Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I’m not saying I want to date him. I’m just saying he’s hot.”

“And I'm saying you’re crazy for thinking that. He’s a jerk.”

“You can’t judge people’s hotness by their jerkiness, Timbo,” Stephanie said as she dug through her purse for her car keys.

Before Tim could answer, a trio of women walked up to them. They were holding pocket pistols pointed at the two and hidden from onlookers behind their purses.

“Hey there, kids,” the one in the bad wig said.

Tim looked down at his coffee with a sigh. “Lucius is going to kill me for missing the board meeting.”

Stephanie nodded, sucking at her smoothie.

“Be good and no one will have to get hurt,” the one with the obvious extensions chirped.

The straw slipped out of Stephanie’s mouth with a pop. “Listen, I’ve got a lecture in, like, thirty minutes and as fun as it would be to have a reason to get out of it, I’m not really in the mood. How about I give you the two hundred I snuck out of Timmy’s wallet and you guys save this for some other time?”

“In the van.” The one with the cheap hairspray dye job nodded towards the van a few cars away.

Stephanie turned to Tim to see him morosely shuffling towards the van. She shrugged and followed. As she watched Wig open the sliding door, she asked, “So you’re guy’s hair situations, did you want them to look purposefully bad for the kidnapping? Because if not then someone definitely ripped you off. I know a guy that could hook you up.”

Dye Job shot her a glare from behind her huge sunglasses and Extensions dug her gun into Stephanie’s back.

“Just saying,” Stephanie muttered and slipped the straw back into her mouth. She turned to share an amused look with Tim, only to see him climbing into the van. She frowned and lowered her drink. “Wait, are we actually going with them?”

Tim raised an eyebrow at her.

She shoved her drink into his free hand so she could throw her arms into the air. “Timmy, didn’t anyone ever tell you not to get into strangers’ cars?”

“Listen kid -” Extensions started alongside another nudge from her gun and Stephanie rolled her eyes.

“Lady, I’m not afraid of your mouse guns. Do you know who my dad is?”

“Bruce Wayne,” Wig said confidently.

“Ew, no. I just dated this guy,” she gestured to Tim, “then refused to leave after the break up so Brucie pays for my college bills. He’s, like, my ex-dad-in-law at best. Sugar uncle without the creepy implications? I don’t know. He’s not my dad though. No, my dad’s a supervillain who, for the record, has threatened me with acid to the face. He’s a dick, I know. Point is, you guys don’t scare me.”

Dye Job actually looked hesitant, but Wig looked unconvinced.

“Everyone’s got a relative who works for Riddler or Penguin or whatever. Nice try,” Extensions snorted and dug the gun even further.

Stephanie stepped forward and turned in one motion so she could glare at the woman. “Try Cluemaster. You know, Arthur Brown. Stephanie Brown. Ring a bell?”

“Sure, kid. Now get in.”

“Yeah, no. Last chance. Take the two hundred and leave.” When none of the trio backed down, she shrugged. “I tried.”

She clocked Extensions right in the temple, knocking her out in one blow. She grabbed Dye Job’s wrist and twisted it just as the woman pulled the trigger, making her shoot Wig in the shin. She slammed her elbow into Dye Job’s face, stunning her and possibly breaking her nose. Then she grabbed Wig’s head from where the woman had dropped into a crouch after the gunshot and slammed it into first her knee then the side of the van to knock her out. Finally, she pulled Dye Job into a chokehold and held on until the woman slumped in her arms.

With all three down for the count, she turned to Tim to see him sitting on the floor of the van with his legs hanging out.

Her drink was sitting next to him and he was rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You know, we’re supposed to just go along with the kidnapping.”

She blew a raspberry as she grabbed her drink. “I’ll leave that to you rich boys. My dad is publicly known to be a supervillain. I can beat up my kidnappers.”

Tim sighed and pulled out his phone to place a call. “Hey Jim. I’m calling to report an attempted kidnapping… No, mine this time. And Steph’s… No, we’re fine. The kidnappers are all knocked out and they never touched us… In the parking lot of the Robin’s Roast on Seventh near Hamilton. Do you think we can make this quick? I’ve got a meeting in,” he checked the time, “twenty-three minutes… Yeah, figured I’d at least try. We’ll wait here then.”

Stephanie took a loud sip of her smoothie as he ended the call and dialed someone else. “The officer he’s sending is one that’ll write me a note to my professor explaining why I missed the lecture, right?”

He nodded. “Hey, Tam, I… Oh, you’re still at lunch with your dad, great… No, I mean, yeah, but I just wanted to see if you could push the meeting back, say, an hour? I’ll be there, I swear… Kidnapping attempt… No, they tried to grab me and Steph, but Steph knocked them out right away so we’re just waiting for the police to pick them up and take our statements… No, I’m wearing my work suit… I know that. Steph says she gets privileges because she’s a supervillain's kid… You get to be the one to tell B that… What? No… Alright, fine. I’ll see you both at the meeting.”

“They pushing back your meeting then?”

“Uh-huh.” Tim put his phone away and downed his coffee. “Lucius says I have to hire you as my bodyguard though.”

Stephanie spat out her smoothie, Tim flinching away before any could land on his suit. “What? Why?”

“Apparently, you make a strong case. He’s sick of kidnapping attempts and actual kidnappings getting in the way of business. It doesn’t matter much with B because he’s Brucie, but apparently I need to be held to a higher standard because I’m responsible or some BS.”

“Sucks to suck, but you brought it on yourself,” she hummed. “Not that I’m agreeing, but what’s the pay like?”

Tim shrugged. “I’ll have to see what the going rate for bodyguards is.”

“Then double it.”

He shot her a look.

“Hey, don’t think I didn’t realize taking the job means I have to go to those boring galas Jason’s always complaining about. If I have to be bored out of my mind I want to be compensated for it.” She smirked. “Also, something tells me Lucius isn’t going to be happy if you get to work and my answer’s no.”

He gave her a full-on Batglare and she flipped him off. Sighing, he said, “Fine.”

“Also, I’ll need a couple fitted suits and nice shades. If I’m going to be a bodyguard I’m going to look sick doing it.”

“Alright,” Tim agreed, tapping at his phone.

“Can I get a gun?”

He looked up with a frown. “Why do you want a gun? Do you even know how to shoot?”

She shrugged. “Jason and Dick have guns. They could teach me. I need a weapon if I’m going to be your bodyguard. Plus, it’d tick off Brucie.”

He shook his head and turned back to his phone. “Can’t you just have a baton or something? You know how to use a baton.”

“Too close to my nightlife. What about a laser gun?”

“How are you going to get a laser gun?” he groaned.

She took a long sip. “I know people.”

“How about a taser?”

“What if I get a laser gun with a stun mode?”

“Laser gun that can only stun?”

“Deal.” She held out her fist.

He raised an eyebrow. “You know I’m going to check with Kara that the gun actually can only stun right?”

She stuck her tongue out at him and nodded so he fist-bumped her. She tried to take a drink, and frowned when she realized her cup was empty. She held out her hand and Tim placed his empty cup in it. After a quick trip to the trash can outside the coffee shop, she leaned against the van next to Tim. “So admit it: If you ignore Merrick’s personality, he’s totally hot?”

“… Alright, fine, he’s kind of hot. His personality is a complete deal-breaker though.”

“Oh, no, yeah, totally.”

Chapter Text

Stephanie didn’t look up from her phone as a man slid into her booth on the bench across from her.

He cleared his throat.

She speared a bite of waffle and stuck it in her mouth.

He cleared his throat slightly louder.

“Holy Bats! I gotta send this to Cissie!”

“Ms. Brown.”

She sighed dramatically and looked up. “Dude, take a hint. Even if I was looking for something, you're both too old for me and not my type.”

The man looked unimpressed. “I assure you, that isn’t why I’ve approached you.”

“What’d you want then?” she asked, turning back to her phone and scooping up another bite of waffle.

“I’m here to make you an offer.” An envelope slid into her view. “Inside that is two thousand dollars. It’s yours. All you have to do is call your boss up on Friday morning and tell him you're sick.”

Stephanie looked up with a raised eyebrow. “You're saying you’ll give me two grand for playing hooky?”

He nodded.

She grabbed the envelope and opened it. She ran her thumb over the bills, counting the fifties and twenties. When she was sure it was the promised amount, she shrugged and stuffed it in her purse. “Sure. Why not? I know a doc that’d probably even give me a note so I could get paid for the time off. Win-win.”

“Wonderful.” He stood. “And I’m sure that I don’t need to tell a young woman of your background that it would be preferable that you keep this little exchange to yourself.”

She snorted and pointed her fork at him. “I’m not stupid. I’ll keep my mouth shut. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to enjoy my lunch break in peace.”

He narrowed his eyes, but left without a backward glance.

Tim snickered at the video Kon sent him and shared it with Cass.

He heard a car approaching and sighed. He’d really been hoping the guys following him were just scouting, but no, of course someone had to try to kidnap him while Stephanie was out sick.

A flicker of yellow above him had him looking up just as a van stopped next to him and people in dark clothes piled out with guns drawn.

“Mr. Drake-Wayne, if you’ll come with us,” one said as she grabbed Tim’s arm.

“Uh, you might want to…” he gestured upwards.

Then Signal dropped down onto the van.

Tim’s little brother looked over the situation, then met his eyes. “Seriously. Can’t you Waynes go one week without a kidnapping? Didn’t I just save one of your brothers two days ago?”

He shrugged. Had one of them gotten kidnapped? Oh, wait, that was right. Dick had mentioned getting grabbed. Tim thought it was a Nightwing thing, though.

He’d have to read the report before the gossip hounds came sniffing around for statements.

“Aren’t you supposed to be sick?”

“Food poisoning,” Stephanie said, grabbing a cracker out of the bowl balanced on her stomach. “Real bad. Threw up and everything. My dormmate can confirm. She acted like a total germaphobe about it and had her girlfriend bring me over here.”

“Sure,” Tim said, unconvinced.

She smiled and held up her phone. “Look.”

He kicked off his work shoes and shuffled over, loosening his tie as he went. He laughed as he caught sight of the picture. “That looks horrible. Send it to me so I can post it on the group chat. Bart and Cassie will love it.”

She nodded and a moment later his phone went off.

“Why are you on a house-hunting site anyways?”

“Since you and Brucie are both paying my bills now, I figured I’d rent an apartment. Get out of the dorms.”

“I told you not to get a shared dorm.”

“Not all of us are introverted cave dwellers, Timbo. I wanted to make friends.”

“Instead you got a germaphobe that’s constantly on the phone with her girlfriend and thinks carbs is a swear word.” Tim sat on the couch's arm and stole one of her crackers. “Found anything?”

She shrugged and handed him the phone. “Not really. Don’t want anything too fancy, but I’ve got two grand in cash and three in savings so I figure I’ve got enough for the downpayment and first month of somewhere reasonably nice.”

“You know, I own this entire apartment complex. I could give you a discount.”

“Hm, discount, but also being your neighbor… Give me a bit to figure out if the pro outweighs all those cons.”

He rolled his eyes and gave her back her phone.

“So how was your day?” she asked as he went into the kitchen.

“Fine.” He peeked into the fridge. “Do you want -”

“I already ordered dinner for us.”

He shot her a look, but closed the fridge. “I have food. You didn't have to order out.”

“You have nutrients. I want food.”

He rolled his eyes. “How long’s it gonna be?”

She checked something on her phone. “Fifteen-ish.”

“Bath will have to wait, then,” he sighed and dropped onto the couch in front of her legs.

She picked up her legs so he could scoot back then set them down over his lap. “Bath, huh? Rough day listening to boring old white guys?”

“I didn’t have any meetings today, actually. Tam rescheduled the only meeting I had when you called in sick. Which is good because I would have missed it if she hadn’t. Some idiots tried to kidnap me on my way to lunch.”

She smirked at him. “You really can’t go a day without me, can you?”

He jabbed her in the side, making her squeak.

In retaliation, he shoved her foot into his face.

“Steph.”

“Duke.”

He glared at her for a few seconds before huffing and slapping a twenty into her hand.

“Thank you!”

“You knew someone was coming for him, didn’t you?”

“Are you accusing me of cheating?” Stephanie gasped dramatically.

“Yes.”

She poked him in the chest. “I told you. Timmy just looks kidnappable. People can’t help but target him when he doesn’t have someone watching him.”

“Come on. Someone just happens to try to kidnap him on the very day that we make a bet that he’d get kidnapped if you called in sick?”

“That’s Timberly for you.”

Duke threw his hands in the air and marched off.

“Sucker,” she snickered, shoving the bill into her pocket.

Chapter Text

Stephanie hummed as she read through an apartment listing. It was starting to look like she might end up taking Tim up on his offer after all.

“- gets dragged in, he’s going to -- Oh, hey, Stephanie!”

She looked up to see a group of girls stopping at her library table. Of the six, she recognized three of them. Marissa Crow had gone to the same high school as Stephanie, just a year ahead, and they’d shared a weightlifting class for the three years they were at school together. Yasmine Gonzales was on the medical track like Stephanie so they had a few classes in common. Sasha Bellamy lived in the dorm next to Stephanie’s and she and her roommate sometimes let Stephanie crash with them when her own roommate was getting on her nerves.

The three smiled at her and Sasha nodded to the table. “Mind if we sit with you?”

Stephanie shrugged and moved her things closer to her. “Go ahead. I’m mostly just wasting time until my three-thirty class.”

The girls gave their thanks as they settled around the table. Most of them pulled out books, laptops, or tablets to work, but Marissa and a girl with green hair Stephanie didn’t know turned to each other to continue whatever conversation they must have been having before they walked up.

“Are you sure there’s nothing he can do?” the vertette asked with a frown.

“Nah,” Marissa sighed. “Most of his buddies are already working that night and the few who aren’t won’t be able to cover for him, he’s checked, and he’s not risking big nose’s wrath by bailing.”

“Who’s got a big nose?” Stephanie asked and turned away from her laptop at the first sign of entertaining gossip.

“Penguin,” Marissa groaned. “My older bro works for him. Ryan was supposed to get Lyra and me into this cool new club in Newtown this weekend, but Penguin’s got this big thing going on tomorrow night. If Ryan gets nabbed by the Bats, there’s no way he’ll get bail in time to take us.”

Stephanie tapped her pen against the table. She knew the club Marissa was talking about. It was an exclusive place that had popped up three weeks earlier and was suspected of hiding a magical drug ring. The Bats had been trying to get into the club to scout it out on the civilian side, but it was too gritty for Brucie and the club was more about connections than money or looks so Kate couldn’t work her magic. No one could use Red Hood’s connections without being tied to Red Hood as a result, so he was out too. Tim was reaching out to some of his Draper contacts, but that would take time.

“You’re talking about Lotus, right?” she confirmed. “If I can keep your brother out of trouble, would you bring me with you? My cousin and I have been wanting to go, but he’s been too busy to take me.”

Marissa and Lyra shared a look while Stephanie noticed a few of the other girls pretending not to glance at her.

“How can you do that?” Lyra asked.

Stephanie shrugged. “I know a guy.”

“I need a favor.”

Jason grunted, not looking up from the work Roy was doing on his helmet.

“You know how you’re working a deal with Penguin tomorrow night before the bust,” Stephanie asked poking at a device on the table near them until Roy slapped her hand away.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Uh-huh. Anyways, I need you to get Ryan Crow out of the building with you before Dick and Damian crash the party.”

“Never heard of him.” He tilted his head to Roy.

“Me neither. You sure he’s one of Hood’s?”

“Nope. He’s one of Penguin’s.”

“And why would I save one of Penguin’s goons?”

“Because you’d be the best pseudo-ex-brother-in-law ever?”

“Pass.”

"Is that seriously how you describe yourselves?"

“Because he’s getting me into Lotus this weekend,” she offered instead, ignoring Roy's muttered comment.

Jason’s gaze shot up. “How old is this guy exactly?”

“First of all, I’m an adult.”

“Barely.”

“I’m nineteen!”

“Exactly.”

“Might I remind you what you were doing at nineteen?” she said, poking Jason's arm. “That’s right, putting heads in duffle bags.”

“It was just the one bag!”

“Right, so no judging if I decide to date older men. Anyways, gross, no. I’m friends with his sister and she agreed to take me, but we won’t be able to go if he gets nabbed in the bust.”

Jason watched her for a moment, then rolled his eyes and turned back to the helmet.

Stephanie was lying on her back, considering what to do with her latest bribe, when she felt eyes on her. She turned to see Marissa, Lyra, and their friend Nancy huddled together, occasionally glancing her way.

When they realized she was staring back at them, they flinched. They whispered between themselves for another moment, then came over.

“Hey, Steph.”

“‘Sup.” When they didn't say anything else, she asked, “Did you need something?”

“Uh, yeah, kind of.” The three shared a look again as Marissa cleared her throat. “You know that favor you did for me last month.”

“With Penguin and Lotus?”

“Yeah, that. Thanks again, by the way. How the hell did you manage to get Ryan onto the team escorting Hood’s goods?”

“Told you I knew a guy. I’m just glad you guys could bring me to the club. Never would have gotten a chance to go before the Bats shut the place down.” Stephanie grabbed her water bottle from where it was sitting next to her and took a drink. “Why were you asking?”

They once again shared a look. “Well, Nancy was wondering if you could give her a hand with a similar situation.”

Nancy looked a little pale, but nodded. “See, my boyfriend works for Riddler and he was supposed to have Friday off so we got tickets to a concert, but then Batgirl and Red Robin busted one of his operations so the rotation got all shuffled around. Now he’s working and we’re going to miss the concert. I was hoping… I mean, Marissa and Lyra told me what you did for them…”

“So you wanted to see if I could get your boy off the hook,” Stephanie finished.

She nodded. “I’ve got two extra tickets because my sister and her BF were going to come with us, but they broke up so the tickets are yours if you can help me.”

“What’s the concert?”

“Saffron and Poppy.”

Well, she did like Saffron and Poppy. And Duke would owe her one if she brought him since he’d been going back and forth over asking Bruce for the money to get tickets, with it only getting worse as the concert grew closer and prices skyrocketed. (Honestly, what's the point of getting adopted by a billionaire if you didn't extort said billionaire for the greater good?) And Tim was still in Riddler’s system so it wouldn’t be hard for him to take one guy off the work schedule.

“Alright, deal.”

“You can do it?”

“I know a guy who can. What’s your boy’s name?”

“Hey, Sig, remember how I brought you to that concert a few weeks ago?”

Signal eyed Batgirl warrily. “Yes.”

“Time to repay the favor.”

“I’m going to regret this.”

“Says the guy who likes jumping off bridges.”

“Gotham Harbor is safer than one of your schemes.

“Thanks. Anyways, a friend of mine thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him while he’s at school in the afternoon. Right in your patrol timeframe! Mind looking into that for me?”

“No? I really don’t think that’s what we’re supposed to be using our detective skills on.”

“Aw, you thought that was a request,” she cooed, patting him on the helmet. “You owe me, remember?”

He groaned. “Fine, but then we’re even.”

“You got it!”

“You going to tell me why you need Alvin Draper to give this guy an alibi?” Tim asked as he adjusted his leather jacket.

“Nope.”

“Hey, Tim, you’re not going to believe -” Bernard cut off as he came into Tim’s office to see a trio of people hanging around in the room.

Tim was at his desk, slumped in his chair with his keyboard in his lap and staring blankly at the computer screen.

A blonde girl was lying across the couch. She was wearing a sleek suit that was slightly rumpled from how she was laying as well as a nice pair of aviators that were pushed onto the top of her head. She also looked insanely hot.

A familiar young woman was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, stretching. Cassandra Wayne was equally hot, especially in the tight-fitting dance clothes she was wearing.

Bernard was loyal, but heck if he wasn’t tested by all of Tim’s incredibly sexy older siblings and friends.

Then again, Tim is also incredibly sexy, he thought as Tim set the keyboard back on the desk and stretched in a way that showed off the toned body hiding beneath his boring work suit perfectly.

“Hey, Bernard, what are you doing here? I didn’t think we had lunch plans today,” Tim said with a smile, ruffling his hair cutely.

“We didn’t. Just thought I’d surprise you.” He didn’t do it often, not wanting to give the stiffs Tim worked with any more reason to question their young boss’s competence, but it was fun to do it every so often and he always made sure to call Tam beforehand to be sure he didn’t interrupt anything.

“So this is Bernard?” the blonde asked. She sat up, setting the bag of chips she’d been eating from on a side table and pocketing her phone.

“Yeah, this is him,” Tim said with a nervous expression Bernard didn’t understand. “Steph, Bernard. Bernard, this is my friend Stephanie.”

“The Mythical Stephanie,” Bernard said with an impish grin and turned to the girl. He looked her over again and nodded. Yeah, he could see why Tim wouldn’t even consider giving anyone else a second glance while dating her. At her confused expression, he explained, “Tim used to talk about you all the time when we were in school together. Considering none of us ever saw you, we thought he made you up. Darla was sure he was lying about having a girlfriend as a way to let her down easily. I just figured he was gay and using a fake girlfriend as a beard.”

“Really?” Stephanie asked, donning her own impish grin as she glanced at Tim.

“You’re fired,” Tim huffed and she blew him a kiss. “What were you saying when you came in, Bernard?”

Bernard smiled at Cassandra then walked over to drape himself over one of the chairs in front of Tim’s desk. “Okay, so you know how Cluemaster has a daughter? S-something. Stacy, I think. Stacy Brown.”

Cassandra gave a small cough as she gracefully settled into another one of the chairs.

“Oh, yeah, Stacy! I’ve heard of her,” Stephanie chuckled, walking around the desk to lean against the back of Tim’s large office chair.

Tim’s face was blank as he nodded.

Bernard felt like he was missing something, but carried on. “Well, I was on the conspiracy forums during my morning lecture -”

“Of course you were,” Tim said, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hands with a soft smile that had a warmth settling in Bernard’s chest.

“R-right, so I guess Stacy’s taking after her old man and now rumors are going around that she got hired here, so two main theories have popped up. Get this, apparently, you two are working together. The real reason you took the company from Wayne was that you plan to use her connections and Wayne Enterprises’s power to become the next Lex Luther.”

“Oh my god, yes!” Stephanie shrieked, bouncing and shaking Tim’s chair. “Tim, Timmy, Timbo! Let’s go supervillain! We could totally take over the world! Beat Lexy at his own game! Imagine the look on Mercy’s face!”

“Luther wishes he was Tim,” Cass said and gave Stephanie a high-five when the blonde leaned over Tim’s desk for one.

“For the record, I’m not against dating a world dictator, but I would like some forewarning,” Bernard teased.

“We’re not going supervillain,” Tim laughed, shoving Stephanie off his desk and righting the stacks of paperwork she’d knocked over.

“So theory one was great, what’s the other one?” Stephanie asked.

“There's actually a bunch of theories, but most of them aren’t getting any traction. The only other one that is says that she’s the mastermind, that she’s seducing Tim to get the Wayne fortune so she can establish her own criminal empire.

Stephanie cackled and Cass shook her head while Tim raised an eyebrow.

“We’ve been broken up for years and now they want to throw out gold-digger accusations,” he snorted.

“Wait, you seriously dated a supervillain's daughter?” Bernard asked, perking up.

“Like the guy who had a crush on a mob princess for the longest time has room to talk.”

“Not judging. Just surprised. I mean, everyone calls her GU’s Godfather around campus. Doesn't seem your type.”

“Wait, she's called what?” Stephanie said, all laughter dropping from her voice as she frowned. She shared a confused look with Cassandra and Tim.

“Yeah, it’s kind of a well-known secret that she’s got connections to some of the big names like Penguin, Two-Face, and Ventriloquist. I mean, no one knows, but everyone’s pretty sure. Some think she’s even got connections to people like Red Hood, Poison Ivy, and Riddler.”

“Why would people think that?” Cassandra asked.

“She’s been doing favors for people, hence the Godfather nickname, and sometimes the favors involve some high-level stuff. Plus, she refuses to tell anyone how she did it other than that she knows people.”

Tim and Cassandra turned to Stephanie, who gave an awkward chuckle.

“Oops.”