Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tony awoke with a groan, cheek pressed against cold concrete. His eyelids fluttered open, revealing an unfamiliar ceiling. “What the fuck?” he muttered, pushing himself up on one elbow.

Last he checked, he’d been with Pepper. Now he was sprawled out on what looked suspiciously like the floor of a private theater.

Fantastic.

He sat up slowly, swaying as his head pounded, and staggered to his feet with the help of the nearest wall. Concrete wasn’t exactly known for its comfort. He blinked hard. Did I get kidnapped again? He did a quick mental inventory. No visible wounds, clothes intact, no telltale hangover haze.

Couldn’t be the booze. He’d been cutting back ever since the birthday incident. To be fair, he'd thought he was dying, and if he was going to go out, he wanted to do it in style. Sue him.

His eyes scanned the room. Sprawled across the floor like a pile of overdressed corpses were Steve, Banner, Natasha, Thor, Clint, Rhodey, Pepper (thank God), Happy, and Fury.

And then… strangers.

A man with black and gray hair, a suspiciously stylish wardrobe, and what looked like a stolen prop from a fantasy movie hanging around his neck. Another man with long, dark hair and enough brooding energy to summon the nearest Hot Topic employee. A teenager with red hair that looked like she could be Natasha’s twin… or daughter. Who knew how old Romanoff really was? 

He looked around and counted four more teenagers. Why are there so many kids here? 

And wait, is that the son of King T’Chaka? Tony was only half sure on that one. They’d never been formally introduced beyond a glance at some bureaucratic soiree.

And then his gaze landed on a familiar, unwelcome face.

“Loki?” he said aloud, mostly to himself. “Oh, hell no.”

Around him, groans and grumbles started to rise as the rest of the group began to stir, everyone waking up from what could only be described as forced group beauty sleep.

Tony rubbed at his temples and sighed. “This better not be another mind-control alien god scenario. I am not doing another one of those without coffee.” 

“You can say that again,” Banner muttered as he staggered upright beside Tony, one hand braced on his knee, the other rubbing at his temple. “Do you have any idea what could’ve caused this?”

Tony shook his head, still scanning the room. “Not unless I passed out while eating shawarma, and someone decided to collect the whole damn team like Pokémon.”

“Yeah. Getting all the Avengers in one place without warning?” Natasha’s voice was dry as ever, but her eyes were sharp, sweeping the room with calculated precision. “Big red flag.”

Before Tony could even start untangling the why behind any of this, a voice crackled to life over a hidden speaker.

“Hiya!”

It was high-pitched and cheerful, but unmistakably masculine and loud enough to make half the room jump.

Pepper definitely jumped.

She shot upright with a gasp, hair a mess and heart clearly racing, and made a beeline for Tony like a woman on the brink. Her hands latched onto his shoulders like anchors.

“What’s going on? Why are we here? Oh, Tony… I can’t keep doing this! One of these days, I’m going to have a heart attack from all these scares.”

“Hey, hey…breathe,” Tony said quickly, catching her wrists and gently peeling her hands off his shoulders. “I don’t know what’s happening yet, but I will figure it out. You know I always do.” He gave her a reassuring squeeze and glanced around the room with a frown. “Let’s just… keep it together until I can come up with a plan.”

“Aww… Isn’t that a touching moment? I can’t wait to see it again.” The mysterious voice continued. “Once one capsicle sees his other popsicle, I will!” He giggled.

“Capsicle?” Steve echoed with a slightly resigned look on his face.

Tony turned toward him, smirking. 

“Steve?”

Every muscle in Steve’s body went rigid. He didn’t answer.

Steve slowly turned towards that long-haired dude who called him and just… stared. 

 “Rogers?” Bruce called, watching him with concern. “Are you having a stroke? Who is that?”

Steve took a shaky step forward, then another, until he stood face-to-face with the man. Without warning, he threw his arms around him.

It wasn’t a casual hug. It was desperate. Tight enough to break ribs if the guy wasn’t enhanced.

The other man flinched hard at the sudden contact, visibly tense and stiff in Steve’s grip.

“Bucky…” Steve’s voice cracked, raw with disbelief. “I thought you died.”

For a moment, Bucky didn’t move. But then, slowly, cautiously, he lifted his hands and returned the hug like he wasn’t sure it was real either.

“We just saw each other like an hour ago,” Bucky muttered, brow furrowing as they pulled apart. “What’s going on?”

Natasha stepped closer, eyes narrowing. “Steve, who is he?”

He gave her a cursory glance. “This is my friend, Bucky, from back in World War Two. We were running a mission and he fell to his death,” He glanced back at Bucky. “-or so I thought.” 

The mysterious and annoying voice was back again… and it was squealing. “Aww, isn’t this sweet? Well, I think it’s time for everyone to grab a pillow and introduce themselves! Name, and what year you’re from, please!”

“How about you start?” Thor challenged, arms crossed.

“Aww, how considerate.” The voice cleared his throat. “The name’s Deadpool. Year: 42069.”

“No way that’s the actual year you’re from. And why would the year even matter?” Bruce muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“It would matter when I plucked everyone from different years. But enough about me, you need to know who you’ll be dealing with in the room you’re in.”

One of the kids shot his hand up. “Um, well I’m Peter Parker. Oh! Mr. Stark! What’s the deal? Are we fighting?” Peter bounded up to him.

“Aw!! Tiny baby Spidey!” Deadpool squealed. Peter looked up with a confused face.

“Uh, hi? You already know my name, 2012.” Tony held out his hand to Peter who awkwardly shook it.

Peter hesitated, then shook it awkwardly. “Wow… I’d be twelve in your time. I’m from 2016. So I guess you haven’t met me yet.” His voice dipped at the end, eyes dropping to the floor like a kicked puppy.

Great, Tony thought. A sixteen-year-old kid. Fantastic.

“Nicholas Fury, 2012,” Fury said gruffly, arms folded. 

“Um. I’m Scott Lang. From 2015.”

“I’m Dr. Pym and this is my daughter, Hope. We’re with the idiot, 2015.” Scott made an offended noise.

“Clint Barton. 2012,” Clint said simply, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall.

“It’s Doctor Stephen Strange,” the man in the cloak added, his tone dry and clipped. “From 2016.”

Peter frowned. “I thought we were giving our real names…”

Strange slowly turned his head to give Peter a look so withering it could sterilize a field. Tony couldn’t help the snort that escaped him.

“Natasha. 2012,” she said coolly, arms at her sides but alert, like she was expecting a trap.

“Thor, son of Odin,” the Asgardian declared, lifting his chin. “In your Midgard years… 2012, I believe.”

“Steve Rogers, 2012,” Steve said with a steady nod.

“Bucky Barnes. 2016.” Steve blinked at him, confusion flickering across his face before he looked away.

“Shuri. 2016,” the young teen said brightly, glancing around with open curiosity.

“Wanda Maximoff. 2015,” came a softer voice. Wanda gave a small wave, keeping close to the wall.

“Drax,” the big man rumbled, arms folded across his chest like a wall.

“Mantis,” she said with a cheerful wave, her antennae twitching as she looked around with wide-eyed wonder.

“Peter Quill,” said the man in the red jacket, flashing a crooked grin. “Better known as Star-Lord , by the way.”

“I’m Gamora,” she stated coolly, posture stiff and eyes constantly scanning the room like she didn’t trust a soul in it.

“I’m Nebula,” came a more cautious voice. As she stepped forward, the other four turned sharply to stare her down. Nebula hesitated, then inched a few paces away from the group. “Based on your reactions... beginning of 2014?” Her eyes flicked toward Gamora.

“Based on yours ... future?” Rocket asked, one brow raised, his tone laced with suspicion.

“Yes. Just a couple of months after you meet me,” Nebula said tightly. “I’m not going to attack you.”

“Oh really?” Gamora said, eyes narrowing.

Nebula didn’t respond. She just crossed her arms and looked away. 

“MJ, losers. From 2016,” said the redhead, deadpan, arms crossed as she leaned against a column like this was the most boring school assembly in history.

“Carol Danvers, 2017,” said the blonde woman in the flight suit, her tone clipped but confident.

"Hello. I am Yelena." The woman with the short blonde hair and thick Russian accent stepped forward casually, hands in her jacket pockets.

Natasha narrowed her eyes and strode toward her. “What are you doing here?” she asked, voice flat and clinical.

Yelena blinked at her. “Fuck if I know. I inhale red smoke and poof! Here I am. Why are you here?” Natasha turned on her heel and walked away without a word. Yelena watched her go, unimpressed. “Rude,” she muttered. Then louder, “Oh, year. We were doing years. The year is 2016."

Steve stepped forward slightly, brow furrowed. “Do you know her, Natasha?”

Natasha didn’t answer.

“Oh wow, I’m in a room with the Avengers… and aliens. This is, like, the greatest day of my life, Peter! There are real Avengers!” Ned practically word-vomited in a single breath, holding onto Peter’s arm tightly. Tony rolled his eyes at the fanboying session.

“Yeah, they’re Avengers. Keep it together.” Peter tried to hiss subtly under his breath, but it came out rushed and far too loud. Ned quickly let go of Peter, cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he backed off to sit on a nearby couch, wiping his hands on his jeans like he was trying to calm himself down.

“H-Hey, I’m Ned Leeds!” he said, giving a nervous wave.

“King T’Challa, 2017.” The king’s voice was steady, but his eyes narrowed slightly as he took in the room. King? Tony thought. What happened to the other one?  

“Is this really necessary?” Loki sighed, his voice dripping with annoyance as he crossed his arms. “Loki. 2017, in your Earth years.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, why is he here? Are Asgard’s prison sentences really this lenient, Pointbreak? Or did he just escape again?” He shot Loki a pointed glare, his arms folded defensively across his chest.

Loki’s eyes narrowed, but he leaned back against the wall, his posture cool and unconcerned. “I’ll have you know I served out my sentence. Under... special circumstances.”

“Oh, special circumstances, my ass!” Tony snapped, his voice laced with sarcasm.

Loki’s lips curled into a smile, but there was a strange quiet in his gaze. “You don’t have to trust me. You don’t even have to believe me. But I haven’t given you a reason to fight me in quite a while. A lot can change in five years.”

“I agree with Loki,” Thor spoke up, his voice calm but firm.

“What! Are you crazy?!” Banner's disbelief was palpable as he shot to his feet, fists clenched. “He nearly destroyed New York and tried to take over our world, and now you’re just going to believe him? Like that?”

Thor’s brow furrowed slightly, his gaze steady. “I said I agreed with him. I did not say that I trust him. Trust is earned, but he has made no move to preach his skewed views or attack any of us. I say we can leave him be for now.”

Thor walked toward Loki, the tension between them thick in the air. He met Loki's gaze, unflinching. “But if he tries something…” Thor’s voice hardened. “I will not hesitate to defeat you, brother.”

Loki’s shoulders shifted, and for a moment, his gaze flickered to the floor. “I understand. Though, in all fairness, the scepter they gave me wasn’t exactly great for my mind, nor for anyone else's.”

Clint’s narrowed eyes were the only thing Loki met in response. The room felt a bit colder after his words. 

“Oh wait! I almost forgot a few special someones,” Deadpool chimed in, his voice suddenly chipper.

With no warning, an older man dropped from mid-air, landing flat on his stomach right in front of Loki. He groaned as he slowly got to his feet, his movements stiff and weary. After a quick scan of the room, his gaze locked with Loki’s, and he let out a heavy sigh, tinged with the faintest hint of fondness. “Loki, where are we?” he asked, exasperated.  

“I haven’t the faintest idea where, why, or even who you are,” Loki replied. 

The man examined Loki for a few seconds before a small frown appeared on his face. “Mobius. My name is Mobius.” He extended his hand toward Loki, who took it with a puzzled look.

“You know reindeer games?” Tony asked, his voice laced with a bit of curiosity.

Mobius froze, his eyes wide with panic. He immediately began patting his pockets in a frantic search. “Oh no. Where? What—?” He quickly removed his jacket, rifling through the pockets as if the world depended on it. “No! This could completely ruin the sacred timeline!” He tossed the jacket to the ground in frustration.

“That’s kind of the point of this, Mobius Mobius Mobius,” Deadpool commented with a cheeky grin.

Mobius whipped around, his panic rising. “What?!”

Deadpool smirked. “That’s such a weird name. They could’ve at least been a little more creative. Mobius M. Mobius. Moooooooobiuuuussss…” He drew out the vowels in an exaggerated sing-song tone.

Mobius opened his mouth to protest, but then his voice cut through the air with a sharp edge of desperation. “Enough! What is going on here? Where is my Tempad?!”

“I’ve confiscated it,” Deadpool said casually, hands on his hips. “You can’t use magic here, people. I have plot armor!”

“You took it?” Mobius shrieked, his eyes wide with disbelief. “What are you planning to do with it?”

“Nothing,” Deadpool said nonchalantly, tapping his temple. “You’ll get it back. I already have my own. Those TVA shits are backward. Glad I found a universe where they don’t exist to drop you guys in. Told you, plot armor!” He shrugged dramatically. “Now, here’s special someone number two.”

A woman had exited from a door that seemed to appear and disappear from out of nowhere. She was wearing a long dress that reached the floor. Her golden hair was pulled away from her face in an intricate braid leading up to a bun. 

“Mother!” Thor’s voice rang out as he rushed toward her, his arms open wide.

She welcomed him with equal fervor, enveloping him in a tight hug. But as her gaze swept across the room, she noticed Loki standing off to the side. His eyes were wide, his face pale, and tears quickly welled up.

To her surprise, instead of stepping back, Loki rushed forward, his arms wrapping around her just as tightly. She smiled through the bittersweet moment. “What did I do to deserve such loving boys this fine evening?” She pulled back slightly to look at them, her hands resting on their shoulders, her eyes filled with warmth and affection.

“Just missed you,” Thor and Loki replied simultaneously, their voices soft but heavy with emotion. They both froze for a moment, exchanging a glance of surprise before Thor’s face broke into a wide, genuine smile.

“Name and year Miss Frigga please,” Deadpool asked in a sweet tone. 

Tony, standing just a little further back, raised an eyebrow at Deadpool’s sudden change in tone, but said nothing.

Frigga’s smile softened as she replied, “Freyja Freyrdottir. Frigga shall be fine, though. As for the year, I believe it’s 2014 for Midgard.” She glanced around. “Where is your father? I was told I would be viewing some things…”

Thor’s expression darkened slightly. “He isn’t here.”

Loki frowned from the back of the room, his gaze distant, as if searching for something.

“A pity,” Frigga murmured, then, with a graceful sigh, sat down on a nearby couch.

“I guess it’s my turn,” Pepper said, taking a small breath before continuing. “I am Virginia Potts, 2012. But you can call me Pepper.”

Rhodey looked at her with an eyebrow raised. “Virginia? Really? I’ve never heard you go by that before.” His gaze shifted to Tony with an expression that could only be described as amused annoyance. “You call her Pepper so much, I thought it was her real name.”

Tony shrugged, inspecting the bracers on Rhodey’s legs with mild distraction. “You can’t blame me. Pepper just suits her.”

“I’m James Rhodes, and I’m from 2016,” Rhodey added, his voice still holding a trace of curiosity.

“Sam Wilson, 2014. It’s nice to meet you all,” Sam chimed in, giving a friendly nod.

“Now that that’s all done and over with…” Deadpool jumped in, bouncing on his heels. “Time for the fun stuff: movies and clips!” He clapped his hands together, his voice rising with excitement. “Everyone take a seat because you’ll be here for a while. Don’t even think about escaping because, guess what? I’ve got plot convenience on my side, and all your plans will fail.” He grinned wickedly. “And hey, I’m doing this to help you out anyway, so trying to leave would be pretty dumb.”

Peter tilted his head, a furrow forming on his brow. “Why are you doing this? Aren’t you just looking to hurt us?” he called out, uncertainty in his voice.

Deadpool made an over-exaggerated gasp. “Baby boy! I will never hurt you! I’m showing you the future. Because some bad things happen that really makes me want to unalive some people ,” He dropped his voice deep and startlingly serious for the span of a second before springing back into that unhinged cheer. “And you don’t deserve to go through that, Spidey.” 

Peter’s face paled at the mention of his vigilante persona. 

“Baby boy...?” Tony echoed.

“But why are we here?” MJ gestured to Peter, Ned, and herself. “We aren’t superheroes, and we’re definitely not part of the Avengers in any way.”

“The future is a wonderful thing,” Deadpool said ominously, his voice dripping with mystery. What they didn’t see, though, was Wade winking at Peter through the camera lens, clearly enjoying himself.

“How come Thor gets to keep his hammer?” Rhodey asked with a pointed look, his arms crossed.

“I’m not ‘worthy,’ or some bullshit, so he gets to keep it,” Deadpool shrugged nonchalantly, clearly dismissing the matter.

The screen flickered to life, and everyone scrambled to grab seats. The teenagers claimed an entire row of couches, leaving the adults to awkwardly fill the remaining space. Most of the Avengers clustered together, except for Tony and Steve, who made sure to take seats on opposite sides of the room. Tony sat with Rhodey and Pepper, while Steve ended up with Bucky, and Sam Wilson settled in close by.

Mobius sat with Loki, who found himself unable to escape Thor’s presence. No matter how much Loki tried to distance himself, Thor plopped down next to him. With a resigned sigh, Loki leaned slightly toward Mobius, trying to create a little breathing room between himself and his loud, boisterous brother.

Frigga, calm as always, settled just above them, within arm’s reach, observing the group with a knowing smile.

Chapter Text

Comic book pages flipped across the screen as the MARVEL logo made its appearance out of the pictures.

"Marvel?" Tony couldn't help but comment, his tone carrying a hint of sarcasm. "That's quite an ostentatious name."

"The higher-ups who made us. RIP, Stan Lee," Deadpool concluded with a dramatic, fake sob. Tony chose to ignore the eccentric man's antics and focus on the unfolding events.

The blaring sound of "Back In Black" filled the room, causing Peter to flinch involuntarily at the volume, his sensitive superhearing making it more jarring than he expected. He briefly contemplated moving away from the other teenagers and the booming speakers, possibly to sit with Tony, but then remembered that Tony had no knowledge of their connection yet, leaving him hesitant.

Tony and Rhodey braced themselves. The memories instantly came up the second they saw the vehicles. Tony turned away from the screen, and Pepper and Rhodey did not blame him.

It showed military vehicles driving down a dirt road, mountains surrounding both sides of the path.

Scott, his curiosity piqued, couldn't help but wonder aloud, "So this is obviously somewhere in, like, Afghanistan or Iraq, right? Or maybe Iran?"

Tony, his tone marked by restrained anger, replied with, "Afghanistan." Recognition flickered in the eyes of some, while Fury remained silent, attentively scrutinizing every detail on the screen. SHIELD had never managed to unravel the full extent of what Tony had endured during his captivity, but this footage would no doubt provide a distressing glimpse.

Drax, his face characteristically devoid of emotion, voiced his confusion. "I am not following. What is Afghanistan?"

"It's a place on a planet. Let's just chalk it up to that," Strange offered, attempting to simplify the matter for Drax's benefit. The Guardians, except for Gamora and Rocket, appeared to simultaneously grasp the significance of the situation, creating a comical moment for the onlookers.

The camera cut to inside HumVee to show Tony sitting in the back holding a glass of alcohol, the soldiers around him kept glancing nervously.

Shuri couldn't resist pointing out the obvious, "Well, this is awkward."

Howard, his gaze shifting toward Tony, asked, "So this 'movie' is about you?" He turned to find his son awkwardly attempting to divert his attention from the unfolding scenes.

"Obviously," Tony muttered, his tone marked by a mix of discomfort and resignation.

“I feel like you’re driving me to a court-martial. This is crazy. What did I do? I feel like you’re gonna pull over and snuff me. What are you not allowed to talk? Hey, Forrest!”

Tony's quips and antics drew laughter from most in the room. However, Steve's response was more restrained, his expression showing a slight frown though he chose to remain silent.

"Mr. Stark looks so young here," Peter remarked, his observation drawing attention to the striking difference in Tony's appearance.

"What? I am young!" Tony quipped playfully.

Rhodey couldn't help but tease, "Barely."

“Well… you are right now. Not to mean that you weren't young when I met you. Just-” Peter, momentarily flustered, tried to explain himself but ended up dissolving into random noises, causing Tony to snort in amusement.

Tony reassured the young hero, "It's okay, kid. I was just messing with you." His tone was lighthearted, making it clear that he appreciated the banter.

“We can talk, sir.” the soldier replied. “Oh, so it’s personal?” “No, you intimidate them.” The driver spoke up. 

“A female Midgardian warrior!” Thor bellowed. “Lady Sif would be pleased.” Tony looked sad at that and it didn’t go amiss for most of the Avengers. Steve and Nat narrowed their eyes. 

"Good God, you're a woman. I honestly... I couldn't have called that." None of the soldiers show any signs of emotion on their faces. "I mean, I'd apologise, but isn't that what we're going for here? I thought of you as a soldier first." The soldiers start to crack smiles.

Most, if not all, of the women present couldn't help but roll their eyes at Tony's comment. Natasha, always quick with a smirk, remarked, "Nice save." Peggy, however, shot Stark a pointed look, her expression laden with meaning. Howard, on the other hand, couldn't contain his startled laugh.

I'm an airman." The woman replies.

"You have, actually, excellent bone structure, there. I'm kind of having a hard time not looking at you now. Is that weird?"

“Yes, Stark. Yes, it is weird.” Wanda stated, her accent slipping in.

“Very much so.” Hope agreed.

The soldiers start to laugh and have a good time, Tony joins in, laughing at his own wit. "Come on, it's okay, laugh." The male soldier sitting in the front seat turns around. "Sir, I have a question to ask." "Yes, please." "Is it true you went 12 for 12 with last year's Maxim cover models?" Tony takes his glasses off and looks the man in the eye.

A series of groans went out through the theater and Peter looked confused.

“It was my playboy years! I’m not like that anymore… most of the time.” Tony tried to defend himself.

“Make it all of the time.” Howard chastised.

"That is an excellent question. Yes and no. March and I had a scheduling conflict, but fortunately, the Christmas cover was twins.” 

"Should I even ask?" Peter mumbled, ensuring only the teenagers and a few enhanced individuals could hear him.

Shuri chimed in, "No, I don't think you'd want to know the answer."

"I am Groot?" Baby Groot inquired.

Rocket waved him off, saying, "I am not explaining that stuff." Baby Groot frowned, looking rather confused.

“-Anything else?" The man sitting beside Tony slowly lifts his arm up. "You're kidding me with the hand up, right?"

"Remember, Tony, these are soldiers fighting for our country. Let's give them the respect they deserve," Steve finally said.

Tony raised his hands in a mock surrender. "I didn't mean any offense, Cap. Just having a little fun."

Sam chimed in with a grin, "He's right, Steve. After spending all that time in the ice, a little chilling out is allowed." Tony and Sam shared a laugh, lightening the mood in the room.

"Is it cool if I take a picture with you?"

"Yes. It's very cool." The man pulls a camera out of his pocket, and hands it to the other male soldier, before moving to sit beside Tony, putting his fingers up in peace. "I don't want to see this on your MySpace page."

“Oh, my Baast. Myspace? What year is this?” Shuri asked.

"2008," Tony answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"What is Myspace?" Thor inquired, his brow furrowing. "And why is it mine?"

Gamora joined in, her curiosity piqued. "I'm confused as well." She tilted her head, examining the screen.

"Unimportant," Strange dismissed, waving their questions aside.

The guy throws up a peace sign. "Please, no gang signs." The man brings it down before Tony speaks again. "No, throw it up. I'm kidding. Yeah, peace. I love peace. I'd be out of a job with peace."

“What does that mean?” Quill questioned.

"Stark used to make weapons before," Wanda explained, a hint of resentment creeping into her tone. Tony turned away, consumed by self-loathing. How could he have been so naive?

"What do you mean, 'used to'? That's what my company does," Howard stated, looking genuinely puzzled.

Tony responded with a dismissive shrug. "I'm sure if you just shut your old trap and watch, you'll find out." Howard sighed, clearly frustrated with his son's attitude.

"Come on. Hurry up. Just click it. Don't change any settings. Just click it." The man in front prepares to take the picture when the vehicle in front of them explodes.

The sudden blast made most of the room flinch, and Peter had to suppress the urge to jump onto the ceiling. Thankfully, Ned tackled him just in time to prevent his powers from being exposed in front of MJ. Howard also flinched, while Peggy leaned closer to the screen, her face filled with horror.

Groot, on the other hand, quickly ducked in his seat, and Gamora picked him up, shielding his eyes with her hand to block his view of the terrifying scene.

Chaos ensues in the truck. The soldiers were screaming over each other at the sight of the explosion and gunfire raining down on the ‘funvee’.

“What’s happening?!” Scott yelped.

"Contact left!" Comes the airman’s voice. Just as she steps outside she is immediately gunned down.

Carol looked down, her face showing a complex emotion that she eventually schooled into a neutral expression. Tears welled up at the corners of Peter's eyes. Thor paused for a moment to mourn the fallen warrior. Bucky turned away, pretending to be engrossed by a loose thread on his shirt. Strange closed his eyes, unable to fully shake off the impact of witnessing another person's death.

“Jimmy, stay with Stark!” The soldier exits the vehicle to shoot from the hood, only to be shot down a few seconds later.

“Son of a bitch!” Jimmy moves to open the door.

“What is he doing? He just gave you the order to stay there!” Steve shouted at the screen.

“There’s no point in screaming at the screen, Capsicle,” Tony said through his hands. He could already feel his heart starting to race.

“Wait! Give me a gun!” Tony shouts.

“Stay here!” Jimmy shouts and then dies a few seconds later.

“This is awful.” Carol looked away from the screen, having no more strength to just watch people dying without being able to do something about it. Fury stared at the screen with a tense frown.

Tony gets out of the car, his ears ringing while he dodges explosions left and right. He dove behind a rock, pulling out an old phone and frantically pressing buttons. All of a sudden, an explosive lands right next to him bearing the ‘Stark Industries’ logo on the side.

“You were targeted with your own weapons?” Steve asked.

“How messed up is it to have an explosion with your literal name on it…” Sam said to no one in particular. 

“What the hell is my company’s tech doing on the wrong side of the fight?” Howard sat on the edge of his seat. His face hardened.

Tony looked down at the weapon and staggered upright, trying to get out of the blast zone. It went off and he flew backward a couple of feet before landing on his back. 

Howard’s heart leapt to his throat as he saw his son in immediate danger. 

“Mr. Stark!” Peter shrieked, jumping up in alarm at the sight of his mentor getting hurt. 

“For a second there I thought you were gonna die but then I remembered that you’re still sitting right there.” Scott breathed a sigh of relief. Hope hit him on the head. “Ow!” Dr. Pym breathed sharply through his nose. He may hate the guy, but that is… it hits a little too close to home. How one’s tech can be used against them if they fall into the wrong hands.

“Did it miss?” Ned asked.

Pepper grabbed Tony’s arm in a vice grip. 

Tony’s shirt started to stain a deep red and he pulled the button up open to show that the shrapnel had gotten through the bullet-proof vest he was wearing. Tony laid his head down on the dirt and started to close his eyes.

“What?” MJ breathlessly asked. She desperately tried to rein in her face. Emotions aren’t her thing and she isn’t gonna suddenly start emoting now.

Everyone shot glances at Tony and he looked away. He doesn’t need their pity. 

The screen went white for a few moments before fading into what appeared like a bag over the camera a foreign language was fading in and out as the ringing had yet to stop. The camera changed to show a bag being pulled off of a worse for wear Tony. 

“Oh, Tony…” Pepper lamented. She ran her thumb over the back of his hand.  

“That is seriously messed up.” Drax pointed out while eating out of a bag of almonds that the Guardians couldn’t for the life of them find out where he got it from. 

Quill gave him a pointed look. “No shit.” 

He blinked at the harsh light. Many soldiers were standing around him. The camera changed to show someone recording the endeavor. The ten rings flag hung in the background. The Iron Man logo popped up.

“Iron Man?” Many people wondered.

Chapter Text

The scene opened up to show a big event with many different tables full of rich and important people sitting at them. Rhodey stood at the podium. “Tony Stark. Visionary. Genius. American patriot.” A voice-over relayed. 

“American? That sounds similar to where you said you were from, Quill. I wonder if they’re related.” Drax crunched on some more chips. Quill looked at him.

“That would make sense because they’re the same thing.”  

Loki rolled his eyes at the sheer stupidity. Tony looked at the ‘Guardians’. He never really paid that much attention when everyone introduced themselves.

“What’s up with the cosplay?” He looked Gamora up and down. He stopped. “Is that a Build-A-Bear...?” Said Build-A-Bear shot him a dirty look. Quill snorted.

“Build-A-Bear?” The raccoon looked down in confusion.

“Seriously though, what’s with the body paint?”

“Oh, it’s not body paint. They just look like that.” Quill laughed.

“I didn’t know humans come in green. Well, besides Banner of course.” Tony said sarcastically. Bruce held his head in his hands. Drax let out a full-bellied laugh at being called a human.

“They’re not human.” Strange filled in.

“I figured. Honestly, I don't know why I’m surprised.” Tony shrugged.

Thor regarded Gamora for a moment. “You’re from Zen-Whoberis, right?”

She looked down and shrugged. 

“I’ve heard what happened there. My condolences.” 

Loki gave him a look. “Have you gone blind? Read the room you fool.” Thor frowned.

“Now, now, boys. Behave yourselves. Let’s focus on the matter at hand.” Frigga patted her sons’ shoulders and pointed at the screen.

“Even from an early age, the son of legendary weapons developer Howard Stark quickly stole the spotlight with his brilliant and unique mind.” The scene panned to show Obidiah sitting at one of the tables. 

“That bastard.” Pepper seethed quietly. Tony, having been the only one without superpowers to hear her, looked at her in shock. His shocked face quickly turned into an impressed one.

“At age four, he built his first circuit board. At age six, his first engine. And at 17, he graduated summa cum laude from MIT.” It shows a few old pictures of Stark at various ages. 

“ Now I look really young, kid.” Stark looked towards Peter. Peter caught his eye and snickered behind his hand. “Are you laughing at me?” Stark gaped. 

“No?” Peter said through bouts of poorly disguised laughter.

“He’s totally laughing at you.” Natasha smiled.

“Look at him. That smug little face.” Howard laughed. 

“Stop laughing!” Stark yelled with a hint of amusement. 

“Okay, okay.” Peter’s laughing died down and he raised his hands in surrender before looking at Ned’s face and laughing even harder than ever before.

“Punks,” Tony smirked in defeat.

Then, the passing of a titan. It showed a news article written about the car crash that Howard and Maria supposedly ‘died’ in.

Bucky didn’t flinch at the reminder, but it was a near thing. He sank further in his seat. He did that. He did that. And there was nothing he could do to fix it or go back and change it.

Howard stared at the screen in shock. 

“Oh, Howard…” Peggy put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

“I was in the car just a few moments ago. Maria was right with me.” Howard got up from his seat and turned to look his son in the face. “I never… You never…?”

“I grew up alone.” Tony’s eyes met Howard’s. A tint of resentment leaked into them before dying out like a small flame. “There were many things I wish I could have said that day.”

Howard looked down and sat in his chair. You could always say them now. Were the words that never left his mouth.

Howard Stark's lifelong friend and ally, Obidiah Stane, steps in to help fill the gap left by the legendary founder, until, at age 21, the prodigal son returns and is appointed the new CEO of Stark Industries. With the keys to the kingdom, Tony ushers in a new era for his father's legacy, creating smarter weapons, advanced robotics, satellite targeting. Today, Tony Stark has changed the face of the weapons industry by ensuring freedom and protecting America and her interests around the globe.” 

Howard smiled at how much his son had grown and accomplished over the years. He always knew that Tony would become the best and brightest of them all. He is by no means perfect, but he would always be Howards greatest creation. 

Rhodey stands at the podium. 

“Is that… Rhodes?” Howard squinted at the screen.

“Yeah, I look a little different. It was eight years ago for me, however.” Rhodey shrugged. 

“As liaison to Stark Industries, I've had the unique privilege of serving with a real patriot. He is my friend and he is my great mentor. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present this year's Apogee Award to Mr. Tony Stark. Tony?”

“He isn’t there is he?” Howard didn’t even have to look at Rhodes to know the answer to his question.

Obadiah Stane walked up to the podium. “Thank you, Colonel.”

“Who is that?” Ned asked.

“That’s Obadiah Stane. He disappeared under mysterious circumstances.” MJ looked up from her book to add. 

“Why do old men always look so creepy?” Yelena felt a shiver run up her spine.

James Rhodes: “Thanks for the save.”

Obadiah Stane: This is beautiful. Thank you. Thank you all very much. This is wonderful. Well, I'm not Tony Stark. But if I were Tony, I would tell you how honored I feel and what a joy it is to receive this very prestigious award. Tony, you know...The best thing about Tony is also the worst thing. He's always working.

Tony Stark: Work it! Come on! We should just stay till the morning.

“Of course.” Steve shook his head. 

Pepper rolled her eyes at his antics. It wasn’t anything new for Tony, especially back then, but she couldn’t help but feel dumbfounded that he completely skipped something that important.

Nat smirked at the unsurprising scene. What else to expect from Stark?

James Rhodes: You are unbelievable.

Most of the audience laughed at Rhodes’ face.

Tony Stark: Oh, no! Did they rope you into this?

James Rhodes: Nobody roped me into anything!

Tony Stark: I'm so sorry.

James Rhodes: But they told me that if I presented you with an award, you'd be deeply honored.

Tony Stark: Of course I'd be deeply honored. And it's you, that's great. So, when do we do it?

James Rhodes: It's right here. Here you go.

Tony Stark: There it is. That was easy. I'm so sorry.

“No you’re not.” Rhodey remarked.

“How many times, Rhodey bear? I am genuinely sorry.” Tony put a hand over his heart.

“Yeah, sure.” He rolled his eyes.

James Rhodes: Yeah, it's okay.

Tony Stark: “Wow! Would you look at that? That's something else.” He hands it off to a nearby girl not looking too excited to receive such an award. “I don't have any of those floating around. Uh, we're gonna let it ride! Give me a hand, will you? Give me a little something-something.” The woman blows on his dice. “Okay, you, too.” Tony holds the dice out to Rhodes.

James Rhodes: I don't blow on a man's dice.

“What’s blowing on it gonna do?” Rocket asked.

“I think it’s supposed to be for luck. I don’t know, I don’t gamble.” Scott answered.

“Ah yes, because air from my lungs is gonna make you lucky. I swear, that’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.” Rocket cackled.

“Well, when you say it like that…” Yelena smiled.

Tony Stark: Come on, honey bear.

James Rhodes: “I don't blow on a man's dice.” Rhodes knocks Tony's hand away causing the dice to roll.

Tony Stark: There it is. Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes rolls! And...

Dealer: Two craps. Line away.

James Rhodes: That's what happens.

Tony Stark: “Worse things have happened. I think we're gonna be fine. Color me up, will ya?” Tony, Rhodes, and Happy leave the casino.

James Rhodes: This is where I exit.

Tony Stark: All right.

James Rhodes: Tomorrow, don't be late.

Tony Stark: Yeah, you can count on it.

James Rhodes: I'm serious!

Tony Stark: “I know, I know.” Tony hands over his award to Caesar. Once Rhodes had left. “Render unto Caesar, that which is Caesar's. There you go.”

“What? Tony!” Pepper stared in disbelief at him. She rounded on Happy next. “And you! You just watched him do that?”

Happy held his hands up in surrender. “He’s my boss, not the other way around.” 

“Did you seriously give an award to some cosplayer outside of a casino?” Peter laughed. Many people turned to look at Tony.

He scrambled to defend himself. “What am I gonna do with something like that? It’s just gonna sit on a shelf and look nice.”

“He has a point.” Nebula pointed out.

“But a trophy presenting triumph should always be honored!” Thor argued.

Christine Everhart: Mr. Stark! Excuse me, Mr. Stark! Christine Everhart, Vanity Fair magazine. Can I ask you a couple of questions?

Happy Hogan: [whispering to Tony] She's cute.

Tony Stark: She's all right? [Turns to face Christine.] Hi.

Christine Everhart: Hi.

“Tony.” Natasha sighed.

“Seriously, Tony?” Cap rounded on him. “Are you kidding me?”

Tony just shrugged. “I have no excuse. I was an asshole.” 

“Still are.” Hank glared.

“Watch your mouth, Pym.” Howard warned. 

“Who are you again?” Tony shot him a look. Pepper tapped his shoulder and leaned into his ear.

“That is Dr. Hank Pym. One of our competitors.” She whispered.

“Oh. Anyway- That’s just how I was back then and I can’t change what I’ve already done but I can change what I do now.” Tony just hung his head.

Banner gave him a long look before nodding slightly. “That’s very responsible of you in my opinion.”

Chapter Text

Tony Stark: Yeah. Okay--

Christine Everhart: It's okay?

Tony Stark: Go.

Christine Everhart: You've been called the da Vinci of our time. What do you say to that?

Tony Stark: Absolutely ridiculous. I don't paint.

Shuri snorted.

“Who is Da Vinci? What a stupid ass name.” Rocket said. 

Quill made a face and moved to respond. “He’s supposedly the greatest painter of some sort of renaissance. I don’t know. I learned about it a long time ago.”

Parker swiveled his head around to look at them. “He’s not just a painter!” He shouted over the theater for them to hear. A few shushed the kid.

Christine Everhart: And what do you say to your other nickname? "The Merchant of Death"?

“That’s actually a pretty badass name,” Quill admitted.

Gamora shot him a look.

Tony cringed at the name he once took pride in while Howard looked mildly impressed. 

Tony Stark: That's not bad. Let me guess. Berkeley?

Christine Everhart: Brown, actually.

Tony Stark: Well, Ms. Brown. It's an imperfect world, but it's the only one we've got. I guarantee you, the day weapons are no longer needed to keep the peace, I'll start making bricks and beams for baby hospitals.

Christine Everhart: You rehearse that much?

Tony Stark: Every night in front of the mirror before bedtime.

Christine Everhart: I can see that.

Tony Stark: I'd like to show you first-hand.

“Damn, that was smooth.” Quill whistled.

Christine Everhart: All I want is a serious answer.

Tony Stark: Okay, here's serious. My old man had a philosophy, "Peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy."

“Damn right.” Howard preened. “As long as we can prepare for anything. Nobody would ever even want to go up against us.”

“You’d be wrong.” Wanda droned. Her hand propped up her head on the armrest of her chair.

“I would have to wholeheartedly disagree, Mr. Howard. Peace is coming together to make each other stronger and help out those who need a hand.” T’Challa sighed.

Christine Everhart: That's a great line coming from the guy selling the sticks.

Tony Stark: My father helped defeat the Nazis. He worked on the Manhattan Project. A lot of people, including your professors at Brown, would call that being a hero.

Quill turned around and sent Howard an impressed look. “You helped defeat Nazis?”

“Yeah. With Steve and Peggy over here as well.” Howard jabbed a thumb over to them. “Oh. And also Barnes.” 

Barnes looked up once he heard his name. He had been paying attention of course, old habits never die, but he had been tracing the sewing lines in his clothing idly as he sat in his seat.

“What are Nazis?” Gamora asked. 

“I am Groot?” 

Quill explained the topic to the group as quickly as he could before the scene ended.

Christine Everhart: And a lot of people would also call that war profiteering.

Tony Stark: Tell me, do you plan to report on the millions we've saved by advancing medical technology or kept from starvation with our intelli-crops? All those breakthroughs, military funding, honey.

Christine Everhart: You ever lose an hour of sleep your whole life?

Tony Stark: I'd be prepared to lose a few with you.

Pepper and Natasha both performed in a wonderfully done synchronized eye roll along with almost every female in the theater.

The scene switches to them making out on his bed in Malibu, California before rolling off of the bed.

Peter slapped his hands over his eyes as Ned and MJ looked away. Shuri’s eyes were covered by T’challa’s.

“Please tell me we’re not gonna see the whole scene.” Captain Marvel sighed. 

Tony cackled in the midst of the theater’s scramble to block their eyes or ears in case the scene showed everything.

Deadpool popped back on the intercom. “Don’t worry! No R rated footage will be played. The writer told me she didn’t want to change the ratings.” He didn’t sound as chipper as before, in fact he sounded a little bummed out. As if his warning made him miss out on something he really wanted to see. 

The scene changed again to Christine laying on the bed alone, covered in the bed sheets. She startled awake when Jarvis started talking.

JARVIS: Good morning. It's 7:00 a.m. The weather in Malibu is 72 degrees with scattered clouds. The surf conditions are fair with waist-to-shoulder high lines. High tide will be at 10:52 a.m.

“You got some fancy schmancy AI, huh?” Rocket stoke up. Without even waiting on an answer he just nodded. “Nice.” 

“He sounds so professional.” Mantis smiled. 

“So you’ve developed AI… not bad.” Howard fought to keep a smile off his face.

“I’ve never even thought of something quite like that. What more can he do?” Peggy looked over to Tony.

“He can do a lot. He mainly runs security and helps me with my projects. Also provides snarky commentary but what can you do?” Tony shrugged.

“It’s a little weird to see Vision like this.” Wanda muttered.

Peter nodded minutely even though the witch couldn’t see him. 

Christine Everhart: [Walking around Tony's mansion.] Tony? Hey, Tony? [Tries to play with the controls on the wall. It beeps at her.]

JARVIS: You are not authorized to access this area.

Christine Everhart: Jesus.

Pepper Potts: That's JARVIS. He runs the house. I've got your clothes here. They've been dry-cleaned and pressed, and there's a car waiting for you outside that will take you anywhere you'd like to go.

“And here enters the lovely Ms. Potts.” Tony stood up and dramatically gestured to his girlfriend who shook her head and pulled him back in his seat.

Christine Everhart: You must be the famous Pepper Potts.

Pepper Potts: Indeed I am.

Christine Everhart: After all these years, Tony still has you picking up the dry-cleaning.

A childish ‘Ooh~’ sounded out through the theater with Deadpool at the lead.

Tony whipped his head around to his girlfriend then back at the screen. He scoffed at Everhart’s words. 

“The audacity that woman has.” Shuri shook her head.

“Now everyone knows who Virginia Potts is and I’ve never even heard of Christine Everhart till today.” MJ muttered.

Pepper Potts: I do anything and everything that Mr. Stark requires, including, occasionally, taking out the trash. Will that be all?

“My translation from Pepper’s professionalism says: Fuck off there’s the door.” Clint laughed.

[Tony working on a car in his workshop]

Tony Stark: Give me an exploded view.

JARVIS: The compression in cylinder three appears to be low.

Tony Stark: Log that.

“The brain cells I could have saved if I had that.” Quill said.

“You didn’t have much to begin with.” Rocket quipped. 

Quill leveled him with a glare. “Dude.”

“I am Groot!” Groot jumped off Gamora's hand and landed a soft kick to the back of Rocket's head. 

“Hey! I am being nice!” 

“How is calling Quill an idiot being nice?” Gamora raised an eyebrow.

“What’s the big deal with being nice? It's true.” Strax shrugged. 

Chapter Text

Pepper Potts: [Coming in on her phone.] I'm gonna try again, right now.

A song played throughout the lab that Pepper turned down as she entered.

Tony Stark: Please don't turn down my music.

“If you can even call it that,” Rocket muttered. 

“Hate to break it to you man, but that is not music.” Quill laughed.

“That’s ranting over music in the background.” Pym agreed.

Tony crossed his arms and sunk into his seat. “You just don’t understand the genius behind classics.”

Pepper Potts: I'll keep you posted. [Getting off the phone.] You are supposed to be halfway around the world right now.

Tony Stark: How'd she take it?

Pepper Potts: Like a champ.

Tony Stark: Why are you trying to hustle me out of here?

Pepper Potts: Your flight was scheduled to leave an hour and a half ago. 

Tony Stark: That's funny, I thought with it being my plane and all, that it would just wait for me to get there.

Rhody moved around in his chair just so he could give Tony a glare. Tony gave a long-suffering sigh. “You know I’m just trying to enjoy a movie about my own life and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. Can you believe this Ms. Potts?”

She closed her eyes for a few moments. “No comment.”

“So that’s how it’s going to be?” Tony looked at her.

She nodded. “That’s how it will remain until you stop pulling this.” She gestured at the screen.

Pepper Potts: Tony, I need to speak to you about a couple things before I get you out of the door.

Tony Stark: I mean, doesn't it kind of defeat the whole purpose of having your own plane if it departs before you arrive?

“Yeah, I mean it’s not like it’s going anywhere without him,” Yelena remarked.

Pepper Potts: Larry called. He's got another buyer for the Jackson Pollock in the wings. Do you want it? Yes or no.

Tony Stark: Is it a good representation of his spring period?

MJ facepalmed and Peter looked at her confused.

Pepper Potts: Um, no. The Springs was actually the neighborhood in East Hampton where he lived and worked–

Tony Stark: So?

Pepper Potts: --not "spring" like the season. I think it's a fair example. Um... I think it's incredibly overpriced.

Tony Stark: I need it. Buy it. Store it.

“Is this what rich people do? They just buy things for the hell of it just to own them?” Scott questioned.

“Not me.” Pym leaned back in his chair. Hope shot him a confused look. Hank noticed her look and turned to face her. “What?”

She held her hands up in surrender and looked away. Hank frowned.

Pepper Potts: Okay. The MIT commencement speech…

Tony Stark: Is in June. Please, don't harangue me about stuff that's way, way, down…

Pepper Potts: Well, they're haranguing me, so I'm gonna say yes.

Tony Stark: Deflect it and absorb it. Don't transmit it back to me.

Pepper Potts: I need you to sign this before you get on the plane.

Tony Stark: What are you trying to get rid of me for? What, you got plans?

Pepper Potts: As a matter of fact, I do.

Tony Stark: I don't like it when you have plans.

Pepper Potts: I'm allowed to have plans on my birthday.

Tony Stark: It's your birthday?

“You don’t even know your own girlfriend’s birthday?” Shuri gaped.

Multiple people turned to stare at Tony. Tony met everyone's gaze with merely a shrug. “She wasn’t my girlfriend back then.: He defended. “But I really should have that memorized seeing as she had been my assistant for years prior.” He corrected when Pepper turned to give a glare of her own.

Pepper Potts: Yes.

Tony Stark: I knew that. Already?

Pepper Potts: Yeah. Isn't that strange? It's the same day as last year.

Tony Stark: Well, get yourself something nice from me.

“Seriously?” Yelena remarked.

Pepper Potts: I already did.

Tony Stark: And?

Pepper Potts: Oh, it was very nice.

Tony Stark: Yeah.

Pepper Potts: Very tasteful. Thank you, Mr. Stark.

Tony Stark: You're welcome, Miss Potts... Okay.

[Happy and Tony racing to the airport and arriving.]

Tony Stark: You're good. I thought I lost you back there.

Happy: You did, sir. [Grabbing Tony's things from the trunk.] I had to cut across Mulholland.

Tony Stark: I got you. I got you.

“What even was the point of arriving in different cars? Did you two do that just to race each other?” Natasha smirked.

“Uh… Not exactly.” Tony admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

Happy, looking actually happy for one, straightened in his seat with a smile. “That was all because someone decided to ditch their trusty, loyal bodyguard with all his luggage to race to the airport after he bet that he could beat me.”

Peter looked on in slight horror at Happy’s expression. “I’ve never seen him smile in my life. ” He whispered to Ned.

“I kinda hope he doesn’t do it again,” Ned whispered back.

That’s when Happy seemed to catch onto their staring and shifted his gaze to the two teenagers. Said teenagers startled and rushed to turn back around in their seats to face the screen leaving Hogan extremely confused, his smile dropping from his face. “What?” He asked the room receiving no answer.

James Rhodes: What's wrong with you? [Standing at the jet doorway.]

Tony Stark: What?

James Rhodes: Three hours.

Tony Stark: I got caught doing a piece for Vanity Fair.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Tones. That’s what you meant?” Rhody glared at him once again. 

“I thought you said you weren’t upset about it anymore?” Tony defended.

Rhodes continued clearly still upset. “A piece for Vanity Fair- You know what? No. Conversation over.” He didn’t look seriously angry, however, so Tony could relax in his seat knowing he wouldn’t be viciously murdered by his best friend in the next hour.

James Rhodes: For three hours. For three hours you got me standing here.

Tony Stark: Waiting on you now. Let's go. Come on. Wheels up! Rock and roll!

[inside the jet.]

Tony Stark: What you reading, platypus?

James Rhodes: Nothing.

Tony Stark: Come on, sour patch.

James Rhodes: I'm not sour.

Tony Stark: Don't be mad.

James Rhodes: I told you, I'm not mad. I'm indifferent, okay?

“Clearly not.” Clint laughed.

Tony Stark: I said I was sorry.

Flight Attendant #1: Good morning, Mr. Stark.

James Rhodes: You don't need to apologize to me.

Tony Stark: I told you I was sorry.

James Rhodes: I'm your man.

Tony Stark: Hi. I told him I was sorry, but he…

“Don’t bring the flight attendant into your squabbling. Goodness knows you don’t pay her enough for it.” Howard pinched the bridge of his nose.

James Rhodes: I'm just indifferent right now.

Flight Attendant #1: Hot towel?

James Rhodes: You don't respect yourself, so I know you don't respect me.

Tony Stark: I respect you.

James Rhodes: I'm just your babysitter. So, when you need your diaper changed... [grabs 

a hot towel] Thank you. Let me know and I'll get you a bottle, okay?

Shuri let out a harsh bark of laughter. “The true hero behind Iron Man, James Rhodes, everybody!” A few laughed along with her in the theater.

Tony Stark: Hey! Heat up the sake, will you? Thanks for reminding me.

James Rhodes: No, I'm not talking... We're not drinking. We're working right now.

Tony Stark: You can't have sashimi without sake.

James Rhodes: You are constitutionally incapable of being responsible.

Howard huffed. “That’s putting it lightly.”

“You’re telling me.” Hank agreed.

Howard stiffened at glared at his coworker. “No, in fact, I was not. Don’t talk about my son like that.” Peggy placed a hand over his arm to hold him back and Hope mirrored the same action on her dad.

“Sit down, you old farts, and listen to the dang screen.” Rocket shouted over them earning the whole theater to shush him.

Tony Stark: It would be irresponsible not to drink. I'm just talking about a nightcap.

Flight Attendant #2: Hot sake?

Tony Stark: Yes, two, please.

James Rhodes: No. Just-- I'm not drinking. I don't want any.

[Rhodes and Tony drunk on the couch and the flight attendants dancing around them.]

It didn’t take long for the whole theater to laugh at the irony of the two scenes. Rhodes leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t have that much.”

“The bottle in your hand begs to differ.” Strange remarked.

James Rhodes: That's what I'm talking about. When I get up in the morning and I'm putting on my uniform, you know what I recognize? I see in that mirror that every person that's got this uniform on got my back!

Steve nodded knowingly.

Tony Stark: Hey, you know what? I'm not like you. I'm not cut out...

James Rhodes: No, no. You don't have to be like me! But you're more than what you are.

Tony Stark: Can you excuse me if I'm a bit distracted here?

“I’m a little distracted too so…” Quill smirked and laughed before he felt someone hit him in the head. He looked up and held a hand to the back of his head to scan the rest of the guardians, trying to find out who dealt the blow only to see a very angry Groot standing on the back of his chair. 

“I am Groot!” He yelled and used a vine to hit him in the face.

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry Gamora, my lovely girlfriend.” Quill rushed to apologize. Gamora didn’t acknowledge the apology with anything more than an eyebrow raise.

Valkyrie giggled and downed an entire bottle of alcohol and threw it behind her, not really caring for what it might hit. “I was staring too.” She admitted. No one knew where she even got alcohol.

James Rhodes: No! You can't be distracted right now! Listen to me!

[Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan.]

Tony Stark: General.

General: Welcome, Mr. Stark. We look forward to your weapons presentation.

Tony Stark: Thanks.

[Tony giving his presentation in the desert of Afghanistan.]

Tony Stark: Is it better to be feared or respected? 

“Respected,” T’Challa responded without even thinking twice. “ Always respected.”

Tony Stark: I say, is it too much to ask for both? With that in mind, I humbly present the crown jewel of Stark Industries' Freedom Line. It's the first missile system to incorporate our proprietary repulsor technology. They say the best weapon is one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it. That's how America does it. And it's worked out pretty well so far. 

Tony stared at his hands on his lap. He scoffed. And that weapon would have fallen into the wrong hands and been used for total destruction of innocents. Gulmira popped up in his mind and he lost himself in the memory of jumping in only to find the Jericho sitting right there in the dirt used by the wrong people. 

Find an excuse to let one of these off the chain, and I personally guarantee you the bad guys won't even want to come out of their caves. [The missiles get launched.] For your consideration, the Jericho. [The missiles explode]

Mantis clapped like an over-excited toddler. “Do it again! I love explosions.” She smiled brightly.

“You would not like it very much if that went off in your home.” Wanda seethed. Mantis’ smile dropped slowly and was replaced with a thoughtful frown.

Tony Stark: [Opening a cooler full of alcohol] I'll be throwing one of these in with every purchase of 500 million or more. To peace! [Tony's phone begins ringing.]

Obadiah Stane: [through the video chat] Tony.

Tony Stark: Obie, what are you doing up?

Obadiah Stane: I couldn't sleep till I found out how it went. How'd it go?

Tony Stark: It went great. Looks like it's gonna be an early Christmas.

Obadiah Stane: Hey! Way to go, my boy! I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?

Howard smiled. He’s glad that even if he couldn’t be there for his son, his friend was.

Tony Stark: Why aren't you wearing those pajamas I got you?

Obadiah Stane: Good night, Tony. [Tony hangs up the call as he enters the military vehicle.]

James Rhodes: Hey, Tony. [Coming up to the vehicle Tony's in.]

Tony Stark: I'm sorry, this is the "fun-vee." The "hum-drum-vee" is back there.

James Rhodes: Nice job.

Tony Stark: See you back at base.

“I should have gone with you.” Rhodes looked down with shame filling his eyes.

Tony sat up straight. “No, you shouldn’t have. You would have been gunned down like the others and don’t you even dare suggest otherwise. I’m glad that at the very least, you lived. -I wasn’t sure if you had during the months I stayed in captivity. Seeing you come to my rescue filled me with more relief than anything.” Tony stressed. Rhodes allowed himself to smile. Even in times like this, Tony was always able to cheer him up.

Chapter Text

"Oh, hello again," Deadpool chimed with a devilish grin, his eyes fixed on the screen. "Have you finally tumbled back into the wondrous world of Marvel, or gotten up off your lazy ass, dear author?” 

A pause lingered, met with a silence only Deadpool could fill. "Ah, I see, it's the allure of this sizzling squad of misfits that lured you back, isn't it? Just for the record, it's Wade Wilson, in case you've momentarily forgotten," he added with a theatrical wink, the lights in the room flickering mysteriously, and faint whispers rustling through the air. 

With a sly grin beneath his mask, Deadpool raised an imaginary eyebrow. “Now how about you focus more on writing these lovely reactions than on me in my lonesome up here in the projector room, huh?” 

“Dude,” Rocket began, shouting at the ceiling of the theater. "Who in the galaxy are you talking to, you lunatic?"

“Go on,” Deadpool made a shooing motion with his hand. “That’s your cue. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, reader. Buckle up.”

[Replay of the attack in the first scene mixed with Tony having surgery and screaming. Tony wakes up suddenly with a tube up his nose, laying on a cot in a cave. He rips out the tube and tries to pick up a cup on the table beside him, but fails. He notices a man shaving and tries to reach further but is stopped by wires.]

Peter's wide eyes remained fixed on the screen, his expression a mix of terror and disbelief, mirroring the rest of the stunned audience. That had been downright horrific. Peter doubted that he’ll ever get the screams of his mentor out of his head anytime soon.

"Tony," Steve whispered, his voice heavy with concern.

“I could be completely and utterly wrong, I’m not a doctor, but shouldn’t he have left that tube thing in?” Scott asked. 

“Take it from someone who is a doctor, yes he definitely should have.” Doctor Strange remarked.

Banner winced at the unsanitary surroundings. "How on Earth did you manage to avoid infection in a place that can't possibly be sterile?" It was taking all his will power to keep a tight lid on the Hulk. 

Yinsen: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

[Tony realizes that he's connected to a car battery. He rips off the bandages over his chest to see an electromagnet inside his chest]

Pepper gasped, her hands flying to her mouth in sheer horror. "Oh, God. What did they do to you?" she whispered, her eyes filled with anguish and concern.

Rocket couldn't help but wince at the sight of the electromagnet. "Dude," he muttered.

"I am Groot?" Groot uttered, clearly concerned and puzzled. Gamora swiftly scooped up the little tree-like creature and held him close, shielding him from the distressing scene unfolding on the screen.

[Yinsen and Tony sitting by a small fire. Yinsen is making food while Tony is using a mirror to look at his chest.]

Tony Stark: What the hell did you do to me?

Howard, his anger simmering, chimed in, "I would very much like to know as well."

“You didn’t always have that thing, Stark?” Thor asked, raising an eyebrow. Several people turned in their chairs to give Thor a variety of looks. Thor glanced over his shoulder, slightly puzzled. "What?"

Fury remained stoic in his seat, his hands clasped in front of his face, attentively absorbing every word spoken. Natasha couldn't contain her restlessness, fidgeting in her seat, while Clint provided her with a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Yinsen: What I did? What I did is to save your life. I removed all the shrapnel I could, but there's a lot left, and it's headed into your atrial septum. Here, want to see? [Pulls out a bottle of shrapnel.] I have a souvenir. Take a look. [Tosses the bottle to Tony] I've seen many wounds like that in my village. We call them the walking dead because it takes about a week for the barbs to reach the vital organs.

“Remind me never to visit this guy’s village,” Quill pointed at the screen with a huff.

Tony Stark: What is this?

Yinsen: That is an electromagnet, hooked up to a car battery, and it's keeping the shrapnel from entering your heart. Hmm?

Doctor Strange couldn't hide his revulsion, grimacing at the makeshift solution. "That's barbaric," he commented with clear disgust.

Rocket attempted to see the good side. "Well, it's resourceful, I suppose."

"Between that or being dead, I'd say it's a fair price to pay." His statement drew a collective glare from multiple Avengers. Loki, unsurprisingly, took notice of their disapproval and simply sighed. Their distrust was earned as much as it was dull.

Bucky simply stared at his glove, flexing the metal hand nervously.

Tony’s eyes are drawn to the ceiling where he notices there are cameras all over the cave. Yinsen told him to smile. The door made a loud noise before opening to reveal masked men shouting and holding guns.

“Shit.” Clint muttered.

Yinsen: Come on, stand up. Stand up! Just do as I do. Come on, put your hands up.

Tony Stark: Those are my guns. How did they get my guns?

“Yes, how did they manage to get their hands on that kind of stuff?” Howard huffed. 

“The number one thing that is guaranteed to be smuggled out and sold first is weapons.” Peggy. 

Yinsen: Do you understand me? Do as I do. [A man starts speaking in Arabic. Yinsen translates for him.] He says, "Welcome, Tony Stark, the most famous mass murderer "in the history of America." He is honored. He wants you to build the missile. The Jericho missile that you demonstrated. [Man hands Yinsen a picture of the Jericho missile.] This one.

Peter cradled his head, whispering, "No, no, no…" under his breath, his face twisted in distress.

"Is the taunting really necessary? He's already got the guy captured," Ned remarked, his expression a mix of frustration and discomfort as he watched the screen.

"It's just a classic bad guy speech," MJ shrugged, her eyes fixed on her lap.

"I forgot those kids were there," Tony mused, glancing at Pepper before turning his attention back to the screen. "Can someone sit with the fetuses and cover their eyes when I say so?" He appealed to the group sitting near him.

Pepper nodded, but she seemed reluctant to leave him. Seeing her hesitation, Tony shifted his gaze towards Rhodey. "Please. I don't know how graphic this will get, but there might be some disturbing scenes," Tony implored. With a sigh, Rhodey agreed and stood up, moving to sit behind the teenagers. T'Challa noticed the seat change and joined his sister, offering her some comfort.

Tony Stark: I refuse. [Tony then is shown with his head in a large thing of water. Flashes of himself and the electromagnet in his chest are shown.]

With a speed Tony didn’t know Rhodes had possessed, he two hands over Ned and Peter’s eyes. Fortunately, T'Challa appeared to have grasped the situation in hand, ensuring his sister wouldn't peek as she protested that she wasn't a child anymore. 

When it came to the remaining teenager, Rhodey directed a stern glare at MJ. "I can trust you not to get curious and look, right?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow.

MJ had already averted her gaze, flinching at the loud noises emanating from the screen. She nodded in agreement, and Rhodey sighed with relief. Meanwhile, Ned seemed unaware of why his vision was blocked, too focused on the fact that an Avenger's hand was over his eyes. On the other hand, Peter trembled like a leaf but made no move to remove the hand. Rhodey was grateful that Peter didn't use his superhuman strength to push him away and allowed the hand to stay over his eyes in silence.

Howard stared in sheer horror at the screen and spun around in his seat, his eyes never leaving his son. He was determined to keep Tony in his line of sight, no matter what.

As for Tony, he attempted to concentrate on consoling Pepper, but he suddenly found it difficult to breathe. His airways felt constricted, and he couldn't tell if it was due to Pepper's tight grip on him or if something else was causing this sensation, but breathing had suddenly become a hard task.

Pepper Potts: Tony! [As a voice in his head as he tries not to drown.]

[The men pull him out, put a bag over his head, and escort him out of the cave. Tony sees a lot of men, tents, and his guns. The same man speaking Arabic before speaks again.]

Pepper let out a broken sob and wrapped her arms around Tony whispering placatives.

“Anyone else up for a mission after this if these thugs don’t get their comeuppance?” Belenova glared at the screen.

“I’d be up for that.” Natasha shrugged in agreement. “How about you, Rogers?” 

Steve’s jaw was tense at the scene they just saw and simply nodded once. 

“Think the Hulk would be up for that?” Natasha turned her gaze to Banner who was silently staring at the screen.

“I wouldn’t even need to change a shade.” He muttered.

Several people looked at him in alarm.

“I think that is the coolest thing you have ever said.” Scott remarked.

Yinsen: He says they have everything you need to build the Jericho missile. He wants you to make the list of materials. [Man speaks Arabic again] He says for you to start working immediately, and when you're done, he will set you free.

“No he won’t.” Bucky said.

Tony Stark: No, he won't. [Shaking the Arabic man's hand.]

Yinsen: No, he won't.

“At least they’re on the same page.” Loki remarked. Mobius shrugged and nodded. 

Yinsen: [Tony sitting around a small fire in the cave with Tony] I'm sure they're looking for you, Stark. But they will never find you in these mountains. Look, what you just saw, that is your legacy, Stark. Your life's work, in the hands of those murderers. Is that how you want to go out? Is this the last act of defiance of the great Tony Stark? Or are you going to do something about it?

“You better.” Hank said.

“I thought you didn’t like Stark?” Scott asked.

“I don’t, but when someone steals your technology and abuses it, you need to take a stand and fight back. If he didn’t…” Hank trailed off shaking his head. “It would just give a bad name to other weapons manufacturers.” 

Scott and Hope exchange a glance, knowing that it was more complicated than that.

Tony Stark: Why should I do anything? They're going to kill me, you, either way. And if they don't, I'll probably be dead in a week.

Hearing that physically broke Pepper’s heart. A few others in the room shifted uncomfortably. Having felt the same in their lives before.

Tony Stark: [Directing the men to where to put things while Yinsen’s translating. The scene then shifts to Yinsen and Tony start taking apart the weapons.] How many languages do you speak?

Yinsen: A lot. But apparently, not enough for this place. They speak Arabic, Urdu, Dari, Pashto, Mongolian, Farsi, Russian.

Scott whistled appreciatively. “I can barely wrap my head around one language. I don’t know how you guys do it.”

Natasha shrugged casually. “Once you understand a root language, it’s easy to decipher the rest.”

Bucky chimed in, nodding in agreement. “The more languages you learn, the easier it becomes to pick up new ones.”

Natasha snapped her fingers and playfully pointed at Bucky with a sly smile. “See, he knows what I'm talking about. Where did you find this guy, Steve?”

“Grew up with him.” Steve answered before turning to Bucky. “I didn’t know you knew other languages.” He remarked. 

Bucky flexed his metal hand, drawing Steve's attention, and replied, “There's a lot about me you don't know.” He averted his gaze. Steve squinted at his childhood friend and scanned him up and down.

Tony Stark: Who are these people?

Yinsen: They are your loyal customers, sir. They call themselves the Ten Rings. [The men of the Ten Rings are shown watching Tony and Yinsen work on a TV.] You know, we might be more productive if you include me in the planning process.

Yelena scoffed. “That is not the Ten Rings.” Her words broke through Tony’s attempts to keep himself calm and he snapped his head over to the blonde woman. “Or, at least, the original Ten Rings,” She corrected. “They’re a whole lot worse.” 

Tony didn’t know what to say to that so he kept quiet and laid back in his chair.

Tony Stark: Uh-huh. [Tony pulls apart a missile.] Okay, we don't need this.

Yinsen: What is that?

Tony Stark: That's palladium, 0.15 grams. We need at least 1.6, so why don't you go break down the other 11?

“This guy is quickly becoming one of my favorites.” Ned remarked. 

Rhodey offered a word of caution, “Don’t get too attached.” Tony had never fully disclosed the events of the cave, which was becoming clearer as to why. Rhodey had a sinking suspicion that something even worse was about to happen.

Tony Stark: What do I call you?

Yinsen: My name is Yinsen.

Tony Stark: Yinsen. Nice to meet you.

Yinsen: Nice to meet you, too. [Tony puts together a device while Yinsen watches.] Whoa. That doesn't look like a Jericho missile.

Tony Stark: That's because it's a miniaturized arc reactor. I got a big one powering my factory at home. It should keep the shrapnel out of my heart.

“How the hell did you manage to make it so damn small?” Howard gaped at the screen.

Tony shrugged.

Yinsen: But what could it generate?

Tony Stark: If my math is right, and it always is, three gigajoules per second.

Yinsen: That could run your heart for 50 lifetimes.

Tony Stark: Yeah. Or something big for 15 minutes.

“Why does that feel foreboding for some reason?” Carol muttered to herself.

Deadpool shot a sly look at the imaginary camera and winked.

Tony Stark: [Looking at sheets of paper with Tony] This is our ticket out of here.

Yinsen: What is it?

Tony Stark: Flatten them out and look. [Yinsen flattens the sheets out to see a drawing of a metal suit.]

“So this is where the idea for the Iron Man suit came from…” Hank muttered to himself.

“That looks awesome!” Rocket gushed. He could imagine himself wearing a similar suit. Just with a lot bigger guns.

Tony Stark: You still haven't told me where you're from.

Yinsen: I'm from a small town called Gulmira. It's actually a nice place.

Tony Stark: Got a family?

Yinsen: Yes, and I will see them when I leave here. And you, Stark?

Tony Stark: No.

Yinsen: No? So you're a man who has everything and nothing.

[The men of the Ten Rings come to the door, armed. They open the hatch to see Tony and Yinsen working before turning around and leaving. Shows Tony welding metal together, while the Ten Rings watch the cameras and compare what he's creating with the Jericho picture.]

Sam winced. “Looks like they’re catching on.”

“It was only a matter of time.” Natasha shrugged. “These guys are stupid, but they are that dumb.”

[The head of the Ten Rings, Raza, watches Tony and Yinsen test out one of the legs of the suit. He and his men go visit Tony and Yinsen.]

“Ah, shit.” Quill scowled at the screen. “The jig is up. Is there any alcohol around?” The starship pilot scanned around.

“There is!” Deadpool chirped, suddenly appearing right behind Peter 2.0. Quill yelped in a very high-pitched sound. Something Rocket instantly teased him for. “Take a look over here at this kitchen slash bar area that totally existed the entire time and didn’t just materialize here because the author was lazy!” Deadpool said.

“Are there any zarg nuts?” Drax asked.