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"Goddamn. Remind me why we decided to have a sleepover in your basement during winter - it's fucking freezing." Bucky shivers, tugging his thin blanket around him tighter.
"Oh you know exactly why," Steve replies smugly, "making hot cocoa at 1 am and blasting Last Christmas at 6 am to wake up my mom". It was a plan that entered their brains way back over summer break, the only thing they could really look forward to during their junior year.
"Okay, yeah, sure," Bucky says, giving up entirely. Fuck life.
"Besides, Buck, you're just jealous I'm up here," Steve says, gesturing to the bed he was lucky to be on at this point.
"Well, I think you're missing out, this is some nice floor." Bucky acknowledges, determined to deny Steve's accusation.
"Bucky it's concrete." Steve deadpans, fake disappointment written on his face.
"It's basically the same fucking thing you little shit." Bucky fires back, Steve barely finished what he was saying.
"Ooooooh, Buckkyyy, you must be tired, you're cursing more." Steve jokes, grinning like an idiot. It's no secret he does it just to rile Bucky up.
"Oh, you wanna see how much I can curse?" and with that, Bucky leaps up and lunges for Steve, including the bed, for that matter, and proceeds to drag Steve out of it. Bucky widely searches for something to use as a weapon, and he grins when his hand reaches something familiar.
"Suck it!" Bucky whisper-shouts, smacking Steve straight in the face with a pillow. Steve's shaking, but it's easy to see he's trying not to burst out loudly in laughter.
"BITCH" Steve hisses dramatically, producing a pillow out of nowhere and bashing Bucky with it.
"Gasp, Steve Rogers, cursing? In his own house?" Bucky taunts, fully battling with Steve now.
"Fuck you, Barnes, fuck you" Steve gasps, raising his arms above his head, and bringing them down fast. Well. Shit. The pillow hits Bucky on his shoulder, but it's just enough for him to lose his balance.
"Fine yo- aCK SHIT OH MY- STEVE FUCK HELP," Bucky says in a panic. Steve's hit has him hanging off the side of the bed, clinging on as if it's a high drop. Steve holds out his hand to help Bucky, but when Bucky looks up, Steve's just giving him the middle finger.
"And I quote 'suck it.'" Steve says, yet his seriousness dissolves into laughter when Bucky sticks his tongue out as he slides down the side of the bed. Bucky lands on the floor and lays down, staring at the ceiling as he feels all the warmth leave his body once more. Bucky can hear Steve breathing heavily, and decides to match his breath to Steve's. As if it'll take his mind off the constant feeling of cold.
They lay there in silence for a while, basking in each other's presence. Steve speaks first, "Get over here, jerk". Bucky complies. Bucky shuffles around to help Steve put the pillows in order, then climbs in. Steve's bed is relatively small, but Bucky doesn't mind. Bucky drags his blanket up along with him, and attempts to wrap it around him and Steve. It works well enough.
"Move over, punk," Bucky murmurs, and Steve sighs softly, scooting away before tucking his body closer to Buckys. Bucky does the same, moving his arm into the small space between them. Steve's scratchy old tee shirt rubs up against Bucky's arm, yet Bucky can't find it in himself to fix that. It's moments like these that Bucky wants to hold onto forever, the small moments where all Steve and Bucky have to do is exist, and exist together. (Bucky may not know it now, but Steve...Steve loves these moments too.)
Fuck this. Bucky's too tired to care about his anxiety, so he goes for it, takes the leap of faith. He brings his other arm up, to tug Steve closer, tucking the other boy's head into the crook of his neck. After Bucky's done that, he lets his arms encompass Steve, one rests on Steve's waist and the other strokes his back. Bucky rests nuzzles his cheek in Steve's hair, breathing him in. Out of everyone, Steve was the person that calmed Bucky the most. Steve always felt as if comfort was a person. Steve's soap and fresh linen fragrance were possibly the only thing that actually dissolved Bucky's anxiety. Suddenly, Bucky hears Steve gasp, and he feels his body tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop, preparing himself for the worst. Bucky can feel Steve's heartbeat pick up, and Bucky prepares himself to be shoved away. Desperate to keep his thoughts from saying, rejected. What Bucky didn't expect was for Steve to place a small, brief, barely there, kiss on Bucky's neck. Holy shit. Holy shit. Bucky can his face flush, lets out a stuttering breath he didn't realize he was holding. In reply, Bucky simply tightens his embrace and grins to himself, trying to take in what the fuck just happened. Because seriously, what. Bucky practically stops working - all he hears is Steve breathing and his brain stuttering thoughts because Steve, his best guy, has just shown Bucky that he also has feelings, the same feelings Bucky has and Bucky thinks he's going to explode. Before Bucky can deep dive into his thoughts again, his brain comes back online, and Bucky slowly forms a full sentence.
"Um, I kinda think we should talk about, y'know....what's going on, but also, I can finally feel my fingers again, this is comfy and I don't want to get up," Bucky says, putting his thoughts out there.
"I won't say you're wrong," Steve replies after a beat, "so how about we just talk now without moving." Bucky shifts his head a bit, which he hopes is a sign enough for Steve that he agrees.
"You kissed my neck" Bucky starts, brain going back and forth between excitement and confusion.
"You cuddled me first" Steve replies, just as confused as Bucky visibly is.
"Yes, but can I please get some context about why you kissed my neck" out of everything that's what stumps Bucky the most.
"I did it on impulse if you really wanna know," Steve says quickly, with a hint of aggravation Bucky almost missed. Almost.
"Steve, don't do that. I never said I didn't like it" Bucky tells him, voice barely above a whisper. Before they were doing it so as to not wake up Sarah, but now, the emotions run over Bucky's throat like a first drink in days, making his tongue thick and his voice small. Bucky moves his hand to rest on Steve's shoulder, holds him there.
"Oh, c'mon buck- wait what?"
"Ste-viee, of course, I liked it.." Bucky says, pausing because he wants Steve to catch on with what he's saying, what he's confessing. 'Cause, the truth is, Bucky's had a 'crush' on his best friend for a while now. But Steve's been silent for a bit now.
"Fuck Steve, your really gonna make me say it?" Bucky fake pouts, though it's a mask for his anxiety which, hello, has returned.
"Say what Bucky? That you hated i-" Steve says, a hitch in his words and a strain in his voice.
"No, punk," Bucky cuts him off, "of course I liked it, I like you." Bucky pauses, hesitant. Telling Steve that Bucky's got feelings for him was something Bucky thought he'd take to the grave. Because for so long he spent loving Steve from a distance, never getting too close for fear of being pushed away. Somehow, Bucky found that once he started speaking, he couldn't stop. The words that had been buried in his throat, eating him out for years, all tumbled out at once.
"And just to make it clear, so I don't have to beat it into your thick asshole skull, I like-like you. I want to be with you, and kiss you, and hold your hand, sappy shit like that."
"You wanna kiss me?" Steve replies, voice barely a whisper. They're both still tucked close to each other, but Steve raises his head to look Bucky in the eyes. Bucky chuckles, "that's what you got from that?" Dick move Steve, dick move.
"Yeah," Steve breathes, yet before Bucky can form a retort Steve leans in and connects their lips.
At first, their noses bump, and in the corner of his eye, Bucky can see Steve's ears redden in embarrassment. Soon, however, both boys get the hang of it, until their mouths are gliding over each other's, a synchronized dance. Bucky grabs the nape of Steve's neck to pull him in closer, and their kiss deepens. Steve slides his tongue in and around Bucky's mouth, drawing out notices that Bucky didn't even know he could make, making Bucky whimper for more. Steve's hands fasten themselves in Bucky's hair, and every so often Steve'll tug just a bit, and Bucky keens. Bucky brings his hand up to Steve's face, softly brushing his fingers over every edge and curve, gently caressing his skin. Bucky drops his other hand from the back of Steve's neck and uses both to cup his face and pull him in. Steve gasps, but it's lost as Bucky's mouth swallows it before it has a chance to escape.
They kiss lazily, desperation and want winding down into a fluttery I-just-want-to-hold-you moment. Steve rests his forehead against Bucky's, breath mixing with the other boys'. Bucky can see Steve's eyes dart around his face, seeming to memorize every bit. It breaks Bucky's heart - Steve isn't sure this will last. Bucky wants to show him that, yes, this won't disappear, won't slip between Steve's fingers. Bucky rolls over, rests his head on Steve's chest, tucks himself into Steve's side. Both boys' hands wander, exploring each other, taking advantage of the touching they didn't have before. Bucky grabs the long-forgotten blanket from the edge of the bed and snuggles closer.
"You love me?" Bucky whispers, voice muffled by skin and cloth.
"How could I not?" Steve replies, threading his fingers through Bucky's hair.
They don’t go to sleep that night. They lay tangled together all throughout the night, talking and not talking. For hours they just be , existing in the essence of earth other, all the way until the sun peeks its’ way into the room. Golden sunlight hits every corner, and in its light, the two boys seem otherworldly, here in the magic of the early morning.
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