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Phil went out to do some shopping, but he’s been gone for much longer than necessary.
It’s okay, he probably ran into someone and stopped to chat for a bit. Or maybe the shop ran out of bread.
Dan waited 15 minutes, still no sign of Phil. So he sent him a text. ‘u ok? y does it take so long?”
After another 10 minutes, there was no response. Dan called him, but he didn’t pick up his phone.
He waited 5 more minutes. In those five minutes, he called every person who could possibly have seen Phil. He called Phil again for the 17th time. He still didn’t answer.
His phone rang. Never had he been so quick to pick up.
“Hello?”
“Is this Daniel Howell?”
“Yes, it is. Who’s this?”
“My name is Mr. Smith. I’m afraid something happened to your fiancé.”
“Phil? What’s wrong with him?”
“It’s better if you’d come right now, sir.”
“Where?”
The man told him the address.
“Alright, thanks. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
Dan panicked. Something happened to Phil. He knew he should’ve gone with him. He should’ve...
Easy Dan, get on the tube, go to the hospital.
He grabbed his phone, wallet, coat and gloves, jumped in his shoes and ran down the stairs and outside. He sprinted towards the tube station. Fortunately, the right one was just ready to go. He ran for it and just caught it. The journey took too long, too goddamned long.
Phil could be dying right now. He could die before we ever got married. Oh god, please don’t let him die.
The tube came to a stop, he jumped off and ran up the stairs. Yes, it fucking hurt and he felt like he didn’t have any lungs anymore, but it was nothing compared to the fear or losing Phil.
He ran through the entrance of the hospital and walked up to the desk.
“I’m here for my fiancé, Philip Michael Lester. My name is Dan Howell.”
“Of course, they told me you were coming. Just follow Lucy, that’s her with the black hair, yes, she’ll lead you to Mr. Lester’s room.”
The nurse, Lucy, led him through the halls. So many hallways and corridors, too much to remember. Where was Phil? He needed to see him, now.
“Here we are, but don’t be too loud.”
“Of course.”
She opened the door. Dan tried not to cry as he saw Phil lying there. So weak and pale. Paler than ever. The soft humming and beeping of the machines that were keeping Phil alive, the doctors and nurses standing around him. He did his best to keep a straight face as he walked into the room. He cleared his throat.
One of the doctors greeted him, “Hello, Daniel. You’re here for Philip, right? I’m afraid we’re about to start surgery and you won’t be able to talk to him for a few hours. Would you mind waiting outside? Thomas here will explain what happened.”
A guy who looked like he was training to be a doctor told Dan to follow him, he was probably Thomas. They sat down on some chairs just outside the room.
“So, Daniel, Philip is in very bad condition. We might be able to get him out of hospital again, but he will never be able to walk again. He was walking out of a shop, onto the parking lot. That’s when he saw a car coming, he thought he could make it without getting hit, so he ran for it. He had loads of bags in his hands and he slipped on the ice. The car drove over his leg. He lost a lot of blood and we’re keeping him alive by machines. While there is a good chance he might survive, I have to prepare you for other scenarios. Such as a coma, brain damage, and there is a small chance he won’t make it out alive. Though that chance is relatively small, I don’t want it to be a surprise, if it does happen. He’s going through surgery right now, they’re amputating his leg. You can see him in about five hours.”
Dan cried. He sobbed violently while that Thomas guy gently rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him down. He waited the whole day, crying every now and then. Thinking of everything that has happened.
Like when Phil proposed to him.
In 2016, after two years of actually properly dating, Phil got down on one knee. It was December, and really cold. They were walking outside and in the middle of the park, Phil suddenly stopped. He had written ‘I LOVE U’ in the snow. He ignored the fact that his jeans got wet from the snow when he pulled a box out of his pocket. He opened the box and said “I want you forever. Forever and always. Through the good and the bad and the ugly. We’ll grow old together. Forever and always. Daniel James Howell, you make me happy. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”
Dan gladly accepted. Phil put the ring on Dan’s finger and stood up to kiss him. While they were standing there and hugging each other, Dan whispered “Forever and Always.” People standing nearby started clapping and cheering.
Dan later denied the tear that had rolled down his cheek.
Some nurse came up to him.
“I think you’ll be able to talk to Philip any minute now.”
“Thanks,” Dan whispered, as he tried to stop crying.
The door opened.
“He’s awake.”
Dan kept a straight face as he walked into the room, and smiled slightly when he sat down on the chair next to the bed.
Phil looked so fragile, so, not quite there.
“Hi, Dan,” he whispered.
“Hi, Phil.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I want to marry you.”
“You asked me that two months ago. I said yes. I wanna marry you too, Phil.”
“I love you.”
A doctor cleared his throat. “Ahem, he might act a little strange due to the medicines.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Shall I... leave the two of you alone, for a bit?”
“Thanks,” Dan said as he nodded. The Doctor walked out of the room.
“I love you,” Phil said again, “I want to marry you.”
“I want to marry you too.”
“Now?”
“If we could.”
“Why not?”
Yeah, why not? They could get married. Right now.
“Okay. We’ll get married now.”
Phil smiled.
Dan opened the door. A nurse smiled at him, he smiled back. “Could I ask something?”
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Me and my fiancé would like to get married. Now. Is that okay?”
She stared at him in confusion, looked at Dan’s blood-shot eyes and worn-out face, and nodded.
“I’ll call my brother, he does weddings. And I’ll ask Suzy to buy some rings at the shop across the road. I’ll get flowers and cake from the gift shop.”
“Thank you so much!”
“No problem. It’s not a busy day, and it’s the least I can do.”
And then she was gone.
Dan went inside again and sat next to Phil.
“We’re going to get married today, Phil.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“I love you, Dan.”
“I love you too.”
They talked for a while, about the future. Dan promised Phil they would get everything he wanted and more. Of course they’d get a beautiful house on a hill, of course they’d adopt five children, of course they’d get twenty hamsters, of course. Because they’d always be together, they’d grow old next to each other, forever and always. Just like Phil had promised him when he proposed. Forever and always.
The nurse form earlier comes in with cake, flowers, rings and a man with a book. And loads of other people to. Dan takes the rings, he gives one to Phil and keeps one himself.
“Do you, Daniel James Howell, take Philip Michael Lester to be your husband?”
“I do. Forever and always.”
“Do you, Philip Michael Lester, take Daniel James Howell to be your husband?”
Silence. The beeps are slowing down, but nobody notices. When Phil does finally talk, his voice is soft and low.
“I love you forever. Forever and always. Please just remember, that if I’m not there, I’ll always love you. Forever and always.”
The beeps are getting really slow. The doctors and nurses are cheering, but Dan screams “STOP”
Everyone looks at him in shock. Then they hear it. They hear the beeps. They hear them slowing down. The nurses and doctors start moving quickly, Dan doesn’t leave Phil. He keeps hold of his hand, keeps talking to him. Trying to keep him awake. He can’t lose Phil now, not on their wedding. Dan slides the ring on Phil’s finger. “Phil, I love you, stay with me now. Don’t leave me here, please Phil. We were going to be together. Forever and always, remember? I love you, Phil. Don’t leave. Stay right here with me, forever, Phil! We’ll live in a house on a hill, we’ll adopt children, we’ll buy hamsters. We’ll stay together. Forever and always. Through the good and the bad and the ugly, you promised, Phil!”
Phil moved. He slides the ring on Dan’s finger, it doesn’t fit but that’s okay because it’s from Phil. He whispers, “I love you, Dan. Forever and always.”
“I love you too, Phil. Forever and always. Just like we always said.”
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to move. The doctors need more space.”
“No, I can’t- I- I can’t, he’s my husband! I can’t leave him!”
“I’m sorry, sir.”
“No!”
The nurse took his hand, and nearly dragged him out of the room. She shut the door.
“No! Phil!”
Dan slammed his fist against the door. He could hear the machines give the sound of a flat-line. He could hear the muffled ‘time of death: 6.47 pm’.
“I love you, Phil.”
A tear slipped down his face. The ring felt cold and heavy around his finger.
“Forever and always.”