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Eliot could feel his heart rate picked up when he stopped in front of his childhood home. For a moment he could imagen how his life could have gone a different way.
Maybe he and his father would still have a relationship today, maybe he would have been able to see the world even if he had taken over the hardware store he would have been able to make it a little bit bigger
than it was now.
His hand hovered over the door. For a moment he could see his father forgiving him for leaving, just breaking away from home. He knows that the old man had tried a few times to reach out to him, but he never really answered back.
Maybe this would be a chance at reconciliation, but he had a feeling that the only good thing out of this would be a fight, and for that, he had no energy.
Eliot almost jumped when the door suddenly opened. His dad had aged in the last few years. A lot more than he had thought. And for a moment Eliot wanted to give into instinct and just turn around and leave.
But something kept him rooted to the spot, the way his father eyes, so similar to his own, started to tear up. He could clearly see the disbelieve in his face.
For a moment neither man moved unsure of what to do, when Eliot suddenly found him in an embrace, for a moment he could feel his body tense up. The coil of tension from beginning hold in place.
“I thought you had died.” His voice was croaked. Eliot could read the sadness in his face, he could see the damaged he had done with this.
“I’m sorry.” Eliot’s voice was rough. He hadn’t expected his father to be this open to his son, that he hadn’t seen over two decades.
For a moment there was silence again.
“Come in.” He pulled the door inward, giving Eliot space to enter the house. The silence in the house was slightly daunting. So different from when he was in school.
His mother would always make sure there was a cookie ready for him when he got home. Everything looks the same it dit all those years ago. But something was missing from here.
Eliot could feel shame and guilt burning his insides. He shouldn’t have let it get this far. He knows he never had a good relationship with his father and mother, but they did there best for him.
The silence was oppressing as the father made tea for them. Eliot could feel his nerves building slightly. This wasn’t like any job, this mattered for him.
When they finally sat down, Eliot was unsure of where to start.
“I assumed you have heard of your mother's death?” His voice clearly showed the pain he was feeling.
Eliot could feel his heart stutter almost to a hold. “No, I didn’t. What happened?” His voice was soft. He always knew that there would have been a possibility for them to die before he had a chance to reach out to them.
“Drunk driver, she had missed the red light, slamming right into your mom’s car. Paramedics declared her dead on the scene.” There was a harshness to his voice. He had tried to reach out to Eliot to let him know his mom is dead.
Only to be told by the Army that his son was discharged, they didn’t provide a reason or a possible lead to where he might have gone.
“I had search for you, for years. When your mother died and the army told me, you were discharged, but they didn’t say where you went, I started to assume you had died.” There was anger in his voice.
Eliot was silent just allowing his father a chance to get everything out of his system. He knows what he did wasn’t the best. He went no contact with his family for no reason.
“What did we do wrong?” The question had always bothered him. What did they do that was so bad that their son wanted nothing to do with them?
Eliot was silent for a few seconds, his one hand a fist around the other. He could remember what had to lead up to him just disappearing from there lives.
“Nothing I am going to say is going to make this better, you know this as well as I.” He fell silent again.
“I wanted to explore the world and I did in the end. Made a lot of bad decisions I am sure you would hate me for. And some days I wish I had stayed and worked in the hardware store. Maybe I would have settled down and had the 2.5 children with a wife.
“But that was never me. I always had an urge to protected and at a stage, I just wanted to protect everyone. And I am sorry that I had disappeared. That was wrong for me to do.” Eliot fell silent again.
He knows if his father hadn’t opened the door when he did, he would have left. And maybe it would have been for the better? But just maybe his father would give him a chance to rebuild a relationship with him.
“I could never hate you, no matter what choices you had made. You could have killed for all I care and I would still love you. You are my son. I just wanted you happy Eliot.” The old man’s eyes held a deep longing to be at peace.
Eliot could feel himself froze up. He looked up at his father, his eyes unreadable. He would never be able to admit it to him, how many people he had killed, innocent children who had lost there lives at his hand.
Something in Eliot’s eyes made him look closely at his son.
“What happened after you had left the Army?” He had a feeling this was a loaded question.
“You don’t want to know. Believe me.” Eliot forced himself to stand up. It would be better if he just leaves, his father doesn’t need to be dragged into this.
Without saying goodbye Eliot moved to the front door. The old man pushed himself up, almost rushing after his son.
“Eliot just knows, when you are ready I would be waiting for you. I love you son.” The man watched silently as Eliot walked outside the house.
Hopefully one day soon he would be back, and they would be able to reconcile properly.