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Chapter Text

Part 1: The Wedding

It was freezing. That was Tony's first thought as he walked into his family's throne room. It was part of their arrangement with the people of Jotunheim upon agreeing to this meeting. The Jotun would journey to them in a show of good faith and goodwill towards the humans making a statement about the two races moving on despite their rocky past. The humans would try to make their stay as comfortable as possible for them and that included turning up the A/C to basically freezing.

Tony hated the cold with a passion, but he still preferred it this way. The winters in Jotunheim were rough, yes, but he was more worried about the people than the weather.

Nothing would happen to them while they were there, but there were more than a few Jotun who didn't like the humans and wished they were still nothing but petty slaves serving at their feet. The human rebellion that happened centuries ago caused a big hit to the Jotun economy when they could no longer rely on slave labor. As such, some resented the humans for rebelling and believed that their fight for independence was an unearned attempt to increase their status in the world.

His parents were already there, both impeccably dressed as always. Tony for his part had on as much gold and as many jewels as Pepper could fit onto his outfit while still looking as inviting as possible and not like he was going for a power play. He hated the fanfare and heavy accessories that came with hosting important guests and today was definitely no exception.

His crown sat regally on his head with his family's chosen gem in the center, a bright red ruby that gleamed in the sun with power and authority. His hair was combed and brushed and his facial hair was neatly trimmed. He wore red silk pants and a black button-up shirt with gold details sewn into the cuffs. A heavy fur coat was draped around his shoulders protecting him from the frosty atmosphere. Each of his fingers was adorned with golden rings covered in rubies and a golden watch sat heavily on his wrist. He felt like a peacock.

Honestly, he loved the color combination but this was a bit of overkill. Then again, nothing could be too good for his future husband. Tony still didn't love this whole idea. He was a prince so he knew he was never going to marry for something simple and sweet like love. His hand in matrimony was far too valuable to use for anything but as a means for political gains, but he'd never had much love for the idea. He wished he had on a pair of his usual sunglasses to hide his eyes but his father told him if he came into the throne room wearing them, he would grab them off his face and break them without hesitation.

He had never seen Prince Loki. This would be their first time meeting. Apparently, according to his mother, they were supposed to have some alone time once he got here while the two families discussed the political side of the arrangement after the initial introductions and hellos were done. How much they could get to know each other in any significant way in a matter of hours was far beyond him but then again, the wedding wasn't supposed to be for another few months assuming both families came to an agreement as to what to wed them for, so perhaps they would get a bit more time.

He already knew the agreement was going to happen. Both sides had too much to gain not to marry off their respective children. The kingdom of Jotunheim would be able to show alliance with the humans and strengthen their armies with access to the best weaponry the nine realms had to offer. They would also have a place in the gateway realm that connected the other realms to the rest of the cosmos.

The Earth kingdom would strengthen their alliance with the Jotun and gain an even stronger hold in the power structure of the nine realms as well as mages to enchant their already impressive weapons. Both would hold a stronger force against the kingdom of Asgard, certifying their place as a superpower not even their might could easily topple. As far as the politics of the situation went, their union was as good as sealed.

Tony took his seat. He saw his father give him a calculating glance as he sat down, trying to decide if he looked impeccable enough to please the eyes of their guests. Tony sat straight as a pin as a prince was supposed to while his father scanned him and only let his breathe out when he nodded and turned back to the front of the room, relieved he didn't have to change anything.

"Do not make a spectacle out of this Anthony."

Tony had to smirk at that. "Me? Never."

"I mean it," Howard growled lowly. "A lot is riding on this going well. You must make sure you impress Loki. It is your duty as a prince of this realm."

Tony snorted. "What's the point? It's not like he can say no. It's not like I can say no either. This whole thing has already been decided."

"Tony please, you know this needs to happen." That was his mother. Tony immediately relented and slid back into his seat with a huff, signaling the end of his protests. "Who knows? After spending a bit of time together you might come to like each other."

Tony severely doubted that. He may not know Prince Loki but he had heard enough stories to make the thought of meeting him leave a bad taste in his mouth. At least he wasn't ugly according to those he'd talked to so while he may grow to hate him he could at least like looking at him.

Tony heard a shuffling of feet and what sounded like fanfare just beyond the door and both of his parents sat up a little bit taller.

As it turned out, the Jotun really knew how to travel. A large group of twelve warrior Jotun wearing only brown pants and warrior face paint of three red lines under each eye walked into the room carrying two large palanquins between them. There were six warriors to a palanquin with three on one side and three on the other. Each one had a frame made of solid gold and white curtains draped around them to conceal the inhabitants inside.

Three servant girls all dressed in stark white bandeau tops and white long skirts walked in front carrying large bowls of water in their arms. One more empty-handed servant girl walked beside one of the palanquins keeping it in close proximity at all times, staying as close as she could get without getting trampled by the warriors carrying the royalty inside. They were all smaller Jotun, magic users.

Tony started to look at her again a bit more calculatingly and amended his previous thought. She was not just a simple servant. While the girls holding the bowls and the warriors carrying the palanquins all walked with their heads slightly bowed, a show of submission, she walked proudly with her head held high and her back straight like someone of importance, unaffected by the other royals in the room while still looking respectful. Tony wasn't quite sure what it was but he could tell she had some status.

Walking in last behind all of them were two smaller male Jotun playing matching instruments that looked like a cross between a trumpet and a flute. The noise they made was loud and powerful and slightly harsh but it matched the grandiose nature of the rest of the traveling party. 

The musicians lowered their instruments as the group stopped in the middle of the throne room and the warriors carefully lowered the palanquins and stepped back behind them in a uniform line. The servant girl who had been walking alongside them before now stepped to the side of the first carriage, her hands held firmly behind her back as she spoke loudly.

"Introducing, King Laufey of Jotnuheim and his wife, Queen Andora of Jotunheim."

She gripped the long white curtain that stretched to almost twice her height and easily pulled it back with a flourish as the musicians once again started playing as the two royals exited. It was King Laufey that came out first, of course. He was tall, at least ten feet. He had black hair and a stern face. He might have been handsome if his face didn't look so cruel.

He had dozens of white scars small and large on his face and back. Each scar was a testament to the battles he'd been in. They were something the Jotun warriors wore proudly on their bodies, a visual sign of their experiences and their ability to take a punch and still keep going.

He wore a navy blue sleeveless vest that carried all the way to his knees and matching pants and no shirt. His hair fell in heavy dreadlocks to the middle of his back and they were each braided with gold bands and trinkets.

A short second later, the queen followed him. The same girl who opened the curtain held out a hand to help her down which she immediately took. She was a smaller Jotun, a magic user and she had the same dark hair as her husband although hers fell freely in loose curls, falling around her shoulders and framing her face gorgeously. She wore a light blue dress the same color as her skin that fit around her perfectly and flowed behind her elegantly with every step.

She had no scars, a point of pride for mages of Jotunheim, and a testament to their ability to fight in battles without taking a single blow. Her family markings were not as pronounced as her husbands. They were softer, more curved, and swirled but they still spoke of a powerful family from the Jotun kingdom.

None of them wore shoes but she had silver anklets resting near her feet. Silver bands of a similar material also wrapped around her wrists and waist. She had silver earrings on and a silver necklace sat regally on her chest.

The two stepped forward side by side demanding every bit of respect their titles owed them just with their very presence. As soon as they reached the servant girls standing at the front of the room, two of them sat down their bowls of water and began to wave their hands above them, hands glowing with magic.

The water slowly rose from the bowls straight into the air and flowed under the servant girls' gestures until it froze and became two thrones made purely of ice both simplistic in design but still quite beautiful and elegant. Both monarchs took their seats and turned their eyes on the family in front of them.

The musicians started playing again while six of the warriors stepped forward unprompted and grabbed the now emptied palanquin and moved it to the back of the room. The other six stepped forward and brought the second one a little bit closer to take the spot of the previous one. This one was much smaller. It was the size of a regular human's. Tony already knew who was waiting inside.

The servant girl grabbed the curtain and began to pull it back with a flourish, allowing the occupant to step out into the throne room.  He came out slowly and Tony couldn't help but lean forward just a little to get a better look at him.

He was beautiful. He was tall, taller than Tony but still small by Jotun standards. His hair was in a neat braid keeping his hair out of his face. He wore a long sleeveless green jacket that fell to his feet and matching loose pants that sat low on his hips and widened out around his legs.

Every part of his body was covered in gold. He easily had on more jewelry than everyone else in the room combined. There were gold bracelets on his wrists, multiple golden rings on each of his fingers, anklets by his feet, armbands on his upper arms, heavy-looking earrings in his ears, and a golden band around his head. It was almost amusing to Tony how he had toned down his jewelry to look more inviting and yet here he was. Loki did not look inviting, he looked powerful. It was amazing.

It wasn't just his looks that made Tony keep his eyes on him, it was the expression on his face, one he recognized having seen it on his own face once or twice before. Sure, he walked head held high, back straight, and face calm like all royals were taught to walk but it was his expression that intrigued Tony the most.

He looked absolutely bored like this entire event was beneath him, but while his face looked bored, his eyes were carefully scanning everything and everyone around him, silently appraising them all. Tony noticed how he purposefully avoided looking at him. Every time his eyes got close they darted in a different direction. Interesting.

Tony turned away from him and caught a glimpse of the king's smirking, clearly picking up on Tony's interest in his son. Well, at least his interest worked in everyone's favor, not just theirs. The final servant girl placed her bowl of water down and got to work constructing a third throne for him to sit in. Loki stepped in front of his seat but he didn't sit down. He stopped and looked to his father who nodded towards him, signaling something to happen, Tony didn't know what.

Loki nodded slightly back and turned back towards the family in front of him before he closed his eyes. Tony was proud of himself for not showing any reactions as his blue skin slowly started to fade, being immediately replaced by smooth pale skin like a human's wherever the blue retreated. His tribal markings melted into his skin leaving it smooth. He opened his eyes and when he did the last of the red washed away to reveal a stunning shade of green. By the time he was done, he no longer looked like a Jotun, he looked like a human.

He sat down when the transformation was finished and the three servant girls who constructed their thrones walked back to stand by the warriors silently. The girl who introduced the king and queen stepped forward to stand beside Loki's throne.

"Introducing Loki Laufeyson, crown prince of Jotunheim." With that, the meeting began. 

His father started immediately. "King Laufey, we are happy to have you here today. I trust your travels into our realm went well?"

Laufey nodded. "The journey was long but not unbearable. I must admit, I do see the charm and beauty in your land even if it is so vastly different from the one we call home."

"I have seen your home and I can gladly return the sentiment. Queen Andora, it is lovely to see you as well. You look as lovely as ever."

She smiled sweetly. "The pleasure is mine. I am excited to finalize the coming union of our two sons to each other."

"Speaking of our sons," his mother finally spoke "perhaps we should let them get acquainted with each other while we discuss business. There is no real need to keep them here for this part after all."

Queen Andora seemed happy to jump onto the opportunity to give the two boys some time by themselves.

"Yes, I think that would be good. Loki, why don't you let Prince Tony give you a tour of the palace."

She made it sound like an inviting option but the look she sent her son was clearly meant to inform him that he did not have a say in the matter. Tony couldn't read Loki's expression at the statement but it did change slightly. He simply nodded and rose to his feet, looking over at Tony for the first time.

Tony wished he could sit there for longer and try to see what Loki saw when he looked at him. He gave him the same calculating look that he gave everything else in the room, almost like he was trying to determine his value. Tony immediately had the urge to decode it.

Tony stopped trying to analyze Prince Loki's expression after a few seconds and shot the Jotun King and Queen his best diplomatic smile. This whole deal was to unite their families after all. He had to make sure he showed them a little charm "I would be honored to show Prince Loki around."

Tony stepped down from his chair and walked over to where Loki was standing waiting for him patiently, eyes no long appraising him. Now he looked truly bored, but Tony planned to change that with this tour. You only get one first impression after all. He offered out his arm which Loki stiffly took, still giving him the same calculating look, and together the two left the throne room arm in arm.

The two princes walked towards the throne room doors. Tony had asked anyone who had met him before what Prince Loki was like in anticipation for this day and they all painted the same picture and unfortunately, it was of someone he was not anxious to meet. Still, like him or not they were going to be married so he was going to play nice. 

The same girl from earlier was also still with them currently following them from the room. Tony was still curious about her too. She reminded him a lot of Pepper. Before he could figure out the connection, he heard the doors of the throne room close behind him. His thinking time was over.

As soon as they closed Loki pulled his arm out of Tony's and went over to join the girl, giving himself some room.

"Not a big fan of people in your personal space?"

He stayed silent.

"Do you like Earth so far?"

Again, more silence. He just sat there his face as blank as a sheet of paper and his mouth glued shut. Tony was starting to wonder if he could talk.

"Ok... Would you like to introduce your companion?"

"She can introduce herself actually." He was surprised when she spoke up so suddenly and stepped forward, taking the floor for herself but he just swept his hand out to her invitingly. At least someone was talking to him.

"By all means, please."

"My name is Amaya I am the personal attendant to Prince Loki."

It all made sense. He was amazed he didn't put it together earlier, it was so obvious. That was why she reminded him of Pepper, they both did the same job, just for different people.

"So where he goes you go?"

"That is correct."

"Great! It's lovely to meet you. Welcome to Earth." A kind smile spread across her face and he was grateful for it. "So anyway, where would you like to start the tour?"

"We're not going on a tour." Tony was surprised when Loki finally spoke. His arms were crossed heavily across his chest. "I'm going to my room." His voice sounded completely blank and yet, somehow his words came out as a command. Tony didn't like being commanded. His smile became a bit less genuine.

"Not sure that's a good idea. The palace is big, and it's very easy to get lost."

"I don't care what is or isn't a good idea to you. I'm not going on a tour."

Tony stared at him for a few seconds and took a long mental deep breath before trying again.

"Look, I understand this situation probably isn't exactly your favorite. It's not my favorite either but we're here now so, let's try to make the best of it and get to know each other. I promise I don't bite."

"I don't care what you do, now and for the rest of our marriage. I don't want to know you, I don't even want to remember you exist after this is all over. We will be married in a grand ceremony the likes of which the nine realms have never seen, but before and after that, you will stay out of my way and I will, in turn, stay out of yours. Now go find something to do. I'm not going on any stupid tour."

"Yes, you are. I told your mother I would give you a tour, here I am giving you one. Let's go." Tony's smile was now completely gone. His patience was quickly following, he wasn't sure why he was still holding on to it so tightly. 

If looks could kill, Tony would be dead right now and the way he was acting, Loki probably wouldn't mind that outcome. "I thought they said you were supposed to be smart! I am not going anywhere with you, you foolish mortal!"

"Oh? And what will you do when you can't find your way to breakfast tomorrow because you can't find the dining hall? Or when your parents ask you how the tour went today that you didn't bother to go on because you were too busy being stubborn sitting in your room doing nothing?"

"You will pick me up tomorrow so we can go to breakfast together to appear friendly in front of our parents. If they ask about the tour we will tell them we went on it and had a lovely time together, do you think you can manage that? Come, Amaya."

Loki and Amaya turned away and left Tony standing there by himself, and wandered down the hallway towards the rooms they would be staying in while they were here. How he knew which direction to go in Tony had no idea. With one conversation, Loki had proven everything that everyone said about him right and he somehow already hated him even more than he thought he would when they were describing him.

Tony debated with himself for a second on whether or not he should go after the prince. That was the proper thing to do but Tony was very rarely proper when didn't have to be, especially with people like him. As far as he was concerned, If Prince Loki wanted to wander randomly around the large home by himself and inevitably get lost because he was too stubborn and disrespectful to accept a tour, then that was his problem. He would figure it out eventually. Why should Tony care?

Tony walked back to his chambers and found Pepper still sitting inside directing a small team of workers to organize all of the other clothes and accessories they had considered as options for this meeting. As soon as Tony walked in, she sent them all out to give them both some privacy.

"You're back already? I thought you two were supposed to be spending time getting to know each other."

He slowly started taking off all of his rings and his crown and setting them down inside a large box on his dresser.

"Prince Loki decided he doesn't want a tour and would rather go spend the whole day bored and sulking in his room. Then he told me that I will pick him up for breakfast tomorrow and walk with him to the dining hall to look friendly."

Tony rolled his neck trying to pop his stiff joints and relax his body just a little bit. Pepper came up behind him and took the heavy winter coat off his shoulders.

"So, what do you think?"

Tony shrugged. "He's as pretty as they said he'd be, I'll give him that."

Pepper looked at him expectantly clearly waiting for him to go on. "And?"

Tony scoffed. "He's a pompous royal jerk Pep. I don't think he has the ability to talk to people without talking down at them." He opened his drawers and started rummaging through his things looking for a casual outfit to wear.

"That seems a bit harsh. You barely even know him. You only met him today."

"And yet everything he says or does has matched the things that people say about him. I already don't want to know more."

"Well, you're going to have to find a way to get through it because you will be married to him. You had one conversation with him under not the best circumstances. You should go find him. Maybe if you catch him at a more private time you two can talk and get to know each other."

Tony shook his head immediately pulling a pair of sweatpants on and pulling a black wife beater over his head.

"Absolutely not. I don't want to talk to his royal pain until I've had time to think about all of this."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to stay here. I'm going to sit and work on some projects I'll wait for tomorrow when I get to take my lovely future husband to breakfast."

"You know you're never going to even have a shot at liking the guy if you just avoid him all the time."

"Trust me Pep, we won't have to worry about that. I will never, ever like that guy. I can promise you that now."

"You could have been nicer," Amaya said as the two walked down the long hallways of the palace towards Loki's room.

Loki scoffed. "Nicer? To him?"

"Yes, something I thought would have been fairly simple for you to at least pretend, seeing as how he's to be your husband."

"Don't start with me on that. You already know I don't wish to marry him."

"Yes but still you have to and these marriages tend to go smoother if you at least like each other."

"Please. My parents don't like each other, they've done fine all of these years."

"Your parents respect and depend on each other even if they don't see each other romantically. They may not love each other but they like each other very much." Loki just focused harder on following the tracking spell he had placed on his things. "He seemed pleasant enough to me and he's attractive too. He didn't even try to send me away."

"I wouldn't have let him send you even if he had wanted to."

"Yes but it's telling that he didn't even try. You know that plenty of royals would not have given me the same courtesy."

"I don't care about the nice little show he puts on or how attractive he is." Loki shot a quick glare at her.

"Be that as it may, you must find something you like about him. This union is too important to be jeopardized."

Loki didn't respond, he just increased the length of his already long strides towards his room forcing his best friend to practically jog beside him to keep up, something he knew she hated.

When he got there he was glad to see it was a rather simple room. He was tired of the over-decadent nature of the human kingdom, they always had to have everything so overly grand as if they had to prove something. He removed all of his gold and jewels and slipped back into his Jotun skin with ease.

"Do I really have to look like that the entire time I'm here? I look strange as a human."

"You do not look strange you look very handsome and the king and queen said they'd prefer for you to stay that way while in Anthony's presence until he gets used to you. Many humans are still wary around Jotun."

Loki sighed. He threw his jacket over a chair by a desk and flopped down very unceremoniously on the bed of his temporary room. "How long are we to stay here for? I want to go home."

"I'm not sure. Neither of your parents said and it doesn't seem like any of the other servants knew either."

His eyebrows immediately knit together in confusion. That was odd. "How much did they tell you to pack for me?"

"They didn't. They simply said to pack many items of various types. I wasn't given any specific time frames."

Loki frowned. "They're trying to pull something. I'm going to find out what it is."

"I'm sure you will once they reveal it to you but I think even you won't be able to figure it out before then. Whatever it is everyone is unsure which means your parents have kept it very tight-lipped. If you sneak over there to try and figure out what it is, you risk them catching you and finding out that you're not with Prince Tony right now. I'm sure they'll tell you what it is soon enough."

Loki had the urge to say they could only be mad if he was caught but he did not feel like snooping around waiting for his parents to reveal their dirty secret today. Amaya was right. They would tell him soon enough.

Amaya entered her adjoining room connected to his. He would be able to call her at any time if he needed her but for right now, he let her go. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Sooner than he would've liked, his father finally came to find him.

"How was your time with Prince Tony?"

"Fine," Loki said immediately still looking up at the ceiling instead of at his father.

"Really? It must have been a fast tour. With a palace of this magnitude, it seems like you should still be on it." Loki finally turned to look at Laufey who was clearly didn't believe his son's words.

Loki shrugged. "We parted early. He'll be picking me up for breakfast tomorrow anyway."

Laufey still didn't look convinced. He ducked through the doorway to the small room and sat on the side of the bed. Loki sighed and sat up next to his father. "You know this is necessary Loki. We would not do it unless it was."

Loki shook his head bitterly. "It doesn't matter. It's done. I will do my duty to Jotunheim, I'm sure he'll do his duty to Midgard and we will unite the kingdoms together under one throne. I assume the terms of the negotiations were good?"

"Yes, it went very well. We will have a glorious union with Midgard. In many ways, we will have all of the things we originally aimed for by taking them over centuries ago." This news unsurprisingly didn't seem to appease his oldest son. "You may grow to like him if you attempt to let him in. He seems to like you well enough."

"He does not like me. He does not know me, he simply finds me pretty to look at and I see no reason to try and like him. I have to marry him, that's it. In a few years, I will have his children and they will rule over the kingdom we build and seel our power in the nine realms once and for all, and I will rule by his side but those are the only things I owe him."

"Love makes all of that easier."

"You and mother do not love each other."

Laufey considered the statement for a second unable to truly deny it. It was common knowledge in the Nine Realms that the king and queen did not love each other in any traditional way but it was also widely believed that they had the best relationships between any two monarchs currently in power even without it.

"Your mother and I have a different type of love for each other. It is not romantic but we've made it work for us. We like each other. We would rather not see you suffer for the rest of your life betrothed to a man you do not at least have some affection for. Very rarely do monarchs get to marry for love, but maybe you can come to have some level of feelings for each other like your mother and I have if you both try."

"You and Amaya sound so much alike," Loki grumbled bitterly. When his father and Amaya agreed on something they were usually right and they always agreed on things that made Loki upset. Although to be fair some would say that it was dangerously easy to piss Loki off.

"She is wise, that is why we chose her as your attendant."

"That and she's willing to curse me out if need be."

Laufey smirked. "That too."

The two fell silent again for a moment. Laufey let his son think about everything he had said and try to find a response.

"I can't promise to love him, father, not in any form. I can't even promise to try and like him."

"I know. I know why you have never have been good at letting down your walls for anyone else, and yet, I have a feeling that if you did you two might actually like each other much more than you think."

Laufey put a comforting hand on his son's shoulder for a second trying to make him feel slightly less gloomy before he rose to his feet and exited the room leaving Loki on his own again.

Chapter Text

"Are you going to be nice today?"

"I severely doubt it."

Loki turned around and glared at Amaya when she popped him with the comb she was currently using on his hair. "Would you rather I lie?"

"I would rather you not act like such a child." She set the comb down and walked in front of her friend.

He watched annoyed as she slowly circled him, her critical narrowed gaze taking him in. He scowled but as usual, his sour mood had no effect on her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to decide how I should do your hair this morning."

"Just put it back in the braid you did yesterday. I liked it that way."

She shook her head immediately. "You need to switch it up. Prince Tony will appreciate the difference."

Loki scoffed. "Yes, and we wouldn't want to disappoint Prince Tony now would we." The sarcasm was heavy but once again, Amaya was unaffected by her friend's attitude.

"One of us has to try to make this marriage work, it clearly won't be you, so that leaves me. Which pants are you to wear today?"

Loki pointed to the garment lying neatly on his nightstand. "Ooooh! Perfect!" Amaya's face lit up and she twisted her hand in a quick motion summoning a bright green ribbon in the same material. She tied his hair into a high bun and stepped back to look at him again.

Her face immediately broke out into a grin at the elegant yet simple style. Loki chucked at her overwhelming enthusiasm. He never was able to stay annoyed at her forever, a true testament to how much he loved her.

"You are acting as if this is the first time you have tied my hair up this way."

"Yes, but it is still beautiful. Your hair has always been beautiful. Now get dressed before he gets here. I'm going to grab your bands."

Loki groaned. "Not all of them. I don't know why those things were made to be so ridiculously heavy."

"They are to show your power and wealth. You only have to wear them for ceremonial purposes. Even then your parents often let you out of it. Put them on for now and once we get home you can forget all about them until the next time you are forced to have them placed on you."

Loki pulled on his pants with a sigh and waited on his bed for her to bring over the heaping piles of jewelry. He sighed in relief when she only brought over the bracelets and anklets.

"How much longer before he gets here?"

"I'm not sure but I believe we have some time. They eat breakfast a bit later here than we do in Jotunheim."

"Come here" he picked up the comb she had just used on him and motioned for her to sit in front of him. She gave an actual squeal of excitement and Loki had to chuckle again at that as he slowly worked the come through her hair getting out all of the, admittedly few, knots and tangles. "I don't know why you always react this way, it is hardly the first time I've combed your hair."

"No, but you almost never do it. It's so rare and calming."

"In my defense, we almost never have the time. We can barely get me ready in the morning. Perhaps we should attempt to split the time more equally."

"I could wake you earlier."

"Your funeral."

They both chuckled knowing neither one of them was willing to go through that hell.

"When you don't look presentable it's a true problem. You are a prince, you have to look as such. It is just pleasant for me to look nice. It is not truly necessary."

"If it is any consolation you always look amazing to me."

Amaya turned towards him to smile gratefully before turning back around. "Can I request something of you?"

"Will it make me mad?"

"I think you're calm enough right now for it not to."

"I hope you're right. I would hate to start the day by throwing a fireball at you. What is it?"

"Please, at least be polite to Prince Tony today." Loki groaned as soon as she said it. "You do not like him and you clearly do not want to like him but you could at least be cordial."

"Why should I do something like that?"

"For one it will stop him from hating you."

"That is the goal. I want him to hate me. I will be left alone for the rest of our marriage if he does."

"Are you sure? He does not seem the type to simply let it go when something frustrates him. Look at how long he was willing to argue with you yesterday about a small tour."

"Yes, he seems to be quite persistent, which is why it's a good thing I'm excellent at frustrating people. Name me a person I could not drive away if I truly wanted to."

"Me."

Loki didn't miss a beat. "He is not you. You love me."

"This is true but I believe he will be just as adamant on the point."

"He can be as adamant on his point as he wants. I will be adamant about mine." Loki put down the comb and stood from his seat only slightly annoyed. "I am not going to be nice. Your request has been denied. Your hair is all done."

Amaya sighed and walked over to the mirror without another word to see her hair brushed and braided laying flat against her head. Despite what they had just said she couldn't help but smile when she saw it.

"You should put up your enchantment now. He will be here at any minute."

Loki sighed but let the enchantment take him, waiting for Tony to arrive to bring him to the dining hall. He soon heard a knock on the door.

Tony was wearing black slacks and a red silk shirt. Loki was starting to wonder if these were the only colors he owned. He looked slightly startled to see him which didn't make sense seeing as how it was his room. There was a girl with him standing off to the side holding a leather-bound notebook in her hands and giving him a friendly but professional smile.

"Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were ready. I'll give you a few more minutes to finish getting up."

In his initial shock, Loki wasn't sure if he should be more surprised or offended at Stark's words. "What are you talking about? I am ready."

"You're not wearing a shirt."

"Jotun do not wear shirts."

"Really? Why not?"

"Why would we? I fail to understand why humans do."

"For warmth in the cold. I can see how that one obviously doesn't apply to you but we also wear them for modesty. Females wear them to cover their breasts because they're seen as sexual and males do the same because… I guess we just do."

"Sexual? Since when are breasts sexual?" Tony stared at him for a second blinking slowly as if he wasn't quite sure how to answer that. Or maybe he just thought that was a dumb question.

"You can derive sexual pleasure from them so they're often seen as sexual."

"You can derive sexual pleasure from most of your body parts if you know what you're doing."

"All of the female Jotun in the palace right now are wearing shirts." He looked to Amaya for help, who was indeed wearing the same style of white bandeau top from yesterday, but she simply shook her head at him.

"That is primarily for your comfort, not our own. Prince Loki is telling the truth, in Jotunheim breasts are not seen as sexual. It would be seen as more strange if I covered them were we back home."

"You humans may need to cover yourselves at all times but In Jotunheim we see no such need to be ashamed of our bodies."

Tony knit his eyebrows together in displeasure at the insult. He stared at Loki for just a second before he shook his head and tried one more time.

"You know what, I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot today or yesterday. Here, I'll take you to breakfast, we can get to know each other a little better while we eat. Where are your shoes?"

"Jotun do not wear shoes."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"What could be dangerous about it?"

"We wear shoes to avoid accidentally stepping on something and getting injured."

Loki nodded indulgently. "Yes well us Jotun have developed a new advanced method to help protect us from this worry. It's called looking where you're going."

An annoyed look immediately took over Tony's face, his attempts to be nice for the day done. "Breakfast is this way. Pay attention you're figuring out how to get back to your room I'm not dealing with you today."

Loki turned back and saw the annoyed glare Amaya was sending his way as Prince Tony and his associate turned and left without looking to see if they were with them. "Oh come now, he's marrying a Jotun. If he had picked up a book on our culture he would know these things."

She snapped at him. "You are both insufferable, and you both have a lot to learn about the others' people. Do not think just because he didn't know some things about your culture it makes up for the way you mock theirs." Amaya turned and left the room. Loki walked beside her to catch up with Tony who was far ahead of them and didn't seem to care whether or not they caught up.

All four monarchs were already there when they arrived at the dining hall. Their parents had conveniently left four empty seats together at the head of the table between the two families. Both of the princes walked over to them and sat down, their attendants between them, not saying a single word to each other. Tony was sure his parents meant for them to sit side by side but neither boy was not rushing to make that happen.

Large plates of food were set in front of them and Tony happily started stuffing their faces, avoiding conversation with Loki at all cost. He could feel his parents' eyes on him. He was sure Loki could feel his parents' as well but they both ignored the silent probing.

He was surprised at first when their parents didn't send them off to another bonding activity almost as soon as they sat down. He paused with his food when his mother slowly rose, all eyes falling on her as she smiled at the gathered families. Nobody else looked as surprised as Tony felt.

"We are happy to say that we have come to a favorable agreement and your bond will be sealed with a royal wedding in a few month's time. As is such, King Laufey and Queen Andora will return to Jotunheim to tell the people the joyous news of your coming union."

Tony could see Loki smirk slightly around his cup at the news that he'd soon be returning home.

"However," she continued "we both agreed that it would not be the best idea for you two to marry with your relationship being so new. As is such, we want you both to bond and get to know each other a bit better so that when you rule, you will do so together and in harmony.

"To give you both the time and environment you need to truly get to know one another, you will be sent to live together in a secluded area in the woods of Alfheim where you will look over and care for each other so that your bond can grow. You may each bring your most trusted attendant with you as well as one trunk of personal items of your choice but that is all and you will remain there until the day of the wedding."

Tony could hear Loki choke slightly somewhere near him on the drink he was still drinking and he could hear his parents call out to him in concern but he couldn't focus on it. It may have even made him laugh if it weren't for the screaming white noise currently going through his head. He felt Pepper shake him slightly but he was horrified to find his mother still wasn't done.

"You will be leaving for your trip tomorrow morning. You may spend the rest of the day packing and saying your goodbyes. Your chosen attendants will be given the means to contact the royal family in case of an emergency, however, you two will have no means to communicate with us or anyone else in the outside world besides each other. This trip is meant for you two to come together as a unit, and we have made all of the proper conditions to ensure that happens."

Loki turned to the queen, his face unreadable and his voice tightly controlled. "May I be excused?"

She nodded. "Yes, you may. Tony, you may also go. The both of you need to start packing."

Tony got up gratefully and practically raced out of the door, Loki following only a few paces behind him.

Tony stormed to his workshop, Pepper close behind, and immediately started digging around furiously for something to work on.

"Jarvis lock down the shop."

'Already done sir'

"Tony I-"

"Pep, just, don't. I don't even want to talk about it."

"Tony we need to talk about this, this is not healthy."

"Talk about what Pepper? What is there to talk about I'm being forced to go whether I want to or not and I don't want to!"

He put the tiny bot down rather hard.

"A cabin in the woods in Alfheim, are they serious! I could barely stand the two minutes I was around him when I picked him up for breakfast!"

Pepper sighed and sat down neatly on the edge of his bed. "That's exactly why they're sending you. You two can hardly be in the same room as each other. That's not good conditions for a successful political union."

"How is that my fault? You see how he acted earlier the guy's a jerk! He's the one who always wants to fight with or demean me every five seconds and all I try to do is be nice! Why am I being punished!"

"To be fair I did suggest that you might want to read a book on their culture before they got here."

Tony turned to her exasperated "I did read it!" Pepper gave him a skeptical look. "I skimmed it! Briefly... I was busy!!"

"With what?"

"I was fine-tuning Jarvis's code, it needed upgrading again!"

"Tony Jarvis is the most advanced computer system ever built, I'm sure he would've been ok without an upgrade again while you were reading the book."

"Whether I knew it or not he still would've tried to fight me!"

"I agree but you shouldn't be giving him easy opportunities to. I will admit he seemed like he can be a bit touchy but you're still betrothed and your parents still have a point. You can't run a kingdom as you are now. You need to learn to get along."

Tony glared at her and crossed his arms stubbornly. "You know what Pepper, fine. I'll be nice, I'll try to charm the little brat and make this marriage work, but when it fails and we're both miserable, I don't want to hear a single thing about what I could've done to make this work."

Pepper sighed. "I'm going to go pack your things. Do you want me to bring anything specific?"

Tony shook his head absently, completely exhausted even though the day just started. "Pack anything. It doesn't matter anymore."

Loki's red eyes narrowed dangerously at his parents when they suddenly entered his room. His father returned the look immediately. "Fix your face boy."

"Alone. In a cabin in the woods. In Alfheim! Are you joking!"

"We are quite serious Loki. You two need a chance to learn about each other and get along." That was his mother, sounding not at all willing to patiently deal with her son's protests.

"We could have learned about each other here! We didn't need to be cut off from the rest of the world in a region I'm sure neither of us is overly familiar with in order to do that!"

His father scoffed. "You two couldn't even go on a walk around the palace together yesterday, do you really expect us to believe you will actually try to learn about each other if we don't make you?"

"If I had known this would be the result I would've gone on the stupid thing!"

"It's not just about the tour Loki! There are other reasons why we feel you won't truly make an honest attempt at bonding with him unless we make you go on this trip."

"I don't care about your reasons! I don't care about stupid things like bonding! I have already agreed to marry him I do not know what more you want from me! I do not wish to go!"

"Enough Loki!" His mother's voice was deadly serious signaling the end of the discussion and warning him not to argue. "I don't care how you feel about this trip, you are a prince of the Nine Realms and you will act like one. You will go on this trip you will try to cooperate with Prince Tony and you will be nice and learn about him just as he will you and you two will both do everything in your power to make this marriage work. Do I make myself clear?" 

Loki and his mother glared at each other, fiercely trying to make the other back down but it was a losing battle and Loki knew it even before he started it. "Do I make myself clear Loki?"

"Crystal" he grumbled, his voice gravely with rage. His parents left, closing the door again behind them. Once they were out in the hallway Laufey turned to his wife.

"Do you think that was a bit harsh?"

"Would you rather we tried to coddle him about the situation?"

"We could've made it sound better."

Andora shook her head. "It would have made no difference to him. He has never liked being told what he will do, and we both know when his temper flares he can be a bit..."

The two heard a scream of anger come from behind the closed door and the sound of something heavy crashing heavily against a wall.

She sighed. "There was no version of this that didn't end with him being angry at us."

Andora and Laufey began walking down the hallway. "Do you truly believe this trip will help them bond?"

"I hope so, or else all of this will have been for naught." The two continued towards their rooms, wishing they felt a lot more certain about the future of their son's life.

They next day the two princes stepped out of the portal into the beautiful clearing in Alfheim. Loki wasn't sure what he had been expecting when he'd heard hidden cabin in the woods but this wasn't it. Everything there was beautiful, from the exotic colorful flowers to the pond with small animals drinking from it to the side, to the forest teeming with life around them, everywhere he turned was something to marvel at.

Loki loved nature, it was one of his favorite things. Back in Jotunheim he was known to frequent the frozen forests or to take walks along the quiet forgotten pathways of the tundra and a large part of him wanted to run out and explore the new and unknown space around him like he once did in his home when he was a child. The feeling of being one with the place around him would probably bring him joy, peace, and great clarity.

But that had been a long time ago and he wasn't here to enjoy himself, he had a job to do.

"Ok, I guess we should bring our stuff in unpack and-"

"I will be going to my room to rest. I do not wish to be disturbed for the duration of the day."

Tony glared at him. "Do you know what the word bonding means? Do I have to use it in a sentence for you?"

"I would rather bond with the wild animals roaming around in the woods circling this clearing than to bond with you."

"Go ahead be my guest. If you charm them as much as you charmed me they'll even get a free meal out of all of it."

"I can defend myself just fine, much better than you mortal. You're the one who needs your little toys to be safe." Loki pointed to the gun at Tony's hip.

"Don't even try it. You'd probably be as threatening as a kitten if you didn't have your magic."

"Well unlike you and your toy, you can't take my magic away."

Tony took a step threateningly towards Loki, eyes narrowed. "Give me an afternoon, I bet I could figure it out. Let's see how big you feel then."

Loki was baring his teeth at him as soon as the words were out. "Touch my magic and you die Stark."

"Let's go inside!" The two boys turned surprised to hear Pepper's cheerful voice. A polite charming smile on her face. Tony rolled his eyes in annoyance and Loki gave his signature scowl but Tony's hand started to slowly lower itself from where it was inching towards his holster.

"I'm going to my room. I know you're hard at hearing so I'll say it one more time for you Stark, I do not want to be disturbed for the rest of the night." Without another word, Loki stomped off towards the house, Amaya following close behind him rolling her eyes.

Tony slowly turned to Pepper. Her happy helpful smile had faded into a deep glare aimed at him. "He start-"

"I don't want to hear it." Tony sighed.

When he got to the house a second later still mad, Amaya was sitting in the living room looking through a black binder.

"Hey. Sorry for almost trying to shoot your friend a little bit ago."

To his surprise, she just shrugged. "You wouldn't be the first. Or the second. Probably not the hundredth."

"He makes enemies a lot?"

"You could say that."

"Why aren't you with him? I thought you were always together."

"He wants to be alone right now and as I'm sure you could guess, he can be quite irritable when disturbed when he's mad. He's not very happy about this whole arrangement right now."

"Could've fooled me. Here I thought marriage was his thing." Amaya shrugged.

"He doesn't mind the marriage part. He doesn't particularly want to but he will if it is required of him. He just doesn't want to get to know you. Everyone's insistence on the two of you doing so is driving him up a wall. Your own stubbornness on the subject is also not helping."

"How come?"

"He doesn't like people."

"Why not? What happened to make him that way?"

"Why do you assume something happened?"

"No one completely shuns all other possibilities of friends or love or even positive contact without something happening to them to make them hate those things."

"If you truly feel something occurred, you can ask him about it yourself."

"And percentage-wise, what are the chances he'd tell me?"

"Being generous? Negative five."

Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well I doubt this marriage will last long if all we have is anger and resentment. How do I get to know him?"

"You don't," Amaya said it as if it was the simplest thing in the world but Tony kept staring at her expecting more.

"There has to be a time in the day when he's not like this or something he likes that we can bond over or something."

"It's not that simple. Loki doesn't like you. He does not want to get to know you and you will not be able to force him to. If you want to have any hope of you two getting along, Loki has to decide he wants to cooperate with you and learn about you himself."

"Ok so how do I convince him of that?"

"Once again, you don't. If you had that type of power over him this trip wouldn't be necessary."

"So then what do I do!"

"Your best bet is to latch onto any form of connection he gives you no matter how small but that's very unlikely to happen."

"So you're saying that most likely, by the time this is over, this trip will have just been a giant waste of time, neither of us will have bonded and we'll probably hate each other even more."

"Yes."

Tony looked down the hallway towards the bedroom where Loki had undoubtedly disappeared and shook his head.

"Look, I'd love to leave it at that and just use these next few months as a free vacation, that would probably make me much happier, but somebody made me promise that I would actually try if only to prove that this marriage failing isn't my fault when it does eventually happen, so I don't care how pissy he is right now, I'm going to go talk to him."

Tony started to walk off in the direction of the bedrooms where Prince Loki was. "Wait, Tony," he turned back to look at Amaya "Did you bring any armor with you?"

"Yeah?"

"I suggest you put it on."

Loki was pissed off still. When Stark decided to antagonize him earlier, he had been more than willing to shoot him and put all of this bonding and the entire trip at large to rest. He decided it would be best to calm himself down. A war with Midgard would be nasty for his people.

It was a simple fact of life that when Loki was meditating it was not a good idea to disturb him. So when he heard someone coming into the room, he opened his eyes swiftly, completely ready to eviscerate whoever it was that just walked through that door. Sure enough, it was Stark.

"I want to talk to you."

"No." Loki closed his eyes again expecting the conversation to be over but when he didn't hear the door close again to signal Stark's exit he opened them again to see the man still standing there looking at him with his arms crossed across his chest and a stubborn look on his face that was beginning to awaken Loki's homicidal tendencies. "What do you want."

"I already told you what I want. I want to talk to you."

"Which part of I don't want to be disturbed was too complex for your small mortal brain to comprehend! Do I need to use smaller words! I already told you no!"

"I wasn't taking requests."

Loki growled in annoyance. It was the only warning Tony was going to get at this point.

"Look, I know you don't like me, obviously, and I think you should know I find you extremely annoying as well," off to a great start "but we are still going to be married and we were still sent here for a reason. We don't have to like each other and we definitely don't have to love each other but we do have to find a way to work and cooperate."

"I have no need to cooperate with you. When we are married, I will handle all of the affairs and duties of Jotunheim and you can deal with all of the problems of Earth. When our children come of age, they will be given both thrones and they will unite them and rule them together as one."

"So you would rather we hate each other for our entire marriage rather than just trying to make this work? Wouldn't you rather be happily married?"

"I do not care about stupid things like the idea of a happy marriage or love. I don't need them I don't expect them I quite frankly don't even want them. What I wanted was to inherit my throne and to look over my people before eventually having a child through some concubine who would then also be raised to love Jotunheim and its people, and who would one day take over the throne themselves. That's what I wanted. Instead, I get you and involvement in a political affair not of my own making the origins of which date back centuries ago but that I am now responsible to fix!"

"Hey, I'm not too thrilled about this whole thing either! I don't want to marry you in case you haven't noticed but neither of us has a choice!"

Loki closed his eyes again ignoring the seething look of anger on Tony's face and the way his fists were steadily clenching and unclenching. He let out a cry of rage and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Good, Loki though. He needed some peace and quiet anyways but it didn't last long as Tony quickly reappeared, throwing the door open harder than needed and making it crash against the wall on purpose just to annoy him.

"If you have a death wish I will happily grant it for you." He opened his eyes again and stared in shock at Tony walking into the room with one of his strange contraptions carrying his trunk. "What are you doing!"

"I'm putting my stuff away what does it look like! You want to sit alone and sulk do it somewhere else I have unpacking to take care of."

"Unpacking? What are you doing it in here for! I already claimed this room!"

Tony paused where he was sitting over his clothes and turned to him annoyed. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how I've already picked this room, are you dense! Pick another!"

"There is no other room! This house has three bedrooms! There's one for each of the girls, who do you think that leaves this room to?"

Three rooms? They sent him to a place with three rooms? He was going to have to share?

"No! Absolutely not! I do not share! I don't care how the house was supposed to be set up, find another room!"

"Listen here frostbite, I don't know if you came from a place where everyone did what you said, but that ends now! We're not doing that! You can't and won't demand me to do anything, I don't care what it is, and I don't have to listen to you! There are three bedrooms! This one is meant to be shared and we're sharing it so if you think you're too good to share a room with somebody else, I suggest you get off of your high horse and get over it and stop being such a whiny spoiled little brat!"

Loki's eyes narrowed dangerously. The room temperature dropped ten degrees.

The glow of magic around Loki's hands was Tony's only warning that he should get out of the way. Now. He threw himself to the side just in time to avoid the sudden blast of magic sent his way. He quickly drew his gun and fired a shot off at Loki who dodged it quickly.

Tony slid down low behind one of his trunks and lifted up to quickly fire three shots in Loki's direction on the bed. Loki jumped behind the bed interrupting the defensive spell he was in the middle casting to protect himself from Tony's bullets. Tony silently listened for any signs of movement. He saw something fly out from behind the cover of the bed and he quickly rose up from behind his cover and shot at it, only realizing too late as the two bullets landed that it was a pillow.

He cursed and jumped away from the safety of his trunk as Loki fired at him still behind the bed. Tony slid across the floor and fired a few more times at Loki. He quickly dove to the floor and avoided the bullets immediately lifting his magic-covered hand in defense.

They were both staring at each other, rage in their eyes, with a clear shot at point-blank range. They both stood up weapons trained on each other the entire time.

"Do it," Loki growled in response putting his hand to the side of Tony's head looking like he really might shoot him.

Tony pressed his gun closer to Loki's head almost flush against his temple and screamed. "Come on! Do it!"

Loki was breathing heavily, eyes blown wide in anger. "Do it!"

"Oh my gosh!"

"What are you doing!"

Tony and Loki were suddenly being pulled away from each other by a pair of familiar hands grabbing each of them. Tony didn't even turn to look at Pepper, he could barely hear her telling him to put the gun down.

"I'm not lowering it until he lowers his first!"

"Not on your life mortal."

"Stop! This is madness, both of you! I am going to count to three and when I get there both of you are going to lower your weapons am I clear!" Tony and Loki didn't say anything back to Amaya instead continuing to glare at each other for a few more seconds. "Am I clear!"

Slowly both boys nodded, weapons still at the ready. "One. Two. Three!"

They both slowly lowered their weapons, Tony putting down his gun and Loki letting the magic dissipate from his hand. He was breathing heavy and he was faintly aware of Pepper dragging him from the room towards the kitchen saying they were going to have a talk but he barely noticed it. All he could pay attention to was the matching look of cruelty sitting in Loki's eyes. 

Chapter Text

"Are you ok did he hurt you?"

Those were the first words out of Pepper's mouth. As soon as they reached the kitchen she was immediately fussing over him, checking every part of his body to make sure he was ok not trusting that it wasn't injured until she saw it with her own eyes first.

"I'm fine Pepper seriously stop! I didn't get hit we just..." He had almost shot the crown prince of Jotunheim. He had almost been shot. If either one of them had actually pulled the trigger...

Tony had never been so grateful that Pepper wasn't much of a crier. He could let someone rant it all out until they started to feel better but someone falling over on themselves tears running down their face, that was a bit beyond him.

"This kind of stuff cannot happen Tony! You could have actually died! How did this situation even get to this place? What happened!"

Tony winced slightly. "So you're not going to love this but he was acting like a baby and refusing to share the room made for two people. I may have then yelled at him and told him he was behaving like a spoiled brat. I also think I called him frostbite."

Pepper turned to stare at him looking like she was starting to shift slightly from frantic and panicked to angry. "So, your response to the overpowered mage with anger management issues when he said he didn't want to share a room was to insult him?"

"He still shouldn't have shot at me!"

"No Tony he shouldn't have but why didn't you just leave the room! It's been a day, not even a full one, and you two are trying to kill each other. I know you two were supposed to get to know each other. Part of me can't help but feel wrong for letting you two escape this trip, but I think we need to call the king and queen and tell them you can't stay."

"And tell them what?" Tony threw a hand weakly into the air in frustration trying to grasp the answers from there, the other one trying to rub the headache away from his temple. "What are you going to tell them when they want to know why the trip was cut so short? That I almost killed Loki? That he almost killed me? Those are acts of war Pep!"

"We can't stay here like this! I don't know we just..."

Pepper shook her head fully, her usual calm collected demeanor completely gone. She walked over to the kitchen cabinet with a long sigh of her own and grabbed out a glass and a bottle of wine pouring it with shaking hands and downing it all in one gulp before pouring another.

"Honestly," Tony said still trying to ignore the fact that he needed to get himself together after what happened "I'm surprised you're not yelling at me more for this."

"Oh, no trust me I still have more to yell at you about." She glared at him. "If the girl who's known him his entire life says leave him alone next time just leave him alone. Luckily for you checking to make sure you're ok comes before lectures."

"Hey how was I supposed to know 'he'll be upset' meant murder?"

"She told you to put your armor on that should've told you something. I thought he would just try to punch you."

"And you were going to let that happen!"

"As I said, when the person who's known him his whole life says don't go back there, you shouldn't go back."

Pepper sighed and drank some more wine. She smoothed out the invisible creases in her dress and took a deep breath.

"I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"To talk to Amaya. I'm going to handle things."

"We're not going to war are we?"

"We would be well within our rights to do so but no, I don't think we are. They will definitely not want to inform their king and queen about this incident and we won't tell your parents either. Our two realms fighting would do neither of us any good."

"Wait, are we in the position to make any other demands?"

Pepper hesitated. "Yes, but they'd have to be reasonable and something they could provide without having to call back to their home realm. We don't want word of this getting out, ever."

"This is something they can provide. They don't need to call on anyone to do it."

Tony watched as Pepper headed off towards the master bedroom with Tony's small list of demands, looking determined and confident. Tony knew she was right to feel that way, they held all the cards in this situation. He grabbed the rest of the bottle for himself and sat down at the small table to wait.

Loki could feel Amaya's hands move away from where they'd been holding him back but he could barely feel it. The only thing he could focus on was his hate and his rage.

"What is wrong with you."

Loki turned around suddenly at Amaya's words. He'd almost forgotten she was here, standing with her arms crossed and focused completely on him. Loki had seen Amaya pissed off many times in their years together but this was different.

"They will wage war on us over this!"

"No, they will not. They have too much at stake with this union, they will not want to end it."

"They will not want you to end their son's life either, something you have now tried to attempt."

Loki finally started to realize the full impact of what had just happened and turned to Amaya, face grim.

"What are you going to do?"

The two stared at each other for a few moments, neither one saying anything.

Amaya heard a knock on the door. She quickly went to go answer it and was glad to see Pepper standing on the other side of the door. Just the person she needed to see.

"Hello, Amaya. I believe we have some things to discuss regarding the incident from earlier."

She spoke about it as if it happened so long ago when in reality it has only been about thirty minutes. Nevertheless, Amaya nodded.

"Yes, I believe we do but before we do, I would like to apologize on his behalf for Prince Loki's actions. There are no words to express how much I regret this happening. If there's anything that can be done to make this situation right, we will gladly do it."

Pepper didn't give any reaction to Amaya's words, she simply nodded.

"I do believe we have some things to talk about then. Tony and I both have some demands to be made to ensure a situation of this magnitude should never happen again."

Amaya didn't even look back at Loki before she closed the door and left the room. As soon as they were outside the room Amaya turned to her expectantly.

"Despite the day's earlier incident, Prince Tony still wants to get to know Prince Loki. He is demanding your help in making this happen."

Amaya was surprised. "Why does he still want to get to know him? I understand Midgardian marriages normally carry a different connotation but surely they are not this strong."

"No you are correct, they aren't. I'm sure in the beginning Tony persisted in an attempt to genuinely get to know Loki, but at this point, he is simply being stubborn."

"That is something they both have in spades then. However I agree, I believe they should get to know each other, but Loki has not had anyone in his life besides me and his parents for a very, very long time."

"What about his friends, other associates, anyone?"

Amaya shook her head no. "No one except for me and his parents. As such, his reintroduction to having to be around people, especially against his will, will have to be handled with some delicacy. If you are willing to listen, I can propose some plans that, I believe, may work out to their mutual benefit. It will allow Tony to get to know him at a pace that will prevent Loki from becoming hostile."

Pepper thought about it for a second before nodding. "Ok, we will discuss that then, but before that, I had a demand of my own I wanted to make before I would feel comfortable letting Tony continue on with this trip and if it not met, I am afraid I will have to insist upon returning him home and informing the king and queen why I do not think this union will work."

Amaya sat back and listened, her eyes widening slightly as she looked back at the room where Loki was still sitting.

Tony, Pepper, Loki, and Amaya were all in the living room sitting in a circle looking deadly serious. As soon as Loki sat down, a safe distance away from Tony, Amaya made sure, she stood up and cleared her throat slightly to get ready for the long list of things that need to be said. 

"I am not one to beat around the bush especially in situations such as this, so I will start. First, on behalf of the Jotun kingdom, King Laufey, and Queen Amora, and on behalf of Prince Loki I would like to extend my sincerest apology to the Midgardian kingdom for his actions. There are no words I can say to justify or rectify this situation, I know, but I deeply regret what happened here today and I will not allow it to happen again."

Pepper and Tony silently nodded, letting Amaya continue. Suddenly, she turned to look directly at him.

"Secondly, I would like to extend a second more specific and personal apology to Prince Tony on behalf of Loki for causing such an incident and also from myself for letting it get this far. I wanted to let Loki handle this as he saw fit even though I didn't approve of his methods. Still, I trusted him and didn't stop him earlier when I saw his attempts to drive you away. I am truly sorry for that."

She paused again to receive their nods but this time Tony hesitated. "Why didn't you prevent this sooner? I can't be the only person he acts this way with. There had to be some kind of precedent that would've shown you he would flip."

She shook her head. "No, there isn't. There is no one besides me outside of the royal family who is close to Prince Loki. You are the only person who has ever had to be around. This has all been quite new for both of us.

"In order to satisfy your desire to interact with Loki, he will be giving you lessons about the culture and life of Jotunheim. It is after all one of his favorite subjects and though I'm sure he will not love the circumstances, I am also sure they will not stop him from wanting to talk about his home."

Loki scoffed, showing just how much he agreed with that statement.

"Prince Loki, you will be working with Prince Tony to learn how to acclimate yourself to other people's presence. These two agreements will satisfy the first demand made to give Prince Tony the chance to know his future husband. Prince Tony, do you agree?"

Tony nodded immediately, completely satisfied with the terms. "Is that all then? Are all of the terms of our agreement taken care of?"

Amaya shook her head. "No. There is one more demand that must first be satisfied." Amaya walked over to stand in front of Loki. Amaya was shorter than Loki by at least a head but somehow, standing in front of him the way she was, she looked a lot more menacing than she should have.

"Prince Loki, you have attacked an innocent man unprovoked and used your powers in the pursuit of greed and chaos. Hold out your hands."

"What for?" Loki looked a lot less than compliant. His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Loki, I am not fighting with you over this. You have gotten yourself into this situation, you will get yourself out of it." Amaya's hands glowed with magic and Tony saw something touch Loki's eyes that if he didn't know better he would've said was fear.

"Amaya I cannot-"

"You can and you will Loki. You've brought this on yourself, it needs to happen."

"Let me repay them another way! Let me handle this-"

"I have tried to let you handle this situation yourself and it got us here! Hold out your hands Loki, please. It is what a good king would do."

Something in Loki's gaze shifted from resistance to quiet, angered submission. With a resigned look of utter defeat, Loki held out his hands to Amaya who took them, her magic glowing around them softly.

It didn't seem like anything was happening. Then, slowly, Loki's human skin began to fade leaving his Jotun skin in its place. He suddenly looked like he was about to collapse. The entire process took less than a minute but by the end of it, the two both looked completely drained, emotionally and physically.

Finally, Amaya took her hands away and Loki sagged the slightest bit before righting himself again and looking at Amaya in despair who was looking back at him with the same sad look.

"Prince Loki of Jotunheim, you have hereby been stripped of all of your magic as well as all of your rights and status as a mage."

The house didn't calm down until much later after that. Loki went to the room as soon as Amaya was done announcing that he was no longer a mage. He wasn't sure what the look on his face meant when he saw it but Tony decided he would actually give him some personal space this time.

Amaya and Pepper hammered out the finer points of the deal, acting as the official representatives of their respective realms. Despite the secretive nature of everything, they both decided the fair and right thing to do would be to make an official contract sealing the whole arrangement.

Tony went back to the kitchen to get a drink. Hours later Pepper reappeared, joining him where he sat.

"Well," Pepper said taking off her shoes and finally relaxing now that they were alone "that went well."

"For who?"

"For us." Pepper poured herself a third glass of wine and sipped it a lot slower than the other two, almost as if in victory. "You have an interesting day tomorrow. You should get some sleep."

Tony scoffed. "That's one word for it."

"Let's hope it just stays interesting and doesn't take a turn for the deadly."

Deciding to take her own suggestion, Pepper scooped her heels up and headed off to her room. After another hour of sitting out on the couch and going through different projects, Tony decided to do the same.

It was definitely late by now. The entire household was asleep. Tony's only company this late was the moon. He got up and started heading towards his room when suddenly he heard something that made him pause. He looked up slightly, hearing the sound again not entirely sure if he was correct in his guess of what it was.

He slowly crept past his room. He rounded a corner and paused. It was Amaya's bedroom door He could hear her quiet sobs coming through the door.

He wanted to help her, but he knew better than to try. What could he say? What could he do that would make any of this better? There was no fixing this, and she knew it.

With his heart in his throat, he slowly snuck back down the hallway. He braced himself for the emotional onslaught, prepared to fight if Loki was feeling hostile but to his surprise when Tony opened the door, Loki was fast asleep. Tony had to pause and stare a while. He was breathtaking.

His Jotun skin was still out. He hadn't seen it since the day Loki arrived in the palace. The large bay window had a  perfect view of the moon and the soft white rays fall on his skin. Tony couldn't help but mentally trace all of Loki's lines and markings, the ones that were above the blanket line anyways.

He didn't understand how someone who had tried to murder him and had just gone through what probably counted as one of the most emotional things in his life could look so peaceful. Suddenly, Tony realized that Loki wasn't completely stationary where he was sleeping. He was moving, just slightly. A small twitch here, a shake there.

Tony crept a little bit closer and realized that his previous statement wasn't quite correct. He was twitching a lot. His face wasn't as peaceful as it looked from afar. It was scrunched up and contorted into horrible expressions.

Each one only lasted a second before his face relaxed but it was quickly followed by another. Worry lines were making their way across his brow and he was breathing fast, murmuring something Tony couldn't hear. He was having a nightmare.

Well, he supposed, anyone could get nightmares. The question now for Tony was, should he wake Loki from his. Loki's breathing was getting even more erratic now, his flailing gestures getting a little wilder.

Whoever it was his imagination was fighting, he wasn't winning and whatever was happening to him right now, it looked like it hurt. With his face contorted the way it was, his breathing getting faster and faster coming in gasps and his body twitching uncontrollably, he looked like he was being tortured.

His hand reached out slowly to shake Loki but it stopped mid-way. He remembered Loki's hand covered in magic and sitting right against the side of his head. Loki no longer had his magic but he wasn't harmless either.

His hand paused halfway to Loki's shoulder. He looked so scared like he was hurting. If he woke him up, Loki might try to kill him again and this time, he might succeed. Tony pulled his hand back and swallowed hard, pushing all of those feelings away. He was paying the consequences for his actions, it was fair.

Tony slowly walked out of the room and headed back to the living room. He would sleep on the couch. There was no problem with that, they were all still getting used to the sleeping arrangements. Give it a few weeks' time and letting everything settle over, everything would all be ok for all of them.

That's what Tony kept telling himself. After all, it was an everyone wins situation. He lay there, thinking about the one crying Jotun and the other trapped in his own head, and closed his eyes. Everyone wins.

The next day everyone sat in the living room, waiting for the first-ever Jotun history class with varying levels of curiosity and concern that rolled off of each of them in the tense, uncomfortable room.

 Loki was sitting at the head of the group all eyes on him. He looked agitated. He was practically vibrating with chaotic energy. He gave a long-suffering sigh, his forehead was resting in one hand, eyes closed with the other massaging his temple.

Tony suddenly realized he looked slightly less put together today than yesterday. His hair was up in a bun again but it was slightly messier than it was before, almost as if he'd done it himself.

"I suppose the best place to start would be from the beginning. Do you know the story of how the Jotun came to be as a people?"

"No."

"Of course you don't." Tony rolled his eyes. Loki just kept going, ignoring him entirely. "There was a giant named Ymir that was the first to exist in Ginnungagap, an ancient place of evil and chaos. As he slept one night the first giant and giantess were born from his armpits and his toes fornicated to form a monster with many heads.

"The three of these creatures, his children, then procreated to form all of the other giant races that would populate the nine realms until Ymir was slain and the realms were bathed with his blood, killing off all of the giants in the land until Bergelmir and his wife, the only two to survive, repopulated the race. All living giants are said to be direct ancestors to them."

"Wait, stop. You're telling me, someone gave birth from their armpits and his toes had a kid on their own and that those kids slept with each other and that's where giants come from?"

"According to the legends, yes."

"Do you believe that?"

Loki finally opened his eyes, his annoyed glare falling heavily on Tony. "Does it matter what I believe in this situation?"

"Loki."

Loki turned to where Amaya had spoken and saw the look in her eye. A small silent conversation passed between them, both of them looking very awkward during it before Loki sighed and closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath.

"No, I do not believe that. Creatures evolve and grow to meet the needs of the current environment. I am sure that the Jotun are just the same. Life evolved and instead of having the characteristics of the other races, we developed to be blue, resistant to cold, and strong to combat the difficulties of Jotunheimer's environment."

"What about the-" Tony cut himself off immediately. It was probably not best to bring up any matters dealing with magic right now.

Everyone stared at him waiting for him to finish his question. Tony scrambled to find something to say to fill the gap.

"Your markings. Where do those come from?"

"They are to tell family and tribe. The marks on a Jotun's back represent maternity, while the ones everywhere else represent paternity. Any Jotun seeing me would know I was a part of the royal family, even if they didn't know what the prince of the realm looked like."

"So nobody else has your exact markings?"

"No, not even in my own family. While the markings on a Jotun can be used to tell parentage, every Jotun still has slightly different marks from anyone else. We are all unique."

Suddenly the science side of Tony's brain had a lot of questions.

"So are you completely resistant to the cold?"

"In my Jotun skin yes. It is theoretically possible to artificially create a temperature cold enough to freeze even a Jotun but certainly, nothing naturally occurring would do it and any artificial temperature would certainly kill the person trying to make it before it could be useful."

"So cold has no effect on you. What about the heat?"

All of a sudden Loki tensed, body going completely rigid, and burning red eyes pointed directly at him. Amaya from her spot on the couch was stiff as a board, defensive spell at the ready in her hands, and pointed at Tony where it could hopefully reach him before Loki pulled him apart.

"Why do you want to know that?" Tony's eyes widened at how rough Loki's voice sounded, eyes narrowed into slits and pointed dangerously at him. Tony slowly tried to reach as calmly as possible towards the gun on his hips but Loki could see every move he made and he looked like he was barely managing to stay in his chair.

"Loki." Once again Loki turned to Amaya, the desperation in her voice breaking his anger. He released it, the furniture disfigured and warped beyond all recognition in the places he had been holding it, and took yet another, longer and much harsher deep breath before turning his glaring eyes back on Tony, though this time looking a lot less murderous thankfully.

"I didn't think I'd have to answer something as obvious and elementary as that but since you can't seem to figure it out for yourself, no Jotun don't like heat."

Everyone was tense. Loki still looked ready to attack. Amaya still looked like she was worried and Tony's hand was still sitting millimeters away from his gun. Nobody moved.

"I think" Pepper finally said, "that is a good place to stop for the day."

Amaya quickly nodded in agreement. "Why don't we take a small break before we start with the next lesson? I will come grab you when Loki is ready to continue."

He found it a bit strange that they were talking about Loki as if he wasn't right there but as he glanced at Loki, he seemed like he was a million miles away. He nodded to Amaya and quickly rushed back towards his room, happy to leave the room and the murderous frost giant sitting there behind.

Tony sat back and started working on his projects. Being on 'vacation' still didn't stop his job as the leading weapons designer for the entire realm. When he returned he had some prototypes he had to show his father.

It wasn't long before Amaya came to get him. When he exited the room and she didn't immediately start walking towards wherever Loki was, he turned to her expectantly, already half guessing what she had to say.

"I know you wanted to get to know Loki but you have to understand this is a very delicate situation. You must treat it as such."

"He's not used to being around people, got it." He honestly felt like he'd heard this explanation so many times, he didn't even know what it was supposed to mean. Not being around people doesn't normally mean shoot them upon annoyance but hey, who was he to point that out.

Amaya shook her head. "I don't think you fully understand what I mean when I say that but nevertheless, your request will be fulfilled. Follow me, and don't say anything."

Amaya led him away from the room and towards the living room where Loki was sitting, legs crossed hands gently resting on his knees meditating. Tony sat down on the couch next to Amaya silently.

He expected her to speak, to draw Loki's attention, to do something to tell him that they were there but she simply crossed her legs as well and closed her eyes, matching his pose as she also began to meditate.

As soon as the peaceful silence overtook the room he felt the need to move. Seeing the both of them sitting silently doing nothing was not helping. He was sure Amaya meant for him to sit peacefully with them but the very thought was driving him up a wall. Eventually, Amaya noticed his restlessness and cracked her eyes open to check on him.

"Um hi," he leaned over to her, whispering as low as he could sure Loki could still hear them. "What am I supposed to be doing?"

"Well, I am meditating as is Loki. I suppose the best thing for you to do would be that."

"I don't meditate." His tone left little room for argument and he was sure she would've responded with something immediately but before she could they both heard a small grunt from Loki. His look of concentration wavered a bit as his brow wrinkled and he fought to bring his breathing back to neutral. Tony couldn't help the instinct to once again look for a defensive position and reach for his gun.

After it was clear his breathing was back under control, Amaya continued, voice even lower than before. Tony douted it helped. "You do not have to meditate if you do not wish. However, whatever you do, make sure it does not make any sound or cause any disruptions and make sure you stay in the room. Do not make him open his eyes. Beyond that, I do not care."

"How is this helping him adjust to people? He's not even doing anything."

"It'll help. Trust me."

Amaya closed her eyes and began meditating again, not speaking another word to Tony for the rest of the hour. A whole hour. Of sitting quietly and doing nothing. When the time was up and Tony was free to go he practically ran from the room, eager to move again in any capacity and wanting to make noise just because. That was the most painful hour he had ever experienced.

He sat back and thought about the day he'd just had. His first Jotun history class almost ended badly and his first day of helping to reintroduce Loki to society left him practically crawling out of his own skin.

He wasn't sure if he really wanted to do any of this anymore. If it weren't for the threat of war, Tony would have Pepper take him from this place today. As it was, the way both of his classes went today did not fill him with much hope for the future.

Back in the living room, Loki was still meditating, his body finally relaxing now that Tony was gone. He could feel it the second Tony walked into the room and he could feel it the second Tony left. He didn't understand how one human could have such a limited understanding of the word quiet.

"You did well. I know that wasn't as easy as you wanted to pretend."

He gave a small huff at Amaya's words and focused back in entirely on his meditation, finally at peace at last. She was right, that hadn't been easy. The second Stark walked in the room every instinct in Loki's body wanted to pounce and attack or at least take himself out of his very vulnerable position, but like Amaya told him to before she went to grab Tony he focused on his breathing and tried to relax.

He could feel the human's constant need to reach for his weapon to protect himself. It was understandable but it definitely wasn't helping his own instincts to get rid of the threat. Still, as he finally reached his center and calmly breathed in and out, once again at peace, he pats himself on the back. He didn't attack the human, good job for him.

It was the first time he had let someone other than Amaya be around him while he was meditating for thousands of years.

Chapter Text

"Loki I'm here to help get you ready."

"No thank you Amaya I'll prepare myself today."

He heard the hesitation again as she left the door but once again he didn't stop her or call her back. He ran a hand across his face. He knew he was starting to get dark circles under his eyes, he'd gotten about as much sleep tonight as he had last night. He wanted to sleep more but every time he closed his eyes the nightmares...

Normally he would use a spell on himself to quiet his mind before he slept. He had been using the same spell to help him sleep restfully since he was young. He didn't know how to quiet his brain enough to sleep safely without it, and now he wasn't ready to learn.

At least Stark wasn't there. A small mercy considering the situation. Loki wasn't sure he could handle seeing Stark in the bed beside him when he woke up. Luckily for him when he woke up both days his betrothed was nowhere in sight.

Unfortunately for him, whether he was in bed or not, Loki was still going to be forced to spend a significant part of his day with him. Loki sighed as he got up, heading for the bathroom to take his shower.

His skin was still practically crawling from yesterday. The class had been bad enough, both his ignorance and his audacious questions annoying Loki to the nth degree. It was an insult for him to have to teach about something as wonderous as his culture to someone who didn't want to get it. If Tony really wanted to know anything about Jotunheim he could have learned it on his own by now.

That still paled in comparison to when Tony had joined him while he was meditating. Stark was not a very considerate person, he could tell that by the way Tony repeatedly ignored Loki's boundaries. He didn't care about the whims and desires of others, he simply tried to force his will onto others, so Loki wasn't surprised at how bad he was at understanding his situation.

How is this helping him adjust to people? He's not even doing anything.

Loki was really not looking forward to that class happening again. Everything about that situation had put everything in Loki on red alert. His immediate urge as soon as Tony walked in was to attack, defend himself. He was in a vulnerable position with his eyes closed and his reaction time was slowed down. On top of that, he could feel the hostility coming off of the human at all times and it wasn't helping.

The human said he did nothing. He did more in that one hour not attacking than he had ever done in his short meaningless life. He never did reach his center again the entire time Tony was there, shifting around and fretting doing everything but be still.

All of this would have been bad enough on its own but on top of all of that, Loki's lack of magic made all of it worse. All of the wards, the defensive spells he usually had up, he had none of that. His magic was gone. There was only one thing in his entire life Loki trusted to keep him safe and look out for him and that was his magic. No matter what had happened in life, his magic had always been there for him and now it was gone.

He could barely stomach the realization even now on day two. His precious magic. It had been the thing in his life Loki loved above all other things. He loved his magic, he learned everything he could about it, it had even been something he could find great pride in. It was who he was. Everything about him was in some way connected to his magic, and now it was gone. He looked down once again at his Jotun skin and all he wanted to do was scream but he couldn't. He couldn't do anything to relieve this overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety without throwing the accord they had with the humans into jeopardy.

He missed his home. Everyone in Jotunheim knew that Prince Loki didn't like to be disturbed, ever. No one besides Amaya even tried to get close enough to him anymore, if something had to be said to him, given to him or demanded of him, it was left to Amaya and his parents to relay the message. Nobody else even bothered to approach him. It was lovely. He was at peace in his solitude, he always had control over his environment.

In those few times, he did get extremely annoyed and needed to calm down, he had so many options. He could go hunting, he could spar with Amaya, he could meditate, he could read, there were so many things he could do but not here. He couldn't hunt without his magic, he was avoiding Amaya like the plague, his books were stored in a pocket dimension he had no access to now, and meditating only caused him more frustration with the frantic and nervous emotions of the humans flying around at all times.

For the first time, he had no control. His emotions were running rampant and he had no way of fixing it. He was being forced to interact with someone he despised and he was for all intents and purposes powerless, and all because he had almost shot the stupid human.

That hadn't been his best move. Understatement of the year. He knew he was wrong and if he could go back he wouldn't have done it but he had a hard time regretting the decision considering everything that led up to it. All he wanted was some peace and quiet... He had been trying to avoid shooting Stark when he went inside but once again, as always, Tony didn't care about his need to calm down, his desire for personal space, his complete discomfort having to be around him like that.

That was why it was so hard to be nice to him. His attempts at being rude were no longer an attempt to drive him away. Now, he genuinely disliked Tony. He was selfish, inconsiderate, and completely unaware with an ego bigger than the sun. He only cared for himself, his own feelings his own desires his own fears, that was all he cared about. Maybe one could make a case that they were like pots and kettles, but Tony was still very much so a kettle. He hated it here more and more each day.

The only thing strong enough to keep him under control was Amaya's words echoing in his head. It's what a good king would do. He felt like he was crawling out of his skin the way all of this was affecting him, but he would not put his own feelings before Jotunheim's safety. Not again. Never again.

Loki pulled himself out of the shower and found a simple pair of black suede pants to put on today. He let his hair down. His attempts at doing put his har in a bun himself was a disaster. It was good considering he had never done it before, part of him had been surprised it turned out even that well, but it was not enough. All because he couldn't stand to be in the same room alone with Amaya.

Every time he was close to her he could still feel his magic hum. He could feel it reaching out to him, trying desperately to get back to its home and he couldn't do anything to get to it. It was screaming, he knew Amaya could feel the distress his magic expelled, matching Loki's inch for inch. It nearly drove him mad having it so close but completely inaccessible. It drove him up a wall. Honestly, he was sure Amaya thought he was sending her away because he was mad at her. The truth was he was never mad at her, unable to look at her due to the pure agony of knowing she had his magic, yes, but he was never mad. He just wasn't sure what he would do in a room with her alone with his magic screaming the way that it was. He would never hurt Amaya, but it couldn't do him any good to be near her with his mind deteriorating as it was.

So now, he had no one. His best friend was inaccessible and his parents were realms away. That left him. He would have to deal with this all alone, he would have to keep himself calm and try his best to not react to the overwhelming amounts of chaos around him. He wasn't sure how he was going to get through all of this in one piece but somehow he would and he would do it by himself. It's what a good king would do.

"Loki, it's time for the Jotun history lesson."

Loki took a deep breath. He stepped over to the mirror and checked that everything was in order one last time. As soon as he set foot outside of his room, he felt like he was in danger, his sweet precious control fading all around him as the all-encompassing feeling of chaos this house always exuded from its residents took over his senses. For everyone else, this trip was an annoyance and a bummer. For him, it was actual agony, but here he was, catering to the poor little human, trying to make him feel more comfortable with the situation to avoid a political disaster.

When he got to the living room, he saw everything set up much the same way as it had been yesterday. The girls were both sitting on one couch, Tony was sitting on the other and there was an armchair at the head of the furniture conveniently left open for him to occupy. He sat down gracefully, head held high as it always was, and looked at Tony.

"Let's get started so we can get this over with. Don't ask any stupid questions and we might get somewhere this time." Loki ignored the glare Tony shot him, completely uncaring of how the human felt about him.

"What is our topic for today frostbite?"

"After your complete failure yesterday to sit and listen about history, I figured we should move a bit more into more modern-day affairs. Maybe that will hold your attention enough for you to shut up."

"Maybe. Let's see." The tone he used wasn't very reassuring.

"Let's start with something simple. Jotunheim is a very harsh land with deadly predators and constant competition for resources. Because of this, the first Jotun relied heavily on each other to survive. Simply surviving isn't something Jotun really have to worry about anymore but the spirit of that still remains.

"Jotun are very collectivistic in nature. We tend to favor each other over all other realms in a crisis and we are very open with our resources when sharing them with each other. There are some different cultures throughout Jotunheim just like all other lands, but we don't vilify each other for our differences as you do. We use them to make ourselves stronger.

"Another consequence of our collectivistic nature, we tend to make decisions based on the group instead of just ourselves." He paused, dreading his next words even as he spoke them. "We do what is best for our people, not necessarily what is best for ourselves."

"So if you guys value teamwork so much, how did you-"

"Jotunheim also has very few enemies throughout the realms. The Aesir do not have much love for us, nor us for them. We were also enemies with humanity until recently, as you hopefully know. However, that is all history now and the only realm we still harbor resentment towards is the Aesir."

"Why's that?"

"Many reasons."

"Such as?"

"Such as reasons."

"Can you answer a simple question?"

"No. Can you figure out how to stop asking them?"

"No. Can you speak in a way that doesn't make you sound like a condescending jerk?"

"Yes, but if it continues to make you mad, I will gladly talk like this every day for the rest of our trip. Now stop speaking so we can get this lesson over with." Loki could start to feel the anger in Tony rising as the conversation went on and unfortunately for both of them, his own rose to meet it.

"No, I have questions. You're the teacher, answer them."

"You are beginning to annoy me Stark. Cease your whining."

"No, I have a question!"

"Ask someone who cares! It's bad enough I am being forced to endure your presence the contract said nothing about me having to deal with your voice and personality as well shut up or else-"

"What are you going to do blast me with your magic?"

"Loki."

Amaya spoke just in time, her voice cutting through the chaos in Loki's head and forcing him to draw his attention to her instead of Tony. He could see the defensive spell sitting waiting in her hands again. He could see the pleading look on her face, begging him not to react and he could feel his magic inside her reaching out to him reacting to his emotions, trying to comfort his distress, trying to escape Amaya to get back to him, trying to break past her physical vessel and being unable to and it hurt.

Loki stood abruptly and marched back towards his room, slamming the door behind him as he got there. He was sure Amaya would find some diplomatic way to handle the whole thing and the humans would write it all off saying something like he was rude and inconsiderate and combative.

They didn't care. They didn't care about the chaotic energy floating around Loki that he had no way of getting rid of thanks to them. They didn't know how painful it was just to be around them and they didn't care. They were just selfish.

Loki sat down on the bed folding his legs in on himself, trying desperately to center himself and failing rapidly.

He heard a firm knock at the door.

"What!"

"Loki Prince Tony is requesting your presence for your reacclimation. He said it would probably be best to get it all out of the way so you two can avoid each other properly for the rest of the day."

He would need days to settle down from his anger and frustration at these latest events. "I will be ready to start in a minute. Tell him what the meaning of the word quiet is."

Amaya hurried off to do as he asked while Loki took a few long hard deep breaths. Minutes later he was back in the living room, neither human anywhere to be found. He sat in his regular position and breathed slowly through his mouth, trying to bring himself as much calm as he could.

At this point he knew he wasn't going to reach peace, that was beyond him at this point. Right now he just needed to focus on not reacting to Tony in any way.

"Remember" he heard Amaya say, "focus on your breathing. If it becomes too much let me know and I'll adjourn the meeting immediately. I'll go get him and we'll be back in a minute ok?"Amaya didn't wait for his reply. She simply stood and left towards the direction where Tony was. Loki greedily took in the moment of silence, knowing it wouldn't last as soon as the human returned.

Loki could feel it the second they got back into the room. He could feel the instability and immediately clutched his hands together to prevent himself from getting up and going over to where Tony sat.

What are you going to do? Use your magic?

"So is meditating like a common thing in Jotunheim?"

What did this human not understand about silence? It wasn't a difficult word and yet he seemed incapable of it.

The hour came and went. As soon as the human was gone Loki retreated back to his room. This was what his days had become. Endless streams of torture to placate his future spouse that only end when he goes to sleep and enters the torturous world of his dreams. He had lost his freedom, his magic, and his best friend because of a marriage. If he were less prideful he'd break down and cry but he'd never do such a thing with these humans so close to him in the house.

Loki resigned himself to another day of fruitless attempts at meditation and a useless attempt at sleep, both of which he would continue to endure as they grew worse and worse and he lost what little was left of his sanity. All to placate Tony Stark, the Midgardian Prince and why? Why would he continue to suffer torture like this? Becasue it's what a good king would do. Long live the king.

Chapter Text

Every night Tony could hear Amaya cry herself to sleep from his spot on the couch. His urge to go say something, crier or not, was getting larger and larger as the days went on. He still couldn't bring himself to either get in bed with Loki or shake him awake from his nightmares, but every night he walked into his room looking at the bed and considering both. He refused every night.

Every day was filled with passive-aggressive comments from both sides and almost fights that threatened to level the house. Day one felt tense. Day whatever-it-was-now nobody in the house remembered what it was like to be in an atmosphere that wasn't stressful and combative. Tony wasn't sure he could cope once he got back to his home and he didn't have to walk on eggshells every second of every day anymore.

Every person had found their own ways to cope with the stresses of these days. Pepper had turned to work, planning all of Tony's appointments and presentations for the next year. Loki stayed in the room whenever he didn't have to be in one of his classes. Tony wondered briefly at one point if he ate but he certainly didn't look like he was starving so he just shrugged it off.

Tony worked on his weapons for his presentation to the security council and his father when he got back to Earth. Tony had always had a problem with overworking but this was worse than usual. In addition to that and all the other normal problems that came with his overworking, it was a double-edged sword. He worked late into the night, keeping himself up to work longer. It kept him grounded, helped remove him from the tension of the house by putting him in something else. Unfortunately, the lack of sleep that came with it didn't help his patience or his kindness when he was dealing with Loki throughout the day. In short, the lack of sleep made things easier for him and worse for everyone else.

They were only getting more and more vicious and Amaya was having a harder and harder time getting Loki to calm down each day but as long as she succeded, Tony didn't care. He had said some things so horrible he was fairly sure there was no danger. Even in the worst of times when it looked like he was really in danger, Amaya always managed to bring him back so he could either leave or calm down. It got so bad one night that Tony had to be taken away from the house on a walk through the forest while Loki calmed down. When he got back the living room had been ripped to shreds and Loki was in his room with the door locked tight. The was the worst it had been yet, but as far as Tony was concerned, Loki had managed to calm down enough to not hurt him so they were ok.

It was another night such as this where Tony was in his 'room', the living room working on one of his blueprints. A selfish part of him wished he could block out the sound of Amaya crying, not because it was distracting but because it made him feel just how sad this situation was for her and if there was one person in this house he felt bad for, it was Amaya. He was so used to the sounds he could tell when she was finally getting to the end of her tears.

He heard the softer cries that said she was about to be done for the night and he thanked the stars above for a minute as he welcomed the coming silence. Minutes later, said silence came. Then, he could hear something new. The sound of a door opening. He froze on the couch, not daring to move a muscle hearing footsteps on their way down the hallway and quickly approaching him.

The footsteps passed him a second later and the sounds of someone rustling around in the kitchen assaulted his ears. Now that she was closer, he could hear that she wasn't quite done crying yet. Little sniffles and whimpers still escaped her throat as she roamed around, loudly opening different cabinets and looking through them. Tony warred with himself for a second before he got up and slowly walked into the kitchen.

"Hey."

He hadn't meant to scare her but he should've realized approaching from the back wasn't going to put her at ease. Amaya turned quickly, a small amount of magic in her hand ready to attack. She dispelled it with a sigh when she saw who it was. She still stayed tense, looking somewhere between embarrassed and like she was looking for a way to run away, so Tony decided to just try again.

"Hi."

She hesitated slightly, still not entirely comfortable clearly but she calmed down the slightest bit now that she knew who it was. "Hi."

"What are you doing up."

"I was thirsty."

Lie of the century. Tony blinked slowly, letting his face show all the skepticism he felt. "...Riiiiiiight and I'm guessing by the look on your face you weren't currently looking for water."

She shrugged, looking away slightly, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. "Maybe."

Tony turned silently and walked over to one of the cabinets pulling out a bottle of aged whiskey and two glasses. Amaya stared at him the entire time, not missing a single move. He poured them each a drink and passed one of the glasses to her without a word.

She looked at it skeptically, taking it slowly. "How did you know where that was so fast?"

"It's my parents' house I know where the liquor is in all their houses."

"This house belongs to you?"

"Yeah what did you think a perfectly furnished cabin in the middle of Alfheim fell from the sky?" Tony threw back his drink not even bothering to sip it and looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to do the same. She looked at the drink like he might've poisoned it for a second, something she might have genuinely believed if she didn't see him pour and didn't see him pour his own from the same bottle and then drink it without a thought. She finally threw the drink back the same way Tony had and set the glass down and left the kitchen. Tony considered stopping her but let her go. After all it wasn't his place to stop her. He returned to bed and got back to work on his designs.

The next day she looked as put together and serene as she always did. She was a far cry from the girl Tony had seen the night before with tears in her eyes and her hair wrapped wildly around her like she'd been tossing and turning in bed but the next night, Tony once again heard the cries stop and the sound of a door opening and approaching footsteps. He debated with himself again for one second before he got up and decided to head for the kitchen himself to see her standing once again by the counters, a drink already poured in her hands.

He walked over silently and grabbed a glass of his own as well as a bottle. He poured his drink and raised it slightly tipping it in Amay's direction. She took a small sip, eye still looking completely distrustful before she returned the small gesture. The two finished their drinks in silence.

By the third day, Amaya didn't look surprised to see Tony coming into the kitchen. She just didn't acknowledge him and finished drinking her drink without consequence. By the tenth day, the silence was starting to feel a bit comfortable between them. By two weeks Amaya left the bottle out for him to pour himself a drink when he got there a few seconds after her. It wasn't until fifteen or sixteen days into their drinking ritual that one of them broke the silence.

"Why do you do this?"

"Do what?"

"Drink with me."

Tony wasn't surprised. He figured she'd ask eventually. He shrugged. "You're always crying yourself to sleep. figured a drink could at least help you sleep better."

She didn't respond to that. She quickly finished her glass and set it down returning to her room. At first Tony thought he had offended her, he was sure he wouldn't see her the next night but when he returned the next day, the bottle was still out for him and his glass was still there waiting.

They continued this for another week before any type of conversation between them became regular. During that time in the day times, Amaya was still as put together and proper and their relationship didn't change in any way. Amaya's focus was mainly on Loki and Tony's focus was mainly on himself, but at night when they drank they commiserated. Over what he wasn't entirely sure but he was grateful for it because those moments when they were drinking together in the kitchen whether silently or over conversation were the only times in the whole night in the house where Tony felt like he was at peace.

It was a month into their trip in Alfheim that they began talking about anything remotely serious. They didn't talk about anything important while they drank, as a rule unspoken. They both had so many questions but they avoided them all knowing that it would only cause the chaos and destruction of the only peaceful moments they each dad right now in their lives. Eventually, it was Amaya who did it.

Class earlier that day had been a disaster. Tony finally got Loki to answer a question. The lesson that day had been about how the other realms saw Jotunheim. Bored out of his mind he asked Loki how the other realms saw Earth which Loki gladly told him. Insects. Rodents. Babies trying to reach above their station when they didn't deserve it. It was not a happy moment after that as Loki and Tony traded insults until Loki finally stormed off to his room until meditation class.

"Elsa. The grinch. Frosty the snowman." These were only the latest in a long series of attempts for Tony to find the nickname that annoyed Loki the most. Such a simple thing shouldn't have caused him so much anger. "Ebeneezer Scrooge. Igloo."

Tony cared less and less about trying to stay quiet during his meditation sessions with Loki until now, he simply didn't care at all. They weren't doing anything anyway. Loki sat silently with his eyes closed for an hour while Tony sat there getting more and more annoyed. It had been so long that Tony didn't even try to keep quiet anymore, and it was pretty obvious. Sure there was the threat of Loki getting mad and trying to hurt him, but every time he got mad, Amaya always managed to calm him down. He was fine.

"Maybe it's better you don't love me. If all the realms really hate humans as much as you say they do they might just call you some type of human lover or something."

The next second, a lot of things happened all at once. Loki opened his eyes blazing red eyes looking nothing short of murderous. Amaya immediately gasped and jumped in front of Loki right in time to stop him where he was currently trying to barrel towards Tony with everything he had. There was a spell in her hands that was currently the only thing allowing her to hold him off but it wouldn't last forever. Her head turned slightly over her shoulders, her face straining with the overwhelming effort of keeping Loki back while trying to speak to Tony but she only had to say one word. "Go!"

That snapped him out of it. Tony ran from the house as fast as he could, hearing Loki break away from Amaya and come running after him only a second later. Some part of him that was proving the genius status he gladly raved about had the sense to throw some furniture in his way any time he could reach it. It wasn't slowing him down near enough.

His heart was pounding in his chest, the only sounds being his strained breathing as he pushed his body faster, the loud and much faster sound of Loki's footsteps behind him, and the sounds of Amaya running after Loki begging him to please stop sounding like she was about to be in tears.

Tony reached the front door and threw it open, violently dashing as he could, trying to get away. Loki was only two footsteps behind him, he could hear it, and at that moment he decided to do the stupidest thing he could possibly do at that point. He turned around and looked.

Loki was arm's length away from him, reaching out for him with more pain and fury in his eyes than Tony had ever seen from him before and he knew at that moment that if Loki got his hands on him, he was going to die. There would be no calming down. There would be no coming back, no one was going to be able to save him from him and he, unfortunately, didn't even have his gun or his armor to try to stand his ground. He would just die, quickly and harshly at the hands of his fiance because he couldn't keep his mouth shut. 

Suddenly Loki's body tensed as it reached for him, his entire frame going stiff as he fell to the ground frozen as a statue still staring at him with contempt as he slowly reached towards the ground. Before he could get there, Amaya caught him, frantically speaking as she tried with all her might to get him to calm down. It was a futile effort.

Tony couldn't help but stare, eyes wide in terror and chest heaving with the exhaustion of running away and the terror that had flooded him the entire time. Amaya looked at him, to his surprise red eyes blazing in almost the exact same way Loki's had.

"Go. Now." Tony didn't question it. He nodded dumbly and turned to quickly shuffle off towards the treeline to peruse the edge of the forest.

Amaya didn't come to the kitchen that night. She didn't come the next night either. She didn't come to the kitchen until almost a week later. Their relationship had consisted of nothing before during the daytime, but now it turned to complete icy silence. No matter what he did, he could not get her to speak to him and whenever he walked into a room and she saw him, she glared at him fiercely before immediately turning back around to head towards her room. He could always hear the door slam when she got there. Classes and meditation were canceled for the week.

Three days later while working late into the night, Tony heard the door open and the soft footsteps he always heard when she walked towards the kitchen followed by the short banging of the cabinets as she grabbed the bottle and her drink to go with it. Tony debated with himself for only a second before he got up and joined her.

His glass wasn't there and neither was the bottle when he got there. She shot him a sharp glare out of the side of her eyes when he walked in that almost made him walk back out. She quickly threw back her drink, set her glass down in the sink, and turned to leave without so much as a goodbye. He took his drink and the bottle with him back to the living room, not wanting to feel the pain that brought him.

It was another week before she returned back out to the kitchen to drink. When he walked in he was surprised to see she didn't immediately finish the drink.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head bitterly, glaring at him. "No, you're not."

"Ok, then I was wrong."

"Figure that out all by yourself or did you need to call someone to help you?"

He hesitated slightly before he pulled his glass and a bottle down and poured himself a drink. Once he had the drink in his hand, taking small sips, she finally asked the question she'd been waiting to, turning to him fully.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what? Having a drink?" She glared fiercely.

"Why do you want to know him?"

Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair. "He's going to be my husband-"

"Stop." Tony's mouth shut immediately at the venom in her voice. "You don't want to get to know him because of that. Maybe in the beginning but not anymore. What's the real reason?"

He scoffed, drinking his first drink and pouring himself a second. "What do you think the reason is then?"

"I think you like antagonizing him. I think you see it as the punishment that he deserves for not wanting to get to know you."

Tony stared at her incredulously. "Antagonizing him? Why would I like to antagonize him?"

"Because he doesn't want to get to know you. Whenever he says or does something to avoid getting to know you, you antagonize him and make him feel like crap as punishment for not giving you what you want, like a spoiled brat."

Tony glared. "Hey in case you didn't notice, he antagonizes me too! And he antagonizes me first! And don't come at me with just because he antagonized me first doesn't mean I shouldn't respond because that's just not true. He's rude combative and self-centered he should be told it every once and a while!"

"So, according to your own words if someone does something to provoke someone they should get to respond and antagonize them back!" Tony quickly closed it refusing to fall for the trap Amaya was setting but she just continued. "So, when you were rude earlier during his meditation, did he have the right to try and fight you? Or when you burst into the room trying to force him to talk to you after he left to go calm himself down so he wouldn't hurt you after you intentionally made him mad when we first got here, he had the right to try and shoot you then? Or best of all, when you tried to force him to go on a tour with you the day you met him when he told you he didn't want to go, it was ok to respond how he did?"

"His mother said we should take a tour!"

"He's a grown man! His mother doesn't make his choices, he does! If he says he doesn't want to go on the tour you shouldn't force him to go on the stupid tour!"

"He could've been nicer about how he said it."

"You could've left him alone! You could've been nice about more things than I can count! But now we're here, and it's both your fault! Not just his! Yours too! You are both constantly wrong!"

Tony was completely silent. Amaya shook her head. "You two are just the same. You're just as rude and just as arrogant and combative and self-centered as he is. You're both two sides of the same coin, but you know what the difference is? You seek him out only to cause problems. He doesn't want to be anywhere near you! He tries to avoid you as best he can to avoid any confrontation, but all you've done from the very beginning was insist on him being near you and then once he is, you do nothing but annoy him on purpose and then play the victim role when he inevitably snaps! He doesn't like taking your questions during class because he's trying to escape and get back to his room as fast as possible! I have to cast calming spells on him during his meditation to keep him in his seat and clearly, even that wasn't enough! You do not care about his boundaries and you know he can't do anything about it! You sit in meditation and do nothing but try to talk and disrupt him!"

"I can't sit still-"

"You don't try! I've seen how you act it's been a while it's not like we started this last night! You come in being loud on purpose, flop down on the couch loudly on purpose and move around and try to talk and ask questions the entire time and then get mad when I don't respond! That's not trying! You don't care! you're not trying to get to know him! You just want to make him feel bad! You just want him to suffer for not wanting to know you and for his perceived rudeness which you overall started because he doesn't want to know you. You refuse to respect that. You want to get to know him. He refuses to respect that, but you're worse about it."

Both didn't speak after that, drinking their drinks in silence for a while. Tony looked down at his drink, not sure what to say or what to think after everything Amaya had just said.

"Why do you always defend him? Why do you always come to his side so quickly? You know what he does isn't right."

"Who else does he have?"

"His parents."

"They're realms away and trying not to be reached so you two can bond. Who else is going to make sure he's ok? You?"

"Make sure he's ok? Ok from what? Staying in his room all day? Not having his magic? So he has to do some things for himself he didn't have to before, how bad can it be?"

Amaya shook her head. "Loki's magic was everything to him. There was a time in his life where there was nothing else he had. It was all he did." Amaya sighed her explanation failing to explain it the way she wanted. "Have you ever had something that when you turned to it, it made it all ok? Something that made you feel safe and no one else could take from you. As long as you had that one thing, everything would all be ok? Something that saved you when it all got bad?"

Tony stared at her, Amaya taking his uncomfortable to mean he didn't know what that felt like. She just sighed and shook her head, all of the anger and fight slowly leaking out of her body all at once as she slowly started to look as exhausted as she sounded. "You know what, of course, you don't. I shouldn't expect you to have something like that, but just know Loki's magic was his everything and he gave it up to try and make peace and you intentionally keep trying to ruin it. He gave up his everything because he wants to be a good king for his people someday, and I know you wouldn't know what it was like to have something like that taken away from you but just know he's not ok and every single day you are doing your best to try to make him worse and unfortunately, you're succeeding!"

Amaya finished her drink and walked away. "You have never been wrong for wanting to get to know your husband. He wasn't wrong for not feeling the same way. You are both children for how you acted."

Amaya walked back towards her room slouching slightly at the alcohol and her exhaustion. Tony stared in the direction of where she went feeling sick to his stomach as he thought over her words. His knees shook slightly.

Tony walked back over to where he had been sitting on the couch and looked down at the glowing screen of his tablet for a long time before he picked it up, throwing himself into work unable to escape her words.

Amaya returned tomorrow night, but when he came into the kitchen to join her she quickly finished her drink and slammed her glass into the sink, and stomped back to her room. There was never a glass out for him and never a bottle. It was weeks before she stopped finishing her drink quickly the instant she saw him. The first time she didn't immediately throw her drink back instead slowly sipping it while glaring at Tony. He almost broke out into tears but he knew it would only make her mad and want to leave more, so he just sat silently.

Another week later he tried getting a drink while she was there. She didn't finish her drink quickly, but after she was done with hers she didn't pour another and instead put her glass away heading to bed. Two weeks later she had another drink after she finished hers while Tony sipped his. Neither of them spoke about anything. They barely spoke. They didn't talk about anything serious. They didn't have an actual conversation until almost two months later.

While Tony worked on fixing his newly found acquaintanceship with Amaya, he was even more confused than ever about his relationship with Loki. The first month after he talked with Amaya he ran out on all of his classes altogether, always coming up with an excuse about some design that needed to be finalized or some work that needed to be done while he was supposed to be there. They didn't see him once the entire time.

After that, he started showing up and felt even more conflicted whenever he wanted to ask a question. When he asked a question on the first day, Loki refused to answer it. He had the immediate urge to leave after he almost gave a rude insulting comment back instinctually. You see it as the punishment that he deserves for not wanting to get to know you. He could hear Amaya's words in her head ringing true. He went to get a drink immediately.

He was quiet as he walked into meditation and wasn't able to stay for more than five minutes as his urge to shuffle and disrupt Loki's concentration hit him. Every day he left the house when the urge got too strong, saying something about wanting to check for the animals or something stupid like that.

The second he stopped doing these things, Loki started to look a little bit better. It was amazing. At first, he thought it was because he was stopping having the nightmares. It didn't make sense that all of this misery and exhaustion that had taken over his face was beginning to melt away because of him, but he still went to his room every night and saw him breathing heavy and turning so that couldn't be it.

"He looks better," Tony said as casually as he could so it wouldn't turn into a serious conversation but Amaya's eyes narrowed suspiciously clearly catching on to what he was doing.

"He's been able to actually mediate recently. The entire atmosphere of the house is getting better because you two aren't arguing, and the calm means he can begin to center himself. He's been able to come out of his room without you antagonizing him. He doesn't like being cooped up back there all day, it's good for him to get out every once and a while."

Tony fell silent. He never considered that Loki sat in the room all day because he was trying to avoid him. 

He never wanted to face it, he had actually been avoiding it ever since Amaya had said something to him about it months ago but his part in this might have been bigger than he wanted to admit. Everyone had said it many times both the first time they got here and all through their trip, but Tony was starting to consider that maybe he was in the wrong.

Chapter Text

Tony jogged dutifully towards the house when he saw Amaya waving him inside for meditation but when he got to the door, she stopped him.

"We need to get you to stay the whole hour."

The skeptical look he gave her said it all. "Without annoying him? Even on accident? You do realize he's one of the easiest people to annoy even on accident I've ever seen in my entire life right?"

"Yes, trust me I realize but none of this has a chance of working if you don't stay the whole hour."

Tony sighed. "What is the point of these meditation sessions anyways? Is this even reacclimating him?"

"It might, that's the best hope we have. We've never had a chance to try. The point is to get him used to being around another person without having his guard up, something he hasn't done since he was a small child."

"...and you think the guy who hates everyone under the sun will let his guard down for me?"

"Not on purpose, no but he doesn't really have much of a choice. He doesn't have his magic which is how he usually maintained most of his mental defenses. He's never had to go without it and he was very reliant on it. He's already making some progress, though he doesn't know it. Right now, his mind is as unguarded as it's going to get."

"You really think that's enough?"

"Well... I may have also been helping the process along magically. Those calming spells might not have all been just to keep him from fighting you. That's also why I make him meditating. He doesn't focus as much on his immediate surroundings when he meditates."

"I thought the point of meditating was to connect with your surroundings."

"That depends on where your focus lies. If you meditate to connect to the things around you, you will do so as you go. If you meditate to connect with yourself, you will do so. He meditates to clear the conflict inside himself. His focus is internal, he is not able to concentrate on the things going on in the outside world."

"So your plan is to have him calm down until he likes me?"

"My plan is to have him calm down until he doesn't see you as a threat."

"He's the dangerous one! Why would he see me as a threat?"

"He sees everything with a pulse as a threat."

"Then what would you suggest for me to do so I don't distract him?"

"Well, what normally keeps your attention? You have to do something all day to keep you focused, what is it?"

Amaya and Tony walked into the living room where Loki was already sitting legs crossed resting lightly on his shoulders Tony sat down pulled out his tablet.

He couldn't help but look over at Loki. He didn't know what Amaya was talking about, he looked like he'd been meditating the whole time. He couldn't see any change when he walked in but he just shrugged and sat on the couch and got to work wondering how long this was going to last.

The next thing he knew Amaya was tapping him on the shoulder with a grin on her face. "You did it, the hour is up." Tony looked around confused not knowing how that had happened so fast but sure enough, when he looked out the window it was slightly darker outside. He blinked himself out of his confusion and looked over at Loki again to see if he was still there, but he was just sitting there, still looking like he was meditating and not doing anything at all. Tony shrugged and got up and walked away.

This continued for months. It wasn't a fast process but it wasn't a wholly unpleasant one either. Tony couldn't see an obvious change. Sometimes Amaya would tap him after the hour letting him know his time was up and sometimes he came to after his work binge and finally looked up to see it was fully dark outside and no one had noticed but he always got up and left before Loki woke up from whatever trance he was in.

It was strange but despite everything, it started to feel very regular. It wasn't comfortable, Tony didn't think he would ever be comfortable around Loki, but the routine of sitting on the couch and working on his tablet while Loki meditated (or at least tried to apparently) and Amaya supervised them wasn't adverse anymore. It was just a normal part of his day.

Tony didn't think anything of it anymore after a while, neither the sessions nor Loki's supposed progress but one night when he had been working for hours, he was brought out of his work by Amaya gasping. She was staring at Loki, eyes wide in shock, but when he looked over he didn't see anything special. Loki was just sitting there, meditating as always. Tony shrugged and went back to work.

After that Amaya was always very careful to get Tony out of the room quickly when she felt as though Loki would be coming too soon, sometimes it happened fast, sometimes it happened slowly but every day Tony always stayed at least an hour. He was never allowed to stay longer, not that he was really fighting to, and he was always very careful when he left not to make any sound. Despite all of this, Tony still didn't see anything different going on with Loki. Part of him wished he could actually see something change that would make all of this make sense. It took a lot less time than he would've thought for a change to happen.

Tony had only been there maybe an hour, probably a little less. Either way, he hadn't been there long. He had just gotten started revising another project when Loki came to. His eyes opened, slowly. Tony was actually a bit shocked to see he didn't look murderous. He honestly looked very... content, almost like a cat that had been sunbathing.

He stretched his arms above his head and arched his back relaxing his stiff muscles. And then his eyes fell on Tony. And he froze. And all traces of calmness left his body as he looked back and forth between Tony and Amaya, his expression getting more and more violent by the second and to Tony's surprise, it was focused more on her than on him.

"Loki" Amaya started but he was already up and storming off to his room and Amaya was immediately following him leaving a very confused Tony on the couch.

The second Amaya got back to the room Loki turned on her. "How long?"

She matched his glare and crossed her arms knowing full well what he was asking and refusing to give him the satisfaction of an answer. "How long what?"

"How long have you been letting me sit there like an open target for that-"

"You were not an open target he was working on some projects Loki he wasn't even focusing on you!"

"You let me leave myself defenseless in front of him, and for what!"

"I wouldn't have let him hurt you he doesn't mean you any harm!"

"How. Long?"

"Two weeks." Loki stared at her, his face a strange mix of range and betrayal. He spluttered, looking for the works to convey his fury but Amaya didn't back down.

"You let him sit there with every chance to get to me for two weeks? How did I not know this?"

"I made him leave the room before you finished so you wouldn't see him. You were still under the impression that he left sometime early on in the session."

"So not only did you let him see me at my most vulnerable, but you helped him!"

"He does not mean you any harm." She enunciated each word as if drawing it out more would get the point across but it only made him madder. Her own anger rose to meet his the whole time.

"You really expect me to think there is a being alive in all the realms that means me no harm?"

"Yes, because apparently, we've found him! I'm surprised he wants to be around you at all, seeing as you, so far, have tried to kill him twice but he hasn't tried to lay a finger on you the entire time in retaliation so yes I would say he means you no harm! This is progress Loki! This is the goal!"

"Whose goal? Your goal? My parents' goal? It wasn't my goal! I did not want this!"

"That was what we came here for Loki! For you to learn to be comfortable being around him! You cannot have a successful political marriage if all you look for him to do is backstab and betray you! We came here so you could calm down around him!"

"I didn't actually think it would work! You knew I didn't want this! I wasn't exactly subtle about it! It has been millennia since I allowed myself to trust another person! How did a mere human accomplish it in a matter of months!"

"You didn't have much of a choice, your magic is gone! You don't have any of your wards up you can't defend yourself against your natural instincts like you normally would. As much as you want to be alone that is not how Jotun work!"

"No, no there's something more than that. That would never have been enough for me to feel that calm around him this quickly, it can't be." Loki's eyes narrowed as he started to realize. "What aren't you telling me? What did you do?"

"...I placed a calming spell on you. It made it easier for you to slip into your meditative state after being around him for so long so often. It helped you get better."

"How did you make a calming spell that strong Amaya?" Amaya was silent. "Did you use my magic? Did you use my magic against me?" She didn't speak a word. "Did you!"

"It was the only way-"

"You would use my magic to force me into acting like a foolish little target! What is wrong with you! Did you plan this? What, take my magic and trick me into becoming some love-struck fool was that it?" Loki was seeing red.

Amaya's eyes narrowed. "Did I plan on you going on a homicidal rage and trying to kill the Midgardian prince like a toddler throwing a tantrum because he wouldn't leave you alone with no care or regard for the consequences of your actions? No Loki, I didn't plan that I didn't think you could be so stupid, short-sighted, and selfish but once again, you have proven me wrong and you paid the price!"

"You would do all of this to force me into fulfilling your silly goals for me that I never wanted?"

"What's your goal Loki? Huh? What do you want, since you seem to be so sure that what I'm doing goes against everything you desire!"

"My goal is to be left alone! It has always been to be left alone, I liked being left alone!"

"You didn't have a choice! Half of Jotunheim wants your head on a platter and the other half was taught to hate you for reasons they do not understand! Who were we going to find for you to learn that not everyone is bad? Were we magically going to conjure up a Jotun who didn't want you dead? And don't get me started on the other realms!"

"Don't throw that at me as if I wanted that as if I caused that! I was a child I didn't know he was going to die!"

"I know you didn't Loki but we can't keep letting you act like this! Eventually, you need to learn how to be around people, and now for the first time we finally have an opportunity to try!"

"And what did that lesson get me last time Amaya? Huh? What did I learn from that Amaya? What did they do to me Amaya, do you remember? Do you remember what happened? How I was tortured and burned alive and ostracized and hated all because of something I did not want to happen as a child!

"I don't want others around me! I don't need others around me! I will not suffer the cruelty that comes from trusting other people ever again and you would have me suffer that a second time?" Loki was seething in rage, practically shaking and screaming every word. 

"Of course not-"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!" Loki took a second, his chest heaving everything about him on edge but Amaya still refused to back down and it only made him angrier. "I'm not going through it again! I did not forget! I will never forget! They still scream fratricide behind my back! They still call for me to be sent to the gallows and I will never forget the many attempts of the citizens to carry out the sentence themselves when my parents failed to let me see 'justice?' For millennia they tormented me in every way imaginable and now you expect me to want to ever learn to be anywhere near them?"

"That wasn't your fault Loki! You were only trying to do the right thing-"

"And did they care about that? Huh? Since when do they care about what really happened, how I felt? What they put me through? They put me through hell physically mentally emotionally and turned around and told a child it was his fault. They were all so quick to turn, the beloved people who loved me so dearly and held me in such high esteem, they cared so little about the person they claimed to love when it came down to it, didn't they? And I, I was the fool that believed them, that was stupid enough to care about their praise, so foolish and childish! I refuse to be made anyone else's fool like that again! I will never let anyone that close to me again!"

"He doesn't want to attack you Loki! I know what happened, trust me, I remember but I cannot continue to let you suffer when the only chance we ever have at letting you heal is right here! I know it doesn't see this way and I know it isn't comfortable but he isn't like that-"

"I don't care what his intentions are, everyone ends up the same in the end! They don't care! Were my other friends 'like that?' Were the Jotun citizens 'like that?' Was the council 'like that?' What was it like Amaya? Tell me since you seem to know him so well, what is that human 'like?' What makes him so different from everyone else who has tried to hurt me?" Loki scoffed and shook his head coldly. "You are foolish to trust him. I will not make the same mistake. I will not be made to fall for anyone."

"You are not being made to fall for him Loki, you are learning how to reacclimate to society-"

"A lesson I have no intention of learning. Effective now, I am done with it all."

"You have to go to these classes Loki. It is a part of the treaty we signed with the humans after you tried to kill him! You don't have a choice!"

"Then I will go, but you cannot make me try. I will make every effort to make sure I am not getting anywhere close to knowing him and I will make sure that as cold and distant as I was towards everything living before this trip, I will be twice as cold and twice as distant afterward. No one, whether through 'bonding', or magic, or good acts, or goodwill, or some other act never before seen, will ever be allowed close to my heart. I swear it, I will never have anyone be near me where they can hurt me."

"Then I will incentivize you to continue. Getting you to a place where you could know people again seemed like an impossible dream for centuries now. I will not give up that hope because you are scared."

"I am not scared!"

"I have your magic Loki. I know your emotions and the second you opened your eyes and looked at Tony and realized what had happened you were absolutely terrified."

Loki's eyes were slits as he glared at Amaya with all the rage he could muster. "Incentivize me with what?"

Amaya opened her palm and let it lay flat in front of both of them. A small tendril of green magic floated to the surface and curled up like a tendril of smoke. "If you participate, if you try, if you actively give an effort to make progress with Tony, I will grant you your magic."

Amaya saw the way Loki's eyes followed the small sliver of energy longingly looking hungry and starved, but as soon as he started focusing on it he shook his head as if to clear it and glared at her. "It is a trick. You have to grant me my magic back at the end of this trip anyways."

"Why?"

"Because my parents will want to know why it's gone otherwise."

"I can tell your parents why I took it. There is a signed treaty to show as proof and by Jotun laws, you attacked someone with no cause and no warning with the intent to kill, which means if I told them the adjoining punishment would have to be carried out."

"You wouldn't. It would plunge us into a war with the humans."

"Only if the humans found out, which I'm sure your parents wouldn't be too eager to tell them seeing as how it would ruin their newfound alliance and cause such conflict. Cooperate, and I will give you your magic back. Fight, and I will tell them what you did and they will have to have your magic destroyed, forever."

"You would do that to me, knowing what my magic means to me? Knowing it is everything to me? Knowing that it is the only thing that has kept me alive for many years? You would let them destroy it and for what, for some silly human who thinks he wants to know me? He doesn't know what he asks for."

"I would not do this to you Loki, I am doing it for you because I love you."

He didn't hear a word she said, he just sat there all of the pain had left his face and it had been replaced by cold hard betrayal. He shook his head at his once best friend, the last person besides his parents who he had left in his life and the last he expected to betray him. "Another person with a knife in my back. How typical."

"You have so many back there you no longer know the difference between someone trying to stick a new one in and someone trying to clean the wounds of the old ones, but rest assured, I will fix this, even if I have to sacrifice your love for me to do it."

"Then consider it sacrificed. You are just like all the others. Get out of my sight."

Loki and Amaya stared at each other, a mixture of emotions going across both of their faces before Amaya gave a low bow and stood. "As you wish, my prince." She left the room, tears in her eyes.

Later that night Amaya looked even worse than usual when she came to get a drink with Tony.

"He will cooperate from now on."

"How'd you get him to do that?"

"I incentivized him."

"You could do that this whole time?" Tony stared at her incredulously. "Why didn't you incentive him before?"

"I had hoped I wouldn't have to. I thought if I could make enough progress in secret he would see the benefits more than the risks by the time he found out. It was wishful thinking honestly, a childish notion. I was so foolish to let you stay there that long. I should've made sure you were out of the room before he came back to himself."

"Oh," Tony said quietly. He looked at her for a few seconds. "What happened?"

"He found out that he's been fully meditating in your presence."

"Wasn't that the goal?"

"My goal. Not his."

"What happened after you chased him?"

"We had a fight."

"Do you two not usually fight?"

"It was far from uncommon but it was never this bad."

"What made this one so different?"

"I did some things that he's not likely to forgive me for. Ever. I only did them for him but he does not see it that way and to be honest, he has the right not to. They were quite despicable from where he was standing. Anyways, it matters not. I have just lost my best friend."

Tony wasn't sure what to say to that. He poured them both another drink and raised his glass silently. She echoed the gesture and they both quickly downed both drinks.

"Was he always like this?"

"A pessimistic isolationist with trust issues and anger problems? No. He used to be much different."

"How was he then?"

"He was nicer, that's for sure He was always clever, always scheming up different plans and plots but never for anything evil. He was a trickster, yes, but his pranks were never with ill intent and they were never meant to harm anybody. The funny thing is he would always get away with it too whenever he got in trouble. Everyone knew it was him who did it but no one was ever able to prove it to try and accuse him."

"Was he this mean to everyone back then?"

"No, he was actually quiet. Mostly he was just polite to them and he was beloved by all. He had all the traits that were praised in a Jotun, great skill in combat, intelligence, wit, he was everything they could have hoped for in a prince. He never really loved being around people, even back then, but he didn't actively push them away either. Whenever he wasn't studying or training he was always reading. The only times you wouldn't catch him in one of those three places was when he was following his bro-"

Amaya clamped her mouth shut tight, obviously realizing too late that she was saying too much in her ranting, but Tony had already heard it and he could piece together the rest of what she was about to say. "I didn't the Jotun monarchy had two sons. What happened to him?"

Amaya poured herself another drink, downing it quickly before she started speaking again. "He died, tragically when they were both very young."

"Oh," Tony was shocked. He wasn't sure what to say to that. Amaya looked sick, Tony wasn't sure what to do. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It wasn't your fault."

"Still. That must have been hard I imagine even more so for him."

Amaya stared down the hallway towards where Loki lay. "It was. It really was."

"You don't think he'll ever fully recover from it, do you?"

"I don't think he wants to."

"Then what do you think he'll turn into from trying to fix him?"

"I don't know, but it has to be better than this. Anything is better than this."

Chapter Text

Sleep was getting harder and harder the longer he stayed here. Loki woke up from a different nightmare every night, breathing heavily and frantically searching around for the threat that was no longer there. It was all in his head. It had all been a dream, a dream of a memory of an event that happened at one point in his life but a dream nonetheless. It took him longer and longer each night to remember that and bring himself back to the house where he was and when he did he didn't feel much better.

He silently got up and headed to the bathroom, splashing some water on his face and shaking the tangles out of his hair. He looked awful. He had bags under his eyes, he was losing weight, his neat hair was in knots and even knowing he wasn't in his dream anymore he still felt the need to look around nervously. He didn't feel safe. He felt the need to fight, to defend himself but there was nothing threatening and that was unusual.

Loki took a deep breath and combed his hair out with his fingers as best he could, glaring at the person he saw in the mirror. He refused to fall apart like this. No matter what, he was still a prince and he would act like one like it or not. He would not allow himself to fall apart and become anything less than what he was no matter what. He climbed back into his bed, refusing to show fear for his own dreams. Nightmares or no, he had already lived through everything he had dreamed about.

The events had come and past and he still lived and his attackers did not. He would not give them the satisfaction of letting what they did haunt him like this. Still, when he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep again, it was only more nightmares that greeted him, and as strong as he wanted to admit he was, he still woke up the next morning looking around wildly for the threat and having to remind himself that he was not in danger. Despite everything, each night the nightmares were only getting worse.

Loki hated how comfortable he had become around the human. He didn't even notice him when he walked into the room until he was actually in eyesight and this time, he wasn't even meditating. It was as if all of his life experiences had been completely invalidated and he was now being as stupid as he used to be and if Amaya and Tony had it their way, it would only get worse.

Amaya wasn't there today. She told Loki to go to the living room and then left without a word. A few seconds later Tony appeared entering the room and going to his same familiar couch that he always sat on tablet in hand.

"Do you know what we're doing today?"

Loki raised a brow. "Even if I did, why would I tell you?"

"Is that another part of your privileged information?"

"Maybe. Or maybe I just don't like you."

"Wow really never would've guessed that one." Tony rolled his eyes. "How do you dislike me? You don't know me."

"I know you're annoying."

"I stopped annoying you."

"I know you're a privileged brat."

"Hi kettle! My name is pot!" Tony glared. "Seriously why do you still hate me?"

"Is this concept really so difficult for you, the thought of someone not liking you? The thought of someone who isn't instantly a part of your bandwagon? You've probably never had to deal with anything so hard in your life."

"Being here is difficult! Dealing with you is difficult! Trying to help you is difficult!"

"If this is the most difficult thing your life had brought you then you really have had a good one."

"Don't pretend like you know me. You don't know whether my life has been happy sad loving or anything else and you don't care because you're too busy being stuck inside your own trauma to ever care about anyone else's, a trauma Amaya is trying to fix by the way even though you keep punishing her every chance you get and now you've managed to even push her away. Eventually, you're going to have to learn to trust."

"Trust who? You?"

"That's what we're here for."

"You're not worth trusting."

"And what exactly makes someone worth trusting in your eyes?"

Loki glared at him, his arms crossing smoothly as he looked at him. "Have you ever had to suffer for anything in your life? Have you ever had to sacrifice? Have you ever had to stick your neck out for something only for it to get chopped off?"

"I'm sacrificing for you right now!"

"No you're not! I'm sacrificing! I'm suffering! I'm in pain! All you have to do is sit there and be quiet!"

"You losing your magic is not my fault! If you remember, you tried to kill me with it over a stupid bed, which you got by the way so there you go, you got everything you ever wanted! Your magic, your happiness, your friendship all for a bed!"

"I don't care about the stupid bed! I will not allow myself to sleep next to another person."

"Why, let me guess, becasue I'm a lowly human?"

"Because you're a threat. I haven't let someone sleep near me since I was a small child. I will not start with you. I may as well put a target on my forehead while I'm at it so you know where to aim!"

"What are you talking about! No one here is trying to get you!"

"Everyone is always trying to get me!" Loki hissed, panting, his hands balled in fists by his side and his teeth bared in anger. "That has been the story of my life for the past ten thousand years, avoiding the next assassination attempt day in and day out keeping myself alive! You think I would let go of that for you? You think I would let down my guard for you? You think I would undo all of the hard work that has kept me alive all this time for you? What makes you worth trusting? What is so special about you that I should take everything that has kept me safe and leave it all behind for you? I would be dead in Jotunheim in a week acting the way you would have me to and yet you don't care! You care nothing about anything I have to sacrifice becasue all you see is you're 'trying' and I still haven't pledged my undying loyalty to you."

Tony crossed his arms, glaring at Loki his jaw set. "What would you have me do to fix this."

"Fix what?"

"This. To make me worth trusting."

Loki glared at him suspiciously. "Why do you care? Why are you still here?"

"In case you haven't noticed, like you, I have no way to leave this place barring calling my parents and telling them you tried to murder me which would plunge both our worlds into an extremely costly war and in case you forgot, whether you like to remember it or not, we're still getting married and when we do our kindoms will be combined and I will have to rule with you. We're not doing any of this for ourselves. I don't want to be here, you don't want to be here, but we have to and when we leave, we'll have to learn how to work together so what can I do to make it so you trust me so we can get this over with and make this less painful on both our parts?"

Loki glared at him for several seconds, not saying anything, just not trusting the human. "Prove you're worth it. Do something. Sacrifice something, prove you actually care half as much as you say you do. You want to prove you're worthy of my trust? Suffer like I have to."

"You don't think I will."

"I know you won't because as much as you say this means to you, as much as you say you want to be able to work together and get to know me, it's all a lie and the best part is, when all of this fails, when it inevitably doesn't succeed and the only thing we've gotten out of this trip is me hating you more, it won't be your fault, it will be mine. I didn't try hard enough, I didn't sacrafice enough I didn't let my gurd down enough and you'll get to sit there the poor prince who had to suffer through dealing with me when all you really had to do was sit and do nothing."

Loki got up and started to stomp away from the room when Amaya suddenly appeared, coming around the corner and almost running into him. "Loki you can't leave yet we have a class-"

"Cancel it. I'm done for the day." He disappeared down the hallway, a door slamming after him the only sign that he was back in his room. Amaya turned to Tony, confusion written all over her face but Tony didn't answer her unasked question. He was too busy thinking. Planning.

Laufey looked up suddenly from his desk when he heard a knock on his door in the middle of the night. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously and placed his quill down before going to answer the door.

"My king, I bring urgent news." Laufey glared down at one of his many informants, annoyed to have to be disturbed so late in the night in his own rooms. "This had better be important Malchite. What is it?"

"Sir, there has been grumbling by the citizens. They are wondering where prince Loki is."

Laufey's eyes narrowed. "Why do they care about where Loki is? He returned from our journey on Earth and he is here in the place. I'm sure he's shut up in one of the libraries or his rooms with Amaya as usual why are they concerned about it?"

"Well sire, it is just that, when you all arrived back at the palace, a member of the royal court thought he saw his palenquin was empty and it started some rumors."

"Rumors such as what?"

"Rumors that he is not here. He never left Earth and he is still with the humans. There are some rumors that he will never return."

Laufey was sure the citizens would love that. "I don't care what the citizens are gossiping about. Their lack of concern for my son has made me care little for answering their questions on his whereabouts. He is here, as he always is. I will not be letting them know where. All it will get us is another attempt on his life. You still haven't explained to me why this worth my time and why you have bothered me with it in the middle of the night."

"Well, sire, while the majority of the citizens just find it to be idle gossip... there are a select few who believe that Prince Loki is not on Jotunheim or on Earth. They beleive he has been sent off somewhere else."

Laufey tensed. "What makes them think that?"

"They do not think you would let him stay unprotected in the human kingdom sire."

"What makes them so sure he's unprotected?"

"He's alwas unprotected sir. Ever since... he has never had a guard by his side, ever. You did not leave with any of the royal force, and they are not allowed to guard him anyways so they have come to the conclusion that he is somewhere off world and unguarded and some have thought this may be the best time to do something about it."

"Are they trying to make another attempt on my son's life?"

"I don't know sir. I beleive it is mostly just idle drunken talk, I do not think anyone has said it with any intent. Still, the rumors are continuing to spread and the more people they reach the more likely one of them will have the means and desire to execute him."

Laufey didn't speak for a while. He needed the extra seconds to calm himself down. When he spoke his voice was smooth and even. "Tell the citizens my son is in the palace as he always is minding his own business. What he is doing and where he is is none of your concern and it is none of theirs either. He is safe and he is well and if anyone tries to harm him, he will be glad to add another dead body to his count. He does not need guards to deal with the likes of anyone who should threaten him, I thought everyone should know that by now."

"Yes sire. I will tell them all post haste."

"Good. Go."

Malchite stood and walked away, head bowed. Laufey walked back into his room troubled and anxious. He went further into his room and woke up Andora, on edge and beside himself with worry.

"The citizens are worried that Loki isn't on Jotunheim. They're planning an attack they want to take his life."

"The Jotun citizens have always wanted to take Loki's life. This is nothing new."

"Yes but before he was here! We were here! We need to do something!"

Andora grabbed Laufey and pulled him down onto the bed next to her, forcing him to stop from where he was going to make preparations to go get his son. "There is nothing we can do Laufey. Think, right now Loki is off realm in another place hidden in a remote location where no one could hope to find him. He is the safest there. He has his magic, he has Amora. He will be fine."

"What if they find him?"

"Then he will kill them like the rest. If the Jotun citizens need another reminder of why he is not to be messed with, let him give them one. You must remember darling he has not needed us to keep him safe in a long time. He has been able to handle himself."

"It is still not safe."

"And we still do not have a choice. What would we tell the humans when we suddenly take him away with no warning of what's going on? Should we tell them how hated he truly is among the Jotun citizens? They will think he is not fit to rule by their son's side. Should we tell them about how he is not safe even there? We would risk not only his current safety by bringing him back, but his future safety and our deal wit the humans. Once this is done and Loki is married, he can go live on Earth with the humans and he will not have to fear for his life ever again. He can change his skin to look like them and with time they may even forget he is Jotun. He will be safe for the first time in his life. We cannot risk all of that over the petty threats of some upset citizens."

His wife's words did nothing to calm Laufey's spirit, even though he knew she was right.

"I just don't like it. I know Loki does not need us to protect him but having his life threatened with him so far away, it scares me."

Andora kissed Laufey gently and lowered him down to the bed laying down next to him. "Loki is safer there than he is here. He is more powerful than both of us combined, he will be fine. As long as he has his magic with him he will be fine."

When he turned the corner away from his king, Malchite finally let a slow smirk spread across his face. Prince Loki wasn't here and he would find out where he was hiding post haste.

Tony sat outside his room, pacing back and forth still uncertain. He really didn't want to do this. He really, really didn't want to do this and he probably shouldn't either. At the very least he should've told Pepper or Amaya what he was doing but they would've just talked him out of this and he was already scared enough as it was.

He needed to do this. He did want this, he no longer cared if him and Loki liked each other but they had to work together and if sacraficing was what made Loki trust somebody then he would sacrafice and unfortunately for him, he didn't have many options on what to sacrafice or give for Loki, so he was giving the only thing he had.

Tony walked into the room to see Loki fast asleep, once again in the middle of another nightmare. He was startled for a minute when he first walked into the door. He hadn't gone into their room or even considered trying to wake Loki up for months. He still remembered watching as he panted slightly or shivered or jerked just a little in his sleep. His nightmares were bad, he was sure but they were still fairly reasonable, all things considered.

Now Loki's body spasmed violently, his face twisted and screwed up in agony. His mouth moving, pleading with some invisible captor and no sound came out. A light sheen of sweat covered his body and his breathe was ragged and harsh. Tony stared in horror. This wasn't a nightmare. This was... Tony wasn't even sure what this was.

He came here for a purpose. He was scared more than ever looking at Loki scream silently and convulse on his bed but he took a deep breathe and walked forward, doing what he needed to before his mind could catch up wih the fact that he was doing it.

"Loki. Loki, wake up." Tony grabbed Loki by the shoulders and shook him as gently as he could, slowly shaking him faster and faster as his initial attempts failed to yield any results but Loki just tried to fight him off, arms waving weakly in his direction as they tried to dislodge their attacker and Tony just shaking him all the while.

Loki's eyes shot up violently, suddenly focusing on him but not enough to see who it was. Before Tony could think to say something, Loki grabbed him and threw him on his back on the bed. He grabbed his hands and forced them above his head and grabbed his neck with the one that was free. Tony gasped for a painful breathe but there was a vice grip around his neck with no signs of losing. He tried clawing his hands out of Loki's grip but it was completely unyielding. He had tears in his eyes and he coughed, trying desperately to make a sound and he couldn't help but think, in what he though was going to be his last thoughts, what a way to go.

Loki's eyes were still cluded by sleep. Tony wasn't even sure if he was fully awake he barely seemed like he could look at him but that wasn't really helpful when he was about to die. He barely managed to wheeze out the two syllables that probably had little to no chance of saving his life. "Lo... ki..."

He could've sworn he saw Loki's ear  twitch just a little bit as life finally started to come back to his face and he finally started to wake up the rest of the way coming back to himself and gasping in horror as he realized what he'd done. Tony had never seen someone move so fast. Suddenly the hand was off his throat his arms were realsied and Loki was on the other side of the room back firmly against the wall and panting heavily. Tony reached a hand for his neck, coughing up what he thought was a bit of blood trying desperately to get breathe back in his lungs.

Loki went from confusion to anger to fear back to confusion in less than a second not sure what to settle on for the human. Finally he glared, almost shouting the words, still pressed against the wall breathing as heavy as Tony was out of pure adrenaline and fear. "What are you doing!"

"Sacri... ficing..." Tony could barely get the words out. Another round of coughs left him curled up on the bed, hands reaching at his throat desperately. Loki finally realized everything that had happened, everything that had happened going through his mind quickly in less than a minute. He looked over at the human, still sitting on the bed curled up in a ball and clutching at his throat desperately.

"Can you walk?" Tony turned to him confused. "Don't speak just nod! Can you walk?"

Tony nodded slowly, wincing at the pain at the movement of his neck. Loki quickly rushed over and helped him stand up, throwing his arm over his to take most of his weight. "Stupid human. I didn't mean your life! Focus on your breathing I'm taking you to get help."

Tony nodded, not even completely aware of what was going on or where they were going just trying to focus entirely on his breathing. He could barely get a gasp in. He was pretty sure Loki almost crushed his windpipe entirely and he had only barely been awake when he did it. He was gonna be sick.

Only a few moments later he heard a knock on a door and someone come to answer it. He heard what he thought was the sound of Amaya's scream and he felt someone passing off his weight and that was the last thing he felt before he actually passed out.

Chapter Text

Loki frantically thrust Tony's barely breathing body into Amaya's arms. He was about to turn blue, he was not getting nearly enough oxygen in his lungs and it was all Loki could do to stay calm and focused in the situation. Too many things had happened all at once and he still wasn't even one hundred percent sure how they got there.

Luckily while he wasn't used to caring for near dead and dying people with severe injuries suddenly and out of the blue, Amaya was and despite the suddenness of the situation, she was immediately by his side, carrying Tony to her bed and assessing the damage for herself.

"His windpipe is almost completely shut, I stopped as soon as I could when I realized who it was but I was squeezing hard and the damage was severe. Can you fix this?"

She zeroed in on his neck, scanning him with her magic quickly. "What happened?"

"He tried to wake me up."

A shockingly similar mix of fear confusion and anger passed over Amaya's face before she went back to total concentration as she looked down at the human's almost completely destroyed windpipe. 

"Can you undo the damage?"

Amaya shook her head. "No the damage is too severe. He won't be able to repair his old throat, he'll need to grow a new one. Luckily you only got bone and muscle, his body should be able to accept the new ones. Close the door and get comfortable, this is going to take a while." Amaya opened her nightstand and quickly found a hair tie. She returned to Tony's side and put her hands around his neck, hands covered in red magic.

"What happened?"

Loki snapped at her, angry and anxious at the entire situation. "Is that all you can manage to ask me today! What are you stuck on repeat!"

"No Loki I mean what happened! Why did a human suddenly decide to wake you up! Why did you choke him?"

Loki glared at her. "He wanted to prove himself trustworthy to me. I told him to sacrifice something-"

"Why would you-!"

"I didn't actually think he would do it! I wasn't even fully awake, I just knew someone was shaking me and something told me to defend myself, I didn't think it was him!"

It was the voice of survival. It was that immediate screaming in his head to kill or escape whatever was making him feel unsafe that made him act accordingly. This time was different though. Tony hadn't been messing with him or making him feel attacked or anything of that nature. He'd actually been trying to help him, and he was just there at the wrong place at the wrong time trying to do the right thing. He didn't feel ok. The survival part of him applauded him, telling him he protected himself from another threat kept himself safe. He made it to see another day, he should be proud.

Loki started thinking back to all those times when that voice of survival was all he had and suddenly he wasn't in the room anymore. He wasn't safe. He wasn't on Alfheim. He was in Jotunheim surrounded by attackers that would gladly delight in his screams. He would not give them to them. It was either him or them and he wasn't going to let them take him. He tensed as someone stepped forward ready to strike and in a practiced motion from millennia of experience he waited for the perfect moment he knew was coming when the person would take one step forward and lift the hand that had the knife and for just a second the area right below his ribs would be unprotected and he would have a clean shot for a kill.

But when he looked at Tony on the bed and heard his painful gasps, those feelings shifted. A voice he couldn't recognize told him that he wasn't in danger, Tony wasn't trying to hurt him, he was trying to help him and now he was about to die because of him. He wasn't sure what to do. He was starting to panic.

Amaya stayed quiet, trying to regrow bone and muscle to give Tony a workable airway to breathe through before it was too late. For a while, Tony's gasping breaths were the only sound in the room until finally, Amaya spoke. "The dreams are getting worse."

Loki glared at her. "How do you know?"

"Because I know. More importantly, what're you going to do about it? They're only going to get more and more intense."

"There's nothing to do. Everything from those dreams is all in the past, and everyone who assaulted me in them is done. They're all dead. There's nothing else to take care of, I did it all."

"The attackers are dead, but you are still here being tortured by them in your dreams. Clearly, there is something more that needs to be done."

"I don't need to do anything, I already did it. I kept myself safe, I killed them, they are gone and I am still here. I will not bow to them. I am a prince, I will not let my dreams control me. I'm safe."

"He isn't." Loki didn't like how unsettled that made him feel. "You almost killed him."

"I thought he was an attacker!"

"Do you not see how seeing anyone who startles you as an attacker is dangerous?"

"I was asleep!"

"You see him the same way when you are awake. You can filter it better but it's still there, I can feel it when it happens. You tense in that same way you do when you feel an attacker near you in when you are near him. Your mind immediately looks for any motion that could be construed as an attack. You immediately hear anything he says as a potential pledge of your death. You're waiting for him to attack you. You can't get it in your mind that he is not a threat. The practice is so common for you that you don't even know it's happening anymore."

Loki glared, wishing Amaya could see the hatred in his eyes right now but if Amaya were able to right now, she would tell him it was not hatred he was feeling, it was pain and fear. Loki didn't know how to separate the three anymore. "Look at you, suddenly concerned for my mental well-being. Where did all this come from all of a sudden?"

"I have always been concerned for your mental state Loki. What was I going to do? Back in Jotunheim everyone really was a threat around you. Even if we did have a way to help you heal, it was your trauma that kept you alive."

"I am not traumatized! I am a-"

"You are a scared child who never learned how to be safe, who doesn't know how to trust anyone, and who has no idea what his own emotions are at any given time. You can growl at me all you want, it's true."

"I did what I could to keep myself safe!"

"You don't know what safety is. You think safety is getting them before they get you."

"And whose fault is that?" He could feel all of the pain and anger from millennia of conflict finally burst inside himself. "No one taught me to be ok, no one ever taught me how to feel safe! Who was supposed to do that? You? My parents? Do you know what you all gave me? You gave me the tools to stack my enemies before me in a heap of bodies! Those skills were my safety! If any should try to threaten me, break their necks and let the bodies pile! Now you tell me I'm traumatized, I need to heal, I need to stop seeing him as a threat-"

"He is not a threat-"

"Everyone is a threat! Everyone in my life has been a threat for the past ten millennia!" He didn't like that he could feel tears in his eyes. He could feel his entire body shaking. His mind was in a whirlwind but he couldn't understand his own emotions enough to know why.

His voice came out weak and watery and he hated it. He didn't feel like a warrior, he didn't feel safe. He felt small and vulnerable and alone and like any moment someone would leap out of the shadows and kill him and the worst part was he would deserve it for not being stronger, not being faster, not being more prepared. He felt like a child. "Why didn't you all teach me that not everyone is a threat? If you wanted me to feel ok so bad why didn't you ever teach me not everyone was a threat?"

"Because we didn't have a choice. What were we going to tell you, it was ok? That you were safe? That we could protect you? You weren't safe. We couldn't protect you. You knew that. We couldn't give you any of those things so we gave you what we did have, we gave you the ability to live. We gave you the ability to protect yourself because there was nothing else we could provide. We couldn't save you, we were helpless. The only thing we could do was make sure that you were not."

Silence reigned in the room again. Tony's gasps were getting less and less painful as his new airway started to knit itself together. He was still suffering though, even now and Loki knew it. Even as his breathing got easier and easier it was still painful and it would be painful for a long time now, thanks to him. 

"Be honest with me. Do you really think I can heal?"

"I don't know."

"Then why try?"

"Look at him, look at you, look at where you are. When else would we have ever had an opportunity to attempt this?"

"He's a human. His very existence is painful."

"He's the best shot we have. We can't control what race he happened to be. We never taught you to be safe because you never were, but now, you are. I know you don't want to, I know it goes against everything we taught you, I know you don't know how but you need to learn to trust and you need to learn to feel safe because if you don't, you will kill the only person who has ever tried to help you feel like something other than a monster."

"I am a monster. How do you ever expect me to change that?"

There was no talking after that, there was only silence except for the sound of Tony's gasping.

Loki was still there sitting in the corner of the room watching over him when Tony finally started to wake up hours later. Amaya had been successful. It took the entire morning but she got it done. she was out in the living room passed out from exhaustion. She promised Loki that he would wake up eventually but he insisted on being there for it. He needed to see it for himself.

Tony slowly came to and started to sit up, a hand instinctively going for his throat but Loki was by his side in a second catching his hand and preventing it.

"Don't touch. The muscles there are still weak and irritated, you need to let them heal."

"What are you-" Tony suddenly doubled over with a series of weak dry coughs.  He could barely hear his own voice. It sounded so small.

Tony registered the sound of the door opening and closing before Loki left and he tried to take a deep breath in through his mouth that only ended in another series of coughs. His throat felt terrible, not painful but definitely bad. He wasn't even sure what was wrong with it but he wanted it to go away now.

Soon the door to the room reopened and Loki appeared with a glass of water and his tablet. "Take small sips. Amaya would hate it if you undid all her hard work."

Hard work? What did Amaya do?

He took the water gratefully and took some sips that definitely weren't considered small. He put the glass back down when it was half empty and immediately grabbed his tablet. He opened up a blank document and typed out a short message.

What's going on?

Loki read the message for far longer than was necessary before handing the tablet back to Tony.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Red flag. Tony quickly tried to sort through his memories to figure out what had happened between now and the last time he was conscious. It didn't take long. Slowly everything started to filter back and he turned as realization finally hit him.

You tried to kill me.

"It would seem that way yes."

You were having a nightmare.

Loki tensed, his eyes narrowing slightly. "What business is it of yours what I dream of?"

You've been having nightmares since you got here.

"Again, what business is it of yours what I dream of?"

I saw you. Back when we first got here I used to wish I could go sleep in bed, you know since beds are usually comfortable than couches, Loki rolled his eyes and every time I went in you were having a nightmare.

"I wouldn't recommend trying to get in bed with me especially when I'm already sleeping."

Tony rolled his eyes. Why because the bed is yours?

"No, because if I felt a presence next to me in my sleep I would kill the person without a second thought. I would've thought your current condition would make that clear."

Tony stared at him for a moment. You would kill me just for sleeping next to you?

Loki glared. "For just one second can you realize that not everything is about you? I wouldn't have attacked you because it was you, I would've felt a body in my immediate vicinity when I was defenseless. My natural instinct would have been to defend myself. I wouldn't have realized what I was doing until you were dead under me."

Tony studied him closely listening to every word intently in a way that made Loki feel on edge. How much of what you do is just an instinctual need to defend yourself from a threat that isn't there?

Loki glared at him even more heatedly, the look on his face telling Tony he wasn't getting an answer to that. Tony sighed and typed again. You look tired. Did you wait for me to wake up?

"It was required of me. Amaya's magic was drained from the surgery she assigned me to watch you for any complications."

I'm awake now. Get some sleep. I'm up you can tell Amaya I'm fine later.

Loki stared at the tablet grimly for a moment before he shook his head. "The only thing that will happen is I will have more nightmares."

Tony only had to tap on the tablet for half a second before he was handing the device back to Loki. I'll wake you again.

Tony opened up one of his projects completely missing or ignoring the incredulous look on Loki's face as he stared at him for a few seconds, thinking it had to be a joke as he went and sat down on the chair, only intending to stay until Amaya returned.

He refused to let all of the effort to keep the human alive fail because someone wasn't there to watch and make sure he was ok but still, even he had limits, and right now, they were being tested.

The only thing keeping him awake was adrenaline and fear at the thought of Tony not being alive, but now those things were faded and he had nothing to keep him going. He didn't even feel it when he drifted off to sleep. By the time he noticed, it was too late. 

Loki sat in the giant banquet hall with his Father on one side and Amaya on the other. His loyal guard Verrader was behind him, the only one allowed to guard him anymore. He still didn't feel comfortable being around crowds anymore, he didn't think he ever would be again, but he was required to attend and they were usually safe enough. Usually. It was his father's millennial and the entire kingdom was here to celebrate it with him. It was one of the most grand occasions the Jotun people had ever seen.

He could still hear the slight whispers of dorthrak wherever he turned. No one was likely to do anything with his father beside him and Verrader right behind him, but it still hurt. The incident had only happened a few hundred years earlier. Every detail was still fresh in his mind, he could still hear the screams and in quiet moments, when he was by himself, he could still feel his skin burn.

Still, he would be ok as long as his father was beside him. He remembered the last time someone had tried to get to him in his father's presence. He was sure the rest of the kingdom did too. The man's body was still littered around the courtyard, a reminder to all those would-be assassins, that's what happened to those who tried to threaten Laufey's son. He let a slight shiver run down his body at the thought. He hoped he never had to do that to anyone.

His father glanced at him from the side of his eyes, taking him in carefully to make sure he was ok but he simply gave him a small nod and he turned away, not totally satisfied with his son's condition but as sure as he could be with all these people watching. He could not seem like anything was wrong. He could not make him or his son appear weak.

His mother was off talking to one of the new council heads, trying to explain something as nicely as she could without causing a scene in the banquet hall. The smile on her face made it seem like she was perfectly happy to have whatever conversation she was engaging with, but the way she occasionally glanced nervously at her son let him know she wasn't happy to stay away from him so long. Finally, the conversation ended and she made her way back over to the royal family's table calmly taking her seat beside her husband, not letting her anxiety show.

"They need to be reminded of their place. They cannot keep accosting me at these events like this after everything that has happened. What if something had taken place?"

"Then I would've defended him, as I always do. We cannot make ourselves or Loki appear weak by refusing to engage in the same things and the same ways we used to before the incident. No one here can touch him. As long as he is here with one of us, he will be safe."

"I still do not like it."

"Nor do I Andora but we have no choice."

Another councilman quickly came up to the table, immediately going to his mother and pulling her away to have another conversation which she smiled about. Something Loki was sure could've waited for a better day if he really wanted it to.

He was so hungry. He was not allowed to be served food anymore after the recent poisoning attempt. If he wanted to eat he would have to go to the kitchens when none of the cooks were in there and cook it himself and since leaving to go cook a meal was not currently an option, he had no choice but to starve. If he weren't a prince, he would pick something off of his father and Amaya's plates, but he was a prince and he would not allow the people at the gathering to see him picking at their table for scraps. He held his head high, ignoring the growling in his stomach and the slight feeling of unease and danger that was starting to become normal from being around too many people.

His father could feel his anxiety. "Just a few more hours Loki, then you can leave. We will speed through the presentation of the gifts. The people will leave soon and then you may go, we will not drag this out long."

"We do not have a choice father. If you rush through the festivities the people will notice and they will be upset. The kitchens will run out of alcohol eventually and once they do, the people will go on their own. If I leave any earlier I will be a target. I will stay until they go."

He could see his father didn't like that but unfortunately for him, he was right. Everyone in here watched him like a hawk. Any sign of weakness would be immediately seen as an opportunity to take him out. He renewed his posture, holding his head high and squaring his shoulders back confidently. They would not see the little dorthrak looking anything less than his usual impassive calm.

"I can try to sneak you something."

Loki turned to Amaya with a small smile and shook his head. "Thank you Amaya but that would only confirm their suspicions about me. A savage little undeserving creature who has to be snuck food. I can hear the whispers now."

His father interjected immediately. "You are not savage or undeserving."

"That is not what they think. Let them eat. I would rather they see me starve than scavage."

"You are too proud son."

"Do I have a choice but to be?"

Loki stared straight ahead, taking in the activities of the banquet without actually being a part of them. At some point, his mother came back over and continued eating with them. She refused any other council members that tried to draw her attention saying that she wanted to celebrate with her family and pretending to be far drunker than she actually was to get out of talking about anything serious.

The entire thing went on without a hitch. No one approached him, no one spoke to him, no one tried to kill him. Loki considered that a good day. The days where people were trying to kill him were becoming more common than the ones where they weren't now.

By the end of it all, Loki was exhausted. He sat at the table for hours looking completely untouchable and the whole time, all he wanted to do was collapse. After hours the kitchen finally ran out of liquor. The guests started to filter out, one by one slowly leaving the palace and the monarch family behind with it. It was a long time after that but finally, enough guests and potential attackers left and an appropriate time came for him to retire. He bid his parents good night and got ready to leave.

"Are you sure you do not want us to go with you?" He could feel the nervous feelings coming from his mother and father even though their faces remained as cool and impassive as usual. Loki shook his head.

"I am old enough to attend a banquet, I am old enough to take myself home to my room."

"You are not old enough to attend a banquet." His mother quickly interjected. "You are only here because we have to be and we cannot protect you with you in your room."

"Do you think they will see that?" They looked out at the few remaining Jotun still floating around the hall. Even drunk and celebrating he still saw the way they looked his way searching for any sign of weakness, any sign of a slip-up, any sign of an opening. The mood at the table wasn't nearly as happy as it was in the rest of the festival hall. Loki hated that his family's happy day of celebration had to be ruined. They could never truly celebrate because they had to keep him safe.

"I will see you in the morning. I love you."

"We love you too." Two voices chimed in unison. Loki walked down the hall away from the banquet with Amaya on one side and Verrader on the other finally ready to go to bed.

"Are you sure you don't want to sneak off to the royal kitchens and grab something to eat?"

"No, the cooks will still be there. If they see me in there trying to make anything they will simply poison my food or try to stab me with a kitchen knife."

"You could try that new deflecting spell your mother taught you."

"I still haven't perfected it."

Amaya rolled her eyes. "You never think you've perfected a spell, you are always so critical of your spell work. I have seen you do it in practice, you get it right every time."

"That is practice. It is different when using it for real. Besides she hasn't taught me the advanced version yet. It only diverts blows it doesn't prevent them. They would still be able to stick me, it just wouldn't be anywhere fatal."

"She can't teach you the advanced version because you refuse to let her because you are still fretting over the simple version."

"Simple spells are what allow you to learn advanced spells. I want to be a great mage, not just some simple magic user who can do some fancy tricks and make pretty illusions. I want to be a master, so I must learn it all. Isn't that right Verrader."

"Yes it is my prince. You must study if you want to become great."

The three continued walking until they reached Amaya's rooms. "Are you sure you don't want me to get you something?"

Loki smiled at her. "My thanks Amaya but I'm tired. I would rather go to bed than eat right now. I will cook for myself in the morning before the chefs wake up to try and stop me." She hugged him and smiled and went into her room to get ready for bed. He turned away and started walking down the hallway feeling far less safe but content enough with Verrader by his side.

Sometimes, it was the most basic spells that were the best. Though they couldn't do much, they could be put to use if one knew how to use them right and, unlike larger spells that required a lot of magic and different procedures to do, simpler spells if not being watched for were often nearly undetectable. Loki was always on his guard for attackers, it was something he'd had no choice but to learn in recent years, but tonight he just wasn't looking in the right place.

He took a wrong turn down a hallway similar in location to the one he should've, a confusion spell at work. He stopped at the right number door, a small illusion making it look like his own, and he opened the door and walked in, allowing the tension of the day to slip off of him as he finally let himself feel a little bit safe.

The next thing he knew the lights were on, and all his senses went into overdrive as he realized he wasn't in his room. He heard a sickly familiar voice behind him whispered in his ear. "Time to die little dorthrak." He stared out at the gathering of ten warrior guards from the royal force with spears in hand and staring at him with a gleam in their eye for what was about to happen.

They pounced before Loki could get back to the door. He was thrown to the ground, weapons coming at him from all directions and all he could think was to try and crawl away.

They refused to let him escape. He protected himself as best as he could, curling into a tight ball on the floor but it would only do so much against this much force.

Then, without his permission, his body suddenly uncurled itself, legs and arms stretching out as wide as he could allowing them to stab him wherever they pleased while he screamed in agony.

Loki desperately tried to wiggle away but his body remained frozen and defenseless, the only things he could hear was the laughter of those above him and his own screams of pain. He looked up and he saw Verrader's hands moving in a simple control spell, keeping him there where they could torture him mercilessly for as long as they wanted staring at him with cold, unsaddened eyes.

"Verrader! Please!"

All he could see on his face was hatred as he continued the spell that kept him prone and looked on as he was stuck over and over again. "Die dorthrak." Loki stared on in fear and agony as he was tortured, seeing his life end before his very eyes and being told he deserved it.

Suddenly he could feel his body shaking. He tried to look up at Verrader but he could still barely move his limbs. The control spell could only be broken if either he or his magic was strong enough to overpower the one who was attacking him and at the time, he wasn't.

He shouldn't have been able to break free, but suddenly, with a burst of strength that shouldn't have been possible, he broke the spell and grabbed at one of the attackers without a second thought. He missed when he grabbed him so he tried again, being off by mere centimeters and screaming in fury at not being able to get the thing that was threatening his safety. He pulled his fist back as far as he could and launched it forward at the guard, his child-sized arm suddenly the proportions of an adult as he tried to keep himself safe. He just wanted to erase the pain. He wanted to be safe.

His fist collided with something. It wasn't until then that he opened his eyes and almost started panicking all over again when he realized he wasn't in Jotunheim. Where was he? He was in a room. He was in Amaya's room. Where was Amaya? She was in the living room. He was in a cabin in Alfheim. He wasn't in the palace. He wasn't with the royal guards. He wasn't being killed. So what had his hand collided with?

Loki looked and saw his fist shattering a wall, and right next to it, barely an inch away was a wide-eyed and frantic-looking Tony Stark. He had tried to wake him up again, and Loki had almost killed him again. Loki carefully removed his hand from the wall, ignoring the splinters and stabbing pain going through his hand in favor of his fading panic and fear which was quickly being replaced by rage in the current circumstances.

"What are you doing!"

Tony still had his tablet in hand, held in a vice grip and he handed it to him with a prewritten message on it ready to go.

You had another nightmare.

Loki looked between Tony and the tablet, unable to speak at his renewing feelings of shock, incredulity, and anger.  "When I am woken from a nightmare I attack things! Have you not figured that out by now!"

Yeah. That's why I dodged.

"What do you think you're going to gain from this? What do you want from me!"

I want your trust, and I'm sure I won't get it the first time or the second time, or the thousandth time but I'll keep going until I do get it.

"Are you stubborn or just stupid!"

I'm persistent. I know what I want and when I want something I work at it until I get it. You're no different princess, I'm going to keep trying until you trust me so if waking you up from whatever nightmare fest your head has concocted this time is how I get it, then that's what I'm going to do. I'm sticking my neck out.

Tony went back to his bed and sat down looking once again at his projects. Loki stared at him, his anger only growing by the second before he stormed out of the room in fury and headed back to his bed.

In real life, the story had ended very differently. The torture felt like it lasted for hours but In reality, it couldn't have lasted more than a few minutes. Loki used the deflection spell from his mother as best he could, but it could only do so much. No matter how many times he prevented any blow from being fatal, they still stabbed him over a hundred times between the ten of them, and no matter who he was, that much blood loss was fatal. His magic desperately tried to heal the wounds and fix the damage but it was too great to heal and at that point, it was only delaying the inevitable and Loki knew it. Without help, he would die cold alone and scared. The door opened behind him as the warriors started to leave, leaving him behind to suffer his fate. Loki's vision was fading, but the last thing he saw was Verrader leaving out the door where he came, the one he led him to in the first place. He was the last one to leave.

"Verrader... please..."

He didn't know what else to do. Verrader didn't even turn around.

Loki survived because Amaya came to sneak him food and immediately ran off as fast as she could to tell his parents when she found his room empty. There was a palace-wide search made by the three of them and they barely managed to find him in time. Amaya and Andora worked in tandem to do their best to keep him alive. They couldn't take him to the infirmary. They knew healers wouldn't help him they would have to do it themselves.

The royal force was no longer allowed to guard him after that.  He had to be by at least one of his parent's side at all times and as they knew it would, the sign of weakness, of him being unable to protect himself made the assassination attempts skyrocket in number. His magic training was increased tenfold. He was taught the advanced deflecting spell and more, simple spells, advanced spells, deadly spells, spells mages three times his age didn't dare attempt. He soaked up the knowledge like a sponge and used it to make sure no one would ever get to him again.

Years later a similar incident took place where he was diverted into a wrong room only to be met by a group of attackers. Loki was the only one to leave. At the time when it happened the first time when he was young, he was scared to ever take the life of another person. He didn't know how he would recover from such a thing. Now, he did it without a second thought. He barely blinked when he left the room, the dead bodies littering the floor still inside.

He wasn't afraid. He was alive. He was safe. He was a monster.

Chapter Text

"Mother, do I love you more than all others?"

"More than all others you do." Andora smiled warmly down at her son, fluffing his pillow.

"Father, do I love you more than all others?"

"More than all other you do." Laufey smiled as well and carried him to his bed, his tiny body wrapped tightly against his father's chest as he gently placed him right above his covers ready to be tucked in.

"But that does not compare to how much we love you." Both parents said at the same time and wrapped their son in a big hug as they spoke, warm loving smiles on both of their faces. 

Loki smiled sleepily up at them, his young bright eyes carrying all the love in the world as he wrapped his arms around them as tight as he could, happy, loved and safe. 

"And what about me little brother?"

Loki looked up suddenly, hearing a voice he shouldn't be able to. He saw a face that couldn't be real. He hated his memory. He hated how good it was, how accurate it was because having to see it all still so clear as if it just happened, was torture.

Loki turned to see Blyster standing with the wind whipping around his long dark hair. He looked so much like Laufey it was amazing. People used to joke a long time ago that Laufey had just cloned himself back when everything was ok and his life was happy.

He was standing near a very familiar cliff that made him feel more pain than anything any could do to him ever would. He wasn't sure if he was ok, all of a sudden he couldn't breathe. His parents faded away into dust behind him and it was just them. It was just him, and his big brother.

He no longer felt the warm safety of his bedroom chambers. Now he felt cold and alone. Loki gulped as he stared at his brother's face. Blyster stood there, patiently waiting and staring at him blankly waiting for him to ask the question he had asked him over and over again so many times before. Loki almost choked on the words, tears coming to his eyes.

"Brother, do I love you more than all others?"

Blyster stared at him for a second, looking Loki up and down blankly, considering him. A small eternity passed with his brother just standing there, staring at him before a warm loving smile spread across his face and he opened his arms wide for his brother. "More than all other you do..."

And Loki couldn't help the tears that broke out from his face as a wide grin stretched across his lips and he ran as fast as he could into his brother's loving arms, happily accepting the hug. As soon as he was wrapped in the safety of his brother, he was no longer cold and alone. He was safe and he was warm and he was loved. He was happy. His brother leaned down to his ear.

"...and yet that does not compare to how much I love you. Because if you loved me as much as I loved you, I would still be alive." Loki's eyes opened wide, fear flooding all his senses as he tried to back up from Blyster's grip. Blyster held him tightly in the hug, crushing him to his chest and trapping him there preventing his escape.

"You should have died that day Loki. You should've gone over that cliff with me. That's why I love you more than you love me, little brother. Because if it were the other way around, I would have never allowed such a thing to happen to you."

Loki started to panic as he felt Blyster moving taking calm steady steps back... back... back... back towards the edge of the cliff that ended it all. Loki tried to wiggle and squirm as best he could but he was too small and Blyster was too strong. "Blyster! Blyster please! What are you doing!"

"Correcting your mistake Loki. You never were one for taking responsibility for your action but that's ok. Big brother's here now." Loki looked up with tears still in his eyes as Blyster kept walking smiling down at him all the while.

He screamed but there was no one around to hear him and even if they could hear him, no one would care. It was just him, and his brother and Blyster looked down at him as they reached the edge of the cliff. Blyster looked at his brother with all the love in the world. "I love you, little brother. More than all others." And then they fell.

Loki woke with a start, barely registering the hands on his shoulders or the fact that his hands were currently plastering Tony against a wall with enough force to break something. He was panting, his breath coming out harshly and he had tears in his eyes. He growled, angry he had let himself look so weak in front of this human.

Loki looked up at Tony. He looked scared and sympathetic at the same time and it only made Loki angrier. Tony handed him a tablet, a prewritten message on it and Loki barely glanced at it.

Want to talk about it? Loki sneered at him and removed himself from Tony, taking long strides back to his bed to get as far away from him as possible. 

Why would I want to talk to you?"

It might make you feel better.

"You really think me so weak?"

Sharing your feelings makes you weak?

"Sharing your feelings makes you vulnerable. Being vulnerable makes you a target. Being a target makes you weak. I am not weak."

No one here is targeting you and no one here is calling you weak.

Loki glared at him, not even dignifying that with a response. "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to stop waking me."

I thought I told you I wasn't going to do that.

"How your species has survived this long with such an unreasonable inclination towards danger is beyond me. What did Amaya say about your throat?"

It will have to heal the rest of the way on its own. She says the new muscles and tendons seem to be fitting in with the old ones and healing nicely but she wants to check it every few days to make sure it's all going at a good rate. Loki hummed softly, only half taking in the information but understanding enough to know Tony was ok. She's a good healer. Was she a doctor or so something on Jotunheim? 

"A doctor? Something like that." Loki was barely paying attention, his mind still thinking back to his last nightmare. It was still so vivid and it was all still stuck in his head. He could still see his brother's face...

He came back and realized Tony was still standing in the room. He glared at him. "What are you still doing here?"

Just hanging around.

"Well leave. I do not need you here and I definitely don't want you here."

Tony sighed, exasperated. You're just going to have another nightmare when I do. I'm just going to have to come back.

"No one is asking you to return. I'm specifically asking you to stay away from me."

Not happening princess. I'm waking you up again until we get this right and make some progress.

"Get out. Of my room." There was a tone in his voice that promised death if he was disobeyed and left no room for argument but Tony was becoming more and more immune to that tone by the day. He rolled his eyes and left. Loki knew he would be back. He was stubborn and determined. Stupid human.

He would try to find a way to get Loki to trust him or he would die trying. Loki knew which one he thought was going to happen first. He laid back on his bed, one arm under his head and the other resting lightly against his stomach trying to fight off sleep, but he could only do so much and every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Blyster's face.

Tony got back to the kitchen where Amaya was sitting drink in hand taking in his sorry state. "He was having another nightmare?"

Tony nodded. "You woke him up?"

Tony nodded. "He kicked you out?"

Tony nodded. "At least I don't have to patch up anything major time, which reminds me, this is a terrible idea."

Amaya had already expressed her sentiment to him when she first found out Tony woke Loki up again and planned to do so continuously until Loki trusted him, but just like everyone else in the house, she knew by now that trying to dissuade Tony from doing what he wanted would only encourage him to do it more.

She summoned some magic to the palms of her hands and carefully used it to fix anything in his shoulders that Loki had hurt or almost broken. So where are we in terms of the whole getting him to stop seeing me as a threat thing?

"How much do you know about neuropsychology?"

None of the things I work with are actually alive so very little.

"Ok well basically, his subconscious has stopped registering you as a threat, much to his annoyance to put it lightly. So basically whenever he's looking for threats regarding you he can only rely on his conscious brain."

And that's better?

"It's more accurate. It means there's a filter. He's less likely to see something you do and immediately kill you for it because instead of it immediately being processed as a threat, he has to consciously decide you're trying to hurt him. He'll still be cautious and he'll still react if he sees you do something that might hurt him, but he won't immediately aim for your throat. Probably."

Probably? Is that the best I can get?

"We could go back to not at all."

Tony rolled his eyes in defeat. How do you know all this?

"Healing magic requires a fundamental understanding of whatever body part you're operating on. To operate on a brain you need to know some information on the physical and psychological workings of one so you don't mess something up and you know if everything is working right after."

That's interesting. Loki mentioned you were a healer on Jotunheim.

Tony wasn't sure if the look on Amaya's face meant she wanted to laugh or cry. "Is that how he put it?" Tony was about to say something to follow up when he noticed the slight grimace that passed across Amaya's face.

What's wrong?

"He's having another nightmare."

How do you know?

"Just do. Go. Wake him from it but I am begging you, be careful."

Tony snuck into the room just as quietly as he always did and tried his best to take his time getting to Loki on the bed but he felt bad taking his time with how bad the Jotun looked right now. He was tossing and turning just as wildly as he always did these days. He was muttering something but Tony couldn't make it out to know what it was.

Tony grabbed Loki's shoulders and started shaking him gently. It only took a few minutes before Loki's eyes shot open and Tony immediately threw himself back as far as he could missing being grabbed only by a few inches. He immediately backed up as Loki lunged for him and got up, glaring at him sleepily with blazing red eyes, teeth bared.

He tried to turn around and run but Loki grabbed his leg and dragged him back under him, grabbing his hands and pinning them above his head. Without thinking, Tony wrapped his legs tight around Loki's waist and flipped him over onto his back. He winced as he heard the sound of Loki's head hitting the floor but the impact did the trick. Loki released his hands and suddenly he was looking at him normally and blinking the rest of the sleep out of his eyes.

Loki took a second to observe where he was, on the floor under Tony with Tony's legs still wrapped firmly around his waist and Tony was suddenly very happy about that filter Amaya had been talking about because this did not look good. His eyes narrowed, his body tensing and he felt like he was ready to attack.

"Was I having another nightmare?"

Tony nodded. "Did you try to wake me up?"

Tony nodded. "You really do have a death wish." Loki then looked down to where Tony was still sitting on him with narrowed eyes, his words coming out as a warning, not a suggestion. "You can get off me now."

Tony held out a hand to help Loki up but he ignored it and stood up on his own two feet with a sigh.

Don't I at least get a thank you?

"My thanks. Get out."

Want to talk about it?

"I think we both know the answer to that question is no."

Want to have a drink with me and Amaya?

"Again, no." He saw Tony typing and growled. "Stark whatever it is you're about to suggest to me, the answer is going to be no. I don't want to do anything. What I want is sleep so let me see if I can at least get an hour of it before you come in here with your latest attempt at trying not to get killed."

Tony rolled his eyes. Fine have it your way princess. See you in a few minutes. Loki scowled but Tony was already out the door before he could respond.

Back in the kitchen, Amaya's face had relaxed and she looked a lot better much to Tony's relief.

How did you know he was having a nightmare?

"I have his emotions. When they spike like that it always means he's having a nightmare."

You feel his emotions all the time? I thought it was like a turn on turn off kinda thing.

"No I always know what he's feeling and I always feel it too, his emotions are now mine more or less."

Is that why you still cry when you're asleep.

"Mhm. In my sleep, everything is always more raw, more intense. All the pain and suffering he feels, I can't filter it when I'm unconscious. It all just hurts."

Then how do you deal with that in the daytime? How come you end up ok and he ends up a raging... Him?

"Becasue I know how to regulate his emotions, which he doesn't. I know what his emotions are, he doesn't. I was never emotionally neglected. I know how to think about and process all his emotions, he can't."

And when you say can't...

"I mean can't. As in he doesn't know how and no one taught him he never learned therefore he does not have the ability. His emotional intelligence has boiled down to anything bad is angry and anything good is bad and is therefore filtered back down to angry."

So the only thing he knows how to be is angry?

"Yup. In the presence of others at least."

How often is he actually angry? Besides the filtering down?

"Very little but you wouldn't know it by looking at the way he acts. He believes he's angry, therefore he acts angry which actually makes him angry. Your presence isn't all that helpful with that either. When we first got here the only emotion he could associate with you was anger."

What does he associate with me now?

"Extreme annoyance. He doesn't hate you, despite what he says but he certainly doesn't trust you. Sometimes he finds you interesting."

What does he associate with you?

Amaya looked grim.

"He doesn't trust me as far as he can throw me, which is fair. I did some things... Well, I believe you humans have a saying about mice and men and plans."

But he'll forgive you, right?

"You've met Loki. Does he seem like the type to forgive to you?"

You two have been together longer than I've been alive. Even he can't erase all that history at the push of a button.

"He can't no. He doesn't hate me. He wishes he did but he doesn't, but I hurt him badly and it doesn't matter what my intentions were or what I did it for, to him I still betrayed him and he will never forgive me for that. It won't take a day, it won't take a year, but eventually, he will teach himself to hate me. In many ways, he'll see me the same way he saw you when he first got here."

What are you going to do about it?

Amaya shook her head. "There's nothing to do. I won't stop trying to help him heal. If he has to hate me to get better, then I'll accept that trade gladly."

She swallowed down her drink and was about to pour another one when another deep grimace crossed her face.

"Go. He's having another nightmare. This one is a bad one too so be careful."

Tony walked tiredly back into the kitchen with a few more cuts and bruises than when he left but otherwise no worse for wear. He was exhausted but there was no point in going to sleep. He would just have to get up and wake Loki again in a few hours anyway. He pulled himself up to stand next to Amaya.

If he learned to have those things, the emotional regulation, and intelligence stuff, do you think he could be like you?

"Completely healthy and normally functioning?"

Yeah

"No."

Why not?

"It's different when I experience it. I have the emotions and they are intense but he had to actually live through all of it. I know he may seem terrible but there's a reason he is the way he is. He'll never be completely ok, he would have to erase almost all the years of his life for that."

So there's no hope then?

"Well... It might help him if he talked about it."

He won't talk about it with me.

"That doesn't surprise me."

When's the last time he talked about his problems?

"To other people?" Amaya shook her head. "It's been a long, long time. Loki wasn't one for revealing what was wrong with him even when he was younger. There was only one person he ever shared his problems with. His brother."

He didn't share them with you?

"Not really, no one but Blyster. He loved his brother with all his heart. I don't think there was anyone in all the nine realms he loved more."

And you said he died when he was younger?

"Mhm."

How old was he?

"When Blyster died he was a few millennia."

What's that in human years?

Amaya took a long drink. "In human years he was probably about ten, maybe eleven."

Tony stared at her, blinking slowly in shock. Some things were starting to make sense in his mind.

What did he use to do on Jotunheim when everything in his life was upsetting him? How did he cope?

Amaya looked at Tony curiously. "A number of ways really, but mostly he read. He liked to read."

So he would escape into a story?

"Often times, yes. He-" Amaya stopped mid-sentence with a grunt.

Is he having another nightmare?

"Yes but this one is really bad. I don't think you should go."

And just like that, Tony was on his feet and out of the room on the way to wake Loki up.

"Hello Loki, we're going to play a little game." A group of scarily familiar faces appeared behind Blyster and Loki stared on in fright as they looked at him with cold creepy smiles. "You remember this game don't you brother?" Suddenly all the children were around him in a circle. "Guess who gets to be the human today?"

Loki looked down and almost screamed in terror as his palms were no longer blue, they were pale and he slowly looked up tears falling down his face as he faced his brother to beg him not to, but before he could say anything he was grabbed and thrown to the person to his right. The game had begun.

Loki woke with a start, barely missing punching Tony in the face once again for what felt like the hundredth time, and it was only the first night. He growled in annoyance a the human backed away from where he had been standing by the wall and sat down his back against the bed. Loki glared at him.

"Are you going to make me kick you out again?"

Tony typed out a quick message on his tablet. Sit down.

Loki glared. "Why would I want to sit down with you?"

Tony typed out another message. Please

Loki stared at the screen, eyes still narrowed in distrust, exhaustion clear on his face before he slowly lowered himself to the ground on the wall opposite to where Tony was sitting. As soon as he sat down, Tony started typing.

Once upon a time, there was a boy. This boy was not an ordinary boy, and everyone around him knew it but the boy had yet to discover it himself despite all the signs that were thrown his way. He lived with his abusive family who hated him so much they forced him to sleep under the stairs.

Loki was absolutely confused but Tony just kept typing and turned his tablet around again.

One day, a half-giant man came to his house to tell him that his parents who were dead were famous wizards and that he was also a wizard and that since he had come of age, it was finally time for him to leave the muggle world behind and go to a school where he could learn to use his magic.

The boy leaves and arrives at a train station where he has to go through platform nine and three-quarters to get to the train station where he will be taken to his ultimate destiny. While on the train, he meets two people named Ron and Hermoine. They're going to be his best friends. While on the train he is made fun of for being friends with these kids by this guy names Draco Malfoy who is a rich snob who believes his money makes him better than anyone else.

But despite being picked on for choosing them as friends and despite being someone of prominence, he chooses them as friends and rejects Draco. They immediately become enemies when Draco realizes he won't fall down and worship him like everyone else. When they get to Hogwarts they have to be sorted into different houses. The houses are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin.

Tony turned the tablet back to continue typing but before he could Loki interrupted him. "What are you doing?"

I'm telling you a story."

"I know you're telling me a story. Why are you telling it to me? What is the point?"

Tony stared at him for a second and took his time typing the next part out. Amaya said when you were in Jotunheim and everything was bad, you liked to read. So I figured I'd tell you a story.

Tony wasn't sure if it was the exhaustion, the annoyance, or the mile-long trust issues but Loki looked like someone was genuinely trying to tell him that one plus one was three and a half. "So, Amaya told you for some reason that I like reading, and you just decided to tell me this random story? Why?"

To help you.

"A story won't help me sleep."

I didn't tell it to you to help you sleep. I told it to you to help you feel better.

Loki stared dumbfounded. "My unconscious hours have been wracked with constant torment and you want to read me a story?"

I don't have anything else to give you. Loki just kept staring so Tony kept typing. Originally I thought I could tell you a story from my life, try to commiserate to make you feel better in the name of bonding but the thing is, my life has been pretty good. I'm a spoiled rich genius prince with access to anything I want. I have two loving parents, my realm loves me I get to do the things I love all the time, my life has been good. So I can't tell you any of my stories because I don't have any. So I figured maybe I could share someone else's story and maybe listening to their problems could help take you away from your own for a while.

And as Loki finished reading the entire confession, Tony saw him look up at him was an expression Tony had never seen on his face before. Fear.

"Is this another one of your attempts to get me to tell you what's wrong because it's not going to work."

I know.

"Then why are you doing this!"

Becasue all we've been trying to do is heal you. I still think we should do that, I still want you to trust me, call me selfish but, maybe every once and a while we can look at it from your perspective every once in a while. I mean it's not hard to guess how you feel about all of this, you've been pretty upfront about it all, so how about this: In the waking hours you practice how to get better. You learn how to be healthy and you learn how to adjust and at night when we're in here and I'm waking you up, I help you cope. Does that sound fair?

"...Get out."

I'm not trying to-

"GET OUT!" Loki didn't even read the rest of the message. He got up from his spot on the floor. Somehow, towering over Tony practically seething in rage, in Tony's eyes, all he looked was afraid.

Tony stood up from his spot on the floor without a word and headed back to the kitchen. As soon as he walked through the door, Amaya was in front of him looking panicked.

"What did you do?"

I just read him a story.

"What else there had to be something else!"

No that was it. I read him a story and then he got mad and I left what's the problem?

Amaya stared at him in awe. "Whatever it is you just did when you were in there with him, keep doing it." She walked out of the kitchen leaving Tony confused.

Loki stared at the door where Tony had disappeared for quite a while after he left.

A story. He wanted to read him a story? He wanted to help him cope? He wasn't sure what trick this human was pulling but he wasn't going t o fall for it. He dragged himself back to bed and closed his eyes.

"Oh Loki, did you have another nightmare?"

Loki fought to hide the tears as his brother walked into his room but Blyster could see right through it. He pulled his brothers into his arms in a pattern so familiar to both of them. "Oh, it's ok if you did Loki. Everyone had bad dreams. It's ok to cry sometimes about it."

Loki stopped trying to fight his sadness, lip quivering as he gave up and buried his face in Blyster's shoulder and clung as tightly as his little arms could to his tunic. "There were monsters. They were trying to hurt me."

"I would never let that happen to you. You're safe with me. I'll always keep you safe Loki." Blyster started rocking him back and forth softly, gently, lulling him back into sleep. "Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?" Loki nodded immediately and his brother chuckled. "Which one do you want me to sing?"

"Brother you already know which one!" Blyster laughed again continued to hold Loki tight as he gently started to sing.

"I love you brother dear, I've loved you from the start, and since you came into my life you've always had my heart"

Loki sniffled quietly, joining in to sing the second verse.

"Never will I fear, I know just what to do, when things get rough and life gets tough I think of you"

Loki smiled happily, already starting to fall back into another dream when his brother's grip tightened.

"Now I have no tears, you've made my life so glad, When I don't feel good I think of you and then I'm not so sad" Blyster's grip tightened further, his arms wrapping around Loki too tight.

"Forever through the years, you should always know, because I love you so so much I'll never let you go. Never." Blyster kept squeezing, his grip steadily getting tighter and tighter. Loki couldn't breathe. He started trying to escape Blyster's grip but he was holding him too tight. It was no use. He couldn't get free. "Never."

Loki looked up, tears of panic in his small wide eyes pleading with his brother to please have mercy and struggling with all his might. Blyster just kept smiling rocking him gently and killing him as cruelly and painfully as he could. "Never."

From somewhere, Loki managed to summon a breath of air. "Brother... Please..."

He could hear a train in the distance as his brother smiled. "Never."

Chapter Text

The constant struggle of waking Loki up was the last thing Tony needed to completely rear-end his sleeping schedule. Culture cases and reacclimation classes were both canceled for the foreseeable future until Tony and Loki had the energy to even try to learn something. Tony was exhausted.

The only sleep he could get was the short burst between Loki's nightmares which felt like they occurred every hour and every time Tony woke Loki up, he seemed a little less alright. His eyes still weren't completely focused, even when he was completely awake. His eyes darted to every corner of the room, his guard was still up but it was as if he wasn't sure what to attack. It was as if the more he woke Loki up, the more trouble he was having coming back to the real world, almost as if his dreams and reality were blending. This went on for the next two weeks.

Tony woke up after another power nap and dragged his body to the kitchen where Amaya was waiting as always, drinking and Tony stared at her drink longingly. He had to wait for the all-clear. He tried it one time after Amaya told him not to and felt like he'd just drank battery acid. As it turns out, a newly constructed throat takes longer to heal than he thought.

Let me ask you something.

"What is it?"

You've been letting me wake him up from his sleep these last few days with no problem. Why don't you ever try to wake him up before?

Amaya took another long sip of her drink. "That would not end very well for the both of us."

As in?

"When he wakes up and realizes it's you there with him, he stops attacking. I cannot promise you he'd extend that same courtesy to me."

He wouldn't actually attack you. He loves you.

"Loved. Past tense. All that is gone now."

What did you do to make him so mad at you?

"I did what I had to do to help him cooperate."

What was that?

Amaya shook her slightly as she looked down into her glass sadly. "I threatened to take his magic away from him. Forever. I would have had it destroyed."

Tony stared for a long minute. Can you do that?

"I have his magic under my control so, yes. I could."

Why did you do that?

"To bribe him into getting to know you. He was so against it when he found about the meditation, he was going to swear it off for good. I told him if he complied his magic would be returned to him, but if cooperated, his magic would be returned at the end of the trip."

Don't you think that's a little harsh?

"Yes."

Then why'd you do it?

"Because it's the only way to convince him to get to know you."

Was that worth it?

Amaya opened and closed her mouth. "You don't understand, there are other factors at work here."

It's not just that he loves his magic, is it?

Amaya shook her head. "Back on Jotunheim Loki's magic was his main line of offense and defense again those who would have him dead. He relied on it more than any other thing to keep him safe from any attacks. Without his magic, he'd have died a long time ago. If he goes back to Jotunheim without his magic..."

You would sentence him to death? All for not trying to get to know me?

Amaya shook her head. "There are other factors. He needs to heal."

What are they?

"I can't tell you."

Tony glared and Amaya was sure he was about to try to fight her on this but before he could type it, a thought occurred to both of them. Why hasn't he had a nightmare yet?

Amaya read the message and walked off without a word.

When she opened the door, he was sitting there right across from it at a perfect angle to keep it in sight doing situps.

"What are you doing?"

"Exercising. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"I see you're exercising. Why are you still awake?"

"Does my consciousness upset you? Would you rather I slip into that nightmare-filled torment fest you call a dream?"

"No, but even you can't stay awake forever. How long are you going to be up?"

"Until this entire experiment of yours having the human continue to wake me is over."

Amaya stared in indignation and shock. "You think I have him wake you? I told you it was a terrible idea when he did it the first time and I had to reconstruct his throat! Why would you think I would have him do it!"

"You told him to read to me!"

"He did that on his own! He asked what you liked to do I answered!"

"You haven't stopped him, now have you?"

"He's a stubborn mortal how would you propose I stop him?"

"He's a two hundred pound human figure it out! I've seen you hold back people twice that size before!"

Amaya's face darkened. "Yes. From hurting you."

"But this one you'll let hurt me freely. Oh but then I forgot, you no longer care about my wellbeing do you?"

Amaya took a deep breath, doing the best she could, and tried again. "How long will you try to stay awake? If you want to avoid sleep that's fine, I get that, but you can't stay up forever."

"Why not?"

Amaya glared. "How long Loki?"

"Until the human promises to stop trying to wake me. I will not have his blood on my hands for something I did when I was half-conscious. I will not be responsible for his terrible decisions."

"Really? That's why you're refusing to sleep? Not anything to do with when he read to you-"

"Shut up!" Loki turned on her, his eyes blazing with anger. "That wasn't real how dare you bring that up! I-" Loki stopped himself, seething at Amaya, eyes narrowed into slits. "You really are the worst type of person aren't you? You couldn't help but rub it into my face that your little ploy for me is working could you?"

"I'm not trying to fight you Loki I just want to help! I'm doing this for a reason!"

"You're doing this to spite me-"

"I'm doing this to save you!"

"You're not doing this for me you're doing it for yourself! To revive some long-gone version of your friend you think still exists! He's dead Amaya! He's dead! He died millennia ago falling off the side of that cliff on that day you dare to make me remember! That's why you're doing this!"

"Loki that's not true-"

"Then tell me! Tell me what all of this is for! Tell me why you're making me do this! Surely you don't expect me to believe it's just because you want me to bond with that human!"

"I just want you to heal-"

"Lies! Lies! Lies!" With each angry, desperate word, Loki took another step toward Amaya grasping towards the air as if it had the answers. "My best friend would not let me suffer like this! My best friend would not take my magic! My best find would not use my magic against me! My best friend wouldn't threaten to have my magic destroyed to send me back to a land where I would most definitely be killed without it! You have doomed me over and over and over and over again ever since we got her wall for your own petty and selfish goals that will not come true! Tell me which part of that is healing!"

"Even if it were destroyed I would never let them hurt you! I would never stand by and just let them take you from me-"

"What is the reason, Amaya! You keep acting like there is some magical reason that will make me understand, make me forgive you! Tell me this reason since it is so great, Amaya! Tell me! Tell me!" Amaya was shaking and whimpering. Tears were falling down Loki's cheeks. He was angry, desperate, and hurt. He kept staring at her waiting, for this reason, hoping and begging anything that it was true. He wanted her to have a reason.

"If you have ever loved me half as much as you say you do, you'll tell me why you're putting me through all of this because I do not deserve all of this pain. Least of all from you."

Amaya opened her mouth but closed it immediately, tears falling down her cheeks before she could stop them sobs escaping her throat without her permission but she didn't speak She didn't say a word. There was no reason she could give. He shook his head.

"Get out. Don't come back. I will get my magic back. If trusting this human is what it takes for me to do that, then I'll get it back, and once I do, I will cast the strongest most enhanced wards I can create. Nothing will break it, nothing will alter it, they will be there for eternity, and I will use them to make sure that you mean absolutely nothing to me for all time. Go."

Amaya walked out and slid down against the door. For one brief second, she let her overwhelming sadness take over her. The sound of a pair of stilettos on the wood was the only thing that alerted her to her presence. Why she insisted on wearing them in the house she didn't know but either way, the fact remained, she couldn't deal with the person wearing them right now. She glared up at her as soon as she appeared in her field of vision but she just had the same calm professional look on her face that she always had.

"We need to talk."

Amaya wanted to refuse. She wanted to tell Pepper to leave her alone and go away but she didn't really have that choice and she knew it. She got up and dutifully followed Peppr back to her room, the same place they always met.

As soon as the door was shut behind them, Amaya began. "Is this about the sleeping?"

"No, but believe me that is another conversation that needs to be had."

Amaya grit her teeth. "He's making progress, he really is, you just have to be patient-"

"How many attempts has your friend made on mine's life? I am being more than patient."

"...What do you want?"

"I've been telling them they need more time but they are growing impatient. Apparently, Loki's parents are also. They want him home as soon as possible."

"King Laufey and Queen Andora wouldn't get impatient about such things! They wanted Loki to get better more than anyone else-"

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, they would like him home. That is all they would tell us."

"Unforeseen? What are they talking about?"

"I would like to know that as well. They would like to talk to you. Based on what you say the boys' stay here may be reduced."

"We can't send him back like this."

"For once that's not my call to make, but let me assure you whether they stay here for one more month or one more year, my end of the deal will be upheld."

"It's a death sentence."

"It was necessary."

Amaya's jaw set in anger. "I'm trying to save my friend."

Pepper glared at her, her calm professional mask slipping momentarily. "I'm trying to protect mine. I understand you want to keep your friend safe. If I were you I would do the same thing. But the point stands, I'm not Loki's friend I'm Tony's friend and his attendant and my job is to keep him safe, so if Loki cannot be seen as a non-threat by the time of this wedding, he will return to Jotunheim after the wedding. He does not need to be right next to Anthony to rule with him. We have technology for that."

"Then give him back his magic once we leave so he can defend himself!"

"I was under the impression that under Jotun law a mage who attacks a person without cause-"

"-you know the cause-"

"-without cause is to be executed. The only reason I'm being this nice is that you told me what happened to him and I get that, I really do, but the point still stands that he is a danger to Tony. The only reason I'm helping you this much is that it's better for them to rule together instead of separately but in order for that to happen, I need to know that Loki isn't dangerous. If he gets his magic back by the end of this, either way, you then have no reason to make him try."

"I would have encouraged him to heal on his own-"

"Do you really think he would've? You told Tony on the day that we got here that by the time this trip was over, no progress was likely to be made. He would never have done anything on his own."

"He would have been safer."

"My concern is for Tony's safety. Not Loki's. If he has to rule from Jotunheim, he has to rule from Jotunheim."

"It will be a short-lived reign if you send him back like this. They will kill him."

"Well then you have work to do, don't you?"

"You won't even let me warn him."

"Because he doesn't have the impulse control to not try and kill me if he finds out."

"This isn't fair." She felt like a petulant child, but then, Pepper always had a way of making her feel like that.

"Then you shouldn't have signed it in blood."

"You didn't give me a choice."

"You're right. So better yet, you shouldn't have left Tony alone with him."

"You were there too that day. You knew he was going to provoke him. If you care about him so much why didn't you stop him?"

"Goodbye Amaya."

Amaya glared, wanting desperately to say something scathing, to release her anger onto someone else, but she just grit her teeth and left. Pepper was right, she did have work to do. She had a phone call to make.

Jotun mages did not need to exercise. Through years of combat training as well as constantly defending himself from attacks, Loki was very much so in shape, but since they didn't tend to use their brute strength to fight, it was uncommon to see mages work out in excess. That didn't stop Loki.

He worked for an entire day straight, and then the next day, and then the next day too. Tony and Amaya came in at random times to ask him to stop. He sent them away each time. He didn't sleep the entire time. The very thought drove him mad with fear. Every time exhaustion began to creep in around him, he upped the pace.

He went down for a pushup and didn't make it back up. He tried desperately to move his tired limbs but they refused. Unfortunately, this was the one barrier he couldn't get around. Eventually, his body needed rest even if he refused to allow such things for his mind. He could no longer feel anything. He would be trapped in this position on the floor until his body decided to restart.

His eyes kept darting around the room, unable to completely remember what was real and what wasn't. Was he in Jotunheim? Was he in Alfheim? Was he an adult? Was he a child? Where was his brother. None of it mattered. He just had to keep pushing his body further, make every limb hurt until the pain of each repetition completely shattered the fear and exhaustion in his aching limbs.

His eyes kept darting around the room still trying to figure out what was and wasn't real without the torturous physical activity to distract it, his fear and anxiety the only thing keeping him awake now. His eyes darted to one corner of the room and froze in horror where they were. 

"No."

Everything in Loki screamed escape but all he could do was watch as he walked over to him, smile still on his face.

"Hello, brother."

"No, no go away! Stay over there, you can't be real!" Loki summoned the very last of his strength and in a move that he thought would kill him dragged his body as far as he could to the far corner of the room. It was roughly the space of a few footsteps but he had to crawl there to make it. He huddled away making himself as small as possible to get away from his brother praying against all hope that if he just made himself small enough, his brother would no longer be able to see him. "You're going to hurt me, I know it that's all you do! You're only going to hurt me!"

Blyster had the nerve to laugh, a soft loving chuckle full of amusement and adoration for his brother. He walked over calmly and grabbed Loki by his arm, untangling his exhausted limbs and brought him to the center of the room where he pulled him into his arms. It felt so real. Why did it always have to feel so real...

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"Yes, you are! I am not a fool!"

Blyster laughed again, a warm hearty chuckle that would make Loki want to smile if he weren't so ready for an attack. "Silly Loki. I'm not real, I can't hurt you. I've never hurt you before in our lives. The only one here is you. You're hurting yourself, don't you get that silly child?"

"No! No that's not true! You always appear like this! You grab me lovingly and tell me you love me and then tell me if I loved you more than I... then you..."

"Then I'd still be alive? If you were stronger... If you were braver... If you loved me more... If you just weren't so weak, then you'd still have a brother. But then again, why should you get to cry about it? I'm the one who had to die. It feels quite selfish for you to cry about it. I wish I could regret things, be sad, have dreams, get angry... Exist..."

"Brother please... please I'm sorry I can't... I didn't want this I-"

"Shhhh sh sh sh sh Loki it's ok. I know you're tired. I know you want to go to sleep. It's ok."

His brother grabbed him and held him close. Loki looked up at him, tears in his eyes feeling small again, feeling like a child again. "You're not mad at me for wanting to sleep?"

"No Loki of course I'm not. after all, I can't expect any more from you. You were always going to fail. You're worthless. But that's ok, I forgive you as I always have and as I always will and once you're done, I will take you back even though you will never deserve it because I love you."

"No!" Loki looked up stubbornly, daring to prove his brother wrong. "I'll make you proud brother! I'll stay awake I'll earn your love I'll be better!" Blyster's face never changed. His calm loving smile never faltered, he simply smiled at Loki, running his fingers through his hair. "I won't be weak. I won't fall asleep."

Blyster smiled. "Oh Loki, you stupid little dorthrak, how have you not figured it out yet? What other time do I ever appear to you?" Loki looked up in terror as he finally realized what was going on. He turned to the rest of the room and finally saw that none of it was there anymore, it was just him and Blyster, sitting in a void of space. 

"You're already asleep. Do you want to hear a secret?" Loki shook his head no but Blyster just leaned down to his ear anyways, finally telling his brother his terrible secret.

"You did this to yourself when you pulled that human up first."

And as Loki screamed out in desperation the void opened under him and swallowed him into the abyss.

Loki fell and suddenly he was in a familiar scene. One he wished he could forget. Half his body was hanging off the side of the cliff clutching his brother's hands in his. His brother was on the other side of the cliff, his body hanging in space over the cliff and if he let go, he would die. Tears fell from his eyes.

"Loki... Loki please don't let me go... Loki please..."

Blyster babbled, the words coming out without his permission as for the first time, Loki saw his brother weak. It was always the other way around. His big brother had always done everything to protect him. He was the one who held Loki at night when he had bad dreams. He was the one who would comfort Loki when he was sad. Blyster was never weak, not in front of him anyways. Loki held on tighter. He would not watch his brother die like this.

Loki could feel all the fear, the panic, the separation clinging to his mind that he felt that day and he kept yelling at himself to turn around, look back, but his dream self wouldn't listen. He screamed at himself and begged him to not let go do not to let his brother go.

If Blyster were a mage, pulling him up would be easy. But Blyster was a warrior and older than him. Loki could barely hold on as it was. The magic in his lower half was the only thing weighing him down and keeping him anchored to the side of the cliff, he had to be careful. If he lost too much of that he would go tumbling off the side of the cliff with his brother right there beside him.

He slowly started moving the magic bit by bit from his legs to his armed and pulled as hard as he could to get Blyster towards the edge of the cliff. He could see the look of relief on his face, the fear starting to fade, the tears turning ot tears of joy as he realized he was going to be ok. He was going to live.

Suddenly, Loki felt a presence above him. He tried to turn his head, but he couldn't afford the extra effort. he saw a brief look of fear and shock go across his brother's face and that was the only warning he got. Someone shot out, a foot kicking Blyster back with as much force as it could, send him flying back and dragging Loki along with him. Just before Loki could go over the edge, all of the magic that had flowed to his hands helping him to pull Blyster up shot back down to his legs, anchoring him there, and without the extra strength, Blyster slipped from his grip altogether.

He heard himself scream as Blyster dropped like a stone, staring up at his brother, the tears still flying from his eyes and the same look of disbelief on his face as he fell from the side of the mountain and dropped down... down... down into the icy abyss.

Suddenly Loki was at the top of a very familiar cliff. The same panicked emotions flew through him again as if he was experiencing this for the first time and in his mind he tried to scream at himself to please, please stop, but his young body just refused to listen. His brother was there, staring up at him in fear and desperation. "Please... Please Loki don't let me go... Loki please..." He transferred the magic from his feet to his hands, pulling his brother up.

He refused to let his brother down and he watched, relief flooding his senses, as his brother looked up at him. He started to see his brother get close and closer to the edge of the cliff with him. He could see the relief in his face, the fear starting to fade, the tears turning to tears of joy as he realized he was going ot be ok. He was going to live.

This went on endlessly. Hours upon hours upon eternities upon eons he felt the hope of believing his brother would live only to be brought back down every time at the indescribable feeling of watching as his brother plunged to his death. Then suddenly, he felt someone shaking him, and his brain played what happened next.

He ran as fast as his little legs could take him to the bottom of the mountain, desperately searching amongst the mile-wide banks of snow for his brother, hoping and praying to anything who would listen that his brother was alive. He found him. Blyster's body lay broken and disfigured at the bottom of the cliff where he'd dropped him. 

Loki crawled over to the broken corpse and shook it, trying his best to ignore the way the bones and limbs rattled in a way they wouldn't have for a person who was in tact.

"Blyster? Blyster?" Loki shook him a bit more. "Blyster.... Blyster please... Brother please get up..." Loki slowly stopped, tears falling from his eyes as he begged his brother to live, but it wasn't working. He curled away, folding his body in on itself and clutching at his hair, willing the reality of the situation to go away. "Please... Please... Please... No... No... No... No..." Loki cried out getting louder and louder trying to make the situation not true just with his words but his brother still ay beside him, still and lifeless and he wasn't getting up. Finally, Loki gave up. He opened his mouth and screamed.

Tony stared in fear at the sight Loki made writhing around on the ground in absolute pain his body constricting and moving in unnatural ways trying to get away from something that wasn't really there. It was worse than any time before and it was absolutely terrifying.

He slowly waked over and grabbed Loki by the shoulders as he always did and shook him lightly, gradually increasing the speed until he woke up. Loki opened his eyes and Tony jumped back quickly, trying to get out of the way of Loki's impending attack but this time, Loki never got up.

Loki opened his eyes, looking around, trying to find something that Tony couldn't see.

"Blyster? Blyster?" Tony stared in shock. He didn't think Loki even knew he was there. He simply looked around, hands pawing at the ground searching desperately.

"Blyster.... Blyster please... Brother get up..." Loki reached out, shaking something that wasn't real but whatever it was, it wasn't cooperating with what he was asking it to do. Loki's mind was slowly slipping into madness. "Please... Please... Please... No... No... No... No..."

He curled in on himself, his body retreating from whatever horror his mind was forcing him into. He curled his hands into his hair hard enough to turn his knuckles white, rocking himself back and forth desperately, and as Tony watched the screaming became more and more painful by the second. And then the violence started. 

Tony didn't move until he finally felt someone grab him and turned, attack at the ready to see Amaya pulling him out of the room. He turned to her frantically, still terrified by what he'd just seen.

What are you doing! We need to go in there we need to help him!

"You cannot be in that room right now!"

Why not!

"He's about to destroy it!" They both ducked down instinctively at the sound of a loud crash and screams of pain and fury echoing from the room. Amaya turned back to him after a few seconds. "He can no longer tell reality from his dreams. He doesn't know what's real."

What are we going to do!

"THere's nothing we can do! The only thing that saved Loki from his bad dreams before was his wards! Without them protecting him when he sleeps he can't fend off the dreams!"

They both flinched at another loud crash. Well, go place them on him again then! You have his magic can't you make it happen?

"I don't know how! I only know healing magic mental wards are utility magic I never learned about that, and even if I did there are no natural wards for such things! Loki created those runes himself, he would have to be the one to teach me how to reapply them! We can wait it out and hope he either comes back to reality or falls back asleep but there's nothing I can do! Now you need to come on and stay away from this room!"

Tony turned back suddenly when the screams of destruction slowly transformed into cries of pain and anger. His heart hurt. He never wanted to hear anyone sound like that for the rest of his life. He turned to Amaya, stubborn set in his jaw, and stared at her.

"I'm staying." Tony could barely get the words past his throat and as soon as he did there was a long string of coughs but he stood, sure and stubborn, refusing to let him suffer like this. He typed out a short message to Amaya and took his tablet back. If you want to help put on a pot of coffee. I'm staying.

Tony waited outside the door until the sounds of destruction and grief had quieted down to crying whimpers before he went back into the room. Loki was passed out in the middle of the floor, hunched over awkwardly and sure enough, everything in the room was violently disassembled.

The bed was split in two the dresser had holes in it the wall had cracks running down it. The only thing that somehow managed to survive the assault was the window. He sat down, his tablet beside him where he could work on projects ten feet away from where Loki was just drifting off to sleep. The only person to enter the room for the rest of the night was Amaya, with a pot of coffee.

"He will kill you if you wake him up again. He can no longer realize where he is, he won't truly wake up and he won't be able to help it."

Tony glared up at Amaya, refusing to even get up and he typed a short message on his tablet and presented it to her.

I'm staying.

Chapter Text

Tony's sleep before had been sporadic. Now it was none.

He survived off coffee and hypervigilance watching for signs of Loki waking. The attacks were terrible. It was actually worse than when he was aiming for him. They were definitely a lot more destructive. They used to be fueled by rage, a need to survive. Now they were fueled by grief. 

Loki burst out and destroyed everything in sight, unable to see what was going on or what he was doing. The only good thing was as long as Tony stayed out of sight, he was relatively safe. He had already put together safe zones amongst the rubble where he could hide when Loki woke up.

Tony saw Loki's body twitch in his sleep. He'd be waking up soon. He quickly rolled under the half of the bed that was still elevated and waited for the short countdown for Loki to open his eyes to be over. He didn't try to wake Loki up anymore. If he did, there would be no getting away.

As the weeks went on the attacks slowly started getting less and less violent, not due to lack of trying on Loki's subconscious' part. He was just too tired to move. His movements were sluggish. He didn't have the energy to properly punch or kick.

Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair as he stared at Loki. Loki was getting worse and worse by the day. He was beginning to wonder if he did the right thing insisting on staying, he couldn't do anything to help him. Still, he'd been up longer and for less.

Tony took a long sip of his coffee, his head lilting gratefully as he waited for the effects of the caffeine to kick in. His head immediately shot up when Loki's body started twitching in a familiar way. He dove for one of his holes and watched, waiting for the familiar signs of Loki waking up.

Loki looked up, pure exhaustion on his face, and slowly pushed himself up, his arms shaking with the effort. His whole body was shaking as he tried. He looked like a zombie. He tripped over his feet three times getting off the floor and when he finally did he needed the support of the wall to stand.

He slowly lifted a foot and went to take a step forward, swaying unevenly the entire time but before his foot could hit the floor his eyes rolled back to the back of his head and he collapsed, body hitting the ground with a loud thunk in a heap of limbs. Tony was running to his side immediately.

The next time Amaya came in to bring him coffee he had her do an examination.

"He's in an energy deficit. The sleep he's getting can no longer compensate for the amount of energy he's spending when he's awake. "

No way to fix it I'm guessing?

"More sleep, so no."

Tony propped Loki's body up against the window and waited for him to wake up, sitting only a few feet away. This time when Loki woke up and fell Tony caught him. He placed him back against the window and started planning as he waited again for the process to repeat.

It took another week for Loki to not try to get up at all. The first time it happened Tony sat alert and ready, prepared to catch him once he started but Loki didn't move. He looked like he desperately wanted to but his body simply wouldn't cooperate. He was finally not a danger.

It was more sad than relieving, but it did come with benefits. Tony could close his eyes for a few minutes at a time right after Loki went to sleep. It wasn't nearly enough sleep but it was more than he'd been getting. It also meant Tony could move on to the next part of his plan soon. Amaya gave him the ok only a few days later.

"No long sentences. Stick to simple stuff for now, and drink water."

"Coffee."

"Water."

"Coffee." Tony burst out into a small fit of wet coughs as he massaged his throat. His voice was extremely rough and talking hurt. He figured he'd probably only manage one or two words at a time but it was more than enough.

Amaya rolled her eyes. "Water. I will bring you both if you aren't drinking the water, I will stop bringing the coffee."

With that Amaya left. Tony didn't have to wait long for Loki to wake up next. This time when he saw Loki's eyes slowly open, he tried something different.

"Loki."

His eyes stayed clouded over. His head barely moved but it leaned slightly towards where the voice was coming from. His body tensed slightly but he just fell back asleep moments later. Tony assumed that had to count for something.

The next time he tried he had the same results and the time after that too. But the fourth time he did, he got slightly different results.

"Loki."

A tired hand tried to get up and reach out towards him, Tony could see it shaking with the tiniest of effort, but before he could really move it, Loki's eyes rolled back and he fell back asleep.

He stayed asleep a few seconds longer before he woke up again. It wasn't much, it wasn't really anything, and the scientist in him kept telling him that there was no way to know he was the cause, which was true. He was being very generous letting himself have this, but he had so little to hold on to.

The next time Loki woke up Tony grabbed his hand for him. In retrospect, he wasn't sure if Loki had reached out that hand to hold his or to try to kill him, but either way, he still held it.

"Loki." The second Tony's hand touched him Loki stayed awake long enough for Tony to feel his entire body tense as much as it was able as if waiting for an attack. Tony calmly brought their hands into his lap and continued to hold it waiting for Loki's tensing to stop. It never did, and he fell back asleep, but Tony still insisted on calling it progress.

It was a week later before any true progress could be seen in the situation. By this point all of it was routine. Tony would say Loki's name. He would turn his head slightly in his direction, eyes still glazed. Once he'd shown signs of acknowledging he was there Tony would grab his hand.

Loki tensed as soon as Tony grabbed his hand and brought it into his lap. Tony started to rub the back of Loki's hand gently with his thumb, a habit he'd started unconsciously over the last few days. A few seconds before Loki fell asleep, slowly, ready to undo the process immediately at the first sign of danger, his hand started to unclench.

Tony's head immediately shot up in shock and stared at Loki, a bright smile going across his face before Loki fell asleep once again. It was more than he could've ever hoped for and he was happy for it.

They repeated this every day. Each time Loki waited before his hand unclenched. The time of it never shortened. Tony didn't see it going away any time soon but it was ok. It was something and he would take it.

Loki's sleep slowly increased a few seconds at a time. He twitched just as much and looked just as out of it when he woke up but it was nice that even the little bit of time he could have, he got. Once again the scientist in him told him that was too little to be significant, but he ignored it.

Slowly but surely Tony's voice was getting less and less rough. He was starting to sound more and more like himself. He took advantage of his little break to sip some water and gulp down some coffee. He didn't think he'd ever drunk so much of the stuff in his life, and that was saying something.

He was so tired. he barely slept and the only time he got up was to use the bathroom. He wanted to get up from this one spot but whenever he thought about the possibility of Loki waking up and him not being there it just didn't quite sit right. Being a person's only source of comfort did something to him like that.

He looked at where Loki was sitting, propped up against the window. Tony couldn't help but remember the first time he'd ever seen him walking towards him in the throne room. He looked so sure, so confident. He remembered watching Loki look around.

At the time he thought he'd been trying to calculate everything and everyone's value. Now he knew he was probably trying to decide what was and wasn't a threat. He wondered again what he'd thought he was back then.

Still, even now asleep against the window something about him still looked beautiful, but now instead of sure and confident, he looked sick. Tony had the urge to hold his hand again, but it was too dangerous. It wasn't worth the risk to scare Loki by having him wake up while someone was touching him.

Weeks went by with this same pattern. Tony would keep saying Loki's name. Sometimes he swore he saw Loki's lips moving to try and say something back but he never spoke so he wasn't sure.

At this point, Tony was becoming a bit delusional himself. He was finally finding the limits of his caffeine addiction. Soon he and Loki would be two lifeless masses together.

Tony closed his eyes after he sat Loki back down and tried to keep his sleep light but he couldn't help it. His body fell into a deeper sleep than he meant to. The next time Loki woke up, he was alone.

Loki looked around, desperately searching for his brother mentally even though his body was unable. He got to the part where he found him in the snow and stopped.

He tried to get it to keep going, to get out of this torment and move on to the next terrible cycle but he was trapped, his mind refused to play the next part. He was stuck looking at his brother's corpse.

Where was the voice? There was usually a voice by now, where was it? A hand too, where was that? He never asked for it but it was always there and it never hurt him. That was strange. Things always hurt him.

Where was his caution? There was a time when he would never blindly trust something as feeble as a hand and a nonthreatening voice. Then again if this person killed him, maybe that was all the same too. He just wanted it to be over.

At one point his continued survival was his only focus. Those times felt like they were so long ago. He couldn't remember why he'd cared so much, why he'd tried so hard. What was so great about living? All it ever brought him was pain.

Now, he didn't care. If he had the power he would probably take his own life if it would end all of this torment himself, but he couldn't go through this again. Please, not again, not by himself at least. So he didn't care if the hand held his gently or crushed his windpipe. He would either be dead, or he wouldn't have to be alone. He didn't want to be alone.

Where was it? Was he alone again? Was he abandoned again? Where was it? His dream remained stuck, his past self staring at the corpse as his body reached out feebly, a new even greater terror haunting it as his hand made what little movements it could to find the only object of comfort he had.

His voice made the tiniest noises that even he could admit were pathetic but he needed to find the hand. Had he done something bad? Had he done something wrong again? He always did something wrong. A tear came to his eye and he could vaguely hear the sound of something happening in the distance but he didn't care about the commotion or the dream. He only cared about-

"Loki."

Everything in him froze and then slowly started to relax as he finally heard his name. A hand took his and he could feel a thumb start to stroke the back in the only form of comfort he could process right now.

The dream kept playing but it wasn't as scary anymore. It hurt, it would always hurt, but it wasn't as terrible. He wasn't alone. He might've preferred a crushed windpipe, but at least he wasn't alone anymore.

The cycle restarted and he could feel himself fading back to sleep but just before he did he finally managed to push out the one word he'd been trying to say this entire time.

He wasn't sure how long he was out for. It felt like seconds. In reality, he knew it had to be longer. He didn't feel much more rested when Amaya woke him up but the panic in her eyes immediately made him alert.

"He's panicked. He's reaching for something, what is he reaching for?"

Tony turned to where Loki was keening with his hand twitching from his spot on the floor. It immediately propelled him back into alertness.

"Loki." He tried to make his voice as calm as it usually was and grabbed his hand, stroking it gently the way he always did. As soon as he did he saw Loki immediately start to relax. He breathed a sigh of relief knowing that he was alright.

He untensed, looking as calm as he ever could these days. He was already falling asleep, but right before he did he finally made a sound.

"To... ny..." It was tiny and weak, it could barely be heard, but Tony still heard it.

Tony and Amaya stared, eyes both wide in shock as Loki nodded back off to sleep. They looked at each other but they were both too in shock in awe to describe how they felt at what just happened. Still, a certain point still remained and even if she hoped he ignored it, Amaya still felt the need to say it.

"You can't stay awake forever."

The tiny bit of sleep he had gotten hadn't been nearly enough and he desperately wanted to fall back asleep but the fact still was that Loki needed him to be here when he woke up. He shook his head.

"Staying here." Tony was amazed Loki could recognize him. His voice was still so hoarse and talking still hurt, but it was working. That was all he needed.

"Tony you still have limits."

Tony looked at Loki, fast asleep against the window. Normally he would've let Loki's hand go by now but he just keep holding it stroking it gently and he swore he could see Loki's breathing become a bit more peaceful while he did. He shook his head at Amaya.

"He's closer. Staying here." And that was the end of the discussion.

"How is Loki progressing?"

"He's doing well, my king. All things considered, he's making more progress than we could've expected."

"Enough progress to come home?"

Amaya hesitated. Laufey's eyes narrowed at her through the hologram. "Why bring him back sir? Why not let him stay here and continue to progress?"

"If he's making as much progress as you say, why keep him there?"

"He is making progress, a lot of it, but there is still more he could do. It's not as if after this union is made the two of them will never see each other again. They will rule together side by side forever. The stronger their bond the better for everyone."

"And his acclimation with human culture?"

"It's progressing. As I said, we've mainly been focusing on their personal bond right now. All the more reason for him to stay." Laufey still looked uncertain. "Is something wrong sir?"

"I have received an urgent message from Malphite recently. He believes the Jotun citizens think Loki is not on Jotunheim."

"Sir even if they believe he is on Earth-"

"They do not think he is on Midgard either." That stopped Amaya dead in her tracks.

"Where do they think he is?"

"I'm not sure but it is not hard to narrow it down. If they do not believe he is on Jotunheim and they do not believe he is on Midgard, there aren't many other realms where he would be."

"Sir even if they realize which realm he is on- and that's a big if- they would still have to search an entire realm to find him. It's not as if we are in a highly trafficked place, no one has stumbled on our cabin even once on accident in the time we've been here. The only ones besides us who knows we're here is the human monarchy and I doubt they would be keen to hand out such information."

"Still, I am worried about the possibility of attacks. If someone should find him out there, I am scared to think what might happen."

"Sir, what would you like me to do?"

"Andora believes he will be ok as long as he has his magic. I don't want to pull him when the relationship he's forming is so important to his future. If he leaves for Earth and cannot find a home there, if they come to hate or even worse fear him, I am afraid he will be in just as much danger there as he is in Jotunheim. Is it safe to allow him to stay?"

She wanted to say no. It was definitely the honest answer. If Loki was attacked as he was he would certainly die, but if he went back without his magic, he would also certainly die.

It was between him possibly dying now or definitely dying later. It was a large realm. They wouldn't find them, they were safe. She kept repeating that to herself as she looked at her king with as much confidence as she could muster.

"Loki will be fine here. He is the most skilled mage in all of Jotunheim he has taken on forces the likes of which a single Jotun has never been able to take on before. However many people they bring he will take them down."

Amaya watched as the words filled Laufey with a sense of relief Amaya wished she could echo, but all she felt was fear.

"We have entrusted his well-being to you since you were both too young to be worrying about such things. I have never had to worry about his safety while you were there. Thank you for that Amaya."

"As I always have, and as I always will, I will protect him with my life."

"I know."

Amaya nodded dutifully trying to hold back tears as Laufey's hologram disappeared leaving her in the room in the dark by herself. She wanted to break down. She wanted to fear and cower, but she didn't have time. If Loki was going to be safe he needed his magic back, and right now, there was only one human with the power to help him.

Tony needed a new way to bring Loki back. Shaking him again immediately came to mind, but he was starting to believe that maybe roughly shaking a person who had only violent memories into consciousness wasn't a great idea, violent outburst or not. He needed to heal him. He needed something gentler, something that would let Loki know he was safe. He started planning.

As soon as his voice was healed enough he tried it. Luckily humming softly was a lot easier on his throat than talking as long as he was hydrated. He had practiced talking quietly while Loki was asleep to help strengthen it back up. He was now up to four words without coughing.

As soon as he felt Loki begin to wake up he started. He chose the first song that came to mind. He was actually pretty sure Loki would try to punch him if he knew the actual lyrics at hearing him sing it to him. And if he were currently able to. 

As he expected, Loki immediately tensed, still not sure who it was that was singing to him. He wasn't the best singer or the worst either, but it was still better than nothing. It was something else for Loki's mind to latch onto, something to help ground him in the real world.

It wasn't painful or scary or sudden, he kept his voice as low as possible while still being heard, but it was a start. As soon as he was fully awake, he continued his routine with a simple "Loki" and he felt Loki's hand unclench immediately. Eventually, Loki's breathing evened out and he fell asleep again. Tony waited patiently, ready to repeat the process until the association was made.

He hummed the same song every time always starting as Loki opened his eyes. After a week, Loki's hand stopped clenching when he heard it. Tony thought the association might be made so he tried humming the tune again, this time while Loki was asleep. Loki made a slight face but he didn't wake up. It was progress but it wasn't quite the goal.

Tony kept humming it every time Loki was starting to wake up until another few days went by and he hummed it while Loki was asleep and slowly, he opened his eyes, eyes focusing the tiniest bit on him before he fell back asleep. Tony smiled. He was close, he knew it.

They continued this process. Each time Loki got a bit better and better at grounding himself with the voice, only able to come to slightly for seconds at a time, but it was more than enough. It was giving his brain a break from his nightmares for at least a little while. Eventually, he could focus on Tony for a full minute.

Tony knew he had to approach his next step carefully. He started out very slow. The next time Loki woke he said his name and when he focused in on him, he kept going.

"Hi."

Loki stared at him for a long time, working hard to form the simple word but he finally did. "Hi..." He immediately fell back asleep.

Tony decided to try something a bit more the next time Loki woke up.

"Hi."

"Hi." Loki still looked almost completely drained from just the one word. Tony picked up his water bottle and held it where Loki could see it.

"Water?"

Loki's body tensed immediately. "No." Tony immediately put the water bottle down and didn't ask again. Loki slowly started to relax when he saw that it wouldn't be pushed on him and fell asleep immediately. Talking seemed to take a lot out of him. He fell back asleep faster when he did but it was necessary for what Tony had planned.

Tony really wanted to offer Loki the water again when he woke up again, not drinking anything couldn't be healthy for him, but he forced himself to refrain from it. If he scared Loki now, he might never get another chance to heal him again. "What's my name?"

"Tony."

Tony smiled at him. He was still awake, just a bit, so Tony tried something slightly harder.

"What's your name?"

"Loki."

Tony smiled, he was relieved. Loki was starting to focus in for longer and longer. It was complete, he was never completely awake and he was never completely present. It was as if Tony was stepping into his dream instead of him stepping out into reality but still, it was closer to reality than he had been. He'd take it.

Loki fell back asleep again after that question so Tony had to wait again before he could ask his next question. "Where're you from?"

Loki tensed again. Tony figured he would but he kept stroking his hand and looking at him patiently, waiting. "Jotunheim."

Tony smiled. He decided to wait until next time to ask his next question. He didn't want to make him suffer more than he needed to at one time.

"Where are you?"

That one made him confused. "Jotunheim."

Tony shook his head. "You're on Alfheim."

Loki looked at him confused. "Alfheim?" but he fell back asleep before Tony could say anymore.

He asked again next time Loki was awake. "Where are you?"

"Jotunheim."

Tony shook his head. "You're on Alfheim."

He continued this for days, each time Loki looked confused when Tony would tell him they were really on Alfheim, but eventually, he got it and repeated it back.

"Where are you?"

Loki hesitated. "Alfheim?" Whether he truly believed it or he was just saying it back Tony wasn't sure but still, he had to take what he could get and as far as everything went, this was still another point of progress as far as he was concerned.

Tony smiled. "Yes. You're on Alfheim."

"Alfheim? Tony?" And for the first time, Loki looked around, his head turning as much as it could and he actually started to see the room where he was. It was in shambles, there wasn't a thing unbroken except the window they were currently sitting against but it definitely wasn't Jotunheim. His body untensed slowly and completely and he looked at Tony with more awareness than he had before. "Tony?"

He wanted to say something back, to reassure him, but before he could speak a word, Loki fell back asleep. The next time he woke, his eyes were once again clouded, still not sure he wasn't in a dream but now Tony had the tools to bring him back.

"What's my name?"

"Tony."

"What's your name?"

"Loki."

"Where are you from?"

"Jotunheim."

"Where are you now?"

"Alfheim."

It was hard to answer all the questions. Tony could see the strain it was putting on him. Sometimes he fell asleep before he reached the last one and his eyes stayed clouded, but with each subsequent time he could successfully answer all four, it got easier and easier to get through. Loki was finally getting practice coming back to the real world. He still couldn't get his strength back, he didn't get nearly enough sleep for that, but the break for his brain was enough for now. They could work on the next part later.

Tony had to wait a long time to go to the next part, and he still wasn't sure it would even work, but it was what all of this had been gearing towards. He waited until Loki could come back to the real world about ninety percent of the time and could stay there for almost a minute. It wasn't much but as with the rest of this process, it was more than enough for what he needed.

"Can I tell you a story?"

Loki flinched at the slight cough Tony let out after that and looked at him, clenching slightly. Tony waited patiently. If he said no he wouldn't push it again but it was the only thing he currently had that he knew actually helped him. He didn't know if he could find anything else. Loki slowly nodded.

"Can you read it?"

Loki nodded. Tony already had a few sentences typed out and he held them up for Loki to read. He didn't have much time left. Loki only made it through one of the sentences before he fell back asleep. Tony wasn't sure if it really even did anything. He sighed and sat back still uncertain and started writing out the next few lines of the story.

The next time Loki woke and came to, Tony kept going giving him his tablet to read a few more lines before he fell asleep. He wasn't sure if it was actually working until the third or fourth time he did this, because after that he realized something. Loki finally stopped twitching.

"What makes you so sure this information is accurate?"

"I have scoped every place he is normally seen at in the palace. He is nowhere to be found."

"We haven't seen Amaya for a while either."

"They would never let her go anywhere without her."

"We cannot be sure he is not somewhere we simply haven't searched."

"His father tensed when I suggested he might not be here or on Earth."

"None of this is conclusive!"

The group of three Jotun had been arguing fiercely for the past hour. It was getting exhausting and frustrating but their goal was too important, they pushed their anger aside and forged on.

"I say we search the realms."

"We cannot simply go search the realms blindly," the youngest said, rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration. "One of us is the personal attendant to the king, another is on the Jotun high council."

"Then allow me to go."

The two hesitated. Malphite and the other shared a look before he turned to him. "I am not sure that is wise. Old as you are-"

"Hold your tongue boy. I may be old but I am powerful as well and I have the most right to vengeance."

"No one is denying that you have the most right-"

"Then allow me this chance. I will search the realms, and when I find him, I will take him out." The other two still looked hesitant but they both knew they could not argue against him. They had to let it go.

"We still are not even sure where he is?"

"We know where he isn't. We can guess he isn't on Jotunheim and he also likely isn't on Earth."

"They would never send him to Asgard or Muspelheim. The history there is too great and too dark."

"He is sadly not in Helheim, which leaves Vanaheim Alfheim and Svarthalheim."

"That's three different realms. What do we do now?"

"We search." The oldest said certainly. I will go and find him. Once I have successfully discovered where he is, I will report back here and we can figure out how we're going to move on him to take him out once and for all."

"We still do not know how we will kill him."

"Leave that to me," the girl said, the youngest of them all and one of the strongest mages Jotunheim had to offer. "How soon can you leave

"I will start my search tonight. I'll start with Vanaheim and work my way down the list."

"How long will it take."

"A bit longer than we want, a bit shorter than you might expect. I must work carefully. If Loki discovers we are looking for him while he is there he will kill us all."

"What are we to do while you're out?"

"Wait and prepare. When I find him we will have to move quickly otherwise we will lose him. You must have your method ready by then Ubica. Make sure it is strong."

"Don't worry" Ubica let a tendril of magic creep up from her hand. "By the time I'm done he will be no more. Goodbye, little dorthrak."

They echoed her sentiment wide grins stretched across all their lips and anticipation heavy in the air.

Loki started to recover a lot quicker after that. They helped him escape to another world, even if it wasn't this one. As long as it wasn't Jotunheim, Tony and Loki were ok with that. He was able to come to every time. Each time he would wake up for longer and longer after Tony sang to him, his dreams getting less and less all-consuming. They were still nightmares, but he knew that now. When he woke up he could once again remember that it wasn't real.

Tony kept typing out things for him to read. His voice was still too weak to read it to him, but both their voices were steadily getting better the more they used them. Tony waited until Loki's voice was almost completely healed and he could stay awake for a full three minutes before he said something.

"I want to talk to you."

"Talk about what?" Tony had written less this time and had taken the tablet back early. He only had about a minute before Loki would be back asleep but he wanted to make sure Loki felt as safe and calm as possible before he asked.

"Dreams."

Loki's hand clenched and this time it didn't unclench. Tony just kept stroking it gently. He was surprised Loki still let him do that, though he supposed that was still because moving his body was still quite a struggle.

"Please."

Loki looked away. "Why should I?"

"To stop the nightmares."

"How do you know it'll work?"

"Isn't it worth it to try?"

He definitely wasn't saying yes but at least he wasn't saying no. He looked very uncertain. Tony slowly moved a bit closer. "Please."

Still no response. Tony lifted his other hand. He was happy Loki still couldn't move that much because he'd never get away with doing this otherwise. He gently grabbed Loki's face, his hand softly resting on his cheek lightly as he could, and turned him to look him in the eyes. He was exhausted, he was on fumes of fumes, but he would keep going if it meant he could finally get there.

"Loki. Please." And to his surprise, to both of their surprise, Loki hesitated staring at him, and then he nodded his head yes and before he could say another word, he slowly fell asleep. Tony let him sleep. He didn't hum to wake him up later, he decided to let him rest as long as possible. He grabbed his coffee. He had a feeling they were both going to need their energy for this.

Chapter Text

Despite the conversation, it was another month of healing before Tony even tried to get Loki to speak on his dreams. Both of their voices still needed to heal and Loki needed to have more time to be awake first. Unsurprisingly the more time passed the more he hated the idea again. Finally, the day came. 

"What is my name? What is your name? Where are you from? Where are you now?"

Loki answered all four correctly unsurprisingly. Tony was trying to think of a way for Loki to bring himself back but he couldn't quite figure it out yet.

Tony didn't try to grab his hand anymore. Loki had since gotten the energy back to flinch away from someone trying to touch him again. Tony didn't like how it made him feel the first time he reached for Loki's hand and Loki immediately drew it back in fear but he just tried to remind himself it was good that Loki had the energy to do that.

Loki for his part had finally come to accept that Tony was trying to help him. He'd done too much for that not to be the case. Still, that only made Loki more suspicious but at least he knew whatever Tony was trying to do, he needed him alive and well for it. Accepting that was easier than trying to accept that he meant no harm at all.

Loki's personality was also starting to return, sass and all so when he woke up and Tony didn't have his tablet with a story on it ready for him he got an annoyed sigh and a glare in response. Over the last month, Tony only didn't give Loki a story to read when he wanted to talk about something that would piss Loki off. Today was no exception.

"So you've made progress. You still have one more hurdle."

"I'm assuming you mean my dreams?"

"You can't get better if you don't deal with that."

"How do you know? I was under the assumption you weren't a doctor."

"You're hurting. It doesn't take a doctor to see that. Talking might help you feel better."

It was amazing how different Loki acted when he couldn't scream storm off or fight. It was as if he didn't know what to do with himself otherwise. His body fidgeted slightly, vibrating with nervous energy. He looked like he didn't feel safe and his eyes moved around suspiciously, still doing his best to look angry. "It's not as if this is easy, what you're asking me for."

"I didn't say it was easy. I said it would help." Still Loki stayed silent, so Tony sighed and tried a different approach. "Let's try something different. Your dreams when we first got here weren't nearly as bad, right?" Loki nodded. "Tell me about one of those."

"Why?"

"If they're not as bad I'm assuming they're a bit easier to talk about."

Loki still looked hesitant. "Which one?"

"Whichever one you want. Whichever one is the easiest to talk about."

Loki stared up the ceiling, his eyes moving slightly the only sign that he was actually thinking and not ignoring Tony completely. After a while, he sighed and looked back at him.

"I was a young child, maybe five or six in human years and I went to the doctor for a scrape on my knee. They bandaged me and gave me a light show with their magic. It made me laugh, it was beautiful. I walked out of the room and then immediately walked back in. I was older and I had a spear sticking through my heart. One of the nurses, the head nurse I believe, came over and stuck the spear deeper through my chest before they all left me there to die."

"Did... that actually happen?"

"Not exactly like that but similar things like that yes."

"Have the healers always tried to murder you?"

"When I was young I used to actually enjoy going to the healers quite a bit, even when I wasn't actually sick. They would dote on me and spoil me with treats and shows. They taught me things about magic. They told me when I was older, they would teach me about healing magic so I could become a great healer and help all of Jotunheim. Eventually, every healer in the realm refused to help me, whether it be a scrape on my hand or my throat being almost completely slit. I have never been able to go to a healer since that."

"That's... actually quite terrible. Did you ever get to learn healing magic?"

"Not really. All magic requires two parts, you must have practical knowledge which I have in abundance but you also must have practice. You can practice attack defense and utility magic on your own but healing magic requires another person. An injured person. Normally a mage who wishes to become a healer would go to the medical wing at a certain age and study under a master healer learning how to heal patients, but there was no mage who would teach me and there was no patient who would be healed by me. They... they would quite literally rather die than allow me to touch them."

"Why did they do that to you? Why wouldn't they just let you practice?"

Loki stared off to the side, sing a scene play out that wasn't really there. "When I was younger I had an incident. I made a choice. It was wrong. I have been seen as a monster by them ever since. I am not a Jotun, I am simply a dorthrak."

Tony's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He had all speak but that word didn't translate. "What is that? What's a dorthrak?"

"You don't have a word for it in English but needless to say it isn't exactly a compliment. It is a word reserved for the worst criminals in Jotunheim, the ones most believe should have never been born. The best approximation I can give is an unloveable creature who doesn't deserve to live. Each breath I take to them is seen as air wasted. I am, as some would say, an enemy of the state."

"What did you do?" Loki tensed immediately so Tony immediately moved on and backtracked to something else. "How can the healers just refuse to treat you? Don't they have to help you get better?"

"It was either help me or die by my parents' order. Many chose to die. I'm sure the rest also would have but as I said, healing magic must be taught by a skilled healer. If they killed all of the healers, we would lose the art. It could redevelop eventually but it would require a lot of trial and error and when you're trying to prevent death, trial and error isn't really something you have room for."

"But still. Weren't you like ten?" Loki's eyes narrowed.

"Amaya's been running her mouth again?" Tony kept his lips sealed and Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, in human years I was about ten years old."

"You were a kid."

"They didn't care."

"You were dying."

"They didn't care."

"You're a prince. The crown prince."

Loki glared at him. "Which part of this aren't you getting?"

"So how did you survive? Who healed you when you got hurt?"

"My magic did some of it. A Jotun's own magic doesn't need instruction to heal its host, it will just do it automatically. It often kept me alive until my mother and Amaya arrived. My mother was already a skilled healer. She likely would've taught me if she could've found someone for me to learn on, which she couldn't. She was the one who put me back together when they tried to rip me apart and when she needed help, she called Amaya to help her. That's why she's so good at healing magic now."

"So... your mother had to-"

"It's best not to think about it." Tony stared grimly while Loki continued whatever imaginary scene was going on in his head. Tony could see his eyes start to gloss back over.

"Is that what you do? Just try not to think about it?"

"Would you rather I have to sit here and think about how my mother must have felt swimming through her only living child's intestines trying desperately to keep him alive because her own citizens would rather have him dead? It wasn't exactly a happy situation, for me or anyone who insisted on staying close to me."

Tony wasn't sure he was ok, and he only had to listen to this. He wanted to run away but he shook his head and took a mental deep breath. "I don't want to know how she felt. I want to know how you felt."

"I felt like I was dying obviously."

"What else?"

"I felt like I was in tremendous amounts of pain."

"What else?"

Loki turned to glare at him. "What do you mean what else Stark! What else was there to feel it was bad it was painful what else do you want!"

Tony stayed calm and refused to get mad. "Let's start with the obvious one. How did you feel about the people who attacked you."

"Mad."

"Loki."

"What! What do you expect me to say!"

Tony took a deep breath. "So you mean to tell me, you were a child being attacked by people who were supposed to love you and all you felt was mad? The healers who used to dote on you would rather watch you die, your mother repeatedly had to fight to save your life and you the only thing you felt at that was mad? You didn't feel anything else?"

Loki still looked angry but Tony wasn't affected. "Tell me one more thing. I'll drop it after that."

Loki stayed silent for a long time. Tony continued to wait, trying not to fidget and actually grateful he was too tired to do much more than sit there and wait as he waited for Loki's answer that he knew may never come. "I felt confused."

"Thank you. You did good Loki."

"I do not want or need your compliments Stark."

"Is that because you don't trust them or because you don't know how to take one?" Loki glared but he clearly preferred the insult to my talk about his emotions. Familiar ground, he supposed. "I wrote the next part of the story."

"Give it to me." Tony held the tablet just out of Loki's reach with a glare waiting until Loki finally rolled his eyes and relented. "Please."

"There ya go." Tony handed Loki the tablet. Loki took it with a small huff glaring at him. "You know manners can't hurt you."

"I haven't exactly come from the type of lifestyle where I was required to use them often."

"What, because you're a prince?"

"No because I don't ask people for things."

"You just demand them and you get whatever you want?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "I don't ask or demand for anything Stark, that's your life. If I want something I do it myself. Please and thank you aren't really in my vocabulary. I do everything for myself."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

"Is this the first time you've had to rely on another person for something?" Loki glared, his fingers gripped tightly at the tablet. Tony quickly moved on. "So who's your favorite character so far?"

"Hermoine is the only one with sense. She would've made a great slytherin."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Of course you like slytherin."

"Of course, what's not to like? Let me guess, by your need to jump headfirst into every silly situation you would likely be a Gryffindor."

"Nice guess frosty but not quite. I would probably be in ravenclaw."

"I suppose."

"You disagree?"

"Agreeing would mean acknowledging your intelligence."

"So you admit, I do have some intelligence." Loki rolled his eyes and didn't respond to that. He eventually fell back asleep and Tony took the tablet back writing out the next part of the book for the next time he woke.

The next time he did wake, Tony waited until he came completely to. "So I want to continue talking about dreams."

"Oh goody. Please, don't be overwhelmed by the amount of excitement you must feel coming off of me."

"We can either keep talking about the one we were talking about before or you can choose a different one."

"Both of those are terrible options."

"Maybe but it's the only ones we have."

"We could not talk at all."

"Then you won't get better."

Loki glared at him for a minute but it didn't last as long. He was starting to accept that being rude was no longer going to work on Tony anymore. "Move on to a different one."

"Great. What's another dream you remember?"

Loki gave an annoyed sigh but once again stared up at the ceiling to think about it. "I had to attend the hanging of my former friends when I was younger. I had a dream they were trying to tie a noose around my neck."

"Why would you have to attend something like that?"

"It was a public execution mandated by the crown. There is a law in Jotunheim that has dated back centuries but has never been changed, if you are brave enough to mandate someone's death, it is your responsibility to carry it out as well."

"When you say carry it out..."

"It used to be done in much... worse methods. Now it is simple. There's a rope holding you and a trap door under you. The monarch who mandates the execution must pull the lever to release the trap door. The victim will fall and their neck will be snapped."

"I didn't know Jotunheim did executions."

"We don't, typically. Crime in Jotunheim is fairly low, there isn't much that people would have to commit crimes for. Petty crimes are usually community service or rehabilitation, but Jotun do not believe in jail. So if there is a crime where these two avenues are not seen as enough, the criminal is killed."

"They were children. What did they do that was so bad?"

"They helped carry out a plot to kill me."

"I thought they were your friends."

"So did I." Tony stared at him for a long time before he opened his mouth. "Do not try to ask me how I feel about it Stark. I do not wish to talk about it."

"That's the whole point of this is to start getting through some of this stuff. Tell me one emotion and then I'll drop it."

Loki looked about ready to kill him again. "I felt angry."

Tony opened his mouth to insist Loki give him a better answer but closed it with a sigh. He had told him an emotion, technically that's all he asked for. "Here you go."

Tony handed him the tablet. Loki looked like he had to search for the word for a second but he finally found it. "Thank you." He read until he fell asleep again.

They continued on this process for another week. Each time Loki would wake up Tony would have him pick a dream. He would do so and eventually Tony would get him to figure out at least one of the emotions paired with the event. When he did pick an emotion it was usually angry. He hadn't named much more than that.

"Let's move on. I want you to tell me about a harder dream."

"What do you mean a harder dream?"

"You've only talked about the ones you had when we first got here. What's one you had after we'd been here a while?"

Loki tensed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Loki-"

"I don't want to talk about it Stark! It's bad enough you have me here speaking on every little bad moment that happened to me as a child now you want it to get worse?"

"I want you to get better. Even you must've accepted that at least a little bit by now because you keep talking."

"Yes because I have an abundance of other options right now. I tell you a bad story from my life you let me read, the only escape I have from this place."

Tony wanted to refute it but Loki had a point. He could try to tell him about how he was only here to help but he was sure Loki was tired of that line. He could let him read anyways but it was the only reason Loki had to make any progress. He didn't like the idea of holding the man's only means of actual comfort over his head but the situation being what it was, he didn't have an abundance of options right now either.

"How about this, I'll make you a deal. If you tell me about one of your dreams from after we'd been here a while, I will let you read the entire time next time you wake up. You won't have to answer a single question you won't have to tell me about a single dream."

Loki couldn't hide the desire in his eyes if he wanted to. He glared at Tony viciously, clearly seeing past his cute wording of the situation. Nonetheless, it was a good deal. Even Loki had to admit that.

"I had a dream about a former guard of mine. His name was Verrader."

"You had a personal guard?"

"Yes. He has been my guard since I was a baby. Normally he would only be required to accompany me if I left the palace or the realm but after certain events he was required to be by my side day and night. He was the only guard allowed near me."

"Why?"

"Take a guess it's not hard."

"Did the other guards try to kill you too?" It was becoming so familiar of an answer Tony felt tired having to say it again.

"Yes. Verrader was supposed to be there for me. One night after a banquet in my father's honor, I was walking back to my room with him. He mislead me and tricked me into going into a room filled with warrior guards, all armed with spears. He performed a spell to keep me immobile and while I was they... they..." Loki's eyes glossed over completely as he slowly stopped talking, looking off into the distance at something Tony couldn't see.

"Loki? Loki?" Tony tried humming the song he normally did when he needed Loki to wake up but it had no effect. He was still under. Finally deciding ot go for broke he reached out and shook Loki as gently as he could, slowly getting faster and faster until finally, Loki came to, gasping for air, eyes wide and turning every which way to try and find the source of the danger.

"What's my name?"

"Huh?" Loki turned to him, eyes still wide in fear and panic.

"What's my name Loki!"

"Uh... Tony."

"What's your name?"

"Loki."

"Where are you from?"

"Jotunheim."

"Where are you now?"

Loki took a second to look around, almost confirming it before he dared to speak the words out loud. He said it in a whisper as if saying it too loud would make it true. "Alfheim."

Tony gave him a second to let his breathing go back to normal. Eventually, his eyes stopped shifting nervously around the room and he turned back to Tony. "What was that?"

"I was back there. I remembered being back in that room with the guards. They were stabbing me. Verrader kept the spell so I would not be able to escape. They had clear blows to every part of my body. I tried to deflect as much as possible but the blood loss was too much. I should have certainly died."

"How did you survive?"

"I was found in enough time to be saved. My magic kept me alive for long enough. As I said I used a simple spell to deflect most of the blows so they didn't hit anything fatal."

"I get that but... how did you survive? How did you keep choosing to live through that?"

"I... didn't. As I said magic heals its host automatically, it does not require any skill or input from the host. I had no say in it."

"If you had?" Loki didn't answer but Tony didn't really need him to to know the answer to that question. "Ok last question buttercup, how did it make you feel?"

"Angry."

It was the answer Tony expected but he suddenly remembered the look Loki had on his face when he came to. "Are you sure you were angry?"

"Yes, attempted murder tends to make you feel that way Stark."

"Yeah, I get that but when you woke up from that dream when I shook you just now, you didn't know where you were. You thought you were still there, I saw you check and the entire time you thought you were still there, you didn't look angry once." Loki's eyes narrowed but Tony just kept going. "I don't think you felt angry at all. I think you felt hurt."

"Yes Stark statement of the year being stabbed hurts!"

"No, I mean emotionally hurt. This guy, Verrader right? He was your personal guard, the one who's been guarding you since you were a baby. He lured you to your death and then paralyzed you so you would have no means of escape. He was supposed to protect you and you mean to tell me him betraying you made you feel angry?"

Loki was stiff as a board, glaring daggers into Tony and not speaking a word. Tony gave a small shrug. "I can't pretend I know how that feels personally, but if it were me I wouldn't feel angry."

"Oh yes, Stark and how would you feel with this situation that you have no experience in?" The words were a challenge, a dare for him to give Loki an excuse to rip him apart but he still could barely move and Tony took solace in that as he calmly answered.

"I would be hurt emotionally. I would feel betrayed. I would be sad. If my life experiences were the same as yours I would probably never want to trust anyone else ever again. I would probably assume everyone was out to get me. I would assume everyone either wanted to hurt me or wanted me dead. After all, I'd been right about that all this time and it's kept me alive, why start trusting people and letting people in now? All they do is hurt me. At least that's what I'm assuming I would feel like if that happened to me. Any of this ringing a bell?"

Loki looked absolutely crazed, but luckily for Tony he also looked exhausted. "Go to sleep. You look tired. I'll keep my end of the bargain, when you wake up no questions, no uncomfortable talks. You can rest."

That didn't seem to make him feel any better as he continued to glare, even as his eyes started to close. "You better be grateful that I can't reach you right now Stark. Because if I could..."

Tony wasn't sure if Loki meant to fall asleep right there it if there was another part to that threat but it didn't matter because he was grateful for that. He was sure it was the only reason he was still living.

Tony got to work writing out the next part of the story. He made it a longer passage than normal so Loki wouldn't have to stop for him to type out the next part, but that meant he had to work through his only allotted time to sleep. He gulped down a lethal dose of coffee and kept working. Loki had done his part, now he had to do his.

Tony was barely awake when Loki finally woke up.

"Oh good you're back. What's my name?"

Loki didn't answer. He stared at him confused for a moment before he looked around again. Tony assumed he was still stuck in his dream.

"Loki, what's my name?"

Loki finally turned back to him, the confused expression still on his face. "Your name is Tony my name is Loki I am from Jotunheim I am in Alfheim."

Tony suddenly felt fully awake. "You can do that? I didn't know you could do that aren't you waking up from a nightmare?"

"No." Loki sounded as shocked as Tony looked.

"What do you mean no? What did you dream about?"

"Nothing. I didn't dream anything. I didn't have a nightmare."

A wide smile broke out across Tony's face as he laughed a little. Loki still looked in shock. It was sad the way he looked around slightly, expecting it to be some type of trick but Tony didn't let himself focus on that. It was working. He hadn't had a dream. It was the best win he'd ever gotten.

Tony handed him the tablet. "Here ya go. I wrote out a bit more for you this time."

Loki took it gingerly, looking at it as if it held the answers to life and quickly started going through the words. Suddenly he stopped, looking up at Tony slightly looking almost nervous. "Thank you."

Tony wasn't sure he was talking about the tablet but he just smiled and shrugged anyways. "You're welcome."

Loki immediately went back to the tablet. "Go to sleep. You look like hell."

Tony rolled his eyes. "I can't go to sleep I have to watch over you."

"I can watch over myself Tony, I am an adult incapacitated or not." Loki finally looked up from the book looking Tony up and down. "Go to sleep. I will wake you before I fall asleep myself, I will be fine. You need the rest."

And in his need to protest and argue, Tony almost missed it. Maybe he just didn’t like the thought of Tony watching him while he read but Tony always say there while he read before and it had never been a problem so that only left one option.

Loki was trying to do something nice for him. Tony forced himself to stop and nodded slightly. Loki went back to reading, looking instantly more comfortable as soon as he looked down. Tony slowly put his head down on the floor and nodded off next to Loki as he read.

Chapter Text

Loki scrolled over the last word on the tablet finishing the last part that Tony had written out for him. He swore Stark always left on a cliffhanger. How annoying. He put the tablet down on his lap and looked at the sleeping man in front of him.

Stark twitched slightly in his sleep and Loki went completely still but a happy smile slowly spread across his face and Loki slowly relaxed. The second he relaxed again he chided himself for his concern. He couldn't afford friends or close relationships in his life. There were too many dangers involved in such things. He'd come to accept that long ago.

"He'd leave you like all the others."

Loki's eyes snapped open violently as he heard his brother's voice. He felt like someone had just dumped a bucket of water on him. He quickly looked around, chest rising and falling rapidly looking for the source of the danger but when he looked at Tony he realized he was fine.

Right. He wasn't in Jotunheim. He was in Alfheim. He should wake him up. The thought of him slipping into a nightmare without Tony awake to guide him out of it wasn't comforting.

He immediately stopped and pushed away that thought pattern as soon as it arose. Who was he? He didn't need Tony to stay awake and stay safe! He had been looking out for himself all this time he didn't need Tony's help now. He would let Tony sleep. He could stay awake a bit longer.

Loki was having a harder and harder time deciding how he felt about Tony. Before he would've very happily and easily placed him in the "hate him" category. He didn't see a problem with him being there. Now he wasn't so sure.

He refused to like him in any capacity on any level but still maybe 'hate' wasn't quite the correct word anymore. If he was being honest Loki could've done worse in political husbands. Maybe in another time in another place, he and Tony could've been more.

But Loki wasn't in another time or another place. He was in this one and in this one, Loki would fight to make sure that never happened.

"You don't deserve friends."

Loki bolted awake again and grit his teeth angrily trying to stave off the mental images of his brother. It was always him. No matter what happened when he closed his eyes, that was the only face he could see. It was still the same dream on loop. He was sure at some point Tony would ask about him. He doubted he would actually share.

By that time he should've regained enough energy to finally start moving again and he would finally get up and continue on about his life. Still, maybe he would ask Stark to continue writing him those stories in exchange for something.

He'd have to pretend he wasn't having nightmares anymore, or else Tony would come and try to wake him and he couldn't allow him to be in danger like that, it was bad for international relations. Preventing a war and all that.

Loki fell asleep and didn't fight it deciding he could handle one nightmare on his own. He had the same nightmare as usual but it didn't hurt as much. It was still so painful watching himself but it was just a memory. A painful traumatic memory that would haunt him for the rest of his life, but a memory. It wasn't real.

"Well look who finally figured out he's dreaming."

Loki turned quickly and looked at the image of his brother that appeared sitting in front of him smirking at him. He wasn't in Jotunheim anymore, he was back in the room in Alfheim. Loki turned and checked to make sure Stark was still asleep before he snapped at the false image of his brother.

"What are you doing here? Get away from me!"

"Awww don't be like that Loki. No hug for your dear big brother?"

"You are not my brother." Loki's eyes narrowed dangerously wishing he had his magic so he could just blast the offensive replica of his favorite person.

"And look how long it took you to figure that out. I even told you and you still couldn't figure it out by yourself."

"You do not get to torment my mind for months and judge me!"

"Trust me, I've been here for much longer than a few months and if there's anyone who gets to judge you, it's definitely me. You still don't know what I really am do you?"

Loki grit his teeth getting madder and madder at the fake image by the second. "I know you're annoying. I know you cause me problems and I know I want you dead."

"Oh yes? And how exactly do you plan to do that? You gonna run to your friend Tony?"

"He's not my friend." His response was immediate and filled with venom but the fake image of his brother just smirked.

"He certainly wishes he was. He likes you. He seems to like you a lot in fact."

"He does not like me he just needs me to be alive and well so he can marry me, that is all! He does not care about me!"

"Oh, I disagree. Look at the way he treats you."

Suddenly, a series of images all of Tony flew across Loki's mind. Tony helping him sit down when his body started sliding down the glass. Tony humming to him so he could wake up to something peaceful. Tony holding his hand. It made his whole body feel warm to see him hold his hand like that. He never liked warm before that.

"Those aren't the actions of someone who just needs you alive."

Loki turned to glare at Blyster who had somehow gotten behind him in all this and was looking over his shoulder as if the images were playing on a screen.

"You know you can't let anybody that close to you."

Loki scoffed. "Don't you think I know that?"

"Then push him away." The statement sent a pang through Loki's heart that he didn't like and that, even worse, Blyster saw. His face stretched back out into that cold cruel smirk.

"Unless you don't want to. Unless you like how close he's getting." Loki stayed silent and continued glaring but Blyster's smirk only grew wider. "You like him too."

"I don't like anyone." Loki said it with as much venom as he could but the fake was not concerned.

"Really? Then push him away. It shouldn't be that hard you've done it to everyone else. Push him away if he means nothing."

Loki looked over to where Tony was still sleeping. He really needed a blanket or a pillow or some small form of comfort. It couldn't be good for the human to lay there in a mess of limbs.

Blyster looked like the cat who ate the canary, staring at him waiting for his little brother's reaction to being found out. Loki felt nauseous when he finally saw him but he refused to let the emotion show.

"I haven't done anything to invite him in! I am simply trying to survive in this weakened state and get back my magic it is that simple!"

"You tell him sob story after sob story all day long. How is he to do anything but pity you!"

"That's all my life is, sob stories! Would you rather I stay incapacitated on the ground! I cannot get any sleep to get back any energy because as soon as I fall asleep you show up!"

Blyster turned to look at the sleeping figure of Tony and Loki almost doubled over with the wave of protectiveness that surged through him, the need to defend the sleeping man.

"Why don't you show him who you really are? Then he won't feel so bad for you. Why don't you tell him about what happened to me?"

Loki growled. "You know why I don't speak of that day! Do not speak on my brother as if you are him, you are nothing like he was!"

"Not that one? Fine, why don't you tell him about a different memory? It's not as if that's the only one where you weren't the victim you pretend to be. Why don't you tell him about Mic?"

Loki's blood ran cold. He sat ramrod still not moving a single muscle. "You remember what happened to Mic don't you?"

Loki panicked as Blyster's hand started to reach for his temple.

"Here. Let me jog your memory." And as Blyster's hand made contact, the memory started and Loki screamed.

Loki sat back on his bed reading a book on magic that was two times more advanced than anything he should be reading. He'd mastered all the stuff for his current level years ago and he wanted to move on to some of the more difficult spells.

His mother was pretty set on him learning certain things in a certain order but maybe if he argued well enough he could convince her to let him learn something a little more advanced. Granted the stuff she was giving him was already advanced but he didn't only want to learn attack and defense magic. He wanted to learn it all. He already couldn't learn to heal, he was starting to feel like a weapon.

Everyone in the entire kingdom hated him. Loki let himself look away from the book slightly as he thought about that. Everyone wanted him dead. He wasn't even Jotun anymore. He was just a Dorthrak. He had Amaya but he missed all his old friends. He missed his old life. But all his old friends were dead. Maybe it was selfish to ask for more.

He could still see the ropes, dropped down into the trap doors swinging slightly with the dead bodies inevitably attached at the bottom. He felt anxious and scared. He searched around suddenly, feeling the need to make sure he was alright but he was safe. He was in his room.

No one was allowed down his wing of the castle, not ever since what happened with Verrader millennia ago. Even the guards weren't allowed down here anymore, only his mother, his father, and Amaya, and they were each given specific knocks that no one else knew to replicate so he would know it was one of them at the door.

Loki sighed. He was bored, and he was alone, and he was sad. Not unusual. He didn't want to be alone like this. He didn't want to go out without one of his parents. He knew if he did he would be attacked and while he had to technical skills to do protect himself he didn't actually want to...

He'd never had to kill anyone before. He was hoping he wouldn't have to for a long time, if ever.

'Unless you count me.'

Loki cringed at the sound of Blyster's voice that reared its ugly head from time to time. He wanted to fight it, but it was right. This had all started with a murder, the murder of the one Loki loved the most. His brother Blyster.

Whenever that voice came around it always sad things that Loki couldn't refute. Maybe if he got better at utility magic he could learn to lock it away. He was about to pick up the book again when he heard a sudden knock on his door. He froze instantly. The knock was unfamiliar. It sounded again.

Loki flinched harshly but stayed on the bed. His door was enchanted, no one should be able to knock it down either with brute force or with magic unless they could undo the locks. It was likely another would-be attacker who found where he lived, it wasn't new and no one had been able to break those wards before neither warrior nor mage.

Their structure wasn't even based on Jotun magic, they were inspired by the dwarves. His mother was creative when making them. One of them would have an easier time figuring it out than a Jotun and even they would struggle. He was safe. He went back to his book.

Loki's head shot back up when he heard the sound of the magical locks quickly beginning to undo themselves. He threw the book down and hopped up, unsure of what to do. He looked around for someplace to run but there wasn't any place to go. He had to hide somewhere but there was nowhere that wasn't obvious.

He didn't get away in time before the door opened and all he had time to do was charge a hasty defense spell and hold it at the ready hoping his parents or Amaya would get here in time to save him.

"Loki?"

He paused as he heard a familiar voice that sounded a bit deeper and a bit more cautious than the last time he heard it but familiar nonetheless. The Jotun boy pushed the door open revealing the same curious bright shining eyes Loki remembered so well.

As he pushed his way the rest of the way through the door Loki realized that's all that was familiar. The face that used to be filled with baby fat had slimmed out quite a bit. He couldn't see the rest of him under his cloak but he imagined it was the same story there. He looked really good.

Loki shook his head and dismissed that thought immediately before he went back to staring at the familiar face in disbelief.

"Mic?"

His face slowly broke out into a bright smile as he looked at Loki, completely undeterred by the defensive spell at the ready. "Loki! It's so good to see you!"

Loki immediately closed his eyes and got ready to be killed when Mic ran over to him but all he did was hug him. Loki tensed for a second unsure what to do before he slowly remembered and returned the gesture. Mic pulled back keeping himself at arm's length. Loki tried not to blush from being so close to him but still, even the surprise of these events couldn't completely undo his caution.

"Mic what are you doing here? No one is allowed down here to see me!"

"I know, I know I just got back! I was away for many years on an apprenticeship in Nidavellir."

"Nidavellir? You do not want to become a baker with your father?"

Mic smiled but shook his head. "No, I love and appreciate my father's work but I want to be in the forge!"

"The forge is usually a place for warriors. They do not let mages work there except to place wards for heat protection, you know this!"

"That is why I had to go so far away from home, but don't worry. I'll show them what us mages can do!"

Loki had to smile at the mischief in his eyes, the mischief that often used to match his own when they were little. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed this boy until he was here. Still, Loki fought back his urge to accept the excuse without question.

"What are you doing in my room Mic? If you knew this part of the castle is off-limits, why did you come?"

"I wanted to see you! My father said you aren't to be seen, he won't tell me what happened but I wanted to see my friend! I've missed you."

Then suddenly it all made sense. Mic left before everything with Blyster happened. He didn't know what happened, he had just gotten back. A pang sounded through Loki's heart.

"What's been going on since I left? Why are shut away here like this?"

Loki bit his lip hard to prevent any sound from escaping. He hated the way his eyes watered but he couldn't help it. Mic's sister and mother had been two of the people who helped stage the attack on him. They were both gone. He wondered if Mic knew.

"Loki? Loki what's wrong? Is everything ok?"

Mic leaned in closer looking at Loki's expression trying to find the reason why his friend seemed so upset. Loki broke away from him and went to sit back on his bed. He couldn't look at the other boy.

"I'm fine it's just... A lot has happened so much has gone on and I..." Loki opened and closed his mouth struggling to find the words to explain what happened without making the other boy hate him but he couldn't find anything and it was only making him sadder.

He felt a sudden dip in the bed next to him and froze in fear but before he could speak he felt gentle hands guiding his head into somebody's lap, his body laying down fully on the bed.

"Shhhhh. It's ok. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, I understand things get hard, but I'm right here for you Loki. I promise. I'm back and I'm always going to be here for you."

Loki felt a hand start to gently run itself through his hair and slowly, one muscle at a time, he let himself relax.

He felt terrible. He should tell him, he should confess to what he did, what happened to his family but he had finally found one other person in the whole realm who didn't hate him. He found himself asking if it was really that bad to allow himself to be comforted? To let himself have one other person who didn't see him as a villain, as a dorthrak?

He just wanted one person who didn't know what happened. He wanted to pretend like everything was back to normal.

Loki lay there letting himself be comforted for much longer than he intended to. When he finally looked up and realized how much time had passed, it was an hour later. Loki gasped and quickly shot up immediately.

"You must leave. My mother and Amaya will be here soon, you need to go!"

"Oh Amaya is still here? I would love to see her and the queen, when are they getting here!"

"No, no this is not good you need to go! No one is allowed in this wing of the castle remember, you broke into my room and if they see you here with me when I'm all alone they're going to-"

Loki was cut off by a gentle press of lips to his own. Mic only stayed there for about a second but it was more than enough to render the other mage completely speechless. Mic smiled.

"I will leave. They will not have to know I was here if you do not want them to. Can I return to see you?"

Loki's brain was still offline from the kiss. The words filtered through his brain but he couldn't seem to process them correctly to form a response. He felt a gentle hand on his cheek and a forehead pressed against his. 

"Loki? Can I come back to see you?"

Loki nodded slightly, completely unable to focus with those lips that close again. He leaned in for another kiss only giving himself a few seconds before he broke the contact again and forced his head clear. He grabbed Mic's hand and led him over to the door.

"When you come, knock like this. That will let me know that I can let you in. Tomorrow my family will be away from lunch till supper. You can come then if you wish." Loki added the last part on hastily and immediately turned away with a blush realizing how he must've sounded but Mic just chuckled.

"I will be here then. Until I can return, goodnight my sweet prince." Mic leaned down and kissed him again, which Loki gladly accepted letting it go on for far longer than he should've but he couldn't help it.

Finally, Mic broke the kiss, Loki's mouth following after his embarrassingly, and left the room with a small smile. Loki closed the door and turned back to his room, staring out at nothing feeling everything at once. What had he done?

He touched his lips. No one had ever kissed him before. He shouldn't have done it but it felt so good. He had a bad feeling about all of this. He should tell Mic what happened. That was only fair. He had gotten his sister and mother executed, all because he couldn't protect his own brother. He was a failure and a murderer, he should tell Mic the truth.

But Mic was the only person who didn't know. He was the only one who treated him well, the only one who treated him like he was normal. Even his parents and Amaya couldn't do that anymore, with how protective they had to be over him to make sure he was ok.

Mic was the only one who could make him feel like he was a regular person, like they were back in old times. Was it selfish to want that? As for that bad feeling, everything Mic had said made sense. He'd been so paranoid recently it was hard to even trust his own instincts.

Loki went back to his bed and worked on getting his heart rate down before his mother and Amaya showed up and picked up the book that he had been reading before, the thing that he had wanted to ask his mother completely forgotten and his comprehension of the text suddenly very low.

When his mother and Amaya showed up, they didn't notice anything amiss. Loki put the locks back on the door that Mic had broken so they wouldn't notice anything missing. They asked him what he did that day but he didn't tell them anything and happily went with them to the training yards to practice.

Mic showed up the next day. And the next day. And the day after that and each time Loki let him in without hesitation and quickly brought him into his room with no fear or caution in his heart, only excitement. Each day they talked and laughed and Loki felt normal for just a little bit. He got to be a Jotun again.

Each time Mic kissed him Loki let him. Anything Mic asked him for, Loki gladly gave, whether it be a spellbook he wanted to borrow, a place he wanted to see, or something more, Loki let him have anything he wanted quickly and without hesitation. He was the stars and the moon and the sun to him. He would do anything for him to stay just a little bit longer each day.

It wasn't much later before Loki finally confessed, almost jumping with nerves and feeling completely helpless. "Mic, there's something I have to tell you. I think I'm in love with you."

Mic just smiled and held him close, his hand on his cheek in a way that was beginning to be all too familiar. "I know Loki." He leaned in and kissed him gently. "I love you too."

Loki's face gleamed his heart in his throat and tears in his eyes. He loved him, and he loved him too. He had never felt this much joy at one time before in his life.

The next day when Mic appeared he was wearing his cloak again. He hadn't worn it since the first time he'd appeared at his door months ago but a quick explanation of him going to the forges after this was all the explanation Loki needed.

Loki smiled and led him to his bed where they sat talking and enjoying each other's company. At one point Loki ended up with his head laying peacefully in Mic's lap again, Mic's fingers slowly working their way through his hair again. Everything was so beautiful and perfect.

"I could portal you to Svarthelheim again. You can get some of those crystals for your work."

"I would have to sacrifice more time with you for that. Not something that's worth it." Loki preened at the attention and slowly got up and leaned in for a long, slow kiss. Mic kissed him back happily and slowly led him down to the bed in a fashion that was very familiar to Loki by now. Mic pulled away only slightly, his lips brushing Loki's with every word.

"Loki, do you love me?"

"Yes."

"With all your heart?"

"Will all my heart, I love you." Loki leaned forward to kiss Mic again and shifted his legs to let Mic get between them.

His hip brushed past something and he paused. There was something hard and metal at Mic's waist and it felt familiarly sharp. Part of him wanted to dismiss it as a tool for the forge but it didn't feel like a tool. It felt like something else.

Loki flipped them over in an instant his hand grabbing both of Mic's wrists and holding them high above his head. Loki quickly pulled back the cloak and pulled out what he had felt only moments ago. Just as Loki thought, it was a knife, long serrated and painful looking. He stared at it for far too long, confused, refusing to comprehend what was very obvious.

"Oh Loki. I wish you wouldn't have seen that yet."

Suddenly he felt a head slam into his. The hand that was griping Mic's let go from the shock of the attack and Mic quickly shot him back with a spell that tossed him across the room like a rag doll. Loki got up as fast as he could to see Mic getting up from the bed and dusting himself off.

"Mic what is this about! What are you doing?"

"What is this about? What is this about he says. What a moron." The smooth gentle sound that Loki had grown to associate with Mic's voice was gone. In its place all he could hear was venom and hate. "Do you know how I felt when I found out my mother and sister were hung because of you? Because of what you did? I wanted to do nothing more than you slow prolonged, painful death."

Loki tried to comprehend what Mic was saying but he couldn't understand, even as Mic slowly walked over to him getting closer and closer by the step.

"I thought of nothing more while I worked in the forge but how to make a weapon that would give you the slowest, most painful death imaginable. I was going to stab you, that first day when I opened your door, I was going to stab you and watch you perish in a puddle of your own blood. That was the only thing you deserved you miserable little wretch.

"You sat there and let me comfort you, let me love you, when you are the reason that my family is dead! You are the reason my father cries at night with my mother not beside him! You are the reason I will never see my sister again and you let me sit here and make you feel better as if you are the one who has suffered! I wanted you dead!

"Then I thought about it. I changed my mind at the last second. You know what would be even more devastating? If I made you fall in love with me. So I did, and you made it so easy. You were so sad and desperate for anyone to tell you they cared, I've never seen someone's heart open so fast.

"I was going to lay you down on the bed and make love to you, make you feel like you were truly loved as if someone really cared about you or wanted you, and then after I was done with you, I was going to stab you and I would laugh and explain how I really felt about you while you sat there, alone and used and dying. That plan is clearly gone now, but I'm sure I can still find ways to make you suffer."

Mic started to make the last few steps towards him. Loki was a scared blubbering mess. All his training went out the window, all his knowledge and practice immediately left his mind as he watched Mic get towards him. He was crying so hard he could barely see. He closed his eyes and all he heard was one word echo through his mind clearly above all the pain and hurt. Survive.

With a quick, slopping motion, Loki slashed out with the knife. He felt something spray against his face and hands and slowly opened his eyes when he heard a sudden shocked sound.

Mic had been leaning down towards him when he slashed out. Loki had caught him in his throat. He gasped, horrified by what he'd done and rushed over to where Mic was laying. He didn't know any healing magic, he couldn't fix this.

He looked at the knife and noticed the small runes carved into it, each one designed to make the victim's death slower, more painful, prevent them from passing out, and all other manners of horror that made Loki shake. He turned to where Mic was still convulsing on the ground, blood escaping from his throat much slower than it should have been thanks to the knife, but still fast enough to ensure he would die, eventually. 

Loki quickly went through the list of things he knew trying to find a solution but there wasn't one. He couldn't save him, he couldn't help him. He was going to die. The only question was, how fast. Loki knew what he could do. He just didn't know if he could do it.

He charged the spell and aimed it at Mic's head, tears still running down his face the entire time. "Please. Please don't make me do it. Please I don't want to do it, please!"

Mic turned to him with a glare, choking around the words as he forced them out. "Stupid... Dorthrak..."

Loki fired the spell. A small hole fired through from one side of Mic's head to the other. Those bright beautiful eyes he loved went dark for the last time. Then he looked down, his hands shaking uncontrollably and finally saw what had sprayed on him earlier. Mic's blood. He couldn't stop shaking. He couldn't see straight. He couldn't get his breathing under control.

That's when he screamed.

His mother father and Amaya were all there in a second, prying his hands out of his hair where he was about to rip out his own scalp and checking him immediately for injuries, but they found none. He couldn't stop screaming.

Loki never told them what happened. He never told them why Mic was there and they just assumed he was an attacker who Loki had killed. The knife was proof enough of that.

He saw his father the day he was told and he cried uncontrollably, unable to stop himself. He had lost both his children and his wife all to the same person. Years later he would also die in an attempt to take Loki's life but all he could feel right now was pain.

That night Loki laid down on his bed, alone and sad and curled into the tightest ball he could manage to fit himself into and he cried.

'Stupid'

'Worthless'

'It should've been you'

He shoved a fist into his mouth as he screamed. He couldn't stop shaking.

Loki awoke with a start. He felt like someone had doused him in water. He was gasping and he could feel the urge to get up and flee from danger but the weakened state of his body wouldn't let him. All of the emotions that he had felt were all still fresh in his mind. He barely registered the fact that there was a person sitting in front of him as he tried to breathe.

"What's my name? What's my name?"

His name? What type of a question was that? Who was that? Loki's head kept moving around trying to find the thing that was making his heart race.

"Loki what's my name?"

Why did he keep asking that? Was he supposed to answer? What was the answer? Loki looked and finally saw who it was and paused for a moment.

"Tony."

"What is your name?"

He tried to keep his eyes focused on the person in front of him fighting his instinct to search. "Loki."

"Where are you from?"

"Jotunheim."

"Where are you now?"

"...Alfheim?"

With each question, Loki could feel his panic starting to subside, but he still couldn't help look around slightly anxious. He felt his skin crawling and he wished he could rip it off.

"Loki, Loki stay with me, are you ok? I thought you were going to wake me before you fell asleep what happened!"

"It was an accident. I didn't mean to fall asleep." Loki felt the excuse spill out naturally as the rest of his senses started to slowly focus in and relax, realizing that he wasn't in danger.

Loki tuned in just in time as a hand came towards his face and he automatically fliched back as far away as he could, his heart rate sky rocketing in a moment. He looked back to the face attached the body of the hand and saw Tony looking at him more concerned than usual. Tony. Not Mic.

"Loki what's wrong? What happened?"

Loki tried to glare but it didn't look all that convincing.

"Nothing happened Stark, I'm fine!" Tony's concerned look didn't let up even a little despite Loki's words.

"Something is wrong. You don't usually look that panicked when you wake up anymore. You had a different dream last night didn't you?"

Loki felt his blood run cold at the quick analysis. The level of detail and attention that Stark must have been paying to him to notice that terrified him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to fight but he couldn't do any of that. Then he remembered what that dream was for. 

'Push him away. You can't let people close to you.'

Tony was still looking at him, patiently waiting for an answer to his question. Loki gave a small nod, not wanting to speak. Tony's face immediately looked more sympathetic when he did.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Loki slowly said goodbye to the last time Stark would see him as something other than a monster. It was fine. It didn't matter. What did it matter how Stark saw him anyways? He didn't care.

"When I was younger I had a friend named Mic."

"Oh. Was he one of the ones who was hung?"

"No. He was different." Loki proceeded to explain the whole story to Tony, not leaving out a single detail and refusing to look at him the entire time. He could barely speak it all, the memory playing in his head so fresh in his mind thanks to the dream.

While he spoke Tony sat the entire time. He didn't interrupt. He didn't speak. He just listened, and when he finished Loki sat and waited for the reaction he knew was sure to come.

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

Loki's head snapped up to where Tony was still looking at him with that calm sympathetic look that made Loki want to run and hide or punch something.

"What?"

"I said I'm sorry that happened to you. That was terrible. You shouldn't have had to go through that."

Loki stared at him for a second, not believing what he was hearing. "Maybe you didn't quite understand what I just told you. After getting his mother and sister killed, I hid the truth from him while allowing him to comfort me because I was desperate for someone to care. I let myself be cared about I let someone feel something for me!"

"Letting others love you is wrong?"

Loki didn't feel safe with the way Tony was looking at him, like he wanted to help him, like he wanted to make him better.

"Loving others is wrong? I understand you feel guilty for not telling him about his mother and his sister although doing so would've only put you in danger, but love is not wrong. You shouldn't feel bad for letting someone care about you. Someone taking care of you does not make you a bad person."

Loki stared at him dumbstruck, not even allowing himself to hear the words Tony was saying. It was a lie, it all had to be a lie. Then Tony's face shifted slightly.

"Is that how you feel about me?"

The two stared at each other for a long time. Loki refused to answer the question. He would never answer that question. Tony was the one who finally broke the silence.

"I don't have the next part of the series written. I woke you up as soon as I got up so... I don't... um..."

"It's fine. I couldn't concentrate right now anyways." Loki immediately chided himself for sharing too much when the concerned look came back on Tony's face.

"Loki I-"

"I said it's fine Stark!"

The silence was tense and painful.

"I'm sorry."

Tony was nice enough to barely acknowledge the words when Loki said them. "It's ok."

The two sat in silence for the rest of the time until Loki fell asleep. Just before he did he heard two voices in his ear, both familiar.

'You don't deserve friends.'

'Stupid... Dorthrak...'

What had he done?

Chapter Text

Weeks went by between the two of them and now suddenly everything was awkward. Tony had worked so hard, they both had and it's not like either of them were about to declare their undying love for each other at any moment, but for the first time, they'd reached a place where they were ok. They weren't fighting or arguing and when they did they were able to resolve it.

They weren't perfect but their relationship had suddenly been the best it ever had in the last few weeks and despite the state, they were in if he was honest, it was nice. It was nice not fighting constantly it was nice being able to work together. It was just nice to be around each other.

Some sort of an understanding had been reached that permitted the atmosphere where Tony was allowed to ask about Loki's reams and Loki would then actually answer him and they would have a small conversation afterward and Loki would read himself to sleep.

That one simple routine had kept them going for weeks and it was what finally was able to bring some stability to their relationship. Granted that was small, there was no way to even tell if it would still happen after the two of them left this room, but it was what they had and Tony was happy to take it because, let's be honest, in terms of Loki that was a lot.

Then Loki had told Tony about that dream about that man Verrader in exchange for more time to read and sure enough Tony had delivered on his end of the bargain and when Loki told him to go to sleep, that he looked terrible, Tony did even though he knew he shouldn't have because he was so incredibly tired. He thought hey, he'd get a few minutes of sleep, get back up rested, and recharged take his tablet from Loki, and let him go to sleep in return. It was a simple goal, one he should've known from the start not to believe too heavily in.

For the first thing, he shouldn't have let himself go to sleep while Loki was awake. Even more so than that, he shouldn't have trusted Loki to then wake him up but his tiredness coupled with the fact that Loki hadn't had a dream gave him too much belief that it would be ok, so he went to sleep and when he woke up Loki was slumped against the window asleep and twitching and when he woke up he looked like he was waiting to be attacked again. He had messed up royally.

Then Loki told him the story about Mic and Tony had almost lost his mind. How could someone do something so cruel, so terrible to another person? That was a familiar thought for him during any of Loki's memories but that didn't make it any easier.

Then Loki kept telling him it was his fault and trying to tell him that really he was the villain for letting someone else care for him, care that was never real in the first place though that didn't seem to be much of a factor.

"Is that how you feel about me?"

Tony shouldn't have said that. He knew he shouldn't have said that even before it left his lips but he couldn't help it. The way Loki looked at him like he was mad when he told him that he shouldn't receive basic care was terrifying.

Once again, he missed the days when he thought Loki was just an arrogant prince who simply thought he was better than everybody else. Things had been much simpler back then when he thought Loki was just rude. That, unfortunately, just wasn't the whole story.

Tony saw Loki starting to wake and tried to ignore the image in his mind of Loki twitching once again. Before Tony would've woken Loki up if he'd been having a bad dream like that. They would talk about it and then Loki would eventually go back to sleep and rinse and repeat.

Now, if he woke Loki from his dreams while he was having a nightmare they made the opposite of progress because no matter how much Loki tried to get him to he just couldn't see him as a villain because someone else refused to give him the bare minimum. Now suddenly the days didn't end with them talking and reading and sitting in simple silence.

Now it ended with screaming and yelling and fighting and a lot of insults being thrown around. The worst part was Loki would end everything so mad he refused any help from Tony, even in the form of reading the story off his tablet. That was bad because while talking through his dreams was helping him work through all the trauma, those stories were his only escape.

Now with the way everything was going he wasn't reading and he wasn't talking in any way that actually helped him. Slowly but surely, he was starting to regress right back to where he started.

There was something attacking his mind, something bad and something different from when they first started this Tony could recognize that but whatever it was it was getting worse by the day, and each day when Loki woke up, he looked more and more tired and less and less like he was happy to be awake. That was scary.

Tony needed to figure out how to confront that, and fast because at this point, if they kept going how they were going Tony wouldn't have to save Loki because there wouldn't be anyone there to save. Tony couldn't think about any of that right now though. He couldn't focus on a single thought of it because was so tired.

He was absolutely exhausted. He wasn't sure what was sustaining him at this point, whether it was his stubbornness his pettiness, or his arrogance but whichever thing was keeping him here he clung onto it with all he could. He would've never done all of this just to get to know Loki in the beginning and if asked if he would voluntarily put himself into this position for Loki in the beginning he would've said no, but if he was being honest, this was no longer about getting to know Loki. This was more.

Loki slowly roused himself out of his sleep, eyes clouded, face a little more tired than the last time he woke and looking disappointed by it. Tony sighed and sat up as much as he could manage. He asked Loki the usual four questions, he got them all right, and he opened his mouth to ask Loki what he'd dreamt. Then, as he sat there with his mouth hanging open, no sound came out. Not a single word left his lips. He closed his mouth in frustration and ran a tired hand over his face.

"What's the matter Stark? Finally realizing I'm not worth all this sympathy?"

That was new too. These little comments about how Tony should leave or how he should abandon him and then Loki getting mad at him when Tony disagreed. He sighed and finally looked at Loki completely exhausted.

"No."

They both sat there waiting for Tony to continue but they both sat in silence. He had nothing else to say, nothing to give, nothing to ask. He was tired.

"Well, Stark? Aren't you going to ask me what my latest dream was?"

"No."

Loki looked taken aback by his response. He studied Tony closely, as closely as he could under the circumstances, trying to find what was wrong with the human but there wasn't anything he could see. He refused to give up on him but he didn't want to ask him about his dream. That was a strange combination. Loki didn't know what to do with that thought.

"What do you mean no Stark?"

"I mean no. I'm tired of fighting you. Can we just talk?"

Loki looked as confused as Tony felt but at this point, he wasn't vetoing the things that came out of his mouth before they got there so he just sat and waited for him to either respond in confusion or anger. Luckily for Tony, he picked a mixture of the two.

"We are talking Stark. What are you talking about?"

"I'm tired Lokes. You have successfully yelled and screamed and berated me into exhaustion and I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to fight or argue or try to convince you that other people trying to kill you doesn't make you a bad person. I just want to talk about something trivial. Can we do that without the need for a grudge match?"

Loki looked somewhere between offended and surprised but once again Tony didn't care. The next time Loki woke up Tony would be sure to be back to business as usual asking about dreams and past traumas and learning a lot about the Jotun and being screamed at for it but right now, he wasn't doing any of that. He would let Loki figure out his own reactions and if he got screamed at for it then that's what it was but at least this once he wasn't going to be screamed at for anything serious.

"Are you on some type of drugs or something?"

Tony gestured lazily around him.

"Do you see any drugs here? I haven't even been able to drink since we started this and I have never needed one more before in my life because, and I mean this literally, your life story is one of the saddest things I have ever heard in my entire life. I'm not high I'm completely sober I'm just tired. Do you want to talk about something that doesn't make you scream or do you want to sit here in silence?"

"Are all our little talks going to be this pleasant from now on?"

Tony shook his head. "Nope. You get one. Once I get up next time it will be business as usual but for now, I'm resting."

"And what am I to do while you rest?"

"I already gave you your options you're free to pick one."

Loki regarded him curiously, that way he often did when he was trying to detect some sort of trick but there was no trick to be had.

"What would you even propose we talk about? We don't exactly have a lot of common ground."

That was true enough from what Tony knew. Granted as much as he knew about Loki he still felt like he knew so little so maybe that wasn't as accurate as it appeared to be.

"Tell me about Jotunheim."

"Of all the topics to pick to try not to piss me off, why would you pick that one?"

"You fight hard enough for it. There must be some part of it that you like."

"There are a few but most of them I have not been able to enjoy since I was a child."

"Then tell me about that."

"You want me to talk about my childhood? Isn't that what we've been doing?"

Tony shook his head. "Not the bad parts. Not the parts you hate and that makes you hate everything around you. Tell me about before that. When you were actually a kid. when you felt like a kid."

Loki looked off curiously as if looking at something he forgot existed.

"I have not felt like a child in a long time."

"What made you stop?"

"Attempted murder had a part in it." Tony rolled his eyes and waited. "Did you actually want to know something or do you expect me to drone about a time long ago?"

"Well, I don't know much about Jotun culture as you know. There was someone who was supposed to be teaching me but he was mad at me so instead of teaching me things about their culture, he taught me things that were so trivial that almost put me to sleep."

"Did you not like the ten-hour lecture on Jotun sea life?" Tony glared as hard as he could through tired eyes while Loki smirked.

"Ten hours all on one fish."

"One family of fish. It was different fish they were just all in the same genus and different species."

Tony glared again but it only made Loki chuckle. "What do Jotun do for fun?"

"Once again Stark, I have not acted like a normal Jotun since I was young."

"Then what do Jotun children do for fun. You don't have tv so what do you do all day?"

"Is that all you did as a child was watch TV?"

"Well, that and cause explosions, build robots, and spy on my dad's lab. In retrospect, I honestly didn't watch much TV either. The only shows that interested me as a young kid were Bill Nye and this show about robotics that came on periodically."

"You were causing explosions as a child?"

"A few. I had a love of science and trial and error and not the same level of care for safety regulations or gear."

"How are you still functioning?"

"Pepper mostly. After a certain amount of accidents, she was basically put in charge of keeping me alive. It was her job to make sure I didn't do anything so dangerous it would get me killed. She's done a pretty good job so far."

"You're still here so I suppose that's true."

Tony let the room fall silent for a moment enjoying the fact that it wasn't awkward or painful silence and no yelling had happened and no concerning truths or memories were revealed.

"You never answered the question."

"About what Jotun children do for fun?" Tony nodded. "There were a great many games when I was young. We didn't have things to explode or television to watch so we played outside."

"We? You played too?"

"As you said, this is from when I was actually a child. I liked some of the games, not all but those I did enjoy I played enthusiastically."

"What were they?"

"Many different ones. There was a game involving a ball made of ice and the mages would hurl it at each other. The rules were you could not touch the ball and it could not hit the ground. You had to use different spells to keep the ball in motion. Last person standing won."

"Were you any good?"

"I was undefeated. I had a vast pool of magic to draw from and I was advanced in knowledge. It was common for the other children to strategize by using their spells in tandem to make it harder for me to return. They never found a combination that was able to throw me."

"You played that with a ball made of ice? Didn't that hurt?"

"Not much. A Jotun's skin is much thicker than a human's. Even a mage would be able to withstand blow that mild."

"Oh yeah, warriors and mages are different. Did they have any games?"

"Yes. Most of them involved some type of wrestling and all of them excluded magic. For obvious reasons I tended to avoid them."

"Did the warriors and mages ever play together?"

"Often. We weren't trying to avoid or exclude each other after all, we just knew that the games we most enjoyed were ones made for our skill sets. Warriors and mages often played together, there were entire sets of games we had for that."

"So you all just played all day amongst yourself together? That actually sounds really nice."

"It was back then. Everything was nice at that time."

"Really? What else did you use to do?"

"Not much really. I liked to read and explore for the most part that's what I did."

"Where did you explore?"

"The woods around the palace. They were beautiful, I was in love with them. I used to explore through them for hours on end finding new hidden nooks and different animals."

"Wait wait wait. You were allowed to go explore in the woods as a child alone?"

"I was but I usually didn't go alone, I had-"

Loki cut himself off. It was as if someone had flipped a switch.

"Had what? Your magic?"

Tony was sure that's what it was but he just shook his head.

"No. I had my brother. He would often come with me to the woods just to let me explore. He loved coming with me to do things like that."

Tony regarded Loki carefully. THe whistful expression was completely gone and now he only looked sad and tired. Tony felt bad.

"You know you never talk about him."

"I know. I don't talk about him for a reason."

"Amaya told me his death really upset you."

Tony wasn't sure if mentioning Amaya was a good idea right now but to his surprise, Loki didn't react. He just looked even more tired and shook his head.

"It did more than that. A lot more."

Tony wasn't sure if he should speak. His first instinct was to sit back and shut up and let them both just sit there in silence for the rest of the time but he just couldn't help it. He just needed to know.

"Tell me about him."

"about my brother? No."

"Why not?"

"You already know I don't like to speak on him Stark what makes you think I would want to talk about him?"

"Because we're talking about happy times and you had happy times with him. I'd even bet some of your happiest times might've been with him so it's worth reminiscing."

"I did have a lot of happy times with my brother. I also had the worst day of my life with him. I would rather not think about one. It will only lead me to think about the other."

That, Tony, couldn't refuse even if he wanted to but the science side of his brain was still working and he still wasn't filtering the words coming out of his mouth.

"When's the last time you talked about your brother?"

"When I explained what happened to him to my parents. I don't really feel like reopening the discussion."

"You ever think that's not good for you?" Loki leveled him with a glare, a clear sign for Tony to stop talking so he ignored it. "His death had a big impact on you and yet you don't talk about it to anyone. It's not good for you."

"There weren't exactly that many people there trying to hear my side of the story."

"Why?"

"Because I'm the one who killed him."

That finally woke Tony up out of his sleep. He blinked a few times trying to see past the shock as he looked up at Loki, and there it was, that all too familiar look of Loki expecting Tony to see him as a monster. Tony's eyes narrowed.

"I don't believe you."

Loki spluttered and stared at him. His eyes were wide and he was already angry but he managed to spit out a single word past his fury.

"What?"

"I don't believe you. Whenever you look at me like that you look at me like you expect me to see you as some type of villain or evil force and usually it's for something that wasn't your fault or something where you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't kill him. I don't believe you."

If Loki could've snapped Tony's head from his neck at that moment he would've, a fact he gladly conveyed by the murderous intent in his eyes.

"You want to assume so much. You're so smart Stark, fine. You tell me what happened. You want to pretend like you know me? You tell me what happened."

He knew Loki hadn't meant for him to actually take that as a challenge but of course, he did and he quietly sat back thinking about all the details he knew, which weren't many. Loki had a brother, he was older, he died and Loki says he killed him. Loki loved him a lot and he assumed his brother loved him too so murder didn't really seem like the answer. So...

"An accident. Something happened, an accident between you two, and somehow in the end it resulted in his death."

Loki stared at him. Clearly Tony had gotten more correct than he had thought he would.

"Moreover, I'm assuming everyone else thought it was on purpose and made you the villain of the whole ordeal. You said that you made a choice when you were younger. That choice is probably the accident that led to his death and made everyone vilify you. Am I correct?"

Loki stared at him for several moments in complete silence, clearly trying to analyze the human and obviously not coming up with any answers he liked.

"How much did Amaya tell you about this?"

"Nothing other than you had a brother and he died. The rest I got from context clues. I know how to read a situation."

Loki glared at him. "Well, congratulations you know the whole story then."

"Not really. I still don't know what happened or why or how or anything really. All I know is there was an accident." Tony stayed silent hoping Loki would offer the information up but as he assumed, he didn't say anything. "Talking about it might help."

"It won't."

"Yes, it will. It has so far."

"This is different. It won't help."

"How do you know?"

Loki's jaw set stubbornly and Tony wasn't expecting an answer after that, so he was surprised when he actually got one.

"Do you know how many people know the story of what happened to my brother? Most of Jotunheim."

"Yeah, but they don't know your side of it though."

"They don't care. Honestly, it doesn't matter. The point and the end results of it are all the same and it all ends with the same results. Another person trying to shove a knife in my back."

"Loki, you couldn't push me away from you like that if you tried. You actually have been trying and you still haven't succeeded. What makes you think this is any different?"

Loki shook his head stubbornly.

"I wasn't attempting to make you hate me I just wanted to end the endless amounts of sympathy you always have pouring out of you for me. I do not need such things from others. I am barely even able to move. I am not giving you the motivation to be my latest attacker when you actually have a chance to succeed."

Tony looked off for a minute, the gears in his head turning. "Is that your main concern? Me trying to attack you after I know something?"

"Everyone has and does."

Tony nodded. "Great. Give me a second."

Tony slowly got up on wobbly legs. He walked out unsteadily and headed for the door.

"What are you doing Stark?"

"Evening things out." Tony threw the words over his shoulder even as he walked out of the room. He needed to hurry. He didn't have that much energy to be doing this.

Amaya was startled when she heard the knock on her door but answered it quickly knowing it could only be one person. She opened the door ready to yell and was surprised to see Tony standing there instead of looking like death.

"Tony what are you-"

"I need you to grab my gun that's in the living room and bring it to the room where Loki and I are. Find something to tie a knot with too, something strong."

"What? Why?"

Her alarm was understandable but Tony didn't have the time or energy left to sit here and try to explain everything.

"I'm trying to prove a point to Loki just do it. I'll see you in a sec."

Tony walked away before she could say anything and headed back to the room. When he got there he saw Loki sitting in the same spot where he'd left him, not as if he had a choice but still.

He walked over and sat down against the window right next to him. He ignored the way Loki tensed when he got near and took a deep sigh of relief happy to be back on the ground sitting. He hadn't realized how much all of this was affecting his muscles too.

"What is the meaning of this Stark? What are you doing?"

"I already told you. I'm evening things out."

Amaya walked into the room a second later and Loki went stiff as a board when he saw the gun in her hand but Tony ignored that too.

"Can you make a pocket dimension?"

"Yes, it's one of the first spells any mage learns."

"Great. Make one and throw that in there."

Loki turned to Tony equal parts shock and suspicion. Amaya on the other hand looked hesitant.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Do it now."

Amaya shrugged completely confused but she did as she was told and made the pocket dimension and shoved the gun inside before closing it immediately after.

"Great. THat's the only gun I brought with me in the house. You can have Amaya check all my things after this if you don't believe me." Loki didn't speak. He was still staring at him with that same look of distrust and confusion so Tony continued.

"Did you find something to tie a knot with?"

Amaya held up a long length of rope his father had probably left behind at one point after a hunting trip or some other adventure.

"Great. How good are your rope tying skills?"

"Pretty good."

"Great. Tie me up and make them tight."

This time Amaya also looked at him like he was crazy.

"How are you going to get out of it?"

"I don't know and I don't care. Tie me up we'll reach that bridge when we get there."

Amaya looked like she wanted to argue, she opened her mouth too but after a moment she sighed and accepted the situation and tied Tony as tight as she could, which turned out to be very, very tight. He tried with all his might to pull against the restraints and they didn't even budge.

Amaya left after realizing she was no longer needed and Tony and Loki were once again alone. Tony wished he could see him but he couldn't turn without falling so he put his head back against the glass next to Loki's.

"There's no risk anymore. I'm all tied up. My only weapon is in another dimension and I am completely incapacitated. I won't want to hurt you, but even if I did, I couldn't if I tried."

Tony couldn't see Loki's facial expression but he could imagine him still looking at him trying to find the trick in his actions.

"Stark, if this is some kind of trap-"

"No trap. No trick. No lies. I just want to listen."

There was silence for a minute a deep silence where Loki thought about everything Tony had said, everything that he had done and it wasn't adding up. It wasn't making sense.

"Why have you done this? Why limit and handicap yourself just to hear me sob? Why are you still here?"

And Tony opened his mouth to answer but before he could let the words leave his lips he closed them again because he realized his old motivations weren't what was driving him anymore. At some point, something had switched.

"You know I could say something about building trust or bonding, or even us being married but to be honest with you, none of that is true. Not anymore. Those are just add ons."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because I want to hear you talk."

"Why?"

"...Because you deserve to have at least one person in your life listen to you without judgment." He swore he heard Loki skip a breath at that moment but he had to have imagined it.

"You keep telling me about how everyone you know has hurt you because of this one event and you know what, I believe you. Everyone you've known has tried to kill or ostracize you. You don't even know how to exist in a space where you're not being attacked and you know what, that's pretty sad. THat's extremely messed up. So, for this one time only, I want to offer you a place where there is no danger.

"No one here is going to hurt you, no one here is going to judge you, I'm the only one in the room and I'm tied up. You have a lot of problematic things that have happened to you in your life. I want to offer you one chance to tell your story without having to look over your shoulder or fear for the response because you deserve to have that. And it's sad that no one has ever given that to you."

Loki was silent for several minutes after that. Tony again wished that he could see his face, could see how he felt, could try to make him feel better but maybe it was better that he couldn't. For one moment Loki was free from all judgment. Tony couldn't even see him to judge his facial expression.

"Don't you want that? Don't you want one opportunity to be free? I won't hate you."

"Maybe it's all the better if you do. As I said to you before your sympathy is unbearable." Tony waited patiently for Loki to make a decision before finally after a while, he heard a long sigh as he felt Loki almost slumped against the glass in defeat.

"Fine Stark. What do you wish to know?"

Chapter Text

"Fine Stark. What do you wish to know?"

"Were you two close?"

"Close? We were inseparable.”

”How so?”

”In every way. Ever since the beginning. There is a story my mother used to tell about when I was born. Apparently, when I was just being brought into the world, I gave out a loud cry. That is good. Babies are supposed to cry if they are healthy. The problem is, I did not stop.

"In the beginning, they assumed it was me adjusting to my new world and eventually I would adapt and calm myself but no matter what they did, they could not get me to stop crying. They tried giving me things, different people tried to console me, both of my parents held and comforted me and apparently, it would help but none of it could make me stop crying.

"There is a tradition in Jotunheim that a new mother and father will have a week alone with their newborn before anyone else can see them. The only ones who could see me, therefore, were my parents and their nursing staff. Well, after the week was up, which I had cried through literally nonstop with my only breaks being for sleep, my brother was allowed in to see me.

"He had been so excited he had stayed by the door for the entire week just waiting to meet his new baby brother, but before he went in they tried to warn him that I was constantly crying and that I was quite loud.

"You see they couldn't deny him his right to see me, only my parents could do that, but everyone was concerned that if he saw me in such a state he would find me annoying and would not like me and would grow to resent me, but Blister didn't want warnings he wanted his brother so he charged bravely into the room not even heading the warning of the healers who had tried to tell him.

"When he entered the room he found me and sure enough I was crying and reaching out for something. As usual, they couldn't figure out what. Apparently, the loud noise wasn't a concern to him at all and he came over to my mother to peak at me sitting in her arms. Then something strange happened. The second his face came into my eyesight, I fell silent. I had never fallen silent since being birthed except to sleep, but I just sat there, quiet as a mouse for the first time in my life, and I stared at him.

"Then I reached out my hands for him. No one was sure what to do. My parents had the most experienced nurses and doctors taking care of my mother and apparently, they too had never seen anything like this happen in all their years so, they did what they could think to do. They gave me to him.

"Blyster was still a child himself at the time. Under normal circumstances, he would've never been trusted to do such a thing but they put me in his arms and watched to see what would happen. I struggled from the second they picked me up to the second I was placed securely in his arms.

"Being a newborn I couldn't do much but I just looked at him curiously. Then I opened my mouth and let out my loudest wail yet to that day while staring at him and to the surprise of everyone there, he did something that no one had tried yet. He did it back.

"He wailed just as loud and just as high. They were about to yell at him to tell him not to do that but before they could, to their surprise, I stopped screaming. He looked up at my parents and said "See? He's fine. There's nothing wrong with him, he just knew his big brother was nearby. He wanted to meet me."

"They all turned back to me excited and terrified to see what I'd do next but just like that, calm as could be, I fell asleep. If he tried to pass me to anyone else while I was asleep I cried again. If he wasn't nearby while I was awake I cried again. He stayed with my parents the entire time talking to and playing with me.

"One night my mother woke up to see me in his arms telling me some story about some wilder beast or some fight that had my rapt attention. And then he said, "You see Loki, the world is filled with bad people and dangerous things but don't worry. I'll always protect you. I'll keep you safe and one day, when you're big, we can explore the world together."

"And did you go exploring?"

"Yes. And he always kept me safe. Blyster was a master at exploring. He could always find something exciting to explore or some ferocious animal to hunt. We were in some of the most dangerous parts of Jotunheim as children but I never once was scared because he was there. I always knew my brother would protect me. He was...

"He was invincible. At least that was the way I saw him. He was so strong, unnaturally so even for a warrior, and always so brave. Nothing could ever hurt him. There wasn't anything I could ask him for that he wouldn't give me whether it was a book from another realm or an ingredient for a spell I wasn't supposed to be working on.

"He spoiled me rotten just for the fun of it and encouraged my magic skills even though it often got us in a lot of trouble. He would always tell me "Who knows? As good as you are you might even be sorcerer supreme one day."

"That really is amazing. Sons and daughters of monarchs never get along that well. You two never fought over who would be king one day?"

"No, we didn't need to. In Jotunheim unless they are truly seen by the current monarchs and the rest of the people as unfit, the eldest child of the monarch family becomes the next king or queen.

"Blyster was going to be king, there was no doubt about that but I was never resentful of it. I was actually quite excited about it and besides, I never wanted to be king in the first place. He would've made a great king. He was kind, caring, he was greatly loved amongst the people and even from a young age, he showed a great pension for diplomacy and problem-solving.

"He had so many plans for things he was going to do that were going to bring Jotunheim into a new age, an age where we were finally one of the nine realms and not just amongst them. He was going to establish trade routes with Vanaheim and Alfheim and he was going to forge military alliances with Nifelheim and Svarthelheim.

"He talked about it all the time as if he would do it just the next day instead of centuries from then but even then his plans for doing so were well thought out and very well made. I have no doubt with some time he would've been able to do it and the Jotun citizens loved him.

"He would help anybody, young old rich or poor. He's helped build homes, settle disputes, even drive off some beasts threatening small towns without our parents' knowledge, all at his age with the only rule being no matter what he did in his day there always still had to be time left for me in it.

"I never wanted the throne, I only wanted to be by my brother's side. I would be happy with that no matter how much trouble it caused me."

"How much trouble exactly did you two get into?"

"Oh, more than our fair share, by which I mean a lot. We were the kings of "technically" doing nothing wrong but every rule that was given to us we at some point broke. Blyster had some privileges being the eldest child of the current monarchs that we exploited maliciously. Pick a thing and we did it, trips to places we should've never been in, magic the levels of which we should've never been touching, skipping class, going to different realms once again without our parents' knowledge or permission, anything we shouldn't be doing, we did."

"How were you not permanently grounded? Did you have groundings in Jotunheim?"

"We had something similar but we were rarely punished in that way. My parents understood the only effective way to ground us was to separate us from each other and they weren't willing to do that to us. It would've been devastating. So instead, it was left up to our mother to find a way to reprimand us effectively."

"Why your mother?"

"Because our father was too proud to ever reprimand us seriously. Cunning is highly prized in a Jotun after all, and we were quite capable. That's part of why we were never punished too harshly. He didn't necessarily want to discourage most of our exploits they simply wanted us to be wiser in our actions. Father would spend more time asking for details about our adventure than he would yelling at us.

Our mother on the other hand refused to condone such behavior from her two sons and therefore became the punisher in our household. Sometimes her punishments were simple, extra battle training or lessons. One time she banned me from the library. I was so angry I locked myself in my room and didn't come out for anything until the period was finished.

At the time I did deserve it, I had almost set an entire wing on fire and was more ashamed and embarrassed at my mistake than I was mad at her, but that is neither here nor there. Most of the time however her punishments were more creative than that. They were designed to teach us a lesson and often humble us."

"Humble you? Like how?"

"Many ways honestly. The best example is when she found out we were skipping battle classes. We figured that most of the places we were going had terrible monsters we'd have to fight so in a way, it was still battle training.

"When she found out she called us both to the sparring grounds. She made us confess to skipping classes and going off to explore instead. We gave us our usual excuses but she didn't want to hear it. Then she called over our instructor and had them tie both of her hands behind her back and blindfold her.

"She gave us a simple challenge if we could land a single blow on her she would agree to the legitimacy of our form of training and let us go, but if she won we would attend double battle training until the time was made up and we would never skip again."

"Did she use her magic?"

"No, and we still didn't land a hit on her. We worked independently, together, we used magic, we tried disrupting the grounds, anything we could think of. She didn't even break a sweat. She didn't place a time limit, so she just allowed us to keep trying until we had exhausted ourselves. It was absolutely humiliating.

"When we were done trying she had the instructor remove the ropes and the blindfold. She told us that the creatures in the wilderness are formidable, but fighting a mindless creature is not the same as fighting a person who thinks and feels, and reasons. She would not allow us to waste our talents on unnecessary and trivial endeavors."

"Did you go to class after that?"

"Yes. It was just as she said, double battle training for both of us until the time was repaid and we never skipped again after that. That was the beauty of our mother's lessons. We were both thoroughly humiliated but more than that, she had proven her point. We both needed to go to battle training and as annoying as it was, we understood that."

"Wow. Did most of your adventures end like that?"

"Only the ones we got caught in. Still, we had plenty of fun that didn't involve us getting into trouble, usually playing out in the courtyard."

"He played out in the courtyard with you too?"

"Yes. Where I was undefeated in all games for mages I cared to play, he was defeated in all games for warriors."

"Who won in the games made for both?"

"Neither of us actually. Some of the games weren't to be won in the first place. In those cases, nobody won. In the ones that could be won we oftentimes didn't play our best purposefully."

"Why not?"

"No one likes someone who wins all the time. Besides, we had an unfair advantage. All the children who played in the courtyard were children of people who either lived or worked in the palace, they all received classes together. It didn't matter if they were the children of bakers, warriors, or council members, they all received schooling from the palace teachers who were put there specifically to teach the children of all the kids who lived and worked in the palace."

"They lived with you?"

"Most of them yes. People like guards and healers and other staff who may be needed at a moment's notice lived within the palace walls. Since it is a crime in Jotunheim to separate a child from their parents involuntarily the children of these people often lived with them as well as their spouses.

"Others like bakers and chefs and council members lived nearby and worked in the palace for long hours. It made the most sense to put a school within the palace for all of the children who often occupied it."

"So how did you two have an unfair advantage?"

"We didn't attend classes with the other children. We had our own private tutors who only had to worry about us and were each the best in their respective areas and their only job was to put as much knowledge into our heads as they could possibly fit. We were advanced, not because we were much better but simply because we were more privileged.

"We were both very smart no one could ever dispute that but there is no telling what would've happened if any of the other children had those same advantages but as it was they did not so, during certain games we would intentionally handicap ourselves to make it fair."

"But not during all games?"

"Well, we still wanted to have fun too. Playing catch with both your arms tied behind your back isn't exactly the best use of time. We simply did it to prevent resentment."

"And the other kids never got mad at you or treated you any differently for being princes?"

"Well, they would sometimes get mad at us but not for that. We would argue over rules and which game to play and who got to go first and other things of that nature like most children. However, as children in the courtyard, we were all equal and we had a simple way of settling such problems."

"How was that?"

"We fought. The winner got to decide. It was a simple enough strategy, everyone always made sure nobody got hurt and some of the healer's children even knew some basic healing spells so they were able to heal any injuries if they occurred, though we never had any major ones."

"You would just fight there in the middle of the courtyard? Why didn't your parents stop it?"

"Sometimes the guards would break it up if they passed by and happened to see it happening but for the most part, our parents didn't know. Well, not directly anyway. In reality they likely played the same games and handled the same disputes in the same ways when they were children but they were not there to see it. All of our parents were at work. It was just us and we did as we liked as long as we did not leave the palace walls. Those were our only rules, do not leave the palace, do not disturb the adults. Besides that, we were left on our own."

They both fell silent as Tony tried to find a way to ask what he wanted to know but before he could Loki read his mind.

"I already know what you want to say Stark. Go on and ask it."

"Why... What happened that day? The day you say you made the wrong decision? What happened?"

"It is a long story. It requires quite a bit of context to truly understand."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Loki sighed. Tony waited patiently for him to get himself together and ready for what he was about to tell him and then, after a few minutes of silence, he started.

"When I was a child, barely more than three or four in human years, I had my mother my father my brother, and Amaya. That was enough for me, I didn't want any more, but my parents were concerned about what being around so few people would do to me growing up so they made a new rule. I was not allowed inside the walls of the library between two specific times.

Those were the times when most of the children's lessons would let out and as such, they would all gather to play in the courtyard. At first, I would go there, seeking only my brother and not even trying to be near the other children, but my brother saw the point that my parents were making, and as he often did he encouraged me to play with the others as well and eventually I did.

It was strange, having so many people in my life suddenly when I came from having so few and at first it was overwhelming but over time it came to be quite nice. I liked my life. I was happy."

"So what happened?"

"War. A human's lifespan is short. By the time you were born the war between our people had long gone and your people and mine were already working towards a tentative if not strained peace. Prejudice towards humans was no longer common and for the most part, many many just saw you as another realm. This was not the case when I was a child.

"When I was little, only a little while after I was born, the war between the Jotun and the Aesir raged. I was almost even kidnapped in that war, taken from the temple to be taken off to some terrible fate by the Aesir king, but luckily my mother and father arrived at the temple just in time to save me from my captors.

"We won that war and in exchange we got Midgard, not taking much care for the life that was already growing there to begin with. We saw you as nothing more than animals, the same as any other creature on your planet, and as such we put you to work like animals with no regard to your whims in the situation. We turned you into slaves.

"Centuries passed and eventually, you all rebelled and to our great surprise, you actually won. You became a realm for yourselves and grew to be known as the Midgardians you are today and because of that, we resented you, not just because of all the hardship it caused our realm when you fought back, but because you also had the nerve to succeed. I was too young to remember any of those times being so young, but Blyster remembered and so did most of Jotunheim at the time.

"Of course, your realm faced its fair share of hardships due to the war as well, just as many as us if not more, but we didn't care. It's not easy to hate an enemy when you know them so the Jotun people did the same thing any people do when they war with other people, they turned you into nameless faceless villains who would dare oppose the Jotun empire. We were good and you all were not.

"The people were happy to accept the gross oversimplification of the war, so for many people, this was their simple truth and they believed it and they taught it to their children and their children believed it too. "

"Did you hate us?"

"I didn't feel anything towards you. No hatred and no love either. As I said, I had no memories of the war growing up when I was young so my only experience and understanding of it was from stories, and in those stories, I had a hard time seeing you all as the nameless faceless villains they tried to make you out to be.

"This wasn't necessarily because I was so much better than the rest of my people, but because I was more logical and logically speaking the idea of an entire race of people being bad just didn't make sense.

"You were simply people. I didn't see why I should care about your race any more than all the others but I didn't quite see why I should care any less, but that interpretation of your struggle was too messy for fostering hatred of the enemy, so the vast majority of my people chose to leave it behind.

"I asked my brother, my parents, and even my tutors to explain it to me, why you all deserved to be hated so. They each in their own way tried to explain to me why the feelings towards humans in Jotunheim were what they were.

"Eventually it was just decided that it was one of those things I would just understand when I was older, but whether I understood the feelings or not, they permeated every part of Jotun society. It was in our art, our culture, and even the games we played as children, which is why we had a game all about you humans called human hunter, and it was very popular.

"It was a simple game really, one that the warriors and the mages could play together. One child was picked to be the human and all the children would stand in a circle. The human would be passed around from child to child like a ball and you had to say something you would do to the human, the only rules being it had to rhyme and you couldn't repeat what someone else had said.

"In theory, the children could've picked anything to say as long as it rhymed but the things they did chose to say were... harrowing. They would start with simpler things. 'I will grind your bones to dust, I will hang you with your guts,' but the more and more they went on, the more gruesome and detailed the rhymes became, and all the time they were laughing, having the most fun of their lives talking about how they would violently and brutally mutilate you until there was nothing left to mutilate.

"I didn't like hearing it. As I said I couldn't see you all as the villains they made you and as a child, I hated violence so when they played that game, I would usually go off and explore and return later once the game was over."

"I thought you said the only rule was for you not to leave the palace."

"I also said I tended to get in a lot of trouble."

"Why didn't Blyster go with you?"

"I often told him to stay. I know he would have gone with me if I had only asked but human hunter was one of his favorite games and I was only exploring the immediate vicinity of the castle. I wasn't going that far."

"That was his favorite game?"

"Yes, he loved it. He hated humans with a passion. He was old enough to remember the war with your people, a war which as tradition states our parents both fought in."

"Your parents fought in the war? How was that allowed?"

"As I'm sure you've figured out by now, most of the laws in Jotunheim had to do with fairness and equality. Just as the law stated that a person who mandates an execution must be the executioner, there is another that said that any monarch willing to declare war, must also fight in one.

"Most monarchs tend to stay towards the back, helping in support roles or in strategy and planning. That is what my other did. She strategized attacks, healed the injured, transported equipment, and did all other manners of things but my father did not want to be in the back. He wanted to be in the front, so he put himself there.

"He was a brave and powerful warrior but one night as he was sleeping, his camp was attacked. You see, you humans had one thing the rest of the nine realms had never seen before: technology. That was your greatest advantage and that was how you won. That is how you are still as prevalent as you are in the realms now.

"We had seen many types of war and warfare as a people and to some extent, some things always remained the same, but the weapons and technology you had at your disposal we had never seen before. When his shelter was bombed he stayed behind and made sure everyone got out safe.

"He was bringing up the rear when the humans who attacked found them and started shooting down the tunnel they were escaping through. Before this Jotun didn't really wear armor, especially warriors. Their skin was tough enough to handle the blows that were being tossed their way and the same applied to bullets to a certain extent, however, everyone has their limits, and my dad using his body as a human shield to block the bullets and keep everyone else safe was his.

"He was hit two hundred and eighty-five times. He had to be dragged out of the tunnel by his allies and when he finally did get out of there, they weren't sure if he was going to make it. He was sent back home to the healers, barely living and in critical condition. Many times during the night it seemed like he wouldn't live.

"Blyster was little when it happened but they still told him what had happened, knowing that at any moment, they may have needed to bring him in to say his final goodbyes. He would never forget the feeling of sitting there all night, waiting to find out if his father would live and he will never forget the sight of our mother crying, something neither of us has seen since.

"He needed a way to make that make sense, the fact that his father was dying and his mother was crying, and he needed a way to justify all this pain, all this anger in his head. As I said, at the time, the entire realm had simplified the war down to we were the good guys and you were bad, an explanation he was happy to cling to.

"Unlike me, he had no problem seeing you as an evil race and he was young. He needed to point his anger somewhere, so he pointed it at you. He never forgave you all for it."

"Wow. So what happened on that day when you went exploring?"

"It was all my fault really. I went deeper into the woods than I should have that day. I know where I should've stopped. I had been to those woods more times than I had been to some areas of my own home, I knew when the woods grew too dense to be entered safely alone but I had just perfected this new invisibility spell and I figured, I was smart enough to outsmart any creatures living in those woods.

"I took a different path that day, a path Blyster and I hadn't yet explored. I had little checkmarks all over the forest, a tree with a strange branch here, a frozen lake there, but this part that I was in didn't look familiar at all. I liked that, I liked finding new places. I was walking not truly caring where I was going when my foot hit something. I looked down, thinking I may have accidentally encountered some small animal or something and almost stopped in my tracks."

"What did you find?"

"A human, dead."

Chapter Text

"A human, dead."

"A dead frozen human whose body was so damaged from the cold I was able to kick their head clean off their shoulders by accident. I was horrified.”

”It’s so hard to imagine you like that.”

”As a child?”

”No just... as someone who cares about death in general.”

”I’ve been forced to wade through the blood of others so many times I no longer care about the site of a corpse. I have killed countless people in the name of my own self-preservation, but this was not the case when I was a child.

"When I was young I hated death. Even when we were out exploring and an animal attacked us I never killed it, I always fought to incapacitate it. It was Blyster that always gave the final blow.”

”He didn’t mind it as much?”

”He thought nothing of it. To him, it was a simple matter of them or us and an incapacitated animal can get back up. A dead one cannot. At the time I didn’t understand how he could see things so black and white with him. Now my perspective is much worse than his ever was.”

”So what did you do when you saw the dead body? Did you run away?”

"I was going to, but then I noticed there was another body lying behind the first, also frozen to death and another and another. I followed the trail, not sure what it would lead me to and a bit scared to find out, but I had too many questions to not look.

"When I reached the end of the trail I found a disturbing answer to all of my questions. Sitting in the middle of the forest in a tree there was a rift with piles and piles of dead humans sitting around it and even more of them trying to crawl away from it. That’s where the trail came from. It marked how far each person got before they died.”

”What’s a rift?”

"An ability only truly powerful mages are capable of. They can create passages, tunnels if you will, through the realms. We call these tunnels rifts. They're extremely difficult to make and even harder to travel through but if you know how you can use them to secretly travel from one realm to the next without the Bifrost and unlike a portal, once made, they're self-sustaining."

"What's so dangerous about them, and how come I’ve never heard of them?"

"Well, while they’re great for traveling back and forth if you’re going between two places often and don’t want to get caught, they’re rarely worth the trouble which is probably why you haven’t heard of them. No one is brave enough to use one.

"A rift is a void of infinite space. In it, you cannot see, hear, touch, taste or smell it is simply your consciousness and a black void of nothingness and in that void, somewhere, is a door that you cannot sense. To escape the rift, you must find that door.”

”How do you find the door?”

"Most who are lucky enough to escape do so by accident. Those humans laying dead on the ground were the lucky ones who made it out, and that was their reward for their efforts. It was horrid. I cried."

"You cried?"

"Yes. As I stared at those corpses, all people who had once lived and who had died so brutally, I cried. It was simply barbaric, no one deserved to die like that."

"Not even a human?"

"Not even a human. I wanted to do something to help, but as soon as I thought it, I cut the idea off. What was I going to do? I was a Jotun child, a prince no less, and the humans were our greatest enemies. My entire realm was still angry with them and all of the ones who were unfortunate enough to end up here were dead.

"Even if they had been alive, what was I going to do with a human in the middle of the Jotunheim forest? As distraught as I was, I still couldn't do anything about it, so I told myself it was none of my business and I left.

"I tried to put it out of my mind after that. I tried to act as normal as possible and the moment the memory of the tree popped into my head I tried to replace it with something else but the next day everyone wanted to play human hunter and I left to go exploring in the woods. I was focusing so hard on not thinking about the tree ironically I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

"I ended up right back in front of it. This became a repeated routine. I would go about my day doing my best to forget about what I had seen and sometimes I would even succeed, but every time the other kids wanted to play human hunter, every time I went exploring in the woods, I always ended up right back in front of that tree.

"Still no matter how sad it made me and how much I wanted to help, I would always come to the same conclusion, it was simply none of my business, and I would leave. Years went by and every day I ended up in front of that tree, feeling worse and worse for it each day.

"It became so familiar of a routine, I no longer fought it anymore. I simply went to it, sat down, and let my mind wander about the tragedy that had occurred there. In every other way, my life was the same as it always had been.

"I had classes, I played with my friends, I explored with my brother, all the same, but now when they played human hunter I didn't explore the forest, I went to a human mass grave and mourned for people I never knew, but I couldn't do much more than that. After all, I was a child, and it was none of my business."

"Did something happen to make it your business?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"I was deep in thought sitting in front of the tree. I had just once again come to the conclusion that it was none of my business and I was about to leave when suddenly, a magical force started to burst from the tree. I was so frightened I almost hid but before I couldn't get anywhere in time, the rift opened and a little girl popped out.

"She was thrown to the ground with violent force. She wasn't that big she and couldn't have been any older than me. She got up from the ground trying her best to recover from her fall, but the moment she saw me her eyes went wide in shock and fear and she looked around her in disbelief.

"She was already feeling the effects of the cold, I could tell, and when she looked around her, she stopped at the sight of all the other dead humans around her, and then she turned to me again. she asked me where she was. I tried to explain that she was in Jotunheim but she didn't understand me.

"She didn't have all speak but lucky for both of us she was a very smart girl. She asked me if I understood her. I nodded my head yes. She asked if I was Jotun. I nodded my head yes. She asked if I was a monster. I shook my head no. She asked me if I had killed the other humans. I shook my head no. She asked me if I was going to kill her. I shook my head no.

"She asked me if she was going to die. That was the hardest question I'd ever been asked at that point in my life. I could leave her there. I could decide this was none of my business. She would certainly die and no one would know that I could have saved her. Even if they found out they would not have cared, I would be doing the right thing to let her die.

"She kept staring at me, shivering and waiting, trying to find the answer to her question. A good Jotun would leave her, so in a way, I suppose the real question was, was I a good Jotun. Was she going to die? I shook my head no. Even as I did it, I mentally screamed. I reached out my hand for her, trying to move slow and she was hesitant but eventually, she took it.

"I had learned about temperature charms months ago in class. They were a simple and quick charm but they took longer to apply than I would've liked. There was a cave not far from where the tree was so I brought her there and I warded the entrance.

"I had no idea what I was doing, I was flying by the seam of my pants, but some things were obvious. She needed food and water and that was the only thing I had time left to get her. The food was easy enough. There was a river nearby with some fish swimming beneath the frozen surface. I simply put my hand through and caught them.

"The water was a bit more tricky. Normally water would either have to be filtered or boiled but I had nothing to filter it with and nothing to burn. In order to get it, I had to run, become invisible, sneak back into the palace to the kitchens, steal some water, and run all the way back out to the cave in the woods. I gave her the supplies and made to leave.

"She still couldn't understand a word I was saying but I gestured for her to stay there. Don't move, I'll return in the morning. I wasn't sure if she understood but I was running out of time and if I wasn't back in the courtyard by the end of the game, Blyster would come looking for me. I left the cave and returned to the courtyard, and continued playing with my friends.

"I forced myself to put the thought out of my head for the rest of the day. I had no other choice, there was no way I was going to act normal around my parents or my friends, much less Blyster, while I was still thinking about how I had a human stored in a cave in the woods. It wasn't until much later when I was alone that I finally recognized the absurdity of what I had done."

"You saved her life."

"I doomed her. I knew that. Even as a child I knew if anyone found her, the things she would suffer would make her wish I had left her to the cold. I didn't have to help her anymore. She had the temperature charms, she wouldn't be bothered by the temperatures. Maybe it was better if I let her fend for herself. I didn't know what to do.

"I could either go back, take responsibility, and continue to take care of her putting her at risk of being discovered, or I could say it was none of my business and forget all about her but whatever I chose that night, I was going to stick with it and whatever it was, I wasn't going back on it.

"The next day I brought her more supplies and she had more questions. Unfortunately for her, most of her questions I wasn't able to answer but sometimes I got the feeling that she just liked to rant more than she actually wanted to receive an answer.

"She asked why I was helping her, she said that where she was from she was taught that Jotun were blood-thirsty monsters who would eat humans. She asked if I was going to eat her bone marrow. That was something else she'd heard about Jotun. I honestly laughed at that one. She could be quite funny at times on accident.

"This continued on for days and days and days and each night I went to bed sweating bullets, just waiting to be caught, but each day I returned to the cave with more supplies and company. Days went by and weeks and even years but we were still never discovered.

"She became such a part of my life that the thought of leaving her by herself was now impossible to imagine, and I hardly noticed how dangerous it was. It didn't matter what was going on, how my day was going, I always found time to go see her and spend time with her, and whenever I did, I was always happy."

"What was she like? Did you like her?"

"Her? She was amazing. I never knew her name. I couldn't ask and she never told me it so I simply called them her or she. It seemed rude to give her a new name when she likely had one of her own.

"I never liked her, not in the way you're implying at least, but she became one of my closest friends and one of the best people in my life. In all truth, she was the closest thing I ever had to a sister and as time went on, I grew to love her dearly.

"I took care of her, I protected her. It almost made me think of what Blyster was to me. That's what I wanted to be to her. That's what I strived for each day. I never knew if I succeeded. I couldn't bring her much to do, all the books were in languages she couldn't read and all our games were things that either required great magic or superhuman strength to play.

"I would sit with her and listen to her talk about this and that, anything that caught her fancy and I would nod and shake my head if I agreed or disagreed, but from that, she sometimes talked about the things she liked to do. As luck would have it, one of her favorite things to do was explore.

"Her love of exploring was probably what ended her up here in the first place, I probably shouldn't have been encouraging it, but I was just happy we could finally do something besides sit around and have one-sided conversations. That's how we bonded. I would use my invisibility spell of the both of us and then we would go out and see everything the forest had to offer.

"Exploring with her was different from exploring with Blyster. I always loved exploring with my brother and I couldn't put one experience over the other but when Blyster explored with me, he explored simply to indulge me. He did it to spend time with me and to make his little brother happy. When she explored, she explored because she enjoyed it.

"I really had someone to explore with me. We would go out to different parts of the forest and she would show me things, things I hadn't even noticed. I had been to those woods so many times and still, she was able to show me new stuff I had never noticed before. She opened up my world, she made everything so different.

"We would still sometimes go visit the tree and mourn the other humans who had died there. When we went she looked so sorrowful. I sometimes wondered if she knew any of them if they were from the same clan, the same family. I wondered if she left any family behind. Humans don't have family markings as we do. I never got the answer to my question.

"As I said years went on and the more they did the closer and closer we became. It amazed me how a year was such a short amount to my lifespan and yet so much longer to hers, but I tried my best to put it out of my mind and not think about it as much.

"I didn't want to imagine the fact that she would one day die. Still, that was decades off and if she managed to die from natural causes despite everything working against her, in a way, that would count as a win.

"As it was, I just focused on making sure the years she did have to live were happy ones. I didn't have too much time to think about this though because I had a brand new problem coming on my eleventh millennial and I wasn't sure how I was going to solve it."

"What problem was that?"

"Amaya."

"Oh yeah! Where was she in all of this?"

"With everyone else in the courtyard playing human hunter with our friends. She was one of my best friends at the time, but she was not yet my attendant. I spent a great deal of time with her and we always had lots of fun, but she was not required to be near me at all times. That would soon change.

"Future attendants for a monarch are chosen when they are quite young. Instead of going to school with the other children, they take a special set of classes designed to prepare them for their job as an attendant. Then on the prince or princess's eleventh millennial, they begin their job as that royal's attendant."

"Did Blyster have an attendant?"

"Yes, Kosta or Koste something or other, I forget it now, but we often gave them the slip."

"Is one millennium like one year in human years?"

"It's not a direct one-to-one comparison but it is close enough. My eleventh millennium was coming up in another few years, which meant we only had a few years to figure out how I was going to continue to see and take care of her without Amaya finding out."

"How did Amaya feel about humans?"

"She hated you just as everyone else did at the time. I wasn't sure what she would do if she found me taking care of one. She had her own grudge against the humans, the war had taken both her parents. She wasn't as violent about her thoughts towards you but needless to say she felt no love for you at all."

"So what did you decide to do?"

"Well, towards the end of the years, almost a month before my millennial, she had an idea. What if I made an illusion of myself to stay with Amaya, and when she wasn't looking, I would go out to the woods to see her? Then when I was done I would return to the palace and take the place of my clone.

"It wasn't a great idea. Honestly, it was quite risky and it wouldn't work forever but it was what we had at the moment and at the very least it bought us time to come up with another plan. So, my millennial came and Amaya was named as my attendant.

"She was a good attendant. She accompanied me everywhere and assisted me with anything I had a need for, as a good attendant should but she was very willing to tell me if she believed I was doing something foolish or risky. That was, after all the reason why my parents chose her."

"How long did it take for you guys to get caught?"

"We were caught on day one. She went with me to the courtyard and we went over to the other children and played as we normally did, nothing out of the ordinary there. It was genuinely a fun time and I truly enjoyed myself as always but then they called to play human hunter and it was time for me to go.

"Making the clone and escaping into the confusion of the children trying to get into position for the game was the easy part. I actually managed to pull that off quite well. I placed an invisibility spell on myself and ran out to the woods. I thought that would be the end of it. I was so worried about what I was doing I forgot to think."

"So what went wrong? Did the clone do something wrong?"

"Technically no. A clone only has as much personality as you give it and in an effort to convince Amaya that it was real, I gave it a full personality. It matched me in every way so it wouldn't do anything the real me wouldn't do, it would trick Amaya for sure."

"So what was the problem?"

"It wouldn't do anything I wouldn't do at all, which meant that it wouldn't play human hunter because the real me wouldn't play human hunter. The real me would go into the woods and visit her and the clone had an exact copy of my real personality so, guess what it did with Amaya right in tow behind it?"

"Wow. What did she do when she saw the real you? Was she mad?"

"Oh, she was absolutely furious. She was even madder at me than when I tried to shoot you. She couldn't even talk straight she just sat there sputtering out half-words trying to convey her message of how mad she was.

"Amaya took a step towards us, her hid behind me and I was already pulling up some defensive spells and begging Amaya to please let me explain. Looking back it seems almost comical but at the time it was terrifying.

"I thought I was going to have to fight my best friend and who knew what would happen if she told anyone but I wasn't one hundred percent sure I would be able to hurt Amaya. The very thought made me sick. Still, I had to protect her because if Amaya got to her, I was sure she was going to kill her so I prepared myself to do what I must.

"Then to my surprise, Amaya stopped. She motioned for me to come over to where she was, still looking incandescent with rage. I did and told her to go deeper into the cave, I would be there in a minute as I waited for Amaya to release her rage.

"I got screamed at for a solid fifteen minutes and called every name in the book that wasn't my own. She demanded that I explain what happened and why there was a human in the middle of the forest in Jotunheim and why I was protecting her.

"I did my best to give her the short version before her patience wore out on how she fell from a rift in the forest and I didn't want to see her die so I helped her. Truth be told I think she felt less mad and more betrayed. After everything the humans had done to our realm, our people, and her specifically, I would still help one, but I tried to explain to her that the war wasn't her fault and she shouldn't have to die for a war both our ancestors participated in."

"Did she tell on you?"

"No, she didn't. Amaya was loyal, even back then. As a part of the ceremony where she became my attendant, she pledged herself, her loyalty, her protection, and her strength, everything to me. Not the realm, not even the crown, me. So she was mad, but no matter how angry she was, she was either going to kill me herself with her cold bare hands, or she was going to accept it."

"I'm guessing she did the second one?"

"Yes. And she was furious about it. When we went back to the courtyard I pretended to act like everything was normal and she did the same when other people were around but she didn't talk to me in private for almost a year straight after that. She was so angry with me for taking care of a human, and she hated her just for existing, but telling on me would put me in danger. Simply put my safety was more important than her hatred for this human.

"There was still one problem. Amaya was still my attendant and as my attendant, she had to go with me everywhere. That meant when I went to visit her, Amaya went too and she was not pleased about being in the presence of a human. She found her annoying and my need to be around her 'all the time' even more annoying than she could express.

"Since she wouldn't harm me and she wouldn't tell on me she chose to express her annoyance in the pettiest of ways. She would make snide comments about her knowing full well that she didn't understand it but that I understood every word.

"Eventually I would blow up on her and we would argue and scream and then we would take her back to her cave and leave to go home. It was chaotic and almost every day ended with more and more frustration than the last. It was getting annoying."

"Wait, does Amaya hate me?"

"Not as far as I can tell, and she isn't exactly difficult to read. Her hatred of humans faded long ago. Actually, it was thanks to her that it happened. As I said she had no idea what Amaya was saying when she made her mean comments about her, but she understood that Amaya didn't like her and that it was a problem.

"One day when we were all out exploring Amaya wasn't looking where she was going. She was saying something, I was doing my best to ignore her, but she wasn't looking where she was going and she forgot to check the ice.

"There is a simple process to do this that all Jotun know, you basically feel the vibrations that come back to your foot when you take step to see if the ice is getting thinner or thicker and it helps you to know where to take your next step. She was being oblivious and I was doing my best to ignore her so I hadn't noticed where she was walking. She fell into the water.

"Falling into the water wasn't really a problem. It was annoying, it was extremely embarrassing, but it wouldn't hurt her. The water temperatures of Jotunheim are well below freezing, but we are built for such things so it was really ok.

"She did not know this. All she saw was Amaya suddenly fall through the ice cold water with a slight scream and like either a hero or an idiot would do, she jumped into the water convinced that Amaya was drowning in the freezing water and she needed help. Frostbite works extraordinarily fast in humans, especially when they are wet."

"Wait but didn't you have the temperature charms on her?"

"Yes but they could only do so much and they were not designed to handle such conditions. It would be the equivalent of trying to put out a house fire with a cup of water, they were laughably unequipped to handle the problem.

"When she pulled herself and Amaya out of the water unnecessarily, I immediately started to freak out. Wards couldn't solve a problem they could only prevent one and she was going to freeze to death in fifteen minutes unless I got her to a healer and the only person I knew who could heal her was Amaya.

"I turned to Amaya, completely ready to beg for her help but to my surprise before I could even ask her to, she was already healing the human. Basic healing spells are part of the training to become an attendant. She was able to modify them just enough to work for the current situation.

"She healed the damage the cold had done to her body and told me what wards to place to prevent any further damage, and after she was done she yelled at her furiously telling her that she would have been fine because Jotun were not harmed by the cold temperatures and for her to do something so risky when she would be ok was downright foolish.

"She didn't understand a word Amaya was saying but she was smart enough to sit there and let her scream until she felt better. I always wondered why she saved her. In all honesty, despite her hatred of them, I think she couldn't live with herself if she simply let the human die after she tried to save her."

"So did they become friends after that?"

"No, not immediately. Friends isn't quite the right word for what they were at that point. Amaya protected her if she was injured. If we were in trouble she made sure she got out safely and if for whatever reason I couldn't go to her to give her supplies, I knew I could send Amaya and the supplies would reach her safely, but Amaya was still mad that she existed and what's worse she didn't fit any of the stereotypes that she'd been taught about humans. 

"She wasn't an evil blood-thirsty warlord. She was just her. She was nice and fun and interesting and as much as Amaya hated it, she had to admit that she was genuinely just a good person. It annoyed Amaya to no end.

"I still heard the occasional slick comment and they managed to fight an impressive amount for two people who couldn't truly communicate, but she could always depend on Amaya and Amaya never told anyone that she existed. I was grateful for that.

"Years continued to go by. She was no longer a little girl, she was getting older and older. Amaya eventually started talking to me again and though she still never understood why she respected that it was my choice to make to take care of her. Still, that wasn't enough for me. I wanted them to actually be friends, or at least for Amaya to stop being so petty. I hatched a plan.

"I started sending Amaya to deliver supplies more and more often. I went to explore some out-of-the-way things while we were out, giving the two of them time together alone. At first, I came back more often to see them arguing and that was just annoying but time went on. People grow, and they change if they are willing.

"Amaya changed. It wasn't sudden, it was very gradual, but she did. She stopped making snide comments, she didn't complain when I sent her with supplies, she even brought her or their own adventures without me sometimes though that didn't happen until much later.

"It was almost five years before they actually started to like each other, but once it was set in motion, it was an unstoppable force. Amaya went from hating all humans to being best friends with one and reevaluating her whole viewpoint on their race as a result of it. It was beautiful. I had my best friend, my sister in all but name, my parents, my brother and all my friends. I was happy.

"As time went on and more years passed, I started thinking more and more about the war and the relationship between the humans and Jotun, inspired by Amaya and her's newfound relationship. For obvious reasons, it was now something I had a vested interest in.

We were an old realm, we had been to war with everyone at least once, but despite having been enemies at one point, we no longer saw those people as our enemies anymore. I found that curious and I couldn't really stop thinking about it no matter what I did. This led me to an interesting question. What if we could return to seeing the humans as people just as we did with every other realm?

"I could've lied to myself and said I only cared because if someone stumbled onto her I wanted her to be safe but the truth was, it was more than that. I wanted to have it all. I wanted to spend time with my friends and her. I wanted to introduce her to my parents, I know they would've liked her. I wanted to travel the bifrost with her so she could have all speech and finally, finally, have an actual conversation where we both understood each other.

"More than all of that though, I wanted to introduce her to Blyster. I wanted to one day be able to go out with both my brother and my sister and we could all have fun together. I dreamt of it. I wanted it so bad, more than anything else and because of that one thought, everything I already had wasn't enough. I couldn't just accept what I had.

"My plan was simple. I remembered how we had warred with almost every other realm and how now we no longer saw them as enemies. I just knew the same thing would apply to humans eventually. They would one day be seen as regular people just like any other realm, what if I could speed that process up?

"I wanted to show everyone that humans weren't that bad by using her as the bridge between the Jotun and the humans. I saw how it worked with Amaya and she hated humans as much as anyone else back then. Why couldn't it work with everyone else too?

"I told Amaya my idea immediately and she said it was going to get us both killed. I should've believed her, I really should've listened but I was too selfish to hear reason. I wanted to spend time with my brother and my sister. I was too focused on that desire to see reason.

"Introducing her to the whole of Jotunheim was a recipe for disaster but what if I scaled it back? After all, I didn't really need to introduce her to the whole realm, not to start. That was just a recipe for disaster anyways, but what if I started small? Bring her around a group of people and let them feel her out for themselves to see that she wasn't evil and then we could move on to bigger and bigger groups as time went on.

"Amaya still didn't like the plan. I was still too blinded by my selfishness to see the reason in her words and her, She couldn't understand a word of what I was saying as we frantically talked about the plan back and forth. Finally, after many months of debating it, my plan was set.

"People can change if they want to. I didn't want to believe that my people didn't want to change. I didn't want to believe that their opinions of humans were set in stone and they didn't want to see them in any other way yet. I forged ahead head first and I never stopped long enough to think what the repercussions for my actions would be.

"I had no way to tell her. That is my biggest regret to this day, I never had a way to tell her or to warn her about what was going on that day. I tried to but I could tell she didn't understand. The smart thing to do would've been to just let my pipe dream go. It was a stupid goal in the first place.

"I should've never went with it, but I was so greedy I refused to see that it wouldn't work. I wanted to be with my siblings, both of them at the same time. So I let my greed blind me and I made the stupidest decision of my life.

"I brought her to the courtyard to introduce her to my friends. That's when all hell broke loose."

Chapter Text

"How did you do it? You just brought her to the palace and said here's a human?"

"I wish I could say that I had a plan that was a bit more strategic and fleshed out than that, but yes that is essentially what I did. Amaya begged me for many months not to do it, ever since I first brought up the plan to her but I was stubborn and I didn't want to listen.

"People can change if they want to. I saw that change in Amaya so it was proof that it could happen. I didn't want to believe that my people didn't want to change, that they were happy with the way things were. In my mind, if we were truly so content to hate another race for no reason, then we really were the monsters the humans made us out to be.

"They simply didn't know any better. If they actually met a human, if they met her, my sister, they would see how wrong they were. After all, I loved her. She was one of the most precious people in the world to me. I didn't see how anyone could see her as anything but special and sweet. I was so stupid, but as I said, I was stubborn so the plan was finalized.

"I used an invisibility spell on her. I brought her into the courtyard in the middle of my friends' daily game of human hunter feeling relaxed and relieved that I would never have to hear this horrid game be played ever again. Surely, after this, they would never want to play it.

"I went into the middle of the circle and announced loudly that I had something to show everyone. I was smiling so bright, it was hard not to notice how excited I was. Everyone stopped what they were doing, eager to see what was so great that I absolutely had to interrupt them. I took off the invisibility spell.

"You could hear a pin drop. Everyone stared. She stared back and no one said anything. I just waited, excited for us to finish with the awkward silence and the inevitable questions so that we could all go and play together.

"The children seemed to be confused. They kept looking at each other waiting for someone to do something to give them a sign of how to react. In all my insistence that my people did want to change, that they just hadn't been presented with the opportunity to do so, I hadn't even allowed myself to consider how Blyster might feel about this. I forced myself not to think about it.

"It was too scary of a notion to think of him seeing her and immediately becoming angry at me, even disappointed at me, but there was one thought I knew to be true that I held onto that kept me sane as I enacted my ill-conceived plan. No matter what I did, my brother would never stop loving me.

"He could be mad, he could be disappointed, but I was still his little brother and there was nothing that could ever make him stop loving me in all the realms, he had told me so himself many times. So, he may not be happy about it, but eventually, he would come around and he would start to see her for who she was and he would accept her just like Amaya.

"I truly thought this was the worst that could happen. I was right. He never stopped loving me. As soon as the initial shock and silence of the situation at hand had worn off, my brother absolutely enraged stomped over to me and grabbed me by both my arms and shook me as hard as he could, begging me to snap out of whatever spell she had put me under."

"What did he think she did to you, it was common knowledge that humans didn't have magic."

"You are forgetting Stark, that even though you did not have magic, you had technology. It didn't make sense to us, we didn't know what it did and every time we felt you had reached the peak of your inventing prowess as a species you found something new to make.

"There were so many stories and rumors about what humans could do, none of which we could confirm but we were still young and all of it frightened us. It was a recipe for suspicion and incorrect conclusions. He was convinced that I had to be under some kind of mind control or mind-altering effects of some technology she had.

"The thought that I was being controlled was more believable to him than the thought that his brother had actually gone off and befriended a human. Surely that hadn't happened, so unlikely it was laughable. At least that must've been how he saw it.

"He wasn't trying to hurt me, he wasn't shaking me because he was mad he was only trying to free me from her supposed control. It didn't even hurt, but to her, it looked like he was attacking me and she couldn't understand his words to know that I was safe.

"She launched herself at him, banging on his arms and screaming "Don't touch him, don't touch him!" He grabbed her, picked her up while I begged, crying for him to please let her go, and shook her for all he was worth screaming and demanding she releases whatever hold she had on me."

"Did he really think some little girl had you hypnotized?"

"That was part of the problem. She was a little girl when I found her but many years had passed since then. As I said, a year is nothing to a Jotun, but to a human, it is much longer, in terms of lifespan and developmentally too.

"She was no longer a little girl, though I never saw her any differently than the first day I met her, if I had to guess she was probably about twenty at the time. I was standing next to an adult human and though I had lived longer, developmentally, I was still a child. 

"I never thought much about it at the time. As far as I was concerned I was me and she was her and no amount of aging was going to change that, but when Blyster saw her, he came to a much different much more unsettling conclusion.

"He finally figured that she wasn't going to undo whatever she had done to me. He told her he was giving her one last chance to comply before he switched methods. She screamed a multitude of insults at him and told him she would kill him if he hurt me, but none of it was what Blyster wanted to hear and he was already angry. He did something drastic.

"I told you we interrupted their favorite game. Blyster thought it best that they should resume it. Once Blyster had set the tone for the attitude towards the human's presence, the rest of the kids quickly adapted and latched on to his anger. They were more than willing to go along with his plans.

"They grabbed her and pushed me out of the circle. I wasn't sure what they were going to do but Blyster told everyone to make sure I didn't get back in, the human was controlling me. Every time I tried to break the circle they stopped playing just long enough to push me back.

"I heard the rhymes start-up and I was concerned but not scared. After all though the things they were saying may have been terrible she couldn't understand their words to be intimidated by them, but then one of the children said something to the effect of I'll break each finger on your hand and then I heard five snaps and a scream.

"They were torturing her. Everything they said, they actually did in a bid to make her let me go. I don't know who it was that first decided to put the words into actions but everyone was only too eager to join along after that. Her screams were all I could hear and I kept fighting viciously to get inside the circle.

"I screamed and begged from the outskirts of the circle for them to please let her go. I told them I was sorry, that it was a mistake, that I promised to never make friends with a human ever again if they would just let her go but I was still assumed to be under her control, and my thoughts and my words were therefore not to be trusted. I was disregarded.

"Amaya had a better response than me. She knew if she spoke out and said anything they would assume that she too had been brainwashed, so she had a different idea. She came over to me and told me her plan. We didn't have much time. I recloaked her in the invisibility spell. Then, I pretended to be the possessed doll I was assumed to be and charged at the kids on the outside of the circle, attacking them.

"I didn't use anything that would hurt anyone permanently, I just tried to cause as much of a distraction as I could and knock as many people out as possible. It hurt to do. These were my friends, I loved them but it was either them or her and I loved her more."

"Did you get to her?"

"No. There were too many children for that, but the goal was never for me to get to her. The goal was simply for me to cause a distraction. I was doing a fairly good job too, but then Blyster appeared. I hesitated. That was all the time they needed.

"Someone knocked me down. The other children quickly came and grabbed me taking me over before I knew what to do. I'm sure they would've knocked me out or bound me at the point, but someone finally noticed and loudly proclaimed that the human was running into the woods.

"Without a second thought, everyone ran after her screaming kill the human leaving me there unguarded. I quickly ran after them. I used an invisibility spell and did my best to trip up people as I went, whether by misleading them and causing them to get lost or by literally tripping them if I could.

"I knew almost every part of those woods by heart by that time. Amaya and her might not have known them as well as I, but they knew them enough to run through them. The other kids knew next to nothing. We used this to our advantage.

"Her and Amaya ducked and dodged through some of the most difficult parts of those woods to travel. I made my way through following the trail of running children and taking shortcuts to get closer and closer to them as I went.

"As we got farther, there were fewer and fewer kids chasing. It eventually thinned out until it was only Amaya, her, about four or five other kids, and the only person who knew how to properly navigate those woods, thank to me, my brother.

"They weren't paying attention to where they were going. Maybe they simply forgot. They were paying more attention to the paths they were taking than to where they lead. I was close by then. I was right behind the other kids and they were almost in distance to grab her.

"I suppose the adrenaline of not being caught and the adrenaline of trying to neutralize the supposed threat were distracting, but they were almost to the tree line. I tried to yell for them to stop but once again, I was ignored. Blyster reached out and grabbed her right as the tree line broke and they both fell and went tumbling.

"All of the other children saw what was coming when the tree line broke and stopped. Amaya took off the invisibility spell as did I and we both screamed for them to stop but by that point, their bodies were just tumbling and it wasn't in their control. I ran out as fast as I could and threw my hands out just as they both disappeared over the cliff, the one I'd been trying to warn them about.

"I got there just in time. I caught both of their hands. I almost went over the edge with them just from the force of the impact. They almost tore my arms out of their sockets but utility magic is a great thing and I was able to stay on the edge, and there we were, me hanging over the side of a cliff with my brother in one hand and my sister in the other and if I dropped either of them, they were going to die.

"I was terrified but I took a breathe and told myself the worst of it was over. All I had to do was pull them up. There was no other way. I had to pull her up first Blyster was simply too big. There was no way I was going to pull him all the way up over the other side of the cliff with just one hand, he was bigger than me and my magic could only do so much. So, I pulled her up first.

"It was difficult and strenuous, but I managed it. I put her on the other side of the cliff knowing that Amaya would protect her from the other children while I was busy. Then I turned my attention to Blyster.

"He was terrified. I had never seen a look of fear on my brother's face before in my entire life. He was invincible and brave and amazing, and for the longest time in my life, he was my everything. This was the first time he needed me instead of the other way around. I was not going to fail him. I grit my teeth and I pulled.

"Slowly he started inching closer and closer to the side of the cliff. As he started to feel closer to the edge, I saw him smile in relief. In his mind, he must've thought I managed to break the spell to save him but at that point, I didn't care what he thought. I only cared that he was ok.

"She was safely on the other side of the cliff. I thought Amaya was watching her but apparently, Amaya was doing all she could simply to keep the other kids away from her. She looked over to see me lifting the person she'd just been running from over the side of the cliff.

"She couldn't have known why I was doing it. She couldn't have known that he was my brother, but either way, she and Blyster had similar policies on things trying to hurt them and those they loved. An incapacitated animal could get back up. A dead one, cannot.

"I never saw her coming. "He's dangerous," she cried. He was going to try and hurt me he was going to kill her. She kept saying it as she ran over to me. She couldn't allow me to save him. She told me she was sorry.

"She used all the strength she had and slammed her foot down on my hand bringing the full weight of her body down with it. I screamed in agony, I felt one of my bones crack and I didn't want to let go, I would rather she had taken my arm off all together than let Blyster fall, but I was little and she was bigger than me. My hand released involuntarily.

"I watched. I watched him fall as she screamed behind me about trying to save me, begging me to please not hate her, how she knew he was a Jotun but she had to do it, how she couldn't just let me get hurt like that because of him. It was a different type of pain altogether no words will ever be enough to describe it.

"I screamed after his falling body the whole time he fell and I waited, like the child I was, for something to happen, some unbelievable and unexpected event that would save his life, but no such thing happened. Even though I was screaming at myself in my mind that somehow, he must've made it and he was still alive, I already knew. There was no chance of survival for a fall that high.

I turned around to look at her. I was hurt, I was betrayed, and I was angry. She was only trying to help me, she thought he was going to hurt us so like Blyster had done for me so many times before, she defended us. I wanted to push all of my emotions onto her. I was a jumbled mess of pain and anger, it would've been a lot easier if I could just hater her for that. I couldn't.

"She was crying barely making coherent words still begging me to forgive her, to not be mad at her. I couldn't hate her, no matter how much I hurt. She was my sister even then. I loved her, but as I turned around to her to scream or cry or whatever my reaction would've been, that was the moment the other children took advantage of the confusion and grabbed at her.

"I ran over, prepared to knock them all out all over again but it wasn't like last time where I surprised them with my attack. This time they all anticipated, and they weren't as easy to take down. Still, difficult or not I had more skill."

"Wasn't Amaya there with you?"

"She was and she did do her best to fight, but Amaya does not know battle magic. She didn't then, she still doesn't now, only healing and she isn't good at hand to hand combat either. They knocked her out almost immediately. I kept the fight away from her but they weren't going to stop their assault on me to do any further harm to her. She wasn't the problem right then.

"There were five of them in total. I knocked out the first two easily enough, the second two were a bit harder to overcome but I was quickly getting the upper hand when I heard something. It's not like anything else, the snapping of bones twisting in a way they naturally aren't supposed to go. I told myself it was one of them, that someone else somewhere must've broke something.

"I turned to where the sound came from. They tossed her down into the snow, the person who'd done. They knew they couldn't win a full on confrontation with me, but then again they didn't need to. She lay there, staring out at nothing in the middle of the forest, her neck snapped.

"I stared out silently at the five kids. I suppose to them this situation was just as confusing as it could be but I had no sympathy left for them then. I had just lost my brother and my sister, all because they refused to listen. I had no more sympathy.

"She wasn't trying to hurt you. I said the words to them in an almost catatonic state over and over again, she was just trying to keep me safe she wasn't trying to hurt you. I said it, hoping they didn't care. They just stared at me confused, disgusted and angered that I would attack them, my own people, for a human. The human who had just killed my brother.

"I ran to get to the base of the cliff. My brother was strong. My brother was brave, he was invincible. He was my everything. I couldn't believe it. When I found his body, it was broken by the fall, limbs twisted at odd angles and eyes and mouth wide open in shock and fear.

"The entire time he was falling me was staring up and I couldn't fathom why but then I realized. He was waiting for some spell some last ditch effort from his little brother that would save his life. There was no such spell I knew at the time to use, and so such a spell never come.

"I carried him back to the top by myself. When I got there I woke up Amaya and made sure she was ok but everyone else was gone, including my sister's body. We carried him the rest of the way together. When I got him to the palace I was surprised to see my mother and father waiting there at the palace entrance for me, along with half the palace guard.

"I don't want to remember their faces when they saw him. Both of their hearts went still. My mother called for the medics. She screamed for them to do anything they needed to do to save her son, she didn't care what it was and they rushed to him immediately swarming around him trying desperately to fix the problem but it was no use.

"Before they could even recover from the pain of that, a group of guards came over to me. They handcuffed me and informed my parents that I was under arrest for harboring a human, an enemy of Jotunheim and for assisting in the murder of Blyster Laufeyson, crown prince of Jotunheim."

"Apparently the kids who were with us in the woods had returned to the palace and revealed to everyone what I had done, or at least their version of what I had done. The guards grabbed me against my parents protests. They demanded that I be released immediately and that no one was to touch me but I would still have to stand trial. Even my parents couldn't prevent that, not without a mutiny."

"Wait, if it wasn't your parents who made the call, who was it who called for you to be arrested?"

"The people who the children told about my deeds, the council and the high court. Both can call for someone to be arrested and both did. The news spread to the whole of Jotunheim. Rumors are like wildfire in that way and the citizens always followed drama like this to the letter.

"We rarely had true crimes or arrests in Jotunheim. Imagine their surprise when they heard, the crown prince killed by a human with the help of his little brother who had been harboring her. Tensions were high and everyone united and came together against me.

"I was painted as a maniacal villain who had plotted the murder of my brother from the shadows for a long time. I couldn't leave my room for the whole week before my trial for fear of being attacked by someone, angered at my supposed actions.

"The day came and I was brought before the high court. I was scared. I didn't know what to di or what to say, but then they did something unexpected. They brought in her corpse, which the other children from the woods had brought back with them and given them. 

"The temperature charms were still on her skin, the ones I had placed on her when she was a little girl and had modified after she fell into the water to save Amaya. The ones that were still alight with my magic. There was no question who put them there.

"I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to lie, that is often my first instinct. I could've gone with what the others believed, said I was under the influence of some type of mind control and that was why I acted so rashly. I could say she made me fight the kids. I could paint her as some villain puppeteer and me as her sad unwilling victim, the sad prince who was forced to kill his brother.

"Maybe that's what I should've done, I can't deny it would've had better results for me but I didn't. I tried to speak from the beginning and no one listened. My current audience had no choice and she deserved for someone besides me and Amaya to know that she wasn't an evil, she wasn't even trying to hurt anyone. She simply loved me, and I simply believed in my people too much.

"I wanted to tell them the truth, not because I thought it would help me but because I didn't want to see her vilified. Besides, as scary as the court was, I still had one major advantage. The high court can only make recommendations to the crown for punishment. My parents would have the final say over what happened to me and their word would be law. So I told them all the truth. All of it.

"I told them about the rift in the forest, I told them about how I saved her, I told them about how I kept her safe simply because I couldn't stand the thought of letting her die. I told them she had a right to life, and that even though I would never forgive myself for what happened in the forest, she wasn't doing it to hurt anyone. She was simply trying to protect me. She wanted to keep me safe because she loved me and I loved her. I always did fight to protect her and if she were alive, I still would.

"The trial took months. The people followed along closely the entire time, but there are no citizens allowed inside the room where a judicial hearing is taking place so the information they received was by word of mouth from the children of the high court members who told them how they felt about the trial of the murderer prince who valued human lives over Jotun.

"They called in witnesses, the witnesses being all of the children who had seen her that day and Amaya. Amaya defended me vehemently and her testimony was immediately dismissed because she was my attendant and therefore couldn't speak out against me for fear of seeming disloyal. Every other child called upon, all of them my former friends, testified against me and said I was guilty.

"By the time the day came for my sentencing, the public already made up their minds about the situation without hearing my side once. Finally the day came and it was time for the royal court to make their decision and to no one's surprise, they didn't believe me.

"The idea of me saving a human 'just because' was ludicrous. They threw accusations at me feet of things they thought would make more sense to explain my betrayal. They said I wanted to throne, they said I was jealous of Blyster, at one point they even tried to accuse me of planning a human rebellion against my home using the rift to gather humans and the woods to store them.

"I argued and argued telling them that they were wrong until I was red in the face but in the middle of me arguing with them I looked up and I finally realized something. I had assumed everyone simply wasn't listening to me, that if I could just explain it the right way that they would hear me. Truth was, they just didn't care. They didn't want to listen. They were never going to.

"I was found guilty by the high court. My recommended punishment was death but ultimately, it was my mother and father who would have the final say over what would happen to me. My parent had been oddly silent during the entire preceding. They were the only ones who sat back and listened to everything I had to say. Still, even they didn't completely understand why I did it.

"Understanding notwithstanding, they were still never going to order me to be executed. They would have had to carry it out themselves as the law stated, and they had just lost one son. They were not ready to kill the other. I still don't think they fully understand why I did what I did but it for them it was a simpler matter than most make it out to be. No matter what, they knew two things to be true.

"One, I loved Blyster with all my heart. I had ever since the day I was born and I would until the day I died and two, I loved Jotunheim almost as much. I would have gladly died even then before I put either of them in harms way and they knew that. They ruled it an accident. My sentence was changed to not guilty. No punishment was to be delivered to me and their ruling was final.

"The court was livid. The people were even more so. Their hatred of me had been growing steadily throughout the month despite their previous love for me, all in preparation for me being executed. They screamed for my blood to be spilled but no matter how angry they were, they couldn't challenge my parents decision, so they did something else.

"They continued to spread the word about my deeds, leaving out any parts they didn't see fit to include. They spoke about how I attacked my own people, gladly bringing harm to them with abandon because I wanted the throne and I thought all I had to do to get it was get Blyster out of the way to get it. They turned me into a monster, into an enemy of my own people.

"My brother was the beloved prince who was going to bring us into a new age and I was the selfish little brother who killed him. At his funeral there were many people who claimed that I didn't deserve to be there. The people stared at me with hatred and disgust and bloodlust. I was terrified. I had never seen anything like it before, and definitely not directed at me. It scared me to my core.

"She never got a funeral. She was burned, her body decaying into ashes, written off as a dangerous and deadly weapon to be used again the people. There are no cremations in Jotunheim. To use fire on a dead body is considered one of the most disrespectful and shameful things one can do, but they did it anyway to her. I never even got to bury her.

"The people had gotten upset at my parents decisions before for other rulings they had made but never had one caused such an outcry as this. However, my parents rule was law. No one could change it. I was free, if not in public, then at least in private. It wasn't a victory, but it was all I had.

"I went to bed the night of Blyster's funerals in tears. Ever since the day in the forest I'd had a hard time sleeping. If I did get any, it was usually erratic and filled with nightmares. I was considering casting a sleeping spell on myself when my door suddenly opened.

"There were guards stationed at my door at all times to protect me and even more guards all around the palace. They should've never made it inside, much less to my bedroom. They shouldn't have even known where my bedroom was, it wasn't exactly an easy place to find. They charged into my room, grabbed me from my bed, knocked me out and portalled away before I could even react.

"Those citizens did something that had never been seen in Jotunheim before that. They disobeyed the ruling of the crown. I woke up captured and I thought I knew what was going to happen to me. I thought they were going to kill me. I wasn't entirely wrong, they were going to kill me. Eventually.

"Apparently these citizens didn't think a simple execution was a good enough punishment for what I'd done. For what I'd done against my realm, I deserved far worse. There are things in this world worse than death. Much, much worse. If my parents refused to let me see justice, then they would do it themselves.

"Jotun do not like heat. It is the most painful thing a Jotun can experience. Fire has never been used on a living Jotunheim as punishment in all of our history. It was seen as too horrible a way to go even for the worst criminals of the realm. Until then.

"The finished their punishment for me. It was time for me to die, but I wouldn't have a quick death. I would get everything that was coming to me. I would suffer. They created a portal, the last one I was meant to see, and they threw me through it and on the other side was a lava field in Muspelheim where no one could hear me scream.

"Heat will burn through a warrior's skin killing them in a matter of hours, a mage whose magic will keep trying to heal the damage automatically, will stay alive and aware throughout this torture for much, much longer. It redefined the word pain and my magic did its job. I was awake and aware every second. I couldn't escape. I couldn't die.

"My parents were not notified of my disappearance until the next morning when Amaya told them she couldn't find me anywhere. It didn't take long for them to realize I was off realm. Normally a matter such as that would be handled in secrecy and no other realm would be informed of something so terrible, but their people weren't going to help them. They were forced to ask the other realms for help.

"I was lucky. We were in peace time, in wartime they would've never been able to reveal such a thing. We were allied with most of the realms. The only ones we were not friends with were Midgard and Asgard. We had allies everywhere else, including Muspelheim.

"I don't know how long I had been there before someone found me. Time didn't exist to me there and I have forever asked that no one tell me. I don't want to know how long that torture lasted. My parents thanked them profusely and asked that they return me unharmed. We had no quarrel with Muspelheim at the time and it should have been no problem, but things are never that simple.

"The fire giants demanded a reward, saying they required compensation for finding me and delivering me home. If they did not receive said compensation, they would leave me in the fields to eventually die a slow painful death.

"My parents were outraged. It was seen as a betrayal. They almost went to war over their disrespect and blatant disregard for my life in favor of their own wealth, but in the end there was nothing they could truly do. If they refused the offer, the fire giants would leave me there. My parents took the deal.

"I was brought to the healers. They were ordered to heal me. They told my parents without hesitation they would not lift a finger to help a traitor like me. They were told if they didn't they would be executed. They said so be it. My mother healed me herself. She barely succeeded in her efforts.

“When my parents had me back and had confirmed I was ok, they were livid. They demanded to know who took me and how they did it. I told them everything I knew. When the names were revealed the people were captured and brought in to stand trial.

"The public again followed the trial. They were proud of the would be heroes who were brave enough to defy the crown and kill the demon prince of their realm. During the trial those who captured me were questioned about how they managed to pull off their crime. How did they get to me?

"The gaurds in front of my room didn't put up a fight. They simply stood to the side and let them enter knowing full well their intentions, but that still didn't explain how they found my room or how they were able to sneak through the palace undetected. As it turned out, someone told them the guards' rotation patterns and how to get around them. They also told them to location of my room.

“Those people were the children from the courtyard. At first I wanted to believe they simply didn't know what was going to happen to me, but it was quickly revealed that wasn't the case. They knew, and they didn't care.

"The royal court said my attackers should go free. My parents disagreed and ordered that everyone involved in my kidnapping and lack of rescue be hanged, from the attackers, to the guards at my door, to the healers who didn't want to heal me. Everyone who had a hand it it was to be killed."

"What about the children?"

"Everyone. My parents had just had their power threatened. These people were going to pay the cost for it so everyone would know what happened when someone threatened their son. The execution was a public event. All of Jotunheim was required to be in attendance, including me. 

"When my kidnappers were brought out before the crowd, the people cheered for them, saying they were heroes and protesting their unfair punishment. They were hung. The guards who were standing outside my room, hung. The nurses who refused to treat me, hung. Then finally came my friends, the ones I grew up with. The ones who led a group of murderers to my room to kill me. Hung. 

"There was a woman in the crowd, an old woman, an elder of her village who stared at me the entire time the proceedings were occurring. I tried to ignore her. After all the executions had been carried out, she screamed with a loud voice "Dorthrak! He is a dorthrak!" The crowd quickly followed her lead. Soon the entire crowd was screaming it, the air loud with their cries and calls for my death.

"They said it should've been me hanging from the end of that rope, not their friends, their loved ones, their people, it should've been me. I was no longer a Jotun from that point on. I was a dorthrak.

"Time has gone on and feelings towards humans have changed and evolved on their own. I should've never tried to speed up the process. Now many Jotun like or have no feelings at all towards humans. It hurts to see them so freely enjoying something that I had to ruin my life for. All I knew from that day on was assassination attempts, no matter how much the public opinion had changed.

"The people who vilified me hated me because I saved a human. Many of them are still alive today. Many have died trying to kill me over the millennia. All of them passed that hatred down to their children and they hated me too because it didn't matter how they felt about humans, it was still my fault that Blyster was dead. Rumors still spread to this day about my motivation.

"In the beginning it was hard. I didn't want to kill, I didn't even want to fight but I didn't have a choice. Centuries of attempts finally made me into the very thing they accused me of being, a killer of my own people.

"The more I did it the easier it became until killing them seemed easier and more natural to me than running away or trying to leave them unconscious. After all as my brother and sister taught me, an incapacitated enemy can get up. Death is permanent.

"I'm sure the current Jotun will teach their children to hate me just as they were taught to. When I come to the throne they will hate me even more. If my parents had any other children the people would likely lobby for them to be the next king or queen and not me, though they likely wouldn't be successful. I doubt my parents would allow such a motion to pass.

"I had to fear for my life. Eventually, I had to defend myself. Over time defending my life became my life, and this all started because of the war with the humans but in centuries of defending myself, I have killed more Jotun than any single human ever has or likely will.

"So, in the end, I had my mother, my father, and Amaya, the only person to stay with me throughout it all and even she has left me now. So, I have no brother, no sister, no friends and no people. Does that answer your question Stark?"

Chapter Text

Tony stared out into a quiet dark room. He didn't speak, he could barely think. He hadn't said a word since Loki finished his story almost half an hour ago. He heard Loki ask if all of that answered his question as if a simple yes or no would suffice after everything he'd just heard.

He'd never heard a more traumatizing life story in his life. He didn't know what he'd expected when Loki told him he'd accidentally killed his brother but that... that was a lot. Loki had drifted off to sleep almost immediately after he stopped talking, exhausted from having to go through all of those events again. Tony could hear the steady rhythm of his breathing as he sat peacefully, unconscious.

Tony wasn't sure if he was ever going to sleep again. Ever since Loki got to the part about the kids chasing him in the forest, he'd had the overwhelming urge to make sure he was ok. He knew logically everything was fine, he was no longer running through a field in Jotunheim, he was here with him but he still had the strangest need to see him and confirm he was ok for himself. That need had only grown as the story continued and it wasn't any better now.

The door opened slowly and Amaya came in with his usual water and coffee. She squinted. In most ways, the room looked exactly the same as the last time she'd been in it. Loki was asleep, Tony was still tied up and he looked awful.

"Tony? Is everything ok?" He barely looked up at her as she made her way across the room. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Tony opened and closed his mouth without a word trying to find an explanation. What was wrong? What was he supposed to say to that after everything he just heard? How was he supposed to explain all of that? Then he remembered he didn't need to explain it all. Amaya was there.

"He told me about her."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Amaya went stiff as a board. Her eyes immediately zeroed in on Loki. suddenly she looked even more distressed than Tony did.

"How much did he tell you?"

"Everything."

To his surprise, tears started to form in Amaya's eyes

"Please, he's already been through enough. Don't hurt him if you're mad I understand but-"

I'm not going to hurt him Amaya. I'm no threat to him."

"A lot of people have said that and then tried to kill him."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? He told you the story you know what happened."

"Yeah but why? He was trying to help someone. He saved a life! Why does that warrant hatred from everyone in the realm?"

It was the one question that kept rattling around in his mind as he sat there. The answers that Loki gave him about the war and hating the enemy kept coming to mind in answer but it just wasn't enough. He kept looking for something some type of explanation or excuse or justification, anything to make this better, but he'd found nothing and he was still confused.

"Tony it's not that simple-"

"It seemed pretty simple Amaya but he still didn't deserve it."

"I know he didn't deserve it Tony but-"

"He was eleven! The court tried to have him executed he was kidnapped-"

"I know what happened Stark! I was there, who do you think figured out he was missing!"

Amaya stared, face half angered and shifting nervously. She looked like she was trying to decide between defending or attacking. The fact that Tony was still tied up against the window didn't seem to make much difference.

In another world, the idea of Amaya trying to defend Loki like this might've been comical. He was one of the most powerful mages in all the realms. Even without magic, he was still extremely dangerous. The thought of him needing protection from anyone was just laughable before but now...

"He thinks you've abandoned him. When he finished everything, he said that even you had left him now."

"It's complicated."

"What's so complicated about somebody needing you that much and you leaving them?"

It sounded like an accusation, and maybe it was one, but Amaya just shook her head.

"It’s complicated Stark. My first priority is and always will be making sure that he is ok. That has never changed and it never will it's just... Sometimes certain things have to happen to make sure he stays safe."

"What’s so bad that you had to drive a knife through his heart to save him? Compared to everything I just heard, I can't imagine anything so bad you have to hurt him like this."

Tony looked at Amaya waiting for an explanation but one never came. She shook her head regretfully.

"It's not that easy Stark and it's not something I can explain. I’m sorry."

She was sorry. He could feel the regret coming from her in waves but after everything, 'I’m sorry; just didn’t feel like enough to him. He sighed. Tony tried to turn his head enough to see Loki, not for the first time, but just like every other time his body stopped short, the ropes stopping his neck from completing the motion. He didn't understand how Amaya had managed to tie his entire body up so tightly but it was what he asked for.

"If you can't tell me, can you at least tell him? Don't you think he deserves that?"

"He deserves the world and I'd give it to him if I could but I can't. You think I would do this to him, hurt him like this, on purpose?"

"You're not trying to hurt him but you are and he's not going to recover from it. You need to try. He doesn't exactly have enough relationships in his life to be casually losing one of his most important ones."

Tony couldn't believe Loki had made it this far with everyone who'd already left him. He didn’t need anymore losses. Tony's head fell back with a thunk against the glass as he tried to shimmy against the restraints and failed spectacularly.

"Undo these ties. They're starting to chafe." He waited patiently but Amaya didn't move, hesitance and caution written all over her face. "Amaya. I'm not going to hurt him. You know I'm not going to hurt him. I just want to make sure he'd ok."

Amaya still looked worried and a bit tense. Her eyes still darted back to Loki every few seconds but eventually, she sighed. Tony rubbed at his released limbs as they were slowly let free. He was just as tired as he had been before but he refused to go to sleep, not yet.

Everything hurt. Everything was tired, but Tony didn't care. He didn't try to stand, that would've taken too much energy and he didn't have much left. He slowly made his way back to his usual spot. He wasn't ready for the instant wash of relief that flooded through every bone, every muscle, every part of his body once Loki was back in eyesight again. Tony was happy to see he looked ok.

His under eyes were still just as dark, his hair looked just as wild and as crazy, and he still looked a mess in general but Tony didn't care. There was nothing he'd rather see than Loki's face right now. He was relieved to be back in his spot.

"I know you don't exactly trust me right now and I get it if the answer is no, but can you bring me something to drink."

"I just brought you water."

"Something stronger to drink? Please? I know you need to protect him right now but-"

"No. It's ok, I'll go get it for you."

Tony turned to look. Amaya had the strangest look on her face but before he could question it, she turned around and walked out of the room to go grab what he'd requested. Tony turned back to Loki and once again thought about everything he'd told him. The question of why still floated around in his head and unsurprisingly he still had no answer.

Amaya came back only a minute later with a full bottle of alcohol in her hand. He took it gratefully and as soon as it was open he took a long, long drink. For a few moments, the two sat there together watching over Loki as he slept in silence.

"What do I say to him? He's going to expect some kind of a response when he wakes up what do I say?"

"What is there to say? Sorry, your entire race is racist? That doesn't exactly cover it, and he'd rather kill you than receive sympathy."

"Why's that?"

"Sympathy is never real, not for him at least. Anyone who's ever tried to show sympathy to him has tried to kill him. At this point, I'm pretty sure he just associates it with danger."

"He associates everything with danger."

"Now you see why."

Tony took another long drink. He held the bottle up to Amaya but she simply shook her head. "You need it more." Tony couldn't exactly deny that.

"Tell me about her."

"Her? Loki's sister?"

"Yeah, you knew her too right? Loki told me about her but I wanted to hear about her from a different perspective. What did you think of her?"

"I'm sure there's not much for me to say that Loki hasn't covered. She was amazing. She was a truly curious person, wanting to explore and find things just for the sake of it, like Loki. She was caring and quite funny though none of us could ever have a real conversation seeing as how she didn't understand us. I didn't like her at first." Amaya suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"I'd like to say I was like Loki and I rejected the Jotun's ideas that all humans were evil but the truth was, I was happy to hate the humans. Both my parents were dead, killed in a conflict they personally had nothing to do with. I wanted an explanation on how something so cruel could happen and when you're confused and everyone around you is telling you who to blame, well... You sort of run with it."

"Loki didn't."

"Loki was always different. He was special. I should've tried to be more like him back then."

"Why didn't you tell on him when you found him in the woods? You hated the humans why did you protect him when you saw him with one?"

"The same reason I do anything. Loyalty. I'm loyal to him, above my own whims, above my realm, I am and always will be loyal to him first. I didn't understand why he insisted on being around a human, but he wanted to, and revealing her to anyone would've only resulted in her death. It would've been a betrayal.

"Besides, she made him happy. I wish you could've seen him back then. You can't imagine how cheery he was as a young child. He always loved his life but when he was with her... It was just something about it that brought out the best in him. He really did love her."

"Did you?"

"Eventually. Honestly, it was hard not to, even when I didn't want to like humans. She was just such a sweet person."

"Then why hate her?"

"Because I didn't want to believe that she could be a good person. She was a human. If she wasn't bad then maybe not all humans were bad. Maybe the humans were just regular people and some were good and some were bad just like Jotun."

"What was so bad about that?"

"Because if humans really weren't all that bad, who was I going to blame for my parents' death?"

Tony didn't have an answer for that. He wished he did but he didn't. War just wasn't that simple.

"I was wrong. I know that now, I knew it back then I just didn't want to believe it, but she showed me I was clinging to an easy excuse for a hard situation. She didn't deserve my hatred. Eventually, I realized that. She became one of the best people I will ever know."

The two fell silent again and Tony once again looked over at Loki. He hadn't known something as simple as not being able to read his face or see his facial expressions would be this stressful for him. It honestly didn't make sense, he knew Loki was ok. He didn't understand why he felt the need to check on him so much.

"What is he dreaming about? He can't be having a nightmare right now"

Amaya looked at Loki for a few seconds before she shook her head. "I can't read his mind, only his emotions, but by the look of things, I don't think he's dreaming at all. He's finally getting some meaningful sleep."

Tony sighed and sagged into the ground happily taking another drink. "Finally, that's only the second time. He needs to sleep more."

"Yeah well, he never really had an easy time with that since the incident."

"Yeah... Wait what?" Tony sat up straight. He could feel the gears in his head already working even before he understood completely why they were going. "He said he had trouble sleeping ever since the day in the forest is that true?"

"Yeah, he used wards to help him get to sleep. He told me not to worry about it that it would be ok. I didn't want to believe him but we had bigger problems at the time and I honestly just didn't have the time to worry about it with everything going on."

"Did he have any problems sleeping before that day?"

"Occasionally but usually if he did it was about something minor and Blyster would usually be able to get him back to sleep."

"What did he dream about after Blyster and her died?"

"I don't know, he never talked about his dreams much after that. He learned some spells to help him sleep, he took care of it and that was that."

"But no one actually went to him and comforted him or checked on him or anything like that afterward?"

"No like I said, he took care of it. What are you on about? What's the problem?"

Tony ignored her question and let the gears in his brain continue to work. "I think I'm starting to understand what the real problem is."

"So can you help him?"

"I'm not sure. It's not exactly an easy problem to fix and it's really not my department, but I'll try."

Tony quickly looked up startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder and when he looked up Amaya was staring at him with the most desperate expression he had ever seen.

"Try. Do your best. If you can't help him, his entire future might be at stake because of it."

Before Tony could any of the million questions that sentiment raised, Amaya turned around and walked out of the room. Loki didn't wake up for hours after that. He slept peacefully, not a single twitch, not a single murmur, and Tony sat in front of him drinking and watching him the entire time.

Tony still wasn't sure what to say to Loki when he woke up and unsurprisingly the alcohol wasn't helping. What do you say to someone after learning something like that? Sympathy and general kindness weren't options, so what did that leave? Tony had never heard of a more messed up life in all his days.

He barely noticed when Loki finally started to rouse. He was so quiet. He was as still as a statue even as he slowly opened his eyes but Tony was prepared and watched as he slowly came to full consciousness. He tried for a smile he was sure was lopsided but it was all he could do at the moment so he went with it. He held the bottle slightly towards Loki.

"Want some?"

Loki stared at him for a few moments. Tony wasn't sure what he was expecting in response. He wasn't even sure if he was expecting a response at all. It was a stupid question and honestly, he wouldn't be surprised if Loki mocked him for it.

Loki slowly leaned forward the tiniest bit, his body shaking with the effort. Tony smiled and was about to lean forward to help Loki take a sip but before he could, Loki slammed his head back and crashed it against the glass window. Tony shot to his feet in a panic.

"What are you doing!" He wasn't sure if he should run to Loki or get Amay. before he could figure it out Loki leaned forward again and slammed his head back as hard as he could and broke the glass. 

Glass shards rained down around Loki's body. The alcohol in his system was not helping Tony figure out what was going on but before he could react he noticed the large shard of glass Loki had grabbed from the floor. His hand shook with the effort just to hold it but he held the glass tight and Tony had no doubt if he took one step forward, Loki would hurt him with it.

"Put down the glass! What are you doing!"

"Stay away from me! Stay back!"

"Loki I'm not doing anything I'm not even moving! Why are you waving glass at me!"

"You're coming to kill me! That was your intention all along, right? I'm not stupid!"

A bright crimson streak started to make its way down Loki's neck with no signs of slowing but Loki barely seemed to notice it. He could see cuts appearing where the glass was biting into his hand but Loki didn't seem to care. He just kept staring at him, waiting, even as the blood started to flow faster and his eyes started to droop.

"Amaya! Amaya Loki's hurt! Help!"

"How did this happen?"

It was the first thing either of them had said since they started removing the glass.

"He woke up, I offered him a drink, and he immediately put his head through the glass. You tell me."

"You offered him some of your drink?"

"Yeah?"

"He probably thought you were trying to poison him."

Tony paused with his tweezers an inch from a piece of glass he was about to grab.

"I just asked if he wanted a drink why would he think I was trying to poison him?"

"Because he's been poisoned before. Don't offer him anything to eat or drink. He doesn't consume what he doesn't prepare, he knows better by now."

"We've been here for months, he's stayed in this room the entire time. He hasn't prepared anything what has he eaten all this time?"

"Probably nothing."

"How long can Jotun go without food?"

"If need be we can go years. It's not exactly pleasant but we can."

"He seriously hasn't eaten a thing since we got here?"

"What did you think he was doing, sneaking meals?" Tony didn't know what he'd assumed. If he was honest he really hadn't thought about it. "He's gone without for longer, he'll be ok Don't offer him anything else." 

The two continued working, the quiet sound of glass hitting a tray the only sound in the room for quite a while. twenty-two shards of glass. That's what Loki did to his head when he used it to break the window. All of the furniture in the room had been pushed to form a barricade between Loki and the glass wall. They moved him over to an unbroken piece of drywall and let him rest.

"He should be ok. His head will hurt when he wakes up, the rest will heal over time. He shouldn't be able to break the drywall, assuming he has the energy to even try again which I doubt he will. The sleep he got earlier must've done more than we thought if he was able to do all that."

"That's one way of putting it."

It was hours before Loki started to wake up again. Amaya had long since gone back to her room by then. Tony saw when his eyes first started to flutter open. He gave him a second to take in his new surroundings. Just because he couldn't break his head through the drywall didn't mean he wanted him to try.

"Let's address the elephant in the room. We're no longer sitting against the glass wall after you tried to use it as a weapon and almost accidentally put a piece through your brain. We'll be staying here from now on so you'll be safe."

"You were trying to give me something."

"I was trying to offer you a drink."

"I thought you were trying to kill me."

"I wanted to help you feel better after having to tell me everything you told me."

Tony sat and waited while Loki's eyes continued to shift around, constantly moving from one corner of the room to the next. He couldn't help the thought that he was probably looking for a different weapon.

"You called Amaya for help. I heard you before I went unconscious."

"You were hurt and she's the best healer I know. It was a pretty easy choice."

"You saved my life."

"You sound surprised."

Loki didn't answer that. He turned to the bottle of alcohol still sitting half full at Tony's side.

"What is that?"

"This?" Tony picked up the bottle in question. "It's just a bottle of alcohol."

"I wouldn't try to offer me anything to eat or drink in the future. I don't tend to respond well to it."

"Yeah, Amaya mentioned that. She said you were poisoned."

"Another attempt from the citizens to see justice served at my expense."

Tony stared, a grim look coming to his face at the reminder of the citizens of Jotunheim and their means of 'justice' against an innocent child.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve it."

He tried to ignore it but he couldn't help but see how Loki tensed at his words. He was grateful when Loki didn't try to kill him for the words but Loki just shook his head.

"Spare me the sympathy Stark. I do not want it, not even from you."

"Still." Tony didn't say anything else but they both knew what he would've said if he could've continued without it turning into a screaming match.

"No questions about my pathetic excuse for a life?"

"You're not pathetic and your life isn't either. Filled with trauma, yes, but not pathetic, and no, you get a break for now."

Tony was sure he didn't want him to, but he saw the way Loki glanced at his tablet quickly before he looked away.

"What brought on this sudden streak of benevolence?"

"I don't know maybe it was learning about all the death and despair that's followed you around for the past few millennia like flies."

Loki shook his head, eyes going far away to a different time, a time long past. For once, Tony now had an idea of what that time was.

"I couldn't save them. Either of them. My family destroyed, all because of my greed and weakness."

"That wasn't your fault. You were trying to protect them." Loki didn't seem to hear him. He just continued looking off into the distance. Tony reached out and silently grabbed hold of Loki's hand as gently as he could. He could feel how Loki had to physically fight not to flinch away from the contact as his eyes suddenly locked in on him, but he didn't move away. 

"What happened to Blyster and her wasn't your fault and what the citizens did in response, that wasn't your fault either. You didn't deserve that. They shouldn't have attacked you and your friends should've stuck by your side throughout it. That's what real friends do."

"I didn't have any real friends. They made that very clear after everything that happened. For all your talk of real friends and what they should've done, you likely would've done the same had you been there back then."

"I would've never left you."

Tony mentally pinched himself. He started panicking as soon as the words left his mouth. He was still sitting so close, one of Loki's hands still in his, leaning slightly forward staring at him to make sure he was ok. He hadn't realized how that would sound coming out of his mouth like that. He could take it back. Loki looked like he was waiting for him to do just that but why take it back? He meant it after all.

"I would've stayed with you, even if they hated you. Even if they attacked me for it, I would've never left your side. I wish your other friends had reached the same conclusion."

Tony sat back and let go of Loki's hand. The panic only increased as he waited for Loki's reaction. Why had he done that? Was he trying to scare him? Loki looked away, his face completely hidden away from Tony's sight and Tony was sure he had messed up.

"Yes well, you do like to annoy me. I'm sure you would've stuck around just for that."

Part of Tony gave a huge sigh of relief, happy he hadn't ruined anything in this, already fragile, relationship, but only part of him.

"Of course. Who would annoy you like I would?"

Loki gave a small laugh, his face still completely hidden from Tony's sight but he didn't offer any words in response.

"You want to read? I still have the next part of the story written out on my tablet."

Loki nodded and Tony placed the device firmly on Loki's lap, making sure not to touch him even slightly as he did so. He sat back as far away as he could get while still being close enough to not worry and waited as Loki silently read through the story.

"I hope you know I still hate you."

Tony chuckled. "Feeling's still mutual frosty."

If Tony squinted, he could swear he could see Loki smile.

Chapter Text

"Give him to me he's mine!"

"No, he's mine!"

"Let go!"

"You let go!"

The screaming that went back and forth between the two children was the only thing Loki could hear besides his own screaming at being ripped apart. He was sitting between Blyster and her. Each one was holding one of his arms and pulling for all their worth proclaiming him as theirs and he kept screaming and yelling that he was going to break and they were hurting him but they just wouldn't listen. Every time he screamed they pulled harder and harder and he didn't know what to do anymore. He just wanted it to end.

"He's my brother, I want him!"

"He's my brother too! Give him to me!"

"I had him first!"

"Yeah well, he likes me better!"

"No he likes me better!"

"No he doesn't!"

"Hey! Stop that what are you doing!"

Loki's eyes opened wide in shock. All the pain in his body suddenly went away and he could feel both of his arms being released as he looked up to see a dream version of Stark standing between him and his siblings with his arms out protectively.

Both of his siblings were standing in front of Tony. Blyster had his arms crossed with a stubborn look on his face but he looked anywhere but Tony's face, it was one of the only tells Blyster had for when he was ashamed. Her on the other hand was staring at the ground embarrassed, hands behind her back with one foot playing in the snow.

"You can't keep hurting him just because you're mad at each other and want him to spend time with you. He's not a toy, he's real. He shouldn't have to fear being with one of you for fear of what the other might think! Go, find something else to do, go explore or something. Go away."

Loki watched as the childish forms of his siblings walked off, annoyed and embarrassed at being scolded. Blyster blew a rasberry but both of them walked away and they didn't come back.

He'd wanted to tell them those exact words in his dreams many times, but he'd never been able to. Tony still had his arms spread, he didn't put them down until his siblings had disappeared somewhere into the forest, and then he turned around.

"Loki are you alight?"

He didn't answer, too in shock as Tony held out a hand for him and he, to his own surprise, took it with no problem and let himself be pulled to his feet. Tony reached a hand up, checking first his shoulder and then sliding his hand down to check his forearm, his wrist, and his hand.

Everywhere his hand touched a tingling sensation followed and it made Loki hungry for something he didn't understand. He checked the other arm while Loki watched, scared and amazed but refusing to move or back away from the surprisingly gentle hands.

"What are you doing here? You're not normally here what's going on?"

Stark looked back up at him but instead of answers he looked confused as if that was a silly question. He put a hand on his face and Loki could feel his breathe hitch in his throat. His face felt warm, his entire body felt warm.

"What are you doing?"

"Loki? Loki are you ok?"

Was he ok? What kind of a question was that, he'd just saved him he should know he was ok. He said it earlier too. What was going on?

"Are you ok Loki? Loki? Loki wake up. Loki? Loki?"

His eyes suddenly snapped open in shock as the real Tony Stark sat in front of him looking every bit as concerned as his dream counterpart had and looking at him stragely.

"Are you ok? You looked like you were having another nightmare. I was about to wake you but the twitching stopped and you didn't wake up. I didn't know if you were ok."

Tony looked searchingly at Loki's face as Loki just stared back at him, eyes wide and still slightly panicked. Whether he was panicked because of what Tony did in his dreams or because of how the real one was looking at him right now he didn't know.

"Loki? Are you ok?"

Tony leaned in eyes narrowed to get a better look at Loki's face. Loki felt his face heat up at that question, so similar to the one in his dream. Stark was too close, way too close to him right now. He could see his hands sitting on the ground only inches from his own, the same hands that had been touching him in his dreams moments before. What was wrong with him!

"Loki?"

"I'm fine Stark! You don't need to dote on me like some parent I am perfectly fine thank you!"

Tony gave him a strange look for his defensiveness. In reality he knew he had no real reason to be defensive but with Stark's face getting closer and closer to scrutinize his own was making him feel dizzy. He was breathing faster, his heart was beating faster. He didn't know what was going on. He was both grateful and upset when Tony fully sat down back on his side. He was so confused.

"Did you have another nightmare?"

Did he have a nightmare? It definitely started out as one but with the ending...

"No."

"Oh!"

Tony looked actually shocked to hear that. He kept looking at him calculatingly and Loki wasn't sure if he could handle much more of that gaze.

"Did you have a dream then?"

"I-yes. Yes I did."

Tony genuinely looked interested, more so than he usually did which was impressive. He could see the gears working in his head as he was already trying to figure out the new data.

"Ok great! What happened in it?"

"I don't remember."

Loki forced himself to maintain eye contact as the gears in Tony's head stopped and his excited look was replaced with a confused and slightly suspicious one. Loki didn't care if he was suspicious, it was one of the worst lies he'd ever told, but he was not telling Tony about what just happened to them in the forest, absolutely not."

"You don't remember?" Tony repeated the words with all the sarcasm he could muster. Loki glared at him even harder.

"No, Stark I don't remember! If memory serves that's not exactly a rare phenomenon when it comes to dreams!"

Tony still didn't look convinced but Loki didn't care. He could either push the issue and piss Loki off leading to a screaming match and no progress or he could move on. Thankfully, Tony picked the later.

"Ok so do you get any energy back when you just dream?"

Loki tested his limbs as much as he could without using too much energy.

"I have a bit, but not much. I still can't exactly scale a mountain but it's better than nothing."

"Good, well you got a lot of sleep so since you're now feeling a little bit better, let's try walking."

That made Loki's eyes open wide in surprise.

"I'm not sure that's the best idea. I said I have a little bit of energy not a lot. If I get up there's no guarantee I'll be able to hold my own body weight, much less take a step."

"Well that's what I'm here for. Your muscles have probably started to atrophy so it'll be difficult but if nothing else it'll let us know exactly how much you get back from sleeping. It'll give us a gauge for how much sleep you actually need to start walking around again."

"You're not listening to me Stark. I don't know if I can. If I get up and try to support my weight and can't, I will smiply fall to the ground again."

"No you won't, I'm right here. Just hold on to me while you do it."

Loki's reaction was immediate. His entire body went stiff as a board and his mind went blank as the only thought he could comprehend was Stark touching him.

'Loki? Are you alight?' Why did that line keep playing in his head over and over again!

"Loki? Loki?"

Loki snapped back into reality to see Tony looking at him again. The looks he gave him kept getting stranger and stranger and he looked even more concerned than before.

"If you had another nightmare you can tell me."

"I didn't have another nightmare Stark I'm not lying to you" 'about that.'

Tony lenaed back but he still had that look of concern on his face and he didn't let it drop.

"Uh huh. So do you want to try walking?"

Loki took a deep breathe. It was fine. It was Stark touching him, he wasn't going to do anything to him but that was what frightened Loki the most because for some reason he knew that. He'd always trusted Stark not to kill him, he needed him alive but this was different. He didn't just trust him not to kill him, he trusted him not to hurt him. He never trusted anyone that much.

Maybe it was the head injury. He had just crashed his head against a wall of glass and he was fairly sure Amaya had to pry a few pieces out, maybe she simply wasn't able to fix all of the damage but that didn't sound right. Amaya was always able to heal him perfectly and even if she hadn't she would've told him if anything wasn't fixed correctly.

'I would've never left you.'

Maybe it was something else altogether that was making Loki blush. Maybe it was something else that was making him act this way altogether. He wasn't sure and he was so confused. He could feel himself start to get antsy, his body start to panic but just before he could start to self destruct, suddenly he remembered the forest.

He could see Tony looking at him concerned, checking over him to make sure his siblings handn't done any damage and then he could feel his hand slowly traveling down his arm leaving a trail of sensations wherever they went and he could see him, reaching to touch his face and suddenly he was no longer sure if he was leaning back or leaning towards his hand.

Loki's brain suddenly cut back on line and brought him back from the forest with a jolt. His cheeks were warm, he had to blink a few times to truly see and when he did he saw Tony looking at him calculatingly, trying to get the pieces of this that Loki wouldn't tell him and waiting for Loki to come back from his trance.

"Walking. Yes let's try that."

He needed Tony to stop looking at him that way, but he managed to give him one more confused glance as he slowly got off the floor and walked over to Loki. He was getting closer, why wasn't he panicking from that. He normally panicked whenever people got closer to him why wasn't he doing that?

The next thing he knew, Tony was standing over him, towering over him but instead of feeling defensive and on guard, Loki felt protected. Why did he feel protected, he wasn't even doing anything, and when was the last time another person made him feel protected? Something was wrong. Very wrong.

"I'm going to hold both of your hands and help you pull yourself up, ok?"

Tony's sudden words made Loki tune back in. He was getting frustrated, since when was he able to tune out so easily. He was always aware of his surroundings, since when did Stark control whether or not he lost sight of reality! Loki nodded. Tony slowly leaned down to grab Loki's hands from off the floor.

This was it. Stark was reaching for his hands. He was actually going to touch him. Loki could feel his breathing start to pick up again. Stark was leaning closer, his face was getting closer. He was at least nice enough to keep his eyes on Loki's hands and not his face which was good becasue if he looked at Loki right now, he was fairly sure he was going ot explode from sheer panic and overstimulation.

Tony took his hands, each one in his. He picked them up gently, taking each one in his like they were made of marble. Loki could see Tony's eyes shifting up ot his face every few seconds to see if he was ok but Loki was transfixed staring at their hands where Tony was touching him.

Wherever Tony touched he could feel his body vibrate with energy and even now, with him so close and touching him, close enough to strike if he so wanted to, Loki still didn't feel scared. He suddenly remembered Tony touching him exactly like this last night, reaching out and taking hold of one of his hands, bringing him back from a bad memory of his home and he had been scared at first at someone touching him when he was thinking of such a bad memory, but it was only Tony and while he couldn't quite calm down, he knew even then that Tony wouldn't hurt him.

He felt cautious, that would never go away. He knew ever last thing Tony could do to him right now, he knew every move he could make every way he could hurt or kill him from this position but something in him just somehow knew that Tony wouldn't actually do it. He didn't know what to do with that.

"We can stop if you want."

"No!"

Loki's eyes suddenly snapped back up to Tony's in panic. The two stared at each other and honestly he wasn't sure who was more surprised at his sudden outburst. Tony's face was so close, why was it that close? He hadn't meant to call out like that but the very thought of Tony letting go of him right now was very unpleasant. He shook his head quickly to clear all of his thoughts. He wasn't going to be able to function like this.

"I'm fine. Continue."

"Loki we don't need to do this if you want to stop-"

"I said it's fine Stark. Come, we're already here we might as well keep going."

There was no point in arguing with him, they both knew it, but Tony looked less and less sure about this than ever before. Loki took a deep breathe. Enough of this, he needed to get control of himself. He didn't know why he was acting so crazy so suddenly! Tony was just going to hold his hand, help him up, and then he was going to try to take a step. That was all. He needed to calm down, or he was going to do something crazier than he already had.

"I'm going to start pulling you up now."

"Procede." His response was totally normal but Stark still looked at him like he was worried about him. Loki kept his face neutral.

Tony took a firm grip on both of his hands and held them tight.

"Ready. 1... 2... 3!"

Loki grunted at the effort but suddenly, he could feel himself rising as his body quickly got to its feet. He was up in a second and the sudden change made him panic.

"Loki it's ok. I got you it's ok, calm down. You need to calm down. I'm going to let go of your hands, and when I do, I need you to grab my shoulders, ok?"

Loki slowly came back at the sound of Tony's voice. He forced himself to look at Tony and as soon as he did, he could feel himself start to calm down. He didn't have that much energy left. He needed Tony to take more of his weight before it all fell back down again. He nodded. The second he felt Tony's grip on his hands loosen, he could feel his body start to go into panic mode.

Within a second, Loki reached out and grabbed Tony's shoulders holding on with all his might. He could feel Tony's hands shift and suddenly they weren't holding his hands they had a grip on his hips and Loki could feel Tony taking on what was honestly probably more weight than he should in his current state, but Tony didn't say anything and he just waited for Loki to adjust.

Loki took another shaky deep breathe. He couldn't beleive how weak he really was, that something as simple as supporting his own weight was scary. If someone tried to attack him right now they would probably succeed.

"Hey, Loki. Stay with me you're ok. Do you need to sit down?"

"No I just..." Loki wasn't sure if he really wanted ot finish that statement but Tony just sat there, no judgement on his face, no pitty, just waiting for him to see if he wanted to continue. It made his heart melt. "I don't like that you have to help me."

It was half muttered. Loki probably sounded like a child which only made this whole thing more embarrassing, but Tony didn't react. He just smiled slightly.

"You're standing for the first time in months. You shouldn't be able to do even that much but you are. You're doing amazing." Loki felt the urge to blush at all of the priase but he forced his body to calm down. He was not going to act like a little child every time someone did something nice for him today! "I mean just look at you now. If you keep going like this soon you won't need me at all."

Loki's heart froze. It took all of his strength and self control to make sure his body didn't follow suit. 'Soon you won't need me at all.' Wouldn't need him? No more Stark? Why was that making his brain panic? Why didn't he like that? He liked being alone, he liked being independent. Since when did he care so highly about the presence of...

He didn't even want to finish that statement.

"Are you ready to take a step now?"

"Yes. Let's do it."

"Great. Right foot first."

Loki and Tony both stared at each other, determined to do this right and they both took a deep breathe as slowly they each picked up their foot and moved it forward.

"Ow!"

"Stark what are you-!"

There was a loud crash as they both hit the ground, hard.

"What happened!"

"I said go right!"

"That was my right!"

"My right, not your right!"

"Why wouldn't you specify that!"

Loki picked his head up from where it had landed inches away from Tony's and tried to ignore the predicament they were in, and the fact that Ton'ys hand were still on his hips, or the fact that their faces were still so close, or the fact that he was laying on top of him with his entire body plastered to the front of Tony's and it was making him blush AGAIN!

"Are you ok? I heard a smack."

"That was my head hitting against the floor."

"Are you alright? Does it hurt?"

"It's fine. I'll have a concussion but I'm sure Amaya can take care of that." Loki was amazed at how calm Tony could seem at all of this. On the floor with Loki on top of him pinning him down, and he seemed to have no problem at all. He was conflicted about how he felt about that.

"Speaking of heads, how is yours? I know Amaya said you should only have a headache."

"I'm fine. It hurts more now due to this, but it'll heal. I've had worse injuries, after so many times of being hurt, pain starts to be recontextualized." Loki only realized when he stopped that he'd said too much. He looked down at Tony expecting to see that look of concern that he hated so much but to his surprise, Tony chuckled when he looked at him. "And what could ever be so funny in this situation Stark?"

"Nothing. I'm just remembering that we've been here before."

"What?" Loki tried to look back but he couldn't remember.

"When I tried to wake you up from one of your nightmares remember? You were about to try to kill me again so I flipped you over and you hit your head. The impact woke you up but we were in a... less than stellar position becasue of it."

Loki suddenly did remember and to both of their surprises, he chuckled a bit at that.

"What was it I said to you after that?"

"You gave me the glare of death like you always did and then not so subtly told me that I could get off you now."

"Yes well, unfortunately I do not have the same freedom as you."

"That's unfortunate cause you kinda have me pinned."

Loki tried to look down at their bodies the best that he could but he couldn't move enough to see behind him, but from the feeling of where their limbs were in relation to each other, Loki could confirm that yes, he really did have Stark pinned in place on the floor.

He remebered the time Tony was talking about now that he reminded him of it. He remebered the feeling of anger, caution, barely holding back his need to attack, and a constant fog over his mind telling him that he wasn't safe. Now he just felt a bit embarrased and mostly calm. That had been months ago. That may have felt longer to Tony, but Loki wasn't sure how so much was able to change in such a short period of time.

He wasn't sure how he felt about that change, he shouldn't be able to be this different that he was now laying on top of the same human with no problem so quickly. Maybe he should take a step back. He should be more scared, he couldn't let all of these new feelings make him complacent.

Suddenly he felt all of the fear, all of the panic, the defensiveness and the need to defend himself return to him in full force as the door to the room slowly started to open. He picked his head up as much as he could, his heart rate started to increase and he looked around for anything he could use as a weapon. What was going on? How had he allowed himself to become so unaware?

"Hey guys sorry I didn't want to bother you i'ts just I heard a crash and I-"

Amaya immediately stopped talking as her eyes fell on what must have been a very confusing scene in front of her. Loki didn't know what to say. He couldn't be more embarrased if he tried. Luckily for him Tony took the lead.

"Ok I know I've said this before but this time I mean it. This is not what it looks like."

"Stark!"

"What! It's not!"

"What's going on?"

"We tried walking."

"Do you have the energy for that?"

"I didn't have a bad dream last night. It was an attempt to see."

Amaya kept looking between the two of them more and more confused as if that situation didn't add up. Loki didn't understand, yes the situation was definitely not one she could've expected but with explanations in place it wasn't that weird. Still, Amaya was giving him the strangest look, almost as if she was seeing something but she wasn't sure if it was what she thought it was.

"If you could help us up that would be great. He's crushing me and I'm also pretty sure I have a concussion."

With that said Amaya suddenly remembered where she was and sprang into action. His body tensed slightly when Amaya reached out to grab him but he forced himself to calm down. He might not know if he could trust Amaya but he could be fairly sure she wasn't going to hurt him.

"Sorry about the sudden entry. I wasn't sure if I should come check on you guys but I figured worst case scenario, I could just sneak back out again if you guys weren't in trouble."

"Well it's lucky you did. Loki doesn't know his left and right."

"Why wouldn't you tell me if you didn't mean my right!"

Loki cut himself off when he saw Amaya giving him that same strange look again. He put his guard back up firmly in place immediately. His eyes narrowed at her suspiciously.

"What are you doing? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Amaya suddenly snapped out of it with a look of embarrasment at being caught so obviously.

"Nothing! Tony let's get your head checked out."

Amaya immediately went to treat Tony's injuries and Loki wanted to fight more and ask some more questions, a lot more questions but that would have to wait. Loki had a feeling that was a conversation he should probably have with Amaya in private.

"You're all patched up. Your head might hurt for a little while but you won't suffer any mental effects. You should probably stay awake for another hour just to be safe but you should be fine. If you start to feel bad let me know."

"Thanks Amaya."

"Yup!" Tony or Loki might've said more but as soon as the word left her lips Amaya turned around and ran from the room. Loki could feel his calmness return to his body the second she was gone. Both boys looked after her in confusion.

"What was that all about?"

"She's hiding something."

Tony looked confused at the absolutness in Tony's voice.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Becasue Amaya is a terrible liar when she's hiding something."

"Well, to be fair, you haven't been the best at it either today." Loki's eyes snapped back to tony in surprise, already half ready to yell at him but Tony just looked completely calm, still not a shred of judgement on his face. "You really want to convince me that you had a dream and suddenly don't remember it? Come on."

Loki looked down at the floor, embarrased at being called out so casually. It wasn't a good lie, he knew it when he told it but he hadn't expected Tony to bring it back up.

"I was under the impression that forgetting your dreams is not a rare dillema."

"It's not. I don't know if it's a you thing or a Jotun thing, but you never forget your dreams. You always remember them, whether they're terrifying of if you didn't dream at all. Did you really think you could convince me that you just forgot yours?"

"No I just didn't expect you to bring it back up again."

"Well if you don't want me to bring it up, you could start with the truth."

The truth? Just tell Stark he didn't want to discuss it and he would leave it alone? It sounded too good to be true.

"I don't want to talk about it Stark."

"Ok."

Tony leaned back on his palms, satisfied expression on his face, not saying another word. Loki sat and waited staring at him eyes narrowed skeptically but he never triedto add another word to his statement.

"Ok? That's it? You don't have questions?"

"Oh, a million of them, but you said you don't want to talk about it. You were open and honest about that and I will respect your wishes."

"All I have to do is tell you I don't wish to talk about something and you won't ask? why couldn't I do this with my nightmares?"

"Because your nightmares were starting to deteriorate your mental state to a point of no repair. If you didn't talk about them, you were going to go insane. I couldn't exactly let you not talk about that just becasue you didn't want to, but it doesn't seem like you have any adverse effects from just dreaming. You keep zoning out today but from what I can tell you don't exactly go somewhere bad when you do so..."

"So I can keep those to myself."

"Exactly. You don't have to talk about them if you don't wish. Sound fair?" Loki nodded and Tony smiled. "Great. Now the day is still young. You wanna try walking again?"

"Maybe another time Stark. Our little adventure from vertical to horizontal has left me exhausted."

"Well now at least we know. You can take about one step after a night with good sleep. The more you sleep, the more you'll be able to walk. Get some more rest. If you had a good rest when you wake up we'll try practicing again and your legs will slowly start to get stronger again and soon you'll be able to walk again."

Loki nodded taking all of that information in. He'd be able to walk again. He wouldn't be tied to this room, he wouldn't be tied to... to Tony anymore. Why did that make him... was he sad?

"Loki? Loki does that sound alright?"

"Huh?"

Loki came back to himself again with a startle. He looked at Tony sitting there patiently waiting for an answer. Did that sound alright to him? To let Stark go?

It was ok. It was ok that he wasn't going to be with Tony anymore. After all once this whole wedding was done he would return to Jotunheim and Tony would return to Earth. There was no reason to be sad about it, it was for the best and he couldn't exactly go back to Jotunheim acting like this, he would get himself killed. Maybe it was fine he was being cut off from Tony but maybe...

Could he be so selfish as to allow himself to really... be ok right now while he was here? Could he stop being scared? Could he not keep his guard up? Was it ok for him to not want to fight all the time, was that really so bad that just this once, just for a little while, he wanted to be happy? No, that was too much. What a silly question, it was so selfish.

But then he looked at Tony's face again and he could feel all the fear start to drain away from his body. Maybe right here it was ok for him to be selfish, just a little bit. Just this once.

"Does that sound alright Loki?"

"Yes, that sounds fine." Tony smiled and picked up his tablet to work on something.

"St- Tony?"

Tony looked up at the sudden sound of his name.

"Yeah Loki what's up?"

"Thank you."

He smiled. He had no idea what he'd really just done, but he smiled nonetheless.

"No problem." And with that, he returned to his tablet and Loki went back to sleep.

"You need to be better." "You need to be stronger." "You need to be wiser." "You need to be kinder." "If it was your brother" "If it was your brother" "If it was your brother" "If it was your brother"

The citizens all pushed in on him, piling complaint after complaint about all the things he was doing wrong as their king. Everywhere he turned he saw an angry face and every few seconds he could hear someone bring up his brother and how if he were here, he would do better.

The crown on his head felt too heavy, it was hurting his skull and he wanted to take it off but the people kept pushing it down further on his head, saying he deserved the pain, he closed his eyes against it and he didn't have to see their faces but nothing he could do, nothing, would ever block out their voices.

"You shouldn't have let him die." "You shouldn't have let go." "You shouldn't have dropped him." "You shouldn't have been weak." "It's your fault he's gone." "It's your fault he's gone." "It's your fault he's gone." "It's your fault he's gone."

They were right, they were always right. It hurt so much he just wanted it to stop but he deserved it. He deserved the pain, and the criticism, all of it, because if he had been better, his brother wouldn't be gone. He deserved everything he got.

"Stop, get away from him. Can't you see he's had enough? He didn't do the things that you're blaming him for. He didn't do anything wrong." Loki looked up to see the crowd retreating at the sight of Tony standing in front of him driving them away. "He's tired and in pain can't you see that? He doesn't deserve all the blame you're pushing onto him. Leave him alone."

Suddenly, as if they were all made of smoke, the citizens all vanished and Loki was alone sitting on the throne with only Tony in front of him. He turned around.

"See, isn't that better? No shame and guilt clouding your head. Makes you feel more cam doesn't it. They messed up your crown." Loki flinched away when the dream Tony reached out to take a hold of his crown but he just straightend it slightly and suddenly it felt so much lighter. It didn't hurt, it just felt like a normal crown should. "There we go. You look much better that way. You look calm."

He held out a hand for him and Loki took it, almost screaming from how little hesitance he showed as he got up and grabbed Tony into a tight hug that he returned.

"My hero."

He heard Tony chuckle as he sat there holding him for the rest of the dream and no one hurt him. He didn't ever want to wake up.

Chapter Text

Amaya paced in front of the door for an embarrassing amount of time going over the points of her argument before she even tried to knock on the door. Pepper always made her feel like a child. Logistically that made no sense, Amaya had lived more human lifetimes than Pepper had actual years of life, but Pepper still seemed older, more mature, more efficient. Better.

When Amaya first signed the contract guaranteeing Loki's safety for what at the time seemed like the temporary removal of his magic, she thought it was a great deal. Amaya couldn't believe her luck. Loki would be able to bond with Tony, he wouldn't be as dangerous, and at the end of it all, Loki would receive his magic back in the final days before the wedding.

It sounded too good to be true. Loki was extremely dangerous even without his magic, but this was a fact she assumed Pepper simply didn't know. How could she after all, she didn't know Loki. So, Amaya suggested they sign the contract in blood and seal it with magic, a measure Pepper was completely on board with.

With the signatures in place and sealed the contract was final. Pepper wouldn't be able to add anything to it later, no matter what Loki did and both parties would have to abide by it. It was official. Nothing would be able to break it and nothing could change it.

Now Amaya cursed herself for certain details of the contract she didn't question more at the time. Stipulations like how the contract could not be discussed except by the signers of the contract until such time that the contract was either expired or fulfilled, she agreed to that because it meant Pepper couldn't tell the Midgardian monarchy about the contract or Loki's actions, past or current.

The contract was set to expire the second the group touched foot back on Midgard for the wedding. Until then, all measures set to expire were still set in place, but it was there that Amaya made a crucial mistake.

The part she regretted most was not paying attention to how Pepper had worded things. When she first met with Pepper to discuss the details of the contract, she assumed they were playing on a level playing field. As it turned out, Pepper drafted contracts and paperwork often. It was part of her job as Tony's attendant, a job detail Amaya didn't have.

Amaya was older, but Pepper had years of experience in this field. Amaya had none. Apparently, details of a contract only expire if the contract says they do, meaning that even if the contract expires, if a measure of the contract has not yet been fulfilled by the parties responsible, it will be bound, permanently.

'Loki Laufeyson will have his magic returned at a time in which he can prove himself to not be of any danger to Tony Stark. The point in which this stipulation has been met is to be determined by Virginia "Pepper" Potts.' There was no expiration point, and Amaya, being so sure Pepper would add something later to try and get over on them, had eagerly signed it in blood. She couldn't change it even if Pepper did allow her to, which she never would.

She had managed to warn Loki by threatening to do what the contract would do anyway but that wouldn't stop the stipulations from being fulfilled if Loki didn't prove himself to be harmless to Tony. If he didn't, she would never be able to give him his magic back. Amaya thought she was being clever, but she had just played herself and handed herself, Loki, and potentially their entire realm all over to one person.

That was why Pepper scared her. It was why she made her feel so young and small and stupid because they were playing her game on her court and Amaya didn't even know all of the rules to the game. Still, all she could do was keep playing the best she could. So she did, even if her best wasn't all that good.

"Yes, Amaya? Can I help you?"

"Our end of the deal has been met. Loki is no longer a threat to Tony."

Pepper barely reacted. An eyebrow raise of skepticism was the most Amaya received for her surprising news.

"I'm sure you already know this considering you haven't come to me with this sooner but being incapacitated, especially in a state that his magic can easily reverse, does not count as him being harmless to To-"

"He likes him."

That made Pepper stop for just a second. Amaya wished she was a more skilled liar. Having been around Loki all these centuries it was a wonder she didn't pick anything up but she was sure it would be useless to her anyway. Pepper looked like she could sniff out lies.

"Likes him in what capacity?"

"That is yet to be determined."

"And what will determine it?"

"Time. The more time they spend together and the more Tony doesn't hurt him, the more Loki's affections will grow."

"So in other words, it is in my best interest and Tony's best interest to keep Loki on the floor where these positive interactions will most likely continue to happen."

Amaya dug her fingernails into the palms of her hand. It was like dealing with the Jotun high court. They didn't listen to anything except the parts they wanted to hear and they happily used everything they could against the person they were after, regardless of how that person would suffer.

"That wasn't the deal. The deal was, Loki gets his magic back once he no longer poses a threat to Tony, not when it's in your best interest. He's no longer a threat. He should get his magic back."

"And what makes you so sure he doesn't pose a threat, exactly?"

"I just told you Loki likes-"

"And? That doesn't mean he won't hurt him, it just means he'll regret doing it. In case you don't remember from back when he was fully capable, Loki has a hairpin trigger. If Tony should even accidentally say something to upset him, will Loki liking him prevent him from reacting violently?" Amaya didn't have an answer for that.

"Does Loki even understand that he likes Tony? How does that make him feel? I would assume with his history that figuring out he likes someone would make him more likely to self-destruct than progress."

"Do you see him self-destructing?"

"Does he know he likes Tony, yes or no?" Silence.

"Do you know how he'll react if Tony pisses him off?" More silence.

"Then the answer is no, Loki cannot have his magic back. I think we're done here, aren't we?"

Amaya watched enraged as Pepper turned around to go back to her room completely dismissing her as she usually did.

"What if Tony likes Loki back?" Pepper paused midstep, hand halfway to the doorknob to pull it closed behind her. "What if he returns Loki's affections?"

"What problem is that of mine?"

"If Tony likes him and he gets sent back to Jotunheim without his magic, he'll die. What do you think that'll do to Tony?"

"You think I would put Tony's safety in danger over him maybe liking someone?"

"You would literally be separating two people who are forming a bond and sending one of them off to die! You're ok with that?"

"That's assuming they even form a bond, which is already so much of a stretch it's not even worth considering. Tony has had people vying for his attention all his life and he hasn't fallen in love with a single one of them yet."

"He already likes Loki!"

"He likes fixing Loki. That's what he does, he tinkers, he fixes. Once Loki is no longer broken Tony will go off to some different project and fix someone or something else. I've seen it a million times. He's not in love."

"And if he does end up liking him more than that? If he ends up loving him?"

"He doesn't and he won't-"

"But if he does! What if he does? You'd be sending Loki to his death knowing Tony was in love with him! Could you really do that?"

"If it keeps Tony safe, yes." Pepper turned around to walk back into her room.

"You're a monster." Pepper didn't even bat an eye.

"When it comes to Tony, always." She let the door close.

"Dream or nightmare?"

"Dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Tony knew to expect both responses. It had only been a week, Loki only had two more nights of dreams since the first but Tony was quickly learning to expect certain things when he did.

His actual nightmares were almost exclusively about Blyster and conversations about them almost always included an 'it was my fault' in some form from Loki somewhere. Tony couldn't even imagine how hard it must've been to live with that kind of survivor's guilt.

He could only imagine how much better off Loki would be if he knew that wasn't true, but convincing him of such a thing wasn't something Tony was sure he was actually able to do, and he had already come to the conclusion that for right now, fixing the symptoms was more important than fixing the cause. They would have a lifetime to work on the cause later.

Tony had a strong suspicion Loki's dreams all started off as nightmares but after a while, sometime in the middle of it, Loki would just... relax, and everything would be ok. That, Tony was pretty sure, was when the dream took over.

Loki never talked about them. Every time Tony asked if Loki wanted to discuss it, the answer was always firmly no. That was his right, Loki had to spill his guts on so many topics he supposed it made sense he would keep this one to himself.

It drove Tony mad with scientific curiosity and made him want to ask so many questions (what brought them on? What happens in them? Why doesn't Loki want to talk about them? What is the factor that changes it from a dream to a nightmare?) but asking any of that would not be good for him and Loki's... relationship? friendship? He wasn't even sure what they were actually, but whatever it was it was stable and he didn't want to ruin it, so he forced them all down and contented himself with the fact that whatever they were doing, it was working.

The other thing Tony noticed most was that every time he had a dream Loki acted... weird. He zoned out a lot and he avoided looking at Tony more which was strange since Loki never had a problem looking him in the eye before. He also had the strangest reaction when Tony tried to touch him. Then again that was probably just him resisting the urge to pull away and Tony couldn't really fault him on that.

He knew touch still wasn't Loki's strong suit. When he had a nightmare Tony still wasn't allowed to touch him. He would flinch away and look around like he was in danger almost immediately, but after a dream, he managed to allow it. Tony was grateful for that, he was not trying to see how Loki would react if Tony did touch him and he panicked.

There were other good things about Loki's dreams too. Whenever he woke up from one he seemed less angry and a bit less afraid. Occasionally he would still tense up and look around as if he forgot to be scared, but once he realized there was no attacker, he slowly started to calm down, at least a little. It wasn't perfect but it was better than Tony had ever seen.

Loki looked like that now, actually, eyes far away and a contented version of his usually impassive face. Tony knew he should break him from the trance and get them both back to work but Tony actually kind of liked looking at Loki this way. The stress was slightly more melted off his face and he sat there so calmly. His eyes were half-lidded and his breathing calmed. He looked so peaceful.

Tony wished he could always see him this way. Still, they had things to do and as much as he loved seeing Loki's calm face in here, he wanted Loki to learn how to be like that everywhere. If Loki would allow him to, that was.

"Loki? Loki, come on. You gotta come back"

It took a few more calls like this before Loki slowly started to focus back in on the other person sitting in the room with him. As soon as he was aware of his surroundings again he immediately tensed and looked around, a routine that was becoming very familiar, but as soon as he saw it was quiet and peaceful he relaxed against the wall. Tony smiled.

"Hey, sleepyhead. Ready to get to work today?"

Loki sighed.

"I do not want to be called that."

"You never let me give you any fun nicknames."

"Is there a problem with my given name Stark?"

"Tell you what, you start calling me Tony, I'll call you whatever you want Lokes."

Loki scowled and rolled his eyes at the stupid names.

"What fun do you have for us to do today?"

"More walking practice."

"Goody."

Loki said it sarcastically enough but they both had to admit, they were impressed by the progress he was making.

"That's what I like to hear. Do you think you can stand on your own?"

Loki gave Tony a critical look. "Do you?"

The honest answer to that was, Tony wasn't sure. Three hours of sleep a night on average for months with nothing but coffee to aid him wasn't exactly a new experience for Tony. Still, he'd never gone for months this way.

Tony still only slept briefly when Loki was asleep and made sure he was up first, so the more sleep Loki got the more sleep Tony could afford to get, but his latest fun research topic also cut into his sleep time now. He had thought he'd reached his limit many times at this point but he still managed to keep going. He wouldn't let this be the exception. Not after last time.

"I don't know what you're talking about I feel great."

"You look exhausted."

"I'm fine. Do you want to try taking a step on your own today?"

Tony half expected Loki to argue his skipping over their previous topic so blatantly but Loki didn't comment on it besides giving Tony a suspicious look.

"If I try to walk on my own I will only fall and land on my face."

"You have to do it eventually."

"Yes, eventually, when I can do so without fear of possible harm."

"You know I'll catch you if you start to fall, right?"

There it was again. One moment Loki was looking dead at him with no trouble, the next he was looking anywhere else, currently the floor, and hiding his face in his hair. What was going on with that? Tony didn't understand it.

"Yes well, I suppose you would if I did but I still would rather not try such a thing at this time."

"Ok, regular steps then."

Tony got off the floor denying his limbs' desire to sway and sag as he did. He leaned down like he normally did and reached his hands out to Loki. He knew Loki would let him if he went to grab for his hands but it was still the nice thing to do to let Loki make the move to allow himself to be touched.

Loki reached his hand up and skipped Tony's hands entirely. Tony had to hold his breath in shock when Loki's fingers slowly found his face and touched all the signs of Tony's exhaustion. The bags under his eyes, the way his face almost seemed to droop, a wrinkle that was starting to form.

Tony was surprised by how careful Loki's hands were when he touched him. He was surprisingly gentle. He had always imagined Loki's hands as dangerous weapons, able to kill anything that crossed his path quickly and with precision. He didn't consider that they could be so nice, a bit cool to the touch but Tony didn't mind that. Actually, he quite liked it. If it wouldn't scare Loki off, Tony would probably lean into the touch. 

Loki slid his hands from Tony's face and took his hands, waking Tony from his trance. He was the one to zone out this time. When did that start happening?

"We're going to start with right ok? My right." Tony pulled Loki to his feet and gave him a second to adjust. "Ready?"

"Yes. Let's begin."

Tony moved slowly as Loki started to step forward. He really was amazing. For not using his muscles so long they shouldn't even be able to function properly. Loki really shouldn't be able to stand on them at all but Tony didn't mention that, Loki was already angry enough at his current state as it was.

Maybe it was the Jotun physiology that helped him heal so quickly but water it was, it was incredible. Tony was grateful. Loki didn't make it far from the wall before he had to return back again.

"Do you want to try again?"

Loki nodded. "We'll do it again in a moment."

Tony wanted to say that Loki could take more than a minute if he needed it but his words would not be appreciated, he already knew that. Loki already had a determined look on his face. That was another thing Tony admired.

By all accounts the situation should look pointless, but Loki just kept pushing anyways. That was the thing, as amazing as Loki was, Tony was more impressed with the fact that he was still willing to do them. If the roles were reversed and he was the one sitting on the wall he wasn't sure he would still have this much hope that he even could get better but for Loki, it wasn't an option.

He would get better. End of discussion. That was a level of determination Tony had to respect.

"Let's go. I want to try again."

Tony eased Loki up a second time and they started again. Loki somehow managed to even make it a little bit farther this time, but still, much sooner than he would like, he was forced to have Tony return him back to the wall where he started. He stared at the other side of the room with a scowl as if it were his enemy.

"What's wrong?"

"You already know what's wrong Stark."

"Humor me. Tell me anyways."

Tony sat back patiently waiting for Loki to respond. It was possible that Loki would completely ignore him, but he knew better than to push.If he sat back and waited long enough, Loki would usually answer him.

"I don't like that my body is so weak. I should be able to take some simple steps."

"You are taking steps, that's what's so amazing. You're progressing. You won't be here anymore soon. You'll be able to walk around as freely as you used to and you won't have to worry about being trapped here anymore. You're doing good."

Tony had said the same thing to Loki in different ways every time they did this, but he didn't really mind. With the way his body currently felt, he couldn't blame Loki for how he felt about his own. It was annoying having to be trapped by your own limbs refusing to do what they were supposed to, but it was the state Loki was in. If he didn't get any sleep soon, it would be Tony's state too.

"I want to go again."

They continued this cycle for the rest of the day, walking and resting over and over again. By the end Loki was exhausted and Tony was trying to hide it as best as he could, but honestly, he felt absolutely horrible himself.

"How much have you slept?"

"I've been getting plenty of sleep. Now about tomorrow-"

"How much sleep, specifically Stark?"

Loki's tone left no room for argument. Tony immediately wanted to challenge the demandingness in his voice but there was no point. It would just lead to a giant fight and Tony didn't want that, so he resigned with the truth.

"Two hours a night, maybe three." He immediately felt bad at the look Loki gave him. "It's getting better. It's better than it was at least."

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I only sleep when you sleep so it doesn't exactly leave a lot of time."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"No, I mean why do you still do it?" Tony wasn't sure if he missed something but he must've looked confused. "In the past, you used to wake me because my nightmares came with some... unfortunate consequences in my waking hours that made it less than ideal for me to be alone when I woke from them. That is likely no longer the case."

"You don't know that."

"And you don't either which means you might be depriving yourself of sleep for nothing." Tony could see the logic in Loki's point but he couldn't just stop worrying just like that. He didn't work that way.

"Let's say you wake up from a horrible nightmare while I'm still asleep. What then?"

"I will wake you."

"You've told me that before." Tony tried to make his words sound as neutral as he could but he still had the images fresh in his mind.

"I don't want to see what will happen to you if you don't wake me. You were doing so well before, you were starting to progress. I let myself sleep one time and... look the pros just don't outweigh the cons in the end. I'll sleep once you're out of here. I'll be fine until then."

"It could be months before I leave here."

"I'll. Be. Fine." He knew he was starting to sound annoyed. He was getting tired of having to say the same lies over and over again but Loki didn't seem to care about how annoyed he was.

"And once we've left? What about then?"

"What are you talking about? What about then?"

"Will you stay awake every night waiting to make sure I don't have a nightmare?"

"No, we just have to stop the nightmares now and you'll-"

"I will never stop having nightmares Stark." That made Tony stop. "There will never be a day where they will be forever gone. They will stop exhausting me so much, I'll be able to function despite them, but the things that have happened to me, the things I have seen and done, I cannot just forget them forever and pretend they didn't happen. As time goes on I'll have less and less of them but they will never go completely. Will you stay up every night of your life making sure I am ok?"

Tony didn't want to consider that, had been avoiding considering that for a while now. It was true, everyone got nightmares and Loki had seen enough to fuel his for several lifetimes, even a Jotun's. As much as he wanted to make sure Loki was ok, he couldn't protect him like this forever.

"What would you suggest I do then?"

"Go to sleep. If I have a nightmare I will wake you and we will talk about it."

"You're not going to want to do that."

"Then I will have to learn because if I don't, I risk destroying myself. As much as you don't want that, I don't want it either. Get some rest Stark. I will be here in the morning."

Tony looked hesitant, he really didn't want to, but Loki was right. He needed to sleep and even if Loki did have a nightmare, he couldn't spend his whole life staying up to protect Loki from his dreams. He nodded.

"I have to do a bit more work before I turn in, but after I'm done I will sleep."

"Do you promise me?"

Tony stumbled over the simple response words at the look in Loki's eye. He was serious. If he betrayed his words, Tony was sure there would be consequences, but there was something else there too in Loki's eyes. A small glimmer, a little piece of him that implored him to please not betray him, to be honest.

"I promise. I'll sleep tonight."

Loki still didn't look entirely sure. He was hesitant but he slowly let his eyes close as his body relaxed against the wall. Tony picked up his tablet with a sigh, covering his exhaustion with more coffee,  and got to work. Tony barely turned at the soft creak of the door when Amaya walked in with his usual supplies. He said a quick thank you but she was staring at Loki, mind already deep in thought.

"You can ask how he's doing you know. I'll tell you."

"For the longest time I was scared to ask. It didn't seem like he would get better but thanks to you he is. How is his recovery going?" 

"He's doing well, he's going to start walking on his own soon. Give it another month, he'll be back on his feet roaming around in no time as long as he keeps having dreams instead of nightmares."

"Dreams?"

"Yeah he's having good dreams now." Amaya gave Loki another curious look but Tony didn't ask. He just assumed it was another one of those not-since-Blyster-and-her things.

"I'm happy you're the one his parents decided to wed him to. I thought you two were going to kill each other at first."

"Preaching to the choir on that one."

"But you've helped him to better himself in ways we could've never known to expect."

"Yeah well talking about his dreams out loud has helped. It's good for him. I'm just happy he's still going along with it."

"Talking to Loki isn't helping to heal him, you are." Tony looked at Amaya skeptically but she just kept going.

"Sitting here, listening to him, not judging him, not hurting him. Loki didn't know he could still get such things from other people. Talking about his dreams allowed him to start talking to you and even trusting you just a bit, but you staying and caring for him, that's what's making him better. It's because you showed him it's ok to do so. That is the most special thing anyone had ever done for Loki in his entire life."

Amaya stood and left. Tony stared off in silence, he didn't know what to say but before he could figure it out, a yawn broke out reminding him of his pending exhaustion, and his promise. He wasn't finished with his work. He wanted to get a bit more research done. He could just stay up and do it. No one was forcing him to go to sleep, if he really didn't want to he didn't have to.

One long look at Loki sitting against the wall already asleep was all it took for his resolve to crumble into dirt. Tony sighed. There would be time tomorrow, he would make up for the lost time. He put his tablet away and laid down on the hard floor. As tired as he was it felt as soft as a bed and moments later he drifted off to sleep.

"They are not in Vanaheim!"

"The realms are big you must give me more time to search!"

"Your search has yielded nothing!"

"Hold your tongue little girl!"

"We are running out of time!" Malphite paced back and forth between his two coconspirators annoyed by their constant bickering and quickly losing patience. "For every second we stand here and argue the wedding looms closer and king Laufey grows closer and closer to pulling Loki from his hideout forever! We are missing our chance, we must act now!"

"We cannot act if we don't know what we're doing!" Ubica sounded like a brat when she complained but she had a point. They needed to solve it.

"You have searched Vanaheim thoroughly yes?"

"Yes but there is still a chance that I-"

"Then we will return to it if we must but we do not have time to comb over every blade of grass. We must move on to another place if we hope to succeed. Search Alfheim. It is possible we simply started with the wrong realm. Try that one."

"And if you are wrong and they were really on Vanaheim this entire time?"

"Then we will suffer those consequences if they come. Search Alfheim, and search it thoroughly but quickly. We will find him and when we do, we will end him. Go."

Chapter Text

Tony's eyes slowly opened the next morning. He didn't know quite why but that had to be some of the best sleep he'd ever had last night. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept that well and he was still laying on the floor. He sat up from the floor and stretched out with a bone-cracking yawn because it just felt so good. He slowly opened his eyes only to see Loki looking at him, amused.

"Well, that was entertaining."

"I-" Loki was awake. Why was Loki awake? The tiredness flooded away from Tony in an instant as panic started to set in. Something in the very back of his mind was telling him not to panic but that was a bit harder to do when he was already panicking.

"Why are you up!"

"Would you prefer I didn't wake up?" Why did that sound so grim! Why was he joking right now this could be serious! Tony fought off the last of the paranoia as he tried to think and understand something he knew he already knew. It was just hard to think past the alarm bells.

"You woke up! You were supposed to wake me up if you had a nightmare!"

"Yes, if I had another nightmare."

"You didn't have a nightmare?"

"It would appear not."

"You had another dream."

"Yes. I did."

Tony sat back and let his body melt into the floor. A silly grin spread across his face as a level of relief that flooded his senses. That had been terrifying. He was finally getting better, if something had happened to him now... Tony dismissed the thought immediately. He was fine, there was nothing to worry about. Loki was ok.

A slow smile started to spread over his face. Seeing Loki ok... he didn't understand why it made him feel so good. He'd seen people recover from things before and he wasn't evil, seeing them get better made him happy but with Loki it was...

But then again he was a part of the recovery this time. Maybe that was why he couldn't quite think straight when he couldn't check on him or why he felt like he was on cloud nine when he was ok or when he wanted to throw a party when he made progress or why he would do anything to make sure he kept getting better. Maybe that was why.

It wasn't. No, this went deeper than that and Tony knew it but he didn't have time to figure it out. After all, he had to take care of Loki's emotions. It was the perfect excuse for ignoring his own.

"You've been having a lot of dreams lately. Maybe you are cured for good."

"I doubt it. As I said yesterday they will never truly be gone. Still, I would be lying if I said the break from their torture was unappreciated."

"Now I know you're feeling better. All your posh speak is coming back."

"Did they not instruct you on how to speak correctly on Midgard?"

"Are all those long sentences compensating for something?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Tony chucked, ignoring the part of him that wanted to say yes.

"So, what do you want to do today?"

"Are you not going to suggest more walking practice Stark?"

"Usually I would but I figured with everything you've done, you deserve a break."

Loki looked momentarily astonished by Tony's words but he quickly recovered and put his mask back on and shook his head.

"Thank you Stark but no. There will be plenty of time to rest later, I want to be out of this room. I miss moving around freely."

Tony shrugged and moved to get off the floor to walk over to Loki.

"Fair enough. Ok, Bambi let's get start-"

"If you don't mind, I would also like to try something else for today Stark."

Tony stared in surprise. "And what exactly would this be?"

"I want to stand on my own."

"Is it safe for you to do that?"

"I'm not entirely sure but I want to try. If I should get exhausted, I will sit back down and if I somehow am injured I will call Amaya."

"Ok yeah but... Why?"

Loki gave him an odd look. Tony couldn't fault him, it was a stupid question. Tony knew why Loki wanted that he just... He didn't know. Emotions were difficult, he wasn't trying to look further into them.

"You have done much for me over these months. Thank you for that. Much as I hate to think it, I would've never made it this far on my own. However, while I thank you for helping me, it is mentally exhausting having to rely on you for everything Stark. I need my independence, I crave it.

"Oh. Yeah, no, that makes sense!"

Loki wanted his independence. He was progressing, he'd be walking soon. Tony was happy. All of this was the goal after all, for Loki to walk and heal and be better and be independent, that was the goal and it wasn't any of that that hurt it was just...

Tony never allowed himself to consider what would happen when they left this room. When they first started this he didn't think about it because he didn't care. He couldn't leave him like that in the state he'd been in but other than helping him get better, anything that happened after that wasn't Tony's concern.

That wasn't the case anymore. He cared. A lot. More than he would ever look into or admit to. He was fine with Loki progressing, he was still proud of him for trying to succeed and he would still be extremely proud of him when he walked it's just... He didn't consider if walking would mean Loki would walk away from him and never come back.

That was fine. That wasn't his problem. He didn't care. Why did it hurt?

"Is everything alright Stark?"

"Huh? Peachy keen! So do you want me to act as a brace or-"

"The wall should be sufficient Stark, I can take it from here."

"I should probably act as a guide just in case-"

"No, I should be fine without one Stark. You don't need to do anything."

"Oh."

Loki gave him a look for half a second at his reaction but didn't comment on his behavior. It took a lot more focus and self-control than Tony even knew he had to stay sitting on the floor as Loki turned to the wall behind him and prepared himself for the task he'd set out for himself.

He couldn't see his face from here. He didn't know if he was mad, excited, worried, in pain, or what. He dug his nails into his palms behind him and sat, refusing to get up, and waiting.

He didn't know how he felt about all of this. He didn't know why it hurt to watch Loki leave him like this, but one thing was for, Loki was right. It was time he reclaimed some of his independence and if this was how he wanted to do that, Tony would respect it even if he desperately wanted not to.

Those thoughts immediately left his mind when Loki put his hands against the wall and with a deep breath, started to slowly pull himself up.

"You know I could-"

"Shush Stark!"

Tony closed his mouth and sat on his hands, trying with everything in him to remain on the floor while Loki fought to get off it. He looked like he was struggling. He made a pained grunt as he slowly started to rise more and more. It didn't look like he was going to be able to do it, it was obviously already so hard, but he just kept going, slowly getting closer and closer until-

He turned, face slightly flushed as he stood in front of Tony at his full height and Tony felt many things at that moment, some of which he would choose to ignore, but no matter what else he felt, the biggest emotion of the bunch was definitely proud.

A large grin started to spread out on his face, one that was only matched by Loki's as he looked out in the room in wonder, the same way he did when Tony first lifted him, as if a whole new world had just been opened to him. He was sure Loki was far more exhausted than he looked from that, but he wouldn't question it. He was too happy to do so.

"That was amazing Lokes!"

Loki turned away a bit, a small smile spreading over his face. "I just got up on my own. It is not a large feat Stark, you do it every day."

"I'm not physically injured Lo and if I was, I wouldn't be able to get up that fast. It's ok to celebrate your accomplishments, large or small. I'm proud of you."

Loki turned his head immediately, trying to cover his face with his hair but it wasn't fast enough. Tony squinted staring in disbelief. Was Loki... was he blushing? Tony smiled and filed the image away. That may have been one of the most adorable things he'd ever seen. Of course, he knew better than to say that out loud.

Tony quickly started to lift himself off the ground. He was proud of himself for staying seated so long but now, he could finally help.

"Ok now that you're off and running let's get you to-"

Tony paused halfway to what he was about to say. He slowly sat back down ignoring the disappointment in his heart as he stared wide-eyed at Loki. Slowly, holding onto the wall for support, Loki raised one shaky leg and carefully put it in front of him, and then another, and then another.

It was taking a lot of effort. It clearly was a lot more difficult than just having Tony guide him, getting up had already been a challenge. That, however, was the point. There was an argument Tony could make about moving too fast and not getting hurt but that was just an excuse. Loki needed this. He needed to do this for himself. Even if it hurt, Tony would force himself to give him this much.  

Tony wasn't sure what to do. Normally he was the one Loki was holding onto while he guided him across the floor but it seemed that was no longer necessary. He sat back and watched amazed and impressed. Loki was strong, in so, so many ways.

His legs were shaking harder and harder by the second. He had walked much further than Tony ever would've let him had he been using him as a brace. He didn't stop him. This was the last part of Loki's healing, having the ability to heal himself. 

He could see Loki struggling to turn back around without letting go of the wall and everything in him was screaming for him to run over and help him, but he stood still, nails digging into his palms again, and waited for Loki to either figure out how to do it or ask for help himself. 

Loki tried to turn around without letting go, but it was hard and it was only day one. He looked at him and gave the smallest, most imperceptible nod and that was all Tony needed. He did his best not to rush over as he slowly adjusted Loki's position. As soon as Loki was comfortably against the wall in the opposite direction he pushed Tony away entirely, leaving him once again to do this on his own.

The return trip wasn't nearly as steady. Loki's legs were tired, his entire frame was shaking. He looked like he was about to collapse but still Tony forced himself to stay back where he was.

He was exhausted, Tony could tell. His entire face was flushed dark blue and he was panting openly but he still moved on shaking feet, picking them up one after the other. He got back to his starting place and collapsed. He never hit the ground. Tony caught him and slowly lowered him down gently, proud, impressed, and amazed at what he'd just done.

"I'm surprised you're not sweating."

"No... sweat glands..."

Tony sat down and waited for Loki to finish catching his breath. It was only about fifteen minutes before Loki's breathing returned to normal. He was hiding it Tony was sure, his face was still too flushed and his legs were still shaking but if he was good enough to fake it Tony supposed that was good enough for now.

"Do you want some water?"

"I don't eat or drink what I don't prepare, remember Stark?"

"You don't think this warrants an exception?"

"No."

"So, what brought on this little adventure today?"

"It has been months Stark. It's time for me to start doing some things for myself don't you think?"

Which- no, actually Tony didn't think that but contrary to popular belief, he was able to tell when he was being selfish. The two sat back again, the silence unbroken as Tony allowed Loki's body to calm down all the way.

"I will have to return to Jotunheim soon. Every day we draw closer and closer to the inevitable end of... all of this. I cannot allow myself to indulge in certain comforts anymore Stark."

"Comforts like help?"

"In some forms, yes." Tony opened his mouth to protest but Loki cut him off before he could. "If you're about to say others helping me shouldn't be a luxury save it Stark. Maybe that is true, maybe that truly shouldn't be a luxury for me but whether it should be or not, it is. I cannot allow myself to be upset about that."

"So you're just going to revert back to how you were before all of this?"

"Not immediately no. I will remain like this until I am better and am required to leave for my realm, but after I return there to do my duty, I will go back to the way I was." Loki's expression softened a fraction when he saw the look on Tony's face. "They will not be able to erase everything you've taught me Stark. Some things will remain no matter what they do."

"Still. You deserve better."

"I cannot allow myself to-"

"I don't care it deserves to be said. Loki, you deserve better. Better than their treatment, better than the entire realm. You deserve to laugh and cry and be happy and try and fail and do everything and just... live. You deserve to have an actual life."

"And where exactly would I find such things?"

With me.

Tony stared, mouth opened unable to answer the question as his mind went blank. With him. Loki could be safe with him, he could be happy with him. They could have a good life, they could... They... Oh no...

"There is no place for me to exist that way Stark, not in all the realms. You have given me more than I could ever ask for, but even you have limits Stark. You cannot create a place for me to feel safe.

But he would try. He was willing to try, wasn't that enough? He knew he'd have to leave Loki eventually. They would return to their own realms and outside of a professional setting or to have children they would never see each other again. That thought used to fill him with so much joy but now it just... it just... He didn't have the words to describe it, not even now but for the first time, he understood why the thought was suddenly bringing him so much pain, and understanding it only made it hurt so much more.

"Well, you're still here now. Why not let yourself indulge in it now?"

"Being helped?"

"All the things you see as luxuries that you won't get back in Jotunheim."

"There are many things I cannot do that with. I may have taken a break but my would-be assassins I'm sure have not. I must be ready for any and all attacks and dangers. Part of that is doing things for myself, so unless I need to Stark, I will no longer be relying on you for help for my physical therapy."

That was a harsh blow to the gut. Tony had to hold back a very questionable expression.

"However" Loki continued "there are aspects of being here that will not pose a threat to my immediate safety once I return to Jotunheim. For the remainder of this... vacation, I suppose I shall indulge myself in some things, just a little."

”Really?”

Loki didn’t answer that but Tony didn't care. He was already happy. He tried-and failed-to hide his grin at Loki's words. Tony didn't know what did and didn't count as something he could indulge in but at least he was allowing himself to indulge, at least for a little while.

Loki was already falling asleep against the wall. Tony stayed silent and waited for him to drift off as he stared in awe, wonder, and a deep deep sadness he wished he could drown in alcohol. Loki was going to leave. They were going to continue to be nothing and Tony had no doubts in his mind that once he was gone, Tony was never going to get him back again.

That was ok. It was ok for Loki to return to Jotunheim. It was ok for Tony to bury his feelings and not look at them, even if it hurt. It was ok if he lost him. It was ok. It was going to have to be ok, because either way, he didn't have any choice.

Chapter Text

If Stark looked over at him like that one more time, he was going to break both his legs. Ever since Loki started practicing walking today, he's been watching him like he was worried he was going to fall. It was exhausting, not just because he looked like he wanted to help but because Loki desperately wanted to accept.

All he would have to do is say yes and the second he did, he was sure Tony would come running over and take care of everything. The ease of access to someone caring for him so openly and without any repercussions was strange. For the first time in a long time, he could ask someone for help.

Still, no matter how easy it was he refused to do so. Soon he would once again be in a place with no care, no love, and no help. He would have his parents but even they could not help him and the only love they could show him were small amount in private. His image as strong and unwavering was too important to maintain. He would not allow himself to become complacent.

Despite all of that though it was still incredibly hard not to say yes when Tony was so willing to help him. One word and his pain would be gone and Tony would wrap his arms around his waist like he always did and guide him back over to his original spot, all the while telling him how amazing he was.

The very thought of it made Loki grunt in annoyance at how close yet far away and forever unavailable such affections were for him. Still, he couldn't allow himself to get upset over what he couldn't change. It would only make everything worse.

He was almost there. Tony looked more concerned than ever but he sat quietly and didn't say anything. That’s one thing Loki would always appreciate. Even if he didn’t like it, Tony would respect Loki’s decision. He couldn't blame him really. He had walked almost the entire length of the room. The broken glass and piled furniture was the only thing that finally made him turn back and his legs were shaking with every step.

He was putting as much weight as physically possible onto the wall and he was having to drag himself forward with each step but he was getting closer and he was finally about to make it. He took his last step. He didn't even think about sitting down gently, he just gave in to his exhaustion and allowed his body to drop but he never felt his weight hit the floor.

"I didn't ask you to catch me."

"Did you think I was just going to let you fall?"

"If I fall it's because I was too weak to-"

"Shush. You made it the whole way around the room. That's not weak. Give yourself some credit."

He felt his cheeks burn. He wasn't sure if it was because of the chastisement or the praise. He couldn't keep allowing this to happen. He had wanted to regain his ability to walk primarily becasue he wanted to be prepared when he got back to Jotunheim. A sitting duck is not after all a difficult target, but now there was another even more immediate reason as to why he needed to relearn to walk.

He needed to get away from Stark. He didn't know what to do, he was going crazy. Everything from the way his heart was beating faster, to the way he became unexplainably happy every time Tony said he was proud of him, and the dreams! He didn't know what this was, this sickness, this spell, this... whatever it was! He couldn't and wouldn't allow it to continue. It was foolish, dangerous, and if Loki was being honest with himself, it terrified him.

Tony leaned away as he gently eased him back down on the ground. Loki’s body felt colder than normal the second he was no longer touching him. That was another thing. Loki had never missed someone being in his personal space before. Normally he was fighting to get people out of it, but with Tony, all he wanted was to be wrapped in his arms, forever. It was exhausting.

"If you keep catching me like that I won't learn."

"What are you going to learn by hurting yourself like that?"

"To work harder."

Tony shook his head. "You may have that mentality when you're at home, and I may not be helping you with your physical therapy anymore but I will never let you fall. I'm catching you, simple as that."

Loki had to duck his head under hid hair. Why was he blushing so much! Tony spared another worried glance at his legs and it made Loki want to tuck them under him.

"You're going pretty fast with this. You sure you won't cause more damage?"

"I'll be fine. Jotun musculature is slightly different from that of a human. My body will learn to adjust to the pace while my muscles restrengthen themselves."

"Interesting. That sounds a lot like something I would've loved to learn in Jotun history class."

Loki chuckled. Again with the class. The annoying period where he had to sit and teach Stark about his people and their customs and instead taught about anything but that. It was funny to look back on how things were then and compare them to everything that had happened since. Before that class had seemed like a chore and being around Tony was torture but now...

Well, maybe Jotun history class wouldn't be that bad to continue once they left here. After all, Tony would need to know at least a little bit about their customs for trade agreements and treaties and things like that. That was simply good politics to prepare Tony for that responsibility. Besides he has said he would teach him.

"I suppose once I am out of here I will properly instruct you on Jotunheim's culture and customs."

"Yes! Agreed!" 

Loki chuckled again at the immediate enthusiasm. He would see Tony even after he left this room. He tried to ignore the part of his heart that was happy at that. In the end, whether it be today or tomorrow, he and Stark would leave each other and when they did, Loki would systematically remove all the feelings he once had for the other prince. He had to. But while they were here… Well…

"Does this mean you're finally adjusting to the thought of us working together on the realms?"

"The thought of it isn't the worst thing in the world anymore."

"What was it that finally won you over?"

"Oh, I don't know. I suppose it is those moments when you finally shut up that I love the best." 

"Ha ha ha. You just want to steal more books from my tablet don't you?"

"Yes, that is definitely it."

The two laughed and leaned back, and despite how all of this would end, with him back home and Tony on Earth, Loki still couldn't help but revel in these small little peaceful moments where no harm and no danger existed. he tried to hold onto them like a child, but the moment would eventually slip away. They all did. But for once, while he was here, he would let himself enjoy them when they came.

"Maybe when the weather gets warmer I'll come to visit."

And there it was. A statement so powerfully devastating it left Loki's good peaceful mood utterly gone as his mind became a mine field and all of his senses went in red alert.

"You can never come to Jotunheim." 

Tony hesitated. He looked concerned and defiant but this was something Loki was willing to argue about if need be.

"Loki it was a joke, but I'll have to come sometimes. There'll be treaties to sign and meetings that are better had in person-"

"I will travel to Earth for those. You will not be coming to Jotunheim. Ever."

He should've known by now about putting so much finality in his voice as if that ever worked with Stark. He was afraid of him, it wouldn’t make him stop it would just make him more stubborn but Loki was stubborn too and he was going to make sure on this one, he got his way.

"I thought Jotunheim was safe for humans now."

"It is safer than it was in centuries past for your people."

"Then why can't I go?"

"Because I said so."

"That's not a reason. If that's all you got, that's not stopping me."

Loki grit his teeth trying to keep calm and quickly feeling himself fail as the alarm bells in his head continued to ring. He could feel his blood boiling more and more by the second and it wasn't Tony's fault, but he currently wasn't helping.

"There is no reason for you to come to Jotunheim! I can reach you just as easily as you can reach me!"

"Then we can split the responsibility. It's ok if-"

"You will not be coming to Jotunheim Stark!"

Loki momentarily cursed himself for yelling, as if that was going to do anything but make Tony even more stubborn and sure enough, he was already turning red. When he recovered from Loki cutting him off, he was furious and it was clear he planned to go down swinging.

"You can't tell me where I can't go I'm an adult! If I want to go to Jotunheim I will-"

"And how will you stay there, huh? You would need temperature charms to survive the weather and I'm not putting them on you!"

"I don't know if you forgot about this, but I'm an inventor Loki! I'll build something to help me survive the temperatures it'll only take about a day!"

"Why must you insist on stupidly throwing yourself into places you don't belong!"

"You're not going to tell me where I can't go! If I want to go there I will why are you making such a big deal about it!"

"Sometimes when people tell you something it's for your own good!"

"Then if it’s so good for me you should be able to explain why! So why is it so good for me Loki?”

"Because I-"

He felt like he was going to vomit. Images of Tony in Jotunheim dead, destroyed, or mutilated in some way kept coming to his mind. It made him feel dizzy and extremely violent. If Loki had to see that image in real life it would break him and the Jotun population wouldn’t have to worry about the human monarchy declaring war, because if any of his citizens paid a single finger on Tony, he would demolish the entire realm himself with his bare hands. He couldn't allow them to do that to him. Not again.

"Why don't you want me to come to Jotunheim?"

Loki tried to give Tony his best glare but those looks had long since stopped working on the other prince. He sat patiently waiting for an answer to his question.

"Why do you insist on-"

"Because I want to see you at some point after this!"

"I don't care! I don't want to see you!"

Everything paused for one moment and all Loki felt was terror. He hadn’t meant to say that. He couldn’t take it back but he wished with everything in him he could. Tony's face flashed between hurt and anger so fast Loki could barely keep track of it and with every switch of his face, the pain and regret Loki felt only grew. Loki reached out for him but as soon as he did Tony drew back.

"Tony I didn't mean-"

"Don't." Loki flinched back when Tony slowly started to rise to his feet and turned away from him going for the door.

"Stark? Where are you going?"

"Why does it matter? Thought you didn't want to see me anymore."

And with that, the door closed. He was gone. Just like that, out of his life and Loki suddenly felt like he was panicking. Why did he feel like this? He wasn’t being attacked but he felt like he was. He couldn't breathe right. There was something hurting in his chest and every sense within him could only feel panic. Tony had left him. He was gone.

Good. He was glad he was gone. He was going to have to leave him eventually, it may as well be today. They couldn't exactly stay together. He couldn't keep him, but none of those thoughts made any of it any better.

Tony was gone. He was really gone. Loki kept staring at the door waiting for it to reopen but it never did. He was all alone and it really was all his fault this time. He pulled his knees up and buried his head in them trying to ignore his own sobs as they violently shook him against the wall. He hasn’t cried like this since he was a child but he felt awful. He hasn’t felt this bad in a long, long time and this time, there was no one there to comfort him.

Tony angrily walked up to Amaya's door and banged on it with far more force than was necessary. When she answered it she looked like she was completely ready to yell at him until he saw the grim, dismal look on his face and suddenly her expression changed.

"Hey, is everything alright?"

"Peachy. I need you to watch his royal highness while I run out for a second."

He needed to get out of this house, now. His brain was a swirling mess of anger and pain. Tony wasn't a fool, he knew Loki only said what he said because it was the heat of the moment but that didn't really help right now, especially when the thought of never seeing Loki again hurt so much.

He still didn't know for sure if that was really how Loki felt. Maybe he really didn't want to see him ever again after this was done and if that were true, if that was really how he felt, Tony would respect it. He would stay away. He wondered how alcohol helped with a broken heart. 

"Where are you going we're in the middle of nowhere."

"Somewhere close. I won't be long. Can you watch him?"

"Yeah I suppose but..."

"But what? What's the problem?" He hadn't meant to snap at her. He tried to soften his expression when he saw Amaya flinch but he knew it was of little comfort.

"You don't think he'll be... upset when I walk in and he sees me?" Tony's expression softened further as he sighed.

"If it makes you feel any better, he wouldn't exactly be all that happy to see me either right now."

"Why not? What happened?"

"I'll tell you later. Right now I gotta go work off this anger. I understand you two aren't in the best place right now. If you can't I can try to get Pepper to do it-"

"No! No I'll go watch him."

Tony knew he should question how fast she reacted but he no longer had the mental energy to care. He started to walk off. He had a lot to deal with before he could go back into that room again.

"Tony?" He barely looked back at where Amaya was still standing in the door. "If it makes up for anything, he really is sorry."

Tony suddenly walked even faster. He was not crying in this house. He quickly stopped in the living room and grabbed the helper robots he hadn't touched since they got there out of his bag and left.

There wasn't much he could really invent out here. All of the projects he'd been preparing on his tablet would have to wait until he was back in his lab but with a little creativity, he could probably reconstruct his helper robots into tools to make one project he'd idly started working on about a week or two ago. He began taking the small bots apart as the gears in his head turned.

Loki didn't pick his head up from his knees. He refused to. His mind had been a swirling mess of emotions ever since he got here. Some of those emotions were easy to understand, some were hard, but none of them had ever been quite like this.

It was all... familiar. Pain, anger, regret, hurt, all of those things Loki'd had a lifetime of. That didn't make them easier to talk about but at least they were familiar. At least he knew what to do with them. This new feeling, this new type of pain that was erupting from him, this Loki couldn't handle.

The door to his room opened and he slowly picked his head up hoping to see Tony, but it was only Amaya walking through the door. He must've looked a mess. He was bunched up in a ball with his face in his knees like a petulant child. His eyes were still puffy from crying, when the last time Amaya saw him cry was he had no idea, and his lips were likely swollen from biting them so hard to keep the sound in.

Amaya stopped the second she saw him. He tried to glare at her but all it did was turn her face from shock to complete sorrow as she quickly rushed over to him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to fight or tell her to get away from him when she got close. She betrayed him, she threatened his magic and she was lying about something. All of that alone should've made him try to flee the second she got close. But he didn't. He didn’t want to fight. He hated fighting. 

Amaya sat against the wall and eased him down until his head was in her lap. She ran her hand soothingly through his hair, the way she'd done many times before back when they were both younger, different, people and to his absolute mortification the second she did a fresh wave of silent tears appeared in his eyes.

"Where's Tony?"

"He went out."

"Where?"

"He didn't say."

Loki tried to take a deep breath and more or less failed at that. Tony would be back. All his stuff was here and there was nothing around for many miles, even if he wanted to leave he really couldn't. He sent Amaya to stay with him, she wouldn’t have come here otherwise with how mad Loki was with her.

In a different time Loki would've tried to calm himself by saying he didn't care about Stark. At one point he would've said he didn't care if he came back or not at all, and at one point that would've been true. But now the very thought of something bad happening to Tony while he was out was almost enough to send him into a panic attack. What was this?

"Why do I care so much?"

"About what?"

"About him."

Amaya's fingers paused where they were working through his hair. She tried to speak, to say something that wouldn't anger or frighten him, but there was no such combination of words she could find right now. She started and stopped speaking five times, all trying to explain the same point and Loki couldn't take it anymore. He just had to know.

"Am I in love with him?"

"Loki I don't think-"

"Don't baby me Amaya. Answer the question. Am I in love with Stark yes or no?"

There was only a slight moment of hesitation before she finally answered him.

"You already know the answer to that."

In that moment, Loki wanted nothing more than to crawl into a ball and die, becasue he'd never selfishly wanted or craved something so much as he wanted that to be ok and he knew it never would be. He had spent years denying himself things that he wanted and needed physically and emotionally. It felt natural to just force his feelings to the back of his mind but for one greedy moment, he couldn't help but want it and for some reason as much as he tried the feeling refused to be dismissed.

It had never hurt quite so acutely that he couldn't have basic things that he used to take for granted when he lived a normal life, like the ability to love another person without fear. He was in love. He was in love with Tony Stark, the man he was ironically going to marry and at this moment right now, it couldn't have mattered any less.

Amaya started combing gently through his hair again and he genuinely wished he could talk to her about it right now. He used to tell her everything back before they came here. He wished he could scream and wail about all his problems and have her fix them or at least give him a hug, but it was just another item on the infinite list of things he couldn't have and he would not allow his sorrow to turn him into a fool, or at least more of one. He couldn't trust Amaya. He would not forget that.

It was hours before Tony returned to the room. Amaya sat with him the whole time, not speaking and running her hands through his hair. He felt like a wreck. The confirmation of his new feelings for Tony did not help to clear the storm in his mind, it only helped him put a name to it.

He looked much less angry and much more tired and he was holding something in his hand but Loki couldn't focus on any of that right now. Tony was here. He didn't care about anything else, he didn't want to notice anything else. All that mattered was that he was here. 

Amaya slowly got up, sitting Loki in his previous position, and left the room only giving Tony a slight nod on the way out that he returned. The door closed behind her and suddenly, they were alone again. 

"Do you want to talk about it now or after you sleep?"

"Is there anything really to talk about?"

"Is there?"

Loki opened and closed his mouth with a sigh.

"I'm not good at all these complex emotions Stark."

"Yeah, I figured that out already. So we can either talk about it now, we can talk about it later, or we can never talk about it again and we can both pretend like we're not still mad. Which one do you want to do?"

What a decision it was. Terrible, grueling, and emotionally draining no matter which one he picked. But, in the end, there was only one answer he was really going to go with. He needed to stop this mental pain.

"I'm sorry for what I said. It wasn't honest. I do want to see you again after this I simply don't want you to come to Jotunheim."

"Why not?"

"Why do you think? Why do you hate the idea of me coming to Midgard so much?"

"I... I don't hate the idea. I just didn't want you to always come to me."

"Tony any visits we have outside of here will not be social calls. I cannot come and see you simply because I wish to, you cannot do the same. We will either be discussing politics or making children, that is the only thing we will see each other for outside of this." The very thought of it made him queasy but the sadness of it didn't make it any less true.

"Why does it have to be that way? Why can't we see each other more than that?"

"Because... I..."

Because he couldn't let himself love him and because even if he did, he would never be allowed to have him. Because he was emotionally damaged and once they left here he would go back to being emotionally damaged. Because they were worlds apart. Because Tony deserved better. Loki kept opening his mouth, trying to find the right way to explain all of that without the word love coming up but he couldn't do it and after a moment, Tony sighed. He looked defeated and Loki wanted nothing more than to fix that, but he couldn’t and he knew that.

"It's fine. I get it."

"Tony I-"

"No, Loki really. It's fine. I get it. Here."

Loki looked confused as Tony handed over the item in his hand, a wooden cane with an interesting metal attachment at the bottom.

"What is this?"

"It's to help you walk."

"You made this for me?"

"Yeah, I just whipped it together.”

”But… I don’t understand.”

”Well its not my best work. I was working pretty fast so it might not be perfect but-"

"But you were mad at me."

Tony paused. Loki was genuinely confused. Tony was mad at him. Why did he make him something while he was mad at him who does that? It would've made sense to Loki if he never returned at all but doing something nice for the person he was mad at? That was confusing.

"Well it wasn't hard. I had the materials, all I needed was some wood and metal so... yeah. The trees were right there and I was able to take apart my helper robots and make some simple tools. The bottom has a sensor. It should be able to repel the magnetic field of any surface or object."

"What does that mean?"

"Basically it should stay perfectly balanced no matter where you're using it, even if the surface is uneven. It'll keep you balanced. You'll have to practice with it and it might feel strange at first but-"

Tony stopped at the look on Loki's face as he stared in wonder at something that he just considered to be a simple cane.

"Loki?"

"It's perfect. Thank you."

"You... You're welcome. Are you ok?"

And the answer to that was no. No he was not, because he wasn't sure what to do about the paradox sitting right in front of him. Becasue he couldn't have Tony, and he couldn't let him go either.

Chapter Text

Searching an entire realm by one’s self was difficult, time-consuming, and tedious, but far from impossible especially if you were smart and willing. Kosto was both those things. He knew he wouldn't have to check any of the cities or towns. Everyone would know if there were two princes from foreign lands staying anywhere where people were and the security risk was way too high. They weren't even worth searching.

He had to search the remote areas in between the towns. That's where things became a bit more tricky. Alfheim had few deserts but the realm was covered in forests. Its natural beauty and harmony with nature were one of the most famous things about the realms.

He could search for lifetimes through one forest alone and never find anything, and that was assuming he didn't get lost. That meant he was going to have to get more creative with how he searched from now on. That was fine by him. He always loved a good challenge.

Kosto wasn't particularly strong, or charming, or good-looking. This was all true when he was younger but none of it had exactly improved with age. His parents both had seats on the high court and he grew up in the palace with all the other children whose families worked there. He was an ordinary child but from a young age he had two key advantages, he was clever and he was quiet.

He didn't talk much and he didn't interact with others except to play the games in the courtyard. He preferred to listen, even when he was small. He sat back and observed those around him, making judgments and predictions where he felt appropriate and after many years of quietly observing those around him, Kosto came to the conclusion that people, in general, weren't worth anything.

He didn't dislike them, he found them annoying and tedious and he didn't like interacting with them but that wasn't necessarily their fault. He still played with them and lived with him but his opinion of those around him was that they simply weren't worth much.

People were loud and boisterous, even if they had no reason to be and even if the events they were bragging about weren't true. They were selfish by nature, usually preferring themselves before anyone else and this selfishness manifested itself in the most subtle of ways that Kosto felt only he could see.

They would lie for any reason at all, fun, necessity, to avoid the consequences of their own actions, it was all the same. Scatterbrained, self-destructive, lazy, these were the qualities he saw in most of the people around him and that was fine. If that is who people were, that is who they were but in Kosto's eyes that immediately meant they weren't worth much, and any positive qualities they did have did little to mask the putrid reality of their real selves underneath, like putting perfume over stench.

This was true about everyone. That was, everyone except one crucial person who was the only exception to his rule, Blyster Laufeyosn crown prince of Jotunheim. when Kosto first met him he was absolutely astounded. He was the same as everyone else Kosto had ever seen and yet, in every way he was so different.

He was very loud but all of his stories started with we instead of I. He was arrogant often telling grand tales of things he could do, but he was somehow always able to follow through on them. He found so much joy in helping others it was hard to determine whether he was helping them for them or himself but he made the lives of those around him better, nonetheless. He would lie but only to protect others and not himself.

Every conclusion Kosto had made about others was simultaneously proven true and false by Blyster at the same time, and unlike everyone else around him, when he was there, prince Blyster could always see him and he always made him feel seen.

He was blushing and stuttering around him before he even knew what to do with himself. He picked his team for every game. He was completely and totally smitten, so when he was pulled into a room by the king and queen and the council members and told that he was the one chosen to be prince Blyster's attendant, he all but cried in joy. He would spend the rest of his life with Blyster, the person he loved and the only person in his eyes who had worth, and in that meant they told him, he had never been happier in his life.

He was completely devoted in his training to Blyster and even more so on the day that he took his oath. He devoted his all to Blyster, giving everything he was and he was good at his job. If Blyster told him to jump off a bridge he was in the air before the command was even done being given. He didn't care if he would die from the fall, only if the result would make Blyster happy.

Kosto's love quickly turned into an obsession. He wanted to be around Blyster all the time and as his attendant, this would normally be fine if not for one thing. Blyster was always managing to run off and escape, disappearing on him before he could even say anything.

It would send Kosto into a panic trying to find him but no matter how he searched it was no real use. If Blyster didn't want to be found he would not be found and when he didn't want to be found, it was always for the same reason and for the same person. It was because he was off doing something silly and wasting his precious time with his younger brother, Prince Loki.

The first time they'd tried to go out on their own, Kosto tried to explain to Blyster that he could not allow him to go into the woods by himself with only his little brother there with him. Prince Loki said something about them wanting to spend time together and have fun as brothers.

Kosto frankly didn't care what he was saying all he knew was that he didn't want to be separated from Blyster, but in Blyster's eyes, Loki was the most amazing thing in the world and he would always give his annoying little brother whatever he selfishly asked for. So, when he said he wanted them to go off together and explore, that was what they did and if Kosto insisted on going, they simply gave him the slip.

He didn't understand what was supposed to be so great about prince Loki or why his precious prince wasted all of his time with him. Everywhere he looked, there Loki was. The only exception was when he was in class or the library but it felt like every time he turned around, every time he thought they were finally alone, there prince Loki appeared and when he was there, all of Blyster's undivided attention immediately went to him.

It never made sense to him. Surely Kosto loved Blyster just as much as if not more than that sniveling little snot-nosed brat could. He didn't see why Loki got all of his love and time when Kosto clearly deserved it more, needed it more, craved it more. Blyster was everything. He wanted him to himself all the time, but he couldn't exactly do much about it. For one, Loki was a prince and for two despite being younger than Kosto, he was also much, much stronger.

He was labeled a child prodigy when it came to magic and had all of the knowledge and skill to prove it. Advanced skills that most of their peers would not know for years to come were child's play to him and in his hands, his magic was an infinite source of possibilities bound by nothing but prince Loki's own imagination. That kind of power was dangerous.

The only time he knew for sure that he would truly be free of Loki's infernal presence was when they played human hunter. That was his time with Blyster, his special time where they could finally be free of Loki and have fun together and Kosto cherished these times more than any other in life. He was always there when the game was being played and he was always one of the last ones standing, so, on that fateful day when Loki brought an actual human to the courtyard, he was there and he saw everything.

He chased off into the forest after the other children when they fleed after the human, Loki screaming after them saying something about her being harmless. Honestly speaking, Kosto didn't care whether she was harmless or not. She may have just been a regular terrible person just like everybody else but Blyster wanted her dead and Kosto wanted what Blyster wanted so he wanted her dead as well.

He'd never been to the woods around Jotunheim. He didn't see the point, they were boring and full of vermin but right now that did not make them any easier to navigate. Still, he had to try. He fell behind the other children quite quickly and his chances of catching up seemed quite slim but he still kept going.

It got to the point where he could barely see those ahead of him, but he did his best, always managing to keep them just on the edge of his view. When he finally caught up and pulled through the treeline, he saw the most terrible sight of his life play out and to his complete horror, he could nothing at all to change it.

Prince Loki was sitting there, hand open at the side of the cliff and just before he disappeared out of view he could see Blyster, falling over the side plummeting to his death. Everything stopped. Kosto's heart stopped. The world was instantly darker and the only living being of any worth, of any real value, dropped down, down, down, to the hard deadly ground below.

He waited for Loki to do something to save the brother he supposedly loved so much. He was a child prodigy, he had the magic reserves of someone three times his age, he had private tutors and private lessons and all the books he could ever read and as his brother who he claimed to love sat plummeting to his death and he just stared and did nothing. All that power, and still so worthless.

Kosto ran straight back to the palace immediately and told his parents everything. He would ruin him. He would end him. He would see him destroyed for what he had done to him letting Blyster die that day. He told them everything about how Prince Loki had just killed his brother and when they asked him why he would do such a thing, Kosto gave the only logical answer that could explain such a situation. To steal the throne of Jotunheim.

His parents called for prince Loki's arrest and charged him with the murder of prince Blyster. When the other children returned from the woods they confirmed Kosto's story, all except Amaya who would do anything the cry baby prince said as his attendant. Kosto made sure his parents had her testimony thrown out almost as soon as it was given. 

The day of Prince Loki's sentencing came and to everyone, it was clear that he was terribly guilty. All the king and queen would have to do is pronounce him guilty and he would be sent to the gallows. It was all so perfect, he would die for what he'd done to his prince.

Except Loki's parents didn't do that. They didn't kill him, they didn't hang him. For murdering and refusing to save their beloved precious firstborn son, they gave him no punishment and they let him go. He was even allowed to attend his brother's funeral and as he sat there, looking at his brother's dead body which was his fault, he had the nerve to look sad and cry.

Kosto was so furious he wanted nothing more than to destroy the entire Jotun royal bloodline and the rest of the realm with them. Then, by a stroke of sheer luck, prince Loki was kidnapped and taken off realm by some citizens who, unlike the worthless monarchs, would see justice done. Kosto was delighted. Bye-bye spoiled prince, the world would be better without him.

The entire time Loki was gone, Kosto breathed better, he ate better, he slept better. He was happier when he believed Loki was dead and he wasn't sure how they did it but he hoped however it was done it was long and extremely painful. Maybe something with fire. That would work very, very well.

Then Loki came back. He actually managed to survive everything they did to him and came back alive. The selfish monarchs refused to prosecute Loki for what he'd done but anyone who refused to help their son was put to death. Not their murderous traitor selfish child, the citizens who tried to do their job for them, that's who was punished. Kosto was worried at first that this would deter more assassination attempts but he was happy to see that they were still coming in full force and they were only increasing by the day.

Loki stayed by his parents' sides day and night with them protecting him from any of the great citizens who could manage to see reason. They were all killed brutally and efficiently but more and more kept coming every day.

Every time he was attacked, Loki would cower and hide behind his parents legs like a toddler but Kosto wasn't fooled by that. He knew what Loki truly was, even if everyone else didn't, and he waited for the day Loki would stop pretending to be some scared meek little child and let his true colors show. He waited and waited and waited for years and it took a long time but finally, Loki's true colors showed and when they finally did show, the streets ran red with Jotun blood.

The things Loki did over the years to the people who attacked him made the things his parents did look like light work by comparison. If his parents were brutal and efficient, Loki was a true, actual monster when it came to dealing with his attackers. Nobody ever survived and each death was always somehow worse than the last. It was terrifying.

Kosto knew better than to try and eliminate Loki himself. His magic was average, not weak but not the strongest either, but Loki had taken down others ten times his strength and size without even batting a lash. If he ever had to fight him himself, Kosto knew he would die and quickly and he wasn't foolish enough to try it, until now.

He had gathered Malphite and Ubica together to seize the opportunity with Loki off realm, away from help, and unsuspecting of any danger. Malphite was the king's attendant. He was in the best position to get information on Loki's whereabouts and to know how long they had to find him before the king grew too anxious. If he wanted to play leader while he did it, that was fine with Kosto. He didn't care who led as long as Loki's death followed

Ubica was a slightly different matter. She was actually very interesting, she didn't care at all about Loki or what he'd done. From an early age, Ubica was praised for her understanding and control of the magic within her. She was labeled as a child prodigy, just like Loki, and that label shaped her view of the world and gave her a clear goal that she worked to achieve for herself.

Killing Loki was one of the greatest prizes she could get. She would be taking down one of the most powerful Jotun alive and she would be killing the murderous prince who had been sworn off by the entire realm. It would make her a hero and with these achievements under her belt, she thought she was almost guaranteed to be named the next sorcerer supreme of Jotunheim, a title Loki was currently training to receive.

For Kosto, the matter was even more simple than that. He wanted revenge. He had wanted it for millenia and had waited for someone to finally achieve the goal but none had been able to succeed as of yet. So, here he was, going through every forest in all of Alfheim and searching. If the citizens didn't want to take Loki out, he would do it himself.

He couldn't cover the entire area of all the forests on foot but it was fine. He didn't need to. He went around covering everywhere he felt necessary and placed wards in every forest all throughout Alfheim. Those wards would stay active for as long as he wanted them to and with them, he could sit back and carefully watch over huge swathes of land without ever having to be in them.

He lost everything when he lost Blyster. He lost the only person in all the realms whose life had meaning, who had worth. So, for taking his precious prince away from him, Kosto would destroy Loki, and when he was done, and by the time he was finished, there wouldn't be enough of a body left to send home to his parents to bury.

It looked like he wasn't far from his plan either, because off towards the middle of one of the forests off out of the way on the eastern side of Alfheim's borders, one of Kosto's wards just activated, and when he looked to see what they found he was happily surprised to find none other than Tony Stark, the prince of Midgard.

"Loki? Loki? Good morning sleepy head."

Loki groaned trying to ignore the insistent voice as Tony woke him up the next day. He'd been having a good dream too, he didn't really want it to end. Then again, he supposed Tony wasn't exactly a bad thing to start his day off with either, so with a small smile he slowly started to open his eyes and wake up.

"There you are. Good morning beautiful."

He felt his cheeks immediately heat up. That was strange. He couldn't remember Tony ever calling him beautiful before, that was a very sudden behavior but he quite liked it. He doubted Tony would make a habit of it, he was always calling him these little nicknames. It likely wouldn't happen again but he supposed just this once it was ok.

"How is my favorite blue man today?"

"Do you know any other blue men?"

"A whole group of them actually but you're my favorite."

"Wow, I didn't know you could be such a flirt Stark."

"For you Lokes, I could be anything."

Loki felt his cheeks heat up again at that. Something was wrong. Everything felt so right, almost too right. He wasn't looking around enough, he wasn't being cautious enough, he wasn't being aware enough, and everything was too... happy. The atmosphere was too peaceful, like nothing could go wrong. That was a red flag if ever he'd seen one.

Still, he was always too cautious and he always felt anxious. For once right now he didn't feel that way. He felt... relaxed. He felt happy. He was in the same room he always was with Tony. The sun shined bright through the window on the far wall and everything felt nice. He could let himself indulge in that for just this one day, couldn't he? Could he truly accomplish that just for today?

"I was thinking, today we could take it easy for a little while. I know you've been wanting to practice your walking a lot but-"

"No, no that sounds good. An easy day sounds nice. I... I want to relax with you."

Loki felt his cheeks heat up again. What was going on? Something still felt wrong, he couldn't shake that nagging feeling in the back of his head like he should know something. Despite how bright and happy the room felt, there was something terrifying about it as well. It was bothering him, no matter how much he tried he couldn't let it go.

"So I know you've been liking the book you were reading, so I was thinking maybe we could..."

Loki's attention was suddenly grabbed as the door behind Tony opened and someone walked in. At first he thought it was Amaya until the person walked further into the room, and he could see it wasn't. It was a Jotun walking in with a long, sharp knife and Loki felt every never in his body suddenly go on red alert as they slowly start to creep forward over to where he was sitting trapped on the ground.

He needed to run. He needed to grab Tony and get as far away as he could but he couldn't move. His body wouldn't let him, he was trapped where he was and every second he still couldn't defend himself as his attacker slowly crept closer and closer.

"Tony? Tony!"

He heard his voice call out but Tony didn't seem like he could hear him.

"Tony! Tony theres's someone coming!"

Still he didn't hear him. He kept talking about their plans for the day. Loki waited expectantly as the Jotun grew closer and closer. He knew he was going to kill him. It was only a matter of time before that long knife would be sticking out of his chest but Tony still wouldn't listen.

"Tony! Tony!"

Still no response. Loki gave up on the idea of warning him as he tried to look around for something to defend himself with, but before he could get his hands on something that would work as a suitable weapon, the attacker stopped.

The attacker stopped walking. Loki looked at where he was standing and his heart froze in his chest and every feeling of panic that was currently shooting through him doubled in only a second because the Jotun hadn't stopped in front of him. He was standing behind Tony. He reached forward and threaded his finger through Tony's hair and slowly lifted his head back.

"Tony! Please you have to listen to me!"

Loki's cries grew more and more desperate by the second but Tony just kept on speaking about their plans for the day. He didn't understand what was going on.

Couldn't he feel the hand in his hair? Coudn't he sense that there was someone standing behind him? Why was he acting like this? What was happening! The Jotun slowly pressed the knife firmly against Tony's throat but he still didn't notice and he still couldn't hear a word of Loki's insistent begging. At this point he had tears in his eyes but Tony didn't seem to see them.

"Tony please! Please! Please!"

"Won't that be fun Loki? Loki?"

Loki looked back and forth between Tony and the assailant, begging Tony to look behind him. His heart was pumping a million mile an hour. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Why wasn't he turning around!

"Loki? Wont that be fun? Loki?"

The person slid the knife cleanly across Tony's throat. Loki closed his eyes as the blood sprayed in his face. There was short gurgle and then it was over.

"Loki? Loki? Good morning sleep head."

Loki groaned trying to ignore the insistent voice as Tony woke him up. He'd been having a good dream too, he didn't really want... Wait... What? With a small smile spreading across his lips, he slowly felt himself starting to wake up and open his eyes.

"There you are. Good morning beautiful."

He felt his cheeks immediately heat up. Had Tony ever called him beautiful before? Somehow he felt like he'd heard it before but he couldn't exactly remember Tony ever calling him that. He felt like he'd remember something like that but... Something was...

"How is my favorite blue man today?"

"Do you know any other blue men?"

"A whole group of them actually but you're my favorite."

Tony was flirting with him. Why was Tony flirting with him, since when did Stark flirt so openly? He tried to look around but he couldn't move. All he could do was look and smile at Tony and take in the atmosphere around him. It felt happy. The atmosphere was too peaceful, like nothing could go wrong. He'd thought that before. Something was going to happen.

"I was thinking, today we could take it easy for a little while. I know you've been wanting to practice your walking a lot but-"

"I... Are you feeling alright?" 

Tony didn't respond to that except to smile as if Loki had said exactly what he wanted him to and kept going with the answer as if this were all some kind of script. Why did it feel like this was a script? Something was about to happen. He felt himself growing more and more anxious with every second, but Tony just kept right on about all the plans he had for their day.

The door to the room opened. The same Jotun from before suddenly walked in and suddenly Loki knew everything that was going to happen and why this all looked so familiar. The Jotun slowly started to creep forward to where they were sitting and Loki felt himself immediately start to panic.

"Stark! Stark listen to me we need to run!"

It was futile, Tony still couldn't hear him but Loki still couldn't move. He was trapped in a neverending cycle and all he could do was scream and beg to someone who couldn't respond to him as the assailant slowly grew closer and closer with each and every step. All too soon he was slowly threading his fingers right through Tony's hair all over again. He felt tears coming to his eyes but none of it seemed to make a difference and the situation didn't change.

"Tony! Tony! Please!"

"Loki? Wont that be fun? Loki?"

The person slid the knife cleanly across Tony's throat and he closed his eyes as the blood sprayed in his face.

"Loki? Loki? Good morning sleep head."

His eyes slowly open as the cycle repeated. And repeated... And repeated... And repeated until Loki could feel himself slowly going more and more insane with each passing time and slowly the memories came back faster and faster as he tried everything to save Tony but no matter what he did, the Jotun would always reached him and it always ended the same way with Tony dead and Loki useless to stop it.

"Loki? Loki? Good morning sleepy head."

Loki opened his mouth and screamed.

Chapter Text

Loki woke up violently, sweating profusely, panicking, and with every nerve in his body on red alert. He looked up at the door. Good, it was still closed they had time. He didn't know why he could move this time but maybe if he moved fast enough maybe they could still escape. He couldn't use the door, they could risk running into the Jotun killer but if they snuck out the window then they-

Loki's eyes suddenly landed on the other male in question in the room and he froze, brain trying to comprehend what he was seeing. Tony was asleep. Why was Tony asleep? Tony had always been awake before saying his script and then he couldn't hear Loki and then... and then...

Realization dawned on his slowly as he kept looking around the room, trying hard not to refocus on finding a way to run. It was no longer bright mid-day as it had been, now it was dawn. The atmosphere didn't feel unrealistically happy and sweet like it had, it just felt normal. There was no Jotun coming to kill them. He'd had a nightmare.

Loki closed his eyes against the images of Tony's bright smiling face talking about all the things they were going to do today and then the Jotun coming behind him and slashing a knife across his throat. Loki always closed his eyes before the deed could be done but he knew what a slit throat looked like and he had a very good imagination. He could still feel the blood against his face.

No. He was not going to panic. It was a nightmare, that's all it was. Tony wasn't dead, he wasn't hurt, he was right here. It wasn't real he just... He could still see the images. They wouldn't go away and the worst part was, he couldn't even manage to warn him. He tried and tried but he failed every time. Just another person he'd tried to save, dead in front of him.

Not again. Please not again. He closed his eyes against the thought. Why did everyone he... He refused to use the word. He didn't care what Amaya said, he didn't love Tony. It had only been a moment of weakness brought on by the distress of the moment that made him think that. He didn't love him. The very thought of it was too absurd to entertain.

He had to wake Tony up. That was the deal. Tony got to sleep more and if Loki had another nightmare he would wake him up so he could help him with it. He told Tony he'd do that, at the time he'd meant it. Now it was time to actually do it and the circumstances couldn't be harder.

What was he going to say? The first thing Tony was going to ask him was what happened in the dream how was he going to tell him that? A Jotun came in and killed Tony in front of him, he wasn't sure what Stark would make of that. Maybe he would assume it meant something more, maybe he would think it meant Loki had some kind of deeper feelings towards him. How was he going to do this?

He could lie, that was usually his first strategy. He could say the Jotun had come in and killed him instead of Tony. It was believable, Jotun usually killed him in his nightmares. He could just not wake him. He could try to go back to sleep again. Images clouded his mind briefly of the last time he'd tried that taking him to a dark, dark place he'd rather not remember.

So going back to sleep probably wasn't a go. So he had to wake Tony then. It was inevitable. At least he had a lie already ready to do. He leaned forward and put a hand on Tony's shoulder and shook him as gently as possible.

"Stark... Stark!"

"Hnnnng."

Loki smirked, amused at Tony's tired version of English.

"That's not a word in either of our languages Stark."

"Mmmm... Loki?"

"No, a fairy."

Tony slowly started to sit up, wiping at his eyes. He looked so exhausted. If he was being honest, Loki felt bad for waking him up. Still, if he didn't he knew Tony would be even more upset and even more tired afterward. He would probably refuse to sleep again, staying conscious for long hours just to make sure he was alright.

He waited patiently as the other man slowly sat up and finally started to look at least half-awake but as soon as Tony's eyes fell on him he stopped, his eyes narrowing critically as he took him in. It'd been so long since Loki truly had a reason to feel self-conscious around another person that the way Tony was looking at him now made him want to retreat somewhere so he couldn't see him.

"What's wrong?"

"Why are you so sure something is wrong?"

"Well, you woke me up and your eyes keep going to the door like someone's about to come in, your entire body is tensed, and you keep clenching and unclenching your hand around your cane like you're about to use it as a weapon."

Loki looked down at the device by his hand and immediately brought his hand back to his lap. He hadn't even realized he'd been doing that.

"Yes, I suppose those are good indicators."

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"I... Yes I had a nightmare."

"Ok. Tell me about it."

"We were... We were sitting in this room together like this and the door opened. A Jotun walked in, I don't know who they were, just a random creation of my mind, but every time they would creep over and I would try to warn you that they were there but you couldn't hear me and then he would sneak over to me and kill me."

"He killed you?"

"Yes. Then I would wake up and we would be back in the same positions and the dream would restart."

"Hm. That's interesting. You've never had a dream that was set here before."

He hadn't even thought of that. He should've said the dream took place in Jotunheim, in fact, he should've removed Tony from the dream entirely. He could say it was his brother or sister sitting across from him why did he keep that part true?

"Do you know what it's connected to?"

"What do you mean?"

"All your dreams are usually connected to something from your past. The children hanging, the nurses not helping you, all of that. What is this connected to?"

Why did he have to be betrothed to a scientist! Why couldn't Tony be stupid! He had to think, Tony was looking at him waiting for an answer. He had to be able to tell him something!

"I don't think it's truly connected to anything. Nothing like that has happened in my past. Perhaps it was just random."

"No, your dreams are never random." Loki was sweating bullets as Tony slowly worked through all the details trying to uncover the final picture of the puzzle. "If it's not from something in the past maybe it's from something in the present?"

Why couldn't he just be stupid! He shouldn't have woken him up so hastily. He should've taken more time to prepare, to come up with a better lie first but he never expected Tony to pay so close attention, especially as tired as he was. He needed to find some way out of-

"Wait..."

Oh no.

"Is this..."

Please don't say it.

"Is this because of the fight yesterday?"

He- what?

"What?"

"When I left the room suddenly like that. I shouldn't have left you here alone like I did. I asked Amaya to stay with you but-"

"Amaya is not a capable fighter. She knows no battle magic, remember? If something were to happen she would not be able to save either of us."

"I assumed the worst that would happen is you two arguing. I'm sorry I left you alone."

"You needed to step away. I said some things-"

"That still doesn't mean I should've left you, well, at least without giving you a way to feel safe. Normally I'd just make you a weapon but..."

"But I might use it on you without actually meaning to in a fit of panic."

"Yes, that. I could modify your cane slightly to make it a bit heavier. It won't kill anything but it should do some damage. It seems to be your go-to to reach for it when you feel like you're in danger anyways so, might as well. Just do your best not to use it to give me a concussion."

"And if I accidentally do?"

"Well... How's healing magic against brain injuries."

"Depends on the injury but for a concussion, it should be able to fix it."

"Great then call Amaya. Are you alright?"

"Yes I'm ok." He wasn't but he didn't see the advantage in telling Tony that.

"You sure? You still looked a bit... spooked."

"Yes, I'm fine. I just haven't had a nightmare in a while. I'm not quite used to them anymore."

Tony nodded with a long bone-breaking yawn.

"That makes sense."

"Go to sleep. You look tired." Now it was Tony's turn to look uneasy.

"Well... Maybe I should stay up a little while just to make sure-"

"Tony, you don't need to wake me from my nightmares anymore. I woke you after this one did I not?" Tony nodded. "I will wake you if I have any more. Besides, it was only one bad dream. It doesn't mean I'll automatically have another."

"Yeah but if you do-"

"Then you'll know about it because I will wake you. Go to sleep Stark. You are tired. You need to sleep."

Tony still looked uneasy but it was clear he wasn't going to keep fighting on it. He nodded and slowly laid back down. Loki waited, sitting silently refusing to make a single sound until Tony's breathing turned rhythmic and his soft snores sounded out.

He slumped against the wall, every muscle in his body losing energy all at the same time. That had been terrifying. Was he marrying a detective, what was that? How did Tony gather so much information with so little? He needed to be careful. He had to craft his lies more carefully for him, it was the only way he was possibly going to get through this.

What is this connected to?

What was that connected to?

He wasn't foolish enough to believe that the fight was what caused all this. Maybe if it really had been Loki who had died in the dream, maybe that would have made sense but he knew that it wasn't so if that wasn't the case, what caused it?

It was probably Amaya and her hastily telling him he loved Tony. It was absolutely absurd. He didn't love Tony, he wasn't foolish. It was just Amaya putting ideas in his head. He needed to calm down.

There was no real danger, there was no real truth to it. He... He did not love Tony Stark. He just needed to stop letting Amaya's ideas run rampant in his head and then he'd be back to normal sweet dreams. It was all ok. he needed to relax.

Loki put his head against the wall and slowly let his eyes close. It was just one bad dream, one nightmare. It didn't mean it would happen again. He would be ok. He would go back to normal now that he'd decoded the reason behind his mind's strange predilections. He needed to get some sleep. It was all ok.

"Chase me Loki, chase me!"

Loki laughed, running as fast as he could after Tony in the cold. They were in a clearing in the woods. There was a fresh layer of snow on the ground and a tiny Tony was running across it with a tiny Loki following behind him both screeching in glee.

"You can't catch me!"

"Yes I can too!"

"Cannot!"

"Can too!"

"Do it then!"

Tony darted off into the woods still laughing and Loki followed right behind him determined to catch him. Tony might be fast but Loki was better at traveling the woods and it wasn't long before he was getting closer and closer to his friend but every time he was within arms reach Tony somehow ended up even farther ahead of him. That was ok though. That just meant they got to play for longer!

"You move like a slowpoke!"

Loki upped his pace chasing after his friend with reckless abandon not caring about anything except that Tony was here and as long as Tony was here, he was happy. He knew he should've stopped and made them both turn around when the woods got too deep but they were just having so much fun! He didn't want it to stop.

Tony turned behind a tree through a different path trying to lose Loki. He quickly followed him down the same path, except when he got there, Tony was gone. Loki turned around looking in every direction trying to find where his friend had gone.

"Tony?"

Loki looked around waiting for a response but none came. The laughing and giggling had stopped. There were no more sounds except the sounds of the forest as he kept turning and turning looking this way and that trying to find the other prince.

"Tony? Where have you gone?"

"Loki! Come and catch me!"

"Tony where are you!"

"Come catch me Loki! Come on! Catch me!"

"Yes. Come on Loki. Catch him."

Loki's blood ran cold at the unfamiliar voice entering the forest.

"Tony! Tony where are you!" There was silence, no answer except for the birds and creatures living in the forest until suddenly-

"LOKI!"

"Tony!"

Loki darted off in the direction of his friend's panicked scream, everything about their fun game suddenly forgotten as he put all the strength, energy, and power he could into his legs to run as fast as he could towards that panicked sound.

"Tony where are you!"

"LOKI! HELP!"

Loki tried to run even faster, tears starting to come to his eyes and blur his vision slightly as he made his way through the trees but he blinked them away as fast as he could and kept going. He couldn't think, he needed to get to his friend. Who was that earlier! What was going on!

"LOKI!"

"Tony I'm coming!"

He barreled through an endless stream of tress as fast as he could until he broke through and reached the exact clearing they had started in. That didn't make sense. The path he took shouldn't have brought him back to this spot, Loki knew that. In the center of the clearing was a Jotun, one Loki had never seen before with a glowing hand sitting right against Tony's temple.

Tony was trying to keep a straight face. He was trying not to show his fear but Loki could see it even through him trying to hide it. Tony was absolutely terrified by this. The one holding him had a cruel, sadistic smile on their face and the hand that didn't have a deadly amount of magic trained right at Tony's head was wrapped securely around Tony's throat.

"Let him go!"

Loki tried to put all the power and authority of a future king into his voice as he said those words but the person's smirk only grew wider. They had all the power in the situation and they knew it. Loki tried to take a tentative step forward but as soon as his toe touched the snow in front of him the hand went closer to Tony's head. Loki started to panic.

"Please! Our parents are monarchs, whatever you want I'm sure they will provide it in exchange for his safe return!"

Still, the person still didn't move. Loki felt tears well up in his eyes.

"Please! Please I'll do anything just-"

He couldn't find the words. His best friend was currently sitting with a magic bolt to his head and instead of fixing it he was just sitting here like a whining blubbering baby, but he didn't know what else to do. Tony's brave facade was cracking more and more by the second as he looked out at him, begging him for help but Loki didn't know how to fix this and he was running out of time.

He couldn't fight. He couldn't run and get help. He couldn't use diplomacy. He was completely and totally helpless. He sunk to his knees, tears falling from his eyes as he looked up at the villain still sitting there with the same smirk.

"Whatever you ask for I'll do it I'll get it I'll make it I'll... I'll do anything. Please please! What do you want!"

"What do I want?"

There was silence in the clearing for one second...

two seconds...

three seconds...

The blast went off, violently colliding with Tony's head and killing him instantly. Loki screamed as the Jotun threw Tony's body to the snowy ground beneath them. Loki recoiled away from the dead body of his friend hyperventilating and trying to fight the ice-cold fear running through his veins.

Loki felt a hand pulling at his hair as the Jotun from before grabbed him against his protests and against his struggles. He fought with all his might but they were too strong as they dragged him over to Tony's corpse and forced him to look at it. Loki couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't see anything except the dead body in front of him.

"I want you to suffer."

Loki came to, a scream half caught in his throat and tears in his eyes as he looked around wildly, his mind caught between his dream and reality. He still couldn't get rid of that feeling, that icy cold feeling of fear that clawed its way through his veins and made him want to hide away in a corner or get rid of anything near him that could hurt him.

He had to calm himself down once, twice, and finally a third time, each time fighting to push down his fear before he was finally able to slowly turn his face until he could see Tony, an adult Tony, sitting on the floor, asleep and breathing and alive.

Loki had to fight back more tears as the full weight of all the emotions he'd just had to suffer through washed over him in full force and for a second he couldn't do anything but sit there in shock. What was going on with him? What was wrong with him? He couldn't breathe, he couldn't even think a second before.

Loki reached out a hand for Tony to wake him again but his hand stopped halfway before he could. He needed to plan how he was going to tell Tony this. This one was actually set in Jotunheim and him being chased through a forest wasn't exactly a truly unbelievable situation. He could remove Tony entirely, say the Jotun captured him and killed him and leave it at that.

Loki leaned forward and shook Tony again waking him up. Before he had almost laughed at the frankly silly noises Tony made when he was forced out of sleep but now... Now Loki was just relieved to hear him be able to speak at all.

"Did you have another one?"

"Would I be forcing you up otherwise?"

Tony rolled his eyes and stretched, wiping the tired from his eyes.

"Ok, what happened?"

"I was playing a game in the woods in Jotunheim when someone caught me. They killed me."

He kept it as general as possible on purpose. Stark couldn't draw any conclusions if he didn't have any details to draw them from and he couldn't think it was something from the present that was the issue if it was set in a place in the past. A strange look crossed Tony's face that made Loki very uneasy. He sat waiting for Tony to say something in reaction to his words.

"You were playing in the woods?"

"Yes."

"So I'm assuming you were a kid?"

"I... How did you know that?"

"You're only playing in your dreams when you're a kid."

"Yes, I was a kid."

"And they killed you as a kid?"

"I think we already established that I was a kid Stark you've made that very clear why does it matter!"

Tony just rolled his eyes at Loki's annoyance but Loki couldn't help it. He couldn't calm down. He felt defensive and on edge. He didn't know how Tony was drawing all these conclusions. He knew he'd been paying attention when he spoke but he didn't know he'd been paying this much attention!

"And you said the person killed you?"

"Yes, Stark!"

Tony looked at him for a long time, not saying a word just sitting there silently. Loki was already anxious enough and Tony's current actions were not helping but as long as he waited, Tony just sat there and watched him until finally

"Loki, are you lying to me?"

Loki's blood went cold. It took all of his skills to not react to that statement and instead narrow his eyes in a fit of anger that he wished was a bit more false.

"Are you accusing me Stark?"

Tony ignored his question and his mood altogether, not even seeming to care that Loki looked like he wanted to rip his head off.

"Because you know I can only actually help you if you tell me the truth, right?"

"I'm not lying Stark! It was my nightmare who are you to tell me what happened in it!"

"Loki, all your nightmares are connected to things that happened to you, right?"

"Yes!"

"And all the citizens hated you after Blyster's death right?" Oh no. "So then why would a random citizen be killing you as a child when the people of Jotunheim loved you when you were a kid?"

He needed to end this, quickly. He could feel the need to run rising higher and higher in his bones.

"If you don't want to believe me Stark you can go back to bed. I'll figure it out on my own."

"Loki I'm not trying to fight you-"

"Then why are you!"

"Because sitting here and letting you lie about what's going on isn't going to help you get better." As mad as he wanted to be, something in him still had to melt at Tony's tone and the look on his face. "I want to help you Loki. That's all I want."

Loki searched around desperately in his mind searching for a way out.

"Maybe this one isn't connected to anything."

"Your nightmares are always connected to something."

"I don't know what you want from me Stark!"

"The truth."

"I'm telling you the truth!"

"Then what is it connected to? Why were you being captured in the woods? What was it about?"

Think think think THINK!

"There was a game in the courtyard that was one on one where we chased each other around. The first child was supposed to capture the other child and the other child was supposed to evade either until time ran out or until the chaser conceded defeat depending on how you played. Maybe me playing and being caught is connected to that."

Tony looked very far from sure but he at least looked like he was being forced to consider that as a possibility.

"Ok, if that's the case why is there a random Jotun catching and killing you as a child instead of one of the kids from the woods."

"I don't know Tony. I really don't. I understand this is confusing but I don't know my mind is doing this right now. Maybe it's started combining situations, maybe it's doing a whole new thing now I'm not sure but that is what happened."

Tony looked skeptical but he finally relaxed his body a little bit with a sigh. Loki tried to relax his body too but it was a poor imitation and at the point, he supposed he was just lucky Tony wasn't pressing the matter anymore. How much did Tony really know? How much did Loki actually tell him throughout these months? How was he so accurate? Should he really stop telling Tony the truth?

"Wake me up if you have any more bad dreams alright?"

"I will."

The words were hollow but he tried to make them sound as genuine as possible. Tony nodded hesitantly giving him one final concerned look before he laid back down closed his eyes and went back to sleep. Loki didn't move after Tony fell asleep. He didn't move until he had checked double-checked and triple-checked that Tony was truly unconscious.

He let his body melt into the wall behind him trying to fight back the urge to scream. He couldn't allow that again. That had been terrifying. He'd been lying for almost all his life, both big and little lies to people of all positions for various reasons but no one had ever caught him in one before, not when he truly wasn't trying to be caught anyways.

Tony found the truth so quickly it was scary. It was like Loki hid a needle in a haystack and Tony just grabbed a metal detector. What was he going to do if he had another bad dream with Tony in it? He couldn't not sleep, he'd tried that before. He could tell Tony the truth but there was no telling what conclusions he would draw if he knew he was in the dreams and in what capacity.

It was just Amaya putting ideas in his head. He didn't love Tony. That still didn't answer the questions though: What was causing these nightmares and why was Tony the center of them and why was he always dying?

That was the worst part, watching Tony die over and over again. He almost wished... he would rather see himself die repeatedly than see Tony. Why did he feel that way? He didn't understand but every time he saw it, every time Tony's corpse appeared in his mind he wasn't sure if he wanted to scream, vomit, or punch something.

He took a deep breath. He needed to stop this. He had worked to get out of the very state he was about to drive himself back into and with every day drawing closer and closer to him going home, he couldn't risk that. And, if he was being very honest with himself, even if he knew he couldn't keep it, he liked this bond he'd formed with Tony. He didn't want to lose that either, at least not before he had to.

Another deep breath. It was a coincidence. He had to go back to sleep, he had very little choice. He slowly sat back against the wall, checking one more time around the room for anything that could hurt him. His hand was still wrapped tightly around his cane, even as he shut his eyes.

"He loves me... He loves me not... He loves me... He loves me not... He loves-"

"Stark why do you insist on playing such silly games you already know I love you."

Tony smirked at him, still picking at the tiny yellow flower no doubt keeping track of which one he was on in his head.

"We gotta see what the flower says Lokes. Do you want to see?"

Loki chuckled, turning himself to fully face Tony with an amused look on his face.

"Humor me Stark. Continue with your game."

"Ok. I think I was on... He loves me not... He loves me!"

Tony reached for the stem of the flower that promised his love to Loki and tore it off. Loki heard an absolutely terrifying sound as he watched one of Tony's fingernails pop off but Tony didn't seem t0 care at all and he continued looking at the little flower in his hand searching for the next part he wanted to pick.

"Stark! Why did you-"

"Shush Loki you're going to ruin the game. Now let's see... He loves me not... He loves me!"

Tony tore the flower again and Loki gasped in horror as one of his eyeballs hung loosely out of its socket.

"Tony you're hurt!"

Tony's fingers suddenly stopped their search for the next piece of the flower to rip and he looked up at Loki as if he were confused by his statement.

"Of course I'm hurt. That's how we all end up isn't it, those who love you? To love you, we die for it."

Suddenly between one blink and the next, it wasn't Tony anymore. It was everyone. Everyone he'd ever loved, everyone who had ever loved him, each with their own flower, each hurt in some way, each staring as if in a trance except for Tony who just smiled and kept searching for the next petal to tear as if nothing were wrong. As if this were normal.

"He loves me not... He loves me!"

Hundreds of voices all intoned at the same time and Loki turned, startled as he heard the sound of something dropping. He couldn't see where the sound came from.

"He loves me not... He loves me!"

"Please stop! Stop I'm sorry!"

"You have to stop loving us Loki. That's the only way we can stop it."

"But I can't! I can't don't you understand that!"

"He loves me not... He loves me!"

Another thing dropped. Loki still couldn't see what it was but he had a very, very good feeling he knew what it was anyways. He was going to be sick.

"Ok, I've stopped! I've stopped loving you please, please just-"

"We have to do what the flower says Lokes. We all want to know how you feel."

"I've already told you I don't love-"

"He loves me not... He loves me!"

"Awww. You love me, little brother?"

Loki turned and saw Blyster smiling brightly at him. The light was slowly fading from his eyes and Loki could see, his flower was bare and he heard that eerily familiar dropping sound again as Blyster's body hit the ground.

"He loves me not... He loves me!" Drop.

"I don't love you! I don't love you!"

"He loves me not... He loves me!" Drop.

"Stop!"

"He loves me not... He loves me!"

"I love you too Loki."

Loki turned towards his sister's voice. He took a step towards her but before he could take another, she dropped, a smile on her face now a corpse on the ground.

"He loves me not... He loves me!" Drop.

"He loves me not... He loves me!" Drop.

"Stop it! I don't love you! I don't love you at all!"

"But all our flowers say that you love us. That's where they end, and of course, if you truly didn't love us, if you had only stayed away from us, we'd all be alive."

"He loves me not... He loves me!" Drop.

"Please stop! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do this to you!"

Body after body dropped to the ground, each happily proclaiming his love for them, the love that ended with them not being alive anymore. Loki turned and turned, panic set in as he tried to stop his friends and his family, and his loved ones from their awful fate but no matter what he said, no matter what he did, it all ended the same. Drop... Drop... Drop... Drop...

Tony's flower was the last one in the end. His had the most petals. Loki watched as he continued to pick the petals one by one as they were surrounded by a mass grave of everyone who he had ever dared to care for.

"Tony, Tony please stop. I don't love you I promise I really don't!"

"I don't know Loki, let's see what the petals say. He loves me not... He loves me... He loves me not... He loves me... He loves me not..."

The last petal stood tall and proud and Tony looked up at him, smiling bright and wide.

"Tony, please don't. I don't want this I didn't want to do this to you just, please! Tony please!"

"Awww Lokes. I love you too."

He tore the petal and Tony's wide grin stared back at him as the light faded from his eyes and he dropped.

When Loki woke up he shoved his fist in his mouth as far as it could go to block the sounds from the screams. He bit down until he could taste blood and laid there on the floor, rocking himself back and forth keeping any sound from getting out. He did not wake Tony.

Chapter Text

Loki stayed up the rest of the night. He was tired, but every time he closed his eyes all he heard was drop... drop... drop... It was no use. He wasn't getting to sleep again until he talked about what he'd seen in his dreams and the only person he could talk to about them was the problem.

To be loved by him was to die. He couldn't help but believe that. He knew he shouldn't, he was sure if Tony was awake right now he'd find some way to convince him that it wasn't his fault but left to his own decices, it simply didn't make sense. Everyone he loved was gone. The only common denominator was him. How could this not be his fault?

He looked over longingly where Tony was still sleeping, completely oblivious to the absolute torment happening inside Loki's head. He would make him feel better. He would usually gag at the thought of telling someone his problems but Tony was different. He made him feel like he could handle anything if they only tackled it together. He would make him feel safe.

No! Loki pushed that thought from his head. It was thinking like this that got him here in the first place. He was too reckless with his emotions. He knew he trusted Stark, he hadn't had much of a choice at the time, and he knew he definitely didn't dislike him but he also knew it was more than that.

He wasn't completely unaware of the state of his own emotions. Something had been growing for the inventor, a certain... fondness that he couldn't quite put a name to. Ever since he told Tony about Blyster and her and he didn't hurt him, even helped him through it, and comforted him when he needed it, he'd just felt a certain... warmth at even the thought of Stark's name.

Tony was nice when he wanted to be. He made him laugh. He was supportive in a way that confused Loki. In a way, Loki couldn't be entirely mad at himself. How could he not be attracted to someone like that? Those were things he hadn't had access to in a long, long time especially from another person. Still, love? He didn't even think he still had the ability to love. His heart was so fragile and broken, he never imagined it could still hold such a volatile emotion.

That still didn't answer the central question though. What was he going to do? Could he continue to feel this way knowing what it had done to so many others in the past? Was he dooming Tony by loving him? It sure felt like it. Did he even want to love Tony? What would Tony think if he knew? Should he tell him about his dreams or should he keep it to himself?

What if Stark hated him for it? He couldn't blame him or be mad at him if Tony decided not to return his affections, that was his decision to make, but what if he was disgusted by it? What if he was angry at him for falling for him when everyone else he'd loved had met such terrible fates? 

Loki wasn't sure if he could bear the thought of Tony looking at him like that. He didn't know if he could make it if Tony ever turned his eyes on him in hate or disgust after sitting here for so long talking to him, listening to him, being comforted by him, being treated like he was normal by him.

Loki squeezed his arms around his middle at the very thought. It was funny how something that used to be so normal now seemed unbearable even as a basic concept. He used to love being alone, he found his safety in being alone but now thanks to this one human, he didn't want to be alone ever again.

But that still wasn't safe for Tony. He couldn't doom him like that simply because of his own fears of neglect but if he didn't tell Tony, if he truly left him alone and kicked him out of his life, Loki would deteriorate instead. He would descend into madness in the form of his nightmares and whatever part of his mind the nightmares didn't destroy, the sudden forced return to isolation would.

He knew they would have to leave each other eventually but that was different. He had planned to ease himself back into isolation towards the end of the trip. He never intended to have someone who made him feel safe and then suddenly not have them anymore. Why had he ever allowed Tony to make him feel safe?

The worst part was even if he tried he couldn't just stop caring about Tony. It would've been easier in Jotunheim, there was no Tony in Jotunheim, but in this house, Tony was right there. He was sitting only feet away from him and even if they no longer shared a room, he could only be a few rooms away at any given time. Was he even strong enough to go back to being alone even for Tony's sake when he was that close to him?

He really wished he could talk to someone. Right now, he missed Blyster even more than he always did. He used to tell his brother everything. He would certainly have the answer to his problem if he were here now, but if wishing his brother was there was enough to bring him back, he would've never been gone in the first place. 

He put his hands over his face in frustration. That was it then. There was no one else he trusted to listen to his problems. There were two and one was dead and the other wasn't an option. Maybe this really was his fate. Everything in his life always showed him he was meant to be alone. Why fight that when it was obvious what the world wanted for him?

He sighed. He wished he could trust Amaya, though he supposed she was just more proof that he was destined for isolation. He thought back to his last dream and the thought of everyone he loved around him picking at their flowers. Everyone was gone.

Loki slowly removed his hands from his face. He thought back to all the faces in his dream and everyone who was there. More specifically, he thought about two faces that weren't there. There was someone he could talk to about his problems. He'd never talked to them before but this was important enough to warrant an exception and he knew without a shadow of a doubt he could trust them. He needed to call his parents.

His master plan only had one flaw. There was only one person in the house who could get in contact with them, and that was Amaya. So, the real question was, how was he going to get to Amaya's room? He could wait until Tony woke up and injure himself, that would work but there was a quicker way to get to her even if it wasn't going to be easy.

Well, he'd practiced walking all this time. He eventually had to use the skill in a practical way, and there was no time like the present. He was so grateful that he'd pushed his body so hard before even against Tony's protests. If he hadn't he'd have no chance of this succeeding now.

He'd have to hug the wall the whole way there. While he had no doubt the cane Tony made him worked, this wasn't the time to be trying something new, well more new than what he was already doing. He needed to be quick and efficient. He didn't have time to adjust to the new aid.

He took a long deep breath as he prepared himself. It was just like practice. All he was doing was walking on the wall like he always did, except this time he was going twice the distance, he was tired, and there would be no Tony to catch him if he fell. Just like practice.

He slowly lifted himself up. The first part was the easy part. He kept his eyes on Tony the entire time. Every time Tony breathed differently Loki paused in his ascent. He barely breathed himself as he got to his feet. It felt like a small eternity had already passed by the time Loki finally got to his feet but he was on his way. He was up, now he just had to go.

He made his way around the room and towards the door leading out to the rest of the house. He kept trying to tell himself it was just like practice, just like practice, and in principal it was but he had been unable to use his muscles for a long time and while he was doing all he could to fix it the damage was severe. It was tiring just to get this far. Still, he would push on in his mission.

He was grateful the hinges didn't squeak as he opened the door and exited into the hallway. He was on the clock. He only had so long before his body gave out from the effort of his trip but when he reached the hallway, he still had to take a second to marvel and look around.

Ever since he collapsed, he'd been surrounded by the exact same four walls every single day. The closest he got to a new environment was when he smashed his head against the window and moved to the wall. There was a time he simply wouldn't care. Old environment, new environment, it simply didn't matter, it was all the same. Except... Suddenly, it wasn't. 

He quickly recollected himself. It was nice to be somewhere different but he didn't come out here for a pleasure trip. He put as much of his weight against the wall as he could and made his way towards Amaya's room.

It was hard. One of the consequences of never seeing the rest of the house was that he forgot just how long this hallway was. Walking the length of it would take seconds if he was fully capable. His legs wanted to give up when he reached halfway. It was so frustrating. They hurt so much, but that was fine. Loki could handle some pain.

He grit his teeth together and continued on. He couldn't help the voice in his head that berated him for being weak, but he didn't listen to it. He worked hard for this, he'd fought for this. He was strong. He could do this. He was making it. He felt stupid saying it to himself over and over again, but every time he said it he still managed to take another step forward.

He felt his left knee buckle but he grunted as he fought to keep himself up. He was only a few yards away. He could see Amaya's door. He kept dragging himself, one foot in front of the other. He didn't have to make it that much farther. His legs were shaking uncontrollably. Everything hurt so much he wanted to cry out in pain but he just needed to make it a few more feet. He just needed to keep-

His right knee buckled and as it did, Loki grunted as his body collapsed to the floor. He looked up in frustration. He wanted to scream. He was so close! Amaya's door was right there but he couldn't reach it from where he currently was. He grit his teeth. Fine, his legs didn't want to work? Then he didn't need them.

He reached out, digging his forearm into the ground as he pulled himself forward against his limbs' will. He was panting. Each breath was a fire in his lungs but he was so close! He wasn't giving up! He pulled himself forward again gritting his teeth against the urge to scream. One more time and he would be there. He repeated the motion one final time, bringing his body painfully forward until finally, he made it.

The sound of him knocking on her door startled Amaya out of her sleep. She shot up in her bed looking around frantically before she realized where the sound was coming from. She glanced out of the window on the other side of the room. It was still dark outside, why was Tony at his door! The banging continued, just as hurried as before. It made her anxious how urgent he was being. If he was this insistent maybe it was a problem with Loki.

She quickly threw the covers off of herself as fast as she could and stumbled out of her bed and towards the door. Her vision was still blurry and she could barely navigate the way through her bedroom. This better be something important, she was tired. She threw open the door expecting to see Tony but when she looked, the hallway was empty.

"Down... here..."

Amaya turned her gaze downwards in surprise, not even believing her eyes.

"Loki?"

He was panting heavily, stretched out on the floor in a heap. He looked terrible. How was he even here? Amaya immediately bent down and picked him up. Suddenly she wasn't tired anymore. She grunted as Loki put all his weight on her. He was heavy and the effort she had to put forth to carry both of them in the room was staggering, but from the way he looked, she couldn't exactly blame him.

He groaned in pleasure when his body hit the bed. The mattress was so soft and comfortable. He forgot how soft and comfortable beds were. He hadn't actually been in a bed since he first collapsed. All he'd had was the floor. Compared to that, this was amazing but with that comfort, he could feel the urge to close his eyes strengthen to almost unbearable numbers.

"Floor."

"Loki you're tired, you should-"

"No!"

He could barely get out the desperate fear-filled word but he managed it. Amaya looked concerned and terrified. Despite his current feelings towards her he couldn't exactly blame her. From her perspective, this must've looked quite bad. Despite all of that though, if he fell asleep while he was here, he was going to go insane and his only chance at getting help before Stark woke up would be gone.

"Floor."

He tried his best to get his emotions back under control. He kept his voice as calm and neutral as possible but he could see she was still concerned. Luckily for him, she didn't need to be told a third time. Amaya quickly grabbed him and put both of them on the floor. She sat by him and waited as he caught his breath, twiddling her thumbs as she did her best to not look like she was watching him recover.

It took him a while to get his breathing back under control, longer than he would've liked. His legs still hurt but he wouldn't worry about that now. When he turned to the window he was grateful to see it was still dark outside. He turned back to Amaya to see her looking at him expectantly and he realized now was the time to finally tell her why he was here. He made it all the way here, now came the hard part.

It felt strange, being hesitant to ask Amaya something. Before he could ask her for anything, he knew that, even when he chose not to. Even now he never worried about asking her to do things like healing him. He simply didn't have to, that was her job. No matter how she felt about him she had to do it, but this was different.

Letting him call his parents was extremely suspicious and risky. Under normal circumstances he would never burden his parents with his problems, they worried about him enough as it was. If they became suspicious because of the call and discovered that Loki was practically incapacitated or worse, if they realized that he'd lost his magic, the consequences for such things would be dire.

Still, even if that weren't a problem, letting him call his parents would still be risky. They'd all been told right before they left, only the attendants were to have any contact with the monarchs for the duration of this trip. Letting Loki call them was a direct violation of his parents' orders. There was so much risk involved with this plan but as his attendant, as the person responsible for making sure he was ok, and as the person who let him call them against their orders, if any trouble came from this, the blame would be placed on her.

She had every reason to say no. In fact, she had no true reason to say yes. The only reason she had to help him was that he needed it if that even mattered to her. If that ever mattered to her. In all this time since their fight, he'd never actually had to rely on her for something that she didn't actually have to give him, that it wasn't in her job to do. She could say no, she could doom him all on a whim and she would be within her rights to do so. He was completely at her mercy and he hated it, but he didn't have a choice otherwise. All he could do was try.

"I need you to do something for me."

She immediately looked concerned at his tone. 

"What is it?"

"I need to call my parents."

Complete silence fell over the room for one second, two seconds, three seconds until her eyes finally went wide as she stared at him. She kept waiting for him to finish his statement but he didn't continue. He wasn't going to add anything on, he wasn't joking.

"Loki you know you can't call them. You're not supposed to have any contact with them until the wedding."

"I know that but I need to talk to them."

"Loki what's going on? What's wrong?"

"I... Something has happened and I need to talk about it."

"Why can't you talk to Tony about it?"

"Tony is the problem."

Amaya's face skipped straight past angry and settled on something simply murderous. It was quite impressive considering that Amaya was not a very intimidating person, Loki had never thought of her as scary in his entire life and yet, despite knowing no battle magic, she managed to look extremely deadly in that moment.

"Did he hurt you? Did he do something to you because I'll-"

"No! No, he didn't do anything he did nothing wrong! Stark didn't cause the problem I just... It's just..."

He could see the look of concern and confusion on her face as she tried to understand what was going on. He wished, he desperately wished he could still trust her. He missed her so much. She was his best friend. He wanted to give in and tell her everything but he couldn't do that. She wasn't safe. He pushed the thought away.

"I need to talk to someone. Something has happened and I'm not sure if I'll be ok if I don't talk about it."

"You can talk to me about it."

"Someone I trust."

Amaya looked away in shame but she didn't look the least bit surprised. Loki pretended not to be affected by it. She was a traitor, she betrayed him.

"Ok."

He looked up at her in surprise.

"Really?"

She gave a long tired sigh.

"If that's what you need, that's what you need. I just need to find a way to do it so you and I both won't get in trouble."

He stared at her in utter disbelief. He'd hoped that she would say yes but still... Didn't she know how dangerous this was? Why was she helping him?

"This is a very dangerous idea."

"I know."

"We could both get in a lot of trouble if we get caught."

"I know."

"You would really do this for me?"

"I would do anything for you Loki, I've told you that before."

He stared for a few seconds trying to make sense of it all. If she noticed his confusion she didn't comment on it as she kept trying to figure out how they were going to make this work.

"How are we going to do this? We have to be careful. If they suspect something is wrong with you or worse, that you don't have your magic, they're going to ask questions."

So she did know the risk. She did know the severity and she still said yes to it. Why?

"I have no reason to use my magic. There is no real reason for them to see it's missing at all. As for them thinking something is wrong with me, the solution to that problem is currently all around us."

Amaya looked around the room, expecting to see some kind of magical solution but she couldn't see anything. It was too dark.

"Darkness. You want to talk to them in the dark."

"Yes. It is still night. In the day they'd obviously be able to see the signs that I'm not ok, but in the night, they won't be able to tell."

"What if they question that? Why would you be talking to them in the dark?"

It was a fair point. It would seem suspicious if he stayed in the dark the whole time and didn't let them see his face unless...

"Unless I tell them I stole the device you use to call them. If I say I snuck into your room and took it and I'm hiding and talking to them, they'd be forced to understand why I was being dodgy."

"Well yeah but then all the blame for this would go to you."

"If that's what has to happen, so be it."

She didn't look like she loved the idea, to be honest, he didn't either. Still, what other choice did they have? He could see her trying to think of another one, trying to find a way to pull this off without him being punished for it but nothing was coming to mind. She was going to have to let this one go. He would be punished for this alone. She sighed.

"The device is in my dresser, top drawer. Where do you want to do this?"

Doing it in her room didn't make sense when he had supposedly stolen the device from her. Doing it back in his room was a no-go too. He couldn't imagine the fear of Tony waking up and catching him in the middle of this conversation. He couldn't risk that. So that only really left one spot.

"The living room."

Amaya looked skeptical.

"Are you sure?"

"What other choice do I have?"

He had a point. She sighed.

"Ok. Finish resting. Once you feel a bit better I'll help you get there."

"We only have a limited amount of time to do this."

"You can spare an hour. Rest. I'll get you to the living room."

Amaya was about to turn away to give him some time to recuperate but just before she did, he caught her arm, a desperate look in his eyes as he held on to her imploring her not to go.

"Don't let me fall asleep."

She didn't respond. She just nodded as he relaxed and released his hold and carefully let his body sink to the floor. It was hard staying awake. He felt like she had to nudge him every two seconds just to keep him up but she did and he managed to stay conscious despite his exhaustion. In a way, it was lucky that calling his parents was so incredibly stressful. It was going to be the only thing keeping his eyes open while he talked to them.

It felt like a small eternity before his time for rest was up but he knew it wasn't. She was right, it was still plenty dark outside but he felt like he'd melted into the floor by then. Getting him up was a challenge for both of them. Moving him was even harder. At first, Amaya tried to carry the vast majority of his weight for him but he refused to let her help him any more than strictly needed.

"You don't need to carry me Amaya I am not a child."

"Just shut up and take the help."

She rolled her eyes in exasperation but she let him take more of his own weight. He regretted it almost immediately. He really didn't feel all that much better, even despite everything and the pain was intense. Still, he wasn't about to let himself be carried no matter how tired he was. He could deal with it, it wouldn't kill him in the end.

The journey to the living room wasn't much longer than the one to Amaya's room. Luckily for him, his room was the closest to the living room and this time he had some support on the way. Still, it wasn't easy. If time and his pride weren't factors in all this he would've simply collapsed in the middle of the hallway before they even got there but he didn't have time for such things.

When they finally got there, she set him down on the couch. He folded his legs under himself and waited as she set the device down on the living room table. It was a very simple device, a small silver sphere with no discernable features to it whatsoever. 

"Where did we get these from?"

"The humans. I think Tony made it. It lets you see a projected picture of the person you're talking to while you speak to them. It's actually pretty neat."

The second he heard that Tony made it, it made him see the little device in a whole new light. It wasn't even the size of an orange and yet it could do so much. Kinda like Tony himself though he was sure he wouldn't be so happy about the analogy.

He was right about the anxiety. He still felt just as exhausted as he did before but with what he was about to do, suddenly, it didn't feel as important. Despite the extreme discomfort residing in his legs, despite everything that was about to happen, and despite how anxious it was all making him together, every spare thought he could give still kept going to Tony.

"There's a button on the top. If you press it, it'll call your parents' device. If one of them is there they'll answer it. The device stays in your father's study so it will probably be him who picks up."

He looked at the little device gravely. He was here. It was the moment of truth. All he had to do was press it. 

"Loki, if you don't want to do this-"

"I need to do this."

She didn't look too happy about all of it, but she nodded in understanding anyways. If he said this was what he needed to do, then this was what he needed to do. She knew he wouldn't be doing it unless he had to. 

"I have to go back to my room. If they see me your cover will be blown. Good luck."

"Thank you."

She left back down the hallway the same way she came. He watched her all the way until she wasn't in sight anymore and he couldn't delay the inevitable anymore. She was gone, and the device was here. It was time. He took a deep breath. 

He leaned forward and found the button at the top, barely visible even from close up, and with a final burst of nervousness, he forced himself to press it. He didn't have to worry if anyone would be there right now. It was very, very early, but that wouldn't make a difference. He would be there.

Laufey's eyes immediately cut sharply to the small silver device on his table. He was in the middle of drafting replies to complaints from nearby settlements. What time was it? It was too early for Amaya to be calling him, was something wrong?

He pulled the little ball in front of him and sighed. Whatever it was if she was calling at this hour it would probably demand his attention. He pressed the button and leaned back in his chair, doing his best to prepare for whatever she had to say. When the device connected he didn't see anything. That was strange this thing always worked. He held it up to his ear and heard the small mechanical hum that indicated it was on but for some reason he still couldn't see Amaya.

"Amaya? I can't see you. There must be something wrong with this device."

"I believe it is working perfectly well."

Laufey paused. He squinted at the device. He knew that voice. He raised that voice.

"Loki?" There was no response. He picked the device up and shook it slightly, willing it to show him a picture. "Loki is that you?"

There was a slight pause from the other side before finally

"Hello, father."

Chapter Text

"Loki what is the meaning of this? Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm not hurt." Loki watched as Laufey slowly returned to his seat, suspicion and confusion still in his eyes as he tried to pick up on the nonexistent image of his son. "I have a question."

"Why are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Loki you are my son. I know when you're controlling your voice."

Loki glared at the image of his father even if he knew it couldn't be seen. He drew in a slow breathe of air and pushed it out through his nose annoyed. Why did his parents always see though him quicker than anybody? He dropped some of the pretense and let a bit of the exhuastion he felt creep into his voice.

"Do I sound better?"

"You sound tired. Have you been sleeping?"

What a question. "Amaya would've told you if I wasn't."

"Amaya would tell us only if you didn't tell her not to."

"You beleive I'm having her lie?"

"I beleive you'd do anything possible to make sure we weren't worrying about you more than we already do, including telling Amaya to lie."

Loki pursed his lips. He hadn't spoken to his parents in so long, he forgot just how much they noticed things. "I have not asked Amaya to lie about my sleep patterns."

Laufey's face didn't change from its calm analytical gaze towards the dark space where his son was but he didn't look he totally believed him either. "What's wrong?"

"Why do you assume something is wrong?"

"You're calling us on a stolen device in the middle of the morning when you should be asleep."

Loki's eye twitched in annoyance at the emphasis on the last word.

"If I promise to go to sleep after we're done here do you promise to stop harrasing me about it?"

"Yes I will."

"I promise on the stars the moons and the desserts I will sleep after this conversation is finished."

Laufey nodded, satisfied. "Now let's hear the reason for this call. I doubt you did this just for social reasons."

"You would be angry with me if I did."

"I would. While it wasn't my favorite decision we all agreed that none of us would talk to our respective children and yet here I am breaking a treaty that the ink hasn't even fully dried on yet."

"Are you mad at me already?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you would not call us if it wasn't important."

Laufey sat back patiently. He was done speaking. He wanted to hear this reason that was so crucial it made his son who usually abhorred the word help call him in the middle of the morning.

"You may not think it's very important." Laufey just continued to wait, hands folded neatly in his lap as he leaned back in his chair patiently. Loki sighed again. "I have run into... I suppose you could say I have run into a bit of a road block with bonding with Stark."

One curious eyebrw raised on his father's face. "Really? I was under the impression that you and Tony were getting along."

"We are."

"Then what is the problem?"

"I... I don't think-" Loki stopped and forced himself to take a deep breath. What was he doing? What was wrong with him? He needed to just spit it out it was too late for all this hesitation. His father's face had already gone from one of interest to one of complete concern at the way his son was acting. He needed to get a grip. "Things are going well and I am simply worried that... I..."

The words left him as quickly as they came. What did he say? How could he explain this? How could he sum up a years worth of hate and betrayal and anger and forgivenenss and trust and love in a sentence without having to tell his father any of it? He was so confused. He opened his mouth to try again but every time his tried to words failed. What was wrong with him!

"Have you ever had to tell someone something and you... worried they may not like you after."

It felt so silly and childish. His cheeks bruend with shame.

"Yes."

Loki stopped and stared at his dad for a moment. "What happened?"

"Back before you were born when the war first started I knew I had to serve and if I had to serve in a war I helped agree to start, it didn't feel right to do so from the back. I wanted to go to the front but I knew if I told your mother that she would be angry with me for doing such a thing. I was completely torn. It was between serving what I thought was my duty to my people, and potentially losing my best friend and someone who I loved very, very much."

"So what did you do?"

"I told her. I told your mother I wanted to go to the front lines, I told her I was scared to tell her, I told her I was worried she would stop loving me as her friend over it but it was something I felt I had to do."

"And... She was ok with it?"

Laufey laughed. "Have you met your mother? No she was very far from ok with it. She was angry with me for many months after that."

"For leaving to go to war?"

"For that, and for thinking she would stop loving me if I left and went to war." Loki sat back for a second in stunned silence. "Son, your mother loves me, and I her. We always have had love for each other. She didn't want me to go to the front lines, she thought it was a horrible decision, but she knew if that's what I thought I needed to do then I needed to do it."

"You almost died becasue of that."

"Yes and when I got back your mother was the first in line to want to heal me and she still loved me. Son, when you have to tell people things in life, even people who you love, even people who you are scared of leaving, you should tell them. If they love you, they will stay even if what you have to say doesn't make them happy. That's how love works. It is too strong to be so easily dismissed."

"What if... What if you're not sure the person loves you?"

Laufey stared for along moment. "Did you fall in love with them?"

"I... I don't know. I don't know if I want to have fallen in love."

Laufey stared at the darkness for a few seconds before he leaned back and shook his head. "You're not in love. Not the kind you're thinknig of, anyways. A type of love but not the kind you beleive."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You wouldn't have to wonder about that kind of love. True romantic love is hard to fake and hard to dismiss. You would know if that is what it truly was."

"So what is it then?"

"I don't know son. You'll have to figure that out for yourself. And then you'll have to decide if you want to stop it there or if you want to let it grow into the kind of love you beleive it to be."

"Do you think I should?"

"Why shouldn't you."

"He'll be gone by the end of this trip anyways."

"Does that mean you can't love him?"

"Of course I can't. It doesn't make sense. I can't love him once I'm gone, I can't continue to act like this once I'm back home. The ways I've acted here, the habits I've formed here... They are not sustainable at home. Back in Jotunheim such sentiments and cares would get me killed."

His father nodded for a second. "Son, on your first day on Midgard when we were speaking do you remeber what you said to me about Stark?"

"I said that I couldn't promise to love him. I couldn't even promise to try to love him."

"Do you think you can promise that now?"

"I... There's no point father this relationship we're forming isn't sustainable outside of here and I dont want to regret-"

"You will regret not letting yourself love him in whatever capactiy your heart tries to, I promise you Loki. You will simply have to trust me on this. Promise me."

"That I will love him?"

"That you will not dismiss what you feel for him."

Loki thought about it for a second. Love. His father was asking him to try to love Tony. He scoffed. He already managed to do that and he hadn't even been trying. He actively tried not to for a lot of this trip and yet... here he was... and to his great surprise, it didn't feel all that bad. It actually in many ways felt pretty nice.

It was nice having someone to be there for him. It was even nice to have someone to have a crush on again even if what he had for Tony greatly exceeded that by now. But it wasn't worth it. It couldn't be. But... but...

"Do you promise Loki?"

"Do I have to?"

"No. I will not make you. But if you do, you won't regret it."

"How do you know?"

"Just take my word for it on this one."

Loki narrowed his eyes at his father suspiciously. He was up to something. He was planning something, he just knew it but he couldn't quite figure out what. But he had stalled long enough.

"I... I can try for a little while. But if I hate it I will stop."

Laufey chuckled. "Once you start you will not want to stop son, trust me."

"But that doesn't answer my question. What do I do about this thing I want to tell him?"

"You tell him."

"And if he leaves me for it?"

"Does me love you?"

"How would I know if he did? He wouldn't exactly say it."

"You can say you love somebody many times without saying a single word. The girl you protected back when you were young, she did not have all speak did she?"

"No."

"If you told her you loved her she would've never known you'd said it."

"No... I suppose she wouldn't."

"Do you think she knew you loved her?"

"Yes."

"How did she know?"

"Well becasue I stayed with her and... and took care of her and I... and I made sure she felt loved and happy..."

Loki stared out into nothing as things began to click and connect and he stared out in shock and embarrasment. He was so dense.

"Do you think Stark loves you?"

Loki stared at his father, shocked and suspicious. 

"Just how much has Amaya been telling you in those reports."

"Enough. Not as much as you think but enough for me to draw some conclusions. I have lived a bit longer than you Loki. I can see some things you can't yet."

"So that's just it then? I let myself love him until he is ripped apart from me?"

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Isn't that what the humans say." Loki kept staring but Laufey didn't relent. "You will simply have to trust me on this one Loki. Can you trust me?"

"You know I do."

"You will not regret loving him. If you two hate each other again by the time this is all over, you will still not regret loving him."

"Why not?"

"Becasue at least then you will know your heart is still capable of love for others. You will know you are not a monster."

Loki stared at his father for a long, long moment hoping for more answers. He had so, so many questions he wasn't sure if he could even fit them all into words.

"But what if I-"

"Loki?"

Loki's eyes went wide in fear as he quickly shut off the device and hid it behnd him under the pillows. He'd have to apologize to his father later.

"Loki are you out here?"

Tony walked around the corner, still yawning and wiping the sleep from his eyes even as he stared out at where Loki was sitting in the livingroom with concern. He was squinting through the darkness, he could clearly barely see but he still managed to find him in spite of it.

"Good morning sleepy head." Tony looekd around slightly as if he couldn't believe he was in the livingroom. "Come out here just for the scenery?"

"You were snoring too loud."

Tony chuckled. "No that can't be it. My snores sound awesome. Scoot over."

Loki did, making room on the couch for Tony to sit too. It felt so weird being here and not in their room. Something about it felt viscerally wrong and much more vulnerable than he would've liked but he caled himself down reminding himself the only other two occupants of the house were in their rooms. 

"You wanna talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Whatever made you decide to come sit in the dark by yourself in the middle of the morning. And don't say my snoring."

Loki chuckeld slightly. Nothing in this situation was funny. He had to try. It didn't mean it would be perfect but he had to try.

"I... I think I may have had a few more problems last night than I let on."

"Oh? Do you want to tell me about them?"

"No, I've just had them figured out. I don't need help anymore."

"Oh, ok."

Loki chuckeld at how confused Tony looked but he didn't offer up any explanation. Some things were just meant to stay with him. He looked down. Tony's hand was sitting casually on one of his legs. Loki's heart beat twice as fast in his chest. He couldn't beleive something so small could make him feel so scarerd.

At least that way you'll know your heart is still capable of love.

Was his heart still capable of love? It was too much of a fairytale. It couldn't be true. Loki slowly reached over and took Tony's hand in his and threaded their fingers together gently. He cheeks may as well have been neon, he felt like such a child but he didn't take his hand away as he sat and silently waited for Tony's response.

Tony looked down in surprise when he first felt Loki touching his hand. He kept trying to meet Loki's eyes but Loki looked everywhere but his face. He left room in his grip, enough room for Tony to pull his hand away easily if he wanted to. Quite the contrary, Tony closed his hand around Loki's and they sat there, hands tightly woven together in each other.

He looked out of the window on the far side of the room with a squint when he felt light and warmth slowly start to enter the room and as he sat there feeling Loki's hand in his he got an idea.

"Come with me. I want to show you something."

Tony stood up and quickly pulled Loki to his feet. He looked a lot less than certain but he got up slowly and allowed Tony to take almost all of his weight. He still hadn't healed from the walk out here. He wasn't sure where all this strength was coming from but he supposed it was best not to question it.

Tony practiclly had to carry him but it was clear to Loki where they were going. Tony reached forward and opened the door to the house, leading them both outside. It was a crisp morning, and very beautiful. Loki almost forgot how beautiful it truly was out in this part of the house. He helped him down so he was sitting down on ths steps and slowly sat down next to him. They were practically thigh to thingh. Their hands were still intertwined.

"I think I might love you."

Tony gave his hand a small reassuring squeeze.

"I think I might love you too."

Loki turned and stared in shock. He tried and tried to meet Tony's eye but now it was his turn to look away. He'd had his suspicions while he was talking to his father but having it confirmed...

"You're not sure?"

Tony shook his head. "And you're not either." It wasn't a question, Tony knew he didn't know for sure. "You know I think it's been about a year since we came here."

Loki chuckled. "I think you may be right."

"So I suppose today is an anniversary."

"Of what? The first time I tried to kill you?"

Tony laughed. "I guess if that's what you want to remember it as."

Loki laughed to. He laughed and he let himself relax if only a little bit, becasue Tony was here and he didn't know why he couldn't explan it but for some reason that made everything feel ok.

"Happy Anniversary."

"Happy Anniversary Loki."

"So what do we do now?"

Tony leaned back slightly. "We watch the sunrise."

Loki turned and looked. The light was slowly rising, bringing warmth to everything around them. Loki slid over, closing the little gap there was between them and placed his head on Tony's shoulder. If he hasked later he would just blame his exhuastion but Tony didn't seem to mind in the least having him lay on him. The two sat together watching the sunrise and watching as it signaled the start of a new day.

"Laufey you've been up for hours now you must come to rest-"

Andora stopped at the sight of her husband turning the communication device round and round in his hands as he stared at it with interest.

"What is it? Did Amaya call with a transmission?"

"No. Our son did." Andora stared in disbeleif, face going from fear to concern in a second. "If it were an emergency you know I would've told you."

"Yes but it is still hard not to worry. Loki wouldn't normally do such a thing. Is everything alright? Is he ok?"

"He is better than ok, apparently. Our son is currently off on Alfheim, falling in love."

Laufey chuckled as Andora stared at him as if he'd grown a third head right in front of her very eyes.

"He's falling in love?"

"Yes."

"With Tony?"

"Yes. It appears they're getting along a bit better than we may have expected."

Andora stared in disbeleif. This felt like it had to be a dream. "I would've settled for them not killing each other but love... Are you sure?"

"Oh trust me. It is not quite clear to him but it is quite obvious to me though it is only in the beginning stages."

"What do you think will happen?"

"I'm not sure. Only time will tell, the rest of what happens is up to them."

She still couldn't beleive it. Andora's face softened slightly as a smile spread across her face. Her Loki, falling in love. She had never dared to dream for such a thing although she wanted to so, so much. But here it was. His son was ok, he was thriving even. He was actually falling in love. Andora caught Laufey's eye and they both smiled softly, knowing they were both thinking about the same thing.

"So should we allow him to remain there then? If we pull him away too early we may ruin this for him."

Laufey's brow creased with concern again as he was brought back to reality. "I don't want to ruin this either, but I still don't like the thought of those threats made by the people."

"Let the people threaten them. He will end them if they try to hurt him."

Laufey considered his wife's words, still worried. On the one hand it was justa regualr threat Loki had recieved more of those than Laufey cared to count over the years but becasue of that, they were hardly worth worrying about anymore. He was stronger than that and besides the words of the citizens were just that, words. But something felt different about this. He wasn't sure what but something just felt different and he couldn't place what. It was making him more anxious. Something was wrong. Laufey came out of his thoughts when he felt his wife put a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

"We cannot allow our fears to jeporadize Loki's future, especially with what's coming."

Laufey stared in concern but nodded after a few seconds. "We can't. We have to allow him to stay." Andora nodded.

"The wedding is in two months. They can have two more months alone to themselves."

Laufey sighed. "And after that?"

"After that, then he can know what all of this was for."

Chapter Text

Tony felt Loki shift on his shoulder. He tensed, holding as still as possible but a few seconds later Loki settled again. Tony released his breath. He'd fallen asleep still laying on him only a few minutes before. He'd seen him fighting it but he could tell he needed the rest.

He wouldn't let him stay out for long, but he figured a few minutes of closing his eyes would probably do him good. Still, Tony was sure he'd have to wake him up soon. Peaceful or not he knew Loki wouldn't like the idea of falling asleep somewhere so open, but it would be ok for now. That was good because it gave Tony time to think.

The prince of Jotunheim, an outcast in his own land and a deeply guarded individual who was considered by all who met him to be rude, self-centered, and unironically cold was scared he was in love with him. He didn't even know what to say.

Equally as surprising as that, Tony, the one who a year ago would've rather punched him in the face than help him up was afraid he might feel the same way. Tony didn't know what to say to that either.  Was he really, truly in love? It was hard to say.

How would he even know? He'd felt a lot of things for a lot of people, attraction, annoyance, lust, those things he knew very well but love? How do you even identify that? How do you even define it? He didn't know what he felt, much less how he felt about it and if this was the way he reacted to all of this... well... Tony looked down at the other prince still sleeping on his shoulder. 

They could both just ignore it, pretend they never felt anything in the first place. The very thought made his heart constrict in his chest, but maybe that was for the best. They'd both been talking about how they were going to be apart sooner rather than later, how any relationship they formed here would never be sustainable outside of this space. They both knew it was coming. Why start something so immediately doomed to fail?

Tony was brought from his thoughts by the feeling of Loki slowly starting to stir. Well, for now, he could only really take it moment by moment. Might as well act normal.

"Morning sleeping beauty."

The glare he got for his latest nickname might've been menacing if they weren't in the position they were currently in and the fact that their hands were still tightly intertwined between them. Loki groaned as he slowly started to pick his head up.

"Does my actual name not suit me well enough for you Stark?"

"Your name suits you fine."

"Then why do you insist on never calling me by it?"

"You never call me by my name."

"Is Stark not your name?"

"I don't know Laufeyson, is it?"

Loki took in a long dramatic breathe and slowly let it all the way out.

"Fine. Is this better Anthony?"

"You just can't call me Tony can you?"

He felt the side of Loki's lips lift up in a trademark smirk. It felt nice. Everything was so confusing, it was nice to sit back and joke and just pretend to be normal. He didn't want to break the spell but they had a few things to discuss and they were too important to be put off anymore.

"So do you want to tell me who you were talking to this morning?"

"No."

"Ok. Do you want to tell me what you were talking about?"

There was a moment of hesitation. Loki sat, trying to decide if he wanted to explain what had been so bad it made him drag himself to the living room early in the morning. Tony gently rubbed his finger across the back of his knuckle while he waited.

"About what I told you..."

"About you possibly loving me?" He felt Loki go stiff as a board next to him and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I also think I love you Lokes. We're in the same boat here for once."

He took a deep breath slowly doing his best to let the tension he felt seep all the way out of his body but some of it was still there. Tony just kept rubbing his hand and waiting for Loki to get himself together as they stared out at the animals enjoying the nature around them.

"I am not sure if it is wise to try to love you."

"Because we'll be apart soon?

“Because everyone I love dies or leaves me.” Tony gently squeezed Loki's hand again. It was the only real gesture of reassurance he could give him right now, but he still knew it wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough compared to that level of trauma. "You will have to leave me too. It is inevitable. What's the point in loving you?"

"What did the person you were talking to say?"

"They said I should let myself feel whatever I feel for you and allow it to grow."

"Do you want to do that?"

"I... No? I don't..." Loki stopped and started a few more times before he sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't want to do that. The idea of doing so, of letting myself care that much for you just to watch you be ripped from me is... unsettling. I don't want to feel that feeling again."

"Ok. Do you want to avoid me and pretend you feel nothing for the rest of the time we're here instead?"

There was a short pause before Loki slowly shook his head no.

"I don't love the thought of that either. I want to know what it's like. I don't think I'll have another opportunity like this. I don't think... I will never find another who means as much to me as you do. If this is my only chance to know, I want to know what it feels like to be loved like this, to love someone like this myself."

"You'll find someone else who can love you eventually."

Loki shook his head again. "The chances of something like this ever happening again are astronomically low Stark. Even if I did find another person worthy of my love one day, look at everything that had to happen just for me to trust you and we are in the safest most relaxing stress-free environment possible. I don't think I would find anyone else. I don't think I will love anyone else ever again."

"You can't just give up like that."

"I have no reason to hope. I will never have such a chance again. The thought alone makes me want to take this chance. I'm also not sure if I want to pretend as though I feel nothing for you. I don't know what I feel but I feel a lot of it, for you. I don't want that to be a bad thing.

"I want to feel something for you. for anybody, and it not feel dangerous or stupid or irresponsible but I just can't because it's temporary. You're temporary. Every good feeling I've felt here, every smile, every laugh, it's all temporary and I knew it was temporary when I started to care but I still didn't stop myself. And maybe I'm simply the fool for having let myself care so much in the first place."

Tony held on as tight as he could to the hand he was holding trying to force some level of permanence to this situation, but he couldn't. He didn't have the ability to. So he did the only other thing he really could.

"I'm so sorry Loki."

"You have nothing to apologize to me for Stark. You have done more for me than I think any other person in all the realms would do. You have taught me things I will always cherish and miss even when I cannot utilize them."

"But you still can't utilize them."

The two let silence reign again. Over across the field, the smaller animals were drinking from the pond. It was such a beautiful scene, it was such a beautiful day, but it still couldn't touch the mood of the two men sitting across from it as they tried their best to silently comfort each other.

"Hey, Lokes."

"Hm?"

"Say we were different people...

"Better people..."

"Better people... What do you think we'd do right now?"

"You mean if we were just two normal people?"

"Yeah. If we were normal people and we met and we somehow ended up right here right now and we were having this conversation about what to do, what do you think we'd do?"

"We'd probably start to court."

Tony gently pulled Loki's hand until he finally looked at him.

"Do you think we'd be happy?"

Loki looked torn between leaning into the contact and leaning away. His eyes roamed all over Tony's face, looking for a sign, a hint as to what he should do.

"Yes."

Tony could see the unresolved war in his mind and he waited, hands still intertwined, and silently let Loki decide.

"Do you want to do this?"

In a moment so rarely seen, Tony looked into Loki's eyes, and all he saw was pure fear and desperation.

"Please don't hurt me."

Tony was about to respond but Loki leaned in and a second later his lips were on him and he decided, there wasn't anything else to talk about. Not for now at least. The kiss wasn't rushed, it was slow and gentle but Loki's mouth still moved hesitantly, almost wonderingly against his.

Tony let him set the pace to exactly what he wanted and he desperately wanted to pull him closer, wanted to have him in his arms, wanted to hold him, but this was too important, too perfect. He wouldn't risk ruining it.

He slowly let Loki indulge in all the love, all the care, all the passion he'd never been able to before and gave him every last bit of it back in equal measure, and the longer they continued the less hesitant Loki became and it only made Tony want to lean into him more. He pulled away for a second but immediately dove back in and Tony had absolutely no complaints. It was like he was metal and Loki was a magnet.

It was forever before they separated. Loki's breathe was surprisingly cold against his face. They were only inches apart from each other. Loki's face was several shades darker, pupils entirely dilated and Tony wasn't sure what he looked like but if the way Loki was looking at him was an indicator, it had to be about the same.

There was only a second more before Tony felt a hand in his hair pulling him gently back towards Loki. He finally pulled away again slightly, looking like a starved man finally getting a meal. Tony waited for his brain to unscramble as he slowly watched Loki try and fail several times to regain his composure as he slowly forced himself to back up again.

The two sat back for several seconds, both saying nothing as they caught their breath and tried to calm back down.

"Wow. I didn't know you could do that."

"I didn't either."

Loki moved a bit farther down on the bench away from Tony. He understood, he may have been the one controlling it but either way, that must have been overwhelming, but their hands stayed together on the bench between them. Tony tried to get some fresh air into his brain so he could think. As amazing as what they did just was, they still hadn't quite finished their conversation and Tony needed to while he still had brain cells.

"How do we do this? Does this mean we're... dating?"

Loki had to clear his throat a few times for his voice to come out normal. "No. I'm not sure either of us could handle such a label. We both just admitted we don't completely understand... all of this that's going on. I think it's better if we just explore and figure out our emotions before we put a name to something so new."

Tony nodded in agreement but with the adrenaline of everything finally starting to settle down, Loki looked completely torn once again. He placed his head down in his hands.

"What have I done?"

Tony moved over slightly and gently wrapped his arms around Loki. He froze for a second but relaxed a moment later leaning into Tony the smallest fraction of an inch. Tony sat there, holding him and letting him feel the full weight of his decision.

They didn't speak for the rest of the time out there. There was nothing more to say. Tony eventually brought them both inside once Loki started falling asleep against him again. He slowly set him down against the wall and stayed with him until he fell asleep. Their hands stayed interlocked together the entire time until Tony finally uncurled them, got up, and left the room.

Pepper answered the door only a few seconds after he knocked but when she saw him, she definitely looked more than surprised.

"Hey. I need you to do something for me."

"Ok, is this something you're asking me for as your friend or as your attendant?"

"Both."

Tony quickly pushed his way inside and closed the door behind him as he turned to Pepper. The seriousness on his face was clear. She didn't know what he was there for, but whatever it was it was important. She had no idea what to expect.

"I need you to write a formal proposal to my parents."

"A proposal for what?"

"I want Loki to stay on Earth if he should so choose after the wedding."

Pepper paused. A brief look of shock and disbelief covered her face before she quickly composed herself.

"That's not a small thing you're asking for Tony. Why would they do that? Why do you need Loki to be in the human kingdom after the wedding?"

"To continue forging our bond and practice cooperating in a more realistic setting. While the strides we have made here have been greatly beneficial to ensuring we have a long and peaceful union, the benefits of this exercise cannot be fully seen until we have the opportunity to apply them in day-to-day situations. It is, for this reason, I would like to formally request that Loki Laufeyson be allowed to stay in the human kingdom if he should so desire following our wedding- are you writing this down?"

Pepper closed her mouth finally and shook her head to restart it as she grabbed a pen and a piece of paper to begin writing out the very well-spoken letter Tony dictated out to her. They worked for hours with Tony meticulously reviewing every point the proposal should discuss and dictating exactly how he wanted certain parts to go, going back to edit some parts, and looking at Pepper's notes to make sure he got every point he wanted to across.

"You do know his parents would have to agree to this proposal too right? They'd also have to agree to let Loki stay on Earth and not return with them to Jotunheim."

"Draft a version for them too. Make it sound the exact same way but edit it according to Jotunheim policies and traditions and have it sent out to them."

"And if they ask why you're asking their son be sent there instead of you going to him?"

"Then tell them I'm just as willing to go to Jotunheim I don't care just as long... Just as long as it's taken care of."

Pepper looked suspiciously at Tony out of the side of her eye but Tony didn't see it. He was too busy thinking over everything else the proposal should say. It was too important. It had to be perfect.

It was noon before they were done. Pepper looked at the closed door where Tony had disappeared for a long moment after he left. She scoffed when she thought about it, shaking her head slowly. She wasn't fooled by the formal reason. She knew Tony was only doing this because he didn't want Loki to be apart from him but she didn't get why it mattered so much. What was going on around here? Tony comes to a cabin in the woods for a year and suddenly he's in a fairytale. Pepper sighed.

Well, she supposed it couldn't be helped. It was fine, this place was only temporary and all the crazy things that had come along with it were too. He'd break free of the spell once they reached home, she knew he would. That was why the second Tony left Pepper ripped up the notes she'd taken and threw them all away.

She looked at the door again curiously. What was going on between them really? They couldn't really like each other that much and Tony couldn't really believe that Loki was harmless, but then again he seemed pretty adamant when he came to the door. Actually, Pepper hadn't seen Tony take anything that seriously... ever actually unless it was inventing. It was just so different she knew something had to have happened.

Maybe Amaya had been telling the truth. Maybe Loki really did make Tony happy. Maybe they made each other happy. Pepper could admit that it was possible especially if Tony was going to these lengths for the other man. She had to stop them from killing each other when they first got here and now here they were dealing with this. She'd never seen her friend react this way to anyone in his life.

But still, Pepper looked at the notes for the proposal in the trash and she didn't take pick them up. That wasn't her job. Her job was to keep Tony safe and as happy as she was sure Loki made him, he still wasn't safe. There would be other people who would make him happy. He would be ok. So, with no intentions of looking back, Pepper grabbed her tablet again and didn't think anything of it again for the rest of the day.

Chapter Text

"Place the light elves here and keep them far away from the dwarves I will not have any fighting or political strife at my son's wedding."

"Well we can't avoid that entirely my lady, we're bringing all the realms together. Someone's going to fight somewhere."

"We can work to avoid it as much of it as possible. Put their party at this table. This table too."

Howard and Maria sat in front of a giant map of the event hall where both of the main ceremonies would be held with their top advisors pouring over where each of the delegates from the other realms should go. It wasn't the most fun thing to be doing, actually, it was long and tedious, but it was important. Seating everyone strategically was the family's best way to ensure the day went off as smoothly as possible.

If he was being honest with himself, Howard hated this type of nit-picking political crap. He more preferred the big, loud, fun parts of politics but this was important so he was there to yay or nay any decisions that required it. After all, it was his son's wedding. Mostly he sat back and let Maria take care of the more difficult decisions.

"Place the fire giants off to this side. I don't want them near the Jotun delegation."

"Ma'am, I thought the Jotun were allied with the fire giants."

"There was a situation apparently some millennia ago. We're not sure what it was but the Jotun monarchy is still quite unhappy with the leader of the fire giants. They maintain a political alliance and there should be no problems between their people but the monarchs of the respective groups should be kept as far away from each other as possible."

Maria saw one council member lean back in their chair exhasperated.

"They have such long lives and still find a way to hold petty grudges for all that time." 

"Was what happened between then really that bad my lady?"

"Apparently Laufey and Andora were very close to not allowing them to come to their son's wedding at all."

"They can't do that they're part of the realms just as anyone else. It would be a grave insult to exclude them."

"Yes, we already told them this. They have been invited and they will be attending I just want to ensure that we have as little in the way of trouble as possible."

Howard leaned back in thought. He wondered if there was a way to find out what happened. That could be very valuable information. Still, whatever it was it didn't affect the current situation. He'd have to wait until later to deal with it.

"What about the Asgardian delegation?"

The council members all shared a look.

"The Asgardians say they are currently in the midst of preparing for prince Thor's coronation. They are not sure if they will be able to attend."

Howard sat back even further. Maria's eyes narrowed. "They live hundreds of thousands of years and they aren't able to spare a day?"

The tone in Maria Stark's voice was very clear. The council shared more looks between each other but it was no use.

"They did say they would try and would send delegates in their place if-"

"This is currently the most significant wedding and political event in all the realms. Two kingdoms, two realms, are coming together to form a force so powerful it could threaten even them whether they'd like to admit it or not. I believe we deserve the respect of more than just a few delegates. Prince Thor can take a day from his coronation preparations to attend." 

"But my lady-"

"It will only be a day. If they don't send the appropriate people to come and celebrate my son's wedding, then we are afraid that we will be busy around the time of prince Thor's coronation and we will  have to assume that they do not value our current partnership with them."

The entire council stopped and stared at Maria.

"My lady that is quite a dangerous assumption, and to miss prince Thor's coronation, would be a huge insult-"

"And to miss my son's wedding is not? They need to remember who they are talking to. They may like to pretend we are only allies because of their boundless generosity, but they cannot act as though they do not need us just as much. They cannot and will not act as though they can openly disrespect us. We will not allow such behavior. They will be here and if they are not, Anthony will be on business during prince Thor's crowning and so will we."

The table all looked at Howard helplessly. He wasn't sure why. He wasn't going to help them. He shrugged looking less than impressed with the whole matter.

"You heard her, didn't you? Send our reply to Asgard."

They looked around helplessly and nodded at the two monarchs at the front of the room.

By the time Loki woke up, it was dark outside. Still, Tony was sitting across from him typing away on his tablet the same as he always was. It was all so familiar, back in the same old room on the same old wall with Tony across from him. Nothing about that was different, but the second he saw Tony he started to panic.

What had he done? Did he actually say all of those things outside? Why had he said such simple, foolish things? The decision had been so scary but it felt right at the time, but now that everything had settled down and the adrenaline had worn off, he couldn't feel any of the joy or the hope he'd felt earlier. All he could feel was fear.

He'd been so silly. He couldn't just appreciate what he'd had having Tony as a friend. Why couldn't he appreciate that? Why did he have to question that? This room, this wall, Stark, it had all become his version of comfort, but now, it no longer felt the same. It didn't feel right, it didn't feel safe.

Tony looked up from his tablet and suddenly he was looking at him and Loki's brain was on red alert. He knew. Tony knew how he felt and it made him want to run away. Logically he knew he was ok, even if Tony knew, he still wasn't going to do anything bad to him. He wasn't going to hurt him, he wasn't in any increased level of danger but even though he knew it was true he still felt scared. He couldn't calm down.

"Hey, Lokes."

He could feel himself emotionally regressing. Lessons he'd already learned, things Tony had worked so hard to teach him, he was now having to repeat in his head like a mantra. He was safe. No one was coming to hurt them. Tony wasn't going to hurt him. He wasn't going to be punished for showing emotion. He needed to breathe. 

He kept saying it to himself over and over again but it didn't sound true. He heard the familiar whisper in his mind telling him as he looked all around, defend, defend, defend...

Something was going to hurt him. He'd allowed himself to care, he should've known better. Something bad was going to happen. He'd put Tony and himself in danger. He slid his hands under his thighs to keep them still as he turned to the man in question who looked as calm as ever, but he'd noticed that he was in distress. Tony always noticed.

"Loki what's wrong?"

Tony reached forward but as soon as he did Loki pulled back away as far away as he could go and plastered himself against the wall. He wasn't in danger. Tony wasn't going to hurt him. Don't react. Tony wasn't going to hurt him, he kept repeating it.

He really needed to give Tony more credit and truly thank him one day for the way he cared. There would never be enough words or a big enough gesture for him to explain how it felt to have someone care and pay attention to him that much even for the small things, even for something as small as the way Tony moved back a bit and gave Loki more space when he needed it.

Loki felt the tightness in his chest ease just slightly. He took a deep breath. It didn't fix everything, not entirely but it was just enough. It made it better enough to make it bearable. It would have to do for now.

"Take a deep breath."

"I don't need you telling me how to calm down Stark."

"Humor me."

Loki glared but it was mostly for show and Tony knew it. He slowly did, in and out just as if he were meditating. He did it again a few more times until the tightness relaxed a little bit more and he could feel his breath coming in normally. He was better, not completely ok even now but he could figure this out. It was ok. Tony wasn't a threat. He was still safe.

"Is this about what we said earlier?"

"That seems like a rather obvious answer doesn't it Stark?"

"Is it correct?"

The lack of an answer told Tony everything he needed to know and something touched his eyes, something that if Loki didn't know any better, he'd say was sorrow. 

"Do you regret it?"

Did he? Loki tried to make sense of the puzzle in his mind to give Tony an honest answer.

"I... I'm not entirely sure it wasn't a bad decision."

"I know."

"Are you sure this wasn't a bad decision?"

Tony opened his mouth but he closed it almost immediately, a look of uncertainty crossing his face. He shrugged still trying to look calm.

"I don't exactly love the idea of losing you at the end of all this either Lokes."

"And yet you keep trying."

"Because I want to try, at least for the time we have left."

Loki couldn't make sense of it. He understood why he had such a hard time saying no and closing this relationship off as an option entirely. He really liked Tony. He wished... he wished he could stay with him forever, but he couldn't and once he was gone he would likely never have anyone else to feel like this about ever again. Tony didn't have that problem. He didn't understand why he was so invested in this. 

"You don't have to do this. You'll live a long life and unlike me, you won't be isolated. You'll find love with someone else one day."

"You assume I'll want to after this."

"There will be someone who comes along and impresses you one day."

"Even if they do I'll still love you. I won't stop caring about you Lokes my feelings won't just go away I'll still have to manage them."

"The version of me you currently care about won't exist anymore. Why are you doing this? Why are we putting each other and ourselves through this when we will only suffer for it later?"

Loki stared at Tony, mentally begging him for an answer to his question, an answer that would put all of this into perspective and make him feel better. Something that would allow him to say yes to his feelings without having to worry about it after. He didn't want to have to regret this. He didn't want to have to feel this pain, he wanted Tony to tell him what the right thing to do was but that's not what he did.

"I won't force you to do this if you don't want to do this you know Lokes. I want to love you but I won't... we can just pretend none of this ever happened if you want."

"After all the emotional lectures you've given me, you don't get to do that Stark."

"Do what?"

"Pretend like this doesn't have an effect on you too, as if it doesn't matter to you, as if you don't get a say. Whether we do this or not, this still has an impact on you too."

"And what should I do, just tell you to do whatever makes me happy?"

"What would make you happy Stark?"

"You would make me happy! You Loki! I would be happy with you!"

He sounded so sure, exasperated even as if it were the most obvious thing in the world but Loki was still confused. He looked at Tony uncertainly.

"You don't even know that."

"But I'm willing to find out Lokes! I'm willing to try but I can't make you try with me if you don't want to!"

"You don't know that you love me, Anthony. You already said as much earlier, you don't even know. You could be doing all of this wasting all this time and energy for nothing."

"You aren't a waste of time and energy Lokes."

"Loving me is." Tony and Loki stared at each other stuck in a stalemate. Only Loki was going to decide how they resolved it and e still wasn't even sure how he wanted to. "Why are you doing this Stark? Why should we try?"

"Do you want to stop?" Tony looked at Loki defeated, already expecting his answer. Loki opened and closed his mouth with minimal sound coming out as he searched for an answer to appear but it wouldn't come and Tony looked like he was losing more and more hope by the second.

They'd only just started this. They hadn't even gotten to do anything except kiss on the steps but Loki wanted more than that. He wanted to hold Tony, to laugh with him, to trust him enough to know he would never hurt him but despite all his wants he still hesitated.

Were those things possible? Were they worth it? He couldn't rationalize or solve this problem logically, he couldn't know if he would be ok either way. There was no right or wrong, there was just a choice. He just had to guess and more than anything, he had to believe in Tony and he had to believe in himself. Whatever decision he made now, he had to stick to it.

"What do you want to do Loki?"

"I already told you not to pretend-"

"I'm not pretending Lokes. I already know what I want. If this is real, if I really do love you, then I want to love you for as long as we're here. I want to explorer that with you and it sounds and it feels crazy, but I do. I want you to feel happy and safe. I want to spoil you with anything you could ask for just to bring a smile to your face. I want to love you. That's what I want, I'm not hiding that. But I'm not being in love alone. What do you want to do?"

"I..." Tony looked desperate. It didn't make sense to him, how was this decision so easy for him? "Aren't you scared?"

"Of course I'm scared it's uncharted territory."

"We could both be wrong."

"Then we'll be wrong together."

Loki stared. How could he be so sure? How could he be so okay with risking so much for him? He slowly took his hands from under his thighs. They were still shaking but he knew there was no danger, just a man who wanted to love him and a decision he had to make. It felt terrifying, it felt like dangerous, but it wasn't. Not inherently. He fiddled with them in his lap as he looked away from Tony.

"I don't... I don't actually know how to do this."

"I know. I don't either. But I care enough about you to try." Loki looked scared. "How up to physical touch are you right now?"

"Not my best, but I've been worse with it."

"You wanna let me try something?"

Loki stared at Tony uncertainly for a second but he slowly nodded his head yes after a moment. Tony slowly moved to sit down on the wall next to Loki. Every move was careful and they were all telegraphed before he actually did them. Loki knew everything he was going to do before he did it. Tony carefully reached out next to him and grabbed his hand.

"Come here." Tony helped lead Loki the few feet between the floor he was currently sitting on and the floor between his legs. "Lay back."

Loki did slowly. Tony saw the way his eyes still darted around as he did, the whole time like he was ready to spring back up if he had to. He was ready for something to ruin this, for something bad to happen or for some consequence to come, but after a minute he finally let his back rest against Tony's chest.

His head fell back on Tony's shoulder with a small hum and he looked around nervously, still tense. He wasn't being punished. He wasn't being hurt for this. He was openly displaying affection and there were no consequences. Tony didn't push it. He didn't wrap his arms around Loki, he simply grabbed one of his hands in his and slowly rubbed the back of his knuckle with his thumb in small soothing strokes. Loki so desperately wanted to hold him but if he tried, he'd probably fling him to the opposite side of the room on accident out of panic.

"It's ok to be scared."

There was a war in Loki's mind of whether to get up and run or to lean back a bit further. He had to try. It was hard but he had to try. He moved in stiff stilted movements slowly sinking even further back in Tony's arms and was immediately rewarded by how nice it felt. Little by little he slowly let himself relax. He wasn't in danger. Tony was here, he was holding him, and it felt nice.

"Hey, Lokes?"

"Hm."

"Wanting to be loved isn't selfish."

Loki didn't try to answer that. Of course it was but he wouldn't try to make Tony see that. For now, he would sit back and be selfish.

"Why can't we just go get him!"

"It is not that simple Ubica!"

"It seems that simple! We know his location we should go!"

"We do not know his location we only know his general area!"

"You said-"

"For goodness sake you insufferable imp, cease your whining!"

Ubica was fuming but Malphite didn't care. He was planning an assassination, he didn't have time to worry about whining little brats, prodigy or not. Malphite sometimes struggled to understand how she'd made her way onto the Jotun High Council.

Kosto rubbed at his temple and slowed down his words hoping the condescending pace would help the girl understand. They were all pouring over a map of the forest where his wards had detected Tony. Kosto took a quill and made large separate circles on the map.

"Do you see this? The wards were placed over a wide area. The Midgardian prince activated one of them by entering the forest but we still don't know where he is. He isn't in one of the circles, he is in the space between this area and this area."

"So then why can't we go get him!"

"That's still a space hundreds of kilometers wide. We don't know where specifically he's hiding."

"So how do we find out?"

"We search. We know what realm they're on, we know the area in the realm where they are we simply have to search that area."

"But only you can be spared to search. That will take too long and we do not know when they are leaving."

"So you would rather we do nothing?"

"I'd rather we not run around like dumb animals in the forest looking for him!"

"This is getting us nowhere." Kosto glared at both of his allies. "I found him did I not? I will find him again but you must be ready to move. When I find him we will have a small amount of time to act. We must take him before the wedding."

The three nodded. They each silently slipped out of the room and to their respective duties.

Chapter Text

When Loki woke up again he felt his back to something unfamiliar. He paused, the need to defend himself arising even as something else inside of him begged him to take a second and calm down. It felt like a body. It was a person. Loki's blood went cold as he tried to make sense of it all. Had he killed someone? He thought he wasn't going to have to do that here.

He gasped and turned in shock, hand halfway raised when he felt the body behind him shift, but the second he turned he put his hand down. He relaxed, and then he stared. Loki had never really seen Tony this close up when he was sleeping. The dark circles under his eyes were receding, they had been since he'd started getting more sleep. 

His head was bowed forward slightly and his lips were slightly parted. He looked... he looked so beautiful. Loki had never really found anyone beautiful before, not like this. It was strange, it made his heart flutter in a weird way. He silently swept a lock of hair from the front of Tony's face and behind his ear and smiled as Tony quietly groaned and leaned even more into the touch.

What was this? He felt like he was going to explode out of affection for this one person. Was this how it was supposed to feel when you... Loki refused to finish the thought. He didn't need to put a name to it, it didn't matter what it was. All that mattered was that he was here and that Stark was here. He was happy as long as those two things were true.

He turned around and settled back into Tony's chest. He was warm, not uncomfortably so but just warm. He felt nice. There had to be some way for him to convince Tony to let him do this more often, but those were things for the morning.

Still, after everything, for once, he wasn't all that tired. He could get up and start practicing his walking, but he'd wanted to try using his cane today. He would wait until Tony was up for that, so there was nothing else for him to truly do.

His eyes fell off slightly to the side where Tony's tablet was. That was an option. The inventor hadn't written out any more of the story for him but he was always taping away on the thing, there had to be some interesting things on it that weren't entirely illegal. Loki slowly grabbed the device and input the password. Honestly, Stark didn't even try to hide his finger strokes whenever he entered it.

He was sure when he opened it he would see some kind of project, something or other that Tony had been designing and he promised himself immediately that if he saw anything remotely like that, he would close the tablet and put it down and forget he saw it was there. He wanted to entertain himself not piss off his... Not putting labels on things.

Loki pushed the thought out of his head as the tablet opened and he prepared himself to drop it, but when it opened it wasn't a project he saw. It was... Well, he wasn't entirely sure what it was. There was a central page he was on but at the top, there were a bunch of little tabs and each of the tabs said different things.

He clicked on one, and it brought him to it and he did it again with another and another and another. It wasn't until the third tab that he figured he should probably look at exactly what each of the pages said. Complex PTSD? Childhood trauma? What was this? Loki stopped on one page and slowly read through its contents, and then he read another, and another, and another.

It was all... It was all stuff for him. It was miles upon miles of papers and lectures, debates by experts about the best ways to heal, scans of different brains of both Jotun and humans. How anyone had managed to get scans of a Jotun brain was beyond him but there it was and it was in a paper talking about the effects of prolonged trauma on the adolescent and adult brain, a paper Loki was sure Tony had read front to back and probably a second time for him. He'd read all of this, for him.

He turned around again and looked at the sleeping man behind him. Is this what he had been doing all those times? Loki always assumed he was just working on another project or building something but he'd been researching, looking for an answer or a way to help him.

Loki's heart swelled to dangerous levels and he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry as he quickly put the tablet down and back where it was. Tony had been taking care of him. He already knew that, it was a bit hard to miss considering everything but he'd never realized just how much he'd done to try and help him.

He needed to do something. It was just too much. What did normal people do when they wanted to do something nice for another? Loki tried to think back, brain scrambling to find all the nice things his mother and father had done for each other.

He looked down at the cane sitting at his side with a sigh. Well, he had wanted to practice using it. He was sure he wouldn't have the energy anymore after this. Loki picked the tablet back up again and slowly removed himself from Tony's lap.

He was getting better at this whole dragging-himself-around-the-house-until-he-felt-like-death-warmed-over thing but he couldn't wait to use his cane. Still when he thought of everything Tony had done... The research was just the icing on a very large, very loving cake.

He would never be able to say or do enough to express his gratitude to him, he'd done too much. Still, as far as gestures went, Loki figured this wasn't a bad place to start. His parents did it for each other often enough to show their gratitude and Loki had done it enough for himself to figure it out.

He immediately rested once he got to the kitchen. He was panting, but it still wasn't as bad as when he dragged himself to Amaya's room. He slowly got up after a moment and grabbed a chair from the kitchen table. It would be harder to do this sitting down but if he tried to do it standing up the whole time, he would collapse.

He opened up the fridge and looked inside to see... a bunch of stuff he couldn't identify. He cursed himself quietly. Why had he assumed that a device stocked for a Midgardian family would have any ingredients he was familiar with?

In the back of his mind, he wondered where this food came from. There was no market around here for anyone to pick anything up and if it had been there since they'd gotten there, it should be well past spoiled but everything looked good from what he could tell.

He was going to have to test it. As much as he wanted to, he didn't know these ingredients well enough. They looked ok but he had no way to know what they were supposed to look like. Memories flooded his head of sitting at the dinner table with his family, taking bites of his food, and then almost dying as his parents screamed above him.

It had been his favorite, a stew made of the meat of the dire wolves that inhabited the forest and one of the few leafy greens that managed to grow in Jotunheim's cold. It had been delicious, Loki had been excited. He just wanted to sit down and eat with his family and then...

His heart raced as he remembered the feeling, the pain in his chest, and the gasping because he couldn't breathe... he couldn't breathe... he couldn't breathe! A harsh breath filled Loki's lungs as he forced himself to come back. He looked around. He wasn't in Jotunheim's kitchens, he was in Alfheim. He took a deep breath, and then another, and then another.

Ever since that day he'd only ever eaten what he'd grown or caught. He saw everything he consumed from its first steps to its last as he cleaned, cooked, and ate it. He wasn't sure where this stuff had come from. He didn't know who'd touched it, where it had been, what could've been done to it. He looked back down the hallway to where his and Tony's room sat. He didn't have to do this. He could go back. If he slipped back in now, Tony wouldn't even notice he'd been gone by the time he woke up.

Loki looked at Tony's tablet. No. He was going to do this. His grip on the small device tightened slightly. Tony had done so much for him, and he didn't have to do it, he could turn around and Tony would still care for him, but that was the point. He'd done so much, he just wanted to do something small in return so he took one final deep breath, opened the device, and opened a new tab.

A few minutes of searching was all it took to realize how the device worked, it wasn't all that complicated in reality. First, he should probably figure out what all these ingredients were before he tried to cook something with them. Language barriers were hard. All speak could translate spoken and written words, but that didn't mean Loki could just look at the ingredients and know what he was looking for.

Some of the items were easy. He may not know what animal it belonged to but an egg tended to look about the same no matter what species it came from. He looked those up first. Apparently, they came from something called a chicken it was very bad to eat them raw. Good to know.

Next, he tried to tackle some of the greener items, plants obviously enough. Green leafy circle with layers vegetable. Lettuce! And apparently, that one over there was kayle and this thing was spinach. This wasn't so hard. He could do this.

He followed the same process for every ingredient in the fridge, every meat, every vegetable, every fruit, even the drinks and the bread. The more he searched the easier it became until finally, he felt like he had a handle on everything. That still didn't help him decide what he should make though.

He quickly searched mentally. He'd seen Midgardian food one time before right? When he was at the palace! He had eaten breakfast with Tony that morning! What did Tony eat? Loki tried to remember back to that moment and to the foods on Tony's plate. There were triangles. They looked like they were made out of bread. Loki quickly searched, bread triangle breakfast.

That one took a bit more looking. Apparently, Midgardians had a whole category of bread-based breakfast foods but after a while, it appeared the thing Tony had been eating was french toast. He slowly looked over the recipe. Bread, eggs, milk, cinnamon... cinnamon? What was that?

Loki quickly did another search on that and a quick review on Midgardian spices. He went through the entire fridge again but he quickly discovered that he couldn't find the cinnamon or any of the other spices the website he'd looked at had described, so that left the endless stacks of drawers and cabinets set all around him.

He was very lucky, it wasn't a long search. He only had to search the drawers between the kitchen and the stove which weren't that many. He even found the plates in a cabinet down below and the spoons and forks in another drawer along the way so he would consider it a win. He found a bowl and quickly grabbed out all of his ingredients before he paused.

Tony had more than that on his plate that morning. The cooks had made him an entire feast. Was it normal for Midgardians to have a feast for breakfast? Loki didn't remember Tony eating that much in all the time they were here, in fact, he only ate the things Amaya brought him. He'd even lost a bit of weight since they'd been here. Was he not eating enough? Was he secretly hungry this entire time?

Loki quickly searched to find foods that went with french toast. The eggs could be cooked to make a good dish apparently and the fruit could be eaten alone. The bacon was also a good choice apparently. Loki felt so conflicted. He wasn't sure which things he should actually cook! In the end, he decided it was better to have too much food than not enough. He would cook it all.

He carefully got to work, making each item with as much care as he could. It may have been difficult, there were new ingredients, new cooking methods, even new appliances. The stove did not look the same as the one on Jotunheim and it didn't work the same either, but it did the same thing and to a certain extent, in the end, it was just cooking. That's all he was doing. Loki had been doing this for years.

Loki carefully finished putting each item on the plate. The french toast got a sprinkle of sugar, he found some syrup and drizzled it on top. The fruit was spread off to the side, he wasn't sure what Tony liked so he'd simply put everything. The eggs came next with cheese and a little bit of salt on top just to make sure it was good and finally on the side of that were the fresh slices of bacon. He made some coffee and poured a cup of juice and put both things off on the side. Loki finished making and plating every last thing, and then he stared at it.

He'd finished cooking. The dish was done and it looked amazing and he'd seen it being cooked, he'd cooked it himself. No one else had touched it. No one else was here except the people he knew. Nothing could've happened to it but... Loki reached a shaking hand forward.

He was going to have to taste it. He was too scared. What if something had happened to it before it got here? What if it all was expired and he simply hadn't been looking for the right signs? What if he gave it to Tony and he poisoned him? The thought made his blood run cold. He couldn't do that. He had to try it, the only way to make sure it was ok was to eat a bit of it.

Loki grabbed a fork. His hand was shaking so much he could barely grab the item of food he wanted. It was just a small bite. It didn't have to be a lot but if something was wrong with it, he would know almost immediately. He would start with the eggs, they didn't look too bad. He moved his fork forward. It was only a little bit. He would be ok. He felt tears start to prick at his eyes. He could do this. It would be ok. It would...

Loki let the fork fall and put his head in his hands. He couldn't do this. He was too scared. Loki let the tears fall. Why, why couldn't he do this? He thought he was over stuff like this. He slowly wiped the tears away and tried his best to take a deep breath. He had to do this. Tony deserved something, he'd done so much, but...

If Tony could see him like this what would he say? He'd probably tell him it was ok and he didn't need to do this if he didn't want to and he was just amazed he did it at all and all other manners of beautiful sweet things that would make his heart sing in a way he didn't know it was capable of anymore. He'd call him smart and brave and capable and whether it was safe or not, he'd probably eat it just because Loki made it. Loki held himself tightly for a moment. He didn't have to do this if he didn't want to, but he would. He would.

He took a small deep breath and looked at the plate of food in front of him again. He only had to take a small bite of each thing, he barely even had to taste it. Loki reached a hand forward and slowly grabbed a piece of bacon. He brought it up to his face and slowly, took a very small bite.

He put the rest back on the plate and grabbed the edge of the counter. Don't gag, don't throw up, just chew. All he had to do was chew. Move his jaw back and forth, that's it, just as he had a thousand times before. The meat was good, and to a certain extent being that he hadn't eaten in a year, his body craved the small piece of food but in his mind, he was panicking, sure that this bite would be his last ever.

He slowly swallowed and closed his eyes, waiting for something bad to happen and... nothing. Loki slowly opened his eyes. Nothing had happened, nothing bad had happened. If something was wrong with the food Loki would've immediately known as it went down his throat but it was ok. He was ok. The food was safe. He looked at the plate and slowly took a piece of fruit and did the same process with each item he'd cooked again, and again, and again.

He wished he could've said it got easier but it was only one plate of food and as he'd already learned from being here, progress took time but he did it. He made it through every last piece of food there was. He slowly drank some of the juice and was surprised by how much he enjoyed the taste. When he tried the coffee, however, he almost spat it out for entirely different reasons.

Loki stared at the bitter brown mixture. Is that what it was supposed to taste like? Surely that wasn't what Anthony was swallowing down every morning. No, he wouldn't give him that it would ruin the rest of the meal! Still, it appeared to be Tony's favorite drink. Loki sighed as he poured the mixture out and started again.

Infernal humans and their infernal coffee habits. Loki tried again and again and again and again. Thankfully he decided after the first time the beans he made it with couldn't be poisonous so he gave himself a bit of mercy. He didn't make himself swallow it after each time he tasted it, he just spat it out and tried again until finally after however many tries, he made a cup that he decided was decent.

He sighed as he finally sat the items out at the kitchen table and turned towards his room. He made the less than easy trip back and sat nervously for a minute before he finally picked up his hand and knocked on the door just loud enough for Tony to hear.

When Tony opened the door it was clear he wasn't expecting Loki to be there but that was fair. He stared in confusion for a minute.

"Loki what are you-"

"I made you breakfast."

Loki immediately began to blush and he looked away from Tony as he cursed himself. Why had he just cut Stark off like that! He could've said it nicer too he should've made it sound sweeter, he should've made it sound like he was more grateful. He was grateful why did he do that he must look like a fool!

"Sweet. Is it in the kitchen?"

Loki looked up to see Tony looking happy, even a bit excited. A tired hand came up to scratch his belly before he leaned down and helped Loki up to his feet, taking his weight as he walked them both to the kitchen. When they got there Tony couldn't help but take a second to look around surprised.

"Did you really make all of this for me?"

He'd made too much. "Well I wasn't sure how much Midgardians ate for breakfast and I remembered that one time we were at the palace and- mm!"

Loki was silenced mid-speech as he felt a gentle peck on his lips that was quickly followed by a slightly longer kiss after. Loki didn't know if he would ever get used to that feeling. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to.

"It's amazing Lokes. Thank you. Here, come sit."

Tony pulled out a chair for him and helped him sit down before he went over to the seat across from him and sat down in front of his plate of food and picked up his fork and knife and dug in. Loki gasped softly, his hands gripping the edge of the table with way too much strength as the first bite of food went into Tony's mouth, stayed there for a minute as he chewed, and then was promptly swallowed down.

"Oh my gosh Lokes this is amazing. How did you even know how to make all of this?"

Loki stared for a second, the tension in his chest slowly easing as Tony continued to take bite after bite and everything remained ok. Tony was fine. He was eating and nothing was poisoned and what was more, he even liked it! He had to shake his head for a second before the answer to Tony's question truly came to his mind.

He slowly got up and held the table and the chair as he made the few steps over to grab Tony's tablet and hand it to him. The second Tony saw his tablet his chewing slowed to a pause as he took the device from Loki's hands and opened it. He chuckled only a second later.

"I see you discovered the world wide web."

"The what?"

"The internet. It's the thing you were using to look up all the information on cooking. You did amazing Lokes. Really, this is incredible."

"I saw the tabs from your research. You... You were researching ways to help me." Tony stared, waiting for Loki's reaction to this revelation but he smiled, a small smile but it was there and he bowed his head slightly. "Thank you Tony. You've done a lot for me. I... I do not know if I will ever find a way to repay you."

Tony looked down at the plate of food slightly and then back to Loki, but this time he wasn't smiling and he hadn't started eating again. Loki internally began to panic. Had he done something wrong?

"Is that why you made me breakfast? To repay me?"

"I... Yes, are you not supposed to repay debts in Midgardian culture?"

Tony opened and closed his mouth before a small sigh came out.

"Loki you don't need to repay me. This food is amazing and I can't even begin to describe how it feels that you would even do this for me but I didn't do all of that just so you'd pay me back or owe me I did it because I... care a lot about you."

There was a slight pause as Loki took that in.

"Well then take it as an expression of my gratitude. Thank you Tony, for all that you've done."

Tony smiled slightly. "You're welcome Lokes. Here, you clearly know how the internet works. You can use it to find any topic you're interested in if you want."

Tony handed over his tablet and continued to eat in silence as Loki looked up a topic of his interest and quickly became enamored. Tony looked up at him after a while.

"Whatacha reading?"

"Hm? Oh, I decided to look for a new book to read."

"Oh yeah? Find anything you're interested in?"

"Many but I do not have time to read them all."

"Well, we're not doing anything for the rest of the day. We've been stuck in that room too long."

"I like the room."

"Yeah but it's not good for either of us to be in there all day, which is what we've both been doing for the better part of a year. Let's relax in the living room."

"But if I'm reading, what will you be doing?"

"There's a TV, I'll show it to you."

Loki nodded in agreement and Tony picked up and took a sip of his coffee. Loki stopped, his heart beating a million miles an hour as Tony's eyes went wide and he immediately pulled the cup back again to look at it.

"What? What is it? Is something wrong?"

Loki was halfway out of his seat trying to figure out a strategy for how to get the tiny sip Stark had swallowed out of his stomach immediately before Tony brought the cup back to his mouth and quickly drank down half the cup.

"That's delicious! Lokes what is this?"

Loki stared in surprise. His eyes darted quickly back and forth between Tony and his cup as he sat back down.

"Um... It's coffee."

"That's coffee!?" Tony quickly took another long drink. "How did you make this!"

"Is it not supposed to taste like that?"

"Traditionally no, coffee usually tastes pretty bitter. If you add cream and sugar it'll taste better but it doesn't normally taste like this." Tony hummed in satisfaction as he did it again and it made Loki want to positively explode with pride.

"Would you like me to make you another?"

"Yes!" Tony almost yelled the word before he thought better of it and reconsidered. "Actually, on second thought, maybe it's better you don't. I finally started cutting back. You make too many more of these and I'll be addicted all over again." Tony chuckled and he quickly finished the rest of his drink and started back on eating his food.

Loki settled down as Tony happily kept eating. Tony was happy, the food was ok, he'd done good. It'd been a long time since he'd been able to think like that in reaction to anything he'd done. He did good. He was... he was proud of himself. 

The soft sound of feet falling on the ground alerted them both to the fact that someone was coming but Toy just kept eating. Loki on the other hand was on red alert. Tony looked up slightly to see who it was, barely acknowledging the shocked look on the newcomer's face.

"Hey Pep."

As soon as he said it Tony went back to shoveling food but Pepper just stood there staring in shock and disbelief. Loki watched every move she made with narrowed eyes and very little subtlety.

"Tony... Are you... Are you eating breakfast?"

She said it like it was the most insane thing in the world. Weren't Midgardians supposed to eat breakfast?

"Loki made it. It's good."

"No coffee?"

Tony lifted the empty cup absent-mindedly.

"I already drank it. I think Imma stick to one cup today."

Pepper stared at the scene for many moments, face a picture of complete and quiet shock before she pulled herself together and smiled at the two at the table.

"Well that's very nice."

She walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water before she turned around and left. She walked a little faster than she needed to get back to her room. Something was off about the way she reacted. She was off. Loki tried to puzzle it out silently, eyes narrowed in suspicion as Tony finished eating the rest of his meal and finally turned to him.

"Do you want to go to the living room now?"

"Yes, that sounds good."

Loki refused Tony's help walking there even though he slightly regretted it. He fell onto the couch, Tony's tablet still in hand while Tony turned to a black screen that was sitting off to one wall forgotten. Loki hadn't paid much attention whenever he was in here, he wasn't entirely sure what it did. Tony picked up a device that hadn't been used in so long it was covered in dust and pointed it at the screen and pressed a button.

He almost jumped when a picture suddenly appeared there and a large sound came out. He watched, fascinated as Tony flipped through different channels of different possible sources of entertainment. So, this was the famed television. Loki could see why it captured Midgardian's attention so much. It was currently capturing a fair deal of his.

Toy flipped to a channel that had a documentary on something involving quantum theory and sat back relaxed. Loki waited until Tony looked content before opening Tony's tablet again and scrolling and selecting a book.

He wasn't sure how long they sat there. It felt like they rested that way for both eternities and mere seconds and it was perfect. Absolutely peaceful and absolutely perfect. He couldn't get away from the feeling of caution, he still stopped and looked around every few minutes, expecting something bad to happen but it didn't and the more his theories were unfounded, the faster he could slowly turn back to his tablet and lose himself again in what he was reading.

He felt something soft and heavy touch his lap and he paused before he looked down ready to attack only to see Tony's head, still looking at the TV. He calmed down with a small smile. It was ok. Tony was here, he was here. Everything was perfect.

Chapter Text

Amaya sat respectfully with her hands behind her back in front of Laufey. It was time for her weekly update detailing Loki's progress and any problems they may be facing. Somehow, despite everything, these things tended to go smoothly, thanks in no small part to some creative half-truths on her part, but this one was making her a bit anxious.

She didn't know how Loki's conversation with his father went, but he obviously knew he'd had the device and it wouldn't be the first time she'd helped him with one of his schemes or the first time he was suspicious of her involvement with her schemes.

"I take it Loki's time this week has been spent well?"

"Yes sir, he is still progressing. Every day he stays here he gets better and he's never been so relaxed."

"Has he been sleeping well?"

That was... strange. Loki's sleep? Had she ever said anything about his sleep? She immediately started mentally backtracking, trying to find anything she could've said that would've triggered that response but she couldn't think of anything and Laufey was still looking at her, waiting. Honestly, sometimes she hated how well he knew her. The fact that she was taking so long to answer was already an answer.

"It took some time for him to... adjust to his new environment in the beginning, but recently he has been sleeping well, yes."

Amaya squeezed her hands together behind her back anxiously but Laufey didn't say a word. That usually meant she was caught. Amaya cursed herself and mentally sighed. She had to make them focus on something else, something different.

"His relationship with prince Tony has also been improving sir. I believe the longer they stay here, the closer they will get."

"Yes, it seems they've grown very close."

Amaya hesitated. "Yes, I suppose they have."

Laufey gave her a look, his eyes narrowed and his lips set in a firm line that meant she would be in trouble later. He said nothing more on it but he didn't need to, she already knew. She sighed, audibly this time. There was no more use in pretense. He knew and she'd have to answer some very annoying questions later. She would inevitably meat them with more creative "truths."

She couldn't be any more upset about it than that though. Mostly she was relieved. As bad as what she did was, the trouble for it would be relatively little. Laufey wasn't angry, if he were he would already be yelling. As it was, she would probably get something like extra chores or a tedious and annoying task they had to complete. Her favorite. Annoying, but not terrible.

She didn't know what the punishment would be for getting his last son's magic taken away and dooming him to return to his hostile home without it, inevitably cursing him to not only a violent and painful death but one orchestrated by his own people. She shook her head slightly to focus, a move that was not missed by Laufey. More questions. More creative truth-telling.

"The wedding date has been set. The boys have two more months in Alfheim, that's it. On the day of the wedding, guards from Midgard will come for them and escort them both to their designated areas where they will get ready for the ceremonies."

"Sir if I may, this all seems quite sudden. Two months isn't all that long compared to how long they've been here. If we let them stay here a bit longer and give them more time to prepare to leave-"

"No. There will be no more extensions. The date has been set and all the other realms have already agreed to attend. What's more, the mighty prince Thor can only spare the agreed-upon date to grace us with his presence." Sarcasm may as well have been Laufey's second language but Amaya couldn't help but understand. The king was never great at letting go of old grudges, and the one he held against the Asgardian royal family was the worst of them all. "They will be returning in two months. Make sure they know."

"But sir he still has a lot to learn about human culture and it is very important that he makes a good first impression on them upon returning as their new prince."

"He has been there for a year, what has he not learned yet?"

"Sir you know there are many important cultural intricacies that are unique to each realm and if handled wrong-"

"Amaya it has been a year. He has been there long enough. If he has been studying and learning as much as you say, I find it hard to believe that there could be anything else he doesn't know."

"Midgard is a very advanced realm sir, especially their technology which was completely unfamiliar to him upon arrival. He has been studying, but there is still more to learn."

"Be that as it may, he will be living with the humans. If there are any cultural intricacies he has missed technological or otherwise, and I thoroughly doubt there are," Amaya tried her best not to look any more guilty than she already was "he will pick them up while he lives with them. He had learned enough to start with. For now, that is enough."

Laufey was losing patience. Amaya was losing ground. She tried desperately to find anything else to argue with but there was nothing else, the deck was stacked against her and she was all out of cards. She couldn't allow this to happen, but she couldn't stop it either.

"Sir if this is about the threats from Jotunheim you'll be happy to know we have not had a single problem in all our time here-"

"Enough Amaya. The decision is final. The date is set. Two months. Tell the boys." Laufey paused and looked at her for a second. "What is the real reason you are so eagerly trying to let him stay there?"

Because he will be forced to return home and I will be forced to do something drastic. "I simply... worry what returning to the stress of palace life will do after being in such a... low-stress environment for so long. If we had a bit more time to prepare, I could slowly ease him into the transition and make it a bit easier."

"I am sure the Misgardian palace will be hectic and quite a big adjustment for Loki but he is strong, you know this. Compared to the things he's had to face here, I cannot even imagine it being considered a stressful transition for him. I understand he has been enjoying his time in Alfheim and I am very happy he has but we cannot allow him to stay there forever. He still does not know he's going to Earth?"

"No. I haven't told him, per your instructions."

"You can tell him now. It will give him time to adjust to the news. I thought before when we told him the results would be... less than pleasant but considering everything that's happened I believe the news may make him happier than we could've anticipated."

"Sir what if... what if Loki still does not want to stay on Midgard?"

"Would he not want to stay with Tony? I thought their relationship was improving."

"It is, but they still have time yet. They may have an argument or some other dispute while he's here that may make him wish to not see Tony."

"I thought you said they'd only grow closer the longer they were there." Every time she looked around her foot was right back in her mouth. "Be that as it may, even if they do not like each other by the end of this trip, he will still be safer on Midgard than home. The Midgardian palace is big. I am sure there is a way for him to live there and never have to see prince Tony outside of an official capacity."

"Sir-"

"Amaya, we finally have a chance to send him somewhere away from all the dangers and anguish that being home comes with for him. What could you possibly say to convince me to bring him back to this? Is there a problem with Loki staying on Midgard?"

"Well... No..."

"Then what is wrong?"

Amaya opened and closed her mouth. There was no answer that she was going to give that wouldn't make all of their situations devastatingly worse so after a moment she simply shook her head.

"There is no problem."

Laufey's eyes narrowed suspiciously, clearly not convinced, but he said nothing.

"Tell him he will be going to Midgard. Teach him whatever else he needs to learn if there is anything, but the wedding date is not changing. Two months. That is the time they have left. That is final."

"Yes sir."

The transmission cut out and Amaya was left in her room alone. She took a deep breath, then another one, then another one. She sat down on the floor by her bed and put her head against the covers, slowly breathing in and out as she tried to immerse herself in the joy of being here in this room, in this land. Where everything was ok. Their time was up. Loki was going home. He wasn't going to be on Earth. The contract was still in place. Amaya had failed.

A single tear fell from her eyes but she tried her best to ignore it. She sat back and did her best to continue to feel the moment. She slowly let a small tendril of her own magic come up to her hand and wrap around her fingers. It danced and glittered as it moved around her. Despite everything, it even made her smile, an old familiar companion who'd been with her all her life. A friend.

Friendship was hard. Amaya knew that first hand. Every day for the last... she'd lost track, she had gone back through the details of her contract with Pepper again, looking for any way to get Loki out of it and after tirelessly going over it, and over it, and over it, and over it, she had finally given up. The document was airtight. It was completely flawless.

Amaya's magic was very different from Loki's. It was a soft baby blue where his was green and it wasn't nearly as powerful. It wasn't as trained as his was, which could be fixed, and she didn't have as much of it as he did, which couldn't. Still, it was magic and it would serve the purpose she needed it to.

Upon successfully arriving back on Jotunheim as soon as they were out of Pepper's sight, Amaya would give Loki her magic. Pepper would tell Loki's parents about the contract and Loki would be publically declared a stricken mage.

For what he'd done to Tony, his magic would be destroyed, but he would have Amaya's magic. It would take him some time to adjust to it, but her magic would allow him to fight and defend himself against the Jotun who would attack him. He would be safe.

The giving of one's magic to a stricken mage was a severe and highly illegal offense in Jotunheim. Due to the easy to detect nature of the magic signature, it was impossible to hide, part of the reason why it was almost never done. There was a one hundred percent chance of getting caught every time. Amaya buried her head in her hands and tried her best to enjoy the moment. Right now she was in Alfheim. Everything was alright in Alfheim. For the crime of giving her magic to a stricken mage, upon returning home, Amaya would be publicly executed.

Tony opened the door to his room as quietly as he could. He just got back from asking Pepper if his parents had said anything about the proposal. She said she hadn't read it to them yet. Planning for the wedding was taking priority for them and she didn't want to get it dismissed simply because she brought it up while they were distracted. She needed to make sure they got the severity.

It was hard not to get anxious. It had only been a few days, he needed to calm down. If he kept letting himself think about it, it was just going to drive him crazy. That didn't make it any easier, but if he needed to think about something else and he needed a distraction, he would focus on his favorite person to think about right now.

Tony leaned forward from his usual spot and cupped Loki's cheek. He always looked so calm when he slept nowadays. It was like nothing was wrong for those few moments. The second Tony's hand made contact he felt Loki's breathe falter for just a second before it regulated itself again. To anyone watching, it would look like he was still asleep.

"It's just me Lokes. It's ok."

Loki opened his eyes slowly, a hand coming up to rest over where Tony's was for just a brief second, reveling in the touch, but he did not look happy at the way Tony decided to wake him up this morning.

"I wouldn't recommend doing that to me."

"Waking you?"

"Waking me from my sleep by touching me. I thought you remembered what happened last time."

"You've gotten better since then. You waited."

"You still shouldn't."

Tony grabbed Loki's hand and brought it to his lips, head bowed. "I'm so sorry. My deepest apologies, my prince."

He smirked against his hand. He didn't need to look up to know that Loki was probably ducking his head behind his hair despite the fact that he was probably scowling for letting it affect him in the first place.

"Yes, well, see that it doesn't happen again."

Tony chuckled but he let Loki's hand go and looked up.

"Morning Lokes."

Loki smiled. "Good morning St- Anthony."

"Gonna take some getting used to?"

"Yes, as will the lack of sarcasm although if you keep acting the way you usually do I won't have to go without that for long."

"Did you sleep well?"

"You were sitting right across from me, you know I did."

"Humor me. I like hearing you say it."

Loki chuckled. "Yes. I slept well."

"Good. Any plans for today?"

"Well, I wanted to-"

The two were interrupted by a soft hesitant knock on the bedroom door. The two shared a look. No one in this house knocked like that. Tony could see Loki grab for his cane but he stopped him. He kissed him on the head and got up to answer it and was surprised at who he found on the other side, or better yet what state he found them in.

"Hey, Amaya what's up? Is everything ok?"

The concerned look in Tony's eyes was enough to tell her the question was just a formality. She looked terrible. Her hair was even wilder than usual and she looked like she'd been crying, she was even still sniffling a little bit.

"Do you need to talk about something?"

"Huh? No, no I'm fine I just... I need to talk to Loki really quick."

"Ok, he's in there. He just woke up a minute ago so..."

"I want to speak to him alone if I can."

"Ok, yeah, sure." Tony kept looking at her, trying to figure out what was wrong. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about something else first?"

"No, I just need to talk to him for a second."

Tony nodded slowly and looked back at Loki for a second. He'd heard all of this and his face looked completely neutral. Even Tony couldn't tell what he was thinking right now, but still, he walked out of the room and let Amaya inside and prepared to calm down whatever situation happened inside while he waited. His only solace was that no matter what, they weren't going to hurt each other. Still, he headed to the kitchen to grab a bottle for one and prepared to try to soothe the rage of the other.

Loki stared, eyes tracking her every movement suspiciously as she slowly walked over to him. What could she need? Had they gotten in more trouble for using the device than he'd anticipated? Were they going home sooner than expected? Was there an issue back at the palace? She finally sat down a few feet away, farther than Tony would've gone but that was good. He didn't trust her as much as he trusted Tony and she knew it.

"Hi."

"Hi." Loki looked at Amaya, taking in her condition with detachment as if he was analyzing a picture. "What are you doing here?"

"I just want to talk."

Loki nodded slowly. "Thank you for your help the other day with... certain matters. I could not have done it without you." It sounded so stilted, so formal. It was as if he was talking to a stranger. Normally they were both in better spirits after they got away with something, even if it was something as small as this, but then again, those were old times. They weren't what they were then.

"Do you still think I'm out to get you?"

"I don't know what to think about you anymore."

"Are you still angry with me?"

"Yes."

"Can you at least accept that I don't want to hurt you?"

Loki searched her face, trying to make sense of this. Why was she here? What was the problem?

"What do you want Amaya?"

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

Amaya faltered for a second. Her eyes found her lap.

"About... About anything I suppose. I guess I just wanted to pretend we were still friends."

A pang went through his heart and he tried desperately to ignore it. There were some wounds time just didn't heal, sometimes it didn't heal quickly and sometimes it didn't heal at all. He wasn't sure which one this was but whichever it was, he didn't plan on forgiving her anytime soon.

"I'm sorry. For all of this, everything you're going through, everything with your magic, it's all my fault. I'm sorry."

Still no response. If she were anyone else she might've thought he didn't hear her, but she knew how he felt, and she felt each of his emotions spike at her words. Anger. Pain. Longing. Regret. Hope. Each and every one of them was fighting hard to get out, to make it to the surface, but they couldn't. They were all buried under a mountain of betrayal.

"Loki I-"

"Why haven't you given me back my magic?"

"What?"

Amaya lifted her head in shock to see Loki giving her the same steady glare mixed with an ocean of hurt.

"You say all these things, you do all these things. You say you're sorry, you want me to forgive you, you love me, you want to help me. You even helped me get the device to call my father, but you still haven't given me my magic back."

"Loki I-"

"I've done everything you've asked of me, everything you said you wanted for me. I learned to trust, I got over the nightmares, I did everything I could to stop being dangerous, I even started to lo-“ Loki shut his mouth immediately. She knew he was probably chiding himself for the slip-up but they both knew what he was going ot say. “I did everything you ever wanted. All of it, and getting my magic back may not have been the reason for all of it, but I did. I even started coming to terms with Blyster and her's deaths. I did everything you asked for, I healed Amaya. So why haven't you given me my magic back?"

"Loki it's not that simple."

"What is so complicated about it? Explain it to me."

He stared at her, waiting silently. He already knew her answer, it was the same thing but she desperately searched for a way to tell him. But as usual, she could only come up with nothing. She always came up with nothing.

"Loki, please. It's not that simple."

"Then why would forgiving you be? If that's not simple, if telling me why you would subject me to his isn't simple then why do you think forgiving you is?"

"I don't know."

Loki stared at her for a long moment. Maybe it was just too early, maybe he was starting to care less as the days went on and his heart turned less cold, but he didn't look angry. He didn't look hurt or betrayed or upset. He just looked tired and annoyed, like he had to calm a petulant child after they broke something of his. 

"Why are you here Amaya? Don't tell me that you just want to talk or that you want to pretend we're still friends again. Why did you bring yourself here? What do you want from me?"

"I want to give you your magic back Loki."

"If you wanted to do that you would. Why are you here?"

"I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you."

"Amaya. Why. Are. You. Here?"

He didn't raise his voice, he wasn't angry. He was just done. There was nothing she was going to say or do to fix this, not without giving him his magic back and if it were that simple... well...

"I'm going to fix this. I'm going to make things right and when I do, I want you to know that I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For all of this."

A touch of annoyance touched Loki's eyes. "If you manage to fix this without getting me killed, I might consider believing you ever actually cared."

"You know I care Loki. I know you know that."

She didn't wait for a response. She got up and walked out of the room. When she opened the door, Tony was there with a bottle waiting in his hands. He handed it to her and she gratefully took it with a small nod before she turned and slowly made her way back to her room.

Once she got inside she sat down and immediately opened it and started to drink. Two more months. She would tell them in another week. They were doing so well. She didn't want to ruin it for them. She wouldn't tell Loki about Earth. It would only make his heart break even more to know there was a chance. 

As for her though, in terms of Pepper this contract and everything else, she lost. It was officially game over.

Chapter Text

Tony walked back in slowly like he didn't know whether or not he was allowed. Loki scowled. He hated being treated like that like he was going to explode at any moment. It didn't help that he did feel like he actually could explode at any moment. He saw the way Amaya left crying, he couldn't exactly blame Anthony for being cautious coming back in even more than he could be upset at himself for making her cry.

He could've said it nicer. He could've tried to be nicer to her. But he didn't owe her anything. She hurt him. She stuck a knife in his back. Maybe if it wasn't a matter of life or death. Maybe if his fate was that he was doomed to live in this house for the rest of his life without his magic maybe... He could've forgiven her in another century. He would've seen her, every day, trying to earn his affections, trying to make him love her again and he wouldn't want to but whether he wanted to or not he still loved her.

Maybe if they stayed here, if he didn't have to worry about the things he had to worry about, if he didn't have to live the way he did, over time his heart would slowly soften and become less rigid. He would be able to forgive her, even if she never gave him his magic back. As it was, he wouldn't live long enough to find out and as the days went on, he was slowly becoming more and more comfortable with it.

Maybe it was ok, it was better than he thought. He would serve his people, he would strengthen his realm, he would get to marry a man he actually... really liked.. and then he would die. He would just die. When he returned home all of his worries would be gone, all of his fears would be invalidated, he would simply die and maybe he was ok with that.

Maybe he was a little bit less ok with living the way he had than with just not living. But even if that were the case, even if he did die and even if he was ok with it, he would never be ok with the fact that she caused it no matter how much she cried and if he still somehow loved her even now because of his cursed heart, well he supposed a dead person couldn't love either.

A hand came out of his peripheral vision and he caught it immediately, squeezing without checking who it was.

"Lokes! Let go!"

Lokes? Loki gasped and released his hand immediately. His eyes tuned back in, suddenly able to see what was going on around him again. He turned to where Anthony sat with his wrist in his hand, holding it gently to his chest assessing the damage. He'd hurt Tony. Again.

"Anthony I-"

"It's fine."

"But I-"

"Loki it's fine."

Loki stared at his wrist as he slowly sat back against the wall again. 

"Anthony I'm sorry I will get Amaya immediately and-"

"Loki"

Loki's mouth snapped shut ready for whatever reprimand Tony thought to give him for his actions, but a reprimand never came. Tony placed his injured hand wrist and all under his shirt before he could see the damage he'd done. He tried to look at the imprint of the shirt for more details.

Was the bone disjointed, was it hanging at a weird angle was he ok? Loki's mind was frantically filled with all the possibilities for all the injuries that could've occurred from that and he hate, hate, hate, hated that he knew every terrible thing that could come from squeezing Tony's wrist like that. Images came to mind, some imaginations, some memories, all accurate, all detailed, all terrifying, and Tony still didn't get up to get Amaya and he didn't understand why.

"If you are mad at me I understand but -" 

"Come here."

Loki slowly did moving forward until he was just in front of Tony. What was he going to do? He'd accept any punishment Tony saw fit to give him, he understood, but he needed to get Amaya. Tony peaked down his shirt at his wrist and sighed. He did it again. Why did he always do this? Why did he hurt everyone? How could he ever be mad at Amaya when he was just as bad?

All of his anger melted away as he sat there in front of the inventor who still had his hand in his shirt. How could he ever be mad at someone for hurting him when that was all he did. He closed his eyes and turned away when he felt a palm slowly slide across his cheek but the hand just turned his face back.

"Loki open your eyes." He didn't move an inch, his eyelids stayed closed. "Lokes I kinda need you to see what I'm about to do so I don't startle you again."

He tensed at the thought. His eyes slowly slid open, ready to see the pain and anger, the hurt, in Tony's eyes, but when he opened his eyes to his surprise Tony didn't look mad. He was still hiding his wrist but he didn't look upset. He leaned in moving deliberately slow. Loki didn't move a single muscle while he did so until Tony was only an inch away and his frantic brain realized what he was doing and his eyes slipped closed just at the last second as Tony's lips connected.

Loki slowly let his lips move hesitantly. He almost thought this could hurt Tony too. The palm that was still on his face kept caressing his cheek while Tony's thumb slowly traced up and down his cheekbone. Why was he kissing him when he'd just hurt him? Wasn't he mad?

Loki's lips kept moving slowly against Tony's as he slowly forced himself to calm down and his senses came back to him. His heart rate went back to normal levels his muscles relaxed just a bit, he could feel his face relax a bit, but only a bit. Tony didn't stop until he felt he was calm enough. His hand stayed on his cheek even when he back up just enough until their foreheads were touching.

"It's ok. I'm fine."

"I hurt you."

"You let go."

"You hid it. You wouldn't have done so if it weren't bad."

"I didn't want you to freak out. You let go Loki that's what matters. It's just bruised. Amaya will heal it." Where was his punishment? Where were his consequences why wasn't he being hurt? Was Tony that invested in protecting him he would simply rather pretend he wasn't upset?

"You cannot continue acting as though the painful things I do to you don't have an effect."

"They do have an effect. They hurt. My wrist right now hurts Lokes, but you're already beating yourself up about it. I don't see how joining you is going to help the process right now."

Tony slowly let go and leaned back to his original position. His eyes stayed locked on Loki's the entire time even though all Loki wanted to do was look away. His eyes finally broke to look down at Tony's injured wrist that was still tucked away inside his shirt. How Stark was pretending so well like it didn't hurt he didn't know but he was holding up outstandingly well.

"I want to see it."

"Loki-"

"I will not freak out. I will be ok I just... I want to see it."

Tony didn't move at first. He looked at him uncertainly. He clearly didn't want to but after a few seconds, he sighed and slowly unwrapped the injured appendage. Loki stared at it critically keeping his face perfectly neutral but the second he saw it, it was immediately clear that Tony had slightly underplayed the extent of the damage.

Loki reached forward gently taking Tony's arm. He looked at Tony's face the entire time but he kept completely still the entire time as Loki gently moved his arm from his own lap to Loki's, and if it weren't for how rigid he held himself while he did it Loki might've believed it didn't hurt.

It was horrible. There were dark purple, almost black bruises along Tony's wrist wrapped around in the exact shape of Loki's hand. It made him sick. It made him want to scream but Tony tilted his chin until his eyes were no longer on his wrist and he was looking at Tony's gaze instead.

"Loki I'm fine."

He didn't respond but Tony could see that he didn't believe him, and he could see he wasn't going to believe him either. Tony sighed.

"I'm going to go get this fixed I'll be back in a second."

Loki nodded but he barely heard him. All he could see was the black marks lining Tony's wrist causing him pain. He could see the genius trying to find the right words to say to calm him down, to make this better but there weren't such words. He leaned over and gave him one last quick peck before he left the room.

It'd just been an accident. Yeah, he was upset, he didn't exactly love his wrist being grabbed hard enough to leave marks outside of a sexual content but that wasn't really the point right now. He couldn't even be mad at Loki no more than he could be at himself. He'd progressed a lot in a lot of areas but he still shouldn't have tried to grab him when he was thinking about something like that. Seeing how Amaya left it was probably something serious or unpleasant too. It was hard to be mad at him when all things were considered but he knew Loki didn't see it that way.

He knocked immediately when he got to Amaya's door. He felt terrible, he almost wanted to wait and let her heal it later but Loki might've been a bit right when he said he was hiding the severity of the injury. It was only bruising but if Loki had held on a second later... well it was fixable that was all that mattered. It was very severe but it wasn't unrepairable not for a mage with healing magic at least.

Tony's eyes widened comically when Amaya opened the door. The drink he'd given her only minutes before was already half empty. She was swaying where she stood. Her eyes were puffy and her under eyes were discolored and dark purple. She hadn't stopped crying at one point during this entire time. Tony barely even remembered what he came for.

"Um... Amaya I-"

"Wrist."

Tony looked at her confused for a second but then he looked down at his wrist and remembered and quickly handed the limb over.

"Can you fix it?"

She just nodded turned and walked back into her room.

"Yeah."

Tony followed her in and sat at the chair at her desk and looked at her critically. She had to stumble to the bed only a few feet away and she sat down heavily on it. She reached out stupidly for the bottle that was on her dresser. Tony had half a mind to remove it form her but he knew what he was like whenever anybody tried to take a bottle away from him while he was drunk and he wasn't a mage. He drank with Amaya so many times, but now for the first time seeing her like this he wondered.

"How old are you?"

"Tony I'm older than your civilization I'm sure whatever legal drinking age you have I've surpassed it."

"Yeah but how old are you in human years?"

"I don't know. Twenty-two? Twenty-three?"

She took a long swig from the bottle. It was as if it was filled with water. She put it back down heavily on her dresser and turned to him, barely focused. Twenty-two? Twenty-three? In all their time here Tony had never thought about what exact age she probably was. He knew she was younger than Loki but he always had a hard time figuring out how much younger. They were thousands of years old in reality so maybe it didn't matter but still.

"Wrist."

He broke himself out of his trance and barely hesitated handing his wrist back to her. He didn't know how she'd seen it so quick. He hadn't been holding it when he came to her door, there was no attention on it but she still saw it.

"How did you see there was something wrong with my wrist? There was no way for you to tell that."

Despite everything going on right now Amaya managed to chuckle. It was a sad weak thing that made Tony feel worse instead of better but it was a chuckle.

"Back when we were in Jotunheim when he was always being attacked, that was the first thing I used to do to him every time I saw him. I had to be quick and sneaky about it, Loki doesn't like to be worried about but I got pretty good at seeing what was wrong." She smiled as she said it but the smile was just as sad as the chuckle. "Ya know I can't even blame that on the attacks he was always that bad. He used to hide it whenever he hurt something sparing his mother as well but he would never admit it. Queen Andora would always just... See what was wrong."

Her words were slurred and slow. She gently held his wrist and, as he was sure she'd done a thousand times before, her fingers began to dance with magic and she let them slowly work over his skin with gentleness and practiced ease. She barely looked like she was paying attention, like this barely even took any thought for her but underneath the surface of his skin, he could feel the muscles and skin being healed.

"You're good at this."

"Thank you."

It wasn't a compliment. He was grateful she could do it, it was nice having someone inside the house who could make sure they weren't hurt too badly but in their time here Tony had, deliberately, never stopped and thought about why Amaya was such a competent healer, all the things she'd seen, all the injuries she'd healed. The times she'd been the only thing between her very best friend, at this point her only friend, and death.

He couldn't imagine the states she must've seen him in. Was she there when the guards stabbed him? How many times did she heal him after the citizens attacked? Did she have to see him after he came home from Muspelheim? She probably did. Her and his mother, the only two mages willing to help him.

"Done."

"Huh?"

Tony blinked a few times, suddenly remembering where he was. He was in Amaya's room. His wrist was totally healed. He looked down in amazement. Coming from Earth where there was no magic and technology was good but some things had to happen on their own it was still amazing to him to have a wrist that was nearly broken before be healed now. He took back the before damaged limb and stretched it and there was no pain or damage.

"Thanks Amaya!"

"Don't mention it." She took another long swig from the bottle by her bed and fell back lazily with her hands over her eyes. He was sure she expected him to leave and part of him thought he should, it was none of his business, but he just couldn't.

"Hey, are you ok?"

"What he didn't tell you all the details of our latest fight?"

So it was a fight. Well she left crying Tony could piece that part together for himself.

"No he was lost in thought when I came in I tried to get his attention, then I tried to touch him while getting his attention and he- well you just healed what he did."

Amaya's already despaired expression turned to one of slight despair. She sat up just a little bit and oriented herself for a second.

"He hurt you?"

"Yeah. It was an accident."

"Is he ok?"

"Yeah he's fine he's upset about it but I'm sure once I show him I'm ok..."

He didn't finish that sentence. There was no point it wasn't true simply seeing his wrist wasn't going to erase for him the fact that he'd hurt him. He'd have to deal with that when he got back though.

"Seriously. Are you ok?"

Amaya stared off into the distance for a moment seeing... he didn't know what but she just sat and stared for a moment or two before she finally turned back to him.

"Do you know how old in human years children are typically chosen to be attendants?" Tony shook his head. "Anywhere from three to ten. I was three. The council and Loki's parents took me out of the courtyard and took me into the palace into a private room where they told me I would be chosen to attend prince Loki. I would be by his side, protecting him, making sure he had everything he needed, forever."

"How did you feel when they told you that?"

"I was ecstatic. I loved Loki. He was my best friend, we would be together forever guaranteed. As soon as I was pulled from the courtyard like that, everyone knew I was the one picked. It wasn't a surprise, Loki and I were already so close. If they didn't know then the next day when I was brought to my first classes to learn to be an attendant they definitely knew. I trained every day, day in and day out to prepare to do anything I was asked to do to take care of this person and I'm sure that was already going to be hard but then the attacks started... I've been with him through everything. There wasn't a day he cried, a time he was hurting, an event he went to that I didn't go with him, try to comfort him through, try to fix for him. I've spent my entire life trying to make sure he was ok and I will die making sure he is ok." She broke out into a short laugh. "It all comes full circle. My entire life has been about him for thousands of years. I lived to protect him and I'll die protecting him." The hairs on the back of his neck stood up.

"Why do you say it like that?" She looked at him curiously and confused like she didn't know what he meant and it was terrifying to him that she couldn't see why he was so concerned. "Why do you say it so certainly? Like you know you're going to die?" The smile never faded from her face. She even laughed, it was the most genuine one she'd let out the whole time, as if that was truly funny.

"Tony we're all going to die someday. Some sooner, some later." She laughed again and right in front of Tony's eyes afterward she turned over on her bed and fell asleep.

"Amaya? Amaya?"

But she didn't even move. Tony stared at her for a few seconds. He wanted to wake her up, he wanted to question her but there would be no point. She was passed out and drunk. There was no use. He slowly got up. The comforter for the bed was sitting on the floor beside her. He reached for it before he realized the warmth would probably be uncomfortable. Even that level of comfort for her he couldn't do. He slowly left and walked back to his room.

When he walked back in Loki was still sitting on the wall looking very concerned and still partially spaced but he tuned back in and turned to him quickly.

"Is your wrist ok?"

"My-yeah. Yeah, it's..." He looked at his wrist. He'd almost forgotten what happened... "Hey, Loki is Amaya alright?"

"I don't know Anthony I suppose she's probably a bit sad she looked a bit sad is your wrist ok?"

"Yeah, my wrist is fine what did she say? When you two were talking earlier what happened?"

"I don't know Anthony she said a lot of things."

"Loki you were so zoned out I tried to shake you back to awareness. I know you remember what she said what happened?"

He sounded absolutely crazy but he didn't care. Loki was finally starting to see how distressed Tony was. He sat up a bit straighter and slowly looked over him. 

"She said... She said she loved me. She said she wanted to... pretend we were still friends." That hurt, he didn't care how much Loki pretended it didn't hurt Tony could see it. He started to tune out again and Tony desperately wanted to comfort him but he didn't have time right now. He had to fix this first.

"Did she say anything else? Anything else at all?" There was a small tinge of concern in Loki's eyes that Tony could see he was trying to fight away but he couldn't do it. He would never be able to successfully fully take her out of his heart, not on his own anyway, and until he did whether through means magical or otherwise, something is wrong with her would still hurt.

"She... said she was going to fix this and... and when she does she's sorry." Tony didn't move. He didn't speak. He didn't do anything and it only made Loki more scared. He started to get up from the floor. "Is everything alright? What happened?" Tony didn't move or speak. His brain was moving at a million miles an hour. "Anthony?" Loki came over until he was by the doorframe by him. He took his arm and tried to shake him lightly. "Tony, what's wrong?"

"I think Amaya's planning to die."

Chapter Text

Static. White noise, that was all he heard for a moment. His mind went completely blank. Amaya was trying to die. It didn't make sense. Maybe individually each of those words meant something but together in a sentence like that they just... She was trying to...

"Why do you think this? What proof do you have?"

"I don't have proof I was just talking to her and she was talking about dying and... She said she lived for you and now she's going to die for you."

She was going to die for him? A volatile pool of emotions all stirred together in Loki's mind as he tried to process what Tony said, but all of his progress, all the things that Tony had taught him about dealing with his emotions went out the window as soon as he heard it. It was like paper in a hurricane. He stopped thinking, he stopped rationalizing. He just reacted.

"No.”

”What?”

”No.”

A hand grasped at the wall behind him as he shakily pulled himself up to his feet and slid around the room as quick as he was able, faster than he ever had before. His legs suddenly had a level of energy he'd been searching for for the better part of a year. He walked steadily around the room and to the door but when he made it to the door to the room, Tony blocked him.

”Loki-”

”Move."

"Loki-"

“Move or I move you.”

“Loki I get you're upset-"

”Stark move or I will move you.” 

He didn't want to give options. He didn’t want to listen. He didn’t want to take deep breaths. He didn’t want to calm down or think. He didn't want to name emotions. He needed to go see Amaya. Anything getting in the way of that goal right now was currently an obstacle.

“Loki listen if you go in like this-"

He grabbed him with the arm that wasn't leaning on the wall and ripped him away from the entrance of the door. The hallway that normally felt like it was miles long and usually took so long to travel now only took a few seconds. In moments he was in front of Amaya's door. He could hear Tony saying something down the hall behind him, he didn't care what as he violently started banging on the door with no care if it broke off the hinges in the process. 

“What is going on!”

”Pepper stay in your room!”

”Amaya! Open the door!”

”Loki you need to calm down!”

“Tony!”

”Pepper stay inside!”

He kept banging his fist. He never let up, not for a second. Tony came up behind him and stubbornly tried to pull him away from the door but Loki made sure his feet stayed planted right where they were. A tinge of pain was starting to enter his limbs but he didn't care. He couldn't care. He kept knocking, knowing only two things. One, he was going to make Amaya answer this door, and two, he was going to make sure whatever it was she was trying to do didn't come to fruition. 

"Open this door!"

Loki pulled his fist back to slam it on the door again but before he could, the door opened and in an instant, Amaya was standing in front of him. She looked like she'd just gotten up. She was swaying where she stood, she was holding onto the door for dear life. He glared at Tony when he saw the half-empty bottle of liquor in her hand, but that was the last thing Tony saw before he grabbed her by the arm and dragged them both inside her room, and slammed the door shut behind him.

"Loki wait!"

Loki sat down against the door of the room immediately. Tony kept knocking and shaking the door trying to get in, but it was no use. Loki was too heavy. Unless he voluntarily did it himself he would not be moved. The adrenaline started to slowly fade from his system. His body was starting to hurt but his nerves were high and he didn't care. Amaya for her part still just looked tired and unsteady. She swayed the few steps it took to reach her bad. She sat down with a sigh and turned to face him still looking little more than bored.

”What did you do?”

He was seething. He was trying to keep it together, to be as calm as he possibly could be under the circumstances but all he wanted to do was scream. Amaya made a small humming noise before looking around the room as if the answer to Loki's question was somewhere there hiding from her but after only a few seconds she simply gave up and shrugged.

”That's a broad question. You're gonna have to be more specific. I drank a lot of liquor so…” Amaya let the word trail on for a second before she took another drink. She squinted at the bottle for a second and then turned to him as if she forgot he was there. “Is that what this is about? Are you mad I'm drunk? Why is the room spinning?”

”Are you planning to die?”

He stared at her critically waiting for her reaction. The words felt so impossible coming out of his mouth but he couldn't let that stop him. He expected her to deny it, to put the whole thing off as speculation or a misunderstanding. He watched her closely for any sign of a lie, but after a moment of just sitting there, she finally nodded.

"Yes."

Everything stopped. Loki's heart froze in his chest. He kept watching her, waiting for her to go on and say it was a mistake, a misunderstanding, anything else at all but she just shrugged as if it didn't matter, as if she didn't matter. He waited and waited but she didn't take it back. She was serious.

"You're drunk. You don't need to do this just get some rest and you'll feel better in the-"

"I'm not changing my mind. I decided this sober. I'm dying. It's that simple."

He could feel the familiar fingers of death looming near him, never on him but always on the horizon for those around him. 

"Why? Why would you..."

He couldn't even finish the sentence. All of his coping mechanisms and processes turned into dust around him. This... He couldn't handle this. He didn't know how to fix this, he never knew how to fix this. He couldn't let this happen but he didn't have a way to prevent it and as he could feel himself starting to break down.

"Why? Why would you do this?" She looked away from him with a shrug. "Do you want to die?"

"No."

"Then why do this!"

"The jotun will kill you when we get home if I don't. If I don't you'll die I don't want you to..."

Loki stared in utter disbelief. They were parallels both in the exact same situation. The only difference is one of them could do something about it and the other couldn't. He didn't understand why she was doing this. Didn't she hate him? All of the things she'd said, all of the things they'd both done, she hated him. She had to. She doomed him to die before why was she going this?

"I'm not going to let you do this."

"I'm not giving you a choice. One of us-"

"Let it be me then! Let it be me! Tell my parents what I've done tell them why I don't have my magic and-"

And suddenly some things started to click. She could just give him his magic, then no one would have to die. She didn't really want to die he believed her in that so if she was still choosing that over giving him his magic back then...

"You were telling the truth. You really can't give me my magic back, can you?"

A slow sad smile spread across her face.

"You really don't listen Loki."

"Why? Why not just tell me and I'll fix it! Please just tell me what it is!"

"It's complicated." 

He felt dizzy. His eyes were wet and foggy and his throat was choking up and there was a lump in his throat that was so hard to swallow. He couldn't do this. He couldn't give up. Not yet. Loki pulled himself up by the door he didn't care how much it hurt. The adrenaline that helped him get to her room before was no longer pumping through his system. He could feel every bit of strain and exhaustion but she was right there. He had to reach her. She was right there. He tried desperately to take a step forward but as soon as he did, his vision went dark and something heavy hit the floor.

"Loki!"

Dual shouts of his name rang out as he hit the floor. He heard the sound of someone knocking on the door but it felt far away. He needed to get up but he couldn't move. He needed to save Amaya. He needed to fix this. He needed to find any way he could to fix this, but before he could do anything, he passed out.

Tony stopped banging on the door however long ago when he realized that the sounds coming from inside didn't sound violent. He burst into the room as soon as he heard the sound of something crashing and his heart stopped for a second when he saw Loki unconscious on the floor but drunk as she still was, Amaya was already there taking care of it.

"It's alright he just passed out."

"What happened?"

"Nothing he just fell. I think he was hurting and exhausted a bit more than he realized. He tried to walk over to me but..."

But. Nothing too serious compared to everything else. He was in good hands, Amaya could handle it. For once it wasn't Loki he was worried about right now. Tony didn't really know what to say. He'd never had to deal with something like this before. There had to be a way to handle this with carefulness and tact but at that moment he just couldn't see it.

"So we're just not going to talk about this?"

"Nothing to talk about."

”You’re planning on letting yourself die you don’t think that’s something to talk about?”

"Not particularly, no."

"And you really think he's just going to go along with that?"

"I don't know if you've both noticed this, but I'm not giving options. He'll die if I don't."

"You'll die if you do."

"Don't act like you can stand the thought of something bad happening to him."

"Why do you assume I won't care if something bad happens to you?"

Silence. Amaya worked with practiced ease making sure Loki didn't have a concussion or any other injuries from his fall. Tony's brain was working overtime right now. He needed a plan. He didn't even have enough details to form a plan.

”When?”

”Not while we're here.”

“When you go home, then? You know that's probably a long time off now they haven't even-"

“Your wedding is in two months. It's been set. Barring a tragedy, it won’t be moved again. King Laufey told me today. I wasn’t going to tell you, I was going to give you both one more happy week before you had to know but... well... surprise.”

Surprise. He would be married in two months. Surprise. She was going to die. Tony hated surprises. They would all be home in two months and when Loki and Amaya returned to Jotunheim...

“Wait, all of this is happening because the Jotun will attack him if he goes home right?"

"Yeah..."

"What if you didn’t go home? Wouldn't that be problem solved?”

”How would we do that? Where else would we go?”

”Earth.”

Amaya slowly shook her head as if it was already said and done.

”That’s not going to happen.”

”Why not, it could. I wanted Loki to stay on Earth anyway Pepper will send out a proposal-"

”She’s not going to send it.”

”What?”

"She’s not going to send it. She won't.”

“How do you know that?”

Amaya was quiet for a moment and for some reason for the first time in all of this, now she looked angry.

”Call it a hunch.”

There was a slight sound from the ground as Loki slowly started to sit up. Tony turned his attention immediately to him, filing away the previous thing for a later date. He looked very out of it but Tony didn't think that could completely be blamed on his fall.

Loki turned to look at Amaya. There were a million things in his eyes, a million things he wanted to say, and probably many, many more that he couldn't even put into words. No one knew what to say. He finally looked away from her to look around the room scanning until he found the item he was looking for.

"I need you to take that to the kitchen for her."

Tony turned to see what he was talking about and saw the very bottle he'd given her. Now looking back on it, that wasn't a good idea but that wasn't the point and they all knew it. The two Jotun needed some privacy. Tony quickly went over and grabbed the bottle. He stopped and squeezed Loki's shoulder on his way out, that was really all he could do, but the rest, the rest was up to them. He closed to door behind him.

"Is this what you were saying sorry for? When you said you were going to fix it..." Words failed him. He could feel tears behind his eyes but he begged them not to fall. "Please. Please don't do this."

"Loki I've already made up my mind."

"Unmake it!"

"What would you rather have me do?"

"I'd rather you live! I'd rather I die! Just let me die!"

"Would you let me die if this situation were reversed?"

This couldn't be real. He begged whoever he could that this couldn't be real, please don't let this be real but he was still here. This wasn't a nightmare. He couldn't just avoid this. It was happening. He buried his face in his hands.

"Why are you doing this? Why? You could live a happy life! You could study under a master, become an actual healer! You could do anything at all! Why are you doing this for me!"

"You really don't listen do you?"

No. Nonononononononno...

"Loki, I love you."

He wanted to scream. For the first time in a long time, he believed her. He started to cry.

Chapter Text

When they finally got back to the room Tony refused to let Loki be alone. He said something about wanting to comfort him and make sure he was ok and to some extent that was true, but that wasn't the main reason Tony refused to leave. He wanted to make sure he didn't do anything... drastic.

He saw it, the way Loki kept looking at the broken window on the other side of the room. The shards were all cleaned up but the edges were still jagged. There was furniture blocking the way but still, if one tried they could make a path... It was the perfect way to make sure Amaya didn't die. Loki just had to do it instead.

"Loki-"

"I won't do it."

"Because you don't want to?"

"Because you won't let me."

That was the only thing stopping him, the only thing stopping him from saving Amaya. The fact that he literally couldn't. His eyes were still welled up in sadness, fresh tears appearing every second even if they didn't all fall. Some of them did fall.

"I did this. I did this to her.”

”Loki that’s not true.”

”Who is she doing this for? Who is she dying to protect? Who got their magic taken because they couldn’t handle their own emotions?” New tears of despair were already joining together in Loki's eyes. “Who treated her so horribly? I told her I didn’t love her anymore. I called her a traitor.”

”You didn't know if you could trust her or not. She looked like she was trying to hurt you. You had no real way of knowing.”

”She was my best friend. She has seen me through every bad day I’ve had. Out of everyone who claimed to love me before everything, she was the only one who proved it. She stayed and she loved me no matter what it cost her. I should’ve never doubted her in the first place.”

Tony opened his mouth to rebuttal but he closed it immediately. He tried to find something helpful to say but Loki was right. He could try to tell him he wasn’t but at that point he’d only be patronizing him. Still, it didn't matter. Whether he was right or wrong it wasn't going to help them save Amaya now.

“Listen, I understand you're upset with yourself Loki but we need to deal with that later. Right now we need to find a way to save Amaya. She's not gone yet."

He didn't believe him. He could see it all over his face. It was hopeless. In his mind it was all happening again, the terrible cycle of his life was repeating and taking another person he loved. Just for knowing him in his mind, she was already gone. Tony couldn't let him think like that. They couldn't afford it right now.

"Hey. Hey, listen to me." He put his hand on Loki's cheek and moved his face until he was looking him in the eye. "She's not gone yet. She's still here and she's still alive for now. If we don't do something, she will be gone. We need to do something."

Loki still looked uncertain. He looked downright hopeless. He looked like he thought this was a futile endeavor, but still for a after a few seconds he hesitantly nodded. He had to. If he owes her nothing else, he owed it to her to try. That was all Tony needed.

"Let's think. She's going to die and it's somehow going to save you. There's going to be something she does that saves you that will get her killed. What could that be?"

"Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down? How are we to know what she plans to do based on that? If she's going to do something that can get her killed then can be anything!"

"Ok well, she doesn't plan to do it until after the wedding, until you get home so let's see... What are some ways that Amaya could die when you two return to Jotunheim." Loki looked almost sick. "Hey. I know you don't want to think about it and I'm sorry you have to but you're the only one who knows what dangers you two deal with over there."

"I know, I know just… give me a second…” Loki thought about it silently for a moment. “She could get hurt by an attacker. She could try to defend us herself and die."

"No it's not that. That's too up in the air."

"It's not. They will attack."

"Yeah I know they'll attack we both know that but Amaya doesn't know attack or defense magic. Whatever this is she's planning she seems very sure it'll save you and I don't think she'd be so sure about her skills to defend you."

"You're right. It's something more certain than that..." Loki tried his best to think of other possibilities.

"What are some other dangers you two face? What are some other ways you almost died before?"

Some other ways he could've... "The council! The council can put someone to death if they've committed a crime."

"I thought your parents got the final ruling?"

"Not in all things but in most. Most of our laws if broken require a hearing in court in which the accused will plead their case. In those cases, my parents have the final say but there are a few laws in our courts with an immediate sentence."

"Ok such as what, what are they?"

"Most of them have to do with the improper use of magic... A mage cannot use runes to reanimate the dead."

"Could she do that?"

"Not likely. She doesn't know how, it's an incredibly complicated spell, and while I'm sure she could learn it eventually I'll be floated off to sea by by the time she does. She won’t be able to place them on me."

"What else?"

"There is one about using magic to force someone to your will."

"Is that spell hard to learn?"

"That one she may be able to master in time but she doesn't have the magic stores to do it."

"Couldn't she use your magic?"

"No, when we back to Jotunheim my magic will be destroyed and I-"

Loki stopped. His face lit up in shock and realization as he figured it out.

"...they will have to have your magic destroyed, forever."

"What? What is she going to do?"

"My magic has to be destroyed. When we return to Jotunheim my parents will demand to know why it was taken and she will have to tell them."

"She will have to tell them what?"

"That she took it because I attacked you. That crime has an automatic punishment. That mage's magic must be destroyed. I will be declared a stricken mage."

"Ok, so? What's important about that do you have to die for that by law?"

"No, but without magic, I will die. My magic would be gone. I couldn't defend myself without it unless someone gave me theirs. The punishment for giving one's magic to a stricken mage is automatic death. She's going to give me her magic."

"Can she do that?"

"All she has to do is be in contact with me. Technically speaking it doesn't matter how, she just has to be touching me for only a few seconds."

"Do you think she could manage that?"

"If I were at full health even without my magic I could avoid her but with my current progress, I will barely be able to make it through the wedding ceremonies. I can't avoid her when functioning is this hard."

Tony held his head in frustration trying not to rip his hair out.

"This would be ten times easier if we just knew why she can't give you your magic back in the first place! Did she say anything about why?"

"When I asked again she said it was complicated."

"So we can assume it's something she can't talk on."

"You were talking to her while I was... out, yes?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you ask her about it?"

"No we didn't talk about magic, we tried to figure out a solution to this, or at least I did. I thought at first you guys could stay on Earth but then-"

"Then what?"

Tony froze. She wouldn't send it. She said she wouldn't send it. He got up from the floor uneasily.

"I'll be right back." Tony got up and started heading for the door.

"Where are you going? What happened?"

"I just have to go check on something real quick-"

"Anthony you're doing something that impacts the life or death of my best friend. Tell me."

Tony hesitated, standing uncertainly at the door half wanting to run but the other half knowing Loki was one hundred percent right. He owed him an answer, even if he didn't know how he would handle the information.

"I need to go ask a question really quick. When I get back no matter what happens I'll tell you what happened, I promise."

Loki looked far from happy but he didn't try to stop him again as he went again for the door. He paused suddenly though when he realized going to ask a question meant leaving Loki alone.

"Loki-"

"I will not move. You have one chance to try to find a solution your way. If it doesn't work, I will make my own solutions."

That made Tony very uneasy. The very thought of Loki making his own solution was terrifying and all too threatening, but he had one chance. He couldn't stand her and waste it. He nodded slightly.

"I'll be right back."

Moments later Tony was out the door. He sped down the hallways trying to take as many deep breaths as possible and calm himself down as he ended up right in front of Pepper's door. He knocked quickly foot bouncing the whole time until a few seconds later when she answered it.

"Tony? Are you ok? What was that earlier, what's going on?"

"Oh yeah sorry about that Pep. Nothing happened everything's ok it was a misunderstanding."

"Oh, ok. Are you alright? You're not hurt are you?"

"No I'm fine I'm fine Loki didn't hurt me."

"Good. Do you have a second? There's something I want to talk to you about actually."

Tony shifted uneasily. "Uh... Yeah, I got a second Pep what's up?" Tony hesitantly followed Pepper inside the room as she closed the door behind him.

"Tony listen I know you like Loki and I know you want him to stay on Earth but I really don't think that's a good decision."

Everything in Tony's brain went blank. "What makes you say that Pep?"

"I don't think he's safe enough to be there. He's dangerous Tony, he flies off the handle at the drop of a hat and suddenly he starts trying to hurt everything he sees. I don't think it's safe."

Tony's nails bit deeply into his arm as he listened so hard he almost drew blood. Breathe. Breathe. He had to breathe.

"He's gotten a lot better, he hasn't been doing that. I know it's hard to see from the outside but he's working on it Pep.He’s been through a lot and he’s handling it the best he can. He isn't an animal, he's traumatized."

"Tony he just did it again earlier with Amaya! He was banging on her door so hard, I thought he was going to hurt her!"

Breathe. "He didn't hurt anyone, he was distressed. He found out something really bad he was trying to deal with it."

"That's not how people deal with things. That's not how he should deal with things if he's not dangerous."

Tony's breathes failed him as he quickly went from deep breathes to breathing like a bull seeing red.

"You know he's going to die there, right? If he goes home he's going to die. Being on Earth could save his life!"

"Tony we don't know that-"

"We know that Pepper! We know that! he will die if he goes back there!"

"So I should let you die here because he may die there?" Tony stared at her incredulously. "He's not safe Tony! He's going to kill you! He will snap one day and when he does he'll kill you! I'm not letting him stay with that type of risk!"

Tony's gaze turned steely as he looked at her, stubborn and authoritative. He didn’t know what was going on with her why she was acting like this but he didn’t have time to care. Either Loki or Amaya was going to die if he didn’t do something.

"I asked you to send it before. Now I'm telling you. Send it. That's an order."

"No. I'm the only one who can contact your parents. You can't make me tell them."

"I'll ask them when we get there myself! I'll ask them in person."

"By then it'll be too late. They're not going to allow something like that last minute. At the very least they'll make him go home so they can consider it and maybe they'll let him come back."

"He'll be dead by then. You knew that, didn't you? You were planning on that, weren't you? You're ok with that?"

"He's. Not. Safe."

"He's not an animal! He’s not rabid he needs help not to go back to the place where he was attacked in the first place!"

"He is dangerous Tony. It’s my job to keep you safe, it’s always been my job. It's not a risk I'm willing to take."

Tony stared in utter shock. Pepper didn't even bat an eye. He only had one more question now. Everything as it was he might as well ask it.

"Why can't Amaya give him his magic back?"

"That has nothing to do with me."

"You sure? Because you seem so sure Loki will die when he gets back to Jotunheim and he won't die if he has his magic."

Pepper froze. Busted.

"I'm not telling you."

"Pepper so help me if you don't tell me what happened I will tell the Jotun monarchy you are the reason he got his magic taken."

"You can't do that, you don't have proof and it's not true."

"It's not true? Whose fault is it that he doesn't have his magic?"

"His own."

Tony stared. Pepper stood and went over to the door and opened it for him professionally, as a good attendant should do.

"I'm doing this for you Tony."

Tony glared at her as he walked out the door, dizzy with hatred and rage.

"You're doing this to spite him." He slammed the door behind him and walked back to his room.

As soon as he opened the door, Loki looked up at him hopefully. He hadn't moved from his spot.

"Did you ask your questions? Do you know why I can't have my magic?"

Tony's head felt dizzy. He could hardly think but he somehow slowly shook his head. "No. But I know who does know."

Chapter Text

Almost as soon as Tony left Pepper's device started to beep. Perfect timing. She couldn't imagine what would've happened if it went off while Tony was there. Pepper took a moment to compose herself and sit down in front of her desk before she put on a professional smile and answered it.

"Good morning Mr. Stark. How is everything on Earth?"

"It'll be better once this wedding is over."

Howard Stark looked tired and annoyed, the current normal for the old king. He had bags under his eyes and he was getting slower and more lethargic by the day and it had nothing to do with aging.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No. Things are proceeding smoothly now that the Asgardians aren't behaving like children. The boys will both be able to go home in two months' time. Their trip will be over soon. Are they still not getting along?"

"I'm afraid not sir. They can be civil if required to by circumstance but other than that they are at each other's throats. I believe they should be able to tolerate each other enough for their political alliance but other than that they're probably best kept apart."

"That's unfortunate. I don't know how much they'll be able to avoid each other in the beginning but the palace is large. We'll have them placed in opposite wings once everything settles down."

Pepper didn't try to argue with the king. There was no need, she had the contract, signed proof of what happened. She might show it to them sooner if she could out of sheer spite for everything she'd been put through here, but if she did the wedding wouldn't happen and their political alliance would die. She just had to plant the seed for the idea for him to be sent home. Once the king and queen saw the contract, they would come to that conclusion "on their own."

"Not a problem. I'll make sure that's arranged. You said the wedding is definitely in two months?"

"Yes, that's the final date. If they can stand each other a bit longer, it'll all be over."

"I understand. It will be hard but I believe they can stand each other long enough for that. I'll make sure to let Tony know."

"Good. And see to it that he has the designs done for the presentation when he gets home. I want it done as soon as possible."

"Yes sir. Not a problem."

They exchanged a few more petty words detailing certain parts of the wedding, questioned about why Tony and Loki kept fighting, and all other manners of things but Pepper barely paid any attention. She answered the questions posed to her and smiled dutifully until she hung up and returned back to the real world of this house. 

This place was a nightmare, a hellhole she didn't want to have to suffer through anymore and it was all because of the two jotun. One was a raging psychopath and the other was his babysitter. She didn't understand how they survived this long like this. Meanwhile, all Tony wanted to do was play doctor. She had to admit, this was his longest crush yet. She didn't get the infatuation, Tony had plenty of people vying for his attention all throughout his life but he'd never stayed stuck on someone so long. Though she supposed right now his options were very few.

She didn't understand why Tony was always so automatically willing to throw his safety away for another one of his projects. He always had a hard time treating dangerous situations with the correct amount of caution, a fact that the events of this house more than proved. Amaya told her the stories, she knew what happened to Loki in his past. She got why he was so dangerous and she really felt bad, really, but in all honesty that wasn't her fault. She wasn't the one who hurt him, she wasn't the reason he was as messed up as he was. She wasn't going to let her life deteriorate because he had some sad stuff happen that she wasn't at fault for.

At first, she was going to handle things in a way that was a bit more... humane. She was going to let Amaya give Loki his magic back when they returned to Jotunheim. They could both go on living their lives away from humans. There were some problems there, sure, but it was nothing they hadn't handled before. Everyone would be happy and no worse for wear, it was the perfect solution. Then, that plan became complicated.

Tony liking Loki was already a terribly unfortunate outcome of this house. She hadn't seen it coming when they first got there, she was sure they'd hate each other forever, but that wasn't the worst part of it all. The worst part was that Loki liked him back. The impossible became the reality. Now she had to handle things in a way that was a bit meaner, because now that Loki liked Tony she couldn't let him have his magic back. Magic was powerful. Magic could do things she couldn't even dream of. If Loki had his magic, she was sure he and Tony would never truly be apart again.

How easy would it be for Loki to teleport into Tony's bedroom when no one was watching? How easy would it be to evade Jarvis's sensors? How long would Tony stay unguarded in the presence of someone who somehow killed everyone he ever loved? He wouldn't even see it coming when Loki one day snapped his neck. It was like giving a stray dog food, if you did it too much it would come back for more. That wasn't safe. So, now the plan had to change.

She wasn't doing anything bad to them. She just wouldn't give him his magic back and they would return to Jotunheim. She would have nothing to do with anything that happened after that, she would be back on Earth back in the daily grind of things. He started it really when he attacked Tony in the first place. No, she wouldn't let someone like that put their lives in danger. She was sure by the time a month passed she wouldn't even remember her time here with Loki, and neither would Tony, and as for Amaya and Loki... well... She supposed she wasn't their attendant, was she?

She reclined back at her desk stretching out all the kinks in her neck and shoulder. She had a mile of documents to go through and she was tired. Still, she made herself open her tablet and start scrolling endlessly through the content there. After all, there was no rest for the wicked.

"Did you ask your questions? Do you know why I can't have my magic?"

"No. But I know who does know."

Loki fidgeted while Tony sat down, still reeling from his conversation. He couldn't believe that just happened.

"Well? I'm assuming you went to talk to Ms. Potts?"

"Yeah. She knows something."

"She knows what exactly?"

"She won't tell me what."

Loki's eyes narrowed dangerously. Tony was so grateful Loki was so exhausted from earlier. Charging off down the hallway, banging on Amaya's door, those things took a lot of energy whether he felt them at the time or not. Even if he was furious with the results of his discussion Tony felt better knowing he couldn't go 'demand' answers from Pepper right this second.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. Something suspicious is going on. She tried to hide the fact that she knew anything at all."

"How did you find out she knew something?"

"She accidentally talked a bit too much and let me in on some information."

"And that information was?"

All the details of his recent exchange bopped around in his head refusing to make sense. Maybe it was just because he never expected a conversation like that to happen.

"It's a bit complicated Lokes, you're going to have to let me do some explaining."

Loki's arms crossed stubbornly in front of him as if he had all the time in the world.

"I'm listening."

"A little while back I asked Pepper to send a proposal to your parents and mine requesting that you and Amaya both stay on Earth after the wedding."

Tony paused to let Loki digest that for a moment. The other prince's stern, focused face changed for just a moment to one of total shock and surprise in the span of two blinks before he quickly got it back under control. Even still, he still looked like he almost didn't believe him, as if there was no way he would actually do something like that for him.

"You did... what? I... We will come back to that... Later. I assume she sent it?"

"No, she didn't. Amaya somehow knew she wouldn't so I went and asked her about it and she started saying a bunch of stuff-"

"What stuff, Anthony? You're not being specific."

"She thinks you're dangerous. She thinks if you stay on Earth one day eventually you'll... snap."

"Snap?"

"Like... try to kill me."

Loki barely reacted, but Tony could see his hands grip the insides of his arms just a little bit tighter when he heard that.

"Continue."

"So she told me she didn't send it and I told her I would ask both our parents at the wedding and she said that decision would take time and without your magic, you would die before they could reach it. She knows you won't have your magic when you return to Jotunheim."

Loki's eyes narrowed.

"Yes, she seems very sure of it. She's betting on it in fact. If she gets her way, Amaya will die trying to save me."

Tony nodded. Loki's face gave away nothing. Tony could see him thinking about something, trying to reason with something but he wasn't sure what. He finally looked at him again after a minute and even still Tony couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"She is your attendant."

"Yes."

"And I'm assuming you're... fond of her?"

"I don't want anything bad to happen to her."

Loki nodded again. Tony was getting more and more anxious by the second as he tried to figure out what Loki was going to do.

"How would you like to handle this Anthony?"

As soon as he heard Loki say it he looked visibly surprised. He wasn't sure what he was going to hear from him next, considering the seriousness of the situation he was well within his rights to do many unspeakable things. Tony shook himself for a second before he tried to find an honest answer to Loki's question. 

"Honestly Lokes, I'm not sure. I just don't want her to get hurt."

"She has information that could save Amaya's life."

"Yes-"

"She wants me to die. She is doing this specifically so I will die and she's taking Amaya down with me. She's killing us so we can't have a chance of living with you. Is that correct?"

Tony slowly nodded.

"So you understand what I mean when I say I will do absolutely anything to protect Amaya. I will eviscerate Ms. Potts if I have to. I will give her new reasons to be afraid of me. But she is your attendant and you don't want her to get hurt. So I'm asking you because I... care about you, how would you prefer I handle it?"

"You can't guarantee you'll agree to whatever I say can you?"

"No. But I will listen to it."

"Let me talk to her. Let me try to fix it."

"She has already made it clear she does not want to talk to you on the subject."

"Give me some time, let me try to convince her."

"Why would she agree to tell you something like that?"

"I'll tell her not to send the proposal. I'll promise not to bring it up at the wedding and to... let you both return to Jotunheim. I'll let you go home if you can have your magic."

There was a look in Loki's eyes at that. He didn't want to go home and Tony didn't want him to either, but they didn't have any other options. At least this way he and Amaya would have each other, both alive.

"I'll take the deal off the table completely. You go back to Jotunheim after the wedding, and I won't propose another plan about it. I'll forget about it."

"You still don't know if that will be enough to convince her."

"All I'm asking is a chance to try. Give me a week to try and talk to her. Pepper's very stubborn but I've known her for years now. At least let me try."

Loki still looked hesitant but he wasn't disregarding it.

"A week is a long time. We don't even know how much longer we have here-"

"Two months. Amaya just found out she was going to give us one more week to enjoy ourselves. We have two more months."

Loki looked around weighing the invisible options. Tony could tell it was still difficult to decide even now, but after a moment he took a deep breath and nodded.

"You have one week to get her to tell you something. If she hasn't told you what she knows about my magic by the time that time is up, I will handle this myself.  She will tell me. Make no mistake Anthony, I care about you. I care a lot about you. I do not care about her. If she doesn't want to talk, I will make her and I don't care what I have to do to achieve that, do you understand?"

Tony nodded slowly.

"Good."

Loki slowly moved to sit against his normal wall, the tension of the day finally breaking, but Tony didn't join him. The adrenaline and fear were finally leaving the atmosphere as Loki settled into his exhaustion more and more. With those two things gone, all it left behind was sadness.

It amazed Tony that Loki could go from so terrifying to so sad so quickly, but maybe it shouldn't have surprised him. Maybe that's what was always under his anger, his scary persona he sued to feel safe. After all, wasn't all of this just another fight in his endless struggle to one day feel safe? Defending himself endlessly, that's all he did.

"Come here."

Tony moved to where Loki was and moved them both until Loki was once again sitting with his back against Tony's chest. He let himself lean back just a bit. Tony let a stray hand rub circles around Loki's stomach. It wasn't pushed away. It was one of the only forms of comfort he could give him right now. One of Loki's hands came to rest on the one that was rubbing his stomach, gently stroking the back of Tony's. The two sat in their misery together.

"I'm sorry Lokes."

He couldn't see what Loki was seeing behind his eyes, but whatever it was, it wasn't making him any happier. He shook his head.

"It's all my fault. I did this again. I'm sorry Anthony for... for anything I might do, but I can't let anything bad happen to her."

"I know."

Loki leaned back farther. Tony held him as best he could, trying to offer him something and Loki was glad he was there but neither of them could fix their problem. Still, they could comfort each other through it.

“You really wanted to send a proposal to both your parents and mine asking if I could stay on Midgard?”

”Well… Yeah. I don’t want you to go back Lokes. I don’t want you to have to deal with what that place puts you through.”

”And do you agree with Ms. Potts? Do you think there is a chance I might someday… snap?”

"No, I know you'd never snap on me Lokes."

"What about on somebody else? I am not harmless. What if I returned with you to Midgard and... snapped on someone?"

"Amaya and I will do everything to prevent that. The first few days after the wedding we can just stay in my room. No one will come to look for us and we can have our food delivered. We can just be alone together. It'll give you some time to adjust."

"How can we stay in your room after the wedding? Won't we have things to take care of?"

"We'll be newlyweds, everyone will assume we're too busy."

"Doing what?"

Tony turned to stare at Loki for a second, sure he was kidding, but he looked completely serious and genuinely confused.

"Doing... each... other?"

"Is that expected of us? Why would everyone assume that?"

"That's just what normally happens, people get married, and then they have sex on their wedding night. That's how it works on Earth."

"So everyone is a virgin until they get married?"

"Well... no."

Loki gave him a look but after a second he just turned back and shook his head.

"Midgardians are strange."

"Hey! Jotun are just as confusing!"

"How are we confusing?"

"You're blue!"

"And you're pink."

Tony opened his mouth to argue but he closed it almost immediately. He tensed for a moment before he relaxed. It might've been Tony's imagination but he swore for a second Loki leaned back further into his chest. for a moment there together even despite everything, it was peaceful. Their problems were still there, they could still feel them but they could hold each other through it.

"I suppose we do have more differences than we typically notice."

"I suppose so."

"You know where I would've learned more about those differences?"

Loki turned to Tony eyes narrowed.

"Stark..."

"Somewhere where I could've really learned about the cultural intricacies of Jotun people?"

"Don't say it."

"Jotun history-ouch!"

Tony turned and glared at the mage who barely even looked fazed while he rubbed the arm that Loki had just punched.

"Rude!"

"I warned you."

"Still! Rude!"

Loki chuckled, but he did lean over and kiss the offending limb.

"There. All better?"

"How did you know to do that?"

"Our cultures do have some things in common."

Tony hummed. He leaned back further against the wall, taking Loki with him until they were both more comfortable.

"Hey Lokes, can I ask you something?"

"Hm?"

"What are you going to do? When you see her next I mean.”

"Who Pepper? I’m honestly not sure that’s a question you want an answer to.”

"Not Pepper. Amaya.”

Loki went completely silent. His hand went still over Tony’s and they both sat there for a moment while the silence stretched on until Loki finally shook his head.

"I don’t know. I can never repay what I've done, what she's done for me. I can never make this up.”

"She still loves you.”

"That’s why I will never be able to repay this.”

Tony kept moving his fingers nonchalantly for a minute. He was trying his best to resist the urge to ask but he had to know. 

"When I talked to her earlier, she said attendants get chosen pretty young. She said she was chosen when she was three.”

"Yes about then.”

"That doesn’t ever cause any problems? Telling a kid that young the rest of their life is going to be devoted around this one person? Did she get the chance to… I don’t know… opt out?”

"You mean did she have a chance to refuse to be my attendant?” Tony nodded. “Yes. When a child is chosen they have to right to refuse to be an attendant.”

"And after that? Can she quit?”

"Not… really… I can have her released from her oath. That has only happened in the case of an attendant doing something particularly heinous.” 

The strangest look crossed Loki’s face. It was as if he’d never considered the question before then. He hummed slightly as he thought about it. 

"Why are they chosen so young?”

"When our race was younger children were expected to work just as adults were albeit with smaller matters. The children of monarchs were expected to take on more responsibility than most so an attendant was chosen for them to help them carry out their duties. I suppose after that it just became a tradition."

"Did you ever think serving someone like that, having to obsess over someone else's every need like that might have been... unhealthy?"

Loki didn't speak. Tony thought at first that he might've pushed him too hard but when he looked at him he was lost deep in thought.

"Loki?"

"No. I didn't."

He sounded amazed, as if the thought had honestly never occurred to him before. Tony regretted not waiting to have this conversation with him. On top of all the other things happening, it was another nail driven into the coffin.

"I'm sorry Lokes. I shouldn't have brought it up. You're tired. Get some rest."

Loki didn't argue with the statement but he didn't look like he loved the idea either.

"I will likely have a nightmare."

"Wake me up if you do. I'll sit up with you. We can talk about it together."

Loki nodded and relaxed into Tony with his head on his chest and he slowly fell asleep not long after, Tony joined him.

Chapter Text

Loki stared at the marks in the wood of Amaya's door in front of him silently, not moving and still not knocking on the door. He'd been sitting there, staring at it for over an hour now. He'd lifted his hand more times than he could count but he couldn't bring himself to actually make contact. He still didn't know what to say.

I guess I just wanted to pretend we were still friends.

That was yesterday. Yesterday he was so sure she'd betrayed him he sent her out of his room with tears in her eyes and didn't even think twice. How was he sitting here today in front of her door ready to grovel at her feet if it meant she'd ever be able to see him the same way again?

He raised his hand for the hundredth time sure it wouldn't be his last but before he could put his hand down in shame again he gasped as the door suddenly started to open from the inside. Amaya screeched and jumped back when the door suddenly hit something. Loki was sure he would've tried to hide if he could move that fast.

"Loki? Is that you?"

He hesitated, not wanting to answer that question, but she'd already caught a glimpse of him through the open door. He backed up just enough so she could open it enough to see her. He didn't look at her. He couldn't bring himself to. She was completely silent for a moment, shocked he was sure that he was sitting there in front of her after everything.

"Loki what are you doing?"

"I've come... I've come to apologize. For the way I've acted and the way I've treated you and the things I've accused you of during this trip, I'm sorry."

He looked up at her slightly just in time to see her go completely rigid. Loki stared, waiting for something. He was ready for any type of reaction, from crying to violence, he didn't care what she did, he deserved it. All he wanted was his friend back. He didn't care if she told him to jump into another lava field. If that is what it would take for her to forgive him, he would do it.

She stared at him for a second, shocked and disbelieving. A second later she composed herself. Her face reset itself to a very friendly almost professional looking smile. It was the sort of look that belonged more on Ms. Potts, face not hers and it was clear she was actively struggling to hold it, but she did. It almost even looked convincing.

"I forgive you."

Loki stared at her in confusion for a moment. The words were scripted, she sounded like she was reading them to him. It was exactly what he'd wanted, exactly what he'd hoped for but it wasn't right. It wasn't genuine. She started to leave.

"You're... Not mad?"

The too-big smile that stretched across her face almost looked like it hurt. In her eyes there was only pain despite how hard she was trying to hide it. She looked at him for only a second before she quickly turned back around and headed off down the hallway again.

"I'm just happy to have you back."

The words were thrown behind her. She was almost racing down the hallways with how fast she was moving. It was like she was trying to escape.

"Amaya!"

As soon as she heard her name, she just walked faster. He heard the front door open and close a few moments later and she was gone. He stared after her confused for a few minutes even after she left.

What was that? Was she so angry at him that she didn't even want to share space with him? If so he could not blame her after his actions, but if that was the case why was she lying? Loki slowly got up and started heading back towards his room. When he got there Tony was still asleep.

He couldn't blame him. He'd woken him up twice during the night due to nightmares. He stayed up with him and they talked through each one until he calmed down enough to get to sleep again. He finally managed to get some sleep in the final parts of the night, but he still had too much on his mind to stay under for long.

He crawled back into Tony's arms. Tony barely reacted, he made a small noise and put his hand back over Loki's stomach but that was all he had time for before he fell back asleep. Even in Tony's arms though, all he could think about was Amaya. He was confused before on what to do. Now he had no idea.

It was hours before Tony woke up. Loki knew as soon as he did, could feel him rousing behind him stretching his arms out and yawning to wake himself up the rest of the way but it still didn't break him from his already very occupied train of thought. A pair of strong arms wrapped loosely around him and Tony leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek but Loki could barely pay it any attention.

"Morning Lokes."

"Hmm."

Tony's face turned to concern immediately.

"Is everything ok? Did you have another nightmare?"

"Hm? No. No I'm... just..."

Loki trailed off, already lost back in his thoughts before he could even finish the sentence.

"Loki? Hey. Lokes!"

"Hm!"

He quickly turned towards Anthony, finally brought back to reality at least for a little while by the concern heavy in his voice.

"Loki what's wrong? Did something happen? Are you ok?"

"I talked to Amaya."

"Oh. Ok, how did it go?"

"She said she forgives me."

Under any other circumstances, those words would be reason for celebration. Tony could see this time they weren't.

"Ok. Did she say anything else?"

"Just that she forgives me and she's happy that I'm back."

"Ok, so what's the problem Lokes?"

"She's lying. I don't know if she's angry at me or... I don't know. I can understand if she is but..."

"But you'd rather she just tell you that?" Loki nodded. "And you're sure she's lying."

"Yes. I'm positive."

Tony sighed and started to unwrap himself from around Loki and get up.

"Where is she?"

"She went outside. Are you going to talk to her?"

"Do you not want me to?"

Loki opened and closed his mouth. His first instinct was to scream no, he didn't. She was his best friend, he would talk to her, he was the one who messed up and he would be the one who would fix this. But whether he may like it or not, that simply wasn't the situation. He nodded his head yes. Tony left without another word.

Amaya stared out at the landscape stretching out in front of her. The forests and the clearing around them really were beautiful. She wished she'd had more time during this trip to enjoy them. She sighed.

What was she doing here? She'd just gotten something she'd desperately wanted, something she believed by now was so impossible she didn't even hold hope for it anymore. Loki believed her. He believed her and he apologized for everything he'd done. She had her best friend back. Why didn't that sound so good to her anymore?

It happened exactly as she had dreamed, back when everything first happened, when he first started to hate her. He understood, maybe not everything, but he finally realized she did love him and she was protecting him the whole time and he apologized. All the hatred in his heart for her retreated immediately, it was completely gone now. All that was left was love just as it had always been before this trip, but for some reason, she just couldn't completely return it.

She could feel his emotions the entire time. She felt it when he felt the guilt and the shame, the fear he had when she looked at him. She felt how genuine he was, he really meant it. He regretted how he treated her. He was so sure she'd betrayed him when she never did. When she never had. When she never would.

What was wrong with her? Why was she out here? Why wasn't she in there talking to him, laughing with him, enjoying his presence the way she should be, like they used to? Why wasn't she spending time with her best friend? Why didn't she feel like he was her best friend anymore? Why couldn't she just get over it? She heard the door open softly behind her and close a second later.

"He sent you after me?"

"Not quite but close guess."

Tony stood above her right in front of the stairs looking out at the field, but where she looked at it with wonder and beauty he looked at it with familiarity.

"I somehow keep forgetting you've been here before."

"Not in a long time but Alfheim is Alfheim. It never changes. This field's looked exactly like this since I was little."

"It's nice sometimes when things don't change."

"Sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't work that way."

They weren't talking about the field. He was confused scared and worried when she left the way she did. The first person he was going to when he felt like that was Tony. She used to be the first person he used to go to, but things weren't the way they used to be, were they?

"Are you still mad at him?"

"No. I never was. He thought I betrayed him."

"Yeah he did, and in thinking that he hurt you repeatedly and constantly over the course of almost a year."

Amaya flinched.

"Why are you saying it that way?"

"That's what happened Amaya."

"I can't blame him for that."

"Of course you can."

"No, I can't! I can't act like what he did wasn't... It made sense, I understand why he acted the way he did but-"

"Oh!" She turned suddenly, surprised when he suddenly clapped loudly and stared at her with wide understanding eyes, like he finally just understood everything she'd been saying. "You understand, you get why he did it! His actions make sense and so, there's no problem right? All those annoying little emotions will just go away any minute now then because you understand why didn't you just start with that, I thought we were dealing with something different."

Amaya's teeth grit together in anger. She really forgot how annoying Tony could be when he wanted to be.

"What is wrong with you? Is that really how you want to respond to all of this?"

"Oh I'm sorry is the way I'm responding to all of this making you a bit mad?"

"Obviously!"

"Do you understand why I'm doing it?"

"Yes!"

"Is understanding it making you any less angry?"

Her magic sparked around her like electricity. Her eyes glowed with rage in a way that quickly reminded him that she may not be as dangerous as Loki but that didn't quite make her harmless either. Tony finally sat down, feet on the top step leaning back on his hands.

"Sorry. Needed to make a point."

Amaya grit her teeth against the anger.

"It's fin-"

"No, it's not. I intentionally made you mad to prove a point to you. I chose that way for a reason, but there were a bunch of different ways I could've done that. They would've been less annoying but I chose that one."

"So you just don't want me to forgive you? That's your point right?"

"No. I want you to be mad. It was annoying, I was annoying, and as a result of that, you're mad. Just be mad, what's so wrong with that?"

What was so wrong with that. What was so wrong with that he asked. What was so wrong with being mad at him? What was so wrong with wanting to scream at him for annoying her so badly? What was so wrong with wondering if she would ever be able to see her best friend the same way again? 

She'd suffered so much, there were so many things she'd seen so many horrifying realities she'd had to face all her life. She was orphaned by a war she didn't understand, watched her best friend by vilified by his own people, tried to patch him together and keep him together when he was broken physically and mentally over, and over, and over, and over.

Life was never easy. This wasn't the first hard day of her life, it wouldn't be the last. But this one was different. In all that time, in all that suffering and pain and fear and desperation, she'd never once been alone. This was the first time in her life that she felt alone.

Her anger at Tony subsided. It didn't take long, she gave herself a second to imagine punching him in the arm in her rage, and then it was gone, leaving just as fast as it came. She had a feeling her other problem wouldn't quite be such a quick fix and she wished she could know that the same principle would apply, but...

"I don't want to feel like this. I don't... I don't want to see him this way."

"You don't get a choice in that Amaya. It's going to hurt. They're feelings that's what they do sometimes."

"So what do I get a choice in?"

"How you react I guess. Not really much more to it. You can decide you hate him forever and you never want to be friends with him again, you can forgive him, you can pretend none of it ever happened and keep hurting. Decision's yours really."

"This is the part where you're supposed to tell me what to do and help me make the right choice."

"Nope."

"You know if I decide to hate him forever his emotional state will likely spiral, right? I know you don't want that."

"No. I don't. But you're the one he hurt, you get to decide how to handle it. If he spirals I'll catch him but you're the one who decides how to handle this."

"Didn't you used to just give me alcohol whenever I got sad? What happened to that?"

"I figured I should at least try my best effort at resolving this before I resort to chaos. Plus do you have any idea how many psychological papers I've had to read trying to figure out the best way to help Loki? I'm getting good at this stuff. I'm a dissertation away from another doctorate."

"You gonna keep shelling out advice like this or is this like a free trial type thing?"

"Oh no. No, I've hated doing this. Short of an emotional emergency the second I get home this is all done. I'm making up for all these good deeds. I know you don't know him but there's this guy back at home named Steve Rogers, I'm changing his name in the system so all his documents and security briefings will be addressed to him as Bucky's bitch."

"Will that annoy him?"

"Very much so."

"Oh, ok."

 They both sat quietly for a moment. Amaya stared back out at the field.

"I want to talk to him. Can you help him get out here?"

"Sure can."

Without another word, Tony got up and made the very short journey back inside the house and to his room to get Loki. She wasn't alone again much longer. Only a minute or so after he left, the door opened, and Loki stood in it.

She turned and looked at him for a second and she was sad because she didn't feel warmth or comfort when she saw him. They had been together for many, many millennia. They had seen each other through too much and even the events of this place couldn't erase all of that but...

She turned back around and moved over slightly on the steps, a clear invitation. Moments later she heard his footsteps coming towards her and felt him sit down on the steps in the space she'd left and they sat silently together. It was Amaya that finally broke the silence.

"What do I say to you right now? After everything that's happened..."

"I... don't know."

"You hated me yesterday. Yesterday Loki! I understand why you did it I get why you felt the way you did but... You promised you would make sure I meant nothing to you when you got your magic back. I could feel your emotions when you said it, you meant it! You didn't want me to be a part of your life anymore, you would rather forget me! Do you know how much that hurt?"

The only answer he gave was in the form of his emotions. His sorrow, his guilt, his regret, his pain, and she felt it all and she felt bad for it but...

"I always thought I was the one person you could never hate. I always thought it was painful, every day in Jotunheim was painful but at least I had you there with me through it and I... I don't know how to go back to that. I don't think I can pretend like this didn't happen. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this."

"Do you... want space? I understand if you do I don't..." His mouth opened and closed, eyes looking around desperately as if the words would just suddenly appear, as if it was that simple, as if he could fix this. He couldn't fix this. She wished he could, and he wished he could. Some things just weren't that simple. "I'm sorry Amaya. You didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve to be hurt this way, and after everything we've been through I should've never doubted you. I'm so sorry for everything I've done. If it is the death of me, for the rest of our lives I promise never to doubt you or try to hurt you again, but if you desire space I will give it to you."

"I don't want space Loki. All I've wanted this entire time is my friend back and all I've had is space. I don't know how to fix this I don't know when it stops hurting but I don't want you to ignore me anymore. I don't want you to hate me. I just want my friend back."

Silence resumed as a gentle breeze suddenly blew over the clearing.

"I recently learned to make a Midgardian dish in an attempt to do something nice for Anthony. I was going to try to make it for him again tomorrow. I... I think you would like it if you had it. If you want I can... bring you some..."

He was absolutely terrified, ready to accept if she said she didn't want to see him, if she wanted to be alone, but she meant it. She didn't want space. She wanted a friend.

"It sounds delicious. I would love some."

The wind blew as they sat there on the steps together.

Chapter Text

Virginia Potts met Tony Stark when they were both young. Her father brought her with him to the palace for a meeting. He arrived at one of the palace's many meeting rooms that day with her dutifully in tow with her hand gripped in his, which was tightly controlling her every pace.

She wasn't sure why she had to go with him, but she supposed it didn't really matter. She was going, not because she wanted to, but because she didn't have much of a choice. She was a kid, and asking questions was against the rules.

Her life was one that was always greatly structured by rules. She had rules for everything, when she got up, when she went to sleep, how she brushed her teeth, what she ate, what she watched, what she said, where she went, when she could have fun, who she saw, everywhere she looked was rules, rules, rules.

Some may have found that level of precision and control stifling, and maybe Virginia would've too if she had any other choice, but she found comfort in her rules instead, safety even. There was a right and wrong for everything and she always tried to do things the way she was supposed to. It kept her out of trouble. It kept everything calm.

The only place she was truly free was in her own thoughts. Though the reason didn't matter, she did have some theories as to why she was currently walking like a porcelain robot down the palace halls, wishing she could turn and look at all the things they passed but knowing it was against the rules.

She had the day off from school today, that she knew, normally she would be with her mother then but her mother, as it turned out, was also out. Virginia couldn't exactly say she'd prefer to have been in her mother's company. She was just as cold and indifferent as her father in personality. Any minor infraction Virginia made while in her care her mother would calmly relay over the dinner table and then continue to eat quietly while Virginia was beaten for her disobedience, so they weren't any different there either. They were both equal.

That left Virginia in her father's care, something that had happened many times before. While gone her father would give her a list of chores to complete in his absence. If the entire list wasn't completed by the time he got back, there would be consequences. Harsh as that was, those to Virginia were the best times of all. The lists were often long and the chores were sometimes hard to complete within the time allotted, but at least she was alone. At least she was free for one second.

But, that wasn't what happened today. With no previous warning or explanation of the day's events, her father came in, got her up, picked out an outfit for her, and told her to get in the car. She only knew they were going to the palace when they started passing the checkpoints.

There were two chairs, one on either side of the meeting room doors. As soon as they arrived in front of the room, he pointed to one and told her she was to sit there and wait until the meeting was over. She looked up at him and nodded once and went over to the chair and sat with impeccable form, looking dutifully straight ahead. She made sure her back didn't touch the back of the chair. Her father looked at her, inspecting her for a second before he nodded and walked inside while she sat there.

She waited. She held the pose and her breath for three minutes, the longest she could currently hold her breath for before she took in a new breath and slowly let some of the tension of the pose melt off her shoulders before she resumed a slightly more comfortable version of her previous pose.

She wouldn't move, she wasn't that brave, but now that she was alone she was finally free to let her eyes wander. The palace, in every way, was absolutely gorgeous. Everywhere she looked there was either art or an architectural design, or something interesting to see. She also looked at all the people, there were a lot of people working in the palace. It wasn't just the place where the king and queen lived, it served many functions.  

She happily continued to look around, happily admiring all that she saw. Around her were the normal sounds of an office-like environment, low talking, fast steps, papers, the sound was almost soothing to her. Maybe she wasn't at home by herself today, but maybe even despite that, she could manage to find some little bit of peace.

Her ears perked up immediately when she detected a change to the normal work sounds in the form of... music? Was that music? She glanced at the door. Her father was very unlikely to come put now, if he'd been in there that long the meeting was likely already in progress.

She turned very slightly to see where the sound was coming from, but she immediately sucked her breath back in and sat back up straight when she saw who it was. She kept glancing out of the side of her eye, refusing to believe it. It couldn't be true, the palace was huge what were the chances they'd be in this section on this specific day!

The king was walking down the very hall she was in, and to her absolute horror, he was going in her direction. He was going to see her! She made sure her posture was impeccable. If she looked sloppy in front of the king and her father found out...

Prince Anthony was next to his father walking, practically bouncing, down the hallway alongside the king. Every second he got closer the music got louder and louder but no one seemed to pay it any attention.

He was... well... She looked out of the side of her eye again. The only time she'd ever seen prince Anthony before was on the news. Whenever she saw him then he looked so regal, put together, and refined. He looked... well... like a prince, but currently, she looked closer to a royal than he did.

Virginia was in the dress, shoes, high socks, sweater, and a bow. Prince Anthony was in... jeans with a stain on them, a shirt with something on it she didn't recognize, headphones, and grippy socks. The king looked exhausted and quite irritated.

It would make sense that prince Anthony's teachers were probably off today if her teachers were, but being a prince she would've assumed he had a dozen nannies or something to take care of him when they were out. She had to assume that wasn't the case because the king currently didn't look... very happy to be in his son's presence.

She almost whimpered in fear when the king finally stopped immediately in front of the very doors she was sitting on the side of and turned to his son who was too oblivious caught up in his music to realize his father was waiting for him. She wished she could be invisible.

King Howard stared at his son, waiting patiently for Anthony to look up, to acknowledge him, something, but Anthony just kept listening to his music. She couldn't tell if he was ignoring his father on accident or purpose, although she suspected it was the latter but it was obvious the king was getting even more annoyed. In a second he reached forward and snatched the headphones off of his son, who immediately screamed out in protest. Finally, he looked up in anger.

"I was listening to that!"

"And now you're not. I have a meeting."

"Woop de doo, can I get my headphones back now?"

"No, because you're going to sit in that chair until I get out of this meeting, do you understand?"

 Anthony pointed at the only unoccupied chair in the whole hallway with an overly confused look on his face.

"This chair here?"

"Yes, Anthony. This chair right here. Don't move from it, think you can handle that?"

"And do what?"

"For starters take a lesson from that girl over there."

He saw her! She did everything she could to somehow sit even straighter than she already was. She went over every limb mentally and made sure she was in the proper correct position and continued staring straight ahead at the wall. 

In her panic to make sure her form was perfection, she didn't even notice that the king had complimented her. Thankfully he wasn't looking for a reply, because his attention was back on prince Anthony who, to her somehow even greater terror, was staring right at her. In contrast to her dad, he did not look at all impressed with her posture. In fact, he looked weirded out and mildly concerned.

"I'm not even sure that girl is breathing."

"She's sitting, learn to do that part you already seem to have breathing mastered."

"Or what?"

"I could kick you off the current defense program."

"'Technically I'm not on that team anyways, and it'll be hard to kick me off when I'm basically the head designer!"

"We'll get a new head designer."

"You can't find anyone else."

"You really are so cocky to think you're the only one who can do it?"

"Yes because if you could've found anyone else to do it, you would've picked them to do and not me in the first place. I'm pretty sure you can't even figure it out." 

She could hear the king's teeth grinding together in anger.

"Then I'll scrap the entire thing! I don't care if you are the only one who how to do it if I come out here and see you anywhere else but that chair, there won't be a project anymore Anthony!"

Anthony and his father stared daggers into each other in a stand-off that was somehow borderline violent. Virginia glanced around and was petrified to see that she was the only one left in the hallway. All of the people just filtered out in various different hallways and rooms soundlessly and instantly, as if this was something regular in their day.

The winning side was pretty clear in this one. King Howard glared at his son one more time before he walked into the meeting room with prince Anthony left sitting in the chair. He took his music with him just to add insult to injury, and now she was sitting alone with the prince.

Luckily for her, the solitude piece of it didn't last long. Within thirty seconds all of the foot traffic reappeared just as mysteriously and smoothly as it vanished, but that still left her in prince Anthony's presence for the entire duration of this meeting.

She kept her posture just as tight as it had been before and stared ahead. She didn't mind this, there was an interesting piece of art in front of her with a lot of interacting elements, she could admire that and hold still until the meeting was over. She hoped prince Anthony would ignore her, he didn't seem impressed before there was no reason for him to be interested right now, but unfortunately for her, she was very wrong.

She could still cut the tension with a knife, but prince Anthony didn't seem to be interested in that fact and immediately turned to her despite it.

"So. Do you breathe?"

She knew better than to scream but as the situation continued she wanted to more and more. What was she supposed to do? If it were almost anyone else he would've continued staring at the wall not saying a word, it was what her father instructed her to do in situations such as though. She couldn't just ignore him though, he was the prince!

Would she get in trouble for talking without permission? Would she get in more trouble if prince Anthony got mad at her lack of response and her father found out she angered the prince? She didn't know. She made a tactical choice.

"I'm not allowed to talk."

"What? Why not?"

Virginia's hands pressed together tighter, her palms were sweaty she was so scared! She hoped he wouldn't get mad at her. What if he was still mad from his argument with his father and he took it out on her? She couldn't see the way he was looking at her like she was the strangest thing he'd ever seen. He looked between her and the meeting room doors.

"Is it somebody inside that room?"

She didn't say a word but her body tensed immediately. He knew where her dad was.

"You know they can't hear you right?"

Her lips stayed glued tight.

"You don't believe me do you?"

He waited a few seconds for a response which she, as he expected, didn't give before he sighed long and hard in annoyance. She was dead. She was almost shaking in her seat. He was offended. She was going to be beaten. She heard prince Anthony get up from his chair with another sigh and go to stand in front of the meeting room doors.

She refused to look away from the wall, paralyzed in fear still trying to be good even though it was already too late. She couldn't see him, so she had no warning and finally broke her perfect form to flinch in surprise as prince Anthony with no prior warning just screamed at the top of his lungs down the hallway in front of everyone!

The king was coming. The palace guard was coming. But worst of all, scariest of all, one she wanted to see least, her father was coming. She was shaking. She could barely feel her hands they were pressed so tight. There were tears threatening to reach the edge of her eyes but they would only get her in more trouble.

"Hey? Hey!"

Suddenly prince Anthony appeared in her view, looking so concerned it broke her out of her head just enough to notice, the palace guard wasn't there. The king wasn't there, and most importantly of all her father wasn't there. She looked around.

"See? I told you, it's soundproofed they can't hear you."

They couldn't hear her? Her father couldn't hear her? She slowly started to look around, taking quite a few deep breaths to bring her back from everything. It was only once she finally looked around and noticed that in fact no one, not a single solitary person had actually reacted to the prince who just screamed down the hallway. Everyone just continued on down the hallway. They didn't even miss a beat.

"Can they hear you?"

Prince Anthony looked around at all the people forming the foot traffic and shrugged.

"They can hear me. They just don't care. Are you ok?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine. Thank you, my prince."

She bowed her head the way she was taught to when greeting royals while seated but she started to sit back up from the bow she was surprised to see prince Anthony did not look very happy in response to it. In fact, he looked slightly annoyed.

"What's your name?"

"Virginia, my prince."

"Nice to mee you Virginia my name's Tony."

That seemed pretty odd to her. For one, she knew his name it was in her textbooks. For two, why would he introduce himself as Tony? Well, either way, she knew to call him prince Anthony, or your highness, or your grace, or my prince, or some other title. She wasn't foolish enough to address the prince by his actual name, much less a nickname.

"It is nice to meet you, prince-"

"Incorrect!"

Virginia sucked in a giant breath of air and looked around terrified waiting for some horrible consequence to come to her. What had she done wrong?

"Hey! No! Breath!" Virginia slowly took in a breath. "You're not actually in trouble, I'm not going to get you in trouble!"

"I-I'm sorry prince-"

"Stop calling me that!" Virginia kept turning back and forth between Tony and the halls looking for the correct answer. What was she supposed to do! "Oh my- hey! Listen! Please do not call me prince Anthony, your highness, or any of that other crap! I introduced myself as Tony  because I want you to call me Tony, are we clear on that?"

Virginia slowly started to nod.

"Ok good! Second I'm not getting you in trouble I don't care what you do or say I'm not going to get you in trouble, ok?"

"Yes, prince- Tony! Yes, Tony!"

She gave the correct response, she thought at least, and waited anxiously hoping she got it right that time but he just sighed and ran a hand down his face like he was exhausted.

"Yeah. Good enough. I was going to ask if you wanted to go do something fun but I'm assuming that's a no then?"

"But... your father said-"

"Yeah, I was never planning on listening to that. I'm not sitting here in boredom just to comply with his powerplay. So, you wanna come?"

"I'm sorry. I'm supposed to stay in my chair."

"You know this meeting is going to be hours right? That pose you were holding a bit ago, you're gonna have to hold it for a long time."

She knew, had already figured that but what were her choices?

"I'm sorry. I'm supposed to stay in my chair."

She sounded like a pre-recorded machine. It might've sounded alarming to her if she knew it wasn't normal. Tony hummed and looked at the meeting room doors for a second and then back at her.

"You're scared of whoever's in there, aren't you?"

"No."

"Yes, you are."

"I like following the rules."

"Then why do you keep tensing every time you think you do something wrong like you think something's about to happen to you?"

He was looking directly at her. He clearly wanted an answer, but what answer was she supposed to give him?

"I have to follow the rules."

"What happens if you break them?"

No one could see it under the clothes she was wearing today, her father made sure of that and she knew how to exist through the pain, but there was a long trail of welts from her right hip to her left shoulder. When she arrived home from school last week she accidentally fell asleep longer than she meant to. As a result, the house wasn't clean by the time her father arrived home. That was the result.

"Consequences."

Tony looked at her curiously.

"Consequences. You know, if you get into this program then you won't have to worry about those kinds of consequences anymore."

"Program? What program?"

"What program? The program you're here for."

"My dad just has a meeting today."

"Yes. He has a meeting with my father. That meeting is for you."

Her eyes widened immediately. She kept waiting for him to say it was a joke but he was looking at her, entirely serious.

"What... How..."

"They're interviewing your father on your behalf."

"For what?"

"The program to come live here and study at the palace. It's a new thing my parents are doing. See there are no other kids here as I'm sure you noticed and my parents are starting to worry that maybe a lack of time with my peers and the resulting boredom is the inspiration for my more... destructive tendencies. So the way the program works, you live here and get schooling from some of the best teachers on all of Earth and my parents hopefully get to see me become the son they see when they see me on TV. It's kinda like boarding school! So yeah, no more scary parents. I think my dad already likes you. Keep not breathing, you're a shoo-in."

Virginia tried her best to take in all this information. She looked back at the door one last time in fear before she turned to Tony hesitantly who at least wasn't looking at her strangely this time.

"How many kids are they accepting?"

"Four I think."

That was all!? "How many were applying?"

"Uh, there is no applying."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean there is no applying, that's not how it worked. Every kid in the realm who in my grade was looked at at some point by a team of scouters. The kids who they thought were good candidates got passed to my parents. My parents are now interviewing  kids' parents on behalf of the kids for the kids they picked out of the recommendations."

"So... I was-"

"Picked for an interview, congratulations. Parents were told last week I think if their little darlings got an interview, which is why you're here. I just figured your parents would've said something to you. The families who didn't get picked still don't even know anything."

"So, what happens after the interview?"

"My parents get together and decide who they're taking of the interviewees. I think they're going in alphabetical order. What's your last name?"

"Potts."

"So at the pace they're going at they'll probably be done in another week or two and they're not really patient when it comes to decisions so you should get an answer back officially in about three weeks."

"And they're only taking four?"

"It's a trial program. If it goes well they may let more in but for now, only four. They can't have a bunch of children running around underfoot after all."

"So if they expand it, how many do you think they'll take then?"

"...Do you want me to be honest with you?" She nodded. "Not that many."

Breathe. She had to breathe right now, even if she had to force herself. Four... They were only taking four. She made it this far so she must've had something they liked, but even if that was true how did she find out what it was and how did she show them she was the type of kid they wanted when she wasn't the one in the interview?

In her distraction by the thoughts of how was she going to get herself into this program and away from her parents she sat accidentally sat back and immediately regretted as all thoughts were sharply pushed out of her head by the pain in her back that made her hiss and sit up in a second.

She froze in horror when she realized what she'd done and turned to prince Anthony immediately. Maybe he didn't see it maybe he was distracted, but to her horror when she looked at him he was looking directly at her. Worse of all, he was looking directly at her back, completely focused on it.

"You really need this, don't you?" She looked away from prince Anthony in shame but she had to look back up immediately when she heard a loud sigh coming from him. When she turned back he was looking up at the ceiling exasperated, but unlike when he was upset earlier, it didn't look like there was any anger behind it. "Well, now I have to be a good person."

She watched, not even sure what to make of what she was seeing as Anthony walked back over to his chair on the other side of the door and, for the first time since he first got up from it, sat down. He looked at her with a shrug.

"I can't promise you anything. Frankly, I don't make the decisions, but I can help influence my dad more than he already is. You made it this far and he likes your sitting skills so I'm just giving you one more leg up."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting here. Hey, why'd your parents name you Virginia?"

"Huh? I... I think it's after someone who was important in a war."

"Hm. I'll call you Pepper from now on."

"Why?"

"It's kind of what I do. I give everyone nicknames."

"So, what are you going to do to help me get into the program?"

"Simple." Tony went back to his chair and sat down. "I'm going to sit here. When my father comes out I'll tell him you motivated me to stay in my seat while he was inside."

"Will he believe I did that?"

"He won't have much of a choice. There won't be any other reason he can think of as to why I'm still here."

"You... would really do this for me?"

He didn't have to, he had nothing to benefit from her getting picked specifically but he just shrugged.

"You need it. Besides, it's not even really a lie. I do feel motivated to stay and you basically are the reason."

Maybe that was true, maybe he had a point, but still, she almost teared up a little bit. Even if it didn't work, she wondered if he truly knew just how much he was doing for her. He was saving her life.

Thank you so much, prince-"

"No!"

"Huh?"

"No with the prince stuff!"

He made a disgusted face at the title but Pepper just smiled.

"Thank you, Tony. Really."

She smiled just a bit more when she saw him try to shrug it off as if it was nothing, but she could also see the slight look in his eyes, the slight smile that was there.

"If you want to repay me, you're gonna have to keep talking because it's been ten seconds of sitting and I'm already bored."

"What do you normally do when you get bored?"

"Usually when I'm bored things start exploding."

"You just make things explode when you're bored?"

"Well, my goal isn't for them to explode-usually-but sometimes science takes drama."

"The drama of explosions?"

"Are you judging me right now?"

"Am I... allowed to judge you?"

Tony stared at her for a second and ran a tired hand down his face. "I hate being a prince."

"Why? I thought being a prince was the best thing ever."

"Why? What exactly looks so good about it, it's annoying! There are so many things I always have to do, so many expectations and ways I "have" to act. It's all so unnecessary! No one ever treats me normally and whenever people do bother to acknowledge me it's always either prince Anthony this, heir to the throne that, I don't even want the thing!"

"Are you excited about the program?"

"Eh. It'll be nice to see more people here my age."

"How many people your age are there now?"

"How many do you see?"

"...Us."

"There ya go."

"So... there's literally no one?"

"Nope." He made the p pop resolutely.

"And the adults?"

"Ignore me for the most part. They work here, they're used to seeing me around in every state you could think of, and frankly, they're busy. They don't have time to stop what they're doing to interact with me even if they wanted to."

"And your parents?"

"Are running a realm. I mean my mom tries and my dad... is here but they're not exactly drowning in free time and when they are... well, they're busy anyway."

"You don't have any nannies or anything?"

He tried to hide it but there was a look in his eye again, this time like he was uncomfortable.

"I used to, but he died."

"I'm so sorry."

Tony stared off like he could see something. Nothing was there.

"Yeah. Me too. Anyways I had a few nannies after that but I got a reputation for being too destructive and my parents can't exactly force people to take a job they don't want, so... yeah. I usually end up getting bored."

"Are you sure you're not just lonely?"

"From an outsider's perspective, what's the difference?"

"Probably nothing. But there's a difference to you, isn't there?"

"Let's talk about something else."

It wasn't a command, but she could see he wasn't just asking to ask.

"So what else do you do in a day?"

"Well, on the days where I'm not forced to put on a monkey suit and actually be my title, I'm currently doing my internship with the political branch."

"I thought your father said you were working with the defense branch."

"I'm always working with them but the department I'm currently completing my actual internship with is the political branch."

She nodded along easily enough, she already knew part of this. It was a very well-known requirement of any potential monarch of the realm that they had to intern under all six departments of the government of the human realm, medical, technology, humanitarian needs, finance, legal, and political relations with the other realms.

"Are you enjoying your internship?"

"I hate it."

"How come?"

"Well, the schmoozing other realms to get my way part I don't mind but all the little boring pieces of it I hate and it's mostly that. The big stuff only happens sometimes."

"What branch do you want to internship under the most?"

"Technologies. I can't wait to get into that one, but my dad is making me wait to do it last. He says if I do it too early I won't be motivated to do the others."

"Is he right?"

"I'm not motivated to do them now so I don't think it matters. What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you do when you're not sitting in chairs?"

"I go to school."

"What else?"

"That's it."

He gave her a strange look at that for a moment.

"Don't you have any friends?"

"I have people I talk to in school."

"You don't ever hang out with them?"

"My father says people are a distraction."

"Distraction from what?"

"Success."

"If that's the cost for success being a failure doesn't sound too bad. So all you do is go to school and come home?"

"And sit in chairs."

"So... do you get bored?"

"Sometimes."

"And... do you get lonely?"

"...Yeah... sometimes..."

Tony hummed. He turned back around to face the wall and to her complete and utter surprise, he smiled just slightly.

"You know, if you get into this program, I feel like we're going to be best of friends."

"Why do you think that?"

"Just a feeling. As it is, I already like you, Pepper."

She smiled.

"I like you too Tony."

He smiled back. They sat and talked for the rest of their time sitting there, and true to his word, Tony didn't get up.

When the doors to the meeting room opened again she immediately sucked in a breath and snapped back into her previous perfect form, still as a statue. Tony sat there with his arms behind his head, legs crossed, and slouched down in his chair, looking every bit, not like a prince. Her father emerged and turned, bowing to the young prince stiffly.

"My prince."

Tony didn't react except to nod slightly to the older man. Her father finished greeting the prince and immediately turned towards her. He looked her over for a second scrutinizing before he finally nodded his head towards her in approval.

He looked like he was about to say something to her but before he could, the king came out of the room. As soon as he did, all of her father's attention was immediately on him but the king, and when the king left the meeting the first place he looked was her. He looked at her slightly surprised that she was still somehow sitting there, holding that same pose.

"General, this your girl?"

"Yes sir."

"Hm. Very mature. What's your name, young lady?"

"Virginia Potts. It is an honor to meet you, your majesty."

She stood and gave the king a formal bow, just like she was supposed to. As she raised her head from it she could see Tony behind him giving her a big smile and a thumbs up. She sat down again and went back to staring at the wall and as soon as she did, all attention was back off of her and to her father.

"Thank you for your time today, you're dismissed."

"Thank you, your grace. Come, Virginia."

Virginia stood from her chair and put her hand in her father's and walked with him tightly controlling her every pace. She wanted to turn around and wave goodbye to Tony possibly for the last time if for no other reason than for everything he'd done for her. But she couldn't do that. It was against the rules.

As soon as the general was gone king Howard sighed and turned to the seat where he told his son to sit and almost did a double-take in actual surprise when he saw he was still there.

"Wha- Anthony? What did you do?"

"What do you mean? I didn't do anything."

"Where did you go while I was in this meeting."

"I didn't go anywhere. I sat in this chair. That's what you told me to do right?"

"You expect me to believe that you sat here and didn't do anything in the entire time I was gone and that's it? Do you think I was born yesterday?"

"Wellll... I didn't just sit here. I sat and talked to my new friend Pepper."

"Who?"

"The girl who just left, Virginia. I like her!"

The king looked back and forth between the girl far enough down the hallway that her father couldn't hear this conversation and his son. Virginia, huh? Hm.

Chapter Text

When Virginia first arrived at the palace, she wished she could've said she made a smoother transition. If asked at any point before, and if she was brave enough to be honest about it, she would've said she didn't think there was anywhere to go from her parents' house but up but apparently, that wasn't the case. Apparently, there was also an option to go sideways.

She went from a life of strict overbearing control with no choice or freedom to a sudden explosion of choices and options and unclear expectations. In an instant, she was separated from everything she knew, her rules, and her parents and despite being given everything she wanted, everything she thought she needed, everything she thought would make her happy and she still wasn't ok. She was still in a constant state of panic. 

Despite the fear and the sudden change that she just assumed she'd magically adjust to, she couldn't say she was too sad to leave her parents behind. She couldn't say she loved them either. If she weren't so afraid of them she might've considered running away where they couldn't reach her once they got to the palace on move-in day. She kept waiting in terrified anticipation for it to all be a joke, she was sure it had to be. There was no way she actually met prince Tony, he helped her get into a program to get away from her abusive family, and it worked.

It had to be a dream. A silly childish concoction of her imagination, but as they brought her things to her new room, she still didn't wake up. As their car drove away without her in it, she still didn't wake up. She waved after their car robotically in a daze as they went. She never saw them again. Long after they disappeared past the checkpoint she was still there, waving, expecting it to be a joke and unsure what to do now until Tony came to break her from her trance of amazement.

As it turned out, she hadn't imagined prince Tony, neither meeting him nor his mannerisms. He was exactly what she remembered him being and when she wasn't sure what to do now that she had a new life, he was the one who was there to show her the way. As it turned out, most of the adults expected her to be able to do "simple" things like making decisions and having opinions. When she first got there she didn't know how to do either of those things, but luckily for her, Tony was an absolute master class in both. She quickly fell out of the habit of calling him prince, he annoyed her every time she did, and she quickly fell into the habit of following after him and desperately trying to get him to be responsible because despite being a master class in making his own decisions Tony rarely made decisions that were good. 

She'd never seen someone so... irresponsible was the only word she could think of. He almost blew himself up at least once a day, he missed assignments, she had to make him go to class, and no matter what he did or didn't do no one seemed to care. Sure, he got yelled at occasionally by his father, which didn't work, or he got the concerned looks from scaring his mother, which worked temporarily until she became busy again, but for the most part, Tony did whatever he wanted. No one stopped him. No one noticed him. No one even cared. Everyone was busy. It became her job because she made it her job and for that and many other reasons, she and Tony quickly became best friends.

"See, I told you!" He very happily proclaimed one day months after she'd been there and their best friend status had been solidified. She no longer had to worry about her parents, even though that oftentimes didn't stop her. That freed her up to worry about other things. Maybe the other thing she should've been worried about was herself, but she didn't want to do that, and besides, she didn't have to.

If she was too scared to address her own fears, she could always focus on Tony. Tony was always doing something foolish. Really, when she had to take care of him so often, where would she even get the time to take care of herself? Surely she couldn't focus on two people at once, and if she had to pick one of them to protect, it would be him, he was definitely more important.

As her friend, Tony made everything different. She was safe in the palace, though for many years she didn't know it. Sure her parents would turn up any moment, she still lived her life orderly and properly. She followed her rules. She responded politely to everyone, she always did as she was told, and she always achieved in school. She met every expectation given to her, and she did it sure that if she didn't she would suffer, and when she wasn't sure what expectations the people around her had to ensure she would still meet whatever it was, she demanded perfection of herself.

She was so acutely aware of everyone's expectations, but she couldn't do that with Tony. Tony had no expectations. He didn't care. He would say the same thing whether she got a one hundred or a zero. He would still be her friend even if she slipped up or said something silly or didn't follow a rule. He simply didn't mind whether she succeeded or failed and she'd tried many times to subtly do things and slip up in ways to make him not like her, but even when she didn't get it right, even when she wasn't perfect, he didn't care. He was still there.

She wasn't sure why but it was like when he was with her she could finally breathe again. It wasn't his actions, his actions often terrified her frankly. It wasn't his mannerisms, they were frankly childish and concerning. The fights with his father were a more common occurrence than she realized too. She, like the rest of the palace, quickly learned how to leave the vicinity whenever Tony and his father started to yell at each other. He didn't make her life easier in fact it was the complete opposite really, for every task she had to do she had to plan double time just to account for him, but he let her be.

He let her be herself, her true flawed self, and he never made her feel like she had to be anything else. She wished she could say she got that same level of confidence around others later. She'd be lying. They had other friends, and she had people she could talk to but he was the only person she felt ok not being perfect around. He was it for her, she loved him and he accepted her and for her, that was enough. She had a best friend. She didn't need anything else.

He was generally the very opposite of anyone she'd typically be with. All the people she knew before were quiet, mild-mannered, always listened, and followed the rules. Tony wasn't a single one of those things, and he was the prince, but he was her freedom and her breath of fresh air, not the palace, not the program, not even the separation from her parents, him. Now, an alien prince was threatening to take her peace away from her. She would not let that happen.

Loki was a thing she knew she was going to have to account for in all of this, obviously. He was after all the problem. She just didn't expect to have to deal with Tony over it too. She expected this trip to be over and for them to go back to their regular lives. She thought that was his plan too but apparently, she underestimated how bottomless of a pitty well he had for homicidal maniacs. She sighed. Wasn't the first time she had to stop Tony from making a mistake. It wouldn't be the last.

She was broken from her thoughts when she suddenly heard a knock on the door. She sighed. Very rarely did anyone come to her room, but there were really only two people it could be. She hopped up and answered it, not sure who she wanted to see less right now despite everything. Honestly, she hoped it was Amaya. After the commotion yesterday she'd been hoping to have a little chat. When she opened her door it wasn't Amaya standing there and despite it being a person she loved liked and respected more than the female Jotun, she couldn't say she was particularly happy to see him right now.

"Tony."

"Pepper."

She measured up the way he was standing, his expression, and how tight his voice was. She was surprised he was even here, usually Tony didn't talk to her for a few days after they pissed each other off, but there he was standing there although he didn't look like he felt any less angry or any happier to see her today than yesterday, which was typical. 

"Did you come to berate me more about trying to keep you safe again?"

Tony's jaw set stubbornly. That was petty. She'd hit a nerve she knew but that was all she was doing. He had to know that was all she was trying to do, that was what she was always trying to do but Tony didn't see it that way.

"You mean sending a man to his death because he's traumatized?"

"I'm not sending anybody to anything."

"That's not true and we both know it."

"What do you want, Tony?" She didn't have the patience to mince words with him today and she didn't have the energy for a fight. "Is this about the proposal?" Of course it was, she was expecting to hear a yes but instead, Tony just remained stone-faced and didn't answer the question at all.

"I want to offer you a deal."

Pepper was immediately on her toes as soon as he said it. His arms crossed firmly in front of his chest and she looked at him suspiciously. Normally Pepper loved a good negotiation, she loved getting over it was one of the things she and Tony had in common, but negotiating with Tony wasn't like negotiating with Amaya who somehow had no idea how to do it. She had a habit of underestimating the fact sometimes but despite all his seemingly foolish antics, Tony was in fact a genius. He actually knew how to make a deal, had learned how to from some of the best negotiations in the realm and he was good at it. He knew a lot of her tricks, but, then again, she also knew a lot of his and besides, no matter how it made him or Loki or Amaya or the realms feel, she was in charge. She would be more concerned but as she already knew, he could have all the advantages he wanted. In the end, just like haggling with Amaya, she held all the power.

"What exactly do you think have to offer me?"

"You want me to drop the proposal."

"I'm not making a deal with you over that. I don't care if you do bring it up. You're not going to get the results you want out of it."

"You seem so sure of that."

"No deal Tony. I don't want that."

Tony's eyes narrowed.

"I'm sure you also don't want me running off to Jotunheim to be with Loki away from where you can "protect" me and surrounded by a bunch of people who might want me dead."

Now Pepper's eyes narrowed.

"You wouldn't. You couldn't go even if you wanted to."

"What's stopping me?"

"The cold for one and your parents for the other!"

"Like they'd notice. And I have my ways around the cold, don't you worry about that." He said it so casually, like he was sure, but she couldn't tell if he was bluffing or not. "I'll give up on the whole deal altogether and I won't bring it up to my parents and I'll let Loki go home peacefully if you let him have his magic back when he goes."

That's what this was about. That's what it was always about. She couldn't help it when she rolled her eyes though she wasn't trying too hard to prevent it at this point. Loki was never getting his magic back, with that the contract would be broken. She couldn't let that happen, now could she?

"And what if Loki uses his magic to get to Earth once he has it back?"

"I will tell Jarvis to scan his biometrics once we're back for the wedding. If he appears anywhere on the planet without prior warning or authorization you'll be sure to know."

"And if he appears on Earth despite that?"

"What do you want me to do get him to swear or something you want a pinky promise?"

What I want are consequences, Tony."

"Consequences? What are you-"

"I do not believe for one second that he wouldn't try to seek you out despite promising not to."

"He'll swear to it if that's what you want!"

"His word means nothing to me! If he returns to Jotunheim with his magic eventually he will try to get to Earth. What do I do then? How do I protect you then? I'm doing this for your safety Tony."

"You're doing this because you hate him!"

No, that was just a bonus.

"How am I supposed to keep you safe? If he comes on Earth and decides he has to have you what am I supposed to do?"

"What do you want me to say Pep, huh, you want me to say shoot on sight?"

"No Tony I want you to say you're right Pepper, we can't bring an emotionally stunted bomb back to Earth just because I feel like it! Then I'd know you were actually taking this seriously!"

"I am taking this seriously you're sending a man to die! How do you expect me to not take that seriously!"

"You're not Tony because if you were you wouldn't let him come back!"

'It's cleaner this way.' Pepper fought hard not to say that out loud, she already knew Tony wouldn't do well hearing that even though it was the truth. She closed her eyes and did her best to take a nice long breath, in through her nose and out through her mouth but when she opened his eyes he was still pissed.

"The answer is no Tony. Make as big a fuss to your parents about it as you want, Loki will still not be on the planet, and you're not going to Jotunheim."

Tony fixed her with a heated glare.

"Watch me."

She half expected him to continue screaming at her but instead, he turned around and stormed off out of the room slamming the door quite loudly behind him. Well, that'd gone about as well as she expected. Pepper went back to her desk and sighed massaging her temple again. She pulled up some work. She needed a good distraction. Luckily there were so many things that needed to be prepared before Tony's wedding. The day couldn't get there soon enough.

Well, that didn't go well. Tony walked back into his room more than annoyed and sighed. He knew it was going to take more than one day to fix this, that wasn't what was upsetting him, he just forgot how much arguing with Pepper tended to piss him off. He was almost glad when he saw Loki was still out of the room when he got back. He needed time to think. He hoped he and Amaya were doing ok, he wouldn't know until they got back, but for now, all he wanted to focus on was this plan and how he was going to save their lives. He wanted to scream. Why was everything so frustrating?

He hadn't planned to threaten to go to Jotunheim but spontaneity was one of his strong suits. As it turned out, the threat was even more effective than the one he planned on. It did however come with the caveats that he had no way to get temperature runes and if Loki found out he was threatening to go to Jotunheim he would kill him. If there was one thing he was good at it was pissing his future husband off. It was the only thing he had to bargain with, no way he was letting it go, and he could probably find a way to do it. Temperature runes or not he could figure something out, but if Loki found out what he was trying to do before he could go through with it...

He picked up his tablet. He had six more days to figure this out or Pepper was getting her head ripped off. He opened up some work and tried to work on projects as a distraction, but not even that could distract him. He solved a few equations, made some notes, ran a hand through his hair and closed it. It just wasn't enough to take his mind off things right now.

Pepper was too sure about too many factors, factors she shouldn't be sure about, and if he could just figure out why she was so sure about those things... Before Tony could finish that thought his eyes immediately cut to the door as it opened and Loki walked in being assisted by the very person Tony wanted to talk to. Ah well. Thinking time was over. He'd deal with it more later.

He was relieved to see that neither of them looked mad. In fact, they looked tentatively happy. He was sure Loki wasn't loving practically being carried but he put his weight on Amaya and allowed her to carry it and she happily helped him to his normal spot, making sure he was ok the whole time. It wasn't quite what either of them wanted he was sure but it was a start. She brought him over to the window and helped him sit down, Loki let her help him and thanked her once he was back on the ground.

Amaya stepped back after that. She kept looking at Loki for a second, there had to be a million things she wanted to say, but instead of that she turned to look at both of them. Tony was always happy to see Loki again whenever he was gone. Something about having him back across from him just made him feel like he could release a breath he didn't know he was holding, but he was also just happy the two former best friends, for the first time in months, both finally looked happy to be in each others' presence again.

Loki looked relieved. As for Amaya, she looked so much happier. Months of stress and pain were melting off in moments, even if some of it stayed behind. After all, not all her problems were gone. Amaya turned to leave. Tony briefly considered pulling her into the hallway and asking her questions about that "hunch" she'd had before, but he had a feeling if he did all she would say is that it was complicated. He let her leave and turned back to the man across from him with a tired smile.

I see your talk with Amaya went well."

"It... It went very well. I can't believe she still wants to be a part of my life after..." Loki shook her head. "I can never repay her."

"You can be a better friend to her now, that's what matters."

"You must be getting old. The things you say almost sound wise."

"Are you seriously calling me old?"

They both chuckled together.

"Someone will one day have to go through the arduous task of sitting you down and teaching you some manners."

"Would you believe I already know them?"

"No, I wouldn't. You'll have to forgive me if I'm shocked to hear that."

"I had manners when you met me!"

Loki looked for a second like he'd almost forgotten that. Tony smirked. Checkmate.

"Yes well, I may have been a bit preoccupied with trying to get you to hate me at the time."

"You were very effective. Good times."

"Agree to disagree."

Tony smiled, trying to keep the exhaustion and annoyance from the day's events out of his eyes. Loki did too for a moment, but it quickly turned to a look of concern. He leaned forward slightly eyes narrowed. He immediately tried to look away from the almost scarily suspicious look but before he could a hand gently and firmly caught his face and turned it to where Loki wanted him. The mage analyzed him a second more and Tony tried hard to meet his eyes, but he failed.

"What's wrong?"

Tony winced. Busted.

"Had a talk with Pepper. Didn't go well."

He was hoping Loki would let him leave it there, it was honest it explained the situation it didn't make anyone mad, but he wasn't that lucky.

"What was so wrong with it? Are you ok?"

"It's nothing Lokes."

Wrong answer. As soon as he said it he knew he was caught. The words slipped out before he could even think but to be fair what was he supposed to say? He didn't think saying "I threatened to go with you to Jotunheim" was the thing that was going to make the other prince very happy right now but now it was too late. He'd already messed up. Loki was pissed off. Tony winced again as the hand that had before been holding his face lightly suddenly tightened and he immediately repeated his mistake and said the very next thing that came to his mind.

"I just don't want to talk about it."

For a second Tony kissed his sanity for the rest of the day goodbye as that seemed to make it even worse and he didn't know if he had either the energy or the ability to backtrack this one. In an instant the previous good mood was gone. There was just one question he didn't need Loki asking, just one. And true to his luck they were the very next ones out of his mouth.

"Is it safe?"

He stared at him desperately. Deep red eyes transformed from fear to anger to concern and he wanted to say something, wanted to do something to relieve that, but there was nothing to say. He was already too late. Loki kept staring at him waiting for an answer to his question while Tony kept staring at him desperately.

"Lokes, listen-

"Is it safe Anthony?"

He sighed one last time as the exhaustion of all the arguing and trying to keep them all together finally showed on his face. There was only one answer to that question.

"I'm sorry Lokes."

Chapter Text

"I'm sorry Lokes. I just can't tell you."

Tony had to know how well that sentence would go over, even before he said it, but despite that, he still sat and looked at him with desperate eyes asking Loki not to push it, and maybe that would be better. Loki's eyes narrowed immediately. He still wasn't quite used to this, and maybe it would never cease to amaze him that the exact person who could make him so happy could so easily piss him off the same exact day. 

The day wasn't even long yet but it had already been emotionally exhausting, for good reasons. Now it was about to be emotionally exhausting for different reasons, and he knew that because there were only so many reasons he could think of as to why Anthony wouldn't tell him something, and they all ended with him getting hurt.

He'd been totally honest and transparent about everything in this whole situation, everything with Pepper, all the way up until now. They both had been, and there were many things and many issues Loki could simply grit his teeth and bear during this entire process whether by force or choice, but this would not be one of them.

He'd promised Anthony his week to try and solve this in a way that brought Ms. Potts no harm and he'd meant it at the time, but if Tony really thought he was so patient as to let a concern about his safety go that easy, he had another thing coming, and he'd clearly forgotten who he was talking to.

"What did you offer her?"

"I'll tell you at the end of the week."

"No. You'll tell me now."

Tony's eyes narrowed immediately as soon as the words were out of his mouth but he didn't care. This time, he didn't care how angry Anthony got, if he screamed at him or any other thing he could do, he didn't care. His safety was more important than his anger. He wasn't letting him do whatever it was he was planning. If that made him angry with him, oh well. Tony tried to take a deep breath.

"Listen Lokes, it's already been a long day. I'm sure you're concerned and all but I'm tired and I'm fine. Sit back and let me work."

"Do not treat me like a child Stark! Just because you have no concern for your safety doesn't mean I don't! What did you offer her?"

"Something! And since when do i not care about my own safety?"

Loki ignored that question.

"What specifically?"

"It doesn't matter what specifically-"

"It does matter Anthony!" It mattered to him. "If it's something that will get you hurt then it matters!"

"I'm not going to get hurt! It will work Loki that's what matters! It could save Amaya's life!"

He could tell he was getting more and more annoyed. He could see it on his face, he could hear it in his voice. He didn't care if he was mad, he could be mad all he wanted, as long as he was mad and not putting himself in danger.

"Do you think I want to save her only to lose you? Have you forgotten how much your life also means to me, did you think everything that's happened thus far, everything we've said and done, has been a joke? What did you offer her!"

"Something Loki! I'll. Be. Fine! I know you like to forget this but I don't need you protecting me or vetoing my decisions, I'm an adult! I can take care of myself!"

"No, you think you can! You're almost as bad as the Aesir! You think you're practically immortal and when you finally figure out you're not it'll be because you're already dying, and I can't fix that! What am I supposed to do then!"

"There is nothing to do Loki! I don't need to be babied!"

"What did you offer her!"

"It doesn't matter what I offered her because I'm not going to tell you until the end of the week! you gave me a week!"

"You'd tell me if it was safe! You'd tell me if you knew it wouldn't concern me!"

Tony's jaw set annoyed, but despite everything, he didn't try to dispute the statement. What could it be? What could he have given her that was so bad and that he was so sure would work? Loki tried to wrack his brain, trying to think of all the possible answers to this problem, but he was too angry to even think straight. The fact that he couldn't figure out the answer to the problem was only adding to that emotion.

"You gave me a week. I'm using it. I'm not five Loki, I'm fine! You wanna know what I offered her so badly, wait till then! Until then why don't you try to figure out how to trust me for two seconds ok!"

Trust him? Trust him? Loki was practically shaking. Fear, anger, and pain were mixing dangerously in his mind and he felt a very familiar fog start to roll over as they all mixed and he suddenly couldn't tell one from the other. It all just felt like anger.

He wanted to scream. The urge to lash out at Anthony, to take all of it out on him, was growing larger and larger by the second. Part of him wanted to act on that urge. He could feel his mind filling with insults to make the inventor feel bad in return for making him feel this way, but it was a futile gesture. He knew how that song and dance went. He started to get to his feet.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

The word was sharp with no room for further discussion which he was sure would only make Anthony even angrier but he didn't care right now. Let him be mad. He'd pissed him off enough in the last five minutes, let him be angry then.

Loki made his way to the door, heated glares being thrown in Anthony's direction every few seconds. The genius looked like he wanted to get up and chase after him, but he didn't. He watched him go, eyes wide in surprise and annoyance.

"So you're just going to leave because I didn't give you an answer you like!"

Loki paused at the door, and turned back to him, his grip on the doorknob almost crushing to metal piece to bits as he tried his best to calm down enough to say one final thing without spitting venom as he did.

"Don't you dare give me that. Do you know what you would do if I attempted something like this, if I were to do something dangerous and wouldn't tell you, if I did something that made you concerned? You would make me tell you. Suddenly it's the other way around and that honesty doesn't seem to matter to you. You can take care of yourself, you can protect yourself, and when you're dead..."

His grip tightened again. He couldn't even finish the sentence.

"It's not dangerous-"

"Then. Tell. Me."

Loki waited, the doorknob still warping under his grip as he stared at Tony, waiting for an answer to his question an answer. But he kept his mouth shut, and Loki's eyes narrowed.

"I thought so. Hypocrite."

He slammed the door behind him as he left and stomped all the way down the hall.

Tony was shaking. He could feel anger and exhaustion pooling in his veins but he couldn't do anything with it. He just had to sit with it. He went over to the demolished side of the room, grabbed a random pillow from one of the corners it ended up in, and shoved his face as deep into it as it could go before he screamed loud and hard at the top of his lungs.

Why! Why couldn't anything be simple! Why couldn't one day in this hellhole ever just be simple! Was that too much to ask! Every ten seconds something was falling apart and he had to fix it, he needed to fix it, and the consequences were too dire not to, but everything was always so complicated! 

Why couldn't he go back to working on robots? They were so much simpler. No grudges, no screaming matches, he didn't have to prove anything to them and when they annoyed him he could turn them off! Best of all, they didn't make him feel so guilty.

As much as he hated to admit it, and he really hated to, Loki had a point. If he thought the mage was doing something dangerous and trying to hide it from him... maybe Loki calling him a hypocrite wasn't off base, but it would all be worth it. As long as it worked it would all be worth it. It had to work. If it didn't...

In his mind, he didn't feel like he'd lied. He was safe, he was sure Pepper would give in to his words long before he ever actually had to go to Loki's home realm. Even if he did want to he still couldn't go!

He only had a week. If he didn't succeed in his threats, by the time he got back to Earth Pepper would've been dealt with by Loki, and he understood why he was angry, he was angry with her too, but he was trying to save a life! Two lives! Possibly three! Did he not get that!

He couldn't tell Loki he'd threatened to go to Jotunheim. The mage would freak, whether he actually went through with it or not. That wasn't an option, and he wasn't going to lie, so that left this. He really was safe, he knew he was, but Loki wouldn't see it that way. He'd be pissed.

Although, if he did go to Jotunheim, if he built something that would allow him to survive the temperatures because there was no way either Loki or Amaya were helping him do it, that threat could not only become a possible reality, it could give them everything they needed to keep the two Jotun alive.

There was probably nothing Pepper wouldn't give to see him off that realm if he went, but that was assuming Loki didn't torture Pepper into compliance first. Unfortunately, that wasn't a guarantee... He didn't like any of this.

Tony screamed a few more times into the pillow before he picked it up and threw it violently across the room. He didn't care where it landed. Every time he thought they had peace, every time, it was shattered in an instant. One thing was for sure, he was done for the day. He was exhausted, everyone would have to figure their own stuff out. He was tired of it.

He grabbed his tablet and quietly got to work. He probably wouldn't be seeing the mage again for a little while. He'd work on his pitch since he had the time.

As much as Loki wanted to be pissed he'd have to do that on his own that time. Maybe that was petty, but he wasn't about to act like a bad guy for trying to save a life, and despite feeling like that statement was completely true, it didn't make him feel any better.

Pepper sighed in annoyance when she heard another knock on her door. Could no one give her peace today? Usually, no one came to her room now suddenly everyone wanted to talk to her.

It couldn't be Tony again. At least she hoped it wasn't Tony again, because she didn't have anything different to say to him than what she'd said earlier and she didn't have time for another temper tantrum. She was already exhausted.

It could be Amaya. Despite what she'd said earlier, and she was still curious, she didn't want to deal with her right now either. She just wanted to rest. She was still trying to figure out a way to get them all off this realm and back to where they each belonged. She couldn't do that while dealing with... whatever this was.

She considered pretending to be asleep and not answering it at all. It would definitely be the easier option, but before she could even consider it further, the knock sounded again, more insistently this time. Whoever it was that was at her door, they weren't going away. She sighed and got up, her peace ruined.

When she opened the door, dread immediately ran through her like a tidal wave with a suddenness and a ferocity that she didn't even know was possible. She really wished she hadn't opened the door. She should've pretended to be asleep. She put on the most professional smile she could and kept a hand subtly on the door, ready to slam it if need be.

"Prince Loki, hello. Can I help you?"

His eyes narrowed slightly. She wanted to run, she needed to run. He looked like he would attack any second. She needed to get away.

"Yes, I believe you can."

The fear gripped her heart even harder than before as he sized her up. What was he trying to see? Was he trying to decide if he could kill her? No, he knew he could. He was probably deciding how.

She wondered if she could slam the door before he could reach inside and grab her. She wondered if she could make it out of the window above her desk before he barged in, but even with that where would she go? She didn't know the answers, she didn't know if escape from this situation was possible. So she did the next best thing available, she kept smiling.

"You had a conversation with Anthony earlier, yes?"

The corners of her mouth fell a little bit. Her eyes hardened as the fear suddenly stopped as her focus redirected. Ah, so this was about Tony. She wondered if he knew his little crush was currently in the hallway threatening people, but of course, he'd never see it that way. Loki, hurt someone? Never. She tried to mentally calm herself as her smile reset. 

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit confused. Was there something specific you wanted from me?"

"Wipe that stupid look off your face, now."

His red eyes narrowed at her slightly and she felt the fear beginning to spread again up and through her core, but she didn't care. She tried to resist it, he was threatening Tony. She needed to protect him. Still pissing him off wasn't going to help either one of them right now.

Pepper let the smile slowly melt from her face until she was looking at him with an expression that was just short of a glare. She couldn't believe this was the person her friend was trying to save. He didn't deserve such affections. Where was Tony? Was he ok?

"Anthony offered you something when you two talked earlier. I want to know what it was."

"If you want to know what my conversation with Tony was pertaining to-"

"I know what the conversation was pertaining to, do not assume what I do and do not know about the current situation. I know more than you think. I want to know what he offered you."

Pepper's grip on the door tightened both out of fear and anger. She held her ground and tried to think of a way to escape. She knew Loki still wasn't the best on his feet. She didn't know quite how much progress he'd made though, the fact that he was here meant he'd clearly gotten a lot better.

She could try to sweep his legs, run out and grab Tony and they could both probably outr un him with ease but if she failed she was dead. Besides that where would they go? There wasn't another town around for hundreds of miles, they were as secluded as secluded could be, but they would have to figure that out then. Right now this was a matter of survival. She still had one last thing she could try.

"I'm sorry prince Loki but I cannot discuss my private conversations with Tony, it would be a breach of his trust and his privacy. You understand if I told you, or if he knew you'd been asking about his private conversations without his knowledge, he'd be quite upset."

Loki's eyes widened in incredulity. He looked like he didn't know if he was more shocked or ammused.

"Are you threatening me?"

"No, No!" Yes. "But if you are truly concerned, you can ask him about it yourself. I wouldn't want you to make him mad."

"You understand if whatever deal he made with you comes to fruition and he is hurt because of it, I will end your life in the most violent ways possible. You understand that, right?"

And as much as that drove fear into her heart, death threats from people with actual body counts had that effect on her, the anger it immediately spiked outweighed it by a great deal.

"I'm sorry Mr. Laufeyson but I believe you may have confused our roles here. I'm Tony's attendant, I have been for a long time and I'm his best friend. I would never let anything or anyone hurt him. If your concern was that I was going to accept something that would put him in danger, you'll be happy to know you're very much mistaken. If you remember, I'm the one who's been with him his entire life and as long as he's been with me he's been fine. I'm not a threat to his safety."

"Are you refusing to tell me what I want to know?"

"Before you threaten me, I'd like to remind you how that went last time you tried to hurt someone in this house. While I regret that our happy trip started on such an unfortunate note, I'd hate to see what would happen if Tony found out you'd tried to hurt his best friend. You had one of those, did you not? I believe you know how that feels."

Loki went rigid as a board. Pepper still desperately wanted to run. She still refused to answer the question. She scoffed at the very idea, telling him that Tony threatened to go to Jotunheim. That was probably just what he wanted. He'd have Tony where no one could protect him in his home, and short of a war she had no idea how she'd ever get him back home, if he lived long enough for her to even try. No, she wouldn't allow that. Over her dead body.

"You are playing with my magic, my relationships, and my patience Ms. Potts."

'You are playing with my friend's life.'

"I'm sorry Mr. Laufeyson, I can't help you. Is there anything else you need today?"

Pepper prepared to slam the door. She held tight to the frame and got ready to swing it as hard as she could, but when she looked down, she finally realized that his foot was positioned ever so slightly in the doorway.

He'd already thought of that. There would be no escaping. Pepper's eyes cut back up to Loki's immediately, a great deal more fear in them but the angerd Jotun didn't attempt to move forward. He stayed right where he was.

"No. That was all. But I'll be back."

"You cannot hurt me. If you do-"

"Whatever stupid petty words are about to come out of your mouth, save them. I don't care what you are about to attempt to threaten me with. As I said, you are playing with my relationships, Ms. Potts. I would give my life for those. You cannot even begin to imagine what I would do to yours."

She genuinley screamed as Loki stepped back and grabbed the door and wripped it out of her hands with no effort at all to slam it shut. He was so strong. He probably wasn't even incapacitated, it was probably all a trick!

She waited for a few seconds in utter terror as she listened to him making his way back down the hallway and away from her. Her heart was beating a million miles an hour as she finally fell to the ground, legs shaking and breaths coming in harsh insufficent gasps.

What had she done? What was she going to do? She was terrified, and she had so many questions but she didn't care about any of them right now. They all seemed trivial compared to the fear in her heart, but even about all that, one thought rang true and screamed in her mind above all the other noise. She had to get herself and Tony out of this house. Now.

Chapter Text

Loki heard when Tony left his room to go talk to Pepper. Besides being wracked by worry and refusing to let himself sleep the entire night through, Tony wasn't a very light walker. It wasn't very hard. He heard him reach Pepper's door, knock, and waited until he heard her door close again with both of them safely inside her room.

He was still angry. He was beyond angry, actually. He had no desire or intention to be around Tony today. Whatever it was he was up to, this supposedly "safe" plan that he couldn't share, he wasn't going to stand for it and he definitely wasn't going to stand for him trying to hide it. He got up and made his way toward the room.

He slipped in quickly and grabbed his cane. It hurt to pick it up. The gift Tony made him... even now he wasn't quite as foolish as he once was. In all his anger at him, he wanted to be with him.

He'd considered it many times in the night, slipping into the room undetected and going to sleep on the wall, where Tony was, where he could see him and be with him. That's what he wanted, but the relief it brought him wouldn't last. Eventually, he'd wake up and the very thought of even seeing Anthony knowing what was going on and the level of panic it was causing in him...

He couldn't see him right now. He refused to. Between the anger and the worry, he was bound to say or do something he'd regret. It was that exact thought train that prevented him from going into the room and sleeping the entire night through.

It wasn't back at the beginning of this process, a night not sleeping wouldn't do him that much damage, not as much as having a nightmare and not talking to Tony about it but he wasn't going to do that. Besides, he had things to do today. He didn't have time to be having a panic attack.

With that thought in mind, he walked back to the living room and put the cane on the couch. He would use that later. He'd been looking for time to practice walking with it for what felt like forever, and now it would serve as the perfect distraction from the very person who made it. Irony.

Next came the most annoying part, Loki sat back and waited, what felt like forever, until he heard Pepper's door open and Tony's heavy stomping footsteps heading back down the hallway and finally his door slamming.

He supposed the conversation didn't go as he'd hoped. He seemed really hopeful about his ability to convince his attendant. Maybe he just really didn't want Lok "talking" to her himself. He wasn't sure which it was, but he wasn't all that convinced that Pepper could be swayed.

She seemed to be very set in her ways and in her opinions. She didn't care about anyone other than Anthony. Ironically enough if this were a different situation he may have been able to cosign that sentiment.

Part of him wanted to confront her now. Still, he gave Anthony his week, he'd let him have it. That wasn't what he needed to be focused on right now anyways. He'd promised Amaya breakfast. Now that Tony was in his room he could start on it. He finally had a chance again to talk to her again and he was using it. Even despite everything going on he felt his heart give a small ripple of excitement.

He grabbed out all the same ingredients, he remembered the process from last time. He briefly again considered why everything looked fresh and thought about asking Anthony but the second he even thought of his name he could feel his anger rising. He pushed the thought away, for now.

He'd originally said he planned to make this meal again for the genus, and at the time when he'd been in a much better mood he'd meant it, but now that he was pissed off at the human and his unnecessarily dangerous promises and secrets, now he wasn't quite in the mood. Still, he did have to eat. He'd make him something.

Loki worked slowly, listening out for footsteps in the hall as he did and making sure nothing he did made a sound. He didn't want Tony to hear he was awake and come to talk to him, he didn't want to talk about this. He'd demand to know what Tony promised, and Tony would refuse to tell him, and then they'd be screaming at each other all over again.

These days he didn't really like arguing with Anthony. He preferred when they were happily getting along and when he could be wrapped in his arms and feel safe and secure and like everything could be ok and they could talk about anything... But then, of course, thinking about Tony again made him think about...

He felt the egg in his hand break under his grip and sighed. He needed to stop. This train of thought wasn't going to get him anywhere. He finished the food as fast as he could under the circumstances and put it all on plates. 

He put Tony's food down in front of the door. He'd see it eventually he was sure. He went to Amaya's room and knocked on the door. He didn't have to wait long before she was at the door smiling at him, but as soon as the door opened the look changed to one of slight concern.

He was sure it was nothing in his outward appearance, he looked completely fine, but then again his outward appearance wasn't the only thing she noticed.

"Good morning. I brought your food."

"Thanks... Do you feel ok?"

"I am a bit... upset at Anthony right now."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

Amaya nodded but she still looked just as concerned. She stepped aside and let Loki into her room and brought the plate in with her. As soon as they were inside she turned her attention to the plate in front of her piled high with food.

He had his theories on which would be her favorite. Every item was completely foreign to her, if nothing else it would be a fun distraction. He sat down on the bed while she sat down at the desk.

"Try that one, it's meat."

Amaya picked up the piece of meat and nibbled at it cautiously before her eyes went bright.

"Mmm! What is this?"

"Bacon. I'm not sure what animal it's from."

"That's good! Midgardians have some good food. We have to ask Tonny more about-"

Amaya's mouth immediately shut mid-bite as Loki's emotion gave a violent spike. She stared at him for a second, he was sure the emotion itself wasn't unfamiliar to her coming from him, but the subject wasn't what it normally was these days. He gave her an apologetic look.

"Sorry."

'S'ok. Not something you can completely control..." Amaya looked down at her plate studying the items on her plate for a second. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

He remembered when that question didn't come out with hesitation. He remembered when Amaya was the first person he went to about anything and a part of him wanted to slip back into it as if they'd never left it, but he couldn't. He'd tell her if it wouldn't concern her or if it wasn't about her... Maybe he was no better than Tony...

"I can't. I'm sorry."

She nodded solemnly and went back to pushing food around her plate quietly and he looked on at her trying to find the words to say. He wanted to reassure her. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't because of her, that it wasn't because he didn't trust her, but it would make no difference.

If he couldn't do that he could at least take her mind off the current topic and the only other thing for him to really ask about besides the food, unfortunately, was...

"How are the wedding preparations going?"

"Pretty well. Everything's ready, the palace is just being set up for the ceremonies... Hey, how come you always refer to it the Midgardian way? You never call it a bonding ceremony."

Loki shrugged trying to his feelings.

"When we first arrived here the idea that I was being bonded was beyond surreal. After that, I just couldn't stand the thought of being bonded to him."

"Look how that turned out."

"Now... Now I just... Don't want to think about it."

"Why not?"

"Bonded to a man I will not be able to stay with."

Amaya paused. She looked up for a second with sympathy, but as soon as she did he waved it off. He definitely couldn't handle that right now, not on top of everything else. 

"There are sadder things in life. I met him, that's enough."

"What if it's not?"

"It has to be. I don't have a choice. How are you liking your food so far?"

"It's good! I don't like these things." Amaya pointed to the pieces of fruit on her plate.

"I believe that's canteloupe. They have many new foods here."

"I see. But everything else I like. What's this?"

"Chicken eggs."

"What's a chicken?"

"I have no idea."

Loki explained all the different foods to her as she ate until the conversation faded back to silence. They both sat back for a while as Amaya continued to eat.

"Are you going to be ok today?"

Part of him wanted to say yes if only to make her feel better. He decided to ignore the question instead.

"I'm going to practice walking today."

"Really? You've gotten good with that."

"Without needing a wall for assistance."

"Oh! Do you want any help with that?"

Loki smiled. "I would love some."

Tony was frustrated. He was a lot of other things too but for the sake of not rushing out of the room finding Loki and going off completely, he decided to say he was frustrated, something else he ironically enough would've never let Loki do. Maybe he was a hypocrite.

When he opened his eyes that morning, he expected to see Loki asleep against the wall across from him. He expected him to slip back in sometime late after he was already asleep, and even though their fighting was the very thing that made him so mad in the first place, seeing the mage asleep across from him would help him feel so much better. Except he wasn't there.

Tony was huffing like a bull. He could blame Loki, he would too, a large part of this was his fault for not just trusting him to take care of himself, but in reality, it wasn't all Loki. Pepper was actually causing her own frustration in his life.

He'd just gotten done arguing with her about the very mage again. Today she seemed even angrier and even more adamantly against him than she usually was and that was saying something. All the anger and yelling and frustration was pooling up inside him. He wanted to punch something.

He was sure he'd said something to Loki or Amaya at one point about what to do if they felt like this but now that it was his emotions exploding he couldn't remember a thing, so now he was typing away on his tablet trying and failing to distract himself from his current problems.

He was tired of typing on his tablet. He was tired of fighting people. He was tired of people being on the brink of death, and where was Loki? Was he seriously this mad at him, just for trying to keep everyone alive!? He knew the situation wasn't that simple, but angry as he was he just couldn't see it that way.

Tony got to his feet. He was probably in the living room just waiting for him to come out so they could have a fight about it, and even if that was what he wanted he shouldn't respond to it he knew but the other option was to sit on the floor and keep being mad. He wasn't doing that.

Tony threw open the door. He charged out so fast he almost didn't see the plate of food in front of the door, the plate that made him pause for multiple reasons. It was obviously prepared and put in front of his door by Loki for him to eat, which would've been sweet if it weren't for the second thing Tony had to stare at it.

Bread. It was just bread, two slices of bread thrown on a plate and put in front of his door. He didn't know if he wanted to scream more or less from that. He stared at it in disbelief for a minute before he scoffed and picked up the plate and brought it inside.

He didn't have time to go yell at Loki anyways even if he wanted to, and he still wanted to even if only to see how the mage was doing. But he didn't have time for that, he needed to figure out what he was going to do about Pepper.

If he could just figure this out... This was all connected somehow, he knew it, but he just didn't know how. Tony hated not knowing things, it didn't usually happen. Maybe if he and Loki sat down and thought about it tonight he-

He cut that train of thought off immediately. Loki was still mad at him, and even if he wasn't, he was still pissed at Loki. He wasn't asking him for a thing. Even if he did, he'd probably get too caught up demanding Tony tell him they wouldn't get anywhere.

The thought alone was only pissing him off more. He'd deal with it himself... Or... actually, maybe he was looking at the wrong Jotun of the household. Tony sat up slightly as the gears in his head turned.

Amaya knew something about this, but every time Loki asked her about it she said it was complicated. Somehow someway there had to be a way to get her to talk. Clearly, there was something preventing her, he just had no idea what but he needed to find out.

Well, his only options right now were to go and talk to Amaya or sit around and get even more depressed about Loki and their situation. He really didn't feel like either one. Frankly, if those were his only options, he'd rather go with luck option number three and back to sleep but that wasn't an option right now either so, he'd go with lucky option number four. Avoid it all entirely.

He'd talk to her tomorrow. He was sure she and Loki were doing something right now anyway, which was good. They were friends again. At least he had someone right now. Tony sighed and stood and headed for the door. He looked down when he opened it almost expecting to see an egg on a plate next, maybe with a note next to it calling him a hypocrite again or something, but when he opened it there was nothing there.

He went down the hallway towards the kitchen not expecting to see anything on the way there and almost screamed in the middle of the hallway when he turned to see a lot of things that made him pause all at once.

There was Loki learning to walk with his cane. That gave him mixed emotions. There was Amaya helping him. That also gave him mixed emotions, one of which was jealousy. There was a plate full of half-eaten food that Tony knew wasn't for the Jotun prince. Tony glared at Loki and walked into the kitchen. Amaya watched the entire exchange concerned.

"Morning Tony."

"Morning Amaya."

He grabbed the thing he wanted, he hadn't planned to come here to clean out his parents' liquor cabinet but maybe he'd succeed, and left to make the return journey back through the living room and down the hall to his room. As soon as Loki saw the bottle in his hand his eyes narrowed.

"What is that?"

The smart thing to do would've been to keep walking.

"What does it look like?"

"It's the middle of the morning you can't have that!"

"Why not? It goes great with bread."

He stomped down the hallway and slammed the door behind him opened the bottle and started drinking as he fell back in his usual seat.

Loki was huffing and puffing when Tony walked away and it had nothing to do with the exercise he was doing.

"Hey, Loki," Loki gave a vague grunt to show he was listening to whatever Amaya was saying "maybe you should go talk to-"

"Let's continue."

He stared down the hallway for a minute enraged, hands clenching and unclenching tightly. 

"Loki we've already been going for a while-"

"Let's continue."

He needed to continue. Until he was tired. Until every muscle was too tired to even think about confronting Tony. His hand gripped firmly around the cane and he went to make another lap around the couch.

It really was an ingenious invention. He'd have to thank Tony for it once he could look him in the face and not punch him in it. Amaya still kept staring at the bottom of it. It wasn't physically touching the ground. 

To the eye, it didn't look like it was serving much use as a cane at all, but the magnetic repulsion system at the bottom worked exactly as Tony designed it. It was very easy to use, Loki had lost track of how many times he'd made it around the piece of furniture.

It was pissing him off to move so slowly. His legs felt wobbly and he looked like a baby animal, it was frustrating! Tony would probably be proud of him though... His grip tightened.

Amaya was doing her best to talk about any random thing she could to keep his mind preoccupied and, mostly because it was her, it was helping. They talked about various things from home to different things on the TV, but every time he could see the hallway he couldn't help but look down it. He wasn't the only one looking on in concern.

"You want to go check on him don't you?"

"I want you to go check on him."

"I'm not going to do that."

And he meant it. He didn't want a repeat of last time, he didn't want to... He didn't trust himself with his words in his anger. Amaya looked conflicted but Loki just sat down on the couch and waved at her passively.

"Go. It's ok."

"Loki I'm sorry-"

"No, it's good. He... Someone should check on him. I'll be fine."

She didn't look like she believed him but she gave him a small smile anyways before she quickly walked down the hallway and towards his room.

Tony was... drunk. It was great. See, this was all he needed. Alcohol! No emotional situations, no problems, just a bottle of alcohol and a movie on his tablet where he could watch other peoples' emotional situations and other peoples' problems.

The door to the room started to open and when it did he saw a flash of blue skin and he sat up slightly. He didn't know whether he was angrier or happier but he still stared intently at the door, all the way until it opened. Amaya walked in and she had to see the look that crossed his face when she did but she didn't seem offended.

"Sorry. Thought you were-"

"I know. He's... still-"

"Being a brat?"

"I was going to say angry but I suppose you could phrase it like that."

Tony scoffed immediately. "Yeah. He's the one who should be angry. It's Loki's world."

She stared at him for a second and then stared at the bottle next to him. Right.

"What're you watching?"

"A movie."

"What's it called?"

"Harry Potter."

Tony sat up some as Amaya came and sat down with him and watched the screen as young Harry found out he was a wizard.

"One of your favorites?"

Tony shrugged. "It's a classic, can't say it's my favorite."

"So why'd you pick it?"

He shrugged solemnly. "Don't know... who cares..."

He kept looking up at the door, but it stayed closed.

"How's he doing with the cane?"

"Great, actually thought he's frustrated he's not making more progress. You'd be surprised how quickly he got the hang of it, he says it's easy to use, very well designed."

Tony kept staring at the door.

"He's not coming back here is he?"

Amaya hesitated.

"I think he's scared of what he'd say if he saw you right now."

"Oh, good, at least he's taking his feelings into consideration. Can't be too mad at him for dismissing mine, guess we never got to that lesson."

"Tony you know he doesn't want to hurt you."

"Yeah? He's doing a terrible job then."

There wasn't much to say to that. She couldn't do much for comfort. She watched the rest of the movie with him instead. Amaya turned to him when it ended a few hours later and the credits started to roll across the screen. If he blinked away tears, she was nice enough to not notice.

"Stupid movie. Wanna watch something else?"

She nodded and Tony went to a page and scrolled through an endless list of movies and shows, but after a few minutes of scrolling, she realized he wasn't picking anything. He didn't even look like he was looking at the screen.

"Do you... Want to talk about it?"

Tony's fingers paused where they were scrolling.

"Nothing to talk about. He thinks I'm doing something dangerous."

"Are you?"

"No."

"Aaand I'm assuming you tried telling him that?"

"Yes, and he won't listen!"

"Well, would you listen if you were him?"

His eyes cut over to her immediately. He sat up slightly.

"What did he tell you?"

"Nothing. I tried asking him why he was so upset but he wouldn't tell me anything."

"He doesn't trust me, that's what it is. Apparently, I'm two and I need to be babied over my every decision." Tony took another long swig of his drink. "I'm not a kid."

"I think he knows that."

"Then why does he keep acting like he doesn't!"

"Tony-"

"He knows I'm an adult he knows I'm so capable so why are we still arguing about it!"

"Tony you're asking a bunch of questions you know the answer to. He doesn't think you're two he's just scared something you might do could end in him losing you, forever."

"So that makes him treating me like I don't exist alright?"

"I'm not saying he's right, but you asked why. That's the why."

Tony huffed annoyed and went back to flipping through movies. Amaya turned to the screen.

"What's this one?"

Tony explained the plots of various shows to her as she pointed them out. They never picked on one but he didn't mind that. He just needed a distraction.

"Hey, let me ask you something."

"Hm?"

"How'd you know Pepper wasn't going to send that proposal?"

Amaya sighed.

"Tony, it's-"

"It's complicated yeah I know." Tony sighed. Everything was always complicated. "But... she doesn't want him on Earth, right?"

"You already know she doesn't."

"Yeah, I know she doesn't, but why do you know? I mean from what I can tell you two aren't close."

"No. We're not."

"So why would she tell you that?"

Amaya opened and closed her mouth a few times in frustration.

"It's complicated."

He nodded slowly. Hm.

"Do you think he's coming back here tonight?"

"I think he still needs time to cool off."

It was a sad truth but it was still the truth. Tony nodded solemnly. Amaya leaned over and tried to give him a hug and it helped, but only so much.

"I'll come and check on you tomorrow. Night."

"Night."

Tony felt alone again as soon as she left, but it was still a bit better. He'd distract himself with work tomorrow. Words weren't going to cut it with Pepper, and he was running out of time, so maybe if words wouldn't do it actions would. He sat up against the wall and finally picked something different to watch and laid his head down to fall asleep.

He'd officially done it. He was too tired to go confront Tony, at least for now. He was hurting, his limbs were crying out in pain, but that was better than the alternative. Every time he thought about going to see him he dragged himself around the couch a few more times. Now even if he wanted to he was too tired to make the trip.

He still hadn't slept. He was ok, at least he kept trying to tell himself that. Not sleeping and working himself into exhaustion was not the best combo, but if it kept him from acting on his anger, he'd do a hundred more laps and continue not resting.

He flipped through channels on the TV mindlessly, trying his best not to fall asleep. He heard a door creak open down the hall. Heavy footsteps started making their way towards the living room. Loki held his breath. It had to be Anthony.

What was he doing? Was he coming out here to talk? What was the point? Another screaming match that would end in a stalemate. He wasn't doing that. Just as he heard the footsteps about to enter the room he let his body relax on the couch. He closed his eyes and held completely still.

Tony stopped as he walked in. He didn't know what he could be doing, was he looking at him? He paused for a few more moments before he huffed and walked through the living room and into the kitchen.

That was curious, what was he possibly doing on there? He wasn't grabbing food, he better not be grabbing more liquor. He'd smash it against the floor before he let Tony take it back to his room and drink himself into stupidity. He heard a small grunt and seconds later return footsteps sounded, landing heavier than before. It sounded like he was carrying something heavy. 

The footsteps slowly disappeared down the hallway. Loki almost gave a sigh of relief but before he could the door opened again and the footsteps came once again down the hallway in his direction. He stopped for a second again before he stomped off back to the kitchen and-

Loki almost jumped up from the couch when a series of loud banging and scraping sounds suddenly went off in the kitchen. What was going on? Was Tony alright? He almost gave up his facade and rushed to the kitchen in fear and concern, until he realized that the sound he was hearing was so loud and obnoxious, Tony could only be making it on purpose, and it just kept going.

He growled annoyed. Anthony wanted to be petty? Fine. Let him. Loki kept his eyes firmly shut. If he thought he was faking before he knew he had to be now but he didn't care. Tony walked out of the kitchen and all he saw was Loki sitting there still in the same position feigning sleep on the couch. He scoffed.

"You're so full of shit Lokes."

Tony stomped back to his room and slammed the door behind him. Loki opened his eyes and glared down the hallway. He grabbed the TV remote and turned the volume up until he knew Tony could hear it and sat back on the couch annoyed again. If Tony wanted to be petty, two could play that game.

Tony was a machine running on alcohol and undealt with emotions, a combination he definitely wasn't unfamiliar with but that was still worse than it had been in a long while.

He'd taken a bunch of stuff out of the kitchen, some utensils, some cookware, the microwave, hopefully Loki's sanity, and now he was busy taking everything apart to make it usable. The sound from the TV down the hall from Loki who was "definitely" sleeping a second ago only made him want to get up and go yell at him more than he already did, but he stayed planted and kept taking apart elements. He had a job to do.

In the back of his mind, he wondered if Loki really was asleep when he first walked in. Had he slept at all since he'd left? Was it safe for him to go back to not sleeping now? What if he had a nightmare? Would he come to him for help? Would he hurt himself again all in his effort to avoid him? Tony took another drink.

The idea behind his current actions was pretty simple and two-folded. One, he desperately needed a distraction. Working was always good for that. Two, he needed a contingency plan. He was starting to doubt his ability to make Pepper change her mind. He needed something, in case this didn't work, in case Loki really did have to get sent back to Jotunheim.

But... There was also no reason why he couldn't use the same device for his benefit in his argument with Pepper. If Loki found out what he was doing... Well, who cares. He was already pissed at him anyways, how much worse could it get?

He already knew what he wanted. In a way he'd already built it, a different version of what he was building was powering the bottom of Loki's cane, he just needed to make a few slight adjustments to the magnetic field...

He wasn't sure how long he kept going before he heard a soft knock on the door. The fact that there was a knock at all immediately told him who it was, and it also told him who it wasn't.

"Come in!"

Amaya opened the door and immediately stopped and looked around in amazement and confusion at, what honestly must've looked like, a giant mess of different parts. He didn't look up from what he was doing to greet her, he didn't want to think about anything except the parts in front of him.

The second the door was open the sound of the TV got louder. He was currently, quite violently, disassembling the microwave and preparing plans for a makeshift blowtorch, but he heard her slow timid steps as she closed the door, entered the room, and took in the sights around her. 

"What's-"

"Don't ask."

"I feel like I should."

"Do me a favor, and don't."

His temper was short and he was concentrating. It wasn't the best mood for Amaya to see him in, but she walked further into the room and sat down despite those facts.

"I'm going to see him later you want me to carry a message?"

Tony ripped at the back panel.

"Tell him he's an asshole."

"...Is there any other-"

"Nope."

Amaya sighed.

"You know Tony, until you two talk-"

"He doesn't want to talk! He's made that clear, he wants to be petty and ask me the same stupid question-"

"You could answer it."

"So he can yell at me some more? What's that gonna resolve? No thanks."

Amaya sighed.

"So you're both going to continue to be angry at each other until this resolves itself by magic?"

"There any spells for that?"

"None that I know of, no. Maybe you should go ask Loki."

"Subtle."

"It wasn't supposed to be."

Tony finally looked up and let the tools he was working with drop from his hands.

"You want me to go talk to him? Fine."

Tony got to his feet and went for the door with Amaya right behind him. It was only seconds later they were in the living room. Loki must've been able to hear him a mile away because by the time he got there, he was already, once again, laid out on the couch "asleep" and that more than anything only pissed Tony off more.

"Is that really how you want to play this?"

Loki stayed on the couch feigning sleep.

"Fine. Human lesson. Here's how we deal with these kinds of things on Earth."

"Tony maybe you shouldn't-"

"No, no we're here now! you wanted us to talk-" Tony stuck his finger in his mouth "-so let's talk." and put it as deep as it would go in Loki's ear.

Between one second and the next, he was being grabbed and slammed to the ground with Loki over him holding the wrist of the offending hand above his head with an obvious effort not to squeeze tighter and looking like a raging bull.

"What is wrong with you!"

"Oh good so you're awake! I figured I'd come out here and remind you that I'm alive since you seem so keen on forgetting that fact!"

"I'll remember you're alive when you figure out how to stop being a hypocrite!"

"I'm not doing anything dangerous do you need a mnemonic device!"

"Then tell me what it is!"

"No!"

"Then go away! If you can't even trust me-"

"You don't get to talk about trust when you can't even trust me with my own safety-"

"What did you promise her Stark!"

"It doesn't matter-"

"Just because you don't care about your health-"

"I'm trying to save people's lives-"

"Maybe!" Both heads turned to Amaya as she suddenly piped up. "Maybe it doesn't matter who's right and the important thing is to address the emotions that have been raised because of this whole situation?"

Loki turned to Tony glaring.

"What did you offer her?"

"I'm not telling you!"

"Then go away!"

"Fine! I didn't want to come out here anyway!"

Loki turned his face into the couch as Tony marched back to his room, slammed the door behind him, and continued disassembling the microwave. Amaya looked after both of them with a sigh.

Pepper didn't want to answer the door. She stared at it for a moment contemplating whether or not she just wanted to ignore it, but no matter how long she sat there and pretended not to be there, Tony just kept banging on it over and over and over again.

She'd gotten a day off yesterday and had assumed (hoped really) that Tony was done, that he'd given up and he would be done annoying her about this. As it turned out, he was not.

She sighed and finally went over to open the door and she opened her mouth ready to vent her frustration on the current source of said frustrations, but when she looked, her first reaction wasn't actually to Tony. It was to the two metal balls he was holding, one in each of his hands.

"What... What are those?"

"A little invention I've been working on. I wanted to show them to you."

Pepper sighed

"Tony I have a lot of work to do, can't this wait for the expo-"

"This one isn't for the expo Pep, and trust me, you're gonna want to see it now."

The tone in his voice made her stop. It was the same one he'd been using all week for the exact issue she hoped he was done with. She sighed hard and let him into her room. She could at least take comfort in the fact that no matter what he built, it was very unlikely to make matters any worse.

"Let me show you how they work."

Tony threw the two balls up in the air. Pepper expected them to reach a point and start to drop, that's what normally happened when someone threw something in the air, but instead, the devices both reached their apex, and stopped. They hung silently in the air and spun around Tony's head in a slow orbit while she watched and she was... confused.

"Tony? What is this?"

"This is a forcefield. It will protect anything inside, including itself, and will repel anything that tries to get past it. Go on. Try to touch me."

"I don't know if I want to-"

"Come ooooon. It's just a wall, go for it!"

She couldn't see a wall. She couldn't see anything there wasn't anything there to see. She reached forward still expecting her hand to reach Tony despite knowing she wouldn't and almost flinched in alarm when her hand was suddenly repelled by an invisible force.

"The amount of force inflicted on it is the amount of force it will push back with. Basically the harder you hit it the harder it hits you. It moves with the person it surrounds and the only way to deactivate it-" Tony reached up and grabbed both balls "-is to break the connection between the devices which are also safely stored inside the forcefield. In other words, it's unbreakable except by the person its protecting."

"So what, is this your new argument to let him stay in the palace? Put him in a cage, which I hardly think he'll agree to, give him the lock to it, and hope it goes ok from there?"

"Actually no. This isn't just for if he stays at the palace. This is also for if he goes home. These babies will repel any attack thrown at them. They're self-sustaining and they won't die. These will keep him alive until I can submit a proposal to stay on Jotunheim for the foreseeable future, and if that proposal gets denied, well, I'll just go anyways."

Pepper's eyes started to widen as she started to realize the gravity of what Tony was saying and she started to wrack her mind for ways to get around this.

"So can he stay on Earth or should I get ready to go visit the north pole?"

"Tony, you need to listen-"

"Done listening Pep, already gave you your options, choose."

"Tony it's not that simple-"

"As of today, it's that simple! I'm making it that simple Pep! Give him his magic or I will stay there until you do! Make a choice!"

It won't matter by then the contract will be sealed! That's what Pepper wanted to yell but she couldn't. Even if she wanted to give Loki his magic back by that point, she'd no longer be able to but she couldn't say that. The contract wouldn't allow her to.

"What's it gonna be Pep? Should I go give Loki his new toy?"

"Tony I can't-"

"You can, and we both know you can. Release his magic."

"Tony please-"

"I will give them to him!"

"Tony, you have to understand-"

"We're not doing a back and forth here Pepper! Yes, or no?"

"Tony, please, just this once please listen to me when I say you can't do this! He's dangerous! He's going to kill you and everyone else in the palace, can't you see that!?"

"Why does everyone feel like they need to treat me like a child!? I can say what is and isn't good for me, I know what Loki is, more than you do, I'm tired of all the whining about how I can't be trusted to take care of myself! I'm! An! A-dult! Give him his magic back!"

"No!"

Tony's eyes narrowed. There were tears in her eyes but there wasn't any sympathy in his. He turned around and left and slammed the door behind him, leaving her there in a state of internal panic.

The rest of the week followed the same dismal pattern. The actions between all sides became pettier and pettier as the days went on and the anger grew. Loki snuck into Tony's room while he was out and stole his tablet. Tony took the remote while Loki pretended to sleep making a comment about how he "didn't need it since he was sleeping all day."

Ironically enough, Loki still hadn't slept once the entire week. He'd stopped walking, he didn't want to risk not being able to get up again. Any time he wasn't arguing with Pepper, Tony was working. He barely ate, he didn't talk to anyone, even Amya when she came to check on him except to nod or shake his head to questions, and each day the tension between everyone grew more and more.

Amaya checked on them both throughout the days but they both adamantly refused to have a genuine conversation and after what happened last time she decided it might not be a good idea to bring it back up. 

Tony kept arguing with Pepper. The tone of their screaming matches took a huge shift after that day. Each one ended with Pepper begging him to please reconsider, to think about the consequences of his actions, but despite all her begging for him to give in when the question was finally raised her answer was always no.

The days went on. By the time the seventh day came, he knew the answer would be no and stay no. He'd failed. Loki, Amaya, and now Pepper weren't saved. He wasn't worried though, he didn't have time to be.

He'd put the shield around Pepper if he had to. He didn't want any more death or despair haunting this trip, and in the meantime, he'd finish preparing his plans to go to Jotunheim. He hadn't meant it at first, but now he was desperate and desperate times... He was sure both of these things would only piss Loki off more but who cared? Not like they were the best of friends right now anyways.

The door to the room opened and he looked up to see who it was, expecting Amaya. His hands faltered where they were working for just a second and he leveled the person at the door with a death glare before he looked back down at his work refusing to look back up.

"Were you able to convince her?"

"Take a wild guess."

"The week is up. Are you going to tell me what it is you offered her?"

Tony's hands squeezed tightly around the tools in his hand.

"You know what, no I'm not!"

"You said you would at the end of the week-"

"Yeah well, that was before you pissed me off for seven days straight!"

Loki was absolutely fuming. He was shaking with rage.

"You hypocritic self-absorbed bastard-"

"Don't you dare the only person you've cared about all week is yourself-!"

Tony was forced to stop as Loki stomped off towards the living room leaving him there to be angry by himself. Oh hell no. Seconds later Tony was rounding the corner right after him.

"That's what we're doing now? You don't get an answer you like and you just walk away!"

"Don't start with me right now Stark!"

"So we're back to last names now Laufeyson?"

"Figure out how to answer a simple question you promised to answer, I'll remember how to say your name selfish little-"

"You know you're acting like such a child right now! Aren't you supposed to be the oldest one here?!"

"Yes, and I guess that explains why you're acting like a entitled spoiled brat!"

"I'm a brat because I don't want to be ignored!?"

"You're a brat because you demand and don't want to give like a selfish ignorant child with no regard for others' feelings!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm trying to come up with a way to save everyone else in this house's lives I'm such a horrible person right!?"

"I wish I would've never trusted you!"

"If you didn't you'd still be on the floor!"

"I don't need you Stark you can feel free to go at any time!"

"Oh so now you regret everything, one things happens and suddenly it all wasn't worth it!"

"You don't get to make me care and then die like everyone else! If all you wanted was to hurt me, if all you wanted was to throw your life away-"

"I'm not in danger Loki! You are! Amaya is! Pepper is! Everyone else is in danger becasue of your temper tantrum and I'm trying to fix it! Screw you for trying to turn me into the villain for that! You know what would happen if I let you handle the problems you created for everyone else your way? You would probably die!"

"I DON'T CARE! Let me die then! Do you not see that I would prefer that!"

Tony faltered for a second, his next blind argument being caught on his lips before he could say them.

"I'm not going to let you get yourself killed Loki-"

"I'll kill myself here before I ever let you be hurt! Do you not get that? After everything that has happened do you not understand that! I love you I don't want to I hate that I do! I hate that I'm this weak! I hate that I let something as stupid as emotions let me make the same mistake over and over and over and over again but I will kill myself today before I let them hurt you or Amaya! If your method of "fixing" my problems involves you getting hurt-"

"It doesn't Loki can you listen for one second! I'm not going to get hurt-"

"Then what is it!"

"I threatened to go to Jotunheim ok!"

Loki stopped and stared at Tony, mouth open and eyes open wider. He tried to talk for several seconds but he wasn't able to form words.

"You threatened... to what?" Tony stared at him. Loki stared back begging him to say it was a joke. "Tell me it was a bluff." Tony stayed silent. "Anthony! Tell me you were bluffing!"

Loki was in his face half begging half commanding him to tell him something, anything different from what he'd just told him but Tony could say anything for a second.

"It... Loki you have to understand there's a lot at stake-"

"It was a bluff! Tell me it was a bluff!"

"I don't want anyone to die Loki! That includes Pepper."

"Well, what do you want me to do? She's going to get Amaya killed!"

"I don't know Lokes you're supposed to be a prince I know this is weird coming from me but did you ever consider diplomacy?"

"That's rich coming from you."

"Yeah, well, it's nonexistent coming from you. Maybe if you used it more, we wouldn't be in this mess."

Tony went back to his room leaving Loki back in the living room where they both started. Loki stared after him for many moments and put his head in his hands and lost himself deep in thought.

Pepper sighed loudly when she heard a knock on her door. It was late. He couldn't seriously be trying this two times in one day. One last ditch effort for the night she supposed. She didn't even have the energy to pretend she wasn't there, she just dragged herself to the door hoping this would be quick. She immediately realized it would be anything but as she opened the door and tightly grabbed the knob. 

"Hello Mr. Laufeyson."

"Hello Ms. Potts."

Something about him was different. He didn't look as threatening this time. He also wasn't holding his foot in the door. Maybe she should slam it and run before he changed his mind.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes. I believe there is."

"Mr. Laufeyson I don't want to be rude and I don't know what time Jotun typically go to sleep, but it is quite late, and if this is about what Tony offered me again-"

"No, it's not actually. I have no intention of discussing that with you tonight."

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she tried to find the lie, the trick, the danger in his presence or his words.

"So then what did you come to discuss with me?"

"Don't look so scared Ms. Potts I mean you no harm. I came here to make a deal."

Chapter Text

"Do you remember when I told you I know more about the current situation than you may think?"

"Yes."

"I'm not sure whether or not Anthony has made you aware, but, I know you are the reason I cannot have my magic, you are the one controlling it and preventing Amaya from giving it back to me. You, as it turns out, have total control over this situation."

By the way, she stiffened he assumed she didn't know he knew that. She already looked ready to slam the door and run, honestly, she was like one of the small animals in the forest. Even they put up a better fight than this.

The threat she was and the ease with which he could remove that threat... Every instinct in him told him to do it and even as he stood there, his fingers itching to just grab her and fix all of this the easy way, Tony's voice still rang in the back of his head.

"I don't want anyone to die Loki! That includes Pepper."

Curse that human, his inexplicable care for this roach of a person, and Loki's inexplicable love for said human. Life was so much simpler when he didn't care. But then he didn't have Tony back then... Loki slowly blew a breath out of his nose. Diplomacy. Right.

"Mr. Laufeyson if you've come to threaten me-"

"No, I came to offer you something. I thought I made that clear."

"I don't believe there's anything I want at the moment-"

"Of course there is. You want me to die." He rolled his eyes at Pepper's immediate shock and surprise.

"Don't act so startled, you haven't made it that big of a secret. You think me a danger to Tony and because you think me so dangerous, you want me away from him permanently, and being a powerful person both magic-wise and politically with a new alliance with your realm, there is no way you could keep us physically apart if I was still alive. Am I correct, Ms. Potts?"

"If you're accusing me of actively trying to murder a prince-"

"Not actively, no. You'd never achieve that, I'd break your neck before you could even raise a finger, but apparently, I'm not getting my magic back at the end of this trip, am I Ms. Potts?"

"I never said you weren't."

"No, but despite your many fears about what I could do to Anthony here, you don't seem to be worried about what will happen once we leave this cabin. I would have to come back to Midgard eventually for the sake of our new political alliance, even for some things you couldn't possibly be present for unless you make a habit of supervising his sex life. Stop shaking. As I said I am not here to hurt you, I'm here to offer you something."

Loki crossed his arms impatiently as he waited for her to get herself together enough to even listen.

"What is your offer exactly prince Loki?"

"Your plan isn't going to work."

"What plan-"

"Every second you continue to play dumb with me you only piss me off!"

Pepper flinched back when Loki suddenly raised his voice. Loki tried to take another deep breath. Diplomacy. Diplomacy. 

"Your plan, to send me home and leave me without magic which will result in me dying by an attacker, isn't going to work. You have taken control of my magic, an offense which I sorely want to rip you limb from limb for, but Amaya is sworn to protect me. To this end, she will give me her magic to defend myself with instead."

"She can't do that!"

"She can. You have control over my magic, not hers. When we get back to Jotunheim, she will give me her magic and I will use it to defend myself, to live on, and, if for nothing more than to piss you off, to see Tony on many unsupervised, unknown of by you, visits, where I will have full access to him in any way I want, and you don't want that, do you?"

"So what is it exactly you're offering me? It can't be for you to stay on Earth."

"No. We all know you see me as a threat to Tony, but I think we can both agree that Amaya is of no harm to him, so here is my offer. Let her stay on Earth instead. When I go back, I will go back alone. She will not be with me to give me her magic and I will die to an attacker, probably within a day or two I'm sure. You will officially be safe from me."

"What's to stop her from giving it to you while you're still here?"

"She's still trying to play nice. Until such time as we leave this cabin, she will still try to convince you to give me my magic back yourself, something we all know you're not going to do but she will try anyways. Besides, she has weekly check-ins with my father as a requirement of this trip. She can't risk him believing anything is wrong, he would be here within moments."

"What's to stop her once she finds out about this deal?"

"She won't find out about it because you're not going to tell her and neither will I. She will be unassuming and unaware until such time as she has to know when we are already back for the wedding."

”Why would you do this? What could you possibly have to gain from doing this?”

"In exchange for giving me her magic, Amaya will be hung. I'm preventing that. I love her. I'm trying to save my friend's life. That is the difference between you and me Ms. Potts, when I go above and beyond to save someone it's because they're actually in danger and despite you labeling me as the monster I somehow found a way to do it without hurting anyone else in the process. Unlike you. You're just scared. I will never hurt Anthony again. You will never understand how true those words are when I say them. I love him."

"The last time you had your magic you tried to blast him with it."

"Quite a few things have obviously changed since then. Be grateful for that. Originally I was going to bang your head against the wall until you either agreed to give me magic back or died in the process. It is only because he cares about you and I care about him that you're still breathing.

"I cannot threaten you into believing I'm not dangerous and you would never believe even my truest efforts, which you've already seen. So I'm giving you what you want. My life, in exchange for my friends. She's my best friend. I believe you had one of those, right? Someone you'd give your life for."

"I still have one of those."

"After this trip, you'll be lucky if he even looks at you."

She didn't look happy. The circumstances weren't her favorite, but there was no denying it, by every metric it was a deal she could never refuse.

"Do we have a deal, Ms. Potts, or should I proceed with my original plan?"

Her eyes narrowed.

"Threatening violence after swearing you're safe?"

"I'm safe to Anthony, not to you."

"Anyone who's so ready to resort to violence to get their way isn't safe period."

"A mile in my shoes? Is that the saying? Do that and then you can tell me how fast or slow to resort to violence Ms. Potts it has been my only correct answer for centuries. Do we have a deal?"

"I want it in writing."

"No."

"Then how do I know you'll stick to it?"

"I feel like I've already said this once or twice but if I don't my best friend will die."

"I understand that but, in the interest of our business deal, how about some actions, in a show of good faith?"

Loki's hands clenched.

"What actions do you mean, particularly Ms. Potts?"

"Tony has made you something, a little device that acts as a forcefield."

"Ok. And?"

"And the... effects of this deal won't really take place if you have it. It's meant to protect you from attackers after you reach Jotunheim. Don't bother calling me a monster I've heard it all before."

"You're right. I'd call you more of a dorthrak."

"He's going to give them to you. Bring them here, and destroy them. Do we have a deal?"

Loki held one of his hands out. Pepper stared at it dubiously before she slowly reached her hand out and took it. He could feel how frail she was, how easy it would be to just grab her and... They shook on it, and the door closed.

The moment the door was shut Loki finally let his tired body sink as quietly as he could to the floor. His legs were shaking. He felt terrible. He hadn't noticed it over the course of the conversation, he was too pissed off to feel it, but now that the door was closed, the conversation was over and he could finally notice his own bodily state, he realized he was only barely staying conscious.

It was over now. Now he just had to make it back to the couch... He'd figure out some way to keep himself awake through the night after that. He tried pulling himself up on the wall and quickly realized that wasn't going to work this time. He'd officially overdone it.

He growled at himself in annoyance and got to his hands and knees and started crawling down the hallway. This was embarrassing. He tried using the frustration and anger he felt as fuel to keep getting down the hall, but apparently, even that was fading now that he'd been forced to realize his overwhelming exhaustion and fatigue. He just needed to keep going... Just keep crawling...

But he could only get so far. His body collapsed on the floor. He tried to pull himself forward with a pained grunt, vision blurring, but it was a futile effort. He reached forward and passed out.

His entire night was filled with nightmares his body was too exhausted to even wake up from. He fought one mental battle after the next, hoping each moment would be the one where it finally ended. He opened his eyes slowly the next morning, almost expecting more torture, but instead, he got sunlight. He wasn't on the couch. He was somewhere much more familiar.

"You really are a glutton for punishment aren't you?"

His eyes fell unsurprised on Tony sitting across from him, tablet back in his hands working away on something and making a joke, though he didn't look all that happy. It was all so familiar. He was against the same wall. He was back in his room.

"You trying to restart this whole process again because the next time I have to give you physical therapy I'm charging you."

Loki just kept staring. It was all the same, but he didn't know what to say after everything. He just stared. Eventually Tony looked up from his tablet at him, still looking annoyed.

"What can't speak to me anymore?"

"...How did you get me inside?"

Tony rolled his eyes and turned back to his tablet. Loki cursed himself for his stupidity. Was that really the best thing he could think to say?

"Well it wasn't easy but I squared my shoulders, ate a can of spinach- I called Amaya what else? How else was I going to get you in here?"

"You didn't leave me on the couch?"

Tony shrugged.

"You're welcome to go back. You know the way."

"Do you want me to?"

Tony shrugged again. Loki stared at him for a second.

"What're you working on?"

"A suit of armor to survive Jotunheim. Get as mad as you want about it, it won't stop me."

"That won't be necessary."

"If I have to tell you one more time-"

"No, I mean... I had a talk with Ms. Potts. No bloodshed. I fixed it."

Tony's fingers paused where they were typing.

"...What did you two talk about?"

"It's as you said. I used diplomacy."

"Ok... What happened?"

"Amaya's life is saved and Ms. Pott's will not die. Not by my hand anyways."

"O... k... and what did you negotiate with?"

"It doesn't matter."

Tony immediately went back to looking pissed.

"You really want to play this game-"

"It doesn't matter-"

"You left the room and refused to talk to me for a week when I said that you don't get to say that it doesn't matter!"

Loki opened his mouth. The urge to continue the petty game they'd been playing for the last week that got them to this point in the first place was still alive in his head, but he didn't want to do it. He could still see the pain in Tony's eyes, and besides that he was tired. Maybe he could continue fighting with Pepper, but with Anthony... he was tired. He sighed.

"I offered to help her kill me. In exchange for Amaya's life, I'm giving my own. Everyone is safe, Ms. Potts's life had been spared. You won't have to go to Jotunheim."

Tony stared at Loki for several moments looking equal parts surprised, pissed, and pained.

"That puts us back where we started-"

"It's final Tony. Someone has to die for this-"

"All of this to keep me from going there. I thought the whole point was to find ways to keep you alive!"

"Yes and all this time we've been looking we still haven't found a way and everyone has been put in danger. It's done. The deal has been made-"

"Well unmake it! Give me more time let me figure something out-"

"There is nothing to figure out Anthony! There's no solution that doesn't end with someone getting hurt-"

"So that person has to be you?"

"This all started with me, did it not? You, me, and that stupid bed."

"Let me come to Jotunheim. Let me help you-"

"I'd rather die a thousand times than see you in a place like that. Besides by the time you get there it will already be too late. If we were going to get my magic back it would have to be while we're here. Amaya will have given me her magic and she will be hung. We've run out of time Tony. There are no more solutions."

"We still have over a month!"

"And despite that, we're out of time. She has won."

Loki could already tell what he was going to say next, he'd seen that face a thousand times.

"Yeah well feel that way if you want. I'm going to keep working."

"Don't feel bad if you don't-"

"Stop talking like that! How many times have I told you I'm not just going to let you die!"

"Maybe you should. Maybe it would be more peaceful this way..."

No more fighting. No more watching people die. Amaya wouldn't have to save his life over and over and over and over... Maybe everyone's life would be simpler... Tony shook his head.

"I don't care if it would be more peaceful for you. I don't give up and accept things Lokes, you of all people should know that. I got you to trust me, you thought that was impossible. Impossible or not I'll do this too."

Loki wanted to fight him more about this but it was futile. He sighed. It didn't matter. It would come anyways. He was too tired to argue. He could barely keep his eyes open. Tony looked up at him and his focus shifted slightly. He was sure they would fight about this more later but for now, he had other things to worry about.

"When's the last time you slept?"

"Actually slept?"

"Actually slept."

"Last night."

"Before that obviously."

Loki rolled his eyes.

"Not... for the last few days."

"The last seven days?"

"That... sounds accurate."

"You couldn't at least take care of yourself while you were ignoring me?"

"How would more nightmares help anyone?"

Tony's gaze softened just a bit, but only a bit.

"Did you have one last night?"

Loki nodded.

"Tell me about it."

So they talked about it. Loki detailed all the parts of the dream as honestly as he could. Tony being tortured in Jotunheim, Amaya being hung in front of him, Pepper standing over his corpse in triumph, all the details and they talked out each one.

As they did the tension eased slightly despite the grim topic change. Despite all the anger and frustration still looming in the air, everything for a moment felt so simple. Sad routine helped relax all the stress they'd each been building over the last seven days. They finished talking and as soon as they did, Loki felt much better.

"So... do you want to go back to the couch now?"

"I... I don't think I could make the journey. Can I stay here for the day?"

Tony shrugged.

"It's your room, what am I gonna say no?"

"I understand that. What I mean is, do you want me here?"

Tony sighed long and hard.

"Of course, I want you here Lokes. I didn't want you to leave in the first place."

"Then I'll stay."

"Good. I'm tired of all this sappy stuff. Wanna watch a movie?"

Loki chuckled slightly. Of all the things to offer, after everything that'd happened... And yet somehow it was exactly what he needed.

"I'd like that."

He turned the tablet around, set it on the ground, and came to sit next to Loki. He wasn't sure what movie he turned on, he fell asleep minutes in into a dreamless sleep, and if his head happened to rest on Tony's shoulder while he dozed off, and if Tony rested his on top of Loki's as he continued watching, well, no one said anything.

By the time Loki woke up again it was to the sound of Amaya slowly opening the door to peek inside. Loki didn't have to look to tell Tony was asleep, he could feel his rhythmic breathing. As soon as she saw the two sitting together, Amaya smiled.

"Are you two ok again?"

"We're better. What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to come check on you."

Right. He'd somehow almost skipped over the fact that she'd taken him in from the hallway.

"Yes, I apologize for that."

"I've seen you in worse states."

"I'm assuming there's an I told you so coming too about this whole situation?"

"What, about me telling you not to overdo your exercising, and to sleep, and to stop avoiding Tony and just talk like two normal people instead of avoiding each other? No, I don't remember calling that."

He rolled his eyes.

"No of course not that doesn't sound like you at all. How is everything at home? Is everything still on schedule?"

"Yes. You know your father keeps constantly asking me every week about you and your boyfriend?"

Loki scowled to hide the blush in his cheeks.

"He's not my-"

He cut himself off at her skeptical look. Technically he wasn't! They'd never said that, not in specific terms. He rolled his eyes and dismissed the thought.

"I'm assuming everyone is still well?"

"Yes as far as I can tell. They are excited."

Despite everything, Loki managed to smile slightly.

"Good. At least if nothing else, they can see me be happily married. I'm sure that's something they never thought they'd see."

"You'll live on yet. Maybe somehow you two will find a way to be together."

His smile faded. He wanted to tell her that wouldn't be possible. It felt cruel not to somehow warn her, but he couldn't ruin the plan. At least she would live on. She would continue to have a happy life, and he would be happily married. That was enough.

"You shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes. Not with your life."

"They're not all your mistakes."

"I'm the one who got my magic taken. This is all my fault."

Now it was Amaya's turn for her smile to slowly fade as she looked away. She looked guilty.

"It's not all your fault Loki."

"What do you mean?"

But she just shook her head.

"It's complicated."

"mmph-"

Loki mentally filed the previous conversation away for another time. He gave her one last questioning look before they both turned to the genus in question who was finally waking up. Tony immediately looked over at him and then at Amaya and the looks on both Jotuns' faces and turned between them a few times questioningly.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes, we're alright. Amaya came to check on me."

"Oh good. You need it. Ow!" Tony massaged his arm where Loki swatted him and glared at him.

"I don't need to be babysat."

"We're back to hitting? Seriously?"

"Only when you need it."

"The next time you decide to ignore me for a week I'm doing the same to you!"

"You stuck a finger in my ear! That was far worse!"

He was still absolutely revolted by the fact that Tony did that. Honestly, what did they do on Midgard that he even thought to do that!? Tony chuckled.

"It's called a wet willie and you deserved it!"

They were both broken suddenly from their argument by the sound of laughing at the door. Amaya was at least nice enough to hide it behind her hand but to very little effect.

"Don't mind me. I suppose you two are good then?"

They both turned to look at each other hesitantly. Loki didn't know if he could say they were good, not yet at least. They still hadn't spoken about what happened, but maybe after everything... Amaya laughed at them a bit more and left down the hallway leaving the two in their room alone. Tony turned to Loki with a sigh.

"I'm not good at this part."

"We both aren't."

"I'm sorry for hiding my plans from you. I didn't want you to get upset."

"That is still no reason to keep secrets from me. I was worried about you. But I can't pretend I don't understand why you kept it a secret, and that didn't give me an excuse to ignore you the way I did. I didn't want to do or say something I would regret. I'm sorry. And for stealing your tablet."

"I'm sorry for stealing the remote. And giving you a wet willie."

"I'm sorry for only giving you bread to eat."

Why did you do that?"

"Well... I was making food for Amaya, I was originally going to make some for you too and I wanted you to eat..."

"But you were too pissed off to make me an actual meal."

Loki nodded. Tony sighed.

"We're really not good at this, are we?"

"Well, we're new to it. We're... adjusting, I suppose."

"Eh. We'll have time to work on it in the future."

Loki stared at him, almost wishing he'd take it back, but Tony ignored it. It sounded naive to him to have this much hope in the matter but that was one thing Tony wasn't. He picked up his tablet and got back to work. Tony really didn't give up. Loki remembered all those times he called him stubborn before. How right he was...

"Oh! Before I forget!"

Tony put his tablet down and went over to the destroyed side of the room and grabbed something. It was two metal balls. Loki looked at it confused.

"Can you stand?"

"For a few seconds I'm sure."

"That's all I need."

Loki pulled himself up, still looking curiously at the devices as Tony brought them over.

"These little devices basically act as forcefields. I'll need yours and Amaya's help making sure I can also adapt them to magic. I don't know what will happen once you leave here, but these babies should keep you protected from any attackers. Just put them over your head like this-" Tony put them in place "- and they keep anything from going inside or coming outside. It's like a protective bubble, it'll keep you from getting hurt. See?"

Tony put his hand up and reached forward like he was about to touch him, Loki reached forward too and flinched back slightly when he reached some kind of invisible barrier that stopped both of their hands short, separated by an invisible space.

"They'll keep you safe."

"Until?"

"Until I can figure something out." Loki's face fell. "Lokes I'm never going to stop trying to figure this out. Even if we leave here I'll still find a way to get you your magic back."

"You would be wasting your life."

"Not a waste Lokes. You know I love you right?"

"Yes. You know I can't lose you right?"

"I'm going to fix this Loki. I promise."

Maybe he should just trust that promise. Maybe he should just beleive Tony really was invincible. He was just that stubborn... Loki nodded his head.

"Ok."

Chapter Text

"So what is this you're proposing?"

It was two days after her little conversation with Loki, if she could call it that, that she was sitting in front of the king speaking on the plan she'd "just thought of." She had a smile on her face that was just too bright but considering recent events, how could she not be happy?

Tony would be safe. They'd be ok. Amaya's magic hadn't even crossed her mind as something to keep in mind, If she'd even considered that she'd have amended the contract a long time ago, but that was the past, and in the present everything was still ok.

She'd gotten around it all. The politics, Amaya's magic, Tony's devices, everything. Now she just had to close the deal, and if he didn't keep to his word, if he tried to screw her on this, Amaya would die, and she would find a way to make sure he did too soon after.

"I'm not technically proposing anything, I haven't even worked out the details yet but I was just considering... We finally have access to magic, think of all the ways we could utilize that. I mean combined with our technology we all know it's a great advantage, it's one of the reasons why we signed."

"Get to the point Pepper these councilmen are already giving me a migraine today. What do you want?"

"Prince Loki's attendant, Amaya. It turns out she's very skilled in healing magic. She has a lot of knowledge of anatomy and she's very experienced. Why don't we bring her on board in the medical branch? She would be a great asset and it would be a valuable start to bringing the two systems together."

"What exactly could she do?"

"A lot. We could study her and her magic and how it works to heal, if we taught her our own medical practices we could cross reference and maybe find ways that we could be helping people more efficiently. We may even be able to find a way to truly combine her magic with our devices to perfect the healing process."

"That sounds too good to be true. Things that sound too good to be true usually are."

"We have the opportunity, that's all I'm saying. Like I said I'm not proposing it-"

"Not officially."

"-but I think it's something we could look into."

"Hm." Howard had his game face on. She couldn't tell one way or the other how he felt about it, but she'd convince him even if it wasn't today. "I'll think about it."

That was all she needed.

"Thank you, sir. Just an idea."

"You don't have 'ideas' Pepper you have plans. You think I haven't noticed that after all this time?"

"All plans just start out as ideas sir. As it is there's time to think on it, we're still here."

"And how are things there?"

"Everything's the same, although I fear Tony and Loki's relationship is growing more and more volatile by the day."

Howard shook his head.

"I just can't fathom why they can't even try to get along."

"We've done all we can sir. As it is I believe we'll just have to accept them hating each other forever."

Howard sighed long and hard.

"Fantastic. I have a meeting to attend. Try to keep them from killing each other until we can get them to the altar."

"I'll do my best."

The transmission ended and Pepper smiled. She'd done it. She won. But the smile slowly melted back off her face when she realized the other part of all of this. Tony would forgive her, she knew he would. He always did eventually, and besides she was trying to protect him, he had to see that... He'd kept her safe all those years back, given her a life. She wasn't going to let his get taken.

She slowly walked out of her room and down the hallway the short distance to where Tony and Loki stayed. She knocked on the door and was surprised when she heard a quick come in, but then again they didn't know who it was.

Tony leaned back farther against Loki's chest and looked on at the video playing on his tablet in front of them. For the past two days, that was basically all he'd been doing, sitting with Loki wither in Loki's arms or with Loki in his, and watching something on his tablet. It was peaceful. Honestly, it was almost too peaceful, but he didn't care.

Part of his brain, a very large part, was mad at him for not working to find a solution and he knew he should, that was undeniable. His fingers itched to type something, build something, do something but they just got back. After a long week of petty insults and wanting him, he finally had Loki back, and apparently, the Jotun felt the same. He was going to give them both this.

The arm that was wrapped around his middle squeezed him tight. Not for the first time that day Tony leaned back and let himself get even more comfortable in Loki's chest. Loki kept doing that, just squeezing him or feeling him. He just wanted to feel he was there. Or as if he was trying to savor the moments until he was gone. Either one. They heard a knock on the door and barely looked up.

"Come in."

He didn't even think twice about saying it. The door opened and someone walked into the room. The clicking of heels against the ground should've told him it wasn't Amaya, but he didn't look up. He didn't even think anything of it until suddenly the grip around his waist grew a lot tighter and Loki started growling. He looked up to turn around and ask him what was wrong but as soon as he looked up he didn't need to. He had his answer.

He stared at her but she wasn't even looking at him. She was too busy glaring evenly at Loki who was returning the look in more than equal measure. He tried to get up but Loki's grip on his waist didn't let up.

"I would appreciate it if you let him go."

Despite the words there was no appreciation in her voice. There wasn't a request either. Tony could almost feel the effort Loki was having to make not to get up and rip Pepper's head off her shoulders. Tony turned to him and spoke softly.

"She's not going to hurt me."

"She better not."

"She won't. Hey, look at me." Loki reluctantly did. "It'll be just a second, ok? Soon as I get back we can go back to relaxing and watching our movie."

His gaze softened slightly as he looked at Tony and he sighed, but he still slowly loosened the grip around his waist. Tony quickly stood up before Pepper did something to make Loki change his mind and moved towards the hallway. It wasn't until he was on his feet and away from him that she looked at him and her gaze softened, but his didn't.

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"You're talking. What do you want? You come to gloat about how safe I am now that you made that deal?"

"Safe? You're still in there, I wouldn't call that safe. Safety would be being away from him."

"Not happening."

"He's not coming to Earth Tony. I won't let it happen."

"Did you come down here just to pick a fight because you sure picked a helluva day?"

"No actually, despite your recent attempts to act like I'm the villain I came here to apologize."

"But not to actually fix anything? That's rich. What are you apologizing for then?"

"I know you... like to think you love Loki-"

"How would you know how I feel?"

"Because I know you. I know everything about you."

"Apparently you don't know me as well as you think you do because every thought you've had about me since we've been here had been dead wrong and since you're acting this way, I guess I don't know you as well as I thought I did either. Why are you really here?"

She sighed long and hard through her nose and it almost hid the hurt in her eyes. Her patience was quickly exhausting but that was good because his was too.

"How long are you going to stay mad at me for this?"

"You want a low-end estimate?"

"If one could be provided, that'd be great."

"Forever."

She looked at him like he was just being stubborn but he was being completely serious.

"Oh come on. Tony, you never stay mad at me forever-"

"This time I will. This is different. I will never forgive you for this."

She didn't believe him. He could see it on her face but his didn't change. He kept looking at her deadpan.

"You can't hate me forever."

"You're trying to kill the man I love so why not?"

"You love me Tony. I don't know if you remember this but I'm your best friend. You've known me almost your whole life you just met him."

"It's more complicated than that and you know it-"

"No, it isn't. It's stupidly simple. Have you ever considered the other factors in all of this? Have you ever considered that even if you do love him, he doesn't love you!?"

"Are you that desperate for a point to make right now you'll just say anything?"

"Oh right, because that's so impossible. The guy who's in a life or death situation would never capitalize on an emotional connection with the one person who has a chance of getting him out of it. He would never use someone's feelings against them he's only done much much worse! You act like he's a saint and you keep getting mad at me for trying to tell you he's not!"

”Isn’t the whole point of all of this that he’s so in love with me he’ll refuse to be separated from me? That’s what you claim to be so scared of.”

”He’s emotionally dependent on you, you’re his new security blanket!”

"You'd really believe that, you'd believe he was using me, you'd be willing to believe anything over the fact that he might actually be in love with me!?"

"He's not capable of it, and even if he is he’s clearly not good at it! He loved Amaya, he kicked her to the curb in a second! He knew her for millennia you really think he won't do the same to you!?"

"That was different-"

"It's always different! Every time he does something it can never apply to you because this time it's so different! Everyone he loves is dead Tony! That doesn't seem like a hint to you? Is that going to be different too!?"

"He's been through a lot-"

"And that's your problem? I'm not losing you because he couldn't handle himself!"

"I'm done with this."

"Tony-"

"No! I'm done Virginia!"

He didn't even look at her after he said it. Tony turned around and stormed back into the room and angrily slammed the door behind him. He could only hope it hurt her as much as she hurt him. Loki was still glaring at the door when he walked back inside but as soon as he was back inside his attention was completely on Tony.

He could see Loki's eyes taking him in when he walked in. Tony didn't know what he looked like, but he knew Loki was looking at him with concern, so that was a hint. His eyes softened and he held out a hand which Tony gladly took once he got back to that side of the room and lowered himself back to the ground between Loki's legs. He hugged him tightly. The tablet lay in front of both of them forgotten.

"I hate her."

"I know."

"What did she want?"

"To talk. She wanted to know how long I'd be mad at her."

"How long did you say?"

"Forever."

Loki didn't say anything for a moment.

"And do you think that's true?"

"What would make you think it's not?"

"She's your best friend Anthony. You love her. You can't just stop loving her just like that."

"Why can't I?"

"...Take my word for it."

you've known me almost your whole life you've known him a year

"I can't just forgive her. The things she's done-"

"Believe me I am far from rooting for her being happy in any capacity, but you can't just forget her either."

"I don't care. I’m done with her. Anything I felt for her, that’s done.”

Loki stayed silent for a moment and just continued to hold him, hands running up and down lightly on his arms.

"Let me ask you something. If you succeed, if I do get to live on Earth with you, and subsequently then with her, what will you do?"

Tony didn't say anything.

"We were watching something weren't we?"

Loki was nice enough to oblige him in the topic change.

"Indeed we were let's get back to it."

Tony leaned forward and turned the show back on before he settled back and tried to pay attention to the things happening on the screen, and failed. What was he going to do? That question came up more and more every day and he was tired. He was tired of having to ask it.

He didn’t even pretend to pay attention, he just sat back and tried to let Loki comfort him. Come tomorrow, he was figuring out a solution to this.

Chapter Text

Tony followed through with his plan wholeheartedly. Maybe a bit too wholeheartedly. He might've been overselling his confidence in his ability to fix the situation when he'd spoken to Loki about it before. He wanted to fix this it was just... looking at the problem... it was going to be a hard one to solve.

For a selfish side of him, however, that was good. Throwing himself into difficult work and trying to solve difficult problems was what he always did when he didn't want to think, and right now, there were a lot of other things he really didn't want to think about.

His thoughts first tried to stray to Pepper. His best friend. That title had never made him feel murky before. It was something he was sure of, something that brought him comfort and confidence. Never had he ever thought of Pepper being his best friend and felt pain.

That was what really hurt, she wasn't acting as his attendant, and she wasn't trying to be malicious at first, although she'd successfully flipped that coin a frankly terrifying amount. No, this was Tony's best friend acting as his best friend and trying to "save him" as his best friend no matter the cost, and if that's what it meant to be loved that way then he didn't want to be but...

"You can't just stop loving her just like that."

"Why can't I?"

"...Take my word for it."

Loki's words rattled around in his head. The inspiration for his advice was obvious. Pepper wasn't Amaya. Amaya had been acting to save Loki from a threat that was actually there. She'd managed to keep those she cared about safe without trying to hurt anyone else. She'd befriended Tony instead of seeking to destroy him. Not a single one of those things could be said for Pepper.

And yet... And yet, like Amaya, Pepper was his best friend, had been his best friend, and sometimes the only person he had for many many many years. Tony sighed. Maybe it would be easier to just forget that and act like she meant nothing to him, but he wasn't as good at hiding his feelings as Loki.

That was part of what made this so difficult. It wasn't simply a matter of making sure Loki and Amaya were safe, a feat on its own, he also had to make sure they were safe in a way that meant Pepper couldn't threaten them again. He'd never thought of Pepper as a threatening person before. Boy was he wrong.

That wasn't the only thought he was avoiding by throwing himself into his work. There was also Loki. Loki was losing more and more hope by the day and he didn't have a lot, to begin with. He never saw this ending well.

He always thought he would die soon after he left here without his magic. As soon as he found out he wasn't getting it back, to him, that death sentence felt like it was set pretty much in stone, but Tony always held out hope.

He didn't blame Loki for believing it was simply inevitable, he didn't have a lot of hope in general and especially not in matters like this, but that didn't mean Tony had given up. At least not before. He thought he could fix this, thought he could make a way to put everything back together and allow Loki to live.

Now, now he wasn't so sure. He held onto his hope, it's not like anyone else had any and they needed it but with every plan that failed it seemed more and more like Pepper had truly beat them. At first, he just thought if he could get Loki on Earth... Then he thought maybe if he provided him protection on Jotunheim... Trying to find ways to convince Pepper to give him his magic back so he wouldn't be declared a stricken mage...

Maybe if he had more time, maybe if he had more resources, maybe, maybe. Maybes was all he had right now. Maybe he could save Loki. Maybe he would lose someone he loved. Loki kept looking at him with a look he never thought he'd see on his face that was only making things worse. It was sympathy, bordering on pity. Tony hated being pitied. His immediate urge was to say or do something to let Loki know it would be alright and he would fix this, nothing bad was going to happen to him, but he knew Loki didn't believe him and because he didn't, he knew his sympathy was well placed.

I know what this will do to you. I know how it hurts when you fail to save someone you love.

That's what that look said and it was frankly terrifying. Tony briefly remembered when Loki told him about her and Blyster, how haunted his face looked, how pained he look to talk about them even to say their names sometimes, the way he could see the survivor's guilt painted on his face, the way he looked like he was still analyzing ways to fix it, ways that it could've ended differently, ways he could've saved them...

Would that be him? Wandering around for the rest of his life trying to come up with plan after plan to save someone who was already dead? He probably wouldn't even be able to remember this place fondly, none of it. Not the nights he spent holding Loki or the nights Loki spent holding him, not the jokes and the getting to know each other and the laughs, not the feeling of falling in love with him... He'd remember it all, and every time he did, he'd feel himself losing his grip on his sanity more and more... That's what that look said.

Tony caught one of those looks quickly before Loki could hide it as he turned around to make another lap around the room. The cane worked well for him. His strides looked more and more natural, he was getting better and better at maneuvering around. By the time he finished turning and Tony could see him again his face was impassive, focused only on the wall in front of him. 

Tony sighed and turned back to his tablet. Even those two things weren't the only things he was trying to avoid. His thoughts inevitably also couldn't help but turn to the final member of the house. Love made everything so complicated. Loki loved Amaya, and he still didn't forgive himself for the way he'd treated her, so he would always die for her. Amaya loved Loki, and she was duty-bound to protect him no matter what, so she would always die for him. Tony had to come up with a plan that not only saved one of them but the other as well.

It's not as if he wasn't already invested in attempting to do that. Tony had been serious when he said he didn't like the thought of something bad happening to Amaya either, but if he couldn't find a plan that protected them both, the others would sacrifice themselves to ensure their best freind's safety. There couldn't be more complicated variables.

So, with that, he worked away on his tablet typing away various plans he could conceive of that would possibly save both mages and as of yet so far he'd come up with... nothing. Every plan he'd had was currently crossed out above the current one he was working on in the document, each one too filled with problems once they were logiced out to their inevitable end.

But he was Tony Stark. He was a genius, he was a master of logic and reason even if he didn't always use it. He could figure this out, as long as he just kept trying an answer would come to him, definitely. Guaranteed. That was the lie he kept telling himself to stay afloat. He kept working. He took a long drink of water and an even longer drink of coffee and got back to work. He would figure something out. He had to. He didn't miss it again when Loki gave him another one of those looks. 

I know how it hurts when you fail to save someone you love.

There was a knock on the door that was hard to dismiss, even if he wanted to if only because he knew who was on the other side of the door. Tony looked up already putting two and two together as well and started to get up but Loki was already at the door before he could do so and opened it just to glare down at Ms. Potts. He briefly considered slamming it back in her face but he was sad to see she was standing just one step too far back for her nose to be broken in the process.

"Good morning prince Loki. Can we talk?"

Loki growled at her immediately but turned back to Tony who was looking on at him with complete and total concern. He tried to give him his most reassuring smile but the look on his face said it didn't quite work. Well, he couldn't exactly do more than that right now. He stepped outside with Pepper and closed the door firmly behind him.

"What?"

"I haven't seen you follow through with your part of the deal. There was something you were supposed to be giving me, was there not?"

He growled slightly again. The way she said it was so snottily like she knew she was going to be obeyed, but he simply dug his nails into his arm and responded. 

"Anthony is still working on the devices. They're not done yet, if I take them now he'll notice they're missing and he'll want an explanation which I will point him towards you for. I'm assuming that's a conversation you'd rather wait to have with him. Am I correct?"

He said it sweetly just to add insult to injury. Her eyes narrowed slightly in response.

"I was under the impression that the devices were already finished."

"Then you were wrong. He finished making them protect against physical attacks, but he would still like to adapt them to magic ones. That will take time. You will have to wait."

It was the best he could do. In terms of plans, he'd already made his. If Tony couldn't come up with something, he was giving the devices to Pepper. At this point, he considered it pretty inevitable, but he couldn't give up without at least letting Tony try. That was all he could do was buy Tony time to try, but if he couldn't find a solution, if he couldn't figure something out, then...

"When they are done they will be given to you. Until then, wait. I'm done being bothered by you."

Loki walked back into his room without waiting for a response. Pepper looked like she had a few more things to say to him, some of which he was sure was not too nice, but he didn't care. He slammed the door behind him simply for the effect of imagining the broken nose she could've gotten if she'd been standing in the right place and allowing it to make him give a wistful sigh. Tony turned to him.

"What did she want?"

"She wanted to ensure I would still go with our deal."

"Will you?"

"No." At least not for now.

Tony sighed and he seemed to slump against the wall a bit from there at that even as a very fragile smile spread across his lips. Whether from relief or exhaustion was anyone's guess. Loki looked outside with a mental sigh. It wasn't late enough for any attempts at getting Tony to stop working to be effective yet, so he'd have to wait. Until then, however, since the inventor was already too deep in thought anyway, it would be ok if he stepped out.

"I'll be back in a bit."

"Where're you going?"

"To see my best friend."

Tony nodded with a small smile and went back to work while Loki left out and made the short journey down to her room. He was greeted with a bright smile and quickly ushered into the room.

"I've come to check on you. How is everything going?"

"Everything is good, relatively speaking. All is good at home. Your parents are excited to see you."

"I'm excited to see them." possibly for one of the last times. "Ms. Potts hasn't been causing you any trouble has she?"

She rolled her eyes at the mention of one of her least favorite people.

"No more than usual. And you?"

"She's been trying and I've been trying not to break her nose for it."

"How is everything else going?"

"Anthony and I are fine. Everything is patched, as I'm sure you know."

"Good." She smiled but there was still a concerned look in her eyes as she looked at him. "And everything else?"

"Fine."

A small look passed over her face at that. She opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it and replaced the look with a smile.

"Amaya, is something wrong? Do we need to talk about something?"

Had he done something wrong? Amaya faltered for a second looking like she was about to say something and then looking like she was about to say something else and then finally sighing and shaking her head.

"No, no everything's alright."

"If there's something you need to talk about-"

"Is your practice coming along well? You were already doing pretty good last time I saw you."

Loki stared at her for a moment. His jaw fixed stubbornly and he wanted to call her out on it, but then with everything going on and everything, he was currently keeping from her... He sighed.

"It's coming along well. I didn't expect the transition to be so easy to make. I will practice with it for a few more weeks before I start trying to walk without an aid. I must admit I will likely still be quite fond of the cane, if only because of who made it. I may try to find an excuse to use it even after it becomes strictly necessary for me."

"You could say you're testing it against Jotun terrain for data collection for Tony. I'm sure that wouldn't give anything away."

I'll be dead by then. 

"They would likely accept that reason. You could even bash a few skulls with it."

"As thick as their heads are I'd hate to break it for such an unworthy reason."

"Still, Tony will get a kick out of it."

That made him smile, even if he couldn't hide the pain completely. Amaya saw it and her face changed immediately.

"You'll miss him, won't you?"

"Yes. Yes, I will."

They both felt the pain at that statement and the heartwrenching intensity of it even if they thought it was for different reasons.

"I know it will be difficult, but try to see him after you get home. Just because you're there doesn't mean you'll have to be alone anymore."

"It's not as though it will be easy to visit him from where I'm going."

"I know but... just try. Try to be happy. Maybe that's selfish to ask but..."

A small sad smile spread across his face as she spoke. She would likely see it as hopeless. He saw it as ironic.

"You do not need to apologize. It's ok. I would ask the same of you."

She gave a small smile, unable to see the other meaning in his words, but he didn't need her to. Loki decided to leave before they could get caught up in the words they didn't want to say to each other again. He decided to distract himself with more walking for another few hours. When it finally got late enough for him to use the time as an excuse, Loki went over and gently eased the tablet out of Tony's hands. His fingers followed after it, still trying to type even as it got farther and farther out of his reach as Loki removed it from him.

"Hey- Lokes I was working on that!"

"It's late."

"I had something-"

"You will still have it tomorrow. It is late."

Loki wasn't giving him options. Tony clearly looked like he wanted to argue, face screwing up immediately to start escalating the situation, but before he put the thought into action he sighed and slumped back against the wall annoyed. Loki wasn't foolish enough to believe it was only him Tony was annoyed at.

"You need to sleep, Anthony. You would tell me the same thing."

Half a glare and half a pout were sent his way before he looked stubbornly to the side. All of it was wrapped up in very tired eyes that very clearly needed sleep but refused to shut.

"That's not fair."

"I'm not fair. Not when it comes to things like this. I can put on something to fall asleep to."

Tony nodded slightly still not looking at him. Loki rolled his eyes at the behavior but put on a show and sat in Tony's arms anyways despite his attitude.

"Are you doing this so I'll hold you or to keep me from reaching my tablet?"

"Both."

Tony grumbled but unfortunately, he couldn't be too pissed. His arms eventually came to wrap around Loki and Loki's came to rest on top of his leisurely touching whatever parts of his hands and arms he could reach.

"I'm going to fix this Lokes. I'm going to make this better."

Loki nodded as confidently as he could very happy Tony couldn't see his face right now.

"I know."

His head stayed straight, looking at the tablet, but his eyes strayed slightly to the right where the two devices still lay.

Howard Stark sat with an unreadable expression at the head of the table of the conference room he chose while the other council members began to filter in for the meeting he'd called. No final decisions would be made here today, there were still far too many conversations to be had for that, but this was one of the first for a very interesting venture that he intended to make the most of, a few interesting ventures he intended to make the most of.

He wished his lovely wife was here but she was off taking care of more stuff for the wedding. Though he missed her he did not envy her current position. He would rather be handling this. This was the part of politics he actually liked.

His gaze finally turned up as the last person in the room filtered in and reached their seat. They'd all already been briefed on what their topic of conversation was today, so Howard felt no need to beat around the bush. He didn't have the patience for it anyways. He turned to the first person in the room he needed to address, attention completely on him, ignoring everyone else in the room until it was time to address them too.

"Tell me. Is it viable?"

The man stalled slightly. Howard couldn't blame him really, he'd been given only the five minutes he had from the time he read the email to the time he reached this boardroom to even think the problem over, and he was sure that wasn't entirely enough time to get the level of detail on the scope of the problem he was sure the man wanted, but he was smart, and Howard, again, was not a very patient man. Then again, neither was the man he was staring down, but he wasn't the king. Howard narrowed his eyes slightly as he continued to take time to think it over instead of answering.

"Is it?"

Stephen sighed, clearly more than annoyed but that was all he would be allowed in this situation and he knew it.

"A healing program to help us learn about how Jotun healing actually works with the future goal of using it to inform and strengthen our own healing techniques... And you said Ms. Pepper came up with this one?"

"Yes, she did, while in Alfheim with the boys."

"Prince Anthony's attendant sure is something else." That came from somewhere down the line, he didn't bother to look over to see who'd said it.

"That she is."

Various other council members murmured their agreements but Howard just rolled his eyes. Pepper was a lot of things, some good, some very far from it but again, all of that was inconsequential and a waste of his current time. The fact that Pepper was smart and an amazing planner was undebatable, but he didn't care about it. That's not what they were here to discuss.

"Is. It. Viable?"

Everyone at the table Howard included turned to the head of the medical department, who they all knew had used the time spent muttering by the others to mull the problem over further. He still sat with that same sharp annoyed look, but he had to have an answer. He sighed.

"It's hard to say at this point. Ignoring all of the logistical problems for a moment, and there are many, we're talking about a magical source here. How we're supposed to study it, how we're even supposed to measure it in any meaningful way, is murky at best. It's difficult to even know if our normal processes of study and science will apply. Our laws of nature and physics barely do. Trying to study such a process may cause more confusion and questions than answers."

Howard looked distinctly unimpressed.

"And yet I'm sure you already have some theories on how to do so?"

Stephen glared at the king for a moment who was, once again, completely unimpressed and almost bored with his choice of attitude.

"I have some thoughts. Whether or not they will be effective-"

"Can be tested and discovered once we have our Jotun helper here." He turned to the head of the finance department next. "How much will this cost?"

"Similar to Dr. Strange's answer sir, it is hard to say for sure. New equipment would likely have to be built to allow for such work and it would have to be built by someone with an understanding of both magic and technology and with the ingenuity to create a device that could withstand both. While I'm sure technologies would be able to create the necessary equipment once blueprints were made," a quick nod from the technologies department confirmed that, "due to the magical component, expensive imports from other realms might be necessary to make it work, and that doesn't even touch on the subject of where it would all go. New facilities might be needed, just to give space to everything."

Howard chose to focus on the first part of that explanation first rather than the second. They needed someone with the brains and creativity to combine science and magic, and they needed someone who'd been around the type of magic they planned to study, Jotun magic to be specific. No matter how much he didn't like it, and regardless of the widely varying opinions of the other people in the room, that was currently only one person.

"I will talk to Anthony and see about getting to work on plans for such a device."

And by that, he meant he'd tell Pepper. She'd pass the message along.

"Can we afford the costs?"

"It may prevent us from doing some other things in the future, but if we plan to make a profit off of this,"

"Don't I always?"

"Then it should benefit us in the long run, if it works. Jotun magic and human technology, this could create medical technology unparalleled in the realms."

Howard smiled at that idea. That was his thought exactly.

"Assuming he actually does complete the blueprints in a reasonable amount of time-for once-how long do you think it will take for technologies to build the prototypes?"

"Not long, but without an actual Jotun here to test it on it is difficult to know if it will actually work."

"If I may,"

Howard nodded at the head of the legal department.

"The part where this also requires a Jotun subject willing to have their magic studied is something I've been thinking about since we started this. From what I understand, mages of their culture tend to be very protective of their magic when it comes to outsiders and though we may have a legal peace treaty with the government, with the citizens, we are still outsiders."

"I will be handling that bit, personally."

And that was all that was said on the matter. The head of the legal department nodded but Howard wasn't done with her yet.

"Draft up contracts, use the standard testing ones as a model and specify it to what may be required for this little experiment. I'm sure you can all work together to give her all the maybes she'll have to include in the document, and I want everything in there. We can scale it back later. Draft one for Laufey and Andora too for later use. They will be getting fifty percent of the profits."

"We're doing all the work."

"It's in their contract, and besides, what benefits them now benefits us. Fifty percent of them just goes right back to our pockets once the realms are merged."

There were nods and mutters around the table but the basic mood was agreement. This meeting wasn't long but it was already longer than he liked sitting for. He turned to the head of the humanitarian aid.

"I want a list from you, as long as possible, of other potential advances we stand to gain from combining magic with our technology and how our newfound partnership with the Jotun and their strength and resources can help us get there. Make a second list of ways we can help them as well. I want details on the plan itself, how it is meant to be implemented, what we will need to make it necessary, and which ones are the most vital to helping the most vulnerable people in our current population."

"Am I prioritizing us or them?"

"There is no us or them anymore it's us and everyone else. We have the resources for multiple projects at a time so we'll do one for each set of people simultaneously."

Another nod. Finally, he turned to the final head in the room.

"We clearly have a problem with the public perception side of this matter between the Jotun and the humans. Ignoring the other problems involved in that, if our initial tests go well, more Jotun will be needed for us to continue our studies."

"I thought you said you wanted to handle the finding of subjects yourself, sir."

"Not subjects. Subject. I have been given a recommendation for the first. The others however will have to come directly from Jotunheim, and they will have to come willingly. I need a political strategy to ensure their people will be as comfortable as possible with the idea of coming to Earth to help with a study. I need everyone here to be comfortable with the idea of them coming as well."

"That's not exactly an easy sell."

"And yet I am positive you will figure something out."

The tone in Howard's voice was final. The council member glared for a moment but nodded. 

"Sir, this is a lot of preparation for something that we, again, don't know is entirely viable."

Howard turned calmly to Stephen again with a wide smile.

"Where there's a will Stephen. Where there's a will."

Pepper tried not to hyperventilate. Years of practice helped her keep her mask even if internally she was screaming as she look at the king. Excuses and reasons flooded her mind but he didn't look like he was in the mood to hear them. What king Howard wanted, he got, and right now king Howard wanted something that might set their entire world ablaze.

"Sir, if I may, I know you want to ensure she's a good candidate but there must be so many other matters for you to attend to surrounding the wedding-"

"No Maria's taking point on that so I can take point on this."

"Right. I understand. All I'm saying is if you truly need someone to vet her-"

"I have no doubts that she is a capable healer being the prince's attendant. I would however like to meet her for myself. We will be studying her and a lot of time and money are being put into this project. If she is not the one I feel we can work with for this undertaking then I'm afraid we will have to find another candidate."

"I completely understand sir. I just think, being here with her, I should be more than able to handle-"

"Am I being defied, Pepper?"

The coldness in his voice made her stop. She immediately shook her head in earnest swallowing around the lump in her throat.

"Good, because this wasn't a debate or a request. This is an order. I would like to meet... what is her name again?"

"Amaya, sir."

"I would like to meet Ms. Amaya for myself. So, the next time I call here next week, it will either be her face on the line, or you will personally be going to Jotunheim to find me a new candidate since you will be there and be more than able to handle such a thing. Am I understood?"

Pepper was standing too still. Her posture was too perfect. She barely breathed. She smiled brightly.

"Yes, sir."

Chapter Text

"So, he wants to talk to me?"

Pepper sat with her calmest most patient look. She even looked almost friendly, which was terrifying in its own right. The only thing giving away her current frustration, anger, and discomfort was how tightly her hands were squeezed together in her lap like they were trying to suffocate each other and Amaya had no doubt that if she could that's exactly what she'd be doing to her.

"Yes, that's right. As a part of the merger, the medical team has had some ideas of ways to incorporate technology and magic."

Amaya's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"What have you told him?"

"Concerning you?"

"Concerning here."

Pepper's hands squeezed tighter and Amaya could tell it was the only thing keeping her from saying something she would regret.

"If you will remember, the contract prevents both of us from saying anything of here." If I could've I would've already.

Amaya could hear the last part in her voice. Her eyes narrowed further.

"So why me specifically? There are plenty of Jotun with healing magic, many of whom are more experienced than me. Why does he want to talk to me specifically?'

"He believes your current living situation being around humans and the fact that he assumes you will be living in the palace makes it easy to use you for these trials. Though you may not be the best candidate you will be the most convenient." Amaya growled halfway ready to respond appropriately to all of Pepper's insults but before she could the little metal ball on her desk started ringing. She turned back to her friendly enough. "That is the king. We wouldn't want to keep him waiting."

Pepper turned and connected the device. It was only a brief second before the image of Howard Stark popped up for both of them to see. She didn't remember much of king Howard from her brief time at the palace. He seemed like a pretty direct man but she'd only seen him twice her entire time there, so she wasn't really sure what to expect. As soon as it connected he turned to Pepper.

"Is this her?"

"Yes sir, this is the girl-"

"Thank you, Pepper. You are dismissed."

Pepper stopped dead in her sentence. Amaya watched as she tried to find words, tried to argue for the need of her oh-so-important presence, but she could see in the king's face that he already didn't care. Anything she said would be at best shot down and at worst punished, so she fixed the smile on her face so it was even brighter as she stood and slowly made her way to the door.

It was so nice to see someone else put Pepper in her place. Amaya had to fight the urge not to smile as she went, but she got so distracted she almost forgot the other occupant of the room.

"So, Amaya was it?"

Amaya snapped around immediately and turned to face the king, trying her best to appear professional.

"Yes sir, it is. It is an honor to meet you."

"Do you not have a last name?"

"No sir." He raised an eyebrow, clearly asking for more information. Amaya had to wonder for a second how they'd just met and he already made her feel so scrutinized. "Jotun take on the name of one of their living parents. Jotun without living parents do not have last names."

He nodded thoughtfully.

"Hm... I see. We'll have to figure something out for the legal documents. Do you know why you're speaking to me today?"

"There is a program that you are trying to do, an attempt to combine science and magic for healing purposes."

"Correct. I've been told you are quite the healer. Have you studied under a master?"

"I studied under queen Andora, sir. She is a great healer. She taught me everything I know directly."

The king looked slightly impressed at that.

"I've heard a bit about queen Andora as a healer. I've been told she's quite accomplished. I would expect her student to be just as much. What experience do you have as a healer? What is your specialty?"

"Severe trauma wounds, sir."

"I see. What made you choose that specialty?"

"It was the one that was most available to me at the time, sir."

"Do your healing techniques work on humans as well?"

"Yes sir."

"I see. What do you know of human anatomy?"

"It is strikingly similar to Jotun's anatomy and physiology on the surface. It is easy to adapt to."

"I see. And what do you know of human medicine?"

"Very little, sir."

"And what of human technology?"

"Also, very little sir."

"That makes sense. Hmm." Howard leaned back for a minute and examined Amaya, for what she wasn't sure but she did her best to stay as still as possible while he did. Finally, he must've decided he either did or did not see what he wanted. "You seem like a good candidate for this program, as you call it. I believe you are just what we need to make this come together."

I won't be alive, but "Thank you, sir." 

"In order for this program to work, however, we will need to study both you, and your magic." That made Amaya pause. She sat back a bit, eyes widened a bit in shock. "I can see that thought causes you a bit of distress."

"Forgive me, sir I don't mean any disrespect, but, study how?"

"We would need to find a way to measure it, a way to better understand it. With your help, we can find a way to make it work with our medical equipment."

"Well, if we use runes-"

"Runes require a constant flow of magic from the mage effectively reducing their magic stores for as long as they're active and these effects compound for each set of runes a mage has in use at a time. It is physically draining, unsustainable, and does not make sense at the scale of what we are doing."

Amaya's eyes were big as dinner plates. King Howard sat patiently and stared at her with a look that said he was not to be underestimated, and clearly that was true. She was impressed.

"Yes that is correct, sir. So then, if you do not wish to use runes to combine your technology with our magic, how do you wish to do it?"

"By finding a way for it to work outside of the host mage without the need for runes and without reducing their overall magic stores."

"That is... quite the goal to have sir."

She didn't want to say impossible, she had a feeling king Howard didn't like the word impossible, but he apparently still heard it anyways even without her saying it.

"You do not believe it can be done?"

"I have never seen magic successfully sustained without some connection to the person who cast it, sir."

"That's why it's called innovation, Amaya. If it were already done before I wouldn't be doing it, that would be boring. Now, are you comfortable having your magic studied?"

"Will any of the methods of measurement be... painful, sir?"

"No, there will be no need to cause you any pain throughout the entirety of this process."

"Do I get a say in any measurements I don't want to be taken?"

"Would you be open to participating in this if you did?"

"I suppose I would be."

"Then it will be added to your contract. Excellent, I look forward to us working together." Wait, what? Amaya opened her mouth to correct the king and somehow find a respectful way to tell him she'd never actually agreed but he'd already moved on. Oh well. He'll realize soon enough. "Now in order to start this we need the actual device we'll be using to measure your magic output. I was going to have Pepper do this. Seeing as you've both been there a year I'm sure you've become acquainted with Anthony by now?"

"Oh yes! I've gotten to know him very well over this trip, he's been a great help to me while we've been here. I have enjoyed getting to know him."

That stopped the king for a second. He stared at her, his gaze turning suspicious.

"You haven't slept with him have you?"

Amaya had to put in a considerable effort not to let her jaw hang wide open for a second as she fought and quickly failed not to stare at the king. When she came back online and realized, to her mortification, that he was not only serious but that he was still looking at her for a response, she shook her head as quickly as she could and tried to remember what words were.

"N-No sir no I-"

"Good one less thing to deal with. Tell him to begin making plans for a device to harness and measure magical output, we will need it to begin the testing trials. I want them done by the time he gets back to Earth for the wedding." The king sat back slightly for a second suddenly looking only slightly less formal. He seemed to think of something as if there was something he was debating. "How is Anthony?"

"He is enjoying his time here to the best of his ability."

"Hmm. Is he now? I know he and Loki are not getting along-" The look that crossed her face was enough to make him stop and lean forward again. "They aren't getting along, correct?"

For the briefest second, she managed to wonder what could possibly make the king say that before she remembered who reported to him. Pepper.

"Forgive me, sir, I'm not quite sure what you have been told in your reports but Tony and Loki are doing excellent. They're inseparable, honestly. I understand the circumstances of this trip were not what either of them wanted and in the beginning, they were not very friendly towards each other, but they have formed a very genuine bond. They spend every waking moment together. They are getting along very well now."

The man looked stunned for a minute. His eyes narrowed slightly before he nodded.

"I see. Thank you."

Amaya internally smirked. He hoped Pepper got in trouble for this. Even if it was only a little bit, it would never be enough after everything she'd done, whatever slap on the wrist she received would never cover it, but any suffering she did was good in Amaya's eyes.

In fact, Amaya's eyes brightened even more slightly as she realized what a golden opportunity she truly had in front of her. Maybe she couldn't break her contract with Pepper but... she was feeling... mischievous.

"Actually sir, you mentioned something about a contract earlier, correct?"

"Yes, we will be drafting one for your participation in these trials. Will that be a problem?"

"No sir it will not, but, on the subject of contracts-"

Pepper waited patiently outside the door, or as patiently as she was able. She studied the wall in front of her thinking of all their time here so far and everything that had led them to this. Her heart was beating twice as fast as it should and she was sweating but she tried her best to stay as calm as possible. Look forward, breathe, still as a statue. If she didn't appear distressed they would have no way of knowing she was.

Her gaze turned down casually to Tony's room. She needed to get those devices. Loki did say that Tony was still working on them, but he could be lying. She needed to talk to Tony about it directly, but he was being so sore towards her...

She was in the middle of coming up with a plan to fix this when the door to her room opened and Amaya walked out. She smiled kindly resisting the urge to scream at the girl.

"How was your talk with the king?"

Amaya smiled back at her, just as friendly with a small evil light in her eye. Pepper's guard went up.

"Very productive."

"Great! Well, I'll just go finish up with him-"

"He hung up."

Amaya continued to smile brightly mirroring the one that was still shining on Pepper's face, the only difference being the dull fury beginning to build in Pepper's eyes. Amaya, however, still looked absolutely elated. She turned and went back into her room as Pepper continued to stare daggers into her back with a smile on before she went back into her own room.

Just in case she went over to the little device just to see that it was indeed off. Asking the king what he'd talked about with her in their next meeting wouldn't bring her anything but trouble. She could try to weasel the information out of Amaya but she needed something to threaten her with to do that...

Pepper's teeth ground together. It was fine. It was fine. She'd figure this out. She'd find out the information Amaya shared with the king, get the devices, fix her relationship with Tony and get them both back home safely. She sighed. Clearly logic wasn't going to appeal to Tony right now. All he cared about was Loki.

She had to figure out something else to get him to be her friend again so she could get both of their lives back on track, and though she felt that lying and sabotage were beneath her, well, desperate times...

"Loki give me the tablet."

"Eat."

"I'm not joking!"

"I will break it!"

Just to illustrate his point Loki held the sensitive piece of technology between a thumb and forefinger high over his head. Tony glared viciously at him and for a second looked like he would try to knock him over and grab it.

Loki was ashamed to say if Tony tried it he would definitely catch him. He wouldn't be able to skillfully dodge the lunge like he was once able to and he would never attack Tony in response, so Tony would certainly reach him, but even if he did successfully charge at him and knock him down, he'd send his technology crashing to the ground too and Loki realized he knew that. 

He hadn't wanted to take such drastic measures. It brought him no joy to glare at Tony the way he was now and force him to eat his food, but the fact was the man clearly needed some more motivation. He hadn't eaten almost anything in a week. Sure, a bite here, a bite there, but it wasn't nearly enough. He could hear his stomach grumbling at full volume, but somehow Tony either notice or care.

At first, Loki tried to be nice about it and calmly ask Tony to eat his food but he either gave it one small bite before completely forgetting about it again or he just waved it off and ignored the food altogether.

All things considered, he felt he'd been nice enough just by waiting this long to take measures this drastic, but it had been days now and Tony was either going to eat something willingly or Loki was going to shove something down his throat.

Tony continued to glare at him, looking like he was really considering his options. The food that Amaya brought him that day didn't look bad, he didn't know if it was Tony's favorite but he'd seen him eat it before when she brought it without trouble so clearly he didn't dislike it. He just had to put it in his mouth.

Loki met Tony's glare with a calm stern look of his own and waited. Tony's eyes went from him to his tablet to the food one more time before he shot Loki one more evil look, picked up the plate of food, and finally took a bite. He chewed and swallowed it and went to put it down looking more than annoyed, but unfortunately for him, Loki wasn't done.

"Finish it."

"What?"

"You have not eaten a proper meal in seven days! If you want your tablet back you will have to finish it."

"You are so unfair!"

Loki rolled his eyes. He was so petulant when he got like this. He was hungry and overworked, he could see how that would put the genius in a bad mood, but Tony picked up the plate again and started viciously stabbing at the food and taking large bites. Loki considered telling him to slow down but he thought better of it. One, it wasn't worth the fight, and two, he'd just let the resulting stomach ache Tony would inevitably have be the consequence for that action.

"For the record, I asked you nicely to eat your food several times over the last few days."

"And I did!"

"One bite does not count as eating your food."

Tony glared at him again just as viciously but continued to shove the large mouthfuls of food in his mouth until finally, the plate was clear.

"There I put something on my stomach can I have my tablet now?"

It was more of a demand than a question but Loki gave him the thing and watched as he sat himself back in his usual position, bent over the device like he was trying to protect it from Loki's grasp still glaring at the mage who didn't care and had already started walking again.

The longer Tony worked the more and more he began to ignore his health. Getting him to eat was already a challenge, getting him to sleep had been next to impossible. Loki took his tablet and kept him from being able to reach it every night but he still woke up to Tony talking to himself, coming up with theory after theory, plan after idea to figure this out and come up with a solution. Even without his technology, he was still finding ways to work and keep himself up.

To a certain extent, Loki let him at first. He understood. When it was all done and over with and he was gone he needed Tony to see that he'd done everything in his power. He'd tried everything he could. He didn't want him to have that feeling, that one he was oh too familiar with, that this was his fault.

There was nothing he could do, and maybe if he let Tony do all that he could now he would be able to realize that then and he wouldn't have to go through what Loki had.

Loki didn't want to think about that right now though. He didn't want to think about the future, he'd rather focus on it right now, and right now he had to find a way to get Tony to start sleeping again at night. The irony of that situation was not lost on him, if it weren't so serious he might laugh.

He needed to take time to sit down and think about how he was going to get Tony to take better care of himself, and wanted to consider it further but he was suddenly broken out of his thoughts by a knock on the door.

He was about to go and open the door for the person on the other side but before he could the door started to open. Apparently, the knock served more as a warning than a request for permission but Loki immediately let go of his anger and untensed when he saw it was only Amaya slipping through the door. He turned to look and realized Tony hadn't even looked up.

Loki sighed and went over to him and quickly started tapping on his shoulder. Tony did his best to ignore it and Loki had half a mind to snatch the device from the human's hands again, and another half to throw it out the window, but eventually Tony looked up looking absolutely exasperated at being annoyed before Loki pointed out their guest looking just as exasperated as he was.

As soon as Tony saw her standing there it was enough to shock him out of his work haze for just a second.

"Oh, hey when'd you get here?"

"Uh... just now... Whatcha working on?"

"Nothing just a little project for when we get back home." He did an impressive job of making that not sound like a lie. "What's up, Amaya?"

"I just had a talk with your father."

"What?"

"What?"

Two sets of eyes stared at her in disbelief but it was Tony, fully focused on this now, who finally spoke.

"He asked to speak to you?"

"He did."

"What about?"

"They're doing a program at the palace, they want to see if they can mix science and magic which reminds me, Tony, they want you to build a device that can hold and measure magic. He said he wants to find a way to sustain and use it without it being connected to a host but I guess they're going to work on that part later."

"That's impossible, magic cannot be contained or maintained without its host." That was Loki sounding slightly confused and slightly in awe at the mere thought of what she was suggesting.

"I implied the same but he did not agree. Apparently, he's very determined to make it work."

"But why did he tell you that?"

Tony was the one that spoke, but it was Loki and his more than suspicious gaze waiting for an answer to the question that Amaya couldn't help but look at. He stared at her, waiting for an answer but she just opened her mouth, closed it, and shook her head.

"That's not important. What is important is what Pepper's been telling him. Apparently, he's under the impression that you two still hate each other."

Tony growled annoyed.

"That doesn't surprise me. She wouldn't want to tell the truth about that."

Amaya nodded but Loki hummed in thought.

"Has he asked to speak to you again?"

Amaya shook her head.

"No, I think it was just the one time."

"And you said this was for a program combining science with magic?"

Amaya's cheeks were turning purple but she just tried to move past it as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, so Tony if you could get on that it sounded like it was pretty important."

Tony was already in the middle of rolling his eyes.

"Yeah his requests are always so important, I'm busy. I'll get it to him when I get it to him."

Amaya looked like she wanted to say something to that, her mouth was already open, but she closed it and shook her head before she could.

"That was all, I just wanted to let you know that."

"Thank you, Amaya."

"Yup."

Just as quickly as she came in she ducked back out of the room and Tony went back to his tablet engrossing himself back in his previous work that had nothing to do with his father's magic measuring device. Loki watched him for a few seconds more and considered interrupting him again, but he just sighed and resigned himself to his current focus. He would bother him to eat again later.

Loki would've preferred for the rest of the day to be peaceful, but there was, unfortunately, no such luck. A few hours later there came another knock on the door, only this time the person on the other side waited for it to be opened.

Loki opened the door and stepped out as soon as he saw who it was, not even giving them the chance to fake their pleasure of seeing him. He glared down at the woman.

"What?"

"Not even a hello." Pepper waited for a second for the desired greeting but the pissed-off look in Loki's eyes told her she wasn't getting it, so she moved on.  "Things have proceeded a bit faster than expected-"

"Why is your king talking to my friend?"

A flash of annoyance went across her face. She looked down the hallway and glared at Amaya's door but the immediate growl she heard behind her from the action persuaded her against the action. She had much bigger, much more dangerous things to worry about. She turned back around, the same professional smile back on her face.

"King Howard is interested in her for a program that I recommended her for."

"And what program is this exactly?"

"One that will keep her on Earth."

He knew it. His eyes narrowed looking a lot more pissed than grateful at the person in front of him. He spared a brief thought to wonder why Amaya chose to hide the information from him, but he dismissed it quickly. He'd deal with that later.

"This was supposed to be a secret have you forgotten about that? Why does she know anything about you keeping her on Earth!?"

"She doesn't. To the best of her knowledge, this is an idea king Howard came up with on his own with no knowledge of the fact that she would be dead soon. She doesn't know it's intended to keep her alive and she doesn't know you or I are involved."

"And what exactly is this program?"

"That's not important," there was that answer again that made his eyes narrow and a growl come from his throat but Pepper didn't even pause "what is important is that my part of the deal has already come through and yours hasn't."

"I thought we already had this conversation but if you're that incompetent that you've forgotten so quickly, Anthony is still working on those devices-"

"And I understand that but that is no longer enough of an excuse for this deal. I've fulfilled my end of the bargain and I want the devices now. King Howard is interested in Amaya based solely on my  recommendation, but if you would prefer, I can tell him that I've reconsidered and I don't think her involvement will truly be necessary." She smiled so happily as if she was giving him the good news.

"You truly are the embodiment of what Midgardians mean when they call someone a bitch."

Her eyes narrowed again and her smile slipped a bit. She tried to put it back on but she failed. She kept looking at him like he was the cause of all her problems.

"I want them in one week's time, or the deal is off."

"What?"

"I don't think that was too difficult to understand."

Loki's breaths were coming out like a bull about to charge and if he could charge Pepper right now...

"I thought I made it clear that if I take the devices and they suddenly go missing right now Anthony will notice-"

"That's fine."

"If I do this he'll know what you did-" and it was that smile, that simple evil smile that was back on her face that hadn't faded an inch that let him figure it out and made him hold onto his cane just that much tighter so he didn't swing it at her head "and you don't care, because he'll be mad at me too is that it? You would do all of this, you would worsen the relationship with him you say you hold so dear, just so that he will be angry with me as well? You would stoop that low to ruin your best friend's happiness?"

"Whatever happens between you and Anthony after he realizes that you betrayed his trust and intentionally went behind his back has nothing to do with me. After all, you already knew you were going to have to betray him when you made that deal with me, right? It didn't mean too much to you then. The devices, in one week. Thank you, Mr. Laufeyson."

Her voice sounded unbothered but that same evil smile sat on her face. She turned around and walked away and Loki waited a few seconds until she disappeared into her room before he turned around. He didn't want to go back into his room just yet.

He didn't think he could see Tony right now, even if he was too distracted by his work to notice the distress in his eyes, so he headed towards the kitchen and started working on lunch for him instead.

He wished he had Tony's tablet he was getting tired of cooking the same foods but at this point, if he tried to snatch the tablet away from the human he was pretty sure Tony would try to bite his hand off. He sighed. Omelets and fruit it was then.

He took his time cooking the eggs though they, unfortunately, cooked faster than he would've liked. He considered making more foods to add to the plate but practically speaking, getting Tony to eat just that was already going to be a challenge. He sighed and made the short trip back.

He was surprised to see Tony actually look up when he walked into the room. He'd wondered if the human would notice he was gone. Clearly, he had, and Loki didn't miss the way his shoulders untensed slightly when he walked back into the room, but as soon as he saw the plate of food in his hands his face shifted and he pointed an accusing finger toward Loki.

"No!"

"Yes."

"You just fed me!"

"That was hours ago, and now I'm feeding you again."

"Are you trying to fatten me up so you can eat me?"

"What do you think a Jotun diet consists of? I'm fattening you up so you can live, now eat the food."

The man really had the nerve to look like he was weighing his options as if he really had any besides either eating the food or being forced to eat the food but as always, he somehow found a way to work the third option in.

"Let me keep the tablet while I eat."

"No."

"Why not!"

"You won't eat you'll just slip back into work and get distracted-"

"I'll eat the food just let me work while I do it!"

Loki sighed. They were both quickly getting annoyed right now and Loki was already on the edge thanks to his previous conversation. As easy as it would be to just let this dissolve into yet another screaming match, that wouldn't be productive and he was already tired and annoyed. A fight with Tony right now was the last thing he needed.

"The magic measuring device your father wants you to design, how long will it take for you to figure that out?"

Tony could clearly see what he was trying to do but it was the only compromise he was going to get, and, to be fair, it was a pretty fair one. Loki was more than relieved when Tony sighed and gave in.

"I don't know it's hard to say. I mean it's magic, it's not something that's ever been measured before but I could probably figure it out in a couple of weeks. Why?"

"Work on that while you eat."

"I'll still be working on a project, what difference does it make?"

"You don't care about that project as much. I believe if you're working on it you might actually eat your food."

Tony glared. Loki waited. Whether he said it or not they both knew this was the only way Loki was letting Tony keep his tablet while he ate. He let a slow breath out through his nose, more than annoyed, and opened a new file on his tablet entitled Future Use: Calculating Utensil. The meaning of his phrasing was not lost on him.

"Are you always this childish?"

"You should know the answer to that by now." Loki gave him the plate and Tony started reluctantly working on the new device while simultaneously eating his food. "So who was at the door?" Loki tried to keep the look of surprise off his face but apparently, he didn't succeed quickly enough. "I have ears you know."

"I assumed you were too absorbed in your work to hear by then."

"Not quite. So who was it?"

"I'm sure you have a guess."

"What did she want? I thought you told her no to the deal."

"She is persistent."

Tony stabbed at his eggs with a bit more force than necessary but Loki didn't say anything about it. 

"Do you want me to talk to her?"

"No, I will handle it." He saw the look Tony shot him and rolled his eyes. "Without bloodshed."

"Just making sure. I know she's been pissing you off-"

"Whatever gave you that impression?"

"The dents in your cane that weren't there before you stepped out into the hallway."

"What?"

Loki looked down immediately. He hadn't even seen it! He remembered squeezing the wood in anger but he didn't even feel the wood warping under his fingers. But now, leaning against the wall and bringing it up to his face to take a closer look... Tony put his tablet aside and started to get up.

"Loki... it's ok I'm not mad about it-"

"I damaged it."

"It's fine Lokes it's just the wood. It was the easiest part to make, the sensor's still ok. I can go into the woods and grab another piece and remake it."

"But I-"

"It's fine."

Loki finally looked up when Tony was in front of him, hands on his face making him look at him instead of at the cane, and he looked and sounded genuine. His eyes tried to stray toward the cane but Tony wouldn't let him.

"Hey. It's fine. It's ok Lokes."

"You should be mad at me for this."

"It's not bent in the shape of her kneecaps so I actually feel pretty proud overall."

Loki chuckled weekly.

"I won't pretend it wasn't a tempting option."

Tony chuckled too and smiled at him. He gave him a quick kiss and went back to his blueprints and his food. Even with how hard everything was, even with how much they had going on, it was moments like this that still made Loki feel like he didn't deserve the human in front of him. This was exactly why the act of betraying him the way he had too was breaking his heart even more.

Loki went back to his cane and walked, trying his best to keep a straight face. He could imagine how Tony would look when he realized... He didn't deserve that kind of pain. He couldn't pretend his stomach didn't lurch when he put his fingers back in their regular position and finally felt the spaces he'd made. Just like the dents he would form in their relationship.

His mind went back to the "offer" from Ms. Potts. Amaya's safety was all but guaranteed. All he had to do was hand them over... He didn't want to do that to Tony but with so much on the line... He didn't know what to do. He was confused again. He sighed.

That wasn't the only thing he had to worry about right now. Amaya was hiding something from him too, something new, and he wanted to know what. He'd promised her that he would never doubt her again. He was going to stick to that promise, no matter what was going on. He believed that nothing she was doing was intended to hurt him, but he still wanted to know about that, and he had a feeling the answers lied in getting more information about that meeting he'd had with king Howard. With that, he made plans for breakfast tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Tony muttered plans to himself in something that used to be an actual language about ten hours ago, but was now just a poor approximation of words so muddled they sounded more like pained moans coming out of his mouth.

His brain was still working fine, slower than normal but he could think. He was used to working nonstop with nothing but coffee helping him, none of this was new, although Pepper always forced him to go to bed and get food long before this point when he was home, and his current state put even the one he was in when he was trying to save Loki to shame. Even then he slept in broken segments. Somehow that situation didn't seem as dire though.

He would like to be writing all of his current thoughts down so he could look at them later and add more to them but his tablet was still well across the room mocking him. If he was being honest, the thought that he would be able to type anything coherent on it at this point anyways may've been waaay too generous of an approximation.

Still, he figured if he was still good enough to be able to think out his problems and if the coffee was still enough to keep his eyes open, he was good, and he'd planned to go to sleep eventually, he wasn't planning to never sleep again. In fact, he'd planned to be asleep before Loki woke up. He just failed. Again.

Loki woke up to a zombie behind him muttering and shuffling for something. He turned slightly to confirm that yes, that zombie behind him was indeed the scientist formerly known as Tony. Tony didn't see that Loki was awake, didn't see the extremely pissed-off look on his face, or hear the low growl coming from his throat because all he could think about right then was coffee. 

He needed more of it, he was starting to lose focus and he couldn't let that happen. Any given theory or idea could be the one that helped him save Loki, he couldn't risk sleep when he might be able to save him. He promised he'd save him...

Loki smacked his palm against his own head with a sound of frustration. He was careful to keep the tablet from him every night, which he was still upset about, but the coffee was still well within reach. Well, was, being the operative word. Loki snatched the substance from the floor before Tony could grab it again.

He was so out of it, it took the scientist a moment to realize what had just happened, but as soon as he realized the essential item was missing he turned his eyes from the ground where it'd been a second before to Loki who was now sitting outside his reach and holding his cup. He made a look that Loki was sure was supposed to be a glare but looked a lot more like a pout at this point. He opened his mouth

"No."

"Lo..." that was as far as he could get and it only pissed Loki off more.

"No! And I don't want to hear it!"

Loki grabbed his cane and got to his feet, offending beverage in hand, and went to pour it down the sink. Just as he got to the door he turned around and made the short trip back to grab Tony's tablet too because he was a spoilsport and he didn't play fair.

Tony made a pained groan for his efforts but immediately stopped at the glare Loki sent him because of it. While Tony was usually always down for a pissing match with the other prince... maaaybe this wasn't the time. Besides, none of this was up for debate, not that Tony could debate him on it right now anyway, so with both items in one hand and his cane in the other, Loki walked out of the room. Tony flinched as he managed to slam the door behind him.

Amaya expected to wake up the next day feeling better than she had in a long while. She'd finally gotten some much-needed payback on Pepper. A smile spread across her face as she thought about it. Her conversation with the king had been productive indeed, and if all went well, she would even get to see the benefits of her revenge before she died.

Still, it was sad she wouldn't be able to participate in the project. It actually did sound very interesting even if she still didn't actually believe what they were trying to do was possible. Still, if anyone was stubborn enough to be successful, it would be a Stark. She tried to keep the fact that she'd have no part in it out of her mind. Even with that though, she expected to feel happy after everything, but alas, she wasn't.

Amaya sighed when instead of waking up feeling satisfaction she woke up feeling pissed off, guilty, conflicted, and a whole host of other mostly negative and self-blaming emotions she knew had to be Loki's. She sighed. Either something had happened with Pepper, or something had happened with Tony.

Her bet was Tony but either way, it looked like his temper was about to be in full effect if something wasn't done about the situation soon. She started to head towards the kitchen. She wasn't looking for anyone, she just wanted water, so she almost laughed in irony when she immediately ran into the very person she'd just been thinking about.

"Morning sleepy head." Loki turned to her to acknowledge her greeting and immediately went back to his food. He was already past annoyed and disgruntled, instead looking completely pissed off so that wasn't a good sign but it wasn't unexpected.

Still, she could feel him try to calm himself a bit when he saw her. She turned to the food. The dish he was making was something new today. She immediately went and leaned over the stove.

"What's this?"

"Chilaquiles. Or at least it will be in about twenty minutes."

"Could I get you to give me any of those by chance?"

"I suppose I could be convinced, if only because I love you."

She smiled and Loki continued cooking, but she noticed he didn't add any more food. He'd already been preparing a portion for her. She didn't try to hide it when her smile grew.

"So, whatcha doing today?"

"I will be sitting with Anthony today."

There was something hidden in the way he said that but she couldn't quite tell what.

"Is he alright?"

"He will be fine after he gets some sleep. Which reminds me, he is no longer allowed to have coffee."

"...You're just taking away his coffee?"

"Yes."

"You know he's going to be pissed at you for that, right?"

"I'll live."

Amaya shook her head and sighed. It was a futile effort she knew, for such smart people they could both be so stubborn and hard-headed, but since she felt someone had to point it out, and she was the only other one there...

"Maybe you should talk to him about it first before you-"

"No. He's hurting himself by staying up all night drinking that stuff."

She knew his reasoning was sound but that wasn't quite the point.

"What's he staying up all night for?"

"He started working on his father's magic capture device." That was strange. She didn't think he'd start on that yet. "Speaking of which, how was your conversation with the king yesterday?"

Amaya shuffled around slightly trying not to make it look obvious that she wanted him to talk about anything else.

"I told you it went well."

"Yes but you haven't told me anything about it."

"Not much to tell. Pretty short conversation really, he told me about the program, asked me to give Anthony a message, and that was it."

"Was Ms. Potts there for it?"

"No, the king sent her out."

Loki paused for a moment, even going so far as to turn away from the food he was still preparing to give her a curious look.

"He sent her out? Did she ask to stay?"

"No. She looked pissed about it but she just put on that fake too-big smile and did as he told her."

"I would think he would've wanted her around for that conversation."

"That's what I thought too. She always made it feel like he relies on her opinion for everything and he immediately takes her word for it no matter what she says but I guess that's not it."

"I suppose not..." Loki turned back to the food after a second. She would pay to be able to look inside his head right now. His emotions were a jumble. "So, he seems to like you?"

"...Yeah, I suppose so..." 

He can't save me. She wanted to say it. Maybe it would spare him if he didn't get his hopes up. She was going home to Jotunheim and shortly after she would be hung, there was no program for her, but she supposed it would still be a good opportunity for whoever got chosen.

"You suppose so?"

"I don't know he's a bit hard to read."

"Hm... This program you said they're doing, does he want you to participate in it?" She tried not to react to that and failed miserably. How had he figured that out, she hadn't implied that at any point, but he just shrugged his shoulders casually. "I figured if he discussed it with you, he must want you to participate."

Amaya would've started sweating if she could. She tried her best to make herself smaller as she stood in her spot.

"Yes."

"Hm... and did he say why he picked you?"

he assumes you will be living in the palace... you'll be the most convenient.

She shuffled and started looking down at her feet immediately. His eyes cut to her sharply. He could tell she was going to lie even before she opened her mouth, and even if the way she refused to meet his eye didn't give her away, the way the single word came out so small he could barely hear it definitely would've.

"No."

He stared at her for a moment, eyes sharp and suspicious and for a second her heart rate started to pick up. Memories she couldn't help returned to her mind of when that look meant he would start screaming at her, accusing her, hating her, claiming she didn't love him- But he just turned back to the food and nodded.

"Alright."

She looked up suddenly. Alright? Even back in Jotunheim Loki wouldn't let her get away with a lie without at least asking about it. Now it was just "alright?" She decided not to question it, instead trying to release the tension over the last question and her last answer.

She still hadn't told him. The king had instructed her to weeks ago but... she still hadn't managed it... Would he hate her again, if he knew? How did she even tell him something like that?

You weren't supposed to go home. I ruined your chance to stay on Midgard. I ruined your chance at a better life. A life with Tony...

Tears came to her eyes as she thought about it, she'd ruined him all with the signing of her name. She was having a hard time holding the tears back.

"It's the onion." She looked up suddenly and turned to where Loki was calmy slicing something white and purple, not even looking at her, but still, somehow he'd seen the tears. "It makes your eyes water when it is cut."

She could see now that his eyes were also watering as he continued to cut into the vegetable, but she wasn't close enough for it to be affecting her. She wasn't crying because of the onion, and he knew it. He was just giving her an excuse.

"Thanks. So what made you cook this today? How do you make it?"

”Well I figured everyone would get tired of French toast and eggs eventually.”

Loki proceeded to continue explaining the rest of the dish, how he’d found it on Tony’s tablet, why he chose it, how it was supposed to taste, the ingredients he needed for it, which region of Midgard it was from, and everything else he possibly could surrounding the dish.

He didn’t need to include that level of detail, she knew it and he did too, but as long as he was talking she didn’t need to, and as long as she wasn’t talking she could relax and regain a sense of calm. She smiled as he finished the dish and put it on a plate.

"You didn't make any for Tony?"

"I'll make him some when he wakes up. Try a little bit first. It’s supposed to be spicy.”

She picked up a piece and took a small bite.

”Oh!” Loki was next to her immediately as she drew in a sharp breath and fanned at her mouth but she waved him off. “No no, it’s ok! It’s good!”

She sucked in another breath desperately. She turned as he immediately went to the fridge and grabbed something, poured it into a glass, and gave it to her, meanwhile she kept sucking in mouthfuls of air trying hard to chill the fire.

”Drink this.”

She did and immediately breathed a sigh of relief as the heat in her mouth was extinguished.

”Thanks. What is this?”

”Cow’s milk. It helps with the heat.”

She took another small sip of the drink and immediately took another bite of the food. Painful as it was, it was still too good to pass up.

”Perhaps I made it a bit too hot.”

”No it’s good. I think it’s perfect as is. You wanna sit and eat with me outside for a bit?”

”I’d love to.”

They both made their way out to the patio and took a seat on the steps as they always did. He chuckled for a second watching her alternate between the food and her drink until she got through a good portion of the dish. She wasn’t lying, it was good. It was too delicious not to eat, but the fact that he made it as always added a bit of extra love to it which in her eyes always made it that much better.

”So how’s everything going with Tony?”

”Good.”

She hesitated slightly. The word came out hard and annoyed so that obviously wasn't the truth. So it was Tony that caused all those emotions this morning. She thought everything was better with them. She didn’t know how they managed to fight so often, and she wanted to ask but she had a feeling he wouldn’t say. He was hiding a lot of things from her nowadays.

Tell him.

Not like she wasn’t doing that too. She was hiding just as much, only what she was hiding he had a right to know. As she sat outside looking at the pretty peaceful scene she couldn’t help but think this was a perfect time.

They were sitting together, they were alone, and she needed to tell him. He deserved to know. She was instructed to tell him, but would he hate her again if he knew? Even if he did, did that make it right to not tell him? She'd ruined his life. He just didn't know it yet. Could she really blame him if he hated her for that?

”Hey, Loki… I…”

Her mouth opened and closed quietly. Her bottom lip quivered as his eyes cut over to her again, quietly taking in her current state.

”Yes, Amaya?”

”…I… I uh... thank you… you know, for breakfast.”

"...You're welcome."

A small tear was forming in the corner of her eye too fast for her to blink away. It slowly fell down her face as she continued to eat. There weren’t any onions around for her to blame this time, but he was nice enough not to bring it up.

Loki walked slowly back to his room. Part of him was screaming at him for moving so unhurriedly. He needed to get back, he needed to check on Tony, but he calmed himself with the fact that the overworked scientist had to be asleep by now. Without his coffee, there was no way he was up. Besides, he needed the time that walking slowly provided him to think.

Amaya went back inside after finishing her food. She almost ran in, giving him a quick hug and then disappearing so fast it was like she'd never been there in the first place. She couldn't have been more suspicious if she tried and it put Loki on red alert. She'd even started crying while she was outside eating her food...

Whatever it was she was hiding from him, it was something rather important. She'd almost worked up the courage to tell him, stumbling over her words as she did, but at the last second, she just thanked him for breakfast and pretended that was what she'd intended all along instead.

He'd let her get away with it, she looked scared like she didn't know how he was going to react to it, whatever it was, and he wasn't going to force her to tell him but all of this together was making him more than a little worried.

His first thought was that she knew something about the true purpose of the program. It made sense, she definitely lied when he asked if she knew why she was chosen so she had to know something. Still, that didn't seem the type of thing she would cry about. Confront him over or try to stop, maybe, but not cry. So what did bring her to tears?

Maybe Pepper did something. As if he needed any more reasons to hate that vile woman, what could she have possibly done to her now? The only thing stopping him from going to confront her about whatever it was that she had done, was the fact that it probably wasn't her either. Pepper was evil, but she was more likely to make Amaya angry rather than tearful, so what had happened?

Despite her turn in mood, Amaya seemed happy when she first walked into the kitchen. It was talking about the program that made her mood change so it was something involving that. But if it was just something with the program, why was she crying?

It was all making his head spin, it was too much to handle but one thing was definitely for sure, he needed more time to figure everything out. Luckily, thanks to his conversation with Amaya that was one thing he did know how to get.

Loki slowly opened the door to his room and poked his head in. He immediately found Tony and managed to give a small smile when he saw the man was, finally, asleep. It was the only time Loki ever saw him at peace anymore was when he was unconscious.

He longed to join him, to go over and hold him and wait for him to eventually wake up in his arms and delight in a peaceful moment where it was just the two of them together and their problems seemed farther than they were... But he had things he needed to go do and besides, moments like that only existed when Tony was sleeping now.

As soon as he was up the spell was broken, but maybe if he worked quickly enough he could be back and enjoy the artificial peace of those moments while he slept before the man woke up. So, with a small sigh, Loki closed the door to the room and continued his journey down the hallway.

This was becoming so familiar a routine that it was pissing her off that she even had to interact with the homicidal prince this much. She sighed and opened her door to see him standing there, arms folded across his chest, looking attitudinal as usual.

At first, she thought he was bringing her the devices, officially sealing the deal and it almost made her happy to see him. Not quite, but almost. But when she noticed his hands were empty she started to doubt whether that was what this was for, and she immediately started to get even more annoyed than she was just by having to see him.

"Have you come with the devices?"

"No. I was going to, but that was before I realized you hadn't finished your part of the deal."

Pepper's eyes narrowed. This was why she hated dealing with him. Well, more like one reason on a very long list. 

"What are you talking about? I got Amaya into the program, that was the agreement-"

"You got Amaya recommended for the program. You don't know whether she's been accepted or not."

"The king accepted her in their last meeting-"

"How, exactly, would you know that? You left that meeting. You don't know if he accepted her or not."

"Maybe if your little friend hadn't hung up before I could go in and ask I'd have those details available for you. If you're so worried about it why don't you ask her? Clearly, you've already been talking to her about it."

"I unfortunately had to due to your failure to ensure she was actually guaranteed. From her perspective, he doesn't seem to like her all that much. It seems he might go with someone else."

She looked more than a bit skeptical of that. Who else was there to even consider? From the king's perspective she was the only one that was accessible, how badly could she have screwed this up that he didn't even think she could be useful in a program focused on healing magic? And if she'd screwed up that badly, why was she smiling so brightly when she left the room? Something wasn't adding up here...

"I thought you were oh so scared of your friend finding out you were going behind her back."

"If you hadn't failed to do your job I wouldn't have had to ask her in the first place but as always incompetence runs in everything you do."

She hoped that conversation put the same strain on their friendship he was putting on her patience.

"So? What, exactly, do you want me to do about it, the meeting's already been had I can't go back in time. If she's so unlikable she can't even be useful in a program literally built with her in mind-"

"I want another meeting between Amaya and the king and I want reassurance that the king will take her on as a candidate by the time the meeting is over."

She stared at him like he'd lost his mind although losing what wasn't there shouldn't really be possible. Honestly, who did he think he was to her? Maybe he was a prince but as long as they were here she didn't care. To her, he was just an annoying brat.

"How exactly do you expect me to do that, in case you haven't noticed kings tend to be fairly busy especially since king Howard is now planning this little science fair project and a wedding."

"Figure it out! You should've had this dealt with the first time, the fact that I even have to come here and remind you to do the simplest parts of the job makes me wonder how you get anything done! Besides, I was under the impression you had an influence on the king, that's how you got all of this set up in the first place, right?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly. That was a dangerous statement to respond to. Influence, she had but the level of it might be a bit less than what she implied. Letting him know that was not to her advantage but agreeing put her in a less-than-stellar position as well...

"Why should I even care about anything that comes out of your mouth, especially when you don't even have the devices? What exactly do I gain from this?"

"Need I remind you, if he changes his mind, if he decides to go with someone else instead, that means Amaya returns to Jotunheim with me and I live. Do you want me dead or not?"

They both knew the answer to that question even if the hostility in her eyes made it even more than clear.

"Give me the devices and I'll get her the meeting."

"You are not in a position to demand anything from me right now. Get her the meeting, you'll get the devices. Fail to get her this meeting and I'll live regardless."

Pepper growled annoyed but she said nothing as he turned around and headed back down the hall. She turned around and went into her room and slammed the door. Two steps forward and one step back, it was the same frustrating pattern that had plagued her since she'd been here!

She took a deep breath. Ok, she could handle this. One last hang-up in the plan and then she was done. Loki would be dead. She took another deep breath and sighed. This time, she would make sure this was finished. 

She pressed the call button on the device on her desk and waited to see if the king would answer. It was the middle of the day. His week was swamped with meetings so she figured she wouldn't get through, but it appeared today was her lucky day.

"I'm busy Pepper. What is it?"

He already looked irritated even as he continued to look down at whatever he was currently writing. She had to play this smart if she was going to get anything she needed out of it.

"Sorry to interrupt your day sir. I understand things are proceeding well with the healing project?"

"I don't know if well is the word I would use. I also don't know why that's any of your concern."

"I'm not allowed to be curious about ventures I propose?"

The king's eyes cut to her for a second before they went back down to the work in front of him, though his eyes drifted up to her every few seconds.

"You interrupted my very busy schedule so I could address your curiosity?" She winced just slightly, but unfortunately, he still saw it and his eyes were still boring into her, commanding her to give him a better excuse as to why he just interrupted him with this phone call during his very busy day. "Why did you call me Pepper?"

"I apologize sir. It's just, I just know your days are very busy right now and I'm not doing a lot here. If there was anything I could do to help aid you or the program in any way-"

"No." She flinched again slightly and cursed herself silently. Why did she call now, she should've known better. He was always swamped with work during this time of the day. She should've called back at a time that would've been more convenient. "Was that it?"

"Amaya has also been asking some questions about the program since your meeting with her, sir. She seems a bit... unsure if you want her as a candidate. Did you extend her an offer?"

"An informal one sure, but nothing was signed."

"Oh! So she is guaranteed as a candidate?"

"Of course not. It would be foolish to only consider one candidate."

"But... I thought-"

"I will be calling Laufey to discuss the broader details of the program as they currently stand so he can provide insight and assistance into this endeavor. As a part of that, I will be asking him if there are any healers he could also recommend."

"Is Amaya not properly suited to the program?"

"She is good. She has a lot of good qualities and expertise as a healer and her training has been top-notch. However, her specialization might be a bit difficult to work with and her lack of information on human medicine and technology means that we would have to get her up to speed on both, which would cost us time."

"So, she's not guaranteed."

"She's a great candidate and high up on the list, paperwork is being drafted for her but if we can find someone with a specialization that is easier to work with or someone who knows about our healing methods and tech, the name on the contract can always be switched out."

"Is there any way that I could help increase her chances of being guaranteed for the program, sir?"

Howard's eyes narrowed.

"Is there a particular reason you're so insistent on her holding the position?"

"She is the most convenient candidate available sir. She will already be living in the palace so we would save on relocation costs and though educating her would take some time, it would be slightly mitigated by the time we wouldn't have to spend getting her to Midgard. Besides, as I said before, she is also likely the most comfortable with humans. We are experimenting on their magic, there is a comfort factor that goes into this as well." She knew her reasoning was completely sound but he still continued to give her that suspicious look. "As I said sir, I proposed this program. I really want to see it succeed."

"...Your recommendations will be taken into consideration. Actually if you want to help there is something we might need you for in the legal department when you get home."

"Of course, I'd love to help. What do you need me to do?"

"Draft contracts."

Oh, she could do that. She was great at drafting contracts. Anything to keep up the appearance that she actually cared about this thing as much as she said she did.

"Yes sir, I will help out with that as soon as we're back home."

"Excellent. I will set up the meeting with Amaya for sometime next week."

"Thank you, sir."

"No Pepper, thank you."

Loki turned around and headed back down the hallway. He heard her door slam shut just as he reached his door. He rubbed at his temple with annoyance. It had been a very eventful morning. Too eventful frankly if it were up to him and too emotionally involved in all different directions.

Tony was thankfully still asleep against the wall. He didn't know how long he'd be out but he figured he probably wouldn't see him up again for the rest of the day. Some of the tension left his shoulders. He was happy he was finally resting even if he was still a bit pissed at him.

He was sure there would start fighting the second he woke up over his forced withdrawal from caffeine but he'd deal with that later. As Loki got closer and closer he started to notice small movements Tony was making.

He was twitching and shaking, just slightly. He remembered him moving slightly in his sleep just before he left to go see Pepper but it wasn't this much and it wasn't quite this... erratic. His face changed to one of confusion as he slowly got closer. Had he drunk that much coffee that it was affecting him even in his sleep?

When he was awake a little while ago he could barely move at all. Sleep could be restoring some of his energy, that is, after all, what had happened with him. It made sense but... something about it just didn't feel right. It took much too long for Loki to finally figure it out but the second he did he was by Tony's side and shaking him roughly.

"Anthony? Anthony wake up!"

He could see the slight look of distress form on his face as he tried to fight away Loki's hands in his sleep but Loki stayed insistent, shaking him and refusing to stop until his eyes opened. After only a few seconds he woke up.

He turned to Loki quickly, reaching out a hand to touch face like he had to confirm he was real. The fear in his eyes was painfully familiar to the person he was looking at but Loki did his best not to let it affect him. He kept his voice calm and focused all his energy on the person in front of him and not himself.

"What was it? What happened?"

He didn't answer at first, although the answer was admittedly obvious. They both knew what happened. He just kept staring, searching, and confirming. He was in Alfheim. This was real. He was awake. Loki watched as he answered those questions for himself a few more before he finally gave him an answer.

"You died."

Chapter Text

The holographic screen appeared in front of him and Laufey turned to it lazily not even trying to mask the exhaustion on his face. Luckily the other monarch staring back at him didn't look much better off. They both took a second to see what all of these political events were doing to them. It'd all be worth it though. If it would protect his son, it would be more than worth it.

This call wasn't about the wedding, however. Laufey wasn't entirely sure what this meeting was about, besides it concerning a joint business venture between the two. It was the first of many he was sure, but he thought they would wait a while to start such projects. Apparently, Howard had other ideas. 

"King Howard. A pleasure as always."

"The pleasure's mine."

"To what do I owe the call?"

"I have a little idea I wanted to run by you, an idea for after the merger happens."

"Shouldn't we wait until after the boys are married for such things?"

"Why wait for the future to come to you when you can go to it?"

"Hm. What exactly did you have in mind?"

"As you know, technology is Earth's "thing", our it factor. It's what sets us apart from the rest of the realms, and Jotun magic is more powerful than any other's in the realms."

"I'm aware."

"I'd like to combine the two. I'd like to study Jotun magic and how it works to meld it with our technology, without the use of runes."

Laufey leaned back in his chair slightly and stared at the man in front of him. Genius and madness were said to go hand in hand. Howard had to be a little of both to attempt such a thing, but Laufey already knew that. He wasn't surprised by it, everyone knew about Howard Stark, and if there was one man who could get the job done...

"That's a very lofty goal to have especially so early on. You're aware that doing something like that is said to be impossible, right?"

"I don't do well with the word impossible."

"So I see. You already have ideas on how to make this happen don't you?"

"Several."

"What do you want to combine them for, exactly?"

"We thought it'd be best to start with healing. Attempting to combine Jotun and human healing methodologies could result in some of the most powerful healing techniques in the realms, even better than the elves."

Laufey let himself think about it for a moment. It would be an amazing undertaking, something like this had never even been heard of in the nine, much less tried. Starting with healing was a strategic choice, but Laufey knew it wouldn't end there. Things never did.

"Assuming you are able to combine the two and affect medicine for the better because of it, what then?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid Howard. In addition to its technologies, Midgard is also known for its weaponry. After you've learned how to combine the two, what's to stop you from creating an arsenal of magic-amplified weapons next?"

"What would be so wrong with magic-amplified weapons? I see those as an advantage to all of us."

"Eventually but not now. It's too soon."

Just because we have guns doesn't necessarily mean we have to shoot them."

"Most don't create weapons just to look at."

"It's a defensive measure, nothing more. We have a saying here on Midgard about speaking softly and carrying a big stick. Consider those big sticks. People tend to listen to peace more if they believe war isn't an option, and with the power shifting so drastically in the realms, and I don't just mean with us, it would be useful to have the extra tactical advantage."

"War isn't an option right now. All the realms are at peace. We need to make attempts to ensure it remains that way, especially during these shifts of power."

"We both know how quickly that can change. As it stands, as you say, everything is at peace, and my current intention is only to create healing technology. Nothing more. I have no intention of going on a war path after this merger Laufey. That serves no one. I just like to know that our people are... protected."

Laufey gave Howard a long look.

"I like the idea of healing technologies. I'm not sure how I feel about big sticks right now. Once everything is settled, once time has passed, then maybe."

"We can hold off on that for now. As I said right now I only want to focus on healing technology. We can table the discussion of any weaponry. We can even put it in writing if you want."

"I'll take you at your word. We are partners now, I assume your word is all I will need."

"It is more than enough, I appreciate your help in this matter. I'd like to return to the other conversation now."

"Very well."

"For this project to work, we would need a mage to study, one adept at healing magic."

"You are in luck then. Prince Loki's attendant is quite a skilled healer."

"So I've heard. We are more than willing to choose her, unless there are any others you can recommend for such a thing?"

"No, Amaya will be more than sufficient for the task. She is an excellent healer."

"Very well, that is settled then. There was one more concern we had, however. I did speak to Amaya about this opportunity to see if she herself was interested in it, and she said her specialty was severe trauma wounds." It took practice for Laufey to pretend to remain as at ease as he did as he continued to look at the holographic projection. "Is this the only field she has experience in?"

"It's what she has the most practice in, certainly, but she has a wide range of healing magics she is skilled in. Andora taught her personally. She is a very strict teacher, she wouldn't accept any less than Amaya being good at everything in the healing discipline."

"Hmmm... I see. That is some very high praise, but then again she is the one you both have charged with protecting prince Loki."

"The things we do for our children."

Howard hesitated a moment.

"Yes. Thank you for your help in this matter king Laufey. I look forward to updating you on this further in the future."

"Of course. Is there anything else you needed from me?"

"One more thing, actually. It shouldn't take long."

For the first few seconds after Tony woke up, he couldn't tell where he was. He didn't know why he wasn't in a snowy field surrounded by Loki's broken limbs taken apart and fashioned together in a circle around him to spell the word failure. He wasn't sure what this room in this house was. More than all of that, he didn't know why he was looking up at Loki, the same broken corpse he'd been looking at only a moment ago, only this one was alive and talking to him.

"What was it? What happened?"

The answer was obvious to both of them, but it still took Tony a moment to work it out. What just happened, what he'd just seen, it wasn't real. It was fake. He was awake now and he'd had a nightmare. He'd had nightmares before of course, everyone did, but this was different. He didn't feel like he was dreaming, he felt like it was real. Even all the things that didn't make sense that would normally tip him off to it being fake, him being in Jotunheim, not feeling the cold, none of it could make him realize that what he was seeing wasn't happening.

"Tony? Tony? What happened?"

And then there was this. Tony focused back in suddenly looking up at Loki's concerned eyes. His alive eyes that were staring down at him and not out at nothing. The obvious answer didn't really seem to matter right now. They both knew what happened, so he figured he'd skip past that part.

"You died."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Lokes it's..."

Tony sat up as best he could and leaned back against the wall. The images were still swimming around in his head and he tried to banish them but they just... they just kept coming... the way his body was torn apart... the blood...

"Tony! Hey!"

His eyes snapped back up to see Loki still sitting there, still alive. Loki was alive. He was alive, he needed to get that through his head, but now Loki was looking at him more concerned than ever and he couldn't deal with that right now. This was too much, he didn't want to think about it. He needed to think about something else.

"Where's my tablet?"

The frown on Loki's face deepened immediately.

"Tony I don't think you should be-"

"It's fine Lokes, really, I just need to get to work."

"You just had a nightmare about me dying and the first thing you want to do is run off to your tablet again?"

'So I can prevent it from happening.'

"Yeah, I just want to get to work. It's one nightmare Loki, it's not that big a deal."

"You barely got any sleep and you were already sleep deprived before that."

"I'm up now and I feel fine, I'm rested."

Tony looked around the room trying to find the device. He was sure Loki had it or he hid it somewhere but maybe if he put it down somewhere... He missed the way Loki was looking at him.