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Pothos
Percy sat by the steps of his cabin as he watches every single demi-god bustle around camp. They had just come back from Athens, tired and battered. After a few hours of mourning right after the final battle, Argo II had decided to travel back to Camp-half blood. Hazel had to be forcefully dragged back to ship. No one could find Nico’s body and it gave them a hard time to calm the female demi-god down, luckily Frank had handled her breakdown in the only way he can, a bear hug.
But it wasn't just Hazel, who had a hard time accepting his death…
Nico di Angelo had shadow traveled to get back to them after getting the Athena’s Pantheon back at camp, something that now Percy knew was rather dangerous as Nico was already too tired at that time (drifting into nothingness and back wasn't something that should be taken light of), all because he said that he wanted to help out and make a difference. That information was according to Reyna’s recount of events when they asked her after arriving back at camp. But Percy knew better now. He didn’t want to presume or be egoistic because seriously, the reason makes him sick to his stomach. It makes him want to hurl everything he ate for breakfast. But really, what if Nico came back just for him. To make sure he’s safe, to make sure that he stays alive…
He didn't know if he should take it as a gift or a curse, but seeing Nico’s memories –right from the day they first met till his last thoughts before he died, hurt. All this time that boy had been suffering and all Percy could think about at that point in their lives was the times he had betrayed him. Selling him to his father, Hades; Keeping his identity a secret when his memory was gone. All of this seemed so small now compared to the pain he had unknowingly inflicted to the Ghost King.
He wanted to yell and curse at whoever was that god who made him see it. He could have lived better not knowing anything. He could have moved on without that knowledge and probably lived a happy life with Annabeth. But he knew that the god was right. No love should be left unsung. It was the least the god could have done for Nico, to let his love be known, recognized if not even returned at all.
But as the days pass by the memories made Percy numb. Here he was, just sitting and not caring at all as everyone started to pile through towards the Amphitheater. They were making a huge pyre, to commemorate and mourn all those who had died in the war. Percy felt bitter about it, because they didn't have Nico’s body to mourn over. They had a shroud made especially for Nico, they would burn it along with the others in respect for what he had done for all of them.
By some miracle or better described as a misfortune, Nico’s body just disappeared right after he had viewed the boy’s memories. He knew the gods had something to do about it, but Chiron and Mr. D were lip tied about it, with the latter dismissing them by pouring wine- or was it diet coke, all over them. His mentor then just gave them all a small sad smile before redirecting the campers about the traditional Greek and Roman pyre.
What they didn't understand was that Percy’s body hasn't stopped trembling and he probably won’t for a long time, until he learns where Nico’s body was. Something felt extremely wrong on not finding Nico’s body.
Nico died in his arms. In his arms and yet it disappeared like it wasn’t even there at all. Like this was all just a sick joke pulled on Percy. But he knew it was real, because the blood was still there, soaking his shirt and probably the floor of his room in Argo II where he left it untouched.
But life moved on. Everyone had their chance to mourn for the boy. Percy had his share of mourning inside his room while they were traveling back. He had cried for days, probably not manly to admit, but he did. He closed off to everyone, even Annabeth. He knew she meant well, and that she’s just worried about him. But she didn’t know the pain and the burden that was left on him upon Nico’s death. She didn’t know the pain, knowing someone had loved him more than life itself, that he’d sacrifice his life for you, and Nico did just that.
Okay, maybe she knew how it felt to give your life for that someone, she did almost die for him back in the war against Kronos, but she didn’t know the pain of being the one left behind after the act. He may not return Nico’s feelings, but those feelings shook him down to his core.
And now, he longs for the younger demi-god.
Percy wanted him back, to be there beside him. He wanted to return the favor and make Nico smile, a smile that hadn’t been seen much on his face since he was ten. The saying was right; you don’t know what was beside you until you lose it forever.
Sighing, Percy stood up and went inside his cabin. Brooding out there won’t help him at all. It would just give the whole camp a constant reminder that Percy was now probably broken. He knew he was, because other than pain, he can’t feel anything at all. He doesn’t know why, but somehow the only thing his body was yearning was the dead body of Nico in his arms. It was creepy he know, but it was what it was.
“You are quite a strange boy.” A voice ringing like a bell, a sad bell that is, said. Like it was ringing for the dead, a funeral toll, which Percy thought later on to be fitting with the camp’s mood.
Percy turned and saw an angel hovering above the small fountain next to his bed. He looked a lot like the god who stood before him when Nico died. Percy’s first reaction was to get mad, and then he noticed the differences. The god before him also had long hair, but instead of black, it was brown and slightly wavy. His wings were not as pure as the one before. It had dark red tints on the tips. He was twirling a vine along his fingers as he looks at Percy with sad but amused eyes. He didn’t know how that was possible, but it was. Must be a god thing.
“You radiate so much yearning and longing for someone you did not even loved before he was gone.” The god continued.
He visibly flinched at that. Whoever this god was, he was just so spot on. “Who are you?” He asked, his hands fisted on the side, shaking.
The god flew towards him before stroking his face, like Percy was someone he just lost in life. He looked so sad; Percy thought he might cry, which made him feel like panicking, a small tug in his heart says to comfort the guy. “I am Pothos.”
Percy’s face scrunched up, wracking his brain on who Pothos were. Annabeth gave him a crash course on who are who, things he should remember about the Greek mythology, but somehow some names just never did stuck. They were either hard to pronounce or just seemed not important at all.
A laugh snapped him out of his thoughts. It sounded so sad and bitter, it made Percy shiver. Pothos was now lounging on his bed; Percy didn’t even notice the god moving away from him, was he really that out of himself? The god had his arms propped up by his elbows as he continued to play with the vines in his hands. Coiling and uncoiling it, back and forth. “I’m the god of yearning and longing Percy.”
“Oh…”
“Oh yes.” Pothos sighed, his eyes were quite wistful. “The longing of all the demi-gods here is quite strong. They all yearn for the people they lost. People they cannot reach anymore.” The winged god shook his head and regarded Percy once more. “But yours is quite strong.” He gave Percy as smile. “Is it the guilt?”
Percy felt his body shook as he backed away from the god nodding.
“Have you now seen his worth?” He god smile somehow looked sad now. “How important he is in your life? Like a huge chuck of your existence was taken away from you and you don’t know why because this little kid wasn’t someone that important before but now he suddenly is.”
He nodded again, feeling he fell mute against this god who can somehow read him like an open book when even his girlfriend couldn’t understand him now.
“The human heart is a fragile thing.” Pothos continued. “It’s unpredictable in a sense too.”
“I don’t understand.” He tried to glare, he really did, but somehow, glaring at a god who looks like he was going to cry was hard. It was like he’s bullying him or something. It was disturbing in a sense.
“You see Percy, yearning and longing only happens when we think that there is something we cannot have anymore. Some people yearn for love because they think they could never have, some yearn for acceptance, knowing they will probably not get it. Some long for peace when there is war looming ahead of them that may not end sometime soon. It’s a complicated process that is very unpredictable. You don’t know when or where you’ll feel it. It’s just suddenly there.”
“Why are you really here?” He didn’t want to hear any more of it. The guilt burned inside of him more than ever now. It doubled what he felt before now that the god had put to words what he probably felt inside.
“Such an impatient lad.” The god shook his head disappointingly. “I am here to offer a quest. That is only if you are willing to take it.”
This time, Percy did manage to glare at the god. “Why would you think I’ll be accepting that? I’m tired of all of these quests you gods send me for. I’ve lost a lot of friends because of it.”
“Ah, but this is more personal Percy.” Pothos tutted. “But if you don’t want to see your friend, then I guess I’ll just go…” He stood up and flapped his wings, ready to depart.
Percy eyes widen as he clutched the god’s clothes. “Wait. You mean I’ll get to find Nico?” His voice trembled at the prospect of finally finding Nico’s body and maybe they will get the chance to properly mourn for the boy.
“My brother, Eros is really fond of him. He’s actually with him now.”
“Eros? You mean Cupid? The baby with a bow that he can shoot people with, so they’ll fall in love?”
Pothos laughed. “That is always my favorite misconception of my brother. He’s always annoyed at how human perceives him every Valentine’s day.” He grinned widely as he continued to twirl his vine which was suspiciously growing towards Percy. “But yes, that is Eros. But he doesn’t appear easily unless he wanted to meet you. And let me tell you, he doesn’t want to see you.”
“Huh?”
“You’re mother’s pet project. You are her perfect love tragedy that Eros is grumpy about it. He’s supposed to be the one who pair up humans, but from time to time, when mother sees couples she thinks are very much beautiful and has beautiful love between them, she over rides his powers.”
“That’s confusing.”
“I know right? Who knows why we have two deities of love.” Pothos shrugged. “But I guess since I’m here and somehow also a deity of love, albeit a different kind of love, just shows that love isn’t that simple at all.”
Percy nodded slowly, somehow he understood that.
“But mother can be most unfair with her choices. Sometime she pair humans because she thinks they are beautiful together, and that ends up with Eros in a hissy fit.” He then giggled. “And Eros thinks you are one of those.”
“What?” Percy froze. He’s one of those? One of Aphrodite’s playthings, someone she thought was just beautiful to pair up with Annabeth? But he loves Annabeth, just as much as Annabeth loves him, maybe even more. That doesn’t make sense at all.
“Don’t worry about that, that’s just Eros. We don’t know for sure what the fates had weaved up for you. But I’m not the one who should tell you about that.”
Percy shook his head. “Then how do I make Eros see me?”
The vine Pothos was twirling in his fingers coiled up on Percy’s arms. “Get the blessings of the Erotes.” Pothos smiled. “You already have mine. Your longing is so strong that it gave me the most beautiful feeling that I felt for centuries.”
“I… how?”
But Pothos ignored his question, okay so maybe it wasn’t a question, more of a stuttering.
“Your quest is to find each Erotes, learn their kind of love, and maybe, just maybe Eros will finally grace you with his presence. But you mustn’t let anyone else know of your quest. It doesn’t work that way. This is a personal quest. A Quest to find love.”
Percy could only barely nod before the god disappeared right before his eyes in red and white sparkles. He could only slumped down on the ground and stare at the vine that seemed to be still alive, twisting and twirling around his arm and yet not tightening up to hurt him. It seemed like it did want to though, but was not allowed to. Like the vine itself was yearning for him but couldn’t let itself to have him.
He slapped his face, waking himself up from the trance the vines had made him fall through. He had a quest to do, a god to find and a friend to retrieve. And maybe, along the way, he could make himself feel other than pain again.
“What are you doing here Pothos?”
The other god was startled as he looked at him, like he was caught red handed. “Agape.”
Agape smiled as he sat over one of the cabins, somehow this certain cabin was calling to him. “I know that the power of longing and yearning is quite strong here. A lot of demi-gods had been mourning. But I feel the focus is towards that direction and not here.” He pointed towards the Amphitheater where a huge pyre was burning.
Pothos laughed. “I could say the same thing to you little one.”
“I’m new.” He shrugged. “I’m relying on gut feelings on where I should go. I don’t remember nor know anything beyond being god the other day, but somehow, this place just pulls me in.”
The older god smiled back at him before wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Now you are the one radiating longing. It does not fit as you are the god of sacrificial love. Perhaps it’s also because of these dead demi-gods. Most of them did sacrifice their lives for the ones they love.”
Agape nodded, it made perfect sense, plus like he said, he was just a new god. He was just getting used to his abilities; there was nothing wrong with getting pointers from the other Erotes. “You are probably right.”
“Come now little one, Eros might get worried where you went. You are still under his tutelage after all.” Pothos nudged him with a huge grin.
The younger god laughed. “Yes, we must not let him keep waiting.” He looked back towards the camp before spreading his wings and taking off in the air. Feathers glided down towards the ground as the sun shined brightly, the smoke from the fire rising in the air, guiding the two gods back to Olympus.
Percy stepped out of his cabin, feeling more alive than ever. He now has a purpose and it made the adrenaline rush through his veins. The vine coiled around him had stopped moving, it now looked like an armband made out of leaves.
Feeling something fell on top of his head, Percy looked up and saw two birds soaring out in the sky as their feathers fell down towards him. A mix of deep red and silver feathers floated down like snow. It was a beautiful sight.
It was a sign, he decided, as he reached up for a silver feather. A sign that he will find Nico.