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"You were really something out there. Let me know if you're looking for a change of place."
"I didn't recruit her to punish you, Harper. I recruited Aurora to entice you! I thought she might show you the possibilities."
Fuck. I was hearing voices in my head again. The lines between truth and fallacies never felt more blurred. And here I was, caught between them both, behind the closed doors of an empty washroom, trying to pick up the last pieces of my crumbling self esteem.
I looked at myself in the mirror. Face full of badly done make-up, smeared with tears; one eyeliner wing looking way different than the other.
I was never good at this to begin with, never felt comfortable wearing make-up either. But aunt Harper demanded that I look "presentable" enough to represent her legacy in the Hopeful Hearts Gala, which basically meant me licking asses and wearing gallons of paint on my face. Nobody could hear my desperate pleas to be spared from doing both.
I wish I was more like my aunt. Confident, commanding in social situations, impeccable in appearance with every hair in place, and capable of handling negotiations with an easy smile on her face. I always prided myself on my straight moral compass… never could have imagined it would lead me here. Unable to accept the universal truth that society is but power play, and humans are but each other's pawns.
The only person I know who ever sees the unfairness of the world like I do is Idalia. She says her mentor Ethan does so too. She says they're becoming friends. God knows if they're something more! I hope not, I really hope she has some place in her heart left for me. She owns the entirety of mine, but perhaps I myself am not prepared to tell her that truth.
I felt a mirthless smile spread across my face at her thought. As I walked away from the mirror and turned around, my tired body slid itself down against the wall, aided by the smooth satin of my red dress, and I fell on my hips to the ground.
Oh Idalia! She's like wildflowers, old books, a favourite song, and the signature scent of her sandalwood soap combined into one person. Oh how much I adore that combination! The calm and the strength her mere existence brings! If only she knew… if only I could convey. But alas, she's probably attending the gala with Dr. Ramsey, joining forces as members of the diagnostics team. Is that all that's there to the story? If not, should I be sad I couldn't be hers, or happy she found love? If yes, is my reluctance the reason she hasn't?
My head was spinning, I didn't have any answers. I felt defeated– my brain sold to people playing industry games in big leagues, my heart lost to another in helpless longing. I wish I could find a way to navigate either situation, but maybe I was simply meant to be a failure.
The abrupt sound of a voice and the bathroom door falling open shook me.
"Rory! What are you doing in here?"
My head snapped around instantly to the intruder, though I'd recognize that voice anywhere. It was her, peeking in from behind a half-closed door, wearing nothing but a bright pink corset top and underwear as bottoms.
"Lia, you scared me!"
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to burst open. I had no idea you were inside."
"Of course you wouldn't know, I should have locked the door."
After recovering from the initial shock, I saw her slowly taking in my appearance, my state. Hazel eyes traveled down my whole hunched form, and I was equally pleased and embarrassed at being under her scrutinizing gaze in my current predicament.
"You… don't look too good Rory. Why are you sitting on the floor? Wait, are those tear tracks?"
An array of questions were shot at me, as she sprinted forward and sat herself by my side. I closed my eyes and winced. Vulnerability had never been my strongest suit.
"I'm sorry… you shouldn't have had to see me like this."
"No, I'm glad I did. Now tell me what's bothering you. Were you getting ready for the gala? Heard you have to leave early."
"Unfortunately, yes. Now that I've planned to leave Kenmore and join Edenbrook for the time being, my aunt's gonna whisk me away in her sedan to reach early and make "connections". God forbid she believes that after Edenbrook goes down, some other hospital would accept my application solely based on merit, right?"
"Screw her beliefs. You believe in yourself, don't you?"
My gaze dropped down from hers, unable to meet her eyes.
"Don't you, Aurora?"
"I don't know", I said, releasing a sigh.
"Hey!"
Two soft hands came up to hold either side of my face.
"Look at me. Do I see self doubt creeping in again? Is that why you were crying?"
"Kind of… and also because aunt Harper wants me to do a full makeup routine like she does and show up spotless at the event. And I can't seem to get good at this shit!"
"Why didn't you just call me?" She insisted gently.
"I could have done it, but maybe I just didn't want to wear make-up."
"Oh."
She stared at me open-mouthed for a few seconds, as if contemplating.
"If that's the problem, then to hell with it."
Running into her room again, she reappeared with a bottle of make-up remover and tissues. Grabbing hold of my hands again, she pushed the products into them.
"Go, scrub it off."
"No way Lia, aunt is gonna be here any moment now!"
"Then better not waste a second more."
This time, she took matters into her own hands, and began rubbing a wet tissue on my cheeks to get the foundation off.
"Lia no!"
"Shh."
A slender finger came up to rest on my lips, and my eyes fell close automatically at the touch.
"Shut up, and let me do my job."
"Yes ma'am", I whispered back before I could help it.
When my eyelids lifted again, I saw her inches away from my face. Her breath tickled my cheeks, sight fixed to my lips, hands scrubbing at them to remove every trace of red stain from the corners.
"Close your eyes", she commanded softly into my ears. "We don't need the mascara anymore."
Rendered breathless by her presence, I was unable to protest. Wordlessly, I did as she told.
"Almost there… and done, good as new. How do you feel?"
Releasing her hold, she pulled away. The spell was broken.
"Better", I managed to answer between a few coughs. "What do we tell Harper though?"
"Tell her Idalia thinks Harper is naturally beautiful, so genetically, she figured her niece will be, too."
Wait, did she just–
...call me beautiful.
I couldn't help the blush that rose to my cheeks, and I thanked heavens for supplying the melanin hiding it effectively. I suppose changing the subject would help.
"You have no idea how much wrath I'll be risking you to face, if Harper finds out you're the one behind my bareface today."
She flashed one of her brilliant smiles at me, and stated with playful assertiveness, "some things, or shall I say...some people, are always worth the risk."
.
.
.
String lights and velvet decor gracing the Edenbrook atrium made for a great view, but the scumbags attending the gala were surely spoiling the appeal. I've been here only for an hour, yet I could feel my social energy draining.
Not that I had much to begin with, but let's say Lia coming very close to my face before I left my house helped with the mood. Now that I had already socialized with a lot of donors and administrators, I found myself growing increasingly impatient for the arrival of known faces, my roommates. Maybe one roommate in particular.
The doors of the hall swung open, and there she was. Adorned in magenta and a beaded seashell necklace, chestnut hair falling in cascading waves on her shoulder, she was the embodiment of her own very apt surname, Grace. Just one tiny out-of-place observation, she happened to be standing with her arm linked to Dr. Ramsey.
The pair strode in, swift but composed, and made a beeline for the corner Harper was standing in, followed by our roomie gang. They all huddled together near my aunt for a small strategy chat, and the comic factor in the plastered smiles they were all wearing by the time they emerged from it, finally broke my trance at seeing Aphrodite herself at a hospital gala.
Still, I couldn't take my eyes off her. They followed her every move, as she posed with her mentor in the photo booth, and waltzed through the room, schmoozing and persuading donors to supply funding. For as much as anyone would hate that job, I could see, clear as day, the determination in her eyes. Edenbrook was somehow so special to her, she was putting her all into making sure she wouldn't have to let go of it.
I marveled at her passion, her incredible resilience. Under no circumstance has she ever backed down without a fight, especially when it comes to things which really matter to her. In moments like these, I feel proud that my heart chose her to offer itself to.
After a few moments, I saw her approaching me, a wide grin on her face.
"How's it going, warrior?", I asked her. "Good to see you guys finally made it. Didn't miss me too much, did you?"
"You wish! We were too busy doing shots in the living room."
"Way to make me feel better, huh?"
"Can't help it babe, if nepotism has its downsides too."
I opened my mouth to banter back, but no words came out. Some jokes are jokes only because they're so fucking true.
"...yeah, sure, I guess", I managed to speak out.
The gears in her head started turning at that, I could feel it. All cheerfulness vanished from her stance, and the conversation.
"Aurora… oh my gosh, I'm so sorry shit I shouldn't have made that joke."
"No, I understand", I croaked, struggling to keep the wetness pooling at my waterline from spilling over. "I know it was meant in good humour, but… you're damn right. Nepotism has almost too many downsides, like for real."
I fell silent, noticing that the middle of a party might not be the best place for such intense proclamations. Sensing my hesitation, Idalia took my fingers in hers, urging me to go on. And I did.
"Logically I'm an adult of almost 30, capable of making independent decisions. However, when I look back, till today, all career decisions I had made were somehow related to my aunt. My parents made me join Edenbrook because she is there, and I hated it at that time. But later when I started warming up to it because of my friendship with you guys, I decided to ignore that and shift to a whole new hospital just because I want to work separately from my aunt. Now when I wanna come back here for what might be a few last months, she thinks I'm not capable of finding myself an opening next year without her pulling some strings. And to top it all, I learnt some brand new information that the Kenmore job I had previously thought I secured due to saving someone's life in a deli, is actually because my then to-be boss wanted to lure my aunt into working there. What am I, freaking fish-bait? My entire career I spent running from my aunt, and somehow, no matter how far I think I reach, my worth is still drawn back to there, to our relation. No matter how much I run, I fail. It's never enough."
I gasped for air after venting so much in a single breath. Her palm squeezed mine one more time, her other hand traveled up and down my back in soothing motions.
"Breathe Rory, I'm here for you", she assured. "And if you're struggling so much, then don't run."
My head shot up to glance at her face.
"What do you mean?"
"If you're so tired, stop running. Confront it head on. Talk to Harper Emery."
"What… like now?"
"Yes, now. I don't wanna hear a single word of complaint."
.
.
.
Lia and I stood in my aunt's office, waiting for her arrival. I was partially leaning on her, and her hand still clutched mine tightly, thumb stroking it's back. As soon as Harper entered, we both straightened up and looked towards the door.
"What is it, Aurora? I heard you wanted to talk."
Looking up, she noticed Idalia standing next to me.
"Oh, I see you brought company."
"Erm… I'll just let you both–"
"Stay", I called to her, before I could think. On impulse, my hand found hers again at lightning speed.
With unsure eyes, she glanced into mine.
"Please, I need you here", I implored in hushed tones.
A small smile, a little shake of head, and another squeeze into my fingers – her form of reassurance. Suddenly, a lot was better with the world.
"Ahem, may we begin?" Harper grounded us both back to reality.
Yeah, I might have stared for a beat too long.
"Well yes, of course. So… I heard Tobias and you talking the other day. I know why Kenmore hired me."
"You… but what were you even doing there?"
"Doesn't matter. What matters is that you knew Tobias was using me as a pawn, and you didn't stop him."
"It's not that simple, Aurora."
Sure, that same old rotten excuse for her actions. I couldn't keep my anger at bay any longer, that one sentence set me off.
"You always keep saying that, but it seems pretty simple to me. You used me, and you didn't even bother to inform me you were doing it. Idalia heard it too!"
"I did", she chimed in politely. "But I'd trust you on what you heard Aurora, even if I wouldn't do the same. Harper, I believe you have some explaining to do."
"I do", she conceded. "But you have to understand Aurora, that I was as much of a pawn in Tobias's plan as you were."
I raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She immediately jumped to clarify.
"I know I know, it's hard to believe, but it is the truth. Ever since I stepped down from administration, Tobias has wanted me at Kenmore. Till date he refuses to take no for an answer. I promise I had no idea he planned to use you as leverage until you actually got that offer."
"Then why didn't you tell me?" I probed, heartbroken.
"Because I couldn't bear to spoil it for you! After you got that offer, you were so happy, so proud! You deserved it. And I… imagine how hurt you would have been if I had told you the truth back then."
"Much less hurt than I am now", I expressed. "You lied to me, Harper."
"I know, and I'm so sorry. When I saw you thriving at Kenmore, I just… didn't have the heart to take that sense of accomplishment away from you."
"A FALSE sense of accomplishment, might I correct you. I was a fool for thinking it was my achievement."
"Don't you dare, Aurora Emery!" A third voice interrupted the conversation.
"Don't you even dare to assume that your achievements are anyone else's but your own", Idalia announced confidently. "You were Edenbrook's top intern for 3 consecutive weeks, you handled a triage in your intern year with utmost efficiency, you stood up for what you thought was right on the day of my hearing, and now you're one of the most sought after residents in Kenmore. Heck, you helped me diagnose a random man without knowing any history, corrected my misdiagnosis, and saved his life within five minutes, while you were off the clock. Was your aunt there that time? Despite the reason people employ you, there's no denying that when you take up cases, you save lives. You're a hero, Dr. Emery!"
Wow, why hadn't I thought of it like that!
"Idalia, stop saying words and making me cry."
She jumped forward to engulf me in her arms. Bordering on turning into a full-on crybaby, I wrapped my arms around her too.
Harper smiled at us from the corner of her eyes, and for the first time that evening, I recognized some genuine emotion in her.
She let out a heavy sigh. "Girls, please take a seat. Let me have a final word with you."
We both untangled ourselves and obeyed.
"Listen, I am deeply sorry to you, Aurora. When the five year old you first expressed your wish to be a doctor, your mom surrendered all your big dreams to my care. Ever since, through all these years of teaching you, guiding you, I don't know why, I developed this odd all time need to keep you under my wing. As if it's my duty to fix every job related issue you face, be it in employment, progress, or navigating industry politics. I thought I was helping you, but I never realized I was suffocating you, making you lose confidence instead. Today, Idalia here opened my eyes. Seeing you so doubtful of your abilities, and your friend having to reimplant that confidence in your head taught me a lot, that I myself should have done that a long time ago. Should have had your back, cheered from the sidelines, not done your job for you. I'm so extremely sorry, my dear."
The genuine remorse in her expression told me she was being honest. Maybe she deserves another chance. Maybe my mental peace deserves a chance, my freedom does, and holding grudges would only pull me back.
"I forgive you, aunt Harper. Just remember to keep in mind and follow what you learnt."
"I will try with all my heart, I promise. Now, do I get a hug?"
"I should get one, so I'll take that anyway."
Harper opened her arms for me, and I ran into her, hugging back. It was a new feeling– honestly, communication, clarity. After as long as I can remember, it actually felt like I was hugging my family, not some fancy covered-up imposter.
"This was nice", I said.
"Indeed, but I can't keep you both for long. There are some donors outside who require my attention, so I'll leave it to you. Enjoy the party, you two."
Giving a last ruffle to my hair, and sending a grateful look Lia's way, she ducked out. Alone with Lia, I could finally hear my thoughts.
"Feeling better?" She enquired.
"Yeah, but my hair's all messed up."
"Since when did you start caring?" Lia said with a giggle.
Couldn't argue with that.
Stepping forward, she brushed a stray lock out of my eye. "You look cute though."
I simply stared at her with wonder and amazement.
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?", asked Lia.
"This… whatever you said, did, the whole time you were here. You make people wanna fall in love with themselves."
"That's cause you are worth of falling in love with! Do you realize, you just did this, faced your deepest fears head on. No shying away. I'm so proud of the doctor you've become."
"You think I'm a good doctor?"
"Always thought so. Since day one, when you were having a shitty time, and you still changed your tone to the softest possible to make Annie feel comfortable. Isn't that something?"
A thread of bittersweet flashbacks ran through my mind, and I sighed.
"Nah, what's the point? Back then, I used to be horrible to you."
"Doesn't matter, Ethan was the same. Look at us now, we're such great friends."
"Friends?"
There, this was my chance. I had to ask.
"An even better friend than… me?"
She slowly smirked in the slyest manner.
"No way Emery, you're always the best."
The broadest shit-eating grin took over my face. That went so incredibly well, I couldn't help push my luck a bit further.
"What reason do I have, to believe you on that?"
"Hmm… let's see. Ethan has a cute nickname for me, but instead, I have a cute nickname for you, right?"
"Yeah, you do", I acknowledged through my helpless smile. Two soft arms came up to pull me towards her and I readily surrendered into the embrace.
A short while or an eternity later, Idalia pulled back. I could still smell her earthy perfume from the prolonged closeness. When she slid her hand down the curve of my face, she rested it there.
"Rory, you're beautiful, in the truest sense of the word."
"Lia, I–"
A deep breath was sucked in, can't tell by who, and my eyes dropped for once to her slightly parted lips.
"Yes?"
Her honey pools might have cast themselves down to look at my lips as well, before glancing back into my eyes.
With great difficulty I attempted to form words.
"I think, I think I..."
She bit her lower lip in what I thought was anticipation, and I couldn't keep my eyes open, or words flowing any longer. Breaths were mingling, as our faces came closer and closer together.
There would only be a moment until…
"AURORA!"
Harper's voice broke through the magical quiet of her office, prompting both of us to jump apart.
"Oh, sorry, I see you both were…"
"Shit shit, I have to go", Lia blurted before scampering out of the room.
"Aurora dear, so sorry to interrupt. You left your phone downstairs, there were all these notifications, and I just had to tell you. You've received several emails from all the hospitals you had applied to across the globe. The one in Britain, another in Australia, and two others in Boston, including Kenmore, said they'll welcome you to complete your residency under their name next year, in case Edenbrook shuts down. And I honestly pulled no strings this time. Congratulations baby, I'm so proud of you."
A yelp escaped me, and I promptly squeezed Harper in a hug once again.
"Aunt, that's great news! Looks like I'm ready to fly on my own."
"That is for sure", she beamed. "Just one last life tip from my side. Keep her, she's good for you."
"What? No… who? I don't know who you are–"
"Shh, I know. And as a female person of colour in this privilege dominated world, I've been through my fair share of 'partners' trying to colour my ambitions as "too much". If you have someone who supports your growth, try your best to not let them go."
The smile I answered her with allowed me to admit just how much I wanted to follow that advice.
"I'll keep it in mind", I said.
"Now go get your girl."
I spun the other way and took after her.
Oh dear, where did she go!
The atrium as visible from above the staircase showed no signs of her.
All other vacant rooms too were closed, where then could she be?
Suddenly, it dawned on me. The private garden near the psychiatry department. The place she carries herself to anytime she's overwhelmed by strong positive or negative emotions.
And as expected, I spotted her there.
"Idalia!"
"How in the world did you find me?" She quizzed, turning sharply to look around.
"I'm a doctor, I observe. More so when it comes to people who matter. And as for you, rest assured, I'll always find you."
"Aurora", she voiced my name, as if impatient to come forward to take my arms in hers.
"Can I–"
"Yes you can."
She cut me off with her lips on mine. And at that very moment, with pleasant surprise, I discovered the all-consuming glory of what heaven on earth could feel like.
After we came up for air, both of us connected our foreheads together. Between tangled emotions, we whispered at the same time, "I think I love you."