Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Quick notes on DID information and brief explanations of my writing:

A person with DID has two or more different personalities. Each personality is called an Alter. Each alter can be considered completely different people from each other, and they can have different names, backgrounds, family, genders, etc. They can be aware or unaware of each other. The "original" personality of the person may not be their most dominant personality, aka the personality that "stays awake" the longest. (It is possible to have multiple dominant personalities, in which case it is very distressing.)

DID (previously known as multiple personality disorder) is now referred to as such because it is classified under a group of disorders called Dissociative Disorders, which involve disruptions/breakdowns of: memory, consciousness, awareness, identity, and perception. Dissociation can be a coping mechanism, in the sense that people dissociate to "separate" their "traumatic" memories from their "normal" memories, so they can live a "normal" life without being affected by trauma. In the most simplified way, this "separation" can cause the mind to become very fragmented, so different personalities manifest.

*Note on my writing: Gakushuu is abused, and he develops his alters to help him cope with different aspects in his abuse. I won't spoil the specifics of what happens! This is not meant to be a representation of how DID develops in real life.

If someone is not aware if they have DID, they may report random occurrences of amnesia. What really happens is that that one of their alters take over the mind, so when the dominant personality returns back to awareness, they will have a brief period of time where they do not remember anything. (They are essentially different people mentally with different memories.) However, if Alters are aware of each other, it is possible for them to communicate via internal/external methods and make sure that all the alters are "on the same page".

*Note on my writing: Gakushuu has lapses in memory in this way, when his alter takes over. He describes it as "falling asleep" or "sleepwalking", and he often "wakes up" in a different location from where he "fell asleep" in, after some time has passed. Afterwards, he is aware of his alter(s) and begins communicating with them.

It is possible to treat DID! Treatment does not involve "removing" the different alters. It involves helping the alters function as a complete whole, by increasing awareness, communication, and the like. 

*Note on my writing: The fictional story of "Jekyll and Hyde" is not a representative case of DID. Gakushuu does read the book as he learns more about having different personalities, but it is not my intention to portray it as a valid resource/case study on DID. 

doing

Yukio is the second.

Gakushuu is afraid of the dark. He is afraid of the cold. 

He is afraid of spaces so small that he has to sit uncomfortably straight and press his knees against his ribs in order to fit. Spaces where noise sounds too muffled and too loud at the same time, and yet the only thing he can hear is how his quick quick heartbeat seems to jump out of his chest, pound in his ears, and echo in the cupboard.

He is afraid of the way his vision swims, because it’s too dark to make out his fingers even when he holds them in front of his face, so he tries to blink and blink and blink until his eyes ache and static buzzes until he can’t keep his eyes open without them aching.

He is afraid of spaces so small that his ankles and elbows hit the walls, splinters breaking into his skin every time he tries to move, the stray nail at the bottom of the cupboard making him lift his leg until it aches painfully but then poke him when he puts his leg down. His knees press into his ribs and he breathes and it hurts, because his lungs have nowhere to go, and he tries to breathe harder but there’s no air in the cupboard, and his eyes itch and his arms ache and his heart beats so fast that he feels like he’s exercising but he’s not moving at all, he can’t move, pressed in the cupboard that Dad locked him in.

Dad scolds him because he ruins the inside of a perfectly good cupboard. 

(“If you want to get out so much, then get out!”)

Gakushuu is afraid of the cold, but the cold numbs the way his fingers hurt, nails bleeding from scratching plywood.

The cool brick of the outside of the house in late Winter is cold, and leaning up against it is almost a relief, because he can straighten his back and press his bruises against something cold. It’s cold on the porch, even underneath the light bulb from the garden fixture that Gakushuu presses his hands to and watch the tips of fingers turn red.  

It is not cold enough to freeze, but Gakushuu knows he must stay awake, and he tries to stay awake, so he tries to blink and blink and blink until his eyes ache and red light buzzes until he has to look away from the bulb or his eyes water.

His eyes water, and it stings, and it’s cold, and Gakushuu is afraid of the cold.

He has to stay awake, and his teeth are chattering so hard that his head hurts, but that’s good, because that means he won’t fall asleep.

But Gakushuu wakes up in his house when he’s back in his room, under the covers, and he lifts his hand to his face and realizes he’s still crying.

Gakushuu tries not to fall asleep, but it’s always so dark and cold in the cupboard, so tight and quiet and loud. His head always hurts, and he’s always on the verge of running out of breath. 

He doesn’t like to fall asleep - he loses time. He doesn’t know what’s going on, because when he falls asleep he always wakes up somewhere else. It must be Dad, who moves him from the cupboard when punishment is over, back up to his room. But it’s always confusing when he wakes up somewhere different, and it makes him scared for a bit, because he doesn’t know what is going on.

He tries to stay awake.

He always fails to.

He’s sleep walking.

That must be what is happening, right?

Dad will never carry him out of the cupboard to his bed, or his desk. Dad doesn’t carry him anywhere, now. Gakushuu's leg is injured but Dad still made Gakushuu walk, even though it hurts a lot and Gakushuu tried to tell him it hurt too much.

He doesn’t remember all these bruises, but he always gets bruises in the cupboard, because everything is squeezed together so tightly he gets hurt.

He’s a little bit too big for the cupboard, and he has to sit even tighter.

He still keeps falling asleep, and then sleep walking, and then waking up in his room.

There is nothing in the cupboard but darkness, and ringing in his ears that are echo-ey and muffled at the same time.

Gakushuu tried to be good, he really tried to be good! But Dad’s angry all the time and he’s angry even when Gakushuu doesn’t do anything, and today he yelled and said Gakushuu was making a mess (he tried to clean it up!) and shut Gakushuu in the cupboard again.

It’s tight, and his chest hurts, and his arms hurt, and his leg hurts.

He doesn’t want to fall asleep but it’s dark, just like it’s night time. It’s cold in this cupboard but there’s no where else to move, and Gakushuu doesn’t want to get in trouble for trying to shake the doors to get out again, because outside is far colder. 

He hears the slow beat, beat, beat of his heart in his ears, and he counts them. They’re fast, even though he’s not exercising. 

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…

Gakushuu wakes up.

He’s on his desk, gripping onto a pencil. He must have fallen asleep again. Did Dad want him to do homework? 

Gakushuu wrote something on a blank piece of paper.

I am Yukio.

Gakushuu grips his pencil, tighter. That’s not his handwriting, nor Dad’s.

Is there someone else living in this house? Someone named Yukio? He wants to tell Dad… but Dad’s angry all the time, and he’ll put Gakushuu in the cupboard again. Gakushuu doesn’t want to go back into the cupboard, or out of the house.

I am Gakushuu , he writes next to it.

Nothing happens.

Who are you? He writes, again, and then folds the letter up and hides it where no one else but he can find it. Which is a little weird, because Gakushuu wants Yukio to find it and write back, but if he hides it anywhere else then Dad will find it.

Yukio is probably smart and very sneaky, because they’re a whole other person living in this house and Gakushuu didn’t even know.

Gakushuu gets locked in the cupboard again, two days later. When he wakes up, he’s on his bed again, and he has the letter in his hands. Yukio has written back. 

Why does Dad lock us in the cupboard?

Gakushuu freaks out. 

He knows he shouldn’t yell, or be impolite, or run in the house, but there is a stranger in the house that is saying that his dad is Gakushuu’s dad and they’re locked in the same cupboard. Is he still in there?

Gakushuu bolts into the study, and throws open the cupboard doors. 

It’s empty.

“Gakushuu!” Dad is here. “What is all the commotion about!”

“There’s someone… in the cupboard…”

Dad walks over to the cupboard. It’s still empty. 

“Is this a joke, Gakushuu?”

“No,” Gakushuu says, shaking his head. “Someone said… Yukio... I wrote a letter...“

Dad glares at him.

Gakushuu is not saying his words right. 

“There is someone else living in this house and they say you put them in the cupboard too.”

It’s spring and the snow is melting and the grass is green, and the porch is still cold.

( Someone else living in this house, huh? Is this some convoluted way of disowning yourself? Who are you, then, a stranger in my house if it’s been someone else I’m punishing?

No!-)

Gakushuu cries, but he shouldn’t cry, because crying is bad and Dad hates it when he cries, which means he’s going to leave Gakushuu out here longer.

Gakushuu is hungry and tired and he doesn’t even want to sleep, he wants to-

The letter is still in his pocket!

Stupid, stupid!

He’s too old to sleep-walk and make up imaginary friends!

Stupid Yukio!

Gakushuu rips it up, and tosses it into his yard.

Gakushuu falls asleep in the cupboard, and wakes up hours later back in his room.

He’s not asleep. He’s doing things. He wakes up and he’s at his table and part of the assessment questions that Dad is making him do, are finished. They’re all done right, too. He doesn’t think he can do that if he’s sleep walking.

He checks the cupboard again, whenever he wakes up. He does it quietly this time, without running, and opens the door softly. It’s always empty. 

He checks under the bed, and in the guest rooms, and in his secret Letter keeping place. There’s no one there.

He doesn’t expect there to be, and he doesn’t know if he’s disappointed or relieved. 

He’s scared, because he’s missing time, and he’s sleep walking, and clearly something happens then but he doesn’t know what is happening.

Gakushuu hates the cupboard, hates how he feels in there, but he needs to stay awake. He has to know what happens when he doesn’t fall asleep. Yukio can’t be in here with him, because there is no space in this cupboard at all, barely any for Gakushuu, definitely not for anyone else. 

Gakushuu’s head goes muddy at the way that echoes blend in the cupboard, feeling the thrumming in his ears, but he doesn't want to fall asleep. 

He has to stay awake.

He pinches himself. Scratches his skin, digs his nails into his flesh, and it stings. It stings so much that Gakushuu doesn’t think he can focus on anything but the pain, but the pain echoes like noises in the cupboard, melding together into numbing…

Gakushuu wakes up again, in his room, bloodied long lines running up his arms.

Gakushuu turns six that winter, and he goes off to school. 

School starts and Dad is busy, so he spends even less time with Gakushuu. Gakushuu misses him, but that means he spends less time in the cupboard, too, which is good. This also means he doesn’t sleepwalk anymore.

He makes a friend, Ren Sakakibara, who sits with him at lunch. Gakushuu likes Sakaibara a lot. He’s nice, and funny, and he lives in the same street that Gakushuu does. Although Gakushuu doesn’t think Dad would want him to go visit a friend when he could be studying, and Gakushuu doesn’t want to be locked in the scary cupboard again, so he lies to Ren and says that Dad told him no, even though he doesn’t ask.

Ren's not Gakushuu's only friend, but he's the best one. They sit together at meal times and stand next to each other in lines and look for each other when it's time to play. The other kids are also nice, mostly.

Except for Shoji, who one day pushes Gakushuu into a cupboard and shuts the door.

And Gakushuu doesn't like being in cupboards, but that doesn't mean he's not used to them. He knows what to do in them so he curls up and counts down and he thinks, will he fall asleep, if he's in school?

Gakushuu wakes up and Ren is looking at him, and the end-of-school bell is ringing.

Gakushuu blinks. He fell asleep.

He looks at Ren, who looks…

...Scared. 

"Gakushuu?" He says, hopefully.

Gakushuu looks at him."Yeah?"

Ren hugs him. "I was worried! You were acting weird."

"Oh." That's because he was asleep, he supposes he wouldn't act normally. But he was still awake, and the idea of acting differently was new. "What did I do?"

Ren pauses, considering. "I don't know." he frowns. "Nothing."

"Oh."

"Shoji pushed you in the cupboard." Ren frowns. "Sayuri-Sensei gave him a time-out."

Oh, okay. "Good," Gakushuu says.

"You were just acting weird, that's all," Ren says, frowning. "You didn't talk to anyone and you didn't talk to me."

"Oh," Gakushuu says. 

Does he talk to anyone when he falls asleep at home? Well, only Dad is home for him to talk to and Gakushuu doesn't think he talks to him.

"Gakushuu," Ren says suddenly. "The door wasn't locked. Why didn't you push it open?"

Yukio only comes out when Gakushuu's asleep, is the conclusion he comes to. And he's very sneaky to be able to come into Gakushuu's room and avoid Dad. 

Although Gakushuu is still confused, and he doesn't understand why he's still clearly awake when he sleeps. He asks Sayuri-Sensei, who says that moving around while you sleep is called sleepwalking. 

"What do I do if I keep falling asleep and sleepwalking?" Gakushuu asks her.

"There are a lot of reasons for sleepwalking," Sayuri-Sensei says. "You can ask your dad to bring you to the doctor."

"Oh," Gakushuu says, already knowing he won't ask. "Okay. Thank you, Sayuri-Sensei."

But what he doesn't count on is Sayuri-Sensei telling Dad, who asks him with a raised eyebrow and a frown on his face, "you told your teacher you've been sleepwalking?"

Gakushuu is never telling Sayuri-Sensei anything ever again. "...Yeah."

"Well, you don't," Dad says. "You sleep through the night."

Gakushuu sleep in the day either, he doesn't say. He wonders if Dad can even tell. Ren can't tell, just thought he acted weird because he didn't talk. But Gakushuu doesn't talk to Dad anyways so maybe Dad just thinks he's acting normally when he sleepwalks. 

Gakushuu thinks he'll tell Ren, so Ren doesn't get too worried in case he sleepwalks at school again. He's going to have to make Ren not to promise to tell anyone, especially not Dad. 

Ren's a good friend and he agrees immediately, and then says he'll make sure Gakushuu doesn't sleepwalk into dangerous places like all the shows he watches. Gakushuu likes Ren.

Gakushuu is seven years old when he watches The Incredible Hulk . (Dad lets him watch it but only in English so he can practice.) 

The man turns into Hulk. Hulk is awake. 

When Hulk turns back into the man, the man doesn't remember what he did, when he was Hulk.

Gakushuu… watches it. Again, and again.

He decides to ask - subtly. Not Sayuri-Sensei, who Gakushuu will never ask anything to ever again, bur Dad. Dad, who knows everything in the world because he's super smart, smarter than Sayuri-Sensei, definitely.

And Dad doesn't think he sleepwalks.

"Dad?"

Dad is busy. He's always busy. He looks displeased that Gakushuu has come to look for him. "What? Are you done looping that movie yet?"

"The hulk…" Gakushuu fiddles with his thumb. "Can that happen to real people too?"

Dad looks at him sharply. "Pardon?"

Pardon means "say that again", which means Dad is irritated. 

Gakushuu bites his lip. "When you change to a different person."

Dad stares at him for a while, lips pursed, before he stands and walks out of the office. Gakushuu follows him because he's not supposed to be in the office without Dad. 

They walk down to the library, and Dad scans the shelves before he plucks a book out and hands it to Gakushuu wordlessly.

Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

Gakushuu looks at the empty space in the bookshelf to memorize where to put it back. He needs the step stool, he thinks.

He looks back up at Dad, who looks at him for a moment, before turning around and walking off.

Gakushuu flips the book open. It is in English. 

He drags the step stool over from a corner so he can reach for the dictionary.

"Ren?"

"Yeah?" 

Gakushuu looks left and right to make sure they're alone in the playground. He shifts closer. "I have a secret. It's related to my sleepwalking."

"Oh!" Ren brings a finger to his lips. "I haven't told anyone."

Gakushuu smiles at him. He likes Ren. "Thank you. My new secret is…" How does he begin to… explain? "Did you watch the Hulk?"

"Yeah!" Ren bounces. "My dad took me to watch it."

"I think…" Gakushuu looks left and right again and then drops his voice into a whisper. "I think I'm like him."

"I know I sleepwalk, but I still do things. It's like Hulk and Bruce. When Bruce turns to Hulk, Bruce is asleep, but Hulk still does things and he doesn't really talk to anyone. When he turns back, Bruce doesn't remember what Hulk does but he knows that Hulk did something."

Ren thinks for a moment. "That doesn't sound like sleepwalking."

Gakushuu frowns. "...Yeah."

They are silent.

"What if we ask?" Ren says. 

Gakushuu looks at him. "I'm not asking Sayuri-Sensei."

"Ask you when you're sleepwalking," Ren clarifies. "Hulk and Bruce are two different people - my dad explained it to me. If you're like that, then when you sleepwalk, you're someone else."

Gakushuu looks down at his hands. He's partway through Dr  Jekyll and Mr Hyde. It's hard to read.

"Gakushuu?" Ren asks.

"I think…" Gakushuu says, "that's a good idea."

Ren beams. "Okay! How do we do that? We have to wait until you sleepwalk."

"I sleepwalk when I'm in the cupboard."

Ren wrinkles his nose. "Like when Shoji pushed you in last time?"

Gakushuu thinks of all the time Dad pushed him into the cupboard. "Yeah." 

Ren falls silent. "I didn't like it when that happened."

"I fell asleep there," Gakushuu says. Cupboards always make him feel bad, and uncomfortable and sleepy - even if it was the school cupboard instead of the one in his house. "I can go in. I think I'll sleepwalk again."

Ren frowns unhappily. "Okay."

Gakushuu and Ren sneak into the hallway. The big cupboard for all the old books is there, and Gakushuu remembers it being dusty and cramped and dark and echoey. When he opens the door he's reminded that it looks exactly to be so, and he doesn't like it already, but he wants to find out.

He sits on the old book. At least, Gakushuu thinks, he gets to try and be comfortable by himself when he's not just pushed in.

"See you," Ren whispers. He shuts the door.

Gakushuu closes his eyes. 

All cupboards feel the same, on the inside 

Small, Cramped, his knees pushing the wrong way.

The heaviness of his breaths, the tightness in his lungs just growing tighter. Louder and louder. 

His heart, pushed so high up by his knees that they're at his throat, in his ears.

Pounding.

It's hard to breathe.

He opens his eyes, but there's nothing to see.

He closes them.

He opens his eyes.

Ren is looking at him. "Gakushuu?"

The end-of-school bell is ringing. "Yeah?"

Ren is frowning at him. His eyes are big, and watery.

“What’s wrong?” Gakushuu asks him.  

“You sleepwalked again…” Ren worries at his lower lip. “But… you talked to me, this time.”

“Oh,” Gakushuu says. “What did I say?”

Ren shakes his head, and inexplicably says, “not you.” Then he slides a piece of paper over.

It's a handwriting he’s seen once.

"He says his name is Yukio."

Hi, Gakushuu. 

Gakushuu stands on tip toes and peers over the sink to stare into the mirror. The boy who wears his face stares back - eyebags from staying up all night, red rimmed eyes from rubbing when they itched while reading, those round cheeks that those people his father takes him to meet always pinches and says makes him look cute. 

Blonde hair that he pushes away from his eyes and tries to tuck behind his ears, but a few strands fall loose anyways - the same colour as Mom’s hair, the woman who Gakushuu sees on the picture frame on the mantle. He thinks he misses her, but he doesn’t really remember her - he doesn’t really remember much of anything.

Pale violet eyes that he shares with Dad, boring into the mirror.

That’s Gakushuu .

Hulk and Bruce Banner looked different. But Gakushuu knows Yukio doesn’t look any different from him, because nobody else (except for Ren) knows when Yukio is here or when Gakushuu is here.

Gakushuu stands up straight and tries to lift his head like the way Dad always does.

That’s not him in the mirror - well, it’s still the face of Gakushuu Asano looking back at him, but Gakushuu doesn’t feel much like himself. It looks forced, and it is tiring to stand like this all the time, Gakushuu can feel his back hurting already. That’s a completely different person in the mirror… but it’s not Yukio - Gakushuu doesn’t know what Yukio looks like, but this isn’t right.

He relaxes his shoulders. That looks more like him - that’s how he always stands.

Gakushuu wraps his hands around himself and curls over into his own arms. The boy in the mirror looks small… like he’s used to squeezing into small spaces, like cupboards.

Gakushuu slowly sinks to his feet, and he curls up in a ball on the bathroom floor. He can’t see the mirror but it doesn’t matter anymore because he knows what Yukio looks like. Well, he doesn’t really, because Yukio probably looks different from him, but he knows what Yukio feels like, at least. 

He brings his legs up to his chest and puts his head there. It’s uncomfortable to stay like this, but he’s in the bathroom, and there’s plenty of space for him to move around if he wants to, so he doesn’t feel the strain of trying to squeeze in somewhere he hardly fits. He relaxes his legs a little.

He says, out loud, “Yukio?”

Something makes him shiver. He feels a little sleepy - he doesn’t want to sleep! He needs to… to…

“Wait, Yukio,” Gakushuu says, “I want to talk to you…”

He thinks of Bruce Banner and the Hulk. They don’t really talk to each other, but they know that each other exists in the same body.

A strange feeling - like an almost-forgotten memory trying to remind him of something, or like an odd craving - tugs at the back of his mind. Gakushuu feels a little bit more sleepy, and his brain is trying to think something but his thoughts are getting a little… confused…

But Gakushuu can’t fall asleep if he wants to… talk to… 

“...Yukio?”

“Gakushuu,” someone says, in Gakushuu’s voice. He didn’t say that - he heard it! But-

“Yukio?” He says, to himself, but he’s getting a lot more tired....

 “Hi,” he hears himself say back.

Gakushuu blinks, and blinks, and yawns, and…

Gakushuu wakes up at his desk.

His hand is gripping a pencil. On a piece of paper, Yukio’s handwriting says, Sorry. I think we can’t both be awake at the same time .

Gakushuu chews on his bottom lip. That makes sense. Otherwise it would be very confusing, if they had two people trying to do two different things with the same body. They have to share.

Gakushuu doesn’t know if he likes the idea of sharing yet. He didn’t like it in the cupboard, and he thinks it’s unfair that Yukio is always in the cupboard. He doesn’t like being confused all the time, because he doesn’t know what happens when he’s not awake. It also scares Ren.   

...but they can be asleep at the same time, right? Since none of them needs to be awake at night. He doesn’t know how it works… but he’ll try to talk to Yukio.

...what does Yukio look like?

Gakushuu runs back to the bathroom mirror. He stands on his tiptoes, and squishes his own cheeks in. 

For some reason, he imagines Yukio as a boy with white hair.

Yukio

Snow

“I met him.”

Ren startles, eyes wide. His voice drops to a whisper and he leans forward. “Yukio? How?”

“In my head,” Gakushuu whispers. “At night, when we were both asleep. It was like I was dreaming.”

“Oh,” Ren says. 

Gakushuu fiddles with his thumbs. “We have to take turns being awake. We can’t both be awake at the same time because only one person gets to be Gakushuu.”

Ren furrows his brow. “But you’re Gakushuu.”

Gakushuu nods. “Yeah. I am Gakushuu. But Yukio is also me. Like Hulk and Bruce Banner. But only one of them can be there at one time.”

“Okay,” Ren says. “So you’re Bruce Banner?”

Gakushuu pauses, considering. “Yukio doesn’t hit things. He’s very quiet.” Then something comes to Gakushuu’s mind, and he frowns. 

Ren prods him with a pencil.

Gakushuu frowns. “Yukio… he always wakes up when I’m in the cupboard.”

Ren stops poking him.

This is the part Gakushuu doesn’t really understand. Yukio is not afraid of the dark, or the cold, or small spaces. Yukio sits quietly in them, and he’s calm, and he can close his eyes and meditate and think of things as he sits. 

“Yukio says… um… he is okay with sitting in the cupboard. He knows I’m scared, and he wakes up so I can sleep through it.”

Ren blinks in surprise. “Oh.”

“Mhm,” Gakushuu says. “He doesn’t like to talk to people, so he’s asleep then and I stay awake. He’s a little shy, but he’s very nice.”

Ren nods seriously. “Okay. Can you say thank you to Yukio for me?”

“Why? Did he help you last time?”

“No, but he helps you.”

Gakushuu blinks, and he brings a hand to his heart. “Oh. Yes. I will say thank you.”

It’s nighttime, and Gakushuu sleeps, and dreams.

When he dreams, he sees his room. Yukio is there.

“Ren says thank you,” Gakushuu tells him.

“Oh,” Yukio says. “Um. Ok.”

Yukio tugs at his hair. It is longer than Gakushuu’s, and snowy white, and falls in front of his eyes. 

“I like Ren,” Gakushuu prods. “He’s my best friend.”

“He’s nice,” Yukio says. He blinks his large eyes at Gakushuu. 

It’s a little weird, but it’s not really weird. This is just like a dream, and Gakushuu’s talking to someone in his dream. He just happens to know that this person he’s talking to… also happens to be him.

Gakushuu helps Yukio braid his hair, although he leaves two long strands at the front loose because Yukio keeps tugging on them. Then Yukio yawns and says, “I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.”

“Night night, Yukio,” Gakushuu whispers to him.

“Goodnight,” Yukio whispers back. 

Gakushuu wakes up at the breakfast table. 

Dad is looking at his newspapers.

“Good morning,” Gakushuu mumbles quietly, but Dad hears it. His gaze snaps up to Gakushuu, eyes narrowing, the newspaper crinkling at the edges where his hand grips it.

“Good morning again, Asano,” Dad says.

Yukio must have already said good morning to him, then. 

Gakushuu silently continues eating.

He returns Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde to Dad, who looks confused for a brief moment, like he’s forgotten he’s loaned it out.

He gives Gakushuu a strange look, and then puts it back in its place on the shelf.

Chapter Text

Quick notes on DID information and brief explanations of my writing:

Alters can be completely different from each other, with different names, backgrounds, families, ages, gender, ethnicities, etc. It is possible for different alters to suffer body/gender dysphoria as a result.

*Note on my writing: For this fic, Gakushuu's alters will be around the same age as him, and they would all be Japanese. Why? Well, for one, I think it would be just easier for me to navigate in my writing, and two - despite them all being different people, I'm not sure if you can be someone don't have knowledge of. Rather, Gakushuu won't have an alter that's say, from Brazil, if he doesn't even know what Brazil is. At the same time, since he's very young, he likely won't have an alter that differs very much from him, because he doesn't have life experiences to inform him of a different lifestyle. I don't have a source to quote this specifically, though.

There are many different ways that alters, who are aware of each other, can communicate. If not all alters can be conscious at the same time, they can communicate using third party means like speaking to someone who relays messages between the alters, or through writing and video. Some people with DID develop 'co-consciousness', or concurrent consciousness, where alters can be 'awake' in the mind at the same time and communicate through internal thoughts. Concurrent communication can take place in different ways, like simply thinking, hearing each others' voices, or being able to see each other in a common space. Co-consciousness is very hard and requires very good internal communication and good understanding of each other. 

Not all alters are 'equal', in the sense that not all alters have the same level of awareness or strength. Some alters are more dominant alters, where they are conscious and take over the body more often. Some alters can be less dominant and are rarely awake. It is possible for two alters to be dominant and "fight" for control, which can lead to many distressing and confusing thoughts and emotions. For most people with DID, switching between alters is unconscious and involuntarily. Making the switch is often not obvious - they will look exactly like the same person. To a casual observer, it may just look like a different mood or thought, or other common explanations for a change in behaviour.

*Note on my writing: Gakushuu is somewhat co-conscious with his alters (he communicates differently with them). He is able to see his alters in his mind, which he describes as "dreaming", in the same way that he describes not being the dominant alter as "falling asleep". This is for the most part a creative storytelling decision because I think this fic will be more interesting if he gets to interact with his alters. Not all his alters have the same level of consciousness and communication. His switching with his alters are mostly unconscious and involuntary, although he has discussions about the triggers that causes the switches - and the more he understands them, the more he is able to make use of them. 

Nanako comes third.

Gakushuu is training when it happens. Yukio doesn’t like to come out when Gakushuu is training. He says it is too loud and too fast and too scary. Gakushuu agrees - training with Dad is very loud and fast and scary. 

He thinks it hurts more than being locked in the cupboard (even though the cupboard is tight and squeeze-y) because Dad hits him really really hard. 

Dad always says he's not doing his stances and his fight moves right. Gakushuu will be too sore from the previous day to hold his forms properly and Dad never lets him rest.

Gakushuu likes it, though, even though it hurts. It's one of the only times he sees Dad now, because he's so busy doing work otherwise. When they’re training, Dad spends time with Gakushuu and tells Gakushuu that this is all for his own good and he wants Gakushuu to be able to protect himself - so that’s good! That means that Dad still cares about him, which is why they train together.

It hurts a lot afterwards and Dad always makes him clean up. His arm aches and he can't lift his pencil properly to do homework later. Sometimes if Dad hits too hard he feels like he's back in the cupboard, his ears ringing and his head throbbing and his chest heavy. 

Yukio says it's different from the cupboard because he is okay with sitting in the cupboard but he hates being hit. That’s okay, because Yukio always protects him when they’re in the cupboard, so now it’s Gakushuu’s turn to protect Yukio and be awake when they’re training.

Dad is still angry all the time, but he doesn't lock Gakushuu in the cupboard anymore, so Yukio doesn’t come out a lot anymore. But that’s okay, because Gakushuu can talk to him in their head now. 

Gakushuu and Yukio learn that they cannot be awake at the same time… except sometimes when Gakushuu is awake, he can hear Yukio talking to him? Even though he’s still very much awake by himself. 

And sometimes he gets this feeling… the feeling like… like when he’s asleep in his bed and his alarm clock starts to ring, but it’s still very dark and warm under the covers. He can’t really see anything because it’s dim and his eyes are half-closed, but he can still hear the alarm clock ring, and he’s halfway between going back to bed and waking up to brush his teeth. That’s the feeling he gets sometimes - he can’t really control himself, but he hears Yukio like the alarm clock, and he sees everything else like he’s trying to open his eyes when he wakes up. 

Yukio tells Gakushuu that he hears him when it happens.  

It’s very weird and Gakushuu doesn’t understand it at all. 

But that sort of means that they can both be awake at the same time, even though the other person is only sort-of awake. Gakushuu can ask Yukio questions and Yukio can answer, and sometimes when Yukio asks him something, Gakushuu answers too. 

Which is good, because that means Gakushuu doesn’t have to go to sleep to talk to Yukio.

Gakushuu is training when it happens - he falls asleep. Then he wakes up back in his room, his arms and legs feeling as sore as they normally are after he’s done.

"Yukio?" He says out loud.

Gakushuu thinks of Yukio really hard in his head. “Yukio?” He thinks. “Are you awake?”

The Yukio in his head says, “hi, Gakushuu.”

Gakushuu asks him, “were you awake just now, during training?”

“Hm?” Yukio sounds confused. “You know I don’t like training. I was asleep.”

“I was asleep, too,” Gakushuu says. 

“Oh,” Yukio says. He falls silent.

They think for a while. 

"I think," Yukio hums, "we will have to see. Keep track of the times you fall asleep, and when, and why. Then we can see if it's really a new person, or if this is just a one time thing."

It happens three more times.

There's someone else, isn't there.

Someone else in his head. Someone who…

… likes training, too.

Gakushuu thinks it's unfair. He likes training with Dad, but now he has to fall asleep during it. 

The next time he’s training, he fights to stay awake. He feels himself drift a little - losing focus, like he's falling back asleep… but he pinches himself hard until a twinge of pain runs up his arm and makes him startle in shock, and then focuses back to Dad. 

Dad is angry. "Are you paying attention?"

Gakushuu nods. "Yes."

His arm hurts, and there are bruises that he did not get himself, which means the third person must have gotten them.

"Your form is all wrong!" Dad snaps at him. "You got this yesterday!"

Gakushuu was asleep yesterday. But… someone else was awake, that’s not Yukio, and that someone else got the forms right.

"I can do it," Gakushuu says, but he can't. He's been asleep all the times they're supposed to be training, which means that Gakushuu doesn't know anything!

Not that Dad knows. He can never tell when it’s Yukio or Gakushuu speaking to him. 

“Asano!” Dad snaps at him, loudly. Gakushuu flinches a little. “Um… I got it…”

Something faint tugs at the back of Gakushuu's brain. Gakushuu shakes his head to get rid of it.

"I'm going to show you one more time," Dad says, sounding irritated. "Pay attention."

Gakushuu squares his shoulders and straightens up - shakily. 

Dad demonstrates a stance, and then a kata. Gakushuu tries to lift his arms the same way but his arms are trembling, he can’t balance, his leg hurts when he swings it like that-

“Asano!” Dad snaps.

Gakushuu startles, flips, and falls! It hurts! 

“If you’re not going to focus, don’t waste my time!” Dad says.

Gakushuu blinks, and blinks, and oh, it’s getting blurry, and his eyes are hot. He looks up at Dad. “S-sorry.”

Dad says, “we’ll stop here today. I expect you to be better tomorrow.”

Gakushuu runs to his room. 

Gakushuu finds himself standing tip-toed in the mirror, looking at his splotchy face and sweaty hair. 

This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair! 

He’s trying really hard! Why does someone else get to spend more time with Dad!

Gakushuu sinks to the floor, frustrated. He pulls his knees up to his chest, blinks again and again until his vision becomes fuzzy with tears again.

Yukio’s voice curls in his brain. “Don’t cry, Gakushuu.”

“Oh,” Gakushuu sniffs. “Did I wake you up?”

“Mhm,” Yukio says. “What’s wrong?”

Gakushuu lowers his head. “I messed up my training with Dad.”

Yukio sounds surprised. “Oh, you were the one training today? I thought you would have fallen asleep.”

“I almost did. But i wanted to stay awake.”

“Oh,” Yukio says. “How did it go?”

Gakushuu rubs his eyes. “This person is a better fighter than me. Dad sad that they get it all right. I didn’t know anything so I did it all wrong today.”

“Maybe you can learn how to do it right,” Yukio says. 

“How? Dad’s not going to teach me.”

“We can ask the new person to teach you.” Yukio pauses. “You should write them a note. Like what we did.”

Gakushuu writes a note. Hi, I'm Gakushuu .

He wakes up. Hi, I'm Yukio.

Not quite.

He goes to train, and wakes up at his desk.

I am Nanako.

Nanako.

Gakushuu goes to bed at night, wakes up in his dreams. It's his bedroom again. Yukio is here, and he has his head poked underneath the bed. 

"Hi," Gakushuu says.

Yukio startles, and hits his head on the frame. He wriggles out. "Hello."

"What are you looking for?" Gakushuu asks.

"Nanako," Yukio says, a small frown on his face.

Gakushuu blinks. "Have you met Nanako?"

Yukio shakes his head. "I felt someone else in my head earlier today. But I didn't see them."

They sit on the bed together, and Gakushuu tells Yukio what happened at school. Yukio tells him about Gakushuu helps Yukio braid his hair. 

But then it's time for both of them to go to bed, so Gakushuu falls asleep, and wakes up at school, Ren seated chatting away beside him.

"I have a third person in my head," Gakushuu whispers to Ren.

Ren looks at him, eyes wide. “Oh, are you Gakushuu?”

“Yeah,” Gakushuu says. He blinks. “Well, I am now. Were you talking to Yukio?”

Ren nods. “Mhm. What do you mean by a third person? Like Yukio?”

“Yeah.” Gakushuu puts a hand on his head. “I was falling asleep when I was training, but Yukio says it wasn’t him. And then we wrote a note, and we saw this.” He shows Ren the letter - I am Nanako.

“I haven’t seen Nanako yet,” Gakushuu says. “Yukio hasn’t, either.”

“Oh!” Ren says. “Should we do what we did with the cupboard?”

“That’s a good idea,” Gakushuu nods, “but Nanako doesn’t wake up when I’m in the cupboard, though. That’s still Yukio. It’s only when I’m training with Dad.”

Ren frowns in confusion. “...Training?”

“You know,” Gakushuu says. “Sparring.” 

“With your dad?”

“He teaches me how to do martial arts,” Gakushuu says, and he mimes a stance with his hands - arms pulled to his face, fists curled. “Like this.”

Ren frowns, looking down at his own hands. “Oh. I don’t think I can, uh, hit you.”

“That’s okay,” Gakushuu says. “I think we’ll just wait for Nanako to show up. Now that we know that they’re here, I think it’d be easier to look for them.”

Nanako doesn’t wake up. 

Gakushuu is a little frustrated, because he really wants to talk to them. Yukio says they have to be patient, but Gakushuu can tell that he’s looking around too.

Gakushuu tries training again the next time Dad calls for him. Dad yells at him, saying that Gakushuu should do better. But it’s Nanako that can do better, not Gakushuu, but Gakushuu can’t tell Dad that.

So he picks himself up, and tries to follow, but his arms hurt and his legs hurt and his head hurts and his vision swims…

Gakushuu wakes up at the dinner table. He blinks, surprised, and Dad looks over curiously.

Gakushuu quickly shoves some food into his mouth.

Ugh, he ate too fast. He feels sick.

Gakushuu… lets Nanako take over during Training the next time. 

He wishes he could spend more time with Dad, but he hates that look Dad gives him even more - the disappointment, the anger at Gakushuu not knowing anything.

He starts waking up just as training finishes, just in time to hear Dad say, “good.”

Gakushuu doesn’t make it all the way to his room. He opens his eyes a few hours later, after Yukio has brought them through the rest of the day. It’s already night time - they’re asleep.

“Oh, Gakushuu,” Yukio says, and pats his hair as Gakushuu sobs into his lap.

“I just …” Gakushuu’s fists curl up on his lap, nails digging into his thighs - Ren grabs his hands, before he rips at the fabric of his pants.

“If Nanako didn’t exist then I would be good at training and then Dad would-”

“Gakushuu,” Ren pleads, and he brings his hands to Gakushuu's shoulders to hold him. 

"Can I get a hug?" Gakushuu sniffles.

"Okay," Ren says, hugging him. Gakushuu doesn't want to cry but he cries a little bit. He buries his face in Ren's shoulder so no one else sees him. 

“Yukio,” Gakushuu asks one night, “I don’t understand. Why are you really here?”

“What do you mean?” Yukio asks.

Gakushuu raises his arms, and gestures to himself. “I’m… me. And you’re… you.”

Yukio frowns. “Um… I don’t know.”

Gakushuu sits next to him on the bed. Yukio lets him play with his hair. Gakushuu says, “how did you come here?”

“One day, I was just here,” Yukio says honestly. “I don’t remember being anywhere else.”

“You must have come from somewhere, right?” Gakushuu is so, so confused. “Did you have a mom? Or a dad?”

Yukio shrugs. “No. I don’t know. I don’t think it matters.”

Gakushuu stops stroking his hair.

Yukio turns around to face him. His eyes - a striking, icy blue - glitter. “Gakushuu,” he says softly. “What is on your mind?”

“I… um… I was just- I was thinking about Nanako.”

“Mm,” Yukio says, and he turns around to grab a comb. Gakushuu takes it from him and begins combing Yukio’s hair with long, slow strokes. 

“I wanted to know… I want to talk to them… I thought maybe I could find out - or something to talk about, if I knew why they were here.”

Yukio tilts his head. “Can I give you my two cents?” Two cents is a phrase that Dad said on the phone. Yukio has been using it a lot. 

“Okay,” Gakushuu says.

“Remember when I always woke up, before we started knowing each other?” Yukio says. “It was because of the cupboard. You didn’t like it there, but I did.”

“...” Gakushuu purses his lips. “So you’re saying that Nanako always wakes up during training because they like it and I don’t?”

“That’s what I was thinking about-”

“That’s not true!” Gakushuu insists. “I like training!”

Yukio takes the brush from him, and fully spins around to stare at Gakushuu, frowning. “Why?”

“Because Dad’s there,” Gakushuu says.

Yukio glares at him. “That’s it?”

“What do you mean, that’s it? I like spending time with Dad! He says he wants me to be better and-”

Yukio snaps, “he doesn’t care if you get better, Gakushuu!”

“That’s not true! He always says-” 

“HE LOCKS YOU IN THE CUPBOARD!”

Gakushuu’s mouth clicks shut, bottom lip trembling.

“Gakushuu!” Yukio tugs at his arm. “Look at this, look at this!”

His arm… it’s blurry. Oh, he’s shaking. No, he’s crying.

Splotches of dark marks on his hands. Oh, oh.

“You-you don’t understand,” Gakushuu sobs. “He… Dad… he used to- he used to be-”

“You always say it hurts so much,” Yukio pleads. “How can you like it if it hurts so much?!”

Gakushuu sobs. He can’t even reply. Yukio hugs him tight.

Yukio suggests that they continue to try and talk to Nanako. He doesn't really know why they can't see Nanako when they're both asleep, and Gakushuu doesn't know why either, but he doesn't want to ask Dad. 

Gakushuu doesn't know if Hulk and Bruce can talk to each other in their heads too, but Bruce seems to know what Hulk is thinking sometimes and he can tell when Hulk is awake, so Gakushuu figures they probably can.

They write letters to her which they hide in their special letter keeping place. Gakushuu's not sure if Nanako can find them, but Yukio reminds him that he found the letters too, and that Nanako should be able to because they are technically all part of one person.

Which is weird, because Yukio doesn't seem like the same person as Gakushuu at all. He says that Dad isn’t actually his parent. 

So they write letters - Gakushuu tells Nanako how school went, and Nanako writes back and tells Gakushuu how training went. Nanako tells him about their bruises and how they got them, and the names of the fight moves that Dad teaches them. Gakushuu wants to ask Nanako to help train him, but he thinks that it would be hard to do, through the letters.

And then, they find out that Nanako… is a girl! 

Gakushuu and Yukio are shocked.

‘There is a girl in my head!”

He looks at himself in the mirror. He can’t picture what Nanako looks like, at all!

He has short hair. Does Nanako have short hair? The girls in his and Ren’s class normally have long hair, but it’s okay for them to keep it as short as his too, right?

“Why is she a girl?” Gakushuu presses his hands to his face, embarrassed.

Yukio sounds partly surprised, and partly amused. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t understand this at all,” Gakushuu wails.

“Well, if we’re all different people, it doesn’t really matter, does it?” Yukio says. 

“Yeah…’ Gakushuu’s face burns. “But… but does she… use the toilet?”

Yukio… is silent. 

And then Gakushuu feels embarrassment unfurl in his gut, twofold.

“We-el,” Yukio coughs. “Um. I don’t. Um. If you think about it, I use the toilet, and I’m not… you… either…”

Gakushuu's eyes widen in horror. “You’re not allowed to use the toilet from now on too.”

“Gakushuu!”

Nanako laughs at the both of them.

She writes, “hahaha,” in big capital letters that are falling off the line with a shaky pen. 

Gakushuu burns red when he sees it.

“It’s not weird to me,” Nanako writes. “This body is my body, too.”

That makes Gakushuu go back to look in the mirror. There are old scars that Gakushuu used to have before… before all this ever happened. Some wounds that Yukio has gotten from the times in the cupboard. Bruises that Nanako knows, patterned up his arms and body.

(Gakushuu shivers. He puts his shirt back on.)

Yukio asks, “Gakushuu?”

“Am I my own person?” Gakushuu asks.

“...I don’t know,” Yukio says. “Are any of us?”

Gakushuu turns seven. He and Ren move one grade up.

Nanako continues training with Dad. Yukio and Ren become friends, and so Yukio is awake more often when Gakushuu is in school. Nanako doesn’t wake up in school, and Gakushuu doesn’t know if she knows if anything is happening at all, or if she wakes up not knowing what happens when she was asleep, just like how Gakushuu doesn’t know what happens when he falls asleep.

She tells them that she’s awake sometimes, when she’s not training, but she doesn’t know when. Sometimes she hears Gakushuu and Yukio talk in their head too, but she can’t really say anything.

Yukio lets her know that it took him and Gakushuu a very long time to start talking too, and they started with the letters.

Nanako writes in a letter, “I heard what you said to Yukio last time. I don’t like Dad. But I like training.”

Yukio says, “I don’t like Dad too. Sorry, Gakushuu.”

Gakushuu is the only one of them who still likes Dad. 

Yukio reminds him that Dad isn’t really his dad, since they’re different people. “Just because I’m okay with being in the cupboard, it doesn’t mean I’m going to like someone who locks me in there.” Gakushuu understands that - he doesn’t like Dad very much when Dad is mad at him, too.

Nanako says that Dad isn’t really her dad either, and that Dad isn’t a nice teacher. “He teaches me a lot. He’s very mean, though. I don’t like it.”

Gakushuu… understands that, too. Dad is a very mean teacher.

“It’s okay that you like him,” Yukio says. “He’s your dad.”

Gakushuu slowly starts to understand. 

They’re all different people, even if nobody can tell - even if it doesn’t seem like it, sometimes, because they’re all part of the same body.

Gakushuu obviously came first, and then Yukio, and then Nanako. Gakushuu doesn’t really know why they’re here, and if there are any more people coming.

It’s all very confusing. Gakushuu doesn’t really like to think about it. Nanako doesn’t really like to, either, but Yukio is always asking them questions (Gakushuu more so than Nanako.)

He watches The Incredible Hulk a few more times (even Dad says something about Gakushuu's (technically now Yukio's) obsession with the movie, but he doesn’t seem mad about it. Gakushuu thinks that Dad probably finds it funny.)

He bugs Gakushuu to ask Dad for more books and movies. Dad gives him some more superhero movies like The Incredible Hulk , which aren’t exactly what Yukio is looking for, but Nanako likes watching them, so they watch them. 

Gakushuu tells Ren, who tells him that he watches them too. Ren says he’ll like to talk to Nanako about them, and Nanako writes that she will like to talk to Ren too, but Nanako still doesn’t speak. Gakushuu wonders what her voice will sound like - will it sound like a girl? Yukio sounds a lot like him now, but they’re both boys. 

Dad also gives him some books written by the same person that wrote Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde , but they’re even harder to read and they aren’t about the same thing at all. 

Still, Yukio has fun reading them, and he tells Gakushuu all about them.

And then Gakushuu gets into a fight.

He doesn’t remember how it happens - no, he wasn’t asleep. Gakushuu was awake, but when he tries to think about it, he gets all dizzy. 

He was… no, he said… no, it was them who started… no, he doesn’t remember.

He’s on the floor, and the other people - taller than him, bigger than him - are looking down at him-

Gakushuu wakes up, and there’s blood on his arms.

It’s not his.

Ren is pulling at his shoulder, sobbing.

The other boys are on the floor - a bloody face, a twisted arm, screaming. 

Screaming, and there is a teacher running up to them, and she’s screaming too, and she calls someone.

“I didn’t do that,” Gakushuu whispers. He turns to Ren - but he’s being pulled away by the teacher, he’s looking at Gakushuu with large, scared eyed-

“I didn’t do that!” Gakushuu yells. “It was!-”

And he quickly shuts his mouth because no one is supposed to know about-

Gakushuu gets pulled into the teacher’s office. A lot of people talk about him, and someone tells him that they’re going to call his dad, and Gakushuu is scared that he’ll get in trouble because he didn’t punch the other students, but Gakushuu did, and he’s Gakushuu . 

But he doesn’t get in trouble. Dad doesn’t seem mad, which is not really what Gakushuu expects. He talks to the teachers for a very long time - Gakushuu sits outside the office on the chair, looking at his hands. His hands hurt.

There is a stain on his shirt - red, from blood. Gakushuu thinks it must be from the boy whose nose Nanako broke. It was a really bright colour just now, but it’s turning brown. 

Gakushuu looks up at the window across from him. He can see his reflection - his hair is very messy. He quickly smooths it down.

“Yukio?” He whispers in his head.

“I’m here,” Yukio says.

“Did you see what happened?”

“A little bit,” Yukio says. “Nanako hit them very hard.”

Gakushuu bites his lip.

“They were trying to hit you first, Gakushuu,” Yukio says.

“Nanako?” Gakushuu calls out.

There’s no reply.

“She must be asleep,” Yukio says.

“Maybe,” Gakushuu says. “Nanako, if you can hear me, it’s okay. Thank you for protecting me.”

Gakushuu tells Ren it was Nanako.

Ren tells him that Nanako is very scary.

“Ren,” Gakushuu whispers. “Remember? Nanako is a girl.”

“Girls are scary,” Ren protests. “My mom is scary when she’s mad.”

Gakushuu blinks at him.

“Oh, I forgot you don’t have a mom,” Ren says. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Gakushuu says. “I have Dad.”

“He’s scarier than my mom.”

“Sakakibara, Asano is on time out! You should not be speaking to him.”

“Oh, sorry.”

Then, Dad enrolls Gakushuu in a junior martial arts tournament.

Nanako is very excited about it. She writes in her letter that she can’t wait to fight. Gakushuu’s glad that she’s here, because he won’t know a single thing about what he’s doing. 

Gakushuu goes to the tournament with anxious buzzing in his brain. He talks to the other contestants - other boys his age. The tournament is split up into boys and girls, so he wonders if it’s fair that Nanako is joining the boys tournament instead.

Yukio reminds him that Gakushuu is still a boy, so it’s fine. It’s Nanako’s body, too.

The other boys are excited, and they tell Gakushuu about their own training - the moves that they learn. Gakushuu nods like he understands, but really, he’s just counting on Nanako to take them through.

He makes a new friend - someone named Tsubara, who goes to a different school. He shakes Gakushuu’s hand as he bounces on his feet. 

And then Gakushuu closes his eyes, and then he wakes up - three hours later - and people are cheering his name.

Gakushuu blinks in surprise. Tsubara is bouncing up and down next to him. “Congrats, congrats, Gakushuu!”

“Oh,” Gakushuu says. “I won?”

“What?! Of course you did!” Tsubara’s eyes shine. “You’re so cool, Gakushuu!”

“Uh… thanks,” Gakushuu says. He feels a little bad - because it was Nanako who won, but everyone is giving their praises to Gakushuu. He doesn’t know a thing - how to fight, how to stand! It’s Nanako who does.

He gets a trophy, and then he gets ushered out to where all the parents are. The other kids he talked to waved to him, Tsubara gives him a hug, and Gakushuu spots Dad in the crowd, arms crossed over his chest.

“Dad,” Gakushuu says. 

“Good job,” Dad says.

Gakushuu’s face burns with embarrassment, because Nanako deserves that thanks a lot more.

She tells him that she doesn't mind. “I like fighting,” Nanako says. “And winning. I don’t need a trophy to know that I am the best.”

“You’re very scary, Nanako,” Gakushuu writes sincerely to her. “Ren thinks so, too.”

“Aww,” Nanako says. “Thank you.”

“That’s not a compliment,” Yukio says.

“I think you’re a nerd,” Nanako writes to him.

Yukio gasps. They have heard that word being said in school. Someone called Yukio a nerd because he was trying to read one of Dad’s books. 

“You are a nerd,” Gakushuu agrees.

Yukio huffs at him.

And then one day, when Gakushuu wakes up after training, he finds himself unusually tired. His limbs ache but in a different way, and he goes to take a cold shower, but he still feels unusually warm.

He heads to the kitchen for some water, and Dad is there. He takes one look at Gakushuu and suddenly picks him up! 

“Dad!” Gakushuu says, surprised.

“You’re burning up,” Dad says. 

“What does that mean?” Gakushuu says.

“You’re sick. You have a fever.” Dad frowns at him - but he doesn’t look mad at Gakushuu. He lets Gakushuu have his drink of water, and then gives him some medicine to eat, and then brings Gakushuu back to his room and tells him to take a nap.

Gakushuu does feel tired… more so than after Nanako’s training normally makes him feel… and his limbs ache…  he’s yawning. Dad says the medicine is supposed to make him drowsy, and Gakushuu asks what drowsy means, and Dad says it means sleepy. Then he draws the curtains and tells Gakushuu to go to sleep.

Gakushuu wakes up in his bedroom, and he knows he’s dreaming, because Yukio is on the bed next to him, a hand on his head. 

“I’m not sick in our head, Yukio,” Gakushuu says. 

“You feel normal,” Yukio dutifully informs him.

“Thanks,” Gakushuu says, sitting up- oh! There’s someone else here!

Standing in the middle of the room-

Gakushuu gasps.

It’s a girl!

(Gakushuu already knew she was a girl - but actually seeing it is so much different!) 

Nanako - short, messy red hair, bright eyes. 

“Hi!” Gakushuu blurts, surprised.

She startles, blinking. “Oh, hi.”

"Um…" Gakushuu doesn't know what to do. Yukio is seated ramrod straight, blinking quickly, like he didn’t notice Nanako either.

Gakushuu extends a hand. "I'm Gakushuu."

She grasps his hand in hers. "I'm Nanako."

She is a little bit taller than him. Not like Yukio, who’s even shorter than Gakushuu. Her grip is strong.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Gakushuu says.

Nanako blinks at him… and then smiles.

Nanako

Red Apple

When he gets better and goes back to school, Gakushuu tells Ren all about her!

“She’s not very scary at all,” he says. “She’s very nice.”

“She can beat up three people, Gakushuu,” Ren informs him.

“But technically it was me who beat up three people,” Gakushuu says.

Ren sticks out his tongue at him. “You can’t even open a cupboard door.”

Gakushuu tells him, “you’re very annoying.”

“I’m your best friend, Gakushuu,” Ren reminds him. “You can’t get rid of me.”

Nanako still doesn’t come out very much during school. She says that it’s not very interesting for her. Even though they can talk now, she still doesn’t stay awake very often, so Gakushuu and Yukio are still speaking the most.

Nanako says she can hear them sometimes even if she’s not awake, so Gakushuu and Yukio still talk to her. They still write letters, because it’s easier for Nanako to write to them before she goes back to sleep after training.

They watch more movies together, and sometimes Dad even watches them too, which Gakushuu thinks is the best part. Yukio and Nanako still don’t really like Dad very much, but Gakushuu thinks that’s okay.

And then , Dad meets Ren! 

That part is very scary. Ren tells Gakushuu that his dad is even scarier than Nanako.

Ren doesn’t say anything about Yukio or Nanako, and Dad says hi to Ren’s Mom while Ren and Gakushuu wait for them at the school gate. 

Later on that Saturday, Dad brings Gakushuu over to Ren’s house! They spend the day together and watch some movies, and even Yukio and Nanako are awake with them. Ren has to call them all Gakushuu , and when he asks Yukio or Nanako a question, Gakushuu has to answer for them.

At the end of the day, Dad and Ren’s Mom and Dad shake hands, and Dad drives them home.

“Do you know who the Sakakibaras are, Asano?” Dad asks.

“That’s Ren’s family?” Gakushuu answers.

“Yes,” Dad says. “The Sakakibaras are one influential family. You made a good choice befriending their son.”

Gakushuu blinks up at Dad. He uses such complicated words sometimes. Yukio whispers, “that means Ren’s family is good. I think.”

“So I can keep being friends with Ren?” Gakushuu asks.

Dad smiles at him - a little thin and odd, like he’s forgotten how to smile. “Yes, you can.”

“Nanako,” Gakushuu says to her seriously. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Nanako says. “What is it?”

“I have been thinking about this for a very long time.” Gakushuu looks at her, and takes a deep breath. “How do you pee?”

“Gakushuu,” Yukio says to him, holding a pillow to his face. “You can’t ask a girl how she pees.”

Gakushuu rubs his cheeks, wincing. “I know this is a dream, but it hurts!”

“Sorry,” Nanako says, hanging her head.

“Dad?” Gakushuu tugs at his pants. “Can I ask you a question?”

“What?” Dad says.

“How do girls pee?”

“Alright,” Dad says, putting down the textbook. “Any questions.”

Gakushuu stares at his notes, and back at him. “Gross.”

Dad rolls his eyes at him. “It’s anatomy, Asano.”

Gakushuu frowns. “Does it hurt when girls pee?”

“Does it…” Dad blinks at him. “Where do you get these ideas? No, Asano, it does not hurt when girls urinate. You know what does hurt?”

“What?”

Dad taps his book. “Turn to chapter twelve.”

“Ewwww!!!”

Nanako herself looks horrified. “Oh, gross!”

Gakushuu gapes at her. “You didn’t know you’re going to-”

“Don’t say it!” Nanako claps her hands over her ears. “I don’t want to hear it!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Yukio points out. “ Gakushuu is still a boy. You’re a girl, but your body is a boy, and Gakushuu ’s not going to have a period, so you won’t have one too.”

Nanako glares at him. “How do you know?”

Yukio says cheerily, “I don’t.”

Nanako smiles at him. “I’m going to kill you if you’re wrong.”

Gakushuu sinks to the floor in defeat.

Chapter Text

Quick notes on DID information and brief explanations of my writing:

Alters come in all shapes and forms, so it is very possible to develop an alter you have disagreements and conflicts with. One common treatment method for DID is to forge good relationships between the alters and help them communicate so that the person can function as one complete whole. 

Symptoms of DID are typically described as: amnesia of certain time periods, emotional detachment, dissociation, warped perception of people and things around you, et cetera. Most people with DID do not develop co-consciousness with their alters, which is to say that they do not "share a mind" and are able to communicate in their mind with their alters. Symptoms such as hearing voices are typically not considered a symptom of DID, because most people with DID do not "hear" their alters. If they are able to communicate with their alters, it is usually at a stage where the person has awareness of their condition.

*Note on my writing: Gakushuu is co-conscious and is able to communicate with his alters. He is described as "hearing voices" and "speaking to himself" when he spaces out and communicates with them, which are typically not symptoms of DID but intended to be a more "childish" way of him conceptualizing the experience. (This description resembles psychosis, but Gakushuu is not written to have a psychotic disorder.) People with co-consciousness also do not necessarily speak out loud when communicating with their alters, but this is dramatized behavior for the sake of this story. Gakushuu is described as not being able to tell when he is speaking in his mind or out loud.

Katsuya is the fourth.

Gakushuu rounds the corner to his eighth birthday, and Dad begins spending more and more time with him now. 

He teaches Gakushuu a lot of things that he says that older kids should learn but Gakushuu can learn them faster, because he’s smarter than everyone. 

Subjects like biology and chemistry and math that make his teachers gasp in surprise and talk to Dad about moving a couple of grades up, but according to Dad, school isn’t just about learning. It’s also about “making connections”, which Yukio says is a fancier word for making friends that adults use. 

Gakushuu thinks that Dad means he needs to make more friends, because he is a little weird. Ren says he’s not weird at all, but Gakushuu knows that his classmates avoid him sometimes, especially after he beat up the three older kids and won that martial arts tournament, because they think he’s scary. Sometimes he talks to himself, and sometimes he talks in his head too much that he forgets to reply in real life, but he’s getting better than it. He can’t really practice with Ren, because Ren knows about the whole situation, and he can’t really practice with Dad either, because he doesn’t really talk to Dad. 

Dad doesn’t really talk to him either, unless it’s to teach him something. Gakushuu likes it when Dad teaches him, because Dad seems happy with him when he can keep up. And don’t get Gakushuu wrong - he likes Nanako and Yukio, and he’s great friends with them! But he likes having something that he can do well just for himself, something that Dad tells him he’s good at and he knows that he ’s good at it.

(Because he is an Asano, Dad adds.)

Gakushuu doesn’t think that’s true, because Yukio is awake with him when Dad is trying to teach them, and Yukio is just as smart as Gakushuu and he’s not technically an Asano. Gakushuu would even say that Yukio is smarter than him. Yukio says that Gakushuu has to multi-task like writing and sitting and focusing too while Yukio just has to listen and understand - but if anything, that just proves that Yukio is better at learning because things don’t make sense to Gakushuu in his head unless he writes it down.

Nanako doesn’t really care for Dad’s teachings, but she still trains with Dad. She says that their trainings are getting harder - she starts teaching Yukio and Gakushuu what to do, too, when they’re asleep together. How to hold their hands and how to hit someone hard, in case there’s an emergency and she doesn’t wake up in time. 

She says Gakushuu is better than Yukio at learning how to fight, but Yukio says that he doesn’t like fighting or exercise anyways.

Gakushuu turns eight years old at the start of the new year. Dad doesn’t celebrate his birthday with him, but Dad hasn’t really celebrated his birthday with him for a while, so Gakushuu doesn’t think much about it. 

All Dad says to him is that he has work. Gakushuu watches the fireworks from his bedroom window that night, and goes to sleep. In his dreams, Yukio and Nanako celebrate together, with long hugs and short kisses and well wishes, which is better than anything Gakushuu can ask for.

Come the new school term, Ren gives Gakushuu a present - a really nice, pretty notebook that Gakushuu can write all his notes with Yukio and Nanako in. Ren’s mom also gives him a box of sweets when she sees him after school, and Gakushuu can’t wait to eat them.

And then Gakushuu finds out why his Dad is so busy. 

He built an entire school! 

He takes Gakushuu to it one day after his school. Gakushuu is so surprised - it’s way bigger than his elementary school!

His surprise wakes up both Yukio and Nanako, who are both amazed as well. Dad brings him around, and they meet a lot of people who speak to Dad and wave to Gakushuu and tell him how cute he is.

Dad brings him to an office room and asks him to go to a couch, and he gives Gakushuu a little packet of crackers to snack on. Gakushuu makes sure not to spill any of it. 

More people come into the office room and they all smile at Gakushuu. Gakushuu smiles back. They all look like Dad, with their neat pressed suits and slick combed hair and files in their hands.

Three people come sit with Gakushuu on the couch. They ask him questions like how old he is and what his name is, and Gakushuu answers all of them as politely as he can. He catches Dad looking at him from where he is standing, but Dad doesn’t seem upset. 

And then everyone has to go, and two different people come over to pat Gakushuu’s head. One person gives him a little piece of candy, which Gakushuu gives to Dad.

“I hope you’re not spoiling my son’s appetite, Mr Yoshida,” Dad says, picking Gakushuu up with an arm. 

“Of course not, Mr Asano,” the candy-giving man says to Dad. 

Dad ruffles Gakushuu’s hair, the very same way that everyone else has that day, and Gakushuu clings onto him extra long. 

Middle school, Dad tells Gakushuu, is where he’ll be going in a few years. He says he’s the principal there. Gakushuu thinks of the elementary school principal - the old man with the long moustache and the grey hair - and laughs a little to himself. 

Gakushuu knows that Yukio and Nanako won’t agree, but he thinks the best part of all of this is, really, spending more time with Dad. Gakushuu gets to go to Dad’s school with him after elementary school, and sit together in his office. Dad is busy all the time, though, and he doesn’t really pay much attention to Gakushuu even if they’re in the same room, but Gakushuu gets to work on his homework and his sums and Dad gives him new worksheets to do. Nanako likes to explore the new school, but she mostly stays asleep when Gakushuu and Yukio are doing work.

Sometimes Dad lets Gakushuu explore, which are the most fun times, and all three of them are awake. Gakushuu can remember the names and faces of the people he meets, but he doesn’t really know which hallway leads to what room - Yukio does, though, because he has a better memory. Nanako points out some cool hiding spots that they try to get to when no one is around. 

They’re only caught once by a janitor, just as they’re about to climb onto a tiny ledge so that they can get to a hole in the ceiling. He laughs at Gakushuu and calls him an adventurous little boy, but he also says that he won’t tell Gakushuu’s dad about it, so Gakushuu likes him. 

He makes many new friends - no one his age, because other than Ren, his classmates in his class still think he’s a little odd and scary and they like to laugh at him for talking to himself. But he meets people who are a lot older than him, which he learns are teachers and staff in Dad’s new school, and he also meets some middle school students, who wave at him in the hallways and buy him snacks from the vending machine.

He tells Ren about it, and Ren tells his parents who must tell Dad about it, and one day Ren gets to visit the school too with his parents. Yukio tells Ren about the places to go and Nanako tells Ren about all the cool hiding spots they found. Dad gives Gakushuu a “good job” with networking, which Yukio explains means another fancy word for making friends. Dad explains that it is good for him to talk to more influential people - he’s disappointed that Gakushuu only has Ren as a friend, and he points out some of his classmates that Gakushuu should talk to more, but those people don’t really want to sit with Gakushuu anymore after the fight. Gakushuu doesn’t tell Dad that, though, because Dad might get mad at him if Gakushuu admits to not being able to do something that he wants him to do,

But all in all, Gakushuu likes the new school, and Yukio and Nanako like it too. Gakushuu almost dares think that it’s the best thing that has happened since Dad started locking him in the cupboard all those years ago.

And then Katsuya shows up.

Gakushuu knows what it feels like now - that feeling, waking up not knowing where he is, a feeling at the bottom of his stomach that makes him want to throw up.

And it has something to do with Dad, too - the cupboard, and the training, and now…

Gakushuu barely remembers it at first - he’s not fully asleep, because he feels the weight of his legs trying to keep him standing. Yukio and Nanako are awake too,, and they aren’t usually awake when Gakushuu is taking to Dad alone without work or training happening. 

He’s drifting in and out of trying to stay awake and he can barely hear Dad, as if Dad is yelling at him from somewhere really far away.

Gakushuu blinks, he can barely focus on Dad’s face.

Dad snaps, “Asano!” 

Gakushuu jumps, and he blinks very quickly again until Dad looks clearer. He looks angry. “Are you listening to me?”

Gakushuu wants to say yes, he was trying to listen, but he didn’t really hear anything, and if he says yes and Dad asks him what he said, Gakushuu might get in trouble for lying. Yukio is saying something to Gakushuu but it doesn’t really make sense and Gakushuu can’t really focus on what he’s saying, Nanako is quiet but Gakushuu can still feel her.

Dad looks angrier now, and Gakushuu realizes he didn’t reply him - he keeps doing that, speaking in his head and not out loud, which is why no one wants to be his friend anymore. 

“No,” Gakushuu mumbles.

Then Dad says more words again, and Gakushuu tries to pay better attention, but he blinks and blinks and Dad is blurry-

“Asano!” Dad snaps, and suddenly his voice is super loud and super close! 

Gakushuu startles with a hiccup, and then another, and then he blinks again and it’s blurry again and oh, no, he’s crying. Dad hates it when he cries. He always tells Gakushuu to stop and be better-

“Are you seriously throwing a tantrum about this?” Dad sounds disappointed. Gakushuu can’t see his face again.

About what? Gakushuu didn’t even know what he said. Dad just scared him when he suddenly yelled!

Yukio is saying something. Nanako is saying something too, she’s softer than Yukio, and she sounds further away than he is-

“-don’t think I didn’t notice,” Dad says. Notice what? Does he know about Yukio and Nanako? Does he-

“-poorly in school I hear that your classmates are-”

What? 

“-I’ll have to teach you about it.”

The word teach makes Gakushuu focus a little bit more. Dad wants to teach him something else? He blinks again and again, and Dad looks clearer, but Gakushuu feels wobbly.

“Why don’t we talk about this tomorrow?” Dad says.

Gakushuu feels tired again. He doesn’t fall asleep, though. He goes back to his room.

Yukio and Nanako are still trying to speak and Gakushuu still can’t hear them, so he sits in the bathroom with his knees pulled to his chest. 

Yukio wakes up fully first, sounding closer to Gakushuu, more like himself. “Gakushuu?” Yukio says. “What was he saying?”

“I don’t know,” Gakushuu mumbles.

Nanako wakes up fully a while later. She didn’t hear what Dad was saying, either.

Gakushuu’s head hurts.

Dad tries to talk to him the next day. He starts by saying that he has very important things to tell Gakushuu, and then he asks, “do you know what is the most important quality a person should have?”

Gakushuu wrings his hands together. “Um…”

“Smart,” Yukio whispers to him.

“Strong,” Nanako offers.

“Smart and strong?” Gakushuu tries.

Dad raises an eyebrow. “Very good,” he says. “Those are two very important qualities, Asano.”

Gakushuu, who wasn’t actually the one who answered it, doesn’t know what else to say.

“But do you know why that’s important, Asano?” Dad says. “Do you know why you have to be strong?”

“N-no,” Gakushuu says.

“Because,” Dad says, “if you’re not strong in this world, you’ll die .”

It takes a longer while this time for Nanako to stop crying. That’s because Gakushuu is crying with her. 

Yukio is the one who takes over when Gakushuu feels like throwing up. He doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t want to die! 

“You’re not going to,” Yukio says firmly. “You’re strong, Gakushuu!”

But Gakushuu’s still scared, and Nanako was still distressed, so they stay half-awake in their dream. Yukio takes over for the day, and of course Dad doesn’t notice.

“Gakushuu’s dad was very mean yesterday,” Yukio whispers to Ren at school. “Gakushuu and Nanako aren’t feeling very well today, so I’m awake instead.”

“That’s okay,” Ren whispers back. “Would it help if I give you a hug?”

Yukio pauses. “Yes, please.”

Gakushuu doesn’t feel a hug, but Nanako hugs him, and he feels that he knows Ren cares about him. 

Dad says, “have you thought about what I said to you, Asano?”

Gakushuu fidgets under his hard gaze. “Yes.”

Dad smiles at him, in the way that makes that same uncomfortable feeling from yesterday return to Gakushuu’s stomach. “And what have we learnt?”

“That…. Um…” 

Yukio and Nanako are awake and silent. They’re both nervous, their anxiety poking at the edge of Gakushuu’s awareness, making his head spin. “Uh…. um…”

Dad clicks his tongue, brows furrowing. “Now, now. Stand up straight.”

“Um-”

“Look at someone when you address them. It’s professional.”

“Y-yes-”

“What did I teach you yesterday? Is it important to be weak, or strong?”

“S-strong-”

“Don’t stammer. It’s unbecoming. If you must, have a moment to think through and make sure your reply is clear before you speak.”

“...okay.”

“Speak up. People can’t listen to you if they can’t hear you.”

“Okay.”

“What did I say about your posture?”

Gakushuu straightens up. 

He looks at Dad with wide, frightened eyes. Dad hums as he stares at Gakushuu, a hand on his chin. “Now, answer me this. How do you tell if a person is strong?”

Gakushuu bites his lip. What answer did Dad want? Yukio shows Gakushuu confusion as well.

Dad sighs like he’s upset at Gakushuu, and Gakushuu winces. “Do you know what first impressions are, Asano?”

Gakushuu nods. “It’s what you think of a person when you first see them.”

“That’s correct,” Dad says. “Your first impression on people have to be good, otherwise they will think badly of you.” Then, “I hear from your teacher that you aren’t very social at school, Asano. Why is that?”

Gakushuu freezes. “Um… uh…”

“What did I say about stammering?”

“...” Gakushuu drops his head. “They think I’m… weird.”

Dad’s gaze sharpens. “And why is that?”

“...” 

“Well,” Dad says. “I suppose we have to work on your… everything. You have turned eight recently, so I trust that you are old enough to understand my lessons now. We will begin tomorrow. You’re dismissed.”

Gakushuu blinks back tears from his eyes. Dad is scary today, and he’s not sure if he’s looking forward to these new lessons. “Yes, Dad.”

Dad looks up like he’s just remembered something, and raises a hand. “Ah, yes. One more thing.”

Dad tells Gakushuu to call him “Sir.” Or “Sensei”, or “Principal”. 

Gakushuu doesn’t understand. Does Dad not want to be his dad anymore?

The rest of the week go by quickly - Gakushuu goes to his school in the morning, and goes to Dad’s school in the afternoon. At night, after dinner, Dad calls him into his office and teaches Gakushuu how to be good.

Gakushuu has to stand up straight and look ahead and smile and speak loudly and without a stammer or a hesitation, he has to walk properly too and not stare into blank space and answer when asked, and not fidget and not flinch and not look down because it shows weakness and if Gakushuu is weak he will die -

Yukio tried staying awake instead of Gakushuu once, but he doesn’t usually spend so much time at once with Dad with all the focus and pressure on him, and he became very overwhelmed. It was the first time Gakushuu had seen Yukio so emotional, which made Dad more upset and angry, which made Yukio even more emotional-

Gakushuu had to take over again, and Yukio had fallen asleep until the next day.

Nanako doesn’t try, and she isn’t awake all the time, because it makes her very tired and very emotional to hear Dad as well.

After that one time, Yukio gets more distressed whenever Dad starts his lessons, so Gakushuu says that he can go to sleep if he wants to.

“Are you sure?” Yukio mumbles, guilty.

“I’ll be fine,” Gakushuu says. “I like spending time with Dad.” It comes out far more unconvincing than Gakushuu hoped it would. Yukio frowns at him like he doesn’t believe Gakushuu, but he flinches when Dad calls them in.

“You and Nanako are always taking care of me when I run into something I can’t handle,” Gakushuu says. “Let me take care of the both of you, too.”

That’s a lie because Gakushuu doesn’t even feel like he can take care of himself. 

One day Dad comes back smiling, and he says to Gakushuu, “I’m hearing good things from your teachers.”

Gakushuu looks at him with wide eyes and says, “yes, sir?”

“They’re saying you have grown a lot more confident and outspoken at school,” Dad says, nodding, and did Gakushuu dare say, Dad almost seemed proud of him? 

Gakushuu perks up a little straighter. 

Dad tilts his head. “You haven’t made friends other than Sakakibara… but he is a good contact, and we can work on your socialization skills. No point in interacting with people who aren’t useful, hm?”

...Useful?

“Well then,” Dad says, and he smiles, and Gakushuu gets a chill right down to the bone. “I suppose it’s time we start the next part of our lesson.”

“I’m so scared of Dad, Ren.”

“Gakushuu?” Ren pats his head. “What happened?”

Gakushuu looks left and right - he has to make sure no teachers are around. He drops his voice to a whisper. “He’s so… mean , Ren.”

“What?”

“Dad used to be…” Gakushuu swallows. “He used to be nice, Ren. He used to hug me and carry me around a lot and he used to say that we have to be nice to people. Now, he’s…” Locking me in the cupboard. Yelling at me. Not hugging him or reading him bedtime stories or telling Gakushuu that he loves him. “...he doesn’t even want me to call him Dad anymore.”

Ren frowns. “Yeah. You told me that already.”

“And yesterday!” Gakushuu presses his hands to his eyes. He can’t cry, because he’s supposed to be strong , and crying is weak , and if he’s weak he will die .

“He told me I shouldn’t be nice to people anymore.”

“Shouldn’t be nice?” Ren gapes. “Like, to everyone?”

Gakushuu bites his lip, and nods. “I don’t really understand it… it’s really confusing.”

Ren drops his hand. “Oh…”

“But he still said that we can be friends!” Gakushuu says. He quickly grabs for Ren’s hand. “Please don’t go.”

“I’m here with you,” Ren tells him. “Your dad is just… odd…”

Gakushuu sighs. “Yeah.”

“It’s like this pyramid, over here,” Dad says, tapping the edge of the pyramid he made out of really small glasses. “Do you see how this is made?”

“Yeah,” Gakushuu answers. “It’s all balanced.”

“That’s right.” Dad says. “Now, which one do you think is the best place to be on the pyramid?”

“...The top?”

“Well, of course it is. So you have to be here, at the top,” Dad says, tapping the topmost glass. It wobbles, a little. “Remember our little lesson yesterday? What are the two types of people, Asano?”

“...Strong and weak.”

“That’s right. The weak people are all at the bottom of the pyramid. You never want to be at the bottom, Asano, look at them,” he taps a glass at the side of the bottommost layer of glasses. “They are stuck here, forced to carry the weight of everything on top of them, never being able to move. Wouldn’t it be terrible, to be trapped with the weak?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes, but today’s lesson isn’t just about that,” Dad says. He smiles at Gakushuu, and the bad feeling swirling in Gakushuu’s stomach multiplies tenfold. “Let me give you an example, Asano. You have to listen to what your teacher says, because she is stronger than you, correct?”

Gakushuu nods.

“Your teacher tells you and your classmates what to do, and you all follow her instructions. Correct?”

Gakushuu wonders where this is going. He nods again.

“Let’s say, one of your classmates misbehaves. What happens?”

“...It becomes noisy.”

“Yes, exactly, the environment is disrupted. Imagine now you were at the top, there, like your teacher, and the people under you didn't listen to you. What do you think will happen?"

"It will… be… dis-rup-tive."

"Mhm," Dad says. "In fact, even though you are at the top, if anything else in this pyramid is not behaving-"

And suddenly Dad snatches a glass from the bottom and the whole glass pyramid comes crashing down!

Gakushuu screams, jumping backwards, and Dad picks him up by the collar before he falls on his back, and sets him down on his feet.

"Everything," Dad says, and he pushes the only unbroken glass (the one he took) left into Gakushuu's hands. "Is broken."

Gakushuu swallows.

"Which is why, when you're strong at the top," Dad says, "you have to control everyone weak at the bottom."

"Gakushuu?" Nanako is worried. "You seem upset. What did your dad say?"

Gakushuu rubs at his eyes. "I don't want to talk about it."

Dad continues his lessons.

He continues to teach Gakushuu about things that make his stomach turn - about the strong and the weak and the crushing of. 

He talks about dying and killing too much, and he talks about Gakushuu dying and killing too much for Gakushuu to like it. 

He doesn’t want to die! But he doesn’t want to kill anyone either! And Dad is always saying he has to do one or the other ( If you don’t learn to beat others to the ground, they’ll be your death instead ) and Gakushuu doesn’t think that’s true… is it? There are plenty of people who have never killed someone but they’re still alive, right?

Surely Dad meant it more like an idiom, or a metaphor. 

It’s not a very nice metaphor. 

The first time Gakushuu falls asleep during one of Dad's lessons, he panics.

Gakushuu wakes up.

“Yukio? Nanako?” He asks, confused. 

Yukio is awake now. “Gakushuu? Is that you?”

“Yeah,” Gakushuu says. “I fell asleep. Did you or-”

“I tried calling for you,” Yukio said. “...you didn’t respond.”

“It wasn’t me,” Gakushuu says, brows furrowed. “Nanako?”

“She’s not awake now,” Yukio says. “We can ask her later.”

“Yeah,” Gakushuu says, lip curling at the pit in his stomach. “It didn’t feel like Nanako, though.”

“Ah, shit,” Yukio says.

Nanako wakes up later that evening, disoriented and overwhelmed. She’s sobbing again, and her words are jumbled, so Gakushuu has to sit in the bathroom quietly with Yukio to calm her down. 

When her thoughts are clearer she starts to speak, but she cannot really explain her sudden terrible mood. “I was half-awake, but then I suddenly felt really, really uncomfortable and sick even more than usual.”

Yukio is silent as he thinks. “We need to be more careful, the next time Dad talks to us,” he says.

Gakushuu starts, "do you think…." and falls silent.

"Maybe," Yukio says.

Gakushuu falls asleep a second time.

He immediately goes for his notebook and scrawls a letter on it. Hello, my name is Gakushuu. What's yours? How are you? 

He pauses, because he feels like there should be more he should write, but he doesn’t know what to say.

Two days later, Yukio and Nanako have woken up separately to write their own greetings in the notebook, but no mysterious fourth person has left any messages. 

Gakushuu has fallen asleep once since then during Dad’s lessons (the other one he stayed awake for as Dad scolded him about his posture and the way he spoke.)

He tells Ren.

Ren looks… terrified. He tugs at Gakushuu’s arm. “A new person? Oh no.”

“Yeah,” Gakushuu says. He puts his head in his hands. 

“Gakushuu,” Ren says, sliding up to him, eyes watery and worried. “What does this mean?”

“Yukio came out because I was in the cupboard all the time, and Yukio is quiet. Nanako came out when I was training, and she likes to fight. This new person comes out when Dad is trying to teach me to be…”

“...evil,” Ren says.

Gakushuu shoots him a look.

“He told you that you should kill people who score less than you in math.”

“...I don’t think he actually meant that.”

“Gakushuu, you score full marks in math.”

“...he probably didn’t mean that literally.”

“Ren’s right,” Yukio says. “We have to be careful of who this new person is. They could be dangerous.”

“I agree,” Nanako says. She rubs her stomach. “They always make me feel terrible.”

Gakushuu frowns. “But we don’t know anything about them.”

“What if they really are bad?”

“You both also made me uncomfortable when you two first came,” Gakushuu says. “I didn’t understand anything and I felt bad all the time. I think we should wait until we meet them to see what they’re like.”

Yukio watches him for a moment, lips pursed, and then he says, “are you sure, Gakushuu?”

It feels different, somehow, from Yukio and Nanako. Maybe it’s because Dad’s doing different things, maybe it’s because he’s older, maybe it’s because he already has experience. Gakushuu doesn’t know. 

He knows Ren and Yukio makes sense… but he doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. They thought Nanako was scary and violent at first, too, but she turned out to be really nice. 

And he doesn’t want to make anyone feel unwelcome in his head by thinking bad of them. Everyone in school avoids Gakushuu without having even talked to him before, which he really hates, and he doesn’t want to dislike the new person before they’ve even met.

Gakushuu just shrugs. Yukio and Nanako exchange a look.

The lessons with Dad grow longer and more complicated, but Gakushuu understands what he means with it all.

Point one: it was important to be a strong person. He had to be able to do everything and not rely on other people, he had to be smart and fit and good at things. This is so that other people can’t take advantage of him, or try to defeat him. If he was weak, he would be a target for bullies. 

Gakushuu kind of understands that, he thinks. Before Nanako showed up, the older students would make fun of how he always talked to himself (sometimes Gakushuu found it hard to tell when he was talking to Yukio in his head or out loud) and stare off into an empty wall (because he was concentrating on the inside of his brain and not the outside world). But Nanako beat them up, and proved that Gakushuu was strong, and now they didn’t bother him anymore.

Point two: once you are strong, it’s important to control the people who are weak. It’s like being a leader, when you have more power over someone, so you could make them do what they told you to do. It’s important to make them do things that are good for you.

Gakushuu understands this a little bit, because he’s a kid and he has to listen to what his teacher says. His teacher has to listen to the principal, and the principal has to listen to the government, and the government has to listen to the… uh… prime minister, and the prime minister has to listen to the… uh… well, the prime minister was all the way at the top. And he told people what to do so that Japan could be a good country. Dad just sounded really weird when he talks about all this. Gakushuu is worried about him.

Point three: you have to make sure the weak people stay weaker than you. Once you were strong, you were at the top, but there was a chance that the people who are weak would be stronger than you. So you had to make sure that they stay at the bottom of the pyramid.

Gakushuu… doesn’t understand this at all. If he’s weak now, and he’s trying to be strong, but all the strong people are trying to make him stay weak, how is he ever going to become strong? He doesn’t ask Dad because Dad is always in a bad mood, but Gakushuu secretly thinks it’s a little stupid. 

That, and Dad is always weird when he says it. Gakushuu doesn’t think he’ll kill someone, but he always sounds like he’s an evil scientist in a cartoon talking about it. But worse, and real, and much much scarier. He hates it, and Yukio and Nanako hate it, and it gives them all bad feelings.

Gakushuu can stay awake by himself when Dad talks about point one and two. The tenth time Gakushuu wakes up to point three, he writes a second letter.

Dear, whoever you are. Hi, my name is Gakushuu Asano. Me, Yukio and Nanako want to say hi!

It goes missing.

Gakushuu searches high and low for it in case Dad found it, turning apart his room. 

He finds it torn to shreds, wedged in between the pages of his English dictionary book.

Gakushuu checks for the first letter. It’s still there, in its original spot, and he quickly rips it away and flushes it down the toilet.

The students at his Dad’s middle school - Kunugigaoka, it’s called Kunugigaoka - treat Gakushuu better than his school friends do, and there is a group of them that waves to him when they see him. Today, they call him over.

“You look bummed out,” one of them - Saki - says. “What’s wrong, principal junior?”

“I didn’t sleep well, that’s all,” Gakushuu says. 

Naiko says, “you know, a warm glass of milk always puts me right to sleep!”

“A warm glass of milk?” “Pft, are you a baby?” “Does mama tuck you into bed, too?”

“Shut up, you guys!”

Despite his unhappy thoughts, Gakushuu giggles. 

“For real, though,” Kiyoko says. “A nice warm drink - not coffee - might help. Or maybe ask your father to get you a weighted blanket.”

“Thank you,” Gakushuu says.

“What do you do when you can’t sleep?” Naiko says.

Gakushuu hesitates. He can’t say he talks to Yukio and Nanako. “I write letters.”

“Ohh,” Jin says. “To who?”

“Um… no one…”

“No one, huh,” Naiko nudges him. The students giggle amongst each other again, and Gakushuu can feel Nanako awake and about, curiously listening in.

Gakushuu blinks, embarrassed. “Please don’t tell my Dad.”

“Your secret is safe with us, Principal junior,” Saki says.

“What’s a weighted blanket?” Nanako asks.

“It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to talk to you two last time,” Nanako said. “I was also trying to understand things. If you feel like you’re falling asleep only during Training, to me, it felt like I was only awake during training.” She pauses. “But I would listen to you two talk about falling asleep and being awake, and then slowly I understood what was happening to me.”

“We tried writing the letters,” Yukio says, sounding frustrated. “But they were torn up.”

“Maybe we need to talk to them in another way,” Gakushuu says. 

“Maybe we can ask Ren for help again,” Yukio says. “I don’t know for what, but-”

“That’s it,” Gakushuu catches onto that idea. “We need someone else to talk to the new person.”

“The only person that sees them is…” Yukio shakes his head. “No. Absolutely not.”

“Please?”

“Sir, can I ask for help?” Gakushuu says.

Dad sounds confused. “What about?”

“After our lesson later, can you remind me to write a note?”

“What note?”

“...About… homework.”

Dad raises an eyebrow. “You want me to remind you to write yourself a note about homework?”

Gakushuu nods. “Yes.”

“...of course,” Dad says. “Shall we continue?”

Gakushuu wakes up a few hours later. The note on his table says, 

To Gakushuu, Gakushuu, and Gakushuu

Do your homework.

Then,

Don’t get in my way.

Gakushuu tears this one up by himself.

Gakushuu tries to stay awake, the next time. Dad keeps speaking. Gakushuu feels something fuzzy in his head, and he tries to blink back the odd feelings. Yukio is still faintly awake, Nanako is asleep, and Gakushuu wants to throw up. 

“May I be excused to the bathroom?” Gakushuu manages.

He runs to the toilet in his room. He almost gets down on the floor, but he vaguely thinks, that’s Yukio’s thing. 

He looks in the mirror.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

He closes his eyes.

What are you doing?

Dad is probably wondering what he’s doing. 

The principal is waiting .

What?

Principal Asano is waiting.

Gakushuu tries not to fall asleep.

He wakes up.

Leave me alone.

Gakushuu tries not to fall asleep.

He wakes up.

You are weak and stupid.

Gakushuu tries not to fall asleep.

He wakes up.

You don’t know anything.

Gakushuu tries not to fall asleep-

Stop that is written in big bold font on the letter stuck above Gakushuu’s table. It’s prim, straight handwriting, the paper is torn from what must be angry scratching at it, and there is the sharp point of a pen stabbed into the fabric of Gakushuu’s chair.

My name is Katsuya .

Gakushuu meets her that night.

Katsuya

Triumph over, father

Katsuya is-

“Evil,” Ren says.

“She is not evil ,” Gakushuu says.

“She is evil,” Ren repeats. “Yukio told me about her already.”

Gakushuu sighs. “She is not evil,” he repeats. He points to his head. “She might be listening right now.”

Ren claps his hand over his mouth.

Gakushuu rests his cheek on his hand. “She just likes calling me names.”

“Like all our classmates?” Ren says.

“Like Dad,” Gakushuu says.

They stare at each other.

They met her at night, when they are all dreaming together. 

Katsuya has long dark hair, sharp eyes, and she is ripping up a note.

It’s the note that Gakushuu, Yukio and Nanako have written to her. Well, it’s not really the note, because they’re dreaming.

“You’re crazy,” Katsuya says, her voice loud, and Nanako claps her hands over her ears. She swivels on Gakushuu. “You’re crazy .”

Gakushuu winces. “What?” He says, immediately defensive - Ren is not here to protect him, not like when his classmates say the same thing to him in school. Katsuya sounds very much like them. “No, I’m not.”

“Nobody writes letters to themselves,” Katsuya hisses. The letter in her hands - it was torn, now it’s whole again, and she starts tearing it up again. “Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. ”

“Stop that,” Yukio says, sharply. 

“The Principal called you crazy,” Katsuya says. “ Are you out of your mind, Asano? Writing a letter to yourself? Crazy, crazy, crazy-”

“Stop,” Gakushuu protests. “I’m sorry. We really wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t think of anything else. We-”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Katsuya says.

“Please?” Gakushuu takes one step forward. “We’re all living together here. It will be much easier if we speak to each other and work together-”

“You’re weak,” she bitterly snaps. Gakushuu flinches. 

“Remember?" She says. "The weak die.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Yukio says. 

Katsuya glares at him.

“We’re all here and part of the same body,” Yukio says. “This is Gakushuu’s body. If something happens to one of us, it happens to all of us. If one of us die, we all die, so don't go trying anything.”

Katsuya crosses her arms. It makes her look a lot like Dad… in a bad way. 

“Fine,” she says.

Gakushuu tries to smile. “I hope we can get along.”

Katsuya says, “we should kill your classmates.”

Gakushuu looks up, surprised. “What?!”

“Asano?” 

Gakushuu jumps. “Uh?”

“Anything to share with the class?”

Gakushuu shakes his head. “No, ma’am.” Around him, his classmates laugh. Gakushuu continues sitting up straight, even though he wants to sink into the floor. 

Katsuya is… surprisingly active and awake, more than Nanako and Yukio were at first. She keeps talking like what Dad tries to teach him. It makes Gakushuu think of Yukio’s comparison between them and whatever Dad does - and that means Katsuya must be strong because Dad is trying to teach him to be strong, with all that dying and killing metaphors. 

Gakushuu hates those metaphors.

Gakushuu wishes she’ll stop.

It makes Gakushuu feel like Dad is with him, standing behind his shoulder and staring down at everything he does, talking about strong and weak and dying and killing like he’s serious. He’s not serious, right? Gakushuu can’t tell, but it’s scary. It scares him.

He hates it. He hates it.

Yukio and Nanako disappear when Katsuya is out and Gakushuu wishes he could go to sleep as well, but the idea of letting Katsuya be at school without one of them makes Gakushuu feel bad. He doesn’t want to think that Katsuya is going to hurt someone, but she keeps talking about it, because his classmates are weaker than him.

“Technically, I’m weaker than them,” Gakushuu tries to persuade her.

“Which is why, to get stronger, you have to beat them,” Katsuya says.

Gakushuu covers his ears with his hands. It doesn’t work. “I’m not listening to you. Dad doesn’t mean it literally. It’s just a metaphor.”

Katsuya lashes out, shattering a tower of glass. It rings loud in his head, just like the pyramid of glasses, making his ears ache. Gakushuu buries his head in his hands.

“Gakushuu?” Ren comes to him after class. “You okay?”

“Weak,” Katsuya says.

Gakushuu sighs. “No. Katsuya woke up halfway during class.”

“Oh,” Ren says. “Um. Hi.”

Katsuya stays silent.

“She says hi,” Gakushuu lies.

Katsuya hisses at him. It makes Gakushuu’s head hurt. 

“She’s just been saying mean things all morning,” Gakushuu says. “I can’t really pay attention.”

Ren’s eyes flash in worry. “Mean things, like what your dad is saying?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh…” Ren fidgets. “Is she saying anything about me?”

Gakushuu shakes his head - ouch. “No.”

Ren frowns. “What does your dad usually say about me?”

That… makes something click in his head. “He tells me you’re a good friend to have,” Gakushuu says, and it makes Ren look surprised and pleased. 

Katsuya says, “he’s useful. Haven’t you paid attention during the Principal’s lessons?”

“I’m asleep when you are awake,” Gakushuu reminds her. “Ren does help me a lot.”

“Unlike the rest of your classmates,” she says. “They are so useless. You should kill them.”

Gakushuu grits his teeth. “Please stop.”

“They’re useless,” Katsuya hisses. “They’re getting in your way.”

“No,” Gakushuu insists. “They’re not doing anything.”

“They’re worse than you. Remember how people get stronger? They have to kill the people weaker than them, or they’ll die.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“How would you know?”

“How would you know?!”

“That’s what the Principal has taught us, remember?” Katsuya says. “Are you saying he’s wrong?”

Gakushuu winces. “N-no.”

“ Stammering again.”
Dad’s not wrong… is he? Gakushuu really doesn’t know. Dad always says that he does everything for Gakushuu’s sake. That he’s teaching Gakushuu all of this so that Gakushuu can be strong.

Dad is… dad. He knows everything. He became a principal now, which is the boss of a teacher, which means he must be extremely smart, right?

Is he wrong?

Gakushuu really doesn’t know.

The group of people that usually make fun of Gakushuu are there again. They don’t bother touching him now, not after Nanako beat the previous group of people up. They just yell at him.

“Heard you were talking to yourself in class again!” One of them shouts.

Katsuya is immediately here. “See?” She says. “Crazy, crazy, crazy.”

“Shut up,” Gakushuu says, to her.

“What did you say to us?” 

Gakushuu panics. Nanako is not here. “Nothing.”

“Weak. ”

“Katsuya, Shut up!”

“...Are any of you named Katsuya?” 

Oh, no. He said that aloud again. Maybe he is crazy. 

“S-sorry,” Gakushuu says. “I’m going to go.” He really wishes Nanako was here, but he’s not the one who knows how to fight.

“You’re stuttering,” Katsuya says, sounding very much like Dad.

Gakushuu learns very quickly about Katsuya because she’s awake for so long. 

She wakes up in the morning halfway through school and the only thing she does is to tell him his classmates are weak. She laughs when they get an answer wrong and she reminds him about what Dad is trying to teach them and Gakushuu hates it, he hates it.

He is speaking out loud more with her, than he ever did with Yukio and Nanako. 

He gets weird looks from everyone, more than before. He reminds himself not to say the name Katsuya, in case he ends up speaking out loud instead of his head.

But there is something about talking to Katsuya that makes Gakushuu more emotional and he cannot control his thoughts or when he speaks. 

He hasn’t managed to shout out loud in class so far.

Until he does, saying a very loud “Shut up! Be quiet!” Halfway through an explanation about multiple sums, and he gets sent out of the room disrupting the class and he feels ashamed. 

Katsuya laughs at him, too.

“You’re so crazy and weak and stupid!”

“Shut up! I’m tired of listening to you!”

He gets sent to the Principal’s office.

“Your son has been acting up, recently,” his Principal says, to his Principal (Dad), as Dad has his arms folded and Gakushuu tries to look up and stand up straight like Dad taught him even if he wants to curl up on the floor.

“He’s been very rude to his classmates and interrupting his teachers in class.”

“I see,” Dad says, looking over at Gakushuu.

He’s angry.

Gakushuu’s insides twist, terrified. 

Katsuya laughs at him.

Gakushuu wants to tell her to shut up. He stops himself from doing so.

“You can’t even focus,” Katsuya says. 

Gakushuu grits his teeth. He’s not going to reply her.

“You got that question wrong.”

He can barely see the questions, and his paper is getting wet. He’s crying, and the drops of tears are smudging his handwriting. He can’t read the sums that Dad made him do.

He rubs at his eyes. 

“Crying,’ Katsuya says. “How childish . How are you supposed to be strong if you’re crying?”

Gakushuu hisses, “S-shut up.”

“You know something?” She says, and there’s something in her tone that makes Gakushuu pause to listen, because it’s the most thoughtful and least mean way she has started speaking before. 

She says, “maybe your classmates aren’t really the ones who are weak. You are.”

There is a period of time just after Dad’s lessons and before bed where Yukio and Nanako are awake enough to speak to him.

Sometimes they wake up during the day, but they don’t speak when Katsuya is there.

“You shouldn’t listen to Katsuya,” Yukio says. “She’s wrong. You’re not weak, Gakushuu.”

“You’re strong,” Nanako agrees. “She’s just trying to tell you everything that your dad does. She’s just messing with you.”

“Maybe,” Gakushuu mumbles. “I’m doing worse, though. At everything.”

“That’s just because of her!” Nanako says. “Once she’s gone-”

She cuts herself off. Swallows.

“Is she going to be?” Yukio says.

Gakushuu sobs. 

“Looks like Asano is getting questions wrong,” a classmate says. “Looks like he’s turning crazy after all.”

Ren shoots him a scared look.

“Class,” Mori-Sensei says. “Let’s not call each other names, okay!”

“Mori-Sensei, it’s true, though! He always talks to himself and he’s super weird!”

Ren stands up so fast from his chair that it topples over, yelling, “Gakushuu’s not crazy!”

Mori-Sensei looks at him, and for a brief terrifying moment, Gakushuu thinks Ren is going to get in trouble.

Then Mori-Sensei says, “sit down, Sakakibara. Stop calling Asano names, class.”

The class stops, but they still laugh, and they still stare at him.

Katsuya doesn’t stop. 

“Crazy. Weak. Stupid.”

Maybe you should die.

That thought doesn’t come from Katsuya. She hasn’t actually told him to die, not since Yukio told her that whatever happens to Gakushuu’s body happens to all of them.

It doesn’t come from Dad either, who although keeps telling him that the weak should die, doesn’t tell Gakushuu to die. He tells Gakushuu that he’s strong, although Gakushuu knows that he’s only telling Katsuya that she’s strong during their lessons, and that he doesn’t think Gakushuu is strong at all.

The thought comes from Gakushuu himself.

He’s scared. 

“Hey, look, it’s the crazy kid.”

Gakushuu flinches.

“Flinching isn’t strong.”

Gakushuu begs for Nanako. 

“Calling someone else to save you?” Katsuya hisses. “If you’re strong, you shouldn’t need anyone. You should be able to crush the weak all by yourself”

“Hey, why don’t you say something?” “You yelled at a teacher? That’s crazy.” “If you beat us up this time, everyone will lock you up in a mental hospital!”

“Crazy! Stupid! Weak!”

“Shut up! Just shut up and leave me alone!”

“You’re not strong at all.”

“I know,” Gakushuu sobs, as he tries to wrap up his own arm - he can’t bandage it properly with one hand free, and his other hand is shaking too much. “I know.”

“You’re so weak.”

“I know,” Gakushuu cries. “Please stop.”

Where are Yukio and Nanako?

“Look at yourself.”

“Katsuya, please stop.” 

“I’m just telling you the truth.”

“You’re making my head hurt.”

“Are you crying, Gakushuu?”

“Y-yes.”

“Weak. Crazy.”

“Please stop.”

“Your father will be so ashamed of you.”

“I know. I know.”

“I have been very ashamed of your performance, Asano.”

“S-sorry, Sir.”

“Look at yourself,” Dad says sharply. 

“Stammering, slouching, looking at the floor when someone is speaking to you.”

Katsuya repeats those words in time with Dad - Gakushuu flinches at each one.

“If you’re just going to regress on my teachings, Asano, maybe I just have nothing to teach you.”

Gakushuu bites his tongue.

“Say something, stupid!” Katsuya snaps at him.

Gakushuu shakes his head.

“Are you stupid! Weak! Crazy! If he doesn’t want to teach you, you’re going to be weak forever!”

“Are you giving me the silent treatment, Asano?”

“N-no, Sir.”

“Look up.” 

Gakushuu looks up. Dad stares at him for a moment, and then sighs. “Will you tell me what has been happening, Asano? I cannot help you if you are not letting me know my problems.”

“ Tell him you are weak and stupid and crazy.”

...what if he kills me?

“Why will he kill you? Are you crazy? Stupid?’

...because I’m weak. And he always says that the strong kill-

“...fine.”

“Nothing,” Gakushuu says.

Dad frowns at him. “If nothing is wrong, then I expect improvements from here on, understand?”

“Yes sir.”

Yukio and Nanako try - they do, they try hard and they try a lot.

They hug Gakushuu and reassure him and try to tell him he’s great.

But no one else thinks he is.

Not his classmates (except for Ren), not Dad, not Katsuya.

But her agreeing with him so Dad doesn't kill him… it makes Gakushuu think.

Just like the first time they met, where Katsuya agreed not to do anything because whatever affected him, affected all of them.

Gakushuu thinks he understands Katsuya. A little bit. Because he understands Yukio and Nanako, and so he knows that Katsuya is just like them… even though it’s hard to see it.

Yukio and Nanako were there to help him, so does that mean Katsuya is the same, too?

...she doesn’t want him dead. Although that might be because that she doesn’t want herself to die. 

Gakushuu doesn’t understand why she is saying so many mean things to him! But she is just like Dad, and Gakushuu doesn’t understand why Dad is being so cruel to him as well this time. 

And in a way, Katsuya was helping Gakushuu in the beginning, when Dad first started his lessons. Gakushuu fell asleep and Katsuya took over. Maybe that is why she sounded the most like Dad right now, because she spent the most time with him.

“You’re not crazy, Gakushuu,” Yukio says. “Please, listen to me. Listen to us.”

“You’re not stupid,” Nanako says. “You’re very smart, Gakushuu.”

“Everyone calls me crazy, and weak,” Gakushuu pulls his legs to his chest. “‘I’m not strong. I can’t deal with people making fun of me without you, Nanako. I’m getting all the questions wrong.”

“We’re trying,” Yukio says. “I’m sorry. It’s really hard for us to stay awake.”

“It’s scary,” Nanako sobs. 

“It’s just like me when you two first came,” Gakushuu tells them gently. “It was really hard for me, too.”

“You’re too good, Gakushuu,” Nanako says, in his arms.

“You’re a good person,” Yukio agrees. “Not like Gakuhou, or those terrible classmates of yours… or Katsuya.”

“Katsuya…”

“We hear things she says to you sometimes,” Yukio says. “It’s not true, you know that, right?”

“Do you really believe them?” Katsuya says. “That you’re not crazy?”

Gakushuu looks down at his homework. He got three out of ten questions wrong. 

“Do you think I’m crazy?” He asks her, quietly.

She pauses for a moment, thinking. Then, ”I don’t know.”

That… was not the answer Gakushuu was expecting. “What do you mean?”

He feels Katsuya shrug. “You talk to yourself.”

“I talk to you.”

Another long pause.

Then, “you cry and stammer and slouch and get so many questions wrong, so you are weak and stupid. Maybe not crazy. But the other two.”

It’s hard to remember those words, when Dad throws his seven out of ten at him, and calls him crazy .

Katsuya says it over and over again and it follows Gakushuu back to his head.

Maybe I should die , is what Gakushuu thinks.

He doesn’t dare say it to anyone, not even Yukio and Nanako. Not even Ren, who Gakushuu feels like he has told everything up to this point.

He likes Ren, he really does, but this feels wrong to tell someone.

Would it be possible for him to die, without anything happening to Yukio and Nanako and Katsuya?

“Gakushuu?” Ren says. “You okay?”

“Hey, crazy kid!”

“Stupid, weak, crazy!”

“Asano, you’ve been showing a lot of weakness .”

“If you’re weak, you should just die .”

(He’s been crying a lot, lately.)

“The internet?” Gakushuu mumbles.

“Yes,” Dad says. “If you have a question, don’t ask me. Search it up on this device. It should help you with your poor results.”

Gakushuu takes the phone carefully from him. “...okay.”

Search anything? If he had questions, and he didn’t need to ask Dad? It almost seemed too good to be true.

Yukio agrees, and says that they should find out more about it first before they use it. What if it’s secretly Dad? Gakushuu doesn’t want to ask too many questions and get in trouble.

Gakushuu asks Ren about it the next day at school, but he doesn;t know about it, too. Then, when he goes to Kunugigaoka in the afternoon, he asks one of the middle school students - Naiko, from class 1-A, who lets Gakushuu sit with him when they’re at the cafeteria..

“Your father gave you a phone?” Naiko looks over it curiously. “Wow, I didn't get a phone so young, but I suppose he spoils you.”

Gakushuu smiles back, shakily. 

“You were asking about the internet, right?” Naiko taps at his phone. “Well, if you want to use it, just click here. Although, it looks like… yep, you have parental control on.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means… uh, well, some things on the internet aren’t good for kids. Your father put something on your phone to make sure you don’t accidentally click into one of those.” 

“Oh,” Gakushuu says. He frowns. “Can he see what I search for?”

“Most probably, yep,” Naiko says. 

“Oh,” Gakushuu says.

Naiko looks left, right, giggles, then leans closer. “Let me tell you a secret. You want to look for things without your father knowing, right?”

“Uh-huh,” Gakushuu nods.

“There are other places you can use the internet,” Naiko says. “Like a library. 

“...like the school library?”
“Well, yes, but your father will still be able to check that, because your father owns this school, remember? You can go to a public library. You know where one is?”

Gakushuu nods. “There is one near my school.”

“There are computers there for this.” Naiko snickers. “Oh, no, I’m corrupting the principal’s son. I hope I don’t get detention for this. Don’t tell anyone I told you this, okay? Especially not your father.”

Gakushuu asks Dad if he can go to the public library. Dad says yes.

The next school day, Ren and his mom walk him to the library. “Remember to give me a call if you need anything, sweetie,” Ren’s mom says. “What time will your father be here to pick you up again?”

“Five,” Gakushuu says.

“Have fun, now,” she says, and Ren waves to him as they leave. Nanako begins waking up, lazily looking at the library in interest. Yukio says, “you should look for some books.”

Gakushuu frowns. “I’m here to use the internet.”

“We don’t want Gakuhou to know that,” Yukio says. “He thinks you’re here for books.”

“Get that one,” Nanako says, motioning to a bright red cover poking out amongst a stack. “It seems fun.”

“Hi,” a lady says, coming up to him. “Are you here alone?”

“My father is coming later,” Gakushuu answers her. He picks up the red book. The front cover reads, Automated Code Generation for P4 Traffic Systems.

Gakushuu blinks at it.

“I have no idea,” Yukio says.

The lady laughs. “My dear, you’re in the wrong section. There is another area for different books for children.”

Gakushuu lets her bring him there, and she tells him to look for her or anyone else with a nametag if he needs help. Then, Yukio and Nanako point out books to him and he takes them until he has a stack as tall as the ones he sees other people have.

Then he walks around until he finds a computer.

Using it is easy enough, because he’s seen Dad use it many times, and there are instructions on the paper taped to the table. The logo on the computer is the same one on his phone that Naiko told him about.

Click, click.

> Search: people in my head

> Search: hearing voices

> Search: what is schiphronea (did you mean: schizophrenia ?)

> Search: what is mental disorder

> Search: what is mental disorder

> Search: am i sick

> Search: am i sick mental disorder

> Search: cure mental disorder

> Search: what is schiphronea (did you mean: schizophrenia ?)

> Search: what is halluination (did you mean: hallucination ?)

> Search: people in my head hallucination

> Search: more than one person in my head

> Search: multiple personality

> Search: multiple personality disorder

> Search: disocitive personality disorder (did you mean: dissociative personality disorder ?)

> Search: person in my head dissociative personality disorder

> Search: alt

> Search: alter

> Search: alter dissociative personality disorder

> Search: dissociative identity disorder

> Search: person in my head hates my 

> Search: person in my head hates me

> Search: sucide (did you mean: suicide ?)

> Search: what is suicide

> Search: can you suicide

> Search: d

> Search: depr

> Search: what is depression

> Search: people in my

> Search: dissociative identity disorder people in my head

> Search: dissociative identity disorder alters

> Search: dissociative identity disorder w

> Search dissociative identity disorder where

> Search: alters where did alters come from

> Search: alters why

> Search: dissociative identity disorder alters why

> Search: w (did you mean: why ?)

> Search: wh (did you mean: why ?)

> Search: what is

> Search: dis

> Search: what is trauma

> Search: what is abuse

> Search: dissociative identity disorder abuse

> Search: wh

> Search: why is abuse

> Search: what is child abus (did you mean: child abuse ?)

> Search: does my dad hate me (did you mean: child abuse ?)

> Search: why does my dad hate me (did you mean: child abuse ?)

> Search: my dad locks me in the cupboard (did you mean: child abuse ?)

> Search: my dad hits me (did you mean: child abuse ?)

> Search: dad

> Search: why does my dad hate me

> Search: dissociative identity disorder alter hates me

> Search: what is suicide

> Search: what is 

> Search: w

> Search: why is 

> Search: why does my alter hate me

> Search: why does my dad hate me

> Search: why does my alter me

> Search: how 

> Search: how to s

> Search: how to stop alter hating you

> Search: how to stop dad hating you

> Search: how to stop alter hating you

> Search: how to stop alter hating 

> Search: how to stop a

> Search: how to stop alter

> Search: how to stop killing myself

> Search: how to suicide

> Search: how to stop

> Search: how to s

“Gakushuu?”

Gakushuu blinks. “Huh?”

“Hi.” Yukio gently shakes him awake. 

“I fell asleep?” Gakushuu sits upright - he’s in his bed, in his room. He knows this is a dream, so they’re in his room, but-

“Oh! I was-”

“In the library,” Yukio says. “You went somewhere. I didn’t see where.”

“You!”

Gakushuu’s head snaps up. It’s Nanako, and Katsuya!

“You’re wrong!” Nanako is screaming to Katsuya, voice hoarse. “You’re wrong! How is this proving you’re strong?”

Katsuya glares. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I wouldn’t understand?!” Nanako steps forward. “I can crack your head on the floor!”

Katsuya’s eyes widen minutely and she takes a step back, Nanako takes another step forward, and Gakushuu darts out to put himself between the both of them. “Guys…”

Nanako yanks him back behind her. “I know what strength is more than you,” Nanako says, “and it’s about getting better. For yourself, because you want to! If I get a… a brown belt, I don’t keep fighting people with white belts! I fight people with black belts until I have one! What you’re doing… you’re just a bully!”

Katsuya bristles. “You-”

“Katsuya,” Yukio says. “Listen to Nanako. Your idea of power is wrong. If you keep trying to step on ants, at the end of the day, all you’ll know how to do is to step on ants. You’re not going to get stronger by crushing weak people around you, or getting rid of everyone around you. What you’re going to get, is alone.”

Katsuya stares at him in silence, lips pursed..

Gakushuu is thinking so much, but this space inside his head feels so uncomfortably empty. 

“Katsuya?” He tries.

Katsuya glances at him. 

“I’m not asking you to change who you are or what you think is right,” Gakushuu says. (Ignoring the, “Gakushuu,” and, “she is wrong, though!” in the background.) 

“I think, that even though we all think a little bit differently from one another, the fact that we’re all different like this… is important. You’re important, Katsuya.”

“You’re saying you want me in your head?” Katsuya says, eyes glinting like she’s challenging Gakushuu to back down - to be scared of her, because Gakushuu is scared of her and she knows it.  “To stay here, with you, with all the thoughts and ideas that you all hate and find so cruel-”

“Yes,” Gakushuu says firmly, which startles her into pausing, and he quickly stands up straight even as his legs shake. 

“Yes,” Gakushuu doubles down. “I still want you here. Because you are important. And from what I understand,” he turns around to look at Yukio and Nanako as well (who are both gaping back at him in surprise), “the three of you are here because I can’t…deal… with the bad things in my life. But… you guys can.”

He turns to look at Katsuya again. “You’re here because you’re the only one that understands Dad. I don’t… understand him anymore. He used to teach me… the opposite of what he says now.”

“Then one day he started locking me in the cupboard because I was being bad, but I didn’t even do anything different! He was the one that changed! I was scared of the cupboard, but then Yukio came and he wasn’t. Then Dad started hitting me and Yukio and I didn’t know what to do, but Nanako came and she hit back. And now Dad!...”

Gakushuu sags, “I understand even less of what he’s trying to do now. But… you’re here, Katsuya.”

“What do you expect me to do?” Katsuya says. “I have done the opposite of help you unlike the other two.”

“That’s not true,” Gakushuu insists, and she just raises an eyebrow at him. “But, um, without you….” Gakushuu frowns at his hands, looks at his feet. “...I’ll probably be dead.”

“...it’s what Dad always says, right? The weak… perish and die. And I’m just the weakest here, right? I’m the one that can’t do things alone, so I needed you all.”

“...that’s not true,” Nanako says softly.

“It is,” Katsuya says, and Gakushuu feels Yukio lunge at Nanako to keep her from charging forth… except that for the first time, Gakushuu doesn’t feel any malice from Katsuya at all.

He looks up at her, and she’s watching him thoughtfully, arms crossed. What she’s thinking of, Gakushuu doesn’t know. She’s not any less intimidating, nor any less like Dad, but… listening. 

“That’s what keeps me alive, I think. Because we’re all so different. What you believe in, and what you think is right… it’s not the same as me, and I don’t want it to be the same as me, because I’m the one with the problem! I’m glad you’re different because that means you’re stronger!”

And suddenly, all the thoughts that Gakushuu didn’t dare to think with Katsuya in his head - that he didn’t want to think about because he didn’t want them to be true, come spilling out-

“And every time Dad says I’m weak and the stronger people are going to kill me I think about you and I wonder if you’re trying to kill me. I don’t even know why I’m the one who takes control most of the times because I’m the weak one, I’m scared of everything that you all aren’t scared of and I never understand anything and everybody at school thinks i’m weird and crazy!”

“Gakushuu?”

“And everytime Katsuya wakes up she’s loud and terrifying just like Dad and the cupboard and fighting and none of this is even real, I-I’m scared of my own head! Katsuya is here last and she knows more than me and she’s so much stronger than me and Dad likes her better, Dad likes all of you better, he likes Yukio and Nanako and Katsuya and everytime I’m not one of you he says I’m stupid and weak and I did so much better when all of you were taking over instead!”

“Gakushuu!”

“And sometimes when Katsuya is not telling me to kill myself I’m thinking about it too! I don’t want to because I’ll miss you guys and I’ll miss Ren but everything hurts, my head hurts all the time and Dad hates me and even my own brain hates me and I hate me because I’m so weak...”

“I don’t want you to die! Are you crazy ?” Katsuya yells. “What happens to you happens to me !”

“You’re the one who always talks about how the weak die and how I’m weak!” Gakushuu rubs at his eyes. 

“Stop calling him crazy!” Nanako yells, and she steps past Gakushuu and shoves her into their desk.

Yukio says quiet, but Gakushuu jumps between them again. “Stop it, Nanako.”

Nanako hisses at him.

Katsuya, braced against the desk, just… looks confused. She says, “I don’t understand.”

“I’m scared all the time, Katsuya,” Gakushuu says to her. “I know I’m weak and stupid and crazy, but I don’t want to die.”

"I don't want you to die," Katsuya repeats. "If you die, I do."

"I know," Gakushuu says, rubbing his arms. "I'm not going to."

"You're weak," Katsuya points out. "You-"

"Talk like this is what makes it sound like you do want him dead!"

"That's what the Principal always says!" Katsuya yells. "I don't know how to be nice like you all! I don't, okay?!"

"..."

Nanako and Yukio exchange looks, before Yukio nods. Nanako crosses her arms. Yukio smiles at Gakushuu.

"That's okay," Gakushuu says. "We can work together on it. Please stop saying mean things to me."

"...okay," Katsuya says. 

"If Gakushuu does poorly," Yukio says, "we all do. Remember that we are all living together. So we can't fight between us, okay?"

"..." Katsuya sighs, and nods.

"That means you too, Nanako."

"I wasn't even-" Nanako starts, but falls silent. Wordlessly she reaches over, grabs Katsuya by the forearm, and hauls her to her feet.

Gakushuu wakes up.

He’s in…

He’s on a bench, in a park.

...It’s dark out.

“Oh,” Gakushuu says. 

He stands up. His limbs ache. It’s clearly not five anymore, and he’s nowhere near the library, which means…

“Oh no.” He is in so much trouble. Dad is going to find him and he is going to get in so much trouble.

“Can you read that sign over there, Gakushuu?” Yukio asks him.

Gakushuu walks to it. Shibuya Park . 

“Okay,” Yukio says. “We haven’t gone far.”

“How do you know?” Nanako is awake, too. 

“Shibuya street is nearby. I don’t know where, though. We have to ask for directions.”

There’s no one around in the park at night. It’s cold. Gakushuu thinks, Dad is going to kill me.

“He’s not going to kill you.”

Gakushuu startles, and almost trips. Katsuya is awake, too!

“We just talked,” Katsuya says.

“Well, the four of us are hardly awake at the same time,” Gakushuu points out.

They walk down the pavement until they hit a junction, and Yukio stares at a road sign. “This sounds familiar,” he says. “We just have to walk until we meet someone, or see a familiar building.”

Gakushuu is a little afraid of getting lost, but Yukio is better at directions, so Gakushuu leaves it up to him.

“So are we good now?” Gakushuu says.

Nanako and Katsuya are silent. Yukio says, “I think we’ll be fine. It’s not like we can get rid of any of us.”

“You sure talk a lot about dying for someone who doesn’t want Gakushuu to die,” Nanako snaps.

“He’s us, we share the same body,” Katsuya retorts. “Of course I don’t want him to die.”

“What about other people?” Nanako challenges.

Katsuya sniffs. “I don’t care about other people. Just us.”

Yukio sighs. “A start, I suppose.”

Then, 

“Gakushuu! Gakushuu Asano!”

That’s…. 

Dad?

Gakushuu follows the sound of the voice. It grows louder and louder, and Gakushuu feels relief flood through him. Dad was looking for him! 

And then he sees him - Dad, down the street, calling his name!

“DAD!”

“GAKUSHUU?!” 

Dad’s in front of him before Gakushuu can react, and suddenly Gakushuu is in his arms and Dad is holding him tight. “Oh, gods, son, Gakushuu Asano, what the hell?! Where did you go?!”

Gakushuu opens his mouth to answer, but Dad just holds him tighter, squeezing Gakushuu’s words out of him. Gakushuu buries his face in his shoulder.

He misses this. He misses Dad so much.

“You were missing for hours ,” Dad says. “The librarian saw you run down the street, and you were gone . You made me so worried.”

“S-sorry.”

Dad doesn’t say a word. He shifts to hold Gakushuu with one arm, and with another arm he takes out his phone and makes a call… oh, the police? Oh, he’s telling them he found his son. Dad called the police because he ran off. Embarrassed, Gakushuu hides his face in Dad’s neck.

“Son…” Dad strokes his hair. “Will you finally tell me what has been wrong with you these past few months?”

Gakushuu blanks.

Nothing he say wouldn’t get him out of trouble. He doesn’t even know how to say anything. Dad will never believe him. Dad already thinks he’s crazy and weak and stupid and crazy and weak and stupid .

Dad, just like Katsuya, doesn’t want him to die… but doesn’t like him very much either.

“:...”

“Gakushuu Asano,” Dad says, slowly.

...He's angry.

"...um…"

Then, "let me speak, Gakushuu," Katsuya says..

Huh?

"I know what to say. I'll get us out of trouble. Just listen to me, okay?"

Gakushuu blinks. 

"Do you trust me?"

Nanako and Yukio are silent. Gakushuu doesn't trust himself not to say the words out loud, so he imagines himself nodding.

"Tell him you're being bullied at school because you're too smart. Your classmates and the older students make fun of you and call you crazy and weak and stupid because you think differently from them. It's not a lie, okay? Because they do. We are telling the truth but in a different way."

Nanako says, "That's just a lie."

"Not really," Katsuya says. "It's true. We are just leaving some things out that would get us in trouble if he said it."

"It would most likely get everyone else in trouble," Yukio says.

"So?" Katsuya folds her arms. "That doesn't matter. I don't care about them. I care about what happens to us."

Nanako fumes. "You-"

"She's right," Yukio says. "And they made fun of Gakushuu. Maybe they should get into a bit of trouble."

Gakushuu tells Dad all of that. He watches Dad get angrier and angrier… but not at him. There's a difference, and he can tell. Dad tightens his hold on him.

Katsuya says, "tell him all the times you scream and yell during class is because they call you names."

" You are the one that calls him names," Yukio says.

"Yes," Katsuya huffs. "And so do they. And he yells at them when they do so."

Gakushuu tells Dad what Katsuya says.

Katsuya says  "tell him that they threw rocks at you."

"Okay," Yukio says, "Don't say that. That's just a real lie now."

"Ren doesn't do that, though," Gakushuu adds on. "He yells at other people all the time when they're mean to me."

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier, Asano?" Dad says softly.

Gakushuu doesn't need Katsuya's instructions for this question - and he doesn't need a lie. "I was scared that you will be disappointed in me."

"Those stupid classmates of yours are weak ," Katsuya says. "They are useless and stupid . See? I got you out of trouble and got rid of them at the same time. I don't think you'll understand - you don't listen to the Principal's lessons, after all, but getting rid of the weak means they will no longer be in my way."

Gakushuu says sincerely, "Thanks, Katsuya."

Nanako glares at her. "That is not the point!"

Yukio sighs.

The next few days are messy, and confusing. Dad lets him stay home and do his work on his own, and without Katsuya yelling in his ear, he gets the questions all correct again. 

Ren and his mom and his dad come to visit at Gakushuu's house. Ren bounds him and gives him a big hug, and says, "you told your Dad that the other kids were being mean to you?"

Gakushuu nods. 

"They were called out from class yesterday," Ren says. "I hear they got in big big biiiig trouble."

"Oh," Gakushuu says. He looks left, right, then leans in and whispers, "it was Katsuya's idea."

Ren looks surprised. "Oh. Is she here now?"

Gakushuu shakes his head. "She's asleep."

Ren looks troubled. "What did she say?"

"She was helping me get out of trouble because Dad was mad at me," Gakushuu said. 

Ren sighs. "That's okay then."

"Dad said he's going to put me in a different school," Gakushuu says. "I'll miss you."

"Well, actually," Ren's mom says, coming out from behind them. "We are thinking of transferring the both of you together."

Ren gasps. "Really?"

"Well, we don't want you in that sort of environment, too," she says, patting Ren on the head. "And we wouldn't want to split the both of you up."

Gakushuu smiles at her brightly. "Thank you, Mrs Sakakibara!"

She smiles at him too, and ruffles his hair.

“You want a weighted blanket?” Dad stares.

Gakushuu nods. “I heard people talking about it.”

Dad drums his fingers on the table, looking at Gakushuu, almost surprised. “Sure.”

"So,” Gakushuu says. “Now we have to figure ourselves out.” 

“Dissociative identity disorder,” Yukio says. “What’s that?”

"The thing that we read about on the internet," Gakushuu says. 

“So there’s something wrong with you,” Katsuya says. 

Nanako punches her in the arm.

“We need to use the internet again,” Yukio says, ignoring them. “Do you think you can go to the library soon?”

“Nope,” Gakushuu says cheerily. “Dad said will never let me leave the house again.”

“That’s fine,” Katsuya says. “Let’s lie some more so we can use the internet.” She perks up. “I’ll teach you how to lie, Gakushuu!”

Nanako punches her again.

Yukio sighs. Gakushuu smiles at them. "Come on, guys."

"Yeah, we're in this together, or whatever," Nanako says. Punches Katsuya for the third time.

Chapter Text

Between the time from when Gakushuu gets pulled out of school to starting again in the new academic year, he spends all his time at Kunugigaoka with Dad, who doesn’t teach the middle school curriculum but is perfectly capable of doing so. 

It doesn’t get better immediately. His head is still a mess - Yukio and Nanako and Katsuya all have trouble staying awake at the same time, although it looks like Gakushuu can stay awake regardless of who else is with him. His thoughts conflict all day when they’re awake and arguing, and he practices in the mirror to learn how to speak properly again. 

Katsuya makes a marked improvement but in the early weeks of their truce, she sometimes forgets - and catches herself calling Gakushuu stupid or crazy or useless . She never apologizes for it, and Gakushuu doesn’t expect her too, but for the immediate minutes after she’ll speak a little more slowly and softly like she’s trying to remember to watch her words.

But as it turns out - Gakushuu didn’t need Katsuya to say terrible things to himself, either. He repeats the words that his old classmates and even Katsuya used to say to him until he feels terrible and for some reason he can’t stop.

Gakushuu gets to know the staff and students at Kunugigaoka - and they get to know him, too, when they stumble upon him sitting in front of the restroom mirrors sobbing his eyes out. 

The students sit with him and pat his back and tells Gakushuu that their brain says mean things to them, too. Gakushuu always remembers to ask them not to tell Dad, though - and Dad never scolds him about showing weakness, so he knows they keep his secrets.

He doesn’t want to blame Katsuya, even though he knows that Yukio and Nanako do. They needed her, and they need to all get along, and blaming people wouldn’t do that. Besides, in an odd way, Gakushuu understands - because it was him and Katsuya after all, that had to listen to Dad’s teachings. Katsuya is Gakushuu - she is the part of Gakushuu that spent the most time with Dad, just like how Yukio is the part of Gakushuu that spent the most time in the closet and Nanako is the part of Gakushuu that spent the most time fighting. If Katsuya didn’t exist, Gakushuu would probably have been her.

He reads up more on dissociative identity disorder. 

Gakushuu turns nine years old, and he and his best friend Ren Sakakibara are transferred to a new elementary school a district over. 

Gakushuu is nervous, but he has optimistic hopes for a new start, so he tries his best to make the best first impression by smiling bright and being polite. 

His new teachers speak to him weirdly, like they are a bit too careful about saying the wrong thing. Gakushuu thinks it’s probably because of Dad, who must have said something to them. (Shortly after he pulled Gakushuu out of his previous school, he sat him down and talked about professional integrity. It’s a fancy word that means people should do their jobs properly - Dad says that his old teachers didn’t, so he’s going to have them fired. Did Dad threaten his new teachers, too? It seems likely.) 

Before he enrolls there, though, his to-be teachers and a school counsellor ask Gakushuu many questions about what happened, questions like how he behaved and if he knew why people picked on him. They asked Ren too, just in case - and good thing, because Gakushuu forgot that the whole reason Yukio woke up in school in the first place was when Shoji pushed him into the cupboard in first grade. Dad frowns really hard when he hears that, but it’s been a really long time, and in the whole mess of things that ended up happening, Gakushuu doesn’t even think it matters anymore. He doesn’t like to think about that time in his life a lot - even though that was just a few short years ago. 

Then they make Gakushuu take a test. It’s really easy, and he didn’t even need Yukio’s help. He gets all full marks for it too. 

Gakushuu had been spending more time with Yukio and Nanako and Katsuya on communicating, and they get a lot better at it. He can speak to them in his head a lot better now and he never says anything out loud. His mind still gets messy and chaotic sometimes, and the alters still have their disagreements, especially between Nanako and Katsuya. Gakushuu won’t say exactly that Katsuya has become nicer , but she has at least become better to get along with. Gakushuu likes spending time with her, now that she’s not calling him names all the time, because she is actually kind of funny.

He and Ren get put in the same class. Their new classmates are nice, and since Gakushuu isn’t crazy and he doesn’t talk to himself anymore, nobody bullies him..

He tells Dad, who seems happy at his new environment, and tells him to make sure he ‘makes more connections’. He continues to teach Gakushuu how to talk to others professionally and about networking with potential business partners. Gakushuu takes only half that advice, and floats from group to group with a smile. He and Ren find new groups of friends, which are perfectly nice classmates of his that don’t call him names or laugh at him when he still trips over his words sometimes. 

Yukio and Nanako also find their own friends to spend time with, which just makes it seem like Gakushuu has a lot of friends. Katsuya doesn’t make her own friends, but she does point out all the different people that she thinks they should network with the most, such as the son of a politician or the daughter of a famous singer. His new friends introduce him to their new friends, and so on and so on.

He makes all these contacts and, in Katsuya’s words, creates a dense network of useful connections . He meets so many more people than he ever thought a single person should know.

Gakushuu does really well in his lessons with Dad teaching them and Yukio’s help, and he starts representing the school in some academic competitions! He and Nanako are really excited about it. 

By the time Gakushuu is twelve years old in his last year of middle school, he is what people would call, popular . 

“So, Asano,” a classmate says. “What middle school are you going to?”

“Oh,” Gakushuu says. The choice had always been obvious to him. “I’m going to Kunugigaoka.”

Gakushuu enters his first day of middle school already knowing (at least in passing) half the people in his cohort, who have followed him through the grueling entrance examinations (not even he was exempted). There are many familiar faces, and he even meets Tsubara from his seven year old martial arts tournament again, who cheerfully promises a spar. Nanako is very excited about it.

And that’s when Gakushuu meets him .

Gakushuu’s eyes are drawn to the boy in his class immediately - seated at the back by himself, eyes glued to his phone. Gakushuu doesn't recognize him, but the boy reminds him strikingly of Nanako. Messy red hair, bright eyes, and he’s not even wearing the school uniform properly. (Gakushuu usually has to hit her on the head to make sure his top collar button stays closed.)

The others are awake - Yukio and Katsuya, who are generally interested in school. As for Nanako, he suspects it’s the novelty of the situation and the newness of the school that makes her curious, and that she will go to sleep once lessons actually start.

Gakushuu sits up straight and listens intently to the roll call - oh, Akabane, Karma. The first name in the roster.

This is why he finds himself walking up towards the boy, a hand outstretched for a handshake. “Hello, my name is Gakushuu Asano.”

Akabane glances at him. “I know who you are,” he says. Then, “everyone seems to know who you are.”

“Ah,” Gakushuu says. “Yes. I’ve met many people before.”

Akabane looks over him. “Asano? Like our Principal?”

Gakushuu nods. “That’s my father.”

Akabane snorts. “SO you’re a good boy.”

“...Excuse me?”

“Nothing, your highness,” Akabane drawls, and then leans back on the chair with his arm crossed, like he’s no longer interested in speaking. Gakushuu is a little put out, but he knows how to take a hint, so he walks off, half-startled with the strange interaction.

“What an asshole,” Nanako sniffs.

And then it happens.

It happens after physical education. Gakushuu doesn’t need Nanako to run some laps, but there’s no other opportunity to let her stretch her legs, so Gakushuu lets her take over during exercises. He’s surprised to see that Nanako spends the most of the time neck-in-neck with Akabane, and they spend the time leaving their other classmates in the dust.

Akabane, having beaten her by seven seconds, says, “so you can run.”

Gakushuu feels Nanako’s irritation. “What gave it away?”

Akabane raises an eyebrow. “Can you throw a punch?”

Nanako taunts, “Do you want to find out?”

Akabane grins. “I better not get expelled if I punch the Principal’s kid in the face.”

(“Hey, Gakushuu?” Nanako says.

Gakushuu says, “you better not ask me if it’s okay to get into a fight with someone on the first day.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Nanako says.

“Oh, sorry,” Gakushuu says. “What is it?”

“I think I have a crush on Akabane.”)

The resounding shriek that Gakushuu makes as he quickly wrestles control from Nanako to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid but proceeds to do something stupid by tripping over his own feet and smacking straight into Akabane anyways, catches the attention of everyone in the gym.

(Katsuya says, “trust Nanako to fall for the first person that offers to get into a fight with her.”

Nanako says, “you’re going to fall for the first person that sends you a death threat.”

“Hm,” Katsuya muses. “That is a very courageous action. Anybody who has the gall to blackmail me would have my begrudging admiration."

Yukio pats his back sympathetically, Gakushuu thunks his head on the table.)

So in their first week of middle school, a kid called Karma Akabane offers to punch Nanako in the face, and she’s been smitten ever since.

Every day since then Gakushuu goes to school now, she stays awake, hoping to catch a glance of red hair and amber eyes.

Gakushuu is appalled at the stupid fluffy feelings that Nanako makes him feel every single time he runs into Akabane, coupled with his own alarming feelings of embarrassment over the incident in the gym. The fluttering in his heart, the wavy pitch of his voice, all because Akabane glances over at him-

-Nanako, cut it out!

The development of Nanako’s new crush on the first boy that tried to fistfight her is… interesting, to say the least. Katsuya cackles over it. Gakushuu complains that his eyes gravitate to Akabane now whenever the boy enters his field of view, and that Nanako is always awake now to squeal in his ear.

“She,” Gakushuu says, slamming a hand on the table,”is making me feel stupid fluffy fuzzy feelings whenever i see him! I hate it!” 

He always says so with a stupid blush on his face, as if he's the one having the crush. Either that, or it's because Nanako spends every waking moment loudly talking about how she wants to bench-press Akabane. 

Yukio and Katsuya, who are also long-sufferingly subjected to Nanako’s rambles, don’t seem to face the same emotional distress over Akabane that Gakushuu is currently battling. It could be simply because they are less prone to emotional irrationality, but Yukio agrees that that would be the more boring option. 

They have a bet going about it.

“Hey, Ren.”

Ren perks up as Yukio sits next to him. “Hey, Yukio.”

It’s impressive how he can tell, especially since Yukio’s behaviour mirrors Gakushuu’s the most closely (as opposed to Nanako or Katsuya. It's pretty obvious to tell when it's either of those two - Nanako can't ever sit still, and Katsuya smiles like she's put a scorpion in your shoes or hidden a body in the air vents). 

Ren says he can tell, though, with their little mannerisms - for example, with how Yukio tends to sweep his hair back more than Gakushuu does, he stands looser (whatever that means), tends to be the quietest (save for Katsuya when she's plotting), and amongst the four he is the lightest on his feet.

“Gakushuu ran away from me when I asked him why he’s been staring at… that new kid a lot recently. You know, the one with red hair.”

Yukio rolls his eyes. “Yeah, Karma Akabane. Nanako has a crush on him.”

Ren laughs, delighted. “Really?”

"He offered to fight her and she fell in love."

"Ah, Nanako," Ren says, shaking his head. "What, is she affecting Gakushuu with it, too?"

"She's always awake now, and she just talks about him all the time. Gakushuu decided he's sick of her and he went to take a nap, so." He gestures to himself - not that it makes a difference, because he's Gakushuu .

Ren peers at him like he's trying to see into his mind. "Is Nanako awake now?"

"Well, is your name Karma Akabane?" 

Ren laughs. "Who knew all she needed was a cute boy in her class to make her pay attention in school?" 

"Pay attention in literature so she can wax poetic about his eyes."

"Well, tell her that if she ever needs to write a Japanese romance epic," Ren winks, "my services are always available."

Yukio snickers. "I'll let her know." 

Actually… “Say, Ren, you’re a romantic, right?”

“Not how I would usually introduce myself to people, but sure.” Ren leans back, eyes twinkling mischievously. “Does Nanako need some love advice?”

Yukio laughs. “No. That would be me.”

Ren raises his eyebrows. “You like someone?”

Yukio shakes his head. “I was actually wondering if you could tell me what having a crush feels like.”

“What, you’ve never had a crush before?’

“Hmm…” Yukio thinks. “None of the four of us did. Until now, that is.”

Ren leans back on an arm. “Plenty of people have had crushes on you. Back in elementary school.”

Yukio rolls his eyes. “On Gakushuu, you mean.”

“Hm… no. On you ,” Ren says. “I hear they find the quiet, contemplative and bookworm side of Gakushuu quite charming.”

“Gakushuu reads books.”

“Take the compliment.”

“Fine. I’m adorable.” 

Ren snickers at him, and Yukio elbows him in the ribs.

“What does a crush feel like?” Ren taps his cheek. “Well… have you ever thought about wanting to hold someone’s hand?”

“Is that a requirement for having a crush?” Yukio wonders aloud. “I think Nanako would want to suplex Akabane on the ground than hold his hand.”

Ren laughs. “She sure shows affection in weird ways. Handholding isn’t all there is to liking someone, I suppose.

You want to spend time with them. You’re always looking forward to hanging out, and sometimes you find yourself nervous for no reason, but sometimes you’re too excited to see them to feel nervous. You don’t think about them all the time, but the simplest things remind you of them. When you read a new book you’re excited about, you think of sharing it with them and hoping they like it, too.“ 

Ren trails off, looking oddly distracted.

Yukio tilts his head. “And you think about holding their hand?”

“Oh, hah, yes.”

Yukio smiles. “You’re very poetic. Thank you.”

“A-ah, yeah, no problem.”

“Why,” Gakushuu says, sounding incredibly exasperated, “are you reading a romance novel?”

“Hm?” Yukio idly skims the paragraph. It’s just exposition, and it's not particularly good. “I read a lot of things.”

“You don’t read romance. Oh my god.” Gakushuu keens. He has such a flair for the dramatics - Yukio  wonders where he gets it from. “Please don’t tell me you have a crush on someone too.”

Yukio laughs a little. “Nanako got me curious about romance. I’m researching.”

“Oh,” Gakushuu says, sighing in relief. “Yeah. Research sounds like a good thing to do.”

“Mhm,” Yukio says, flipping a page. “It's normal to have crushes as people grow older. It's also normal to never get any."

Gakushuu is silent for a moment. "Do you have a crush, Yukio?"

"Hm, no, I don't believe I do." Yukio hums. "How about you?"

"None, either," Gakushuu says.

"Really?" Oh, Katsuya is awake. "You seem to get a little flustered around Akabane~"

Gakushuu splutters, adorably red. "T-that's because of Nanako! And because I tripped over thin air while standing and knocked into him! Nothing else!"

Yukio can hear both Nanako and Katsuya laughing at him.

Katsuya has her hands folded on her lap. She nods to them. “Fellow associates.”

“Hey.” Sup.” “Hi, Katsuya.”

Katsuya clears her throat. “I’ve called you all here today to discuss something of utmost importance. I’ve observed the school culture and social hierarchy over the past few weeks, and I’ve drafted out a plan for how we can secure the most influential spot within the school to ensure that our standing is optimal.”

Nanako says, “what?”

Katsuya looks at her, unimpressed. “We are running for student council president.”

“Oh!” Nanako brightens. “That’d be fun!”

Katsuya grins at her. “It is the highest possible position that a student can attain in this educational institution. It will allow us to oversee student affairs and ensure that everything runs smoothly.”

Gakushuu raises an eyebrow at her. “And?”

Katsuya laughs. “Support from the student body will allow us to keep some standing against the Principal’s regime.”

“Alright,” Gakushuu says. “Isn’t it a little too early to run for council president?”

“We’re not going to run now ,: Katsuya says. “While we do have a lot of connections in our cohort now, we don’t have enough of a presence with the second and third years. My main concern is that we are the Principal’s son, after all - we might be accused of nepotism, which will hurt our standing instead. We need to build appropriate connections and convince our seniors of our own personal capabilities first.”

Nanako looks at Gakushuu.

“We have to make more friends, especially with the seniors.”

Katsuya sighs. “While the both of you were flirting with Akabane-”

“He’s so cute, right?” “I wasn’t flirting!”

“-I have come up with a list of targets you all should approach,” Katsuya says. She hands them imaginary slips of paper. “This one is Gakushuu’s, this one is Nanako’s… Yukio. Yukio?”

“Hm?”

“Yukio, are you listening to me?”

Yukio blinks. “Yeah. we’re becoming student council president.”

Katsuya crosses her arms.

Gakushuu nudges Yukio. “What are you thinking of?”

“Oh.” He looks down at the list of names that Katsuya has slid under his nose. “We need a student council with us, right?”

Katsuya’s eyes light up. “Yukio, that’s brilliant. I’ll start filtering candidates for our council right now.” 

Nanako jumps out of her seat. “Karma Akabane.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Ren Sakakibara?”

“Hm. Yes.” Katsuya scribbles it down. “He is our loyal and useful right hand man, it will do good to have him continue by our side. As for the rest of our potential committee members... I'll get to everyone about that. Although...“

"What is it?"

Katsuya looks up, eyes gleaming. "It's almost the end of the first month. You know what happens to the first years."

"...Ah," Gakushuu says with dismay. The first combined school assembly.

Chapter Text

The first month at Kunugigaoka passes like that - the excitement and novelty of a new environment and new friends to make, the beginnings of a new chapter in everyone’s lives.

Of course, Gakushuu knows what is coming next.

The beginning of May marks the first ever school-wide assembly, and for the first time, the first year students meet the second and third year student body. Classes 2-A, 2-B, 2-C, 2-D, 3-A, 3-B, 3-C, 3-D… and 3-E.

At the podium on the stage, Principal Asano speaks. 

Gakushuu knew this was coming, of course - but it’s more disconcerting to hear it in public, to see everyone turn to him almost in unison with their faces begging for explanations because for all they know, that’s his father up there.

Gakuhou Asano talks about the strong and the weak and dying and death, just like he always did to Gakushuu - and Gakushuu can’t help but feel, oddly, like he had been his father’s practice run.

There was a difference, between standing across your father as he dragged you out of the cupboard and told you you would die if you didn’t listen to him -- versus standing with your entire school class and watching as a teacher rants and raves about the importance of good grades. 

It reminds Gakushuu, a little hysterically, about all those “they won’t be so lenient to you in middle school” speeches that his elementary school teachers would give them. “It won’t be so easy in the real world,” his father says.

The second and third years nod along almost passively - and glance over, at the first years where the Principal’s own son stands, whispering amongst themselves. They’ve been exposed to his father’s philosophy already - they listen, passive, and they wonder aloud if Gakushuu is anything like his family.

On the far right of the hall, 3-E has their heads lowered.

Next to him, Ren looks apologetic, as someone else tugs roughly at his arm and Gakushuu hears them loudly whisper, “is Asano also crazy like this?”

In his head, Nanako hisses, like a disgruntled cat. 

Principal Asano dismisses them from the assembly.

Gakushuu has been dreading this confrontation since he entered Kunugigaoka, but he doesn’t know what to say as his schoolmates filter out of the hall back to his class - he gets looks, of disgust and terror and anger and incredulity directed at him.

He feels like he’s in elementary school again.

Students jump out of his way as he walks down the hallway, whispers following him. Gakushuu cannot even defend himself - did they not just watch his father threaten to condemn them if their grades weren’t high enough, not five minutes ago?

Akabane - the only one out of the crowd to approach him, other than Ren - grabs his arm in the hallway. “What the fuck was that, Asano. You knew that was happening, didn’t you?”

Gakushuu winces at him. “Sorry.”

Akabane glares. “You’re fucked up.”

Gakushuu watches Akabane leave. 

“Sorry, Nanako,” he says.

“He doesn’t matter,” Nanako dismisses. “You okay, Gakushuu?”

“Yeah.” Gakushuu weaves through the crowd. Someone throws a balled-up piece of tissue at him. He feels Nanako’s well-meaning flare of anger at it, but he doesn’t bother turning around to find out who.

Yukio says, “How are you feeling?”

Gakushuu closes his eyes. “Like I’m eight again.”

“Just let me know if you need me to take over, okay?” Yukio says.

“Thanks,” Gakushuu says.

“Me too,” Nanako offers.

“I love you, but you’re going to end up in a fight with someone. No.”

“Don’t worry, this situation is temporary,” Katsuya says. “I’m formulating a plan right now.”

“Leave it to the mean girl to know how to win the game,” Nanako says.

“No problem,” Katsuya says wryly.

The staff walk on eggshells - as they do usually at the beginning of the year, as the start of the Principal’s indoctrination first breeds apprehension and distrust from the students. They always act out at the staff, first, to rebel against the system, but as the Principal sows seeds of doubt into their heads, their resolves will slowly wither. As the months go by, it would be fear, and then weariness, and finally acceptance.

But the staff are even more wary around Gakushuu's reactions - having watched him grow up for the past four years on the sidelines, they are no doubt anticipating his reactions. It’s not as if the Principal’s teachings at home are a tightly kept secret after all. No one would assume he would preach about strength in school and employ a completely different ideal at home. They’ve seen Gakushuu when he was at the worst of his childhood - his current 1-A teacher was one of the staff that stumbled across him crying in the third floor restrooms around the same period of time that the Principal was refining his discipline methods for both his household and the rest of the student body, and there aren't many conclusions you can draw from that. There are a handful of new staff by now as the school rapidly grows, and Gakushuu can only wonder what kind of discussions they have about the Asanos in the quiet of the staff room.

He’s twelve now, going on thirteen by the end of the academic year. Gakushuu would like to think he's matured a lot - learnt about and now understands himself a lot better. (He never did thank Naiko for helping him with the internet, and Gakushuu thinks that Gakuhou would get mad if he found out.) 

“Alright,” Katsuya says. “Lay low with your current cohort right now, okay? You should take this time to approach the second and third years.”

“Because our seniors already know me and might have more sympathy?” Gakushuu guesses.

“Yes.” Katsuya says. “Remember, your classmates are useless and they’ll never bully you more than I did.”

“Thanks. That does make me feel better.”

The next three days Gakushuu dodges dirty looks from his schoolmates and finds himself spending more time with his second and third year seniors, who know who he is. Gakushuu has met most of them in passing, had conversations with a few more. 

They are all moderately nicer to him. Of course the current 3-E seniors avoid him, but he doesn't blame them. Of course they would. They don't hold as much animosity towards him as the first batch of 3-E students do, as the current 3-E students would still have watched him grow up with them from when they first enrolled, but it's self preservation more than anything. 

Gakushuu scarcely remembers the first 3-E class, and how much they disliked him just on association to his father. 

(“Hey, that’s the Principal’s kid.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s like, nine, I think. Or ten.”

“Daddy dearest never told him not to go up the mountain where the feral kids are?”

“What- oh, come on, man. He’s like, nine.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Don’t try. You’ll get expelled.”

“We’re in E-class. Expulsion is an upgrade.”

“You think the rumors are true? I heard the kid’s crazy.”

“ Dude .”

“I heard it from a friends’ younger sister. He had to transfer elementary schools. He used to talk to himself and cry a lot in class and shit.”

“If I had the Principal for a father, I’d go crazy too.”

“Maybe he’s got like, a problem .”

“Guys, I don’t think we should be talking like this.”

“I meant like, depression or something.”

“He’s nine?”

“I’m pretty sure you can get a mental illness at any age.”

“What’s he got to be depressed about?”

“I don’t know, the Principal is his dad?” 

“I wonder what his mom is like.”

“He doesn’t have one. Saki asked him about it a while ago. That’s why he’s here all the time.”

“Divorce or dead?”

“ Dude. ”

“Probably dead. I don’t think any judge will give custody to the Principal.”

“Unless the mom was worse. A criminal or a drug addict.”

“ We are going to get expelled .”

“I hear you can get addicted to drugs in the womb if your mother takes them.”

“The kid’s not tripping on acid.”

“He’s talking to himself, right?”

“Well, he’s not on drugs, idiot. That’s the depression.”

“Depression doesn’t make you talk to yourself, dumbass.”

“Really? What does?”

“Schizophrenia, or something. I don’t know.”)

(“Gakushuu,” Nanako says. “They’re talking about you.”

“I know.” Gakushuu says. “What’s acid?”

“A dangerous liquid that burns,” Yukio says.

“Why would I trip on it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s slippery. It is a liquid, after all.”)

In the end, they were still nicer than his then-elementary school classmates.

Just last year, Gakushuu judo-threw one of the then-second year students in the school gymnasium, and an hour later got berated by his father in front of the class of then-1-A and B students for failing the middle school math paper (“you’re supposed to be mastering this material next year, are you even doing your assessments?”) . So yes, it was safe to say that the seniors were familiar with Gakushuu.

“Hey, little Asano!” Jyu waves to him. “Man, it’s weird seeing you here during school hours instead of after. How’s the first month of class?”

“Okay. Kind of boring.” Gakushuu says.

“Yeah, bet you’ve already memorized all the middle school material, huh,” Yuki says. “Bet you’re the top of the class, huh?”

“We haven’t had our tests yet, so I don’t know,” Gakushuu shrugs.

“So how’s your new class? How are your classmates?”

Gakushuu says, “they hate me.”

Ana winces sympathetically. “Because of the assembly?”

“Yep.”

“It’s okay, man.” Jyu claps him on the back. “Give them a week or two. They’ll realize it’s your dad that’s crazy and not you.”

“Hey,” Katsuya suddenly says. “What did you say about the test?”

“Huh?” Gakushuu thinks. “Our first midterms?”

“Yeah. When are they?”

“Next week. Why?”

“I might have a plan. I’ll get back to you on that.”

In the next week, Gakuhou holds another assembly.

And the thing is, the thing is , Gakushuu has been on the receiving end of those lectures. He can see it on his classmates faces - the beginnings of disbelief and confusion and uncertainty as they digest the Principal’s words. They start wondering if he's right. 

Because the thing is, the thing is , it’s not as if Gakuhou was ever… wrong.

Everything he says always makes sense. It’s never wrong . It's like one of those "hard truths" that people say you need to learn - it makes you feel uncomfortable and sad, but it's still true.

Yukio learnt a new word, called ethics.

Everyone leaves this assembly a lot more nervous and a lot more confused. His classmates shoot Gakushuu perplexed and pleading looks.

Katsuya says, “alright. Let’s meet again tonight.”

“You figured something out?”

“I did, but I don’t like it.”

“You don’t like any plan that involves me being nice to people.”

"You guys are really not going to like this one."

Gakushuu's jaw drops. “You want me to get an eighty percent for our midterm?!”

Even Yukio is gaping at Katsuya. “Gakuhou will kill us.”

Katsuya hums. “That’s what I’m counting on.”

Gakushuu stares at her, thinking. “If Father gets mad at me… you want to show everyone that I’m just as part of the same system they’re in.”

Katsuya smiles. “It’s an us-against-them situation now, and unfortunately for us, everyone has grouped you in with the ‘them’, being associated with the Principal. You need a way to cement yourself back in the ranks of the common folk and prove that you’re not exempt from the consequences either.”

Yukio’s eyes glint. “You want to play the sympathy card?”

“Yes.” Katsuya says. “That’s what I’m counting on.”

“Father’s going to be furious.”

“I know. I don’t like it either.” Katsuya sighs. “But I’ve weighed the pros and cons of the situation. This will be beneficial in the long run. We won’t be able to make it very far up the social hierarchy without support from your cohort.”

Nanako looks up. “We should do a ninety percent.”

Katsuya frowns at her. “No, that’s cutting too close. The Principal might not be angry enough to stage a confrontation.”

“Well,” Nanako says. “ We can be the ones to stage a confrontation.”

They stare at each other for a beat.

“He always uses the first midterms as an excuse to tell the first years what a disappointment they are for being the so-called top students in the nation,” Nanako says. “I bet I can get him riled up enough to call us stupid .”

Ah, Nanako. While Katsuya plots and schemes in the background, who else is truly as formidable on any battlefield as their Nanako?

“Alright,” Katsuya says, grinning. “We’re counting on you, then.” She turns. “Then of course, we pass the ball to you.”

Gakushuu points at himself. “Me?”

“Of course!” Katsuya says brightly. “You have the most pathetic looking face out of the all of us.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Yukio hides a snicker behind his hand. “You have the best fake I’m-trying-not-to-cry-but-I’m-hiding-it-badly smile.”

Gakushuu shoots him a look. “You have the best I’m-trying-really-hard-to-get-you-to-leave-me-alone smile.”

Yukio smiles innocently. “But that’s not what we’re going for, is it?”

“Besides,” Nanako says, leaning over the table to pinch one of Gakushuu’s cheeks. “You’re baby. You’re our baby. You’re the cutest.”

Katsuya takes a slow sip of imaginary-coffee to hide her grin.

The first midterms arrive. Gakushuu scores an exact ninety percent.

Gakuhou, fuming, glares at the cohort of quivering first year students.

“All of you,” he snaps, “have fallen short of expectations.”

Classes 1-A to D are gathered in the hall. Gakushuu does a cursory glance at the test scripts - as expected, the marks range from the mid-nineties percentages to the higher seventies in A-class, and the average drops as they go down the alphabet. There are five people with higher grades that Gakushuu - father must be fuming that he didn’t even make top five.

The highest grade, Akabane, has a ninety eight. He is sulking at the back of class, glaring holes in both Gakushuu and Gakuhou.

Gakuhou continues reaming into them for the next ten minutes. "All of you are supposed to be the top of your elementary schools."

"Do you all want to be weak?"

"Do you think that your employers are going to give you a chance if you present these kinds of results to them?"

“I expect to see better from all of you-”

“-Sir,” Nanako interrupts.

The students gape. The few teachers in the hall with them gasp.

Gakuhou turns, and glares. Yep, he’s definitely pissed. “If you have a question,” he says, in a deceptively pleasant tone, “you should wait until the end of my speech before interrupting.”

Nanako clears her throat. “Of course, sir. But it’s less of a question than a criticism.”

Even Ren shoots her an incredulous, do-you-want-to-die look? 

Gakuhou’s eyes flash dangerously. “Oh?”

Nanako folds her arms across her chest. “I have observed the proceedings of this school for the past four years. Every year, one and a half months into the school term, the first-year students take their first midterms and produce what you deem unsatisfactory grades. From an observer’s standpoint, with such a consistent pattern of results and only one consistent variable, wouldn’t it be more reasonable to assume that the fault lies not with the students but with the first one and a half months of curriculum?”

There is a long, drawn out silence.

(“Okay,” Gakushuu says, coughing awkwardly. “You may have overdone it a little.”

“Did I?” Nanako looks worried. “It was the first insult I could think of.”

“You should have gone with a more neutral statement,” Yukio says. “I think he would have been aggravated no matter what you said. You just insulted his baby.”

“That’s a little dramatic, isn’t it?” Gakushuu says. “ I’m his baby.”

“Well he did run an entire school to the ground when a bunch of people insulted you,” Yukio points out.)

“Asano,” the Principal says. “Won’t you see me in my office after this assembly?”

(Katsuya quickly assesses the situation. “Hm,” she says eloquently. “I think we’re dead.”)

“Wow,” Katsuya says. “Great fake crying face, Gakushuu.”

“I-I’m n-not f-f-faking it!”

“Woah, hey, little Asano.”

“H-h-h-hi, Jyu.”

“I heard what you did in the assembly,” Jyu says, kneeling down. He wipes Gakushuu’s face with a tissue. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your classroom.”

“I-I-I can’t g-g-go to c-c-class like t-t-this!” Gakushu blubbers.

(“No, actually, it’s a good opportunity,” Katsuya says. “Sympathy card, remember? It's the prime opportunity to get everyone to empathize with you again."

Yukio nods. "You have a very cute crying face," he says. "I'm sure they won't be able to resist you."

Even Katsuya shoots him a perplexed look at that. "What the fuck, Yukio.")

Gakushuu protests, “a-a-at least g-g-give me a min-minute!”

Jyu pats his head. “You’re going to get into way more trouble if you miss first period.”

“Ugh, f-fine.”

Jyu knocks on the door of the 1-A classroom and peeks in, waving at the juniors, before pushing Gakushuu through. Gakushuu’s homeroom teacher stares at them, baffled.

“Don’t mind me, Hana-Sensei,” Jyu says. “I’m just here to drop him off.” He pats Gakushuu’s head like he’s nine. 

Gakushuu bats at his hand, sniffling.

His classmates stare wordlessly.

Gakushuu puts on his best real I’m-trying-not-to-cry-but-I’m-hiding-it-badly smile.

The class explodes into chatters. Hana-sensei awkwardly ushers Gakushuu to his seat and pats his shoulder oddly, and then tries her best to get the attention of the class, who are now pointing and whispering.

When he settles down, Ren leans over and whispers, “you okay, Gakushuu? You have your I’m-acting-like-I’m-trying-not-to-cry-but-I’m-hiding-it-badly-but-I’m-actually-trying-not-to-cry-for-real smile.”

“Do I l-look okay?” Gakushuu says, perhaps a little bit louder than necessary. “God, if t-th-that man hates children so much, w-why did he even h-h-have me in the f-f-first place?”

Ren bursts into startled giggles, and then looks horrified at himself for finding that funny. That doesn’t stop the rest of his classmates from laughing. 

Hana-sensei claps her hands together and looks to the ceiling.

Gakushuu doesn’t actually manage to stop crying (Nanako cries with him too, so their shared emotional reinforcement is perhaps why), so Yukio has to take over. Katsuya obviously can't take over or she'll undo all their hard work by immediately being cutting and critical. Yukio may have only three expressions, but two of them are calm and approachable. (The last one is carefully judgmental, also known as his I’m-trying-really-hard-to-get-you-to-leave-me-alone smile.)

The moment he notices, Ren gives him a small little wave in the middle of class, which would seem like a very odd gesture to everyone else.

The class breaks for recess, and the students start milling out, but not before shooting uncertain looks at Yukio - well, at Gakushuu . Yukio can hear Katsuya and Gakushuu in heated debate on their next steps so he doesn’t bother dwelling on it.

He’s just about to head for Ren, though, when two of the class girls approach him.

Gakushuu pauses in his conversation. “Hikaru, glasses, Saya, dark hair,” he offers, and then turns back to Katsuya.

Yukio smiles as cordially as he can. “Hikaru, Saya,” he greets. 

“Um, hey, Asano,” Says says. She stares at Hikaru for a beat, then turns back to Yukio, cheeks red. “We just, um, wanted to say that we thought it was cool that you stood up for all of us during assembly just now.”

Katsuya smacks Gakushuu on the head with affectoion - Yukio feels her smug satisfaction. Nanako says, “hell yeah!”

Yukio nods. “His verbal abuse is unwarranted. I have been on the receiving end of it many times, myself, and I don’t think it’s fair to have that treatment extended to everyone.”

“Yeah…” Hikaru says. “We’re sorry we were kind of like… ignoring you, at first. But you’ve always been nice to us, so I guess you’re not really like your father.”

Yukio smiles. “Thank you.”

"Yukio," Ren swings an arm over his shoulder. "Now I know why Gakushuu didn't tell me your plans."

Yukio smiles serenely. "Because he knew you would try to stop us?"

Ren nods. "Because he knew I would have tried to stop you. And speaking of - what the hell, man."

Yukio says, deadpan, "it was Gakushuu and Katsuya's idea."

"I see," Ren says. "Well I can't kill Katsuya, so I'll have to kill Gakushuu twice."

("Hey!" Gakushuu says.)

Yukio nods solemnly. "A sacrifice we will all have to make."

("Hey!!!")

Chapter Text

“Asano, I know what you’re doing”

Katsuya tilts her head, raising an eyebrow. “Oh?” 

“You are attempting to upend my own philosophy to build your own base of support.” The Principal looks at her thoughtfully, and then smiles, thin and slow. “I’m impressed.”

Katsuya’s eyes glitter. The Principal may have taught her that she should have the strength to make it to the top, but it is her alters that have made her realize she’d go farther, with people supporting her. “Thank you.”

The principal laughs. “Alright. I’ll let you take your victory this time. But word of warning, Asano?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Pull a stunt like that again, and I’ll have to punish you for your blatant disrespect for authority. I can’t be showing favoritism to you, can I?”

“Of course not, sir. I wouldn’t expect you to.”

Akabane stumbles across her at an inopportune time, just after her meeting with her insufferable legal guardian. 

“Hey, Asano-”

“What?” Katsuya snaps, and Akabane recoils, startled at her sudden hostility.

Ah, shit.

“Give me a moment,” Katsuya says to him. Gakushuu, wake up!

“I’m here, I’m here,” Gakushuu says to her. “Oh.”

Akabane blinks at them, confused.

Gakushuu blinks, and then smiles. “Hi, Akabane. Sorry for snapping at you, you startled me.”

“...yeah, it’s fine.” Akabane crosses his arms. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Why did you join this school?”

Gakushuu smiles cordially at him. “Well, I won’t deny that one reason is because my father runs this school. But this school does have good prospects, and-”

“I heard you were bullied in elementary school.”

Gakushuu’s eyes widen. He feels Katsuya snap to attention.

“Everyone was talking about it, in those past few days when people started ignoring you again.” Akabane stares at him with a calculated gaze that reminds Gakushuu of Nanako - looking for someone’s weak points. “That’s why you’re here, right? So your dad can protect you?”

Gakushuu says, “is that what you think?”

Akabane pauses. He stares at Gakushuu for a beat, hesitating.

He says, instead, “you’re a great actor, Asano.”

Gakushuu says, “am I?”

Akabane says, “why don’t you tell me?”

They stare at each other like wild cats circling. Gakushuu, who may not be as vicious or as confrontational as his counterparts, he has still spent the better part of his childhood facing down Gakuhou. Katsuya stays silent.

Finally, Akabane says, “I look forward to you actually putting in some effort for our next examination.”

Gakushuu smiles at him. “As do I, Akabane.”

“He’s dangerous.”

Katusya is prodding Nanako’s brain for everything she remembers about Karma Akabane. He’s incredibly intelligent and observant - he’s the top scorer for their examinations, and he can detect the awkward switches between the alters - or, in Akabane’s layman understanding, Gakushuu’s acting . He’s also confrontational, and he dislikes Gakuhou’s system. 

“If he poses too much of a threat, we have to get rid of him,” Katsuya says.

Nanako pouts. “Do we have to? I’m sure I can fight him if we need to.”

Yukio looks up, lips pursed, and then nudges Gakushuu.

Gakushuu frowns at him. What?

Yukio nudges Gakushuu again.

“What?”

Yukio nudges Gakushuu a third time. “Aren’t you going to say anything? You want to be his friend.”

Nanako and Katsuya’s gazes snap towards him with uncanny synchronization.

Gakushuu gives Yukio a dirty look. 

“I mean… he reminds me a lot of Nanako,” Gakushuu mumbles.

Katsuya stares, unimpressed. “He hates you.”

Nanako shrugs. “Gakushuu befriends people who hate him. I don’t know why you’re surprised.”

Katsuya yanks her chair out from under her.

“I think he would be a useful ally,” Gakushuu says. “If we can get him to trust us.”

“Well,” Nanako says, her fluffy head popping up from the other side of the table, “ I’m all for this idea. Katsuya?”

Katsuya crosses her arms. “I want to say no.”

Nanako waggles her brows. “...but?”

She sighs. “But you have a frankly stupid high success rate, and I have to admit I’m curious to know what can come out of an alliance with Akabane.”

Nanako pokes her. “You can say friends, you know.”

“You are my least favorite acquaintance.”

And it would have been a nice plan, that is, if Akabane didn’t land himself in class 1-D.

He had gotten into a fight with one of the other 1-A students by the name of Seo, whose parents’ influential standing almost rivalled Gakuhou’s own. Akabane’s own parents were absent from the disciplinary hearing, and so he was unanimously demoted quite unceremoniously down to the class with the lowest social standing.

Interacting with the students from the other classes wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing, as Gakushuu - if he was aiming for student council president - would need to present a good front to all students. The current 1-D class wasn’t a death sentence after all, as this ranking was decided by their entrance exams, and there were still two whole years to go before the 3-E students will be singled out, so anything could happen, really.

It was just a issue of time and convenience, because Gakushuu’s schedule didn’t really allow him a lot of opportunity to speak to anyone outside his classes or his many, many, many   extracurriculars, and it seemed that Akabane didn’t join any of the same clubs or activities that Gakushuu has.

In fact, it seemed like Akabane didn’t join any of the clubs and activities at all.

There wasn’t a restriction to the number of extracurricular commitments a single student could take, a rule likely created to accommodate over-achievers like him, so obviously Gakushuu attends the first few sessions for all of them. 

It, too, gives him a lot of good opportunities to get to know all the students in his cohort, who have warmed up to him significantly in the wake of his open defiance against the Principal.

In the few months that follow, he has to whittle down his commitments as he allocates more time and effort into some - he drops Astronomy and Art as he is taken up on the school Soccer and Basketball school teams. He gives up baseball and tennis for badminton (Yukio enjoys methodologically ‘tok’ sounds as he hits something with a long stick), swaps out dance and choir for band (turns out Katsuya quite likes the violin), and just decides to stop turning up for track because he’s running everywhere anyways.

Katsuya makes many notes on everyone and picks out her potential student council members, other than - obviously - Ren. 

Surprisingly, Seo is one. “He never shuts the fuck up,” Katsuya says with distaste as she marks his name down anyways, because “we need an information gatherer, for the lack of a better word, to keep us updated on the school proceedings because even we can’t be everywhere at once. Things would be so much more efficient if we were actually four different people.” And besides, Seo has somehow developed a strange attachment to Gakushuu after the Akabane incident - for reasons why Gakushuu doesn’t know, because he wasn’t remotely involved in the Akabane incident at all.

Koyama, also from A class, is another. He’s a student in the Chemistry club with a keen eye for equations and the fourth place runner for the midterms. His one characteristic feature that caught Katsuya’s attention is his… uh… attachment. To Gakushuu.

Katsuya says, “he likes you.”

Gakushuu says, “what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, obviously, he’ll do what you tell him to. And he’s smart enough for that to be important.”

Another person she picks up is another A class student named Araki, who as a bonus scored second with ninety six marks in the midterms just after Akabane. He is in the Broadcasting Club. Katsuya thinks it is very important to have an “insider” involved in the communications and the distribution of information in the school. It was Yukio’s suggestion, actually - “words can alter perceptions, you know. Who knows how far you can get if you’re allowed to change a word or two in a script?”

“You,” Katsuya says, “are an evil genius.”

Yukio peeks up at her over the edge of his book. “Thank you.”

Gakushuu ties his total with Karma Akabane, 1-D, in the first semester finals. Akabane loses two more marks in Mathematics, Gakushuu loses two in Social Studies.

Gakushuu inclines his head, when he runs into Akabane in the hallway. “Congratulations.”

Akabane smiles at him, all sharp teeth. “You too, Asano .”

Gakushuu sighs. “He hates me.”

Katsuya snorts.

The first finals results, however, and the rankings that came with it, seems to solidify the Kunugigaoka hierarchy. Nanako’s initial act of defiance is slowly forgotten, as actual proof of results are displayed all across the school board.

Gakushuu can’t even say that his father is wrong .

Because the thing is, it was never that his father is ever incorrect in his assumptions about the way the world worked - it was true that smarter and stronger people could get better things in life, and it was true that less intelligent and weaker people often lose out. And it was also true that sometimes, sometimes , losing out led to dying . 

No one could say, logically, that the Principal was wrong. Not Gakushuu, who listened to him for eleven years going on twelve, not the Kunugigaoka teachers who sometimes frowned at his words but never said anything because they knew he was telling the truth, not the students who hated everything he said and knew that he was right.

And it wasn’t just the Principal, is the thing. Gakuhou was a teacher, but he is - and he started first as - a parent. And which parent wants their child to fare poorly, in grades or in their life?

Gakushuu sees it when it happens - his classmates with higher grades hold their head high as their parents set their expectations even higher, and his classmates with lower grades cower and sink even lower.

This is how the ship sinks.

And, incidentally, the Titanic makes Gakushuu more popular.

“Can you help me with this question?”

“I don’t suppose you can sneak a peek at the next test’s questions right?”

“Do you want to come to our study session later?”

“Are you coming for club tomorrow?”

“Can you proofread my essay?”

“Um, can I borrow your notes?”

“Is the answer to this question-”

“Sorry, let me borrow Asano for a bit,” Ren says, poking his head out from the crowd. He gets clear best friend privileges, which is an unspoken rule forged in the code of honor for middle schoolers, and everyone part ways with waves and goodbyes.

Ren slings an arm across the boy. “I could feel you panic from across the room, Yukio.”

Yukio sighs. “Thank you.”

Ren laughs. “Alright. I know how much introverts like you and Katsuya need your alone time. I’m going to-”

“You should stay,” Yukio interrupts. “If you leave now, people are going to bother me again.”

Ren smiles brilliantly. “We can read together.”

Yukio nods, then pauses. “Gakushuu and Nanako say hi.”

“What are they doing?”

“Gossiping about Akabane.” Yukio says. “Ah, ow. Fine, Nanako’s gossiping about Akabane, Gakushuu's subjected to listening.”

Ren giggles. “Don’t be mean to Yukio, Gakushuu.”

Yukio blinks. “Gakushuu pinched me.”

“He’s taking after Nanako too much.”

Yukio wrinkles his nose. “How terrifying.”

“Come on, let’s go to the library.”

As their schedules open up, Nanako finally gets a reunion spar with an old friend.

“Holy shit, Tsubara,” Nanako gasps, eyes glittering, as Tsubara pulls her up from the mat.

“You’ve gotten better, Gakushuu,” Tsubara says, grinning.

“Dude,” Nanako says. “ You kicked my ass.”

Tsubara sheepishly rubs the back of his head. “Aw, thanks, I’ve been training.”

“So have I!” Nanako punches him lightly in the arm. “Well, not as good as you, apparently!”

“Ah,” Tsubara says, scratching the back of his neck. “I missed you at those competitions, you know? I was hoping to see you again.”

“Ah, well,” Nanako shrugs. “My father pulled me out of those for a while, and then I changed school districts.”

The nosedive that Gakushuu’s grades took the next year after Katsuya’s first few appearances prompted Gakuhou to focus solely on Gakushuu’s academics, pulling him out of his extracurriculars and competitions. Following which, she supposes that even someone like Gakuhou must have a heart, letting Gakushu recuperate quietly for the next few months before his subsequent transfer.

His transfer of schools, however, put him in a different school district from Tsubara, and so their competitions no longer crossed paths.

Tsubara’s voice becomes soft. “Yes, I heard about that… I’m sorry that happened to you.”

Nanako shrugs. “Yeah, it wasn’t great.”

“I know a couple of people were giving you a harder time too, after the first midterms,” Tsubara says. “If you need help with anything, you can always let me know.”

Nanako beams at him, and then pounces on him in a bear-hug. “Thank you, Tsubara! You’re the best!”

“A-ak!” Tsubara turns red. “N-no problem!”

Nanako giggles. “We have to spar again, okay? I need to get better. You can teach me the new things you’ve learnt. Maybe we can join this years’ district competition again...”

She trails off, noticing Tsubara has fallen silent, and is now looking at her with a little smile on his face.

“What?”

He shrugs a shoulder. “It’s nice to see you smiling more.”

Nanako pauses, tilting her head thoughtfully. “Yeah?”

“I know we didn’t get to talk earlier this year because we were in different classes and all, but… well, I won’t say sad , but you were quiet all the time. Then I heard about what happened to you in elementary school and I just felt… bad for you. I know we didn’t meet again after that one competition, but I remember you being such a nice person.”

Nanako blinks at him, suddenly emotional. “Oh, Tsubara…” She hugs him again. “I want to be your best friend.”

Tsubara pats her back. “I thought Sakakibara is your best friend?”

Sakakibara already has Gakushuu and Yukio - Nanako is sure he wouldn’t mind. “I can have more than one best friend.”

Tsubara laughs. “Okay.”

(Aww, how touching.

Nanako almost jumps. “Oh, god, Katsuya! Were you here this whole time?”

“Of course I am. I’m awake to observe everyone’s interactions with us to pick persons of interests.”

“Creep. What do you think?”

“Tsubara will be useful to have around, but he is in B-class, so he won’t be a candidate for the student council.”

“Is class the only thing that matters to you?”

“Of course not,” Katsuya sniffs. “I take into account many things. We have to spread our influence not just from the top, but from the bottom, too. We need people within the common student population as well who can support us, and he seems like an ideal candidate. There are obviously people - like you - who listen to their peer group more than authority figures.”

“ You don’t listen to authority figures.”

“I will listen to an authority figure when they prove their superiority to me.”

“You’re so weird, Katsuya.”)

{“Hey, guys?” Nanako says.

“Yeah?” Gakushuu says.

“I have a crush on Tsubara.”

“No! No! Stop! Stop!!!” )

Nanako is walking past the gym on the way to the court when she stumbles on the girls’ gymnastics club. 

Okano leapt into the air, does a backflip, and then lands softly on the gym mat. She gets up, dusts herself off, and briefly catches Nanako’s eyes. Waves, smiles, and goes back to her team.

“Oh my god,” Nanako says.

Gakushuu says, “no! No! No!”

(“You,” Katsuya says to Nanako, “are a menace.” 

Yukio takes notes.)

“Akkk!’

“Oh,” Yukio blinks. “I’m sorry for startling you.”

The girl - Kanzaki from 1-B, Gakushuu whispers to him - places a hand on her chest, eyes wide. “I-it’s okay. Um, can I help you with anything?”

“Kanzaki, right? I just wanted to ask what the library code is for the book you’re holding.”

“It’s…” Kanzaki looks down at her book. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t borrow this from the, um, library. It’s my own.”

“Oh,” Yukio blinks. “Okay, then. Sorry for bothering you-”

“Wait! Um, if you’re interested in reading it, I can… lend it to you once I’m done.”

“Oh, thank you,” Yukio says, a little startled. “I can just look for the book elsewhere, but-”

“Say yes, idiot,” Nanako hisses to him.

Yukio blurts, “yes.”

Kanzaki stares at him.

Yukio clears his throat. “I mean. If you don’t mind.”

Kanzaki blinks, smiles, and brings the book up to her face. “I’ll look for you once I’m done with it?”

“Alright,” Yukio says to Kanzaki, and waves, and then walks away so he can say to Nanako, “what?”

Nanako says, “Katsuya says we have to make friends.”

Yukio finds that hard to believe. Not that Katsuya didn’t say those words (she would never use the word friends, but the concept of forming connections seemed like a very Katsuya thing to say), but because: “since when do you listen to Katsuya?”

Nanako giggles. “Okay, okay. I just think you should make friends. You don’t go talk to anyone.”

Yukio frowns. “I talk to people all the time.”

“You talk to people when they talk to you.” Nanako corrects. “This is the first person you’ve gone up to on your own.”

“To find out what book she’s reading.”

“It counts as a social interaction, okay? If Gakushuu was here, he’d agree with me.”

“...where is Gakushuu?”

“Probably freaking out with Katsuya.”

“...why?”

“You want me to sing in front of the school?!”

“Yes,” Katsuya nods.

“Why???”

“Because,” Katsuya says as patiently as possible, “people like boys who can sing and play guitar.”

Gakushuu stares at her. “This is Yukio’s idea, isn’t it.”

Katsuya laughs. “It wasn’t his suggestion, per say, to get you to sing... but he brought up the concept and I found it interesting.”

Gakushuu stares.

Katsuya smiles serenely at him. "Musical talents are great ways to procure the attentions of your love interests. Or in this case, your future election voters."

“He’s been reading too many romance books,” Gakushuu mutters to himself. “This is all Nanako’s fault.”

Katsuya leans forward, eyes glittering. “There is the end-of-year performance, right? You should grasp that opportunity to win over the hearts of the common folk.”

Gakushuu bites his lip. “But…”

“You learnt to play the guitar for a reason,” Katsuya says, poking him. 

“I don’t know how to sing.”

“That’s a lie. You think you’re alone in the shower?”

“Why do you have to say it like that?!”

Gakushuu comes in first place for the next midterms. Akabane, second. Araki gets third, Ren and Koyama tie for fourth, and Seo gets fifth.

Katsuya makes notes against her candidate list proudly. 

The student rankings shuffle again - but not by a lot. With the exception of Akabane, it looks like people have mostly settled into their classes. That’s not surprising, because that is how the distribution of resources work.

The students in the top A class get the better teachers, the more prestigious opportunities, more work ot help them improve - so they stay good. Conversely, the children in the bottom D class get the more inexperienced teachers, the less time allocated to their studies, because why waste resources on a group of people that are least likely to succeed? And of course they won’t be the ones sent out for school events and competitions because they were in the bottom tier. But that simply seeks to keep them in the bottom tier. 

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, if anything. Very hypocritical, because isn’t learning supposed to help you improve?

But for all that Gakushuu finds flaws in the system, he never says anything to Gakuhou. How is he supposed to? 

None of his alters want him to, either. They’re finally at a good place and it’s hard to think of giving any of that up. Of course, Katsuya’s the least concerned about the morality of things amongst the four of them, but Gakushuu privately admits he has his own selfish wants. Why would he want to go back to being the crazy, useless, stupid kid again?

(He never knows what to say to his 3-E seniors when they pass by each other in the halls. Gakushuu thinks he knows what it feels like to be in their shoes. They don’t have empathy for him, not when he’s the son of their principal - Gakushuu doesn’t blame them.)

“...He stopped coming to school?”

“I haven’t seen him in a while…” The boy, Nagisa Shiota, shrugs helplessly. “It’s been about a week, now. I got worried. I thought I’d ask you, since you guys are friends…”

“Were friends,” Gakushuu corrects. “Akabane has made it very clear he wants nothing to do with me.”

Shiota sags. “Oh, you too, huh.”

Gakushuu frowns. “Did something happen? I heard you two were close.”

“Well… we became friends when he transferred over to D-class, but one day he just stopped speaking to me! I don’t know if it was even anything that I did!”

Gakushuu stares at Shiota, speechless. He understands why Akabane didn’t want to interact with himself anymore, but what was wrong with Shiota? 

Shiota turns large eyes at him. “You two were close at the start of the year, too, right? Did he ever say anything?”

“...no,” Gakushuu says, still surveying Shiota surreptitiously. Akabane was the kind of person that was overly cautious and sharp enough to be so, from how quickly he withdrew from Gakushuu when he considered him a threat.

...Surely he didn’t adopt the same line of reasoning with Shiota. Maybe this was just a genuine matter of different opinion… although the poor boy doesn’t seem to know why he’s been rebuffed.

“That’s okay,” Shiota sighs. 

...skipping school? Gakushuu hopes Akabane is doing alright.

Upon a classmate’s suggestion, Gakushuu starts tutoring some of his classmates in the subjects. He’s friendlier and better than the teachers, they say, and explains things clearer in ways that someone their age group would understand. 

“Maybe when you grow up,” Saito says, “you just forget how kids learn.”

Yuna says, “that’s why school sucks.”

That’s not always true, anyways, because Gakushuu’s father never had a problem with teaching him and explaining things to him in simple concepts. It’s weird to defend the Principal in any capacity so Gakushuu refrains from commenting.

“Hey, Asano,” Anaya asks. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Gakushuu says. “Which page are you on?”

“It’s not about science,” she says. “I wanted to ask, why is your Dad, well, like that ?”

Gakushuu pauses. “Like what?”

“You know. Like… crazy.”

His classmates look at him eagerly.

“I don’t know,” Gakushuu says. “He’s always been like that.”

“Always?” Seo presses.

“...well, no. He used to… there used to be a time, when I was really little. He used to be a nice father. And then he started to…”

-Lock him in the cupboard. Hit him. Call him names,

Gakushuu shakes his head. “It… it was a long time ago.”

In Gakushuu’s head, Yukio nudges him.

Trust Yukio to be fine-tuned to Gakushuu’s emotions. Gakushuu himself isn’t honestly sure whether he’s emotional enough to be distressed, but he trusts Yukio more than he trusts himself, so he lets him take over.

Sure enough, in the backseat, Gakushuu finds himself wiping tears away. “Sometimes, I don’t even understand how any of this happened.”

“Neither do I,” Yukio whispers to him.

The finals results were… exactly as expected.

Gakushuu comes in first. Akabane, truancy aside, pushes past Araki to come in second - who takes third, instead. 

“I think,” Katsuya says, “you’ve solidified your place here. You should run for a position on the student council next year. A small role.”

They carry out their end-of-year school performance plan, to Gakushuu’s chagrin. He curses out Katsuya and Yukio all the while he’s on stage, blushing furiously. It doesn’t matter that his schoolmates all love it - he still hates his alters and think this is a stupid plan.

The school cheers. Gakushuu flees.

“See?” Katsuya says, as Yukio and Nanako giggle to themselves, “all’s well.”

“I hate you and I think this was a stupid plan,” Gakushuu says.

“The students love you,” Katsuya says, rubbing her hands together. “Good, good, the plan is all falling into place.”

And then…

“You want me to do what?!”

Gakushuu’s alters are out to kill him.

Even Yukio? Really? “I trusted you!”

Yukio shrugs, unrepentant.

“I think it’s a good idea!” Nanako says, clapping.

Katsuya raises her eyebrow, and her cup. “Seconded.”

“Why do I have to be the one to do this?” Gakushuu wails. 

“Because you’re the cutest,” Nanako says, reaching forward to pinch Gakushuu’s cheeks.

Yukio leans over and pokes it.

“Ihm bhanning you from reahding,” Gakushuu mumbles. All the romance novels are getting to his head. Gakushuu’s getting odd looks from his father. Ren is an enabler. Nanako is too caught in her head with her own crushes, and Katsuya thinks it’s all funny and strategic .

But why is Gakushuu the one who has to make valentine’s chocolate for his whole cohort?

“Come on,” Katsuya cajoles, teasing. “It will fit your character. You’re the adorable, lovable little Gakushuu-chan who makes friends with everyone and sings love songs and-”

“Fine, fine!” Gakushuu says. “If we’re doing this, we’re buying chocolate. There’s no way I’m making that many.”

Yukio, the traitor, turns his large wide eyes to Gakushuu. “But I wanted to try making some.”

Gakushuu stares. He refuses to be moved. “Ren made you watch that stupid anime, didn’t he.”

Yukio stares back, looking the saddest Gakushuu has ever seen him. All because Gakushuu won’t help fulfil his stupid, stupid, romantic anime sequence with flying rose petals and violin music and giving chocolate to people you like.

Gakushuu sighs. “Tell Ren I’m no longer friends with him.”

They make only one batch of chocolate (the rest is ordered off the internet. Dad has the world’s funniest expression of shock on his face when he opens the door to the delivery man, which Gakushuu supposes is worth all the savings he spent. At least his cohort doesn’t have a lot of people.

Valentines rolls around, and to Gakushuu’s pleasant surprise, he gets his own share of chocolates from his schoolmates. His own chocolates are distributed without much fanfare, and people recognize them as obviously packaged off a bulk sale, but they find it a nice gesture nonetheless.

There was now only the issue of the chocolates Gakushuu actually handmade, which are lumpy, a little bit too sweet (Nanako went overboard), and packaged differently.

Of course, despite Gakushuu renouncing their friendship, the biggest bag goes to Ren.

Nanako insists on giving a bag to her crushes as well - Tsubara and Akabane. Gakushuu’s talked her out of giving one to Okano, because they’ve never even interacted much before outside of two pleasantries exchanged in the hallways, and he thinks it’d be weird. 

Tsubara is easy to find, and he exchanges Gakushuu’s for one of his own.

Then begins the ordeal of tracking down Akabane… but it looks like he skipped school today.

“I suppose you can have it,” Nanako says, presenting the gift bag to Shiota, who had stayed back after school to do his homework..

“Oh, um…” Shiota looks down at his feet. “Do you want me to pass it to Karma for you, or…”

“No, it won’t be good by then,” Nanako shakes her head. “It’s for you. Eat it, okay? Tell me how it tastes. There’s no one left at school anyways for me to give this to.”

“Um… thank you…”

“Say, Shiota,” Nanako says. “I never asked you this question before. Why is your hair so long?”

Shiota blanches. “Um…”

Nanako cocks her head. “Not that I’m judging or anything!” Nanako says quickly. “One of the boys I know also has long hair. It’s really pretty and I love braiding it. He, uh, doesn’t go to school here.”

“Oh,” Shiiota says, tugging at his hair. “Um, it’s actually… my mother.”

“Your mother wanted you to have long hair?” 

“...something like that.”

“Geez, that’s hard,” Nanako says. “It’s really hard to go against your parents, huh.”

Shiota blinks up at her. “...it is.”

“Do you want me to braid your hair for you? I’m really good at it.”

“...alright.”

They sit in silence for a while. Nanako starts humming.

“Actually…” Shiota says, “my mother… she wanted a girl.”

Nanako pauses. “Hm?”

“...that’s why she made me keep my hair long. She likes to, uh, braid it, too, when I was younger.”

“Oh,” Nanako says. “I don’t suppose you like it.”

“...I’ve gotten used to it.”

“That’s not the same thing,” Nanako says. 

They lapse into silence again. Nanako takes a hair tie and finishes off the braid.

Then Shiota says, “it’s not.”

“Hm?”

“..the same thing. Um. Getting used to it… and liking it.”

“Yeah. It isn’t.”

Shiota stares at her for a brief moment, assessing. His gaze turns sharp, and Nanako is briefly reminded of being on the other end of Katsuya’s stare as she’s trying to figure something out. Turns out, Shiota has a darker side to him, too. How exciting. This must be why Akabane became wary of him.

Finally, Shiota says, “you’re not really how I expected you to be, you know.”

Nanako smiles. “How did you expect me to be?”

Shiota falters. “I… I don’t know. Your father-” He pauses, stares at Nanako again, and then his eyes widen. “Oh.”

Nanako smiles. “I don’t really know what to say about being someone you’re not comfortable being, but I guess for me, it’s like having to be friends with a different part of yourself. You may not always agree with them, and sometimes they may make you uncomfortable, but you’re all doing something to keep you alive.”

Shiota looks down at his hands, and tugs at his braid. Then he looks up at Nanako again, eyes shiny. “...okay, Asano.” 

“Enjoy the chocolates, okay, Shiota?”

(“Aww,” Katsuya says.

“Poor kid,” Gakushuu says. “I hope he’s alright at home.”)

Gakushuu lugs home his box of Valentine’s day chocolate. He didn’t break even, but it’s still a considerable haul.

Dad stares at him from across the dinner table that night, eyebrows knitted in uncharacteristic surprise. He says, “you have been… reading… a lot of romance novels lately.”

Yukio matches his stare. “...it’s research.”

Gakushuu screams in his head. Nanako and Katsuya cackle.

Chapter Text

Gakushuu is thirteen years old, and his second year of Kunugigaoka starts off with a frantic blast. Gakushuu gets bumped up to class 2-A. The lessons get longer, the work gets harder, and his father’s expectations get higher.

He makes friends with the juniors, who look at him with sparkles in their eyes as if they expect him to be some sort of all-knowing senior (especially with his last name tacked on). 

Some of them he recognizes from his old elementary school, and at Katsuya’s suggestion, he winks and tells them he’s running for student council.

Gakushuu runs, and gets elected into the Kunugigaoka Student Council as the Assistant Treasurer. He searches for the look in Gakuhou’s eye and preens when he gets a nod.

There are some new hires amongst the staff, when they’re introduced to the general school body. Gakushuu memorizes their faces and names, and thinks about dropping by the staff room to introduce himself. 

Student-staff interactions are generally headed by the student council president, but Gakushuu’s doing this in his capacity as the Principal’s son. Besides, Nanako is nosy and Katsuya wants reconnaissance for more intel.

Nobody really bats an eye anymore when he heads to the staff room - he has his own desk there back from when he was nine. The other students in his cohort used to give him looks for this sort of privilege , but that was before they realized that this school was an absolute hellhole and that the Principal was out of his mind. Now they just send him pitying looks when he says he has to go pick something up in the staff room. 

Although, in Gakushuu’s admittedly biased opinion, the teachers themselves are nice enough. Sure, they may be employees and enablers of his father’s weird twisted vision, but they never locked him in the cupboard or anything like that. He understands where his classmates are coming from, though - bad authority is bad authority, regardless of the rung on the ladder. It’s just like parallax error - everything taller than you looks like it’s the same level.

Sometimes if the school library closes and he has to wait late for his father to finish his work, he heads there instead - the staff pull late hours and they sneak him cups from the coffee machine in the pantry. Gakushuu caught his dad scolding one of his staff for trying to keep Gakushuu up all night with espresso, but Gakushuu’s puppy-eyes (or so as Nanako dubs them) are more effective than Gakuhou’s threat of making them work overtime. Everyone already works overtime.

This time, Gakushuu decides to be nosy in the guise of looking for a worksheet he’s accidentally left there. The teachers wave absently to him as he passes, Mori-Sensei hands him a biscuit, and Gakushuu drops his bag on his chair.

“Your father is having a meeting with the new hires,” Yokuri-Sensei says to him.

Gakushuu sneaks to eavesdrop by the conference room.

Ah, looks like Gakushuu isn’t too late - he hadn’t missed out the whole spiel where Gakuhou attempts to explain the school ideology. It’s kind of funny to listen to. He and Katsuya have all the points memorized.

The only thing interesting about the whole affair, is that new teacher by the name of Aguri Yukimura. The other staff scurry out in terror, ready to be rid of the overwhelming presence of their principal, so much so that they miss the miniature version of him crouching in the corner. Only Yukimura-Sensei stays behind, her file trembling in her hands, as she asks Gakuhou even more questions.

Ah, she’s the new homeroom teacher for class 3-E. 

“I just don’t understand, Principal Asano,” she says. “Why isolate the students at all?”

“There are multiple reasons, Yukimura-Sensei,” Gakuhou says pleasantly. “The students in the E class have been identified as the weakest group in academics. The reason they’re put in a separate class is, of course, so that we can cater a special curriculum for them so they can learn at a more suitable place. We wouldn’t want to group them with the better performing students, because then they may not catch up to the material at all.”

“Yes, that makes perfect sense,” Yukimura-Sensei nods. “But why is the classroom so far away?”

“Well, think about it like this,” Gakuhou says. “If all these students have spent two years here and have fallen so far behind their peers, what can this tell us about the environment they are in?”

“It is… not suitable?”

“That’s right. As a teacher, I’m sure you know that different students have different learning needs. There are many students who aren’t suited to be enclosed within four walls in the classroom. Have you been to the 3-E classroom?”

“Yes, I have.”

“What did you think?” Gakuhou taps his chin. “Up on the hill, surrounded by fresh air.”

“Well…” Yukimura-Sensei hums. “It was nice, I suppose. It’s a, um, rather tiring walk up there, but the air is nice. The breeze and tree shade keeps the classroom cool, and it’s really more open… oh, is this what you mean? A different, fresher environment might stimulate their learning!”

(“See?” Katsuya says in awe, as they listen in. “The Principal never tries to explicitly convince people of his intentions. He drops hints and makes it seem like a logical line of reasoning, and lets people come to those conclusions themselves, even though it’s absolutely bullshit. He really is an expert…”)

“That was the intention,” Gakuhou nods. “Although, your words have gotten me thinking... “ 

Gakushuu knows his father’s lying face. 

“What about, Principal Asano?” Yukimura-Sensei says eagerly, not knowing she’s playing right into the cage.

“We haven’t really had success with this line of schooling, before,” Gakuhou says. “Admittedly this is a young school without many years of success records, so no conclusive evidence has been drawn yet… but you see, this is a really competitive environment. The staff and yourself are very much aware that sending a child to E-class is meant to benefit them, but the act of saying “you need to go to E-class” to a student seems to make them think they’re being marked as a failure, instead. It’s been a problem that I haven’t been able to solve, yet…” 

“O-oh!” Yukimura-Sensei stands up straight. “I see how that would be a problem! Not to worry, sir, as 3-E’s new homeroom teacher, I’ll do my very best to motivate them into learning well!”

(“Woah,” Katsuya says, frantically scribbling in an imaginary notepad. “People like feeling useful and valuable, so in order to make them listen to you, you have to phrase your requests in such a way that they think you need them, and are seeking their invaluable help.”)

Gakuhou smiles at her. “Your resume and cover letter really impressed me, and the care you have shown already by following up with these questions about their well-being already proves that you have your heart in the right place in helping them improve.”

Yukimura-Sensei beams. “I won’t let you down, sir!”

Gakushuu scrambles away just as the door opens. Yukimura-Sensei skips past him with a spring in her step. Then, 

“Asano?”

Ah, busted. Gakushuu peeks his head in. “Hi, Principal.”

Gakuhou raises an eyebrow, looking exasperated. He doesn’t sound mad, more amused. “Might I ask why you’re eavesdropping on a staff meeting when you’re so clearly a student?”

Gakushuu gives him his best innocent smile. “As the new student council assistant treasurer, I’m here to make a formal request to allocate some Kunugigaoka Principal funds towards Yuzu’s yoghurt fruit drink for personal use?”

Dad rolls his eyes. “What flavor?”

“Strawberry.”

“I don’t get why kids are obsessed with that drink,” Dad mutters. “It’s always out of stock in the vending machine.”

Gakushuu parrots (from the advertisements that plays in between his father's news channels,) “It has great fruity sweetness and yoghurty goodness!”

“Get out of my office.”

“Yes, sir!”

“I’ll see you at dinner.”

Gakushuu runs into Yukimura-Sensei in the hallways unprecedentedly just a day later. 

“Oh, sorry!” She says, and then does a hilarious double-take.

Gakushuu immediately knows why. “The Principal is my father.”

“Oh!” Yukimura-Sensei laughs, hand flying to her chest. “Was my surprise that obvious?”

Gakushuu smiles at her. “Asano Gakushuu, second year. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yukimura Aguri, although I’m sure you already know that,” she says. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“How’s this school treating you so far?” Gakushuu asks.

“It’s been… interesting, to say the least. There are certainly some aspects of the job I didn’t expect.”

“Like having to teach away from the main campus up on a hill?”

“I- well, yes, that certainly was…” she coughs, “unexpected.”

Gakushuu shrugs. “His methods are unorthodox.”

Yukimura-Sensei places her hands behind her back. “I’m worried for 3-E, I admit,” she says. “I understand the rationale behind it all, but I fear that this sort of isolation would bring about more long-term negative effects that are yet to be seen.”

Gakushuu watches her as she furrows her brow, looking troubled.

(Then Katsuya says, “Gakushuu. She’s perfect.”

“What?”

“Look,” Katsuya says insistently. “When she had issues with the authority, she doesn’t hesitate to raise them to the Principal. She’s had one talk with him, and she still has her doubts about the system. Best still, she doesn't hesitate to raise them to you even knowing you’re his son! She’s one of the only teachers in this school that’s - well, she comes off more oblivious than defiant, but Yukio’s like that and we keep him around anyways.”

Gakushuu scrunches up his nose. “You think she’d be a good support for us?”

“Our base of supporters are mostly students now,” Katsuya says. “The teachers love you, but none of them would oppose the Principal’s ideologies for you. She could, if you prove that you have higher moral superiority - or at least act sad enough that she sympathises with you.”

“Hm,” Gakushuu says.

“Not an ideal player,” Katsuya admits, “She’s just a new employee isolated from the rest after all, but that means she has less of a chance to be influenced by the culture here before you win her over!”) 

“It’s not ideal,” Gakushuu says to Yukimura-Sensei. “But… it’s something that works, I suppose.”

Yukimura-Sensei frowns at him. “How do you know?”

“Well, 3-E being away from the main campus is kind of like having to stop spending time with your friends to study, right? You get a nice quiet place to study, and because that’s what you do all the time your grades go up, but… it’s kind of lonely.”

Yukimura-Sensei blinks.

Gakushuu brings a hand to his face to act like he’s embarrassed. “Um, sorry. I don’t mean to say it’s a bad system. I mean, it works… um… sorry, Yukimura-Sensei, I think I have a meeting now. I’ll see you around, though!”

Gakushuu doesn’t let her reply - although he catalogues her stunned expression - before he dashes off. 

Katsuya cackles in his ear. “Gakushuu, that was brilliant!”

“Oh dear,” Nanako says, “I do hope she’s alright.”

They don’t have the opportunity to cross paths with Yukimura-Sensei any more, really, because she’s up on the 3-E hill all the time, and Gakushuu’s honestly a bit too busy to go there.

He spends more time with his schoolwork, tuition, extracurriculars, and he starts getting sent out in school district competitions. It seems a little self-serving to have him, the Principal’s son as their representative, but he is ultimately the top scorer, if not the most pleasant behaving. (Akabane has technically beaten him in Math, but it will be a cold cold day in hell if Kunugigaoka sends Akabane to represent them in something.)

Other than him, Katsuya’s picks for the student council home themselves into equally strong academics. Is she prophetic, or is it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Gakushuu’s now the opposite of uninfluential - he’s the top student, he’s the Principal’s son. Was Katsuya’s outward endorsement of them a good guess, or the reason? 

Let’s say we have two groups of people, A and B. Group A is currently scoring higher than group B at a certain task. No matter what their performance is, however, group A is given constant rebuke and punishment over their actions - and no matter how poorly they perform at first, group B is given reinforcement. It doesn’t take a genius to see which group will eventually prevail over the other at the end.

The first set of results come out - once again, it hits most of the expected points.

Katsuya makes a note of any anomalies. “We’re in our second year now. The expected 3-E rankings for next year will be drafted soon.” 

It is still too early to draw any conclusions, though, so she’s just keeping an eye out. “They’ll be useful allies in the future,” she says. 

Gakushuu looks around for Yukimura-Sensei, but she remains scarce. Then he overhears from some of the gossiping teachers that she actually has a second job at her family’s business that she rushes to after the school day here, which might explain why Gakushuu can never seem to catch her.

“That’s good,” Katsuya says, a little hesitant. “That means she won’t be too discouraged to oppose the Principal, because she has a second job.”

“Or it means she really needs the money,” Yukio points out, “and Gakuhou pays well.”

Out of the four of them, Yukio thinks he has the least eventful life. Gakushuu and Katsuya scheme (“someone will die”, “of fun!”), Nanako chases after the people she likes (to Gakushuu’s chagrin), and Yukio does the actual school work and makes sure they ace tests.

Ren has gotten him into cheesy slice-of-life animes. A lot of them can be surprisingly thoughtful and introspective, and he’s genuinely enjoying them. It’s one of the activities that the five of them do together - yes, even Katsuya, who claims that she’s taking notes on human interaction but Yukio catches her oddly enraptured. 

There seems to be a lot happening in those daily life animes, which makes sense because the studio needs content to animate, but it seems a little exaggerated because what normal school-going student would have such ridiculous trials after trials to face… right?

That is, Yukio would think so, if he wasn’t bearing witness to the absolute mess of whatever it is that Gakushuu, Nanako and Katsuya keep getting themselves into.

He genuinely doesn’t know how the three of them seem to stumble on so much drama. Is it because they actually talk to people? 

Well, Yukio is determined to be the only one of them who stays out of trouble. He is going to lead a stress-free life reading his books, memorizing his flashcards and doing his problem sums.

Yukio sighs.

“A-a-asano!” Stammers the 2-B boy, Isogai, who looks like Yukio had just threatened to get him expelled.

Well, he could. Working a part-time job is against school rules. 

“Hello, Isogai,” Yukio nods.

“U-um… hi…” Isogai winces. “Listen, I can explain.”

Yukio blinks at him.

“My family is really poor - I’m in Kunugigaoka on scholarship, you see, and my mother fell ill so she’s unable to work, and I have a bunch of siblings to support and-”

“I don’t care,” Yukio says, then winces internally. 

A voice that sounds suspiciously like Nanako’s say, “you have no tact at all, Yukio.” Yukiio would think it’s actually Nanako, but he knows Nanako is asleep.

Isogai gapes at him.

“I’m sorry,” Yukio amends. “I meant, I don’t care that you have a job. I care about your family. Sorry about them.”

“O-oh,” Isogai straightens up. “Um, does that mean…”

“I’m not going to report this to anyone,” Yukio says.

“Oh. Um, thank you.” Isogai fidgets. “Um, why are you here?”

“...I heard this cafe has nice coffee.”

“Oh, oh! Yes, we do!”

Isogai herds Yukio to a seat, hands him a menu, and then scurries away.

Gakushuu, who’s been silent all this while, says, “if Katsuya were here, she’d say, this is a prime opportunity to secure Isogai as an ally.”

Yukio stares glumly at his bag. “I just wanted to come enjoy a nice, scheme-less day.”

Gakushuu cheerfully mimes zipping his lips.

Isogai appears again, in a flurry of nervousness. “Here you go, on the house.” He slides over a cake, and a cup. “They’re our bestsellers, you know.”

Yukio blinks at it, amused. “You don’t have to buy my silence. I’m not going to tell.”

Isogai turns red. “Sorry. Just, um, consider it a gesture of goodwill?”

“I’m going to pay for it.”

“Please consider it a gift from me to you.”

“Is this coming out of your paycheck? Aren’t you poor?” Yukio says, then closes his eyes in resignation. This is why he leaves the social interaction to Gakushuu.

Isogai turns redder. Gakushuu says, “just apologize.”

“Sorry,” Yukio says. 

“It’s okay,” Isogai says, and flees immediately.

“We’ll leave him a tip, instead,” Gakushuu says. “He’ll get back the money, and it’d be our gesture of goodwill to him.”

Yukio glumly takes a forkful of cake. It’s really good.

Yukio is halfway down the street when he hears,

“DID YOU JUST LEAVE ME A 200% TIP?! ASANO! GET BACK HERE!”

Yukio runs. 

The next set of examinations puts Gakushuu at the top. Second place overall, Araki Teppei. Third place, Akabane Karma.

“Hey!” Nanako jumps at the chance and waves him down when she catches sight of his bright red head, before he vanishes for the next few months. “Akabane!”

Akabane pauses. “Oh, Asano.”

“How have you been?”

Akabane looks at her suspiciously. “...fine.”

“I wanted to congratulate you,” Nanako says. “For exams.”

“...yeah. Sure.”

She remains undeterred by his short responses. “Listen, we haven’t talked in a while, and I was wondering if we could catch up.”

“...what for?”

What Nanako lacks in properly processing her emotions, (even Gakushuu would have buried himself into a hole at the sheer awkwardness of this conversation) she makes up for in passionate earnestness. “Aren’t we friends?” 

If anything, it makes Akabane equally uncomfortable. “Um…”

They stare at each other for a beat.

Nanako doubles back - on old reliable tactics. “Let’s spar.”

They stare at each other for a moment longer.

Akabane says, “sure.”

“Let’s meet at the gym at 3.”

“...alright.”

(“That,” Katsuya says, “was terrible.”)

Neither of them have changed into their PE uniforms. Why? Nanako isn’t sure why she didn’t, but she’s glad when she sees Akabane still in his non school-sanctioned blazer, leaning against the bleachers.

“Why do you want to spar with me?” Akabane asks, the first moment he spots Nanako pushing open the doors..

Nanako pauses. “I don’t know. Don’t you want to spar with me?”

“Yeah, but…” Akabane frowns at her skeptically. “Listen, I’ll just say it right now. If this is a plot to get me in trouble for beating you up, I’m leaving.”

“What? No!” Nanao says. That’s more of a Katsuya-type ploy - she’s one of the better ones at playing nice! She knows that Akabane doesn’t necessarily mean her as much as he means Gakushuu , but it stings. “ I would never.”

Akabane crosses his arms. “I find that hard to believe.”

Nanako quickly runs through her memory of everything her alters have done. “I have never done anything like that.”

Akabane says, “maybe not yet.”

“What’s your basis for these claims?”

Akabane stares. “Like father, like son, right?”

Nanako narrows her eyes. Maybe she’s not very good at playing nice after all. “Like father, like son, right? What does that say about you, then, that your parents didn’t even to show up to defend you? Just let you drop to class D like that?”

Akabane’s mouth shuts with an audible click.

“Come to think of it, they’ve never shown up once for any of the parent-teacher conferences, have they?” Nanako hisses. “And you skip school all the time. I guess like parents like son, all of you just know how to run away from things you don’t like.”

And then she dodges the fist that gets thrown at her face.

It takes them one minute to come to a draw.

One minute, (perhaps slightly less than), when they both realize at about the same time that they don’t really have a justification in beating each other up in the school hall after hours, and they both collapse across each other in sweaty piles on the floor.

Nanako thinks she should feel exhilarated with the fight, her blood pumping with adrenaline like no other, but all she feels is a deep-seated sense of dissatisfaction. She has bruises she will feel for days, and the sting of rejection she’d feel for longer.

Akabane is looking away from her, hand to his mouth, hair sweaty. His gaze snaps back to her. 

“My point,” Akabane says, breathing heavy. “Is exactly this.”

“What,” Nanako snarls.

“You’re a two-faced lying manipulative son of a bitch ,” Akabane hisses. “Everyone thinks you’re so nice, but all you are is… is…” He looks away again.

“I’m what , Akabane.”

“I think you know.”

“No I don’t!” Nanako yells, and she feels indignation sting at her eyes. “I haven’t done a single thing-”

“You manipulated the test results in the first year to make everyone like you! You’re way too smart to have genuinely gotten that low score!”

“You’re being ridiculous!”

“You and your father have some twisted scheme to control everyone!” Akabane grits his teeth. “You make everyone think that you’re their friend so they’ll listen to you!”

“That’s not true!” 

“Then why the hell are you so dead-set on approaching me? It’s because I’m the only one who won’t fall for your tricks, I’m the only person who you can’t control, and-”

“It’s because I like you!” Nanako yells, and then belatedly claps her hands over her mouth.

Akabane pauses mid-rant, going silent, and for a moment he looks stunned.

Then he looks hurt and angry all at the same time, and he quickly gets to his feet and says, “ you’re sick, Asano .”

“Wait-”

“Honestly, just… whatever. You win, alright? I’ll stay out of your way.”

“Wait!”

Nanako scrambles to her feet, but Akabane is already out the door.

The slam echoes. Nanako clutches her sore arm as she stares after him, not quite knowing what to say.

Chapter Text

“Am I a bad person?”

“ I’m a bad person,” Katsuya says. “You’re not.”

“I’m being serious, Kats.”

“And you think I’m not?” Katsuya stares at Nanako. “One person doesn’t like you. Plenty of other people do.”

“Do you think I’m two-faced?”

“...You just have a lot of things you don’t know how to say.”

“...Like what?”

Katsuya looks down at her hands, then at Nanako. “I don’t know. I’m not the expert on feelings. You should ask Gakushuu.”

“But what do you think, Kats?”

Katsuya hums thoughtfully. “I think you don’t talk about things you like enough.”

Nanako frowns. “That’s not true. I talk about things I like all the time.”

“Hm,” Katsuya says. “Then what do you like about Akabane?”

Nanako opens her mouth. Pauses, closes it. Opens her mouth again. “I like that he’s… um… good at sports… and… um…”

Katsuya raises an eyebrow. “You like that he’s good at sports?”

Nanako tugs at her hair. “I don’t know what you want me to say!”

“Well, I think you’re upset because you lost the challenge of being his friend more than you lost him ,” Katsuya says.

“What makes you think that?”

“You can’t even name a single thing you like about him!”

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know how to say these kinds of things.”

“I’m not good at these things, too,” Katsuya says, shaking her head. 

“You okay, Gakushuu?” Tsubara says. “You’re off your usual form today.”

Nanako slumps forward. “Am I that bad?’

“No, no!” Tsubara shakes his head. “Just, um, distracted.” He sits next to Nanako on the bleachers. “Um, anything I can help you with?”

In her mind, Gakushuu sleepily stirs. He mumbles a hi to Tsubara (not that he can hear) and hangs around the edges of her consciousness. 

“Oh, it’s just…” Nanako traces circles on her knee. “I’ve been… having trouble with my feelings, lately.”

“What is it?”

“One of my friends told me that I’m no good at expressing them.”

Nanako suspects that if Katsuya were awake, she would scold her for having the audacity to call the both of them friends.

Tsubara frowns at her. "Who is saying that to you? That's not true."

"It doesn't matter who it is," Nanako says.

"Are people bullying you again?" Tsubara makes to stand up, fists balled at his sides, and Nanako hastily tugs him back down. "It's not like that!”

Tsubara glares. “Then who made you sad?”

Nanako hesitates. "Well… It’s actually… you know Akabane?"

Tsubara crosses his arms. “What did he do?”

“Nothing… Well, I told him I liked him but he...doesn’t.” 

Nanako sighs, twiddles with her thumbs… and then realize Tsubara has fallen silent. She looks at him. 

He’s staring at her, mouth open.

“What?”

“You… you… like Akabane?”

Nanako furrows her brow. “Yeah, what’s wr-” and then she belatedly claps her hands over her mouth.

Right. She is a boy. She is Gakushuu .

(Gakushuu doesn’t say anything, but he directs a long, exasperated sigh at her.)

Nanako clears her throat.

Tsubara startles. “Oh, I, um, not that’s anything wrong with that! I mean, I like boys, too!” And then Tsubara also slaps his hand over his mouth.

They stare at each other in silence, mirroring each other’s actions.

Gakushuu starts giggling.

Him laughing makes Nanako start laughing, and then Tsubara starts laughing, and then all three (two) of them are giggling to themselves on the benches.

Nanako presses her hands on her cheeks - they are sore from her grinning too hard. “Tsubara!”

“Gakushuu!” He squeals. 

They both giggle, again.

“I mean…” Nanako hides her face in her hands. “Um. I like girls too. It doesn’t matter to me.” It feels more exciting admitting that - of course her alters know, but saying it to someone else! She knows that she is Gakushuu and people expect him to like girls, but her admitting it!

Tsubara looks at her through his fingers with shining eyes. “Do you have a girl you like?”

Nanako giggles. “Okano.”

“A-and... Akabane?”

Nanako nods, grinning. “What about you?”

“Um… uh, well…” Tsubara kicks her lightly in the shin. “This is so embarrassing!”

“I told you, you have to tell me!”

“Um… this classmate… you probably know them… you know everyone…!”

“Tell me! No, let me guess! It’s… I don’t know, tell me!”

“Shhh, not so loud!”

“There’s no one else here but the both of us!”

“Fine! It’s… Sato…”

“Ahhhh!”

“Shush!!!”

Ren stares at her for a second, brows furrowed, before he says, “...Katsuya?”

Katsuya inclines her head. “Sakakibara.”

“You’re not usually out at this time,” Ren says, taking a seat next to her. “What’s up?”

“Gakushuu and Yukio are talking to Nanako about,” she makes a face, “feelings.”

Ren frowns. “Is she still having trouble with her feelings about… you know…”

Katsuya rolls her eyes. “Even worse. They’re talking about being gay.”

Ren blinks. “Nanako is gay?”

“Obviously not,” Katsuya says. “It doesn’t matter to her, I suppose.”

Ren nods knowingly. “Ah, battlesexual.”

“Yes, exactly-” she pauses, furrows her brow, then whips around to glare at him. “You were the one who taught Yukio that word, weren’t you.”

Ren says, “...no.”

Katsuya stares at him.

He clears his throat. “Ah, Anyways, I don’t see what’s… bad about that.”

All Katsuya can do is to give him a saccharinely sweet smile. “I bet you won’t be singing the same tune when Yukio starts picking up his new genre in queer literature.”

Ren pales. “Um… uh…”

“I bet he’s going to ask you all sorts of questions about it, too,” Katsuya smirks, leaning forward. “Ren, what do you think about liking boys?”

“Alright! Sheesh!” Ren brings up a hand to hide his blush. “You’ve made your point. How are they bothering you about it?”

“Ugh. They asked me who I liked. Isn’t the answer obvious?”

“...no. The answer is not obvious at all.”

“I don’t like anybody!”

“No, yeah, nevermind, that is obvious.”

“Sakakibara, you have ten seconds to run.”

“Bye, see you tomorrow!”

Gakuhou stares at Yukio, a strange expression on his face.

Yukio stares back, unblinkingly. 

Gakuhou says, “what are you doing?’

Yukio says, “reading.”

Gakuhou starts, “Asano,” coughs, “Gakushuu. Son. You know, you can tell me about. Things. Right?”

Yukio blinks. “Noted, sir.”

Gakuhou clears his throat.

Yukio holds his stare.

Gakuhou coughs, and heads back up the stairs to his office.

Yukio looks back down at his book - ah, his book on queer history in Japan. There is a flag in rainbow on the cover.

Yukio flips a page.

Then does a belated double take, glances back up, and stares at the stairs with a furrowed brow. “Does he think I’m gay?”

Gakushuu, who’s been silently reading along (and snickering at the awkward interaction), says, “well, are you?”

Yukio blinks, considering. “I don’t... think so?”

“Mhm,” Gakushuu says serenely.

As the school year nears its end, things start picking up the pace. Their final exams are supposed to be determinants on the E-class and nobody wants to score in the bottom 10%. 

Of course, Gakushuu knows that's not always the case. If only it was as simple as singling put the lowest marks - no, it was about creating not just a solid hierarchy in the main campus, but also a loyal one. The carefully curated 3-E cast was made up of loners and shadows that people wouldn't miss. You might be angry at a system if your friend is taken away, after all, but it's easier to turn a blind eye to something that affects a stranger. Rebellious or misbehaving students, because of course you would take the chance to pluck out the weeds amongst your well pruned plant patches.   

People who fall out of line and break the rules. What better way to keep the general population in line, than to brutally punish those who step over it? 

The four of them start making their predictions. Akabane will probably drop down to 3-E - he’s too much of an outlier, letting him stay on the main campus would be endorsing his behaviour, in a way, when everyone else with lesser offences have gone down to 3-E. 

Isogai’s job is a poorly-kept secret among the students. Gakushuu won’t ever tell his father, of course, but he wonders if the man already knows. He probably does. Will he use it as an excuse to boot Isogai down to 3-E?

Nanako guesses Terasaka - Nagisa has told her about him. He started off as one of those school bullies that might have made fun of Gakushuu in middle school, and is currently listless. Nanako doesn’t have much sympathy for him - neither do Yukio and Katsuya. Gakushuu’s never really interacted with the guy, and he’s really more of a forgive and forget type of person - that’s not a pun on his early bouts of amnesia, Well, it won’t be accurate to say that he knows what’s going on all the time now, too - he’s not automatically aware of everything they do, and he can’t read their minds, but the great thing about having this co-conscious space with his alters is that they can simply update each other on what’s going on. 

All of them have their needs for privacy, and they have thoughts they keep to themselves. It sounds very odd when he says it out loud, but he supposes he’s just gotten used to it.

It’s still weird for Gakushuu to think about, that they’re technically the same person and yet different people. How many people can say they have different lives in their head? 

Another person they guess will end up in 3-E is this girl called Nakamura, who dropped from class A to D really quickly in the first year, and the start of second. She was just like Karma in a way, except that Karma’s sensational fight and quick demotion was all everyone whispered about for weeks. She dropped to B first, then to C and then to D, which doesn’t really grab as much attention.

...Following that pattern, there were quite a large number of people from D-class that would end up in 3-E. 

The final examinations roll to a dramatic close, and it’s only two days after that that the rankings for next year’s classes are posted on the bulletin board.

The death bell rings out in the hallway. 

People start crying - either from distress, or relief. 

There are more major changes in the class numbers as students drop to 3-E and the rest are shuffled around. 

“Oh no,” Nanako says. “Nagisa!”

Their hunches are right, and then some. Gakushuu can feel Katsuya awake and alert, her brain running a mile a minute. Gakushuu goes around smiling at some people, patting the backs of others. Not everyone stays behind after school, people either eager to celebrate their success or wallow in silence. There aren’t many extracurriculars that last all the way to the tail-end of the academic year. Gakushuu stays behind as he usually does, idly working on his assessments..

“Asano!”

Gakushuu glances up. It’s Maehara, and trailing behind him is Isogai, who shoots Gakushuu a panicked, wide-eyed look.

Gakushuu frowns. The both of them were dropped to E-class. “Hi,” he says, cautiously.

Maehara slams his hands down on Gakushuu’s table, making Gakushuu wince. “You! You told your dad about Isogai’s job, didn’t you?”

“What?” Gakushuu’s heart sinks. Ah, his father did know. “I would never.”

”How else could he have found out!” Maehara yells, and then Isogai drags him back.

“I don’t want to accuse you of anything,” Isogai says, “but-”

Gakushuu opens his mouth… and then closes it. There isn’t really anything he van say in his defense. 

He says, “I really didn’t do it. I’m sorry.”

Maehara snaps, “you-”

“I’m just glad I didn’t get expelled,” Isogai says, “so, if you did convince him to just drop me to 3-E instead… thanks… I guess.”

“Why are you thanking him? You-”

“Let’s just go, Maehara.”

Gakushuu watches them leave, (Isogai turning over to shoot him one last look), and then slinks down in his seat.

“Oh dear,” Nanako says, “oh dear, oh dear.”

“Hm,” Katsuya says, “that’s not ideal. How many people in 3-E do not like us, Gakushuu?”

Gakushuu sighs. “Way too many.”

“One or two people who do not like us is negligible,” Katsuya says, “but a whole group of them? That might be dangerous.”

“So we need to work on forging better relations with them,” Gakushuu muses.

“Yes, but probably not so soon,” Yukio says. “People are probably still processing and regrouping after their losses. If we approach anyone now, we will most likely be faced with, um, hostility.”

Gakushuu stares down at his hands. “Let’s just nope nothing else goes wrong.”

“Asano.”

Katsuya stands up straight. “Principal.”

Gakuhou leans forward to stare at her with narrowed eyes for a long while. Then he says, “you’ve gotten bold, Asano.”

Katsuya sucks in a sharp breath. “Have I, Principal?”

“I hear you’re complicit to breaking the school rules.”

“...Am I?”

“You’re on the student council, Asano. You’re in the top class. And yet here you are, letting your schoolmates explicitly break school rules under your nose, endorsing these terrible behaviour.”

“...”

“You have been undermining my authority at every turn, showing blatant disrespect for authority…”

His gaze snaps suddenly to Katsuya, who flinches.

Gakuhou says, “you wouldn’t think I would play favorites now, would you?”

Katsuya swallows. “Of course not, sir.”

“And you’ve become such great friends with Yukimura-Sensei, haven’t you not? I bet you would just love to be taught by her.”

Katsuya pales. Gakushuu panics. Is he… is the Principal implying what they think he is?

“You can’t send me to 3-E!” She blurts, and belatedly realizes her mistake.

“And why,” Gakuhou snarls, “is that, Asano?”

It’s social suicide. It’s losing against the Principal, his father. It’s-

“I don’t know where I went wrong with your education! You are constantly running into trouble, getting into fights with people, in school no less! I have refrained from reprimanding you because you managed to keep those incidents in check, but I had to hear from a member of my school board that a student is holding on to a part time job, which not only tarnishes our school reputation with the investors, but then I find out that you are perfectly aware of it!-”

“Sir-”

“-And you are always, somehow, getting pushed around by other people! Has nothing I ever taught you gone into your head? What kind of image does it set when you’re being scolded by two other students in school?-”

He must have somehow seen the altercation with Isogai and Maehara-

“-How do you always end up like this? Asano, Gakushuu, how? Every time I think you are handling yourself, you fall into distress and you let yourself get kicked around by the people around you! Haven’t I taught you well enough? Back in elementary school, in your first year in middle school, and now! Are you satisfied being a doormat for people until you’re in high school? You are just like-”

Gakuhou cuts himself off.

A long silence stretches.

Katsuya bites her lip.

Gakushuu says, “I…”

The Principal, father , stares at him. He looks… 

“How, Gakushuu? What do I have to do to make sure you learn these lessons?”

“...I’ll do better.”

“You have one last chance. The next mistake you make, and you’re going to class 3-E. Do you understand?”

“...Yes, sir.”

“Gakushuu,” Katsuya says. “Can I ask you a question?”

Gakushuu smiles at her, albeit weakly. “Sure.”

“Just now, back in the office. Who was he going to say?”

“Who, huh?” Nanako says. Yukio looks curious.

“The Principal,” Katsuya says. “He said something about Gakushuu being like somebody.”

...Ah.

Gakushuu draws his legs up to his chest. “I think I know who he was talking about.”

“Who is it?” Yukio asks, because he’s been here the longest and he’s never heard any reference to it. Gakuhou has never compared Gakushuu to anybody, that he can recall - perhaps, except for Gakuhou himself.

“Well, it’s before any of you three came,” Gakushuu says. “You guys know Dad was a teacher back then, too, before I was even in elementary school.”

“Yeah.”

“...There used to be one student he talked about all the time. His name was… Ikeda, I think. Dad said he was nice, and kind and smart, and he said that he wished I grew up like him.”

“Nice and kind?” Katsuya frowns. “That doesn’t sound like he’s trying to describe you at all. Well, not you you, but like, us you.”

“I get what you mean,” Gakushuu says. “And that’s the thing. One day, Dad just stopped ever talking about him.”

Nanako says, “what happened?”

“...I don’t really know,” Gakushuu admits. “Something must have happened.”

“Hm,” Nanako thinks. “Maybe they had a falling out?”

Katsuya says, “sir compared you to him just when he was talking about you being bullied. Maybe that’s what happened.”

“Then he realized that being a kind and nice didn’t help his student get along with people,” Yukio guesses. “So he tried to teach you to be… everything else.”

Nanako says softly, “that’s fucked up.”

“Maybe we can try to find this Ikeda,” Katsuya says, “see what happened to him, and talk to him to understand more about what happened between them.”

“That sounds good,” Gakushuu says. “Although I don’t… really know where to start.”

“Do you have his full name?”

“No,” Gakushuu smiles wryly. “I don’t remember anything. I was like, four. I don’t think asking Dad is a good idea either.”

“Maybe we can snoop in his office?”

“Then he will send us to 3-E for sure.”

“We should just wait for him to slip up again,” says Katsuya. “See if he lets any other comparisons slip.”

“Good,” Gakushuu says. “The next academic year is starting. Our priorities are not getting sent to 3-E, finding out where Ikeda went, and…”

“Becoming student council president.”

“Yes, thank you.”

Chapter Text

Gakushuu Asano is fourteen years old, and he is starting his third year of middle school.

He is in class 3-A, his best friend is Sakakibara (or Tsubara, or no one, depending on the day you ask him and the mood you catch him in), and he is running for student council president.

“You guys will run for council with me, right?” Katsuya prods.

“Yeah, of course,” Araki says.

“I don’t think anyone wants to compete with you anyways,” Seo snickers.

Katsuya stares at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well, the council president is supposed to have meetings with the Principal. Who wants to do that? Uh, no offence.”

“...none taken.”

“Asano? The Principal’s son?”

“Yeah, he’s pretty cool. He’s really smart. I thought it was a fluke at first - or favoritism. But no, he’s really smart.”

“I mean… I like him.”

“He’s kind of cute.”

“I mean… he looks good. I like it when he smiles.”

“If you catch him at a good mood, he’s really fun!”

“He’s really studious. You can tell he works hard for his results. If you can’t find him on the field, you’d probably find him in the library.”

“Although… he is a little odd. Sometimes.”

“I’ve been in the same school as him since elementary - the second one he transferred to. He was always a little strange.”

“Like what? Um, he talks to himself sometimes, like he’s thinking out loud. That’s not too weird, I suppose.”

“He has a lot of mood swings.”

“I would be talking to him one day and be cool with him, and the next day he acts like he doesn’t even remember I exist. And the day after that he acts like we’re best buds again. It’s kind of fake, if I’m being honest.”

“Sometimes he pauses when he’s doing something and stares off into blank space, like he’s buffering. It’s kind of funny - my baby sister does that.”

“He’s kind of forgetful sometimes. We would literally be in the middle of work and he’d suddenly jolt up and ask me what we’re supposed to be doing. Like, um, the teacher literally just told us?”

“I don’t think he’s violent. I mean, he does have a black belt, and I know he wins those competitions… but that’s just a rumor, right?”

“Got into a fight with Akabane? Karma Akabane? Surely not. I can’t imagine Asano getting into a fight with anyone.”

“Speaking to him is so unpredictable. He can be really nice at one moment, and then kind of aloof the other, you never know.” 

“I saw him sitting by himself arguing to himself once. That was really weird. I don’t think he notices himself doing it.”

“I would ask him to tutor me… but, he’s kind of odd.”

“I knew someone who was in his old elementary school class. They said he used to yell at people for no reason. No one would be even near him and he would suddenly stand up and scream, ‘shut up!’”

“My brother was a year above him in elementary school. He said his classmates used to bully him - hey, I know it sounds bad, but he was really weird, okay?”

“He’s really scatterbrained. I think he has short term memory problems.”

“Student council president?”

“Well… he’s not a bad choice.”

“Not the worst choice… I mean, he is the Principal’s son.”

“Are you sure? You know, I heard he beat up a couple of people in the past in elementary school.”

“He was bullied in his first elementary school before he transferred. Didn’t you know? Maybe that’s why he’s such a try-hard.”

“I won’t be mad if he’s on the council. He’s super smart.”

“He probably can’t be the secretary, though, since he never remembers anything. He once put his pen back in his bag and then a minute later asked me where it was. I thought he was messing with me but he genuinely had no clue.”

“...he gets full marks for all his exams.”

“I don’t mind. He’s a little odd at times, but he’s pretty cool.”

“Well, he’s smart, so I think he’s a good choice for president. I can’t think of anyone else.”

“He’s not afraid of the Principal! That’s the most important trait we need in our president, I think.”

“I wonder how his life at home is. Having Principal Asano as a father must be tough.”

“I was… okay with him being on the council last year, but that’s just a minor role. I’m not sure if he should be President, though.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I like the guy. We read together and he has wicked opinions on books. I just don’t know if I can imagine him as the school’s representative. He’s kind of…”

“I’ll be honest. I don’t think Asano should be the president, but I don’t think anyone else is as suited for it as he is.”

“What’s the most important thing about being the head of the student council? It’s being able to speak to the staff and advocate for us if there are issues, right? Asano’s already got a head start on that. Well, it’s definitely unfair, but it doesn’t make him a worse choice.”

“You know, sometimes when we talk about Asano, I feel like we’re talking about completely different people.”

Despite alienating class 3-E from almost everything else, they still have voting power over certain school processes, such as elections. Gakushuu gets a class of dark gazes directed at him - Nagisa smiles sheepishly at him from in between his classmates.

“Oh, I forgot Karma was still suspended,” Nanako says.

“He’ll be back in a month,” Gakushuu tells her.

“I don’t understand why he hasn’t been expelled,” Yukio says glumly. “Didn’t he beat up a teacher?”

Katsuya sighs. “The Principal obviously values skill over character. Akabane raises the school’s average.”

It’s weird, running for student council president as the principal’s son. Seo’s words echo in his head the whole time

Gakushuu knows it won’t be a unanimous vote, but he gets the majority anyway. He stands on the podium and shallowly thanks everyone for putting their trust in him.

He ignores the stares, the snickers, the eye-rolls. They started when he declared his goal to run for council president at the start of the year and they haven’t gone away since. 3-E’s outward distaste of him is preferable in a way.

The thing is, Gakushuu knows he’s liked by people in a very superficial way. According to Katsuya, it’s good enough to maintain the illusion of popularity - that’s just what good public relations is. 

He’s not stupid, though, and he knows that nobody really likes him for… well, him . It’s a complicated matter because there’s technically four of them in Gakushuu , and how can he say that anybody likes all of them? (Except for Ren, of course.)

All of them have their separate friends and separate people they get along with, but Gakushuu knows that if he runs into one of Yukio or Nanako’s friends, they give him odd looks and smile weirdly at him.

He knows it’s weird. He doesn’t know how to act around them either. 

Gakushuu’s not blind or deaf. It’s preferable to pretend he doesn’t notice people talking about how odd he is - they have been for many years. They’re quieter about it now because they’re in his father’s school, and because nobody else talks loudly about it. Public relations, like Katsuya says.

Still, people are nice to him, more than he has ever been for the rest of his life - he has a great understanding of himself now and the best handle on his emotions and behaviour than he has ever had. 

This should be his peak.

And yet his father’s words linger in his mind - and, Gakushuu realizes with a heavy heart, that his father is right. (Of course he is.)

Gakushuu never has a good winning streak. He oscillates between coping well and spiralling into distress - when something happens, and he or one of his alters get hurt. It affects all of them. 

It’s ever more terrifying to think that any one of his breakdowns just might be accompanied by… another one.

Not that Gakushuu dislikes them. He can’t imagine life without them - he loves Yukio, Nanako and Katsuya dearly. But he’s also aware that it’s a sign of something going terribly wrong.

Gakushuu hopes the ominous feeling in his chest is just that - a feeling that will hopefully go away. 

And then the moon blows up.

Chapter Text

Quick notes on DID

This is technically a spoiler, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I have no intentions of making G4 become G5.

DID is a very real and very serious disorder that affects a lot of people. Stress can affect someone with DID in different ways, and it doesn't necessarily mean developing another alter - it can mean developing other disorders like PTSD, anxiety, et cetera. In fact, most people with DID also develop such other comorbid conditions due to their experiences.

Just another reminder that several depictions in this fic are exaggerated for storytelling purposes, and real expressions of DID may be drastically different. One such instance I use liberally is G4's very smooth "conversational abilities" - while it is true that some people with DID are able to share a co-conscious space and communicate with their alters, it's not always possible. Another thing I write about is G4 being able to "take over" each other almost seamlessly - it is also possible for alters to switch, but this switching is not done as depicted in this fic.

Gakushuu runs into Yukimura-Sensei in the hallways.

She yelps and stumbles, sending papers flying everywhere - Gakushuu hurriedly makes a grab for them but most of her work falls on the floor.

“I’m sorry, Asano, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going,” she says, flustered.

“It’s alright,” Gakushuu says. He helps her gather her papers. “I don’t usually see you around campus at this time.” It’s the middle of the school day, shouldn’t she still be up with 3-E teaching their classes? Were they left there alone, now?

“A-ah!” Yukimura-Sensei blinks, looking away. “I just wanted- um- is your father in his office right now? I need to speak to him.”

Gakushuu eyes her for a moment. He feels Katsuya awake, brimming with interest. “Yeah, he is,” Gakushuu says carefully.

“Great,” she says. “Um, I’ll see you around, then, Asano!”

Gakushuu watches her speed down the hallway.

“That was weird,” he remarks quietly to Katsuya, who hums thoughtfully.

“Asano,” Father calls. “Stop sticking your head out the window. Come sit down for dinner.”

“Yes, sir,” Gakushuu says absently.

The moon is shining bright in the shape of a crescent. One could almost mistake it for a regular waning crescent moon phase, if they weren’t aware that it was, well, blown to bits.

“Asano,” Father calls out again.

Nanako stretches, and dozes off to sleep. None of them are particularly engaged by dinnertimes with Gakuhou, which is completely understandable. It’s one of Gakushuu’s favourite parts of the day, really, because it’s when his father acts most like how Gakushuu used to remember him - cooking, very occasionally trying out new recipes (Gakushuu taste-tests), nagging at him to eat his vegetables. Sometimes his father quizzes him on a subject or asks for his opinion on a piece of media, and it’s some of the least confrontational conversations they have. They don’t talk about their personal life, which suits Gakushuu just fine, because the most part of his day is running commentary from his alters and he’s pretty sure his father doesn’t have any friends and just spends the whole day working.

Gakushuu pulls his head back in - ow, his neck. He rubs the back of his head as he walks to the dinner table. “What do you think happened to the moon?”

The headline on the newspaper that Gakuhou is reading is about the moon. Gakushuu would bet that every single headline on international news is currently about the moon.

Gakuhou frowns. “I’m not sure. The moon’s inorganic composition isn’t reactive, there had been no sign of seismic activity to indicate core instability, there were - stop playing with your vegetables - no reported satellites or comets within trajectory.”

The debate that Yukio and Nanako erupted into earlier that day surfaces in Gakushuu’s mind. He can’t help but snicker. “Maybe it was aliens.”

Gakuhou stares at him.

Gakushuu quickly shoves a carrot into his mouth.

“Asano,” his father sighs, “I-”

Then his phone rings.

Gakushuu watches as Gakuhou stares offendingly at his phone - he hates it when people call him during dinner. Gakuhou waits one beat, and then another, like he’s considering not picking up at all, before he sighs and stands from the table. 

Gakushuu hears a clipped “Asano speaking” as he moves to another room.

He munches on another carrot. 

And then suddenly a loud, “excuse me?” 

Gakushuu jolts to attention.

There are no other exclamations that Gakushuu can pick up on, and he doesn’t quite have a death wish to attempt to eavesdrop so blatantly, so all he can do is sit quietly and wait until his father returns (and hopefully tell him what he was so surprised about.)

He can feel his alters slowly stirring at the activity, not quite conscious enough yet to speak to him but enough that Gakushuu feels them at the back of his mind. It's reassuring like that, to know that they are always in reach to help him, and their presence is always comforting like a safety blanket-

Oh, Gakuhou is back and staring at him. Gakushuu realizes he's been spacing off in thought - he quickly looks down at his plate. Oops, he's lost a carrot bit onto the table.

"Sir," Gakushuu greets, and then picks up the carrot bit and pops it into his mouth.

"Gakushuu," his father says, which is what makes Gakushuu abruptly stop chewing.

He places a hand over his mouth, swallows, and then blinks in trepidation. Yukio is fully awake now. "...yes?"

His father says, "Yukimura-Sensei just passed away."

"W-what?"

Yukimura-Sensei… what?

"Y-you're not lying to me, are you?"

"I'm not…" His father says, and then suddenly Gakuhou is all up close to him, and Gakushuu flinches from the hand he raises, but all he does is slowly stroke it down the side of his hair.

Gakushuu is too startled to register the oddness of that. 

Gakushuu’s mind races. "But… I talked to her today…"

Gakuhou pauses. "Did you?"

"I ran into her in the hallway," Gakushuu says, panicking, running through the conversation in his head. "She was okay! She was… fine..."

Katsuya and Nanako are awake now. Gakushuu listens in quiet shock as Yukio speaks to them - Nanako falls silent. Katsuya says, "oh my god."

Gakushuu asks her, "what?"

"She wasn't acting like her usual self today," Katsuya says, "she was acting suspicious like she had something to hide-"

"Now is not the time! That is so disrespectful!" Nanako yells at Katsuya.

Katsuya scowls, but remains silent.

"-kushuu?"

"Huh?" Gakushuu blinks, and remembers his father is still looking at him. 

Dad asks, "I know you spoke to her sometimes. Were you two close?" 

“I…” Were they close? “Not really… I guess…”

Dad frowns. “How are you feeling?”

...How is he feeling?

Nanako is stunned to silence, Katsuya is brooding, and Yukio is fidgeting with his hands. None of them know how to reply.

Is she… really dead?

“Yes, she is,” Gakuhou says - oh, Gakushuu must have said it out loud.

“I’m… shocked.”

Gakuhou grips his shoulder. “These kinds of things are very sudden, it can be-”

Katsuya abruptly looks up. “How did she die?”

“A car accident,” Gakuhou says, 

“Oh.”

“...I need to go make some calls? Finish your dinner.” Gakuhou gets to his feet, brows furrowed. But he turns back to Gakushuu again, adding almost hesitantly, “if you feel… bad, you can come talk to me, okay? I know it’s-” He cuts himself off, shaking his head.

Gakushuu frowns. “Okay.”

Gakuhou nods at him. Then he’s pulling out his phone, already heading off, no doubt to his office.

Gakushuu looks down at his food. He’s not really hungry anymore.

The next few days are a blur. 

The immediate morning after, an unscheduled assembly is called where Principal Asano announces the news to everyone. 3-E look absolutely gutted, which makes Gakushuu feel even worse, because he knew how much Yukimura-Sensei believed in them. 

He wants to go up and say a few words to them, but he thinks it won’t be taken well.

Gakushuu doesn’t feel much of anything, really - and he wonders if that makes him a bad person, even when everyone else around him have clear expressions of shock and sadness. He’s the only one outside of 3-E to have really interacted with Yukimura-Sensei much - why does he feel… fine? He feels terrible for feeling fine.

Worse still, even his father continues to keep checking up on him for no reason - a testament to everyone expects Gakushuu to be grieving. Is he a bad person for not doing so?

He didn’t really… know Yukimura-Sensei. Yes, she was incredibly nice and kind, and he liked her enough. But he started speaking to her not because he wanted to be a friend, but because he and Katsuya thought that she could potentially be a good ally in any anti-Kunugigaoka system related efforts-

-God. He was a terrible person, wasn’t he?

Yukio’s been mostly silently brooding for the matter, and Gakushuu isn’t sure what he thinks - although if he had to guess, he’s sure Yukio’s not too affected by it. He never did speak to Yukimura-Sensei, and he’s generally apathetic about most things. It makes sense, but it doesn’t help Gakushuu’s own compartmentalizing.

Nanako seems slightly more affected by it, but she hasn’t started a conversation with Gakushuu on the matter, and Gakushuu’s fine with it because he isn’t sure what he’ll say to her either. Aside from that, she acts as if she normally would - she’s only spoken to Yukimura-Sensei once, so Gakushuu thinks it makes sense that she’s slightly shocked up but not too sad about it.

Katsuya seems the most… active about this whole scenario, which is… well, unusual, but surprisingly not too out of her character, Gakushuu thinks. She’s awake most times and hmm-ing and haw-ing away like she’s plotting something, and when Nanako and Yukio are asleep she grills Gakushuu for every second of his past experiences with her.

“Something is not adding up,” she insists.

“It’s just an accident,” Gakushuu repeats, “accidents happen all the time.”

“She was hiding something,” Katsuya decides.

“Yukimura-Sensei didn’t have to disclose everything about her personal life to us,” Gakushuu says. “The moon just exploded. Everyone was nervous.”

Funny how he says that - the moon did just explode, didn’t it? A world-changing phenomenon that people are still scrambling to explain,, and suddenly it seems so unimportant and long ago, overshadowed by something so close.

He welcomes Katsuya’s inquisitiveness, though, as morally unethical as he knows Nanako will think it is - it distracts his thoughts from spiralling into his own terrible character. The other three will always argue against it, but he knows they’re biased.

“Ren? Can I talk to you about something?”

“Yeah, of course,” Ren says immediately. He moves so that Gakushuu has a space next to him on the bench. He stares at Gakushuu for a bit, assessing, and then says, “Gakushuu, what’s up?”

Despite himself, Gakushuu grins at him. “What makes you think I’m not Yukio?”

Ren replies on beat, “Yukio sits more elegantly than you.”

“Are you saying I sit like a brute?”

“Yes.”

Gakushuu punches him in the arm. Ren snickers, then sobers up. “What’s wrong, Gakushuu?”

“It’s…” Gakushuu sighs, “about Yukimura-Sensei.”

“Oh,” Ren softens. “I’m sorry about her.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem.”

“What?”

“Everyone expects me to feel sad about it, but… I don’t. Well, not that I don’t feel sad about her dying - which I am! I think she was a good person and she didn’t deserve all that. But I guess… I’m not really… sad. Or as sad as I think I should be.”

“Hm,” Ren says, thoughtfully. “I don’t know, Gakushuu. I personally don’t feel too sad about it, either. But I never really spoke to her at all, so it’s like… a stranger.”

“I did,” Gakushuu points out. “I feel… obligated to be sad, if that makes sense.”

“I think I understand,” Ren says. “When you think about it in the context of this whole school, among the students, I suppose you do know her the best. But it’s not like you guys were that close, right?”

“I guess not,” Gakushuu acquiesces. “But everybody makes it feel like I should feel sadder.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everybody keeps asking me if I feel alright,” Gakushuu points out, “even my father.”

“Oh,” Ren says. “Well, you do look sad, if I’m being honest.”

Gakushuu frowns at him. “Do I?”

“Yeah,” Ren says. “You look troubled. Maybe that’s why.”

“Oh,” Gakushuu rubs his cheek. “I guess I’ve been feeling bad for… well, not feeling bad. Which... when I say it out loud, I guess it does mean that I am feeling bad about it after all.”

Ren smiles a little. “You’ve paradoxed yourself into feelings.”

Gakushuu nods. “A self-fulfilling prophecy of emotions."

Despite themselves, they giggle.

“Anyways,” Ren says, “I don’t think there’s a right way to feel something. I think that, regardless of what you’re feeling, as long as you don’t impose it on someone else, it’s good enough.”

Then Nanako says that she wants to talk to Tsubara about it all as well. She gives Gakushuu permission to be present, so Yukio and Katsuya gracefully go to sleep. Gakushuu and Nanako seek Tsubara out after one of his club training sessions.

“The thing is,” Nanako tells Tsubara, “I saw her that morning. It shook me that I was so close to it.”

“And she was someone you knew,” Tsubara nods. “It must be hard to process.”

“It’s not just that,” Nanako says. Pauses, as she stares at her hands. Takes in a deep breath. She starts, “When I was younger.”

Gakushuu sits up a bit straighter.

“This friend of mine,” Nanako says. “I love him to bits, you know. There was this point in time... “

Tsubara puts an arm around her.

“He almost died,” Nanako blurts. “And it terrified me, especially when I realize how close he came to it! I thought I was going to die too, and it was awful. Everytime I think of death, I think of that feeling, and when I heard Yukimura-Sensei die, that’s all I could think about! It’s been a long time, but I guess hearing about someone’s death just brought back unpleasant memories.”

“Oh!” Gakushuu gasps.

“Ah,” Tsubara says, eyes wide. “...I’m sorry about your friend.”

“Eh, he’s alright now,” Nanako says. “We’ve come a long way.”

“That’s nice to hear,” Tsubara says. “I don’t really know what else to say, but I hope you feel better.”

“It’s fine,” Nanako says. “It’s nice, just being able to tell you about it.”  

“Glad I could help?” Tsubara says. “Do you want to go get some ice cream or something? Cheer you up?”

Nanako grins. “That’d be great.”

“Right. Let me go get something from my classroom first. I’ll meet you at the gates.”

The walk to the gates is quiet at first, then Gakushuu says, “I didn’t realize that whole time with Katsuya affected you so much, too.”

“Honestly, it didn’t occur to me until I heard the news about Yukimura-sensei,” Nanako says. “After Katsuya became part of us, I had to force myself to stop thinking about that whole time to be able to get along with her.”

“That’s not emotionally healthy,” Gakushuu says.

“Probably,” Nanako agrees. “Thinking about it now, it made me realize how terrified I actually was. You were suicidal, Yukio shut himself in, whenever I woke up I never knew what was going on but I could feel everyone panicking, and Katsuya was- well, I don’t blame her now, but man, she was… a lot.”

Gakushuu laughs. “Yeah. That whole year was… a lot.”

“And I remember I felt like I had to protect both of you, because of everything that happened the year before.” Nanako says. “But Katsuya wasn’t a problem I could just, you know, punch away.”

“Yeah,” Gakushuu says, “but we were all protecting each other, weren’t we?”

“Exactly. Even Katsuya, in her own crazy way.” They both pause, but Katsuya doesn’t reply - of course not, she’s asleep. They giggle.

“Hey, Gakushuu?” Nanako says.

“Yeah?”

“...Can we… tell Tsubara? About us?”

Gakushuu pauses. “Actually… I don’t see why not.”

“Really?!”

“Of course! He’s been our friend for ages, and I trust him. We’ll ask Yukio and Katsuya about what they think when they’re back.”

Nanako beams. 

Yukio says gently, “of course, I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

Katsuya says affectionately, “if he shows a single inkling of negative intent, I will murder him.”

“Aww,” Nanako sniffs. “I love you guys. Don’t worry, if he takes it terribly, I’ll be the first one to knock him out.”

“Well,” Gakushuu says. “Either ways, I don’t think anyone is going to find us weirder than we already are.”

They don’t actually get to have that conversation with Tsubara because a day later, Gakushuu runs into an unfamiliar girl in the hallway.

“I’m sorry!” Gakushuu says quickly, pulling her to her feet. She looks about his age, but she’s not dressed in the Kunugigaoka school uniform - it’s just after school hours, why is she here? Gakushuu runs through a mental list of the activities he remembers are scheduled today, but there aren’t any inter-school activities that come to mind.

“Are you okay?” Gakushuu says.

“Yeah,” the girl says, rubbing her head. She stares at him, and does a double-take. “You look like the Principal.”

“Ah,” Gakushuu says, rubbing the back of his head, “I’m his son. My name is Asano Gakushuu.”

Katsuya is awake, and she hums thoughtfully. “So she’s already met the Principal.”

“Oh!” The girl says. “No wonder. My name is Kayano Kaede. It’s nice to meet you!”

Nanako blinks curiously at her. “What is she doing here?”

“Ah, I’m actually a transfer student!” Kayano says brightly. “I’m going to join class 3-E next week!”

Gakushuu blanches. “You’re joining… 3-E?’

“Mhm!” Kayano nods. “I’m excited! Kunugigaoka is such a prestigious school, I’m very grateful that I’m offered a place here.”

“Ah,” Nanako says.

“Oops,” Katsuya giggles.

“Oh, no,” Yukio says flatly, “how will we tell her?”

“Hm?” Kayano blinks. “Tell me what?”

Gakushuu flushes. “I was… talking to myself.”

Kayano stares. “Okay.”

“Um.” Gakushuu clears his throat, thinking of something to say. “Well. I’m actually the student council president this year, so on behalf of Kunugigaoka, let me welcome you.”

She smiles at him. “Thank you. It was nice speaking to you. I’ll see you around, then, Asano!”

Wait.

"You look familiar,” Gakushuu blurts.

Kayano blinks at him, and then smiles, blushing. "Is that how you pick up girls?"

"I- wh- n-no!" Gakushuu hides his now reddening cheeks with his hand. " I just meant- I mean- I did think you look familiar!"

Kayano giggles. "Well I'm sure we've never met before, or I'm sure I would have remembered you."

Nanako says, "aww."

Yukio says, "hmm."

Katsuya says, "she looks like Aguri Yukimura."

And then suddenly Gakushuu is on his back on the floor, a hand below his throat - pressure, not squeezing - and Kayano Kaede is glaring daggers into him.

Gakushuu's breath is knocked out of him.

He lies there for a moment, stunned. He's sure Nanako could snap in at a moment and flip her, but then he realizes that Kayano is not doing much of anything (other than sit on top of him him and glare at him.)

Gakushuu opens his mouth.

"You better keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you," Kayano Kaede hisses. 

Gakushuu shuts his mouth.

"Listen," Kayano says, "yeah, you're smart, you figured it out. I'm Aguri Yukimura's little sister." 

Gakushuu blurts, "My condolences."

Kayano (?) blinks. "Um. Thank you. Anyways," she snaps, "I bet they told everyone she got into a car accident because that's what they told me. But I know the truth. She was murdered, and I've enrolled here in this school to get to the bottom of it."

"Wait, wait, hold on," Gakushuu says. "Yukimura-Sensei was murdered?!" (Somewhere in his mind, Katsuya is crowing with unadulterated smugness.)

Kayano snarls, "I saw it with my own two eyes."

What? What? WHAT?

"...And you think her murderer is…" his voice drops to a whisper, "in this school?"

"I don't just think so," she snaps, "I know it is."

Gakushuu immediately says, "it wasn't me."

Kayano narrows her eyes, and snorts. "Yeah. I know. It was an adult."

"It wasn't my father either," Gakushuu says. "He has an alibi. Who is, um, me."

"Yeah." Kayano rolls her eyes. "I know."

"Oh," Gakushuu says lamely. "Um. Sorry if it's a stupid question. If you know who they are, why don't you, uh, go to the police?"

She stares flatly at him. "They can't do anything."

"Why not?"

"You ask a lot of questions, don't you?"

"There's a murderer in my school?" Gakushuu squeaks. "I'm worried!"

"I am working on it," Katsuya says, already making a list of all the faculty she remembers.

“I am working on it,” Kayano parrots unknowingly (Nanako snickers, and it takes all of Gakushuu’s willpower to keep a straight face). 

“Um,” Gakushuu says, “then… uh, you should know about… 3-E?”

“Yes, I know how the whole system works,” Kayano muses. "The weakest bunch of students get send down to the E-class." Then she snaps her attention back to him. “Listen, if you blow my cover, I’ll kill you.”

Her fingernails dig into his shirt. Gakushuu winces at that - he’s not too intimidated by her, although he admires her, uh, resolve, especially since she’s heading straight to 3-E to conduct an apparent murder investigation? “Okay.”

“And you better keep your thoughts to yourself,” she hisses. “You better not talk about it, write about it, or- or even think about it!”

Gakushuu pales at her emphasis. Did he give something about his alters away? “Think about it?”

She gives him an irritated look. “You think aloud and speak your thoughts a lot. Haven’t you noticed?”

Ah. “Um.”

“Whatever. I don’t care. Just keep it to yourself, understood?”

Gakushuu swallows. “Got it.”

“Good.” Kayano nods, then she gets off of him and pulls him up with a surprisingly strong grip. He adjusts the front of his shirt and smooths out the crinkles.

Kayano beams sunnily at him, so jarringly different from just now that Gakushuu blinks in shock. She says, “well, now that we have that settled. Once again, it was nice speaking to you-”

(“Don’t let her walk away, dumbass,” Katsuya scolds him, “she’s our lead in!”

“Are you still on about that?” Nanako crosses her arms.

“Yes, and I’m right!”)

“Wait.”

Kayano smiles. “Yes?’

“Um. Do you… need help?”

Her gaze turns sharp. She reminds me of Katsuya. “What?”

Gakushuu frowns. “Well… I won’t say I was particularly close to Yukimura-Sensei, but we spoke several times before, and I knew she was a great person. She definitely didn’t deserve any of it… and I don’t really understand the grief you must be feeling right now, but I know it must be really hard. Um... If there’s anything you need… well, I am the council president, and the teachers know me, so if you need to interview anybody, or, I guess... if you just need a listening ear-”

She steps forward and hugs him.

Gakushuu can hear Yukio (really, Yukio?) and Nanako screaming in his head.

Gakushuu says, “um.” But Kayano hugs him, and very slowly Gakushuu puts his arms around her to pat her back.

“Thank you,” Kayano says, muffled into his shirt. “No one has said that to me yet.”

"Oh." Gakushuu says. Now he feels a little bad for her. “I’m sorry.” 

“The people in my old school didn’t even know she- well, I didn’t tell them. And our family…”

She tightens her arms around him, and Gakushuu pats her back. 

Hugging a girl in real life, he decides, is very different from hugging Nanako.

Then Kayano steps away from him. She smiles at Gakushuu again, decidedly softer. She says, “you’re kind of a weirdo, Gakushuu Asano. I’ll see you around.”

“Guys,” Nanako says, “I like her.”

“Of course you do,” Katsuya snorts.

“Gakushuu,” Nanako says to him. “Go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I bet you guys ten bucks he’s blushing.”

Yukio says, “I don’t think you understand how our collective finances work.”

Katsuya says, “we have the same bank account, dumbass. I’ll take that bet.”

"Wait," Gakushuu says, "Kayano Kaede isn't her real name, is it?"

Chapter Text

"Tsubara," Nanako says very seriously when she runs into him in the hallways that morning, "I have something I need to tell you."

Tsubara opens his mouth, and then closes it. Sets the bag he's holding down. Furrows his brow and says, "is everything alright, Gakushuu?"

Nanako would say yes, except the correct answer is actually no because no, not everything is alright! She is terrified! Gakushuu's nervousness is multiplying with her own, Yukio's normally soothing string of thoughts are rattling in her mind, and Katsuya is so on edge that she feels like punching something! 

"You're going to think I'm crazy!" Nanako wails.

And all of a sudden Tsubara grabs her by the shoulder and shakes her once. Nanako blinks, stunned.

"You're not crazy," Tsubata says very firmly. Then, "did someone say something to you?! Who are they? When did they say that? Don't listen to them, you're not crazy, okay?"

Nanako gasps. 

Katsuya and Yukio both fall into shocked silences.

Gakushuu bursts into tears. 

"Oh," Nanako says, hand over her mouth. "You're my best friend, Tsubara."

"A-ah. Well. You're my best friend too," Tsubara says, cheeks tinged red. 

Nanako nods empathetically. "Bestie, I have so much to tell you about. It's nothing, um, bad, but we should wait until after school."

"Uh, sure," Tsubara says. "But you're okay, right? Do you need any emergency help?"

"Nothing of that sort," Nanako shakes her head. "Meet me at the gates after class, okay?"

"Sure," Tsubara says, but he still looks apprehensive. "Call me if you need me before then, okay?"

Ren tells him, later that day at break, “I’m on speed dial if you need me.”

Yukio says, “I need you now to make me feel less nervous.” He sighs, and closes his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve felt this anxious since I’ve met Katsuya.”

Ren pats him on the shoulder commiseratingly. “I know how much he cares about you all. I’m sure it will go fine.”

“Yes. I shouldn’t be nervous.” Yukio presses both his clammy hands to his cheek. “I’m supposed to be the calmest of them all - even Katsuya is emotional. That’s why I’m out here now.”

“You’re still allowed to be emotional, you know,” Ren says gently to him. “I think seeing you like this is kinda funny.”

Yukio lifts his head from his hands and glares half-heartedly at him.

“It’s true,” Ren snickers. “Although, it won’t exactly be accurate to say that I’ve never seen this expression on you before, because you all look the same…”

“Oh,” Yukio says, surprised. “That’s right. You’ve never seen how we look like before.”

“I’ve gotten descriptions,” Ren starts, but his voice trails off when Yukio pulls out his notepad and flips to a fresh page.

“Katsuya looks a lot like Gakuhou,” Yukio says softly, and Ren watches him draw thin strokes over the margins of the lined paper. “I’m not… ah… very good at this.” The girl he sketches out looks alarmingly like a female version of the Principal. 

“She and Gakushuu look very alike,” Yukio comments, sketching her hair. It’s long and straight, falling past her shoulders. “It makes sense, because Gakushuu himself already looks like Gakuhou…”

Ren says, “wow.”

Katsuya stares back at him, with a neutral-displeased expression.

“That’s how she always looks,” Yukio says. His fingers twitch. “Well, not really. I don’t think I got her nose right enough.”

He turns to a new page. “Nanako looks the most different from all of us,” he says. “I think we all looked more similar when we were younger.” Yukio draws for her a rounder face, large eyes, and messy hair. “She never ties it up,” he says. “I wonder what she will look like if she does.”

He finishes it off with a rebellious curl of her hair, and then purses his lips to scrutinize his drawing. “I got her eyes a little weird.”

He sets to close his notepad, but Ren stops him. “What about yourself?” 

“A-ah,” Yukio mumbles, a little embarrassed. “I think it’s a little weird to draw myself. I won’t get it right, anyways.”

“But I want to see what you look like.”

“I’ll ask Gakushuu to draw it for you.”

Ren says, “Gakushuu can’t draw.”

Yukio hides his smile behind his notepad. “He’ll try his best.”

Tsubara is waiting by the school gates by the time Nanako goes out to meet him. “Hey! Sorry, I got caught up with something.”

Something, of course, being Gakushuu trying his best to draw and his attempts being so hilarious that they all got distracted, until Katsuya reminded them of the time.

“It’s fine,” Tsubara says, smiling in greeting, but he still looks worried. “Where should we go?”

Nanako smiles a little sheepishly at him. “Somewhere without anyone else?”

Tsubara thinks. “...we can go to a park?”

“That'd be good.”

The walk to Shibuya Park is quiet and a little awkward, mostly because of Nanako's buzzing thoughts, and the three are loudly chattering away. She’s aware she missed some of Tsubara’s words to her, but after the third “I’m sorry, I was distracted,” Tsubara tells her not to worry and that they’ll find somewhere more comfortable to sit. Is this what Gakushuu feels like when he’s trying to field conversations from both them and his classmates?

They find the most secluded park bench in the park, under the shade of a tree. Nanako takes a deep breath, and Tsubara waits patiently, brows furrowed.

Nanako says, “promise me you won’t think I’m crazy?”

Tsubara looks mad again. “Is anyone-”

“Please just promise me.”

“...yeah, I won’t.”

“Alright… Well… the truth is…”

Nanako inexplicably starts giggling. Tsubara blinks quickly at her in stunned-confused silence, and then a little laugh escapes him - and then they’re both laughing to themselves on a park bench, and Nanako realizes that that’s the feeling of relief.

Afterwards Tsubara pulls her into a hug. Nanako swears she feels just as emotional as Gakushuu does - she hiccups.

“Of course I believe you,” Tsubara insists. “I don’t understand a lot of what you just told me, but I’ll learn about it.”

“I don’t regret telling you,” Nanako says, voice muffled into his shirt.”

“Thank you, Asano,” Tsubara says, patting her back - and then pauses. “Uhhh.”

“I’m Nanako,” she says. “I’m the one you usually talk to. The others are awake now too, though.”

“Oh,” Tsubara says, eyes wide. “That’s Yukio, Katsuya, and… Gakushuu?”

“The very one,” Nanako says. She’s smiling so hard her face hurts. 

“I… Nanako…”

This is the first time that someone other than her alters or Ren have called her by name. Nanako feels like crying. Gakushuu is already crying.

“You can just call me Asano Gakushuu when we’re in public,” she says. “All of us respond to it. Makes things easier at school, too.” 

“Ah,” Tsubara says. “Um, can I ask, who else knows?”

“Ren,” Nanako says. “He’s Gakushuu’s best friend. And Yukio’s best friend.” (She makes a weird gesture at the latter sentence.) Pauses. “No one else.”

“Sakakibara?” Tsubara hums. “Oh, yeah. That makes sense.” Then, “really? No one else? What about your dad?”

Nanako sighs. “Not even him, if you can believe it.”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah, it’s…” Nanako shrugs, “we never talked to him about it. He's… not great."

"...Ah." Tsubara doesn’t ask more about it, and Nanako doesn’t explain it - she has no intention of unpacking that family-sized set of baggage. She supposes that they eventually would have to, but you know, she’ll burn that bridge when she gets to it.

Ren and Tsubara meet.

Well, they’ve already met - they are all schoolmates, of course. But this time they meet in the capacity as people who know , which is equal parts exhilarating and terrifying to witness.

Ren starts, “so, the induction ceremony-”

“Oh my god, Ren,” Gakushuu says, hands pressed to his cheeks.

Tsubara says very seriously, “what do I have to do.”

Gakushuu laughs. “Guys!”

“Nah, I’m just messing with you,” Ren cackles. “There’s no induction. We’re like, Gakushuu’s only friends.”

“Oh,” Tsubara nods, “that’s true.”

Gakushuu says, “hey!”

Ren says, “let’s make a group chat.”

There's a new teacher for 3-E. 

Gakushuu knows, because the school website updated to reflect one Karasuma-Sensei, homeroom teacher for class 3-E. He doesn't hear anything from his father, who in these past few days has seemed to pick up a bit of a workload (understandable, with the recent happenings). 

The profile picture for Karasuma-Sensei depicts a stern and professional man, but there’s not much else listed upon his credentials, other than a single line that states he had three years of prior experience as an instructor. An instructor for what, or where, it doesn’t say - which is not a red flag in itself, because there are confidentiality agreements among these kinds of things, and Gakushuu knows that his father won’t hire someone he doesn’t trust.

But then Akari (who goes adamantly by Kayano, and had jumped Gakushuu in the hallways three days ago to input her number in his phone) texted him, “what can you find out about Karasuma-Sensei?”

The reminder that there’s a murder case in his school crashes back down to Gakushuu. And then he’s freaked out a little bit more, because he’s sure that none of the other faculty have done it. 

None of the staff have met this ‘Karasuma-Sensei’ yet, although Akihru-Sensei whispers to Gakushuu that he’s seen a bunch of people in black suits go in and out of the Principal’s office two days ago, one of them resembling Karasuma-Sensei… which is fishy, the more Gakushuu thinks about it. Why multiple people? What are they doing? 

From what he knows, 3-E is still currently being taught by the substitute teacher, so whatever teaching arrangements with Karasuma-Sensei must not have started yet. He’s busy most days after school with his extracurriculars and his student council meetings, and by the time he tries to stake out at the Principal’s office, his father is packed-up and ready to go home for the day. (If he notices why Gakushuu is suddenly accompanying him home more often this past week, he doesn’t comment much on it.)

And then Gakushuu runs into Karasuma-Sensei.

Gakushuu wasn't even actively looking for him this time (he genuinely needed a signature and figured he would just go straight to the Principal, instead of passing the form to some teachers who will keep passing the form to each other to avoid speaking to Gakuhou). The other three aren’t interested in his council matters, so they’re not awake then (although Gakushuu can feel Katsuya stirring.)

And there he is - turning the corner, to see Karasuma-Sensei opening the door and stepping out of the Principal's office.

Gakushuu halts in his tracks.

Behind him another lady in a suit emerges from the Principal's office. She's flipping through a clipboard, and she notices Gakushuu first - nudges Karasuma-Sensei, who looks up from his phone and blinks in surprise.

Gakushuu says, "hi."

Karasuma-Sensei says, "hello."  He glances at the woman, who shrugs back.

"I'm Gakushuu Asano," Gakushuu says, giving his best PR smile. 

“Oh,” the woman says, bringing a hand up to her chest.

“I’m the student council president this year,” Gakushuu presses. “Karasuma-Sensei, right? Hi!”

Karasuma-Sensei smiles slightly, but it’s a little strained. “Hello, Asano. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t know your name.”

“It’s okay,” the woman says quickly, “I’m not working here.”

What is she doing here, then?”

“She’s my agent,” Karasuma-Sensei says.

...teachers have agents?

“It’s a… special arrangement,” Karasuma-Sensei says, clearing his throat. He looks at Gakushuu for a moment, frowning, and Gakushuu is abruptly reminded of his father’s own stare. “Is there anything you needed me for?”

“Oh? Oh! No, no. I just wanted to say hi,” Gakushuu says, now feeling a little chastised for a reason he can’t quite explain. “Since we would be, um, corresponding on school-related matters for the next year… I was just here to pass the Principal some stuff.”

“Don’t let me keep you then.”

“R-right.” Gakushuu ducks past them, and he watches as the both of them walk down the corridor, talking frantically about something. He swallows, and raps on the Principal’s door.

His father looks surprised to see him. “Did you run into Karasuma and Sonokawa on the way out?”

Sonokawa? Was that her name? “Yeah.”

Gakuhou’s brow furrows. “Did they say anything to you?”

“No… should they have?”

“Nothing you need to be concerned about.” Gakuhou takes the papers from Gakushuu and skims them, signs his name off at the bottom and hands it back. “I have a meeting that ends late today, you should go home first.”

Oh! Gakushuu’s nearly forgotten. He doesn’t have to stay back anymore, since he’s already met Karasuma-Sensei. “Okay, see you.”

“That was weird,” Katsuya says, suddenly popping into his consciousness.

Gakushuu jumps. “Holy shit, you scared me!”

“What?” His father says.

“Nothing! I was talking to a fly. There’s a fly in your office. See you at dinner!”

Chapter Text

“He-ey, Asano!”

Gakushuu glances up, and looks to his left. “Hey, Kayano.” And, oh! “Nagisa.”

Akari Yukimura - Kayano, Gakushuu is working on referring to her as Kayano even when speaking to his alters lest they accidentally slip up - is waving. She’s dragging Nagisa behind her. 

Oh, they’re both wearing the same hairstyle? That’s kind of cute. 

“Ah, Kayano,” Gakushuu can hear Nagisa speak, as they get closer. He sounds baffled. “The friend you were referring to is the Principal’s son, Asano?”

“That’s right,” Akari/Kayano says, eyes sparkling, voice deceptively innocent. “Asano and I go way back. Isn’t that right, Asano?”

Gakushuu stares at her. 

Kayano winks at him.

“Yes,” Gakushu says. “We, uh, we’ve known each other before she started class here.” Which is... technically true.

Kayano snorts.

“O-oh,” Nagisa says, eyes wide. “You probably came to Kunugigaoka to meet him, huh. Sorry you got booted down to E class instead of being able to spend time with your friend.”

“What are you talking about, Nagisa!” Kayano giggles. ‘You’re my friend, too!”

“And mine, too,” Gakushuu reminds him (although he wonders how true that is now, given their extenuating circumstances.)

Nagisa blushes. “A-ah, thank you guys.”

“Anyways,” Kayano says, “would you like to join me and Asano? We’re going to get dinner.”

Gakushuu opens his mouth.

Kayano steps on his foot.

“N-no thank you,” Nagisa says. “Um, I’m afraid my mother already prepared dinner for me. You two have fun, though.”

“Maybe next time,” Gakushuu says. Nagisa nods at the both of them and scurries off, and then Gakushuu turns to stare at Kayano.

“Don’t give me that look,” Kayano says, elbowing him. “You’re friends with Nagisa?”

Gakushuu furrows his brow. “I think so? I don’t know if he hates me. I think most of 3-E hates me.” Pauses. “You’re friends with Nagisa?”

“I’d have you know that I’m a very charismatic person.”

“Does no one see your resemblance to your sister?” Gakushuu says. “I mean, since they’re actually her students and all.”

“What can I say,” Kayano shrugs, “I’m a very great actor.”

“Are we actually getting dinner?” Gakushuu asks.

“Hmm…” She taps her chin, “yes, yes we are. What, you have something on?”

“No, but all you texted me was, ‘wait by the gate at 5, loser’. If we’re going out to eat, I have to tell my father.”

“Psh, daddy’s boy.”

Gakushuu elbows her. He texts his father, who simply replies with a curt “okay”, and Kayano (looking over his shoulder) wrinkles her nose. “Why’d you have his number saved as ‘Principal’?”

Gakushuu shrugs. “We have a weird relationship.”

“Um... sure.” Kayano says, a weird look on her face. “I have a restaurant in mind. I’ve never tried it, but a classmate recommended it. Let’s go.”

“Hi, welcome to- oh my god.”

Yukio says, “oh my god.”

Gakushuu sighs. “Hi.”

Isogai, very obviously still working a part-time job that he’s not supposed to be allowed to do, blinks owlishly at him. Then he turns to Kayano, mouth gaping, hand twitching in an aborted gesture.

Kayano looks genuinely confused. “What?”

Isogai purses his lip and falls silent, gaze dropping to his shoes. Gakushuu feels guilty. He tells her, “working as a Kunugigaoka student is not allowed against the school rules.”

“Oh,” Kayano nods a little, still looking confused, before realization noticeably dawns on her face. “Oh… oh!” 

She and Isogai turn to Gakushuu.

Gakushuu rubs the back of his head awkwardly. “I really didn’t tell anyone the last time, Isogai. I know you won’t believe me… but I really didn’t.”

Kayano looks affronted. “You told on Isogai?”

“I already said I didn’t!”

“Guys, please stop fighting,” Isogai sighs, looking dejected. “I’ll get you both seated, okay? If I’m going to lose my job again, I might as well get a nice tip.”

“I-”, Gakushuu tries, then gives up. “Nevermind.”

Kayano looks at him suspiciously even as Isogai ushers them to a corner booth and hands them both menus. “I’ll be back shortly to take your order.”

“I really didn’t tell on him the first time,” Gakushuu tries to explain to her. “I found out he was working - in a different place - last year, and I kept it a secret. My father found out too, unfortunately, and he demoted Isogai to E-Class. I got in trouble for keeping it a secret."

Kayano stares at him for a long silence, and she continues staring even as Isogai sweeps by with glasses of water and vanishes in a flurry of aprons. She stares at Gakushuu for so long that he almost starts fidgeting (all the experience he has with his father's own long-uncomfortable stares are coming in handy). Finally she says, “I believe you.”

Gakushuu blinks in surprise. “You do?”

“Yeah," Kayano says. She does not elaborate.

Isogai smiles thinly at them when he comes to take their orders. Gakushuu wants to sink down in his seat in shame.

“Sorry, Isogai,” Kayano says genuinely. “You recommended this place, and I didn’t know working was against the rules. I wanted to come here with my friend.”

“It’s okay,” Isogai smiles wanly at her. “I don’t blame you.” Then, “how did you two meet, if you don’t mind me asking?” He looks at Gakushuu a little suspiciously, as if Gakushuu was the one that cornered Kayano in the school hallway and kicked her ass when she mentioned a passing resemblance to his relative.

“In his old elementary school before he transferred,” Kayano says, without missing a beat. Oh, okay, someone told Kayano about his past. So everyone knows about Gakushuu's entire life story and educational history, now? Do they tell the new first years and exchange students all about Gakushuu's issues and the trouble he gets into? Is this the preferred topic of discussion when he's not listening?

Kayano continues, “I transferred out too at about the same time, but we went to different places.”

“Yeah,” Gakushuu says lamely, feeling very much like Yukio.

“That’s nice,” Isogai says, sounding like he thinks it’s not very nice at all. “I’ll be back with your orders.” He leaves with a final glance and forced-polite nod at Gakushuu.

Gakushuu sighs. “I really didn’t tell.”

“I know.”

“Did you tell everyone in E-class we were childhood friends?”

“They’re bound to catch us interacting at some point in time,” Kayano shrugs. “You’re my main information broker. This is easy to explain.”

“Ah.”

“Anyways,” she says, “about Karasuma-sensei.”

“I told you about him over text.”

“You texted, and I quote, “he wears a suit and he’s in a hurry.”

“We spoke for like, five seconds,” Gakushuu mumbles.

“Anything else you could gather about him?” Kayano says, waving a hand around. “Was he, you know, holding anything… did he mention anything odd… was he with anyone…?”

“Well, he was with that colleague of his… wait, you don’t think he could be your sister’s murderer, could h-”

”Shut up, shut up,” Kayano interrupts. “You said he was with his colleague ?” Her eyes widen, and she sits up so abruptly that Gakushuu jumps. “Tell me about it!”

“Um,” Gakushuu says. “Sonokawa, I think her name was. Karasuma-sensei said she was his, uh, agent? I didn’t know teachers had agents-”

“Sonokawa? Was that all?” Kayano demands.

“I… yeah.”

“You didn’t mention anything about her over text.”

“I… forgot?” Gakushuu shrugs helplessly. 

Kayano rolls her eyes, but she relaxes. “Ah, yeah, right. Everyone says you’re scatterbrained.”

Gakushuu winces. He didn’t really forget - Katsuya says not to offer more information than necessary before you scope out the other party’s intentions. Gakushuu can hear her scolding him for bringing it up first. Gakushuu’s glad she’s asleep.

“No I’m not, you little shit. I’ll save the scolding for later so you don’t get distracted in this conversation.”

Ah. Oh dear.

“So?” Kayano says, again. “Did you happen to meet… any other teachers for 3-E?”

“No,” Gakushuu says. He frowns. “Why? Is there a new teacher for 3-E? Only Karasuma-Sensei is registered as one.”

“Oh, no,” Kayano says, “I was just wondering. Aren’t there usually multiple teachers for different subjects?”

“Ah, I’m sorry, it’s different for 3-E,” Gakushuu winces. “It’s… complicated.”

It’s not complicated. His father is just terrible.

Well, it’s somewhat complicated. One teacher usually teaches all the subjects in elementary school, and that practice is sometimes carried out in middle schools as well depending on prestige and staff allocations. Kunugigaoka is supposed to be rather specialized, so they have a teacher per subject so they can dedicate their effort into perfecting one course, but it’s not exactly uncommon practice the way 3-E is… because they are already mismanaging their standard academics, how can they expect to specialize? In the words of Gakuhou.

Well, his father is just elitist.

(That, and minimizing the staff teaching 3-E probably means less opportunity for someone to attempt to oppose the system, or so Katsuya theorizes.)

Kayano frowns thoughtfully. “...so as far as you know, Karasuma-Sensei is our only teacher for the rest of the year?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine.” Kayano shakes her head.

Isogai returns with their tray. “Dig in.”

Gakushuu tries again to make conversation. “This looks great.”

“Thank you," Isogai says. "I'll send your compliments to the chef."

Kayano stares at them.

"Will you sit down with us, Isogai?" Gakushuu says abruptly.

"Yeah," Kayano jumps on. "For a bit."

Isogai looks at him for a moment, and then sighs. "I have a break coming up in a while. Give me five minutes."

"Bring something with you," Gakushuu says. "It's on me. As an apology."

"Hey, sorry that took a while," Isogai says, finally sliding into the bench next to Kayano. He has a drink with him. "I already had dinner earlier."

"I've known Asano for long time," Kayano says. "He's honestly not that kind of person. I believe he wouldn't have sold you out to the school."

"Yeah," Gakushuu says. "And I won't this time, either!"

"I want to believe you," Isogai says, "but I really can't lose this job."

Gakushuu bites his lip. As long as his father doesn't find out...

"I bet it's because of your crazy dad," Kayano says. Can she read his mind? Well, no - if she could, he'd already be in trouble. She says, "it's him, isn't he?" She turns to Isogai. "I'm sure everyone knows, but the Principal is seriously nuts. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a tracking device on you."

"I hope he doesn't," Gakushuu says. 

Gakushuu... hopes he doesn't. 

"Remember all that insane things he did to you when you were younger?" Kayano says, and oh boy does Gakushuu remember. She looks meaningfully at him. "What was it he used to do?"

Isogai looks over too, curious, and Gakushuu... blanks.

Uh… quick Gakushuu, think. Say something normal and believable that a regular old parent like Gakuhou would do. Don't say anything incriminating or weird. Don't say he used to lock you in the cupboard.

"He used to what?!"

Gakushuu slaps his hands over his mouth. 

Both Kayano and Isogai look horrified. 

"Is that true?" 

"No," Gakushuu lies.

"You suck at lying," Kayano informs him.

"Asano Gakushuu," Katsuya says cheerily, "you are so dead when I get my hands on you."

"No, no, this could work," Katsuya says much later (after dinner ends, where Isogai sends Gakushuu off with a more-pitying-than-hostile smile and Kayano said “I should have broken more than his computer,” and Gakushuu said “what?” and Kayano said “nothing, go home, bye bye”), and after Katsuya chews Gakushuu out for fifteen minutes. "They think you're a loser."

"Loser, Affectionate," says Nanako.

“And them thinking I’m a loser is going to help?” Gakushuu says.

“They won’t feel threatened by you, of course,” Katsuya says cheerily. “So you can secure them as allies.”

“Nobody feels threatened by Gakushuu,” Yukio says flatly, before reaching out one hand to pinch Gakushuu’s cheeks.

“I don’t mind being friends with 3-E, but why do I need them as allies?”

“Think about it this way,” Nanako says, pinching Gakushuu’s other cheek, “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

“Wow,” Katsuya says, sounding impressed. “You actually get it for once.”

“Why, thank yo- hey!”

“They’re the most disadvantaged by Gakuhou’s regime, so they have the most incentive to speak out against him,” Katsuya says.

“Besides,” Yukio reminds them, “they have strong players.”

Gakushuu says, “...Akabane?”

Yukio nods solemnly. “Akabane.”

“Actually, now that you’ve mentioned it,” Katsuya muses, “this does provide us with a unique opportunity. Akabane is the only top-40 student that has ever ended up in class 3-E. In fact, he’s a top 10 student. This is possibly the biggest chance we’ll ever get to prove to the Principal that his ideals are bullshit.” 

And then she reaches over and squishes Gakushuu’s cheeks as well.

“I don’t understand any of you,” Gakushuu tells them.

“Ren. The new transfer student in class 3-E is telling people that her and Gakushuu are childhood friends.”

“What?” Ren says. “What?”

“Mhm,” Yukio says. “I’m letting you know so you can corroborate the story.” He pauses. “It’s important.”

“I…” Ren blinks. “Okay? Can I ask why?”
“She requires our assistance with one of her personal projects,” Yukio says. Pauses. Looks left and right, and then leans in.

"Ah," Ren says. Looks left and right, and tilts his head.

"She claims that someone in Kunugigaoka killed her sister."

"WHAT?!"

Yukio smacks his arm. "Shh."

"Sorry," Ren winces, and his voice drops to a hysterical whisper. "What!?"

"An adult, not a student," Yukio says. 

"That doesn't make things any better!"

"It's not Gakuhou."

"Okay, well, that makes things a lot better."

“Ren.”

“That’s not sarcasm!” Ren insists, then, “why you all?”

“She ran into Gakushuu in the hallway and he was nice to her. Then she realized he’s the Principal’s son and decided he would be a good source of information.”

“Ah.” Ren says. “...why does she think that someone from Kunugigaoka, um, you know, her, uh, sister?”

“I don’t know,” Yukio shrugs. “But she has a case for it, given that her sister is Yukimura-Sensei.”

“WHAT?!”

“Okay,” Katsuya says, popping up at the back of Yukio’s head. “You and Gakushuu are not allowed to speak from now on.”

“Ah,” Yukio says belatedly. “I said too much.”

Chapter Text

"Karma Akabane gets out of suspension next week."

Gakushuu blinks at the date he'd circled on his planner. It seemed like forever ago that he'd gotten suspended for getting into that fight. Gakushuu wonders how he's doing.

"Oh no," Nanako says, currently manifesting as a flurry of nervous thoughts in Gakushuu's head (as Gakushuu's mind goes, whenever he thinks of Akabane.) "He better not cause any more trouble!"

"He is a wild card," Katsuya agrees, humming thoughtfully. "I wonder how he'd react to all the changes."

"Poor Yukimura-Sensei," Nanako sighs. "Poor Kayano. I still feel so sorry for them!"

"Yeah," Gakushuu says. "Maybe I should ask Kayano about him-"

"Guys?" Yukio says, piping up. "Akabane… does know about everything, right?"

The four of them stop short.

"Oh my god," Gakushuu says. "Did anyone tell him?"

"Surely Dad would have, right?" Gakushuu paces, wearing a hole in the carpet of his dreamscape. Yukio is on the bed, Nanako braiding his hair next to him, and Katsuya paces in time with Gakushuu.

"I don't think such a detail would have slipped Gakuhou's mind," Katsuya muses. "He probably sent some form of notice."

"Dear Akabane, Yukimura-Sensei has passed away?" Gakushuu tugs at his hair. "Seems so. Impersonal. Cold."

"Mhm," Katsuya says, now looking into a handheld mirror.

"What do you want to do, Gakushuu?" Yukio asks.

Gakushuu looks at Nanako.

"What?" Nanako crosses her arms. "I don't want to talk to him! I'm mad at him!" She huffs, puffing her cheeks out. Yukio pats her hair. 

"I'd feel bad if he doesn't know," Gakushuu says. “I think we should reach out.”

"Hm," Katusya considers for a while. "Alright. It’d be an extension of goodwill, if anything, since he’s one of the strongest allies we hope to secure.”

Gakushuu sends Akabane a text. 

Gakushuu: Hello Akabane, this is Asano. Are you okay to talk?

 

The reply comes almost immediately.

Akabane: what the fuck dude

 

Gakushuu winces. Looks like Akabane is still mad at-

Akabane: it's 2 in the morning

 

What?

Gakushuu: Oh, sorry. I didn't notice the time. I apologize for bothering you.

Akabane: whatever

Akabane: I'm already awake

Akabane: what do you want?

Gakushuu: I just wanted to reach out, given that you're coming back to school starting next week. I know we didn't end the last semester on a good note, but I still hope for us to be friends.

Akabane: cut the crap

Akabane: what do you really want

 

Gakushuu frowns. Katsuya whistles. "Perceptive. Fine, no more chit-chat. Just go straight to the point with him."

"I don't want to ask him outright if he heard that Yukimura-Sensei passed away. That's rude," Gakushuu complains. "A little… insensitive. What if he hasn't heard of it?"

Katsuya rolls her eyes. "Ugh, fine."

Gakushuu: Have you heard the news about 3-E?

Akabane: have YOU heard the news about 3E

Gakushuu: yes, of course.

Akabane: what the fuck

Akabane: why would they tell you

 

What? Gakushuu furrows his brow. "What is he-"

Katsuya narrows her eyes. "Wait a moment. Something's wrong."

"Yeah," Gakushuu says. He types the next sentence out, Katsuya reads it over and approves it with a cautious hum, and them they send it.

Gakushuu: Why wouldn't they tell me about it?

Akabane: are YOU in class 3E?

 

"Hm," Katsuya says.

Gakushuu: I don't see how that matters.

Akabane is typing...

Akabane: no I haven't heard the news

Akabane: what is it?

 

Katsuya curses, "dammit."

"What?" Nanako scrunches up her nose. "I don't get it."

"There's something that Akabane is hiding from us," Gakushuu explains. "It's a secret only class 3-E students know, apparently. At first he was surprised because he thought we did, and he asked if I was in 3-E. The moment I said my class didn't matter, he knew I was bluffing, because it would matter if it was a 3-E exclusive secret."

"I don’t know how you two do these sort of mind games,” Yukio grumbles, while Nanako nods empathetically next to him. 

“It’s not that hard,” Katsuya says. “It’s like playing chess.”

“Chess is easy,” Yukio argues. “This is not.”

“What are you going to type?” Nanako says. 

Gakushuu: Your original 3-E homeroom teacher, Yukimura-Sensei, passed away. I wasn’t sure if you have been informed, so I wanted to check in on you. My condolences.

 

There’s a long pause over the phone, and if it were not for the green “online” icon next to Akabane’s name, Gakushuu would be sure he’d gone offline.

Then,

Akabane: yeah

Akabane: I know

 

Of course someone would have informed him already. Gakushuu feels a little bit silly now. Oh, he’s typing.

Akabane: what do you know about whoever is replacing her?

Gakushuu: Your new homeroom teacher is a man named Karasuma-Sensei. I haven’t spoken to him much, unfortunately, but he seems very professional.

Akabane: what are his credentials?

Gakushuu: I’m not sure, sorry.

 

Gakushuu’s - obviously - not allowed to access any teacher files. 

Akabane: is that all you know?

 

Katsuya says, “don’t mention Sonokawa.”

Gakushuu: Yes. I don’t know much about him.. 

 

There’s another long pause, and Akaban types for a while… before he goes offline without replying. Oh, well.

Gakushuu slowly rereads their conversation, but nothing else stands out to him as new information. Katsuya lets out a sigh of frustration. “We really lost it with that damn 3-E comment,” she says. 

“Maybe we can ask Kayano about it?” Nanako suggests.

“Maybe,” Katsuya says. “Hm. I don’t really remember much of our conversation with her and Isogai that time at the cafe. I don’t remember anything that sounds suspicious, though.”

“I do,” Yukio says. “I’ll write it down for you.”

They don’t really get to speak with Kayano for the next few days - she’s busy on the one day Gakushuu texts her, and then afterwards Gakushuu gets busy too, as the student council starts early preparations for their upcoming sports showcase. It’s a gender segregated events with the boys playing baseball and the girls playing volleyball.

Nanako whines a little but she - for very obvious reasons - cannot play volleyball. The whole event is supposed to be a relaxing free-for-all so the students can unwind, so she might be able to try baseball, although that would depend on what Gakushuu’s duties are like during the event. It’s not a sport that any of them play, so they’re no good at it, but it would be a fun opportunity for Nanako to stretch her legs.

He hears that Akabane has come to school, but being in the 3-E classroom, Gakushuu doesn’t catch a glimpse of him. He doesn’t know if Nanako is disappointed or relieved.

And then Gakushuu receives a text.

Akabane: can we meet?

“Hey, Asano!”

Gakushuu looks up. “Back of the school path up to 3-E” isn’t the most descriptive location marker, and for a moment Gakushuu wonders if Akabane was messing with him, but turns out he’s just late.

Akabane raises his hand in a wave, walks right up to him…

...and then swings his arm around Gakushuu’s shoulder.

Gakushuu recoils so hard he nearly falls over. In the next moment Akabane is holding him upright again, grip steady on his arm. “Dude.”

“Give me a warning,” Gakushuu complains.

In his mind, Nanako hisses. Her reflex would have been to punch Akabane in the face - luckily Gakushuu decided to take the lead. That wouldn’t have gone well.

Or maybe it would have, considering it’s Akabane?

“...Sure,” Akabane says, nose wrinkling. He drops his arm. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“Wcdonalds.”

“...I don’t eat fast food.”

Akabane stops, and stares at him, one eyebrow raised.

Gakushuu fidgets. “I thought we were just going to talk. If I’m eating out, I need to tell my father.”

Akabane blinks slowly at him. “Tell him.”

His father’s reply is another short “okay”. If he’s finding it out of character for Gakushuu to be going out for dinner so often in such a short period of time (considering he knows very well that Gakushuu doesn’t actually have friends), he hasn’t said anything yet.

Akabane drags him to a mall, and sits him down in the first available table by the entrance. “I assume you’ve never eaten here?”

Gakushuu shakes his head.

Akabane rolls his eyes. “Fine. I’ll get you what I usually eat.”

“What the hell is his deal?” Nanako sniffs.

“I bet he’s going to ask you about 3-E,” Katsuya says. “There’s something fishy going on with that class. Yukio, are you listening?”

“I’ll memorize everything,” Yukio agrees lazily.

“Remember, Gakushuu,” Katsuya says, “don’t say anything incriminating. No Sonokawa, no closet, nothing that can be used against you.”

“Yep, I got it.”

“-who’dya talking to?”

Gakushuu jumps. “Wh- Akabane!” Gakushuu claps a hand over his mouth.

Akabane looks amused. He sets a tray down between them. “You do that a lot, you know. You think out loud.”

“I’ve heard,” Gakushuu says, embarrassed. It’s more of a bane than a boon, really. He needs to speak to think and think to speak, because most of his speaking is in his head but his thinking is also in his head and mixing them up happens far too often..

Akabane sets a tray in front of him. “Ever had a burger before, your highness?”

“Of course,” Gakushuu says. “Did you get utensils?”

Akabane stares at him.

They eat in silence for a while, and finally Akabane says, “I’m sure you know why I called you here.”

Gakushuu says, “enlighten me.”

Akabane grins at him, all teeth. “We’re both curious about 3-E.”

“It’s a bit of a one sided arrangement for me,” Gakushuu muses, “if you were just here hoping to pick my brain.”

Katsuya pumps her fist.

Akabane hums. “A game, then,” he says. “We’ll take turns to ask a question, and then answer it as truthfully as possible. Of course we have to hold it up to our personal integrities to answer each question.”

“When will the game end?”

“When one of us doesn’t want to answer the question, of course,” Akabane says. “How does that sound?”

“Sounds good,” Katsuya says, eyes narrowed, mental notepad already out. Yukio is wide awake, forced to pay attention.

“Sounds good,” Gakushuu echoes.

Akabane rests a hand on his cheek - forcefully casual, but his shoulder line is tense. “Why don’t you start, Asano?”

“Alright,” Gakushuu says. Katsuya is practically vibrating with excitement, and she’s already rattling off questions a little incomprehensibly, but- “How was your day?”

Akabane blinks, like he’s surprised. “Wh- I, it was... okay.”

Gakushuu waits for a beat, eyebrow raised.

“Ugh, fine, it sucked,” Akabane sighs. “ Truthfully speaking, it was worse than the day I got suspended. I would rather have gotten suspended again, ugh.”

Gakushuu softens. “What happened?”

“Well, I- hey! Wait your turn!”

Gakushuu laughs. Akabane glares at him, but the corner of his lips quirk up. “Ugh, whatever . How was yours?”

“It was fine,” Gakushuu says, shrugging. “Nothing much happened. I had a council meeting after school, and when I was about to go home, some weird guy texted me and asked me to meet him outside school.”

“Oi, asshole,” Akabane says, and Gakushuu is abruptly reminded of their early friendship (were they friends?) back in First year. 

In the backseat, Nanako is quietly attentive as well, as Katsuya continues to spin.

Gakushuu asks, “what happened today?”

“Oh, I…” Akabane falters, thinking, and then says, “the classroom sucks. It’s old and drafty and hot, and the whole area is structurally unsound and unsafe. I almost brained myself falling off a cliff, you know.”

“Really?” Gakushuu frowns. “I’m sorry. Are you alright?”

“It’s fine,” Akabane waves a hand. 

“Maybe I should ask my father to install a fence.”

Akabane lets out a bark of laughter. “A fence is the least of your worries with that classroom. Tell me about Kayano Kaede.”

Gakushuu blinks. “Kayano?”

“Yeah,” Akabane says, and his eyes sharpen, surveying Gakushuu. “You’re childhood friends with her, right? That’s what everyone’s been saying.”

Gakushuu narrows his eyes. Kayano is a girl on a mission and evidently capable ot taking care of herself, and yet he feels a surge of protectiveness over her - she’s his friend, after all, and Karma is a vicious interrogator when he wants to be. “Why do you want to know?”

“Is there anything wrong with wanting to learn a little bit more about my classmates?”

They stare at each other for a few long, tense seconds.

“Just answer the question,” Katsuya prods him. “It’s all a lie, anyhow, and you don’t want to be accused of hiding something about Kayano lest he actually goes digging.”

Gakushuu sighs. “We were in the same elementary school - the first one,” he says, using her fabricated backstory for them. “You know I transferred out early, and she transferred around that same period too, so we’ve known each other for about… two years?”

Akabane is still frowning at him, and he looks unsatisfied. What else can Gakushuu say? If he made something up about Kayano, he had to tell her so she could keep their story straight, unless he said something generic and believable. Luckily, Gakushuu didn’t have many friends from that time period (except for Ren and Tsubara) because most of his classmates bullied him and they were no longer around, so they couldn’t contradict his stories- oh!

“She was one of the only people who… well, I’m sure you’ve heard stories about me,” Gakushuu says, and he puts on what Yukio lovingly dubs his pathetic face. “She was one of the only people that didn’t make fun of me for how weird or stupid I am.”

Akabane looks uncomfortable now, and less accusing. He rubs the back of his head. “Ah. Yeah.”

Gakushuu frowns at him. “Don’t go bothering her, okay? She’s a good girl.”

Akabane blinks, and then he’s back to normal. “Aw, what do you take me for, Asano? Some kind of delinquent?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so mean,” Akabane complains. “Your turn.”

“Oh,” Gakushuu says. “Um…”

Katsuya says, “ask about Karasuma-Sensei?”

“How’s Karasuma-Sensei?”

“Him?” An odd look filters over Akabane’s face. “Why do you want to know about him?”

“The same reason you’d want to know about Kayano.”

“Oh, fine, fine,” he says. “He’s alright. I’ve been in class for two days. I haven’t really spoken much to him. He’s usually busy in the office filling out all the paperwork-”

“Doesn’t he teach?” Gakushuu says.

Akabane freezes.

They lock eyes.

“Yeah,” Akabane says slowly, “of course he does. I meant after class, obviously. So, Asano, what do you know about Karasuma-Sensei?”

“I only ran into him once in the hallway,” Gakushuu says, as they continue to watch each other. “He was in a hurry, so I didn’t manage to speak much to him. He was in a suit, and he seemed very professional for the most part. Not someone I’d picture in 3-E.”

Katsuya says, “ask about Sonokawa!”

“What?” Yukio is the one who pipes up on Gakushuu’s behalf, and Gakushuu is grateful for it because he doesn’t think he can trust his own tongue now. “I thought you said-”

“Akabane’s not going to give us more information unless we ask for it,” Katsuya says. “But he clearly knows something.”

Gakushuu says, “tell me about Karasuma-Sensei’s colleague.”

Akabane sits up straight. “His colleague?” He repeats slowly.

“Yes,” Gakushuu says, watching him. “Tell me about her.”

Akabane pauses for a long while, thinking, eyes never leaving Gakushuu’s. Finally he says, “Sonokawa, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She met me before my suspension ended. She told me that Karasuma-Sensei will be taking over 3-E. It was a purely professional interaction, and I didn’t get much out of her.”

“What?” Gakushuu’s brows furrow. “Why would she do that?”

“Beats me,” Akabane shrugs. “I assumed she was a new member of the school staff. A counsellor, or something, to check up on the wellbeing of students.”

“As if Gakuhou cares about the wellbeing of students,” Nanako says.

Akabane bursts into laughter.

“We should hang out more often, Asano,” Akabane says, as they’re walking back out on the street. Akabane was the one who ended the game, saying he didn’t have anything else to ask Gakushuu about - and Katsuya grumbled, but sourly admitted she needed to think before she had anything to question him about as well.

“You have to tell me earlier if we’re going to get a meal,” Gakushuu says. “My father must be getting annoyed that I’m cancelling dinner at such late notice so often.”

“Oh?” Akabane looks amused. “Who else are you going out with?”

“I had dinner with Kayano a while ago,” Gakushuu says.

“Only?” Akabane says. “I thought you’d be Mr Popular.”

Gakushuu shoots him a look. He’s a little more relaxed around Akabane, because Akabane had seen through him all the way in first year (even if he jumped to conclusions that were horribly wrong, but who would possibly guess that Gakushuu had dissociative identity disorder?) “You know I have no friends, Akabane.”

Akabane laughs. “Sure you do.” Then, “you’re friends with Nagisa, right?”

“I’d like to think we are,” Gakushuu says… and then something comes to mind. “ You’re friends with Nagisa.”

Akabane grins at him, but there's an odd look in his eyes. “I’d like to think I am.”

Chapter Text

Gakushuu spies Tsubara from across the hall - he waves. He waves back.

"Hey, Tsubara," Gakushuu greets.

"Hey," Tsubara says. He looks left, right and left again to make sure they're alone, says, "Gakushuu." He winks.

Gakushuu laughs. "How did you know?"

"Katsuya never smiles," Tsubara points out. "Yukio will nod instead of waving. Nanako calls me Bestie."

"You're an expert in differentiating us now, huh," Gakushuu teases.

"Ah, I wouldn't call it that," Tsubara says sheepishly. "Sakakibrara can tell who's who without you guys ever speaking. It's amazing."

"Ah, well, he's technically known the other three for as long as they've existed." Gakushuu says. They start walking together. "Is it weird?"

"Hm? A little, I guess," Tsubara admits. "It's like… getting to know you all over again. All four of you. Last time I would just have imagined you were maybe in a bad mood or sleepy or something if you didn't seem the same way - now I'm wondering if it was probably one of the alters. Not saying that you yourself aren't allowed to be in a bad mood! Just…" 

He shrugs. "Sakakibara says it helps to imagine that you are all quadruplets. You all look the same on the outside but are all fundamentally different people." 

"Huh," Gakushuu says. 

"Now I'm rethinking all our interactions as one of a group of quadruplets speaking to me, but I just have no idea which one of them I was interacting with," Tsubara snickers.

And then a new teacher comes to 3-E.

She's tall. She's blonde. She's very pretty. She has big- ah. 

She was caught on camera flirting with some weird man two streets from the Kunugigaoka school gates, and her headshot promptly appeared on the school's website later that afternoon.

Katsuya puts her (metaphorical) glasses on.

Gakushuu goes hunting.

He texts his… friends? Allies? Information brokers? And then does his methodological stakeouts near the staff room and the Principal's office, but just like before, the 3-E teachers don't venture down to Main Campus and Gakushuu does not catch a glimpse of Jelavic-Sensei.

Gakushuu's classmates are moderately more interested in Jelavic-Sensei than they were Karasuma-Sensei, which makes sense because she is a very pretty young woman. He doesn't have any answers for them, though, and after a while they stop prodding. 

Nothing much else really comes of it - he has to split his time with the student council and his own homework to handle. They’re already starting preliminary planning and brainstorming for events later in the school year, like the school festival, because booking out venues and securing sponsors would take quite a while to settle.

The school trip to Kyoto is coming up too. That’s not under the jurisdiction of the student council, but he has to field questions from his schoolmates anyways. It’s not going to be for another two weeks, but the teachers are nagging them to make sure all their assignments are complete and submitted before the break.

Even his father is starting to fuss over him in his own odd little (overbearing) way. Granted, it’s going to be the longest period of time Gakushuu’s going to be apart from him, but it’s just a city away. Furthermore, it’s his own school trip, if Gakuhou’s worried then he should clear it up with his own employees!

Or perhaps not. If Gakuhou gave extra instructions to “make sure (his) son was safe and sound”, Gakushuu may not survive the mortification.  

(There were plenty of opportunities for Gakushuu to go on overseas school exchange trips or competition camps back in his previous years, but he had to decline them all for... obvious reasons. Reasons being, of course, his oh-so-fragile mental state that Gakuhou was deathly afraid that Gakushuu might have a panic attack on a plane ride or get lost in a park hundreds of miles away from home. The longest trip Gakuhou had let him go on was an overnight camp in his second year of middle school. In fairness, Gakushuu doesn’t think he was mentally stable enough to be dragged into a school trip with his classmates who hated him in elementary school, but he’s all grown up now!)

“I’m not bringing my weighted blanket on a school trip!” Gakushuu does not whine , but it’s coming close. Nanako and Katsuya have abandoned all pretenses and are outwardly laughing at him. At least Yukio has the decency to hide his stupid grin behind his hand.

Gakuhou looks down at his packing list. (Why are thinking about packing? The trip is two weeks away!) "You told me once that you couldn't sleep about it."

“I was eight! I’m going to get laughed at.”

Gakuhou’s eyes snap up from his tablet. “Are people still picking on you?” He demands.

“No,” Gakushuu says.

Gakuhou scowls at him.

“They will if I bring a weighted blanket!”

3-E have apparently been busy too, because their schedules don't coincide until almost a week later when Kayano agrees to meet up with him… the same time that Akabane does. 

This is awkward.

Gakushuu: Akabane also asked to meet up with me?

Kayano: Excuse me??

Kayano: Um, who is more important

Kayano: that redhead delinquent or your childhood best friend, me?!?! >:(

Gakushuu: Hey, sorry, I already agreed to meet up with Kayano today. Maybe next time?

Akabane: this is a profound betrayal

“Since when are you friends with Akabane?” Kayano says, linking arms with him as she drags him along.

“We were friendly in our first year,” Gakushuu says. “Where are we going?”

“A desert shop,” she says firmly. “We are going to get pudding.”

“Oh!” Nanako says. “I want pudding.”

“Good, so do I.” 

Kayano herds them into a small dessert shop and orders… three different types of pudding for herself, and then makes Gakushuu pay for hers. ("That's exactly what I would make my rich childhood best friend do for me.") 

Gakushuu buys himself a pudding as well, and they retreat to an open booth at the side of the store. Kayano immediately starts digging in - she must be hungry. Gakushuu takes a spoonful of his. Hm. it's good.

“So,” Kayano says, when she’s halfway through her first plate and appeased enough to start speaking. “You want to hear about Irina Jelavic, right?”

“Straight to the point, huh,” Katsuya says, sounding impressed. 

“Yeah,” Gakushuu says to her. "Sorry. I'm not just here to ask you questions."

“Aw, don’t look like that,” Kayano laughs. “If I were you, I’d want to interrogate me as soon as possible too.” She takes another bite of her pudding. “This is good. Maybe I’ll get another one to takeaway.”

“...You really love pudding.”

“Of course! What isn’t there to love?” She jabs the spoon in his direction. “You better remember that! This is the kind of information I’d expect my childhood best friend to know.”

“Yeah, of course,” Gakushuu says.

“Hm,” she says, tapping her chin. “That's information I would know about you as well. What desert do you like?”

“Oh, oh, oh!” Nanako says. “Chocolate cake! Ice cream! Macarons! No, no, cheesecake! Apple pie!”

Gakushuu says, “chocolate cake.”

“Ah, a classic choice,” Kayano nods. And in two more bites, her first plate of pudding is gone. She starts working away on her second one with the same amount of gusto. Gakushuu’s impressed.

“Anyways,” Kayano says. “Irina Jelavic. She’s our new language teacher. I’m sure you’ve noticed her surname is Croatian, but I’m not sure if she’s from there or… around. I didn’t ask. She teaches us English. The only thing odd about her is that she’s honestly a little too young to be a teacher, as I’m sure you've also noticed… but I think she said something about working another job, so this might just be a part-time stint for her.”

Ah. that makes sense. Teaching only one subject for just one class of students in a school is probably not enough to pay the bills, and would leave her with a lot of free time on her hands.

“But why Kunugigaoka?” Gakushuu wonders aloud.

Kayano blinks, then hums. ”Who knows? Maybe she likes the view.”

Abruptly, Gakushuu's classmates' words, days and days of them gossiping that he's tried to tune out, pop right back into his head. He bursts into flames.

Kayano squints at him. "What-"

“He-ey, fancy running into you two here- oh, am I interrupting something?”

“Karma?” Kayano splutters. “What are you doing here?”

Akabane ignores her. “Asano, you look like a tomato. Is Kayano corrupting you?”

“Hey, who’s corrupting who?”

“I wasn’t- I was thinking about-”

“Don’t ignore me, both of you!”

“Boobs!” Gakushuu blurts.  

Kayano and Karma stare at him.

Gakushuu lets his head thunk on the table in defeat.

Yukio yelps.

Nanako says, "oh my god."

Katsuya says, very dryly, “wow.”

Gakushuu takes a deep breath to steel himself and looks up again. Now Kayano’s face is coloredred as well, and Karma is still gaping at him.

“I… we were talking about… Jelavic-Sensei,” Gakushuu says. “Um. Everyone in my class. Has been talking about. Um. Her. And when Kayano said the words 'nice view' - Completely unrelated! Nice view, as in, from the, uh, 3-E mountain. Nature. Nice view. But I was... uh... reminded of-”

“Oh my god,” Kayano squeals.

“Hey, I wasn’t the one making those comments!” Gakushuu has to defend himself. “It was everyone else! I would never talk about a girl like that!”

Akabane raises an eyebrow at him. “Ever?”

“Yeah! I’m not that kind of person!”

Kayano opens her mouth to say something, pauses, and then stares at him. "...Ever?"

"Yeah?" Gakushuu frowns at the both of them. "I'm not a- oh, oh! W-wait! I’m not saying I don’t like girls. I have had experience..."

Kayano's eyes widen. "...Experience?"

"N-no! I meant! Um, um... experience... with… um… liking… girls…”

(If you could count his experience as Nanako’s crush on any single girl that played a sport, that is.)

“Gakushuu,” Katsuya says, with all the sweetness and adoring-ness of the holder of the single braincell in the group of four, “shut up.”

“Yep,” Gakushuu agrees, “I’m going to shut up now.”

And then Gakushuu is greeted with two amazing things - the twin sights of Kayano Kaede and Karma Akabane both bursting into side-splitting laughter.

“W-what the fuck was that, Asano!” Akabane cackles.

“Oh my god!” Kayano giggles, wiping a tear from the side of her eye.

Akabane slides into the seat next to Gakushuu, bumping shoulders with him. “You are just too cute!”

Gakushuu hears that often from the alters, but hearing it from someone else in real life just sends a wave of embarrassment over him. He covers his face with his hands.

“Experience with liking girls!” Kayano kicks him under the table. “I thought you were going to tell me you kissed someone, you absolute walnut! What the hell was that?!”

Gakushuu burns in absolute mortification. This is it - there’s no going back from this. There’s nothing else that could possibly be more lethal. Maybe he’ll bring the weighted blanket after all.

“Hey, that’s mine, asshole!”

Gakushuu peeks through his hands to see Akabane taking a forkful of Kayano’s third plate of pudding.

Gakushuu goes to sleep that night to Nanako and Yukio passionately re-enacting The Scene.

“I have had,” Nanako gushes, “experience! Liking girls!” 

She swoons right into Yukio’s arms.

Katsuya gives them a standing ovation.

Gakushuu screams. “Shut up! Shut up!”

Chapter Text

Gakushuu is a bundle of nerves on the day of his school trip to their neighbouring town of Kyoto. 

He feels a little silly for being so anxious, because Kyoto is at best three hours away by bullet train - two, if he bumps up the price a little bit on the tickets (apparently not even Kunugigaoka, for how endless their funds seemed, was going to fork out that amount of money times 40 students in 5 classes for an hour less of travel time.)

Ren gave him a packing list which Gakushuu followed to a tee, and Katsuya had successfully convinced them to not bring the weighted blanket.

“It’s an extra five kilograms,” she had said, “I’m not going to be lugging that around!”

“You’re not even the one carrying it,” Nanako had retorted, although it was not like they could control when and where they switched, and in such an unknown environment with potential triggers, it was a coin toss (a four sided coin?) as to whoever ended up fronting.

It could be Gakushuu all the way, or maybe it would be Yukio hiding behind Ren, or Nanako touching everything she shouldn’t be touching. Or maybe it would be Katsuya, who would have to silently suffer through lugging their bag around, which she vehemently protests against.

“It’s embarrassing,” Katsuya points out. 

Yukio said, “it’s just a blanket.” (Yukio likes falling asleep with it as well.)

“It’s like an eight year old who needs a soft toy,” Katsuya insists. “It’s childish.”

Nanako says, “but Gakushuu is our baby.”

“There’s a difference between boyishly cute sometimes, and being a toddler.”

Gakushuu sighs. “Let’s not bring the blanket.”

Nanako kicks Katsuya under the table, and receives a glare in return.

“You’re going to have to sleep without it eventually,” Katsuya says. “Especially if you go on a longer and further trip. You might as well practice now.”

“I slept fine with it before I got it,” Gakushuu reasons.

“No, you didn’t,” Yukio reminds him softly. (He was there, for that most part.)

Katsuya frowns at the both of them, and pats Gakushuu’s hand. “The hotel will have very nice blankets.”

“If you run away and get lost,” his father says affectionately to him as he saw Gakushuu out the door, “I will hunt you down to all four corners of the earth, drag you back home, and zip-tie a house arrest ankle bracelet to you.”

Gakushuu sniffs. There are no corners of the earth. “The earth is round.”

“Get lost, brat.”

It’s the first time that Gakushuu’s leaving home for so long. 

His classmates are largely unconcerned, themselves the children of busy millionaire parents who have been shuttled back and forth on business class flights ever since they were six. They chatter their way onto the shuttle train cabin as if this sort of travel is routine (it likely is). Gakushuu lets himself get swept by the momentum of the crowd and gets sufficiently distracted from his anxieties by his classmates bouncing him around like a party favor. ("Asano, can you help me lift my suitcase?" "Asano, do you know where the bathroom is?" "Asano, have you seen my phone?")

It’s a chatter of activity as people fight for the best seats. Gakushuu himself likes the window seat whenever they’re on a train, leaning away from his father (who would be clack-clack-clacking away at his work laptop). 

Ren fishes him out of the wave of people, one hand around his wrist, and quickly shutters him to a booth near the back of the cabin. 

The buzz and commotion from the earlier part of the day has died into a sleepy calm as they start moving - some of his classmates are asleep, snoring to the rumble of the train. They had an early start - it’s just eight in the morning. Everyone seems content entertaining themselves, either on their phones or broken off into groups of four with a card game between them.
Ren sits next to him, thumbing through his kindle. 

Gakushuu snaps some very blurry pictures of trees as the train rumbles along.

The others aren’t awake, which gives Gakushuu a rare breath of silence. It’s weird, having people living in your head - he loves them, and he cannot imagine life without them now, but it’s still… strange. 

Sometimes he thinks of them as permanent roommates in his head, sometimes he regards them as an extension of himself. He’s not exactly sure which version he prefers, and they’re both attached with their own sets of connotations… and he doesn’t know what the other alters consider themselves as, either. 

As far as Gakushuu is concerned, they’re all equally important in keeping him - “Gakushuu” as a whole system, alive. Still, he knows very well that the other three still defer to him as the veto, which is quite honestly rather terrifying, because he feels like he knows nothing at all. 

When Yukio is introspecting, he often wonders outloud a what-if they were normal. Nanako still calls him, occasionally, the “original”. Katsuya slips up, sometimes when she’s not quite paying attention to herself, and says “your body” instead of “ours”. It reminds Gakushuu that maybe none of them have quite fit the puzzle pieces correctly together yet. 

Sometimes (when he’s very sure that none of them are awake to hear him,) he thinks of as… what it actually is.

Dissociative Identity Disorder. A mental illness . A diagnosis, a list of symptoms written and defined in a journal article. A set of delusions, a chemical imbalance, a series of unfortunate events… a sign that he’s not normal and he never will be.

And then he feels guilty afterwards for thinking like that. 

He considers himself one of the lucky ones. Being able to share such a seamless and cordial relationship with his alters is more than most people would get. And they’re family now, who have stayed with Gakushuu through thick and thin. How could he ever give them up?

It’s not a very long train ride, and after that it’s a short walk to their hotel to check in. They’re groups in rooms of four, which means Gakushuu is lumped in together with Ren, Araki and Saito. They have an hour to relax before their class heads to an art museum, so Saito pulls out a deck of UNO cards. 

Nanako switches in halfway through the UNO game.

Switching is like this: a brief out-of-body experience before you recalibrate and settle into yourself. It’s not something that can be controlled and it happens at the oddest of times, unless there’s a deliberate trigger (like getting shoved in a closet, punched in the face, or meeting Gakuhou) which may stress them out enough to induce one (it’s still not a guarantee). This is the kind of thing that no one is sure how it works or how to describe.

Nanako blinks, briefly disoriented, and then very quickly catalogues her situation. Ah, they’re playing UNO.

Another brief check tells her that none of them are awake, but she guesses it must have been either Gakushuu or Yukio before her, because Katsuya would have fought tooth and nail to not participate in a social bonding activity.

“Hey, Asano, your turn.” Araki prompts.

“Oh.” Nanako glances at the cards in her hand and the discard pile in the centre, brows furrowed. Next to her, Ren gives her a curious glance.

“Here,” she says, and drops a card.

“Hm,” Araki says, musing over his own deck.

Ren nudges her. “Hey.”

Nanako grins at him. “Hi.”

Beat one, beat two. Ren’s eyes light up with recognition. “Oh, N.”

Beat three. “Reverse,” Araki says.

“Oh, snap,” Nanako says. “Uh, um,” she throws down a card.

“Man,” Saito says, “UNO takes forever.”

Nanako asks, “how long have we been playing?”

“For like half an hour,” Saito answers. “Or similar. I don’t know.” He looks down at his watch. “Oh, 40 minutes.”

“...man.”

“Well, it’s almost time to meet the rest of the class,” Araki says. “Shall we continue this later?”

“Oh!” Nanako says. “We should combine two decks and get a larger group to play.”

“That’s insane,” Araki says.

“That’s a great idea,” Saito gives her a hi-five. “I know Mika brought a second deck and hers has a different design, so we can split them up later.”

“That’d be chaotic,” Ren says, giving Nanako a flat look.

Nanako winks at him.

Their first pit stop is an art museum, which their teacher describes as an eclectic and thought-provoking collection of pieces sure to inspire creativity, or something. Art is a minor elective in the Kunugigaoka curriculum, that she’s sure is added so that their website can proudly highlight the words “well-rounded” on their academic descriptions.

“An art museum? Man,” Nanako hides a yawn behind her hand. “I wish Yukio was awake. He’d get a kick out of this.” Places where you have to stand still, keep quiet and silently observe something static like museums, libraries and the Principal’s office generally don’t hold much interest for her.

“Oh,” Ren says, sounding far too dejected. “Isn’t he?”

Nanako sticks her tongue out at him. “You don’t have to look so disappointed.”

“I’m not!” Ren defends, face reddening. “I like spending time with all of you.”

“Uh huh,” Nanako says, rolling her eyes. 

It’s adorable, honestly, the weird push-pull thing that Yukio and Ren have going on. It’s surprising to remember that Ren, Yukio and Gakushuu have known each other for pretty much the same length of time, since they were in first grade of elementary school. Nanako herself missed just a little over a year, and Katsuya came in almost one year later… although the timeline isn’t too specific on those, because it’s less of a switch turning on and more of the slow haunting realization that something’s been misplaced in their heads.

Ah, she’s usually not this introspective. But she’s usually not in an art museum, and she’s usually not alone in her head.

Gakushuu’s the one who fronts, after all - he’s the dominant personality. They’ve tried taking a stopwatch to it once, when Katsuya wanted to “optimize” their strategies, and record keeping was… well, it wasn’t the best, and any measurements were jumbled up with errors of up to several hours, but when you’re four people in a trench coat juggling one single stopwatch… 

She concluded that Gakushuu was awake most of the time, and it can be generally assumed that if he wasn’t in front, he would be in the backseat, something like background music in the back of your head. So this lapse of empty air was a little odd. 

Katsuya was second in running for most seconds spent conscious, particularly when they were at school, and she meticulously catalogued every interaction they had with their friends (and enemies) for her scheming purposes.

Nanako herself and Yukio drifted in and out with no set parameters, although Yukio tended to be more active at home and Nanako was so in school. Katsuya had theorized it was because of their general temperaments, which made sense, but not that Nanako knew much about what things made sense.

...man. This is what too much quiet does to a person. Now she’s thinking thoughts .

Ren, on the other hand, is oddly captivated by a painting and he’s snapping a picture of the... caption? Is that what they called those little plaques at the bottom of each painting? Blurb? No, that was for books.

Yukio would be having way more fun than her in this place, on a cute little art museum trip-date with Ren.

Hah! She and Katsuya have a betting pool going on. Katsuya thinks Ren will have to make the first move and ask Yukio out, but Nanako knows that Ren will be too nervous to navigate the whole whatever-this-situation-is of trying to date one alter in a system of four, and it’s Yukio who will have to take the initiative. 

Was there some unwritten social rule about dating your brother’s best friends? Or dating your best friend’s brother? What if two of those parties were in the same body?

That was too much math for Nanako to handle. Algebra. Yukio is better at algebra than she is. 

Damn it. Paintings have got Nanako thinking about math. She was never coming to an art museum ever again.

“Hey, N- Asano, look at this.”

Ren calls her over to a lumpy pot behind a glass display case. 

“That’s ugly,” Nanako says.

Ren laughs. “It has character, that’s for sure. It reminds me of-”

“-that flowerpot that G- we had to make in art class in fourth grade?”

“Yes, that’s the one!” Ren snaps his fingers. Nanako squints at the pot. 

Gakuhou had it on the desk of his home office. You could fill perhaps an inch of water before it spilled out of the absurdly low spout, but it couldn’t hold a plant because of angles or physics or something like that. Gakushuu had given it to Gakuhou after their class that day, Gakuhou had said, “that’s hideous” which made Gakushuu burst into tears, and the pot would hold down Gakuhou’s paperwork ever since.

Nanako takes a picture of it. “I’m going to tell Gakushuu that his work is museum worthy.”

Ren says, affectionately, “Gakushuu can’t do art for shit .”

(The stickman that Gakushuu has drawn of Yukio for Ren is still wedged in Ren’s school folder.)

The only two of them who Nanako would consider have any sort of artistic talent are Yukio, who likes to sketch, and Katsuya, who can play the violin. Nanako is… well if they had to split them up by a stereotype in one of those personality-type quizzes, Nanako supposes she would be considered the sporty one, although Gakushuu himself quite likes to run around. 

In all the animes that Yukio watches, Nanako could fit them into their little boxes. The main character, the helplessly charming and empathetic love interest. Slightly aloof, quiet and contemplative. The wide-eyed cheery one who never seems to be able to sit still. The bad boy (girl?) who acts like they’re too cool for anything and is a secret softie inside.

Like they had their own little niches! It was funny to think about at first, and then it was odd, and then it made Nanako wonder about who each of them were and why they were here.

“Come on,” Ren says, “I saw another exhibition I want to see.”

Two gallery sections later, they run into Yuna and Yuu, the former of whom is excited to recreate the statue poses with Nanako, and proceed to run around the museum together. Ren and Yuu, both armed with their camera phones, share a long-suffering look.

“I really want this little bowl.”

“Then get it,” Ren says.

Nanako frowns. “Katsuya is going to be mad at me for wasting money.”

“Come on,” Ren rolls his eyes. “It’s a bowl.” He leans over her shoulder and catches a glimpse at the price tag. “Hm, yeah, okay, I see what she means.”

“Thanks.”

“Museum gift shops are so overpriced,” Ren grumbles.

“It’s such a pretty bowl, though,” Nanako sighs. “I could put cereal in here. Or soup.”

Ren picks up a keychain and squints at it in the light. “How does that work, anyways? Your finances?”

“What do you mean?”

“How do you guys split your allowance?”

“I don’t know,” Nanako shrugs. “It’s all our money, we just share it.”

“What, you guys don’t have a budget for who gets to spend how much?”

“...Not really, I guess.” Nanako turns the bowl in her hands. “I mean, we all share everything we buy.”

“Doesn’t it get tiring? Being in each others’ spaces all the time?”

“W- well, no, of course we share everything, I- wh- what is that supposed to mean?”

“Sorry,” Ren says quickly. “I didn’t mean anything bad by it.”

Nanako tries not to glare at him. “Then what did you mean?”

“Well, you know,” he shrugs weakly. “Don’t you guys get privacy from each other?”

“...I mean, we can’t actually read each other’s minds. Our thoughts are still our own.” Nanako says. 

“Yeah, I know, I just…” Ren shrugs again. “Sometimes I picture the four of you as different people living in the same one bedroom. Seems it might get a little exhausting, even if you’re used to it.”

Nanako… thinks. Was it exhausting like that? She didn’t know. It wasn’t quite the same concept as four people in one bedroom, because they weren’t always all there at the same time… and for as long as she’s been around, that’s just how it has been for her. If they each at their own space… well, if she had her own room, she’d probably get lonely. She won’t even know what to put it in.

...She’d probably put this bowl.

“I hate you,” she says to Ren, with feeling. “Go have this stupid talk with one of the others when they’re awake. Stop making me think.”

Ren laughs after her. “Come on, ‘Ko. Help me pick a keychain.”

Katsuya wakes up in the middle of a busy street.

And then almost immediately gets bowled over by someone crashing into her from behind.

“Hey! Watch it!”

“S-sorry, Asano!” The terrified student - oh, one of her classmates, Tenshi. He’s no one of too big of an importance that Katsuya is immediately put on high alert for crossing path with, and - oh. He’s run off.

“He-ey.” Oh, it’s Ren.

He swings an arm around her. “You scared him, ‘Ya.” Ren steers her away from the class to join the back of the queue instead. In front of her, Tenshi creeps further away, still looking startled.

“Whatever.” Gakushuu will eventually switch, take over, smile at Tenshi, and win his heart back. It’s no spilled water to cry over.

Ren huffs. “Our next agenda is walking back to the hotel. We’re having dinner.”

“Hm.” There’s a shopping bag in her hand. “What is this?”

Ren says, “ah.”

Katsuya rifles through it, pulls out its one lone item, and sighs. “God dammit, Nanako.” Only she would buy such an odd, lumpy, cutesy-looking useless bowl.

“Got it right in one,” Ren says. 

“Of course I did.”

“She’s going to want to keep it on the desk,” Katsuya sighs. “We don’t have space on the desk.”

“You know,” Ren says, “me and Nanako were having a similar conversation about that.”

“About what?”

“Space.” Ren says. Pauses. “About each of you having your own spaces, that is.”

“Elaborate.”

“She knew you’d be mad for her buying the bowl,” Ren starts. “I asked if you guys had separate budgets, and she said no. And she said that you all shared everything. Which made sense, I’m not saying it doesn’t, but it got me wondering, isn’t that a little claustrophobic for you all?”

“No,” Katsuya says, almost immediately. “It just is.”

But Ren doesn’t say anything more - just smiles at her briefly, and then goes back to strolling silently, all while Katsuya’s own mind starts and works. 

She wonders what Nanako’s input to the conversation would have been - no doubt something far too altruistic than it needed to be, like how they were family and they were so intertwined together she couldn’t imagine it any other way. That’s the sort of sentiment she’d always expressed, smiling at Katsuya like she’s forgotten there was a time that Katsuya could have killed them. 

And that time, was a time where Katsuya wouldn’t have hesitated to say she would have rather been alone. 

Especially in the beginning - when she was just understanding her bearings in the world, and Gakushuu kept trying to invade her space and her life. All he did was mess up the persona she was carefully trying to construct in front of Gakuhou. It would have been perfect if he wasn’t there, was what she thought at the time. 

She, Yukio and Nanako were “born” already sharing their consciousness in a space, and neither of them were ever fully their own person in the physical neurotypical sense. It is true that Katsuya couldn’t conceive of an existence other than this, and in the coming years she’s (begrudgingly) started to think of them as her family.

Did she want to be alone, now? Perhaps she still privately entertains the thought sometimes - what if they were four separate people? Siblings, perhaps, or classmates. Their dynamic would be wildly different, their interactions even more so. She would likely have been one of those people who bullied Gakushuu into running away. Or maybe he would have won her over again, with his earnestness, and she would have had no choice but to adopt him.

She keeps these flighty imaginations to herself. They’re not practical to have, nor grounded in any true purpose, so there’s no use dwelling on any of them. What matters is the here and now - and the here and now is the fact that they’re all alters in the same system.

Being together is simply a fact of life that cannot be altered, so why be bothered about things like space?  

“We can’t get claustrophobic. We share a metaphysical space. It can be literally anything we want it to be.”

Ren blinks at her. “What is it?”

“What is, what ?”

“You know. What you said. The space.”

Katsuya looks at him longsufferingly. “I don’t mean a literal space, idiot. We just share the same headspace.”

“So when you guys talk,” Ren says. “What do you… see? Or hear? You all have different appearances, right, so how does that work? Like, a couple of voices just floating in a dark void, or…”

Katsuya huffs. “The experience is just like if you were thinking to yourself, but you hear the other alter’s voice. If you’re referring to the physical manifestations of ourselves, then it’s just like if you were dreaming, or thinking of a scene with characters.”

“Oh!” Ren says. “So do you guys like, hang out? Where?”

“Something like that,” Katsuya says. “We are in our bedroom.”

“Where else?”

“That’s it.”

“...You have a mindscape with endless opportunities and all you guys do is stay in the bedroom?”

“Not just the bedroom,” Katsuya rolls her eyes. “We go to the kitchen sometimes.”

“Right,” Ren says. “Let me rephrase. You have a mindscape with endless opportunities and all you guys do is stay in the house?”

“There is no need for a physical setting,” Katsuya sighs. “We could very well be voices in a dark void if so desired. The setting just happens to be our bedroom because we are comfortable with it.”

“Ah,” Ren says, scrunching up his face. “That’s cool, I guess.”

They’re silent as they cross the street, their reflections flitting about in the storefronts. Katsuya carefully re-wraps the bowl back in it’s cover.

Ren walks beside her but looks straight ahead, expression pensive. He’s a lot like Yukio and Nanako, who spends their time with Katsuya trying very hard to forget that she was once the reason Gakushuu almost wanted to die, like they wanted to forgive and forget. It’s a lot harder to forget, when Gakushuu still wakes up with nightmares trembling with the memory of it, tossing away his blanket like it was suffocating him. 

Out of the four of them she believes that only Gakushuu has sincerely and wholeheartedly forgiven her, and has every day since tried to remind her that she was never the one at fault.

Katsuya doesn’t like thinking things are her fault. She blames the Principal for every last bit of it, for being the reason that she - or any of them, really - ever existed. Gakushuu for some unfathomable reason still loves his father, and always talks fondly of the memory of the feelings of Gakuhou when they were younger, which is just stupid , in her opinion, because Gakushuu can’t remember jack about anything from before he was six. 

She doesn’t know if it’s some sort of trauma-related amnesia or just the fact that Gakushuu was too young and hardly anyone remembered the day-by-day from when they were toddlers. Likely the latter, since if Gakuhou was supposed to be the epitome of good parenting then, there wouldn’t be trauma to block out from that early in Gakushuu’s childhood.

It’s a tricky thing, guilt and blame - because Katsuya doesn’t really think she feels guilt. Not in the moral sense that most people seem to describe, at least. She understands enough that she knows Yukio and Nanako and Ren blamed her for… all that . There’s an emotional undercurrent of distress they’ve attached to her name that she knows is hard to get rid off, and Gakushuu - who is the only one willing to ever speak about his experiences back then - tells her that her presences were ever more overwhelming and terrifying than when Yukio’s or Nanako’s ever had been. 

Regret and disappointment are emotions she experiences often, when a plan doesn’t work out right or when a miscalculation in her strategies causes a lapse in her plans. Hurting Gakushuu and the others was a large regret because it caused so many setbacks in their functioning, it made Gakushuu become even more of an outcast which put them back by so much when trying to develop a social network, and…

And, well… because they were family! And you didn’t hurt family, because they were hers!

She would stop at nothing to be the best. Get to the top of the social hierarchy, where everyone answered to her, but… but of course those three idiots had to be there, too! They were just hers now!

(“Yukio was definitely scary,” Gakushuu had said. “Because I never knew what was going on back then. I thought there was another person in my house.” He paused. “I mean, you were just an all round… enigma.”

“What was I like?” Katsuya asked him.

“Well,” Gakushuu said. “Honestly? I think the hardest part was separating you, me and Dad.”

“What?” Katsuya had laughed, because that sounded a little too absurd.

“I can’t speak for Yukio or Nanako,” he shrugged. “I think they were hit harder than me, because they weren’t awake during Dad’s ‘lessons’, but I always was. I mean, I was still terrified of you, but all the times they heard you? I was hearing Dad, and myself in my own voice because - we didn’t understand any of this DID stuff yet, so you guys were all, me. I always heard Dad’s voice and my own voice calling me useless and stupid and crazy.”

Katsuya said, “I’m sorry.”

Gakushuu smiled at her. “Yeah. That’s it.”

“What?”

“I never really heard Katsuya until you said something that neither Dad nor I would ever say to myself.”

“...What did I say?”

“That you didn’t want me to die.”

Katsuya’s eyes widened. “...Gakushuu…”

“I… I’m fine.” He says, And then he lunges at her and buries his head in her shoulder. “I don’t think I’d ever have made it without you.”

“Even after all I did to you?”

“Without you, I think I would have hated myself and Dad even more than I could have handled.”

“And you still don’t hate Gakuhou?”

“...Sometimes I do,” Gakushuu admits, burrowing deeper into her arms. “It’s hard to. I… I love him. I don’t know how to explain it, but I do. And I know he still loves me.”

“It doesn’t matter-”

Gakushuu sobbed, “it matters to me.”

“I know,” Katsuya sighed. “I know.”)

That’s okay, because her role in the quartet was to be the cold-hearted bitch. And she can cold-heartedly bitch-hate Gakuhou enough for all four of them.