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Chapter Text

"So," Aether says, "the Eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui wants to ask you for love advice."

Venti says, "what?"

"You see," Aether says, "it started like this:"

"Zhongli," Childe says.

Zhongli, shoveling Jade Parcels into his mouth with an admirable focus, hums serenely in Childe's direction.

"I have a question about Adepti." Childe says. "Adeptus. Adepti. An… Adeptus."

Zhongli says, "what is it?"

"You are… an Adeptus."

"I am," Zhongli says.

"Good. That's… good."

"...Was that your question?"

"Yes. No. My question was… can Adepti date?"

Zhongli echoes, "...can Adepti …date?"

"Yes," Childe says, not blushing furiously red. "Date. Romantic - intimate encounters."

"Well," Zhongli points out, "I am sure you have met Yanfei, who is a half-Adeptus."

Childe opens his mouth. Closes it again. "Ah."

Zhongli looks amused. "Rex Lapis never forbade any of the Adepti from intimate relationships."

"That's good to hear," Childe says lamely.

Xiangling peeks her head out, giggles, and then disappears back into the kitchen.

Zhongli stuffs another Jade Parcel into his mouth.

Childe starts, "then what about…"  

He pauses for so long that Zhongli raises an eyebrow. "About?"

"...Rex Lapis himself?"

Zhongli stares at him, chewing slowly. He swallows, brings a finger to his mouth, and says, "Rex Lapis?"

Childe manages, "yes."

Zhongli says, "Ah." And then he says, "Rex Lapis is just like any one of the Adepti." Which answers none and all of Childe's questions at the same time.

"I don't suppose," Childe says, (after recovering from a spontaneous coughing fit, to which Xiangling flutters by and tactfully tops up his green tea to the brim), "that all of Liyue's Adepti can date someone from, er, another nation? No, uh, ancient laws of any kind forbidding such a relationship? I am, of course, asking for purely educational purposes."

"For purely educational purposes," Zhongli says, "the answer to your question is there are certainly no laws against an intimate relationship between one of Liyue's Adepti and somebody from another nation-"

"That's very cool," Childe says. "Say, how would you like to-"

"-and besides, Xiao (I am sure you remember him, he tried to kill you the last time you met) has been happily 'dating' (as you so put it) Venti from Mondstadt. Despite the obnoxious antics from the latter, I am in full support of the relationship- Childe? Did you choke on something? Are you alright? Yes, Xiangling, can we have more tea?" 

"And," Childe says in the aftermath of their weekly spar at the Golden house (where he had honestly spent more time ranting about his woes and less time fighting), "that's why I'm here."

"And," Aether gestures weakly to nothing in particular. "That's why I'm here."

Kaeya is in stitches at the bar, doing nothing to help Diluc sweep up the glass that the latter has accidentally shattered.

"Pardon me," Diluc says, coughing.

"Huh," Venti says, who has paused in his idle strumming, face scrunched up.

"Wait," Nimrod hollers, "you're dating someone from Liyue?"

Venti says, "I am!" 

Someone else from the second floor of the tavern (was everyone eavesdropping on Aether's account with a Fatui Harbinger's love troubles?) yells, "how long?"

"For quite a while now, actually."

Nimrod says again, "how come we'd never met him?"

"Maybe you've never met him," Venti says. Pauses. "He came here a few years ago for Windblume."

"Wait," Nimrod squints, in the funny way drunk people do when they're trying very hard to think about something. "About the same height as you, green, kind of terrifying?" 

"Yeah!"

"I thought he was your cousin. Because of all the green."

Venti furrows his brow. "Why would I have a Liyuen cousin? Why would we match colours?"

Nimrod shrugs. "I don't know?"

Diluc says, "maybe your boyfriend can cover your bar tab."

Venti giggles. "He doesn't have money either."

Diluc grumbles something under his breath, which sends Kaeya into another fit. 

Aether says to Childe, when they’re stumbling out of the Golden House together after the next session of Childe’s weekly ass-kicking, “remember when you asked me about Venti?”

“Venti?” The name pops into Childe’s recent memory. “Xiao’s boyfriend?”

His stomach shudders at the thought. The spicy dumplings he remembers choking out at the first mention of Venti’s name had disagreed with him the whole night.

“The very one,” Aether says. 

“What about him?” Childe says.

“He says that he’d love to meet you,” Aether says. (Venti said more than that, like how he was super excited to meddle in Morax’s life and write a ballad about the ex-geo archon’s romantic saga so stunning it will withstand the test of time. Aether doesn’t convey this.)

Childe snaps to attention. “Wait, really?”

“Yep,” Aether says. “He’s in Mondstadt right now, but he says he’ll be free whenever.”

“Wow, oh, wow,” Childe says. “He said… what, exactly?”

“He said he can’t wait to laugh at you,” Aether relays faithfully.

Childe wrinkles his nose. “From what I know about Venti, I can’t imagine him with Xiao. Uh, no offence.”

“They’re an unexpectedly cute pair,” Aether offers.

“Ah,” Childe says. He looks left, right, and his voice drops to a whisper. “And he said he can, uh, ...you know?”

“He says he can give you Venti’s one stop guide to the tips and tricks for wooing the Adeptus of your choice.”

“...Who the hell is Venti, anyways?”

Childe clears his schedule for an afternoon, keeps it from Zhongli (not that he can't find out if he wants to, big all-powerful (ex-)Archon that he is), and then meets Aether at the Adventurer’s Guild, where Paimon is bickering with Lan about a sword she never seems to be able to find.

“What’s this about a sword?” Childe pops his head in.

“...” Lan stares at him.

“Good day to you,” Childe says.

“Come on, Paimon,” Aether says.

“She keeps sending us on these wild goose chases!”

“It’s a commission. We get paid. Childe, you ready to go?”

“Sure thing,” Childe says. They wave to Chef Mao on the way to the nearby teleport point. (Childe saw Xiangling with Chongyun on their way to the Feiyun Commerce Guild, heads bowed together as they scheme. Childe would warn the young master, but he knows Xingqiu dishes it out as good as he gets.)

“Alright, hang tight,” Aether says. "Let me teleport."

And then Childe is tumbling down the railing at Mondstadt, giving Lyudmila and Mikhail the fright of their lives.

“S-sir! Lord Harbinger!” They snap to attention, drawing the eyes of… quite literally everyone in the city square. The citizens of Mondstadt stare, and upon seeing Aether among the entourage, simply continue to go about their business.

“Hi,” Aether says, “did you two see Venti?”

Lyudmila and Mikhail stare wordlessly at him for a beat, and then turn to Childe.

“Well?” Childe says. “Did either of you see this Venti?”

“He’s, um, at the Cathedral Plaza, last I heard,” stammers Mikhail.

“Oh,” Aether says, “we can teleport there. Thank you.”

Childe starts, “wait-”

-But then in the next blink, Aether has zipped them away again, then he’s being pulled back by the scarf from almost falling to his death on one of the highest towers of Mondstadt.

He lands on his ass on a tower spire. Who puts a teleport waypoint on a tiny square of building like this?! 

“Oops, sorry!” Aether says, apologetic. Paimon, far less apologetic, is snickering at what must be the expression of pure terror on Childe’s face.

“Um, Childe,” Aether says, “did you bring your wind glider?”

“No?! Why would I bring my wind glider when-”

-And then Childe is tumbling down next to the Mondstadt waterfall again.

He quickly shoots to his feet. Lyudmila and Mikhail frantically bow.

“Let’s take the stairs,” Aether says.

The landmark of the Mondstadt city square is an enormous statue of their archon, which makes Childe immediately think of what an enormous statue of Zhongli would look like in the middle of Liyue Harbor.

Aether beelines to the foot of the statue, where a bunch of children are gathered around playing catch. Sitting a bit aways is a boy dressed in all green, who perks up at their arrival. Ah, he has an anemo vision. Doesn’t Xiao have one of those, too?

“Hi, Venti!” Aether waves.

Childe is immediately struck by an image of Xiao in his emerald green ensemble, next to this person decked out like an evergreen tree. And then he squints and tries to picture who would be taller. He snickers.

“Venti,” Aether greets, “I told you about Childe. Childe, this is Venti, Xiao’s... boyfriend.” 

“Wow, Aether,” Childe says, “you really do know everyone in Teyvat.”

“Hello!” Venti says, holding a hand out. “I’m Venti, the wandering bard from Mondstadt!”

“Hi,” Childe says. “I’m Childe, the… Northland Bank manager.”

Venti smiles disarmingly. Then, “I know you summoned Osial.”

“Oh god,” Childe says. “Who told you?” He stares at Aether.

Aether shrugs.

Venti explains, “I’m dating Xiao.”

Childe pauses. “Right. Okay. I’m Childe, Northland Bank Manager, also a Fatui Harbinger.”

“So,” Venti says, “you want to romance Zhongli, Morax, the ex-God of Contracts?”

Childe stares at him.

“I know Xiao,” Venti reminds him again.

Chapter Text

“The first way into your Adeptus’ heart,” Venti says, “is through their favorite food!” 

“Okay,” Childe says, shielding his eyes from the sharp mountain wind. “But why are we here?”

“Well, I have to get him a gift, first!” Venti says. He hums and haws and then plucks a flower from the ground, identical to the one on his hat. It joins the bundle he is already holding in his arms.

“I didn’t know The Conqueror of Demons likes flowers.”

“Well, I love cecilias,” Venti says. “So I get them for him!”

“You're getting him something that you like?" Childe squints. "Wouldn’t it be better to get a gift that fits him?” Childe says.

“Well, there are many types of gifts you can get for someone," Venti says. "I don't have time to go to Liyue to pick his favorite flowers so mine will have to do! That way, when he looks at it, he'll think of me!”

“Oh,” Childe says. “That… kind of makes sense? In a very weird way.”

“Alright," Venti says, armful of flowers. He snaps a stem and twists it around to knot the bouquet together. "Let's go!"

They find Aether (who has wandered to another part of Starsnatch to look for Valberries), and he graciously teleports them to Wangshu Inn before gliding off to prune the silkflower bushes. 

Venti waves to Verr and Huai'an from five feet away from the counter. "Hi, boss!"

"Hello, Venti. Yanxiao's in the kitchen," Verr smiles at him, and then turns sharp eyes to Childe.

"Hey," Childe says. 

"Harbinger," Verr greets, smiling with all teeth.

"Does everyone in Liyue know who I am?" Childe laughs. 

Verr does not laugh back.

"Not to worry ma'am," Venti interjects, "he's with me!" 

Childe waves, and Venti drags him down the stairs. Their footsteps make Yanxiao glare in their direction, but his expression smooths out when he sees Venti. "I'll have a plate of almond tofu ready for you in a moment."

"Thanks, Yanxiao!" Venti chirps. "Any song requests?"

"Whatever you play for the adeptus is fine," Yanxiao says. "Lights up the whole inn."

Childe looks at Venti. "Are you really that good?"

Venti chirps, "I'm the best bard in Teyvat!" 

Yanxiao walks over, dish in hand. "There aren't bards anywhere else in Teyvat." 

"Well, it still stands that I'm the best." 

"If you don't mind me asking," Childe says, as they're taking the stairs up to the rooftop where Xiao the Adeptus apparently spends his days. "How did you guys meet?"

"It's a long story," Venti giggles. "I was playing the flute, and he heard me!"

"...You were playing the flute?"

"That's right! Xiao likes my songs." Venti giggles again.

“Huh,” Childe says, “that’s… interesting. So… he approached you?”

“Ehe, something like that!” 

“Huh,” Childe says. He can’t imagine Xiao chatting someone up. The Conquerer of Demons finding a musician he likes and sliding into their space to ask them out on a date… or something? 

But before Childe can ask any more, they’re on the last flight of stairs, and Childe steels himself for the confrontation with the Adeptus.

“A-Xiao!” Venti throws open the balcony doors. It’s empty, at first, and then a gust of biting wind that rivals the ones on the Mondstadt cliff blows directly in Childe’s face.

When he can open his eyes again, he sees Xiao the Adeptus there, glaring straight at Childe.

Venti bounds right up to him. “He-ey babe!”

Childe remembers Xiao from the aftermath of what he can only refer outwardly to as the Osial incident (and what he privately considers the Worst Betrayal By Zhongli-Morax-Prime of the Adepti but it wasn't actually so bad because it's Zhongli and he's cute Incident). 

Xiao is glaring menacingly.

Venti leans over and gives him a peck on the cheek.

Huh, Venti is just that bit taller than Xiao. Or was that his hat?

"What is he doing here?" Xiao growls.

"He's here as my protégé," Venti says, which is not an arrangement that Childe agreed on, thank you very much. Oh, Xiao has a spear. He's sure Zhongli would disapprove but he wants to spar with Xiao.

Venti continues, "he's here to ask for advice on how to date Morax as someone from a different nation."

Xiao scowls. 

“Hey,” Childe says, belatedly. “I’m here to figure out how human-adepti relationships work.”

A strange look that Childe can’t interpret crosses Xiao’s face. He starts, “you-”

Venti says, "But you're not human, are you?" 

Childe stills.

Venti stares at him with glittering eyes. Childe is suddenly and abruptly reminded of the Tsaritsa, for a reason he cannot articulate. His breath catches in his throat, held momentarily  by Venti’s suddenly sharp gaze.

"Oh," Venti giggles, breaking eye contact.

The tension in the room dissipates so quickly that Childe feels dizzy. What the hell was that?

He startles. “Wh-”

“I brought you almond tofu!” Venti says loudly, steamrolling past Childe’s vertigo. He hands the plate to Xiao, who lets his spear dematerialize so he can accept the plate with both hands. 

“Thank you,” Xiao says, and… 

...yeah. Yeah, they’re dating.

“Food,” Childe says.

Xiao’s gaze snaps up in annoyance.

Venti laughs. “Yes! Step one, feed your adepti their favorite food?”

“Do you know what Zhongli’s favorite food is?”

“Hm,” Venti muses. “Morax has a very picky palate, but unfortunately the true tastes of nostalgia he misses are from long-extinct ingredients that you can’t even dream of getting your hands on… but what matters is that it comes from the heart, so, really, I think anything you make will be fine!”

Xiao looks amused - a new expression Childe didn’t know he could show. “You didn’t even make this tofu.”

Venti looks affronted. “Hey! I ordered it from the heart!”

Venti chatters about the antics of the citizens of Mondstadt as Xiao eats. Childe takes a seat by the balcony - the breeze (now that Xiao is not trying to kill him with it) is nice.

He... tries not to dwell too much on Venti's comment. Maybe Venti was just... um... mistaken about something? Maybe he thought Childe was an immortal or elemental being of some sort - and there are a lot of those in Teyvat. He'll clarify it with him later.

The cecilias that Venti picked gets fluffed up in a vase that he sets by the countertop, and Xiao gazes at it with a little quirk of a smile behind his spoon. Childe starts thinking of gifts to get Zhongli that represents him.

“So I have to figure out a dish to cook for him, a gift to get him…” Childe hums thoughtfully.

“Mhm!” Venti swings his legs off the side of the bed. “Two very important things! You should get him more than one gift - he’s very sentimental like that. Old people are sentimental, hah! And he’s a dragon. He hoards tons.”

Childe snickers, amused. “I buy him plenty of stuff all the time. Do you think that earns me points in his book?”

Venti perks up. “Oh?”

“Yes,” Childe nods. “He’s always out of mora, you know-”

“Mora? Out of mora?” Venti is vibrating on the bed, so much so that Xiao looks surprised. “Morax, god of mora, out of mora?!”

“I know, right?” Childe snorts. “It’s ridiculous!” He begins regaling Venti stories of Zhongli’s financial incapabilities - and by the end of it Venti has collapsed in peals of laughter. Even Xiao looks amused, although that might be because he has Venti sprawled over his lap in a giggling mess.

They’re kind of cute, honestly. How the hell did Venti do it?

“M-m-morax!” Venti wheezes. “He’s such a blockhead!”

Childe laughs. “Is that what you call him? It fits.”

Xiao shoots him a look. “Leave.”

“Hey, hey, don’t kick my protégé out yet,” Venti says, patting Xiao on the shoulder. They exchange a look, and Venti gets up stretching.

“I’m going to stay with Xiao for a while,” Venti says. “You can go catch Aether. I’ll catch up with you at Liyue once you figure out your courting gifts for Zhongli!” 

Childe wrinkles his nose. “You sure you won’t need Aether’s teleporting ability?”

Xiao opens his mouth.

“I have my personal transport system here!” Venti giggles, throwing himself at Xiao again.

Childe tries to picture Xiao flying over to Liyue with Venti as a passenger and snickers.

Xiao says generously, “get out.”

“Shoo!” Venti waves him off.

Childe is halfway down the stairs when he hears it - the sounds of a flute floating down from the terrace.

He freezes in his steps.

It's…

It's… really nice.

The tune sounds nothing like the folk songs of Snezhnaya and yet it somehow fills him with a longing for home - a chord hits just right and he imagines crackling of a fireplace and twinkling lights on the streets and he feels a tear prickle at the corner of his eye.

"Oh my god," Childe breathes. 

Best bard in Teyvat, indeed! 

"I know," Huai'an calls out to him, from where he's lounging next to the counter patting the cat.

Childe realizes he's standing stock-still on the steps. He sheepishly hurries the rest of the way down.

Verr is humming. "Ah, it's so lively when Venti comes around. Makes me feel so homesick."

"Let's go to Mondstadt for Windblume this year," Huai'an says to her.

Childe blinks at the both of them, considering. "Hey, I know this may be a little out of place, but can I ask for some advice?"

Huai'an stares curiously. "What is it?"

"Well, as you know I'm from Snezhnaya," (Huai'an and Verr exchange a look), "but I've been in Liyue for a while now. I consider this nation to be my… second home, of sorts."

"That's very generous of you," Verr says.

"Ah-haha," Childe says. "Well, it's… Miss Goldet, you're from Mondstadt. When did you consider Liyue to be your home?"

She assesses him with sharp eyes, before her gaze softens. "When I met my husband, of course." And then, "I see Zhongli has gotten you just as enamoured as-"

Childe blushes furiously. "H-how do you know?!" 

Verr and Huai'an both stare flatly at him.

"Right," Childe says. He's no stranger to the vast reach of the Liyue information network - or rather, the train of gossip that strings from one end of the market to another, in Liyue Harbour all the way to Qingqe. There's nothing that can escape the Liyuen tongue, really. Wangshu being the pitstop for travellers between Mondstadt, Liyue Harbour and Qingqe just means that this place is a gossip hub.

Verr says, "Mister Zhongli visits Adeptus Xiao quite often."

"...Ah."

"Perhaps that is why his status as a consultant is so revered for his knowledge in ancient Liyuen history," Huai'an muses out loud. "Being on good terms with an adeptus surely grants you a reliable first-person source to interrogate on historical matters."

Childe opens his mouth.

The couple stares unblinkingly at him.

Childe closes his mouth.

A second flute joins as a musical accompaniment?

Childe looks up at the ceiling.

"Adeptus Xiao is quite good at the flute," Verr says. "Quite a shame, he only plays when Venti is around." 

Aww. That's kind of cute. Adeptus Xiao is really soft for Venti, isn't he? Childe really really wants to know how exactly they happened.

Chapter Text

Childe finds Aether whacking the bark out of a poor sunsettia tree hanging over the stream that flows upwards to the Qingqe river.

"Oh, hello," Aether greets him cheerily. Over his shoulder, Paimon takes a noisy crunch of a sunsettia and waves.

"Venti said he's staying behind to spend time with Xiao," Childe says.

"Ah," Aether says. "Let's go back to the Harbour then. I have to talk to Katheryne."

Aether grabs Childe's arm, and then on the next blink, Childe tumbles out from thin air right next to the Second Life goods shop. It's never painful, but always disorienting when he teleports with Aether.

Who, speaking off, has hopped behind him to pluck a Glaze Lily from the ground.

"Can I get one of those?" Childe says.

Aether passes one over. It's a nice perky flower, bulb still closed, filaments swaying in the wind.

A thought twinges in Childe's head. "These open with song, right?"

Aether has somehow acquired an armful of glaze lilies. "Hm? Yeah, they do."

"Do you think Venti can make them open?"

"Venti? Oh, definitely," Aether says. "I saw him open one before." 

"Holy shit," Childe says. He's going to ask Venti to sing one open for him and then he's going to give it to Zhongli. Zhongli talks about Glaze Lilies all the time - he'd love them.

"Glaze lilies are selling at Bubu Pharmacy for a thousand mora each!" Paimon chirps, wagging her eyebrows meaningfully at Childe.

Aether rolls his eyes. "Paimon!"

"No, she's right," Childe says, pulling out his wallet. The poor boy is somehow always short of funds, and he's such a great help in, well, everything. Childe is just one of the many people who pays Aether for the errands he runs, and each mora is deserved. "Here you go. Some extra, for the teleport."

"You don't have to," Aether says.

"Yes, he has to," Paimon says, and begins tugging Aether away before he manages to return the mora. "Bye, Childe!"

"I'll catch you later," Aether waves sheepishly. He heads towards the Adventurer's guild, waving to people as he passes. The boy really knows everyone, huh? 

"Hey, Zhongli!"

Zhongli glances up at him. Childe imagines he would raise a hand in a wave, if he wasn't holding up his boss like a disgruntled cat.

Hu Tao screeches, "Zhongli, put me down!"

Zhongli says, "I'm not putting you down until you tell me where you hid the brochures."

Hu Tao wails, "it's in the second drawer to the right in the drawing room!”

Zhongli lowers Hu Tao on the floor with a gentle thump, and then strides to one of the rooms with purpose. His voice calls, “I’m burning all of these.”

“No! My brochures!”

“Master Hu,” Zhongli says with exasperation, walking out - and in his hands are a thick stack of leaflets. Childe glances at it - buy two get one free. Ah.

Zhongli yanks Hu Tao's hat over her eyes. She squeals and makes a blind grab for her business collateral, but Zhongli sidesteps her swipe and blocks her with an arm she doesn't topple over.

"Hmph!" She says., popping up to adjust her hat. "I'm going to play with someone who won't bully me. A-Meng!"

Hu Tao scurries off. Zhongli sighs after her. 

"Hello, Childe," he greets. "Have you finished your duties for today at the bank?"

"Ah," Childe says. His non-existent duties at the bank today, that he did not ask Ekaterina to reschedule for him so he can spend the afternoon doing absolutely nothing of note at all. "Yes."

Zhongli's eyes twinkle. Can he tell if Childe's lying? "That's wonderful. I still have things to wrap up and… paperwork to burn. Would you care to join me for dinner later?"

Ah, speaking of dinner. He needs to think of a dish that will suit Zhongli's refined (but penniless) palate. 

He might have one in mind… one that he would consider his specialty. Back in Snezhnaya, he'd cook it for his family all the time. Most of the ingredients are from Snezhnaya, but he's sure he can substitute them with Liyuen ingredients?

He can get mint anywhere, but he needs a different type of vegetable for the soup... The Liyuen crabs won’t be too different from the Snezhnaya crabs, but he may need to check out the markets for some octopus…

"Childe?" Zhongli prompts.

"Oh! Uh, yes!" Childe says. "Later tonight. I'll see you. Yes. Same time. See you!"

"I'll see you too, Childe," Zhongli says pleasantly. 

Somewhere in the back room of the parlor, Meng screams.

Zhongli whirls around. "Hu-!" 

Childe makes a graceful getaway.

"Of course you can borrow our kitchen," Chef Mao says. "Aether does it all the time." 

"Thank you," Childe says gratefully. "I'll reimburse you for anything I use."

"No need for that," Chef Mao says, "you've always been such a loyal customer."

"What are you making, Mr Childe?" Asks Xingqiu, who pokes his head through the counter window from outside. He waggles his eyebrows meaningfully. "Is it a dish for Mr Zhongli?"

"Xingqiu!" Chongyun wails.

Childe snickers. The Liyuen kids running around remind him of his own siblings. Luckily Aether has managed to keep Teucer out of Xingqiu's hands during his short trip here, or Childe might have had to send that little rascal home more devious and mischievous than he already is, and then Mama might just come to Liyue to smack him.

"He's been such a great host to me here in Liyue, I figured I'd make him a dish in thanks," Childe explains.

Xiangling, who's been dutifully chopping the scallions on one of the dining tables outdoors, yanks Xingqiu away from the window so she can stare at him instead. "What are you making, Mr Childe?"

"Just a simple Snezhnayan dish I know," Childe answers her.

"Ooh!" Xiangling says, eyes wide.

 Chef Mao says, "use the door, dear!"

After Chongyun has extricated her from halfway over the counter and deposited her back on her feet by the doorway, she runs to Childe's side. "Do you mind if I watch you?!"

"Of course not," Childe says. "I might need your help actually, working with some Liyuen ingredients."

She nods eagerly.

Childe explains the recipe to her. "I've already gotten the seafood from the market on the way here," he says, "but I was hoping to get some inspiration on the vegetables."

"Oh, your description is similar to a Mondstadtian recipe I know - here, let me give it to you," Xiangling muses. "They use the calla lily as their staple vegetable. I don't have the Snezhnayan… what-that-is here, but I do have a bunch of calla lilies!"

"Oh!" Childe says, pleasantly surprised. "Yes, I think that will do quite well."

"Is it a special occasion that you're celebrating with Mr Zhongli, Mr Childe?" Xingqiu pipes up. He's migrated into the kitchen with the chopping board. Chongyun is working methodologically at the abandoned scallions. 

"Oh, nothing like that," Childe says. "I just thought… I'd do something nice."

"Nice," Xingqiu says, eyes sparkling. Chongyun elbows him.

Chef Mao (from where he’s marinating the meats, standing at the side) laughs a little bit to himself. “Did I ever tell you kids,” he says, “about when I tried to woo Xiangling’s mother?”

“You’ve told me that story a lot of times, Papa,” Xiangling says, rolling her eyes. 

But Chef Mao is already rambling on, in a longing-wistful tone. “Back then I didn’t have the money to buy her fancy gifts or flowers or jewelry like all the other young men that trying to get her attention,” he says, “I only had a spatula, a wok, and my kitchen. Luckily for me, she was a smart woman who knew how to appreciate a good dish!”

“It’s not like Mr Childe has any problem buying things for Mr Zhongli,” Xingqiu quips. Xiangling lobs a chili at his head.

“Still,” Chef Mao says. “There’s only so many things you can buy, only so much space in one house! All you young people ought to learn a few good dishes or two. You can only buy your wife so many things before you run out of money or things to buy, but you can give her a hot meal to come home to every day for the rest of your lives.”

(And the sentiment of that makes Childe pause in his stirring, and look contemplatively down at the simmering soup. Dinner on the stove for the rest of their lives, huh?)

“So in that case,” Xiangling crows, “I’m all set to be married!”

Chef Mao swats at her with his stove fan. “You can be married when you learn to sweep the floor properly!”

“Aww, Papa!”

Chapter Text

“Zhongli!” Childe brightens as he sees him approach their usual table at Wanmin.

“I apologize for being tardy,” Zhongli says. “I had to stop Hu Tao from setting Meng on fire.”

“I… was that a joke? Zhongli, did you just make a joke?”

Zhongli smiles genially at him. Childe still can’t tell if he was joking.

“Yeah, well, it’s not like I’ve been waiting long. Ha-ha.” Childe says. 

That is, if you didn’t count waiting long as turning up two hours before dinnertime to start preparing to cook, and then altering and altering the dish until it tastes fine and then altering some more until it tastes pretty okay I guess, oh god I hope it’s okay, and then adding more spices and stirring and taste-testing and should he add a bit more this and that and oh how about that one? Until Chef Mao says, “isn’t this around the time you’re supposed to meet Zhongli?” And then tripping over several other customers in haste to get to his table to act casual and normal and not panicked, and then panicking when Zhongli doesn’t arrive for the next five minutes because he apparently chose today to be late.

“Anyways,” Childe says. “I took the liberty of ordering for us tonight. Don’t ask me what we’re getting, it’d be a surprise!”

“I love surprises,” Zhongli says, with the same amount of inflection in his voice as when he describes Hu Tao’s arsonism. 

Childe narrows his eyes in suspicion. Was that another joke?

But he does, of course, hope Zhongli loves this surprise. 

Xiangling buses by their table, giggling to herself. “Nice to see you today, Mr Zhongli,” she says. “The menu-”

“Childe said he had ordered for us tonight,” Zhongli says.

Xiangling giggles again. “Ah, yes! I was just about to say you won’t need a menu! Let me bring out your first course.”

Zhongli smiles at Childe, his lips curving up a little at the corners. “What’s the occasion?”

“Why?” Childe says, fingers twitching towards where Zhongli has his hand on laid casually on the table. “Can’t I do something nice for you?”

“You’ve always doing something nice for me,” Zhongli says. “There’s no need to go the extra mile like this… but I’m intrigued.”

In the time it takes for Childe to recover from his heart attack, Xiangling comes by with tea for Zhongli, a large plate of dumplings, and dipping sauce.

“Childe? You okay?”

“I like you!”

“I like you too,” Zhongli says, nonplussed, and delicately pops a dumpling into his mouth.

Childe stares at his chopsticks in defeat.

And then a very familiar voice says, "he-ey, blockhead!"

Was that Venti? Well, Childe supposes he never actually specified when they should meet up, and Childe never gave Venti any instructions to not crash their dinner date. It was an oversight on Childe’s part, really, because Venti seemed exactly like the kind of person who would deliberately crash a dinner date.

...But maybe, finally! He wouldn’t be the only person at a table who doesn’t know how to use chopsticks. Venti doesn’t know how to use them, right? He used a spoon for the almond tofu with Xiao.

Childe watches Zhongli rapidly speed through the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. 

And then Childe discovers two more: denial 2, and finally astral projection. (Zhongli looks to the sky like he's imagining the Exuvia crashing down on Wanmin.)

Zhongli says, "oh, no."

Childe turns around to see Venti bounding down the sidewalk, earning curious stares from passers-by. 

Venti says, "yahoo, blockhead!" Grabs an empty seat from a neighbouring table, and plops down next to Zhongli. 

"Venti," Zhongli says, with no small amount of exasperation. "What are you doing here?" He shoots Childe an apologetic look, to which Childe shrugs. 

"I came to visit Xiao in the afternoon and I figured I'd pop by to say hi to my favorite arc-"

Zhongli quickly stuffs a dumpling in Venti's mouth.

"Childe," Zhongli says long-sufferingly, "this is Venti."

Venti leans over the table, hand outstretched. "Hwi," he says, dumpling still in his mouth. "Ihm Vhenthi, tphe tphavhellihng bhard ofh Mhondhsthat!"

Childe stares at him.

Venti winks.

Childe shakes his hand. "Hi, I'm Childe." 

Venti chews, swallows, says, "weren't you the guy that released Os-"

Zhongli jams another dumpling into his mouth.

"This is who I told you about before," Zhongli says. "He is the person …dating Xiao."

Venti flails, splutters, chews and swallows. "Aw, you tell people about me?"

"Only as a bad example."

Venti plucks a pair of chopsticks from the utensils tray. He clicks it twice, and expertly plucks a piece of dim sum off the plate and into his mouth.

Childe gapes. So he’s the only damn outsider in here that can’t use chopsticks?

Xiangling pops out. "Hello, customer! Can I get you a drink?" (She gives Childe a bewildered look, at which he can only shrug at her for.)

"Oh!" Venti perks up. "Do you have osmanthus wine!"

Zhongli yanks Venti's hat over his eyes (just like he does with Hu Tao.) To Xiangling he says, "he will have oolong tea."

"No!" 

"Shut up , Venti."

"You're always so mean to me."

Childe looks quickly between them, partly amused and (mostly) confused. Zhongli and Venti seemed quite familiar with each other, which was… well, odd. Now he was wondering if they knew each other through Xiao, or if they’ve met first and Venti knew Xiao through Zhongli?

The latter made more sense, if he was being honest. Xiao didn’t seem like the very social sort of person. Zhongli, on the other hand, was as fond of Hu Tao as he was exhausted by her, and Childe can almost picture him stumbling upon Venti one day and somehow never shaking him off.

"Oh," Xiangling leans into Childe's side, whispering. "Would you like me to serve the you-know-what?"

Zhongli and Venti look over curiously.

"Oh, yes please," Childe says. Venti wasn’t a part of the plan, but it wasn’t too bad of a deviation all things considered - he should treat Venti to a meal anyways for helping him out, and if Zhongli likes the food, Childe can suggest cooking for him again, this time without troublesome bards. (Maybe in a more intimate setting. Like dinner at his place, or breakfast the morning after…)

Xiangling winks at Childe, says “coming right up!” 

“I’ve asked Xiangling to bring out a special dish,” Childe explains. “It’s actually a, uh… my own?”

Zhongli’s eyes widen. “You made a dish, Childe?”

“A-ah, yeah,” Childe says. He rubs the back of his head, a little bashful. “Don’t be too hard on me! It’s based off something I used to make back in Snezhnaya, but of course I can’t fully recreate it here…”

Venti's eyes sparkle. "Oh, really? I can't wait to try it!"

Zhongli shoots him an aggrieved look. "It's not for you."

"I'm sure there's enough for all of us," Chlilde says. 

Zhongli sighs at him. "If you're sure, Childe. Since this one rudely interrupted our meal."

"Ah, well," that's true - Childe hadn't planned on a guest. "We might have to order a few more side dishes?" 

"I'm bringing it out!" Xiangling calls. "Here it is!"

Childe stands up, beaming in excitement. He can't wait to see the look on Zhonli's face! "Alright, here is my-"

"-Ahhh!"

"I didn't know you… disliked seafood."

Dislike is perhaps not strong enough of a word to quite describe the way Zhongli had recoiled when Xiangling set down the steaming hot dish, causing her to trip and splatter half it's soupy contents over Venti, who then fell out of his chair and brought the rest of the table with him.

Childe could only watch this spectacle occur in two and a half seconds, standing stock-still with his jaw open.

"Oh my god!" Xiangling wails, belatedly.

Venti shoots to his feet. "I'm alright!" A leek is sticking out of his hair.

"...I apologize," Zhongli says, looking appropriately contrite.

Childe stares sadly at the scene in front of him.

"It's fine, it's fine!" Venti says. He shrugs off his cape (now sopping wet), hands it off to Zhongli (who takes it as if on autopilot), and then raises a hand.

His anemo vision glows, and then a warm breeze sweeps in. The table rights itself, the crockery settle in wonky piles, and the rolling bits of dumplings cluster up in a little swirling mass before plopping in a soup bowl.

"No harm done," Venti says with a flourish.

Childe remains gaping. He's not sure if he's disappointed with Zhongli's reaction, or if the amazement at Venti's level of elemental mastery has overtaken him.

Zhongli runs his hand through Venti's cape. Little geo crystals pop up from where he forms little soup-crystallizations, and then he drapes the now dry cape back onto Venti's shoulders. 

Xiangling makes a sound of sadness. The onlookers continue giving them bewildered glances. Venti dusts off his cap and rights it back on his head before sitting back down onto his seat - and Zhongli, still resolutely avoiding Childe's eye contact, slowly sits back down as well.

Childe gingerly rights his chair. "Um."

"I apologize," Zhongli coughs. "The… tentacles… gave me a shock."

“...It’s okay,” Childe says, because he doesn’t quite know what else to say.

“I’ll bring these back in with you, Xiangling,” Venti says suddenly, grabbing the plates. Xiangling nods with wide eyes, grabs half the pile from Venti, and the both of them vanish conspicuously to the kitchen.

Childe says, “Um.”

“Childe, I am-”

“...It’s fine,” Childe laughs, painfully awkwardly. “Now I know not to cook you seafood, yeah?”

“...Let me make it up to you.”

“Zhongli, it’s fine, really. I should have asked beforehand. I mean, I don’t even know you have allergies...:”

“...I don’t…”

“...Good to know.”

“...”

“...”

“Oh dear,” Venti says, watching the two idiots ignore each other.

“It’s my fault, I should’ve been more careful,” Xiangling sags. “After Mr Childe put so much hard work into the dish, too.”

“Hey, no, it’s okay!” Venti pats her on the shoulder. “I’ve known Zhongli for a long time, and he’d always hated octopus.”

“Really?” She sniffs. “He’s never had any problems with seafood.”

“Not all seafood,” Venti tells her. “He hates only octopi specifically. It’s a, uh, odd quirk of his. Man, I should’ve warned Childe about it first.”

“You told Mr Childe to cook something for Mr Zhongli?”

“Oh, yeah,” Venti says. “See, Zhongli and I are old friends! Childe asked me for advice on wanting to do something nice for him, and I suggested he cook Zhongli something, since he’s a gourmet and all. I, uh, might have forgotten about the octopus thing. So really, it’s both our faults.”

“Oh…” Xiangling says. She peers out the window again. The two of them are still staring at the table, not saying a word between them. “What do we do?”

“Hm…” Venti says. Well, he usually has one main solution for lovestruck fools, and he has to say he’s got a pretty high success rate, all things considered. He'd bet it'd work here, too! “What else to lighten the mood than some music?"

Before Xiangling says a word, he steps back out into the dining area and hops on an empty stool. “He-ey, people of Liyue! I’m Venti, the travelling bard from Mondstadt! Would you all care for a little song?”

He whips out his flute and starts the first few notes of one of Morax’s favorite songs. From the corner of his eye, he sees Zhongli perk up, and Childe look towards him in surprise.

He starts playing. Behind him, Xiangling quickly rushes out with an appetizer she quickly threw together and surreptitiously slides it between Zhongli and Childe, before darting away. Around them, the other Wanmin customers are bobbing their heads along, and onlookers from neighbouring stalls have wandered over.

This attention is, of course, very much what Venti is used to. But he’s not too focused on the cheers he gets when his song concludes and he quickly picks up another one, because it seems like Childe has turned around, asking Zhongli what the songs were about! And Zhongli - bless him - has started on one of his lectures on the history of song or no doubt something like that. Venti isn’t even offended that they’re not completely mesmerized by his music.

Halfway through his third song, Childe suddenly jumps in surprise. Venti almost pauses his playing in concern, but Childe reaches into his pocket and… 

...pulls out a glaze lily?

Oh, it’s opened!

(Ehe, of course it is!)

And then Childe turns around and presents it to Zhongli! Whose surprise melts into fondness, an almost-faint blush on his cheek.

Success! 

Well, mostly.

Chapter Text

“Now you want to make Childe a dish?!” Venti wails.

“Yes,” Zhongli says, looking far too solemn as he paces the balcony of Wangshu Inn. “He has put in so much time and effort in making me something to try. I need to reciprocate to show my appreciation, and I admit my reaction then was, ah, unbecoming...”

Perched on the railing, from behind Zhongli’s back, Xiao sends Venti a look.

“Do you know what his favorite foods are?” Venti asks.

“Seafood,” Zhongli answers immediately. Then his face falls.

“Yeah, that’s obviously not going to work,” Venti says. “Instead of thinking of his favorite food, why don’t you just make him something from the heart? I’m sure he’ll love it!”

“Intention goes a long way in a gift,” Zhongli nods, and Venti almost sags in relief-

“-but what if my chosen dish happens to dredge up unwanted memories or unpleasant feelings as it did for I?” And then he starts pacing again, quicker this time, rambling words that Venti doesn't even bother trying to catch because he knows it's all unfounded worries.

Venti tries, “why don’t you just ask him what he likes?”

“It won’t be a surprise if I speak to him directly about it.”

“Well, why don’t you ask Xiangling and Chef Mao? You two eat at Wanmin all the time, surely they would know what he likes to eat."

Zhongli stares at Venti for a beat, like he's somewhat surprised Venti gave him good advice. “That sounds like a fine idea. I shall get started on it right away. Good day, Barbatos, and Xiao.”

“You’re welc- oh, he’s gone. Man.”

Xiao slinks from the railing and back into the room, hair ruffled like a disgruntled cat. (He’d burst out there in surprise when Zhongli burst in, dragging Venti behind him, and then afterwards stayed there to maintain distance from any Childe related discussions.) “What is happening?” He demands, almost hysterically.

“Two idiots in love, Xiao,” Venti sighs almost giddily, feeling very much like a parent hearing about their child’s first schoolkid crush. “Good thing the both of us have it figured out, huh?”

“Oh, you gave him the glaze lily?” Aether asks.

“Yeah!” Childe says, beaming. “I didn’t even notice it bloomed in my pocket when Venti started singing. But then Zhongli was telling me about the song Venti was playing, and how it used to be one of the old songs that he would play with his guqin to the glaze lilies to make them bloom, and I remembered it!”

“That’s very nice,” Aether nods genially. “Did he like it?”

“Well, I hope he did!” Childe says. “He smiled when he took it, and he kept staring at it the whole night! Venti was telling me that-”

“Must have reminded him of Lady Guizhong,” Paimon says idly, in between bites of her Sweet Madame.

Aether hisses, “Paimon!”

Paimon says, “Huh? What did Paimon say?”

Childe’s smile freezes on his face. “What? Who?”

Aether stares at him for a beat, then sighs. “Lady Guizhong. She was a friend of Zhongli’s back then, but she unfortunately passed in the Archon War. He told me about her when we were cleaning up after the Jade Chamber fell into the ocean.”

“Oh,” Childe says, wincing a little, “Were they close?”

Aether pauses, looking at Childe a little sympathetically, then shrugs.

Yes, then.

“Well, at least the flower made him happy,” Childe sighs. “I mean, that’s good, right?”

“Uh, yeah!” Aether says. “It’s still a sweet gift. Maybe it made him a little nostalgic, but that’s not necessarily… bad…”

“...”

“Um. Cheer up, Childe! I’m sure there’s plenty more ways to get closer to Zhongli. Yesterday may have gone a little, uh, not as planned, but, uh, what else did Venti suggest?”

“Oh!” Childe perks up again, now that he’s got something more exciting to think about. “Venti was suggesting I get him a gift, too! Specifically something that will remind Zhongli of me! Like how Glaze Lilies remind Zhongli of Guizhong because they’re her favorite flower, or Venti was saying Cecilias remind Xiao of him because they’re his favorite flower, oh, but I don’t have a favorite flower, should I get a favorite flower? Aether, what flowers do you know?”

Aether says, “I’m sure it can be anything other than flowers?”

Paimon finishes off her sweet madame. “I know what I like! Two things into Paimon’s heart!” She declares. “Food, and Mora!”

And since he’s already tripped, fell and face-planted on the food front…

Childe snaps his fingers. Brilliant idea - and thematically relevant to their relationship! “I’ll get him Mora!”

Aether slaps his forehead. “No!”

“You’re friends with Zhongli,” Childe says.

Venti nods solemnly at him. “I am indeed.”

Childe says, “good. Do you know what he likes?”

Venti opens his mouth.

“No, wait, that defeats the purpose, because I’m getting him a gift about me,” Childe says. “Scratch that. Do you know what I like?”

“How would I know that?”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Childe says. “Dammit. I should ask people who know me.”

“You’re asking people who know you what you like-”

“I bet Ekaterina knows what I like,” Childe says triumphantly, like he’s connected the dots. (He’s connected nothing at all, actually.) “Come on, Venti, let’s go!”

And this is how Venti finds himself being dragged by the other half of Liyue’s biggest lovestruck idiot pair into the Northland Bank, giving the poor guard a fright when he sees his boss manhandling a citizen of Mondstadt through the large double doors.

Venti could barely wave hi to Childe's employees before Childe dumps him on the middle of the floor and races to the receptionist counter. “Ekaterina!”

The receptionist looks up at him. “Sir?”

“What do I like?!”

Ekaterina stares at him, and then turns slowly to stare at Venti. She may be wearing a mask, but Venti understands her expression completely.

She turns back to Childe. “Sir,” she says perfectly evenly, in what must be her customer service voice. “Can you be more specific?”

“You see,” Childe says, settling down on the countertop, “I want to get Zhongli a gift.”

Ekaterina stares at Childe.

Childe motions to Venti. “Meet my advisor, who is an expert at wooing Ade-”

Venti clears his throat. 

“Um, expert at wooing, uh, Zhongli.”

There’s sounds of someone choking in spluttering laughter outside the doors. Childe does not pay it any attention.

Venti, the expert of wooing Zhongli. Venti wants this engraved on his statue.

Ekaterina stares at Childe for so long that he, for all his high-ranking status as a member of the Fatui, starts to fidget and look distinctly embarrassed.

“Um,” Childe says, “thanks for your help, Ekaterina! Come on, Venti, let’s go talk in my apartment.”

Venti mouths, help me, in Ekaterina’s direction.

She stares at him, adjusts her mask, and then goes back to her paperwork. 

Yeah. Venti doesn’t blame her.

Childe’s apartment, as it turns out, is a little suite attached to the upper levels of the Northland Bank that overlooks the lower echelons of Liyue Harbour. It’s not facing Wangshu inn, which is a shame because Venti can’t wave to Xiao from here, but it is overlooking the corner of the harbour where the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour sits. How cute.

“What do I like?” Childe asks aloud to himself, and then starts digging through the paraphernalia of his room. It’s… a rather neat room, surprisingly for someone like Childe, which is a startling comparison to Morax, for all his wise strict archon-ly image, tends to burrow and nest and hoard just like the dragon he is.

Venti’s pretty sure he’s lost a good few articles of clothing to both Morax and Dvalin over millennia. He would try to get it back, except that he doesn’t miss his 364th hat more than he would miss his arm, and Morax will rightly take it off of him if he tries rummaging through his stuff.

Honestly. Dragons . 

As Childe mutters to himself, Venti takes the time to poke around the room, and the desk catches his attention. Paperwork, a book on Liyue culture, a bastardized copy of the sigil of permission that has a stroke wrong, a pair of fancy looking chopsticks, a little dustpan, a piece of a rock-

-hold on.

“Holy shit,” Venti says, eyes widening. He holds up the chopsticks.

Childe turns around, humming in assent. “Ah, yeah, the chopsticks that Zhongli bought for me! Well, I said bought for me, but really, it was my money he used, so-”

“Zhongli gave this to you?!” Venti all but shrieks.

“Yeah,” Childe says. “He said I needed to practice my chopstick skills. But, ah, they look so pretty I feel bad for using them, so I keep them here as a paperweight.”

Venti gapes at him. “Do you- do- wh- what?!”

“What?” Childe wrinkles his nose.

Venti swipes the book on Liyue Culture and Customs and starts flipping through it. There has to be a chapter on marriage and courtship here somewhere! “Did you even read this book?!”

“Uh, haha, yeah, see, the thing is-”

“You didn’t read this book.”

“I was going to!” Childe insists. “I bought it to read it! But then after that I met Zhongli, and he knows everything anyways, and he’s way more fun than the book-”

“Oh my god,” Venti wails. 

Morax gave him a wedding d owry . Venti is going to kill him.

“Do me a favor, Childe,” Venti says. “When you’re free, read chapter 36 of this book for me.”

Childe makes a face. “You’re giving me a reading assignment?”

“It’s essential to your wooing of Zhongli, of which I am an expert at,” Venti says. Winks at him. Childe blushes and goes back to upending his trunk. 

“Yeah, alright, I’ll give it a look,” Childe says. “But for now… hm… something I like that I can give Zhongli…”

Venti looks at the table again. Pens, a bundle of parchment paper, a comb (it probably doesn’t get much use), a starconch shell… hm…

“Where did you get that?” Venti picks it up.

Childe lights up. "Oh! Zhongli gave it to me once! We went on a walk to Guyun Stone Forest, you see, that's the bunch of islands where Osial was sealed just northeast of here - I'm sure you already know where it is. He was telling me about the native biodiversity there, all the crabs and sea creatures, and he told me about the stories of how people used to say that if you held a starconch up to your ear-"

Venti nods along, wondering if Childe was hearing himself speak at all. 

"-and then he picked one up from the ground and gave it to me! And told me it looked like my eyes and- ohmygodVenti you're a genius."

"I am not your god," Venti points out. Childe doesn't comment on that - instead he's now pacing around the room with the starconch in his hand, loudly talking about how many he should get Zhongli.

"10? 50? The Liyue lucky number is 8, right, should I get him 8? No, that's too little. 88?" 

Venti resists the urge to slap his forehead. “Why don’t we start with one?”

Childe turns huge watery eyes at him. “But-”

“You want it to be perfect and special,” Venti reminds him. “Also, Zhongli wears one earring, if you get my drift.”

“Venti,” Childe claps me on the back, “you are a genius.”

Chapter Text

“The things I do for that blockhead,” Venti mutters, trudging through wet sand when it’s far too early to be up. A few paces ahead, Childe is ankle-deep in the water (the cuff of his pants rolled up halfway to his shins), digging through the sand.

He plucks out a shell, and squints at it against the sun. “It’s not blue enough,” he complains.

“Why am I here again?” Venti wonders aloud, mostly to himself. Childe doesn’t seem to have heard him, occupied with sand-shopping. Venti watches him pick up a crab by the claw, make a face at it, and toss it into the water.

He’s nuts. Perfect for that blockhead.

Well, at least he’s not in Xiao's position right now. Morax had dropped by in the middle of the night to wake Xiao up to collect violetgrass with him, because apparently the fragrance of the flower is best just before dawn blah blah blah, and Xiao didn’t have the heart to refuse.

But Venti couldn’t go back to sleep after that because Morax kidnapped his bedmate, so he had no choice but to go on a walk. Where he runs into and then gets kidnapped by Morax’s bedmate.

This is unacceptable. Now, because of these two idiots, his quality cuddling time with Xiao is being compromised. Venti has to get Morax and Childe together as soon as possible.

“Hey, Venti, what do you think of this?” Childe holds a shell out to him.

“It’s fine,” Venti says, “It’s a good shell.”

“Hm,” Childe squints at it. “Yeah, it’s okay… but not the best. I bet there’s a better shell elsewhere.”

He wanders off ahead, already sifting through more sand, and Venti closes his eyes. The sea breeze is rather nice, he supposes, even if the sea is still a little restless. 

(Osial is a little cranky with Venti around, but not like he can do anything about it! He’s just annoyed that Venti is Morax’s friend, but they don’t have personal grudges against each other. Still, being sealed for a few thousand years must suck, he supposes, and Venti can be a little sympathetic to that - even if Osial keeps trying to kill people.)
“Come on, I’ll play you a little something,” Venti says, when the wave that crashes by his feet seems a little more miffed than usual. “Any song requests?”

A pause.

"Nothing? Oh, well." He pulls out his flute. “You wouldn’t happen to be able to shove the perfect starconch shell Childe’s way, would you? I really want to go back to take a nap.”

Wave crash. Oops. Now Venti is sure Osial is going to sweep away any nice looking shell from the shore.

“Aw, come on. Giving him the shell is the key to getting us to leave as soon as possible so it's in your favor to do so. Anyways, I don’t know what your favorite songs are, so I’ll just play you the ones that Morax really hates. How does that sound?”

A hydro bubble pops near the surface. Eh, good enough.

Venti’s the god of anemo and song, after all, so he’s perfectly capable of manipulating winds and sound any way he wishes. One would think that playing music would distract Venti from his surroundings, but really, he’s perfectly capable of paying attention to both himself and his periphery at the same time.

The same can’t be said for regular people (even musical-aligned anemo vision users like Xiao or part-abyssal-not-quite-humans like Morax’s favorite Abyss-boy or Venti’s favorite Khaenri’ahn), who can’t really occupy their mind with two or more sounds at once.

Childe is singing along (or rather making up the words and singing along) to Venti’s playing, which is why he doesn’t notice the rumbling of century-old machinery, grinding sand and gears whirring.

Venti does. He stops playing. "Oh dear." 

Childe snaps to attention. "Ruin guards?!"

The ground starts shaking.

"Why are there ruin guards here?!" 

Venti scans the shoreline. One, two, three, oh-boy, four!

"Shit," Childe says. 

Ruin Guards are no trouble for Venti, of course, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't curious about Childe's fighting prowess. The Eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui that had Morax's affection but more importantly Xiao's begrudging acknowledgement (not that Xiao would ever admit it. It took a bottle of wine and a serenade for Xiao to start complaining about Morax and his choices.). 

"Oh no," Venti says, making no move to run away. "I'm just a little wandering bard-!"

Childe quickly shoves Venti behind him. "Don't worry, I'll handle this." He draws his bow and gets into a battle stance.

The four Ruin Guards lumber towards them. It's almost comedic, them being far clumsier than Venti remembers from the years half-buried in the sand.

And then they begin releasing missiles one after another.

Childe grabs Venti by the waist and sprints out of range of the weapons. He deposits Venti on the ground with a surprising amount of gentleness for the abrupt manhandling.

"Stay here, okay?" He says, grinning. "Xiao is going to kill me if something happens to you. I'll take care of the guards so they don't bother some unsuspecting traveller."

"Hey!" Venti hollers after him. "Zhongli is going to kill me if I let something happen to you!"

"Relax! I'm a Fatui Harbinger! Four ruin guards are nothing!"

Venti gapes at him. He appreciates it, he really does, and it’s a rather sweet gesture that Childe is willing to face certain death to save Venti. He knows that Childe can certainly defeat several ruin guards at once, but he also knows from Aether that the ugly abyssal transformation (what was it he called it? Foul Legacy?) is a real bitch.

If Venti lets Childe use it for the third time in a row, Zhongli will bury him next to Osial. (Who sounds rather amused now, the little shit. Venti flips the ocean the bird and gets a salty spray of water to the face for his efforts.)

So obviously he ignores Childe's self-proclaimed assessment and runs straight back towards the battle.

"What are you doing here?" Childe yells, dodging a spray of bullets. 

Venti says, "To make sure you don’t do anything stupid!”

Childe looks like he’d retort, but he’s too busy sprinting around to reply. Venti watches... in abject dismay as Childe shoots four arrows with his bow, and all four arrows consecutively miss. And then Childe has to leap out of the way to dodge another barrage of missiles.

"Celestia," Venti curses, as Childe throws the fifth arrow like a javelin. The arrow (fortunately) hits the eye of the Ruin Guard. It staggers in place, but there's no opportunity to take advantage of its weakness as two others take its place with their heavy swings.

"Fuck," Childe says, fingers twitching towards his delusion.

"Oh no, don't you dare!" Venti yells.

Childe spins around. “Wh-”

"Shit! Look out!"

Childe whirls around, face-to-face with a bomb barrelling straight towards him-

-And then a wind current bursts under his feet, tossing him high into the air, right before the missiles explode right where he had been standing.

Childe is midair for five terrifying seconds before he drops down on the scorched sand.

"You okay?" Venti is next to him. When did he get so close? That was him, wasn't it? 

"Thanks," Childe says, breathless.  

Venti raises an arm, and a huge swirl of anemo bursts under the ruin guards. They swivel around, briefly disoriented, and bump into each other.

That, Childe thinks a little hysterically, is an insane amount of anemo power.

He wants to spar with Venti now. Will Xiao kill him?

"Don't use your delusion, or that damn abyssal transformation," Venti scolds, "Zhongli will kill me."

Childe gapes. Did Aether or Xiao tell him about that?! "Wh-"

"And," Venti continues scolding him, far too calm for this situation, “your archery is horrendous. I’m surprised Zhongli hasn’t tried to train that out of you yet!” 

Wh- wait, huh? Can… can Zhongli use a bow? Well, it makes sense since he’s a few thousand years old and a god of war , that’s really hot, and- “-Incoming!”

Another anemo current tosses Childe upside-down into the air. He lands very ungracefully in the sand after that, and Venti touches down on the tips of his toes, looking at Childe with amusement.

And then Venti pulls out a large - and frankly, gorgeous - bow.

“Oh,” Childe breathes. Venti is an archer?

Venti nocks three arrows at the same time, draws his bow, and shoots three separate ruin guards straight in their eyes.

Childe's jaw drops.

"Oops," Venti says, like Childe wouldn't kill for even a fraction of that sharpshooting ability. "I can't quite put too much power in a triple shot like that."

He aims, fires again, and an anemo-infused arrow splits straight through an eye. The ruin guard sparks, lets out a dying whine, and clatters to the ground.

"Oh Tsaritsa," Childe says.

"Please don't say her name," Venti shudders. Then, "ever hit a spinning ruin guard?"

Childe's eyes twinkle. "No! Show me!"

Venti giggles. "Since you asked so nicely." He tracks the spinning Guard, fires, and snipes it's eye mid-spin.

Childe cannot stop the exclamation that escapes him. "Holy Ts- Barbatos!"

Venti glances at him, amused. "What?"

"You're from Mondstadt, right?" Childe says. "Barbatos is your god- oh! That one's firing!"

Venti quickly shoots it in the eye, interrupting it's aim.

"Wow," Childe says. "I underestimated you. I guess Xiao wouldn't pick a weak defenseless boyfriend."

"Aww, thank you," Venti says. Childe watches as he shoots a few more arrows, momentarily disabling the remaining three automations.

And Childe realizes that he's the one being carried in this fight.

“Do you want me to take care of the rest of them?” He offers.

“Yes please, thank you!” Venti says. “My arms are tired.”

That’s a big, fat lie and the both of them know it. 

Childe draws his hydro blades and makes quick work of the guards. They fall apart into heaps of scrap, and Childe digs out their glowing circuits. He’s not sure why Aether collects them religiously, but there’s no harm in just tossing them over to him since Childe doesn’t have a use for them himself.

“Now that’s settled,” Venti says, stretching. “Let’s get more starconches!”

Chapter Text

The rest of the trip is rather uneventful - nothing can beat the excitement of running afoul of four Ruin Guards. Childe seems somewhat antsy from the interaction, but it might be the reeling experience of near death, Venti doesn’t know. He tries to cheer Childe up with a song, but he seems to be contemplating something.

If anything, they’ve managed to pacify Osial a bit, which may bode well for their starconch collecting efforts. (No perfect starconch has presented itself to them so far, but the sea breeze feels significantly nicer.) 

Watching Childe try to shoot a bow, Osial tells him gleefully, is the best entertainment he’s gotten in years. That, and Ruin Guards were initially manufactured to be Khaenri’ah’s feared God Killing Machines after all, and having so many at once in his domain - dormant or not - was terribly upsetting.

Speaking of, Venti needs to thank Aether (again) for clearing the Ruin Machines around the Mondstadtian area. Not that Venti wouldn’t do it if he really wanted to… but it was just easier to have Aether and other adventurers help out! 

Although Aether hoarded Ruin circuitry like gold - Venti has to watch out for that. He’s fairly certain that he doesn’t know about the origin and the potential of the Ruin Machines yet, but given his interest in them, or if he ever happens to run into Lumine…

Well it’s a good thing that Aether has been bringing the other Mondstadtian fighters out to domains with him, so everyone knows how to handle the Ruin Machines by themselves. (If the time ever comes for a need to, that is. Not like Venti is counting! Ehe.)

"Hey, Venti," Childe says, almost nervous for some reason. "Do you fight?" 

"Hmm," Venti says, tapping his chin. His flute leaves his hand and vanishes in a shower of sparkles. "I suppose I can, if the situation calls for it."

"Would you like to spar?"

"No,” Venti says seriously, “I would not.” First of all, Morax will get Mondstadt a new anemo archon if Venti harms a hair on Childe’s stupid orange head. And second of all, Venti’s not exactly in a hurry to fight another harbinger anytime soon. 

“Aww, come on,” Childe whines . “I love sparring all sorts of strong opponents, and I really think you’re going to be a really good fight!”

“Yeah, uh, I don't really like fighting outside of when I really need to," Venti says. "It was more of a necessity than for fun, where I came from."

"Oh," Childe says, suddenly somber. "Yeah. I understand."

Venti brings out his lyre this time, so he can strum a calming tune and still speak. "May we be kindred spirits after all?" 

"Well, I doubt your situation is anything like mine," Childe says a little awkwardly. 

Venti's eyes glitter. "I'd bet."

Childe laughs a little, higher pitched this time. “Yeah. It’s… yeah.”

Venti hums in assent but doesn’t ask more. He supposes a regular person might be prodding with more curious questions, but it’s not like Venti’s fishing for any information. And also Zhongli might hit him if he makes Childe sad.

They lapse into silence for a bit. Venti picks up a starconch. Oh, no, there’s a chip on the side. He tosses it hard into the ocean. A rather disdainful hydro bubble pops at his feet, splashing ocean water at him.

“Hey,” Childe suddenly says. “The… you know about my Foul Legacy transformation, right? You called it the… abyssal transformation.”

“I do,” Venti confirms. 

“Did, um, Xiao or Aether tell you about it?”

“Aether did,” Venti lies. As long as Zhongli gives him free passage through Liyue, Venti didn’t need a messenger. Wind travels everywhere, after all. “He was recounting his adventures in Liyue when he went back to Mondstadt, and he brought it up.”

"Previously," Childe blurts, "when we were at Wangshu Inn, with Xiao. I remember- you said I wasn't. Human. Is that what you meant?" Childe fiddles with his glove. “That I’m… Abyss.”

"Yeah," Venti says. He strums a little tune but the tense line on Childe's shoulders don't loosen. "I don't mean anything bad by that, I'm sorry."

Childe sags. "Do you think Zhongli is put off by this?"

Venti pictures the stupid marriage dowry chopsticks. "No, I don't think he is. He's not human either. If anything, I think this makes you both a more suitable match."

"Well, if you say so," Childe says, sighing. "The abyss isn't exactly good news. I mean he didn't stop being friends with me even though he knew I was tainted-"

Venti whacks him on the head with his harp.

"Ow!" Childe pouts at him. "What did you do that for!" 

"The abyss is just a place," Venti points out. "All places have good and bad things about them. Ballads sing about the land of sinners but stories are just stories. Just because you’re tied to the abyss, it doesn't mean you're evil."

Childe frowns. "I mean…"

"Don't go saying all that out loud!" Venti wags a finger at him. God forbid that he, Kaeya and Albedo ever meet. Venti does not need them all having existential crises at once.

"I'm not the one going round telling people! It’s just… not exactly public knowledge.” Childe rubs the back of his head. “And you sound like you know it, uh, makes me a little uncomfortable. I’m not exactly going round broadcasting my weaknesses to my enemies!”

Venti snorts. A little uncomfortable . That’s an understatement if he’s heard any. Venti had to stop Zhongli from breaking down Mondstadt's walls and shaking Venti’s resident Khaenri’ahns down for Abyssal cure-alls. Hey! For the better good of Teyvat, Venti has to keep the both of them happy and healthy in his little windmill city! Having a foreign god come to interrogate them would just spook them! Don't tap on the glass, easily startled! 

Childe looks embarrassed. “I’m fine! It’s fine. I know how to regulate my power. It just catches me off guard sometimes.”

“You should take better care of yourself,” Venti tells him. “Zhongli will be mad at me if I brought you home with a single missing hair.”

“Aww, Zhongli wouldn’t.” Great, now he sounds bashful. “He may nag a little, but I can’t imagine him ever getting mad. He’s always so composed, and serious…”

“ Composed ,” Venti snickers.

Osial guffaws. A cackling wave crashes by the nearby rocks, making Childe startle a little. 

“Oh!” Childe says, like he just remembered something. “You said… Zhongli can use a bow?”

“He trained in all weaponry styles,” Venti confirms. When you’re alive for several centuries and you live through a war, well, you pick up all sorts of things so you have options if you’re ever caught in a pinch. Venti’s bow is the weapon he holds most fondly, but he’s actually the most proficient in the catalyst, given that he’s quite literally a being of elemental energy.

“He’s using a polearm now,” Venti recounts, “but it’s a recent switch. He practices with his different weapons every few decades so he doesn’t get rusty.”

“Ah!” Childe sounds absolutely delighted. “That’s why I’m using a bow! I’m the worst at it, you see, so I use it as my main weapon so I can practice more with it!”

“Yeah,” Venti nods. Absolutely perfect for each other.

“Oh! Oh! Did Xiao ever tell you what weapon Zhongli used in the Archon War?” Childe bounces on his feet.

“Well,” Venti says, tapping his chin. “I guess I would say that the nearest approximation would be a catalyst, but he didn’t exactly use one in the modern sense.”

Childe makes a noise of confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Venti says, “he threw giant rocks at people.”

People like Venti. 

Osial lets out a rather spiteful huff.

“You know, I realize I haven’t really thanked you properly for everything you’re helping me do. Well, I’m a Harbinger, I’m not really good at gifts, and I usually thank people with Mora-”

Oh, yes please!

“-but Aether was trying to tell me that Mora is a really impersonal and superficial gift, so I won’t.”

No! No!! Aether, why?!

“-but Zhongli told me that you’re the kind to enjoy a good drink, so what do you say that we go to a tavern? Drinks on me!” Childe looks at Venti hopefully.

“My good friend, you had me at drinks!” Venti cheers. 

Childe beams at him. “Great! I’d extend the offer to Xiao too, but I don’t suppose he would want to come to a tavern?”

“Nah, he doesn’t even drink,” Venti shakes his head. “Well, not unless I ask him too, but he’s a lightweight and he gets all cuddly afterwards- oops, don’t tell him I said that! Ehe.”

A smile quirks up on Childe’s lips. “Well, a night at a tavern for the both of us, plus a few more bottles for you to take back to share with him if you want.”

“Yeah! Oh, but let’s shake on it and make it a contract, so Zhongli doesn’t try to talk you out of it later, hah!”

Finally, finally , they do find that perfect starconch.

It’s after hours of wandering knee-deep in wet sand in circles does Venti finally threaten the ocean that he’d rip a typhoon to carry all the Ruin Machines from Dragonspine and plop them onto Guyun, that Osial hurls a shell towards them.

At them.

At Venti, in the head.

“Ow!”

“Oh my god,” Childe runs up to him. “Venti, are you okay?”

“Ow,” Venti repeats, more miserably.

“That was a really huge wave,” Childe says, brow furrowed, as he pulls Venti (now soaking wet in seawater) to his feet. “In fact, the water has been pretty choppy today… I guess Osial’s reawakening still has its repercussions, huh.”

Venti glares at him.

“My bad.”

Venti rubs his head. He’s pretty sure he felt a solid object hit him with the water, but…

“Hey, what’s that?” Childe sifts through something poking out of the sand, and pulls out… a starconch shell. It glints in the sunlight, its shell glossy and smooth, and Venti’s heart soars. This is it!

“Oh, wow,” Childe says, turning the shell over in awe. “This is really pretty.”

It is! It’s mostly blue and white patterned as starconches are, and the star in the middle is a little mishappen… but the highlight is the glint of gold on the shell that falls just in the shape of a diamond, reminiscent of Zhongli’s geo sigil.

Venti watches Childe come to the same conclusion as he is, thumb brushing against the gold diamond, a stupid smile on his face.

“Aw, you sap,” Venti teases (the both of them).

The ocean remains suspiciously silent.

“I think this got washed up when that giant wave hit you,” Childe says.

“What a coincidence.”

“I think this is it,” Childe says with a flourish. “Let’s go back to Liyue Harbour! I want to start on the jewellery piece as soon as possible!”

Chapter Text

Venti returns to the Liyue Harbour to a ridiculously hilarious sight.

Xiao, hunched over a small pot at the back of Wanmin Restaurant, cutting an octopus tentacle with painfully precise chops. Zhongli, doing his very best to show Venti’s poor boyfriend some moral support and sitting right next to him, wincing every time the chef’s knife clicks against the chopping board.

Venti’s glad that Childe ran off to the jeweler’s the very moment they set foot back on Liyue harbor. 

“Venti,” Xiangling says, who had pulled him towards the restaurant the very moment she spied him all the way down the street. “ Why is one of Liyue’s adepti and Mr Zhongli cooking in my kitchen? ”

Venti slow-blinks at her. “Did you ask Zhongli?”

Xiangling nods frantically. “Mr Zhongli said he wanted to borrow out kitchen to make something for Mr Childe, which is very sweet and all, and he said he brought a friend to help him but-” her voice cracks, “ why is Mr Zhongli friends with the Guardian Yaksha Xiao? Why is the Guardian Yaksha Xiao helping him cook ?”

Venti can only pat her on the shoulder. “I have no idea.”

From around the corner, Chef Mao peeks out, frazzled. “I need to go get my good knife.”

“Papa, the Guardian Yaksha Xiao is using your good knife!”

Venti pokes his head out of the back door where the two are seated.

Xiao looks up at him, not quite pouting but very close. 

“Xiao,” Venti says, trying not to laugh. “Have you ever cut anything - not with a polearm - before?”

Xiao looks down at the chopping board, where he’s managed to cut six tiny and impressively equidistant slices of octopus in the few minutes that Venti arrived at Wanmin. “I don’t even eat,” he says miserably.

Zhongli’s fingers twitch - but it seems that even the ex-Geo Archon has his limits.

“Alright, give me the knife.”

“You don’t cook,” Zhongli says, squinting suspiciously at him.

“Well, no,” Venti can admit that, “but I’m good with my hands! Xiao can attest to that-”

Xiao lets out a strangled sound, face red.

“-everytime I come visit him with the wine I steal from Master Diluc, haha! I have to be quick in the act or I’ll get caught!”

Zhongli looks at him, unimpressed.

“Well, I have to say that my success rate has gone up exponentially higher ever since he found out I was you-know-who,” Venti muses. “Oh well.” 

He grabs the knife from Xiao and decimates the rest of the octopus in quick, uneven slices. Zhongli makes a mournful sound at the loss of his perfect presentation, but if he wants to complain, then he can do the cutting next time.

“Thank you, Venti,” Zhongli says, sounding just as miserable as Xiao is now.

“I’m giving this knife back to Chef Mao,” Venti tells him. “Also, Zhongli - the chopsticks? Really?”

Zhongli glares at him. 

Chef Mao hands Venti a plate of almond tofu in exchange for his knife. 

Xiangling is vibrating by the doorway. “Venti,” she hisses, “ you know the Guardian Yaksha Xiao?”

Venti smiles at her. “We’re acquainted.”

“But-” Xiangling’s eyes flick to the back door, and then - for some inexplicable reason, blushes . Venti blinks in surprise, but then Xiangling says, “Are you the... the boyfriend ?”

Venti stares at her, surprised. “What? Who knows?”

“Um, uh, uh, Hu Tao!" Xiangling bursts into flames. And then sprints away.

Strangely enough, Childe runs into Aether and Paimon at Mingxing Jewelry. He never took Aether for any kind of jewelry person, and turns out his suspicions were proven correct, when Xingxi pulls out, from under the counter, of all things - weapon prototypes.

Childe says, “what.”

“Oh, hello,” Aether says to Childe, as he takes the weapon from Xingxi. Behind him, Paimon waves.

“Since when does a jewelry shop sell weapon prototypes?”

Xingxi shrugs. “We carry many things.”

“Like weapon prototypes?” Did Master Zhang know that Mingxing Jewelry was on track to put his smithy out of business?

“Just one of each type, though,” Aether says, sighing. “I need to forge more weapons, but these prototypes are so hard to find.”

Chile understands, he supposes. Someone who fights as much as him would likely have tons of wear and tear on his weaponry. Luckily he only needs to replace his bowstring every so often, and his swords are made of water.

“Oh!” Aether says, turning back to Xingxi. “Can I get some mora too?”

Childe proceeds to witness the second most confusing transaction in his life. Aether hands over a bundle of geo sigils, and Xingxi hands over… mora.

Childe repeats, “what.”

Aether gives him a confused look. “Have you never traded your sigils in for anything before?”

“Wh- no??? I didn’t even know they were worth anything!”

“Give it to us if you don’t want to use yours!” Paimon pipes up. 

Aether scolds, “Paimon!”

Childe scrunches up his face. “I… sure?”

“Yeah!” Paimon does a somersault, and raises her hand for a hi-five. Aether looks at her, unimpressed.

“So,” Aether prompts politely, after several seconds of silence as Childe stares at the Mingxing Jewelry storefront sign wondering if there was a secret catalogue of sorts behind it, “did you need me for anything, Childe?”

“What? I… oh! I wasn’t looking for you, actually. I was… here.” He digs out the starconch shell and places it on the counter. Xingxi, Aether and Paimon lean over to look at it, and Xingxi makes an impressed noise. 

“It’s lustre is incredible,” she says.

“Yeah?” Childe grins. “Can I commission jewelry with it? Earrings, specifically.”

Xingxi asks, “is this for Mister Zhongli?” The very same time Paimon asks, “oh, for your courting gift?” And the two of them stare at each other, and giggle.

For some reason, hearing the words Zhongli and courting makes a warm feeling bubble up in Childe’s chest. “It is, actually.”

Xingxi quickly snatches up the shell and holds it to the light. “Yes, yes, I see it now... “

“I also picked up some cor lapis on the way,” Childe says. He’d actually picked it up a few weeks ago when he was on a fatui training expedition with the recruits. There was a particularly glowy chunk of cor lapis that made him instantly think of Zhongli’s eyes, so he decided to (ask one of the Fatui Vanguards to hammer away at it so that he could) take it home. Shortly after that Zhongli had expertly dropped the bomb about Venti and Xiao when Childe tried asking him out on a date, so it had remained sadly in his room for the time being. 

Xingxi’s eyes glitter. “Any specifications for the design, sir?”

“Hm… Any way you can put a miniature Rex Lapis exuvia on one of the earrings?”

She taps her chin. “I do have some miniatures in stock…”

“Oh and put a narwhal on the other!”

“That’d cost extra.”

“Done.”

“You can come back next week,” she says, “but I’ll send a notice to the Northland bank if I complete it earlier.”

“So,” Aether says, after Childe forks over his initial deposit and Paimon suggests they get a snack, “I see you’ve made some progress with Zhongli.”

Paimon has darted forward to Wanmin in excitement, claiming that all the adventuring made her hungry. No doubt that she’d already be halfway through her third dish by the time Childe and Aether stroll all the way over there. 

“Venti has been a great help,” Childe says. “He’s a little odd at times, though. Did you know he can fight?”

“He was one of the people that helped me subdue Stormterror in Mondstadt,” Aether says. “I’m sure I’ve told you about it.”

“You have,” Childe says. “We accidentally ran into ruin guards at Guyun. Venti is intense. Did you know he can shoot three arrows at once? And they all don’t miss?!”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it.” Aether’s smile turns mischievous for a second. “It sounds like Venti was doing all the hard hitting.”

“Wh- hey! Not all my arrows miss!”

“Sure, I believe you,” Aether says, hiding a smile behind his hand, obviously not believing Childe for a second. 

“Shut up, comrade,” Childe elbows him. “I really want to spar with him, but he said no. Maybe I’ll ask him again in the future… or at least have some form of archery competition with him. After I get a little bit of practice done.”

“He might not want to spar with you like I do,” Aether warns. “I don’t think he has fond memories of Harbingers.”

“Wh…” Another Harbinger? But Venti was from Mondstadt- oh! “Oh my god, he met Signora? That’s terrible! I thought Signora would just stay incognito and not harass random bards in town but knowing her, she probably just stubbed her toe and wanted to vent her frustration on something.”

Aether suddenly looks confused. “Wait, you don’t know-”

“Heeey!” Paimon suddenly appears in front of them, screeching to a stop. “I don’t want to go to Wanmin anymore!”

Aether blinks at her. “Huh... huh?”

“I want to eat Crystal Shrimp from Xinyue Kiosk instead!” She says, flapping her arms. “Come on, come on!”

“Um…” Aether glances at Childe for confirmation.

“Trying to bleed my wallet dry, Paimon?” Childe rolls his eyes. “Fine, fine. Come on, then.” 

Luckily they haven’t gone far from Mingxing because Xinyue Kiosk is right behind them. He sees Paimon whisper something to Aether as he walks to the hostess to enquire about a table, but she’s probably just rattling off the menu from memory.

She reminds him so much of Teucer. Childe just can’t stay mad at her.

Chapter Text

“A-ha!” Hu Tao snaps her fingers just as Childe strolls into Wangsheng Funeral Parlour in the evening, after sending Aether off to go to Yujing Terrace to raid the silkflower bushes. He’s been collecting many of them lately. Apparently, they’re Xingqiu’s favorite flower.  

Why everyone apparently has a favorite flower is beyond him. Is that a normal thing to have? Childe doesn't have a favorite flower… maybe he should get one?

Hu Tao waves at him as she spies him. “Right on time, Mr Childe!  I bet you’re here for my employee.” 

“Ah… haha, yeah,” Childe rubs the back of his head. “Is he in?”

Hu Tao stares at him for a short moment. “I’ll let him off work early if you guess which room he’s in! But you have to stand at that same spot you’re at now, and no elemental sight!”

Childe looks at her suspiciously. “Really?”

She grins. “Have I ever lied?”

“Hm…” Childe says. He surveys the lobby of Wangsheng. There’s only one visible room from where he’s standing which is the tea room for entertaining guests, but it’s obviously empty. The back storage area is pretty large (it has to be, given that coffins are usually people-sized and a funeral parlour stocks many of them), but Zhongli could also be in his own office, the bathroom, the preparation room, or in the outdoor garden at the back of the parlour, or…

Hu Tao claps. “Time’s running out! 5!” 

“What? You never said-”

“4!”

“-that there’s a time limit-”

“3!”

“Okay, okay! He’s in the storage room!” That took up the most space in the parlour so he was statistically most likely to be there, right?

“Wrong!’ Hu Tao crosses her arms, grinning. “Now I’m going to give him overtime.”

“No!” Childe gapes, waving his arms frantically. “Give me a second guess! He’s in the garden!” Zhongli was going to be disappointed at him if Childe was the reason he had to work overtime!

And then Hu Tao doubles over, cackling. “Hahah, look at your face! I wish I had one of those Kameras on me right now! I’m just messing with you. He took leave today.”

Childe glares at Hu Tao in abject betrayal. His emotional distress! 

Then, “he took leave? Where did he go?”

Hu Tao snaps to him suddenly. “He didn’t tell you?”

Childe looks at her suspiciously. “...No.”

“Oh! Oh!” Hu Tao gasps. “He’s keeping secrets from you!”

Childe gasps as well. “No!”

“Oh no!”

“Oh no!”

“Oh n- nah I’m messing with you again. He told me to tell you to go to Wanmin when you came over.”

Childe splashes water over her.

It's not exactly uncharacteristic of Zhongli to head on over to Wanmin early, but Childe would be lying if he said he wasn't the least bit suspicious. 

Was Hu Tao right? Is Zhongli hiding something from him?

No, no. That couldn’t be.

But Zhongli does have a track record of hiding things from Childe…

What could he be hiding? Did he have some bad news? Would he somehow have another archon reveal? No, how would that be possible-

“Hey, Childe!”

Wanmin comes into view as Childe rounds the corner. Venti is there, waving… is that Xiao with him? Aww, are they on a date?

“Fancy seeing you two here,” Childe says, as they walk up to him. Xiao gives him a flat stare in greeting. 

Venti giggles. “Hi, Childe!”

“I’m supposed to meet Zhongli here,” Childe says. He cranes his head to look at the tables, but Zhongli’s not at their usual seats. Strange. 

“Yeah, we know,” Venti says, looking at Xiao with a grin. “We are under explicit instructions not to crash your dinner date this time round, so we’ll leave you be!” 

That’s when Childe notices takeout boxes tucked under one of Venti’s arms. “Oh. Hope you two have a nice night.”

“We sure will,” Venti giggles again. “Hope you two have a nice night, too!”

Before Childe can reply, Venti is dragging Xiao down the road until they’re by the teleport point. Before Childe wonders if they can use it, there’s a huge gust of wind blasting into his face that forces him to turn away. When his vision clears, the pair are gone, with just a little ball of swirling wind the only indicator that they were once there, but it quickly dissipates in the evening air.

“Huh,” Childe says. He doesn’t suppose that happens whenever Aether teleports. They must have gone via whatever Xiao’s adepti anemo powers were, then. 

And then Xiangling pops up, her face barely peeking out of the kitchen counter window. It’s startlingly red. “Are they gone?”

“What? You mean Xiao and Venti?”

“Mhm,” she says ducking further in. 

Childe raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, they teleported away.”

“Oh thank god.” Xiangling lets out a sigh of relief. “Mr Childe, Mr Childe, did you know Venti is the Guardian Yaksha Xiao’s boyfriend ?!”

“Huh, I suppose that wouldn’t be common knowledge,” Childe muses. “Yeah, I did.”

“Oh my god,” Xiangling somehow turns even redder. “I can’t believe it. It’s true.”

“What?” Childe is amused. Was there a rumour going around about Xiao’s boyfriend? At least he’s not the only outsider being gossiped about? “Where did you hear that from?”

“It’s Hu Tao,” Xiangling says. “I thought she was just speaking nonsense again… oh no… now I have to tell her she’s right…”

“What?” This story keeps getting better. “How did Hu Tao know?”

“She’s friends with the Guardian Yaksha Xiao,” Xiangling just shrugs like it’s obvious, but it’s the one fact she’s said so far today that Childe doesn’t know about.

He splutters with laughter. “Since when did that happen?”

“She tried to invite him to be her business partner,” Xiangling says, and yeah, Childe can imagine Hu Tao trying to do just that. “So she went to Wangshu Inn to find him. But apparently he doesn’t kill humans, only demons, and there isn’t profit in burying slimes or hilichurls… but she claims they became friends afterwards. And she always uses that as an excuse to tell people silly things about Guardian Yaksha Xiao, like how he likes to pick flowers, he only eats one thing, and that he has a boyfriend!” Xiangling stomps her foot, and then falters, like she’s re-evaluating her whole worldview. “Well I guess the last thing is true…”

“Um, all of them are true,” Childe says. “He picks flowers for Venti, and he apparently only eats Almond Tofu.”

“Oh my god,” Xiangling buries her face in her hands. 

“Well I guess it makes sense,” Childe muses, “I would say I can’t imagine Xiao being friends with someone like Hu Tao… but he’s dating Venti after all, and Hu Tao is a lot like him.”

“I guess that is true,” Xiangling says.

“Oh, yeah,” Childe says. “Have you seen Zhongli? I’m supposed to meet him-”

“-I’m in here, Childe,” a familiar voice says, travelling from the Wanmin kitchen. “Why don’t you take a seat and wait from me?”

“Zhongli?” Childe blinks in surprise. “Are you in the kitchen-”

“Sit down outside, Childe.”

Childe sits down.

Xiangling giggles. “I’ll be out with your dishes soon, Mr Childe! Give me a moment.”

What is happening?!

“This looks like a good spot.”

Xiao protests, “Venti-”

“Ah ah ah,” Venti says, wagging a finger at him. He sits down, and very soon after Xiao sighs and sits down gingerly next to him, just as Venti begins arranging the takeout boxes. But first things first, he uncorks the bottle of osmanthus wine that Chef Mao very graciously gave away for free to the Guardian Yaksha Xiao and his significant other. Isn’t it great having a famous boyfriend?

“We shouldn’t be spying on them,” Xiao says. Wanmin restaurant is a speck in the distance from where they’re sitting in the mountaintops overlooking Liyue Harbour, but the both of them can still clearly see the dining area with their non-human eyesight. If Zhongli looks up he would be able to spot them, but hopefully he's too enamoured staring into Childe's eyes to look away. Venti manipulates the winds to carry their voices over.

“Come on, don’t you want to know what happens?” Venti cajoles.

“You wouldn’t want Lord Morax to spy on us when we’re on dates,” Xiao reasons.

“Ugh, I hate it when you make sense, babe,” Venti says. “But don’t you think I deserve to, after being dragged around these past few days?!”

“Mhm, you’ve worked hard.”

“So hard, Xiao! I’m overworked, exhausted to the bone! Don’t you think I deserve a little kiss for my efforts?”

“Hmmmm.”

“Xiao!”

Childe panics.

“One minute, Childe,” Zhongli calls.

One minute. Surely Childe can wait one minute without combusting with embarrassment, right?

Xiangling places two cups of tea on the table and quickly hurries away, giggling. The restaurant begins filling near dinnertime, with curious passers-by glancing over at Childe, likely wondering where Zhongli is.

And then Zhongli emerges from the kitchen… holding a pot?

“Hope you haven’t been waiting long,” Zhongli says, smiling warmly.

“Did… did you cook?” Childe barely manages to squeak out.

“I did,” Zhongli says. He sets the pot on the table with a steady hand.

Whispers are erupting around them. Childe can’t focus on any of them - all he hears is his heart pounding in his ears. “You cooked… for me?”

“I did,” Zhongli repeats, now looking a little amused.

“Zhongli!” Childe says, his voice coming out more emotional than he planned it to be. “You’re the best.” Even when he didn’t like what Childe made for him, he still went out of his way to make something too! Childe wants to… wants to… cook for him forever! 

“I am only returning the favor,” Zhongli says. “You cooked for me as well.”

“But you never got to eat that dish!” Childe sniffs. “But don’t worry, I’ll savour every single last bit of this!”

“You don’t even know what it is yet.”

“It doesn’t matter! I’d like it regardless because it came from you!”

Childe’s fingers reach for the pot lid, almost trembling with anticipation, like he’s about to unwrap a present. With careful fingers he takes the handle, lifts up the pot lid…

...and immediately drops it.

Zhongli snatches it out of the air before it can fall and splatter into the food. The expression on his face is both confused and upset and Childe immediately wants to kiss it off of him. “Childe, what’s wrong?”

“This… this is seafood.”

“I know,” Zhongli says, and then he places one large hand over Childe’s own on the table.

Childe’s heart stops.

“Is there something wrong?”

“But…” Childe looks down to the pot - steaming chopped octopus stewed in a creamy violetgrass and jueyun chili broth - and back up at Zhongli. “You hate seafood.”

“I do,” Zhongli says. “But you like seafood, so-”

“I like you so much!” Childe blurts, emotion bursting in his heart.

Zhongli smiles at him, and it’s like the sun. “I like you too, Childe.”

“You don’t understand!” Childe wails even louder. “I like-like you!”

"Me as well, Childe," Zhongli says, far too calm.

Childe wants to bury himself in Guyun. How can he get the message across that this expression of his affections is in no way platonic and very much romantic?!

Zhongli smiles at him, all warm and sincere. “Would you like to try my cooking, Childe? Although, I have to admit that it was not all from my effort alone. Chef Mao and Xiangling were kind enough to lend me Wanmin’s kitchen for the afternoon, and I had actually requested help from Xiao and Venti to help me with the dish here today.”

Was that why Xiao and Venti were here just now? Venti is a very busy person, helping Childe find starconches in the morning and cooking in the afternoon. Childe is going to get him a lifetime’s supply of drinks.

“Would you like me to explain the dish to you?” Zhongli says, and then begins to explain anyways - which is good because Childe doesn’t think he can manage a coherent answer anytime soon. “Xiangling described the recipe you have tried to prepare for me that night - I have made some minor modifications to it. Violetgrass is a very fragrant herb that I believe will add some body to the flavour. I have found that to preserve it’s fragrance for the longest time, the best time to pick violetgrass would be just before dawn-”

He continues rambling on, speaking about the chilis and calla lilies and how he preferred seafood when it was chopped up into tiny tiny bits...

Did Zhongli just say he woke up in the middle of the night to pick violetgrass…. for him?

“I would love to try your cooking,” Childe says, voice wavering.

Zhongli carefully stirs the stew with the serving ladle, and then tops up Childe’s bowl to the brim with steaming soup. It smells amazing .

“Here you go,” Zhongli delicately presses the bowl to Childe’s hands, their fingers brushing again-

“Zhongli!” Childe can’t take this anymore! He needs to confess right now! “I love-”

Zhongli’s eyes widen - No, Nope, Childe can’t do this.

“-this soup so much!”

“OH TSARITSA!”

Venti curses so loud that Xiao spills his almond tofu off the side of the cliff.

Chapter Text

The emissary and secretary of the Liyue Qixing is enjoying a stroll through the bustling crowd of the evening markets when she hears a scream piece through the air.

Ganyu takes into a sprint. People jump out of her way, some waving her by, and Ganyu is there in a flash-

-at the source of the sound, whom is apparently their Snezhnayan diplomat, tears streaming down his face.

...Lord Morax is also here. 

Tartaglia has a bowl of soup in his hands. Through his wails, Ganyu can make out him saying, "I'm just so happy!"

Zhongli is patting him on the back, looking confused, but also smiling. He's not paying attention to her, but Ganyu knows he's probably seen her.

The Wanmin Restaurant waitress, Xiangling creeps up to her. "Lady Emissary," she greets. "Can I, um, help you?"

That's when Ganyu notices the restaurants' patrons abashedly staring at her (with the exception of Tartaglia and Lord Morax, who are gazing into each other's eyes.)

"Oh, hello," Ganyu says. "I didn't mean to startle. I heard a scream from here."

"That's just Mr Childe," Xiangling says, gesturing to Tartaglia. "He got too emotional when he realized that Mr Zhongli cooked for him."

"I see," Ganyu says. 

"They're not causing any trouble," Xiangling reassures her hurriedly. "They come here very often, and they get along well. I know that Mr Childe is a, um, suspicious individual, but he's usually not this rowdy!"

The rowdiness in question is Tartaglia struggling to pick up his soup ingredients with a pair of chopsticks. Ganyu gives herself a moment to observe the theatrics of it, because she's sure she'd never see something quite as entertaining as this in the past week.

"That's alright then," Ganyu says to Xiangling. "I'll take my leave."

She's about to head back when a slightly too sentient breeze tickles her cheek. She tracks it with elemental sight as it blows all the way up into the sky, trailing behind Liyue Harbour and up onto the cliff-

Oh, Xiao is there. And Lord Barbatos - he's waving.

Ganyu doesn't wave back, because it'd be a weird sight for everyone else to see her waving at nothing. She smiles in their direction.

Lord Barbatos waves again, this time more frantically with both arms. And then Ganyu hears his voice in the wind. "Do you mind delivering some almond tofu from Wanmin over? I made Xiao drop his into the ocean!"

Ganyu squints, and yes, that is indeed a pout on Xiao's face.

She hides a giggle behind her hand. "Actually, Xiangling, could I order one - oh, make that two servings of almond tofu for takeaway?"

"Yes! Right away!"

Childe finds himself giggling like Tonia with a crush all the way back to his apartment after dinner. 

Zhongli cooked for him and they sort-of held hands! Zhongli even told Childe that he liked him as a person, which means Childe is on his good side, which means he has a chance!

Zhongli touched his shoulder and scooped soup for him and said, "It makes me happy to see you enjoy this, Childe. I have many dishes I want to prepare for you to try."

Zhongli wants to cook for him again! 

And afterwards they went on a walk outside the city and they sort-of held hands again and then he walked Zhongli back to his house and Zhongli said, “I had a nice time today, Childe, I would love to see you again soon.”

This is the best day of Childe’s life!

He’s smiling so hard his cheeks hurt, and he skips the rest of the way up the stairs.

Vlad and Nadia are milling around the Northland Bank entrance and they startle at his appearance, and Childe is in such a good mood he almost gives them the rest of the day off, but they can’t have the Bank without a guard, and it’s not even Vlad’s shift anyways.

(Seriously, what do they need a guard for? Is Childe not enough of a deterrent to any potential thieves? Who in their right mind would steal from a Harbinger?)

Childe gives them a tip instead. “Buy yourselves something nice,” he giggles. “I’m in a good mood today!”

“Heard you had a nice night, Lord Harbinger,” Nadia said. 

“Ah, those damn Liyuen gossip circles!” Childe isn’t even mad. He did have a nice night! The world should know about it!

“What an idiot,” Xiao muttered.

“I think it’s kind of sweet,” Ganyu said. “Of course as a member of the Qixing I can’t say I approve of any reason that would keep Tartaglia here in Liyue,” she coughs, “but speaking as one of the adepti, myself… I’m happy to know that Lord Morax has found someone who cares so much for him.”

Xiao makes a face, then sighs. “It’s alright,” he acquiesces. 

“It’s adorable,” Lord Barbatos said, smacking his lips. “Although at this rate, it’d take a thousand years for anything to happen!”

“At this rate…?” Ganyu squints. “How long have you been spying on them?”

“Eh,” Lord Barbatos says, gesturing vaguely. “A couple of days.”

Ganyu looks at Xiao, who just shrugs.

“Hmph,” Lord Barbatos huffs. “I bet that little brat hasn’t done his reading. It’s not everyday you get personal advice from the Archon of Wooing Zhongli, you know.”

“Don’t even ask,” Xiao says to her. 

Childe has just settled in to his bed, ready for his sweet sweet dreams of Zhongli to visit once again… when he feels the strangest urge to sit up.

Huh, he thought he closed the windows. Did they blow open? It’s so windy tonight.

Childe makes to close the windows, but a particularly quick gust of wind slips past the crack of the window and throws up some of his paperwork. Childe quickly shuts it and gathers up his stationery.

The wind blew a book onto the floor too. Huh, it’s the book on Liyue Culture.

Oh, right, Venti told him to read Liyue Culture and Customs. What chapter was it again? Chapter… thirty something?

Childe picks it up, and that’s when he notices something sticking from it. It’s a leaf from that cecilia flower Venti wears on his hat doubling as a bookmark.

...Well, he supposes it’s a little bit early to turn in. He might as well get some light reading done.

There is another scream piercing through the night sky.

Xiao doesn't bother opening his eyes from where he’s meditating (with his head on Venti’s lap.) "That's the Snezhnayan," he says.

"Oh…" Ganyu frowns, and looks at the Northland bank. She can see the lights come on one by one through the windows, and silhouettes of people rushing by. "Do you think it's important?"

"Hmmm," Lord Barbatos says. 

A breeze picks up, and a few moments later she hears Tartaglia's voice saying, "oh my god!"

Childe is on the floor, face buried in his hands, when Ekaterina, Nadia and Vlad crash into his private quarters above the Northland Bank, one by one.

“Master Childe!” “Lord Harbinger!” “Sir!”

Childe makes a low keening sound in lieu of an answer.

Vlad says, “sir, is there anything wrong?”

Ekaterina says, “your screaming woke everyone up.”

Childe can only sob. “Th- th- the chopsticks!”

The dragon and phoenix patterned chopsticks - 128,000 mora, a gift from Zhongli Morax Rex Lapis, is traditionally used as a wedding dowry ?

Nadia wrinkles her nose and says, “Zhongli Morax Rex Lapis?”

“It’s a, um, traditional name,” Childe sniffles. “His parents were very religious.”

“Oh,” Vlad says. “Sir, you didn’t know?”

“WAS I SUPPOSED TO?”

“You didn’t read the book on Liyue culture and customs, did you?” Ekaterina said.

“DID ALL OF YOU READ THE BOOK?!”

“Um. Yes?” Vlad says. 

“Most of us read the book in preparation before moving here to get acquainted with Liyue,” Nadia says. 

“It’s typically the sort of thing people do before they move to another nation,” Ekaterina says.

“Wait,” Vlad says. “About the chopsticks. You didn’t know?”

Childe peeks out from behind his fingers to see the three bewildered faces of his subordinates. He feels thoroughly embarrassed when he says, “uh, no?”

Vlad gapes. “But… I thought…”

“Weren’t you two already engaged?” Nadia blurts.

“No?!” Childe says.

Ekaterina steps around him and picks up the book. She skims through it, flipping through the pages… “Ah, right here, Liyue courtship and marriage customs.” She stares at Childe over the top of the book. “You didn’t read this, Master Childe?”

“I just did!” Childe blubbers. “Does this mean- do you think- I- Zhongli- Chopsticks-”

His three subordinates exchange looks. They have very well-trained Fatui expressionless faces on, but Childe gets the feeling they’re all internally laughing at him. 

“I think,” Ekaterina says, “that this should be a conversation you should have with Mister Zhongli.”

Childe stares at them. The three stare back.

Ekaterina wordlessly hands him back the book.

Childe looks down at it and rereads the paragraph once, twice, thrice more. His eyes are not deceiving him. His employees are not deceiving him.

Wait, did Venti know? He probably did, that little shit.

Oh my god.

Oh my god .

“Oh my god.” 

“Well,” Ekaterina finally says. “Happy reading, Master Childe.”

“If there’s, um, no danger here, I’m going back to the entrance,” Nadia says. Vlad scurries after her just as quickly.

Childe rereads that paragraph a fourth time. Then he looks up, catching his expression in the reflection of the window, and he sees that his face is so red and he’s grinning so wide like he’s just gotten out of a fight, except that this is so much better than any fight he’d ever get!

“Oh my god!!”

Chapter Text

Xingxi is nursing a hot cup of tea, blinking away the morning sleepy haze as she watches her fellow shopkeepers set up their morning wares, when Liyue's eleventh Harbinger slams into her counter.

"Xingxi!" He splutters, arms flailing. "I- My- Zhongli- order- the earrings-!"

"I had a feeling you would ask about that," Xingxi yawns. She'd managed to rescue her cup in time, and she sets it far away from any frantic Snezhnayans. 

The reason she's so tired after all, is because she's stayed up all night completing the rush order for the Harbinger's courtship gifts. She, like every other Liyuen with eyes and ears, have been informed of the scene at Wanmin Restaurant mere moments after it happened - and what a scene it was! Having caught the attention of the Qixing emissary as well. 

Well, it’s no secret that the Qixing are keeping close tabs on the Harbinger, especially after the whole mess with the ocean coming alive a few months back. Still, which Liyuen business owner can hate him? After he’s done so much for the community (by spending money). 

Some may call it gossip, but she prefers to call it trading business information - after all, the relationship between the two determines the amount of mora being redistributed to the Liyue economy. 

The little lovers quarrel the two had just after the resurgence of Osial had cost the eating establishments quite a chunk of profit. No doubt Zhongli must have been angry at the Harbinger's (alleged) involvement in the matter, and refused to dine with him for the week. (The day they made up, Xingxi hears about it through the relieved sobbing of the hostesses at Liuli Pavilion, because of the hefty tips they have received.)

Xingxi has been in the jewellery business for years, and she would like to think she has honed quite a sharp sense of businesswoman intuition - and something told her she would need the earrings done sooner than she thought.

Seeing the Harbinger in front of her, fidgeting with a pink flush on his face? Xingxi smugly adds a tally mark to her mental count.

She’d set the earrings down in a nice box set last night. Ah, they’re here. “Here you are, Mister Childe.”

The Harbinger gasps.

It’s quite a piece she’s proud of, Xingxi has to admit. A very unique work of art - not many people request to have a starconch shell as the centerpiece. One shell is far too large to hang off the ear of a person, so she has to cut it to size. 

There’s a speck of gold in the middle of the shell that reminds her startlingly of a geo vision. She suspects that is the main reason the Harbinger selected it, so she cuts a straight line down the middle - splitting the “geo vision” in half, such that when you push the two earrings together, they align quite neatly. The Harbinger and Zhongli each wear a single earring, which is a rather odd choice, but who is Xingxi to judge the fashion tastes of young men?

Below each ear clasp she affixes a pearl - not the most traditional stone for romance, but they complement the shell rather nicely. On one ear there is a miniature Noctilucous Jade figurine of Rex Lapis curling around the pearl, and on the other there is one of a narwhal.

It’s expensive jewellery, but Zhongli is a man of expensive taste (and the Harbinger is a man with an expansive wallet!)

“This is beautiful!” The harbinger gasps. “Bill the invoice to me at the Northland Bank, will you? I have to go catch Zhongli now!”

“Best wishes with your man, Harbinger,” Xingxi waves, as he sprints off.

Just round the corner, Tiantian pokes her head in, practically vibrating with glee. “Was that…?”

Ah, the business information circle is on time as ever. 

With staff like Hu Tao and Zhongli, it’s hard to remember that the business they’re running is a funeral parlour.

“What are you doing running around early in the morning!” Hu Tao swats at Childe as he crashes through the doorway. “Your racket is loud enough to wake up the dead!”

“Hu Tao!” Childe says, breathless. (He’d sprinted here from Mingxing Jewelry.) “Is Zhongli here? I need to-”

“You steal my best employee in the evenings and now you want to take him in the mornings too!” She crosses her arms, huffing.

“Please!” Childe begs. He’s already on his knees because he tripped over the front step of the doorway in his haste. 

“Hmph!” Hu Tao says. “Well, I couldn’t help you even if you wanted. I sent him to Qingce for a consultation today.” 

Childe opens his mouth. 

“Don’t you date bother him!” Hu Tao wags her finger at him. “I’d run out of business! Whatever it is between you two, you’ll have to wait until he gets back!”

“Alright,” Childe sighs. 

“Good,” Hu Tao says. Now, satisfied that her livelihood isn’t in jeopardy, she switches off her businesswoman persona and turns on her nosy. “What’s that box you’re holding? Is it a gift? Is it a gift for Zhongli?!”

“Yeah…” Childe holds the box protectively. “I’m not showing it to you! I want Zhongli to see it first!”

“Aww come on,” Hu Tao says, leaning over the counter. Childe holds it out of her reach. “Let me see! I’ll see it anyways eventually, you might as well show me now! Aren’t you anxious to show it off? Don’t you want to know the opinion of Zhongli’s favorite boss, me?”

From one of the back rooms, Ferrylady pokes her head out. “Hello, Mister Childe,” she greets.

“Ferrylady!” Hu Tao yells. “Don’t you want to see Mister Childe’s gift for Zhongli too?”

Ferrylady’s eyes sparkle in curiosity, but she says, “you should respect their privacy, Director Hu.”

Hu Tao sticks her tongue out at Childe.

Childe, childe-ishly, sticks his tongue out back. And then books it before Hu Tao can lunge at him.

“Oh, hey Zhongli!” 

Zhongli looks up to see Paimon waving at him. She drifts over, munching on a sweet berry. “What'chu doing here?”

“Ah, hello, Paimon.” Zhongli nods at her. “I am on business on behalf of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour. I have come to speak to Miss Ruoxin.”

“Granny Ruoxin is at the community house,” Paimon says. “You’re so funny, Zhongli! Everyone calls her granny, but you call her Miss!” She giggles, then gasps. “Oh, but you are older than her!”

Zhongli smiles good naturedly at her. “Indeed I am, Paimon. But perhaps I will take a leaf out of your book and refer to her as Granny as well. I am just Zhongli, an ordinary human, after all.”

“Nothing about you is ordinary!” Paimon says. “Oh, Aether is here with me too! He went to collect glaze lilies on the field. He’s just running around in circles and it’s so tiring to fly after him - flying takes a lot of work you know, but I’m sure you know, you’re Rex Lapis after all! I told him to come get me after he’s done.”

Zhongli wonders if this is what Aether feels like, having a chatty flying companion trail over his shoulder whenever he walks. 

Paimon darts ahead to where Ruoxin is sitting, clacking away at her knitting. “Granny Ruoxin! Granny Ruoxin! I brought Zhongli over to meet you!”

“Ah,” Ruoxin says. “Young Zhongli,” (Paimon snickers,) “it’s nice to see you again. How’s the young man at home?”

“The young man…? Oh, I assume you mean Childe,” Zhongli says. “Yes, he is doing well.”

Zhongli’s not oblivious to the rumour mill. Childe is a common topic of interest, being a Harbinger and all, and also the obvious recipient of Zhongli’s affections. 

If only Childe himself has gotten the memo. 

It was no matter - Zhongli was a patient man, and he knew humans took a long time to figure this sort of things out. Even if Barbatos was harassing him and telling him to “get a move on, already!”

Zhongli refuses to take any relationship advice from someone like Venti, who took two thousand years to get with Xiao. The bard could gloat all he wants for being in a relationship now , but Zhongli will never forget all the times in that two thousand years, where Barbatos came to kick up a fuss and cry about his love woes on his upholstery. 

Paimon’s eyes twinkle. “Granny Ruoxin, you know about Childe the Fatui Harbinger?”

“Of course, my dear, I’m old, not deaf. Why, just the other day, I heard-” 

Zhongli clears his throat quickly. “Master Hu sends her regards.”

“Ah, that girl,” Ruoxin says. “She’s a little rascal, but she’s so bright. That reminds me-”

“Paimon, I’m back!” Aether jogs up from the hill. “Hi, Granny! Oh, Zhongli, you’re here too!”

“Aether,” Zhongli greets. “It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

“What brings you here?” Aether tosses another sweet berry over to Paimon, who makes a happy noise as she grabs for it. 

“I’m here for business on behalf of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour.”

“I can give you a teleport after you’re done,” Aether offers. “I’m going to hop over to fight Rhodeia - I need a couple of her hearts. I’ll be back soon. Come on, Paimon!”

“Mhm,” Paimon says, trailing after him.

Interesting. Zhongli wasn’t aware that Aether was acquainted with Rhodeia... or that she would give away her eternal water like that. (Or what Aether would even need her eternal water for, even?)

“Speaking of that young man of yours,” Ruoxin says, patting him on the arm. “If you’re ever tired of the hustle of the harbour and want to live a quiet married life, Qingce is a wonderful place to retire in, you know.”

Zhongli smiles at her. “I’ll keep that in mind, Granny.”

Chapter Text

Childe runs into Aether in Liyue Harbour later that evening, and after a few pleasantries and an exchange of Zhongli-related geo graphical information, he sprints straight back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlour.

“Zhongli!!!”

Meng screams.

Zhongli pokes his head out of one of the adjoining room. “Ah, Childe,” he says, smiling, and it takes all of Childe’s willpower to not melt into a puddle.

Hu Tao’s head pops out from the same doorway. “Boo!” She says, and drags Zhongli back into the room.

Childe glances at the clock. Five minutes till Zhongli’s shift ends. That’s alright, he can wait. “How was your day, Meng?”

“It was alright, Mister Childe,” Meng says. He blinks at Childe with wide eyes, looks him up and down, and then says, “don’t you have a gift for Zhongli?”

Oh, right! Childe went to put it back in his apartment for safekeeping.

“Tell Zhongli to wait here if I’m not back when his shift ends,” Childe says, and then sprints all the way back to the Northland Bank.

He makes it back in four minutes - a feat achievable by only the best of the best, Tsaritsa’s elite: one of her eleven Harbingers, her elite officers, her best soldiers.

(That being said, Scaramouche probably couldn’t sprint that fast, hah! Not with his tiny little legs.)

By which time, Zhongli is already out in the lobby area, and Hu Tao has taken her place by the counter. Ferrylady and Meng are here as well, not bothering to hide the fact that they’re standing around just waiting for Childe.

Hu Tao spies him first. “You!” She says, pointing at him. “Consultant thief!”

“Hello, Childe,” Zhongli smiles pleasantly at him. “I heard you were looking for me.”

With Zhongli’s soft expression directed towards him, the newfound knowledge of what the chopsticks mean in Liyuen culture, as well as the bright beaming nosy faces of the rest of the Wangsheng Staff...

Childe is… suddenly shy. He quickly switches hands to hide the box behind his back - which is a mistake, because Zhongli immediately looks more curiously towards it. 

“Ohh!” Hu Tao leaps up. “I wanna see, I wanna see-”

“Shall we speak somewhere else?” Zhongli says over her squealing.

“Y-yes,” Childe coughs. 

Zhongli places a large, gloved, warm hand on his arm just below his shoulder, which is a perfectly normal action that Zhongli has been accustomed to doing to Childe whenever they’re walking in the Harbour and Zhongli wants to grab his attention or guide him somewhere.

Childe’s heart stops beating.

And he stops moving, or speaking, or breathing, apparently.

“Zhongli,” Hu Tao says loudly. “I think you broke the Harbinger.”

“Buh,” says Childe.

Zhongli looks at Childe. “Are you feeling unwell?”

“N-no.”

The hand moves from Childe’s shoulder, to the broad of his back.

Childe’s fine. He’s fine.

Zhongli says, “Let me walk you to Bubu Pharmacy.”

They don’t end up at Bubu Pharmacy. Halfway through the walk (in which Zhongli pilots Childe down the streets and waves to passing gossipers who will no doubt spread the news all the way to Wangshu,) Childe regains his composure and convinces Zhongli that he’s fine, he doesn’t need medicine, all he needs is some fresh air.

Which is why they’re in a pavilion on top of Yujing Terrace, overlooking the sun setting over Liyue Harbour.

“I hope the breeze will do you good,” Zhongli says. “I enjoy our dinners together, but there is no need to find me when you are sick, Childe. I prioritize your health over anything.”

Childe swallows. How can he say that with a straight face?

“I…” He starts, and then realizes that he doesn’t know what to say.

What does he say? That he'd… finally read Chapter 36 of Liyue Culture and Customs ? Finally found out about the symbolic meaning behind the dragon and phoenix patterned chopsticks? Finally figured out that maybe, probably, perhaps, his stupid feelings (the ones that make him blush to himself in the middle of his room and think about warm dinners) might be possibly reciprocrated? 

Zhongli furrows his brow. “Childe? Are you alright? Perhaps you should wait here, I will head over to Bubu-”

Childe wordlessly thrusts the box over into Zhongli’s hands, and then retreats over to the opposite end of the pavilion.

It’s a steep drop downwards onto the waterfall rapids behind him, which is a perfectly viable getaway if Childe needs one.

His heart pounds in his chest as Zhongli unwraps the cover, opens the lid…

“Oh.”

Zhongli lifts up an earring. It glints in the sunset.

“...Do you…” Childe wrings his fingers together. “LIke it?”

Zhongli silently turns it around in his hands. He delicately picks up the other earring and holds them together…

Then he looks at Childe.

His eyes seem so much brighter and warmer in this light.

Zhongli says, “they’re beautiful.”

“I…” Childe’s heart is going to explode in his chest. “I made them - I had them made, for you.”

“These are wonderful, Childe.”

“I… I’m glad you liked them.” Childe burns with embarrassment and fondness. “I, uh, have something to ask you.”

“Of course,” Zhongli says. He’s smiling, his eyes bright, he looks happy. He’s happy. Oh god. Childe is happy too - his heart is fluttering.

“Remember, a few weeks ago - before Osial, you gave me a gift? A pair of chopsticks, the, uhm, dragon and phoenix ones? When we were at Wanmin?”

“I remember that,” Zhongli nods in assent, but he doesn’t say much more. Is he really doing this? Is he going to make Childe say it?

Childe smacks his lips - they’re so much drier, suddenly. “I… I read chapter 36 of the book. Liyue Culture and Customs .”

With anyone else, they will look confused - who remembers the specifics of a chapter in a book? Zhongli merely looks thoughtful, and Childe knows he’s likely flitting through his endless expanse of his memory, recalling the contents of the chapter…

“Ah!” Zhongli says, sounding... surprised?

Then he looks at Childe, eyes wide, blushes,-

Oh, what the hell. Childe is not the Fatui’s most reckless Vanguard for nothing.

Childe leaps into Zhongli’s arms. 

He registers the sound of the box and its contents clattering to the ground, but almost immediately he feels Zhongli’s arms wrap around his waist.

“Childe!” Zhongli exclaims.

“Please say you like me back, Zhongli!” Childe pleads. 

Zhongli says, “that sounds like a question I would have expected before you jumped on my lap.”

Childe grips onto the lapels of his jacket in desperation. “Zhongli!”

Zhongli laughs. Loud, unbidden, and sending little tingles like an electro delusion straight down to his toes. 

Zhongli says, “I like you, Childe.”

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Woohoo! Yahoo! Hell yeah! Xiao, give me a hi-five!”

Xiao stares wordlessly at him.

“Ganyu, give me a hi-five!”

Ganyu delicately raises a hand.

In his excitement, Venti slaps it so hard that it would likely have broken the bones of any mortal. Ganyu just giggles. 

“Just to be clear,” Childe says, still on Zhongli’s lap, now adjusted to sit more comfortably, his arms slung around Zhongli’s shoulder. “You like-like me, right? I mean, I’m 70% sure you do, and apparently all my staff think we’re already - ahem - romantically involved, and you gave me the marriage chopsticks after all, but, like, it never hurts to be super sure.”

“Yes, Childe,” Zhongli says, with the sort of adoring patience that only a 6000 year old adepti could possess. “I, as you so put it, like-like you.”

“Cool, cool,” says Childe. “Me too. As in, I like-like you. In case that wasn’t clear.”

“That is very clear,” Zhongli says, eyes warm. Is he making a joke? Is he laughing at Childe? 

“Also,” Childe says. “The marriage chopsticks?”

“Ah,” Zhongli says. “Yes. The phoenix and dragon patterned pair of chopsticks, is what I assume you are referring to.”

“Yeah,” Childe says. “Yes. I read about it in chapter 36, Zhongli. I read about it in a book, Zhongli!”

“Ah,” Zhongli says, eyes twinkling. “And from that chapter, you concluded that I like-liked you?”

“You don’t have to tease me,” Childe feels his cheeks heating up even more. “Well, it’s a reasonable conclusion to come to! A-and my highly trained Fatui staff - as well as the whole of Liyue’s gossip circles - corroborate my findings!”

Zhongli smiles at him, all soft and fond and amused… and then he says, “you didn’t read the rest of the book, did you?”

“I… huh? Wha?”

“The dragon and the phoenix represent a dynamic relationship full of luck, prosperity and success,” Zhongli says. “While dragon and phoenix motifs are commonly found in marriage and wedding collateral to symbolize that good luck, it is not strictly a romantic notion.”

Childe says, “what?”

“It is perfectly proper to gift dragon and phoenix patterned memorabilia in all kinds of settings, from friends and family to business partners, to express that you wish for a prosperous relationship. Which you would have known, if you read chapters 11, 12 and 34.”

“Um.” Childe says. “Oh. Uh. Okay.”

“Although,” Zhongli continues, steamrolling past Childe’s mortification, and tightening his grip so that Childe doesn’t jump into the waterfall. “In this scenario, you have interpreted my intentions correctly. I did not mean for the gift to explicitly propose a courtship, but I had intended to express my desire for a fruitful relationship with you.”

Childe gapes.

“I was fully aware of any ramifications that our relationship could suffer after my plot with the Tsaritsa had been revealed to you. I did not wish to impose any expectations or burdens upon you before that was settled." He pauses. "Furthermore, I am aware that mortals tend to observe a different relationship timeline than I would be accustomed to. I did not want to rush you."

"Oh," Childe says, blushing. "Uh, thanks. This is. Great."

"That is good to hear," Zhongli nods, looking pleased. "Barbatos has been a nuisance about this matter since he met you." 

Barbatos met him? What does that mean? Childe blanches. Did he meet anyone new recently? The archons can wear any face or become any person with their powers - it could be literally anyone he walks past on the street! 

Barbatos and Morax, being the original two of the first Seven, must have a close relationship. Childe abruptly wonders if this is akin to Zhongli meeting the rest of his family.

Zhongli inclines his head. "Childe?"

"I was just. Thinking." Childe says. "You say, um, Barbatos met me?"

Zhongli nods again. "He seems to rather like you."

"Good. That's… good."

"Indeed," Zhongli says. Then, "will you put the earrings on for me, Childe?" 

After Childe's heart starts beating again, he slips off Zhongli's current earring and carefully fixes on the new one.

The one with the narwhal. 

Zhongli says, fondly, "it reminds me of you." 

Childe says, "Oh god, you reminded me that I need to buy Venti drinks."

Zhongli says, "what? What did that drunkard do?!"

"Uh, haha," Childe says. "Funny story, actually."

By the end of the story - Childe recounting the past few days of his experiences as he drags Venti all over Liyue with him, Zhongli sits for a few moments in contemplative silence.

Then he says, "huh."

"Yeah," Childe nods. "Venti says he has a bar tab in Mondstadt. Honestly, I might just have to pay it off for him, considering all he has helped me with."

Zhongli says, "hmm."

"What?" Childe says.

"Hmmm," Zhongli says again.

"Are you mad at Venti?" Childe asks. Zhongli doesn't sound… too happy.

Zhongli sighs. "I am not mad at him," he says, rubbing his temples. “I am simply. Considering.”

“Considering?” Childe echoes.

“On how to appropriately give my thanks,” Zhongli says, and then sighs louder. “I should have expected the bard to meddle, although now I have to… admit… that his role played an integral part in this turn of events. And now I have to thank him, which will prove to be a troublesome affair.”

Childe giggles. “Oh, is that it? I’m planning to invite him for a night out for drinks. You should join us.”

“Alright,” Zhongli says. “Only to make sure he doesn’t cause too much of a ruckus.”

“Oh, you reminded me of something I was wondering about,” Childe says. “Did you meet Venti first, or did Xiao? I’ve been trying to piece together the whole,” he makes a vague gesture with his hands, “backstory of how you all got to know each other.”

“Ah,” Zhongli hums. “An interesting question. I suppose you can say Venti and I were acquainted, first, before he got close with Xiao.”

“Cool,” Childe says. “Anyways. So… now that we’re like, dating, do you want to like, uh, kiss or something? Just a bit. Just a little. A kiss- mmph!”

Venti cheers. “All in a day’s work!”

Xiao pats him on the head. “Good job.” 

“I shall inform the Qixing of this immediately,” Ganyu says solemnly. “They will be very disappointed.”

Chapter Text

Venti strolls into Third-Round Knockout just as evening descends upon Liyue Harbour. The birds are chirping, the city is bustling, and the dragon of Liyue Harbour looks particularly menacing today, like he’s trying to defend his hoard of alcohol from innocent, hard-working travelling bards.

Childe spies him the moment he comes into view, and sticks a hand up, waving. 

"Nice earrings," Venti teases. He takes the seat between them.

Childe is grinning, a flush on his cheeks. Zhongli is resolutely avoiding eye contact.

Venti kicks him under the table.

His chair rattles ominously, as if the stone foundations of Liyue Harbour itself are threatening to ground him.

"It's nice to see you," Childe says. "I was just telling Zhongli about how you helped me these past days."

"Ah, ehe," Venti says, winking. “So, how about our… previous agreement?”

"Like I said," Childe opens his arms out generously. "Your drinks are on me! Anything you want, as much as you want-"

"Surely," Zhongli says loudly, "to make a fair contract, we should establish a limit-"

"Nope, nuh-uh, no!" Venti says. "Childe and I already made the contract! Free drinks for the whole night! We already shook on it, right, right?"

"Oh, yeah," Childe says. "I remember. At Guyun, right? Before you got hit by that giant wave."

Zhongli glares at Venti, speechless in frustration. He looks very much like how he did, back in the days when they were still baby Archons and Morax was still a fledgling contract writer (after spending the first half of his life as a murderous dragon-qilin and had then only quite recently been exposed to the art of Knowing Things when he met Guizhong), and Venti (who had already learnt the art of lyricism and wordplay from his bard friend) had bound him in a loophole, and managed to get Zhongli so drunk that he knocked himself out for a week (and then proceeded to storm Mondstadt to knock Venti out for a week). 

Venti crows in triumph. Hah! 

Childe raises a hand to call for the waiter. "Can we start with a round of osmanthus wine?"

Childe matches Venti drink for drink… at first. 

"I don't know what to tell you," Venti says. "Mondstadt is the land of wine, after all!" 

Barring the fact that he’s a wind spirit and archon and thus does not have a human level of alcohol tolerance, that is. He’s sure his Mondstadt hard drinkers may be able to hold their own against Childe, if it came down to it - Kaeya and Rosaria especially.

"Ngh," Childe says, head on the table. Zhongli has been slowly patting his back while sipping at his own flask of wine - not quite on the same rate as Venti is, but certainly keeping pace.

And what a shame, too! Venti would have loved to wager another free night of alcohol with a drinking competition, but Zhongli shut that down before Venti could even mention it. What a spoilsport!

Degui is oddly attentive today, hovering by their table ready with another tray of wine at Venti's signal, probably because this is the most lucrative night he'd had in, well, ever. It’s not everyday you have two archons with practically infinite alcohol tolerance at your tavern… and it’s not everyday that the both of them can afford to drink to their hearts’ content, too! 

Well Zhongli can probably do this every other day considering Childe is bankrolling him. When will Diluc open his heart out to worship in the form of alcoholic offerings? 

Childe jolts up, blubbers something incoherent, then splashes his vision over himself. 

Zhongli takes another sip of wine.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Childe says, blinking quickly. He wipes his face with a hand.  “Man, Venti, you sure can drink!”

“Sure can,” Venti says. “Want another round?”

Zhongli kicks him in the shin.

Venti kicks back.

“Yeah!” Childe says. “One more round, boss!”

“I hate you,” Zhongli says.

“You love me,” Venti says.

They clink their glasses together, and down it without breaking eye contact.

Childe sullenly sips at his cup of water. He grumbled and said it was a blow to his Snezhnayan pride when Zhongli ordered it for him, but then proceeded to down three consecutive cups, complained it was spicy, so Zhongli ordered him a fourth and cut him off.

“I have sobering tea steeping on the pot at my home,” Zhongli says, rubbing at his shoulder. “We can head back aftewards and have some.”

“I don’t need sobering tea,” Childe whines. 

“It takes six hours to brew. I prepared it earlier that evening in anticipation for the results of tonight.”

“I’ll take the tea,” Venti says. Zhongli brews great tea!

Zhongli stares flatly at him. “You don’t deserve tea.”

Venti bats his lashes. “But I love your tea.”

“No you do not. The last time you came over, you complained it was bitter.”

“Fine, I love your tea with sugar cubes in it.”

“You are a disgrace to tradition. You are ruining my tea. If you cannot appreciate my tea the way it is supposed to be drunk-”

“Fine, keep your tea! Selfish!”

Halfway through Venti’s twentieth - no, thirtieth - no, wait, uh-

Halfway through Venti’s latest drink, Childe jolts upwards like he has an epiphany. He grabs a napkin, and then slaps at Zhongli until he hands him a pen from his jacket pocket, and starts making a list.

“What are you doing?” Zhongli says.

“Making our wedding guest list!” Childe says cheerily. 

Venti squints at the napkin. Whatever Childe is writing is completely illegible. 

Zhongli delicately takes back his pen. “It’s a bit too early for that.”

“No it’s not!” Childe says. He makes a grab for the pen, but then gets distracted trying to untangle it from Zhongli’s fingers that he just ends up happily holding Zhongli’s hands.

“Gay,” Venti says.

A tiny geo shard bounces off his hat.

“Who will you invite?” Venti says.

Childe hums. “Aether and Paimon of course. My guys (and gals) from the Northland bank, they’re all real comrades. I guess I’ll have to invite the other harbingers… I don’t really want to, but, politics, you know? And the adepti, hah! Do you have to invite your colleagues too, Zhongli?”

Zhongli takes a long sip of his wine. “Hu Tao will be delighted.”

“No, no, noooo,” Childe says. He whispers, or at least he tries to whisper, “your… archon colleagues.”

“Oh,” Zhongli says. “I will invite Barbatos.”

“Aww,” Venti says, touched.

“Yes, all our friends,” Childe nods, a little slowly to himself, then, “ah. Friends. Venti, Venti, Venti. You have to come.”

Zhongli squints at him. “That’s what I just said.”

“No, you haven’t said Venti.” Childe takes another swig of wine.

Zhongli stares into of his drink, and then at Venti.

“I don’t know if the Tsaritsa would want to come,” Childe wonders aloud. “I’m a Harbinger, and her fellow Archon colleague is getting married, but-”

“If you invite her, please put me at a different table,” Venti says.

“I'm sure you'll get along great with the Tsaritsa," Childe says absently to the bottom of his cup. 

Venti coughs. Zhongli snickers at him.

It’s well into the night when they make their way back to Zhongli’s apartment. Despite his earlier words, Zhongli still gives Venti tea, and refuses to tell him where the sugar is.

Venti takes a sip. Bleh.

Childe makes a face when he drinks his, too, but he downs it obediently, and then almost falls off the chair to lunge himself at Zhongli.

Zhongli catches him with an arm, sighing. “I’ll put him to bed.”

“Put a bucket next to him,” Venti suggests. “He may not make it to the toilet if he wants to puke.”

“This is all your fault.”

“Hey, it’s not like we had a drinking competition or anything!”

Zhongli glares at him. 

Venti does the courtesy of fetching the bucket from the kitchen to bring to Zhongli’s bedroom because he’s a good person with no ulterior motives- yeah, okay, fine, he wants to snoop. What kind of cool new trinkets has Zhongli collected? Is that Venti's old hat? Why does Zhongli have a tiny statuette of himself (in his exuvia form)?

Zhongli tucks Childe in. He looks less like a bloodthirsty Harbinger with all his accessories off, swaddled in thick blankets in his boyfriend's bed.  (It's kind of cute, and it reminds Venti of Xiao without all his trinkets when they're cuddling. He looks menacing with especially with his yaksha mask, but he's the biggest softie ever!)

"I can't believe the both of us have boyfriends now," Venti giggles.

Zhongli gives him an exasperated - and dare Venti say, fond? - look. And he says, "Go away, Venti." Which really means, visit again soon, in Morax language. 

"Alright," Venti says. "I'll see you two soon!" 

Childe blinks pleasantly at him. "Bye-bye, Ven-tea. See you two-more-row!"

"Of course," Venti says, knowing he will very much not be dropping by tomorrow, or in the next week, or at least the winds tell him that the honeymoon period is over. 

Zhongli looks appeased, like he knows that Venti knows that tomorrow does not mean tomorrow. "See you then, Barbatos."

"You two, you too , Morax," Venti giggles. 

He sets down the bucket, swipes a mora on the nightstand that Zhongli sees but doesn't call him out for, skips out the bedroom, and shuts the door just in time to hear, "wait, did you just call him-”

Ah. A job well done indeed.

Chapter Text

Childe wakes up in an unfamiliar room, on an unfamiliar bed… alone.

CRASH! comes the living room.

Ah. Nevermind.

Childe gingerly pads out to poke his head into the sitting room, where Zhongli is glaring at a pile of miscellaneous memorabilia scattered on the floor. 

"...Hey," Childe says. Despite the clutter, it's not like Zhongli to be clumsy.

Zhongli says, " someone rearranged my furniture last night."

"It wasn't me," Childe says immediately.

Zhongli turns around to look at him - wow, he's not in his suit. Wow, his hair is untied. Wow, he doesn't have his red eyeliner on, and his eyes look… soft? Endearing? Amused? Perhaps a little exasperated.

"I know it wasn't you, Childe," Zhongli says.

"That's good," Childe nods. "People have been framing me for things I didn't do recently. Like killing Rex Lapis - which isn't true, because you're here, but you know that. Or accusing me of not reading the book on Liyue Culture and Customs , which, well, technically I did do. Or didn't do. I didn't read the book. Which was what I did."

"Childe," Zhongli says. "Are you hungover?"

"No," Childe says.

Then he smells breakfast coming from the kitchen, and uses his top Fatui Harbinger skills to sprint to the bathroom. 

"Ugh. I think I'm still drunk," Childe says. There's a cup of Zhongli's bitter tea in his hands, which somehow makes him less nauseous because of ancient adepti tea brewing techniques and yet more nauseous because it's so bitter. Net zero nauseousness, if you will. 

"Likely not," Zhongli said, who had efficiently pawned their breakfast over to his neighbours, who were a sweet elderly couple that had an active watch over the chit-chat at the hawker stores. "The state of drunkenness does not last quite this long."

("Two plates, A-Li?"

"Ah, Childe was too nauseous for breakfast this morning, and I don't want what I've already prepared to go to waste. Would you two-"

"Ah, that Harbinger? You two are so considerate. We didn't hear a single thing all night!"

"...of course? I'm not sure I understand how that is relev-"

"Never mind about us, go tend to your boy!")

If Childe could read Liyuen, he'd bet it'd be on the gossip rags next issue.

"Really?" Childe says. "Because my head hurts, and I'm still having distorted memories. Hey, want to hear about a weird dream I had?"

"Certainly."

"Haha, it's ridiculous. Hilarious, even. It seems so real I'm not even a hundred percent sure it's a dream. But it has to be, right?"

Zhongli patiently sips on his tea.

"Haha, well, you see, last night, I dreamt that Venti was Barbatos. Like, you called him Barbatos. Hah! Funny, right?"

Zhongli patiently puts his teacup down.

"Childe," he says.

"Don't do this to me," Childe begs.

"Childe," Zhongli repeats.

"No. Please. Don't do this to me."

"That wasn't a dream."

"Yep, yeah, cool," Childe says calmly.

"Childe? 宝贝?"

"...Give me a moment, милый."

"So," Aether says. "You asked Barbatos for love advice."

He's grinning, though, from ear to ear, and behind him Paimon is spinning in somersaults with poorly hidden giggles.

Childe slams his hands on the table. "You knew, didn't you?! You knew he was Barbatos the entire while!"

"Of course I knew," Aether says. "I already told you I met Barbatos. Anyways, I thought you knew."

"HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN?!"

"You guys spent the past week together," Aether shrugs. "I honestly thought it would have come up."

"Oh my god," Childe says. " Oh my god. "

Aether snickers. "What did Zhongli say?" 

When Childe had finally managed to look up from his hands, he sees Zhongli’s shoulders shaking.

“Are you laughing at me?” Childe gapes, appalled. 

“No,” Zhongli lies.

“You… you…”

“From how familiar you two acted, I thought you would have known,” Zhongli said. “Although I did admit I had my suspicions, since I know you to be not the most observant character-”

“-not the most observant!” Childe spluttered in outrage.

Zhongli patted his hand. “I mean no offence. But if we consider the evidence, you never figured out my true identity-”

“-ok-”

“-despite the arsenal of knowledge at your disposal-”

“-you can shut up now-”

“-and your main assignment in Liyue being to investigate Rex Lapis specifically-”

“-stop talking!”

Zhongli stops talking. 

The insufferable amused look on his face, though, and that smug silence of his, is somehow worse.

“You archons are all terrible,” Childe concludes.

“I met him early this morning when I was finishing up one of my commissions in Mondstadt,” Aether tells him. “He said to say hi if I ran into either of you, but he’s probably not going to come by for a while. He has to reacclimate with the Mondstadt atmosphere.” Aether politely leaves out the part where Venti rambled on honeymoon periods and/or petty dragons who try to throw rocks at him when he disrupts the Liyue mountain air peace for too long. 

“Oh?” Childe rubs his chin. “Well, he did take quite a long trip here, and I imagine it must have been quite sudden.”

“Oh, yes, people were wondering where he had gone,” Aether says. 

“Just curious, Aether,” Childe leans in. “How many people know that Venti is Barbatos?’

“Um, a couple?” Aether scratches the back of his head. “He’s living among the people like Zhongli is doing. He’s less secretive about it, though, and tells people he’s Barbatos, but no one believes him.”

“Man,” Childe says. “Isn’t there a giant statue of him in the courtyard?”

“Aren’t there statues of Zhongli that you see often, too?” Aether points out.

“Okay, you little shit-”

“He was standing under a giant statue of himself when I saw him,” Childe says, spread-eagle on the bed. “How did I not notice it?”

Zhongli, seated next to him flipping through a book, hums. “The human form he’s chosen is quite cunning, actually, He looks unassuming and people simply don’t expect him to be a person who wields any sort of power, let alone be an Archon.”

“But the statue…” Childe makes a vague gesture in the air… and them abruptly sits up. “Hey, Zhongli.”

“Hm?”

“How come you’re in this form?” Childe says. “You look exactly like your statue.”

“Well-”

“I’d understand if this were like, you know, a casual year where no one would suspect Rex Lapis of anything. But this is the lifetime you chose to fake your death, so all attention would be on you. And worse still, you yourself got so close to the matters of his funeral. Weren’t you worried about being noticed?”

Zhongli says, “that’s an interesting question to ponder. I suppose I got struck with sentimentality when thinking about my retirement. I chose to assume this form because it was very similar to how I looked, back when I first saw the building of Liyue Harbour. I felt it would be fitting to see the beginning of Liyue’s independence in this form as well.”

Zhongli pauses for a few moments. “Besides,” he says. “You never noticed.”

Childe tosses a pillow at him.

“And that’s what I’ve been up to in Liyue,” Venti finishes.

It was a shame that Viktor didn’t stay for the story. He’d run into the tavern, tossed a very heavy bag of mora vaguely in Diluc’s direction, and then sprinted out just as quickly.

“The Eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui is paying for your bar tab?” Diluc says. “All of it?” 

He’s emptied the bag of mora onto the counter. Venti swipes a coin - Diluc doesn’t seem to notice. Either that or he doesn’t care - the mora is spilling onto the floor. 

“This wasn’t exactly what I was expecting when you called for an audience to discuss matters of national importance,” Jean said.

“This is absolutely of national importance,” Venti says. “Since I’m important to this nation.”

“Right,” Jean says. “Of course.”

“All this money?” Diluc says. 

“I should get going,” Jean says. “I still have some paperwork to complete (that I dropped because I thought this was genuinely urgent) and I’m sure Diluc has to open the bar soon.”

“Alright, see you soon, Jean!” Venti says. “Hey, Diluc, can I get a drink?”

Diluc opens his mouth, shuts it. Wordlessly turns around to grab a bottle of wine of the counter.

“Hah!” Venti says. “I bet you were about to say, ‘not until you pay off your bar tab’, right? Right?”

“Get out of my tavern.”