Chapter Text
The two Storm Troopers who's name I had yet to learn escorted me to the Engineer's dorm.
It took perhaps 10 minutes, during which I realised I was going to have to become acquainted with the ship's layout if I ever hoped to get anywhere on time.
On the way, the female Trooper began to explain to me the inner workings of the Mandator- her male counterpart only interjecting when she wasn't sure of something.
Much like I had expected, all of the ship's staff- those who did the manual labour where housed in different sections.
The Engineers and those of the same ilk were housed near the main hangar- obviously so we could get to and from work without a wait. All of the kitchen staff and cleaners lived nearest to the mess hall, and then sanitation workers, seamstresses, weapon specialists etc were housed by the very rear of the ship.
Storm Troopers had their own quarters a few levels above, with a dozen in each room making up larger units of soldiers. The Knights of Ren she mentioned, also took residence on one of their floors.
I made sure to note which one she mentioned so I would never have to go up there.
And above them was the Officer's rooms and other senior staff.
Leading to the very top level of the ship where the command brig was. Somewhere I was also keen to never visit.
The hall we were walking through was tight enough we could only walk in two's, so the woman took the lead- letting the man march next to me.
"So, that's pretty much most of the essentials," She commented as we turned a corner, the floor suddenly painted blue. "That's just marking this is a space for the workers in their off time and not a part of the ship's workings."
I nodded, itching at my face.
During the journey I had stopped bleeding, but my nose had began to throb with a fury, and I was keen to wash off the blood. I must have looked truly horrific, though we never passed anyone for me to judge their reaction by.
"Where are all the workers?" I asked, voice crackling.
I could than his Asshole Lordship Kylo Ren for that.
The man answered this time, "Probably still working, though it's almost time for lunch."
I looked at him quizzically, he hadn't looked at a watch.
"Do you have clocks inside your helmets?" I asked out loud, immediately regretting it.
The helmet turned, and I could almost imagine the man underneath looking at me.
"Among other things."
I got his drift, obviously meaning I wasn't meant to ask questions so I nodded and faced forward.
At the end of the hall there was a door which hissed as it slid open, presenting a circular common area full of tables piled high of papers, datapads and wirey lumps of metal and bulbs.
It felt like home, or at least my shop back there. A place of creation, long hours and impossible ideas that would explode in your face to laughter of your family.
Around the circle were dorms splitting off inside smaller rooms, probably fitting two dozen persons in each.
"Solstice, do you want to put your hand here?" The woman Storm Trooper asked, pointing to a small datastation just inside the entrance, a shute next to it humming quietly.
I raised a hand, taking a step forward but hesitated just before I placed it on.
Was I really doing this? Even for Cris.I had a shot of unease in my stomach. The people here were monsters, cogs in the machine that crushed civilisations. I wasn't an Engineer- and I definitely had no idea how to fake becoming one.
All of my special understandings of the inner-workings of electronics came from using the force- which was now no longer an option if Kylo Ren or his bastard knights were stalking the ship. Not to mention there was no way in hell he could have truly bought my ruse. I had mentioned a persons force-body, which I was pretty sure I'd never heard pass anyone's lips in stories of the Jedi, and instead was taken from my own experience.
It was just a matter of time until someone caught me in a lie, or trying to escape.
Did it matter if I put my hand on that data point, scanning in my details and selling my soul to the devil if I was only living on borrowed time anyway.
I blinked, shaking my head and pressed my hand down against the screen.
It was just a matter of time. And that bitter, reckless resolve I had used to headbutt the Commander of the First Order came flooding back. I had not done it to be brave, nor to resist as my last action within this life.
I had done it out of spite.
A blue line scanned up and down my hand, then one came from a small camera- cataloguing my face.
And in that moment, as a tiny needle came out to take a piece of my DNA, puncturing my finger- something settled within me.
I would become their stupid engineer. I would fix their ships. I would memorise the layout of their ships and the inner-teachings of their people.
I would learn everything I could.
And then, I would bring them crumbling down.
For taking me away from Cris, leaving her alone to the world. For torturing someone who had already given up. For Poe, and for making his blood fall on my hands whenever they found him.
The scan stopped.
I took back my hand massaging the small puncture wound, it stung, but the flame in my face was worse.
From beside the data point, a small card was ejected, and I took it- looking over at what I assumed was my new ID. A small roll of fabric hissed down the shute, coming to a rest by it's opening.
I heard the Troopers move, and I turned around to them- offering what I hoped looked like a soft smile, for I was trying not to snarl at them.
"Thank you, for showing me where to go."
They just looked at each other, and the woman shrugged, "Good luck kid. Stay out of trouble and you'll do fine."
I nodded, watching as they retreated down the corridor.
It took everything I had not to flip them off as I had done to the regulatory system back on that ship yesterday, and I had to clench my hands into fists to avoid the temptation.
Was it only yesterday? My mind whispered. Suddenly, it felt like weeks had passed since that oily regulatory system- since I had watched Cris sleep like a baby.
Sucking in a breath I grabbed my new uniform, looking at the ID card and my dorm number stamped on it: a 7.
Looking around the room, I spotted it hanging over the door right next to the bathrooms which were directly across from the outer door.
I pocketed the ID, and began walking through the maze of tables and chairs. The area wasn't furnished to be comfortable- I doubted anything above this hellscape was, but it felt lived in. Glancing at one of the many papers, I saw the blueprints for a TIE-fighter, and next to it what looked to be some kind of sketch of a massive engine labelling all of the faults, areas for improvement and even how it might fit into a space.
Not wanting to look suspicious, even though there was nobody here, I quickened my speed to my dorm, the door sliding open for me.
It was humble inside, with sets of bunks three-high packed in like sardine cans and built into the walls so they looked like shelves with mattresses.
Every bed looked lived in, and I had to take my imitative to guess which was mine. It was one of the top bunks right in the corner of the dorm, the sheets pressed in and folded expertly whereas the rest looked like people had slept in them.
I fished my hand into my pocket so I could toss my ID onto the bed, but my fingers touched cold metal.
Sucking in a sharp breath, I pushed my hand in further- touching the smooth glass of my datapad.
I whipped it out of my pocket, sending the ID card skittering onto the floor.
The glass and metal was like a ray of hope- burning past the swirl of dark emotions in my chest.
Instantly I brought up the messaging feature, fingers flying over the screen as I typed out a message to Crissy.
I was on the verge of hitting send when rationality caught up.
I wasn't just on some passenger ship, I wasn't working for some mining corporation. I was on board the Mandator- there was no possible way I could get this message out without it flagging some kind of warning on the brig.
Backspacing, I clutched the datapad against my chest- feeling like something real and safe.
Even if it was useless to contact my little sister with.
Taking a deep breath I unclenched my arms- sliding it under my pillow.
"I'll find a way." I promised myself in that broken voice, before gathering my new clothes and the ID card and marching to the bathrooms.
~~~
I swore in shock when I saw my reflection.
Wild hair, drawn tear-stained face, blood covering my whole lower face and of course: horrible red marks of Kylo Ren's force hand around my throat.
I reached up with two fingers, trailing my damaged skin gently despite a subtle sting.
"Piece of shit." I rasped, looking at the marks of fingers.
Most worrying, however, was my nose.
It was bent, obviously broken, and bruises were already growing around my slowly swelling eyes and nose that were reflected back to me in one of the mirrors. I was going to have to fix it.
GREAT. I hissed in my mind. I'm going to look like a circus freak for weeks.
I was so focused on my nose and the pain of lightly prodding it I did not notice the force slither within me, awakening from it's force slumber.
From over my shoulder, I felt the exhale of breath raising the hair on the back of my neck.
I turned, braid whipping around my shoulder as I stared at the empty bathroom behind me.
Oh my god. I'm going crazy.
My hands gripped the basin behind me, but slowly enough I turned around, running my hand over those small hairs as I glared into the mirror.
Just bloody psyching myself out before I can set my nose.
I shook my head, crushing my eyes closed. I could not leave my nose how it was, and I had set Crissy's once when she faceplanted in my shop a few years back.
I can do this, I CAN DO THIS. I hyped myself up mentally, thinking of all I had just been through.
If I could withstand nearly dying, being set on fire mentally, and everything else Kylo Ren had subjected me to I could set one tiny bone.
Not giving myself another second to back out of it, I gave my folded uniform perched on the sink a cursory glance- and twisted my broken nose.
My face crunched, the taste of metal shooting though my mouth.
"FUCK!" I screamed in my raw voice, but kept my hands holding the nose in the right place.
Blood spattered out, painting the dried stuff a bright red again.
Panting I opened my eyes, watching as the blood- though less than before dripped into the sink.
Before I turned on the tap to wash it away, I thought back to Commander Ren's lightsaber.
The colour was the same, and the white hot pain striking through my face felt like the saber when it had been held against my skin.
Even in my delirium of torture, I had been right. It was beautiful. What I wouldn't give to own one, to have such a weapon by my side. Not even for any particular reason- just that it looked so entrancing with pure, endless light.
I laughed, throat protesting at the noise.
I was no jedi, and even if I got off this hell forsaken ship alive I would never risk using the force by interacting with one of their creations.
My nose's flow of blood slowed, and I began to was the sink, swilling my hands before I realised they too were coated in scarlet.
Shaking my head I turned the tap off, drying my hands on already stained clothes and picking up the uniform- heading straight for a stall. I could not wash off it all here, simply striping for a shower would get off the blood and sweat coating me like a second skin.
Of course, as there were no other inhabitants present, I simply strode into the first stall, placing my new uniform on a shelf- and simply stepped out of my bloodied clothes.
As I was trying to figure out how to turn on the shower head, I couldn't help but feeling vulnerable.
I was standing, naked as the day I was born on an enemy ship, without any way to defend myself if one day they put together what I was.
Shaking my head I ran a hand over my braided hair.
I couldn't think like that. Couldn't let the fear and horror win, otherwise I should have died back in my shop.
The water sprayed on, and I stepped under it.
I can't let the fear and horror win, I told myself.
But I could allow myself a moment of weakness, just to let everything out.
I sank to the shower floor- letting the hot jet spray my aching face, and hide the fat- rolling tears that began sliding from my eyes.
It was like I had opened the floodgates, the fear and stress of the last day flooding out of me.
Crissy's medicine almost breaking, the force, the cantina and Poe.
Poe. I prayed he had the sense to be quick with his business on Jakku. To escape whilst he still had the chance. I prayed with reverence to the silent stars that he would not blame me for his death when it came, for I surely was.
I mourned my freedom, mourned Crissy's absence. I had never gone a day in my life without her beside me, laughing at me and with me.
Then came the people at the cantina, all of them brutally murdered by one of Ren's lackeys.
Guilt pulsed through me. I did not know why they were slaughtered, but I found myself blaming the Force.
I had used in mine and Crissy's apartment, and again at the cantina. Something told me the ripples I had sent of may not have been the ones I felt back. That perhaps I had made a disturbance in the force that led a knight to the cantina.
All of those men and women, their blood was on my hands.
I sobbed silently, drowning myself in grief whilst I still could, before I had to shut it off and push through.
I was not a crier. But in this moment, it was all I had to let go of the vortex of emotion inside of me.
The Force had killed those people in the cantina, and it was me who had disturbed it. I had been right, back in my apartment. It taints everything it touches.
My mind wandered to that room in the dungeons. To the way my body had been set aflame my Kylo Ren's use of the force. To the sureness I had felt that I would die.
It felt impossible, to believe one was doomed one minute, and then alive the next.
Still, I felt like I was hurtling towards a precipice- a guillotine hanging above my head.
I let it all out, then turned my thoughts to Cris.
My bouncing baby sister, always sick and always small. How would she cope? I could only hope that the seamstress I had bought from before would take her in- after all I had seen a sign in her shops window mere days before.
It took me a few minutes, but before long the sorrow had run itself dry and I was left with a burning resolve.
I was going to make the First Order pay.
Standing, I helped haul myself up with an arm and properly wash myself under the shower until the water ran clear, then turned off the water to enact the drying system.
I had never been in a ship before, but I had fixed more than my fare share of body driers.
Turns out I shouldn't have been so impressed, it ended up being hot air blown at me until my body and hair dried.
Stepping out, I pulled on my uniform- thanking the stars it wasn't the pompous clothing of Officers. Instead it was a deep, deep navy of thick material.
I pulled on the trousers, and then a crisp white shirt. There were suspenders to keep the trousers up which I also donned, and then a robust jumper with what I assumed to be an engineers logo.
There was also a cap similar to an Officers, but I refused to put the ugly thing on my head yet.
All too soon, I was dressed.
I hated how nice the clothes felt, thick and well fitted compared to my older clothing.
Talking of, I scooped my bloodied things up after quickly tugging on my boots, and stepped out of the stall to search for somewhere to put them.
~~~
In the end, I couldn't find somewhere to wash them, so I folded them and placed them on my bed with a vow to ask someone when I next saw a worker.
I was turning to leave my dorm when I heard voices, bright and nothing like the Storm Troopers augmented tones I had been cursed with conversation before.
I did not have any time to prepare myself for meeting others when the door slid open, and two people in identical uniforms to me walked in.
"I can't believe he broke another monitor, that's the third time this mo- Oh hello." The first one spoke, lifting her head.
She was a female, blonder than Crissy had been with hair like ice and eyes of blue.
The second person, a man- or rather a boy beside her was at least two years my junior and blinked at me in shock.
"Uh- hello." I croaked out, cursing Commander shitface for the way my throat hissed.
The woman looked me over, smiling tentatively, "Are you the new engineer? They said they were bringing one in."
Glancing back at my bunk with my stained clothes I nodded, almost in question, "Yeah."
The woman, although she was similar to my own age stared at my neck, just visible above my shirt collar.
Her face paled, matching her colleagues who had already noticed the marks as she saw my clothes and then my throat.
"Oh my stars- what did you do?"
I defensively reached up to rub at my neck, realising despite my shower I probably looked rough as shit.
I shook my head, at loss for words.
The boy next to her, I noticed, looked incredibly similar. Brother perhaps?
The woman coughed, holding out one of her hands to break the tension, "Well you better thank your lucky stars, that's how your predecessor went."
I took it, frowning at what she meant before I was able to piece it together.
And empty bunk, a engineer needed.
"Kylo Ren killed someone onboard?"
The boy shushed me, looking around like there were cameras watching him, "Yes, and it's Commander, if you use his name you'll get in trouble."
I nodded, immediately curious.
"What happened?" I asked, gesturing to the bunk, my ruined voice rasping.
The boy shook his head and stepped away, crossing to a bunk where he hunted around for something.
The woman rolled her eyes at the boy, "He can't hear us. I don't care what Engineer Stewart say's he's not omniscient."
She smiled at me, eyes roving over my broken face, "My names Engineer Holden, and that one is my cousin Engineer Palston. What's yours?"
I blinked, taking a moment to study her uniform. It was similar to mine, if stained somewhat with oil. Obviously, she did manual work as well.
"Uh- Engineer Nox." I said, thinking back to my ID card now stowed in my pocket. They didn't use first names here.
Holden -I would refuse to think the Engineer before her name every time- nodded, and whistled to her cousin.
"Well your lucky Nox. It's lunch time, you managed to miss over first shift." Her cousin, who came walking back with a datapad in his hands gave me a small berth, eyes trailing those marks on my neck.
Obviously it wasn't a common scene to escape Commander Ren and live, I picked up.
Holden beckoned her head, and I followed after a moment of pause as we walked back into the main common area of the Engineer's dorm.
Unsurprisingly, after all of todays antics, I wasn't that hungry anyway.