Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sun was streaming through the trees, brightening up Castiel’s cabin and filling the entire area with that kind of weightless light which only ever seemed to come when the sun was low in the sky, only happening in the summer early in the morning, or late at night. The patches of sky Castiel could see between the trees were cloudless and that perfect shade of light blue which barely felt real, like a three year old painted it, rather than it being the real sky.  It was what most people would count as a perfect day. 

Castiel on the other hand, was only out of bed and seeing that day, for one reason.

That reason was currently driving up his driveway, her ugly yellow Gremlin reflecting the sun and blinding Castiel as he stood on his front porch with a mug of black coffee, waiting for her. He had a frown on his face, not sure whether he was more annoyed at being awake at this time of morning, or if he was annoyed about being awake full stop, but he needed the supplies and Charlie had a job to get to, so for her to complete the forty minute drive, help him unpack everything, and then get back in time to start work, she needed to come early.

Charlie was Castiel’s best friend. Actually, she was pretty much his only friend by now, but that was a separate issue. They had been friends for years, since when they were just little kids who lived in the local town and only ever took the drive to the forest to have picnics. Back when Castiel was learning basic magic and Charlie was learning to shift and they used to discuss what kind of person they were going to be bonded to in the future.

They don’t talk about that now, not since Castiel had moved out to the forest, living the recluse life with only Charlie for company when she brought him supplies. 

It was best like this. It was best he was alone.

“Morning Castiel!” Charlie called with a grin as she leaped out of her car, practically throwing herself into Castiel’s arms to give him a hug, nearly sending his coffee flying. It was only the fact he’d been expecting the hug which saved his drink. Castiel grumbled - like he always did - but begrudgingly hugged the smaller familiar back.

“Hello Charlie,” he replied, his throat sore from disuse. He took a sip of his coffee, hoping to soothe it, but no one’s ever raved about coffee for it’s healing benefits, so predictably it did very little. When was the last time he spoke? Probably last time Charlie had come to visit him. She always wanted to come more, but Castiel refused. She had her own life to live, and Castiel had his life to sleepwalk through. It would be stupid for Charlie to waste her life trying to help Castiel with his meaningless one. When Cas had first moved into his cabin, before he got used to the quiet, he had talked to everything. He talked to himself, the plants, the insects and the animals. Now he was used to it so he hardly talked at all, allowing the silence to fill the empty corners of his cabin and barely even noticing how quiet things got at night when all the animals went to sleep.

Barely.

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t lonely, or if he didn’t admit that sometimes he wished to hear voices other than Charlie’s, or recorded people from the internet. Even then he didn’t watch videos very often, the Wi-Fi in the forest wasn’t bad, Castiel just couldn’t find the energy within himself to look. To see what the outside world was like, away from the safety of his cabin. The laptop Charlie had brought him one day was to help them keep in touch, and nine times out of ten it wasn’t for anything more. It was only on his weakest days that he used his laptop for anything else, normally he just read to pass the time. However when he did use the laptop, he was actually able to. Castiel wouldn’t say he was a computer genius, but he could find his way around it and knew more than you’d expect from someone who lived in the middle of a forest. 

But he was alone for a reason, and not even a tiny bit of loneliness was going to change that.

“How’re you doing today?” Charlie asked with a wide smile which was only slightly strained. Castiel knew that she struggled, it hurt her to see how Castiel lived, she just wanted the best for him and refused to believe him when he said that this was what was best for him.

“I’m doing okay,” Castiel answered, at least partially truthfully. There was a hollow silence hanging between them, Charlie clearly wanted Castiel to elaborate, but Castiel was not going to say anything more. The more detail he gave, the more holes Charlie would pick in it and say he was lying.

And maybe he was, but that wasn’t the point and Castiel was not going to admit that.

“Hmm,” Charlie hummed after an uncomfortable minute, sounding highly disbelieving. She didn’t ask him again, like some people might have, instead she just gestured to Castiel’s face, probably his eyes if Castiel had to give an exact location. “Nightmares?”

Castiel sighed loudly. He didn’t even know why he ever thought he could pretend to be 100% fine with Charlie. Even if she never found the whole truth, she always picked up on the little details. That was probably why she was such a good computer programmer, but it didn’t exactly help Castiel’s situation.

“A few,” he muttered, trying to play it off as not a big thing. He didn’t say any more, if Charlie wanted details she could drag them out of him, he wasn’t going to say any more by choice.

“Castiel!” Charlie complained, standing right in front of him as though she thought she could intimidate him into realising this wasn’t okay. It wasn’t like he didn’t already realise that, he just didn’t care. “You’re still having nightmares? Regularly?”

Castiel shrugged awkwardly, a quiet “most nights,” slipping out before he could stop himself. Damn Charlie and her puppy dog eyes! Her other form wasn’t even a dog, and he was fairly sure foxes weren't known for their very innocent expressions, but that had never stopped her before and he doubted it would any time in the future.

“Castiel! You need help! Locking yourself away will not make this better! You need to talk to someone, by this point it could be anyone, you just need to talk!” She practically shouted at him, clearly more worried about his mental state than he was. In his opinion it didn’t matter what happened to him, but Charlie more than disagreed with that.

“Look, I’m fine,” Castiel sighed, “Can you please just help me with those supplies.” He gestured to Charlie’s car, reminding her why she was even here and hopefully changing the subject onto a topic they don’t argue about basically every time Charlie came over.

“Yeah, alright, come on,” Charlie sighed, going to the car and grabbing a few bags to take inside. It took them a few minutes to get all the bags inside the cabin and Castiel was overjoyed to see more coffee grounds within one of the bags he was carrying in. He’d been running out and wasn’t sure how he would have survived without it.

“Alright, I’ll help unpack,” Charlie announced with a crack of her knuckles. She’d done this enough times, and Castiel had never rearranged stuff, so she knew where everything went and with her help Cas had everything put away twice as quickly as he would have without her. Maybe even quicker than that, as her energy levels were a lot higher than Castiel’s.

By the time they finished the kitchen was clear and everything was in its place, even some potion ingredients which Castiel had seen Charlie sneak into the old spell cabinet, even though Castiel knew - and had told her a million times - that he would never use them. She was convinced that even though his magic was bound, he could still do spell work as long as he stuck to potions. Castiel had grown bored of trying to explain that he didn’t want to make potions, her innocent ‘just in case’ able to ruin any arguments he had. Just in case. Just in case of what? What could possibly happen that would require him to need to use magic, instead of just doing things the human way?

“Thanks for the help Charlie,” Castiel said honestly as he folded the last shopping bag, piling them on the table for Charlie to take back home with her, it wasn’t like he had any use for shopping bags, even if they were bags for life. The silence of the kitchen told him that he was alone and Castiel couldn’t help but wonder how he hadn’t heard her leave. Either she was extremely sneaky or Castiel needed to stop zoning out. With an annoyed sigh Castiel spun on his heels, walking through his cabin slowly, looking for his friend.

He found her in his living room, staring sadly at her surroundings. Castiel didn’t know why, it wasn’t like the room was that bad, in fact Castiel thought it was the coziest room in his entire cabin, but either Charlie didn’t agree or something else was upsetting her.

“What’s up?” he asked softly, walking forwards to stand next to her. She was shifting from one foot to the other, like she knew what she was about to say was going to annoy him, but she was going to say it anyway. Castiel could tell that her ears would be twitching if she was in her animal form, her tail probably swishing from side to side in agitation as well.

“You need to get out of here,” she said, turning to face Castiel, certainty filling her eyes, “You don’t have to move out, just come into town from time to time, get a job,” Castiel opened his mouth to speak, but Charlie held up her hand to stop him, “yes I know your parents trust fund keeps you financially stable, but you need a job for the social part. You need to talk to people, you need friends.”

Castiel waited a moment, making sure Charlie was finished before he started talking, “What brought this on?” Every single point Charlie had made today, had been made a million times in the past - except for the job one, that one was new - so Castiel didn’t bother replying to those points. He would just be saying what he’d said every other time and no one likes repeating themselves that many times. Well, that had never stopped Charlie, but Charlie was different. She cared enough about Castiel to spout the same stuff a million times.

“Your cabin,” Charlie said helplessly, raising her arms to gesture to the room around them, “nothing has changed since I was last here, everything is in the exact same place, everything is the same as before.”

Castiel looks around the room, clearly not seeing the same thing as Charlie was, because he couldn’t see any problems. “So? I haven’t redecorated, that’s not a big thing.”

“Nothing has changed, you are just doing the same things over and over,” Charlie growls, her fox voice bleeding into her human one due to her high emotions, “This is no way to live! You’re my best friend! I can’t just sit back and let you live like this. You’re twenty five years old! You should be out there enjoying life, not stuck in a cabin which looks exactly the way it did when you first moved in.” There were actual tears spilling from her eyes and Castiel could feel his heart give a painful squeeze. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Charlie, he never wanted to hurt Charlie, he just needed to be alone.

“I can’t,” Castiel murmured, his voice breaking slightly. If he stayed he hurt Charlie, yet he couldn’t go either. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, no way to turn, no direction to go. “I- I can’t go.”

Charlie nodded, like she had expected that answer but it hurt anyway. “It’s okay Castiel, I understand,” she said, wiping her tears even as her voice trembled, “I’ll be back soon, text me if you need anything.”

Castiel watched helplessly as Charlie walked back to the kitchen, grabbing her bags before leaving his cabin. She climbed back into her car, waving out the window once before she started her engine and disappeared down the drive. 

He had to stay, it wasn’t a choice, it wasn’t something he could change.

His heart hurt as he turned back to his cabin, walking to his room and climbing into his bed fully clothed, too drained to undress even slightly. His eyes stung with unshed tears and the pain in his chest from the binding flared up once more, his magic reacting to the ruins trapping it inside and stopping him from using it.

He didn’t know how much longer he could do this, how much longer he could survive on his own, isolated in the forest with the weight of his memories crushing him and the burning of his magic threatening to burn him alive.

He didn’t know how much longer he could do this, yet the only reaction he had to that realisation was a soft smile. It was good, he didn’t deserve much longer. He didn’t deserve to be happy.

Chapter Text

Castiel woke up an unmeasurable time later. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, but judging from the light levels in his room, it had been hours.

Actually, it had probably been quite a few hours.

If he was right, and what he was seeing through his window really was the colour of the sky, and it wasn't just an illusion, then it was evening, sunset, and seeing as it was summer that meant it was even later than sunset normally suggested. He had slept through the entire day without even noticing it. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do, but it still shocked him just a little.

It wasn't odd for Castiel, falling asleep randomly and sleeping for hours, but it had never been this bad, he had never slept for this long after sleeping the night before. The longer he went on as he was at the moment, with his magic bound, in the forest as far away from other people as he could get, the worse he got. He was sleeping for hours at a time during the day, even when he got a full night's sleep. His appetite was gradually diminishing and his strength was definitely fading.

He was withering away, a little more gone each day, and he couldn't find it within himself to care.

He didn’t exactly have a reason to live, nor anyone who would miss him if he was gone. Sure, Charlie might be a bit sad, but it would just be one less responsibility for her, and in the long run  she would probably be glad. Sure, she cared about him, but it was mainly left-over fondness from their childhood together and it wasn’t like Castiel improved her life at all. In fact, he probably just made it worse. That was normally what he did.

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked around his room in consideration. Something had woken him up, he was certain that he hadn't just woken naturally like he normally did, he just couldn't figure out what it could have been. Everything was where it was meant to be, he had no commitments outside of Charlie, and she had literally just been there. There was no reason for the ball of anxiety curled up in his chest, and yet it was there, like there was something he wasn’t noticing and that was what had woken him up.

Quiet breathing from the shadows.

Too much light for the time of day.

Too quiet roads.

Two sets of footsteps when you are walking alone through a forest.

Squeaky floorboards in old houses after dark.

The little things, the ones you assume you are imagining.

Castiel chuckled quietly to himself as he lay back down, the sound was hollow and broken, but it was the closest he had managed to a laugh for a long time. He needed to read less horror books, maybe then he wouldn’t be imagining things whenever he randomly woke up.

His room was the perfect temperature, the light levels weren’t too high, even with the curtains open, he had slept in brighter rooms than this many times, and his bed was surprisingly comfy for a cabin in the middle of the woods, but even then, it took him a while to fall asleep, the nagging feeling that something was wrong refusing to go away, no matter how much he ignored it.

Everything was okay, nothing was wrong, nothing had changed. He was just imagining things, just needed some sleep and maybe some water when he next woke, and then he would be fine. This weird feeling would be just something that happened once, forgotten in time just like he would be.

When Castiel next woke, it was completely and utterly dark, definitely night this time, he could even see a few stars twinkling on the other side of the window. Once again he didn’t know what woke him, but had the same feeling of anxiety. Like after all this time, something had changed, and he just wasn’t picking up on it.

His sternum hurt, but that was pretty run of the mill nowadays. He only had to get near something magical and his magic would react. Or more, it would try to react. The binding stopped it, so the energy turned to pain. It normally wasn’t bad, just a kind of dull ache like someone pressing on an old bruise. It hurt, but distantly, and by now Castiel was pretty much used to it. It happened whenever Charlie came round,  and seeing as he still had a few magical items around to make life easier, it happened a lot while he was going through his routine. Plus there was the time back before he moved to the cabin, shortly after his magic had first been bound, when it used to happen constantly, it was what happened when you lived in a community which had such a large concentration of magic users. Now he had moved it didn’t happen so much, but that didn’t mean that he had lost the ability to ignore it.

He deserved the pain anyway. No. He deserved pain a million times worse than that, but it was a start, if nothing else.

Castiel blinked up at the ceiling in confusion, as though it would have any answers for him. Why was his sternum hurting? He’d shaken it off at first, it wasn’t exactly the most exciting thing to ever happen to him, nor the most original way to wake up - especially when he accidentally overslept on days Charlie was coming round - but Charlie definitely wasn’t here, and he kept all his magical items well away from his room for this exact reason.

So what woke him up?

What set his magic off? 

Suddenly wide awake Castiel bolted upright, and grabbed the gun he kept in his bedside cabinet. He might not have any magic to protect himself with, but even magical creatures have problems with guns. He may have never had to use it, and he wasn't sure he would be able to use it if push came to shove, but it was strangely comforting to have it. Just in case. He wasn’t helpless, no matter what his magic was trying to react to. No matter what was there. He would be okay.

With one last deep, steadying breath, Castiel started creeping out his room. He couldn’t exactly use his magic to help him find the source of his unease, not in the usual way anyway, but the ache would get bigger the closer he got to the magic. A weird game of hot and cold. That was going to be how he found whatever had invaded his property.

If he cared enough, Castiel would have found it hilarious, or possibly depressing. As it was he really didn’t care. It was a thing that was going to happen, that was how it was.

He walked slowly, his footsteps as quiet as he could get them as he checked his cabin room by room. He was almost surprised by the time he arrived at his old workroom to find no one there. He'd expected to find someone had broken in, trying to steal something or maybe swipe some spell ingredients from his spell cabinet, but there was nothing, no one.

So what was setting off his magic?

He could still feel it, slightly duller than back in his room, but still there. There was something magical on his property, if they weren’t in his cabin then they must be in his garden. Why they were there Castiel had no idea, but if they were a threat then he needed to protect himself, and if they weren’t then he needed to move them along quickly before something bad happened.

He searched carefully, walking from one side of his vegetable garden to the other, the ache in his chest getting slightly stronger as he walked. He was paying attention to the slight changes in the ache of his chest in the hope he’d be able to pinpoint the exact location and figure whatever he was sensing. It was putting him on edge, the presence of a magic that he wasn’t used to, especially when he was pretty much helpless and when he couldn’t even tell what he was feeling, the binding on his magic good enough to stop it from going forth and finding out. 

He had just passed his cabbages when he saw it, a dark figure laying in the soil. It was still, but large and Castiel doubted he would have seen it if he hadn’t been carefully looking for things which didn’t belong. Castiel couldn’t tell if it was what was causing his magic to react this way, but it still wasn’t supposed to be in his garden and it was still suspicious. He shifted into a defensive pose, his gun drawn and ready as he started walking forwards, his eyes locked on the silhouette in front of him, trying to figure out what it was so he was more prepared.

As he got closer, his view of the figure cleared and he froze, his mouth dropping open and his eyes widening. He blinked a couple of times to try and make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Shock rushed through him as he dropped the gun and darted forwards.

A wolf was lying collapsed in his garden, clearly injured, but Castiel wouldn't be able to tell how badly until he got them into some light and gave them a proper check up. Castiel did live in a forest, but the resident wolf pack normally stayed away, so for this wolf to be here, alone, was definitely not right. His mind was at war, half of it reminding him that he still needed to find the magical intruder, while the other part reminded him that this was an innocent wolf, it wasn’t right to leave them to hurt just because his magic said there was something nearby, even though Castiel was yet to find any evidence of such. The latter part won out and Castiel quickly started ignoring his magic, putting all of his focus on the prone figure in front of him. He could ignore the slight ache easily, this wolf however didn’t seem to be so lucky.

They were conscious, Castiel realised as he raised a hand to touch the animal, the wolf’s eyes snapping towards him as soon as he moved. They were conscious and hurt and had so much trust in their eyes as they looked over at Castiel, not shying away from his hand in the slightest, just watching. They trusted Castiel, trusted him not to hurt them, even as they closed their eyes, unable to see what Castiel was going to do.

The wolf sighed once, so many meanings in that one sound, before their head dropped and their limbs went limp. Clearly the pain had become too much, and Castiel needed to help them quickly if he wanted them to wake back up.

He bent down and carefully scooped the wolf into his arms, making sure not to jostle them too much or make their pain worse. Even if they were unconscious, Castiel wanted to reduce their pain, not increase it.

There was something off, something not completely right, but Castiel couldn’t figure out what it was. He was sure he would be able to, if all of his attention wasn’t focused on the wolf, but he had priorities and hurt animals would always be at the top.

Despite trying to be quiet, he knew that wolves have sensitive hearing and he didn’t want to disturb the wolf in his arms, he was unable to hold in the gasp which escaped him as soon as he walked into the light. 

He hadn’t realised how badly the poor animal had been injured, but now he could see it all laid out in front of him, he felt like he needed to either cry, puke, or both. The wolf’s fur was matted with blood, the fur colour underneath it hidden by all the red, and cuts of all sizes covering their body - the deepest on their stomach bleeding steadily and dripping blood onto Castiel’s floor - and the pads of their paws so ripped up that Castiel was not at all surprised that they collapsed in his garden. They even seem to have some burn marks on their hip, but the marks seem old and mainly healed, so Castiel knew they were the least of his worries.

He walked slowly and gently lay the wolf down in front of the fire, not close enough to risk the wolf’s coat catching alight from the sparks, or for the heat to get too much, but enough to warm the cold creature and hopefully relax them while Castiel gathered up some supplies.

Chapter Text

Castiel stood still for a minute, watching the wolf to make sure that they weren’t about to disappear or catch on fire, or wherever weird and varyingly likely scenarios his mind could come up with, before walking to his kitchen. He grabbed a bowl and filled it with warm, clean, water, grabbing a bundle of clean towels on the way back. The wolf was covered in dirt and blood, and Castiel wouldn’t be able to even think about helping them until he could see what he was dealing with. He hoped this was one of those situations where it looked worse than it was and when he looked it would turn out they were actually fine, just tired, but he had the sinking feeling that it wouldn’t be.

The sinking feeling that this was one of those situations where it looked bad, and it was bad.

Or even worse. One of those situations where it looked bad, but was actually so much worse.

He shook his head quickly. He didn't have time to be speculating or thinking about the what ifs. He couldn't help the wolf - or find any answers - by wondering. He just needed to breath deeply, calm down, and go and see how bad it was. That was all. Once he knew how it was, then he could figure out how to help the wolf, and there was no point worrying until then.

By the time he returned from the kitchen, the wolf still hadn’t moved or woken up and Castiel couldn't tell if he was glad about that - he didn't want the wolf to be in more pain than they had to be in - or even more worried than before, but he was definitely leaning towards the more worried option. What if he was too late? What if by ignoring the feeling that something was wrong for so long, he lost the time he needed to save the wolf?

He shook his head again, harder, a slight ache appearing behind his eyes from how quickly he moved his head. The wolf wasn't gone yet, their chest was still raising and falling - albeit with laboured breaths - and they were still there. They hadn’t disappeared and they hadn’t died while Castiel had been in a different room, so he counted that as a win.

Murmuring softly under his breath, Castiel knelt down next to the wolf and dipped one of the towels into the water. He waited until it was soaked before he wrung it out and used it to start cleaning the wolf’s fur.

Within moments the towel was stained brown and red, the blood and mud which had been covering the wolf’s fur covering the previously white towel, and Castiel was thankful he had thought to bring more than one towel. He could already tell that to clean the wolf enough to even see what he was doing would take more than one.

As more of the dirt was washed off, Castiel was finally able to see what the wolf actually looked like. They had grey fur, darker at the tips but snow white near the skin, with darker patches on their forehead and back. They looked like most other grey wolves, except for the slight honey hue of their fur, and their strikingly green eyes. Castiel was fairly sure wolves didn’t have green eyes, but this one did so maybe some did? He’d have to ask Charlie when he next saw her.

The wolf was larger than most of the grey wolves Castiel had seen before, but Castiel didn’t normally pay much attention to the size of wolves, so that wasn’t exactly shocking. They looked fairly young, still an adult but probably hadn’t been one for long, and Castiel was fairly sure that something bad had happened to them. Beside the obvious being covered in blood thing, their paws were basically shredded - like they had been running for a long time - and the longer Castiel looked at them, the more certain he was that they weren’t from the woods. He would have heard something if there was a fight big enough to cause these injuries, and the wolf’s paws wouldn’t have been this shredded by running across the forest.

Clearly they were from further out, but Castiel couldn’t think of many other wolf packs nearby, which meant this wolf must have been running a worryingly large distance before they collapsed in Castiel’s garden.

Castiel felt tears start slipping down his face the more he wiped off the wolf’s fur. It was too much blood. They might have stayed alive so far, but their breathing was laboured and they had been passed out for at least half an hour by now. Their wounds had stopped bleeding and Castiel could tell they wouldn’t make it to morning. He doubted they would even make it to the next hour.

They would never see the sun again.

They would never run through the woods ever again.

They would never howl or see their family or breathe in the fresh air ever again.

They weren’t old, they had so much life ahead of them, but now, because of some unknown event, all the life that was left for them was lying in front of Castiel’s fire while he murmured useless words in their ears.

Useless.

He was useless.

He had no magic to heal them, and no other skills to help them beat this.

The wolf had looked right into his eyes, intelligence and pain and knowing and feelings and trust had filled those eyes. The last thing the wolf had seen was Castiel before they had drifted off, putting their faith into Castiel that they would ever open their eyes again.

But now?

Now they would never see anything again.

Now the last thing they would ever see would be the face of the person who had failed them.

Castiel didn’t even know why this was hitting him so hard, death was a normal part of life. Plants died every day, he saw them as he walked through the forest. Dead animal carcasses were not a new sight and he killed insects regularly. This wolf had probably killed many animals in their life, and what goes around comes around and all that.

It was just… This wolf… They were different.

They had a look in their eyes, and Castiel couldn’t ignore it.

They had a life which plants never managed. An intelligence smaller animals never managed. A sense of feeling which insects never gave off.

The wolf had looked at him with trust in their eyes. Even just the thought of betraying that trust physically hurt him.

But, human medicine wouldn’t heal them. There was no non magical way to heal the wolf from injuries like this. Castiel only had basic supplies anyway, and the wolf would definitely not survive the trip to the nearest vets.

Castiel couldn’t let them die, but he didn’t have any way to save them either.

He gently reached out his hands, spreading the fur on their front so he could get a closer look at the wound, as though knowing exactly why the wolf was dying would help him stop it. He knew this wouldn’t change anything, whether he knew exactly what was wrong or not, the wolf would continue getting worse. It didn’t matter if it was infected or not while the wolf’s breathing continued getting worse. It didn’t matter how deep it was when it was barely even bleeding anymore, the blood loss was so bad.

That didn’t stop him.

He still peered closely, paying attention to how deep it was, how much healing it would need to close. He frowned at the yellowness of the flesh, a sure-fire way to tell it was infected, and then frowned even deeper when he saw the deathly paleness of the wolf’s skin. They were still around. But not for much longer.

The wound was clearly from a claw of some kind, some bigger animal than a wolf, maybe a bear? It wasn’t like it mattered, Castiel would never figure out.

But maybe… He had no magic of his own, but he did have magic in the house…

With a sudden rush of hope Castiel threw himself to his feet, barrelling down the hallway and to his old workroom. He’d still had his magic bound when he first moved here, just 18 years old but desperate to get away from other people, but he’d been paranoid so had built a cabin with a workroom so he could boil potions, the kind which needed magic to activate them, but a lot less magic than normal spells needed. Obviously he hadn’t actually gotten around to brewing any potions, his guilt returning the second he even saw the ingredients he would need, but he still knew the practice, had the equipment, and he knew that Charlie had been keeping all his supply cabinets stocked, like having the ingredients nearby would tempt him into using them.

It never had, but right now he had never been more thankful for Charlie’s scheming.

He grabbed a bowl and filled it with water, thanking the universe that the healing spell he knew wasn’t overly complicated. He already had everything he needed, and now he just had to hope that his magic binding was loose enough that he could summon enough magic to complete this. It would be difficult, and also agony, and he was seriously wondering why he was so certain the wolf was worth all this, but he knew it was and knew that he would go through anything to heal the wolf, so honestly physical agony probably was one of his better options.

With a decisive nod he gathered all the ingredients he would need and hurried back to the living room, a tsunami of relief washing through him when he saw the wolf was still there, still breathing, still hanging onto life like it knew that as soon as it let go it would be gone forever.

“It’s okay,” he whispered into the empty air as he ground up some leaves and mixed some rainwater and a powdered snake venom, along with a few other ingredients. He almost missed the good old days when ingredients were only needed for the strongest spells, and even healing a wound like the wolf’s only needed a wave of his hand and a chant. “It’ll be okay. Just hang in there, just a little longer. Just hang on for me.”

He didn’t think the wolf could actually hear him, but talking to them made him feel better, like maybe he could convince them to stay for long enough for him to save them.

Castiel stroked the wolf’s ears, mixing the last of the lumps out of the now green paste with his right hand while he petted the wolf with his left, empty words spilling out of his lips the entire time. He just needed time, he could do this, he could heal the wolf.

He poured the green paste into the wound, pressing his hand over it as he took a deep breath. He would prefer to heal all of the wolf’s wounds, but he needed to save him first and he wouldn’t be able to beat the binding for long enough to heal the rest of them.

One last deep breath and then he began to chant, the same two lines over and over while he pressed harshly down on the wound, his face screwed up in concentration as he pushed past the binding for just a tiny spark of magic, just a tiny bit to ignite the potion and allow it to heal. Just a tiny spark for the wolf’s entire life.

A scream ripping it’s way past his tightly clenched jaw as the binding fought back, his entire body a mess of burning and freezing, pins and needles in every square inch of his body while a million sharp teeth devoured every part of his body.

Still he didn’t give up. He thought of the life the wolf had in store for him, the days the wolf deserved to live, he thought of the wolf’s eyes, he thought of the trust in them and he pressed further, looking for one lifesaving spark. His eyes started glowing blue, the pain increasing, but he had what he needed. The potion was in force and he could pull back, breathing heavily as the fatigue hit him.

He didn’t pass out, though it was a close thing, and he pretty much sobbed in relief when he opened his eyes and saw the smooth, undisturbed skin on the wolf’s stomach. His chest ached, his magic in even worse shape than normal, but the wolf was going to be okay, and that was all that mattered.

The wolf would get the rest of his life.

Castiel didn’t fail him.

Chapter Text

Castiel wasn’t sure if he fell asleep, or if his brain just zoned out, but the next thing he knew twenty minute had passed and he was already feeling much better. He still ached, every muscle in his body staging a mutiny after what he put them through, but the wolf was still there, warm in front of the fire, it’s breaths even, so Castiel couldn’t find it within himself to care.

The wolf would need some rest, but then Castiel could release it into the wild, maybe ask Charlie to come over and use her familiar link to animals to introduce the wolf to the wolf pack in the forest. That would be nice, they wouldn’t have to be alone anymore.

Castiel would be happier knowing the wolf had a pack to look after them, especially after whatever they went through.

With a tired sigh, Castiel forced himself to his feet. Every movement hurt, but he needed to drink and eat something after using his magic, and he knew he should probably put something out for the wolf as well, just in case they woke up while Cas wasn’t around. He was definitely planning to get some food, and then collapse into his bed and not move for at least a week.

Well, he’d have to move before then, he did have a wild animal in his house after all, but he definitely wouldn’t wake up within the next twenty-four hours. Magic used to come so easily to him, but with it locked away, and after not doing anything for years, a spell like the one he just did was more than enough to drain ninety percent of his energy.

His eyes were drooping as he heated some leftover lasagne in the oven, drinking three glasses of water for himself and pouring some water in a bowl for the wolf while he waited for it to heat through. He grabbed another two bowls, one for his lasagne, and one for some raw mince for the wolf. He’d been planning to use it to make burgers tomorrow, but he could make burgers whenever and the wolf needed food now.

He ate his lasagne quickly, not even noticing as it burned his tongue, his mind set on finishing the food and getting to bed. He left the dish on the side for him to wash when he was feeling better, and left the wolf’s bowls near enough that they could reach them, but wouldn’t knock them over, and then finally, Castiel could go to bed.

The short walk to his room felt like miles when walked in such a tired state, his leg muscles threatening to give in every step he made, and he didn’t even bother getting undressed, just collapsed onto his bed - on top of the covers - and instantly fell asleep right where he had fallen.

By the time Castiel woke back up, he felt like he’d been born anew. His muscles didn’t ache anymore, just the odd twinge here and there, and for a moment he couldn’t even remember why he had felt so bad before he’d gone to sleep, he was just aware he felt fine now and he was hungry.

He was weighing the pros and cons of waffles Vs pancakes when his brain suddenly realised what he’d forgotten. He felt like a bit of an idiot, forgetting about the huge, carnivorous, beast in his house, but sue him, that spell really took everything out of him.

Leaping to his feet, Castiel quickly walked back down the corridor to the living room, thankful that he’d been too tired to get undressed as it meant he didn’t have to get dressed now. His head spun slightly and coloured confetti filled his vision from standing up too quickly, but he kept moving. He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep for, it could have been a few hours, it could have been a few days, so he wasn’t sure the wolf would even still be there, but on the off chance they were, Castiel had to check on them.

It clearly hadn’t actually been that long, because the wolf was still lying in front of the now dead fire. They didn’t seem to have moved, the two bowls still untouched and Castiel assumed he had only slept around twenty four hours like he had expected, maybe a bit more depending on what time it had been when he found the wolf and what time he went to sleep. He was pleased to see that they seemed to have healed nicely, a little rest definitely went a long way.

Except… Castiel froze, his eyes locked onto the wolf.

He had given them enough magic to start the potion, and there had only been enough potion for the one wound. Their bad one should be completely healed right now, as it was, but the scratches? Their ripped up paws? The small cuts on their muzzle? All of the smaller wounds which Castiel had left because they weren’t life threatening and would heal on their own in a couple of weeks? They shouldn’t have healed. They should have all still been there, probably starting to scab, but not completely healed. Rest went a long way, but not this far.

And yet they were.

Castiel was staring at smooth, unbroken paws. The fur was too thick to see through, but there was no new blood on it since Castiel last washed them, and all the cuts on their muzzle were gone.

There was no way that a normal wolf could have healed this much overnight, unless Castiel was wrong and it had actually been much longer, but this level of healing would have taken weeks and the wolf would be dead by now if they hadn’t drank for that long.

So they couldn’t be a normal wolf.

Castiel’s breathing started speeding up, his thoughts racing as he thought over all the implications, trying to find something - anything - to explain how this could have happened without his worst nightmares coming true.

Could it have been a visit from another witch who healed the wolf while they were there? No. Castiel’s magic would have woken him up by aching if someone magical had walked onto his property, especially if they had cast magic while there.

Ached… just like it had just before Castiel found the wolf. Just like it was now, and had been since before he cast the spell.

Well what if it was- Castiel stopped his thoughts. There was no point trying to find any stupid loopholes. He knew what was going on, he knew what the wolf was, even if he hated even thinking about it.

It was obvious now he thought about it. The intelligence in the wolf’s eyes, the trust, the need to save them that Castiel had felt. Even without accepting it, Castiel had known that the wolf wasn’t just a wolf. And no matter what he did, even with his magic bound, he was still a witch, and his witch side would never let him leave a familiar to die.

Not that he would ever want to. But at least it explained why even when he thought they were just a regular old wolf, something had forced him to keep trying, even going as far to wriggle past his binding to get some magic to save them.

Familiars magnified magic. That’s why they were now all healed. Even unconscious, the wolf must have taken the tiny spark of magic he supplied, and the magic the potion created, and multiplied it, turning the small spell enough to heal all of his injuries.

The wolf was a familiar.

Walking slowly, as though the wolf wasn’t just a familiar and could suddenly snap to consciousness and bite him, Castiel wanders over to stand next to the wolf. Reaching out a hand to lay it on their back. The only positive of this entire situation was that now Castiel knew they had a human level of reasoning, he could worry less about being attacked by a wild animal. Either way, he was still cautious when he gently felt the wolf’s magic, thankful that he was a witch and could do this magic or no magic, and tried to find out if they were a bonded familiar.

If they were then there was sure to be a witch following after them, trying to find their familiar and bring them back. Normally Castiel would be glad about that, getting the unknown familiar out of his house as soon as possible would be a priority, but the poor wolf was hurt and no responsable witch would let their familiar get hurt like that. Which would leave either abuse or an incompitent witch who neglected their familiar, which wouldn’t be that much better. Castiel definitely didn’t want an abusive witch on his property, and not one part of his being would let him return a familiar to an abusive situation of any kind.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he figured out they were unbonded. No witch would be following after them, no witch was this bad at looking after their familiar either. But then he remembered that that meant he had an unbonded familiar in his house, and he couldn’t exactly throw them out while they were unconscious either. Which would mean they had to stay for at least until they woke up and were alert.

And there was still the fact that this familiar was alone, highly injured and nearly died. Castiel didn’t know where they came from, but if there was any chance of them ending up in that situation again then he would have to stop them.

Which brought him full circle back to the fact there was an unbonded familiar unconscious in his house.

With a sigh that was equal parts frustration and panic, Castiel spun on his heel and started walking out the door. He could go on a walk, get some fresh air, figure out what to do, and probably also do all that he could to forget the fact he had accidentally brought a familiar into his house and then maybe he’d actually be able to get his mind around the fact the last two days had happened.

He only managed to get three steps before he froze, spinning back around. The fire  was dying, the wolf might get cold, and even if he didn’t, the floor probably wasn’t comfortable and even if a wolf wouldn’t care, a human would, and it really wasn’t a sign of good hospitality if the wolf woke up on the floor, and even if Castiel didn’t care about impressing them, there was no reason to be rude.

He carefully scooped the wolf into his arms, doing his best to ignore how soft their fur was now it was no longer matted with blood. The wolf didn’t wake up, so clearly they were still sleeping off the spells effects. The guest bedroom in Castiel’s cabin didn’t get used very often, or actually at all really. Charlie had stayed in there twice in the years Castiel had lived there, and he didn’t have any more guests.

Even with the large amount of disuse, the room was clean and the bed was neatly made. Castiel didn’t have a lot of stuff to do with his day, so full house cleaning happened about once a month at least.

He tucked the wolf in under the covers, lying them down the same way they had been asleep on the floor and pulling the duvet over their back up to their neck, making sure to close the curtains so the light wouldn’t disturb them too much and trying to do what he could to make the room look as unthreatening as he could.

The familiar was going to wake up in an unknown room, in an unknown cabin. It would be best to make them feel at ease, and not make them flip and try to kill Castiel as they tried to find out where they were.

Finally certain that he had made the wolf as comfortable as he could make them, Castiel turned back around and finally set out into the woods. He planned to check his traps to see if there was any fresh meat in them which he could take back to the cabin - the stuff Charlie brought only went so far, and Castiel was happy hunting and growing what he could, and only turning to Charlie when he had to.

His thoughts were flying around, the calm of the forest only doing so much. In the past day he had used his magic to save a wolf, who then turned out to be an unbonded familiar, who was now asleep in his guest room.

This was the strangest day he’d had in his entire life, and he was pretty terrified to see where this would go next. He had moved to the woods to avoid things like this, but apparently even in the middle of the forest, he couldn’t escape.

Chapter Text

Castiel walked slowly, the smell and feel of the forest soothing him and almost allowing him to forget where he was walking to. He had checked all the traps, and although most of them had been empty - he'd last checked them a couple of days ago so he hadn't expected many of them to have been set off already - a few of them had needed emptying and resetting, so now he had three rabbits for him to prepare and preserve for later.

Normally three rabbits would be plenty, and he would use one for cooking now, and preserve the other two for when it started getting colder and lots of the animals started hibernating, making his traps a lot less useful and causing him to have to rely on his stores and whatever Charlie brought him, but now with a… with a wolf staying in his home for at least a day more, maybe longer depending on whether they had anywhere to go, and Castiel would definitely have to feed them. And if there was one thing Castiel knew about wolves, it was that they had a huge appetite. Add on the fact that the wolf at his house looked malnourished, they would definitely eat a lot.

The three rabbits would be enough, but he doubted he would have any leftovers to store for as long as they stayed with him.

No.

Castiel shook his head, annoyed at himself and his witch nature. He wasn’t letting the wolf - the familiar - stay. They could stay a few days, that was it. Any longer and - Castiel wasn’t even going to think of what could happen. It wasn’t going to happen because they weren’t going to stay. One less rabbit for the store this one time wouldn’t change anything, and in the future the wolf would be gone and everything would be back to normal.

Simple.

Castiel sighed as he arrived on the outskirts of his property, his magic already sensing the familiar within and starting to ache. He knew it probably felt worse than before because he now knew there was a familiar there, but that didn't change anything. His chest was still aching, reminding him of something he really didn't want to remember.

He didn't want a familiar in his cabin and witch's compulsion to protect familiars aside, they would not be staying longer than they absolutely had to.

Castiel just wanted things to go back to normal.

He was just approaching the door to his cabin when he noticed the nice smell filling the air. It smelled like food and Castiel’s stomach had already started to rumble, he couldn’t remember when he last ate, but it was long enough ago for him to be hungry again. For a moment he let himself get lost in the smell, wondering what was being cooked, before his mind reminded him that there was no reason for food to be being cooked from his cabin, and someone was in there, cooking food for some reason, but that aside, someone had walked into his home while he was out.

He took a deep breath while he hung the rabbits up outside his porch. First job, figure out why there was someone in his cabin. Second job, sort out those rabbits. He waited a few more seconds, readying himself to confront whoever was in there, before walking in. However wherever he planned to do with the intruder went out the window, as the second he walked into his kitchen he froze.

There was a man standing by his stove, wearing a slightly muddy black, short sleeved, t-shirt and some dusty ripped jeans, with no shoes on his feet. He was flipping some burgers and humming happily under his breath like he hadn’t just broken into someone else's house and was now cooking in their kitchen. He just seemed so normal, but more than that, he was beautiful. Castiel couldn’t see his face from where he was standing, but the guy had strong muscles in his arms which were rippling as he moved, short, sandy blond hair, and freckles covering all of this sun kissed skin Castiel could see. But more than that, he had a way of carrying himself which spoke of both strength, and kindness. Like he could break someone, but had been broken too many times, who knew how it felt like too much, to ever even think of hurting someone else. His very being spoke of someone who was broken, but still going, and was only kinder because of it. The kind of person who lived by ‘I went through it, so I should help them not’ rather than ‘I went through it so they should too’. He looked around the same age as Castiel, but clearly had been through more than those years would suggest.

His very being was beautiful, but he was still in Castiel’s cabin uninvited.

Castiel opened his mouth, about to say something to the guy, hopefully asking him to leave or why he was there, rather than ask them out like he was worried he was going to, but before any words could escape the man turned around. For a moment Castiel was frozen, the man’s gorgeous face and sparkling green eyes locking up all his muscles, before his brain suddenly realised where he’d seen those eyes before.

The wolf. The familiar.

This was them. This beautiful human was the wolf’s other form, his human form.

"Oh, hello!" The familiar greeted with a smile. He didn't seem at all concerned about Castiel, but that was probably because he knew Castiel was the owner of the cabin, and he'd already saved the familiar once, it would be stupid to think that Castiel would attack him now.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked, his voice as steady as he could make it, which to be honest probably wasn't very.

"You left me some raw mince," the familiar said with a slight shrug, "I was back in my human form when I woke up, so I decided to make some burgers."

“You woke up in an unfamiliar place, and your first thought was to make burgers?”

“Not at all,” the familiar replies with a quiet chuckle, “but after I figured out I was safe here, and you meant no harm, then my first thought was to make burgers.”

Castiel gaped openly for a minute, he had no idea how he had ended up in this situation, talking with a familiar who wasn’t Charlie while they cooked burgers for what probably counted as breakfast, but here he was.

It took him another minute before he could get his thoughts under control, during which the familiar turned back to finish cooling the burgers, apparently not worried about what Castiel was doing. Then again, those burgers did smell delicious, better than any burgers Cas had ever cooked, so he could see why he wouldn’t want to stop paying attention to them.

Clearly the familiar wasn’t going to be leaving until the burgers were done and eaten, and ignoring the fact Castiel couldn’t help but feel happy about that, he couldn't call him ‘the familiar’ for much longer. He might as well find the name of the familiar he saved, and it would probably help in some way or another in the future as well, even if it was just to help him get a new life far away from Castiel and his cabin.

“What’s your name?” he asked, walking past the familiar to grab cutlery to lay the table, as well as grabbing plates for the burgers. If they were going to have such tasty smelling burgers, Castiel might as well make a salad as well, he figured.

“My name is Dean,” the familiar - Dean - said quietly, grabbing some bread buns and putting them on the plates Castiel had provided before turning the heat under the burgers off. Castiel finished the salad quietly, waiting for Dean to continue, maybe give a surname, maybe explain where he had come from, but he said nothing else.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel eventually said, placing the salad on the table and sitting down at one of the places he had set earlier, “I’m Castiel, nice to meet you.”

“Hello Castiel,” Dean replied, wincing slightly when he said Castiel’s name. He would have been offended, but honestly he couldn’t blame him. Castiel was an odd name, and for someone who had never heard it before, it’s pronunciation could be tricky.

“I know,” Castiel said, a small grin appearing on his face, “I was named after an angel, I did get off better than some of my siblings though, one of my brothers was named Lucifer.”

Dean grinned and Castiel couldn’t help smiling back. He was just so beautiful, and Castiel could already feel the need to continue making Dean smile, possibly for the rest of his life.

No.

Castiel stayed away from familiars for a reason, he couldn’t just change that because of an injured wolf with a cute grin.

“I was named after my grandma,” Dean said, breaking Castiel out of his thoughts and thankfully not asking more about Castiel’s family. It had been stupid bringing them up, and Castiel honestly had no idea why he had. 

What was it about this familiar which was breaking down all his walls?

“How old are you Dean?” Cas asked, hoping to move the subject onto more comfortable topics. There was nothing bad about age, nothing that could be used to steer into deeper conversations. Nothing dangerous in the question.

“Twenty one,” Dean said, acting like it was nothing even while Castiel froze and his eyes widened. Dean was twenty one. He wasn’t a child, but he wasn’t that far into being an adult either, and the pain hiding behind his eyes was not that of a twenty year old. He had years hiding in his movements, years he had never actually lived.

“I’m twenty five,” Castiel offered without being asked, wanting to keep their easy exchange of information going.

Dean placed both of the plates on the table and dropped down into the chair across from Castiel, his shirt bouncing up a bit from the drop, revealing the burn on his hip. Castiel bit his lip to try and stop himself from commenting, his instinctual reaction to seeing the scar being to mention it, but even after spending this long in the middle of a forest, Castiel knew it was rude to bring something like that up. It was just… for a scar to be present on both of a familiar’s forms, it would have had to have been bad, bad enough for the familiar to have to split it between their two bodies to survive it.

Although a familiar was one person, they had two bodies which they could change between at will. But the two bodies were still separate. Scars didn’t transfer across, injuries didn’t transfer, if they were wearing clothes in their human form, those clothes would stay with their human form and return when the familiar changed back. However if an injury was particularly bad, the familiar could use it’s small amount of natural magic to split the injury so both forms had part of it.

The very thought that Dean had been in a situation like that, had Castiel filled with anger on the behalf of the man in front of him.

“Why are you here?” Castiel asked, and it was meant to be under his breath, Castiel thinking aloud, but Dean obviously heard him, because he answered.

“I got into a bear fight,” Dean said, his voice quiet and filled with a little something which told Castiel that there was more to the story than just that. That burn didn’t come from a bear fight. Dean didn’t end up in his garden, alone, because of just a bear fight. “I found myself wandering the woods, and when I saw your cabin, figured there would be a human who could help me, and ended up collapsing in your garden.”

Castiel frowned. There was definitely something else there. No one who isn’t hiding something ever started their story half way through it, nor did they ever tell a story that simply. If he was telling the full story he would - well, he would tell the full story.

“What else happened?” Castiel asked, unable to help himself. He just wanted to know what else had led this familiar to his garden.

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean snapped, his voice harsh as he was clearly not happy with where that line of questioning was going, “my past is mine, and you don’t need to know any more about it.” He breathed heavily for a moment, before taking a bite out of his burger, very clearly cutting the conversation off.

“Okay, I’m sorry, you’re right,” Castiel agreed in what he hoped was a soothing voice.

They ate the rest of their meal in silence, and once they were done they worked together to tidy up. It was only when the last plate was back in the cupboard that Castiel remembered that Dean needed to go, he wasn’t here to stay. He had just been resting here, and now it was time for him to go.

“Do you have somewhere to go next?” Castiel asked slowly, turning to look at Dean, paying attention to every shift of the familiar’s face. At first he looked scared, and then it shifted to resigned, then to what looked like sadness, then blankness, which somehow was so much worse than any of the other looks.

“It’s okay, I know when I’ve outstayed my welcome, I’ll go.”

It’s exactly what Castiel wanted. He wanted Dean to leave, to go back to the forest and not disturb his life anymore than he already had.

It was just…

“That wasn’t what I said,” Castiel said, his voice filled with a power and sternness he hadn’t heard from himself for years, “I asked if you have somewhere to go next. Now, do you, or do you not?”

Dean stared down at the floor as he shifted from foot to foot, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck, “No I haven’t,” he admitted, his voice little more than a whisper.

“Where were you trying to get before you ended up here?”

“I- I wasn’t really going anywhere,” Dean whispered like it was some kind of dirty secret he didn’t want Castiel to hear, “I was just trying to get away, I didn’t really think of where to.”

“Away from what?” Castiel asked, feeling a heavy feeling bubble up in his gut at the very thought that Dean had felt worried enough about being somewhere, that he had run with no thought for where he was going next.

“That doesn’t matter,” Dean said and there was something in his voice that told Castiel this wasn’t something he should push.

Castiel was quiet for a moment, looking at the brightness in Dean’s eyes, the bags under his eyes which one night of good sleep hadn’t been able to get rid of, the burn mark on his hip, covered by his shirt, but a permanent reminder that something horrible had happened to him. The resignation which seemed to have been in every cell of his body ever since Castiel had asked him about leaving, replacing the relaxation which had filled him before.

Castiel didn't know exactly what made him say it, but something made the decision for him. He couldn’t let Dean leave. Couldn’t let him back out into the dangers of life on his own, running from some unnamed horror which had led to him running like he had.

“You can stay here if you'd like.”

He didn’t even have time to regret his offer, the way Dean lit up after his words registered burning away any negative emotions he could feel. Sure, this could turn out to be an awful idea, but this moment alone would make it worth it.

Chapter Text

“Can I really stay?” Dean’s voice was shaky, like he really wanted to believe Cas would let him stay, but had been disappointed too many times in his life to believe he would be able. Castiel couldn’t help the feeling of protectiveness which filled him in the face of Dean’s uncertainty. He wanted to get rid of everyone who had ever hurt the poor familiar in front of him; who, although Castiel hadn’t known for very long, he could tell was deserving of so much more than he had been given in life.

He deserved safety.

He deserved to feel wanted.

He deserved to be loved.

He deserved so much more than Castiel would ever be able to give him, and Castiel was already unsure if that was a good idea. He should be avoiding familiars, he always avoided familiars - especially ones he didn’t know - and yet here he was, opening his home to this guy just because he deserved more and he filled Castiel with a feeling of protectiveness.

If he wanted to protect him, he should just let Dean go. Let him get far away to somewhere Castiel wouldn’t be able to hurt him.

And yet he just couldn’t.

The very thought of letting Dean leave, being unable to help if he got injured and not knowing if he was safe, if he had enough food, if he was even still alive, it made something deep inside of himself twist and rebel and refuse to let that happen. If Dean wanted to go, then Castiel wouldn’t really have a choice not to let him go, but he could already tell that even after such a short amount of time, Dean had already managed to change things.

Castiel couldn’t tell if that scared him or not, but one thing was sure, if this was how much everything had changed after a day, now that Dean was staying nothing would be the same again.

“Do you have any possessions?” Castiel asked. He guessed the answer would be no, the wolf hadn’t been holding a bag and Dean didn’t have anything else with him, so unless he had a bag which had been dropped nearby, he could only assume that Dean had left everything else wherever he had been before turning up in Castiel’s garden. He was already running a list through his mind, figuring out what he had spares that he could give to Dean, and what they would have to go into town to buy. He was surprised when he realised how far into the future he was planning. For once in his life he was expecting someone to stay, and even though he still wasn’t certain that was a good thing, it still made him smile.

“No I’m sorry, I only have what was in my pockets when I last shifted,” Dean said, gesturing to the pockets of his jeans. Castiel nodded, understanding that it would be just as he had expected, you couldn’t fit a toothbrush or a spare pair of clothes in jean pockets.

“Alright then, I’ll help you get settled into the guest room, and then I’ll see what I can find around the house for you.”

Dean blushed, his eyes darting to the ground as he quietly mumbled, “You don’t have to, I can deal without, I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

Castiel frowned, squinting at Dean. Why would giving him a toothbrush count as being inconvenienced? Why did Dean seem to think Castiel would let him stay in his home without providing the basics? It wasn’t like Castiel was short of money, nor did he have anything better to spend his money on. He stayed in his cabin, buying books and food and paying the bills. Beyond that, he really didn’t really spend his money, he thought he would be able to afford a toothbrush and some clothes.

“It wouldn’t be an inconvenience,” Castiel said slowly, “If you’re staying in my home, you won’t be ‘dealing’ without basic belongings. At the very least you need some more clothes and some personal hygiene supplies.”

Dean nodded, not looking up when he said, “If that’s what you want.” Castiel wasn’t sure he liked this version of Dean, and he wished the happy familiar who was cooking burgers would come back. He had the feeling this was because he had said Dean could stay, maybe he thought he had to earn his keep now that he was staying, or maybe he was even trying to be as unassuming as possible so that Castiel wouldn’t get annoyed at him and kick him out.

“Yes, that is what I want,” Castiel eventually said, “you know where the guest bedroom is - it’s the one you woke up in this morning - please go and make sure everything is as you like it, I’ll be through in a minute.” 

He waited until Dean had done as he asked and headed to what would now be his room, before he stood up and headed to his room, grabbing some of the clothes from the back of his closet which he didn’t normally wear. It was mainly flannels, a few plain t-shirts which didn’t fit Castiel but should fit Dean, and some old, worn, jeans which Castiel saved for garden work. There were a few which were definitely no good, but still a few other outfits which would probably just about fit Dean - though they may end up being a bit too small. He hadn’t been able to see Dean’s exact size, but from what he had seen the other man was a little taller than him, but Castiel was fairly sure he had broader shoulders, which would probably mean the clothes would be slightly too short, but baggy around the shoulders, but they would have to do.

Once he had gathered some clothes - though they would definitely have to get Dean some of his own soon enough, Castiel felt bad making Dean wear his old stuff - Castiel wandered to the airing cabinet to grab a few clean towels for Dean to use, before he headed to Dean’s new room. Dean was standing in his room just like Castiel had asked, and he seemed to have moved the bed next to the window. He blushed when he saw Cas looking at it, mumbling something about how he was sorry and that he would move it back.

“No, leave it. This is your room now, you can move stuff wherever you want,” Castiel assured him, placing the clothes and towels down on the bed, “I brought you some clean clothes and towels. If you want to get changed into some clean clothes, I can wash the ones you are wearing right now,” Castiel offered as he walked back out the room, “I’ll just go and see what hygiene products I have spare.”

Dean didn’t say anything more so Castiel headed to the bathroom, making sure to close the door to Dean’s room behind him as he left, so that Dean would have privacy if he decided he did want to change.

In the bathroom Castiel looked through his cabinets, managing to find a packaged toothbrush and a packaged razor which he could give Dean, but from the looks of things Dean would have to just use the soap, shampoo, and conditioner that was already in the shower. Castiel doubted it would matter anyway, having a separate bottle of shampoo would just make no sense anyway.

Once again Castiel headed back to Dean’s room, knocking and waiting to be called in before he entered, placing the packages on the bed and telling Dean of the soap situation. He noticed Dean’s dirty clothes pile when he first walked in, but that didn’t mean he was ready to look up and see Dean in Castiel’s clothes.

“Is- is something wrong?” Dean asked, and it was only then that Castiel realised he was staring. It was just… Dean looked really good in his clothes. They didn’t fit amazingly, just like Castiel had expected, but what he hadn’t expected was how they actually would fit. Dean clearly wasn’t too uncomfortable, which was just as well because Castiel doubted they would get to town for another couple of days, but Castiel was seriously wondering if he should just drive to town now, because he wasn’t sure how long he could survive being in the presence of Dean, while he was looking like that.

Castiel had to stay away. He couldn’t let himself get attached. Dean was a familiar. It didn’t matter if most witch and familiar relationships were somewhere between lovers and really close friends, depending on the couple, Castiel couldn’t get close to a familiar. He couldn’t bond with one. He would just get Dean hurt if he continued like this.

Yet somehow, even with that echoing around his head, he couldn’t help but wonder if it would be worth it.

Of course it wouldn’t be worth it.

Just because Dean was- well, Dean, didn’t mean Castiel should forget everything he had learned throughout his life.

“No, everything is fine,” Castiel assured, realising he still hadn’t responded to Dean’s question. “I’ll go put a wash on, did you take everything out of your jean pockets?”

“Yes I did,” Dean said, his eyes darting to look at the bedside table which had a small pile of items on it, including what looked like a set of car keys and some other items Castiel couldn’t identify.

“Alright,” Castiel smiled, grabbing the clothes and leaving the room, “I’ll go do this, you can finish getting settled in. I have lots of books in the sitting room if you want to go and check them out.” He waited for Dean to nod his understanding before he spun on his heel, carrying the bundle to his washing machine and grabbing his own hamper to make sure the load was full. A small thrill went through him, seeing his clothes mixing with Dean’s in the washing machine, and he couldn’t help but feel like an idiot, getting this excited over something so simple.

So mundane.

So domestic.

Wow. How had they already slipped into domestic? Dean hadn’t even properly moved into his room yet, and Castiel was calling it domestic?

And yet when he left the laundry room and found Dean sprawled in an armchair, a book open in front of him, he couldn’t help the same thrill going through him. A small smile escaping him as he grabbed his own book and settled into the other armchair, a comfortable silence falling between them and the air in the room unable to be described as anything other than comfortable. Domestic.

Castiel wasn’t sure how long they were sitting there reading, but the comfortable silence between them was disturbed however long later by a loud grumble from Dean’s stomach. Castiel wasn’t surprised, Dean’s wolf metabolism mixed with however long he spent on the run, not eating properly, meant that of course he was hungry. Castiel himself was getting peckish, and he didn’t have two forms. Dean on the other hand just looked embarrassed, like he felt he shouldn't have been hungry.

A sudden thought hit Castiel, and although he hoped it wasn’t true, he had to ask.

“Dean, how long have you been hungry for?”

Dean stared down at the floor, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck again in a gesture Cas was starting to realise he did when he was nervous or embarrassed. “A while,” Dean admitted, his voice small, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

Castiel sighed, realising that he was going to have his work cut out if he wanted the Dean he had caught a glimpse of before back. “Dean, I’m never going to get mad at you for being hungry. If you are hungry, I want you to tell me.”

“But I- I eat so much. It’s not right. I’ll just make things difficult for you.”

“Dean, you have two forms to feed, of course you eat more than someone who isn’t a familiar, that doesn’t mean that you are greedy or wrong.”

Dean blinked a couple of times, looking both shocked and also… pleased? Yes, he looked pleased. Like Castiel’s words had taken a weight he had been carrying for years off his shoulders.

“Where have you been my whole life?” Dean whispered under his breath, clearly not meaning for Castiel to overhear.

Castiel snorted silently, ‘Right here,’ he thought ‘ waiting for you.’  He wished it wasn’t true, but even if he was never going to do anything about it ever, it was true.

He’d been here waiting for something to change.

Waiting for Dean.

Chapter Text

Castiel headed to the kitchen, looking through the cupboards for something easy but filling for him to cook. He had the ingredients for lasagne with the rabbits he caught in his traps, and some ingredients Charlie brought, and after another few minutes of thinking he decided to make some cheesy garlic bread to go with it. Normally he only made small quantities, but with Dean’s extra metabolism Castiel could tell that anything he cooked wouldn’t stay for very long. He didn’t mind, but he had a feeling he would have to rely on the shops a bit more than he normally did.

Dean tried to help at first, following Castiel into the kitchen and starting to prepare the rabbits, his wolf side apparently making him very good at separating the good meat and bad meat, but Castiel couldn’t help but notice how Dean didn’t have any idea where anything went and still seemed to be slightly tired, even after the magic healing of his wounds, so he decided it would probably be better if he encouraged Dean to go and rest while he finished the rest of the cooking.

Of course, the fact that the familiar seemed to think he had to make himself useful had definitely not helped Dean’s case that he should help Castiel with the cooking.

“Dean, go and rest. I’ll call you back when it’s done, but until then you will be more helpful if you take the time to get better,” Castiel sighed for what felt like the millionth time. Dean was stubborn and apparently his belief he had to help with everything ran deep. Castiel would have probably encouraged it if he thought it was a familiar thing, or even just a Dean thing, but this didn’t feel like that. Something about the desperation Dean faced each task with, told him that this was more of a forced habit than a happy little personality trait.

“But I’m fine,” Dean argued, “you saved my life, the least I can do is help you make some food.” Castiel noticed that he was swaying on his feet slightly and once again Castiel couldn’t help but wonder what he was running from. Obviously they had hurt him, and Castiel wished he had realised this whole thing earlier. Maybe if he had known that Dean was a familiar before he used the potion he could have healed Dean completely.

But then again, how could he have known?

All he knew was an injured wolf covered in injuries. He couldn’t have known they were a familiar. He couldn’t have known that they were running from something.

“Dean, you’re a guest, and you’re exhausted. Rest, I can do this by myself,” Castiel said, wishing that he could just click his fingers and magic Dean into his room. Castiel didn’t normally miss his magic, he knew why it was bound and why would he miss something like that anyway? And yet ever since Dean had appeared in his life, all one day worth of it, he had wanted to use his magic more times than he had in years.

It wasn’t even because he was a familiar. It was just because he was fucking fustrating.

Dean opened his mouth again, his green eyes still blazing with defiance, but a stern look from Castiel had his mouth snapping shoot. “Dean, I’m the host. Go rest.” Dean nodded in response, the fight draining from his eyes while he muttered something about how Castiel was a witch - was it supposed to be an insult? Or just a fact? - before finally walking out the room. Somehow that hurt even more than Dean refusing to not help. Probably because it was clear that Dean still thought he should be helping, he was gone because he thought he couldn’t argue with Castiel, not because he agreed.

One day Castiel was going to find out where Dean had come from, and then he was going to curse whoever did this to Dean.

He swore quietly under his breath, but stayed in the kitchen, not going after Dean like he wanted to. Dean probably needed space, and Castiel was cooking anyway. There was no point burning it when he would probably just make everything worse.

The lasagne was ready about half an hour later and after trying to call Dean and getting no response, Castiel started walking through his cabin looking for the familiar.

He eventually found him in the laundry room. It looked like he had hung out all the washing Castiel had put on that morning, and then after that job had been done had started looking for more jobs to do. That was why Castiel found him sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded with piles of washing, the iron was out and clearly had  been used to iron their clothes - which didn’t need ironing - and his washing machine looked cleaner than he had ever seen it.

“Dean? What are you doing?” Castiel asked in concern as he walked up to the familiar who hadn’t even looked up yet.

“Laundry,” Dean grunted, clearly not seeing any problems with what he was doing.

“Didn’t I tell you to rest?” Cas asked, waiting until Dean nodded before he continued, “so why are you doing laundry?”

Dean started picking at his fingers, his shoulders hunching up around his shoulders, “I thought you would rather that I make myself useful.”

Castiel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Dean, you aren’t a slave. You don’t need to do all this. You are still hurt, you need to rest.”

“But you’re a witch,” Dean snorted, like his point was obvious. He didn’t continue for a moment, so Castiel waved for him to continue. “Witches are above such things like laundry,” Dean said, his tone making it clear that he was quoting someone, “that’s the job of the familiar. To make their life easier, in all ways.”

“Well I have no idea which witches said that to you,” Castiel said with a frown, “but I can promise you that I have never even met a witch who thinks like that. Witches and familiars are equals, we work in different ways, but we are equals in all aspects in life.”

Dean frowned at that, but didn’t argue about the fact they were equals, instead he decided to argue about the other part. “Well if we are equals then I should be helping,” he pointed out.

Castiel was unable to help the chuckle which bubbled out of his throat. He hoped he would see more of this Dean than the other version of him. “Sure,” he agreed, “let’s go and eat, and once we are done we can decide on some jobs for you to do, but only if you want to, and there will be none of this making yourself useful stuff. If you need to rest, you will rest, I’ve spent all these years doing all jobs on my own, nothing will collapse if you need time to recover.”

Dean’s smile was dazzling as Castiel’s words registered in his head; clearly he liked the idea. “Sounds good,” he said, standing up and following Castiel back to the kitchen, “I’m glad it was your cabbage patch I ended up in.”

“I’m glad it was mine as well,” Castiel grinned. He sat down at the table, happily tucking into his food, his smile only growing at the happy sounds Dean made as he ate. He still seemed a bit shocked that Castiel didn’t think he was greedy when he offerened seconds, but he didn’t argue this time, just happily took the offered food and enjoyed it.

“Dean, you don’t have to answer,” Castiel started hesitantly, “but how come you know so little about being a familiar? I’m not even talking about the service thing - even though I don’t even understand how a witch could do that - I just mean, you didn’t realise about the extra food due to the extra form thing.”

Dean ducked his head down, staring at the table, and Castiel worried that he had gone too far. Dean stayed silent while Castiel quietly finished eating, not doing anything to lessen Castiel's worry, leaving him sitting there seriously concerned he had overstepped.

“What do you mean you can’t understand how a witch could do that to a familiar?”

Castiel startled slightly, he hadn’t expected Dean to talk. It wasn’t answering his question, but although Castiel was worried, his question didn’t really matter. He could teach Dean all that stuff now, it didn’t matter why Dean didn’t know it.

“Witches have this… this compulsion I guess, to protect familiars,” Castiel tried to explain, “for example, even when I didn’t know what you were, I knew I couldn’t let you die without trying to help you, because my magic refused to let me.”

“Because familiars are useful to you guys?” Dean snapped angrily.

Castiel quickly shook his head, “No, not at all. It’s more like witches and familiars are born to work together. You help us with our magic, so we help you with whatever you need in return. I don’t expect anything in return, just saying that before you assume anything, it’s just a kind of natural partnership our magics have.”

Dean seemed to partially understand, even if Castiel was sure his explanation was pretty awful.

“I think I understand. I’m fairly sure if you were hurt, my familiar side wouldn’t let me just leave you. Then again, by now, I don’t think I would leave you even if I could.” Castel’s breath caught in his throat. “You’re a good man Castiel,” Dean smiled, “I don’t know why, but I know I can trust you to tell me the truth.”

Dean stood up, picking up both plates to rinse them off, and Castiel was reminded of Dean’s sheer height. Throughout their last conversation Dean’s vulnerability had made him seem smaller, and it was only now that he stood that Castiel remembered he wasn’t any kind of damsel in distress. He could look after himself. But Castiel would never say no to giving him a helping hand from time to time.

“Alright then,” Dean said, clearing his throat and muttering something about chick-fliks under his breath, “What jobs do you want me to do around the house.”

They talked for a while, discussing Dean’s skills. At first Dean just said Castiel should just give him all the jobs he hated, but Castiel refused. They were equals, so they would split the worst jobs evenly.

In the end it was decided that Dean could use his wolf form to go hunting whenever they ran out of meat, and would also water the garden and do any random repairs the cabin needed. They would cook together, and other than that Castiel would continue on with the jobs he always did. Castiel reminded Dean once again that if he needed to rest, then he should, all his jobs would be able to wait until a later date, and he waited until Dean nodded in agreement before he moved on.

Castiel thought for a moment, wondering whether offering this would make things better or worse, before deciding that no harm would come from offering it, and Dean could always say no.

“Dean, do you want to find out more about being a familiar?” Castiel asked carefully, watching as confusion spread across Dean’s face.

“How?” he asked, his tone filled with suspicion, like he expected this to be some kind of trap.

“My friend Charlie,” Castiel explained, “she’s a familiar and created this kind of familiar chat space. We can make you an account and you can anonymously talk to other familiars about their experiences, or even your experiences if you want to. There are no witches, a spell woven into the very coding of the website which stops them from being able to use it.”

Dean blinked a couple of times, looking extremely surprised. “You’d be okay with that?”

“With what?”

“Me talking to other familiars without you knowing what I’m saying.”

Castiel sighed. Again. And wished he could curse whoever Dean was with before he ended up here. Again.

“I would never try to control your actions,” Castiel said, his voice surprisingly level when compared to the turbulent emotions in his head. “I may have never been on this website, but I know Charlie, and I know she would only make a safe space, and I know that you deserve the chance to get a first hand view of being a familiar.”

Dean smiled then, like he had only just realised that Castiel was being serious, that he really could go on the website and talk to other people and do whatever he wanted to.

“I don’t have a phone,” he said suddenly, “you live in a cabin in the middle of some woods. How am I going to get to this website exactly?”

Castiel grinned, he’d been wondering if Dean would point that out. “I have a computer, I just prefer reading, and Charlie - the friend who made the website - also installed some magic boosted internet for me. I’m in the middle of the woods, but my computer should work just fine.”

“Awesome,” Dean laughed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for Castiel to go and get the computer.

“Alright, do you want any help signing up? Or will you be fine?”

“I think I’ll be fine,” Dean said, rubbing at the back of his neck, “I’m pretty good with technology.”

“Alright, well I’ll be in my garden if you need me. Enjoy.” Castiel said as he walked out the door, a happy smile on his face. This would be good for Dean, he could already feel it.

Chapter Text

Castiel spent a few hours tending to his garden, deadheading the flowers, turning the soil, and planting a few of the seeds which were okay being planted so late in the year. He even found the gun he’d dropped when he found Dean, and quickly nipped inside to put it back in its draw. Dean was enthralled with whatever he was reading on the screen, and didn’t even notice Cas walk past. 

On his way back outside, Castiel checked the clock, and decided to water the plants which needed it. It was supposed to be Dean’s job to do the watering, but Castiel needed some time to think, and he figured that Dean could start with his jobs tomorrow, hopefully after the other familiars on the site had helped him settle into his own being slightly more.

The plants surrounding him, the calming smell of petrichor which was released when he watered, the sound of typing he could just hear through the open door, it all started to settle him, making him feel happier than he had in years.

He had never thought he would want to share his space with anyone else. Being alone was lonely, but it was safe. For him, and everyone else. He had a routine, and sure, he wasn’t happy, but he never expected to be happy, nor did he deserve to be happy.

But then Dean waltzed - well, limped - into his life and now, even after only a day, Cas can’t imagine being alone again. He never expected that he would get used to Dean’s presence this quickly, but the familiar just bought a kind of warmth with him. If Castiel’s magic wasn’t bound he would assume it was just the link between their magics, but Castiel’s magic was bound, and the warmth wasn’t anything magical.

It was just Dean.

It was Dean’s smile, his rare laughs, the brightness of his eyes even when they looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. It was the way Dean was never silent, even when he was being quiet, there was still more noise filling Castiel’s cabin than there had been in years - excluding Charlie of course, the fox always filled Castiel’s cabin with noise and activity, but she never stayed long. Dean had already been there for longer than Charlie ever stayed for. It wasn’t Charlie's fault, Castiel always chased her away.

He thought that was what he wanted.

Dean was starting to make him think he had been wrong.

“Castiel?” Dean asked, his face appearing at the door. Castiel waved from his place in the flower beds, his grin growing when Dean left the house, walking over to stand next to Castiel.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel greeted the familiar, “are you done on the laptop?”

“Yes thank you,” his eyes sparkling with a mixture of joy and hope that Castiel knew wasn’t there before. He was glad to see that it really had helped, hopefully now Dean would understand his place a bit better and would be able to settle in a bit more comfortably.

“Did they manage to answer all your questions?”

“Almost all of them,” Dean said, “but the others were because I didn’t ask. I still don’t know what is normal and what isn’t, and I think I need to get used to what I already know before I try to look into that.”

Castiel nodded, glad to hear that Dean knew his own limits. This was already a lot to take in, and it wouldn’t be good if Dean accidentally overwhelmed himself. “Okay, well if you have any questions for me, either now or after you are used to what you already know, feel free to ask. Until then, is there a reason you came to find me?”

“Oh yeah,” Dean laughed quietly, like he’d forgotten that he was supposed to be asking something, “Umm, it’s just-” he started, and Castiel squinted, unsure what Dean could be about to say that could be this difficult.

“Yes?” Castiel asked when it was clear Dean wasn’t going to continue, “it’s just?”

Dean sighed heavily, and Castiel couldn’t help but notice how adorable it was. He could hear Dean’s wolf voice just under his human one, the chuffing noise mixing into the sigh in such a way that you wouldn’t be able to hear it unless you knew it was there. That gave Castiel a bit of a clue over what this could be about, but Dean needed to say it out loud. Communication was important and if he had to act clueless to make it happen, then so be it.

“I don’t know what your rules on shifting on the property are,” Dean said, the words coming faster and faster as though now that he had started he couldn’t stop, “but I’m healthier than I’ve been for years and I’m feeling an itch to shift.”

“Okay,” Castiel answered with a small frown, “so why are you coming to me?”

“To- ask you if I can shift?” Dean asked hesitantly, the small frown on his face matching Castiel’s.

“Dean,” Castiel sighed. Clearly they weren’t as over this as he had expected. “I will never try to control your actions. You can shift as much as you like. You’re allowed wherever you want - as long as it doesn’t endanger yourself or anyone else - regardless of form.”

“Oh,” Dean breathed, his face lightening and a wide smile spreading across his face. “Thanks Cas!” There was something in his grin, something that made Castiel suspicious.

“Were you testing me?” he asked slowly, “was that what that was?”

Dean’s grin only grew, the corner of his eyes crinkling with joy. “Yep,” he said, popping his p. “Well, I actually do want to shift, but I was saying to one of the other familiars on the site about how I wanted to trust you, but couldn’t be certain you were telling the truth, and they told me to ask if I could shift. They said that a good witch will never try to control what form you are in and where, even just something as simple as ‘don’t be in your animal form in the house’ is a red flag.”

Castiel nodded. “That familiar is very smart. Which form you are in is - and always should be - up to you.” He was glad to hear that he had passed the test. It wasn’t like he would ever have a different answer to anything to do with Dean and his two forms, but it was still a fear of his that he might fail a test and lose Dean. He- he liked the familiar. Just in a friend's way, but he would still miss him immensely if he decided he couldn’t trust Castiel and wanted to go.

Then again, the very fact he was testing Castiel was a good thing. It meant that he wanted to trust Castiel. He wasn’t just going to hand his trust over to Castiel just because he was a witch, or because he had saved him and given him a place to stay. He was giving Castiel a chance to earn the trust, and in Castiel’s opinion earned trust was so much better than forced trust, or blind trust.

“Are you planning to go for a run?” Castiel asked, slowly standing up and waving his  hand in the general direction of the forest - seeing as the forest was surrounding them from all sides, it was a pretty accurate general hand wave.

“Yeah, that’s the plan,” Dean grinned, “I don’t know how long I’ll be, so don’t wait up.” As soon as he had finished speaking, Dean shifted to his other form, his glossy coat looking miles better than it had last time Castiel had seen it and his eyes bright. Dean shook his coat out, sending Castiel as close to a smile as his snout would let him, then sprinted off into the woods.

Castiel watched him until he was out of sight, then he watched the space he had disappeared into for a bit longer, before sighing to himself and walking back into his cabin. It was alarmingly quiet. Castiel never noticed how oppressive the emptiness of his cabin was.

It didn’t matter. Dean would be back from his run soon.

While he waited Castiel decided to do some tidying, making sure that everything was in it’s exact place and catching up on any of the cleaning he hadn’t been able to do due to Dean’s sudden appearance. He put the washing Dean had folded into his room, and then put Dean’s washing outside his door. He’d rather put it inside the room, the floor was clean, but the washing was certainly cleaner, however he knew Dean would appreciate having some space which was his and his alone, and what was the point of telling Dean the room was all his if Castiel was going to be constantly invading it without permission.

Once he had done all the cleaning, he sat down in his armchair to do some reading. He had to turn the light on to see the words, the sun long gone from the sky, and he found himself wondering where Dean was. Dean hadn’t said he would be back before dark, and to a wolf the blackness of night wouldn’t be little more than a slight inconvenience, if that, actually with the amount of nocturnal animals Dean was probably having the time of his life.

That didn’t stop Castiel from worrying.

It had just passed one in the morning and Castiel’s eyes were aching from looking at the small text of his book, when the door swung open to reveal Dean. He was still in his wolf form, but he was panting happily as he trotted into the room. He froze for a second when he made eye contact with Castiel, clearly not expecting him to be awake, but after a suspicious glance and a disapproving huff he walked over to Castiel.

He very clearly said hello with his eyes, but didn’t shift back to his human form so they could talk. Castiel didn’t take it personally, it was quite late - actually early, but who was counting - and Castiel had been serious when he said that Dean could be whichever form he wanted, whenever he wanted.

“Do you need help with doors?” Castiel asked gently, running his fingers through the fur on Dean’s head. For a moment Dean froze and he worried he had overstepped, but Dean quickly melted into the touch, his happy rumble making Castiel smile.

Dean very clearly nodded his head, the eye contact he kept with Castiel for the entire time making his message clear. He needed Castiel to open the doors. He didn’t want to shift back yet.

Castiel stood up, regrettably having to take his hands off Dean’s soft fur. “Alright, come on then,” he whispered, opening the door to Dean’s room and then after checking with Dean first, closing it behind him. Dean wasn’t making any noise, his footsteps too quiet for that, yet the silence of the cabin no longer felt oppressive. It was warm now that Dean was back.

He smiled the entire way back to his own room.

Castiel shot upright, fighting off the last tendrils of sleep as he did so. He gasped for breath, his lungs didn’t want to cooperate but he needed the air, he needed to breathe; a few tears escaped his weeping eyes and dripped down his face. He was shaking.

It had been awhile since he’d had a nightmare that bad. He had them multiple times a week, but normally he just woke up with a frown and a vague memory of an unpleasant dream.

Castiel wasn’t surprised this time was different.

He had a new person in his house - a familiar in his house. Of course his brain was trying to revolt. Castiel chuckled darkly. Of course he couldn’t even allow himself to be happy.

He closed his eyes for a moment, contemplating how likely it was he would be able to get some more sleep. Sometimes after the milder ones he would be able to get back to sleep and he wouldn’t be exhausted, however Castiel knew already this wouldn't be one of those times. He hoped, but the logical part of his brain already knew it wouldn't happen.

With a loud and dissatisfied sigh, Castiel dragged himself out of bed. He was still feeling shaken from his dream, and he could remember reading something about drinking hot chocolate helping with things like this. He had never tried it, but he was pretty desperate right now.

The kitchen light was on when Castiel walked in. For a moment Castiel wondered if he had forgotten to turn it off last night, but then he noticed the illuminated figure of Dean, hunched over the kitchen table with his own mug of something steaming in his hands, looking unhappy about being awake. He was back in his human form, but there was something in his eyes which made Castiel’s heart ache.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel murmured, grabbing a mug and drinking chocolate out the cupboard to make himself his own drink.

Dean didn’t reply with words, letting out something between a yip and a grumble, but Castiel managed to figure out the mood behind the noises. It was early, and Dean didn’t want to be awake.

“Nightmare?” Castiel continued, dropping down into the seat across from Dean and taking a sip from his still too hot drink.

Again Dean didn’t respond with anything more than noises, but this time his noise was clearly a ‘yes’, a small frown taking over his handsome face.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Dean clearly thought hard for a moment, taking a few sips from his drink before he eventually nodded, then shook his head, holding up three fingers. He would talk, he just wanted some time to finish his drink.

Castiel was okay with that. He wanted a bit of time to allow the hot chocolate to do its job before they talked about nightmares anyway.

Chapter Text

The three minutes passed quickly, despite the tense silence which hung between them. Castiel had expected it to feel like forever and a day, expected things to be difficult between them, but even with the tension, it was oddly comfortable as they both sat there, sipping steaming drinks, their feet occasionally brushing under the table and a few short bouts of eye contact.

“I had a nightmare about my past,” Dean said quietly. It came out of nowhere, a sudden break to the quiet, but Cas had been expecting it. He’d noticed when Dean had started shifting in place, when he had started rubbing at the back of his neck, when he had started taking deep, calming breaths. Castiel had seen it, and known that Dean was preparing himself to speak.

“The place you ran from?” Castiel asked, unsure whether all his problems from his past came from one place, or if Dean had more skeletons in the closet than Castiel had originally expected.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, a muscle in his jaw twitching from how tightly he was clenching his jaw, as though the very mention of that place was causing him physical pain, “that place.”

Castiel didn’t say anything more for a moment, allowing the silence of the night to wrap around them. He half expected Dean to start talking, break the silence, maybe offer up some more details, but Dean stayed silent, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched Castiel, his eyes echoing the look of someone used to spending most of their life in the quiet. Used to staying out of sight, out of mind, watching, learning, knowing.

They were the same in that way, both of them were used to living in the quiet, staying out of the way and using the dark, the silence, the anonymous life as a shield. But the difference was that Castiel’s silence was harmless, his quiet was his shield, protecting everyone else from the damage he knew his noise could bring.

Castiel squinted at his new friend, trying to solve the enigma which was Dean- oh. Castiel didn’t know Dean’s surname, actually now he thought about it, neither of them had given their surnames. They lived together now, worked together, sat together after both of them woke from nightmares, but they didn’t even know anything as simple as second names.

They were virtual strangers, yet Castiel felt he could trust Dean with more than he had ever trusted anyone with before.

“What-” Castiel started, only to actually think about what he was going to say and stopping, cutting himself off before the question could get any further than that. Dean had said his past was his own, and Castiel could respect that. If Dean ever wanted to tell him what happened, then he would. But he would do it in his own time. Castiel wasn’t ready to even start telling Dean what happened in his past, so it would be downright rude to expect any different from Dean.

“Do you have nightmares often?” Castiel asked instead, being careful to leave his body language open so Dean knew he didn’t have to answer, even if Castiel wanted him too.

A humourless laugh bubbled out of Dean’s throat, the empty sound causing a chill to prickle down Castiel's spine. He could instantly tell that Dean's answer was not going to be positive, and he hated it before it had even been verbalised. “Almost every night.” Dean’s voice was tired, as though even thinking about it was draining his energy away. He blinked a couple of times, as though he had suddenly realised something, before he quickly added, "it's not normally this bad. Normally I keep sleeping and just wake up the next morning with the memory that it happened."

“Is it always the same?” Castiel asked, figuring that it was an open enough question for it not to be seen as prying. He wanted to talk to Dean about this, he wanted to help, but he understood the need to keep the past hidden, to not share too many details. Dean was clearly lying about something, but Castiel figured that if Dean felt the need to lie about it, it would be best for him to not pry and ruin any trust between them.

“Pretty much. A few details change now and again,” Dean shrugged, a grimace appearing on his face, “ages, people involved, what they say, but the general gist of it is always accurate.”

Castiel nodded in understanding, wondering what question he should ask next when something in Dean’s choice of words made him freeze. He was probably reading too far into things, but there was something there, something which set of alarms in Castiel’s mind and made his thoughts spin.

“It’s a memory?” Castiel's voice was little more than a whisper, but he could tell that Dean had heard him. His hands tightened around his mug and he seemed to freeze up for a moment, his eyes going distant like he was reliving whatever memory was bad enough to give Dean nightmares every night.

"Yes." Dean's voice was cracked and broken, and Dean had to clear his throat a couple of times before he managed to get any more words out. "Yes, it's a memory of the reason I left."

Castiel frowned but didn’t ask for any details. Dean’s face was already starting to close off in anticipation of Castiel asking. Sure, he was curious and really did want to know what happened, but he also wanted Dean to trust him and he wanted Dean to be comfortable in his cabin, and the desire to have Dean happy was stronger than his curiosity.

“Alright,” he said, the word clearly startling Dean, “do you want any more hot chocolate? I’m going to make myself some more.” Dean had already talked about more than he had to, and it made sense for him to ask Cas next, and if that was going to happen then he needed more hot chocolate.

“Umm, yeah,” Dean stuttered, shock filling his every movement, “that would be nice thanks.”

Castiel smiled warmly, his body aching slightly as he stood up. The late hour and warm drink had started to soothe his body back to sleep, so it was not happy about the sudden movement. 

There was a comfortable quiet while Castiel grabbed the milk and heated it up, feeling rather frustrated when he had to use the stove rather than just waving his hand. However long he went with no magic, he never got used to it. The powder was added as soon as it was hot enough, and for the millionth time Castiel thanked the universe that he had Charlie willing to bring him necessities like hot chocolate powder.

“What about you?” Dean asked, just as Castiel finished pouring the hot chocolate into their mugs. Castiel just glanced back over in confusion, so he clarified, “what was your nightmare about?”

Castiel sighed, walking over and handing Dean his mug before he collapsed into his chair, a small amount of the steaming liquid sloshing onto the table. “My past, same as you I guess.”

“In what way?” Dean’s voice was hesitant, but still somehow determined, and Castiel knew that although Dean wouldn’t force him to answer, it was definitely common courtesy for him to match Dean. Keep them on even footing and all that.

“My nightmare,” Castiel sighed again, his voice was slightly strained, but he knew it wasn’t to be helped. It had happened years ago, but he still never talked about it. He’d told a few people, and Charlie knew - he wasn’t sure if he told her, or if she found out herself, knowing Charlie it could be either one - but he’d been in his cabin avoiding human interaction for years, and even before that he refused to talk about it. If people wanted to know, they would have to ask someone else who knew.

“My nightmare was about the event which led me to this,” Castiel tried again, this time actually managing to get the entire sentence out without grinding to a stop. When Dean just looked slightly confused, he gestured to the cabin around them, the large forest surrounding them, “all alone in a cabin in the middle of the woods with bound magic,” he clarified, staring at the four walls which protected him, while caging him in.

He was like a glamorous bird. The cage kept it safe, protected it against the dangers of the outside, but it was still a cage.

Except… Castiel wasn’t a glamorous bird. He wasn’t locked in a cage. He was sitting in one, the key was in his own hand and yet he still didn’t try to spread his wings. Instead he just crouched where he was, and wished someone would come and take the key from him. 

Dean grimaced in what was probably sympathy as he also looked round at the cabin, probably taking in all the aspects of Castiel’s life he could see just from one room. There weren't many personal possessions in the room, but that probably said a million times more than unlimited personal possessions would have. 

He lived in this house, had done for years, and yet he had nothing there to make it his own. This was his entire life, this cabin was all he went, and yet he had nothing to make it look lived in. There were empty dishes, and washing, and all kinds of signs of someone being there, but nothing to prove that the person there was living. Castiel chuckled under his breath. Was he really living? Did this count as a life?

Dean’s brow was furrowed in what was obviously thought, his fingers mindlessly fiddling with the hem of his shirt. It was obvious he had questions, and Castiel couldn’t blame him for that. You didn’t need to be a witch to figure out how unappealing Castiel’s situation was. Having a witch's magic bound was not a decision to be taken lightly, it left them as defenceless as a human, but still with the magical twang which always seemed to attract other magics, as well as trouble. Add on the fact that Castiel lived in isolation, in the middle of a forest, far away from any other humans and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that something bad had happened.

Something really bad.

Shockingly enough, Dean didn’t ask for details, which to be honest had been what Castiel was expecting. Instead the familiar frowned for a bit longer, thinking through his next words very carefully, before he slowly asked, “Is that why your magic is bound?” Castiel frowned, trying to remember what had last been said in the conversation. Before he could ask for clarification though, Dean continued, “the event which caused you to move out here? Was that what caused your magic to be bound?”

“The event was what caused my magic to be bound,” Castiel confirmed, the lack of details making it so much easier to talk about. Well, maybe it was mainly easier because it was Dean. It felt like he could say anything to Dean and he wouldn’t judge, but until he was ready for that, this detail lacking conversation worked. He was telling Dean about the biggest thing to ever happen to him, yet with no details Dean still knew nothing about it.

It was a weird feeling, but Castiel liked it. He liked the easy honesty they had between them, even if neither of them were ready to tell the full story.

“I moved out here for two reasons,” Castiel continued, creases appearing on his forehead as he thought back to that time, “it was a mixture of being unable to handle all the magic around when my own magic was bound, and needing to get away after everything that happened.”

Dean nodded in understanding, “We are both running,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically grave, “and somehow we both ended up running here.”

They both finished their hot chocolates with easy smiles, a weight off both their shoulders now that they had talked about their past, however little it actually added up to. They washed up their mugs side by side, elbows bumping and shoulders brushing. By the time the kitchen was clear Castiel was yawning again, and he was shocked to realise that he actually might fall back asleep after this.

He was just about to say goodnight when he noticed something in Dean’s expression. A weight settled in his gut when he realised what that look meant. Dean wanted to ask something, and he knew it wouldn’t be easy for Castiel to answer.

“Just ask it,” Castiel sighed, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “best get it over with, then we can both go back to sleep.” Dean flushed slightly, clearly embarrassed about being caught, but he didn’t try to say that he had nothing to say. He just squared his shoulder and asked, and for that Castiel had to respect him. Well, he already respected him, but he respected him even more for his guts. It wouldn’t have been fun if he shared a cabin with someone who was always afraid of making Castiel angry, he was glad to see that even if that was how Dean had acted at first, that wasn’t the real Dean.

“Who bound your magic?” Dean asked, his voice surprisingly even for how personal a question he was asking.

“Does it matter?” Castiel replied, his shoulders coming up to hunch around his ears. Dean clearly felt bad, if the way he rubbed at his neck was any clue, but he didn’t stop, even when he could see how uncomfortable the topic was.

“Yes, because there is a big difference between a random witch doing the ritual, and the head witch of America doing the ritual.”

Castiel thought it over, but eventually tilted his head in agreement. There was a big difference, and Castiel could tell that if the head witch had bound his magic, Dean would want to know. The head witch only got involved in very specific, very serious circumstances. That wasn’t the case here, but the point still stood.

“I did.” 

You could have heard a pin drop in the cabin, Castiel was standing still waiting for Dean’s reaction, while Dean seemed frozen in shock. Magic was a part of witches, part of their very being. No witch would choose to bind their magic, yet here was Castiel admitting that he had.

“Goodnight Dean,” Castiel sighed, turning around and starting to walk back to his room.

“Why?” Dean’s voice echoed down the hall, making him freeze in the doorway.

“My past is mine,” Castiel answered, echoing Dean’s words from when he first arrived, “and you don’t need to know any more about it.”

His footsteps sounded louder than normal as he walked back to his room, leaving a confused familiar in his kitchen, trying to figure out what could have happened which was that bad.

Chapter Text

The next morning arrived quickly, the morning sun shining through Castiel’s windows and waking him up. His head hurt from lack of sleep, and he was barely conscious, he had no idea what time it was, but it was too early, and the need for coffee was the only thing that dragged him out of his bed.

He walked into the kitchen with his eyes half shut, his vision tunnelled on the coffee machine, so it made sense that it took him a few moments to figure out what he was seeing.

Dean was in the kitchen chair, the same one he’d been in during the night, fast asleep with his head pillowed on his arm. Castiel knew it was possible that he had woken up early, and then had fallen asleep since coming into the kitchen, but Castiel somehow knew, just from looking at Dean, that it wasn’t the case. Dean had been there for a while, almost definitely since they had talked last night.

A small frown pulled at his features as Castiel walked over to turn the coffee machine on, wondering if he should wake Dean up or if he would be better just leaving him. The angle was surely going to hurt his neck, and probably his back as well, but then again if he fell asleep at the table then he probably needed the rest.

The decision was taken out of his hands moments later - which Castiel was insanely grateful for - as the coffee machine finished making him a mug of coffee and beeped loudly. The beep, mixed with the strong smell of coffee in the air, seemed to be enough to wake Dean up.

“Dean,” Castiel hissed, testing to see if the familiar was actually awake or just sleeping with his eyes open. Castiel wasn’t even sure if that was a thing Dean did or not, he didn’t really know much about Dean at all, but he was ready to find out.

“Hmm,” Dean mumbled, clearly not completely awake, but awake enough. “Can I smell coffee?” Castiel laughed at the familiar’s sudden wakefulness, grabbing the mug which was still in the coffee machine and handing it over, setting the machine to make a new mug for himself.

“Here you go,” Castiel smiled, careful to make sure Dean didn’t burn himself while he was still just about waking up. Dean had clearly already been through too much and Castiel was going to keep him safe from as much more harm as he possibly could, even if that included stupid things like extremely minor burns.

Dean grunted his thanks, slowly sipping his drink as he looked around Castiel’s kitchen. Castiel stayed silent, sensing that Dean had something he wanted to ask, though he was a little bit scared about what it was going to be. What if Dean wanted to know why he bound his own magic? Actually, now that Castiel thought about it, he really didn’t want to have to answer questions about anything they talked about last night. In the dark of night it had been fine, but now, in the light of day even thinking about it all seemed taboo.

"What do you have for breakfast?" Dean asked, still looking around. Castiel grinned, noticing now that Dean was looking at the cupboards. Apparently both of them had decided not to talk about last night, though honestly Castiel felt like he needed to ask whether Dean had gone to bed. If Dean was sleeping at the kitchen table, then Castiel wanted to know why.

"Normally I just have toast or cereal," Castiel said with a shrug, ignoring the fact that normally he either didn't wake up until lunch, or just skipped breakfast because he couldn't be bothered.

"Alright," Dean replied, taking another sip of coffee, "I can make us pancakes if you would like?"

Castiel grinned, "that would be amazing Dean," he said happily, his smile only growing when he heard Dean rumble as he stood up to grab the ingredients. Castiel had to point out where a few things were, but he didn't really notice, still thinking about Dean's rumble.

Dean had rumbled. Like a wolf. The mixing of characteristics only ever happened when familiars felt comfortable enough not to hide who they truly are and allow their full beings to show at all times. The very fact that after two days Dean felt safe, comfortable, enough to let some wolf characteristics through, Castiel couldn't be happier, and he couldn't even find it within himself to be worried about that.

Dean stood by the stove, cooking the pancake batter while Castiel stood what probably counted as too close next to him, just watching as he cooked. Dean made a lot of pancakes, more than Castiel ever expected they would be able to eat, but Dean seemed to think it was the right amount and Castiel would never judge Dean on how much he ate. Dean needed to eat more anyway, two days of food wouldn't be enough to make up for the amount of ribs Castiel had been able to count when he first turned up.

They didn't say much as the pancakes were plated up and eaten, Castiel took a stack of three and left Dean with all the rest, just made a bit of small talk and discussed life in the middle of the forest. Castiel explained a few things which weren't vital to survive, but which Dean would probably want to know, as well as a few things Castiel had picked up over the years. It was easy and both of them were smiling as they ate, Castiel's kitchen feeling more full than it had for years.

Once they finished eating they moved to the living room, both of them squishing onto the couch and sitting shoulder to shoulder, sharing soft smiles as they relaxed back, a book each opened on their laps. There were two empty armchairs they could have sat in, but neither of them moved, happy to be in each other's space.

"Hey Cas?" Dean said, what was probably ten minutes later. This time Castiel did pick up on the nickname, and he wondered if he should mention it, but he had to admit he quite liked it and was scared that if he brought it up Dean wouldn't use it again. It was best to just pretend he didn't notice.

"Yes," he murmured, putting his bookmark into his book so that he could give Dean his full attention.

"Where is the nearest town?" Dean sounded a little bit nervous as he asked, rubbing the back of his neck again. "I didn't pass any on my way here, but there are a few things I really need to buy. I'll find a way to pay you back I-"

"It's okay," Castiel cut in before Dean could work himself into a panic, "you don't have to pay me back," he saw Dean open his mouth to argue, so Castiel quickly added, "you can find some other way to refund me, but you don't need to pay me with money." Dean seemed to relax after that, happy to not be getting Castiel’s charity, and working for what he was getting instead. Castiel was already thinking over what Dean could do, a few basic tasks which wouldn't be too hard but would be enough for Dean to think it was fair. "The nearest town is about a forty minute drive from here," he explained, trying to remember if that was right. It had been years since he had made the drive himself, but it was about forty minutes from his house to where Charlie lived, she lived on the edge of town but he doubted it would be big enough to need any extra time added on to get to the town center.

“What!” Dean practically yelled, sitting upright, his eyes wide, “it’s that close?” They were still pressed together, and Castiel could feel tiny shakes running through the familiar’s body, hopefully from adrenalin and not fear or anything like that. Castiel had no idea why anyone would be scared about their topic choice, Dean asked where the town was, and ignoring the fact that Castiel was living all alone when he could live in a town, there wasn’t anything weird going on with how close the town was. Maybe Castiel’s living situation could be seen as a bit murdery, but Dean knew him now, and he believed he had managed to get his intentions across pretty well.

Castiel frowned at his new friend, shifting slightly so their knees were pressed together, hoping that the extra contact would help calm him down. “It’s only a small town, two thousand people or so, they have a weekly market, or at least they did last time I visited.”

“You don’t go there often?” Dean asked, a hint of sadness in his eyes as he looked around the living room, just like Charlie had mere days ago.

“No.” Castiel’s voice was hesitant as he also looked round the room, trying to see what the familiars seemed to be seeing, but just like all the other times he didn’t find anything. This was his house, his cabin, what were they seeing that always made them look so sad?

“Do you have a car?” Dean asked, breaking the silence which had settled over both of them while they had been looking around the room. Castiel didn’t quite know why his car or lack of car mattered, but Dean wanted to know, and Castiel trusted Dean to not ask useless questions.

“Yes I do,” he said, “it’s at the end of the drive,” he gestured out the window to where they could just about see the top of the drive. It was on the other side of the cabin than where Dean had been running, and Castiel assumed he’d been too busy running through the woods to have a look at the what was surrounding Castiel’s cabin, especially seeing as his car was under a tarp to stop it from getting too weathered.

“Really?” Dean sounded really excited, like he hadn’t actually been expecting Castiel to say that he had one. Suddenly though, his face fell and the sadness from before reappeared in his eyes. “Then why don’t you go out more often?”

Castiel frowned for a moment, trying to figure out how he could explain to Dean his reasoning without just sounding insane. “I moved out here to avoid people,” he said hesitantly, picking at his fingers as he thought through his own thoughts. He knew that they were his own, but that didn’t change anything. He didn’t know how his own brain worked or anything. “I have a friend who brings me anything I can’t get myself from the woods,” he shrugged then, “I haven’t really had any reasons to make the drive."

Dean looked even sadder, leaning a bit more of his weight against Castiel like he expected him to need the extra support. He didn't, but it meant a lot anyway.

"When was the last time you drove that car?"

"I honestly don't know," Castiel laughed quietly, "I've had it since I moved into the cabin, so less than seven years, but since then I've probably only used it once or twice in that time. I'm a little bit out of touch with the rest of the world."

If Dean was surprised by how long Cas had been in the cabin for, he didn’t show it, instead focusing straight onto the car.

"Does it even still work?" Dean asked, his eyes wide. He was still shaking, but this time it was more excitement than fear. Castiel wondered if he should ask why Dean had been scared in the first place, but it didn't seem important anymore. The time had passed, now it was time to focus on everything else.  

Castiel shrugged. "I have no idea, I've never had to find out."

Dean is definitely shaking with excitement now. "Can I check it out? As long as it just needs basic maintenance I'll be able to fix it."

"You know how to fix cars?" Castiel asked, smiling when he saw how Dean's eyes lit up.

"Yeah I used to do it all the time! I'm not as in practice as I used to be, but I should remember enough!"

The 'should' was putting Castiel a little bit on edge, but Dean looked so excited that he couldn't bear to say anything. He would just have to make sure to keep an eye on him and keep the first aid kit well stocked.

If this was something Dean cared about, then Castiel was happy to let him choose what he thought was safe or unsafe, and Castiel would only step in if he got too worried.

Chapter Text

It turned out that Castiel had no reasons to have worried. Dean was better at fixing cars than Castiel had expected, and except from one frightening instance including an oil top up and - somehow - some smoke, nothing went wrong. Within a couple of hours Castiel’s car was running smoother than he had ever known it to, Dean was covered in dirt, and Castiel’s face hurt from smiling so much.

“Alright,” Dean said, stepping away from the car and wiping his oil covered hands on a cloth Cas had given him. Cas did his best to ignore how his muscles rippled as he did so, and after the last few hours of doing the same thing while Dean was actually doing physical work, it actually wasn’t too hard. It was a lot easier than before anyway. “Give me some time to get a shower, and then we can head into town!” Dean’s voice got more and more excited the more he said, and he practically squealed when he finished. Castiel couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to Dean that he was this excited about a visit to town, but then again by now everything made Castiel wonder what happened to Dean before Castiel found him.

“Why are you so excited?” Castiel asked, unable to stop himself. He made sure to make his tone light and teasing, so that Dean would take it as a joke, rather than Castiel prying like it probably actually counted as.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve visited anywhere,” Dean answered, apparently deciding he could share this with Castiel. “I want to see if it’s still the same.”

Castiel nodded along, he also wanted to see if it was still the same as the last time he had been out there, it was just- the difference between Castiel and Dean, was that Castiel had been avoiding the town for a reason, his urge to lock himself away outweighed his curiosity and that was that, he didn’t visit. Dean on the other hand clearly had no such reservations, he hadn’t visited a town not because he didn’t want to,  but for some other reason, and the only other reason that Castiel could think of was that he wasn’t allowed.

But then again, why wouldn't he have been allowed?

“How long has it been since you last visited a town?” Castiel asked, watching as Dean put the cloth in the tool box and started carrying it back to the shed-like structure where Castiel kept anything he didn’t want in his cabin. 

“A while,” Dean answered vaguely, his tone making it clear that he wasn’t answering because he didn’t know, not because he didn’t want to. “What year is it now?” Apparently he had been even more isolated than Castiel was, because even if he never left the woods, even Castiel knew the year. He barely knew the month, and he never knew the exact date unless he looked or unless he was arranging deliveries with Charlie, but at least he was always aware of the year.

“2021,” Castiel said, squinting at the familiar carefully, not wanting to miss a single emotion that flashed through his eyes. That was something Castiel had noticed about Dean, his emotions were written out plain as day in his eyes, even when the rest of his body gave nothing away.

Shock was the first emotion in Dean’s eyes, sadness and anger followed shortly after, along with an unreadable emotion, the only word Cas could think of for it was emptiness. Dean’s eyes just went empty, like he had grabbed all his emotions and pushed them back and bottled them away.

“It’s been that long huh,” Dean whispered under his breath, and Castiel got the feeling he was talking to himself more than he was talking to Castiel. “I last visited a town three years ago,” Dean said, this time definitely speaking to Castiel. It was a long time, but something in Dean’s tone, or maybe it was the emptiness in his eyes, or maybe it was the sad smile on Dean’s face, but something told Castiel that it had been even longer since Dean had been free.

He didn’t know what Dwan had needed to be free from, but all Castiel could hope was that Dean was now as free as he seemed to be.

“It will be a learning experience for both of us.” Castiel hoped his tone wasn’t as sad as he felt, he wanted to go back to the easy companionship that had been around before, and he couldn’t do that if Dean knew how sad this was making him. He plastered a fake smile on his face, hoping that fake-it-till-you-make-it worked in this context.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s been a while for both of us,” Castiel shrugged, starting to walk back to the cabin, intent on grabbing some bags for them to use, and anything else they might need for a trip to town. “We can both be clueless together.”

He couldn’t see Dean, but he could hear the smile in his voice when he replied, “sounds good, I’m glad to know I won’t look insane alone.”

Castiel couldn’t help but feel like he would happily look insane if it would make Dean feel better, but he didn’t say anything, sensing that it would probably make things weird between them, which after the heavy emotions just a few minutes before, he really didn’t want.

“Cas, we do not need sunscreen!” Dean said for what was probably the ninetieth time, his voice taking on even more of a whiney edge to it every time he tried to convince Castiel to put some of the items he wanted to bring away.

“It’s summer,” Castiel tried to reason, too busy arguing his point to pick up on the nickname. He hated sunburn, but more than that he didn’t want Dean to get burnt. He wanted to protect Dean, and for now that meant protecting him from the UV rays. “What if we start getting burnt?”

“It’s not that warm!” Dean replied, sighing loudly. Castiel didn’t blink, but could tell that Dean was enjoying this argument more than was really called for. Maybe he just really liked the fact neither one of them had an advantage, and there were no negatives if you lost?

“It doesn’t have to be warm for us to burn!”

Dean sighed even louder than before, and just from that sound Castiel knew he had won. “Okay what about this,” Dean tried “what if we put on some sunscreen now, and then we don’t have to bring it with us.”

Castiel thought for a moment, a small smile breaking across his face. That was always the best way to solve arguments, compromising so that everyone was happy. “That works,” Castiel grinned, grabbing the sunscreen from his bag and handing it to Dean.

“Perfect,” Dean grinned, “Now, you do not need to bring a spare pair of socks.”

It took them another ten minutes before Dean was happy with the amount Castiel was bringing for a quick trip to town. Castiel knew he had more than they needed, but he couldn’t help but feel anxious. It had been seven years since he had last visited the town, he had no idea how it might have changed in that time, and he hated feeling unprepared.

They had decided that Dean would drive, he assured Castiel that he had driven recently, and his licence was up to date, and seeing as Castiel could barely remember the last time he drove, Dean was definitely the most qualified.

And so Castiel sat in the shotgun seat, drawing closer to town by the second, while Dean blared the radio which was on a classic rock channel. Castiel leaned forwards, planning on turning the music down before it gave both of them headaches, but before he could even touch the dial a hand shot out and wanked his hand away.

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole,”Dean snapped, the way the words rolled off his tongue sounding easy, like it was familiar to him.

Castiel sighed, but obediently didn’t try to fiddle with the radio again, even if it was more because he didn’t want Dean to be distracted and crash the car, rather than because he respected the rule. “Could you at least turn it down?” Castiel asked, imagining if he would be able to just turn it down a bit, without touching it, almost by ma- no. He wasn’t a teenage girl, he didn’t have magic, and he didn’t want it either.

“Sure,” Dean said, and Castiel could see him glance over a couple of times, what looked like concern in his eyes. Why would Dean be concerned about him? He just had a headache. It wasn’t like it was anything worth worrying about. 

No one said anything more, so Castiel happily lent his head against the window, closing his eyes and just feeling the vibrations run through him. He couldn’t tell if he was happy to be going to town or not. Maybe he was indifferent? This didn’t feel like indifference. It felt like he cared so much about what he would find, that he was forcing himself to not feel it, or else he would drown.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked after a few minutes, the music turning down even lower, practically a whisper compared to its original volume. “You look- I don’t know, not like you normally do.”

Castiel huffed quietly, “Yeah, I feel like that as well.”

Dean glanced over again, taking his eyes off the road for long enough to focus on Castiel before he looked away again, his eyes flickering between emotions too quickly for Castiel to translate them. “Do you know why you feel like that?” His tone was hesitant, like he was scared that Castiel was going to answer ‘you’ and try to throw him out as soon as they got to town.

“Nothing bad,” Castiel shrugged, “I’ve just had a routine for so long, having it change has made me feel weird. It’s probably good anyway, routines aren’t always a good thing.”

Dean hummed quietly in what Castiel assumed was agreement, "yeah, I can see that would be true. You'd get too comfortable, too complacent with your life, and even when it needed changing, you wouldn't change it."

Castiel frowned, Dean's words were not as theoretical as they were phrased. They were spoken with a knowledge, with a meaning, one which far outshined theory. Dean knew what it was like to get too comfortable with a routine, and from the sound of it, he knew how difficult it was to escape as well.

The music was turned back up, the conversation clearly finished as Castiel turned back to look out the window and Dean continued driving, both of them lost in thought.

It was only a few more moments before they arrived at the outskirts of town, despite how long it had been since he last visited, Castiel still remembered the way around, and from what he could already see the basic layout of it was still the same. He directed Dean to where he remembered the best place to park being, and although there was the odd housing estate which hadn't been there before, they managed to find the place and park without any major incidents and without getting lost too severely.

They climbed out at the same time, not saying anything but both just wanting to take in the feel of the town. Both of them just stood outside the car for a moment without moving.

It was so much louder than in Castiel's cabin, the air was heavier, and there was something going on in every direction. It wasn't a big town, nor a busy one, but compared to the middle of the woods it was teeming with life and movement, sounds and smells and the kind of energy you could only get when there were lots of people all together.

It was one of the only things he missed when he moved away, the sense of community which filled everything. The sense of belonging that you couldn't get anywhere else.

Chapter Text

Castiel smiled happily as he walked down the high-street, Dean right next to him, their shoulders pressed together. To any random passer-by they might have looked weird, the wonder and joy plastered all over their faces, and the way they were walking so close together, taking solace in each other, but Castiel wasn’t bothered about that. Neither of them had been to a town - even a tiny one like this one - for years, and everyone knew there was strength in numbers and if they could get strength from the other, then both of them would find the whole visit a lot more fun.

They had barely walked 100 metres from the car when the first person called out to them. Well, not to them. They called out to Castiel, a bright smile on their face even as their eyes widened in shock.

“Castiel!” they shouted, looking left and right before running across the road to where Dean and Castiel were standing. As they got closer Castiel’s own eyes widened in shock, suddenly recognising his neighbour from when he was little, Hannah, a friendly bird familiar. They had spent their entire childhood living next door to each other, and despite their age gap - Hannah was three years older than Castiel and had been closer in age to one of Castiel’s brothers than him - they had got along pretty well, and their parents had been best friends so they spent plenty of weekends at each other's houses. He hadn’t seen them since he had moved away, and had honestly not expected to see them here.

“Hannah,” he greeted them with a pleased smile, “It’s nice to see you again.” He could see Dean out of the corner of his eye, looking between Hannah and Castiel in confusion, an unreadable emotion in his eyes which only seemed to harden when he turned his gaze to solely rest on Hannah. Castiel had no idea what was going on, but he got the oddest feeling that Dean wasn’t the biggest fan of Hannah. Maybe it was some kind of instinctual wolf-bird thing? Then again Castiel had never heard about wolves and birds having problems with each other. Cats and dogs sure, birds and wolves not so much. 

“Nice to see you too,” Hannah grinned, “I didn’t expect to see you again, especially after what happened with-” they cut themself off, shaking their head with sadness in their eyes, “anyway, how have you been?”

Castiel smiled slightly sadly, trying to shake the sadness away. “I’ve been,” he sighed, trying to figure out how to phrase it properly, “I’ve been okay,” he shrugged wordlessly, “what about you? How are you doing?”

Hannah looked slightly concerned, he didn’t blame them, he would be worried about someone as well if he didn’t see someone for seven years, and then they said they were ‘okay’ with no more details. “I’ve been doing good thank you,” they grinned, “I found myself a witch.” Castiel must have been imagining it when he thought he saw Dean relax at those words. There was no reason for that to have been actually what happened.

“That’s amazing Hannah,” Castiel smiled happily, “do I know them?” He tried to remember which witches had been living here when he had left, but he couldn’t think of anyone who would have a connection with Hannah.

“No, I don’t think so. He moved to town a few years after you left,” they shrugged, but a glint appeared in their eye and Castiel knew he was done for. That was the look they had got when they were up to mischief. “Enough about me, who’s this, Castiel?” they asked, looking Dean up and down, and Castiel could tell that they thought Dean was his familiar.

“Dean,” Dean introduced himself, not giving any more information than his first name. Castiel didn’t blame him, clearly he was running - he wouldn’t want to let anyone know where he was - but more than that he didn’t know that they could trust Hannah. Obviously Castiel trusted them, but this was the first Dean knew of them even existing, and clearly Dean had at least slight problems with trusting new people.

“He’s staying with me for a while,” Castiel added on with a small grin, “we are here to buy him some things actually.” Hannah clearly frowned at that, the meaning under the words clear. No one randomly started staying in a cabin in the middle of the woods because everything in their life was perfect.

“So you’re not planning to bond?”

Dean instantly bristled, but Castiel knew Hannah meant no harm. They weren’t assuming that they would bond just because they were witch and familiar, they just knew why Castiel avoided familiar’s, and would obviously assume that seeing Castiel with a familiar probably meant whoever they were was something special.

“No we are not. It’s nothing like that, we are just roommates,” he explained, glancing over at Dean and frowning at the way his hands were balled into fists, his nails surely hurting his palm. “My magic is still bound anyway.” he added it on like an afterthought, even though the message in his words was mainly for Hannah. Nothing had changed, he still wasn’t past it.

“Alright, well I should probably let you go,” Hannah said with a small smile, “you know where to find me if you are ever back in town, I still live where I did back then, my door is always open to you.” 

Castiel smiled happily back at them. “Thank you, I will remember that.” He waved to them as they crossed back over the road, turning and walking back in the direction they had been going in originally, Dean pressed even closer against him than before for some reason.

“She seemed nice,” Dean muttered a few minutes later, an odd tone in his voice, like he didn’t actually believe what he was saying? Castiel couldn’t figure it out. He winced at the pronouns, it had been so long since he had heard anyone misgender Hannah, and although he knew Dean didn’t mean to, he couldn’t help but remember all the people who had.

“They are nice,” Castiel replied, watching as Dean registered what Castiel had said, and what it meant.

“Sorry,” Dean said quietly, and Castiel could tell that he really meant it. “How long have you known them?”

“Most of my life, we lived next door to each other when we were younger. I’m glad they managed to get a witch, they were always worried no one would want them.”

Dean nodded, humming thoughtfully, like he could completely understand how Hannah felt. The realisation that he probably did made Castiel’s entire brain log off. Most familiars didn’t really worry about stuff like that, or Castiel didn’t think they did. To be honest, he didn’t know. He wasn't a familiar after all… However most of the familiars he knew had never worried about all that, but Hannah had always worried that any future witches wouldn’t want them due to their pronouns, or they would try to fix them, or something like that. Obviously Dean didn’t have to worry about those parts, but he was scarred, and clearly his real personality didn’t line up to how he had thought familiars should act when he first arrived at Castiel’s, so it made sense he would worry no one would want him, no matter how stupid the entire notion was. Familiars didn’t need witches, but even if they did, Dean was such an amazing person, Castiel was sure witches would line up for days to have a chance to be his witch.

Castiel refused to believe that was just him. Obviously everyone would do that. Dean was just… he was Dean. It couldn’t be just Castiel who saw that for what it was.

“I’m glad they have someone too,” Dean said, his expression a lot more friendly than it had been when he first saw Hannah. Maybe he was warming up to them? “They seem nice.” Dean was silent for a moment, Castiel could tell that there was more he wanted to say, but he could also tell Dean wasn’t going to say it. There was an odd tension in the air, but Castiel knew it would go away if they just ignored it, and he got the feeling it was one of those tensions where he didn’t want to know what was causing it.

No one else approached them while they went to the first shop, though a few people said hello, remembering Castiel from before he left, and excited to see him again. Castiel wasn’t shocked, no one had hated him when he left either, it was just weird. He had spent the last seven years isolating himself to keep everyone else safe, and here were so many other people acting like he had never done anything wrong. A few looked at him in pity, and he knew they were thinking about the same thing he was, but no one looked disgusted, or like they blamed him.

They must have spent twenty minutes in the small clothes shop the town had, buying Dean enough clothes so that they wouldn’t have to constantly do the laundry. Castiel also made sure that they bought everything Dean would need, from garden clothes, to comfy ones for lazy days, even if Dean tried to argue that he only needed one outfit. What if he got caught in the rain? Or got muddy while gardening? Point remained, Dean needed more than one outfit. Dean argued that he didn’t need that many clothes, but Castiel refused to take no for an answer. It wasn’t excessive, no matter what Dean said.

“I don’t need this many clothes,” Dean said again, looking warily at the bags both of them were carrying out the shop, but Castiel could tell from his tone that by now he was only saying it because he refused to let Castiel know he had won.

“Well we have bought them, so I guess you will just have to survive with more than one outfit,” Castiel sighed, the small grin on his face ruining any facade of annoyance. This shopping trip had actually told Castiel more about Dean than he had ever expected. Namely, when Dean didn’t think he deserved something, he would fight against it. Pretending he hated it, or at the very least didn’t want it. But if Dean looked like he wanted something, and if his wolf attributes started showing through more, then even if he said he hated it, it really meant he wanted it and Castiel just had to push a tiny bit. If Dean continued saying he hated it, then fine, back off, but if he started giving in then he had to keep going.

Dean was too stubborn for something as little as a small push from Castiel to change his opinion, so if it did then it just meant that it had been his opinion the entire time.

“Yeah, I guess I wi-” Dean was cut off suddenly by a quiet ‘oof’ as he fell to the floor, the person he had walked into also falling down and looking very confused over how he ended up on the floor. Castiel gasped in shock when he saw who was sprawled in front of him, but before he would say anything, greet him, he heard a ragged gasp from his side.

Castiel spun around, not sure what he was expecting to see. His heart hurt when he saw Dean, his eyes wide as he stared at the fallen witch as though he was going to hurt him.

“It’s okay Dean,” Castiel muttered quietly as he crouched down next to the familiar. “It’s okay, you’re safe, you’re okay,” he kept muttering pointless words which he hoped would calm Dean down.

It took a few minutes, in which time the other witch stood up, but didn’t move away, clearly recognising Castiel, but knowing better than to approach quite yet, but soon enough Dean’s breathing was evening out, and Castiel was able to pull him back to standing.

“I’m sorry,” Dean muttered to the other witch, staring at the floor, before he shuffled behind Castiel. Castiel didn’t mention it, just reached out to gently rub his arm, hoping that the touch would help ground him, or at least help him feel slightly more safe.

“No problem Cher,” Benny said, his voice kind, and a gentle smile on his face. Benny always was amazing at being gentle, despite his large size. “Now if it isn’t Castiel, nice to see you again, Brother.”

“Nice to see you again too, Benny,” Castiel grinned, about to go in for a hug when he remembered Dean behind him. It was a small thing, but he didn’t want to leave Dean so open when clearly he needed the support. “It’s been a while.”

“This is your brother?” Dean asked, his voice little more than a whisper and definitely too quiet for Benny to hear.

Castiel laughed quietly, unable to hold his mirth back. “No, he’s just my friend, he calls all his friends brother.” There is a quiet ‘oooh’ behind him, which just made Castiel’s grin grow.

“I would love to stay and catch up, but I need to get back to the restaurant before the lunch rush.” Benny smiled at Castiel, nodded at Dean who was just behind him, and then turned around, “We will have to meet up next time you are around.”

“Yeah,” Castiel muttered, though he wasn’t actually planning to return to town any time soon. This was a one off, no matter how nice it was.

“I thought you were the exception,” Dean whispered as Castiel turned back around, his eyes wide with shock and what looked like hope.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked gently, slowly starting to continue their walk to the shop they had been heading to before bumping into Benny. Dean still needed a few things other than clothes.

“He was a witch, but he was polite.”

“Yeah, Benny is a good man… I don’t understand what you mean here though.”

“I thought all witches were like the ones I knew before you, I thought you were the exception, but Benny was nice too, and you didn’t know what I meant, so I guess that means that all the witches you know are nice.” Dean’s voice was wobbling, his eyes starting to get glassey with tears.

The words in Castiel’s throat dried up, his heart aching. Dean had expected all witches to be horrible. He believed the vast majority of witches were the exception, because whoever he had known before were so much worse.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, even though he knew he couldn’t have done anything to help Dean, all he could do was make sure his future was better.

And he would.

No matter what, Dean would have a bright future, if it was the last thing Castiel did.

Chapter Text

By the time they made it back to the car they were both weighed down with bags and laughing quietly, the air between them relaxed and happy. They had survived the trip to town, and although neither of them said anything, the fact they had both managed it without any particularly bad breakdowns was like a massive weight off their backs. Castiel was definitely not planning to make this a regular thing, but the fact that if he needed to, or if Dean needed to, they could go to town without having to worry too much again was definitely reassuring.

And hey, baby steps. They managed this, and now they would go back home and they would have the time to relax and take refuge in the quiet of the woods, and maybe in the future they would be ready for wherever the step above this one was. 

Castiel froze. He was imagining a future for Dean and him all over again. He was imagining that Dean was going to stick around for the foreseeable future, and they would work toward the next step together.

But that wasn't certain. In three weeks Dean could decide that he was happier alone, or safer alone, or maybe he would just find somewhere better to go. And then he would leave. And the worst thing was it could happen at any time.

Years from now.

Months.

Weeks.

Days.

Hours.

For all Castiel knew they could arrive back home and Dean would grab his new stuff and disappear back into the woods. Castiel wouldn’t stop him, he wouldn’t even think about trying to stop him from doing anything he really wanted to do.

But it would hurt.

He wasn’t sure he would even survive it. Dean had only been in his life a couple of days, but he had already changed so much, improved so much. Before Castiel had been walking around in a haze, and sure, now he walked around with his magic aching in his chest, and sure his perfectly ordered life had been turned upside down and everything he had got used to over the last few years had been upended.

But was that really a bad thing?

His brain wasn’t sure, but his heart said it wasn’t a bad thing in the slightest, and hey, what was the worst thing that could happen? He’d run away into the woods and isolate himself for seven years?

Been there, done that, hit rock bottom, maybe it really was time to start climbing again.

“You alright?” Dean asked from the driver's seat, clutching the steering wheel in a tight grip, just bordering on white knuckled. It almost looked like he was trying to avoid reaching out for something, or maybe even someone, but Castiel quickly shook that thought away. He had no idea why his brain was being so weird (that was a lie. He knew exactly what was going on, he just refused to accept it) but it was annoying him. He needed to calm down, stop thinking about Dean so weirdly, and just focus on answering Dean’s question before he got worried and distracted and crashed them.

It would be ironic as hell for them both to survive the trip to town they had been dreading, only for them to die in a car accident on the way home.

“I’m fine,” Castiel assured the familiar, “just thinking about some things.”

“Want to talk about it?” It really was a testament to how much of an awesome guy Dean was, that Castiel could hear in his voice that talking about this kind of stuff made him uncomfortable, yet he was still offering. He still wanted to help.

“I’d rather not,” Castiel said, simultaneously letting Dean off the hook and saving himself from tempting fate. He could just tell that if he tried to talk about this, it would end up with Dean getting scared of Castiel trying to keep him in the cabin against his will.

Castiel would never even think of doing anything like that, but Dean might not be so sure.

“Alright, well…” Dean stopped for a moment, obviously thinking his words over in his head before he said them. Castiel wondered what he was thinking about, what he was weighing up in his words, what pros and cons he was coming up with. “If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”

‘Yeah, until you go’ Castiel’s brain helpfully added on, reminding him once again that there was nothing permanent about this. Dean didn’t want to be his familiar, and it was most likely that one day - Catiel was not going to fall back in the rabbit hole of wondering when - Dean would leave, and then he wouldn't know where to find him. He wouldn’t be able to go and talk about his problems, because it would no longer be ‘when will you go’ it will be ‘you are gone’ and he refused to be one of those witches who guilt tripped familiars into bonding with them.

He refused.

“Yes, thank you Dean,” he said instead of the many thoughts swirling through his mind, “the same goes to you if you ever need to talk.” He could tell that his tone was stiffer than usual, but he couldn’t do anything about it. What was he meant to do? He barely knew how to act with other humans nowadays, never mind how to pretend everything was fine. He had never been good at lying, and hiding your feelings is just another form of lying, even if it is lying by omission.

“Sure thing,” Dean mumbled, but Castiel could tell that Dean had picked up on his mood, and from the sound of it, it had thrown him. He was probably wondering what he had done wrong, even though it was nothing to do with him. Even though the only thing that had done wrong was Castiel’s inability to not get attached.

The rest of the drive was spent in silence and Castiel knew it was his own fault. He cursed himself for ruining the positive atmosphere they’d had going, and praised himself that as soon as he could he would fix things.

They arrived back at the cabin just as the sun was starting to drop low on the horizon, not quite low enough to be counted as sunset, but not high enough to be confused for earlier in the day. The light bathed the entire clearing in golden rays, the shadows of trees jutting into the space where they had blocked the light. Dean shut the engine off and they both just sat there for a moment, listening to the evening bird chorus while the car cooled. They watched the silence of the outside world, Castiel pushing his door open so they could both breathe in large lungfuls of clean, light, cool air, infused with the scent of damp earth and tree. Castiel hadn’t realised how stressful the trip had been, even if they did both survive in one piece, until now, breathing in the familiar air which had become his shield over the last seven years.

“Come on then,” Castiel eventually said, climbing out of the car and walking back to his cabin. He didn’t need to look over his shoulder to make sure Dean was following. He could hear his footsteps, feel his warmth, sense his magic. It was like every single one of his senses were carefully attuned to Dean, every part of his being aware of where Dean was, what he was doing, even how he was feeling - even though he couldn’t actually feel that, it was like his being was trying to. It wouldn’t be possible without a bond, but that didn’t stop his bound magic from trying to reach out and find out whether Dean was okay, even if it would be temporary.

It was agony.

It was bliss.

It was everything Castiel had been avoiding.

It was everything Castiel had ever wanted.

“Will you be able to make dinner?” Dean asked, his voice meek like even after everything that had happened and everything Castiel had told him, he still expected to be told off for asking for what he wanted. “I really enjoyed going into town,” Dean started explaining after Castiel took a second too long to answer, “but I’m really feeling the need to shift and go for a run,” Dean curled his shoulders inwards, making himself smaller. Clearly he thought Castiel was going to judge him, be angry at him, for needing to keep his animal and his human sides in balance.

Honestly, Castiel thought it made perfect sense and was angry at himself for not realising Dean would want to do this straight away, and leaving him to have to ask instead.

“That’s fine,” Castiel said, making sure to keep his expression open and harmless, “do you know how long you’ll be? Just so I know when to get the food ready for.”

“You don’t need-” Dean started saying, but a raised eyebrow from Castiel stopped him in his tracks. Dean was his equal here, and Castiel was not going to let him continue to think he needed to make himself as unobtrusive as possible. “A couple of hours probably,” Dean relented quietly, “just enough time to reconnect with nature.”

Castiel nodded, a pleased smile on his face. “Okay then, I'll see you then.”

Castiel hummed quietly to himself as he stirred the sauce which was just starting to simmer nicely. He was making spaghetti and meatballs and most of it was done, he just needed to heat up the sauce, drain the spaghetti, and set the table. Dean wasn’t back yet, but he assumed he’d be back soon, especially seeing as it had been two and a half hours since he had left and no Castiel wasn’t counting.

He just needed to be aware so that he knew when the food was going to be ready…

He couldn’t even lie to himself very well, he was literally a lost cause.

The sound of light footsteps, barely audible over the gentle wind from outside, reached Castiel’s ears. He instantly knew it was Dean, and from the sound of it he hadn’t shifted back yet.

That was fine.

“Hello Dean,” he said with a grin as he started draining the spaghetti, the door swinging open enough of a clue that his furred friend was back, “did you enjoy your run?”

There was the feeling of magic in the air, Castiel’s chest ached just a little bit more, and then everything went still again. “Yes thank you,” Dean’s slightly out of breath voice said from behind him, human once more, “I feel much better now,” he grinned widely, walking forwards to stir the sauce, “thanks for letting me go.”

Castiel frowned, sadness weighing down his chest. “You’re welcome Dean,” he said, trying to put fake joy in his tone, “but I’ve already told you, you don’t need my permission to do anything. If you want to run, you can run.”

“But it’s one of my jobs to help you cook.”

“The jobs are flexible, you know that. I am perfectly happy cooking on my own, especially seeing as you needed that run.” Castiel watched as Dean’s face fell, like he had said something wrong.

“Yeah, that’s great,” Dean muttered, but his voice was hollow and small, “anything you do need me to do around here?”

Castiel frowned, squinting at Dean like he might be able to see right through him and understand what was going on. “Dean?”

“It’s okay, I know I’m annoying. I can find a job out of your way if you’d like? I could check on the garden?”

Before Castiel even realised he was moving, he was standing in front of Dean, holding tightly onto his forearms. “Dean, you’re not annoying. I like having you here, but that doesn’t mean you should endanger your balance just so you can help.”

“Oh,” Dean said quietly, and Castiel got the impression that Dean had never felt wanted before, or at least not for a long while. He hated it, but promised himself that he would make sure that for as long as Dean was with him, he would never feel unwanted.

Chapter Text

The meal was easy, normal, Dean slurped up the pieces of spaghetti and Castiel laughed when he covered himself with tomato sauce. Dean laughed back when Castiel tried to cut a meatball only for it to skid across the table. They both laughed when Castiel picked up a dry strand of spaghetti and wore it like a worm-stache. Castiel found himself relaxing into it, counting it as his new regular. 

He used to think that normal was being alone, that it was better, and if he had a guest over - by which he meant if Charlie had come over to drop some food off and then hadn’t left straight away - then that was the odd situation, the one he wasn't used to. Now though, despite only having Dean’s presence for a couple of days, the thought of eating alone, reading alone, gardening alone, being alone, was the weird one. He was used to hearing the extra set of footsteps, of breaths, of pages turning and the magic which filled the room whenever Dean shifted.

It was dangerous, getting so used to not being alone, but Castiel couldn’t fully find it within himself to care. How could he, when not being alone was so enjoyable?

Dean did the washing up after they finished eating, claiming that if Castiel had to cook on his own, then Dean would do the washing, though he didn’t complain when Castiel insisted on doing the drying up either. And he definitely didn't complain when Castiel spent the entire time talking to him, and doing his best to make Dean laugh.

“Thank you Dean,” Cas smiled as Dean dried his hands on the tea towel which Castiel was still holding, everything from their supper washed up and put away. Everything was so much more enjoyable when you weren’t alone, to an extent Castiel could have never imagined even just a week ago. He was going to miss this, if Dean ever decided to leave. “I am going into the other room to read, but you are free to do whatever you want to.”

Dean nodded, a thoughtful look in his eye which made Castiel wait to see what he had to say. It looked like he was trying to make a decision, and Castiel didn’t want to have any part in forcing his hand, and he had the feeling that walking away would probably translate to something it wasn’t in Dean’s mind.

It was probably about a minute later that Dean spoke up again, his words quiet as he stared at the floor, like he expected Castiel to tell him he couldn't do whatever he decided. “Could I look around the cabin? There are a few rooms I haven’t looked through yet.”

“Sure, I ask that you don’t break anything, but other than that my home is your home, you don’t have to ask to look around.” He winced a little bit at his own words. What if Dean didn’t want this to be home? What then? Castiel was trying his best not to force Dean’s hand, and here he was basically forcing Dean to think of this as home.

"Thanks Cas-tiel," Dean smiled. Castiel didn't point out the weird way Dean had said his name, assuming that it was just Dean forgetting the weird pronunciation for a moment. It was late after all.

"No problem, make sure not to go to bed too late." And then Castiel walked away, heading to the living room to choose a new book. He had finished his old one, and although he had read all of the books he had before, he wasn't sure which one he was going to read now, but choosing a new book was always fun.

"Sure thing Castiel," Dean grinned, sending him a two fingered salute as he disappeared down the hall. He seemed so much more relaxed than he had mere moments ago, and it was that moment that Castiel realised just how good Dean was at putting on masks. He could hide anything he wanted with one of his masks, so it really meant a lot to Castiel that Dean let him see the truth, even if he did hide it as soon after as he could.

Cas was a couple of chapters into his book, one of the ones he'd read more times than he could count, but always enjoyed reading again, when he heard a loud crash from down the hall. It sounded like something breaking, something shattering, and the only thought going through his mind was 'Dean'. He needed to be sure the familiar was safe. He didn't even register what was happening, didn't think anything through, he just threw himself to his feet, not even giving himself time to right himself before he sprinted towards the noise, following the muffled cursing.

He found himself frozen right outside the workroom, only the heavy wooden door standing between him and Dean and whatever made the noise, forcing himself to calm down. He had been about to throw the door open and rush in to protect his familiar and his home, when his mind caught up on the fact that it wasn't likely that Dean was in danger. In fact it was more likely that Dean had knocked something over, and if Cas threw himself into the room, ready to protect, then Dean would misinterpret what was going on and think he was in trouble.

He opened the door as slowly as he could make himself, which admittedly probably wasn't as slowly as he should have done it, doing his best to hold back his worry until he knew exactly what was going on.

When he walked in he found that Dean was on the floor picking up what looked like broken glass. For a moment Castiel's mind flashed back to the worst case scenario, but when he actually looked at his friend he saw that he looked unharmed, just scared.

"Dean? Are you okay? What happened?" Castiel knew his voice was shaking, but he couldn't have stopped it if he tried. He was trying to hold himself back when all he really wanted to do was rush forwards and pull the scared looking familiar into his arms. All he wanted to do was keep Dean safe.

Dean jumped, staring with wide green eyes up at Castiel like he expected to be yelled at any moment. His voice was also shaking when he started talking, his whole body was, whether it was from fear or adrenaline, Castiel didn't know. "Castiel! I'm so sorry, I know you told me not to break anything, and I didn't mean to, I tried not to, I just knocked it over, my wolf side jumped and it made me jolt and I'm really sorry I shouldn't be making excuses I'm so sorry and now I'm rambling I'm just going to shut up." He slammed his mouth closed, turning bright red.

"It's okay Dean," Castiel said slowly, holding eye contact with Dean to make sure his friend would be able to see how honest he was being. The eyes were the window to the soul after all, and Castiel would happily bare his soul to Dean if it would stop him from fearing Castiel. "You didn't do it on purpose did you?"

"Of course not!" Dean gasped, looking scandalised, like the very idea that he would have purposefully gone against Castiel's directions was offensive.

"Exactly, it was an accident, it's okay," Castiel leant down slowly, carefully starting to pick up the bigger pieces glass and putting them on his unused work table so that Dean wouldn't hurt himself in his panic. It seemed to be the glass angel he'd had sitting on the side, it had been a present from his parents years ago, and he'd never got around to getting rid of it. He didn't even like it all that much, it was large and ugly and even if Castiel was named after an angel, he didn't particularly want a glass one in his house, which was why he kept it in the least used room in his cabin. He'd actually pretty much forgotten about its existence until now.

"I'm still sorry," Dean said quietly, talking in deep calming breaths and visibly doing what he could to stop his shaking. He still didn't look completely back to normal, but he was going better than before and Castiel could see that it wasn't even a mask this time. He actually was doing better now.

"Dean, why did your wolf side jump?" Castiel asked carefully, not wanting Dean to think he was thinking it was his fault or anything, but wanting to know what happened. If there was something wrong with the workroom that was hurting Dean's other form, then he would deal with it as quickly as possible. Dean was meant to be safe here, and Castiel would do whatever it took to keep it that way.

"I keep smelling a fox!" Dean pretty much growled. Apparently this had been a problem for a while, and Castiel found himself wondering why it was only just coming up now. "I opened a draw and suddenly smelt them," Castiel nodded, that must have been from when Charlie restocked his ingredient cabinet, "and my wolf instincts are wondering if it's friend or foe, and my human instincts are just confused about this mysterious fox who is here enough for their scent to soak in, but not enough for me to have met them! And it's really starting to mess with me man." Dean finished his little outburst bright red, and breathing a little quicker than normal, but he looked happy enough to get it off his chest, even if the entire thing was frustrating him.

Castiel laughed quietly, Dean was kind of cute when he was this frustrated. "The fox you're smelling is my familiar friend Charlie. She's the one who made the website and she also brings me groceries." Castiel could see the moment Dean registered what that meant, his eyes brightening a little and an excited feeling dancing through his voice.

"Oh, okay, yeah, she's cool." Dean sighed almost subvocally, a sound a little too much like relief for Castiel to ignore it. Why had Dean been worried about who the fox was? It didn't really matter to him, did it? It was just another familiar inside Castiel's cabin, that was all.

Unless...

Maybe Dean actually did count this as home? Or his wolf side did at least? That could explain his instincts got annoying enough to cause Dean to knock something over. Maybe they had been wondering if there was a trespasser on his territory? Did wolf familiars even do the whole territory thing? Castiel wasn't exactly well read on the subject, he'd never expected to interact with any familiars other than Charlie ever again, the habits of wolf familiars had never been high up his research list.

"So yes, tell your instincts that she is a friend," Cas told him, at least slightly awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair. He didn't know where the conversation had gone, but for a moment it had almost felt like it was straying into a different territory, closer territory, one that he refused to name for both his sake, and Dean's.

"I'm glad to hear that, it would be kind of awkward to make an enemy without meeting them," Dean laughed, and it was like nothing had ever happened, the conversation never left the friendly reassurance they had right now, even though Castiel was almost certain it had.

Or maybe that was just him. Maybe he was just imagining things to make himself feel better. Both were likely.

"Well, unless you need me for something I think I'm going to head to bed," Dean said, shifting from foot to foot like he always did when he wanted to escape something. Castiel wasn't certain what exactly it was that Dean was trying to escape, but it didn't matter. He would never trap Dean in something he wasn't comfortable in.

"That's fine, I'll see you tomorrow," Castiel smiled, waiting until Dean had left before he grabbed a dustpan to pick up the last of the glass, going over the spot at least three times to make sure he got every bit. He might not use the room regularly, but something told him that Dean had come here for a reason, and the fact he had been opening draws told Castiel that he wasn't planning to stay away.

He went to bed that night with a weird feeling in his chest, an odd feeling that something was wrong like he was missing something, even though he could see anything off. It felt like something bad was going to happen soon, and Castiel hoped against all hope that he was wrong.

Chapter Text

Castiel shot up in bed, disoriented for a moment as he tried to figure out what had woken him up. The house was silent, nothing seemed off, but clearly something had woken him up, something bigger than just a racoon going through the trash if his heartbeat was anything to go by.

He’d been having a lovely dream. He couldn’t remember it anymore, his brain’s sleepy images already disintegrating due to the shock of being woken up, but he remembered being warm, and happy, and unless he was mistaken, Dean had been there too. Castiel knew someone had been, could remember the feeling of having someone with him, but just couldn’t remember who.

He wasn’t normally the type to try and remember his dreams, either he did or he didn’t, and most of the time when he did they were nightmares which he would have much rather forgotten, but he could remember the emotions from this one, and it was something he wanted to cling to, something he didn’t feel often enough.

But now it was gone, because something had interrupted his sleep… He just didn’t know what. It was probably just a deer running through some bushes, or an owl just outside his window. That’s what he tried to tell himself anyway, that’s what he tried to convince himself, even as he knew in his heart that it wasn’t true. He’d been living in the forest for years after all, more than enough time to get used to the normal noises that surrounded him, and he’d long moved past being woken up at a particularly loud noise.

Except this time apparently, because he was definitely awake, and definitely couldn't find a reason that he should be.

He listened intently, cocking his head to the side as he listened to the still night, the occasional animal call the only thing breaking the silence. There had to be something. A fox barking wasn’t enough to disturb him, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that something important - maybe something bad - was happening.

The empty night surrounded him, giving nothing away.

Except…

“NO! Please,” There was a loud shout from the other bedroom, Dean’s voice slurred with sleep, but still with the sharpness only terror could give it. Without even properly walking up, Castiel threw himself out of bed, sprinting through the cabin and into Dean’s bedroom, almost shocked to find the familiar still asleep.

He just stood there for a long moment, frozen as the man in front of him slept, his head thrown back against his pillows and his face furrowed into a slight frown. A strange feeling stirred itself in Castiel’s stomach. Something he couldn’t identify, and wasn’t sure he wanted to.

And then the silence was shattered again as Dean started throwing his head back and forth on his pillow, his face scrunched up in pain as he hoarsely started yelling again, “Please Dad. Please no. No, NO!” There was a deep rooted pain in his voice, a tear squeezing it’s way out of the corner of Dean’s tightly closed eyes, high wolf like whines leaving his throat, sounding pained, and Castiel had already seen more than enough.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, slowly walking to the side of Dean’s bed and laying a gentle hand on the other man’s shoulder. When that didn’t wake him up, Castiel applied a tiny bit more pressure, then tried gently shaking him awake. Admittedly, Castiel had no idea whether you were supposed to wake people up or not - you weren’t supposed to for sleepwalking, were nightmares the same? - but he couldn’t just stand back and watch the familiar hurt, so this was his only option.

The green eyes in front of him snapped open, terror clearly swimming through every part of Dean’s body and soul, every muscle shaking. Dean was clearly not properly awake, his body acting on what looked like autopilot as he started throwing punches, only missing Castiel thanks to his slightly sluggish movement, and the fact that Castiel had more than enough adrenaline running through his body to help him dodge. Any other situation, and someone trying to wake Dean up would probably end up slugged in the face and nursing a black eye, and Castiel made sure to file that away to think about later, and to definitely remember for future reference.

“It’s okay, you’re safe, I promise you’re safe,” Castiel reassured, hoping that it was working, “Nothing’s going to happen. I’m here, you’re not alone.” Dean’s breathing seemed to be gradually slowing down, so Castiel kept going, saying anything that came to mind as he stood in the mainly dark room, trying to calm down the familiar he couldn’t forget he barely knew.

“Cas?” Dean asked, his words still slightly slurred, but clearly conscious and mainly calm again. “What’s-” he cut himself off, gazing around the dark room and wriggling slightly under his covers. “I woke you up, didn’t I?” he sighed, sounding disappointed in himself.

He had just woken up from a nightmare, a bad one if his sweat clammy skin and still wide eyes were any indication, and yet was more worried about the fact he had clearly woken Castiel up. Castiel wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry over how caring the familiar was, or scream over how little he seemed to care about himself.

“You did,” Castiel admitted slowly, almost feeling like he shouldn’t, not when Dean was looking so vulnerable and small, so unlike the version of himself he tried to project during daylight hours, “but honestly I’m more worried about you right now. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Dean said with a wave of his hand, as though he was nothing important or to be worried over. As though he wasn’t just as important as everyone else. Like he expected Castiel to just agree with his assessment of himself, and stop caring. “It was just a nightmare.”

There was something in the way he said ‘just’, something in how quickly he was waving it off, it put Castiel on high alert and sent his magic straining against its inner cage, desperate to help the familiar who was so clearly hurting, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

“Dean,” he started, voice lower than normal as he stared down at the familiar, clearly daring him to lie, “do you have nightmares often?”

The way Dean ducked his head was answer enough, but Castiel wanted him to say it out loud. Wanted him to explain why he’d been hiding it. Wanted to try and understand what was going through his new friend’s head.

“Sometimes,” Dean replied, only continuing after Castiel waited for a long moment without saying anything, “pretty much every night to be honest.” He was wringing his hands together, staring at the covers as though they were the most interesting things he’d ever seen.

“Why didn’t you wake me up? Nightmares are easier to get over with company.” Cas kept his voice low and soft, even though the emotions running through him were anything but. He was angry. Angry at himself for clearly not helping Dean feel safe enough to tell him things, angry at whoever taught Dean that he needed to keep things like this quiet, angry at the universe which had hurt such a beautiful soul such as Dean.

“I- I’m sorry,” Dean seemed to shrink into himself, like he expected Cas to get angry at him for not waking Castiel up, even though he understood that Dean was trying to be poite. He just needed Dean to know it wasn’t needed.

“It’s okay, just- in the future you can wake me up if you need company. Okay?”

“Yeah, alright,” Dean replied, and when he glanced up at Castiel he could see something which Castiel could only identify as gratefulness, with maybe a hint of joy mixed in. It made him smile, knowing that the familiar trusted him, even if it did sometimes take a moment for him to remember that he could.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Castiel asked, clarifying when Dean looked confused, “the nightmare you just had, or maybe just one you sometimes have.”

Dean huffed out a bitter laugh, “it’s always the same one,” he told Castiel, swinging his legs out of bed and pushing himself upright. He wobbled for a moment, but managed to righted himself before Castiel could grab him. “Can we get some hot chocolate?” he asked, “I don’t really want to be alone right now.”

“Of course we can,” Castiel agreed, walking alongside Dean as they headed towards the kitchen, making sure to keep a hand ready in case Dean’s earlier unsteadiness returned. He didn’t think it was his injury causing it - what was left of his injury anyway - and could only assume the wobble had been caused by the late hour and from lying down in one position for so long.

The other side of his brain, the cynical side, the one which was always correct in horrible situations, which expected the very worst out of humanity and kept Castiel on edge with it’s worst case scenarios, whispered another option, one which Castiel could only hope wasn’t correct.

‘What if it was the nightmare?’ it suggested, ‘what if whatever happened was that bad, that just thinking about it was enough to throw off his balance?’

Castiel couldn’t think of that. He just couldn’t. He didn’t want to imagine what could have happened to sweet Dean which would hurt him enough to not only give him nightly nightmares even when he was safe, but would also hurt him enough to affect him in the real world, even after he had calmed most of the way down.

They reached the kitchen, Dean flicking on the lights while Castiel dug out one of his nicest scented candles - the kind which Charlie nearly always got him for Christmas, but he rarely burned because once they were gone they were gone for good and Castiel hated using nice things up - hoping the steady flame would be comforting, and got started on heating up some milk for their hot chocolates. It was probably too late - or early maybe - for cream and marshmallows on top, but Dean looked like he could do with the sweetness, and Castiel knew he wouldn't be comfortable accepting them unless Castiel had some too, so that’s what he would do. He could deal with too much sugar at this time, if it would help get some of the happier Dean back.

They didn’t say anything for a long while, letting the quiet noises from the forest settle over both of them like a warm blanket without disturbing it with any more noise than what Castiel needed to make their drinks. 

An owl hooted in the distance, what was probably a deer walked nearby, close enough that they could hear it snapping twigs as it stepped, the wind whistled through the trees.

Castiel poured the hot chocolate into two mugs, topping them with cream and marshmallows before taking a seat across from Dean, passing the one with extra marshmallows across to the familiar. He settled for a moment, but something in Dean’s eyes kept him moving, standing back up to grab them both a blanket to keep them warm in the chilly kitchen.

Finally he sat down and stayed sitting, taking the odd sip from his drink as he waited for Dean to start talking. He wondered if maybe he should start them both off, maybe tell Dean one of his more recent nightmares, in order to make it feel like more of an exchange of information than anything else.

He didn’t get the chance to open his mouth before Dean started talking, his voice quiet but heavy, laden with all the hurt and pain and fear which the nightmare made him feel, more hurt and pain and fear than Castiel ever wanted his new friend to feel. He could feel his need to protect bubbling up, telling him to pull Dean into a tight hug, bound magic ache be damned, but something kept him glued to his seat, his eyes wide as he listened to Dean’s story, heart breaking with every word Dean muttered.

Chapter Text

“I have the same nightmare every night. It’s slightly different every time, but the basic details are always the same,” Dean started quietly, not looking at Castiel while he spoke, just staring down at the hot drink in his hand. “It always starts the way it actually happened, but then it warps, diverges away from reality. I don’t escape, or the people change, or I’m just running forever and I never get away. More recently, it changed so that once I reached here, you just handed me right back, instead of taking me in as you have.” Dean paused, breathing heavily through his nose, a few tears already starting to well in the corners of his eyes. Castiel knew better than to interrupt, staying quiet while he waited for Dean to continue.

He wanted to scream, to yell, to promise that Dean was safe here and Castiel would always protect him from his past. He was a little confused, he had no idea what half of what Dean was saying meant - he didn’t know the full story after all - but he understood enough to know that someone hurt the familiar, and even with the little he knew, Castiel wished he could find, and destroy, them.

“My past is not a good one, as I’m sure you realised the last time I had a nightmare about it, especially seeing as I wouldn’t talk about it, but the thing is, it was actually pretty perfect, for a long time. And then it got bad, and only when it got even worse did I run.” He stopped, his jaw tense and his eyes flickering around the room, like the memories were trying to pull him back in.

“And your nightmare is about why you ran?” Castiel asked, hoping his voice would help ground his friend, while he tried to find out the full story. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to - or if you’re not comfortable doing so but-”

“No, I want to,” Dean interrupted before Castiel could continue, “you saved me. You deserve to know what you saved me from.”

“This isn’t about me. I could live forever without knowing what happened. The only reason you should be telling me is if it makes you feel better.”

Dean was quiet for a moment, sipping his drink as his shoulders hunched in on himself. In the low light of the kitchen, the quiet of night surrounding them, he looked so much smaller than he did during the day. He looked small and vulnerable and it made Castiel itch with the need to protect, something he didn’t think he’d ever felt so desperately in his entire life.

“I think it will make me feel better,” Dean whispered, voice so quiet a badly timed owl hoot could have swallowed it up. “I’ve not had the chance to tell anyone this before, and it might be nice to get it off my chest, to share it with someone else.”

“Okay. But if you need to stop, just stop. I’m here to help you whether I know what happened or not, alright?”

“Yeah, alright,” Dean agreed, and there was definitely a ghost of a smile there, a hint of gratefulness.

Castiel didn’t push when Dean went silent again, more than happy to let the familiar go at his own pace, while he sipped his hot chocolate and listened to the kind of full silence only the forest could provide. He was glad Dean was here, no matter what horrors he was about to share, and promised himself he would go out of his way in the future to make sure that Dean knew he was safe here. He would never betray Dean, wouldn’t have when they first met, but the more he got to know Dean, the more desperate he was to protect him, and the more he realised that saving the wolf had been the best decision he had made in years.

Dean would always have a home here, no matter what he chose next, whether he stayed or left - even though the very thought of Dean leaving felt like a physical injury - Castiel would help him, and would offer him a home. If someone from Dean’s past came looking, Castiel would do what he had to to keep him safe.

The realisation of how far he would go scared Castiel. He hadn’t known Dean all that long, and already he would do anything to protect him. There was something there, a realisation just waiting for Castiel to notice it, but Dean continued before he could see what it was.

“I come from a long line of witches,” Dean said to his mug, though his eyes were flickering up to glance at Castiel’s reaction every couple of words, “my mom married in, my dad’s familiar turned lover, and I know that his family were a bit unsure - they’d wanted him to marry a powerful witch to continue tradition - but they were glad he was happy, and didn’t argue too much once it was clear there was no turning dad’s mind. I’m told my mom was an amazing woman, a strong familiar too, but I can’t really remember her,” a tear slipped down Dean’s cheek, and this time nothing could have stopped Cas from slipping from his seat in order to pull Dean into a hug, even if he did leave it loose enough that Dean could have shaken him off if he’d wanted to.

“She died - a fire, we never found out what started it - just a few months after my little brother was born,” this was the first Cas was hearing about a sibling, and he found himself wondering what had happened to him. Dean had been alone when he arrived in Castiel’s garden, and seeing as he hadn’t mentioned anyone, Castiel assumed he’d been alone when he ran too, so what had happened for Dean to end up here?

“Dad… Dad changed after Mom died,” Dean sighed, “I don’t know what happened, but he started believing familiars were lesser, to the extent that the rest of his family kicked him - and anyone agreed with him - out and told them never to return. He dragged me and Sa- me and my brother with him, and they started up a new coven.”

“They believed familiars are lesser?” Castiel asked, his head tilted to the side. He had the sinking feeling he had an idea where this was going, but right now he was just focused on that little detail. He didn’t think he’d ever met anyone who thought like that - though he had heard there were people out there who had a problem with familiars. Who thought that because they couldn’t use magic they were less, even though they could shift forms, and channel a witch's magic, which Castiel thought was just as important as being able to control it. They just weren’t comparable. Witches couldn’t exist without familiars, and vice versa. It was balance, it was two types of magic that worked in perfect harmony, within one species, to keep everything working perfectly.

“They believed that familiars were just slaves to witches, just useful for magic channelling and nothing else. I never believed it. Not when back then I could remember what Mom was like, not when I could still remember all my friends from before we moved,” he paused for a moment to take a breath, letting out a dark chuckle as he said his next bit, “my brother on the other hand. He was only three when we were thrown out of our old coven, and so he lapped that shit up like it was the gospel truth. I tried to stop it, tried to raise him the right way, but he hero worshipped our dad, and when I turned nine and turned out to be a familiar he just saw it as more proof that everything I’d ever said was a lie.” 

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” Castiel whispered, his hand absentmindedly slipping into the familiar’s hair, and gently stroking through the strands. He noticed a few moments later, and was going to pull his hand back and apologise, but Dean was relaxing into it, and it seemed to be actually helping keep him grounded, so Castiel kept the gentle movement up.

“You don’t need to apologise. You saved me when I needed saving, and there wasn’t anything else you could have done.”

Castiel knew that Dean was right. He hadn’t known Dean when all this was going down, and technically still didn’t even know where Dean had ran from. He’d had no way to protect Dean from something he hadn’t been aware of, and when he had finally met Dean he had done - and would continue to do - everything he could to help. There was nothing more he could have done, yet something inside him - his magic maybe, from within its locked cage - writhed at the pain Dean had gone through, the betrayals and the hurt which no one had saved him from.

“Still,” Castiel ended up saying, “I’m sorry you had to go through that, even if there was nothing more I could have done.”

“Thanks Cas,” Dean sighed, leaning against Castiel’s chest in a way that made him feel like he was about to explode, Dean’s weight against him electrifying, even with the backdrop of Dean’s horrific past. Castiel felt guilty for feeling like this when Dean was just trying to tell his story, felt like the worst kind of predator out there, but even that couldn’t give him the strength to pull away.

Dean placed his mug back on the table, the hot chocolate all gone and a slight chocolate moustache left on his upper lip as he stared out the window, clearly thinking back to the time before he ran. “At first it wasn’t too bad. I was treated like shit - don’t get me wrong here - but it was just simple stuff. They didn’t really talk to me anymore, and expected me to sleep on the floor, but I could deal with fetching some books, and gathering firewood, and they didn’t care what I did when they didn’t have a job for me, so I could do whatever I wanted really,” there was nostalgia in Dean’s voice, and Castiel couldn’t help but worry, if that counted as ‘better times’ what happened to cause Dean to run?

Dean yawned, wide enough that his jaw cracked, and it left Castiel feeling the need to yawn as well. “Do you want to go to sleep?” Castiel asked, “we could continue this conversation in the morning.” The ‘or never’ was left unsaid, but Castiel knew Dean would hear it.

“No it’s fine. I need to get it all out anyway, or else I’m just going to have another nightmare as soon as I close my eyes.”

Castiel nodded, draining the last of his own drink and taking the mugs to the sink. He would wash them in the morning, but he felt like Dean needed a little bit of space and time to think before he continued his story. The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon, it wasn’t quite visible yet, but the sky was lightning and the stars were already starting to vanish. It was summer, the sun always rose at ridiculous times when everyone still wanted to be sleeping during summer, and Castiel was glad to have the opportunity to watch it rise, something he normally missed due to being dead to the world.

“My dad tried to force a bond on me. I’d just turned twenty one, which apparently meant it was time I stopped wasting time and took my place at a witch’s feet. It was one of his creepy friends - Alistair - he was twice my age, and had looked at me funny since I was small, which only got worse after he realised I was a familiar,” Castiel was unable to stop the way his magic leapt in his chest, a burning pain radiating through his bones as its cage kept it trapped inside.

“What happened?”

“I refused of course, got a lovely burn on my hip for the trouble, but as soon as I could stand again I was off. I don’t even know how long I was running before I ended up in that bear fight and found myself in your garden. It wasn’t hard to escape them, they didn’t even think of having anyone guard me - they always underestimated familiars - and as you can probably figure from the fact I’m here, I never found out how they reacted when they found I was gone.”

“But you assume they’re looking for you?”

“Definitely. I know them. They won’t have been happy finding me gone, and will be trying to find me as a matter of pride.”

The other part of Dean’s sentence registered just then, causing Castiel to freeze in place. “The scar on your hip - your dad did that on purpose?”

“Yeah. I’m a wolf, he knew wolves were scared of fire, so tried to teach me a lesson about knowing my place.”

His dad did that on purpose.

Dean’s dad had purposefully hurt him so badly that the injury had been split across his two forms to keep him alive.

A tear slipped down Castiel’s face, quickly followed by another couple. It wasn’t a sorrowful tear, not really. It was an angry tear. Angry at everyone who hurt Dean. Angry at all that happened that Dean said that last sentence with such nonchalance. Angry that he couldn’t save Dean from the pain of his past. Angry at the universe for hurting a soul that shined so brightly.

“It’s okay,” Dean promised, wiping the tears off Castiel’s face as though Cas was the one who needed comforting, rather than it being the other way round. It was… It was so perfectly Dean that another tear slipped down his cheeks, stopped halfway down by Dean’s thumb. The familiar was too nice for the pain he’d gone through.

“Your dad was wrong,” Castiel told him, “so, so, very wrong.”

“I know, but it’s okay. I have you now, don’t I. And I know you’ll protect me.”

“You do, and I will. Whatever it takes.” And Castiel knew it was true. No matter what happened, if anyone tried to take Dean against his will, Castiel would stop them. With whatever means necessary.

“We should probably go to sleep,” Dean muttered quietly, not moving a single muscle towards standing up, “I’ve already kept you awake long enough, you need to sleep.”

Castiel sighed, “technically there is nothing stopping me from sleeping all day tomorrow, but you’re right. We both need to sleep unless we want to ruin our sleep schedules and never sleep at a regular time again.”

He stood up then, realising that Dean wasn’t going to move, and that he wouldn’t either if he stalled for any longer. He grabbed Dean’s hand to pull him upright, and neither of them said anything when he didn’t let go again, the contact welcome after the stressful night of recounting past pains.

They brushed their teeth, both of them dead on their feet but Castiel had not skimped on the marshmallows or cream, and he really didn’t want to have to go to the dentist because they got in the habit of midnight hot chocolate drinking with no teeth cleaning afterwards.

And then Castiel collapsed into his bed, only realising after he was all curled up and comfortable that Dean was there too, looking just as comfortable. Castiel didn’t say anything, glad to have the familiar in his arms after everything he had heard that night, and if the way Dean relaxed into him was any clue, Dean shared the same sentiment.

The last thing Castiel was aware of before dropping off to sleep, was a bone deep satisfaction as he rubbed the soft skin of the burn scar under his hand, and Dean’s soothing light breaths as the familiar sunk into his own - hopefully good - dreams.

Chapter Text

Castiel woke the next morning feeling warm and rested in a way he didn’t think he could ever remember feeling before. Sure, he’d had a good night's sleep many times before, but he’d never been left feeling quite like this, feeling like no matter what happened next today couldn't go wrong when he’d woken up like this. If there was such a thing as waking up on the wrong side of bed, this was Castiel waking up on the right side. Even back before he moved out to the cabin, back when things were normal and he’d lived in his childhood home just outside the center of town, he’d had a few sleeping problems and had rarely managed to sleep through the night for one reason or another. But there had been none of that last night. Not after Dean had joined him, the familiar’s warm body pressed against Castiel and his gentle breathing filling the room had chased off the nightmares which normally stalked Castiel all night long.

Dean.

Dean was still in Castiel’s bed, fast asleep and peaceful while his head rested on Castiel’s chest. It can’t have been comfortable, his neck was at a slightly weird angle and his head was rising and falling in time with Castiel’s breathing. Castiel’s hand was still on Dean’s burnt hip, not stroking anymore but just resting there, as apparently neither of them had shifted much - if at all - during the night. Another thing that was strange for Castiel, normally he tossed and turned all night long. Castiel shifted to the side, planning on slipping out from the bed and going to start on breakfast, but Dean’s fingers tightened where they were curled into Castiel’s sleep shirt and the ‘don’t go’ message was clear, even if Dean was still asleep and probably didn’t even realise it was Castiel he was holding onto. Being so tightly curled up together caused a heavy ache from Castiel’s magic, he was literally pressed against the familiar after all, and yet he hadn’t even noticed it the night before when they went to sleep, and it hadn’t woken him up during the night.

That was… strange to say the very least. Clearly it must be something to do with Dean, but for the life of him Castiel couldn’t figure out what it could be. How would Dean block the pain of Castiel’s magic? Did he even do it on purpose? Was that even something familiars could do or was Castiel just jumping to conclusions? Honestly, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to know the answers. He had moved out to the cabin to avoid things like this, and he wasn’t about to get rid of Dean just so that he didn’t have to wonder these questions, but that didn’t mean he had to look into the answers when they were probably better left alone.

Castiel didn’t move anymore, content to just lie in the comfortable bed and take the opportunity to watch the familiar sleep. The late morning light shined through a gap in the curtains, illuminating Dean’s face and taking Castiel’s breath away. Dean was beautiful in rest. His eyelashes were long as they rested delicately against his freckled cheeks, which were still beautiful even now that Castiel knew that they were probably only painted with so many freckles due to working outside all day as his family's familiar errand boy. His entire demeanor seemed so much younger in sleep, without the crushing weight of the troubles he lugged around like the chains of his past and Castiel couldn’t stop himself from hoping that maybe, one day in the future, he would be able to see Dean this relaxed in wakefulness, all his troubles far out of mind.

He had no idea how long he’d been watching when Dean started waking up, but the sun had reached his eyes, and it was probably that which had started rousing the sleeping familiar. That or maybe his body had all the sleep it needed, though with how sleep deprived Dean had been when he first arrived, Castiel doubted it was that. He knew watching people sleep was often thought of as creepy, but he wouldn’t have been able to look away even if he wanted to. Dean’s eyes started fluttering, and he breathed a sharp breath in before his limbs seemed to tense up, his eyes still closed as he seemed to do an inventory of his body. In just a few short seconds Dean had gone from relaxed to tense, and Castiel hated it. He had no idea what Dean was looking for, what he thought he would find that required him to pretend to be asleep, yet he couldn’t stop being worried that he would find it, whatever it was.

“Good morning Dean,” he said quietly, a small sigh of relief escaping him when Dean relaxed again at the sound of his voice. Maybe… Was it possible that Dean felt comfortable with him? Was it possible that remembering that he was with Castiel, and not wherever he was thinking, was enough to make him feel… safe?

“Morning Cas,” Dean murmured, not opening his eyes even while burying his head closed to Castiel’s chest, causing Castiel to gasp a breath that was equal parts shock and pain. This was clearly 100% Dean’s wolf mannerisms, and apparently he felt safe enough to show them even in his human form. Somehow that meant everything to Castiel and he could feel his chest aching with feelings, rather than just his normal magic ache.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Like a drunk baby,” Dean murmured, stretching out his back as much as he could without moving. The slight moving of his body jostled Castiel’s hand off his hip, drawing attention to the fact that it’d been there in the first place and Castiel felt awful. What had been thinking? That burn was the remnants of a traumatic injury, something so bad it was split between both his forms, and Castiel had just been touching him, like he had any right to touch Dean at all.

“I’m so sorry Dean,” Castiel said, knowing he wouldn’t be able to apologise enough for what he’d done. He had promised himself he would be better than the many people who had hurt Dean, and then he’d gone and done that?

“Sorry for what?” Dean asked, his voice shaking slightly with worry, like he expected Cas to just say ‘I contacted your family to tell there where you are, and they’re coming to get you back.’ Castiel shuddered just thinking about it.

“I- I touched your burn! I didn’t ask you first, or check it was okay, I just-”

“It was okay,” Dean interrupted him,  rubbing the back of his neck in the way he only did when he was feeling embarrassed about something, “It is okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah it was- It was nice, soothing.” He was staring at the covers, and Castiel could only see the top of his head because of it, but he could swear Dean was blushing.

“Oh- So, you wouldn’t mind if I did it again?” Cas asked. He knew he shouldn’t ask, he should just take the fact Dean wasn’t angry at him and leave it at that, asking to do it again was basically asking if they could sleep in the same bed together again, and even if he had slept better than he had in years, he refused to assume that Dean felt the same. He had to admit though, stroking Dean’s burn had been nice. It made him feel like maybe he was making up for Dean’s past pains, turning a scar into something… soothing apparently, and apologising for not being able to help more. Maybe if he had full access to his magic he would be able to heal the burn, or at least make it better, but saving Dean from the life threatening ones had been all he could manage, and even that had taken everything he’d been able to give.

“I’d like that actually,” Dean admitted, and the sheer vulnerability in his voice stole Castiel’s breath away. Here was a man used to not getting anything he wanted, probably used to not getting things simply because he wanted them, a man who had only known pain and betrayal, and yet he trusted Castiel. He trusted him to not hurt him in his sleep, to not use his past against him, trusted him to allow him to touch his skin where he had been hurt before, and to see him this vulnerable. Dean trusted him more than anyone had trusted Castiel since… since before he bound his magic. Charlie trusted him, but not this deeply, not this intimately, and that was a good thing, because the last person who had trusted him was Balthazar and-

“Breakfast,” Castiel said loudly, his desperation to escape his thoughts probably  translating through to his tone, “lets go and get some breakfast, I bet you’re hungry,” he knew he was babbling, and Dean was looking more and concerned by the moment.

“Yeah, alright, breakfast,” Dean agreed hesitantly, putting a gentle hand against Castiel’s shoulder, “are you okay Cas?”

“Yes, of course, I’m fine.” He was not fine. He was about as far from okay as he could get. He had no idea why he’d let Dean stay, not when he was poison to the people surrounding him. He’d exiled himself to the cabin so he could protect people, keep them as far away from him as they could get, so Castiel would never be able to hurt anyone again.

But he couldn’t tell Dean to leave. He wanted Dean to stay… Needed Dean to stay, which was selfish of him because if he truly cared about the familiar he would want to keep him out of harm's way. But he was too weak to stop being selfish. Dean’s hand was so warm and grounding, his presence so soothing, his personality so bright. Dean brought something to Cas that he hadn’t known since he had moved into the cabin, maybe since even before that, and Castiel did not have the power to turn that away now that he had it back.

A single tear slipped down his face before he wiped it away, his internal conflict too much to keep inside. The right thing, and the thing that felt right to him were not the same thing, and Castiel had no idea which path would cause least pain in the long run. For Dean of course, Castiel didn’t care much about causing himself pain in the long run, but Dean… throwing him out would hurt him more than letting him stay, but what if Castiel hurt him later on? Then it would be best to let him go now while he was still safe, or at least once Cas could find him somewhere safe to go.

“What are you thinking about?” Dean asked, his voice so soft Castiel didn’t think he actually expected to be overheard.

“You,” Castiel replied, too emotionally tired to lie, “and if letting you stay is going to hurt you more in the long run.”

“Why would it-” Dean started, squinting at Castiel like he thought he was insane, “if you hadn’t taken me in, I’d be dead by now Cas. I don’t know what you think is going to happen to me if I stay here, but this is the only place that’s felt like home in years, and unless you tell me I have to leave, I’m not going anywhere.”

A spark of… something lit up Castiel’s chest. It wasn’t painful, wasn’t his magic trying to escape like he was so used to. It was something soft, something bright, something which made him want to pull Dean into a tight hug and never let him go, something that made him want to press his lips to Dean to show him all the things he could never figure out how to say, something that-

Wait what?

That wasn’t- 

“Come on, let's go get that breakfast you promised, “ Dean smiled, “and we can talk about my long term arrangements while we eat. I get the feeling we will both feel much better once it’s decided.”

Castiel frowned. What did Dean have to be worrying about? His words had definitely implied that both of them were worried because of how uncertain their future living arrangements were, but… Castiel had made it clear that Dean could stay as long as he wanted. He was the one worrying about how long that would be. Not Dean.

“Yeah, alright,” Castiel climbed out of bed and started walking to the kitchen, making sure Dean was following. It didn’t matter, he realised. It didn’t matter why Dean was worried, what mattered was whether Castiel could make it better. And if he could, he would, if only so he could make Dean happy.

Chapter Text

“Here you go,” Dean smiled, pushing the last pancake onto Castiel’s plate. He smiled thankfully up at the familiar, his mouth watering just from the scent of the large stack on his plate. Dean was an amazing cook, and even though he’d only been living with Cas for a couple of days, he knew he would never be able to eat anyone else’s pancakes ever again. Not when there was no way they would be as delicious as Dean’s.

“What's your secret?” Castiel asked, grabbing his fork to start digging in. “How do you make them so fluffy?”

Dean laughed loudly, the smile on his face radiant, “I’ve just had lots of practice,” he said, “that's all there is to it.” Castiel didn’t believe him for a moment, but he wasn’t going to argue when there were pancakes to be eaten.

The room was quiet for a couple of moments, just the sound of cutlery clinking against plates and happy sighs filling the space, until Dean opened his mouth, staring down at his plate while he talked.

“We need to talk about the long term,” he glanced up at Castiel through his eyelashes, the look sparking something in Castiel’s chest that he didn’t want to look too closely into, “because you seem to be worrying about me leaving, or whether I should be here or not or- something,” Castiel nodded, it was all true, and he still wasn’t sure if maybe getting Charlie to take Dean in until he was ready to move on would be a better idea, “whereas I’m over here terrified that I’m going to get kicked out of the only home I’ve ever wanted to stay in. So yeah, we need to talk.”

Castiel was frozen in place, his brain refusing to translate Dean’s words into their respective meanings. Dean was… Scared? Terrified even. Dean was terrified of Castiel throwing him out, and Castiel hadn’t even noticed! He’d been in his corner thinking about how Dean had nothing to be worried about, and all this time he’d been worrying about something which would have been solved with a simple conversation.

“I’m not going to throw you out,” Castiel promised, waiting until Dean looked up to catch his eyes and continue. “You’re welcome here for however long you’d like to stay, forever if you so choose. That will never change. I may worry if you staying is best for you, but I will never throw you out. If you ever leave, it will be your decision, and my cabin will still be open for you if you ever want to return.” It was all true. No matter what Castiel worried or thought, this cabin was Dean’s home now. He knew that, and even if Dean didn’t think of it like that, it always would be. Castiel had no idea when Dean had gone from the wolf he’d saved, to the familiar who had wormed his way into Castiel’s heart and would probably never leave, but it was too late by now for Castiel to do anything about it.

“Why would me staying be bad for me?” Dean asked, his voice fairly quiet, but not weak. 

“I-” Castiel didn’t know how to word it, how to explain it. “My magic is bound for a reason,” Castiel settled for, “and even with it now bound… I don’t trust myself. I moved out here so I wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone, and I won’t throw you out, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fear hurting you.”

Dean smiled. Smiled. As though Castiel wasn’t basically telling him he thought he would hurt Dean. He smiled.

“You couldn’t hurt me,” Dean said, as though it was simple as that. “I came here hurt. What you’ve been doing is healing, not hurting.”

Castiel groaned. Dean just didn’t get it! He wouldn’t hurt Dean on purpose. But he hadn’t meant to- No. He would not think about last time. Not now. “But what if I-”

“But nothing. You won’t hurt me, and I want to stay.” Dean’s eyes were burning with passion, a wildness in them which could have only been from his wolf side. Castiel couldn’t argue with him, not when he was looking like that. Not when he looked like every word he spoke was true from the bottom of his soul.

“Then I’ll be glad to have you,” Castiel smiled, starting to reach out. He didn’t know what he was reaching for, and he never actually found out, because at that moment the sound of an engine broke through the sounds of the forest, shattering the moment and putting Dean on instant high alert. Castiel figured it was probably Charlie, though he didn’t know why she was coming. It definitely wasn’t time for his kitchen to be restocked, it hadn’t been that long since her last delivery trip, but maybe she had a free day and decided to try and drag him out the house. It wouldn’t be the first time she did that.

He didn’t have time to relay these thoughts to Dean before he’d shifted into his wolf form and bolted out the door, growling threateningly into the air. He was going out to protect his new home, and if it was any other situation Castiel would probably be taking the time to pay attention to the way Dean’s actions made something in Castiel’s chest feel warm, but as it was his best friend was the threat, and he really needed to intervene until something bad happened.

“Dean!” he yelled as he ran out after Dean, “It’s okay, she’s not a threat!”

Charlie was parked by the time he made it out there, Dean standing just in front of the driver side door looking at Castiel but not moving, like he wasn’t quite sure if he should move out the way or not. When Charlie started moving, clearly reaching for the door handle to climb out the car, Dean turned back to snarl at her, but Cas could see he was keeping an eye on Cas for a clue of what to do, and he was shifting his weight from side to side in the way he only did when he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing.

“Dean, come here,” Castiel said gently, rubbing Dean’s head when he ran over to him. “It’s okay, that’s Charlie. She’s my familiar friend, not a threat.” He could see Dean getting embarrassed, so quickly added on, “Thank you for trying to protect us.”

Dean didn’t shift back, pressing himself against Cas’ legs as they both watched Charlie climb out her car, a slightly frazzled smile on her face. “Well that’s new,” she laughed, clearly not too traumatised by having a wolf threaten her.

“Yes, it’s not exactly been the least eventful few days of my life,” Castiel grinned back, reaching down to pat Dean’s back, knowing that he would need the grounding touch when meeting someone new. “This is Dean.”

“You found a wolf, and named it?” Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow as she pulled Cas into a hug and tried to pat Dean, stopping when it became clear that he was contemplating biting her.

“Sorry about that. He’s a bit shy,” Cas shrugged, though he does look meaningfully at Dean, his meaning clear. ‘ Do not bite my friend. No matter what your instincts tell you. ’ “Should we go inside?”

Castiel leads the way, going into the kitchen and grabbing three mugs down to make some coffee, Dean practically glued to his side while Charlie sat down at the table and looked vaguely confused.

“He’s not a wild wolf,” Castiel started explaining as he made up the coffee and placed the mugs on the table, “he’s a familiar, he’s just also a little bit wary of people.” Charlie stared at him for a long moment, her mouth hanging open, which honestly, he couldn’t blame her for. Him from a week ago would never believe that this was real either.

Charlie grinned at Castiel, and before he could figure out what she was thinking she was gone, her small red fox form sitting on her seat instead. She slipped fluidly down from the chair, and then just stood there, watching Dean while he watched her, leaving Cas to drink his coffee and try to ignore the ache in his chest. 

It was worth it, he decided ten minutes later, watching Dean and Charlie tumble around together in their animal forms, the ache in his chest was more than worth it when he got to see his favourite people in the world so happy together.

“Alright truce!” Charlie laughed from the ground, suddenly human again with Dean still lying on top of her in wolf form, “you win alright, get off me you big lug!”

Dean trotted back over to Castiel’s side with a satisfied smile on his canine face, his eyes sparkling with what would have been laughter had he been human. It made something warm bubble in Castiel’s chest as he smiled at the familiar, a smile which only grew when Dean seamlessly shifted back into human form, and his smile turned into loud laughter.

“Wolf: 1, Fox: 0,” he cheered, reaching out a hand to high five Castiel, as though he’d had anything to do with Dean’s victory.

“Damn,” Charlie said, loud enough for both Dean and Cas to hear her. She was staring at Dean’s human form, a shit eating grin on her face and Castiel knew what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth. “Damn, now I see why Cas keeps you around!”

“I do not,” Castiel said quickly, but he couldn’t hold back his laugh. It had been a while since he’d had the chance to enjoy a teasing conversation like this one, and he hadn’t even realised he missed it.

“What?” Dean asked, squinting between Castiel and Charlie like he had no idea what they were talking about.

“She’s saying you’re hot,” Castiel explained, before turning to send Charlie a glare, “Which isn’t the reason I let you stay, no matter what she says.”

“I’m- what? I’m not hot,” Dean argued, looking down at his body. Castiel could practically see the thoughts going through his head, all the horrible things people had said to him over the years. They thought familiars were nothing but slaves, Castiel wouldn’t be surprised if they had taken great joys out of tearing Dean’s self confidence down.

“Yes you are.” It felt wrong to say, like if Cas admitted it Dean would get the wrong idea, make him think Castiel was only keeping him around for his body, or that the only thing Castiel liked about him was that he was hot, but he also couldn’t just let Dean spend his life believing what others had wrongly told him.

“Really?”

“I’m a lesbian,” Charlie said, “and I think your hot. Do you know how hot you have to be to make someone who bats for the other team think you are hot?”

Dean looked at the floor for a moment, his face red with a blush as he shifted uncomfortably. “No ones ever said anything like that to me before,” he said awkwardly, “but thank you?”

“Whoever else you’ve been talking to must be either blind, or related to you,” Charlie announced, and Castiel saw Dean visibly flinch at the mention of his family.

“Yeah, something like that,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck and staring at the floor.

“Come on,” Castiel said loudly, deciding it was more than time for a topic change, “lets get inside, our coffee will be freezing by now, but I can make some new mugs for us all.”

“Oh! That reminds me,” Charlie hopped to her feet, starting to walk round the cabin in the direction of where she parked her car, “I brought cake! I’ll go and grab it.”

“Not as good as pie,” Dean muttered under his breath, sounding almost like he was continuing an old argument despite the fact he was talking to himself, and Castiel made a mental note to bake a pie at some point, Dean must love it if he thought it was better than cake.

Chapter Text

The cake was delicious, and they all ate two slices before deciding they needed to stop. Charlie left the remainders of the cake in its box, pointedly putting it on the side and telling Dean to make sure it stayed there. Dean - the traitor - had grinned and nodded, pointing two fingers at the cake, and then at his eyes, in the universal gesture of watching something. Clearly despite only being here for a couple of hours, Charlie had figured out how to get her way in Castiel’s home.

And that way was obviously though Dean.

Because however much Castiel hated it - which was a surprisingly small amount actually - Castiel couldn’t say no to Dean, especially not when he pulled out the puppy eyes which seemed to come directly from his wolf form, as natural as they were.

The hours seemed to fly by, and before Castiel even knew it the light outside was starting to dim amd Charlie was starting to get ready to head off, saying goodbye to Dean and giving him a hug which seemed more fox to wolf than human to human, and Castiel was so thankful that Charlie had come round, and that she and Dean got along so well. It would do Dean some good to have a familiar friend to talk to, and it definitely must have been nice for him to just let his instincts run free for most of the day. Castiel tried to make sure Dean was always comfortable around him, and he thought he did a pretty good job of it, but he was still a witch, and Dean had still spent most of his life hiding the details of his nature from witches.

Dean would get over it, would get used to witches not being a danger any more, but it would take time, and Castiel was not going to rush him.

“Cas? Can I talk to you outside?” Charlie asked, Castiel’s stomach dropping to his feet when he saw the way she quickly glanced at Dean. ‘Outside’ is what she had said, ‘away from Dean’ is what she had meant. And maybe this was nothing, but Castiel knew Charlie, and he could read her body language well enough to tell that this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation, even if Charlie clearly thought it was an important one.

“Sure,” Castiel agreed with fake cheer, quickly turning to talk to Dean before he went. “Can you start on dinner while I talk to Charlie?” Dean looked hesitant, almost like he didn’t want Cas to go, and the way his lip curled for a moment looked like the start of a classic wolf snarl, but then Dean swallowed hard a couple of times, sent a slightly untrustworthy look towards Charlie, and nodded. Castiel had the feeling Dean wasn’t talking because it would end up coming out as something much more wolf than human, but at the same time he had no idea what could have triggered that reaction - sure, wolf familiars could be possessive, but only with people they counted as pack, and Castiel very much doubted he counted, even if Dean did think of him as a friend.

His hand was brushing through Dean’s hair before he even realised he was moving, a quick pass through the soft strands which seemed to knock all the tension out of Dean’s body, before he had enough control over himself to pull away.

He was probably hearing things, but he could have sworn he heard a quiet whine when he did so.

“Alright Charlie, we’ll have to keep this quick if you want to get back before sundown.” Because obviously that was his main reason for keeping this conversation short, nothing to do with the fact less time meant less grilling Charlie could do. He walked out the cabin without looking back, knowing that Charlie would follow him.

Neither of them said anything until they were just outside Charlie's car, far enough from the house that Dean wouldn't be able to hear anything unless he actively listened, which Castiel knew was possible, but at the same time he trusted Dean, and knew that he wouldn't listen in when it was obvious this conversation wasn't for his ears.

The second they reached the ugly gremlin Charlie whirled around to stare wide eyed and open mouthed at Cas, her red hair swinging with the force of her spin

“You have a familiar living with you,” Charlie breathed, “does this mean that you’ve-”

“No,” Cas interrupted before she could finish her sentence, “I found Dean injured in my vegetable garden, and I wasn’t exactly about to throw him out was I?"

"No," Charlie agreed, "but come on Cas, I saw how you two were together! There is a difference between not throwing him out, and making him a part of your family."

"That's just how Dean is," Castiel shrugged, trying to act like Charlie's words weren't poking at the heap of feelings in his chest which he did not want untangled, "he's impossible to not like. He's been through more than you can imagine, I just want him to be happy."

"Well he certainly seems it," Charlie said, her words sending a jolt of warmth through Cas. It was nice to hear an outside opinion, another person telling him that maybe he was doing the right thing here.

"Cas, I'm happy for you, I really am. I don't think I've seen you this… alive, since you moved out here," Charlie continued, and Cas just knew the other shoe in that sentence was going to drop any moment. 

"But?" he asked when Charlie didn't continue, just chewing on her lip instead.

"No but, not exactly," Charlie sighed, "Cas, you're my best friend, I've known you most of my life. I know you right?"

"Well… yeah?"

"And you trust me to tell you the truth?"

Castiel had no idea where this was going. He couldn't remember seeing Charlie this uncertain ever. "Yes, I trust you," he rumbled, squinting at his friend while he waited for her to get on with it.

"Cool, well, you're in love with Dean."

Castiel's eyes widened and he just stood there for a long moment, his brain struggling to compute Charlie's words as he gazed at her in shock.

And then he got himself back under control.

"What are you on about? No I'm not! He's just a friend, that's all."

"Cas come on! I've seen you in love before, and even that didn't hold a candle to this!"

Castiel just shook his head aggressively. No. He wasn't in love with Dean! He was a friend. A friend. A friend. Nothing more. No matter what Charlie thought she'd seen!

"Cas, if I didn't know your magic was bound I would think you were bonded already, you're that close to each other. Is this really such a bad thing? Clearly he makes you happy."

Charlie didn't understand.

"You know why I can't," Cas sighed, leaning back against Charlie's car before the memories buckled his legs, "after what happened with-" he cut himself off, unable to continue. It had been years, but he still couldn't say it outloud, but it was fine, Charlie knew what he was talking about.

"That was fifteen years ago," Charlie said, despair in her voice as she stared at her best friend. "You were a child back then! You can't lose such an amazing thing as what you have with Dean, just because of old fears."

"I'll see you next time Charlie," Castiel said tiredly, putting an end to the conversation. He hugged Charlie tightly, and promised that he'd keep in touch this time, and then Charlie was gone.

Castiel stood alone in the rapidly cooling air for a long moment, still watching the distance where Charlie's tail lights had disappeared.

Charlie's words were still echoing round his head, no matter how hard he tried to ignore them. She wasn't… She wasn't wrong. But at the same time, she couldn't be right either, not with all that would entail. Castiel learn his lesson years ago, and falling in love with Dean would only end with one, or both, of them getting hurt.

He couldn't do that to Dean. Not when the very thought of the familiar getting hurt was enough to make his insides ache.

And there it was.

Proof that however much he hated it, Charlie wasn't wrong. He'd been seeing signs of it for days, maybe even longer, but he'd ignored it, pushed those feelings down so far he wouldn't have been able to name them if he'd wanted to.

And then Charlie had turned up and named them for him.

"Cas?" It was Dean, leaning out the kitchen door with concern in his eyes and a wobble in his voice. Castiel didn't know how long he'd been standing about, staring off into space, but if Dean was that worried it must have been a while.

"Just coming," he yelled back, shaking the stiffness from his limbs as he walked - seriously how long had he been zones out for? - and trying to school his face into something a bit more cheery so that he didn't worry Dean.

His feelings were his cross to bear, and he refused to burden Dean with it too.

Dean was too wonderful to have to worry about anything, especially something which really wouldn't have anything to do with him. It wasn't like Castiel wanted to do anything with his feelings, whether Dean cared about them or not.

"Is everything okay?" Dean asked hesitantly when Cas walked past, his hand twitching as though he wanted to reach out, but was stopping himself.

"Everything's fine," Cas promised, reaching out to swipe his hand through Dean's hair, the gentle touch all but turning Dean to mush. He felt wrong using Dean's desire for touch to distract him from his worries, but at the same time he couldn't regret it when Dean sent him a dazzling smile and relaxed into his touch, and whatever the real reason Cas started touching Dean was, it was his smile which meant he was still touching him a minute later. "Have you finished cooking?"

"Almost," Dean said, his eyes half lidded, almost as though he was drunk. Cas couldn't help but wonder how desperate he must have been for touch, even with the touches Cas had been giving him already, that he reacted like this.

"Alright, do you have a timer?" He didn't want their food to burn because Cas was busy distracting Dean.

"Yeah," Dean hummed, "it'll be done in a minute, that's why I came to call you in."

"Can I ask you a question Dean?" Cas asked carefully, shifting his hand so it was cupping the back of Dean's neck and scratching at the short hair there.

"Go ahead," Dean said easily.

"When was the last time someone touched you? At all?"

"Right now? And before that, earlier when I was in my wolf form." Castiel knew Dean wasn't being purposefully difficult, but they both knew Dean knew exactly what he was asking.

"Dean," he said warningly.

"Probably when I was ten," Dean sighed, "just before Sam decided that dad was right about me."

"That's a long time to go without touch," Castiel muttered quietly. Dean heard him anyway, shrugging as though it didn't bother him, though he way he leant into any nice touch said otherwise.

The timer beeped just then, breaking their moment and causing Dean to pull away to go and pull what looked like a hot pot out the oven, it was steaming deliciously, and smelt even better, which wasn't a surprise seeing as Dean was the one who cooked it.

"This looks delicious," Castiel smiled, grabbing some plates out and setting the table, and if he spent most of their meal with his leg brushing against Dean's, then that was just because his table was too small.

It was very late by the time they finished up, so mainly due to mutual exhaustion they both headed straight to bed, taking it in turns to use the bathroom and getting changed while the other one was brushing their teeth.

They didn't say anything when they both found themselves in Castiel's room, but Cas left the covers on one side of the bed turned back so Dean knew he was welcome if he wanted to get in, and it didn't take long until their were curled up together all over again, Castiel's hand stroking Dean's hip while Dean's head rested on his chest over his heart.

Chapter Text

Castiel woke up that morning just like he had the morning before. He was warm, comfortable, his hand was resting softly on top of Dean's hip, and his nose was being tickled by the soft hair on the top of Dean's head in a way that really should have been unpleasant, but was actually just strangely domestic. A small smile spread across his face for a moment as he enjoyed the warm feeling in his gut, before his thoughts unexpectedly turned to what Charlie had said the day before.

He didn't really want to be thinking about all that this early in the morning, a slight cloud of sleep still hovering over him, especially not right now, with Dean a warm weight in his arms enough to make him almost want to agree with everything Charlie had said.

He didn't want to unbind his magic, he didn't want to bond with Dean… but at the same time… he wanted to keep Dean with him, by his side, forever. He wanted Dean to sleep in his arms every night and he wanted to wake up like this every morning.

And that was a dangerous thing to want.

Dean made a few quiet snuffling noises, and then his eyes were blinking open as he woke, the green of his eyes emerging like plants in the spring. He was beautiful as he emerged from his dreams, sleepy grumbles escaping his throat as he returned to the land of the living.

"Good morning Dean," Cas smiled warmly, lightly running his fingers through Dean's light hair, twisting a strand around his finger.

"'orning," Dean mumbled in reply, quiet enough that Castiel wouldn't have heard him if he hadn't been literally pressed against him. Dean bent his back as he stretched his limbs out groaning happily at the feeling.

"How do you feel about going for a picnic today?" Castiel asked, only just thinking of it on the spot, but realising that he really did want to do it. "There's a lake nearby which we could visit." Castiel hadn't gone to see it in a while, hadn't had the energy to go and enjoy nature, but maybe this time, with Dean by his side, it would be nice.

"A picnic at a lake," Dean smiled, his eyes taking on a slightly hazy hue in the way they always did when he was thinking about the past, "that sounds lovely. I'd love to go." There was a slight hesitancy in Dean's voice, the kind which told Castiel that Dean had almost definitely never done that kind of thing before, even if he'd wanted to.

"Perfect. We'll have some breakfast, and pack the bags. It's not an overly long walk." Castiel was… Excited. Excited to get outside and go on a walk and enjoy nature in a way he couldn't remember feeling for a while. Dean really must be good for him, and Castiel could only hope he was helping the familiar in return.

"Great! Can we have waffles for breakfast?"

Castiel shrugged, "sure we can." And if the way Dean looked at him in response to that was anything to go off, Castiel had the feeling he was helping plenty.

"Ready to go?" Castiel asked, securing the last strap of his rucksack. He'd apparently grown a lot since he'd last used it, and he'd had to redo all the straps to make it sit correctly across his shoulders. Dean had the other rucksack on, the straps adjusted so that it fit him properly, and he was pretty much jumping up and down in excitement as he waited for Castiel to say it was time. 

His enthusiasm was pretty infectious.

"Yup!" Dean laughed, holding on to the straps of his rucksack as he walked alongside Cas. They headed off in the opposite direction to last time, heading away from the rest of civilization instead of towards it.

They didn't really talk much as they walked, the warm sun streaming down on them and making them both way too hot. Instead they just gazed around, Castiel seeing the forest he'd lived in for the last seven years in a whole new light now that he had Dean walking beside him, staring open mouthed at every new thing he passed. Castiel knew that Dean had spent most of his life in a forest, which left him wondering how confined Dean had been, for all of this to be new to him.

"Is the lake close?" Dean asked, his voice low as though he was worried about shattering the tranquility of the forest. Castiel knew that wouldn't happen, knew he could scream at the top of his lungs and the peace of the forest wouldn't be affected, it would just keep on going like it always did.

That didn't stop him from matching Dean's volume when he replied.

"Not too far," Castiel promised, looking around the forest around them to try and find some kind of market so he could say exactly how far it was going to be. He recognised the large rock they were just passing - it looked a little bit like a large rabbit, if the rabbit was incredibly deformed. If he remembered correctly the lake was about half  a mile away, though admittedly he'd never actually measured it before. "You'll know it when we get there."

Dean nodded, turning his head to the sky and breathing in deeply, his eyelashes fluttering. Castiel wondered what he could smell that Castiel himself couldn't, knowing that his familiar nose would be a lot more sensitive than his own.

"I love the smell of your forest," Dean breathed happily, a pleased rumble starting up in his chest which made the brightness from before bubble up in Castiel's stomach. Dean was happy, and feeling safe enough to rumble, and it was at least partly thanks to Castiel.

He wanted Dean to always be happy… preferably with him, however much he hated the thought. Because Castiel had done things Dean couldn't even begin to imagine. Surely if Dean was going to stay with someone forever, he deserved the chance to bond properly, to bond with a witch who didn't have their magic bound. Charlie had to be wrong. Castiel

Someone who wasn't Castiel.

"What're you thinking about?" Dean asked, breaking Castiel from his thoughts and turning his attention back to the familiar. Dean's expression was open and warm, his eyes sparkling in a way they hadn't even when they were back at Castiel's cabin. Dean suited being outside, and he was breathtaking in the warm air of the forest.

"Something Charlie said yesterday," Cas admitted slowly. "I guess it's got me wondering if she's right."

"She often is," Dean shrugs, though he clearly has no idea what Castiel is talking about. "I've not known her very long, but from the times I've talked to her, and why she said when we were talking on her website, I think you can trust whatever she said."

And yeah. Castiel was worried about that.

"Yes," Castiel agreed quietly, his gaze caring on Dean's back when he turned his attention back to the woods around them. Cas couldn't deny that Dean was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen, nor could he say that Dean's soul was so pure it blinded him. But a bond? A permanent tie between Dean and Castiel? Did Cas even want that? And even more importantly, did he deserve that?

They arrived at the lake an immeasurable amount of time later. The water was surprisingly clear, especially in the shallower areas, and the sun reflected off it in a way that Castiel could imagine being in some kind of holiday brochure. The banks sloped gradually down to the water, gentle enough that they would be able to have their picnic there without falling in, and the trees surrounding the lake shook in the light breeze, mixing with the birdsong to make a beautiful chorus.

Castiel had been here many times, and he could never remember it being this beautiful!

But then he turned his head and saw Dean, his eyes dazzling as he gazed at the water, a massive grin spread across his face as he took the lake in, as his feet shifted as though the only thing stopping him from running forwards was the fact he didn’t know where he would run first. If Castiel had thought the lake was beautiful, Dean proved him wrong a million times over.

“Wow,” Dean breathed, his head turning to stare at Castiel for just a moment before he returned his gaze to the lake, as though looking away for more than a moment was impossible. “This place is amazing! How did you find it?”

Castiel chuckled, starting to walk to a nice piece of grass for them to sit on. He grabbed Dean’s wrist when it became clear the familiar wasn’t going to look away from their surroundings, not wanting Dean to accidentally fall into the lake because he’d been too busy staring at the sky. The feeling of Dean’s skin under his palm was indescribable, but Castiel forced himself to continue rather than letting himself get overtaken by the feeling.

“I’ve lived in my cabin for seven years,” Castiel explained, “I’ve had a lot of time to explore.”

“Are there more places like this one?”

Castiel thought about his answer carefully, shaking the blanket they had brought and placing it down to have something to do with his hands. “None quite as nice as this one,” he eventually said, “but there are some beautiful places. I’ll show you sometime, it’ll be good to get us both out into the fresh air.”

“That’d be nice,” Dean agreed with a soft grin, dropping heavily onto the blanket and pulling his rucksack off. “I’ve always loved forests, must be the wolf in me,” he tipped his head back, closing his eyes against the harsh light of the sun as it warmed his face. “This one though,” he laughed quietly, “this one is something special.”

“Oh yeah?” Castiel had no idea what Dean was talking about, but he knew Dean would explain it. He sat down on the blanket next to the familiar, the blanket not quite big enough meaning they had to sit close together, their arms close enough that Cas could feel Dean's warmth on his skin. If he just shifted a tiny bit, their arms would brush.

“Yeah. Feels different. Magical.”

"I've never noticed," Castiel said, though that wasn't completely true. Something had called him to move to that cabin when he was looking for somewhere to get away, and it hadn't just been it's isolation.

"No," Dean hums, his shifting making their bare arms brush for just a millisecond before he shifted away again, Castiel feeling the brush of skin like a brand. "It's subtle, just a part of nature really. I wouldn't be surprised if your bound magic couldn't sense it."

Castiel felt like Dean had something more he wanted to say, but he didn't really want to hear it. He didn't want their trip to the lake ruined by the somber mood that was descending over their blanket, so he quickly changed the subject, hoping that Dean wouldn't try to keep them there.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to eat now or wait for a bit?" Dean didn't call him out on his not subtle at all topic change, just leaned back on his hands and seemed to carefully think about it.

"Eat now," he said with a grin, "that walk wore me out and I am starving!"

Castiel chucked as he reached into the rucksack he'd been wearing, pulling out a couple of containers of food they'd brought. Dean had been carrying the water and the dessert - leftover cake from Charlie's visit - and so he grabbed the water out while leaving the rest in there for later. Castiel couldn't help the smile that spread across his face when he opened up the food, handing some to Dean who accepted it like it was Michelin star quality, instead of just a sandwich Castiel had thrown together with the contents of his fridge.

Things were pretty good, and he was so glad he'd had the idea to come here, and even more glad that Dean had agreed.

Chapter Text

“So, the water,” Dean started hesitantly, rubbing the back of his neck and refusing to look up from the bare patch of grass he was staring at. Castiel instantly perked to attention, looking up from the sandwich he was just finishing up. He had no idea where Dean was going with this, but he sounded so hesitant he knew he needed to pay attention. Dean was doing better, but he was still hesitant when asking for things he wanted, even though he really didn't need to be. Castiel would give him the world, if only Dean would ask.

“The water,” he prompted when a couple of moments passed in silence and Dean still hadn’t done anything more than just fiddle with the blanket they were sitting on and avoid Cas' eyes. He was switching between staring at the sky and staring at the surroundings, but each time Dean's eyes ended up drifting to the lake, staring almost longingly at the water.

“Is it as clean as it looks?” Dean looked highly uncomfortable while asking it, his shoulders curling forwards as though he felt the need to protect himself, looking almost like he thought he was asking something forbidden or wrong, and was expecting to get told off for it. Castiel suddenly realised what Dean was actually asking, seeing between the lines of what he was saying and what he was working his way towards.

“Yes it's clean enough to swim in,” Castiel smiled, making eye contact with Dean when the familiar's head shot up in surprise. Clearly he wasn't used to being read as easily as Castiel was reading him. Maybe he wasn't used to people paying enough attention to be able to read him, but if there was one thing Castiel did, it was pay attention. “It’s always nice to dip in to cool off, though it's probably best not to go too deep." He watched for a moment, unable to stop his fond smile when he saw how Dean's eyes lit up and he practically started vibrating in excitement.

"Cool," Dean laughed as he jumped to his feet, sounding almost like he was holding back some of his excitement. Castiel wondered how many times people had taken things away from Dean just because he was excited about it, and promised himself he'd make sure it never happened to Dean again. The familiar turned around as though he was about to jump in, but paused and turned back at the last moment, shifting his weight from side to side as he fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt. "I don't suppose you'll join me?"

Honestly, Castiel wasn't a fan of swimming. He'd loved it when he was younger, but he hadn't been for a while, and even back then swimming in lakes had never been his thing. He'd always really rather preferred staying where he could see what was going on at his feet, and right now he was much happier staying where it was dry and warm. But… Dean looked so excited and Castiel knew he couldn't say no to puppy eyes like those.

"Sure I will," he smiled, standing up and making sure none of their picnic supplies were going to blow away if he left it all unattended. He looked over at Dean, and found that he wasn't even dreading going in the lake with him. Maybe he didn't love swimming, but he did love spending time with Dean, and he did love making the familiar happy.

Dean's grin grew even more as he turned back to the water, throwing himself forward still fully clothed. He was four legged and furry before he even touched the water, his fur spreading out around him and with how thick it was, Castiel was surprised he didn't sink as he got waterlogged. A loud bark reminded Castiel that he was supposed to be joining him.

Castiel stripped off his clothes down to his boxers, which would have to work as makeshift trunks, seeing as he didn't exactly have another form to shift into like Dean had and he refused to walk home in wet clothes.

Dean barked again, all four of his legs working furiously to keep him in place while he glared at Castiel, waiting for him to join Dean in the water. "I'm coming, I'm coming," he called with a chuckle, taking a run-up to jump in the cold lake, knowing that if he didn't throw himself into the water quickly, he would never get in.

By the time he surfaced from his jump Dean was somehow even wetter than before and glaring at him. If looks could kill, then Cas might have started drowning at that very moment.

"I didn't know that wolves could look so murderous," Castiel mused with a smirk, "congratulations Dean, you've proved me wrong!" The look he was being sent got even more murderous, but it was definitely fond as well, and Castiel felt the warm fluttery feeling he'd started associating with whenever Dean was just being Dean.

They swam for a long time, the sun still just about strong enough to keep them warm even in the cold water. Castiel spent most of the time floating in place staring at the sky and watching the clouds, while Dean did doggy paddle around him and stretched his legs, clearly enjoying the chance to exercise after spending so long in Castiel's cabin. They even played a short game of fetch, until Dean decided it was way too undignified and refused to carry on chasing after the stick Castiel was throwing.

"Don't you dare," Castiel laughed as Dean clawed his way out the lake, his fur heavy with water and determination clear in his eyes. "Dean! Don't you dare!" Castiel tried to escape, but he was no match for Dean's speed and within moments Dean had caught up to him and was shaking his fur out, showering Castiel with wet dog scented droplets.

"You're disgusting!" Castiel gasped, shaking his arms off to try and get the water off, and jumping back into the lake when that didn't work, figuring that if he was going to be wet, he might as well not smell as well. "Why did I let you stay again?" he asked with a breathless laugh.

"Because I'm adorable," Dean replied, shifting back into human form, "and I make your life so much more interesting." Castiel couldn't argue with that, so instead he climbed out the lake and started chasing Dean around the grassy bank, threatening to push him in.

Eventually they both collapsed back into the blanket, laughing and gasping for breath. Dean grabbed their drinks out from the bag, tossing one of the bottles to Castiel - which he drained in one gulp - and keeping one for himself. They didn't speak for a while, both of them just catching their breath and watching the clouds, but there was a comfortable feeling between them, like friends who had known each other forever.

Castiel almost couldn't believe that he'd only known Dean a couple of days. It felt like Dean had been in his life years, he trusted him more than some people he had known since he was a small child, but the fact was he hadn't. Dean was just a random familiar who had collapsed in his garden, who had somehow found his way under all of Castiel's defences and become a massive part of his life.

"Out of all the gardens to collapse in," Dean murmured to the sky, so quietly and off topic that Castiel almost thought he'd misheard.

"What was that?"

Dean chuckled quietly, as though he hadn't expected to be overheard, and Castiel had the feeling that if he looked over the familiar would be blushing beautiful. "I was just thinking. When I ran, I didn't think about where I was going, I just picked a direction and I ran."

"Yes, that seems like the logical thing to do if you don't want anyone to be able to find you," Cas agreed quietly, watching a couple of oddly shaped clouds float past above their heads, it was a beautiful day, and it almost seemed ironic to be having such a heavy conversation in the warmth of the sun.

"So many places I could have gone, and yet I ended up here."

"Do you believe in fate?" Castiel asked knowing that that was where their conversation was heading. He was actually pretty interested in the answer, although he normally hated any and all conversations about higher powers. A lot had happened in Dean's life after all, not all of it good - most of it very bad - and Castiel couldn't help wondering where that left him. Did he believe something had pulled the strings, had written the story, and left him to withstand such pain? Castiel couldn't imagine it. His life had been half as horrible, half as pain-filled as Dean's had been, and yet he couldn't believe in some kind of being out there making choices. If it was out there, why would it choose to hurt so many people?

"Yes," Dean answered confidently, before adding slightly slower, "and also no."

"What does that mean?"

"I believe some things are affected by fate, and some things are only changed by yourself and other people."

Castiel thought about that for a moment, reaching above his head to pick some of the grass, and then fiddling with it. He couldn't imagine Dean's theory in reference with his own life. How would you know what was fate and what was just people? Because people could cause all the bad in the world they wanted, but they still caused good. Not all bad in the world was people, and not all good was fate, so where would you draw the line?

"What do you mean?" he asked instead of voicing all of that.

"I guess," Dean paused for a moment, his fingers clenching and unclenching in the blanket by his hip. "My dad. Everything he did to me, was by his own choice. He was the one in control of that. You looking after me, and everything you've done for me, is also just people, no fate made you be good. However, me finding my way into your garden, that was fate."

"So," Castiel squinted at one of the clouds above them, "fate is just going around giving people pushes to be where they are supposed to be?"

"Yeah, exactly," Dean agreed, an audible smile in his voice. "You know, I don't think anyone's ever understood me before when I've tried to talk to them about this."

Castiel rolled his head to look at Dean, watching as the sun danced over his freckles and how his eyes shone in the light. He was… breathtaking, beautiful, awe-inspiring, glorious, Castiel didn't think there were enough descriptors in any human languages to explain just what Dean was.

"Oh," Castiel whispered quietly to himself. Charlie was right. He loved Dean, wanted to spend the rest of his life by the familiar side, but he also wanted… more than that.

He wanted everything.

He wanted to be connected to Dean in every way possible. He wanted to bond with him, for their magic and their very being to be one.

And when Dean looked over, and a bright smile bloomed on his face as they made eye contact, his entire being seeming to brighten as they stared at each other, Castiel couldn't help but think that maybe it was something Dean wanted too.

"We should head back," Dean murmured quietly, "or else we're going to be caught walking through the forest in the dark, and I think I've done enough of that for one lifetime."

"Yeah," Castiel agreed, standing up and packing away their bags, glancing over at Dean every few seconds and smiling fondly when he found Dean already looking back.

He wasn't going to just rush into anything, he refused to. He wasn't just going to forget his entire past just because one cute familiar had found a way past all his defences, but it also didn't mean he had to continue locking Dean out. He could let him in, he could stop fighting against this so hard, and just see where things went.

Dean's hand brushed against his when he was helping the familiar fold the blanket, his skin warm and smooth and sending tingles through Castiel, and the bashful smiles they both sent each other made something in Castiel's stomach start to stir.

He had the feeling that things were going to go to good places, very good places, he just had to let it happen.

Chapter Text

The walk back to the cabin felt much faster than the way there, though that might have just been a trick of Castiel's memory. It did always seem to end up like that. Going home always took less time than leaving. Maybe it was something to do with souls, yearning to stay where they belong instead of leaving their place of safety. Castiel knew it was probably just because on the way back you already know the journey, so your memory doesn't store as much information, but at the same time, he preferred the idea of souls wanting to return home. He liked the thought that there could be a place you belonged so completely, it hurt to leave it.

Though, he mused, glancing over as Dean as they both stepped over a particularly adventurous root, maybe that sense of belonging didn't have to be a place.

He quickly shook that thought away, hurrying up his steps a bit so that he was no longer walking with Dean in the corner of his eye. Thoughts like that were foolish, the kind of sappy thing a true romantic would say. Castiel refused to be sappy about this. Not when he knew that the more attached to loving Dean he got, the more it would hurt if he ever needed to stop.

By the time they made it back the sun was setting, casting a golden glow across the forest that Castiel would never get tired of seeing, and making Dean's eyes sparkle with warmth every time he looked over at Castiel. He was certain his own eyes were sparkling when he looked back, whether from the setting sun or the unshed tears in his eyes, and Castiel was thankful that it was either too dark, or Dean wasn't paying enough attention, for the familiar to see the tear tracks on his face.

It was a funny thing.

He wasn't sad, not like he had been before Dean came to stay. No, he was crying because he was happy. But also because… he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve Dean and he didn't deserve Charlie and he didn't deserve to see the beauty of nature and he didn't deserve to be happy.

"What're you thinking about?" Dean asked, breaking the silence of nighttime air and drawing Castiel's attention back to the familiar.

"I- I need to tell you something," Castiel replied, only realizing he was going to say it as he spoke. He hadn't planned this, if anything he'd planned to never do this, but it was true, he really did need to tell Dean the truth.

"What is it? Is everything okay?" Dean asked, and there was raw concern in his voice. It made something in Castiel relax, and something else inside him tense up in dread. Dean was so good. So caring. So kind. And all Castiel could think about was the light draining out of a pair of equally kind blue eyes.

He needed to tell the truth.

“It’s about my past,” Castiel muttered, and when he lifted his hands he found them shaking.

“Okay,” Dean said, his voice steady but his eyes screaming with uncertainty. “Let’s go inside, I’ll- I’ll light the fire.” It was summer, and the sun was only just setting, so Castiel knew there was no need for any extra warmth, but he could also understand Dean’s logic. It would be nice to have something to stare at, and he knew Dean would want something to help him feel useful. Castiel could try to argue that Dean was always useful, no matter what he did, but he knew that it would be much easier to just agree.

“Okay, I’ll grab us a snack," Castiel finally said, "I'll meet you in the sitting room in a minute." The familiar nodded and then walked inside, leaving Castiel outside for a minute. He actually couldn't believe he was doing this. He'd promised himself for so long that he'd never endanger another familiar, and then Dean had burst into his life, and he'd never gotten around to telling Dean the truth, had hidden it for both their sakes, and now apparently he was going to tell Dean anyway.

Was he regretting this already? Definitely. Was that going to stop him? It hadn't yet.

He hurried to the kitchen and rootled the kitchen cupboards until he found the Doritos which he never ate - Charlie just always brought them for whenever she visited - and Dean hadn't found yet. It wouldn't be enough to keep them going for the rest of the evening, but it would be enough for until Castiel finished his story. He wasn't sure how much he was going to be able to say, but hopefully it would be enough for Dean to understand.

The fire was already lit by the time he made it to the sitting room, Dean was on the couch, leaning against the arm with a wide vulnerable look in his eyes. Castiel could tell he was seriously worrying the familiar, which wasn't misplaced but hadn't been his plan either, and reminded himself to get this over with quickly, if for no other reason than to  get rid of the anticipation Dean was sure to be feeling.

"Here," Castiel said quietly, passing over the Doritos before taking a seat on the other side of the couch, copying Dean's position and leaning back against the armrest. Dean sat completely still for a moment, before flopping sideways so that his back was pressed against Castiel's chest, and opening the Doritos. Castiel didn't mention the fact that they were basically cuddling, and instead started playing with Dean's hair, staring into the fire as he tried to figure out where he could possibly start his story.

"From the beginning," Dean whispered, not looking away from the flames he was staring intently at.

"Pardon?"

"You're trying to decide where to start your story," Dean shrugged, as though he hadn't practically just read Castiel's mind, "I'd suggest you start at the beginning."

"I suppose that would be smart," Castiel snorted quietly, once again being reminded why it was Dean he was trusting his story with. Dean was everything Castiel wished he could be. It made sense to trust him with the knowledge of the man Castiel truly was.

"When I was younger," Castiel started hesitantly, his voice wobbly as he locked his gaze onto the fire and tried to stop the memories from eating him alive, "I had a best friend. He was a familiar, a year older than me. Balthazar. Back then he seemed like a grown-up, even though he was only eleven." Castiel could see Dean's kind racing, clearly trying to figure everything out. Probably trying to figure out what Balth had to do with this whole mess, probably trying to figure out why Charlie was the only familiar Castiel had ever mentioned if Balthazar existed.

"What is Balthazar like?"

Castiel couldn't hold back the bitter noise that escaped his throat. "Balthazar was one of the greatest people I've ever known. He was playful, and funny, clever - though he didn't like showing it - and most of the time he only looked out for himself, which just meant when he started looking out for me too, it- I just remember feeling blessed. Every kid our age wanted to be Balthazar's friend, but instead he ran around with me. We talked about everything." Castiel realised with detached interest that this was the most he'd talked about Balthazar in a while. He'd not stopped thinking about him, and what happened, but he kind of stopped thinking about Balth as the friend he had been, and it was nice to remember his personality, even if remembering how bright he had shone hurt.

"What happened to him?" Dean whispered, pressing himself back against Castiel as though he knew Cas needed the comfort.

"Balthazar is dead." The words hurt just as much this time as they had fifteen years before, when Balthazar's grief stricken dad had dropped by his house, only staying long enough to pass on the news before he got out of there. His watery eyes and emotionless voice had haunted Castiel for years, echoing through his dreams every time he relaxed too much and let himself remember the past.

Not that he'd ever managed to actually forget it.

"What happened to him?" Dean asked, and the look on his face might as well have been a punch in the face for the amount it hurt. Dean looked so sympathetic, like he understood and like his heart was going out to Castiel, like he was minute away from spouting something about condolences and how he was sorry for Castiel's loss.

Because he didn't understand. He couldn't understand yet. Castiel didn't deserve any of this. Not when it was his own fault that Balthazar was gone.

"I killed him," Castiel growled, his hands clenched into fists as tears started running down his face, "Balthazar is dead, and it's my fault."

"What- I-" Dean was spluttering, his eyes wide as he craned his neck, trying to make eye contact with Castiel.

"That's why my magic is bound," Castiel continued, quickly reaching up to wipe his cheeks, "I needed to make sure I would never do it again, so I bound my magic, and I moved out here as soon as I could."

"I don't-" Dean pushed himself upright, twisting round until he was sitting opposite Castiel, their knees touching and Dean's wide green eyes meeting Castiel's watery blue ones. "What happened? What did you do?"

"I killed him. It was a mistake, and I've regretted it every day, but it was still my fault."

"That doesn't explain what you did!"

"It doesn't matter what I did! Balthazar is dead, and he's never coming back! And it's because of me. End of story!"

Castiel could see Dean's mind turning, trying to fill in the gaps, but Castiel wasn't going to help. If he could figure it out, good for him, but he wasn't going to relive the past just so that Dean could hear the full story. He'd heard enough. All that really mattered, was that Balth had so much life left to live, and Castiel had taken that away from him.

"No," Dean shook his head, a passion in his eyes that told Castiel where this was going before Dean even opened his mouth. "I don't care what you say. I know you Cas. I trust you."

"You shouldn't," Castiel whispered watery, "what if I hurt you?"

Dean chuckled, leaning forwards until his head was resting on Castiel's shoulder. "We've been over this Cas. You saved me. You'll never hurt me."

Castiel reached up hesitantly, rubbing his hand along the length of Dean's back. This was why he cared about Dean. This was why the familiar broke down all his walls and wriggled inside, getting further and further in every day.

This was why he loved Dean.

"You don't have a violent bone in your body," Dean teased quietly, "whatever happened, I know it was an accident, and I don't hold it against you. I just wish you could find it within yourself to forgive yourself."

"You sound like Charlie," Castiel muttered, "she's been telling me this for years."

"Well then I'm definitely right," Dean grinned, "because if anyone knows you, it's Charlie."

"Maybe," Castiel muttered, tightening his arms around Dean and closing his eyes for a long moment. He couldn't forgive himself, not for what he did, but it meant a lot to him that Dean could. He hadn't scared Dean off yet, and if that didn't do anything, he didn't think anything could.

He guessed he'd be stuck with Dean for the near future, and he did not have a problem with that.

Castiel was getting too tired to cook anything super proper, but Charlie had brought some pasta and he had lots of vegetables he'd grown himself, do he was quickly able to whip up some pasta and sauce for them to eat quietly, the only noises a few murmurs of appreciation and a little bit of small talk. Once they were done they returned to the couch, not even noticing when they started off with some space between them, and unconsciously migrated so their shoulders were pressed together.

"We should probably head to bed," Dean said a few minutes of quiet companionship later. It was getting pretty late, and to be completely honest the thought of just curling up in bed with Dean in his arms was getting pretty inviting right about now. They really needed to talk about things, a lot of things, but that would have to wait for a different day, because it was late and Castiel was tired and he was way too emotionally drained to talk about anything more right about now.

They headed to bed slowly, putting out the fire and leaving the pans from their food in the sink to soak. Within a couple of minutes they were curled up together, Castiel's hand rubbing Dean's hip, Dean's legs entwined with Castiel's own.

He couldn't believe he still got to have this, even after telling Dean the truth about his past, but he was glad about it anyway. He would always be glad to have Dean in his life, even if he hadn't really wanted him around in the first place.

Chapter Text

The next morning was warm and sunny, a beautiful day and Castiel instantly decided it was a day for gardening. He left Dean in what was now their bed, still asleep, and ate a quick breakfast, before heading out.

He breathed in deeply as he walked, his eyelashes fluttering as the scent of nature and fresh warm air filled his lungs. It made him feel alive. Nature always did, but in the summer when it was warm and his flowers were in full bloom, it was even better than normal.

The small shed at the end of his garden was filled with all the tools he needed, so he grabbed the trowel and spent a good while turning over the earth and checking all his plants. He moved some plants around, and did a tiny bit of deadheading while he was at it, and before he knew it Dean was at his side. Dressed, but still yawning, Dean shuffled next to him, staring at the soil and blinking slowly.

"You don't look like you want to be awake," Castiel chuckled, squinting against the sun in order to look up at Dean.

"No," Dean grumbled quietly, though Castiel could tell the smell of the garden and the fresh air was already improving his mood. "The bed was cold when I woke up." Castiel turned his face towards the ground to hide his smile. It was definitely not the cold that Dean was bothered about, and he couldn't help but think the familiar was cute.

"I'm sorry Dean. I woke up early and wanted to get into the garden, but I figured you wouldn't want to be woken so early."

"I would have preferred you waking me up," Dean whispered, and Castiel knew he couldn't disagree with a face like that. Dean was just… everything, and Castiel would give him the world if he could.

"I'll bear that in mind," Castiel promised softly. "Do you want to help me out here?"

"Yeah," Dean agreed, "I'll eat some breakfast quickly, and then come out." Dean stood there for a moment without moving, worrying his hands together as he continued staring at Castiel. For a long moment he didn't break the eye contact, and neither did Castiel, some external force drawing them together.

The moment was broken by a flock of birds taking flight somewhere in the forest, and next thing Castiel knew Dean was walking back inside, his hands in his pockets as though nothing had ever happened.

Castiel supposed it was true, nothing had happened. It didn't feel that way though.

He sighed loudly to himself, turning back to the rosebush he was deadheading and tried to ignore the feelings churning inside his gut. There had been something magical there, something sparking between them. Castiel shook his head. He needed to stop overthinking and just let nature run its course. If fate brought Dean to him, then fate would make sure the cards fell correctly.

And Castiel was certain that it had been fate which brought Dean to him.

Two days ago, he would have laughed at just the thought of it, but Dean had somewhat convinced him. Maybe he wasn't entirely sure of which interpretation brought Dean to his garden, but he liked the thought that something bigger than either of them had decided that Dean's place was by Castiel's side.

The door opened again revealing Dean, an actual awake smile on his face now he'd eaten, and his clothes exchanged for some which he wouldn't mind getting messy.

"Should I start on the watering?" Dean called, gesturing at where Castiel kept his watering cans.

"Sure," Cas called back, finishing up the rose he was working on and moving onto the next one - he really needed to either trim them down, or get rid of one of his bushes, but they were so beautiful in the summer he couldn't bring himself to do it - "there is a water butt next to the shed if you need any more water." He'd bought it when he first moved in, and had never regretted having easy access to rainwater to use on his garden.

"Okay, thanks," Dean grinned, grabbing the first watering can and heading to the opposite end of the garden to where Castiel was to start watering.

The hours passed quickly, and by the time they were done Castiel was certain that his garden had never looked better. Maybe it was the way the sun was shining down on the plants, maybe it was the way Dean's eyes sparkled when he proudly looked over the garden once they were done, just staring at what all their hard work had done, maybe it was something else. Castiel didn't think it mattered. All that mattered was that it was a beautiful day, and Dean was by his side.

"Beautiful," Dean grinned, stepping forwards to lightly run his finger along the leaf of the nearest bush. "I never knew gardening could be so rewarding," he chuckled, "I always thought it was just mud and flowers that died within a day, but this- Cas you've done an amazing job with this."

Castiel shrugged, gently knocking the back of his hand against Dean's, "thank you Dean. That means a lot to me."

"It's your baby," Dean agreed with complete understanding in his voice, before it changed to what sounded like sadness. "Your baby."

"Baby?" For one terrifying moment Castiel thought that Dean had a child, someone he'd lost when he'd run, or something like that.

"My dad's car," Dean chuckled, "I kept her running, made sure she kept on purring. She was my pride and joy, I wish-" he didn't finish, but Castiel knew what he was going to say. He wished he'd been able to take the car when he ran. He wished that he hadn't had to lose every good part of his life in order to lose all the bad.

"I understand."

"Yeah, I know you do," Dean smiled sadly. They stayed quiet for a long time, both of them just watching the garden and mourning their losses. Eventually, Castiel had enough of the heavy silence. He grabbed his gardening scissors, and started walking around, gathering some of the herbs and leaves that he grew, that could be used in potions. He didn't know why, it wasn't like he was going to use them… But he couldn't stop thinking… maybe he would. Or maybe Dean could use his magic - with Castiel's help he would almost definitely be able to create the spark needed for potions.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked, trailing behind him in confusion.

"Collecting potion ingredients. I should be able to do simple ones, and I'm fairly certain you'd be able to as well." Dean didn't say anything, but Castiel could see his small smile, his slightly sad smile. Castiel didn't ask, they'd both had enough sad moments for today.

"How do potions work anyway?" Castiel looked over at the familiar, finding genuine curiosity on his face.

"It's surprisingly simple actually," Cas started, "everything in this world has magic in it. Leaves, rocks, normal humans, anything you can think of. Most things can't access it all. Now, admittedly I don't know what's different about witches which means we can access it, but witches can reach the magic inside them and control it."

"And familiars?"

"Same as witches, but your magic manifests differently. You can reach it, but your control is different."

Dean nods in understanding, "so potions?"

"Yes, potions. Basically when you mix a potion, you mix all the correct fractions of magic together to make up the magic of the spell, and then with a tiny spark of witch magic - or I suspect familiar magic - it all gets bound together to become an entire spell."

Real excitement appeared in Dean's eyes, his entire being perking up at Castiel's words. "So, I could do magic?" The desperation which underlaid his tone worried Castiel.

"Yes, I think, maybe? I guess we'll find out," Castiel shrugged.

"Can we do it now?"

Castiel thought for a long moment. "I don't see why not," he agreed, though he couldn't help but feel like it was a mistake. Dean wanted to do magic, that wasn't a problem, but it… It kind of was. It was when it was Dean. Dean, who had been looked down on his entire life for being a familiar - for not being able to do magic.

"Great! Let's go then!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The workroom was busier than Castiel though it had probably ever been. Ingredients were spread out on every surface, grouped by which potion they were needed for, and the small cauldron - cliché Castiel knew, Charlie was the one who had brought it, and Castiel didn't have anything better to use - which had sat empty for the past seven years was being filled for the first time ever.

"That's it," Castiel smiled, chopping some leaves up while Dean carefully crushed some nuts using the flat edge of the knife Castiel had handed him. There was a look of concentration on his face, like he was terrified of getting it wrong, but he also seemed so happy that Castiel just carried on chopping, carried on giving out instructions.

"Alright, put that in the cauldron, and I'll put these in," Castiel said, waiting until Dean was done before carefully sliding all the leaves in. Dean poured the water in without Castiel even needing to tell him to, and then it was ready.

"This is it?"

"Yeah," Castiel hummed, "that's the full potion. Are you ready?"

Dean shrugged awkwardly, "I guess," he muttered, and then he was holding his hands out over the cauldron, just as Castiel had told him to earlier, his eyes screwed up and his entire face frozen as he turned all his awareness inside, to the magic which he had never really had to think about to use before.

For a long moment, nothing happened, and Castiel thought that maybe he was wrong, maybe familiars couldn't use potions.

And then… A spark.

It was weak, probably even weaker than Castiel's bound magic - familiar magic was never supposed to be used in this way after all - but it was definitely there. It wasn't make a strong potion, but… Castiel was fairly sure it would make a potion, and wasn't that the entire point of this?

The cauldron's contents started glowing, almost definitely heating up under Dean's hands, and when he opened his eyes and looked down, Castiel could see him barely holding back a shout of joy.

"Well done Dean," Castiel smiled, walking over and gently picking up the caldron, pouring it's contents into a bottle which he then carefully labeled 'Dean's waterproofing potion'. Waterproofing potions were pretty useful, just a splash of potion on a book, and water and dirt would slide away like water off a duck's back. Very useful for clumsy people who often found themselves spilling their coffee over.

"Will it work?"

"Yes," Castiel promised, "admittedly it's not going to be very strong, but it'll work."

Dean looked very proud of himself as he stared at the potion, but there was something else there, Dean's smile dropped the longer he stared at the potion, and memories seemed to be dancing behind Dean's eyes. Something had been hovering around Dean ever since Castiel had first suggested he might be able to do some magic like a witch, and Castiel didn't like it.

"Thanks for helping me with that."

"We can try another potion another time," Castiel suggested, wanting to do something to make Dean's smile come back.

"I'm good thanks," Dean said, "it was nice, but potions aren't for familiars."

"That doesn't mean you-"

"No, Cas," Dean interrupted, "I don't want to make any more potions. It's not my thing." There was a vulnerability in Dean's eyes which made Castiel feel like he shouldn't push it.

"Okay, Dean. You're welcome to do anything you want to do, but I won't push if you don't want to."

"Thanks, Cas."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Castiel hummed quietly to himself as he folded some laundry he'd done earlier in the day. He hadn't seen Dean since their potion making adventures, as the familiar had disappeared into his room, and hadn't emerged.

The sound of the door opening behind him drew his attention, and he turned around to find Dean standing just inside the room.

"Hey Cas," Dean said, walking over to stand next to Castiel. He was rubbing the back of his neck in the way he only did when he was nervous about asking something, and Castiel instantly gave him his full attention.

"Yes Dean?"

"Do you think we'd be able to go back into town?"

"Of course. Do you need something?" Castiel wondered what it could be that Dean needed to buy, they'd bought everything they could think of last time, but at the same time he knew that it had been a while since then, and it was highly likely Dean could have only just thought about something.

"No, I just-" Dean paused for a moment, chewing on his lip, "I just thought it might be nice to get out. To go and see how society is doing right now."

"Oh," Castiel muttered quietly, mostly just accidently thinking out loud. Why hadn't he even thought of that? The thought of wanting to go to town just for the sake of being in town hadn't even crossed his mind. He guessed it made sense, Dean was free for the first time in a while, of course he'd want to get out to see people. And it wasn't like Castiel could think of any reason why they shouldn't.

"Sure, why not." Cas agreed, "we could get a coffee, invite Charlie to meet up with us."

"Really?" Dean grinned happily, "I'd love that!"

"Sounds good. I'll message Charlie to invite her should I?" Castiel tried to hide his own massive, probably dopey, smile. Seeing Dean happy just… Made him happy.

"Thank you Cas."

"You've got nothing to thank me for," Castiel assured, "I'm just doing what any good friend would do."

Friend. Ha. Not exactly what Castiel wanted. And maybe, just possibly, not what Dean wanted either. 

"Doesn't change the fact that you're the one doing it for me right now," Dean replied, raising an eyebrow as though he was daring Cas to argue with him.

Obviously, he didn't dare.

"Okay. Well, I'm glad I can help then." And Dean's happiness definitely made it all worth it.

"That's the spirit Cas."

Chapter Text

The drive to town was a lot louder this time round. There had been a kind of tension hovering around them for most of the previous evening, ever since Dean had tried - and managed - his potion. Thankfully his excitement at getting back into town seemed to melt it all away, and by the time they were actually getting into Cas' car everything was about as normal as it ever was. Castiel was still a bit on edge about the whole thing - he'd never been amazing with crowds, but he'd definitely gotten worse in the time he'd spent isolated - but he made sure to keep his worry hidden. He wouldn't put it past Dean to pick up on it and pretend that he didn't really want to go to town anyway, and they could stay in the cabin instead.

That was definitely not an improvement, especially seeing as this way Castiel got the chance to see Dean's smile, and would hopefully be able to show Dean things both of them had been too anxious to appreciate the first time round.

"Come on Cas," Dean laughed, his head tipped back against the headrest in a way that made Castiel momentarily concerned they were going to crash. Not that he had anything to worry about, Dean drove like he'd been born to sit behind the wheel, like the car was an extension of himself. "You can't expect me to believe that."

"I'm being serious!" Castiel replied, though he couldn't hold back his own laughter.

"You're trying to tell me that you have a brother, who played pranks like that?"

"I don't get why this is confusing you so much!" Castiel had been telling one of his many Gabriel prank stories, this particular one about the time Gabe had switched all the sugar in the house for salt - and vice versa - and then just waited for chaos to reign.

"You're trying to convince me that you - you - are related to someone who is so chaotic that they weren't satisfied with switching the salt and the sugar pots, they just switched it all. I just don't believe it."

Castiel chuckled, the noise rumbling through his chest as his eyes scrunched up. He had never laughed as much as he had since meeting Dean, and at this rate he was going to be covered in laugh lines within the month.

"It's true! Gabriel is actually my brother. Why would I make this up?"

"I don't know," Dean said, "but come on Cas. You're this… and I say this with only love in my heart… you're this stuck up witch with at least two sticks up your ass. And you're telling me your parents also raised some sort of wild trickster?"

"Gabriel was a wild soul," Castiel shrugged, "we were like chalk and cheese, and yet somehow got along surprisingly well."

"When he wasn't ruining your baking with salt. Or tricking you into grinding sugar onto your food."

"Yes exactly," Castiel agreed, "except for then."

The car went silent for a long moment, a question hanging unspoken in the air around them.

"Where is he now?"

And Castiel could only sigh. How he wished he could answer that question. "I don't know. He ran off when I was sixteen, left a note saying he wanted to travel, and that we weren't to come looking. Maybe they found him, but they hadn't by the time I left."

"Do you miss him?" Dean asked, and Castiel could tell he wasn't just thinking about Castiel and his brother.

"Yes, but I'm glad he's out there doing what he loves doing. He'd always talked to me about his dream to travel the world," Castiel smiled, though the action was a little hollow, "I'm glad at least one of us managed to achieve our dreams."

Dean chewed on his lip for a moment, focusing intently on the road in front of them. "What were your dreams?"

"I wanted a life I was happy with," Castiel said slowly, trying to remember his dreams from the long past. He hadn't thought about this stuff for years. "I didn't really have any solid plans. No jobs I wanted. I didn't even know what I wanted to study. I just- I wanted to get away. I wanted to be free and happy."

"What happened to those dreams?"

"I killed Balthazar." Castiel's voice was raw, and he had to wipe the tears that were filling his eyes. The mood in the car had dropped so suddenly, and he hated the fact it was his past that had dragged it down. "Once I did that I knew I needed to stay away from others before I hurt them too."

"Tell me more about Gabriel," Dean requested, his changing of the subject not subtle in the slightest. It was highly appreciated though, so Castiel took it as it was.

"When I was six Gabriel was addicted to Cludo," Castoel started slowly, hoping they'd be able to get their previous joy back. "But he couldn't stand board games, so he somehow managed to convince me and a whole collection of our siblings to play live action Cludo."

"How do you-" Dean furrowed his brow, a small smile spreading across his face as he relaxed into his seat. "Okay seriously, how on earth do you play live action Cludo?"

"Nothing like normal Cludo. But I didn't find that out until I was much older. Just between you and me, Gabriel's version was a lot better than the real version."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Alright," Castiel said with a clap of his hands, jumping out of the car and waiting for Dean to join him. It was quite a warm day, not quite stifling, but the sun was heating their skin nicely, and Castiel turned his face up to the sun with a pleased smile. "Do we desperately need anything?"

"I can't think of anything," Dean said slowly, "but knowing my luck we'll get home and I'll suddenly remember something."

Castiel grinned, bumping his shoulder lightly into Dean's as they slowly started walking towards the town center. "Honestly, same. It just always seems to be the case doesn't it?" They both started laughing at them. The two of them were talking about what was normal for trips into town, with their grand experience of two trips to town in the last five years between them. It was certainly surreal.

Castiel checked his watch, noting they had about half an hour until they were meeting Charlie in the local coffee shop.

"Half an hour," he said quietly to himself, before turning to Dean. "Do you want to do some window shopping? Walk around the shops looking at stuff? That way we are less likely to suddenly realise we desperately need something the second we get back home."

"Sure," Dean agreed easily, "sounds… Interesting at the very least."

"You don't have to pretend to be interested just to avoid hurting my feelings. I'm a big boy, I can take it."

"No, no, it's fine," Dean grinned, his eyes furiously following everything in a way which told Castiel that his senses were probably getting a little overwhelmed. Dean had spent most his life away from towns, one trip hadn't been enough to desensitise him.

"Come on Dean," Castiel said, grabbing Dean's hand and pulling him to the first shop, a small gift shop which Castiel hoped would be quieter than outside. "Let's see what's in here."

Dean didn't argue, following him in and instantly perking up. It was a lot quieter inside, and smelt lightly of lavender. It was one of those places which sold small things, wooden heart decorations, silver looking jewellery, animal covered cushions. Castiel didn't think he'd been inside a shop like this since he'd been a child trying to buy Charlie something for her birthday. Dean wandered to the back of the store, reading the jokey cards and chuckling at a few of the funniest ones, while Castiel decided to have a look at a few of the cushions. He had been wondering if he needed a few more for his cabin.

"Cas!" A cheery voice called from behind the counter. Castiel turned around and found Garth, who had been in Castiel's class at school, and who had apparently never outgrown his weedy stage. Actually, he didn't seem to have changed at all. Just got a little bit taller, and somehow even more cheery.

"Garth, what are you doing here? I thought you wanted to be a dentist?" Castiel asked, walking over to talk to the guy who he'd never counted as a friend, but who Castiel had always gotten along with. Garth wasn't a witch or a familiar, as far as Castiel was aware he was just a normal, though he'd lived around magic his entire life.

"I am a dentist! This is my wife's shop," Garth ginned, "you remember Bess? Well I managed to marry her! I'm helping out here for today while my practice is closed."

"I remember Bess," Castiel smiled, remembering the quiet witch who'd always been around Garth. Castiel had always wondered if they were dating, though he'd thought it would be rude to ask. Apparently this answered that question. "I'm pleased for you Garth. You seem to have really made a life for yourself!"

"Thanks Cas," Garth said, "what about you? I didn't expect to see you around here after you left, though I always hoped you'd be back. What changed?"

Castiel opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted before he could.

"Cas," Dean asked quietly, very pointedly not looking at Garth, "you said we could buy something if we saw something nice?" Held in his hands was one of the silver coloured bracelets, with a small charm showing a fox midjump."

"That's nice Dean," Castiel grinned, carefully taking it.

"Yeah, I wanted to get it for Charlie. To thank her for everything she's done for both of us."

Castiel smiled softly, seeing Garth's equal parts soft and smug smile in the corner of his eye.

"Who's this Cas?" he asked, smiling at Dean with a friendly wave when Dean looked up.

"I'm Dean," the familiar answered before Cas could do it for him, "I live with Cas."

"Nice to meet you Dean. Have you been around long?"

Dean was visibly uncomfortable talking to a stranger, a world away from the happy confident familiar Castiel shared a cabin with. He assumed it was because Dean was comfortable with Castiel, while Garth - however friendly he seemed - was still an unknown. Castiel hoped that one day Dean would be able to let his guard down even around people he didn't know, but Castiel wasn't going to push.

He wasn't a hypocrite after all. Well… maybe a little bit of one.. but he wasn't a hypocrite in this situation!

"A couple of weeks," Dean shrugged, "I've kind of lost track."

Garth grinned, "yeah, I can imagine it would be hard to keep track of the days up in that cabin. Has Cas been being nice to you?"

"Very nice," and unless Castiel was seeing things, Dean was blushing as he said it.

"Good," Garth said, before turning to Castiel and nodding at the bracelet, "is that all you're buying?"

"Umm," Castiel paused for a moment, and ended up grabbing a large cushion with a wolf on it. It looked a lot like Dean's wolf form, and was also very nice. "This as well, thank you."

"Okay." Garth scanned the two items, telling Castiel the price so that he could pay, and giving them a big paper bag for the cushion, and a small bag for the bracelet that he handed to Dean. "I hope to see you guys around again." And Castiel knew Garth really meant it.

"Yeah, I hope so too," Castiel smiled, "say hi to Bess for me." He and Dean walked out the store together, and Castiel could see Dean silently wondering who that had been. "That was Garth, I went to school with him," Castiel explained, "I actually didn't think he'd still be around, but apparently he is."

"He seems… nice," Dean said slowly.

"Yes, he's somehow become more cheerful since I last talked to him. I never thought it was possible, but here we are."

An amused rumbling noise escaped Dean's chest, and his shoulders finally dropped from around his shoulders. “Sounds like he was fun to go to school with."

"You should have seen him in morning lessons." Castiel's fake shudder made Dean laugh audibly, flashing his teeth as he turned his face to the sky.

Castiel glanced at his watch, and seeing that they only had a few minutes left until they were going to meet with Charlie, he started walking towards the coffee shop. Dean was holding his paper bag with Charlie's bracelet in it as though it was something incredibly precious, and Castiel looked forward to seeing what Charlie would think of her little gift.

Chapter Text

Charlie was already sitting at a four seater table in the corner of the shop by the time Dean and Castiel arrived, though the way she was still reading the menu told Cas that she'd only been there for a moment. That, or she was incredibly bored. She waved them over when she saw them, a wide smile splitting her face as she dropped the menu back onto the table. 

"Dean! Cas!" she cheered, leaping out of her seat, the metal legs making an ugly scraping noise as she knocked it backwards. She walked over to meet them halfway, pulling them into one of her special tight hugs. Anyone would think they hadn't seen each other for years with the way she was greeting them. "Good to see you guys again!"

"Hey Charlie," Castiel smiled, Charlie's joy was always infectious. He squeezed Charlie just as tightly as she was hugging him before pulling away again and walking over to the table Charlie had claimed, sitting down opposite where she had been sitting when they walked in. Dean and Charlie hugged each other for a second longer, talking too quietly for Castiel to hear, before they both sat down too. 

"Hey Charlie," Dean smiled, his leg bouncing under the table with what was probably either nerves, or just Dean being overwhelmed. The coffee shop wasn't exactly full to bursting, but it was busy enough to be giving Castiel anxiety, and he didn't have Dean's exceptional senses.

"Cas still treating you right?" Charlie asked as she passed them both menus, leaning back in her chair and crossing her legs under the table nonchalantly.

"You saw me a couple of days ago." Dean rolled his eyes. "Cas has not stopped being awesome in that time."

"Always worth a check," Charlie shrugged, and Castiel guessed he should probably be offended about the familiars talking about him as if he wasn't there, but he really didn't mind, and he was just thankful that Charlie was his friend, and that Dean had someone looking out for him. "What have you guys been doing recently anyway?"

Dean instantly perked up, his words practically tumbling together as he told Charlie all about their picnic and their dabble into spell work and their visit to Garth's shop.

"Oh!" Dean said, as though he was only just remembering something, though Castiel had lived with Dean for long enough to know it was fake. He was putting it on, to pretend he'd just remembered something, when he'd actually been thinking about it the entire time. "I umm… I bought you something. Well, I guess technically Cas bought it but-"

"Dude, it's okay," Charlie interrupted gently, "I appreciate the thought, though you really didn't need to get me anything."

"Maybe not, but I wanted to," Dean shrugged, "it's nothing big anyway. I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me."

"I've barely done anything!"

Castiel shook his head. "Charlie, stop being modest. Dean, it's okay." He put a hand on the familiar's shoulder, "why don't you give Charlie her gift?"

Dean smiled and nodded, holding out the bag slightly hesitantly. Charlie pulled the bracelet out, staring at it without speaking for long enough for Dean to get worried, before she glanced back up with watery eyes, softly stroking the fox charm.

"Charlie are you oka-" Dean started, his voice wobbling a little bit, though he never got to finish. Charlie leaned across the table and threw her arms around Dean.

"Dean! I love it so much! Thank you! Thank you! No one's ever- this means a lot to me."

"It's just a bracelet," Dean muttered quietly, his gaze fixed on the table as he smiled uncomfortably. "It's nothing-"

"It's everything," Charlie interrupted. "You saw a bracelet in a store, and you thought of me."

"Well yeah but-"

"Dean. Accept Charlie's thanks," Cas bumped his shoulder lightly against his friend's. "It might not seem like much to you, but she appreciates you, and it's not up to you to tell her that she's wrong."

"Cas is right," Charlie said, nodding sagely, "it's my opinion, and my opinion is that this is very thoughtful and means a lot to me."

"You're welcome," Dean smiled, pressing his side more fully against Cas' and letting out a quiet quick rumble. Charlie yipped quietly in happiness, and Castiel found himself sitting there smiling stupidly. Because no matter how much he tried, how many people he pushed away and how much he tried to run, he was sitting in a coffee shop with his best friend and his… and Dean. Two familiars he couldn't live without. Two familiars comfortable enough with him to let their forms bleed together around him.

"Are you ready to order?" The waitress who came to their table was short and brown haired. She was undeniably pretty, though Castiel didn't really glance at her twice. He loved Dean after all, random waitresses meant nothing to him.

"Yes, thank you," Charlie said politely, "I'll have a hot chocolate, and a slice of chocolate cake, please."

"And you?" she asked, turning to Dean.

Dean glanced at Castiel for a moment, and after an encouraging nod continued. "A black coffee, and a slice of cherry pie, please."

"Okay," the waitress hummed, and then her eyes caught on Cas. She stared for a long moment, and then leaned forwards, pushing her chest out in a somewhat suggestive way. "What about you handsome? What can I get you?'' The way she curled that last question around her mouth very much implied more than she said, and Castiel really didn't like it, but he thought it would be impolite to say anything.

"Just a coffee thanks," Cas said, feeling more awkward than he had for a long time.

"Are you sure, nothing else?" The waitress lipped her lips and cocked her hip out, as though that was going to change anything.

"Yes thank you, just the coffee."

"Okay then," she sighed, looking disappointed. "Well I get off in an hour, if you change your mind." She winked, and then finally turned to walk away.

Castiel sat there in confused silence for a long moment. Had that waitress been hitting on him? For real? Because… what? She thought he was attractive? Saw him once in a shop, barely spoke to him, and decided he was nice enough to proposition?

Castiel would never understand it.

He turned back to the rest of the table, ready to continue their conversation, when the sound of a low rumbling came to his attention. It sounded like growling… and it sounded like it was coming from Dean.

"Dean?" he asked quietly, putting a hand on the familiar's shoulder and squeezing once, tightly. It seemed to be enough to snap Dean out of whatever it was, as the sound stuttered to a stop, and Dean's big green eyes turned to face him. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I-" Dean cut himself off, "yeah, I'm fine. Sorry." It didn't seem like nothing, but Dean clearly didn't want to talk about it, and Castiel had promised himself over and over that he wouldn't push Den into stuff he didn't want to do. He wasn't going to back down on that promise. Not even now.

"Dude," Charlie chuckled, "that waitress is hardcore pining after you." Her eyes were fixed on something over Castiel's shoulder - the waitress from what she was saying - and her eyes were shining with what Castiel was disappointed to see was amusement. Why was she finding this funny? Dean's growl started up again, though he tried to muffle it with a hand over his mouth. He didn't seem able to help himself.

"Interesting," Charlie muttered, her grin only growing as she watched Castiel reach out to try and comfort Dean. For some reason the familiar seemed to really hate their waitress, but he was going to have to put up with her for a bit longer if he wanted his pie. Dean stopped growling a couple of moments later, though a red blush stained his face and he refused to look Castiel in the eye.

He assumed it was embarrassment, though he'd told Dean over and over that he didn't need to be embarrassed about his wolf instincts. They were as much a part of him as his love for pie, and Castiel loved all of him.

"Sorry," Dean muttered quietly, "sorry I- sorry."

"You don't need to apologise," Castiel promised, "you haven't done anything wrong."

"Cas is right," Charlie agreed before Dean could argue. "Just… talk to him sometime. Okay?" Castiel had no idea what that meant, but Dean agreed without argument, so Castiel just left it be.

The waitress came back at that moment, carrying a tray of their drinks, along with Charlie and Dean's food. Dean seemed frozen for a moment, caught between joy for pie, and annoyance at the waitress.

"Here you go," she said, slowly putting everything down, and hopefully accidently waving her breasts in Cas' face.

He very much doubted it was accidental, but he could always dream.

"Thank you," Charlie said - it was clear enough that neither Cas nor Dean were planning to say anything - waiting until she was walking away before she sighed in disgust.

"Agreed," Cas muttered, taking a sip of his coffee.

Dean stabbed his pie somewhat angrily, and leaned into Cas' side. Cas didn't mention it, just wrapped his arm around Dean's side and turned to talk to Charlie. She was grinning at them, but didn't say anything, just carried on as though nothing had changed.

"I better see you again soon," Charlie said warningly, "you're not just going to disappear off for another seven years. This town has missed you."

"Don't worry," Dean smiled, "this won't be the last you see of us. I'll make sure of it."

They hugged goodbye, promising to make plans to see each other again.

"I'll message you!" was the last thing Charlie called before she spun on her heel and headed towards her car. Dean and Cas headed back through town, their arms brushing and bags bumping into their legs. They were both fairly quiet, just allowing the noises of the town to surround them while the sun shone on their faces.

"This was nice," Dean hummed happily, climbing into the driver seat of Castiel's car and just sitting there for a moment, smiling.

"Yeah, I'm glad you suggested we visit again," Castiel said, placing his bag from Garth's shop into the backseat, and then sliding into the passenger seat. He smiled across at Dean, happiness bubbling out of him and dancing in the space between them.

And then Dean drove away, back towards the cabin - their cabin - back towards home.

The pillow looked perfect on Castiel's armchair. It matched the rest of his furniture surprisingly well, didn't jump out as out of place, and despite the fact Cas' had only just put it down, it already looked like it belonged there.

Like a part of the room that had always been there.

And best of all? It reminded him of Dean.

It was like making Dean even more a part of his home than he already was. Every time Cas looked at it he saw Dean's wolf form, which was somewhat entertaining when Castiel was sitting there, the cushion next to him, and Dean in his wolf form lying on the other armchair with a wolfie grin on his face.

Dean had transformed the moment they got home, jumping out of the car as soon as it was parked and disappearing into the woods with a howl of goodbye. Castiel hadn't been worried when Dean left, but that didn't mean he hadn't been relieved when Dean reappeared a few hours later with soil in his fur and joy in his eyes.

"What do you think?" Castiel asked, standing up and running his hands through Dean's thick fur. "Good?"

Dean huffed quietly, but Castiel could tell it was a positive sound. Clearly the wolf liked the cushion as much as Castiel did. They sat there together for about half an hour - though admittedly Cas wasn't exactly watching any clocks - the quiet of the forest filling the room while Castiel read and Dean nodded off to sleep.

It was dark by the time they moved again, shuffling their way through a bedtime routine and into bed. Dean didn't want to turn back, and Castiel didn't ask why, though it did result in the somewhat interesting situation of Castiel insisting that Dean brush his teeth while Dean refused to get opposable thumbs.

"Fine!" Castiel sighed, "you win. Open wide."

Dean squinted at him in confusion, but opened his mouth, yelping in shock when Cas used a new toothbrush and the toothpaste to start brushing Dean's teeth for him.

"I'm not letting you ruin your teeth just because you don't want to shift."

By the time they climbed into bed they were both exhausted, smiles still stretching their faces as Castiel curled his body around Dean's furry one, sinking his hand into the fur on his hip - the one with the scar - purely by muscle memory as they drifted off to sleep together.

Chapter Text

Dean was still in wolf form, and still in a bit of a mood, when Castiel woke up the next morning. The first thing he noticed was that the bed was empty - and cold - closely followed by the realisation that he could hear agitated footsteps outside the door, slowly moving away.

Jumping out of bed and following the footsteps, he found Dean pacing around the cabin, his muzzle stretched into a snarl. Castiel was fairly certain that if he had words he would be muttering expletives under his breath.

"Dean?" Dean jumped and spun around, apparently in his head enough that he hadn't heard Cad approaching. "Is everything okay?"

Dean didn't shift back to answer, which didn't really surprise Cas, but he shoved his head against Castiel's leg until Castiel patted him, and seemed to relax pretty quickly after that.

Castiel had no idea what was going on, but he was getting more concerned by the moment. Dean was acting weird, and had been since yesterday. He'd thought a good night's sleep would sort things out, he'd definitely seemed better last night so he'd thought it would continue like that! But apparently not.

"Dean, you need to tell me what's wrong," Castiel pleaded, scratching Dean lightly behind his ears. It was enough to make the wolf relax against his leg as though he was melting, but apparently not enough for him to get any words in response. "I can't help unless I know what's happening!"

Castiel waited a minute, but when it became clear Dean wasn't going to talk, he moved on. He wasn't going to force Dean to tell him what was wrong, and standing here waiting wasn't helping anyone.

"I'm going to make breakfast," he told Dean, "how did bacon and eggs sound?" He didn't get a verbal reply, not even a bark, but Dean bounded ahead of him into the kitchen, and curled up under the table with as good a view of the stove as he could get from the floor.

Clearly he was making sure Castiel knew he was watching, just in case he was going to mess up breakfast.

"I'm not going to burn it all," Cas laughed, rolling his eyes at the wolf who was still watching him distrustfully.

Castiel wasn't going to mess up breakfast though. He'd been cooking for himself for years, and just because Dean was here now didn't mean he'd lost the ability to cook.

He burnt the eggs.

It wasn't his fault, to be fair. He'd become distracted - by Dean might he add - when the wolf had decided to go sniffing around in some of the cupboards. He'd known what was in them all, but had apparently decided to have another look with his wolf senses.

And had nearly knocked every plate Cas owned onto the floor.

Castiel had managed to save them all, bit in doing so had looked away from the stove for a little bit too long, and the eggs were done for. Dean had not been pleased, but on the plus side it got him two legged and talking again.

"Cas! I thought you said you weren't going to burn it!" he laughed helplessly, wobbling a little bit on his feet after spending the last while in his wolf form.

"I wouldn't have if you hadn't been hell-bent on smashing my plates!" Castiel replied, trying to sound annoyed but dissolving into laughter of his own within moments.

"They smelt different!" Dean tried to reason, but really he couldn't argue for a reason he had been sticking his snout inside the cupboard he'd seen every day since he'd arrived.

"Really?" 

"Shut up! You still burnt the eggs!"

Castiel didn't dignify that with an answer, just raised an eyebrow and looked unimpressed.

"Fine," Dean sighed, grabbing some new eggs out of the fridge and starting to cook them while Cas plated up the bacon and put some toast on for them.

A couple of minutes later their breakfast was ready, mugs of coffee in front of them. The silence between them was comfortable, but Castiel knew that now - with coffee, food, and a small smile on Dean's face - was the best time to ask what he needed to.

"What happened yesterday, Dean?"

Dean instantly went on the defensive, scrunching his shoulders around his ears and twisting his face into a scowl which his eyes didn't echo. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do," Cas sighed tonelessly. He was not in the mood to take a non-answer as an answer. "You've been in a bad mood ever since the diner. I just need to know what upset you."

"I wasn't upset!" Castiel levelled Dean with an unimpressed look. "Okay! Fine! Maybe I was, just a little bit."

"What happened?"

"It was that waitress," Dean muttered, his eyes glinting angrily just at the thought of it. He looked like he was about a second away from snarling, and Castiel found himself wide eyed. Dean… Dean cared. Like… really cared. Possibly more than just a friend? Castiel didn't want to get his hopes up, but it was hard not to in the face of Dean's anger at a flirting waitress.

"What about her exactly?" Castiel asked, his voice shaking slightly as he tried to hold back his hope.

"She was flirting with you!" Dean hissed out. He wasn't going to elaborate on that, Castiel could tell, and he realised he was going to have to prompt Dean a little bit.

"Why did that bother you Dean?"

"Because! Because-" Dean stopped himself, his eyes widening as though he'd just realised something about himself. "Because I was jealous." His words were little more than a whisper, but they might as well have been screamed, for the impact they had on Castiel.

Sudden hope. Disbelief. Hope again.

"Jealous because you wanted to be the one flirting with me?"

"Yes," Dean frowned down at his hands which he had folded in his lap, a sad frown in his face. "I'm sorry. But yeah, I really like you. Like-like you. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise," Castiel said softly, his hands itching to reach out and hold Dean's. "You've done nothing wrong. Dean-" he stopped himself. He was really about to do this wasn't he. He was going to have a familiar in his life about as permanently as he could. He was going to allow himself to be happy again. He wasn't just going to allow himself to like Dean, he was going to allow himself to have Dean.

"Yes?"

"Dean, I like you too. I like-like you." The words seemed to hang in the air between them for a long moment, and then Dean's face brightened, his previous frown blooming into a massive smile. Castiel could feel his own face doing the same.

Castiel didn't know who moved first, but his arms were wrapped around Dean's back before he knew it, Dean's head tucked into his neck as they hugged. 

"Really?" Dean asked, his voice quiet.

"Really."

And then they were kissing.

It was chaste, soft lips pressing together and gentle hands cupping faces. Castiel didn't want to ever move away, not when he had everything he'd ever wanted right there, but they couldn't breathe and unfortunately his need for oxygen was very slightly louder than his need for Dean.

They stood together, arms loosely draped over each other, foreheads pressed together as they breathed. They would need to talk about all of this, would need to figure everything out and discuss what they both wanted out of this, but that could wait.

Dean's lips were kiss bruised as he leaned back against the arms of the couch, his legs stretched across the cushions and tangled with Castiel's own. He really needed to start the conversation, because it was clear Dean wasn't going to, but it was difficult to look away from Dean for long enough to get his thoughts in order.

He just wanted to kiss Dean again.

A loud sigh tore it's way out of his throat as he closed his eyes. "Right, Dean," he started, and that was as far as he got before he was opening his eyes again and getting distracted, this time by just how green Dean's eyes were.

"Yes," Dean laughed, bushing Cas with his foot and very clearly finding Castiel's problems very funny.

And then he licked his lips.

Was it accidental? Maybe. Cas doubted it. Either way, Cas found himself getting distracted all over again, having to remind himself why he was sitting at the opposite end of the couch to his familiar instead of kissing him at that very moment.

"What do you want from me?" Cas asked quickly before he got distracted again, only realising after he'd spoken how… wrong it had sounded. That had not been what he meant at all.

"I mean," he tried again, "what do you want from this? Do you want a relationship? Do you want some time? Do you want something less romantic than a relationship? What would make you most comfortable?" Obviously Castiel knew  exactly what he wanted, knew what would make him happier than everything else in the world, but what he wanted didn't actually matter right now.

Not until it was his turn to set his terms.

"Ummm," thankfully Dean didn't try to argue with the discussion, he just wrinkled his brow and started thinking carefully. "Everything," is what he finally came up with.

"Everything?" Cas needed clarification, needed to know that Dean really wanted all that with him.

"Everything," Dean confirmed, sounding serious, like this was the most important thing he'd ever explained. "I want to be your best friend, and your boyfriend, and your familiar. I want to kiss you and… and more… but I always want everything else you can offer. I want to sit at the table and laugh at you when you burn the food. I want to do the gardening with you, and complain with you when we get sunburnt. I want to go on picnics, but have them be dates too. I want to go into the town just because we can. I also want-" Dean broke himself off then, "I think that's something for another day."

"No, tell me. We might as well get it all said now, so we can go back to kissing later."

Dean shrugged, slightly awkwardly, before saying, "I want to do spells with you, I want to help you with your magic and… I want to bond with you… But your magic is bound for a reason, and I'm not going to tell you to unbind it when that's how you want it."

Castiel felt his eyes go wide. Dean… Dean really wanted all of that with him? With Castiel? He wanted… everything.

"I'm sorry," Dean said after Castiel had been quiet for a moment too long, "I shouldn't have brought up your magic. We don't need that, I promise."

"No, I know," Castiel muttered, blinking a couple of times as though he was pulling himself out of some kind of trance, "you don't need to apologise. You're… you're right. I want that too. All of it."

"Even the magical bonding?"

Castiel smiled, thinking back on his childhood. When he'd been really young it had been all he'd ever wanted. And then… after Balthazar… he'd still wanted it. He'd just never thought he'd be able to. And now here he was. He had Dean, and maybe one day, he would have Dean, and Dean would have him.

"Even the magical bit," Castiel promised, "though I might need some more time before I get there."

"That's okay," Dean smiled, relief flashing through his eyes. "I can wait. I'm just- you really want me?"

"More than I can express in words," Castiel promised solemnly, shifting across the couch until he could pull Dean against his chest and whisper his words right into the familiar's ear. "I'll unbind my magic, we can bond, I just need you to stay by my side."

"Always," Dean promised, tilting his head back until he was speaking against Cas' lips, "for as long as you need me, I'll be here."

"I'll always need you."

"Then I guess you're stuck with me for always."

"Always," Cas agreed, before their lips are finally pressing together again.

Chapter Text

The next morning was bright and warm, to the extent that it was being overheating that forced Dean and Castiel out of bed, and Castiel decide that it was a yogurt and fruit for breakfast day - Dean complained the entire time, but his complaints were empty, and he cleared his bowl in no time at all. 

Castiel's first thought was that it would be the perfect day to do some gardening, but then he had an even better idea.

He would take Dean on a date.

They had literally just decided to get together after all, and Castiel had spent years wondering what a date would be like. Well now he could kill two birds with one stone! Get to go and a date, hopefully make Dean happy, concrete the fact he wanted a proper romantic relationship. It was perfect!

Except the fact he had no idea what people did on dates.

Actually no, that was a lie. He'd read books, he'd watched movies, he'd heard his friends' stories. He knew the basics. However, it just so happened that he didn't have a coffee shop in the woods, nor a movie theatre, nor any other stereotypical date setting. He had a forest, a warm Summer's day, and he had whatever he could find at home.

Yeah, his options were pretty limited.

Dean would probably be happy with whatever Cas could come up with, he definitely believed in the whole 'it's the thought that counts' thing, but Castiel still wanted it to be perfect. Dean was perfect, and he deserved nothing less in the form of a date.

"What's the plan for today?" Dean asked, elbows deep in studs and dishes as he washed up their breakfast bowls.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me," Castiel started, feeling incredibly awkward. "I haven't figured out what it will be yet… But-"

He never finished, as Dean leapt at him to kiss him deeply, his hands sending soapy water everywhere.

"I'd love to go on a date with you," Dean grinned, his hands tangling in Castiel's shirt and almost definitely soaking it, though he couldn't find it within himself to care at that moment. "I don't care what it is, if it's with you, I want to come."

Castiel smiled warmly, reaching a hand out to run it through Dean's hair. "Meet me outside the cabin in an hour," he said, "I'll have figured something out by then." And then he left.

He headed back to his bedroom, leaving Dean to finish the dishes while he started planning. It needed to be perfect, but luckily for him nothing inspired perfection quite like how perfect Dean was.

An hour later Cas left the kitchen with a rucksack on his back. Dean was already waiting, wearing some fairly new - deliciously tight - jeans, and his cleanest henley. Castiel knew for a fact that he'd done the laundry just the day before, and that must have only just dried since then.

Dean really was pulling out all the stops, but it just so happened that so was Castiel.

He was wearing his own pair of tight jeans, some which he'd had for years but didn't find many opportunities to wear, as well as a white button up with the sleeves rolled up. It looked a little odd with his rucksack, but it didn't take too much away from the overall look, and Dean didn't seem to even notice it with the way he was staring at Cas.

"Hello Dean," Castiel grinned, tightening the straps on his rucksack and stepping forward to take Dean's hand. "You look beautiful."

A breathtakingly sweet blush bloomed across Dean's cheeks as he ducked his head, clearing his throat a couple of times before he could speak. "Thanks Cas, you look pretty awesome too."

Castiel knew that when it came to Dean, 'awesome' was the height of compliments, so he squeezed Dean's hand to reassure his boyfriend that he understood, and started walking in the opposite direction to the way they went on the day they went to the lake.

"Where are we going?" Dean asked, swinging their hands between them as they walked. Castiel pretended not to notice the looks Dean kept on sneaking, the adoration in his eyes as he stared at Castiel's side profile. It was humbling in a way Castiel hadn't expected. Dean just… he trusted Cas even after all the times he'd been hurt, trusted him enough to open his heart to Castiel, and now it was Castiel's job to make sure that trust wasn't misplaced.

"That's a surprise," Castiel grinned, "but I promise you'll love it."

Dean squinted at him for a long moment, before smiling so bright that Cas felt like he was being stunned. "Sounds good, Cas," he said, his voice soft with love.

Castiel had no idea what he did for the universe to bring Dean to him, but he thanked past him for it daily.

"What're you looking at me like that for?" Dean asked with a chuckle, brushing his shoulder against Cas' in a way that at first felt teasing, but quickly turned into something else when he didn't move away.

"I'm glad I met you," Cas said with a shrug. "Honestly, I can't fully believe this is real, but I'm looking forward to seeing what the future brings."

"I know it will be amazing," Dean said simply, "I don't think anything can go wrong when you're here."

Cas chuckled. For a moment he felt the need to bring up jinxes, to warn Dean that now he'd said it, something was going to go wrong. He didn't say anything of course, he'd always thought they were stupid, the idea that if you brought attention to how good something was, it would suddenly become bad. 

He shook the thoughts away, squeezing Dean's hand and resuming the swinging that he never actually noticed stopping.

"Come on Dean," he muttered, speeding up his steps just a little bit. He wanted to get to the fun date bit, rather than just the walking to get there.

He completely agreed with the people who said you should make the most of every moment, that journeys should be enjoyed just as much as the destination… but right now he just wanted to get to the wooing Dean with his romantic date part.

“Oh,” Dean breathed out, just as they stepped into the wide, grassey, clearing Cas had been bringing them too. It was a fairly large, almost circular, gap in the trees, and although admittedly Castiel couldn’t think of a time he’d ever been to a meadow, he imagined this couldn’t be too far off. The grass was thick and about waist height, only the very edges clear due to tree roots, and filled with flowers in all colours of the imagination. Bees and butterflies and various other insects flew around, the odd one taking a detour to fly slightly further away from Castiel and Dean, though most just ignored them.

The clearing was magical, the ache in Castiel’s chest told him that much, but it was so beautiful he’d never stopped coming here, and now it was the perfect place for this.

“It’s beautiful,” Dean gasped, spinning in a slow circle, taking it all in. His eyes were wide and sparkling, bouncing from one thing to the other as though he wished he could look at everything at once.

“Yes, it is,” Castiel agreed, and if Dean didn’t notice that Castiel’s eyes were glued to the side of Dean’s head, and not the meadow, then he really didn’t need to know.

Castiel pulled a blanket out his bag, folding it over itself a couple of times to hopefully stop the uneven ground from stabbing into them, and carefully perching on the edge. He pulled Dean down next to him, and waited until they were both settled before bringing out the second surprise.

“Ice cream!” Dean grinned when Castiel pulled out a box of cones, and a half full tub of chocolate ice cream. Castiel wished that he could have given Dean more choice, but he couldn’t exactly call Charlie out just to buy him ice cream, and chocolate was all he already had.

“People on dates eat ice cream,” Cas shrugged, “Ice cream is also delicious.”

There was a teasing glint in Dean’s eyes as he opened his mouth, and Castiel squinted, waiting for whatever smartass comment he knew was coming.

“Aww, you know, you don’t have to create an elaborate sharing an ice cream situation for us to kiss.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “If you thought we were going to share a cone, then you’re mistaken. I don’t care if it’s supposed to be ‘more romantic’-” he ignored Dean’s snort at his air quotes, “- I am not missing out on extra ice cream just because you want to share saliva.” 

Dean pulled a face, looking like this was probably the first time someone had pointed that out to him, and he did not appreciate it.

“Yeah okay, you’ve made your point,” Dean grumbled, shoving Castiel with his shoulder so the witch nearly fell off their blanket log. “Can I have my ice cream now?”

Castiel laughed. “Seeing as you asked so politely.” He carefully scooped a gigantic scoop of ice cream onto the first cone, passing it to Dean with a quick warning of, “try not to make a mess.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Dean said, moments before nearly dropping a loose chunk of ice cream, only saving himself by catching it with his tongue. Castiel raised his eyebrows pointedly, and Dean got his message if the way he blushed and looked away was anything to go off.

His laughter echoed around the clearing, and Cas didn't think he'd ever heard a better sound than when Dean joined in. He stared at the floor for a moment, trying to compose himself before they fell off the blanket, or scared the animals away by being so loud.

He was glad he'd had this idea for their date, he was glad Dean had agreed to come, he was glad they were both so happy, he was glad that he got the chance to live this moment.

He was glad of so many things, but most of all, he was glad Dean was here with him.

Castiel looked up, a soft smile gracing his face from the joy of his thoughts, and noticed a strange looking man standing on the other side of the meadow, just inside the treeline, motionless. In fact, if Cas couldn't see him blinking, and didn't know that he hadn't been there just moments before, he would have thought he was a statue. The man was tall, and fairly lanky, but in the way that made him seem sharp rather than gangly. His clothes were dirty and his features were sharp, his eyes sunken into his face, and Castiel couldn't stop himself from thinking he looked… cruel. Castiel normally tried to avoid passing judgement on people until after he knew them, but this was different. It was in the way the man was smiling, the way he was watching them eat their ice cream as though it was the most fascinating thing he'd seen all week.

He slowly opened his mouth, planning to mention it to Dean, maybe suggest they start heading home - they'd been out here for a while anyway, and it might be nice to walk in the sun while they eat - when Dean looked over and noticed the man all on his own.

Multiple things happened all at once the moment the man noticed Dean had seen him. It all happened so quickly that Castiel didn't have time to register all of it until afterwards, acting on instinct in the seconds that filled his first glimpse of the unknown man. Thinking back later on, Castiel would wonder how he hadn't seen the malicious intent from the moment he saw the man, but right then he wasn't thinking about that. He wasn't thinking at all. He was just desperately trying to keep up and not miss a thing.

The man's smile turned manic, his cold, grey, eyes glittering with magic which made a sharp ache spread through Cas' chest, as though his own magic was trying to escape him.

Dean's cone fell to the floor, the chocolate mixing with the mud under their feet as now lax fingers stopped holding on.

Castiel jumped to his feet, unsure what was going on but knowing he needed to protect his familiar who seemed to have mentally checked out for the moment. He was worried, but right then he didn't have time to be worried. He was in fight or flight, and flight wasn't an option, and he didn't have the magic for fight to be a good idea.

The man started slowly walking closer.

Chapter Text

"Hello again, Dean," the man said, his voice nasally and unpleasant. Castiel had no idea who it was, or why they were there, but he could tell just from his tone that Cas didn't want to know.

And he didn't want him anywhere near his familiar either.

"Alistair," Dean whispered from behind Cas, his words barely more than a whimper as he stared at the man, his face white as a sheet.

The man Dean's dad wanted him to bond with.

"Fuck, no," Cas muttered, more to himself than to anyone else. He couldn't lose Dean, not after- no. This was their date! They had finally admitted their feelings to each other. This couldn't be happening now!

It almost felt like a sign from the universe, Castiel mused, like a message, telling them to turn back before they went too far.

Well it was too late now. Nothing, and he truly meant nothing, would make Castiel give up on Dean.

"It's good to see you again, familiar-mine," Alistair said, stopping about three meters away from them. He made it very clear that he was stopping because he wanted to, not because he feared them.

"He's not yours," Castiel growled, wishing that his magic wasn't bound. He was helpless like this, he had no way to protect himself or Dean. If Alistair decided to attack, Castiel would have no way to stop him, so he needed to be strategic.

Unfortunately, all that came to mind was stalling, and desperately hoping that Dean would come up with something.

"Well he's not yours either, is he, little bird," Alistair laughed, spreading his arms wide. "At least I can offer him magic. What do you have? A nice smile? A slightly more gilded cage than I was offering."

Castiel didn't know how to respond. It was true, he supposed. Maybe his cabin wasn't a horrible place to be, and maybe Dean was there by choice, but- no! Dean was there by choice, Cas had offered him many ways out, and Dean had never taken them. He liked being there!

"There is more to life than magic, than power," Dean spoke up. His voice was shaking, but still strong, and Castiel felt pride flow through him for a moment. Dean was so much stronger than he believed. "Have you thought about that, Alistair?"

"Oh. So that's what's going on here. The wolf has fallen in love. How sweet." It was clear from the sneer in his voice that sweet wasn't what he really thought about the whole thing.

"Maybe I have. That's nothing to do with you though. Leave Alistair!"

"Ah, ah, ah. Why would I do that?" Alistair asked. "I came here to take my familiar back; so that's what I'm going to do."

Castiel could feel his breath catching in his throat, could hear Dean's breaths hitching in a similar way as they both thought about it. As they both imagined Dean returning to the hell from which he'd run.

It wasn't an option.

It just wasn't.

"No." Castiel's voice was flat, his chest aching with the pain of his magic fighting against the binding. He didn't think binding spells could be broken, but in that moment he wondered if that was what was about to happen. The pain was immense, though the thought of losing Dean was worse.

"You can't stop me," Alistair grinned, stepping forwards and grabbing Dean's arm. Castiel thought through his options desperately, knowing that Alistair was a witch, with full access to his powers. A fight wasn't an option, and would probably only result in Dean getting hurt. Which meant… which left.

"Ow!" Dean gasped, Alistair's grip tight enough to turn Dean's skin white as paper as the blood flow was cut off.

It wasn't okay. Castiel wasn't going to let this happen! He felt the pain in his chest get worse, whether from his magic trying to protect his familiar, or just the pain of knowing there was nothing he could do, he didn't know. He needed to save Dean.

"Oh." It was a quiet noise, just a small gasp of realisation coming from Dean, but it was the noise that signified the end.

Dean stepped backwards slowly, pulling his arms from Alistair's grip easily, his hair sticking up slightly as though someone had been running a balloon across his head for the past three minutes. 

"I'm not going back with you," he said, determination filling his eyes as he lifted his hands. Castiel didn't expect anything to happen. He definitely didn't expect lightning to flow from Dean's fingers and knock Alistair down.

The man lay on the ground, his chest rising and falling but his eyes closed, almost as though he was asleep.

"What the-"

"It's okay," Dean promised, breathing heavily. "I just stunned him, should keep him down until the police arrive."

The pain in Castiel's chest was gone, replaced solely with confusion. He had so many questions, and so few answers, but somehow the only thing he managed to ask was, "the police?"

Dean chuckled, "yeah, I called them while you were keeping him talking. I didn't think they would get here in time, but it seems like we don't have to worry about that anymore.

"How come it seems like you know exactly what's going on, while I'm still confused?" Castiel asked, sitting back down onto the blanket and tipping his head back to stare at the sky. The sky made so much more sense, it wasn't confusing like everything else going on right now.

"I'm confused too," Dean promised, "though it does seem I know more about what just happened than you do."

"What did just happen?"

Dean was silent for a moment, thinking his words over. "It was you. I guess… you didn't want to lose me."

"That's true," Castiel agreed, "doesn't explain anything though."

"You didn't want to lose me enough that some of your magic managed to jump to me, momentarily. Just enough for me to focus it and stop Alistair."

"So… it escaped the binding?"

"Not… exactly," Dean shuffled his feet awkwardly for a moment. "Honestly I think that was less you using your magic, and more sheer desperation turning into magic. You're a witch after all, bound or not, magic is a part of you."

It made sense, Castiel supposed, though that didn't make it any less weird. He closed his eyes for a moment, searching around inside of himself. He didn't know what he was expecting, a broken binding spell maybe, some proof that it was his magic flowing through Dean that had caused it? He didn't know. All he knew was his magic was just as tightly bound as it had been before. On a whim, he extended his senses towards Dean. He wasn't any more magical than he had ever been, so he couldn't have done that on his own, and he felt no foreign magic in the air.

Which left one answer.

That really had been his magic, through Dean.

"I didn't even know that was possible," Cas mumbled, staring at his hands as though something about them would be different now.

"I don't think it is, not usually," Dean pointed out, "And seeing as it doesn't get done often, I'm guessing you're not going to have a fun evening."

Castiel shook his head. He almost felt like he'd been run over by a truck, and he could only hope it wasn't going to get any worse.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, neither of them able to find the words to break it. Eventually, the silence was broken, though it wasn't broken by either of them, but rather by the rustling of people walking through the forest.

The sound of voices started filtering through the trees. For a horrifying moment Castiel thought it was more people from Dean's past, here to steal him away. He was ready to fight, despite the fact he already felt horrible, but thankfully he recognised the voice and was able to relax. It was sheriff Jody Mills. He might not have talked to her for a couple of years, but she definitely wasn't a threat.

She walked into the clearing a few moments later, a friendly smile on her face when she looked between Dean and Cas."I'm glad to see you're both okay. Sorry we couldn't get here any quicker, you're not exactly accessible."

"It's okay," Dean promised, though he did shuffle back a step so he was slightly more behind Cas. Jody wasn't magical at all, but Castiel could understand, especially when the past had just come knocking, why he would be feeling extra vulnerable. "That's him." Dean pointed to where Alistair lay on the floor, just starting to struggle against the magic keeping him down.

"What happened to him?"

"We're not entirely sure," Cas admitted, "Dean managed to use my magic, somehow."

"Your bound magic?" There was scepticism in Jody's voice, and Castiel couldn't really blame her for that. It didn't make any sense, but right now, it was the only option that made any sense.

"That's the working theory right now," Cas shrugged, "it's not like weirder things have ever happened."

Jody nodded in agreement, pulling out her handcuffs and bending down to secure them around Alistair's wrist.

"Alistair White, you are under arrest for attempted kidnapping and familiar abuse." Castiel zoned out the rest of Jody's speil, turning instead to focus on Dean. The familiar was watching Jody arrest Alistair with a kind of detached interest on his face, though Castiel couldn't miss the way his hands were shaking.

"Jody? Do you need us here?" he asked gently. "I think we need to head home."

"You can go," Jody said, "I'll probably have to call you up at some point to get your statements, but that can wait for now." She pulled Alistair up until he was standing, and slowly started leading him though the forest back towards the cars. Another police officer, a witch who hadn't entered the clearing, joined them to make sure Alistair didn't try to escape. “There has been a warrant out for this one's arrest for at least ten years, I doubt he’s going to get out of this very easily.”

"This isn't over," Alistair hissed, his eyes blazing with hatred while he stared at Dean, "you will get taken home. You can't live in this fantasy forever!"

Castiel stepped in front of Dean, blocking Alistair's view of the familiar. He didn't bother saying anything, just reached backwards to hold Dean's hand, squeezing it tightly in a way he could only hope was reassuring.

And then Alistair was gone, leaving Dean and Cas standing alone in the clearing. Dean's legs buckled under him, and he would have hit the floor if Cas hadn't managed to catch him and hold him up.

"It's okay," Cas promised, over and over, "it's okay. They won't get you back. I'll make sure of it."

"I-" Dean had to stop to cough and try to get his breathing back under control. "I trust you. Can we just- can we go home?"

"Yeah," Cas breathed, "let's go."

They walked back to the cabin as quickly as possible. Dean's legs were still unsteady, which slowed them down a little bit, and halfway back Dean ended up shifting into his other form and walking the rest of the way as a wolf. It seemed to calm him down a fair bit, and although Cas would have appreciated it if they could talk, he was glad Dean seemed to be doing better now.

Castiel locked the front door behind him, which was not something he normally did, and although it was still early afternoon, Castiel changed back into his pajamas and climbed into bed with Dean curled up in his arms, his tail looped loosely around Castiel's leg. Cas buried his hands in Dean's fur, petting through it gently.

They didn't talk. Dean couldn't really, not beyond whines and barks, and Castiel didn't feel like it. His body ached, which wasn't fun, and he was exhausted, but he also couldn't fall asleep. He just wanted to curl up in his bed, with his familiar, and not think. 

Except that wasn't an option, because his mind just wouldn't shut up.

Today could have gone so differently if Dean hadn't somehow managed to focus his magic. He could have lost Dean, and even more than that…

He didn't know why he was only thinking about this now, but he wanted to bond with Dean - desperately wanted to. He wanted Dean to be his familiar in more than just words, and he needed magic to do that.

He closed his eyes, pulling Dean even tighter against his chest. He would think of this some more tomorrow, but he had the feeling he'd made a decision.

He needed his magic back.

Chapter Text

The next morning was long. Jody called before either of them were ready to be awake, needing to get their statements before she could continue her case. She asked about what had happened the day before, and about everything that had happened in Dean's past, and Castiel could tell that those memories were sitting heavy on Dean's shoulders even after Jody hung up.

He tried to help, but there wasn't much he could do. Castiel couldn't erase the past, and although he tried to take Dean's mind off it, he didn't think he did a very good job of it.

Jody texted at about midday, informing them that due to the nature of Alistair's crimes, they'd truth spelled him, and it was unlikely he'd be getting out of prison any time soon.

Dean crumpled to the floor as though his strings had been cut, and he would have probably crashed to the ground if Castiel hadn't caught him just in time, dragging the familiar tightly against his chest and trying not to panic. Dean's breathing was ragged, and Cas would be no help to him if he panicked as well.

"It's okay," Cas cooed, exaggerating his breathing to give Dean something to follow. "Just copy my breathing, it's okay."

"He's gone," Dean breathed, years of relief welling up in his eyes. "He's- he's really gone."

"He is," Castiel laughed joyfully, "he'll never hurt you again." The sentence for hurting a familiar depended on the specifics, but Castiel could bet Alistair would probably get at least five years - more likely seven -  and would probably have his magic at least temporarily bound. Obviously it wasn't a permanent solution, but cases like this always came with a restraining order, and hopefully the threat of permanent binding would be enough to stop Alistair from coming back.

Dean cried and he laughed and Cas just sat there holding him while he rode the wave of emotions. Eventually the familiar exhausted himself, and Castiel helped him to their bed where he curled back up and fell back asleep. Castiel thought about staying to keep an eye on the wolf, not sure if he really wanted to let Dean out of his sight at that moment, but in the end he left. He had more pressing things to do right now, and it would be best to get them over with while Dean was sleeping so he could focus on him when he woke back up.

The door closed silently behind him as he slipped out and headed back into the sitting room. He grabbed his phone and pulled up Charlie's contact, only hesitating a moment before pressing call. This was going to be a good thing, Castiel just needed to keep going before he had time to second guess himself.

"Hello? Cas?" Charlie answered, and Castiel couldn't blame her for that. Cas wasn't exactly winning any awards for how often he called his friends.

"Hey, Charlie," Castiel answered with a smile, "how're you?"

"I'm great, but I know for a fact you didn't call me for a catch up, so spill."

"Why are you so sure there is something to spill?" Castiel asked, sighing internally. Damn Charlie for being so intuitive.

"You never call." Castiel could practically hear her eye roll. "The only reason I can think of why you would be, is something to do with Dean."

"What- I-" Castiel floundered. She wasn't wrong, but this was making him feel a bit bad about how terrible of a friend he apparently was.

"Relax, that's not a complaint," Charlie laughed, "I understand, now come on, I want to hear what's going on."

"So, I'm assuming you've heard about Alistair?" It wasn't a big town, and this was probably the biggest thing that had happened in years. He would be more surprised if someone didn't know by this point.

"Yeah, thank goodness," Charlie huffed.

"He turned up while we were on a picnic-" Castiel had to pause for a second while Charlie cooed over the fact they were on a picnic together. "Yes alright, come on Charlie. He turned up, and I had nothing to protect us with. He could have taken Dean, and I wouldn't have been able to stop him. The only reason we did stop him was pure luck and desperation."

"Castiel- are you saying what I think you're saying?" Charlie asked, her voice shaking as though she wasn't sure she should allow herself to believe it.

"I want to unbind my magic," Castiel nodded, even though he knew she couldn't see him.

"I'm sorry that such horrible circumstances kick-started this decision," Charlie started gravely, before her voice became much more excited, "but I am so, so, glad you've finally decided to do this!"

Castiel couldn't hold back his smile. "I'm glad too," he said, and he actually believed it, which he never thought could be possible. "I don't suppose you'd like to help?"

"Really?" Charlie gasped, and Castiel knew that if he was able to see her she'd be jumping up and down in excitement.

"Yes, really," Castiel grinned. "I don't want to do it on my own, and you're my best friend. I trust you."

Unbinding someone's magic was surprisingly easy. It was a simple ritual which only required a ring spark of magic - small enough that even a familiar could do it on their own. The only complication with it was that it had to be done by whoever had bound the magic in the first place, but seeing as Castiel had bound his own, that wasn't going to be a problem either. It would probably only take a minute and Castiel could do it before Dean even woke up, but he didn't want to.

He'd had his magic bound for so long… this was terrifying to him, so he would take all the moral support he could get.

"Okay! I'll come round to your cabin for it! When do you want to do this?"

"Today," Castiel answered instantly. He didn't want the time to regret his decision and change his mind.

"Sounds good," Charlie hummed, "I'll be there as soon as I finish work, okay?"

"Okay." Castiel could feel excitement dancing with the fear in his stomach. This was really happening. "I'll see you then."

And then the line was disconnecting and Charlie was gone, and Castiel was really going to do this.

He almost couldn't believe it. After all these years, after so long of being certain he would keep his magic bound until the day he died, and yet here he was.

"Cas?" Dean called from the bedroom. It seemed he'd woken back up, and he sounded… not scared exactly, but definitely apprehensive.

"I'm here," Castiel called back as he walked through the cabin, smiling at the familiar when he walked back into the bedroom. Dean was sitting up in bed, hugging his knees in a way that made him look much smaller than he truly was.

"Was it all a dream?" he asked, his voice shaking,"is Alistair really gone?"

"He's gone," Cas grinned, "it was reality. He's in jail now, I promise." He felt overwhelming joy at the opportunity to say those words, joy which only grew as he watched the emotion in Dean's eyes flicker through confusion and hope and doubt and belief and finally, joy. He didn't start crying like he had last time, though Cas could see it was a close thing. Instead, he just pressed himself tightly against Castiel, and whispered joyful promises against his chest. Cas didn't stop him, but once he was done he offered pancakes, and they returned to the kitchen as though it was any normal day.

"Dean, can you sort out the bacon?" Cas grabbed out two skillets, pushing one towards Dean to use for the bacon, and keeping one for himself for the pancakes. He was actually pretty hungry, so made two stacks as quickly as possible. He put some syrup on the table - Dean claimed that syrup and bacon on pancakes was delicious. Castiel wasn't sure he trusted the familiar’s tastes enough to try - as well as some forks, and soon they were both sitting down with full plates and large grins.

"Mmm, I'm starving," Dean muttered between bites, and if the hand he was holding his fork in shook, then neither of them mentioned it.

"Same," Castiel hummed. He knew he needed to mention something to Dean, tell him the plan to unbind his magic literally that evening, but something held him back.

Not right now. He didn't know why, but his brain was certain. Not yet. Wait a minute. Give it some time . He was waiting for something, and he would know when it was time, and this wasn't it.

"Umm, Cas," Dean started hesitantly, "I know it's irrational but-" Dean stopped, breathing steadily with his eyes locked onto the table. He sighed, loudly, and tried again. "I know it's irrational, but I'm still- I'm still- can we stay inside… Maybe with the door locked?"

Castiel felt his eyes soften. He didn't blame Dean for feeling unsafe when his past had literally just been knocking at their door. Alistair may be in prison, but he'd found them. Which meant one thing.

Someone else must know where Dean was.

"We can do that," Castiel said softly, reaching a hand across the table to run his fingers through Dean's hair, a silent promise.

"Thanks," Dean replied with relief. "That's- yeah- thank you Castiel." It was the first time Dean had used his full name in a while, and Castiel took that for what it really meant.

"No problem. Come on, let's finish our food and figure out what to do next."

"Have you ever seen Hot Fuzz?"

Castiel squinted, "no." He had definitely never seen it, but he did have to admit it sounded familiar. "I think-" he thought carefully, "I think Charlie left a copy of it here once, hoping I would watch it, but I never did."

"Perfect," Dean cheered, "once we're done I'll go and look for it."

"Sounds good," Castiel nodded, grabbing another bite of pancakes. He'd finished all his bacon by that point, so he grabbed the syrup and poured some over his remaining food.

They ate the rest of their food quickly, and then Castiel did a bit of cleaning up while Dean went looking for the film. Castiel could tell the moment he found it, as the familiar let out a happy whoop, and came running back into the kitchen.

"Found it," he grinned, "good job to the fox for leaving this here." Castiel didn't even know what the film was about, but Dean's enthusiasm was infectious, and he found himself looking forward to watching it.

Dean quickly helped him finish up, and then went around making sure the doors and windows were locked. Castiel had offered to help, but Dean had decided it would make him feel safer if he had done them all, and Castiel could understand that.

They settled down onto the couch together, their sides pressed together as though a single inch of space between them would be way too much.

And Castiel obviously couldn't talk for Dean, but for him it would be.

It wasn't the best film Castiel had ever watched, and it was more than a little bit predictable at times, though he could see why Charlie had wanted him to watch it. He had to admit though, the most interesting thing of the entire thing, was Dean. He kept on finding his attention drifting away from the screen and to the familiar and each time it happened he was even more enchanted than the time before.

Dean clearly adored the movie, and even mouthed along to a few of the lines. He cheered at some of the more gruesome bits, and smiled wildly at the ending, and the way his eyes sparkled the entire time, and the way he slowly lent more and more against Castiel as the movie progressed- Castiel was thankful that he'd suggested this, and even more thankful that Charlie had left the disk here so they were able to watch it.

"That was awesome," Dean grinned as the credits rolled, leaning heavily against Castiel and tilling his head back so it rested against Castiel's shoulder.

"I'm glad you liked it," Castiel said truthfully, pressing a gentle kiss first to the top of Dean's head, and then to his lips. The gentle press quickly dissolved into something deeper and sweeter, which made Castiel's toes curl.

"Dean," Castiel muttered, pulling away, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to be telling Dean something.

"Yeah?"

"Charlie's coming round once she's done at work," Castiel smiled, pulling away a little bit so he could look Dean in the eye.

"Why?"

"She's coming to help me unbind my magic."

Dean's eyes widened, his mouth dropping open for a long moment, unable to believe what he was hearing. "You- really?"

"Yeah," Castiel nodded, and really he shouldn't have been surprised when Dean threw himself into Cas' lap and started kissing him like a drowning man.

"I- wow. I'm so excited, I'm so proud of you," Dean muttered into Castiel's mouth, "I can't wait to see what you can do."

"Probably not much," Castiel chuckled, "I've had my magic bound since I was fifteen."

"I'll help," Dean grinned, "and I'm sure Charlie will too." His grin just kept on growing, and Castiel was glad that he was going to have both Dean and Charlie with him when he did this. He couldn't think of any two people he would want more than those two to help him with that.

Chapter Text

Charlie waltzed into their cabin at half past four, which although Cas didn't know most of her work schedule, he knew was too early for her.

"Charlie? You're early," he pointed out, hoping that Charlie hadn't done anything rash.

"I couldn't sit still," Charlie giggled, "when I told my boss I was helping someone unbind their magic after work, she let me go early."

"That was nice of her," Castiel sighed. He knew for a fact that if Charlie had mentioned someone unbinding their magic, her boss would know exactly who she meant straight away. It wasn't like they had many bound witches in the area. 

"Yeah," Charlie nodded, and the slightly dopey grin on her face told Castiel all he needed to know. 

"Awww, you like her," Dean cooed, clearly picking up on the same thing Cas had picked up on.

"We're friends," Charlie blushed, "that's all."

"Yeah, but you want more don't you."

"I wouldn't turn it down," Charlie admitted, "now come on kids! I'm not here to talk about my dating life!"

"Kids?" Castiel asked, scrunching his face up. He was older than Charlie, and definitely more mature too. Unsurprisingly Charlie ignored him and just barrelled right on, grabbing both of their hands and dragging them to Cas' still mostly untouched workroom.

"Alright Cas! Ready?"

Castiel didn't even need to think about the answer to that one.

No.

Not in the slightest.

He wanted to do this, knew that the only way he could move his life forwards in the way he wanted it to go was to do this, but that didn't stop it from being terrifying.

He hadn't realised how quickly the day would go, how little time he had to get ready for this. And maybe that was best, less time to freak out and everything, but it was still not fun to know that he wasn't ready, but this was happening anyway.

Except… no.

If he said he wasn't ready, then Charlie and Dean wouldn't force him. They would be disappointed, but they would accept that he needed more time. And oddly enough, it was knowing that which gave him the strength to carry on.

"Definitely not," he answered truthfully, steeling his nerves, "but I'm going to do it anyway."

Dean smiled at him, tightly squeezing his hand in a way that Cas knew he was nonverbally saying he was proud of him.

"Don't worry, Cas," Charlie said, clearly trying to sound reassuring, "it'll go fine. Me and Dean are here to make sure of that!"

"Yeah," Castiel chuckled weakly, "I know you are." And he wasn't just talking about them being there physically. They were there to help him, however he needed it. Whether that was the emotional support from the memories that were sure to be uncovered by the freeing of his magic, or the fact he was going to have a ten year old's skill with a twenty five year old's power. Or maybe just the fact they were going to be there to keep him company, no matter how this went, with no judgement, and no complaints. They were his friends, and that meant they were there for him.

They worked together to get everything ready, to grab the correct chant and the ingredients they would need, and then it was all on Castiel. Only he alone could do this bit, but he still wasn't alone.

"Good luck," Dean said with a grin, taking a step backwards and leaning against the wall. He was the picture of relaxed, but Castiel could see the tension in his shoulders. He was ready. No matter what happened, good or bad, Dean was ready for it.

"This is so exciting!" Charlie giggled, clapping her hands as she too stepped back and got ready to help if it was needed. "I'm so proud of you Cas! I'd always hoped we'd get here but- well you know, I never actually thought we would."

"Yeah," Castiel grinned, taking a moment to just feel some giddiness. He'd always told himself he would never do this, and there was something freeing about breaking his own rules.

He held his hands flat over the bowl they'd put the ingredients in, chanting quietly, slowly getting louder as he went along. He could feel the spell already pulling at his magic cage, and he knew there must be a grin splitting his face by this point. He was still terrified, still certain that this was a bad idea and could never go well, and yet he knew that this was also the best thing he'd done since taking Dean in and letting him stay.

He finished the chant with a yell, which quickly turned into a scream when the pressure in his chest exploded into blinding pain. He knew it was going to hurt. It had hurt when he was sealing it away, and that was just how this works. It had been locked away for so long that it exploded outwards. Distantly, he found himself thankful that Dean and Charlie were there to help hold it back, though he was so consumed by the white hot fire that he barely even registered the thought before it was gone.

It went on for what felt like an impossibly long time, but finally it started to fade, and his breaths started coming steadier. He found Charlie and Dean crouched next to him, when he finally found the strength to open his eyes, both of them clinging onto his hands and keeping his magic under control with their own powers.

Dean's eyes were closed, his face scrunched up in fear, and Castiel felt horrible that he was the one who'd caused that fear.

"Thank you," he rasped, his throat aching, but it did the job. Dean's eyes snapped open, relief filling them as he threw his arms around Cas and crushed him against his chest, sounding like he was on the verge of sobbing as he clung to Castiel.

Charlie was much calmer, but then again she'd been there when Castiel did this for the first time, so she had a baseline idea for how this would go. She was smiling down at Castiel, clearly holding back her excitement in order to not overwhelm Castiel too quickly.

"No problem," she grinned, "just be careful, your magic is still rather-" she didn't finish her sentence, so Castiel did it for her.

"Pissed that I locked it away for years?"

"To the extent magic can be, yeah."

Castiel smiled at her, before turning his attention back to Dean. "Hey," he whispered softly. "It's okay."

"I was so worried," Dean said, a high pitched sad sounding whine following his words. "I thought I was going to lose you. Charlie said you'd be fine in a minute but-"

"But you weren't so sure," Castiel finished for him when Dean just trailed off and clung tighter to him. "I promise I'm okay. That wasn't fun, at all, but I have my magic back now."

"Yeah, I know you do," Dean chuckled, glancing pointedly at their clasped hands. "It's nice you know, friendly, pure."

"That's a weird way to describe magic."

"Maybe," Dean shrugged, "but it's true. You are good and pure, and so is your magic."

Cas glanced around the room uncomfortably, unable to look at Dean when he was saying things he knew weren't true. "I wouldn't say pure."

"Well I would," Dean replied, unbothered.

Castiel smiled softly at his familiar, taking a moment to marvel at how amazing he was. And for some reason, he'd chosen Cas.

"This is very cute," Charlie jumped in before they could continue, "but Cas, let's get you to the couch shall we? Might be more comfortable than the floor.

Castiel was plenty comfortable, but he agreed it was probably best to move. The only problem was, well, now he had to move.

He breathed deeply for a moment, waiting until his stomach had calmed enough that he no longer felt like he was going to puke at the slightest movement, and then he slowly pushed himself up to standing. His head spun for a moment, but it too settled, and he found himself feeling better than he had for years.

"Careful," Charlie warned. She and Dean each took a side, and together they helped Castiel walk to the couch. It annoyed him just a little bit, but he understood their concern so didn't say anything, just rolled his eyes a bit and sat when they told him to sit.

"It's not that bad, you know," he chuckled, when Dean ran to get him a cushion to lean against. "I'm okay."

"Yeah, but," Dean stopped, chewing on his lip while he looked for the words he wanted, "I want to help," he shrugged, "this feels like helping."

"It is helping," Castiel promised, unable to stop his soft smile when he looked at Dean. Okay, maybe it wasn't the most useful thing in the world, but the very fact Dean cared helped, and the fact his familiar was there helped, and Dean just being Dean helped.

"Get some rest," Charlie commanded, "hopefully you'll be better when you wake up, and we can get started on getting you used to magic again."

Castiel couldn't argue that he wasn't exhausted, so he nodded and lay down on the couch, shutting his eyes and letting the darkness take him away.

It was still light when he woke up, so he had no idea how long had passed, but he felt worlds better and could already feel his magic getting used to being free again, without nearly blowing up everything around him.

There was a solid warmth pressed against his side, and it took him a moment to recognise the feeling of Dean's wolf form. He craned his head up to see the wolf with his head resting on his paws, watching Castiel with still slightly concerned eyes.

"Dean," he smiled, stroking Dean from head to back. "I'm still okay. I won't disappear if you look away you know." Dean ducked his head, telling Castiel that that had been exactly what he had been thinking, and he pressed even firmer against Castiel's hand.

"Yeah, yeah," Castiel laughed, "I know."

Charlie walked into the room just then, a mug of coffee in her hands which she passed to him. "Good to see you again, how're you feeling?"

"Great," Castiel stretched out his back, "how long was I asleep?"

"A couple of hours, not too long," Charlie promised. "Actually you woke up just in time, I've cooked some dinner."

"You're too good for me, Charlie."

"Nonsense, now come on, I'll plate everything up in the kitchen."

"I'll be in in a minute," he promised, waiting until she'd left the room to turn back to Dean. "And you should turn back onto your human form so you can eat with us, don't you think?"

Dean just stared at him for a long moment, whining quietly, almost subvocally, before the air around them shifted and he was sitting next to Castiel as a human again.

"Hello," Castiel chuckled, pulling Dean into a tight hug.

"Hello," Dean whispered. "I- this is so weird. I'm so used to there being so little magic around here, and now you're radiating it like there is no tomorrow."

"Is it a problem?" Castiel was instantly worried, he never wanted to hurt Dean.

"No, just different," Dean shrugged, "different isn't always a bad thing, and I think this is one of the good differences."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Oi, love birds," Charlie yelled through the cabin, which Castiel thought was a bit unfair, seeing as they still hadn't actually told her about that. She may have guessed, but she didn't have anything confirmed yet. "Hurry up before it gets cold!"

"That jab doesn't work when we're actually together," Dean yelled back before Castiel could say anything, and they both listened as Charlie made what sounded like the noise a computer makes when it's shutting down, before she started loudly squealing.

"I'm so happy for you guys!" She yelled, ducking back into the living room. "Why didn't you tell me earlier!"

"It only happened the day before yesterday," Castiel explained, "with everything that happened- yeah, it didn't really come up."

"I understand," Charlie nodded, "but still! I'm just so pleased! You guys deserve this!"

Castiel smiled, looking at Dean who looked back with the softest look he had ever seen. They really did deserve this.

Chapter Text

Charlie had to leave pretty much as soon as they had finished eating, seeing as she still had work the next day, and needed to get her eight hours in. She hadn’t wanted to go, which was probably at least partially because she was worried about Cas’ magic going insane and hurting them while she wasn’t there, but after a couple of minutes of dithering she finally decided she didn’t have time to linger, and started leaving. She waved goodbye and made them promise to be careful and to message her with updates on how Cas' magic was, as well as a reminder that if they needed any help she was just a phone call away, and then she was gone, and Dean and Cas were alone again.

It was quiet without her. Dean was quiet next to Castiel, and even the forest animals weren’t making as much noise as they normally did, probably picking up on the volatile magic in the air. He could feel it prickling under his skin, along with the feeling of eyes on the side of his head, and it was just heightening his anxiety. The last time he had used his magic had been… Castiel couldn’t even call it a disaster, because it had been so much worse than that. He knew this was the right choice, but it was certainly bringing some unwanted memories back to the forefront of his mind.

He sighed loudly, figuring it was about time to head to bed. Maybe he would feel better after a proper night's sleep. It couldn’t get worse at the very least. When Castiel turned to head back inside, he found Dean staring at him, his emerald eyes wide and almost unseeing. They were dark, but Castiel couldn’t tell if that was just because it was dark out or not. He waited for a moment, and then another one, but it didn't look like Dean was going to say anything any time soon, so he figured he should probably move it along before they were stuck in a staring match all night.

"Dean?" he prompted carefully, not completely surprised when Dean seemed to jolt out of his thoughts at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah? Everything okay, Cas?"

"That was what I was about to ask you, actually," Castiel said. He smiled, but it felt forced and he doubted he was fooling Dean. The familiar could read him pretty well, and that included when Cas was actually managing to do a half decent job at hiding his feelings. Now was not one of those times. He was worried… And having his magic back already had him feeling jittery, so this was just making him feel even more uncomfortable, and he could bet that was shining through with every part of his body language.

"Oh," Dean paused for a moment, sounding like he hadn't expected Castiel to actually pick up on it, which had really been silly of him. Castiel always picked up on these things - he liked to think he did anyway - and he rarely was one to just let it slide without at least trying to talk about it. "Yeah, I'm fine, still just getting used to this I suppose," Dean shrugged, before adding in a slightly awed tone, "you have an aura now."

"An aura?" Castiel didn't think he'd heard of that one before. Or… actually… now he thought about it. He had read a book a while ago that had talked about familiars seeing witch’s auras. He couldn’t remember what it had said, but he thought he remembered the phrase ‘profound bond’ being used at least twice.

He liked the thought of that. Having a profound bond with Dean.

"Yeah," Dean nodded, his eyes drifting to sometime just offset from Castiel’s face. "You must be powerful… I can see your magic. It's just a haze, but it's there."

"Huh, sounds nice,” Castiel said, “I’ve never met anyone who has seen an aura before. Is it colourful?"

"It’s a nice blue colour," Dean shrugged, "I don’t know why I can see it. I guess the fact we are close is probably a part of it, as well as your power."

Castiel nodded, then gently pulled Dean into a kiss. "Come on, we've had a long day. I guess I'll have to figure out spells tomorrow, though I have no idea where to even start with that. I wasn't even good at spells before I locked my magic away for years."

"I'll help," Dean promised. "I can't do magic myself, but I know a fair bit about the theory of it."

"I'd love that," Cas smiled, leaning into Dean's side. "Honestly, I would love anything as long as I was with you.”

“You’re a sap,” Dean sighed, but there was a wide smile on his face and he looked at Cas with unfiltered love in his eyes.

“You love it,” Cas replied, lightly shoving at Dean’s shoulder and marvelling at how the magic under his skin bounced at the lightest contact. Maybe one day, when he had proper control of his magic again, they would be able to enjoy the sparks that literally flew every time they touched. For now though, Cas just looked distrustfully at the porch light on their way past and tried to hold the fireworks in.

“Here,” Dean said softly, holding his hand out palm up. The moment he pressed his palm against Dean’s, his magic calmed. “There we go,” Dean grinned, his eyes ever so slightly glowing for a moment, before he too calmed.

“You’re good at that,” Castiel breathed, watching as the forest out their window seemed to shake life into their leaves, and Castiel was glad to know his excess energy was being put to a good use.

“Unlike you, I’ve been practicing my powers for most of my life,” Dean shrugged, “when it's apparently your only use in life, it’s a good idea to be good at it.”

Castiel felt his face fall at the mention of Dean’s past, and he was unsurprised when Dean pulled him even tighter against his side and whispered pointless reminders that he was safe now into Castiel’s ear. He knew Dean was safe now, but that didn’t change his past, nor the fact his past had already come looking once, and Castiel doubted that would be the last of that.

Castiel felt weird when he woke up the next morning. There was some sort of confusing mix of emotions in his chest, somehow including anxiety and excitement and comfort and love. He blinked his eyes open, smiling down at the bright green eyes that were already staring back at him.

“Good morning, Love,” Castiel murmured. He didn’t even notice the pet name slipping out until it had already been said, but he didn't want to take it back anyway. It- It just worked. It suited Dean somehow, and Castiel wasn’t going to change it unless Dean asked him to.

“Love?” Dean asked quietly. “I think I like it.”

“Good.” Castiel wanted to bask in the warmth of their bed for at least a little bit longer, but they needed all the time they could get to get Castiel using his magic again. He had the feeling this would take a while, and Cas wanted to be ready as soon as he possibly could. If anyone else from Dean’s past turned up… Castiel was going to make them regret it.

“You’re about to say we should get up,” Dean groaned, slipping over to bury his face in his pillow, clutching the duvet tightly against his sides.

"Why on Earth would you think that?" Castiel giggled.

"Because I know you," Dean sighed, "and I have spent enough time waking up with you to know how you sound when you're about to say we should get up."

"Point aside," Cas grinned, "we should get up."

"Yeah, I'm sure we must," Dean flipped back onto his back to glare at Castiel, though it didn't really do much when he was smiling so sweetly at the same time.

"Come on, let's have some breakfast," Castiel said, "and then I'm going to need your help with the magic thing."

"Sure thing," Dean agreed. He was still trying to look disgruntled, but it was difficult to take his annoyance seriously when he was clearly so happy. His eyes were shining, and he shifted himself closer until he was pressed against Castiel's side and he could feel the press of Dean's smile against his thigh.

"Come on, Dean," Cas grinned, yanking at the duvet until it was flipped down, exposing Dean to the colder air of the room. Dean squealed, and tried to yank the duvet back, but Castiel jumped off the bed and dragged it with him, so Dean was forced to get up too.

"Okay, okay," Dean laughed breathlessly, jumping to his feet and pressing him into Castiel's side as though he was trying to steal the other man's body heat. "You win! I'm up!"

"Good! Finally! Now come on, I'm going to make some breakfast, and you're not going to complain. Got it."

"Loud and clear," Dean said with an audible roll of his eyes. "Let's do this."

Magic was a lot harder than Castiel remembered. When he'd been little it had been as easy as breathing. A simple thought, and it would happen. It was more tiring than just thinking, sure, but it was so easy. He'd loved it, and practised it constantly, which just made this even worse.

His first attempt to use some magic, nothing had happened. It had taken some gentle coaxing from Dean before he managed to figure out how to even make anything happen, and even then it was unpredictable. Sometimes it was just a little thing - too much magic, too little, the whole thing just slightly to the left - but sometimes it ended up the completely wrong thing.

It was disheartening, how badly it all was going, and however much Dean tried to assure him that it was expected that he wouldn't be amazing straight away, it didn't make him feel any better.

"Come on Cas, keep going! I know you'll get it this time!" Dean encouraged. Castiel was thankful they had taken this outside, as it was better to have a couple of scorched patches of grass than an entire burnt down cabin.

"Dean, I'm just going to stop," Castiel sighed. He was tired. The candle still wasn't lit, and he was worried that if he went on any longer he was going to burn the forest down.

"No, Cas! Come on, just a little bit longer. You can do this, I promise!"

Except he clearly couldn't. He'd been able to light a candle with a thought when he was eight years old, but apparently now he was twenty five, he couldn't.

"Thinking you can't do it, is why you can't do it," Dean continued. "You've got to believe in yourself! Magic is all about the mind!"

This wasn't the first time Dean had said something which would probably be helpful if Castiel wasn't quite so frustrated. He had no idea how the familiar knew so much about magic - he spoke with such certainty, and yet he couldn't have ever actually used the tricks he was suggesting. Familiars can't use magic after all.

For a moment Castiel thought about asking, but in the end he didn't. It was probably nothing, and if it was something, then Dean would tell him when he was ready. Castiel didn't need to push to find things about Dean, unless Dean asked him to.

"Come on, Cas!" Dean interrupted his thoughts. "I believe in you!"

Castiel nodded, closing his eyes and taking a moment to think about Dean, to settle himself and replace his frustration with peace.

When he opened his eyes again the candle was lit, the grass around it untouched, and Dean was standing just next to it clapping and grinning at him.

"What did I say!"

"Yeah, alright," Cas laughed, feeling giddy, which was really stupid seeing as every first grader could do that, but not even that knowledge brought his mood down.

He'd done it!

He'd used his magic!

And nothing had gone wrong.

Chapter Text

They practiced hard for the rest of the day, and Castiel actually found himself getting better. It was difficult for a while, but then it seemed as though magic was a skill that wasn't easily fully forgotten, and before too long he was almost back to the level he been before he bound his magic away - though he didn't remember it ever being this tiring - and Dean promised that he'd get Castiel doing more difficult spells before he knew it.

It was all going so well, and then suddenly, it wasn't.

"Alright, Cas!" Dean grinned, his face alight with joy as clapped his hands, full of so much excitement that it was painted across every movement he made. "I think it's time we try something new."

"Alright," Cas shrugged. It wouldn't be anything too difficult, Dean understood that Castiel was still rusty and needed more time before doing something particularly beyond basic magic.

"Don't worry, Cas," Dean grinned, "this one's easy. Should be basic instinct by this point." He held his hand out for Cas to grasp, and as soon as he did, Castiel could feel his skin tingling. He was unable to stop himself from pulling Dean into his arms for a moment, pressing a kiss against his lips. They both relaxed into it, and Castiel smiled softly when he heard a rumble start up in Dean's chest.

He pulled away, grinning even more at Dean's disgruntled expression. "You're adorable."

"No I'm not," Dean pouted, which only caused him to make him look even more adorable.

"Alright, you said we were trying something new," Castiel laughed, gently tapping Dean's nose just to watch as his boyfriend scrunched his nose up.

"Ahh, yes," Dean nodded, his eyes unfocusing for a moment, before focusing back on Castiel - clearly getting his mind back onto the matter at hand. "Magic." He squeezed Castiel's hand, both of them smiling at the way their joined hands tingle.

"Yes, magic," Cas agreed with a smirk, "that's what we're out here for."

Dean rolled his eyes at him, unimpressed. "I want you to increase your magic through me, and use it for something. Doesn't matter what."

Castiel felt his breathing stutter for a moment, his limbs seizing up as his memory ruthlessly reminded him what happened last time.

He shook the thoughts away. This was different. This wasn't then.

He was older, Dean was experienced, they would both be okay. 

He closed his eyes, squeezing Dean's hand as he carefully followed his instincts, letting his magic reach out and glow through Dean. His hands were shaking, but he didn't let himself think about it too much, just focused on the magic returning to him, and did his best to concentrate it into the ground around him.

A loud pop, followed by a crash, startled him, causing him to jump back away from Dean, his eyes wide as he desperately tried to figure out what was going on. His breathing was unsteady as he looked around, finding a large branch nearby which seemed to have fallen straight off the tree.

Or been forced off the tree by Castiel's magic, more likely.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said quietly, concern swimming through his green eyes. "Is everything okay?'

"Yes," Cas lied reflexively, breathing for a moment watching Dean before correcting himself. "No, no I'm really not."

"Okay," Dean said, and Castiel could see the panic Dean was feeling. He was clearly trying to hide it, but he had no idea what was going on, and Cas didn't blame him for being worried, maybe even scared. "Let's go inside shall we?"

"Yeah," Cas nodded tiredly, "yeah, let's."

They walked back inside silently. Castiel could tell that Dean wanted to hold his hand, his fingers twitching in the air between them, but Castiel made sure not to get close enough that he could. He didn't trust himself right now, didn't trust his magic, and he refused to let himself hurt Dean. Not after… not after everything.

They sat down on the couch together, Castiel carefully placing himself on the opposite side to Dean, and thankfully the familiar didn't try to shuffle closer.

"What happened, Cas?" Dean asked, breaking the silence before it could get too suffocating. "I thought it was going well."

"It was going well," Cas sighed, rubbing his forehead. It seemed it was time to get his story told, and although it would probably be nice to get it off his chest, the thought of telling Dean the full story-

"This is about Balthazar, isn't it?" Dean asked hesitantly. "About you- you thinking you killed him."

"There's is no ‘thinking’ about it," Cas replied, his vouc hard and angry. "I killed him. End of story."

"Except, not really," Dean said slowly, "you've never actually told me what happened."

"No. I haven't, have I," Cas sighed, "I guess it's time to change that. I think- yeah, I think I need to tell the full story."

Dean nodded, leaning back against the couch arm, but stretching his legs out towards Castiel. He understood Dean's gesture of support, but for now he kept himself away. He didn't want to have to watch as Dean pulled away after hearing about Cas' past.

"Balthazar was my best friend when I was younger," Cas started, "a peacock familiar who everyone knew would go far one day. He and I went everywhere together. Everyone who knew us, knew that if they ever needed to find one of us, they just needed to go looking for the other." There was a small smile on his face from the memories, but it fell quickly when he thought about what happened next.

"We- we were playing in the woods one day," his voice started shaking and his eyes turned misty, but he kept going, knowing that if he stopped now, he would never get started again. "It was just like every other day. We were running around, chasing each other, doing what ten year olds do, but I wasn't paying enough attention, and next thing I knew, I got caught in a bear trap."

"Ouch," Dean whispered, and he wasn't far off. Castiel didn't think he'd ever felt such burning pain before in his life, and he distinctly remembered, at the time, thinking he was going to die.

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," Castiel chuckled wetly, reaching up to surreptitiously wipe his tears away, though he didn't try to delude himself with the belief that Dean hadn't noticed.

"It was- it was bad. We managed to work together to get it off my leg, but there- there was so much blood. Honestly, I barely remember what happened, I was practically hysterical and Balth wasn't much better."

"What happened, Cas," Dean asked when Castiel faltered to a stop, gently encouraging the witch while he watched him with caring eyes.

"It was his idea," Castiel sighed, closing his eyes. It was almost like he could see it happening in front of him, the amount of times he'd had nightmares about it.

He remembered how proud Balth had sounded when he'd shared his idea. How he'd clicked his fingers and said "I know! You can increase your magic through me! That way you'll be able to heal yourself!" It had seemed genius at the time, like there was no way it could go wrong.

"It should have been so easy," he said, his voice little more than a whisper, "this wasn't the first time I'd funnelled magic through a familiar, but- fuck."

"But you were injured," Dean gasped in realisation.

"Yeah," Cas replied. He remembered the feeling of the magic flowing through his blood, the power that had filled him, the cool relief that had soothed his leg as it healed.

But then he'd opened his eyes.

"My magic was too strong, he was too inexperienced-" Cas didn't even bother trying to wipe the tears away anymore. They were flowing too quickly for there to be any point to it. "He didn't die straight away. But- he wasn't going to get better. He clung on for a week, and kept on telling me it wasn't my fault- but I knew. He would still be alive if I hadn't done that. I would have survived that bear trap, but he didn't survive me."

"No," Dean growled, his lips drawn back to reveal his gums. "No. It wasn't your fault. You were hurt, you were a child. It was an accident."

"It was still my fault," Cas replied tiredly.

"He didn't blame you, don't blame yourself."

"That's easier said than done," Cas muttered, finally allowing himself to shuffle over and lean against Dean. He expected the familiar to flinch, to push him away, he didn't know, but he hadn't expected Dean to wrap his arms around him and hug him tightly.

"You've been healing," Dean realised, whispering the words against Castiel's hair. "Since I've been here. Letting me stay, unbinding your magic, all of it."

"Yeah. I guess I have been."

"That must have been difficult," Dean pointed out, "you've been doing so well already."

"Yeah," Cas nodded, though he didn't really feel like he was doing anything well. It had been hard, he supposed, but it had just been a thing, and it was weird to be being praised for it.

"I know I never knew him," Dean said, his breath tickling through Castiel's hair as he reached down and threaded their fingers together. "But I think Balthazar would be proud of you. It's taken you a while to get here, and you've still got a long way to go but- you seem happy Cas, and I'm sure that's what Balthazar would have wanted."

"Yeah," Cas chuckled, wiping his eyes, "he always wanted me to be happy, and I think he was expecting to be here for it, but that doesn't change the fact he wanted it."

They spent a long time just lying on the couch together, Dean's arms tight around Cas' side while Cas absentmindedly fiddled with the hem of Dean's shirt.

It felt weird to be doing things this way round, with Dean as the comforter and Cas the one needing comfort, but honestly this was probably long overdue. Although he never would have told a stranger his entire life story, he really should have told Dean about this a long time ago. Probably before they started dating and Cas unbound his magic, though at least he'd done it before they bound themselves together and… that was a thought.

"Do you still want to bond? At some point." Castiel asked, wondering if maybe this would be where Dean drew the line.

"Yeah, so long as you still want to." Unsurprisingly, that wasn't where Dean drew the line, and Cas found himself wondering where Dean did draw it. How far was too far? What would Castiel have to do for Dean to leave him far behind.

"Hey, what're you thinking?" Dean asked, using his thumb to lift Castiel's chin so he was forced to look him in the eye.

"What would I have to do to scare you away?" Cas asked, only realising how that sounded after he had asked it. "I don't want to! I just- I want to know."

"The moment I think your heart isn't pure any more, I'm running for the hills," Dean answered, and Castiel could see in his eyes that it was the truth.

"Good," Castiel nodded, "I'm going to hold you to that."

"If you're holding me to that, then clearly I have nothing to worry about."

Castiel rolled his eyes, but the tension between them was gone, as though it had never been there. Castiel held his hand out in front of him, staring at it as though he'd be able to see the magic he could feel just under the surface. He wasn't as scared of it as he had been before - but maybe that was just because Dean's trust in him was contagious - and although he was still wary, he had to admit he'd missed it. His magic was a part of him, and having it back was filling a hole in him that he'd been doing his best to ignore for years.

Chapter Text

Dean had been deep in thought all evening. Ever since their conversation on the couch, he had been quiet, and Castiel was starting to get worried. He understood that the familiar had lots to think about… but call him selfish but he'd much rather Dean be thinking outloud, rather than what he was going right then. The quiet concentration was kind of unnerving.

"Dean? Is everything okay?" Cas eventually asked, when he couldn't stand it any longer. Dean looked over at him from the other side of the couch - he'd stood up to go to the toilet and had gone to his own side when he'd returned instead of rejoining Cas - confusion in his eyes.

"Yeah, course it is," Dean replied, and Castiel didn't even think he was lying. It seemed he'd been worrying about nothing. "Why?"

"You've been quiet," Castiel shrugged, feeling a bit awkward now. He'd been so sure something was wrong, but it had just been him being paranoid after all.

"Oh," Dean muttered, "sorry, I've been thinking."

"About what? You've been thinking for hours."

Dean frowned, looking over at the clock and seeming surprised when he saw what time it was. "Huh, I didn't realize it had been so long," he said quietly.

"What were you thinking about?" Cas prompted again when Dean didn't answer his question the first time.

"A few things, but mainly- Cas- have you ever gone to therapy?"

Castiel's instinctual reaction was to argue, tell Dean that of course he had never gone to therapy, he didn't need it! He didn't do that though. Instead, he thought. He looked at Dean, and he thought it all through.

"I never have," Cas admitted, "but I'm starting to think maybe I should." He'd never even thought of it before, but now Dean mentioned it… the familiar's presence was helping him heal, but Dean couldn't do everything, and it would be unfair of Castiel to try and make him. If Cas wanted to heal - wanted to be the witch Dean deserved - then he needed to work for it too.

"Really?" Dean grinned, and it was only then that Cas realised that Dean must have been carrying this around all afternoon. He'd wanted to suggest Cas get help but hadn't wanted to… hadn't wanted to what? Hadn't wanted to overstep boundaries? Hadn't wanted to make Cas uncomfortable?

"Yeah, really," Cas nodded, "I'm going to call Charlie tomorrow, ask her for the best therapist in town. I know this is about me, but maybe we should ask Charlie to make you an appointment too?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, shuffling around on the couch as though he was uncomfortable. "Yeah, I think that would be a good idea," he nodded, "I- it feels wrong to be admitting I need help, my dad- well, I guess you can figure out what he said about familiars and weakness, but I suppose that's just proof that I need help."

"It's very brave of you to admit that," Castiel said seriously, warning him a short, and an eye roll, and a muttered 'you literally just did the exact same thing man.' But the look of fondness on Dean's face definitely made it worth it.

"Come here you dork," Dean laughed, opening his arms and pulling Cas into a soft kiss the moment he was close enough.

"Hey Charlie," Castiel grinned. He'd texted Charlie about an hour ago asking about therapists in town, and the fact she was calling him meant she was either going to squeal about how proud she was, or she had some therapists for Castiel to consider.

"Hey Cas! How've you been doing?"

Castiel didn't even need to try to hear the hidden meaning in her words. She wanted to know if something horrible happened, but didn't want to be insensitive.

"Everything is fine," he promised, "I told Dean about Balthazar." He fiddled with his shirt, waiting for his friend's response.

"Really! That's great! Unless something went wrong, or Dean was a jerk about it, or-"

"It went fine," Castiel laughed, feeling his previous nervousness evaporate instantly in the face of Charlie's reaction. "He's actually the one who suggested I try therapy. I've been carrying this guilt around with me for so long and- I think Dean is right. I think I need to let it go, at least a little bit. Hopefully it will help him too."

"I agree," Charlie said, and Castiel could hear the smile and the pride in her voice. "I'm so-"

"If you're about to say you're proud of me, you better stop right there," Castiel warned, which unfortunately he said just as Dean was walking through the room, which honestly he should have known could only lead to one outcome.

"I'm proud of you!" Dean yelled, loud enough that Charlie heard it from the other end of the phone call, and was reduced to peals of laughter.

"Yeah, okay," Castiel sighed tiredly, "did you find us a therapist?"

"That I did," Charlie said, and knowing her she was probably nodding despite the fact Castiel couldn't see her. "So you remember Missori Mosley?"

"Oh yeah," Castiel hummed, "we all thought she was psychic when we were small."

"Yeah," Charlie laughed, remembering, "she always knew when we were getting into trouble."

"Probably stopped more mischief than all our parents combined. I didn't know she was a therapist though."

"She's the best we have," Charlie informed him, "if anyone's going to be able to help you and Dean, it's her."

"Thanks for the help, Charlie. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'm sure you'd manage," Charlie told him, with a quiet laugh, "maybe not as well as you're doing it right now, but I think you have enough skills to muddle your way through it."

"Well I'm glad one of us has faith in me."

"One of us has to, and from the looks of things, it's not going to be you."

Castiel couldn't argue with that. He was going better now than he had been doing for years, but he hasn't quite reached the 'believing in himself' stage yet.

Dean walked back into the room, taking one look at Cas before he wandered over to pull the witch into a tight hug. Castiel was impossibly thankful for both Charlie, and Dean, and promised himself he would do better for them - and for himself as well.

Castiel was terrified. The day of their therapy appointments had snuck up on them impossibly quickly, and before he knew it they were getting ready to make the trip into town. Despite the fact Cas' was getting pretty used to visiting town by now, it felt like going for the first time all over again.

Dean - somehow - seemed completely unaffected. He was just as chipper and enthusiastic as every other time, and although Cas could see a little bit of anxiety just inside his eyes, he was mainly just excited to be back in town and hopefully seeing some of his friends. 

"Ready?" Dean asked, climbing into the driving seat and watching Castiel patiently while he dithered. They had a time constraint, and honestly Castiel had to admit that being late for the appointment would be at least ten times worse than having to go in the first place.

Castiel laughed silently to himself. Having to go. He'd chosen to come here. Messaged Charlie for recommendations himself, booked the appointments himself, added them to the calendar himself. There was nothing and no one but himself forcing him to go.

Oh… and… you know… the overwhelming desire not to let Dean down.

"Let's do this then," Cas sighed, slipping into the front passenger seat and trying to relax his posture - he knew he had a tendency to sit as though there was a stuck up his ass when he was nervous, Gabriel had never stopped pointing it out when they were younger, but Castiel hadn't quite managed to grow out of it yet - and listen to Dean.

Thankfully, Dean had clearly noticed Castiel's worry, as he didn't try to make him carry any kind of conversation, they just exchanged some surprisingly comfortable small talk, and listened to music. Castiel had the feeling that if didn't already love Dean, he would be falling deeper and deeper by the second.

Actually, scratch that. Castiel was falling deeper by the second. Falling deeper into the bottomless pit that was his affection for Dean.

"What're you thinking about?" Dean chuckled, a fond look in his eyes even while he kept them glued onto the road.

"It doesn't matter right now," Cas replied, "I’ll tell you later.”

“Sounds exciting.”

And Cas smiled to himself, because yeah, it really was exciting.

Missouri hadn’t changed much since Cas had last seen her, and he had to admit, it definitely helped. It had been hard doing therapy, and somehow even harder sending Dean in after him, but the steady familiarity of the entire town’s surrogate parent had made it much easier. Their first session wasn’t much actual talking about what had happened. It was more catching up from the past few years than actual therapy, but it did help anyway.

He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the next session, but he wasn’t dreading it like he had been before, which was a start at the very least.

Her house had barely changed since when Cas was small, and there was nothing weirder than sitting in the room he distinctly remembered eating cookies in after a long day in the forest, for therapy. Every wall in the house was full of ghosts. Ghosts of children, of childhood, of Castiel and so many others pasts. And the weird thing was, you didn’t even need the memories to be able to tell that. Missouri had alway been one for taking photos, and they littered her walls. Photos from when she was a small girl, all the way to the children Castiel recognized from the few times they’d visited town, seeing them running around causing mayhem. Castiel had to physically push Dean on when he stopped in the hallway to stare at an embarrassing picture of Cas when he was younger.

Castiel had missed Missori, and it was lovely to be back, even if therapy - despite the fact they barely did any actual therapy the first session - was mentally exhausting.

By the time they started the drive home, they were both quiet, subdued, tired, but even more certain that this was the right decision. Castiel knew Missori could help him, and almost more importantly - though he could think of at least three people who would stab him instantly if he said something like that to their face - he knew Missori would be able to help Dean.

Together, they would heal. But that was something for another day. Today, Castiel was going to get home, and bake some chocolate chip cookies. He wasn’t a master baker, but he was good enough to manage them, and he and Dean deserved them after everything.

He was just wondering which recipe he should use, when he heard a quiet throat clear from next to him. It was deliberate, clearly Dean trying to get his attention, though he didn’t know why.

“Dean?” he asked.

“Umm, well,” Dean took one hand off the wheel to rub the back of his neck, “this appointment with Missori got me thinking, and Cas- I know I’ve said it before, but I can never adequately thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

“It was nothin-” Cas started to say, but Dean cut him off.

“No. You risked everything to let me stay with you. You faced your demons to let me stay, even after seeing what my past is… you are still here for me. And I know you don’t think anything of it - because you’re so fucking nice - but seriously Cas, it’s a big deal, and I owe you my life.”

“I would do it again,” Cas replied, “in a heartbeat. I will always catch you if you fall.”

“I know you will,” Dean laughed, “that's why I’m thanking you, dumbass.”

Cas smiled back, the insult so affectionate when coming from his familiar.

“You’re welcome.” And if it was somehow as much a promise as it was an acception of the thanks, then that was just how some things went.

Chapter Text

Castiel started baking the moment he arrived home. He’d wanted to rest, but the longer the drive had gone on the more restless he’d found himself becoming - haunted by ghosts from the past - and all he’d really wanted to do was bake. Chocolate made everything better, and it wasn’t like Dean was about to complain about cookies.

“What’re you doing?” Dean pouted when Cas stopped in the kitchen instead of following him back to the bedroom. Dean needed a lie down after his session - and after driving them home - and Cas had been planning to join him. He’d changed his mind though. He couldn’t imagine anything worse than staying still while his mind ran in circles, even if Dean would make it ten times better. It still wasn’t enough to be a good idea.

“I’m baking,” Cas replied, pulling his old recipe book down from the cupboard. He hadn’t used it in a while, but he still remembered exactly which page the recipe for his favourite chocolate chip cookies was on.

“And that’s more important than me?” Dean whined.

“I’m baking chocolate chip cookies,” Castiel elaborated, laughing quietly when Dean instantly perked up and wiped the pout off his face.

“Well in that case,” he grinned, “wake me up when they’re done!”

Castiel shook his head fondly, shooing Dean in the direction of the bedroom as he pulled out all the ingredients he needed. Dean was too adorable for his own good sometimes.

He’d just finished the batter - and was about to add the chocolate chips - when he heard a knock at the door. To say that was a rare occurrence would be a vast understatement. Cas couldn’t remember the last time someone had knocked on that door. Charlie normally just waltzed right in - it wasn't like he locked his door - or Cas went out to meet her. Dean lived here, and didn’t bother knocking, and Cas hadn’t had another visiter than that for years.

He washed his hands off, and headed to the door, feeling his magic start to spark as he readied himself to protect his home and his familiar. If this was another figure from Dean’s past, then unlucky them, because Cas refused to let them hurt Dean, and he was just volatile enough to be a danger.

The knock came again, louder, as though whoever was knocking expected Cas to have not heard them the first ten times. 

"I'm coming!" Cas growled out, thankful that the person seemed to have heard him, as the knocking stopped. For a moment Castiel wondered if it could be some kind of joke - he'd taken part in his fair share of knock-and-run games when he was younger - but he lived way too rural for that to be the truth. So who was there?

He swung the door open without checking the peephole first, and instantly froze. A million thoughts went through his head in one moment. Was he asleep? Hallucinating? Just nice and simple batshit insane? He didn't know, what he did know was that this couldn't be real.

He wished it could be, but that just wasn't how Castiel's life went.

"Hey, good to see you again, Cassie," Gabriel said with a slightly shy smile, clearly unsure how Castiel was going to react. To be honest, Cas had no idea either. Gabriel had disappeared into the dark of night nine years ago with nothing more than a goodbye note and a plate of cookies left cooling on the counter. Castiel's anger at being abandoned had long evaporated, but he'd never expected to see his brother again, never mind confront the fact he'd abandoned him.

"What are you doing here?" Cas asked tonelessly, barely able to believe that this was real.

"It was time for me to come back," Gabe shrugged. "I missed you, I missed home, and there was nothing tying me down, so here I am."

"How- how did you find me?" Cas wanted to be excited to see his brother again, he just needed to wrap his head around it first.

"I asked around town. It's not exactly like I've been away long enough for everyone to forget me."

"It feels like it has," Cas muttered under his breath.

Gabe gave him a sad look before continuing, rubbing the back of his neck in a gesture that reminded Cas completely of Dean. "They knew I was looking for you, and it's not like there are a billion cabins in the woods you could be in."

"Why did you come here?"

"I wanted to see you again. Look, I've got a place in town, I'm not going to force you to talk to me or anything like that. I just wanted to tell you face to face, I'm back, and I'm not planning on leaving again any time soon."

Castiel sighed. Closing the door and turning his back would be so easy. His life was on its way to being perfect, and Gabe's presence could mess it all up again, but… he couldn't just turn away.

He just couldn't.

And so, he didn't.

Instead he pushed the door open even wider and took a step backwards. "Come on in," he said, "conveniently I've got a batch of cookies I am about to put in the oven."

"Nice," Gabe cheered, following Cas through the cabin and obediently taking a seat in the chair Cas pointed him to. Cas was about to open his mouth to ask Gabe about how his life had been, when he noticed his brother sniffing the air with a confused look on his face.

"I was told you lived alone," Gabe frowned, his head tilting and a few of his golden retriever mannerisms slipping through.

"Whoever told you where to find me was clearly very behind," Cas shrugged, "I have a boyfriend, Dean."

As though summoned by the sound of his name, a sleepy looking wolf trotted into the room, doing a double take at the sight of Gabe before he lept to stand in front of Cas, growling lowly.

"It's okay," Cas promised, bending down to scratch behind Dean's ears. "That's Gabriel, my brother."

There was a shift of magic and then human Dean was back, pushing himself to his feet and looking rather disgruntled.

"You're brother? Which one?"

"Gabriel," Cas shrugged, "The one who went travelling."

Dean frowned for a bit longer before he shifted his attention back to Gabe. "And now you're back?"

"Yup," Gabriel nodded, watching Dean just as distrustfully. "How did you two meet?"

Dean tensed up a little bit, shifting backwards until he was leaning against Cas' side. "I was running. I found myself here. Cas let me stay."

"And you started dating?"

"We became friends first," Cas shrugged, "it just felt right." He could see his brother taking a moment to mull it all over, probably trying to figure if there was any way Dean had malicious intentions - there wasn't - and having to decide if he was happy for them, or just worried.

"You're happy together?" he asked after a long silence.

"Happier than I've ever been," Cas replied, at the same time as Dean said, "extremely."

"I'm glad for you both then," Gabe shrugged. "I'm glad you're happy." There was a mistiness to Gabe's eyes, and they all did their best to pretend but to see when Gabe reached up to wipe them.

"Where've you been these last few years?" Castiel asked, figuring it would make good conversation. The way both Dean and Gabriel's eyes lit up at the suggestion told him he'd definitely made the right choice.

"I've been travelling, you know how it is," Gabe grinned, "I've seen the world, or most of the states at the very least. I never thought a ball of twine could be interesting."

"Was it?" Dean asked, skepticism clear in his voice.

"Not in the slightest! But everyone else seemed to think it was." 

Dean’s mouth twitched as he tried to hold back his smile, but that was all it took. The last of the tension that had been stifling them melted away like ice on a summer's day. It reminded Castiel of the Gabriel he had known growing up, before the urge to wander had overtaken everything else. Cas - once he'd stopped being angry - had always been glad that his brother had found a path he wanted to follow, but he was even more glad that the path had brought him back.

Gabriel told them story after story from his travels. Some of them were so fanatical that Castiel wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't just making them up on the spot, but Dean was listening intently, entranced in the tales Gabe was spinning, and Cas wasn't going to ruin that just for the sake of a bit of fact checking.

The cookies were done fairly quickly, and they all ate more than they probably should when it cooled. Castiel couldn't even mind when Gabe spread crumbs all over his couch, not when he was there and alive and grinning from ear to ear with Dean.

It was dark outside by the time Gabe left, stars blanketing the sky in all the places clouds had left bare. It turned out Gabriel hadn't driven - which was why Cas hadn't heard him approach - and Castiel had suggested he could just stay - he worried about what could happen in the forest at night - but Gabe had just shifted into his animal form and ran off, barking over his shoulder. Dean promised him that Gabe would be okay, but he was still a little tense until the 'got back safe' text came through to his phone. He and Gabe had exchanged numbers - a weird experience seeing as they had literally grown up together - but Castiel had to admit it was nice to look down at his phone and see his brother's name staring back at him.

He'd never thought he would ever see his brother again. This was surreal.

"Is everything okay, Cas?" Dean asked, curling himself around Cas' back and pressing soft kisses against his neck. Cas smiled, reaching back to run his fingers through the others' hair.

"Yeah," he breathed, closing his eyes and allowing the simple joy of the moment to wash over him. "Yeah, I really am."

"You've never mentioned Gabriel before," Dean reminded him, as though he could have forgotten. "Are you- are you okay with him being back?"

"I'm shocked," Castiel admitted with a small smile, "but at the same time-" he shrugged, "I'm just glad to have him back. I've missed him."

"I understand," Dean said, a weight in his voice telling Cas that he was thinking of his own family, of his own brother, now so far away. Castiel wondered if Dean ever wished that he hadn't run. He'd gained everything since then, but he'd lost his family, and assholes or not they were clearly important to Dean.

"Come on," Castiel said softly, spinning around and wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders. "We've had a long day, I think it's time we rest." 

Dean nodded in agreement, rubbing at his eyes before they laced their fingers together. They went through their evening routine, not straying more than a few meters away from each other. Eventually they found themselves curled up together under the covers, staring into each other's eyes without saying a word.

"You're everything to me," Dean whispered, seemingly out of nowhere, but Castiel could tell that wherever Dean's mind had gone, it had led to that.

"And you to me," Cas agreed, matching Dean's volume. He wondered what it was exactly that had caused this mood that hung over both their heads. Had it been memories from therapy they hadn't exactly wanted dredged up? Gabe's return? Was it just one of those days? Castiel didn't know, maybe it was all three, but what he did know was that Dean was here, and they'd get through this together.

"Sleep well, Dean," he whispered, his thumb rubbing gently against the burn on Dean's hip.

"You too." Dean's words only just understandable from being slurred together, sleep already dragging him away, but his green eyes shined with adoration through it, and he hummed happily when Castiel was unable to hold back from pressing a soft kiss against Dean's even softer mouth.

Chapter Text

Gabe texted Castiel the next morning, nonsense small talk about the park near their childhood home disappearing, and the tree they used to climb looking just as healthy as last time he'd been home.

Castiel texted back, of course, agreeing and talking about when they were small, and discussing what else had changed in the area since they were small.

And then they kept on texting.

It started shifting to more serious matters, deeper topics, as well as funnier discussions and inside jokes - both from when they were younger, and new ones they made up during their texting.

It was… actually amazing.

Castiel loved having this relationship back with his brother, loved the ease that had slipped back between them in the last few weeks. Even after all the years apart, it was like they had never stopped talking.

Gabriel : Do you want to meet up in town?

Gabriel : we could have a fun trip out like th old times!

Castiel shook his head, laughing quietly down at his phone. He and Gabriel clearly had very different memories of their old late night trips into town.

Cas : You mean when you used to go out and have fun and drag me along with you?

Gabriel : you lived it really!

Gabriel : loved**

Castiel was still chuckling quietly over Gabriel's messages when he wandered into the kitchen, greeting Dean with a soft kiss. Dean was busy at the stove, cooking them some lunch which he'd insisted on working on alone. He'd sent Cas outside to do some magic practice - Castiel liked to think he was getting pretty good by now - and then had got started.

"Smells delicious," Castiel praised, absentmindedly pushing a strand of Dean's hair off his forehead. It was starting to get pretty long, and Castiel wondered if he'd let him cut it.

"Hopefully it'll taste as good as it smells," Dean joked back, doubting his own skills, just as he always did.

"I'm sure it will," Castiel said, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders. "You're an amazing cook, you know." He could feel Dean's skin warming with a blush, and if he knew anything about Dean, it was that the other man would have an argument on the tip of his tongue that Castiel needed to make sure he didn't have the chance to voice.

"You're very skilled," Cas said, hiding a smile against Dean's shoulder. "Multi-talented in all kinds of ways."

"But-" Dean tried.

"Nope. You can fix a car, you can cook, I bet you can bake, you can garden, you can-"

"Yeah, yeah, alright," Dean muttered, a smile audible in his voice. "I get the idea, you love me. You think I'm awesome."

"And I'm right," Castiel nodded sagely. They ended up having a staring contest, neither of them willing to back down until Cas' phone buzzed loudly enough to startle them.

Gabriel : Hello????

Gabriel : are you ghosting me rn????

"Just Gabe," Castiel said softly.

"What did he want?"

"Apparently I was ignoring him," Castiel chuckled, quickly typing out a response.

Castiel : I was talking to Dean

Castiel : Not ignoring you.

"Were you ignoring him?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," Cas nodded, "I had bigger things to focus on. Like you."

"Will you stop!" Dean gasped, though he had a massive smile on his face and he clearly didn't mean the words he was saying.

"Never," Castiel replied. "Not for as long as you're being amazing anyway. And I doubt that's ever going to stop."

"You're the literal worst."

"And yet," Castiel sighed dramatically, "you're still here."

Castiel's phone buzzed loudly, and they both sighed as they glanced down at it.

Gabriel : So you in or what?

"Seriously, what does he want?"

"He wants to go out, 'just like the old days'," Cas explained, doing the finger quotes and everything.

"Oh cool," Dean smiled, before freezing for a moment. "I'm guessing that doesn't involve me?"

"Good question…" Cas frowned.

Castiel : Is Dean invited?

Gabriel : he's great, but no

Gabriel : this is just for us

"Sorry, Dean," Cas murmured, "he said no. I don't have to go if you don't want to be alone."

"No, no," Dean shook his head, "you should go. You deserve a night out with your brother."

"Not if it's just going to hurt you," Castiel argued. He did want to see his brother again, but Dean was too important to him for him to just abandon if the familiar needed him.

"It's fine," Dean promised, which didn't completely convince Castiel. "It's just one evening. I'll be fine."

"And you'll call me if you need me?" Cas checked.

"I promise," Dean nodded, his eyes wide and innocent. Castiel knew that if Dean promised something, he would stick to it - he hoped he would anyway - but that didn't mean he should go out if Dean needed him. They hadn't been apart since Dean first turned up at his cabin, and although Cas knew that Dean was more than capable of looking after himself… that didn't mean he should have to.

"Okay, okay," Cas sighed, "you're not going to worry too much are you?"

"Nah, you're a big boy," Dean grinned, "you can look after yourself."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Dean," he said warningly. He knew Dean. He knew what he was like, and although that technically had been an answer, it also really hadn't been.

"I'll be okay," Dean continued. "I'll admit it probably won't be fun, and I'll be at least a bit worried, but I don't want to hold you back. You deserve to live your life with me, not for me."

"You're not holding me back," Cas said gently, reaching up to cradle Dean's face with one palm. "I care about you, and want you to be happy, and I do want to see my brother again, but not if you have any kind of problem with it."

Dean smiled slightly wistfully. "If our situations were reversed, and it was my brother wanting to meet up and relive our glory days, then you wouldn't say no. And I won't say no to you. Go out, have the best time. All I ask is that you come back to me at the end."

"Of course I will. There is nowhere I'd rather go home to."

"Then there's no problem," Dean shrugged, "now come on, this food is definitely ready."

"Okay." Castiel grabbed them some plates out, as well as some cutlery which he put directly on the table for them. He handed one of the plates to Dean, so he could serve himself, and leant his hip against the counter while he waited for his turn.

Castiel wasn't ready by the time Gabe turned up at his door. Gabriel had decided he wasn't trusted to actually make it to the club, so he would babysit, which actually seemed a little bit justified seeing as Castiel was still in his comfort clothes when he was supposed to be meeting with Gabe.

"You always do this!" Gabe sing songed as he skipped into the door, slapping Dean on the back in greeting before he turned to Cas.

"You're lucky you have such a helpful brother!"

"You mean obnoxious," Dean muttered under his breath, just loud enough for Castiel to hear and snort quietly. Dean wasn't wrong. He loves his brother, but he was beyond obnoxious, especially when he was excited.

"If you say so," Castiel rolled his eyes, pushing himself upright and thanking the past-him who had already picked out his clothes. He just needed to get changed, which wouldn't take too long.

"When he was younger," Gabe said to Dean in what was probably supposed to be a whisper, "he would never go anywhere unless I was there to chase him out."

"Have you thought that maybe he just didn't want to go anywhere with you?" Dean suggested, though his eyes were sparkling with mirth.

"Nah, I'm a delight!"

"Sure you are," Cas called over his shoulder, heading into his room to get changed so that he could get Gabriel out of his house before he broke something.

He hadn't gone particularly exciting when deciding what to wear, just putting on the newest pair of jeans he owned - at least three years old - along with a smartish sweater. It wasn't exactly world changing, but it would do, especially seeing as wherever Gabe wanted to go probably had low lighting and was filled with people more worried about themselves than anyone else.

 He headed back out to find Dean and Gabe having some kind of staring match, their eyes twitching as the rest of them sat as still as possible. Castiel had the idea that their ears would have been twitching were they in animal forms, but unfortunately human bodies didn't really do that.

"Is everything okay?" he asked carefully, not sure if he was hoping to interrupt or not. He didn't want to interrupt anything important, but he also really didn't want them to start fighting or anything.

"Yeah, of course it- Damn," Dean whistled, blatantly looking Cas up and down. "You clean up good!"

"Oh yes," Gabe nodded, "don't fall for his forest loner act, back when we were in high school he had all the girls - and at least half the boys - trailing after him!"

"I hated it," Castiel sighed, thinking back on those days with a grimace. He didn't think there was anything wrong with a harmless crush or a little bit of quiet appreciation, but it started getting annoying when he couldn't even read quietly in the library without at least one person trying to slip him their number.

"I can imagine," Dean hummed, a low growl reverberating under it. Castiel didn't want to laugh at the familiar, but he really couldn't hold it back. "Don't worry, Dean," he chuckled, "no one is after me anymore. You've got me all to yourself."

"Good," Dean muttered poutily, "now go on! You're meant to be out having fun! The nights going to be over before you two get out the house!"

"The wolf has a point," Gabe nodded in agreement, ignoring the look Castiel sent him about him referring to Dean as 'the wolf'. "Let's go, Cassie!"

"Why did I miss you?" Cas asked, grabbing his coat and pulling his shoes on slowly. He could just see Dean out the corner of his eye, almost crying with laughter, and Gabe standing next to him pouting almost as well as Dean could.

"You're cruel," Gabe complained. Just like always with Gabriel, the pouting was there one second and gone the next as the second Castiel finished lacing his boots Gabe was grabbing him by the arm and dragging him out the door.

"I'll have him back for three in the morning!" Gabe yelled at Dean, grinning at the familiar before slamming the door shut. Castiel had just enough time to send Dean a panicked - and slightly scared - expression, and then he was dragged away by the tidal wave that was his brother.

This was going to be fun, Gabe was good at making even the most boring things enjoyable, but that did not mean this was going to end well.

It was half two by the time Castiel dragged himself back through the door. Gabriel had been too drunk to drive them by about midnight, and could definitely not be trusted in either of the front seats of a car by two, so Castiel had taken it soon himself to carefully drive them back. He himself had only had a couple of drinks, and that had been hours ago before a meal, so he figured he was probably fine. Gabe had tried to convince him to drink more, but Castiel knew one of them would need to get them home, and it wasn't going to be Gabriel, so he'd been careful.

Gabriel would have to sleep in the spare room - or maybe on the couch if Dean still had some of his stuff in the spare room - because there was no way Castiel was letting his brother anywhere near that car until he was sobered up.

Dean was still awake by the time they got back, curled up in one of the arm chairs and reading - though the way he kept on rubbing his eyes told Cas that really he should have gone to bed hours ago. Tension seemed to sweep out of his shoulders the moment he saw that both Castiel and Gabriel had made it back in one piece, and Cas felt a bit bad for worrying him, but Dean was right. They deserved to live with each other, not for each other, and he had enjoyed his trip out with his brother.

"How was it?" Dean asked quietly, making sure not to wake Gabriel who had somehow managed to fall asleep standing up.

"A disaster," Cas grinned back, "which when it's with Gabriel means amazing."

"I'm glad," Dean smiled. He helped Cas maneuver Gabe into the couch and then together they headed to bed, whispering quietly about their respective evenings.

Chapter Text

Gabriel was gone by the time they woke up the next morning, leaving a pile of dishes by the sink and a messy note telling them he was fine, and was just heading home. Castiel wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, more than a little concerned at his brother disappearing without so much as a face to face goodbye, again, but Dean distracted him with breakfast before he managed to work himself into a panic spiral, and Gabe had texted him by the time their breakfasts were ready.

Everything was… it was perfect.

Castiel couldn’t believe it, but it really was.

He had friends, he had family, he had Dean .

“What’re you thinking?” Dean asked with a quiet chuckle, pointing at Castiel with his spoon.

“I’m so happy,” Castiel giggled. He didn’t think he’d giggled since he’d been a child, but it was the only sound that fully summed up how he was feeling. He was happy in the innocent free way children were. He still had the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he had enough people who loved him, that it was no longer impossible to carry anymore.

“I’m just so, so, happy,” Castiel said again, a few tears slipping out of his eyes, though they were tears of joy, not of sadness.

“I’m glad,” Dean whispered, slipping off his chair and walking round the table so he could pull Cas into the tightest hug he could offer. “You deserve to be happy, Cas.”

“I know,” Cas grinned, pulling back so he could stare Dean straight in the eye. “I know this is a bit out of nowhere, but Dean… Will you bond with me?”

“Bond as in… magically?” Dean checked, his voice wobbling with what Cas thought was hope.

“Yes. Magically,” Cas confirmed with a quirk of his lips. “I’m ready. I want… I want forever with you.”

“I’d be here forever even if you were never ready,” Dean promised, pressing a light kiss - which felt more like a promise than it had any rights to - against Cas’ lips, his eyes sparkling as he pulled away.

“I know,” Cas grinned, “but I am ready now, and I think we’ve been waiting long enough.”

“Why does it sound like you’re suggesting we do this today?” Dean asked, and Cas got the idea that if he was in wolf form he would have been wagging his tail like some kind of overexcited dog.

“Because that’s exactly what I’m suggesting,” Castiel grinned, getting an armful of happy Dean just moments later.

“Let’s do it!” Dean giggled, burying his face into Cas’ shoulder as laughs vibrated through his chest. “You know, I’ve never wanted a bond. I always viewed it as some kind of unwanted, but unavoidable, future. But this-” he cut himself off so he could lean backwards in Cas’ arms and stare directly into his eyes. “This is my happily ever after, I just know it!”

“This isn’t some magical fix to all our problems,” Cas pointed out, though he couldn’t help agreeing with Dean’s sentiment. This was the happy future he never thought he’d get.

“No,” Dean agreed. “This is better. This is a physical promise that no matter what bad comes our way, we’ll face it together, in every sense of the word.”

“We’ll face it as one,” Cas agreed, grabbing Dean’s hand and squeezing it tightly. Bonding wasn’t completely permanent, but the breaking of one was incredibly painful and never left the witch or the familiar fully whole. When they bonded, their magics would merge and become one, and - though this one was more old wives tales than actual fact - so would their beings. Their lives would be entwined.

“So… today?” Dean asked, carefully thinking through each word. “Like, right now? Or do we want to invite some of the others round first?”

That was actually a very good question, one that Castiel didn’t really have an answer to. He loved his friends, and he knew he wanted to share the awesome news with them, and to celebrate with them, but did he want them there for the actual bonding? It was intimate, he knew that much, and it made both the witch and the familiar very vulnerable.

“No, I don’t think so,” Castiel decided. “Maybe we can invite them round tomorrow for some kind of party, but today… this is about us, and us alone.”

“Sounds good to me,” Dean nodded, returning to his side of the table to eat his breakfast. “Finish this first,” he said decisively, “and then I guess we can start the set up?” His voice audibly trembled in excitement and nerves, and Castiel grinned at him as he grabbed his own spoon. They weren’t alone for this, not for how they were feeling or what was going to happen next. They wouldn’t have to be alone ever again.

“Okay,” Castiel nodded, grinning across the table at his familiar. He couldn’t wait.

The setup for a bonding ceremony was fairly easy. A few candles, some sheets, a bowl of rain water, a questionably large amount of flower petals, and - obviously - the witch and familiar who wanted to bond. Except from the fifteen minutes it took to gather all the petals from the garden, they already had everything so setup was fairly quick.

And then they were ready, and they both found themselves standing outside the door to the workroom, staring into each other's eyes, both waiting for the other one to make the first move.

“Are you ready?” Cas asked, his stomach swooping in anticipation. This felt like it, like the last few months of his life was climbing to this point. He wondered what was coming next, what the next part of his life would be, though whatever it was he knew it would be okay.

He'd have Dean with him after all.

"I was born ready," Dean joked, taking a few deep, steadying, breaths, before he walked into the room. He didn't let go of Cas' hands, and Cas didn't let go of Dean's either as they sat down in the middle of the sheet, the bowl of rainwater between them and a pile of petals next to both of them.

They were ready.

The ritual was easy.

A spell, an agreement, a transformation, some flying and enchanted petals, another spell, and finally, a promise.

"Now, and forever." Castiel spoke as clearly as he could, waving his hands through the air as he used his magic to weave the spell together.

"Past, present, and future," Dean replied, closing his eyes so he could focus on filtering the spell, doubling it's strength and adding his own flair to it.

A two sided spell, consent from both parties, a bond that's been waiting to form for weeks.

It snapped into place with a satisfactory twang which they both felt, as they became whole once more, but this time, together.

The room stayed quiet for a long moment, both of them stretching their limbs and getting used to the new feeling. It was odd, nothing like the stories Castiel had heard, while simultaneously being exactly like they'd said.

He didn't feel that different to before, he still felt like him anyway, but now he was more. His magic was more powerful, sure, but he could also feel Dean's presence in the back of his mind, he could also feel the familiar's magic thrumming through his veins, a shadow of the real thing Dean must feel, but still there.

"I'm so aware of you," Dean whispered, closing his eyes and yet still managing to perfectly match his breathing with Castiel's. When Cas raised his hand, Dean did the same.

"Wow," Cas breathed, waving his hand wildly and watching as Dean managed to match him beat for beat. "This is-"

"Insane, I know," Dean laughed, his eyes slipping open so he could look at Cas.

"I'd heard this was what happened," Castiel breathed, "but even then, this is more than I ever imagined. This is… this is magic." He chuckled, it was the only phrase that seemed to match, which was dumb really, because that was exactly what it was. Their magic was binding them together, giving them this awareness of each other which even after only a few minutes of, Cas couldn't imagine losing again.ctly what it was.

It was their magic tying them together, their magic making them two halves of the one whole.

It still felt like more though. There was magic, and then there was magic, and this was definitely the latter.

“I can-” Dean grinned across at Cas, “I can feel your wonder. I can feel your love.”

“Good,” Castiel said. “It’s all true, and now, now you won’t be able to doubt it.”

“I guess I won’t,” Dean agreed. His face scrunched up in concentration and moments later Castiel felt a rush of love from the other side of the bond, a warm smile spreading across his face as he gazed at the familiar who sent it.

“I won’t be able to doubt it either,” Castiel smiled, reaching out to catch Dean’s hand and concentrating on the bond between them in order to copy what Dean had done. He knew he’d managed it when a light blush appeared on Dean’s cheeks, his chin ducking against his chest as he smiled.

Everyone was very excited when they shared their news. Gabriel yelled so loudly down the phone that Castiel had to move it away from his ear, and he saw Dean - who was on the other side of the room - wince when he heard it. Charlie was slightly quieter, though only slightly, and she promised she would be there as soon as she could to bring them cake and other - apparently - essential supplies.

It was a little overwhelming, but Castiel didn't really care. This was something he was okay with being overwhelmed for. 

Dean didn't have anyone to call, no family he could - or wanted to - get in touch with to tell them the amazing news, and no friends he was close enough to tell. Castiel was worried he would be sad about it, but he didn't really seem to care, and when Castiel checked through the bond, all he could feel was unfiltered joy.

"This is so exciting," Dean laughed, as Castiel hung up the phone, wrapping his arms around him tightly. "Everyone is so happy for us! They're all so positive!"

"Yeah," Castiel grinned. "We've got the best friends."

"I expected at least one person to question our decision," Dean admitted, "but they didn't at all!"

"No," Cas grinned, "because they know we're right for each other."

"We really are," Dean smiled softly, pressing his face into Cas' shirt fabric.

"Charlie will be here soon," Cas pointed out.

"Hmmm. I'm excited to see her again," Dean said, "especially now. She’s so excited for us!"

“She’s going to be overwhelming,” Cas sighed. Both he and Dean were used to the quiet life, and even though Charlie was just one person, she carried the energy and loudness of at least ten.

And that was on a good day.

“I know,” Dean shrugged, “but it's going to be coming from a place of love.” Castiel raised a skeptical eyebrow at Dean. He wasn’t trying to imply that Charlie wasn’t being excited out of love, he was just saying that really, when Charlie brought love for her friends into things, it just made her even worse than normal.

Charlie was, as expected, an absolute whirlwind of energy, to the extent that Cas convinced the two familiars to shift into their animal forms and go for a run. He knew they only agreed so they could go and gossip about him, but he figured he’d let it slide. He’d rather have that going on behind his back, than where they could laugh in his face.

He really did not want to hear what funny stories both Dean and Charlie could come up with after their respective experiences with him.

Instead he did some cleaning, and put away what was left from their bonding ceremony, and felt Dean’s amusement through his bond. His cheeks hurt from smiling, his own joy passing through the bond and mixing with Dean, trapping them both in some kind of positive feedback loop. It would take a bit of getting used to, but Cas looked forward to doing it with Dean at his side.

Chapter Text

Charlie didn’t leave that evening, only telling them that she was staying after Cas started to get worried about her driving back in the dark. She’d booked the next day off work, and had decided it was her job to make sure they celebrated their bonding properly. They set her up on the couch with a lot of blankets, and then they headed to bed, promising that they would do whatever she chose the next day. Even before he fell asleep, Cas knew he was probably going to regret letting Charlie take charge.

Charlie loved going out and seeing people and making the most of the small town they had nearby, and Cas really wasn’t sure that was how he wanted to celebrate his bonding.

Once again, it seemed Cas needn’t have worried. He had really underestimated Charlie, as proved by her the next morning when she started going over the day's plans.

“Okay, so I know there is a lake around here, and I know you know where it is, so I’m thinking we go swimming - it’s a lovely day after all - and then we can take some food into the forest for a picnic, and cake, of course. Then, we can go to Jo’s bar and have a meal!”

“Jo is a witch we went to school with,” Cas explained before Dean had to ask. “She’s about as threatening as you can get, except from her knife throwing skills… but I promise she’s safe!” Castiel winced. Maybe bringing up the knife throwing wasn’t a good idea.

“We trust her,” Charlie promised, easily salvaging the mess Cas had made of Jo’s introduction. “There’s nothing to be scared about. So, how does the plan sound?”

“It sounds good,” Cas smiled, though it dropped a little when he saw the look on Dean’s face. Maybe Charlie hadn’t been able to salvage it after all? “Is everything okay, Dean?”

“What?” Dean asked, looking up from his hands and looking honestly confused about why Cas was asking.

“You looked… I don’t know, sad?”

“I was just thinking,” Dean shrugged, leaning his weight against Cas. “I think I’ve had more picnics since living with you than ever before, and that includes before everything went wrong.”

“We used to go on picnics constantly,” Charlie smiled softly, “our town probably feels huge to you, but there wasn’t much to do when we were younger and bored, so we’d head into the woods for picnics as a way to spend our weekends.”

“It sounds nice,” Dean said wistfully.

“Yeah. And now it’s even better, because now we have you to share them with us.”

Dean flushed bright red, and Castiel could see the pleased smile he tried to hide by turning his face to the floor.

“I’m not that much of an advantage,” he whispered, but Charlie was having none of that.

“Yeah, you are,” she patted him on the head, “you’re not allowed to argue. Better luck next time.” Castiel snorted at the betrayed look on Dean’s face, which only got worse when he realised Cas was laughing at him.

“Hey!” he called, which just made Cas laugh harder. “I hate you.”

“You’ve said that before,” Castiel pointed out, “You’ve still not managed to be very convincing.”

“Yeah,” Charlie murmured, tapping her chin in fake thought. “The kisses really ruin your convincingness.”

“I hate you too,” Dean told her, leaning over to press a soft kiss against the bolt of Cas’ jaw. Castiel relaxed into the touch, wriggling away when Dean took his lowered defences to lick his jaw.

“Dean!” he gasped, feeling Dean’s satisfaction through their bond. Dean just smiled at him, the edges of his lips wobbling as he tried to hold back his laughter. “You’re disgusting.”

“That means ‘I love you’ in wolf. I can’t believe you’re rejecting my love like this.”

“No it doesn’t,” Castiel sighed, though he was struggling to hold back his laughter.

“You don’t know that,” Dean pointed out with a smirk, shoulder checking Cas.

“You two are adorable,” Charlie laughed, turning more serious as she quietly added, “I’m glad you have each other.” And Castiel didn’t argue. Dean was good for him, and he could feel through the bond that he was good for Dean too. They were just… as cheesy as it felt to even thing, made for each other.

The picnic they ended up making was not as simple as Cas had expected it to be. Charlie must have been planning this for a while, as she’d brought all kinds of exciting stuff with her in her car, the kind of stuff they had eaten on their picnics when they were younger, which Castiel was certain was not a coincidence.

“This is amazing!” Dean laughed. His hair was soaking wet from swimming in the lake, and there was a massive grin as he stretched out on the picnic blanket. He was eating a sandwich Charlie had made - Cas was fairly sure it was just a BLT, but Dean was eating it like it was some kind of holy revelation.

“I agree,” Cas grinned, tipping his head back and taking a moment to breathe in the fresh forest air. It was a good day. He’d always enjoyed living in the woods, it gave him a sense of peace that nothing else ever had, but he’d never loved it quite as much as when he had his best friend and his boyfriend enjoying it with him.

“You need to try one of these!” Dean told him, crawling over to offer Cas his sandwich. “They’re awesome!”

“I know,” Cas grinned, “They’re good. Though I’ll admit, I still prefer peanut butter and jelly.”

Dean’s nose scrunched up. “But bacon, Cas!”

“I have a sweet-tooth, you know that!”

“You’re both wrong,” Charlie interrupted. “The best kind of sandwich is chicken.”

Castiel laughed loudly, wrapping his arms around his stomach as he tipped back until he was lying down. “Cake?” he asked before it could disintegrate into an argument about who was right.

“Yes!” Charlie cheered, reaching into the basket and pulling the cake out, along with a big knife. Castiel felt a twinge of discomfort from Dean through the bond, and although Dean didn’t change externally, Cas could tell it was the knife he had a problem with. There wasn't really a way for them to cut the cake without the knife, unless…

"One moment Charlie," Cas interrupted, "I'd like to try something."

It took a lot of concentration, and admittedly it was wobbly, but Castiel managed to use his magic to carefully slice the cake, no knife needed.

"Wow," Charlie whistled once he was done. "Look at you! That's awesome!"

Dean smiled softly at him, and Castiel knew that he knew what Cas had done, and he knew he was thankful too.

“Pretty cool, Cas,” Dean murmured, “not perfect, but you’re getting better! Didn’t even exhaust yourself!”

“It’s getting easier,” Castiel admitted, “more instinctual, I suppose?”

“It won’t be long until spells are flying out your ass!” Dean cheered, making both Charlie and Cas grimace at the odd imagery. “Yeah,” Dean agreed, “that was a bit much.”

“Just a bit,” Charlie nodded, “Though I love the enthusiasm!”

The bar was still fairly quiet by the time they arrived. They’d timed it perfectly so that they would miss most of the dinner rush, even though it meant it was a bit later than they’d originally wanted. Neither Cas nor Dean could handle the amount of people who would be there at the busy times, and even Charlie admitted it could get a bit much when it was especially busy.

Jo bounced right over to them the moment they sat down, handing out menus and taking their drinks orders first, before she started getting excited about seeing them again.

“Cas! I haven’t seen you in years! How’ve you-” she never finished her sentence, her eyes landing on Dean, and an indescribable look passing through them. Castiel had no idea what was going on, but what he did know was that he didn’t like it, and he liked the scared feelings coming from Dean even less.

“Oh, shit,” Jo breathed, spinning on her heels and marching back the way she came. “Mom!” she yelled, darting through the door, presumably to go and find Ellen.

“What just- what just happened?” Charlie asked, summing up Cas’ feelings pretty well as well.

“Jo Harvelle,” Dean muttered quietly, wringing his hands in his lap. His leg was bouncing in the way it only did when he was anxious, and Cas quickly tried to figure out if he needed to grab Dean and bolt, or if this was a good thing.

It didn’t feel like a good thing, but Cas also knew that Jo kept enchanted knives on her at all times, and the fact she hadn’t used them yet…

The door smacked into the wall loudly as both Ellen and Jo reappeared from the back, a scowl on Ellen’s face, and a shotgun in her hands.

Castiel didn’t even think, he just threw himself to his feet and used his magic to throw the gun to the floor. He didn’t know what was going on, but that gun was not going anywhere near his familiar.

“Dean,” Ellen said, though her tone wasn’t cold like Cas would have predicted. “Where is your family?”

“I don’t know,” Dean answered quickly, and it sounded and felt like he was trying to reassure her. “I ran away, I don’t- I have no idea where they are now.”

The tension leaked out the room like a held breath being released, and Cas didn’t stop Ellen when she bent down to pick up her gun again, sensing that she just wanted to put it away. She had no intention of using it anymore.

“Sorry, Cas,” Ellen said with a quick nod, “congrats on the magic by the way.”

Castiel was seriously lost. He almost felt like he’d entered some alternative timeline where everything he knew wasn’t real anymore.

“What on Earth is going on?” he asked, his voice a fair bit louder than he’d planned. Dean winced slightly, though Castiel could feel through their bond he just felt a little bit sorry for a lot of things.

“I knew Dean’s family,” Ellen sighed, dropping herself into the empty booth across from them. “A long time ago, back before Mary - Dean’s mom - died.”

“What happened?” Charlie asked carefully. She didn't know Dean's story, she didn't know...

“His dad went insane and I left before my family could get dragged down with him. I’m sorry Dean, I should have-”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Dean assured her, “you did what was right for you and your family."

"Yeah, I guess," Ellen sighed, though it was obvious that she didn't agree and was just saying it to placate Dean. "I'm still sorry. I take it it didn't go well?"

"No," Dean sighed, "but it's okay. I'm happy here now."

"It's not okay!" Jo muttered.

"It's not okay," Dean agreed, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked between everyone sitting at the table with him. "But it still turned out for the best."

"It was good to see you again, kid. I'll leave you to your meal, for now, but I'll be in touch, okay?"

"Sounds good," Dean nodded. "I'm glad to see you're both doing good."

Things were slightly awkward as Ellen left, but Cas could also feel relief through his bond with Dean, and he was glad they'd decided to come here. It would be nice for Den to have someone from his past, without it being someone dangerous.

"Sorry guys," Dean murmured, "kind of ruined our meal, didn't I."

"Not at all," Charlie assured him. "I'll admit it was a bit of a surprise, but you haven't ruined anything."

"Thanks," Dean smiled softly, leaning back in his booth and relaxing even more when Cas wrapped an arm around his shoulder. He pressed a quick kiss to Cas' forehead in thanks, and then they both turned their attention to the forgotten menus in front of them.

Chapter Text

An entire week passed after the day they saw Jo in the roadhouse, and although Cas hadn't pried, he could tell something had been weighing heavily on Dean ever since them. He was… jumpy, and flustered, and sometimes Cas would catch him watching him with some strange kind of regret in his eyes. For a couple of days Castiel had been worried that the regret was for staying with Cas, or the two of them being a thing, or something like that, but Dean had put that worry to rest over and over without a single word. He was visibly happy with Cas, comfortable, relaxed, maybe even in love, Cas could feel his happiness through their bond, he didn't need to question that. Dean's regret was about something else, something Cas couldn't even begin to understand.

He tried to make things easier for Dean, making his favourite things and never holding back on the cuddles, but if anything, it just made it worse. 

"Is everything okay, Dean?" Cas asked when he finally couldn't stand it anymore. Dean had been staring off into space for the last fifteen minutes, a darkness in his eyes that Castiel couldn't translate.

"Course," Dean replied, not even a little bit convincing, made even worse by the way he didn't even look at Cas while he said it.

"You can talk to me, you know, if there is something on your mind. I'm here for you, and I want to help you."

"I know," Dean said softly, finally pulling his eyes from the wall and turning to look at Cas. His eyes were soft, though there was still something heavy there. "It means a lot to me, Cas," he shrugged, "I'm just… I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Okay?"

"Of course. I'll be here when you're ready, and until then, well, I'm here for you then too." Cas shrugged, awkwardly reaching out to fiddle with cushions on the couch. He wasn't amazing with people, after all this time, and he wished he was better at comforting Dean, but this was all he had.

"Thank you, Cas," Dean said with the closest thing to a smile Cas had seen from him for the past week. Maybe this was enough… maybe what Cas was doing, really was enough.

"No problem." And that was the end of the conversation. Cas tried, just once more, to continue it, later in the day when he walked into the library to find Dean with tears running down his face, but Dean waved him off without so much as a spoken word, and shifted into his wolf form just a moment later. The wave of feeling that came through the bond moments later was more than Cas could comprehend, more than he could even begin to process.

Cas collapsed onto the couch and pulled Dean into his arms, stroking through his thick fur and whispering love and adoration into his back. Normally Dean would roll his eyes when Cas was getting this emotional, accusing him of having a chick-flick moment, and it said a lot about where Dean's mind was that he didn't complain.

It said a lot of bad things about where Dean's mind was.

With everyday that passed , Cas got a little bit more concerned, yet still he didn't press for more answers. Any time he even thought about saying anything, he would see Dean's face and Castiel would know it was time to move things on without asking. Dean would tell him when he was ready, and however much it hurt that Dean wasn't ready yet, he could wait.

It wasn't a surprise when Castiel was woken in the middle of the night a few nights later. Dean was wriggling and thrashing, caught in the throes of a nightmare Castiel couldn't even imagine. 

He found himself frozen for a moment, unable to move as his familiar whimpered, tears running down his face, as their bond flooded with pain. It was that, more than anything else, that knocked him back to the present.

"Dean," he murmured, reaching out to gently grasp Dean's shoulder, making sure the familiar didn't feel crowded. He shook when just the touch didn't work, and although it took a moment, Dean finally woke with a shout, and a shudder. 

“Cas,” he murmured, his panic mellowing out just a little bit when his flailing hands found Cas’ shirt, and clung on tight. “You’re here,” he murmured, chanting it over and over as though he’d expected Cas to have left him.

“I’m here,” Cas promised, sending love and support and care through their bond, hoping it would reassure Dean that his words were true. “I won’t leave you. I promise.”

“Cas,” Dean said again, “I need to tell you something, I should- I should have told you this before- before we bonded- it’s too late now- you can’t- too late-”

“Dean,” Cas cut him off, squeezing him to help pull him away from his spiraling thoughts. “Dean, it’s okay.”

“No it isn’t,” Dean whispered, his voice broken and his eyes red from all the tears. “It isn’t okay Cas! I should have said something before now! When I first came here, or when we first got together, or Alistair, or when we saw Jo, or-” he cut himself off, shaking his head so viciously that it must have made his head spin, though he acted like it hadn’t done anything at all. “I should have said something sooner.” His voice was broken as he finished, and Cas couldn’t handle that. Dean deserved to always be happy, always carefree and confident with himself.

“You can tell me now, if you want to,” Cas said gently, pulling Dean into his chest. Dean tried to resist for a moment, but Cas just tried again and Dean melted against his chest with a relieved little sigh. “You don’t have to tell me though, and I promise, no matter what it is, I won't hate you over it.”

“You can’t know that yet. I haven’t even told you what it is yet. You’re going to regret bonding with me after this.”

“You’re Dean,” Cas replied, “I know you . I know I could never hate you, just as I will never regret bonding with you.”

“Okay,” Dean breathed, burying his face against Cas’ chest as he tried to gather his thoughts. Cas let the silence stretch on, running his hands through Dean’s hair, and up and down his back, waiting as patiently as he could. He knew he could never be angry at Dean, though the amount of panic he could feel from Dean was starting to worry him. What on earth could this be about?

“My family,” Dean started quietly, and Cas would have probably thought Dean could read his mind, if he didn’t already know otherwise. “I’m- My name is Dean Winchester. I’m a Winchester.”

Cas felt his breath catch in his throat. No wonder Alistair had been so desperate to bond with Dean.

The Winchester’s were one of the old magic families. One of the ones who were basically myths by this point, even though everyone knew they existed. Every child over the age of ten knew the name. It was old, and soaked in powerful magic and, last time Cas had heard anyway, wealth.

What some witches would do to be able to bond with a Winchester familiar…

Castiel was endlessly thankful that Dean had ended up in his garden, rather than anyone else’s.

“This doesn’t change anything,” Cas promised. He was still processing what this meant, but he needed to make sure Dean understood, he would never forgive himself if his processing led to Dean panicking. “You’re still Dean. And not Dean Winchester. You’re my Dean. The Dean I let into my house, and the Dean I’ve fallen in love with.”

“You love me,” Dean whispered, tipping his head so he could peer at Cas through heavy eyelashes.

“Of course,” Cas smiled. “You’re you, how could I not? And I’d like to make it clear, I don’t expect any-”

Dean shut him up with a hard kiss, their noses bumping and teeth clacking together from the force of it. Castiel was more than happy to never finish a sentence again, if this was how Dean was going to interrupt him.

“I love you too, idiot,” Dean whispered into the space between their mouths when he finally pulled away. “I love you so damn much.”

“I’m glad,” Cas replied. “I’ll admit, finding out you’re a Winchester explains a lot,” he said, turning their conversation back to where it was supposed to be, “but it doesn’t change anything between us. Do you want to try and get in touch with any of your other family? I bet we could find a way to contact your grandparents.”

“No thanks,” Dean shrugged, “Maybe one day, but I actually quite like just being your Dean, and I’m really not wanting the drama that would come from contacting some people I don’t even remember. You’re my family. You, and Charlie, and maybe even Gabe too. I don’t want anyone else.”

Cas grinned, pressing his smile into Dean’s hair and just staying there for a moment, breathing in the unique scent that was just Dean .

“Is this what’s been on your mind all week?”

“Yeah,” Dean shrugged, though it was a bit of an awkward movement with Cas wrapped around him in the way he was. “It seems kind of stupid now, but-”

Taking a leaf out of Dean’s book, Cas smashed their mouths together to stop Dean in his tracks. “Nothing you have ever done is stupid,” he said when they pulled apart again. “You were understandably worried, even if it turned out to be unfounded.”

“Okay,” Dean breathed with spit slicked lips and eyes that looked more alive than they had since they’d been to the Roadhouse. “Okay, I think I understand what you’re saying.”

“Are you understanding it as ‘Be nice to yourself’?”

“Ahh,” Dean joked, “maybe I’m not then.” It was slightly ruined by the jaw cracking yawn that interrupted him mid-sentence, but Cas knew what he was saying.

Cas rolled his eyes, rolling them over so Dean was pinned under him. “Go back to sleep, Dean,” he said, “we’ll talk more about this - and your awful self-worth - tomorrow. Okay?”

“Alright,” Dean murmured. “Night, Cas.”

“Sleep well,” Cas replied, shifting so he was no longer crushing Dean, so they could both sleep comfortably. “I love you.” It made him feel giddy to say it, to finally be able to admit the truth he’d known for longer than he’d consciously allowed himself to feel it. To be completely honest, he’d probably loved Dean since he’d first found the wolf curled up in his garden, he’d just not been ready for it back then.

He wasn't completely sure he was ready for it now, which was a strange feeling. He was simultaneously certain this was the best thing to ever happen to him, and also terrified of where it would go. He’d never told someone that he loved them before, not romantically anyway, but… for Dean. He would move Heaven and Hell for Dean, saying I love you was nothing compared to that, and he got the feeling Dean would appreciate it much more. I love you had meaning, right now, where they were, curled up in each other’s arms in their bed, moving Heaven and Hell wouldn’t do all that much.

“What’re you thinking about?” Dean asked, his voice slightly slurred from being right on the edge of sleep. “I am getting the strangest cocktail of feelings from you right now.”

"It doesn't matter," Cas whispered, feeling a smile stretch its way across his face. Sleepy Dean was adorable.

"You're supposed to be sleeping," Dean pointed out, "not feeling-" he waved his hand wildly through the air, finishing with a decisive- "stuff."

"I'll bear that in mind," Cas chuckled, sifting to get comfortable again. Dean waited until he was settled and then clumsily moved himself until he was plastered against Cas' side, letting out a happy sigh once he was in place. Cas fell asleep with a smile on his face; he really fucking loved Dean.

Chapter Text

It wasn't a surprise that they found themselves having an important conversation just a few days later. Their lives had changed a lot since they'd last had a discussion about their lives together, and after Dean's confession about who he really was, it made sense to have another conversation around the same time.

They ended up curled up together on the couch, Cas lying back against the arm of the couch with Dean curled up against his chest and their hands interlocked. They were both quiet, at first, but they both knew the conversation was happening now, they just needed to figure out how to start it. Unlike the other times they'd had big conversations, Cas couldn't feel any kind of anxiety through their bond. Dean was calm and relaxed, and Cas was thankful to feel it.

"What's next then?" Cas asked quietly, pressing a kiss against Dean's neck while he waited for an answer.

“I don’t know,” Dean admitted quietly, “but I can’t help feeling like it’s something big.” He breathed for a minute, shrugging, and Cas could tell he had more to say. “We are together, bonded, happy. Your brother is back, Charlie’s around, Ellen and Jo are near-by. I guess it just feels like things are going to change no matter what we do, so we might as well pick the direction we want it to go in.”

Cas nodded, “Yeah, so I guess we just need to decide which direction that one is.” He pondeers his words for a moment, before slowly saying, “I think I’m ready to return to the real world a bit more. You- you make me brave, and with you by my side I think its about time to drop the whole lone wolf thing. I don’t think I’m ready to move right back in yet, but maybe we could make trips to town more frequently?”

Dean nodded enthusiastically, shifting around so Cas could see his massive grin. “I agree!” Cas could feel Dean’s sincerity through the bond. He was endlessly thankful that he and the familiar were in agreement for this. “With you, I feel like I can do anything.” Dean chuckled quietly, “sounds kinda dumb now I’m saying it outloud, but it’s true.”

“It doesn’t sound dumb at all,” Cas argued gently, “I basically just said the same thing, didn’t I. Did I sound dumb?”

“No, Dean admitted, “You just sounded cute.”

Cas felt a blush stain his cheeks, and he buried his face in Dean’s hair for a moment. Charlie had called him cute a billion times, but never with so much sincerity, and not while Cas could feel every one of her loving emotions through a bond, like he could with Dean.

“I was also thinking,” Dean continued, pausing to chew on his lip for a moment, “we could invite people round? For meals and stuff. So many people we have seen in town seem to care about you, and have said they want to see you - both of us - more, and I thought it would be nice, though obviously we might not-”

“Dean,” Cas said softly, cutting off his boyfriend’s rambling, “that sounds like a brilliant idea.”

“Okay,” Dean shrugged as though he was agreeing to Cas’ idea, rather than it being the other way around. “Then we’ll do that, at some point.”

“At some point,” Cas agreed. “I think we’ve got a bit more work to get through before we’ll be ready for that,” he shuddered just at the thought of his sanctuary being overrun with people, but even as he thought that he remembered how having anyone in his home used to fill him with dread, and now it wasn’t right without Dean in it. Change took time, and adjustment, but it would be worth it.

Dean nodded solemnly, his lips pulled back in a silent snarl as he evidently thought of the same thing. “Yeah, that one might be best waiting for when we’re a little more settled into the seeing the world again thing.”

They both dissolved into laughter, wrapping their arms around each other as they laughed and planned and looked forward to the future they were going to make together.

It’s when they’re quiet again that Cas makes up his mind, looking Dean in the eye and cupping his cheek to whisper, “I want to take you on a date. A date in town,” he clarifies, “dinner which neither of us prepared, candles, the whole thing.”

“Really?” Dean breathed.

“Yeah, it’s just another one of the things I want to experience with you. Also it’s been forever since I’ve had any of Benny’s cooking, and it’s definitely something you have to try.”

“Oh yeah,” Dean frowned, clearly thinking back. “Benny, he was the nice witch, wasn’t he? He said something about a restaurant.”

“That’s Benny. He wanted to be a chief his entire life, and it seems he managed. I’m not surprised, his food was good enough to get us through anything.”

“You were close?”

“We were in similar circles. The town’s pretty small, as I’m sure you noticed, so everyone knew everyone, and everyone knew that if it was a stressful time, Benny had food with him.”

“Sounds nice,” Dean chuckled, “I look forward to trying this now you’ve hyped it up so much.”

It took a bit of organizing, Benny’s restaurant was booked full, and it took a convenient table booking, and some helpful friendships for Cas to secure them a table for the next week. He could tell Dean was excited, and getting more so with every day that passed. Castiel completely understood. They had only actually been on one proper date so far, and that had ended horribly, so they were both hoping this one would be better.

By the time their date finally arrived, they both had their outfits picked out, they’d looked the menua up online and discussed what sounded good - and what Cas knew was good - and while Cas was relaxed in his seat reading his book, Dean was physically vibrating while he watched the clock, waiting for it to be time for them to leave.

“Excited?” Cas teased, reaching out to poke Dean in the thigh with his foot.

“Yeah,” Dean hummed, only sitting down for a moment longer before he threw himself back to his feet and started pacing. There wasn’t actually much space to pace, not when Dean was walking with the full length of his legs. He was acting more distressed than excited, but when Cas checked through their bond, all he could find was real excitement and… Cas frowned, trying to figure out what he was feeling. He couldn’t figure it out, which was when he remembered he could just ask Dean.

The fact he hadn’t thought of this earlier said a lot of things that Cas did not want to think about. He really needed to work on communication now that he actually had people in his life again.

“Is everything alright, Dean?” 

“What?” Dean frowned, finally holding him still for a moment so that he could properly look at Cas.

“You seem,” Cas paused for a minute, “distressed.” It wasn’t exactly the word he was looking for, but that was just something Cas figured he was going to have to get used to. The more he started talking to people beyond the ones closest to him.

“Oh,” Dean chuckled, “no, I’m just- You know how this is like, a proper as-seen-in-the-movies date?”

“Yes?”

“Yeah, well, I’ve never been on one of them,” he coughed awkwardly, “I’d never actually been on a date before our picnic, so yeah… I guess that’s it.”

“Oh,” Cas frowned, “I haven’t either, if it makes you feel better.”

“Actually, yeah, that does make me feel better. I guess we can be new to this together.”

The restaurant was busy, but the quiet music that was playing throughout was enough to create a private bubble around each of the tables, and by the time Dean and Castuel were seated, they were able to forget about how busy it was. It wasn’t completely an environment Cas had missed, but he was enjoying it now, the feeling of being alone with Dean, even as the room was full of workers and other diners. Cas couldn’;t help but notice how well situated their table was, despite the fact it was supposedly a cancellation. He couldn’t help but feel like Benny had something to do with it, though he had no idea what he could have done.

Their server was polite, and the food was even better than Cas remembered it being when he was younger. The conversation between Dean and Cas was a tiny bit stilted at the very start, both of them a little bit on edge before they settled in, but once they were a little bit more used to it, their conversations flowed easily, and Cas managed to keep Dean laughing. Dean even let a few of his wolf mannerisms slip through, which meant a lot seeing as they were surrounded by strangers on all sides.

It was towards the end of their meal that Benny managed to slip away from his duties and come to see them.

“Hey, Brother,” Benny said to Cas, nodding at Dean but not saying anything to him yet. Cas smiled thankfully. His friend really was good at knowing how to put scared familiars at ease, one of these days Cas needed to ask why that was. “You guys enjoying the food?”

“Yes. It’s all delicious,” Cas smiled, “you’ve improved.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’d be a bit concerned if I was still cooking with the skill of an eighteen year old.”

“You already cooked better than most people I’ve ever known back then.”

“Just practice,” Benny shrugged it off, as though he didn’t own the most popular restaurant in the area.

“This isn’t just practice,” Dean mumbled with a decisive shake of his head. “You’ve got a skill.”

“Awww, Cher, you’re going to make me blush,” Benny grinned. When it was clear that Dean had decided to trust him, Benny moved slightly closer to their table. “It’s good to see you again. I see Cas is looking after you well.”

“He’s a good witch,” Dean agreed, “a good man, period, actually.”

Cas shook his head, but didn’t argue, smiling across the table at Dean and holding a hand out so they could link their fingers together.

“You two make a cute couple,” Benny told them, “I finally see what people mean when they talk about how sappy me and Andrea are. You must be at least twice as sappy as we are, though I guess we were probably more like that when we first got together.”

“Andrea’s your girlfriend?” Dean asked.

“Wife, actually,” Benny nodded.

Cas didn’t fully remember Andrea, though he was fairly sure they’d been at school together. He remembered she was a familiar, a bat, if Cas was right. He was glad to hear that his friend was happy, and the look that came over his face when he talked about his wife proved he was definitely more than happy.

“I look forward to seeing her again at some point,” Cas said, “and see you go all soft eyed in real time.”

“Oh shush, it’s not like you’re much better with your familiar there.”

Benny couldn’t stay for long, he did have an entire restaurant to run after all, but he made sure to give both Cas and Dean his number, and promised to see them again some time when he wasn’t in the middle of work. He hugged Cas tightly goodbye, and then moved to do the same to Dean, but pulled up short when he saw how Dean flinched. They ended up waving to each other, but Dean’s smile was radiant and CAs could tell that Dean was already figuring out when they could see the kind witch again.

Cas was shattered by the time they got home, the journey taking much longer than it should have due to a slow moving car that was in front of them for longer towards the woods than Cas would have expected, and the way Dean collapsed onto the couch next to him told him the familiar felt the same.

“So, what do you think?” Cas asked, “was that as good as the movies promised?”

“No,” Dean answered without a moment of thought. It filled Cas with momentary paic, wondering where he could have gone wrong, before Dean continued. “It was with you, so it was much better.”

Cas hit Dean with a cushion for scaring him like that, but he had to agree. It was so much better than the movies.

Chapter Text

Time passed quickly. After years of living alone, moving through life like a snail through molasses, the flurry of movement of Dean and the new life Cas had chosen was still taking time to catch up to. It was a couple of weeks before the two of them decided that they were ready to invite people to the cabin, though it simultaneously felt like forever and no time at all had passed since they’d first decided it was time to return to the real world.

Maybe it would have been easier to wait a bit longer, to make sure they were both completely ready, but they’d been having a discussion a few days before, and they’d both expressed a desire to do something nice to the people around them. Everyone had been so nice to them, so patient. They were kind to Dean, even the witches who he was a little bit scared of at first, and everyone had been so excited to hear that they were planning to stop their self imposed exiles. Everyone was so happy to hear that they would see them both more, even though Cas had barely talked to them since he was eighteen, and Dean had only known them a couple of months.

And so both Dean and Cas had decided that inviting all their friends around for a barbecue was the best idea. The woods were beautiful these times of year, and Cas knew everyone would be happy to come and see their house, and spend some time with them and each other. It would be great!

It was also, just a little bit, terrifying.

Cas’ house had just been his, even Charlie only visited rarely. And then Dean came, and it became his too. And now… now it was time for more. Now it was time to open his safe-space up to everyone he cared about.

“We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready,” Dean pointed out, not for the first time, obviously feeling Cas’ mix of emotions through their bond.

“I know,” Cas grinned, leaning forward to press a kiss into Dean’s hair, “but I want to. I am ready.”

“Okay,” Dean replied. He could tell that Dean didn’t fully understand, but Cas didn’t expect him to either. It’s not like he could explain it. He was so overjoyed that his home was no longer a prison, but at the same time… It was a cage he forged himself, and it would take a bit for it to stop being weird every time he saw the door flung wide open. That didn't make it a bad thing, and Cas couldn't wait to have all his friends coming to visit.

"We're going to need to make a list," Cas sighed. They really weren't ready to host a barbecue - physically at least - but it was warm, and only going to get warmer over the next few days, so they didn’t want to miss this perfect opportunity. “I guess we’ll have to call Charlie, to get her to get us some of what we need.” It would spoil the surprise for her, which was unfortunate, but Cas knew that the small store in town did not sell everything they needed for a barbecue, and he didn’t know where they’d even start to go looking for it.

“Alright,” Dean hummed, grabbing a piece of paper and pen. “What do we need?” The answer was pretty much everything, but Cas wasn’t going to say that. It was singularity unhelpful, other than anything else.

Ten minutes later they had most of a list written out, each item labelled with a note saying whether they already had it, or if Dean and Cas could get it themselves, or if they would have to get Charlie to grab it for them. It was quite a long list - Cas had never realised how difficult it was to have a barbecue, though he imagined it was probably easier when you weren’t in the middle of nowhere with no supplies at all available to you.

“Perfect,” Dean grinned, carefully writing down the last item. His handwriting was a messy scrawl, clearly no one had let him practice for a long while, but it was legible, and getting better every time he was able to write. It would be neat before too long, though Dean snorted when Cas suggested it.

“Nah, my writing’s always been a mess,” Dean chuckled, “I write faster than my hand can keep up. All that will happen when I get better at writing, is I’ll speed up. No neatness will be gained.”

Cas shook his head fondly. He didn’t know why he was even surprised by the news, Dean was messy in everything he did. No reason for writing to be any different.

Cas walked slowly through the woods, letting the quiet birdsong calm him as he checked on each tree as he passed. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but if something was wrong, the trees would know it before he did.

It was with great joy he noticed how healthy the trees were. They were basically glowing, the exact opposite of how they would look if something was wrong. It was probably because of his magic being unbound, or maybe just Dean’s presence, but the amount of magic in the area had drastically increased recently, so it made sense that the trees would notice too.

Cas’ traps were still laid, the easiest way for him to get meat while in the middle of the woods, and he was pleased to see most of them were full. They needed plenty of meat for the barbecue, and although Dean was planning to go hunting later on, this would make a good start. They’d also grab some of the ripe vegetables from the garden, though it wasn’t really the best time for all of them.

Hopefully everyone liked rabbit.

For a moment he thought he saw someone else in the first with him, though he had no idea who it would be. Dean was back at their cabin, and no one else lived nearby. He did a double take, trying to figure out why someone would be there, but when he looked back, the forest was empty. It was just his mind playing tricks on him.

The stress was really getting to him, Cas released with a sigh, promising himself he’d relax for a bit after he put the meat away.

Charlie was more than happy to help them.

Cas had barely even told her their plan for the barbecue - he hadn’t even mentioned what they needed from her yet - when she shrieked loudly enough that Cas had to pull the phone away from his ear before he got hearing loss.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Charlie cheered, “I’m so proud of you both! Yes, I’ll get whatever you need for you! This is so exciting!”

“How did you know what was what I was going to ask for?” Cas asked, still surprised by his friend’s ability to read the situation so well, even after all these years. Maybe it was just Cas’ rusty people skills, but he’d never managed to figure out what people wanted from him without them telling him first.

Well, except for Dean. But he was different. Even before they’d bonded properly, they’d had a more profound bond than anyone else Cas had ever met.

“I’m psychic,” Charlie sing-songed, and Cas could hear something rustling on her side of the line, presumably as she grabbed some paper. “Alright, what do you need me to get?”

“I thought you were psychic,” Cas teased, smirking into the phone, “shouldn't you already know that?”

“Magic works in mysterious ways.” Cas had to admit, Charlie’s sigh did sound like a long term magic user who unfortunately works with fickle magic, and Cas mentally congratulated her on her good impression.

“I guess it does,” Cas said in faux seriousness. “Alright, are you ready? It’s quite a long list.”

Deciding on who they should invite took a little more talking than they’d expected. Cas had planned to just invite his friends, and move on, but then they’d actually started going through a list of who they wanted to come, and Cas started realising that there were a lot of people in town, and he didn’t want to say anyone couldn’t come when he wanted to meet and reconnect with as many people as possible.

“Why don’t you just make it some kind of open invitation?” Dean asked, leaning his weight against Cas and stretching his legs across the rest of the couch, so Cas was stuck in the tiny corner that Dean had decided he could sit on. “this town is magical enough that we can be sure they’re all nice, and it’ll mean we can meet all kinds of new people. As long as you’re okay with all kinds of people coming to your house, that is.”

Cas frowned. He liked Dean’s idea, but he also really hated the idea of having just about anyone wandering into his home…

“Friends of friends, maybe?” Cas suggested.

“That sounds like a better idea,” Dean agreed, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll start texting people, and tell them they can bring friends as well.”

Cas grinned. Dean was clearly so excited about this, and Cas was thankful that they were having the opportunity to do this.

“Have you ever actually had a barbecue before?” Cas asked. It didn’t really matter, but Cas wanted to know if Dean had ever had the opportunity for the fun things in life, before everything had gone wrong.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper one,” Dean admitted, “but me and my brother used to make ourselves small barbecues out of whatever we could find. For a bit… before he… well, you know, I’d go hunting to catch us food for it. So yeah, I kind of have, but nothing like this is going to be.”

Cas nodded, pulling Dean even tighter into his arms. He was glad to hear that Dean had at least had some good memories, but at the same time… He could tell that the memory was tainted by what had happened later with his brother. Hopefully the new memories would be enough to bring the dazzling smile Cas had grown to crave from the familiar, back to his face.

Cas was bent over, looking through the cupboards for the decorations he knew were around somewhere, when he heard the familiar clicking of wolf nails on the floor. Dean had gone out hunting a couple of hours earlier, and from the speed of Dean’s steps Cas could tell he’d been successful. Dean’s wolf instincts always meant he was full of energy and excitement after a good hunt.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas smiled when he turned around, happily following the wolf when he gestured for them to both go to the kitchen. Just outside the door, sat a pile of game, all carefully laid out to properly show them off. Cas hadn’t actually figured out if this was wolf instincts or not. Dean just always did it, and Cas knew what he was supposed to do now.

“Thank you, Dean,” he grinned, crouching down to ruffle the thick fur at Dean’s neck, “that’ll be perfect for our barbecue.”

Dean grinned his wolfy grin, his eyes closing happily while Cas continued to pet him. He was so adorable like this.

“What’s up bitches!” came the call from outside. Cas stopped his petting, leaning out the door to find Charlie standing by her car, a bright grin on her face. She carefully avoided the pile of game, and then threw her arms around Dean, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Oh. Well, I’m glad to see where I am on the pecking order now,” Cas sighed, looking pointedly between Dean and Charlie. Dean let out an amused sounding huff, while Charlie just openly laughed at him.

“That’s right,” she nodded. “You just wait, you’ll have no friends left by the end of the month. Everyone will just be here for Dean.”

A gentle push against the bond had Cas frowning, until a cloud of emotions followed it. He couldn’t name a single one of the emotions there, but for some reason the mix of them all was translated in his mind as ‘I’ll always be your friend’.

Was he imagining that? Or did Dean really just manage to use emotions to express words?

Charlie finally let go of Dean, standing up to give Cas a hug as well. “I grabbed the stuff,” she told them, doing a horrible impression of a drug dealer.

“Thank you, Charlie,” Cas nodded, doing his best not to laugh in case he accidentally encouraged her awful impressions. “You’ll be here tomorrow, right?”

“Of course,” Charlie nodded, “I wouldn’t miss it.”

Chapter Text

The next day somehow took no time at all to arrive, and also three years. Cas couldn’t quite tell if he was excited or terrified for what’s coming, but he was definitely feeling something, and it was strong enough to wake him up at dawn the next morning. He headed outside, making sure to keep quiet so that he didn’t wake Dean, and leaned against the wall of the cabin, watching the sky change colour as the sun rose. It was the dawn of a new day, a day for yet another change. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had another witch on his property - never maybe - and now he was inviting multiple of them to a barbecue of all things. He must have lost his mind.

The garden gate clanged in the wind, though Cas was sure it had been closed when he’d checked it the day before. The leaves rustled and the air danced with birdsong. Just like any normal morning. It almost felt like nothing had changed, and for the forest it hadn’t. Cas didn’t count as the forest any more.

He didn’t move for a long time, long enough for the sun to be starting to blind him through the trees, and for Dean to wake up and come looking for him. The familiar looked concerned, though he didn’t say anything, just sent waves of love through the bond and handed him a mug of coffee. It was warm, but not as warm as the body heat coming off Dean as he leaned against the wall right next to Cas. He takes a couple of sips, then raises his arm in invitation, smiling when then familiar tucked himself against his side.

“It’s not too late, you know, if you’re not ready,” Dean pointed out, though they both knew it wasn’t really needed. Cas wasn’t going to back out, not now.

“No,” Castiel sighs, a small smile starting to form on his face as the sun washed away his fears. It would all be fine. Maybe he really had lost his mind, but he wouldn’t be the only person to say that insane-Cas was the better Cas. He trusted his friends, he trusted Dean.

He breathed deeply, remembering what Missori had recommended for whenever he was feeling overwhelmed. Think of the worst case scenario, best case scenario, and most likely. He could do this. Worst case? His home was destroyed, he had a breakdown, Dean was hurt, everyone decided they hated him, everything went horribly wrong and Cas was left with no other option than to lock the world away all over again, and never see anyone again.

Yeah, Cas isn’t going to lie, this doesn’t seem to be working yet. 

Best case? Cas had to think about this one for a minute. He’d been worrying so much about what could go wrong, he hadn’t really thought about what could go right. Well… It could all go perfectly? Dean could smile his dazzling smile all evening? The food would taste delicious, and everyone they invited would be the perfect guests, and would be overjoyed to see him and Dean again. Cas scrunched up his face, he felt ridiculous trying to think of all the ways a barbecue could go perfectly. Barbecues never went perfectly.

Which… Cas realised, was probably the point of this…

Most likely outcome. The food would be slightly burned to make sure it was cooked all the way through. Someone would drop rubbish, and someone else - probably Gabe - would be obnoxious. The sun would be too hot, or too cold, depending on what time it was. Everyone would think the food was delicious, even slightly charred, because Dean was good at cooking, but at the very least, they would think it was edible. It would all be a mess, but everyone would be happy, and Charlie would probably spend most of the time getting over excited.

Huh, Cas shook his head slowly, it really did work. He felt a lot calmer now. Barbecues weren’t that scary, and neither were his friends.

“So the therapy is working,” Dean chuckled, clearly feeling Cas calm down through their bond.

“Sure seems to be,” Castiel nodded in agreement. “Alright, I guess it’s time to get started?”

Dean nodded, linking their fingers together as they walked back into the cabin together. They had a lot to do.

They had told everyone the barbecue started at midday, but people actually started arriving earlier than that. Charlie arrived first, nearly an hour earlier than they’d said, in order to help them with last minute preparations, and make sure everything was ready for when everyone else arrived.

After about half past eleven people started arriving steadily, bringing wine or snacks or blankets. By the time midday rolled around, the garden was full, and the food was almost cooked. Most people were sitting on blankets, grins on their faces as they drank small cups of wine - Castiel didn’t have enough wine glasses for everyone, so people had started to get creative - and eating the snacks. Castiel stood by the door to his cabin, watching everyone. He was a lot more comfortable than he’d expected, and he happily walked over when Garth aggressively waved him over.

“Hello,” he said politely, smiling at the other people on Garth’s blanket. Bess was there, looking almost exactly the same as she had when they were both at school together, as well as Hannah and a woman who looked a little familiar, but Cas couldn’t fully place.

“It’s good to see you again,” Hannah smiled, their eyes full of joy as they looked around the garden, watching a bird as it flew overhead. “It’s beautiful here.”

“It is,” the woman agreed, turning to Cas and offering him her hand. “Andrea, I can tell you don’t recognise me.”

Oh! Cas nodded, now she’d said it, he did recognise her. He could see why Benny had married her, she had a kindness in her eyes that the world could do with more of.

“Of course. You’ve changed since high school.”

“I should hope so!” Andrea laughed, her head turning to face Benny just before he broke away from the group he’d been talking to, and made his way over.

“Hey,” Benny nodded as he dropped himself into the group, wrapping an arm around Andrea’s waist as he nodded at the group, his gaze finally coming to rest on Cas. “How’re you doin’ Brother?”

Cas really shouldn’t have been surprised that Benny could tell that this was difficult for Cas. He was a smart man, too perceptive for his own good sometimes. 

“I’m okay,” Castiel shrugged, glancing over his shoulder to where Dean was standing at the barbecue, talking animatedly with Jo. “Better than I’ve ever been, really.”

“You deserve it,” Garth grinned, leaning forwards to pat him on the shoulder.

“Thanks.” Cas couldn’t think of any other way to express his overwhelming feelings, but when he looked up and made eye contact with his friends, he knew they understood.

The food was, as Cas had expected it would be, delicious - though a little bit charred. Dean had come to join him after everyone was served, and Cas was almost choking on his food as he laughed at Dean’s story about his childhood barbecues. It seemed that Dean had not always been that good at cooking the food, even if he had improved quickly. Dean was a solid warmth against Cas’ side, and Cas’ cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling he was doing.

Gabe was sitting with them, happily telling Dean every awkward story he had from when Cas was a child, and Cas would probably have been dying of embarrassment if Dean didn’t look so genuinely delighted to be being told all this. 

This was definitely the correct decision.

He looked around the group again, noticing Charlie and Garth having a very animated discussion with a brunette he didn’t recognise. Gabe was just starting on the embarrassing story about the time Cas had drunk so much chocolate milkshake he vomited - something he did not want to relive, thank you very much - so after kissing Dean quickly on the top of his head - and then on his lips when Dean tilted his head back - Cas stood up to walk over. He was always interested in making new friends.

"I just don't know what to do!" the woman was complaining, her arms waving through the air as she gestured wildly. There just doesn't seem to be anyone looking for a job right now! And Kevin and I can't keep doing it all on our own for much longer! We're going to have to start opening the shop on reduced hours if this carries on, and I really don't want to do that."

"What's this?" Cas asked, slipping into the conversation with a smile.

"Oh, we haven't met before, have we," the woman chuckled, "I'm Meg - a friend of Charlie's, she's told me all about you. Kevin over there," she turned around to point at a laughing Asian teenager behind them, "is my familiar. We run a magic shop in town. Spell and Supplies? You might know it?"

Castiel frowned. He didn't think he'd ever actually gone inside, but he had a general idea of where it was. "Yes, I've passed it a couple of times."

"Yes, well as I was just telling Charlie and Gabriel, I just don't have enough staff. I don't suppose you're looking for a job, are you?"

Castiel opened his mouth, but no words came. Was he? This actually seemed like the perfect opportunity. Working in a shop would mean talking to a lot of people, without too much social expectation. He'd have to talk to Dean but-

"We are, actually," Dean said from just behind Cas, a wave of excitement flowing through the bond that Cas echoed in full force. They were actually doing this!

"Great, when are you free?" Meg asked, quickly waving her familiar over. "We'll sort out a date for some training, and then get you started on some trial days. Does that sound good?"

"Perfect, actually," Castiel said, meaning it wholeheartedly. 

"This is so exciting!" Gabe laughed, clapping his hands like a kid at Christmas. "I'll be working just down the street from you! We could get lunch together! Everyone will be able to see you so much more!"

Dean nodded, the joy bouncing between the bond getting to the point where Cas was starting to feel overwhelmed. If someone had told him a year ago that this would be happening… he didn't even know what he would have done. Not believed them probably.

Cas hummed to himself as he folded the last blanket, grabbing a napkin that had been lost under it. The barbecue had been a huge success, and there was already talk about someone else planning a barbecue, so that everyone could do it more often. He was incredibly thankful that he had decided to not pull out of this, it was a good idea. Sure, it wasn't perfect, and Cas definitely had sunburn down, but it was the most fun Cas had had in a while.

And even better, he now had a job!

Cas quickly gathered up the last of the rubbish and took it inside, thankful to be out of the sun again. It was starting to set, and things were starting to cool down, but it was still a bit much after being outside all day.

"That was fun," Dean laughed, wrapping himself around Cas' back and making it rather difficult for him to finish putting everything away.

"It was," Cas agreed, craning his neck so he could press a soft kiss to Dean's cheek. 

"We have the best friends," Dean chuckled, and Cas felt his heart try to jump out his chest at the words. We. We have the best friends. Not Dean, not Cas. But both of them. Together. As it should be. Cas had spent most of his life alone, his friends had been his, everything had been his. I. And now, it wasn't. Now when Charlie came round, she sometimes hugged Dean first. Now when Cas was planning what he needed to buy, he thought about Dean's favourites, as well as his own. Now, when he thought of home, he thought of gorgeous green eyes with a sparkle of mischief in them. When he thought of himself, he thought of Dean too.

He wasn't alone anymore, and every time he reminded himself of that… he felt the same wonder as the first time.

Chapter Text

Dean and Cas aced the training at the store. Everyone told Cas about a billion times that you couldn’t fail training, that getting better was the whole point, but he still felt better about it once it was over and he knew what they were supposed to be doing. He managed to pick everything up quickly, which he was thankful for, and only two weeks after he first met Meg, they were ready to be full time employees.

It was actually… fun. Not fun-fun, and Cas was always thankful to be home at the end of a long shift, but he started to enjoy talking to the customers, and he never dreaded his shifts. If anything, he looked forward to them, and he knew Dean felt a similar way.

After only a week there, Cas had mentioned all the potion ingredients he always saw in the woods, and Meg made him promise to collect some and bring them to sell, and also so they could make even more potions in the shop, for customers. Cas didn’t know everything - or anything at all - about potions anymore, but after looking into things a bit more, he found just how many more spells they’d be able to offer with what he was bringing, and just how helpful that would be to the town people. A lot of them bought their potions from the shop, either because they couldn’t be bothered to make their own, or because they couldn't, but obviously they were limited by what the shop could make, and then sell on without it getting too expensive. Shipping in fresh ingredients was expensive, but Castiel and Dean gathering a few in the evening was not expensive at all.

Cas was more than happy that this part of his job - which Meg insisted on paying him for, even though he’d said it wasn’t necessary - just involved walking through the forest, which was one of his favourite pastimes, and picking the off leaf or mushroom. Dean normally transformed into his wolf form and ambled along by his side with a happy grin on his canine face.

It was great.

Cas hummed, his hands swinging as he walked between the trees, a cold nose pressed against his fingers every couple of steps as though Dean was saying "still here". The flowers were all in full bloom under the sun streaming through the trees, and Cas couldn't stop the content skip that slipped into his step. He had a shift this afternoon, but until then he was free to gather ingredients and make the most of the peace.

He was midstep when he felt something shift. The birds were still singing, the branches still swaying in the breeze, nothing changed… But at the same time…

Castiel and Dean both froze at the same moment, glancing around for something. Cas didn't know what, but he knew that something must be there. Dean, with his superior wolf eyes, seemed to spot something. He was frozen in place, his eyes scrunched in a very human squint as he clearly tried to get a better look at something. Cas could feel confusion through the bond, as well as a wave of concern.

"Dean?" Cas asked hesitantly, still trying to see what Dean was seeing.

And then just like that, it was gone. Whatever had filled the air trickled away and Dean relaxed against Cas' leg, looking tired.

"Dean?" Cas repeated, dropping his hand onto the wolf's head. "What was it?"

"I- I don't know," Dean said, transforming back into his human form with a glimmer of magic. "I thought I saw something… but… I don't know." He shook his head, distress radiating off him as he reached up and rubbed his temples. "That was weird."

"Yeah," Cas agreed quietly, wrapping his arms around his familiar. He didn't like this. Not at all.

They hurried home after that, neither of them wanting to stay in the woods until they could figure out what had happened. Castiel made sure the windows and doors were locked, and then they collapsed onto the couch together, a tense silence taking over the cabin.

Maybe he should call into work, tell Meg that they wouldn't be available today. It wouldn't be ideal, but it would mean they didn't have to leave the sanctuary of the cabin, and Cas was sure Meg would understand. 

He shook his head, no, that wasn't a good idea. His instincts said he should just hide away until he was certain that he was no longer threatened, but his instincts were wrong. They would be safer in town, with Meg and Kevin, and a town full of others who would be willing to protect them.

It was still early, but Cas was feeling uncomfortably like a sitting duck, and he didn't want to stay still any longer. 

"Come on, Dean," he murmured, pushing himself to his feet and holding out a hand to pull Dean up to. "Let's head into town."

Dean opened his mouth as though he was going to argue, but Cas watched as he followed the same thought train Cas had gone through, and then he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, alright."

They grabbed everything they needed, and then headed out to the car, both of them glancing at the woods as they passed, even though everything felt completely normal.

Meg seemed surprised to see them in early, but after looking at their faces she didn't say anything, just set then straight to work. Just like always, it only took Dean a few minutes before he got bored of being human, and seeing as he could do the job he'd been given in either form, he quickly shifted.

Kevin was in the back, already an owl as he sorted through potion ingredients, so Cas handed him what he'd collected that morning before he started mixing up some potions. They were running low on some basic healing potions, as well as good fortune, and confidence potions.

He brewed a couple of batches, carefully bottling each one up and adding the labels and prices. It was repetitive, familiar, and worked wonders at calming him down. He'd always been good when he knew what to do, and less good in unfamiliar circumstances. What had happened earlier, in the woods, that had been unfamiliar. This though, he knew exactly what to do with this. He brewed, and he bottled, and he labeled it with its designated label and added on the price from the directory. Nothing changed, he didn't have to make any difficult decisions, or figure out what was going on.

"Is everything okay?" Kevin asked hesitantly, and it showed how distracted Cas was that he hadn't even felt his friend shift forms.

"Yes, of course," Cas replied on instinct, not looking up from his labeling.

"Cas, I might not have known you for long," Kevin started with an audible frown in his voice, "but I can tell when you're lying to me. What happened?"

"I wish I knew," Cas admitted, feeling a bit bad for how fast he cracked. He could barely keep anything a secret anymore. The second one of his friends asked him what was going on, he told them. Even when he managed to lie, they just had to ask again and it all came pouring out.

"What do you mean?"

"There was something in the woods, when we were collecting ingredients. It was more of a feeling, I suppose," Cas shrugged, "I don't know, I think Dean saw something. It just rattled us both."

"You're worried it's something from Dean's past," Kevin sighed, the sound distressed. He only knew a little about Dean's past, nowhere near the full story, but it was enough for him to know that this couldn't be good.

"If it is something, and not just us being paranoid, then it's something from his past. I can't explain it, but it just felt… cold."

Kevin nodded, even though Cas' explanation had made no sense at all. It was a warm summer's day, and Cas wasn't even sure there had been something there, there was nothing cold about it at all. Regardless, that was the only word that came to mind. It wasn't cold in the absence of heat kind of way, but rather cold in the absence of anything. Cold because there was nothing there to be warm.

"You're safe here though," Kevin promised, "we'll look after you."

"You're not there when we're at home," Cas sighed, unsure what they could possibly do to make him feel safe again.

"That's an idea!" Kevin cheered, "what if, me and Meg come back with you after we've closed up the shop, and help you cast some kind of charm over the woods. Something to keep bad things out, and to make sure nothing is there."

"That's actually-" Cas frowned thinking it over. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it before, other than not quite getting used to having his magic back. It wouldn't have to be a strong spell, just an efficient one, and they'd definitely be able to whip one of those up between them. "That's actually genius! Thanks Kevin."

"No problem," Kevin smiled, clearly happy to have helped, "I'll start thinking over what we could use."

Cas nodded, turning back to his potions with a smile on his face. He was feeling so much hope that Dean actually trotted through from the front, just to check everything was okay.

"Everything's fine," Cas laughed, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "Kevin had an idea, I'll tell you about it when we're not working."

------

The forest was even creepier in the dark, especially when Cas wasn't sure if something evil lurked inside or not. He tried not to think about it that way, he'd always been able to handle horror movies by just ignoring it and powering through, but that wasn't this. Horror movies were fake, and the things his mind was suggesting were just that, suggestions. He could power though because he knew that no matter what his mind said, nothing could happen.

This fear wasn't imagined, even if he still wasn't certain that something had been there. If he just powered through, there was a very real possibility that whatever he had sensed in the forest, could end up coming after him and the others.

"Ready?" Meg asked, carelessly tossing a match onto the pile of wood at her feet. Kevin and Dean both slipped into their animal forms, Kevin landing on Meg's shoulder while Dean pressed tightly against Cas' legs. The two witches held hands over the fire, their magic dancing between them and the familiars.

"Ready," Cas nodded, and together they started the spell. It was a blessing and a spell and a banishment all at once, detecting and throwing out any evil it could find, and making sure it couldn't return. Meg was pretty strong, especially with Kevin helping her, though she still had nothing on Cas. Together though, their magic made a spell strong enough to cover all the land from Cas' house to the town - and a little bit into it - without any obvious weak spots. There were weak spots, of course, there always were, but it Cas only knew that because he was casting it, and hopefully nothing else would be able to catch it before the spell did it's work.

They were all panting by the time they finished, a sheen of sweat drying uncomfortably on Cas' forehead and Dean's tongue all the way out of his mouth as he tried to catch his breath.

"Well, that should have done the trick," Meg laughed, pulling her hair the rest of the way out of the hair tie it was trying to escape, and wiping her hands on her jeans. 

"I can't think of anything that would have been able to escape that," Kevin agreed after shifting back into his human form, stretching his limbs out. "Wow, been a while since we've done a big spell like that."

"Thank you so much," Cas grinned, topping his head back to stare at the sky, feeling the remnants of their spell in the air.

"It was no trouble," Meg shrugged, "make sure you're not late tomorrow." And then they were off, heading back to their car to head home. Cas heard Meg's words for what they really were. The other witch hated showing emotion, hated anyone realising she cared, but she really did, and while she might sound flippant, she was telling them to be safe, and that she was glad they were there.

Cas nodded at Dean, a loop of safety and warmth and joy spreading through their bond as they walked back into their cabin that was safe once more. Thank goodness for good friends.

Chapter Text

Castiel was relaxed on his couch reading his book when his phone rang. He sighed, putting his bookmark back in before he fished it out of his pocket, smiling when he saw it was Charlie.

"Hello, Charlie," he smiled as he answered, putting his book off to the side as he listened to his friend.

"Hey, Cas! You're not busy on Saturday, are you?"

Cas had to think about it for a moment - and wow, he still wasn't used to actually being busy sometimes - before he figured out he wasn't. He didn't have a shift on that day, and he didn't think they had anything else going on at the time.

"No we're not," Cas replied, "why?"

"Awesome," Charlie cheered, "Benny and Andrea are taking after you guys and planning a barbecue. They asked me to invite you guys."

"Okay," Cas hummed, "one moment." He pulled the phone away from his mouth, yelling across the cabin, "DEAN!" He only had to wait a moment before he heard Dean come running, his bare feet slapping against the wooden floors.

"Yeah?" he asked, skidding into the room.

"Do you want to go to Benny and Andrea's barbecue this weekend?"

"Hell yes!" Dean nodded feveratly.

"Alright," Cas nodded, picking the phone back up, "I don't know if you heard that," he said to Charlie, "but we're coming."

"Cool. I'll tell Benny. By the way, have you heard about the new kid in town?"

"What?"

"I'll take that as a no," Charlie laughed. "A new witch and his familiar have moved into town. Benny said I can invite them, so I guess you'll meet them then."

"Yeah, I guess we will."

"Don't worry." Cas could hear Charlie's reassuring smile, even if he couldn't actually see it. "You'll like them, I promise. They're awesome."

"Alright," Cas said, "I trust you. I'll see you then."

"Yeah, I should go and get on with the rest of my party planning duties. Later Cas!"

"Enjoy," Cas laughed, knowing that she would. Charlie loved these kinds of things, which was probably why Benny had asked her to help him when planning something on short notice. Hopefully it wouldn't be a big thing, but it always took a bit of effort to get everyone where they should be, and all the food they needed as well.

"This is going to be fun," Dean hummed, dropping himself into Cas' lap. "I love a good barbecue, and they're definitely better when you don't have to be the ones to plan everything."

"Very true. Now come on, we've got a shift in half an hour. We'll need to leave soon."

The Saturday of Benny and Andrea's barbecue was warm and bright. Dean and Cas made sure to leave early, in case their friends needed any last minute muscle to get everything sorted. They were actually pretty organised - more so than Cas and Dean had been anyway - but they happily accepted the help to get seating and blankets out their shed while they focused on the food. Charlie arrived soon after they had, having the same idea, and she and Dean quickly dissolved into a conversation too quick for Cas to keep up as they unpacked everything.

They were all already smiling wide enough to make their cheeks hurt, and the barbecue hadn't even started yet.

Really, this should have been the moment where Cas realized that something was about to happen. That was just how his life worked. He couldn't have big highs, without a trip back down.

The sound of a loud car pulling up to the house, and then the gate clanging behind them was the beginning of the end, as another few people joined their early club.

"Hey, I hope it's okay we're early," a voice Cas didn't recognize said. Cas watched as Dean's eyes flew wide and he spun around, though he didn't think anything of it at that moment.