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His blue eyes were wide and full of curiosity, though his face was often scrunched up with a look of deep disappointment. He was a small boy with dreams of seeing the world, but he specifically wanted to see the oceans of the world. But Armin wasn’t allowed. He had never left the safety of his rural town in the German countryside. There was a good reason for this, but the little boy hardly cared.
The furthest he had ever been from home was to visit the hospital a couple towns over. But that was hardly an adventure. He visited the hospital so frequently, and knew the route so well that the thrill of leaving his town for a couple hours was completely lost to him. He had spent far more time at that hospital than he had ever wished to.
Armin had been born there. He was a little small, but everything seemed good in the world. But it quickly became apparent that he was a sickly child. His pulse was fast and weak, his skin was tinted blue. Armin Arlert was only nine days old when he had his first open heart surgery. Diagnosed with a severe heart defect, two more surgeries would follow. He was six months old when he received his second surgery, and three years old when the final operation was performed. Between the many surgeries, exhausting recovery times, monthly check ups and the occasional health crisis, Armin felt as if half of his life had been spent wasting away within those cold walls. And honestly, it wasn’t much of an exaggeration.
He longed for the day where he could visit his grandfather in Berlin. He longed for the day where he could walk along the ocean and explore the tide. Every night he would look at himself in the mirror and wonder when the dark scar that ran across his sternum would finally fade and he could run and play with other children and explore the world.
But that day never came. All the pain he had experienced from those surgeries didn’t cure him. His heart was still weak, he was still weak.
Armin was smaller and slower than the other children, though he excelled in the brains department. The child was incredibly talented and had even managed to skip a grade despite the time he had taken off from school to visit that dreaded hospital.
The only good thing about being sick was that he could have anything he desired with little backlash. Adults loved to pity ill children. The first thing he asked for during one of his routine checkups was a storybook, then another one after that. Armin would receive a new book every hospital trip. He would even receive an additional book if the news was bad. Armin’s grandfather would especially spoil him and began to bring large portions of his personal connection whenever he came down to visit his beloved grandson from Berlin. The blond haired child would devour books like no one else. Within these books was where he discovered his love and fascination for the ocean. The moment he read about how the moon controlled the tide and about all the different species that called the ocean their home, his eyes seemed to sparkle. Armin was nine years old when he decided he was going to be a marine biologist. He wanted to see the ocean more than anything.
But he wasn’t getting his hopes up. Armin was smart, he understood what the doctors told him and he could feel it for himself. By the time he was ten years old it had become increasingly difficult to engage in physical activity. Though he had been prohibited from running and intense exercise for as long as he could remember, walking and exploring was always encouraged. But lately his body felt heavy. He felt as if weights had been tied to his limbs and strapped to his chest. His heart would flutter, spots would appear in his vision and Armin would have to rest if he wished not to faint. That, along with receiving two new novels instead of one at his latest doctor’s appointment told him that something was wrong.
He could hear his parents sobbing at night as he wandered to the kitchen for a glass of water. Through the cracked door of their bedroom he could see the large frame of his father comforting his mother as they both wept. Breakfast and dinner had grown from a loud, fun occasion where the three talked about their day and Armin recited facts about the ocean, to a silent, somber one. The clinging of silverware and dishes echoed in Armin’s ears. His parents were mourning someone who wasn’t even dead. His parents couldn’t even stand to look at him at times. They couldn’t even look at each other. Armin had the same big blue eyes as his father. He had the same petite frame, soft blond hair, button nose and full eyebrows as his mother. In each other his parents saw him, their dying son.
The silence persisted for months. No song was sung on his eleventh birthday. Soon Armin came to understand that he was not the dead one, instead it was his parents. It made sense. How could one survive losing their child? His illness was taking everything out of them.
He began to hide away. His books comforted him. He never complained about the frequent bullying at school to his parents, but would instead call his grandfather. The man would cheer him up right away with the promise of new books and more importantly: an eventual visit on the first of the new month.
Armin counted down the days until his grandfather's visit. Ten more days. That meant twenty more meals of silence, eight more days of school, and one doctor’s visit. He walked through those days with a small smile on his face. He smiled to himself even when the bullies cornered and punched him after class. He smiled to himself throughout those awkward meals. He even smiled to himself on the way to the hospital, though he did not smile during the visit. Apart from the kind nurse who always tried to cheer children up, no one smiled.
Though he had always known it, the first time he had heard he was terminally ill and would not survive into adulthood without a transplant was that day. The small boy watched with tired, blank eyes as his mother fell to the floor with a scream, holding her face in her hands as she sobbed. Armin felt numb to it all. Once the doctors and his father had consoled his mother, the group walked back to the car in silence. Armin didn’t let out a world until they arrived at the bookstore. His father handed him a large bill. Armin, always being mindful of his manners, thanked him quietly.
He walked inside the store by himself, the pleasant smell of new and old books enveloped his senses, glancing down at the bill in his hands he began to wander the halls. He walked around for twenty minutes before exhaustion took over him. It wasn’t until he sat down to rest for a moment that he noticed his eyes had been stinging. He had been crying. The blond hugged his knees as he waited for his chest to stop burning, for the weights to be removed from his limbs, for the scared thoughts to go away. He didn’t want to die. He had never gotten to stay with his grandfather in Berlin. He had never gotten to see the ocean. Armin wept.
Armin returned to the car with puffy eyes, five books and no change for his father. The ride home was silent.
The final day of school and the final two meals arrived the next day. School had been okay. Armin had gotten his final report card of the school year. It was straight A’s. He had also been bullied by a group of three boys. They prayed on his weakness, calling him names before giving him a bloody nose and a busted lip. Drops of blood marked his path from school to home and soiled his blue sweater. His parents didn’t even notice.
Despite the aching in his face, Armin went to bed with a small smile. His grandfather would be arriving the next morning.

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The doorbell rang at 7:00am. Armin, despite his better judgement, rushed to the door, breathing quickly once he arrived and opened it. “Grandpa!” He beamed, wrapping his arms around the old man, almost knocking him over in the process.
“Hello!” The man let out a boisterous laugh, smiling down at his small grandson before removing the hat he wore and placing it on Armin’s blond head. He began to walk inside, carrying a small suitcase on one side and a tote bag filled to the brim with books on the other. He walked inside, setting down his belongings on the kitchen table. “Now, where is my son and my daughter in law?” He called, grinning as he watched his large son emerge from the bedroom. The younger man looked tired, his eyes were sunken in and face red from crying. “Hello son,” The man greeted.
Armin watched as the father and son embraced as he sat at the table and began to explore the books his grandfather had brought for him, rubbing his sore, swollen lip with the tip of his finger.
Armin’s mother emerged next. Despite already being a small woman, had grown thinner over the previous months. She looked exhausted and utterly devastated, but yet she was still almost pretty in a way. He glanced as his mother hugged her father in law tightly, grasping onto him for a minute longer than Armin had expected. “Hello Johanna,” he watched his grandfather greet his mouth. The thin woman clung to him tightly.
“Hello Friedrich,” she spoke, her voice raspy from crying.
His eyes fell back to the new book. He was immediately sucked in.
The book told the story of King Arthur, The Knights of the Round Table and The Holy Grail. It was dark and gothic. It made Armin wonder if such a thing existed. A chalice or a place that could provide happiness and eternal life. Maybe if he found it his parents would be happy? Maybe if he found it he would be able to live and see the ocean. But he doubted that. It was all just a story. He glanced up when he felt his grandfather's hand on his shoulder.
“Are you enjoying the new book, Armin?” The man asked with a smile. He pulled up a seat beside the boy, leaning close to him and glancing over at the page Armin had flipped open. Within the short conversation he had with the blond’s parents, Armin had already read nearly forty pages. “Le Morte d’Arthur has really sucked you in, hasn’t it? I read it when I was about your age. My mother was French and she gave me her copy.” He commented, remembering the memories of speaking French with his mother with a fond smile. He turned to look over at his grandson, gasping lightly when he saw the bruise and cut on Armin’s nose and his busted lip along with a few other bruises were fading from his skin. “Did those bullies hit you again?” The man questioned, frowning and reaching out to touch the boy’s soft hair in a comforting gesture.
Armin smiled and nodded his head. He wasn’t used to anyone speaking to him in person, so he had grown quiet and shy. Armin looked up at his grandfather, his eyes were sad but still full with hope and curiosity. He wrapped his arms around the man and sighed.
“I’m glad you’re here.” He whispered in a small, gentle voice.
Breakfast soon began. Armin read with his grandfather until his mother had finished preparations.
For the first time in months, a meal wasn’t quiet. Armin spoke with his grandfather about stories he had read and about the ocean. Once he got into the flow of things, the boy could really babble. “Le Morte d’Arthur means The Death of Arthur, right grandpa?” The blonde asked, clenching the storybook with one hand and his fork with the other.
“Yes it does!” The elderly man smiled fondly “Do you know French, Armin?” He asked.
“A little bit! We learn a language at school. I chose French and I got an A!” Armin beamed, looking down at the book before turning to his grandpa and smiling.
“I still have my French copy in Berlin.” The man smiled, “Would you like it?” He offered.
Armin beamed and nodded quickly, his eyes shining brightly. He began to giggle to himself, glancing down at the cover of the book. “Have you ever noticed how in old books they tell you who dies right at the beginning?” He observed with a small laugh. “Like in Romeo and Juliet! Shakespeare immediately says that Romeo and Juliet will kill themselves at the end. And here the title says that Arthur dies! Why do they do that?” Armin laughed lightly, smiling at his grandfather's kind expression as they continued to speak and eat.
The breakfast of flapjacks and bacon was finished within thirty minutes. Despite the change in audio, Armin hadn’t failed to notice his parents' silent demeanor. They still hadn’t said a word, and they had both hardly eaten. It left the room feeling just as somber as it usually did. His parents moved around the house like zombies, unaware of the presence of two living beings behind them. It made Armin sad. They hadn’t even asked about the bruises on his face or the grades he had gotten on his report card.
So instead he spent the rest of the day with his grandfather. He showed him the rewards he had been given in the past months and all the books he had read. Armin had two bookshelves in his room that had been filled to the brim. A tower of stacked books stood adjacent to both of them. There had been years worth of books he had been given after doctor’s visits, books that had been gifted to him by his grandfather and other caring adults. He had received nothing but books for the past few birthdays. Armin’s face was full of pride as he told his grandpa about his favorite stories and fun facts about ocean currents, whales and everything else marine biology related.
Dinner came and went, the room filled with the conversation of Armin and his grandpa. The two ended the night by watching a movie together before Armin finished Le Morte d’Arthur.
The next day was rainy and gray. Armin joined his family for breakfast. He was sleepy and had nothing to say. The room filled with that familiar nothingness. No eyes that looked down at the intelligent Armin with pride. No laughter, no talking.
Armin felt drained after breakfast and went to lay down for a nap. When he woke, he made his way to the kitchen and saw a note posted on the fridge. He recognized his grandfather's familiar handwriting immediately. The note explained how he and the boy's parents were going out a few towns over to visit Armin’s cardiologist. The note ended with the promise of a book and a treat when they arrived home.
Armin put on his rain boots and coat and went outside for a while, wandering around a local park and watching as kids played in the puddles and ran about. He wished he could join them, but he knew he couldn’t. At eleven he was about the size of an eight year old. He could hardly stand to walk at times, so running was certainly not a possibility. So instead, Armin felt content staring into a small pond filled with little tadpoles. He went home an hour later and read the rest of the day. It was nearing dinner time when his family finally arrived home. Everyone had a melancholy look on their face. It seemed to match the weather outside perfectly.
The group ate leftovers in silence, though Armin just picked at his meal. He felt sick. He felt sad. Why wouldn’t they acknowledge him? Tears threatened to spill from his eyes as he stared down at his lap, waiting for dinner to end so he could just enjoy the rest of the evening with his grandfather. His best friend. Armin was about to excuse himself before he jumped. His grandad had slammed his fist against the table. Everyone’s eyes shot up.
“This is ridiculous!” The old man shouted, staring daggers into his son and daughter in law. “Why don’t you look at him! Why don’t you speak to him!” His voice was full with an anger Armin had never seen before. The blond looked up at his parents, they were still not looking at him despite his grandfather’s pleas. This sent Armin over the edge. The boy began to cry. He was scared, he didn’t want to die, but his mom and dad had hardly comforted him. They didn’t even ask how he felt after the news they had received days before. “Look at him!” He yelled. “Look at Armin! Look at my grandson! Do you not see that he is just as scared as you two are?” Those eyes that were full of rage softened at the sight of his small grandchild crying. “Your child is dying.” His voice was strong, yet it wavered slightly. He too was heartbroken.
“Don’t say that!” His mother shrieked, sobbing hard into her hands, shaking her head violently.
“Your child is dying!” Friedrich’s voice returned back to a yell. “And you two just sit there! He needs your love! He needs your attention! Don’t you want the rest of his life to be good? Don’t you want him to be happy?” The elderly man’s eyes shot back to Armin’s father. “Otto, look at your son!” He begged. The demand of his own father must’ve gotten to him, because without hesitation his eyes met Armin’s.
The man stared into his son’s eyes. They were carbon copies of his own. Big and kind and full with curiosity. Those eyes, much like his own, were also filled with fear. His son was still there. He was still breathing. He still cried and he still bled. Armin was not dead yet. Otto grasped at his wife's shoulder. “Johanna,” he whimpered. “Look at our boy.”
With those words she forced herself to look up. Her eyes were blurry with tears but she could still see him. She could see those big eyes and golden blond hair. She could see his button nose and full eyebrows. She could also see the bruises that littered his face that she had failed to notice before. “M-My son..” Johanna cried. The woman stood up and rushed to the opposite side of the table where she pulled him close, holding his head against her breast and sobbing. “I-I don’t want to lose you.” The blonde wept.
Armin began to sob as he watched his parents look over to him. They had finally acknowledged him. As his mother walked over his sobs only grew heavier. He reached out and hugged her tight, crying against her chest. His dad followed his mother. Armin almost felt squished as his father clinged to him. They remained the group hug for nearly ten minutes, his parents cried and apologized for their actions. Though Armin knew it was going to take a while to forgive them, he accepted them nonetheless.
His mother refused to let him go. She held him for hours until he fell asleep in her arms. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep as well, clinging her baby close to her. He was still there. She could still hold him. It was the most sobering feeling

Chapter Text

He woke up in the comfort of his own bed, though he still felt as if his mothers warm arms were wrapped around him. He rubbed his eyes, sitting up and glancing down to see that he had been dressed in warm pajamas. The smell of bacon wafted from the kitchen and the patter of rain on the roof above had seemed to stop. Armin pulled himself up, glancing outside his window and seeing a sunny, blue sky in front of him. Birds sang their morning songs in the distance. He couldn’t help but smile. Armin grabbed a book as he padded to the kitchen, sitting down quietly at the table as he glanced at his parents cooking. He almost flinched when he heard the voice of his mother.

“How are you feeling this morning, Armin?” She questioned, smiling back at him. Armin looked up from his book, removing the bookmark from his previous spot and marking his place in the book.
“I’m okay.” He spoke, watching his mother smile in response, handing him a glass of apple juice and dropping the five pills he took in the morning into his small palm. Usually they were kept in a pill box on the table, but it felt a lot better to have his mother hand them to him. It meant that she cared. He glanced down at his palm, making sure all the medication was there before he swallowed each one. His grandfather walked into the room a bit later once breakfast was nearly done cooking. He sat besides Armin and patted the boys back, asking about his new book with a warm smile on his face.

They spoke until breakfast was served. The food tasted exceptionally better than it had in the past several months. The best part was that his parents began to speak to him.
“Your grandfather tells us you got amazing grades again.” His mother spoke, her smile was sad and apologetic. Armin beamed up at his mother, nodding and jumping up to grab his report card and the several awards he had tried to show them, only to be ignored. He rolled his eyes at the gentle scolding his mother gave him for running when he came back. Armin handed his report card to his mother with a shy smile, while he handed the several laminated awards to his father. “Oh my..straight A’s again.” Johanna gasped, looking up at her son despite the rock forming in her throat. She reached her hand out to grasp one of Armin’s fragile hands, tears rolling down her face as she smiled at him. “I am so proud of you.” She spoke with a firm, sincere voice.

His father looked up next, handing the rewards to his wife and glancing down at the report card. “I am too, son.” He spoke, smirking at him and handing him an extra slice of bacon.
“Otto!” The woman beside him cried. “Processed food is bad for your heart! Armin’s lucky enough to get a single slice!” She scolded him.
“Look how skinny he is! He’s like you! He needs some meat on his bones!” The man retaliated, frowning at the hand his wife had reached out to Armin. She looked back at her son, gasping when he saw her normally perfectly obedient child eating the bacon.
The room went silent for a moment before she began to laugh, everyone quickly joining in. Armin’s eyes softened, his parents were back. Not to their old selves, they probably never would be, but they were here finally. They no longer hid their pain or fear. It was nice. The entire day was nice.
Armin was allowed to read as much as he wanted, but he often opted for talking to his parents and grandad. He could ramble on about stuff for hours to his grandad without stop, though he felt a little more awkward doing the same around his parents. They watched movies together, played games and went on a walk.

They explored the town. Armin pointed out his favorite areas, including the tadpoles he had visited the previous day. Armin knew more about the history of the town than even his parents, shocking his mother with some of the things he knew. Though his dad grew up in Berlin, his mom had grown up right here in the same house they lived in. The group of four walked for hours until Armin grew silent and began to lag behind.
His head felt warm and tingly. He had a horrible stitch in his side. The blond felt as if his lungs were on fire and he became increasingly fond of the idea of taking a nap. But his father scooped him up before he had time to faint.

The day fell into a bittersweet mood following that. Armin was laid on the couch in the living room, his eyes lidded half way as he watched his mom take his pulse and glance down at him with fear in her eyes. The boy drifted into a world of unconsciousness soon after.
He woke up a few hours later and glanced out the window once again, waving to his mother who sat in a rocking chair, sewing him a new blue sweater. She must’ve finally seen his other one that had been soiled with blood. He walked over to her and kissed her cheek, thanking her and complimenting her skill before he began to search for his grandpa. He found the old man in his own room, and much to his surprise the man seemed to be placing his books in a cardboard box. Armin pouted and crossed his arms.
“What are you doing?” He stated, staring down at his grandfather with a furrowed brow and a pouted lip.

His grandfather turned to him, shocked to see him in the bedroom. The man let out a small chuckle, standing up and placing his large hand on the boy's narrow shoulder. He began to walk outside the room, pulling Armin with him. The blond stared up in confusion, the angry look still present on his face. He was about to yell at the elderly man and question him about the books before he noticed both of his parents making their way to the kitchen table. It wasn’t even dinner time yet. His granddad glanced down with gentle eyes.
“Armin, we have something all of us need to talk about.” He spoke. Armin felt his pulse pick up at those words, his hands grew clammy as he gulped and nodded, his immediate thought going to the day where he had bought five books instead of two. But when he reached the table and sat down, the weak smile on his mom and dad’s faces assured him it was not about that. He wasn’t in trouble.
“Armin,” His father was the first one to speak. “First, your mother and I would like to apologize for our behavior.” The voice of Otto was deep, slightly intimidating at first but comforting and nice once one became familiar with it. “You see son, we are scared.” Tears filled those big blue eyes. “You’ve known that you’ve been getting worse for a while now, haven’t you?” He asked. Armin noticed that his parents' hands were clenched tightly together.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “I haven’t been able to walk as long for a while now. A-And sometimes- a lot of the time my heart beats weird and makes me dizzy. I’ve even fainted at school a couple times.” He admitted.
His parents nodded, their faces pained but also full of love. “We know.” They spoke in unison. “Do you remember what the doctor told us on Thursday?” The yellow haired woman spoke. Armin nodded.
“Yes. He told me I’m going to die.”
“Yes..” she spoke, biting her lip and trying to find words. She didn’t know how to talk to such a smart boy. She often feared that she would talk down to him, or maybe not explain stuff well enough. Plus it was just hard to speak to her son. She felt a fear of getting attached to him. Johanna was already crazy about him, but she grew to love her son more and more each day. She worried that she too would die when or if Armin did. Her heart would simply break and she wouldn’t be able to keep on living.
Friedrich noticed her struggle for words and smiled gently at her, turning to his grandson. “That is unless you get a transplant.” He explained. He saw in Armin’s eyes that he understood. “Your parents and I have been talking a lot, Armin. We even spoke to your doctor.” He placed his hand on Armin’s, a look of genuine happiness appearing on his face. “There is a doctor in Berlin. He might be able to help you.”
Armin’s eyes widened, though his brows furrowed in confusion. He glanced at each and every one of the adults at the table. Otto, his father, a short, stout man with big blue eyes and callused hands from working long hours as a mechanic. Johanna, his mother, the woman he had inherited most of his features from. A woman who loved to invent and had five patents in her name. Finally, Friedrich, his paternal grandfather. The man who had named him, the man that had given him his passion for books and learning.
“D-Does that mean I might be able to live?” He whispered.
He didn’t look away from his grandfather as he heard his mother burst into tears. Instead he just stared, waiting for a response.
“We hope so.” His grandfather smiled “You’ll have more care in Berlin than you do down here. The doctor you’ve been recommended to has to be one of the greatest cardiologists in Germany. He also happens to be my neighbor, so we’ll have a safety net at home in case something happens.” He explained.
Armin stared, dumbfounded. He not only was going to see the best cardiologist in the country, he was also finally getting to see a different part of the world. “I’ll live with you? I-In Berlin?” He stuttered, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. His heart thumped against his chest so quickly he was certain he would faint, but he somehow still managed to stay awake, scanning everyone’s nodding heads.
“Yes Armin.” His grandfather smiled “And even if you decide you don’t want to stay, we still have an appointment with the doctor next week. You’ll be coming back to Berlin with me for at least a month- unless you decide to move in.”
“I want to move in!” Armin cried, wrapping his arms around the old man. He hugged for a while until he glanced at his parents, his expression softening and growing a bit sad. “W-what about you guys?” He whispered, watching as their faces grew sad.
“Oh, baby, we'll visit you every summer.” His mother promised. “We’ll also make sure to come down if you are ever sick in the hospital.” She spoke, smiling at her husband. He nodded.
“We want you to have the best chance in life, son, and Berlin is that place. You’ll be going to school there. Maybe one day your grandfather can take you to the beach like you’ve always wanted.” He smiled.
Armin’s eyes lit up, nodding his head quickly. He was going to Berlin. There he would get better. Armin was determined to see the ocean

Chapter Text

Armin sat in the passenger's seat of his grandfather's car. His golden hair blew in all directions as he stuck his arm outside of the window, he let his arm go limp and dance along with the wind. His ocean blue eyes were wide with curiosity and excitement. His heart pounded in his chest, causing a warm tingle in his head and body.
The boy had lived in Germany his entire life, but due to his family's rural location, he had never experienced the excitement of driving on the autobahn. With only the occasional speed limit here and there, it felt as if the sky was the limit. It took everything inside his small body to not stick his head out the window like an excited dog. Instead he just watched his arm, inhaled the air and smiled wildly to himself.
“Go faster!” Armin cried, his voice hardly audible over the chugging of the wind.
He glanced over as he heard the hardy laugh of his gray haired grandfather and felt a gentle hand on his wrist. Armin let out a small gasp as the window began to roll up. He quickly pulled his arm inside the vehicle, pouting over at the elderly man. “Aww cmon! I was having fun!” The child pouted, looking down as he felt two of his grandfather's fingers press firmly against his wrist along the radial artery.
“Too much fun.” His grandfather cautioned, placing his hand back on the steering wheel and letting out another hardy laugh. “My car doesn’t go much faster than this anyways.” The man spoke with a grin.
Armin let out an exasperated sigh, letting his body fall back and slump against the car seat. With a pout on his face he pressed his fingers against the pulse point on his neck, feeling the quick beat of his heart beneath his finger tips. “You’re right..” he admitted with a grumble, turning to look out the window once more. The city was still far out of sight, but his grandfather had assured him they would be there soon. Armin was a patient and polite boy, but even he was growing irritated by the long drive. It had been nearly four hours since Armin had said a tearful goodbye to his parents and left his childhood home. The trip so far had been fun. Though Armin was hesitant about the idea of moving so far away from his parents, he grew more enthusiastic everyday. The blond’s favorite person in the world was his grandfather, and the idea of living with him put a smile on his face. The old man had given him his name and had been there for every hardship. Every single time Armin had been admitted to the hospital, his grandfather had driven eight hours down to see him with a bag full of books in tow. That fact made Armin’s smile whenever he thought about it.

The blue eyed boy was finally allowed to roll down the windows once the capital city was in sight. Armin gasped and breathed in the air. He cringed for a moment. It didn’t smell nearly as good as the air back home, which made sense given the size of the city. There were much more cars and people in Berlin than there were back at home. The buildings looked updated, but a few still had the classic Central European look to them. The sun was slowly setting on the city, making the water of the tributary glow and reflect the hues of orange, pink and purple. He excitedly pointed out landmarks, knowing (but not caring) that his grandfather was perfectly familiar with them. He exclaimed as he saw the television tower, but his eyes quickly widened and jaw slackened in awe of the beauty of the city’s cathedral. Armin had learned through his grandfather's books that the cathedral had been there since the 15th century and had been rebuilt several times. The blond loved history and felt himself grow more and more excited about the prospect of his new life in Berlin. The child began to ramble about visiting museums and historical buildings, begging the man beside him to take him to one the following day.
“Armin, son, calm down.” His grandfather spoke, a hint of amusement evident in his calm tone. “Remember what we’re doing tomorrow?” He looked over at his grandson for a moment before turning his eyes back to the road.

Armin pursed his lips together, letting out a soft, disappointed sigh. “Going to the cardiologist..” he mumbled, furrowing his brows in disappointment.
“Yes.” The elderly man said. “I feel you’ve had enough excitement as Armin, this is a big change. I don’t want you getting anymore ill.” He explained.
Armin’s expression softened as he nodded with understanding. He didn’t want to get sick either. “Okay..” he mumbled. The blond turned his eyes to the window once more, a smile slowly creeping back onto his face as they drove through the neighborhood his grandfather called home. The houses were unlike the ones back home. They were tall and were the host to multiple families. Armin’s grin grew wider as they arrived at his grandfather's home. It was a tall complex that appeared to house three families. Though it was not more than sixty years old, like most structures in the once war torn city, it still held a retro look to it that Armin admired.
Once the car was parked, it took everything inside the small boy to not jump out of the car and run to his new living space. It was getting late, the blond was tired but was desperate to explore. He felt like he would simply explode if he didn’t.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and glanced over to his grandfather, getting out of the car the second the doors were unlocked. He wandered over to the trunk of the car, looking at his grandfather with wide eyes as he clasped his hands together in excitement. The old man sighed, shaking his head and chuckling, ruffling the boy's blond hair and beginning to unload the car. The luggage mostly consisted of Armin’s clothes, school supplies, and the many books the child had collected over the years. Armin began to reach out into the trunk, wanting to help his family member unload the car, but instead his hand faltered and fell to his side. He glanced over at his grandfather, a look of guilt apparent on his face. Armin always wanted to help his parents and grandad with heavy lifting and cleaning around the house, but it was always a strict and firm “no” when he tried.
The gray haired man just smiled at him. “Good boy.” His grandfather spoke, setting the final box of books onto the concrete below before sighing and closing the trunk. He placed his hands on his lower back and stretched out for a moment. Armin winced as he heard an audible crack come from his grandfather’s back, but he quickly grew distracted as he heard the cry of a woman and the opening of a door.

A woman with black hair tied into a low ponytail that was draped over her shoulder emerged from the canary colored building before them. “Oh hello!” She cried, clasping her hands together and running over to the two males. “You’re back already Mr. Arlert! Let me help you!” She smiled gently, picking up one of the many boxes that littered the sidewalk before dropping it with a gasp. Her smile widened as she caught a glimpse of the boy that hid behind her elderly neighbor. “Oh! You must be Armin!” The brown eyed woman spoke, reaching out to shake the small child’s hand.
Armin grasped at his grandpa’s shirt for a moment, hesitant to greet the woman that stood before them. He took a small breath before he finally released the cloth of the shirt and reached out to shake the woman’s hand. “Hi.” He spoke, his voice small and polite.
“Hello, I’m Carla Yeager, nice to meet you.” The woman’s voice was warm and welcoming. “We are so glad to have you here, aren’t we Er-“ The woman released her grip from Armin’s hand and looked over her shoulder. She let out a long sigh, furrowing her brow as she stomped back into the house and let out a yell. “Eren!” She called.
A brown haired boy emerged from the house. His features were strikingly similar to those of his mothers apart from a set of brilliant emerald colored eyes. He was taller than Armin, but from his face he appeared to be close in age. Armin listened to the mother scold her son as they joined them back on the sidewalk. A blush appeared on Carla’s face and she quickly gained composure, that friendly smile appearing right back on her face. “This is my son Eren.” The woman smiled. “He isn’t too much older than you! I’m sure you guys will be great friends. Eren, my husband and I live just below you two. I’m sure Friedrich has already mentioned it, but my husband is going to be your doctor from now on!” She smiled.

Eren observed Armin from a distance at first, embarrassed from being scolded by his mother in front of a stranger. Quickly the brunette wandered over to Armin, a small smile appearing on his face. The blond felt the urge to hide behind his grandpa as the other child walked over to him, but instead he stood firmly, letting the boy approach him and his grandad. “Do you need help unpacking?” The child questioned. His eyes were so green that they were almost intimidating. Armin stood quiet for a minute before he nodded.
“Y-Yes please..I can’t really help much, I’m sorry.” He apologized, gasping as the boy flashed a toothy grin and a thumbs up, picking up a heavy box of books and running inside the home. Carla and Armin’s grandfather followed suit. Once the car was unpacked, Armin finally felt comfortable enough to wander upstairs, glancing into the three hallways that led into the three separate homes of the building. The first small hallway led to a door that read “Ackerman”, the second floor door read “Yeager”, while the third and final floor read “Arlert”.
Armin opened the door to the house, gasping as he walked inside. It was much smaller than his house back home with modern furniture decorating the inside. Despite its size, it was absolutely perfect for a family of two and it could easily suit another person or two as well. Armin wandered through the house, admiring the small, comfortable kitchen and dining room. He walked to the living room, smiling as he looked out the window and seeing a pleasant view of a few more homes and a backyard full of green grass and trees. He walked through the hallway, opening every door. He counted three bedrooms and two baths. As he opened the final door, he finally saw everyone. A group of six conversed inside the boy’s new bedroom. Armin glanced at the newcomers as he huddled close beside his grandfather. The silver haired man smiled.
“Don’t mind Armin, he’s a little shy.” The man explained, smiling down at the boy. “These are the Ackerman’s, our other neighbors.” He smiled. Armin looked up to see a tall man with a kind face and dirty blonde hair standing next to a sweet looking woman with slightly graying hair and lovely dark eyes. He gave a small wave, shaking their hands before glancing over at the final person in the room. She was a girl about his age, standing next to Eren and helping him load a nearby shelf with books.
“This is our daughter, Mikasa.” Her mother chirped. The girl looked around as she heard her name. She spotted Armin and smiled, flashing a dorky smile and waving. She was a lot like Armin in the sense that she had gotten all of her looks from her mother. Her black hair was very beautiful and was nothing like Armin had seen before. It was chopped in a similar fashion to his, though it reached her shoulders and her bangs were longer. She wore a red scarf around her neck, an odd choice considering the heat outside. He walked over to the group of children, watching them stack the books with little purpose. The books were placed out of order, without theme or genre, but Armin didn’t mind. He could always fix it later and he appreciated the gesture. Soon the adults left the room, giving Armin enough space to begin unpacking his things. He was surprised to see the two other children not leave and instead continue to help him, asking where he wanted heavy stuff to be placed. In no time, everything had been set up. Armin felt pretty useless, considering the two others had done almost everything for him and didn’t tire quickly.

“It’s going to be so nice to have another kid here.” Mikasa spoke, her calm demeanor relaxing Armin’s nerves immediately.
“Yeah!” Eren agreed, placing a hand on Armin’s shoulder. “Goldielocks is going to be our new best friend!” He spoke confidently, his voice full of enthusiasm. Eren’s energy seemed to balance Mikasa’s calmness and Armin’s shyness perfectly.
Armin looked at the two with wide eyes, shocked by how quickly they had accepted him. It had to be some kind of joke. He had no friends back home, but within an hour of arriving in a completely new city he had two? It made no sense. Armin frowned a bit and moved to sit down on his bed, looking at the two kids in front of him. “Y-You don’t have to tease me, it’s not nice..” he said.
Eren and Mikasa glanced at each other, looks of confusion on their faces. “Huh? How did we tease you?” Mikasa questioned, sitting next to Armin. The emerald eyed boy crossed his arms and gave a single nod.
“Yeah! What did we do?” He asked.
“Y-You said we were going to be friends. Why would anyone want to be friends with me?” Armin mumbled. “I can’t run around with you guys. I have to sit at home most of the time.”
Eren nodded “I see, you’re insecure and you thought we were lying.” He sat on the other side of Armin, grabbing his hand and grinning. “You have to fight your insecurities, blondie! If you don’t fight, you’ll never be confident! If you’re never confident, you will never be happy!” He lectured.
Armin glanced at him, his worried eyes softening. “You really want to be friends with me?” He mumbled.
“Yes!” Eren and Mikasa shouted in unison.

—————

Despite being glued at the hip from that day forward, Armin started out shy at first, wary of his new friend’s intentions. He was quite content to watch the two twelve year olds play soccer and run around in their backyard as he sat a comfortable distance away in the grass, staring at a book full with pictures of the ocean and all the sea creatures one could imagine. He would occasionally look up and cheer for whoever made a goal (usually Mikasa), but usually his nose was buried within the pages of a book. The most speaking he would do was at lunch when Carla called them inside. The woman would always hold her hands out, confiscating Armin’s book while they ate, citing that meal times were a time for conversation.
Eren usually spoke the most as they ate, complaining about Mikasa’s skill at soccer and how he was never able to make a goal while playing with her. Mikasa would join in, making sly remarks and teasing the hot headed brunette. These would make Carla laugh, but eventually the conversation would go quiet and heads would turn towards Armin. He would blush and mumble compliments on their athletic abilities before he went silent and focused on finishing his meal.

Armin had remained shy and nervous around the two until one day, out of the blue, Eren declared that he was bored of soccer and would never play it again before he marched over to Armin. (Of course Eren would join the soccer team as soon as school started). He sat beside the blond and glanced over at the book he was reading. The green eyed boy gasped, snatching the book from Armin’s hands and looking at it with a big smile. Armin stared at him in shock, a light blush spread across his cheeks as he glanced at Eren. Mikasa sat beside Armin, leaning in to glance at the book as well. The day had been growing cold and the sun was beginning to set.
“So this is what you read all day, blondie?” Eren spoke, placing the book down on the grass so everyone could see it.
Armin’s face continued to heat up, embarrassed that his fascination with the ocean had been discovered. He hardly ever spoke about what he liked with the two out of fear of what they might think about him. If something he liked was mentioned in conversation he would perk up, but the topic of the ocean had never really come up.
He could only imagine what the other two would think of him now that they knew about his passion. They would probably call him a nerd and push him to the ground when he stood. They probably wouldn’t want to be friends with him anymore and become just another set of bullies.
Armin had tried to fight his insecurities like Eren had told him to, but it was hard and he didn’t know how. Armin hugged his knees to his chest, burying his face in his arms. He felt prepared to cry, terrified that his first friends would reject him. That was until the girl beside him reached out her hand and began to flip through the pages of the large book. She smiled, looking at a picture of a blue whale and scanning over a number of facts listed below it.
“An elephant weighs less than a blue whale’s tongue.” She read aloud, placing a hand on Armin’s shoulder and smiling at him. “How cool Armin!” Mikasa chirped.
Armin glanced up, his eyes wide with surprise. He glanced over to Eren, watching the boy flip through the pages and laugh at facts that one could expect a young boy to laugh at.
“Lobsters pee on each other to communicate?!” Eren cried, eyes wet with laughter. Both of his hands went to grasp at Armin’s arm, a wide smile on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He giggled, shaking the small blond slightly “I didn’t know you liked the ocean!” Eren spoke.
Armin blushed, looking down at the book and relaxing as his friends went through it with fascinated looks on their faces. He was quiet at first before he found the courage to speak.
“I-I was worried you’d make fun of me..” The blond stuttered, an embarrassed smile appearing on his face.
“Why would we make fun of you?!” Eren gasped, wrapping his arms around Armin’s smaller frame and grinning. “You’re our friend!” He smiled.
Mikasa quickly wrapped her arms around the two of them, nodding in agreement. “I think it’s really interesting.” She assured Armin.
Armin blushed, glancing at both of them and smiling gently. “Thank you.” He whispered, letting his eyes fall to his book. He began to show the two his favorite pages and facts. It was the first time Armin had talked for longer than a minute. The three friends looked at the book until the sky grew dark and Carla called them inside.

School quickly approached as summer came to a close. It was the final evening before his first day at a new school in a new city. Armin was filled with terror that night. During dinner he sat across from his grandfather, picking at his food. A knot filled his stomach and all he wanted to do was cry. After a full summer of being friends with Eren and Mikasa, he was just starting to trust them. But now school was starting and all Armin could think of was how much he would be bullied. It happened everyday back at home. He was mercilessly teased for his illness and appearance, and on most days he was even beat up. By the time his grandfather had finished his meal, Armin had only picked at his food. Eventually tears began to fall and he grasped onto his grandpa, begging the man to let him stay home. He begged to be homeschooled and even began to lie about his heart, claiming that he would pass out and die if he was made to go to school the next day. In the end, none of his pleas worked on his grandad, and Armin went to bed with an empty stomach and a head full of worry.

The next morning his grandpa woke him up with a nice breakfast and the promise of a new book if he made it through the day. Armin dressed in a warm sweater (he absolutely hated the cold) and some jeans. He joined Mikasa and Eren outside their home and followed behind them as they walked to school.

The blond stood in front of the school building with terror in his eyes. Fear filled his entire body, making him feel sick to his stomach. Armin clung close to his friends. It took them dragging him inside of the building to get him to finally come in. Other than being smart, skipping a grade and never receiving below a B on a test, Armin had no truly good experiences in school.
He was small and sickly. Though he would be turning twelve in November, he looked very young for his age. He stood much shorter than other boys, and significantly thinner.
What made it worse was that he was girly in appearance. His hair was long for a boy, cut just beneath his ears. It was golden blond, the color that many went to great lengths in the salon to achieve. It was a color that adults loved and gawked over, but a color that children teased and made fun of. His small body and hair paired with big blue eyes and a button nose made children tease him for looking like a girl. His full eyebrows had been the only feature indicative of his sex, and even those had not spared him from bullying.
So when he entered the new school, he immediately feared how others would treat him. Eren and Mikasa stood in front of him and Armin stood close behind. The two pointed out important features in the school and showed him to his locker. He hardly spoke a word during the tour, instead just cowering behind the two and doing his best to keep himself from passing out. His heart thudded in his chest and he felt like crying.
His condition was still incredibly poor. There had been little improvement over the summer, but the introduction of some new medication and stress reduction had helped his quality of life pretty well. Armin still needed frequent rest and was prohibited from doing lots of things, but he found himself able to join in with others with less fear of his body giving out on him.

Armin clung tightly onto Eren’s arm, shaking as he walked. Eren didn’t mind it. He knew that the other was terrified and was happy to help him for the time being, but Armin was smart and he had been put in nearly all of the advanced classes the school offered for their grade. The only class him and his friend shared was home room and PE. Once the bell rang, Eren gave Armin a sympathetic smile and began to walk to home room with him. Before opening the door to the classroom, he pulled Armin off of him and walked inside. Armin followed close behind, reaching out to grab Mikasa’s arm instead but frowning as he watched his friends make their way to their seats. Armin stood near the door, scanning the classroom and feeling his heart sink as he watched kids fill in empty seats, chatting amongst themselves and laughing. He felt utterly lost. Were the seats assigned? Could he just sit anywhere? Would he get laughed at if he sat at the wrong desk? The blond stared down at his feet to prevent himself from sobbing. He clung to his sweater tightly, only looking up when he heard the voice of a woman.

“You must be my new student!” A young woman with hair the color of fall leaves spoke. She smiled and gave him a big smile, leading him in front of the class as the second bell rang.
Armin refused to walk with her at first, but her smile comforted him and he slowly found the courage to move along with her. The woman’s hands wrapped gently around his shoulders, Armin glanced up at her as she began to speak.
“Welcome back, class! Good morning!” She spoke in a sing-song voice.
“Good morning Ms. Ral.” The class called back. Armin glanced at the heads of the students. Two tall boys sat in the back, one big with light blond hair, the other thinner with dark brown hair. A girl with brown hair and freckles sat to the left of another girl with blue eyes and pretty blonde hair, her arm wrapped firmly around the blonde’s shoulder. A brunette sat near the front and was notably the most energetic. She sat munching on a pastry as she waved at her teacher excitedly. As he glanced at the students, he noticed no scowls on their faces. No one, apart from a short girl with light blonde hair who sat in the far back, looked like they wanted to hurt him. In fact, most looked intrigued and excited to meet him. Armin looked back at his teacher, feeling significantly more calm.
She smiled down at him before looking back at the class. “We have a new student with us this year! This is Armin Arlert.” She introduced.
“Hi Armin!” The class called back. The girl eating in the front was the loudest, followed closely by Eren.
“Now class, Armin was born with a heart condition that makes him really sick.” She explained. “So I expect all of you to treat him well and be gentle with him.” Her tone was firm yet kind. “Even though Armin is ill, he is just as smart as the rest of you. In fact, Armin has skipped a grade and is taking all advanced classes this year. I believe he’ll be happy to help you out on any homework you’re having trouble with.” Armin nodded gently, looking up at her as she patted him on the back and pointed out an empty seat beside Eren for him to sit at.

Armin made his way to his seat, blushing lightly as he felt everyone’s eyes on him. They weren’t hateful stares, but they made him feel uncomfortable nonetheless. He gasped as he felt two hands grip his arm firmly. Armin glanced down to see the energetic brunette grasping onto him.
“Hi!” She spoke. “I’m Sasha Braus! Nice to meet you!” The girl spoke with a cheerful demeanor.
He made his way to his seat, glancing at Eren and letting out a sigh of relief. Most of class was spent making introductions.
The two tall boys introduced themselves first. The blond was Reiner Braun, his friend was Bertholdt Hoover. The girl with the freckles introduced herself simply as Ymir, while the pretty girl who was glued to her hip introduced herself as Historia Reiss. A boy with a short gray crew cut named Connie Springer was the only other male student that was shorter than Armin.
The other students consisted of Annie Leonhart, the blonde that scowled in the back (Armin was relieved to hear that he wasn’t the only one scared of her) Mina Carolina, a girl who tied her black hair into short pigtails, Hanna Diament, Franz Kefka and Thomas Wagner.
Everyone was kind and Armin was quickly relieved. He didn’t have to worry too much after all.

Chapter Text

Time flew by quicker than anyone could imagine. It felt like they had just begun seventh grade but now it was already nearing the end of summer and soon the group would be entering eighth grade, their last year before high school.
Armin wasn’t nervous like he had been before, in fact he was actually kind of excited. The summer had been spent in and out of the hospital as his health began to falter once more. The only real fun things he had done was begin training with a service dog.

After passing out multiple times alone in his room, his grandfather and Grisha had determined the best option would be to get a service dog. That way Armin could be alerted of any changes in his body before he noticed them, and that way anyone around Armin could help him in case something happened.
It had been fun training a puppy to help him with his needs, but it had also been exhausting. When he wasn’t in the hospital or training the puppy, he was usually laying in bed, resting and reading a book.

He would occasionally hang out with his friends, though since he was so quick to tire he often worried about ruining their fun, so he stayed out of most activities.
Despite his distance, Eren and Mikasa weren’t ones to leave Armin out. The two were determined to always find something the three of them could do together. Whether that was watching a movie, taking a short walk, or just sitting in the shade and talking, they would find a way to include their best friend.

Eren especially was never one to leave Armin out. He would always try to include himself with Armin. The green eyed boy often found himself desperate and anxious to see Armin. It began to become one of the only things he looked forward to in a day, other than his daily soccer matches with Mikasa and other friends from school. On the days where he didn’t have Armin by his side, Eren would sulk and feel lost. Luckily, it was always easy to see the blond.
The boy lived in the flat above his, so Eren was always able to greet him and hang out even on days where Armin was resting in his room.
When Armin was in the hospital, Eren could easily catch a ride with his father to visit him. He was able to see Armin almost every day of the summer and it was a huge relief.

Whenever Armin was home rather than in the hospital, after breakfast, he would wander down to Eren’s flat beneath his. Every morning he would visit Grisha before the man headed off to work. It had been a routine set in place during the first school year Armin had lived in Berlin, and it continued through the summer. It was a routine that would last until Armin could take his service dog home before the beginning of eighth grade.
The doctor would determine whether Armin was good to play that day or if he needed to rest. Armin would also visit Grisha every week for a longer, more thorough examination. He was a gentle, kind doctor that Armin had grown to like. The other doctors the boy had weren’t fun. They were usually all somber and boring, hardly taking interest in Armin himself. They would usually just focus on his examination before speaking to everyone and leaving. They were cold like his parents had been, but Grisha wasn’t like that.
Dr. Yeager would ask Armin questions about his interests and what he wanted to do. He had a kind smile and would always warn Armin before he pricked and prodded at his body. The man always made sure he was comfortable. He talked to him like he was an intelligent human being, rather than speaking to him like he was a dumb kid. He told Armin the truth and didn’t hold back.

Armin knocked on the door, rocking back and forth on his heels as he waited for it to open. Armin winced slightly when the door opened and he was greeted by an excited Eren who quickly grabbed his wrist and yanked him inside.
“Dad!” Eren yelled, pulling a chair out for Armin before running off to grab his father. Armin sat down, scanning the clean house and smiling lightly. He watched as Eren trotted back into the kitchen, his father following close behind with a stethoscope held in his right hand. The man pushed his round spectacles up against his nose. He offered Armin a smile and began a small conversation. Eren stood beside the two, his hands clenched into fists as he rocked impatiently, watching his father kneel to meet the blond’s height. He watched him take his friend's pulse before he placed the cold metal of the stethoscope against the boy's chest. Armin glanced at Eren and raised an eyebrow as he took slow deep breaths as Grisha instructed him to.
He almost let out a laugh as he saw the brunette’s face. Eren’s cheeks were puffed up as he held his breath to prevent himself from making a noise as his father listened to Armin’s heartbeat. He gasped for air once his father finished the examination. He reached out his hands and grasped onto Grisha’s wrist, smiling widely at him.
“Can we dad? Can we?!” He cried.
Armin stared at the father and son with a confused look as he noted the annoyed look on the doctor’s face.
“Can we do what?” Armin asked gently.
Eren’s eyes shot to Armin for a moment before they went back to his father and his begging intensified. Grisha sighed and glanced at Armin, offering a sympathetic smile before he stood up and stretched his back, letting out an exasperated sigh.
“Everything sounds good today.” He spoke, sighing as he looked down at his son. “You’ll have to ask Armin’s grandfather, but it is fine with me.” The doctor smiled, ruffling his son’s hair.
Armin flinched as his friend let out a squeal and wrapped his arms around him, forcing him into a tight hug.
“Thanks dad!” Eren cried.

Armin pulled back from his friend’s suffocating embrace and stared at him, completely clueless as to what the father and son were talking about. Eren pulled Armin up and began to head out the front door, his hand wrapped firmly around the blond’s wrist as he marched up the stairs to Armin’s flat and burst through the door. Armin was panting by the time they were inside, pouting as he watched the brunette run over to his grandpa who sat at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper and drinking a coffee.
“Mr. Arlert, my dad says it’s okay, can Mikasa and I take Armin to the zoo? There’s an aquarium there and we think Armin would love to go!” Eren spoke with a wide smile, peaking over the elderly man’s newspaper, his green eyes shining with excitement.
The old man chuckled lightly, neatly folding his newspaper and looking over at his grandson who had taken a seat in the living room and was trying to catch his breath. He took a sip of his coffee and looked up at Eren.
“If your father says it’s fine, I’m okay with it.” He spoke. “Please remember that my grandson can’t move as fast as you. His heart is weak.” The man cautioned, though he knew Eren already knew all of his rules for taking Armin out. “He needs to take breaks and you have to bring him home the second you begin to expect that he might not feel good. If you can follow those rules, the three of you can explore as much as you want.” He patted Eren’s shoulder, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a leather wallet. He handed Eren enough money to cover the entrance fees and three lunches.
After catching his breath, Armin made his way to Eren and his grandfather, big blue eyes shining with excitement.
“Be safe Armin.” His grandfather smiled. “Please come home if you don’t feel well.” Armin nodded in agreement, giggling as the man ruffled his head of blond hair before he was sent off.

Grisha dropped the trio off at the zoo on his way to work. They paid the entrance fee and stepped inside. Armin stood in awe as he stared at the gate. The sculptures of two elephants stood at either side of a green and red pagoda style gate. He slowly wandered inside, his two friends leagues ahead of him. He eventually caught up to the two, but often found himself being left slightly behind. At every exhibit, Armin couldn’t help but stare for minutes longer than the average tourist. He read every word of every informational plaque rather than just staring at the animal held within the enclosure. Eren and Mikasa soon recognized their friend’s routine and stayed behind with him. Eren, a boy who was known to hate reading, even tried to read the plaques alongside Armin. He was intrigued by the look in Armin’s eyes as he read about the animals before looking up at them. The smile on the blond’s face and sparkle in his eyes made Eren blush. He couldn’t help but think that Armin looked pretty when he was this happy.
Armin, a boy who usually followed rather than led, soon took charge that day. He grasped onto his friend’s wrists and led them through the park. He’d read the plaques aloud for the two after he determined that Eren was practically illiterate, before he stood and stared at the animals. He’d list off facts he knew that weren’t stated on informational signs as they walked from exhibit to exhibit. Eren followed him as if in a trance, his eyes more focused on Armin than anything else in the zoo. Mikasa followed alongside the boys and couldn’t help but laugh at those green eyes that were transfixed on the intelligent blond between them. She was slightly jealous of the attention Armin received, but she was glad to see how happy the both of them were.
Mikasa was in charge of making sure the youngest amongst them took breaks like he was supposed to. Much to Armin’s protest, every twenty minutes or so she would grip the blond’s narrow shoulders and sit him down on a bench, making him wait for at least five minutes. The older girl stood in front of Armin, arms crossed as she watched him struggle to stay still in his spot. Once five to ten minutes had passed, she watched with a chuckle as Armin grabbed Eren’s hand and walked to the next exhibit at a brisk pace.
It took hours to explore the outside of the zoo, it was nearing mid afternoon by the time the three had stopped to eat some lunch. The group chatted amongst themselves about their favorite animals that they had seen so far. (Armin’s was the pandas though he really enjoyed the bunnies as well. Mikasa’s was the elephants, and Eren’s was the chimpanzees). The two Berlin natives smiled at each other. They had visited the zoo together numerous times throughout their childhoods, and they were saving the best for last. Eren could only imagine the look on Armin’s face when he stepped inside and saw the aquarium. If he had looked so beautiful and full of wonder when looking at land mammals, the face he would make while looking at fish and other sea creatures had to be absolutely angelic.

Once the three had finished food and drinks, Eren and Mikasa smiled excitedly at Armin. Eren gripped onto his wrist and began to drag him along into the inside portion of the zoo. It was an old building, pre-war unlike a majority of the city. The building echoed inside and was nice and cool compared to the heat outside. Blue reflected the floors and the group was immediately greeted with dozens of small aquariums, each holding different species of fish and other creatures from different areas of the world. Armin was speechless as he wandered through the halls, reading signs and staring at every species held within the building. Unlike before, he did not protest when Mikasa encouraged him to sit down. He was more than happy to take a seat at a bench and stare at the large tanks and colorful fish. His blue eyes were wide and shining, his mouth slightly agape. The scene almost brought tears to his eyes. He had not seen the ocean yet despite his persistent begging. That made this the closest he had ever been in his twelve years of life. It was wonderful.
Eren sat beside the awestruck blond, smiling gently and admiring his friend. Seeing Armin so happy made Eren’s heart flutter and his stomach fill with butterflies. His face would even grow hot and red at times. He often got this feeling being near Armin, but it had never been so strong as it had today. Eren was beginning to understand the excitement and joy he felt around Armin. It was the same feeling he had while being around a pretty girl. He felt warm and happy and he found himself looking forward to seeing his friend every night when he went to bed. But this experience just solidified it.
“So beautiful..” Eren whispered, a red blush on his cheeks as he stared at Armin.
Armin didn’t look over, he just continued to stare at the tank in front of him, eyes sparkling as a whale shark swam overhead.
“Yeah…” Armin breathed out.

Chapter Text

Armin sighed gently, rolling his eyes as he watched his friends chat amongst themselves excitedly. He sat at his desk, staring down at the piles of homework in front of him. It was all finished of course, Armin never turned in an assignment late no matter what the circumstances, but he still couldn’t help but scan over the pages of pre-calc homework and the essay he had to write for AP French and wonder if he did everything right. He had no one to ask, Armin was the only sophomore in a majority of his classes. He excelled far above the other students with little effort, making it horribly stressful when he worried about whether or not he did something right or not.
His eyes scanned rapidly along the pages as he gritted his teeth, wishing everyone would just shut up about that goddamn exchange program. It wasn’t until he felt the firm paws against his lap and tongue against his cheek that he realized he was crinkling the paper in his fists and that his heart was thudding against his chest. He sighed softly, smiling gently at his furry friend.
Bean was a two year old German Shepherd and the best service dog Armin could ask for. He reached his hand out, petting her head and thanking her for the alert before he took a few deep breaths and flattened the pages he had wrinkled. Once Bean laid down at his feet and his homework looked decent enough to turn in, Armin turned to the group chatting beside him. He opened his mouth to speak, but Eren- that damn brunette - said it all for him.
“Will you guys shut the fuck up about that goddamn French exchange program?” The green eyed teenager groaned, rubbing his face with his hands and shaking his head. “You all know full well that Armin was the best choice for the program and he’s upset that he couldn’t go. Show your friend some sympathy will ya?” He spoke, glaring at the group that had surrounded his and Mikasa’s desks.
The others shut up immediately, nodding at Eren’s request.
“Sorry Armin!” Sasha spoke with a whine, wrapping her arms around his narrow shoulders and smiling down at him. “You’ll get to go to France someday!” She reassured, removing her arms and moving to squat down, giggling at the dog under the desk. She petted the dog's ears before letting out a cry when Mikasa grabbed her by the collar of her shirt.
“Don’t pet the dog while she’s working.” She growled into the girl’s ear. Sasha let out another whine and apologized fervently to Armin despite his reassurance that it was okay.
The group of students dispersed. Ymir pulled Historia away while Reiner and Bertholdt made their way back to their seats in the back of the classroom. Connie ran over to Sasha’s desk, comforting the sulking girl.

Armin sighed, thanking his friends before he went back to staring at his homework. The French exchange program had been the only thing everyone had spoken about for the past weeks. It was the opportunity of a lifetime, any student who could afford it got the opportunity to finish their high school years in France while three lucky students were chosen to go on a scholarship.
Armin would’ve been the obvious choice for this scholarship, but alas, he was sick. He was always fucking sick. Despite his near excellence in the French language, he wasn’t even allowed to apply for the program. Instead he had to watch as the friends who constantly asked for help on their homework were chosen to go. It sucked.

Armin knew there was no chance he would be able to travel to France for three years. Hell, Armin hadn’t even seen the ocean and he was nearing his fifteenth birthday. Still, knowing that it was impossible didn’t make it hurt any less.
Levi Ackerman, the school’s French teacher, had tried to cheer Armin up by telling him it was hardly necessary for him to even travel to France given that he was practically fluent, but it did little to cheer Armin up. The entire situation just reminded him of how little he could do in his life.
He was always going to be confined to one area at a time. He would never be allowed to see the world in the condition he was in, and he had to accept it. Given the fact that he was dying, it was a hard thing to do.
In all his years his goal and wish for his life had never changed. Armin wanted to see and study the ocean. He wanted to see the world. That dream would probably never change, and it would probably follow him to his deathbed.

In a few weeks Armin would forget all about it. He would go back to his normal self and would claim to be content with his boring day to day life. He would just be Armin: the sweet dying boy who was content living to a measly twenty something with nothing but a high school diploma to show for his life.
Bean began to paw at his lap again. Armin sighed gently, watching as the remaining students joined the class just before the bell rang. He sunk into his chair as those three lucky bastards entered the room.

Hanna and Franz walked hand in hand, giddy and excited. Armin glared at the couple. They were the type to constantly beg for help and cheat off his papers when worse came to worse. He liked the two, but he seriously didn’t understand how they were chosen for the scholarship. Mina walked in next. She was smiling and clearly excited, but she wouldn’t brag about it to him. Armin could understand how she was able to get the scholarship. Though she wasn’t in AP French, she was still in an advanced class and could hold a conversation with him for a pretty long time. She was a good friend and Armin would’ve loved to go to France with her.

As class started, Armin sat up and tried not to sulk. Their homeroom teacher, Erwin Smith entered the room. Armin sighed as the class stood up to greet him, mumbling a hello but not getting out of his seat. (Standing up suddenly often caused him to faint).
Home room was usually nothing but a study hall. It was here where Armin became the most popular student in his grade. The other would flock to him, asking him questions about their homework and expecting him to have all the answers. Armin usually did, but today he would probably yell at the first student to ask him a question.
As class started, Armin was relieved to hear that it wasn’t another study hall, but was devastated to hear that instead it would be a send off day for the three lucky students.
He watched with a frown as the three stood up and spoke a few sentences in French. It was a pathetic send off, wishing the rest of the class a good rest of their high school careers. Armin muttered under his breath whenever a mistake was made, glancing around at other students to see if they caught it. Ultimately, everyone but Armin seemed to have no clue of the group's mistakes so in the end he had to stay silent.

Armin’s heart dropped when they were given instructions for the rest of the day. Like elementary students, they were tasked with making goodbye cards for their fellow students. It took everything within Armin to not let out an audible groan. Though every part of his body didn’t want to, the blond eventually found himself rising from his seat in order to grab some supplies for the cards.
Armin immediately found himself feeling weak as he stood up. Dots appeared in his vision and his body felt heavy and uncomfortable. Despite Bean’s barks of warning, he had little time to react before his body gave out on him and the world went black.
Passing out had never been a welcomed event in his life. It was usually terrifying when it happened, but sometimes it had its advantages, and this time was one of those times.

Armin woke up in the comfort of his own bed. He groaned gently as his eyes opened and he got used to the brightness coming in through his window. It took a few moments to remember what had happened that day, but when he did, Armin couldn’t help but laugh. Armin glanced over at the clock on his bedside table. It was early in the afternoon. Today was a short school day, so classes had already ended. He sighed gently and swung his feet over his bed, being careful as he made his way over to his desk, smiling at the colorful sticky note left on a small stack of papers.

‘I turned in all your homework for you and collected your assignments for the day! Come see me when you feel better! - Eren’

Armin smiled at the note, sighing gently and removing it from his papers. He got to work immediately and began to do his homework.

The next day came as a relief to Armin. No one spoke about the students who had flown to France the previous night, and instead were chatting excitedly about the exchange students who were joining them that day. Everyone ran over to Armin once he entered the room, checking to make sure he was okay. Armin reassured them that he was fine and happily joined in the conversation about the new students who would be moving to Germany for the next three years.

The conversation subsided once Mr. Smith walked into the room with two boys following behind him. He smiled and allowed them to introduce themselves. A tall boy with black hair and freckles stepped up first.
“My name is Marco Bodt. I’ll be joining band club. I can’t wait to get to know all of you!” He introduced himself with a kind smile. His German was pretty good, though he occasionally paused to remember a word and his pronunciation wasn’t the greatest.
Marco stood beside Erwin, smiling happily as the other boy stepped forward to address the class. He was tall with light brown hair and amber eyes.
“The name’s Jean Kirstein.” He spoke. Armin was immediately impressed by his German, his pronunciation was nearly perfect, though his thick French accent could not be hidden. “I’ll be joining varsity soccer and the art club. I hope I get to know you all well.” He smiled a smug grin and joined his friend, waiting for their teacher to instruct them on where to sit.
Armin smiled as he looked at the two, they were both very handsome and Armin immediately wanted to get to know them. He glanced over at Eren, letting out a small giggle when he saw a scowl on the brunette's face. He turned to look at who the scowl was directed towards. The blond was fairly shocked to see that he was glaring at Jean.
“I already hate him..” Eren leaned close and muttered to Armin, causing the blond to let out a small laugh and swat Eren’s shoulder. The two immediately went quiet when they heard their teacher call Armin’s name.
“Y-yes sir?” Armin quickly focused his attention on his teacher.
“You’re the best at French, I’d like you to help Marco and Jean as much as they need.” The man spoke.
Armin quickly nodded in agreement, flashing a smile at the two exchange students. The smile quickly turned to a pout when he listened to Mr. Smith tell Eren and Mikasa to move to the empty seats behind Armin so that Jean and Marco could sit in their seats instead.
Eren furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to shout in protest before Mikasa quickly stopped him and pulled him with her to the empty seats. The green eyed boy groaned and sat behind Armin, happy to be near him at least. That happiness was short-lived when he watched Jean sit at the desk he had once called his.
“Horse face.” The brunette muttered under his breath, sinking into his chair and crossing his arms.

Armin smiled at the two boys, offering his hand to both of them.
“Nice to meet you two. I’m Armin. Please let me know if you have any questions or need any help!” He spoke in his perfect French, giggling as the two looked at him with shocked expressions.
“Are you French?” Marco asked with wide eyes and a smile. Armin giggled and shook his head.
“No, I’m German.” The blond chuckled. The two immediately hit it off, beginning a conversation and laughing amongst themselves. Though most of it was in French, it would occasionally switch back to German.
Eren watched with a frown on his face, feeling deeply jealous as he watched his friend talk to another boy. For the past few years Armin had gotten close with Reiner and Connie, but they had been young when they first met. Something felt different now. He furrowed his brow, sighing a bit. For some reason he felt relieved that he was talking to Marco instead of Jean. He didn’t know what it was about the boy, but he immediately disliked him and found himself wanting to pick a fight. But for Armin’s sake, he didn’t. He would just make sure Jean didn’t get into varsity soccer like he so confidently claimed he would. Eren examined the other brunette, seeing how he seemed to be in his own little world, his head buried in a sketchbook.

Eren had recognized that he had a crush on his blond friend for a while now. Ever since their day at the zoo during the summer before eighth grade he had known that he liked Armin as much more than just a friend. And ever since that day he had been incredibly overprotective and clingy. He made sure to push away any potential competition he had in the fight for Armin’s love and affection. So far he hadn’t fought much with anyone, though he did once pick a fight with Annie when he noticed her staring at his friend for too long. It had ended in Annie breaking his rib, but that wasn’t too much of a price to pay if it got her to stop looking at Armin with that creepy expression of hers.
Eren didn’t feel the need to fight with Marco over Armin, but he absolutely found himself needing to fight with Jean over the blond. He had no clue what it was, maybe a gut feeling, but he simply could not let that horse-faced Frenchman get close to his Armin.

Eren smirked to himself and reached out to grab Armin’s shoulder.
“Armin,” he hummed, smirking as the blond looked back at him and smiled.
“Hmm?”
“Will you ask Jean if he wants to practice for varsity with me?” Eren asked. Armin raised an eyebrow and shook his head.
“You can ask him yourself Eren, he speaks Ge-“ Armin was interrupted by Jean.
“I speak German, dipshit.” Jean turned to Eren, scanning the green eyed boy before glaring at him. Eren just smirked confidently.
“Armin, I don’t understand him. What did he say?”
Jean shot daggers at the teenager. Who the hell did he think he is? He furrowed his brow and cleared his throat, getting closer to Eren.
“I said I speak German, dipshit.” He spoke as clearly as he could, slowing down his words as if he was speaking to a child.
Eren shrugged, not even bothering to look back at Jean, instead keeping his eyes on his blond friend.
“I don’t understand him. Can you translate?” He chuckled.
Armin pouted, looking at the two boys and sighing sympathetically as he saw the pissed look on Jean’s face. He placed a small hand on the older boy’s broad shoulders, letting out a small chuckle.
“Eren is really stupid sometimes.” The blond reassured, speaking in French. “He’s hardly literate in German, it isn’t much of an exaggeration to believe he can’t understand your accent.” Armin giggled.
Jean’s look softened as Armin spoke. He ignored the green eyed idiot behind him and instead focused on the small blond.
“Alright,” Jean chuckled.
“He wants to practice for varsity with you. If you want, I can come for translating purposes.” Armin offered, grinning happily as Jean agreed. The blond turned back to his other friend “he’ll practice with you!” He told Eren with a smile.
Eren smirked triumphantly and nodded, telling Armin a time in a place to report back to Jean, though Armin didn’t need to since the other understood every word.

Eren was going to show Armin how much of a loser that French boy was. He was going to make sure his friend never spoke a word of either French or German to Jean again.

Chapter Text

Jean lived for three things: soccer, drawing, and music. Those were his passions. Sure, he absolutely adored his friends, but he was okay without them as long as he had those three things. Of course, they were always better in the company of others.
Jean spent hours with his headphones on and his sketchbook out. He hardly paid attention in class and instead sketched those around him as loud music blared into his ears. He wasn’t an introvert by any means, but he probably preferred drawing people more than he enjoyed speaking to them.
When he wasn’t listening to his favorite music or sketching pictures of those around him, Jean was outside playing soccer. Though drawing was probably his biggest passion, soccer and sports followed close behind.
Back in France he made the varsity team freshman year with no issue, so he was a little upset when he learned he would have to try out once again for varsity after moving to Germany. What made him even more upset was that brat Eren was the only person willing to train with him everyday until tryouts began the following week.
He had been absolutely infuriated when the little shit acted as if he didn’t know what he was saying. Jean had grown up with a German father, so his German was near perfect. Yes, he did have a heavy accent, but everyone else he had met during the few days he had been in Germany understood him. Maybe it had been as Armin said, maybe Eren was truly an idiot. But Jean was pretty sure the kid was just fucking with him.
That was confirmed when Jean made it to the soccer field the following day after class. Jean had changed into his uniform and promptly made his way over to the field at the time Eren had told him to be there, but the brunette was nowhere in sight. The only other person there was Armin, the small blond that had promised to be there in order to help translate.
Armin sat a comfortable distance away from the goals, on the far end of the grass near the bleachers. He sat alone with a book pressed against his knees. The blue eyed boy read quickly, a small smile on his face as he read the novel.

Jean glanced at his watch and sighed, placing the soccer ball he had brought on the ground and kicking at it lazily, glancing over at his watch and at Armin every now and then. The blond seemed to have no sense of time as he read his book. He looked completely unbothered by Eren’s absence. Jean sighed, watching the blond with an impatient look on his face. He couldn’t help but think that the boy looked like something out of a painting.
Armin wore a baggy light blue sweater and jeans that were cuffed up to his ankles. He had finally grown for the first time in years during ninth grade and he now stood at about 5 foot 3.5 inches and weighed 120 pounds soaking wet.
Jean watched as the wind blew through the boy's hair. The color of the sky, the grass, Armin’s clothes, hair and eyes made for the perfect picture that Jean found himself yearning to draw.
But he hadn’t brought his sketchbook. All he had brought with him was that damn soccer ball and confidence that was now slightly wounded. He wouldn't give a shit if Eren had just blown him off, but the fact that the blond sat there waiting so patiently made Jean’s heart ache out of sympathy. The boy probably had things to do back home. Armin had come out in order to help out of the kindness of his heart but now he was just sitting there, his time being wasted.
Jean did a few solo drills, but his attention always fell back to Armin. After a while the brunette sighed and walked over to the smaller boy, offering his hand to help him stand up.

Armin glanced up at Jean, raising an eyebrow and scanning the field around them for Eren. He had been so invested in his book that he had lost all sense of time. Had the two already finished practice? Had Armin been completely useless or had Eren begun to understand Jean. He stood up, marking his page with a bookmark and staring up at Jean, his eyes furrowed in worry.
“Did I-? Where’s Eren?” He asked, placing the book down at his feet.

“Never showed up.” Jean grumbled looking at his watch with a sigh. “He said he would be here at 4:00 and it’s 4:40,” he said, scanning Armin’s body and sighing. The boy didn’t look the least bit athletic, but he didn’t look particularly out of shape either. He sighed and grasped his wrist, pulling Armin with him to the field. “You’ll do.” Jean spoke. “You know how to play soccer, right?” Jean questioned, smiling lightly at the blond.
Armin followed behind Jean, a blush on his cheeks as he was led to the middle of the field. He cleared his throat, nodding his head before he opened his mouth in order to tell Jean that he couldn’t play. Jean spoke before he could say a word.
“Good.” The brunette spoke, dribbling the ball around Armin before he passed it to him.
Armin caught the ball with the side of his foot and stared down at it. He had watched Eren and Mikasa play enough times over the years he knew them that he was pretty confident he could join in on a game. That was, if his body allowed it.
He gave the ball a pathetic little kick before looking up at Jean, as if for reassurance before he began to dribble the ball. He wasn’t fast at all, in fact he was pretty slow, but with the way he turned his body and moved the ball with his feet, Jean found it hard to steal the ball from him. The shock was evident on his face when Armin was ultimately able to make a goal despite his slow pace.
The blond blushed a bit, giggling to himself as he made the goal and Jean ran off to retrieve the ball.
“I’ve never seen someone protect the ball like that before.” Jean complimented, jogging back over to Armin. “You’d be a good player if you ran instead of walked.” He chuckled, placing the ball between them on the grass. “Run this time.” He encouraged, flashing Armin a toothy grin.
“I-“ Armin stuttered out, but before he could get a word in, Jean had already taken the ball and was making his way towards his opponents goal. Armin stood there, unsure of his next move. He wasn’t supposed to run or even play a mild version of a sport like this, but to his surprise he was having fun. The game had more strategy to it than Armin had ever thought. It wasn’t just some mindless game of tag, instead one had to calculate their moves and think two steps ahead of their opponent. The blond loved those sorts of games.
Hell, Armin was going to die young anyways, why not die while having fun and being a bit rebellious?
Armin ran after Jean, giggling as he watched the ball dance between their feet. At first he struggled to get the ball from Jean, but he quickly noticed weak points in the man’s game. When Jean was least expecting it, Armin was able to sneak his foot between Jean’s and kick the ball towards the opposite goal. He ran after the ball, smirking as he reached it and kicked a goal before the brunette even had the chance to get close to him. The blond threw his hands in the hair and let out a triumphant laugh before he grasped his knees and bent down, trying to catch his breath.
Jean stood, his mouth agape as he stared at the goal and back at Armin in shock. The boy looked so small and weak, but underneath that facade he was quite the player. He jogged to grab the ball, walking back over to the blond and smiling at him. “You’re fast, but only in short paces.” He chuckled, placing the ball between them and bending down to make sure Armin was okay.
The blond panted for a minute, chuckling at Jean’s words and nodding. “I-I’m like a cheetah.” He giggled in between his gasps for air. “I-I can run super fast, b-but only for twenty seconds. I’ll die if I go any longer..” he laughed to himself, opening his eyes and seeing the ball between them. Armin bit his lip before he quickly took control of the ball, dribbling a short distance before making his third goal of the game before Jean could even move from the spot he stood.
The two continued to play until the time reached near the end of the hour. Jean was a fantastic player when it came to the physical portion of the game, but Armin was like no other when it came to strategy. The only way Jean could manage to get a goal was to run circles around Armin and wear him out, but if the blond ever caught the ball from him he knew he was fucked.

Armin stared at the ball between them, grinning excitedly as the next round was about to begin. He had no clue how he had lasted this long without collapsing, but he knew it was probably any second now until he did. His limbs were painfully heavy and his vision was full of black spots. His heart thudded and skipped in his chest, causing a fuzzy sensation to fill his head. Armin knew it was dangerous for him to play another round, but god was he having fun. He reached his foot out to steal the ball, not even noticing how Jean had already taken it and was running towards his goal. He spun around, watching Jean run to the goal. Armin took a few steps towards him before stopping in his tracks and closing his eyes. Fuck, he was dizzy. He placed a hand on his throbbing head and tried his best to sit on the ground as he felt his consciousness quickly begin to fade, but he was so dizzy and so tired, he found it impossible to do anything but fall backward.

Armin fell into someone’s arms. With the little consciousness left in him he could see who they belonged to. Armin could recognize those green eyes and that dark brown hair from a mile away. It was Eren. He let his eyes shut as his friend began to scream.

“What the fuck man?!” Eren shouted, pulling his unconscious friend close to his chest as he sank to his knees and stared up at Jean.
Jean stared at the two, completely dumbfounded by the scene playing before him. He ran over to the brunette and knelt down to stare at the blond, his amber eyes wide and full of worry.

“I-Is he okay?!” Jean questioned, reaching his hands out to help Eren, only for them to be slapped away.

“Does he look okay?!” Eren spat, furrowing his brows and staring daggers into the other man. “What the fuck were you thinking?! Letting him play soccer with you, you must some sort of fucking idiot!”
Eren pulled his jacket off and folded it neatly, placing it on the grass and using it as a pillow for his friend's head. He placed two fingers against Armin’s neck, frowning when he felt the thready pulse beneath his fingertips. His eyes shot back up to Jean.

“A-All we did was play soccer..” the taller boy stuttered, a look of complete and utter confusion painted on his face.

“Yeah! You played soccer with a boy who has a heart condition! He isn’t supposed to play soccer, you could’ve fucking killed him!” Eren shot back. His hands clenched into fists, he wanted to beat the shit out of Jean, but he was too worried about his friend's condition to leave his side for a second. Armin had passed out a few days earlier and had now just exerted himself much more than he was ever supposed to. It couldn’t be good for his heart.

Jean’s expression softened. He had been a bit annoyed at Eren’s defense, but now he could understand why.
“I-I’m sorry!” He spoke. “I-I had no idea!”

“Did you not see the service dog yesterday, jackass?!” Eren gritted his teeth.
Jean opened his mouth before he paused. He had drawn a picture of that cute German Shepherd in class but hadn’t even connected the dots. The dog wasn’t with him today, so Jean had completely forgotten about it.

“I-“ Jean muttered. “H-Hey I thought you couldn’t understand me! You were supposed to be here an hour ago, dipshit! I wouldn’t have played with him if you were here on fucking time!” Jean shouted.

“Shut the fuck up and get some help!” Eren cried back in response.
Jean didn’t need to be told that twice. He pulled himself up and ran to the main school building where the office called an ambulance. Jean swore to himself that night that this would be the one and only time he ever listened to one of Eren’s commands.

Things went quiet once the ambulance arrived. Jean was left out in the soccer field alone as the night grew dark. Guilt wore heavy on his heart as he walked through the unfamiliar city, back to the place he would call home during his time in Germany.
Jean tried to sleep once he got home, not being in the mood for dinner after what had happened, but he was restless. After staring at the cracks in his walls for hours Jean pulled himself out of bed and turned his desk light on. He couldn’t stop thinking of that image: the petite blond sitting calmly in the grass with a book on his knees; a small smile on his face as he read while the wind danced through his hair. He thought about the way his blue eyes seemed to light up once he got to an interesting part of the story he was reading. And Jean couldn’t help but draw it.
Once he had finished, the brunette admired his work. It was realistic, sketched with mostly charcoal and graphite. The drawing reflected the scene perfectly. Jean couldn’t help but think it was one of his best drawings yet. He swallowed hard as he stared at it, hoping the blond would be okay

Chapter Text

Armin woke up in the hospital. He winced at the bright lighting that never ceased to hurt his eyes whenever he woke up within the confinements of one of those sterile, white rooms. The beeping of the heart monitor caused an unpleasant ringing in his ears. His blue eyes made their way to the clock that hung just above the door on his right. He had been knocked out for around twenty-four hours. The sky outside was beginning to darken like it had the previous day.

Armin glanced over at his bedside table and sighed gently. An orchid in a pretty vase stood in the center of the table. He smiled at the flower and the thought of the person who gave it to him. Mikasa always brought flowers from their garden as a get well gift whenever he was admitted to the hospital. But there were no orchids in their backyard.
Armin sighed and shifted his weight, reaching out to turn the flower as he looked around for some sort of note that would show the identity of whomever gave it to him. No such note existed. He removed his hand and began to gather the few cards that had been left
One was brightly colored, something a child would purchase for 99 cents. Armin didn’t even have to glance inside to know who had gotten him the card. He had a collection of Eren’s cheap cards with his sloppy handwriting at home. Though they were fairly pathetic, the blond always looked forward to receiving them. Oftentimes some ugly cartoon dog or cat would be illustrated on the front with well wishes written in crude bubble letters overhead. But this card was just a sloppy mix of primary colors that would normally make anyone’s eyes ache, but came as a sigh of relief in comparison to the dull whiteness of the hospital room.
Armin read the note and chuckled at the sloppy handwriting. Eren was fifteen, but his print looked like that of someone half his age. It was endearing, though it was painful on the eye.
The blond set the card down and reached for the second one that had been hidden behind it. The card was much more expensive than Eren’s. It looked like one that had probably been wrapped in plastic when it was purchased. It was elegant with a few 3D elements on the front. The color was a muted cream with a few light pastels adding a pop of color. It was the type of card you would expect to receive from a kind older woman, so when Armin opened it up and saw the neat French print and signature, he was pretty shocked. A paper fell from the card onto his lap. He glanced down at the folded paper, picking it up as he began to read the card.

‘I’m so sorry about what happened. I had no idea you couldn’t play. I hope you feel better. Here’s a drawing I made, hopefully you like it. See you in class. - Jean’

Armin read the note to himself quietly, loving how French rolled so smoothly off his tongue. He sighed softly and looked at the small square of paper that he held in his fingertips. Armin began to unfold it gently, a small blush appearing on his cheeks as he saw the drawing that had been hidden inside. It was a drawing of him. It was so realistic Armin could hardly believe that the brunette's hand had created it. It looked more like a picture with a black and white filter over it. Armin ran his fingers down the rough texture of the paper, admiring how smooth the harsher lines of the drawing felt. He glanced at his fingertips, sighing softly as he saw the reflective gray of the graphite illuminate the unique maze of his fingerprints.
Armin had never considered himself beautiful before. He had a certain loathing towards his appearance; a majority of his internal dialogue criticized himself in all ways imaginable- his physical appearance being the primary target of his self loathing thoughts. He didn’t like the way he looked at all, but something about the drawing made him rethink the harsh words he often used to describe himself. The drawing was beautiful, and it was a drawing of him. Maybe that meant he was beautiful?

Armin shook his head in the negative, letting out a deep sigh as he frowned. He began to fold the drawing neatly, placing it back into the card and letting his body fall back against the bed with an umph.
It was just art. Armin admired the art and talent of Jean. He wasn’t decent looking in the slightest. Jean had definitely taken some artistic liberty when drawing him. Hell, of course he would. The other teenager felt bad for encouraging him to be rebellious and causing him to pass out. Jean probably knew that his ego would be wounded after he passed out and woke up in the confines of a hospital room after playing twenty minutes of soccer. He just wanted to help Armin feel better. It was sweet but it made the blond feel like shit. He was an idiot to think that he had become a muse for an artist, rather than just drawing that had been scribbled together due to a guilty conscience.

Armin sighed deeply, holding the card to his chest and staring at the ceiling. The room was quiet for a while, apart from the irritating beep of the monitor to the left of him. There were no books to read or anything to do. His dog wasn’t even in the room with him. He was completely and utterly bored.
He was nearly asleep when he heard the door open, squeaking against its hinges. Armin jumped awake and hid the card under his pillow as if it was some precious secret. He didn’t understand why he had been holding the card and drawing for so long, or why he felt the need to hide it, but something in him just told him it would be safer beneath his pillow. The monitor beeped quickly as he watched his grandfather step inside. He could only imagine the scolding he was going to get.

“You’re awake.” The man’s voice echoed through the small room. Armin sat up, watching the elderly man make his way to the chair that had been pulled up close to his bedside. Armin gave a small nod as he looked towards the doorway, hoping someone else would join them and spare him from whatever was to come.
The gray haired man let out a long sigh, standing behind and gripping onto the top rail of the wooden chair. The room went quiet for a while before his voice rang throughout the room.
“What were you thinking?!” The shout caused Armin to flinch. His eyes shot down to his small fidgeting hands, searching for anything to look at other than the red face of his grandfather.
“You came to Berlin in order to have a better chance at living, but then you pull some stunt like that?! You’re damn lucky that you didn’t die out on that field last night! Is that what you want? Do you want to die, Armin?!”

“I-“ he opened his mouth but found that words couldn’t come out. Every word his grandfather said was true. He had been stupid yesterday, he hadn’t been thinking. It was selfish. Armin wanted to apologize, but part of him just couldn’t. He had fun yesterday. He really did. Armin had never had a thrill like that before in his life. The blond couldn’t apologize for something he didn’t feel sorry for- that just wasn’t the type of person he was.
His grandfather's lecture continued until the old man collapsed into the chair and let out a sob. Armin felt his heart drop as he heard his grandad cry. The man had been there for him for as long as he could remember and the thought of him crying brought tears to his own eyes.
Armin sat forward and reached out for his grandfather’s hand. He gripped onto the man’s wrinkly hand, holding it with his smaller, youthful hand.
“I’m here. I didn’t die.” Armin whispered softly, biting his lip as he watched the man’s brown eyes look up at him, tears falling from them and streaking his cheeks. “I-I promise I won’t do anything like that again.” Armin spoke. “I swear I won’t do it again.” He affirmed, letting out a sigh of relief as his grandpa’s head nodded in conformation and his arms wrapped around him in a close hug.

A few minutes later Armin was alone again. The lights in the hospital began to dim. As the lights in his room turned off Armin couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He turned his body to stare at the city lights outside, watching as cars, motorcycles and bikes flew by. They were small like ants from the perspective of his upper level room. The lights glowed yellow and mixed beautifully with the blackening sky. Armin let his body roll back to the center of the bed. He reached under his pillow, grasping the card and holding it firmly in his hands as he brought it close to his chest. Armin released the drawing from the confinement of the card and unfolded it with gentle hands. The blond teenager let out a long sigh as he admired the drawing before letting his eyes roll up to look at the ceiling. He began to chuckle. Then he began to laugh. He had never had so much fun in his life as he had simply playing soccer with Jean- with the teenager who had gifted him this beautiful drawing. He brought a hand to his mouth as the laughs continued and grew harder. Tears filled his eyes as he tried to stifle his giggles and soon he didn’t try to hide them. Armin just stared at the ceiling and laughed. His abs and mouth ached by the time he was able to calm down, but despite the pain in his jaw he couldn’t stop smiling. For the first time in a long time he truly felt happy. Though, like most joy he experienced, it was bittersweet. Twenty minutes of soccer landed him in the hospital. He knew it wasn’t worth it, but he still couldn’t help but want to play again. As his breathing slowed he took the drawing in his hands and admired it for a moment, thinking of the boy who had drawn it and finding himself excited to see him at school on Monday.

-

The weekend felt as if it had been dragged on for weeks. Though he had been tasked with bed rest for two days, Armin was completely exhausted by the day they were over. His thoughts had been on that soccer game and the tall French boy he played it with. Every part of him wanted to thank the young man for the few minutes of ecstasy he had felt as they ran across the grass. He could hardly pay attention to the book he read as his thoughts constantly returned back to Jean and the feeling of wind blowing through his hair.

Armin practically jumped out of bed on Monday. He scrambled to get ready and found that his hands were shaking as he placed the blue vest that read ‘service dog- do not pet’ in bold print on his dog. She licked at his face as he sat on his knees and attached the leash to her collar before standing up. He threw his backpack over one shoulder as he left the house. He couldn’t help but smile as he walked down the block down to the bus stop. Armin was excited to go to school today. He hardly understood why, it wasn’t like he was going to play soccer or anything, but the idea of thanking Jean for the fun made him happy. He wanted to get to know the other boy better. It was uncharacteristic for him, Armin was a complete introvert and was often withdrawn around people he didn’t know, but Jean’s energy put a smile on his face. He wanted the brunette to know that he made him happy that afternoon. In fact, he had made him the happiest he had been in years.

Jean couldn’t stop thinking about the other either. He wanted to apologize for his behavior and apologize for causing him to end up in the hospital. Jean had visited him early on Thursday with hopes to apologize then, but the blond was still unconscious when he stepped inside the room. He could only set the card down on the bedside table and look at the boy for a few moments. There he admired his yellow hair and button nose up close. His skin looked soft and like the image of Armin sitting in the grass and reading - he couldn’t get the picture out of his head. Later as he stared at his empty seat in class and remarked on how his unconscious form looked pretty almost. The thought of that one fairytale, La Belle au bois dormant - Sleeping Beauty, came to mind. He almost blushed at the thought before Eren came into the room and spat insults at him for the remainder of homeroom.

Armin stared out the window as the bus drove by. Unlike other kids who usually chatted in the halls before the bell rang, Armin walked straight to class. The class was empty apart from him and Mr. Smith. He spoke with the teacher for a few minutes, taking the packets of school work the man had helped gather for him with a smile. Armin sat at his desk and scanned through the stacks of paper, separating them by class. There was very little French homework while calculus and AP chemistry dominated the pile. He began to start his missed work, occasionally looking up, saying a few words and smiling as he heard one of his friends call his name and check up on him. Armin managed to get quite a bit of homework done by the time Eren and Mikasa came bursting through the door and Eren’s hands clenched his face, forcing him to look up at him. He blinked as those green eyes stared at him intently, scanning for signs of injury and making sure he was okay. Once Eren had determined that he was okay, he let go of his face and smiled, reaching up to ruffle his head of blond hair before taking a seat behind him. Armin let his eyes fall back to his homework as Mikasa’s intense glare finally left him. He was able to finish a majority of his homework by the time two hands slammed against his desk.
“Armin I’m-!” Jean shouted, quickly stopping himself as he watched how Armin flinched and saw the surprised look in those blue eyes. He gulped as he noticed the dog that lay at Armin’s feet beneath the desk stirred uncomfortably. The brunette gulped and stared at the blond.
“I-“ they both spoke at the same time before going silent. They tried again, only to interrupt each other once more. The smaller teenager smiled.
“You go first,” he told Jean with a gentle smile. Jean nodded.
“I-I just wanted to apologize.” He told him “I had no clue you couldn’t play and I didn’t even ask if you could. You ended up in the hospital because of me. I’m ashamed. I’m so sor-“ Jean spoke in his best German, speaking slowly and clearly and trying to hide his thick accent as much as he could, but he was stopped as two small hands gripped his own.

“Don’t apologize.” Armin smiled, looking up into his amber eyes. His voice was gentle and sweet as he spoke in perfect French. “I actually wanted to thank you.” He admitted. “I haven’t had so much fun for as long as I can remember. It was thrilling. I wish I could play with you again.” The blond smiled, squeezing the other boy’s larger hands in his own.
Jean opened his mouth to speak but was made speechless as the other continued to talk.
“And the drawing you made for me, it was lovely. I’ll cherish it forever. Thank you, Jean.” Armin’s eyes seemed to light up as he spoke about the drawing, and his cheeks blushed a light pink. He was truly flattered by Jean’s work and still had trouble understanding why Jean would go to the time and effort to make such a beautiful piece of work for someone like him.
Jean just nodded as he spoke, finding it hard to get a word out. He still wanted to apologize for his actions, as well as thank Armin for his compliment, but he felt as if he had forgotten German altogether, so he just stared as he waited for the right words to come to him.
By the time he thought of what to say, Armin’s eyes had fallen back to his papers and his hands slowly slid out of Jean’s as he reached for a pencil to continue his work. The brunette watched as the pencil danced along the paper, creating small neat letters and numbers as he worked on. He opened his mouth to speak, only to flinch when he heard a shout come from the chair situated behind Armin’s.

“Stop staring at him you freak!” Eren spat, his brows furrowed and his face twisted with anger. “That was one half assed apology- Armin is too sweet to do anything but forgive you!” He yelled, only to let out a hiss of pain as Mikasa slugged his shoulder and told him to shut up.
Armin glanced over at his friend, chuckling lightly and shaking his head, mumbling an apology to Jean.

“It’s okay,” Jean finally stuttered out, though his words were in his native tongue rather than Armin’s. “I’m glad you like the drawing. Did you like the flower too?” His eyes drifted back to Armin’s as he decided to ignore Eren’s antics. He smiled softly as Armin nodded his head in agreement with his words.

Armin looked up, his smile growing as he nodded his head “You brought the flower?” He asked “I was sure it was Mikasa. Thank you, I really do like it.” The blond spoke, letting his eyes fall back to his paper as Jean slowly made his way to the desk adjacent to his. He was about to continue with his homework before he quickly glanced up at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was nearly time for class to start. Armin quickly turned and leaned close to Jean, only to blush as Jean did the exact same thing.
“Hey-“ they both spoke, only to erupt into a burst of laughter.
“Sorry,” Armin giggled with teary eyes. “I believe a proverb once said great minds think alike.” He chuckled, smiling softly as his laughter calmed down.
Jean laughed along with the blond before he reached his hand out and smiled.

“You go first this time.” He told the other male. Armin nodded.

“You’re a fantastic soccer player.” The blond spoke. “I’d love to watch you play again- even if I can’t join in myself. I was wondering if I could watch you try out for varsity?” He asked, tilting his head slightly, his cheeks a light pink as he waited for Jean’s reply.

The Frenchman eagerly nodded “Yes of course!” He spoke “I was going to ask if you wanted to come. I would love the support. Marco was going to come but he’s a bit busy that day.”

Armin clasped his small hands together, smiling at the other boy. “I can’t wait.” He told him, leaning back into his seat and looking up at the clock as the bell finally rang and Erwin stood to greet the class. As the man told the teenagers of their activities for the day, Armin snuck a glance back over at Jean. He felt butterflies rise in his stomach as the brunette teenagers' amber eyes met his own. The blond’s eyes quickly shot back to the front of the room as his cheeks burned with embarrassment as Jean did the exact same thing, though both of their mouths curled into a gentle smile as they looked away.

Chapter Text

Eren had never been so angry in his life as he was watching Jean fawn over the small blond in front of him. He could feel his heart thud against his chest and his cheeks heat up as he watched the tall brunette just staring down at Armin like an idiot. The fact that they spoke in words he couldn’t understand only infuriated him even more. He yelled at them, only for Mikasa to punch him in the arm and tell him to shut up. Though he remained silent, his eyes were glued to the two and he felt sick at the way they interacted. The worst part about the entire interaction unfolding in front of him was how Armin looked. The blond looked happy. He was smiling and even blushing a bit. Sure, Armin’s cheeks and especially his nose were always slightly pink, but his face was darker than normal. And Eren hated it.

On one hand, he hated it all. Armin’s joy when speaking to Jean pissed him off and made him want to just reach out and strangle the horse-faced freak who spoke and looked at his best friend with a dull arrogance. But on the other hand, he loved to see Armin happy. The longer he knew the blond, the less smiles he saw. His friend was - as any person who was dying an untimely death would be - unsatisfied with life, and definitely depressed. Eren wanted to make Armin smile. He wanted his friend to be happy. But he wanted to be the one who did that. He didn’t want some French freak to do it.

He didn’t have a problem with Armin making friends. Through class he watched the interactions between the blond and Marco and didn’t think a thing of it. But when he watched the blond turn to speak to Jean, his stomach would ache. It made him feel sick. He didn’t know what it was about the teenager but he hated him from the second he saw him.
So he was distraught when he walked through the hall with his friend and listened to the smaller male babble on excitedly about watching Jean at varsity tryouts.
“W-Why would you want to do that?!” Eren spat, staring down at the other boy and stopping dead in his tracks.
Armin’s head tilted to the side as Eren spoke. He walked a few more feet before stopping and turning around to look at his friend.

“Because he’s a good player.” Armin explained. “I had a lot of fun playing with him.” He admitted, wincing as Eren’s face grew red hot with anger.

“You had fun? Armin you could’ve died! Y-You shouldn’t hang out with someone so reckless!” The brunette shouted, earning a groan from his blue eyed friend.

“I didn’t die Eren, so can you just shut up about it? He didn’t know I couldn’t play and it’s not like he forced me to.” He mumbled, letting out a long sigh before his frown turned back into a small smile. “I’m happy I played. Now I have a new friend. You should try to get along with him, you two are going to be playing on the same team soon!” Armin spoke with a confidence Eren and Mikasa had never heard before. It was the type of confidence that made Mikasa smile for her friend and snicker at Eren.

“Armin’s right, you should try to get along with him. Armin knows a good player when he sees one.” Mikasa spoke, before running ahead to join the blond as they walked towards their nearby classes.

Eren stood with his mouth slightly agape. Armin had never told him to shut up before. He watched his friends walk off as he was left behind with no one. Even the dog got to fucking go while he was left behind. He let out an exasperated sigh as he turned and walked away from them, going to his class on the opposite side of the hall.

“I hope to god I won’t have to play with that asshole.” He muttered to himself, though he knew Mikasa was right. Armin knew a good player when he saw one.
And of course Armin was right. The blond was hardly ever wrong. Jean was the first choice for varsity and would be joining him and his friends on the team.

Eren was a minority in his disappointment. Jean had quickly become good friends with Connie and often sat with him and Sasha at lunch, so of course the energetic young man was ecstatic. Reiner and Bertholdt were happy to have another strong player on the team and welcomed him with open arms. The other teammates seemed just as thrilled, especially when they played and won their first game of the season.

In the end, it wasn’t too bad that Jean had made it on the team. What was bad was Armin’s reaction to the brunette’s success.
The entire boy’s varsity team went to watch the tryouts like they did every year and to greet new members of the team, so Eren was obligated to watch as well. He spotted Armin on the bleachers sitting next to Mikasa and Annie (both of which were on the girl’s varsity soccer team) and took a spot next to him. Sasha sat in front of Armin and for the first time in her life, the girl was given permission to pet, cuddle and love Bean.

Eren watched the way Armin’s eyes would light up as Jean played. His blue eyes sparkled with excitement and even a hint of longing - as if Armin wanted to be out on the field with him. He flinched when Armin and Sasha would cheer Jean on. The normally quiet blond had matched Sasha’s energy in his cheers. The two were easily the loudest amongst the group of spectators on the bleachers.
Despite his anger, Eren couldn’t help but think about how cute Armin looked that evening. His yellow hair cut just below his ears was slightly tousled by the wind. His nose was, like always, blushed slightly pink. He wore a forest green sweater that was too large for him and light wash jeans that were cuffed at the ankles. Armin wore the same pair of beaten up black converse sneakers that he had owned since seventh grade. The boy’s small hands were adorned with colorful bandages, covering scrapes and cuts that had been made from his occasional fainting spells. In the setting sun his blue eyes shined like sapphires.
Eren would think about how pretty Armin looked that evening during late nights when teenage hormones would make his body itch and ache in all sorts of ways.
His head felt fuzzy as he stared at his petite friend, that was until Jean finished his tryout and ran up to sit beside them on the bleachers.

Jean sat in front of Armin on the same level Sasha sat with Armin’s German Shepard sandwiched between him and the girl. Eren was about to scold Jean as he watched the other teenager reach out and pet the dog, but a quick glance at Armin kept him from doing so. The blond was normally so strict about people not touching his dog, but tonight he seemed not to care. And if Armin didn’t care he wouldn’t say anything.

Tryouts went until the night grew dark. Everyone watched closely as others played and impatiently waited for results. Armin smiled and gave Jean a thumbs up once all the athletes were called back. The blond pulled himself up to sit by Sasha as the coaches listed off who made it on the team. The three let out a cheer as Jean’s name was called. Armin watched with wide eyes as the brunette girl jumped up, motioning him to come down from the bleachers and over to where Jean stood.

“Don’t run!” Eren shouted as he watched the two pick up in speed once their feet hit the grass. But they both ran nonetheless. Armin had little choice in the matter as Sasha grabbed the blond’s wrist and yanked him along with her.

“Sasha you idiot!” Mikasa spat, though the ditzy brunette hardly seemed to care. Armin hardly seemed to care either.
Eren felt his heart drop as he watched the trio go over to Jean, congratulating him. He almost felt sick to his stomach as he watched Armin’s small white hands move to grip larger tan ones in an affectionate gesture as he spoke to him with a smile. Eren decided it was time to go home after watching that.

He walked home alone that evening, though Armin never left his thoughts. Even as he drifted off to sleep he could see the blond in his dreams. He could see those pale bandaged hands gripping onto larger tan hands and found himself dreaming and wishing that those darker hands belonged to him and not to Jean.

-

As the weeks passed, Armin’s glance grew more distant. He never seemed to look at Eren anymore. When Armin’s eyes weren’t full of sadness, they would often be looking at Jean. What made it worse was that Armin only shared two classes with him: PE and Homeroom, while he shared four with Jean. And during PE he hardly interacted with Armin. The blond was always made to sit on the bleachers while the able bodied kids played whatever sport was on the itinerary for that day. He would occasionally glance over at the blond and would see a look of complete and utter sadness on his face. The look would tug at his heart.

Eren would feel heat rise in his body as he watched the two walk to AP French and history together. He found it hard to eat as they sat at the cafeteria and he would notice those blue eyes staring across the room, at the table where Jean, Marco, Sasha and Connie sat. Armin would rest his chin in his palm and stare with a pleasant smile, blinking slowly and sighing, mostly picking at his food rather than eating it. The way Armin looked made Mikasa giggle. Those giggles would sometimes catch Armin by surprise and cause his attention to turn back to his friends, his cheeks now adorn with a deep blush as he was caught staring. But most of the time he’d hardly notice. Sometimes Jean would even stare back.

During passing periods Armin would split off from his small group of friends and walk over to Jean, engaging in a short conversation and even letting the taller boy pet Bean. This especially pissed Eren off, given that Armin would never let him pet Bean while he was working. Whenever Armin chose to stay with Eren and Mikasa, Jean would come and join them instead. The brunette would say hi to Mikasa before kneeling to pet Armin’s dog, looking up at the blond and telling him a joke or asking him a question about a homework assignment. Sometimes Armin would giggle and blush as he talked to the other teenager. Whenever they parted ways he gave a small wave and let out a high sigh. Eren would watch with a red face as Armin’s eyes lingered on Jean’s form for a bit too long after their conversation ended. Those talks seemed to be one of the only things that caused his friend to smile nowadays.

One day after one of Jean and Armin’s regular conversations, Eren kneeled to the ground and began to pet the large service dog that sat by Armin’s side. He hissed as he felt his hand be slapped away.
“E-Eren! What are you doing?” The blond scolded, pouting and wagging a bandaged finger at him. “Don’t distract her when she’s working! You know better than that!” He spoke. Eren blinked and mumbled an apology as the trio began to walk to their next class.
But during PE that day, Armin was happy to let Jean scratch his dog's ear as the taller teenager took a break from running laps to sit beside Armin on the bleachers. Eren stood in the middle of the track as he watched the two talk, Armin sat in his regular spot near the field with a book in his hands while the others ran. He wanted to grab Armin by the collar of his shirt and shake some sense into him right after he smacked Jean across his pretty face. But instead Eren was the one smacked. He let out a surprised cry as Mr. Levi Ackerman: French and PE teacher, slapped his shoulder and shouted at him to continue his laps.

During lunch his disappointment only furthered. Armin was staring off at the table across from theirs once again, his blue eyes half lidded as he held his chin in his hand and let out long sighs. While Eren struggled not to shake in frustration, Mikasa giggled and poked at the small blond. Armin hardly seemed to notice. He just watched the amber eyed male at the other table with a light blush on his cheeks. Eren watched as Sasha nudged Jean and pointed at Armin. Jean’s eyes turned to look at the blond and his face heated up slightly. Those amber eyes carried the same expression Armin’s ocean eyes did. The taller male smiled and waved at the other boy, earning a small wave back.
Mikasa sighed and leaned close to Eren, smiling softly.
“Our Armin’s in love..” the oldest of the trio spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.

Eren almost choked on his food as he heard her words. “L-Love?! He is not in love with that horse! M-Maybe a little crush but he is not in love, Mikasa!” He spat.

“Yes he is.” She told him, reaching out to wave a hand in front of Armin’s face, earning no reaction from the blond. “He doesn’t even notice us.” The noriette chuckled. Mikasa turned to Eren and sighed when she saw her friend shaking his head left and right, denying her words. “Eren, your pupils dilate when you look at someone you love.” She explained, turning to look back at her blond friend. “His pupils dilate when he looks at Jean. Jean’s dilate when he looks at Armin. Mine probably dilate when I look at you. And Eren,” she leaned to look at the brunette whose eyes were plastered on the small blond. The girl let out another sigh. It was a sigh of some sadness, but mostly acceptance. “Eren, your eyes dilate when you look at Armin.” Mikasa whispered.

Eren blushed at her words and leaned closer to Armin, looking into eyes the color of blue topaz. Those eyes confirmed every word she had said. He blushed a bit at her final statement but just nodded.
“You’re right.” He spoke with a small nod.

Armin was in love, wasn’t he? And so was Jean. And so was he.

Chapter Text

Jean could feel his heart thud whenever he looked at the boy. It was a feeling he had gotten a few times before, but a feeling that had never persisted so long. His heart raced and butterflies would rise from his stomach to his throat. His cheeks would heat up as blood rushed to his face. Armin caused some sort of chemical reaction in his body that was almost indescribable. Looking at Armin, drawing him, and speaking to him was like a drug. It was pure ecstasy. And Jean was addicted.

The day he arrived in Berlin and stepped into class, his attention had first been on the girl who sat behind Armin. Her lovely black hair caught his eye and made him sweat, but after a short soccer game and a hospital visit - sapphire blue eyes and golden blond hair was all he could think of. His nose and lips were the color of rose quartz and the brunette found himself fantasizing about kissing those lips and tasting his sweet scent.

Armin quickly became the main feature in his sketchbook. He found himself constantly doodling the blond. His small body and bandaged hands were easy to master, though Jean struggled to capture the beauty in the boy's eyes. There was a sadness that swam within that blue gaze - a longing for something more. It was reflected in his smile as well. He could never translate that tragic look onto paper, but Jean considered that a good thing. In the pages of his sketchbook Armin was happier than he was in real life, he was easier to understand. The more he drew the blond and the more he saw those mysterious eyes, the more he wanted to get to know him.

Jean began to use any excuse to talk to Armin as he could. Though his German was good, he asked Armin for help frequently. His heart would flutter when the boy would lean in and cup a hand around his mouth and Jean’s ear. His soft voice would whisper a translation of their professor's words and would cause a shiver to go down the brunette’s spine.

His face would heat up whenever Armin scooted close to him in order to help him with a math or science problem. Jean would admire the small printed letters made by white hands adorned in pastel bandaids. Sometimes he would glance away from the paper, hardly listening to the intelligent boy's explanation and instead find himself fixated on soft skin and hair. Every now and then he would see his pale cheeks stained pink while the blush that always graced his nose turned a darker shade. They would make eye contact for a moment, only to quickly look away.

But sometimes they wouldn’t look away. The more they got to know each other, the more he felt those eyes on him, and the more his eyes fell on Armin’s petite frame. They would occasionally wave at each other or just sit and stare as their faces grew red and gentle smiles formed on their faces. During their shared glances during lunch or class, Jean found that he could sometimes understand the look in those far off blue eyes. He could feel the pain and sadness in those eyes, but he could especially feel the longing. Jean shared the same longing as Armin did. Though Jean longed for a lot less. He longed for Armin. And through short conversations he learned what Armin longed for.
He longed for the ocean. He longed to explore the world. He longed to be able to run. Most of all, Armin seemed to long for life.

But it seemed like the blond had accepted not being able to have those things. The brunette would watch the smaller teenager babble on about something that excited him and for a split second those eyes would fill with a look of joy. Then in a blink that look would be gone. His big smile would turn to a small one as he let out a long sigh and glanced to the ground.

“Oh well,” he would say, trying his best to keep smiling- though it was a look that held no happiness in it. It was a look made to prevent others from feeling bad for him. And it worked on some people- Sasha and Connie in particular, but it certainly didn’t work on Jean. He would watch Armin walk off, and would feel an ache in his chest. He wanted to make Armin smile. He wanted to help him see the ocean and explore the world. But he didn’t know how.

-

If Armin would’ve known Jean could tell all of that from just looking at his eyes, he probably would’ve come to school wearing sunglasses. As his health got worse, his mental wellbeing quickly followed. The doctors had never given him a definitive answer on how much time he had left. It was always a vague response. During one monthly visit they didn’t think he’d live past twenty one. During the most recent visit, the number had been shortened to twenty. Through an echocardiogram, an X-ray and a blood test a year had been knocked off his life, and Armin was supposed to go home and go to school as if nothing happened. He did exactly that.

Despite dizzy spells and an ever present burning in his chest, he remained at the top of all of his classes. He was granted awards for his academic achievements, every professor who taught him had no doubt that he would be valedictorian of his graduating class. They all told him this, and sure it was a lovely compliment, but Armin wasn’t so sure. Who would know if next month the doctors would tell him that he wouldn’t live past seventeen years old instead of twenty? Things seemed to move that quickly anyways.
Sometimes Armin would dread getting out of bed in the morning. The thought of passing out and worsening his health caused him to feel nauseous. Sometimes the simple thought of going to school during the day caused his pulse to spike and his blood to run cold. There were a number of days where Armin couldn’t get to class due to the panic that surged through his body. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and tears would fall down his face as he sat on the edge of his bed, Bean pawing at his thighs in an effort to alert him that something was wrong.
When he did go to school, he felt sad and sometimes even numb. It felt like a cloud was hanging over his head at all times. Armin tried his best to fight the feeling, talking to his friends and reading his favorite books. It would sometimes help, but most of the time he felt like the world was caving in on him and that sadness was slowly suffocating him. That was until Jean would come over, smiling his handsome smile. His heart would flutter as they spoke and the dread he constantly held within his stomach turned to pleasant butterflies. Jean was happy to listen to him speak, and was happy to speak back. Sometimes the brunette would give him another beautiful drawing, and the rest of his day would be okay. Good even. Until the sun began to set and he was left alone in his bedroom where bookshelves filled to the brim with their namesake decorated the walls, creating haunting shadows on the hardwood floor.

Eren had noticed the look in those eyes that Jean had become familiar with. He mentioned to his father that he thought that Armin might be depressed, and on the very next day Dr. Yeager went to speak with the boy's grandfather and suggested his grandson see a psychiatrist. It was a Thursday after school when Armin drove with his grandfather to an unfamiliar part of the hospital. He visited the woman psychiatrist and was reassured that his feelings were normal.
It was normal for terminally ill patients to be depressed. In fact, it was abnormal for them not to be.
So Armin went home that day with a prescription for yet another medication to add to the overflowing medicine cabinet in his bathroom. Sure, the antidepressants helped a bit, but they never really did too much to prevent him from feeling utterly hopeless. The pills made it possible for him to get up in the morning without a surge of panic running down his spine, and they made the day at school bearable. But no cocktail of medication could stop the thoughts that came while Armin sat alone during PE, watching his classmates play a game of soccer. He would feel so miserable that his head began to ache and his throat burned with the onset of tears. The thought of just dying already - dying by his own hand and by his own choice - began to sound increasingly appealing to Armin as he sat alone on the cold hard metal of the bleachers. It especially felt appealing during sleepless nights when he stared up at the cracks in the ceiling when he felt completely and utterly alone and hopeless.

He was thinking, maybe even fantasizing about that one afternoon during study hall when Jean interrupted his thoughts. He flinched slightly as the brunette sat close to him and smiled.
“Are you going on the field trip?” Jean questioned with a smile.
Though their conversations had always been brief, a matter of sentences before they parted ways, Jean always made him feel better. He always caused his face to heat up slightly as they spoke or looked at each other. He would feel okay, sometimes even happy or excited when he looked or spoke to Jean. But he frowned at the question and shook his head.

“No.” He replied.

Jean’s smile turned to a frown at the blond’s response. He looked into those cryptic blue eyes and tilted his head slightly.
“Why not? We’re going to museum island. You’re a nerd, I thought you would be the first to sign up.” He asked.

Armin sighed softly, chuckling lightly at Jean’s gentle teasing. He had always hated it when people teased him, but when it came from Jean he didn’t seem to mind. His words were endearing, not hurtful.
“I want to go, but I’m too sick.” Armin explained. “I can’t walk for that long. It’s even hard for me to go to the zoo. I don’t think I’d be able to make it through five museums in a single day- yet alone one.” He sighed sadly.

Jean listened with a sympathetic expression, but to Armin’s surprise the light haired brunette began to shake his head.
“I won't take no for an answer. You’re going.”

Armin raised an eyebrow at his words. Had the other boy not understood him? Jean’s German was fantastic but he still wasn’t a native speaker, maybe he had been inconsiderate and spoke too fast or unclearly? Armin began to repeat his words in French, only to blush as red as a tomato when he felt one of Jean’s long fingers press against his lips, promptly shutting him up.

“I understood what you said, and like I told you, I won't take no for an answer. You’re going on the field trip.”
Armin frowned at his words but didn’t dare argue, just nodding his head slowly.

“And do you care telling me how I’ll be able to go?” Armin questioned once Jean finally removed his finger from his lips. He could still feel the pressure of the digit against his mouth and it made his face burn almost painfully.

“There are wheelchairs aren’t there?” Jean spoke. “You can use one. That way you won't have to walk. I’m surprised you didn’t think of that solution yourself with that mind of yours.” The taller boy chuckled, frowning when he saw Armin shaking his head fervently, his golden hair bouncing as he did.

“Hell no!” Armin spat. “I’m not sitting and pushing myself in a damn wheelchair all day. That would be humiliating. Everyone thinks I’m weak enough as it is.” He blushed as he spoke the last sentence aloud, quickly clearing his throat and quieting down to a whisper. “No, I won’t do that.”

Jean admired Armin’s expression. He had never seen the other boy so flustered and angry before. He looked pretty when he was pissed off. He reached his hand out, placing it on one of Armin’s narrow shoulders and squeezing slightly.
“Please Armin? I’ll push you the entire time. I really want to spend some time with you outside of class. Please go, for me.” Jean blushed slightly as he spoke, making direct eye contact with those lovely eyes.

Armin felt as if those amber eyes were staring into his soul. He shivered at the other boy's touch and tried to look away, though he simply couldn’t. Armin was about to shake his head until Jean spoke those final words. Then Armin couldn’t say no. An entire day with Jean seemed lovely. It seemed like a dream.
“Of course I’ll go for you.” The words fell out without a single thought. His blush grew deeper as the light haired brunette smiled widely. God, he had such a handsome smile.
The bell rang, and soon their conversation was over. Jean got up, pointing finger guns at the blond as like some dorky jock as he walked away. Armin tried to get up to make his way towards his next class, but he felt too weak to do so. That touch and that smile had made his legs turn to jelly. He let out a long sigh as he sat alone in the library for a few minutes. Armin couldn’t help but smile. He was going to give up all his pride for some boy he had only known for a matter of months now.
Like it mattered anyway.

Armin felt good for the rest of the day, until PE came and he sat alone again. Things had fallen apart by the time he ate supper with his grandfather. He found that he could hardly say a word to him. He mentioned the field trip, and the old man seemed excited for him, but that was the end of their conversation and Armin soon went to bed.
He did his homework like he always did, double checking and making sure every answer was correct. Then he went to the bathroom to shower, brush his teeth and take his meds. He dried his dripping hair as he opened the medicine cabinet, sighing as his fingers ran across the myriad of pills he took every night and morning. There were ten bottles in total. He took four medications in the morning, and six at night. That cocktail of pills was probably the main thing, apart from his strict ban of most physical activities, that kept him alive. He took the six bottles he needed for the evening, gathering the pills in his hand. He stared at the six capsules in his palm and sighed, the thoughts coming back. What if he took sixty instead of six? Would everything just fade in his sleep? He would no longer have to worry about how soon his death would come. He would have some control in the matter. That was what he wanted to do. It was what he wanted to do every night.

But he didn’t. He took the six pills and chose to live another day. Today wasn’t a good day to die, though as he lay in bed that evening he got to thinking. A day with Jean would be a good day to die. He smiled as he scanned the cracks in his ceiling, nodding his head. Yeah. That would be the perfect day to die. He would get to spend the day with his crush, looking at artifacts and art from all over the world. He would even get to spend a little bit of time with Eren and Mikasa. He could give up seeing the ocean if he had fun that day. Maybe there was an ocean in heaven. Armin didn’t believe much in the afterlife or in any god, but it was slightly comforting. Maybe he would be reincarnated as a child who wasn’t sick, as a child who could see the ocean and swim. That would be amazing. Yeah. That was what he would do.
Armin pulled himself out of bed and went to the colander on his wall. He dug through his sharpies on his desk, grabbing a red one with a smile. He circled Friday, the day of the field trip and proceeded to cross out the rest of the plans he had for that month. Next Friday was all that mattered. That would be the day his suffering ended. It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

-

The first warning sign should’ve been how happy Armin looked that week. It seemed his smile had finally come back, and that there had been a big change for the better.
Eren blamed it on his new medication when Mikasa asked about their friend's change in behavior one day. He knew practically everything about Armin’s condition, hell, he lived on the floor below him and his father was the teenager’s primary physician. He had learned when Armin was put on an antidepressant just through a casual conversation with his father. Sure, it was a violation of HIPPA, but Armin didn’t seem to care.

The second warning sign should’ve been when Armin started giving his books away. Since moving to Berlin, his collection of novels and books of all sorts had tripled. Two bookshelves had become six. Some of those books were Armin’s most coveted and treasured items. But on Tuesday and for the three days following that, Armin began to hand his books out like they were nothing.

Eren and Jean watched in shock when Armin handed a bag full of historical nonfiction novels to Erwin Smith one afternoon with a huge smile on his face. There had been at least ten books in the tote bag he carried with him and he seemed overjoyed to be rid of them. After Armin sat in his chair, Eren grabbed his face and looked deep into those huge blue eyes, asking him what on earth was wrong with him.

“Why the hell would you give your books away? You collect them don’t you?” Eren gritted his teeth as he spoke, jaw going slack when he saw Armin just smile and shake his head.

“I won’t need them anymore. I’ve read all of them. I want them to go to a new home where someone will get some joy out of them.” He smiled. “Hey, if you want you can go through my bookshelves and take whatever you want. I don’t need anything anymore.” Armin told his green eyed friend, glancing over at his other friends. “You can too Mikasa, and you too Marco. And of course Jean can as well.” Armin smiled.

Eren blinked at his words, not knowing what to say and instead simply nodding and walking off back to his seat. That day he would hear about Armin giving just as many books (this time science) to professor Hange along with a dozen books on cleaning, sports and French to Mr. Ackerman.
Eren insisted to Mikasa that Armin had gone mad, but the girl just smiled and shook her head.

“Armin’s probably just decluttering. Levi probably put the idea in his head. You know how much he talks about shit like that.” She reassured him.
Eren had no choice but to nod and agree with her. The girl was much more intelligent than he was and if that’s what she believed, he was sure she was right. Plus she knew Mr. Ackerman and his ways more than anyone. They were related after all. If she thought he had gotten the idea into Armin’s head, Eren believed it. But he was still a little concerned.

The third warning sign was the way Armin hung out with them that week. He seemed much more eager to spend time with Eren and Mikasa than he had for the past months. He wanted to watch them play soccer, he wanted to go to the ice cream parlor near their house together, he wanted the entire shared house to have a barbecue outside together.
Sure, Armin went off to talk to Jean a lot like he usually did and would talk to him for longer periods of time than usual. But his attention wasn’t solely focused on the tall teenager for the first time since Armin had met him.

Eren had to admit that the sudden calmness from Armin was amazing, though it was initially unsettling. For the first time since the school year had begun he felt as if he had his friend back. Eren even began to wonder if his sudden change in behavior was a sign that Armin might like him back? Hell, a week ago he seemed to have no interest in him and now was desperate to spend time together. Maybe the blond’s infatuation with Jean had gone away and was now being directed towards him instead. The more fun he had that week, the less he worried about his friend’s change in behavior and the more he let himself enjoy it.

As the sun set on Wednesday after the family barbecue, Eren sat close to Armin and their hands almost touched. Armin was smiling, watching Mikasa and her father playing soccer. The girl's dad was a fantastic athlete as well- he was an Ackerman after all, and it was nice to watch Mikasa play with someone who actually challenged her for once. As they sat there, Eren felt tempted to take Armin’s hands in his and lean in to kiss the boy, but he didn’t. Instead he smiled at him.
“I’m glad you’re back, Blondie.” Eren spoke, leaning close to his friend. As Eren spoke, Armin’s smile faltered for a moment. It was the first time his exterior had fallen that week and for a moment the sadness returned in his eyes. But he quickly smiled again and wrapped his arms around the brunette in a gentle hug.

“Thanks, Eren.” He spoke, little emotion in his normally expressive voice. Then Armin pulled away from the embrace, standing up and waving goodbye as he entered their home. “Goodnight.” His departure was abrupt, but Eren’s head was fogged by the pleasure of the hug he hardly cared. God, he loved that boy. The rest of Armin’s odd actions that week went unnoticed.

Eren hardly cared or even noticed when Armin began referring to himself in the past tense that Thursday.
‘I was going to see the ocean’
‘I was going to be valedictorian’
He hardly noticed the nervousness and relief that seemed to be plastered on Armin’s face as Friday approached. The blond had always been a little strange. He was a huge nerd, so of course he was excited about the field trip on Friday. There wasn’t anything else that would be happening on that day.

Jean hardly noticed anything either. Of course it was a little confusing seeing Armin suddenly act so happy, but it was also incredibly refreshing. Though that strange, sad and distant look never left Armin’s eyes, his smile seemed genuine and happy. He seemed relieved, as if some horrible struggle was finally coming to an end. Maybe his health was getting better? Or hell, maybe he had gotten a good grade on one of his tests for a hard class he took. Jean wasn’t sure, but he was glad to see it. Another idea came to mind as he watched the joy and nervousness rise in the blond’s face as Friday approached. Maybe he was excited for the field trip? Maybe that was the reason he had been acting so happy. It was clear Armin had very little to look forward to in life, so maybe the adventure of a simple field trip was enough to make him smile like he was? If so, that would be great. Jean had convinced Armin to go, so that meant he was responsible for the boy’s joy - not Eren.
Eren always seemed to compete with him over the blond’s affection and it was annoying. He wouldn’t give up on Armin because of it - in fact it would make him fight for it even more- but it was exhausting at times. Eren would try to pick a fight whenever possible. Whenever Jean gave Armin a drawing as a gift, the very next day Eren would give Armin a new book. Obviously, Jean knew that a purchased book could never compete with a drawing he had taken time and effort to make, but it still pissed him off that the maniac would even attempt to win Armin’s affection. He seriously needed to fuck off and let him have the blond to himself.

On Thursday night Armin invited Jean, Sasha, Marco and Connie over to pick out which books he wanted from his collection as well as whatever he wanted from his room in general. Jean was glad to see that the drawings he had given Armin were off limits to take. Sasha had tried to take the drawing of Bean off the wall, but the blond quickly swatted her hand away and shook his head.
Jean reached for a book he recognized. It was one that Eren had gifted him as a way to compete with the drawing Jean had given the day before. He took it in his hands and showed it to Armin.
“Can I have this one?” He asked.

Armin turned to look at the book and smiled gently, nodding his head. “Of course you can, Jean.” He spoke. Jean swooned at the boy’s sweet voice and placed the book in his backpack, telling himself he would throw it in the dumpster on the way out.

As everyone else left, Jean remained. He acted as if he was taking his time, scanning through the hundreds of books placed neatly on shelves. Armin had given away around fifty since Monday, but it was hardly a dent in his collection. He glanced over at Armin, seeing the small teenager sit on his bed and look distantly out the window. His dog sat firmly on his lap and his small hands would occasionally stroke his dog’s fur. That sad look in his eyes was back. He sighed gently as he saw that expression. It was one of complete hopelessness. Jean had felt that way a number of times in his life, but he could only imagine how often Armin had felt it. He let his eyes shift towards another bookshelf, finding that he couldn’t look at that heartbroken expression for one more second. He stopped when his fingers brushed against two novels.
They were old, their titles written in French. Jean slowly pulled them out of the shelf, brushing his hands against their binding. They looked valuable like many of the books in Armin’s collection, but these two were special. They looked like they could sell for a couple hundred dollars, but their numerical value was far less than their personal value.
“Le Morte D’Arthur,” Jean read aloud. Armin’s head turned as he heard the brunette read in his native tongue. His words were like honey. They sent chills down his spine. Then Jean spoke again.
“La Belle Au Bois Dormant,” he spoke, turning to the blond and smiling softly. He made his way to the bed and sat beside the blond. Armin’s eyes looked into his own for a moment before falling to the novels Jean held in his hands.

“My grandfather gave me Le Morte D’Arthur just before we moved to Berlin,” he explained with a small smile. “I loved that book.” Armin sighed sadly, looking back up to Jean. “Cherish it, okay? And when you’re done with it, give it to someone you love.” He instructed, reaching out to take the book in his hands for one last time. It was all becoming real to him. His plan would be carried out the next day. Today would be his last full day on earth. He was scared, but he was also relieved.

Jean listened closely as Armin spoke, watching those small hands take the book and grip it tightly. He wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he stayed quiet.
“What about this one?” He asked.

Armin glanced over, reading the title and sighing. “La Belle Au Bois Dormant- Sleeping Beauty,” the French rolled off his tongue so smooth it sounded like he had been speaking the language his entire life. “My grandmother gave that one to me before she died.” He explained. “I was really sick in the hospital. I was in a coma for a week, and when I woke up she gave me this book. It belonged to her mother and her mother before her. She said I reminded her of Briar Rose even though I was a boy because I have yellow hair, blue eyes and my nose is always a little pink.” Armin chuckled fondly at the memory. “I've had it since I was five.”

Jean sighed gently at his words, moving to wrap his larger hand around one of Armin’s, stroking the soft skin with his thumb and smiling softly.
“I thought of sleeping beauty when I went to see you in the hospital after the soccer game.” He admitted with a little blush. “You were just as beautiful as Briar Rose, even though you’re a boy.” Jean chuckled.

The brunette’s words and touch made Armin’s heart pound and his face blush a deep pink. He swallowed hard, avoiding eye contact as he whispered.
“Really?”

“Yeah.” Jean sighed, reaching to brush some of the boy's hair out of his face so he could see him better. Armin leaned into his touch and let out a long sigh, finally looking up at Jean.

“You weren’t there when I woke up, so I suppose you never kissed me and saved me.” He spoke, looking into those amber eyes as he let his hand entangle their fingers with the hand of the artist beside him.

“Yeah, I never did. I didn’t think you needed saving back then.” Jean spoke, his glance transfixed on those sad, sapphire eyes. “But I’d like to now. You look like you need saving..” he told him. Those blue eyes said it all. Despite the change in behavior, Armin was still sad. They did need saving. Jean reached out to cup his cheek, leaning down and closer to the other. “Can I kiss you?” He asked softly.

Every part of Armin wanted to nod his head and say yes, but the thought of what he was going to do the next day made him shake his head. He didn’t want Jean to kiss him and feel like they had a future together, only to find out he had died Friday evening.
“No..” he whispered. “I’m not a damsel in distress. But you can kiss me when I don’t need saving, alright?” Armin promised him, though his promise was empty. He needed Jean to know he wanted him and that he wasn’t fully being rejected.

Jean sighed softly as Armin said no, but perked up a bit at his final words. He pulled his hand away from the blond’s cheek and nodded, smiling softly.
“That’s fine with me.” He told him, placing the other book that was in his hands on Armin’s lap as he began to stand up.

Armin stared at the books in his lap. “H-Hey..” he spoke as Jean began to leave. He clasped onto the old novels with gentle hands, reaching out to hand them to the Frenchman who stood in the doorway. “I don’t need these anymore. Take them.” He told him. Jean just shook his head.

“I think you do need them. Hold onto them for a bit longer, okay?” He told Armin, leaving before the other had time to respond. He began to walk home, pulling the novel that had been gifted to Armin from Eren out of his backpack. Jean chuckled as he stared at it, flipping to the front page and letting out an amused chuckle when he saw Eren’s childish handwriting written on the page. He tossed it into the trash with a snicker

Chapter Text

Armin’s heart thudded as he got out of bed. It was Friday. Today was the day. Today was the day he was going to take control back and end it all. The anxiety he felt made him sick to his stomach, but he still managed to pull himself out of bed and go to the bathroom.
He showered, making sure he smelt clean and looked nice. He wanted people to remember him as someone who looked presentable, as someone who made somewhat of an effort to look nice. He even sprayed a bit of sweet smelling cologne on his wrist to add to the facade.

Armin dried and combed his hair and gathered his clothes. He picked out his favorite sweater. It was too big for him like most of his clothes were, but it was comfy and the dark dusty pink looked nice in contrast with his light skin and hair. He wore jeans that were about the same color as his eyes that he cuffed at the ankle. After putting on a pair of socks he went to grab a pair of beaten up converse that he had owned since seventh grade. When he went to put them on he was surprised that they actually felt a bit small. Had he grown for the first time in years? It didn’t really matter anymore, but normally he would’ve been excited. Armin yanked the small shoe off and went to pull on a newer pair. They were the type of shoes to dig at your ankle until you broke them in, and normally he would have decided to wear something else but he didn’t care today. He wouldn’t do much walking anyways so there was no need to worry about blisters, plus the shoes went nice with his outfit. After checking his outfit in the mirror he went to put the vest and leash on Bean before joining his grandfather in the kitchen.

Armin had asked for his pancakes that day, and he was excited to see that his grandpa honored his request and made them.
He sat next to his grandfather, eating those perfect golden brown pancakes for what he presumed to be the last time. After clearing his dish he smiled and wrapped his thin arms around the frame of the elderly man.
“I love you.” He told him. He would be seeing him that evening, but it was just a precaution. The older and older his grandfather got, the earlier and earlier his bedtime had become. Armin wasn’t sure when he would be home that night so he wanted to make sure his grandfather knew how much he cared in case he was asleep when he arrived back home.

Armin left and joined Eren and Mikasa at the bus stop. It was the type of day where no one wore their backpack to school due to the lack of work they had to complete. Despite being a nerd who loved to learn, those were always Armin’s favorite days.
Eren sat next to his friend on the bus and playfully wrapped an arm around him, pulling Armin close and ruffling his hair. As the bus moved, Armin didn’t have much to say. He just enjoyed sitting beside his best friend in the entire world as the city zoomed outside the window.
He was quiet as they arrived to homeroom, though he made sure he would speak to everyone at least once today when the time presented itself. Everyone babbled excitedly about being able to go on a trip rather than doing some stupid homework, but Mr. Smith interrupted that thought and explained the essay they would be writing about one of the pieces they saw in the museum that day. Armin, who always took notes during class, hardly paid attention to the requirements of the assignment. He wouldn’t be doing it anyways, so it didn’t matter.
As everyone arrived to class Mr. Smith began to do a head count and Mr. Ackerman soon arrived. He would be the other teacher shaparoning the trip along with professor Hange. Armin couldn’t complain, though Eren sure did. Eren hated Mr. Ackerman and he was sure to let everyone know about it.
Armin was happy to get to see Mr. Smith and Mr. Ackerman interact for a day. There had always been rumors flying around school that the two liked each other, and the way they behaved around each other reminded him of himself and Jean. They would say a few words every now and again, sometimes give each other knowing glances and occasionally burst out into fits of laughter. It was cute to watch.

After a half an hour, everyone had been accounted for apart from Jean and professor Hange. Armin felt nervousness rise in his body as Hange walked through the door without Jean. He felt like he could have a full on panic attack any second, but was relieved when the tall brunette quickly rushed through the door, mumbling an apology to the three shaparons and rushing over to his seat. He gave Armin one of his signature handsome smiles and leaned close to him, handing him a small piece of paper and asking him if he wanted to sit next to him on the bus. The blond smiled and nodded eagerly. As Jean leaned back in his seat Armin smiled and began to unfold the paper. It was yet another one of Jean’s drawings, though this one was small enough to fit in his pocket, though it was just as beautiful as all of the other pieces.
It was a drawing of him sitting on the bed with his dog in his lap as he stared longingly out the window. Jean must’ve seen him sitting like this yesterday. He sighed softly, turning it over and blushing when he saw the words ‘La Belle Au Bois Dormant’ written on the back in Jean’s slick handwriting.

“I love it.” He told him as the class began to sit up and walk as a group to the bus. Armin took a seat near the back and Jean quickly sat beside him. Eren let out an audible groan as he made his way onto the bus and sat the two sitting next to each other. He took the seat in front of the two, scooting to the window so he was able to turn his head around and see Armin and talk to him. But as the bus began to move, Armin seemed to care very little about speaking.
At first he glanced out the window, looking at the city that surrounded them for one of the last times, before he leaned his body close to Jean's, putting his head on the taller boy's shoulder and resting his eyes.
Jean smiled at the other, wrapping an arm around his small frame and resting his head against the top of Armin’s.
The ride was pleasant. They sat close with Bean sitting at their feet, giving additional warmth to the chill winter day.
Eren hated the sight of the two being so affectionate. After learning about Jean’s extended stay at their house the other day, he had lost hope in the idea that Armin might’ve lost feelings for Jean. And the scene playing out behind him confirmed it. But there was something about the blond’s face that kept the anger from bursting out of him.
Armin looked content. He looked peaceful. Eren didn’t have the heart to disrupt that. Happiness was all he wanted for the blue eyed male. So he looked away and didn’t say a word.

The noise within bus became increasingly loud as they finally arrived at museum island and the bus dropped everyone off. Armin’s breath hitched as the group walked to the first museum. The sight was lovely. It was still foggy due to the early morning, but the sight was lovely. As they walked across the bridge Armin admired the television tower in the distance and the wide dome of the Bode museum, the first attraction they would be visiting.
He got a few steps in, walking across the bridge and up to the Bode museum before Levi and Jean promptly told him it was time to sit. Armin winced as he remembered the wheelchair, but he took a deep breath and nodded. He almost wanted to shake his head as a museum employee brought the chair out for him, but he didn’t. He sucked up his pride and sat down. He stared at his lap, feeling a million eyes on him, though when he looked up there wasn’t a single set apart from those of Jean and Eren. As Jean gripped onto the push handles he leaned over Armin and smiled.

“See? No one cares.” The tall teenager reassured. Armin gave a nod and glanced around the room where his fellow classmates chatted and smiled. People would occasionally glance at him, only to smile and offer a small wave. No one spared him a second glance. Relief washed through him.

“Yeah,” he responded, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached out to wrap Bean’s leash around one of the arm rests, tying a knot and making sure there was enough slack for her to walk along with them. It wasn’t his first time in a wheelchair with his dog at his side. Everytime he remembered something like that, the thought that it would be his last time came to mind. It made his stomach turn in anxiety. His eyes shot up from the floor as he heard the deep voice of Mr. Ackerman direct the students.

“Alright brats, let’s get going.” His voice echoed as he began to walk near the front alongside the taller blond professor. Hange stood at the back, chatting with some of the slower students. Jean, Marco, Eren, Mikasa and him were in the middle of the group. As the taller male began to push him, he took advantage of not having to walk and glanced around at all the other students. Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie stood at the front. Sasha and Connie were at the back along with Ymir and Historia. Other students he wasn’t as familiar with filled the gaps. He took a look at their faces and thought about each and every one of them.

Reiner had a tough exterior but was one of the sweetest guys he had ever met. He was protective over Armin, as if they had been friends for their entire lives. The other blond would always check up on him when he wasn’t feeling well. Armin had heard that Reiner was almost always the one to carry him to the nurses office after he would faint or pass out.
Bertholdt was kind. The boy was incredibly tall for his age and intimidating like Reiner, but he was intelligent. Him and Armin would often swap and converse about books.

Annie was the girl everyone was afraid of, but Armin knew who she was and wasn’t scared of her in the slightest. He liked the girl and he was one of the only people she would open up to. Armin had once thought, and still believed, that she would’ve been the girl he ended up with if he was straight. Annie had been Armin’s first kiss, and Armin still remembered that kiss vividly. Though they weren’t compatible, they still remained fairly close friends and were able to confide in each other.

Sasha was one of his best friends out of homeroom. She was eccentric and fun to be around. She had two true loves: food and archery. Though she always tried to pet Bean when she was working, Armin who would normally be irritated found it somewhat endearing. The blond enjoyed his conversations he had with the girl and was always happy to help her on homework whenever she needed.

Connie was Sasha’s best friend and the two were like twins in the way they acted. Connie was just the male version of Sasha who liked food a considerable amount less than her. Armin always loved watching them have fun together. He was somewhat close with Connie, it wasn’t hard to get along with the guy, though a bit of a rivalry had been forced upon them as the other students betted on who would grow the tallest. For a while, it had seemed like Armin was going to be on top for once in his life, but after the summer of Freshman year, Connie had grown five inches overnight and likely had at least a few more inches to go.

Ymir and Armin had a surprising relationship. Though she much preferred being with Historia at all times and didn’t have many close friends outside of the pretty blond girl, she had opened up to Armin and they had grown close. It was almost like a mother and son kind of bond. During eighth grade, everyone sat in a group talking about their crushes. Ymir had proudly proclaimed that she had a crush on Historia. Armin stared at her with a stupid expression.

“A girl can like girls?” He had asked.

“Yep!” She responded with a toothy grin.

“Can a boy like boys?”

“Yep!” She stated.

That had been the day Armin had first questioned his sexual and romantic orientation. After a bit of exploration, Armin had realized he was gay and Ymir was the first person he came out to. And ever since that day the two had conversations about being queer in a straight dominated world. She helped answer all his questions about relationships, flirting and how to stay safe. Her advice seemingly worked and Armin had yet to have a real homophobic experience say for the few unavoidable micro aggressions.

Historia was a sweet girl that Armin instantly got along with. She had been one of the first people to introduce themselves to him after he had first moved to Berlin. She gave him a tour of the school and always offered to sit with him when he was left out of some sort of activity. Though he disliked being constantly compared to her and even being misidentified as her on a frequent basis, he did not hold it against her whatsoever. He imagined she had the same problem and maybe one day, when she had grown into a woman and he had grown into a man, they would joke about it.

But that wasn’t going to happen. Not anymore.

-

Armin admired the art as Jean pushed him down the halls. Within the dome there were two grand staircases. Bronze statues of men and women stood at every corner near the pillars that gave support to the level above their heads, and in the center sat a large bronze statue of a man riding a horse. Ymir, watching how close Jean and Armin had gotten, almost made a crude joke about the statue but was quickly shut down by Historia when she mentioned the joke to the petite blonde before speaking it aloud.

They continued to move through the museum and were greeted with a long hall with walls painted a dusty blue. Throughout the exhibit lay statues and paintings dating back from the Byzantine empire. Jean was just as interested in the art as Armin was and took his time, walking slowly from piece to piece and reading the plaque beneath them.

As they entered another room the teenagers around him laughed and talked amongst themselves. The trio at the front chuckled about something, and even Annie was smiling. Connie and Sasha began doing some strange dance around the statue of Jesus. It looked like a bird of paradise’s mating dance or some sort of summoning spell. Ymir and Historia stood by the statue of a bare breasted woman. Ymir smirked at her girlfriend and teasingly reached up to poke the nipple of the marble woman, earning a cackle from the blonde girl at her side. Mikasa took her time to read each plaque below statues and paintings while Eren stared at the nakedness of both male and female statues with wide eyes.

Everyone, even Armin, was laughing as they exited the museum. Armin had a chance to stand up and stretch his legs between the first and the second museum. It was a decent sized walk and Armin was thrilled to get a chance to use his legs and smell the fresh air. An excited smile formed on his face as Mr. Smith began to explain the contents of the next museum. It contained both classical antiques from Ancient Greece and Rome as well as a number of historical Islamic art. Though it wasn’t the museum Armin was especially looking forward to, it still made him want to squeal with excitement like the nerd he was.

Armin let out a small pout as he had to sit in another wheelchair once they entered the structural masterpiece of the second museum. He wanted to walk through this exhibit but he knew if he tried either Levi, Jean or Eren - if not all three - would scold him and sit him back down. He would wait until the fifth and final museum to walk.
As Jean pushed him through the halls he almost gasped at the sight of the blue tile wall. It was a reconstruction from a gate in Babylon. Though it wasn’t authentic, it was breathtaking and Armin couldn’t help but admire every small tile and piece that filled the wall.

As they went to the next hall, more statues greeted them. Though the noses on most of the statues had fallen victim to time, they were all preserved amazingly. It was hard to understand how something could survive the test of time for so long. As Jean pushed him through the exhibit, giving him enough time to read about the art that interested him the most, Eren blurted a question.

“Hey, why are the dicks on all these old sculptures so freaking small?” He spoke louder than he intended to as he walked over to Armin, causing the group around him to laugh. Armin giggled at his friend's words.

“It’s because-“ he blushed as Ymir, Historia, Reiner, Bertholdt, Connie and Sasha came rushing over to hear his explanation. Even Mr. Smith, Mr. Ackerman and Professor Hange stepped forward to listen. “W-Well they used to think that penis size indicated intelligence and character. Men with larger genitals were seen as foolish and lustful while men with smaller genitals were seen as rational and masculine.” Armin explained with a blush.

“I must be foolish and lustful.” Reiner proclaimed, causing the entire group to laugh. Even the stern Mr. Ackerman let out a small chuckle at the joke.

-

As they walked through the rest of the museum, they soon reached the Pergamon Altar, the main attraction of the second museum. Armin smiled as he watched tourists and locals climb the steps of the altar to look around and take photos. On the panels of the sides of the altar, depictions of mythology had been carved in, creating a work of art Armin could hardly understand the creation of.
As his classmates climbed up the steps of stone, Armin felt desperate to join them. They were preparing for a class photo and like always, it looked like he was going to be left out. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he shouldn’t be involved in any photos that were taken today.
But Jean stood by his side, gripping the push handles and standing with a pleasant look on his face. Armin turned to look at him.

“You should go up there. You belong with the class. I’ll be okay down here.” He tried to reassure the other, only for the other to shake his head firmly.

“Nope, I’m not going without you.” He spoke.

“D-Don’t be stubborn. Go up there. I shouldn’t.” Armin spoke in a harsher tone, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked at the other. The response he got from Jean wasn’t what he expected. What came out were words he had never heard before in his life.

“Armin, would you rather die risking it all or live for a little while longer having never taken a risk in your life?” He asked. “Would you rather die having done nothing, or die doing something you’ve always wanted to do?”
Armin opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out.
“I think you know the answer. I think you’ve known since we played soccer together.” Jean’s words were true. No truer words had ever been spoken.
“Now get your ass up and get up on that altar with me and risk it all for a photo, or stay here, safe, and sit feeling left out like always. It’s your choice. I’ll respect either one.”

Armin stared up at those steps, counting each and every one of them. There were only thirty. They were steep as hell and Armin knew he would be dizzy by the time he reached the top, but he wanted to get a closer look at those carvings, and he wanted to join his class - his friends for a picture.
“I've always wanted to risk it all.” Armin spoke with a blink.

“I know.” Jean smirked, letting go of the handles and offering a hand to Armin.

Armin took his hand without a second thought. He pulled himself out of the wheelchair and followed Jean closely. They walked up the steep steps together despite the protest of Mr. Ackerman below and Eren and Mikasa above.
By the time they reached the top his heart was thudding and his lungs burned, but his smile was wide as he disobeyed the words of others, instead listening to his desires and doing what he wanted for a change. Once Armin stood at the top step he began to laugh and before he knew it a photo of their group had been taken. His face was twisted with laughter and his and Jean’s hand were still firmly clasped together.

Armin sat at the top step of the altar with Jean at his side as Eren screamed at the two of them- though Jean was definitely the main target of his rant- about how reckless their actions had been. But Armin didn’t care. He sat close to Jean with a grin. Once Eren had finally shut up and walked back down, the blond leaned close to Jean and smiled softly.

“I’m willing to risk it all to get up here, but I think I’d rather not risk it trying to get back down.” He chuckled. Jean smiled at his words and gave him a nod. He stood up and bent down to pick the blond up. Armin blushed as red as a tomato as Jean swept him up, carrying him in bridal style down those steep steps in a quarter of the time it took Armin to walk up them in the first place. He covered his mouth to prevent himself from laughing, but giggles slipped out as he squirmed in Jean’s arms. “I-I wasn’t telling you to carry me!” He laughed once they reached the final step and he was put back on his feet.

“Oh sorry, language barrier.” Jean teased him and Armin walked back to the wheelchair.

-

Armin had a smile on his face for the next few hours. Even the thought of what was going to happen later that night couldn’t erase the smile off his face, that was until it did. The sun began to set as they got to the end of the fifth and final museum. Armin sat in his chair, enjoying the exhibits around him but not saying a word. When they got to the bust of Nefertiti, Armin could feel his heart race against his chest. He had heard about the mysterious bust and had been desperate to see it from the moment he moved to Berlin. Without warning he jumped from the chair that Jean pushed and rushed his way to the center of the room, getting as close to the artifact as he possibly could. It was one of the only remaining depictions of the Great Royal Wife of Pharaoh Akhenaten. If the authenticity could be confirmed, it was one of the greatest and most well preserved artifacts of ancient Egypt. He stared at it, studying it as if he could discover the secrets of the bust. Ultimately, he found nothing. But he was satisfied. He was satisfied, even happy with how the day had turned out. And at that moment he was satisfied with his life and how it had turned out.

As they left the museum, Armin was finally able to walk again. The air was pleasant compared to the morning's winter chill. The sun was sinking further into the sky as the group made their way to the bus. Once they reached the bus and sat down, Armin began to feel that calm- almost serene feeling- he had felt as they left the museum, begin to crumble away. Though he sat next to Jean, the person who seemed to put a smile on his face more than anyone in the past few months, panic and a deep feeling of sadness still managed to surge through him.
He was really going to go through with it wasn’t he? He was going to die tonight. It felt like a relief- but at the same time he was terrified.
He tried to remind himself that it would be okay, that this would eliminate the suffering he had felt. That in a few hours he would never feel the anxiety or sadness he was feeling at that very moment. In a few hours Armin would no longer burden the people he loved and they would finally be rid of him.
The reassuring thoughts did little to calm him. They didn’t stop the hands that rested in his lap from trembling and his heart- the heart that had been the cause of all the pain in his life- from racing in his chest. For a moment he thought he was going to lose it and break down. He would have one of those panic attacks that left him a bedridden, sobbing mess, in front of everyone. The humiliation of that would probably cause him to die then and there. And maybe that was a good thing. The idea of god had become more and more appealing over the past days, and if the Christian god existed, maybe dying here completely humiliated, would grant him a better chance at heaven. The chance of heaven would certainly be better if that were to happen, rather than downing a concoction of pills like he had originally planned.
He felt his chest tighten, it grew harder to breathe. Armin’s thoughts were erratic and he was moments away from beginning to hyperventilate and maybe even cry, but the onset of his panic attack was suddenly interrupted.

As they sat together without making a sound, Jean admired Armin who seemed to be in his own world. He looked calm at first, but that exterior seemed to shatter right before his eyes. Those blue orbs filled with panic, as if he had some heart shattering realization. His body stiffened and his small hands trembled as they fidgeted. Jean watched as the rise and fall of his chest became increasingly labored as Armin’s dog promptly stood up from her seat at the boy’s feet. She began to scratch at his lap like a dog begging for food, but instead she was trying to bring her owner back to reality. Jean watched as Armin had little reaction to the shepherd’s attention. In a single swift movement, Jean took one of Armin’s small, shaking hands in his own. He gave it a squeeze and watched as the blond blinked and turned to look at him.
Though those eyes were still panicked, he no longer seemed to be in a trance. Jean smiled.

“You’re okay,” he told him, speaking in his native tongue. No one else needed to understand what he said apart from Armin. This was just between them. “We had a fun day today, didn’t we?” He watched as those big eyes softened, smiling as the boy's shaking hand began to respond to his touch and squeeze back.

“Y-Yeah..” he responded with a small nod. His chest still felt heavy, but Jean seemed to interrupt his anxiety, allowing him to breathe full, satisfying, breaths again.

“I want you to think about what I said today. Would you rather die having risked it all, or live for a little while having never taken a risk? Would you rather die having done nothing, or die having done something you’ve always wanted to do?”

Armin blinked at his words, remembering the fun he had after Jean had first spoken them. He had already answered the question, but he didn’t understand Jean’s point.
“What is there to think about?” He asked.

“I think you feel like you have no control in your life.” Jean explained. “I’m trying to tell you that you do. There are so many things you want to do in your life, and I think a lot of people have told you that you can’t do them. But I’m telling you that you can. You have control, not over everything, but you do have control of a lot of things.”

Armin was speechless. He didn’t - he couldn’t say a word. So he just listened.

“You don’t have control of when you die, none of us do, but you do have control over what you do before you die. Be a little reckless sometimes! Like we were when we walked up the altar today. Or find a way to make what you want to do accessible, like using a wheelchair- or hell- being carried, when you can’t walk a long distance.”

“B-But being reckless is-“

“-Isn’t a bad thing. There’s a big difference between being reckless and being stupid. Being reckless can have a good or a bad outcome, being stupid can only have a bad one.” He smiled a toothy grin, before blushing a bit at the amount he had been talking and how enthusiastic his words had become. Jean went silent for a moment before he picked up again, his voice gentle and kind.
“You can still go to the beach, Armin. Maybe the folks you live with and your doctors won’t support it. Maybe they say it’ll be bad for you, but I think living a life you’re not satisfied with is just as bad. Who knows the outcome until you try it? And if they don't support you, I will. Sasha will. Connie will. And so will Marco.” He smiled.

Armin looked starstrucked.
“I-I can go to the beach?” He stumbled on his words. No one had ever told him that he could do that. Everyone had always told him ‘maybe one day’ or ‘we’ll see’ but no one had told him that he could. But Jean just had. It made his heart race and his cheeks blush. When Jean nodded his head Armin felt the need to lean in and kiss him.
He had control over his own life. No one else did. He didn’t have control over his death, but no one did. Why hadn’t he thought about that before? He had felt so out of control in his life that he was going to take control of his death instead- but Jean was now telling him that he did have control. And Jean was right. It had been Armin’s choice to walk up the altar with the other. Sure, it took some convincing but he wasn’t forced into it. He wanted to. And nothing bad had happened. In fact Armin had fun! It had been reckless, but not stupid.

“I think you’ve been so focused on when you will die and your lack of control in death, that you haven’t focused on living.” He spoke. “You always look so sad. Your eyes have this look to them. I feel like if I stare into them for too long I might start to cry. But sometimes I’ll look into your eyes and all I want to do is smile. Like the night of varsity tryouts, or the first game you watched us play, or hell- when we played soccer. You looked so happy then.” Jean chuckled. “I know that you’re sick and it’s easier said than done, but you need to live your life, Armin.” He didn’t know what had possessed him to give the blond beside him a pep talk, but the look he had seen on Armin’s face just minutes earlier had been the look that made Jean want to cry. When he saw Armin’s face, he could tell that he wasn’t thinking about something good. He needed Armin to know that he could still be happy before the night ended and they parted ways.

Armin was speechless once again. His eyes shone as he looked at Jean. He found himself admiring the beauty of the man beside him. He had a long face with a brilliant Roman nose and full lips. His hair was a light brown, styled into an undercut that had slowly begun to grow out. It had been a few months since Jean moved to Germany, and he doubted that the boy had gotten a haircut since his arrival. Jean’s eyes were light brown like his hair, though in the sun they appeared amber. He had two lobe piercings on both ears and wore primarily black and dark clothes, giving him an almost punk look. Today Jean wore a well fitting black sweater and a pair of dark jeans. His jawline was sharp and at sixteen years old he stood just below six foot, though Armin knew a growth spurt was bound to happen within the next few months. In the darkening light of the sky outside with the occasional illumination of quick moving streetlights, Jean looked the most handsome Armin had ever seen him look.

“Armin?” He heard the teenager speak. “You’re staring at me. Did I say something wrong?” Jean questioned.

Armin shook his head before he leaned to rest it on one of Jean’s broad shoulders.
“No. Everything you said was true.” He finally spoke. Jean’s hand was still clenched to his, and Armin couldn’t get enough of it. “I-“ he was about to confess to the plan he had for that night, but quickly shut his mouth. If what the brunette had told him was true, if he could be reckless and enjoy his life and no longer fear death, then that was exactly what he was going to do. No one needed to know about what he had planned. No one needed to know why he had given away so many books and had been more talkative that week. Armin would keep it to himself for now. Maybe he would tell Jean one day, but he didn’t need to know today.

“You what?” Jean questioned.

Armin looked up, making sure Jean could see his eyes.
“What you said, I really needed it. Thank you.” He spoke. Though it was a derivation from what he had originally intended to say, no part of his statement was a lie.

“I know.” Jean spoke, squeezing the smaller hand. He looked into those blue eyes. Though they still had the familiar look of sadness deep within them, a look of hope was also present. Not only that, but a look of curiosity and excitement was also present. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

As the bus stopped and everyone began to load off in order to go their separate ways, they sat, staring in each other's eyes for a moment. But Jean finally stood up, and Armin followed. Once they were off the bus Armin watched as Eren and Mikasa motioned for him to join them as they walked over to Carla’s car, but Armin hesitated. He turned to Jean and wrapped his arms around him, shamelessly burying his face in the other's chest. Jean hugged back, holding the other close in his arms.

“Do you want to hang out sometime?” Jean asked.

Armin looked up and smiled.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” He told him, slowly pulling away from their embrace and running off to join Eren and Mikasa.

That night, Armin took six pills instead of sixty. He didn’t write a note and he didn’t say goodbye to anyone for one last time. Though some tears were shed, he went to bed that night with a new outlook on life.

He was going to live his life. Sure, it was going to be a short one but that was okay. He was going to do what he wanted to do, and Jean was going to help him. They were going to be reckless. And Armin couldn’t wait.

Chapter Text

Armin’s eyes shot open as he heard the shrieking of his morning alarm, an alarm he didn’t think he would hear ever again. His heart thudded and his breaths felt labored, as if there was a heavy weight on his chest. It took a few minutes for the teenager's body to settle down and for his eyes to get adjusted to the sunlight peeking through the curtains, but Armin was soon able to sit up and turn off the blasting alarm.
It was a Monday morning. The weekend had gone by in a flash and everything felt as if it were in a haze. Armin had felt as if he was almost floating on air as he journeyed around his flat through the weekend. Everything seemed different following Friday, it was like he had a new set of eyes. He appreciated everything more and was confident in his decision to stick around. Armin felt calm. That feeling of tranquility had been rudely interrupted by pain in his feet and deep in his muscles. The shoes he wore on Friday had given him blisters on his heels, some that made the skin loose and others that scabbed over and bled if he walked too much. The other pains Armin felt throughout his body was not as easily explained. Maybe he was getting sick, or maybe he had walked too much on Friday. The deep aches were explained when Armin dressed that morning.
His jeans fit differently than before. They usually needed to be cuffed at the ankle due to being too long, but today they stopped at the perfect spot. Armin glanced in the mirror in order to check the fit of the pants. Maybe they were new? Something his grandfather had put into his closet during school. Nope. They were Armin’s favorite pair of jeans, a light denim that sat high on his waist. They felt more snug and now Armin could see why. He was taller. Armin couldn’t help but grin when he saw this. He had grown at least half an inch, though he wouldn’t be shocked if it was more than that. Armin was still awfully short for a kid his age, yet it was far better than nothing. Suddenly he felt as if his hair was a bit too long. His hair had been cut just below his ears for as long as he could remember, and he had been tired of its appearance for a while. But now was not the time for an impromptu haircut, he could do that later. The blond threw on a sweater and some shoes, put on Bean’s harness and ran out the door. He met up with his friends by the bus stop.
“He’s alive!” Mikasa cheered with a smile. Her words caused Armin to blush and stare at her in disbelief. He was about to open his mouth to question her, before growing more flustered as Eren approached him. The older teen stood mere centimeters away from him with a puzzled look on his face.
“Eren, what are you-“ Armin chirped, watching the brunette look over at Mikasa.
“Is he taller than he was before?” he questioned.
Mikasa raised an eyebrow at the question and moved closer to the two boys. She hummed as she examined their heights, eventually nodding. Armin smiled at her nods, yet couldn’t help but feel small and meek next to his best friends. Mikasa was nearly seventeen and stood at 5’8. Eren was just a little above a month younger than her and stood an inch taller. Even if Armin had grown an inch taller, he would barely be 5’5 with the top of his head hardly reaching Eren’s eyebrows.
Eren smiled at Mikasa’s judgment and looked down at Armin, his grin faltering a little when he saw the blush on the blond’s cheeks and the pout on his lips.
“What’s with the long face? I’m happy for you!” He wrapped an arm around Armin’s shoulder and pulled him close just as the bus arrived.

The three climbed onto the bus and sat in their usual spot in the back of the bus. Seats that could fit two teenagers lined the bus, with one large seat that could fit four to five in the back. There they sat with Eren in the middle, Mikasa to the left and Armin to the right. The ride would usually be filled with conversation, but today was a bit of a sleepy monday. Armin looked out the window and took in the scenery of the city as, unbeknownst to him, Eren admired him. Eren loved everything about the blond, he was never far from his thoughts. The younger boy’s behavior had troubled him earlier, but on Friday he seemed fine, and today was like that too. Maybe Armin didn’t feel well last week and it was messing with his head, hell he had to be crazy in order to give up so many books he cherished. But today Armin had more color in his face and life in his eyes. Maybe this would be a good day for them. Maybe Jean would stay at home sick and Eren could enjoy a day without the tall horsefaced looser charming the blond.
As the three stepped into homeroom, Eren was quickly disappointed by who he saw in class. There Jean sat in the seat that used to be his own, the seat next to Armin. He frowned as he watched his crush’s neutral look form into a smile as he sat down beside the other. Eren made his way to his own seat with a frown, making sure to huff and puff just enough in frustration that Armin would ask if he was okay. It didn’t take long for Armin to turn to his friend and give him the attention he desired, but as he opened his mouth to speak Ymir quickly ran to the front of the class with a big smile.
“Hey!” She called, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Historia’s birthday is in a few days and we’re holding her party tonight at Sasha’s place! The party starts at 7:00, I expect you all to be there!” After her brief announcement the class erupted in conversation. Parties hosted by Sasha were legendary. They were the only place anyone in high school could have access to free booze and delicious food. With Sasha’s father being gone for business days on end, the parties often lasted until early in the morning, ending just in time to clean up before school.

Eren and Mikasa were familiar with her parties and immediately grinned at the announcement of another one. Armin had never been to one. He had been invited several times, but didn’t believe it was his scene. He was never too worried about the effects the party could have on his health, yet he always used that as an excuse to avoid them. This time would be the same. At lunch he would apologize to Sasha and Historia, making sure to give the birthday girl a gift later that week. But to Armin’s surprise, that didn’t seem like an option this time.
The blond was caught off guard by three brunettes standing around his desk. Ymir, Jean and Eren all smiled down at him.
“You’re coming, right?” Jean asked. Eren frowned at the taller teens' question.
“H-Hey if he doesn’t want to come he doesn’t have to!” Eren muttered before leaning closer to his friend. “But you are coming, aren’t you?” He whispered. Armin blushed, beginning to stammer an excuse before Ymir once again interrupted his words.
“You better come Minnie!” She slapped his back and leaned close to him, shooing the other boys away. “You’ll love it! It’s the first party Historia and I are having as a couple. I really want you to be there for my girl’s seventeenth.” She whispered to him. Armin stared up at the freckled teen and sighed. He couldn’t say no to her after all of the things she had done for him. After a few moments of silence and the unnerving feeling of many sets of eyes staring at him, he nodded.
“Y-Yeah, of course I’ll come.”
Ymir smiled widely and wrapped her arms around him before she rushed back over to her desk as Mr. Smith entered the room.

Armin couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious at the prospect of going to a party. He wasn’t an extrovert by any means and the image of a loud, crowded home made his skin crawl. By the time lunch rolled around, Armin was deeply regretting his decision to go to the party and was scrambling to come up with an excuse. Maybe he’d fake a fainting spell to get out of it- hell he was so anxious at the idea of a party that maybe he wouldn’t even have to fake passing out. His nerves began to lessen as friends joined him at the table. Sasha sat next to him with Connie near her. Eren spotted the three as he walked with Mikasa and rushed over to sit next to Armin, letting out an audible groan when Jean stole the spot just before he could sit down. Instead he sat across from Armin. It was just as well, he got a clearer view of the other’s face, yet he still wished to be closer to him.
“I’m so excited you’re finally coming to a party!” Sasha cheered, ruffling Armin’s hair with a giggle. “We’re going to get you wasted.” She teased.
“O-Oh, I don’t think I’ll drink..” Armin mumbled.
“I bet you will!” Connie chimed in. “I didn’t think I would drink at my first party but I got so shitfaced. Tonight is going to be a rager, I bet half of the class won’t come to school in the morning”
Armin nodded a bit, their words only making him worry about the party more. But soon Jean spoke.
“I’m happy you’re coming! This will be Marco and I’s second party. The first one was great, but it would’ve been more fun if you were around.”
The pit in his stomach began to fade as Jean spoke. His tone was flirtatious and energetic like Sasha and Connie’s, yet it somehow always calmed him. The blond looked at Mikasa, Eren and Jean. He couldn’t help but smile a bit when he saw the friends he had.
“If you guys are there I’ll have fun” he spoke.

As the school day ended and the final bell rang, Mikasa found Armin in the hallway and greeted him with a smile as they walked outside to catch their bus.
“I know you’re a bit anxious about going to the party.” She spoke “How about you and I hang out a bit beforehand? Just us. We can help each other get ready, it’ll be fun!” The teen suggested. Armin smiled and nodded.
Once the group arrived back at their building, Mikasa took Armin by the hand and dragged him inside her flat. Eren watched on with curiosity, tempted to ask if he could also hang out, but deciding it was for the better if he did some homework before the party.
Armin looked around Mikasa’s room with a gentle smile. It had changed since the last time he had been in there with her. When the three hung out it was typically outside or in Armin’s room. The walls were painted a pale pink, a color they had been ever since the three first met. The room was much girlier than what most thought Mikasa would enjoy, but Armin knew that behind her gothic clothes was a girl who still enjoyed Disney movies and bright colors. The blond sat down on a beanbag near the window, watching as Mikasa wandered over to her closet and grabbed a couple different choices for an outfit. She held them in front of her, glancing over to Armin for his opinion. The two decided on a cute black dress that stopped mid thigh with lace details and a peter pan collar paired with stockings and demonias. She smiled, draping the outfit over her desk chair and moving to sit next to Armin on the bean bag.
“Is there anyone you're trying to impress tonight?” Armin inquired. The older teen blushed and looked at Armin in disbelief.
“How did you know?”
“You only ask for my help getting ready when you wanna look really good.” Armin teased, leaning in close to his friend. “Spill, who is it?”
Mikasa rubbed the back of her neck and let out a nervous chuckle as the blond moved closer to her face, his eyebrow raised and his mouth twisted into a smirk. “A-Annie, you nerd.” She finally spat out.
“Annie?” Armin gasped “I didn’t know you liked her! I bet she’ll think you’re hot.”
“I didn’t like her until more recently.. I mean I’ve always thought she was pretty but I kind of had my eye on someone else for a while. But I need to move on from him, he’s in love with someone else.” She sighed, though there wasn’t a look of discontent on her face. She looked quite happy. Armin knew who her former crush was. It wasn’t a secret that Mikasa was in love with Eren. What Armin didn’t know was that Eren had a crush of his own, he was about to ask who that person was before Mikasa hit his shoulder.
“Hey! Is there anyone you’re trying to impress tonight. I’ve never been able to dress you up for a party before.” Armin grew flustered at the question.
“Oh, well I haven’t really thought of trying to impress anyone…b-but I think you know who I like.” he mumbled.
“You don’t need to try hard. I think you could wear anything and Jean would still think you are cute.” She smiled, jumping up and going to her closet. Armin groaned when he saw her going through dresses and skirts.
“Mikasa, I am not dressing in drag for my first party!” The girl pouted a bit before turning to Armin.
“I’m just trying to think of something that would wow him.” She hummed. “What about your hair? You can put it in a bun! I can do two little pig tails!”
Armin touched his hair and furrowed his brow in thought.
“I was actually thinking about cutting it..” he admitted. Mikasa let out a loud gasp.
“Let me do it! I’ve been cutting my hair all my life. I think I could make it really cute!”
Armin smiled a bit at her offer, pulling himself up to look in her vanity mirror. He was silent for a second before turning to his friend and nodding.
“Let’s do it.” he spoke.
Mikasa clasped her hands together and smiled widely, running over to Armin and sitting him at her vanity. She grabbed a pair of cutting shears and didn’t hesitate to lean in and immediately cut off two inches of hair.

For a while, Armin looked on with horror, but soon he realized his friend knew what she was doing. By the time she was finished Armin stared into the mirror in awe. He still had bangs, but the rest of his hair was completely different. For the first time in memory his hair was actually short.
“W-Wow Mikasa, it looks great.” Armin’s look of shock soon turned to a smile, causing the older girl to grin and wrap her arms around his shoulders, resting her chin on the top of his head.
“I’m so glad you like it!” Mikasa hummed, stepping back and examining her friend. “We can see your ears!” she laughed, “You should get them pierced.”
Armin rolled his eyes, standing up and admiring his hair. He glanced at the clock and almost choked.
“We should really start getting ready.” he motioned towards the clock.
The two got ready, texting Eren that they would meet him at the party. Mikasa dressed in her dress and put on some makeup before helping Armin pick out an outfit. They decided on some dark jeans that Mikasa said looked good on his ass and a black dress shirt. She lended him a pair of Dr. Martens as the friends were roughly the same shoe size. Mikasa finally convinced him to wear some jewelry that consisted of a few small rings and a black cuff bracelet. After the friends were dressed, Armin dropped Bean off in his upstairs flat.

Sasha’s house was blaring music, the food was delicious and alcohol flowed freely. Kids from all over the school was at the party and Ymir and Historia were the stars of the show. Armin was immediately overwhelmed by the loud music, crowded rooms and flashing lights, but Mikasa took him by the wrist and dragged him inside. Armin would have protested his friend’s actions, but this had been one of the only times Mikasa wasn’t being gentle with him. Everyone, apart from Jean and Sasha, treated him like he was frail or in need of constant protection. Eren was the worst perpetrator of this and it drove him mad. But it seemed as if Mikasa had finally gotten the point. Armin knew his own limits and would stop her if something was wrong.
The blond’s face grew red as he recognized where Mikasa was dragging him. Jean and Bertholdt were the tallest people amongst the crowd and easily spotted. Mikasa made her way to the middle of the room, pushing through people who were packed inside like sardines. The noriette tapped on Jean’s shoulder and finally let go of Armin’s wrist.
“Have fun,” she whispered. “I’m gonna find Eren and Annie.” The girl waved and ran off, leaving the two alone.
Jean smiled happily when he saw Armin, his eyes growing wide as he saw his new look.
“Hey, you look amazing.” The amber eyed male complemented.
“T-Thanks, you too.”

The pair stood in silence for a while, Armin shifting his weight from one foot to another. He didn’t really know what to say. He was already overwhelmed by everything at the party, and being in such close proximity to his crush wasn’t making it any better. The room felt warm and almost suffocating.
“I-Is it really hot in here or is it just me?” Armin eventually spat out, realizing only after the fact how stupid his sentence was. Jean smirked.
“It is pretty hot, you’re definitely contributing to it.” He teased, placing a hand on Armin’s shoulder. “Let’s get you a drink and go somewhere quieter.” He suggested.
They made their way to the kitchen where Sasha and Connie drank and partied. The friends gasped when they saw Armin’s hair, giving him a compliment before Sasha ran around the kitchen, trying to find a drink she thought Armin would enjoy the most. She decided the punch tasted the least like alcohol and handed him a solo cup. Armin took a sip, almost spitting it out, but swallowing when Jean told him it would make him relax a bit more.
That night, in very little time, Armin would discover he was a lightweight. Jean had taken him to a much quieter part of the house where they sat close on a sofa. Armin’s head was already buzzing, every one of his senses was slightly dulled and every stupid joke Jean told was twice as funny. After a solo cup and a half of spiked punch, Armin was loose enough to finally enjoy the party. He conversed with his friends, danced with Jean, and played some beer pong. He didn’t cross paths with Eren until nearly two hours into the party when the brunette came searching for him. Eren found Armin in the kitchen, drinking some water in an effort to sober up a little as Jean went to find Marco and Reiner. Eren frowned when he saw his friend’s hair.

“You cut your hair..” Eren mumbled.
“Mmmhmm, you like it?” The blond nodded, glancing up from the kitchen sink where he filled his cup. His smile faltered a bit when he saw Eren’s expression.
“It looks good, you just looked so..” he bit his tongue, not wanting to unintentionally confess any of his feelings to the blond. “You looked cute with longer hair. But now you’re taller and your hair is shorter.. you still look good, it's just different.” He explained. Armin wasn’t too happy with Eren’s words, feeling a little hurt by the lack of support his friend showed. There had been several things Eren had done to his appearance that Armin didn’t like, but he always complemented his friend no matter what. He despised the stick and poke on Eren’s wrist of an ugly bird, but hadn’t said shit about it. Eren liked it and that was all that mattered. The blond finished his cup of water and nodded.
“Where have you been?” he inquired.
“Just with Mikasa, it’s been fun to watch her try to flirt with Annie.”
“Ya know Mikasa is in love with you.” The blond spoke, his effort to sober up having hardly been successful. “But she says you love someone else. Have you had a chance to flirt?” Armin smirked, giggling as the color drained from Eren’s face.
Eren knew Mikasa had liked him in that way but it was sort of an unspoken thing. What had truly caused him to grow pale was Armin’s question. He couldn’t just answer it truthfully.
“I-I.. umm…” Eren stuttered, racing through his mind on who he could use as his beard. “Historia!” The name fell out of his mouth without a thought. It was only after he said it he realized how bad this could be for him. Armin and Historia were nearly identical. They were both small for their age with golden hair and big blue eyes. If Armin knew he was bisexual the blond could easily access that Eren also had a crush on him. He winced as Armin gasped.
“R-Really? Sucks for you!” he giggled, punching Eren’s arm. “You’re gonna have to find someone else. Ymir is intent on marrying Historia and I was told I could have a big role in the wedding.”
Eren chuckled and sighed in relief, feeling a bit more comforted following Armin’s words. But soon that relief was gone and replaced with a sense of both excitement and fear. Sasha ran into the kitchen and smiled at the two boys.
“Are you guys ready for spin the bottle! A smaller group of us is playing it upstairs.” She smiled, grabbing a beer bottle and popping it open. She drank half of it and offered the rest to Armin who, by this point in the night, was happy to accept a few sips. He handed the bottle with about a quarter left of beer in it to Armin and promised Sasha they’d be upstairs soon. Eren finished the bottle and helped himself to some punch as reality kicked in. If Armin was playing, this could be his chance. He could maybe, finally, kiss him.
“H-Hey!” Armin whispered, wrapping his arms around his best friend. “Maybe Historia will play and you can give her a kiss!” He smiled, grabbing Eren’s hand and pulling him upstairs.

Armin and Eren sat in a circle of their friends. Historia, Ymir, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Reiner, Bertholdt, Marco, Mikasa, Annie, Hitch and Marlowe greeted the two, making the circle wider. Eren set down the bottle of beer in the middle, looking to Sasha as she grinned and sat up to explain the rules.
“Alright! We’ll spin in order of birthdays meaning Historia first and Bertholdt last. You must kiss whoever the bottle lands on for at least five seconds, if you don’t you must chug a beer!” She grinned, motioning to the six pack behind her.
The game soon began. Historia was overjoyed when the bottle landed on Ymir. The two leaned in and kissed for much longer than five seconds as the group of friends cheered. Next was Mikasa, who landed on Marco. The kiss was awkward and ended in laughter. Ymir was next, when the bottle landed on Reiner she immediately opted for chugging a beer. Soon it was Eren’s turn. With a nervous chuckle he placed his hand on the bottle and spun it, praying and hoping it would land on Armin. He stared as the bottle spun around the group several times, losing momentum as the seconds passed. When the neck of the bottle landed on Armin, Eren nearly fainted. The group of twelve immediately erupted in chants of encouragement.

Eren felt weak as he looked over at his best friend and love of his life. The blond’s eyes were wide and his cheeks were red, but soon he let out a giggle and turned to look at the brunette. Eren began to stammer, not knowing how to approach the kiss, but Armin quickly leaned in and placed his lips on the others.
For those five seconds, Eren was in heaven. But it ended too quickly. Armin soon pulled away as everyone laughed and cheered in the back, giggling and wiping his lips as Eren continued to stare at him for a moment, wide eyed. He had just kissed Armin, the boy of his dreams. Wow.
Eren’s bliss only lasted twenty more minutes or so. Armin was one of the last to spin and the bottle landed on Eren’s worst nightmare, Jean Kirstein. Eren didn’t give a shit when Reiner’s bottle landed on Armin earlier, it was all fun and games until now. His heart began to thud and everything in him was telling him to sabotage the kiss in some way, any way.
Everyone let out oohs and ahhs as the bottle landed, their focus entirely on Armin and Jean. They wouldn’t notice if Eren moved the bottle to the side just a little bit, it would mean Armin would have to kiss Connie or drink a beer. Eren slowly reached out toward the bottle, flicking it and wincing as moved much farther than he had intended. Knowing he was going to get caught, Eren tensed up and closed his eyes, only opening them when he heard the sound of shattering glass and a hiss of pain. When he opened his eyes he saw his friend slowly pulling a piece of green tinted glass out of the palm of his hand as blood quickly began to drip onto the floor below. The cut was deep and Eren immediately knew it was all his fault, but no one said a word.
“Damn that’s gnarly!” Connie eventually broke the silence. Despite the pain and moment that had been ruined, Armin couldn’t help but laugh at Connie’s words.
“I-I think I’m too drunk to play anymore..” he giggled out, the rest of the group joining him in his laughter. Eren, Mikasa and Jean were the only two to remain silent. Soon Jean stood up and offered Armin his hand.
“Let’s clean that cut up.” He spoke. The blond nodded, pulling himself up and making his way to the kitchen with the taller teen.

The party had begun to die down by this point, the music was slower. Several couples were slow dancing or making out around the house. Jean turned on the faucet and placed Armin’s injured hand under the running water as he looked around for some alcohol to disinfect his hand. He came back with a bottle of vodka and turned off the faucet, reaching to grab Armin’s wrist.
“This is going to sting.” He warned. Armin shrugged.
“I can handle pain.” The blond chuckled, he winced nonetheless as the vodka was poured over his wound.
There was something oddly intimate about Jean cleaning his hand. They were so close, with Jean’s hand gripping his wrist like that, Armin was sure the taller boy could feel his pulse. He couldn’t help but let out a bit of a nervous chuckle. They were seconds away from kissing, but Armin had gotten hurt and they couldn’t continue. It was the story of his life. His health always impeded his joy. It was a bittersweet moment.
The quietness in the kitchen was interrupted by Sasha running inside. She handed Jean a roll of gauze and gave Armin a beer.
“Even if you cut yourself, you still have to chug. No excuses!” She wagged her finger at the blond, going to grab another glass bottle.
Armin groaned, watching as Jean carefully wrapped his hand in the gauze. The blood soaked through the first few layers, but was gone soon enough. Jean tied up the bandage and smiled down at Armin.
“I’m too drunk for another beer..” He told Sasha, not taking his eyes away from Jean. Without warning, Armin stood on his tippy toes, placed his uninjured hand on Jean’s cheek and pushed their lips together. Jean’s eyes widened, but no protest came from him. In milliseconds the older teen was reciprocating the kiss. Sasha didn’t even need to count the seconds. She could tell that the kiss was going to go far beyond the minimum time. With a giggle she left the room and ran back upstairs.

Chapter Text

Armin woke up with his chest feeling heavy and his head pounding. His muscles ached and his stomach turned. His eyes burned as they met the blinds bathing his room in sunlight. He had never felt sick like this before, it was an odd sensation, one that immediately brought panic to the forefront of his mind. Was something wrong with him? Were these the last moments of a short and painful existence before his heart finally gave out on him? The blond was tempted to cry out for help as anxiety rushed through his veins, but a snore disrupted his thoughts.
Armin blinked, suddenly aware of the heat emanating from a figure beside him. He sat up, surprised by the ease of his body given the immediate soreness that came with opening his eyes. As he moved, he became more aware of other sensations. He was wearing jeans, a button up shirt, and much to his surprise, he was wearing shoes. When his eyes finally drifted to the man beside him, the pounding in his head began to make sense. Jean lay beside him, fully clothed and snoring, drooling on a pillow.
They were in Armin’s room, bookshelves lining the walls, completely clean apart from two backpacks that had been tossed on the floor. Armin was tempted to shake Jean awake and ask for help repainting the events of the night before, but the throbbing in his head sent him right back to a supine position on his bed. He closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands to protect himself from the sun and squinted his eyebrows as he thought. Most of it was blank. He couldn’t remember the drunk walk home or how Jean and him ended up sleeping in the same bed, but what he could remember made him blush. He remembered the cut on his palm and how Jean’s larger hands gripped his so gently as he cleaned his wound. He remembered the heat in his cheeks as he leaned in and kissed Jean. He remembered most of the kisses that followed, but beyond that the alcohol had erased.
He knew that they didn’t have sex. If they did, Armin had some questions as to how they managed to fall asleep with shoes and everything else on. Plus, he was sure he would be much more sore in much more places than the few aches in his joints he was currently experiencing.
Armin blushed at the thought. This wasn’t the first time he had thought about doing /that/ with someone. Hell, it wasn’t even close to the first time he had thought about doing it with Jean. But the fact that Jean was now laying in his bed after making out with him just hours before made the thought of sex more tangible than it had ever been before. Armin could feel his face heat up again, but all dirty thoughts quickly left his mind as he heard a groan and the rustling of bedsheets. The blond opened his eyes and slowly pulled his hands away from his face, fully prepared for the rush of pain that would enter his temples, but instead heat filled the apples of his cheeks as he saw Jean and those amber eyes looking down at him. Armin almost instinctively covered his face again, but tried his best to stay composed.
“Hey..” Jean smirked, slowly pulling his muscular body up and reaching to close Armin’s blinds shut, protecting both of them from the threat of a worsening headache. With a huff he resumed his previous position, laying on his side with his elbow propping his head and cheek in his hand.
“Did we get freaky last night or what?” The brunette chuckled, letting out a yawn before his eyes scanned both of their bodies and he became aware of the shoes still on his feet. He cleared his throat and let out a dry laugh. “Never mind..” he mumbled.
Armin shifted over onto his side and chuckled lightly.

“Unless we did something before we got home I think I’m still a virgin..” he mumbled. “But I did have my first kiss.” Armin smiled, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Jean’s lips. Armin pulled back when he heard a chuckle emerging from the other man. “W-What is it?” He mumbled, hoping the other wasn’t laughing at his morning breath made worse by a bit too much alcohol consumption.

“You indeed had your first kiss.” Jean nodded, his chuckle turning into more of a hardly laugh. “With Eren.”
Armin’s eyes went wide as he remembered the kiss. He winced and pouted a bit.
“I-I completely forgot about that…” he muttered. “I guess I wasn’t being completely truthful though, my first kiss was a girl back in middle school..but I still think I’ll consider you my first real kiss.” He smiled.
Jean smiled too and nodded in agreement, a bit shocked that someone like Armin had ever kissed a girl in his life, but his body and head ached too much to even mention it.
They laid in silence for a few minutes before the alarm on Armin’s phone caused what felt like electric shocks to run through their heads. Armin jumped off and quickly turned off his phone, briefly scrolling through the notifications for a moment before setting it down and collapsing back onto the bed. He covered his eyes with his arm and let out a long groan.
“First hangover?” Jean asked. Armin chuckled, letting out a huff of air and rolling his eyes, slowly pulling himself into a sitting position and then out of bed. Jean watched with tired eyes, raising an eyebrow as the blond went through his closet and found a hoodie and some jeans to wear.
“Don’t tell me you’re actually going to go to school today..” Jean groaned, watching the other boy turn his back to him as he quickly took off the shirt and threw the hoodie over his head. The brunette couldn’t help but laugh at Armin’s quick moves and effort to conceal his nakedness. Jean was far too hungover to even see properly, yet alone lust after anything he did see. All he wanted was for Armin to crawl back into bed with him so they could sleep longer.

“Of course I’m going to school today.” Armin stated as he dressed himself, walking towards a mirror and fixing his hair before rummaging through his desk to find a pair of sunglasses that would conceal his red eyes and protect his head from the pain of too much light. “You can’t stay in my room all day. If you want to skip school then you should go home.” Armin explained.

“Don’t you feel awful, Minnie?” Jean groaned, pulling himself up from his sprawled position, his body feeling a hundred pounds heavier than usual.
Armin shrugged and sighed.
“Yeah, but I’m used to not feeling well. This is nothing compared to how I feel by the end of the week.”
Jean couldn’t help but admire the other when he spoke. After seeing Armin last night so confident and talkative (and drunk) it had almost slipped his mind that Armin was sick. Really sick. For some reason, that thought gave him enough motivation to rise out of bed and search for some deodorant and another pair of sunglasses.
“I guess I’m coming with you.” He chuckled.

Breakfast was an awkward event that morning. Armin’s grandfather wasn’t expecting his grandson to emerge looking clearly hungover with the much taller boy by his side. The old man didn’t ask any questions and didn’t bother going to the trouble of making food as the two seemed content with toast and clear liquids, yet he couldn’t help but stare at the two, noticing they were way more affectionate than the average pair. When Armin left with the taller boys hand grasped firmly in his own, he finally understood.
It was a bittersweet moment for the old man. His grandson was growing up, becoming more independent and beginning his first romances. It was a hard time in any parents life, but usually without the uncertainty of their child’s health. The old man almost cried as he reached down and pet Bean, whom Armin had left behind for the day.

Eren woke up with the same pounding in his head and twist in his stomach. Luckily, his memory hadn’t been clouded by the alcohol he drank. Every moment of the party still remained. The good and the bad. His first kiss would forever live in his memory: his first kiss with Armin, the boy who lived in all his dreams. On the other hand, the scene of that blue eyed blond making out with that horse faced loser would be burnt into his memoryas well. The way those tan hands grabbed at his best friend's ass made him want to vomit more than the hangover did. He was just glad that when he trailed the two back to the flat that they were hardly sober enough to walk, yet alone fuck when they climbed to Armin’s floor of their shared building. The room directly above his was silent all night long. Usually the sound of footsteps creaked his ceiling at night, so the creaking of a bed would’ve been as loud as drums. But there was none of that. Some drunk conversation and then slumber. Eren had stayed up way too late to make sure that dreaded sound never came from Armin’s room. But now he had woken up after sleeping through his alarm. Every muscle in his body screamed at him to go back to sleep, but the thought of Armin being at school compelled him to jump up and rush to the bus.
What he saw when he reached the bus stop, panting heavily with his head pounding, was Armin and Jean sitting together, holding hands.
Eren had hoped their making out session would be erased from their respective memories, along with all the sexual tension they exuded for each other. Instead his worst fear had come true. The two were official. Maybe it hadn’t been stated between them yet, but then again it didn’t have to be. His kiss with Armin would never be addressed. It was hardly even a kiss to the blond. It was a simple dare and a precaution to avoid getting more drunk. But to Eren that kiss was everything.

Eren spotted Mikasa smiling and patting a seat for him to sit. He blinked, looked over at Armin, then at Mikasa, then at the bus doors. With a turn of his heel, he got off the bus and walked the block back home, cursing Jean’s name and kicking at stones.

Eren’s hangover began to feel better in the early afternoon, around three hours before everyone arrived home from school. He had gotten a mouthful from his mom for “missing the bus” but she eventually softened up when he explained he felt ill. Carla made him some soup and sent him to bed, leaving Eren locked up in his room feeling like a child. A sad, lonely, angry child.
She knocked at his door, questioning how he felt and reminding him that it was Tuesday, garbage day. No matter how sick he was, (unless he was “as sick as Armin” she would say) Eren had to do his chores. The green eyed teenager pulled himself out of bed and began to gather the trash from their flat. He made his way to the backyard, about to toss the trash bag into the garbage bin before pulling it out onto the street corner, when he saw a book laying at the bottom. Eren hated books and normally wouldn’t give it a second glance, but today he picked it up and held onto it.
A quick look caused all the emotion he had felt throughout the day to boil to the top.
In his hands was a book made filthy from a little less than a week spent in the bottom of a garbage bin. It was a book he had carefully scoped out for Armin with his name signed in it.
As he trudged back to his room, Eren didn’t know if he should cry, or scream, or simply let it go. All he knew was anger festered in him and he couldn’t wait to see Armin when he got back home from school.
—

The creaking of his ceiling was the cue. Eren, with the book in hand, stomped up the stairs to Armin’s flat. He didn’t bother knocking. He made a beeline to Armin’s room, not bothering to knock there either.
The blond sat on his bed with the back of his head resting against the wall, his eyes closed as he tried to recuperate from a long day of school with a hangover. With the slam of a door, Armin’s eyes shot open. He blinked and smiled as he saw his friend at the door.
“Hey Eren, how are you f-“
He was interrupted by a raised voice.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” The brunette spoke, walking towards Armin and slamming the filthy book in his lap. “I-I get you don’t fucking like me but this is just plain hurtful. If you didn’t fucking want it I would’ve happily bought you something else! We’ve been best friends for so long but now y-you’re just an ungrateful skank!” Eren spat out, his words becoming louder as he paced the room, those emerald green eyes never leaving Armin’s.
Armin hardly had time to process the words being shouted at him, yet alone the book that had been thrown in his lap. The more seconds passed the more hurtful his words got. After a few minutes of shouting, crying, and insulting, Eren took a break for air. Only then could Armin analyze everything that had been said. None of it made sense to him, and it took every ounce of strength to not start crying out of sheer confusion and borderline terror. With shaking hands Armin looked at the book, swallowing hard.
He had given this book to Jean when he was planning on…
Armin opened to the front page and frowned. God, he hadn’t even realized it was one of the books Eren had gifted him. He was too caught up in his own depression and anxieties.
“E-Eren I-I can explain..” his voice came out shaky and barely above a whisper. He knew it sounded pathetic and he knew Eren would think so as well. Eren scoffed, holding his breath and staring at his friend, giving him the space to explain.
“I-I gave it to Jean last week..w-when I was giving all my books away…”
“You gave it to Jean?!” Eren shouted, his body movement growing increasingly more aggressive as he moved closer to Armin.
“E-Eren I didn’t want it to go to waste..” the blond squeaked, the tears finally beginning the fall from his eyes as he held firmly onto the book. “I-I didn’t know he’d throw it away..I-I’m so happy you found it..I’ll take good care of it I-I’m sorry..”

Normally Eren’s heart would break at the sight of Armin in tears. But today wasn’t a normal day. He was upset. He couldn’t come up with a possible explanation for Armin’s carelessness and it tore him to pieces. It was enough seeing Armin grow distant when he knew his best friend only had a finite amount of years left on earth to spend with him. Now the tears just made him angrier. If he wasn’t fully aware of Armin’s fragility, he knew he probably would’ve hit him by now.
“W-Why would you give it to him in the first place?!” He shouted.

Armin swallowed hard, feeling himself quite literally get backed into a corner. He never wanted Eren to know what he was planning on doing that night, but now it seemed he would have to tell him. Tears turned into sobs as he covered his face with his hands and shook his head. “P-Please don’t make me say it..” he breathed.
Eren had lost all impulse control. Without thinking he pushed Armin’s hands away from his face and grabbed his chin, forcing Armin to look at him.
“I-I..”
“You what?!”
“I-I w-was..”
“You were what?!”
“I-I was going to kill myself, Eren!”

The room finally fell silent. Eren’s eyes went wide and his knees nearly buckled under him. He let go of Armin’s face and backed away, running his hands through his dark hair as his heart raced. For once in his life, Eren was lost for words. The realization of all he had just said, all he had just done hit him like a brick. He had scared Armin, screamed at him, grabbed him. All of those things he wasn’t supposed to do. All of those things his dad told him could jeopardize his friend’s fragile health. But worst of all, he had forced Armin to reveal something he never intended on revealing. And now his friend looked scared. Now his friend was crying and trembling on the bed. He didn’t expect Armin to speak to him ever again, but it was Armin who finally broke the silence with something other than his soft crying and heavy breath.
“I-I was giving my stuff a-away so my grandpa w-wouldn’t have to do it…so you and Mikasa wouldn’t h-have to do it. I-I wanted people to have something to remember me by. I-I didn’t want all those books to j-just go to some thrift store..” he spoke between gentle cries.
Eren still found no words. He just glanced around Armin’s room, noting the gaps in bookshelves and other missing items. What hit him worst of all was the wall calendar with one circled date and every date following that, even the days that hadn’t passed yet, crossed out. Armin wasn’t lying. He knew Armin was a damn good liar but he definitely wasn’t lying.
Eren could feel his legs growing weaker the more he stood, so without thought he sat next to Armin on the bed. He let out a gasp as his friend wrapped his arms around him, crying into his shoulder.
After all of the potentially life threatening abuse he had just hurled at Armin, the blond was still hugging him. He returned the hug, rubbing Armin’s back and waiting for him to calm down. But soon the shock caught up with Eren and he began to cry as well. It was a silent cry, but Armin could tell, even in his distressed state. The blond lifted his head from Eren’s shoulder and reached out to wipe Eren’s tears.
“I-I’m sorry Eren…” he whispered. “I’m sor-“
Without thought, Eren smashed his lips against Armin’s. He kissed him for one second, then two, then three and four before a surprisingly hard slap hit his cheek.
Armin’s arms were no longer wrapped around him. The crying boy now hugged himself and stared in disbelief.
“A-Armin I-“
“Y-You need to go.”
“Armin p-please, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“
“Eren I don’t feel good, you need to leave.”
“I-I’m sorry. P-Please..”
“Get out!”
Eren slowly gathered himself. He had never heard Armin yell in anger before, yet alone slap anyone. But he knew it was well deserved. The brunette didn’t try to explain himself any further. He left the room, knowing any chance he had with Armin had completely dissipated in a matter of minutes

Chapter Text

“So, when are you flying back?” Armin asked, laying flat on his bed, eyes looking up towards the ceiling as he wore headphones with his phone beside his head.

“I arrive late next Sunday.” Jean replied, sitting at his desk with a sketchbook in front of him and a pencil in his hand with the phone on speakerphone. Armin smiled gently at the sound of his boyfriends voice. It had only been a day since they spoke last, yet he was always thrilled to hear that deep, slightly rough voice.

“Oh I can’t wait to see you. We’ll still have a month before school starts, can we get together?” The blond asked eagerly.

“Of course baby, I wouldn’t have it any other way. In fact I already have an entire night planned out.” He grinned, picking his phone up and sending Armin an email with two tickets attached.

Armin turned on his side when he got the notification, opening up the email.
“Oh? What are these?”

“They’re a local metal band in Berlin. I got two tickets for Tuesday night, I thought I’d take you out to dinner then we would go.” Jean explained.

Armin smiled a bit, before letting out an audible sigh as he pouted.
“Loud music, my grandpa would never let me…” he mumbled.

Jean laughed lightly.
“Doesn’t he know that all you listen to is loud, demonic music?” The older teen teased.
Armin giggled.

“I haven’t told him how bad of an influence you’ve been on me and my music taste. He still thinks I listen to pop and classical.” The blond chuckled. His music taste had certainly been changed ever since he started dating the other boy.
He went from generally liking whatever was popular, along with classical music that his grandfather insisted was “good for his health” to grunge, punk rock, nu and heavy metal. Jean hadn’t only introduced him to the sounds of My Chemical Romance, Nirvana, Slipknot, Nine Inch Nails, and Black Sabbath, but he had also introduced him to horror movies, which he now considered to be his favorite film genre.
No one would be able to tell that Armin’s interests had changed just by looking at him. By all appearances he was the same pastel wearing short blond kid with a heart condition and a service dog, not someone who would rush to his boyfriend’s house after school to head-bang to Korn, watch a scary movie, and make out. But in the months leading up to summer break, that was exactly what happened nearly everyday after school.

“Ya know, you can just say we’re watching a movie at my place after dinner. Tell him it’s titanic or lord of the rings, something long like that.” Jean told him. Armin giggled, nodding to himself.
“Okay, I’ll do that.” He spoke, the smile coming back to his face. “I’m excited, it’ll be my first concert. I’ll look so out of place though.”

“Oh don’t worry about it. I’m sure you have some black clothes in that rainbow closet of yours. I’ll even buy you a t-shirt at the show.”

“That would be super sweet..” Armin blushed thinking about it. “H-Hey, you know I was thinking about something. I think I’m ready to loose my virginity..” the blond bit his lip, feeling his face grow hot as he spoke.

Jean’s face grew warm as well, not expecting anything like that to come out of Armin today. Before Jean flew back to France for the summer, they had grown pretty close to sleeping together, though they had never gotten to the last few steps. Making out and heavy petting was the most they did, and it usually ended abruptly when Armin clearly became nervous at the suggestion of taking off clothes.
Jean was silent for a moment, flustered by the blond before he smirked a bit.
“Really?” The excitement was clear in his voice.

“Y-Yeah. Do you wanna do it after the concert? I’d have to sneak you in but I’ve snuck out before, so I’m sure it’ll work out. If it doesn’t I can always go to your house later in the week..” Armin had thought everything out in the time between his and Jean’s last phone conversation.

“Fuck yeah, that sounds great babe. I hope you don’t feel pressured into doing anything though. You know I’m perfectly fine with not having sex.”

“N-No I want to! I really want to. I’m feeling the healthiest I have in years!” The blond blushed at how eager his voice sounded, but he did want his boyfriend to know how much he wanted to do it. God, it was one of the only things he could think of this week. That and just being able to give Jean a hug when he returned to Germany.

“I’m looking forward to it then.” Jean smirked.

The line went quiet for a while, Jean working on a drawing as he fantasized about finally being able to be with Armin in such an intimate way.
Armin couldn’t help but daydream about it too. If he closed his eyes he could just see Jean on top of him in all his naked glory. Fuck he was going to need a cold shower after this call.

“Hey.” Jean finally spoke. “My mom wants to meet you. I’ve told her a lot about my cute little boyfriend.”

“Really? All good things I hope..” the blond blushed. “She knows that I’m sick right? I don’t want her to be surprised if anything happens..” he mumbled.
The topic of his sickness was a little less spoken about nowadays, but it was still relevant. He had been feeling truly amazing recently. It wasn’t a lie when he told Jean he was feeling the best he had in years. It was near the end of summer and he didn’t pass out a single time. Though he hadn’t been to the doctor in a while, Armin wouldn’t be surprised if Grisha gave him some good news and told him that he no longer needed a heart transplant, that he could run around and see the world and live to a decent age with the heart he had now. Of course that was wishful thinking, but Armin couldn’t really explain his recent health. The only explanation was maybe Jean. He had certainly been stressed to the point of tears throughout the last seven or so months but his chest never felt painful, and he never felt the dread in his stomach as if he was about to die.

“Yeah, she knows. All the more reason she wants to meet you soon. Next summer you should visit!”

“I’d love to, but unless I get amazing news I don’t think it’ll happen. She might just have to come to Berlin.”

Jean pouted a bit. Usually he would push Armin a bit more, but this was something he couldn’t really change.

They talked for a while longer. Armin asked Jean questions about his mom and about his home.
Jean lived in Normandy, right by the beach, though his family owned a farm out in the countryside that he worked in during the summer. Everyday the two would text back and forth about what Jean did at his job today. Usually Jean would send photos of cows and goats to the blond, but this week he was back at home. Jean had even went outside so Armin could hear the sounds of the waves.
Jean lived in Armin’s dream house. He was near a historic landmark with the ocean just right outside his door. Armin craved to see the pictures and begged Jean to send him a couple dozen everyday.
The conversation once again died down a bit as Jean made his way back to his room, collapsing on the bed and sighing.

“Hey, how are you and Eren?” The Frenchmen eventually asked.

Armin was rudely awoken from daydreams of the ocean and life with Jean in France by that question. He blinked and cleared his throat.
“I mean, I still haven’t spoken to him if that’s what you’re asking..”

“I see. Do you think you will ever talk to him again? It’s August, you haven’t said much to him since his birthday.”

“Jean, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. It was easy to wish him a happy birthday, but what do I say now? Do I tell him how violated I felt when he kissed me like that after screaming at me? D-Do I just let it go and tell him I want to be friends again after I haven’t spoken to him in months? E-Even though everything is going to be so awkward now because I know he likes me but I’m dating you!” Armin sat up as he spoke, running his hands through his hair as anxiety spiked in him.

“Hey baby, don’t talk to him if you aren’t ready. Don’t get too worked up over it.”

“W-Who cares if I’m ready? I could still be dying! What if I die and I never make up with him? H-He’s tried to apologize so many times but every single time I just get so anxious seeing him that it makes me want to cry.” Armin sighed, bouncing his leg as he sat at the end of his bed.

“I’m sorry I brought it up Minnie, I didn’t want you to get upset.” Jean apologized. Sure, Jean hated Eren, especially after hearing about the afternoon where he screamed at and kissed his boyfriend, but he knew Armin loved him. He hated to see a relationship so strong decay because of some unrequited feelings. Plus Armin was right about his health. The younger teen hadn’t seen Grisha for a long time, partially to avoid any contact with Eren. Though he doubted anything was wrong, it was true that Armin could be getting worse without realizing it. But he never pressured his boyfriend to go to the doctor. It was partially for his own selfish reasons, knowing that if any bad news was given that Armin would likely panic and go straight back to avoiding fun.

“It’s okay.” The blond eventually sighed.

Jean chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood. “Hey, is he anymore emo than the last time we spoke about him?”

Armin snickered at the question, sighing softly “Oh definitely. His hair is a lot longer, it’s touching his shoulders. I’ve seen a stick and pokes on his arms. He also has some piercings. I actually kinda like them.”

“What does he have pierced? Maybe that could be a conversation starter.” Jean chuckled.

“Umm..I think he has his cartilage in two spots, his lobes. He has a lip piercing and his eyebrow is pierced..” Armin recalled. “I-I don’t know how good it would be to immediately complement him.”

“I guess you’re right….it kind of pisses me off. He knows you like punk guys and now he’s given himself a complete makeover. Taking my style.” Jean muttered. “Or maybe he’s just sad.”

“Y-You think he’s changing his style because he’s sad? I-Is it because of me?” Armin grew worried at the suggestion.

“Hey Min, don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have said that. God I keep saying stupid shit right now..” Jean chuckled.

“It’s okay baby..I should get going though. I can’t wait to see you. Text me when you know what time you’ll pick me up on Tuesday.” He spoke with a small smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They hung up. Armin wrapped his arms around his chest, sighing as he felt the anxiety about Eren filling him.
It had been seven months since everything had happened, yet he still felt upset by it. Eren made him reveal something that was between just him and Jean, something deeply private. Armin could probably forgive Eren for that if it wasn’t for the fact that Eren took advantage of his vulnerability moments later. A forced kiss wasn’t the worst thing that could happen, yet it was shocking and hurtful nonetheless.
Not only that, but he had to learn about Eren’s feelings for him in such a violating way.

It was partially his fault. Looking back it was so obvious that Eren was in love with him. It made him feel awful to learn that he never noticed it. What made it even worse was that Armin could recall a time where Eren gave him butterflies. It was a memory the blond had forgotten until after Eren kissing him, but he could certainly remember it now. At first he tried to convince himself that he came up with the memory out of guilt, but when cleaning out his room at the beginning of summer Armin found a small diary from eight grade. In the pages he had etched the details of his awkward kiss with Annie, and the crush he had on his friend. How the hell did he forget? How was he supposed to make up with his friend?
If Eren no longer loved him it would make it easier, but Armin had recently asked Mikasa if she thought Eren was still in love with him. The response was a definitive “absolutely.”
——

Eren had other stuff to do other than worrying about Armin…but it was so hard not to think about anything other than that blond. He missed him deeply. Everyday he found himself coming up with a plan on how he could get Armin to like him again.
Right after their fight it started with trying to constantly apologize. Whenever he saw Armin he’d try to take his smaller hands in his own and sincerely apologize. When he found that didn’t work, he began to gift him things. He bought Armin food and left presents in his locker, but from afar he could always see the blond’s reaction wasn’t one he was hoping for. He’d always look distressed when he found a note or a gift in his locker, one time he even cried.
For a while following that Eren tried to leave him alone. Maybe Armin would just come to him when the time felt right? But it never happened. The only time Armin decided to be with him was for his birthday, but even then the younger boy didn’t say much or stay long. He gave him a card, told him happy birthday in private, and joined in with Mikasa and his parents to sing happy birthday. Then he left. It was bittersweet. It felt nice to have something Armin made for him in his hands again, yet the entire time he could see the nervousness and sadness in those blue eyes.
Around then, Eren decided to stop cutting his hair. He was seventeen, tall and fit. He had grown to 6’ and was considered one of the most handsome guys in school, though he realized he wasn’t Armin’s type. Jean was. Jean was only 9 days younger than him, but by his seventeenth birthday the teen had shot up to 6’3. He wore his hair in almost a mullet. Near the end of school Jean had gotten his nose pierced, something that Armin seemingly went crazy for.
In the final month of school Eren got his ears pierced along with a lip piercing. He started wearing darker clothes and even painting his nails black. At first it was all in an attempt to get Armin to be more attracted to him, but soon Eren decided he actually enjoyed his new style and continued getting piercings and a few stick and pokes throughout the summer.
In the end, his attempts to get Armin’s attention somewhat worked. When the two ran into each other, Armin couldn’t help but do a double take. One time Armin even grabbed Eren’s hand to look at a crudely done tattoo on his forearm. The conversation was brief:

“It looks inflamed. Make sure to wash it better so it doesn’t get infected.” The blond spoke before quickly walking away.

Eren took the advice to heart and washed his tattoos a couple times a day following Armin’s words.
Other than that, Armin didn’t say a word.

It upset Eren. He was desperate for the blond to like him again. But he had done everything. Maybe the next action was to just get on his knees and beg, maybe cry a little. Or would that freak Armin out? He wasn’t sure.

Eren lay in his bed, looking up at the ceiling and sighing. Mikasa was his only friend now other than the guys on the soccer team, but even she wasn’t around too often. She was usually on dates with Annie now or sometimes hanging out with Armin. He felt lonely. He had even bought two tickets to a concert coming up in a week yet he had no one to take with him. Eren was tempted to give the other ticket to Armin, though the idea of the blond being in a crowd and listening to metal music scared him. It seemed like something that could be bad for Armin’s health. Plus he doubted Armin liked that music anyway.
So he was back to the drawing board with Armin.
That was until Grisha knocked on his door.

“Hey son, do you mind doing me a favor?” The doctor asked.
Eren sat up and nodded.
“Sure, what is it?”
“Armin hasn’t been to see me in quite some time. In fact we’ve had several appointments that he’s missed over the past few months. Do you mind asking him how he’s feeling and maybe encouraging him to come in for a check up?”
Eren furrowed his eyebrows as he looked up at his father with a concerned expression.

“He hasn’t seen you in months?!” Eren blinked. “Y-You know he isn’t talking to me right now, but I’ll ask once school starts.” He promised his father, running a hand through his hair as the man left the room.
Hey, maybe this was good. He hadn’t thought about asking how Armin was feeling. Maybe this would open up a conversation about everything and they would finally be able to heal. Eren couldn’t help but smile in hope that he could finally get his best friend back.

—
Armin ran down the stairs when he heard the honking of Jean’s truck outside their building. He briefly told his grandpa and Bean goodbye before rushing out of the house, ignoring his grandpa’s words of concern with how fast he was going.
Jean pulled himself out of the car as he waited for Armin, smiling when the blond emerged from the building and sprinted over to him, jumping into his arms and pressing a kiss to his lips. The two embraced for a while, laughing as they held each other.

“You’re taller,” Jean commented with a chuckle as they both got into the car.
Armin rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, I grew an inch.” He snickered, leaning to look through the cds in the glove compartment of the car before picking out one by Led Zeppelin and letting it play. He rolled down the window and feeling the warm air with his hand as they drove.
Jean smiled, finding it hard to focus solely on the road with such a beautiful person in the seat next to him. It was hard not to admire that face. His cheeks were round and his nose was the perfect button shape, slightly blushed at all times. He had long eyelashes and full eyebrows. He had the most beautiful dark blue eyes Jean had ever seen and most most kissable lips. Not only was it hard to focus on Armin because of his attractiveness, but he was incredibly excited for the events that followed dinner. He was taking Armin to his first concert and finally sleeping with him. He was thrilled.

Jean drove them to a nice restaurant by a lake where they got to sit outside. By the time they got there the sun was just starting to set. Armin swooned over Jean as they sat down, leaning in to kiss him before he looked over the menu. Armin gasped at the princes and looked at the other with a shocked expression.

“Don’t worry baby, I worked all summer so I have some extra cash. Plus my mom insisted I take you somewhere nice so she helped me out too.” He chuckled.

Armin blushed and smiled gently, nodding and thanking his boyfriend.
The food was delicious, though the best part was definitely dessert. Armin had never ordered alcohol at a restaurant before, despite being sixteen for nine months. He couldn’t help but order a glass of red wine that the waitress recommended to go with their dessert, slightly to help calm his nerves for the concert and the later activities in the evening.
They both had a glass of wine and shared a piece of chocolate cake. Armin could certainly feel the drink as they got up to leave, though Jean felt perfectly sober. It would probably take him another glass or two to feel any buzz.

They made their way to the concert venue where they made sure to arrive early in order to get as close to the stage as possible. Armin leaned against Jean as they stood in line, wrapping his arms around his hips and humming to himself as he pressed his forehead into the taller man’s back.
He wasn’t drunk in the slightest, though he felt a pleasant buzz in his head and he could feel himself growing more and more excited for everything tonight. The alcohol had successfully eliminated all the nerves, just as the blond had hoped.
Slowly they were let into the venue after waiting around for nearly an hour, something Jean told Armin was common when it came to concerts. As promised, Jean bought Armin a t-shirt which the blond quickly slipped on before they made their way towards the ballroom where the concert was held. Though they weren’t exactly in the front, they were fairly close to stage and safe from the mosh pit that was bound to form.
As the crowd arrived and the opening band began to play, Armin quickly realized it wasn’t going to be easy for him to see and that he’d have to stand on the tips of his toes for a majority of the show.
Jean didn’t notice until the main band came on stage and started playing. Jean glanced over at Armin and saw an excited, yet somewhat annoyed expression on his face. He let out a laugh and squatted down beside him, motioning him over.
“Get on my shoulders.” He spoke. Armin blushed and nodded, climbing onto Jean’s shoulders and blushing with the ease the older teen had in standing up with his added weight, placing his hands on Armin’s thighs to keep him stable. Once he could see, Armin couldn’t help but smile widely, enjoying the music immensely. He leaned in to kiss the top of Jean’s head before screaming and cheering with the other members of the crowd as the band played.

Eren arrived to the concert a bit late. In the end he decided to take Mikasa. Despite her goth appearance, the girl wasn’t much of a fun of heavy metal but she decided to join him anyways. The two shoved their way through the crowd until they could see the stage. Once they were in a comfortable spot to stand, Mikasa looked around a bit before noticing a tall man with a shorter blond male on his shoulders. They were both head banging and screaming along to the music. She chuckled a bit before letting out a small gasp.
“That can’t be-“ she chuckled.
Eren looked at his friend then in the direction she was facing. He blinked at the sight. Jean and Armin at the same concert. Armin enjoying metal music. It was the last thing he expected to see. It almost made him angry at first considering how intense the entire situation was. This place was dangerous for Armin and he was almost tempted to walk over and pull the blond out of the concert. But then he caught a glimpse of the smile on his face. He looked so happy. He couldn’t disrupt that.

The concert went on until nearly 11:00pm. People slowly began to make their way out of the crowded area. Mikasa took advantage of the dispersing crowd and ran over to Jean and Armin, calling their names and waving at them.
Jean was sitting near the stage with Armin massaging his shoulders even though Jean insisted to Armin that he wasn’t sore from carrying him all night. They both looked up and smiled when they saw the black haired girl.
Eren followed slowly behind, not wanting to make anything too awkward with the three, but as soon as he was near them, Armin grew a bit quiet in the conversation.
Jean noticed Eren and scanned him up and down before chuckling a bit.
“Damn, I have a run for my money with you.” He joked, standing up and walking over to the older teen. He looked at Eren’s arms that were slowly being filled with tattoos. He pointed at one and snickered a bit.
“Oh this is nice. Did you do it yourself?” He spoke.
Armin watched the two with a pout, standing up and giving Mikasa a hug before he ran over to Jean, gripping onto his forearm.
“Don’t bully him.” The blond spoke in a firm voice. “Can we go home now?” He asked, looking up at his boyfriend with big eyes.
Jean couldn’t say no to him.
“Y-Yeah..” he muttered, waving at Mikasa and Eren as he began to walk away with the blond.

Eren watched the two leave, biting his lip. Armin had just stood up for him, he couldn’t remember the last time that happened. It was sweet.
“Armin!” He called.
The blond stopped in his tracks, hesitating to look over at Eren. It took him a moment, but he finally did.
“What’s your favorite band?” Eren asked, praying to god that the other teen wouldn’t just ignored him. Luckily, his prayers were answered.
Though Armin didn’t really like the small talk, he had no reason for not answering. He pursed his lips in thought before nodding his head.
“Probably Korn or Nirvana.” He spoke, giving Eren a small smile before he started walking away.
Armin grasped Jean’s hand as they made their way back to the car, squeezing it as he stared down at his feet, hating himself for saying too much or too little to Eren. Once they were at the car, Jean smiled at the blond and gently lifted his chin up with his pointer and middle finger, leaning in to press a deep kiss to his lips. Armin blushed. Jean was such a jerk, being all smooth like that. It couldn’t help but distract him from everything with Eren.
Armin stood on his tippy toes and threw his arms around Jean’s neck, happily receiving the kiss and letting it grow deeper and more sensual. Soon his pulse began to speed up as the kiss got hotter and Jean moved to grip his ass. Armin pulled away.
“L-Lets go home.” He giggled, rubbing the back of his neck as he blushed.
Jean nodded.

As they drove Jean reached out to rub Armin’s thigh, occasionally smirking over at him. The blond placed his hand on top of Jean’s laughing lightly as he playfully moved it towards his inner thigh.
Soon they arrived at the flat, Mikasa and Eren arriving shortly after. The two would’ve been up in Armin’s room by this point if they hadn’t begun to flirt and make out in the car more.

Eren walked over to the car as he noticed the headlights were still on, thinking Armin had probably already run upstairs and Jean was just being creepy. He winced at the sight of the two sucking face and let out an audible groan as he walked back to the car to grab his stuff.
Mikasa made her way to look at the car as Eren groaned, letting out a dry laugh as she saw the boys. She hit the top of the truck and crossed her arms.
“Armin, if you want to sneak him in you better go when Eren and I are coming inside.” She spoke.
Armin blushed as they were interrupted, looking over at Mikasa and nodding.

“Thanks, puddin’” Jean spoke with a smirk, causing Armin to gasp and playfully smack his arm.
The four walked into the building together, entering into their separate flats.
Eren was almost tempted to say something as the couple ran upstairs, hormones clearly raging. But he kept quiet, he had done enough damage to Armin’s happiness already. He didn’t need to interrupt it. But his silence didn’t keep him from aching. Seeing Armin with someone else tore him apart. Especially when he was so happy.
It was hard not to be upset as bed began to move, causing the hardwood floor to creak, the noise traveling down to his room. The muffled sounds from above were what really got to him. Moans of each other’s names, the unmistakable sound of Armin being railed by another man upstairs, and even worse: Armin clearly enjoying every moment of it.
Eren didn’t cover his ears as much as he wanted to. Instead he just closed his eyes and listened, imagining he was the one causing Armin to make those sounds.
——
The two boys fumbled up the stairs and into the flat, Armin grinning and shushing Jean as they walked backwards to his bedroom, stumbling as they made their way inside. Armin motioned for Bean to get off his bed and quickly closed and locked the door once the dog left, smirking at Jean and wrapping his arms around the taller teen’s shoulders. Jean smirked as well and moved to hold onto his hips, walking Armin towards the bed and pushing him down and admiring the view of the blond on the bed. Jean slowly leaned over Armin, taking in everything about him. The way he smelt, the way his eyes grew darker the closer their bodies got, the way his breath was hot and shaky as Jean began to kiss him deeply. Jean was gentle at first, allowing Armin to take as much control as he wanted, before taking the lead himself. He cupped Armin’s cheek with one hand, placing the other on his hip. The kiss was hot and deep. Their tongues swirled against one another’s as their breaths grew increasingly labored and lust filled their senses.
Jean slowly pulled away, watching as a small trail of saliva continued to connect their tongues. Armin’s eyes were now closed, his face was redder than he had ever seen it. The older teen almost chuckled at how red Armin’s nose was. It was always a bit pink, but now that he was flustered it was especially so. Blue eyes fluttered open, catching Jean’s mouth form into that grin that made Armin feel weak. Jean moved his hand moved his hand away from Armin’s face and snaked over to his ass. His fingers kneaded the skin, causing Armin’s breath to hitch as excitement grow in his lower regions.
“Are you doing okay?” Jean asked softly, “Can I start to take off your clothes?”
Armin bit his lip at those words. He assessed his body, assessed how his heart felt. It was fast, yet he didn’t feel uncomfortable.
“I-I’m good.” The blond nodded, shifting his weight and sitting up slightly, reaching out to unbutton Jean’s shirt with trembling hands. Their voices were quiet in order to avoid being caught, but Armin almost gasped at the sight of tan skin and built muscle once the article of clothing was slipped off. He didn’t dare make eye contact with Jean as he slowly ran his fingers against his abs, pecks and deltoids.
Jean almost laughed at the childish wonder he saw in Armin’s eyes as the small hand ran across his chest. The larger male leaned in closer to the other, mimicking Armin’s movements and beginning to pull off the other’s shirt.
“H-Hey..” the blond squeaked. “C-Can I leave it on?”
Jean raised an eyebrow.
“Why would you want to do that?”
“I-I’m not muscular like you…and I’ve had a lot of surgeries s-so my chest is all scarred up and ugly..” Armin babbled with an embarrassed look.
Jean rolled his eyes and placed another hot kiss on Armin’s lips.
“I think you’re beautiful.” Jean reassured. “I do love this shirt though..” he chuckled, admiring the piece of clothing he had bought for Armin and how happy he was when he got it as he began slowly pulling the shirt off.
What Jean saw wasn’t ugly at all. Sure, some more weight would do wonders to his body, but he wasn’t unattractive in the slightest. His skin was a light peach color with muscle tone visible under the delicate skin. On his sternum lay a long vertical scar, light pink in color. A few small horizontal scars littered his chest directly below the large scar, but none of them made Jean want to look away.
“Why are you so insecure?” He asked softly, looking back up at Armin, blue eyes meeting honey brown. Armin’s face got hot at the question. He swallowed hard and shrugged a bit.
“I-I guess I’ve never liked how it looks…it’s the first thing you see..I-I think it’s a little..” Armin paused trying to find the right word “Intense?”
“Hell yeah it’s intense.” Jean spoke, running his fingertips down it. “It’s badass.” He began to chuckle. “God you’re hot..” Jean sighed, trailing his hands down Armin’s chest, making sure his thumbs caressed the pink nipples. He moved closer to the other and began to gently nibble his neck.
Armin let out a small moan at the sensation. He ran his hands down the older boys back and down to his pants where he began to gently tug. Jean did little to help him, instead leaving warmer and more intense kisses along the blond’s pale neck.
Soon Armin managed to pull Jean’s pants off, helped of course by Jean reaching down to unbutton his pants and unzip the fly.
With his own pants off, Jean took it as a signal to pull off Armin’s as well. His large hands ran from Armin’s torso to his crotch. With a smug smirk he began to palm the other gently, letting out a chuckle of pleasure as the boy beneath him let out a surprised, and rather loud moan.
The noise was like music to Jean’s ears. He couldn’t help but continue to rub his hand against the other, smirking as the smaller male began to whine and buck his hips up at the touch, his blue eyes closed shut as his breaths became heavier. Jean could feel Armin’s pulse begin to speed up under his lips, so he slowly pulled away, letting the blond regain composure for a moment.
“W-Why’d you stop..” Armin gasped, opening his eyes and pouting.
“You’re getting excited.” The brunette spoke, running his hands up and down Armin’s sides, noting every curve and bone he touched.
“O-Of course I’m getting excited! Y-You’re touching my dick!” The blond scoffed, crossing his arms in protest and taking a few deep breaths in order to calm down the thudding of his heart.
Jean laughed and leaned in to peck his lips.
“I’m sorry, I just want to make sure you’re safe.” He spoke.
“I’ll tell you if I need to stop, I don’t need you doing it for me…that’s what I hate about Eren..” The blond muttered, looking irritated. Everything was quiet for a moment before Armin looked back over at Jean and gave a sickly sweet grin. “Now can you take off your underwear please?” He batted his eyelashes at the other, watching as Jean’s face grew red at his manipulation.
Jean obliged, pulling his boxers off and letting out a small sigh of relief as his cock was released from the confines of the thin, yet restricting fabric. He looked up at Armin and almost choked at his reaction. The blond was smirking.
“Y-You’re a little bit of a pervert aren’t you?” The amber eyed male chuckled. Armin just nodded, admiring the full nakedness of his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around the others neck, pulling him close.
Jean’s cock was big and thick. He never really understood why people called him a horse, but hell if they were referring to his dick Armin certainly understood now. He had a deep v line with a happy trail running up to his navel.
The smirk was quickly wiped off Armin’s face when Jean decided it was time for him to get naked as well. Without warning he pulled off the other’s boxers, causing him to gasp and blush deeply, instinctively closing his legs and reaching his hands down to cover his nakedness. Jean laughed.
“Oh c’mon, don’t be insecure..” he spoke, placing his hands on Armin’s thighs and slowly pulling his legs apart.
Armin’s breath shuddered as Jean touched his legs and pulled them apart. He couldn’t help but close his eyes as he was being exposed. God he was embarrassed.
“Fuck..” Jean sighed, placing both hands on Armin’s hips and smirking down at him. Armin’s skin was soft and smelt sweet, making Jean wonder if the teen moisturized every time he got out of the shower. His cock was large in proportion to his body, though certainly smaller than his own. It was clear Armin had shaved the hairs around his groin shortly before in preparation for what they were currently doing, a thought that made Jean smirk.. Everything was laid out and planned in Armin’s mind beforehand. Even the things that did come in the heat of the moment were thoroughly plot out before action was taken, and God did that turn him on. “You’re so fucking sexy..” he hummed, finally letting his lips attack another part of Armin’s body, this time his collarbone. He sucked on the skin, leaving small hickies along the protruding bone.
As Armin hummed and sighed in content with the warm, wet touches along as shoulder and clavicle, Jean slowly began to move his kisses down. He slowly reached his chest, looking up at Armin as he noticed the blond tense up slightly, biting his lip and furrowing his eyebrows in worry. Jean let his kisses reassure him. He kissed down the scar on his breastbone before back up to his peck where he let a few hickies before running his tongue over his nipple.
The blond blushed deeply at the tender touches, letting out a soft moan as the warm tongue touched the sensitive bud. Jean smiled to himself as Armin enjoyed the touch and immediately repeated his action. Jean began to suck on the nipple, swirling his tongue around it as it became hard in his mouth. He reached up with his right hand to knead the other nipple, as his other hand rubbed circles into Armin’s soft inner thigh.
Armin’s hands went to Jean’s hair as he let out soft moans and whines, biting his lip and trying his best to keep himself from bucking his hips up. A louder moan came when Jean switched to licking the other nipple, his right hand now moving to slowly run his fingertips up and down the length of Armin’s cock. The smaller boy gasped and tugged at his boyfriends hair, panting gently and reaching out to wrap his hand around Jean’s cock. He squeezed it lightly as he pumped it in his hand.
Jean let out a deep moan as he was touched and began to kiss to the center of Armin’s chest. As he slowly began to stroke Armin with one hand, he brought the other up Armin’s lips.
Armin stared down at the long fingers and raised an eyebrow before releasing Jean wanted him to suck on them. The blond obliged, slowly taking two of the fingers into his mouth, running his tongue over and in between them, coating them with saliva as his eyes wandered to Jean, waiting for his signal to stop. The corners of the brunettes mouth twitched with a smirk as his digits filled Armin’s mouth. He couldn’t help but imagine the same feeling of warm wetness on his cock. He slowly pulled them out once he felt they were lubricated enough. With his other hand he spread Armin’s legs.
“Do you want to be in this position or a different one?” He asked.
“I-I..” Armin stumbled over his words, feeling his brain turn to mush as they spoke of positions and he realized what Jean was intending to do with those fingers. “I’m not sure..”
Jean nodded and thought for a moment before patting Armin’s side.
“Lay on your stomach for me..” he told him. His voice was gentle, yet stern. It sent shivers down Armin’s spine. With a nod Armin flipped over. Though he couldn’t see the others face, he new he was certainly smirking at the sight of his ass, as his hands immediately went to groping at it.
Soon Armin let out a small gasp as he felt a finger press against his entrance, rubbing the saliva in and slowly pressing inside of him.
The blond had touched himself like this before, several times in fact, yet it was always something short and sweet. His heart would beat too fast right before he reached his climax, often leaving him scared and not wanting to finish himself off. His heart was thudding right now, yet he felt safe with Jean. If anyone else knew his body and what was too much for him, it was Jean. If he would start to feel sick, Jean wouldn’t be mad at him for wanting to stop. It was comforting.
The feeling of the finger being pushed inside him was different as well. Jean’s hands were much bigger than his own with callused skin and short nails. It didn’t hurt all that bad and it wasn’t until the second finger that Armin began to feel a bit of an ache.
Jean leaned in to kiss his neck and his spine, slowly pulling the fingers in and out, paying close attention to how tense his lover felt beneath him.
“You okay?” He questioned, breathing in Armin’s scent.
“Y-Yeah..” Armin stuttered in between soft moans and heavy breaths. He moaned softly as Jean stretched him out more, moving the fingers in different ways. Sometimes he would pull the fingers out all the way, or press them against his sweet spot in a way that made his moans and breath hitch. Once he was fully used to the intrusion, Armin found himself wanting more. His moans became whines of need and if he wasn’t so breathless he found that he would be begging Jean for more.
Jean found the process of fingering Armin incredibly enjoyable. He didn’t even need to touch himself to get off to it. The way Armin’s body twisted and his back arched as he was touched in the most sensitive places made Jean’s cock twitch. Soon he noticed Armin getting lost in the pleasure of it. His moans turned to whines and his breathing grew quick and short. Jean pulled his fingers out, placing his hand on Armin’s hip as he wrapped his arm around the teen’s chest. He could feel Armin’s heart pounding against his forearm. It was the closest he had ever been to feeling Armin’s heart, the thing that troubled him so much. Though it was beating fast and hard, Jean could feel the weakness it had. The muscle would occasionally skip a beat or beat quickly before slowing down to a more consistent pace. Jean kissed the back of Armin’s head, listening to his breaths become slower. Armin did very little protest at Jean’s short pause. Once Armin’s heart slowed to an appropriate pace, the blond let out a little chuckle and looked over his shoulder at Jean.
“T-Thanks..” he chuckled. “I was getting a little dizzy there..”
Jean smiled and kissed his cheek.
“I could tell. Are you okay with continuing? Or do we need to stop?”
Armin assessed his body for a moment. His held felt fuzzy and his vision was still adjusting after black spots began to appear a few minutes back. He bit his lip and continued to breathe. Jean didn’t push him to hurry up, he just held him close and waited.
“I’m okay..” Armin soon spoke. “Just don’t be mad if we have to stop in the middle of it..” he chuckled. Jean smiled warmly.
“That wouldn’t make me mad at all.” He told him, sitting up slightly and looking around. “Do you have any lube? Condoms?” The brunette questioned.
Armin nodded, pointing to his desk table.
“Yeah...” He chuckled, watching at the other stood up and went to grab them. Armin couldn’t help but smirk and whistle when he saw Jean’s butt. “Damn, you got a fatty.” The blond giggled. “Have you ever seen Eren’s in the shower after practice? It’s unbelievably flat.” He chuckled, his smile faltering a bit. Why did he have to mention Eren again?
Jean hardly cared and began to laugh, walking back and crawling over him. Both hands went straight to Armin’s ass.
“You don’t have a bad one yourself.” He spoke. “I’m more impressed with your hips though.” Jean smiled, running his hands down to sides, humming as he felt wide hips taper into a smaller waist.
Armin blushed at the caresses and leaned into his touch, looking back at him and smirking. His eyes went down to Jean’s cock. He let out a small giggle of excitement.
“You gonna fuck me now or what?” Armin blushed as he spoke those words, not expecting something so filthy to ever come out of his mouth. Hell, Armin had been having dirty thoughts ever since puberty, and he was way more pervert than must people though, especially due to all the books he read, but everyone saw him as some sick innocent kid. He always hated that perception of himself, yet always intended to keep it so that his memory was pristine and clean after he died. But something about having less of a filter was a bit freeing, plus the surprised look on Jean’s face made him giggle.
“Would you prefer for me to beg?” He stated, his smile turning wider as Jean became flustered. When no response came Armin giggled “or are you the type that prefers being told what to do?”
“Yes.” Jean deadpanned.
The blond giggled some more, wiggling his ass and humming.
“Make love to me Jean, I’m waiting..” he hummed in a sickly sweet voice.
With that Jean couldn’t help himself. He quickly poured some lube into his hands and began to stroke himself, coating his entire length. With a smirk he moved to rub the excess lube over Armin’s chest, massaging his nipples and making the smaller boy moan.
Armin lifted his hips up to meet Jean’s as the brunette lined himself with the blond’s entrance.
“C-C’mon already!” Armin encouraged, “d-do it-“ as Jean pressed the head of his cock in, all dominance in Armin’s voice slipped away.
The immediate sensation was a sharp pain that caused the blond to tense up and grit his teeth. He prayed Jean would give him a few moments to settle, and was glad when his boyfriend pressed his body against his own, kissing his head and not moving an inch until Armin’s pants slowed down. Jean eventually spoke.
“Are you okay?” His breath was deep and airy. “God you feel so fucking good..” he sighed, placing kissed on his head. Armin took a few breaths before nodding.
“Y-Yeah..” the blond stuttered. “Y-You can move, j-just go slow..”
Jean leaned in to kiss a place on his cheek as his hands gripped Armin’s hips. He began to pull out before sliding back in, trying his best to not moan as he waited for any audible responses from the other.
Armin remained quiet for a while. The feeling was still somewhat painful, though the sensation slowly became more odd and pleasurable the more Jean moved. The sharp pain became a dull ache that traveled from the end of his spine to his stomach. At first he didn’t like it. It wasn’t like fingers touching him in carefully thought out ways with the only intention of making him orgasm. Instead it was rough and hard. But soon warm waves of pleasure ran through him, causing shivers to rush down his spine as he finally began to moan.
When Jean heard those moans, he knew he could finally let himself go. He moaned in time with Armin, though it was a deeper more guttural sound. He began to thrust harder, letting his hands grip tighter on the other males hips.
“S-So good..” the brunette sighed.
Armin began to look over his shoulder, his lips parted and his eyebrows furrowed as he moaned and admired the beauty of Jean’s blushed face. They made eye contact and Jean quickly moved in for a kiss. Making out made everything more intense, more intimate.
The kisses lasted for a few minutes before they finally parted. Armin allowed himself to moan and gasp in response to every thrust and movement. It was so deep, hitting every spot that made him shiver and see spots in his vision.
“P-Please harder..” the blond began to beg.
Jean panted, nodding. He thrusted a couple more times before pulling out and helping Armin flip over onto his back. He pulled Armin’s legs over his shoulders as he sat on his knees, placing his hands on the boys sides as he began to thrust again, finally letting himself go as hard as he wished.
The blond was loosing himself in pleasure. His held felt fuzzy as he dug his hands into the sheets, moaning Jean’s name and begging for him to go harder. Armin moaned the filthiest words Jean had ever heard, turning him on even more.
As Jean listened to all of his boyfriends desires, the bed began to creak harder and harder. He could slowly feel his orgasm rising and causing his stomach to twist, but he bit his lip, reaching to stroke Armin’s cock in time with his thrusts. He watched with hooded eyes as the blond was sent over the edge, arching his back and panting heavily. All of Armin’s senses felt on edge.
He knew his heart was racing dangerously fast, yet it only added to the pleasure. It was exhilarating, somewhat frightening. He couldn’t get enough. But soon he felt his climax coming. It took all the strength in him not to curl into a ball or push Jean’s hand aside as the stimulation became overwhelming. It didn’t take long for him to release, cumming into Jean’s hand with a soft cry of his name, bucking his hips up as his orgasm came in intense waves. It didn’t take long for Jean’s orgasm to come. He came shortly after, letting out deep breathy moans as he released into the other.
Jean hesitated to pull out, not wanting to leave the warmth of his lover so fast. When he did he sighed and laid beside Armin, waiting for his breath to return to a normal pace.
He looked over at his boyfriend, watching his chest rise and fall quickly as wide blue eyes stared up at the ceiling.
Jean’s head felt fuzzy from his release, but soon he grew a bit concerned as he hadn’t checked on his boyfriend at hardly any point during the intense portion of sex. He quickly sat up and leaned over Armin.
Armin smiled as the other male looked at him. He gave Jean a quick thumbs up as he continued to breathe, his heart finally slowing down to a pace that didn’t frighten him. When Jean determined his lover was okay, he wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close, feeling the most sleepy he had ever felt in his life.
Despite never wanting to move again and feeling the most relaxed he had ever felt in his life, Armin nudged Jean gently and attempted to sit up.
“You should go.. don’t want my grandpa seeing your car in the morning.” He whispered.
Jean almost laughed.
“Baby, he definitely knows I’m here. Do you know how loud you were moaning?”
Armin blushed brightly at the statement, covering his mouth and giving Jean a concerned look.
Jean chuckled and opened his arms wide for Armin, looking at him with sad eyes.
“Oh c’mon baby, let me stay the night. I want to cuddle.” He pouted. Armin frowned, happily accepting Jean’s embrace and the chance to get to rest his head on his muscular chest. The brunette smirked triumphantly, laying his arm against Armin’s back and occasionally giving his ass a squeeze as he admired the boy’s still red face. His normally neat hair was in every direction, and for the first time Jean could actually see his forehead. He took advantage of this and kissed him, causing the blond to blush even more.
“If I get yelled at in the morning, you have to stay for every minute of it.” Armin spoke. Jean rolled his eyes and nodded.
“Anything for you, cupcake.”
With that Armin closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of the ocean and those he loved…including Eren.

Chapter Text

Hey babes. I HATE this story. Omg. I’ve grown so much as a person and as a writer in the last year and this is just embarrassing. I know a lot of you have enjoyed this so I’m sorry if I’m letting you down. Hey, maybe I’ll pick it back up one day.
I’m planning on writing a new story though! Jearmin and Eremin are still my favorite ships. What stories would you like to read? I’m happy to take suggestions. I’m thinking about maybe doing a yandere little thing. I love angst so let me know how you feel about that!
I am a college student so I don’t really have much time to write fanfiction but hopefully during winter break I can pick it up again!