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2021-07-17
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2021-07-19
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3/?
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recovery

Summary:

After Quackity, Niki and the rest try their best to recover from the damage done to them.

Notes:

This is part 2 of my 'merely a man' fic so i HEAVILY recommend you read that one first to understand what's happening here. you can read it here: https://archiveofourown.to/works/32413204/chapters/80365702

enjoy these fluffy and angsty chapters ahead!

Chapter 1: wakey, wakey

Chapter Text

Dreams.

 

Dreams could go suck a truck and fall down a never-ending pit.

 

Before, of course, it had been bad – seeing your best friend go insane, your country be blown up as well as being imprisoned and starved turned out to have an effect on you! – but after Quackity.. the nightmares got ten times worse.

 

The nightmares ranged from tame to.. well... nightmarish.

 

The tamer ones left her sitting upright in bed, staring at the wall and trying to mull everything over. The tame ones made her question herself, her existence, whether she was even real. The tame ones made her walk out of her house and curl in the snow, feeling the cold seep into her clothes.

 

The worst ones left her in a cold sweat, hyperventilating and the room would seem too small and the only thing she would register was the feeling of panic panic panic, and after the adrenaline wore off her mind would go absolutely numb and refuse to acknowledge anything but the fact that she felt empty.

 

That was what it would be like, had she not had her friends and girlfriend. Had she not had support, she would have kicked the bucket long ago.

 

Because every time she stared at the wall, Puffy would wrap her arms around her waist and murmur into her ears, soft reassurances. She'd intertwine her fingers with Niki's, a way of telling her she was here. Every time she lay in the snow, there'd be Ranboo, picking her up and bringing her to Phil's. Every time she woke up panicking and Puffy wasn't there because of one reason or another, Techno would be there, rubbing circles into her back and bringing her hot chocolate. Every time she went numb and walked out into the snow, aiming to walk somewhere, anywhere, Phil would be there, holding her arm and gently guiding her back there. In no time at all, she'd blink and realize she was fidgeting with Phil's feathers, and Phil would laugh softly and say 'Welcome back, Niki'.

 

There were other things, too, which were all pretty high up on her list of THINGS I NEVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE EVER AGAIN.

 

The shivers she'd get looking at a navy blue jacket, or the way she'd jump every time someone opened the damn door. Once, Ranboo, being his clumsy self, had dropped a plate, and Niki had immediately gone into defense mode, jumping to the other side of the room and already bringing out her dagger. Once she realized there was nothing there, she and Ranboo had spent ten minutes profusely apologizing to one another.

 

During a therapy session, Puffy had told her she diagnosed her with C-PTSD, which apparently was like PTSD but different, with some overlapping traits and a common root to PTSD, which is why they had similar names. Apparently, Tommy and Ranboo had these as well, and that it wasn't anything to be ashamed or afraid of. She had given her a book, which was honestly quite interesting, which was basically about the lives of people with C-PTSD, and Niki honestly saw herself in these people.

 

She had been bad for a while. She was worse now, but better.

 

It was hard to describe. B efore, she had been bad in terms of nightmares and her steadily declining mental health and sanity, now, however, she was even worse in the nightmares and mental health, but she had people now, or rather, she talked to people now. She had had people before, but never reached out.

 

She was getting better. Much, much, better. Puffy told her that every single session, and Niki herself was starting to realize it, too. She was humming while baking. She was baking. Quackity hadn't ruined that for her.

 

Until one morning. When all of that practically came undone with two words.

 

 

 

 

 

The sun filtered through the blinds, glinting brighter because of the colder habitat. Puffy groaned and rolled over, though she almost fell off the bed, which definitely woke her up and she yelped and grabbed the side of the bed to avoid landing on the floor. She miraculously managed to stay on, but only just.


She sighed in relief, then looked over at Niki. Damn, she was a heavy sleeper this morning. That yelp somehow hadn't woken her up, which may have been concern for anybody else, but Puffy knew that it meant Niki was healing, starting to recover.

 

However, judging by the sound of conversation outside, Puffy gathered it was time to wake up, and wake Niki up as well.

 

She allowed herself one more look at Niki, who was curled around a pillow, her good ear against it – Ah. That must have been why she hadn't heard it. Either way, she was asleep.

 

Puffy rolled over to Niki's side, and gently touched Niki's hand. Niki flinched at the touch, but blinked, looking around blearily.

 

Puffy laughed softly. Niki was like a confused puppy in the morning. Niki smiled faintly at the sound of Puffy's laugh.


"Wakey, wakey." She said softly.

 

With only those two words had Niki jumping, falling off the bed and scrambling into the corner, both her arms grasping the walls in a defensive yet helpless position, her chest heaving with heavy breaths.


Puffy gaped, before her therapist knowledge kicked in.

 

Niki must have been triggered.

 

Were 'wakey, wakey' trigger words for her? Shit, they must have been.

 

"Niki." Puffy said gently. "Can you hear me? Nod for yes, shake your head for no."

Slowly, and shaking violently, Niki nodded.

 

"Okay, that's good, that's good." Puffy said, getting off the bed, slowly so that Niki could watch her every move. " Tell me five things you can see."

Niki, trembling, looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time.

 

"Take your time." Puffy reassured her, very, very slowly advancing towards her.

 

"I see you coat on the coat rack.." Niki said. "Our bed... the snow outside the windows.. Eret's pink 'You Matter' wool and.. and a photo of us." She relaxed ever so slightly.

 

"That's great." Puffy said, taking a few steps forward. "Four things you feel?"

"My socks... they're comfy." Niki decided firmly. Puffy huffed out a light laugh, and some of the tension in Niki's released. "My nightshirt.. the wooden walls and.." She felt the intricate wall carvings, lovingly done by Sapnap and Karl as a gift and an apology. "The designs. On the wall."

"You're doing amazing." Puffy said, kneeling down. "Three things you hear?"

"Your voice." The sides of Niki's mouth twitched up in a tentative smile. "Phil's crows, and.." Niki's ear flicked. "And Ranboo.." She frowned. "Ranboo struggling in the baby chair?


Puffy strained to hear, but she could faintly hear Ranboo complaining about being stuck, and laughed. Niki hesitantly joined in, and Puffy internally cheered.

 

"And what can you smell?" Puffy asked, shuffling a little closer. "Tell me anything."

"I.." Niki clenched her fists, looking frustrated. "I can't-"

"That's fine, that's fine." Puffy said. "You're fine, I'm not angry. Tell me your favourite smells."

"Okay.." Niki looked unsure, but continued. "Your.. shampoo. It's this kind of strawberry smell, but there's also something like sea-ish about it. I don't- know the word in English, I'm sorry." She muttered under her breath. "Scheiße."

Puffy blinked. "Did you just swear at me in German?"

Niki coloured. "Not at you."

Puffy chuckled. "Nah, I don't really care. Another smell you like?"

 

Niki hummed, like she was thinking.

 

"The smell of baking goods." She smiled faintly, then looked a little wisftul as she continued, "When it's actually started baking in the oven and you can smell it and you want to get it out and eat it so bad but you know you shouldn't."


"Damn, you're feeding me a short story here." Puffy said. Niki gave an embarassed chuckle. Puffy moved to touch her knee, to reassure her that it wasn't dumb or embarassing, but actually pretty cute, then reconsidered. "Can I touch you?"

 

Niki hesitated, then nodded. Puffy put her hand on Niki's knee, rubbing circles into it. "And one thing you taste? If you can't find anything, give me a taste you like."

 

"Well.. I really like the taste of chocolate cake, if I'm honest." Niki gave a small laugh. "Stereotypical, I know, but it's just really nice, and I usually add more chocolate so it's quite rich. I have to remind myself not to eat too much!"

 

God, Puffy was in love with this woman.


She got up and held out her hand. "Care to join me, fair Lady, and get Sir Ranboo out of le baby seat?"

Niki giggled. "Don't mind if I do, Captain."

She helped her up, and Puffy brought her outside and watched as Niki and Ranboo started conferring on how to help her out, though she smiled a little sadly.

 

After a few hours of good, easy conversation, Niki turned to Puffy.


"Hey, Puffy.." Niki looked faintly embarassing. "About earlier.."

"What about earlier?" She said, then automatically said the next part. "It wasn't your fault, okay? It's just a natural thing you experience because you went through an ongoing traumatic event."

Niki nodded. "Yeah, I know-" She didn't sound convinced. "But you deserve to know why it happened."

 

" Niki, you don't have to-" Puffy started, but Niki put her hand up.

 

"No, I want to." Niki said, then sighed shakily, glancing over at the Syndicate. They were all chatting, although even after hours of trying, Ranboo was still stuck in the baby seat.

 

She took a shaky breath. "Before, during Techno's stay in Prison.." When I was tortured, Puffy knew Niki was saying. "Quackity used to wake me up saying that, and it'd always be followed by pain. It happened every day, multiple times because I got tired of screaming." She looked down. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

 

Puffy huffed. "I'm a therapist, Niki. It's my job to deal with this kinda shit. And I'm also your girlfriend." She winked, revelling in the way Niki's face coloured. "Ya ain't getting rid of me that easily."

Niki grinned and opened her mouth – probably to either say some sneaky innapropriate joke or a snarky response – when Ranboo called over.

 

"Nikiiii." He whined. "Please help me out, they're bullying me."

Niki rolled her eyes fondly, getting up and giving Puffy a look that said, Boys, before walking over to help Ranboo. Puffy smiled while Niki was looking, but couldn't help but gaze sadly. Quackity had affected them all in more ways than one, though none more than Niki.

 

She wished she could turn back time to when Niki had looked like a traumatized individual, not a prisoner of war.

Chapter 2: hunger

Chapter Text

" Niki.." Puffy sighed, and pushed the plate full of food towards the pink-haired girl in question. "You've gotta eat, get that food in your system."

 

"I don't wanna eat.." She mumbled. "'m not hungry."

"I can't just keep giving you chocolate." Puffy told her. "It's not healthy. Please just eat."

Niki hesitantly picked up the fork. She barely even glanced at the food, and when she did, she winced, drawing her knees up to her chin.

 

"I don't know why I don't want to eat." Niki complained, sounding frustrated. "Any time I look at it, I just want to throw up, and I don't even know why!" She made a frustrated sound, swishing her tail. She glanced apologetically at Puffy. "Sorry.."

Puffy sighed. They had been over this a hundred times before, but it was clear Quackity had left a mark on her. Any time they showed the smallest sign of anger that Niki wasn't 100% sure wasn't directed at her, she would apologize then brush past it, quickly going on to rant about cakes and batter mixtures and whatnot.

 

"It's not your fault." Puffy told her. "I just want you to eat. Please?"

Niki whined. "But I don't wanna eat.." She huffed. "I don't think I could if I wanted to."

"I know it's hard, Niki." Puffy said. "Believe me, I've looked at food I just do not want to consume, even if it was just like, a sandwich or something." She allowed herself a wry chuckle.

 

Niki slumped back. "I know, Puffy." She whined. She sounded close to crying. "I know, and I know I should eat it, and I know I should want to eat it, but I don't, and I don't understand why." She gave a small, broken chuckle. "I'm fucked up, aren't I?"

Puffy said nothing. She hated when Niki got like this, like she thought nothing would go right with her. She saw it with Dream sometimes, although he seemed to be getting better, and Sam had started giving him therapy. Heck, even Tommy had talked to him casually through bars under the heavily watchful eye of her and Sam. They were on their way to becoming friends again, thought it would be very tentatively. They would never become real friends, not after everything.. but they could get somewhere.

 

Niki laughed, bringing Puffy out of her thoughts.

 

Her eyes were wide and slightly.. Puffy didn't like saying this, but her eyes had a slightly unhinged look to her.

 

"And I can hear him!" Niki laughed. "Wilbur, he's here! He's telling me things, Puffy." She whistled. "Lots of things. He tells me I've fallen from grace, how pathetic I am." She wiped her eyes, and Puffy realized with a jolt that she was crying. "God, I really am pathetic, aren't I?"

"Niki, no!" She surged forwards, and gave Niki a hug. Niki immediately stiffened, and Puffy realized her mistake and backed away. "Shit, sorry, Niki. I didn't mean to hug you.." She thought of a long list of cuss words to say to Quackity if she ever saw him again for ruining hugs for Niki. She grabbed the girl's hands.

 

"Niki, you don't have to listen to him." Puffy told her. "You can live your life, you don't have to listen to him forever, I promise. Just please, I'm here, and you don't have to listen to me, but you can do what you want without him criticising you, I swear. Please, Niki."

 

Niki looked like a cornered animal, her eyes heavily conflicted. Eventually, though she ducked her head. "I think you should go."

Puffy's eyes widened. "Niki-"

 

"Just go!" She yelled, her eyes flashing dangerously. "I don't want.." She inhaled shakily, starting to cry more. "Please, just go, Puffy."

"Niki, I'm not-"

"Go away, go away, go away-" Niki held her hands over her ears, and at this point, Puffy didn't know who she was talking to. Her, or Wilbur. "Go away, go away, go away, go away-"

Puffy sighed and got up. "Eat when you feel like it." She told her. Niki stopped, taking a trembling breath.

 

"Go." She whispered. Puffy sighed and walked out the room, closing the door behind her.

 

She tightened her grip on her axe. Why couldn't things be simple?

 

She just wanted to help.

Chapter 3: auntie niki, uncle tommy

Notes:

we haven't had ANY michael + niki interaction SO IM CHANGING THAT FUCK YOU CANON

also this was my first time writing michael!! :D tell me if i made justice on his character lmao

Chapter Text

Puffy came in halfway through Ranboo's breakfast, a panicked and urgent look on her face and announced the worst thing possible.

 

"Niki's missing!"

Techno had immediately jumped up from his seat, the scraping of the chair making Ranboo wince.

 

"What." Techno had said, taking a menacing step forwards. Puffy backed away nervously.

 

"I-I don't know!" She said, looking more scared for Niki than for herself, and maybe there was guilt there, too. "I don't- it's just.. we sort of had an argument."

Phil got up too, seething. "You what?!"

Puffy flinched. "A sort of argument, I meant. It's- just-" She was looking more ashamed by the second. "She wasn't eating and she told me she could hear Wilbur, and then she told me to go away and- and I did-" She swore under her breath. "Fuck, I should've stayed, I should've-"

"Hey, hey." Techno said. "We'll find her." He said, with an air of finality. "Ranboo, go to your place. If this is one of Quackity's accomplices, I don't want you anywhere near him."

 

"But-!" Ranboo tried to reply, but he got two withering looks from his closest friends and gulped. "Okay yeah I'll stay home with Tubbo and Michael sure no problem."

They started discussing plans, which Ranboo recognized as his cue to go. He sighed, got up, and picked up his things. He drew it out in hopes that they would say, 'y'know what Ranboo, stay here', but nope. Eventually, he left, a quick goodbye that was ignored.

 

He sighed as he walked towards his house, then smiled faintly. At least he would have Tubbo and Michael there.

 

When he got home, however, he found a note that said in what Ranboo recognized as Tubbo's writing, heya sexy ;) me and toms are giong out to get sum wood for an inclsure for Shroud, tommy's pet so dont be worried if we're not there. Love, 'bo

 

Ranboo sighed fondly, then brought out his communicator. He hesitated, though. He didn't want to tell them Niki was missing, he didn't want to worry them, and after about a minute of careful consideration, Ranboo messaged them both.

 

You whisper to Tubbo_: hey could you come home?? i wanna watch the office

 

You whisper to TommyInnit: tommy wanna come watch the office w me and tubbo?

 

He considered adding a smiley face to their messages, but ended up vetoeing the idea. After Tommy's.. experience, it probably wasn't smart.

 

After he got two quick replies, he decided to go visit Michael. He hadn't seen the piglin in.. God, two, three weeks? Something like that. With everything about Techno in prison, then Quackity, then helping Tubbo and Tommy gather materials, he'd forgotten about his son.

 

He got up the stairs, only to hear a voice. He tensed, knuckles whitening on his axe. If someone was up there with Michael... somebody bad... oh, they were gonna pay.

 

Tentatively, he climbed up the ladder, as quietly as possible, and turned around, prepared to fight, only to freeze in place.

 

Pink hair with a bright white highlight was the first thing he registered. Then his brain rebooted and he realized it was Niki.

 

She was playing with Michael, gently cooing at him, and he was making excited little piglin grunts in return.

 

"You like my ring?" She was showing him her newly instated Promise Ring, and Puffy had a matching one now, as well. Michael reached towards it, making grabby hands, but Niki pulled her hand away, giggling. "I'm afraid you can't have that, it's very important to me." She booped him on the snout, and he huffed, blinking. She giggled again, and he gave a few squeals that sounded suspiciously like giggles, too. "I do have..." She reached in her pocket and brought out a small gold bracelet. It looked rough by the edges, ever-so slightly burnt. Probably from the nether, then. "This!"

 

He gurgled and reached for it. Niki giggled and handed it to him.

 

"Oh, you like that, yeah?" She smiled at him. Her tail swished behind her. "Well, it's yours now."

Suddenly Michael sniffed the air, one of his ears pricked up, and swivelled round, then beamed. Well, as much as a zombie piglin could beam, anyways.

 

"Papa!" He yelled. Still firmly holding onto the bracelet, he raced towards Ranboo.

 

Ranboo smiled down at him. "Hey, buddy!" He said, and scooped him up. Michael did a piglin grunt and showed him the bracelet, clearly pleased. "Oh, that's pretty! Where'd you get it?"

With another small grunt, Michael pointed at Niki, who waved hesitantly.

 

"Oh.." He said, "You got it from Auntie Niki!" Niki's eyes widened and she smiled self-consciously.

 

And with that, Michael promptly started chewing on the bracelet, obviously pleased with himself. Ranboo chuckled faintly, then turned to Niki.

 

"Where were you?" He said, then winced at the accusatory tone. "Sorry, didn't mean to use that tone."

"I... just needed a breather." She said, rubbing the back of her neck. "After everything.. I couldn't handle it."

 

Ranboo nodded. He could get that. He just.. wished Niki had told them. He huffed. "Well, I'm gonna tell the Syndicate, because they're worried out of their minds right now."

Her eyes widened. "Sh-" Remembering Michael was there, she quickly changed tack. "Sugar! I forgot to leave a message... sugar.."

 

Ranboo rolled his eyes, then brought out his communicator. Michael made an excited squeal and made grabby hands towards it. Ranboo placed Michael onto the floor so both his hands were free, and Michael proceeded to sit by his feet, staring longingly at the communicator.

 

You whisper to Technoblade: niki's okay she's at mine

 

You whisper to Ph1lza: niki's okay she's at mine

 

You whisper to CaptainPuffy: niki's okay she's at mine

 

CaptainPuffy whispers to you: Thank fuck

 

Technoblade whispers to you: thank prime

 

Ph1lza whispers to you: tell her she's a bitch for making us worry

 

Ph1lza whispers to you: THATS A JOKE BTW. PLS DONT

 

You whisper to Ph1lza: dont worry i wont

 

Ranboo chuckled and put the communicator back in his pocket. Michael did a dissapointed grunt and trotted over to Niki, who chuckled and knelt down again to pat his head, taking care not to touch the undead side. With a jolt, Ranboo realized that technically they were both undeads.

 

Niki seemed to take no notice. She picked Michael up and placed him on her lap, then tickled him. Giggle-like squeals came out of him, and she laughed right along with him.

 

Ranboo couldn't help but smile at the scene. There she was, his basically sister, playing with her basically nephew. It was... sweet. Nice. Simple.

 

I swear on my three lives I will not let anything happen to you both, he swore to himself, watching Niki bounce Michael on her knee, who let out peals of delighted squeals.

 

He grabbed his communicator, Michael for once taking no notice. He had a good feeling about that night, and messaged Tubbo.

 

You whisper to Tubbo_: hey

 

Tubbo_ whispers to you: Hey sexy ;)

 

You whisper to Tubbo_: niki's gonna join us tonight :D

 

Tubbo_ whispers to you: oh pog

 

You whisper to Tubbo_: could you relay to tommy the message? im watching michael rn

 

Tubbo_ whispers to you: k

 

"Hey, Niki's joining us for The Office tonight." Tubbo told Tommy as they walked back, already a third of the way there because they left early.

 

"She's what?" Tommy asked, tense for a moment, before a genuine smile made its way onto his face. "Oh, that's cool. Will Michael watch with us?"

Tubbo shrugged. "Probably."

 

"Pog." Tommy said. "I am the best uncle in the world. I can't wait to meet my nephew again."

"He's not technically your nephew." Tubbo pointed out.


Tommy pouted. "Let me have this, Tubbo."

Tubbo smiled. He was glad he was able to have some semblance of normalcy. Then he smiled even more so after remembering Niki was going to watch with them. She was getting better.

 

This was good.