Chapter Text
It was pretty amazing to Atsumu how he could still learn a multitude of new things about Kiyoomi even after spending a lot of time with the raven, most of which were spent with just the two of them alone.
It was amazing how he just recently found out that Kiyoomi was fond of watching horror and thriller movies, especially those with really gore content, but he was not fond of playing games which had a lot of jump scares and creepy graphic contents.
‘I like you, Omi!’ Atsumu would always blurt out whenever the two of them were playing games in Atsumu’s flat or even in the changing room with Bokuto and Hinata.
It was amazing how he just recently found out that the Sakusa Kiyoomi actually had some groove, evidenced by the video saved on Atsumu’s phone (and backed up on Atsumu’s laptop) with Kiyoomi dancing as a result of losing in a team drinking game.
‘I like you, Omi!’ Atsumu blurted out after he saw Kiyoomi dancing which earned a lot of joshes and taunts from their teammates. Kiyoomi kicked Atsumu on his shin as soon as he was within the raven’s reach, but Atsumu thought that it was all worth it.
It was amazing how he just recently found out that Kiyoomi didn’t like eating carrots no matter what the dish was. And as soon as Atsumu noticed the aversion to the vegetable, he made sure to cook curry with a lot of carrots in it just so he could spite Kiyoomi during one of their cooking competitions.
‘I like you, Omi!’ Atsumu would always say whenever the two of them would be eating a curry together and Kiyoomi was making a face because of all the carrots Atsumu had placed in the said dish.
Atsumu made sure to be vocal about his feelings, but he was still careful not to step over the line which Kiyoomi always drew whenever the two of them would be back to being just best friends. He was careful not to step over the line which he slowly realized was starting to get thinner the more time they spent together, easier for Kiyoomi to set aside and let Atsumu inside his own comfort zone — inside the boundary Atsumu was only ever allowed to step into once the feelings started to shift from being best friends to something more akin to partners.
It only took Atsumu a month and a half to make Kiyoomi fall for him for the third time.
It only took Atsumu a month to make Kiyoomi fall for him for the fourth time.
It only took Atsumu three weeks to make Kiyoomi fall for him for the fifth time.
By this time, Atsumu already realized just how important to Kiyoomi was his own space, his own home. Kiyoomi’s flat was one of the few places where Kiyoomi could truly let his guard down, could truly let himself be seen bare, could truly let himself throw out any and all the existing façades. It was one of the few places where Kiyoomi felt secured, sheltered, safe.
After all, every time Kiyoomi would finally recognize the feelings he was bearing for one Miya Atsumu, the raven would always invite the blonde to his own flat, ready to share a secret Atsumu already knew, yet Atsumu had never gotten tired of hearing about.
Atsumu was honestly happy and content with what the two of them had. He was happy about the fact that Kiyoomi never called him ‘Miya’ again, except for the few times when Atsumu would piss the raven off and Kiyoomi would call him with his surname out of spite. He was happy about the fact that this time around, he didn’t lose everything. This time around, a larger part of their relationship continued to be intact and existing between their memories.
This time around, Kiyoomi remained to be his best friend despite the feelings that always vanished in just the span of a night.
Everything was going so well between them both and Atsumu could almost swear he could live the rest of his life just doing this — just spending his days trying to express his feelings for Kiyoomi and trying to make the raven fall in love with him all over again.
Everything was going so well between them both, but every now and then Atsumu would notice the raven just staring at the setter like he wanted to ask something. Sometimes Atsumu would catch Kiyoomi reading their conversation over the phone, browsing the text messages exchanged even at the ungodly hours of the day. Atsumu would always ask Kiyoomi what the matter was, but the raven would just immediately hide his phone like he was caught red-handed in doing something he shouldn’t be doing.
Sometimes, Atsumu thought that maybe Kiyoomi was finally catching up. Maybe Kiyoomi was finally noticing the little traces of evidence which would prove that they had something more than just being best friends.
“Don’tcha think it’s time ‘ya tell him everythin’, ‘Tsumu?”
Atsumu would be lying if he said he didn’t have the urge to confess his secret to Kiyoomi every time the raven was acting a little chary. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want Kiyoomi to know and to remember. Was Atsumu’s pride getting in the way? Was it because he wanted to prove at least to himself that he could make Kiyoomi fall in love with him over and over again? Was it because he felt like telling Kiyoomi the truth would be like having a cheat code? Was he scared that Kiyoomi would not believe him? Was he scared that Kiyoomi would see him as someone crazy for making up such a far-fetched story?
No. It wasn’t something as petty as that.
Atsumu knew exactly what the reason was, but he tried to bury it so deep and pretend that it never really existed on the first place.
“Wait. I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Don’t you dare to move any of those blocks, you cheater.” Kiyoomi’s voice brought Atsumu back to the current. The two of them was in Atsumu’s living room, spending the night with board games, cola, and Atsumu’s favorites snacks at their disposal.
“Oh! The lights in the guest bathroom isn’t fixed yet. Just go use the one in my bedroom. Also, don’t be such a sore loser, Omi. I did not cheat,” Atsumu said with a grin before grabbing his phone to entertain himself with twitter posts while waiting for the raven to come back. Atsumu chuckled at the video of Kageyama and Hinata learning how to ride a skateboard and how much the two of them had been utterly failing. Atsumu smiled a little at the sappy post Suna had for Osamu and he made sure to leave another annoying comment just for the sake of it.
Atsumu kept on browsing his phone until he noticed how long Kiyoomi was taking in the bathroom. Was it number two? Surely not. Kiyoomi would rather go back to his own flat than to do that in a bathroom he didn’t own. The blonde finally stood up from his seat and headed towards his bedroom.
“Omi? Is everything alr—”
The setter halted as soon as he saw his bathroom door open with Kiyoomi just staring at all the things sitting on top of his counter.
“I always wondered why you have an extra pair of slippers that was exactly my size,” Kiyoomi started, his gaze not leaving all of the things on top of Atsumu’s counter — things which were left by the raven in his bathroom as a result of all of their previous Friday night arrangements.
The blonde tried not to flinch at the question. He gulped the lump starting to form on his throat before he answered with a chuckle, “I told ‘ya it’s for guests, Omi.”
“Why do you have all of my skin care products?” Kiyoomi asked, calmly, softly, but something about that question still made Atsumu feel so cold.
“’Ya said… they were good so I had to buy my own.”
“And my body wash?”
“It smelled so good I had to have it.”
“And my toothbrush?”
“Are ‘ya sure it doesn’t just look like yours?”
Kiyoomi looked back at him, his stare sending shivers down Atsumu’s spine. The raven took a deep breath before he finally pointed at one of the open cabinets, taking the liberty to grab the black bathrobe and point at the name engraved on it — Sakusa Kiyoomi.
“Clearly, I’ve stayed in your flat before.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Kiyoomi wasn’t giving him the chance to answer with yet another little white lie. He wasn’t giving him the chance to find his way out of this without telling the truth. He wasn’t giving him the chance to think about any shitty reasons to explain what really happened.
The raven finally turned the lights off in the bathroom and took his steps towards Atsumu.
“You have my things in your room — things which I thought I somehow managed to lose without any idea where I lost it. You clearly know things about me which I don’t remember ever telling you before. We always have appointments and hang outs I don’t remember agreeing to, but somehow you’d always be able to show me our text conversation as proof that I did agree to it at some point.”
Kiyoomi’s gaze never faltered. His voice was so even that Atsumu almost wanted to believe that the raven was still calm, but the way the white of Kiyoomi’s knuckles were so adamant while he was holding onto the bathrobe told Atsumu otherwise. Atsumu couldn’t find the words to say, couldn’t find the chance to start explaining himself, couldn’t even find where exactly should he begin, until Kiyoomi broke the silence for the two of them once again.
“Did you really think that I wouldn’t notice?”
Atsumu closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He should’ve known. Of course, Kiyoomi would notice the little things. Kiyoomi would notice the little gaps in the memories that he had. Kiyoomi would notice the little shifts in their routine. Kiyoomi would notice the changes in Atsumu’s behavior towards him no matter how small those changes were.
After all, Kiyoomi knew Atsumu the same way Atsumu knew Kiyoomi. Despite the feelings always coming to an end, despite the memories which kept on vanishing, despite the secrets that Kiyoomi kept on forgetting — it didn’t change the fact that Miya Atsumu was Sakusa Kiyoomi’s best friend.
When Atsumu opened his eyes, Kiyoomi was still looking at him, patiently waiting for him to finally release the burden he was handling the entire time all on his own.
“’Ya might not believe it, Omi,” Atsumu said despite knowing that at this point, Kiyoomi would probably believe the most outrageous thing Atsumu could ever say. Yet, Atsumu still said it as a way to buy some time, to buy just a few seconds for him to think about how would he explain this situation to Kiyoomi without the risk of losing him for good.
Because who in their right mind would willingly subject themselves into the agony of losing their memories over and over and over again?
“Trust me. I don’t think your story would top the wild conclusions that I’ve been thinking about, Atsumu.” The blonde chuckled a little at that, finally regaining some composure. He took a seat at the edge of his bed, but Kiyoomi didn’t follow. The raven was still standing, still holding the bath robe on his hands, still staring at Atsumu, still waiting for the inevitable confession. Atsumu closed his eyes for a moment once again before he heaved a sigh of defeat.
“You always lose our memories along with your feelings for me every time you fall in love with me,” Atsumu said as he opened his eyes once again. With the way Kiyoomi didn’t even flinch nor show any surprise with Atsumu’s statement, the blonde had surmised that Kiyoomi had guessed at least this much.
So, Atsumu continued to confess the secret he had been keeping for years. Atsumu told him everything — starting from Hinata Shouyou, to all the momentary relationships he entered into due to his fears, to the moment when he first realized that he was in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi.
He confessed the reason why he asked Kiyoomi to have a friends with benefits arrangement with him before. He confessed the time when he had almost given up everything about them, about their friendship, about the possible relationship that they could have. He confessed about Bokuto’s pep-talk and the efforts which came when he made the decision to make Kiyoomi fall in love with him over and over again.
And Atsumu confessed about all the mornings when Kiyoomi suddenly stopped treating him as someone special and went back to treating him as nothing more than just a friend. Atsumu confessed everything and Kiyoomi listened to him intently, his gaze too focused on Atsumu and Atsumu alone, not letting any of the words the blonde was saying to be missed or to be misheard.
The two of them suddenly fell into silence when Atsumu had finished talking. Atsumu was biting his inner lip as he stared back at Kiyoomi, trying not to let the panic overthrow his rationality. The raven kept his gaze directed at him, but Atsumu knew Kiyoomi’s mind was somewhere else. Kiyoomi was thinking, contemplating, trying to form the possible questions and conclusions that he could have after the litany of confession that Atsumu just did. When Kiyoomi closed his eyes for a moment, he took a deep breath before finally asking the blonde a question.
“How many times?”
Atsumu furrowed his brows at the question and Kiyoomi seemed to have noticed the confusion.
“How many times have I forgotten?”
The blonde took a deep breath, looking down on his hand and folding his fingers one by one as he recalled all the mornings when everything went back to how things were before.
“Five.”
Atsumu didn’t miss it when Kiyoomi flinched at the answer, seemingly surprised at the number he just gave. The raven exhaled shakily, his composure starting to lose its edges the more things Atsumu started to admit.
“And tomorrow morning… tomorrow morning I’ll wake up without a clue about any of these fucking feelings once again.”
Atsumu stiffened at the statement. He wasn’t asking Atsumu for any clarifications. He wasn’t waiting for Atsumu to provide an answer. Kiyoomi said the words like he was trying to remind himself, trying to make sense of everything, trying to accept the fate he was subjected into all because of Atsumu.
The blonde stared at Kiyoomi, tried to wait for the raven to take back those words, tried to wait for the raven to drop the punch line of the joke he was probably saying. Yet, Kiyoomi just looked at him with that gaze — that gaze which he always had the privilege to see amidst the blue walls and ocean paintings and a glass of Bourbon and Scotch on top of the bar counter.
It only took Atsumu five days to make Kiyoomi fall for him for the sixth time.
“We still have a game tomorrow. Let’s take a rest for tonight,” Kiyoomi said and Atsumu was brought out of his stupor. The raven finally broke the gaze directed at the setter before he went out of Atsumu’s room and out of his flat. Atsumu could only follow Kiyoomi with his gaze until the sound of the door closing echoed throughout the entire place.
Atsumu plumped himself on the bed, clenching his fists so hard against the duvet. Then amidst the confusion, amidst the guilt of being the cause of Kiyoomi losing his memories, and amidst the hint of bliss knowing that his feelings were once again requited, Atsumu laughed. Atsumu laughed his heart out and let all his thoughts encompassing a certain raven spiker drown in the sound of his own voice. Atsumu laughed until his throat almost hurt from all the forced joy bubbling out, until he could no longer hide the pain starting to creep out, until he found himself almost suffocating.
“But there’s no tomorrow when it comes to us, Omi.”
It was the first time in a while that Atsumu felt the regret in making Sakusa Kiyoomi fall in love with him.
—
Atsumu went to the game next morning with bags under his eyes. The concealer he used before going out barely had any effect to hide the results of him thinking whether he should give Kiyoomi a call or not. Atsumu received a lot of teasing remarks from his teammates about him being so excited about the game that he couldn’t even sleep — like a kid the night before a field trip.
Atsumu just laughed with them and silently wished that the reason was something as funny as that. Being excited over a game like a kid was still so much better than drowning in his negative thoughts at three in the morning.
Despite the fatigue that Atsumu was feeling due to the lack of sleep, despite wondering what his position was in Kiyoomi’s life right now, and despite Kiyoomi still not talking to him after the events of last night — the two of them was still able to pull off one of their highest performances in the game. The two of them still had the same synergy that they always had. The two of them still understood one another with just one glance, working so perfectly together like two dancers listening to the same melody privy only to them two.
The team had lunch together after the game and Meian announced that practice would resume the day after tomorrow, earning a lot of cheers from the team for their day off. Atsumu just managed to heave a sigh of relief knowing that he at least had some time to sleep and some time to fix things with Kiyoomi before they resumed playing.
But the thing was, Atsumu had no idea where to start considering that Kiyoomi had probably forgotten about everything already — if Kiyoomi’s implied confession last night was anything to go by.
Atsumu thought he’d be able to talk to him after the game, but the blonde hadn’t even seen Kiyoomi after they all took a shower. Kiyoomi didn’t join the team lunch as well and when he asked Meian about it, the captain just told him that Kiyoomi had an important errand to run. The setter took a deep breath as he rubbed his temples, the headache starting to catch up to him after playing with little to no sleep.
Right. Sleep.
Atsumu would deal with his problems head-on. But for now, he figured a few hours of sleep wouldn’t really hurt.
—
Atsumu couldn’t even remember how he managed to walk back to his flat nor how he managed to change into his pajamas before he plumped himself into his bed to sleep.
The blonde didn’t set any alarm and the sun was already setting so the light couldn’t have possibly woken him up. Atsumu coiled against himself under the sheets once again in hopes of falling back to sleep, but the continuous ringing of his notification bell didn’t give him the chance. Atsumu groaned in frustration before he finally grabbed his phone from the side table, blinking his eyes repeatedly as he tried to make out the time shown on his phone.
6:36 pm
It was already half an hour past six, which meant that he had been asleep for almost five hours already. But that was the least of Atsumu’s concerns. Atsumu was more concerned about the overwhelming amount of text messages, missed calls, Twitter and Instagram DMs, and even e-mails from several reporters.
Atsumu had never felt more awake than he was feeling at the moment.
The blonde ignored all the notifications and immediately called his emergency contact. Atsumu bit his fingers as he waited for Osamu to answer, cursing internally as Osamu took his time to pick up the phone. When the sixth ring finally got cut, Atsumu almost shouted his twin’s name in relief.
“’Samu!!”
“You have one minute ‘coz I’m on a fuckin’ date,” Osamu said with more bite than usual, but the blonde was too nervous about what he could have possibly done to warrant the attention of any reporters and for now, he couldn’t care less if there was an apparent animosity to his twin’s voice when he answered the call.
“What did I do this time?!”
For a few seconds there was only the sound of random people talking in the background. Osamu probably was out with Suna and Atsumu made a mental note to send them a gift later on — that is if he lived to see another day without Osamu killing him in his sleep.
“How am I supposed to know that??”
“C’mon, Samu! Y’know all my dumbassery! Why do I have a lot of emails from reporters?? Meian-san is gonna fuckin’ kill me if I did something dumb again!!”
“You. Wait. Aren’tcha with Sakusa-san?”
This time, it was Atsumu who took his time answering, clearly confused with his brother’s question.
“Why would I be with Omi?”
“Well, if you’d please just check Sakusa-san’s Instagram post, then you’d surely have all your answers. Now don’t fuckin’ call me again tonight ‘coz I’ll be busy.” Osamu immediately hang up the phone after that and Atsumu didn’t need to ask anyone else to know what his twin meant with being busy.
Atsumu groaned at the unnecessary piece of information Osamu told him about his dating life. The blonde finally opened his Instagram account and checked Kiyoomi’s recent post. Atsumu furrowed his brows as soon as he saw the photo, blinking repeatedly as if doing so would change what was posted in Kiyoomi’s account. He placed the phone near his face just so he could be sure that he wasn’t just seeing things or having hallucinations due to the panic brought about by his flooded inbox.
Sakusa Kiyoomi just posted a photo of Miya Atsumu.
It was a candid photo showcasing Atsumu’s side profile, staring at the glass of Bourbon on his hand with a small smile on his face. He had no idea when did Kiyoomi take the photo, but he was pretty sure it was during one of the few times that Atsumu had gone up to Kiyoomi’s flat and the two of them spent the night just drinking and talking to each other, listening to secrets they would never tell anyone else.
As if the photo wasn’t surprising enough, Atsumu had to double read the caption of the photo to make himself believe that this was nothing short of real.
‘If I was really meant to forget about you, then I’d just make the world remember everything for me. From this day forward, I’ll make the world remember that I fell in love with your idiotic ass, Miya Atsumu.’
It took him one, two, maybe three more minutes before he finally managed to process the meaning of the photo and each of the words written under the post. Atsumu just stared at the photo until he could no longer focus on it, but on the heartbeat loud enough to fill the silence of his room.
Atsumu felt like he was floating, lost in the bliss brought about by the explicit confession made with thousands and thousands of people as witnesses. Atsumu felt the rush running on his veins; the excitement to see the love of his life, run towards him, wrap him in a big hug and kiss him senseless until tomorrow comes. Atsumu was lost in the ecstasy brought about by a single Instagram post by the most private person he had ever known in his life, until a single message from that same man finally brought him back to his senses.
‘Come up?’
Atsumu had never gotten out of his bed faster in his life. He didn’t even bother to change into a more presentable set of clothes. He couldn’t care less if Kiyoomi would see him in his SpongeBob pajamas at this time of the night. Right now, right at this moment, Atsumu wanted to see Kiyoomi and clear every little thing to him.
Kiyoomi’s door immediately opened as soon as Atsumu arrived — like Kiyoomi expected this exact timing, like Kiyoomi was just right behind that door waiting all this time for Atsumu to come to him.
“How come you still remember?” Atsumu immediately asked as soon as raven eyes met his own hazel ones. Kiyoomi chuckled a little, clearly amused at Atsumu’s state at the moment — panting from running up the stairs (because the elevator was taking too long goddammit), his SpongeBob pajamas a little too disheveled, his hair still not combed, and the flush on his cheeks still apparent because of the Instagram post flashing through his mind over and over again.
“Come in,” Kiyoomi said as an answer before he welcomed Atsumu in. The blonde blindly followed, still trying to compose himself and come down from his high just a few minutes ago. The raven immediately headed towards his mini bar and Atsumu saw the glass of Bourbon already prepared for him. Kiyoomi sat on one of the stools and motioned the blonde to sit beside him.
Atsumu followed suit and drank the glass of Bourbon as soon as he sat on the stool, as if doing so would set his thoughts straight and calm him down. It did help, even for just a moment. The setter didn’t know if it was because of the Bourbon, or because of the comfort and peace which this moment never ceased to provide — this moment amidst the deep blue walls and ocean paintings and a glass of Bourbon and Scotch on top of the bar counter.
Atsumu shifted his gaze towards Kiyoomi, watching the raven sip on his own glass of Scotch. He stared at Kiyoomi until he slowly noticed the bags under the raven’s eyes and only then did he realize the answer to his own question.
“’Ya didn’t sleep,” Atsumu stated which grabbed Kiyoomi’s attention. The raven just glanced at him before settling his glass down, nodding as an answer. Atsumu felt his stomach lurch once again from the guilt. He grabbed the bottle of Bourbon and poured himself another glass, taking a sip from it as he let the silence envelope them both.
“Why didn’t you tell me any earlier?” Kiyoomi broke the silence after some time. Atsumu took a deep breath before drinking from his glass once again, letting his thoughts run almost a mile a minute before he could even utter any answer. When he finished drinking the contents of his glass, he poured himself another glass, drank from it, poured another glass, drank from it, poured another glass, drank from it. Atsumu was still too sober to answer this question, his courage still wavering due to the lack of alcohol coursing through his veins. Atsumu was about to pour himself another glass, but a hand reached out for his to stop him. Slowly, one by one, Kiyoomi laced his fingers with Atsumu’s until their palms clasped together. The raven gave his hand a squeeze, some form of reassurance that he was still there, just waiting for Atsumu to let everything out whenever he was ready.
Atsumu exhaled shakily, chuckling a little at the gesture. It was unfair. It was so unfair how he could stay so sober after several glasses of Bourbon, yet with just one touch, with just one small gesture, Atsumu found himself starting to feel drunk: drunk in the feeling of warmth, drunk in the buzz running from his hands down to every nerve of his body, drunk in Sakusa Kiyoomi.
Just like that, Atsumu let himself be bare, naked, and weak in front of Sakusa Kiyoomi once again.
“Because I was afraid. I still am. I always have been.”
Atsumu didn’t want to entertain the hopes and wishes he had long since abandoned and buried deep into the ocean. Atsumu had long since abandoned the idea of Kiyoomi waking up one day with all of his memories and feelings still intact. Sure, Atsumu was afraid of getting his hopes up once he told Kiyoomi the truth, but that was the least of his concerns.
After all, nothing else compared to the fear that Atsumu might lose Kiyoomi for good once everything was out in the open.
“I was afraid that you’d only see me as a burden. I was afraid you’d wanna walk away once ‘ya knew that fallin’ in love with me came with some fuckin’ curse that makes ‘ya forget about me. I was afraid that ‘yer gonna see this as nothing but a hassle. And I’d rather do things over and over again, make you fall in love with me over and over again, than risk you having to walk away from my life with no hopes of ever returning.”
Atsumu squeezed the hand holding his, letting himself bask in what little comfort this warmth could provide amidst the panic running amok on his mind. It had been a while since he last let himself be so bare in front of Kiyoomi. It had been a while since he last let Kiyoomi see this weak, pathetic, and so fucking uncool side of him.
Despite deciding to push through his plan of making Kiyoomi fall in love with him, despite telling himself over and over and over again that this was fine, and despite making himself believe that everything would be alright — at the back of his mind, Atsumu still felt scared. All this time, he had been nothing but scared. He was scared of Kiyoomi not falling in love him, but he was more scared of Kiyoomi learning about this curse and staying away from Atsumu for good.
Because who would want to put up with that kind of life? Who would so willingly let their memories be erased just because of the feelings they harbored for one Miya Atsumu?
Atsumu’s mind was starting to get clouded by the pile of negative thoughts which the glasses of Bourbon didn’t even help him to bury — and Kiyoomi chose that exact moment to finally let Atsumu’s hand go. The blonde flinched at the loss of contact, turning his gaze towards Kiyoomi to apologize, to explain his cowardice, to do anything and everything for Kiyoomi to simply stay. Yet, the moment his gaze met the man in front of him, Kiyoomi suddenly reached out and flicked his forehead so hard it almost felt like it would bruise at any moment.
“Omi!!” Atsumu whined like a kid, holding his forehead with his palm like doing so would erase all the pain away.
“You’re such a fucking idiot. Why do you always tend to overthink with that one remaining brain cell of yours?” Kiyoomi said before finishing his glass of Scotch. Atsumu expected a lot of things from Kiyoomi when the raven finally heard his side of the story, but Atsumu did not expect this. The spiker wasn’t mad at him. He wasn’t running away from him or ending things with him either.
Kiyoomi was frustrated, as if something about Atsumu keeping this as a secret and solving things all on his own irked the raven. Kiyoomi finally grabbed Atsumu’s hand once again before he pulled the blonde towards his own room.
When Kiyoomi turned the lights on, Atsumu was surprised with the new frames hanging on the wall — frames containing Atsumu and Kiyoomi’s photos from several games. Most of the photos consist of Atsumu setting a toss for Kiyoomi which the raven had perfectly spiked. On one side of the wall, there were several frames hanging and one of them was already filled up with a photo. It was an enlarged version of the candid photo which Kiyoomi posted on his Instagram.
“I plan to fill those frames, but unfortunately, I don’t have enough photos of you,” Kiyoomi said before he let Atsumu’s hand go, only so he could head towards his side table. The raven opened the top drawer and brought out a Polaroid camera which Atsumu didn’t know the raven even owned.
Before Atsumu could even ask him another question, Kiyoomi suddenly took a photo of him and the blonde was just left in surprise. It took Atsumu a while before he could finally react, grabbing the printed polaroid from the camera and shaking it incessantly until it slowly showed what it had captured.
“’Yer such a fucking ass. At least take a decent photo of me!!” Atsumu whined as he stared at the photo of him — looking so disheveled while wearing his PJs with a surprise look on his face. Kiyoomi just chuckled and grabbed the photo back, heading towards the other side of the wall where there were strings and several clippers hanging. Kiyoomi took one clipper and hang the photo on the string, the first photo to occupy what seemed to be the place where all the other future polaroid photos would be staying.
Atsumu walked towards the bed, sitting at the edge of it before he started to avert his gaze from the raven and focus on the changes in Kiyoomi’s room — the frames hanging, the enlarged photo of Atsumu, the articles cut out from different sports magazines, and even the posters of Atsumu’s favorite movies which Kiyoomi clearly said before that he hated. Atsumu was left astounded as he stared at all the obvious efforts made by this man to remember him, remember the moments shared, remember the secrets known only to them both.
“Last night, I was so afraid to sleep,” Kiyoomi confessed as he placed the polaroid camera back on his drawer. “I was so afraid to lose all these feelings. I was so afraid to forget the moments I know only I get to see. I was so afraid to forget the secrets only I get to hear. I was so afraid to lose the happiness brought about by falling in love with an idiot like you.”
“I was so afraid of a lot of things, until I remembered that you’re probably just as scared as I am. Until I realized that you’ve probably been scared about all of these things all this time, and yet you still pursued me, pushed your way towards me, did everything you could possibly think of just so you could stay with me.”
Kiyoomi finally walked towards Atsumu, crouching down so he could fully look at Atsumu who was still sitting at the edge of the raven’s bed. Kiyoomi reached out for the blonde’s hand, giving it a small squeeze before he met Atsumu’s eyes.
“I’m sorry for leaving you to face all these things alone, Atsumu,” Kiyoomi whispered softly, gently, opposite to the hands holding Atsumu’s so tightly — like Kiyoomi was afraid that Atsumu would suddenly run away from him.
“I’m sorry for not noticing it any sooner. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do anything for you during all those times when you were feeling scared. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the reassurance that you needed whenever your mind would go in circles.”
Atsumu was already feeling a lot of things and he couldn’t even begin to wrap his mind around it. The blonde was too overwhelmed with the way things were going between the two of them, too overwhelmed with the fact that Kiyoomi was acting opposite of what Atsumu had expected. Because despite all the weaknesses that Atsumu had shown, despite all the little white lies now finally revealed, and despite the curse which would forever be a burden to Kiyoomi, the raven was looking at him the same way he did during all those Friday nights spent with Bourbon and Scotch by their side.
Kiyoomi was looking at him like he was everything that the raven wanted in the future.
“I might forget about the memories, or the secrets, or the feelings that I have right now, but there’s one thing that I’m sure about — falling in love with you comes as easy as spiking a ball to me. Falling in love with you is not and will never be a burden that I have to shoulder. Falling in love with you is a luxury I get to have and I’d be an idiot if I let a treasure like this fall into another’s hands.”
Kiyoomi took a deep breath and smiled a little at Atsumu, rubbing the back of Atsumu’s palm with his thumb as if to keep him grounded, to keep him comforted, to keep him from falling into the chaos of negative thoughts which always came whenever he would remember the curse running on his veins.
“But if you still feel like this curse is just a burden, then won’t you share the burden with me, Atsumu?”
He’d had enough of crying because of this topic. He’d had enough tears shed because of all the fears and guilt and bliss that always came with this. Yet, just with that single question, Atsumu found himself breaking and letting the tears start to fall from his eyes once again. There was a mild panic in Kiyoomi’s eyes as soon as he saw Atsumu starting to cry, so the raven finally stood up from where he was and sat beside Atsumu instead, slowly reaching out to wrap him in a warm embrace. Kiyoomi placed a peck on the top of Atsumu’s head before he started rubbing the setter’s back in an attempt to calm him down.
“You’ll forget about these things tomorrow,” Atsumu said amidst the sobs and hiccups, hiding the tears from Kiyoomi by burying his face against the crook of Kiyoomi’s neck.
“Then we’ll make new memories, more memories, until this room is filled with nothing but memories of us,” Kiyoomi answered with certainty.
“Is that a proposal?”
“If that’s how it sounds like.”
“I’m not even your boyfriend yet.”
“Who said we needed to follow society’s preconceived beliefs about dating?”
“You don’t even have a ring.”
“Who said I didn’t?”
And with those words, Atsumu pulled back from Kiyoomi, his eyes filled with tears was then replaced with nothing short of a surprise. The setter blinked repeatedly, patted Kiyoomi’s cheeks twice just so he could be sure that all of this was not some form of a dream. The gesture earned a snort from Kiyoomi and the blonde couldn’t help but kick Kiyoomi’s feet.
“’Yer such a fuckin’ ass. I really thought ‘yer g—"
Atsumu halted when Kiyoomi started to reach for his pocket, fishing a small box out of it. The blonde gulped the lump on his throat as Kiyoomi pulled out a necklace with a ring as its pendant. The raven leaned closer to Atsumu just so he could place it around Atsumu’s neck. As soon as Kiyoomi was done, the raven pulled out the necklace hidden behind the shirt he was wearing, smiling a little at Atsumu as the blonde kept on staring at the ring casually hanging against Kiyoomi’s neck.
“I figured you wouldn’t want anything hindering your tosses or your serves.”
Atsumu pressed his lips into a thin line, the tears starting to well on his eyes once again as he stared at the tangible proof of Kiyoomi’s promise to always stay by Atsumu’s side, to always fill this room with memories of them two, and to always carry the burden with Atsumu.
The blonde threw himself towards Kiyoomi and hugged the raven tight, so tight, not even a hint of ever letting go. The raven immediately returned the hug with the same fervor before he ruffled Atsumu’s already messy hair.
“Stop crying. I hope you know that you’re so ugly when you cry.”
“Shut the fuck up, Omi. Let me have my moment.”
The two of them chuckled at the small banter and let themselves bask in the warmth of each other. For moments there was only silence, followed by the occasional humming Kiyoomi was unconsciously doing. From his position, Atsumu could almost hear Kiyoomi’s heartbeat and he smiled a little as he realized just how fast was its beating. Atsumu closed his eyes and let himself drown in the sound of two heartbeats starting to form a certain rhythm, starting to form a melody which Atsumu knew he would never ever get tired of hearing.
The bed was so soft and Atsumu was so tempted to just push Kiyoomi down so he could fall asleep in his arms. But before the fatigue and the approaching slumber could fully take Atsumu, the blonde pulled himself back a little just so he could utter the promise he had every intention of keeping.
“I’m gonna make you fall in love with me tomorrow, Kiyoomi.”
The raven just chuckled, nuzzling his nose against Atsumu’s before placing a chaste peck on Atsumu’s lips.
“I know.”
———————————————
Atsumu was busy preparing their breakfast while whistling to the song Kiyoomi made him listen to last night. Waking up early in the morning and preparing their breakfast whenever they had no games or practice for the day had long since been a part of Atsumu’s routine.
It had already been a year since Atsumu started living with Kiyoomi. During that time, he found out that waking up later than Kiyoomi only brought chaos and a lot more of explaining to do than the usual days. So, Atsumu always made sure to wake up earlier than the raven so he could give Kiyoomi some time to compose himself and process every single picture properly framed, every single memory caught on the polaroid photos hanging on the wall, and every single thing written on the notes in Kiyoomi’s phone.
The raven never let Atsumu see what was written in those notes saved on his phone, but Atsumu could already surmise that it had something to do with all the memories which kept on vanishing.
As soon as Atsumu was done, the blonde headed towards their room, pushing the ajar door fully open. Kiyoomi was already awake on the bed, staring at the photos on the wall like he was staring at an art and trying to decipher the meaning behind. Kiyoomi took another glance on his phone, reading whatever was written on those notes before he turned his attention to the wall once again, shifting his gaze from one photo to another.
Atsumu smiled at the sight — the sight which he had the privilege to watch for the past year but the sight which he knew he would never get tired of watching. Kiyoomi was still staring at the wall, trying to process the details of their relationship while dusting the stupor out of his body. The raven finally stepped off of the bed just so he could take a closer look at the polaroid photos clipped on several strings hanging on the wall.
Atsumu couldn’t help but smile as he watched how Kiyoomi’s expression change with every photo that he was looking at. It was nothing too obvious, nothing too apparent, but Atsumu could still see how Kiyoomi’s brows would slightly furrow at some photos — the questions why and when exactly were the photos taken clear on his face. Atsumu watched Kiyoomi as a small smile formed on his face, until that smile was replaced by disgust and Atsumu could already guess what photo was Kiyoomi looking at. The disgust was then replaced by a snort and Kiyoomi shook his head a little like he was somehow repulsed by the photo he just saw.
Atsumu had seen this sight transpire over the course of the year, but every single morning, without a doubt, Atsumu would still find himself smiling.
“Good morning, Omi.”
Kiyoomi flinched at the voice before he finally shifted his gaze towards the blonde. There was still a smile flaunted on Atsumu’s face, because he learned that teasing Kiyoomi early in the morning when things were still a little confusing for the raven was not a good way to start their day.
Atsumu was already prepared for the barrage of questions to come, for the explanation that Kiyoomi would demand, for the answers to the why’s and how’s, for the initial rejection and the possible silent treatment from one Sakusa Kiyoomi. The blonde was used to it and he knew how to get his way around it. He knew how to get closer to Kiyoomi once again without making the raven feel uncomfortable or pressured.
But what Atsumu wasn’t prepared for was Sakusa Kiyoomi just staring at him for one, two, maybe three more seconds until the raven found it in him to walk towards the blonde and wrap him in a big old hug.
Atsumu felt his jaw almost drop at the sudden warmth, but he found himself still returning the hug as if on auto-pilot.
“Do you remember?” Atsumu asked despite knowing what the answer would be.
“No.”
Atsumu furrowed his brows, still a little confused with how smooth things were going early this morning. The blonde chuckled a little and reached for Kiyoomi’s head, running his fingers against those soft curly locks before he ruffled it.
“Then why? I haven’t done anything yet and I’m kinda used to you rejecting me early in the morning,” Atsumu said with a chuckle and Kiyoomi took it as his cue to pull back from the hug. The raven looked at Atsumu and traced Atsumu’s lips with his thumb. Slowly, a small smile started to form on Kiyoomi’s lips before he finally gave his answer.
“I just fell in love with you once again.”
With just those words, Atsumu knew that everything was worth it.