Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Keep up Míra!” Appa called over his shoulder. She’d nearly tripped but regained her balance at the last second, but he hadn’t noticed and kept walking.

“Appa!” she called. “My shoes are untied!”

She couldn’t see him but heard his steps pause, then grow louder as he stomped close in his big hiking boots. He hadn’t gone far ahead, she knew that. It never scared her when he was out of sight in the forest because Appa could always find her in seconds. Even if she got really, really lost, Appa could shift into the biggest wolf in the pack and then he’d find her in four heartbeats, one for each year she was old. Her Appa was the fastest shifter and the fastest finder and the biggest, best wolf, and the leader of the whole pack. He could chase nightmares away with a growl and make the best pancakes ever and he could draw anything you told him to and he did the funniest voices when he read her stories at bedtime.

He stepped into view and her whole little body warmed with love for her Appa. Not that she had been nervous about being alone in the forest because this was her home but still, it was better with him near.

“Well it’s good you stopped then,” he grinned at her. “This is something I need to teach you to do on your own now. Watch.” He crouched down and dragged her foot into his lap. She was so good at balancing, but she still braced her hand on his head. Sometimes when Eomma braided her hair, Appa let her braid his hair too or put it into pigtails. He looked silly like that but Eomma seemed to like it and kissed him a lot when his hair was up. They were always kissing and Míra liked to worm her way in between them and squeeze her face in between so they would both kiss her cheeks instead. 

“Ok did you follow?” Appa asked her, looking up from her tied shoe.

She grimaced and admitted, “Um… I didn’t hear you…”

“Mimi, you need to learn this. You’re a big girl and you need to be able to tie your shoes in case I’m not here.”

“But you’re always here!” she quickly pointed out, and dove forward to wrap her arms around his neck. Eomma and Appa both worked a lot and when they were busy, Halmeoni and Harabeoji took care of her after she got done with nursery school every day or sometimes one of her aunties or uncles, of which she had many. Her cousin Ha-yoon was starting to be a little more fun now that she could walk and talk a little but she was still a baby and Uncle Jin made her be careful. Auntie Chai wasn’t so nervous about Malee even though he was younger. Maybe because he was so fat and he could knock you down and sometimes he liked to bite.

“But what if my hands are full?” Appa asked, bouncing her as he stood with her still in his arms like she weighed nothing. He was the strongest man in the whole world. He could even pick Eomma up like that and Eomma was really tall and had a big butt. Appa said so. She said that to Uncle Yoongi one time and he said she shouldn’t say that anymore even though Appa meant it as a nice thing, but sometimes people don’t like having big butts and this had confused Míra because why did anyone care if someone’s butt was big or little? Was it better to be tall or short? It made her wonder about all the other differences she saw in the people around her, differences in hair color and eye color and even the color of their skin. People liked some things more than others? But why? 

Míra liked that she looked a lot like Eomma except she had Appa’s hair and eyes and dimples. When she and Eomma pressed their faces together and looked in the mirror when Eomma got ready for work in the mornings, Míra knew her Eomma was the most beautiful woman in the world and she was going to be beautiful too. Appa said so. Sometimes she wished she had silver eyes like Eomma because they looked like magic, like something fairies made, but Appa’s eyes were always warm and smiling, Appa’s eyes were the color of love and brownies, so she guessed that was good too. Eomma would pretend her eyes were chocolate and pretend she was going to eat them up and then just kiss them at bedtime. 

“You’re thinking deep thoughts today,” Appa mused, bouncing her again. “You don’t have any ideas for what you’ll do about your shoes if my hands are full?”

“With what?” Míra demanded as they began to walk. “Just put it down and help me! That’s easy.”

“So easy,” he chuckled. “Put it down like… this?” He suddenly dropped her, but she was quick and grabbed hold of his neck and wrapped herself around him. He wouldn’t have dropped her anyway, she knew that. 

“Appaaaa,” she complained.

“I’m getting tired carrying you. Why am I the only one hiking on our hike?”

“Appa you make too much noise,” she teased. “Shhhh. Enjoy nature sounds.”

“Are you kidding me, little girl? You know what the pounds of nature are? Something’s peeing over there, and there’s a woodpecker bashing his face against a tree up there, and–”

“Appa, that’s not nice.”

“And the loudest noise is this little pup giggling.” She’d been starting to climb over his shoulder to escape back to the ground, but he slid her over, holding by her ankle so she was dangling. She shrieked with laughter as he began to walk, laughing so hard she could barely breathe until he stopped and gently lowered her to the ground. 

She heard the next noise at the same time he did, both of them turning their faces towards the sound of rapid feet and heavy breathing. A moment later Bam jumped onto the path, followed shortly by Otto. Papi brought up the rear, leaping into view then turning her back as if she didn’t care that she’d been last. Bam and Otto had been racing all their lives and weren’t used to inviting Papi into their games yet. Míra worried that hurt her feelings. She was still a puppy just like Míra. Míra had gotten to name her when the packleader of Jeju Island gave her to Eomma and Appa as a gift when they went there for a week without Míra. It had taken her a long time to not be mad at them about that anymore no matter how many times Halmeoni and Harabeoji tried to tell her that when people got married they liked to take a vacation on their own. So what? They could be alone with her! But they’d come back and apologized and hadn’t been away from her for even a night since then and they’d let her name Papi, after the English word for baby dogs which she thought was very cute. 

“Don’t sulk, Papi, you’ll be kicking their asses soon,” Appa consoled her, scratching her thick white coat. It drove Otto and Bam wild with jealousy; they circled Appa, nipping and bumping his arms, wanting their own pats. It made Míra giggle and feel extra special when Papi broke free and came to curl under her arm. She loved their puppies. She wished they could have one hundred, even though Eomma had said three was probably enough. Míra was going to ask for a cat for her fifth birthday but that was in a long time and she didn’t know if Appa would like a cat. Appa wanted a baby but Míra thought a cat was probably better than a baby. He already had a baby. Her. 

“Everything is fine here,” Appa told the dogs. “Keep running, we’re heading back towards home.” They’d already eaten the picnic Appa had packed. They’d had a special daughter-daddy picnic by a stream in Míra’s favorite clearing. Eomma had work all day even though it was a Saturday because she was doing something important but that was ok just this once, because Míra loved special days with Appa. Now they would go home and she’d try to trick him into forgetting naptime by asking him to draw with her. It worked a lot of times.

The dogs took off in the direction of home, which Míra would have known even if they weren’t walking that direction. She had an excellent sense of direction, Harabeoji said so, that she was much better at finding her way than Appa when he was a kid. He said Appa’s wolf was too excitable when he was young and would just run everywhere and sometimes it would take him hours to find his way home. But Appa had already been teaching Míra for a few months now how to find her way home from anywhere in the forest. He said it would be much easier once her animal formed enough to be able to shift. 

She thought about that now as she fell in step behind Appa, swinging a stick absent-mindedly as he hummed and sang to himself up ahead. He had such a pretty singing voice. Eomma’s voice wasn’t quite as pretty but Míra loved hearing her sing too because she did it when she was happy and it always made Míra’s heart feel really light and bubbly. It was even funnier though when Eomma was her deer because the noises she made as a deer were not pretty at all and Appa would laugh at the way Eomma’s deer barked and yipped and chirped, even though his eyes always sparkled at Eomma’s deer and together they’d stroke her snowy white fur, like Eomma’s deer was made of moonlight. Appa’s wolf was made of shadow, that’s what he looked like. He was big and shaggy and soft in a different way and Míra could disappear into his fur when she hugged him. Even though he was huge and had sharp gold eyes, she was never scared of him, even if his long howl made her heart jump sometimes because it was so loud! 

Míra hoped she was going to be a wolf like Appa. She heard the grown ups talking and they said it was most likely she would be a wolf because kids who had one parent of each usually took after the dominant animal. Everyone had called her ‘pup’ as long as she remembered and she liked that. She barked like the dogs for fun and rolled around with them and when Appa was a wolf and howled, she’d crawl onto his back and howl too, as loud as she could! She felt bigger than the world when she sat on the back of Appa’s wolf!

Eomma’s deer was beautiful and fast and strong too, though. Eomma could stand so still and then jump so high, way higher than even Appa. She could move through the forest without making a sound and sneak up on you. When her velvety nose touched Míra’s cheek, Míra always felt like she’d been bundled up in the softest, happiest blanket of love. Míra liked to crawl through her legs which looked so long and delicate but could kick and jump so great. 

The tingling in Míra’s legs wasn’t obvious at first. She’d stepped in the stream earlier so her pants were kinda wet and cold while they were in the shade of the trees. It would be better once they were in the sun and she could run and jump or stretch out and dry off. Imagining that now, she reached her arms up high and stretched, only to frown when her back wriggled funny. Her arms felt like they were falling down even though she tried to hold them up, and something was holding her neck tight like a scarf. Her butt suddenly stuck out like she was doing a funny dance except she wasn’t dancing. Instead she fell to the ground, her whole body curling up and twisting. 

That’s the point at which she started to scream for Appa. The noise didn’t make sense to her ears, fueling her blind panic; it was sharper, shriller, crackly in a way her voice was not. She tried to kick away from this feeling, from whatever had grabbed and twisted her body. She needed to flee. She needed to escape whatever this monster was –it must be a monster. Her thoughts dissolved into just a bright light of fear; she could barely see and her hearing jumped from painfully sensitive to terrifyingly dulled. She kicked and tried to run but just twisted around in the dirt.

“Mimi?” Appa’s voice cut through the chaos in her head. “Míra? Míra!” It hurt to look at things and it was hard to look for him, like her own body didn’t want to listen to her, but she found him and watched as he froze staring at her. That scared her. She began to scream again, not understanding why he would just stand there. A second later he’d scooped her into his arms, but even that felt weird; she didn’t fit against his chest like she usually did.

“Míra, little one, calm down, everything is ok. You’re shifting,” Appa said, pressing her head beneath his chin like he often did although it felt weird and different and bony right now. He dragged his chin along the top of her head and his familiar, comforting scent was stronger to her, strong enough to warm her lungs. His arms were tight around her arms and legs but in strange places. Everything felt weird and wrong.

“Shhhh, calm down, calm down,” he said, voice low and gentle. “You’re still you, Mimi, but you shifted. You shifted for the first time. Everything is ok. Everything is ok, it’s just scary the first time.”

Shifted? The word settled in her mind like a weight, next to his scent, next to the strong grip of his arms, all slowing her down. 

He kept talking, a stream of words washing over her, “You’re in your animal form so you’re seeing and hearing and smelling things different than you ever have. Your body is different right now. Your animal is louder in your mind than you’ve maybe ever noticed before. But tell her to settle down right now because you’re safe. I’m right here with you. This is normal and wonderful.”

He was right. Everything around her was suddenly so bright . The sounds were louder, the smells were stronger, she could see every tiny flicker of a leaf. She’d always liked watching the birds and squirrels and looking for rabbits, but now she could also see the beetles on a log, a line of ants bumping into a leaf, and an annoying flying bug as it zoomed overhead. The light through the trees was no longer a glow but sharp beams. She could feel air moving against her skin. She could hear the footsteps of the dogs even though they were far away.

Gradually her breathing slowed. She was exhausted. Her arms and legs melted with exhaustion as she went limp in his grip. She was too small and bony. Everything smelled too big. But Appa smelled strongest of all as she let her head rest against his shoulder and closed her eyes and tried to just trust the hand rubbing her side. The forest was suddenly overwhelming but Appa had her.

“Good,” he said, voice nice. “Good, good, relax. Now I’m going to help you shift back, ok? Just follow my voice and think about the things I’m telling you, ok? Think about your feet, your little stinky feet with ten toes, right? I think you’re wearing purple nail polish on your toes right now.”

He was wrong, it was pink and green to match the tulips that had come up in Eomma’s garden. Spring was Míra’s favorite time to be in the garden with Eomma; every morning at the end of winter they would peek out to watch as the green shoots of daffodils, jonquil, hyacinth, and then tulips burst through the ground and then blossomed. Míra knew the name of all those flowers and Ms. K at school thought she was very smart to know such big flower names. The tulips were Míra’s favorite of all of the flowers, like the ones on Eomma’s ankle. Sometimes she dreamed she was a little bumblebee sleeping in one.

“Now think about your chicken legs. You got so tall this year, right? Your legs are so strong and let you run so fast. You still have a scab on your knee from falling on the playground, you told me.”

Míra’s legs tingled; they tickled like someone was dragging feathers across the backs of her knees. She involuntarily kicked and twitched, trying to get away from the feeling, which turned warm and soft a moment later.

“Let’s see, what’s next. Your butt– you’ve got a fluffy little tail right now! But no tail when you’re a little girl, right? I would know, I’ve changed one million of your diapers,” Appa continued, teasing her now. “You’ve got a cute round tummy full of the picnic lunch we just ate, right? And then your chest, where your big strong heart beats like a drum.” That was true. Appa’s heart beat louder and slower than hers; she could hear his heartbeat right now, steady and strong, while hers zipped around like a little bird. The rhythm of her heart made her tired; she tried to stretch her back as her hips twisted and her shoulders wiggled.

“You’ve got those bony shoulders and your long arms and ten perfect little fingers. Those are –oh, you’ve got pink and green nail polish on your fingers and toes, not purple. And some blue paint on your fingers still from making art with me this morning.”

That had been fun. Míra and Appa worked together to make a painting for Eomma. It was a painting of their house and some trees and the bright blue sky. Míra liked the way Appa made skies with lots of colors, not just one kind of blue. Other people thought the sky was just blue or just black but Appa showed her how things were always lots of colors if you looked at them right.

“Ah, there’s that cute little face,” he beamed down at her. Her nose itched and her eyes stung like she’d been crying; she had to close them, then promptly sneezed, then coughed, then blinked at Appa.

“Appa?” Her voice sounded weird and wrong. She sneezed again and lifted a hand to her nose only to feel as it pulled back into her face. She screamed.

But Appa laughed and pulled her right into a hug and cheered, “You did it, Mimi. You’re back to little girl. You did your first shift!”

“I… shifted…”

“Yeah!”

“I shifted!” she gasped, pushing away from him. She shivered and looked down but all her clothes were still on, except for her shoes and socks. She was soaked now though, covered in dirt and mud. Her body hurt like she’d fallen out of bed. Not bad but it didn’t feel good. Her tummy hurt. Appa’s big, excited grin overwhelmed her. She burst into tears and threw her arms around his neck.

“Ah, little one, it’s ok. It’s ok! You did so good! It’s so scary the first time but now you did it! Next time it won’t be so scary because you’ll know what’s happening and we’ll teach you how to control it so it doesn’t happen on accident and– Mimi, this is so exciting!’

“I don’t like it,” she cried. “It’s scary!”

“It won’t always be scary, I promise! Now come on… come on, we need to go tell Eomma! She’s going to be so excited too!” 

She clung tightly to him as he tugged her socks and shoes back on, then lifted her to carry home. Usually she liked to walk like a big girl, but right now she preferred to stay tucked under his chin, hand pressed to his arm where he’d tattooed her baby hand. Her hand was so much bigger now. Because she was a big girl. A big girl who’d shifted!

“I shifted,” she said again, calmed by the sway of his walk. She leaned back to look at his face, and said it again, “I shifted.”

“You shifted, Mimi.”

“I’m… I’m a wolf?” she realized, because Appa seemed happy. Really, really happy. He suddenly spun around with her, making her giggle with the motion. “I’m a wolf!” she cheered, raising her arms, ready to crawl onto his shoulders.

He laughed, “No, baby, you’re a beautiful deer–”

“No.” She froze and he stopped walking. “No, I’m a wolf.”

“You’re a deer,” he said again. “A beautiful little deer–”

“I’M A WOLF!” she screamed at him and a new wave of sobs took over. Appa gave her a worried look, then began to jog. She bounced in his arms but she didn’t want him to hold her anymore because he was saying a mean thing. That was a bad thing to say to her. She was a wolf like Appa! Everyone called her pup! She growled and barked and Eomma said she used to bite like a little wolf cub! She was big and brave like Appa and she was going to run and howl like Appa.

She tried to fight her way out of Appa’s arms but he held her tightly and ran faster. Soon they were at home and the dogs were going crazy running around them but she was mad at them because they were dogs. Were they going to think she wasn’t like them too? She was! She was a wolf and wolves are related to dogs even if they aren’t exactly the same! 

“Eomma!” she wailed, because Eomma wouldn’t say a mean thing to her like Appa did. Appa had betrayed her. She thought Appa was nice but he’d said a mean thing. “EOMMA!!!”

Appa suddenly set her down and had his phone. Míra knocked it out of his hand on accident because she was kicking and screaming. She threw herself down on the ground, too mad to hold herself up, only to feel that burning and tingling and tickling again. No. NO! It was happening again!

She cried for Appa again if he could make it stop. He had his arms around her again and was saying things she couldn’t hear. 

Suddenly Eomma was there, scooping her up and spinning her around. Her scent was like flowers and sunshine. 

“Mimi! My beautiful daughter! Look at you!”

Míra wanted to cry because Appa had said that thing about her being a deer and she loved Eomma’s deer but she was a wolf .

“My strong, brave deer,” Eomma said, spinning circles with her, running with her. Míra could feel that her body was all wrong. Eomma was pulling at things, at her clothes she realized, which hung around her body all wrong. 

“Stand, little one,” Eomma said, suddenly plopping her down and letting go. “You need to stand, feel what it’s like. Feel how strong your legs are!”

Míra didn’t want to stand. She wanted furry fluffy black legs. But she was standing, as Eomma hovered around her and the dogs ran circles and barked so much it was driving her crazy. Appa spoke sharp to them. He was mad at them. Maybe he was mad at her too now if she wasn’t a wolf. But when she looked down… her legs looked black and fluffy? Was Appa wrong?

“Eat a tulip,” Eomma said, curling up on the ground beside her. They were by the garden. Eomma tapped a few of the flowers, cheerful red and yellow and pink. “Eat one!”

Míra wanted to laugh at her. People weren’t supposed to eat flowers! But before she even realized it, she’d leaned forward and chomped one right off the stem and it was delicious . She ate another bud and another. The petals dissolved like sugar on her tongue. She wanted the stems too. She pulled one out of the ground and ate the bulb right down.

“Ok ok don’t eat them all,” Eomma laughed, and pulled her away and Míra felt overwhelmed with love for Eomma showing her how delicious the tulips were. She nuzzled against Eomma’s smiling face and tried to settle in her lap, but kept slipping all over the place until Eomma held her close. Míra melted into the warm comfort of her mother, still licking tulip petals from her teeth, as Eomma ran a soothing hand down her back and hummed. 

“All right, Mimi, are you ready to shift back?”

The question surprised her. She hadn’t been thinking of anything at all, just relaxed, and now she thought maybe she had fallen asleep! Oops! But when Eomma talked to her the same way Appa had earlier, she felt the same things as before, except this time she could think about it more. The tickles and tingles were her body shifting. She watched her dark legs melt into fingers and hands and arms. She felt her insides bubble like she’d eaten too much but then be ok after she tooted. She felt her hair and ears and mouth all moving like she was making funny faces. Her eyes closed and when she opened them again, Eomma’s nice face was smiling down at her, hands stroking her hair.

“You did so well, my love.”

“That was even better than the first time,” Appa said, looming behind Eomma. “She’s fast. She’s going to be a fast shifter like me already, that didn’t take long at all.”

Míra immediately frowned at him though and scolded, “You said I’m not a wolf.”

He sat down beside them. The puppies were all sitting and whining and shaking their butts on the deck because Appa must have told them to stay. Míra looked between her parents’ glowing faces.

“Is it so bad to be a deer?” Eomma asked. 

“But I’m a wolf.”

Eomma’s smile flickered as she said, “You are a little wolf and a little deer. The blood of both is in you, so you’re quick and brave like Appa. You howl like a nice little wolf.” Míra nodded, proud that Eomma was telling her the truth. “But your shifted animal is a deer like me, also quick, also brave, and with a taste for tulips.”

Míra’s face darkened as she said, “But my legs are black and fluffy like Appa’s wolf because I’m a wolf–”

“You are black and fluffy,” Appa quickly insisted. He pulled his phone out. “Here, look at a picture! You’re beautiful. I’ve never seen a fawn like you before!” He turned the phone around to show her. At first she looked blankly at the image of a little black fluffy thing. It had the shape of a deer but fluffier than Eomma or any of the other deer Míra had ever seen. Not long hair like Appa’s, but not as short as Eomma’s either. She looked soft and cuddly. Her fur was as dark as Appa’s wolf, shiny black all over. 

“See?” Eomma said gently. “Look at that beautiful deer. You’re a beautiful combination of Appa’s wolf and my deer, and your very own unique fawn.”

Míra looked at the picture, conflicted. She’d thought she would be a fierce wolf like Appa, and barrel through the forest like him, and howl at the moon with him. She never felt pretty and graceful like Eomma was. It didn’t make sense that she was a deer.

Appa scrolled to the next image, a video of Eomma setting her down and her own teetering skinny legs carrying her towards the tulip. Míra giggled at the way she’d nipped the tulips clean off the stalks. Her tongue still tasted the sugar petals. 

“She’s so cute…”

“She’s precious,” Eomma agreed. “And I have no doubt you and your deer will grow up to be every bit as fearsome and powerful as Appa’s wolf.”

“And pretty like you.”

“Yes, pretty too, and smart. Deer are graceful, you know? Your animal doesn’t mean anything good or bad about you, it’s just one more thing that makes you unique and special.”

Appa added, “Nothing changes, except that now you can start learning to shift on purpose and we can go running through the forest–”

“She’s only a fawn,” Eomma quickly argued. “She needs to learn to walk a bit first before she’s jumping off tree trunks!”

“I’ll be careful!” Míra giggled, because Eomma gave her a look that said she didn’t believe her. “Maybe I’ll be even faster than you. And faster than Appa. And I can jump even higher!”

“Maybe so,” Eomma agreed.

She yawned, soothed now. She took Appa’s phone to look at the video again. That was really her? It was a very cute deer. A black deer looked pretty but also it could be sneaky because it could hide really easy. Eomma’s deer could only hide in the snow. And Míra was really good at lying really still and pretending to be asleep when she wanted her parents to think that, so she could sneak out of bed and keep playing after they went down the hall. Deer could hide like that super easy. 

“Appa, do you eat tulips?”

“No,” he scowled. 

“Ok, you eat sticks though,” Eomma immediately argued. Míra giggled.

“I don’t eat sticks!”

Bam gave an impatient bark. All three of them looked over and Appa told the dogs they could get up now so they raced over.

“Did you cry because you heard us say stick? I don’t have a stick,” Appa told him as they licked his face and then Eomma’s and then Míra’s.

“I’m not a wolf,” she told them. “I’m a deer. Sorry.”

Papi wagged her tail and just stretched herself across Míra and Eomma, which made her giggle. Would the dogs run with her when she was a deer? She could be faster than them too when she got good at it. She could jump clear over their heads someday.

“Oh. Eomma, I’m naked!” Míra realized and laughed again.

“Yeah, your deer is so small you just shrank in your clothes right now. I took them off because you looked so cute and silly wearing little girl clothes! Sometimes they’ll tear when you shift, and definitely when your deer gets bigger. We’ll start keeping some clothes for you on the sun porch in case you need to get to them quickly, ok?” Eomma said. She lifted Míra up with her as she stood, and gave Míra a big kiss on the cheek. Míra was going to kiss her back but instead she yawned and let her head fall to Eomma’s shoulder. “Also you’ll get very tired shifting in the beginning. Can Appa put you to bed?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Ok. I have to get back to work for a little bit longer, but I came running when Appa called me. I’m so proud of you, little one, and so happy for you with this big girl milestone. Have a nice nap and then we’ll all cook dinner together tonight and bake a cake to celebrate, ok? We’ll invite Halmeoni and Harabeoji over and tell them!”

“Ok and Aunt Jiji and Uncle Joonie and Uncle Jiminie and Auntie Chai and…” She named them off as Appa took her from Eomma. She always had to count on her fingers to make sure she got all her uncles and aunts because there were so many of them. 

“You want to have a party with all of them?”

“Yes!” Míra cheered. “We can do it… hm, maybe tomorrow.”

“A whole party by tomorrow.”

“Because I’m a big girl now! It’s ok you can just make a lot of food for everyone, ok?”

“Hm, we’ll see…”

She smiled, certain Appa was going to do it. She curled up against his shoulder and was asleep before they’d even reached her bedroom.

**

It all seemed like a strange dream when Míra awoke. Her arms and legs still hurt a little like that time she went to Everland with Eomma and Appa and wanted to prove she was a big girl and walk the whole time but it made her legs too tired and she cried. She looked at her hands and feet, expecting to see black fur, but it was just her usual skin. 

Papi was in bed with her even though she wasn’t supposed to be, but Míra never kicked her out and tried to hide her under the blankets if Eomma and Appa were coming. No one came to get her now, so she took her time getting out of bed. She knew Appa had put her clothes on earlier because he always dressed her in outfits that didn’t actually go together. She was wearing a pink unicorn shirt but her pants had lightening bolts on them. Appa said rules about clothes were all made up anyway but Míra liked when her clothes matched so she dug around until she found the pink pants that matched her unicorn shirt.

Otto had been sleeping outside her door but he and Papi walked beside her towards the stairs. She could hear Eomma’s and Appa’s voices from the kitchen while she was still upstairs; Eomma was laughing at something, and Appa’s low voice sounded calm and soothing. She tiptoed, wanting to spy on what they were talking about. She put a finger to her lips and shushed Otto and Papi, creeping along the hallway on her tippie toes until she could peer around the edge of the kitchen wall.

“That’s what I said to him,” Eomma said, gesturing with a wooden spoon. Appa stood beside her, turning meat over with chopsticks. The smell of the soup and the meat were amazing, and almost lured Míra out of hiding, but she waited and watched. “He said he wants to see proof.”

“I’ll give him proof,” Appa grumbled.

Eomma sighed, “Yeah, I heard your voice say that in my head. But it’s self-proving! If you have to make a law to enforce that, then it’s obviously not the natural way to be. It’s like… like women and birth control. If you have to make birth control illegal because women want it, then you also can’t say that women naturally just want to be mothers. Clearly it’s not true, or you wouldn’t be trying to push laws about it!”

Appa chuckled, “Did you say that to him?”

“Uh… maybe… He got very red faced about it.”

Appa snickered, “You’re mortifying old Korean men with talk about babies and pregnancy. You should use a dumber analogy. Like…” He paused, looking at the ceiling as he put a piece of the cooked meat in his mouth. “I’ve got nothing, you should have just said he’s an idiot. The people in his territory are fleeing to pack lands like ours that support the new marriage laws.”

“The Prime Minister has to crack down on it.”

“He’s not going to. He still pissed we got the laws changed. He’s a dinosaur–”

“Then he needs to be replaced!”

“That’s my revolutionary girl,” he grinned. He slid behind her and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. Míra couldn’t see Eomma’s face, but she knew she was probably smiling now. Nobody knew how to calm Eomma down when she was mad about something like Appa did. And nobody knew how to calm Appa down when he was mad about something like Eomma did. Sometimes Míra liked to just watch her parents without them knowing she was there –even though sometimes she suspected they did know– because even if she didn’t know the grown up things they were talking about, she liked the way they sort of danced together when they were cooking. They were always moving around each other, talking to each other, touching each other. They were happy and close. Their family had no secrets from each other, they told each other everything and they never stayed mad at each other long even when they made a mistake. Even when Eomma or Appa made a mistake, like they got mad at her for something that wasn’t her fault or they were impatient with her or something, they always apologized later. She didn’t know that was weird until she started nursery school and some of her friends said their parents never said I’m sorry! That was crazy to her! Appa said you could make a mistake even if you were one hundred years old, and you should always apologize for a mistake, even if you didn’t mean to.

Eomma turned around and kissed Appa. The light caught her sparkly ring. Sometimes she let Míra put it on her finger just because it was so sparkly, but it was too big and slipped right off. It was a pretty purple ring and Eomma said someday she could have it too because it had been part of the family for more than a hundred years but right now it was Eomma’s wedding ring. Míra didn’t think she was ever going to get married but she did want to wear pretty rings. Eomma told her she could wear pretty rings even without getting married. She could buy them for herself, or Appa and Eomma would buy her rings. That sounded great! Besides, Míra wanted to live with Eomma and Appa in this house forever and ever. Someday when she was big she would help with the cooking more.

“I think I spy a little deer,” Eomma said but her voice was quiet because Appa was kissing her. Míra didn’t want to ever kiss someone like that but she didn’t mind that Eomma and Appa did because it made them both happy. Sometimes kids at school said kissing was gross but it was just one way someone said I love you, so Míra didn’t mind because she thought love was nice. Her parents always said that and talked about how love was so important and how when they first met they weren’t allowed to get married because they were a wolf and a deer but now that was going to be different. They talked to Míra about all kinds of things like that because she was a big girl and could understand big things. They said sometimes people might say mean things because she had a wolf dad and a deer mom and she should just know that it meant that person had a lot to learn still and it didn’t mean there was anything wrong with Míra, who was like Uncle Jiminie except his mom didn’t live here on earth anymore.

Appa glanced over his shoulder and Míra knew the gig was up, so she ran and jumped, trusting Appa would catch her. He did, swooping her up above his head, and then plopping her down on the counter by the sink.

“You going to wash the veggies for us?”

“Yeah,” she grinned. 

“Ah, you’re going to be very good at cutting veggies once I give you a knife,” he mused. “Since you’re a deer and all.”

Míra immediately patted his shoulder, “But you do ok at it too, Appa, even though you’re a wolf.”

“Ah! Even though I’m a wolf!” he laughed. He turned to Eomma. “You hear this? Now I’m outnumbered!” Eomma made a face and turned back to the pot where the water was boiling now. Míra didn’t understand what that meant and watched her a moment, until Appa set the basket of vegetables beside her to wash. She let her feet rest in the sink and turned the water on, shivering at the cold on her feet until she caught the water with the bowl to rinse in. She liked helping like this even though there were so many things they didn’t let her do yet.

“You know, I always kind of suspected she’d be a deer,” Appa admitted, setting the meat to the side to add to the stew later. 

“Oh did you?” Eomma asked with a smile.

“Yeah. I mean, she was born with a bullet,” he said. Míra giggled; she’d heard the story so many times that it didn’t even scare her anymore. “Someone that tough and troublesome seems to take after her eomma –and you know what they say about children usually taking after the dominant animal in a pair.”

“Oh? You don’t think that’s a wolf?” Eomma asked. Míra watched them curiously because everyone knew in hierarchy a wolf was a carnivore and a deer was an herbivore. Plus her appa was an alpha and her eomma was an omega and even though being an omega was super special, nothing was higher than alpha.

Appa grinned and leaned down to bite Eomma’s shoulder playfully, “I know my place.”

“In the kitchen!” Míra helpfully pointed out, because Appa was always cooking in the kitchen or even if someone else was cooking, he came right away. He said he just followed his nose to what was good. 

Eomma and Appa both laughed hard at that and she felt proud to make them laugh. She smiled as she rinsed the vegetables off, setting them behind her on the chopping board for Appa to work on. He came over but instead of chopping, he pinched her ear and said,

“I hope you don’t feel disappointed to be a deer for long, Mimi. It’s great that you’re a deer. It’s… it’s already changing history. You are the very first firstborn deer child born to a pack leader in the history of our country! You’re already so great and you’ll show everyone how awesome it is to be a deer. And an entirely black deer? I looked it up, that’s even rarer than the all-white Heorot! You, Mimi, are a very special little girl.”

Míra looked at Eomma to see if that was all true. Now she wasn’t sure what to think if she wasn’t even like Eomma. Maybe if she was going to be a deer, she did at least want to be a white one.

“You are a special little girl no matter what animal you wound up with,” Eomma said. “Because you are the only Jeon Míra in the world. Appa is right about all those things. You would have been special in other ways if you were a wolf. And we love no you more than the world, no matter what. No matter what ways you’re like me or like Appa, you are yourself more than anything, and we love that self very, very much.”

Míra beamed and said, “I love you too. You’re my best eomma and my best appa in the whole world. But you can save your speeches for my party tomorrow.”

“Speeches?” Appa repeated as Eomma asked, “Party?”

“Appa said we can have a party tomorrow!”

“Ah, well, I–”

“Oh, that’s great, I can’t wait to hear the details,” Eomma smiled at him. Míra smiled too.

Appa shook his head, “Well, I guess I’ll text our friends tonight… but Míra are you sure you want a party? Until you get better at controlling it, you might accidentally shift anytime you’re too excited or too upset. Maybe we should just have Halmeoni and Harabeoji over for lunch–”

“That’s ok. If I shift you can help me and everyone can take pictures because my deer is really cute.”

“Ok. Well…” Appa looked at Eomma, who just laughed and motioned to the soft vegetables that it was time to add but no one had cut them yet. “Guess I’ll just tell everyone to bring something to lunch tomorrow.”

“It’ll be fun to get everyone who’s free together anyway, we haven’t done that since we got back from Jeju.”

“Yeah,” Míra agreed. “I think it’s a great idea!”

“Ok well about you come help me cut these vegetables, big girl. You ready?”

“Really!?”

“Yeah, I’ll help you. Come on over here.”

“Be careful,” Eomma said, nervously watching.

But Míra gave her the brightest smile she could and said, “I’m ready, Eomma. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m your eomma, I’m always going to worry about you. Appa too. We’re family, that’s what we do.”

“Oh, hey, Halmeoni is calling,” Appa realized, setting the knives down and reaching for his phone. 

Míra gasped, “Me me me! Let me answer it!” He accepted the call and handed it to her. She immediately screamed, “Halemoni I’m a black deer!”

“What?!”

“I shifted! I’m a fluffy black deer! She’s so CUTE. Appa took a photo and I ate tulips and they are so yummy when you’re a deer.”

“You shifted! Yeobo, she shifted! She’s a deer! A black deer! Mi-ya, are your parents there?”

Míra glanced back but Appa had said something she didn’t hear to Eomma, who smiled at him and giggled when he kissed her cheek.

“Ya but they’re kissing.”

“We’re here, we’re here,” Appa laughed. “Just in shock our little girl is getting so big.”

“A deer! I want the pictures! Oh, we should have a party…”

Míra giggled and clapped her hands. She loved parties. She loved hearing Halmeoni and Harabeoji get so excited over the phone, like they weren’t even a little bit sad she was a deer instead of a wolf. Maybe she loved being a little bit like Eomma too, and a little like Appa. She loved that Eomma and Appa were cooking dinner with her tonight and that she could probably convince them to watch a movie with her after dinner, even if it meant she got to stay up late. She loved their puppies, nosing around in the hopes she would drop some food. She loved their house and the forest and having picnics with Appa and– she just loved everything. Everything was so wonderful.

“Appaaa, I’m ready to use a knife.”

“A knife?! ” Harabeoji cried through the phone. “ The bullet you were born with wasn’t enough, now you need a knife?”

“Yes!”

“Aish, this child… a deer? She’s going to be too fast for us…”

“That’s ok. I’ll always wait for family,” Míra assured her grandparents over the speaker phone. “But now I really have to concentrate because knives are sharp!”

“You’re really ready for this?” Appa teased her. “It’s a big girl job.”

“I’m not ready for this,” Eomma sighed, taking the phone from Appa. “Knives and deer, it’s too much in one day… You’re growing too fast, Mimi!”

But Míra smiled as Appa wrapped his arms around her to guide her hands. 

“I’m ready, Appa. I know I can do it! I’m the first deer uh… pack leader daughter ever!” Jeon Míra wasn’t afraid of anything, not even of using a knife, as long as she had Appa holding her hand and Eomma just behind her. Everything was so wonderful.