Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Virgil lay curled on his bed, hoodie pulled tight around him and a small silver necklace cradled in his palm. He studied it carefully as his thumb traced over the curves of the rat's tail and fur impressed into the metal. He took a deep breath and silently wished it could be any other day.

Before too long, his roommate-slash-best-friend's head popped up over the banister of the loft bed. "Hey, Virge, you okay?" Roman asked loudly before he noticed the necklace, "oh, shit. It's today isn't it?"

Virgil responded with a barely noticeable nod. Roman instantly softened with a look of pity and concern.

"Just wish I coulda said 'goodbye', ya know?" Virgil mumbled, closing his fist around the necklace and pulling it to his chest.

"I know. It hurts now, but time will bring healing. You've already come so far, Virgil. You want me to stick around? Try and take your mind off it?"

Virgil shook his head, "nah, I'm fine."

"Want me to call Logan?"

"He's coming by to study later."

Roman sighed, "sure you don't want me around until then?"

"What? Haven't you had enough of this mopey emo? I'll listen to music and cry or something. Just a hard day," Virgil met Roman’s eyes. Roman nodded and reached over to pat his shoulder.

"You have my number. You need anything and I'll be here as quick as it takes to run across campus," Roman gave Virgil a serious look, "promise."

"You going to bother Patton today?" Virgil asked, genuinely curious.

"It's not bothering, it's flirting," Roman scoffed, easily distracted by his favorite subject, himself.

"Flirt all you want, he's never gonna take the hint."

"Not the first catholic boy I've won over."

"You're crazy, Princey. Have fun," Virgil chuckled, curling into himself a bit tighter.

Roman laughed softly, "I'll try my best. Take care of yourself. Eat something today."

Virgil nodded and Roman’s head disappeared. He sighed as Roman shuffled around getting ready to leave, "leave the door open for Lo, okay?"

"You got it. Catch you later, depresso latte."

"See ya, Princey." Virgil sighed and rolled over to his other side. He allowed himself to tear up once he was sure his roommate had left the room. He could almost feel the phantom touch of a body spooned up against his back, but it couldn't be real.

God he hated today.

After what felt like an eternity, Virgil pulled himself out of bed and changed into clean pants. He dragged his weighted blanket off the bed and curled up on the ratty old couch he and Roman shared. That's where Logan found him when he came knocking on the door, carefully stepping into the room.

"Lightning? Is everything okay? Roman texted to tell me to bring you food and be 'extra delicate' today. Something about an ‘anniversary’?" Logan asked, shrugging his backpack off his shoulders and pulling out a snack baggie, "I brought trail mix and low sugar cranberry juice boxes."

Virgil barely smiled and patted the seat next to him on the couch. "I'm okay, L. Just.. hard day."

"Why? What's wrong, dear?" Logan took the seat and handed over the trail mix, laying a hand on the lump that should be Virgil’s shoulder.

Virgil sniffed, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie, "thanks. It's ah.. the anniversary of the day Remus died.."

"Remus?"

"My.. first boyfriend."

"Oh Virgil, I- uh.. sorry. Why haven't you mentioned him before?" Logan fumbled, trying to figure out the best way to handle this new information and more than usually depressed boyfriend.

Virgil sighed and shifted on the couch, holding out his arms for a hug. Logan quickly fell into his usual position, sliding an arm behind Virgil’s back and resting his head on his chest.

Virgil hummed and started running his fingers through Logan’s hair, "I don't like thinking about him. It's been five years but it can still hurt like it was yesterday."

Logan nodded softly, "do you want to talk about it?"

"Well, you should probably know," Virgil gulped, "I met Remus online and that's where we started dating too. We'd text, share pictures, and even video chatted a few times, real dumb teenage stuff. I wasn't out so I never told my parents about him. We sent each other necklaces," Virgil held out the rat necklace for Logan to see then cut back a sob, tugging Logan closer, "he ah.. died in a car crash. It took me three months to find out. I thought- oh god- I thought he was ghosting me, but it turned out he was just dead-"

Logan listened quietly as Virgil broke into sobs. After several minutes, when it seemed his boyfriend had calmed down, Logan spoke up, "grief is a difficult, non-linear process. The pain you're feeling is normal and expected, for however long you feel it. Thank you for telling me about him. I'm sure Remus would just be happy that you've pushed on and lived your life without him, you know?"

Virgil stayed quiet for a long moment, catching his breath and trying to control the sniffles. Eventually, he leaned down to kiss the top of Logan’s head, "thank you. For being patient and understanding. Like I said, most days are fine and I'm just my normal depressing self but today is hard. Wish we coulda.. ya know.. met and had.. had more time. Say goodbye. Those kinds of things."

Logan nodded and squeezed Virgil tight, "I do still need to study. Would you like me to stay or should I go? I can give you space, maybe we meet up for dinner?"

Virgil shook his head and held Logan closer to his chest, "no. You help. Just being here. Go ahead and study. I'll keep quiet."

"Let me get my bag then we'll get comfortable," Logan smiled softly and kissed Virgil’s chest, "can I get up, dear?"

“Fiiiine,” Virgil sighed with a soft smile, letting Logan get up. While Logan got his chemistry textbooks and laptop, Virgil grabbed his headphones and extra pillows. Logan sat on the couch and worked while Virgil curled up in his lap listening to a too-loud playlist and trying to focus on the comfort of just being with Logan. For his part, Logan made an effort to pet Virgil’s head through his hoodie and seemed to have unlimited juice boxes in his bag.

It wasn’t long before Virgil drifted off into a nap. 

Chapter Text

“Hey, time to wake up, Lightning.”

Virgil groaned, eyes opening on a world as dark as his dreams. He looked groggily up at Logan who was reading with the help of a book light Virgil had gotten him last Christmas. It wasn’t the first time it had come in handy.

“What time is it?” Virgil asked with a groan.

“About 8:33 pm. I was thinking perhaps we could throw together an impromptu stargazing date? It would help keep your mind off Remus and it can be a fun memory to associate with the day to help lessen the effects of the more painful associations.” Logan smiled in the dim light and shut his book, reaching down to run his fingers through Virgil’s bangs, “it’s up to you though.”

Virgil nodded quickly, a bit surprised by and grateful for the emotional thought behind the offer, “no, that sounds like fun. I- thank you, Logan. You’re really cool.” Slowly, he sat up and leaned over to kiss Logan on the cheek.

Logan smiled softly in a way that barely hid a smug grin, “thank you.”

Virgil texted Roman to let him know where they’d be all night as his roommate tended to get upset when he stayed out too late, then helped Logan pack up a blanket, snacks, and drinks, as well an ancient boom box.

Lightning bugs flickered through the soccer fields as they passed, unseen crickets sang high, and bullfrogs in the retaining pond croaked low in strange yet familiar harmony. Virgil wondered idly where the lightning bugs flew during the day that they didn’t get crushed during sports practice.

Logan looked back in the dim light, stopping in the middle of the field. Virgil stopped with him and Logan reached out to catch one of the flying insects. 

“It’s you, Lightning. A traveler of the night, seeking companionship and understanding with its ingeniously unique communications. You could say our love is the product of a carefully balanced chemical reaction, a bioluminescent beacon that is most stunning. Perhaps you could call it Our Chemical Romance.”

Virgil blushed and rested his head on Logan's shoulder, "yes, you are very sweet and I love you too. You know those are fireflies. I had never heard them called lightning bugs until I met you."

“Lightning bugs are my second favorite creatures of the night,” Logan replied as the beetle flew from his hand. “You’re my favorite.”

Virgil laughed at that, “what about vampires?”

“Vampires don’t compare to you because vampires are not real,” Logan smirked and reached for Virgil’s hand, “come on, we’re almost there.”

They reached the edge of the soccer field and found the hole in the fence, each squeezing through and helping the other pull their supplies through as well. Once on the outside, they set off on the path through the rash of trees that barely counted as “woods” until they reached the clearing. Luckily, the clearing was empty except for the usual debris of students who didn’t want to get caught partying on campus. Virgil set out their blanket while Logan fiddled with the boombox. 

Logan got the music playing, soft but instantly recognizable. He stood and offered Virgil a hand and a smile, “may I have this dance?”

“I love that you found about the only slow dance worthy song MCR ever sang,” Virgil teased, taking Logan’s hand and pulling in close to sway with his boyfriend all around the clearing.  

“These are the eyes and the lies of the taken. These are their hearts but their hearts don't beat like ours. They burn 'cause they are all afraid. For every one of us, there's an army of them, but you'll never fight alone.”

“You know, Virgil, I think you are incredibly strong for everything you’ve gone through, but you never have to go through things alone.”

Virgil looked up to meet Logan’s eyes, “I know. I have really good friends and you. It’s not always easy to reach out. You know that.”

“Yes, that’s why I’m reminding you,” Logan replied gently, bringing his hand up to brush his thumb along Virgil’s cheek.

“These are the nights and the lights that we fade in. These are the words but the words aren't coming out. They burn 'cause they are hard to say.”

“I’m sorry... for being such a bummer today,” Virgil spoke up softly, barely audible over the music.

“It’s quite alright. I can only imagine how painful it was to lose someone you loved so unexpectedly. To think he just didn’t want to talk to finding out he couldn’t... I’m sorry this is supposed to be a distraction,” Logan frowned at his own distraction from providing a distraction.

“No, talking helps,” Virgil reassured him, “it was bad for a while, but it’s gotten a lot better since graduation. Being at a different school and around different people. And meeting you, of course.”

“I see. Would it be okay if I ask you more about Remus another time? I am surprised he’s never come up before and I'd like to know what he was like.”

Virgil bit his lip and looked away, “yeah, but definitely another time. I just want to spend tonight with you.”

“Okay. we can do that,” Logan nodded and pulled Virgil closer to his chest.

“I just wanted you to know that the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me. Are you thinking of me? 

Stop your crying, helpless feeling, dry your eyes and start believing there's one thing they'll never take from you.”

As the song ended, Logan let the CD play on and they laid out together on the blanket to talk and watch the night sky turn slowly towards the distant morning. By now, Virgil was familiar with most of the constellations, but Logan still told him the details of the individual stars that made up the pictures and sometimes the myths behind them.  Virgil felt a sense of relaxation and warmth overcome him as Logan recounted details of Mars rovers and long-distance probes sending new information back to Earth each day. He knew how to prod Logan on and loved every second of it; how the cadence of his voice rose with excitement yet slowed in awe and wonder. Virgil admired how Logan laced his words with reverence and intimacy when speaking of the depths and expanse of space.

Logan always used to compare Virgil to a star- cold and distant light in the darkness from afar but so very alive and powerful to those near him. Virgil didn't feel much like a star. He often felt overlooked and written off by people who didn't bother with him, which was why he was so thankful for friends like Roman and Patton and for his boyfriend. Up close he was still cold and dark, but they had a chance to break through the rougher edges of his persona.

Virgil groped around the blanket and found Logan’s hand. After the briefest pause, Logan held Virgil's hand softly and continued telling him about nebulae and pulsars and Virgil sighed with contentment.

Remus was the last thing on his mind.

Chapter Text

Grass pokes into Virgil’s neck as he lays staring at the sky. Ragged breathing next to him and the hand clasped in his tells Virgil he's not alone, the sound filling the otherwise silent clearing. Virgil gulps. Something is wrong. He tries to use a steady 4-7-8 breathing pattern to calm down but every time he holds his breath, the breathing beside him increases rapidly in pace and intensity until he lets it go. Even more on edge, Virgil tries instead to focus on the constellations but the stars seem to shift when he isn't focused on them. Pretty soon he can’t recognize a single constellation as the overpowering erratic breathing continues next to him.

An unmistakable meteor streaks across the sky and Virgil inhales sharply. He points to the sky with his free hand, "look, Logan! Shooting star!"

"Who gave that star a gun?" the voice that answers from beside Virgil isn't Logan’s. It’s far too high-pitched, nearly cartoonishly cheesy, and something sinister hidden in the cheery tone. Virgil’s blood crystallizes in his veins as he slowly turns his head to look.

"Heeyyy, Virgie! Can I have a gun too?" The man is about Logan’s age but Logan would never grow a mustache or bleach parts of his hair white like this one has. Virgil stares and realizes he seems to look a lot like Roman behind the crazy hair and wickedly bright smile.

“Ro-? Who are you?” Virgil tries to scoot away but finds his hand still firmly grasped in the stranger’s, nails as sharp as talons digging into his palm. The man starts giggling. 

“Oh, that’s funny, babe ! Like you don’t know me,” the man teases and Virgil struggles harder to sit up- pull away- roll- anything to put distance between them as the man grins and slowly brings their clasped hands to his lips. Virgil’s breath quickens, each gasp seeming to get caught in his throat as he wonders if this creep is about to bite off his finger. The man never breaks eye contact as he softly kisses Virgil’s knuckles. In a flash of adrenaline, Virgil switches from pulling away to throwing his entire weight into throwing a punch at the man’s face. He screams when the man vanishes into a cold mist that envelopes him and clings to his skin, mixing with the sweat and tears he finally notices streaking down his cheeks.

“Oh that’s right. You don’t know me. You never knew me. Except you kinda know everything there is to know about me, Virgil.” The nasally voice surrounds Virgil as he tries to hold his breath and avoid breathing in the mist. 

Something small hits his head hard and Virgil shouts, “hey!” He refuses to look up but something white-ish in the grass catches his eye. In horror, he realizes he was pelted with a bloody tooth. Looking up in the direction the projectile had come from he sees the stranger standing above him and tossing another tooth in his hand while giving Virgil a broad grin, proving the teeth aren’t his.

“Who Are YOU?” Virgil demands, dodging as a second tooth is thrown at him. 

“You know who I am, darling . Say my name,” the stranger kneels down before him, “you have to know me, Virgil. You’re the one who fucking killed me.”

Virgil’s eyes finally widen in cold recognition, “R- Remus..”

“That’s me!” Remus cackles gleefully and throws dozens of teeth in the air like confetti that clinks in the grass around Virgil.

“This is impossible,” Virgil tries to scramble up to his feet and run but once he stands upright the grass anchors into his shoes, growing into and around his feet, literally rooting him to the spot. 

Remus keeps laughing and stands to face Virgil, drawing a finger over his cheek and lips, “that’s right. But aren’t you glad to finally give me a face? I kinda expected it to look more like Lolo but you know, Roman’s not a bad template either. He’s a handsome motherfucker and I just improved his look, huh? He was my inspiration, right?”

“Just shut up!” Virgil screams, pulling his palms over his ears in a futile attempt to block out the gleeful laughter and mocking voice.

“You know, Logan is kinda a surprise. I thought you liked wild bad boys, so what’s with the nerd?” Remus walks his fingers up Virgil’s heaving chest, “or was your own story too traumatic for you to ever date someone like me?”

“I hate you so much,” Virgil growls, pushing Remus. However, Remus hardly takes one step back and looks at Virgil with eyebrows raised.

“Do you like to push guys around, Virgil? Lie to them and make them do what you want? Is this how you would treat Logan?” Remus tilts his head and pokes Virgil in the nose before fondly brushing his bangs out of his eyes, “or do you find it sexy for your squeeze to be fucked but not heard?” 

“You’re not real, go away-” Virgil shuts his eyes tight, turning his head away from Remus in front of him. Boney fingers grasp his chin and jerk his face back front-facing. When he opens his eyes he tries to scream but it dies in his throat, leaving only a voiceless wind tearing through his lips. Remus stands before him now decaying, skin brown and shrunken close to his skull- half crushed on one side. His clothes hang off his gaunt frame in rags that look one movement away from disintegration. Remus’ eyes glow from deep within the corpse’s sockets and the mustache twitches above his jack o'lantern grin.

“No wonder you couldn’t recognize me, darling ,” Virgil shudders as the raspy dry voice penetrates through his head, “I’m supposed to be five years dead. From a car accident that crushed my skull and killed me on impact! You know, you have a fucking twisted imagination, love . We would have been perfect for each other! The Lie and The Liar.”

“Just go away!” Virgil screams, trying to yank his feet out of the ground only to find the grass creeping up around his legs.

“No. No, you can’t just tell me to go away, my beautiful creator. To be frank, you ought to know exactly how to get rid of me, Frankenstein. I am your monster after all. But you didn’t even give me life. I’m just your perfect dead gay boyfriend,” the creature laughs hard, “I think you should join me, Virgie!”

Virgil feels as another scream suppresses itself deep in his lungs as the corpse leans in to kiss him with cracked dry lips, filling his nose with the scent of rot and fear. Skeletal arms wrap around him and the ground swallows them both.

Virgil awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright and panting hard. The smell of dirt and sweat and flowers replaced the lingering false memory of decay. Virgil gripped the blanket beneath him and forced himself to calm his breathing into the 4-7-8 pattern before he looked down beside him to see Logan sleeping on, blissfully unaware. Logan’s glasses and his headphones lay piled together on the corner of the blanket. Virgil looked up into the sky and almost cried when he could immediately pick out Orion. He sighed heavily in relief. It was just a dream. It wasn’t real. 

It couldn’t be real. Remus wasn’t real. He made up the whole story about Remus. But Logan could never find that out now. Not after all the kindness and sympathy that he’d shown Virgil today. He didn’t want to keep the story going but Roman just had to warn Logan about “the anniversary”. Virgil felt sick to his stomach as he watched his boyfriend sleeping next to him. 

Logan could never find out that Remus was a lie. He could never know that Virgil had lied to him.

Virgil removed the silver rat necklace from his neck and stared at it, willing it to melt in his hand. The polished metal gleamed in the moonlight and Virgil could almost swear the eyes were glowing like his nightmare and the tail twitching like that horrible mustache. He looked up and considered just throwing the necklace as hard as he possibly could and hoping Logan would forget the story by next year.

Logan wouldn’t forget. And if Virgil let himself forget, Logan would bring it up and catch him in the lie then. He was stuck. He would continue to lie to Logan. Virgil sighed and stuffed the necklace in his hoodie pocket, laying back down next to him, but as he laid down, Logan began to stir.

“Wha- who- where are we? Virgil? What’s wrong?” Logan mumbled nearly incoherently. Virgil rolled over onto his side, laying a hand on Logan’s chest.

He answered in a soft voice, “sorry, L. I woke up because of a bad dream. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.” 

At the sound of Virgil’s voice, Logan turned his head with a concerned frown, “was it about him?”

Virgil gulped and only managed to nod. Logan laid his hand on top of Virgil’s and squeezed lightly in silent commiseration. Virgil felt as tears streamed across his nose and down his face. Logan was just too quietly kind and honest for a liar like him.

Mistaking the tears for sadness, Logan shifted to his side and pulled Virgil into a close hug. Holding Virgil’s head to his chest so that his heartbeat could help ground him, Logan hummed softly. Virgil cried harder, overwhelmed by the genuine, tender, caring emotion that was so rare from Logan. He didn’t deserve this comfort but he soaked up every moment he could, hugging Logan back tightly. 

Gradually Virgil regained control and his breathing evened out. Logan murmured reassuringly until he was certain Virgil had settled again. 

“Wake me up if the nightmares come back,” Logan whispered and Virgil could do nothing but nod in agreement. Logan stifled a yawn and drifted back off to peaceful slumber, still holding Virgil to keep him calm. 

Virgil tried to fall asleep but every time he came close to drifting off, raspy crackling laughter woke him up again.

Chapter Text

“Really? That’s horrible! Five years ago?” Patton leaned across the cafeteria table conspiratorially.

“Yeah, he’s always really moody right around the anniversary too. Well… more moody than usual,” Roman nodded, biting a cheese stick in half, “just so you know in case he’s extra touchy today. It’s not you.”

Patton nodded and stared at his salad, “it must have been awful.” He poked at his plate, deep in thought or prayer, Roman wasn't sure which. After a long moment, his lips cracked into a grin, "seriously though, who names their kid Remus? Isn't that the werewolf from that demonic magic school book?"

"How the hell do you know Remus Lupin by name but not Harry Potter?" Roman giggled.

"It's not my fault! I had a friend who was very into werewolves. I heard far too much about ‘Remus’, 'Jacob’, and that show Teen Wolf for my own sanity," Patton blushed lightly, "all second-hand knowledge."

"Boy, you have got to start breaking away from that catholic school upbringing."

"Now, kiddo…"

"Don't 'now, kiddo' me! I'm serious! The devil isn't gonna conscript you just for reading young adult novels!"

Patton chuckled and shook his head, privately chastising himself.

"...always thought of that myth of the founding of Rome. Romulus and Remus, raised by wolves and all that," Roman continued, "still a weird name."

"Huh. I wonder why, Rom an ," Patton giggled harder at that.

Roman grinned, "hey, at least mine is a real name."

"Mhm," Patton scoffed.

Roman shook his head and rolled his eyes, "whatever. You know, telling me about Remus was how Virgil came out to me. It's like he needed the whole school to know how sad he was about his dead boyfriend that no one had ever heard of before," Roman mused, "like I always suspected he was gay but he wasn't my type so I never pressed him."

Patton glanced up and quickly shushed Roman before standing to wave enthusiastically across the cafeteria. In no time at all Virgil emerged from the crowd, setting his and Logan's backpacks down at the table.

"Sup, Preach. Princey." Virgil smiled briefly at the two of them, "anything good for lunch?" 

"As always, pizza is our only savior. What would you call it, Pat? Pizzus?" Roman gestured at their plates.

"Roman, I think you mean Jesus Crust. How are ya feeling today, kiddo?" Patton turned suddenly, misty-eyed and voice dripping with sympathy for Virgil.

"Uhh… did you..?" Virgil's eyes darted to Roman who met his gaze and nodded.

"Sorry that we're late. My phone died and our alarm with it," Logan interrupted, setting down two glasses of water.

"Ooooooh," Roman teased them both, giggling at the unstated implications.  Virgil turned scarlet red before turning back to Patton.

"No, Roman. Get your head out of that gutter- I'm fine, Pat. Entirely thanks to Logan," Virgil answered adamantly, grabbing the water Logan had brought him and sipping it to cool down.

 "Hm? What were we talking about?" Logan looked between Virgil and the other two.

Patton leaned closer to whisper to Logan but was still easily heard by the whole table, "you know, the whole dead boyfriend thing."

Virgil groaned, "Geez- okay. I'm gonna go get pizza. Want me to grab you some, L?" Logan shook his head and Virgil quickly retreated back toward the food.

"Tactful as always, pops," Roman chuckled.

"I agree with Roman. For Virgil to successfully deal with his grief, it would be best if we don't provide unsolicited reminders. Yesterday was hard for him. Don't make today worse," Logan took a sip from his drink and gave both Roman and Patton a meaningful look before setting the glass down and turning around to go seek out his boyfriend.

He found him loading a plate with far too much greasy sausage pizza. Logan walked up and laid his hand on Virgil’s shoulder, “hey, Lightning. Are you okay? I told Patton off.”

Virgil nodded before answering slowly, “yeah, I just didn’t expect Roman to tell anyone else.” He mentally added Patton to the list of people with who he had to keep up the ruse.

“Then tell him to stop?” Logan suggested while pulling Virgil over to the salad bar and encouraging him to grab some carrot sticks or something mildly healthy to offset the pizza. 

Virgil sighed, trying to ignore the disgusting orange sticks and the growing black pit in his heart, “but he’s just trying to help, ya know? I’m sure he just wanted to warn Patton because he knows I’ve been.. edgy about this stuff in the past.”

“Right, but it’s not his place to decide who needs to know your trauma,” Logan insisted, dumping carrots on Virgil’s plate anyway. Virgil winced, trying to ignore the guilt eating his stomach alive. 

“It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.”

“We can sit elsewhere.”

“I said it’s fine. I’ll talk to him later,” Virgil snapped but immediately stopped walking, “sorry, L. I shouldn’t be yelling at you. You’re just trying to help too.”

“It’s alright. Let’s eat. I have class in 30 minutes.” Logan replied gently, grabbing a sandwich from the grill station and heading back to the table. 

When Virgil and Logan made it back to the table, Patton was beaming and tying a bracelet on Roman’s wrist. Roman seemed less enthusiastic but still smiled broadly.

“What’s that?” Virgil asked, setting his plate down.

“Friendship bracelet!” Patton exclaimed, “I’m working on one for each of you!”

Virgil snorted at the look on Roman’s face while Logan pulled out a notebook to ignore the table’s antics. Lunch continued on in its normal fashion. Virgil tried to push the unwanted carrots off on Roman and Patton while Logan wasn’t looking and Roman tried to flirt even harder with the oblivious target of his affections. Before long Logan had to leave for class, kissing the top of Virgil’s head as he got up to clear his plates.

“See you later, Lightning.”

“Mhmm. Can’t wait, L,” Virgil smiled up at him and waved goodbye as the man left, turning back to the table with a happy glowing expression. 

“Awwwwwwww,” Patton grinned, staring Virgil down, “you love him.”

“Oh shush,” Virgil blushed and flipped his bangs down in front of his eyes, “I’m really lucky Logan ever noticed me. He’s pretty awesome.” 

“Mm.. now if only I could find a sweet man like that,” Roman mused, pointedly looking at Patton. 

“Awww, I’m sure you will, kiddo,” Patton smiled and patted Roman’s arm. Roman face planted into the table and Virgil laughed even harder than before. 

“What? Was it something I said?” Patton asked in a bewildered tone. 

“Don’t worry about it, man. You’ll figure it out eventually,” Virgil snickered, poking at the rest of the food on his plate, “see you guys at dinner?”

Both nodded as Virgil stood to go back to his room to catch up on sleep from the night before. 

Chapter Text

“Patton, just- calm down, man.”

“But I really thought the friendship bracelet was gonna clue him in! He's been acting weird all week since then.”

Virgil glanced at Patton in mild disbelief. A bracelet was really his best play?

“You’re his roommate and best friend- can you talk to him for me?” Patton looked up at Virgil with pleading eyes.

“Honestly, Pops, you should just tell him how you feel. I think it will go pretty well, okay? Roman isn’t gonna throw a fit because a cute guy-” Virgil was cut off as they reached Logan’s room, “tell ya what. You go talk to Princey, then come back and tell us how it went. Lo and I will be here all afternoon- and trust me, I want to know every detail.”

Virgil chuckled as Patton nodded eagerly and scampered off to find Roman. Virgil didn’t really understand what his friend meant by “queerplatonic” but it sounded like Patton and Roman were getting closer. Finally. 

Virgil turned to the dorm door with a grin and started knocking out the beat to Na Na Na by MCR, specifically because it always got on Logan’s nerves quickly and drew him away from whatever he was working on to let Virgil in. Plus Logan’s roommate secretly loved emo music and high-fived him every time he did it. Virgil wasn’t sure how Logan got along with the Psychology student at all. Then again it was a minor miracle that he got along with Logan so well.

 Seconds after he started knocking, Virgil heard a frustrated groan and muttered, “again?” from beyond the door, paired with amused giggles. Virgil smirked just as the door opened to Logan glaring at him. “Every time?”

Virgil tiptoed up to peck a kiss to Logan’s scowl, “keep acting like this when I do it and yes it will be every time.”

Logan huffed and jerked his head to invite Virgil inside, “you really know how to get on my nerves, Lightning.”

“Hey, Emile,” Virgil nodded at Logan’s roommate who was stuffing a backpack with folders and notebooks, “look babe, if I don’t annoy you, I end up standing in the hallway for 10 minutes until you reach the end of a chapter or finish a calculation. I like to spend time with you, not just near your door. I’m sorry for being annoying.”

Logan tried very hard to stay mad this time, but like every other time he cracked into a smile and stuck his tongue out at Virgil, “You’re lucky you’re so cute. I forgive you.”

“See you around, killjoy,” Emile grinned at Virgil and offered him their customary high five as he shouldered the bag, “oh Logan, don’t forget the necklace.” Virgil accepted the high five and with that, the roommate was out the door and had left Virgil and Logan alone. 

“Necklace?” Virgil asked curiously.

Logan nodded, “right. I uh... Found the necklace Remus gave you in the picnic blanket when I was getting laundry ready. I wanted to wash the blanket before returning it. I hope you weren’t too worried about the necklace,” Logan picked the necklace from his desk, held up the silver rat dangling from a chain, and offered it back to Virgil. 

Virgil’s heart jumped into his throat and pounded like a drum there for an agonizing moment. “Thanks,” he managed to squeak out, taking the necklace and cradling it to his chest as though he had indeed missed it. In truth, he would have never realized it was gone if Logan hadn’t found it. 

Logan smiled apologetically, “how are you feeling about- all that? It’s been a few days since the anniversary.”

Virgil nodded and carefully moved the necklace back into his hoodie pocket, fingers searching for an unseen hole in the pocket lining. He smiled at Logan, “I’m doing pretty good, all things considered. Thank you.’

“No problem. Shall we.. get to work?” Logan offered, hand gesturing to Virgil’s customary spot on his bed. Virgil nodded and quickly got out his textbooks and stack of notecards, ready to be done with this pointless vocabulary assignment. He was in college, not fifth grade. Why was his creative writing professor assigning vocab cards? With a soft sigh, he got spread out on the bed while Logan sat back down at his desk. 

Logan glanced over and laughed, “notecards? Since when do you make study aids?”

“Since Marcia decided to assign it,” Virgil chuckled, penning out the definition of ‘synecdoche’.

“Remember last winter break?” Logan asked with a grin, turning to root through his desk drawer.

“Oh my god, do you still have the slang vocab cards?” Virgil looked up with a grin.

Logan nodded and pulled out a stack of cards in a neat pile, “they were your idea. I wasn’t going to get rid of them.”

“I love you, but talking to you back then was like talking to a Wikipedia article. You’ve gotten much better since,” Virgil grinned at the memory of their somewhat awkward but highly entertaining first few months together. 

“Would you say my vocabulary has become more... ‘lit’?” Logan leafed through the cards and pulled out the corresponding card as Virgil groaned and buried his face in his book. 

“Worst idea I ever had,” Virgil laughed.

“And why is that? I thought I was becoming quite proficient in slang and AAVE,” Logan asked, tidying the deck again and setting it back away.

“Perhaps,” Virgil conceded, “but I happen to like my boyfriend when he talks nerdy .”

Logan smiled at the compliment and turned back to his work before turning back to Virgil with a horrified look, “was that a pun???” Virgil nodded and cackled into the sheets as Logan facepalmed at the joke. After they settled down, they each turned to work in somewhat comfortable silence.

Once he had finished his vocab cards, Virgil rolled over on his back and began flipping through the stack, reading each side to himself. Soon, Logan slid his chair away from his desk so he could stretch and he watched Virgil studying for a moment.

“That will never work,” Logan shook his head and Virgil craned his neck to look at him. 

“Why not?”

“Just reading the definitions won’t create a strong mental association with the word. You need a more active method,” Logan explained, holding out his hand. “Let me quiz you.”

“You’re busy with your own work,” Virgil shrugged.

Logan smiled softly at Virgil’s concern, “yes, but I need a break and you need assistance.” Virgil handed over the deck of cards and rolled back over to face Logan.

He was taken completely off guard by the first question about Remus.

“What?”

“I asked how long you and Remus knew each other.”

“Oh uh…” Virgil scrambled to remember anything he’d told Roman about the fake boyfriend and felt the pit in his stomach lurch. He wanted to be passed this, to never have to talk about his lies again. Of course, Logan wouldn’t be satisfied with the bare minimum of the story. He was too curious. “It was about 13 months from when we met to when he... Yeah.”

Logan nodded thoughtfully, “right... A whole year... a situation or detail of a character that changes the main thread of a plot?”

“Complication. I guess it was a whole year. We only dated for like 3 months though,” Virgil supplied. 

“Correct answer. Um.. you met him online, right? Where online?” Logan continued, shuffling the cards.

“It was one of those random video chat sites.” Virgil bit his lip, blanking on what site he’d told Roman before. Not that Roman would compare notes with Logan- but what if they did?

“I see. This occurs when the reader becomes aware of something important of which the characters in the story are not aware?”

“Dramatic Irony.”

“Correct,” Logan shuffled the cards again, “what was Remus like? Why’d you date him?”

“He was… so flipping cute. But also super obnoxious. He was always excited about being himself,” Virgil adopted a well-practiced wistful nostalgic tone, “he’d send me videos of himself trying skateboard tricks again and again until he finally did it right once. And he always pushed me to be myself around others. Believe it or not, I was way more closed off in high school.”

“But why did you date Remus? Especially since you met him online,” Logan repeated. Virgil shifted uncomfortably.

“I don’t really know why… I guess I just wanted to be myself. I had a girlfriend at the time who was 1000% a cover. And Remus was… safe. Like I could date someone I was actually attracted to without the risk of being seen by someone who didn’t know already. I was deep in that closet and Remus gave me a way out.” Virgil tried to stick with mostly true things but it was so so hard to compare the story to the reality of his teenage years. 

 “Interesting. The point at which a character acknowledges his or her situation for what it really is?”

Virgil took a moment to remember this definition, “recognition?”

“That’s right. You’re doing really well so far, Lightning,” Logan flashed him a smile, “and thank you for being willing to talk with me about Remus. Your relationship feels like… a new undiscovered side of you.”

Virgil gulped, “I guess. Did you ever date guys in high school?”

“I didn’t date anyone in high school. I didn’t quite realize until I met you that I could even like people like this. You’re very special to me, Virgil,” Logan nodded thoughtfully.

His words pierced Virgil through. How could he keep lying to Logan? How could he let Logan think he’s special when he’s nothing but a lying jerk? Virgil felt his pulse spiking and tried to subtly start a grounding breathing exercise, his fingers tapping Logan’s pillow to keep silent time. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Logan’s next question, “why a rat?”

“A rat?”

“The necklace? Why did he send you a rat necklace?” Logan repeated, frowning a bit.

“Right! The necklace, ah, Remus said he had pet rats,” Virgil quickly made up. No one had ever asked about the necklace like that before.

“And what did you send him?” Logan asked with a gentle smile.

“I gave him a… spider… because I really liked black widows that year,” Virgil felt like he was falling through the sheets and floor into an abyss, notecards fluttering around him with everything he said about Remus inscribed on them in accusing red dripping ink.

“What was it like dating-”

“I don’t know. It was fun. But he was a terrible kisser with that dumb mustache,” Virgil answered, remembering the horrible nightmare from the night of their picnic date.

“What?” all of a sudden Logan sounded hostile and disbelieving.

Shit.

“What?” Virgil replied, confused by the negative response.

“You kissed him? I thought I was your first kiss!”

Oh. Shit.

“I mean-”

“And I thought you said you never met him in person- how would you know how he kissed?” Virgil gulped for air, wounded by the accusation and hurt in Logan’s voice.

“Logan, please-”

“Why would you lie and say I was the first? That kiss was so special to me- it was my first! Why would you lie about it?” Virgil’s panic threw him into cold numb paralysis when Logan sniffed and wiped at his cheek.

Shit. Shit. SHIT.

“Lo, you wer-”

“Virgil, I-”

Virgil broke, shouting, “REMUS ISN’T REAL!”

The room was tense and quiet for a horrible moment. Somewhere down the hall, a group of guys broke into laughter that felt a galaxy away.

“ What? ” Logan’s voice sounded disbelieving, small, and broken, and Virgil had never seen him look so confused or panicked.

Virgil sobbed and took a breath, the weight of everything crashing down on his chest and making it hard to breathe or think. He confessed, “You were my first kiss because I made Remus up. I never met anyone online or had a boyfriend in high school. Logan, I am so sorry… Remus… isn’t real.”  

Chapter Text

“Heyyyy, Virgie!”

“For the last time, leave me alone,” Virgil groaned and tried to ignore the ever-present girl tailing him towards class. 

“But you’re my boyfriend! Why would I leave my boyfriend all by himself?” she asked in a voice dripping with false concern and concealed malice. 

Virgil took a deep breath and turned to face her, “because I broke up with you last week, Jan! Fuck off!”

“No you didn’t,” she scoffed.

“Yes, I did,” Virgil turned back towards class.

“You didn’t break up with me. We’re still dating," Jan lied effortlessly. 

“I broke up with you and told you-” Virgil stopped suddenly in the hall, causing Jan to run into his back and jolt him a few steps forward “-well you remember.”

“Oh Virgil, you’re not gay-”

“Keep your voice down!”

Jan rolled her eyes and stepped closer to whisper. Virgil shuddered at the closer contact. “I told you. You aren’t gay because you’re dating me. I’m a girl, Virgil. You can’t be gay. I don’t believe you. And since you don’t have a good reason to not be dating me…” Jan bumped her eyebrows at him and Virgil made a gagging noise, shoving her away and continuing toward his locker.

“Jan, I am not telling you again. Leave me alone. We’re done- we’ve been done.” Virgil redoubled his efforts to ignore his ex, opening his locker to switch out his books for Trig class.

“Why are you such a liar? Are you trying to hurt me, Virge?”

Virgil groaned again, dreading the face on the other side of his locker door. He wondered if skipping the rest of his classes for the rest of the semester would be worth it to avoid her. He just needed to get a new schedule that she didn’t have memorized. Except she would find him. Jan always found him. Virgil stared at his backpack and heard a familiar laugh that made his heart leap inside his chest. Roman would never ever consider him anything different than a friend if Jan kept hanging around insisting she and Virgil were still dating. 

The thought of never having a chance with his crush over a cover story relationship nearly brought tears to his eyes. And so he let it, necessity being the mother of deception. Jan was already calling him a liar anyway.

Virgil started to cry softly, letting crocodile tears build in his eyes before turning to face Jan again. “Please. Please leave me alone, Jan. Especially today.”

“Virge… Virge, what’s wrong?” she asked with sudden alarm.

“It- Jan, I’m so sorry I never told you... It was a year ago today. I just miss him.”

“Miss him? Who? Virgil, what are you talking about?” Jan took a hesitant step back and it took everything in Virgil to keep up the act and not celebrate yet. 

“My.. my secret boyfriend. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you. He died. In a car accident. A year ago. I- I never told anyone about him but- it hurts. I miss him,” Virgil quickly fabricated.

“Secret boyfriend?” Jan’s eyes went wide, “you really are-”

“Yes. I told you. I’m gay and I had a boyfriend while we were together. I’m so sorry. I- I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. But then he died and there didn’t seem to be a reason to tell you. But I can’t lie to you anymore, Jan. I’m sorry.”

“Oh. Virgil I-”

“I understand if you’re mad and never want to talk to me again. I deserve the punishment of never having you in my life again,” Virgil interrupted quickly, blinking more tears out and wiping his eyes on his hoodie sleeve. “We should really both be getting to class.”

“Virgil, I never knew. I’m sorry for doubting you…. What was his name?” Jan gave him a piercing stare as though she had already caught on.

Shit.

Virgil blanked on every possible boy’s name in existence. His brain was screaming just trying to come up with something that couldn’t be suspect. Too common like John or Mike and Jan would call him on his bullshit on the spot but too unique and-

“Remus.”

“Remus? What kind of name is that?”

“A good name that belonged to the boy I loved! I have to get to class. Goodbye.” Virgil pushed past Jan and ran to get to Trig before the bell. He slid into his usual seat next to Roman and just tried to figure out what the hell he’d gotten himself into.

“Psst.” Virgil jumped at the unexpected noise from next to him. “V, have you been crying? What the fudge did Jan say to you?”

“Uhhhhhh tell ya later, Ro.”

Virgil spent the rest of class frantically writing down every detail he could remember telling Jan so he could repeat it to Roman after class.

“It just kept growing every year. I think Jan always knew it was a lie so I was convinced I had to make Remus more real to get rid of her. I went so far as to buy the necklace at a garage sale and made fake text message screenshots just so Jan would believe I had cheated on her with a dude she didn’t know. I had been trying to break up with her for months before I actually did, and even then Jan wouldn’t leave me alone. So I made up an emotionally traumatizing story she’d want nothing to do with. And it worked. Too well.” Virgil gulped and looked Logan in the eyes, “Logan, I am so sorry. I never meant to lie to you- or even to keep the lie going this long. I honestly hoped Roman would have forgotten this year but… well, he’s just that good of a friend. You have every right to be upset with me. I’m sorry.”

Virgil bit at the ends of his hoodie string, wanting nothing more than to pull the hood tight around his face and disappear. He watched Logan’s face for any sign of a reaction and also decided to never play poker with his likely soon-to-be-ex boyfriend. Logan nodded almost imperceptibly and Virgil barely had time to dodge the first swing of the pillow.

“You ASSHOLE!”

“Lo-”

“Shut up!” Virgil opened his mouth to protest only to get squarely hit in the jaw this time. “I said SHUT UP, YOU ASSHOLE!”

Virgil nodded frantically and curled up on the bed, waiting for Logan to say his fill.

Logan took a deep breath, staring Virgil down and holding the pillow up as a threat of further violence, “that was so manipulative! And you’re going to blame Roman for ‘forcing’ you to keep lying? No. You're the one who decided to lie to all of us. Why couldn’t you just tell Roman when your ex-girlfriend wasn’t around? Why keep up this pointless pity party for four whole years? Where’s Jan now? How do I know you didn’t make her up as an excuse for your first lie? Virgil, why the fuck would you do any of this??” Logan fumed, not letting his voice get any louder than a normal conversation voice. Each question pierced Virgil with a serrated blade. Of course, there was a logical course of action he never thought to take. “How can I trust you?”

“Because I came clean?”

“You got caught. That’s not the same, Virgil. I can’t believe you made me take care of you while you were play-acting at grief over a death that never happened. Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry!”

“Sorry isn’t enough.”

Virgil buried his face in his hands, wracking his brain for some way to prove the truth. He looked up suddenly, “Roman knew Jan. You can ask him about her. And I’m pretty sure she’s on Facebook. You can ask her yourself. I lied about Remus because I didn’t want anything else to do with her.”

Logan clicked his tongue and tossed aside his pillow, “perhaps so. Still, this was a completely asinine stunt to pull. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to actually trust you again.”

"I'm sorry. Please, Logan, let me earn your trust back. I would do anything to fix this."

"I don't know that you can."

"I promise it will never happen again!"

"What good are your promises? Virgil, you don't understand. You lied to me! I can't just-"

"Uh, are we interrupting something?" Both Logan and Virgil turned to see Roman-who had spoken- and Patton gaping at them from the doorway. 

Chapter Text

"Uh, are we interrupting something?" 

Virgil drew the strings of his hoodie out, obscuring his face and giving himself even the smallest hint of protection from Logan’s rage and Roman and Patton’s shock. Everything was going so wrong today. 

“Yes!” both he and Logan replied, reassuring neither of their friends.

“Should we come back later?” Patton asked in a small, scared voice.

“Yes pl- No. Actually, come in,” Logan gestured for the two to enter but they stood in the doorway, uncertain what to actually do. Virgil silently wished Logan would just let them go so they could talk about it privately. After a long moment of hesitation, Logan walked over to the door and physically pulled both of their friends inside, and shut the door behind them. 

“What’s going on here? It sounded… really personal,” Roman asked, staring between the two as he took a seat backward on Emile’s desk chair. Patton moved to sit next to Virgil on the bed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Logan adjusted his glasses and looked Roman over, “actually, I had some questions for you, Roman.”

“Me? I mean, sure anything. What do you want to know, Specs?” Roman chuckled nervously, glancing at Virgil in his bewilderment. 

“You’ve known Virgil since middle school, correct?” Logan stood stiff and tall, starting his interrogation.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, we’ve been best friends for a long time now,” Roman nodded quickly.

Logan nodded in acknowledgment, “good. Did Virgil have a girlfriend in high school?”

Roman looked a bit surprised at the question, “oh! Did he tell you about Janice? She was the fricking worst- don’t worry, total decoy date. Is that what this is about? That bitch, Jan?”

Virgil shook his head with a moan, “I told you, Lo,” he muttered softly as Patton rubbed his back.

“Are you okay, kiddo? You seemed pretty happy when I left…” Patton asked quietly.

“Quiet, Virgil. I have lost all patience for you,” Logan interrupted icily, taking a long breath before turning back to Roman, “and did Virgil have any other relationships in high school?”

“Ah.. no. Other than… well… Remus, but he died freshman year. After Jan, we both focused more on school than all that drama.”

“Logan, please-”

Logan hushed Virgil with an angry finger, “thank you, Roman. Virgil, you said you would do anything. Tell Roman, what you told me.”

Virgil pulled his hood off and stared at Logan in disbelief, “no… you wouldn’t- Logan, please don’t do this-”

“Well, Virgil, I thought you would never lie to me but we both know that isn’t true anymore. You want me to trust you again? You’re going to come clean. And you’re going to start with telling Roman and Patton. Or we can just be done.” Logan glared at Virgil who withered under his gaze.

“Virge? What’s he talking about? Why would you lie to your boyfriend?” Roman turned and asked with concern. He gasped, “are you not actually gay?”

“What? I’m definitely gay- uh,” Virgil threw a desperate glance at Logan who only shook his head sternly, “okay. Fine. Um.. sooooo.. Roman… I… I- I made up Remus. I never met or dated anyone online and I definitely never knew anyone who died like that. I am so sorry for lying to you all these years,” Virgil rushed out his confession, trying to rip the revelation of his deception off like an old bandage, and hung his head in shame. 

Patton gasped and Roman blinked a few times before responding, “oh… oh. Well, we were always the dramatic ones, weren’t we? I’ll just be striking that from my calendar…” Roman pulled out his phone and both Logan and Virgil stared at him in disbelief.

“He lied to you for four years and that’s all you have to say?” Logan fumed, voice rising in volume with each word.

“Yeah… sure you don’t want a new roommate? A turn with the pillow? We’re cool?” Virgil asked incredulously.

“What can I say? It never sounded quite right, but I wasn’t going to challenge your story because you seemed really sad and as your best friend I just needed to trust you,” Roman shrugged, “I mean what does it really change? And it’s not like I’ve never lied since I met you.”

Virgil breathed a little easier and leaned into Patton, “and I’m sorry for lying to you, Pops.”

“It’s okay, kiddo. I forgive you,” Patton murmured easily.

Logan looked like he was about to blow a fuse, “fine. They might go easy on you, but you’re not done confessing, Virgil.”

Virgil felt as his breath caught in his throat. Logan pulled out his laptop and came over to sit next to him on the bed. He quickly pulled up Facebook and logged out of his profile before turning the computer to Virgil.

“You’re going to tell everyone you ever told about Remus that you lied for their pity and attention. And you’re going to tell them all while I watch,” Logan insisted with a hard voice, pointing to the login.

“Logan, be reasonable about this,” Patton tried to push the laptop away, “I know you’re upset but this seems a bit… much.”

“No, he’s right. I can’t earn trust if I’m not willing to be honest now,” Virgil gulped and grabbed the laptop, quickly signing into Facebook, “how do you want me to do this?”

“Oh, I can’t watch this. Come on, Pat. We can come back later. See if they’re even still dating,” Roman stood and beckoned for Patton to follow him. 

Patton looked to Virgil, “are you gonna be okay, kiddo? You don’t have to prove yourself any more than you already have.”

Virgil shook his head, “you’re not the one I hurt, Patton. Go. I’ll be fine.”

Patton nodded and slid off the bed, joining Roman at the dorm door before they both left, leaving Virgil and Logan alone.

Logan pulled out his phone, tapping his foot impatiently, “alright. Make a group chat with me and everyone you’ve lied to about Remus. Everyone.”

Virgil gulped but nodded, going through his friend list and adding about 2/3rds of it to the chat. A few confused messages popped up from people he hadn’t spoken to since before graduation, wondering why they were all being added to the chat. He saved Jan for last as Logan watched over his shoulder.

Once he’d added everyone he could conceivably remember telling, Virgil looked at Logan and took a deep breath before typing out his confession. Logan read each word and nodded his solemn approval. Virgil avoided mentioning why he told the lie, but once he was finished he looked to Logan for last-minute clemency but was met with a hardened look. He took one last deep breath and hit send. 

What followed was an anticlimactic chorus of disinterested acceptance. Most of Virgil’s friends shrugged the confession off. Virgil really started to wonder why he had felt so pressured to keep the lie going for so long. 

And then Jan sent her response.

Jan: Well that makes sense. But why are you telling us now? And in a group chat?

Virgil inhaled, not sure how to answer when Logan started typing quickly on his phone.

Logan: Hello, I am Virgil’s current boyfriend. I found out about this falsehood and told him he had to confess to the lie. 

Suddenly the chat changed from disinterested to enraged, with several people attacking Logan for trying to hurt and embarrass Virgil over nothing. Virgil watched as Logan grew more frustrated, typing furiously.

Logan: You don’t understand. I had to spend the whole day with him mourning someone who never even existed! It was a horrible, manipulative lie and you all deserve to know the truth.

This did nothing to calm down anyone. At least two people told Virgil to break up with the “asshole” and most left the group chat. Virgil sighed in relief, having expected much worse. A private direct message popped up on his screen from Jan.

Jan: i knew it :) liar <3 i might even consider taking u back if he does break up with u

Virgil rolled his eyes and blocked her before turning to look at Logan. Logan sat on the edge of the bed rereading through the chat log.

“Hey… I’m sorry they yelled at you. I didn’t expect that at all,” Virgil spoke softly. 

Logan looked up suddenly as if remembering he wasn’t alone in the room, “I just- you lied to so many people… why am I the only one who cares?”

Virgil shrugged, “maybe because you care about me more than anyone. It actually took something from you to be lied to… Logan, I am sorry. I’m sorry for destroying your faith in me. That was humiliating, but I kinda deserved it.”

Logan sighed and set his phone on the desk while Virgil set the laptop down on the floor. Virgil decided to take a chance and offered Logan his hand, palm up. After a moment’s hesitation, Logan linked their fingers together, not making eye contact with Virgil. 

“Can we actually talk about this now? I really do want to earn your trust back and repair the mess I made,” Virgil asked softly. Logan nodded and squeezed his hand, which Virgil took as an encouraging sign.

“Did I ever tell you about my grandfather?” Logan asked quietly after a long silent moment. Virgil shook his head and squeezed his hand to encourage him to tell him more. “He died when I was fairly young. Young enough that my family assumed I wouldn’t remember or be affected by it. Except he used to babysit me all the time and told me nap time stories about the constellations and well, long story short- I remembered him and I cared so much that he was gone. It devastated me, but my parents refused to acknowledge that the loss was affecting me.” 

Virgil listened quietly as Logan spoke, feeling like a worse and worse human being with each breath, “Lo, I- I can only imagine how much that must have hurt.”

“Exactly. Losing someone you’re close to is unfathomably painful. Not a trump card or excuse for shitty behavior.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll never be able to apologize enough for trivializing your pain,” Virgil started to pull his hand away but Logan held him fast and turned to look him in the eyes.

“Virgil, I know you never set out to specifically hurt me. I’m sure you felt justified at the time.”

“I felt trapped. And again, when I lied to you I felt trapped by the years of telling that story. People finally paid attention to me when I told them about it and well… it’s hard to trust that they’ll still care if you just… don’t have a tragic backstory. It was wrong,” Virgil shook his head, “I can see that now, how it hurt you. It says so much about you that we’re still talking right now. You’re a better person than I could be.”

Logan leaned against Virgil’s side, “I would be hurt again if I lost you over this. Maybe I’m being too forgiving because of that.”

“You absolutely are being too forgiving and you haven’t even tried to- I won’t ask you to forgive me, Lo. Not yet. Do you want space?” Virgil asked, adamant on giving Logan anything he needed.

“I want to be able to trust you again,” Logan murmured.

“What do you need me to do so you can trust me?” Virgil traced a circle on the back of Logan’s hand.

“I thought… I thought if I exposed you… I wanted it to hurt you…” Virgil leaned into Logan as he spoke, sounding almost startled at his own words, “I- tried to get revenge… even if they all got mad at you I would have been upset that they were hurting you over a mistake. Virgil, I messed up. I’m sorry.”

“Believe it or not I know how that feels,” Virgil chuckled, drawing slow circles, “ and I do think I needed to do that. I can’t hide behind Remus anymore,” Virgil reached into his pocket and brought out the rat necklace, “how should I get rid of this? I’ve always thought it looked creepy.”

Logan barely smiled, “that’s it. You must destroy the evil in the fires from which it was forged.”

“You’re such a nerd. Only if you come with me to Mount Doom,” Virgil giggled and brought Logan’s hand to his lips for a soft kiss.

Logan grinned, “I love you, Lightning. Always. You can’t scare me away as easily as Jan. And I will forgive you, eventually.”

Virgil blushed and flipped his bangs down over his eyes, “good thing I don’t wanna scare you. I love you too, L.”

When Patton and Roman finally ventured back to Logan’s room, both were rather relieved to interrupt the couple not fighting but sharing soft kisses between whispers of conversation. A few days later Logan and Virgil decided on just dropping the necklace in the wishing fountain at the local mall, the silver rat soon lost among quarters and pennies, and a thousand dreams sunk in the water.