Archive of Our Own ^beta

On second thought, Julio should’ve never let ‘Star watch Midsommar.

Not because of the cult bullshit, but because of the fucking flowers. The instant ‘Star had seen the elaborate crowns and wreaths the characters had worn, they began to make piles upon piles of them. There wasn’t a surface in their home that wasn’t covered, with freshly cut flowers waiting to be woven together, the wreaths themselves, or the various bugs that crawled out of the petals. After the first few spiders that had ended up in their bed, Julio had banned ‘Star from working on the wreaths in the bedroom.

Krakoa seemed to be happy to provide any flowers in all colors, shapes, sizes, and whatever else that ‘Star wanted. The flowers didn’t even wilt and die after they were picked from the ground. In the spirit of pride month, ‘Star had even taken to making crowns and wreaths in the colors of various queer flags. They had made him a trans flag crown and, well. Maybe he had cried. A bit. He passed it off as allergies when ‘Star asked him if he was alright. He didn’t have any allergies. ‘Star knew that, but graciously decided against commenting on it.

(Once he had made sure there weren’t any bugs crawling around the stems and petals, he had hung it up next to the pair’s various collection of pride flags, in between ‘Star’s nonbinary flag and his trans flag. When ‘Star had seen it the soft, adoring smile, the one they saved only for Julio, decorated their lips, and fuck if he didn’t fall in love all over again.)

Julio awoke to the sunlight drifting through the blinds and the wind whistling quietly through the open bedroom window. ‘Star’s side of the bed was cooling by the time Julio was fully out of that strange space between consciousness and dreams, the imprint of their body still settled into the silken covers, meaning that they had woken up only a short time before he had. That was an improvement that had come from both time and hard work on ‘Star’s part. For years, even after leaving Mojoworld behind for good, ‘Star had practically forced themself awake in the early morning, a skill that had been driven into them over and over by those that had used them, Mojoworlders and humans alike. Even though their advanced physiology didn’t need as much rest, they still drove themself into exhaustion because of a lack of sleep. In the days during and after X-Factor, when early mornings were rarely needed (except for during the occasional apocalyptic event), they would use the time to work out, meditate, and watch whatever TV programs were on at that time, but the seemingly endless, empty hours of the early morning with no stimulation made sticking to routines incredibly difficult for them, creating entirely new problems. By the time they had bought Manor Crossing and Julio had opened the Shakedown, ‘Star had begun waking up only three or four hours before Julio instead of the six or seven hours from earlier in their life. This decrease in hypervigilance couldn’t only be attributed to time away from those who used them as a weapon, but also to ‘Star beginning therapy and recovery. The doctor was one another mutant had recommended to them, someone who was mutant-and-queer-friendly. She took on a variety of cases, and had clients from a wide spectrum of backgrounds, and was equipped to take on ‘Star, with their early (and current) life being as… complicated as it was. That was certainly saying something, seeing as there was at least one time paradox, an alien world, even more time travel, and all the other bullshit ‘Star had gone through. Julio went as well, attending the rare therapy session when it felt necessary but mostly using the resource to get his antidepressants and other medications he needed. The diagnoses of PTSD, autism, and gender dysphoria that ‘Star was able to get, as well as the resulting treatment, had helped them settle into their body and current life more and more, and on their best days, they only woke about 20 to 30 minutes before Julio. This seemed to be one of those good days.

A smile danced across Julio’s lips as he breathed in deeply, the warm vanilla and almond from ‘Star’s favorite body wash and the earthen smells from the home he and Krakoa had created mixing together. He spent a few more minutes soaking in the sunlight and mid-morning air, before finally getting to his feet and starting his day. There was a plate of still-steaming pancakes on the kitchen table, set out with butter, syrup, fruit, and cinnamon, a note next to it reading “good morning!” Next to the words was a small doodle of a smiley face with ‘Star’s pointed design over the left eye. The sight brought a smile to his face, and he tucked the small note into the pockets of his sweatpants. After putting the appropriate condiments on his pancakes, he grabbed his plate and some cutlery on his way out into the yard.

Even after almost a year, the sight and feeling of Krakoa left him breathless. Spreading for miles and miles were plants and animals and life so unique to this strange place, each discovery more beautiful than the last. With each breath he took, he could feel Krakoa breathing in tandem, feel the plants growing, feel the sweet kiss of rain against the soil, the warm embrace of the sun. He and the Earth had always been connected, but Krakoa brought that connection to the next level. He had even taken to meditating, feeling each step across the island like the ground was his own skin, reveling in the laughter of the inhabitants, the life thriving and stretching across, the overwhelming happiness and simple contentedness brought to this group that had only ever lived in fear.

When he and ‘Star first planned on settling on the island, Julio had tried to make sure that their housing had as much outside space as possible, wanting to feel the world’s heartbeat in time with his own. Eventually, someone asked him why he didn’t work alongside Krakoa and use his gift to build the very walls of the home, carving space into the land itself. According to Doug, Krakoa was very receptive to the idea, and after a few days of work, his and ‘Star’s home was built. ‘Star had joked that they lived in a hobbit-hole, and Julio couldn’t deny a resemblance. About a quarter of the house was above ground, the outside walls practically a vertical garden with the various plant life weaving itself into a chaotic tapestry. There was a wrap-around porch, various seats and chairs, and other resting places covered with throw blankets and pillows. His favorite place on it was the hammock, large enough for both him and ‘Star to lay on together as well as something ‘Star could use to stim comfortably, the gentle rocking comforting to both of them. They spent so much time there they had even started leaving one of their several weighted blankets, which helped both ‘Star and Julio, next to or on the hammock. Below ground were several more levels, including large living rooms for get-togethers with friends, guest bedrooms, hot tubs, and swimming pools, even a sizable gym for the two to work out and train in. Inside, the walls were an amalgamation of clay, wood, stone, plants, and tightly packed dirt. At first, Julio was worried about the interior getting, well, dirty, from all the dirt the house was made of, but somehow it never was. Stranger things had happened on the island, however, so Julio didn’t spend too much time trying to puzzle it out. The decor held a similar aesthetic, a collection of so many different styles and even eras of origin. The home should’ve felt cluttered and messy, but it couldn’t possibly be further from that. It was home.

Stepping onto the porch, Julio could see ‘Star a ways out in the yard, a basket of freshly picked flowers to the side of where they were sitting. Their hair had begun to grow out in the time since the pair had settled on Krakoa, and was just long enough for them to sweep it into a bun, a couple of strands freeing themselves from the hair tie and falling to frame their face. A small, deer-like animal had come up to them, and they appeared to have set aside their task of picking flowers to play with it. Julio snorted, thinking about how much his partner looked like Snow White, sitting in the middle of a garden, petting a deer as they took a break from picking flowers.

He never thought he might be able to compare any aspect of his life to a fairytale, but here he was, here they were.

‘Star turned around at the sudden noise, a blinding grin spreading across their face once they saw Julio. They raised their arm in a beckoning motion, and Julio made a show of sighing in fake defeat and marching over. He sat next to ‘Star once he reached them, settling under their lifted arm and digging into his pancakes. The pair sat in comfortable silence for a while, letting the birds in the trees and the wind in the air and their own breaths and movement fill the space between them instead. ‘Star continued to pet the deer, who seemed to have an affinity for scratches behind its ears and had laid down on ‘Star’s other side. Every so often, ‘Star leaned down for a bite of pancake, and Julio obliged, holding the fork up for them to eat off of.

Once the plate was clear, Julio set it down in front of him and leaned back into ‘Star. The deer stood up, curious, and began to lick at the leftover maple syrup still stuck to the plate.

“Is… is that safe for deer to eat?” Julio asked.

“I am not so sure that this creature is a deer,” replied ‘Star.

He rolled his eyes. “Fine, is that safe for deer-like creatures to eat?”

He felt ‘Star cock his head in thought, silence lasting for a few seconds before they spoke again. “Probably not,” they said, and reached forward to take the plate away from the deer.

It made a small rumbling noise of discontentment in the back of its throat, practically pouting at ‘Star. Julio didn’t even know that deer, or whatever it was, could pout. Eventually, ‘Star gave in to the puppy eyes it was giving and gave back the syrupy plate. Julio burst out laughing, turning his face to press into ‘Star’s shoulder, before pulling back and smiling at the confused look on their face.

“What is it?” they asked, voice slightly indignant.

Julio sighed, a smile still on his lips. “I don’t know. I think I’m happy.”

‘Star didn’t reply, and instead let their eyes slide shut and resting their forehead against Julio’s, bringing a calloused hand up to cup his cheek. They stayed like that for a bit, before ‘Star pulled back to rearrange them.

They ended up in a reverse of their original position, with ‘Star leaning against Julio. He pulled the basket of flowers closer for them, and ‘Star got to work, quick and practiced hands weaving the stems together. Silence sat over them for a while, Julio tuning into the Earth and allowing himself to feel it all, and ‘Star made their flower creations, their thoughts likely twisting and turning around. Julio had long gotten used to the fact that ‘Star didn’t often voice their thoughts unless asked, and each time they were asked, the topic varied from a simple “nothing” to a complex analysis of whatever book, TV show, song, or topic they were hyperfixated on at the moment. He had learned over the years that while sometimes, ‘Star liked to infodump, talking and discussing their special interests at length, they often liked to turn the topics over in their head endlessly, finding new avenues of analysis and discovery of possible meanings or interpretations of the original data. Julio usually let them sit with their thoughts for a while, before asking what those thoughts were, usually sparking a long, thoughtful conversation, bouncing from subtopic to subtopic to subtopic.

This time, however, seemed different. There was a small, nervous energy to ‘Star, one that would have been imperceptible to him if he didn’t know his partner so well.

Julio poked at ‘Star’s shoulder gently, getting their attention. “What’s going on in that brain of yours?” he asked.

They frowned, turning back to their work for a while. Julio waited it out, knowing that they needed to collect their thoughts and even script out what they were going to say to make sure it covered everything.

“Elyssa thinks I should start a social media presence. She was mostly suggesting a Youtube channel,” they said. Elyssa was the therapist that they saw. Julio hmmed, prompting ‘Star to continue. “She thinks that if I can take back control of…” they gestured vaguely, referring to the way they had been used as social entertainment against their will, “that I should, that it might bring me… closure? I don’t know. I also talked to her about the flowers, and she thinks that creating things helps me. And it would be another form of creation.”

He nodded. “What do you think?”

“I don’t… I think it might help. But it could also cause a lot of problems. I might… I might create the videos at first, but not post them for a bit, if at all. I don’t know if I want to expose something so private to the world, not again. On the other hand, we do live on Krakoa. Nobody outside of here really knows what is happening. Most think we’re starting a militaristic cult, training child soldiers to take over the rest of the world. Documenting my experiences living on the island may show others that there is nothing here for them to fear.”

Julio thought that over for a moment. “You don’t have to be responsible for all the positive PR of Krakoa. You can put yourself first, dude. You can be selfish. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. Fuck what the rest of the world thinks of us. And if you do want to do it, it doesn’t have to be personal, man. Some YouTubers just record their day, others do specific activities they plan out and talk to the camera while they do them, hell, there’s probably a million other types of videos you could make.” He elbowed them slightly, pointing at the halfway-finished wreath in their hands. “Maybe you could just sit out here and make those. Talk to the camera if you want, stay silent if you don’t. And maybe you’ll be comfortable with it, and be able to incorporate more private parts of our, of your, life, maybe you won’t. Whatever you’re comfortable with, mi alma.”

They continued making the crown, the pair sitting in silence as ‘Star collected their thoughts.

“I think I might,” ‘Star said at last. “Maybe I don’t… maybe I don’t start with videos. I think I might do something smaller, first.” The crown in their hands was finished, and they grabbed a pre-cut ribbon from the basket to secure it. Julio looked at the crown, the purple, yellow, white, and black flowers twisted together, colored according to the nonbinary flag to match Julio’s trans crown, and plucked it from their hands. ‘Star sat up to look at him, and he placed the crown atop their head.

Julio grinned. “I think I have an idea,” he said. “Do you have your phone on you?”

At ‘Star’s shake of the head, he pulled out his own phone and opened up Instagram. He tapped on his own profile, which he only really used to promote the Shakedown, yet had a substantial amount of followers, and clicked the plus symbol to create a new account. He set it up, the handle just a simplistic @shatterstar, and he was surprised that it wasn’t already taken, setting the profile picture to a recent photo he had of ‘Star. They were laughing at an unknown joke with Monet and Terry behind them, laughing as well and braiding their hair. Turning to ‘Star, he snapped a photo of them where they had turned back to the deer near them, rubbing behind its ears and smiling at it. He went through the process of uploading it, captioning the image “there are some weird animals here. i like the flowers, though,” and geotagging Krakoa. He stopped just before hitting upload, handing the phone over to ‘Star for their approval. They took a few moments, brows furrowed as they chewed on the pad of their thumb, before nodding, clicking the upload button, and handing back Julio’s phone.

Julio set the phone to the side, shifting over to where ‘Star had flopped down on the grass. He stayed perched on his elbow for a few seconds, watching ‘Star take a few deep breaths before they opened their arms in a silent question. He shifted over, laying completely on top of them, settling his face into the curve between their neck and shoulder as ‘Star wrapped their arms around him.

“Do you want me to get a weighted blanket instead?” he asked, voice slightly muffled by ‘Star’s skin.

They shook their head. “No. This is good.”

The air was warm, a gentle breeze skating across his skin and the warm sun wrapping around him like ‘Star’s embrace. Birdsong echoed through the trees surrounding their home, and although he had only woken up about half an hour earlier, Julio could already feel himself being pulled back into sleep. Yeah, he thought as he drifted off. It is good.