Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rey has started a chat room

Rey invited Rebel Gals

Rey: Kaydel made Dino Nuggets again, didn’t she?

Kaydel: no

Rey: Then explain why you and Zorii and Jannah are running around singing meme songs.

Jannah: DONT TELL YOUR MOTHER

Zorii: KISS ONE ANOTHER

Jannah: DIE FOR EACH OTHER

Zorii: 😶

Rose: I heard Dino Nuggies.

Rose: Hand em over Kaydel.

Kaydel: NO

Kaydel: LEAVE MY PRECIOUS NUGGIES ALONE

Nimi: ROSE PUT THE BROOMSTICK DOWN

Rey: Oh hi Nimi. You’re just in time to watch something blow up.

Nimi: WHAT??????

Rey: Kaydel made Dino Nuggets.

Nimi: oh no my one weakness

Rey: if I have to tell everyone that you guys blew something up AGAIN, y’all are dead.

Jyn: Hi I heard screaming?

Zorii: EXCUSE ME WE’RE SINGING

Jannah: LET’S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL

Zorii: LET’S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL

Jyn: where do we keep the earplugs?

Nimi: Padmé’s room.

Asajj: Why tf are you guys all texting if we’re in the same room?

Padmé: Language!

Jyn: Padmé don’t text while you’re at work.

Rey: ASAJJ HELP ME KAYDEL MADE DINO NUGGETS

Asajj: Not my problem.

Asajj: And they’re just chicken nuggets.

Rey: NO THEY’RE NOT!!!!! I SWEAR SHE FILLS THEM WITH CRACK OR SOMETHING!!!!

Asajj: Rey, I don’t even think we have crack here.

Jannah: AND IIIIIIIIII

Zorii: WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUU

Asajj: On second thought-

Jyn: Ok well they didn’t steal from my stash.

Rey:

Asajj:

Nimi: guys I’m sorry I’m gonna eat a Dino nuggie those things are heaven in a butt.

Nimi: BITE

Nimi: I MEANT BITE

Jyn: Sure...we all know that’s what you meant 😏

Zorii: POKÉMON

Jannah: GOTTA CATCH EM ALL

Padmé: Some days I wonder why I come home from work.

Jyn: So you can make out with Anakin.

Padmé: I-

Padmé: Anakin and I are just friends. Any ‘relationship’ you think we have is just friendship.

Rey: I might have some evidence... 😏

Padmé: And I may have some evidence about YOUR secret.

Rey: I seem to have lost my evidence.

Jyn: Padmé’s getting involved in dirty politics now.

Evaan: WHAT HAVE I WALKED INTO!?!?!?!?

Evaan: WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO EXPLAIN WHY JANNAH AND ZORII ARE RUNNING AROUND SINGING MEME SONGS AND JYN HAS A STASH OF DRUGS AND PADMÉ AND REY HAVE DIRTY SECRETS AND KAYDEL MAKES CRACK NUGGETS AND ASAJJ- you know what Asajj isn’t really doing anything bad.

Evaan: Which is a first.

Rey: Zorii, don’t jump off the table-

Zorii: I’M GAY

Asajj: We know.

Chapter Text

Padmé has started a chat room

Padmé invited Rebel Gals

Padmé: Ughhhhh I don’t want to come homeeeeeee

Rey: You sure? Kaydel saved you some crack nuggets.

Kaydel: *Crack Nuggies.

Jyn: And we locked Zorii and Jannah in the basement!

Asajj: LET ME OUT OF HERE OR YOU’RE ALL DEAD!!!!

Jyn: With Asajj!

Padmé: WHAT THE FORCE HAPPENED

Jyn: And Rey and Nimi tried to stop us!

Nimi: I’m going to kill you Jyn.

Jyn: So we found force-blocking handcuffs!

Rey: Jyn I can’t feel my fingers.

Padmé: WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU TWO OK

Nimi: They handcuffed us and tied us to a pole.

Padmé: WHO IS ‘THEY’?

Asajj: Jyn, Evaan, Kaydel, and Rose.

Rose: Not me, I’m hiding in Ahsoka’s room.

Jyn: WE GONNA BUST DOWN THE DOOR

Evaan: I’m only going along with Jyn so she doesn’t lock me in a closet or something.

Padmé: WHY IS JYN LOCKING PEOPLE IN CLOSETS

Kaydel: I think she found Zorii’s secret stash of glitterstim.

Kaydel: Though she hasn’t locked anyone in a closet yet.

Jyn: Thanks for the idea tho!

Padmé: WHY DOES ZORII HAVE A SECRET STASH OF GLITTERSTIM!?!?!?

Zorii: IF YOU TOUCH MY GLITTERSTIM, YOU’RE DEAD

Rey: And now Jyn’s chasing Evaan around with a rope, trying to tie her up and lock her in a closet.

Padmé: You are adults. Why is it that I can’t leave you alone for a few hours to go to work?

Nimi: We tried.

Padmé: What about the guys???

Rey: They’re hanging out in the guys’ compound.

Evaan: NONONONONO LET GO OF ME

Evaan: PLEEEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEEE

Evaan: JYN I’M SCARED OF THE DARK

Padmé: WHAT WAS THAT?

Asajj: I can’t see because I’m locked in the basement with Zorii and Jannah, but I’m pretty sure that was the sound of Evaan Verlaine being locked in a closet.

Rey: Why do we have a closet in our compound if no one here owns a coat?

Jyn: SO I CAN LOCK EVAAN IN IT!

Padmé: NO!

Padmé: I’m coming home to save you guys.

Jyn: AND I WILL LOCK YOU IN THE CLOSET AS WELL!

Rey: Padmé stay away and wait till she cools down to come rescue us.

Padmé: Don’t worry Fennec lent me some supplies.

Evaan: GIYS I CSNT SEE ANUTHIMG SO IF I MWSS UP SPELLUMGS OF STJFF ITS JYNS FAYLT

Rose: HELP US PADMÉ AMIDALA

Rose: YOU’RE OUR ONLY HOPE

Rose: AND ALSO JYN’S TRYING TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR TO AHSOKA’S ROOM

Padmé: *sighs* *grabs various borrowed weapons* aw kriff here we go again

Chapter Text

Padmé: Your savior has arrived!

Padmé: Also you all owe me 10 credits, I had to pay Fennec to get my hands on these.

Nimi: Rey wants to know what you brought.

Padmé: ...c-can’t she just ask me herself?

Nimi: She said she’s lost all feeling in her hands and most of her arms because of Jyn’s handcuffs.

Asajj: SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF THE BASEMENT RIGHT NOW

Padmé: Guys calm down I can only save one person at a time while also avoiding Jyn.

Jyn: I WILL FIND YOU AFTER I GET ROSE

Padmé: Alright, Evaan’s first.

Evaan: Thsnk you!

Rose: GUYS SHE’S TRYING TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR

Padmé: WITH WHAT

Rose: I DON’T KNOW BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE MORAI’S BIRDCAGE

Padmé: JYN ERSO, AHSOKA IS GOING TO MURDER YOU

Nimi: WAIT IS THE BIRD IN THE CAGE

Padmé: I’ll go find out after I unlock the closet door.

Evaan: THANK YOU PADMÉ

Evaan: Wait is that a knife that also has a flashlight concealed in it AND a lock pick!?!

Padmé: Like I said, you all owe me 10 credits.

Padmé: And it’s got some other stuff too, hopefully we won’t need it tho

Padmé: Alright, who’s next?

Asajj: LET ME OUT OF THE BASEMENT

Padmé: Ok that’s easy enough-

Padmé: GUYS WHAT’S JYN’S LOCK COMBINATION?

Jannah: Why did u type that and scream it?

Padmé: BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT, OK?

Nimi: Try 2-0-1-6

Padmé: Oh yay it worked!

Padmé: Wait how did you know that-?

Nimi: ....we’re not gonna talk about that.

Asajj: THANK YOUUUUUUU I WAS DYING DOWN THERE

Padmé: please stop hugging me i cannot breathe

Zorii: FREEDOM!!!!!!

Evaan: Oh no

Evaan: The only reason we locked Zorii and Jannah down there was because they were super hyper

Jannah: Yea we’re good now, don’t worry.

Kaydel: Oh good does this mean I’m not in trouble anymore?

Nimi: You started this. You’re still in huge trouble.

Padmé: Kaydel where even are you?

Kaydel: Umm... I’m busy.

Rose: GUYS SHE’S ALMOST IN

Rose: HELP

Padmé: JYN ERSO, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE YOUNG LADY

Jyn: SHUT UP YOU’RE NOT MY MOM

Padmé: NO BUT I’M THE ONLY RESPONSIBLE ADULT IN THIS ROOM WHO’S NOT TIED TO A POLE

Rose: HELP MEEEEEEEE

Padmé: WE’RE COMING

Padmé: Ok who here knows how to work an electro-prod thingy, and can you give me a crash course?

Rose: you just point it and shoot it, why?

Padmé: JYN LEAVE HER ALONE OR ELSE

Jyn: OR ELSE WHAT

Padmé: I HAVE WEAPONS

Padmé: SURRENDER OR BE CRUSHED

Jyn: NEVERRRRRR

Nimi: What’s going on up there?

Rose: They’re fighting. With pillows.

Nimi: What about the electro-prod thing?

Rose: Ooh, I found it!

Rose: Should I use it?

Evaan: YES

Asajj: OF COURSE

Padmé: Guys, I got this.

Rose: Welp nevermind. She used Jyn’s handcuffs against her.

Padmé: Why am I the one who always has to deal with this?

Nimi: Ok but can u untie us now?

Padmé: Oh yea of course

Rose: Hey, where’s Kaydel?

Kaydel: Lol u idiots I’ve been videoing this the entire time

Chapter Text

Anakin has started a chat room

Anakin invited Everyone

Quinlan: Hey everyone.

Evaan: Hai 👋

Luke: What happened earlier today?

Rey: ...you don’t wanna know

Jyn: IT WAS GREAT!

Padmé: No it wasn’t. Everyone in the girls compound owes me 10 credits now.

Ben: I would like to question that, but I’m not sure if I want to know the answer.

Fennec: Padmé you have three days to pay up by the way

Padmé: Alright.

Padmé: EVERYONE IN THE GIRLS COMPOUND BETTER PAY ME 10 CREDITS OR I’M NOT RESCUING YOU NEXT TIME

Rey: Basically, Kaydel made chicky nuggies, Zorii and Jannah were hyper, we locked them in the basement with Asajj, we think Jyn stole someone’s glitterstim, Jyn tied Nimi and I to a pole, then locked Evaan in a closet and tried to break into Ahsoka’s room (where Rose was hiding) and Padmé had to pay Fennec to borrow some weapons which she used to save everyone, and now we all owe Padmé 10 credits each.

Anakin: ...what even happens in the girls compound?

Anakin: Is this normal?

Padmé: Unfortunately yes.

Poe: Wait what about Kaydel?

Kaydel: I was videoing the whole thing!

Ahsoka: WOULD SOMEONE LIKE TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY MORAI’S BIRDCAGE IS ON THE FLOOR?!?!?

Jyn: no

Rose: Jyn was using it to break down the bathroom door.

Ahsoka: Jyn?

Jyn: Yes?

Ahsoka: YOU. ARE. DEAD.

Kaydel: Can I pay up tomorrow, I’m a little busy right now

Padmé: Sure.

Jannah: What? Why does she get extra time?!

Asajj: She’s working on her quarantine log.

Jannah: oh

Luke: Quarantine log?

Asajj: She’s keeping track of our time in the compound. Like, until we’re allowed to join the ‘normal’ world.

Luke: Oh.

Kaydel: It’s basically a bunch of audio recordings, which is why I need all of you to be QUIET

Kaydel: Or at least everyone in the girls compound.

Din: You guys can come over here, we figured out how to disable all of the security cameras now.

Evaan: Oh cool!

Fennec: 🙄 I could’ve just blasted them.

Han: Shut up Shand you know I can shoot better than you.

Fennec: Is that a challenge? You’re going down!

Nimi: NO MORE FIGHTING

Nimi: AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW

Nimi: FENNEC, PUT THE BLASTER DOWN

Ahsoka: Oh force. I’m glad I wasn’t here today.

Rey: Oh yea where were you?

Ahsoka: I can leave the compounds now!

Rey: Really? That’s amazing!

Ahsoka: I still have to live here obviously, but I can go with Padmé now 😁

Rose: Oh wow...lucky...

Obi-Wan: I might be able to leave soon.

Anakin: Of course you will 🙄

Ben: Not this again...

Jannah: ???

Ben: They’ve been arguing about who’s gonna get to leave the compound first ALL DAY

Ezra: Ngl, it’ll probably be Din.

Ezra: He’s one of the only people in the guys’ compound who can’t use the Force.

Fennec: Depends if whoever runs this planet knows he’s a wanted criminal or not.

Din: Says you!

Fennec: I’m not saying I’m not a wanted criminal. My criminal record’s way worse than yours.

Zorii: Mine’s worse than both of yours, I was wanted by the New Republic AND the First Order.

Fennec: Child.

Fennec: I was wanted by the New Republic, the Empire, the First Order, and the Resistance. And also the Bounty Hunters’ Guild.

Luke: Are they...comparing criminal records? Competitively?

Ahsoka: I was wanted by the Jedi Order and the Empire!

Zorii: eh

Din: Not as impressive.

Padmé: I don’t really condone with this...

Padmé: But about half the galaxy was trying to murder me.

Han: I was wanted by Jabba the Hutt and the Crimson Dawn.

Poe: I’m wanted because I blew up Starkiller Base.

Ben: Still not cool.

Poe: It was pretty cool.

Ben: So murdering millions of people is cool?

Poe:

Ezra: I mean I was wanted by the Empire...

Fennec: I am still superior to you all.

Chapter Text

Kaydel has started a chat room

Kaydel: This is Kaydel Ko Connix. This is day number... actually, I can’t remember how many days it’s been since we were all transported to this planet ‘Earth’.

Kaydel: I don’t even know where on Earth we are. Rose thinks it’s a huge city like Canto Bight because of the size of our compounds, and she thinks the people are watching us through the many security cameras. Fennec thinks it’s more practical- an old military base split in half, one half for the guys and the other for the girls. She thinks they’re just keeping us here because they don’t understand where we came from or how some of us can harness the Force.

Kaydel: I honestly don’t know what to think. I just want this whole quarantine in the compounds to be over.

Kaydel: Though I will admit it isn’t TOO bad. The food’s...interesting. It’s pretty much the same amount that we got in the Resistance, but I’ve never seen half of this stuff before. Asajj and I both like this thing called Mac and cheese. I think it tastes like heaven, though Evaan can’t stand it.

Kaydel: Right now, everyone’s at the guys compound (Din found a way to temporarily turn off the security cameras so the girls could come over). I think they’re all trying to guess who’ll be able to leave the compound next.

Kaydel: Oh! Which reminds me: Ahsoka can leave the compound now! She got her pass today, and she’s going to be assigned a job of sorts tomorrow.

Kaydel: So far, Padmé’s the only one who’s allowed to leave the compound (Fennec and Anakin have been trying to find a way to sneak out, but they haven’t managed to yet) and she has a job working in a government building. It’s not like her old job as a Senator, but she’s just happy to be working in a government building, and she can’t stop talking about the way Earth’s government works. I don’t understand any of what she says, but if it makes her happy then I’m happy.

Kaydel: Ahsoka asked us all to look after Morai when she’s at work if they don’t let her take her along to the job.

Kaydel: I hope I get chosen next, because I’m going insane just stuck in here. It’s fun, but there’s nothing to do. Fennec’s theory about it being a military base is probably correct, because everything here is practical. There’s nothing fun.

Kaydel: I mean, we still have fun- today was...interesting, to say the least. But I’m so used to having something important to do for the Resistance that all this time we’re spending in quarantine feels without purpose or something like that.

Kaydel: Tomorrow we’re cleaning the compound, though. We clean both compounds every seven Earth days- Padmé says that seven days is a week on Earth. It’s weird, because on Batuu, a week was six days. It always takes some adjusting when you travel between planets. Anyway, tomorrow we’re cleaning both compounds from top to bottom. We don’t really need to, we keep them really neat, but it just gives us something to do.

Kaydel: I keep trying to figure out how they’re choosing us. At first I thought it was non Force-sensitives first, so people could understand the Force first before meeting Force-sensitives, but Ahsoka can use the force. So now none of us understand how they’re choosing who gets to leave the compound and when.

Kaydel: I just want to go home.

Kaydel HAS SAVED CHAT

Chapter Text

Din has started a chat room

Din invited Everyone

Din: So who do you guys think will get to leave next?

Poe: Din we’re all in the same room.

Din: I KNOW OK BUT THE SECURITY CAMERAS

Din: THEY’RE JUST CREEPY

Quinlan: They are. I mean, are people watching us sleep?

Rey: 😳 oh force

Anakin: They better not be-

Evaan: Why? Cause you and PADMÉ?

Anakin: Shut up Evaan.

Fennec: He’s purposefully avoiding the question.

Anakin: SHUT UP FENNEC

Fennec: Hey, don’t yell at me, I’m just sitting in the corner, polishing my blaster.

Fennec: And waiting for your girlfriend to pay up.

Padmé: ANAKIN AND I ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP

Luke: ⬆️ This statement is disputed by both compounds.

Padmé: LET ME REMIND YOU THAT I AM IN POSSESSION OF A BLASTER

Luke: I have a lightsaber

Fennec: I have a superior blaster.

Maul: My lightsaber has more blades than yours.

Ben: My lightsaber has more blades than yours .

Maul: Those don’t count as blades.

Ben: Your legs were cut off by a teenager, it obviously doesn’t matter if your lightsaber’s better, seeing as your fighting skills suck.

Evaan: I...I’m just gonna join Fennec in the corner.

Cassian: That might be the smarter decision.

Fennec: *glares* LEAVE MY CORNER IMMEDIATELY

Evaan: WAIT NO I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE

Cassian: Fennec, the force-sensitives are fighting again.

Fennec: ...you know what, there’s a little room left for you guys.

Jyn: I’d join you but this is entertaining.

Ahsoka: Well at least we know who’s gonna be allowed  to leave next.

Rey: Wait, we do? Who?

Ahsoka: Fennec, Cassian, and Evaan, for not fighting.

Zorii: Hmm...I want to leave the compound, but I also want to see who wins.

Asajj: Neither of them.

Zorii: How do you know?

Asajj: Because if they don’t quit arguing, I’m throwing someone out the window.

Han: There aren’t even windows down here.

Asajj: I’LL MAKE ONE

Han: WE’RE UNDERGROUND

Asajj: I’LL GO UPSTAIRS

Nimi: Guess we know who’s getting thrown out the window.

Chapter Text

Padmé has started a chat room

Padmé invited Everyone

Padmé: Wake up you guys! We’re cleaning the compound today!

Ahsoka: Ughhhh Padmé I don’t even think the sun’s up yet

Padmé: The sun has been up for a while, now get up or I’m dragging you!

Ben: Anakin your girlfriend’s creepy.

Anakin: Your girlfriend’s creepy.

Ben: I don’t have a girlfriend.

Asajj: Yes you do bc I saw you two ForceTiming last night but you didn’t hear that from me.

Jyn: ForceTime?

Din: WHY AM I WAKING UP TO THE SOUND OF A LIGHTSABER IGNITING

Din: THIS IS THE REASON WE’RE ALL LOCKED IN THIS COMPOUND- Y’ALL ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO MURDER EACH OTHER

Quinlan: You slept through Padmé yelling at everyone to wake up?

Quinlan: I want whatever Din has.

Armitage: Guys?

Rose: Yes?

Armitage: I miss my cat.

Rose: Omigod Millicent!

Kaydel: Hux has a cat?

Jannah: Wait who has a cat?

Rey: *cries* I miss Millie so much.

Rose: Wait how do you know about the cat?

Rey: Uhh....no reason.

Rey: Armitage told me yesterday.

Rose: sure...

Armitage: Guys do you think someone will remember to feed my cat?

Rey: Phasma probably will.

Kaydel: Wait a minute, PHASMA?

Jannah: I thought she died.

Rey: So did I.

Ben: Honestly, so did I. But no, she lived. Again. Somehow.

Zorii: MAGIC

Padmé: IS ANYONE LISTENING? EVERYONE GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW, IT’S TIME TO CLEAN THE COMPOUNDS!

Han: Can- can we figure out whether or not Padmé and Anakin are in a secret relationship first?

Asajj: Easy- they’re in a relationship, it’s just not a secret, even though they think it is.

Han: Oh okay.

Han: What about Ben’s secret relationship?

Din: WHY IS EVERYONE IGNITING LIGHTSABERS ALL OF THE SUDDEN

Fennec: How would I know? I may grab my blaster just in case tho

Ben: I’m not in a secret relationship.

Asajj: Yes you are

Asajj: Tell your girlfriend to stop pointing a lightsaber at me

Jyn: QUICK GUYS, WHO’S IN ASAJJ’S ROOM?

Evaan: I mean Asajj probably is.

Rey: I’d hope so.

Ben: Wait, but what about Jyn’s secret relationship?

Jyn: What???

Fennec: Oh yea I forgot about that one.

Fennec: Forgot to put it on the list.

Jyn: What list?

Fennec: The list of secret relationships in the compounds.

Poe: Wait... you have a list of all of them?

Finn: Every? Single? One?

Fennec: I think so.

Evaan: ...uh oh

Maul: TO FENNEC’S ROOM

Fennec: NONONONO

Padmé: Oh force. This is going to destroy something.

Jyn: BREAK DOWN THE DOOR!!!!

Fennec: DON’T YOU DARE

Rey: oh force.

Anakin: please dont read the list

Fennec: I’M BURNING THE LIST

Padmé: I mean I usually would argue against burning something but YES BURN THE LIST FENNEC

Asajj: FENNEC NO

Cassian: FENNEC YES

Evaan: Why are you trying to break the door down with a potted plant???

Asajj: BECAUSE

Zorii: guys let me pick the lock instead of smashing that plant

Maul: I mean I guess that works.

Din: I don’t even want to see the list, I’m just here for the chaos.

Ben: FENNEC BURN THE LIST

Fennec: Relax I don’t wanna burn my list unless they actually get in here.

Luke: I actually want to see this list, seems interesting.

Ahsoka: Better than listening to Padmé and Anakin argue all day.

Armitage: I’m not so sure I want to read this list...

Jannah: If Zorii/Dino Nuggets is not on this list, it’s not an accurate one.

Kaydel: YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME WITH DINO NUGGETS!?!?!?

Zorii: IT WAS ONE TIME

Kaydel: HOW COULD YOU????

Rose: Is anyone else confused?

Han: Very.

Ezra: Oh wow Zorii where did you learn to pick locks like that?

Zorii: The secret ingredient is crime.

Fennec: OH FORCE THEY GOT THE DOOR OPEN

Cassian: FENNEC SHAND, BURN THE KRIFFING LIST

Fennec: I’M GONNA SHOOT IT

Rey: THEN STOP TEXTING AND SHOOT IT

Fennec: alright i did it

Fennec: Crisis averted.

Ezra: For now...

Chapter Text

Asajj: Just one pairing? Please?

Fennec: no

Luke: Kriff, now I really want to know who was on this list.

Rey: Haha same, right? Guess we’ll never know...

Anakin: Seems sus Rey

Rey: Says you!

Anakin: Fennec? Can you confirm anything?

Fennec: To preserve my health, I’m keeping my mouth shut.

Cassian: Smart.

Anakin: I don’t know, you guys... maybe Rey and Finn? Rey and Rose?

Rose: No, we’re just friends.

Jannah: I can confirm that.

Ezra: *is still trying to read Fennec’s mind*

Obi-Wan: It’s not gonna work.

Ezra: Yes it will

Obi-Wan: *facepalms* No it won’t.

Ezra: How do you know?

Obi-Wan: I-

Asajj: He’s been trying to for the last half hour. As have I. I don’t know why it’s not working.

Fennec: Look, you don’t think I’m going to learn how to protect my mind if I’m going to start a list of secret relationships in the compounds?

Asajj: WHO TAUGHT YOU

Fennec: I can’t say.

Asajj: IT WAS AHSOKA, WASN’T IT

Asajj: AND AHSOKA’S ON THE LIST TOO, ISN’T SHE?

Ahsoka: Why would I be on the list?

Asajj: Good point.

Evaan: I’m honestly starting to get quite curious about who’s on this list-

Fennec: I’M NOT TELLING ANYONE

Anakin: Hypothetically-

Maul: So obviously not hypothetically.

Anakin: If someone WAS on the list, would you tell them if you knew?

Fennec: hmm...yes.

Anakin: Ok goo-

Fennec: ANAKIN, YOUR SECRET RELATIONSHIP WITH PADMÉ IS ON MY LIST, JUST SO YOU KNOW

Ezra: I-

Obi-Wan: Exposed

Fennec: Anyone else?

Jyn: no that was enough fennec

Maul: that was honestly a little scary

Rey: I mean he had it coming.

Din: ENOUGH WITH THE IGNITING OF THE THE LIGHTSABERS

Chapter Text

Fennec: I’m not giving away any more, so don’t even try.

Evaan: I’m done, I just needed to know if Anakin and Padmé were in a secret relationship.

Padmé: Okay, Fennec obviously got something wrong, because we’re not in a secret relationship-

Ezra: PADMÉ WE ALL KNOW THAT’S A LIE

Rey: No one believes that any more.

Padmé: I can still blackmail you.

Rey: Stop

Maul: Who’s blackmailing who?

Din: and I thought I’d finally gotten away from that kind of stuff

Obi-Wan: Padmé seems to be threatening to blackmail Rey.

Armitage: Here we go again...

Rose: I mean it’s better than watching Anakin and Fennec screeching at each other.

Ben: Anakin’s the only one screeching.

Anakin: NO I’M NOT

Ahsoka: the only thing you’re doing is proving us right, Skyguy.

Anakin: SHUT UP SNIPS

Ahsoka: Well, Anakin cries more than he screeches.

Anakin: I REPEAT: SHUT UP SNIPS

Cassian: I half want to see Fennec randomly yell about someone else’s secret relationship, but I’m afraid of what she’s gonna say.

Asajj: Why, are you on the list? 😏

Cassian: no I’m just afraid because it’s Fennec

Quinlan: Well that’s fair.

Fennec: FEAR ME MORTALS

Rose: YOU ARE MORTAL

Fennec: QUIET

Rey: I’m scared

Luke: I’m scareder

Padmé: That’s not even a word

Luke: Shut up you’re not my mom

Padmé: I-

Anakin: Um-

Ben: Well this should be interesting.

Rose: I am done with this Skywalker drama 🤦♀️

Han: but is fennec actually immortal

Ezra: *facepalms*

Padmé: I just want to say that I know one of the relationships on the list, so if you think you might be on there...don’t risk it 😏

Rey: Hmm...is it you and Anakin?

Padmé: you’re skating on very thin ice, punk

Nimi: Wait is she on the list?

Padmé: I’m just warning all of you now. I’m not implying anything.

Fennec: And you guys are scared of ME?

Cassian: I’m still scared. I mean, how did you find out about enough secret relationships to start a list?

Fennec: Well, a few of them told me?

Ben: Really?

Fennec: ok none of them told me then

Maul: Wait...Does this mean ur in a secret relationship?

Evaan: Well we know that Jyn, Ben, and Anakin and Padmé are in secret relationships. And we also know that Padmé and Anakin are in a secret relationship. Or at least they WERE in a secret relationship, now it’s just a relationship.

Luke: We also know that Fennec Shand is a creepy stalker who knows everyone’s secrets.

Evaan: Yes, that too.

Anakin: i don’t like Shand

Fennec: wow thanks

Anakin: She’s coarse and rough and irritating. And she has eyes everywhere!

Obi-Wan: We know 🙄

Luke: Remember when we woke up this morning and thought we were actually going to get something done for once?

Padmé: Well if anyone would like to join me in cleaning the compounds, feel free.

Rey: Hey, I’m helping!

Maul: Same!

Obi-Wan: I’ll help. I lost interest in the whole list fiasco when Anakin and Padmé’s relationship was confirmed

Chapter Text

Padmé has started a chat room

Padmé invited Everyone

Padmé: Thank you to those of you who helped me clean up the compounds today.

Padmé: I have one more request for you today.

Han: ???

Padmé: OBI-WAN KENOBI AND ZORII BLISS, STOP TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE BATHROOM

Fennec: can someone please slip some food under the door or something

Zorii: I’M NOT LEAVING UNTIL SHE COMES OUT AND TELLS US ANOTHER PAIRING ON THE LIST

Obi-Wan: I just have to use the refresher.

Padmé: oh

Padmé: Well then you can use the one in the girls compound if you want.

Obi-Wan: Thank you.

Fennec: guys I’m really hungry can someone send food through the vents

Ben: I really don’t want her to reveal any more relationships, but guys, Fennec’s gonna starve if you keep doing this.

Rey: They’ve been there for three hours. They’re not moving anytime soon.

Fennec: Please send help.

Padmé: LOOK, IF I CONFIRM MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ANAKIN WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO CHASE DOWN FENNEC?

Zorii: I DEMAND ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP

Anakin: HEY PADMÉ WHY DON’T WE DISCUSS THIS WHOLE CONFIRMATION THING FIRST

Padmé: WHAT IF I GIVE YOU A SECOND RELATIONSHIP THEN?

Rey: PADMÉ DON’T YOU DARE

Padmé: IS TWO RELATIONSHIPS ENOUGH?

Evaan: I mean I just wanted to know about Anakin and Padmé.

Han: I don’t even know anymore.

Luke: This is kinda entertaining, but it’s also getting old. And I have to use the refresher.

Kaydel: Yea same lol

Zorii: ...I guess two would be enough.

Ezra: So the terms of the deal would be...Padmé tells the truth about her relationship with Anakin, and she also reveals a second secret relationship.

Rey: I don’t think I like this deal...

Anakin: hey can we talk for a moment about the first part of this deal

Padmé: This is my final offer. After that, we drop the topic of Fennec’s list for good.

Maul: Works for me. I’m not even a part of this.

Quinlan: Same here, I’m just watching from a distance. It’s quite entertaining. Reminds me of the Clone Wars.

Poe: The Clone Wars ended decades ago?

Quinlan: I’m not from your time, Flyboy.

Zorii: YASSSS POE I TOLD YOU I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE WHO CALLS YOU FLYBOY BEHIND YOUR BACK

Zorii: OR TO YOUR FACE

Quinlan: When I was transported to Earth, I was in the middle of the Clone Wars.

Poe: oh that makes sense then

Poe: I was leading the Resistance after we defeated the First Order.

Armitage: Even though we’re still alive xD

Padmé: So does everyone accept my deal?

Zorii: Sure

Fennec: YES. ANYTHING TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.

Din: Sure. I really don’t know what’s even going on here.

Anakin: I- I don’t really accept this deal-

Obi-Wan: Yea well no one cares Anakin.

Anakin: You’re just jealous cause you’re not the Chosen One!

Obi-Wan: I can deal with not being the Chosen One, I have the High Ground.

Ahsoka: Has anyone ever considered that the Chosen One could be a female?

Luke: Hey I thought I was the Chosen One?

Ben: None of you balanced the force. You just tipped it in the favor of the light or dark side.

Padmé: I’ll just take that as a yes from everyone.

Padmé: So...Anakin and I ARE in a relationship. We were planning on getting married in secret, but then the whole sudden travel to Earth interrupted things.

Asajj: Aww, forbidden love.

Obi-Wan: Wait...Anakin?

Anakin: she’s not lying

Obi-Wan: AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?

Anakin: I mean...we thought it was too dangerous, since, you know, Jedi can’t be in relationships and all that.

Obi-Wan: I WOULD HAVE KEPT IT A SECRET

Anakin: R-really?

Obi-Wan: ARE YOU KIDDING ME OF COURSE!

Anakin: wow.

Anakin: thank you.

Zorii: Hey Padmé, you gotta hold up the other half of your deal.

Padmé: Oh yeah! So Rey and Ben are in a relationship.

Padmé: And don’t forget to let Fennec out of the refresher.

Padmé has left the chat

Poe: ...

Kaydel: ...

Finn: rey?

Rey: yea?

Finn: why didn’t you tell us?

Rey: cause we were at war

Armitage: I mean I’d be surprised but I already knew.

Ben: Yea

Poe: So you guys are...in love?

Rey: Yea 💙

Ben: Mhmm ❤️

Poe: Wow this is a lot to take in.

Kaydel: a LOT

Rose: Not really. It only took me about...fifteen minutes? Ten minutes?

Poe: Wait, you knew?

Rose: oh

Rose: yea i kind of knew-

Fennec: As much as I want to see where this conversation goes, is it safe for me to leave the refresher?

Ezra: It is now, yeah.

Chapter Text

Ezra has started a chat room

Ezra invited Everyone

Ezra: I think we need to just look back on everything that happened today.

Din: If you’re bored, why don’t you just say so?

Ezra: Shut up or the next lightsaber that ignites is gonna be pointed at your face.

Asajj: OHHHHHH THE REBEL FINALLY GETS SOME GUTS

Han: If the Jedi fought as well as they threatened, they wouldn’t be extinct.

Quinlan: Wait a minute, EXTINCT???

Luke: is this going to create some sort of weird time loop or warp or disruption or something

Jyn: unless we’re stuck here for eternity

Luke: MOM, JYN’S BEING DEPRESSING AGAIN

Padmé: Jyn.

Jyn: Yes?

Padmé: What did I tell you about being a pessimist when it comes to us being stuck here?

Jyn: Keep up the good work?

Padmé: Exactly.

Din: So...if we are stuck here forever, we might as well talk about what we’ll do with our lives.

Padmé: I want to work in the government. Maybe we could contact the people still back on the planets we used to be on.

Jyn: or maybe they were transported along with us only we were separated and now they’re in a compound on the other side of this planet saying the exact same thing

Padmé: *sniffles* I’m so proud of her 🥲

Kaydel: I wanna open a diner that serves Dino Nuggets and Mac N Cheese.

Fennec: I want to do something with mechanics.

Din: Really? I didn’t know you knew about stuff like that!

Fennec: Din I am literally part robot.

Din: oh

Rey: I’ll go anywhere except for the desert. And I will work any job that doesn’t involve fighting.

Luke: Hey Kaydel, can I work at your restaurant? I can make blue milk!

Din: I can make Uj cake!

Rose: I want to work with animals or machines.

Poe: I want to be a pilot. Padmé, are there starships on Earth?

Padmé: Yea, but they’re called planes, and they can’t fly offplanet.

Poe: *shrugs* Flying is flying I guess.

Anakin: I mean I really don’t know where I’m going to live or work, but...

Anakin: I wanna go to Chliloptee

Anakin: Chlipllioe

Obi-Wan: wut

Anakin: *chopulyert

Anakin: *Chopolaj

Anakin: *Chupotlae

Obi-Wan: Take your time.

Anakin: Chiplo3

Obi-Wan: How did you even get a number in there?!

Anakin: Chipolta

Anakin: I give up.

Ahsoka: You could just say it out loud, you know.

Ben: 🙄 Now look what you’ve done, he’s running around the compound screaming Chipotle.

Kaydel: Can I join you?

Anakin: Sure.

Jannah: YAY CHIPOTLE ARMY

Maul: Why not?

Ben: Great, now they’re all doing it.

Chapter Text

Evaan has started a chat room

Evaan invited Rebel Gals

Evaan: Ok guys I just need to say something.

Rey: Evaaaaannnnnn it’s too earlyyyyyy

Evaan: Wait, I though you were already awake?

Rey: no?

Evaan: Ok cause you weren’t in you’re room. I’m confused.

Rey: uh-

Rey: So what did you need to say?

Cara: *snorts* I know where she is.

Rey: Cara shut up.

Cara: no u

Rey:

Rey: I surrender

Evaan: So Ahsoka brought me some fruit to try.

Jyn: You woke us all up to tell us about a FRUIT?

Evaan: OK BUT GET THIS

Evaan: SHE BROUGHT BACK THIS THING CALLED AN ORANGE

Evaan: AND IT IS LITERALLY PRE-SLICED BY NATURE.

Fennec: I-

Fennec: I must acquire some of this mystical fruit.

Padmé: fruit?

Padmé: pre-sliced?

Padmé: by nature?

Evaan: I KNOW RIGHT

Jannah: Really?

Ahsoka: Really.

Jannah: Really?

Ahsoka: Really.

Jannah: ok but...REALLY?

Ahsoka: Jannah get down here I’m not saying really again.

Asajj: I would like to see this phenomenon.

Kaydel: Should we show the guys?

Jyn: ...

Rose: ...

Zorii: Nah.

Zorii: Wait! Actually yes.

Zorii invited Ezra

Zorii: Watch this.

Zorii: DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE A PLASTIC BAG?

Ezra: DRIFTING THROUGH THE WIND

Ezra: WANTING TO START AGAIN

Ahsoka: *spits water* MY LIFE IS COMPLETE

Leia: Ewwww now I’m soaked.

Ahsoka: sorry

Ahsoka: please dont kill me

Ahsoka: or send the rebel alliance after me

Leia: Lol of course not.

Rose: But- why- Zorii?

Zorii: Lol turns out Jyn isn’t the only one who sings in the shower.

Padmé: You were SINGING?

Jyn: yes

Padmé: I thought you were crying.

Rey: I thought that was Morai screeching 😐

Asajj: I thought someone had snuck a rabid tooka cat into the compound.

Jyn: ...I mean- I didn’t think it was that bad- 😭

Evaan: ok but can we please acknowledge the fact that Earth possesses a fruit that is pre-sliced by nature?

Chapter Text

Mitaka has started a chat room

Mitaka invited The Guys

Armitage: WAIT I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE HERE

Armitage: I THOUGHT YOU DIED

Ben: Why are you terrible at keeping track of who’s alive and who isn’t?

Armitage: you thought phasma was dead too

Ben: That’s fair.

Mitaka: I just want to know why someone’s screeching.

Maul: It’s probably Jyn or Fennec or Zorii again.

Mitaka: It’s in the guys compound.

Maul: I-

Maul: I had no idea anyone in the guys compound could make that kind of sound.

Din: Well I’m over at the girls compound playing sabaac with Quinlan and Evaan.

Anakin: guys

Anakin: it’s Ezra

Anakin: and Obi-Wan

Din: wait WHAT?!?!?!?

Ezra: THERE’S A SPIDER

Ezra: OBIWAN

Ezra: KILL IT

Obi-Wan: IT’S HUGE

Obi-Wan: GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEE

Mitaka: I’m enjoying this immensely.

Ben: I’ve never been more disappointed.

Ben: A Jedi Master and a Jedi Knight.

Ben: Are terrified of a tiny spider.

Luke: Guys I smell something burning?

Han: It’s not my fault!

Quinlan: or mine

Armitage: *whispers* for once

Mitaka: GO GO GO!

Mitaka: They’re attempting to stab it from a distance.

Han: With a lightsaber?!

Mitaka: YOU ALMOST GOT IT!

Armitage: Mitaka stop encouraging this.

Ezra: WATCH IT OBIWAN YOURE GONNA SET MY BLANKET ON FIRE

Obi-Wan: IT’S CHASING ME

Din: now this i have to see

Maul: A fingernail-sized spider chasing a grown adult man who happens to be a Jedi Master and Clone Wars hero.

Maul: I might join the light side just to see this more often.

Anakin: If you know where we could find spiders, I *might* know how to get them into Obi-Wan’s room at the Jedi Temple.

Armitage: And I thought the First Order was an embarrassment to the Empire.

Mitaka: No, we still are.

Armitage: Why have we not fired you yet?

Mitaka: Because you haven’t.

Armitage: ok you’re more bearable than emo ren over there anyway

Ben: Wow thanks General Hugs.

Poe: YESSSSSS I’VE STARTED A TREND

Poe: SEE THAT FINN, I’M A TRENDSETTER!

Finn: Well Damn-eron.

Maul: I-

Maul: I’m not sure whether or not imma join the Jedi or the Resistance.

Din: Wow I wish the New Republic was like this.

Din: They suck.

Poe: EXACTLY

Ben: Hey wait, didn’t you work for the NR?

Poe: nah i was a spice runner

Ben: Oh yeahhhh I forgot about that.

Ben: Weird.

Poe: What can I say, you were a terrible influence when we were kids.

Poe: You still are.

Ben: You were the bad influence ngl

Armitage: Imagine having friends as a kid

Mitaka: *cries*

Armitage: Dopheld we didn’t meet until we were adults.

Mitaka: You act like a little kid, doesn’t that count?

Arm: Mitaka please just stop

Anakin: Wait, can we go back to Obi-Wan and Ezra’s fear of little baby spiders?

Anakin: Not even the big ones, because we’ve fought enormous spiders before.

Luke: I mean everyone has an irrational fear.

Luke: Mine is seagulls.

Anakin: SEAGULLS

Anakin: I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, MY SON

Luke: Listen boy,

Luke: SOMEDAY, WHEN YOU ARE OLDER

Luke: YOU COULD GET HIT BY A BOULDER

Ben: More like burn alive.

Luke: WHILE YOU’RE LYIN THERE, SCREAMIN

Han: Wait, couldn’t he just use the force to stop the boulder-

LUKE: “COME HELP ME PLEASE,’’ THE SEAGULLS

Din: Hmm?

Luke: POKE YOUR KNEES!

Anakin: You’re a psycho wiener.

Din: Uh oh. I know what comes next. Lightsabers start igniting. So can everyone wait just one second...

Din: Let me grab my beater.

Maul: I’m surrounded by idiots.

Chapter Text

Cara has started a chat room

Cara invited Rebel Gals

Cara: Will someone please explain why my eardrums are bleeding?

Fennec: well I wouldn’t know-

Jyn: yea same hehe

Rey: KARAOKE NIGHT IN AHSOKA’S ROOM, EVERYONE’S INVITED!

Cara: W-why Ahsoka’s room?

Ahsoka: We’re having a dead people karaoke night.

Cara: dead people?

Fennec: I got shot and died but I lived.

Rey: I died but I lived.

Ahsoka: I died but then stuff happened.

Jyn: I blew up but I escaped.

Cara: ???

Ahsoka: Dead people karaoke night!

Jyn: Anyone who wants to join, feel free!

Rey: Also, your eardrums are bleeding because Jyn just finished her terrifying rendition of Take A Hint.

Jyn: Shut up you can’t do better.

Rey: Are you challenging me?

Jyn: Yes.

Rey: ok just making sure before things get intense

Rey: *grabs microphone* you and me. right now. let’s settle this.

Cara: Where’d you find a microphone?

Ahsoka: It’s not a microphone it’s a toilet paper tube thing.

Cara: Mk

Cara: Wait, what???

Ahsoka: I dunno we had a couple lying around.

Ahsoka: Ezra and Obi-Wan borrowed one to clobber a spider.

Ahsoka: So we used the other two as microphones.

Jyn: And we occasionally have been using them to whack each other.

Cara: Can I join in?

Fennec: Sure, you can be the judge for Rey and Jyn’s battle.

Cara: noice

Cara: Hey where is everyone else?

Fennec: Watching Ezra and Obi-Wan clobber a spider.

Cara: Oh ok.

Ahsoka: Ok who’s going first?

Jyn: I’ll go.

Jyn: Cara pick a song.

Cara: Hero, by Skillet.

Jyn: Mk here goes.

Jyn: 🎵 IM JUST A STEP AWAY

Jyn: I’M JUST A BREATH AWAY

Jyn: LOSIN’ MY FAITH TODAY

Fennec: (FALLIN’ OFF THE EDGE TODAY)

Jyn: I’M JUST A MAN

Jyn: I’M NOT SUPERHUMAN

Fennec: (I’M NOT SUPERHUMAN)

Jyn: SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THE HATE

Jyn: IT’S JUST ANOTHER WAR

Jyn: JUST ANOTHER FAMILY TORN

Fennec: (FALLIN’ FROM MY FAITH TODAY)

Jyn: JUST A STEP FROM THE EDGE

Jyn: JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THE WORLD WE LIVE 🎵

Cara: I-

Cara: Jyn. Wow.

Jyn: Didja like it?

Cara: I’m astonished.

Cara: That sounds way better than your shower version of Underdog.

Jyn: Thank you.

Cara: Also Fennec, nice save there with the background lyrics.

Fennec: No problem 👍

Ahsoka: Rey?

Rey: Ok my turn i guess

Rey: Ahsoka, wanna choose the song?

Ahsoka: Hmm...Meet Me On The Battlefield, by Svrcina.

Rey: Alright.

Rey: 🎵 No time for rest,

Rey: No pillow for my head,

Rey: Nowhere to run from this,

Rey: No way to forget,

Rey: Around the shadows creep,

Rey: Like friends they cover me,

Rey: just wanna lay me down and finally try to get some sleep,

Rey: We carry on, through the storm,

Rey: Tired soldiers in this war,

Rey: Remember what we’re fighting for...

Rey: Meet me on the battlefield,

Rey: Even on the darkest night,

Rey: I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage, and you will be mine.

Rey: Echoes of the shots ring out,

Rey: We may be the first to fall,

Rey: Everything could stay the same or we could change it all.

Rey: Meet me on the battlefield. 🎵

Cara: Woah.

Cara: GUYS I CAN’T CHOOSE

Cara: SOMEONE ELSE DO THIS

Jyn: Lol it’s fine we’ve had about six battles so far and no one’s won any.

Rey: We just keep tying and then whacking each other with the toilet paper tube things.

Cara: I like this game.

Fennec: Guys gimme a mic I wanna go against Cara.

Ahsoka: CARA GOTTA CHOOSE A RAPPER NAME FIRST

Cara: Why

Ahsoka: I dunno because

Cara: Well what’s your rapper name?

Ahsoka: I don’t have one.

Cara: THEN WHY DO I NEED ONE

Ahsoka: BECAUSE I SAID SO

Cara: Jyn, give me the toilet paper tube.

Jyn: not until you choose a rapper name

Cara: Jyn. Hand me the toiler paper tube.

Rey: As she pulls out huge gun from thin air 😂

Jyn: Yes, sir!

Cara: Rey, choose a song.

Rey: Uhh...One Woman Army? By Porcelain Black?

Cara: *ahem*

Cara: I’M ON THE BATTLEFIELD, LIKE, OH MY GOD

Cara: KNOCKIN’ SOLDIERS DOWN LIKE HOUSE OF CARDS

Cara: IM A ONE WOMAN ARMY

Cara: YES I’M A ONE WOMAN ARMY

Cara: I’M ON THE BATTLEFIELD, LIKE, OH MY GOD

Cara: KNOCKIN SOLDIERS DOWN LIKE HOUSE OF CARDS

Cara: I’M A ONE WOMAN ARMY

Cara: YES I’M A ONE WOMAN ARMY

Cara: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Fennec: i can beat this idiot any day

Fennec: Ahsoka! Song!

Ahsoka: oh force i can never choose just one

Ahsoka: Princesses Don’t Cry, CARYS? The Devil Within, Digital Daggers? Wreak Havoc, Skylar Grey?

Fennec: Ahsoka for force’s sakes-

Ahsoka: Ooh! What about the song from Mulan? Reflection?

Fennec: I can try.

Fennec: Who is that girl I see,

Fennec: Staring straight back at me?

Fennec: Why is my reflection someone I don’t know?

Fennec: Somehow I cannot hide

Fennec: Who I am, thought I’ve tried

Fennec: When will my reflection show, who I am, inside?

Rey: I think that’s another tie.

Cara: I like this game.

Cara: It’s better than listening to Ezra and Obi-Wan screech at a little baby spider.

Chapter Text

Kaydel has started a chat room

Kaydel invited Everyone

Kaydel removed Fennec, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Jyn

Kaydel: I’m worried about those four. They haven’t tried to do anything stupid or illegal or suspicious or destructive for a few days now.

Padmé I’m just grateful for the break.

Maul: You’re right, it’s very suspicious...

Rose: They haven’’t tried to do anything illegal?

Rose: Oh my god, are they okay?

Cassian: Jyn hasn’t accidentally destroyed anything for days. I’m worried.

Ahsoka: Let’s call her!

Leia: But- we don’t have comms- and we’re in the same building-

Ahsoka: Then let’s text her but pretend to call her.

Asajj invited Unknown Number

Unknown Number: Hello, you’ve reached Starkiller Base, Major Disappointment speaking.

Ben: Asajj why do you have Armitage in your contacts under ‘Unknown Number’?

Asajj: Because I just scrolled through my contacts and named one of them Random Number, and it ended up being Armitage.

Unknown Number: You seem to have contacted the wrong number. Goodbye.

Unknown Number changed name to Armitage

Cara: So is anyone gonna question the fact that he just played along-

Quinlan: No.

Mitaka: Nope.

Leia: Not really, no.

Cara: Mk, my turn then.

Cara invited Unknown Number

Unknown Number: Hi, this is ManDADlorian Babysitting Services speaking

Evaan: Y E S

Unknown Number: Do you require a babysitter? Am qualified.

Maul: IT’S DINNNNNNNN THAT IS BEAUTIFUL

Unknown Number: So you don’t need our services? Okay, goodbye.

Unknown Number changed name to Din

Luke: Alright, let me try...

Luke invited Unknown Number

Unknown Number: Hello, this is no one speaking.

Leia: ???

Poe: OML KEEP GOING

Unknown Number: Ummm...

Unknown Number: If you require piloting services, just ForceTime.

Rose: Got it! Rey?

Unknown Number changed name to Rey

Rey: 😂 I tried

Finn invited Unknown Number

Unknown Number: This is Flyboy speaking.

Zorii: POE IT’S POE DAMERON IT IS POE KRIFFING DAMERON

Unknown Number changed name to Poe

Poe: That was fun.

Padmé: Guys we got so sidetracked.

Padmé: We’re supposed to be calling Jyn.

Ahsoka: Oh yeah. I forgot.

Quinlan invited Jyn

Jyn: Hi?

Quinlan: What you doin?

Jyn: building a blanket fort

Leia: i really didnt see that one coming-

Jyn: Let’s make the entire compound into a blanket fort

Jyn: We can make tunnels to crawl between rooms

Jyn: And spy on each other

Jyn: And have pillow fights

Kaydel: Phew.

Kaydel: I’m no longer worried about Jyn.

Jyn: Well it’s nice to know someone cares 🥲

Chapter Text

Fennec has started a chat room

Fennec invited Everyone

Fennec: Guess what today is?

Rose: Your birthday?

Ezra: Tuesday?

Fennec: ok first of all it’s not even tuesday-

Anakin: AREA 51 RAID

Fennec: YES

Fennec: I mean that’s not what I was gonna say but YES

Padmé: We are not raiding Area 51!

Mitaka: What’s Area 51?

Jyn: you poor, innocent thing.

Din: Should I be worried?

Evaan: Din, this is Fennec and Anakin we’re talking about.

Din: I’m just gonna go put on my armor real quick-

Padmé: No one panic! We are NOT raiding Area 51!

Rey: I seriously doubt that.

Padmé: Rey-

Rey: Ok first of all you can’t even blackmail me any more, so don’t even try.

Rey: And second of all, I’m in if Fennec’s in, I guess.

Fennec: I have taught you well, my daughter.

Kaydel: wait...you’re related?

Fennec: no?

Fennec: As far as I can remember. She’s technically from the future.

Rey: We’re definitely not related.

Anakin: WE’RE HEADING TO AREA 51, WHO’S WITH ME?

Fennec: *us 😡

Anakin: WHO’S WITH US?

Jyn: Sure, at least it’ll be entertaining. And a chance to get out of the compounds, finally.

Ahsoka: Wait, how did you guys find out about Area 51 anyway?

Jyn: Padmé told us while talking about government jobs she wants to try to work her way up to.

Padmé: I did?

Ezra: I want to come just to see the shenanigans.

Cara: Why not?

Leia: I’m gonna stay home, I don’t wanna go to jail-

Han: I’m going to Area 51.

Finn: Meh, I’ll stay home and watch from a distance.

Zorii: I’ll come with!

Poe: I’m going!

Zorii: nevermind imma stay home

Poe: Wow, thanks.

Finn: Excuse me Poe, you are definitely not going to Area 51.

Poe: Why?

Finn: Because you promised to introduce me to holodramas.

Ahsoka: On Earth they’re called movies.

Poe: Oops, I forgot. Zorii, you can go again.

Zorii: Sweet! Let’s go find some aliens!

Leia: Aren’t we technically aliens?

Zorii: I-

Leia: When it comes to Earth, I mean?

Leia: Just me? Okay.

Fennec: Alright, who’s coming with?

Anakin: Why do you need to know?

Fennec: So I can figure out what size vehicle we must steal.

Padmé: NO THIEVERY

Fennec: So I can figure out what size vehicle we must borrow for an undetermined amount of time.

Anakin: Alright, the sign-up sheet’s by the refresher in the guys compound.

Han: Why do we need a sign-up sheet?

Mitaka: I’m in!

Armitage: Mitaka please stop going along with everything that involves chaos and anarchy.

Anakin: You drink water, I drink ANARCHY

Ben: no

Anakin: yes

Ben: no

Anakin: yes

Rey: *Skywalker family drama intensifies*

Padmé: I can’t really stop any of you from going, can I?

Jyn: Nope!

Padmé: Just making sure.

Fennec: Ok so far we have me, Jyn, Anakin, Mitaka, Din- WAIT DIN’S COMING WITH US?

Din: yea I’m bored

Din: plus i keep losing at sabaac

Evaan: Quinlan cheats. I’m 100% sure he cheats.

Quinlan: Hey, no I don't! I’m just better than all of you at sabaac!

Evaan: we need to find a different game

Fennec: Anyway, back to the sign-ups. Zorii, Cassian, Rey, Ezra, Cara, Han, Obi-Wan- REALLY?

Obi-Wan: Someone has to make sure you idiots don’t blow anything up.

Asajj: Wait, I’d like to sign up!

Fennec: Ok Asajj is coming too.

Fennec: You know what this means.

Padmé: You guys are all going to get in huge trouble?

Fennec: Yes but not what I meant.

Anakin: WE GOTTA STEAL A BUS

Padmé: NO THIEVERY!!!!!

Anakin: WE GOTTA- uhhh, what was the term you used?

Fennec: Borrow for an undetermined amount of time.

Anakin: WE GOTTA BORROW A BUS FOR AN UNDETERMINED AMOUNT OF TIME

Jyn: ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP

Ezra: YAY ROAD TRIP

Cara: SHOTGUN!!!

Mitaka: shotgun?

Cara: I CALL SITTING FRONT SEAT NEXT TO FENNEC

Ahsoka: WAIT YOU’RE LETTING FENNEC DRIVE???

Fennec: of course

Fennec: I’m the one st-BORROWING the bus, so I get to drive it.

Jyn: I CALL BACKSEAT!

Cassian: Why?

Jyn: Cause then you can make faces at the people behind you.

Padmé: don’t let Jyn get the back seat

Zorii: GUYS WHAT SHOULD WE BRING

Armitage: Are they seriously turning this into a day trip to Area 51?

Fennec: BRING DUCT TAPE

Din: Why?

Obi-Wan: SO WE CAN DUCT TAPE ANAKIN TO A WALL

Anakin: NO

Han: what have i gotten myself into

Ezra: I’ll bring sabaac!

Anakin: *whispers* I’ll bring spiders

Ezra: NO

Rey: I can bring SANDwiches, Anakin.

Anakin: *still whispering* I’ll leave the spiders back at the compound.

Padmé: *spits water* YOU DID NOT

Rey: yes i did

Rey: Ahsoka taught me.

Din: Guys how long do you think this road trip will be?

Cara: As long as it needs to be.

Din: Should I bring holochess, idk if anyone likes to play but-

Han: I’ll play!

Cassian: Ooh, I’ll try? I haven’t played in a while.

Fennec: ALRIGHT, EVERYONE MEET UP BY THE BUS IN 15 MINUTES!

Padmé: WAIT A MINUTE HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THE BASE AND FIND A BUS IN LIKE 10 MINUTES?????

Fennec: the secret ingredient is crime

Fennec: GUYS GET IN THE BUS QUICK

Ahsoka: WHAT HAPPENED

Fennec: THE FBI JUST TEXTED ME

Fennec: WE GOTTA GO

Jyn: A perfect start to our trip.

Chapter Text

Fennec has started a chat room

Fennec invited AREA 51 RAIDERS

Zorii named chat ROAD TRIP

Jyn: ILLEGAL ROAD TRIP ILLEGAL ROAD TRIP

Ezra: you know what every illegal road trip needs?

Obi-Wan: A stolen bus?

Din: Cara screaming at everyone we pass?

Cara: GUYS LOOK THERE’S A PUPPY IN THE VEHICLE NEXT TO US!!!!!!

Zorii: Han threatening to duct tape Din to a chair if he wins at holochess one more time?

Cassian: Rey and Anakin arguing about sand?

Rey: I’m gonna need that duct tape after Han’s done with it.

Ezra: None of the above.

Ezra: Well they’re all correct but not what I was thinking.

Fennec: ANNOYING SONGS TO SING!!!!!

Ezra: you know what thats better than what i was gonna say so YES

Cara: LIVING PEOPLE KARAOKE AFTERNOON

Jyn: Dead People Karaoke Night sounds better.

Jyn: But anyway…

Jyn: THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND

Anakin: imagine having a childhood where you learned kids songs

Din: Is Jyn the only person on this bus who actually had a childhood?

Han: Yes.

Ezra: Yep.

Rey: Yea.

Jyn: LET IT GO, LET IT GO

Cara: CAN’T HOLD IT BACK ANY MORE

Mitaka: Ooh I know some of this one!

Mitaka: LET IT GO, LET IT GO

Ezra: TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR

Anakin: I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO SAY

Rey: LET THE STORM RAGE ON

Asajj: THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

Cassian: I have never heard of this song.

Ezra: WE MUST EDUCATE CASSIAN IN THE WAYS OF FROZEN

Anakin: Guys we have a problem.

Fennec: Did something explode?

Anakin: no

Fennec: Did a tire pop?

Anakin: no

Fennec: Are we all going to die?

Anakin: no

Fennec: I see no problem.

Anakin: I’m hungry.

Asajj: I brought some of that miracle fruit Evaan was going crazy about.

Han: Wow I forgot you were here.

Asajj: I’m just taking pictures and videos to send back to everyone still in the compounds.

Cassian: PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF CARA YELLING TO RANDOM PEOPLE THAT WE’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING ILLEGAL

Asajj: AND pictures of her waving at random people.

Anakin: Can we get Chipotle?

Fennec: of course.

Obi-Wan: So we’re just going to walk into Chipotle, eat, and then get back in the bus and raid Area 51?

Fennec: Yes.

Rey: This doesn’t seem like a good plan.

Rey: I like it.

Cara: All right, what do you idiots want from Chipotle?

Din: Do we have money?

Cara: Yes Padmé let me borrow some. She said Anakin would undoubtedly forget to bring something to eat.

Din: Are we sure Padmé’s not force-sensitive?

Obi-Wan: No, she’s just psychic in that way.

Fennec: TO CHIPOTLE!!!!

Asajj: Wait guys if Cara walks in there with a blaster and the various other weapons that she keeps hidden, aren’t we all gonna get sent back to the compounds?

Anakin: First of all, please stop being logical. No logic is allowed on this trip.

Anakin: And second of all, the FBI is already after us. How much further downhill can this go?

Mitaka: I always thought at some point you would reach the bottom and stop, but this trip is getting increasingly out of hand.

Obi-Wan: But are you having fun?

Mitaka: Surprisingly, yes.

Obi-Wan: Then we’re still good.

Cara: Alright, what do you guys want from Chipotle?

Rey: I will eat literally anything.

Jyn: SAME JUST HAND OVER FOOD

Asajj: do you want an orange

Jyn: YES

Han: Do you think they sell holochess tutorial booklets?

Cara: Doubtful, but I’ll look.

Zorii: Can i have burrito?

Cassian: I want to try an Earth taco.

Cara: Wait I can’t memorize all this, just write it down.

Din: Where?

Ezra: I found a pen but I don’t have anything to use as paper.

Zorii: I have a gum wrapper?

Cara: EW NO THERE’S CHEWED GUM IN IT

Mitaka: Can’t we just write on Cara?

Cara: No.

Din: Of course we can.

Cara: don’t you dare

Din: Decision goes to the driver.

Fennec: Write the list on Cara.

Fennec: BUT WRITE IT SOMEWHERE SHE CAN READ IT, I SAW THAT EXPRESSION DIN

Din: I’m wearing a kriffing helmet.

Fennec: I DON’T CARE

Cara: I hate you all, ok bye.

Anakin: YAY CHIPOTLE AND ILLEGAL ROAD TRIP

Chapter Text

Zorii: ARE WE THERE YET

Fennec: NO WE’RE NOT THERE SO STOP ASKING EVERY FIVE SECONDS OR I’M LEAVING YOU ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD

Zorii: FINE I’LL WALK TO AREA 51

Cara: Well kriff.

Cara: She’s as stubborn as you are.

Fennec: THEN I’LL TAPE YOUR MOUTH SHUT

Fennec: HAND OVER THE TAPE

Anakin: One sec, we’re taping Obi-Wan to a seat.

Obi-Wan: Someone please save me.

Cassian: I’m honestly a little worried.

Cassian: We’re removing the tape after we get to Area 51, right?

Din: Are we?

Asajj: Padmé would totally kill us if she knew about all the things we’re doing.

Din: GOOD IDEA

Din invited Padmé

Padmé: What’s up?

Jyn: THE CEILING

Padmé: Who gave Jyn sugar?

Cara: Actually it’s Chipotle.

Padmé: Ahh. Well at least we don’t have to listen to everyone running around and yelling Chipotle any more.

Padmé: What are you guys doing?

Fennec: Driving to Area 51.

Padmé: Yes but aside from that.

Padmé: None of you are the type to sit quietly for a bus ride.

Mitaka: Well...we’re taping Obi-Wan to a seat?

Mitaka: Din’s hiding in a corner.

Mitaka: Cara’s trying to wash the Chipotle order off her face and arm.

Mitaka: Jyn and Rey are dueling on top of the seats with...I think those are burritos.

Mitaka: And Ezra and Han are playing holochess but with severely modified rules.

Mitaka: Actually no they’re just making their characters beat the tar out of each other.

Mitaka: That’s about all of it.

Padmé: ….WHAT?

Padmé: Some of you will die when you get back here, and it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

Cassian: I’m just eating Chipotle and watching from a distance.

Padmé: WHY IS CARA WASHING A CHIPOTLE ORDER OFF HER FACE!?!?!?

Zorii: We didn’t have any paper so we wrote it on Cara.

Cara: If you want to murder them, you’ll have to get in line.

Padmé: And why are we taping Obi-Wan to a seat?

Anakin: He was being annoying.

Padmé: oh ok i guess i can accept that one then

Padmé: And Rey and Jyn are dueling with burritos???

Ezra: Actually they’re balancing on top of the seats to do it, but yes, those do seem to be burritos.

Han: HEY JYN YOU BETTER NOT LOSE, I’VE GOT 20 CREDITS ON YOU

Ezra: WELL REY I HAVE 20 CREDITS ON YOU SO DON’T YOU DARE LOSE

Padmé: You guys...are betting...on a burrito duel?

Ezra: Yes.

Han: Pretty much.

Zorii: They’ve taken over the entire back half of the bus.

Jyn: YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME

Rey: I LITERALLY AM RIGHT NOW

Jyn: ...FOR NOW

Padmé: Actually I’m intrigued. So what’s the goal of this game?

Han: Good question.

Ezra: They’re just attacking each other with burritos. That’s it.

Padmé: Alright. Well...wait, what’s Fennec doing?

Fennec: Oh I’m just driving.

Padmé: That’s a first.

Fennec; I’ve driven before!

Padmé: No I meant the fact that you’re not causing trouble.

Padmé: Anyway, I gotta go. We’re watching holos with Finn and Poe.

Din: Have fun.

Padmé: Don’t die.

Padmé left the chat

Chapter Text

Fennec has started a chat room

Fennec invited AREA 51 RAIDERS

Zorii: We already had a chat going?

Fennec: Yea but it was so long that it stopped working for me.

Zorii: Ok.

Fennec: Anyway YES WE’RE ALMOST THERE SO LEAVE ME ALONE

Fennec: Also, am I the only one who’s been getting messages from the FBI?

Rey: Yea

Jyn: Yes

Obi-Wan: fajhdsfkljsdfljfsdkjlfdskl;fdlkjasdfljkrkjreigofiavnoipavrjnafcm;kel

Din: ???

Cassian: Anakin stole Obi-Wan’s phone.

Din: Oh yeah how’s Obi-Wan?

Anakin: Taped to a seat.

Din: Really? I haven’t heard him complaining, I’m surprised.

Ezra: Well you see, that’s what the tape is for.

Din: oh

Cara: Hey Fennec can I please use your phone?

Fennec: You have your own.

Cara: Yea but I wanna reply to the FBI texts.

Fennec: Knock yourself out.

Fennec: Just not literally this time.

Cara: No that wasn’t me, that was Bo-Katan. She slipped on the ice while we were on Kijimi.

Zorii: AYYYYYY I’M FROM KIJIMI!!! 😁

Cara: This was before you were born.

Zorii: So?

Fennec: It was a nice planet, but it was COLD

Zorii: Yea, it’s not so nice any more. The FO kind of took over :(

Mitaka: excuse me i’m offended

Zorii: Excuse me you blew up my home.

Mitaka: Actually that was the Final Order.

Anakin: Isn’t that what FO stands for?

Rey: FO is First Order. The Final Order is...kind of hard to explain.

Anakin: Ahh.

Jyn: guys can we not talk about the wars any more?

Rey: Yea, sure.

Cara: GUYS THE FBI’S LIKE RIGHT BEHIND US WE GOTTA MOVE

Cara: but i learned the meaning of life so that’s cool.

Din: What???

Cara: Yay I made a new friend!

Cara: Her name is Melinda.

Cara: She seems cool.

Rey: Hi this is Fennec I just stole Rey’s phone bc Cara has mine.

Rey: CARA I TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES NOT TO USE MY PHONE TO GET ON TINDER

Cara: I’m not on Tinder, she’s your FBI agent.

Din: Wait I still want to hear this thing about the meaning of life-

Cara: It’s 42.

Din: ????

Jyn: Guess she found the glitterstim.

Ezra: Cara’s on Tinder?

Cassian: Cara you’re in government quarantine. How do you expect to go on a date?

Cara: I’m not on Tinder because Fennec won’t let me use her phone to download Tinder.

Fennec: Use Obi-Wan’s!

Cara: oh ok that’s a much better idea

Anakin: NO I’M USING OBI-WAN’S PHONE

Din: WHY ISN’T OBI-WAN USING OBI-WAN’S PHONE?

Anakin: CAUSE HE’S DUCT TAPED TO A BUS SEAT

Din: Oh ok.

Zorii: I think I see the FBI agent. Permission to fire?

Cara: WOAH WOAH WOAH SLOW DOWN

Cara: NO SHOOTING MY FRIEND

Asajj: How did you make friends with the FBI agent who’s chasing us IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES

Cara: Well we both like animals and kicking people’s butts and space travel.

Asajj: Impressive.

Asajj: Can you tell her not to shoot us?

Cara: Technically we’re the ones trying to shoot her.

Fennec: Just make sure Zorii doesn’t shoot anyone- I’m gonna try some evasive maneuvers!

Din: OMIGOD WE’RE GONNA DIE

Din: FENNEC THIS IS NOT SLAVE 1

Fennec: No, it’s Slave 2. Fastest bus in the galaxy.

Cassian: Zorii’s still trying to shoot the Melinda lady, what should we do?

Han: Shoot her...or something!

Rey: No!

Ezra: Steal her blaster!

Anakin: NO

Anakin: Padmé said we cannot steal.

Anakin: Because that would make you

Anakin: A theif

Obi-Wan: Thief?

Anakin: Theif

Obi-Wan: I before e 

Obi-Wan: except after c

Anakin: thceif

Obi-Wan: no

Din: Well at least Obi-Wan got his phone back.

Obi-Wan: someone else please teach Anakin to spell.

Anakin: Sotp.

Anakin: Leav me aloen Obi-Wan

Obi-Wan: I wil nevr sotp

Zorii: This is getting out of hand! Now there are two of them!

Jyn: I GOT ZORII’S GUN!!

Jyn: WHAT DO I DO WITH IT?

Zorii: FAJAFDKLJFDALJKAFDJKLALJKDFAFJLKD GIVE IT BACK ERSO

Cara: THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW!!!

Jyn: OK

Cassian: NO!!!!!!!!!

Rey: Omigod.

Rey: Melinda just ran over it.

Cara: Fennec I need your phone again to send her an apology.

Fennec: I’m never giving you my phone again.

Cara: I highly doubt that.

Chapter Text

Cassian: wait what if we invite Fennec’s FBI agent to come raid Area 51 with us?

Fennec: no. I am not handing over my phone until after this is over.

Cara: Can I FaceTime Melinda?

Fennec: MO!

Fennec: *NO!

Anakin: The fact that you misspelled that really takes away from the whole ‘you FaceTime Melinda and you’re dead’ vibe.

Din: Did Anakin just...day the word ‘vibe’?

Anakin: Yes?

Din: This is so weird considering I spent most of my life terrified of you.

Rey: This is so weird because I spent most of my life comforted by your death and now we’re eating Chipotle on a bus together.

Anakin: wait why would you be terrified of me though 🥺

Cara: NO REASON

Anakin: ???

Fennec: Din Dkarin if you mess up the timeline-

Cara: DKARIN

Cara: THAT’S THE SECOND TIME YOU’VE RUINED ONE OF YOUR THREATS

Cara: WHY HAS FENNEC LOST THE ABILITY TO SPELL?

Mitaka: The real question is how many more times will she do it because it’s very entertaining.

Zorii: the real question is how much farther until we get to Area 51?

Cassian: We are literally driving through the middle of nowhere.

Rey: No, not really.

Rey: Nowhere has a lot more sand.

Anakin: i don’t like sand

Obi-Wan: ONE DAY

Anakin: It’s coarse and rough and irritating.

Obi-Wan: ALL I’M ASKING FOR IS ONE SINGLE DAY WHERE I DO NOT HAVE TO HEAR THE SAND SPEECH

Anakin: And it gets everywhere!

Obi-Wan: WHY ME? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?

Rey: i mean i dont mind sand that much its really soft and-

Anakin: I’ve heard enough.

Anakin: We’re throwing Rey out of the bus.

Rey: uh oh

Fennec: NO MURDRER BACK THERE

Cara: MURDRER

Cara: THAT’S THREE TIMES

Ezra: Wait are we stopping the bus before we throw her off or are we just gonna keep going.

Fennec: I mean at this point I’m not stopping the bus because we’ve been traveling all day.

Fennec: BUT STILL, NO MURDER

Asajj: I’m going to be a neutral party in this but the duct tape’s over by Cassian if anyone was wondering.

Anakin: Thanks.

Anakin: even though i wanted you dead a few weeks ago

Asajj: Thanks bro 👍

Anakin: Hey can u help me tie up Rey

Asajj: sure why not

Rey: I can think of a lot of reasons why not-

Zorii: Hmm I want to choose chaos but I also don’t want to murder my fren.

Mitaka: I mean

Mitaka: To be completely fair

Mitaka: Even if she does die

Mitaka: She’s died before, so-

Rey: HEY HEY NO, DO NOT ENCOURAGE HER

Rey: THAT WAS UNDER SOME WEIRD CIRCUMSTANCES

Jyn: Being randomly transported to a planet where no one’s ever heard of the Empire or the Rebellion (or whatever the two sides are called wherever you guys were in time idk) doesn’t count as weird circumstances?

Rey: I was trying to murder my only remaining family member, who was trying to take over the galaxy with this huge fleet of ships that no one knew about for a couple decades, with help from someone I almost murdered about three hours beforehand. All of this occurred a couple hours after I had to fight against myself.

Jyn: Well kriff. Now I’m kind of glad I was about to blow up so I don’t have to see that stuff happen.

Rey: Yea a lot of weird stuff happens in the future.

Han: Ok, but I doubt you can get much weirder than a giant space station that destroys planets.

Rey:

Zorii:

Mitaka:

Han: oh no

Han: how bad does it get

Rey: I’m not sure how much we can give away without destroying the timeline.

Anakin: Wait, PLANET-DESTROYING SPACE STATIONS EXIST?!?!?!?

Ezra: oh kriff.

Ezra: Should we tell him?

Mitaka: This trip is getting increasingly uncomfortable.

Mitaka: I’m still having fun though, so I guess everything’s fine.

Mitaka: Except for the fact that we’re now messing with a timeline which means some of us could never be born holy force now that I’m saying this out loud it seems worse-

Din: Look on the bright side. Maybe if we mess with the timeline, planet-destroying space stations won’t exist!

Jyn: Or maybe it doesn’t matter cause we’re all stuck here and never going back to our galaxy and so the timeline is useless now.

Fennec: I like her.

Cara: Din can we keep her?

Din: ...fine.

Han: But guys...how bad does it get?

Rey: *inhales* So…

Zorii: Tell him.

Rey: You are stabbed by your emo son on a star-system-destroying planet turned weapon.

Zorii: KRIFF, I didn’t mean tell him everything!

Rey: WELL SAYING ‘Tell him’ IS KINDA VAGUE

Han: oh

Han: I’m gonna need a little while to come to terms with this.

Cassian: You can come hang with me and Din, we used the duct tape to build a fort.

Han: Thank you.

Anakin: Does this mean you guys are gonna tell me why everyone’s afraid of me?

Obi-Wan: Because you’re an annoying, whiny womp rat.

Anakin: ALRIGHT THAT’S IT, YOU’RE GETTING YEETED OFF THE BUS NOW TOO

Fennec: You guys are really trying to fit in as much chaos into the last fifteen minutes of our trip as you can, aren’t you?

Chapter Text

Fennec: IGHT WE’RE FIVE MINUTES AWAY SO YOU IDIOTS HAVE FIVE MINUTES UNTIL MURDER IS BANNED AGAIN

Anakin: ahhh yes, she’s lifted the murder on ban.

Asajj: The kriff are you on.

Anakin: *ban on murder

Rey: Geez and I thought the Skywalkers in our generation were the worst.

Han: Yea, that’s what I thought until I found out I was STABBED

Jyn: I mean it’s better than blowing up.

Din: Why is Jyn so salty about blowing up?

Jyn: BECAUSE I WANTED TO LEAVE IN A ESCAPE POD BUT CASSIAN SAID WE SHOULD GO DOWN TO THE BEACH TO WAIT FOR THE REST OF ROGUE ONE

Jyn: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

Jyn: THEY WERE ALL DEAD

Jyn: WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD YOU WOULD HAPPEN, CASSIAN

Din: And I thought having to deal with Cara was tough.

Han: I have to deal with Luke and Leia.

Mitaka: I have to deal with Hux and Kylo.

Anakin: Guys.

Anakin: I have to deal with myself.

Fennec: winner

Zorii: by a landslide

Asajj: winner

Obi-Wan: Whiner, more like.

Anakin: Din, Cassian, may I borrow the duct tape?

Cara: Oh yea did anyone get thrown off the bus yet?

Ezra: No, Rey took Jyn hostage.

Cassian: Well I’m not complaining.

Jyn: I WILL SNEAK INTO YOUR ROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND HAUNT YOUR NIGHTMARES

Fennec: That’s not even a threat.

Fennec: You already sneak into Cassian’s room in the middle of the night.

Fennec: Try something more like ‘I will track you down from halfway across the galaxy and exact my revenge’.

Asajj: 👀

Ezra: 😏

Han: You wanna explain, Erso?

Jyn: oh kriff FENNEC YOU’RE DEAD

Fennec: WOULDN’T BE THE FIRST TIME

Jyn: I WILL RIP OUT YOUR CYBERNETIC GUTS AND LEAVE YOU FOR DEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS DESERT

Fennec: Ooh, much more intimidating. Except this also wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been left for dead in the middle of a desert, but you started out strong.

Jyn: WELL THEN I WILL RIP OUT YOUR CYBERNETIC GUTS AND THEN DRIVE BACK TO CHIPOTLE AND LEAVE YOU FOR DEAD IN CHIPOTLE

Cara: ALRIGHT THAT’S ENOUGH BACK THERE

Jyn: MAKE ME STOP

Cara: FINE I WILL

Rey: oh kriff

Rey: Cara has entered the battlefield.

Fennec: What’s she doing, I can’t look away from the road rn

Ezra: She and Jyn are gonna battle on top of the seats.

Din: I can temporarily take over driving, I don’t wanna be anywhere near this fight.

Fennec: Yes please, thank you.

Din: Thank you, I was dying back there.

Fennec: Wow look at my girlfriend go.

Cara: What?

Fennec: I said she’s right behind you.

Cara: Ok thx!

Fennec: 🥰

Din: ok so it turns out Earth vehicles are nothing like spaceships FENNEC I NEED HELP

Fennec: mk i can take over again

Fennec: ALRIGHT ALL OF YOU SIT DOWN WE’RE AT AREA 51

Zorii: FINALLY

Rey: Umm...guys?

Rey: I think we have a problem, unless I’m the only one seeing this.

Mitaka: Nope, I see it too.

Asajj: I’m...very confused.

Cassian: So unless this is a coincidence and there’s two identical buildings…

Jyn: Area 51...are the compounds we’ve been staying in!?

Chapter Text

Padmé has started a chat room

Padmé invited Area 51 Idiots

Padmé: So how was your road trip?

Cassian: Cursed.

Din: Terrifying.

Fennec: Beautiful.

Han: Shocking.

Cara: Chaotic,

Anakin: Tasty.

Mitaka: Fun!

Padmé: I don’t even want to know.

Jyn: Well you see…

Padmé: I SAID I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

Jyn: YES BUT THAT USUALLY MEANS YOU DO WANT TO KNOW

Padmé: YOU HAVE A POINT

Jyn: WHY ARE WE YELLING?

Padmé: I HAVE NO IDEA

Cara: I made a new friend today.

Padmé: I’m so proud of you.

Cara: Zorii tried to shoot her.

Padmé: I’m so terrified of you.

Zorii: SHE WAS CHASING US

Fennec: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SHOOT HER

Obi-Wan: I hated it.

Obi-Wan: Anakin taped me to a seat.

Din: Cassian and I built a duct tape fort.

Han: Rey told me how I die.

Rey: IT’S ZORII’S FAULT

Zorii: I DIDN’T TELL YOU TO SPECIFICALLY SAY THAT PART

Rey: YES WELL YOU DIDN’T TELL ME NOT TO EITHER

Padmé: How….how DO you die?

Han: I don’t wanna talk about it.

Padmé: Did she say who?

Han: not specifically, no

Han: Wait, do you know?

Padmé: No I’m just curious.

Anakin: That’s a little creepy.

Padmé: I’m a little creepy.

Cara: And I always thought you were just some constantly diplomatic politician.

Padmé: *shrugs*

Cara: I like her.

Fennec: Have you ever died?

Padmé: Not yet, no.

Fennec: Kriff, I was gonna invite you to be a part of dead person karaoke night.

Fennec: Do you know how you die?

Padmé: Also not yet, but I’d be willing to find out if I can join your night of tone-deaf screeching.

Asajj: Is it just me or did Padmé go from being this vanilla mom to being...This?

Padmé: well no one’s blowing anything up right now so I’m taking some time off from being the constantly responsible one.

Padmé: How do I die?

Mitaka: I love how we’ve all just given up on keeping the whole timeline intact.

Jyn: It’s pointless. We’re stuck here. Deal with it.

Din: So uh...who’s telling her?

Ezra: Not it.

Ezra: I don’t even know the answer.

Rey: Well you see…

Rey: You’re sad.

Rey: So you die.

Padmé: ...that’s all?

Rey: yes, actually

Padmé: That’s kind of disappointing to be honest.

Padmé: I always thought I’d die in battle or something. Defending the Senate building maybe. Or like...of natural causes.

Padmé: I die of sad?

Rey: I believe history says you die of a broken heart, but...yes.

Padmé: Well now I’m sad.

Rey: nO NOPE BAD IDEA

Anakin: Who broke Padmé’s heart and where can I find them because WE NEED TO TALK

Ezra: ...well.

Cassian: This got weird fast.

Asajj: We’re casually conversing about death. Of course it did.

Jyn: WELL I HAD A BURRITO DUEL AND THEN GOT MY BUTT KICKED BY CARA SO THAT HAPPENED

Fennec: Ahh yes a topic change

Din: And Fennec almost crashed the bus multiple times.

Fennec: HEY HEY CHANGE THE TOPIC BACK TO THE BURRITOS

Mitaka: We got Chipotle because Anakin wanted it, and then Jyn and Rey tried to whack each other with burritos.

Mitaka: And then Cara was on Tinder.

Cara: I WAS NOT ON TINDER

Rey; I almost got thrown out of a bus.

Anakin: SHE SAID SHE LIKED SAND

Anakin: THIS IS AN UNFORGIVABLE OFFENSE

Rey: SAND SAND SAND SAND SAND

Anakin: QUIET OR ELSE

Rey: OR ELSE WHAT

Anakin: fennec i need a quick crash course on insults

Fennec: um so either target insecurities or insult her mother.

Anakin: ???

Fennec: you know, like a your mum joke?

Anakin: make it make sense

Fennec: just use the first option

Anakin: ok

Anakin: YOU’RE NOTHING

Rey: AT LEAST BE ORIGINAL

Anakin: YOUR MOM

Fennec: THAT’S NOT HOW A YOUR MOM INSULT WORKS

Fennec: I mean it kind of is but it also isn’t.

Zorii: Fennec should to a TED Talk on insulting people.

Fennec; Meet up in my room next week and there shall be a TED Talk.

Zorii: Ahh yes.

Padmé: So guys.

Padmé: Did you make it to Area 51? Or did you just come back here?

Rey: Well you see…

Asajj: NO DON’T LET HER DO IT, EVERY TIME SHE TELLS SOMEONE SOMETHING, IT’S BAD NEWS

Rey: oh ok

Anakin: You see the thing is…

Anakin: Area 51 is actually the compounds.

Padmé: KHDFSHKSDHKFKDFSHSFDHSFDHSDFHKDSFHKSFD WHAT?!?!?!?

Chapter Text

Ahsoka has started a chat room

Ahsoka: So guys.

Ahsoka: o wait no one’s here

Ahsoka invited Everyone

Ahsoka: So I gotta go to my job today

Ezra: YOU GOT A JOB?!?!

Ahsoka: Yes :D

Rose: You go girl!

Luke: Where?

Ahsoka: This place called McDonalds.

Padmé: THE PLACE WITH THE CREEPY CLOWN DUDE??

Ahsoka: YES

Padmé: I’m so proud of you.

Ahsoka: Anyway, I need you guys to watch Morai while I’m at work today, cause no animals are allowed.

Jyn: She really just banned about half of us.

Din: Oh I’d say more than half.

Ahsoka: guys can someone just please take care of morai while I’m gone

Cassian: sure

Ahsoka: thank you

Anakin: I’m making cookies today.

Poe: I’m helping.

Kaydel: Me too.

Din: This doesn’t seem safe.

Evaan: Ooh, cookies!

Jannah: ...crack cookies?

Padmé: nO, NO MORE CRACK FOODS

Jyn: ???

Padmé: They made crack popcorn for our movies while you were gone.

Jyn: I must get this recipe.

Cassian: BURN IT IMMEDIATELY

Fennec: *grabs fire stick* BURN WHAT

Cassian: THE RECIPE

Fennec: you do realize that she will get her hands on it no matter what

Fennec: you cannot stop that girl

Cassian: yes i know that, we literally came up with an illegal, suicidal plan to find the death star plans

Fennec: Then why are you trying to stop her?

Cassian: Because someone needs to at least try even if it is completely pointless.

Ahsoka: You know what I’m just gonna head out to work.

Padmé: As much as it pains me to say this, I will also be leaving work.

Padmé: Don’t burn down the compounds, call me if anyone gets tied up or locked in a closet again.

Rey: yes mom

Padmé: you do realize you’re one of the few people here I’m not related to in some way?

Rose: FoR nOw

Asajj: I’m pretty sure we’re not related.

Padmé: Anakin and Quinlan are basically adopted brothers so that would make you like… look I don’t have time to figure that one out, I gotta go to work.

Padmé: AND THERE BETTER BE THE SAME AMOUNT OF PEOPLE HERE WHEN I GET BACK

Obi-Wan: …

Obi-Wan: Oh good, she’s gone.

Cara: Let the chaos commence.

Din: I have had more than enough chaos.

Cara: Well I haven’t. We’re making cookies?

Poe: Wookie cookies.

Anakin: on Cooking With Anakin

Kaydel: YES

Kaydel: I’M VIDEOING THIS, ANAKIN PRETEND YOU’RE ON A COOKING HOLO

Anakin: Alright class, today we’re making wookie cookies, and also Navarro cookies, as requested by Cara Dune.

Ben: you’re going to make a mess

Anakin: yes

Ben: padmé will kill you

Anakin: the existence of luke and leia proves you wrong

Ben: we were literally pulled out of time

Rey: you know i always thought you guys would get along

Luke: they are getting along

Rey: are you sure

Luke: its a skywalker thing

Rey: ahhh

Anakin: So now you pour the batter into cookie shapes and cross your fingers and hope for the best.

Ben: We’re all dead.

Jyn: if she kills Anakin we bury him in the desert, all in favor say ‘aye’

Obi-Wan: AYE

Maul: ahh yes, definite aye

Han: Don’t you mean WHEN she kills Anakin?

Jyn: yes

Anakin: And now we shall bake the cookies.

Anakin: Time for a vote you guys.

Anakin: So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4000 degrees for 1 minute.

Fennec: oh kriff

Ezra: I’m beginning to understand what Padmé meant when she was talking about us burning down the compounds.

Din: anakin nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES

Anakin: Floor it?

Asajj: Why not?

Ben: I’m going to go hide.

Finn: yea...

Leia: I’m just gonna go hang out with Morai-

Rey: This seems dangerous but I’m staying because there’s food.

Kaydel: I’m staying because we’re going to need video evidence to show Fennec’s FBI agent after we burn this place down.

Cara: I’m staying cause I wanna chat with Melinda again

Din: ANAKIN NO

Anakin: GUYS GUYS GUYS

Anakin: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND

Obi-Wan: ANAKIN YOU ARE GOING TO BURN THE COMPOUNDS DOWN

Cara: I mean I don’t exactly see anyone complaining.

Anakin: I WILL HARNESS THE KRIFFING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

Quinlan: ANAKIN P L E A S E

Ezra: Anyone else notice that we’re all screaming at him to stop while standing here and watching and doing nothing and basically encouraging him to keep going?

Mitaka: Yes.

Mitaka: Who knew the oven could be set to 4,000,000 degrees?

Zorii: To be fair, this is a military base.

Mitaka: True, true.

Ezra: so no one’s gonna stop him?

Rey: nope

Cara: not really

Ben: we are all going to die

Jyn: be positive

Ben: we’re going to die a slow and painful death as flames consume us

Fennec: did jyn seriously just tell someone to be positive

Jyn: you were supposed to say ‘we are all going to die quickly’, but that’s probably more accurate

Chapter Text

Fennec has started a chat room

Fennec invited Everyone

Fennec: GUYS

Fennec: WE HAVE A PROBLEM

Ben: Yes, we’ve determined that.

Ben: Anakin’s gonna burn down the kriffing house.

Fennec: wait what

Fennec: GUYS WE HAVE TWO PROBLEMS

Jyn: yes, we’ve determined that.

Jyn: Anakin’s now fighting with Cara over the best type of cookies

Cara: NEVARRO COOKIES WILL ALWAYS BE SUPERIOR TO YOUR AMETUER SAND COOKIES

Anakin: THIS IS AN OFFENSE OF THE HIGHEST ORDER

Anakin: SQUARE UP

Cara: FINE

Fennec: okay...GUYS WE HAVE THREE PROBLEMS

Din: Yes. Now they’re dueling in the middle of the kitchen while the cookies burn in the background.

Fennec: FOR FORCE’S SAKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE

Fennec: also WE HAVE FOUR PROBLEMS

Mitaka: What’s the fourth?

Fennec: so we were upstairs doing that TED Talk on insults and uh

Fennec: Morai kind of escaped and now we’ve lost her.

Asajj: Say your goodbyes, everyone.

Asajj: Ahsoka is going to shatter us like glass.

Obi-Wan: We’re all going to die TWICE.

Jyn: be positive?

Obi-Wan: TWICE, Jyn. TWICE.

Jyn: Fair.

Leia: We should form a search party to find Morai, and then another group to break up Anakin and Cara’s fight and put out the cookies when they ignite.

Kaydel: I’m with the cookie fire group.

Fennec: I’ll go find the bus, and then we can put together the Morai group.

Ben: Wait...you let Morai LEAVE THE COMPOUND

Fennec: i mean we didnt let her-

Ben: You better hope the force is with you.

Finn: I mean look on the bright side, the TED Talk was good.

Fennec: Thank you :D

Leia: I liked the uno reverse part.

Fennec: wow I’m glad i worked so hard on that

Zorii: But let’s face it, Fennec passionately talking about the correct way to use ‘no u’ for five minutes straight was one of the best things you’ve ever seen.

Jyn: wow now i wish i was at the TED Talk instead of watching the flaming cookie argument

Cassian: you already know more than any being needs to about insulting people

Jyn: true and also the fire argument was beautiful

Cassian: it was less of an argument than Anakin threatening to burn stuff and everyone watching and silently encouraging it

Jyn: Also true.

Leia: Have they set on fire yet?

Ezra: Actually, no, they haven’t.

Zorii: Wait, really?

Kaydel: They are starting to look a bit crispy though.

Han: OPEN THE OVEN

Obi-Wan: NO

Obi-Wan: IF WE SET OFF THE SMOKE ALARM THE FBI WILL COME AND WE WON’T BE ABLE TO SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES TO SET THE COOKIES ON FIRE

Ezra: Dang these cookies are more fire-resistant than Anakin.

Rey: The second Cara and Anakin hear what you two just said we are going to have a galaxy-wide crisis on our hands.

Din: I doubt they heard you, they’re a little busy.

Han: What are they doing?

Din: Fighting with spatulas.

Han: I’m considering going down there but it doesn’t seem like a safe idea right now.

Din: It’s not.

Din: how long until fennec gets back with her bus?

Fennec: Ten minutes if I have to park it, twenty seconds if you guys are okay with the dramatic entrance option and if my modifiers work.

Din: I regret asking.

Maul: dramatic...entrance?

Asajj: I doubt it can beat any of my dramatic entrances.

Fennec: Beep beep morons I’m here

Maul: Dramatic entrance.

Cassian: So no one’s going to question the fact that she just crashed through the wall with a BUS and is perfectly fine.

Fennec: The modifiers worked!

Cassian: m-modifiers? 😳

Fennec: Modifiers.

Poe: Like what?

Fennec: Well Cara and I figured out how to make it fly.

Poe: THEY FLY NOW?!

Finn: Fennec, buses are not supposed to fly.

Fennec: Well this one does.

Asajj: Remember two days ago when this thing was just a normal bus who never had to deal with our wrath?

Fennec: not this bus, sister.

Asajj: We related?

Fennec: no

Fennec: u wanna be?

Quinlan: alRIGHT STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND

Armitage: *protective boyfriend mode activated*

Asajj: ahahah im pretty sure she was just asking if i wanted to be friends w/ her but ok quin

Fennec: wow she really just friendzoned me 😭

Leia: Guys as entertaining as this is, we now need to find Morai, stop Anakin from burning down the compounds, and fix the massive hole in the wall.

Chapter Text

Zorii has started a chat room

Zorii invited Everyone

Zorii: Guys we need to get Anakin and Cara to stop fighting.

Obi-Wan: guys

Obi-Wan: I got this.

Obi-Wan: ANAKIN YOU’RE NOT THE CHOSEN ONE

Anakin: UNO REVERSE

Fennec: *sniffles* I’m so proud.

Ezra: I think this requires someone from the future.

Ezra: HEY ANAKIN, I HEARD THERE’S YOUNGLINGS AT THE UTILITY STORE WE’RE HEADED TO

Ezra: WANNA COME WITH

Ezra: WE GOTTA GRAB SOME SUPPLIES TO FIX THE HOLE FENNEC BLASTED IN THE WALL

Anakin: I’m a simple man, I hear ‘younglings’ and I come with.

Obi-Wan: I don’t even want to know.

Cassian: Believe me, you really don’t.

Obi-Wan: I’d ask how bad it gets, but last time that happened…

Han: We don’t talk about that.

Ben: About what?

Rey: …uh

Mitaka: 😂

Maul: 🙄 you kids from the future and your weird inside jokes.

Rey: Let’s just pretend this conversation never happened.

Mitaka: we should tell him

Rose: we totally shouldn’t

Mitaka: everyone else has given up on preserving the timeline

Rose: yes but this is about preserving our lives

Mitaka: you really think they’d resort to murder?

Kaydel: who’re we even talking about?

Kaydel: wait wait wait

Kaydel: the more important question is, are they related to anakin?

Mitaka: yes

Kaydel: it will lead to murder

Kaydel: even though i have no idea what you guys are talking about

Han: I think it has something to do with that time on the failed Area 51 trip when Rey told me how I die.

Ben: You WHAT?!

Rey: Zorii told me to!

Zorii: I did not tell you to-

Rey: Well you didn’t tell me not to, and he asked how bad things get, and murder kind of topped the list!

Ben: You couldn’t have said something about Hosnia instead?

Rey: I did!

Mitaka: We kind of covered all the bases.

Jyn: it was interesting

Anakin: do you think i should bring my lightsaber with us to the store?

Cara: omigod NO

Luke: ABSOLUTELY NOT

Evaan: BAD IDEA BAD IDEA

Anakin: …?

Jyn: TELL HIM TELL HIM TELL HIM

Cara: THIS IS GETTING VERY UNCOMFORTABLE

Jyn: TELL HIM

Cara: NO, THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT SHOULD REMAIN A SECRET

Anakin: WHY ARE YOU ALL SCREAMING AT ME

Cara: BECAUSE I’M HANGRY

Anakin: o ok that’s a reasonable excuse

Cara: imma go grab somethin to eat

Anakin: you do that 👍

Jannah: I call not going to the store with Anakin.

Ben: I call whatever Han isn’t doing.

Han: I’d ask, but so far that hasn’t ended well.

Jyn: Please please please tell me what happens in the future for u guys to freak out like this 🥺😈

Rey: no because you’ll immediately tell Han.

Rey: and i think we have enough problems on our hands right now.

Fennec: Guys let’s just figure out who’s going with who before we have more than eight problems.

Cara: SHOTGUN!

Ezra: Aww, no fair, you got it last time!

Cara: No, I mean like I found a shotgun in the kitchen.

Ezra: you know what, how about you take shotgun seat too while you’re at it, i’ll just step aside real quick-

Fennec: We’re getting dangerously close to more than eight problems.

Maul: Why is our deadline eight?

Armitage: More importantly, why is there a kriffing shotgun in our kitchen?!

Jyn: Nah, the first question is definitely more important.

Cara: Step away from the passenger seat, I also call shotgun as well.

Fennec: nO SHOTGUNS ALLOWED IN MY CAR

Cara: WHAT ABOUT BLASTERS

Fennec: THOSE ARE ALLOWED

Cara: GIVE ME TWENTY MINUTES AND THIS THING’LL BE SHOOTING LASERS

Fennec: NO SHOTGUN CARA

Cara: BUT THEN IT’LL BE A BLASTER

Fennec: …you win this round

Anakin: We should probably assign groups bc Ahsoka and Padmé are scary on their own

Anakin: But when they work together to murder you, it’s even more terrifying.

Asajj: Got it, so Obi-Wan is afraid of spiders, and Anakin is afraid of Padmé and Ahsoka.

Anakin: FOR GOOD REASON

Leia: Don’t forget Luke, he’s afraid of seagulls.

Luke: Stop it. Now.

Maul: So in other words, the light-siders are losers?

Ezra: Rude.

Obi-Wan: If I remember correctly, I sliced you in half when I was like 14

Rey: I wouldn’t trust a 14-year-old with a lightsaber to begin with.

Cassian: I wouldn’t trust most of us with lightsabers, and we’re adults.

Din: What do you mean, ‘most of us’? I wouldn’t trust any of us.

Jyn: I don’t trust any of you to begin with.

Cassian: We know, Jyn.

Jyn: Just making sure.

Kaydel: Mk so uh guys while you were arguing the cookies finally started to burn.

Jannah: WHY DID IT TAKE THIS LONG FOR THEM TO BURN

Quinlan: They have reached a level of fireproof-ness that none of us can hope to reach.

Ezra: especially anakin

Anakin: WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW THINGS ABOUT ME THAT I DON’T KNOW

Fennec: Idk but guys you have five minutes to figure out who’s going to the utility store with me before I leave without you.

Din: I’m going wherever Cara goes because someone needs to make sure she doesn’t do...anything.

Cara: Can I breathe?

Din: Yes Cara, you are allowed to breathe.

Cara: Can I steal all of the little paint sample thingies?

Din: no

Cara: Mk I’m doing it then.

Han: I guess I’ll head to the utility store.

Evaan: Sure, why not?

Quinlan: I might as well go.

Din: Wait guys we need one more responsible person to come with us.

Zorii: …

Mitaka: …

Asajj: …

Din: We need one more person with more than one brain cell left.

Din: AND THE BRAIN CELL MUST BE USED FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN CHAOS AND ANARCHY

Jyn: …

Kaydel: …

Ezra: …

Armitage: i vote ben

Ben: NO

Fennec: Alright Ben you’re coming with.

Armitage: You know what I’m coming to watch this go down.

Rey: I’m coming to prevent a duel.

Kaydel: I’ll bring the popcorn.

Anakin: Wait guys I’m coming with you!

Anakin: As long as there’s younglings, I mean.

Leia: I...am coming as well to prevent disaster.

Fennec: Ok that’s enough for the utility store group.

Fennec: GET IN LOSERS WE’RE GOING SHOPPING

Han: YOU DON’T HAVE TO YELL

Fennec: IT’S MY BUS AND I’LL YELL IF I WANT TO

Armitage: So...by show of hands...how many of you are bringing lightsabers?

Armitage: oh my god we’re going to die

Evaan: ANAKIN LEAVE YOUR LIGHTSABER AT THE COMPOUNDS

Anakin: WHY

Anakin: BUT YOUNGLINGS

Anakin: I WANT TO TEACH THEM THE FINE ART OF LIGHTSABER DUELING

Evaan: NO

Quinlan: Wait, Leia owns a lightsaber?

Leia: Yes.

Fennec: I don’t know what this says about us but there’s 12 of us and 5 of us have lightsabers. And then the rest of us have various weapons.

Din: v-various?

Cara: Yea me and Fennec have a few backups just in case.

Din: WE ARE LITERALLY GOING TO THE UTILITY STORE

Din: WHY DO YOU NEED WEAPONS?!?!?!

Fennec: This is the way

Din: ok that’s rude no using the mandalorian code against me.

Fennec: no that was a question i just forgot to add a question mark

Fennec: i was asking cara if this was the way to the utility store

Din: oh

Chapter Text

Fennec has started a chat room

Fennec invited WALL SHOPPERS

Fennec: ok so this was the closest utility store we could find with our combined map skills, which are very limited

Armitage: Home Depot?

Kaydel: Why is it so...orange?

Fenenc: I have no idea let’s go.

Quinlan: Hey wait I would like to argue with this chat’s name.

Quinlan: You make it sound like we’re going in there to buy a wall.

Fennec: Are we not?

Quinlan: ...fair.

Cara: Who’s coming with me to the paint sample aisle, I’m gonna need some help to carry them all.

Din: Cara why

Cara: Because

Cara: I want to tape them all over the walls of my room.

Evaan: We should probably figure out who’s here to cause chaos and who’s here to buy stuff to help fix the wall.

Leia: Why are there little boxes on wheels everywhere?

Anakin: Padmé said those are called shopping carts.

Kaydel: ...are any of you thinking what I’m thinking?

Fennec: YES

Anakin: I’M IN

Han: oh no

Han: what?

Fennec: KAYDEL, CARA GET IN

Fennec: GUYS HELP ME PUSH THEM

Din: We’re not even inside the store yet and you guys want to break something.

Cara: I’M GOING OFF THE RAILS ON A CRAZY TRAIN

Armitage: Alright move over ladies let me in

Kaydel: No.

Kaydel: Get your own shopping cart.

Armitage: …

Rey: no

Rey: no way

Rey: absolutely not

Rey: I’m not pushing you.

Armitage: …

Ben: Neither am I.

Armitage: please?

Evaan: I want to ride in the cart.

Armitage: There’s enough room for two people, but we still need someone to push us.

Ben: no.

Rey: you’re terrible at puppy dog eyes by the way

Armitage: 🥺

Evaan: 🥺

Ben: they’re evolving

Rey: ONE time.

Rey: Just one.

Ben: ...fine.

Fennec: FIRST ONE TO THE DOORS WINS!

Din: WAIT NO ALL OF YOU STOP NOW

Din: SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE

Quinlan: I’ll bet you 15 credits that it’s Kaydel

Leia: I’ll put 10 credits on hux but only because they crash into the store’s front door

Anakin: ok I’m getting my own shopping cart

Anakin: Din can you push me in the shopping cart?

Din: Absolutely not. I want no part of this aside from earning the 30 credits I place on Anakin being the one to die.

Fennec: push yourself with the force

Anakin: Wait can I do that?

Anakin: GUYS IT ACTUALLY WORKED!!!!

Din: you just crashed into someone’s car

Din: now we’re going to be killed by Padmé, Ahsoka, and the owner of that poor car.

Fennec: Alright Han can you be the referee?

Han: Sure.

Han: 3…

Han: 2…

Han: 1…

Han: GO!!!!!

Din: oh my god

Leia: why is this actually entertaining?

Quinlan: FASTER, YOU’RE NOT GOING FAST ENOUGH TO KILL ANYONE YET

Anakin: I HAVE FOUND A POWER FAR GREATER THAN THE HIGH GROUND

Anakin: I HAVE ACHIEVED THE RANK OF SHOPPING CART MASTER

Rey: GUYS IF YOU LEAN FORWARD MAYBE IT’LL GO FASTER

Ben: I DON’T THINK THAT’S HOW IT WORKS BUT OK

Cara: FENNEC PUSH FASTER

Evaan: WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE

Din: Anakin is going to kill someone

Anakin: THE FORCE IS TERRIBLE AT STEERING

Din: YOU’VE WRECKED EIGHT CARS

Cara: Ok I’m jumping into Anakin’s to knock him off course

Armitage; To be fair, you can’t get much more off course than he already is.

Cara: Good point I’m jumping into yours now.

Armitage: waIT NO NO NO CARA STOP

Evaan: GUYS PUSH FASTER SHE’S TRYING TO JUMP IN HERE

Ben: HOW MUCH FURTHER UNTIL WE GET TO THE DOORS!?!

Evaan: like fifteen meters oh force we’re all gonna die

Quinlan: There are people watching us, should we be scared?

Leia: Of course not.

Leia: Probably.

Din: GUYS STOP YOU’RE ALL GONNA CRASH

Armitage: QUINLAN OPEN THE DOORS

Quinlan: HOW

Armitage: I DUNNO, WITH THE FORCE, MAYBE?

Quinlan: oh

Fennec: STOP STOP STOP THERE’S A WALL

Kaydel: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S DRIVING

Fennec: OH YEAH I FORGOT

Din: Oh thank the force

Leia: Oml what happened and what was that insanely loud screech

Din: They all managed to stop but the wheels on the wheely-boxes made a loud noise.

Rey: w h e e l y b o x e s

Fennec: l e t s  r a c e  w h e e l y b o x e s  a g a i n

Din: I hate you both.

Leia: What was that insanely loud crash which was then followed by another insanely loud screech?

Armitage: That was Anakin crashing into a giant stack of boxes and then screeching loudly.

Leia: yea i probably should’ve guessed that one

Din: Does this mean I get 30 credits? I mean, he’s still alive, but…

Quinlan: I’ll give you 20 credits and a cheese stick.

Din: That’s fair.

Chapter Text

Quinlan: I am also willing to accept bets on how long it will take for all of us to be kicked out.

Kaydel: We just walked in here.

Quinlan: Exactly.

Rey: That’s fair.

Rey: I’m not betting, but I’d give it five minutes before one of us is kicked out. Idk how long it’ll take for all of us to be banned though.

Evaan: I’ll give us less than an hour, I’m gonna go build a bunker out of those huge boxes over there so I don’t die when you all do something stupid.

Quinlan: I may end up joining you later.

Evaan: I’ll make sure there’s room for at least three of us.

Fennec: Well imma go find a wall.

Rey: I...I’m gonna make sure she doesn’t actually attempt to buy a wall.

Armitage: We should’ve brought Rose with us, she would actually know how to fix this.

Kaydel- I think she’s helping to look for Morai.

Han: Did we think this through at all?

Cara: Of course not, why?

Han: …

Han: Wait where are you?

Cara: Paint section.

Han: Oh yea, stealing the colors.

Cara: BORROWING FOR AN UNDETERMINED AMOUNT OF TIME, THANK YOU

Cara: NOW PLEASE STOP TEXTING

Din: Cara Update: she’s now flirting with the lady working next to the paint samples.

Ben: ...I’m afraid to ask why, but somebody has to.

Din: Because I refused to.

Ben: again, WHY

Din: She”s trying to distract the lady so she leaves.

Din: And now they’re exchanging numbers.

Din: Wow she’s good at this.

Fennec: SEE CARA YOU DON'T EVEN NEED MY PHONE FOR TINDER

Din: give it a minute, she’s finishing up her distraction tactics.

Cara: Hey Fennec, can you drop me off at the cute coffee place we passed on the way here at about this time tomorrow? I’ve got a date.

Fennec: With the Home Depot lady? Wow, that was fast.

Cara: ??? No, with u.

Fennec: …

Anakin: did anyone else hear what I just heard because-

Leia: shut up Anakin they’re having a moment.

Cara: i mean unless u don’t wanna go cause i invited melinda she said she would be ok with being a third wheel but

Fennec: Yes.

Cara: What?

Fennec: yes :)

Cara: Yes? As in yes you’ll go?

Fennec: Yes! 🖤

Cara: YES!

Leia: So we’re all invited to the wedding, right?

Fennec: haha no wedding yet

Cara: well, you were right about one thing, Fennec.

Fennec: just one?

Cara: Ok so multiple, fair point.

Cara: but anyway, u were right about one thing…

Cara: I didn’t need your phone for Tinder.

Din: ...Cara, we’re gonna have to work on your game.

Cara: says the guy who flies around the galaxy in a trash can with wings, trying to find a teacher for his adopted wizard child with anger issues.

Din: ...don’t you dare bring my child into this, you rebel scum.

Evaan: ...what happened, I put down my phone for TWO MINUTES and suddenly you guys are gonna murder each other.

Evaan: ..wait are you absolutely sure that Melinda is ok with being the third wheel for you two?

Cara: It’s a double date? Melinda and Melinda. And me and Fennec!

Quinlan: No, Cara-

Kaydel: Don’t correct her, I wanna see how this turns out.

Anakin: GUYS LOOK I FOUND A WALL!!!!!

Armitage: Yes Anakin, there’s four of them. They make up something called a building.

Armitage: Congratulations.

Anakin: Does anyone here actually know how to fix a wall tho?

Armitage: Good point, no.

Anakin: Let’s just st- borrow this one for an undetermined amount of time.

Ben: I feel like this whole ‘borrowing’ thing is getting out of hand.

Armitage: It definitely has, but I’m not stopping them.

Din: Weren’t you one of the people who signed up because you were helping me STOP the chaos?

Armitage: yes but

Armitage: i don’t see you stopping them either

Din: …

Anakin: OK SO THERE’S 5 PEOPLE HERE WITH LIGHTSABERS, I’M GOING TO NEED AT LEAST THREE OF THEM TO HELP ME BORROW THIS WALL

Anakin: ALSO A COUPLE WHEELYBOXES TO CARRY IT OUT

Leia: oh no

Leia: I look away from Anakin for ONE SECOND…

Din: Don’t worry, I’ve been there too

Din: CARA PUT THAT DOWN

Cara: NO!

Din: NO TOUCHING THOSE

Cara: I CAN TOUCH THEM IF I WANT TO, LEAVE ME ALONE

Din: She is literally worse than Grogu.

Cara: Hey Din can you help me carry these paint samples?

Din: We’re probably gonna need a wheelybox.

Cara: ...probably two.

Din: Mk I think there’s some over by the display of those long circular things with sharp edges.

Cara: The green ones?

Din: Yea

Evaan: An update on the betting: Rey, you’re at 3 minutes and 50 seconds.

Rey: Kaydel and Han just started dueling with pipes, also I’m not betting.

Fennec: I swear you guys will find any occasion to start dueling.

Kaydel: HE JUST INSULTED MY KNOWLEDGE OF WASHING MACHINES

Fennec: …

Rey: Don’t worry, this is a thing she does.

Armitage: I have video evidence to back up that statement.

Ben: So you’re saying they’re now dueling on top of washing machines...because of washing machines?

Rey: Look, Kaydel has a lot of random knowledge.

Armitage: Ahhh yes, *that* friend. We have one of those too.

Armitage: Mitaka knows far too much about insects and knitting.

Leia: ...excuse me did you say knitting ?!

Armitage: yep

Ben: We are a complete and utter disappointment to the Empire.

Leia: Very much so.

Leia: You guys take over the galaxy in the future???

Armitage: Yea basically.

Leia: Surprising, but okay.

Armitage: Rey, Kaydel, this is the part where you guys back us up.

Kaydel: No thanks, I just met you guys like three weeks ago.

Rey: I’m helping Evaan with something.

Armitage: pls

Rey: no

Ben: seriously?

Rey: give me like 30 seconds ok

Ben: k

Leia: I’m still waiting for someone to explain how those two ended up ruling the galaxy.

Rey: oh that’s what you guys needed?

Rey: tbh i have no idea but there was this annoying raisin guy involved

Rey: he’s dead now

Rey: but anyway i actually don’t know how the FO took over

Ben: that was really not helpful

Rey: I wasn’t even there when the FO took over ok

Ben: fine

Ben: Kaydel can u help us out?

Kaydel: naw i gotta beat Han

Armitage: … just don’t stab him 😜

Ben: I hate all of you so so much.

Evaan: *grabs popcorn* I WANNA SEE WHERE THIS GOES

Din: We have acquired the wheelyboxes.

Cara: Let’s acquire some paint samples then.

Din: I’m not a part of this, I’m just helping to push the wheelyboxes.

Fennec: guilty by association.

Fennec: I think.

Fennec: I don’t pay attention to the law unless I’m breaking it.

Quinlan: Yea that’s fair.

Quinlan: GUYS GUYS GUYS WE ARE AT 4 MINUTES AND 26 SECONDS AND ONE OF THE ORANGE PEOPLE IS YELLING AT KAYDEL AND HAN

Kaydel: she complimented my fighting skills

Kaydel: AT LEAST SOMEONE APPRECIATES MY WASHING MACHINE KNOWLEDGE

Han: She kicked me out.

Han: Imma go wait in the bus.

Armitage: *whispers* well, at least nobody’s getting stabbed

Ben: I don’t know, day’s not over yet.

Ben: in other words, shut up or you’re next

Armitage: noted. I’m just gonna go chill with Evaan.

Quinlan: So have we acquired the wall yet?

Cara: We have one and a half wheelyboxes full of paint samples.

Din: You have one and a half wheelyboxes full of paint samples.

Quinlan: So no.

Anakin: GUYS I NEED HELP

Quinlan: OK SO ANYONE WITH A LIGHTSABER MEET UP BY ANAKIN

Ben: I’m also going to hide with Evaan.

Evaan: *sips caf* I’m just watching this unfold.

Leia: How much of the wall do we need to borrow?

Quinlan: I wrote down the dimensions, gimme a minute to find the paper…

Fennec: I don’t think it’s humanly possible to read that writing.

Quinlan: Look, writing isn’t one of the classes you can take at the Jedi Temple.

Anakin: Quinlan, that looks like you dipped a tooka cat in ink and then let it walk all over your paper.

Quinlan: That was oddly specific.

Anakin: There was ink EVERYWHERE

Quinlan: Anakin-

Quinlan: no wonder they stopped letting us bring ink into the temple

Leia: …

Ben: We’re the disappointments?

Leia: I am the only sane person in this family.

Rey: And Padmé.

Ben: and rey

Kaydel: 👀

Armitage: 👀

Fennec: at least invite me to the wedding pls

Chapter Text

Cara: 🎵EVERYTHING IS BLUEEEEEEEE🎵

Din: You’ll never guess which color of the rainbow we’ve reached.

Cara: 🎵AND NOW I’M COVERED IN THE COLORS🎵

Cara: 🎵PULL APART AT THE SEAMS🎵

Fennec: How many wheelyboxes have you filled so far?

Din: Two. She just started filling the third one.

Quinlan: I just want all of you to know that I’ve been videoing all of this.

Rey: I don’t have enough energy to deal with that problem right now.

Fennec: Don’t call it a problem or we’ll be over the limit.

Rey: Mk

Evaan: What was the limit?

Fennec: Eight.

Evaan: We’re wayyyyyyy over the limit at this point.

Leia: I don’t see you doing anything about it.

Evaan: I wasn’t complaining, I was observing.

Evaan: *sips caf*

Anakin: EXCUSE ME, WHERE DID YOU FIND CAF?!?!?!

Fennec: Ok but even I know that caf for Anakin is a bad idea.

Quinlan: So...the wall?

Anakin: oh yea

Anakin: I’ll take this half if you get that half.

Rey: How...how are we carrying said wall?

Fennec: Use the force or something.

Ben: ...That’s not how the force works

Din: Well we have some spare wheelyboxes you guys can use.

Armitage: ...of course you do.

Han: Can you guys speed this up, I’m waiting for you on the bus.

Kaydel: HAHA CAUSE YOU GOT BANNED

Evaan: does anyone know where i can find sugar cause this caf tastes terrible

Kaydel: idk im literally curled up in a washing machine right now

Kaydel: an ocean washing machine by the looks of it

Ben: …

Rey: Like I said. She has a lot of random knowledge.

Evaan: Can I join you?

Kaydel: I can try to make room.

Evaan: LET’S PRETEND ITSA PIRATE SHIP

Evaan: BECAUSE IT’S AN OCEAN WASHING MACHINE

Armitage: ..um?

Armitag: I don’t even know how to respond to this.

Kaydel: 🎵SOON MAY THE WELLERMAN COME

Evaan: TO BRING US SUGAR AND TEA AND RUM

Kaydel: ONE DAY WHEN THE TOUNGIN IS DONE

Evaan: WE’LL TAKE OUR LEAVE AND GO🎵

Han: I’m very confused.

Fennec: There’s only one way to respond to this.

Fennec: Cara?

Cara: I got you 🖤

Fennec: 🎵She had not been two weeks from shore

Cara: When down on her a right whale bore

Fennec: The captain called all hands and swore

Cara: He’d take that whale in tow!🎵

Armitage: I love how we all know the lyrics.

Quinlan: How could any of us NOT know the lyrics? Jyn and Anakin insisted on playing it for FOUR. HOURS. STRAIGHT.

Armitage: Ben. Help me with something real quick.

Ben: I’m not joining the washing machine battlefield.

Armitage: ...Rey?

Rey: I can’t believe I’m doing this.

Rey: 🎵Soon may the Wellerman come

Armitage: To bring us 🍭 and ☕️ and 🍺

Rey: One day when the toungin is done

Armitage: We’ll take our 🍁and 6️⃣🅾️🎵

Rey: Ok apparently I gotta go help Anakin steal a wall now so find someone else to sing 😊👍

Anakin: BORROW FOR AN UNDETERMINED AMOUNT OF TIME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Rey: Yea, that.

Quinlan: We’re about halfway through the wall.

Quinlan: Hey Fennec, can the bus carry this much weight?

Fennec: Remember what I said earlier?

Quinlan: You have no map skills?

Fennec: ...before that.

Quinlan: Cara isn’t allowed to use your phone for Tinder anymore?

Fennec: after that

Quinlan: ……..well there was an extremely long rant about your mom insults?

Fennec: I TOLD YOU I MODIFIED THE BUS

Quinlan: Ohhhhhh

Quinlan: See, you talk a lot, so I had a lot of things to choose from.

Fennec: So yes, the bus can carry the wall. The question is can we carry the wall?

Cara: Wheelyboxes.

Anakin: I think we agreed on a combination of wheelyboxes and the force.

Leia: ...good to know.

Chapter Text

Cara: WE HAVE ACQUIRED ALL OF THE COLORS

Cara: I AM THE MASTER OF THE RAINBOW

Anakin: YEA? WELL WE HAVE ACQUIRED A WALL

Anakin: SO FIGHT ME

Cara: ALRIGHT, SQUARE UP

Anakin: woah woah woah we seem to be getting ahead of ourselves

Quinlan: We would literally have to carry pieces of Anakin back to the compounds.

Din: Without a doubt. Cara would crush him.

Leia: We need help carrying the wall.

Kaydel: Wait, Leia joined the chaos!?

Leia: Reluctantly.

Leia: Technically I’m not even touching the wall, so no crime.

Ben: I just want to say that I’m against this and do not support the borrowing of this wall.

Fennec: They’re a utility store, they’ll know how to fix it.

Rey: That’s not…

Rey: Fennec, we just stole a part of their wall, the question is not ‘will they be able to fix it?’ It’s ‘will they kill us for CUTTING A HOLE IN THEIR STORE?!?!’

Din: I knew I liked you for a reason.

Din: you have to be the one single person who’s tried to help me stop her so far.

Rey: she’s gonna keep doing it either way

Din: I know, but it’s nice to see people trying.

Evaan: Is it safe to exit the washing machine?

Armitage: Depends on how you’d define ‘safe’.

Evaan: oh force

Armitage: there’s literally a huge chunk of the wall floating through the store right now.

Armitage: Fennec and Cara and Din and Kaydel and I are clearing the way so no one gets run over.

Evaan: Ok so if you guys are taking precautions not to run anyone over, I’d deem that safer than our compounds.

Quinlan: I’d deem that correct.

Anakin: what is deem and why do i like saying it

Ben: oh my god i can’t believe i actually looked up to you

Armitage: I can

Rey: I can

Kaydel: I can

Anakin: I can’t.

Leia: guys we’re gonna have to go through this weird thing called checkout.

Evaan: wait don’t we just go up to the owner and pay them?

Cara: WE’D LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER

Kaydel: *whispers* Karen.

Cara: It’s Cara, but what do you want?

Kaydel: …

Armitage: Cara-n

Din: I do not understand this humor.

Fennec: It’s next generation humor, Din. You’re too old to understand.

Din: …

Din: no u

Evaan: Wait, guys, is no u a palindrome?

Quinlan: ...holy force, Evaan just broke language.

Leia: PEOPLE! CHECKOUT!

Anakin: Just point us in the general direction and we’ll try not to crash.

Quinlan: Ok I’ll run ahead and see where she’s pointing.

Rey: WAIT NO THE WALL’S GONNA FALL

Quinlan: I will run ahead a short distance so I can still help carry the floating wall.

Quinlan: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUESS WHO I JUST MET AT THE CHECKOUT

Din: Padmé?

Ben: Ahsoka?

Quinlan: Ok so first of all why would they lie to us about where they work?

Ben: They wouldn’t, but everyone you know is probably dead in our time.

Din: Yea, basically.

Quinlan: oh

Quinlan: ANAKIN, GUESS WHO I JUST MET AT CHECKOUT

Anakin: Sabé?

Quinlan: No.

Anakin: Cody?

Quinlan: Nope.

Anakin: ..Cara’s friend Melinda?

Quinlan: Yea Imma just tell u.

Quinlan: HUNTER

Quinlan: FROM CLONE FORCE 99

Anakin: WAIT REALLY

Quinlan: YES

Quinlan: Ok gimme a sec he’s staring at me weirdly.

Quinlan invited Hunter

Hunter: Could someone please explain what’s going on?

Hunter: Why are we texting instead of talking?

Quinlan: ...We’re gonna have company in a few seconds.

Hunter: wait wait kind of com- WHAT DID YOU DO

Anakin: HI!

Hunter: Hey, I wondered what happened to you! Never expected anything like this, but...well.

Anakin: How’d you end up here?

Hunter: Our ship crashed while we were running from the Empire.

Leia: Running from the Empire? But...Order 66?

Hunter: Didn’t work. We tried staying off the Empire’s radar for a while, but we’ve been stuck here for a few months now.

Evaan: Same here!

Hunter: Nice. Also...who are you?

Din: Uh…that’s gonna take some explaining.

Chapter Text

Hunter: ...so you guys are telling me that you were literally pulled out of time and somehow brought here to this random planet where Jedi, Sith, all that fighting, etc...does not exist?

Din: Yes, basically.

Hunter: And some of you are related?

Ben: Unfortunately.

Hunter: And there are MORE of you?

Quinlan: At Area 51!!!

Hunter: And...you have a modified bus.

Fennec: YES

Fennec: SHE IS MINE AND I LOVE HER

Cara: ...i thought you loved me 🥺

Fennec: I thought that was a given.

Cara: 🥲

Han: GUYS I’M STILL ON THE BUS, PLS STOP STANDING AROUND AND CHATTING

Evaan: Sorry

Anakin: not really

Leia: Hey, would you guys wanna come back to the compounds with us?

Hunter: Sure, I can grab the crew. Everyone’s bored here anyway.

Hunter: It’s way too orange here.

Armitage: It might be a little crowded.

Fennec: Half of the people in our compounds need an excuse to sleep with someone else, it definitely won’t be crowded.

Armitage: Yes but how much of the base has burned down so far?

Fennec: Ohhhhhh yea, I forgot about the whole thing with the cookies for a minute.

Rey: Did they at least burn by the time we left?

Anakin: Nope. They were just starting to burn a little bit.

Rey: Remind me to never let Anakin cook. Ever.

Leia: Great, I’ll remind you when we have the FBI over for dinner and have to explain why we borrowed a wall and burned down the other three walls of the compound anyway.

Rey: That’s fair.

Hunter: you guys.. are being tracked by the FBI?

Cara: I’m friends with Fennec’s FBI agent!

Hunter: Sounds illegal.

Hunter: We’re in.

Hunter: I’ll go round up the crew, you guys might wanna work on getting the wall out to your bus.

Quinlan: Will do, thanks bro.

Quinlan: Alright, so now that that’s over with, how are we going to fit Cara’s colors in the bus?

Fennec: well…

Din: Can I say it this time?

Fennec: Sure.

Din: MoDiFiCaTiOnS

Din: That was surprisingly satisfying.

Quinlan: And what do these modifications entail?

Fennec: Secret compartments.

Cara: SECRET COLOR COMPARTMENTS

Cara: YES

Ben: Where are we putting the colors when we get back to the base?

Cara: My room, obviously.

Ben: oh ok

Din: I can assist with that, it’s the first thing she’s tried to do all day that’s not violent or illegal.

Leia: So are we just putting the wall on top of the bus, or-

Anakin: Sure, why not?

Leia: ...many reasons

Quinlan: Props to Fennec’s modifications, because this bus just held a wall that took like 6 Jedi to lift.

Leia: Actually I’m not a Jedi.

Ben: Same.

Rey: ...it’s debatable???

Quinlan: …*two Jedi and a bunch of random indecisive people

Fennec: GUYS I THINK THOSE EMPLOYEES ARE HEADED OUR WAY

Cara: HOLY FORCE THEY'VE SENT THE ENTIRE ORANGE ARMY

Fennec: Anakin, your friends better get here soon or we’re gonna be in even deeper trouble than normal…

Anakin: Don’t worry, they’re just like us.

Anakin: They will arrive creatively, destructively, and at the last possible second.

Din: I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

Armitage: Look on the bright side, Din. There’ll be more chaos-causing idiots for you to yell at and attempt to control.

Armitage: Keyword being attempt.

Din: nONONONONO-

Cara: TOO LATE THEY’RE COMING!!!!!

Evaan: Now THAT is a dramatic entrance.

Di: I don’t even want to know.

Han: They just crashed through a window on a firework-powered sled.

Fennec: yea, they’re gonna fit in real nicely here.

Kaydel: I don’t think they’re gonna make it…

Rey: They just rocketed over the orange army, or whatever we’re calling that.

Rey: They’ll be fine.

Kaydel: Yea, but will we?

Fennec: OH MY GOD THEY'RE GONNA CRASH INTO MY BUS!!!!!!

Anakin: PROTECT THE BUS

Ben: I think the bus will be fine, if it can hold an entire wall. And us.

Ben: and all the chaos we bring onto it.

Hunter: We have arrived!

Din: ok I really don’t want to be impressed by anything you idiots do, but they just timed that so they slid to a perfect stop, RIGHT in front of the bus door.

Din: ...woah.

Hunter invited The Bad Batch

Wrecker: This is the group we’re joining up with?

Echo: Any of you Imps?

Fennec: Woah woah woah, put the blaster down buddy-

Tech: None of them seem to be Imperial, though two seem to be from a possible future version of our generation’s Empire, if what Hunter said about people from the future being true.

Wrecker: nice, nice, really nice, THERE’S ANOTHER EMPIRE!?!?!

Rey: …

Armitage: …

Tech: Actually, I’m not surprised. Judging by the amounts of weapons and rebels each planet we’ve seen so far possess, it’s not unlikely that the Empire eventually manages to stamp them out and evolve.

Leia: Hey! 😡

Han: sadly, I have no idea how the war ends, though I do live long enough to be murdered by my child.

Han: so presumably, we win.

Kaydel: …at this point I don’t even know what’s taboo and what’s not

Evaan: Can we just take a moment to acknowledge that Han just used the word presumably, because I didn’t know he could speak more than just monosyllabic words.

Hana: mono….what now?

Evaan: I take that back.

Evaan: please disregard the former message 🤗

Hunter: So, where are we headed, Jedi, indecisive people, bounty hunters, and rebels?

Fennec: Strap in. It’s time to see if there’s even a base to go back to.

Chapter Text

Fennec: Holy force.

Fennec: it’s...still intact.

Din: THIS is intact????

Hunter: Am I seeing things, or is there a literal hole in your supposedly intact base?

Ben: It’s...it’s a long story.

Anakin: Why else would we be stealing a wall?

Hunter: ...because you’re Anakin? And that’s just something you would do?

Evaan: that’s fair

Leia: so I’m starting to think I got all my genes from my mom-

Armitage: Is that scientifically possible?

Leia: when Anakin’s involved, normal rules and limitations do not exist

Armitage: Fair, fair.

Wrecker: So you guys all live here?

Din: Us, and also another large group of people with varying amounts of brain cells.

Tech: That sounds concerning.

Din: I have seen things no other being has seen.

Din: Things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Din: Actually, I take that back, there was that time Gideon kidnapped my son. But you get the idea.

Echo: interesting?

Rey: everyone here has some sort of tragic backstory.

Fennec: I died!

Han: I get murdered in the future!

Leia: I’m related to Anakin, and I think that’s the most tragic thing that’s happened to me.

Quinlan: my gf died but it’s all good cause she’s here at the compounds

Kaydel: actually I’m pretty much fine-

Evaan: *everyone here except Kaydel has some sort of tragic backstory

Tech: Would any of you like to explain the fire emanating from the partially demolished building?

Quinlan: ...no, not really

Anakin: It’s fire emanating from a partially demolished building. Does it really need an explanation?

Tech: ...no. Not really.

Fennec: alRIGHT, ALL YOU INDECISIVE FORCE-USING PEOPLE, GET THE WALL IN PLACE BEFORE PADMÉ GETS HOME!

Rey: you really didn’t have to yell, we’re all right here

Fennec: CAPS LOCK SORRY

Rey:

Quinlan: So should we...go inside???

Ben: Probably, but...that’s a disturbing amount of fire.

Anakin: Well I’m heading inside to check on my cookies, you guys have fun.

Hunter: c o o k i e s

Hunter: THIS IS ALL BECAUSE ANAKIN MADE COOKIES?!?!

Leia: Embarrassingly enough, yes.

Hunter: Oh no wonder the whole place is on fire. Anakin can’t bake to save his life!

Anakin: Hey! You don’t have to out me in front of everyone…

Ben: I’m just gonna help with the wall, and then I’m done with all of you.

Han: That’s fair.

Han: I might join you.

Ben:

Kaydel:

Armitage:

Armitage: Then I suppose I should join you just to be careful.

Cara: I’m heading to my room, color time!

Evaan: ...is everyone just ignoring the RAGING FIRE?!

Din: Assistance has arrived.

Din: I found a hose in Fennec’s storage compartments.

Din: Step aside, amateurs.

Cara: …

Cara: din really just walked up here with a huge hose and said ‘splish splash, bxtches’

Din: Objection, I stopped cursing after I adopted the child.

Din: For the most part.

Anakin: NOOOOO YOU’RE WATERLOGGING MY COOKIES-

Rey: I think we’ve all decided to value our safety and continued lodging over your cookies.

Fennec: That’s debatable, I’m hungry.

Evaan: I...I have an orange…

Fennec: M A G I C F R U I T

Kaydel: A L L H A I L

Quinlan: Oh, not again-

Echo: nobody ever say that word again, ever

Echo: I’ve had enough of the color orange to last quite a few lifetimes.

Quinlan: Well you’re gonna hate it here because Evaan has an orange addiction.

Evaan: It’s not an addiction! I can stop at any time!

Quinlan: You brought one with you on a TEN MINUTE TRIP

Evaan: Only cause I knew you idiots were gonna mess something up and inevitably make the the trip last a LOT longer.

Quinlan: ...fair.

Han: Bold of you to assume you're not one of said idiots.

Evaan: Oh I most definitely am, just slightly less so than, say...you.

Evaan: Actually no, I’m a lot less of an idiot than you, but you get the point.

Din: So the fires are basically out...and the government had the foresight to fireproof everything, which is smart considering

everything we get up to…

Din: The base is actually pretty much fine, minus the fact that it’s slightly scorched.

Din: Also, the kitchen in the guys’ compound did not survive.

Anakin: YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED, DEAR KITCHEN

Ben: oh no

Armitage: ‘oh no’????? ‘oh no’ what????

Ben: just wait

Rey: Did you just pull a RECORDER out of your-

Anakin: YOOOOOOOOU’RE HERE

Anakin: THERE’S NOOOOOTHING I FEAR

Anakin: AND I KNOOOW THAT MY HEART WILL GO OOOOOOON

Anakin: WEEEEEE’LL STAYYY FOREVER THIS WAY

Anakin: YOU ARE SAFE IN MY HEART AND

Anakin: MY HEART WILL GO ON AND OOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN

Echo: And we’re just...not gonna question that….?

Leia: So I definitely didn’t get my musical talent from my paternal side.

Rey: I dunno...the fact that Anakin managed to conceal an entire recorder in his clothing is quite impressive.

Leia: Rey, that’s prowess in thievery, not music.

Han: too many big words

Han: do not compute

Ben: So apparently Leia’s not the only one who got no genes from their father.

Armitage: Debatable, you’re both varying levels of stupidity.

Fennec: Alright, we get it. He’s an idiot, you’re an idiot, we’re all idiots. Let’s just go inside.

Fennec: i wanna eat cookies

Chapter Text

Rey: Hi it’s Anakin.

Padmé: Oh no. What did he do now?

Rey: No, it’s Anakin. I stole Rey’s phone.

Padmé: Oh no. What did you do now?

Rey: Okay hi it’s Rey. I stole the phone back, and I’m hiding in my new room.

Padmé: ...new room? Oh no.

Rey: uh-

Padmé: Please tell me Evaan didn’t start one of those sorority things she was talking about-

Rey: Haha no, don’t worry, that hasn’t happened yet! 😅

Padmé: Ok good. So why are you texting me while I’m at work?

Rey: I have been elected to tell you some big, life-changing news. Per usual.

Padmé: Ok. Hit me.

Rey: So we made an emergency trip to the hardware store, for...reasons.

Padmé: wHAT DID YOU BREAK?!

Rey: We didn’t break anything!!! 

Rey: Cara needed...stuff.

Rey: Paint samples.

Padmé: You made an emergency trip to a hardware store for Cara to steal paint samples?

Rey: ...yes.

Padmé: Ok, what’s the big news then?

Padmé: Because there’s no way it ended there.