Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“So we’re going to be working with Dynamight’s agency on this case, specifically the number two hero himself so no back talking-”

“Seriously?” I snark under my breath. 

One of the sidekicks looks at me, their eyebrows lost in their face guard. Shooting them a look to back off, I can feel a growl in my throat at the mention of Baku-go-kill-myself. Midoriya finishes up the meeting and rolls his shoulders back, letting out a long sigh after everyone leaves. My boots echo on the ground as I stalk towards the fellow pro, even if he’s a good foot taller than me. 

“Seriously Deku? You’re really gonna have him work with us?” I can’t help the hellfire in my voice and I see his emerald eyes narrow at me. 

“Ripple you’re gonna have to get over it. It's been five years since UA and somehow you’ve managed to avoid him in the field,” he tells me, stacking up the paperwork scattered across the conference table. I fold my arms over my chest with a huff, toying with the edge of my body suit. My skin itches from the anxiety and suddenly I want to go get another tattoo to take the edge off. Midoriya clears his throat, pulling my attention away from the white cape that teases his ankles. 

“Ashina, I know what this is about,” his voice is low as he murmurs under his breath. Hair green as grass falls into his face and I struggle to keep eye contact with him. My ribs have become a cage for my rabies ladden heart as it jumps in its prison. 

I scoff. “No you don’t,” I growl trying to keep my mind from thinking back to high school. The need to bounce my foot pricks my brain and I straighten up as an attempt to leave. 

Leveling the papers on the table with a clack, Midoriya looks at me with a cocked eyebrow. My body feels tense and I make the decision to go box before I head home for the night to get rid of some of the angst in my veins. Seeing that Midoriya isn’t going to change his mind, I turn on my heel and head out of the room. 

“You two are more alike than you know.”

My body halts as if I was shot, which in my head, I was. Clenching my teeth together, I resist the urge to hit Midoriya with the table using my quirk even if I know it wouldn’t necessarily hurt him. Instead, I whip around trying to contain my fury in my clenched fists, relishing in the dull pain. 

“Don’t ever compare me to him Izuku,” I spit at him. The feeling of my chest caving in on itself pulls me out of the room after seeing Midoriya’s horrified expression at my use of his first name. Getting shot would hurt less than this. I shake my head at the thought, knowing that I’ve kept those tendencies locked away for over five years. 

Because you don’t see him anymore. Not you again. 

A pounding sprouts up behind my eyes at the demeaning little voice that decided to rear its ugly head again. Finally getting to the locker room, I grab my gym bag, changing out of my hero costume and into a pair of workout clothes, but with the ever growing amount of anxiety at seeing Bakugo soon, I throw a sweatshirt over my head before heading out to the training room. Glancing at the boxing gloves hanging over some equipment, I decide to just tape my hands, my subconscious reminding me that the physical pain will help clear my mind. Once the black tape covers my knuckles I turn on the quirk erasing lights and head over to the punching bags.

The room is dark except for the purple quirk lights and the few emergency exit signs. Rather than using the sound system, music attempts to deafen my thoughts but all I’m left with is bullets against a tidal wave. A hard punch sends pain induced tingles up my arm and I splutter a colourful string of cursing as I rub my hand. 

You won’t be able to avoid him.

Shut up. 

You’ll have to talk to him. 

I said shut up. 

He’ll only remind you of-

“Shut up. FUCK,” I scream into the darkness before turning to the wall next to me and sending my fist through the plaster. Destruction floats in the air, mocking me in it’s lightness while I realize that I might drown from the onslaught of thoughts. With a crunch, I remove my hand from the wood, cringing at how the white sticks to crimson blooming through the tears in the tape. 

“Fuck,” I mutter at my stupidity. Music battles with the stupid voice in my head as I go turn off the erasure lights to fix the wall. It only takes a quick slide of my hands, but the plaster manages to cling back to itself in a rough scar. A sigh paddles around my aching head as I realize Midoriya won’t let me forget this. Thankfully there’s no blood on the wall as I cradle my hand to my chest, feeling it grow warm with pain. I roll my eyes at myself and head out of the training room. 

Thankfully there’s hardly anyone in the building as I make my way back to the locker room to grab my stuff. Right now, only the shower back at my apartment sounds bearable. The tape peels off like a black scab, blood oozing from the split skin and I quickly wrap it up in a loose bandage just so I can get home without bleeding everywhere. 

Add this to the list of reasons why he wouldn’t want to care. 

My bottom lip quivers at the voice, suddenly remembering a time where someone would help me patch up injuries after hard training days. I shake the tears away and clench my jaw. I just need to get home. Stuffing my civilian clothes in my duffle, I sling it over my shoulder and head out to the garage, my head covered by my hood. The ride is quiet since I don’t bother to put on any music as I speed through the streets to my building. 

The elevator doors ding open and I rest my head on my front door as I unlock it, allowing myself to fall through the entryway. My chest heaves and I turn to flip the lock, trying to keep it together for another few minutes. I drop my duffle only a few feet past the doorway into my bedroom, my sweaty clothes trailing behind me to the bathroom. 

I can’t help the torrent of sobs that echo around me in the shower, my body slumped against the cold tile like a dead fish. The hot steam rolls around me but I can’t help but feel cold dread over the next few weeks. 

Just his face will remind you of what happened. 

Groaning, I debate on whether or not it’s worth it to slam my head against the tile a few times for good measure but I remind myself that’s what got me into trouble years ago. My chest suddenly feels tight and a nasty set of coughs wrack my body. 

“Mr. Aizawa?” My voice is small, as if a child had taken over my body and was going to ask for its toy back. My homeroom teacher casted his gaze over to me from the stack of papers on his desk. 

“What is it Ashina?” He asked. His voice was as deep as the purple under his bloodshot eyes. I wrung my hands together from the anxiety in my veins. 

“You mentioned the Hanahaki law in class today, but I was confused on what it was about,” My heart thumps in my ears, trying to out match the headache. 

He took a deep breath and casted his gaze to his folded hands. 

I finally manage to get myself washed up and out of the shower. My eyes look somewhat sunken into my pale skin and I gently press moisturizer under the bags. Despite the steamed up mirror, I look over my appearance only to find what resembles a splintered piece of wood ready to break where I stand. 

Another failure. 

I can’t help but let my head drop forward, dragging my wet hair across my bare back as the voice berates me. It takes a good amount of mental strength to push past it, forcing myself to get some sleep before work tomorrow. 

Chapter Text

“Why do you look like you only got four hours of sleep?” My intern Hasiko asks me as she hands me a coffee with a concerned look. 

“Because I did,” I groan, letting the warm liquid swish around my mouth before swallowing. “Besides, Bakugo is coming in today.” My faux sincere tone on his name makes Hasiko’s green eyes widen with shock. 

“She doesn’t like him,” Shinba cuts in, “Something about their time at UA or whatever. I never got around to getting the full story out of her.” He jabs me in the ribs with his elbow. I shy away from the sidekick, not wanting to cut my body suit so early in the day from his blades. 

“Hey, there’s no point in sulking in the past,” I rebuke, trying to find a way to get the attention of these two off of me as much as I love them. 

“Yet you still hate him all these years later,” My head turns to see Midoriya walking towards us with a flashy swish of his cape. I won’t lie, his hero costume has always been the best in my opinion. 

“Okay is it hate on Ashina day or something? If I had gotten the memo I would’ve stayed home.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t, given the meeting today,” Midoriya comments and I slump over on the desk I’m sitting at, a huff of air as my response. 

You always run from your problems. 

I sit straight up as the voice echoes in my head, earning a cocked head from Hasiko. Her purple hair falls into her face slightly, blocking her grassy eyes. Not here, I won’t open the floodgates now after all this time. 

“Anyways!” I exclaim, trying to push the conversation away, “Did the recon last night get anything?” 

Midoriya shakes his head, folding his arms over his broad chest and I see Hasiko’s cheeks redden just the slightest. I keep a chuckle to myself. 

“Nothing that we didn’t already know-”

A loud boom followed by a series of crashes and glass shattering cuts off the Pro and causes all of us to turn our heads towards the entry of the building. My skin prickles as if the air had shifted around me and a hand squeezes on my lungs, forcing whatever air I had left to be stolen. I need to make that tattoo appointment ASAP. Hasiko and Shinba share a quick glance as we hear the haunting footsteps of the number two hero coming down the hall. 

“This is scarier than I thought,” Hasiko mumbles under her breath and I can vaguely see her shoulders shaking with anxiety. As much as she’s been around quite a few heroes while working with me, Katsuki is another beast even for other Pros. If I hadn’t graduated with him, it would’ve been somewhat normal that I actively avoided him. 

Resting a hand on her padded shoulder, I send her whatever confidence I could muster despite my own anxiety pumping through my veins. One of his gauntlets comes around the corner first before I see his classic blond spikes. The unsatisfied smirk still sits proudly on his face and I have to turn away when I roll my eyes at the fact that he really hasn’t changed. Midoriya clears his throat and I turn back around to find him glaring at me, his quirk’ s lightning almost visible in his eyes. Steeling myself against him, I cross my arms over my chest and look back over to Katsuki. 

Crimson eyes dart across the four of us but as soon as his connect with mine, the black hole in my chest opens. Is it possible to bottle up feelings and put them on the mantle? Or do I have to feel like a broken bottle on the side of the road whenever I’m around him?

I suck in a deep breath and attempt to become a secondary character in whatever tragedy story is unfolding in front of me. 

“Deku,” He spits but still manages to shake Midoriya’s hand with some semblance of maturity but I chalk it up to being in the presence of others he didn’t know. 

“Kacchan it’s good to see you,” Midoriya’s face lights up at seeing his old friend and even his sunshine voice makes the corners of Katsuki's mouth turn up a bit. I know they had mended their relationship back in high school but I didn’t think they were close. Honestly when Midoriya ever started talking about Katsuki, I would let my brain float away. 

He would never tolerate a coward like you. 

Damn bitch can I get one second to think without you running your mouth?

“This is one of the sidekicks here, Shinba and Ashina’s newest intern Hasiko.” The two of them wave, Hasiko’s hand shaking much more than Shinba's when Katsuki goes to shake their hands much to my surprise. 

“Ashina,” His voice is softer than I imagined when he addresses me, his hand outstretched in my direction. 

I cast my eyes to the ground in an attempt to seem uninterested but shake his hand for pleasantries. His fingers rub against the black bandages on my hand and I’m painfully aware of my mistake from last night. 

“Dynamight,” I respond curtly and I can hear Hasiko suck in a breath at my use of his hero name. Katsuki's grip on my hand tightens for a split second, causing me to raise my eyes to his. Narrowing them just the slightest, I tempt him to try something as if I would even want to control the bloodlust that he curdles in my veins. He lets go, looking away quickly. Thankfully, the haunting feeling I have washes over me after Midoriya and him are walking away, Shinba and Hasiko following the two like puppies. Even I can admit that they look good for the two stupid kids I knew back in high school. It’s hard not to look at how Midoriya has his arm thrown over Katsuki's shoulders, laughing about something. My mind flits to All Might, wishing I could take a picture of this and send it to him. 

“Young Ashina why are you fighting with Bakugo?” I avoided All Might’s intense stare by looking down at my shoes. 

“He got on my nerves I guess,” I mumbled feeling how seized my chest got when I uttered his name. Blood dripped off my fingertips. 

“Remember child, you have to report any symptoms of Hanahaki. It’s easy to develop at this age but it can also be remedied if caught early enough.”

I shake my head of the memory, swallowing whatever feelings that had risen in my throat with the rest of my lukewarm coffee. Tossing it in a trashcan, I follow after the others towards the conference room. By the time I slink in, the room is mostly full of our agency as well as those from Katsuki's but a certain red haired loser catches my eye. I can’t stop the stupid, giddy grin as I jump on his back, causing him to burst out laughing. The intern he was chatting with looks like their brain shut down at my attack but they quickly recover. 

“Ashina!” Kirishima’s voice booms and he envelopes me in a classic bear hug, especially with how much he’d grown since our second year at UA. The man was built like a damn tank now that even my vast knowledge of martial arts would get me next to nowhere in a sparring match with him. Of course, he immediately see’s the bandages on my hand from last night and with a fawn’s touch, he takes it in his. 

“You okay? What happened?” He asks quietly and I mentally thank him for not drawing attention to my stupid injuries. My brain flits back to how Katsuki's grip was initially gentle when he shook my hand which makes me wonder if he saw the bandages. 

“Just a training accident,” I tell him, trying to laugh off any concern he might have about me. 

Ah now we’re lying to people again. 

His thumb rolls over one of the deeper cuts and I wince slightly, pulling my hand away. Kiri’s vermilion eyes search my face but I leave it blank, hoping that he’ll take me at literal face value. I really didn’t want to go into detail about how his agency partner was the antagonization of this injury. He slings an arm around my much smaller shoulders, warmth flooding over me. 

“I bet it’s hard having to work directly with him on this case.” I cast my gaze over to the head of the conference table where Katsuki and Midoriya are looking over paperwork spread out. One of his hands is resting on his lean hips and even from over here I can see the annoyance in his expression. 

I shrug my shoulders, feigning indifference. “It’s not the best thing in the world but it’s not like I run an agency with him,” I poke fun at Kiri who smiles his shark teeth at me. But before I know it, he’s looking deeper, a knowing look reflected in his gaze. I want to shrink away since I have a feeling about the intensity of his stare. 

“You can always talk to me Ash, even though I work with him. Besides-” Midoriya calls for all of us to gather around, “-we need to get drinks soon.” Kiri and I head over towards the table before splitting to our agency’s sides with smiles. I slide into the seat next to Hasiko and immediately rest my head in my hand, drumming my fingers on my cheek. Earlier this morning I had decided not to wear my face guard, leaving it in my office for the time being despite wanting to hide behind it’s tint. But as the number four hero, I needed to make a good impression unfortunately. Kiri winks at me from across the long table and I feel my phone buzz a second later. Pulling it out, I see a meme sent from Kiri of a baby shark, causing me to smile and I text him back a happy face. Even though I don’t always spill my guts to him like I did in high school, I know I can always count on Kirishima to have my back. 

Chapter Text

“Recon? I don’t do recon Deku,” Katsuki grumbles as we sit around the conference table. Shoto finally showed up, sitting next to Midoriya while Kiri is the buffer between Katsuki and I. My eyes skim over the files lying in front of me, seeing if there’s a better way to do recon than with Katsuki. 

“Both your quirks are best suited for the situation if it goes sideways,” Todoroki reasons with him but it’s useless. 

He just doesn’t want to go with you. 

I scrunch my eyes shut to try and block out the noise in my head. The three of them continue to argue while a pounding forms behind my eyes and I press the heels of my hands into the sockets with a sigh. 

With a tsk, Katsuki shuts up after finally coming to the conclusion that there won’t be a reconsideration. Slowly, I lift my head back up, wanting to be done with meetings for the day and go on patrol. Midoriya looks between Katsuki and I, causing me to cock my head to the side at what he’s thinking. 

“As lead on this case and that you’re both sitting in my agency, I’m ordering Ashina and Kacchan to spend quality time outside of working on this case.”

“What?” I yell, standing from my chair so fast it falls backwards. Katsuki has done the same and is glaring at me but I roll my eyes as a response. 

“I’m not spending my free time with this loser Deku,” he spits, slamming his hands down on the table in frustration, making me flinch out of habit. Kirishima flashes me a concerned look but I shake my head as a “not now” as I try to level out my shuttered breaths. 

“Midoriya what the fuck ?” The venom in my voice makes his emerald eyes widen for a second before the number one hero comes out as he folds his arms over his chest. His cape flutters behind him. 

“Because I said so. You two haven’t had any interaction for five years so you know nothing about each other or any advancements on your quirks. You two need to be able to work together as a team on this case-” a fog enters my head, drowning out Midoriya as he talks about how Katsuki and I need to work together. Be a team. Together. 

The thought makes me shudder. With glazed over eyes, I watch Midoriya gesture in slow motion as my anxieties well up in my chest, tightening my shoulders and back. 

You can’t avoid him now. 

He’ll realize what’s been going on. 

You’ll have to relive everything. 

I squeeze my eyes shut so hard I see the flashing lights against my skull, wondering if someone could ever look at me like the stars in the sky. The tingly feeling from the pressure shoots down my neck and I open my eyes to see Midoriya looking at me. I slump down in my righted seat, thanks to Kirishima, and rest my head in my hand. 

“Sure whatever.”
Katsuki doesn’t say anything, placing his hand on his hip. It’s weird seeing him in full gear without his mask and his gauntlets. I can see them discarded on the ground next to his chair that’s tipped on its side. My eyes trail over the silver inlined with green, wondering how they’d feel if I tried them on one day. 

Slowly, my brain focuses back in on the conversation which has moved past Katsuki and I’s required time that we have to spend together. I look over towards him again, trying to assess whether I should extend an olive branch after this meeting. A start to these stupid outings. I rub my fingers over the ache in my chest, taking a deep breath to try and stem whatever pain is lingering in my lungs. Kiri glances over at me again but I don’t acknowledge his look since I just want to get through this meeting. 

It takes a few more minutes but Todoroki finally shuts up about the teams for the raid as long as our recon goes to plan. Pushing away from the table, I falter as I watch Katsuki stalk from the room but before I could open my mouth, Midoriya is already calling his name. 

“I’ll be checking in on whether you and Ashina actually meet up!”

You can’t avoid fate.

Shut up. 

A sigh tumbles from my lips and meshes into the black cloud seeping from me. Thicker than a rain cloud yet just as depressing. Kirishima has already followed Katsuki into the hall while Todoroki and Midoriya chat together about where they’ll be going to dinner tonight, leaving me alone. The ache settles into my ribcage. 

Without saying a word, I head out of the conference room and to my office to take a breather before patrol. The distant echo of the red head’s conversation with the blond can be heard but I push my focus past it until someone calls out my name. Turning, I see Kirishima beckoning me over. 

“What’s up Sharky?” I ask, folding my arms over my chest, the same as an uninterested Katsuki. The amount of irritation rolling around him could power my entire apartment building if I could convert it into electricity. 

“You’re going on patrol right now right?”

I nod, not trusting myself to not say something that’ll cause a classic Baku-burst of anger. Kirishima’s face lights up as he turns to Bakugo. At this position, it’s clear how much taller Kirishima is compared to the other Pro. Out of all the boys from our class, Kirishima shot up during the second year and continued to tower over all of us before he topped off at six foot seven. I play with the end of one of my long braids to distract myself from laughing at the realization. 

“Bakugo is going to join you! Start on those meet ups for the case!” 

“The fuck did you just say!” Katsuki yells as my eyes go wide. The cool air of the building pricks at the exposed whites of my eyes while I watch Katsuki set off his quirk in Kiri’s face. My braid drops from my fingers and hits against my upper thigh, catching the two pro’s attention at the movement. Katsuki huffs and crosses his arms over his chest again and I finally realize that he’s got his gauntlets clipped onto his belt against his back. A new addition, nice. 

If you ever talked to him, you’d know already. 

Kiri looks between the two of us with an excited look on his face. It’s ridiculous how someone his size can still look like a cute puppy. My skin prickles and I let out a sigh that notes how much I want to be done with the conversation. 

“If you’re coming with, I’m leaving in 10 minutes. You can meet me in the lobby,” I say curtly and turn on my foot to head back to my office. Half way down the hallway, I can hear Kiri’s excitement intermingled with Katsuki's angry tone and I shake my head. 

I press my back against the door to my office and thank whoever made the decision to put one way windows in my office. My whole body feels like it’s vibrating with the anxiety coursing through me like Kaminari’s electricity. I would take that pain over whatever ache has made home in my sternum. Huffing, I push away from the door and over to my desk, placing my hands flat on the wood. Letting my head sink down, my shoulder blades spike from my back, stretching the tense muscles of my upper back for a moment; my spine cracking softly from the change in pressure. I stand there, debating whether I go on patrol tonight especially if Katsuki could be coming. It’s easy to recede behind the curtain and pretend that the arrows they shoot at you don’t end up piercing your body. A smiling face in a mist of deception. 

Taking another breath, I grab my face shield and settle it on, thankful that the tint will hide my face from Bakugo for the time being. One last time, I roll my shoulders back and head out to my possible doom. My boots echo on the linoleum floor, bouncing around the walls and back into my head, stirring my thoughts to a foamy mess that I could drown in. Much to my surprise, I find Katsuki leaning against the wall, tapping his foot with impatience. 

“Fucking finally,” he mutters and sends me a glare. I let it sink into the ache in my chest and clear my throat of whatever lump that was beginning to form. The two of use head out the double doors and into the chilly afternoon air of three pm. Despite it being my route and not telling him where we were going, Katsuki still strode in front of me, glancing back every so often to make sure I was there. I know he can’t see my eyes that were boring holes into the back of his big head. Scanning over his shoulders, I can’t help but let my mouth drop open slightly at the realization of how he’s filled out. Over the years at UA, we all got stronger and matured, especially Midoriya and Katsuki, but I never noticed how much until right now. 

Once again, you’re the coward who avoided him. 

My jaw snaps shut, my teeth clacking together from the force. I can hear Kirishima and Midoriya in my head telling me to start a conversation to make this interaction worthwhile but anxiety clenches my fists. Only another two hours until patrol is over. 

“Are you coming extra?” My pounding heart stills in my chest for a split second before I look up to Katsuki. 

“After all this time, you still haven’t found a better insult to call people?” I scoff, walking in front of him to continue on my route and turn the corner into the alleyway. He tsks behind me but I can hear his foot falls in tandem with mine. The hole in my chest slowly collapses in on itself, the edges crumbling in the way paint cracks on walls. I suck in a breath, attempting to fill my lungs until they burn in the perfect way and push the ache into some dark corner that I won’t have to deal with. 

Running away. Coward. 

I shake my head to get rid of the thought but feel Katsuki's eyes boring into the back of my skull, making me uncomfortable in my own routine. There’s a feeling of being a stranger to my own life that sits on my shoulders, making me want to storm off. To make him finish the patrol that he didn’t have to come on. 

I’m lost in my own thoughts when suddenly someone grabs my arm. Snapping my head to the side, I see Katsuki's gloved hand wrapped around my bicep, making it look tiny in his hand. His attention held by the back entrance of one of the warehouses in this block, scarlet eyes narrowed in concentration and I can tell just by his grip that his body is rigid with focus. I can’t help but let my eyes widen slightly at his action since it’s so different from what I’m used to. This is a stranger in front of me. 

You never bothered to get to know him after UA. It’s your fault. 

A crash comes from inside and Katsuki's hand leaves my arm as quick as it was there. Lingering warmth settles on my skin and the ache returns with the thump of my heartbeat. He takes the lead as we edge over to the noise but I end up rippling the door so we can enter quietly. I can hear two men arguing as we make our way to the dark room, my breaths short and quiet in the dusty air. They catch one look at Katsuki and bolt. 

I can hear a faint growl from Katsuki but take off after him in our pursuit. My attempts to call out to them so they’d stop are fruitless and only after a quick chase in the alleyways do we finally corner them. Our breaths fill the dusk air as I ripple the metal bracers on my belt into handcuffs until the police arrive. Katsuki stands a few feet away on the phone while I watch the criminals who were dealing quirk enhancers on the black market of course. 

“No I don’t think they’re connected,” Katsuki murmurs to who I assume may be Kirishima, given how blase his tone is. I’ve ever only known him to be loud- to yell and scream at people with no sense of care- so when his voice goes quiet, considerate almost, it’s a whole different person who wears those gauntlets. 

“Hey dumbass, are-” Katsuki stopped and looked down at the ground, clearly uncomfortable in my presence, “-are you good?” I couldn’t help my shock at how quiet he was. Almost as if he didn’t have the strength to be loud. 

“You talked to Mr. Aizawa didn’t you,” My tone was accusatory. I didn’t want him of all people to know. We only had a few months left until graduation, I could survive without his help. 

“I-what?” His brows furrowed. 

“Save it. You don’t need to pretend to care about me.”

It only takes a few more minutes before the criminals are loaded into the vans and taken away, leaving Katsuki and I to finish patrol. There’s a different air around us. I twist the end of one of my braids in an attempt to not feel how thick it is, focusing on patrol of my area. A few civilians wave at us, saying hello to me as we walk by which puts a decent smile on my face. The paint on the walls around the ache in my chest continues to crack and crumble. It hurts. I cough quietly into my elbow, wishing time would move just a little faster. 

By the time we reach the agency, I still don’t know how to say goodbye to Katsuki. We part ways in the lobby with a weird lingering look before he disappears into the men’s locker room. Another sigh is added to the brewing cloud that encompases my brain but I make it into the locker room and slump onto the bench in front of my locker. 

Will you ever get over yourself?

My head hits the metal behind me, it rings out in the empty space and I close my eyes. A dull pain spreads on the back of my head but I push into the feeling and back into tendencies that I’ve managed so well the past five years. But once again, certain circumstances have come to ruin my progress. Gathering up my motivation, I begin to get changed out of my costume when my phone dings from an unknown number. 

[From unknown]: got ur # from shitty hair. deku won’t get off my ass. lunch tmrw, ur buying

A sad smile breaks out over my face as I save the number as Katsuki and send a short ‘ok’ that receives no response back. Of course. As much as I’m surprised that he’s wanting to have another ‘meet up’ so soon after today. Maybe he didn’t count it in his book. It was just regular hero work. I roll my shoulders back before slinging my duffle over my shoulder and grab my car keys to head home. Waving at a few interns who are helping with the graveyard shift, I hop into my car and make the usual drive home.

Chapter Text

It’s two in the morning when I wake up from a dead sleep, the fingers of my nightmare still pulling at my clothes as I hack onto the bedsheets in front of me. The air in my room is frigid, rivaling Todoroki’s ice. Stupid AC. Making my way out of bed, I wrap my arms around me as I head to the thermostat which is oddly set at 62 degrees in my apartment. I turn up the heat and grab a sweatshirt before getting back in bed. My throat aches from the cold as well as the cough and I curl in on myself. The sanctity of my bed has been ruined by the nightmare as I toss and turn within the bedsheets before finally sitting up in frustration. Grabbing my phone and a blanket, I trudge out into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea, the blanket heavy on my shoulders. I can’t imagine how stupid I look-- the number four hero plagued by the same nightmares she had in high school and is unable to get a decent night’s rest after the number two hero reared his ugly head back into her life. 

Pathetic. 

I won’t argue with you there. 

The kettle finally whistles, a loud ringing in contrast to the empty space that I occupy, yet it brings the onslaught of a headache I feel I can never be rid of. Call if the detrimental effects of my quirk, but the pounding behind my eyes never seems to falter. Warm steam wafts up to my face creating a dewy sensation on my cheeks that feel a little more hollow each passing day. You’d never be able to tell in the field or in an interview, my facade is just that good to the outside world. I learned a lot more than just hero training at UA. 

2:42am reflects back at me from the dim light of my phone as I scroll through the news channels before switching to social media. I usually try to stay off of it, but a few recent emails from my marketing assistant that were very strongly worded made me more active. Midoriya and Kirishima were both first on my feed which brings a small smile to my face while I look over their accounts. Both boys had fantastic lives outside hero work, something of which I envied. I clear my throat of the lump forming and swipe away from Midoriya’s engagement post with Todoroki. My DM inbox has a small number one to which I click on, finding a message from Kirishima. 

RedRiot1: [attached account] here’s Bakubros insta in case you wanna stalk him haha 

I click the profile of Dynamight to which I find an onslaught of pictures much to my surprise. He must have a really good marketing team. Scrolling down, I find a recent photo of Katsuki and Midoriya with their arms around each other, smiling. 

“ Idiot finally mustered the courage to propose, now I have a wedding to attend.”

There’s an angry emoji attached to the end of the caption as well as Todoroki’s account tagged. I can’t help but stare at the photo of the two of them, appearing as if the years of bullying when they were kids didn’t exist in this universe. Paint crackles in my chest as I realize that a normal relationship with Katsuki- let alone a type of friends- would be next to impossible. The ache returns and I take a sip of my tea which thankfully is still warm. There are over a hundred photos on Katsuki’s account, some ranging from pictures in his weight room, to selfies with civilians, all of which I scroll through. I’m careful not to like anything; I don’t need Katsuki getting a notification that I’m stalking his account at three in the morning. Lunch later today would be even more unpleasant. Despite the anxiety, I click follow, knowing he probably won’t notice my account in the hundreds of follows he probably gets and swipe out of the app. I release a breath that I was holding and roll onto my side on the couch, pulling the blanket over my shoulder, tucking it under my chin. The large windows in my living room let in the light pollution from the city, even thirty floors up, making my eyes dilate slightly in the dark room. I try not to stare at the clock as the seconds click by, reminding me with every second of my trauma induced insomnia. 

Pathetic. 

Yeah I get it. 

It takes me a second to realize that I fell asleep on the couch when the morning sun bores into my closed eyes. The pink haze from my eyelids startles me for a minute after I come out of unconsciousness but I slowly sit up and stretch, forgetting how uncomfortable this couch can become after a few hours. My joints pop and crack as they settle into regular movement after being cramped for so long. The burn of cold muscles stretching pulls a groan from my lips and I let the blanket fall to the ground as I stand up. My phone tells me that it’s nine in the morning and I only have 30% battery from forgetting to charge it before I fell asleep. A calendar notification pops up on my phone, reminding me that I’m not only supposed to get lunch with Katsuki but that I need to go into the shop for a new tattoo. Just the thought makes my skin prickle with excitement of the needle. 

Plugging my phone into the charger, I make a small breakfast of eggs and toast, sitting down to watch the news for a bit. Setting the plate down on the end table, I dial my artist, putting the phone on speaker so I could start the dishes. 

“Tokyo Tattoo Shop.”

“Hey it’s Ashina, can you grab Ayamoko for me?” I ask the person who answered. I can’t tell who picked up and I need to book something ASAP with Aya before work gets busy. 

“Heyo it’s Ayamoko,”

“Aya! It’s Ash,” I finally get the dishes washed and put on the drying rack. 

“My favorite girl, how are you??” Her voice is a little crackled through the phone, the familiar buzzing of the needle in the background which gets my blood pumping. 

“Oh y’know, surviving,” I joke with a small laugh, recounting how my life took a damn turn after the new case. 

“Hero life treating you alright? I’ll fuck someone up for you if need be.”

I laugh at her threat, knowing she wouldn’t be able to do much to the blond except maybe make him afraid of needles. “It’s alright but it is the reason I need to come in. Been getting the itch again.” I pull up the sleeve of my loose tshirt, finding the black ink that flows onto my shoulder before stopping on my bicep. The day I got it is clear in my head. 

“Oh shit I gotchu,” the sound of pages flipping fills the receiver for a bit before she comes back, “okay-alright, I’m pretty fucking booked but maybe… actually fuck it, you free tonight?” 

It takes me a second to process what she said, but I smile at her crazy nature. “Yes Aya I can come in tonight. After closing like usual?”

“Through the backdoor like criminals.” My laughter fills the room and I nod to myself as I put it on my calendar so I don’t forget. 

“You’re the best Ayamoko, I owe you a drink.”

“I’ll see you tonight hero!” The line ends with a beep and I take a breath, glad I got that scheduled. Plus, if all hell breaks loose with Katsuki today, I know Ayamoko will listen to me rant about his explosive ass. My phone is now upwards of 70% and I tap on the message thread with Katsuki, trying to figure out how to ask where we were going for lunch. 

[me]: Hey since I’m buying, lets go to Sakana on eighth

Delete. 

[me]: where do u wanna go for lunch? Do u need a ride?

Delete. 

[me]: Sakana on eighth, u drive

Delete. I sigh, rubbing my temples at the ridiculous amount of braincells I’m losing over a stupid text. How hard can it be to ask where we’re meeting up and whether someone is getting a ride? My brain whirls at the different routes I can take as well as possible outcomes over one text that I actually get dizzy for a second, dropping to my elbows on the granite countertop of my kitchen island. It’s cool beneath my skin and I let my forehead rest on it for a moment to subdue the growing headache. My eyes feel puffy and my jaw hurts from clenching, probably while I slept on the couch after last night’s nightmare. Rather than trying to decide what text to send, I head to the bathroom to refresh myself and at least get ready for the day. 

I stare at myself in the mirror, a face I hardly recognize anymore. My hands are splayed out on the white marble countertop, elbows and shoulders strained from the tense anxiety contained within them. 

You gonna cry? Pitiful scrap. 

That’s a new one. 

My nose burns with the familiar sensation of crying but I swiftly take a deep breath and wrinkle my nose to chase the sensation away. Now is not the time. But then again is there ever a time? Releasing the breath through my nose, I brush my long hair and settle for two loose braids and some mascara. It’s just Katsuki, so I don’t need to get super dressed up. But rather than getting dressed right away, I decide to spend a bit of time going over emails from my team to be up to date on things and to kill some time. 

An hour goes by before I remember that I never texted Katsuki about our plans today. Pulling my fully charged phone to me, I stare at the screen, my previous ‘okay’ a ghost against the white background. The clicks of the keyboard on my phone go off as I type. 

[me]: Let’s go to Sakana if I’m paying, we can meet there if you want

Before I can second guess myself, I hit send and go back to my emails to avoid staring at the screen like a creep. The ding sounds faster than I can click onto a new email, much to my surprise. My hand shakes a bit as I pick up the phone to read the message. 

[Katsuki]: k i’ll pick u up @12 bc i dont wanna b late

I roll my eyes at his control issues but send my address and a ‘k’ to match his shitty text grammar. Glancing at the clock, I see that I only have about an hour until Katsuki is at my doorstep and will probably be more than willing to drag my ass out if I’m ready or not. I push myself up from the bar and head to the bedroom, throwing on a pair of blacked ripped jeans and an older band t-shirt that I stole from Kirishima back in our high school days. Thankfully it’s still big on me as I stare at myself in the mirror. The outfit isn’t bad by any standards, yet all I can see are the flaws reflected back at me and I tug at the shirt to make sure it covers any noticeable form on my body. My chest is the only exception, sometimes the only thing that my anxiety doesn’t attack, yet—

He would never go for someone like you. 

Disgusting whore. 

How can you be the number four hero?

I shake my head of the thoughts and push the ball of my hand into my sternum as my breaths come out in short shutters. It’s always been ironic how put together I pretend to be as a Pro Hero —someone who’s strong both physically and mentally— and yet I am always cut off at the knees by the voice in my head or the hallucinations or anything else on the long list of things wrong with me. 

You’re a fake. 

“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, rolling my tongue against the roof of my mouth. Flicking my wrist up, my watch tells me I have thirty minutes until Katsuki is here and that it’s 62° outside to which I grab my jean jacket. Slipping my wallet into my inside jacket pocket, I snatch my RayBans from my entryway table and my keys, ready to head downstairs. I sit down for a few more minutes and finish a response to my publicist that I send off before shutting my laptop and head out. 

The building is pretty dead for the afternoon on a Tuesday as I head down to the lobby of the building, giving a small wave to the doorman, Jeremy as I step out into the cool Tokyo air. I place my sunglasses on to both shield the sun as well as cover my eyes from some certain ruby red ones. People mill about on the sidewalk on their day to day activities, unaware of the lives around them. Every time I save someone, it crosses my mind how each person has their own detailed life that they live. That their day was unfolding a certain way and I was the small blip among years of memories and experiences as vivid as my own. 

The loud revving of an engine pulls me out of my thoughts and I turn my head to see a black and orange Bugatti Divo speed up to the sidewalk in front of my building right as my watch turns to twelve. My eyes trace over the lines of the car and even though it’s so Katsuki, I can’t help but appreciate the immaculate design. The tinted black window of the passenger door rolls down and I bend over just a bit to see Katsuki— one hand slung over the steering wheel casually and sunglasses similar to mine perched on his face. 

“Get in dumbass you’re late.”

I stomp over to the car and wrench the door open, thrusting my head into the car. “How the fuck am I late?” Sliding into the car, I try not to gawk at the black leather interior he has. “You just pulled up and I’ve been waiting outside for five minutes, get over yourself.” I fold my arms over my chest and huff. Much to my surprise, Katsuki chuckles lightly and we take off before I can comprehend his reaction. Going probably way over the speed limit, we head towards the restaurant with a tense air in the car cut only by some trash alt artist playing on the radio. My foot bounces with anxiety and I steel myself against the urge to look over at Katsuki. Out of the corner of my eye I can vaguely see that his arm is still up on the steering wheel, his wrist bent just slightly and his long fingers relaxed. He’s wearing a plain black button up with dark wash jeans that look a little too fitted to his muscular thighs. My breath shutters in my chest and I can feel my cheeks heat up a bit at my lewd thoughts, but the ache in my chest returns again. It sinks into my ribcage and makes the smallest breath hurt just enough to make me aware of it. 

Katsuki whips the car into a parking spot near the front and exits the car quickly, leaving me to undo my seatbelt with a sigh to try to calm my nerves. He leans against the hood of the car, arms folded over his chest as he looks out over the street. My eyes trace over his undercut, wondering for a split second if it was soft before I shake my head and press my hand into my burning chest again. I cough into my elbow which gains his attention and I follow him inside, pulling off my sunglasses. 

The waitress seats us at a booth near the back, handing us both menus before she leaves with a smile. I pull the leather bound book into my hands and flip through the pages whilst Katsuki sits back with his arms slung over the back of the booth with a smug look on his face. Our sunglasses sit on the table almost touching from where we both discarded them. Glancing up over the menu, I see Katsuki’s eyes looking me over but I focus my attention back to the daily specials before the book is pulled down. His fingers takes the book from me and he begins to flip through the pages himself, ignoring my protest. 

“Where’d you get the tshirt?”

I look at him incredulously, not only because he stole my menu when there is one sitting in front of him, but also because of his stupid question. 

It’s called conversation, you’d know if you had friends. 

My fists clench under the table and I bite the inside of my cheek for a moment before resting an elbow on the table, my head in hand to appear indifferent. 

“Stole it from Kirishima at the end of second year,” I answer in a plain tone, my eyes flicking around the room. Katsuki doesn’t answer and continues to flip through the menu much to my annoyance despite knowing that I could order without the menu if need be since I come over so often. Soon enough the waitress comes over with a pen in hand to take our order but before I could get a word out, Katsuki takes center stage. 

“Two orders of the rainbow rolls, the Dynamite roll, the Shogun roll, the Viking roll-” My mouth drops open farther with each order he tacks on, though I’m glad that there’s some variety that I can eat since he won’t let me get a word in. Finally, he finishes and hands the menus over to the waitress and looks at me. 

“Also an order of seaweed salad please, thank you so much,” I tell her with an apologetic smile. She nods and heads back into the kitchen area before coming back with two waters for us. 

“Still haven’t learned to let other people talk have you?” I ask sarcastically, folding my hands on the table so I don’t pick at my cuticles. Katsuki chuckles breathily and lets his head fall back onto the booth. 

“I’m actually quite good at conversation. Shitty hair told me what you order from here.”

My eyes widen at his response. Did he ask Kiri what I would like? I huff and lean back against the booth, trying to assess the situation as well as the man in front of me. 

“Alright we’re not here for pleasantries-”

“We’re not?” I interrupt him, my question making his eyes narrow and my heart thumps on my chest. 

“Morana-” Now my eyes narrow at the use of my last name, “Deku is making us do this for the case. I got my own shit to do, so my team is putting together a report of my stats over the last five years to send to you. I’m assuming you’ll be doing the same?”

A stats report? That’s what he considers as getting to know each other? My leg begins to bounce under the table as my anxiety rises slightly. 

“That shit’s all public record. I could have my team conduct a report on you for me, I don’t think that’s what Midoriya means,” I trail off, not wanting to insinuate anything nor get myself in any deeper than need be. Katsuki rests his elbows on the table, looking at me under blond eyelashes as if I’m an open book. 

“What?”

“You have a new scar over your left eye. When’d you get it?” My hand flies up to my face, hovering just above the faint white scar from a nasty episode of dissociation two years ago. I’m surprised he noticed it, let alone knows that it’s recent. I lower my hand and rest my head in the open palm where hundreds of more scars litter the skin. 

“Couple years ago.” I choose to answer his question without going on about how I got it. If he wants to know more, he’ll have to ask. I’m just as unfamiliar to him as he is to me. 

Katsuki rolls his scarlet eyes at my short response but before he could ask me another question, the food arrives. There’s a wide variety spread out in front of us, pushing out sunglasses to the back of the table together, slotted like old lovers against the wall. Surprisingly, Katsuki hands me a pair of chopsticks and pushes a plate of Rainbow Rolls to my side of the table without a word. Hesitantly, I pour soy sauce over the colorful fish and rice before snapping my chopsticks apart. The two of us are silent as we eat until Katsuki gestures at me with a roll of sushi. I give him a questioning look and take a sip of water to soothe my aching throat. 

“Eat it,” he says as if I knew what he was thinking. I gesture to an empty plate with my utensils and go to grab another bite of seaweed salad but before I could pick up the slippery food, the roll sits in front of my face. Cocking my head to the side, I can see Katsuki with an unreadable look on his face, his long fingers holding the sushi out easily before motioning again. I hesitate at first, debating whether to grab it with my own chopsticks or just eat it off of his. That would be weird right?

“Christ Ash, just eat the sushi and stop thinking about it,” his tone is gruff and I narrow my eyes and lean forward to snatch the roll off of his chopsticks with my teeth. The spicy eel hits my tongue first and I scrunch my nose at the taste for a second as I chew. 

Wait. 

Wait. 

My brain processes for a moment at the use of my first name, let alone a nickname that left Katsuki Katsuki’s lips. The surprise surges as I tune into his laughter at my reaction to the roll and I swallow finally. A smile ghosts my face at the sound of his laughter —something most people will never hear in their lifetime— and look down at the table. A mild burning sensation fills my windpipe and I take a deep breath before finishing up the last of our sushi. 

The check is slipped on the end of the table, to which I dump my card on it and stare out at the window while we wait. My foot taps idly under the table and Katsuki is looking at something on his phone. 

“Do you follow HeroTheories?” His questions comes out of left field and it takes me a second to find my answer. 

“How do you know about that?” He flashes me my social media account with a stupid grin. I go to reach across the table for the phone but he pulls back. 

“What the fuck-”

“What, you didn’t think I wouldn’t notice you following me at two something in the morning last night?” He chuckles and goes back to scrolling through my account much to my annoyance. I’m suddenly anxious of anything and everything on that account, even though it’s mostly run by my marketing team. 

“Whatever. I couldn’t sleep last night,” I huff as a response and drop my head into my hand, trying not to glare at the blond across the table from me. There’s a ghost of a smile on his lips which cracks more of the paint around the hole in my chest. 

He cocks an eyebrow as he looks over me. “So you stalked my account?”

“No. I just followed you.”

“Liar.” I don’t respond to him, but I can tell that he knows I'm hiding something behind a false wall. The waitress comes back and thanks us for coming as she drops the check. I nod a thanks at her and go to reach for my sunglasses only to find Katsuki handing them out to me, his own already perched on top of his head. Silently, I take them from him with a nod and follow Katsuki out to the car. There’s a different air between us on the ride back to my apartment. My hands are slotted between my thighs as I process the decent lunch outing we had. 

As usual, the drive back feels much shorter than the ride there as Katsuki pulls up to the curb again. Taking a short breath, I unbuckle my seatbelt and open the car door, only for Katsuki to grab my arm. 

“Don’t forget the report,” he reminds me before letting me go, my arm suddenly cold from his missing touch. I nod and get out of the car, shutting the door behind me. Before I can even turn around to say goodbye, he’s already sped off. 

Chapter Text

“And then he just took off?” I nod while Ayamoko works her needle magic on my leg. The pricking sensation burns good on my skin that has been itching with anxiety for the past few days. I can’t contain my laughter, as much as my chest hurts and I try to keep still for Aya.

She sighs and sits back in her chair, the tattoo gun resting lazily in her dark hand as she looks at me, trying to see if I’m joking or not. She shakes her head. 

“And he’s the number two hero,” she murmurs, which causes me to burst out laughing. Ayamoko begins to chuckle at the statement as well. “Seriously though, you should have his title if that’s how he acts. It’s like he never matured.”

“He’s gotten better than the boy I knew in high school. A lot less angry, I mean we even managed to have an actual conversation.”

“You two argued about how you were gonna switch stats, that’s not a conversation honey.” Aya gets back to dragging the needle across my skin. This time I let her do a piece that she wanted to do, rather than my own design to which she picked twin koi fish. She tried to spout some symbolism to Japanese culture but I was still in my own head, even hours after Katsuki had dropped me off at my building. Snippets of our short conversation rush through my head for me to over analyze, worried that us working on this case together will never work. 

A twinge of pain pulls me out of my head and I look down at Ayamoko in concern. She grins back at me and waves her hand over my leg with a blue glow thus healing the fresh tattoo and saving me weeks of recovery time. Setting the tattoo gun on her sterile table, she grabs a cider out of the fridge, tossing it to me before grabbing one for herself. 

“I’m almost done, just gotta finish the highlights,” she tells me as I crack open the tab, foam rising to my fingertips. 

“No rush, I told you I needed this so take all the time you need,” I reassure her to which she nods. Taking a swig of cold liquid, I lean back in the chair and pull out my phone. Katsuki’s account is still pulled up on my social media to which there is a notification that he posted on his story. It’s a picture of the sushi place, thankfully posted after we had left, with a simple smiley face much to my surprise. I never even saw him take a photo. 

Because you don’t pay enough attention. 

I close my eyes to the voice, focusing on the sting of the needle which makes it recede into its ugly spot in my head. Buzzing fills the empty space between us as my mind wanders through the dark tattoo shop. Katsuki’s smile on graduation day pops into my head much to my surprise causing my chest to burn with something putrid. 

“Aaaand done!” Aya pulls the tattoo gun away from my skin and drops it on the table, taking her gloves off and swiping her hand over my leg one last time to heal the new art. My eyes trace over the classic style of the twin koi’s one in black and one in red. A smile breaks out onto my face at her beautiful work. 

“This is why I love you,” I tell her, my fingers tracing lightly over the reddened skin. She pulls out her phone to take a few photos for her social media, as well as a few fun ones with my whole body included. 

“I’ll send those to you,” her laughter is contagious as she looks over the pictures before my phone dings at her message. I quickly save the photos before returning back to my cider that is growing warm in my clasped hands. 

“So what are you gonna do about Bakubitch?” Aya asks with a chuckle. She kicks her feet up on the chair I was laying on, her Doc Martens dusty from being in the shop. A chuckle rises from my chest at the nickname she uses, not expecting a series of coughs to come up as well. I cover my face with my elbow until the fit stops, looking at Ayamoko with teary eyes from the strain. Her face reflects a scared emotion I don’t want to confront. 

“Ash, is it— a-are you—” 

“No,” I suck in a breath that burns my lungs sweet, “No I’m fine it’s nothing. Allergies or something.” My hand waves in the air as a sign that she doesn’t need to worry. Yet her amethyst eyes are still wide with concern as she looks me over. 

“Seriously Ashina, how long has this been going on?”

“Only since last week-ish,” I say before taking another sip of cider. 

When Katsuki showed up again. 

The voice makes me choke when I go to swallow, the realization causing my throat to close up with fear. Aya rubs my back as I splutter on the liquid, trying to suck in air until the obstruction is finally free of my windpipe. 

“Ash?”

I stare at the ground in horror, my mouth growing dry. “No..” I trail off, not knowing how to explain my realization or the fear that’s causing my veins to shrivel. 

“No?”

“No no no no no no-” my gaze snaps up to meet Ayamoko’s concerned purple hues. “No I can’t have it. That’s impossible, it’s just because of high school, i-it’s remnants, nothing serious,” my words stick together in an endless babble. The room feels like it’s caving in on me, my heart thumping behind my eyes. Two strong hands grip my shoulders and shake me from my stupor. 

“Ash look at me, if this is what I think it is, especially after what you told me happened back at UA, you need to fix it.” I nod numbly to her words, my eyes glazed over. “Go get a hook-up, take some time to get your mind off of it—” 

Pathetic. You didn’t know?

“—it’s not gonna help if you dwell on it—”

Always unlovable, always tragic. 

“—Are you listening to me?”

I blink hard, refocusing on Aya who’s staring at me. 

“Yeah I’m listening.”

She sighs and lets go of my shoulders which slump forward. Taking a seat back in her chair, Ayamoko takes a breath while my body remains rigid. 

“Ash, you’ve dealt with this before, the feelings and everything. Just because he’s working with you doesn’t make it any different. You just gotta do what you always do,” she reasons with me, logic starting to break through the walls my anxiety put up. 

“Right,” I agree with her, falling back into the chair. I don’t actually have feelings for him, it's just what I felt in high school. I’m just reliving it. 

Pulling out my phone, I hop on the first dating app I can find and swipe through some matches. There's an urgency in how fast my thumb slides across the screen along with the shake in my leg that I can’t seem to quell. A few minutes later, I have some potential guys willing for a quick hookup at some point this week. 

“Find something?” Ayamoko asks me, concern still laced in her voice. She rests her elbows on her knees, nestling her head in her hands as she watches me. Her black curls drift into her face.I take a deep breath, trying to satiate the creeping cracks of paint in my chest. Who knew crumbling from the inside out could be so painful? 

“Yeah I got some options. I’ll just do what I usually do. Drink, hookup and let you ink my body.”
Aya laughs at my honesty which brings a sweet smile to my face. The worry has left her eyes, something too beautiful to be tainted by an immense emotion. Even if I don’t get it handled like I usually do, I can’t bring myself to let her worry about me. 

“Best life for the number four hero,” she jokes, throwing her head back as we laugh. A warm sensation rises to my cheeks at her support, no matter how messy my life is. The time reads close to two in the morning and a sigh leaves me as I make the decision to go home. 

“I’m gonna head out. Aya you’re the best,” I tell her, enveloping her in a tight hug. She squeezes me back with a laugh, her curls tickling the side of my face. While she’s preoccupied, I drop quite a few bills on the chair for her sincerity before pulling away. With a wave, I head out the back door as I hear her yell at me about the money but I’m already down the alleyway laughing. 

The building is quiet when I finally get back, trudging with heavy feet into my bedroom before collapsing on the bed. A few of the matches have messaged me and from the looks of it, I might be able to get something in by the weekend. My eyes scan lazily over their photos, the men blurring together with my exhaustion. None of them are anything special. 

None of them are blond either. 

The voice has my body sitting straight up in bed by the intrusion, my phone dumped on the bed next to me out my shaking hands. There’s a burning under my breastbone, putrid and hot that makes me double over with a mewled cry. My stomach lurches while my head feels as if it's been put in the dryer, spinning around and around before I can finally latch my vision onto the Tokyo skyline outside my open window. Labored breaths puff into the sheets that encompass my face, a comforting cage around the facade that’s falling from me. 

My heart is thundering in my chest, each beat louder than the previous to the point where I begin to worry if I’ll have bruises on my ribs in the morning. I finally manage to get my legs underneath me and into the bathroom to wash up, scrubbing my face a little too hard. The sheets are cool to the touch when I slide into them, bunching them in my fists before tucking them under my chin. 

Such a child. 

I huff and roll onto my side towards my previously discarded phone, finding a message from Midoriya to a group of us. 

From ZuZu: got intel tonight, meeting tomorrow at 10am

Most have already liked the message and I do as well before swiping away from any possible distraction from Katsuki. My phone tells me it’s close to three am to which I groan, pressing my face into my pillow for a moment before plugging my phone in for the night. 

The darkness that blankets the room is fickle, the need to feast on my anxieties ever present much to my dismay. Even with the curtains open, the light pollution does nothing to quench whatever omniscient horror waits for my life to go downhill. 

Chapter Text

Kiri throws me a grin from across the room as I let the conference door shut behind me. Despite only getting a handful of sleep, I don’t feel too exhausted as I make my way over, yet he slides me a coffee cup that I am still thankful for. 

“Midoriya had to grab something in the office, Todoroki is taking a call from Denki and I think Katsuki just got off the phone with Best Jeanist so he’ll probably be back soon,” he informs me, the cup tiny in his large hands. My legs are crossed, foot bouncing in the air either from a lack of motion or from the anxiety that it’ll be just us three for a bit. 

“Oh!” Kiri turns to me with a grin on his face, “Midoriya wants us all to spar regularly together, especially you and Katsuki to practice working with fighting styles. He was telling me that the info they got last night might lead us to working in teams or pairs.”

I nod, taking another sip of coffee. “Who ran the recon last night? I thought it was going to be Katsuki and I?” 

Do you actually want to be paired up with him?

A shiver runs down my spine, pricking every nerve ending along its path which causes my body to spasm slightly with it. Thankfully it just appears that I’m slightly cold and I gulp down another swig of coffee. 

“I think it was Midoriya and one of the interns here. Nothing too crazy and you know him— he probably made it some big training event.”

Kiri’s jab at Midoriya makes me chuckle. A creak from the double doors gains our attention as Todoroki and Midoriya walk in. 

“Speak of the devil,” I whisper to Kirishima under my breath, which makes him laugh. Todoroki’s usual plain expression quirks up for a moment in confusion as Midoriya glares at us playfully. 

“Kacchan still on that call?”

“No idea, I assumed he’d be done already,” Kiri’s eyes glance back to the door that slowly edges shut while the pair take the seats across from us. Midoriya is already spreading out files across the table to which I hold my cup in my hands while we wait. The conversation is idle, flitting back and forth between hero stuff and our personal lives. 

“You guys find a venue yet?” I ask the tricolored couple across from me. Todoroki’s cheeks turn pink and he hides his face in Midoriya’s shoulder which makes the latter laugh. A warm feeling at their interaction spreads across my body that I’ve never gotten used to, even after they started dating in our last year at UA. 

Midoriya shakes his head and pushes Todoroki’s white hair out of his face and pulls him up to look at him. Even from here I can see the dusting blush still predominant on his cheeks. After the sports festival during the first year together, it was obvious to everyone except these two that they were in love with each other. Eventually it got to the point where most couldn’t hardly stand being a third wheel with the two of them and Kaminari broke, telling Midoriya and Yamomo telling Todoroki to which an awkward evening dinner with class 1A ensued right afterwards. Thankfully, they got their shit together and started going out. 

“We have a few choices but Natsuo and Fumi want to show us this place in Musutafu. Honestly we haven’t found that right place,” he admits sheepishly and Todoroki pushes his face into Midoriya’s shoulder even farther. Kiri chuckles knowingly next to me. 

“It took Setsuna and I almost three months to find the right venue.” I laugh, remembering how difficult it was for the two of them, even after they asked me to help. Todoroki looks up from Midoriya’s shoulder and smiles to himself. It’s almost as if he’s relieved that it happens to other couples. Putting my coffee cup back down on the table, I play with my fingers in my lap, quiet as the three men converse. 

All alone. How pitiful. 

Do you actually think you’ll ever get to have that conversation?

I can’t help but let my eyes glaze over as the words sink in. As much as I’d thought my heartbeat would speed up from the anxiety, I felt it thump slower as if it were trying to stop itself. Each beat was a hammer against my burning ribs and I felt like I would soon be choking on the ash of a charred heart. 

Another creak from the door pulls my attention from staring at the wooden table, finding Katsuki strutting in usual fashion towards the table. Unfortunately, the only chair left is next to me. He slides in smoothly and sends me a look I can’t decipher, folding his hands on the table. 

He’s annoyed by you. 

He’s had to see you three days in a row now. 

I duck my head and blink a few times to regain focus. Like clockwork, Todoroki and Midoriya begin explaining what was found during recon and next steps. There’s little interruption by the rest of us until the discussion of Katsuki and I’s recon mission is brought up. 

“It's a twenty four hour stake out set up in one of the apartment buildings nearby,” my eyes nearly bug out at the time frame. “Honestly, it would probably be best if you appear in civilian attire and wear your gear underneath. The equipment is already at the building so we don’t need to worry about that.” 

Out of the corner of my vision, I can see Katsuki nodding with each new piece of information as he looks over a mess of files in front of him. Once again, his gauntlets are stashed on the ground and his mask is pushed up into his hairline. His scarlet eyes connect with mine to which I look away with a shuttered breath between my ribs. The ache has returned, coiling in between the bones as if it were a python, squeezing out whatever air existed in my lungs. 

“And we’re going there Friday right?” Katsuki asks, swiping the papers into a neat pile. I lean back in my chair, thinking through the situation as well as possible outcomes. 

“Friday afternoon to about Saturday afternoon yeah. From what we figured last night, it looks like there’s gonna be activity around that time frame,” Midoriya confirms and hands me a set of photos. Each has a small group of people in it clustered around a trashcan fire by another warehouse. It’s clear however, the insignia on the back of their jackets— Motokaisen. I hand the photos over to Katsuki who takes them gently from me, flitting through each one with a steady hand. 

My mind moves to the calendar in my head. Friday is two days away and I’ll be spending twenty four hours with Katsuki in a warehouse on recon. A shudder rolls through me at the amount self control I’ll need to not accidentally murder him. I roll my shoulders back, popping the vertebrae in my spine sweetly. 

“What’s our protocol if things hit the fan?” I ask, sliding one of the files over from Katsuki. The data lists the possible violations the group has as well as an inventory list of illegal drug activity over the past few months. 

“You two are best suited if the situation goes sideways,” Todoroki says, pulling his chimera eyes away from the papers in his hands. I can see his slender fingers rubbing over the corner absentmindedly. Katsuki rolls his eyes at the dual’s response. 

“That’s not what she’s asking Icy Hot. If for some reason we can’t handle it, which won’t happen, what is our back up plan?” He clarifies. I look him up and down at the rational answer, rather than a bar fight across the conference table. As much as the instability has been matured out of him, the same angry tone coats his words like salt. 

“I mean we could have a back up team in the area I guess,” Kiri suggests, leaning on his arm that rests on the table. “A group that’s on call for that time in case things go sideways,” Katsuki lets out a low growl from next to me which makes my eyes widen in alarm. Kirishima throws his hands up in response. “Not that you’ll need our help Katsuki!” 

I can’t help but chuckle to myself at Kiri’s quick boost of Katsuki’s ego who leans back in his chair with a smug look on his face much to my annoyance. Midoriya is scribbling on a piece of paper in front of him and I can faintly make out him muttering like usual. I smile to myself, suddenly reminded of our times at UA. 

“Ash, are you coming to the grad party?” Midoriya knocked on my door. I pulled my attention away from the trashcan in front of me, the floor dug into my knees. The back of my hand swiped across my mouth and I shakily got up. One quick check in the mirror and I opened the door with a plastic smile. 

“Yeah Zu, I just need to get ready. I’ll meet you down there?” Midoriya nodded with a grin but before I could shut the door, I saw Katsuki walking down to the elevator, his hands jammed in his pockets as he stared at me. 

 “Is that all?” Katsuki’s gruff voice pulls me from my thoughts and I look over to him. His legs are splayed across the chair, his hand resting lazily between them. My eyes trace down his long fingers, noticing yellow and plum staining the skin. Healing bruises. I can’t help but furrow my brows in confusion at the marks but shake my head after remembering the explosive man next to me. Human nature can be a bitch. 

“That’s it for now,” Todoroki answers with a sigh. Midoriya nods absentmindedly beside him still scribbling plans as much as I know the greenette. I look over to see Kiri texting on his phone before stuffing it back in his pocket and flashes me a sharp smile which I mirror. A chair scrapes back and I see Katsuki rise, snatching his gauntlets off the ground and nodding at Kirishima. 

“Right, I thought I might join you and Katsuki on patrol tonight,” He says to me, resting his face in his hands. I can’t help but laugh at his giddy expression, leaning back into my chair. 

“Sure. Better than just Katsuki and I.”

“He did tell me that it was quiet.”

I look at him incredulously. “He told you about patrol?” 

“Only that y’all caught those two guys. I had to ask him more about what went down because he kept mum, but he just said you were quiet,” Kiri admits. The two of us stand up and head towards the door. I’m surprised he said anything at all. I shake my head at the thought, trying not to read into it too much. Kirishima mentions that he’ll meet me in the lobby with Katsuki while I drop off some paperwork at my office and get ready for patrol. 

As soon as the door clicks shut, there erupts an overwhelming ache in my breastbone that causes me to grimace while I press on it with the heel of my hand. My breaths come out in short gasps at the sharpening pain that caresses my ribs to the point where I fear they’ll break. The urge to cough and vomit signal my brain at the same time and I double over in front of my trashcan next to my desk, dry heaving. Unfortunately, I am left feeling winded from the ordeal that produced nothing in the waste bin. 

Sitting back on my legs folded underneath me, I rub the back of my neck in the sad attempt to pull myself together before patrol. I can hear the ticking of the clock as well as the fan from my computer under the desk in the quiet office along with my labored breathing. What the fuck is wrong with me? Flicking my eyes to actually read the time rather than listen to it, I thank everything that it’s only been a few minutes. Snatching my mask, I gulp down water and head out to the lobby, praying that things go smoothly. 

Chapter Text

“Is it always this chaotic?” I look over at Kirishima who has a guy pinned under his boot who is thrashing around to get free with no avail. Rolling my eyes, I cinch the restraints around the woman’s wrists in my hands as she snarls at me. 

“I blame you guys. Y’all started coming around with me and you brought out the riff raff,” I comment back, not being easy on how tight I bind her. 

“Another cocky hero eh,” she murmurs before angling her head to look back at me, her green eyes vicious. “Why don’t you go be a bitch somewhere else slut?” She crones at me with a conniving laugh. My knee presses farther into her spine which cuts her laugh off with a choking sound as she huffs for air. 

I lean down to her ear, looking down the alleyway under lidded eyes. “How about you shut it before I have to read you your rights.” The words are sharp on my tongue and her eyes widen with terror at my dominating demeanor. Letting a breath out through my nose, I warp the concrete to entrap her ankles so she can’t run, much to her disapproval as she also begins thrashing. 

Kirishima smirks at me with his arms crossed over his broad chest, the criminal scratching at his boots for some kind of leverage over the redhead. I head over to stand by his side, looking around for Katsuki. Even from over here, I can make out some far away explosions paired with some angry yelling. 

“I think Katsuki found the last guy,” I tell Kiri who also looks over in the general direction. Rather than have Kirishima’s boots take the onslaught of scratching by the criminal, I warp the concrete as well as the dumpster next to him to keep his hands pinned. He cries out and calls me a multitude of vulgar names but before I could even begin to say anything, Kiri punches the guy in the stomach. 

“Don’t you dare disrespect her,” he yells, and I can see how much Katsuki has rubbed off on him over the years. Even if it’s still the same respectful Kirishima, just with a little bit of an angry streak. A smile rises to my face, but I pull on his arm to stop him from berating the criminal to tears. Instead, I kneel down to ground, Kiri looming over me, and look at the criminal with a sadistic smile. 

My fingers brush over his shoulder where I can feel metal in his body— most likely an injury that he never recovered from. His eyes go wide as I begin to slowly ripple the metal to bend inside his arm, pulling at the attached muscles in foreign ways. He screams bloody murder at the intrusion. 

“Anything else you’d like to say?” I ask, pausing my quirk for a moment. Tears spill down his dirty cheeks and he shakes his head violently. I can tell that he doesn’t want to use his voice. With a satisfied smile, I stand up and brush my hands off on my body suit, letting the metal rod return to its normal shape. 

When I turn around, Kiri’s vermillion eyes are wide as they look me over. I shrug my shoulders before pulling out my phone and calling the police. Explosions followed by footsteps alert me that Katsuki has come back. The criminal he tosses next to his companions grunts from the force but before Katsuki could say anything, Kirishima pulls him over and begins gesturing wildly about something. I roll my eyes at the conversation and finish up with the police. 

I roll my shoulders back and crack my tense spine while I turn to face the two pros. They’re both looking at me, Katsuki’s expression slightly more concerning than Kiri’s. 

“What?” 

Katsuki just blinks at me and shakes his head before his dissatisfied expression returns and he crosses his arms over his chest. Kirishima’s face still holds an expression of bewilderment. 

They saw your dark side. 

They know you still have villainous tendencies. 

My breath stutters in my chest for a moment at the voice’s reminder of a memory from years past. 

Tokoyami flew across the sparring match from my attack. My breathes came out heavily and the sadistic smile that comes out when I get too heated has plastered itself to my face. I heard him groan and even Dark Shadow looked concerned for his host much to my surprise. Before he fully got up, I warp the metal that I know sits on his wrists. The cries that emanated from him only fueled my fire. 

“Ashina!” I heard someone call my name but I could hardly care less. The energy from my quirk heated up my veins, making me burn from the inside out with power. Suddenly, the energy was gone and I found Mr. Aizawa staring at me with his quirk engaged. Even from across the gym, I could feel the intensity of his glare. 

My classmates stare at me in shock, a few had gone over to help Tokoyami get up and checked him for injuries. He looked at me from his knees, a type of fear in his eyes that I didn’t like. 

“The uh— the police are on their way to pick up these guys. They should be here in a few minutes,” I say. Anxiety is evident in my voice and Kiri’s eyes soften and he also shakes his head to get himself back on track. I watch as he adjusts his face mask and cracks his knuckles before putting a smile on his face. Katsuki huffs and turns away from the redhead before Kiri slings a large arm around him. 

“Come on Katsuki you must be slightly surprised by how powerful our Ashina is!” I can’t help but smile at Kiri’s kind words. The warm feeling of praise fills my chest but dies out quickly as Katsuki grunts as a response, looking uninterested by the events that happened. 

“She did her job, why does she need a medal for that?” 

My mouth goes dry at his comment and my gaze slowly sinks from his, zoning out on the gravel in front of us. The yells from the criminals as well as Kiri’s argument with Katsuki become muddled as I stare into the ground before flicking my gaze back up. The same two wine colored eyes stare back at me, any sense of sympathy removed from them. 

As if someone took a sledgehammer to the crumbling hole in my chest, I gasp at the white hot burn in my lungs as if I had inhaled freezing air. I whip away from the two men as I hack into my elbow, trying to gain control over my oxygen intake. Kiri’s murmurs over my sudden ailment forces me upright, the plastic facade up faster than Iida as I turn back around. 

Katsuki looks over me, a mild look of concern in his crimson eyes. Even with the wall up, my heart can’t help but flutter painfully at the matured man in front of me. The look fades quickly and I’m left with the remnants of king explosion murder from high school. 

Thankfully, the police show up and break whatever tension had developed between the three of us, even if Kirishima is a walking positivity beacon. We fall into step, Kirishima bringing up the rear while I walk a little in front of Katsuki much to his annoyance. It’s late enough that the bustle of the city has died down, but there are enough civilians out to wave at us. While Kiri and Katsuki take a quick photo with some young girls, I pace a bit ahead to a nearby storefront and chat with the owner for a moment. 

I bow as they leave and go to turn towards my companions when two large men step out from the alleyway just around the corner. As much as I don’t think nor worry about my height, it’s clear that these two loom far above me. 

“Pro Hero Reality Ripple,” one croons, his beady eyes raking my body with delight. 

“Never thought I’d ever get to see this body in the flesh.” The other one circles me before standing next to his friend with a sinister look on his face. 

“I bet it would look better under the suit, though— it doesn’t leave much to the imagination.” 

Deep down, I wish I had put my face shield back on five minutes ago so these two wouldn’t have to see my face. Yet the weight of it under my arm feels light compared to the anxiety that washes over me. As a Pro, especially a female Pro, you get used to people enjoying the view of your body. But it doesn’t mean that it’s not any less uncomfortable. 

I can feel my shoulders seize from the anxiety as I watch them eye me, let alone almost start drooling. Could I hold my own? Probably, but they’re civilians so I can’t hurt them even if they come onto me. Perks of being a licensed hero— all the fucking hoops you have to jump through. 

One steps close enough to touch me, running his fingers up my bare arm until they reach the edge of my body suit. My breath hitches in my throat slightly but I stand my ground. 

“Sir I’m going to have to ask you to stop,” I warn him and try to step away but end up running into the other one. 

“It’s okay Ripple. We’ll treat the number four hero real nice.”

“Please step away from me,” I say but I stop at the look on their faces. Fear. 

“Did you not hear her?” Kirishima’s voice is thick and dark, warbling over my shoulder. With his height, he blocks me from the sun and looms over the two men. I can’t imagine how tall he looks compared to me. 

“Get the fuck away from her before they’re scraping you off the sidewalk,” Katsuki adds much to my surprise. I look up to see the blond with murder in his eyes before they flick down to mine, briefly changing into a look of sincerity and protection. It’s unfamiliar. 

“S-sorry,” they say, backing away before taking off down the alleyway. I let out a breath and clench my fist in an attempt to quell the anxiety in my muscles. A pair of hands rest on my shoulders. 

“Are you okay?” I can’t find my answer at the sincerity of Katsuki’s words. The concern in his voice tasted like buttercream on his words. My eyelids flutter as my brain scrambles to come up with a response. 

Thankfully, Kirishima butts in. “She’s just probably shaken. Those two didn’t look nice. Setsuna tells me all the time how scary men can be towards female Pros and it doesn’t help that our Ash is top five.”

I can’t help but blush slightly at Kiri’s kind words. Katsuki cocks his head to the side slightly, a smile ghosting his own lips. For a moment, the streets fall away and I can only focus on this one moment of sincerity in those crimson eyes. It’s intoxicating, the look of something other than anger represented in the blond next to me, so much that I felt dizzy. His hand catches my arm as I sway slightly from the sudden anxiety and the rush of Katsuki looking at me like something other than an annoying pest. 

Get over yourself. He doesn’t care about you. 

My gaze falls away from his and I pull my arm away. His gloved hand hovers in the air for a second before falling to his side. I can’t help but fixate over how it felt on my arm; the rush of comfort and heat. An addiction that I wasn’t prepared to face just yet. I rub the ball of my hand over my breastbone at the sudden wave of pain that seizes the air from my lungs. Turning away again, I cough roughly into my elbow and gulp down the evening air. 

Once I gather myself, I wave to Kirishima and Katsuki. “Let’s finish up patrol.”

I can see how different men who would usually cat call me avoid their eyes from the three of us. Glancing behind me, I see how Katsuki and Kirishima have matching looks on their faces as they walk side by side behind me. A look of intimidation at anyone who dares to cat call me. A smug smile plasters my face and I straighten my back, standing up a bit straighter as we finish out patrol. 

Chapter Text

It’s finally Friday. My car door shutting echos in the parking garage as I head to the elevator with music keeping my head on straight. The duffle bag for recon trip bumps against my leg as the doors open and I head towards my office. A lingering quietness hovers in the hallways, thankfully there aren’t many people in just yet. Passing by a few of the graveyard shifts and the cleaning crew to whom I bow thankfully to, I make it to my office. 

My laptop clatters onto the table before I scroll through some aimless emails. My head slumps into my hand and I regret not getting coffee this morning at the local shop by my apartment. Not only am I tired but I have to spend twenty four hours with Katsuki. 

After recon it’ll be clear how pathetic you are. 

I don’t bother trying to reason with the voice, even if the logic isn’t sound. Should I go to therapy? Probably. But who wants to know that the number four hero has so many issues that she needs therapy to get through everything. 

The usual headache forms behind my eyes much to my irritation but before I could open the drawer in my desk to grab some medication, my door slams open. 

“DID YOU TELL THEM WE’D ONLY NEED ONE BED WITCH?” I look up slowly to see Katsuki’s shoulders heaving from his heavy breathing. He’s wearing his own merch tshirts and even from across the room I can see his the classic murder in his eyes. 

“Back to the high school nickname I see,” I mutter, having forgotten how that name sounded coming from his mouth. Despite getting over the torment from him at UA, the name still tastes bitter after patrol last night. 

He stomps over to my desk, slamming his hands on the wood and leans over them to get in my face. I roll my eyes, attempting to push down the aching feeling erupting to my breastbone. 

“No Katsuki I didn’t tell them-”

“Liar,” he seethes. I can only blink at his interruption and lean back in my desk chair with a creak. He looks me up and down, my entirety under his scrutiny. Biting the inside of my cheek, I can taste the metallic on my tongue and I sigh. 

“Who told you?”

“What?”

“Who told you there was only one bed? I’ll go talk to them.”

He huffs as he straightens up, crossing his arms over his chest. “I already did witch so don’t even bother. Your agency screwed it up.” 

I stand from my desk, irritated. “It’s Midoriya’s agency! Besides, you’re the one partnered with us on this case so for all you know it could be someone who works for you,” I jab back, also crossing my arms over my chest. 

He laughs harshly. “One of my employees? I doubt that, I make sure only the best work for me. And then I pay them what they deserve.”

I look him over. As smug as he is, I can’t help but admire the tenacity he has, just like it was in high school. His hair is smushed slightly on one side, the ashen blond spikes looking a little softer than usual. I swallow the desire to run my fingers through it so see if it’s actually soft like Kirishima has told me so many times. 

Katsuki’s head cocks to the side at my lack of response, an emotion other than anger flashing through them before he huffs again. My chest seizes and I cough into my elbow, avoiding eye contact with crimson flames as I stand up from my desk. 

“If you’re worried about the bed, I’ll grab a sleeping bag or something from the supply room for me to use.” My eyes watch his, waiting for some smug smile to creep onto his face. Instead he rolls his eyes. 

“If that’s the plan, I’d rather take the floor.” My heart pounds at his words, even though I could be reading into them. I could care less. With a nod, he exits the room, leaving the air to circulate around me in emptiness. My stomach flips and I throw myself to the waste bin next to the desk, my knees slamming into the ground so hard my hips hurt from impact. The need to vomit crosses my vision but before I could even begin to process, I hacked into the metal. Only the webs of saliva looked back at me from the bottom, a promise that worse things were to come. 

Thankfully, Midoriya and Todoroki were also in the conference room when Katsuki and I arrived. We were taking an older car from the agency, something normal so as to not gather attention. 

“Honestly I think you two need to act like a couple when you go today,” Midoriya comments as he looks us over with emerald eyes. I can see a glint of mischief in them before Katsuki literally explodes next to me. 

“DEKU-” I lose track of what Katsuki says once his palms go off with his quirk, sending spitfire my way and I quickly throw up a shield before he singes my clothes same as his. My whole body tingles from the tension rolling off of Katsuki’s shoulders and my shield hovers for another few seconds until I know his quirk has tapered off. 

The smoke takes a second to clear before I can see Katsuki’s heaving shoulders and the murder in his eyes. He’s still muttering about something and I can’t make out what he’s saying just yet. His crimson coals flick my way and steal the air out of my lungs in one look, top lips still hovering in a snarl towards the fellow hero. Unabashed, my eyes roam his heaving shoulders in the black and orange tshirt that clings to his skin even if the hem is now singed off. 

“Kacchan! I told you not to set your quirk off in the agency!” Midoriya cries. Todoroki stands stoic as ever, his dual eyes trained to the scorch marks on the linoleum floor. I sigh, trying to release the tension in my shoulders from the situation. 

“I am not playing house with this witch,” Katsuki seethes through clenched teeth. My head snaps up from the blackened marks with horror at his words. 

See. What other proof do you need?

My head whirls not only at the idea of ‘playing house’ with Katsuki but also the malice in his words. Through the fog in my vision, I can see a pair of eyes soften and it takes me a second to realize Katsuki’s murderous look has dissipated much to my surprise. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes from mine. 

A sudden contraction in my lungs forces me to cough roughly into my elbow as if I had something lodged in my throat. Only spittle ends up on my skin and a slight metallic taste imprints on my tongue. 

It’s not happening. I just need to get through this and have the hookup there’s nothing-

“Ash?” I turn back towards the three men with a plastic smile while I ignore the ache in my chest. Katsuki huffs but I catch the lingers of a concerned look on his face, making the ache fall deeper into my ribcage. 

“Fine we’ll do the couple bullshit,” Katsuki agrees begrudgingly. I can’t help the heat that rises to my cheeks and I shy away from Todoroki’s quizzical look. My arms cross over my heaving chest and I ball my fists to keep the buzz of anxiety at bay. I glance down at my high top converse, the toes bumping together and I rock back and forth. 

Midoriya laughs, head thrown back and all, before flashing us a warm smile. Who knew the number one hero could be so manipulative? I grit my teeth and hoist my duffle bag up a little higher on my shoulder, an ache starting to set in slightly. 

“Alright most of the supplies you guys might need are already in the apartment, so just grab food and we’ll be on the radio.” I continue to stare at my shoes before I see movement out of the corner of my eye. 

“Oi, are you coming witch?” Katsuki’s voice doesn’t sound any nicer than it did in high school. You’d think he’d finally learned to give a shit about how he talks to people. I nod and follow him down the hallway, sending Midoriya and Todoroki a small wave and a smile plastered to my face as best I could. 

“Katsuki what’s my fucking name?” My voice was an octave below screaming as I stared at the blond in front of me. 

“I told you, I don’t care what your name is, witch,” he barely gave me a glance and rolled his shoulders. As much as I wanted to cry, I stuck to my resolve. 

“Fine, push people away. Sooner or later you’ll figure it out the hard way,” I spat at him before heading to my dorm. It took a good amount of strength and blood spilled onto my tongue to keep the tears at bay. The bathroom mirror reflected the blood that dripped off my lips behind my locked door. 

The car ride was short thankfully and Katsuki and I were making our way up to the apartment with food for the mission. There would be no kitchen use, so we grabbed mostly snacks, though Katsuki shoved some healthy options into my arms before we paid. 

“Hello!” I stop in my tracks as an older man comes up to us in the hallway just before we reach the door. The feeling of Katsuki starts just over my shoulder as he also stops a step quicker than I, a tense energy radiating from him. 

“Are you two a new couple moving in?” The man seems harmless enough from my quick analysis, yet I don’t even want to try to play-

“Yes we are,” a hand slings around my waist and I’m pulled into Katsuki’s body as he interrupts my thought process. My back feels instantly warm from his body heat and I smile shyly at the man who eyes our bags. 

“Well many good blessings to you two, I can tell you’re destined for a happy future,” he says, his eyes crinkling from his beaming smile. Katsuki’s hand tightens on my waist, digging into the flesh slightly under my hoodie. I quickly bow to the man before resting my head on Katsuki’s shoulder to which he bristles. Once the door shuts behind us in the apartment, he lets out a murderous breath. 

“The fuck was that?” I drop the bags on the small table littered with gear for tonight before turning around. 

“You started it Katsuki, we could’ve just walked by and not even said anything,” I shoot back but he rolls his eyes at me. His footsteps echo in the empty space as he stalks towards the windows that face the warehouse. 

“And bring attention to us? He could’ve been a look out!” 

I laugh. “Man, you're paranoid.”

He turns to face me, anger reflected in his eyes as he stares me down. “I didn’t want to do the whole couple bullshit but I’m not going to risk this recon mission.”

My mind flitted back to the way he held my waist in the hallway, the way in which his fingers slitted just below my rib cage that held my racing heart. In a strange sense however, I’ve never had a warm embrace feel so cold to me. 

I turn away from him and open my bag to grab the rest of my gear. Thankfully I saw the extra sleeping bag near the ratty couch which solves the sleeping problem we were having earlier. Katsuki paces behind me and only stops when I interrupt his path by standing in front of the dusty window much to his annoyance. But rather than watching from the other window, he chooses to stand shoulder to shoulder, glaring out the same window. 

Something rises in my throat but I swallow roughly and turn away, not wanting to grow comfortable to the body heat of someone who clearly doesn’t care for me. 

Chapter Text

The night air is chilly, even through my hero suit that is hidden under a sweatshirt. Katsuki leans back next to me, almost elbow deep in the bag of chips we’re sharing as we gaze out over the warehouse on the apartment building roof. We tried to appear as inconspicuous as possible and even brought out a tattered blanket to appear as if we were two people stargazing. 

I glance down at the audio feed of the microphone pointed at the warehouse with no avail. There hadn’t been much movement since the sun went down about an hour ago. Suddenly Katsuki sits up, his back hunching as he rests his elbows on his knees. 

“You never told me how you got that scar.” His voice is quiet on the night air, almost to the point that I thought someone else had spoken. I look over at him. He toes a small rock on the ground with one of his boots, his head heavy in his hands. 

“Which one?” I joke darkly. 

Can you be any more pathetic?

I grit my teeth at the realization of my deflection, but Katsuki’s chuckle pulls me back. In a moment, his head is thrown back into a full laugh which has me frozen. It wasn't that funny. I wring my hands together to quell the anxiety tugging at the sinews and let out a breathy chuckle. 

“Fuck Morana that was dark but I feel that.” His laugh is rough around the edges, but has something sweet in the middle, like a salty sweet caramel. A smile rises to my face knowing that I made him laugh. He lets out a breath and looks over at the video feed we have set up. Still nothing. 

“The one above your eye, that one specifically,” he specifies for me and I look away from him. My skin prickles as if I touched something spiky, the urge to scratch flooding my brain so I sit on my hands. Too many nights I’ve woken up with bloody scratch marks laid upon my skin like a murder scene. 

“That’s a boring story,” I deflect, hoping he’ll drop the subject or at least pick a different scar for me to explain. 

When I look back over at him, his head is cocked to the side in confusion. “Did I ask if it was going to be boring?” I shook my head, not trusting my tongue. “Exactly, tell me anyways witch.” The use of the nickname doesn’t feel as harsh. A gentle burn on the tongue like alcohol down my throat.

Tell him. 

Tell him how messed up you are. 

Tell him how pathetic you are. 

You don’t deserve your title as hero. 

I bite the inside of my cheek, letting the metallic taste wash away the burn as I debate my options. I could say it was debris. Or a cat scratched me. My brain hesitates at my last thought, the idea even too much to say in my head. 

“Are you gonna tell me or do you not remember?”

I shake my head to start my brain up again, letting out a breath. 

Tell him. 

He’ll never see you the same. 

“I uh, I don’t exactly remember honestly. There’s so many I just lose track,” I tell him, thankful that it’s not an entire lie. My body is littered with scars, both from hero work and everyday life so it can be difficult to remember each trauma my body received. 

Except for when you do it yourself. 

My mouth dries from the voice reminding me, again , of my issues. Katsuki kicks my boot to get my attention. 

“Like I said because you clearly can’t pay attention— tell me one that you do remember.” The sweetness of his voice makes it hard to breathe and I have to cough away from him to regain some air in my chest again. Silently, he passes me a water bottle from beside him which I take graciously, all the while I rack my brain for a funny story that can cut the tension I’ve created. 

I turn to him, holding out my left wrist to show him the white jagged scar as I begin to tell him it’s origins. Whenever I glance up at him, his vermillion eyes are either cast out on the skyline or examining the other scars on my wrist. Despite the comfortability I have with my long list of scars, Katsuki’s calculating gaze makes goosebumps rise on my exposed flesh. As soon as I finish telling him about the cat that attacked me and the scar it left, I hastily pull my sleeve down. 

His eyes stare at my clothed wrist for a moment before flicking up to mine. Even with the low light, I could see the reflection of the city lights in the dilation of his pupils, a red ring around them. I swallowed thickly and shuddered from the brisk air. 

“Are you cold?” I look over at the blond, startled that he asked such a blase question. My hands are now shoved in the pocket of my sweatshirt, squeezing my hands into fists to regain some blood flow. My quirk would be less than optimal if my whole body is cold, so I nod to him. 

Tossing the bag of chips in front of us, he scoots over to me, our legs pressed against each other. My brain focuses on the contact so intently that I don’t notice his hand sneak under the back of my sweatshirt until I feel hot hot palm up against my spine. I let out a small gasp and arch my back for a second, causing Katsuki to pull his hand away in confusion. 

“Sorry, I just-” I let out a shaky breath, trying to ignore the burning sensation that ignited in my lungs, “uh, I just… wasn’t expecting that. Sorry.” My back relaxes slightly, though the tension keeps my spine rigid against his hand. 

“Stop apologizing. You’ll suck more if you’re cold,” He quips, shoving his other hand in the pocket of my sweatshirt. I wire my jaw shut to keep it from dropping open at how one of his hands can cover both of mine. In an instant, his palms heat up. 

“I didn’t know youre quirk could do this,” I say, letting my shoulder rest against his chest. The warmth penetrates my suit under my sweatshirt and I can tell that I’m warming up. 

“It was something I worked on after that snowstorm a few years back. Shitty hair said it would boost my rescue skills if I could turn into a human heater,” he explains. I can faintly feel his fingertips ghosting over my suit absentmindedly as he shifted a bit closer to me. 

“It’s not a bad skill,” I tell him, swallowing thickly to keep myself from clenching my fists from anxiety while they are encapsulated by his large hand. “I need to work on my combat skills quirk-wise.” My head droops a bit as I think over how my quirk fighting hasn’t been up to par with some of the newly developed enhancing drugs that are flooding the market. Another reason why I haven’t been able to get rid of the headache I’ve had. 

Katsuki’s fingers now trail the zipper of my suit, tracing up and down the stitching which makes my body shiver slightly from the sensation. Goosebumps arise on my skin again and I hear him chuckle under his breath. My chest burns like the wind was knocked out of me, the cold air of the night not helping with the ache that’s ignited in my ribcage. All I could feel was Katsuki’s warm hands and the licking flames of pain in my chest. 

His hand stills as the radio crackles with someone’s voice just as he was about to say something. We both still and look towards the radio in anticipation. There’s a lump in my throat, whether it’s from anticipation or anxiety, I couldn’t tell nor could I address it. 

“- No put the crates- fine! ” The voice comes over staticky and warbled and the two of us are only able to pick out bits and pieces. Katsuki’s hand leaves my sweatshirt which I pull off and go to grab my face guard which is sitting next to Katsuki’s gauntlets. He holds his arm out to stop me just before I grab it, telling me to wait. 

“We need more information before we can do anything. Besides this is just recon,” he whispers to me and my brows furrow at the logistical thinking. Usually the blond is guns blazing at any sight of a criminal, especially when it comes to a bust this big. I hear him huff and I know he’s struggling to not go blasting in, his hand still keeping my body back. It’s warm across my shoulders, lingering heat that makes my skin hot.  

“ This is why I don’t work with low lifes, ” My heart skips a beat for a moment at the cold voice of Dabi over the crackling radio. Katsuki and I share a glance before I scramble to get up, snatching the night vision binoculars from the duffle bag stashed next to us. My body hits the edge of the building roughly as I place the binoculars to my eyes, greedily searching for the flame user. I can hear Katsuki’s breath near my shoulder as he crouches down next to me with the grainy video feed in his hands on the tablet. The blue light casts a hazy glow on his face as he stares intently at it when I glance over my shoulder at him. 

The breeze tugs at the stray pieces of hair that have come out of my braids and I grit my teeth at how hard the metal siding of the building digs into my stomach. Breathing deeply, I warp the building enough so it’s comfortable to lie on for whatever length of time that we might be here. The green tint of the binoculars scan over the area until I finally spot Dabi who’s ordering around a handful of people. Even at this distance, I can see the look of irritation scratched into his patchwork face. 

Murmuring under his breath, Katsuki makes mental notes on the situation along with some choicely placed curse words. I huff and shift my hips on the hard concrete roof while watching Dabi stalk along the warehouse doorway. Multiple men move inside. 

“At least ten besides patchwork from what I can see,” I murmur to Katsuki as I sit up. Crossing my legs, I rest my elbows on the insides of my knees, shivering slightly from the lack of warmth from my sweatshirt. A hand rests against my lower back and I find Katsuki sitting crossed legged next to me as he balances the small screen in one hand. In an instant, his hand warms against my suit, heat spreading across my skin. I can’t help the hun that rises from my chest at the feeling and for a moment, Katsuki’s hand freezes against my body before resuming the pattern he’s tracing absentmindedly. 

You think this means he cares?

My chest tightens and I push out the air that gets stuck in my chest with a huff. Tears gather on my waterline at the ache pooling in my bones and I blink them away before returning to the binoculars. 

“You mutter like Midoriya often?” I ask, not looking at the blond. His hand stills on me before the warmth leaves as he grumbles next to me. 

“I do not witch,” he argues which causes me to laugh, pushing myself into a sitting position. I brush hair out of my eyes and watch Dabi stalk outside the warehouse. Probably watching for heroes like us. The thought makes me chuckle. 

“Have you figured out what’s in those crates yet?” Katsuki’s eyes almost glow in the darkness as he looks over at me. His eyebrows are scrunched in his usual scowl but I don’t read into the look and return to scouring for identifying markings. 

“There’s some words on the crates but I haven’t been able to make them out yet. Do we think it’s quirk enhancing drugs or something else?”Katsuki swipes away the video feed on the tablet and pulls up the intell notes we have. 

“It should be quirk enhancers but Deku said it could be supplies.”

“Supplies?” I put down the binoculars and stare off the roof, collecting my thoughts. “Are they planning something big?” The question is mostly rhetorical as I run through multiple scenarios. 

“Why the fuck do you think we’re here?” Katsuki’s voice is louder than needed causing Dabi to startle, look around for the noise. The two of us hit the roof on our bellies and I cuss the blond out as he mutters to himself about “stupid Dabi and his stupid hearing”. 

“Someone go check-heroes,” the radio crackles. We share a look before grabbing as much equipment as we can before skittering over to the roof door. Thankfully we are on the floor just below the roof so we manage to get into the apartment before we could be spotted. I rest against the door, catching my breath as Katsuki drops the equipment he grabbed in the small kitchen. 

The sound of breaking glass sounds in the living room. I dive from the door towards Katsuki to hide behind the kitchen table that he’s hovering around. 

“Definitely scouts here,” only a single voice comes out from the living room. He kicks at the sleeping bag before rifling through the duffle bags. Katsuki elbows me and flicks his head towards the guy with a look that tells me to use my quirk. I nod once before slicking the soles of my boots so I’m noiseless as I get closer to the criminal. Looking over his clothing, I try to decide how I would restrain him the quickest before he could radio Dabi. Based on the thick army jacket donning his shoulders, I constrict the material around his throat before warping the hardwood to snatch his ankles. His hands flew to his neck first before he swipes at his legs. 

Katsuki takes only a few steps before clocking the guy in the temple which puts him on the ground. 

We’re both breathing a little hard and share a thankful look that there was only one criminal that came looking rather than Dabi or anyone else from the LOV. Everytime we try to squish them, they always end up coming back. Some kind of repulsive fungus that we can never be rid of. I roll my shoulders back as Katsuki kneels down to tie up the criminal’s unconscious body as well as rid him of his communication device. 

Before I could make a sound, a hand snakes around my mouth while an arm captures my throat. A squeak of surprise is the only thing I can get Katsuki’s attention with as I can smell the charred scent of Dabi. 

Much to my surprise, Katsuki’s eyes are filled with dread swirling with the usual anger. I can tell he doesn’t have to restrain himself as much to keep calm like he used to while I try to keep my breathing under control. 

My hands snake up to Dabi’s arm that has a python hold on my throat, squeezing my windpipe so as to not allow me to take deep breaths. “I don’t think so little mouse, I feel you ripple anything on my body and I’ll roast you so fast the number two hero wouldn’t be able to do anything.” His voice is cool on my cheek and I can feel his quirk ignite on my face which makes my eyes water. How can a fire quirk feel like ice? I’ve never been able to come up with an answer after all these years of battling Dabi. 

“Let her go, you charred marshmallow,” even with the entertaining name, Katsuki’s voice is thick with hostility. Is he actually worried for my safety? 

Don’t be stupid. 

He’s protecting himself. 

Can’t have your pathetic death on his hands. 

My body goes limp at the voice in my head. Dabi’s chuckle vibrates against my spine yet his grip on my face tightens. Katsuki flinches when I wince at the pressure, a pleading look replacing the dread. 

“What do you want?”

“Oh come on,” Dabi laughs again, glass against a chalkboard that has my skin tingling. “It’s obvious I want you dead. Unfortunately I have bigger things to attend to at the moment.” The leftover air in my lungs burn as I begin to choke, my consciousness beginning to fade. “I think I’ll just maime a little though.” 

Chapter Text

Don’t you touch her, you grimy piece of shit. There are so many things I wanted to say to Dabi as his grip tightened on Ashina. The look of fear in her eyes slowly fading with her consciousness. I could tell from here how tight his hold is on her throat and the idea of someone touching her- stop. It’s not like that, it never was and never will be. 

Why hurt yourself? I grit my teeth and a low growl rises from my throat. “Let her go, you charred marshmallow.” There’s enough hostility in my voice that I’m worried about how she’ll see me after this. It was just supposed to be a quiet recon mission, even if I hated them. But my big mouth had to get the two of us in trouble. Do Deku and shitty hair even know what’s going on? The murderous glow in his stark blue eyes freezes the blood in my veins. I know that look. Distract, distract!

“What do you want?”

“Oh come on,” Dabi laughs again, the sound physically hurting my ears. “It’s obvious I want you dead. Unfortunately I have bigger things to attend to at the moment.” Ashina’s eyelids flutter and I can tell she’s struggling to breathe, even worse than she’s been the past few days. Is she sick? I could never put my finger on it and I could never ask her face to face. 

“I think I’ll just maime a little though.” The sinister tone of voice pulls me out of my thoughts and his hand against her face begins to glow blue. At this point I can’t tear my eyes away from Ashina’s unconscious face. She looks like she’s just sleeping, idiot. I push off from the ground with an explosion that’ll probably wake the folks below me and tackle Dabi at the waist. He folds from impact, sending Ash’s body flying somewhere else in the room with a sickening crash. It takes a great deal of effort to not direct my attention to her and to focus on Dabi who is trying to light me up. Even after all these years, he still hasn’t figured out that my quick is similar to his? 

He pushes me off of him, my shoulders heaving with heavy breaths but I keep eye contact with his piercing blues. My palms tingle from my quirk and I can smell smoke from the two of us. 

“Look hero, your little stake out here is the least of my problems,” Dabi begins to back towards the smashed open window. I can vaguely hear someone knocking at the door and saying they’ll call the police. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ashina’s crumpled body. 

“I’ll be seeing the lot of you real soon,” Dabi’s voice foreshadows something sinister before he leaps out the window with a satisfied smirk on his bicolored face. Rather than dashing after him, I head over to Ashina. 

She’s still unconscious yet now with a decent sized gash across her forehead from striking the coffee table earlier. Thankfully the blood that’s dried on her skin has slowed the blood that was seeping into her brown hair. Her long braids look matted and frizzy, splayed haphazardly across the floor. Dragging a duffle bag to me, I grab a spare tshirt of mine and the radio to call Deku and shitty hair. Fucking idiots. Do they even know what’s going on? I sigh and carefully place the tshirt on her forehead to stop the leftover bleeding. 

“Bakugo!” My arms are tired. My legs are tired. I’m tired. Deku runs up to me with Icy Hot, Kirishima lumbering after them, the fucking giant. 

“I could fucking hear you from down the hallway you oaf,” I chastize him. Everyone starts talking at once, making the pounding behind my eyes even worse. 

“SHUT IT!” I yell and shift Ashina in my arms. She’s dense with muscle and it makes my insides warm. What kind of sappy shit is that? “She’s fine, just a hit to the head. Take this shit and I’ll take her to the infirmary. Also someone needs to go get the rest of the shit from the apartment.” I take only a few steps before calling over my shoulder, “Also! The witch’s sweatshirt is on the roof, make sure to grab that as well.”

My boots echo on the floor as I head for the small infirmary in Deku’s agency. Most of us have something to take care of injuries that don’t exactly need hospitalization. Or publicity. Thankfully the registry of quirk healers always has someone on call if we need further help with an injury that we can’t take to a hospital. 

The room was cold and devoid of any other presence much to my liking. I didn’t wanna have to explain to any extras what had happened or why I was carrying Ashina so gently. In the back of my mind I knew she wouldn’t break yet I was still afraid of hurting her accidentally. Keeping her warm on the roof took more concentration that I usually use to make sure the temperature was okay for her. Why do I care? I shake my head of the thoughts and lay her down on one of the cots, feeling her cheek with the back of my hand to see if she was cold. My palms have been destroyed of nerves, only flickering passes of feeling so I use the back of my hand more than most. Except for when I’m worried that someone thinks I’m going to hit them. My knuckles end up instilling fear in some unfortunately.  

Much to my relief, she’s not cold and so I pull the pilling blanket only half way over her body. Ashina’s chest rises and falls steadily as I monitor her until she’s close to waking up. Shouldn’t be more than a few hours. 

I can hear the soft clicks of heels as a nurse comes in. It takes me a second to explain what happened so she could tend to Ash’s head wound with some gauze. Collapsing into the chair next to the bedside, I let out a breath and close my eyes for a moment while I listen to the nurse shift around. 

“Bakugo?” Lifting my head, I see Icy Hot with Deku at the doorway. I glance over to Ashina who is still out cold and head out to the two, Kirishima’s heavy footsteps receding down the hallway. 

“We got the supplies but we couldn’t find her sweatshirt. It might’ve been taken but we’re not sure.” Icy Hot looks over my shoulder at Ashina then shares a look with Deku. I still can’t believe these two are getting married soon. How the fuck do they do it? I fold my arms over my chest in annoyance at the silent air between the three of us. 

“Let’s wait for Ashina to wake up and then you guys can give the report later. We have some idea what happened but it can wait,” Deku finishes for Icy Hot who seems to be stuck in something, his dual colored eyes swirling as he stares at the floor. I huff and push past them to head to the locker room where my stuff was. 

The metal locker door slams open with some kind of unbridled frustration that sits in my hands. An uncontrollable stress that weighs on each tendon that flexes under the calloused skin that I can’t seem to shake nor figure out its cause. After changing out of my suit, I grab a sweatshirt and head back to the infirmary ward.

Chapter Text

A pounding sits behind my eyes like usual when I come to. After clearing the blurry vision that swirls the room, I find myself in the infirmary ward back at Midoriya’s agency. How the fuck-oh right. 

Did you forget how pathetic you acted?

I slump down in the cot, putting my head in my hands when I feel something donning my upper body. My suit had been stripped off and I was in a pair of sweatpants and Katsuki’s sweatshirt?

“One of the nurses changed you out of your suit,” a voice comes from my right but I already know who it is. Sandpaper on raw skin is how Katsuki’s voice sounds to me every so often, especially when my chest aches. 

“Shitty Deku and Icy Hot couldn’t find your sweatshirt so you can borrow mine until you get back to your place. Wash it before you give it back.” He stands from the chair he was sitting in and leaves the ward, my mouth slightly open as the thought that was half formed died on my lips. The sleeves are longer than my arms so only my finger tips poke out of the silky black fabric. By the design, I can tell it’s part of his limited edition that was released last year. From what Kirishima told me, only a hundred or so were sold in Japan. This one must be from his own closet since most hero’s keep at least one piece of all their merch after doing photo shoots for ads. 

There’s a quiet knock and I look over to see Midoriya and Todoroki standing in the doorway with big smiles plastered on their faces. I sheepishly waved from my cot, swinging my legs over the edge to get up. In a moment, the two are at my side to help me stand on slightly shaky legs. Thankfully my strength rushes to the tight muscles and allows me to straighten up fully. 

“How are you feeling?” Todoroki asks me as Midoriya hands me a glass of water. The glass is cool to the touch which is a relief to my hot skin as well as my patched throat. I nod numbly without actually answering as I attempt to piece together the rest of last night. Sun glints through the half closed blinds reminding me that it’s probably around seven in the morning. 

I shake my head of my stupor and face Midoriya who is playing with his fingers. It takes me a second to clear my throat and I tug at the frayed edges of the borrowed hoodie, probably from Katsuki using his quirk while wearing it. He’s worn this. My stomach flips and a heartbeat ache resounds in my ribs much to my discomfort. 

“Are we doing a briefing or did I sleep through that?” My voice is graveled and I swallow some more water to help. Todoroki shakes his head. 

“No no, we wanted to wait for you, though we don’t know where Katsuki stalked off,” he trails off. 

I nod again. “Okay let’s head to the conference room and I can ping Katsuki or something.” The two men turn and I follow them out into the hallway, a few paces behind. Today is Saturday, fuck, I have a hookup tonight. A sigh passes my lips and I roll my shoulders back. Thankfully, I’m not too beat up and I don’t think tonight will be that bad. 

I can hear Midoroya and Todoroki chatting quietly about what I think is bouquet arrangements which brings a small smile to my face. They’re cute. Down the hallway, I can hear a set of lumbering footsteps which I can only assume is the red haired hero himself who turns the corner with two coffee cups in his hands. His face lights up when he sees me. 

“Hey rockstar! You’re looking pretty good after that altercation with Dabi.” he hands me a cup which I gladly accept with a small bow. Stupidly enough, I’m happy to see caffeine after being out for so long. Exhaustion still sits on my shoulders which slump forward. 

Trailing behind the couple with Kirishima, I let my mind wander while I sip the warm liquid. The conference doors open which causes me to raise my gaze only to find Katsuki standing across from me, clearly having come from the opposite direction. My tired eyes gloss over his appearance to find bloodshot eyes casted slightly downward at my presence. His shoulder also slumped forwards as if he hadn’t slept in days. Stress is etched in the creases in his forehead which is set into a more upset scowl than his usual angry one. 

“Katsuki?” Kirishima’s voice gets him to look up but when he makes eye contact with me, his face is bare from emotion. Not a moment later he strides into the room. 

Kirishima and I share a look before I shrug my shoulders and follow the blond in. Midoriya and Todoroki have files spread out on the table with a few tablets for eating video feed. Katsuki is slumped in one of the chairs far from the other two with Kiri deciding to sit next to the blond and next to Midoriya while I take a set one away from Katsuki. I play with the hem of my sleeves in my lap, the lapse in my memory spiking my anxiety. What happened after I got knocked out?

“Alright let’s get started now that Ash is awake. We’re glad that you’re okay after the altercation with Dabi,” Midoriya says to me, his eyes clearly trained on the bandage that is stuck to my forehead. One look in the reflective windows told me I had a decent sized injury on my face. 

Add it to the list of things that make you disgusting. 

I nod my head at his words, keeping my eyes cast downward in my lap. My leg bounces as I continue to roll the material of Katsuki’s sweatshirt over my fingertips. 

“From the video feed you guys were recording and what we know happened, can you two just quickly recount the rest?” My eyes snap up from my lap to the desk, then over to Katsuki who’s already looking at me. There’s a small look shared between us of “you talk” before he huffs. I can only hope my eyes pour thankfulness when he looks back at me. 

“It was a normal recon. We noted about ten or so guys other than Dabi moving crates but we couldn’t figure out what they contained-” I fell into a lull at Katsuki’s voice. He moves smoothly through the details up until Dabi’s ambush on me. 

“Then-” he paused uncharacteristically and glanced down at his hands which were clenched into fists. “-then I knocked Dabi off of Morana.”
“Did he say anything?”

“Just that the stake out was the least of his problems and that we’d be seeing him soon. Whatever that means.” My mind tries to put together the events of what happened after I passed out. 

“Alright then you came here with Ashina, okay,” Midoriya trails off as he moves papers around the table. I can tell everyone is in thought as the room goes silent. There’s a part of me that’s upset by how timid I’ve become all of the sudden from just one little skirmish. 

Pathetic. 

You call yourself a hero?

I shift uncomfortably in my seat at the voice, trying to keep my shoulders relaxed. My mind kept replaying Katsuki’s words ‘I pushed Dabi off of Morana’. Was he upset by that? That I couldn’t hold my own against the flame user like I usually did. I thought back to his clenched fists. How there was a type of chaos and destruction that hung in the air. A store was brewing in those fists so palpable that I could imagine feeling the thunder in my chest. 

A cough rises into my dry throat and I turn into my elbow only to be unable to satiate it. With a wave to the table, I exit the room so as to not create a disturbance and let my hacking echo in the hallway. Why can’t I stop coughing? My eyes prick with tears that swell along my waterline from the pure stress of not enough air in my lungs. With a final wet hack, I dislodge the object and it flies with a splatter of spit onto my arm. A small yellow petal sits quietly on the sleeve of Katsuki’s black sweatshirt. 

A single. Yellow. Petal. 

Chapter Text

It takes me a few moments and about a hundred blinks before I fully process what I’m looking at . The feathery petal reminds me of carnations, specifically from high school dances that the boys would pin white ones to their lapels. My phone almost slips out of my hands with how fast I yank it out of my pocket. With two fingers, I take the petal off my sleeve, which I wipe the saliva off, and put it in my pocket while I google the meaning of a yellow carnation. 

It came out a few years ago that there were meanings to the flowers people would throw up, each representing a type of feeling they could not express to the person who sparked the disease. My eyes scan the page for the word yellow before bolded text stares back at me. Disappointment and Rejection. A breath escapes my lips. 

Did you expect anything different?

I wasn’t rejected though. Thinking back to a few minutes ago, I try to figure out how a yellow carnation is representing my feelings but before I could get too deep into it, the door opens behind me. 

“Ash? You okay?” Kirishima’s red hair attracts my eyes first before meeting his. I swallow my stress. 

“Oh yeah, just allergies sorry!” A chuckle bubbles up from my chest and I push past him, slipping my phone back into the pocket of my sweatpants. Slumping into my seat earns a look from Katsuki that I see out of the corner of my eye but I force myself to ignore it. 

“Alright so transporting unknown goods. From what the Endeavor Agency found, we can confirm that it’s quirk enhancement drugs. They also nabbed a perp who’s quirk was going haywire-”

“Do they think it is a side effect?” Kirishima cuts in. Midoriya stops and looks at Todoroki who picks up the conversation. 

“It could be but it also could be a whole different drug on its own. Quirk enhancements, quirk blockers and now a possibility of quirk mutators,” He says solemnly. 

“It's getting dangerous for heroes now,” I mutter to no one in particular. 

“We have suspicion that they may try a large-scale attack on civilians to draw out as many heroes to administer quirk blockers,” Midoriya adds. “Especially if they’ve managed to recreate the drug that can remove quirks all together.”

The air changes at the mention of quirk removal. We all remember Mirio, the third year who lost his quirk during our first year at UA. Midoroya and Kirishima look especially uncomfortable seeing that they were involved. Thankfully Mirio was able to regain parts of his quirk and works closely with us on the special police force, but the heavy tension lingers in the air. 

“Did the Endeavor agency get anything on when this attack could happen?” Kirishima asks, playing with the edges of his mask that sits in his hands. He looks more stressed than usual. Just from how his shoulders are pulled closer together tells me that he’s worrying about Setsuna and their baby on the way. 

Todoroki shakes his head. “Nor did they manage to get any samples on the drugs. Quite a few were smashed in the scuffle they had but nothing to recover.”

“So we have one tiny fucking lead, no samples and no idea when this attack is happening?” Katsuki says, his fist landing loudly on the table. I look over at the blond who is sitting up straighter in his chair. My brain flits back to the petal sitting in the pocket of his sweatshirt that I’m wearing and I cast my gaze away from him. A lump forms at the base of my throat that I will to stay put. 

Midoriya falls back in his chair, letting out a frustrated sigh. “There’s nothing we can do at this moment. Ashina, you need to go home and rest before you push yourself too hard. Kacchan you also look tired-” Katsuki tries to but in but Midoriya is quicker, “-AND I don’t need you doing something stupid.” 

Kirishima and Todoroki chuckle at the green’s bluntness that shuts Katsuki up right quick. 

“We can keep working on this in the morning.” Todoroki concludes and we all stand from the table. Some quick goodbyes later, I’m heading towards my office to get home. My phone dings from a message as soon as the door shuts and I find a text from my hookup. 

[ From HK]: my place or yours?

[To HK]: Yours. 

I don’t bother being overly nice. We both know it’s for a hookup and nothing more. If anything it’ll simply be a purely sexual relationship for a bit before I let go of it. People come and go, especially in this area of work so it’s easy not to catch feelings for some random hookup that won’t remember my name later. 

Shouldering my duffle bag, I head down to the garage trying not to think about what happened earlier. I put the petal in a baggie that is stuffed in my pocket yet it feels like it’s burning a hole. Thankfully the road is quiet as I speed back to my apartment. 

As soon as I was in the door, I grab a shower and get some more racey clothes on for tonight. I’ve found it’s much easier to keep people’s attention off of your face if you give them your body to look at. Better than being recognized as one of the Pro Heroes. 

A tight long sleeved shirt and some short shorts don my body as I brush my hair in the bathroom. Light dark circles are plush under my eyes to which I dab on some cover up before checking the address he sent me a few minutes ago. “ Never take someone to your place” Ayamoko told me when I explained my hookups. We laughed for a good while about how things could go wrong. 

His apartment complex is nice, better than I had expected it to be as I pulled into the parking garage. Soon enough I’m knocking on a door five floors up and all the way down at the end of the hallway. A smile is plastered to my face and even though I can feel a tenderness between my ribs, I let my sexual side take control as he opens the door. 

Chapter Text

“Ah you got here quick,” he murmurs while placing a warm kiss on my cheek. A giggle escapes me and I shrug off my jean jacket, hanging it on the coat rack next to the door that shuts and locks behind me. I note the deadbolt but give no indication of my attention to it. 

“Would you like some wine, or just get straight to the fun part?” He asks. I glance around his apartment and spot the open bottle of red wine on the kitchen island, two glasses flanking it. 

“Wine would be great.”

Soon enough, a glass sits in my hand as we chat about current events. It’s easy to slander hero society honestly and it only pushes away the idea that I am a Pro. Plus it usually gets a laugh out of people. 

My eyes are drawn to his stained lips and my body grows warm with lust. It’s been a while since a good hookup and I’m hoping this one doesn’t fall short. He notices my wandering gaze and sets down his wine glass before taking mine from me. My reaction to his movements are slowed slightly from mild intoxication but I know that I’ll burn it off. 

He takes my hand and pulls me up from the bar stool, his arm snaking around my waist before kissing me roughly. The bitter taste of red wine spills over my tongue as they fight between our lips. Any thought of the past twenty four hours is long gone. Warmth spreads from his hands as they slip into my shorts, kneading over my underwear which only presses me farther into his chest. I tug the hair at the back of his head which earns me a low groan. 

We’re breathing a bit heavy when we pull away, a glint in his green eyes. I cock my head to the side, a sly smile on my face that he mirrors before releasing me. Tugging me into the bedroom, he pulls us onto the bed and rolls so he is on top. I would consider myself a switch in most scenarios, but my submissivness usually takes hold first. 

His hips grind against mine while his hands make it under my shirt, grasping at my breasts. Hot kisses are peppering my neck just under my jawline with fevor before he begins to tug my shirt over my head. I toss the item close to the door before flopping back down allowing my breasts to jiggle tantalisingly in front of his eyes. Just like usual, they captivate him and he greedily closes the space and nips at the exposed skin. His erection presses against my heat through my shorts and I buck my hips for some friction. He chuckles between my breasts and looks up at me. 

“Needy huh?” I roll my eyes with a coy smile and sneak a hand down to palm him, eliciting a low groan. He cocks an eyebrow at my action and removes his shirt before moving to his pants. I’m not shy with how my eyes rake down his chest. He’s decently built too which only makes me want to get things moving faster. I hardly notice that he’s begun to undo my shorts until I feel his fingers dip under my underwear. 

Lifting my ass, I let him remove my shorts and once they hit the floor, my panties follow them promptly. Before I can get a word in, he slips a finger into my sex, his thumb teasing my sensitive clit. I can’t help the moan that escapes me, intermingling with his chuckle. It takes only a second for him to slip the condom on and enter me, the burn of his cock in my cunt making me throw my head back. He takes up a fast pace, his hips bumping into mine. The sheets are slipping against my back which grows slick with sweat, our breaths mingling in the air around us. 

“Fuck,” my words breathe out in a low moan against his collarbones. Teeth nip at my hot skin, coiling the heat between my legs. His hips stutter for a moment and I can feel him groan against me. The friction of his lower stomach against my clit sends me over the edge, shuttering and crying out as he comes from my pulsing cunt. He falls onto me, holding himself up on one elbow as he finishes with slow thrusts. Eliciting a whimper from me when he pulls out, he tosses the used rubber and lies down next to me. 

“Good enough to come back?” He asks breathily. 

I laugh between catching my breath. “Probably.”

Chapter Text

I’m quick to get dressed once my heart rate has calmed down to a steady beating. As much as I know that the thoughts of a certain someone have not fully dissipated, it’ll be a bit before it returns. By then I’ll have my shit together. 

Doubt it. 

“How’d you get the bump on your head?” I turn after throwing on my shirt to face him. Only the sheet covers his modesty. My hand ghosts over the skin colored bandage that covers the gash from last night. 

“Dropped a dish on myself from a high shelf,” I lie with a smile. It looks like he believes it from his laughing that has him lying back on his bed. 

Pathetic. 

My shoulders tighten uncomfortably but I don’t show it. Last night’s events flash behind my eyes before my hookup’s voice brings me back to reality. 

“-Glad you’re okay. Next time get someone tall like me to help you.”

“Oh yeah I’ll text you next time I need to get something off the top shelf,” I push back jokingly. His eyes reflect a kind of seriousness that I don’t completely enjoy. 

“I’ll always be around.”

A small chuckle is my only response, a feeling of uneasiness rising slightly in my chest. Time to leave. After slipping my shoes on, he gets the message and gets dressed enough to walk me to the door. We exchange goodbyes before I tell him that I’ll text him soon. As much as I enjoyed the time, I’m anxious to get home and take a shower. Thankfully my phone dings with a text from Kirishima which solidifies my leaving. 

“I’ll see you around then,” he says, leading on the doorframe while I walk away. With a wave and a smile, I make it to the elevator. My brain slowly focuses on the dings for each floor before it finally lands in the parking garage with a bump. 

I head out towards my car, noticing the stale man lurking in the halved shadows. A sigh leaves my lips as I already know what will probably happen with what I’m wearing. 

“Hey pretty girl,” he purrs, echoing down between the concrete pillars. Of course. 

You deserve it. 

The words send shocks down my spine which stiffens in reaction. A cold air prickles at my skin, layering it with goosebumps and I forget for a moment that the man is slowly coming closer to me. His footsteps pull me from whatever trance I was in and I plaster a fake smile onto my face. 

His eyes rake my body which I shy away from. Thankfully, he’s not a big guy and I know I could defend myself even without my quirk. “Can I show you a good time?” Sweltering body heat washes over me and I try to get around him to keep walking to my car. 

“No thank you sir,” I say in a sweet voice. The unbridled need to put this guy in his place swells in my veins but I clench my fists to keep myself from committing unnecessary violence. 

“Hey!” The two of us turn to see my hookup stalking from the elevator. In a weird way, I’m glad to see him since he can deal with this rather than me. With a huff, the guy stalks off, muttering some choice words into the darkness. My hookup, who’s name I finally remember as Junichiro, looks towards me. 

“I forgot to tell you earlier but you can call me Juni if you want,” He says as we start towards my car. “Some creep that guy was.” 

I stop in my tracks, staring at him in delayed shock. How did he know where I was?

“I knew you had to have parked down here and it slipped my mind to walk you back to your car.” Shit. I smile and nod, a fuzzy feeling washing over me at his sincerity for my safety. A part of me laughs at the situation given the hero awards sitting on my shelves at home. We stop at the trunk of my car. 

“Thank you for that,” I tell him truthfully, my eyes downcast since my submissive side decided to stay a while longer. His hand takes my arm. 

“Of course, what kind of person would I be if I didn’t walk you to your car.” His eyes glance around the garage, lingering on my car slightly. My self consciousness kicks in. 

“Thank you! I should be going now.” My words are rushed and I kick myself. “Tonight was great, I’ll text you for a next time.” He nods with a smile and steps back as I get in, locking the doors behind me. I let out a breath and turn the key, before heading out of the garage. My eyes see Juni’s reflection in the side mirror, watching me drive away. An unsettled feeling settles on my shoulders but I chalk it up to not having actual affection for so long. A rare smile graces my lips as I speed back home. 

My apartment is dark when I finally get in the door. A quick shower later and I am lounging on my couch finally getting a chance to read Kiri’s text. 

From Shark Bo y: Setsuna’s water broke

The speed at which I lurch from the couch would rival Midoriya. My fingers fly across the screen as I text him back. 

To Shark Boy : How long ago?

To Shark Boy : Kiri

To Shark Boy : What hospital? Tokyo gen?

My shoes are halfway on when I hear the ding of my discarded phone across my bedroom floor. With absolutely no grace despite all the years of agility training, I dive for my phone. 

[From Shark Boy] : yes. Also im freaking out

[To Shark Boy ] omw be there soon

No less than three minutes, two water bottles, one phone charger, a bag full of snacks and a change of clothes- I am running back to my car. Tokyo general hospital wasn’t the closest building in the world to my building but I slide into a parking spot, my tires possibly smoking in about ten minutes. 

I completely forget the time when I rush up to the reception desk. 

“Kirishima's, what room are they in?” I ask with no regard to volume. The lady looks up from her book with an irritated face and my eyes connect with the clock behind her. 01:23. “Shit, I’m sorry,” I say with a bow, “what room are the Kirishima’s in? They’re having a baby,” I repeat in a quieter voice. Lumbering footsteps pull my attention away from the receptionist who decided to start typing one letter per minute. 

Kirishima’s wrinkled tshirt is the first thing I see, then his bloodshot eyes. Has he been crying? He waves and I ditch the old lady. 

“Ash holy shit you’re here.” He wraps me in a bear hug before setting me back down on the ground. I immediately hand him my extra water bottle which he accepts; thank you written in his glossy eyes. 

“How is she? Obviously not pushing the tyke out since you’re here,” I say, hoisting my bag back up on my shoulder and handing him a snack. 

He opens the bag and begins munching. “She’s okay. Her water broke about four hours ago and so it’s just been contractions. She was worried they’d send her home but they’re close enough that they want her here. Ash I don’t know-”

“Yes you do,” I interrupt him, knowing what he was going to say. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Kiri said, as he held the diaper up. His eyes looked confused as he tilted it in different directions, yet he couldn’t figure out how it was supposed to go on. 

“Yes you do,” I told him, and righted the diaper. After being pushed back towards the teddy bear we were practicing on, his shoulders slumped forward. 

“I’m going to be the worst father.” He sighed. Kiri’s red eyes stared at the bear with hopelessness while I knelt next to him. 

“You’re going to be a great father you idiot.”

He looks at me before we begin to walk back towards Setsuna’s room. I’m excited to see her since I’ve been so busy recently. 

“Have you let everyone else know?” I ask. Antiseptic burns my nose slightly and for a moment, my mind whirls at the last forty eight hours before shaking my head of fogginess. 

“No not yet. You were the first person I thought of and Bakugo said he'd be a bit before he could get here. Something about a fight? Or getting a bite? I don’t know,” Kiri’s voice is exasperated with how his shoulders hang. Subconsciously I feel my body tense up at the mention of Katsuki’s name but my focus stays on Kiri.

Chapter Text

At 3:30 I find myself walking around the hospital. Only a few nurses see me wandering like some transparent ghost, my hand tightly gripping my phone in case Kiri calls. I know I won’t be in the room with them, but I will be close by when it happens. Setsuna looked weary when I saw her last; a hand rubbing her belly to attempt to soothe the contractions. From what Kirishima has told me, it’s been about seven hours since things started. 

Katsuki still hasn’t shown up, thank god, yet the anxiety is still eating away at the growing hole in my chest. It feels flaky, as if one wrong move could cause an entire section to fall away. I rub the ball of my hand over my breastbone to push the ache away. A cough builds up in my chest much to my dismay and I turn towards the wall so as to not disturb anyone. 

Another yellow petal drops into my hand, slightly speckled with blood that stares up at me. A burst of anger swells up in me and I crush the petal in my fist before I could stop myself. As soon as the wave passes, my fist slowly opens to see an ashed yellow smudge in my palm. 

I activated my quirk on it. 

And you call yourself a hero. 

With villainous tendencies like that? 

The coughing starts again, being accompanied by the feeling of being choked which gains the attention of a nearby nurse. I attempt to wave her away before she sees what’s going on but end up doubling over to ease the flames licking my throat. 

“Ma’am are you okay?” Fuck, the nurse. I wave my hand again but she doesn’t leave my side. Wrapping an arm around me, she guides me into an empty room and hands me the trash can. It feels like my ribs are shattering inside my lungs, each breath is sulfur that I can’t get rid of. My fingers grip the trash can as if it will disappear from my hands, my phone discarded on the bed next to me. I pray that Kiri doesn’t call. Set, don’t you dare let that kid out now. 

My head is pushed up suddenly and my jaw pulled open before something is sprayed into my throat. The trash can is rippled into a melted lump of plastic as I throw myself away from the nurse. By the time I look back at her, her hands are up in surrender and she’s staring at the trashcan. 

“Reality Ripple?” Her voice is quiet yet I still flinch. Straightening my sweatshirt, I slip off the other side of the bed. My teeth clench together in frustration. 

She knows. 

They’ll all know. 

He’ll know. 

“What did you do to me?” It’s barely audible, but her eyes meet mine with a determined look on her face before she tosses a bottle on the bed between us. 

“It’s an antiseptic spray designed for Hanahaki. Ripple, I won’t tell anyone you were here but-”

“I was never here, this didn’t-” My voice cracks with my chest, “-this didn’t happen. Forget about it.”

“I can’t do that,” she protests. I clench my fists, noticing my phone still lying on the bed. “Ripple I’m a health care provider I have to-”

“No, you don’t. I’m fine-”

“No you’re not!” My eyes snap up towards her. She looks back at the door as if worried that someone may have heard her. Her shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath before she moves around the bed towards me. On instinct, my hands raise slightly which causes her to stop in her tracks. The expression on her face is mostly unreadable, but after years of training at the hero commission, I can see the anxiety in her features. As much as I don’t want to, I pull my hands behind my back, grasping my fingers together. 

“Ripple-”

“Ashina,” I correct her. After a bit, my hero name gets annoying. 

“Ashina,” she starts, “Look, unfortunately I know what Hanahaki looks like. We deal with it all the time. That spray I gave you numbs the effects for a while, but doesn’t make it go away. You need to find a long term solution before you hit the next stage.”

“The stages of Hanahaki Disease are as follows,” Present Mic stood at the front of the classroom with Mr. Aizawa who looked as bored as ever. His yellow sleeping bag was discarded on the corner by his desk which was unusual. He always slept through stuff like this, yet he stared intently at us. 

Four categories were shown on the board and Present Mic called on students to read much to our annoyance. 

“Stage four. Patient is now in critical condition where only the surgery can remove the disease altogether. Unfortunately, roots and stems have taken residence in the lungs which increases mortality rate during surgery,” I glanced over at Katsuki who looked bored as he read. “At this point, the patient is on their death bed.” 

I shake my head at her words. This isn’t happening. “Is this a diagnosis then?” I ask her in a harsh tone. 

She looks down. “No, you need to be diagnosed by a specialist.”

I huff in both frustration and fear. My eyes flick around the room in an attempt to gather my whirling thoughts. The floor lurches towards me as my legs buckle slightly. This isn’t happening. My phone dings on the bed to which I stalk past the nurse who hasn’t looked back up at me yet. 

[From Katsuki]: where r u?

[From Katsuki] : shitty hair needs ur emotional shit rn

A sigh leaves my lips before the air gets caught in my throat, releasing a hacking cough that has me doubled over on the bed. Long orange petals splatter onto the bed, saliva strung to my lips. 

“Amaryllis,” says the nurse in a grievous tone. I glance over to her. Her eyes are trained on the petals as she recites the meaning, “usually known for pride or in some cases, an issue of pride.”

I grit my teeth at her implications. My back pops as I straighten up, swiping the petals into my palm before rippling them to nothing more than an orange smudge. Without breaking eye contact, I let the ashes fall into the warped trashcan near the door. I leave in silence. 

My phone buzzes again in the pocket of my sweatshirt. 

[From Katsuki] : witch u better get here hes crying now

I can’t help the soft chuckle that rises at the text, knowing how bad Katsuki is with anyone having feelings around him. The hallways remain quiet except for my footfalls, the wanderings of a lost ghost. 

“Ash!” I look up to find the large frame of Kiri curled up as much as he could in the pissed off lap of Katsuki. He pushes off the larger man with a “there she is shit head” before falling back into the waiting room chair. I manage to catch his heavy frame and lead him down to another chair a bit away from Katsuki. Kiri’s red eyes are bloodshot, his nose running from the recent crying. 

“What-”

“Set’s in so much pain and I can’t do anything to help and I tried asking the doctors if they can do anything but they can’t and I don’t-”

I pull his head into my chest, letting his arms encircle my minuscule frame compared to him. His sobs wrack my whole body and I can slowly feel my shirt growing wet. 

“Hey, hey, ” I say softly, pulling his head up. “Just being with Set is gonna help her. Y’all are in this together no matter what and she needs you Kiri. Especially if the doctors can’t do anything for her.”

Kiri’s eyes light up with a type of determination as he sniffles himself straight. A curt nod later, he’s disappeared back into the hospital room. Katsuki looks at me from across the span of the doorway. He huffs and turns away from me. I can barely catch what he says under his breath. 

"I fucking hate you."

As much as my mouth goes dry and the hole in my chest becomes a cavern at his muttered words, I suck it up for Kiri and Set. I’m not here to wallow in my own pain.

"That's cool."

It’s almost as if I dropped a pin. He whirls around towards me as I get up from the chair to go grab a coffee. We were going to be here for a while. 

"You don't care?" He asks me, causing me to stop in front of him. The toes of my shoes tap together as I stare at the floor, my hands jammed in my sweatshirt pocket. 

"Honestly Katsuki,” I start, not even catching my use of his first name, “I've hated myself my whole damn life, I could really care less about how the fuck you feel.”

My throat stays clear despite the blatant lie in my words. Not that Katsuki would pick up on it. I mentally thank the nurse for the spray she gave me since it appears to be doing the job of keeping the petals at bay. Though I let myself grimace once I’ve turned back down the hallway. 

My chest aches as if there was a hole punched through my chest, each breath an agonizing sizzle of burning flesh between my ribs. In all my years of hero work, and even during horrendous UA training, I’d never felt such a painful sensation as this. Tears well up in my eyes, but I rub them away with the back of my sweatshirt sleeve, my skin prickling in mild irritation. 

Chapter Text

My coffee steams in front of my face as I slouch in one of the many cafeteria chairs. After the brief conversation with Katsuki, I couldn’t bring myself to go back upstairs but texted  Kiri to call me if he needs me. He responded only saying that Midoriya and Todoroki are on their way soon. It was close to five in the morning by now, so they would be stopping by before heading to the agency. Thankfully, I had the rest of the weekend off after the recon. 

I rub my fingers absentmindedly over the bandage on my forehead as my brain recounts some flashes of the recon. Dabi’s cold hands around my windpipe. Katsuki’s red eyes glowing in the dark apartment. His hands under my sweatshirt. 

Memories for a fool. 

The words aren’t even that harsh, yet the feeling still stings like a slap across the cheek. I lay my forehead down on the cool metal table, taking deep breaths when I hear someone sit in the chair across from me. Raising my head just enough, I see Todoroki looking at me plainly. 

“What’s up Shoto?” I ask, exhaustion layered over my voice. My head slumps back onto the table. 

“I was just wondering where you were and Katsuki suggested here.”

I swallow thickly at how well Katsuki knows me sometimes. My back pops as I sit back up to return to my slouched position from earlier to look at the dual colored man in front of me. 

“Are you okay?”

Todoroki has always been able to see past my mask, even better than Midoriya. Maybe it’s the crappy parental trauma that we both have, but he’s always known when something was up. 

Unfortunately, I wouldn’t tell him this time. 

“Yeah,” I say mildly, “recon just took a toll on me and now we’re here for Kiri and Set so it’s just a quick turn around.” My hands twist on the table in front of me. 

“You’re lying.” Todoroki’s cool response makes me grit my teeth. “I know because you’re playing with your hands, and you’ve always done that when you’re not telling someone the truth.” 

I shove my hands under the table to hide them from him. My anxiety burns in my throat at his bluntness. “What about it?”

He looks away from me, glancing at the plastic flowers on the table next to us. “This weekend has been rough, I just want to make sure you’re okay because I know you aren’t and I want to fix it.”

Another thing about Todoroki— he always wants to fix things. Solve the problem. It’s funny that Midoriya and him get along so well to the point of engagement. I let my head loll to the side before looking back at him. His expression hasn’t changed. 

With a disgruntled sigh, I sit up straight and fold my hands on the table. “Okay fine.”

For a split second, I see a glimmer of relief in his heterochromatic eyes. 

Like he actually cares. 

“I’m not lying about the reason though, this weekend has been a lot,” I admit, my tone bitter. My lungs feel heavy, as if lined with lead in my chest.

Not to mention being found out. 

My head snaps upright much to Todoroki’s surprise and I shift in my seat. I try not to focus on the words but the idea of being found out— no don’t think about it. Thankfully my phone beginning to buzz in my pocket gives me an out. Kiri’s name blinks up at me which I show to Todoroki before I push up for my chair. 

“Kiri what’s up?” I ask as the two of us race for the stairs. 

“I-I think its- GODDAMNIT,” someone yells into the phone before rustling is heard. Our steps echo in the stairwell, Todoroki taking two at a time as he speeds ahead of me. 

“She- FUCKING GO BACK INSIDE SHITTY HAIR-” I roll my eyes as I figure out that Katsuki has stolen Kiri’s phone, “she’s in active labor, you guys get up here quick.”

“On our way,” I tell him and end the call. The door to the third floor slams open as Tokoroki and I spill out, my shoes slipping on the floor as we make a hard left turn. Out of habit, I rippled the floor for traction but revert it behind me before speeding off. Huffing the antiseptic air as we stop in front of Katsuki and Midoriya, I make wild hand gestures trying to emulate what I wanted to say as I catch my breath. 

“Yes he’s inside, it only started about five or so minutes ago, the nurses are estimating about an hour at the rate she’s going,” Katsuki sums up for me as he reads me. I straighten up with a look of confusion on his face as I realize that he could understand what I was trying to say. My heart rate finally falls back down to normal and I slump in one of the seats in the hallway. My phone tells me it’s close to five in the morning, letting my head rest back on the wall behind me. Todoroki takes the chair to the right of me as Katsuki ends up dropping into the one on my left. I’m too tired to care at this point. 

“Can you guys believe that Kirishima is having a baby right now?” Midoriya’s excitement levels have begun to rise despite the time. I can’t help but groan under my breath. 

“Izuku don’t get too excited, there’s still a bit of time before we’ll be able to see them. Besides it’s late for all of us.” Todoroki’s words seem to stem Midoriya’s excitement which makes my ribcage bare down on my heart. The urge to cough takes a hold of my throat and I excuse myself from the rest of the group. 

Turning the corner of the hallway, I hack into my elbow as quietly as I can, tears pricking my eyes at the strain. That didn't last long. I taste the blood before the petal splashes into the palm of my hand, metallic on my taste buds. Purple petals shine with the blood spattered on them and I bring up the national list of Hanahaki flowers. 

Purple petunias, know for symbolizing-

Well look at that. 

-anger. 

I huff in irritation and another handful of bloody petals drop into my hand. Swallowing the remaining blood in my mouth thickly, I ripple the flowers away which fall to ash on the floor that I brush away with my shoe. Before flopping back down in the chair between Katsuki and Todoroki, I have made an appointment with the Hanahaki specialist at Tokyo Gen. 

—-

Midoriya and Todoroki are leaning on each other fast asleep as it nears six thirty in the morning. My eyes feel heavy and I find myself nodding off every so often. 

“Are you going to sleep or keep jerking around?” My head turns slowly towards Katsuki who’s resting his face on a closed fist. His eyes are closed yet his brows are pulled together in irritation. 

“Can’t sleep,” I mumble and slide down in my chair a bit farther, my chin now resting slightly on my chest. 

“Is it from yesterday?” His sincere question catches me off guard. My breath catches in my throat for a second. 

He doesn’t care, he just wants you to shut up. 

I clear my throat. “Probably.”

A sigh leaves his lips and he opens his stark crimson eyes as he lifts his head. “Dabi made a  poor choice trying to threaten you, especially while I was there-” I roll my eyes at his hubris “-but even besides that, he won’t be able to hurt you.” 

Any response gets lost and I play with my fingers. 

“The drugs are probably being stored near the warehouse, so for Dabi he wanted to enact a power trip. Dumb fuck-” my eyes slowly close as Katsuki rants about the recon mission and his theories. Sleep hadn’t come faster in weeks. 

Chapter Text

The sounds of footsteps and alarms shook me awake. Katsuki paces in the hallway across from my chair as I blink away the grogginess. There almost exists a glowing light around the blond’s silhouette through my blurry vision. His red eyes take ahold of mine. 

“Set’s still in active labor. I bet the kid’s out in the hour.” I check my phone. Seven in the morning. 

“Lunch says the kid’s out in half that,” I challenge with a grin. Katsuki’s eyes flicker with a hunger to win. 

“You’re on,” he agrees and we shake hands. I can’t keep myself from looking at the smile on his face in gleeful competition. Standing from my chair, I swallow down the lump in my throat which I can only assume is more petals, and stretch with a groan. Hospital chairs have never been kind. Setsuna’s file on the closed door has a large black sticker that reads [QUIRK] as is protocol since certain medical practices ended up reacting badly to the presence of quirks. It’s how Set couldn’t just separate her body and be sitting out here with us while her womb bore a child. Plus it would just be weird. 

At the cries and screams from the room, the four of us take a walk to ease the uncomfortableness of listening in. Midoriya and Todoroki chat quietly across from Katsuki and I who are anxiously watching the clock. 

Only got 10 more minutes before I lose. “Hey Katsuki?” He raises his head from his phone and glares at me. “What happens if the kid isn’t born within the hour and we both lose?”

His eyes dart from mine to the clock on the wall, then a smirk rises to his lips. “Then Deku buys us lunch.”
Midoriya looks bewildered as he hears Katsuki’s proposal which has the blond and I laughing as Todoroki argues against the logic. A door slams open and I see Kiri out of the corner of my teary vision with a wild look on his face. I elbow Katsuki who stops yelling at Midoriya and Todoroki and we all face the red head. 

“It’s a boy!” He yells and comes barreling down the hallway at us. Between the four of us, we manage to catch him before steering him back towards the room so he can be with Set and their son. 

“I won bitch you owe me lunch!” I yell at Katsuki who huffs with a faint smile on his pink lips. It’s hard not to notice how he attempts to be unfazed or even upset that he lost our bet, but I know deep down he’s ecstatic for Kirishima. 

Nurses file out from the room as we take our seats again to wait until we’re allowed to go in. I turn towards Katsuki who is slumped in the seat next to me. “Where you taking me for lunch blondie?”

“Don’t fucking call me blondie you witch,” he mutters and slides deeper into his chair much to my amusement. 

“Oh!” Midoriya perks up at a sudden thought. “I want us all to train together in the next couple of weeks as we get ready for the next recon, given our intel about the situation.”

I grasp my fingers together and shift in my seat. 

“What does that mean for those of us who don’t work at your agency?” Katsuki asks,                                                                                         though anger is not present in his voice. I steal a glance at him. 

“We can switch whose agency we work at but at least 90% of the week I want us training together, quirk and quirkless. It’ll help blend our styles together.”

Most heroes had a general sense of what other pro’s quirks were and could fight a villain alongside them with little to no issue. However as the league of villains continued to plague us even after our days at UA, we found that more often than not, heroes were getting grouped up with quirks that worked horribly together. That or they had no common ground to work together other than being Pros. 

“Let’s start on Monday at our agency this week and then we can be at yours next week,” Todoroki suggests as he puts an arm around Midoroya who is yawning. 

“Do you think it’s gonna get that bad?” I ask. 

“It’s already that bad if they have the top five Pro Heroes working this case among many others,” Katsuki retorts. I cock my head at his considerable answer as I stare off into space. How many times have the top Pro Heroes had to work together to rid the world of the League of Villains? 

Too many. For once, I agree with the voice’s logic. 

 ..00000000000000I0 0c- an’t help the sigh that leaves my lips before the door to Set’s room opens quietly. Kiri pops his head out and smiles. 

“Katsuki, Ashina come meet Milo.”

My legs are shaking slightly as I stand up and follow Katsuki into the room. The lights are dimmed with the faint glow from the city’s light pollution shining through the window. Setsuna is holding a bundle of white blankets but I can make out a peek of blue closest to her face. Set’s green hair is pulled back into a messy bun and her face is still sheen with sweat. 

“Hi Set,” I say quietly, to which she smiles tiredly back. Katsuki stands near Kirishima while I sit down on the edge of her bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Sure as hell ain’t great. This kid ended up being nine pounds!” She exclaims, sending a glare towards Kiri who chuckles. I can’t help but smile with them.

“He’s so cute though,” Set murmurs and pulls the hospital blanket away from the little one’s face. A thin mop of greenish black hair sprouts under the blue beanie that makes its way to a pair of round ruddy cheeks. Of course, I want to pinch them, but it can wait until he’s older than ten minutes old. 

“He is.”
“Do you want to hold him?” I look up at Set, then glance over to Kirishima who seems to have gained an entire lifetime’s worth of confidence as he nods at me to take him. Slowly, Setsuna transfers her baby into my arms and I let her adjust him as needed. Babies don’t inherently scare me, but anxiety always spikes. 

At the movement, he scrunches his eyes and brings a small fist to his face before opening his eyes. “Hi Milo,” I coo to bright red eyes. They’re glossy and slowly flick around my face before beginning to cry. I laugh as I hand him back to Setsuna who bounces him gently as I head over to Kirishima. Switching places with Katsuki I elbow Kiri. 

“Y’all made something great Kiri,” I murmur to him. His gaze is cast over his wife and child who chats with his best friend. There’s a shine of tears in his eyes.

“I really didn’t think I get to have this Ash,” He admits, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I mean it’s really crazy, especially given everything going on.”

I nod in agreement, watching Katsuki shake one of Milo’s fists that has his finger trapped. It’s a rare moment to see Katsuki in such a soft setting; the harsh lines of his face brushed away and from my vantage point I can see a faint smile on his face just under shining eyes. I wonder if he’s thinking about ever having something like this. 

Wouldn’t be with you, that’s for sure. 

My hand flies to my throat before I can even feel myself coughing. I wave a hand to excuse myself and leave the room to find a bathroom for some privacy. Keeping my head down so as to not gain the attention of Midoriya and Todoroki, I lock myself in the nearest bathroom stall. Quite a few pink petals fall into my hand with a sickening, bloody plop. I wipe my mouth with the back of my free hand, smearing blood on it before I pull out my phone to search the database. Upon unlocking it, I see a message. 

[From unknown]: Your appointment for 9am Tuesday has been accepted. Please bring any evidence of your symptoms to the appointment if possible. Thank you. 

I swallow thickly and swipe it away. Upon scheduling the appointment, I downloaded the database app for easier access and hid it among my most unused apps in case anyone used my phone. Taking a picture of the petals in my hand, it comes up with the results. 

‘ Bloom petals of a weeping willow. Commonly known for symbolizing feelings of general sadness. Please be advised of any situations you are in that could result in this specific petal. For specialists please see-’ 

I stop reading the page and sigh. Sadness huh? Why am I not surprised. My phone buzzes in my hand. 

[ From Todoroki ]: are you okay?

[ To Todoroki ]: yeah just needed the bathroom 

Letting the petals fall from my hand and into the toilet, I flush the receptacle and exit to wash my hands of blood and saliva. When I look up, I find someone gaunt staring back at me. 

Chapter Text

There’s a paleness to my face as I stare back at myself. My cheekbones look a little sharper due to the dark circles around my eyes and my hair is frizzy at the hairline. I need to shower. Drying my hands off and pocketing my phone, I head back to the room. 

At this point, everyone is inside the room chatting quietly. Milo has been placed in his little hospital crib which is next to Setsuna’s bed, who looks so tired that she’ll fall asleep any minute. 

“Ash, hey,” Midoriya greets me. “We were just gonna get out of here so the two new parents could get some sleep.”

“We all need sleep you dumb nerd,” Katsuki counters from the wall to my right, his arms crossed over his chest. 

I laugh but nod my head in agreement. “I can come back tomorrow and visit in the afternoon. Get y’all anything you need before you’re discharged.”

Kiri and Setsuna thank me before everyone shares their goodbyes. The four of us head towards the parking lot with tired eyes. My duffle bag bounces against my leg and I straighten my back with a multitude of cracks. 

“Okay so Monday we start training at Midoriya’s agency?” I ask to make sure I have all my shit in order. 

“Yep! Kirishima probably won’t make it in for a while but that’s okay,” Midoriya says with a smile and wraps an arm around Todoroki’s waist. I wave towards the couple and fall into step with Katsuki as we ended up parking close to each other. 

“I’ll see you Monday then?” I ask hesitantly to make a bit of small talk. 

“I’ll be stopping by here tomorrow too,” Katsuki huffs in response. His shoulders are curled inward slightly and he won’t meet my eyes. 

“Are you okay?” 

His shoulders seize up for a minute and I can see the outline of his shoulder blades under his shirt before he shrugs on his jacket. A sigh leaves his lips and I swear I see him shake his head. 

“Don’t crash in the rain.” Before I can answer, he’s turned towards his vehicle and gotten in the driver’s seat. I’m illuminated in his headlights- the light drizzle of rain shining in the space between us- before he backs out and pulls away. My breath comes in hazy puffs in the cool air and I struggle to open my door and slide in. What was that?  

—

The sunlight is harsh when I finally come to consciousness. Even with the shutters, it finds a way to prick into my glossy eyes and pull me into the world. My clock reads two in the afternoon after finally getting some sleep. Sending a quick text to Kirishima asking what he needs, I head into the bathroom to take a shower. 

The hot water is almost velvet on my skin as I scrub away this weekend’s events and lather my hair. I should probably get a haircut soon. I hear my phone buzz on the counter after I rinse out my conditioner and shut off the water, pulling a towel around me. The cool air pricks my skin and I wipe my face of water droplets before opening the message. 

[ From Katsuki ]: I’m stopping at shitty hair’s apt for clothes, can u bring food?

A warm feeling comes over my chest before it’s ripped away by the rising pressure to cough. My phone clatters to the floor as my hands grasp the sides of my sink. The coughs wrack my body, sending it hunched over and pain seizing my spine through my ribcage. On instinct, my hand covers my mouth as soon as the thick feeling of an object in my throat arises. The petals drop into my hand but the coughing doesn’t stop. I flick them into the sink and continue to cough into the white basin. 

The air that I finally suck in is wet with steam. My body wavers in front of my sink, a wet paper feeling in my knees. Mustering the energy to lift my head, I finally survey the damage. I face the mirror, paler than any ghost that I could have seen on a given day. Blood slowly slides down my cracked and chapped lips, onto the floor with a sickening splat. My hand gripping at the sink is staining the marble red while the other rests limply. 

The crashing down onto my elbows focuses my vision on what I was looking at. The stark contrast of my darkened hair, wet from the shower, to my pale face has my jaw slack. A dark, maroon shade of blood covered almost the entirety of my palm, dripping down onto the tile floor. As much as my brain wanted to contextualize the blood on the floor as if I had come back from a fight during work, the horror still seeped through my body as if winter had come into my bathroom. It looks like split life, and my face reflected the feeling of a ghost afraid of the light. These petals of purple hyacinth look like bruises bathed with blood splattered in the white basin of the sink. 

The water is cold while I clean the sink. My consciousness is removed from my body, acting as if I was robotic as I clean and scrub. Red fades to pink and fades to clear as I run water over the liquid life that I spilled. My bath towel is now stained as I rub the blood off the tile. There is a hint of maroon in the grout that I’ll need to scrub later when I get home. Picking up my phone, I send a text back to Katsuki that I’ll pick up something on the way over. He tells me to hurry up, but for once I could care less what he has to say. 

Autopilot is on as I get dressed, my brain swirling through convoluted images of the petals. Only after seeing the color reflected behind my eyes for the third time do I gain a sense of consciousness back and search the app. 

‘ Purple hyacinths: sorrow’

A groan leaves my lips at the symbolism and I toss my phone onto the bed. The jeans that are in my hand are discarded as I opt for a pair of plain straight fitting pants to stay comfortable. Thankfully the color has returned to my face by the time I go to make myself look presentable. 

—-

“Hi guys,” I say as I enter the room. Kirishima is holding Milo while Setsuna is sitting on the edge of the bed with a smile. Katsuki is nowhere to be found. 

“Hi Ash!” Set exclaims and closes the gap between us on shaky legs to pull me into a hug. 

“Are you sure you should be up and about already?” I ask, looking at Kirishima for backup. He simply shrugs his shoulders. 

“I’ve already tried Ash, she won’t listen.”

“Oh hush,” Set retorts, rolling her eyes. “I’m not dying, I just had a baby and I’m perfectly capable of being up and about. Besides-” she sits back down on the bed with a huff “-the doctors said that I should be walking around anyways.”

“No they said you should be getting up every once in a while,” a voice says from the door. I turn to see Katsuki with a tray of coffee cups in his hands. He nods at me before handing me one and sets one down in front of Kirishima before handing the last one to Setsuna. 

“And you’re already having coffee Set?”

“It’s tea. Katsuki made sure of that,” she tells me with a slight glare towards the blond who simply shrugs as he sips his drink. 

“I wasn’t going to fall for that.” He leans back against the wall and looks down at Milo in Kiri’s arms. The child is practically a speck in his massive arms, the blue beanie being the only thing visible. 

“He really is precious,” says Katsuki quietly. My phone dings in my pocket. An email from the agency pops up with new information about a case I was working on before getting pulled into the LOV team up. Scrolling through the unread emails, I come to the conclusion that I have quite a bit of paperwork to do when I get back to the office Monday. 

“Hey Katsuki, are you still coming on my patrol with me when we train at Midoriya’s agency?” I don’t bother looking at him while I skim emails. 

“Yeah I thought that was obvious dumbass.”

“Hey!” Kirishima butts in. “Don’t curse around my child.”

I look up from my phone, first at Kirishima then over to Katsuki who is looking at Kiri with an incredulous look on his face. 

“He’s like ten hours old, what is he gonna do?” Katsuki argues back. “He can’t even recognize you two let alone copy what I’m saying,” he grumbles. 

Setsuna laughs from her bed. “Eijiro hun, he has a point. Chastise him once Milo can speak.” Katsuki nodded his approval as I chuckled. 

“Being a Pro Hero is hard for many different reasons,” Ms. Midnight told me as we sat in the teacher’s lounge. She looked over at Mr. Aizawa and Present Mic with a strange expression. “Not only do we face death at almost every turn, but it’s hard to have a normal life outside of hero work,” she sighed. I took another bite of my sandwich and my leg bounced. 

“I don’t think that’ll be too difficult for me,” I said, almost in a whisper. My thoughts drifted over to the different people who we all knew would become couples at some point and how I wouldn’t be included in that list. 

“Even if you don’t want the relationship or the family, it’s still hard to feel any kind of normal.”

I glance over at Kiri who has given Milo over to Set so she could breastfeed him. Katsuki stands from his spot on the wall and clears his throat. 

“That’s my que to leave,” he says and glances over at me. “Do you wanna grab that bet I owe you?” 

My head cocks to one side in slight amusement at his question. “Sure, why not,” I say and push off the wall as well. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Set and Kiri share a look before waving bye to the two of us as we head out. 

“Where are we going for this so-called lunch bet?” 

“Korean BBQ place nearby, if I lost the bet and have to buy you lunch I should get to choose where we go.”

I nod to myself at his claim. “Fair point.” 

We decide to meet at the restaurant rather than having to deal with carpooling back to the hospital after lunch. At this point it's more of an early dinner but I’ll never complain of a free meal. 

Sliding into the booth across from Katsuki, I snatch a menu from him before he takes one from me. His crimson eyes flick across my action before settling on his own menu. He orders a bottle of sake for us before letting his menu settle on the table on top of mine after we order our food. 

“What do you think of the joint training?” Katsuki’s voice is on the quieter side. It was rare to hear his voice in a normal tone and my mind flashes back to late night cooking in the dorms so many years ago. I shake my head to rid myself of the thoughts and take a breath. 

“It’s not a bad idea.” I begin playing with the napkin in front of me. “I’m most used to Midoriya and Shoto’s styles of fighting after all these years of working with them. Kiri’s and especially your style of fighting is forign to me,” I admit finally, not meeting his eyes. 

“Makes sense, you’ve avoided working with me since high school.” His tone is bland, as if it didn’t bother him at all. I gather the nerve to glance up and find him watching me. My cheeks heat up from his gaze and I run my fingers through my hair with a shaky hand. 

“Besides, I mostly know your fighting style along with the other extras,” Katsuki adds before taking a sip of his sake. 

My head cocks to the side. “You do?”

He nods, swallowing. “I always keep tabs on the other heros in my area. Maybe that’s why you’ve never ranked higher than me, witch.”

I can’t help but chuckle at the half hearted insult from the blond. His spikes seem softer today; not as aggressive and off putting as they usually are. A small smile ghosts his face at the jab and my throat constricts to which I swallow sake to push the petals down for the time being. 

We’re getting along for once, I can’t ruin it. 

Good luck not screwing this up. 

Thankfully our food shows up and the conversation dies down. My mind thinks through training, both how it’ll go as well as how to keep my symptoms in check. Should I be more concerned about them?  

“Morana-”

Now it’s the case. Not only do I need to worry about training with them but also combat with them? I know the laws-

“Ashina-”
-against this type of thing but at this rate with the LOV there might not be anything I can do yet to help-

“Ash!” I’m pulled out of the tidal wave of thoughts by my name on Katsuki’s tongue. It sounds velvety and rich rather than a disembodied idea of myself. 

“What?”

“I asked how your food was.”

My stare drops down to the food that drapes on my fork that I was about to eat before being pulled out of my thoughts. With the whirling in my brain, I couldn’t even remember what the food tasted like. I shove the bite in my mouth and chew, holding up a finger to tell Katsuki to wait a moment. My swallow is harsh but I smile at him painfully. 

“It’s great, honestly!” 

He rolls his eyes and takes another bite of his own food. “You’re really lost in your own head aren’t you?” 

I freeze for a moment at his observation and duck my head. Steam wafts into my face from my food making my skin damp and cold when the air brushes around it. 

“So anyways the training tomorrow, what do you think Midoriya will have us do?” Thankfully we’re finishing up quick, so I don’t expect a long conversation. 

“Probably starting off with quick data. Reflexes, specific special moves, shit like that. Deku will want to make sure his own data of all of us is up to date,” Katsuki answers. It’s not hard to see how intelligent the blond is with a calculated answer like that. 

“You don’t think we’ll start hand to hand?” 

“He’ll mix it in. Can’t be only doing hand to hand otherwise it’ll be too predictable. Besides it’s not everyday training,” He adds and drops his chopsticks onto his plate. I nod in agreement as we clean up our table for the staff and wait for the check. 

“Did shitty hair ask you to babysit too?” 

The question catches me off guard. “What?”

Katsuki huffs and rests his head in his hand. “Before Milo was born, maybe a month or so ago, he asked if I would be up for babysitting when they needed it and I thought I told him to fuck off but he reminded me of it this morning.”

I have to cover my mouth with my hand to stifle the torrent of giggles that threatened to get me killed. The thought of Katsuki babysitting has all my disastrous thoughts fading like smoke in the wind. 

I clear my throat, “Of course he asked me. I did so much volunteer work with the elementary schools because I could reverse damage of emerging quirks that I got really good with kids. Plus he practically assumed I would.” 

Katsuki huffs again then says in an almost inaudible whisper, “He also said that we would be doing it together.”

I choke and splutter on my water before sucking in a breath. “He what?” 

Katsuki simply nods his head that I heard him right. My gaze flicks around the restaurant as I process what he said. Together? Babysitting an actual child? I shake my head to clear it before looking back at Katsuki who’s signing his name on the receipt. He stands before I could get a word in but waits for me to exit the booth. 

“Anyways, probably won’t be for a while so don’t get all fucked up about it,” he tells me as we head towards the parking lot. “Also, my debt has been paid. You got lucky with that kid,” he says, a smile ghosting his face. I can’t help but smile back and give him a small wave as he speeds away. 

Getting into my car, the small blip of a happy feeling is expunged by my throat constricting harshly, burning waves of pain washing through my ribs with no concern of my wellbeing. Covering my mouth with both hands, I hack at the obstruction in my throat, tears pricking my eyes as the fear of death hangs closer than any hero mission. The blood that splatters, falling in between the harsh creases of my palms are red almost black with pink oval petals plastered in the lifeblood. It drips over my lips and is stark against my pale face that I see reflected back at me in my rearview mirror. 

Chapter Text

‘ Japanese Anemone usually of a pink or red color commonly known for symbolizing feelings of forsakenness or forsaken love. Please be advised of any situations you are in that could result in this specific pet-’ 

The open page on my phone on the database stares at me in the darkness of my bedroom. It’s six in the morning with the rising sun only a glimmer away from dousing the world in light. Except for the fact that I do not want to see the sun today. I exit the page and stand from my bed, stretching with a muffled groan. 

Yesterday’s time at the agency went off without any issues. Katsuki was annoying as ever and even training wasn’t that bad since Midoriya wanted to spar with him so I paired up against Todoroki. Patrol was the same mediocre time it’s always been, though Katsuki didn’t join me this time oddly enough. 

Slipping on my running shoes, I head out for a quick run before my appointment at the hospital. Sleep wasn’t my friend last night as I tossed and turned through the never ending debate of going or not going. Ultimately the morning sun made the decision for me. 

The air is brisk in my lungs, eliciting a sweet burn between my ribs much unlike the times when petals are tearing their way out. Not many people are out either, leaving the sidewalk open for me. Making my way towards the river, I slow to a stop and look out over the rising sun that pierces my eyes. Puffs of air glisten in the space before me and I can’t help but manipulate the clouds a bit to make shapes out of the water droplets from my breath. A smile rises to my face before I wave them away. By the time I get home, my legs burn and my brain tells me that food is needed soon. 

—-

“Ashina?” I look up from the game I was playing on my phone to the nurse who has called my name. There’s a whole separate section of the hospital for Hanahaki, despite it not being a contagious disease. Something about privacy I think. I follow her through the doorway and into a screening room to which I’m told that a specialist will be with me shortly. Hopped up on the observation table, I swing my legs back and forth as my anxiety signals my brain to fidget. An alert screaming in my head saying “ ALERT ALERT. UNCOMFORTABLE, MOVEMENT REQUIRED” or some shit like that. 

A quiet knock on the door resounds in the room before a woman with long dark hair steps in with the nurse I ran into a few days prior. The shock must be evident on my face. 

“I know, hi, I’m required to be here since I am a witness to your symptoms and such,” she trails off and looks at the specialist who gives her a sincere smile. 

“Yes, nurse Takeda was a witness to your symptoms so she’ll be here to assist me,” the doctor puts her computer down and shakes my hand, “I’m Dr. Majukaida, specialist on Hanahaki Disease.”

I nod numbly and let my hand drop into my lap. Dr. Majukaida sits down in the chair opposite myself while Takeda appears to be getting some sort of device ready. 

“So, quick overview of this process. We’re going to go over the background, any symptoms you’ve been having, a quick screening and diagnosis then we’ll go over treatment options. Any questions?”
My brain is whirling but I nod again to get the process over with. I know that I can throw myself into my work once I get done here. 

“Alrighty! So the background of Hanahaki and how it affects people, we have a new pamphlet for you to read so that we can work on symptoms and diagnosis quicker. Have you been having any symptoms noted on the inside pages of the pamphlet?”

The glossy paper is crumpled in my clammy hands and it takes a good amount of will to not accidentally ripple it. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Takeda eyeing my hands, probably in similar apprehension. The stages are broken up into each set of symptoms with bright colorful pictures as reference. As if this disease isn’t the personification of your heart ripping itself inside out from a love you could never have. That being slowly killed by the most beautiful things is something someone could smile about. 

I close the pamphlet harshly. “Petals. I’ve been choking on and throwing up petals.”

“Any blood or other bodily fluid on those petals?”
“Blood and saliva mostly. The blood has been more recent.” She notes it on whatever file has now been created on me. 

“What specific petals, or if you have any-”

“I don’t have any with me,” I cut her off. “Recently there’s been japanese anemone, carnations, some orange flower-”

“Amaryllis,” Takeda cuts in, not meeting my eyes as they snap to her. 

I take a breath and wrack my brain for any other flower types. “Purple petunias, and weeping willow blossoms I believe are all the ones I’ve had.”

“Alright, now we’re going to use this scanner, it works similar to an x-ray, to see how far things may have progressed and we can diagnose you with a proper stage.” 

Takeda rolls the machine up to me which sits at chest level facing towards the two of them. Switching the room lights off and the machine on, a sterile blueish purple glow illuminates their faces. Dr. Majukaida makes marks on the machine as I try to keep my breathing steady, not wanting to repeat the process. 

Takeda turns the lights back on while Dr. Majukaida makes some final notes on the machine before turning it around so I can see. 

“Alright so, here we have your upper chest; lungs, heart stuff like that.” Her pen points out the different features of my body that have been immortalized in x-ray format. “So here we are seeing the petals as an obstruction here in your throat, but I’m not seeing many stems or even roots yet.”

My eyes stick on the dark mass that hovers in my upper lungs just about where my throat would start. It almost looks like a tumor. My hand rubs my breastbone absentmindedly as I stare at my body. 

“So down here at the base of your lungs, I am seeing the hint of root growth which means that things are progressing.” She removes the sheet from the machine and places my scan down next to her. A black QUIRK sticker is placed on the scan by Takeda. It’s shocking against the pale scan and for the first time in my life, I feel outcasted by having a quirk. 

“So, by the scan, you are well into the beginning of stage 2. Roots and stems have not started which means that there are many more treatment options then there are in the later stages.”

More treatments, thank god. 

More ways to fail. 

What are you gonna do about hero work huh?

“So uh, what types of treatments can I get?” My voice wavers slightly and I straighten my back to gain some more stability. 

The doctor hands me a sheet of paper detailing the different treatments from basic to intense. The heavier treatments require weeks of hospital stays which I want to hopefully not resort to if I plan to keep this under wraps. 

“So as detailed in the paper I just handed you, there’s a variety from easy to intense if you wanted to attempt to knock it out fast with the proper outside care. Once you’ve hit stage three though, you will be labeled as having Hanahaki and will be removed from hero work. At this point we will notify your agency-”

“That’s not necessary!” My voice is somewhat shrill at the anxiety that has spiked in my bloodstream. “I uh- I already told them that I probably had it and was getting diagnosed soon. So, so, we don’t need to do that.”

The doctor and Takeda give me a quizzical look. 

“Ms. Morana, we know of your status in hero society but rules are rules-”

“The rules about Hanahaki are as follows,” Mr. Aizawa began with a tentative look on his face. They’re stark on the projector with different sections for different groups of people. Civilians. Health Care. Police and Military. Government. Heroes. Only one group didn’t have the stark black lettering in stage three of “REMOVED FROM POSITION”; civilians. And under stage three of heroes, the words “BANNED” and no stage 4 rules available. 

“- so unless you send us proof that your agency knows of your diagnosis, we’ll be contacting them in the next 48 hours.” I squeeze my eyes shut to come back to the current moment. My hands are still shaking. 

“So what’s the next steps?” 

“To avoid a long period of time in the hospital due to your line of work, we recommend the intermediate level of treatments. Let’s book you for a nitroglycerin treatment for any scarring that may have already developed in your airways right after one of the more difficult breathing treatments.” My eyes scan the treatment details as she talks. 

“Ms. Morana, are you currently seeing a therapist or general counselor?” Dr. Majukaida asks, startling me out of my reading. 

“No not currently,” I say, shaking my head. The corner of the treatment paper is crumpled slightly from me playing with it so much. 

“We’ll start you with one of our Hanahaki specialists. The receptionist will schedule your meeting with them as well as your next appointment with us which won't be for a while.” The nurse jots down some notes on my file. I can’t help but stare at the big black quirk sticker on the pale manila folder. My brain flows in and out of thinking about next steps, treatments, what I’m going to tell Isabella at the agency-
“Ma’am?” My eyes flick over to the doctor. 

I clear my throat, “Yes?” 

She looks me up and down for a minute. “You’re clear to leave. The receptionist will get you set from here.” With that, she leaves out the door. Only nurse Takeda and I remain. 

“You haven’t told your agency have you?”

My jaw clenches. “I’m not going to lie, you’re meddlesome you know.” 

She laughs and sits down on the stool in front of me. “In a sense, it’s my job.” Her hands are clasped in her lap and she lets out a sigh. 

I can’t bring myself to look at her. The paper crumples in my hands some more. “I uh,” I take a deep breath, “Yeah, I haven’t told them yet. But you probably know how it is.” Takeda looks at me with concern in her eyes. “They expect us to be the best with no issues, no trauma, just heroes day in and day out, there isn’t even a way that I can’t out myself if this gets out. That’s why I have to just deal with it and say that my agency knows.”

I’m a bit winded from my rant and try to collect myself. All the worrisome thoughts slosh around my mind that it takes me a second to realize that Takeda was speaking again. 

“I won’t lie, I can’t imagine the stresses that Hanahaki puts on anyone, much less someone in hero society.” She stands from the stool and opens the door. “If you do the treatments and the counseling, you should be fine, just don’t do anything that would make it worse.”

Chapter Text

“Thanks so much Bakubro. We needed this,” Eijiro claps me on the shoulder as he follows Setsuna out their apartment door. I roll my eyes and mumble a begrudging ‘welcome’ before shutting the door behind him. Milo babbles out in the living room on his playmat as I pad back into the unit. 

“Mom and Dad went out to dinner, you better not get me into any trouble, kid.” His burgundy eyes shift over to me but from the glassy look, he has no idea what he’s looking at. It’s been about three weeks since Milo was born and he’s still so small. He’s wearing his shark onesie as he twists towards me just as an alarm goes off. My shoulders jump slightly at the loud noise but take a swift breath and keep my foul words to myself. 

Eijiro’s tablet on the counter screams at me that I need to make Milo a bottle for the night. I attempt to shut the alarm off but miss the silence button to which I snatch the fucking tablet off the counter. Slamming my thumb on the button which shuts up the tablet, I take a sigh of relief. Of course Shitty hair and Setsuna have alarms— do they not think I’m capable of handling a child? 

Milo’s high pitched cry rings out in response to the alarm. 

I toss the tablet onto the counter to go sweep Milo off his play mat and into my arms, bouncing him as I make my way back to the kitchen. 

“Thanks for being small squirt,” I mumble to Milo as I rifle through the cabinets to look for a bottle as well as formula. Setsuna went into a long winded explanation to why they had formula in the house and why she was using it over breastfeeding and all these other things. Her reasoning was good though— she’s been struggling to get Milo to take her and she even started crying about it. 

An angry puff of air shoots from my nose at not being able to find the bottles after finally finding the formula. Milo now has snot dripping down my shoulder as he wails in my arms. 

“Where the fuck is the bottle?” I seethe to the empty room. Nothing in the sink. Nothing in the cupboard. I stalk to the kid’s nursery and also find nothing. 

“Fuck!” My outburst only makes Milo cry harder at the volume of my voice. “Fuck, fuck I’m sorry Milo,” I coo, trying to shush him. His small body bounces in rhythm with mine as I pace the living room to try to remember where Eijiro said the bottles were. 

I could call him. 

No that’s stupid; they’d think I was incompetent. 

Checking the tablet that I discarded on the counter, I see if there are any notes on where stuff is kept but I find nothing other than cute photos of Milo and apps to keep him entertained. Set also cried about wanting to keep from using technology to entertain Milo but has been unable to be as good as something called Cocomelon? Who the fuck knows. 

I pull out my phone to call Eijiro but see Ashina’s name on my recent calls. Shit she would probably know, the witch. 

Ring. 

Ring. 

“Pick the fuck up,” I mutter, still bouncing Milo who’s wails are no less quieter than they were ten minutes ago. 

“ Hello? ”

“Witch,” I practically shout into the receiver. I can only imagine how loud Milo’s cries are over the phone. 

“ Bakugo? What’s up? ” Her voice sounds strained slightly. 

“Where the fuck are the bottles for Milo? I can’t find them anywhere and he’s screaming bloody fucking murder.” As a response to my vulgar words, Milo’s cries reach an octave higher. 

“ His bottles? Uh, shit— ” A ghost of a smile reaches my lips at her curse “ Oh! They’re in the kitchen island first drawer on the right when you’re facing away from the sink. ” I make my way over to the island to her directions and pull open the drawer to find four bottles and their respective lids. 

“Fucking shit there they are,” I say and grab one to fill up with formula. Ashina breathes a sigh of relief but a muffled rustling and a muted curse can be heard. “You good witch?”

“ Fuck— yeah! Uh I’m fine I’m glad I could help, I uh— I have to go but text me if you need anything while you watch Milo. Okay bye! ” 

I don’t get to respond before the line clicks dead. Preoccupied with getting Milo his bottle so he’ll shut up, I set my phone down and finish up. I have to end up testing the water on my inner elbow rather than my wrist a few times to make sure the temperature was correct— fucking nerve damage— before setting him on my lap with the bottle.  

“What the fuck was her deal?” I ask Milo who sucks on the bottle, his glossy red eyes watching me. Hoisting him up in my arms, I head back over to grab my phone that I left on the kitchen island. The call time looks back up at me innocently— just over a minute —to which I scoff. 

“Usually she’s chatty, at least with fucking Deku and Shitty Hair.” My mind sends me back to high school where the witch and I would grab lunch after Present Mic’s class. 

“Midoriya are you coming?” I looked over to see Ashina tapping her foot in the doorway of the classroom. Deku was cleaning up his books and whatever crap he had out for the stupid class we just had. 

“Yeah Ash I’ll be there in a sec!”

I stood up from my seat and slung my backpack over my shoulder. My footsteps echoed towards Ashina who didn’t meet my eyes.

“Can we talk?” I muttered under my breath as I reached her. She scoffed and turned away from me. 

“I have nothing to say to you.” She glanced up at me before she turned and followed Deku into the hallway. 

I take a deep breath and shift Milo in my lap. How many times has it been like that? Milo gurgles below me and I take his bottle from him for a minute and set it next to me so I could burp him. The white towel covers my shoulder that I rest the kiddo on and stand up so I can pace. 

“Do I ruin relationships with people?” I ask the empty room, patting Milo’s back rhythmically. My mind flits back to the handful of lunch outings I’ve had with Ashina and how quiet she always is. No. She’s always been quiet with me, ever since the summer before senior year. My body sways while my brain races, trying to piece together memories and feelings and emotions. Stupid shit. 

Taking Milo with his bottle, I head over to the couch and flick on the TV. His sucking is white noise with the new channel in the background as I think over the next few weeks. Training again on Monday with the group and some extras for team ups. Deku will probably have me spar with the witch as much as possible since he thinks we work so well together. I can’t help but scoff at the thought, however my mind replays Ashina being thrown through the air by Dabi. My chest tightens painfully. 

Milo finishes the bottle and I set him up to burp on the cloth. “Don’t get it on my shirt you little fucker. I don’t care if you’re the kid of my best friend, I’ll still be mad.”

His glossy burgundy eyes pass over my face as I pat his back. He burbles and I roll my eyes. Turning back to the TV screen I see some K-drama shit is now on. I scoff. 

“But wait!” the character cries. 

“ But wait,” I mock in a high pitched voice, still patting Milo. “What a fucking joke.”

My thumb hovers over the channel button as the words ring in my ears, no matter how damaged they are from hero work. 

I fucking hate you. 

I fucking hate you. 

I fucking hate you. 

Ashina’s bleary eyes clouds my vision and the living room falls away to just a few weeks ago in the hospital. The words- I said…

How could I have said that to her? 

It wasn’t difficult to imagine how that could’ve felt, even if she appeared as if I had simply told her my coffee order. The way her throat bobbed as she swallowed my words even as sharp as they were. My own throat itched as if I had swallowed thorns. 

It was the warm sploosh of Milo burping up some of the milk onto the towel and myself that brought me back. Eyes refocusing on the present moment, I’m too numb to curse and head to the bathroom to clean the two of us up. I’ve become robotic and monotone in my actions. 

Milo looks up at me from his changing table as I switch him into some dinosaur pjs. 

“S’cute bud,” I murmur to the kid. He stops wiggling and looks up at me with an appearance of concern. It’s the straw that breaks me. 

“I just- I don’t know why or how I keep doing this,” I start. Inside my brain, the floodgates have been broken open and I can’t stop the rush of feeling that I try to keep so hard at bay. Feelings can get you killed, we all know that as heroes, but- “ why do I keep hurting people? I don’t understand I thought I fixed it, I fixed it with Deku but then I lost Ash and I still don’t know why she cut me out of her life. What did I do wrong?”

Milo’s tongue is out he’s now drooling on himself. With a sigh, I pick him back up and bounce him so I can settle him down for the night. 

“Young Bakugo,” I looked up to see All Might coming my way, his suit hung off of his smaller frame that I’ve gotten used to. 

“What do you want All Might?” I asked with irritation. Present Mic’s English homework was kicking my ass and I was 5 seconds away from blowing it to ashes. 

“What’s going on with young Morana?” His question startled me. 

“Huh? Why the fuck would I know,” I answered, but set my pencil down, “S’not like she talks to me anymore.” I’ve tried for weeks now. But after I asked Asui to our homecoming, she hasn’t looked at me the same. Even our sparring matches have gone out the window. 

I rub my throat which has constricted painfully at the onslaught of memories. Memories of my failures as a friend. Milo has quieted down and I carefully set him down in his crib and tiptoe out of the room after making sure that the window was locked. Eijiro’s couch seemed to swallow me up as I fell back onto it, trying to keep myself from disappearing into my mind. The TV plays quietly in the background of some romance movie. 

“Bakugo!” Half and half runs up to me, quickly putting out the fire that was consuming the room. I held a charred blanket in my hands, the blue fuzzy material ruined. My eyes watered either from the smoke or from the event--

My foot is bouncing. I can feel it. 

“Bakugo?” Mr. Aizawa steps through the blackened door frame. It was just a rescue mission. A small house fire in a suburban neighborhood. No one said that it was--

“Bakugo it happens, come on we need to get out of the house so the investigation crew can get in here.” There was a hand on my shoulder. I could feel it. But at the same time I couldn’t--

Is my hand shaking? 

I shoved the hand off my shoulder and almost ran out of the house and through the shattered front doors. Lights were flashing everywhere and I could hear people yelling. Whether they were yelling my name or yelling in general was lost to me. It was muted, blurry, unfocused, and overwhelming. There was a ringing in my head and I clasped my hands over my ears . What the fuck did I get myself into? This was hero work? All of this pain and bullshit and loss-- how the fuck does anyone handle it? 

I think it is but I can’t tell where it is. Is this the couch I’m on or the floor? 

I pushed my way through people; civilians, first responders, heroes, everyone. The noise was deafening and too quiet at the same time. Soon enough I landed in some back alleyway to which I collapsed in a heap. My hands were shaking. Why couldn’t I get them to stop shaking? 

Is that noise the baby monitor? I need to get up. 

My knees were pulled up to my chest and I couldn’t stop myself from shuddering. I needed to get my shit under control before I went back to the dorms. Fucking hell. My head hit the wall behind me and I held my breath to stop the shuttering in my ribcage. A crash sounded down the alleyway that caught my attention. My shaking stopped and I scanned the darkness. I could tell my body was alert and that the anxiety had transformed into adrenaline. A mass came flying out of the darkness, blue flames followed it as it crashed into the dumpster near me, but I couldn’t tell who it was despite barely comprehending that it was a body. 

Get up body. Get up. 

I jumped to my feet as soon as I saw the blue flames. The baby blanket flashed behind my eyes and a rage filled my body. My quirk makes me feel angry more often than others, but this coiling beast that filled my veins was different. It was in pain and it was vengeful. A salt covered wound in my heart. A groan caught my attention and I focused on the person that was slowly getting back to their feet. Faintly, I could see Dabi’s silhouette in the dark alley. I clenched my fists, my gauntlets feeling heavy. My whole body felt heavy. Too bad, I need to help this person. A flash of braid caught my eye and I froze. 

Okay one leg up. Now the other one. 

I was rooted to the ground. Her braids whipped behind her as she ran at Dabi. Does she even know I’m here? Blue flames were battled by the brick she rippled. My legs felt weak and I had to lean against the side of the building. Something had opened up in my ribs; hot, pulsing, and nuclear. She got pushed back again, falling to her knees. Dabi was closer now. My hands felt weak, as if I was quirkless. The adrenaline was present, but it was colling and morphing into a fear based adrenaline. My mouth went dry. I couldn’t run to her, I was stuck in my own head and rooted in fear. 

Okay now sit up. Up. Up. Sit up. 

She was bleeding. I could hear the blood splashing onto the concrete even with my damaged hearing. It was loud, a pounding in my chest and in my skull. It was like I was only tuned into her pain and her suffering. Yet it’s been two months since she’s talked to me. What happened? What went wrong? Suddenly, blue flames erupted and lit up the alleyway. Ashina finally saw me, blood streaked her face and dripped from her lips. She looked as if she had been crying. 

The world comes rushing back as I get a gasped breath of air in my lungs. My whole body hurts as if I had been a punching bag for training. The memory bounces around in my brain and my face feels hot. Milo’s room is blurry as I lean heavily against the door frame. Rubbing my eyes, my knuckles come away wet. Had I been crying? 

Milo is still screaming and crying as I cross the room and scoop him up into my arms, shushing him. His tiny body slots against mine and I pace the room, slowly bobbing up and down to calm him. 

“I’m sorry Milo, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Chapter Text

“Okay wait you can do what now?” Kiri’s hands are on his knees as he sucks in air. Both of us are wearing weighted suits to help with hand to hand combat. Except they’re not only heavy but they’re hot. I pull at the neckline. 

“In-inorganic material in the body,” I start before letting my head drop while I get some air back in my lungs, “I can ripple inorganic material in the body.”

A bo staff hits me in the back of my left knee, causing my leg to crumple. Finding myself on my knees in front of Katsuki isn’t pleasant most of the time. Still breathing heavily, I glare up at him, hair falling onto my sweaty and flushed face that definitely has a look of annoyance on it. 

“You need more cardio training,” he says to me. The bo staff is resting up on his right shoulder, his tan skin gleaming with sweat. He only has a blank tank top and gym shorts on. Something ignites in my core and a masochistic smile rises to my face. 

“Let’s go do cardio then.” Katsuki’s eyes flash and I see his mouth go slack. Tilting my head down, I look up through my lashes more. Red eyes follow my pink tongue as I wet my lips before he shakes his head to snap back into reality. The bo staff comes down hard and fast, but I block it with my arm and use it to pull myself up off the ground. 

“Thanks bestie,” I murmur to him before heading towards the locker room to shed the weight suit. 

Despite slipping out of the suit and into the shower, my body feels heavier than ever after what I just did. My chest feels like it’s collapsing from the inside out. Tinfoil ribs are eventually going to be crushed by this disease, it’s inevitable. Especially since someone like Katsuki couldn’t…

Finish it. Finish the sentence. 

No, I have to have some kind of hope if I’m going to make it through this. 

Katsuki couldn’t love you. 

I feel bile rise in my throat. 

Katsuki wouldn’t love you. 

I hunch over in the shower, grasping the soap bar to keep me steady as I cough. The force makes my eyes water and I gag on the flowers in my throat. The hot water pelts my back, and I have to blink furiously to keep the water out of my eyes. I eventually give up and squeeze them shut, one hand grasping my throat as if it’ll help. The flower comes out piece by piece. Pretty pale pink petals being smothered by the torrent of water as they fall from my mouth too slowly for me. I jam my fingers down my throat, hoping I could pull some of the petals out faster. My head swirls from the lack of oxygen and I collapse to my knees on the hard tile, the pain causing my eyes to shoot open. Blood turns pink as it is washed away from the hot water, the petals clogging the top of the drain, causing the water around me to be tinted. I feel as if my ribs are going to break as I cough on the flower in my throat, my spine constricting. Can anyone hear me? 

My hand is splayed out on the tile as the core of the flower hits the ground next to it with a wet plap. The base is much thicker and I realize it was a whole flower this time, not just petals. I set back on my feet unsteadily, my chest heaving. The world wavers and I almost lose my balance. Water continues to pelt me, streaking down my face and causing my hair to become tangled across my back. Some of it is plastered to my face which I scrape off with shaking fingers. I spit blood out onto the tile of the shower, watching it mix with the water with morbid interest.

Something breaks inside me. I could count on one hand how many times the world has imploded around me; when the rage so deep and putrid comes up from somewhere deep within. The tiles crack and shatter below my knees, spiderwebbing out towards the concrete of the locker room. In an instant, my scream pierces the air. The force of my frustration causes the broken tile to shoot upwards like a tidal wave and enclose me in a stone dome. Thankfully, my quirk works in times like this to protect me and in turn, protects those around me. Shards whip around me in a tornado as my frustration builds, echoing in my ears and around the dome.The feeling of a soul shattering is like seeing paint crackle on a wall. It flakes, little by little but you can’t help but pick off some larger pieces. How could anyone resist such temptation? What happens when the wall is bare?

I collapse onto my side and curl up against the broken dome of tile which is cold and wet on my naked body. My breaths come out in short huffs, hiccuped by sobs. It’s dark inside the dome and I can’t tell if I was covered in my own blood or not. 

“If this disease was initially created to bring people together and to initiate love, then why is it so painful?” I spat out a few more petals and looked up at Mr. Aizawa. His bloodshot eyes were narrowed in concern before he turned away and tossed the evidence. 

“No one really knows where the disease came from. That’s just the theory that helps everyone sleep at night,” he sighs and slumped into the chair next to me. I wiped my face of saliva. 

“Does it help?”

“Theories like that only help those who don’t know any better.”

If love is supposed to be peace, safety, and comfort, then whatever this was— whatever this ugly, disgusting, and torturous thing— couldn’t be love. It’s chaos and soon to be devastation. An unruly storm with blond hair and scarlet eyes that is finally making me understand why hurricanes are named after people. 

Yet you want more. 

..yes. 

You want this destruction. 

…no I don’t. It hurts it’s painful, please—

You know you deserve this pain. This slow and agonizing death from the most beautiful thing in creation. 

I blink in the darkness and push myself to my knees. Faintly, I can hear the water still going. The tile dome comes down around me, clacking back to their original places. The grout is ruined and I’ll have to tell the craftsman but it’s not the mess it was when this started. The locker room remains empty and quiet. I puff out a breath before looking down. My skin is tinted pink from blood and water, therefore an excuse to shower for real. My head hangs as the water pelts me yet again, steam rolling in fat clouds. My movements are slow as I rub soap over my skin, washing away the pink with gentle bubbles. It takes a great deal of concentration to not allow the bar of soap to slip out of my hand and I dump it back on the bar. 

The world wavers under my legs as I get back towards my locker on charred and crumbling bones. Thankfully I have a sweatshirt and sweatpants in my duffle back that I change into. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I push the door of the locker room open. 

“Shitty hair— Kirishima, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t babysit Milo again.” I stop just outside the door at the tone of Katsuki’s voice. It was apologetic, guilty. It was rare. 

“Katsu it’s totally okay,” Kiriashima’s voice wavers over. He even used the old nickname I’ve only ever heard during second year when our friend group hadn’t imploded yet. “These things happen, you and I both know that. Milo was completely okay. So what if he cried for a little while? Babies do that.” 

Katsuki and Milo crying? What happened?

“No but it was my fault- I-I did it-” The crack in his voice makes me lean heavily against the wall so as to not fall to my knees. 

“Katsu-”

“I’m sorry-I’m so sorry he’s probably traumatized now and it’s my fault. It-it won’t happen again and-and if you want me to babysit I can but I think A-Ash would be better.”

What?

My knees buckle and I crash the ground, pitching my body forward and into view past the corner. I hear the sharp intake of breath by the two men as my duffle bag slides away from me. 

“Ashina!” Kirishima’s voice rings in my ears as I’m turned onto my back. The world is bright as blond and red hair swirls in my vision. There’s a hand with calluses holding my hand, squeezing it intermittently. 

“Ash-”

“Ashina, please say something,” A voice pleads. 

Something is choking me. 

I cough, my back arching off the floor and I’m rolled onto my side. My water bottle is thrust into my hand and I suck down water greedily. Red eyes come back into view. Katsuki is next to me, his face pressed to the hardwood as he makes sure that I’m alive. 

Whipping up into a sitting position, I clear my throat as best I can, my esophagus burning with bile and probably blood. Katsuki’s eyebrows are knitted together, his eyes looking me up and down for injury. Kirishima is kneeling down next to him and he grasps my shoulder. 

“Ash you okay?”

I can’t get my voice to come to me yet so I simply nod and push myself to my feet. Petals are coming up into my mouth, velvety roses sticking to my tongue and the coughs that rattle my tinfoil ribs. I don’t look at Katsuki. Picking up my duffle bag, I roll my shoulders back before turning to the two men. 

“I’m fine.” My voice is cracked and gravelly. Without looking back, I head out to my car.

Chapter Text

The tile is cool on my face. Slowly, the blurred view of the world comes into view as I stare at the dusty baseboard under my sink. My phone buzzes somewhere near my head but it hurts too much to move. Maybe getting plastered wasn’t a good idea last night. 

My phone continues to buzz and I groan. Sunlight streams in through the window above the shower and I shift my head to find my phone on the bathroom mat. Getting my body to cooperate is a bit more difficult than I imagined but nonetheless doable as I pull my phone towards my face. 

[From unknown]: This is a reminder for your appointment at 1 pm Monday. Please bring any evidence of your symptoms to the appointment if possible. Thank you. 

Checking the time, I have to blink a few times to fully comprehend my utter stupidity before getting myself into a sitting position as I mutter obscenities under my breath. As graceful as a newly born giraffe, I pull myself to my feet using the sink only to find a haggard looking version of myself looking back. What used to be braids are now fly aways and tangles, my mascara smeared under my eyes only enhancing the dark circles. My face looks too pale, too thin than what I remember. 

My bedroom swirls in front of me for a second as I turn too fast. I groan before getting one foot in front of the other to change clothes. A simple sweatshirt and jeans will be just fine. 

Already making a terrible impression. 

I shake my head at the voice and grab what I can find before slipping shoes on. A quick pass through my kitchen gets me my water bottle and a snack before I’m out the door to the car. Thankfully the office isn’t super far but I do have to pull up directions to make sure I don’t get lost. Coffee is out of the question since I came to reality so late but not off the table for afterwards. I tell myself it’ll be a reward for getting through this fucking appointment. 

A bell rings at the top of the door as I come in, the office is a cool room with one window to see the receptionist. She looks tired but otherwise content with her job. 

My anxiety kicks in slightly but I get myself to the counter. “Hi, I have an appointment at one?”

She looks up from her book that she was reading and drops her pen to act as a makeshift bookmark. “Hello!” Her voice is cheery but in an empathetic way, “What is your name so I can get you checked in.”
The interaction is quick and I am left with some paperwork to fill out while I wait to be called. 

Have you ever been diagnosed with Suicidal Depressive Disorder?

No. 

Have you ever been diagnosed with Quirk Enhanced Anxiety Disorder?

No. 

Have you ever tried to commit suicide?

I sigh and circle my answers for the last few questions before returning the clipboard, paperwork and pen back to the receptionist counter. This is why I never see stupid thera-

“Ashina?” A clear voice comes from the door where a short lady stands. I get to my feet and mumble a quiet “hello” as I pass her. The hallway is very neutral looking, making me feel out of place. The lady has a quick pace as I follow her to her office or whatever. Ironically, her office is very lively compared to the state of the hallway; a few plants sit in the windows and she has a diffuser going with what I can place as orange blossom. 

I take the seat across from her and sit stiffly in the chair. In a way, I would be the poster child of “sitting on your grandmother’s plastic covered sofa that you can’t dirty or you will lose your fingers”. Whether the lady across from me could tell or not, I don’t want to be here. 

“Take the pillow.”

My eyes flick to hers, a stark emerald green devouring me. 

“What?” My voice is a lot less assured than I’d hoped and I could even detect a small waver in it. 

“Take the pillow,” she says again and gestures over to the pillow sitting in the other chair next to me. It’s a pillow shaped like a knot, grey in color. Just my the appearance my brain grappled with whether it would be hard since it was a knot or whether it would be soft since it’s a pillow, but not in a fake kind of way but in a--

“Stop thinking about it and grab it.”

The command in her voice kicks me into moving and I take the pillow. Somehow it was a combination of both ideas I had. For some instinctive reason, I shove my hands into the knot and grab ahold of the inner parts. I don’t meet the lady’s eyes, but instead take in the wall behind her. 

“There’s nothing on the wall behind me that could be that interesting.”

I think I visibly flinched at the starkness of her voice and quickly return back to her green eyes. They were still looking through me. Shifting in the chair, I try to find a more comfortable position without appearing too worried about finding a comfortable position. The lady pulls a notepad over from her desk and clicks her pen, giving me a once over before scratching onto the pad. 

“Very self conscious,” she mutters to herself, loud enough that I could hear, “looks to please, very uncomfortable with environment, needing constant reassurance, possible parental trauma, friend abandonment…” She trails off and slowly looks up at me. If it isn’t apparent on my face that I heard what she was writing down, I’d tell her to her damn face--

“Finally an emotion other than people pleasing-”

“Alright I didn’t come here for you to psychoanalyze me into submission lady,” I bite back. Shifting into the chair, I roll my shoulders back and stare her down. 

She smiles and leans back, letting the notebook rest on her lap. “Good, you are worth my time.”

The shock from her statement leaves me gaping. 

You’re not worth anyone’s time. She’s lying to you. 

The flash of concern that I glimpse on her face tells me that she saw me flinch at the voice’s words. I clear my throat and check the time on my wrist. Only forty-five minutes left until I can leave and get to the agency. Another joint training and debrief meeting before the next phase of the mission. My throat bobs at the idea of having to see Katsuki but now’s not the time. 

“What stage are you at?”

I refocus back on her. “Uh they said stage two I believe last I saw them.”

“Are you going to the treatments they suggested?” 

“Of course.”

“Don’t lie to me, it won’t cure you of this disease. Neither will lying to yourself. Most patients who face truth on their deathbed find themselves in more pain. Grief about the living does nothing for the dead.”

I pick at my cuticles and my foot bounces. 

“What’s your truth?”

I scoff. “My truth?” My clothes rustle as I shift again, crossing my legs over another and pull the pillow closer to my torso. “I don’t even know my truth, lady. Regarding doctor patient confidentiality-- you know I’m a pro hero, doing all kinds of shit work. The truth? It’s exhausting and I don’t believe it’s worth all the pain and sacrifice most put in. Lives go by the way side, relationships don’t exist in any true form. There’s always another person trying to kill us or innocents no matter how many outreach programs we create, or DQA meetings we hold. Evil is never going away, much like death. I’m used to it, I’ve seen it, hell I’ve even tasted it. I’m not scared to die.”

She watches me closely. My eyes scan her corduroy pants, finding every pill and threat that I could pull. Seeing the zipper on her jacket isn’t all the way at the bottom and my fingers twitch. A piece of lint on the couch she sits on catches my eye and I stare at it, imagining as if I could delete it from existence if I stared at it hard enough. As if I could delete myself from existing, just for a moment. 

“What’s their name?” She asks quietly. My gaze roams over her desk and I catch her name plate that sits on the edge. Dr. Airu Kokomi. Something in me collapses, pitching my shoulders forward. 

“What does it matter?” I mumble into the pillow, pulling at it’s insides. The feeling resembling my own inner turmoil. 

“Sometimes just admitting the name can be a relief,” Dr. Kokomi starts but I can tell there was another part. 

“Or it can solidify the disease.”

She sits forward with urgency. “It can do that but in most cases it can help with recovery, especially when paired with the treatments-”

“I get it.” My voice is curt, granite like. 

There’s no way to get around this. No escape. 

“Maybe in a different universe on another day or-” My throat becomes thick again, but I will the petals to remain at bay, “Or in a different timeline, we could’ve been something or we’d try again and it’d be right but-” I swallow and see my watch tick over to two pm. Placing the pillow back on its respective chair I stand. “It is not that day nor that timeline.”

“Ashina please sit back down, we need to-”

Crossing the room, I open the door. “I’ll call the office to schedule my next appointment,” I say and shut the door behind me. 

--

I find myself in my car in a whirlwind of time later. It’s only a quick trip up to my apartment to grab my stuff for tonight, even with an overnight on call. The doors creaked open as usual when I arrived and I beelined it for the locker rooms to get changed for training. Midoriya said something about dueling but nothing more past that. A pair of loose fitting running shorts and a battered UA shirt was what I managed to grab from my apartment that was clean. I needed to do laundry as badly as I needed to do my second treatment. Days have gone by before I realized I missed the appointment, though I managed to ignore the incessant text messages they sent. 

Everyone was already in the sparring room when I entered. Over the pounding between my temples, I hear Katsuki scoff at my slight tardiness. My shoulders tighten but I force myself to relax to listen to what Midoriya wants us to do. 

Katsuki stands next to me, dressed in a black tank top and basketball shorts. Black ink peeks out from the back hem of his shirt, just along the shoulder blade. Katsuki with tattoos? Swoon. I shake my head to get rid of the lewd thoughts that sprung into my mind and make a mental note to see Juni again, especially since he’s been texting me. 

Someone grabs my arm and yanks me around to face them, coming eye to eye with scarlet. I huff and set myself in a loose fighting stance. Kausuki jabs but I deflect his punch with an easy side step. Just warm up stuff. As far as I heard, no quirks just yet, just hand to hand combat. 

Midoriya has been doing quite a lot of research on how hand to hand combat is helping those with fighting style quirks but also movement. His little bobs on the balls of his feet when he showed me last week pop up from my memory. “It’s also great for having better movement in general too!” he had said. I never turn down hand to hand training since using quirks against individuals off the clock is illegal, so regular fists come into play when someone gets too handsy at a bar or such. Plus most of us pro heroes like to stay under the radar, so using our signature quirks would not be helpful for staying out of the public eye. Those like Hawks or Shoji struggle with keeping their private lives separate from their hero lives. 

A strong punch to my nose sends me staggering back, tears pricking my eyes. 

“Pay attention,” Katsuki quips at me as I shake the stars from my vision. No matter how many times you get popped in the nose, it stings every time. Through blurry vision, I jab at the spikes, only to be put in an easy arm bar. Breath wooshes out of me and I accidentally let out a whimper at the strain on my elbow. His eyes are narrowed at me but lets me go quickly enough. Heat pricks my cheeks and my hands. 

Midoriya calls out for minimal use of quirks and I quickly pull up air shields around my fists while Katsuki gets his sparking. We go back and forth for a few before he goes to sweep my legs. Avoiding the attack, I have the mat snatch his ankle in an awkward position and hover just above his knee, poised to snap his leg. With a nod of defeat, I release him and we continue on. 

Sweat pools in the collar of my shirt and rolls down my face. A ballsy grab of Katsuki’s outstretched leg, which he had just used to kick, sends me pitching forward towards him. Scalding hands catch me by the shoulders and send me to the ground, a knee settled into my chest to keep me on the ground. A wheeze pushes out from my lungs and the room swirls for a second. Once the weight is gone, I quickly get back to my feet, not wanting to waste time, no matter how I’m feeling. The floor feels unsteady, as if we’re fighting on a waterbed and I look at Katsuki to discern if he is getting the same feeling. He jabs at my face and I deflect, stumbling to the side before I place a kick at his ribs. His elbow juts into my thigh and I give a small cry at the pinpoint accuracy of it. Bouncing erratically on the balls of my feet, the mat slippery with sweat underneath me, I punch towards his rose colored eyes, the blond and red mixing before my eyes. My breath is heavy out of my chest as he blocks me easily. The room tilts and my forearms are grabbed before I crash to the ground. 

“Morana?” Katsuki looks at me, my arms hot where he’s grabbing them. Over his shoulder I see Eijiro and Midoriya sparring while Todoroki watches. In the blurred edges of my vision I see a hand go up and I rip my arms away from Katsuki to shield my face, putting up an air shield as well. 

“Whoa, hey.” Through my arms, I see Katsuki with his hands up, palms calm and quiet. The air shield goes down first and he pulls my arms away from my face. His hands are still hot where they touch me, but I swallow the lump in my throat to look at him. His eyebrows are knitted together in what I could only imagine is confusion and the dark black of his pupils create only a red ring in his eyes. Something in those eyes, I’ve never seen them so dilated, only when--

I rip my wrists out of his hands and take a few steps back, not wanting to believe what I see. Midoriya and Eijiro have paused, looking over at us with confusion. Katsuki cocks his head to one side and opens his mouth but I turn away and storm into the hallway to the locker room.

Chapter Text

“Ashina?” I can hear someone calling my name but I can only focus on getting air back into my lungs. The linoleum tile floor is cool under my hands but it does not stem the heat that is raging in my throat. I must have swallowed coals or drank flaming whiskey to feel this much pain. A voice is echoing down the walls. I need to get to the locker room before someone finds me like this-

My hand slips down the wall when I try to push myself up from my knees. A ragged wet noise comes from my mouth when I attempt another breath, strangled by the barbed wire flower. Life killing life. Through my blurry vision, I can see drips and smears of blood that I swipe away with my quirk. Destroy any evidence, no one can know otherwise--

Otherwise they’ll know. 

They’ll know you're in love with someone you can’t have.

No. 

They’ll know that you’re dying from this love. 

I cough, splattering blood into hands that quickly cover my mouth. My name is called again and I finally push myself to my feet. With one shoulder glued to the wall to keep me upright, I stagger towards the women’s locker room. A dry heave pushes up from the depths of my chest, as if hell itself is trying to escape the rib cage prison inside me. My body can’t tell if it wants to vomit or cough, a disgusting chimera of the two merging across my tongue. With the bastard, words that I could never say out loud claw up the throat of a coward and drag their brands across my tongue. I can taste the bitterness of the flower before it plops into my hands with a blood drenched splat. They never say what happens if you are to have a poisonous flower come up into your lungs, whether that poison will kill you before the disease. And the poison hemlock looks back at me from my hand. 

“Ashina?” My spine goes rigid at the voice, one that I could place in any room, especially after the years of finding each other in the battlefield. I don’t want to turn around, to face him in a spot of vulnerability, not after high school. Not knowing who causes this agony. I couldn’t bear the look on his face, the way it would fall, the tears that would well up in his red eyes as he beheld the blood. For someone so strong, he cries the hardest when seeing friends in pain. 

“Eijiro-” I stop, not knowing what to say. Do I lie to him? Refuse to turn around and keep him in the dark? Or do I turn and let the blood admit my sins? 

“Ash, look at me please, what’s wrong. You were so pale in training, even Katsu gave me a concerned look and you know how he gets so you gotta-” He’s beginning to ramble on. Something he’s always done when presented with a tough situation with friends. One that he cannot fight his way out of. A weight is added, more paint peeling off the cavern in my chest, tinfoil all the more crushed. 

My back hits the wall, still keeping me upright. Blood continues to drip off my chin and into my hand that is cupped around the hemlock. The taste of bitter poison with metallic tang embraces my tongue. Looking up to the ceiling, I manage to chuckle thickly. His gasp when I finally turn to face him keeps me from looking at him. I can only stare at those small white flowers, the way they taunt at the severity of my situation. Death looking at death, how poetic. 

Pathetic. 

“When?” Eijiro’s voice is curt, hushed. I take a short breath before finally meeting his eyes which are trained on my bloodied hand. 

“Which time?” I laugh masochistically. A broken sound comes from Eijiro. Rolling my shoulders back, I push off the wall and reorient myself, taking a well deserved breath of air. The question is the worst, confirming what I can only imagined he pushed out of his mind during UA. When I pushed everyone away after realizing what was happening to me and ultimately to our friend group. 

“Once in high school, end of year two. This time?” I think back to when things kicked off, “Probably only about a month after we started the joint mission.”

“The five years-” He trails off and the closer I get to him, the more I can see the realization set in. The pieces clicking together all these years after everything that happened. The times I walked away from our dream. The way I shut myself away, never came to study sessions, joint training. The way I gave them all a small smile on graduation day and nothing more, especially to the blonde at his side. His mouth opens and closes, words coming to him and escaping at the same time. Red eyes connect with mine as I step up to him. His shoulders are curled inward and he searches my face. Searching for a glimmer of a lie. Of hope. 

“It’s okay,” I say plainly. Closing my palm, I ripple the evidence away into ash that I wipe on my shorts that need to be washed anyways. “See? All gone.”

“You can’t just- You need to- He-” Eijiro takes a deep breath. “He should know.”

I shake my head, too soon for words. The linoleum is shiny and clear. Rubbing the back of my hand across my mouth, I clear away any lingering pieces of evidence. I look back up at him, my eyes steel hardened to deflect any convincing that he’ll try. 

“You can’t tell him.”

“Ash I can’t do that-”

I jab a finger into his thick chest. “Promise me.”

“Ashina please, this will ruin you. It’s clearly killing you. Imagine what it’ll do to him.”

My scoff echos in the empty hallway, as it does in my heart. “Only the pain of losing another good hero on the field. After all these years, he’ll never get it, never feel the same, never reciprocate such feelings,” Taking a few steps back, I suck in a breath.  “You and I both know that- that he couldn’t care less about how I feel, “ I seethe at him. Eijiro opens his mouth to refute me but I barrel over him. 

Exactly. Tell him the truth. Believe the truth. 

“He will never-

Never care for you. 

“Never care about me-

Never respect you. 

“Never respect me-

Never love you. 

“And he will never love me Eijiro! Fuck! Get that through your skull,” I yell at him. Fury and frustration jet stream down my veins and I curl my hands into fists. “When have you every known him to care about shit like this?” Eijiro doesn’t meet my eyes. “When he dated that 1B girl for a whole fucking week?” Blood spills over my lips again and my throat becomes constricted. Bitter bile and saliva tingles over my lips as I spit another hemlock into my hand, only for it to become ash as soon as I feel its weight. 

“He’s changed Ash, you know that,” Eijiro tries but I scoff again. 

“Changed? Eijiro you know what he said to me at UA. The shit he called me, the amount of times he made any of us believe that we weren’t good enough to be heroes.” The wall is too clean for me to put my fist through, not after the damage I did to the locker room tile. Rippling the hair tie around my wrist into something much sharper and harder, I bite back tears. 

“Ashina it’s been five years since we all graduated,” Eijiro says but I don’t meet his eyes. “You left us all before third year with nothing to say for your leave. We all thought we did something wrong, Katsu especially. He tried after you left to talk to you but you ignored him. I can understand now why you did it, but let someone in once and a while. You isolate yourself so much and then get upset when we call you out for it. So yes, he has changed because you haven’t seen his growth over the last five years!” 

Eijiro’s cheeks are dusted red from his frustration and I can see the beginnings of tears in his eyes. 

“He’s not a bad guy anymore. He’s put the work in to be a better person, you know that and you’ve seen it firsthand. Don’t make your disease any worse because you refuse to get to know him.”

“Maybe I am selfish,” I start, turning partly away from Eijiro. Through the small laminated window, I can see the three men sparring together. Thank god for soundproofing. “But I don’t care. I don’t want to get to know the Katsuki now. It’s easier to remember the Katsuki that called me names and refused to see my potential as a pro hero. And maybe it’s selfish to not tell him because of a slight possibility that he could cure me.” I face Eijiro, blood and tears now streaming down my hot face. They both drip onto my shirt and my bottom lip quivers. “As selfish as it may be, it’s easier to convince my broken self that he’s not a good person. Because back when this first happened, I didn’t care if he was a good guy, I didn’t want him to be a good guy. I just wanted him to love me.”

Eijiro’s face begins to crumple at my admittance. At me finally letting someone into the pain I have harbored for so many years, knowing how it would affect those closest to me. 

“And now, I believe the same thing, because it’s easier than trying to get something I can never have.” Turning on my heel, I head off towards the locker room, shoving the door open so hard the hinges squeak. Leaving Eijiro in the empty, clean, white hallway. Alone.

Chapter Text

“What’s different about this recon than any of the other ones we’ve been doing?” Katsuki’s tone enunciated how I’d been feeling the past few months. As much as I’ve been able to skirt around the blonde and avoid any more severe symptoms, treatments have been terrible. Along with this god forsaken case. 

“Two more shipments of the drug have made their way into downtown and crime ridden areas. Somehow we’ve missed both and things have been getting worse.” Todoroki rubs his temples in frustration as we all scan the files spread out on the conference table. My back aches from sitting in the conference room chairs for the last two hours, trying to come up with a plan of attack for the next shipment that we got word of. Two of our internal spies got caught and were unfortunately executed before we could pull them out. Only half of our people on the case were able to pull themselves together to make it to the funeral, most of us looking ragged and tired. 

“The idea for this one is to have a direct hit on the group, take out a couple of high targets,” Midoiyra says, pulling a file closer to him. The purple circles under his eyes are almost as dark as my hero suit. We all have varying shades of bags under our eyes. Days and weeks of going from training, to patrol, to a crisis, to meetings and debriefs has put a strain on everyone. We needed a win. 

“How many people are we thinking?” I ask and lean forward on my elbows, scanning over the files closest to me. 

“I’m thinking something small, only a group of 5 or less,” Midoirya responds before tossing the file he was reading back into the pile. 

“So the idea is to go in and just fuck the place up?” Katsuki asks uncensored. Shoto gives him a cold glare to which he adds, “Legally of course.”

Midoriya sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Technically yes. At this rate, showing some power and possibly destruction might scare this group for a bit so we can do some actual recon to figure out where the prime manufacturer is.”

I lean back in my chair, mulling over the information. There has been discussion about sending someone undercover to aid in gathering information, but after the incident with Hawks and Dabi, many of us are nervous to send someone in. 

Glancing over my notes I see movement out of the corner of my eye. Kirishima stares at me from the adjacent side of the table. Since my admittance last week, I’ve been avoiding the redhead in fear of what he would say. 

“How come you haven’t told anyone?” Mr. Aizawa asked as we had tea in the teacher's lunchroom. I’d been hiding out the last few weeks after a bad event with Katsuki. I munched on my sandwich silently, my brain whirled a mile a minute. 

Ms. Midnight strolled up to the two of us and took a seat next to me. “Shota imagine being in her position. Telling others only risks them telling the person who is perpetuating this disease.” I swallowed thickly but didn’t add anything. 

“I’ve been in her position, most have at some point or another, not having support of others is what helps a lot of people get through it, no matter the outcome.”

Ducking my head, I fidget in my seat. “So we’re going in this weekend then?” I ask, trying to get this meeting ended before we stagnate even more. Midriaya nods once and leans back in his chair with a creak. 

“I’ll send out the fire team rosters tomorrow. Everyone go home, we all need the rest.”

No one says anything as we clean up the conference room and meander into the hallway. Before I can turn down the hallway to get to my office, someone grabs my arm. Kiri’s red hair falls into his eyes which are glaring at me. 

“No,” I cut at him before he could get a word in. His mouth opens in protest but I pull my arm from his grasp before the words reach his tongue. “And don’t go around telling others either. I don’t need this shit getting out and becoming a bigger deal than it is.” My mind flickers back to my last treatment. The intermediate levels were not clearing my lungs as much as the doctors wanted and they have moved me to intensive. Long hours of sitting with tubes down your throat makes waking up in the morning more difficult each time. 

Turning away, I head down to my office to get my face shield before patrol. Deku had switched around schedules a few weeks ago for those of us who are the primaries in this case, even switching my intern to another pro hero since most of my time was taken by training. “I want them to get experience,” he said, “ but not this. ” We all felt the scars from UA as trainees and the battle with AFO. Some of us even carried the physical reminders of it as well; Deku’s scar that went from shoulder to waist across his chest, Kausuki’s gash from his chin to his shoulder, Kiri’s burn on his forearms and hands. I shudder slightly, thinking about that time. 

Patrol started as an easy one, small perps to nab and send off with the police. A tone comes in across my radio, indicating a call coming in from headquarters. 

“This is Reality Ripple here.” 

“Ripple, we have an incident in progress downtown,” I recognize Kiragami’s voice over the intercom; our main dispatch girl. She also makes a mean martini. 

“Copy. Any other teams reporting?” I turn on my heel and head for the metropolitan area. 

“Negative. We are contacting Red Riot and Dynamight as we speak for backup.”

Great. 

“Copy, en route now.”

My boots pound the concrete as I run past buildings following the smoke that rises in the inner city. Screams echo around me and my skin prickles. I hate the screams. 

“Ripple?” Kiri’s voice echoes in my ear. 

“Red. Status?” 

“En route. We can see the damage. Dynamite believes it could be Dabi. Keep you guard up. Be there soon.”

“Copy.”

Skidding into the downtown plaza, I find myself in what I thought was a war zone. Cars are overturned and on fire, people running and screaming in terror. As Katsuki predicted, Dabi stands in the center of the plaza, relishing in his fiery destruction. His cackle sends ice down my veins as if Todoroki had frozen my circulatory system. 

“Dabi!” I yell across the destruction. His head slowly turns towards mine, unbothered. There is an unhinged look in his blue eyes, more than usual. 

“Reality Ripple!” He jumps down from the concrete block he was standing on and begins sauntering towards me. 

“Ripple do not engage until we get there-” Kiri’s voice echoes in my ear through the radio. 

“I just knew you’d come join the party!”

“-the drugs, they’re-”

It only takes a second before a column of flame is thrown at me, just barely cresting my left shoulder. My dodge is quick, but I still feel the immense heat of it radiating through my suit. With the debris around, my roll is rough and rather than finding purchase, I end up skidding into rubble, knocking the wind out of me. 

I’m suddenly lifted up from the ground and thrown into a nearby car on fire. Using the melted glass, I throw up a quick shield around me, however my attacker is not fazed and blowes through my defense. The kick feels like it goes through my ribs and blood coats my tongue. 

“Hey asshole!” My attacker moves on to their next prey and my hands slip out from under me when I try to get back to my feet. Another column of blue flame makes me skitter back and I hear Dabi’s boots crunch closer and closer to me. I need to get away from this fucker or else I’ll end up no crispier than the edges of his jacket. Finding the edge of a larger piece of debris, I get back up to my feet before rippling the concrete towards Dabi in order to allow me a better shot at nabbing him. His blue flame licks the rough wave I made. I find some wire fencing and water pipes which are thankfully metal. 

“Red!” I yell into the radio, “Red do you have quirk cuffs?”

There’s a grunt on the other line before I hear his crackled voice, “Negative. Law enforcement will have some. They’re en route!”

Cursing under my breath, I get my materials ready and search for Dabi to plan my attack. As much as I know close combat techniques, my quirk is not designed for close range. Dabi’s blue eyes find mine and my skin crawls at the way he smiles at me. As if he knows something dark about me. 

“Oh Ripple, don’t run away from me darling! I have the nicest thing for you.” The words roll off his lips like velvet and I can understand why so many victims who fall prey to him are young women. It’s intoxicating. 

He’s intoxicating. The way he walks. His words when they leave his lips. Fuck. I turn away from ogling over Katsuki who was chatting with Momo. A whole summer really worked its magic in Katsuki. His red eyes slid over her shoulder and connected with mine. 

“Oh I know Mo, guys can be mean,” he said to her without breaking eye contact with me. 

I want to puke. My hands covered my mouth and I ran from the room, praying that he had no interest in someone who is slowly dying at the hand of life’s most desirable thing. 

Dabi slowly stalks closer, his arms alight with flame so hot that I could feel my body beginning to sweat from the heat alone. God knows I was already sweating from this damn fight. 

Something slams into me from behind, sending me sprawling at Dabi’s feet. There was a low growl, something you’d hear only in horror movies, in the darkness of woods that you are told to stay out of. A growl out for blood. 

“Say hello to Endure,” he purrs above me. “Endure here has had a nice taste of the drug you heroes have been trying to confiscate from us. Toga and Shigiraki have been test running the drug on low level criminals you-” his boot crunches down on my shoulder, making me cry out “-heroes, haven’t caught. And now? They’re running the streets with any possibility open to them!” Dabi cackles as he puts more pressure onto my shoulder. I could feel the rotator cuff being forced out of place. Focusing on his jacket, I ripple the material to tighten around his arms, cutting off blood flow. 

Dabi cries out at the sudden pain, letting off of me. Before I could get away, a large hand smashes me back into the ground. Facedown, I can see Kiri and Katsuki trading blows with another two criminals who appear to be hopped up on this drug as well. I use the concrete under me to create a dome while I sink down away from the criminal Endure. 

Scampering out from my little hole, I attempt to get back to my material while Dabi is still preoccupied by getting his jacket off. Why he hasn’t tried to burn it off beats me-

The lights go dark for a moment and I am thrown off my feet with an impact to my gut. Metallic taste lights up my tongue, a familiar taste nowadays, but with the sudden pain to my torso leaves things more bitter than usual. I ricochet off a partial building and fall to the ground. Dust and tears sting my eyes and there is another roar that echoes in my bones. An old instinct to run away and hide from such danger fills my veins. It hurts to breathe, fuck. A moment later, the dust clears enough and I lock onto Katsuki’s crimson eyes from across the debris field. 

Something in those eyes reminds me not only of the fucking flowers that are infiltrating my chest, but also of life. A reason to wake up everyday and a reason to go home. His shoulders rise and fall rapidly as he stares at me across the rubble. My face shield cracked and I know one of my eyes is visible from behind the tint. A tear suddenly vaults over my eyelashes and I choke as I come to the realization that he is that reason. 

My chest aches and I curl in pain, the pressure of a budding flower in my windpipe causing me to dry heave. It would be much easier if they grew in my stomach, the feeling of evicting something from the stomach more familiar than this. Yanking my face shield off, I hack onto the concrete. Blood splatters, web-like from my mouth as I try to suck in air. Until I can get the flower dislodged, I’m fighting more than one battle.

“Finally!” I hear Dabi yell and watch through blurry eyes as the remains of his jacket flutter to the ground. I’m blocked by enough rubble that I took down with me on my initial impact of the building that I am somewhat out of sight, but my eyes are still watering from the lack of oxygen. Pounding my fist into my chest to elicit some help in ridding this stupid flower from my throat helps somewhat. It splatters onto the ground wetly, like a newborn animal still covered in its mother’s fluid, staining the ground beneath it red. 

“Where are you hiding Reality Ripple?” Dabi coos. His boots crunch in the opposite direction and I know this will be an opportunity I can’t miss. 

“Red, Dynamite? I need a distraction for Dabi so I can entrap.”

“Copy witch,” Katsuki’s voice is still velvety smooth even over a shitty com and my stomach flips. This needs to end now. 

Hopping over the debris, I slide over to the metal material, deciding to start with the chain link fence in the hopes to ensnare his hands. The metal clinks softly as it snakes towards Dabi’s turned figure as he is focused with Katsuki and Kirishima who are taunting the fucker. 

“Ayo daddy issues!” Katsuki yells, “Don’t you want to kill the second place hero instead of the shitty fourth place?”

Everything stops when those words sink in. 

And now you’ve heard it from his mouth. 

Lower class. 

More filth. 

Worthless compared to what he could have. 

Worthless compared to who he could have. 

I am stopped in my tracks, even the chain link frozen in midair. Memories and feelings swirl in a hurricane and I am trapped in the eye. At what point do I give in to the ultimate desolation and destruction? When there is nothing left? When I sing myself happy birthday, alone like Curiosity on Mars?

I don’t hear the pounding until I am sent flying into another building with a crack that resounds in the destroyed plaza. Everything and nothing hurts all at once. The blue sky fills my vision and there is a distant ringing in my ears. Someone is yelling. 

Blinking my stinging eyes becomes an arduous task and takes me what feels like minutes to complete. The sky returns to its original place and I slowly sit up from the crater that I made. As if I am watching a slow motion film, I see Kirishima trading blows with Endure while Katsuki and Dabi have their usual fiery pissing contest. A chuckle bubbles up from my sunken chest and I place a hand over my breastbone to see if it is truly caved in, but alas it is not. 

Things begin to speed up back into normal speed faster than I wanted them to and I puke over a column of stone. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I focus back in on the chain link fence that fell to the ground after I stopped manipulating it. Katsuki notices the movement and keeps Dabi’s back towards the material to give me a better angle. 

I plant one end into the ground and wrap the other end towards those charred hands that are trying to get a chip on Katsuki. Not on my motherfucking watch. My hands mirror how I manipulate the fence, creating a bigger hole for his left hand that I ensnare, then twisting smaller as I snap my hands into fists. He swears and turns to face me instead, deciding that I’m the higher target now. I smirk at the panic in those blues and he shoots a column of flame at me. With a simple wave of one hand, a wave of concrete deflects the blast while my other hand is manipulating the fence to snake between his legs before latching onto his right arm. Pulling my fists apart as if I am pulling a knot tight, the fence flips Dabi into the air which allows me to roll the remaining chain link around his airborne body. 

His hits the ground hard without my manipulation while I focus on using the metal pipes to secure his arms and hands better. As if he is my prey, I stalk towards him for the detailed ensnarement. Blood dribbles out of my mouth and I know deep down, many bones are broken and pain hides behind the adrenaline in my body but some sick part of me wants to see Dabi cry his own bloody tears as he realizes he’s lost. 

The now liquid metal encapsulates his hands like gloves to the connection of hand and wrist where they harden painfully. Dabi thrashes in the chain link fence as he tries to get out. A shattering thump can be heard to my right and I see Kirishima and Katsuki finally put down Endure. I wave my right hand over his body and a very thick layer of concrete swallows him like a weighted blanket. The two eventually come over to me as I smile down at my handiwork. 

“Police are picking their way through the debris, so they’ll be here in 5 minutes or so,” Kirishima says, his hands on his hips. I can tell my his stance that he is ready to curb stomp Dabi if it’s even slightly needed. Katsuki on the other hand is flexing his hands. I can only assume that his hand cramps are settling in. My body shudders and I roll out my neck before standing up straight. 

“I’ll leave this to you two,” I say curtly. “Have a good night.”

Finding my face shield, I pick my way out of the debris and back to HQ to go home. 

Chapter Text

I’m groggy when I finally open my eyes. A multitude of tubes spew from my mouth and I fall back into the pillows of my hospital bed. After receiving general treatment from the infirmary at the agency, I went home and gathered my hospital bag for treatment days. The nurses were slightly shocked to see me on a non-treatment day and in such bad shape, but nonetheless, they admitted me into my usual hidden room. I look down to see that my bigger lacerations have been bandaged up and that I have an IV going as well. Thinking back, I remember telling the nurses who hooked me up for the treatment, to also have a regular doctor double check my injuries. Honestly, I think I just generally scared the shit out of them. 

Slipping off the bed, I grab my bag off the chair and sit cross legged on the white sheets and drag the moveable table towards myself. If I’m going to be here, I might as well get paperwork done. While I type into our database for cases, the machine next to me beeps quietly and rhythmically. I ‘ve grown used to it, since the first few times I was put on the rebreather machine freaked me out. A few times, I could throw up the tubes and send three or four nurses to calm me down and reinsert the tubes back into my lungs. I’m told at this stage of treatment, they’re hoping that the therapy helps just as much as the nitroglycerin is supposed to clear the debris. 

The tubes are generally cold to the touch and one allows me to drink water somehow if I press a blue button on the machine. One of the nurses explained it to me but I was so traumatized by the amount of tubes going into my body at one point that I tuned the world out. Looking down, I see one of the tubes run red for a second before turning clear. That one always freaks me out since it suctions blood out when I bleed from the thorns and flowers. Blood is also a freaky topic when it comes to quirks. At one point, it got out that a group of scientists posing as a blood donation clinic were using the blood of people who had quirks to mutate the genes and create stronger quirks. Whether or not their intention was for a greater good, quirk charged blood can be sensitive. Any time heroes are having to give blood, there is a wholly separate procedure for disposal. Not to mention the amount of fans who would give their existence for a drop of our blood or the criminals and villains who have blood based quirks. Those freak me out the most to be honest. During UA, I could hardly handle facing Toga on the battlefield with her quirk. Thank god she was more focused on Midoriya and Ochako than me. 

A quiet knock sounds on the door and my regular nurse pops her head in with a smile. “Just here to do a quick check!” Kami’s voice is like little bells, so I can never be mad at her. She heads over to the machine with a tablet to take numbers. I focus back on updating case notes and sending emails. 

“Are you needing a break?” She asks me. There’s a certain intensity in her eyes that makes me question myself. Hesitating at first, I nod my head and lie back. Kami calls in two other nurses to help her out as they slowly remove the tubes from my throat. There’s a weird sense of shooting pain when something is pulled out of your throat. Imagine the feeling when you are trying to swallow a large bite of food that hurts your chest going down. It’s that but in reverse. 

Once the last tube is out, Kami hands me a towel so I can wipe the saliva off my face as well as any blood before handing me my water bottle. The other two nurses help hang up the tubes before they head out, just leaving Kami and I in the room. 

“So,” her voice is a bit timid as she starts off, “Policy is that we can’t allow any visitors to this sector of the wing for privacy reasons-” my head snaps up from my laptop to meet her eyes, “-however, I really do think you should let this visitor in since he has been super adamant in seeing you.”

My heart spikes and I feel the flowers blooming in rapid succession. Kami must have realized as she hands me the towel as she cries, “It’s not him! No no! It’s someone from your agency!” Her breaths match my unsteady ones as the pain slinks back down into my ribcage, just waiting for the next match. How ironic to have a disease that can act so explosively?

“Who is it?” My voice sounds like cracking paint. 

“Izuku Midoriya.”

“Fuck,” I pant and slump back. 

“Look this isn’t because he’s the number one hero, I promise we would never stoop so low as to disregard patient privacy it’s just that he-”

“That he was very convincing and read every single policy twice over before coming here and he is my agency’s head so he does have a right to visit?” 

Kami’s head bows and she doesn’t want to meet my eyes. She coughs before straightening herself and takes a breath. “If you do not want him to see you, I promise that we will escort him straight off the property. He has no knowledge that you are actually here, since we deny patients stay unless previously authorized-”

I put a hand up to stop her. Crossing my legs, I mull over my options for a moment. The room stays silent while I think. 

“Let him in,” I say quietly. Kami scurries out of the room with the door still shutting in her wake. 

It takes about 10 minutes for Midoriya to finally enter my room, by which time I had already paced the room and was sitting in the windowsill. His footsteps are quiet, much unlike the confident green eyed hero I had come to know these past few years. 

“Ashina?” His voice matched his quietness. I could tell just by his voice that seeing the machine made him anxious. “How long?”

“Treatments have been going on for about two months now, I just moved up to intensive treatments but I’m still in stage two.” I am curt with my words, putting no emotion into them. 

“How did I not get the information? When diagnosed, the agency-”

“The agency knows. I told Shimka in filing, so technically it’s on record that I told the agency.”

“But didn’t bother to tell anyone of importance?”

I spin around to face him. Midoriya’s shoulders are drawn in, as if he is trying not to cry. A sigh leaves my lips. “I chose not to because you know how this affects everyone. People start thinking that you’re fragile. Like any mention of the person could make you drop dead in a pile of roses. People avoid you or do your work for you.” I take a step closer to him. “Do you really want me off this case? When you told me that my skill set was perfect for this? Do you want to explain to people why I’ve disappeared all of the sudden?”

Midoriya sighs and sits down in the chair next to him. It’s comical how he’s too big for such a small chair, but I don’t have the urge to laugh. I sit back on the bed and stare at my open email. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs under his breath. 

I clench my jaw. “Sorry won’t fix this Izuku.” 

He looks up at my use of his first name. 

“You wanna know when this shit all started? High school, just before third year. I got the beginning symptoms the last week of summer break. I knew right away who was causing it so I told myself that I wouldn’t see him. That I would graduate and stay far away from him because there was no way he would feel the same.”

Midoriya stares at me, his mouth slightly open. I try not to search his eyes if he knows who I’m alluding to. What red eyes cut me deeper than any blade and that I hate how his eyes match the color of my blood that clings to such beautiful flowers. Flowers I wish he would give to me. 

 “I was counting on the feelings to go away and they did. I had no issues when we graduated and for five years afterward. Any time I felt the ache, or needed to cough, I went on a date or I slept with someone to get him off my mind. Then the case came up-”

The chair screeches as Midoriya stands abruptly and heads for the window. His shoulders are curled farther inward and I know that he’s put the pieces together. The anxiety I’ve had, the misplaced hatred towards the blonde. 

“Why-why didn’t you tell me back then,” he turns around to face me. “I- I would’ve done something, said something, helped you two talk it out-”

I laugh, a grating, pained sound from my treatment. Ultimately I’m sent into a coughing fit and Midoriya hands me my water. 

“I would’ve taken him off the case. You’re my first priority since you’re from my agency and you’re my friend Ashina.”

“No. He’s another perfect person for this case. We both are. Besides-” I sigh, “I would've had to work with him at some point. I swear, there have been times while working this case, where I really question if it’s one-sided, that maybe there is a small part of him that could-” I can’t finish the sentence. 

Yeah right. Even Midoriya knows it’s impossible for him to care about you. 

“Why couldn’t you have told me? Why Ash?”

“How was I supposed to? Oh hey I’m dying by the way. But it’s slow and painful- so goddamn painful. Oh and by the way, it’s your best friend's fault? I wasn’t going to do that to you.”

MIdoriya sits back down in the too small chair, folding his hands together like he does when he’s worried. “He’d probably die inside if he found out about this.”

I chuckle, “I’d like to see that before I die. Katsuki Bakugo worried about another person for once in his life.” Standing from the bed, I stretch my back, listening to all the little pops and cracks. The city is pristine from up here, no worries or cares at all. 

“Not only does he not love me back but he doesn’t care about me, shouldn’t you know that after all the years he spent belittling you? Don’t try to lie to me at this stage, it won’t help.”

Midoriya stays silent and stares past me, his eyes unfocused. I look down at my hands, over each small scar I’ve collected over the years, the calluses and bruises. They fold together, fingers intertwined and my traitorous mind imagines one of them as Katsuki’s hand. The scars on his knuckles, the permanent redness of his palm from his quirk, and the burn scars at the wrists. 

Grabbing the bucket that stays next to the bed, I hack into the emptiness until multiple blue petals are plastered to the sides with sticky blood. It takes a few heaves before the couple of whole blue flowers finally extricate themselves from my throat. I grimace sadly at the beautiful death in the pale white bucket. 

“There are so many reasons why I couldn’t let him in,” my voice is soft at the admittance. “So many that I would die from this disease before I finish the list. But-” I sigh and put the bucket down, “there has always been something missing from my life since I shut him out. I’ve known that deep down and it’s why I’ve avoided it.” 

I turn towards Midoriya whose eyes are growing bloodshot. “You know me, never one for confrontation. Remember the time I had to tell you and Shoto to chill in the dorms?” The blush that stains his cheeks makes the bloodshot white of his eyes appear redder. “So how could I ever confront him about this, especially with how he was with relationships and girlfriends? Katsuki Bakugo was only ever concerned with becoming the best, and would step on anyone to get there. God knows my feelings would have ever only been a catalyst to his ego back in school.” 

I look back down at my open hands, imagining all the times I could have told him slipping through them. Ashes smudging the skin. 

“He’s changed so much since school,” Midoriya’s voice has a rough edge to it and I can tell he’s trying his absolute best not to cry. “ So much . Ash you haven’t seen the changes he’s made. The mistakes he’s realized and dwelled over.” He scoots his seat closer to the bed and sits on the very edge, intensity in his eyes. “The amount of times he’s been over at my apartment during breakdowns and nightmares. Shit, two years after graduating, he stayed with me for a month because he couldn’t stay by himself, he was so traumatized. The amount of tears I’ve seen that man produce- it’s ridiculous. And thankfully not flammable” He adds before leaning back in the chair. 

I can only stare back at my hands. 

So what if he’s changed as a person? Doesn’t change his feelings about you. 

My body flinches before I can prevent it. 

“Ash?” His voice has such a soft edge of concern to it, so much that I could sink into it and go to sleep. But instead of being comforting, I find it repulsive.

“It’s nothing,” I answer before he can even get another question in and head over to the window. I can’t take his bloodshot eyes any longer. The pity. The sorrow for something that can’t be changed. “You should go home, I need to continue my treatment-”

“Don’t shut me out,” he pleads. The pain in his voice grates along my skull as if it were sandpaper on a chalkboard. 

“I let you in here,” I snap and whirl around on him, “I let you come in and see me like this. I told you who is causing it and why it’ll never go away. I hid this for almost six years and I could’ve continued to hide it from you but I didn’t!” My voice is bordering on shrill as my frustration begins to break through. “Clearly, I never needed any help after handling this for so long, yet everyone wants their hands in my business!”

His chair slides back with a scrape as he gets up, “You’re lucky I’m considering you still being allowed to be on this case! Don’t make me bench you Ashina!”

I scoff at his veiled threat and cross my arms over my chest. “Do it then. Save me from myself since that’s how you’ll be misconstruing it. Tell everyone at the agency as well why don’t you, that way everyone can visit me and drown me in their fucking pity!” My legs carry me towards him without a thought. “Hell Midoriya, why don’t you call Katsuki right now and tell him what you’ve just learned. Let’s watch him scrounge up with some pity for me while he’s at it too. Then maybe , I’ll be able to die happily!”

The room goes silent from my last words. Maybe I’ll die happily. 

I’ll die. 

Die. 

And? 

I shake my head and turn away from him again, looking out over the city. “Get out.” 

The door closing behind him is my only response. 

Chapter Text

“So dinner at my house tonight?” Juni’s voice is scratchy on the other line as I walk through the grocery store, my cart only half full in front of me. 

“At yours,” I agree, my voice giddy. Things have been slowly progressing away from hookups to the veiled prospect of friends with benefits. That coupled with treatments and avoiding Katsuki at all costs, have been improving the progression of the disease. Even to the point of being able to go back into the intermediate treatments, rather than intensive. 

The call beeps to signal that Juni had hung up and I pocket my phone before going back to my list. The grocery store was quiet for the afternoon much to my enjoyment. Running regular errands grows arduous and frustrating when you become prone to the public eye. Thankfully, I only had to alter some of my appearance; blonde extensions under a baseball cap. Easy things to get by. 

My third orange was in my hand when I overheard the conversation between a young couple behind me. I could blame my hero training for always being hyper aware of my surroundings, but I won’t lie, I collected gossip and stories like a dragon collected gold and jewels. 

They were hushed at first, so much that I had to really focus in on what they were saying rather than determining which orange was the most plump. 

“I shouldn’t have to babysit you to do basic tasks like picking up groceries. It’s pathetic of you to be struggling.” The man’s voice was such a penetrative, taunting sound that my shoulders drew in. The oranges were absolutely forgotten about except to act as if I wasn’t listening in on their conversation. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” the women’s voice was so soft, I could barely hear it. It was contrastingly melodic, so hearing the tone of her voice plead for mercy was heartbreaking. “But my mother-”

“-Is a burden in my life-our life. Why does she need to be staying with us? Let’s just put her up in a home that you can visit when you’re done with all the chores around the house,” he said, but the inflection in his voice held no care to help his partner. “You’d have to get the chores done without my help and you can’t even do that, so I guess good luck seeing her after I get her out of my house.”

“I-it’s our house, and we couldn’t afford to put her in a home. I-I don’t have the money to do that since I’m still paying off the car.”

“Yeah because you had to go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe for some stupid date with a friend of yours.”

“It was a job interview, I -I told you that,” she whimpers and my grip tightened around the orange. I could only imagine that he had a hand up on her shoulder, pressing down into the pressure point. Putting the orange in my cart, I slowly direct myself so that I can see the pair from over the basket of green onions, only a few feet away. I found myself looking at the, unfortunately very common, situation of Big-Abusive-Boyfriend and Small-Frail-Girlfriend. My teeth clench together in frustration. The amount of times I would have to put men in their place or teach women to defend themselves against attackers is all too common, and all too upsetting. 

True to my prediction, his hand was around her shoulder which pulled her into him. Lacking personal space, she was beginning to cower into herself. Even from here, I could see her looking around to see if anyone was watching. The man’s face was leaned in close to her face- another intimidation tactic. Lessen the visible area around a victim and they are more willing to say yes to what the abuser or attacker wants since they can’t see an escape. 

My hands clenching the cart are almost shaking and I have to double check to make sure that I have not rippled the metal. I release a deep breath. 

“If you’re not going to cooperate then-” they begin to walk away and I curse under my breath. I’ll need to follow at an inconspicuous distance to make sure that what I’m hearing is enough to call the police for possible domestic abuse. Rolling my cart a little in front of me, I make sure that none of the wheels squeak before I set up pursuit. 

They turn down the frozen food aisle and I busy myself with a frozen pizza as I watch out of the corner of my eye. He has her cornered between him and an open door of the freezer. Absolutely no place to run. Just at the sight of it, my fists clench and my throat constricts. 

How many fucking women and girls are in situations like this? 

Taking a deep breath, I settle myself before trying to listen back into their conversation. He has her pinned by his large frame and I can see through frosted glass how much she’s cowering. 

“Shut the fuck up. I don’t give a shit about your pity party and how much it hurts. I’ll give you something new to cry about if we don’t make this trip quick.”

I her her quiet sob before red covers my vision. Snatching my phone from my bag, I dial the number for a detective I know works with abuse and domestic violence. 

“This is detective Hanami, how can I help you?”

“Jun-woo its Ashina.”

“Hey Ashina, what’s up?” HIs voice is clear and rigid, especially so for someone in his line of work. 

“I’m at the convenience store over by the Arakawa river and there’s a couple here who is showing signs of DV.”

The guy whips his head around at the sounds of a conversation near by and I pretend I’m intently listening to whatever the other person is saying. He looks me up and down with a piercing look before grabbing his girlfriend and practically dragging her out of the aisle. 

“Okay. I have an officer near that area. What do they look like?”
“Give me one second…” I trail off as I try to carefully follow them. As I turn the corner, I run the cart into the back of the man. 

“Oh! Shit, I’m so sorry,” I cry, panic lacing my voice. 

The man growls as he glares at me before stepping up to me. My phone stays at my ear and I can barely make out what Jun-woo is saying as I try to keep my cool. If I take this guy down now, there will only be a charge against me, not him. I need to play into his hands. 

Casting my eyes downwards as if I’m shy and scared, I squeak out, “Sir I’m so so sorry. Please forgive me!”

His hand encircles my arm with a vice-like grip that pulls a gasp out of me. My phone drops from my ear as I make sure to keep my balance. 

“Don’t fucking talk to me like you care. Dumb fucking bitch. Next time pay attention to where you’re going.” He shoves me away from him and I bump into the aisle cap, knocking over a few bags of chips. HIs girlfriend looks horrified that he’s tried to intimidate another woman. 

They head back towards the produce and the man looking back over my shoulder to see if I follow.

Putting my phone back up to my ear, I heard Jun-woo’s voice again. 

“Ashina!”

“Yes sorry,” I rub my forehead to get the pressure behind my eyes to return to normalcy. “Tall guy wearing a dark blue jacket, maybe around six foot one. Girl is around five foot four with dark brown hair. Both look to be mid twenties.” I hear his pen scratching down details across the phone before his radio crackles as he sends word. 

“Okay the officer will be there in about ten minutes. You don’t have to stay and watch. Based on that information, we should be able to grab both for a quick chat.”
“I have to finish grocery shopping anyways, so I’ll stick around for support or follow up, whichever is needed.”

Jun-woo says his thanks and ends the call. Without being a creep, I try to finish my grocery shopping without bumping into the couple. I’m successful in getting the remaining half of what I need at my apartment as well as what Juni needed me to pick up for tonight. The walk to my car greets me with the sight of the couple being questioned by two officers who look ready to arrest the man if he doesn’t calm down right quick. A detective who works for Jun-woo pulls up and flashes me a thumbs up which I take as my que to head out. 

The longer it takes for me to get back to my apartment only makes me more and more giddy. My mind thinks back to our last escapade which included some fun new toys. My body shudders even thinking about it and I press on the gas pedal just a little bit harder. 

Once the groceries are put away, I pack my bag for the night with pajamas and small toiletries. My closet door creaks open as I go to look for my satin blue dress. Usually, I don’t like to dress up for things unless they’re events regarding work, but I’ve been feeling a bit more confident. The material is snug around my hips and ass, but giving enough structure to show off the curves I have before wrapping my chest up into a gorgeous cowl neck with an open back. I blush looking at myself in the mirror and finally gather up my shit. 

-

The same spot I’ve been parking in is open and I slide my car in before pulling the parking brake. Gathering my bag and the groceries, I head my way to the elevator and ultimately up to Juni’s apartment on the 23rd floor. When the door dings open, I’m face to face with an older lady. 

“Pardon me!” She chirps and moves herself to the side before bowing. I squeeze past her and bow back. 

“No, no, pardon me! Thank you so much.”

“Gosh you look gorgeous! Someone must have a hot date!” Her smile is infectious and I can't help the grin that rises to my face. 

“Turns out the guy in 2031 has the hots for me,” I say back but her smile fades. 

“You’re going to 2031? That’s who you’re meeting?”

My head cocks to the side. “Yeah?” Why?”

She looks down at her hands and then back up at me from under her lashes. 

“Oh no it’s fine, just have a safe night that’s all.” She bows once more and heads into the elevator before quickly shutting the doors. 

I stand in the hallway for a minute, confused. 

The fuck was that about?

The fuck was that about?

Shaking my head, I turn around and head for Juni’s door with a chill snaking it’s way down my spine, making me shiver. I knock twice, waiting for Juni to answer the door. Thankfully the thought is out of my head by the time Juni opens the door with a smiling face. 

Thank god for the desensitization of hero work. 

“Hey gorg- holy shit,” He stops himself and has to take a small step back at my appearance. I cock my hip and pucker my lips, excited and knowing where the night will take us. 

“Hi handsome.”

He bows and gestures for me to come inside. Sliding past him, I let my bare shoulder just barely brush his chest but I can feel the effect it has on him. A small groan falls from his lips and the door quickly shits once I’m inside the apartment. 

“The plan was dinner first right?” He manages to say with his back pressed against the door. A giggle rises out of me. 

“That was the plan, yes. But-” I set down the bags and take a small step towards him. “-it appears as though you may want to change that plan?”

[begin skip for rated R content]

He grabs me by the hip and the back of my neck before smashing his lips against mine ferociously. It’s a matter of breaths before our tongues are intertwined and battling for dominance. His hand on the back of my neck slides into my loose hair and tugs on it to force me to expose my neck with a mewled cry from my throat. Juni promptly finds purchase on the sensitive skin of my neck, peppering it with soft kisses and hard suckles spread in between. By the time he finds my collarbone, he’s begun to use his teeth against my skin which elicits louder and stronger moans from me. 

“Fuck-,” Juni groans against the junction of my neck and shoulder as his hips push against me and forced me back into the wall. My hands grab at his shoulders and pull him closer to me than I thought possible. 

“Juni, please,” I moan into his ear which causes a rough thrust into my hips again, sparking the heat between my legs. He picks me up by my waist, causing my legs to wrap around his hips as he takes me to the bedroom. The door slams into my back as my body is used to push open the door. The pain and the pleasure is intoxicating, letting them both run rampant inside of my nerves. I land on the bed ass first and pull the straps off my shoulders before they’re torn off. Juni grabs my ankles and flips me over onto my stomach, his hands tracing the curves of my thighs. He finds the zipper and pulls it down a fraction at a time, his erection pushing into my ass that I thrust back into. The unoccupied hand grabs my waist and digs in. The dress- now unzipped- slides off my body and I kick it to the floor before it gets trampled on. Juni’s body weight pushes on me from behind before my underwear is also discarded. 

With no warning, he sharply thrusts into me. I cry out at the rough entrance, despite how wet I am. The pace is brutal, the air getting knocked out of me with every slap of skin on skin. Having such a length tunneling in and out of me at such a rapid pace sets my skin on fire, every nerve on edge. My moans are breathy and short with the feeling of my lower back arched so far. 

Juni’s right hand snakes into my hair to which he wraps it around his hand and yanks back, keeping my upper body off the bed. The sharp pulling on my scalp makes me cry out, but rather than backing down, Juni thrusts harder into me causing the bed to hit into the wall. 

“You feel so fucking good,” his voice is hot against the shell of my ear and I can feel his body heat against my back. 

I can only pant in response, my tongue resting on my lower teeth and lips like a dog. The ache in my lower back begins to bloom with the heat in my lower belly. Each thrust sets me closer to the edge and my words are incoherent. Just before I can fall over the delicious edge, Juni releases my hair and flips me over onto my back. I attempt to adjust my positioning on the bed, but he grabs my legs and yanks be toward him, resting my left leg onto his shoulder as he slides back into me. His right hand presses down onto my stomach, causing more friction inside me than before. Tears spring to my eyes at the overwhelming feeling of bliss. The tingling and pulsating in my cunt keeps my moans breathy. 

As soon as I am so close to the edge again, Juni drops my legs and keeps his brutal pace as his body covers mine, capturing my hands in one of his and pinning them above my head. His vise-like grip only startles me when his other hand closes around my throat and squeezes. For a moment, it feels like my eyes are going to pop from my skull before the delirium of the lack of oxygen settles between my legs to build the pulsating of my clit to a higher level. 

“You’re fucking mine,” he breathes into the crook of my neck as he releases his hand. His lips against my skin and his cock in my- holy shit.  

My body begins to twitch the the pulsating and I know the edge is so close, so “fucking close!” I end up shouting as Juni’s teeth scrape across my throat. It cuts off my moan and settles into a strangled scream as I am thrown over the edge, Juni’s pace keeping just as hard and fast as his moans grow deeper in his need for release. The ceiling vanishes into black and white stars as my orgasm rips through my body like an electric shock, the faint feeling of still being fucked barely registering in my mind before it’s gone and I can slowly begin to head Juni’s heavy breathing above me. With no rush, he slides slowly out of me, which causes another wave of orgasm to hit me and I whimper as my toes curl to the point of cramping. 

[Begin here for regular plot line]

“Holy shit,” My breath comes out heavy as I pull the silk sheets up around my shoulders. I relish in the feeling of being satisfied. My dress lies haphazardly on the floor of his bedroom, thankfully still intact despite the ferocity of the two of us. 

“So dinner?” I laugh at his question and nod before rolling out of his plush bed. As he leaves the room, I grab my underwear and a large sweatshirt I brought for times like this and slide them on quickly. I can hear the clinking of dishes as I come out of the bedroom with my phone in hand. Midoriya has been up my ass since he found out about my shit and I’ve had to talk him out of kicking me off the case what feels like every damn day. 

Juni hears my light footsteps and turns around to see me bend over to grab a bottle of wine from the rack. He whistles from behind me and a smirk slides up to my face. 

“Like what you see?”

“Mm, I really liked it when it was naked on my bed earlier,” he replies and I turn to find him leaning against the counter with his arms folded over his chest. I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me want some sloppy seconds. 

“Well maybe you could get some more after dinner,” I shoot back at him before grabbing two wine glasses and sitting at the island on one of the barstools. The wine bottle is easy to open with a little quirk manipulation and I pour myself and Juni a good sized glass. It’s calming to watch him cook us dinner, a bit domestic. Usually with hookups, it’s only come and go (pun intended), so this level of domestic actions is strange, but good at the same time. I’m able to keep my mind off of the bullshit I have to deal with at work. 

The sizzle of salmon in the hot pan fades into the background as I begin a response to Midoirya’s latest rant about my condition before my head perks up. “Oh crap, I forgot I brought groceries!”

Hopping off the barstool, I grab the groceries that were dumped at the door of the apartment in the heat of the moment. Spreading them out over the island, I accidentally knock over a bowl of marinade by an escaping orange. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, let me clean that up.” As I reach for the paper towels, I freeze at Juni slamming the utensil that was in his hand. 

“Are you kidding me? Why are you in the way and making a mess right now?”

I’m at a loss for words at his outburst, yet he still has his back turned. When he finally turns around, his eyes are giving a blueish hue that I can’t look away from. 

“I-I -” I stutter out but he steps towards me with such speech that I can’t even attempt to finish my sentence. 

“Get the fuck out of the kitchen and sit on the chair like a good girl,” his voice is low and has an undertone of hostility. I back up slowly, my heart racing in my chest. 

As soon as I take my seat back on the barstool, his shoulders relax. “Now you can’t mess up anything else.”

Casting my eyes back down to my phone, I decide to scroll through social media while Juni makes dinner. There’s a palpable tension rolling through the room, like steam from the pan. My breaths are quick and quiet, just as I had learned to make with my parents at home. If they can’t hear you, they can’t hurt you. 

Just have a safe night that’s all. 

My brain decides to recount what the older lady said earlier tonight and a shudder slides down my spine while my thoughts begin to race. Could be be a criminal who preys on women? A villian with a nasty quirk? An abuser-

“Okay, I’m sorry I snapped.” Juni’s voice snaps me out of my train of thought. “I’m picky about the kitchen, but I need things to be right.” A plate slides in front of me and I can smell the salmon and parsley wafting up with the steam. My mouth waters at the sight. 

“I get it, everyone has their particulars.” 

The blueish hue in his eyes fade and a smile rises to his lips as he sits next to me. 

Chapter Text

“Everyone in position?” The radio crackles in my helmet as I scan over the docks. I had rippled the side of a crate to stash myself in since I was going with the second wave of heroes going in. The was the location of a shipment of quirk drugs that are supposed to be pushed out into the general population, ultimately trying to cause mass chaos and hysteria. 

“Copy, Ripple ready for second wave.” My legs burn from being crouched and I shift my position in the crate as best as I could. 

“Doors are opening, first wave making contact in 5,” Katsuki’s voice crackles through my helmet and I have to lift it in order to spit out petals into the river behind me. Despite such a great evening with Juni a few weeks ago, I’ve had to be full time at the agency and with Katsuki. Both Eijiro and Izuku have been sending me weird looks, and pushing me into situations with Katsuki, yet they are unaware that the other knows the situation. I like to laugh in situations like that, given the hilarity of the two men in my life who are trying their best to save me from oblivion. 

An explosion sounds and I snap my head back through the peephole I carved out to see a handful of shadows running through the darkness and into the smoke coming from the warehouse. Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten more familiar with the new sides to Katsuki’s quirk, including the precise power that he has control over. 

“Ashina! I made a breakthrough!” I was barely able to turn my head before Katsuki burst through my door, thankfully without blowing it off the hinges like last time. 

“What are you going on about?” My voice held the same tone as Katuki’s, though I would never admit that he has rubbed off on me. He sits on my bed across from me and holds one of his hands up. 

“Wait please don’t blow up-”

His hands started crackling with mini explosions, much like the firework show from the festival last week. Entranced by the light show, I left my desk and sat down on the floor, putting his quirk at eye level. From the new angle I was at, I could see his crimson eyes lit up with both pride and excitement along with his explosions. 

“Dude, this is so cool!” 

He beamed at me as the explosions fizzled out. 

Another round of explosions coupled with yelling pulls my attention back to the situation. Multiple shadows come running out of the warehouse before they are yanked back into the fray. I sigh. Some people will never learn. 

“Okay wave two let’s get some clean up.”

I press my hand to the front of the crate and let it melt away like suds before I head over towards the warehouse. My route is careful. I’m not built for full offense combat like Katsuki, so I need to pick my battles rather than blow them up. To each their own however. 

Darting between crates, I get to the front of the warehouse, the hinges smoking. Yells and shouts can be heard from inside as well as the surrounding area. Blocking them out, I focus on what my goal is as part of wave two: capture any stragglers and grab the goods. 

From our debrief about a month ago, we received confirmation that the League was producing and distributing a variety of quirk drugs. A variety were being held here before they would be distributed out to the city tomorrow, making tonight's smash and grab all that more pertinent. 

I spot the crates that I need to snatch. It doesn’t help that there’s a big biohazard symbol on the side in purple ink. I can’t help but roll my eyes at the stupidity of some villains. Slowly and carefully, I ripple the concrete under the crates and let them sink into a small space that I can move underneath the ground. Due to the chaos of the fight that is ongoing in the warehouse, no one notices the crates slip into oblivion. Moving objects under the ground takes much more concentration for me, especially with the fragility of the objects I’m moving. The regular pounding behind my eyes sprouts up and I rub my temples. The boxes move slowly through the concrete and I hear footsteps behind me. I have to split my mind between holding the crates steady and preparing an air shield in case I need to defend myself. 

“Ripple it’s me,” Shinso’s voice breaks through the headache forming in my brain. I breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Shinso, can you cover me? I need to get the crates out to the rendezvous point.”

He nods curtly and holds my six while I focus back in on moving the boxes out by the dock. Our progress is slow but I’m thankful for the team to keep the villains who were here occupied while the removal team could get the work done. Sero and Ochako are to get the other set of crates and bring them to point two where they would be secured by Katsuki’s agency. 

A loud crash sounds over to my left and the swish of Shinso’s capture weapon alerts me to the column of electricity that attempts to hit me. Dodging to my right, I manage to get out of the way, but I can feel the hair standing on end. Ten thousand volts is not fun, despite what Denki says. 

“Ripple, get to the rendezvous point! I’ve got this!” I nod at Shinso’s command and put all my power towards moving the crates as fast as possible. As soon as I’m clear of the major debris, I pull the crates up from under the ground and get them moving as fast as possible through the moving concrete. 

Suddenly a black mass slams into me and sends me careening into a pile of fishing nets and crates. Struggling to get my way out of the entanglement of coarse netting, I end up rippling myself out of the material with a wild look on my face. The area around me is clear and I frantically look around for someone with a long ranged quirk when I am hit again. My head smacks into the ground as I’m sent flying back and the world spins around me. The burning in my lungs manages to be different then when my heart is crying out from desperation. I gasp short breaths and my fingers grip the concrete as I try to gain my bearings and my breath. 

A foot materializes out of the darkness of the night and presses into my chest. The air I had regained whooshes out of me and pressure builds in my chest. Cracked ribs are nothing to sneeze at… literally. 

“Reality Ripple, nice of you to join us here.” The voice oozes around me, as if I’m enveloped in it. My vision of the cloudy night sky disappears before me and darkness slithers in.

“And you thought you could take our things, without us getting something in return.” The voice sounds like it comes closer, like a lover whispering in my ear, before fading away and reappearing somewhere in front of me. I try to sit up from the concrete but with the amount of darkness, up and down have become lost on me. 

I can hear the sounds of the fight around me, but I am oblivious to where I am in relation to others, or if I am still even visible to anyone of my allies. 

“Don’t even bother using your comms,” the voice stops my arm mid air, “my shadows prevent anything from getting out. Sound, noise, liquid -” a ghostly shiver slides down my spine, “-anything. You are only mine here. And the only thing outsiders see are shadows. 

A hand finds purchase on my shoulder but as I reach to grab my attacker, the hand dematerializes in my fingers, fading away like wisps. The hand rematerialises around my neck, cold and soft against the few inches of skin where my body suit ends. Flinching away, I swing wildly to find some kind of hold on the shadowy attacker to get out of this sensory deprivation. 

“You’re not going anywhere Ripple. You’re going to die while you’re in my shadows,” the voice breathes on the back of my neck, “ and no one will be able to save you.”

Chapter Text

The shadows have slithered around my entire body, pinning me against the cold concrete. The sadistic smile of my attacker how hovers above me, watching every flicker of pain, each wave of tears from his torture. The part I hate the most, is that he’s not asking for anything . 

Maybe everyone around you just wants to see you suffer. Not like you don’t deserve it. 

Clenching my teeth, I glare at my attacker as he chuckles again. I need to let him get in close so I can hopefully ripple his clothes or something to get away from him.

The shouts and sounds of the fight have moved away from our location and with it, any hope of someone stumbling upon me. 

“Are you not enjoying your time with me Ripple?” He asks, the oiliness of his voice washing along my neck and exposed jaw. My face shield was torn off by his shadows much earlier and I was finally graced with what my attacker looked like. His spiky black hair hung into his violet eyes and I hate how my body responded to the laugh that fell from his full pink lips. 

Sucking a breath, I felt for the concrete beneath the shadows, willing it to push me up to my feet. I felt a weak push but nothing life changing. 

My attacker melted into the shadows, but his voice drifted over my shoulder. “I have been enjoying myself very much, but I think we could go up another notch, what do you say?”

A cold sweat begins to pool at the base of my neck and I thrash in the vise like grips of his shadows, bucking my hips into the air as the concrete gave a half hearted shove from under me. 

“I don’t think so Ripple,” he slams me into the floor, his knees digging into my thighs to keep me from squirming. “Do you think you can take it?” His velvety voice does nothing but freeze the blood in my veins. 

It’s not unheard of that criminals and villains' like to try to get their way with female heroes that they’ve trapped. I’ve had only a few instances where I have been terrified of being violated, but have thankfully never been subjugated to such horrendous acts. 

A scream tears through my throat as his hand ghosts over my throat before stopping just above my head so his body was hovering over mine.

“Let’s try an inch, yeah?” He whispers in my ear before I feel the scalding pain. My scream returns at a higher pitch and tears well up into my eyes. 

Please don’t. 

“What about two inches?” 

It pushes deeper into my body and I can feel my muscles failing to prevent the foreign body from going any farther. My throat is being torn to shreds as if my screams are made from glass shards. 

“Three… four…” he purrs against my jaw, but I cannot feel any body warmth from him, only the lonely cold of losing yourself. I writhe under him but his knees dig into my thighs and his hand grabs one of my braids, pulling it tight from my skull. 

He pulls away just enough so I am forced to either look at his wild sadistic grin, or into his bruised colored eyes that glint with a violence I’ve ever seen reflected at me in crimson eyes. 

“Five,” he whispers and my scream dies in my chest, fading into a mewled whimper. He fades in and out of focus from the scalding pain. My mind cannot comprehend how it can hurt this much despite the years of pain and torture training. 

“S-stop-” I pant, my words slurring as they pass my lips, “please.”

“Go to seven inches you say? Yes please!” He shouts as it pierces me deeper. I can feel my eyes begin to flutter shut, my mind wanting to shut my body down as things are only getting worse. 

You deserve every flicker of pain, every breaking nerve and will inside your body and mind. 

“Can you take nine inches?” A broken sob is forced out of my chest with this next wave of pain that turns into a scream. It reverberates in my ears, the kind of sound I have never heard myself make before. A sound you only hear when someone finds a loved one dead. The shadows appear to be closing in, tunneling my vision. 

The world sounds loud outside and I can hear yelling from somewhere. Maybe I’m yelling? I need to get this out, get it out of me, get out, get out, get out, out, out, out, out, out-

“What about te-” 

The world is suddenly bright, but I have no energy to close my eyes. Sparks float across my vision and I can feel the wet shluck of the foreign object removed from my body with such sudden force that my body is pulled off the ground slightly. 

“You fuckers are not fun!’ I can hear my attacker yell over the sound of wood splintering and water splashing. “I was having so much fun with her, you can’t make me stop!” 

A shot rings out before I hear a body hit the concrete nearby. My head lolls over to one side and I can see a pair of green and silver gauntlets on the ground next to me. 

“-dude, STOP!” 

A sigh whooshes out of my chest. A breaking clay figure is what resides in my chest now, instead of a ribcage. The cloudy night sky begins to fade again, dotted with yellow white spikes. 

~

It takes me a moment to wake up, groaning from the wall of pain and I am hit with as soon I open my eyes. Everything hurts on my body, as if it had been put into an industrial can crusher. 

Rolling over onto my side, I curl up under the rough blanket as best as I could, recounting what happened the previous night. Sun glints in through the window, casting the specs of dust floating through golden light. A fuzzy pressure sits along my skull behind my eyes, making things seem slower than they are. Each deep breath rattles through my lungs, like wind through a torn sail from a lonely boat adrift on the sea. 

Closing my eyes for a moment to steady myself, I carefully sit up into a sitting position and cross my legs. My head lands into my hands and I rub my temples. It's not hard to notice the bandages that cover my torso and the ache in my abdomen. Lifting my head, I look down at my hands, analyzing every line that is etched in the calloused skin. The crevices that people swear show our life, our hope, our dreams and yet- all I can focus on is how the lines end, jagged and sharp. 

The door slides open and I look up to find Midoriya shutting it behind him with a stack of files in his hands. 

“Hey you’re awake! How are you feeling?” Grabbing a chair, he sits down next to the bedside. 

“Shitty since this is the second time I’m in this fucking infirmary room this past month.” Letting my head fall back into my hands, I groan. The ache I receive as I take a deep breath steels me back into the existence of the presence, rather than letting myself drift off into the grey space between my synapses. 

“Both times haven’t been bad. You still have all your limbs,” Midoriya tries to laugh but I can only manage a small smile in return. “Anyways- I want you to know that the raid was successful.” He lays a hand on my knee. “We did it.”

My eyes lock with his and I pray that they are not filled with disbelief. “We did?” 

“We got everything in the warehouse and we nabbed one of the scientists who’s been helping manufacture the drugs.” Midoriya leans back against the chair and lets his head fall back, chuckling. “Somehow, we did it. And with little injury too, besides you of course.”

I can feel the sunlight warming up my skin, “I’ve always told you I have the worst luck out of anyone in this agency Midoriya.” The laugh that bubbles out of me is uncharacteristically light and happy. “So what’s next?”

“We need to have a briefing with everyone on the case to go over the information we’ve found, as well as discuss next steps. Just because we took a whole bunch of these drugs off the market doesn’t mean they won’t just make more.”

I nod in agreement and stretch my arms out, letting the joints pop. 

“How’s your injury?”

I look down at the bandages across my stomach that are now visible from my shirt riding up. “It’s not too bad,” I pull my shirt down hastily, “another healing round and I’ll be fine.” 

Midoriya looks at me with an unconvinced look in his eyes. 

“Seriously! I thought-” The door begins to open behind Midoriya, “-that guy was going to end up raping me rather than impaling me with one of his shadow daggers.” A shudder runs through my body at the thought, but I shake it off. 

“Fuckers do shit like that?” 

My head snaps up to see Katsuki leaning against the doorway. The green t-shirt is loose fitting on him, but the black jeans are definitely not. I rub my breast bone in an attempt to calm the rising wave of pain in my chest, but I know it’s futile. 

“Uh, yeah? You didn’t know about it?” I ask, surprised that he had no idea. 

“No. I just can’t believe that criminals don’t just decide to be fuckwads and break laws, but they go as far as to try to take advantage of female heroes?” He shakes his head and stands up, rolling his shoulders back. “I’d castrate them myself if no one else will.” 

I choke on my saliva at his words and begin a round of hacking coughing. Midoriya is quick to hand me a glass of water before practically pushing Katsuki out of the room. Their conversation is muffled as I attempt to get my breathing back under control. The violating feeling of something in my throat going the wrong direction makes me throw myself towards the bathroom. 

“Morana, are you good?” Katsuki’s voice and his knock sounds seconds later. No doubt they saw some glimpse of me flying off the bed. 

Spitting a handful of petals and blood into the toilet, I manage to get my voice back, “Yeah! Be out in a bit!” 

“Okay, meet in conference room 3 for a debrief in 20 minutes. Don’t be late.” 

Chapter Text

“Last night was a huge success.” The conference room is quiet and dark as Midoriya begins his presentation. Extra chairs were brought in so no one was forced to stand but I was thankful that Kiri saved me one of the comfy conference room chairs when I snuck in just a moment ago. I had changed into comfy clothes after I had seen the doctor for the final round of healing and grabbed a cup of tea. My event in the bathroom was surprisingly mild, but I booked another treatment for next Friday rather than wait the usual three weeks. 

I let myself settle into the chair, my ribs still tender from my attackers intrusion. A chair scoots up next to me but I pay them no mind. 

“I want to thank everyone who has been helping on this case, especially the Dynamight agency, but I want everyone to take a breath,” Midoriya says, his posture relaxed in his street clothes rather than his hero suit. “We had a big win, however, things are not yet over. The league still poses a huge threat. So far, Dabi has been caught and is still imprisoned at the high security facility. A team will go in for interrogations in the next few weeks-” someone’s foot creeps into my vision and I sit up straighter in my chair, “- and the scientist who was manufacturing the quirk altering drugs is also under strict lock and key. We have not yet gotten him to cooperate in creating anecdotes, but it will come in time.” 

His voice sounded like a stretched thin rubber band, taught and trying not to snap. A handful of whispers spring up behind me but a tart “tsk” shuts them up. My eyes flicker down again to the shoes by mine, the green and purple flecks of paint catching my interest. The streaks were clearly worn from the attempt of being washed with no avail

“Alrighty everyone!” Kiri’s voice snaps me back to reality, his large hands clapping everyone’s attention together. “As one of the heads of the Dynamight agency, I would like to first recognize Deku for the amazing hard work he and his team have been doing on this case-” cheering and clapping filled the room, it’s lighthearted happiness warming my cold cheeks. A smile rises to my face and I can't help but sit up straighter in my chair. “-but his words should not be lost on us. We still need to be vigilant in our fight against the league. They will rear up their ugly head again, and we cannot be caught slacking. God only knows what they’ll scheme up after this heavy of a loss. Stay strong my friends, and first round of drinks at Yashi’s on Deku!” Kiri yells as Deku whips towards him. 

His protests were lost amongst the cheery conversation that rose in the room. Standing from my chair, I head towards Kirishima and Midoriya who are arguing loudly. As much as Midoriya is the number one hero, it’s entertaining to see him dwarfed by Kirishima’s large stature, especially when he’s belly laughing at the greenette. 

“Where do you get off telling everyone in here that I’m paying?” Midoriya is fuming and I have to stifle my chuckle behind my hand or risk losing my head today. 

“Oh can it nerd, I’ll go halfsies with you,” Katsuki’s voice steps out from behind me and I have to remember to let my shoulders come down from where they jumped up. “Fuck knows how you’d manage to pay for first round of drinks in here and fund that lavish wedding of yours.” He slings an arm around Midoriya with a grin. My body freezes at the sight of both men smiling, my brain trying to burn the image into every neuron available. Katsuki’s smile is rare. My face heats up when I see his canine fangs poke out with how wide he smiles, but the world shatters when his eyes slide over to mine. 

The smile slips from his face and he straightens up, tucking this side of him away in the darkness for only his most trusted to see. Someone who I am not. 

You could only imagine him smiling at you like that. 

Bowing my head, I turn away from the group before there’s a hand on my shoulder, spinning me back around. 

“Nope,” Midoriya says as I face him. “You’re not getting to go home and wallow in your injuries and sadness at home. Not this time.” 

Past Midoriya I can see Katsuki cast his eyes down when he realizes I can see him. A sigh falls from my lips. “Seriously Midoriya, I’ll be fine at home. God knows I need to relax for once from this goddamn mission-”

“Fuck that,” I’m startled by the interruption, as is Midoriya who turns to Katsuki. The whites of his eyes are showing more, and he clears his throat before anyone could say anything about his comment. “You should go out and celebrate with everyone. Plus I’m helping this fuckwad pay for drinks. No one can pass up free alcohol.” 

I nod silently, unable to trust my voice at this moment. Midoriya’s green eyes flick back and forth between Katsuki and I. He sighs and steps between Katsuki and I and puts his hands on my shoulders. 

“Go home and get changed. We’ll meet you at Yashi’s and have a drink ready for you when you get there.”

“Okay fine,” the reluctance in my voice is clear, however I straighten my shoulders and nod, more to myself than anyone. 

“Good, we’ll see you soon!” Midoriya shoves me towards the door and I head out to my office to grab my bag and head home. 

~

My voice echoes horribly off the tiling in my bathroom as I sing along to the music blasting from the speaker on my sink. The scalding water pelts my back which pummels out the recent knots in my shoulders and upper back. Twisting my hair up into a bun while I let the conditioner sit, I lather myself with the lavender soap and wash myself down of the grime and filth of the past few days. 

Warm water cascades down my face as I rinse the conditioner out of my hair, the steam lifting the notes of lavender into the air as I step out of the shower. Toweling off quickly, I ripple the tile to hold my blow dryer while I get myself ready. Quick dabs of concealer under my eyes and mascara on my lashes makes me look less like a corpse. My hair is a bit frizzy after being pelted by hot air, but a run through with a styling cream leaves it in soft waves down my back. 

Standing in front of my closet, I shiver from the cold air that swirls around my skin. I battle between wearing something more racey to the bar or something comfortable. Given my interaction with the three men, I decided on a more comfortable outfit. 

Slipping the shirt over my head, I am harshly reminded of Katsuki’s bright smile. A rolling wave of fear at my affliction eats away at my nerves, letting the dread of being terrified of the most beautiful thing wrap its dark arms around my mind. My shoulders always go first, a curling, crumpling, inward kind of fold. Then my knees begin to buckle, shaking from the front to the back before they feel like the bones have been removed from inside my body. A hand usually goes to cover my mouth or grasp wildly at my throat as if I were being choked, yet never by something that I would willingly let near. Then the bile. 

It fills my mouth with its rotten, sour taste and yet never helps remove the object that has rooted itself in my chest. My mind always finds itself with the same thoughts every time. 

Why me? 

Why does it hurt so much?

I’ve often wondered why this disease doesn’t just explode from me, roots sprouting from the cavity in my chest, vines wrapping themselves around my ribs as they crack apart and flutter to the ground as dirty leaves. Why do the flowers themselves choose to hide away like the love I’ll never receive, rather than bloom through the splattering of blood and splitting of skin to show that person how much the afflicted suffers from the most beautiful thing we can experience as humans? 

The sink’s cool temperature drifts into my skin as I hack the final few petals into its pale cavity. Blood cascades past my lips- much more than usual -and my the whites of my eyes sting from my much I stare, helpless, at my life staining my pure white sink. How I’ve become a stain on other’s lives, and how some will never be able to wash the stainful existence of me. 

The bruise colored amaranthus is too thick to squish down the drain with the foamy blood and I have to scrape up its bloody pulp to flush it down the toilet. It spins around and around and around and aroun-

My phone rings. 

It’s loud against the hollowness of my skull and rattles around in between my tinfoil ribs that threaten to tear. Leaving the flower to suffer its finality alone, I pick up my phone to see that Midoriya has called twice now. My phone in my hand vibrates and I see that he’s also texted me. 

Midoriya: hey where are u? Still coming?

I shoot him a quick OMW before slipping on an oversized red flannel shirt and grabbing my wallet off my dresser. An Uber comes to grab me so I don’t have to worry about leaving my car at Yashi’s. The bass in the guys car pounds through my eyeballs with how intense it is, however it allows for the tight muscles balled in my stomach to release. 

I can avoid him tonight, so what if he’s buying drinks. Doesn’t mean I have to talk to him. 

You assume he’d even want to even interact with you. 

Clenching my jaw, I roll the muscles in my neck, letting the bones crack me into an indifferent version of myself that I let loose during social outings like these. 

The car rolls to a stop and I head into the bar and out of the cold November air. Music reverberates through the building and I spot Midoriya with his arm around Todoroki, the pair laughing with a group from the agency all surrounding a table. 

Before heading to the table, I stop at the bar. “Hey can I order some drinks on a friends tab?” The bartender nods as he continues making someone’s drink. 

“Who’s the tab under?”
“Katsuki Bakugo,” I tell him with a slight smirk on my lips. If he’s buying half then I’ll make sure he regrets it. 

“Yeah I got his tab here, what do you want?”

I order a tequila shot and two whisky sours, then turn around and lean against the bar. A variety of people are dancing together and I spot Kaminari and Uraraka grooving out. Both wear grins on their blushed faces. Even from my vantage point, I can see they’re a few drinks in. A chuckle rises from my chest and I turn just as my shot hits the bar in front of me. The bartender tells me it’ll be a second before the whiskey sours are out. 

The lustful burn of the tequila -as much as it’s horrible- makes me feel thankful to feel it going down my throat rather than coming up. I set the glass back on the bar as I’m handed my drinks. 

As soon as I sit down, Sero throws an arm around my shoulder, his beer sloshing on me slightly. “Morana! I’m so glad you made it!” The glass of my drinks thunk down onto the wood table, letting Sero squeeze me. 

“I’m glad I was able to make it out, especially with everything going on.” A few chuckles rose from the table but settled into a tense lull. 

Fuck me. 

“Anyways!” My voice sounds tense, like a wire trying to cut through cold butter, “Drinks are on the top two pros so let’s make them regret it.” Midoriya rolls his eyes at my jiive but cheers his drink with the rest of the table. A couple of seats down sits Ashido and Tokoyami who are animatedly discussing a recent K-drama that they’ve been bugging me to start watching. 

My whisky sour drips condensation on the table in front of me and I drag the other into my hand before taking a long swig. The whisky burns across my tongue like small fireworks before the sour mix entangles them, melding into a delicious, tart flame. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of Midoriya pressing small kisses into Todoroki’s pale neck, the latter with a glazed expression over his dual eyes. 

“Oi, stop making out with all of us sitting here. Voyeurism is not on my kink list,” the rough voice of Katsuki appears to my right, making my whisky go a bit too sour. Our eyes meet and he narrows them at me. “You took my damn seat.”

Pulling the glass away from my lips, I open my mouth to give him a snarky response but Sero gets to it first. 

“Just scoot in next to Morana, she wouldn’t mind!” 

Fuck. Me. Literally kill me on the spot-

He would never willingly sit next to yo-

“Move over Morana, I’d like to sit down so I can enjoy my drink.”

Well fuck. 

Good luck in trying not to look like an idiot. 

As everyone scoots down to make room for Katsuki, I try to swallow the growing lump in my throat. I prayed that the Hanaiki relief spray (Takeda gave me a bottle the last time I was in for a treatment) lasts the whole night if this was how it was going to go. That and a lot of alcohol will help. 

Smushed between Sero and Katsuki created a comfortable bubble of warmth from the two men, Katsuki more than the previous. 

“Katsuki can you please scoot closer? It’s too fucking cold out here for you to not share you warmth with me.” Despite the irritated look on his face, Katsuki sauntered over to me and stood close enough for me to feel just enough of the warmth that radiated off of him. 

“Just because my quirk causes me to run a bit warmer than normal doesn’t mean you get to take advantage of it,” He grumbled from the inside of his jacket that was zipped up to his chin. “Besides, Icy-Hot is much better at providing warmth than me.”

We looked over to where a majority of the class was bundled around Todoroki who was giving a small bundle of flame in his hands to keep others warm. 

“I could, but your room is closer to mine than his, so I can stay in your warmth for longer than I could his.” 

Katsuki grunted and took another step closer to me, our jackets brushed together briefly. My chest tightened achingly and I rubbed the heel of my gloved palm over my breastbone. 

Draining the rest of my whisky sour, I trade it for the second one and down about half that glass. The warmth is suddenly getting to be too much and I roll up the sleeves of my flannel shirt causing my elbow to lightly jab Katsuki in the ribs. Instinctively, I freeze, waiting to be cursed out. However, he just gives me a glance and continues to nurse his old fashioned. Shaking myself out of my stupor, I finish rolling up my sleeves and take a breath. 

The warmth of the liquor creeps over me, like a warm blanket over my bones, warming me from the inside out. By this point, everyone is multiple drinks in and at various stages of drunkenness. Uraraka and Kaminari have made their way back to the table, leaning heavily on each other. 

Staring at my (now empty) whisky sour, I roll the drink on the edge of the cup, watching the wet lines it makes. 

“Hey Blasty, can you skootch so I can get out and pee?” Sero pipes up next to me. With a lot of grumbling from Katsuki, I file out after him while Sero scoots off to the bathroom. Before I could get back onto the seat however, Katsuki grabs my arm. My head snaps up to see him shaking his head, his red eyes glossy and slightly bloodshot. 

“Fuck,” he mumbles under his breath, and drags his free hand down his face. 

“A-are you good?” I ask, scanning his face to see if he was about to collapse, or puke on me. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” his voice slurs a bit, only heightening my concern. “I wasn’t expecting to be this intoxicated this fast, but that’s what you get when you mix weed with alcohol.” 

I can’t get my eyes to look away from him as the bold realization that Katsuki smokes weed rolls through my body. Closing my mouth a few seconds later, I get my brain back into gear. “I’ll grab you a water from the bar, I was going to grab another drink-” the world suddenly tilts. The hand connected to the arm that Katsuki is still holding onto, grabs onto him as I try to keep myself from falling over. 

“Fuck me,” I breath as the world, slowly and painstakingly, rights itself. “You’re not the only one who was just hit with all the alcohol they’ve drunk.” My tongue darts out to wet my lips that feel so dry all of the sudden. When I look back up at Katsuki, his gaze is fixed on my face with such an intensity, my arm drops from his. 

Why is he staring at me? 

Do I have something on my face? 

Did he realize it was me and not someone else standing here? 

Is he about to puke on me? 

Is he about to puke because it’s me? 

“You good?” My voice is quiet, running through reasons why he’s staring at me so intently. 

Are his eyes dilated? 

Without moving his eyes, he also wets his lips and a lump jumps into my throat. 

Fuck me. 

And thank god for that medicinal spray. 

“Let’s go get some water,” I say and push past him towards the bar, causing his hand to drop from my shoulder. In my blurry haze, I can feel Katsuki follow behind me to the bar, coming to rest on the top heavily next to me. 

Before I can flag down a bartender, Katsuki whistles sharply causing my head to snap towards him. The rude comment dies on my tongue as I finally take in what he’s wearing. 

A tight black t-shirt with an orange X across his chest, his classing fucking merch of course, with a green button up shirt over top. My eyes trace over the baggy fit on him despite his size, finding their way down his arms to see the rolled up sleeves and the multiple wristbands and bracelets on his wrists. 

“A whisky neat and-” Katsuki looks at me, “Do you want another whisky sour or something else?” 

All drinking options disappear from my brain as I sink into his crimson eyes. It takes him waving a hand in my face before I snap back to Earth. 

“Uh, a mojito please, thank you.”

He nods once and turns back to the bartender who hosts a bored expression on his face. “A mojito for the lady, stat.” 

I have to blink at his descriptor of me before I face the bar, staring at the liquor bottles in front of me. A sudden presence on my left makes me raise my head and I find a man standing next to me, looking for the bartender who is making our drinks. Before I can move myself, a hand snakes around my arm and tugs me toward its owner. I find myself almost tucked into Katsuki who doesn't pay the man any attention. Standing up straight, I put an appropriate distance between Katsuki’s too warm torso and my own body.

Our drinks appear in front of us and I hear Katsuki tell him it goes on Midoriya’s tab before he steers me back to the table where Kaminari, Jiro, and Sero occupy seats. 

I stop in the middle of the floor, causing Katsuki to have to wheel back around to face me. 

“The fuck is your deal? You’re in the middle of the dance floor,” he snaps at me and tries pulling me by the arm. Yanking it out of his grasp, he sighs heavily and comes over to me. “Start walking to the table right fucking now or I’m going to have to end up splattering the guy who was next to you all over the floor,” Katsuki whispers in my ear. 

My grip on my drink tightens so much I fear I will shatter the glass in my hand. The heat that is sent into my lower stomach flares, but it shouldn't’-it can’t. Not here, not now. 

“I do not like how he is looking at you, so if he dies because he can’t keep his eyes to himself, it’s on your hands,” he snarls and straightens up next to me, getting my legs to begin walking towards the table. 

Sliding in next to Jiro, I set my glass down heavily and attempt to not look shocked. Katsuki slides in across from me next to Kaminari, staring me down despite how hard I look at the condensation gathering on my glass. 

“Are you guys good?” Jiro asks, breaking whatever thick air we brought over with us. 

“Yeah we're fine,” I answer quickly and get myself back into my body. A deep breath rattles through my tight lungs. 

“We’re fine, but if that dude at the bar doesn’t stop eye fucking Ashina, I might end up spilling blood,” the blond’s voice remains harsh with an edge as sharp a razor. 

“The fuck?” Kaminari says and leans over the table to see who Katsuki is talking about. 

“Men like that are fucking disgusting. Clearly Ashina isn’t interested or giving him any attention, so why should he have the right to look at her with that kind of sexual intensity?” Katsuki continues on his rant while everyone looks over. Meanwhile, I sip my drink as fast as possible to find some kind of excuse to leave the table. 

Thankfully, Midoriya and Todoroki appear at the table with Uraraka and Momo who slide in next to Katsuki and I, boxing us in. 

“It looks like he’s gotten the hint now guys,” Jiro says to the three men now deathstaring this random guy. Strangely enough, my chest feels light at the thought that any one of them would be willing to start a bar fight so I wouldn’t have to deal with some sleazy guy.

“Bakugo, you wouldn’t even get the chance to splatter the guy, Morana would beat you to it. You know how feisty she can be when someone pisses her off,” Kaminari chirps up as he settles back into his seat. 

“Facts,” Sero agrees, “With the right drive, she’ll beat your ass so hard, you’d think you were some slutty bitch.”

The table breaks out in laughter at the thought, my own giggles rising up. I steal a look at Katsuki who has a snarky grin on his face. His shoulders are shaking as though he were trying to suppress his own laughter. 

“She'll have to catch me first guys.” Under the table I feel a foot hit mine, and Katsuki doesn’t look away from me. Heat pools in my abdomen and I can’t help but feel too hot again. A friction blossoms between my thighs that I squeeze together in an attempt to calm the feeling. 

Shifting my feet, I try to focus back on the conversation the rest of the table was having about what was the best club song. 

“Dude you can’t grind on anyone to that slow of a beat,” Kaminari protests at Jiro’s suggestion.

She merely shrugs her shoulders, “Then maybe you don’t know how to dance properly.” 

The whole group rises with the threat, knowing how particular Jiro has always been about dancing, as well as how bad Kaminari’s dancing was. The foot hits me again and stays at my ankle, but I keep my attention focused on the conversation, letting the burning be ignored. 

“If you think my dancing is that bad then why don’t we find out on the fucking dancefloor?” Kaminari is almost shouting at this point, but with everyone intoxicated, the group matches his energy. Most pile out of the seats and head over to the strobing floor. 

“No sitting out this time Ash!” Much to my mild irritation, I let Jiro pull me out with her, the alcohol fueling the looseness in my bones. The feeling of relaxing into an intoxicated release feels so good after so much time of tension. The warmth that pooled in my lower belly spreads out through my body, my heart rate jumping up. I let Jiro settle me into a rhythm, her body close to mine. Her current relationship is a fast and loose one, which allowed her to settle her ass across my hips, grinding close to the spunky music. Keeping my hands in respectful places, I sway with her, my head thrown back and a laugh on my tongue. 

Ochako grabs her hands and pulls her away from me, the three of us strutting side to side, giggles swapping between us. The music transitions into a much more thick air, the other couples getting together quickly and space between bodies disappearing quickly. Kaminari grabs Ochako, dragging her into a sloppy kiss as his hands roam her curves. Jiro and I can’t help but laugh at their messy situationship, knowing that they need to stop fucking and get together already. 

Letting the music and alcohol keep me moving, my hands find their way into my hair, tousling it around. When I open my eyes, I find that I have managed to end up facing the table where Sero and Katsuki watch us dancing. My movements slow down as I see Katsuki’s grip on his glass, his tongue wetting his lips almost too often for it to be subconscious. He was the picture of a man going feral for his prey. The heat reared its head back in my stomach and I could feel myself tightening under his gaze. Even from this distance I could see how dilated his eyes are, the red almost being devoured by the black as he watched. 

Then suddenly, he stood.

Chapter Text

That fucking red flannel shirt. I had always wondered where my red flannel shirt went in the middle of second year and here it was. On her body. On her body that I couldn’t fucking look away from. 

Part of me regretted smoking the joint before I showed up at the bar, but the thought of having to be ‘on’ with so many other people around spiked my stress. No shame in relaxing myself before going out right? Plus I‘ve done the whole smoke and drink routine, so why would tonight be any different? 

She was what was different. 

When was the last time we drank together? Second year? When the teachers left for winter break and a handful of us stayed in the dorms and Tape-Face snuck in alcohol? Or right before the summer before 3rd year when Ashina and I got drunk by the harbor and I fell in the water? 

I sighed. The world was already tilting to its side just a bit and I knew I was reaching levels of intoxication. Deku and Icy-Hot were making out at the table that Sero and I sat at while the majority of the group was getting crazy on the dance floor. 

“Any new people in your life right now Bakugo?” 

I couldn’t help but groan. “Dude you know I’m staying away from the dating scene. After that crazed girl last time who almost doxxed me when I said I wouldn’t sleep with her? I’m alright being by myself.” I hated how honest I was about my dating life, but inhibitions running through my bloodstream will do that. 

“Understandable mate. I’ve been sticking to the stuff that I know works,” he waggles his eyebrows at me and I roll my eyes. Disgusting. 

With a heaving sigh, I turn my gaze towards the dancefloor to find quite the scene. Ashina is hips to ass with Jiro, grinding their little hearts out to the rapid fire music pumping through the area. My eyes rake across Ashina’s face, the level of confidence that paints her face only adds fuel to the fire. 

“You look better when you’re confident,” I couldn’t stop the words from falling out of my mouth. Ashina turned around from the mirror, eyes wide with shock. The dress she was clearly trying on hugged her curves in all the right places and I could feel myself salivating. Fucking hormones. 

“Bakugo! Get out!” I shut the door before the book almost hit me in the face. I jammed my hands in my pockets before heading back to my own dorm across the hall trying to ignore the tenting in my pants and the pounding in my chest. 

I shake my head out of the memory of Ash in that navy blue dress from second year and bring myself back to the dance floor. Jiro has removed her ass from Ashina and dances next to her while Round Face swaps spit with Kaminari. Taking a swig of my drink keeps me from vomiting onto the wood floor. I come up for air as the music changes to some hot and heavy shit, the sound of footsteps and heavy breathing filling any empty air. To my left, I can feel Sero leaning around me to observe the dance floor. 

“See anyone goo- whoa,” the sentence dies in his mouth. I wet my lips at the sight of Ashina swaying her hips side to side on beat, her hands in her hair, and looking like she’s gearing up for the biggest pleasure wave of her life. The room blurs around her while I watch her hands roam her body, reminding me of how much she’s changed since school. Changed in good ways. Her hands go from her hair, sliding down her breasts- which are another thing all together- palming down the planes of her stomach before rounding out the curve of her ass. 

Fuck. 

The flannel shirt- my flannel shirt - hangs and hugs her body in all the right places to the point where my grip on my glass is almost crushing. When her eyes open, they lock with mine, the hazel and gold flecks visible even from this far away. She slows but doesn’t stop her dancing, a blush coating her cheeks. The pull in my gut is undeniable and rather than sensibly turning away, my dumbass stands up. But before I could take my first step towards her, Sero calls my name. 

“Bakugo, check out this girl over here, she keeps eyeing me. I need to know if you think I should do it!” His tugging on my arm is incessant, so I turn back towards him. 

“What the fuck do you want?” I growl in the voice of a man who is being deprived of water. His dark eyes widen before searching my face. 

“I just- wait,” he pauses and looks over my shoulder before looking back at me, “you got your eyes on someone!” 

I pick up my glass, drain it, and slam it roughly on the table. “Fuck off tape face,” I spit and wipe my face. What the fuck is happening? My chest feels tight but I can’t deny the heat in my core that is building. 

“Wait! Who is it? Jiro?” Sero becomes my whole vision and I shove him away to have some fucking personal space. 

“I said fuck off! Plus you reek of tequila,” I add as he falls back into the booth. 

“You don’t smell much better blasty. Who’s got your eye? Can’t be Kaminari, especially with his situationship with Ochako- too much there to even begin to get with either of them to be honest. Jiro’s got her whole open relationship so there’s her and her girlfriend, wait you could have a threesome probably! Who else-” He pops back up and actually fucking leans on my shoulder to get a better look of the dance floor before continuing his word vomit. “Ashina is also out because she’s already dancing with some guy and they look cozy so who-” 

I shove him off again with such a force that he hits the wall with a thunk and a muted “ow”. 

There was little that could prepare me for what I turn around to see. Ashina, in my red flannel shirt, has her ass to a guy who has almost an entire breast in his hand. In my blurry vision, I recognize the guy as the one from the bar earlier that I threatened to blast to bits if Ashina didn’t move her ass from the dance floor an hour or so ago. 

The muscles in my shoulders seize and a freezing rush comes over me. The rest of the bar disappears besides the man behind Ashina, his hands roaming her body. He spins her to face him and she stumbles a bit before he yanks her back to his body. My feet are moving before I even realize I made the decision to intervene. The guy's hands cup her ass, and his face disappears within the curtain of her hair. My stomach tightens and I flex my fists, ready for a brawl. 

“Bakugo!” A voice and a pair of hands grab me, pulling me from my destination. 

“Get the fuck off of me,” I say to whomever grabbed me, and rip my arms out of their grip, but another pair grabs my shirt, sliding up my chest. 

An extremely drunk Kaminari fills the tunnel of my vision, but I keep trying to see Ashina, check on her, get to her-

“Bakuuugooo,” he drawls out and his hand finds purchase on my shirt, grabbing as if it’s the only thing keeping him standing. A brown bob joins him and Round Face looks no less intoxicated. 

“OhmygoshBakugo,” she slurs and leans on Sparky. 

“The fuck do you guys want?” I snap and Kaminari’s eyes widen. 

“Bakugo what’s with the faceeee? You looook like you’re gonna- your gonna,” he hiccups and puts his hand over his mouth momentarily before looking back up at me, “like you’re gonna kill somebody!” His voice ends shrilly which garners the attention of Momo and Jiro who has sauntered over. 

“Who’s Bakugo killing now?” She appeared the most sober out of the three by not very much. I try to yank myself away from them, looking over my shoulder for Ashina, but she’s vanished from the dance floor. 

I can feel my heartbeat in my palms as I scan the nearby area and the table where Sero is making ‘fuck me’ eyes at another table of girls. It takes me too long to find Ashina at the end of the bar in a dark corner, her body tucked into the sleezy guy’s. 

“Let me fucking go!” I roar and shove Kaminari into Jiro and Round Face. As I turn, I see Deku and Icy Hot’s heads pop up at my voice across the dance floor. More people have filed onto the dance floor, preventing me from having easy access to get to Ashina. The blood pumping in my hands has spread to my arms and I can feel the heat in my veins.

Before I can get away from Kaminari, another hand has grabbed my wrist and I spin around to forcefully remove the face of whoever decided to grab me this time. Sparks dance around my fingers but my hand is grabbed and iced before I could grab anyone. 

“Kacchan? What’s going on?” Deku asks while Shoto has a tight hold on my hand to keep it from going off. The sweat that was collecting on my palm freeze, but that doesn’t stop the beads of sweat racing down my back. I’ll blow the whole place if I have to. 

“Let me go! I need to go-”

“He kept muttering Ashina’s name, but she’s with some guy,” Jiro fills him in and his green eyes scan through the bar quickly and I can recognize the change in his eyes when he spots her. 

“Bakugo, she’s just with some guy and it looks fine. She’s laughing and smiling so I’m not worried.” His eyes return back to mine and something in them tightens. “She’s happy right now, don’t go ruining that, please.” 

The pain in his voice causes the anger in my body to falter. 

She’s happy. Don’t ruin it. 

I bite the inside of my cheek until I can taste blood, my fists shaking. 

“I need some air,” I mutter and go to turn but Shoto catches my arm, his look deadly. “I won’t bother her. Fuck off. ” 

Ripping my arm out of his cold hand, I shove my way through grinding couples and sloppy drunks before heading towards the bathrooms and out the back door. 

The cool air of the night instantly refreshes the skin on my wrists. As much as I wish it could cool down my hands, I have too thick of calluses and too much nerve damage to feel much of anything. 

A few couples are out in the back alley swapping spit and getting a little too freaky for the public setting but I pay them no mind. The beat of the club pulses through the open door and I can hear someone giggling by the door before they stumble out. 

“ Fuck-” Their voice is breathless and I turn to see who found fresh air for the first time in hours. The long brown hair shields their face but I can tell they are rubbing their chest, trying to get air into their lungs. 

“I thought- why me- fuck!” They turn around and I find myself face to face with Ashina. Her chest rises and falls with her rapid breaths and her face holds a healthy flush across her cheeks. The heat bubbles up again, causing me to shove my hands in my pockets to keep the obvious- well less obvious. 

“Ashina, you alright?” The question spills from me before I could come up with anything less pitiful. Her hazel eyes widen for a moment and she looks around as if talking to me will get her in trouble. 

“Uh- yeah!” She says breathless. Fuck, they must’ve been-

“I just needed to get away. He’s relentless and I just don’t need-” She rubs her face and runs her hands through her hair before taking a deep breath. She stands a bit wide and I can tell that she’s still pretty drunk and trying to wrap her head around something. Absent-mindedly, she rubs her breastbone, but when she looks back at me, the hand drops so fast I could almost believe it was never at her chest. 

I take a deep breath, trying to wrangle my own intoxication. My flannel shirt is rolled up on her arms, exposing a variety of scars and a few tattoos. I wet my lips, unable to keep lewd thoughts in the dark depths of my mind. But those arms in that flannel shirt, just the flannel shir-

“Could you help me with something?” Her voice is quiet but not timid, thankfully. I don’t trust my voice, so I simply nod. “You were right about that guy. He came up behind me while I was dancing and he wouldn’t get the fucking hint so I played along to see if he’s eventually leave, but he kept asking about going back to his place and-”

No amount of color could penetrate the red I was seeing. Ashina’s voice faded into the background as images of this guy flashed in my head. Asking her to go home with him. Making advances on her without her consent. His voice roiled in my head “ She with you? Because if not, I’ll take that ass and tap it before anyone else's hands get in there. ” 

Bile rises in my throat and I flex my fists, feeling the heat rise again. The snap and crackle in my veins of my quirk powering up, the heat beginning to rise from my palms. 

A puff of air hits me in the face, shaking me back onto Earth. Ashina stands there with her hand outstretched, clearly the finished move of her hitting me with the air. 

“Stop being a hot headed fuckwad and listen to me asshole.” Her verbiage catches me off guard and the crackling halts at her forwardness. “He’s waiting for me at the bar right by the bathrooms which was my excuse. I’m going to try to ripple my clothes-”

“Switch with me,” I interrupt as I start taking off my own flannel shirt. 

“What?” She looks at me as if I have grown a second head. 

“You’re wearing my flannel anyways, so it should fit- I think,” It didn’t even occur to me that I’ve probably grown since second year and that the flannel she was wearing may be too small. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t use your quirk, you’re fucking drunk. Just switch with me.” 

Rather than letting her try to argue with me, I toss her the garment, leaving me in my t-shirt. It takes her a second before she takes off the red flannel, leaving her in a tight t-shirt and she tosses me the fabric. As Ashina slips on my green button up shirt- which is comically oversized on her- I work the red flannel on. I was right, it was significantly smaller than I imagined. The fabric strained over my arms and I could barely keep my arms down or I would end up ripping the fabric across my shoulders. 

When I look back at Ashina, the blush across her cheeks has morphed into a bright red. Maybe I should flex and she might- no! 

I swallow and clear my throat. 

“I’ll go in first and try to block his view of you, then let’s just head towards the extras on the dance floor. Better to blend in with more people than sit at the table in the open.” 

She nods and pulls my shirt around her before shaking her head, replacing the timid look with one of confidence. My legsare like paper with the sternness of her stare at the door. The determination of her almost sends me to my knees. 

Heading back into the pounding and pumping music, my eyes sweep for her guy and spot him at the bar, eyes locked on the bathroom doors next to us. I reach back for Ashina and her hand grabs mine so I can better block her. Her skin is warm, like a cozy bed on a rainy day. 

Using my body to keep him from noticing her, I steer us towards the group of extras who are still dancing. As we cross his line of sight, I pull her to the side of me, then in front of me to make sure that he doesn’t see her at all. With my hand on her shoulder, I keep close to use my larger frame to keep her hidden, her body tucking perfectly into mine. Deku spots me first and his look of frustration melts as soon as he spots Ashina. 

“Wha-,” he splutters but I shake my head, telling him to drop it. The music throbs around us loud enough that we have to slightly shout to be heard. 

“He was weird and creepy. Wanted me to go back to his house and sleep with him and was being pushy,” Ashina informed him over the music. 

Deku nods and looks up at me. I shrugged my shoulders and attempted to blend in as I moved Ashina towards the center of the group. I knew for a fact that she could handle herself, however while intoxicated, I’d rather one of us men handle a drunken guy looking for what he thinks is an easy target. 

I quickly fill in Deku on what is happening who nods curtly and also keeps Ashina in front of him. The whole group bounces to the beat of the music, yet I can’t seem to find the rhythm, plus the last thing I’m wanting to do is dance right now. Ashina gets back into her giddy, drunk self as she ends up between Ochako and Jiro, the three women all getting fruity. 

As I go to sweep the bar for the sleezy guy, a hand lands on my shoulder from behind. Whipping around with the hand in mine, I find myself face to face with Mr. Sleezy. 

“You look my woman asshole,” he spits and I can almost taste the alcohol on his breath. 

Wrinkling my nose, I look him up and down, but before I could get a word out, a smaller frame pushes in front of me. 

“Hey asshole ,” Ashina’s voice is sharp enough to cut off a man’s dick with one letter. “I’m not your fucking woman. I’m trying to have a good time with my friends and you assumed I wanted a good time with you.”

“Because I can show you a good time sweets,” he looks me up and down, “especially better than this blond fucker who thinks he’s hot shit.”

My fists crackle but Ashina beats me to it. “He is hot shit and you’re a small dicked cunt of a man who probably is a one pump chump and couldn’t find a woman's clit if it hit you in the face. Now walk away before you find yourself swallowing your own testicles in a back alley after I beat your ass.” 

I take a step back, not wanting my own testicles in my mouth. 

The man stares her down and she balls her fists, standing her ground. I can feel the anger rolling off of her in waves, itching for a fight. Her shoulders are tense under my green shirt and I step back up behind her. “Beat it dude before you end up dead in a dumpster.” 

He huffs. “Whatever bitch.” Turning around, he stalks through the crowd and heads towards the back door. 

“Damn girl!” Jiro says from behind me and I step out of Ashina’s way. The fury in her eyes lights up the golden flecks and her fists are still tightly balled. Without excusing myself I head to the bar and order two sake shots. As soon as they hit the bartop, I’m weaving my way back into the crowd, Nudign Ashina, I wordlessly hand her the shot glass. We clink and down the shots. 

“Fuck men,” she says as she gets a breath. 

“I mean that’s what a significant number of women like doing,” I say and grab her glass from her, depositing them on a nearby table. 

The beat turns into something nasty, the women in the club cheering out and suddenly there are so many more bodies around me. The heat kicks up from the amount of bodies around me as well as the reignited alcohol in my bloodstream. 

A gleam arises in Ashina’s eyes and she begins dancing to the beat in an inherently sexual manner, maintaining eye contact with me. 

My mouth fills with saliva and I wet my lips, closing the distance between us. Her body is dangerously close to mine and the heat in my core ignites with a fury. I keep a healthy few inches between us so she can’t accidentally feel exactly how much blood is pumping through my body. The last thing I need tonight is her feeling my erection, lest one I couldn’t explain to her face. The drunken blush and glazed eyes tell me that she is past drunk and that she probably won’t remember much of the night. 

She spins around and manages to press her ass against my hips, sparks shooting through my nerves from the pressure. Literal sparks flash across my eyes and I have to squeeze them shut to keep my quirk from getting riled up. Breathe. Breathe.  

When I open them again, the world swirls and I feel the alcohol flood my system, pushing me past regular intoxication. Faces blur and the pressure on my hips leave, but someone is touching my arm. I find hazel eyes with gold and a smile rises to my face as a warm feeling comes over me. My hands reach out to pull her into me, to let that warm smile light the dark corners of my soul-

Then someone is grabbing my face with their hands and forcing me to look at them. Green eyes swirl into my vision. “Dekuuuu.” Fuck I’m drunk. I blink a few times to try to sober myself up but there’s no effect. 

“Kacchan you need to-” Deku’s voice fades in and out, the music tormenting my already bad hearing. “-she’s hurting and-”. My eyes focus on Ashina dancing with Jiro and Kaminari again, the three of them looking like they’re having the time of their lives. My chest swells and I can’t help the shit eating grin that breaks my face. 

“Are you even listening to me?” Deku’s voice cuts through the noise and I notice how red his face is. And not a drunken red, a pissed off red. 

“Whadefuk?” I slur and wipe my face. 

“He heard nothing of what I just fucking said.” The hands leave my face and my body pitches forward slightly but I manage to catch myself before I faceplant. 

“Bakugo.” Okay I need to get myself together this looks horrible, what are people going to think-

“Kacchan-” Fuck just breathe, everyone is super drunk too and it’s not like any press will get in here, it’s a safe place-

“Katsuki!” My eyes snap up immediately but instead of seeing gold, I’m looking at green. “If you’re not going to listen to me, you need to fucking go home.” Deku’s voice is clear but it takes twice the time for my brain to process what he’s said. 

“Wha- no I’m fine,” I tell him as best as I can. My eyes scan for the head of brown but it’s disappeared into the chaos. Not even standing on my toes can I find her. 

“Who are you looking for?” 

“Ashina, I need to make sure-”

“Shoto is taking her home,” Deku says and I drop back down onto my heels.

“What? Why? What is-”

“That guy isn’t going to be around her anymore, the two of you took care of that. But right now she needs to go home and take some time away from you-”

My head snaps towards him at his words but then the room spins a bit too much for me. My stomach turns and I have to grip his shoulder to keep myself upright. 

“See this is what I mean,” he grunts as he slings my arm around his shoulder. Dumping me on a bar stool, he rifles through my pockets. 

“Closing two tabs. Bakugo and Midoriya. Yep. Thanks.” His hand slides my wallet back in my pocket and we are up and moving again much to my dismay. 

“Deku I’m gonna-”

“We’re almost outside, you can puke there.” 

The door creaks open and the cold air steals the nausea from my mouth. A sharp whistle and a taxi pulls up at the curb. I hit the back seats unceremoniously, the leather warm and soft under my cheek. Someone scoots in next to me, reciting my address, and suddenly the warm leather seats are driving us somewhere. 

The world continues to spin and before I can pick my head up from the leather, the moving has stopped. 

“Come on.” 

My arm is pulled and I’m dragged away from the warm leather and back into the cold. The arm that was pulled is slung over broad shoulders and I am directed towards a building. 

“Heyyyyy that looks like my building!” I giggle and the moving stops for a moment. 

“Did you just fucking giggle ?” 

“Pshhhh, no I didn’t, you’re lying,” I say back and we head into the building. The elevator dings and we head up. 

Deku grabs my keys from my pocket and opens up my door for me. The room is warm and I let out a sigh. 

“Fuck I’m so tired, I’m so ready to sleeeep- oof.” My body hits the couch and forces another deep sigh out of me. 

“Your keys are on the counter and I’ve put out some water and aspirin when you’re ready to come back to the world. Also I’m using Blackwhip to lock the door since you’re incapable of functioning right now.”

“Mkay,” I mumble and let myself sink into the cushions of the couch, surrounded by gold flecks and the sparkles of a warm smile.

Chapter Text

Who the fuck put the sun right in front of my goddamn eyes? 

With a groan, I manage to pull open my eyes that are crusted with sleep and sit up. The bed is not my own and neither are the clothes I’m wearing. A blond set of spikes flash through my head but then I see the orderly closet. Realizing I’m at Juni’s, the breath wooshes out of me in relief. 

A glass of water and a bottle of pain meds are on the nightstand next to my phone that is showing low battery. Grabbing the charger cord, I plug it in and head towards the bathroom. 

How the fuck did I get here? Rubbing my face, I turn on the shower while a yawn pulls itself from my chest. Fuck, everything hurts. Last I remember is… 

“Ashina, do you want breakfast?” Juni’s voice trickles into the bedroom before he appears in the doorway. “Well it’s more like lunch now since it's almost noon.” He looks be up and down. “I won’t lie, you look like a wreck,” he chuckles and leans against the frame. 

I glance at myself in the mirror and see the mascara that now clings to my waterline in a streaked manner. “Juni everything hurts. What the fuck did I do last night?” I groan, slumping down onto the closed toilet, letting my head drop into my hands. 

“I managed to piece together that you went out to a bar with friends and got hammered,” He chuckles again, “then you showed up here, black out drunk and horny.” 

I look up and see his eyes hold a feral light. Memory of being pinned down while being slammed into repeatedly sparks into my brain. I sigh. “Explains why my hips hurt so bad.”

“Take a shower and come on out for breakfast.” He turns and leaves me with my own thoughts. I came here out of all places? 

The shower is finally warm and I begin to strip my clothes in the bathroom, when I freezed when I see the marks on my skin.

Red marks marred my wrists and arms, as if I had been held down forcefully. There were bite marks on my shoulders that I lightly trace over. The tingles were shock waves in my nervous system, both pain and pleasure. An icy shudder raced through my body, overpowering the hot steam of the shower. 

I need to get clean. 

You will never be clean. Not with your past. 

The voice is so cold and uncaring that my shoulders curl inwards like a child’s when being yelled at. 

I’m fucking trying my best-

It’s not good enough. 

“You’re not good enough, can’t you see that!” The hand struck me again and I tried to press myself farther into the corner, but the walls were as unyielding as they were. 

“Your quirk not only manifests so late, putting you behind all the other children-” a kick to the ribs this time, my breath stolen from my chest, “-but it’s pitiful! So what you can change how an object exists? It’s weak and you can’t fix it afterwards-” the disappointed sigh hurts almost as much as the next punch to my face. “You’re worth nothing.” 

The hot water pours over my head, dropping onto my skin like little pearls of hot lava that burn so deliciously. It’s a bit easier to let the imperfections and the dirt crusted self loathing wash off when the water makes the skin red with its heat. Rather than burning to the point of pain, it burns to the point of release, allowing the sigh to fall off my lips languidly and without hesitation. 

While I wash out my shampoo, I try to think back to last night and the events that took place. Being out at Yashi’s for drinks. Being squished next to Katsuki. The heat coming from Katsuki. Accidentally being kicked by Katsuki. The eye contact from Katsuki. His tone when he told me to move my ass off the dancefloor-

I should not have been as unprepared as I was for the onslaught of blood and bile that spewed from my mouth. Coughing has become a constant companion now. Each time I exhaled forcefully, another petal emerged, slick with saliva and blood. The sound was soft, almost delicate, but the force behind it was excruciating—like my body was fighting me, rebelling against the attempts to push the flowers out. I put a hand against the tiles of the shower wall, trying to stabilize myself. Petals spilled from my mouth, staining the tile in a delicate, twisted pattern that got washed away in moments. I coughed again, harder this time, my body jerking forward with the force of it. This time, petals fell from my lips like a waterfall, flooding the floor around me, the petals catching on the drain and causing the water to fill the bottom of the shower. My vision swirled from not being able to get enough air back into my body and I fell to my knees, bouncing sharply off the tile. The steam around me was thick with the smell of crushed flowers—sweet but bitter, the tangy scent of blood fouling the mix. My chest burned, and I clutched my ribs, hoping to silence the pain, but the petals kept coming. The water causes the petals to cling to my wet skin. 

I could never fucking get away from this goddamn thing. The memory of red eyes swirling like stars in my vision. The hot and bothered feeling of being happier than I have in so fucking long. The burning of the water began to morph into hot steam as my quirk- my fucking quirk - decided to ripple the water into steam, the droplets now no longer pelting my back. Steam clogged the air, no longer pleasant to the skin but suffocating and claustrophobic. I rapidly searched for the handle to the water, to try to gain some sense of control on this before I passed out naked in my hookup’s shower for fuck’s sake. 

Grasping out wildly, I found the handle and pulled it sharply back down to the off position before collapsing back against the hot tile wall. With each sharp inhale of air, I could feel the crumpling of my ribs, the tenderness of the fresh skin of my lungs that were razorbladed from petals and roots and this inability to be loved back. 

Without the water, I finally realize that I‘m crying, hot tears pouring over my face. I shoved the petals that were covering the drain out of the way so the life stained water could drain. So I could be rid of this twistedly lovely scene in front of me. 

Once the water drained, I scooped up the petals and while splashing water all over the place, dumped them into the toilet. Remnants of blood stuck to the sides of the bowl and had dripped onto the seat, much to my unending frustration. Sloppily, I wipe the blood away and flush the petals down to the sewer where they belong. 

“Okay now to actually shower,” I say to the room and wave the steam to dissipate. Turning the shower to about 85% as hot as it was, I wrap up the shower and finally step out in a towel. Wiping away any evidence of my affliction, I head into Juni’s room to see if he had any clothes I could borrow. Despite hooking up for the past month or so, I have yet to leave any clothes here, so I grab my remnants from last night. My shirt smells like the floor of the bar, so I look around for another shirt when I spot a green button up and toss that on. It smells like campfire and cinnamon as it passes over my head and I can feel the tension in my shoulders relax. 

I head out into the kitchen, still towel drying my hair, to see Juni scooping eggs and rice into bowls for us. Plopping down into one of the chairs at his table, I gulp down the orange juice he set out and try to gain control over my racing heartbeat. 

“Alrighty, here is some eggs and rice. I’m hoping it’s gentle on your stomach. I’d rather not clean up puke again.” 

My eyes bug out of my head. “I- you had to- oh my god,” I put my head into my hands with a groan. 

Juni laughs loudly, the sound filling up the empty space. “Only once, and you made most of it into the toilet, so there wasn’t much.” 

I peek up at him from between my fingers. HIs smile is genuine- no frustration or hatred behind it. With a sigh, I let my hands drop and pick up the fork before digging into the dish. It perfectly settled my hungover stomach. As I finish my food, I hear my phone go off in the other room. 

Before I could get up, Juni has already left the table with a quick shout over his shoulder of “I’ll get it!”

“Looks like Midorya texted you?” He says and hands me my phone. With a breath of relief, I thank god that I had my message notifications private so Juni wouldn’t see what the text was about. 

“It’s just work stuff, thank you for getting my phone,” I say as I swipe open the text. 

From Midoriya: Hey, once you’re back to the land of the living, head over to Tartarus for the interrogation of the doctor we captured. 

“What does work want on a Saturday?” Juni asks. I look up to see him staring intently at my phone while his chopsticks absentmindedly stab his rice and eggs. 

I put my phone facedown and return back to my food. “Oh nothing, they need me to come in for paperwork stuff, no biggie.” Juni continues to stare at my phone as if he could burn a hole through it. Suddenly his eyes flick to mine and my breath catches in my throat at the fury boiling in his eyes that are starting to glow around the edges of his iris. 

“They want you to come in on a Saturday?” He asks again, though the edge of his voice is sharper now, enough to put me on edge. 

“Uh- yeah,” I laugh uneasily. “It happens every so often. We get overloaded and sometimes we need to go in on a Saturd-”

“Are you lying to me?” 

The question catches me off guard and I freeze. The pounding in my chest spikes, and I can feel every heartbeat in my bones and up towards my face. My eyes sting. 

“What? No! Why would I-”

“To get away from me, of course. Why else? To escape me for some reason,” he says, the tone of his voice accusatory of some type of hurt and trauma that is being projected onto me. 

“I would never!” I protest. “I mean I do have a life outside of whatever this is between us but…” I trail off not knowing how to quell his anger. 

He stands up, almost knocking his glass of juice over. His shoulders rise and fall at a rapid raid, the anxiety in my chest forcing me to look at how he’s clenching his fists. He takes a deep breath and looks at me darkly. 

“I’m sorry. Clearly I’ve got some unprocessed issues,” his laugh is nonreassuring, “I think I need some space to make sure I’m doing alright.” His hand goes to rub the back of his neck and my skin bristles. Slipping my phone into my lap, I carefully set my chopsticks down and push back from the table. 

“Juni-”

“I’ll text you soon, I promise,” he says, cutting off my apology.

Nodding my head, I stand from the table and go into his room to collect my things. Thankfully I just needed to grab my shirt and put on my shoes before I headed out. After hearing the lock flip, I stood in the hallway for a moment, trying to process what just happened. 

My phone began to buzz which pulls me out of my thoughts. Midoriya’s name flashes on my screen. 

“Midoroya, yes I saw your text,” I head down the hallway towards the elevator and rapidly press the button. “I have to shower and get ready, I just uh, woke up.” I cringe at how fake my voice sounds. 

“ Oh yeah sure. Just woke up my ass. Shoto told me what happened.”

Fuck me. 

“What do you mean?” The elevator doors finally ding open and I pull my phone away from my ear to call myself an uber as fast as I can. 

“He told me how you refused to go home and that you needed to see some guy named Juni. Look I’m not one to speak about your love life right now as fucked up as it is-” the elevator dings on the ground floor and I just about run out towards the curb to find my ride. “ Just get to Tartarus suited up in the next hour. We need to start the interrogation soon if we’re going to get anything from this guy.” 

“Sure yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can!” I try to sound upbeat, but the sigh from Midoriya only tells me that I failed miserably. Taking a deep breath, I try to steel myself for having to go into Tartarus, the prison that holds the worst of the worst criminals. 

My uber drive is uneventful and I find myself in a cold apartment. When I first moved in, I tried to make it as cosy and happy as possible, especially after coming off an isolated last year at UA and going straight into hero work. But now in the morning light and the headache pounding behind my eyes, the colors look drained from my safe place. Like a fading corpse, my life is losing its will to live. 

As fast as I could, I showered, dressed in street clothes, headed over to the agency, changed into my hero suit and was on my way to Tartarus. The headache continued to pound behind my eyes all throughout getting ready despite the medicine I took earlier. 

The bronze doors to the entrance of Tartarus almost looked villain-like itself. Deterring anyone who would be stupid enough to try to break into the most heavily guarded prison, let alone into the belly of the beast where the more horrible criminals existed. 

As I was scanned in and given an access badge, I could feel the air turn icy cold. The feeling of pure hatred and evil. It doesn’t help that I have put away a handful of criminals that reside in these walls. I let the shudder run through my body before stepping into the boots of my pro hero confidence. I belong here. This is my scene, my job, the thing I’m good a-

The thing you’re good at? Yeah right. 

How many people have you let get killed? 

How many villains and criminals have you failed to catc-

“Reality Ripple,” the guard’s gruff voice cuts through the thought like steel shredding iron. A breath pushes out of my chest and I shake my head. Thank god I brought my face shield, at least that’s something that can give me a place to shelter myself behind.
I’m escorted through a doorway into another hallway and find Midoriya, Katsuki, and Lemillion waiting outside a cell. Striding up to them, I let myself exude the prepared and confident air of Reality Ripple. 

Katsuki’s face makes my chest tighten; dark circles are etched under his eyes and I can tell he’s probably feeling just as hungover as I am. He shoots me a glance, but it’s a glance of indifference. I let the glance slide off and focus my attention on our target.

I always hated interrogation rooms. The dark and fearful air they casted upon everyone. It was never good. The room is sterilely lit, cashing jagged shadows that were harsh and hard. The doctor sat at a metal table, his hands bound with quirk cuffs that were also reinforced to the table itself. He was a thinning man, with hollow eyes, but despite the gaunt frame he radiated a slow and quiet aura of arrogance. My fingers twitch with anticipation and impatience. The faster we can be done with this, the better. 

The doctor sighs, cocking his head to the side. His coat was clearly discarded and replaced with the Tartarus mandated jumpsuit, but he continues to hold himself like he was untouchable. “Such hostility,” his voice calm despite the steel in his eyes. 

Katsuki is seated across from him, arms crossed as he laid back in the steel chair while his crimson eyes burning with barely restrained fury. Even from my perch on the wall I could sense that is Katsuki could have his way, his hands would be around the thin column of the doc’s throat a bit too fast. The tension in the room pulses and crackles like a live wire. 

“I suppose I should have expected that I would end up being looked down upon. You heroes are always the same, acting as if you’re above everything. But at the end of the day-” he looks up at me, grey eyes piercing daggers, “you’re just as desperate.” 

“How about you cut the shit,” Katsuki growled and sat forward, leaning onto the table. “We know you’ve been working for the League. You’re the brains behind the quirk drugs. The erasers, the enhancements, the experimental bath we picked up.” The heat in the room rose a couple of degrees as Katsuki’s quirk began to spark against the table. “Tell us where the next shipment is or I’ll blow your fucking teeth out you scummy cunt.” 

The doctor only exhales slowly, stretching the bones in his spine with a series of cracks and pops. “Such hostility. Typical for you pros, especially you Dynamight.” His pale blue eyes sweep the room, taking each one of us pro heroes in, accessing us in an instant. As his eyes slide to me, they hover and wait. One second… two seconds…

Something coils in my stomach, like a frozen weight. His eyes narrow for a fraction of a moment and I can feel my body straining to not twitch or flinch under his gaze. “You look unwell Reality Ripple,” His voice held a casual amusement, as if he knew something I didn’t. “Quirk strain? Or perhaps something else?” 

My fists tighten and I can see Katsuki tense out of the corner of my eye, his head turning to look at me. It was almost as if he were tensing to jump, like a cat, in front of me or next to me at a moment’s notice. 

“Interesting deflection doc,” I respond coolly and push off the wall, coming over to stand beside the table. Perhaps being in the doc’s personal space might make him sing. “I’m just recovering after a fun night out, knowing you were behind bars.” 

The doctor chuckles, drumming his fingers on the table. “So you went out acting as if you won. Just how wrong you are,” his voice is quiet with certainty, causing me to pause my slow steps behind him. “I may be in this chair, but the League still remains three steps ahead of you.” 

Lemillion whistles low. “And here I thought we had a genius on our hands. Well we better find someone better guys,” he says with a clap of his hands. 

The smirk on the doc’s face widens, pulling at the leathery skin. “You caught me, sure. But do they actually need me to finish what’s already begun?” He leans forward on the table, cuffs clinking. “The next batches are already in production, if not already being circulated out into the dredges of the city. It may be in the water for all you know.” His laugh becomes a cackle as he throws his head back. “You are too late! The League has something planned that is much bigger than me, bigger than you and all of hero society!” 

My eyes flick towards my colleagues, eventually locking with Katsuki’s crimson eyes that are filled with determined loathing. A muscle ticks in his clenching jaw. “Where? When?” 

“Now why would I tell you that Dynamight? Or you Lemillion?” I continue my lap around the doctor’s chair, clear that he’s set in dragging us down this little production of his. “You all will find out soon enough-” his eyes gleam with an icy knowing as they connect with mine as I pause next to Katsuki, “-though, you might not live to see it, Reality Ripple.” 

My vision blurred slightly, and for a moment, the doctor’s eyes were burning with little blue flames that clawed their way up towards the top of his head. He sounded as if he knew something that I didn’t. The thought began to burrow it’s way into my skull, trampling over my nerves and getting tangled up in all my anxieties. Suddenly my headache pulses and slithered it’s greedy little paws into my chest, wrapping around my ribs and causing them to burn with such a fury, I suck in a sharp breath. 

In that same moment, Katsuki shoots up with such force that his chair goes flying backwards. He’s grabbed the doc’s cuffs in a sparking hand and has pulled him halfway across the table towards him. The breath hitches for a moment in the doctor’s lungs, the confidence and bravado flickering for a monet while being so close to a seething Katsuki that leans in. 

“You think you’re scary, but you’re clearly a useless, sad, and brittle bastard,” his voice was low, lethal, and dangerously steady for someone brimming with such rage. “I can show you what fear looks like, and you’ll end up having to go into solitary after I’m through with you.” 

The smile began to drop from the doc’s face, the pride lowering to a simmer in his eyes as he realizes who has a hold of his hands and the firepower so close to his body. The explosion quirk spits small fireworks onto the skin, singing them and drawing flecks of blood. 

Deku finally pipes up, the patience in his voice thin and hard. “We can do things the easy way or Dynamight here can lose his temper. We’ll all be leaving this room today,” he says as he gestures to us, “ however, you may not. ”

As much as my body was aching- the pounding in my head becoming a rising wave of torment behind my skull, the twisting of my ribcage inside my chest like they were merely strips of tinfoil- I place a hand onto the metal table. From where Katsuki was holding the doctor, he could very clearly see my hand go through the table, sending ripples out like water. This was war, and goddamn if I was going to let a little pain get in my way. 

“You’re not as untouchable as you think. Clearly since you’re stuck in here with the four of us.” I directed the metal table to send a thin strand out towards the doctor, snaking around his throat, slipping under the collar of his jumpsuit enough to make him flinch as the strand solidified into a jagged line, drawing more blood from his neck as small corners pierced his skin. 

“If you give us what we want, then maybe you’ll be able to come out of solitary with your mind intact.” I can’t help but drink up the horror that slides over the doctor’s face as he realizes the reality of his situation between Katsuki and I’s quirks. Deku and Lemillion could watch from the sidelines and just the two of us could bring this man to the brink of insanity with our own fucked up minds. 

The doctor swallowed and nodded once. 

Katsuki waits while I call back the strand of metal from the table and smooth it over with the palm of my hand before dropping the doctor back into his chair. 

“Fine, but remember you’re powerless to stop this,” he rambles out, clearly pissing himself.

Chapter Text

The winter came as a slap in the face. Cold nights and even colder wind chill threatened to wipe all of us off the map. Heroes were called out for rescues from snow and ice and the villains simply stayed in their evil little caves to wait out the storm. These were the days I was thankful that I could manipulate the effects of weather. Many of us whose quirks could be helpful in natural emergencies, such as fourteen feet of snow, were sent out all over the country. I had never been in a speed jet more times in my life than these last few weeks. 

“I have the eastern street cleared,” I call into my radio. Sweat drips off my face even beneath my mask and in the cold temperatures. “Looking for any trapped civilians and will send them towards the city center.” 

My eyes scan the doorways and windows for handprints, faces, or signs of damage. Fairly quickly, I hear a cry for help and find an older couple who cannot get out of their house. Placing both hands on the door, I liquify the material and pull it apart, allowing the couple clearance onto the street. Thankfully they both are bundled up and have a bag of belongings with them if they can’t back immediately. I do my best to put the door back together but my work is sloppy. The headache that has been living behind my eyes begins its usual pounding on my optic nerve, making my head twitch to one side in pain. 

“Reality Ripple, thank god!” The woman says as I turn around. Giving her my best smile, I take a breath to try to steady myself. There were creatures lurking around in the shadows casted by the snow and ice, but I knew that it was just the overuse of my quirk. 

“Alright guys, I need you to follow the snow signs down the street and take the ice sled that Shoto built. It will take you to the recovery tents in the city center.” They both nod and give me their thanks before picking their way over to the slide entrance. Shoto and I worked in tandem to create a system of slides that lead back to the recovery tents. Building such big slides took a toll on my rescue speed, my pace becoming slower and slower the longer I went. 

A broken window that has blood on one side catches my eye and I carefully climb through the broken panes of glass. The room is deserted and snow has intruded on a once warm living space. I scan the area, looking for footprints when I see the body of a young boy that looks to be curling around another body. Dashing over, I roll the boy over and find a dog in his arms. Both are breathing as light as clouds, lips blue, eyes shut. Scooping the two up, I have to concentrate hard in order for the wall, the window frame, and the leftover snow to slowly pull apart and let me pass. The effort makes my head swirl and I have to shake my head a few times to get the rolling of my vision to stop enough for me to locate the entrance of the ice slide. 

“Shoto! I’m coming your way with a boy and his dog. Very little response. Please prep warming blankets and saline in the recovery tent!” As I step up onto the slide, I hear Todoroki’s confirmation come through staticky. After I sit down on the slide with the boy and his dog in my lap, I knock on my helmet to get the static to go away. It rings in my ears, making my head go fuzzy and disoriented. The weight of the boy and his dog causes me to slump sideways on the slide, smacking my head against the edge. For a moment, the lights blink out and I’m sent into unconsciousness, sliding away. By the time I come back to my senses, I’m what looks like halfway to the rescue camp. The boy’s lips are a deep blue, the color of cobalt in a night sky which spikes my heart. Placing my hand underneath me, I slick the ice, letting it melt just enough to help me go faster down the slide. As we pick up speed, buildings flash past my vision, blurring together in a shitty stop motion animation. The shadows crawl to life; hopping from building to building as if they are chasing us. Fear claws under my suit and I pull the boy and his dog closer to my body. They’ll take them if I let them near– I can’t let that happen. Throwing my hands out, I shoot walls of condensed air towards the shadows as they hunt us, growing and howling as we race towards the recovery area. Static hums in my ear. 

“ What the fuck is happening? I have tops of buildings being blown off by nothing but air? Is there a villain attack?” 

The world zips around me, fuzzy around the edges. Faces emerge from the cracks of light between buildings but I can’t tell who they are, where they’re from or even what they want. They all yell, screaming my name, screaming for help, screaming and screaming and screaming. The boy’s body is cold against mine as I pull him as close as humanly possible, as if I’m trying to pull him into my own body to shelter him from the monsters outside. 

Without moving my hands, I send a pulse of air out from me. A ball of concentrated air explodes from me, shattering the ice slide to my horror. I was just trying to get rid of the monsters– we were falling at a rate I was barely able to pick up on. Instinctively, I throw a hand out to try to make a kind of floor of the air under me, but it is wobbly, causing me to hit the ground stumbling and I wrap the leftover brainpower I have into creating an air bubble around us as we crash into a nearby building. The building envelopes us like jello, sucking the air from my lungs and I repel the concrete away from myself, the boy and his dog. My head hits the pavement, rocking inside my helmet. Each breath feels like I’m trying to suck through a straw that has metal shavings in it. The weight of the boy and his dog sits on my chest, not helping my breathing, when I notice the state of the building. A wide section, maybe a ten foot radius of jello like concrete. It rippled in the cold air around us, shockwaves hitting the normal concrete and bouncing back which only causes more chaos.

Setting the boy down gently, I stand on shaky legs, the feeling like getting up after a 4 hour workout. The concrete is cool under my gloved fingers, just enough to sew an unsettled seed in my being. The unnatural existence of the concrete makes me shiver. When I put my palm against it, the thought of it becoming solid again takes a slow moment before a spark of purple under my hand and a pulling thud behind my eyes causes me to blink. The wall was back to normal; solid and strong. 

It’s change makes me back away slowly, not taking my eyes off of it as I go back to the boy and his dog. 

“Reality Ripple! I’m closing in on your location please respond!” The panicked voice of Todoroki pulls me from my stupor and I click my comm on before picking the boy back up. 

“The slide faltered. I have a young boy and his dog here and unharmed except for possible hypothermia.” 

“ Are you okay?”

I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. By the time I have a response drafted up in my brain, Todoroki and Creati come around the corner, their faces looking relieved. 

“Thank god you’re okay! We thought there had been a villain attack-” 

Something moved behind them, a glimmer dancing into the darkness of the building’s shadows. My fingers twitch and my mouth dries. It’s here? Only a few feet away and it won’t attack? 

“Ashina let me take them back, we have everything ready-” 

“Yes,” I respond, my eyes not leaving the darkness over Creati’s shoulder. “I’ll do a sweep of this area to make sure there’s no leftover activity or people who need help.”

Creati’s eyes connect with mine for a moment with her deliberately stepping into my sightpath. 

“Meet us back at the recovery area in one hour or we’re coming after you.” The look in her eyes only solidifies that she knows something is crumbling inside me. I nod once before pushing past her and heading into the unknown. The faint sound of footfalls are my only direction towards who I’m stalking– hunting . 

Slinking in the shadows like a common thief, I listen in for my next directional cue. Voices begin to collect together like a jigsaw puzzle in my brain. Light peeks under a nearby door, the voices hushed and muffled. A cruel smirk washes over my face, knowing that I’ve caught the monster, especially before it hurts anyone. 

My steps are silent with my quirk allowing me to cause no friction on the ground and therefore no sound. My blood feels like it’s vibrating with the thought of capturing this villain; being able to prove to everyone why I’m deserving the number four spot on the hero ranks, that everything I’ve been through was fucking worth it. 

A scream pierces the air, and like lightning- I yank the door off its hinges as it liquifies so fast it almost dissolves into air. Bursting through the entry I’ve made, I’m faced with dozens of bodies on cots while a few dressed in white hover over a couple. 

The breath dies in my lungs. Air pricks the whites of my adrenaline stretched eyes, the realization settling in that I have just busted open one of the medical areas. The gasps of victims trying to recover both their health and their sanity echo around in my muddled brain. Backing out despite multiple people calling my name, I ripple the concrete up to the walls to create some kind of protection. 

Protection from you. Look at yourself. Hunting the shadows like you’re some kind of self proclaimed hero of all. Pathetic. You can barely protect those around you, much less bring others to safety. 

The sting of my knees collapsing onto the sidewalk is muted behind the aching in my nerves. Muscles in my hands twitch, jerking my fingers around while I watch the veins on the backs of my hands darken from bruising under the pale skin. Cold sweat drips down my face as I watch the shaking of my hands that lie limply on my legs. Breaths come out ragged, grasping for purchase out of my mouth, tearing through my lungs as if some feral spirit haunted them. The world tilts and a hand shoots to my chest as I feel it collapse like a dying star; imploding before exploding and destroying everything in its wake. 

Breaths mutate into gasps that make me yank my helmet off my head as if it were choking me. It clatters to the ground as I place both hands on the ground in an attempt to stabilize myself. Blood drips onto the asphalt in steady streams. The coppery taste fills my mouth as it continues to pour out of my nose, life beginning to puddle around my helmet and hands. 

My body feels as though it were vibrating, sheer energy and adrenaline coursing through my veins so much I can feel it racing through my bones , my very skeleton threatening to burst inside my body.

Footsteps from down an alleyway cause my head to shoot up like a scared feral animal caught in the trashcan. In a shitty attempt to get rid of the blood pooling in front of me, I end up creating some horrific blood sculpture, sharp hands and fingers reaching up from the pool as if they were being pulled into hell itself. My hands won’t stop shaking as I grab my helmet and flick my eyes back and forth between my creation and the person who is slowly coming towards me. 

“Ashina?” The strong and soft voice of Kirishima removes all stability I had created over the last few minutes, as shoddy as it was. As he comes into view of the odd light, my body slumps and tears pour down my face, mixing with blood that clings to my face. Sobs burst through my heaving ribcage as he gathers me up in his large arms. 

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise.” 

I caught sight of a broken bloody statue as we headed back towards the rescue areas together. 

“You need to rest,” Kiri says, steering me towards a more private area of the recovery center. Through the crowd, I spot the older couple as well as the boy and his dog before I’m enclosed in the tent. A sigh of relief washes through me before Kiri sits me down on a cot and grabs gauze and isopropyl alcohol to clean me up. 

“Are you hurt at all?” His voice remains soft and I’m comforted as if I were his child. What a lucky kid, ha. 

“Just a headache I think,” I murmur under my breath, trying not to let exhaustion drown me. It pulls my shoulders down like a heavy blanket. 

“Quirk overuse?” 

“Probably. It’s been a rough winter.” I manage to chuckle at the stupidity of the situation. Being beat by weather rather than some villain. 

“Okay. You need to go see Recovery Girl before you leave and take tomorrow off.” 

I raise my hand to protest but he smacks it away. 

“I’m telling you this as co head of the Dynamight agency, so in a way, I out rank you here.”

“But you’re the number seven hero?”

He wipes my face of the remaining blood, the sharp smell making my nose burn. “I’m glad you can still count with the beating you’ve taken from your quirk.” 

A small laugh blooms from my chest, pulling a painful ache with it. Exhaustion pulls the corners of my mind, the edges of my vision going with it. I’ll just rest my eyes for a quick moment. 

~

When I finally manage to open my eyes, I’m wrapped up in a blanket on a cot in the medical wing in the agency. I can't help but groan in frustration as I come to a sitting position, letting the blanket pool on my legs. Rubbing the spot between my eyebrows, I try to piece together the missing time. Memories of conversations flit around in my brain that feels too empty, as if part of it is missing. 

I don’t bother to look up when footsteps enter the room and sit down. From under my hand, I can barely see a pair of black boots that are speckled with green paint. Dropping my hand, I let my head roll back as I wait for the onslaught of torment by yours truly. 

“Are you okay witch?” His voice sounds strained almost, but I shake off the thought. Katsuki Bakugou would never be strained, let alone worried over someone like me. Rather than meeting the gaze that I can feel burning into the side of my head, I drift my eyes over to the window, watching the snow drift outside across a grey sky. 

“I said are you-”

“I heard what you said.” The air remains silent between us. Only a steady sound of breathing can be heard between us. If one listened closely, maybe they could hear how fast my heart is pounding in my chest, fighting against an invisible force. 

“Shitty ha-,” he takes a breath, “Kirishima, said that you may have overused your quirk yesterday.” I try not to focus on how he corrected himself with Kirishima’s nickname from high school, or how I’ve been out since yesterday. Fuck me. 

“Not in the recovery wing, though I’m flattered you consider me an option.” 

My eyes whip to his, trying to read what he was fucking talking about in the crimson waves. Then it dawned on me and I dropped my head into my hands, groaning. Great, now my inside thoughts are becoming outside thoughts. 

Katsuki laughed. It's the most gentle sound to be made by someone as sharp as he is. A blush coats my cheeks and I can feel flowers blooming in my chest, threatening to choke me to death as his laugh continues to fill the air between us. 

“‘M sorry,” I mumble between my fingers before I began coughing. Each cough felt as if I had swallowed razor blades, my mouth quickly filling up with blood. Grabbing the water from the table next to me, I try to swallow the pain in my chest, willing with everything I had for the petals to hide themselves, to behave for one fucking time. 

When I set the cup down, it’s clear there was blood in my mouth by how the water is now tinted pink. Katsuki’s eyes linger on the glass, emotion swirling in them, but nothing I could accurately discern. His eyes slide back to mine, the sharp and cool walls back into place. 

“You never answered my question,” he says, reminding me that he actually asked that question and it wasn’t some fucked up delusion I was having. 

“I’m fine. Just another day,” I state as plain bleached bones. There was no reason to go into detail about the deterioration of my health, the hallucinations, the headaches. No reason to describe the putrid horror I felt as I saw the gruesome statue created in my own blood in an alleyway. 

His eyes searched mine, clearly trying to see past the facade I was putting up, however, for too long this facade has been up. At this point, it’s probably the truth I believe in subconsciously. That everything is fine, that I’m not dying, that things are not falling apart, falling like grains of sand between my fingers. Like how my tinfoil ribs were being torn and crushed by the roots of love making my body their own twisted garden of death. 

I smiled. 

Katsuki shook his head and stood. “Keep lying to yourself if you’d like, doesn’t hurt me.” 

Pushing the blanket off my legs, I slip off the bed onto shaky legs that wobble under me for a moment. Taking a deep breath I follow Katsuki out of the recovery wing and back to a small conference room to find Midoriya, Togata, Todoroki, and Kirishima all seated amongst files, maps, and notes. 

“Ash, hey,” Midoriya greets me, his smile gentle. My heart twists at how even his smile is so soft, the underlying fear that I’ll shatter at any moment. 

I nod rather than responding and pull out a chair. The papers closest to me show a map of a remote city outside of Nara, a detailed list of high security villains currently in Tartarus, and background information on our doctor friend serving time. 

Silence grows in the room; a palpable mix of the stress from the case and a growing worry for my health. Even though everyone in this room has gone through quirk overuse, reaped the rewards when your body breaks down in its most complex forms, they still treat me as though the slightest push will send me careening over an edge. Kirishima and Midoriya glance periodically my way and I come to the sickening realization that their worries are only increased by my disease. 

A sigh falls from my lips and I stand briskly from the chair I’ve been occupying. “Okay where are we in this case? It’s clear we have some kind of lead since we have maps of Nara pulled- but what’s the next move?” 

The silence remains, Todoroki and Katsuki now train their eyes on me while Midoriya and Kirishima shift from foot to foot. No one moves to answer me right away. A thrumming begins in my ears, a telltale sign of impending anger beginning to ignite in my body. 

The rain tapped against the window, grey clouds that covered the sky. I could feel my blood racing under my skin. Other students packed up their stuff before they headed out for lunch period. Only a few remained, chatting by the door before they left. No one bothered to look back for me, to invite me to lunch with them. All in their own little world. 

“Who the fuck would want to be saved my hero like you? You should probably be in with the development class since we can’t rely on you to be helpful at all.”

My fingers curled around the desk, grip so tight I could probably snap the wood. As the comment swirled around in my brain, conjuring up different people to repeat it over and over again, the temperature plummets in the room. The rain that hit the window was now stuck to it, frost slowly covered the glass from the edges in sickeningly beautiful patterns. My breath puffed out in front of me as the moisture in the air now has begun to freeze, closing the oxygen off in the room, water condensing on the walls. 

My hands trembled from the force being exerted from the grip I held, each muscle tensing up, eyes glazed over as I watched the fucking event happen at the training ground. The second year hero student who I got placed with yelling at me in an alley between the buildings after we lost to the group Katsuki got paired up with. The way he talked about how I couldn’t get my quirk to work right, how I could never be a hero because I hesitated and hesitation meant that people died. 

The wood beneath my hands let out a sad hiss and groaned as it melted under my hands, the metal dripped onto the flood that began to crack. Bubbles appeared on the windows as they too began to go from freezing cold to boiling hot. 

A single sob broke free of my chest and the room felt like it was caving in on me. Ceiling tiles began to sag from the heat, while water continued to condense, ice forming on top of the bubbling floor, the desk warped into some horrifying sculpture of hell. 

The voices continued to swerve in my head, my hands covered my ears as if to help ease the pain. All this pressure, all this heat and cold and fear swirled around me. The desk has melted away leaving me to waver like a weakened tree in a wind storm. The heat from the floor and the cold from the windows made my skin burn in a way I never knew I could feel. The shaking of my limbs, they way the trembled muscle by muscle as if the atoms in my body vibrated at too high a frequency. Steam nipped at my legs, frost curled around stray locks of hair, the floor repelled from my feet. My breaths came in harsh gasps, the pounding in my head, the voices yelled and screamed at me–Katsuki yelled at me that I would never be good enough, to go die–

Then it stopped. As if a pin had burst a balloon, the rushing in my veins halted and returned to normal rhythm. 

“Morana, you’re okay, you’re safe,” Aizawa’s voice was like a warm blanket. His body came into focus, crochet in front of me, eyes blazing as he held my quirk at bay from destroying UA and myself along with it. His hands hovered in front of me and fear tore through my body at the thought of hurting him if he tried to touch me. My eyes glanced around the room at the damage, at Aizawa, at a second pair of red eyes trained on me from the doorway of the classroom.

“You don’t need to control it alone. But you do need to talk to someone before you end up hurting yourself. Or someone else.”

With a slow breath out, I settle myself before I end up reinjuring myself and using my quirk before it’s ready. The fire in my bones slowly settles. 

“I am not some fragile fucking doll that’s going to break. It’s more of an insult to treat me like you’ll turn around and find me broken than to treat me like a normal fucking person.” I keep my eyes trained on the desk, my chest rising and falling. My fingertips have turned white with how hard they’re pressing into the table. 

When I finally look up, Todoroki has an intense look on his face, one I can clearly discern as determination. His hand is wrapped around Midoriya’s wrist while Kirishima and Katsuki both have their eyes averted. Something in my chest sinks, grasping for the silver lining of why the two men refuse to meet my eyes. 

Folding my arms over my chest to signal that I won’t keep complaining about the situation, I leave the ball in their court. Only Todoroki is brave enough to swing. 

“We have intel on where an important base of theirs might be. However there’s new knowledge that criminals in Tartarus are planning something. We need to interrogate the doctor again, but-” He pauses and looks up at Midoriya who has turned away from me. A single minimal nod is exchanged between them. “-we need you to go in solo.” 

Chapter Text

I found myself back at Tartarus much earlier than I thought. The interview is set for 6am, early enough that the doctor’s usual morning routine would be disrupted, possibly allowing for more information to be spilled. 

I try not to think about how much blood and petals I threw up last night, the way the bathroom smelled like copper, how the trash needs to be taken out from the takeout containers and the amount of putrid petals I’ve thrown away. My next appointment is later today and if they didn’t see major improvement, they threatened me with level 3. 

My skin is buzzing, feeling like it could flake off if I move too hard. Midoriya and Kirishima would be coming in about a half an hour to see the last bit of the interview before we debriefed. Katsuki had been pulled away for something happening in Fukushima that needed his direct attention. Only Kirishima knew the details but he had to get back to Setsuna right after the debrief so it's not like I could get it out of him. 

Swallowing the anxiety that decided to rear its ugly head, I flash my credentials to make my way in. Smiling easily at the guards who pass me through feels regular. Feels normal. Feels right. 

This is my job. Mine. 

Despite how many times I’ve been in here, I still take a deep breath before the outside world is gone for however long I’ll be in here. The door clicks, groans, and finally with the creaking of metal, locks behind me. Sealing me from easily getting back outside. 

Every few feet is another bright and harsh light that illuminates the metal floor. The guard who is escorting me to the doctor’s cell is the quiet type, which I find unusual. Most guards here love to chat with heroes or visitors, though there are very few. It’s their access to the outside world while they're here, protecting civilians from the worst of the worst. I've had many guards simply ask me about the weather- how warm or cold is the wind today, does the sea still smell like salt or does it smell like seaweed, how hot is the sun on exposed skin? It’s these questions that always violently remind me how good I have it out in society while these brave souls are here 24/7, dealing with the taunts from those who have chosen to have the worst life imaginable. 

My boots echo the hollow breaths whooshing out of my chest. Not only have I been needed in more high level crises but also in the amount of stress being put on my body: rescues, villains, hot and feral sex. The faint tingle of arousal scorches through my body at the thought of teeth on the fragile skin of my neck, but I force myself to shake the feelings away. My shoulders crack and pop in the joints as I roll them back, a stupid little habit my mentor had that wormed its way into my own personality.

The door to the level 3 containment units is taller than it is wide, towering over the hallway in a way that could only be perceived as impenetrable. A deep breath was the only thing I did before flashing my badge to the officer next to the controls. He nods once, then pushes and flips a series of buttons, switches, and scanners before allowing the retinal scan to pop up. After the emergence of transformation quirks, ones especially like Toga’s, more security had to be invented to prevent those masquerading around as hero’s couldn’t access the country’s most sensitive information. It works about 90% of the time. 

“Reality Ripple, please step up to the scanner. Keep both eyes open and place your hands on the plates below.” A purple quirk negating light fills the two plates that I am to put my hands on, making sure that I’m not going to alter anything. Personally, I find this method much more pleasing than having to be stripped of your uniform, searched manually , then allowed in. 

The plates send a cold shock, even through my gloves while a red laser pierces my retinas. The sting from the cold air of Tartarus and the burn from the laser makes my eyes begin to water along my lashline, but I refuse to blink until I hear the confirming ding that I am who I say I am. 

The doors slide open with a grinding squeal, only reminding me how deep underground I am getting. How nothing and no one is supposed to be able to get out of here. 

Coffin like huh? You couldn’t even deserve something this nice. 

You again? I thought you went and died in a pile of trash? 

Guess again. Just like your weaknesses, you’ll never be rid of me. 

Fuck off. 

The doctor is in the middle of the block, call 332. I can see the interrogation holding room, with a window to see into his cell just beyond. Double layers, double security, double the walls I have to breach. Another deep breath, rolling of shoulders. One last crack at the base of my neck is my send off. The door pushes open easily and I write down my questions and thoughts on the notepad on the table before pressing the comm button. 

“Get him in here,” My voice is a razor over the intercom, no life or sweetness here. No sweetness could exist in Tartarus, why try to keep it in my soul now? The door beeps open and the doctor is deposited into the metal chair, quirk cuffs on his wrists that he settles in his lap. His face remains neutral, as if the change in time has no effect on him. 

The lights flicker once then steadied in the room, my cue to enter. This door screeches a bit as I push it open, enough to ruin any type of calm with most villains. The doctor did not fit that case. His eyes follow me as I head towards the table, pushing the chair out of the way. As interrogations go, height differences can create such a tasteful means of manipulation. 

As I place my hands flat on the table, his eyes flick down and narrow just the slightest, enough to make me pause. His smile is pleasant, and worst of all, lacking any type of fear despite our last interaction. 

“I was hoping they’d send you in again Ripple,” he croons, leaning back in relaxation. “You’re the only one who might be able to relate to my methods within the world.”

I just stare at him, letting the silence settle between us. The invitation for him to talk more is heavy among the silence and he heaves a sigh. “Of course, you’re only here for information,” he leans forward onto the table, “If only you could just cut open my skull and lay my brain bare for you. I’d love to see you getting your hands dirty with villain blood in the pursuit of your righteousness.”

My quirk ignites in my chest, the feeling of my blood rushing through their channels quicker than my thoughts of calm; the table receiving a scorching in my lack of control. The ringing in my ears begins again much to my dismay. 

“Anyone else with you today?” He looks past me towards the mirror as if he could see through it, then returns to gaze at me. Cold air circulates the room, prickling at any care skin.

“Tell me about the drugs.” 

He waits, watching me, every perceivable movement I try not to make. I keep the shaking of my arms to a minimum, but I imagine that he can still notice. 

“Did you choose to come in here or were you commanded to like some lowly bitch?” 

I grit my teeth at the comment but keep my demeanor calm and collected. This did not need someone with feelings or emotion. This needed a judge and a jury. 

I take a breath, letting the silence continue on. The lights buzz overhead and there’s a hum from somewhere in the room that is beginning to thread its way into my brain. 

“Regardless, it’s better having you in here. The loud one always tries to intimidate me, which hardly ever works given who I work for. The green one, your very precious number one, always tries to worm his way into my good graces and persuades me to talk, but you-” his eyes gather a glisten I’ve hardly seen before, “From what I know, and from what I’m told- you’re something else entirely.” 

I remove my hands from the table, scorch and all, and fold them over my chest, unamused. “The drugs.” 

He sighs and leans back into his chair, his attempt to unnerve me unsuccessful. “What about them?” 

“Delivery method, composition, targets. Whatever you want to spill doc.” His eyes shoot up to meet mine at the honeyed tone of my voice. “I’ll take anything you got.” 

It’s easy to see the isolation is slowly eating away at him, so a shred of human pleasantry, possibly even female pleasure , is something he will latch onto like a suckling infant. A smirk settles onto my face as I find the footing I can use for this interrogation. 

Moving around behind his chair, I let a gloved finger drag across his shoulders, earning me an almost imperceivable shudder. “So doc,” I let my voice go an octave lower, “What’s the composition of this drug?” As I come around the other side, his gaze is cast downward at his hands which are fiddling, the first sign that I’m breaking through his guise that he’s unbreakable. 

“It’s a multitude of things. Nothing you can destroy in just one facility,” he adds hastily. The shell he hides behind is cracking. His hands continue to twiddle in his lap, then stop once he realizes that he’s doing it, shaking his head. 

“What else?” I purr, taking a seat on the corner of the metal table, dragging a finger around on the table as if I were drawing in sand. His eyes follow my finger like a puppy.

“H-hemostatic destabilizers, synthetic neurostabilizers, and quirk reactive nanites. It’s my own blend,” his eyes reach mine and he has a smile that is begging to be praised. 

I stand from the table, turning my back to the doc for a moment. I hear him shuffle for a moment before my eyes are back on him. It’s clear that he subconsciously wants to trust me and he’s having to fight his own impulses. I smile sweetly. 

“I’m not saying another word,” he grunts out through gritted teeth. 

“Oh yeah?” I pull the chair back to me and allow it to meld into something more comfortable. The usage pulls at my very bones, but the glee from getting info overrides the pain receptors in my brain. Settling into the chair, I kick my feet up on the table, taking a page out of Katsuki’s book. “How’d you find the right compounds? You must have had to run so many tests and trials.” His eyes practically plead me to stop the praising tone of my voice. 

“So many tests,” his voice is breathy and his breathing is spiking. “We tried different components but the subjects went wild, but that’s what you get when working on animals. Moving to human subjects provided much better data to use for refinement.” The doc’s eyes take on a kind of sadistic glow as he recounts his experiments. “There were so many different versions, so many subjects with… side effects we didn’t see coming. But they all gave me such good data,” His head tilts back in ecstasy while I sit up to put my hands on the table, standing again. Trying to manipulate using the presence and pleasure of another human being is hard to maintain when such a monster is sitting just across the table from me. 

My hands shake against the metal of the table, fury and frustration riding alongside my quirk. “How many subjects?” I ask through my own gritted teeth. 

He grins maniacally at me, “Dozens, hundreds maybe. You wouldn’t recognize them anyways. We found them in the slums, the corners where hero society refuses to look. Where a life of crime is the only way to keep breathing. There’s hardly any files on them since most didn’t live long enough to make any details.” His laugh begins quiet as he finishes, then begins to grow. His ego has rebuilt itself in this cell in remembering his trials and tests. Fuck. 

“How are you distributing these?” My voice has regained its edge, the need to gain as much information as possible before I lose everything. Static crackles in my ear before a voice comes through, “Ash, it’s Kirishima and I. What have you gotten?” 

I ignore Midoriya’s voice as I try to reign the doc back in. Hands slam onto the table which cracks and spikes outward from my hands. “How is the league distributing the drugs?” My voice is straining trying to keep composure while he laughs. 

“It's everywhere. Fucking everywhere! We laced it into filtration masks, fire fighting foam cartridges, prescription auto injectors, knock off hero masks, air filters, you name it! Once it’s breathed in, it’s automatically absorbed into the bloodstream. The nanites detect how the quirk works, then collects data on that person’s specific triggers, stressors, and imbalances. Then it starts ramping up those imbalances with their quirk, slow outbursts that go unnoticed. Then triggers full scale-” 

“What happens to the person infected?” 

“It’s all dependent on the person! Oh it’s so good Reality Ripple,” he groans at his own intelligence, making me want to gag. “No one person is the same, only that the trigger begins from stress. Any stress; work, family issues, villain attacks ,” he smirks at me, knowing that there’s so many variables. “The one thing hero society has attempted to stand for, protecting the weak and the suffering, will now blow up in your faces! The things you’ve given to these people will now create chaos. You heroes have created this demon all on your own, I just created the catalyst to cause your implosion-”

“What happens to the person infected!” I yell at him, the table beginning to melt and drip along the edges. Whatever cleaning solution they used burns in my nose, the buzzing of the lights and the humming in the room continues to fill empty spaces in my brain, causing pressure. 

“Ashina calm down! We need this information-”

“Seizures, hemorrhages, quirk instabilities, hallucinations, overridden decision making and rewiring in the brain. The only common effect is that if they don’t die on the first go, they want more ! This was oh so very helpful when one of our subjects Shuri begged for more of the drug before she drowned in her own blood.” 

“Where is it going? Where has it been sent to?” My chair has become a cubical pool of chaos behind me when I glance back at the window. Despite not being able to see Midoriya and Kirishima, I know they can see the panic and horror on my face. No point trying to mask it now. 

When I look back at the doc, his face appears to be melting from the bone. “How does it feel to be running out of time, hero?” His voice is distorted, as if it were melting with his skin. The lights flicker and buzz louder, swirling around in the room. When I blink, red eyes now face me, skin still melting over them. They hold emotions that are only a fantasy in my dreams. 

“Something wrong Ripple?” Kirishima’s smile is now on the doc’s face, his voice one from a past I refuse to remember. 

“I-It’s getting worse, they’ll pull-” the face warps back into the doctors and I freeze in my admission. His eyes glint with a knowing, one that unseats my soul from my chest, allowing it to plunge into icy waters of fear. Dark depths of fear. 

“Ashina get him to tell us where the drugs are going!” Kirishima’s voice pulls me back into my task. 

“Where are the drugs being sent, shitface,” I spit out, not worrying about niceties anymore. 

He chuckles, “If my date is correct, it’s December 12th. There is a planned shipment going out today so you’re in luck.” 

“ Where ?” I growl. The table groans and cries under my hands while it warps into something I refuse to look at. 

“Headed to one of your little safe housing facilities. The kind with the twitchy kids and terrified workers. I do hope you can get there on time to watch things go up in flames. I can only imagine the chaos when the people you try to protect are betrayed by the things meant to save them.” He begins to cackle as I stumble away from the table, my hand on my chest. “It’ll be beautiful Reality Ripple! They’ll think they can take a deep breath, that they’re safe, thinking it’s protection, then boom!” His face merges into Katsuki as he laughs, the grating sound filling every available space in the room. 

Kids? They’re targeting fucking kids?

The door buzzes open as two guards grab the doc and pull him, still laughing, into his cell. 

“It’ll be beautiful Reality Ripple!” His voice echoes around me, wrapping in a claustrophobic blanket that threatens to suffocate me. I yank at the door to the outer room but no one unlocks the door. Panic claws at my chest and I repeatedly pull on the handle before it finally buzzes open. Kirishima looks at me with horror reflected in his eyes while Midoriya is already on the phone with the police chief. 

“ Every safe housing section. I don’t care if we need to call in everyone. We need to find this drug before it gets passed out!” 

Kirishima finishes scribbling on the sheet of paper before ripping it off the pad and handing it to Midoriya who nods once. He turns towards me and grips me by the shoulders, “Call Bakugo. I know he’s in Fukushima but we need him here as soon as he can be here. Midoriya and I will head out and help with the search. As soon as you’re done, go to the hospital and do your treatment-”

“I’m helping search with everyone else after I call Katsuki!” 

“No you’re not! I’m sorry but from what I saw in there, you need your next treatment or I will tell Midoriya to bench you. The two of you need to figure this out before it kills you,” his voice is intense with emotion, both anger and fear. 

You’ll only every be in the way, only ever a burden, a thing that holds others back. 

I refuse to meet his eyes, my own frustration bubbling up. “You can’t ma-”
“I can’t make you? Fucking watch me Ashina. I’ll lock you in that hospital and tell Bakugo everything.” 

My eyes snap up to his, wanting to see the lie on his face, but all I see is torment and fury. I bite my tongue in order to not have him fulfill his threat. Letting me go, he nods once before following Midorioya out. 

Yanking out my phone, I start a secure line with Katsuki. The dial tone makes my knees buckle and I collapse into the nearby metal chair, the doc’s laughs still echoing in the now empty space.

Fucking children. Unprotected and vulnerable children. 

“Didn’t think you’d be one to call me. Is someone dead or are you being clingy?” His laugh comes over the phone in a mutilated way that doesn’t ease the dead weight in my chest. The static in the background merges into the humming and buzzing in my brain, the pressure building among the tissue, the compounding pressure in my chest threatening to crack rips and tear a hole in my very being. 

“N-no, we got new information-” The doc’s words break through my thin concentration causing me to look back at the room. I can only imagine the chaos when the people you try to protect are betrayed by the things meant to save them. “T-the doc told us about the drugs-”

“Did you get it out of him? I knew you’d be the one to do it, I’m so glad Deku took my recommendation to send you in-” 

Out of the corner of my eye, something moves in the room. Someone is in the room again. But I thought they took him out? There should be no one left in the room except for maybe cleaning people.

Standing with the phone against my ear, I look through the window to see someone slumped in the corner, clearly injured. Panic swells in my chest at the thought of the kids, screaming as the masks meant to protect them end up causing pain and havoc. 

“They’re going to hit-” Blond hair swims into my blurry vision, a headache coming on so fast my free hand clutches my left eye as it is pelted with searing pain. I can’t help the cry that rips from my throat. “They’re gonna hit the-the safe h-” the person looks up and red eyes, specifically one red eye, catches my vision and the warmth leaves my body. 

“Morana, are you good? What is going on over there it sounds like I’m missing all the fun. Safe what? Safe house? Or what-” His voice fades into the background as I lock onto the room. 

Katsuki is propped up in the corner, missing the one eye that hangs halfway down his face, blood pouring out of the gaping hole in his head. It looks like he tries to say something-

“Morana, Morana! Where is the League going to hit?” The voice comes out of Katsuki’s mouth but it’s staticky which doesn’t make any sense. There is so much blood pooling into his lap and onto the floor. 

They’re going to infect the children. 

The buzzing moves into my veins, into my very nerves itself. My body trying to light itself on fire to purge the noise. I need the noise to stop, I need the pain to stop-

“Katsuki, y-you’re hurt, I need to help-”

“What are you talking about? I'm fine. Tell me more about what the doc said. Do I need to come-”

“Katsuki-” My voice falls from my lips like the tears pooling onto my cheeks. “There’s so much blood… I need to help, I need to save you, please you can’t-”

“Ashina! I’m fine! What’s going on?” My first name pulls me back into my body while pain shoots through my skull like a molten steel rod. Another cry rips from my chest as I fall to one knee. My vision pulses with my heartbeat, the edges tainted red. 

“Ashina!” Someone on the phone being held limp in my hand yells to me but I can hardly remember who it was. They continue to yell my name, panic growing in their voice. The phone screen reads Katsuki Bakugo and my task slams back into my brain. 

“I didn’t mean to- it’s supposed to be going to a safe housing location. Kirishima said-” the floor tilts and I feel blood begin to pour out of my nose before the dial tone begins to beep at me again. The blinking phone screen flashes back at me, Katsuki’s name rather than his voice. 

Shakily standing back up, I look at the corner of the room to see if his body still is slumped there but all I can see are the remnants of my curse--quirk. 

Curse. You know it’s a curse so stop pretending that none of this isn’t your fault. 

Looking back down at my phone, I realize that the call has disconnected, possibly due to Tartarus’s communication tampering. 

Suddenly, I hunch over and vomit onto the floor. The smell of puke and blood only make things so much worse as I try to figure out whether or not I told Katsuki anything of relevance. I try the line again, only to receive a busy signal. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I push myself up from the floor and open the secure chat with Katsuki as I head out of the room. The faster I leave the room, the blood and vomit, as well as the noise, the better I can think. 

SECURE LINE

Reality Ripple: The League is targeting safe housing with laced items. Their drug is inhaled, then causes chaos. We think they’re targeting children. Deku and Riot are leading searches of safe houses with police. 

I receive no message in return but I don’t give myself room to care. As I head out of Tartarus as quickly as possible, I find myself in the sunshine and cool ocean breeze once again. The sanctity of the outside feels fake with the horrifying reality of what’s about to go down settles into my thoughts. 

They’re targeting children. 

Fucking children. 

Chapter Text

By the time I arrive at the safe housing location Midoriya sent me it’s clear that annihilation happened. Sirens and lights are flashing through my vision, only worsening my disorientation as the world tilts underneath my boots. Rubble from the apartment building’s walls are strewn about with clothes and personal belongings intermixed. My eyes lock on pieces of clothing, trying to discern if a person resides within those clothes that I need to help. 

I need to help. 

I need help. 

“Buddy I need you to calm down please!” A voice is yelling by one of the emergency response vehicles flashing blue and red. By the time my vision focuses on what’s happening, the young boy, who was clearly having issues with his quirk, manages to push away the EMT before a plume of black smoke and flames erupts from his mouth along with a bone rattling cry. 

My legs move before my brain fires the initial thought to help this child. Gathering air around me, I shield the EMT before the flames lick his uniform, and pull whatever water from the ground that I can into my palm. As the boy continues to cry, the flames making his tears evaporate, I can tell that his quirk is not designed for this intensity. The water collecting in my hand begins to freeze into a type of mouthguard. In an instant, I grab the child’s chin, yank it down and thrust in the ice guard. Through the smoke, I see the boy’s eyes widen in fear then find mine. It takes him a moment to realize I’m a hero before he relaxes. The smoke and flames dissipate into the air with my quirk’s help. The buzzing from earlier grows louder in the back of my skull and the world flickers; blackened bodies and shadows edging into the corners of my vision. I shake my head before honing my focus back onto the child. His orange eyes are pouring tears down his scorched face, saliva and melting water dribbling out of his mouth.

“Hi buddy,” I keep my voice level and calm, despite my eyes locking onto the burns around his mouth that are beginning to bleed. “You’re okay, everything is okay now. Does anything hurt?” 

He nods and a small, shaking hand grasps his chest. The EMT settles next to me with a groan, but is otherwise unharmed.  

“From what I can see, he has internal burns to his lungs.” The EMT’s eyes are glowing a faint blue underneath his helmet and it clicks that his quirk allows him to see internal components. “What kind of quirk does this though?” 

As he turns to grab bandages to clean the kid up, I carefully take the boy’s shoulders. “I want you to go with this man to the hospital and get better. You have some boo boos in your chest that they need to fix-” his eyes begin to pour tears and his face contorts into fear, “No no, it’s gonna be okay, you’re going to be okay.” He collapses onto me, his arms wrapping around my neck as his body shudders with sobs. It takes me a moment to realize I need to hug this child back as he tries to come to terms with what has happened. 

“Reality Ripple!” A woman’s voice calls from my right and I turn my head enough to see a camera crew and a reporter picking their way through the rubble. Handing the child off to the EMT, I level the rubble so they have an easier way getting to me. 

“I’m sorry ma’am but we’re still doing active rescue and recovery, you can’t be back here-”

“I’m reporting on the damage done to the Safe Housing district run by the Hero Commission-” the red light of the camera feed blinks into my vision and I realize this is being broadcast live , “Reality Ripple do you gave any idea what may have caused this?” 

My mouth goes dry and I fight the buzzing in my brain to come up with a professional response. The many hours of reporter training at the hero commission and UA flood back to me, overriding the deterioration of my psyche. 

“We’ve determined that the League is trying to target our most vulnerable areas, including this Safe Housing facility. At this moment we are working search and rescue to save as many people as possible from this tragedy.”

“Did the heroes know about this attack in advance?” The reporter’s eyes glint in the usual malicious way; the way that tries to trip up untrained heroes into spilling information or getting caught in their trap. 

“We learned of this attack after many hours of interrogation but were unable to mobilize in time to intercept. However, with new information, we will be more equipped to prevent other attacks like this.” My body is rigid with the posture of professionalism. The buzzing in my head is borderline deafening and a very small, conscious part of me prays that I don’t look like a fucking corpse. 

“Are you saying there will be more attacks like this? Are the heroes going to be able to keep the population safe?” Her question is attempting to corner me, to create some kind of admission that people won’t be safe. 

I open my mouth to respond when my comm erupts, “Reality Ripple we need you in the southern hallway of the building for debris cleaning. Report ASAP.” 

With a curt nod to no one in particular, I turn towards the reporter who is still expecting my answer. “At this time I need to continue helping with search and rescue. Please direct any further questions to the Hero Commission.” 

The farther I walk away from her, the more the breath in my chest begins to release; a steady breath out to now leaning towards hyperventilating. I direct myself towards the southern side of the building where quite a bit of damage has been sustained to the building. Screams and crying mixes within the air creating a vulgar recipe for paranoia and stress. Among the rubble, I find Kirishima and Shoji helping clear the stair where I can hear multiple cries for help. 

“Is anyone injured?” My eyes scan the chaos quickly, taking in the information most important: debris on the verge of collapsing, live wiring, flames, sharp rebar or metal. 

“We think there’s a child inside who’s unconscious but getting all this debris out of the way is proving difficult. It appears as though someone who can attract metal ended up twisting the rebar in the building to be a mini cage,” Shoji fills me in as he moves a large chunk of concrete. 

“We can get most of the concrete out of the way, but you’d be the best to get the rebar open without possibly hurting anyone inside,” Kirishima finishes as he drops a chunk of his own. 

Peering through the debris I can see the contorted limbs of the rebar, exactly looking like a misguided bird cage. Multiple small hands reach out like fungi from between the spaces, their voices being carried out on faint gusts of wind. My chest thunders at the thought of having to ripple that much metal, however my body moves faster than my mind can come up with a plan. 

“Hey guys,” I keep my voice calm and level so as not to add to their stress. “Is there an adult with you guys?” 

“I’m back here, I think my leg is broken so I can’t get much closer to you.” In the dark,  I can make out a woman seated on a block of concrete, her shirt bloodied and torn. About 3 kids huddle around her and the boy she is holding in her arms, clearly passed out. 

“Is he still breathing?” I gesture towards the boy. The woman nods, tears streaking down the dirt and dust on her face. 

Clicking on my comms, I radio out to others. “I need EMTs on standby at the southern stairwell. I have an unconscious boy with unknown injuries, an adult female with a broken leg-” I look back inside at the other children, most with minor bruises and scrapes, “and nine other young children with various minor injuries.” 

As I place my hands on the metal, I hear confirmations on the comms, but I focus my attention on the kids inside. “Hey guys, I need all of you to back away from all this metal because it’s going to turn into jello and I don’t want you guys getting hurt, okay?” Most of them nod and head back towards the woman who encircles as many as she can in her arms and tucks others behind her in case anything goes wrong. 

The burning and buzzing in my skin erupts into a blaze, almost making me shriek in agony. The metal just under my hands begins to melt at such a slow pace it pains me to see the kids inside waiting. Their eyes wet with tears, hands shaking as they hug themselves in the hopes that they’ll be safe soon. Behind me, I hear voices coming up to help with this specific rescue, all of them waiting on me to get through the rebar and steel of this building. 

Under my hands, a violet light pulsed for a second and the rebar began to disappear in small cubes and shards, flying away into the wind like sparks from a flame. The metal shook as it broke -no- dissolved as if I had asked it to be removed from the world entirely. Shard by shard, shaving by shaving, it was unmade while the kids watched me break through their cage. I could feel the blood pouring from my nose, my ears, filling my mouth with its coppery taste, but I pushed through the darkening red haze. The metal struggled to continue disappearing but did continue to melt rapidly, Dripping boiling metal onto the ground the sizzles and hisses at my feet. A rapid clicking sound goes off behind me, another reminder that the press is watching my every move. 

I glance up at the kids and find quite a few of them staring at me in disbelief, some in shock and even fear. My back cramps from the pressure I am exuding onto the rebar in order to maintain focus on getting through it that I end up crashing to my knees as soon as I’ve made a decently sized hole in the metal. The force of the fall snaps my head, sending whiplash through the base of my skull. My vision is stolen from me as I try to regain some semblance of control over my own body, especially while kids are watching, while the fucking press is watching. After a few blinks, I manage to wobble to my feet and kick away the last bits of rebar and metal, smoothing out the rubble as best I can for a stretcher to get through. 

EMTs rush in and collect kids as fast as they can. As they are pulled into the sunlight, I’m able to fully see their injuries. Holes and slashes so deep into skin I could see bone. Limbs that are twisted out of reality or missing entirely. The woman thankfully only sustained a compound fracture to her leg, but the amount of blood that dampened the bed of the stretcher made my stomach churn. 

My hand shakily reaches up towards my skull to make sure I didn’t get a piece of rebar through it. When my hand finds nothing, I know it’s a burnout migraine. Taking a deep breath, I head back into the stairwell to double check for others who may have gotten stuck anywhere else. 

“Miss Reality Ripple?” 

I turn around towards the hole to see a young boy, maybe six or seven, illuminated by smoke and sun. 

“I thought heroes were supposed to come before bad things happen. But you came afterwards. Did we do something wrong?” 

My knees buckle and I land painfully onto one knee in front of this child. He looks down at me, confusion and pain reflecting back at me in his eyes. “No buddy, you did nothing wrong. We were just…” I trail off, not knowing how to justify the situation. The villians beat us here? We didn’t know it was going to happen? We were too slow? 

“My quirk hurts,” He hugs himself and curls inward a bit. “Can you take it away with your quirk? Or could you make everything back to how it was? I’ve seen you put buildings back together on TV, so can you fix our home?” 

My mouth opens to respond but nothing comes out. Someone calls for the boy to stay away from the hole and debris but he hesitates, looking back at me for a moment. 

“Please save us.”

As he turns his back on me, I stare out into the sunlight, my chest tightening with every breath I take. My legs are shaking as I stumble to my feet and farther into the darkness of the stairway. I can’t get myself to call out for anyone, my mouth dry and tasting of ash and death. Each step of my boots echo in the ruins of the hallway and reverberate into my skull, only worsening the migraine. Blood begins to drip out of my nose again but I don’t wipe it away. I let it run down my lips, falling down onto my suit where it soaks in. There is a slow darkening around the edges of my vision and all I can see in the darkening hallways are the splashes of blood, the scorches of burn marks, scratches on the walls where metal bent and snapped. 

The rubble becomes more difficult to walk through and I end up twisting my ankle, crashing to the ground onto a chunk of plaster that displays multiple bloody handprints. I lock onto how tiny the handprints are, clearly those of children, before I roll onto my back. My breaths push out of my chest in rattles. The lights down the hallway are blinking and flickering like dying stars, their insides shattered or almost fallen out. 

Holding up my hands, I find my gloves are singed, fabric peeling away from my bare skin. They shake in my face, now dripping with dark blood. Please save us. My throat burns as my breaths come in puffs, accelerating their pace and sending my head whirling. I manage to push myself up into a sitting position, my bleeding hands still in my lap, but to my left there is the body of a young child, the same one from earlier. 

“I thought heroes come before bad things happen,” the voice rasps out of his bloodied mouth. Glassy eyes slide over to me, scrutinizing every part of me. 

The number 4 hero. What a joke. 

Who could you ever save? 

I force myself to look away from the body only to find Kirishima hanging from the ceiling, strangled by wires and cables that spark. The shock of the scene causes my hands to fly up to my mouth, the blood now staining my face even more. 

The blood of those who you couldn’t save. 

The voice comes from Kirishima’s mouth as he spins slowly with the wires. On his turn around, his face is now Katsuki’s. The red eyes are starkly angry and filled with hatred, disgust, fear. The walls behind him begin to melt, first the concrete peels away like a second skin, while blood bleeds out from between the cracks. From the empty darkness of the ruined and caved in hallway comes the sound of children’s laughter heading my way. The closer it gets the more it sounds like screaming and crying before it fully envelops me in its blanket of terror. 

“No child should have to die when you’re right here. Why couldn’t you have been there to take their place?” His voice warbles in and out of the hollowed screaming of children, pleading with me to save them. 

It should've been you to die. 

It should have been me. 

“It should have been you,” Katsuki says, body still turning in the wires, blood dripping into the floor. Each splatter echoes in the dark and deserted ruined hallway. 

Looking down at my hands, I find them covered in the blood, dripping onto my costume. They continue to pour the red liquid like a river, endless and flooding me with the amount of life that has ended.

“It’s their blood on your hands,” Katsuki says. 

“B-but I wouldn’t have been able to make it in time,” I plead back with him. The blood pools around my knees, the screaming ringing in my ears. I pull the gloves off my hands but they are still covered in blood, seeping out of the sleeves of my suit. 

You can’t do this. 

You will fail. 

You are a failure. 

“You’ll only fail us all Ashina,” Katsuki tells me. He suddenly drops from the ceiling, body crashing onto the floor. Blood splashes when his body crunches on the concrete, but it’s only a moment before he pulls himself up from the ground, eyes blazing as he hobbles towards me. 

“You won’t be able to succeed. You won’t be able to save anyone. You won’t be able to get me to love you,” The sharp edge of his voice wraps around my throat like a pair of hands, cutting off my air. “You are not enough.” 

The world blacks out. 

~

Blood is the first thing I see when I finally come to. Of course. 

Sitting up with a groan, I rub my face only to find that I’ve probably smeared dirt and ash across my face. Quickly scanning the hallway ruins, I check to make sure the pools of blood, Katsuki and Kirishima’s bodies, as well as the screams of children are gone. 

Light trickles through the hole I made in the rebar and I thank whatever god that is watching that it seems like only a little bit of time has gone by rather than hours, or even days. 

Shielding my eyes from the sun, I head towards Kirishima who is chatting with a police officer. Both of them stand almost ramrod straight with anxiety and stress. Before I can get a word in, Midoriya grabs me by the arm. 

“They need someone to do the press conference. Specifically, they asked for you.” His voice was stern, one that I knew was serious. 

“Why me?” The specificity is strange, almost startling. Are they noticing my weaknesses and are wanting to brandish my failures onto hero society as a whole? 

“Look, I don’t know. I offered to do it but the head reporter, lady, whoever-” he takes a sigh at the unnecessary difficulty of it all, “she wants you for some reason. So just keep it brief and just mention how we’re all working our asses off, yeah?” He throws on a smile of confidence, but him and I both know we’re at our wits end. As much as raiding that warehouse last week was a huge win for us, we’re now coming to the realization that we are still behind the League. 

With a nod, I head over to the news vans where a significant number of people were gathered amongst the reporters. The air is buzzing amongst the people. Press wants a good story to either lift spirits or bash heroes. Civilians want reassurance that they’re safe because we’re still willing to throw ourselves in front of them when harm comes about. My skin buzzes with anxiety and the overwhelming feeling that implosion is coming. 

A lone microphone stands in front of a white news van to act as a makeshift background amongst the rubble and ruin. In the front of the crowd stand reporters tag-teamed with their camera men, just waiting to be the one to record the instability of our society and catch a big break. I spot the reporter from earlier over to my right, her microphone loosely hanging at her side. In an instant, they begin firing questions at me. 

“How many children are still unaccounted for?”

“Why wasn’t the area better secured?”

“What’s the Hero Commission’s response to this breach?”

“Is this what we’re supposed to expect from our top-ranked heroes now?”
The buzzing under my skin intensifies, rattling my ribs that feel like badly glued shards of glass. The mic in front of me hums, yet feels so far away. Each breath tears something inside of me, a shred of hope falling away and dying with each breath, each second, each blink. Looking down, I see the blood on my uniform, my hands that are covered with soot and ash, shaking as if they were to fall apart any minute. 

Squaring my shoulders, I put on my air of professionalism. It had taken me only a year and a half to perfect the art of press, managing the fine line between professionalism and childish chaos. I knew that these reporteres saw a hero with a calm complexion, ready to answer any question they throw at her, and serve them answers on a silver platter with nothing explained to exact measure. “ Leave the ball in their court. Only make a straight answer when you have to.” 

“There are no right words to convey the horror that has touched this facility today. Despite our efforts to determine where the League of Villains will attack, we were unable to make it in time, and that is a failure on our part.” Let them think we’re sorry. Let them believe that we’ll fix it and do better next time. 

“I will not stand up here and make up excuses. Today’s incident was a targeted attack. The League planted a weaponized variant of a quirk-enhancing drug into emergency supplies scheduled for delivery.” 

I watch as eyes widen and mouths drop open. My breath rattles in my chest as I take a deep breath, but continue to keep my voice level despite the swirling in the back of my brain.

“Children were injured. Civilians are still being treated. Heroes, both local and dispatched, did everything they could to minimize the damage once the situation was identified. As of now, two victims are in critical condition. Six more are undergoing quirk suppression treatment. We are working closely with the Hero Commission to trace the remaining distribution chains.”

Voices begin to murmur amongst the crowd. A voice rose, but not a reporter. A civilian. A father.

“My daughter trusted you,” he shouted. “She had your picture on her wall. She thought you’d protect her.”

Something deep shatters in my chest and I take a half step back in order to collect myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Midoriya and Kirishima standing together by a different news van, both looking worried. My shoulders remain tight and pulled together as I step back up to the mic. 

“I empathize with your anger and you have every right to be angry. As heroes, we came to help the injured, to save civilians, and to make sure that people are safe.” My voice carries no inflection of worry or any emotion whatsoever which makes people purse their lips in frustration and anger. Amongst the crowd, I see faces streaked with dirt, tears tracks dried through ash and blood. Multiple people are beginning to look raw with grief, fear, and losing the hope that us heroes instill. 

“I’m not going to stand here and give you hollow promises. But we, as heroes, are not abandoning the people we swore to protect. We are going to continue to help people in need and we will eradicate the League.” 

The voices hush for a moment before another voice calls out, this time, a reporter who has been eating up my every word. I can see the glint in his eye just before he speaks. 

“Are the heroes willing to put their own lives on the line to protect us? Or will you run when things get too hard?” 

His greasy hair reflects the ashen sky just enough to make me want to puke. I sharpen my eyes onto him, unable to keep the hatred at bay. 

“If I have to pour my own blood onto the concrete to show you that I will continue to put myself in harm's way,” I grit out in fury, my hands squeezing themselves into tight fists. In a moment of stupidity, I ripple my gloves to become sharp, causing blood to seep from my fists and drip slowly onto the ground. 

A handful of gasps and the clicking of cameras fill the silence before I take a breath and level my eyes at the reporter again, his face now looking as ashen as the sky. “Then I will let every last drop soak into the rubble.” 

The mic whines as I turn from the crowd, ignoring the blood dripping with every step, ignoring the shouted questions and cries of fear, ignoring the pounding between my temples and the shaking instability that is my soul.