Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Knight class group chat.

Cross.K joined the group!

Cross.K: Hello everyone! I have exciting news!

Aidou.H: I swear if this is about the forest fire it had nothing to do with me!

Seiren: He's lying. I watched him drag a large container of gasoline into the forest.

 Ichigo.T: That was you??? And too think I blamed Kiryuu…..

Cross.K: what???? No nevermind I'll deal with that later. Any who may I introduce you to your new classmate!

Cross.k added Kiryuu.Z to the group.

Kiryuu.Z: Take me out of this group now.

Cross.K: Nooooooo son!!! You need to socialize! 

Kiryuu.Z: I will say it again. Get. Me. Out. 

I know where you sleep, old man. 

Ichigo.T: Oh, oh dear- I mean welcome to the night class…….. buddy..

Souen.R: You have got to be joking. He's not even a vampire. I'm sure Kaname-senpai will have something to say about this. @Kuran.K

Kuran.K: Yes Ruka? Oh this. He's a level D vampire, if it's any consolation he won't be anywhere near you. Anyways I'm surprised I didn't get pinged by Aidou.

Ichigo.T: Where is he anyways?

Meanwhile another group…

don't commit any crimes challenge: impossible group chat.

Busa: Why didn't you tell me???? We had a bonding moment and everything!!!!

Bakugou Kinnie: I didn't know????? I literally just woke up to a completely different room and a notification that I had been added to a group chat????

Busa: OBJECTION! YOU DON'T SLEEP!

Bakugou kinnie: YOUR HONOR I DOWNED ABOUT FORTY MELATONIN TABLES. I SHOULD BE DEAD.

Busa: Fine, you're not guilty. For now.

Bakugou kinnie: Damn right I'm not.

……….

Busa: Wait

Busa: You woke up and immediately started threatening someone. Literally woke up and chose violence.

Bakugou kinnie: Shut up or I'll chose semi-awake haze violence

Busa: homophobia.

Bakugou kinnie logged off.

Busa: 

……

Fuck.

Chapter Text

07:00 am
Zero and Yuki messages:

Zero: I'm never sleeping again Yuki, never ever

Zero: also did you know vampires can't overdose?

Yuki: there's so much to unpack here and I kinda don't want to unpack any of it

Zero: wow see if I save you from the forest fire i totally didn't help start next time

Yuki:why did I get an updated class list that just doesn't have your name on it??

Zero: see you would know why if you listened earlier

Yuki: omg are you serious

Yuki: are you escaping to Sweden and committing yourself to prostitution??

Zero: AGAIN WITH THIS I AM NOT MOVING TO SWEDEN AND BECOMING A PROSTITUTE

Zero: I just falsely believed that for once I could sleep for like four hours without being betrayed

Zero: instead I woke up as the newest member of the night class and in a new dorm room

Yuki is typing……

Yuki went offline

Zero: my reaction exactly

07:20 AM
Don't commit any crimes challenge: impossible, group chat

Busa: can we be roomies??

Zero: i genuinely need you to shut up right now okay because people keep looking at me every time my phone buzzes

Zero: I can't believe tackling you has repercussions

Busa: wait what people you don't socialise???

Zero: Toga and Cross, they're arguing about shit and discussing my sleeping arrangements or something

Busa: TELL THEM ABOUT THE ROOMIE PLAN ZERO

Zero: busa they don't know we're friends, they'll immediately assume I'm going to kill you in your sleep

Busa: but all of that's just part of your charm!

Zero: again with this, I am not charming you're delusional

Zero went offline

07:30 am
Night class group chat:

Aidou.H: I can't believe you won't let me room with you @Kiryuu.Z

Aidou.H: That's right I'm publicly shaming you

Kiryuu.Z: I am genuinely not dealing with you right now

Kiryuu.Z went offline

Ichigo.T: Aidou you've finally decided to grace us with your presence! Do you mind if I ask what that display was?

Aidou.H: I do mind thank you so much for asking

Kuran.K: I would also like to know Aidou.

Aidou.H: Oh well of course then dear leader! Me and Kiryuu are friends and speak to each other daily!

Souen.R: What the actual fuck are you on about.

Akatsuki.K: All those hits to the head finally got to him.

Aidou.H: I will have you know that Zero is wonderful company when he's not trying to kill me!

Senri.S: And how did you get him to stop that? He hates vampires.

Aidou.H: He doesn't HATE all vampires or all purebloods for that matter, just y'know most of them

Ichigo.T: Then why is he so hostile towards Kuran?

Kiryuu.Z: Because he has the personality of a fucking dumpster fire

Senri.S: I suppose fighting over Yuki doesn't help matters between them…

Kiryuu.Z: Why the fuck would we fight over her

Aidou.H: oh have I conveniently forgotten to me right that people think you're in love with Yuki

Kiryuu.Z: are you actually serious rn

Ichigo.T: Are you not interested in her?

Kiryuu.Z: I'm in hell, this is actual hell

Kiryuu.Z went offline

08:00 am
Zero and Yuki messages:

Zero: I have news. Bad very bad news, I've been staring at the ceiling for 30 minutes

Zero: I found out that the entirety of the Night class truly believe that me and Kuran are fighting over you

Yuki: WHaT no

Yuki: I just asked a fellow non vamp classmate and she also thinks we're in a love triangle

Yuki: I can't believe this omg

Zero:...let's just move on bc I'm seriously considering forcibly becoming an E level so can't think about this anymore

Yuki:Topic change: I can't believe I'm going to deal with crossover all by myself

Zero: I mean it fits y'know Yuki Cross-cross over

Yuki: I am so thankful we don't share genetics

Yuki: also you've abandoned me to my dad's cooking you fucker

Zero: I can send some of my food over when I make some, I don't trust the cooks not to poison me anyways

Yuki: omg you're godsent zero, wait can vampires get poisoned????

Zero: I know for sure that purebloods can't for reasons I don't want to talk about

Yuki:HAVE YOU TRIED POISONING KANAME????

Zero: I TOLD YOU I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT YUKI

Yuki: IM TELLING TOGA

Zero: WHO TF DO YOU THINK GAVE ME THE POISON, WHAT DO YOU THINK POISON GROWS ON TREES

Yuki: HOW COULD ANYONE THINK YOU LIKE LIKE ME

Zero:WHY WOULD YOU BRING THAT UP I HATE THIS FAMILY

Yuki: TAKE THAT BACK OR IM TELLING DAD ABOUT YOUR STICK AND POKES

Zero: I WISH THAT PUREBLOOD FUCK FINISHED ME OFF

Zero: GO TO CLASS ALREADY SEE YOU NEVER

Yuki: BYEEEEE <333333

Yuki went offline

21:00 pm

Don't commit any crimes challenge: impossible, group chat:

Busa: SO IS THE ROOMIE PLAN A GO OR NOT DUDE PLS BLESS ME WITH SOME GOOD NEWS DURING THIS WONDERFUL VAMPIRE MORNING

Busa: Hellllooooo hello hello

Busa: woo woo dude

Busa: I'm IMMORTAL IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE

Zero: Come to your room

Busa: OMG YESSSS

21:10 pm

Night class group chat:

Akatsuki.K: wtf just happened

Kuran. K: I would also like to know.

Aidou.H went online

Aidou.H: I don't want to talk about it.

Ichigo.T: Oh well if he doesn't want to talk about it we should leave him alone.

Kiryuu.Z went online

Kiryuu.Z: It barely impaled you at all I went through worse injuries when I was 11 and I went on my first solo mission

Aidou.H: THAT'S A MINOR INJURY TO YOU NO WONDER YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO MY GOD

Akatsuki.K: WHATS GOING ON?

Aidou.H: I thought all my prayers were answered and I would finally get the roomie of my dreams, gossiping and nail painting all that.

Aidou.H: And when I pranced my way to my room and opened the door A FUCKING AXE SWUNG DOWN FROM THE CEILING

Kiryuu.Z: I don't know how you expected to gossip with me, I don't exactly pay attention to people

Aidou.H: MY LIFE ALMOST ENDED AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS THE LOGISTICS OF MY ROOMIE DREAM

Kiryuu.Z: Yes

Aidou.H: UNBELIEVABLE

Aidou.H went offline

Souen.R: No one else has a roommate why do you Kiryuu

Kiryuu.Z: I think it's a ploy to make me snap, it's working

Kiryuu.Z went offline

Ichigo.T: So that was interesting

Kuran.K: Indeed

Seiren: I look forward to Zero's continued presence

Ichigo.T: oh god are you confusingly friends with him too???

Seiren: Yes, we bonded over knives and a shared experience of being assassins

Kuran.K: How long has this been going on?

Seiren: Since we first met, we're as Hanabusa says "the original besties".

Souen.R: I can't believe this is happening.

Chapter Text

00:30 ( vampire midday)

Messages between Seiren and Zero

Seiren: I didn't occur to me that our friendship would be so strange .

Zero: It's less strange than me and Hanabusa

Seiren: That is true, we are very similar.

Zero: If my entire family wasn't dead I would not be surprised if it turned out that we're related

Seiren: I feel similarly, we have the same hair and eyes.

Seiren: And we're both homicidal.

Zero: We're not if the cops ask

Seiren: Of course. <3, Ruka taught me that.

Zero: oh my god, I have to speak to Takuma bye

Zero: <3 

Messages between Kiryuu.Z and Ichigo.T 

Kiryuu.Z: What are the night classes rules on piercings? I'd ask in person but you're sitting with Kuran and I hate him

Ichigo.T: We allow all sorts of piercings, so long as they don't interfere with school.

Kiryuu.Z: Huh I would of thought that you were a bit more conservative 

Ichigo.T: Just because we're older doesn't mean our views reflect that.

Kiryuu.Z: I know it's the fact that all of you are fucking stuck up bastards

Ichigo.T: Aren't you friends with Aidou and Seiren? 

Kiryuu.Z: Do you think I'm excluding them?

Ichigo.T: Do… They know you describe them like that?

Kiryuu.Z: Of course they do, why wouldn't they

Ichigo.T: Never mind.

Ichigo.T: What kind of piercings do you have?

Kiryuu.Z: None of your business 

Ichigo.T:Okayyyy.

Kiryuu.Z went offline

Messages between Zero and Busa

Busa: Weelll can you wear all your piercings to class????

Zero: I can

Busa: YESSSS FINALLY HELL YES

Zero: We get it you like my piercings, stop it.

Busa: IF YOU WANTED TO AVOID THIS YOU SHOULD OF NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT ALL OF THEM

Zero: If you think they're so cool get some

Busa: NEEDLES ARE SCARY

Zero: YOU LITERALLY SUCK OUT PPLS BLOOD WITH YOUR VAMPIRE STRAW TEETH

Busa: THATS DIFFERENT 

Zero: YEAH PIERCING NEEDLES ARE SANITARY 

Zero: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH FUCKING BACTERIA IS IN PEOPLES MOUTHS

Busa: SAYS THE GUY WHO FELT BORED AND HAD SOMEONE PUT A HOLE THROUGH HIS NIPPLE

Zero: I WASN'T BORED IT WAS A DARE

Busa: BECAUSE THAT MAKES IT BETTER???

Zero: YES I WASN'T GOING TO PUSSY OUT 

Busa: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

Zero: I'M A LITERAL TICKING TIME BOMB AND YUUKI'S THE ONE WHO DARED ME

Busa: WHAT 

Zero: YEAH SHE SEEMS ALL SWEET AND CUTE FOR KURAN BUT SHE'S AS UNHINGED AS ME

Busa: Nooo not our Yuuki

Zero: Yesterday she tried to convince me to get matching tattoos of two geese, one murder goose and one detective goose

Busa: Geese????

Zero: I fucking hate geese Busa they are evil

Zero: She also got a nipple piercing, opposite sides btw

Zero: Don't tell people though bc I don't want her to get harassed by her classmates

Night class group chat

Aidou.H: YUUKI "FOLLOW THE RULES" CROSS HAS A NIPPLE PIERCING

Kiryuu.Z: WHAT DID I JUST SAY

Aidou.H: I DIDN'T SEE IT SORRY BUT I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE SHE'LL BE HARASSED

Kiryuu.Z: OH BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SO COOL ABOUT GIRLS DOING ANYTHING 

Souen.R: Damn didn't expect to log on and see feminist Kiryuu tonight

Kiryuu.Z: No one fucking spread this

Kiryuu.Z: The piercing thing not feminism, definitely spread that

Kuran.K: What is a nipple piercing?

Seiren: I can explain it to you in pm my lord

Ichigo.T: Why would you know something the Lord doesn't?

Kuran.K: Oh my, thank you for that detailed explanation Seiren.

Kuran.K: Why would you let Yuuki do that?

Kiryuu.Z: I refuse to be held responsible for this

Ichigo.T: WHY DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT NIPPLE PIERCINGS SEIREN???

Seiren: Me and Zero didn't want Ms.Cross to get pierced by herself incase someone tried to take advantage of her so we came with her.

Kiryuu.Z: I'm always up for something that the VHA will dislike 

Aidou.H: THIS IS WHY WE SHOULD GET MARRIED ZERO

Kiryuu.Z: You couldn't afford my dowry 

Akatsuki.K: Please stop hitting in Kiryuu I can't deal with it

Aidou.H: WE WOULD HAVE BEAUTIFUL BLONDE CHILDREN

Ichigo.T: What do piercings have to do with marriage???

Kiryuu.Z: All members of the Kiryuu legacy are legally classified as weapons of the VHA, but if I marry out so long as my kids get trained as hunters I'm free.

Kiryuu.Z: And a lot of the VHA don't like it when their weapons have autonomy

Aidou.H: YOU WOULD MAKE SUCH A GREAT HOUSEHUSBAND ZERO THINK ABOUT IT

Seiren: I'm sorry to say that I'm taking Aidou's side on this Zero, I would be happy to have a spouse half as accomplished as you 

Kuran.K: What happens if the woman you marry isn't fertile?

Kiryuu.Z: I wouldn't be marrying a woman and I have a uterus.

Kiryuu.Z went offline 

Aidou.H: If ANY of you are transphobic I'm freezing your organs 

Seiren: I will provide backup

Messages between Toga and Zero:

Zero: So I came out to the night class 

Toga: Oh would you look at that there's a conveniently timed assignment for you, go go go. 

Zero: Wow what a coincidence 

Yuuki and Zero messages

Zero: I came out as trans and now I'm running from my problems, also the night class knows about the piercing incident

(Read by Yuuki at 06:30 am)

Yuuki: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY KNOW ABOUT THE PIERCING INCIDENT

(Read by Zero at 6:31 am)

Yuuki: DON'T LEAVE ME ON READ EXPLAIN YOURSELF

Zero: It was Hanabusa's fault not mine

Yuuki: SO NOT ONLY WILL YOU NOT GET GOOSE TATTOOS WITH ME BUT YOU ALSO KEEP SPILLING MY SECRETS

Yuuki: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GUY WHO HAD TO BE BASICALLY WATERBOARDED INTO SOCIAL INTERACTION 

Zero: BLAME YOUR DAD HE'S THE ONE TRYING TO INDOCTRINATE ME INTO THE CULT THAT IS THE NIGHT CLASS 

Yuuki: STOP IMPLYING THAT KANAMES A CULT LEADER

Zero: HE HOLDS FUCKING CULTY GATHERINGS IN THE WOODS

Yuuki: HE'S JUST COTTAGECORE

Zero: THAT IS NOT COTTAGE CORE YUUKI

Yuuki: OH ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M NOT ALLOWED OPINIONS YOU SEXIST PIG

Zero: I HATE YOU

Yuuki: WHAT'S NEXT TAKING MY VOTE AWAY ZERO

Zero:WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO VOTE ON YOU'RE 16

Yuuki: STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT

Kaien and Zero messages:

Kaien: Why is Yuuki tapping at her phone screen so intensely??

Zero: She's probably talking to Internet strangers, you should take her phone so she doesn't get abducted 

Kaien: Do you think?

Zero: Absolutely.

Chapter Text

Night class group chat:

Kiryuu.Z: Anyone who mentions my sexual or gender identity gets shot in the head

Kuran.K: I don't appreciate you threatening my followers Kiryuu.

Kiryuu.Z: And I don't appreciate my body rejecting the blood tablets, guess what it's still happening.

Aidou.H: YOUR BODY IS WHAT NOW??

Ichigo.T: I will admit that is worrying Kiryuu.

Kiryuu.Z: Why? 

Aidou.H: BECAUSE YOU NEED THOSE TO LIVE, HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN HAPPENING 

Kiryuu.Z: Mind your own business. 

Aidou.H: MY ROOMIE/FUTURE HUSBAND'S BODY REJECTING BLOOD TABLETS IS MY BUSINESS ZERO

Kiryuu.Z: I'm sorry, is it our organs rejecting blood tablets? No, it's mine, stay out of it.

Kiryuu.Z: And if I'm marrying anyone it'll be Kuran, because then Yuuki can't do it.

Kuran.K: How exactly would you get me to agree with that?

Kiryuu.Z: Who said anything about you agreeing, I've forged your signature before and I'll do it again.

Aidou.H: STOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME WITH YOUR OTHER SHENANIGANS ZERO

Kiryuu.Z: Distract you from what?

Aidou.H: DON'T TRY TO GASLIGHT ME ZERO IM A PRETTY BLONDE BOY GASLIGHTING IS IN MY BLOOD

Kiryuu.Z: Gaslighting isn't real, you're being crazy.

Kiryuu.Z went offline

Takuma.I: Am I the only one concerned about what he's been signing in Lord Kuran's name?

Kuran.K: You wouldn't happen to know what that would be, would you Aidou?

Aidou.H: Of course not my lord I would never let him do that if I knew, now please excuse me I have to hunt down Headmaster Cross and tattle.

Takuma.I: Are you sure he won't shoot you for doing that Aidou?

Aidou.H: HE CAN TRY

Aidou.H went offline 

Zero and Yuuki messages:

Zero: Don't listen to anything Hanabusa tells you, he's lying

Yuuki: Do you think I ever listen to him? 

Also prepare yourself for valentine's day bc it's going to be a dozy 

Zero: Why

Yuuki: upon finding out that you are so very single and I am so very uninterested there may have been quite that up tick in crushes on you

Zero: Oh fuck me

Yuuki: I just made it clear that I don't want to

Zero: Ha ha very funny

Yuuki: I know!! It's one of the reasons people actually like me!!

Zero: I need to seriously rethink our relationship if you think that will hurt my feelings

Yuuki: I KNOW ITS JUST MY AUTOMATIC RESPONSE

Zero: You need to step up your insult game 

Zero: Also get ready to open your window

Yuuki: OMG DID YOU SNEAK OUT OF THE NIGHT DORMS SO WE CAN HANG OUT

Zero: Look outside dumbass

Yuuki: YES SIBLING SLEEPOVER WOO

Messages between Kuran.K and Kiryuu.Z

Kuran.K: Where are you? We need to talk.

Kiryuu.Z: I'm in the building over on none of your business avenue.

Kuran.K: Very funny Kiryuu, where are you actually?

Kiryuu.Z: We're in Kaien's kitchen!

Kiryuu.Z: Oh, this is Yuuki!!

Kuran.K: Ah and what pray tell are you two up to?

Kiryuu.Z: Once again none of your business.

Messages between Yuuki and Kaname:

Yuuki: Zero took his phone back! But we're baking!

Kaname: You know Kiryuu's phone password?

Yuuki: Yup! He knows mine too!

Kaname: I would think that Kiryuu would be more private about those things.

Yuuki: Well I mean what am I going to do with it? Look at the conversations he tells me about anyways?

Yuuki: Plus it's handy when one of us has our hands full!

Kaname: I suppose that makes sense.

Yuuki: I have a question if you don't mind! Why exactly did you think Zero was interested in me? I mean we're siblings

Kaname: It hadn't crossed my mind that you saw each other in that way, and sibling relationships aren't that odd in the vampire world. My parents were siblings after all.

Yuuki: Oh really I had no idea haha bye now!!!

Yuuki went offline

Messages between Kaito and Zero:

Zero: KAITO WAKE THE FUCK UP

Kaito: What do you want

Zero: YUUKI FOUND OUT THAT KURAN'S PARENTS WERE SIBLINGS 

Zero: CRUSH DESTROYED SHE SAID "I don't think I want to date a boy who views incest so normally"

Kaito: IS SHE NOT INTERESTED IN HIM ANYMORE

Zero: SHE FEELS MORE PITY FOR HIM SINCE GROWING UP LIKE THAT CAN'T OF BEEN EASY 

Kaito: HA HAHAHHA YES

Kaito: I CANT WAIT TO SEE THIS TRAIN WRECK IN PERSON

Zero: YOU'RE COMING HERE??

Kaito: YESSIR

Zero: FUCKING FINALLY 

Zero: NOW I CAN START PUTTING CURSES ON YOUR FAMILY HOUSE AGAIN 

Kaito: THAT WAS YOU WE THOUGHT IT WAS A VAMPIRE SEEKING REVENGE 

Zero: OFC IT WAS ME

Zero: I can't wait to beat your ass in training when you get here

Kaito: Oh please my dad hits harder than you

Zero: THE FIST FIGHT I HAD WITH HIM TELLS ME OTHERWISE

Kaito: I'll never know what your teacher thought when he ranked you as a great fighter

Zero: MOTHERFUCKER WE HAVE THE SAME TEACHER

Kaito: FUCK OFF I KNOW

Kaito: Wait you fought my dad

Zero: I don't know what else you thought I would do when you told me about your family

Kaito: IS THAT WHY THEY ALL LEAVE ME ALONE NOW

Zero: DID YOU THINK I WAS JOKING WHEN I SAID FOLLOWING THE LAW IS ONLY A SUGGESTION WHEN SOMEONE FUCKS WITH MY FRIENDS

Kaito: HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS AND HOW DID YOU NOT GET IN TROUBLE

Zero: IF YOU ASKED I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU AND I'M A VAMPIRE HUNTER NEPO BABY CONSEQUENCES DON'T EXIST FOR ME 

Kaito: Damn I wish that was the case for me

Zero: Oh because Toga would ever let his golden child get in serious trouble

Kaito: Do you think he would stand up for me?

Zero: I'm not even his favourite student and he threatened to stab a high up VHA member if they didn't let me legally change my name

Kaito: This opens so many doors for me.

Zero: Go nuts I'll probably die before the consequences catch up to us anyways

Chapter Text

Night class group chat:

Rima.T: Why did no one tell me how entertaining Kiryuu is?

Senri.S: I agree he's quite fun when he's not threatening death by bullet.

Takuma.I: Oh god not you too, what exactly have you been up to?

Rima.T: We've been with Ms.Cross and Kiryuu, we ran into them after a photoshoot and hung around them for a while.

Senri.S: I've found that Kiryuu carries various snacks with him in case his friends get hungry whilst out.

Rima.T: He's quite the mother hen, Takuma and him are very similar in some aspects.

Aidou.H: Oh yeah I've seen the inside of his bag and he has so many goodies in there.

Takuma.I: Me and Kiryuu are really that similar?

Aidou.H: Oh absolutely, Yuuki and the day class were so spoiled by him. Zero may be a jackass but he's never unprepared.

Kiryuu.Z went online

Aidou.H: Uh oh

Kiryuu.Z: Why do you people keep gossiping about me in a group chat I'm in?

Aidou.H: Last week you and Seiren sat and made fun of me for 40 minutes in A GROUP CHAT WITH ME IN IT???

Kiryuu.Z: You needed to be knocked down a peg, me and Seiren both agreed.

Aidou.H: I KNOW YOU BOTH AGREED YOU TALKED ABOUT IT IN FRONT OF ME

Kiryuu.Z: Well then this was an unnecessary confrontation wasn't it?

Aidou.H: UUHGG WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

Kiryuu.Z: We've discussed why several times Busa, child soldier and dead family. Not a good combination.

Senri.S: That does seem like a recipe for disaster.

Kiryuu.Z: I know, it's a good thing I'm going to die soon or I'd probably have to do something about that.

Aidou.H: WILL YOU STOP DISCUSSING YOUR DEATH LIKE IT DOESN'T MATTER

Kiryuu.Z: Take your complaints up with Kuran, I'm 90% sure he orchestrated my family's deaths. 

Aidou.H: HOW DARE YOU

Senri.S: No that sounds like something he would do.

Kiryuu.Z: I know it does.

Takuma.I: I have to ask that you don't slander Kaname like that in front of the class, there's no need to create unnecessary tension.

Kiryuu.Z: Disagree, what's he going to do about it? Kill my family?

Aidou.H: YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT I'LL DO ABOUT IT

Kiryuu.Z: I'll reiterate: what are you going to do about it? Kill my family?

Seiren: That is true, I'm not sure how one would go about punishing Zero.

Kiryuu.Z: Thank you

Aidou.H: I'LL BURN YOUR BOBA SHOP STAMP CARD

Kiryuu.Z: DO IT AND I'LL SEPARATE YOUR SCALP FROM YOUR HEAD

Aidou.H: I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY

Takuma.I: NOW let's all calm down here shall we

Seiren: Don't worry too much about it Takuma, Hanabusa is actively squished against Zero in their dorm at the moment.

Seiren: Violence and aggression are how they show affection sometimes.

Aidou.H: AND YOU ONLY KNOW IM SQUISHED AGAINST ZERO BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO

Seiren: That is true, he's very comfortable.

Souen.R: Somehow I doubt that.

Kiryuu.Z: I have years of practice with people suddenly dropping against me and using me as a bed

Takuma.I: I'm assuming you're talking about Yuuki?

Kiryuu.Z: No just random people in the day class as well, for some reason them being terrified of me doesn't extend to their naptime

Souen.R: Why wouldn't you just push them off?

Kiryuu.Z: My mother raised me better than that( before the aforementioned murder)

Aidou.H: As opposed to after the murder

Kiryuu.Z: Well duh I can't talk to the dead, I forgot to listen during that hunter lesson

Takuma.I: I find you listening intently to your mother about manners hard to picture

Kiryuu.Z: She also taught me how to hide razor blades in my gums 

Aidou.H: IS THAT WHY THAT GUY YOU SPIT AT GOT CUT

Kiryuu.Z: He fucked around and found out Busa I don't know what you expected

Takuma.I: Wait, they teach hunters how to speak with the dead?

Kiryuu.Z: I don't know I wasn't paying attention 

Aidou.H: Did you do the thing where you zone out and accidentally glare at some poor unsuspecting fool and make an enemy for life without knowing about it?

Kiryuu.Z: Yes I did.

Souen.R: Wait a minute is that what you used to do to me at crossover?

Kiryuu.Z: I don't know, I tend not to notice

Aidou.H: REMEMBER WHEN THAT VAMP HUNTER SHOWED UP AND WAS LIKE "I'M HERE TO CHALLENGE YOU KIRYUU BECAUSE OF YOUR ARROGANCE"

Aidou.H: AND YOU JUST BONKED HIM ON THE HEAD BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER HIM

Kiryuu.Z: WHAT THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO JUST PLAY ALONG??

Aidou.H: YES

Kiryuu.Z: HE WOULD OF GOTTEN HIS ASS BEAT AND ID FEEL BAD

Aidou.H: YOU'D FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT BUT NOT ALMOST DECAPITATING ME THE OTHER DAY

Kiryuu.Z: YOUR HEAD WOULD GROW BACK YA DAMN LIZARD

Aidou.H: FUCK YOU

Kiryuu.Z: FUCK YOU FIRST

Seiren: Will you two stop, all the aggressive typing is jostling me

Kiryuu.Z is typing…..

Aidou.H is typing…..

Aidou.H went offline

Kiryuu.Z went offline 

Seiren: Ha 

Seiren went offline

Akatsuki.K: Now what do we do, our entertainment went offline

Souen.R: I don't know go break someone's kneecaps or whatever you do

Akatsuki.K: Maybe I will.

Chapter Text

7 am

Messages between Zero and Yuuki:

Yuuki: Do you think I'd be a good court jester?

Zero: What.

Yuuki: "what" I told you what you dumbass

Zero: I thought I told you to stay of drugs

Zero: It's scary how quickly they can take over 

Yuuki: IM NOT ON DRUGS ZERO

Zero: Oh really, does this include your adhd meds?

Yuuki: DAMN IT HOW DO YOU KEEP FOOLING ME INTO ADMITTING THINGS

Zero: Because you're the most gullible person ever

Yuuki: I AM NOT

Zero: remember when we were younger and I told you that every time you booped my nose a fairy died?

Yuuki: OFC I REMEMBER I STILL HESITATE TO DO IT TO THIS DAY BECAUSE OF THAT

Zero: Ik its really effective, tried it on Busa and found out he didn't know who Tinker Bell was

Zero: He looks up to her now, he's got a poster of her on his walls

Yuuki: YOU'LL WATCH THE FAIRY HOLLOW FILMS WITH HIM BUT NOT WITH ME

Zero: YES AND WE CRIED WATCHING WALL-E

Zero: THAT ROBOT IS MORE HUMAN THAN ALL OF US

Yuuki: OF COURSE HE IS YOU'RE LITERALLY NOT A HUMAN

Zero: CONSIDERING HOW SIMILAR YOU LOOK TO KURAN IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME IF YOU WEREN'T EITHER

Yuuki is typing……

Yuuki: AM I A VAMPIRE

Yuuki went offline

Zero: Ah dammit now I have to deal with that

Night class groupchat:

Kiryuu.Z: I'm not going to class today.

Aidou.H: You don't have any VHA assignments today?

Kiryuu.Z: … How do you know that? ARE YOU OPENING MY MAIL AGAIN

Aidou.H: THAT IS NOT THE POINT

Kuran.K: Why won't you be showing up?

Kiryuu.Z: Yuuki's having a meltdown and because I'm her brother I have to deal with it

Kuran.K: Is she alright?

Kiryuu.Z: She's staring into space and listening to mitski so no

Kuran.K: Who is mitski? And what is the meltdown about?

Kiryuu.Z: I've been sworn to silence 

Kiryuu.Z: But also please stop being incestuous I cannot deal with it.

Aidou.H: ???? WHOS COMMITING INCEST

Messages between Kaito and Zero:

Zero: YUUKI'S A PUREBLOOD VAMPIRE

Kaito: WHAT

Kaito: WHAT IS HAPPENING AT THAT SCHOOL

Zero: AND THAT'S NOT FUCKING ALL, SHES A KURAN VAMPIRE

Kaito: SO SHE HAD A CRUSH ON HER BIO BROTHER AND HE TOLD NO ONE

Kaito: You don't have an issue with her now right?

Zero: Ofc I have issues with her she called a twink yesterday but she's my sister and I would gut someone for her

Kaito: I remember when one of my siblings tried to gut me

Zero: I SHOULD HAVE JUST ANSWERED YUUKIS QUESTION ABOUT IF SHE'D MAKE A GOOD JESTER

Zero: AND THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF THIS

Zero: AND SINCE YUUKI INCAPACITATED WITH SOBBING AND EATING THE BROWNIES I MADE I HAVE TO TELL CROSS

Kaito: THIS IS WHY WE SHOULDN'T MAKE FRIENDS WE SHOULD JUST BE GOAT FARMING HERMITS

Zero: IK AS SOON AS I GRADUATE I'M MOVING TO MOUNT EVEREST 

Zero went offline

10 am

Messages between Toga and Zero:

Zero: CROSS KNEW YUUKI WAS A PUREBLOOD AND KURANS SISTER THIS WHOLE TIME

Toga: YUUKIS A VAMPIRE???

Zero: APPARENTLY 

Zero: And I'm not saying Yuuki's going to burn down parts of the school in revenge and that I'm helping with hunter spells bc ride or die but if you have stuff you want to keep, move it

Toga: Oh god

Toga: I'd tell you no but if I found out someone let me fall inlove with my brother I would kill them and myself 

Zero: I feel a lot better about my brother helping to kill my family after all of this because at least I don't want to fuck him

Toga: I regret ever becoming a father figure

Zero: I have a folder full of yuuki reaction pictures 

Toga: I'm going to ground you

Zero: You can't we're burning everything to the ground me

Toga went offline 

Messages between Seiren and Zero:

Seiren: So ms.cross is actually Lady Kuran

Zero: How do you know about that already? 

Seiren: I heard it through the grapevine of course

Zero: Whatever I'd ask if you would run interference between Kuran and Yuuki but Ik you won't

Seiren: No I will. I don't agree with hiding peoples nature from them

Zero: Thank you, I can't wait for Busa to find out that Yuuki outrank him

Seiren: I believe he'll have quite the meltdown

Zero: And hope I get it all on tape

Messages between Zero and Yuuki:

Zero: I do think you'd make a good jester btw

Yuuki: SHUT UP AND HELP ME GET THE EGGS

Zero: So we've moved away from arson?

Yuuki: I DONT WANT TO BOTHER THE ANIMAL AND PLANT LIFE OR PPL WITH ASTHMA 

Zero: Can I suggest spray paint

Yuuki: SPRAY IT IVE YOUVE GOT IT

Zero: I LIKE REBELLION YUUKI