Chapter Text
Of course, I could not be absolutely certain he wasn’t deceiving me. Like he had said, only time would allow us to earn each other’s trust. If that was even remotely possible.
And in any case, trust or not, I had the guarantee of my freedom through Mal.
I rose from my chair and stepped closer to him. He rose as well.
« Would you swear it? » I asked him, just for good measures.
« I swear I will let you take the stag, » he answered, voice almost amused.
His face grew serious again, something unhinged in his eyes. « But I swear this to you as well. If you run, I will hunt you like an animal, Alina. You will find no sanctuary. You will have no peace.»
Silence grew between us, thick with the violence of his words. I came even closer to him, enough for me to need to raise my face to look at him, for him to tilt his down. Ever so slowly, my movement intentionally deliberate, I cradled his face between both my hands, my fingers slowly spreading on his cheeks, in his hair. His lips parted, releasing a tiny sigh that kissed my own.
« I don’t trust you, » I said, my voice a soft whisper between us. « I don’t know what’s true and what’s deceit. I don’t even know if you are still able of authenticity, of letting go of the mask. But I promise you this in turn. As long as you don’t take away my freedom, I will never use it to run away from you. We will disagree, we will fight. But I will always be by your side, and you by mine. »
He closed his eyes at this and I allowed us to bask a bit in this quiet peace we seemed to have found. When I finally retreated back to my chair, he opened his eyes, back to the cool and disinterested mask he usually wore.
« What do you want, exactly, Alina? »
« You said you have made a haven for the grisha. I want to make a haven for all — Grisha and otkazat’sya. A place where there’s more to life than war.
Ravka is broken. There is something wrong with this country. No land, no life. Just a uniform and a gun.
I want more.
A Ravka where grisha are not just barely accepted and stared from afar but valued, part of an all. Where there is no war to keep us divided. A Ravka built by Grisha and Otkazat’sya alike, working together instead of apart. And through it all, the Fold. Protecting us. Invoking fear in our enemies’ hearts and shelter for ravkans. »
He let me finish but was shaking his head by the end, refuting my words. « They fear us. They always have and they always will, » he said.
« But they don’t fear me. They are already whispering my name, praying to Sankta Alina. Let me be the bridge between their fear of you and hope of me.
You created a safe place for grisha by extending the gap between the us and them. Maybe it was what was needed at the time. But this gap has become a hindrance now.
No more us and them. A unified country, under the protection of both the Fold and Sankta Alina. Not an age of Grisha, but an age of Ravka, » I concluded, echoing his words.
« They may not fear you now but what happens when you won’t age, when you won’t change? » he said, « You live in a single moment. I live in a thousand. With time, you will understand they are all dust, Alina. All except you and me. Your sacrifices, forgotten. Your achievements, all taken for granted. The fear of all the time you have over them the only thing remaining.»
We stared at each other, seemingly at an impasse. Our different convictions a rift between us.
But I was still here. And he wasn’t threatening me.
In my book, that was a good start.
« What do you want? » I asked. « To rule over ashes? Over a broken country? »
« The Fold will be used as a warning, an example of what awaits our enemies if they refuse to surrender. The king will be rendered useless. There won’t be a nation powerful enough to stop us. »
I laughed but there was no humor to the sound. « For someone who claims to live in a thousand moments, you have an awfully narrow vision. This will only lead to more war. Maybe even to a civil one if the nobility gets into it. Do you really think our enemies would surrender so easily? How many people would we need to sacrifice before getting to this point? »
« As many as we need » he said, rising once again from his chair, towering over me. « We will make them as desperate as they once made us! »
« I am begging you, » I said, « let the past be gone. These people are dust now, you said it yourself. Your vengeance, as righteous as it may be, has no cause anymore. If you choose this path, there will be nothing left. We have time. Why not start by bringing order to our own country? » He tried to speak but I raised a hand, stopping him,« And then, if peace hasn’t managed to satiate your thirst for vengeance, then, we will reconsider. »
He began to pace before me, more agitated than I’d ever seen him. He suddenly came to a stop at last, turning his eyes on me once more.
« I will suffer the king no longer » he finally said.
I tried to hide my surprise as best I could. Was that another concession, the second in only one night? Was I being played entirely or had I just really hit the spot? The headache I had managed to lose was returning with a vengeance. I had no way of knowing for certain. All I could do was hoping it wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass later.
« And I agree, » I answered him, trying to swallow my unease. « I definitely don’t agree with the methods you took to get there but I admit he needs to go. Do you plan on replacing him yourself? » I asked, even though I doubted he would go that far. It wasn’t necessary, not when he could just have a puppet doing all the work for him.
« Of course not, » he answered, confirming my suspicion, his previous agitation seemingly gone, the cool front back in place. « The Apparat will replace him at the head of the country, rallying the people under the banner of the Sun Summoner. »
The bastard. I sent him a seething glare. I may have presented him a similar approach but knowing he had already planned to use me in yet another way without my knowledge still stung.
« Of course he will, » I said, my voice dry. « And the rest of the family? From what I heard, Prince Vasily is not much better than his father. Do you plan to dispose of him as well? What methods would you use this time? » I tried, I tried, to keep the anger out of my voice but I could not have kept the accusation out of it even if my life depended on it.
He cocked his head to the side.
« Do you resent her? », he asked.
« Resent her? What for? She only did what you groomed her to do all along. » He raised an eyebrow at that.
« I will not ruin her further by some pretext of righteousness. What is done is done. I will not take her revenge from her, as fabricated as it might be. In a perverse way, you are the only safety she has and believes in. What would I gain by taking that away from her? It doesn’t make what you did right. It’s just too late now. »
And I meant it with all my heart. I held no grudge against the tailor. She had been a pawn, a marionette between his expert fingers. She had done what she needed to survive, kept her loyalties in the only source of rightness she knew. And I believed that what we had had been genuine.
Be careful of powerful men, she had said. She had tried to warn me, despite her fidelity to him.
Yes, Genya was my friend, Darkling or not.
« The royal family will be kept here, at the Grand Palace, under surveillance, » he said, like I hadn’t just admitted my resentment of him over what he did. « Eventually, they will… retire. » he concluded, his voice clearly implying he would not be questioned further on the topic.
« Isn’t there a second son? » I pushed.
He waved a dismissing hand. « His claim to the throne is weak, his birth clad in rumors. He shouldn’t be a problem »
Well, we would see about that.
I sighed, taking my fingers to the bridge of my nose, trying to force the headache out of my skull. He came in front of me, his tall frame blocking the light.
He held out his hand, « Come. Rest. We will discuss things further tomorrow. »
I took his hand for the peace offering it was and allowed him to raise me up. Aware of my previous warning, he slowly raised the hand not holding mine to push back my hair from my face, giving me time to step away if I wished so. How unfair was it that his hand to my skin instantaneously chased the headache away?
In the silence he whispered, « What of me, Alina? What do you want of me? »
I opened eyes I hadn’t even realized I had closed.
« Everything, » I said, « I want everything. No mask. No games.
I will be your equal but it won’t be something you give me. I will take it. And give you everything in return. »
He took a last, long look at me, grey eyes burning, hungry, a question I knew he would never concede to say out loud in their depth.
« I will still be here in the morning, » I whispered, answering nonetheless.
He finally stepped back, leaving my cheek and hand cold in the absence of his touch.
« Send a letter to your tracker, tell him to find the stag. Since I doubt Baghra will be willing to teach you, I will personally see to your training. You will need it with an amplifier under your control. »
I was still hesitant to believe him but could discern no deceit in him.
« Should I be worried for Baghra? » I asked as he opened my door, not missing the ire in his tone at his mother’s mention.
« I will talk with her, nothing more. Fortunately for her, you came back. I would not have been that generous had you effectively ran away. »
I kept myself from rolling my eyes at the barely veiled threat.
Trust would be hard-won. Fortunately for us, we would have eternity to built it.
He walks alone in the darkness, the night still reigning in the sky.
He was afraid of it, once. The dark. Already waiting for the light to be his salvation.
He can hear some revelers that took to the shadows after the Fete. He doesn’t pay them any mind, his black kefta making him near invisible in the obscurity.
They are all dust. All except her.
He can see the small hut in the distance, chimney giving up smoke that is barely visible against the stars. He raged at first when he realized what the woman inside almost succeeded to do. But after his conversation with the girl, he realizes maybe she presented him with an opportunity.
He opens the door of the hut, not bothering to knock, breaking the polite pretense that is customary between him and its occupant.
Mother and son assess each other. With all the years between them, no words are necessary. She knows why he is here.
« Go on then, » she says. « Do what you came here to do.»
« She stayed, » he says, with vicious satisfaction.
Her face darkens.
« Foolish, stupid, naive little girl » she snarls.
« You should be grateful, mother, » he says, the term an insult in his mouth. « Had she ran away, we would be having a very different conversation. »
« I knew very well the consequences my actions would have. Your mercy is the one I taught you.
I would have taken any repercussions conjured by your twisted mind if it meant keeping you from going beyond redemption. »
« I’ve always gone as far as you taught me to go. You showed me that power was everything, that the world was cleaved in two; those who have it and those who don’t. And that without it, we are nothing, » he replies.
They both stare at each other, the heat around them full of echoes, for they’ve been saying the same words to one another again and again for decades now.
« Will you force the stag on her, take her power for yourself? » she asks.
« I won’t need to. She knows she’s better off working with me than against me. »
« Then both of your greed will be your downfall, » she says, bitter and angry.
« She may be my balance, » he says.
She scoffs. « And what will happen when you will face a disagreement? Will you really listen or simply crush her? »
He doesn’t answer her but turns to stare at the fire instead. She had not been afraid nor tried to fight him. She wanted everything, she had said, and the echo of a name long since suppressed resonates in him at the thought.
They were alike, as no one else was, as no one else ever would be.
« She stayed, » he repeats, more to himself than to the woman.
His mother says nothing this time. Absorbed by the fire as he is, he doesn’t catch the curious glance she gives him. And she can’t help but think that the game has changed, and that maybe for once, it is for the better.
And despite what he told Alina earlier, he cannot help but feel a warmth slowly blossom in him, a warmth he knew the name of once, long ago buried but not forgotten.
Hope.
Fin