Chapter Text
Across London, Hermione Granger sat in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place eyeing the tiny form of Teddy Lupin where he laid asleep cradled in her arms. Harry had passed him to her the minute she'd arrived, only too pleased to put him down long enough to cook them both something decent to eat.
"Are you alright, Hermione?" Harry asked from across the kitchen where he was frying kippers.
"Huh?" Hermione asked, her head jerking up as she tried to focus on Harry, trying to remind herself that the tiny life festering in her womb would one day be as fragile and small as little Teddy Lupin. And just like Teddy, he would be born to a lycanthropic father.
"You've been staring at him like you're more than a little terrified, love," Harry told her, looking a little amused.
"I…" Hermione tried to speak, her voice getting stuck in her throat as it had done every time she'd tried to mention what she'd survived. "How do you do it? He's… so small."
Harry grinned.
'He's great, right?" Harry chuckled. "I love that kid."
"But… you're not even eighteen yet," she said. "Don't you want to… I don't know… find yourself without a baby in your life?"
Harry raised one eyebrow at her.
"Find myself how?" he asked seriously. "I did plenty of soul-searching while we were in that bloody tent, just you and me, Hermione. I know what I want out of life."
Hermione blinked at him.
"Really?" she asked.
Harry smiled. "Yeah."
"What is it?" she asked curiously, happy for the distraction from her own morbid thoughts. "What would Harry Potter like out of life?"
"I don't want to be an Auror," he told her seriously, flipping their kippers and dumping a clump of chipped potatoes into some oil he'd been boiling on the stove. "I'm done with being a savior to the wizarding world. I'm done with dodging spells flung by Death Eaters and Dark Lords and Snatchers. I just want to be normal, you know? I want to avoid the limelight, so the press will stop hassling me every time we go to the pub. I want to marry Ginny if she'll have me after what a twat I've been to her, and I want to raise that kid you're holding in a stable home environment. I want to teach him how to fly a broom and how to pull pranks and how to read and write and tie his shoes. Blimey, Hermione. I want to be a good godfather to him, and I want to be a dad. I want a family. I don't care about a fancy career or any more bloody fame. I just want a quiet life."
Hermione blinked, smiling at him gently.
"I'm sure Ginny will have you, Harry," she told him.
"And you?" he asked her.
"I won't have you," Hermione teased, grinning. "You're not really my type. A bit too wiry, you know?"
Harry laughed, rolling his eyes.
"What do you want to do, Hermione?" Harry asked, flipping the chips in their frying oil.
Hermione sighed, thinking again about the baby growing in her womb.
"Um… actually, I… well…" Hermione bit her lip, looking down at the tiny baby in her arms.
Harry set down his tongs and lowered the heat of the fish and chips before crossing the kitchen and squatting in front of her. He put his hands on her knees and Hermione tensed, reminding herself that this was Harry and that he would never hurt her.
"Hermione?" Harry asked very softly, and Hermione looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears.
He was frowning worriedly, his hands gentle on her knees.
"What's going on, love?" Harry asked. "You've been withdrawn and uncomfortable for weeks. You moved into that little cottage by yourself, and you broke up with Ron. What's happened?"
Tears trickled from her eyes to run down her cheeks.
"I… um…"
Harry waited, peering into her face earnestly.
"In the… Um…" Hermione stuttered, trying desperately to get the words out. "When I was…"
Hermione stopped, her breath labored as she tried to collect herself and Harry squeezed her knees encouragingly.
"You can tell me," he whispered. "It's me, love. You and I have been through hell and back together."
Hermione gulped, nodding as she reached out, passing Teddy toward Harry, hoping he would take the small boy from her arms before her hands could wake him with their trembling.
"In the forest," she whispered when Harry took Teddy from her arms and rose to his feet, carrying the baby across the kitchen and lowering him into the cot he'd set up there.
"What happened in the forest, Hermione?" Harry asked gently, turning back to her.
Hermione closed her eyes, her breath ragged, tears streaming down her face.
"I… when I was looking for survivors," Hermione whispered. "I… um… I found one. Or… well… he found me."
Harry took slow, measured steps as he crossed the kitchen once more, his frown intensifying.
"Who found you?" Harry whispered, spurring her on, prying the information out of her.
Hermione shook her head, pressing her fist to her mouth and trying to fight the urge she had to vomit.
"Who?" Harry urged, squatting in front of her once more and capturing her hands, pulling her hands gently away from her mouth and holding them reassuringly in his own large ones.
"Greyback," she gasped out finally, forcing the word between her teeth.
"Oh, Gods, Hermione," Harry breathed, his eyes widening behind his glasses in horror. "He didn't… gods, what did he do? Did he bite you? Merlin, it wasn't a full moon then, was it? Are you a werewolf, now? Is that why you broke up with Ron and bought that little cabin in the woods by yourself?"
"Worse," Hermione whispered. "He… he…"
She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to get a hold of herself, reminding herself that she was better than this; stronger than this.
"He what?" Harry asked, and Hermione could tell from the terrified tone in his voice that he knew. He didn't want to believe it, but he knew what Greyback had done to her.
"I'm pregnant, Harry," Hermione whispered, choking out the words that had been running through her head for weeks, ever since she'd found out.
Harry's hands tightened momentarily around hers before he went still, and she listened to the breaths he drew in, catching the way they sped up as his anger began to simmer.
"I'll kill him," Harry vowed. "He raped you? Fucking hell, Hermione! Are you alright? Merlin, look at you. Of course, you're not alright. Gods, what can I do? How can I help?
She shook her head, trying to calm herself, trying to get her emotions back under control. It was hard. These were the first tears she'd cried since it had happened.
"I… I don't know what to do, Harry," Hermione admitted softly, her voice hoarse.
"What do you mean? You don't know what to do about the baby?" he asked, and Hermione could tell he was trying to rein in his temper, knowing exploding would only make things worse.
"I went to St Mungo's today. I… I thought about having an abortion," she confessed. "He… threatened me. Said he'd be back for his pup. I was going to do it…. But the woman at the hospital was so bigoted. She tried to tell me I'd give birth to a wolf-pup and that the child would shred my womb and she… she called my baby an abomination, Harry. And I thought, yeah, Greyback's a monster, but this kid is half of me, too. And she called him an abomination, Harry."
Harry frowned into her face for a moment before gently pulling her to her feet and curling his arms around her. Cuddling her from the front, his presence so close to her was non-threatening and Hermione found herself sighing out a long, slow breath of relief before burrowing her nose against his neck and breathing in his familiar scent of treacle and broom polish. This was Harry. Her Harry. The boy she'd fought alongside in a war. The boy she'd shared a cramped tent with for months while they suffered in possession of a Horcrux. The boy who, on more than one occasion, she'd crawled into bed beside when it was cold, and she was scared, and the nightmares got the best of her.
He'd held her when she cried about Ron running away during the war, and he'd held her when she cried at Shell Cottage, recovering from the effects of the Cruciatus curse. He'd been the rock in her life for years and she realized as she burrowed into his supportive and warm embrace that she'd been a fool to keep all this from him for so long.
"I should've told you sooner," she said thickly through her tears. "I've been so scared, Harry."
Harry pressed a kiss to the top of her head, smoothing his hand in comforting circles over her back as he held her close.
"This is why you broke up with Ron," he said quietly.
"He won't understand," Hermione said. "He won't… I can't bear to have him or the Weasleys look at me with pity or horror, Harry. They won't understand if I decide to keep the baby. He couldn't understand why being touched scares me, now. He doesn't understand that when he yells at me, I'm frightened. He doesn't understand that when he comes up behind me, I'm right back there in the forest, my face grinding against the trunk of that tree and Greyback's claws shredding my jeans and my knickers…. He… Gods, Harry…. There was nothing I could do. I tried to hex him, and the spells just bounced right off. I tried to struggle – tried to kick him and clawed at him and hit him and he didn't even seem to feel it. He just… took what he wanted."
The words just kept spilling out as she stood there with her eyes clenched closed, burrowed into the only place in the world where she felt safe. Harry let her talk, holding her snugly, letting her get all the words out now that they were finally falling off her tongue.
"He hurt you, too?" Harry asked eventually. "Did he hit you? Bite you?"
"He did this," Hermione said, pulling out of Harry's arms and twisting.
She pulled aside the neckline of her jumper to reveal the bite he'd left on the top of her right shoulder.
"And I didn't realize until the medi-witch pointed it out today, but since he r-raped me, I've got this…" she twisted a little more, letting Harry see the crescent moon on the back of her neck.
"Bloody hell, Hermione," Harry murmured, making her jump and causing her skin to crawl uncomfortably when he traced the tip of his finger over the mark. "What is it? I know Tonks had one too… caught sight of it one night when I gave her a hug… probably the last time I saw her alive, now that I think about it. I saw it, but I never thought to ask what it was. I thought it was just a tattoo, but now you've got one too, and I know you're not a fan of tattoos."
Hermione nodded.
"I hadn't even noticed it until today. The medi-witch tried to tell me it was a claiming mark. That Greyback had marked me as his witch, and that if I didn't terminate the pregnancy, I'd never be able to have children with anyone other than him," Hermione said. "And it scared me, but I've never heard of anything like it or read anything about it and, Harry, she called my baby an abomination. What if everything she said was just flaming bigotry? What if it wasn't and I might be stuck carrying his spawn, alone? Worse… what will he do to me if I do try to terminate the pregnancy. He found my cottage. He was there today. Standing in the woods, watching me. I know he's been stalking me since that day in the forest."
"He's stalking you?" Harry said, holding up his hand to stop the torrent of words pouring out of her mouth, looking concerned.
Hermione blinked at him for a moment.
"Yes," she said. "He never approaches. But he's been there, watching. Hiding. Checking on me. I've seen him several times since that day in the woods…. Under a tree at the perimeter of the wards when we were living at the Burrow. At the edge of the forest up at Hogwarts in the days following the battle. I wouldn't be surprised if he followed me to the hospital today, and he was there at the edge of my wards in the woods behind my house today. It will only be a matter of time before he tries to penetrate them. He's a werewolf, after all. He can survive a direct hit from a Killing curse. He's already done it once when I threw one at him during the battle when he killed Lavender. It slowed him down and knocked him off his feet, but he's obviously still very much alive. If he can survive that, I doubt my wards will keep him out indefinitely."
"You think he'll attack you again?" Harry asked, looking horrified. "Bloody hell, Hermione. You can't go back to the little cabin by yourself if he can get across your wards."
"I can't lure him through the wards protecting anyone else, either!" Hermione argued. "Imagine if I lived here with you? The Fidelus charm might keep the location of this place a secret, but he's a werewolf, Harry. Witch magic doesn't have the same effect on him as it does on us. He'd be able to follow his nose to find me here, if necessary. Remus warned us of that very fact when we started noticing surveillance on this place, remember? He said that if a werewolf really wanted to get in, no wards or charms would keep him out for long. And if he came here, it wouldn't just be me who was in danger, but you and Teddy, too. What about Ron? I doubt the werewolf who is stalking me and who – according to the medi-witch – might very well have marked me as his mate, would take kindly to my paramour. Merlin, with how close you and I are, he might take issue with you, too."
"So, then the only answer is that you terminate his kid and he'll leave you be," Harry said, frowning and looking particularly worried.
"And what would prevent him from simply jumping me and raping me all over again, Harry? If he really means for me to be his mate and carry his 'pup', then there's really not that much I can do about it, short of fleeing the country or offing myself."
"Don't you dare!" Harry hissed, narrowing his eyes on the very suggestion. "Werewolves can be killed. That much is obvious since Remus is dead."
"Is he, though?" Hermione asked seriously, raising her eyebrows at Harry. "When I hit Greyback with that Killing curse it knocked him down and he looked like he was dead. And Remus's body disappeared following the battle. What if he's not dead? What if there really is no way to kill a werewolf? Remus confessed to me once shortly after Sirius's death that he'd tried to off himself multiple times following the death of your parents and Sirius being framed for their murder. He said he tried magical and muggle means – everything from shooting himself in the head to overdosing on every known toxic substance in the magical and muggle world. He said he tried using the Killing Curse on himself and eventually he just gave up trying to off himself when he failed so many times that failing started to amuse him."
Harry frowned, obviously not having known that about Remus.
"You really think he's alive?" Harry asked in a whisper, darting a look at the baby in the corner when Teddy began to fuss thanks to the sound of their raised voices.
Hermione didn't exactly blame him for focusing on that, despite her own dilemma.
"I wouldn't be surprised," Hermione said.
"But… what about Teddy?" Harry asked. "If he is… where is he? Why hasn't he come back for Teddy?"
Hermione felt a well of pity open up inside her when she saw how vulnerable Harry suddenly looked.
"Harry, you saw how terrified Remus was when he confessed that Tonks was pregnant. You saw how badly he wanted to run away, terrified of what it would do to the boy to be raised by a lycanthropic father. With Tonks dead, and Remus presumed dead, too, I wouldn't put it past him to abandon the child. He knows you'll raise him like your own and he probably believes Teddy would be better off without him since he's always viewed his curse as exactly that. A shameful, horrifying curse. He thinks he's a monster. He couldn't bear knowing that people loved him, despite his lycanthropy. Would you want to inflict the type of father on your son if you thought yourself a contagious, dangerous monster to be shunned at every turn? He spent his life with few friends, no money, bouncing from job to job because he couldn't hold one for long when people figured out his condition, and literally ripped himself apart once a month to turn into a slavering monster that hunted you and me down in the forest and attacked anything that moved. Remus hates himself, Harry. He wouldn't want to inflict such a person on such a child, and no amount of you or I insisting that he was wonderful would've changed his mind before he disappeared."
Harry was staring at her, looking both horrified, resigned, and determined all at once.
"We have to find him," Harry said quietly. "We have to, Hermione. If Remus is alive, I need to know, and I need him to come back and be a bloody father to that kid. I love the little blighter with all I've bloody got, but for fuck's sake, I know what it's like to grow up without parents and I won't let any kid be raised thinking he's an orphan if he's not. I'm angry enough at Remus for leaving me with the Dursleys all those years, even knowing that he was the second choice for my godfather after Sirius. H should've been there for me, and if I have to drag him back here by the fucking tail to be here for Teddy, I'll bloody do it! I know you're in a bad way and that the last thing you need is to worry about helping me find a werewolf who might very well be dead… but if you go home you risk running into Greyback, right?"
"Actually, Harry," Hermione said quietly, watching the wizard go over to the crib and scoop up the grizzling infant, a thought flitting into her head. "If Remus is alive, and he ran for it during or after the battle, he'd likely have hidden in the forest for a bit, right? And I'll bet that if he did, Greyback probably knows about it."
Harry frowned at her.
"You're not thinking of asking him, Hermione?" Harry asked, looking horrified when he realized what she was implying.
"I… if I really am tied to him, and he really is just going to keep hanging around, potentially impregnating me again if I terminate, or trying to hurt me or stop me if I try to have an abortion… I suppose I'm going to have to face him and figure out what he wants, Harry. My wards won't keep him out forever, and I don't want to die."
"Hermione, he's Fenrir fucking Greyback. He's a murderer. A cannibal, probably. He's a monster who infected Remus when he was just a five-year-old boy. He's infected countless others with lycanthropy, dooming them to his curse. Remus believed it was Greyback's intent to infect so many people as to overrun the wizarding population to force the wizarding world to stop treating werewolves like half-breeds. He raped you, Hermione! And you want to just… ask him if he's seen Remus around lately?"
"What choice do we have, Harry? I hate him for what he did to me and I hate the way my skin prickles knowing he's around, always lurking and watching and stalking me. I hate feeling like a victim… feeling vulnerable. And anyway, I think that if he planned to hurt me, he'd have done so, by now."
"He raped you!" Harry hissed as though she needed the reminder.
"And has been stalking me since. He hasn't touched me. He… Gods, when he… in the forest… he was… almost frantic. Like he… couldn't help himself. But he… I mean, yes, he pinned me to that tree and he shredded my clothes and he forced himself on me despite how dry and terrified I was, which meant it hurt but he… Harry, he's Fenrir Greyback. He could've savaged me. He could've tried to eat me. He could've used his claws to rip my stomach open, or to slash my flesh apart. He could've bitten me so badly I wouldn't ever recover. He could've hit me or kicked me or hurt me so much worse than he did. He took away my right to choose, and he overpowered me and ignored my protests, and went against my will, but he wasn't… cruel. He was… efficient. Like he had a job to do and he did… actually, he was like… well, like a wolf, I suppose. Like any beast in the wild coming across a female in heat, he saw his chance to further the species and he couldn't deny it."
"He bit you!" Harry argued, pointing to her shoulder where she carried the scar from his fangs.
"I think he did that to hold me still when I kept wriggling," Hermione said, frowning, never having looked at it from this perspective. She'd been so caught up in the horror of feeling like a victim and in her impotent rage at having been able to do nothing to fight him off, but now that she was talking about it and thinking about it, she couldn't help but begin removing herself from the emotion of it all and looking at it logically.
"In the wild real wolves often bite the female on the back of the neck – on the ruff – to hold them still while they mate. And while everything we've been led to believe about him through the media and the stories suggests he's a lawless, cannibalistic monster, maybe they're wrong."
"You're… feeling sorry for the guy, now?" Harry asked, looking confused and angry.
"I don't feel sorry for him," Hermione held up her hand. "But if all a person knew of you or I was based on stories from others and the things published in the media, you would be a mentally unhinged drama-queen with a hero-complex, paranoia, and an ability to slay Dark Lords. If all people knew of me came from the papers, I'm nothing but a gold-digging, jumped-up little mudblood who's too smart for her own good and flings herself at famous young men for the prestige of being seen dating them. And since none of those things are true about either of us, maybe everything we've heard about Greyback is wrong, too."
"Hermione you saw him when he caught us alongside Scabior and dragged us all to Malfoy Manor," Harry said. "He was feral. Crude. Cruel. He told you then that he was going to enjoy having your writhe under him. He threatened to eat you."
Hermione frowned a little.
"He also interceded when Bellatrix planned to torture me and to hand us all over to Voldemort," Hermione said. "He tried to stop her."
"So he could keep you for himself," Harry argued.
"Look, Harry, I'm not saying I'm about to invite him into my house or crook my finger at him and have him join me in bed. I think I'd vomit if I got within three feet of him again. But what if what he did to me was born, not of malicious intent or a need to control or dominate me, but just a biological urge to mate with a female in estrus. It's clear that I was ovulating at the time since I'm now pregnant. What if he really is just more animal than man and acted as any animal would do? More importantly, what if he does know something about Remus, Harry?"
Harry looked stricken and Hermione stared back at him, reaching out and taking Teddy from his arms when he looked like he was going to lose his temper or maybe even like he might break down and cry.
"Hermione…" Harry began, frowning at her and watching her tuck the whinging baby into the crook of her arm. "He… I can't just… ask you to speak civilly with him after what he did to you?"
"Then you speak to him," Hermione said. "I have a fairly good idea of where he'll be, after all. You ask him if he knows anything about Remus and whether or not he's alive."
"And then I'll kill him for laying a paw on you," Harry muttered, looking suddenly like the idea appealed to him.
Right at that moment, the front door of Grimmauld Place opened, and Hermione tensed, backing slowly toward the corner of the room like a frightened animal. Harry pulled his wand, placing himself between the intruder and Hermione while she clutched Teddy protectively. Harry lowered his wand just as quickly when Andromeda Tonks strolled into the room unwinding her scarf from around her neck.
"Harry? Hermione?" Andromeda asked. "Everything alright, my loves?"
Harry sighed, nodding his head slowly.
"Hi, Andie," he said sheepishly.
Andromeda looked over the two of them and Hermione could tell that the witch knew something was wrong.
"Your dinner is burning," Andie commented, and Harry looked toward the kippers and chips on the stove, uttering an expletive when he realized the woman was right.
"Ah, bugger," Harry muttered, hurrying over and turning the stove off. "Sorry about dinner, Hermione."
Andromeda eyed the two of them looking like she wanted to ask questions and to figure out why they'd burned dinner and why they were both so jumpy.
"It's fine," Hermione said. "Why don't we just order some take-out from down the road and have that?"
Harry nodded. "Do you want to come for a walk to order it?" he asked.
Hermione nodded.
"Andie, will you be alright watching Teddy for a few minutes?" she asked of the boy's grandmother.
"Of course I will, love," Andromeda smiled, still looking confused and concerned.
"You want anything from the fish and chip place, Andie?" Harry asked.
"Maybe some potato scallops?" Andie suggested, smiling.
Harry nodded.
"We'll be back in a bit then, yeah?"
Hermione and Harry left the house, Harry tucking Hermione's arm through his elbow for the stroll down the street and around the corner.
"I don't think you should go home tonight, Hermione," Harry said.
Hermione sighed.
"I don't think I trust Greyback not to break through my wards while I'm gone if I stay overnight, Harry," she replied.
Harry tensed.
"I'll escort you home, then," he said. "And we'll check the whole house to make sure he's not inside. And if we find him, I'll ask him about Remus, and then I'll kill the bastard."
Hermione bit her lip, nodding along with his plan even though she rather thought he'd have better luck trying to resurrect his parents than he would at killing Fenrir Greyback.