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Chapter Text

Wrex slowly rises from the spot among building debris that the blast had tossed him into. A wound in his arm aches. He'd clean it later. With one glance around the destroyed city, he could see all of the reaper forces were down. All except those still falling out of space through Earth's atmosphere. Most were reapers. Some were from their side of this war. None of them seemed to be landing anywhere too close so he takes his time collecting his thoughts.

How many of his men were still alive? Krogans are powerful, but there's no way their force is walking away from here without casualties. No one was. The real question is, who are the causalities? His eyes drift towards the wreckage of the citadel.

Shepard.

A part of him still believes that she's alive. That she managed to survive not just the final confrontation but the crash as well. If she was anywhere, she would be there. In the thick of it. Ahead of everyone, yet always thrown under the trampling of others first. At least she hadn't gone alone. Garrus left her in the middle of the battle, but he'd seen at least one other human make it to the portal. Who it was could've been anyone, but Wrex remembers how much Shepard hated being alone. It was one of her few weaknesses. Most of the others have to do with her small human body.

"Wrex!" He looks up to his name being called. There in the middle of the open field was a small group of krogan. About four or five of them. As soon as he looked over at them the group started moving again. Behind them trailed even more krogan. This wasn't even a third of the people from his ship. It could be that the others were still trying to find their way back. Might even be the case that they made their way towards the other krogan ships. Hope that damn thing still getting the better of him here. They're dead, but he hopes for them, for their futures. Just like he has been for all of the krogans since three years ago.

The men were as rowdy as they had been before the fight. As the group gathered around him they were quick to smack each other around. Playfully, after this fight, none of the bad blood that existed between some of them mattered anymore. Even Jark and Urkam were getting along like old friends. Wrex starts to look around the battlefield again. Turians, humans, asari, salarians, they were all starting to rise. Realization takes time to dawn upon all. Most of them were not as loud with their cheering as his men were. They didn't thrive off of victories like these the same way his people do.

Louder than all the cheering was the shouting of a lone krogan. Wrex's head shoots up and looks to the west. There standing in front of a half-destroyed tower was Grunt. His silver armor was covered in blood of different shades. Red, blue, and some black. He must've been trapped inside at some point. Using the stairs to force the indoctrinated to come at him in a line. Smart. Yet he wasn't celebrating. Not like the rest of their people. His shouting was boisterous and clear. From clear across the field, Wrex could hear the youngest krogan among them.

"Wrex it's Shepard! I can't reach her!" Grunt announces as he charges his way across the clearing between the building he'd been fighting in and the field where the krogan were starting to gather. He doesn't slow down so much as comes to a sudden stop. His barreling ends a foot away from Wrex. "She's not responding to anything. Open broadcasts, specific frequencies, not even her private comm."

"The blast probably fried her comms." He had no doubt she was at the source of it. Who else could it have been? Grunt looks away. His eyes hook onto the crashed Citadel in the distance. The same place Wrex wanted to go. Where Shepard was. It would have to wait. "Join the others." Grunt hesitates, still staring out towards where they last saw Shepard running.

Wrex doesn't push him. Pushing himself to focus already took more strength than he expected it to. Wrex climbs up onto the nearest crate. Thankfully it only creaked a little under his weight. Assuming it will hold, Wrex carries on. "Krogan to me!" The men immediately look up and start to form lines around the crate he stood on. All but one.

Grunt was surprisingly quiet. He has a fresh scar under his eye, and along his cheek. It almost looks like the one Shepard used to have before her death. Maybe that's why he says nothing while carefully running his fingers across the large gash. There was also a burn on his hand, as if he had blocked an attack with his fist alone. Wrex sighs. A part of him wants to go and talk to the kid, but he knows better. Grunt wouldn't want to talk. Not right now. His thoughts were else were, and Wrex couldn't blame him. As he looks out at the litany of krogan standing before him, the survivors, he's searching for one face. A single human amongst the crowd. He could already see her. Standing near the back, just there to watch, offer him a smile, and congratulations on the war they won.

The war she had undoubtedly delivered the final blow on. None of his men had even been able to get close to where she was heading. That strange beam of light. He heard Hackett calling out on every channel in a desperate attempt to reach her. Shepard's response was short and focused. She must have gotten up and continued on with her fight. Wrex knows it to be true. Garrus came through from over the Normandy's communication soon after that. Voice desperate, pained, probably hurt if he was calling from the ship instead of the field.

Shepard hadn't responded then, and she's not now. He blinks and she's gone. Instead, there's just him and around forty krogan standing at attention. They were undoubtedly experiencing the same thing as him. A rare feeling of calm after the fiercest fight of their lives. Unlike his speech before the fight, this one would be simple. "We won!" Wrex announces lifting his shotgun into the air.

His men cheer. Their laughs erupt alongside the sound of gunshots, and butting heads. A lone tech departs from the crowd to talk to him. His face was grim for a man who just survived the greatest war in history. Grunt doesn't even bother to glare at the krogan as he limps past him towards Wrex. They would need to talk after this whether he wanted to or not.

"Urdnot Wrex!" Another krogan pushes his way out of the crowd. His green plates were speckled with black splotches. "The ship is on the long-range comm." Wrex recognizes him now. A young engineer. One that had insisted they take a manual long-range communication hub with them through the fight. Just in case communications fell through. A smart plan. One Wrex admittedly thought was pointless before. None of them had expected a blast to range across the entire planet from the citadel. Most communication channels were down now.

"They say the ship isn't fully functional anymore."

There was always something. "That's going to be a problem." Earth wasn't the worse place he's ever been, but it wasn't somewhere he wanted to be stranded either.

"Most of the ships are only operating some functions. Salarians believe it to be because of the blast. It destroyed the reapers, our tech is inspired by theirs, ergo tech built in the same way also doesn't work."

"Our ships aren't like salarians and asari. We don't use mass effect fields in the same way as theirs."

The tech nods in agreement. "Yes. If we start work right away we could work our systems around the problem areas faster than the other ships. The humans also have some older, technologically old ships that seem to be unaffected by the explosion."

"So right now we could be flying before the other species?"

"Yes."

"Hmm," this was a chance for the krogan. The first choice of many that will take place after the war.

"Divide yourselves up. Technicians work on the ship. Everyone else helps move the rubble aside and gather survivors. The humans won't be strong enough to do it alone. The asari and salarians won't be much help with lugging this junk around either." He kicks a broken wall. The rest of it comes crashing down beside him. "When the ship and the shuttle are up and running again, start searching for stranded ships around Earth. They're going to have as much trouble getting their ships running again as any of us down here."

"I'm leaving." At least Grunt had the decency to wait for the others to leave before challenging his orders. So hard-headed that it's no surprise how he got along so famously with Shepard.

"Where do you think you're going? I told you all non-engineers get to helping survivors." Wrex grabs his arm. Grunt smacks his hand away. Gritting his teeth Wrex holds Grunt's gaze. Barely able to hold back his anger, he narrows his eyes. The damn kid better has a good reason for disobeying his orders. He suspects that he already knows the reason why he's leaving.

"Shepard." The younger krogan was once again staring off at the Citadel's wreckage. Grunt had come a long way from when he first visited Tuchunka and joined clan Urdnot. It was easy to forget how he'd only been living for a few days before then. A month at most according to what Shepard said. The young were always rushing off. Alone. Foolishly. Nothing would stop the kid now. That determination mixed with his blood rage. Shepard still hadn't responded and now he was pissed. Wrex could practically hear his thoughts. 'What if the reapers had taken her?' 'Where is she?' 'My krantt would not die so easily.' His declarations of finding Shepard don't come from a belief that he's certain of her survival. No, he’s practically acting like a pyjack who has seen something shiny and screeches about, having no other way to ask. It was so easy to read him because Wrex knows how it feels. His own emotions were high. It made his whole body ache, not from the fight, but from the way they made his body still feel tense.

"Then let's go."

His head snaps back. That caught Grunt's attention. "What?"

"We're going to go find Shepard. She's probably asleep over there. The human body can sleep anywhere. Hers definitely does." Wrex frowns at the memory of many cat naps had in the mako when she became too tired to really drive. Her skills with steering were bad enough. A tired Shepard was three times as bad. Dropping his shotgun back in his holster, Wrex sighs. He takes this brief moment to prepare his sore body for the run.

"We?"

Rolling his eyes, Wrex stretches his arms. "Yes, we." He glances back over just in time to see Grunt's knowing smirk. As if he knew this would happen. Damn, he could be a pain in the ass when he wanted to be. Still, at least there were going to be two of them searching for Shepard now. Two krogans, yeah they were definitely going to find her.

"She's alive, I know she is. My krantt would not lose her life to the reapers just as she was finishing the fight." Grunt was so sure, and Wrex knew he should admonish such hope, but he felt it too. This kid. The pair start their run. Internally Wrex couldn't help but give a silent command. 'We'll be there soon Shepard. Just hang on."

-

It was a long run before they finally made it to the ruins of the citadel. When they arrive it was clear that the lower levels of the Citadel were crushed. They pile on top of one another, in large discarded piles of destruction and rubble. "Watch where you step," Wrex warns. Growing up on Tuchunka taught him what stable rubble piles looked like compared to unstable ones. Not a skill most would find useful, but it helped him keep his feet from sinking below the trash.

There's a muted yelp as Grunt tries to fight back against his natural reaction. His leg sinks down into the trash below them. The kid was a strong-willed warrior, but he could do with a bit more carefulness. Wrex grabs the back of his hump. With ease, he pulls Grunt back up and sets him on a large, stable chunk of what was once a shuttle.

"What did I just say?"

"It's taking too long."

"Shepard could be anywhere here. Even under some of this. We have to be thorough." Grunt kicks a broken gun away. It clangs against a metal hood in the distance, before snapping in half.

The next few hours were the two of them combing through the Citadel. Eventually, Wrex found Shepard's old apartment. Only the upper floor remained, partially intact. The bed was broken in half, and the stairs only had the top two steps still loosely attached to the floor. The floor itself was busted inward sinking into the second floor below it. He peers down the crack to see the fractured piano at the bottom. At least they were able to have a few good moments here.

He remembers Shepard standing in the living room, listening to Grunt and him calling her name. She causally lolls her head back and forth, enjoying that small competition of theirs. It was the most he'd ever said her name. It was also the only time he'd ever seen her relax. Looking away, Wrex hops down towards a metal slab below the apartment. Grunt was searching through the lower levels. He could barely get through most of the place. Eventually, kicking at a torn painting, he shouts. Unlike Grunt, Wrex felt surprisingly calm. Either she was here, or she was dead. Two possibilities. Two absolutes. It was refreshing after years of possibilities, most not good. At least now it was a 50/50.

They search for a few more hours, before finally coming across a body that was burnt, half crushed, or torn apart.

Grunt was the one to find it. "We've got a body over here!" He shouted, gesturing towards Anderson absent-mindedly. "Not Shepard." He declared dismissively. Before him was a man he did not know, but one Wrex remembers clearly. Anderson was a man keen to do what he thought was right. In his eyes supporting Shepard was always the correct thing to do. No matter what course of action she decided upon.

Wrex kneels down next to Captain Anderson. His face was older now. Worn, and tired. His head was cold and stiff as it hangs over his lap. An old alliance military hat sits in his lap. At least she hadn't been alone at the end of her journey. The same man who he knew started this journey with her, ended it too. Asari would call that poetic. When it's actually just sad. He had stepped down so Shepard could accomplish her goals. Anderson, he refused to allow his own mistakes to color Shepard's chances in this life. At stopping Saren and the reapers. His own father had never even done as much.

"She's up there." Grunt announces jumping up towards the elevated platform. His small legs struggle to get him high enough. "I," he leaps again this time his fingers catching on the rim. "I can smell her. My krantt is up there!"

If only his nose was as sharp as Grunt's. Then he would've noticed sooner instead of lamenting over a dead human. Anderson's hat had fallen into his lap. Dusting it off, Wrex places it back on his head. Turning away he watches as Grunt jumps up towards the next floor. He climbs up a pile of rubble, from one of the collapsed walls. Taking a deep breath he leaps up towards the elevated platform. His upper body crashes against the side of it as Grunt falls back down. The platform shakes under their weight. Wrex struggles to get a good enough grip over the top of it to pull himself up. As he wills himself not to fall, he notices Shepard's N7 helmet resting in the middle of the platform.

It had to be hers. There was only one Commander Shepard, and her helmet had been customized to her taste. The purple plaint, decorated with blue lining and red splotches, meant to represent spilt blood. Even from two feet away, as he fights back against gravity, he can see the small initials carved into the side. Team Normandy WU, GV, KA, AW, LT, and TZN. Their initials. Their team. Anger fills him.

Shepard was the one who helped him fulfill his promise to his grandfather. She was the one who risked everything just to help her crew. Her ignorance hadn't stopped her. Asking questions, and learning history, she saw the injustice the krogan had faced. Saw the joke they had been turned into. A blind rage at everything that should have been. His people were going to survive this. They were going to thrive, and he wanted his sister to be there. Thoughts flash through his head. Images of moments that'll never be if they don't find her here. Everything that could be. Using his newfound surge of strength Wrex pulls himself the rest of the way up. His body falls forward, next to her helmet.

Grunt picks up her helmet. Sniffing it gingerly he frowns. They share a look and Wrex knows they were wondering the same thing. Was that what he was smelling? With some effort, he pushes himself back up. Grunt swipes the helmet before Wrex could think to grab it. The pair of krogan look up and stare at the next floor. It was twice their height. A difficult jump, but not impossible.

"Grunt, come here." He waves the younger krogan over.

"What is it?"

"Hold still." Grabbing Grunt's left arm and leg, Wrex heaves the other Urdnot up. Utilizing the momentum built up by Grunt's weight and size, Wrex spins faster, until he knows they couldn't speed up anymore. Letting go, Wrex stumbles back. He brings his legs up to his chest as he watches Grunt go flying. A loud oomph escapes Grunt as he slides across the top of the next floor. There's a screeching sound of metal against armor. He holds his head until finally, it stopped. Moments later Grunt's face appears. His eyes are wide, and there's a new scratch across the front of his armor. Frowning he glares down at Wrex.

"What was that?" His lips peel back revealing his teeth. He'd get over it. Not like that did any worse damage than the fight against the reapers had.

"It got you up there didn't it?"

"You could have-"

"Stop complaining and find a way to get me up there." Grunt's head pulls back. Disappearing beyond the floor he can hear loud steps echoing across the floor above him.

Her body wasn't mangled. That was the first thing he noticed. At least it was a good note. There were plenty of cuts, bruises, and burns, but she was still in one piece. A good sign. Wrex drops down next to her. Carefully he rolls her body over. Next, he checks all of her vital signs. Well, the ones he assumed were vital. Chakwas always checked their head for fevers and human wrists for pulses. He places the palm of his hand against Shepard's head. It didn't feel warm like a krogan's but it also wasn't cold like a turian's. That's probably what it's supposed to be. Placing his two fingers against the underside of her wrist Wrex tries to hone in on a pulse. Any sign of her human heart still at work. However faint it might be.

"She died fighting."

"She's alive you idiot, and she survived saving us all." Wrex moves his fingers off her wrist. There was a heartbeat. She was alive. Grunt was right to insist on them coming here. "Never a dull moment for you, is there Shepard?"

Grunt sniffs at the air. "It smells of death here." Wrex sighs as he moves his arms under Shepard. Grunt watches him pensively. "I'll carry her."

Wrex trusted Grunt with a lot, but he's unsure if the younger krogan had the ability to be careful. Human bodies were delicate in normal circumstances. Shepard's sturdier than most but right now she's critically injured. Even parts of her face looked to be slipping down off her skull. He may not know much about humans, but he knows they aren't supposed to do that. Faint black marks can be seen under the bits of cut flesh. Was that from what Cerberus had done to her? Maybe it was some sort of last-ditch effort to stop her by the reapers.

"I've got her. Keep your gun out. We still don't know who's nearby."

"The dead."

Wrex rolls his eyes as he stands. Never had he seen the citadel so destroyed before. Yeah, it was a little wrecked after Sovereign, but never like this. There was never this much. Even when the Rachni attacked they were beaten back. The citadel saw little of the actual action. This time the attack had been relentless. Yet it was all of them aiming to invade it. When he was a child he imagined storming the Citadel. It was a daydream that many of the krogan entertained. After so much had been done to his people of course they enjoyed the thought of seeing the Citadel burn a little. Just not like this. Never like this.

It takes twice as long for them to leave as it had for them to get there. Wrex had to repeatedly stop and readjust Shepard in his arms so he could jump, climb, and run while keeping her damaged body safe within his hold. More than once Grunt growled about the way he was holding her. He wasn't keeping her head up enough, or was he trying to crush her? It took a lot of self-control to ignore them. It was as if the kid thought he was trying to hurt Shepard. She clearly had taken enough of a beating. She definitely didn't need his help in getting hurt. Was there anything he could do that would hurt her more than she already had been? A grim feeling fills the pit of his stomach. As he looks her over he knows she was just short of death. They needed doctors, and they needed them fast.

It was around an hour before they finally made it out of the wreckage and halfway back to their ship. Wrex sends Grunt out to gather some doctors. Anyone with enough medical knowledge of human bodies that could help her. After giving the order Wrex turned on his heels and continued to carry Shepard towards his ship. Thankfully there were more injured survivors there from other species than krogan at the moment. That would keep his men busy, distracted. Whoever wasn't there was out, doing as he told. As soon as this ship was operational again they would be helping even more people. Just like Shepard would have done. Careful not to draw attention to himself, he uses the crowd of injured to hide Commander Shepard's body in his arms.

Somehow he succeeded. The survivors were too terrified to ask him about the wounded soldier in his arms. They assumed it was just another person the krogans were aiding due to his orders. The krogan who saw him immediately returned to their tasks out of fear that he would be angry. No one made Shepard's presence a big deal. Part of him was thankful for that. It made his job easier. If the krogan saw Shepard in such a weak state they would lose respect for her. It would be difficult for him to deal with both his people and Shepard's health. Yet it would be even more difficult if his people were to find out just how injured she was. A simple look and many of them would call her weak and discard the idea of saving her. Just as Grunt had seen her and assumed she was dead. He could allow that. Even if it met beating back his pride. If she was in better shape he would declare her being found to all of them. It would be yet another victory the krogan had brought about today.

He can't. Now was the time for being smart, even if she deserved all the praise for this victory. The people couldn't see her like this. As he makes his way up to his private room, Wrex ponders his next steps. Once they had doctors they would need space to work in. Places to sleep. He'd also have to make sure that they wouldn't open their damn mouths. Shepard would need the krogan's respects if she was going to be allowed to heal on Tuchunka. The alliance also can't find out. Elevator doors hiss open, interrupting his thoughts.

Wrex adjusts Shepard in his arms. Her body was warm but barely compared to his own. His hopes that that was normal were slowly losing out. The few times he had held her in the past her body was always cooler than his own, but was it ever this cold? Nervously he checks her pulse again. Still there. Fading, but there.

Wrex moves most of Shepard's body into the crook of one of his arms. It takes time to put in the codes to unlock his door with just one, but he manages. Wrex was a soldier. No simple door could stop him for that long. It would have happened faster if he hadn't kept glancing back down at Shepard. For once in her life, she looked at peace. That expressionless look on her face was one he'd often seen on the dead. It had come to be a look of acceptance. When you know you're on death's door and there's no one around that you need to smile for you just let go. He's seen it a hundred times. Never has he hated that look so much.

'You aren't dead yet. Soldiers like us, we can't rest yet." It may be selfish but he doesn't care. Shepard had to live. She needed to keep fighting. Rest is only for the dead and it's not her time. Not yet.

When the door finally opens, Wrex stomps through the room. It was simple. Just enough space for a bed, and a shelf for his armor. He hadn't needed much in the way of comfort. He needed even less on the Normandy but this was his ship. He allowed himself to be a little greedy with the space. Now it was smart. Shepard could stay here. She could heal out of sight of the others, and by the time they made it back to Tuchunka, no one had to know. As long as the alliance doesn't find out, Shepard will be fine. They locked her up like fools before. Now half of their technology wasn't correctly functioning because of her actions. She saved the world, but Wrex holds no doubts that she would be blamed for all the inconveniences that would follow people after. He wasn't going to force her to face that again. No one will stop Shepard from doing whatever it is that she wants to do next. He'd make sure of it. Even if the krogan would have to go to war with everyone else just to protect her. It's not what he wants for them, but he knows the others will follow his lead. Some of them were already itching for the next fight.

Wrex lays her on top of the bed. He grabs an extra blanket Eve had packed for him in case Earth was too cold. Now he unfurls it on top of Shepard. It might help her retain heat. It might keep her alive, it might not. He had no idea what to do. So everything was worth a try. He grabs his helmet off of the shelf. Tenderly as he can, he lifts Shepard's head up with a hand carefully wrapped under it. If he sets the helmet up right under her head it might be uncomfortable. Humans seemed easily agitated when it came to how they sat with those soft fleshy bodies. He rotates the helmet so he could set Shepard's head in the opening. It was some sort of cushioning for her. Even if the helmet was too big for her head. Better than nothing.

Wrex moves away from her head and grabs his other blanket from off the floor. He throws it on her as well. The dried-out pyjack leather blanket wasn't as warm as the thick one eve had gotten him from an off-world merchant but maybe both would be enough to help her. His omnitool still wasn't working. So medi-gel was out of the question. Would it even help beyond her basic cuts and scrapes right now?

He hates this. Wrex has always hated being worried. It felt weak to accept there was a limit to what he can do, but a wise person admits when they're out of their depths. So he sits down on the floor next to the bed. He sits and watches the door. Waiting patiently for the doctors and Grunt to arrive.

Thoughts drifting off he wonders if Hackett was even still alive. Were any of the other leaders alive? He can't outright deny them, Shepard. If they are suspicious but have no proof he can just deny having any knowledge over her. That might be his best choice if he wishes to avoid an intergalactic incident so soon again. He'd take it to a fight if he needed to, but when Shepard wakes up it would be pointless. If her eyes opened up and saw the krogan fighting the humans over her, she'd just turn herself in. She'd let the galaxy blame all of this on her, and wouldn't even frown. Never was that incessant smile of hers more annoying than when she was taking the fall for others. No, he needed to figure out how to keep her safe, without causing further problems.

That was the only way to ensure that no one fucks with Commander Shepard.

Chapter Text

Wrex once again found himself in a position far more challenging than he had ever expected to encounter on Earth. Admiral Hackett was one of the first ships his men helped retrieve when their own was functional again. Of course, they recovered the one human he did want to deal with yet. His grey hair was accented by dark blue eyes. The way his eyebrows were raised suggests that he knows more than anyone was sharing. The look he fixed on Wrex wasn't an intimidating one, but a challenge.

It was almost as if he was saying, 'I dare you to lie to me.' A dare Wrex would be happy to take him up on. He's seen Anderson's body. If Hackett finds out that Shepard's alive there would be no humans left to protect her from the alliance or the council.

"Urdnot Wrex." Hackett offers a hand.

"Hackett." Wrex ignores it.

Seemingly unfazed Hackett retracts his hand. He rests his hands behind his back, holding one with the other. A motion Shepard often did when talking to her people of authority. He grins. At least Hackett knew he was someone to be taken seriously. That meant he knew not to underestimate Wrex. His grin disappears. Hackett's eyes notice and glance over his whole face again. Fucking humans. Why couldn't they be denser? This game of body language was for the asari, not krogan.

"Thank you for helping me and my men. Without your help, our ship would never have safely broken through orbit. Or landed for that matter."

He'd make sure Hackett was aware of just how much he owed Shepard. "Just be thankful Shepard brought the krogan to this fight. I doubt you all would have won otherwise."

"You were part of the spearhead that Shepard pieces together around her. I'm aware of how much we owe the commander, but we of the other higher-ups are concerned. How many have we lost? What was that light? Why is half of our tech not working? I was hoping the krogan may be willing to work with us and the other species once more to find the answers."

"You mean you want us to stick around and help you rebuild." Wrex crosses his arms and leans back against the command table. His men relax as the humans tense up. Only Hackett remained unbothered by Wrex.

"While krogan aid would be incredibly helpful I'm aware you have your own world and people you need to get back to." Hackett walks past, choosing to stand beside Wrex. His old blue eyes take in the command table. All strategies they had used in the fight just now. Nothing helpful to him now. "It is our job to take care of our people after this war. ALL of our people." Wrex fights back every urge to react. Instead, he rolls his eyes and looks away from Hackett. He was no threat. There was no way he knew.

No, it was just a guess.

"If your men happen to find any human bodies during their efforts to help as you've instructed them to do, please alert us. You can just pile them up to the side of where you find them. We'll move and handle their remains. We just need to figure out how many were lost. I've asked the same of the other species as well and agreed to the same courtesy." Wrex could feel Hackett's eyes bearing into him. They weren't as noticeable as Shepard's but perhaps that was because he cared about what Shepard had to say. Humans had a weird way of making their presence known. If they were predators he has no idea how they ever caught anything. The eery way their eyes dig into you without you even having to look at them was by far the creepiest thing about humans.

"We'll help as we make our repairs. In exchange, we will need resources. Access to doctors on this planet, some parts we do not have to repair our ships."

Hackett nods cordially. "Anything we can spare we shall send to yours and the other species. Humanity understands its allies will need more help getting back home than we will need rebuilding ours, right away."

"Then you still have the help of the krogan." Wrex finally shakes Hackett's hand. "We'll start bringing other ships back into orbit again."

The warriors walk the humans out of the ship. Wrex stays there to watch them go. Once there was no sign of the other species, he walks away. It's been twelve Earth hours since the doctor arrived and began working on Shepard. He was hopeful about the results.

The door to Wrex's room was pried slightly open. Grunt was in there. Given how the doctor didn't have the strength to move the door, and only Grunt knew of what he held in the room, him having snuck in to be with Shepard was the only viable option. So as the large krogan pries the door open the rest of the way, he's not surprised by the sight that greets him in the slightest. Sitting on the edge of the bed, back to Shepard, was Grunt glaring at the door, shotgun in hand.

Slowly he sets his own weapons down on his desk next to the bed. Wrex pretends to admonish him. "I don't recall summoning you."

"Shepard is here. I go where she goes." Wrex just nods. Of course, he does. He knew Grunt was loyal to Shepard, but he hadn't expected him to act as the lone bodyguard all day and night. "The survivors?"

"Going along with their plans. Trying to see who else survived." A task his own men had their hands busy with. They had just won the war but, he worked his warriors as if it wasn't over. In some ways, it wasn't. Wrex looks over at Shepard. A Salarian doctor was looking her over. Her face still sagged down, especially around her cheeks, but she wasn't as cold as she had been before. Apparently, she had been too cold for humans. If he hadn't set those covers on her she would have frozen even faster. Yet the heat they provided had sped her blood back up. Her wounds started bleeding more. He had no idea what to do with human bodies. That was when the doctor finally got here. Just in time too according to him. Shepard was resting, she could start to heal now. Start being the keyword. No, the war wasn't entirely over. Not yet. "When they're gone and our ship is fixed we leave."

"What about helping the others." Grunt doesn't sound interested in Wrex's answer. He's being petty citing Wrex's own words from yesterday. He wasn't in the mood. If Grunt wanted a fight he can go pick one somewhere else.

"We have helped them. We'll get some of their ships working again and then they can take care of their own. As we help Tuchunka and our people first." Wrex rests a hand on Shepard's. The Salarian winces at his sudden closeness. She hadn't expected Wrex to come anywhere near her as she worked. Clearly, she underestimated how little The krogan still trusts their kind.

"Why are you guarding the door instead of the Salarian?" Wrex was pissed. Even if he didn't think the Salarian would purposefully hurt Shepard she could still cause her harm. She was a doctor, yes, but a stranger all the same. The little pyjacks could even go out and tell the humans where Shepard was.

Grunt casually glances back. His blue eyes hover on Shepard before looking back at the door. "He won't do anything." Didn't even bother to fix the Salarian with a glare. What was going on with him? "The humans might insist on causing trouble. Turians and asari could too. Our enemies are out there. It's not one lone salarian."

There were moments Wrex forgets how young Grunt is. He's not naïve like other young krogan are. Perhaps that is in part due to the implanted memories Okeer made him with. He was young though. Not even a year yet, and he could end up living for a thousand more. He went through the rite but her head plates still weren't fully formed, his skin isn't as tough, and he had eyes nearly as blue as Garrus.

Between those blue eyes and his affection for Shepard, he wasn't surprised by the maternal way Shepard took care of Grunt. After that mission with the rachni, she refused to leave until he woke up. They said their goodbyes with a bloody hug, rachni intestines smearing across the pair of them. Wrex remembers laughing. It was one of the few moments he wasn't weighed down by concerns. Then there was Garrus, looking on with fake disgust, a small twitch in his mandibles giving away his smile.

Wrex found himself once more torn between treating Grunt as an equal warrior and as a young kid who still has a lot to learn. His size says one thing but his appearance in every other regard suggests otherwise. Then again they had just survived the greatest fight in Wrex's lifetime. Who knows what else Grunt will go through. The young krogan looks back once more towards Shepard. Wrex couldn't deny her influence on him.

"We need to keep the peace. Otherwise, another genophage would be the least of our worries." Only here, in the privacy of his room would he admit to such fears. Wrex makes sure to give the salarian another glare. She shrinks back and stares down at Shepard's left shoulder. She fiddles with it as if preparing to push it against Shepard's body. "If they come for her you shouldn't fight them off."

"The humans never cared for her. They locked her up instead of letting her fight. They ignored her warnings instead of preparing for this fight. Their fear held her back and let the battle go this far." There was that rage of his again.

"Which is why we will keep her safe. Something we can only do if her presence here stays a secret." He grabs the front of the salarian's outfit. "Understood?" She fearfully nods her head back and forth.

Grunt snorts. Wrex turns to look at him as the familiar clinking of cleaning weapons starts. This time it wasn't his weapon he was holding but the broken pistol Shepard had in her hands. "She's still one of theirs. Hackett won't let her go so easily."

Of all Krogan he hadn't expected Grunt to challenge his decision. There have been moments in the field where he's had to choose between what his fellow krogan expected and another option. He had always thought it was his influence. That Grunt was backing him in reforming the krogan and their homeworld. Did it ever have anything to do with him at all? Three pieces click together without a problem. As he goes to attach the fourth, the sight scope, the rest fell off the handle. Grunt grabs his shotgun and throws it across the room. He follows that by smacking his head a couple of times. Finally, everything else has failed, Grunt cradles the remains of Shepard's pistol in his arms.

Wrex rests a hand on top of Grunt's shoulder. "She's one of us, and neither will we."

His concerns were understandable, but they had to be smart about this. If the krogans immediately cause problems with the others then it may be a new united front against them next time. Not just the Salarians and Turians. Their people couldn't afford too many confrontations. Not right now. The end of this war will grant them some respite and peace. A short time for them to recover like the other species. Time for them to plan.

Chapter Text

Nights on Earth were strange. Even after all of the destruction and the violence, when their enemies lay dead, Earth was rather peaceful at night. Shepard always said the cities on Earth were loud at night. That some of them never stopped. Yet here as Grunt walks the land of Shepard's home planet he struggles to hear even the slightest sound even from pests. It was nice. He used to hate how loud the Normandy was. Even the tube was too loud most of the time. Silence was nice. It let him think about all the images in his head. Later it helped him make plans.

Tonight he wanted nothing to do with it. A need for action pushes him forward. He breaks from his typical patrol path in search of something. Anything that could make noise. That could fight and wash out all these thoughts in his head.

Grunt didn't want to think. He doesn't want to reflect on the implanted memories and lessons. Not the way Shepard's breathing was growing more haggard with each passing day. Not the way their FTL still wasn't working.

He wants noise now. So much noise it can drown out her face, her voice, the sounds the machines made as they struggle to keep her alive. Anything to distract him from the fact that,

Shepard spoke.

Not a lot, but she spoke. He heard her. "Move, Alex, the waterfall... Our usual spot." The words were mumbled and difficult to make out. It sounded like a name and an order.

The doctor said this was normal. That her brain waves were starting to show more activity, and she asked if Shepard's always been a sleep talker. Grunt looks to Wrex. If the frown meant anything it was that Wrex was as unsure as Grunt was.

The salarian presses a hand to her eyes. An exhaustive sigh frees itself from her mouth. Frustration clearly building up. "This is a common thing many humans do. However, I am unsure if this is normal for her. It could be that she hears us and wants to respond but her body is too worn down to wake up, or it could be that she doesn't hear us at all and is speaking to someone, or something else."

"How?"

"You dream, yes? That's how. Humans react to their dreams more actively than other species. Sometimes they jerk their legs around as if to run away, or talk to figments in their mind, some even get up and walk." Pressing her tongue against the inside of her cheek, she makes a couple of clicking sounds with her mouth. Finally the salarian fiddles with one of the several old human machines Shepard was hooked up to. "Clearly I have to up her sedatives. If she's talking she might be feeling the pain too."

"Will that keep her from communicating?"

"Possibly, yes."

"Don't!" Wrex and the doctor both look back at Grunt. The doctor's head tilts sideways in curiosity. Wrex crosses his arms. He was too tired to demand anything right now. If he wasn't getting much sleep before the last stand on Earth then he's running on nothing but fumes by now. Any krogan could challenge him to a fight for leadership, but only Grunt would succeed.

"If she can communicate then she's getting better." Grunt insists.

"The pain from being conscious might worsen her condition."

"Or you could be preventing her from waking up! You could be making her worse with your medicine!"

Grunt tightens his hold around his shotgun. He didn't need it to tear the Salarian apart. All it did was prevent him from grabbing her by the theory and throwing her out. Shepard was talking. She was communicating, and this asshole was planning on stopping her. He'd kill her before allowing that.

"Why would I do that? I want Commander Shepard to get better just as much as you do!"

Grunt's rage boils over. How dare this salarian piece of-. Growling Grunt charges at the doctor. He grabs her by the front of her clothes. "No. You don't." He growls through gritted teeth. One claw. One tip of his digits going into her neck. That's all he needed to kill her. To get rid of the one keeping Shepard from waking up.

Before he can begin taking her apart, something collides with the side of his head. Dropping the doctor, Grunt stumbles back. He throws an arm back. It wasn't needed as he falls back on his right leg and balances himself. Wrex stands before him, glaring. He uses his body to block Grunt's view of Shepard and the salarian.

"Grunt, go out on patrol." It was as much of a warning as it was an order.

"What?"

"The doctor can't focus with you here. Don't worry, I won't be leaving her alone with Shepard for a moment." Wrex wasn't saying he was wrong. He was even saying he'd be keeping a close gaze on the salarian, but it still feels as if Grunt was the one being punished here.

Wrex wouldn't leave Shepard alone. Especially not with a salarian. Everyone knew this. The doctor more so the others as she was constantly turning around to Wrex poking at whatever new contraption she'd plug into Shepard. Grunt being here actually stopped him from challenging a lot of her actions. Now even she seemed more willing to deal with Wrex than himself.

Cowards! All of them! Grunt grabs the nearest thing, which just so happens to be a chunk of broken wall the size of his head, and throws it clear across the debris. It smashes against a building missing half of itself, and breaks apart into dust.

"Wow! I mean, I knew krogans were strong, but you're like super strong."

Grunt grabs his shotgun from his back. Pointing muzzle first Grunt and his gun stare at the human who popped up from behind an overturned M29 Grizzly. Cowardly, the human throws their hands up.

"Whoa there. Not an enemy."

"Step out from behind the Grizzly."

"Sure." The human was quick to agree. Easy prey. Grunt doubts they'd be much of a threat, but better safe than sorry. Any human could be trying to find out about Shepard's location. "Sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on ya. Though I was pretty obvious in my approach. Calling out like that and everything." Hackett could've sent anyone. Maybe even everyone. At least in this area. Grunt looks around. There were barely ten other souls nearby. If he had filled the area with spies, then there weren't many.

"Listen, I'm an alliance soldier." They tap the N7 symbol on their left chest plate. "I'm a specially trained N7, alliance soldier. I'm not a bad guy." The human quickly looks around. Pointing at the closest fallen reaper limb, they repeat, "I'm not with them."

"What do you want, human?" He lowers his shotgun, but keeps it out.

"I'm looking for help. It's my job to round up free hands and rescue survivors out from under all of this debris. Can you help?" The human looks around. Already they were scoping out who else was near, expecting him to say no.

Grunt wasn't one to waste his time. He was going to decline the human any aid but then Shepard's voice was in his head again. ' If we don't help who will?' She would want him to help. Should he really be wasting his time here? Yes, Wrex sent him on patrol, but the faster he finishes his round the sooner he can return to her side. Then again if she could be, she would be out here. The great, powerful, wonderful, amazing, Commander Shepard. A human who shows kindness to all, save for those who proved themselves unworthy. Krogan considered such kindness a weakness, but wasn't it that kindness that saved them?

"I will help you human, but you have to answer a question after."

"Wait, that's it? You just need me to answer a question?"

Grunt says nothing as he looks over his gun. The sudden rise of concern in the N7 soldier's voice was wonderful. "Alright, big guy. I get it. No questions but yours. Can't help but think that you're getting the sorry end of the deal here, but I'll use all the help I can get."

"Good." Grunt kicks a rock away. "Information is all your kind seems to have left."

The soldier tenses up at that. They look away for a moment down the road. Light starts to fill the sky. It crawls up the road towards them. Yet the human doesn't notice. They don't seem to care that this is the second sunrise after the war. It's the first time Grunt has seen the Earth's sunrise. Yesterday he spent the whole day with Shepard, waiting for Wrex to finish with the Politicians. Grunt had heard Shepard talk about Earth plenty. She didn't seem to hold the same benevolence for it that most show their home worlds. In fact, she often complained about this world. The politicians, the lackluster movements to keep it healthy and going, the itchiness that everything caused her to experience. Actually, she may have complained more than not, but there were always three things Shepard missed. The sun, the forests, and the oceans.

"Well, we have each other still." Grunt snorts derisively. Their brown eyes narrow. "It's more than some can claim." The N7 soldiers shoot back.

"What race stepped into the battle today that isn't walking away with multiple of their kind coming out of it?" Grunt shakes his head. "The reapers failed. We made sure of it." Shepard made it all possible after all.

"I wasn't talking about species or races." The N7 starts but stops themselves. Their head cocks to one side. They narrow their eyes as if that could possibly help them hear more. Does that actually work for humans? "Did you hear that?" Okay, maybe human eyes are connected to their ears.

"What is it?" Grunt asks, readying his shotgun.

"Someone's crying." The N7 eyes grow softer. How can a soldier be moved by something as simple as crying? Only the weak cry, and if they are weak then it's better to leave them be. That way they are forced to grow strong or die.

"They're this way!" with that the N7 drops their weapon back into its holster before running after the sound. Were all humans like this? Shepard also seemed insistent on helping the weak. She was stronger than most humans, but maybe they all have this weakness. Following suit, Grunt gets ready for another fight. Already looting had started. Humans, turians, everyone really, was ripping older, or completely fried ships apart to try and find something, anything that works. They were supposed to leave them alone for the leaders of each group to decide what to do with them, but even the common people around were unsure about what was going to happen next. They wanted as much of an advantage to survive this next stage of the galaxy as anyone else, and Grunt couldn't blame them. When it comes to survival, anything necessary is acceptable.

"There's someone over here!" The N7 stops at the base of yet another destroyed building. Honestly, Grunt would be more surprised if any of them were still intact. None of this place that used to be a city still stood completely unbroken by the attack.

Grunt walks as the human runs ahead. They round the corner with enough speed to challenge Mordin to a race. If the crazy doctor was still around, they could. He rounds the pile of glass the human ran past. They were standing still in front of a building where the top half had fallen inside the rest of it. Around the top that was still standing there were clear singe marks. A reaper's lazer had cut through it. "Where are these humans?"

"They could be anywhere."

"Then how do you plan to find them?"

The N7 soldier gestures towards a building that looks mostly undamaged, aside from a large hole in the roof. "Sounds like the crying is coming from there." They run for the building.

Grunt rolls his eyes but follows. "I hear nothing."

"That's cause you aren't listening. Shut up and pay attention." Grunt's attention snaps back to the N7 soldier. Barely stifling his growl he glares at the stupid pyjack. If they thought he would just follow their demands because he agreed to help then they were in for a surprise. The moment he has his question answered he's gone. Then the human can figure out how to save their own kind alone.

Grunt jumps onto an overturned vehicle in front of the building. The N7 moves around the corner, looking for a door. Leaning forward he could see that the only door is blocked by the wreckage of the upper floors. Grunt watches as they struggle. Smiling, he leans forward. Moving to the right he could see them tearing at the stuff blocking the door.

As he laughs at their struggle, he could hear what sounded like a squealing pyjack from nearby. Grunt shakes his head. The sound persists. It was nearly too high for him to hear. Just low enough to be a consistent screeching in his ears. Growling from annoyance, Grunt leaps from the car, and into the building. He stomps over to the blocked door and headbutts it. Some roof tiles break from under the attack of his head. Chunks of the wall still.

"Climb the wall. You can't get through here." He peers through the little hole his head had made in the doorway. The N7 soldier looks taken aback. Quickly their face gets serious again. With a curt nod, they ran off to the side of the building he had leapt over. Now to find that buzzing gnat.

"Can you hear them now?" N7 asks as they throw themselves over the last portion of the wall. After a cursory glance, they walk over to the corner directly across from Grunt. "It sounds like they're over here. Hello?"

"Please, help us! My leg!" It wasn't the same high pitch shrill from people, but this human was desperate, terrified. Where the two of them stood was mostly clear, aside from the door block. However this building fell in, it covered one side more so than the other. Maybe the roof and upper floors had been weaker on one side. 

"Stand back!" Grunt looks over at the N7. "I'll break through."

"No, wait!" Before they could stop him, Grunt was charging at the wall of debris.

His head breaks straight through the fallen roof. For a moment, his eyes could make out the shape of small squishy humans on the other side. Dust and dirt falls from above. Blinking furiously wasn't enough to protect his eyes. With a growl, Grunt pushes his hands on either side of his head. One strong pull was all it took to free him. 

"You've brought the whole thing down!" N7 shouts as they run up to him. The soldier grabs at the top of the crumpled ceiling his head had gone through. Clearly struggling, they attempt to pull it back. Their effort is wasted as the ceiling doesn't budge. Everything beyond it falls. It all goes crashing down on those trapped behind it. Panic flashes through their eyes. Gritting their teeth, N7 pulls again with both hands. Finally, the large piece of ceiling falls towards them. Grunt steps out of the way as it all goes.

The soldier doesn't even stop to look at the large piece of rubble they moved alone. Their feet are instantly heading towards the floors and ceiling that had collapsed beyond it. They move with purpose as they dig with bare hands. Ugly desperation fills their being. It contorts their face, and causes their body to move beyond exhaustion. Adrenaline was in control. The humans beyond were most likely dead. Why else would it be silent now when their mewling was so loud before?

Grunt shakes his head. N7 looks over at him with a sad, pained expression. Wordlessly they continue. Nothing would stop them. Even in a pointless endeavor. If he wanted to get his question answered this needed to be over. Sighing Grunt stands next to where the N7 was on their knees, pulling scrap after scrap off of the pile.

"I'm sorry." Grunt mutters. It wasn't often he'd admit to a mistake, but the lives of these humans were on his hands. Why are they so delicate? He wasn't even trying to kill them. Grunt fights back the resentment and focuses on his task. Charging through the pile would only damage their bodies more. If he picked it all up, random pieces would fall everywhere. There would be even less room to move. Grunt watches N7 carefully. They were pulling at the pieces one by one. Carelessly they throw them behind their back. Every piece lands by the wall they had climbed over to get in here.

Building that pile would help them carry the bodies out of here. Grunt bends down and beside them. Quietly he copies them. Their actions mirror one another as time quietly passes them by. Ages could've passed them then, and not a word would break this brokered silence. He messed up. Grunt can face that. It didn't mean that he wanted to leave N7 to clean up after him. Especially not alone.

it was still dark by the time they found the first human. A limp arm reaches out through the rubble towards them. A brick the size of their fists rests in their hand. They try to catch the trash falling on top of them. Smart move. Of course, it wasn't enough. The N7 soldier's eyes light up as they see the small hand. They scramble out of their spot towards where Grunt had been working away at the pile. In moments a head is freed. Their legs aren't difficult to find. Grunt winces as N7 finishes uncovering the small human. One of their legs was smashed, and bloody. They may never be able to move it again.

"It's just a kid." The human looked long at the kid. Maybe it was a teen. Shepard had made jokes about him being an adolescent a couple of times back on the Normandy. If he was a human, he would be that small. Shepard was larger, but she looked as small as this kid when Wrex had been carrying her. Her head even fell against the crook of his arm the same way this kid's fell into N7's.

Grunt kept digging as N7 carried them away. As he digs down, the sound of whimpering greets his ears. About a foot behind where the first human was found, two more were holding each other. The woman had her hands folded over the man's head. Only a broken helmet protected her own. Grunt carefully wraps his arms around them. Slowly they use him to rise to their feet. The two were well enough to walk. So Grunt directs them towards the lowest wall and tells them to find the N7 soldier.

As the last human is pulled free, Grunt carries them back over to the others. He rests the short human on a torn rag. They immediately roll over onto their side. An older human the N7 called out to before runs over to look at their latest patient.

Grunt looks around. It was lighter out than it had been. Yet there was no sun out. Was the night here on Earth not consistent? A salarian would know. Humans too, if they lived here. He could probably ask any of the dozen that were around, but they all seemed busy. Grunt ambles over to a random pile of junk. He drops on top of it. Moving around, he forces the pile to form the perfect shape for sitting comfortably in.

What he thought would be one silent moment is ruined by the same soul who keeps pitting themselves against Grunt's peace and quiet. N7 walks happily towards him. They sit down on a fallen wooden pole beside his pile. "You did good work this last night."

"Night?"

N7 smiles. "You kept up for a whole night. Did you not notice that it was starting to get light again?" They look towards the sky. "Sun will probably be up in a few minutes." Grunt looks up. The sky was barely lighter than before. How did this sun work?

N7 smacks the back of his shoulder playfully. "So what was your question buddy?"

Should he even ask now? He'd have to go back to Shepard before even exploring. There was something else he's wondered about for a while now. "Where can I see a shark?"

The human breaks out laughing, loudly. Bet they wouldn't be laughing if he punched them in the face. He squeezes his fists closed. Keep laughing human. "Sorry." They finally manage to get out, in between the chuckling. "They live in the ocean. Well, lived in the ocean. I bet some of them are still alive."

"Where is the ocean?" The N7 soldier gestures towards a vague blurry line in the distance.

"Walk that way, and when you see a lot of water you're at it. I can’t believe that was your question. Almost makes you seem like a tourist instead of a warrior."

Grunt places his elbow on his knee. He will always be a warrior. Attempting to hide his annoyance Grunt rests his head in his hand. At least they were finally getting to his side of the deal. Patience was not something he possessed a lot of. This will all be worth it if he can do this one thing. "Do you know where the waterfall is?"

"Which waterfall?"

Grunt stares at them. How many waterfalls could there be? Maybe the human was thinking too broadly. "One near here."

"Uh, I don't know. I'm not from London."

"What does that have to do with anything. I want to know where the waterfall is."

"A waterfall might lead to the ocean. You could kill two birds with one sightseeing stone. Not that I'd know where they were." Frustrated, Grunt punches his leg. "Calm down buddy. Man, are all krogan as fascinated with water as you are?" Grunt growls in response.

N7 gives him an incredulous look. They stare at him for a few moments before finally saying, "you're serious aren't you?"

"Always. I need to find the waterfall. Someone important to Sh-" he cuts himself off and looks away. "Someone important is there."

N7 gives him a curious look. Their head was half-cocked to the side. For a moment, he expects the human to push the issue. Instead, they sit down next to Grunt. "Well, I hope you find them."

Curious. A trait many species exhibit, but it was rare to meet a human who didn't prod with a long list of questions. "Human, what is your name?"

They smile. "Laxim." Their smile grows larger as they hold out a hand. "My name is Laxim."

"That doesn't sound like a real name." Grunt takes it, giving it a firm squeeze.

Laxim squeezes his own hand right back. Five finger were better for griping, but their own strength was nothing compared to his. "Oh yeah, what's your name big guy?"

"Grunt."

"Well at least that's a real word, not so sure about name."

He growls a little, "it's mine, Laxim."

"That it is, Grunt. Hope you got away from whoever called you that. Krogan join new clans when they become adults, right?"

"Yes."

"Good for you." Laxim smacks the back of his shoulder. It was playful. Grunt smiles, returning the affection. Laxim is pushed forward a little bit from the force of his playful hits. Not all humans are as sturdy as Shepard. Apparently being an N7 didn't help prepare soldiers for joking around with krogans. Grunt wonders how Laxim would react to a headbutt. He laughs at the mental image.

"What's got you laughing, big guy?" Laxim rubs their shoulder.

"Nothing." Grunt smiles at the lie. Laxim just had a full day of helping people. They didn't deserve to feel humiliated so soon after doing so much good. "Just thinking of my clan leader's face when I told him about my creator."

"Your creator?" Laxim looked concerned. "You mean your parents?"

"No. My creator. I wasn't born. Not like other krogans." Stupid human.

"Oh man, were you part of the clones Saren made?"

"No. I was made by Okeer. He was an old, hated warlord." Crossing his arms Grunt rolls his eyes. What was so difficult to understand about this?

"But he was still your dad, right? I'm sorry he's dead."

"Your pity is wrong. I care not for Okeer, but I plan to use all that he gave me." It was better that he was dead. If Okeer lived, Grunt would not be here. He wouldn't be Urdnot.

"You didn't get along with him?"

"I didn't know him. Then when I joined my clan I learned of all the wrongs he had done. Okeer is not my family. Clan Urdnot is."

"So no mom?"

"I was tube born. I didn't even have a father. Just a maker, Okeer. So no." For a moment he almost brings up Shepard, but that wasn't right. She wasn't his mother. Shepard was so much more. She wasn't a mother who birthed him, but she did release him. She taught him right from wrong. Never once did she get in the way of him learning how to be a krogan. Unlike most humans, she seemed to fundamentally understand why he had to do things his own way. Shepard gave him room to grow but saved him countless times.

"I guess krantt are close enough. Honestly, after this war, I can't wait to find out if my grandmother survived."

"Grandmother?"

"My dad's mom. She raised me after my parents died when I was a kid. Guess you can say she became my mother."

"But she did not birth you."

"Yeah well, there are tons of people out there who find family outside of blood. Birthing isn't a requirement to be family. Your battle family aren’t all related to you. It's the same, but like my mom is my grandma. Can you really not think of anyone you look up to?"

Immediately Shepard's face rises up from the depths of his memories. A short moment totally unimportant in the grand scheme of things. The two of them sitting alone in his room on the Normandy. She's cleaning her guns, sitting on a box in the corner of the room. He stands, leaning against the table. Neither of them spoke. Some krogan actually do try to remain close to their actual parents too. Grunt never really considered Okeer to be his real father. While yes, he created him, his body was not the product of Okeer's direct. But he's also not the product of Shepard directly either. So why does he care so much about what she thinks, and what she would do in his situation? Why is it when he thinks of family, her face is the first one that comes to mind. Okeer had little to say about parents, his words and images focused more on legacy. But Shepard, Shepard is like the mother he's never had. He doesn't want to lose her.

She was his battlemaster. His krantt. His, "Shepard."

"Shepard?" Laxim's eyes grow twice as large. Suddenly Grunt was regretting sharing anything with them at all.

"Yes. That Shepard. She freed me before I had a clan." She brought him to his new family.

Their surprise is replaced with a knowing look. Laxim's eyes show sadness as they smile softly. Shepard never looked both sad and happy at once. Why were humans so confusing? Even salarians didn't care to show two contradicting emotions on their faces at once. Not so openly. "I'm sorry for your lost, Shepard was one of our best." They place another hand over the back of Grunt's. Were they trying to overwhelm him? Pathetic. He could still easily beat the human in a contest of grip with only one hand. He waits tensely for Laxim to make their move.

Instead, they shake his hand up and down gently. Once more they look at him like a soldier who just had to deliver news to a dead ally's family. Was this pity? Grunt snorts and pulls his hand free. He didn't need this. He's an Urdnot warrior. Even if Shepard was dead what good would pity do him? Besides, she's not. She's fine. "I don't need your pity." Every part of his muscles urged him to move. To stomp his feet into the ground like a child and correct the misunderstanding. Instead, he grits his teeth. 

"Of course, you don't, but I'm still sorry." Laxim looks at him with a sad expression. So honest. Fucking humans. Of course, they'd believe that Shepard could be killed so easily. Everyone seemed to be able to believe it. Fools. At least it made protecting her easier. His blue eyes drift back towards the breaking dawn. It was rising in the direction of the ship. Was she doing any better now?

"I," his blood rage fights back against his efforts to calm his body back down. "have to go."

No, he didn't have to. He needed to. He should go. Back to her, and where she waited. Where he and the rest of the galaxy waits for her to wake up. "Goodbye," Laxim shouts, but he's already walking away. His gun is holstered on his lower back. There was no need for it now. This was a planet of weaklings. A planet of injured beings. They'd have to stand back up first before they could ever pose a real threat to him. Grunt's breath shakes as he breathes out.

Unknowingly the whole galaxy waits for her to wake up, just like Laxim. What will they do when they know she's alive? Will they push like Hackett? Demand for her to be given to them like the human leaders? Celebrate. Rage against her third coming.

The only thing he knows for certain is that people will care. Every little, weak, wretched body that still holds breath thanks to her sacrifice will care. If they didn't, he'd make them. Anyone who ever dares to question her strength, her will, will be met with the end of his gun if not his hands. The name Shepard won't be forgotten. Grunt will never allow that.

It's not long before the krogan ship returns to his view. The sun was barely higher then when he started his walk back. It rises slower than Tunchunka's. Did she use to watch this sunrise?

He still has so many questions. That waterfall she mentioned so desperately was never found. Instead, he spent his day helping humans. Grunt scratches his head plates. Shepard would approve of his actions. He knows she would. Too bad that didn't make him feel any less like he was wasting time. Time was one thing Shepard could be running out of.

"Grunt, there you are!" Wrex's boisterous voice smacks against his auditory senses the moment he walks through the ship's door. Grunt acknowledges his name being called with a nod. Wrex seemed to be in a good mood. Very good. Something must have happened while he was out. Grunt wonders if Shepard is awake. No, if it was about her Wrex would have sent someone to bring him back. At least he better have. If Shepard woke up and he wasn't there, he was going to be pissed.

"Why were you off from your patrol route?"

"Some human distracted me." It was the truth, even if it was a bit simplistic.

Wrex snorts before grabbing Grunt by the shoulders. "Well, you're back just in time. The engineers have some good news. The FTL will take a little longer to fix. Maybe a month, but then we can head for Tuchunka." Wrex lets him go and looks towards the rest of their crew. "We'll be heading back to our own rock of desolation and rubble soon!"

There's a wave of cheering that moves through the ship like a slow current coasting along a river. They were all happy, excited. Home was within reach, and it would only take a month! One month to fix the ship. Suddenly it feels like such a short time. A month krogan time was a little longer than a month here on Earth. A little over thirty days. That was all he had to try and see as much of Earth as possible. Did he even want to find the waterfall anymore?

Wrex wraps an arm around Grunt's shoulders. He leans in close and whispers, "You should make a stop up top. The doctor says she may still be able to hear us, even if the medication makes her less responsive." Despite all of his acting Wrex wasn't really concerned about Shepard's safety, in moments like these, weakness shines through. Sentiment compels him to tell Grunt to go up there. Not concern, or necessity. Pity, concern, empathy. A swell of emotions that taste like backwash pushing its way down his throat.

Shepard never pitied him. She was there for him, but because she wanted to be. Grunt snorts as he pushes his way past Wrex towards the stairs. He just wants her back.

Maybe that wanting is what causes him to hover outside Wrex's door for minutes on end.

"Shepard." He gives the greeting despite knowing she probably couldn't hear him. It just felt respectful. Grunt looks around to see the doctor was gone. Grunt grabs the chair from the front of the bed and moves it towards the side, next to Shepard. The salarian had found a human pillow somewhere, for her. So now Wrex's helmet rests next to her own, on the counter beside him. If she were to wake up, her first sight would be him, and then the counter. Her own broken, busted helmet within grasping reach. This was the second time she had almost died.

Grunt leans forward in the chair and looks her over. Humans were so fragile. Shepard never seemed delicate though. She was fierce and fought brutally. Her pistols could shoot straighter than a sighted sniper rifle half the time. She went toe to toe with the Shadow Broker, punching his shields away. Shepard survived missions that were legendary not just to the krogan but to other species as well. If she was anything, it was far from fragile, yet here she was. Laying so still he could only tell she was alive due to the little sound her nose makes when she breathes out. He knows Garrus called it whistling once. She did it nearly every few minutes, even though he knows humans breathe a lot more than that.

"I tried to get to the waterfall, Shepard." Even if she can't hear, he can't sit alone in silence anymore. The whistling only made him feel as if he was slowly going insane. "Apparently there are many waterfalls on this planet. Planet-wide travel isn't possible right now. I only have this area to look at, and I don't know where it's at Shepard." It was rather presumptuous of him to think that he'd be able to just go out and find it right away. A waterfall wasn't a common sight on Tuchunka, but Earth was so, so green. And blue, and yellow. It had a lot more variation than Tuchunka. Maybe their planet would have more if past krogans hadn't blown everything up. Could they have waterfalls? There might even be some he hasn't seen.

Grunt sighs and lets his arms hang off his knees. "I don't know why it was important to you Shepard, but I looked. Even met another N7 human." He looks over her, but there's not so much as even a twitch from her. "It's strange, I never realized how few N7s there are before I spoke to them. Always forgot you were one, to be honest." It just never seemed important back then. There was their fight against the collectors, then his rite, the geth, leading Aralakh company, and the reapers. Shepard was a hero, a leader. She was his battlemaster, but he never thought of that N7 symbol on her armor, and casual wear as anything important. He should've cared. If he had paid more attention maybe she would know just how much he respects her.

Grunt hangs his head. He sets his hands along his head. It was heavy, heavier than usual. His mind, in an act of betrayal, replays an old memory. One where he had fallen asleep on Shepard in the mell hall. The chairs had been uncomfortable, but when did that ever stop a krogan from sleeping? He was exhausted, and the warm noodles made him sleepier. How did Shepard ever hold his head up? She sat there until he woke up. Never complaining, or pushing his head off of her. Her omni tool was playing extra-net vids when he woke up again. Shepard's shoulder was covered in his drool. Yet when he woke up enough to move, she smiled at him.

'If I knew you drool like a baby, Grunt, I would've grabbed a towel beforehand.'

Shepard groans. Grunt watches her intently. She doesn't move. There's no more sound coming from her. Not even the whistling from before. Gently, he raises one of her wrists. He rests a finger against it the way Wrex had back in the Citadel's ruins. Unlike Wrex, he wasn't sure what he was looking for. It felt like something was moving beneath her skin, but he wasn't sure. It might be a pulse, but if it was then it's slower than a krogan pulse. What even were humans? How do you even know if they're alive or not? Everything about them was so alien. All of his implanted images and memories were of krogan. History or krogans, their battles, victories, losses, how they've killed their enemies. Nothing about how to care for humans. Even one little thing would be useful now, but all he can recall is their vital points. Open weaknesses humans could do a better job at protecting.

He recalls that their blood is red when it hits the air, but blue under their skin. The opposite of turians. Grunt knows that if you punch him hard enough in the head, they could die. Throats, chests, and stomachs were other soft points. Perfect targets for a krogan to go for. They didn't even have a thick hide, so they could easily get cut. There were no backups to their organs either, so when one is lost, it can mean the end of their journey. Krogan bodies were tougher, stronger, bigger, and smarter in that sense.

Yet Shepard had come so far, and he didn't even know if she had a fever right now or not. He wasn't even entirely sure how to tell. He should've talked to her more. Asked her more. Grunt had questions, he just hadn't cared about the answers. Now he may never get to know. If she doesn't wake up, he won't get to ask her about Earth, her past, and how humans work. While two of those things he can learn on his own, he doesn't want to.

He doesn't want her to leave.

His hearts ache for the first time, ever. This wasn't a feeling he was accustomed to. Emotions weren't his strong point. In fact he rarely even admitted he felt them.

"I wanted to pit my clan against yours one day, Shepard." It's a silly thing to admit. Selfish. "It would have been my honor." She was so strong. Shepard had many flaws. She couldn't hold down her liquor as well as she thought. Her aim with anything aside from a pistol or a sniper rifle was lousy. Shepard would rather charge into battle, head completely vulnerable, than wear a helmet to keep her sight from being 'obstructed'. It made her a better target, but no one had ever been able to shoot her down.

There were so many ways he saw Shepard mess up. Dozens of times Grunt thought he could do better with command. Now, a new feeling wells up inside of him at the memories. Who was he to judge her? What right did he have to challenge her? What if she went through all of this, only to die? Would she remember that time he threatened her with a claw to her spine or would she recall that time she woke him up from a hangover to take him to get noodles?

Why did he care? People die. The weak pass on, and the strong survive. Shepard was so strong though.

"You can't die yet, Shepard." His voice cracks for the first time in his life. At this moment he feels nothing, but that same strange feeling filling up his chest. Not hunger, or anger, or even eagerness. It felt like he was drowning on dry land. As if every step he walks was accompanied by some unseen force. For the first time in his life, he feels uncertain.

Grunt grabs Shepard's hand. He squeezes it tightly within his own. Resting his head against her side he buries his face into the blankets on the bed. He effectively hides his face, his shame.

"Don't die." It's a command, but never has he felt so meek. "There's still so," his voice drifts off. Grunt can't finish his words. What did it matter? It's not like she could hear. Loneliness. His imprints had mentioned it. A feeling so unnecessary all the memories looked down on it. To fight was to be alone. To rule was to rely on none but yourself. The warlords whose lessons had been handed to him thought little of their blood. Fathers and mothers did not matter as much as showing power. They were krantt until a more powerful krantt could be found. He doesn't want another krantt though. Right now, he just wants Shepard.

He'd give anything for her to stand back up and talk to him again.

Chapter Text

How long had he been standing here today? Garrus shakes his head before looking up at the sky. The sun was still staring him down, even though it was starting to sink and he was still here, working. The better question would be, when is he going to stop? Wiping at his tired eyes, Garrus crouches back down. In front of him was the source of his current frustrations. The fact it was doubling as his only distraction was only a coincidence. There was, in fact, no correlation between him needed to fix something to keep his thoughts from Shepard, and this hole in the Normandy that was taking forever to be patched up.

"How long has he been there?" Tali's voice carries well across this planet. It's surprising how easily she can be heard. He always thought that maybe the reason why she was so quiet compared to the rest of them was due to her helmet. Yet on this planet, she sounds as if she's next to him. Even when she's actually standing a few feet away. She's likely talking about him.

That's been happening a lot lately. The crew talking in what they think is hushed whispers. Asking questions about him, but never at him. Garrus lets out another sigh. This was for the best. Worry would get him nowhere. Others worrying about him only distracted them. Focusing on work is the only thing he can do right now. The more he works the faster they'll get out of here.

The faster they'll see Shepard again.

Her name tag still hangs above her bed. When he does rest he holes himself up in there. Somehow her fish tank survived the crash. Someone has to take care of them. He didn't need a reason to camp out in Shepard's old bedroom. None of the crew really cared about rank, or who should be the next in charge. Maybe Javik did, but he was too busy to bring his complaints straight to Garrus.

In fact the old prothean was the one crew member he hasn't heard a word from in days. Liara said he was distracted. A big decision was preoccupying his mind where getting out of here should be. Garrus swears as the grinder sparks. Bits of temporary flames and electricity fly everywhere. A few land, unluckily, on his fingers. 

"Garrus?" Tali's voice again. Still as close as before. Maybe someone finally found the guts to stop treating him like a ghost.

Garrus sets the grinder down in the grass next to his feet. Mandible flaring, his subvocals cry out in annoyance. "What can I do for you Tali?" Out of respect he faces her. At some point she had saddled right up to him. She was so close in fact that his head bumps against her hand. Quickly she pulls it back. Nervously Tali takes a step back. Ridiculous. It's not like he's going to bite her. The fact that there wasn't a single tear in her suit had been the best their luck had struck.

"Did you not hear me?"

When she was asking about him? Yeah he had heard her, but she was clearly talking to someone else. "I'm sorry. I didn't." The lie comes easily. Somehow he's a better liar now then he's ever been. Maybe caring is what makes you a bad liar. Maybe that's why it comes so easily now. It's as good a reason as any.

Tali holds out her hand again. This time to help him up. Garrus takes it without much thinking. Most of his body's operations were running on automatic. Good thing he has all that military training to fall back on. Otherwise this state might be too distracting to keep him going. It was an empty state few could reach. An almost entire separation between body and mind. One where his body will direct him to food when he needs to eat, even though he doesn't feel the hunger. It'll run through the basic motions of living, leaving him only to handle the more complicated processes to worry about. Processes such as thoughts. Especially the ones he wants to avoid entirely. There's down sides to everything.

Tali made a sound like she didn't believe him. Quarians. They could be the best liars of all what with their faces hidden all the time. Yet they come up with all these other little tells. Small noises they make, the fidgeting in their hands, how they stand. They could be the best liars of all, if only they tried.

"I asked if you knew how long Joker's been there." She gestures with her head back towards the broken pilot. Joker sits silently, as still as stone, on the nose of the ship.

"About as long as I've been working."

"Garrus do you even know how long you've been out here?"

Garrus goes to look at his omni-tool. When nothing rises, he remembers why. The blast had disabled most of their tech. The fact that the ship could still run at all was a miracle. Make that three times they struck gold. Three times fate kept the worse case scenario from happening. Tali's not sick. Joker's bones are smashed into a hundred little pieces. The ship could still run. Just not fly. Not yet. He was going to fix that.

"A few hours." Garrus figures it was a decent guess. Best to hazard one instead of ignoring her question altogether. He was busy, not rude. Well not entirely. At least he hadn't thrown out his usual excuse. 'Busy with calibrations'. How many time had he told Shepard that? Every time he pushed her away because he was scared. And of what? Of getting distracted. Of caring more about her then she did him. Of letting himself believe they were serious when she might just want to have fun. Damn it he should have cleared all that up with her. If he had asked what their relationship was before their first time maybe he wouldn't have been constantly worried about smothering her so much when she was freed.

Damn the thought. Even if he had, he still would've worried about that. That's just what he does. Garrus Vakarian worries. About everything, if not everyone. He wasn't some bleeding heart who wanted to save every soul. That description had always fit Shepard best. It was who she is at her core. A bleeding heart. A hero. Someone who sets out to save everybody and even when she knows she won't be able too, everyone that hears her believes she can.

"Garrus you've been out here for," Tali hesitates and looks away. Her gaze goes back to the pilot who had been his one silent, constant companion. "It's been over a day Garrus."

What? Impossible. Garrus looks back at the sun. It was sinking not rising. If it had been dark he would've realized. He can't work in the dark. "Tali don't joke."

"I'm not." She points at something above him. Garrus follows her hand to see a lamp light stretched out from the top of the Normandy to hang over him. It's stretchable neck goes just far enough to cast a little bit of light on the hole and his hands. "Liara set that up yesterday afternoon. Has Joker really been out here that long?"

As far as he was aware, he had been. They started the day together. Yesterday. Everyone thought Shepard was dead. Their thoughts were a constant siege against his confidence. Garrus could see it in their eyes. In the way they look at him so pitifully. He was a lover in denial in their minds. In everyone's. Joker was the only person who didn't show his pity. The pilot was too busy with his grief to judge Garrus for his faith. He grieved for EDI, for his sister, and for Shepard. Of course their luck hadn't been enough for a fourth miracle. Joker lost everyone, but them. His entire family was dead.

"I'll get him to go back inside."

"Thanks." Finally tali let's go of his hand. Garrus hadn't even realized she had been holding it that entire time. "You both need to eat." She adds before walking away. She wraps her arms back around herself as she goes. Shrinking in. Tali has a bad habit of making herself small when she feels out of place or nervous. Which emotion is it this time? Garrus looks away from her and back towards Joker. He didn't have time to help her. As much as he may want too. He had to get them flying, and now take care of Joker. With one more heavy sigh Garrus starts his climb up the side of the Normandy.

It takes him only about a minute to get to Joker. "It's time to eat buddy." The human doesn't even react to his presence. So Garrus sits down beside him. Joker doesn't bother moving to make room for him on the window. Garrus precariously places himself on the very edge on the cockpit window. His ass and legs rest under Joker's elbow, next to his legs. Garrus leans back on his arms, while keeping his knees straight up. His arms go back a little beyond Joker's bent elbow which was propped up under his head. Both of his arms were like that actually. He's never seen a human lay like that before. Usually Shepard's arms would go numb if they were under her head for too long. Joker seems un-phased by such things. Maybe it was just a Shepard thing. Not a human one.

Garrus digs one of his hands into his armor pocket. He pulls out a handful of snack bars. Carefully he sorts through the smashed pile. Eventually he finds one levo, and one dextro bar. Good thing he started carrying around extra of both ever since he started working with humans. Some things from boot camp were still useful. Even after the end of the world as they know it. Opening Joker's the Turian wraps the plastic around the bar like a handle. He makes sure to even fold the extra ends around the bar itself before tucking it inside. A meaningless habit Shepard used to do when she eats them. Well meaningless for turians. He offers the bar to Joker, casually holding up his own, unopen one. Joker won't be eating alone. If he eats at all.

Joker doesn't move to take it so Garrus leaves the bar on his chest. Then he returns to his own snack, struggling to open it. How ridiculous, human bars he could tear into so easily. Yet the ones made for his own kind continue to elude him. The more strength you use, the less it does. The more he tugs and tears the less it stretches. Finally, frustrated, Garrus uses his teeth and rips the top off. Fucking plastic.

A laugh next to him eases his own anger. Garrus looks back to see Joker, not smiling, but stifling a chuckle. It was nice. Without a word between them the two eat their food. It was the first time in a long time that silence felt comfortable. Garrus's eyes drift down to look into the cockpit. A worn down pillow, and an old knitted blanket lay on the floor behind EDI's seat. A seat still very much filled by her deactivated body. Much like him he's sleeping in an old lover's place. Some desperate attempt to reconnect.

It's a desperate sight. At least Garrus is afforded some privacy for his wallowing in Shepard's room. Everyone could see Joker's. Maybe that's why he moved up here. A chance for some fresh air away from all the looks. Sometimes even with the privacy it was too much for him.

"I'm glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor. Really it's all human pilots have going for them when you think about it."

"Better then working ourselves numb like some bone headed militaristic freaks I know."

Garrus laughs. It wasn't Joker's best quip but it was something. A gift better then the comfortable silence.

"Joker?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll get the ship flying again."

"And then I'll get us home." Back to a life with chances. Where he can search for Shepard, and Joker can look for some way to recover EDI. Her body may not function anymore, but there was always a chance the AI was hiding inside of it. Somewhere. Unlikely but it's only as unlikely as Shepard being dead.

Garrus has never been one for falling back on feelings. In this he's a lot like most other turians. Facts, calculous, the hard realities of life and war. Those were the constants in his mind. Constants that were dwarfed by his belief that Shepard was alive. She has to be. There's no way she isn't.

In this way, like most others, Joker and Garrus were polar opposites. The hopeful pilot able to get through anything, and the turian ex-cop always believing in the worst case scenario. Yet here they both were. Sitting on the cockpit of the Normandy. At home, missing their loved ones in two entirely different ways.

"Joker, how would you feel about sleeping in a real bed?"

Chapter Text

The first thing Shepard registers is that she was alive. Her body was in pain. Every breath wreck havoc in her chest. Rebuilt lungs fight to push the oxygen throughout her body. They felt weaker then a chain smoker's. Or she assumes that's what this pain is like. Still if she's breathing, she can survive.

Her next step would be more difficult. Opening her eyes. As Shepard fights to open them she watches lights dance around on the other side. Different levels of bright lights dance just beyond her skin. Some shined so clearly that they left their marks, shadows of their shapes. Markers of their existence after they left. Had she left any marks?

Never had her eyelids ever felt so heavy. Just to flutter her eyelashes took strength Shepard thought she'd never need. This was just sad. Commander Shepard, the first human spectre, can't even open her eyes. How pathetic can someone get?

At least she had defeated the reapers though. They won. All of the losses, all the sacrifices, the amounted to something. Even if the price they paid had been too much. It wasn't everyone. They could still rebuild. The krogans were cured. Wrex was going to be a father! To many, many children. A laugh climbs up her throat. It never makes it to her lips, welling up and dying I'm the middle of her neck instead. The dead laugh itches, but she can't move her hand. Shepard couldn't even part her lips just enough to let a weak cough out. First things first. She has to stop thinking about what she can't do. Focus on one thing. If she can open her eyes she can register what's going on.. Knowledge is everything. How else is she going to know what her chances of survival are?

Her mind clings to that thought. To one word specifically. Survival. Who all was walking away from this fight? Was her crew alright? Did the Normandy get clear of the fight? Had they even tried to run? Knowing Joker he wasn't going to turn tail easily. Pride was his greatest vice. Well right after his shitty jokes. Another laugh causes her throat to constrict.

Damn, no more jokes. Any more of that and she may choke herself out here. Colander Shepard had not fought her way from Earth to Menae, to Tuchunka and back just to die from her own shitty jokes. Joker would never let her live that down. Or his ghost wouldn't when he found out.

Already she can picture it. Herself standing at an ethereal bar. Lights of every color hanging right above the wall filled with a glass of every liquor in existence. There's no bartender, but they wouldn't need one. She could always serve the drinks one the rest arrived. Fuck, Mordin was probably already there. Expirmenting with the drinks no doubt. She'd take over, but let him still decorate the counter with seashells. Joker would get there, old and grey. Probably bald too due to that cap of his. He'd be utterly different, but she'd recognize him right away. Shepard will always recognize one of her crew. No matter what.

'So the great Commander Shepard was here the whole time!" That smug smile would fill his face. His tone would be jovial and yet undeniably filled with snark sarcasm. "Who did you in? Was it the final reaper attack? Did one of the husks get there claws through that trusty old N7 armor of yours? Ah let me guess, it was the blast!" He'd wobble over to the bar, before pulling out a seat next to her. "Tell me honestly Shepard, did you survive the final attack? Jumped off somewhere and lived a peaceful life away from all the brass tacks in the alliance."

Then she'd have to tell him the truth. With a sad, embarrassed smile she'll say, "Nope. Choked on a laugh."

"What? The great Commander Shepard done in by comedy. Who'd of thought it?"

"It was an awful joke too."

"Damn and all these years I went around using all of my best lines. Never knowing that one too many could've ended you and lost us the war before it ever even started."

"Thank goodness your jokes weren't that bad."

"I remember you saying that and I quote," he'd sit up straighter and use a tone barely mimicking her own. "Joker, you're jokes are as rough as a turian's backside. Trust me I would know."

"You're never gonna drop that, are you?"

"Never Commander."

She tries to smile at the mental image now. Mordin would slide in with new drinks for them to test out. They would sit and chat forever, waiting for the others. Saving a spot for Thane's and Ashley's visits.

Damn. If she keeps on imagining the afterlife she might just send herself there. Focusing on her ragged, uneven breaths Shepard tries to open her eyes again. They still don't budge. Man, and here she was, her last thoughts of a shitty joke. Garrus hadn't even found that line funny when he heard EDI's recording of that conversation later.

Where was he now? Alive, no doubt. She didn't send him away just so he could go down with the ship. No. If the crew's life was really in danger Joker would get them out of there. Pride be damned. Though he'd still have jokes, surely. She can't even imagine him flying the ship without a witty remark or a half smile on his face. No, they were safe. Garrus was out there. She just has to get up and find him. 

The Turians may even be taking Palaven back. With the reapers done they could start rebuilding. Humans too. The asari may even be traveling back to Thessia in large flocks. Everyone was going home.

Everyone.

Her heart was probably aching. Not that she could tell, what with all the other pains her body was fighting to live despite of right now. All of the survivors were going home now. All of them, but her. Where would her home be? The apartment on the Citadel was undoubtedly destroyed now. Just like the Normandy SR-1. The SR-2 was who knows where, and if her crew doesn't find her soon, then that meant they were pretty fucking far out of reach. Maybe even on the other side of the planet. Joker could've even followed orders and left for the rendezvous point. Which if he did it would put them leagues away. However unlikely it is that he left.

Fuck. The truth was her home had always been with her crew. Ever since they took down Saren. Home was late night conversations with Garrus as he tinkered with the Mako, or the ship's guns. It was Wrex hiding his ryncol in the most obvious spots after he dared her to take a shot and she downed half a bottle before collapsing. He was laughing when she woke up, "I didn't expect you to do it! The quads on you human." Still he made an attempt to keep it away from her form then on. Even if it was a half assed one.

Home was listening to Tali rattle on about the different kinds of engines there are in the flotilla. It was her sketching them out by description alone as Tali enthused over her technical loves. It was the laughs the two shared as they discussed possible upgrades to them. As passionate as only two engineers could be. It was Kaidan's mandatory game nights. Poker, war, crazy 8s, bullshit, all the classic card games that he had actually brought real decks for. It was the silent shots she toasted to Ashely as she sent emails to her remaining family. Home was seeing Jack grow and find herself able to care for others again. Mordin singing for the crew. Thane and Shepard showing Kolyat around the Normandy. Kolyat in turn showing them around his apartment. Liara stopping by for late night visits, playing music, and doing paperwork as Shepard worked out.

It was Joker asking her up to the cockpit just for a chat. EDI asking questions that would make others blush, and Joker leave once. Dr. Chakwas holding a hand to her forehead to check her temperature when they'd meet outside the medbay.

Miranda's short and sweet emails asking after her health. Jacob's smile as he talks about being a father.

It was Grunt. She wanted to throw him a surprise birthday party on the anniversary of the day she let him out of the tube. It would've been the largest, loudest, krogan bash to ever be had. Guns, drinks, and an unending buffet. All of his favorite things.

She already missed so much during the six months she was locked up back on Earth. At least Wrex took good care of him. She knew he would. After all, Grunt was an Urdnot now. That's why after everyone else was dropped off the ship she personally took him back to Tuchunka. He argued for hours. Wanted to fight for the right to stay, to fight her enemies that wanted to force her into prison. She made him leave. There was no way Shepard would take him back to Earth. He'd just end up paying for her crimes, and he wouldn't take it without a fight. Even if they were her enemies. Even if she asked him too. No, making him stay with Wrex was for the best, and now.

'Fuck!' she mentally shouts at her thoughts. Now she may never see him again. At least he hadn't still been mad at her when they met back up at the Citadel. He was far more excited to see her on Utukku then she expected. The arm slaps, the little grab he did pulling her slightly closer, stopping just before it was a full hug. That moment in front of his company made her think that they were going to be okay. That he had forgiven her. Now she couldn't even open her eyes, let alone search for him again.

Shepard couldn't search for home. Even if it was still there.

'Open!' she mentally screams as for the first time a shadow passes over her eyes.

What feels like two arms cradles her head, and body. They're gentle. Far more gentle then they had ever been before. The shadow passes by and light filters in through her eyelids again. Someone had her. She'd been found. Now more then ever she has to open her eyes. Not out of fear that it might be an enemy, but because she knows those arms all too well.

Painstaking Shepard focuses all of her strength into her eyelids. With an amount of will, bolstered by her new companions she starts to succeed. Unfiltered light fills the crack. Breathing twice as hard as before Shepard keeps it going. She fights back the urge to blink as she opens her eyes. Fearful that they may stay shut if she were to close them again.

Finally after what feels like an eternity. Shepard's eyes open up. Instead of the krogan she had expected a familiar and shocking sight greets her. There in the flesh, carrying her was Alex. Her first and oldest friend. The kid who ran through the streets with her before they joined the red suns together.

Shepard opens her lips to speak. Yet her body's still to weak to listen fully. Already she had forgotten how much effort she used up just to open her eyes.

Alex looked down at her and smiled. Their dark brown eyes possessed a familiar comfort she's missed for years now. "Should've been more careful back there Shepard. I've never seen you take a fall that hard before."

That's right. They'd been climbing up the waterfall again. Shepard wanted to show off. Wanted to impress them. Their first family. The one that had found her. Shepard's previous younger sibling. Suddenly most of her pain melts away. Along with the strain of moving her lips to speak.

"It'll take more then a simple fall to take me out."

"Uh huh. We'll see if you're still saying that after we get back. I'm not letting you walk on that ankle before Roberts checks it out."

Shepard lifts one of her short legs up. Her left ankle was indeed red and swollen. Looks like she wouldn't be going out on patrols for the next day or so. Roberts is going to chew her out.

"I mean come on Shep. You're the one who said you're the big sister. You should be more careful. It's supposed to be the big sibs that carry the younger ones home when their injured."

"Most siblings aren't two months apart. You can carry me for once." Shepard holds her nose up in a way snobby girls always did in vids. This was an upfront! A totally unnecessary call out.

"Yeah well don't expect me to cover your chores duties for you too."

Shepard laughs. "Never Alex. We both know you just read through patrol duty anyways."

Alex rolls their eyes. "Yeah, not like there's anything else to do during patrol." She smacks a hand against Shepard's side. "And I told you to stop talking about that. It was once!"

It was Shepard's turn to roll her eyes. "You could always, ya know, keep an eye out for our rivals."

"Nah. Besides I'm not a fighter. That's your job Shepard."

"Yeah. You better hope my ankle heals real fast so I can start protecting your butt again soon."

Alex stops walking as they hold up their arms so Shepard slides closer to their chest. She giggles as Alex groans from the effort. Alex glares at her and Shepard pretends that she never laughed at all. After a few more minutes Alex stops again. "Home sweet home!" They announce. Shepard follows their gaze to see the old, ramshackle apartment complex the reds were letting them live in. Shepard can see their bedroom window on the fourth story now. The wooden planks covering the broken window were on the inside of the building instead of on the outside like the others. A mistake Alex made when they first moved in. Shepard thought it was cute so she hadn't stopped them. Now she has to wrap plastic over the wood to keep water from slipping in during rainy days.

Totally worth the extra effort.

Shepard drops her head against Alex's shoulder. "My hero," she says sarcastically. Alex rolls their eyes again but carries her inside. As they cross the threshold of the front door, Shepard let's our a weary sigh. "It's good to be home."

-

Alex definitely wanted her back on her feet again. Shepard's dearest friend was very vocal about her recovery. Everything she was doing was 'for her 'sweetest Shepard's quick recovery'. For the first time in years Shepard was allowed to sleep in. When it happened, she was so exhausted she didn't even have a dream. Which was disappointing. If ever there was a time to let her imagination take over it would've been the one instance in which she was getting more then three hours of sleep. Now she can't even remember why she had been sleeping so little. It felt so refreshing!

When she woke up Alex had already wrapped a cool wet rag around Shepard's twisted ankle. Somehow she even found a can of Sprite. Alex had also cooked a can of chicken noodle soup and had the bowl sitting next to her bed. Clearly her friend hadn't expected her to sleep so long either, cause the bowl was lukewarm now. It had been sitting on the one dresser in their room, next to their bed for at least a few minutes now. At least.

"What are you doing now Alex?" Alex was in fact tuning their one shared omni-tool to a classical music channel. Suddenly strings were loudly scraping across metal wires throughout the room.

Shepard quickly covers her ears. Alex looks at her apologetically before changing the channel. With urgency they swipe until they found a more peaceful channel. "Sorry, guess that was a hanar station. They have everything finely tune to the extremes. You know, cause they listen underwater apparently. It sounds different down there."

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear Al. That's probably just another lie people share so they have an excuse to play shitty music." Gullible. That was the one word that fit Alex to a T. They were always quick to believe everyone, and everything. One time the two of them got to meet a krogan. The old merc told them how krogan's can lift up entire buildings by themselves. Shepard called bullshit, but Alex hushed her. They wanted to hear more. Krogans could tear down a whole building by themselves, but lift one? Never.

"Here we go." Alex chirps happily as violins and cellos start to play in rhythmic harmony together.

Roberts probably told Alex that all this stuff would help Shepard heal faster. Most of it was just to keep them busy. Shepard would stake her life on that. Never had she heard of chicken soup curing a sprain. He probably just didn't want Alex going around and wasting medi-gel to heal her. Shepard can't blame him. It would be a waste. The chances of it even working on a wound that wasn't a cut were unlikely too.

The cellos drop away as violas step in. They clash and push back against the violins. Strings combating against each other. Whining, struggling, fighting for dominance. Just like they do. Tiny voices screeching to be the ones on top. Everyday it seemed like more people join in on the violence. The youngest member a kid two years younger then them. Twelve. His name was Albert. His parents must've hated him before he ran away and joined up. If the name wasn't enough evidence then the scar on his neck absolutely was. How long would they be trapped here? She could see stars, and there on the helm of a ship was her. Older, stronger, wearing a uniform that wasn't the Red Suns.

"Shepard?" Alex's voice was loud, and nervous. Shepard opens her eyes. She hadn't even realized she shut them. The image had been so clear. It felt so real. As if it had already happened. So much so that she almost wonders if she can see the future.

But that's a childish thought, and she'll be turning fifteen soon. Alex too soon after her. They needed to get out of here, because if they turn fifteen within the red suns, play time would be over. They wouldn't just have to go on patrols, or help out Roberts in his makeshift clinic. Fifteen is when you commit, fully, to the gang. Alex won't get away with slacking on patrol anymore. They won't be allowed to just help organize Roberts shelves of stock. Every day they were closer to being trapped here. Closer to the inevitable. What was the worse aspect of all of this, was that she couldn't shake the feeling that each day brought Alex closer to their death. She had to get them out of here. Shepard needs to get them out of here.

Grabbing Alex's hand, Shepard pulls them closer. "I was just thinking about how our birthdays will be soon. What do you want?" Shepard smiles her most confident one yet. There's no need to worry Alex. Not when they already have so much to fret over. Alex rolls their eyes again and walks away. As they move Shepard catches the shape of a woman standing beside Alex. Her hair was long and black, her armor was a deep blue color. An alliance insignia across each of her shoulders. The woman watches Alex with a look of pity and sadness. Then she turns her gaze on Shepard and mouths, 'It's okay'. Those brown eyes of her were hauntingly sweet.

It scared Shepard. She scared Shepard. Triggered some deep fear, and regret. Of course she goes for her gun, but before she could lean far enough towards the dresser to pick it up, the woman was gone.

"I'm sorry." The muttering stops before Shepard can even register that it's her talking. "I'll protect you this time. I'll protect both of you this time." Alex didn't seem to register her words. In fact her oldest friend was completely enthralled by the music coming from their omni-tool. She dances calmly in a corner of the room. Never realizing that a horrible omen had visited them.

-

Shepard's sprain healed quickly. It only took about two days, like Roberts had expected. During that time she had to do all of Alex's chores. Payment for Alex having to lug her heavy ass around. Shepard doubted the price. Clearly it was too steeped, but there was no arguing with Alex. They simply tied up their long, brown curls into a ponytail, and walked out.

Now that she was healed, Shepard was back to doing just her chores. Not a day too soon too, as Alex had to do supply runs for Roberts today. Shepard only had patrol. Her favorite tasks with the Red Suns.

Just as she started her route it seemed as if things went wrong. The patrol lead, Tiels got a call on her omni-tool. Roberts sounded stressed. He was practically shouting as he called all units back to the base. It hadn't been his call. He wasn't in charge. This was all wrong. Shepard made a move to look at her own omni-tool. It wasn't there. That's right Alex kept it today. They needed it for errands.

Unable to stop herself, Shepard foolishly ahead of her patrol unit. Dashing like a gazelle attempting to outrun a cheetah, Shepard hurries for the clinic. As she runs the gunshots grow louder. Her blood boils under her skin. Alex was going to be okay. They had to be okay. Every part of Shepard screams as she rounds the corner of their apartment complex. The whole front of it was a warzone.

Looking around, Shepard tries to see Alex. A voice in her mind whispers, 'we seen worse' as she watches her gang and another gun each other down. The lack of a rock sitting at the bottom of her stomach would agree with her. She's seen worse. Survived worse, even if she can't remember it. Taking a deep breath Shepard pulls out her Raikou pistol. There was one way out of here, and she was going to carve it.

Arms steady, Shepard fires one quick shot. It's a warning at an adult blocking her way. She gives them a chance to run away, instead they aim at her. 'Foolish kid!' the voice shouts as she takes another deep breath. Time seems to freeze as Shepard takes a deep breath. Carefully she aims her pistol at their head, and for a second the Raikou's black paint turns white. A light flashes across the man's face, framed by metal. Her eyes narrow, as her heart skips a beat. When her finger bends, the metallically framed light is gone and the shocked man barely reacts before the bullet flies through his skull.

Shepard doesn't pause to think about how that was her first kill. It came a month early, but somewhere in her heart she always knew she'd have to kill at some point. Holding her pistol straight, Shepard aims specifically for the few souls blocking her path towards the front doors. The ones set on aiming for the building as their allies try to take out the Red Suns. By the time she makes it there, it's clear that the reds were getting pushed back. Any second now and those assholes would be inside.

Pushing her way through the door, Shepard throws a leg back. It slams shut. Dust falls from the top of the door pane. Shepard runs into a hall before pressing her back against the wall. Reloading her pistol she mutters a curse. They'll have to find a new place to live. That comes after escaping with their lives. When she looks back up from her weapon Shepard's frozen still. Standing silently right in front of her was the woman from before. Now her blue armor was a dark, blood red color. Typically Shepard would be pissed. Not even a ghost had any right to get between her and Alex, but for some reason the thought of being angry with her hurt Shepard's heart. Whoever this ghost was, she knows her. Somehow.

"Alex!" Shepard shouts, still staring at the ghost. The woman's black hair is pulled back into a loose bun by some invisible force. She turns her head as it moves, seemingly unbothered by the change. Shepard follows her gaze into a room in the opposite direction of the clinic. For a moment she considers running away. From the ghost, form the fight. Shepard could feel her legs urging her to move towards the clinic. Towards Alex, but a choked sob stops her. That voice was to familiar to forget. It didn't come from the ghost.

Shepard holds her gun up again and closes her eyes. Willing herself to be brave she runs past the wall with the bullets flying through it. At the end she trips, and slides the rest of the way on the carpet. Right past the ghost she went. Well would have went if the ghost wasn't already gone. With a push, Shepard's back up on her feet and running through the doorway to the open room. "Alex!"

"Shepard!" Small hands leap out from the darkness of a closest she hadn't noticed before. Those hands pull her close, pressing her chest against a head.

"Alex." Shepard's voice was a mix of relief, and concern. Alex was hunched over in the closest, pressing their head deep into Shepard. "I'm glad you're okay." Shepard kisses the top of their head. Their grip around her tightens. In this moment the gunfire outside almost disappears. Never entirely though. They still had to escape.

So gently Shepard pushes Alex back, and meets their gaze. "We've gotta get out of here. I'm going to cover you, and you'll run away from the fight."

"But the Red Suns."

"Will never know. We'll go to the waterfall. Just us, and we'll sneak back in the aftermath. Everything will be too chaotic for them to notice."

She could see the gears moving in Alex's head. Uncertain, but willing to try. That was her sibling. They were never really willing to give anything a chance, but they trusted Shepard. Trusted her plans. Shepard pulls them close again and holds them tightly. "I promise we'll make it out of this."

'You shouldn't make promises like that,' whispers that voice again. 'After this, you'll make them again, but it never works.'

Shepard turns to yell out at voice, but it goes silent. Gone from her head. Just like the ghost had gone from the hall earlier. Once more she closes her eyes.

When they open again, she's outside again. Confusion hits her like the Mako crashing front first. Shepard looks around to see if Garrus has another complaint about her driving. Instead it was just humans everywhere. The guns in their hands are firing. Bullets should be flying, but she can't see them. No matter how closely she looks they aren't there. Something's wrong here.

"Shepard!" Alex's scream calls her attention back. Lowering her gun, Shepard doesn't question when had she raised it again.

Alex was running. They gave one last look back over their shoulder. Those familiar, dark brown eyes are filled with tears. Shepard turns back towards the fight and raises her white pistol again. She holds off the rival gang, while backing away slowing. 'Run! You have to get to them! Get to them now!' Goes the voice in her head again. Desperation drips off every word. That's why she knows it's telling the truth.

Shepard turns away from the fight, and for the first time of many, she runs towards death. 'You aren't going fast enough. You won't reach them. I have to make it this time!' The voice shouts, growing louder and louder as Shepard heads for the waterfall.

Someone shoots her. Pain erupts from her shoulder, and then her leg. It grows, and changes, until her entire body hurts. It feels as if someone had tried to tear all of her flesh from her skin. Still she runs. All the way from the apartment to the waterfall. To that stupid little dip in the river that was their private spot. It was barely taller then they were. It feels tiny compared to Shepard when she gets there. As if she's looking down on it instead of up.

But no matter where she looks, or how she looks at it, there's no where for Alex to hide around it. This is just a dip in a river. The closest either thought they would ever get to seeing a waterfall. Tiny, compared to the ones on Sur'kesh.

Shepard climbs up the top. It takes two quick steps, and an easy pull. Last time when she sprained herself it had taken six. At least she thinks it was six. Shaking her head, she pushes those thoughts aside. They were useless, distracting. She needed to find Alex. They needed her. Shepard looks around, up and down the river, and even over all the rocks within it. No sign of them. Screaming, Shepard calls out their name, but there's no answer. Terrified she runs up the river. Further along, and away from the apartment.

As she reaches the end, where the water starts to level out, and the rocks get larger and blurier, and the world around her grows a little dimmer, and plain, Shepard stops. Holding her hands over her eyes she lets out an uncontrolled cry. The tears fall as heavy as the stream they land in.

Alex. Where was Alex? The voice returns and tries to help her. It warns her of what she already knows. 'You're too late.' Smacking her hands against her knees Shepard stands up straight. She looks again, scanning everything in the land, and even beyond it. Deep into that white void.

Movement within her peripheral vision causes her to turn fast on her heels. Despite having just gotten over her sprain. In spite of all the pain coursing through her body. She runs into the river. Swims across it to the other bay. As she crawls her way onto the next bank Shepard slowly opens her eyes. When the water slows to a drip across her lashes, she forces her head to look up. There, in black armor was the woman again. This time her eyes are sad. Full of pity. They are still brown, but darker. Her hair is pulled back into a tight bun now. She hangs her head, even as she looks Shepard in the eyes. Her long legs are standing straight, held together, at attention. This woman was a soldier. She knew death. Just like Shepard does.

Slowly, she moves her head towards the trees. Shepard understands without her having to say a word. Tired, bleeding knees scrap across cold stones. Once more Shepard pushes herself to stand up. The pain is greater now then anything she's ever felt. IT was almost as if every part of her body was burning alive. Even her face felt tired, and warm despite having just been in freezing water. Maybe this is what it means to be a red head. Even as water clings to your hair, your body burns. Maybe it's her birthright.

Shepard doesn't stop as she walks past the ghost and into the small gathering of trees. "Thank you." It's a small matter, thanking the dead, but it felt important. She deserved this much.

'She deserves much more.' States the voice, heart broken. Just as hers was about to be.

Two steps in and she sees the blood on the ground. It's exactly where she expects it to be. As the land had grown dimmer, less detailed up the river, this spot was in vivid detail. Right down to the number of leaves on the trees. If she wanted too, Shepard could count them all.

Instead she looks ahead of her, not above, and no longer below. She knows what will be there, that Alex was shot when she wasn't looking. That they hadn't escaped unharmed. There, bleeding from their stomach was Alex. She's curled up between the roots of the tree at the end of the clearing. Directly across from Shepard.

Crossing the clearing felt like a blurry second. In a flash she was lifting Alex into her arms. Cradling them against her chest. Wishing for just a moment to talk with her. A way to say goodbye.

Despite having been filled with pain before, now it melts away. Her face still feels saggy, but her body no longer feels as if it's burning. Instead she's trapped with the emotional whirlwind of fighting for control within her. Each one wants to be expressed. Every part of her body wants to react. Instead she steels her nerves and holds Alex close.

Shepard remembers this day. As if waking from a dream she realizes this has happened before. It was already done. Alex was gone. This was the day she decided to quit the reds. As she hold Alex's cold body in her arms, remembering the man she had killed before, Shepard made a decision she already knew she would.

She'll join the alliance, as soon as she's old enough. In a flash she's standing in front of the recruitment officer. 18, tired, angry, and determined. Everything the officer wanted in his new recruits. They were the kind that never leave.

In those final moments within that tiny little patch of trees Shepard made a promise. To do better. She promised to keep trying, and do better, get stronger, and smarter. To save the next ones.

'But that was a lie.' The older voice announces. 'You go to Akuze and then everyone dies. Everyone but you and Toombs, and then he hates you.' It grows louder in her head. All the while Alex's body steadily goes colder. 'Then you go to Virmire. You promised to do better, but still people died.' The world around her continues to dim. 'The citadel attack, Saren, Cerberus, and then the war. Again and again you lose people. They die. It doesn't matter how much better you try to do. They're still dead.'

Shepard buries her face into Alex's long curly hair. There's no stopping the tears now. Her vision blurs as everything around them disappears. The voice is so loud now she fears her ears might burst. 'YOU FAILED!'

She knows she did. No matter what she did people died. People always die. You can't save everyone, but she wanted too. Shepard's always wanted too.

"Ma'am." It's a different voice calling to her this time. Shepard pulls her face away from Alex. Strands of their hair cling to her wet face. A lone hand was before her. Open in offering. Shepard follows the arm, back to that familiar face. The ghost from before. "It's time to get out of here. Ma'am." She adds the words as an afterthought, and for the first time in what feels like centuries Shepard smiles.

"Hey Ash."

Everybody dies. That's a lesson Shepard knows well. Everyone else dying as she makes it through. That's how it always goes. Being the lone survivor was her true birthright.

Chapter Text

This time the humans do not come unannounced. They gave a heads up of two days in advance. If it was because they wanted to do thing right, and not insult him, or because the council was tagging along this time, Wrex wasn't sure. Either way he spent the day getting his ship in order. A week. That was all the time left before their ship was up and able to fly again. He'd play politics for now. Only to keep them from trapping him and his people here. Not that he's planning to play by all of their rules. Letting them show up was enough of a compromise. There's no way he's going to go about the game by their rules.

"Qrax!" Qrax jumps at his name being shouted. He was a younger krogan, only around two hundred and fourteen years. Still as jumpy as a sunburnt pyjack. Here Wrex thought that maybe this war would've been enough to toughen up his spine. Obviously it hadn't. Rolling his eyes Wrex holds up a hand. "You aren't in trouble." Immediately that spin of his straightens up, as if it wasn't made of salarian excrement. Or what was that human food again? The one that's made from bones. Wrex closes his eyes as he thinks. "I need you to welcome our unwanted guests. Bring them to the meeting room when they get here." The younger krogan nods and runs off. If that tail of his was any longer he'd be tripping on it between his legs.

Wrex heads for the meeting room that was closer to the front of the ship. If the front was blown off then there'd be no need for anymore meetings anyways. He'd just give commands to whoever survived. The last of them would land the ship somewhere else. Tear it open, gut it for tech, and survive. Just as krogan always do.

Wrex takes a seat at the back of the room. A small circular, pit in the metal floor rests squarely in the middle. A pair of green krogan carry a table in. They drop it carelessly in the pit. Now it looked more like what their guests would be expecting. Too bad they couldn't settle any argument with a quick death match. His chair wasn't as comfortable as his throne, but it was sturdy. It doesn't give way under his weight. Nor does it squeak as he shifts around. That was the worse part about human vessels. Their seating was never prepared for a krogan, unless it was made of metal. Even then he needed a little bit of luck to find something comfortable. No this modest, stone chair was enough for him.

When the door opens a group of humans start to file in. Hackett was at the lead. The council right behind him. What was left of them. Perhaps they were giving him some respect due to the victory on Earth with the crucible. More likely they were using him as a shield. Wrex stares him down.

"Do you have something you want to tell me Urdnot Wrex?"

"Besides get off my ship? No, I don't." He leans further back in his chair. Primarch Victus' mandibles flinch at his words. Councilor Tevos has a new gash going down the right side of her face. It's pretty for a scar. Fresh, and light blue. Sparatus was right behind her. He positions himself perfectly between Victus and Tevos. Barely he leans just a little closer to Tevos. Strange, but unimportant in the long scheme of things.

Hackett rests his hands behind his back. Measured steps end at the edge of the thrown in table. Predictable. More and more every day the humans prove themselves to be easily understood. They're movements not as erratic as turians claim. They aren't chaos incarnate. They're not even as dangerous as most other species. It's only the rare soldier they produce that is truly powerful, unpredictable, and interesting. If it wasn't for Shepard the humans would've been wiped out. Wrex suspects it would have just been the krogan and Asari fighting at the end.

Good thing it didn't come to that. He'd have hate to fight with only them in the end. The turians were bad and the salarians are the worse, but at least they acknowledge the hands they had in the genophage. Asari like to think themselves above it all. Their hands were clean. Such a pretty lie. Just like their views of asari superiority.

"What evidence do you have that Shepard is alive?" Primarch Victus crosses his arms over his chest.

"Call it a hunch." Those wrinkles deepen around Hackett's eyes as he answers.

"Well your hunch is wrong. Guess not all humans can have instincts as sharp as the commander's were." Wrex hated this. Talking about her in the past sense. As if she's long since dead, but if they were to leave here the krogan needed these fools to believe it. For as long as Shepard lives, they need to think she's dead. He almost laughs at the thought.

"Wrex, antagonizing your allies will only bring the krogan more trouble." Primarch Victus sighs as he shakes his head. Clearly Wrex wasn't the only one who didn't want to be here.

"Us krogan just pulled your butts out of the fire. Again. Don't tell me you hit your head watching your soldiers fighting from your seat in one of the human's broken buildings, and forgot."

"I fought alongside my men!"

"You mean from the back row of your men." Wrex leans back in his chair a little more. This was the kind of sight he enjoys. The other species upset, annoyed, ready to just give up and go. They might as well at this point. There's no way Wrex will ever give them what they want. No one's going to start a war over one human. Especially when it's reasonable to believe she's dead. "I saw who was really out there. Garrus Vakarian. Shepard. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. Three leaders, all out there fighting, myself and my men behind them."

"We worked in a collective front Wrex. Do not try and claim this was a victory earned only by the krogan." How was Tevos still alive? She had all but disappeared from sight and word of mouth by this point. At least the salarian leader was known to be off in one of those spaceships that fled from the blast. Wrex was glad to not have to deal with him.

"Urdnot Wrex if you have recovered Commander Shepard, alive or dead, she must be returned." Now Tevos speaks up. Bold, and polite, how like her. Yet she hadn't even bothered to show up and hear the krogan out before. Manners would earn her no forgiveness here. Not now.

"I can't return something we don't have." Wrex rests his head on his hand now. This was getting boring.

Finally after sharing a look with Victus, and Tevos, Sparatus speaks up. "Admiral Hackett with all due respect, an instinctual feeling is not the same as evidence."

"I understand that council, but Wrex has not given us any reason to believe Shepard isn't here aside from his words. Why has he restricted all of the krogans movements? He keeps them around here surrounding their handful of grounded ships and patrolling the areas nearby. He himself hasn't left the ship in weeks since the end of the war. Except to go by the citadel wreckage the night after our victory."

"Yes I went to the wreckage to look for her! Any of you would have done the same if you cared. Shepard saved my people. She gave us a chance when none of you would. Even told me about the salarians attempt to bribe her into ruining the genophage. As a sister to me I had every right to go out seeking her, and if I had found her she would be coming back with us!" Wrex hadn't even realized he was growling, or that he had leaned so far forward during his speech. Fucking pyjacks. Minor annoyances, that's all they were. Taking a deep breath, Wrex leans back in his temporary throne. The longer he sits in it the more he misses his one back on Tuchunka.

"When Shepard is found she'll be staying here. On Earth." Hackett explains with the voice of a stern father. Bold human to talk down to him. Not that it would work. How many of your lives had Wrex lived, human? Dozens worth most likely, and dozens more awaits him. Hackett was just one man he needed to outlive, and trick until he was dead, or powerless. Whichever came first.

"Shepard is part of Clan Urdnot. When she's found she comes back to Tuchunka with us." Wrex leans forward and glares at Hackett. He pulls back his lips just enough to give the human a good sight of his teeth.

"She's human! She should stay here on Earth!" Hackett insists finally dropping his hands from behind his back. The formalities were gone now. This dance was finally starting to look more krogan.

"Actually the council has a say in deciding where a spectre may go as long as they are still living." Tevos was now chiming in again. Would've been smarter just to stay out of this. Wrex barely glances in her direction as Hackett and him continue to glaring match.

"She's ours. Shepard will come with us when she's found." This was the last time he's saying it. "Spectre or not, human or not, she is a part of my people. She has no kin amongst the humans anymore. The council has abandoned her before to the whims of the people. Clan Urdnot has always supported since I've risen to power. We have declared her as a battlemaster for our clan, she even has acted as krantt for krogans in the past." Wrex finally stands up now. He was done with these assholes. "If Shepard is found, alive, she comes with us."

"As if she would even survive without treatment?" Sparatus, always the most arrogant bastard in a room.

"We'd make sure she gets treatment. Krogan aren't as barbaric as you would have people believe." They have doctors, medicine. Now were they as skilled as salarians or as famialr with human physicology? No. That's why he had brought the salarian doctor on board. "Shepard saved us Krogans long before she saved the galaxy. She is part of Clan Urdnot. Therefore we are the only family Shepard has. When she is found she will be returned to us." A human soldier next to Hackett makes a move to raise their guns. Wrex waves a hand to the krogan waiting in the doorway. Qrax and Grunt raise their guns at the soldier. The soldier lowers their weapon immediately. For a moment, it was clear they forgot who's ship they were on.

A cough brings everyone's attention back to the table. It was Hackett again.

"How do you plan to take her if she hasn't been found? Your ship is almost ready to leave."

Wrex had to give it to the old human. He knew how to try and trap someone. Too bad he was too foolish to leave an opening any pyjack worth their food could hop out of. "When our ship is fixed, we'll be leaving, but my ears will still be open. The shadow broker's intelligence network still exists, and I've already contacted them about being alert to updates on Shepard's possible whereabouts. If she's found after we leave, I'll come back for her once she's found."

If Hackett was upset he didn't show it. The man's face gave away nothing at Wrex's response.

"Before you go. May we examine your ship? One good search throughout to put all of our minds at ease that you do not, in fact, have Shepard on board."

"Why would I let you do that?" Wrex crosses his hands, allowing them all a clear look at the shotgun on his waist.

"Because if you don't then what remains of the alliance's forces will be used to keep you from leaving until you agree."

"Hackett! That's going to far. Are you going to use the same threat on all of us when we try to go?" At least Victus saw this for what it was. A last vain effort to show off his power, and if they all didn't work with the human now it could be something they all face as they leave.

"No Primarch, I do not."

Wrex leans in closer to Hackett. He stops a couple of inches from the old human's face. "I saved you. My people have been working non-stop to help retrieve other ships from space and bring them down here safely."

"And I thank you for that. I do not want animosity between the krogans and humans in the future, which is why I must insist upon this inspection. For peace of mine between our species."

"I won't forget this Hackett."

"No. I expect you won't."

Begrudgingly Wrex agrees to the inspection. The guests left his ship after that. Both Tevos and Victus seemed freshly invigorated in their efforts to leave Earth. In a way, so was Wrex. Not that he could risk starting another war this quickly. He did not need another genophage to plague his people. Not now.

Wrex leaves the room last. Summoning Qrax he informed the nervous tech to go out and find Grunt. He would need him for this next part.

-

Mood soured from the confrontation, Wrex immediately headed back up to his room. Apparently his poor mood was clear, because even Jark and Urkam had stopped their fighting as he passed. Silence filled the ship, the moment Hackett left.

Wrex enters his room swearing. Loud enough that the doctor nearly jumped out of her cold skin. He ignores her and continues walking straight for Shepard's clear side. At least the doc had kept at least one part of his room free of medical tech. How Hackett heard about Wrex heading to the citadel, but not all the medical equipment coming in and out of this ship, he'll never know. Still he's grateful for it.

"I take it the humans picked a fight."

"They act a lot bigger then they actually are."

"It's worked for them so far." How could he not laugh at that? She was right. It worked for a good while in their favor, but as they enter this new stage Hackett would be wise not to over do it. Wrex collapses into the chair Grunt had dragged into his room. Most nights the young krogan slept in it. How he sleeps in this room when the lights are constantly on to their max, is something Wrex doesn't even try to grasp. Instead he chooses to try and get comfortable in the seat. The tension doesn't melt out of his body so much as gets pressurized out of him. Fucking humans. "Perhaps Urdnot Wrex plans to take this human back to Tuchunka."

Wrex refuses to answer. Apparently that was an answer itself.

"Rare, unheard of even. Intriguing." She holds her chin in a way Shepard used to when looking over her emails. A curious look in her eyes. As if she was finally piecing together the last few parts of a puzzle.

"She's not just any human." This salarian was starting to get on his nerves. The fact that she was speaking like Mordin right now only grated his nerves faster. Surprise fills the doctor's face. Why was everyone so damn surprised? Was it that he actually cares about his friend? What, just because he's a krogan he's supposed to not give a damn? That thought alone was enough to work him back up. If it wasn't for the fact that she's keeping Shepard alive Wrex would throw her out. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts right now. At least Shepard couldn't interrupt them. Damn it.

"No. She is not." That's all she's getting out of him. She could ask all the damn questions she wanted. He's done answering. Done giving more people ammunition against him.

"Are you planning to take this salarian to Tuchunka?"

It was a fair question. Honestly Wrex hadn't really thought about her. She was Shepard's doctor, and she was that because none of the krogan doctors knew anything helpful about human physiology besides how to kill them quickly. Of course they would have to have this conversation at some point. He just honestly hadn't thought about it.

The door to his room opens up without so much of a knock or a call. "Glad to have you back, finally."

"Don't get your armor twisted. I'm here aren't I?"

Wrex closes his eyes. "We have to move Shepard into a new room."

"What?" Somehow the doctor sounded more worried then Grunt. Was her set up really so delicate?

"The humans are coming to do an inspection. Won't let us leave Earth's atmosphere without it. If we don't want another war ruining the peace we just fault for we have to let them on."

He doesn't have to explain what it is they plan to search for. The answer was the unconscious woman on the bed between the three of them. At least someone was able to rest. This was probably the most 'at peace' he's ever seen Shepard. There was always an underlying tension in her. Even at her party. The way she moved, it was like someone pretending to be relaxed. Every joke she made sounded rehearsed, and even for the photo her arms were tense, awkward, ready to move.

That was an anxiety he well understands. Every smart krogan could.

"This equipment-"

"We'll go slow salarian, but she has to be moved." Wrex leans forward and rests his arms on his knees. "Good news," he meets the doctor's anxious eye with a grin. "you're getting a roommate salarian. We're moving her into that closest across the hall from here."

"How will that hide her any better then here?" Grunt was balling his fists up again. Even after the rite he has an anger issue. It was always manageable before, but nowadays Wrex was almost happier with him going out constantly. Still they'd have to talk about it eventually. Even if he hadn't had time for the kid lately.

"Because, they aren't going to see Shepard and the salarian in there." That earned him a confused looks all around. His plan had about a fifty percent chance of working out, it'd take time too. Still Wrex is confident that if Shepard could hear him explain it right now, she'd be all smiles. "Here's what we're going to do."

-

First they had to prepare the room for Shepard. Wrex sent Grunt out to get a metal slab that could be welding to the wall. He also brought back two large, thin, square metal spikes that were flattened out and welded onto the bottom half of the slab as legs. After that was fixed in place, and Wrex made sure it was sturdy enough to hold his weight, they moved on to pushing the doc to the back of the room. Wrex even had the salarian go out and find bedding that would be comfortable for Shepard's back. She grabbed some for herself as well. How she was lucky to find two unburnt mattresses, Wrex wouldn't know. He didn't bother asking either.

Then came the difficult part.

Carefully they moved Shepard over all at once. Wrex carried her, as Grunt and the doc slowly moved her machines. It took thirty minutes for them to move altogether. By the end Wrex was ready to shoot not just himself but Grunt and the salarian too. They constantly bickered with each other. Even turning on him to nitpick the way he was holding Shepard, or moving with her.

Unlike when he had carried her back to the ship the first time, Shepard didn't move much in Wrex's arms then. She didn't react to anything. A sign that the medicine was doing it's job. As he lays her down on the bed Wrex took extra care to readjust her. He almost covers up her arms, but pauses. Watching the movement in her fingers was really the only sign of consciousness he's seen from her. The idea of covering that up, wasn't a pleasant one. Grunt insisted on her arms being above the blanket. So Wrex hikes the blanket up under them all the way to her pits. She had felt cold in his arms. The salarian said she was getting better, but Wrex wasn't so sure. How could she get better, if her body was constantly losing heat?

When Shepard was settled and the doctor had moved her own make shift cot into the very back corner of the room, the krogan moved on to the next difficult part. The two went downstairs, and grabbed extra weapon holders. Four cases, that used to sit along the inner walls of the armory. Wrex has a tech weld them together in the closest with a large sheet blocking their view of the doc and Shepard. Grunt stood between the sheet and tech just incase he had any big ideas. When it was done you couldn't see beyond the weapon walls. It was four well stocked walls of a weapons closest. The only way to get behind them was for a krogan to push them out of the way before putting them back in place. Perfect.

When their hard work was done a new day had started. Finally Wrex could rest. Just as soon as Grunt had dragged that chair in from the other room, Wrex was in it. Set up a couple of feet from Shepard's side.

Fire passes through Grunt's eyes, and Wrex waits for the headbutt. Instead he looks about and pouts. "I'm leaving."

"Going on another one of your 'patrols'?"

Grunt nods. Nary a word or look before he's gone.

"There's a human getting to that boy." Shaking his head, he gets comfortable. "And here I thought you'd be the only one." He attempts a weak laugh, but it dies rather quickly. With a heavy sigh he rubs at his tired eyes.

"That is on the bottom of my long list of concerns. Humans being as much trouble as they are," he smiles to himself a little. "there's no way they are getting into as much trouble as our team did in the good old days." Not on a world that's already been half destroyed. Wrex stands back up. Pressing his back against the wall next to Shepard as he stares at the door. His thoughts wander as he talks.

"I remember when Garrus first started to calm down. Stupid punk was so gung-ho about working outside the law I half expected him to turn merc. I guess he sort of did for a bit there."

Omega. He should've reached out to Garrus, but his hands were full with Tuchunka. Not that it would've mattered. Not really. There was only one, maybe two people who could've made him see reason back then. Neither of which were him. It all turned out for the best in the end anyways.

"In the end you dragged your crew through some real shit Shepard, but you never expected any of us to go through anything alone. I guess I should be glad Grunt's keeping himself busy. It's better then him picking fights with me all over the damn ship." Wrex laughs. "There's still the ride back to Tuchunka. I might have to kill him by the end of it."

A sudden sign of movement calls his attention back to the bed. Shepard moved her fingers a little more. The tips could nearly touch her palm. Such little movement was now enough to get him standing at attention. What was he becoming? Some kind of nursemaid?

"I uh, looked into some of your old contacts. Mainly the ones that I could remember from that party of yours. A human biotic named Jack is still on planet. She knew where you were without me having to open my mouth. Which means either we have a spy, or I moved to obviously taking you in. Either way she said no one would find out from her. Actually what she said is 'Tell her I'm going to tear her a new asshole for making me worry! I'll kill all of these fucking marines if you let them get to her before I do.' Tough kid, that one. I guess you'll have a new visitor soon." Wrex stretches his arms before crossing them over his chest. "I couldn't find any of the others."

His red eyes track every movement Shepard makes. Even in this state she couldn't stand being completely still. Whenever he talks her fingers twitch. Sometimes they stretch if it's a name she recognizes. Wrex wasn't sure if it was because she relaxes hearing something familiar, or if she was trying to reach out to them. It could be nothing at all. Just his mind hoping to take anything as a sign of her mending.

Wrex snorts at his own irritating thoughts. He was too old to be this worried. After all he's a krogan, a warrior just hitting his 7th century. Been fighting for nearly every damn day since his hatching. No one knows the signs of the dying better then him. Shepard wasn't showing any of those signs. She'll heal, get better, eventually wake up. Gonna be fucking ugly by human standards with all those new scars across her face. They might cause more breeding requests to come in for her. Wrex laughs at the thought. "Garrus might have some competition when he gets back."

Soft, long fingers stretch out flat again. This time her head rolls barely an centimeter to the left, but it's the most activity he's seen in her face in a long time. The talking hadn't happened again since the doctor increased the sedatives. If the salarian noticed her Shepard's fingers move she hasn't said anything. If she hasn't Wrex had purposely not brought it up. He wants Shepard to heal, but seeing her moving, even barely gave him hope.

The door opens without so much as a creak. Wrex turns, ready to greet Grunt, or the doctor. Instead a young human woman stands in the door way. Biotics wrap around the door. With great force the doors pull apart. Soundlessly they open up. Expertly the human was able to mute the doors slamming openly with their biotics. It was an amount of control Wrex had never seen in a human biotic before. Of course that means it was someone who knew Shepard. Her body was covered in tattoos. Her clothes were small, and revealing, but seemed unrestrictive in every place except for around her arms. Considering how most human biotics channel their attacks around their hands it's a peculiar place to choose to wear extra padding to restrict your movement, but who was he too judge. He still grabs his shotgun and holds it level with the woman's chest.

"Bite me red snot. I'm here to see Shepard."

"You were part of the Normandy SR-2 crew."

"More like I was a wanderer. I hitched a ride until the suicide mission was done. Name's Jack. Is she here?" She pops something in her mouth. Wrex thinks back to a time when Ashley used to do something similar on the SR-1. She called it gum. Another human snack.

"No one knew she was here."

"Yeah no one except people who know her, and that giant ass krogan baby she set free a year ago."

"Grunt told you?" Wrex grits his teeth but starts to lower the gun.

"No. I saw him working with some humans. Talked to an N7 jackass he was spending time with. Mentioned how he was mourning Shepard. Said the ship was here. Thing is, if Grunt was sure Shepard was dead he'd be angry. He looked down right contemplative out there."

Wrex puts his gun away. His biotics glow around his own fist. A show that he wasn't truly unarmed. Not that krogan ever are. "He might be." It was difficult to admit it, but she wasn't looking good. Relunctantly he steps aside, clearing the doorway, and Jack's view of the room. Instantly she was heading for the bed. Her feet stop at the foot of it. It was indiscernible as she stares.

"Damn!" The tattooed woman leans in closer to get a better look at Shepard. "Looks like Garrus took me literally when I said bite her." She pulls back. "Or something else tried to take her face clean off."

"It looks better now." He hears a sharp intake of air through clenched teeth. Jack stops leaning over Shepard. Now she's standing at the foot of her make shift bed. Wrex's extra blankets were still covering the rest of her body. Only her shoulders, and up were visible. The salarian had even tucked her in, making sure to keep her arms out. "There had been nothing clean about it." Dirt and grime had worked its way into most of her wounds. The doctor had a tough time cleaning them all without making the wounds worse.

Jack crosses her arms over her barely covered chest. That short jacket of hers is pulled tight at the shoulders. How did she survive this war wearing only that? Must be a touch bitch. "I haven't heard shit from the cheerleader, or her tag along. Kasumi's been creepily quiet too, though she's always lurking somewhere."

Wrex had vague memories of each name. Well nicknames. The faces attached to them are little more then shapes of heads. They stuck by each other for the most part at the party. In fact there was very little mingling of the SR-1 and SR-2 crews that he could remember. Most of the time he was there he spent it with Grunt, or Zaeed, and Javik. The cool ones out of Shepard's group of friends. Shepard had a knack for finding excellent company. None of them were stronger then him, but who in the universe was? Javik was a better shot. Fucking prothean. Slept for 50,000 years. How could he still aim so straight? Especially after drinking Joker's disgusting swill.

"You had any trouble keeping her safe?" Suddenly dragged out of his thoughts, Wrex takes a moment to process the question.

"No."

"Old fucker like you would scare most of those brass tacks." She closes her eyes. Suddenly her fingers dig into her covered arms. Pissed. That was the one word that fit the particular expression she had on her face right now. "If you need any help. Getting medicine, throwing the alliance off of her trail, or just to beat the shit out of someone you don't have time for, just give me a call. Tell someone that you need the biotic bitch, Jack and your message will get around to me."

"You don't want to stay?" Wrex wasn't sure what he expected. Given how sappy many humans were, he's actually surprised that this visit had been so short. Clearly she wasn't scared. So something else was pulling her away. Shepard once teased her for teaching. That could be why she was leaving now. That or a zillion of other reasons.

Garrus wouldn't leave. He'd insist on staying here, beside Shepard. Kaidan and Tali might try to pull something like that too. The tension in his body drains a little. It was a good thing they weren't here then. A krogan vessel taking half of the Normandy's old crew would raise too many questions. Even if he could claim to be an old friend to all of them. Hackett would never let his ship leave Earth in that case. Was that why Jack was leaving?

Glancing back over his shoulder, he watches the human female leave. She walks as if a storm is brewing in her hands. Little mass effect fields were pumping out around her tightly shut fists. Wrex rolls his eyes. "Humans." A dozen years and they still can't control your biotics. Not even able to separate them from their emotions.

-

The very next day Hackett returned to inspect his ship. With crossed arms Wrex follows his little crew of humans and frowns. He had shut up Shepard's room this morning. Then let Qrax play his favorite music throughout the ship. Just loud enough that there was no way Hackett could ever hear the beeping from the machines. Fuck with the techno music playing, Hackett might just assume it's part of the songs if he did. Even though this old shit clearly wouldn't have used sounds like that. Turns out Qrax was a big fan of the oldies.

Next time he's picking the music.

Hackett's investigation took well over two standard hours. He had his soldiers push against every wall, look beside every appliance, and glance in every hole. The training hull and crew rooms took the longest to get through as a result.

Finally they went upstairs. Wrex stays on their heels, walking alongside Hackett as he simply watches his people do all of the work. Of course. The other species leader's do much of the same thing. Stay back, watch as their grunts do all the work. Well, sometimes he does the same thing with Grunt himself, but most of the time he's out there working alongside his men. Yeah it was definitely different.

For a moment Wrex was concerned that the humans might find Shepard. They push against every wall as they had done in every room. For a moment the beefy looking woman pushes on the week spot in the walls. Thankfully they don't so much as creak. Next they file into Wrex's room. He almost stops them. After all he deserves some privacy, but that would look suspicious. This team had gone all throughout the rest of the ship without a single vocal complaint from him. From his crew they heard plenty. Not Wrex though. So why would he reject them now when he said nothing earlier?

Instead he lets them inside, thankful that they hadn't brought any human things on board with him. Except Shepard's armor and helmet, but Grunt had those sat in a pile besides his precious chair in the other room. Still Wrex does deserve some privacy. he chases a nosy human out of his closest once he had a good glance over in it. Then he glares another down as they touch his personal weapons stash on the part of the wall that Shepard used to have an aquarium in. The human quickly pulled their hand back.

Tired of seeing his room all but ransacked Wrex lets out a low growl. "That's enough."

The humans look back to Hackett. Loyal dogs the lot of them. Hackett nods and they all retreat. "It seems I was wrong Urdnot Wrex. I apologize for this invasion of privacy."

"Sure."

"You're ship can leave as soon as you need it too."

"We'll be gone soon then." Hackett nods and his soldiers file out of the room. Wrex and Hackett linger in his doorway to watch. Without a word amongst them, the humans head down the stairs.

As the other humans leave Hackett lingers behind. Wrex wants to follow them. If only to make sure they are absolutely all gone, but Hackett refused to move. He stood there, watching them all leave. Utterly and completely silent. Wrex stares. What the fuck does he want now?

"Can we speak in private?" Hackett finally meets his eyes as he asks. It's the only time the human has bothered looking up at him since he arrived today.

Reluctantly Wrex shuts his bedroom door.

"I don't know where you moved her too, and I don't care. This show was enough for a report to my superiors." Sure it was.

"Is that all?"

"No." Hackett raises his head. He keeps it high as he looks beyond Wrex. His eyes glaze over like human eyes tend to do when they are seeing something that isn't there. Daydreaming took on a more literal sense with them around. One Wrex was glad he couldn't relate too. It's best to stay in the here and now. Humans didn't seem to always have control over it though. If they did, he doubts Hackett would be staring off into space right now.

The admiral's eyes remain cloudy and distant as he explains. "Let her know that Anderson has been buried. Hopefully by the time she's found and recovers it'll have a marker. I," Hackett pauses to take a deep breath. Finally the color returns to his eyes. Slowly, forcefully he meets Wrex's gaze. For once the human male in front of him looks his age. Well looks the way humans at his age should look. "believe she will want to visit it."

"Anderson was a good warrior. For a human."

"One of our best." Hackett agrees. The air around him was different. Colder. Humans, they mourn so aggressively that even the worlds around them are affected. Fucking ridiculous. If a krogan's rage burns bright hot, then a human's grief burns cold. The difference between burning to death and burning from frostbite. Shepard always ran closer to the hotter side of things. Her anger was bright, and powerful. It was shown off in her fighting style, up close and dangerous. She made a room go cold out of fear. She kept her grief to herself.

"Shepard was your best." Wrex smiles arrogantly. "I guess it makes sense that Anderson would be your second." Hackett steels himself to keep from reacting. There's no fun in that. "Guess the Alliance is going to have up some new 'stuff of legends'." He offers out his hand.

The old human looks at his hand. With a raised eyebrow he looks back up at Wrex. Realization dawns across those tightly pulled lines throughout his face. Finally Hackett was catching on. Hackett takes his hand. With a firm shake the two depart. They weren't friends, but this was a higher note then it had been before. Wrex wasn't sure if this meant Hackett was done coming after Shepard. Probably not. Anderson's grave may just end up being another trap to lure her out. Not that, that was enough to stop Wrex from telling her. She'd never forgive him if he didn't. Shepard was a woman who grew up without family. So now she clings to every close friendship like it's a lifeline tying her to some sort of harbor. A place where she can rest her weary head. Well in more ways then one that is what their friendship was. Only thing is it goes both ways.

"Safe travels." Hackett drops his hand first. As the old human walks, Wrex could almost hear the creak of his bones. This had been his last war.

A few minutes after Hackett was gone, the salarian doctor came in. Her fingers nervously curl around her clipboard. They squeeze it's non-existent life out. "Urdnot Wrex," Voice shaking she glances back over her shoulder. Wrex follows her gaze to see the door to his room shut. He stares impatiently at the doctor.

"What is it?" The disrespect all these people were showing was starting to get on his nerves. So what if he was stuck on Earth? He's a busy person. Who else could keep all of these hot blooded krogan focused on task? No one. That's who. Fucking pyjacks.

"It's the commander sir." Nervously she looks back over her shoulder again. Something was scaring her, and it wasn't Wrex. Still her words all but annihilate his anger. However his irritability grows stronger.

"Get on with it! I don't have time to rub a salarian's back, and stop them from quivering back home to their mama."

That seemed to catch her attention. Straightening her back, she stops nervously moving back and forth from watching the door. Now she stays her head hunched over her clipboard. "The commander's heart rate was elevated. The medication seemed only to put more strain on her body when I tried to up it to counterbalance all of her neuroactivity. So I lessened it, and she stabilized. For a time," she finishes, holding her clipboard closely to her chest now.

Wrex could hear his hearts pound. It felt like his ribcage was a set of drums. His ears tune into the salarian's every word now. Though his body was acting just as quickly to get past her. Dashing for the closest, he runs right past her.

The machines were going off. Every single one of them. Wrex didn't even know what that meant aside from that it was bad.

The doctor is shouting things. Announcing what's happening to Shepard as she also runs around. She shoves some needle with wires in his hands, and points towards her wrist. Says something about putting them in her blood veins. That's one of the few things Wrex knows how to do. Humans had veins that were easy to mark compared to other species. Even asari skin hides their own veins from sight. Not humans though. The sharp lines around their wrist were easy enough to follow back. At least Shepard's were.

So he works his way towards the Shepard's right side. It takes him a minute but he follows her vein and works the needle in there. At this point the doctor was pushing on Shepard's chest. The two of them switch sides as Wrex pushes the other needle in. He barely fits over here, in the small open space between the machines and Shepard's bed. As if he wasn't clearly crammed enough the doctor shoves her way behind him. Tinkering with the machines no doubt. Wrex does his best to tune out the sounds as he pushing the second needle into her right arm.

As the tip is buried in her veins, Shepard moves. Her heads curls up, before falling back onto her pillow. For a moment Wrex hears nothing at all. His red eyes look up to see where the doctor was, but catch Grunt walking back in instead. He shouldn't be here. Grunt needs to leave! The whole room grows unbearably hot. Wrex is about to chase him out when someone else speaks up instead.

"I didn't want to leave you." For the first time in a week Shepard speaks. It's clear and distinct. A full sentence even. The medicine should've stopped that.

Wrex should've stopped Grunt from walking in.

Guess they both failed.

That was Shepard. Always breaking hearts. The old Krogan Battlemaster knew it before realization could dawn on Grunt's face. Precariously he had started to build a home on hope. The life he was starting to carve out by helping those humans, the conversations he undoubtedly had been planning out in his head to have with Shepard again. Fuck even the anger Wrex was sued to seeing on him was gone. Home crashing down, Grunt stares. Then he realizes what's happening. Sees the mess Wrex and the doctor had made. Hears the increasing beeping of strained machines.

This might be goodbye.

"Grunt," Wrex was ready to talk to him, but what would he say? His sore eyes drift back to Shepard. His hands were still holding her hand, and the needle in her arm. He could still feel the doctor fiddling with machines behind him. Her arms repeatedly bump, and scrape against his back. Had to hurt. Didn't slow her down though. She still had a job. For now.

What could he say? Shepard's ragged breathing was starting to mellow out a little bit. Anticipation fills Wrex's chest. This could be good or bad. A warrior's second wind, or the sick's dying moments. Heaviness fills his body. It slows his mind, yet makes it clear. With a slow tilt of his head finally Wrex finds his words. "Grunt. You should stay."

With wet blue eyes, the younger krogan glares at him. His mouth opens, but only an uncontrollable growl makes it out. Sounding as if it had to claw it's way from Grunt's mouth too. Unsurprising. The first time you lose someone. Really lose someone always hurts. He wasn't even two yet. Fuck. Fucking Okeer. Motherfucker probably didn't even bother to explain something like grief to the kid. Then again how do you? How is he going to?

Questions for later. For now Wrex does the one thing he can. Stare Grunt down. He faces all of the kids wild, unrelenting rage. Grunt starts with punching the walls closest to him. That quickly isn't enough for him. He holds his head, screams uncontrollably. All of his self-restraint was likely being used up to keep him from charging over here, through her. Then it's words. They're bitter and hateful. All unfair, and yet feel true. In this moment he means them. Some even sting Wrex. He doesn't move. Not even to straighten up. Any action he makes would be met by a greater show of anger from Grunt.

The words aren't enough and he returns to roaring as his legs start to shake. He wants to run. Wants to charge straight at the people making him feel all of this. At Wrex and Shepard. Grunt doesn't though. Instead, when the muscles in his legs tense up, he locks them down by dropping onto them. His hands drift down to cover his face. The way he does it doesn't look like the krogan children Wrex has seen cry before. He doesn't even look like a grown krogan, holding his face like that. His hands don't reach all the way up to the start point of his plates. He's not covering his whole face with his arms like they would. No. His hands are splayed across his eyes. Open like that, he barely covers anything at all. Wrex can still see his pupils dilating. The tears weren't hidden either. They just catch on the skin between his fingers, welling up and distorting Grunt's own vision. Even his eyes have that same human haze-like look to them that was in Hackett's before.

Everything about Grunt right now felt strangely alien.

Finally, they focus through his haze. His dilated pupils now focus on Shepard instead of staring off. Eventually, even his roaring stopped. Everything was coming back to him. Wrex takes it all as the doctor scrambles under and around himself. Grunt could accept this. He can get past it. Wrex knows that Grunt can.

"I found a family." Shepard speaks again. This time her words were so soft. So breathless. He almost missed them to the sight he was facing. Thankfully he caught them.

Grunt was beside instantaneously. Still on his knees he uncovers his face, and grabs her free hand. He squeezes it tightly. So much so Wrex was going to tell him to let up. Almost as if he could read Wrex's mind, Grunt loosens his grip. Just enough to stop pushing the color out of her hand.

"I found them." Shepard repeats. Despite how weak her body was her smile was full. It looked like she was ready to wake up now. Or pass on.

"Garr-. Joker. -rex. -den. Tal-. Ash-. " the names come one after another. Each followed by a breath. Each half spoken, half lost to her dreams. One by one she tries to list every member of her team, of the Normandy's crew. All of them from the SR-1.

As soon as she's done saying their names, her heart rate starts to slow down again. Reaching an almost normal beating from the machines behind Wrex. "Doc?"

"She's safe. For now. I'll have to find some new medication for her." The salarian whispers to Wrex. She was sweating, not an easy task for her kind. Though they were jumpier than most. Maybe that was to compensate for their difficult sweat glands. It was an entertaining thought. Wrex didn't have too many of those left nowadays.

"Take any of my men with you. Gather up everything you need, even stuff you might need, but don't know for sure. I want everything to be on hand."

"Understood."

"Good."

Wrex looks back at Grunt. The tears were gone now. Their wet streaks remained. Hollowed marks that will one day disappear. This moment, this night, will never go away. even in his oldest years Grunt'll remember this.

"Hey kid," Grunt remains loyally, unmoving next to her. Wrex coughs. Damn this was awkward. He doesn't even have kids of his own. How the fuck was he going to help Grunt? "Don't let this get to you. The doc had to put her back on her medicine. She would've said your name."

Silence.

Wrex scratches the back of his head with his free hand. The other was still holding Shepard's hand. "She loved you."

"Shut up." There's no fight in his words. They're more of a plea instead of an order. Even if Wrex could find a way to help him it wouldn't work. Not tonight. Wrex was old enough to spy a losing battle.

Wrex gives Shepard's hand one last reassuring squeeze. Then, just as quickly as he had grabbed her earlier, he lets go. "I'm heading to bed." Grunt remains still. A fucking statue is what he is right now. Frustrated Wrex starts to walk away. Something stops him next to the kid. Rolling his eyes Wrex goes to pat the back of his shoulder. Then he stops himself centimeters away from Grunt. Wrex lets his hand fall away. As it thuds limply against his side, the older krogan speaks instead. "Watch her for me, will ya kid?"

No answer. Not that he expected one. Grunting, Wrex walks out.

Chapter Text

"I didn't want to leave you."

Those were the last words Shepard said before Grunt had to stop listening. Wrex was speaking to him. He had even responded. Yet every memory of the moments right after Shepard's words were fleeting. The faster he runs the quicker they're gone. He ran still, hoping that they couldn't keep up with his speed. At first he was right. The memories couldn't dare reach him. Then he realized that they may be Shepard's last moments. Had the doctor saved her? Did Wrex fix her? If they failed then, then, Grunt stops running as abruptly as he began.

Staring at his hands, Grunt tries to collect the memories. Frantically he gathers the fragmented bits and pieces remaining. Wrex had stared him down. Even as Grunt stared at Shepard he could feel Wrex's red eyes digging into him. Shepard's hands were cold, and wet as if she had been swimming in a stream. Maybe her dreams of the waterfall were affecting her body. He couldn't know. Would never know, because he's not a doctor. In the end Grunt's just that. A grunt. A warrior for clan Urdnot who can do nothing but watch Shepard suffer. Yes he found her, but Wrex would've eventually. He hadn't even been trusted enough to carry her back, and now he knows why.

Squeezing his hands shut, Grunt slams them into the ground below him. His knees buckle, and give way as he raises them and throws them into the dirt again. Again and again he continues, beating up so much dirt it was starting to form a thin cloud around him.

"Hey! What's going on here?" A human shouts. Their bare, weak voice was a dead giveaway of their species. The voice was nearly recognizable to him. Somehow. Anger confuses his mind. The floating dust cloud blurs his vision. His head was far too heavy to lift. All of this made it impossible to think, let along piece together how he knows that voice. Not that he could. Grunt just didn't care. It's not like they could stop him, or even argue with him. No one can. None of these pathetic pyjacks were even brave enough to try.

Then he hears it. The one word he's been missing. A single syllable that Shepard hadn't uttered. His name. "Grunt!" Why hadn't she said it? Was Shepard not thinking of him? She had given that message, called out to a stranger that was never a part of her crew, but not him! Anger fills his chest and he smacks the ground again. Both of his fists were starting to itch now. It didn't stop him. Wasn't she talking about the waterfall because she needed him to go? He thought she needed him. That this Alex was someone he could find for her. Bring back to her. Maybe then she would open her eyes. Foolish! That's what he was. All of this was pointless! Battles are for fighting. Fighting is to prove who's strong, who's weak. It improves an individual. Clan is for a united front. Everything has a reason. The reapers were to destroy all of them. His was to fight back against all of them. What was the point of the her words? Finally he slows his fists.

What was the point?

"Grunt!" It wasn't until they shouted his name again that he finally realizes who was with him. The one human who has stayed by him for this long since the Normandy. The same weak willed fool who claimed to enjoy his company. Laxim. They were also foolish, because unlike him, they worry about everything. They even go so far as to worry over everyone. Even those on death's door. Not like him. He ushers dozens of souls through those gates. Krogan, turian, salarian, even human. It didn't matter. He hadn't really thought about most of them, because their fights weren't noteworthy.

"Grunt you alright?" Their hands are soft on his. Warmer then the Normandy's life support room. Somehow the itching ceases too. Hunching his shoulders Grunt lets out a low scoff. He's fine. This is fine. Nothing was wrong. He's just angry, and angry is good. Angry makes you fight harder.

"Yeah. Just thinking." Anger protects you. So he'll harness it. Use it. That's what he's always done. It's what he'll do now.

"Careful big guy. Don't want you to hurt yourself." Laxim laughs until they see that Grunt really wasn't in the mood for jokes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Now they were helping him up. Both of their hands still wrapped around his. They barely pull. He didn't need the help getting up. Laxim was little more then a support rod as he pushes himself up off his knees. When he's standing again they still don't let go. Looking away, Grunt chooses to stare off at a campfire in the distance. A pair of salarians were talking with a human around it. That's right. Out here everyone was still riding under the pretense that all of these groups will still stay allies when they all get out of here. Being all friendly with each other, because none can imagine another war happening so soon after the last one.

"Let's get you to the camp." Their voice is soft, like Shepard's was that last time. When she asked him to leave. He should've stayed, but he wasn't trusted. Back then if he had stayed they could've fought them off. Every soldier the alliance threw at them. Grunt could've killed them all with her right by his side. That wasn't what she wanted. Grunt closes his eyes as Laxim's arms wrap around one of his. The Normandy was small compared to Wrex's ship. The inside of it barely had room for one krogan. How it was able to hold so many humans was always confusing. Shepard was there, so that's where he was. It was small, and noisy, annoying on the good days, and infuriating the rest. Home.

A ship filled with people from species and planets that were the krogans' enemies, and Shepard kept them all sealed up inside. Yet Shepard kept it under control. No one blew up, nobody even died. Would've been more exciting if they had. What he sees most when he closes his eyes and thinks back to home was Shepard's face. That last sad expression she gave him as she sent him off. Pitiful. That's what it was, and pathetic was how he felt seeing it. Almost as pathetic as he feels right now, being led around by some random human.

That same awful feeling twists his stomach again. Ignoring it, Grunt opens his eyes just in time to see that Laxim was walking them back through the camp they've been staying at. His eyes still catch on half hanging sign from what used to be a pet shop. It's blue with silver lettering, 'Ander's pet sh-'.

"It's like they took your coloring scheme." Laxim jokes as they always do when they walk by it. Blue eyes matched with silver armor. Humans were so caught up in small things. Right now so was he. Every little thing. Each moment he spent in Shepard's company. "Do you want us to head in there again?"

It had become a part of their routine. Much like Shepard always making a stop to visit everyone after a big mission. Laxim still doesn't let go of him. On his own he struggles to fit through the door. Laxim's hands wrapped around his arm, pull him in, but makes it a tighter squeeze instead. With a loud groan from the scorched doorframe, Grunt stumbles forward. Finally he's inside. Laxim pats his hand and they head for the back. To the room full of shark wallpaper in the back. There were all sorts back there. Sharks with long side ways head, there are ones that are twice the size of all the other sharks, but they aren't as long as his forearm. Laxim has sworn sharks are larger in real life. Apparently the largest ones on this wall were bigger then himself. There mouths were so large that they could swallow him whole without having to bite down.

Laxim lets go of his arm only when he sits down in a small metal chair. The top of it was bent backwards straight into the hole in it's back. One of the back legs were twisted and push down. How this chair ended up looking more gnarled then Shepard, Grunt has no idea, but it works. Three straight legs, and it doesn't immediately collapse underneath his weight. That's all he needed.

"You hungry?" Laxim's voice was muffled slightly from the walls. They must've been in the front room again.

"No." For once he felt no hunger at all. Maybe he was just so upset his stomach couldn't, heh, stomach it. Though the looks the other survivors gave him as he walked through the camp with Laxim. Wrex had no idea how uncommon it was for so many soldiers to stay on the ship. Unlike them, most were looking to be trapped here for months longer. Their ships, and teams were almost wiped out. Some of them were unlucky enough to be the last survivor. A burden he knows too well.

One Shepard knows to. That was one of the few facts about Shepard's life he had learned while on the Normandy. It was a battle Garrus mentioned in passing to Tali. An event that changed Shepard's life. Wrex brought it up too her, asked about some man they met when he was part of her crew.  Shepard looked off into the distance then. Muttered something about having another enemy. Wrex shook his head and promised to do what he could to keep the krogan off her tail. It was better then having a whole universe against her.

Finally Grunt wanted to know more. Over the course of several days he looked up what he could about Wrex, and Shepard. That was how he found out about Akuze. Nearly every article on Shepard mentioned the same few things. Her being the first human spectre, some speculations on her relationships with her crew, that she grew up on Earth without parents, and the name Akuze. For a long time he kept opening and closing articles trying to find one that actually explained Shepard's role in the fight. When he found one, it was from back before she became a spectre. A rundown of the crew assigned to test out the Normandy for the first time. She was listed right under Anderson. Apparently the other human had been with her at the start. Was Anderson to her, what Shepard was to him? He hadn't thought about that back then, but it makes sense.

She was a soldier, the last of her unit to survive an encounter with multiple thresermaws. Twenty three human years old. Enlisted in the military for only five years before hand. Little details. Small facts that anyone can discover about her. Now it's all he knows. Joker once mentioned that he worried about Shepard. Something like Akuze could change anyone, and while he didn't know the commander back then, he's been with her every adventure since she stepped onto the Normandy. If Grunt was going to listen to anyone's concerns about it would be him. So when Joker asked how she was facing the thresermaw on Tuchunka he answered honestly. Shepard seemed no different to him, but had he really been paying attention?

Because now he's different too. Sometimes he still thinks about the rachni, and gets pissed. Of course he does, he's krogan. That's what Wrex would say, but this anger was different. It was closer to the anger he felt against the reapers too. They both had taken his team away, and it was her call. Aralakh company was gone and so were the soldiers on Akuze. There are things she did back then after that fight, that he catches himself on now. How often she would pretend to listen to someone but her eyes were somewhere else. She would stare at their eyes, but not really listen. When Shepard listens to you, you know. It's all in her eyes, there was a light there when she actually cares. It was always there when she talked to him. Yet nowadays he'd do that same thing. Focus in on someone's eyes and be somewhere else. Some moments it's with his company in those final moments before their deaths. Other times it's his times on the Normandy with Shepard. Moments gone now. Times no one else could recall. Maybe ones no one else could ever recall again if Shepard actually dies.

"Seems like I'm more like you then I thought Shepard." 

"So you're still thinking about her? Was she found?" Grunt jumps up at Laxim's voice. They were next to him again, a cold, wet rag in hand.

"No." Grunt lies. It was easy at this point. Easy the same way it was easy to squeeze the life out of a salarian. Simple, quick, and doesn't take a lot of work, but it happens so fast that the charm is gone just as fast.

"Then what are you thinking about?" Their brown eyes linger on his hands. They turn them over a few times before using the rag to clean the dirtiest side first. He could clean himself up. If anything he should shove this pathetic human away and do it himself, but he didn't feel like it. Honestly Grunt's chest felt surprisingly empty right now. Numb even.

Wrex would probably tell him to not tell the human, but what did he care? Nothing mattered anyways. Their war was won. In the next few days their ship would be gone. He wouldn't have to remember this human. Won't have to think about the glares all the other survivors in Laxim's camp gave him whenever he came by. It would just be him, the krogans, and maybe Shepard. Was she alive? He'd have to go back soon.

"I was thinking about my old company. It was the first team I was ever in charge of."

"For real, you led? What happened? Finally got word back from them?" Laxim looked at him with surprise. Their brown eyes were warm.

"No. They're dead. They all died on the same mission that stuck me in the hospital for most of this war." What the fuck was he even doing here? Krogans don't get upset with death. That's what they are born expecting. It's some of the first things Okeer implanted in his mind.

"Shit. I'm sorry Grunt. That's never easy." They shouldn't be sorry. No one should. Death happens. Why does this human insist on talking about this stuff? Why does he want to talk about this?

"Yeah. Shepard came and helped us out against some rachni. Turns out the reapers were controlling them. Morphing them like they did with every other damn species out here." Laxim listens intently. Their face gives no tell of their true feelings. For some reason this was always their expression whenever he talked about Shepard. A bunch of nothingness, but it was better then the pity it used to be. "She had a choice. Save the rachni queen so she could help us in this war, or let her die and get my team out."

"So she chose the queen."

"Yeah. Garrus said it was the 'smarter choice'." Grunt bends his fingers for the human motion of adding quotations to that last part. Shaking his head he rests his hands on his knees again.

"You doubt him?"

"The rachni are why the krogan were brought to the citadel. They're why we used to have that giant statue, and the genophage. The old enemy. I wanted to tear the queen apart myself." He lets out a heavy breath to calm his boiling blood back down. "No. I don't think Garrus believed that. Probably told Shepard his doubts, but not me. To me he needed to stand in support of the commander."

"Why?"

Grunt shurgs. "Doesn't matter. Could be because she was his commander. Could be just because she was Shepard. Maybe cause they were mates. The queen helped in the end." Grunt narrows his eyes and continues on with his story. "Still I was angry. She chose the rachni queen over my men. The men I fought hard to get the chance to lead. True warriors chosen to show a untied front, and I as their leader meant to represent the future of the krogan."

Laxim's hands wring out the rag. A few drops of water fall. They look over him, before standing up. "Sounds like a pressure on your shoulders."

"It wasn't pressure. It was glory and honor. I was meant to be there, leading that team, and Shepard order me to leave them behind to lead her team out of the mess. Meanwhile my men buckled down in their spots and fought to keep our asses clear. I remember being angry. I cursed at her." That earned him a gasp from Laxim. "I did. I said, 'Damn you Shepard!' and she let me go. When I got back to her, Garrus looked nervous. Five seconds away from chittering like one of your chickens, I bet, but he wasn't nervous about the rachni. He was watching Shepard. Something about her had him on edge. Still we ran on. I led them out and kept Shepard from rounding a corner and running head first into enemy forces that had made it past my men."

"You saved Commander Shepard?"

Grunt eyes Laxim now. "More then once." Why was that so surprising? He's krogan. Of course he saved the Commander. She was a human. Strong for a human, and the best battlemaster, but still human. Human like Laxim. Both of them had soft weak flesh. Easy to tear apart, quick to bleed out, of course Shepard needed protecting sometimes. She was only human. If she was actually krogan like him, then a lot of their battles would have been easier. She might even still be- no. He didn't want to think about that right now. Human or not Shepard would still be Shepard.

Laxim says nothing but he could tell they wanted to hear more. Fine. He wanted to vent. It's not like they were doing anything. His hands were clean now, and they were, uh what was that word Mordin used? Ah, encaptured by his words.

"That was when I had a choice. We weren't making it out without catching their attention. Someone had to fight them off. So I stayed. Pointed Shepard and her team which path would get them to the shuttle and prepared to fight. Shepard didn't like that though. Wanted to argue with me. I could see it in her eyes. I told her I'd hold them off. Then shouted 'GET OUT OF HERE SHEPARD" like she was a stray pyjack that kept begging me for food. Still she didn't go."

"She didn't want to leave you." Laxim's voice was breathless now, but their face had returned to an emotionless mask. Their short, curly black hair looked extra soft today. Was it always like that?

Shaking his head Grunt returns to his story. "We stood there, staring at each other. I remember thinking she was a fool and that she should've ran. She looked back at the enemy then at me, as if trying to see some invisible plan that could get us out of there. I knew there wasn't one. One of us would have to fight, and it was going to be me. Not my battlemaster. She grabbed my shoulder, the way Commander Shepard does. Like she's words to say but knows you know them already. So she left, and I fought."

"You got out though."

"I got out, barely alive. IT was amazing. Best fights I'm in involve Shepard and a suicide mission." For a few moments silence passes between them.

"So why are you thinking about that now?"

"Shepard came to check up on me in the hospital. She changed my bandages despite my protests. Even got all special permission from the doctors to do them that day."

A snort escapes him. "Like anyone would've stopped her if she had just done it without asking."

"Alright." Shepard had done what Laxim did. Cleaned him up, and let him talk. Were all humans so quick to take care of others?

"She cleaned me up, and while she was replacing the bandage around my shoulder, where she had gripped me from before, she stopped. Her hand lingered over that spot. I thought maybe she was going to grip me again. A sign of something. Instead she looked me in the eyes. with a steady voice, and a open hand on my shoulder Shepard said, ' I know how awful it is to be the last one standing Grunt. To have survived when no one else did '. I got so angry but I didn't say anything. It was her call. She got them killed for a rachni who had already squandered one second chance. Then she said, 'And you can be angry at me forever if that will help you. I'll never ask you to forgive this, or forget, but I don't regret my choice,' her green eyes shown with the same inner fire I always saw there in a fight. ' I was always going to choose you Grunt. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to lead us out of there. It was always going to be you '."

"She cared about you."

"She got all my men dead. I got them all dead listening to her."

"I'm sorry."

"It was the first time I ever realized, Shepard did play favorites."

"Sounds like you're angry."

"I am!"

"Grunt, you're allowed to be angry at people for dying."

"I know that!"

"Do you?"

"I, I, I," every word is followed by a quick huff of air. "I know."

Laxim rests a hand on his chest. "Then let yourself be angry. She might leave you. She might die! What then?"

"Then I'll, I'll,"

"Be left alone? Be lost? Be trapped in this world without her?"

"No!"

"Then what happened from you losing her?"

"I didn't get to say goodbye! I won't be able to hear her lectures anymore! I don't know anything about her, and I won't be able to learn!"

"What else?"

"She was supposed to survive this! To see the krogan rise up again. She promised to show me Earth!"

"Why are you angry Grunt?"

"Because I wasn't ready for her to be dead yet! Away is different from gone! Gone is, gone is," his hands start to shake.

"Gone is gone." Laxim finishes for him. Carefully they grab his hands. Somehow their own weren't shaking. "Gone is permanent. It means there will be no more new memories of her. No more moments to share, or days to reminiscence on together. It means no more talks, or even fights. It means everything you have now is everything you will have. Forever."

"I want there to be more." Why was he hanging his head? This was ridiculous. He's krogan. He's pure krogan. Better then this. Not that his body was listening to him right now.

"You're allowed to be angry that everything you have now is all you will have of them. Just remember there was nothing you could've done to change it. Nothing. You have to accept that Grunt."

"I don't want too."

"I know. You might not even be able to for a while. But one day you'll need to. I hope by then that you can."

"Thanks Laxim."

"Anytime big guy."

"I need to get back." Of course they did. He does too, but he didn't feel like walking right now. The numbness in his chest had spread to his legs, and arms. For now he just wants to sit. "Hey Grunt,"

"What?"

"Remember, Shepard loved you."

"I know that." He turns around and faces them. Hope fills his hearts. Hope that it had always been so. That from the start, despite him threatening to kill her she cared about him. Maybe that's a ridiculous hope.

Laxim offers a bittersweet lopsided smile on their tilted face. "You already knew it."

Yeah, he did. Shepard loved her crew. They were her family, her clan. Once upon a time, as humans like to say, they were his clan too. When had that changed?

"You're like her, you know." He says it offhandedly but it's enough to stop Laxim in their tracks.

"What?" They start to laugh nervously. "How in the world am I like the great Commander Shepard? She's a hero! I'm just barely a graduate of the N7 program."

"I'm not talking about the fucking program. You both care about people. You take care of the survivors' in your camp. Shepard took care of the crew of her ship. Both of you give a damn way more than others." You'd probably even die for anybody out there. Any of those asari, salarians, turians, and humans in your camp. It's a weakness, but one Shepard turned into a strength. Could Laxim do the same?

"Thanks Grunt, but I think you're a lot more like the commander than I could ever be. After all, you're her kid buddy." Laxim pats his head. "You're going to find her." They sound so positive. Their hand is so warm and soft against his head plates. For a moment he does want them to go. He almost tells them the truth just to get them to stay, but they couldn't. People needed them. A lot more then he did.

Smiling, Grunt nods. "Thanks Laxim." He'll remember this, but he wishes they had said more. It would've been nice.

Laxim leaves with a large smile on their face, and a new pep in their step. Alone, surrounded by sharks Grunt misses the extranet. If it was still up he'd bet he could find out the best way to hunt sharks. A fight sounds great right now. Does Earth have thresermaws? Shepard would know. Garrus probably would too.

Where's the rest of them? Was it just going to be him and Wrex when Shepard wakes up? If she wakes up. Frustrated Grunt stands up and punches a hole through one of the sharks. Why was he mourning her, when she's not even dead yet? She's not dead. Grunt starts to walk back. Shepard can't be.

Chapter Text

Kaidan at his core liked to think he was more then just a soldier. More then just a biotic sentinel, focused on his career. He even almost felt like it once upon a time when his spectre ceremony happened. What was undoubtedly months ago, feels like years now. Honestly he avoids looking in the mirror nowadays. He knows he should shave but as long as he doesn't see the unkempt hair, and the newly forming wrinkles then he still sees the face he was so used to. The young soldier happy to serve under Commander Shepard. The one who used to play poker with Ash and listened as she vented about her family.

"It's too early to be thinking like this." Kaidan fills his hands with water from the bathroom sink. Hunched over he washes his face.

As long as he doesn't face the reflection in the mirror then, at least in his dreams, that same person he was before. A Kaidan that wasn't just a soldier. Or a spectre. Someone who was looking forward to the future. Unchanged. Just like them.

Drying his face off with his one personal towel, Kaidan heads back to his room. He had to finish getting ready. As the door slides open, Kaidan's greeted with the metal slide covering the Starboard Observation window. Eyes staring straight ahead, Kaidan refuses to look anywhere aside from his closest. He doesn't look towards the corner of the window where Shepard stood in their last conversation on the ship. Doesn't look at the photograph of Shepard, Ashley, and himself on the wall behind the couch. Can't risk glancing at the photograph of the original Normandy crew with Anderson, and Jenkins in it beside Kaidan.

If he looks then it won't just be pictures of them. Undoubtedly Shepard would still be standing there, leaning against the window. Her dark green eyes completely caught on the stars. Her freckles help his eyes outline her body in the poorly lit room. At first closing the window was enough. The lack of sight kept her from sight. Just as flipping the photographs around originally removed Jenkins body lying on the floor. His left foot twitching slightly.

Kaidan takes a deep breath as he pulls his shirt down. Slowly he picks up the pieces of his armor off the floor. This is real. The armor that protects him even on this strange planet, the feel of cold metal against his palms. Methodically he fastens the layers of armor over his clothes. Finally, he was ready.

Kaidan forces a smile onto his face. Fully protected, he walks out of his closest. Eyes focused on the door, Kaidan lumbers through the room. Flickers of movement, tug at his peripheral vision. Squeezing his hands shut, he keeps walking. A hand rests on his shoulder, as someone calls out-

"Kaidan!" Tali's eyes blink through her helmet. Casually she waves at him. "Good morning!" He smiles warmly at the greeting, and waves back at Tali.

"I'm heading to the mess-hall. Do you want me to make you anything?"

Tali shakes her head and opens her hand. She had already grabbed her share of rations for the day. That makes things easier. Now he'll just have to make something for the levo-protein eaters, and Garrus.

"I'll get going then." He starts to walk away before remembering that they needed to talk. "Actually is there anything you need done today?"

Tali lets out a loud sigh. She crosses her arms and lets a little tension out of her shoulders. Clearly she's been waiting to ask. He smiles and makes a mental note of what she needs. Most of it is venting, but she does need help with finding some missing extra parts. He's not sure how much luck they'll have, but at least it's something he can do.

The mess-hall being just around the elevator from his room has become extremely convenient. Garrus, James, and Tali took most of the crew to help them fix the various parts of the Normandy. Liara was managing everyone else assigning tasks to each individual based on their skills. A skill she's developed with a razor's edge. No one dared defy her. Kaidan was given more free reign on his tasks then most people though. He was given the tasks of rationing food. Cooking meals, and passing them out. It hadn't been a skill he focused a lot on in the past. Cooking was merely a hobby he engaged in. Learning little tips and tricks here and there to spic up alliance food a little better.

Now it was his skills and their resources that determined if many were going to begin their days, and jobs, content, or grouchy. Kaidan rubs the back of his neck. Methodically he checks every shelf, counts all the food, sets some aside, and updates the amounts listed on the clipboard. Some food went further then others. Bread, eggs, simple things that fill people up quickly. They're the first food he's willing to risk the chance of running out of, and can be spread out more so then milk, or meats. Cracking his knuckles, Kaidan picks up the food stained grey apron and gets to work.

It's about another hour before the rest of the crew starts to wake up. He gives himself an hour and a half of clean up. The food took maybe ten minutes to cook. Which meant his kitchen looked spotless before he'd make it a mess again. As Ensign Traynor stumbles over, her uniform neatly pressed, and hair perfectly brush, Kaidan was wrapping up.

"Perfect timing Traynor."

"First one again?" Yawning, she covers her mouth. Collapsing against the counter, Traynor rests her head on top of her arms.

"You always are. Rough morning?"

"I miss my toothbrush." Of all the things to miss. Kaidan laughs with a shake of his head. He flips the scrambled eggs in the pain to catch her eyes. It works perfectly. Even with all her dietary restrictions Traynor had agreed to the rationing. It was obvious that she's never had to ration this seriously before. The simple sight of eggs was enough to raise a growl form her stomach. His own remains stubbornly silent. Kaidan never thought of himself as much of a liar, but in this way he's a master at it. Maybe he shouldn't need proud about that. Seems in poor taste.

When Traynor's sharp brown eyes narrow on the eyes Kaidan knows the game's up. Her lips open to speak. He holds up his free hand to stop her. "We're low."

"Oh."

"First one to arrive means you also get the bad news first too."

"Blast my impeccable timing."

"And your early morning schedule." The way she smiles at him is sad. Kaidan's seen a lot of sad smiles throughout his life. Most are born from pity. Some sad smiles grow from sad lives. Others are lies. They're applied like make up to hide how someone really feels.

That last one is his favorite to use. It was Shepard's too. Originally her smile was born from loss. The kind of loss he was thankful he had never gone through. it confused him at first, her sad smile. She seemed so strong, but it felt so off. As if something behind it just wasn't clicking together. When he first found out about Akuze it all clicked for him then. Everyone in the Alliance had heard about the tragedy when it happened. Including his father. Yet Shepard, the Shepard that survived it sounded so different from the woman he served under. At least at first. Then he saw that same sad smile again. It was only the third time but he knew it then, Shepard was haunted.

Understanding washes over h more powerfully in the present then it ever had before. Traynor sits up. Does she see it on him now? The same broken expression. A smile that just doesn't quite click. The ghosts? Well they've all got at least one ghost now.

Traynor hides behind a nervous smile. "You wake up even earlier then I do. What does that give you then?"

Kaidan's laugh is hollow. It dies in the sizzling of the eggs as he pulls them off the burner. "The responsibility of being the person to share the bad news." Quietly he makes her plate and starts to prepare the others.

Traynor looks glum as he pokes at her eggs and toast with a fork. "I don't envy you."

Of course she doesn't. Who would? Still he gives an obligatory response. "It's not all bad."

Of course it is. No one takes the news well. The beat response was from Liara who already expected it. When he brought her a plate, he had been fidgeting trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject. Already he'd dealt with screaming, crying, stopped fights, and now he had to lock up the shelves. Needless to say Liara was reasonable but these were strenuous circumstances. Kaidan set the plate before her. She lowered her head at her desk, hanging it over the food. "We're low, aren't we?"

She knew. Still he answers, "Yes ma'am." Liara may not be alliance military but she's more then earned his respect.

Unlike himself he can look at her and see the same Liara. The nervous archaeologist who's never worked on a human ship before. He also sees the confident, deadly, put together Asari she is now. There's no lines drawn in the sand between the two. She's Liara. She'll always be Liara. What does that mean for him?

When he leaves Liara there's two plates still sitting on the counter top in front of the stove. Kaidan wishes he was surprised. Sadly he expected this. He picks up the remaining plates and heads outside.

Every passing day on this planet made his body feel heavier. He didn't simply walk places anymore. It's more accurate to say he lumbers now. Even James moved different here. He would've talked to Chakwas but she had her hands full. Most of the crew had some sort of injury that needed tending too. If not physical from the crash, then mental from the well everything that has happened this last year. No she was too busy to deal with his problems. Kaidan could handle them himself.

Picking up the plates, Kaidan nods casually in acknowledgement of the other crew who greet him. Some were more susceptible to small talk now after having a meal. He doesn't say a word until he reaches the memorial wall. He stops for a moment, holding the plates close to himself. It was too soon to say it earlier, but now anyone could hear. "Good morning," the words are whispered under his breath. Just as fast he's turning away from the names. Zipping straight into the elevator, and hitting the up button with his knee. He catches red armor out in the hall. The elevator door shuts before he could see who's there.

Joker and Garrus have barely been eating since they crashed. Many people were barely eating, but those two took it the furthest. Chakwas was sympathetic about their grief. Though that sympathy didn't stop her from insisting that Kaidan makes sure they still get their fair share of food. No one had plans to cut them out. That would be ridiculous. When the pair continued to not turn up for food day after day, he realized what Chakwas had meant. He would have to go to them to make sure they eat.

The elevator doors pop open with a clear ping. Kaidan makes a beeline for the cockpit. As he gets close, the major speaks, "Joker if you're indecent say something." The chances were low, but the pilot lived in this cockpit now. Even more literally now then before. No one came up here, so it wasn't an issue typically. The first time Kaidan brought him food, he had happened upon the pilot while changing. Kaidan through up a blanket to act as a door for right after that. A blanket that was no where in sight now. Strange.

Kaidan slowly leans into the cockpit. No one was there. There was a small, blanket folded up on EDI's lap, but nothing else. Even the trash pile in the corner had been cleared out. Looking up expectantly, Kaidan is surprised yet again. Joker wasn't inside the cockpit, or sleeping outside on top of it. Maybe he was finally moving about. If so then that's a good sign. The first one in a long time. At least since their crash. It was almost enough to cheer Kaidan up, despite the bad news he'd have to share.

Joker wouldn't have gone away from the ship, so as long as he keeps looking, Kaidan was certain he'll find him eventually. Kaidan heads back to the elevator and elbows the up button this time. The small hall outside of Shepard's room echoes with the ping of the elevator. It was cold up here. Colder then every other part of the ship for sure. Briefly he worries about Garrus. Was the turian staying warm enough up here? Tali said he wasn't really sleeping much. Maybe that meant he was barely up here. Kaidan hopes that's the case. Turians are even more susceptible to the cold then humans were. His miserable face on Noveria was once a thing Kaidan had joked about alongside the rest of the crew.

Now, he just hopes Garrus is warm. Hands full, Kaidan kicks at the bottom of the door. He tries not to hit it too hard, but he wasn't as good with controlling his biotics through his feet as he was through his arms. A little mass effect field knocks against the door. It makes his last kick twice as loud as the others. If anyone was home they definitely heard him.

Patiently Kaidan stands idly in the hall. He holds the plates up and watches the door as he waits. No one had argued against Garrus moving in. In fact most of the crew thought it was fitting. Who else could be trusted with maintaining Shepard's things? No one else could be trusted to guard her memory. Not even Wrex would be put before Garrus in anything regarding protecting Shepard, and that krogan was her closest friend when he was on the ship. He may have been replaced by Grunt since then. Though most of the crew, Joker included, treated the younger krogan as a son-like figure.

Shepard had a strange way of finding family.

The door pops open. Kaidan starts to talk without fully registering who answered. "Garrus, I know you're busy but I'm glad I have you befo-" His words die off as his mind tries to register why there wasn't a turian's head lurking above him.

"My eyes are down here." Small fingers snap through the empty space in front of his face.

Kaidan's head looks down to see a disheveled Joker leaning against the door frame. His mouth stopped working. It lingered open, struggling to move even his lip up. Joker stared at the plates of food. "This for me?"

Kaidan moves past the surprise and nods. "Thanks." Joker's voice was less then enthusiastic. He scrutinizes ever bit of food. Joker looks back up. His eyes shows his annoyance clearly. That annoyance seems to leave as he notices the other plate in Kaidan's hand. It had the same about of food, but was completely different ingredients. Joker almost pokes at it with his finger as he points it out. "That for Garrus?"

"Yeah." His wits came back all at once, like shoppers realizing it was the last day of a grocery sale.

"Thanks. I'll add it to the pile of uneaten food he has going on. The fucking pile takes up a whole corner of the work desk. Not that he's in here enough to notice it. Or care." Joker rolls his eyes again. At least this time it wasn't at Kaidan. Joker starts to retreat inside. His back goes ridgid. Looking back over his shoulder he meets Kaidan's eyes. "Uh, by buddy."

"Ah. Good morning."

"Yeah good morning to you too." Joker hits the button. Sparks fly out of the top right corner as it shuts. Kaidan could hear Joker muttering, "fucking morning types," as it closes.

Well now he doesn't have to seek Garrus out. One last task for him to do. The rest of his day is a muddle list of chores. He starts off with searching for edible food outside of the ship. Every day he edges a little further out then the day before. Each time he finds a large variety of plants, and even animals. Karin's been using some of Mordin's old gear, and Tali's help to analyze them. So far nothing was edible, yet. Hopefully he can find something soon. The dextro food could last a bit. Splitting it up between two people was easier then a whole crew.

With arms full of new potential food sources, Kaidan heads for the Chakwas' medlab. Next he makes another round through the ship. He's no Commander Shepard, but he does what he can. A lot of that meant listening to the crew. Shepard always walked around the ship, talking to people. She listened to all of their concerns. Every fear, hope, and goal. Back then they were all focused on ending the war. Now fears creep in. Ones they didn't have any time for before, now preoccupy their every free moment. Kaidan understands. Unable to do much, he listens, and helps where he can. He hasn't yet faced the truth, that just as much of this work is too distract him form his own fears as it is to help everyone else's.

After food, comes repairs. Vega was getting exhausted. With every piece of the ship he hits into shape, Garrus welds them back on almost instantly. Kaidan agreed to spend a couple hours everyday helping out. They never get ahead of Garrus, but Kaidan didn't have to talk to him either. Which is for the best. Probably.

After Vega, Kaidan heads down to Tali. They search for missing gear, he holds things in place with his biotics for her, helps Daniels make a new list of problems that he's noticed around the ship, lifts Donnelly up so he can climb into the guts of the ship for harder fixes. Then he gives orders to the rest of the crew. Some were from Liara, others are from him. Most were too keep them all busy. Idle hands meant wild thoughts. If everyone could focus on one goal, as they had before then panic will take longer to set in. The one area no one goes near, is the main battery. It remains, eerily silent and cold compared to the rest of the busy ship.

Finally when the morning and midday chores are done Kaidan returns to the mess hall. In some ways this place feels like his home on the ship. It used to be by the armory, and where he always hung out in the first Normandy. Then as the main cook, he usually handles all the meals nowadays. If he thinks about it, he's always here, in this part of the ship. At least some version of him always is. A younger, brown nosing, suck-up, who was even more uptight about the rules.

He may have cooled off a bit during the last three years, but he still follows a schedule. There's always a schedule. Time may be out of his control, but work's not, and if he fills every moment with work, maybe they'll stop. As if taunting him, an arm covered in old phoenix armor moves across the hall. His eyes start to follow, before he shuts them.

It's not real.

When dinner's done Kaidan lets Samantha pass it out this time. She may be a bleeding heart, but even she wouldn't give someone extra when he made just enough for everyone to eat. Taking an extra plate, the major leaves. He heads up to the second floor. Dozens of crew pushing their way into the elevator as he steps out. All talking about their incoming meal. Kaidan lets himself feel a little bit of pride in the moment. Then he continues on his way to the cockpit.

This time Joker's there. He's even dressed in his military attire. He's doing better. Kaidan smiles at the thought. Setting the plate in front of Joker's chair, he attempts to strike up a conversation.

"I saw your stuff was moved out of the cockpit."

"Yeah Garrus insisted I share Shepard's old room with him. I think it's too cold in there for Turians. The guy is probably just using me as a space heater."

"What?" The word slips out before he's done processing Joker's words. So that's why he was up there. Well the two of them mourning together was probably better then either spiraling alone. Kaidan hopes it helps.

"Clean thoughts only Lieutenant." He flicks a spoonful of food at Kaidan. The pale brown oatmeal lands on his cheek. Too exhausted to care, Kaidan flicks off the slimy food. "I'm sleeping on the couch. If he wants to replace Shepard with little old me, Garrus will have to step up his game. Not to mention get a whole new face." Joker waves his spoon around casually. "And body type. And stop being turian somehow."

Kaidan laughs. He wasn't entirely sure how much of that was a joke but most of him didn't want to know. The small part that did was one he had plenty of skill at restraining during work hours. Which were pretty much all hours now. When was the last time he took a break? His heart breaks as he recalls. It was at Shepard's party. He fell asleep in the poker room. It was the first night in years that he slept without nightmares. The last one before a new kind of nightmare began again. Pain sears through his head. It starts at the back of his neck as the migraines always do. Focusing on the pain, Kaidan takes a deep breath. Focus, and dismiss. Focus and dismiss. He repeats the mental chat slowly ignoring the old pain.

"Kaidan,"

Shaking his head Kaidan squeezes his eyes shut. "Yeah Joker?" He pinches his nose. His headaches were getting worse. He thought that there was no way for the side effects to get worse. After all his years dealing with them, he had grown used to the pain. Ever since they fought Cerberus in those creepy labs the pain had increased tenfold.

Joker looks concern for a moment. His mouth moves, but nothing comes out. Hugging his beer to his chest, Joker rolls his eyes. He takes a swig from it. "Nothing." He turns the chair away. Kaidan sighs as he looks down on the back of Joker's head. Things have bene tense between them. Not as tense as Kaidan and Garrus' relationship right now, but it never really recovered. This was probably the longest they've talked since, well since forever it feels like.

"If you have something to say, say it." He didn't have time for this. Nothing had ever stopped Joker from speaking his mind before. This was the last time he'd ask. Since Joker's learn to keep his thoughts to himself, Kaidan would leave him to it.

"It's nothing."

Any hope Kaidan had been retaining was gone. Joker always needed the last word. Even with the commander. Was there friendship really so beyond repairing? Kaidan rubs his arms nervously. He can't help but wonder when it got past the point of salvation. Was it the stand-off with Shepard? Could it be that he didn't quit the alliance and follow Joker and Chakwas to Cerberus? Or did it go even further.

Back to the moment when Kaidan pulled Joker's life pod open, hoping that what he heard on the mics wasn't what he feared. That somehow it was just static mimicking the dying gasp of the woman he's been in love with for the better half of a year. Yet Joker's face told all. No matter how much he tried to hide it behind his hands. The tears were clear. They had all listened to Shepard's last breath. She died, for Joker.

"Have a goodnight Joker."

"Yeah." The response is automatic, unfeeling. The pilot gazes over towards EDI's body. The space seemed to shrink around him. Darkness grows from the corners of the room. Joker doesn't react to it. For a moment Kaidan wonders if he should say something. Give out a warning.

Instead Kaidan closes his eyes. Slowly, but steadily he walks away. Shoving back against the pain from the migraine that's been pounding inside his head all day. Quietly he mutters to himself. "I'm just tired. I need to sleep." Guilt gnaws at him. There were still tasks people expected him to do today, but his exhaustion pushes back against the guilt. What was that thing he always told Shepard?

As if summoned he could hear her voice whisper to him, "You're no good to anyone like this." A shiver crawls along his back. Tightly he clenches his fists shut. That's right. If all you do is push past your exhaustion then you never really recover from it. Liara needs everyone at their best, and with Garrus and Joker decidedly not, he had to make up for it.

The elevator hums were comforting as it moves down. They were almost enough to lull Kaidan asleep in the corner of the elevator. His eyes started to drift close when the old ping attempts to go off. The high note dies off in a fizz. He'll ask Tali to take a look at it tomorrow. Just because the ping wasn't working right didn't mean the whole elevator was damaged, but just to be safe he'll have it looked at. Better safe then sorry. Maybe he'll take a look at it's manual. If he can make hide or tail of it then there would be no reason to bother Tali at all.

With heavy shoulders, burdened by a day of work, Kaidan lumbers out of the elevator. The memorial wall greets him. It was quickly becoming a familiar friend. Damn near as familiar as the names that fill it out. "All these years," his voice drifts away with his thoughts. Carefully, he thumbs some dust off of Ashely's name. His other hand wipes down the space where Shepard's tag should be. Garrus must still have it, somewhere.

All in all the fact that the only names on the list were Ashely's, Jenkin's, and the crew who died alongside Shepard in the first Normandy crash was amazing. Shepard had really gone above and beyond to save every souls he could. She even refused to fire on him. Didn't let Garrus, or Liara pull the trigger either. After all the times he's let her down, and she still bothered to save him too. How lucky was he?

Remorsefully he pulls his hands back. "Goodnight."

In the starboard room he narrows his eyes and focuses on the table in the corner of the room. It's still where it always is, squared right there in the corner right in front of the bookshelves. One clean, empty glass sits in the middle of table. He drops into the chair, and immediately sinks into it. The tension doesn't leave his body so much as spreads around it. There's no such thing as relaxing when you've crash-landed on a planet, in the middle of who knows where, completely cut off from the rest of the galaxy.

His hand aches as he moves it back towards the bookshelf. Vainly he attempts to steady his fingers. They continue to throb, and twitch even as they wrap around the cool, glass neck of his bottle of brandy. He never really much of a drinker. In the past Kaidan rarely looked at the stuff. If it wasn't shore leave, he wouldn't even buy it. After Shepard's death he started keeping a bottle on hand. Not that he drank form it often. One bottle often lasted him two or three months. A cup every now and then to help him sleep. Then she came back, and he was offered one position after another to keep him quiet. To push back on the warnings he tried to spout about the reapers.

Kaidan hadn't been as steadfast as Tali. He hadn't even come close to being as loud about them as Garrus had been. No, but he was loyal. Loyal to the alliance like his father before him. Just like he thought Shepard and Ashley would be if they were still around. So he focused on himself and climbed the ranks. Acting the same way he always had.

The bottle lid clinks as it taps on the table and against his glass. His hand still aches, and the fingers don't stop twitching even as he dips the bottle. When the cup is halfway full, Kaidan stops. He fastens the lid back onto the bottle, and slips it behind the bookshelf again. The chair squeaks. Carefully, as if the glass could shatter from his grasp alone, Kaidan lifts it. Dipping his head, he holds the cup above himself.

"Cheers," the word escapes him before he's really thought of what he'll say. This happens every night. Again and again he wants to say something meaningful. He only ever ends up saying, "Shepard, Ashley, Jenkins." They were soldiers. Some were more skilled than others, but still soldiers. Until their end. "We won the war." His mouth is sore as the brandy makes it's way down. Finally his hand stops twitching.

He wishes he hadn't doubted Shepard.

Setting the glass down Kaidan rubs at his eyes. The migraine was still there. No matter what he does, the medicine he takes, how much he drinks, even if he goes to sleep early, it doesn't leave him. He carries it around, like a leech stuck to the back of his neck as it drains him of all his strength. This one started as they landed to pick up Shepard's away team on the final attack. It became more bothersome as they flew off. The pounding growing faster the further they fled. He didn't want to tell Joker to leave, bit he had. Someone needed to make the call. Kaidan was the only spectre left on the ship. He was the highest ranking alliance officer as well. It had to be him. So he stood behind Joker, certain in their lack of voice. One hand on the back of Joker's chair. The other on Joker's shoulder as they took off. He can still seem them leaving. See Earth and Shepard leave their view. As they took off, he let go of Joker, and reached for the window. His fingers casually rubbed against the glass closest to him. EDI staring at Joker from her chair.

If he knew what would happen next, he would have made them leave sooner. Order Joker to leave sooner. Maybe to fly faster, if he could. Anything to race away from that deadly red light. If EDI was still here she could cheer Joker up.

All of them have lost. Shepard's dead. Yet there she is, standing by his now open window. She must've opened it when he wasn't watching. Outside the dark forest peers back. The leaves move gingerly, as Ashely laughs.

"Skipper, LT is having drinks without us." She's sitting on the couch now, arms sprawled out along the back of it. Some of the ends of her long, well kept, black hair are burnt. The faint smell of smoke fills the air. Kaidan takes another swig of his drink. Actively he chooses to ignore the small spots of sunburn starting to form all over her body. Kaidan tightens his grip on his class. He doesn't see them growing redder and larger. Shepard smiles at Ash, before winking, and looking back out the window.

Unlike Williams, Shepard looked different every time she appears. Sometimes she has that old scar on her face again. The one from Akuze that Cerberus did away with, other times she covered in blood and wounds. Once she stood there drenched head to toe in sweat and dirt a smirk on her face. A smirk that looked an awful lot like the one she has now. At least the part of it he can see from his seat.

Right now Shepard looked pristine. She was back in her customized, red, and blue N7 armor with purple highlights. The last thing he saw her wear. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, matching Ashley's. Every scar was gone.

"Come on Skipper, a little teasing might make him lighten up." Ash smiles at him. Kaidan looks away. "I thought Garrus was a hardass,"

"Lighten up Ash. Kaidan had a long day." He almost tells her that she can call him K. As long as she's alive she can call him anything she wants. He'll even apologize for what he said at her place. Anything. Just don't be dead. Kaidan stops himself though. That wasn't Shepard. Even if she was alive, she's not here. This isn't real.

"He's had-" The pain in the back of his neck spikes again. Every part of his forehead throbs as the two continue on the conversation without him. Kaidan stares at his nearly empty glass. They aren't real. Ash and Shepard, they're not here. They aren't sitting on his couch, or leaning against the window, or burning alive, or laying dead on the floor behind his couch. None of them are real.

Wincing from the pain Kaidan rests his head down on his arms. Their voices grow distant. Smoke fills the room. It floods his nose, and burns his eyes. Kaidan shuts them and tightens his grip on his class. Their faces are still there as he drifts off. The sound of his door being thrown open was like a faraway dream.

Chapter Text

Ashley had an iron grip around Shepard's hand. Oddly it's warm and soft like a heated blanket was wrapped around. Safe. Shepard squeezes her hand. Ashley doesn't even glance back. Her body was hunched forward, head first, her other hand steady as it holds her gun. It's the only part of her body that isn't shaking with adrenaline. A soldier's body. Her mind is in the sprint, the fight. The same as she had been back then.

Shepard doesn't even have to struggle to keep up with Ashley. In fact she could easily catch up too and match the other woman's pace, but she doesn't. Some part of her holds back. She stays trailing behind her old friend. Her eyes watch as the tight bun on the back, bounces. Stray strands of hair poking out here and there. It's the shakes like the rest of her. Every part of her moves as she runs, except for the hand with the gun. Running, just like Shepard had. She took off, and never looked back. The dark feels stifling now. Suffocating her from the inside out. Shepard left Earth, left the red suns, and even Alex behind.

And isn't that exactly what she did too Ashley too?

Shepard winces at the thought. Ashley flickers from view. The younger human reappears just as quickly. Feeling guilty, Shepard looks away. It's true. That was exactly what she did. A choice had to be made, and before the choice was even finish, she left. The Normandy took off. She can still picture the image of the bombs going off perfectly as they soar through space. Putting distance, and time between themselves and Ashley. Had she been running at the end? As she set up the bomb, did she look like this?

The other woman flickers out of sight again. Shepard keeps her hand cupped, and holds it still out in front of her. Desperately she waits. Ashley will come back. She has to come back.

Please come back.

The gunnery chief suddenly reappears from the dark. Her hand refills the empty space it left behind. That hole in Shepard's chest fills. She's back. Ashley squeezes her hand back. A delayed, but not unwelcomed gesture. Still nothing was fixed. Not permanently. Ashely was still flickering. It's now or never.

"I didn't want to leave you behind."

Ashley's head turns. Her sharp brown eyes stick to Shepard's face. Face unreadable, as once again she leaves.

Just as soon as Ashley was gone, another old face takes her face. The first person Shepard ever ran too. Her first friend since Alex, and fellow N7 recruit. His long curly amber hair was braided down the middle of his head, all the way to the middle of his shoulders. Sweet, cool blue eyes fix their gaze on her. They almost remind her of another pair of eyes. She chases that thought, trying to remember whose, but it's gone. A white rabbit her mind just can't follow to it's hole.

"Keep up Shepard." His voice is cheeky as he uses what he thinks is a whispering tone. At this point she can't tell if he knows how loud he's being or not. His hand is warm in hers. A strange, yet comforting feeling. When was the last time she went off with someone like this? Just running and laughing like a kid again. An ache in her chest has an answer. It knows. Shepard ignores it.

Buckley slows down as they reach the gym. There were always some of their instructor hanging out around here. At all hours. He pokes his head out around the corner. When he's smirking as he pulls it back. A quick jab with his thumb and they were off. This was just supposed to be a late night celebration. A momentary break between the madness of the program. Now they were N6s. Tomorrow was the final test. If it was ever going to be their time to enjoy the accomplishment it'll be now. Even if the program frown upon immature celebrations. Buckley was confident, and Shepard, well she followed him. A part of her knew she'd pass. Not that she told anyone as that sounded far too arrogant. The two round the corner. Giggling with excitement as they run.

Their respite ended in a flash. Suddenly Colonel Anastasia Acker, the instructor in charge of training Shepard's unit was right in their path She blocks their path with a sour expression. Looking as if she just smelled rotten eggs, Instructor Acker gaze down her short nose at the two. Her brown hair was cut short. It barely came to the midpoint of her cheeks. Short, choppy, yet neat. Most would have been told that look was unprofessional, but no one dare spoke to Acker that way. Not even Shepard who was once told her gall could single handedly be the downfall of the Alliance.

"Shepard, Buckley." The two halted on the spot. Shepard tears her hand out of Buckley's. He looks back. A pained expression crosses his face. Then he tightens his jaw and stands taller as he faces Colonel Acker. Shepard ignores the guilt that strikes her chest. The two trainees both fold their hands behind their backs and stand at attention.

Acker stands taller, or maybe they shrunk. Shepard thought that was impossible. Colonel Acker already stood so tall, she towered the pair. Even when running with the red suns, no one ever made Shepard feel so small. Maybe it was because in her core Shepard understands Acker. The other woman knew it too. In many ways the two of them were similar. Too alike to get along. Two of a kind that can't avoid each other. If they hadn't met here in the program then they would have met elsewhere. Maybe with Acker in command of her in some ship, far off into deep space. Probably investigating the Attican traverse. Some Admiral or general would've sent them off, expecting them to fail.

They could succeed. If it was the two of them Shepard was positive they could. If only they had met that way. Right now such hypotheticals were a distant comfort. Some faraway escape that was being torn away from her by the very gaze of the woman who had taken center stage in them. Far off fire fights, and discoveries of unknown worlds disappear under the steel cold gaze of her serious brown eyes. They hold the unwavering gaze of a face carved into an old tree. Staring endlessly on, forever. Piercing the souls of all who dare to meet them.

Colonel Acker doesn't bother to ask why they're out after curfew. Fuck. In fact the angry curve in the corner of her lip told Shepard she had plenty of ideas as to why they're wandering around. She knows. Shepard knows that she knows. She has too. Pointlessly Shepard takes two steps away from Buckley. Not behind but off to the left of him. She wouldn't leave him here to get lectured alone. Fuck there wouldn't even be a lecture if they're unlucky. They might just get thrown out. Shepard could feel her worry churning into panic before finally Acker speaks again.

"Return to your room now Buckley, or your time in this program will be over."

For a moment Shepard worries that he'll argue. That the pause between Acker's order and his response was filled with mutinous ideas. Don't risk it. She wanted to whisper. It's not worth it, she doesn't say. Finally Buckley looks back at her. His blue eyes waiting. If she wanted him to fight he would. That's something she couldn't allow. So Shepard shakes her head. Then she jerks her chin back to Acker. A superior was waiting. He needed to respond.

"Yes ma'am." With a salute, Buckley falls back into his place. He conforms the way they all do. Even here in a place that was meant to train unique, out of the box thinking, an order was the one thing soldiers like them weren't good at arguing against.

Shepard could feel Buckley's eyes dig a hole into the side of her face as he walks away. He can stare all he wants. She won't look back. With every hollow, distancing step Shepard accepts what he'll realize eventually. This is the end.

Closing her eyes Shepard could briefly imagine a different scenario. One where the two of them clasped their hands tightly together and ran off, happily form the program. The relationship wouldn't get further then their first deployment. The thrill of having stood up to the N7 program, of rejecting it instead of waiting for it to reject them, will wear off by then. He'll never forgive her. Buckley will say forever that she gave up too quickly. He'll ask where her fight was, and she won't have an answer. Shepard never has answers. Not for Buckley, or Kaidan, or Alex, or even Garrus. She just keeps trying. Just keeps moving. Shepard sighs. Buckley's footsteps were gone. What they could have been was fun. It just wouldn't last.

Graduating from the N7 program would. She's come too far to blow this shot now. Lost too much.

"Fraternization is highly discouraged." Were they really going to have this conversation now? Right here in the hallway? Acker really has no mercy. Then again if any of her peers were out now and could hear the upcoming lecture they were also breaking the rules.

"I know ma'am."

"Then explain to me why you would risk your place in this program, your test tomorrow, for a, what? Thirty minutes of running down halls and sneaking around."

Shepard's eyes widen as she realize what went wrong. Somehow Acker had managed to work through her corruption on the cameras. They were supposed to be play a feedback loop of the thirty second before the pair ran by. Then they would return to normal. It was simple clockwork. A hack Shepard had deployed several times during her time as an engineer, and soldier for the alliance.

"Ma'am we shouldn't have been out. I'm sorry ma'am." Acker narrows her eyes. Shepard quick bows her head.

"Return to your room Shepard. You've already put yourself at enough of a disadvantage." Shepard forces her head to stay down. "Dismissed."

Shepard falls back into the formalities. She raises her hand to her head and salutes Acker before walking away. Quietly she swallows down all the words she wants to say. None of them mattered in the face of Acker's disappointment.

Of all the ways to start the final test it had to be like this. As soon as that thought crosses her mind Shepard is geared up and in a UT-38 Kodiak Drop shuttle. Shepard stands from her seat from confusion. How did she- "Down Shepard!" Acker orders from her seat across from her.

Shepard grabs for the railing above her head, just in time as the shuttle shakes. Barely she catches herself. Acker rolls her eyes before looking away. "Drop off in 5 minutes. Suit up Shepard."

Nodding, Shepard pushes her helmet on. She hooks up the air tanks to the back of her suit and prepares her parachute. Using her jets now could set her tank on fire. An unnecessary difficulty N7 was putting her through. One she assumes, all the candidates were going through.

"Good luck." Acker says suddenly standing in front of Shepard. She pats Shepard's shoulder before pushing her out of the kodiak. Commander Shepard hadn't even realized she was standing in front of the doors, let alone that they were open.

Flailing for a few seconds, Shepard takes a deep breath. This is fine. She'll survive. Opening her eyes slowly, she cans her surroundings. Few trees, little grass, the dirt was a dry sandy brown color. Maybe it'll be soft when she lands. That would be one thing in her favor, for as far as she could see as she tumbles through the air, there was no water. At least not near. Letting her parachute open, Shepard prepares for a rough landing.

Momentarily she closes her eyes. Just briefly enough to blink away her confusion of what had happened in the kodiak above. Instead of crashing into the sand like dirt, Shepard is standing on the ground. Her boots have sunken about half an inch within the dirt. It's soft. Could be difficult terrain to run in, but it makes walking easier on her feet.

In her helmet, or perhaps through her head, a voice cuts through Shepard's confusion. "You have one objective. Survive. Eventually you will run out of air. Make sure you aren't the first, or you will be dismissed form the program." There's a sudden gust of wind that blows against her body. The voice disappears with it.

Silence. That's what Shepard's left with. Silence and a goal. Immediately she gets to work.

-

The first day went by in what felt like a quick 50 meter dash. So akin to that feeling it was, that Shepard would occasionally look for an invisible competitor. Someone she could use to reason why she was running everywhere. The fact that she would end up places and couldn't remember which way she came from, Shepard chalked up to the dehydration.

Her first day ended when Shepard was still trying to find shelter, and water. Instead she finds a large boulder with some smaller rocks scattered around it. Shepard stacks the rocks on top of each other. The makeshift wall was about as wide as her waist, but barely came up to her knees. As a first like of defense it's nothing at all. Still it could obscure her sleeping form. Even if it's just a little bit, that could save her life. She's been lucky so far not to run into any wild animals.

Luck won't be in her favor forever.

Day 2 decided to prove her correct.

Shepard had slept with her gun in her hand. Just like always. The feel of the butt of her weapon embraced by her fingers, was comforting. More comforting then a hug had ever been. Weapons she knows. So of course she woke up the moment she couldn't feel that solid weight in her hands anymore.

Her heart sped up. Anxiety feeds into her adrenaline. Shepard forces her body to stay down. Carefully, slowly, she opens up one eye. Maybe it was just an animal. Some curious creature who lacks the knowledge that it's smart to avoid humans. Instead what Shepard sees is her untouched rock wall.

"Where the fuc-"

"Over here Shepard." Another voice calls, interrupting her profanity. Pushing herself up form the ground she looks for the voice's source. A turian stands on the other side of her pathetically small wall. His mandible expands, before chittering away, slowly tucking back against his jaw. Sure enough at his feet was her gun.

"Thanks Nihlus." The spectre says nothing. He simply turns around and leaves. Shepard stares at the blue hole in the back of his head, until the turian disappears into the vast, empty land. How did he- her thoughts drift off. A soft numbing in her head, locking the answer away.

"Right. Next step, water." Shepard stated aloud as she checks her gun. It was still loaded. Aside from some dirt in the muzzle it was clean. Still functional then. Good.

It was hours before she finally found any water. Shepard would routinely pick up a handful of dirt and let the grains drop back into the soil. She walked into the wind, instead of the way it blows. It was a reckless bet. Hoping that the air would grow cooler, and lead her to water. As reckless as following whichever way it decided to blow in. Neither guaranteed her water. Both led her away from her shelter.

Staying still was the greatest risk of all. No Shepard moves. Her oxygen tanks sounding off methodically as she does so.

She has a mission. Survive. It's the same mission that every pivotal moment of her life could boil down too. Survival.

Shepard bites her lips. With narrowed eyes she picks up another handful of dirt. She'll get through this, she always does.

When she finds water, it's near the first tree she's seen since arriving here. Perhaps this place was a moon. It was so barren, and empty like Earth's single companion. "Where's yours?" A fast paced, calm voice asks. His insatiable curiosity made itself known. Always with the questions. If only she had answers. In truth she doesn't know where he is.

That was the point of this test. Separation was meant to show who could survive alone, and was worthy of this title. She would prove herself worthy. In the core of her being Shepard knows she belongs with the N7s.

Eventually she does come along a stream. It was a weak spindly stream of water. There was barely any flowing down the darkened previously carved out path. Water probably use to go down this way gallons at a time from the way the soil looks. Shepard lets out a sigh as she follows the stream up. Hopefully there will be more down the way, until now she'll just have to rely on her suit's limited supplies.

Shepard second day ends with her finding shelter in the form of a crater a few feet away from the water. It was downwind from the stream. That was a plus. Not to mention it went deep enough that her head could disappear inside it when she sits down. Just large enough to hide her body. Perfect.

As soon as she closed her eyes she was opening them again. The sudden shift of weight in her suit woke her up. A quiet changing of gears in the oxygen tanks behind her back shot adrenaline and fear through Shepard. Instinctively she reaches for the back of her neck. Everything was fastened correctly. It was just one of the tanks running our completely.

"Well fuck." Reflexive panic aside, Shepard could breathe again. A little too deeply. Who ever thought suffocating would feel so familiar.

Shepard jumped to her feet. Setting to work on unhooking the tank she gave it once over before a brilliant idea struck. She could turn the former oxy tank into an air recycler. It was a pretty basic can, but should still have all the absolutely necessary components. Everything else was superfluous. Add-ons to convince the untrained eyes that one needed it all to be perfectly safe. Even if some of those add-ons were guards to keep the can from blowing up. Shepard moves to push her sleeves up. An old habit. Now they only touch the total encasing of specially made armor and go to work. Time for her to test out her old, middle of the class, engineering skills. She couldn't be a master at everything, and Shepard always preferred to think of herself as a jack of all trades. A master of at least one.

The day was spent by the river, turning the extra tank into a recycler. When dawn turned into noon trouble came, as it often does. Nothing could be entirely easy or peaceful. Her only heads up was the loud growling from a distance. Shepard stood ready to protect her recycler, and her life. By the time the battle would be over she'd be dependent on the former for the latter.

It was a pack of at least eight large, long tooth, saber cat looking creatures. Some had horns sticking out of their skulls. Others decidedly did not. Fucking evolution, always trying to make everything deadly.

"Come on Shepard you've killed bigger assholes then this!" The steady certainness of a soldier's voice comes from Shepard's right.

"That doesn't make this one any less of a threat Ash." Shepard corrects as one of the animals charge at her. It lunges straight for her throat, and Shepard let loose a clip in it's neck. The creature dropped dead. At least they weren't immune to her gunfire. Growling, crying for blood after their dead companion the rest of the creatures attack.

"Tear it apart like we ripped the maw to shreds, Shepard!" A low, changing voice shouts from her right. 

"Trying to Grunt!" Shepard smacks another of the creatures back with the butt of her gun. With a shrill high-pitched call it rolls away in the sandy dirt. Despite these creatures having lived on this planet they weren't very well adapted to the land. Maybe they were like her. Displaced for the sake of training. With all the other uncover missions the Alliance undertakes only to regret them later, terraforming planets, and irreversibly alternating their ecosystems was probably the most common. Even a lowly engineer like Shepard knows how important allowing evolution to occur is.

Shepard looks to her left. Ash ducks as a creature jumps over her. It lands on top of one of the others. A second charges the soldier. Ashley grabs it, holding it's long front legs away from herself. It bites at her face, as her hands struggled to keep it's front legs away. Both herself and the creature show signs of decay. From Ashley's burns growing and tunneling down into her, and the creatures bleeding gash on it's side. The two were evenly matched.

Shepard looks to her right. Unsurprisingly Grunt was tearing through these animals with little difficulty. Aggressive and always ready for a fight. In many ways similar to Ashley, but at their cores there's a calmness Ashley has mastered, and a destructive instinct in Grunt no soul could match. Not even Wrex. A shield on her left and a sword on her right. Her left and right hands.

"If only it could have lasted." A third, quieter, dual tone voice whispers from behind her. Panic rises in her, threatening to overwhelm, and force her to use up more of her limited air supply.

Shepard whirls around on her heels. Gun ready, she searches for the source. Instead there's the faint line of a visor over her eye, and it draws her attention straight towards one of the animals charging at full speed towards the air recycler.

"That didn't happen last time!" Shepard shouts, as she takes aim. Her mind becomes clouded with confusion. What last time? There wasn't a last time. This is happening now! Focus! Shepard pushes her thoughts back as she steadies her armed hand. With a shallow breath, she narrows her eyes. Everything disappears except for what was in her visor's line of sight. So perfectly meticulously it had been crafted to be the perfect aid. Shepard fires, and the bullet cuts through the air. The visor was following it the entire time, up until the shot disappeared in the creature's skull.

The group of attackers falls back. Rounding up together they took count of their losses, and saw who among them still stands. Keep looking, Shepard wanted to say. Keep thinking about what this attack cost you, and then turn around. Not that these creatures had the cognitive abilities to negotiate. She doubts they adapted to recognize a lost battle. With their kind of ferocity perhaps they were the top of the food chain here, wherever, and whichever planet it was she was dropped on.

Shepard keeps her eyes on them, guns pointed at their heads, as she slowly walks backwards towards her recycler. Shepard crouches behind the device. Quickly, one gun still pointed at the pack. With one hand moving like lightning, Shepard powers her finished recycler up.

"Thane cover my back!" Shepard calls out as the device powers on. Sure enough a shadow moves across her vision, faster then light. He chases the pack off. Perfect. Now she had time to hook her air recycler up. Shepard fiddles with the back of her suit. Next to the oxygen tank she can feel another latch. Usually it was for an extra tank, but Shepard knew the schematics of her suit perfectly. She made the recycler to fit into that plug perfectly. After all it was made from the parts of an old oxygen tank.

The tank hooks on with a soft click. A familiar whirring sound fills Shepard with relief. For a little bit longer, she would have air. The recycler couldn't make it, but it could process carbon dioxide and turn it back into oxygen. Though as a machine it could only do this in a set amount of time, and not as quickly as Shepard was using up her breath. It wasn't perfect, and she would still run out, but at least she could last a little longer.

Shepard keeps moving. It no longer mattered if she could find water or food anymore. All she needed was shelter. A place to lie low and relax. That way she could slow her breathing, and get out of sight in case another pack of animals came by.

Maybe it was hours later, or simply minutes, Shepard wasn't sure as her legs gave out. They buckle up under the knees. The sandy dirt is tossed into the air. Every grain desperate to not be trapped under her body. The air was thin. This was it. Casually, as if she wasn't on death's door, she raises her head. Her eyes cling to the orange skyline. It shifts to a familiar blue under her gaze. No sign of the N7 kodiaks. Maybe they weren't coming. Damn.

If she was a krogan her second organs would be kicking in moments after her air ran out. They would only gift her a few more moments, but maybe then she would be saved. Maybe. Shepard lets her head fall. Embracing her mortality she takes one last long breath. Her lungs struggle to fill with air. Immediately her body coughs. It attempts to suck more air in even as it pushes the last of her breaths out. This was it. Shepard falls onto her side. She imagines the ground beneath her is soft, despite her armor keeping her perfectly shielded from it. Soft like a bed.

Her body starts to convulse. Trying to be mentally anywhere else, Shepard attempts to close her eyes. Her body fights against her. Never even budging the heavy lids. Even that was too much.

"Do you remember the best bed we ever slept in?" With their soft, soprano voice, Alex all but sings the question out. Their voice was a melody Shepard had been longing for. She couldn't move her head, but she knew, Alex was there. Curly dark hair appears in the distance. Soft brown eyes turn to smile at Shepard. Erratically her body was still rejecting the air. Any moment now and they would be reunited.

Alex steps closer. Their feet next to Shepard's helmet. They crouch down and tenderly move the helmet up. Shepard was thankful for this allowed her to see Alex's face. Their haunting sweet brown eyes, a comfort. "Do you remember?" And Shepard does. She remembers the way that old man had let them rest in his room for the night. Alex had worked all day at the clinic. Their feet were bleeding from all the effort. Roberts, for once, apologized. He never should've pushed Alex too hard. It was so easy for everyone to forget, they were just kids, even back then.

Roberts bed had been soft. For the first time in her life, Shepard couldn't sleep at all. Even as Alex drifted off immediately in her arms. A warm, heavy blanket on top of them. Real pillows beneath their heads. It was bliss. Yet she stayed awake. Her green eyes trained on the door. Ready to pull the gun her trainer had given her. Just in case. She had hidden it away from Alex, but nothing could hide the exhaustion she carried with her the next day. "You could always fall asleep anywhere Shepard, except there." Alex continues a sad playfulness in their voice. Alex brings their face closer. "I need you to stay awake here Shepard. Stay awake." Alex places their hands on either side of Shepard's face. She could practically feel them through the metal. Those soft fingers, perfect even after all their hard work, gently caressing her cheeks. Promises that all the scars would heal. That every cut on her face was worth it.

"I'll try Alex." And she did. For what felt like an eternity Shepard fought to stay alert. To keep her conscious. Alex stayed beside her the entire time. Sitting comfortably beside Shepard, caressing her face. Their thumb was smaller then Shepard remembered. It's route across her cheeks was still the same. Two small circles, before it would go up to the bottom of her eyes, and slide back down across her skin towards the corner of her smile, and then back to encircling around the rest of her cheek. Mapping out every scar on Shepard's face. Their thumb drifts across a new scar. One Shepard had just earned. A cut from the bottom of her ear, that goes back and down towards her jawline. An accident. A mark that would later be erased. A scar she got from saving another. Her friend, the other human spectre.

"You have to be more careful Shepard." Alex chides as they reach the bottom of the scar. Shepard moves to hold their hand. To keep Alex there. Instead her hands cut through air, and cup around the back of her neck. They wrap around the tubes as if that'll keep the air coming. The problem wasn't a leak. She had simply ran out.

"Good job Shepard." Alex praises patting her cheeks. Shepard's visions goes black as her body passes out. Alex face, highlighted by orangish-blue skies was her last image.

-

Cold metal is the first sensation that comes back with her sense of touch. The first of her five senses to return. The second is her hearing. The steady chime of a clock ticking away time fills her ears. Shepard wasn't sure if her sense of smell wasn't working, or if where she was just smelled like nothing at all. Nor could she taste anything. Then again when was the last time she ate? Had she at all on that planet? Shepard shakes moves to shake her head, but her stiff neck aches, and she stops moving. Finally Shepard opens her eyes.

She was in a small dark room. A cold, uncomfortable, metal chair sits empty in front of her. Undoubtedly it was the same kind that she was set up in. A perfectly square, grey table between.  It matched the rest of the room. The walls are also a muted grey. Entirely unremarkable, Shepard barely glanced around before deciding to wait. Looks like she was still alive. Clearly the N7 recovery squad made it in time. Alex will just have to wait a little longer. That's for the best. Shepard runs a hand through her hair. Where was Acker?

As if summoned by Shepard's thoughts the older woman appears. The wall in front of Shepard opens up, lifting to reveal the strict faculty. Her hair was messy. Random strands pull free here and there, as if she had just taken off a helmet. A manila folder was tucked into her arm. Without a word Acker pulls out the chair. With a sigh she drops the manila folder onto the table.

"Colonel Acker." Shepard nods politely. Acker nods back as she takes a seat.

"Congratulations are in order Shepard. Never has another trainee ever had such a close call during this last stage."

And so it begins. "Ma'am?"

"Never has any soldiers ever let the local fauna get so close to their tanks before. It's impressive you survived such a close encounter at all, due to how sloppy the situation was for it to even get that far." Acker taps her fingers against the table. She folds one leg over the other, and looks towards the grey walls. They shift under her gaze. Every panel becoming outlined by some golden metal. The dull greys become clearer, almost see through.

As Acker's fingers momentarily break from their repetitive task, an image of Shepard fighting off the pack plays on one of the walls to their left.

"I'm sorry I let them get that far." Maybe it had been sloppy on her part, but it had worked out. She scared them off, and managed to survive. Not only did she survive, but she passed. It's official! She made it through the N7 program!

"Indeed. So what will the newest N7 do with her future I wonder."

Find the Normandy was her immediate thought. An instinctual feeling calling out to her, pushing her to find it. Not yet, states her reason. That hasn't happened yet. How had she answered before? Movement behind Acker catches Shepard's eyes. She looks up to see the walls had shrunk from four grey things, to dozens of smaller, framed walls. Shepard watches keenly as images of her pass by behind Acker. The graduation ceremony, Akuze, the Normandy, Nihlus' death, her initiation into the spectres. These were cameras, or screened walls. They weren't even walls. Instead they were like windows, or mirrors.  Playing moments of her future, and past. Shepard twists in her chair to see her and Garrus' first meeting in the council hall.

"I don't know." Shepard lies, still staring at Garrus' face.

"Pay attention soldier!" Acker demands calling Shepard's attention back. "It's unbecoming to be so distracted when you've just achieved the impossible."

"The impossible?" Shepard twists back in her seat. At the sound of that word all the images in the windows change. They play all of her other 'impossible' moments. Surviving Akuze, activating a prothean beacon, becoming a spectre, bringing together a crew of humans and aliens alike, meeting Harbinger, stopping Saren, coming back from the dead, defeating a thresermaw on foot with Grunt, surviving the suicide mission with her whole squad intact, and getting the galaxy to unite against the reaper threat. Nearly too late. Just what made any of this impossible?

"Indeed. Your little trick worked to increase your air supply. You not only passed the program, but are our longest lasting initiate. In fact your device made it very tricky to track how much air you had left. All of our machines back here were entirely befuddled. That nearly got you killed." Acker raises an eyebrow as she finally fixes her gaze on Shepard. So that was why she nearly died. "It was smart, but ultimately harmful to yourself." Acker taps her fingers again. "As are most of your methods."

"Yes ma'am." If this was to be a lecture, Shepard would bear it. She'll bear it all. So long as it ends eventually.

"Surprisingly your self-destructive ways only came out in the individual tests. Whenever you were working in teams you often found a better way, that did not harm yourself." How is that surprising? Of course she was going to use methods that keep the team together. That's just good teamwork. "It hints at a concern the program has with you Shepard."

"What's that, ma'am?" Shepard looks back at the windows. They were playing moments in time she got herself hurt. Perfectly aiding support to Acker's claims.

"We are not worried that you care not about your own survival. How fiercely you fought on that moon proved you do. Yet you always put others above yourself when in a team unit. Even when placed in a leadership role." Acker casually runs her thumb along the edge of the folder. Threatening to open it. "It's curious. I shall watch your career with great interest."

"Thank you." Shepard forces with practiced politeness.

Acker looks her over. Tired, bored eyes digging into every inch of Shepard. Searching for, something. Shepard's eyes dart towards the folder. She had questions of her own. Even if they weren't all backhanded compliments like Ackers. "Ma'am I have a few questions myself."

"I imagine you do, but I have one last question for you Shepard. How serious are you about this?"

Seriously? Even now her determination was being questioned! Why would she have gone through all of this if she wasn't certain about it. A hundred and ten percent she gave to this program. "Very." Shepard answers curtly.

"Really?" Acker puts her leg down and sits up. "Because the title of an N7 requires names wearing it that will be the best humanity has to offer. If you claim the title you'll get the best offers the alliance has." Acker taps the folder with her pointer finger. "However that means you must give your all. We don't give commendations to just anyone Shepard. If you're serious about this we will stand behind you. If you aren't then go now. We'll have one less walking the stage."

"With all due respect ma'am what makes you question my determination?"

Acker nods as if it was only reasonable that Shepard would ask. "It's was your fraternization with your peer. The other night was the most recent of many instances. Many soldiers mix work with pleasure but that brings problems. Problems the N7 doesn't want coming back on us." Shepard grits her teeth. Acker continues. "Soldiers like us don't get families Shepard. If we did we'd only be resented. Of course that means we often turn to those who serve like us for comfort, but that will get messier the higher you climb."

Shepard almost laughs. Barely she stops herself. What did that matter? She just wouldn't date fellow soldiers. Would it really be that easy? Buckley, Kaidan, Liara, Garrus, and Tali appear in the windows now.

"Your friend, Buckley, failed. He'll go far in the alliance, but he'll have more choices. Yes he failed the N7 program but he got as far as N6. That'll help him coast along for a long time, and of course he'll make sure to save some time for personal affairs." "He'll be able to do it all. The job, friends, and have a family. Not like you. Not like us."

"No offense Colonel Acker, but that's a damn lie."

Acker lifts her head. She was now looking down at Shepard yet again. "How so?"

"It's not easy but it's not impossible for soldiers like us to have both a family and do our jobs."

"And how would you know. Look at Anderson. He always planned to have both, but even he couldn't make it work. At least he had the decently to agree not to cause trouble for the program." Acker fixes her steely gaze on Shepard. "Can you say the same? Your embarrassing tenor with Cerberus caused us a world of problems."

"Cerberus was a mistake. It was one I felt like I had to make. Every other option was sealed off. I tried to get away from them. I tried to get back in with the alliance but they weren't going to let me go after the collectors, the reapers! I needed to save them."

"One of many that you made Shepard." Acker looks back at the windows. A series of moments where Shepard messed up play. every shot she could've dodged, every death of a friend. Every moment she got close to someone who then got hurt. Shepard shakes her head. "Who were you trying to save Shepard? Humanity, the galaxy, or your friends."

"They weren't just friends. I found a family on the Normandy." Shepard grips her arms.

"Like the red suns were your family? You found them too. It seems you just keep finding dangerous people and pushing yourself into their lives. Your crew on the second Nomrandy was little more then another gang. You even had Zaeed Massani on it." Acker shakes her head disapprovingly. "Trusting you is a risk Shepard. You're just as likely to get everyone killed as you are yourself. You clearly don't know how to set boundaries either."

"They weren't a gang!" Shepard couldn't stop herself from yelling. "I found a family. They are my family."

"And as I said, no boundaries." Acker was watching the windows in a rather bored manner. As if everything she ever suspected was finally on display.

"I found them." Shepard insists. Her mistakes change into moments of familiarity, and some of tenderness. Her assembling all three of her crews. The missions they went on. Tali's trial, Grunt's team, Kaidan sharing his worries in the dead of night too scared to acknowledge them any other time, the many times Garrus would hesitate before holding her, Wrex's pride as he called her family, and Thane hugging her goodbye as they went their separate ways were all just a handful of the many instances that justified Shepard's closeness to her crew.

"Garrus. Joker. Wrex. Kaidan. Tali. Ashley." Shepard releases her tight grip. Forcing her hands flat against the table she takes a deep breath. "They're my family."

"And look at what happened! They left you behind!" Colonel Acker was holding nothing back. Her neat brown hair, was pulled back in an almost perfect braid didn't even move as she stares Shepard down with her whole being. Wait did she always have a braid? Wasn't her hair short before? Shepard keeps Acker's gaze even as her mind searches for an answer.

In the end it doesn't matter. This prison her mind had conjured was trying to tear her focus away. Trap her and keep her here. Glaring down her former teacher forever. What did Shepard expect? Her to argue fair? Never. To Acker cordiality was little more then an ack to defend the sensibilities of the weak willed, or to mask one's true goals.

"I died! Of course they moved on, that's exactly what I would've wanted them to do. You can't expect people to grieve you forever!"

Sterile eyes stare down at Shepard. Acker pulls her lips back in a snarl. "And how long did they grieve for you?" There was no venom. No curiosity either. Just cold, bitterness.

"Even one day is too long." Ashley winces in the window behind her instructor. She looks down and away, crossing her arms over her chest. She flickers in place before Kaidan replaces her. No. That's not what she meant. Shepard nearly yells come back, but her instructor blocks her view now. Her eyes can't even get a glimpse of Kaidan's black hair now. They're both gone. Ashley was gone.

Shepard sinks back into her seat. Her instructor does the same. The two of them practically mirrored each other now. What a funny joke.

"It's interesting that you think that. However I doubt they mourned you for even that long. So I suppose you got your wish."

"That's," Shepard crosses her arms. "That's not-" When Ashley died Shepard mourned her for a long time. In some ways she was still mourning. Jenkins too. The rest of the crew mourned them too. The ones who knew them. Each in their own way. Tali would occasionally dedicate certain shotgun kills to her. Kaidan would toast and pour an extra glass whenever the two of them celebrated anything. Sometimes he'd even pour two. It helped it feel as if Ash and Jenkins were still there. Wrex and Garrus would stop sometimes in front of her name. And what did she do? Shepard shakes her head. All she did was avoid talking about her. She suppressed it, only allowing herself to miss them when she was alone. At her weakest moments. The same way she always mourned Alex, and her team on Akuze.

"And what of your second crew?" So the sadist wasn't done yet. She intended this to be a massacre. "Were they also your family?"

"Of course. Grunt's a son to me. Thane was one of my closest friends. Mordin was like a brother. Tali, Legion, Jack, Miranda, Jacob, Dr. Chakwas, Joker, I love them all! They are my family!"

"What about Garrus?" She casually opens one of the manila envelopes. It doesn't take long before her short nails dig into the corner of a professional looking photo of Garrus. A headshot. Probably from his time in C-sec. Below the photo, she pulls out several neatly written documents. The words background, skills, and relationships, are bolded among them. A full file on him. Rage fills her chest, who was this woman to spy on her friends, and family, on Garrus?

"What about him?"

"You included him in the first list, but not the second. Tali was mentioned in both."

"Garrus is a special case."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"I want you to tell me."

"Stop this."

"Why is it so hard for you to say?" She pulls out another piece of paper and starts to read from it. "Let me repeat some of this for you. 'No Shepard without Vakarian', right? That one was from you, but lets look at him. 'For whatever it's worth, I'm with you.' Loyal. More so then Buckley I imagine."

"That's not for you to think about."

"There's more. 'Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you: Come back alive,' your boyfriend is quite the flirt isn't he?"

Shepard holds back a smile. "He really is."

"So why did you forget him? Or was leaving him out purposeful? Are you upset with him? Could it be that you're mad at him?" She taps her perfectly cut nails against the table. The cold, click, click, click falls into a pattern. One from this same interview all those years ago. Before she left, before she went to Akuze, before this same woman came to visit her in the hospital asking what had she used the training for.

"To survive."

That catches Acker off guard. "What?"

"You never reveal all the information you possess. Especially about yourself. It can be used against you."

"But that's well known. Your relationship with Garrus is something that's been spread by rumors, probably all across the galaxy by now. Same as your fast friendship with Wrex, or how conveniently you just so happened to have stopped working with Cerberus the moment your death was admitted to have been a ploy, by the council to help you get off the record." Her nails continues to tap. The pattern driving home, digging into a nervous core within Shepard. "No I think you didn't mention him because you're scared. What if you wake up, and he's moved on? Do you even know how long you've been asleep? Where is your body right now? Do you ever wonder?"

That's too many questions. As soon as one lands another comes, and Shepard drops the first to keep up. Yet they all seem to tumblr from her grasp, like beads slipping between her fingers. Just like her crew who she couldn't keep alive. Jenkins, Ashley, Thane, Mordin, and Legion. One by one they all fell. Thane went slow, Jenkins, and Ashley at least had a quick death. She hopes Mordin did too. That he wasn't conscious long in that fire. Legion's seemed quick, but that final moment probably felt like an eternity for him. How long can a Geth conscious stretch one moment? How long was he dying? Shepard shakes her head. It wasn't worth thinking about.

"Shepard. I asked you a question." That same tone she always has. Superior, respectable, with a feeling of finality too it. Acker doesn't notice the changes in the mirrors now. She doesn't see the dead that Shepard does. Legion and Mordin are on either side of Acker's shoulders. Thane and Ashely stand right by their sides. Jenkins is next to Ashley towards the right. He looks small comparatively, scared. As if he'd shatter in place if not for Ashley being with him. Funny. The two had never met.

"You asked me several."

"And I expect answers."

Shepard closes her eyes and replays the conversation in her head. The questions, what were they? She could ask Acker. That stern woman would never repeat herself. Not unless it was to drive home a point, or she had always intended too. This questioning wouldn't end either. Not unless Shepard played along. Eventually her former instructor would be pleased enough. With a deep breath she begins, "I'm not scared."

"That wasn't one of the questions."

It might as well have been. Shepard bites back her tongue before she spouts off again. "Garrus is a grown man. If he's moved on by the time I get back then he's moved on. I can't stop that."

"But you don't want him too."

"No I don't. Of course I wouldn't, but I'm not there right now, am I?"

"Ah, and that brings us to the next two questions."

"No I don't know how long I've been alseep. Sometimes I even forget that I'm asleep. There are moments where I know people are dead, and then I forget even that. I don't know how long I've been like this, and I have no idea where my body is right now. I only wonder when I'm not confused. When for a brief moment I'm the me who's been through everything and not the ones who used to be."

"Where were you when you were last awake?"

Ice fills Shepard's chest. Her last moments. The newest memories were her facing the catalyst, destroying everything. If she's still alive, if this is a dream and not some sort of purgatory then she's still there.

"You've been moved." Her former instructor says it so matter-of-factly Shepard doesn't even bother to wonder how she knows. Clearly some part of her subconscious was relaying the information. If only it could relay it directly to her! Nothing was ever that easy.

"Then I hope I'm with friends, my family." Shepard runs a hand through her hair and sighs. "But I bet it's with the Alliance."

"So what if it is?"

Shepard narrows her eyes and stares her former instructor down once more. "If it's the alliance then I'm better off asleep."

For once Acker seems to agree with her. She nods along and says, "Because once you wake up,"

"The world will be saved but forever changed. They'll need someone to blame."

"And it's always soldiers like us." Acker speaks into her coffee.

Shepard sits up. At attention she watches Acker closely. That's right. Shortly after Shepard had graduated form the N7 program there was a scandal. People died during the final test. Too many people. One or two wasn't normal, but it wasn't shocking due to the strenuous testing the program was famous for. When eight people died one year the program was scrutinized in ways it had never been before. Suddenly it felt like all eyes on Earth were looking at them, staring, watching the spectacle. What was the Alliance going to do? They had to do something to make it safer, but safer meant less efficient, it meant the program would produce less deadly soldiers. They had to find the reason for such a sudden rise in deaths. So found it they did. The N7 program offered one of it's own up on a silver platter. They were the one interrogated, and dragged through the mud to save the programs face. The story was different then. It wasn't that the program had failed but that one of the higher-ups had failed the program. That due to their negligence they let soldiers die.

They took the fall so the program was saved. So N7s would still be trained, and all because she believed it was necessary. Earth needed N7s like the salarians needed the STG, and the council needed spectres.

"Do you now realize the danger you're in?" For once this felt more like a conversation instead of an interrogation. Shepard nods her head slowly. "Good. Then you have a choice."

"Wake up, or stay asleep?"

Acker throws her head back in a fit of laughter. "Oh Shepard, if it was that easy you would already be awake. No, no that's more towards the end of the journey, and sometimes it's not so much on you as it is the people fixing you. When you're life has been saved and stabilized, and you're already conscious again, then you can choose. Not a moment before."

"So what is my choice?"

Acker stands up abruptly. Purposefully she pushes her chair back in, and steps aside. Her hands folded neatly behind her back. "That is entirely dependent on what you discover, Commander Shepard." Acker bows her head. Shepard's cheeks flush. She looks back towards Acker's chair. It was an easier thing to face then her former mentor's modesty.

The window right behind Acker's chair starts to glow. The cloudy, dirty glass Ashley had disappeared into, rises. Shepard covers her eyes. The light dims, as if a body was blocking it from blinding her. Lowering her hands, Shepard smirks. There, standing tall and proud, was Ashley. The other woman had her hands folded behind her back like Acker.

Ash's hair is in a loose ponytail now. There's a warm, relaxed smile on her face. For once there's an easy air to her. It even reaches her eyes making them shine brighter. Arms now crossing over her chest, Ash leans back against the side of one of the other windows. Her form blocking a part of the bright light now filtering in from the raised one. That light's not nearly as bright as her smile. No contest.

Shepard sighs from relief before standing up. She looks back at Acker. The two share a nod.

"I had to make some tough decisions after I left." Acker laughs. Shepard approaches her.

"They always do." Isn't that the truth. Acker wasn't towering over her as much as she used too. Now Shepard could almost meet her eye, without craning her head up. A lifetime ago this meeting ended so differently. Yet in a sense it rhymed. Back then Acker tore into her, complimenting and dismissing her in each sentence. That was until the very end, when she suggested to Shepard that she try to work under another.

"You were right about Anderson. He was a good mentor." 

Acker allows the briefest of smiles to cross her face. "He was our best for a long time."

"I saw why." Shepard enthused, remembering her days under his command.

Acker rests a hand on Shepard's left shoulder. Tenderly she squeezes it. "He was the best, until you came along." Shepard lowered her head, blinking away the tears. Acker pretended not to notice. Instead the woman let her go and coughed.

When Shepard met her gaze again she was gesturing towards Ashley with her chin. "So that woman," her words drift off. An unanswered question dangling above their heads.

"Her name is, well it's," Names flash through Shepard's mind. With each one her face changes a little. "She's a comrade." Shepard settles on unsure if friend is the right term. Gunnery chief, soldier, Ashley, Ash, she was each of these, but could she still be called friend. Shepard looks back at her. The third woman in the room was smiling still. There's an urge in Shepard's chest. It calls out for her to embrace Ashley, to hug her tight and never let go, but a voice stops her. A cold, slimy call from the back of her mind asking, 'do you deserve to call her friend?' For once Shepard was unsure.

With a shake of her head, Shepard dismisses the voice. Of course they were friends. Allies until the end. Sauntering over to the gunnery chief, Shepard could feel the unease in her stomach start to disappear, finally. Ashley stands straight, and holds out a hand. "You ready commander?"

"To kiss turians? Always." It was a cheeky response, but one that earned her the same hard-earned easy laugh she had been going for. Shepard slips her hand into Ash's. The laughing fit doesn't stop. Ashely's fingers squeeze around Shepard's with every breath.

"I know there will be at least one turian there." Rolling her eyes, Ashley pulls Shepard closer. She takes a step further into the light.

"And a couple of krogan too no doubt." Panic flares up as Shepard and Ashley get closer. The more her old friend is enveloped in the bright yellow-ish light the more her instincts fight back. They tell her to turn around, to stay here. After all every story is almost

"At least ma'am."

"And a quarian." Shepard continues as Ashley disappears. "There's a couple of humans waiting for us, of course." Her hand disappears after Ashley. A solid grip continues to hold onto her. So at least there is another side, not just nothingness. "And a drell, and a salarian that you didn't get to meet Ash." She probably couldn't hear Shepard now. After all she was entirely on the other side. Shepard's left stand, arm, and part of her chest in the light. She glares at it, staring at the face of death head-on. If this is it then it's it.

Shepard takes a deep breath. Closing her eyes, she allows her body to be submerged. A deep coldness washes over her body, surprising her. This is it. Her family was waiting.

Chapter Text

Before Wrex stood a collective of warriors. No, not warriors, but children throwing a fit! How could these spineless cowards even call themselves krogan? The whole of them had gathered into the fighting pit. Instead of battling each other, they've turned their ire towards Wrex. They were lucky for his patience. Someone lesser would have throttled them so hard, they would never see Tuchunka's desolate, and comfortable nuclear embrace again.

"Urdnot Wrex we have been here for too long!" Cries Tirak. His baby sized fists hanging in the air as if resting on an invisible table before him. Much like his grip he had no place here. If it wasn't for the fact that Wrex needed all of them to return home, he would've grabbed Tirak and tossed him into one of the humans' many oceans by now. However the krogan could not afford to lose more of their own. Not with change on the horizon. Even the most lackluster warrior was useful now. They've always had their purposes. Target practice chiefly.

Werbok sings in agreement with him. "How much longer due you plan to have us serve the others?"

"Have we not done enough for them already?" It's less of a question and more of a declaration that digs itself up out of Zrok's stomach. Agreements rise up. They threaten to silence Wrex before he could even say his piece.

That's it. "Enough!" His fist goes flying into Zrok's face. The room immediately falls silent, as the other krogan blanches. His face takes on a sickly pale green tone, instead of it's typical dry mossy color. Good. Fucking ass. His pride was getting too big. At least now his face wouldn't be the reason for it.

Zrok groans from his spot on the floor. Wrex drives his foot back into his gut. The message was clear. Stay down. Zrok nods meekly.

"We will leave when I decide to leave." He walks back over to the head of the fighting pit. Making sure to show his annoyance, Wrex looks back at his warriors. They may have defeated the reapers, but now they were barely fighters at all. Perhaps their time on Earth had weakened them all. A few days back on Tuchunka will fix them right up. Shepard nearly died the other night. Could she survive the trip?

Wrex stands at the head of the fighting pit with closed eyes, and a painful expression. How much longer will he has to listen to their whining? He thought he went to war with warriors. Now they talk of home as if they're little more then freshly hatched babes. The only one with an excuse is Grunt. The actual child in a grown krogan's body. A sudden rage fills his body. With one eye open Wrex smacks the arm of his chair from beside it. He watches as a couple of the men jump at the action. Zrok remains laying on the floor. The anger ebbs away, somewhat satiated now.

Eight human months. That was all it took for them to grow tired of this place. Qrax was the least annoying of them all right now. Just what state is his crew in where that's the case? Still they couldn't stay. Not for much longer anyway.

"Go! I'll decide tonight when we'll leave." Finally the nigh vomit green krogan helps Zrok back up. With mild protests the krogan file out. They keep pushing and punching at each other as they go. The fighting pit would continue to get plenty of use out of it. How Wrex hasn't found himself in there, he doesn't know. If anything Zrok should've stood up and tried to tackle him into it. Instead the krogan stayed put. Perhaps there's just not much fight left in them now. Did the reapers really take so much?

Itching for another argument Wrex clears the room last. He makes a beeline for the arms closest, where Shepard was still hidden. The salarian doesn't even react to the scraping sound of metal on metal as he pushes the movable walls back. She continues in her measured practice of writing down notes.

"How is she?"

"Not much better than the last time you asked, Urdnot Wrex." The salarian taps at one of the machines. It's wires jiggle a bit. The number changes. It goes up. Was it supposed to be going up? She looks nearly as surprised as he feels lost staring at the machine. Tapping probably isn't supposed to work. A simple act born from having to do something. Anything.

Wrex sits in the chair beside Shepard's head. Her face is still saggy. The cuts have started to heal. Even some of the burns are starting to go away. All except one right under her right ear. It's a deep, crimson color. Nearly as red as her blood had been when they found her in the Citadel's ruins. She's gotten better. Doing better. Even if the doctor says she's not. This is Shepard, and Shepard has to be doing better.

Tracing a digit across the new scar that jaggedly cuts down her face, under her left eye, Wrex remembers the scars she used to have. The ones Cerberus 'fixed'. Pink flesh pulls along, stuck on the tip of his claw. The salarian gets upset. Wrex pulls away his hand and stares at her. No matter how much he searches, there's not an ounce of care. Then the doctor points out how it'll make the saggy worse. That the skin on Shepard's face is barely growing back in place. It's all still too loose, and he might've just made it worse.

Thankfully Grunt isn't there. He'll be back soon, from playing with the humans. Then they'll talk. Wrex growls when the doctor gets a finger too close to his face. She pulls it back instantly. Careless salarian. She cares for the infamous Shepard. First human spectre, savior of the galaxy, an N7 soldier, one of the best engineers the Alliance has ever trained, and the commander of the Normandy. Her sole job is too take care of a legend right now. Of course she's grown bold. What would she think of Shepard, if she was awake? Is this fool even aware of everything that Shepard has done? The good and the bad. No.

Not even he knows everything Shepard has done. There's likely not a living being in the galaxy who could. Even Garrus would have a tough time relaying all of Shepard's history. He'd get stuck on the big bits. Everyone does. Saren's defeat, pushing back the geth, the suicide mission, getting the galaxy to come together. It's always the big stories people want to tell. The small, nitty gritty of the hero doesn't matter to them. Those don't make for the good stories. Even if they are what make the hero who they are.

Wrex rubs his head. Shepard's not just a hero. Casually he looks back towards the makeshift weapon shelves that double as a second pair of doors to this room. The lights are brighter in here then any other part of the ship. Wrex asked some of the engineers to adjust them, for the doctor. Not that they know why his extra storage needed it. He didn't let them get close to the room. They fed him instructions over a mic as he worked through the hoops he had to jump through to get it done.

All of that effort, to keep her safe. To mask her presence, her life. She still isn't awake. Wrex scratches absently at his left arm. When Grunt gets back he won't like the decision Wrex has made, but they can't stay here forever. Earth isn't where they need to be right now. His large, heavy eyes linger over Shepard. None of them can stay here anymore.

"You just keep sleeping." The salarian jumps as he speaks. His words weren't met for her. She didn't have to pay them such close attention, or jump at every little sound.

Just as quickly she turns away, ignoring him. "Guess all those long days on the Normandy are finally catching up to you now, eh Shepard? Don't suppose you'll wake up within the next five minutes and save me from having to have a talk with the kid."

His hand finds it's way to hers again. It weighs less with every passing day. No matter how much nutrients the doctor pumped into her body, it doesn't seem like enough. Her muscles are shaped differently from before. As her scars, and burns heal, the rest of her body is decaying. Grunt hasn't noticed yet. There's some positives to him always being gone.

Wrex turns back towards Shepard. Letting go of her hand, he leans back in the chair. It creaks under him, almost as if it was of human make. A tell-tale sign that it'll break apart soon. How many hours have they been sitting in it? It's definitely seen more use then his bed has lately.

"Wrex."

There he was. What was that term Ashley used to say? The human phrase she was very fond of. Speaking of the devil draws him near. Do thoughts apply as well? It was a very old human phrase.

"Grunt."

"The crew is packing up! Why?" Right into it they go. Wrex fights back his anger, too keep a level head.

"Because," the chair creaks again as he stands back up. "I told them I would be announcing tonight when we'll leave."

"What?" Wrex watches as Grunt balls his fist up. Another tantrum was on the way. Wrex crosses his arms. That way he could have them up, ready to strike, while not engaging in a taunt. It's best not to trigger a fight if he can avoid it.

"You heard me. We're leaving." Grunt may need to be reminded of his place on this ship.

"When?" For a moment he lowers his arms. Was sense finally making it's way through his fleshling plates?

"Tonight."

"What of Shepard?"

"We can not base all of our decisions around the health of one individual."

"That's shit. This is Shepard!" Wrex hadn't noticed before but Grunt talks like a human. In fact when he cusses he uses human swears, and speaks them the way that tattoo covered woman had.

"Yes it is. Shepard being on that bed is why I've put off us going home for so long." Wrex crosses his arms. The room feels hotter now. His rage builds up, and he knows if he's struggling to control it that much then Grunt was even further along the ledge. "Shepard's strong. She'll survive." When he says it like that, Wrex very nearly believes it. An image of her skin being dragged around under his claw fills his mind, he pushes the memory away.

"That's not what the doc said."

"That salarian doesn't know Shepard." Said salarian glares holes into the back of his head. Wrex can feel them burrowing, scrapping away at the same spot she always stares at when trying to make a point. A point that never reaches him.

"And you do?"

"Better then you whelp." Wrex stands taller. As of right now he still has some height on Grunt. It won't always be that way. His head plates were still growing together. He was still gaining height. Time was catching up to them. Soon Grunt will stand taller then he does. Even when he passes him in height, Wrex will still have years on the kid. Knowledge the tank couldn't really give him. It only attempted to do so with those false planted memories.

Grunt had his legs bent. Either he would strike and risk bumping the two of them fully onto Shepard, or he'd run. Wrex pushes him in the latter direction. "You can come with us, or stay here. Either way we are leaving at the end of today."

"You don't care about her!"

Wrex goes to grab the edge of Grunt's armor. He wants to snatch it, and throw him to the ground. How fucking dare he! He didn't care? Who was this child to declare such baseless accusations?

Instead of hurling Grunt out of the room, he takes a step forward. His hand still snatches at Grunt's armor, only now he carefully pulls him closer. When he gets as in Grunt's face as Wrex is willing too, he stares down Grunt's deep blue eyes. A turian color. "And you think she's weak."

The last straw breaks. A crack resounds as Grunt smacks his head against Wrex's. Neither of them flinch or push back. "I challenge you Urdnot Wrex!"

"Then I accept!" Wrex declares, still holding onto Grunt's armor as he headbutts Grunt in return.

"Tonight!"

"Then we shall meet in the battle room, after the ship takes off!" A growl escapes Grunt's throat. He'd have to hurry if he was going to say goodbye to those friends of his. The kid realizes that as well. As soon as he pulls back, Wrex releases his armor. Grunt turns tail and takes off without another word. No chance of messing up Shepard's room now.

"You two are actually going to fight it out?" He'd forgotten about the salarian doctor altogether. Turning to face her she's writing something out on her clipboard again. Always scribbling something. If written words could heal Shepard then she'd be up and about by now.

"We're krogan." Some more then others, but krogan all the same. "That's what we do."

"It's foolish. What if Shepard wakes up, and one of you are dead?"

A loud, burly laugh fills the room. "That'll never happen."

"How do you know?" Her snark is almost comparable to Tali's. It challenges his words, but does little else.

"Because I don't plan to kill him."

"Couldn't he just kill you?"

Another laugh. She flinches this time. Good. "If that kid could kill me I'd already be dead."

Her eyes grow wider, nearly to the size of Palaven's moon. "I'll tell the men to prepare for take off. You better make sure Shepard makes it through."

"Yes yes, or you'll kill me, I'm sure."

Nodding along, Wrex smirks. "Sure will." He starts to leave. When he makes it to the stairs she's already yelling again.

"You know that doesn't make my job any easier to do!" Maybe it doesn't, but it makes him feel better.

The krogan had the better half of the day to tie up any and all of their loose ends. When the human sun has set over whatever fucking city they're in, then they would leave. For good this time. He's already long since forgotten the name of this place on Earth. He can't wait to forget the rest of it too. Grunt's gone just as fast as he came back. Other krogan stay closer to home. Now without their patrols they run wild in the areas around the ship. Only going as far as they could run back when they hear the engines start. The roar of them is enough to call the closest krogan back, but Wrex watches the cams pacing in Shepard's room. He sees no Grunt within the first few waves of warriors.

"He's not back yet?" Bolder by the day. Wrex nearly grabs her throat when he turns to answer her question. Why did she feel so easy around him? Anyone else would've hesitated before walking up from behind him. Blasted salarian!

"He'll be here. Grunt made the challenge." She pulls away, craning her neck at an odd angle. Suddenly Wrex realizes she was still trying to watch the cameras on the pad he was holding. With a roll of his eyes, Wrex turns his attention back to his work. Slightly he moves the pad just barely to the right of himself. Just enough for her large eyes to watch alongside him. Her black eyes were irritating to look at, but less so in the reflection of the pad's screen. Her grey skin nearly disappears into the background of the screen, but those two hollow, black eyes shine through all the feedback.

How strange that he had kept the company of a salarian around the most, since the end of the war. Counting that, and the fact that Shepard was not only dying on the bed behind him, but that he was also hiding her from all the galactic governments, Wrex hadn't imagined most of what would happen after the war.

Orange comes into view on the screen. His eyes immediately latch onto the small dot. Grunt was back, and holding some strange human bag in his hands. Plastic red lines thread over the orange objects within it. They were round, like the salarian's eyes. The small objects were nearly the same size as their eyes too.

"What's that in his hands?" Wrex taps the screen, but it doesn't zoom in or out. He was lucky they even had an old pad to watch the cameras on at all.

"I don't know. Maybe a farewell gift from one of his compatriots?" For once the know it all doesn't have a clue. If the extranet was still accessible she would already have an answer.

He'll ask Grunt later. After their fight. When the kid settles into the cockpit of the ship, Wrex realizes he's waiting. "He wants to know what all he's going to have to fight about."

"What?" Of course she didn't understand. She wasn't a krogan. This salarian didn't even really know Shepard.

Wrex hits the intercom button. It shines angrily at him. "Get us out of here Jrok."

Suddenly Wrex was alone in the reflection of the pad. Busying away with keeping Shepard breathing, the salarian returns to her capricious work. Three silent souls, working through their own shit. The room feels empty. Wrex stands beside Shepard. Tired eyes never leave the pad. One hand curled around Shepard's still hand. His other holds the screen steady, as he watches Grunt standing alone, in the entrance of the cockpit. A lone guard. Poor kid probably believes that if he watches them closely, he might be able to tell what maneuvers keep Shepard alive. Maybe he just wants to see a mistake get made so he can have someone new to blame. Shepard's not even dead and he's still beating himself up. Stupid kid.

The ship moves with a loud clanking coming from the engine. It's louder then before the blast. Everything on the Normandy had always been too quiet. The quiet made it harder to sleep. When nothing makes a sound, usually danger is near. Even for krogan it could be an unsettling sign. They were the predators for most of the galaxy, but even a lone krogan could be defeated. Especially a lone krogan in a mixed matched band of humans and the occasional other alien.

Wrex has nearly died working with crews like Shepard's before. That's what he thought at the beginning at least. The Normandy crew were just like the gangs that would pay his bills every so often. Big buyers, with small brains. That was what made Shepard's crew so different. Yeah everyone on the Normandy was young, and had enough eagerness to get going to power a star, but they cared. There wasn't just bands of two or three close friends among everyone. They all gave a damn about each other's accomplishments. How they were feeling. Even when something went wrong with someone's job people listened, rather then started yelling first. All of which came from the example Shepard had set. Apparently Anderson had ran things in a similar fashion before handing the ship over, but that was before Wrex's time.

Shaking erupts all throughout the room. Wrex knows the entire ship must be moving like this now. Guns fall from their places. The doctor clings to the other side of Shepard's bed. Her legs gave out from under her at the start. Moving to look at pad, Wrex growls at it falls from his hand. Shaking his head, the krogan leans against the side of Shepard's bed. One hand gripping the metal like the doctor, while the other still holds onto Shepard. The lights violently flicker.

"We're breaking the atmosphere!" She cries out like this is her first time aboard a ship. Of course they were! Why else would the ship be shaking like this? 

For several minutes the ship continues to shake. One long continuous quake of metal below their feet and above their heads. If this is how he dies, he's going to be so pissed. Urdnot Wrex, the great unifier of the krogan now rests in the atmosphere of Earth. Bits of him are here, there, and way beyond that fucking sunrise. When the shaking finally stops, Wrex had a headache comparable to one of Kaidan's.

It seemed to settle the salarian down. Before lift off she was darting everywhere. Her hands fidgeting with dozens of things. Now she sits on the other side of Shepard's bed. The top of her head barely visible to him from the floor on the other side. Neither objects to the silence that fills the space between them. Each holding their breaths, they wait. For what Wrex didn't know.

Then he hears it. Shepard breathing. As her lungs exhale crack, dry air, Wrex feels his own filling up with water. Relief threatens to overrun him. It's all going to be okay. Shepard was still alive. He wouldn't have to tell Grunt that she was dead. Not yet.

Not yet. His mind clings to those words. They've become a mantra of his lately. In moments of despair they push him through. Shepard's dying. She's not dead. Not yet. Then there were times where they reminded him of the same harsh realty he keeps having to drag Grunt through. Shepard's healing. Not yet. She's not healed yet. Internal despair, chasing external hopes in an endless cycle Wrex wasn't used too. So many emotions have threatened to overwhelm him lately. In his honest moments with himself, Wrex admits he knows why. Finally things are going right. They've been going right for the last four years. He doesn't want to be the only one seeing that next sunrise. Even for that last one, before he runs off into his final battle, Wrex wants Liara, and Grunt there. People who will not just know of the Normandy, but who slept on it, fought on it, lived on it. Shepard deserves that final sunrise view. One with all of her family there.

"Do you know how I found out about Commander Shepard?" Meek and timid, her voice is only audible now due to the utter silence that has claimed the ship. Even the gears were fearful to squeak. Wrex nearly was too after that rough of a lift off.

"No but I'm sure you're about to tell me salarian." His back rests against the bed. It pushes towards the salarian. Her weight was nothing compared to his own.

"You know a little kindness will go a long way. I've been keeping Shepard alive here for two hundred and forty four days now. I've stayed on this little ship of yours, kept my mouth shut about her status, and haven't seen any sun in days." Wrex looks under the bed. She has her knees pulled all the way up to her chest now. Arms folded over her body, small hands ball up her sleeves.

"Your point?"

"My point is, I believe I've earned a little politeness from you. I know your capable of it, despite how much you krogan try to make it seem otherwise." Her hands fly up. "I'm not asking for trust. Can you just stop calling me salarian?"

Courage must've been born in the face of death. She was standing up for herself. Wrex nearly laughs. "That's what you are."

"Yes but I do have a name."

"And I don't care."

Silence is born anew. The two of them sit there, on either side of Shepard, listening carefully to her breathing. Every slight movement from the bed felt reassuring. They were a promise. She's still alive. The world hasn't lost your family yet. If he could sleep, Wrex knows he would dream of Shepard waking up to finally see the new glory of the krogan. A world he created. One only achieved thanks to her help.

"It's Fanmora. My name is Orrin Fanmora." Another whisper. She speaks as if the spirits might hear her. Then they could carry the message for her to someone who cared.

It was kindness that Shepard showed him. Getting the armor wasn't something they had to do. It was a distraction. Yet she did it. Just as she had warned the krogan of the salarians' attempted betrayal. Kindness. His brethren would spit at the thought. "So," The word drifts away like smoke on the tail end of a human cigarette.

"So?" Of course she would have him spell it out. Yeah he deserves it. Doesn't mean he likes it.

"Your Shepard story."

"Oh." She had a face that was easy to read. Surprise, mixed with mirth. She was happy he asked. Most would've just expected him to figure it out. Others never, because he's a krogan so of course he wouldn't understand them. Not this one though. Fucking salarians.

"I heard about her the way most people did. From the news. The first human Spectre." There's awe in her voice as she moves her hand through the air. Her eyes fixed on a spot in front of her. She could still see the news happening now, he'd bet.

"I signed up to work with a human and salarian experimental endeavor right after."

Wrex grunts. "Not what you expected was it?"

"No." Wrex leans over to look at the salarian once again. She's smaller then ever before. Her body seemingly shrinks under his gaze. If she keeps going like this, she'll simply blink out of existence. Actually that would be a good story to tell Liara. It might be fun to see her try and figure that one out.

"A wise person knows when they are out of their depths." He blurts out the words. She bends her own neck down, and looks back at Wrex. What has he done? Starting a conversation with a salarian of all people, was foolish. Now she's waiting for him to continue.

For a moment he almost makes a comment about how ridiculous they look. Two grown adults, huddling on the ground on either side of the bed. Their necks both craned down at such odd angles that for the first time in either of their lives they were face to face, entirely level with the other. Probably the first time the salarian has ever been like this witha  krogan. She looks at him as if she's waiting for permission. A need for an explanation plays in her dark black eyes. Wrex misses his towering height.

"I can not heal Shepard." The admittance feels like defeat. He'd rather taste his own blood then the sourness of loss. The salarian blinks. "You know that's why you're here." Leisurely, like a prey animal entertaining it's hunter, she nods. In this briefest of moments they understand each other. Whatever had just occurred, they shared. Another phenomenon he's all too willing to attribute to the sleeping N7. She has a way of bringing unlikely allies together. Forcing them to share life and death scenarios was less her doing, and more of the universe's. It worked. 

"How's Shepard?" The fool goes shouting the question in the hall right outside. Another lesson Grunt had to learn.

Muttering curses under his breath Wrex pushes himself back up off the floor. He stands at the ready. Grunt comes barreling in a mere second after. Tumbling straight for the bed. The bag of orange stuff he's been carrying was dropped by the door. With a shake of his head, Wrex holds out a hand. As soon as silver armor slides against the surface of his palm, Wrex latches himself onto it. Pushing with his back foot, Wrex uses Grunt's momentum to swing him around. When he sees the entrance to the room again, Wrex lets go. Grunt falls on his stomach, legs kicking furiously. He resembles the videos of tadpoles who first start to grow their legs that Shepard had shown him when she was drunk.

"I know Shepard's important to you Grunt."

"Wrex," the younger krogan says in a dangerous tone. He was not in the mood. Too bad. This was happening. Acting ferocious, Grunt pushes himself up off the ground. His hands are on his broken gun. Back arched forward, teeth bared, he's ready for a fight. Wrex isn't.

"Sit down." An order, from the krogan warlord to rival any others. They still needed to settle the matter of a title for Wrex, but all things would come in time. Here, right now, it was time for this conversation. No more leaving the boy to out to drown in the sea. To flail about as his imprinted knowledge renders him helpless. In this moment, here and now next to Shepard's bed, they would talk. Maybe it's the tone Wrex used, or it could've been that the whelp was finally learning, but Grunt sits down in the chair next to Wrex's.

Wrex says nothing about their positioning. He doesn't bother to point out how he was seated by Shepard's head, and Grunt her feet. A human would call it symbolic. He calls it fitting. Wrex came before Grunt. He saw Shepard soar as a commander of her own ship. Grunt was just there to experience what she had already learned from her first year of command. Wrex confronted Cerberus with Shepard, allowing her a chance to confront her past. Grunt was there for when she was forced to work with the same people who once destroyed her life, and her team. Wrex had to leave to lead an army. Grunt was forced away, and joined him.

Wrex was her brother and friend. Grunt was a son to her. A leader to his whole people, and a foot soldier, a grunt. Yet they both knew who mattered more to her.

This was fitting indeed.

"I know Okeer didn't bother to put anything in that head of yours aside from celebrations of death. The taste of victory at the end of a fight, Adrenaline, and how you should embrace it."

"Get to the point."

Of course this runt couldn't be still even now. Always trying to rush through. Was it just in his nature to avoid uncomfortable things. Perhaps grief was akin to the more saccharine things in life. Wrex's red eyes felt sore. It used to be young ones would glance up at his eyes and quiver in fear. Rumors of his eyes were dyed this color from the blood of his enemies used to quell their courage. None of which had worked on Grunt. Shepard had filled him with too many stories. So many soft moments that had been between the crew. Secrets only those closest to Shepard were privy too. Only true allies knew.

Wrex closes his eyes. All this thinking was causing him to lose focus. What was that human term, for when events repeat? Deja vu? Kaidan had used it once when he watched Wrex kill two geth back to back in the exact same way, on the exact same spot. This felt very much like deja vu.

Apparently he takes too long to answer, because Grunt ends the conversation. "Enough! We're settling this in the pit. Meet me down there if you aren't too scared old man." His expression of anger isn't pure like it was before. There's a constant layer of sadness to it these days. Just as there was back then.

His conscious is stolen away to another moment. A whole other time, when Shepard was healthy. Now he stares at Grunt and sees another time. A moment when Grunt had to deal with feelings. His blue eyes were yellow around the edges from irritation. He stomps off the ship. A petulant child in the middle of a tantrum. Shepard steps off next. Garrus was close behind her. Too close. Subtlety the turian reaches for Shepard's hand. She squeezes it once before dropping it. Wrex could feel surprise give way to understanding. It wasn't too far fetched to be believable. Shepard always did have strange taste.

"Who pissed on your day?" Shepard laughed. Apparently that was not a common human saying. Fucking Joker. One of these days he was going to 'gently' pick that pilot up and pretend not to hear his bones break.

A single look back at Shepard, and Wrex dismissed his plans. It wouldn't be worth the trouble. Shepard's visits were one of the few interesting times on Tuchunka. He didn't want to give her a reason to stop coming by. Sadly life gave a reason. Wrex stood before them, uncertain. They had called him ahead of time. Asked for him to meet them at the drop off, and that everyone was cleared out. Of course he agreed. There were no reasons to distrust Shepard. She may be one of the few humans who could step to him, but she was still that. Just a human.

Looking at the three of them now some of the questions about their time without him were answered. Shepard and Garrus looked like proud parents. Sad to be dropping their only boy off. Did that make him the belligerent uncle? The one they turn too when there's no other options for a summer away.

"What happened?"

"I'm not worthy of staying beside the great Shepard." Grunt declared, trying so very hard to sound matter of factly. It did nothing to make his whining anything but.

"Did this punk cost you a fight? Need me to come with and clean up the mess?" He would. Consequences be damned. If there was someone Grunt, Garrus, and Shepard couldn't handle then he would clear them out. He'd erase them from existence. No one would ever know that the trio ever had any weaknesses. That they had ever lost at all. Tuchunka could survive without him for a hour. That's all he'd need.

"Nothing like that Wrex." Shepard assured him. She stepped away from Garrus and attempted to hold Grunt's shoulder. He shrugged her off. A single look. That's all Wrex needed to see the kid was one bad moment from running away.

Garrus' mandible chitters away. Unheard subvocals cleanly expressing what he did not wish to share out loud. "We're leaving him here for a bit." Garrus states, as if they were dropping Grunt off at a human school. "Think you can handle him?"

"I'll put him to work. Clan Urdnot could use him to whip the rest of our young in shape." Wrex gestures towards the door with his thumb. "Why don't you head on in Grunt? We'll talk later.

"Whatever." Obstinate ass. If it wasn't for Shepard, Wrex would've knocked him on the ground right then. 

Wrex turned his attention back to Shepard and Garrus. The two had been sharing another, wordless, nervous glance. Wrex crosses his arms, and leans against the railing, of the shuttle area. "What's going on?"

Garrus looked away. His blue eyes refused to even meet Shepard's as she squeezes his hand. "Damn. It's serious then?" Garrus nodded. Shepard smiled her lopsided, nervous grin. That same smile she'd give them right before driving the mako off the edge of a cliff. She's feigning confidence.

"I'm going to be arrested by the Alliance." Shepard shrugs as if that explained everything.

"We're dropping everyone off. One by one. Grunt and I were the last stops."

"Tali very nearly didn't leave either." Shepard laughs. Wrex had heard about the batarians, but he hadn't believed the rumors. Was that actually Shepard? He wouldn't get the answer until months later. When the trial of Commander Shepard commenced.

When Shepard and Garrus left he went searching for Grunt. His movements were heavy. Wrex always lumbered everywhere, but at that time it was different. Then and now he's stuck thinking about the future. Despite not knowing a damn thing about it, guesses are still made. Maybe this time they'll be right.

When he gets to the pit, Grunt spins around to face him. In another time this happened in a pile of rubble with pyjacks sitting down on top of trash on either side of them. Now they are watched by a handful of krogans.

Back then Grunt needed to talk, but he couldn't form words. So Wrex let him punch him instead. A punch led to a fight, which led to an all out brawl that even had the onlooking pyjacks swinging at each other.

Wrex isn't sure how to help Grunt now, but he knows the kid needs something. 

Now here they were again. In another fighting pit, at another time. As Wrex shifts his weight from his right foot to his left, he almost feels as if the last fight was still happening. Two battles constantly warring against each other.

Grunt charges at him first. The kid delivers the first punch. A fist lands right in his jaw. This is a Shepard move. Wrex has been on the receiving end of it before. Three times now. Once with Shepard, twice with Grunt. She always started a fight that way when her opponent was bigger then her. It's a reminder, 'I may appear weak, but don't underestimate me because I can and will reach you'. He has to be more careful.

Wrex grabs Grunt by the head. He threw him down. Grunt catches himself on Wrex's knee. This time Wrex holds his head in place, and brings his own down on top of Grunt's still forming plates. Not hard enough to hurt him, but it pushes the kid down. Grunt hits his knees this time. For a moment he looks defeated. Water refreshes his eyes, and then they harden again. If they didn't have an audience would he be crying right now? A part of him wants to bend down and offer the kid a hand. To pull him up and embrace him, but it's foolish to hold one's enemy in battle. That's a trick that kills the youngsters before they hit their second hundred birthday. 

A hand wraps around the back of Wrex's leg. Grunt pulled him down. When Wrex felt his back hit the ground, he let out a groan. Now he grabs both sides of Grunt's armor. This time he uses a Shepard move. Wrex knees Grunt in the face. The younger krogan goes flying backwards. Back then it pushed him just enough to the side that Wrex was able to get back up. Now it all but seals the fight.

Grunt lands on his side. His eyes crystal clear blue eyes, highlighted by the yellow on their fridges. His emotions battle away inside of them. Before it was shame. Now it's a new kind of anger, festering away inside of him. It's not battle rage. It's never that. Grunt hangs his head in defeat. Wrex offers his hand. Stubbornly the whelp takes it, pulling Wrex down just as much as he lifts himself up. Keeping his hands out of sight from the onlookers, the older krogan pats Grunt's back. He holds his arm at a distance, but carefully pulls the opposite shoulder closer. It's the closest they've been since their last match. Wrex held him down until he finally broke and told all. This time he offers what little touch is possible without the crowd calling for blood. He needed to know he was strong but not invincible. Not every fight can be won. The lesson today is not one of vulnerability, but that some outcomes can't be avoided.

If Shepard dies. Then she dies. Both of them have already done what all they could. When Grunt storms off this time there's less weight in his steps. Eventually he will go crawling back upstairs to fall asleep on the ground beside Shepard's bed. For now he needs space. Wrex is more then willing to give it to him.

The other krogan are celebrating Wrex's victory. Some say this is a good sign. There's no better omen of fortune then a leader beginning a long journey with a battle. It's bullshit. No one has talked that way for years except the shaman, but now the men cling to that thought. Wrex lets them celebrate. He stays downstairs for hours, drinking, feasting, having his back clapped. Every motion is a blur. All the sights and sounds of a celebrating ship wash over him. His mind always elsewhere.

This was the only way.

It always is.

Chapter Text

The hospital is boring. Fake lighting constantly fills the room, amplified by the windows, working with the incessant humming of the hospital room to give him a never ending headache. Grey walls were more of a prison for him now then ever before. Back on the Normandy he could go anywhere. Doctors and nurses sedate and throw him back into bed here. Just them watch, eventually he'll get used to the sedatives, and when he does no one's stopping him from escaping. Then when they go to put him to sleep, he show his true strength. They'll run! Everyone will be screaming, and crying as he escapes. Just like the guards had when they rescued Jack.

"Did you hear?" One of the loud nurses pretended to whisper the question to her co-worker. The two asari meet in his room every day to gossip. Every time they start it off the same. The purple one wanders in first and delivers his food. The blue one watches her come in, before walking back and forth past the doors twice. Finally once she's finished with that pretend work of hers she wander in the room. Peacefully the two chat. Neither one of them were too concerned about the krogan in the room.

Every instinct inside him burned with a drive to make them fearful. Everything in the hospital was too much. The constant lights, gossipy nurses, jumpy doctors, and the slew of crying visitors standing beside other patients that were too weak to survive, or would never be the same again. Their tears drove him nearly as insane as the gossip did.

Then on a day when all of it was especially too much, Grunt got a visitor who could make it all just a little more bearable.

Shepard arrived with a fresh cup of water in hand, and the pills the doctors were too terrified to ask him to take. Once he had recovered enough from his injuries to stay awake consistently they had switched to a medi-gel only treatment. It was taking too long. He had to get back out there before the fight was done. How could the future of the krogan stay trapped in bed when the war of a lifetime is happening outside?

"Grunt." She cuts through his thoughts with one word. The moment she stepped inside the gossiping pair of asari ran off. Wearing her baggy N7 shirt and pants, there was a black, cloth bag hanging from her left shoulder.

"Shepard." He laid his head back. Blue eyes never moving from her blood red hair. Maybe it was due to the constant lights, but her hair appeared dryer then usual, less vibrant. Was Shepard getting old? How long did humans live again? Suddenly overwhelmed, Grunt turned his head from her. He could hear the frown in her words.

"You have to take your medicine." There's the dragging of wheels, before a soft crink sounded off beside his bed. She waited on him then. Waited, and waited, and waited, until finally Grunt caved in. No matter how angry he was with her, he couldn't ignore her. Not forever.

"If the hospital staff weren't cowards they would force me too."

"Grunt, that's not how hospitals work."

He stares at a scar on his arm. A week ago there was a large gash in it that even showed some bone. His flesh was torn open by one of his men's hand, as a rachni dragged him away. Grunt had one hand on him. Two sets of claws dig into his arm. The rachni's strength was as strong as legends say. Even if they were rotted away by the reaper tech twisting them. Grunt shoots to keep the others at bay, but it wasn't enough. A tug so strong it even had him falling to the side. Grunt barely managed to catch himself, and by the time he was standing tall again, his warriors were dead. Now that giant gash was almost completely healed. A testament to his genetics. "I heal faster then other krogan. The medi-gel is enough."

"No it's not."

"Maybe not for a weak human like you!"

"Grunt." She barely raises her voice, and it still upsets him. The memories flare up in his brain. Images of humans skulls being crushed under differently colored krogan hands. Each one is decorated in crimson blood by the end. The same as his would be if he listened to the memories and attacked her.

Her hand finds it's way on his face. She attempts to cup the side of his like humans often do with each other's cheeks. It's not a feeling that's familiar beyond the scope of his own memories on the Normandy. This was a very Shepard thing to do. She must've noticed.

"Take your medicine."

His stubbornness keeps him from grabbing the medicine right away. Reluctantly he snatched the medicine and swallowed it, the cup and pills, whole. Shepard smirks. Grunt rolls out his tongue, willing the air to remove the horrible taste of plastic.

"I actually brought you a pick me up." Shepard reached into her bag and pulled out a small orange ball. "I promise it will at least taste better then the cup."

Casually she tossed it to him. It bounced off of his chest. On instinct he cupped his two hands together and caught it in his lap. Grunt looked back towards Shepard. She had another orange ball pulled out. "We eat these?" The outside of the orange ball wasn't soft like most human toys. It had a rough texture to it, and hundreds of little grooves. There was even a large line cutting across the top of it.

The tip of one of his claws cuts across the surface. He barely applied any pressure, but it cuts right through. Orange droplets of water, or juice sprays out, covering his claw.

"Nice." Shepard was leaning over him now. Her soft hands roll the ball around her palms.

"What are you doing?" The room filled with a new spell. One none of the memories could place.

"Softening it. When we want to eat oranges we have to peel them first." Shepard rolled her eyes as she "Well most of us do."

Shepard digs her nails into the soft skin of the orange. Hers don't immediately cut through it as easily as his had. "Humans usually keep their nails trimmed, so if we soften the orange first, it makes this part a little easier." Smiling at her hands, Shepard slips one of her nails through the skin finally. She moves her nail under the skin, further in, and pushes a large slice of it up. It stubbornly stays attach to the rest of the peel. Shepard pulls at the peel, quickly undoing the rest of it. When she gets to the the bottom she rips the peel out. A long white stem accompanies it. Tossing it towards the trash Shepard rips off the last bit on the top of the orange and holds it up as an example.

Grunt stares at the orange within his own hold. Why go through all that effort? If you can eat the peel then why not just eat it whole and be done? 

"But to answer your earlier question. Yes we eat these. Careful with how you try to peel it. You might spray juice everywhere if you pull it apart to quickly, or cut further into the fruit, under the peel." She emphasizes her point by driving her thumb through the very top of the orange in the small hole the stem had left. Effortlessly she pulled the orange apart, into two even halves. There were several smaller pieces within the fruit. It was practically made for sharing. Was that why you peel it? To share the fruit.

As if reading his mind Shepard smiles at Grunt and offers him one halve of her own orange. "Do you want to try it first?" Grunt sniffs at it. It was sour, and sweet at the same time. The smell was powerful, and easily filled his nose. Did it taste confusing too?

Grunt takes the offered half and drops it into his mouth. The fruit itself was small, but biting through it, Grunt could tell how thick it was. The sweetness that he smelled before was the first bit of flavoring to fill his mouth. The juice was sweet, and yet the more he chews the more a slight undertone of sourness cuts through.

His face must've marked the sudden change cause Shepard piped up, "Every slice can taste differently." She pulls one of the smaller individual pieces of her half off, and plops it into her mouth.

"It tastes good." Grunt admitted. Much better then the plastic cup had been. His gaze fell to the unpeeled orange in his hands. Silently he starts to work on it, just as Shepard had. He overestimated how thick the skin was, because his own digits cut through it often, causing juice to spray everywhere over his hands.

Finally when he had most of the peel remove, Grunt was at the part where Shepard had pulled the stem out. It was like pulling the spine out of an enemy, Grunt considered as he had watched her. It looked like it at least. Shepard could probably tear the spine out of most of her enemies. Probably not a krogan like him, but krogan's who fought Shepard were fools seeking a final fight. A fight that was nothing like the one he just survived!

"The first time I ever had an orange, I was laid up in bed. My friend peeled it, before feeding me the slices. The local man who ran a clinic gave it to them." She looks wistfully down as she pulls another slice free from the bunch. "Then when I enlisted, I always had an orange on the days I was feeling down." She plops the slice into her mouth and starts to tear at the next.

"Oranges are known for the vitamin C in them, but most people forget there's vitamin B in them too."

Grunt leaves the peel in his lap. Slowly he drives a claw into the middle of his orange, before splitting it in two. "Do those matter?"

"Not much unless you're a dietician, but there's a little secret to vitamin B." She whispers the words as if it was a well-kept secret. Grunt pretends not to care by focusing on tearing free one of the orange slices. Instead of cleanly coming free as Shepard's had, half of the one next to the slice comes free as well. It sprayed more, sticky orange juice over his hands.

"What's that?" Hopefully the words came across as uncaring as he wanted them too.

"Vitamin B cheers humans up." Her tone grows happier as she finally spilt the beans. A human phrase, Joker enjoyed using. Grunt first thought it meant someone was too weak and clumsy to open a simple can. Now he knows sometimes people spill the beans, purposely. Not all secrets were meant to be kept.

"It can help produce serotonin in humans, and regulate their mood. So I always keep an orange around. Whenever things got to be too much, I'd eat one. It wasn't a fix-all, but it helped."

"And here I thought the great Commander Shepard just forgot to eat when she was busy." Grunt finally risks a side-glance at her. She rolls her eyes, but otherwise doesn't take the bait. He just has to be more sarcastic from now on.

"You've been talking to Joker again, huh?" Leaning forward, Shepard restlessly runs a hand through her hair. "Yeah I forget to eat, a lot. That's not good, but sometimes I remember to at least eat an orange. It's not enough, but better then nothing. I used to leave them in the kitchen, but nowadays I keep an extra bag in my room."

Of course she does. With the reapers here now, she must be stressed more then ever. Grunt can feel his hearts start to bend. Slowly but surely she cracks away at the anger within him, cutting it into bits. Shepard doesn't walk, but glides through the wreckage. Her callous hands picking up each piece, and soothing them. Sadness in her sharp, dark, green eyes. Understanding emanating from her in waves. It's too much. She's too much. Too kind yet powerful. Determined yet compliant. A constant that disappears too much. Her gaze falls back towards the orange in her hand.

"Anderson used to eat them with me." She speaks about him as if he's someone precious, and not just her former Captain. 

That's not so strange. Isn't she more then just his battlemaster?

"We would eat them together after stressful missions, and by the time we were done the two of us would have found something to laugh about." Is that what she wants now? To find something to laugh about? Grunt tightens his grip around the fleshy fruit. Why was she here? After the death of his men! Did she want to laugh about them? About his team! With each thought his blood boils. Anger builds up until finally, the orange explodes in his hand.

Grunt blinks as he takes in the sight of orange, broken strips of fruit flesh covering his hand. Most of it was drained of the liquids that made it so refreshing. The insides look a lot like the peel now. Slowly he looks at Shepard, unsure of how he feels. Perhaps he'll know by looking at her. Shepard knows how to handle anything. Everything. How would she handle this?

She was blinking too. A few seconds past, and finally she realizing he's watching her not cleaning up the mess. That playful smile is back on her face. "Got a sour one, didn't you?" She laughs. A laugh Grunt used to think was born from arrogance, from the knowledge that no one could simply beat Commander Shepard. Now the note of sadness underneath it all was almost too much.

Grunt shoves the broken bits of flesh, peel, and all into his mouth. Fuck cleaning.

Now they were leaving, and Grunt had to fit goodbyes in a limited about of time. Of course he ran off. Running was the only thing he was good at nowadays. Maybe it was his only skill, ever. When he found Laxim they were helping some turians scavenge some dextro friendly foods. Their hair was cut today. Freshly, shorter strands of hair stick up barely an inch tall, from the top of their skull. The sides of their head were shaven.

A turian with blue paint, that goes down her eyes, before spreading to encompass the entirety of her mandible. She had an arm wrapped around Laxim's shoulders. Grunt hangs back. A part of him wanted to rush over and interrupt the two, after all the krogans would be leaving any moment now, but he recognizes the way the two of them look at each other. He'd seen similar expressions on Garrus and Shepard back on the Normandy before. Two nervous fools, enjoying the other's company, unsure of how serious it is.

Shepard feels like a mother to him. Would that make Garrus his, father figure? He was krantt, but should he be more? He is Shepard's mate, but humans don't always keep one partner forever. In human culture there were instances of step-family. Those who join in to fulfill a role that was once occupied by someone else. Is that what Garrus should be to him? He could ask Shepard once she wakes up.

The idea is pleasant. Having something to look forward too for the after Shepard wakes up, was uplifting. Better then the, 'yes she'll wake up'. It feels more concrete.

Just as he was growing brave by the dreams of after, Grunt remembers they'll need to have another conversation first. He loved Shepard like a mother, but is that how she sees him? Should he even ask? And what about his team? They were gone because of her, lost to the rachni reaper puppets because she wanted to save a being who got not one, but two takes at a 'second chance'. Could he just forgive her for that? Would she want him too? Why does he even care about what she wants? She may die just from take off. That means she's weak. Is Shepard really so weak? Maybe that's why Wrex wants to go.

Grunt could hear the words Wrex didn't say, "Now or never. Time to test her. If she's the Shepard I know she won't die, and if she does then she's not Shepard?" Would he agree with that? Could he agree with that?

Shaking his head, Grunt lets go of it. There's no point in focusing on such things now. There was no changing Wrex's mind. Besides he left not just to say goodbye but to find something too. He failed at finding the waterfall, and Alex, but he won't fail at this. As his head slows down, his eyes take in the warm, yellow Earth sun. It's friendlier then Tuchunka's angry, orange star. The other krogan say that's why humans have such weak flesh, but even Tuchunka used to be kind. It provided food, shelter, and care for the krogan when they first evolved. Did it look like Earth back then?

The other krogan would laugh at him if they knew his thoughts. Anyone with a warrior's spirit would.

Quietly some new inner voice whispers, 'Not Shepard'. Grunt closes his hand over his two hearts. Slowly his head lifts up. Blue eyes meet brown. They've spotted him. "Not Laxim."

For N7 soldiers Laxim and Shepard were different from all the other warriors Grunt had met since waking up, let alone those implanted into his head. Was kindness something taught to human warriors? Some sort of tact to lull others into a false sense of security. Is it natural for them? Did they just know how to be nice?

Grunt looks down at his closed fist. Opening it, he stares at a smooth scar. A blast from a gun he grabbed the front of, and tore out of a merc's hand to protect Garrus. Shepard had been so worried, but proud. Garrus thanked him for the 'kind' gesture, but said the move was foolish since he wouldn't had died either way. Grunt's hand stung for a bit, but he hadn't lost it. The hole had been insignificant for a krogan. Still Shepard had him stay on the ship till it was healed. She even gave him extra rations for a week. A thank you reward she said. He knew she liked to give out gifts to her crew. Shepard used any reason to do so. All because she's kind. 

And Laxim! Few people would've put up with him for as long as they had. Should he try to be more like them?

Grunt looks back up to see Laxim gesturing towards him for the turian female with the blue face paint. Their mandibles spread out before clicking back into place playfully. Laxim's brown eyes meet his again. Now they were waving madly, calling him over.

Eagerness fills him. Matching their excitement Grunt waves back. "Laxim!"

Their dark black, curly hair was tied up today. The sides were shorter then the top, having just started to grow back in. Laxim has talked about getting another shave, but it hasn't happened yet. Would they go bald this time, or just the sides again? He kind of wanted to see how different his friend would look.

"What are you doing here? It feels like you just left."

Grunt glances at the sky. The sun was still low in the eastern part of the sky, but it was clearly daylight. Humans eyes wouldn't have noticed even him so far away without a bit of light. "That was last night Laxim."

"Shit! Has the whole night passed us by?" They looks towards the female turian. She smiles down at them.

"Seems so."

Laxim pokes at the turian's bowed head. "Why do I lose sleep every time you come around?"

The turian pulls Laxim closer with her one arm. "You can't blame me for that." She shoves her hand through Laxim's curls before resting her arm on top of their head. "You're the one that keeps adding more to your plate. How are you supposed to sleep when you," she casually waves her stump. "let every random straggler from here to Palaven bother you with all of their problems?"

Laxim frowns at that, and Grunt can feel his face sinking too. He doesn't really like anyone he doesn't know, but N7s were warriors who help people. At least Laxim and Shepard were. If the female turian hasn't realized that by now then does she really know Laxim? "We've talked about this Vitria." There was an edge to their voice. It's underlaid by exhaustion, but still attempting to be sharp. A blunt blade, but even a blunt blade can do damage if used correctly. It will scare of any half-witted foe who doesn't take notice of the minutia of a weapon, just that it is, in fact, a weapon.

"Laxim, our group is big enough-" and indeed it was.  Just from a simple glance and they were already almost threw with their makeshift ceilings, and small repairs of the seven or eight buildings they were inhabiting. There were four salarians, six turians, and a dozen humans, mostly civilians wandering out and about the buildings that Laxim had been using for a community. Most of the ones they had saved from the collapsed building were gone. Only the very long kid stayed. Right now he's rushing a box of glass trinkets to one of the salarians surrounded by the turians. Everyone else was going about their daily life in the aftermath of the war. Most of the other ships couldn't even move again yet alone make their journey home. Only those their leaders were using to get back first, like Wrex. The rest will have to make due on Earth for some time longer. "We can't keep agreeing to help every single person. Our supplies are limited and our leaders are still struggling to set up supply lines again."

"Vitria everyone deserves food and water. We have plenty for now, and I've been able to use my N7 skills to gather more." The turian finally steps away from Laxim.

Her mandibles flare a bit, before clicking furiously back into place. "There you go again putting it all on you. If you taught some of us those tricks of yours we could help more!"

Tentatively Laxim side-eyes Grunt. They quietly gesture with their hand for him to come closer. Grunt firmly stays right where he is. He's seen this kind of thing before. A coupling argument between mates. If Jack and Miranda's arguments had taught him anything, it's that they rarely end the fun way. There's never fist flying. It's always face to face glares till someone backs off. Boring.

Laxim's face falls as they realized their will be no sudden interruption. "Vi I said we'll talk about this later. Please. Grunt! Buddy!" So they made one instead.

Grunt watches Laxim closely as they stride over to him. One of their arms attempts to wrap itself around his shoulders, but he still towers them so only the tips of their fingers really stay as they walk around his back. Giving up, Laxim removes their hand and leans against his other arm instead. Grunt stares down at the small human using him as a wall. They stare back, smiling with an obliviously happy grin. "What's up?"

Grunt forces his smile back down. He came here with serious news. A krogan doesn't let themselves get distracted by meaningless things. A voice, far too similar to Okeer's asks, 'then what have you been doing lately?'

Shaking his head, Grunt steps away. Laxim immediately falls, tossing dirt up off of the street. He ignores Vitria's glare. They were already standing again. A new look full of worry fills in the bits of Laxim's face, not covered in dirt. "Grunt? Buddy?"  They start to reach out to him, but he's not in the mood to be touched.  Not even by his closest remaining friend on this planet.

Hurt flashes through their warm brown eyes. Satisfaction fills the pit in the bottom of his stomachs. Why was he acting like this? They'll figure it out. As soon as he shares the news. Shepard once used a human phrase for a situation like this. She called it, 'ripping the band-aid off'. Grunt takes an inaudible breath in. "We're leaving."

Confusion. He knows this human expression well. It's different for each but they all look foolish as their faces display the emotion. "Who's al-"

"Urdnot Wrex's flagship is fixed. We'll be returning to Tuchunka." Their face falls again. Grunt turns away, crossing his arms over his chest. It was hard to watch. Why? He can no longer feel Vitria's gaze.

"That's great news buddy!" That's the third time they've called him buddy. They had never used the word so frequently like this. Was that a human sign? If so, for what? Apprehensively he risks his own glance in their direction. They were smiling, but the lines around their eyes were furrowed deeper then usually. Still that is a smile, and it wasn't like Shepard's fake smile. Laxim's face isn't empty at all, but somehow it still feels forced.

"Is there anything I can help you with before you go?" The lines disappear. They go back to their typically, humorous demeanor. Of course, even now, an N7 offers help. Grunt can't help but still wonder is it an N7 thing, a human one, or is that just what Laxim and Shepard do? How did he end up knowing two humans so alike in personality. Aren't they known for being extremely different from each other. Vitria dares to cross the space between her and Laxim again. He half expects her to scold Laxim for offering help so easily again. Instead she simply wraps her arm over Laxim's shoulder and across their body.

"Where could I find oranges?"

The two share a look, before both their faces break out in large smiles. Must be difficult for the turian to keep that up. Just as quickly the two share a laugh, and all the hostility and concern from their earlier fight dissipated.

"Okay, okay, before we go on a mad search for oranges, why do you want them?" Laxim asks, returning to their normal self.

"Shepard used to eat them on long trips. There was always oranges on the Normandy."

Vitria's mandibles tick slightly more open, displaying her confusion loudly. Laxim's reaction was far more expected. They simply smile. "Alright Grunt. Let's go see if we can find you a bag of oranges."

Grunt nods, gesturing with his hand for them to take the lead. Laxim gave Vitria a kiss on her cheek. "Watch out for everyone."

"I always do," Vitria whispers her words. Was it out of shame, or fear? Those smells were mingled together so often lately that his nose is beginning to struggle discerning between them.

Laxim offered a pitiful smile in return. "We'll finish that talk when I get back."

With that the two of them were off. First they tried the only grocery store that was the food storage for Laxim's little colony of survivors. It was a busy place.  A salarian argues with a pair of shorter, younger humans in the corner. A grey haired man meets Laxim's gaze, before gesturing behing him. Laxim nods in return before clapping their hands together loudly.

"Fruit expires quickly. So even if we found some you'll have to keep them cool if you want them to last the duration of your trip back." He snorts, a sign that he was listening. They raise their hand, but stop just short of patting his arm. Laxim lets their arm drop. Neither say anything as Grunt watches it hang limply between them. For the first time since meeting Laxim, Grunt can feel the uncomfortable silence hanging in the air.

'They want to know what's wrong,' Shepard's guiding voice suggests. She had originally said those words when Tali and Dr. Chakwas had been bugging him. Grunt can't even remember what it was about. He was just so angry.

Anger is good. That was one of Okeer's favorite phrases. It was a thought that many krogan take to heart, but he had never been above ignoring Okeer's blasted voice before.

"Come on Grunt I know a few other places we can check." They wave happily. The grim moment was now gone, eradicated by their friendly demeanor. Shepard was always able to get a whole room's attention just by shooting a look, or her gun. Most people never really saw the person that Shepard was. They saw her as a warrior, and respected her, as everyone should. None of them noticed the way she would ever so slightly fire just a little too far left when she was distracted by her thoughts. She would always pick at her scabs for some reason. Even after they grew an angry pink color. People didn't notice the small things. He hadn't even paid much attention to them back then. Is the same done to Laxim? Do they see their leader? A shining example of a warrior? An N7?

His tired eyes cling to Laxim's back. How do they see others? Their pace was determined. Already their was another plan. A new place to check. Is that what a leader is? Someone who always moves, and never stops?

There were so many things he wants to ask Laxim too. Things he hadn't even considered until now. Each question tied down to his mind by fear. It makes his skin tingle and he hates the feeling. It's like a thousand tiny rachni climbing all over him. Was this the feeling of being eaten alive by emotions, or a dying need for answers before Laxim, a feeble human dies. They don't live that long after all. He may never get another chance to actually learn about them. Where does he even start?

"Laxim you mentioned your grandmother before."

"Huh?" They stop so suddenly, Grunt doesn't even notice until he bumps into their back. Grumbling, Grunt glares down at the curious human. "Why are you asking about her?" Laxim's usually small round eyes were narrow. Were they suspicious? Is it not polite to ask humans about their families? Jacob never talked about anyone other then his mate and kid when they last saw each other. He had assumed it to be normal amongst the chatty species. 

But Shepard had never once spoken about her family.

Damn it. He made a mistake. Before Grunt could back off, Laxim was turned around, and facing him again. "You've been acting weird today Grunt. You okay?"

"I'm fine. I thought you humans enjoyed talking about your families." He crosses his arms. An ache pounds against the walls in the back of his skull. This day had been more then enough. "I was just curious."

"Oh. Well what do you want to know about her." Carefully he looks them over. The suspicion had left a completely open individual behind. Still after that, they felt like a stranger. Did he feel like a stranger to them?

"Anything." He blurts out. Really the grandmother was the only person Grunt remembers Laxim ever mentioning. That was why he had started with her.

"Well she raised me." Laxim begins as they turn back around. They lead the way to a door under the crumbling stairs. Walking through without any issue, Laxim doesn't even notice as Grunt takes a deep breath to squeeze in sideways through the tiny entrance. Of course mid-way through he finds his body unable to move any further.

"My parents weren't around for long when I was young. My father and mother were both soldiers." Was that how they became an N7? No Shepard never had any parents to get her into the program. It's probably not hereditary training then. He pushes his other arm through, but the wood creaks. Damn. "Neither ever thought they would be taken out at the same time. That was why they always went on different missions. It was their way of attempt to ensure one of them could always make it back to me." Laxim laughs nervously. "Guess it didn't work."

Grunt resigns himself to watch as Laxim walks around the tiled floor. Two large refrigerators. This must be an Earth style kitchen. The one on the ship looks nothing like it.  There were more appliances here. They were all directly attached to walls as well. No table anywhere in site, not that he could use the chairs that could have been stored in here with it. "Anyways my grandmother raised me. Even after I came out."

"Came out?" Grunt spreads both of his fingers across the panel of the doorway. If he could just push it away then he could be freed. Even if it was just a little.

"I'm non-binary buddy. It's why everyone uses they/them pronouns. It's also why my current name isn't my first one." Laxim admits as they move something around in the first refrigerator.

"Many people change their names. Soldiers, mercs, people with secrets to hide, those whose secrets have been revealed." Grunt, grunts as he pushes against the wood, and wall plaster. Specks of dust, and wall fall upon him.

"It was nothing so serious Grunt. It just means I wasn't going to be the person my grandmother knew. I was the same but, to her she was going to see a new side of me and that made me nervous."  If he keeps pushes the ceiling above them could give out. Damn it! 

Taking another deep breath Grunt pushes himself violently through the door. It works. Victorious he stands in the middle of the kitchen. Not even caring that there were two krogan hand sized holes on the right side of the door panel. "Were you worried she would not recognize you?"

"Not so much. My grandmother could recognize me even if I had surgery to look like an asari." Laxim laughs.

Nothing about Laxim looks like an asari. Was their grandmother an asari? No. then wouldn't they be an Asari, not human. Well they had mentioned that people can find family outside of blood. Hadn't he? "You would need a lot of surgery."

Another boisterous laugh. "I would, wouldn't I?" Grunt nods as he leans over Laxim's shoulders to also peer into the refrigerator. It was packed to the limit with all sorts of chilled food. No wonder Laxim wasn't sure if there were oranges here.

"My grandmother was already old when she ended up with me Sometimes older people don't like sudden changes, but she didn't mind. It took some time but in the end it was as if I was always Laxim." With a disappointed shake of their head Laxim stands up. Their tied up, curly, black hair smacks his face.  "Oops, sorry pal."

"It's fine. You're hair is nothing compared to a krogan's skin."

"So your saying my hair can't damage you. Wow! Krogans are really impressive." Sarcasm. He was starting to dislike the way humans' joke.

They move over to the next fridge. Once more Laxim crouches down as it opens. "My grandma actually told me something that really helped me out." Cool air washes over them. Misty fog hides Laxim's brown eyes. As if it were alive and trying to conjure up an image he could use for their grandmother. "She said, 'People always change.  The only thing that differs is how. Even if you change so much that you turn to robbing banks in the future like Bonnie and Clyde, I'll love you.' I remember it because right after she winked and promised to join me in any endeavors that cause 'the man' problems." The mist was drift away now. Leaving just the cold in it's wake between himself and Laxim.

"Who's the man?" Grunt could easily fight a single man. Laxim could too.

"It's an old earth phrase that means, people in power." Laxim raises their fist into the air. Grunt barely manages to swerve his face out of the way in time. Promptly he steps back from them. That's enough shadowing.  "My grandma is a bit of a hippie. She hated it when my dad joined the army."

"She doesn't respect warriors?" Laxim's grandmother was starting to sound even more like an asari.

"Eh. More like she just doesn't like the Alliance, or the way they do things. She did her best to convince me not to join, but I grew up idolizing my parents and their jobs." Another sigh. They were doing that a lot. "I never thought their jobs were anything less then heroic. Eventually I got to be a hero, but not the way I wanted to be." Sadness fills their tone, even as the smile remains plastered across their face. "But you know all about that, don't cha Grunt?"

Does he?

"Found the oranges!" Laxim all but throws the bag up over their head, towards him. Acting on instinct Grunt catches it by the bag's sides.

"Take the whole thing. Think of it as a going home present. I know you krogan eat a lot, and we can make due with less perishable items." They were rambling again. A list of excuses for Vitria was coming out of their mouth. Grunt didn't hear a word of it. He just stares at the bag in his hands. There were at least a dozen oranges in here. That should be plenty. Once Shepard wakes up they can split them, and share stories. He could take care of her this time. Maybe even get his answers.

That's if she wakes up.

Damn.

He doesn't remember the walk back to the clearing right outside of their little makeshift colony. When he finally tears his blue eyes away from the bright orange fruit they were already standing in the same place where they had been before.

"You must be excited buddy." Laxim rests their hands on their hips. "I know you're going home. Just make sure to write. At least once the extranet is up and running again." They let their head drift back. Brown eyes catch on deep purple skies. "And would you look at that, it's already night time again.

"Time passes by quickly with you Laxim."

"That's because I'm so much fun!" They cackle after, clearly not believing it.

"You are." Before they could react Grunt moves the oranges into one hand and wraps them up in a large hug.

"I'm gonna miss you buddy." He can't figure out what expression they're making. It doesn't really matter in the end. Grunt does hope it's a good one anyways. After a few seconds, Laxim hugs him back. They even push their face against the side of his own.

When a minute passes by in total silence Grunt wonders if he's killed them. Carefully, lowering them he's relieved to see they were still entirely alive. Just smiling silently. They both choose to ignore the tears in their eyes and exchange their extranet information. Just in case that falls through and the extranet isn't fixed, they exchanged full names too, and the names of their next of kin which was really just Urdnot Wrex for him now. They didn't bother sharing addresses. Addresses were just too up in the air right now for them to be useful.

When grunt returned the ship was ready to take off. He's unsure if Wrex had been waiting on him, or not. Quickly the thought is gone from his head. Grunt heads straight for the cockpit. He remains there throughout the entirety of take off. Maybe if he watched them he can spy what might go wrong before it does. He could save her. The desperate thoughts fill his head. Deep down the truth lies, buried under all his useless hope. Even if everything goes perfectly, if he stands there like a guard at the door of the cockpit forever, it won't change what's going to happen next. It won't keep her alive. Still if they mess up it would feel nice to crush them under his grip. It would be a good prefix before the real fight.

Nothing went wrong though. Grunt couldn't find a single mistake. Nor did he need to pin the blame of Shepard's death on anyone. She was alive. Too bad he lost his fight.

The water doesn't cool his head as much as the fight had, but it washes it quickly. In that way it serves it's purpose. Grunt raises his head slowly. Crystal blue eyes stare back at him form the mirror. The cut above his eye  is shallow. It won't scar. Not that he needs it too his ego is scared enough that he'll never forget this day. He can practically hear Wrex in the future now. "I won't apologize kid. That lesson was a needed one." Even if Shepard had him at gun point, that would be the closest Grunt would ever get to hearing an apology from the fossil. Not that he needs one. He didn't lose the fight that badly.

The giant, pulsing, bruised welt on the side of his head disagrees, intensely. Something it makes clear by aching with every pulse. If he didn't have a headache before, that's absolutely what it is now.

The door to Shepard's room slides open easily enough. Surprisingly Wrex hadn't closed the fake walls inside when he left.  "Fucking fossil." He may have won the fight today, but he was still an idiot. What if someone else had opened those doors? The salarian was an even paler grey then usual as she comes bounding across the room towards him. Grunt doesn't fight against her as she takes hold of his arm and guides him to his usual chair besides Shepard.

"How do you feel?" Grunt watches as she turns away from him. Her hands pass over much of her very limited medical supplies. He should have grabbed more for her.

"Like Wrex needs to start working out more." To show off he cracks his neck. The pain that shoots down his body teaches him not to try that again. He pushes her away as she tries to waste cleaning alcohol on him. "Lay off Orrin, Shepard needs that more then I do."

"Ah so you don't have a concussion and a lump the size of a melon to match it. Good to know." Her slender grey fingers daps more of the alcohol onto her cloth. Fucking salarian. She most likely just did that to piss him off. "And I'll decide who needs what medical supplies in this room."

Daring. She wasn't like this before. "You're talking a lot today."

Her large, beady, black eyes are half-lidded as she gently dabs the rag along his open wounds. "I've grown tired of the silence." She's the lone salarian on the ship. Who is she going to talk to? Shepard, Wrex, him, the other krogan? No. Most of the other krogan would want to space her if they knew she was here. Silence keeps the trouble at bay.

"Should've just kept to the background."

"And what good would that do?" Sighing (why was everyone doing that today), the salarian pushes harder into the cut on his shoulder. "No, no. I shall keep busy in all sorts of manners. Helps me stay on edge just enough to be there for Shepard without dying of an anxiety attack."

Gritting his teeth, Grunt forces his mouth to move despite the pain. "How does talking help?"

"Perhaps it doesn't help you krogan, but it gives me a chance to think things through." She insistently wipes dry blood off the side of his face. Apparently he had missed it earlier.

"You can just do that in your head." Salarians are super smart. Why would they need to think about anything out loud?

She blinks at him a few times. For a moment he tenses up, watching her hand to try and figure out what wound she would sear next with that bloodied cloth. Instead the salarian simply turns her back to him. "The war just ended Grunt."

"I know that, Orrin." He hesitated before saying her name. Now that he had it feels weird in his mouth. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Did you know that salarians process their grief quickly?" What did that matter? "We go through our emotions and move on at a rather frightening pace for many individuals. However we have too. When you live such a short lifespan, you have to be able to move quickly," she freezes up, and for once Grunt wishes she could see her large black eyes. What was going on with her? "in all manners." Simple words, but they hang heavy in the air.

"That is why I talk. I was silent for so long to get through my stages of grief. However I am still coming to terms with the fact that the whole war was rather traumatizing for me. Now I am alone, on a krogan flagship, hidden away with the hero of the galaxy, because people want her dead. If some of the crew knew I was here they would want me dead. I'm living in a state of constant danger right now. I thought quietly going along would make things easier." She suddenly turns on her heels and glares him down. "It has not. So I am going to speak my mind while I still have it."

Grunt glares back. In a contest of wills he's inexperienced but determined to win. The same is with all manners of competition. Then a question pops into his mind. It burrows deep. The words, like claws, dig into his concentration, and anger, pulling everything down deep into his chest with it. Finally Grunt blinks. His silent surrender is followed by a words that were empty of any warmth. "Does that mean krogan carry their grief forever?"

She blinks. Even though he's surrendered she gives up the game. "I don't know. It's possible." Timidly her eyes dart to the right, generally in the direction of Shepard's bed. "I'm not krogan." But she's so smart.

For the journey back home Grunt found himself sleeping in Shepard's room, on the floor around, or under her bed. Occasionally he would go down to the pit to watch a fight, or stare out the windows along the ship. For the most part he just sleeps. It was like leaving Earth had pulled all of the strength from his body. Losing to Wrex had beaten the rest out of him.

Even the call for Tuchunka went unanswered by him as all of the others prepare to descend through the planets atmosphere and return home. Grunt just kept laying on the cold, metal floor under Shepard's bed. It was the only place where he didn't dream of waking up to her dead. Under her bed he can hear everything. The whirring of the machines became a white noise. An alarm clock that allowed him to know when it was time to wake up for the emergencies, and allow him to sleep at all other times. Orrin and Wrex's chats were simple, barely noticeable nudges to stir him. Mostly they just kept him aware that this was still real. He was still alive, and so was Shepard. He knows because her shallow breaths that were barely noticeable when she was first saved not serve as his lullabies. So long as he can hear her breathing he rests, and dreams instead of suffering through the fake images of her death. His mind just seems to love conjuring those lately.

He has to stop sleeping under her bed when she's moved to a room high in the colony, right above Wrex's own room.  The air up there was deemed the most appropriate for her. It was shallower then what most humans were used to, but had the least amount of radiation in it's air. "She's suffocated twice and that hasn't killed her yet." Wrex joked. Grunt nearly used the punching move Shepard always used on him again then, but stopped himself. His arms had been full of Shepard's medicine after all.

A week passes, and there's thankfully no change in her health. Grunt curses. When had that become such a positive? He still wants to sleep, but turning down mating requests, and ignoring Wrex's orders take up most of his time. Arguing with him took up the last bit of free time he used to give to sleep.

Now he was standing by the large window right across from Shepard's bed. He could see far all the way up here. The room wasn't nearly as high as the top of the tower had been. Lovely. That was the one world he had for the view. As lovely as this desolated planet could provide. Some pyjack screeches as it's hunted down. The fact he could hear it's faint cry among the clouds was impressive.

"Be careful!" Orrin's voice is distant. It echoes across the room, but not enough to catch his attention. Wrex was being a clumsy fossil again. "Shepard yo-"

Before he could even fully register his thoughts and emotions Grunt was already facing Shepard. She wasn't even sitting up. Her elbows were burying themselves down into the bed they had moved off of the ship, but her head wasn't going up like she clearly wanted it too.

Quietly he meanders towards her. Shepard's eyes were still shut. Already he can see the dark green that will be in the world again. Orrin was trying to force Shepard to lay down again. That wouldn't work. N7 trained Shepard would never let a stranger force her to lay down. So Grunt does the opposite.

He helps her lean forward. For a moment as his hands considerately move across the back of her head, upper body. Surprise crosses her face. It's an expression he's only seen once or twice. Never before had it slowly change into a smile. Did she already know it was him?

Slowly, Shepard's eyes open. It's just a crack, and she blinks furiously the whole time, but they are open. For a moment they're blurry with water. Eventually all the blinking dries them enough for him to watch as they focus again. As the black pupils of her eyes grow Grunt knows, she sees him.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Shepard."  Grunt ignores Wrex's sudden appearance. He's too busy hugging Shepard. Finally she's back.

"Hey there Wrex." She slightly jerks her head. Someone moves her hands back around Grunt for her. Fingers press into his back. They are so light that he could've mistaken them for insects if he didn't already know better. "I see you've been feeding him well."

Grunt ignores the raspiness of her voice. He tries not to memorize the way her throat strains against his shoulder as she speaks. "Of course. He's part of Shepard's crew after all."

He pushes away from her slightly to see her face. It still sags. The cuts still show some of the metal beneath her skin, but it's her. Her fingers twitch, but don't move off of his shoulders. She can't move them, he realizes. The pit in his stomach grows.

Shepard let's her head fall forward. Wrex pushes his head down so her forehead lightly against his own. Water falls onto her face. Tuchunka is infamous for it's lack of rain and everything else. Of course rain would fall on Shepard. He wants to close his eyes. Wants to just live in this moment forever. Finally she's awake and he can't close his eyes. Maybe this is better. As long as he keeps his blurry eyes open then no matter how much it rains he can still watch her and make sure she doesn't disappear. When she closes her own eyes his two hearts skip a beat. The smile on her face calms him down, but not as much as the steady beating of her heart and those finally powerful breaths coming from her chest. The world stays still as he fights to keep his eyes clear enough to watch her smiling peaceful face, with her forehead leaning against his own. She doesn't even realize how close she was to dying.

 Someone pulls him away by his shoulder. It's a careful hand so he doesn't fight it. Wrex gently pats his arm, as he catches Shepard before she could fall forward. "You sure took your time." The old fossil grumbles with a smile as Shepard's shoulders barely move up and just as slightly fall back down. Of course she was trying to shrug. Wrex let's go of Grunt so he can hold Shepard up by her arms. "You did it Shepard. You won, welcome to Tuchunka."

Her smile grows large like one of Mordin's flowers blooming during his acceleration growth test. "Happy to be here Wrex."

"On Tuchunka or just alive?" Wrex's smile falters, but Shepard doesn't notice. This was also difficult for the fossil.

"I would have to be crazy to be happy on Tuchunka, so both."

With a hearty laugh Wrex embraces her. "Right choice Shepard." After a few seconds he pulls away too. Grunt is quick to help move her further back along her bed. She straightens her head as he carefully props her back up against the wall by the head of her bed. "I'll leave you two be for now. I have to get back to keeping the others focused on rebuilding."

"Thanks Wrex."

Wrex's smile widens. "I told you Shepard. You're family."

Family. Wrex saw Shepard as one of them, but he had assumed he saw her as a krogan by title. Had he always meant she was one of clan Urdnot, or that she was part of this family of theirs that he was just beginning to realize was there? The two of them watch Wrex go. As he disappears down the hall, Grunt continues to stare out the hallway, gesturing with his head, until the grey salarian finally follows after him. This talk needed to be private. Even without a door he needed just a little sense of it to be brave enough for this.

"Why?" Grunt ignores the crack in his voice.

"Grunt?" Was her throat struggling to speak still?

"Why didn't you trust me? Why couldn't I come with you?" Maybe now's not the right time, but he needs to know. She has to tell him. If she were to die tomorrow  then he needed to at least know this.

"Grunt you were healing."

"Not after the rachni!"

Confusion. An expression Shepard doesn't share often. He wonders if she ever feels confused by other people like he is with her. "What are you talking about Grunt?"

"When you were turning yourself in," He answers slowly, trying his best to imitate Wrex when he's talking to a diplomat he doesn't like but has to entertain. Slow, purposeful, not at all scared like he feels. Otherwise his last wall would crumble. The dam would spill out, and sewage would fill this space between them, tainting his last chance for the truth. "Why didn't you trust me enough to take me with you?"

"Grunt,"

"I would've fought by you against them all!"

"I know." He looks up and realizes it wasn't rain before. Now they were both in tears. "That's exactly why I had to take you back to Tuchunka. I wasn't going to fight Grunt. I needed to turn myself in."

"Why? We needed you! The reapers were coming!" They won. The way was over, but Grunt still couldn't help but look out the window to make sure there wasn't another reaper appearing in the sky. "The Normandy could've been preparing for the war."

"We wouldn't have been enough." Her tears were drying. She was gaining some newfound strength in her voice.

"Tuchun-"

"Wouldn't have been enough." Certainty. She was so damn certain.

"So what! So what if it wouldn't have been enough? It would have been us! We could've fought together, and then I wouldn't have lost Aralakh company and you wouldn't have been comatose for months!"

"Grunt. I'm sorry I left you, but it was the right choice. Otherwise you would've been imprisoned throughout the entire war, and maybe even after."

She's so damned calm. Reluctantly Grunt stands back up. This was going nowhere. Maybe when she feels better he'll hear what he wants. He doesn't even really want to fight with her now.  What did he want? His eyes drift to the fridge he had one of the engineers put together for the oranges. Wandering over, his hand sits on the door.

"Do you remember that food you shared with me when you visited?" She's just now noticing the fridge herself.

"The oranges?"

Nodding he continues, "Yeah the oranges."

Shepard nods too. Well she tilts her head forward just before it falls forward completely. Then she tilts it back, until it lands against the wall again. "Why?"

Grunt smirks as the last of the peel comes off. Digging the tips of his talons into the soft fruit, it easily gives way under his strength. Sticking yellow and white strings of orange flesh cling to each halve and his hands. The stickiness still feels gross. It's colder then blood, and more adhesive too. Still Grunt ignores it, and with his best smile hands the fruit over to Shepard.

"Where'd you find that?"

"Earth."

"Ah. Sorry I was asleep." Shepard holds the fruit close to her chest. Sad green eyes linger on the fruit. Her head's hung low for too long. "I wanted to show you my home one day."

"Yeah." He knew that. She used to tell him stories and end them with promises of a personal tour. Grunt used to look forward to those promises. Not that he'll ever admit it. "I'm surprised your nails didn't cut straight through the middle of the slices."

Grunt looks at his hands, and the digits on them. "Garrus always called them talons."

"Huh, what do krogan call them?"

Okeer had never put much of a focus on biology aside from how to tear people apart. Grunt shrugs. There were lots of things Okeer felt was fine being left out. A lot of emotions, especially. "Don't know. Could be talons, claws, or nails."

"Digits they are then!" She declares lightheartedly. It was nice to hear her voice again.

"Shepard?"

"Yes Grunt?"

"We need to talk." Actually talk. Not just bicker for a minute and then put it aside.

"Yeah. I guess it's long overdue." Shepard smiles uneasily. "I've missed you buddy."

Pushing the orange in her hand away, Grunt rests his face sideways in Shepard's lap. His own falls onto her sheets with hers. Shepard curls her body over him. Soft, warm hands find their way to his face, as her arms curve around on either side of his armor and head. "I've missed you too." Should he call her commander, Shepard, mom? What were they? While she's been sleeping, he's changed. Has she? Will she? For months Grunt has just wanted her to wake up, now the possibilities of what comes next overwhelms him. Fuck salarians. How do they deal with so many thoughts at once?

Shepard tightens her embrace on him. Her chest presses against the back of his armor, moving his face further into her hold. This one perfect moment encompasses them both fully. The benevolent, warm glow from Tuchunka's sun makes Shepard's pale, white hands, a little orangish. Much like the fruits they've share. Even the angry red scars on her hand look almost peacefully dull in this moment, as she holds him. If Grunt could choose for it to last forever he would have. An eternity in warmth, and certainty. An escape from the never-ending grief that had consumed him for so long now. Perfection. That's what it very nearly was.

Chapter Text

Power was back on the Normandy. The engines were working, but Liara was happy enough with just having the ability to attempt contact with her agents. The moment the power was back on Liara had returned to truly being the shadowbroker. Immediately she was catching up on what her contacts had sent during her absence. Thirty hours later, early in the morning, was when the one email she had been searching for the entire time. 

' Shadow Broker,

I'm sure you are busy with rebuilding the network, but I've received reports that most ships involved with the final strike on Earth can not leave it. That blast immobilized them. This could be the prime time to put some of our plans into motion. Though we should tread carefully. I've already started on the search. Awaiting further orders.

BCL.'

He was still worried about her. Even while he was trapped where he ended up by the time the blast tore through the universe. If only he had given some indication as to where he was. He wasn't supposed to be anywhere near Earth. Yet that was the only place he had mentioned. Did his last mission take him there? Or had he gone in search of someone.

Liara's heart skips a beat.

She immediately begins to write a response.

' Operative not everyone is imobilized but several important ships have crashlanded on uncertain planets. Agent Surk hasn't reached out in days. Keep an eye out. Proceed as plan but make sure to send any tips on the whereabouts of that engineer. Watch out for those trying to take advantage of the power vacuum.

- Shadow Broker'

Patiently, or perhaps due to an impatient need to know, Liara watches as the Extranet waves fluctuate as the email attempts to send. Finally it goes through. Her baited breath flies free. Like forgetting an old wound, a painful weight is now gone from her chest. Feron was okay. She recognizes his codes anywhere, even if the email always changes. Now she can consider their next task. If he's on Earth, or able to contact it, he would be chasing after leads about Shepard. Even if there's the slightest chance, she'll chase it. Just to find out what happened. If anyone has any news of Shepard Feron will discover it. If only she could be there to chase it down.

Next she checks the power readings Tali has been watching. The two of them were the two with access. She fed the feed directly to her tablet, and Liara's computer. Much of Liara's time this past week has been dedicated to the power. First with giving Tali, Adams, Daniels, and Donnelly anything they needed to get it back on. Now with making sure the power went where necessary. They still didn't have much hot water. Liara all but cut the power to the bathrooms entirely. They were the least essential of all the power consumptions. Right now it was steady. Consumption was well within the frame they needed to keep it around. If they wanted to fly, they would still need a majority of their energy after all.

Next she looks at the pile of papers she had used to mark down the words, and progress of the Normandy's repairs. James was down with getting the dents out of the outside hall. Garrus was almost finished welding the ships broken outer wall back together. Kaidan had kept their food consumption to the absolute minimum everyone needed to survive. Which was killing morale. Still everyone was alive. No one was physically sick. Though Joker's and Garrus' mental states were certainly questionable right now. Still Dr. Chakwas has been making attempts to work with them. They were still isolating themselves. It seems that those two were only communicating with each other right now. Kaidan hasn't spoken to either in weeks even though he delivers their food to them daily.

At least they both tended to leave Shepard's cabin. Often together, but they weren't trapping themselves for whole days on in. Garrus attended to his routine of work, and repairs just like before Joker moved in. Only now he was actually eating, and sleeping. At least according to Joker's last report. Liara flips through the pages. Joker had been making himself useful by going out with Kaidan to gather food, for Dr. Chakwas to test and see if it's edible or not. Apparently he's also been aiding Tali with passing her tools within the small crevices of the Normandy only the two of them could really fit in.

A knock on the door, fills Liara with another bout of gratefulness. With the power back on they didn't have to push their doors open and close anymore. Though most doors had some emergency energy powering them, so no one was trapped entirely in their rooms, but her door had been stuck without it for the longest. "Come in."

The doors open with an ease Liara has missed, and Kaidan walks in. "It's time for breakfast." His brown eyes are always tired. They have been since he showed up on Mars. He doesn't look three years older. Even comparatively for human aging. No he looks as if those times with Ash had been decades. Liara doesn't try to think about how much older she looks since she first joined the Normandy three years ago. She's tired too. They're all just exhausted, but in order to survive they can't think about that right now.

Tenderly he sets the plate of food right in the middle of her desk. Lowering the clipboard, she looks over the canned food they were now on. Most of it was Earth plant based food. "Have you slept?"

"Of course Kaidan." Her gaze returns to the papers. A couple more weeks. Tali promised just a few more weeks. With everyone's help it could be sooner. What can she do to help?

"Liara." There's that tone again. She's three times his age, and yet he pulls that tone on her. The one that makes him sound like a disappointed parent. Shepard and him used to be able to get anyone to stand at attention. Hers with that military tone. A voice that just demands attention, and Kaidan who no one wanted to disappoint. There's few feelings worse then a parent being disappointed in you. Was her mother disappointed with her before her mind was taken.

"Kaidan I don't have time for a lecture." With a sigh, she leans back in her chair. Please don't pick a fight. Now really isn't the time.

Instead of pushing her, Kaidan resigns. Crossing his arms over his chest, he leans against the wall. The soft hum of her computer fills the silence. The bright blue light, shines on through her dark room. She didn't want to turn on the lights. That would be a waste of power. Besides her eyes have already adapted to the darkness.

"Can you eat?"

"Of course I can eat Kaidan." Now she was just getting annoyed. What? Did he pity her? Is that why he was still standing there, watching her flip through pages that contain how much longer they'll be trapped.

"I was asking you too eat." She rolls her eyes before meeting his gaze. Those large, sad, brown eyes were practically saucers as his eyes struggle to see in her nearly lightless room.

"Oh."

"Liara you've been working non-stop. Please eat, and get some rest." Kaidan insists.

"I can't Kaidan."

"Yes you can." He bends down next to her chair. Gently he lays a hand on her shoulder. "Rest. I'll take care of things today. What needs to be done?" She shouldn't rest. There's too much to do. Yet her hands were all to willing to push the clipboard into his hands. His hands are warm, despite there being no heat on the ship. They brush over hers as he takes the clipboard and tucks it under his arm. He pushes her chair closer to the desk.

Already she's rambling about her tasks for the day. Liara half-hopes that will be enough to convince him to go and let her continue working. Another, very buried, half of her hopes that he won't relent. Rest sounds so nice. It's just not what they need right now. The ship, her friends, they need her up and working. Feron needs her working.

"It'll be okay Liara. I'll handle it all. Please just rest." His words are so sweet. They offer her a kind of comfort she's been missing since going to Mars.

"Yes, I'll rest." As soon as she finishes eating. Already her eyelids are heavy with the promise of sleep. Perhaps thirty hours without sleep had been too much.

Kaidan leaves to pass out the rest of breakfast. When she's done, he's already back, and ready to take her plate. Offering to help her into bed, Liara shakes her head. Kaidan stays until she's snuggled under her covers. Her eyes drift close as her door clicks shut.

Lately her dreams had been a nothingness void. Tonight they're filled with the war. Shootouts by Shepard's side. Feron coming out of the shadows to strike. There's always a squeeze on her shoulder before he disappears again. Their victories slowly descend into the losses. Her failed missions. The dead that taught her some of her hardest learned lessons screaming in chorus all around her. They continue to push forth. Shepard and the Normandy crew behind her back. As they fight up a hill, one by one their friends are injured. Ashley, Anderson, Kaidan, Joker, Wrex, one by one they go down. Until it's just her, Shepard, Garrus, and Tali left. Of course it's in the last stretch that she fumbles. It's always right at the end.

This time she trips. Before she has even lifted her head back up, the three of them are already so far ahead. The three of them are already almost at the top of the hill. Towards the light, the victory. She made it to the last stretch. Now here she lies, faltering the last step. Left behind to watch Shepard win the day. As Shepard, Tali, and Garrus disappear over the top of the hill, Liara smacks her hand against the ground.

"Can you hear them screaming Liara?" Her head turns around. Hovering above her dressed in her matriarch gown. "Can you hear them cry?" And oh how she can. Shepard, Garrus, Tali, their cries rain down on her from the top of the hill. Each voice joining in with the chorus of all those who didn't make it up. Terrified she feverishly searches for any signs of another soul. Any other survivor. For a second she can see Wrex crawling up towards her. His hand is outstretched towards her, and oh how she wants to reach down towards him, but she has to make it up. Someone has to make it to the top. Can't he hear Shepard crying? She needs help. Liara has to help her. Wrex's hand falls, and as it hits the dirt the light leaves his eyes. He turns to stone right before her. "Oh Liara." For a second she sounds like the mother, Liara grew up with. Her mother. Risking one last look she watches as Benezia's face slowly turns to ash. "It's all on you."

As the ashes fall from her mother's face, Liara is frozen in place. Weak, and able to do nothing as everything burns down around her.

Liara wakes up with a start. Heart racing she sits up and starts to pat around her bed. The clipboard's gone. Her omni-tool isn't turning on, and the room is pitched black. Unable to catch her breath, Liara jumps out of her bed, still dressed, she smacks the open button on her door. After an eternity it's finally cracked just enough for her to get out. Liara races up the makeshift stairs they've put in place next to the elevator. She doesn't stop running until she's outside.

As the cool air touches her face, Liara's breathing finally slows. Walking towards the edge of the jungle she crashes against the closest tree. 

"Shepard, oh goddess I feel so alone." Legs giving out, her knees bury themselves into the soft ground.

Another day trapped, another morning lost to the endless toil of recovery. Tali seemed hopeful about the repairs yesterday. Just a few more days she had said. How many were a few? Truly how much longer could they survive here. Limited food, limited materials, limited power all point to one finality. Limited time.

Even her bones were starting to ache from the worry. Rubbing her temples, Liara forces her body to stand up once more. She needed air. Space and time, that used to be what the Normandy offered, now....

The jungle is still beautiful in the early morning light. The, orange-pinkish rays brightening up the vibrant, dark green of the trees, and purple undergrowth was the single sight she wasn't tired of witnessing. It was the one sight that made, being trapped here, just a tad bit better.

"So you're finally up."

Liara spins on her heels, her bionics at the ready. The hum of them comforting, even as her nerves are strained further. She's met with a rather unintimidated, green skinned, familiar shape of a person.

"Javik?"

"Asari."

"Right." Turning her back on him, she looks out across the jungle. There was still a few minutes of the rising sun to catch.

"You're upset."

Of course she was. He's been trapped here for the better half of a year with them now. Why wouldn't she be upset that in his eyes she is still the 'asari'. Had the whole war not enough to break through such barriers? "By now I thought we had moved past our species, and were on a first name basis." Apparently not.

"Ah, so you're insulted."

"I am." Only a totally apathetic person wouldn't be. Not that she should have to say that. For a species that was far more advanced then their own, Javik still had no concept of manners. Well it was more like he does, the old prothean just doesn't care enough to adhere them.

"Dr. T'soni." She ignores him. "Liara," he speaks again and this time his words are so soft. There's an gentleness to his voice as he mutters her name. A tone she's never heard him use before. Even when they fought in the cabin.

"What?"

"This peace was hard earned. You should enjoy it." Really? Him of all people was telling her to relax. He spent the whole war telling everyone that there was no time for peace. That they had to constantly fight and never relax. He didn't even want to go to Shepard's party. Now, he's the one telling her to relax!

Liara closes her eyes for four seconds before finally opening them again. "Javik I can't. Not until we're off of this planet, and," her voice drifts off. Every thought that crosses her mind is of Shepard. The way she would stand, the lean she'd do to convince people she was relaxed, her smile, the tender way she had carried a very drunk Tali back to her bunk, the blue sparks flying past her face as she fought off that Krogan when they first met, that tired look in her eyes as the war dragged on, the silences that grew longer and longer, as Shepard slept less and less, and finally that smile on her face as she runs from the Normandy, all alone. Garrus, and Tali barely on, clinging to each other to keep from chasing after her.

And what had she done?

Liara takes a deep breath, pinches her eyes close, and sighs. This is fine. She can keep going.

"I just can't."

Javik steps closer. He was a standing next to her. The distance between their shoulders was merely a breath apart. Why was he so close? Were they now suddenly friends despite all of the ways he's brushed her off before? Well he had agreed to write a book with her. If they ever even get to now. Liara's face falls as her heart drops. Can they really get off this planet? Shaking her head, Liara forces her eyes back open and stares at the trees and foreign plants before her. She could leave it all. Just wander into the woods and disappear. None of them would be able to find her. No more problems, or people, no sudden issues being thrown her way, or the Shadowbroker's security constantly being threatened. She wouldn't be stuck up late at night frantically pondering about which friends are alive, and which ones she'll never see again.

A hand on her shoulder pulls her back. Liara blinks and sees she's on the very edge of the jungle's borders. Goddess. What is she thinking? How had she gotten so close? The hand tightens it's grip. Curiously Liara looks back. Javik's still standing right next to her. Their shoulders touching, and now that's breath sized space was between their faces.

"I was going to kill myself."

"What?"

"Before that final battle. I admitted to Shepard that if I had seen my dead, seen my species dying again on my memory shard, then I would join them. She suggested that I forget them then."

"That doesn't sound like-"

"Please let me finish As-Dr. T'soni." He corrects himself before he finishes. Liara forgives the mistake, holding her tongue so he can clear the words from his throat. "Your Commander Shepard is a compassionate person. It's surprising how she won the war despite that, but she did have a war to win." Javik pulls his hand away. Slowly he looks over his palm as if it was alien to him. "When grief consumes you, you become absent. When you obsess you miss crucial details."

He holds himself then. Pulling his arms in, and around himself in a way that causes him to shrink before her. "You have known Shepard for years. You admire her, and believe in her, and that is admirable, but she is human. More so, she was a soldier who had to make some tough calls while at war. If you can not let her go. You will join her, and I don't think your Commander Shepard would want that."

"She is a soldier."

"What was that?"

"You said was Javik, but it's not was. She is a soldier, and she's alive." Throwing her arm down to punctuate her words.

"That may be a foolish thought, Liara."

"Then I shall be foolish, but I know Shepard's alive." Turning her back to him, Liara returns to watching the sunrise. Shepard has to be alive. Javik steps up to stand next to her. Silently the two watch the sun together. It raises Liara's hopes. Even if Javik's were sinking right beside her.

They remain that way, just peacefully enjoy the sun on this strange foreign planet. After the war was meant to be filled with moments like this.

Sadly it has been filled more with the screaming match the two of them returned too.

"Get over yourself Vakarian!" Joker was standing on his toes, doing his best to yell in Garrus' face as Liara and Javik returned to their floor. In the kitchen space was a loud argument. Instead of returning to their rooms, of course the two went to see what was going on.

"Garrus needs to learn how to stop beating us with that stick from his ass."

"Joker-" Kaidan tries to quiet the pilot. He's quickly cut off with a quick shove from the shorter man. Neither had expected it to be Garrus and Joker who were fighting.

"I'm right and you know it! Just cause he's in denial about Shepard being dead doesn't mean he has to ride the rest of us this hard. It's not gonna make the repairs to the Normandy go any faster!" Garrus had been oddly silent during this whole tirade. Liara could see the pressure building in his shoulders. He was a bomb, and Joker was the clock ticking away the seconds before detonation.

"Joker!" Kaidan shouts, pushing his way through the crowd that had begun to form.

Liara's body was moving before she had time to think it through. Just like Shepard, she mentally tries to convince herself. Act first, and stop the fight. Before she can reach the pair, Joker says the one thing that could pop the lid off their tiny glass jar.

"Edi's dead! Shepard's dead! Just because you keep her name plate hanging up above your head in her cabin instead of on the memorial wall doesn't change things! You need to get that through your thick skull Vakarian!" No. No no no! Of course he had to go off and say the one thing that could tear the seal off of the ticking time bomb that was the Normandy crew right now.

Garrus moves swiftly. Standing at his full height, Vakarian glares down at Joker. His mandibles completely outstretched as a screeching hiss of anger escapes his throat. It's high, and sharp enough to cut through her head. It's enough to make her wince, and fight back the urge to cover her head. Oh how his subvocals must be screaming even greater out of rage, and grief right now.

Liara uses all of her self restraint to summon her bionics instead of covering her head. Vakarian was already moving for Joker. His hands outstretched to grab, the panicking human, as his head is brought down at a great speed. With great effort she uses her bionics to hold Garrus off. Just in time his head comes crashing down against her bionic shield around Joker. With a dazed look on his face, Joker stares up at Garrus through the shield. Then, as if Liara hadn't saved his life at all, he falls down. A sharp crack fills the air. It rings something within Garrus' mind as he blinks before looking around. His foggy blue eyes linger on Liara for just a moment, but it was all she needed to know he has put together what just happened.

Out of rage, or frustration, he attacks the shield again. This time he brings his arms down onto it. Then he rakes his sharp digits across it's surface. Before striking it with his head again. Every act a completely rage filled defiance against her authority. Their chances of everyone making it off this world, alive, and together was dwindling. Each one of his strikes against her shield drains her. Slowly, still staring at Joker and Garrus, a mere two feet away, Liara starts to falls to her knees. Focusing all her strength into keeping up the shield against Garrus' onslaught. If she were under it, perhaps it wouldn't be so difficult, or she could even just summon it to block his specific attacks. From this distance she has to keep the whole thing up. There's no other way to protect Joker.

"You need to stop Vakarian!" Liara strenuously forces her head to turn, and glance up. It was only two inches, but it felt like she was forcing a krogan to move. Her eyes catch on Javik seize one of Garrus' wrists within his grasp. Her friend fight back against him, using all his force to try and tear his arm free, as his small, hate-filled blue eyes still focus entirely on the collapsed man before him. When it becomes clear Javik has no attention of just letting Garrus go, the turian changes tactics. He sweeps his left leg at Javik's feet. Clearly the prothean expected that, as he easily jumps over the attack. As his feet land agian, Javik uses an unbalanced Garrus to throw the turian forward by the hold he has on Garrus' arm. Javik then wraps his other arm, under Garru's free one, and holds the turian's back against his chest. Garrus towers over Javik, but that doesn't keep him from being held in place. The two struggle against each other, locked in a tight embrace. It was impressive the way Javik was able to restrained Garrus all by himself. Though saying that means little as they still have to calm him down.

Liara lessens the strength in Joker's shield. Now that it was not facing an onslaught of attacks, she could conserve some strength, and move a little easier. Joker's eyes meet her own as she forces herself to stand.

Tears were glistening in his eyes, as he grits his teeth tightly together. Every part of his body was shaking. Did he break anything from his fall? Does Dr. Chakwas even have enough medigel to help him if he has.

"Cease this behavior! You are a soldier, death happens!" How do these men keep saying the completely wrong thing? Liara screams internally as she watches Garrus begin to thrash again. They needed to calm him down. Pissing him off more is going to make everything worse.

"Stop saying that!" Garrus orders, as he throws his head back. Javik skillfully moves his own head out of the way just in time. Garrus thrash clashes with his shoulder instead. He was too angry to realize, that with his height advantage he could try to throw Javik over him. Maybe angering Garrus was done with purpose?

Liara turns her attention back to Joker. With Javik handling Garrus she needed to get him out of here, and clear the area. "Everyone clear the way!" Liara orders. A few of the human crew hesitate, but swiftly move back as they came to their senses. Liara looks through the crowd, and sees Tali watching from the side, blocking Garrus' most obvious route of escape. Smart thinking. If he gets free and tries to run out, Tali may be the one person who could calm him down enough to bring back his sense. She turns her head to see Kaidan had several smaller barriers up, separating much of the crew from the fight.

With wobbly legs, Liara steps closer to Joker. She winces as Javik throws Garrus against the wall. Risking a glance, her eyes catch Garrus twisting around throwing his elbow out towards Javik. He dodges the elbow, stepping around, and behind Garrus. Before the trained turian could react, Javik was throwing him against Liara's shield.

"Kaidan!" She couldn't keep it up anymore. Crashing down to her knees, Liara fights to keep her head up. She focuses all of her will and power into maintaining the shield. Garrus was now grabbing for Javik, trying to throw him back into her bionic shelter. Kaidan was quick to follow her orders. Dropping all of his shields he swoops in, dropping onto one knee right behind where Joker's back touches his shelter. Her blue eyes catch on Javik hurling Garrus over his shoulder, onto the ground. Despite Garrus having the height advantage, he was losing.

He's too angry, Liara realizes as she drops the shield for Kaidan. He grabs Joker, and swiftly moves him into a bridal position with his arms. Now he wouldn't be able to keep up his shields, but if he could get Joker out of here, and out of sight, maybe then they could stop Garrus and his rampage. Finally able to feel her drained strength returning Liara breathes deeply. The tip of her head gently brushes against the ground. It's cold embrace a reminder that she wasn't dead quite yet. That's right, and her friends needed her help. "Stop!" She barks out the order the same way she's seen Shepard do it so many times before.

Pushing herself to stand, Liara glares at the fighting pair of men. "I said stop!" She shouts, giving one last shot as stopping this with her bionics. She summons two force fields between the two of them. Before they could react she pushes the two away from each other, and onto the ground. Keeping them on their backs, Liara stops right in between them. For the briefest of moments guilt fills the pit of her stomach as she looks over the bruised, Javik. Quickly she turns her head. He brought this on himself for antagonizing Garrus even more during the fight.

In fact the turian was already looking calmer despite the force field pushing against his chest. Almost as if being pushed into the Normandy's floor was exactly what he needed to stop his blood rage. "There will be no fighting on this ship!" She looks back and forth between them. "Am I understood!"

The deadly air in the ship shifts. A sadness still seeps in, but the anger from before was gone. "Yes." The two men agree.

"Good. Now if I see you attack another one of the crew I will rip you out of Shepard's quarters myself, Garrus Vakarian." To make sure he understood, she gives the field an extra push against his chest. Just for good measure. That's what she tells herself, as a disgusting feeling of satisfaction rears it's ugly head.

"Yes sir." Already she could see a spark of rebellion in his eyes. She could tear him from that place, but she would have to kill him first. Fine. He can stay angry. So long as he doesn't attack anyone else.

Letting her head roll along the back of her neck, Liara shift's her gaze to Javik. "And WE don't know if Shepard is dead. Many of US don't know if any of family and friends made it out of the war alive. Reminding everyone of that will not make any of this better, Javik."

He glares at her with narrow slits for eyes. She could barely make out the colors in them, through his heavy eyelids. He had attacked Garrus to help. From the look on his face she can't help but think, he had done it to help her. Was she crushing the newfound respect he had just shown her. Reacting to her thoughts, her biotics push down on Javik too. "I understand, Liara." He must've thought she was attempting to force him to respond. It had worked, even without that being her intention.

Liara's cold blue eyes had never felt so dry. Anxiously she quickly pulls the fields off of her friends. Could they still call each other that? Suddenly, very exhausted she looks up into the crowd of the crew.

"I think we all just need to take a breath and walk away." Kaidan was already shooing people. Joker still safely tucked into his arms. Joker's eyes were red, but at least he was no longer crying. Kaidan though, he looked as if he was about to break down next. Would she be able to rely on him in the future? Will they all eventually fall apart? No. No that won't happen.

Waving for Tali, Liara wonders how much longer they could all last. Quietly, the purple clothed Quarian runs over, and helps Garrus up. She'll need to find new room for Joker. No doubt Garrus wouldn't want him in Shepard's room anymore. She can't just let him simply return to resting in the cockpit. That wasn't healthy for him, and it made the whole morale of the crew skyrocket into the ground. Much like the Normandy as Joker fought to land it, while calling out for EDI. As Liara stands there, in the middle of the kitchen, she hears the screams again. The terrified cries as the Normandy lands in the very place it's still stuck in. How much longer?

Javik gets up on his own. He keeps a few feet between them, as the pair watches Tali lead Garrus away. "Kaidan, can you set Joker up in your room. I'll go by Shepard's cabin to get his stuff later tonight."

With nervous eyes he looks Joker over. The pilot opens his mouth, as if to speak. His eyes drift over to Tali, practically having to lure Garrus away with an open hand and calm words. Clamping his mouth shut, Joker weakly nods. Kaidan carries him away, taking the opposite way around the wall in order to avoid Garrus and Tali.

Liara remains in place until everyone else had returned to their tasks at hand, and rooms. When it's just herself and Javik, the asari finally allows herself to let out a sigh. This was all so much easier before.

"If you keep comparing the past to now, you'll lose sight of what you're working towards. Asari." And there it was. Wise words of wisdom, ended with a twinge of disdain. Liara doesn't even try to stop him, as Javik walks away. Wistfully she imagines Shepard coming around the corner, as she has so many times before, as Javik goes. The ghosts passes him by, before vanishing.

Javik was right. She needed to focus now.

Turning on her heels to return to her own room, Liara's is frozen in place by an all too familar sound. The engines were humming. It was quiet and faint, like the Normandy's engines always were, but she would recognize the subtle shaking in her feet anywhere. The engines were running, can the Normandy fly now?

"When you're at your lowest, and rockbottom feels leagues above your head come up for air. That's how you notice everything you missed before." Shepard had given her that advice when Liara first joined the crew in search for her mother, and answers of Shepard's connection to the protheans.

Maybe the goddess had been a prothean, but Shepard, dead or alive, she had been the most honest thing in Liara's life.

Liara's body bounces as she now runs into her room. Behind the sealed door she pulls up the power readings. Gently she rubs Glyph's silent, cold station as she passes by. Her blue eyes catch on the final email she received from Feron. His words had sent her into a greater despair yesterday, but now they are the motivation she needs. Eventually she won't be alone anymore. Liara quietly steps through the ship, heading up the stairs, for the front. Feron is still out there, Shepard may very well still be alive too. The door to the wilderness opens slowly, allowing her to take in the cold, early morning air, and accept it. They, at least, understand her. Even if all of her friends on the Normandy can not.

"Please be alive Shepard." Even if she's not well, so long as she's alive. Please.

Chapter Text

Cold sheets, cling to the drying sweat of her body, her room wasn't as cold as normal. In fact it was as hot as the shared quarters between the rest of the crew. All that body heat bottled up and trapped within the metal trap, it had felt ridiculous. So why was her room so hot? Lazily, her eyes open. They fight back against the sands of sleep curling up in the corners of her eyes, almost losing the battle. Slowly she takes a deep breath. Her centimeter her chest moves, aches. The pain works in her favor as her eyes snap into focus on instinct, despite the dark room.

Head pumping against the metal bars, of the bunk bed above, was the final clue Shepard needed. The bed under her creaks, as she sits up. Throwing her legs over the edge of the bed, Shepard scratches the side of her head. A familiar scar meets her cold fingers. Her instincts had been on point. She was back in the shared quarters. Looking up her eyes meet the sterile, green, hospital sheets used on Dr. Chakwas' bed above her. Neatly tucked in, as if untouched. Had she slept last night? From the way there were barely any lights on it could still be night time.

"Shepard please make your way to the CIC." That smooth, versant voice eases Shepard's concerns. With Anderson around she knew the crew was taken care of.

Even if Dr. Chakwas misses one night, she won't miss two. He'd make sure of that. Just as he makes sure to train with her once a week. Having a schedule helps with keeping track of time in the endless void of space. They both knew that he needed a way to vent, just as much as she did. Training with one of the best N7 trained soldiers ever only recements Shepard's choice.

Joining the Normandy's crew was the right move.

"Sounds like we should go." Surprise causes Shepard's heart to beat faster. Keeping her body, she peeks out of the corner of her right eye. There, rubbing at her sleepy eyes with one hand, was Ashley. Messing long hair covers her eyes, but now her relaxed smile. "Come on." She tugs on Shepard's warm right hand. Shepard stares at their clasped hands. Had she held on all night?

Ashely stands easily, as if this was perfectly normal. A small tug on Shepard's hand, and the commander was up as well. Following behind her friend like a child. Shepard's eyes fall towards their hands. She squeezes Ashley's. Returning the gesture, Ashley squeezes back, smirking over her shoulder. The room was just a little bit brighter now.

Their former wear appearing with every step towards the door. Shepard blinks and the two of them are standing in the CIC two feet apart, hands neatly folded behind their backs. Her hair was up in a pristine bun. Not a single hair out of place. It was almost as if they hadn't just scrambled out of the room dressing on the way.

Kaidan and Jenkins had been called as well. Shepard eyes flicker between Ashley every time Kaidan's eye twitches. His migraines must be bad today. Jenkins doesn't even notice as he bounces giddily in place. Such was the enthusiasm of a new soldier. Yet despite Ashley standing rigidly still compared to the other two, Shepard couldn't stop looking at her. The way her jaw sets tensely in place. Her teeth had to be gritted together uncomfortably. Even so, she never breaks form. How she could see all that despite the CIC being darker then Shepard had ever seen it, she wasn't sure. Maybe it's because she knows the room, and her people so well. One day she might even know them as well as Anderson does.

Shepard hadn't noticed as Anderson approached. She didn't even realize he was speaking. Her eyes were laser focused in on Ashley. Williams wasn't flickering anymore. Her form solid, sticking to one appearance. Which shouldn't be weird, but for some reason it unsettles Shepard. She hadn't always looked like this. Had she?

"Commander I understand that battle was more then you expected, but you must pay attention." Anderson cordially squeezes her shoulder.

They were all watching her now. Half a dozen eyes trained on her, Kaidan's shut tight as he fights off a migraine. "Everyone take five. You all deserve some rest. It was really Shepard I wanted to speak to anyways." With that her peers are gone. She didn't even see them walk away. Then again she was the Commander. Anderson's XO. They weren't really her peers, were they? Anderson snaps her out of her thoughts, literally. The sudden noise, forces Shepard to blink, and refocus.

"Commander the rest of your crew can be found around the ship." Anderson continues as if he had never been interrupted. His stern, brown eyes relax as they take in her face. "They'll have new scars, like you." His hand moves from her shoulder to the side of her face. Gently he rubs her thumb across the bottom of her eye, as if to wipe away a tear.

Nearly breaking form, Shepard straightens her back instead. "It never hurts to touch base sir."

A soft smile. His laugh is informal. It takes her back to the time they sat together on the citadel. They just sat down and watched the end of it all. Still he could talk, and laugh. He spoke and laughed, with her.

Pulling his hand away, Anderson's face changes back to that of the old, hard boiled captain. She can't help but wonder as her heart swells, is he still proud? Was Garrus? Could he really continue to stay by her side after everything she's done?

Then again, what had she done?

An itch forms at the base of her skull. Either that old biotic chip of hers was acting out again, or there was something itching at her there. Moving to scratch it, Shepard stops as she realizes Anderson is still with her. He smiles knowingly.

"I assumed you would want to talk to them in order." His words were soft. Maybe he did know what she was thinking of. Who she was thinking of. "They are where you remember seeing them first."

Shepard thinks back. From all the battles the Normandy crew had gone through, including the Normandy itself, the crew had a habit of moving around. Sometimes she would run in circles for half an hour before finally finding them again. Although it always turned out they were always in the first place she checked. Just not the first time she would've gone by.

So where had she seen them first? Most on the citadel, but they weren't near the citadel. For some reason her gut fills with a heavy painful feeling. Had she accidentally drank some dextro alcohol with Garrus and Tali again?

Taking a step, Shepard finds herself in the engine room. It was lower then she remembers, like on the first Normandy. As she turns around, it looks like the engine on the SR-2, after she returned to the alliance. It was always dark down here but even more so now. Not as dark as the CIC room, but still low lit under the norm. Working away int he dark was engineer Adams, Donnelly, and Daniels. Daniels was on Donnelly's back. Her legs tucked under his arms, as she wiggles around, half hidden inside the Normandy ceiling above them. Where was the spot on the upper floor? Below Kaidan's room? Thane's? Hopefully neither decide to train with their biotics right now. Otherwise Daniels might have to carry someone on her shoulders too. With the way Donnelly was already struggling to keep balanced, just with Gabriella on him, he better hope so too.

She steps around Adams, who gives a half-hearted nod, before returning to observing the other two. Quickly, she returns the gesture before striding faster towards the engine. At first glance Tali didn't seem to be around. Anderson was rarely wrong though, so Shepard looks on. Under every pipe running through the engine room, and around every stack of tools and boxes. At one point she even ventured to climbing around the core. Not that Adams let her do that for very long.

With a defeated sigh, Shepard sits on the railing. She lays her arms out on either side of her, loosely gripping the metal rails. "Shepard? What are you doing here?"

Of course now she appears. Shepard wants to be frustrated, but nothing keeps her smile at bay. "I was looking for you." Tilting her head up, she meets Tali's glowing eyes. Shepard crosses her arms. "Tell me, what is a quarian doing crawling through the ducts of our ship?"

Tali giggles. A pang shoots through Shepard's heart. Oh how she's missed that carefree sounds. "I was cleaning them." She stretches out her arms. "We don't want some random dry blood slipping through the filters and messing up the core." Shepard steps away, taking her hands.

"That would be horrible, but we do have filters for a reason." It was just a joke, but Tali rolls her eyes as she slides out of the duct. Her hands let go of Shepard's and grab her shoulders. Shepard's drift down Tali's body. They hold her tenderly as Tali's whole weight shifts into her grip.

"Shepard do you have any idea how quickly those filters become covered in dirt, and dust, let alone the amount of blood that is brought onto this ship." That hadn't been the easiest way for her to come down, but Shepard isn't going to complain. Her hands were still holding Tali's sides as she wraps her arms around Shepard's neck. Tali practically pulls the human woman down to her level. Of course she returns the gesture by wrapping her arms around Tali's back and lifting her up with ease.

"I'm so glad you're back Shepard." That's weird.

"Back?" Carefully, she sets Tali back down.

"You never come by engineering." Tali insists. "At least not as much as you go by storage. Though I suppose I can't blame you. Garrus does train in there."

"So does Vega." Shepard points out. Casually waving her hand that way she continues, "only have your eyes on Vakarian?"

"No worries Shepard. I know he's taken." Of course he was, but it's not like Shepard can blame Tali for being interested. Afterall Garrus was, well Garrus Vakarian. Her smile falters for a moment. Why was he so hard for her to describe? Dread fills her gut again. The same way it did back then with Alex. Shepard looks around the room quickly. Panic not quite settling in. "But a girl can look." Was someone going to die? No. No. They were on the Normandy. A ship named after one of the most famous battles to ever occur on Earth. A ship they've flown into fight after fight. Someone could die. Hadn't she?

"Of course." Quickly taking Tali's hand, Shepard pulls her away from the core, and the ears of others. All the way they go, to the very edge of the engineering room.

"Shepard I didn't mean anything by it." Already she was clamoring to gather her words.

"What? No, no Tali I wasn't," Of course she would misunderstand. Still, Shepard can't ignore this feeling in her gut. With a shake of her head, Shepard holds Tali's hands closer. The back of her head was itchy again, but she forces herself to ignore it. "Tali if something happens to me, will you help them?"

"Help who, Shepard?" Her voice was lowering. Of course she would keep any worries secret between the two of them. No point in worrying the others. Shepard chokes on the laughter that dies in her throat. Every sense in her body was screaming to run. "The others. Garrus, Joker, Liara, and Grunt. I know you aren't the closest to everyone but could you try and keep an eye out on them."

"Of course Shepard, but you know better then I, Liara doesn't need anymore eyes on her." She squeezes Shepard's fingers. "If anything a few less could help her most."

Nodding, she agrees. "That's true. That's true."

"You're worrying me Shepard. Go and find Garrus. I think he'd understand what you're going through best." She was right. He could always tell. Garrus was just like that. Tali sent her off, with one more quick hug. Shepard steps out the room, and of course she was next to the mako, Garrus stuck under the car. Wrex stands at the end of it, holding the vehicle up. The lift but be broken.

"You better not drop the car on him."

That slow, menacing cackle. It was as much of a threat, as a sign of his good mood. "Of course not Shepard. But you never know. Accidents can happen. Especially to smart aleck turians with sticks up their ass."

"You've been talking to Joker too much Wrex. Besides," Garrus slides out from under the car. "I don't think the first human spectre would forgive you for killing her partner."

"I could find her another." Wrex promises with a sudden drop of the mako. He catches it last minute, barely keeping it from destroying Garrus' hand.

His mandible flicks open, betraying his annoyance even as he tries to smile. His sarcasm was noticeably less playful. "Do that again Wrex and Shepard won't be the only woman looking for a new partner."

"And you would take away Tuchunka's new, benevolent leader?" Benevolent huh. It fits. Their benevolent Wrex. Guardian Krogan of the Normandy. Friend to all crew, brother to a few. Leaning back she can already picture the statue of Wrex the Citadel should erect.

"There'll be another." Garrus says dryly as he sits up and starts to clean his talons. Never another like Wrex.

"Now now, boys. Joker could use less fighting on the ship. After all he has to drive this whole thing by himself. Wouldn't want him to go turning it around on us." She was joking again, but the two of them share a look. Worry was etched into every aspect of Garrus' face. Meanwhile Wrex was suddenly stone-faced and cold. His best attempt at keeping expressionless. They knew something she didn't.

"I think you should talk to Thane." Garrus throws out there.

"That's the drell right? Saw him on Tuchunka during your last visit. The fish can't stand dry air." Wrex adds, and Garrus shakes his head. Wrex was pushing on something. What it was she can't tell, but it was clearly going a little far for Garrus.

"Of course." Something was wrong. The itching was getting worse. She stays a moment longer. Laughs at Garrus and Wrex continue their back and forth. The three of them even share a meal. At least they were all alive. That meant they could enjoy more moments like this. Shepard laughs as she watches Wrex put Garrus in a headlock. He quickly jabs his head back, driving the spikes into Wrex's arm before driving both hands between his head and Wrex's next, and escapes with a quick jump and push. A classic turian technique, Garrus assures her, but it seemed like he was close to freaking out when the head jab hadn't force Wrex to let him go right away.

They continued on like that, until Shepard glances down, and realizes all of her food's gone. It was time to go. Mournfully she looks up one last time. Her heart twists, and she mentally scolds it. This won't be the last time they talk like this. After all, the three of them, they're all still alive.

Which begs the question, who's not?

As soon as the question registers in Shepard's mind she's no longer in the storage hull. Instead her feet stand in a dimly lit hallway. Her heart drops as she realizes which one. Her green eyes drift towards where the memorial should be on the wall. Before she can see how many names are now on it, Ashley runs past. Her hair still up, but stray, frayed strands now fly loose around her face. She bumps into Shepard's shoulder, and disappears into Thane's room.

She was going to run after Ashley. Every urge in her body shouted to run after her. To not let her go like Alex. Yet her feet don't move.

"Ash-!"

"Shepard!" Her cry was cut short by someone excitedly calling out her own name. The hair on her neck shoots up. Her hand flies towards her pistol, only to find her holder empty. Damn! She must've forgotten it this morning, fuck. Shepard takes a second to steel her nerves. This is the Normandy. She's safe here, even though few shout her name without firing.

Liara holds Shepard's arms. She rubs them up and down, with her cool, blue hands. As if there was any heat to share here in this barely lit hallway. They could almost see their breaths here. The asari was shivering like an ice cube now. Her hands felt like cold metal bars even through Shepard's armor. Which is a bit odd, but it's so cold, Shepard will have to think about how that could be possible later. Wrapping an arm through Liara's Shepard guides her back to her room. Miranda's old room. At least she had managed to go somewhere safe. Probably acting as the best godmother ever to Jacob's kid. Jack acting as a less positive, but just as protective godparent too. It's not like Jacob was crazy enough to say no. Especially not to Miranda, let alone Jack.

Liara's door slowly begins to open. The lights linger off for a moment more, plunging Shepard back into the same level of darkness as the quarters had been.

Then with a snap, the lights were back. Jacob, Miranda, Jack were laying on Liara's bed, their backs against the wall, cards in their hands. They were in the middle of some kind of game, a stack of chips on each of Miranda's crisscrossed legs. Kelly, and Samantha were standing close by, laughing at some joke from Samara. The older asari smiles peacefully as she continues. Javik, and Zaeed were currently loading their guns. Kasumi blew Jacob a kiss before disappearing in front of the two. Hopefully they were going to try and hit her for target practice. Diana recording everything. Cortez watching her as he talks to Vega over his omnitool. Koylat notices the two of them first. He breaks out of the crowd and for just a moment Shepard can see Mordin, Thane, and Legion behind him. The three disappear just as quickly behind his back. He holds out his hands and takes Shepard's. Everyone was so keen to hold her fingers today. Was it too keep her from noticing she still doesn't have her guns.

"It's so good too see you here. Finally." He says the last word like he's running out of breath. His skin was eerily dry as well. A cough escapes him. Fear fills her heart. Him too? Repeats in her head a dozen times, but she can't recall why. Who was him?

"Take it easy Koylat." Shepard encourages patting his back. She switches to a circular rubbing motion. After a few moments he stands again.

"Thank you Shepard. But please," he pushes her arm away with some hesitation. Was he in pain? "Do not worry about me. Liara wanted to throw this party for you."

"And what an impressive party it is." Miranda throws out there, sarcastically. Jacob and Jack throw down their cards. She's won. Again by the size of the chips on her legs.

The other attendees don't even notice Miranda's tone. They continue on chatting, and holding each other close. Javik and Zaeed throwing their guns towards the other after each shot they take.

Koylat looks towards Liara's door with tear stained eyes. Shepard snaps her neck around to follow his gaze. The ends of a black coat flash by the door. Ah she must be playing some games. Well if it's upsetting Koylat someone has to talk to her. Cracking her neck Shepard walks towards the door. "Kasumi can we lay off the jokes for tonight."

"That wasn't me." Comes a voice against her ear. Kasumi's breath tickle the back of it, as Shepard sighs.

"Alright, but lets still keep the pranks to a minimum tonight. There'll be plenty of other times to rile the gang up." A low whistle of disappointment greets her ears. So it wasn't Kasumi, but then who? Leaning her head out the door, Shepard looks around. The party's no longer contained just in Liara's room. The rest of the crew was spread out, toasting to their survival, and dancing. Well half of them were. The other half stuck to the walls. Some of their faces were covered in shadows. Other's were so bright that she couldn't make out anything past the light.

"Shepard!" Mordin chirpy voice rings like a bell in her ears. Despite the sudden loud noise, Shepard turns to greet him with a large smile. The red salarian steps away from the wall next to Liara's room. He throws his arms up, "Congrats!" Why was everyone making that same motion today? It's not an alien custom she's heard about so far. Not that drell, and salarians probably share much anyways.

Swiftly he lowers his arms, and falls into a midway bow. It was a mix of a bow an da curtsy. The kind an actor may give at the end of a performance. Gracefully he rises again. A wink from his eye, and mischief in his smile. Dressed in his typical outfit, there was no way he was who she had seen. "Leaving the party so soon? Did not take you to be an early bird."

"All that time practically acting as my second doctor means you should know better." Her retort is playful. She even crosses her arms and leans back against Liara's now closed door. Movement catches her eyes. The shades linger in the background as the beaming balls of light people start to edge around the room. Yet they never mingle with the face containing half of the room. They just move, from shade to shade.

"I know. Not one for turning in. Let alone early!" His smile inches across his face, slowly receding. Eventually he's as apathetic as she remembers him being back on Tuchunka. Trying so hard not to feel anything. That's the thing about feelings though, they always smack their way into being acknowledged.

"Sad isn't it?" He slides up next to her. No longer moving the way she recalls.

That professional distance. A voice few can master. "What?"

"I don't know most of them. Never got the chance. Just how life is. Sad to think about." Honestly she can't even tell who they are supposed to be. Some of the ones dancing she knows, but from the shades and lights she has no idea who they are, or were. She still hasn't seen Pressly either.

"It's hard to be sad about things you'll never know. Even if you try and think about those people, chances are it's just your brain making them up. You'll never know who you don't know."

"So why do you think about the futures that could have been for people who are dead?" His guise of friendliness disappears. Now it was all business. Shepard side eyes him briefly. Mordin's vision never leaves the shades.

Shepard finds her own attention being pulled back to them as the lights stop at new shades. "Because you at least know those people. You can take a guess at what they would've done."

"Yes but you don't know the other people in their lives. Not always." He rolls his wrist to punctuate his point. This feels obvious to him.

"It makes me feel better."

"Is that why you imagine the life Ashley may have had?" He waits a few moments. Shepard clamps her mouth shut, and stares everywhere but at him. His beady, black eyes dig into the side of her head. They never turn away. "I think you do it to give yourself a reason to feel guilty?"

"What?" There was no stopping her was snapping her whole attention back to Mordin now. "That's insane Mordin why would I-"

"Because you think it's your fault she's dead. You sent Kaidan away with the salarians, and her with the bomb. The life of the one, over the many won out in the end. You hate the fact that you had to make the choice, so you force yourself to reignite the burden of guilt whenever it starts to disappear."

"That's ridiculous Mordin. I-"

"Then why don't you feel guilty about me?"

"I do!" Her shouting has no effect on him. Neither do her lies. Deflated, she shrinks back. "But you made you're own choice."

"And Ashley made none?"

"None that should have cost her, her life!" Shepard grits her teeth together to ignore the shaking of her body.

"You don't want to give that guilt up." He says it so matter of factly Shepard could feel her stomach twist. "No point lying to me Shepard." He taps his head pointedly. "Figment of your imagination. That's why I know. Why my voice is so inconsistent. Think about words Shepard."

She never did know what he was going to say next. "You're point has been made Mordin."

"Then job here done." He waves as he walks back into the wall. He stops as his body was halfway in the wall. "Thane's the one you're looking for. Saw him running, uh," His hand swishes back and forth. "That way!" His hand snaps back towards the main battery with a sickening crack.

Shepard's gaze follows his hand. The room was open, and even darker then here. Thane never went in there, why would he? She wants to ask if he's sure, but Mordin is gone. A pair of shade, and light fill where he had gone through the wall.

Once again alone in a room full of people, Shepard retreats. Her feet know the way even as she closes her eyes and dashes through the room. After all, that was Garrus' room for so long. Her feet know the way almost as well as her heart.

As she enters the main battery, the door slams shut behind her. Despite their being no source for light, this room was the best lit by far. Shepard looks up towards where the ceiling lights should be. They were off. So were the floor lights. Strange.

"Shepard." Behind her!

She whirls around, elbow out first. All too ready to jab it into whoever was ballsy enough to sneak up on the Commander fucking Shepard!

Of course her elbow was stopped completely mid-air by a powerful grip. A five fingered capable of stopping her mid-attack grip. Of course she had suspicions. Then he goes and makes it a dead giveaway. "Siha."

There's that word again. The one she never got an answer to what it meant. Simply uttering it meant so much. So softly it was a cry for help. A pleading question. In return she resigns.

Thane loosens his grip on her as she lowers her elbow. As soon as her arm was back at her side, Thane's head falls against the back of her shoulder. At least it should've been his head. It didn't feel like him. Not as heavy, or as warm. Was he sick? "Thane why are you hiding in the dark?"

"Is the dark not where humans believe sinners should resign?" His voice was so serious, but the gravelly side of it was as calm as ever. What was he talking about?

"Thane you're not a s-" she cuts herself off. While she had never been the religious sort, Thane was. Is it really her place to say whether he is or isn't? Would it matter? With a sigh, Shepard leans her head back. It lands on the front of his shoulder. Silence fills the room. Her mind was anything but quiet. With a casual glance over the side of his face, she could tell his was the same. From the twitching of his mouth, to the way his eyes quickly dart from side to side. He was about to fall back into a memory. She was on the precipice of doing the same. How often had they held each other like this. Eyes untrained, his down recalling the past in a way she's so thankful she can't. Her towards the sky fretting over the future of not just herself but the lives of every single person under her command. Mordin was right. She really does imagine them all, even the dead. Was it really just a way to guilt herself, so she never feels truly at peace? Is that what Thane was doing to himself with the past?

Whether it's true or not doesn't change the way they silently hold each other with just their heads alone. With anyone else Shepard would worry about losing her balance. She would be ready to brace herself for a fall. Thane made sure she never had to worry though. He was always there, ready to catch her in any way possible. The perfect counter weight in this awkward lock of theirs.

Eventually the deadlock ends. It crumbles under her words. "You prayed for forgiveness. You received it."

"Then you believe people can change." It's a statement. A remark as simple as, 'you're eyes are green, or you're hair is red'. She does believe that, and she believes in him. Thane wasn't an unkind person. Not like herself. "Do you believe everyone deserves redemption?"

Everyone. Now that's a heavy question. Her instincts want her to say yes, but there are people she'll never be able to forgive. People she can not wish well on. Monsters who no matter how much time they have they may never change. Does that mean her answer is no?

"I believe that everyone deserves a shot at redemption." Whether they take it or not is their choice. Now if they take a chance, and fail well that's not always on the individuals. The world is too fast, and filled with problems to fault everyone entirely.

"Even yourself." There's the exception.

"Thane you redeemed yourself. At the end you did well with your life. From what I've heard you always tried to do well."

"That does not mean I was always successful, and neither were you Shepard. Does that mean we both do not deserve it?"

"Of course not. You-" catching herself, Shepard winces. There she goes proving him right again.

"Siha you carry so much, and you refuse to let anything go. But that grief, the guilt, it's motivating you to close the door on your own redemption." Anger burns away around her heart. Where does he get off telling her that? She has tried! She has tried again and again to do better, to redeem herself, to make sure no one dies!

He breaks their hold. With a tenderness that hints at something more, Thane pushes the two of them apart. He raises his head to meet her eyes. "But that's the thing Shepard. Everyone dies eventually. You can not control death anymore then I could control my own."

"I didn't come here to be lectured." She tries to pull her arms free. He holds on tightly, like he was drowning in an ocean and she was the raft. Oh fuck. Does she have a savior complex?

"And survivor's guilt." Thane adds as if he were commenting on the weather. So matter of factly. "You aren't the only one, of course."

Tears sting her eyes. "Is this the only reason why you lured me here?"

"No, Siha." There's his tenderness again. So gentle are his fingers as they wipe her eyes clean. His voice calming, steady. "I didn't lure you at all." Silently he rests his forehead against the beaten, bare knuckles of her hands. "You summoned me here. Just as you have summoned them."

Looking up, Shepard watches the doors to the main battery's room open up. The shades and lightheads line the walls outside. Slowly, but surely the shades faces disappear. They become shadows, just as their counter parts become pure light. "You're dreams are interesting dear," Thane slowly raises his head until his lips gently press against her knuckles now. He keeps them there. His warm lips, moving against her skin as he speaks. "But I do not think they are healthy for you."

The people outside the door begin to disappear. They vanish as Thane raises his head again. "The ones you have forgotten, and those you never will. Your mind loves to trudge up even the faintest parts of your past. I'm glad you don't have a drell's memory. I fear you would succumb to them entirely then."

"I'm stronger then that Thane." This was getting ridiculous. She needs to find Grunt. Garrus was waiting downstairs for her.

"We do not get to choose what weaknesses we have." Thane wisely explains. He releases her hands. They silently fall by her sides. Standing tall, eyes still focusing on the ground, Thane blinks. "Goodbye Siha."

"Thane?" He gracefully turns his back to her. His limbs as quiet as they were in the dead of night, when he would do his best to move around the quiet ship without waking any of the others. Shepard barely ever slept, even back then. Ethereally, he makes his way out of the main battery. Pausing briefly in the doorway, Thane offers one final, sad smile. Her heart speeds up. The pit of her stomach starts to churn. A sickening feeling, very nearly overwhelms her. "Thane!" Where was he going? What was happening? A shade takes his right hand, as one of the bright, light beings take his left. They lift his hands up, aiding him with his first steps out the door.

As soon as he clears the entrance, it's door slam shuts. Fear crawls along her spine. Every hair standing up, Shepard races for the door. Expecting it to open automatically her shoulder collides into the hard metal. Pain erupts. So acute, and sharp it was, that Shepard could nearly imagine her nerve system perfectly just from how it spreads. Shaking her head. Shepard squeezes her wounded shoulder once. Already focusing on the door itself. She takes in it's lack of emergency openings. She goes for her omni-tool but it's gone. Empty hands smack against the locked door.

Endlessly she knocks. Focusing all her energy on reaching Thane, her body slowly gives out in other ways. Painfully dry, red eyes stare at the unforgiving entrance. Weak willed legs, fall out from beneath her. Her body is lurched forward, leaning against the door as her fists pound away. Slow and steady, like a drum beat soldiers would follow into war.

The room was brighter then any of the others had been so far. In fact it only grew brighter in the face of Thane's absence. How cruel is the world, to shine on in even with one of the kindest souls she knows is gone. It had done the same when Alex-

Stomach lurching, Shepard opens her mouth, ready to hurl. Instead her eyes finally close. The dry heaving ends shortly after. Her callous fists, open up to become weak-willed smacks.

"Hello Shepard Commander."

The steady pattern breaks at the sudden appearance of a mechanized voice. Shepard pushes her hands against the door, trying to push it open. Slowly she turns to look towards the visitor. Her heart skips a beat. "Legion!"

"Shepard Commander." It repeats.

Scrambling to her feet, Shepard smiles. "Legion! Can you open the main battery's door?" She smacks her hand once more against the locked door.

"From here? Yes." So matter of factly. Good ole Legion. "Shepard Commander, why?" It's head tilts slightly.

Why? Did Legion not realized they were trapped, within, it? As her mind catches up with her eyes, Shepard's thoughts begin to slow. The room shifts, and in that formless moment Shepard has no idea where she's at. The main battery was gone. It wasn't until her mind slows down that she realizes they were now in Legion's room on the Normandy.

"It's," she stops, blinking away the tears. Since when had she been crying. "Thane."

"Krios. He's gone." It's words are so empty of emotion. Yet they ring against the bell of truth in her head. She knows Thane's gone. He's been gone for months now. Fucking Cerberus.

She slides her hands down the door, still unable to pull them away entirely. Her green eyes linger over the torn, red skin of her knuckles. It had felt so real. Traces of his lips hang around. Shepard can still picture perfectly the look of his bowed head. Her body still recalls the way his lips felt against her hands. Her memory has burned the image of his disappearing before her into the back of her eyelids.

Thane had been there. He'd been right here. Squeezing her fist shut, she pulls them back to her chest. The warmth of her body immediately causes them to tingle. She had never much liked the cold.

"Shepard Commander." Legion was above her now, and offering it's hand to her. "Your code is superior, but humans do not thrive in dark, cold rooms."

"Ah, thanks Legion." Hesitantly she takes his hand. Flexing her fingers, Shepard ignores the coldness, of it's metal outer layer. Legion was helping. She has to be careful with her reactions. It hasn't been long since he joined the crew.

Carefully it pulls her up. Legion's other hand grips her arm, steadying her as she stands. Her limbs ache. They cry out as if they haven't felt movement in weeks. "Humans need light, water, oxygen, and subsistence to survive. Your body readings suggest you have gone far too long without the recommended levels of those four things to be healthy. Shepard Commander, have you locked your body away somewhere? A box, or your room?" Legion's hand continues to hold onto hers. Even after she's standing on her own. Her fingers grow warm, despite the freezing metal they were clinging too.

"Admiration is deserved Shepard Commander."

"Admiration?" Her legs were still wobbly, but Legion holds her steady.

"Shepard Commander made a choice. Destroy reapers. It was the most logical conclusion. Most efficient. Finally deleting the threat that would erase all life. Shepard Commander achieved her goal. You won. Admiration has been earned."

"Your admiration?" Shepard asks raising an eyebrow. This was something the two of them had never talked about. The bit of her armor used to cover it's hole was something they would run around. Deftly dodging the topics that might push her to ask, or it to answer.

"We," it's voice drifts off. A consensus must be taking place. "already admired you." It wasn't the answer she expected, this confession. A small piece to the puzzle of the mystery of it's chest. "You are Shepard Commander. You have empathy, aim that is amazing by human standards, determination, and remorse. You defeated the heretics, you reunited the geth and quarian, and you defeated the reapers. You deserve admiration Shepard."

"I deserve criticism too. The batarians lost their homeworld due to me. Thessia fell due to my failures."

"Then don't forget them."

There it is. Shepard has never forgotten. She's never been allowed to forget. "I won't Legion. I can't."

"Organics make mistakes, they learn from them. They move on, but Shepard Commander you don't move on. You remain stuck mentally, emotionally, even when your physical body has moved it's location. When we returned from Mordin's mission, he grieved, he accepted what happened, and he moved to make the future better. You work to make the future better, you accept your failures, but you hang them around your neck. That wears down an organic body. It tears it down. You build walls around the past you uplift other people's futures, but what of your own, Shepard Commander?" With every word Legion lifts her higher. Shepard's legs grow stronger. As

"Thank you Legion." Her heart breaks as her back straightens. If only.

"Maybe now the creators will make more of us."

"What do you mean?" Her eyes narrow, head spinning to stare at Legion.

The light on it's head grows brighter. "We were useful to them at the end. We were helping them adapt back to their planet faster, and even aided in the defeat of the reaper inhabiting said planet. Maybe that will be enough to forgive our past mistakes, and convince the quarians to bring the geth back. To share Rannoch once more. Our homeworld."

That's right. Her choice. Destroying the reapers destroyed all their tech. It destroyed the geth. Legion is...."Maybe they will." But why would they have too? To speed up the process of reclaiming their planet. Would they accept the dangers that recreating the geth would bring?

Maybe. With Tali's help she could make an argument. "

To say Legion looks at her would be describing the very limit movement of a geth's head with her limited human vocabulary. They do not look at her. No, but their whole body lurches over, to lean against her own. Shoulder to, the metal equivalent of a shoulder. The light on Legion's head moves up, and Shepard mimics the move.

"I will miss Shepard Commander."

"I'll ask them to rebuild your kind." It's a sour promise. One without hope to fill it. The quarians would have finally gotten what they wanted. All that they wanted. Why would they bring them back now?

Legion starts to step away. Their arms move first, pull metal off of skin. Then their legs step apart, distancing them even more. Shepard was surprised by the sudden space. Couldn't the two of them remain here, contemplating? Not forever, but just a little longer. It's been so long since she's seen them. So long since-

"I'm sorry that I could not stay, Shepard Commander." Holding her hand still, Legion steps away, until they were right in front of her. Posed like they were about to go, Legion grasps her hand tightly. "Goodbye." The light in the room all shoots towards them at once. Each ray strikes Legion, before going out. Traveling as fast as light can, and yet Shepard's eyes catch them all. Every single individual beam. It was a miracle Legion wasn't glowing by the end. Instead their previously cold metal hand now felt like a hot metal iron enclosing her hand.

Crying out in pain, Shepard glares down at their hands. She wants to pull it free. Escaping the pain felt so important, but this was Legion. They may be a geth, but they would never, had never, hurt her. Never.

Shepard forces her eyes to go back up. Narrowing on the light of Legion's head, she fights back the urge to look away. The pain would pass. She just needs to hold on a little longer, or else it will be Thane all over again. Instead, biting her lip, Shepard fights past the pain. She pulls her other hand away from her side, and towards Legion. She stretches it out, attempting to grab onto Legion. They were so far away, and yet so close. When it becomes evident she would not reach them, she changes goals. Nothing stops an N7 from adapting. No one stops a spectre from achieving their goals entirely.

"Even such is Time, that takes in trust.

Our youth, our joys, our all we have,

And pays us but with Earth and dust."

That one line, a quote from some long dead poet. She can hear Ashley's voice chant the words. Earth, and dust. Earth and Dust. EARTH AND DUST! The words repeat in her mind, making some informal chant. Her heart was racing now. A feeling of inevitability fills her chest. This was it! Not again. Please, no-

Legion's body begins to break down. From the head down. Every part of them turns into earth and dust. Sand from an hourglass. Each speck representing a second of their life. Each molecule a bit of their body. The change was gradual and it takes their hand last. The hand that was scorching her skin, leaving it red and scarred, it holds on tightly, until the tiptop part of it's longest finger crumbles away.

As the final bits of Legion fall free from her hands, Shepard crumbles next to the pile that had once been them. She holds her hands over the remains. Both left and right, pulsate with pain. Her heart beat was in even the furthest reaches of her body, keeping it all together, forcing her to acknowledge the count of it's tireless work.

Shepard weeps into her red-stained hands. Heat had scarred them, but blood was the shade of red they retain.

"You can't stay here forever Shepard." A kindly, distantly familiar voice cuts through her overwhelming grief.

"The fact you became a spectre, and yet you won't move astounds me." An equally, distantly familiar voice. It dawns on her suddenly, that those dual-tone voices could only be them.

"Motherfucker!" Even with her hands, throbbing, and sore Shepard was ready to ball them up and throw one straight into his face.

Saren doesn't even try to dodge her throw. Nihlus, however, does catch it with his fist. "You're fast Shepard." Nihlus talks casually as if he were commenting on the weather. Deliberately he looks over her fist.

"Of course she is. If it wasn't for her instincts, and the speed of her ship she wouldn't have caught up to me." Nihlus twists his face back to look at Saren. He drops her hand. Shepard pulls her hand back, rubbing her raw knuckles as Nihlus fixates on Saren.

"I think she beat you because Anderson trained her." He haltingly walks around Saren. The older turian frowns. His mandible, securely clamps shut.

After a few tense moments of Nihlus circulating around Saren. The older, no longer mechanical turian. Finally he lets out a low, purr-like sound. Then coughs. "Her being trained by Anderson means nothing."

"Yes and I being trained by you meant nothing either." Every word was accompanied by a deadly edge. If Shepard could see the two so plainly she would assume Nihlus was holding a knife or gun to Saren's gut. "Remember this Shepard betrayal hurts most when it comes from the trusted."

Saren chokes back his words, standing taller as Nihlus stops behind him. "If you betray the people who have placed their trust," Quickly Nihlus kicks the back of Saren's legs. The terrified turian falls to his knees without issue. "in you that is a relationship shattered that may never be repaired." Saren raises his head to meet Shepard's gaze. A single shot rings out. Saren's body falls. Once again she's not the one to kill him. She's not even the one who can make him pay.

Blue blood is now smeared across the hallways walls. When did they get here? Shepard shakes her head. Nihlus wipes his gun clean.

"Don't betray your people Shepard. That makes it that much more likely that they won't betray you."

His words were haunting. His eyes are cold and empty. Compulsorily she stares at them, meeting his gaze. "Remember those words Shepard, and think." Nihlus drops his gun. "Who have you betrayed?"

Feet sweating, Shepard runs. Throwing her body away from the sight she loses her breath. Blood rushing, her toes curling, every ounce of her strength pushes her body forward. Why was she running? Has she ever betrayed anyone? Maybe the red suns but fuck them. Zaeed lost that one guy he wanted revenge on but they had to save the workers. Mordin did die, on a mission she was in charge of. That was his choice though! She cured the genophage just like she had promised. Everything she's done was to make this universe a better place to live. To be there for her friends and family.

Why is she petrified?

Shepard wasn't even sure which part of the Normandy she was in anymore. There had never been a hallway this long before. Ashley runs across her vision. Long hair in a tight bun as she passes through the hallway, disappearing into one of the closed doors. Risking a glance back, she completely misses the Kaidan stepping out of his room.

Unlike the first time they met, Shepard collides with Major Kaidan Alenko. Her face presses squarely against his chest. Nervous, strong hands catch under her armpits. "Careful now Shepard. You look like you've seen a ghost." Hadn't she? Shepard looks back, the only thing in the regular sized hallway now was Kasumi's room at the opposite end.

"Hey are you okay?" Sympathetically he checks her forehead. Compassionate, empathetic Alenko. He was always one to follow the code of conduct, except for in moments when someone may be hurt or injured. "You aren't hot, should we take you to Dr. Chakwas to get checked out."

Digging her fingers into Kaidan's biceps, Shepard shakes her head no. "I'm fine. I just need to sit down."

"Then it's a good thing I've got the comfiest couch on the Normandy here." Smiling she pushes herself off of him.

"I'll take you up on that offer, major." She claps his shoulder. Kaidan smiles warmly down at his feet.

"No need for that. Commander." He adds at the end.

Gingerly elbowing him, the two laugh. These moments when they weren't dancing around unsaid things were the best.

That's the thing with Kaidan though. Maybe it was just a thing with her. Whatever the case, the two of them never dance around those unsaid things forever. They always get blurted out. It was as reliable as Garrus making his shot, or Joker always having another joke. Even if some of them were straight ass. Just like the stick Garrus pulled out of his own.

If only this had been a laughing matter. No sooner was she recounting how she wishes she could change the past then Kaidan chimes in with;

"You make all those jokes but you wouldn't change a thing. Not like me. Not like Ash."

Of course she had to ask him to clarify. "What do you mean?"

"Come on Shepard. You know. I had a crush on you from the very beginning." The words come out so casually. Was it because he was comfortable, or because he no longer does?

Either way she proceeds the way she always does. Blunt and straightforward. "I know."

"Ashely got swept up into your storm just like I did too. She saw the way you cleared a battlefield without risking our lives, and leading the charge all on your own, and saw the same unstoppable force of nature I did."

Pulling her legs up to her chest, Shepard begs. "Kaidan let's not-"

"What? Talk about the dead. Shepard were all memories of yours. Ghosts of the people we used to be. Heh. I wonder how much of that is true back home too."

"I try not to think about it." Shepard leans forward, "but I guess I'll see when I wake up."

"Yeah. You will." Even here he doesn't doubt her. Where was this confidence back on Horizon? Well it was nice to have it back.

"You better not miss my birthday Shepard. If I have to celebrate one more without you or Ash I'm never going to forgive you. Two was enough." Shepard stands abruptly.

Approaching him she throws her hand out. "It's a deal Major."

"Major. Heh, I always liked how that sounded in my head. Still weird to hear you use it." A blush creeps into his cheeks.

"Well don't get a big head. You'll always be LT to me Alenko." Ashley declares as she wraps an arm around his shoulders.

"You joined us just in time!" Kaidan declares, suddenly holding up three cups. They were all filled to the brim even while resting precariously in his grasp. The women each take a glass and gayly the three soldiers cheer.

"To the commander!" Kaidan starts with.

"To another day done!" Ashely adds.

The two turn to stare at her. It was her turn, and yet she couldn't think of anything to celebrate. So far tonight she's been told she not only has a savior complex, but survivor's guilt, she's watched all her friends but Ash die again, was told to forgive her past self, but that her hands would always be stained red with the lives she's taken, and now she realizes two of her oldest friends had been in love with her. To whatever degrees they had been. It was all too much. Maybe that's why Shepard's heart harkens back to better days. To a night where the three of them drank like this, before Virmire. Indebtedly Shepard quotes her past self. "To the future and the many moments like this one!"

"Look back on time with kindly eyes. He doubtless did his best; how softly sinks his trembling sun in human nature's west." Ashley recites the words with a calm fondness. "Look back on time with kindly eyes, by Emily Dickinson."

Kaidan breaks free from his impressed stupor, and gingerly coughs into his hand. "Well since we're all tossing around some quotes." He takes a sip from his drink, while burrowing his eyebrows down in thought. Finally he sets his cup down and speaks. "Goodbye, my friend, goodbye." He starts, briefly opening one eye to glance at the two of them. Ashely was too busy stirring her drink to notice, but Shepard does. Her heart lurches with the start. Can they not swim in grief for one brief moment? Even the briefest of moments.

"My love, you are in my heart." He awkwardly folds his free hand over his heart. "It was preordained we should part, and be reunited by and by." Kaidan awkwardly waves his hand. Did he memorize the poem with all these little actions? Adorable.

"Goodbye. No handshake to endure." His hand stops waving and instead pushes them away with a gentle, stop. "Let's have no sadness, or furrowed brow." Too late, Shepard thinks smiling despite herself.

"There's nothing new in dying now. Though living is no newer." Kaidan opens his eyes. Long lashes, cut across reddish, sweet brown eyes. "That's from a Russian poet. Sergei Aleksandrovich Esenin was his name I think." Kaidan's brows furrow again with worry. "I hope I'm pronouncing that right."

"I'm sure you pronounced it fine LT." Ashley agrees playfully smacking the back of his shoulder.

Shepard sighs. Maybe the three of them together wasn't always fun. Maybe it drowns her in the kind of grief she's always pushed right past, but it was never lonely. She always felt as if she belonged among them. With them. Always the outsider that's never outside. Is that how Grunt and Garrus feel? A part of her hopes so, but another, more selfish part hopes not. It wants them to feel like family when they're with her.

Oh that's right. She hasn't seen Grunt yet. "Have either of you seen my son?" If either of them were surprised neither shows it.

"He's off towards the back of the ship."

"Thanks K."

"LT? K? I'm starting to think you two just don't like vowel sounds."

"You're getting closer!" Shepard and Ashley declare together entirely accidentally. The two share a grin. Kaidan exasperatedly sighs.

A knocking on the wall interrupts their playful fun. "Mind if I interrupt?" Anderson asks nonchalantly, knowing that none of them did. Of course Kaidan and Ashley jump into position upon seeing the captain. Shepard continues to sit, and smile. The room was brighter as he steps inside. He waves them away. "At ease everyone." He gestures casually to Shepard. "I'm only here for the Commander."

"Have you come to take me to the other side?" She meant it as a joke, but no one was laughing. This was the brightest moment of the dream yet. Was it her time to cross?

"Williams, Alenko, would you mind?" Of course the two were gone. Shepard had expected them to use the door, but they simply vanished. At least they hadn't left like Legion. "I see you realize what's happening once more." He was standing sideways now, watching the door, before looking back at her as if they had gone by. The couch in the middle of the room before, is now a bed against the wall. Shepard crawls back onto it. The view of space outside was still perfect. Even from the new spot.

"I keep remembering just to forget again." Frustrated she lets her head fall back against the wall. How many times has she had the same realization?

"That happens when someone is caught up in a dream." Anderson always to the point, but with words sweeter then most expect from a captain. He strolls across the room as if he wasn't an omen of death. Then again it's only fair. How many people had she brought to death's door? How many of her friends saw her face last? What is it for one omen to meet the other? A simple greeting between old friends. "Remember when we talked about if you wanted a family Shepard?"

She wishes she didn't, but there's no point in denying it. It was the last conversation they ever really had.

Anderson sits beside her. His back joins hers against the wall. They sit like that in tense silence. Shepard waiting for his next words. Anderson endlessly silent. It was almost peaceful, the two of them sitting together inside Kaidan's room. If only his final moments had been like that. Somewhere safe, warm, and homey. Anywhere but the Citadel that had made him miserable. Well maybe he hadn't always been sad there. He had gotten that apartment on it. The one for him and Kahlee.

"I always wanted kids-"

"But life has a funny habit of getting in the way." Shepard finishes. It was the same sentiment as last time. Though the words were a little different. Now she can picture it. The two of them sitting just like this, but he was on her other side. The citadel had never been an especially cold place, but then, in that moment, it was freezing. All she wanted to do was take a nap.

Anderson smiles at her like he had expected the response. "I was going somewhere with that Shepard."

"A place we've been before."

He sighs, a sign of concession. "We have." He's never felt so real to her before.

"Anderson."

"Yes, commander?" The way he smiles at her, like he could never be disappointed, it's a look that sticks to her.

"I never had parents, but you were a pretty decent father figure to me." It's more of a chuckle this time.

"One day you will make a great mom Shepard. You've got the natural instincts." He pulls her closer, this time in a one arm hug. He tucks her head under his chin the way she used to hold Alex close.

"I already am." She barely whispers the words. For so long she had been jokingly calling him her son, but in truth it wasn't a joke. It hadn't been since the beginning. She had only played it off as such because she wasn't sure if Grunt had wanted someone like her for a mother. Personally she had always feared no child ever would.

After all she has done some terrible things.

"Then I guess I gotta train your kid too." His smile melts into a melancholic glaze. "Well I guess you'll have too. Make sure to teach them my moves."

"Of course sir. He's a krogan though. Not sure if he'll be able to pull them all off."

"Hah!" He lets rip the loudest laugh she's ever heard from him. "Then I know he's proud to have you as a mother Shepard."

"I'm not so sure." She pushes herself against Anderson's chest and looks down on the ground. Never has she felt so young and old before. Like a fragile child, and woman on death's door.

She's always been there though. Always a breath away from it all being over. It's never felt so close before.

"If I had died on the Normandy, I would have felt comfortable, but nothing could beat the sight from the citadel." He casually remarks. "So don't feel bad for me Shepard. Go get your son."

Go she did.

When she finds him he's hanging out in Thane's room. His eyes stare down at the Vega and Kaidan's training session. She joins him, and just in time too. Kaidan manages to block Vega's kick towards the side of his head with a bionic shield. They may not be Kaidan's specialty, but at leas the was getting creative. The two were really going at it.

"Don't you want to join the party?" She crosses her arms, and throws her head back towards the door. "One quick walk and we could be in there with them. Throwing punches, dodging bionic fields." Shepard smirks. "The two of us versus them. We'd be unstoppable."

"I'm already unstoppable." His tone was low, and his words short. Grunt is angry. Why?

"So you're saying you don't want to train, or join in the fight?" Eyebrows raising, Shepard leans forward to better watch his face.

"Nope." Grunt crosses his arms.

Well that proves it. Somethings wrong. Throwing her arms down Shepard closes her eyes. Why was this room so bright? "Sit down."

"What?"

His glare may scare everyone else, but she knows better. She's seen him fight, has trained him. She's taken down krogan twice his size, and some that were four times as fast. Grunt was a danger, but Grunt is no Wrex. If he brought this to a fight in here, she could win.

Fixing him with a stare, the smaller krogan starts to shrink. His eyes grow larger. The right one even starts to twitch. Whatever this staring contest was supposed to do it was failing. Eventually Grunt concedes. Hobbling over to the chair, he plops down into it. Shepard throws away her smile. Winning all the time, is only fun for so long. Besides, Grunt is upset. Something was wrong.

So the two sit down, and talk it out. It was quite the impressive discussion as well. It went on for hours they discussed everything under the sun. Including the Earth's sun. He seemed to really be confused by how ice could exist on Earth when it's as hot as Tuchunka's sun. Which required them to get into Tuchunka and Earth history, and that was not something she knew.

In the end after hours of talking, and even more extranet surfing, Grunt's curiosity was sated. Shepard can feel the years returning to her life as she leans back in her chair. How many times has she had long-winded, philosophical debates with Thane here, in these chairs? Now she was teaching Grunt in them. How times change.

"This was nice." So even Grunt could tell. It was strange for him to be so forward with it, but maybe he's growing up too.

"Yeah. I feel like we needed that." Yeah. Rolling around in guilt helps nothing. They've talked now at least.

"Too bad."

Her eyebrow raises again. Of course he had a loop to throw them in. "What's that Grunt?"

"I said too bad."

Yes but what about clarification? Could he not tell, that that's what she meant? "Why?"

"Because we'll never have this conversation Shepard. Not with the way you're talking." Ghosts dance through the peripherals of her vision. Swaying back and forth. Pairs of their arms meeting ever so briefly to form hour glasses, before they break apart again. Shepard tries to focus on them, but they move with her vision. Nothing would allow her some distraction from Grunt's words.

"I'm going to wake up." She's not entirely positive about that. Still it's worth attempting a lie at least. Parents do that all the time right? It's fine if it's to ease a child's fears, but Grunt he's physically grown. Mentally can he still buy into such hesitate answers?

"Are you?" Grunt balls his hands up into fists. "You've been asleep for a long time Shepard. How long should we all wait before we give up?"

Reaching across the desk, Shepard tries to rests her hand on top of his fist. "Grunt I'm going to-"

Pull his hand back Grunt growls. "Then why haven't you already?" That accusatory tone shatters her heart. Their blissful moment was gone. Nothing was fixed. Shepard pulls her hands back.

"I-I don't know." This is just a dream.

Grunt hangs his head. His watery blue eyes hide themselves from her gaze. The bright room seems to only highlight his tragic expression. "I don't think you want too." That was it. The final stone that breaks her crystal cage.

How could he think that? Of course she wants too. Life is better then this endless, inescapable dream scape. Reliving all her past traumas, meeting all her old friends, talking to her dead again.... Okay. She can see how he could think that. Perhaps she hasn't been taking this seriously enough. Fuck.

"I'm going to wake up Grunt, and then when I do," closing her eyes Shepard smiles. Already she could picture her life. Right now her body was probably laying in a hospital somewhere. Wrex most likely left some krogan to guard her. They'd be there just as much to scare visitors off as they would be to stop assassins. Hackett allowed them to stay despite the hospital being a high priority alliance ran operation. Garrus is asleep in a human armchair. His body rigidly uncomfortable as he drifts in and out. No one could keep him out. When she opens her eyes he'll jump. That fabled turian flexibility will be on show from the way his body moves to reach her. Huddled over, into a launch. Then -

"Shepard!" Wait, that was Garrus' voice. "Grunt, it's Shepard!" Of course. Shepard attempts to let out a laugh, but a soft cackling comes out instead. Her voice raw, and scratchy from disuse. Suddenly Shepard could feel her body being lifted up from the bed, tubes, wires, and all. Coughing, instead of laughing she relaxes. Her head lolls to the side, resting gently against someone's chest plate. Her body was too tired to tell whose it was. Yet her ears still recognizes Kaidan's soft voice.

"Garrus, Grunt! Put the Commander back down!" Two sets of arms lower her. Shepard hadn't even noticed she had been held on both sides. Finally she forces her eyes to open up, just a smidge. There they were. Garrus on her left, his arms reaching out over her now. Even in this moment he's her shield. Smiling, she catches sight of Grunt on her right. He's taller now, with plates that still aren't fully formed. Growing, but not grown.

"I hope you three aren't conspiring to put Shepard back into her coma." Shepard's chest eases. Liara.

"Come on Liara, lighten up. Shepard just woke up! This is a time to celebrate." Tali's voice was brimming with excitement. Bubbly even now. Shepard wishes she could bring her in for a hug. "Who's going to call Wrex?"

"I'll have EDI do it." Joker calls out from somewhere outside of her vision.

"Guys?" Even through her barely open eyes, Shepard could feel all of their gazes on her. The one face Shepard could really see, was Garrus'. His blue eyes were so calming, even when they betrayed his inner worry. What was he so afraid of? She was here, and finally awake. Grabbing Garrus' hand, Shepard squeezes it. Her fingers barely tighten around him. Now she's back, and she'll never leave him again. Not till the end of her days. Fighting back the urge to pull Garrus closer, Shepard smiles. Closing her eyes, she lifts her head. "I'm home."

Life was busy for a time after that. Despite all their best efforts to live peacefully, Shepard was always being called on. When Liara finally stepped in, acting as Shepard's personal assistant and guard of her time, the tasks shrunk. Calls came less often. Slowly but steady was the decline in event invitations too. Eventually Shepard was utterly and wholly free. It nearly drove her crazy. Thankfully the Normandy crew knew it would. Almost as if they planned it, every week she had at least one of them visiting her little isolated home on some backwater planet out nowhere. At first she thought Garrus had been in on it. When his faces were always consistently a mask of surprise, she changed her mind. Either he really did have no idea, or he had gotten better at hiding his expressions from her as she slept. Shepard prefers the first thought.

Even with their friends keeping them company, there were no shortage of peaceful, quiet moments. Life was bliss in a way Shepard had never expected. Though the best moments were those when Grunt would come to visit. Every month they could count on him stopping by. Sometimes for a week or two, other times just a few brief moments. He always asked the same questions. How were they? Has anyone bothered them? Was there food?

When it came to talks of adoption, Garrus was the one to bring it up first. Somethings never change. Shepard had never met an alien with baby fever before. Even Wrex hadn't been as motivated by the idea of being a father, as he was by the act of saving his species from extinction. With Garrus he was so on point with every aspect of the process. Despite his work with Palaven's military he was the first to finish all the paper work. It made Shepard wander if his title really was just a fancy adage. A 'reaper expert' probably doesn't carry the weight that it used to. Not when most of the reaper tech has been almost entirely disassembled by now. Honestly Tali was the leading expert in Reapers nowadays. She and a large taskforce of quarians, asari, salarians, and some humans were leading the research into their old enemies now. Meanwhile Garrus was rarely called on nowadays for anything more then a meeting here and there. He explained their weaknesses in battle. Talked about how some of their lesser seen weapons had worked. Handled the talking for news reports and the such. It was nice, not being in the spotlight for once.

Shepard could sit back and relax. A gift Garrus allowed her to keep as he handled the various forms of paperwork from different planets. Of course just because he tried to finish everything himself, doesn't mean she didn't find ways to do her part. She appreciated the down time, but if they were going to add more to their family then it wouldn't be all left up him. She set up the in person meetings, with the social workers, and later on the kids. Having been an orphan herself, she made sure they always brought gifts. Some of the orphanages were less willing to accept them then others, but they were never turned down entirely. It's difficult to turn down gifts from two war heroes who names were some of the most well known in the universe now.

In the end they decided to adopt a trio of siblings first. The asari in charge of the process was nervous at first since this it was their first time adopting. However, when Shepard explained she already had one child, a krogan known as Urdnot Grunt. The asari was a little less nervous. When you're first time as a parent is too a giant krogan, well, old minds can be convinced by older prejudices that you've already seen the worse of it.

Still she knew it wouldn't be easy. First off the siblings weren't all of the same species. The eldest was an asari child, named Thea, with soft purplish skin. She will still be underage by asari standards when finally Shepard dies. They had the body a toddler and was fourteen years old. Since asari became of age at around a hundred years, Shepard figured they basically aged almost 1 year for every five human years. Which means asari are often adopted by their own kind instead, but her younger half-sister, Dora, insisted on staying with her. The pair shared their their soft, oval brown eyes. They came from their same human mother. A mother who was lost in the reapers war. The youngest was a four year old turian boy named Galerius. Their parents had been peers within the same unit. A small task force left with guarding the mines on a lost colony post near the terminus systems. They survived the outslaught of Geth scouts together. According to Dora's psychological background she still has nightmares of the nights she had to carry Thea past the piles of bodies. Galerius had been their neighbor back then. When she found him, he was slightly wounded, and would barely speak. Dora got the three of them onto a ship evacuating the planet. She kept them together through the Citadel disaster, and into the orphanage they were shipped off too on an asari colony. Of course the poor kid would have nightmares.

Galerius' paperwork made it clear that he still rarely speaks. Thea was likely young enough that she'll be able to forget the worse of the past. There was no obvious trauma on her part, but who knows what might develop as she grows up. With kids that young it's difficult to tell how their bodies actually react. Shepard made sure to have three individual rooms set up for them, but she wouldn't be surprised if for the first few nights they insisted on sharing one. People who've been through that kind of trauma together, tend to grow co-dependent. Which isn't much of a problem with children as long as it doesn't become too extreme. Alex used to sit up, rocking in their bed, when Shepard wasn't there to lay beside them. Would it be the same for them?

When the kids arrived, it was for a test period of two months. Every week a case worker would come by and check up on them before leaving for next time. It was their sixth time meeting the kiddos. Which wasn't many honestly. She had expected there to be more before the test run started. After all they would be living with them. Is it normal to feel odd about living with a group of kids you've only meant a handful of times before now.

They kept their family and friends away until the test run was done. During that time Shepard and Garrus quickly found out that Dora's nightmares were actually closer to terrors. She had guessed right about Thea being unable to sleep unless Dora was with her. Which seemed to do nothing to keep Dora's screams down. More then once they've had to wake her up from the worst of them. After the first time they called the case worker to see if they were allowed to schedule her with a child psychologist. It felt like a more extreme issue then for a regular therapist. They were given permission as soon as the two months were up, and they passed the final examination. It felt late to address the issue. Garrus was quick to remind her, "Late is better then never."

Most nights Galerius was able to sleep in his own bedroom rather easily. Though he was just as likely to end up in Dora's by the end of the night. Garrus once said he saw the four year old, holding Dora up, letting her sip water from a plastic cup. He said no words as he set the cup down and tucked her back into bed. How long had they been taking care of each other like that?

When the three were awake things were calm. Calm in a way that Shepard promised Garrus, was weird for human children. Apparently it was common for turian kids to get hyper-focused on one thing at a time. Often falling silent as they go about their discoveries. A trait that was evident in Galerius. He took to the coloring books with an intensity that Shepard had never seen anyone use for those toys before. Dora on the other hand was always slow to move. Her eyes drag around the room, like she was half expecting it to disappear at any given moment. Perhaps she did. Thea on the other hand was a very happy toddler. Barely able to walk ten feet without falling, the young asari found herself laughing at everything. All in all they had some interesting kids.

"Well Shepard no one has ever accused us of being typical." Garrus jokes as if reading her mind. He slides a can of human soda down the bar her way. Catching it at the end, Shepard leans back as she chugs her drink. Yeah. When had they ever been typical?

Grunt is the first one to visit. He's also the one who stays longest. Thankfully the kids aren't really scared of him. Dora was extra protective of the young Thea whenever their big krogan brother stops by. Often picking the asari up and moving her away. She always went running back to Grunt. He'd pick her up awkwardly before bouncing her on a knee. Galerius enjoys his stays as well. For someone who was supposedly too grown up to play around, Grunt was always willing to color with the young turian. Even Dora, who was always so diligent, could find herself relaxing in his hands. The first time she had fallen asleep against Grunt during movie night, Garrus jumped on the chance to take a photo. They worried it would be the first and last time. Thankfully it wasn't, and the amazement soon wore off.

When Wrex comes he's immediately vying for the favorite uncle position. His competition was Joker, who declared his comedy alone made him the better uncle. Javik is the first one they have to take his guns away from. Which was surprising. Shepard honestly thought it would be Zaeed. Tali comes by when she can. Always a new gadget in hand. Each of the kids had a different favorite aunt, but Tali was Dora's by far. Liara was their second most common guest. She would offer advice on what to expect from Thea. What stages of her life will they see and need to be ready for, bits and pieces of fun asari trivia and the like.

Their house really becomes the life of the party when it's the anniversary of the reaper's defeat. That one day a year, everyone comes to town. Jack is still teaching her kids. Miranda has moved in with her, offering help with writing out plans, and making slides. She swears her own skills don't lie in communication. Let alone with children. Jacob is there too, with his own son and wife. Their child gets along with with Dora. In fact when Dora tackles young Taylor is a tight hug, Shepard sees Alex instead. It's the briefest of moments that is gone with a blink. She goes back to drinking. Everyone finds some place to settle down for the night. Vega inexplicably in her closest, while Tali shares the bed with her and Garrus.

The next morning they all eat a brunch together. Then say their goodbyes.

Next year is just as fun.

So is the year after that.

On and on the cycle goes. Each year better then the last. In fact they follow each other so quickly, it's hard to differentiate them. She was living life as if every anniversary was followed directly by the next, their big, extended family never apart for long. That was the best part. The fact that they were all together.

Of course that doesn't last forever. Everyone dies. This is a fact Shepard knows well.

Zaeed goes first of course. No big surprise there. One by one the others follow. Until in the end it's her, Garrus, a still young Liara, and a completely unchanged Javik. Thankfully Grunt was able to move in with them when they needed the extra help around the house. Her legs go first. Grunt carries her around. Garrus is the first to start sleeping in a chair in the living room. Of course she follows his lead soon after.

Shepard has never felt so weak in her life. Her knees quake with just a little bit of weight. Having to use a stroller felt insulting, but her legs just couldn't go on, alone anymore. Garrus wasn't much better off. As she rolls her head against the back of her large, comfortable chair she sees him nodding off to sleep again. His hand outstretched over the arms of his and her pair of comforter chairs. Palm open, waiting for hers. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. When they had been moved to comforter chairs to rest in, instead of the bed, Garrus had hated it. He thought it was a sign he was growing too weak. Started to try and train again after that. When his fingers became to weak to pull the already modified triggers, depression had befell him. It was hard to get him to eat after that. What's a sniper who can't even pull a trigger? That was the question that haunts her every time he closes his eyes. It marks the final trickles of sand in the hour glass.

By her side, holding a hand she remembers losing feeling in years ago, is Grunt. What a loyal son, for him to be here in their final moments. Her mind wanders off and she wonders where the other three are. Thea still lived them with right?

"Grunt, Grunt where is your sister?"

"She moved in with Dora. Don't you remember?" That's right she did. How long ago had that been?

Garrus' talons rake across her fingers one last time. As the last dull edge falls over the edge of the top of her hand, she knows he's gone. Eyes filled with tears she looks back towards Grunt. Why was life so unfair? Why did everyone go before her? At least Grunt wouldn't. She had made sure of that. That was why she had sacrificed his team. Why she had forced him to leave her in the moments when she was hunted down, and left with few choices. Grunt wraps his hands around her one. Raising it to his forehead, Grunt shakes his head.

"This is bullshit Shepard."

"I can't help it Grunt." And indeed she can't. Her body was growing weaker. Strength was being sapped away by every word. Soon she would move no more. An empty black abyss awaits her. It has always awaited her. That's why shadows were always there, tip toeing around her, yet never accepting Shepard's presence within them. Covering up all the red blood stains that decorate her life. For a moment her living room looks like the Normandy.

"Bullshit." He mutters, again and again. Even now he's so angry. When she was younger Shepard had hoped he would grow out of that. Sadly it was ever present. Will it consume him when she too is gone?

"This isn't right and you know it." She does but her eyes are so heavy now. "We never got to talk! What about that Shepard?" He was screaming now. His voice choked by hesitant sobs. What? They had talked. All those years ago, back on the Normandy. When she was going to wake up. "You were supposed to wake up!"

Oh.

Grunt shakes her hand, and for the first time in years she can feel with it again. Had it really been years though? Had that time when she opened her eyes was her actually waking up?

Forcing her mind back she can't remember how they got to these chairs. Even the location of the planet where their house resides, slips her mind. What did her children look like? Only haunting brown eyes come to mind. Had it all been a dream? Her children, this life with Garrus, that talk with Grunt! One final sob wracks her chest. Darkness overwhelms her, pulling her eyes shut. It had all been a dream! "What about me?" Grunt voice follows her down the dark rabbit hole like it had followed her all throughout this journey. Maybe none of it had been real, but it could be. If she can just wake up she could find him. Her body grows weightless as her mind falls.

In one sudden push all her weight comes falling back to her. An awareness she hasn't felt in months grows in her fingers, and toes. For what she hopes is the final time, Shepard tries to open her eyes. This time the room is warm. Sleep sand is all around her eyes, not just the corners. It flakes around like dust, filling her gaze, and hazy the room. Someone is in the room with her. She can hear them moving around across what sounds like a dusty floor. Could be covered in rubble and debris. Dust, dirt, and who fucking knows what else is probably all over the floor.

Her arms feel numb. She can barely move her fingers without them prickling. Still she needs to be up. If she was laying in a bed, then someone has moved her. They could be dangerous. Her pistol! The familiar weight that was always on her side was gone. Where was her pistol? Yet her whole body doesn't feel lighter, just her arms and head. So she was wearing armor. Whoever it was left her covered. At least there's that. Plastic runs down her leg from, oh. Oh she must've been out for a while. If they needed a tube to handle her waste. It was time to sit up.

"-e careful!" An unfamiliar voice hisses. Someone shouts her name. Shepard continues to try and push herself into a sitting position. Heavy feet slam across the floor. The all too familiar sound of a krogan charging across the room, puts her back on edge. Shepard continues to try and push herself up, refusing to show weakness to any krogan. That was basically asking for death. Shepard's right elbow gives out as the krogan's charge stops.

Solid, shaky hands press themselves against her back. Carefully, as if afraid to apply any pressure to her at all. Who would be so careful? There's three fingers in her back. Not human. The fingers weren't bony, or thin enough to be a turian's. So they aren't Garrus. Damn. They were fleshy like a salarian's but larger. Warmer too, at least on the out layer of skin. Krogan? There had been a krogan charging just a moment ago. Some nurse in training nervous about their first day? Could be a random soldier grabbed off the field. From how gentle they were being, maybe they thought humans were extremely fragile.

Remembering the fact that she has needles in her arm and a waste pouch attached to her body, causes her to sigh. The hands shake a little more. Maybe she was just that fragile. Hadn't the krogan charge from earlier been slower then normal. That's right it was more of an amble stomping then an actual charge. Hopefully these were all signs she was safe. Even if her dreams had claimed she was, it would be better if she could see.

Once more attempting to open them, Shepard finds the sand had been broken enough to actually allow her pupils to catch light. Silver, and orange blend in her vision. Blinking furiously she discards the rest of the crusty sand. Partially melded krogan head plates fill the top half of her vision. This krogan was holding her closely. There's only two who would dare. Quickly Shepard looks down and sees the rest of her son's face. His watery blue eyes. Had she ended up in another dream? She continues to blink, trying to focus her vision.

Before she can finish taking him in, Wrex is there too. He gently pushes Grunt's head down, tapping it against her own. Nothing like a krogan welcome back. She can't stop her smile from growing. Even as the tears escape from his eyes. If only she were strong enough to pull him closer, to hug him tighter, but her arms were little more then noodles. Thankfully he didn't seem too hungry. Her eyes glaze over the window beyond Grunt. This wasn't the Normandy. She wasn't home.

Grunt and Wrex were kind as she readjusts to being awake. One of them was always with her, even when they both had other matters to attend too. Grunt would, well grunt, and ignore her less then subtle attempts to chase him out of the room. Wrex, well he was the leader of a whole planet now. He couldn't ignore everything, but stopped by whenever he had a chance.

Apparently everyone else was still searching for her. Some to reward, others to condemn. Even when she was comatose the politics continue on.

She's alive at least. Tuchunka was so very, very warm, and bright, but the long shadows over her orange, and brown room weren't as comforting as they had once been.

Today the shadows are extra long. They reach the end of her bed, and she can't help the worries multiplying within her head. If a light at the end of a tunnel doesn't signify the end, maybe it's the shadows along the tunnel's walls. Where was the Normandy? Despite her fears, Shepard says nothing. Even as the shadows creep over Grunt's sleeping body at the end of her bed. No point in bothering everyone else. Especially when Grunt barely sleeps as is. No. Her worries will stay her own.

For two months Shepard grapples with her thoughts alone. An internalized version of herself always fighting to get out. She knows that version well. As long as she keeps her mind focused, and her body busy, they'll never escape. Even with sleep evading her most days.

There was only one question in her mind that steeled her enough to fight back her inner doubts. Where was the Normandy?

Nothing like a great mystery, and a galaxy to explore.

Chapter Text

Wrex watches with a tempered smile as Shepard rises out of her bed without help. Nearly a year ago now he had been thrown into a destroyed human dwelling from the final strike against the reapers. A month and a half it took for her to finally be able to rise. Another month before she could stand without aid. Shepard was a strong woman. She has always been strong, but this was different. It wasn't physical strength that Shepard needed to fall back on, but emotional. A point of weakness for the krogan. If Orrin had brought this up before then he would have laughed off her worries. Shepard is barely human. Even when she was laid out in her bed, skin practically falling off the mechanical enhancements Cerberus threw into her body to hold it together.

Her right cheek still sags a little too much for it to be comfortable. Grunt stares at the dim grey scars on her shoulder. They should be red and irritated flesh beneath, but even with stitches the metal is clear as the Tuchunka sand on the window sill. It's disguised but not gone. Grief acts much the same way.

"Perhaps it's for the best that Commander Shepard hasn't been found. While yes she helped stopped the reapers she single handedly nearly destroyed the entirety of the batarion people and their culture in the name of defeating them...."

Wrex shuts the galactic news off.

"Ungrateful pyjacks."

Grunt timidly peels oranges from his chair beside Shepard's bed. His eyes flick back and forth between the food in his hands and Shepard's rickety form. He's still nervous. Shepard had come back from the brink of death three times in her coma, and the kid is still scared. Wrex shakes his head, careful not to let Grunt see. The kid will eventually grow past this. Hopefully he doesn't smother Shepard by then.

With a sallow face Shepard smiles at him. With a wave of her hand, she freezes the kid. "Grunt I'll eat in a bit." Sharp green eyes brighten as they land on him again. Humans, they're so easy to read. Wrex turns towards the window. The ground tremors delicately as Grunt stands. Wrex's keen senses pick up on the wet ends of Grunt's mouth. They open and close only to be met with silence. No point in arguing. He couldn't beat Wrex, and he'll never win against Shepard.

Finally the young warrior cedes. Once again Wrex can feel the glaring in the back on his head. Any other time his hands would've drifted down to his shotgun. This was Grunt though. Wrex has beaten him not once, but twice. A third would just be embarrassing for both of them.

"Stop worrying. It's just a chat." Shepard's voice grows tense.

"Fine."

If the stomps were a sign they were a stubborn one. A final failed attempt to garner attention. He's too big to throw a fit like this. Maybe he let him get away with too much while they were waiting to see if Shepard would heal. She has now. This behavior will get ridiculous if it continues for too long. "Orrin will you join him?" There's that gentleness. Would she sound the same if she were angry? By now she must be exhausted. At the very least exhausted.

Wrex chuckles as Orrin closes the door behind her. How was he going to do it? With the genophage done he was going to be the father of many kids. Some of whom will join his clan one day, and some won't. Unlike humans krogan fathers don't really get to have a hand in the raising. When there were so few of them, the mothers were fiercely protective. Now that there will be so many will that change too? There's going to be a shift in the culture. Will he be ready for that tide? A short burst of dry Tuchunka air pushes against his face. Flakes of crusty sand rub across his hands on the window sill. He'll either have to ride that tide, or drown in it.

A calloused hand rests on top of his own. For the first time in decades the skin of another rests casually against his own. The war is over. Their constant fighting done with the outside world. For now at least. When they get all their big ships working again the fights we reignite.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you have some Asari in you Shepard. Aleena herself would have struggled surviving what you have." She squeezes his hand. He returns the gesture.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to break my fingers just then." Exaggerating, she pulls her hand away, cradling it. "Ow." Her pained expression can barely hide that cheeky smile.

"You're fine Shepard." His insistence is joined by a short laugh from her. Go ahead and keep laughing. Laugh forever if you can. Just keep on laughing, because it means your still alive Shepard. The words almost spill out as the scars start to feel more prominent. He tries not to look at the cut on her right shoulder. Red eyes barely tear themselves away from the grey metal showing up along her lower neck. "Aren't you?"

There's the question. Despite all the mental reassurances he's still unsure how well Shepard is in reality. Orrin said a coma like that, it can cause more problems then just muscle deterioration. Even recovering from that has taken her weeks. Those same legs that had carried her through countless battles. Weak human or not, Shepard had never been fragile. At least not physically. The closest he's ever seen her get to losing it was when she was facing down the Cerberus scientist that had a hand in killing everyone on her old team. Even then she didn't hesitate. He had encouraged her to do what she felt was best back then. Don't let that asshole try and tell her what really happened. She had been there. She watched them die. It was a burden only she carried. Yet she still chose to let the law handle things. The dead are dead. There's no saving them, so had she done it to save herself, Boone, or the scientist?

Pain breaks through her smile. The forced façade shatters into pieces. Standing here and now was painful for her. Wrex can tell now. "I'm fine Wrex." Her smile grows a little sadder. The corners of her mouth falling ever so slightly out of their practiced places.

"I thought I told you before, you shouldn't lie to my face Shepard." This was supposed to be a safe place where she could feel at home. Why was she still trying to hide the pain. The kid's not even here!

"Trust me Wrex. I'm not." Then why does it feel like a lie. "But I'm curious about when you got so good at it?" She leans against the window sill. Head slightly hanging out it, as she faces away from him.

"When you have over three hundred years under your belt, you pick up a trick or two. Want me to teach you how to fool a lie detector test next?" Almost sliding over, Wrex stops himself. Then forces his body to lean in the opposite direction.

"No, but I'm more then interested in how you can lie to an admiral like that." Her green eyes snap back to him. Head cocked at an angle as she barely tilts it back inside. "He's not going to forget that."

"Why would he ever need to know?" Stay here. Sharp teeth cut into his tongue. The quick act an attempt to silence himself. This place was safe. Tuchunka could protect her for the rest of her life. The only reason why anyone would ever find out the truth is if she leaves.

"That's fair." Conversation cut short, Wrex is left once again to his worries. "They're right. I did, and I wasn't even tried because the reapers still got here only six months after. It wasn't much of a delay." Pulling her knees up to her chest, Shepard goes silent. He's worked with her enough to know what she's thinking. She's crunching numbers in her heads. Lives. The losses the remaining. Was it worth it? If Garrus was here he would tell her that it wasn't her fault. That she didn't have any choice after being knocked out for two days.

They would be empty platitudes coming from him. It wasn't all that long ago that the Turians and Salarians had done something as devastating to his own people. If anyone understood what all the Batarians had just lost it was the krogans. Shepard needed to carry this guilt. It's better then her dismissing it. "Own up to it then."

She looks at him with a half hearted smile as if she hadn't expected that but wasn't really surprised by his response anyways. "I thought I was by turning myself over to the Alliance. Nothing so simple could fix such a devastating loss though."

Wrex crosses his arms and leans back against the wall. "Then keep owning up to it. Keep trying to do better and help. The Turians and Salarians both ignored the genophage. They argued for years it was necessary. Are still arguing that it's necessary to bring it back now that the wars done." A fire fills Shepard's eyes as she glares at him. He knows who her anger was really targeted at. It was funny. She could switch from moping and guilty to a righteous fury nearly as fast as a krogan. Damn nearly.

"Don't worry. Mordin's nephew has reached out to us. Secretly to promise his support to counter any new measures the Salarians may take."

Her dagger eyes melt away into soft, relived green pools. "Really? That's good." Shepard looks away. Back towards the window she's spent so much time staring out of these days. Not all of her efforts have been for nothing. He would argue they all meant something. Everything she had ever done led to the defeat of the reapers. The galaxy was safe thanks to Commander Shepard.

"Tuchunka will always provide you with shelter." A human saying he's heard a lot is that home is where the heart is. When you have two hearts and no one to rely on, then you have no home. Maybe that's why the saying has always felt bitter. It's never felt this sad before.

"Tuchunka hates everyone but Kalros."

"And she didn't eat you!" He adds with a playful slap to her back.

"Not from lack of trying." Shepard adds with a smirk.

"Who hasn't?" It's a soft admission. Back when he had pulled that gun he was uncertain. Every instinct of his body shouted to shoot, but his brain fought for something different. Listen. His hearts had agreed. Shepard did everything for her people, and if helping him recover his family armor hadn't proved he was one of her people the way she refused to shoot even when holding his head at gun point did. Taking him to the labs on Virmire proved her correct. Those tools weren't krogan. Not like himself, and especially not like Grunt. Thankfully he hadn't pulled that trigger.

She offers him a soft smile and a wink. The expression so carelessly free, but filled with purposeful all at once. Arms wide open and endlessly welcoming. Of course he hugs her. This time he doesn't pick her up and spin her like usual. No. It would be reckless to risk setting her recovery back so he leans down to hug her gently instead. Forgiveness envelops him. It warms his body faster then a day out in the sun could ever. Never has her hold felt so loose before. Thin, unrecognizably weak, and so foreign around his neck. How could she even think about leaving when she's still so hurt?

With great effort, Wrex pulls back first. "So what's next Shepard?"

"I don't know. I've been thinking about it but Wrex," they share a look. This was it.

"You want to leave." It wasn't a question. He knew she did. Once more he has to fight back against his anger. Yes she would be alone out there, but it's what she wanted. Besides he knew she wouldn't be staying on Tuchunka forever. Her frail human body needed this separate sterile room just to breathe the air without dying from radiation. Leaving was best for her. Even if he didn't want to let her go. Here she would be regarded as a hero. A respected warrior worthy of being remembered alongside the greatest of krogans. Out there she would be a fish swimming in the dark abyss that was the universe.

"I don't belong here Wrex."

"If you go back to Earth they'll eat you alive."

She chuckles. "That is what politics are for." Her smile disappears only to be replaced by a somber, bitter expression. The small change was enough to sober him up. "I don't think I belong on Earth anymore either." Her eyes gently flutter shut. "I want to know where the rest of our team is. Where the Normandy and the others are at." She was visioning them now.

Wrex clicks his tongue. Sad eyes drift back out the window. "You won't find them here."

"I know. So I guess I'm just going to have to go out there." She's looking up at the stars with an old smile. It's the same smile he saw on humans looking to travel in the stars after the end of the first contact war. Out there will always be her goal. Home to her was where she can soar and be helpful.

So that was her goal. "There's been a galaxy wide search. No one's found the Normandy yet." A sly grin stretches across her face. Shepard places her hands on the edge of the window sill. Then she stretches her body out away from it. Her arms were stretch as far as they could go now.

Shepard let's her head hang loosely between her stretched limbs. "Who better to find them then their old crew?" She turns her head just enough to look back up at him.

"Then I'll help you. I can't go with, but this krogan has more then combat experience to offer." Shepard's smile wavers. She forces it back.

"I knew you couldn't come with, but I had hoped." Her words drift off.

"The limitations of ruling." If his people didn't need him Wrex would consider running off in search of the Normandy. However no one else has the same vision as he does. Some get close, but most would tear all his hard work down. A headpin was needed to hold this struggling mass of beads together. One to keep them all from strangling the rest of the galaxy and themselves. "But there is one who can go with you. He was supposed to take the head of another team, but I think serving as your guard would do him some good."

In a flash her smile returns. "Thank you Urdnot Wrex, but only if he wants too."

Criss-crossing his arms, Wrex hangs them out on the window's edge. "I'm going to be honest with you Shepard. I think you're going to have a hard time getting rid of him for a while. I'll tell Grunt to gear up."

Shepard casually rolls her eyes. She still hasn't realized it yet. "He's a grown krogan Wrex. He's always liked his space. I'm sure he would get bored joining be on a trip to visit who knows how many planets and moons before we find the others." She pulls her head back into the safety of her room. It grows darker due to the shade sheltering them from Tuchunka's sun. A choice taking her from the sun and into space. It's almost poetic in the human way.

"I think you'll find he's not quite as grown as he physically seems." He pulls his arms back in. Resting his warm hands on his side, Wrex adjusts his armor. "And your taking the salarian of course."

"Wrex-"

He shakes his head. Shepard stops her arguments. "You are Shepard. We have no idea if that tech Cerberus shoved in you will do now that all mass effect based technology is trashed."

With a huff Shepard concedes. "Fine."

"And you're only leaving once the doctor gives you the go ahead."

Anger flashes across her face. May someone who tries to stop her gain help from their beliefs, because their reassurance is all that would help them stand against Shepard's anger. Thankfully Wrex's beliefs were tried and tested throughout the centuries. Loyalty was important but what can anyone do with it when it comes at the detrimental cost of the one who's loyal? That's how loyalty dies. He's seen it often enough. "Shepard you died three years ago. You nearly died alongside Anderson at the Citadel in the final push. Then on my ship you nearly died three times." Wrex stands to his full height. It didn't do shit to intimidate her, but it helped prove how serious he was about this.

"Fine."

"Good." Turning his back to the window Wrex leans back against it. "Glad I didn't have to fight you on this. What would it look like, the leader of the krogan fighting an injured human." He runs a hand across his face. They'd have to talk to Grunt next. Then he'd have to find some way to pay the salarian to continue this journey with them. "I would do anything for you Shepard." He means it. This damn human had changed more of his life for the better then anyone else. Wrex stops with his hand on the doorknob. Looking back over his shoulder he watches as Shepard finishes her stretch. She's decided on her plan. Now it was just time to get it started. He'd have to get her a reliable ship. A tall order given their circumstances. Maybe he should also make her promise to return it. That would make her hesitate before giving herself over to alliance authority If they find her. As if that would stop her. Shepard does what she thinks is best. Always has. No. There's nothing he could say that would change anything about her or her plans. That same stubbornness was why he liked her in the first place. "But I need reassurances that your safe too."

"It'll take time for a ship to be fixed up enough to do long journeys. You'll also need to take plenty of extra fuel with you. We have no idea if the fuel stations are still out there."

"I can wait. It'll give me more time to spend with you and Grunt."

Wrex snorts. It means they would have more time to spend with her.

"I wish I could go with you Shepard."

Her body swings up as she places all of her weight on her hands in the window. She holds herself there, a few inches off the ground. Staring at the window her lips curl in a fashion he had never seen before. Her green eyes stay stuck on something he can't see. "I know Wrex."

Never has his head felt so heavy. He barely had the strength for the effort it took to nod it casually. This feels like giving in. It feels like goodbye. If he could go he would. Someone has to stay behind and keep these fools from launching another war. It had to be him. Damn it.

"I'm joining you." That deep, yet ungruffed voice. Of course he had been listening in. Despite having the name Grunt, he was incredibly strong-willed and independent. Most of his soldiers that were grunts wouldn't dare spy on him. Then again that was why he was made the leader of his team. Though after the deal struck with the rachni, Wrex wasn't sure if he would allow Grunt to continue to lead. He had made a recovery during the final strike against the reapers, saving many of his warriors, but he'd been hesitate during that fight. This undoubtedly gave him a chance to recover from his losses, and recoop his spirit. Once again Shepard to the rescue.

"Are you sure Grunt?" Of course she didn't notice the determination in his eyes. The way Grunt's hands were tighten and twisted in on themselves. Those claws would cut into his palm soon, if he doesn't loosen up.

"Yes!" Finally he releases his grip. "I'm coming with you Shepard."

Blue and green eyes land on Wrex. Each pair burning into him expecting some sort of support for their stance. Pursing his lips shut, Wrex maintains his silence.

"It'll be boring Grunt. I'm just going to be flying around looking for the Normandy." Hair frayed, eyes baggy, Shepard looks anything but commanding right now. Even her objection was lack luster.

"Shepard I must say as your doctor you shouldn't go anywhere for now." The salarian pipes in with, finally step out from behind the door as well. So everyone was just listening in today. Next a shadow broker agent would bounce out from behind the door, asking Shepard questions about her survival.

The salarian stops right next to Grunt. They both cross their arms, nearly in sync with the each other. They were side by side, blocking Shepard's path to the door. Wrex can't help but chuckle at the sight. "Seems everyone's in agreement aside from me." Shepard side-eyes him and Wrex smirks. A truly united front. Once composed of two krogans and a salarian. Shepard would be impress if she wasn't on the opposing side.

Shepard agrees to wait until she's mostly healed and able to walk without shaking. It only takes her about two more months of physical conditioning and struggling to find human appropriate food for her to be deemed well enough for space travel. Orrin wanted to wait longer, but Shepard was insistent to at least get started on fixing up the ship Wrex had promised.

With Wrex guiding the three of them quietly made their way through the empty ship hanger. It wasn't hard to get the rest of his people to empty it out of there. With so many of their kind stranded on various planets, chiefly Earth, their ships were almost all gone. Some would probably never make it back. How they were going to ever estimate the amount of their people lost was a problem he would focus more on once Shepard was safe and off his planet. Tuchunka could've been their planet. Wrex shakes his head as they meander further back into the hanger. Now was not the time for such thoughts. They were leaving. Only a fool would take that as a complete and utter rejection of one's ways. Shepard needed to find the rest of her family. If she's successful it'll be nice to have Garrus around again. Hopefully that stick hasn't wedge it's way back up his ass.

Finally they make it to the far back corner of the hangar. Tucked away, left unprotected from the Tuchunka air, rests a shut off, small for krogan, derelict ship. It's doors were on their edges. Sand was piling around it. It was old tech that hadn't been properly updated, or cared for in years. Wrex and the krogan has assumed it was useless. Shepard of course, takes one sight at the ship in disarray, and smiles. Rolling up her sleeves with a bit of mirth, the human laughs. Where they saw a lost cause, she saw a way. Typical for Shepard. She clambers into the ship without a care. Her own safety lost to her thoughts of repairs. With a wave of her hand she beckons Grunt over. They had a lot of work ahead. Wrex crosses his arms and watches with perceptive eyes. Grunt had no idea what to do. He stumbled over confusedly. Shepard was quick to start on a list of tools they would need. Tasks that had to be done. Wrex assumes their order was listed in importance, but it was impossible to discern through all of the technical jargon. One thing was clear. Grunt was going to do a lot of standing around. If he was lucky he would learn a thing or two. Wrex wasn't hopeful. Shepard had many flaws. One that he had learned first hand many years ago. Tali and her would escape to a world of their own understanding many an cycle back on the Normandy.

This ship, their ship, was half the size of the Normandy. Anything larger and she would need a full crew. An impossible ask. When Shepard leaves this planet, she leaves it's protection behind. There would be no more hiding from prying eyes. The pair of them will have to dodge and weave around. If luck is on their side they will be safe throughout their search. However this ship will be helmed by a trained spectre, and her krogan son. Luck may be on their side in a fight, but with secrecy they'd be limited. Especially without Liara running interference. She may not be the shadow broker, but she knew enough. Then again maybe it was more then enough. There had been some interesting rumors floating about before the reaper invasion.

Shepard's sleep schedule went to shit as she worked away on the ship. Wrex had heard Orrin complaints of it often. Typically right before or after she had failed to convince Shepard to take a rest. The N7 in her had a streak for missing out on sleep, but even Wrex was growing worried. Twenty hours with no rest wasn't uncommon. Going forty-eight without a wink of sleep was. It made him wonder how dire was her need to get off the planet. Bordering on reckless, even.

As the thirtieth hour was crossed Wrex went down there himself. Passing by warriors as he went, the two women on guard outside of the hangar nodded expectantly at him. Loud noises cry out from inside. Eve trusted them with the truth, and if Eve trusted them, then he had too as well. Afterall there weren't any among his men who he expected to keep their loose tongues from wagging. Well nothing short of him cutting them out. Even then that threat didn't always carry enough weight alone.

"You've come to force her out?" The green cladded female krogan asks.

"About time." Mutters her yellow companion.

Wrex gestures for them to move with his chin. A roll of their eyes is what he's given in return. Sighing, Wrex buries his hands into his sides. "Move." After a moment's hesitation they finally relent.

He could feel their glares burying daggers into the back of his skull. Next time Eve visits they would need to talk. It seemed many of her warriors were happier before they had returned. If these hostilities continued they would lead to more problems. Tuchunka belonged to neither group entirely. The peace they had enjoyed while his warriors had been stranded on Earth gave them a lot of freedom. A kind that allowed them to live peacefully with their pregnancies. At least as peacefully as krogan can live. Fighting pits hadn't been allowed between the pregnant women, which caused tensions to grow high until the eggs had been laid safely. Eve claimed those months had been the most difficult. Now they could fight safely again and plenty of arguments were breaking out about spacing for all the incubated eggs. She had last suggested bringing some of the eggs and their mothers into the living areas of their fathers. A request that had sent some of the men into a blood rage. Others were more then eager over the suggestion.

There's that tide of change Wrex.

He knew it was coming. The urge to runaway from it all was powerful. Before the war he had been riding that wave. Leading the charge as it washed over everyone else. Now his people were using it to pass him by. Grunt was working away at the side of the ship. Half-buried in wires and pipes beneath the removed panel. As Wrex approaches he notices the ridiculously loud noises were the back of his armor banging against the sides of the ship. It'll do him some good to get away from here. Tuchunka wasn't as stable by the need of a united front as it used to be. Despite all of his skills, it will do him well to have some stability. When his mind goes back it seems that is what has always eluded Grunt. While he had the Normandy for the beginning of his life that was taken away in less then a year due to the trial. Then he was here in an environment he was respected in. There had been a schedule and training to keep him busy. Then he was sent off on a mission where only he, the rachni queen, and Shepard's team had survived. That stability of a team that relied on him, with warriors he knew he could trust on a mission, gone. Not even in a flash, but slowly and drawn out, as the mission sent him elsewhere from them.

"Where's Shepard?"

"Resting. Finally." Grunt answers before slowly backing out of the ship's open side. His head clangs one last time against the top of the ship. "Huarrgh!" He shouts, reaching up to grab his head. Realizing how loud he had been, Grunt silences himself instantly. With as little noise as possible the young krogan leans around the side of the ship to poke his head inside. Wrex steps closer, to look above him. There, in a crook of the ship, was Shepard. She was sleeping in an odd fashion. Her legs were up on the wall of one side of the crook, as her back rests against the other. Red hair covers her face, as her head was lounging back to the side. Her arms looked the most comfortable to Wrex, as they were laid across her stomach, a wrench in one hand, and a krogan humer in the other.

Grunt lets out a sigh and pulls his head back out of the ship. "You got her to rest?" Wrex hopes his voice doesn't sound too impressed. No point in giving the youngling a big head. He looks back at Wrex like the older krogan had grown a second head.

"No?" Why was it a question? "She was exhausted. Didn't want to sleep until the ship was fly ready. I turned it on. It moved. She slept." Grunt busies himself with putting the side back on the ship.

Wrex looks back towards Shepard. So peacefully lost in rest. His hearts start to beat faster at the sight. Deep down a question starts to cause his stomachs to bubble. What if she's dead? She's not. Couldn't be thanks to the subtle sign of her body breathing. "She's going to work herself to death in this search for the others." Death and Shepard. The two were never far from each other nowadays. Deep down a quiet voice asks, 'when had they ever been?'. He just can't answer it. Not without a truth that was so obvious.

"She won't die." Grunt swears and Wrex remembers once saying those words. He already knew what was coming next. "Shepard is a warrior, my battlemaster, she won't die so easily."

"Mmhmm." Wrex agrees. Gingerly he pats Grunt's back. He jumps at the sudden touch. "Watch her back."

"Of course." He responded indignantly. The bruises on his face were gone now, and with them so was his constant anger. Good. That was the only word Wrex kept returning too. This was good. Grunt was a good warrior, and now he was doing his best to be a good son. This kid, he's learned a lot.

"You leaving tonight?" As if to answer the question, Orrin comes running in behind him. The salarian was cordially saying goodbye to the guards at the door. Krogans friendly with salarians. More change.

"Yeah we are."

Lumbering into the ship, Wrex takes the wrench out of Shepard's hand. He turns back to Grunt. "Then what else needs done?" Surprise, then competitiveness fills Grunt's face. This kid could be read like a book. Not everything has changed. Grunt showed Wrex some spots that needed attention throughout the ship. The fridge was on the fritz, lights in the rooms flickered, and the air towards the front of the ship smelt like fuel. Yeah the ship could fly, but that doesn't mean it should. Though Wrex wasn't an engineer like Shepard he knew enough to do the basic fixes. Upfront required a change of the filter, which a substitute for was found in a different ship. The fridge had some old wires that need replacing. So he did that next. The light in the backs just needed to be retighten. All the problems were so simple Wrex was caught off guard. Shepard had handled the biggest problems first, leaving the smaller ones for when they were going to take off, or after.

Ever dedicated.

When Shepard woke up, he was finishing up with the lights. The last of the tasks he'd worked on for them. Really he was holding Orrin up so she could tighten the lights, but he was the one doing the heavy lifting. Heh. Not that she was all that heavy. Salarians were all thin and weak after all. Most he's met never even came close to the average weight of a krogan that wasn't a newborn. She gave Orrin a clap on the shoulder, with her heartfelt thanks written all over her face. Expressive as ever, even when just waking up.

"May you travel safely." Wrex whispers as Shepard turns towards him from Orrin. Grunt steps into the ship, standing defensively behind her. No one on Tuchunka would dare kill Shepard, but they would hurt her. Many would try too, for glory, to bring themselves up in the world, and make names. Defeating Shepard would be a royal feat, but he had believed that wasn't a real threat. Shepard was krogan deep down. At her core was all of their ideals. She may not be one of them by blood, but clan Urdnot would always welcome her home. Even if they couldn't help but pose some risks for her like all families do.

Shepard throws her arms around his waist, almost lifting him up. If she were a little stronger she could've gotten his feet off the ground. Now he lifts himself up on his toes to encourage her, bending down to hold her back. Nowhere in the galaxy is completely safe, but by Shepard's side would always be the safest there could ever be. Of that Wrex was positive. This trust, no one could break.

"Take care of yourself you big lug." Shepard mutters back into his chest.

As she lowers him, Wrex can't help but repeat himself one more time. "You are my sister Shepard. You'll always have a home here." He hopes the message settles in. That she will take to heart, his offer one day. "Make sure you keep my knuckle-headed nephew safe.  too." It was a joke. One last line to lighten the mood dampening over his heart.

"Of course. One day when he's ready I'll bring back Urdnot Grunt to your clan. After we've rescued the rest of the family," Grabbing Wrex's hand, Shepard encases it within her own. "Brother." She head-butts him then much to Orrin's chagrin. Her sequels dissipate into the background as Shepard promises, "and on that day, I'll come back too. With everyone."