Chapter Text
You see, it would all be fine if Yuta weren’t so considerate sometimes. Doyoung could just go through life in peace with the occasional recreational trip to pick on Yuta and mock his tastes in animation.
But no, Yuta is an attentive friend. He hunts you down in the practice rooms when it gets too late (Taeyong), or tailors his jokes to you until you feel comfortable roasting him back (Jungwoo), or gives you the quiet, steady support you need through your self-imposed academic crises (Taeil). He hits Doyoung right where it hurts – he compliments his skill for the Clash and pushes him to be better all at once. What is Doyoung supposed to do, say no?
Honestly, Doyoung would have an easier time of it if Yuta weren’t so ridiculous sometimes. Sometimes Yuta says the stupidest shit, and Doyoung can barely believe it’s the same person.
“C’mon, you have to believe me.” Yuta throws his hands out wide. “It was some crazy shit, I’ll admit. Even I didn’t see the army of experimental barista robots coming. But think about it. Would I lie to you?”
Yes, Doyoung screams, in his head, but not out loud, because they’re in a library, albeit a section that allows talking.
Jeno’s leaning half out of his seat, captivated. Doyoung has got to give that kid a talk sometime on gullibility and letting unscrupulous business majors take advantage of you.
“So there I was, a puppy under each arm – they were some wriggly little bastards, let me tell you – and you’ll never guess who showed up next.” At this, Yuta raises a brow, clearly waiting for a flood of guesses.
Jeno falls for it, of course. “I don’t know, was it… the dean? The uni president?”
Yuta shakes his head in amusement. “It was… the queen herself.” He lowers his voice to a whisper for maximum effect. “Kwon Boa.” Then he makes a dramatic gesture like he’s dropping a mic no one gave him.
“No way!”
“Doyoung can confirm,” Yuta says casually. “He was helping me carry the fish tank.”
God, now Jeno will expect this song and dance from Doyoung too. Would it kill Yuta to keep his nonsense contained to a smaller radius?
“Right, Doyo?” Yuta winks at him.
Jeno’s giving Doyoung those awed eyes now, which would have been flattering if they had any logical basis. Doyoung has to put a stop to this.
“I have never seen this man in my life,” he says firmly. “Security!”
It’s almost gallery-worthy, the image of the stupid grins sliding off their faces.
“Doyoung, how could you? I’ve been to your house. I’ve met your parents!”
Doyoung scowls at the memory. Sure, it’d been unpleasant to see Yuta trying to hide how sad he was about spending the holidays alone in a new country, but he’s still not sure getting rid of that frown had been worth the sight of Yuta getting chummier with Doyoung’s parents in five minutes than Doyoung had in twenty years. “Yeah, and someday I’ll figure out how you got them on your side so quickly.”
Yuta deflects, saying that he’s simply the perfect houseguest, but Doyoung will drag the truth out of him someday. He knows for a fact that Yuta isn’t the perfect houseguest. If he were, he wouldn’t be rooting around in Doyoung’s fridge unannounced every week.
Yuta doesn’t stay for long after that, complaining about some kind of case study packet that honestly sounds like it’d be put to better use as fire kindling.
Doyoung isn’t sorry to see him go. Maybe now Doyoung can have an actual intelligent conversation with Jeno in his absence. Also, Yuta has always focused better in smaller spaces, not crowded ones like the library.
Jeno turns to Doyoung. “Wow, I didn’t know you guys were that far along!”
“Huh?”
“Do you think you could give me advice?” Jeno looks genuinely excited for these inquiries that make no sense.
“Huh??”
“Relationship advice!”
Doyoung’s mind stalls for a solid ten seconds. Relationship? Him and… who? Yuta? They were trying to stuff salad leaves down each other’s shirts two hours ago. In what world do they look like a couple?
Why would Jeno feel the need to ask about that, anyway?
“Wait, are you seeing someone? Is someone deflowering my sweet Jeno?”
“Please don’t say it like that,” Jeno says, pained.
“No, I need to know,” Doyoung starts, but relents. “Okay, I won’t. Is someone wooing my sweet Jeno?”
Jeno gives a half-shug, which is basically an affirmative.
“Is it someone from one of your classes? Have I met them?” Doyoung has to wait for Jeno’s responses, but he's already formulating his next questions in his mind. Has Jeno known them long? Are they nice to him?
But then Jeno speaks.
“Doyoung.”
He tenses.
“I know you’re asking because you care, but I’ll tell you when I’m – when we’re ready. And I know you’ll respect that, because you care about me.” Then he finishes it off with a classic devastating Lee Jeno eye-smile, and that’s that.
Doyoung lets his mouth snap shut, abashed.
Jeno lets the silence congeal between them for a few beats, so that it really sinks in. Then he opens his mouth again to torment Doyoung further.
“So how long have you guys been dating?”
“I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me! Does he think I wouldn’t approve? Does he think I’ll embarrass him?”
Ten leans forward, elbows braced on his knees, to give Doyoung a saccharine smile that he hates. “Doyoung sweetie. I know your mind revolves around how you think things should go, but not everyone thinks that way.”
Doyoung ignores this non-contribution with ease.
“God, is this what it feels like when they leave the nest? Is he going through his rebellious phase?”
“Those are completely different things,” Kun points out mildly without looking up from his e-textbook. Across from him, Taeyong doesn’t even bother lifting his head from where it’s pillowed in his arms.
Wow, the wind sure is noisy today.
Doyoung throws up his hands. “And I can’t believe he would have the audacity to hide this from me and then act like I’m dating Yuta! What gives?”
“Yes, exactly,” Ten says calmly. “How could something like that happen?”
Wait. Ten’s agreeing with him. That means there’s something wrong with what Doyoung just said.
Is it not completely preposterous that someone would think he’s dating Yuta?
“Wait, do people think we’re dating?”
Ten barks out a laugh. Kun clicks his tablet shut, in an, oh, this ought to be good kind of way.
Doyoung looks between them in genuine confusion. “But how?”
“You’re around each other all the time. He brings you stuff. You let him get away with shit you’d never let go with me.” Ten counts off a finger for each of these points, then adds another. “Hell, you’ve even agreed to fly to Japan with him at some point in the future.”
“Well, yeah,” Doyoung says. “I need to get back at him for getting on my parents’ good side so quickly.”
Ten nods. “Okay. Do you speak Japanese?”
“I’m studying!”
“Because of Yuta,” Kun points out.
“And all this just for one man,” Ten sighs. “I thought you were better than this.”
Doyoung can think of plenty of things Ten has done just for one man. The man is even sitting right there with them. Maybe Doyoung should remind Ten of some of them.
Apparently Ten can sense the threat in Doyoung’s expression, because he bulldozes on.
“And you’re always nagging at each other to take care of yourselves! Which is fair, actually, but Yuta actually keeps going and makes sure you do it.”
“But that’s what friends do!” Doyoung bursts out. “Taeyong does that all the time! Even last week he was –”
“Helping Johnny,” Ten completes triumphantly. For a second, Doyoung thinks about what “help” probably means to people like Taeyong and Johnny, and tries not to gag. “Like, sure, we want to make sure you don’t keel over and die, but we’re not going to manhandle you into it the way Yuta does. Well, unless it’s an emergency, I guess.”
As if Doyoung would let this twerp manhandle him. “But we fight all the time. What couple would do nothing but bicker?”
Taeyong gestures wordlessly between Ten and Kun. Ten starts to puff up like an offended cat, but calms down at Kun’s hand on his arm.
“I – we can’t –” Doyoung holds his head in his hands to keep the thoughts inside from spinning out of control.
At this, Taeyong finally picks up his head and sighs. “Oh, Doyoung.” He sounds like he’s talking to a child who jammed his nerf gun by shoving something else in and has now come to an adult to fix the toy they didn’t think he should have in the first place. (The specificity of that comparison is a front, of course. Doyoung has no experience with that particular feeling.)
Taeyong fixes Doyoung with a stern look. “Okay, let’s… do a thought exercise. We can walk through this. Remember last year?”
“You’ll have to be more specific,” Doyoung says sourly. He remembers a lot of things from last year, like Taeyong’s betrayal, for instance.
If Taeyong senses the direction of Doyoung’s thoughts, his face shows no sign of it. To the side, Ten and Kun have fallen silent, apparently leaving this one to him. Taeyong reaches across the table to clasp Doyoung’s hands in both of his own. So this is going to be a long one, huh.
“Well, okay, you ran around with Yuta for last year’s Clash, right?”
Rewind back: one year ago. The setting is the science library. The time is way too late in the afternoon for this nonsense.
Doyoung is just about buried up to his eyeballs in cell bio vocab. He’s swimming in the cytoplasm with a Golgi apparatus and some endoplasmic reticulum. He’s losing every last marble he has.
It’s one of his weekly meetups with Jaehyun. Mind you, Doyoung wouldn’t call them “study dates”, per se.
Don’t get this twisted. Doyoung just appreciates Jaehyun because he’s a simple friend. They met in an introductory-level ecology class last year, and Jaehyun has been dependably assisting Doyoung with his finals study guides ever since. Granted, that’s probably so he can leech off of Doyoung’s notes like the baby-faced parasite he is, but at least his companionship comes with free coffee.
Usually he shows up with a coffee in each hand, one for each of them, but today he seems to have forgotten. Doyoung was willing to let it slide in light of the imminent exam, but Jaehyun has been scatterbrained all afternoon. He hasn’t typed a single word into the section of the document assigned to him. He keeps staring off in the distance towards the library entrance… or maybe, Doyoung thinks, the librarian’s desk.
Where Dong Sicheng is reclined all the way back in his dingy little chair, playing some game on his phone out in the open, because apparently he fears no god on earth or in heaven.
In fact, Doyoung can spot the telltale logo of the cafe Jaehyun always goes to, on a cup at Sicheng’s elbow. Doyoung has a sneaking suspicion about some things, the first being what happened to his coffee. The second is that perhaps there’s a specific reason Jaehyun started insisting on meeting during this time slot every week.
Doyoung snaps his fingers in front of Jaehyun’s face. He only relishes Jehyun’s startled jump a little bit before he goes for the kill. “Jaehyun. Just go talk to him.”
Jaehyun’s ears light up like a wildfire, which ruins his attempt at nonchalance. “I can’t. He’s working! I’m working!”
“Oh, are you?” Doyoung sneers and nudges Jaehyun’s book, which hasn’t been turned past the title page. “You could’ve fooled me.”
Jaehyun flushes and buries his face in his textbook in shame, as he should.
Doyoung considers his next course of action. If they don’t do something about this, Jaehyun will be useless for the rest of the day. Jaehyun has already been useless for almost two hours. Doyoung will certainly not be compiling all these terms and definitions by himself.
A crashing sound comes from the entrance before he can decide. The library gates start beeping madly to announce a would-be theft passing through. Unfortunately, the poor soul just walked in, so that’s impossible.
Then the figure straightens. Doyoung’s lip curls. Of course it’d be Yuta.
At least the commotion broke Jaehyun out of his bout of self-pity. They both watch as Yuta walks up to the desk and starts gesticulating at Sicheng excitedly. Sicheng is even listening and nodding back. Doyoung chances a glance at his study partner: Jaehyun has his jaw clenched, his arms crossed. He has transformed into a growling attack dog on all levels except physical. Doyoung can relate. He almost feels his metaphorical hackles rising too, probably at the sight of Yuta pestering some innocent bystander.
But then Yuta spots Doyoung looking at him and lights up. He bounds over before Doyoung can do something drastic like dive under the table.
“Doyoung! Hi! Have you seen yet?”
Jaehyun looks constipated, like he can’t decide whether to be offended that Yuta ignored him, or relieved that Yuta has left Sicheng alone.
Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Seen what? Speak plainly, Nakamoto.”
“Oh come on, is that how you talk to your new captain for this year?” Yuta teases. And of course Yuta would turn out to be an unprofessional leader once he officially gets the job. Doyoung’s going to have his work cut out for him – wait, what?
“What did you just say?”
“Team assignments are out! You’re on my team,” Yuta announces. He nods at Jaehyun. “You’re on the other team with Winko and a bunch of sophomores I don’t know,” he tells him.
Now Jaehyun faces a new dilemma: smile because he’s with Sicheng, or frown because Yuta calls him Winko?
“So!” Yuta continues. “That’s not why I came. Or I guess, not the only reason. Guess what! I’m a captain this year!”
Doyoung and Jaehyun have no response for this information that Yuta spoiled already.
“Doyoung, will you be my second in command?”
If Doyoung had received the coffee that was rightfully his, he would have spat it out just now. “Excuse me? Are you joking?”
“Not at all! I wanted to check with you before I started planning around it,” Yuta says earnestly.
“You can’t be serious,” Doyoung says. “You can’t actually want that. Want me – as your second.”
Yuta’s smile doesn’t dim even one watt. “Clearly you need some time to consider. Well, think about it, okay? I’ll wait!” Then he pats Doyoung’s shoulder and walks away.
Doyoung watches him go, resisting the urge to just bury his head in the table and scream. What the hell is that guy playing at?
Doyoung senses Jaehyun’s judgment from miles away. “What?”
Apparently this is serious enough that Jaehyun is looking at Doyoung instead of watching to see if Yuta talks to Sicheng on his way out. Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at him. “You do realize that clearly Yuta respects you if he wants to ask for your help?”
“Him? Ask me for help?” Don’t make Doyoung laugh.
“You were here. You heard him. Want me to repeat everything for you since clearly it didn’t sink in the first time?” Jaehyun takes in Doyoung’s mulish expression, then says, “Not everyone seizes up at the thought of asking for help, you know.”
You know what, that’s it.
Doyoung stalks right up to the circulation desk and stabs a finger at Jaehyun. “See that idiot over there?”
Sicheng nods, already sliding his phone away into a back pocket.
“He needs help, but he’s too shy to ask,” Doyoung declares, then stalks away.
Then he leaves Jaehyun to face his rising panic alone.
Doyoung accepts the position from Yuta. Half their friend group is there when he does. It’s very embarrassing.
Doyoung’s still thinking about it even a couple of weeks later, when the Clash has already started and he’s supposed to be scoping out the east corridor for the enemy.
He reloads his gun with grim efficiency. Slips out around the corner of this building and sprints to the next.
Why did Yuta ask him?
It’s not like he’s had that much success even as a de facto team leader in the past. Yuta should know; he was there for the whole stinking grand finale. Why would Yuta recruit the fallen enemy he helped put in the ground?
He figures he might as well ask, and does.
Yuta doesn’t answer at first, because they’re busy skulking around behind the anthropology department. He gives Doyoung a hand signal. Doyoung nods. Yuta runs out, and Doyoung covers his exit, gun at the ready. They regroup at the back entrance of another building.
“Honestly? I was really impressed that you took charge last year. Sure, Taeil would’ve been great, but you did really well for someone who stepped in unexpectedly.”
Doyoung’s not sure what’s so impressive about that. He did that for the clout, and moreover, he failed.
“I don’t know why they didn’t ask you to be team captain, honestly. Like, yeah, Joohyun’s a senior, but I’m not, and she hasn’t been leading from the ground since her second year, you know? You’re practically overqualified for this thing.”
Doyoung pretends to fiddle with his gun to hide his reaction. Now that’s just a gross exaggeration on Yuta’s part.
“But don’t tell her I said that. She scares me.” Yuta peers out, then gives the signal for all clear.
“She’s less than 160 cm tall, and she scares you?” Doyoung repeats blankly.
Yuta laughs as they run. “Anyone who can run in heels that tall while operating a nerf gun with nails that long is superhuman,” Yuta tells him. “Also, I tripped over her girlfriend’s backpack once in art class, and I really thought she was going to go all-out Super Saiyan on me.”
Yuta takes art? Isn’t he supposed to be a soulless business major?
But more importantly, Yuta thinks he’s impressive? Impressive enough to rival Joohyun, who supposedly scares him? What kind of timeline is this?
Then they have to jump in to save a little first-year, and Doyoung doesn’t get the chance to ponder it further.
“Well then.”
Doyoung looks to Yuta. Yuta shrugs. Doyoung scowls.
What the hell is going on here?
According to the Plan, which Doyoung lovingly sketched out and Yuta obviously contributed almost nothing to, they’re on schedule to rendezvous with Taeyong on the path by the arts buildings. It’s out of sight from enemy territory and also on Taeyong’s home turf.
There's not a lock of aqua blue hair in sight.
Doyoung actually put effort into making sure his friend would have a post he liked. So why isn’t he here?
There’s a suspicious yelp off to the side, where a group of trees creates a pool of shade. Shit, maybe someone ambushed him. Taeyong is the very image of punctuality. He would never stand them up like this. Doyoung gestures at the spot with his gun, and Yuta nods. They approach in silence.
Nothing prepares them for what they see next.
Honestly, for the first seconds, Doyoung can’t even comprehend it.
Then the truth slams into him. They’ve just walked in on a couple. Making out, in public.
Well, that is indeed a head of aqua blue hair, somewhere in that mess of limbs. Clearly Taeyong got busy instead of waiting for them. And, oh, those legs definitely belong to Johnny. If their sheer length didn’t make it obvious, the hipstery shoes would have. Also, that armband is definitely in enemy colors.
Looks like Taeyong finally made a move. Maybe Ten’s months of pressuring him finally paid off.
God, why couldn’t Taeyong channel his pent-up frustrations into a hunt for Johnny or something instead? Give him a little chase? At least take him out of the game before slurping on half his face? Doyoung could have planned this out better if Taeyong had just told him. They could have used Johnny's greatest weakness against him. It’d be a crafty way to get rid of a major threat.
Yuta elbows him and whispers. “Let’s, uh. Let’s just go.”
Doyoung fake-retches. What is this star-crossed lovers crap, anyway? Come on, Taeyong.
Well, at least Doyoung’s friends will be happy together, finally. All those shy glances and dumb jokes were starting to get on his nerves.
Now if only his other dumb friends could get it together.
“WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS!” Yuta screams. “WHO TOLD THEM THEY COULD DO THAT!”
“I DON’T KNOW,” Doyoung screams back.
Yuta drops to the ground, dragging Doyoung with him. Doyoung would complain, but the whirl of bullets over their heads cuts him off.
He swallows. The sheer amount of ammunition leaving the air is enough for two squads to mutually wipe each other out. Which is objectively hilarious, because it’s just two people.
Ten leaps in front of them with a battle cry. Doyoung shrieks shrilly and scrambles back. Yuta grabs him to stop him from banging his head on the wall behind them. Ten doesn’t even notice any of this, because then Kun launches himself over the wall too, and takes off in a dead sprint to chase Ten down the hill.
Doyoung sags back against the wall once they’re out of sight, hearing Yuta heave a sigh beside him.
There have never been explicit rules about using modified nerf guns, because past teams always focused on territory strategies and person-to-person matchups. The game-runners just assumed the game would stay that way, and so did the captains. The Clash is a source of absolute chaos every year already; why would anyone knowingly decide to make it worse?
Maybe Doyoung should have paid more attention when Ten agreed to defend the hill path alone with no hesitation.
But how was he supposed to know that Ten would end up attaching what looks like five separate unsanctioned mods to his gun in the weeks leading up to the Clash? They’ve only seen two in action so far. Doyoung doesn’t want to stick around for the other three. How did Ten even manage to build all that in? His artistic media of choice are all 2D, and he doesn’t have much interest in working out the engineering problems inherent in building this type of thing. But as soon as Doyoung poses the question, he knows the answer.
Wong Yukhei.
Okay, so when Doyoung thinks about it, Ten has both the creativity and the resources to get this done. But then how was he supposed to know that both Ten and Kun would go overboard like that? Kun is supposed to be the sensible one, and usually he sticks to that image.
Unless provoked, Doyoung suddenly remembers. Like by someone taking the labelled petri dish he and Doyoung had prepared for a bio lab. Or by almost anything that comes out of Ten’s mouth.
This implies that Ten not only chose an underhanded strategy, but revealed some of it to the enemy to goad Kun to reciprocate, which is way outside the bounds of acceptable behavior. Doyoung didn’t raise Ten from their first first of college to be like this.
Doyoung will scold him about it once Ten runs out of bullets.
Really, Doyoung thinks, someone should have realized that once Kun and Ten were put on opposite teams, no one else would exist for them except for each other. Doyoung and Yuta might as well be extra lamp posts along the path for all Ten cares.
They should probably just leave Ten to it. Kun's chasing Ten down the side of the hill facing away from campus center, so there’s a good chance they’ll stay in the area and out of anyone else’s way.
Doyoung kicks a pebble and watches it skitter along the path. “God, why are all our friends like this.”
“Buckling to the pressure of UST?” Yuta says.
“Complete idiots,” Doyoung corrects.
Yuta laughs instead of answering, and Doyoung lets it go. They have better things to do, like meet up with two squads from the east, descend on an enemy squad to terrorize them from the trees, and then disperse in all directions, laughing like mad. Doyoung came up with it, Yuta led the charge into it, and the whole thing fell together like clockwork.
Running one side of the Clash with Yuta might actually be – does Doyoung dare say it? – fun.
Doyoung and Yuta end up separated from the rest when they flee into the history department. They hunker down there, watched over by stern history poster faces.
Doyoung hasn’t seen some of his friends in hours. Taeyong because he’s all but abandoned the Clash, and Ten because he’s abandoned all but the Clash. Well, his one-on-one clash with Kun, that is. If that’s what they’re calling it these days.
After the day they’ve had, the stillness of the empty department is almost peaceful. Doyoung can finally start healing the mental wounds from watching his friends’ ridiculous mating rituals today.
Then Yuta turns to him, and says, “Hey, let’s make a deal.”
And then, well, you know how this goes.
Then, of course, the cavalry arrives, and Doyoung loses the chance to speak, the game, and his last shred of sanity all at once.
“So what you’re really saying is, we got you farther along with Yuta than you ever got by yourself,” Ten says.
“Have you lost your mind?” Doyoung glares at him. “I’m telling you that you contributed to my impending breakdown and I demand repayment.”
To be honest, Doyoung isn’t sure why he’s still here. Clearly whatever thought experiment Taeyong wanted to run had devolved when he had to leave. (He left for dance practice, but not without forcing Doyoung to look him in the eye and nod along as he said some self-affirming words. Doyoung wonders if he should be concerned at how often his meetings with friends seem to turn into therapy sessions these days.) Now Doyoung’s stuck third-wheeling these clowns he calls friends. He can’t even complain about it, because then they’ll tell him he could turn it into a double date if he just got his shit together for once.
Unfortunately, it’d take a lot more than some rude, unsolicited advice to get rid of Doyoung now. After all, the bonds of friendship forged in Bio 101 are ironclad and eternal. Kun was his 8AM lab partner. Doyoung will not forget his sacrifice.
Not that Doyoung isn’t tempted to just dump the two of them and be done with it when Ten tries to pester him into spoiling which teams he assigned them to.
It’s not like it’s such a mystery anyway. As the most ridiculous couple ever, they’re actually banned from joining different teams, because them targeting each other is even worse than them tag-teaming someone else. It simply isn’t worth the collateral damage.
It’s Kun you have to watch out for. Ten wears his unhinged side proudly, but Kun? Kun keeps it in a back pocket for special occasions.
Honestly, everything about divvying up teams is a mortal nightmare. Doyoung has a preemptive headache just thinking about the chart Yuta started drawing up. Every time they get it out, the planning session just turns into a session of mutually despairing over the sheer number of people who are romantically involved with each other in their lives.
Doyoung shudders. He shouldn’t be thinking about it while hanging out with friends anyway. He tunes back in only to find that Ten has turned to Kun to pester him instead. Right now, he’s picking up Kun’s fingers one by one and giving them individual voices, all cutely asking him if he won’t go pick up a cup of boba for his thirsty little Qin-Qin.
On second thought, Doyoung thinks it might be time to astral-project into another dimension.
Doyoung doesn’t get anything else out of that interaction besides more mental scarring, but he’s mature enough to admit that maybe Taeyong was onto something when he suggested that thought experiment. Looking at his problems from new angles can only be beneficial. Why didn’t Doyoung think of that before?
For example, Doyoung hasn’t thought to ask: disregarding whatever the ultimate goal is for Yuta’s nefarious plan, why is that plan working? How is Yuta getting to him? Why does Yuta get under his skin so much?
If it were someone else asking, Doyoung would snap back that that’s just how Yuta is, but in his own mind he can acknowledge the weakness of that explanation.
Doyoung takes a second to wonder if Ten made such a point out of people thinking they’re dating because it relates to this dilemma, but he doubts it. So what if Doyoung and Yuta have a dynamic that people misinterpret as romantic – why would that affect Doyoung’s reactions? Anyway, even if other people are making that mistake, all that matters is that Doyoung and Yuta know what they’re doing, which they do. Right?
Right.
Doyoung can’t let this situation drag on too long. He has important things to do, like figuring out the identity of Jeno’s mystery partner. Is it Donghyuck? Doyoung bets it’s Donghyuck. Doyoung has never trusted the look of that kid.
So for Jeno’s sake, Doyoung really has to sit down and think hard on this one. Once he does, he comes to a surprisingly simple answer.
No matter the details of the evil plan, it only works because Doyoung lets it. He lets Yuta get to him.
Okay. Doyoung feels better with that insight, even if it’s alarming. So he has turned out to be his own weakness. Fine. What's an actionable path forward for the future?
Clearly avoiding Yuta and ignoring the problem is no good. Maybe Doyoung needs to play along for a bit, gather more intel on the situation. Yuta isn’t the most subtle, especially when he’s trying to be. The truth will come out.
Okay, he can handle that. Doyoung nods to himself, his new path decided.
“Guys, I’ve got it. I think I’m, like, some kind of genius.”
Doyoung sincerely doubts that, but he flaps a hand at Mark to continue.
“Okay, get this. What if you bring in the concept of equivalent exchange, like in Fullmetal Alchemist? Like, a person for a person, or a person for a gun, or even like on the arm and leg level! If Edward Elric can do it, why can’t we, am I right?”
Mark turns his wide, sparkly eyes on them, but Doyoung is too hardened and bitter inside by now to fall for it.
The rest of the table doesn’t respond either. Mark deflates like a popped balloon.
Yuta clears his throat. “Okay, well, how about this? Doyo keeps shooting me down on this one, but I think it could really shake things up, bring something new into the game.” Yuta looks excited, which is already a bad sign. Doyoung doesn’t even know what to expect, because he and Yuta have shot down so many of each other’s ideas by this point.
“Mass resurrection.”
Yuta looks from face to face with anticipation, as if they’re supposed to understand before he explains anything.
Taeyong wrinkles his nose. “Like zombies?”
“No, no, like in Naruto! Oh wait – okay, like pre-Fourth-War Naruto. Like, uh… you know what, let’s just pretend that last arc of it never happened.”
“Like Nagato at the end of the invasion arc,” Johnny says, nodding sagely. “I got you.”
“Spoilers!” Ten screeches from the end of the table, not because he actually cares, but because he wants to feel included. Even if he has no real input or desire to contribute to a conversation about Naruto.
Kun looks politely disinterested. He’s taking advantage of Ten’s distraction to sneak extra vegetables into his bowl.
Doyoung is staring at the bubbling soup in the center of the table and contemplating death by hotpot. It’d be an inefficient way to go, but so delicious… and he wouldn’t have to sit through all this drivel anymore.
Okay, maybe Yuta has a point. Doyoung needs more sleep.
He’s forced back to paying attention when two things happen: one, Yuta starts another sentence with “Doyo”, and two, Taeyong stretches out his chopsticks directly in front of Doyoung’s face to pick up a piece of meat from the other side of the table.
Like all the other times, Doyoung eyes the offending arm with no emotion and doesn't budge an inch. He’s not here to indulge Taeyong in his antics. It took Doyoung a few tries to figure out what Taeyong was trying to signal to him, but then he realized it was every time Yuta started a sentence with Doyoung’s name. Okay, so Yuta talks about him a lot. So what? Doyoung already established that he’s an irreplaceable presence in Yuta’s life.
So Doyoung’s just going to stay put and maintain eye contact with Taeyong until the idiot realizes this exercise is futile. They might be here a while. Taeyong’s stubbornness is legendary. Also, he keeps dropping the piece of beef he’s trying to get, because the angle is more difficult from across the entire table.
Doyoung is just about ready to shove Taeyong away and grab the beef for him, when Yuta suddenly grabs Taeyong’s arm. They both freeze and stare at him.
Yuta sighs. “Your sleeve was about to go into the food.”
Doyoung snorts, and Taeyong glares at him.
From Taeyong’s other side, Johnny laughs, rolls up Taeyong’s sleeves, and kisses Taeyong’s wrist when he fake-glares at him.
Ten turns up his nose. “That’s real cute, Suh, but quit trying to come for our spot as #1 cutest couple. You’ll never be able to compete.”
Johnny laughs again, but in a way that says “you’ll regret saying that”, and Taeyong looks like he’s contemplating climbing into Johnny’s lap right then and there.
Good lord. If they get thrown out of a restaurant again, Doyoung’s suing them all for compensation. For now, he just puts his face in his hands and groans.
“Oh c’mon, Doyoung.” Yuta says with no sympathy. “What were you even expecting when we were only going to be wheels number five and six around here?”
“Well excuse me for wanting to have a nice night out with my friends, Mr. Wheel Number Six,” Doyoung shoots back. Doesn’t Doyoung deserve nice things?
“Oh no no, I think you’ve made a mistake,” Yuta wags a finger at him. “I’m Mr. Fifth. You, my dear, are Mr. Seventh. It’s a great number! You should be proud.”
“Then who’s sixth?” Doyoung demands. Aren’t business people supposed to have at least basic math skills?
“Mister Mark Lee himself, obviously.”
“What kind of vehicle are we talking about here?” asks Johnny.
“No, I’m seventh,” Mark mutters.
Finally, someone who gets it. “Exactly! I’m at least sixth by seniority.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Mark says.
“You can’t mean that he’s fifth and I’m sixth,” Yuta says. “You wouldn’t betray me like that, right, Mark?”
Well, tough, Doyoung thinks.
“That’s not what I meant either. I mean, like, you and Doyoung –” Mark starts. But then Taeyong starts clamoring for dessert, and the conversation moves on before Doyoung can ask what Mark means.
He forgets about it pretty quickly. He has a lot to think about.
After Taeyong almost contaminated their soup with whatever outside pollutants have accumulated on his sleeve, he gave up on giving Doyoung such blatant signals. But the damage is done. Doyoung is acutely aware of how many times some version of his name leaves Yuta’s mouth. He’s a little appalled at how many of them are diminutives. But Yuta isn’t looking at him more than usual, or even saying anything particularly incriminating, so it doesn't seem like some part of a grander plan. In fact, it’s almost like… Yuta isn’t aware of what he’s doing. He really just… talks about Doyoung a lot.
The implications are astounding.
Maybe he’s not getting something out of wreaking havoc on Doyoung’s life, because he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. In fact, Doyoung thinks, maybe Yuta doesn’t have any plan at all. The realization dawns on him: when they enact clever deceptions against the other team, it’s almost always Doyoung’s plan. Yuta, when operating on his own, is much more of the type to act on instinct. Even that time he ambushed Doyoung on the quad, it was a crime of opportunity, because Ten had texted ahead and warned him. (Like Doyoung said, all his friends are snakes.)
Doyoung is the brains of the operation here. Why is he going into overdrive over this?
Doyoung drags Taeyong to the side the instant they’re out of the restaurant. “Taeyong. What if he doesn’t know?”
Taeyong peers back at him unsteadily, still a little tipsy. Doyoung has to keep this quick before Johnny comes outside to collect his wayward boyfriend.
“Taeyong,” he tries again. “What if he doesn’t even know what he’s doing to me?”
Hands clamp down on his elbows as Taeyong lurches toward him, his eyes suddenly too awake. Taeyong looks him in the eye.
“Then you tell him.”
Which would be all well and good, if Doyoung knew what exactly to tell him.
It's not like he’s done this before. What is he supposed to say, “you don’t know what you’re doing to me but please stop it”? “I have an inexplicable weakness towards you and I just know it’s your fault somehow”? “Stop giving me the warm fuzzies or I’ll come for your kneecaps”?
God, this is stupid.
Okay, so Yuta gets under Doyoung’s skin somehow. Yuta isn’t aware that he’s doing this. This only works because Doyoung lets it. Why would Doyoung leave this weakness unattended for so long?
Doyoung stares deeply into his midnight snack, pondering, and resolves to never let Yuta realize he eats midnight snacks on a regular basis. He can’t deal with the nagging about his dietary choices right now.
Maybe he’s going about this the wrong way. He’s so stuck in the present, spinning the wheels of his mind aimlessly, when in truth this situation has been years in the making.
Maybe Doyoung needs to go all the way back to the beginning.
Remember that gangly little second-year of two years ago? Dial it back even further. He shrinks before your very eyes (mentally, not physically). Now he’s a first-year. He still thinks he’ll be a chem major, because the stoichiometry unit hasn't seized him by the throat and shook him around yet. He has a stack of ASA flyers from the club fair in his room, but he has yet to figure out which building they meet in. This is his first Clash, ever, and he just doesn’t understand how it all fell to pieces so quickly.
He’s surrounded, and he doesn’t know what to do.
He’s all out of bullets. The three of them haven’t figured out yet that he’s huddled behind this wall, but they’re closing in on him. He draws his knees into his chest and clutches his gun close.
Then they all stumble suddenly, as if something tripped them.
Or as if someone shot them all in the back without warning.
This guy appears from behind as if from a dream. He's crowing about taking out so many at once, but that’s fair; Doyoung would do that too in his position. The guy flips his hair out of his eyes and smiles at Doyoung.
Oh no.
God, if Doyoung weren’t so salty about needing rescue, he’d have to admit. Doyoung does like a man with good aim and no mercy.
Of course, within a day Doyoung was introduced to his less attractive points, but he can’t deny that for that one moment, he couldn't help but smile back.
Years in the future, two things about this encounter will stick close in Doyoung’s memory even as time passes: one, the way he smiled when he introduced himself as Nakamoto Yuta, even when Doyoung ignored his offered hand to help him up out of spite. Two, the way he cackled when he put up a hand for a high-five and backed out just as quickly, shouting “too slow!” like some kind of dumbass.
Then he ran off, and from that day on, he became Doyoung’s nemesis.
Well, okay, a nemesis who prods at him to take care of himself, and a nemesis who served as his captain for an entire Clash last year, but it’s the spirit of the thing that counts. If Doyoung calls him his nemesis, what else can he be?
Doyoung can barely imagine a Clash without Yuta at this point, running around like the nuisance he is. Four years, and Doyoung’s still not sure if Yuta is better as an ally or an enemy. One helps him bring his plans to deadly fruition; the other keeps him on his toes so he can come up with the plans in the first place. One of the primary reasons he agreed to run this year's event with Yuta in the first place was that he couldn’t imagine taking part in it without him. (That, and the incredible boost in reputation.)
The chase just wouldn’t be the same. He doesn’t want to run anywhere or hunt anyone without Yuta there in some capacity.
Doyoung pictures it in spite of himself, for one dizzying moment: the two of them in some forest somewhere, years in the future. No birds singing, but he hears a laugh up ahead, tantalizing. He speeds up to burst into the clearing only to find it empty. He loses time like this: a glint of sun on bleached hair, the flash of a teasing smile in the distance, but Doyoung turns and only finds more silent trees. His hand closes on nothing. He calls out to no one.
This is all very dramatic, Doyoung is aware, but another realization strikes him first.
Doyoung doesn’t want to meet Yuta 20 years from now and still be chasing him, somewhere far out of reach. The thought aches so much he can barely stand it.
Doyoung wants to see him right now and – and –
Oh my god. I’m in love with him.
tae [11:46pm] i’m so proud of you, doyoung
do [11:46pm] not the time! wtf do i do!!!
tae is typing…
tae [11:51pm] i’ve known you for almost four years now, and i've really seen you blossom into the brilliant young man i always knew you would be. others may have doubted, but i knew! i knew!! that you would get here one day!
Doyoung shakes his head at Taeyong trying to turn this into a soppy heartfelt moment when Doyoung is busy having a crisis. Read the room, you numbskull.
tae [11:53pm] i can’t believe you finally got your head out of your ass!
“Congratulations,” Kun tells him the next day, while Ten grumbles and passes him something. It might be a stack of bills. Whatever. What Doyoung doesn’t acknowledge can’t hurt him.
mr moon man [2:18pm] I always knew you’d be epic together. what a power couple
mr dodo man [2:19pm] taeil, that’s not the point!
mr dodo man [2:19pm] but thank u
mr moon man [2:20pm] Seriously though. i’m pretty sure yuta would fistfight people on your behalf if you asked
mr dodo man is typing…
mr dodo man [2:22pm] … tell me more
Doyoung is still in crisis mode a week later, when the semester-end research showcase rolls around. He has never been more grateful that his professor didn’t pressure him to get a version of his thesis ready in time for it, because he’d never be able to focus like this.
Man, being in love sucks.
The first person he spots on arrival turns out to be Taeyong. Before Doyoung can speak, Taeyong grabs him by the shoulders and cheers in his face, “You’re finally here! Good, great, I grabbed you a program. One second… I put it right around here… Oh, that’s right!” Taeyong beams at him.
Doyoung has a bad feeling about this.
“I gave your program to Yuta. You’ll have to go find him!”
Doyoung turns on his heel and starts speedwalking towards the welcome table.
“No, no, don’t just grab another! Do you want to waste paper?” Taeyong activates every muscle of his body to strongarm Doyoung into walking past the table and into the crowd. “Think of the turtles, Doyoung! The turtles!”
He doesn’t let go until Doyoung stops struggling. (For the record, Doyoung only stops because they’re in a public, crowded space.)
Then he disappears into the auditorium, where a selection of dance majors are performing awkwardly on a stage that’s too small, because of course the administration recognizes that the more important majors need an entire stage for their little podiums.
Doyoung stands there awkwardly for a second. So, Taeyong wants to throw him at Yuta, huh? That’s real cute. Doyoung pulls out his phone. It’s a good thing he opened the online version of the event program in a tab last night.
He starts to see the pattern when he runs into Ten half an hour later. This is largely because Ten makes little to no effort at hiding it.
“Hey Doyoung! Yuta disappeared after I agreed to grab us food from the snack table. Give him this for me.” He dumps two plates of tiny sandwiches and pastries into Doyoung’s hands. He’s gone before Doyoung can say, seriously?
Where’s the fruit? Is Ten planning to deprive their mutual friend of vitamin C?
Doyoung sighs and goes on a detour for healthy refreshment options.
And then, because the world is cruel, he runs into Kun at the refreshment table. Kun eyes his two plates pointedly, which is rich coming from a man holding two plates himself, presumably one for Ten and one for himself.
“I’d give you a high-five of solidarity if I had a free hand for it,” Kun tells him.
Doyoung stares at him. “Why?”
“We could start a support group,” Kun continues, heaping a small mountain of baklava onto one plate. “For men whipped past the point of no return.”
“You just made that sound way worse than it actually is.”
Kun just claps him on the shoulder, says “say hi to Yuta for me”, and walks away. Doyoung is left standing there with his two plates and one new question: why did Ten give him two plates? To make him look extra whipped? Doyoung wouldn’t overfeed Yuta outside of regular meal times like that.
Maybe some of the food is for Doyoung himself, he thinks. Maybe Ten cares about him and wants him fed.
Doyoung considers this novel idea for a moment. Could it be? Then he shakes his head.
Nah, that’s just not possible.
This is all Yuta’s fault. Doyoung wouldn’t be in any of this mess if Yuta had just left him to die their first year.
By the time he finds Yuta, Doyoung is carrying two plates, one free t-shirt, four handouts from talks he’d found interesting, every single handout left in the room after Jeno finished his presentation, and one handout from someone’s surprisingly nuanced breakdown of misogyny in Naruto.
Don’t ask.
God, what has Doyoung come to. Such whipped behavior, and for a man. For some guy.
Doyoung almost crashes into someone coming out of the room he’s entering. He can feel the judgment practically wafting off of them, but that’s fine. He has more important things on his mind, like making sure the food survived the near-collision.
Doyoung wishes he could scowl at them for their judgment, but ultimately, Doyoung’s own choices brought him to this point. He has no one to blame but himself. He’s the fool here.
In the distance, Yuta knocks over an entire row of posterboards in his rush to praise Shotaro’s project about sea otters.
Doyoung rescinds his prior statement.
Doyoung watches Yuta hug Shotaro and literally shake him back and forth, and smiles in spite of himself. God, it really is this dork for him, huh. He’s doomed.
Once Yuta spots Doyoung (and receives the fruit, and the surprisingly nuanced breakdown of misogyny in Naruto), he practically tackles Doyoung into a hug too. Doyoung barely scrapes his brain together to hug back. This is nice. Warm, safe. Definitely a major upgrade from Yuta wrapping him into a human burrito.
Doyoung’s mind kicks back into overdrive after Yuta lets him go.
Forget being in crisis mode. If Doyoung manages to win Yuta over and maybe even date him, he could exercise hugging privileges all the time. He could hold his hand sometimes. He could steal a kiss for luck before each new challenge. Just imagine the possibilities.
Doyoung shivers all over, but he’s not panicked anymore. He’s excited.
It’s time for a new battle plan.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Doyoung?”
Doyoung ignores the question. His ceaseless preparations speak for themselves.
Taeyong huffs. “Alright, well, you better go through with this, or else.”
“Or else what?”
“Or else I’ll tell Johnny you used me for target practice,” Taeyong tells him in a tone more menacing than it deserves.
Doyoung isn’t really that scared of Johnny, but if Johnny finds out, he’ll definitely throw Doyoung over one shoulder and run around yelling with him just to prove a point, and that’s just not worth the spectacle.
Good thing Doyoung has a spectacle of his own planned.
He cocks his gun at Taeyong and gives him a grimace. Well, here goes nothing…
Doyoung arrives early only to find that Yuta’s there already, because of course he is, the bastard. Can’t even give Doyoung the time to compose himself now, at the moment of truth, can he?
Doyoung ignores the fact that there’s no way Yuta knew Doyoung had anything to psych himself up for.
The opening ceremony for this year’s Clash hasn’t even formally started yet, but Yuta’s already surrounded by volunteers. He’ll be preparing to delegate out the tasks that Doyoung so lovingly laid out in a massive spreadsheet. He has the team armbands on his own arms, ready for distribution, one arm covered in yellow up to the shoulder, and the other in red. He looks ridiculous. Doyoung loves him.
“Hands where I can see them, Nakamoto!” When Yuta turns around, confused, Doyoung shoots him in the chest.
Or he would, if it didn’t get jammed in the barrel.
Suddenly Doyoung can’t hear anything over the blood rushing in his ears. Shit. Fuck. What was the point of all that rehearsal if it’s going to fail him now? He turns his back so he can jam his fingers into the barrel and try to wiggle it out.
“God, Doyoung. Only you would do this,” he hears Taeyong sigh.
“Shut up!”
A hand appears on the barrel, trying to pull it away. Doyoung doesn’t notice for the first couple of seconds – he’s kind of busy here – but the hand looks familiar. He glances up and follows an intensely yellow arm up to see Yuta’s face.
“Give it here,” says the unwelcome specter. “I can help.”
Doyoung jerks back. “No! You’re not allowed to help!”
Yuta just sighs. “You’re going to have to learn to accept help sometime, Doyo.” Which is, well, rude, but what’s even ruder is the fact that Yuta just fishes the jammed bullet out in a manner of seconds. Only it isn’t a bullet; in fact, Yuta unrolls it to find that it’s a tight wad of notebook paper, featuring a couple of lines in Doyoung’s sharp handwriting.
Doyoung shouts.
Maybe in a kinder world, Yuta would have the time to read it then, and he would find that it says: Will you go out with me? Check yes/no.
(Doyoung is no master of romance, but he can manage to be cheesy, just to get the job done. The fun part comes afterward anyway.)
And maybe in a kinder world, Yuta could take a moment to savor the surprise. His mouth would fall open without a sound. Doyoung would be smug to leave him speechless for once. Yuta could take Doyoung by the hand, and explain that he was just waiting for Doyoung to catch up. He started envisioning a future with Doyoung ages ago.
As if Doyoung would ever come in second to him on something. Nice try, bucko.
(But maybe Doyoung would accept his defeat with grace, if it came with a boyfriend.)
And then Yuta would try to sweep him off his feet, and fail, because Doyoung is a man who can stand on his own two legs. As consolation, Doyoung would consent to a single kiss on the cheek. Their friends would explode into cheers. Yuta would beam at them all, steal a megaphone, and start announcing their relationship to the entire west side of campus.
But for now he has to run. Doyoung is going to pummel him for ruining his confession.
(Yuta checks yes.)