Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I called you here,” Benzaiten began, addressing the Seven Fortune Gods who were gathered around a table in a conference room.

“I’m more curious about why Ebisu isn’t here. Is something going on with him again?” asked Okuninushi in his gruff voice. He reclined back in his chair.

Benzaiten resisted the urge to gnash her teeth at the mention of Ebisu. “Yes, actually. The topic I wish to discuss with you all concerns him specifically.”

“Is he in trouble again?” Bishamon abruptly stood up, looking worried. The rest of the Fortune Gods followed suit, sitting up straight or getting to their feet in alarm.

Benzaiten held up her hand in a gesture to stop. “Please relax, Bishamon. He‘s not in any danger,” she said.

The Fortune Gods exchanged confused glances as they settled back into their seats.

“So what is the issue? And why can’t we talk about it with Ebisu?” asked Hotei.

Benzaiten set her mouth in a straight line before clearing her throat. “You’re all aware of Japan’s current financial crisis, correct?”

“My shinki and I have been working our asses off thanks to the damn thing! Of course we know about it!” said Okuninushi, slamming a fist onto the table.

“Yeah, the country is boned,” added Hotei. “We’re going to be facing our own Great Depression if the economy isn’t fixed soon.”

“Are you referring to the devastating economic depression that occurred in Western countries during the 1930s? I wouldn’t go that far,” objected Fukurokuju.

“No, Hotei is right,” said Okuninushi. “This is an issue that should be the top priority of every deity in Japan right now.”

Fukurokuju blanched and Jurojin shuddered, but Bishamon turned her attention back to Benzaiten. “So? What about the financial crisis?”

“I’ve found the cause of it.”

For a few moments, no one said anything.

“Ha, no way!” Okuninushi’s laughter broke the silence. “Are you serious? What is it?”

Solemnly, Benzaiten removed a notebook from the folds of her sleeve and placed it in the center of the table. “As you can see, I’ve placed several bookmarks in this journal. Please open to those pages and read the highlighted sections,” she said as the other gods leaned in to peer at the notebook. It was bright pink with the words Kofuku Ebisu stamped on in glittery letters, accompanied by stickers of hearts and flowers.

“You mean to say that Kofuku- I mean, Binbogami, is responsible?” asked Bishamon, a note of relief in her voice at seeing the goddess of poverty’s pseudonym. “Anyone could’ve guessed that.” The other gods murmured in agreement. Okuninushi muttered a few choice curse words against the goddess of poverty.

“She is, but she’s not the only one,” said Benzaiten. “Read the pages I mentioned.”

Bishamon tentatively took the notebook and opened to the bookmarked pages. The other gods crowded around her to read over her shoulder. Their puzzled expressions became looks of disbelief or shock as they read through the cutesy handwriting done in sparkly gel pen.

“Benzaiten, are you sure this information is trustworthy?“ asked Bishamon. She looked up from the notebook to show a troubled look on her face. “Kofu... Binbogami is prone to lying- she calls herself Yatogami’s girlfriend as well.”

“Exactly,” Okuninushi cut in roughly. “Ebisu would never-“

“Look at the dates,” said Benzaiten grimly. “They align perfectly with each time the economy took a serious hit.”

“Well, this would not be the first time Ebisu’s done something... unsavoury,” admitted Fukurokuju, referring to the fishing god’s penchant for keeping strays and ayakashi as servants.

“Using strays and ayakashi is one thing,” Okuninushi bellowed, “but I know this goes against everything Ebisu stands for! I refuse to believe it!”

“Yes, there is a possibility that this source of information isn’t reliable,” agreed Benzaiten calmly. “This diary is just further evidence I acquired after my shinki brought the situation to my attention.”

“And how did you get Binbogami’s diary?” asked Bishamon, frowning.

“My attendants hired someone to extract it. If it isn’t the bona fide article, my shinki at least believe it is. Otherwise they would have stung me when giving it to me.”

“But how did your shinki know about the whole thing?” said Hotei.

“They were informed by Ebisu’s shinki.”

“Why would Ebisu’s shinki tell your shinki about this? Are they plotting something?” said Bishamon, her brow furrowed in thought. The war goddess was all too familiar with shinki betraying their masters, and worried that Ebisu was facing the same problem. Her eyes widened as another thought occurred to her. “Could this be the work of the crafter?”

“Oh, Ebisu’s men didn’t have any bad intentions when they shared this news!” Benzaiten hurriedly reassured her. “I only learned about the whole thing by accident, actually.”

—-

Benzaiten strolled along the water’s edge, her dress dappled by sunlight that was filtered by the rosey blossoms of the cherry blossom trees. She loved taking walks like this by the streams in the vast woodlands surrounding her estate. The water’s constant flowing motion helped her to focus and relax.

Her peaceful mood was soon interrupted by the sight of two of her attendants lounging under the shade of a tree on the stream’s bank. That on its own would’ve been a heartwarming sight, but the attendants were in the company of two men in business suits. Benzaiten would know those suits anywhere- only Ebisu made his shinki dress like that. The two male and two female shinki were chatting, laughing, and sitting too close to each other for the goddess’ liking.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat to get the group’s attention once she was a few feet away from them.

“Oh- My lady!” The attendants scrambled up to bow to their mistress. Ebisu’s shinki followed their example, springing to their feet and offering apologies to Benzaiten-sama for taking up her servants’ time.

“There’s no need to apologize,” said Benzaiten reassuringly, a forced smile on her face, “but I would like to know what business you have on my estate.” They were at the very edge of the goddess’ estate, far enough to be considered not part of the property at all, but Benzaiten wanted these men gone as quickly as possible and would use any excuse to make them leave.

“We were just asking if any of your shinki had free time to help us out on Nakatsukuni,” said one of the men. “Our boss has been kind of working us really hard lately, so...”

“Unfortunately, it’s against my policy to allow my shinki to work in mixed-sex environments,” said Benzaiten with as much regret as she could muster. Her attendants cast their gazes down awkwardly.

“They could work with our female employees! Ebisu-sama has plenty of women shinki-“

“Send some of these women shinki to ask us instead, and I’ll consider it,” interrupted Benzaiten.

Sensing that there was no room for further discussion, the men bowed and thanked the goddess and her attendants for their time before leaving.

Once the men were out of sight, Benzaiten turned to her attendants. “What was that all about?” she hissed.

The attendants flinched. They knew the aversion their mistress had towards romance, and she was particularly vigilant about her shinki having any positive relations with the opposite sex.

“My lady, I swear nothing inappropriate happened!” said one attendant.

“Yes, Ebisu-sama’s men were doing exactly what they said- requesting aid with their tasks!” the other attendant chimed in.

Benzaiten narrowed her eyes doubtfully. She wasn’t getting stung, so her shinki were telling the truth, but she wasn’t ready to drop the matter yet.

“Your chat looked awfully friendly for a work-related discussion,” she said.

The two attendants glanced at each other, then one spoke up. “My lady, they had a good reason to ask us for help. Ebisu-sama’s shinki are under dire circumstances at the moment.”

Benzaiten raised an eyebrow, inviting the attendant to continue. Ebisu’s shinki, in trouble? She had to begrudgingly admit that was a genuine cause for concern. She remembered the incident where the Heavenly Guard raided the fishing god’s estate and slaughtered a numerous amount of his shinki while he was in Yomi.

“You see, Ebisu-sama has recently taken Binbogami-sama as a lover-“

Benzaiten’s brain came to a screeching halt at the word “lover”. She didn’t even register the attendant saying “so he’s quadrupled the workload of his shinki to mitigate Binbogami-sama’s afflictions on Japan…”

—-

“I... see,” said Bishamon. She would still keep in mind the possibility of the crafter being responsible, but for now she’d just take Benzaiten’s word for it.

Benzaiten’s eyes closed briefly, and when she opened them, her mood abruptly shifted from serious to borderline hysterical. “So now you all can see why I didn’t invite Ebisu here!” she cried. “He not only betrayed us, he’s a traitor to all of Japan! I can’t even think about him without remembering the fact that he- he’s- doing that with Binbogami, of all people!”

“Please calm down, Benzaiten. There must be something we can do about this,” Bishamon tried to assure her fellow goddess.

“My solution is that we destroy Binbogami,” said Okuninushi, a little too eagerly. “Let’s kill that accursed Kokki of hers while we’re at it!”

“I don’t think we need to resort to such drastic measures!” Bishamon argued.

“Bishamon,” began Okuninushi, with a glare and razor-sharp tone that almost made the war goddess recoil. “You’re not a god of wealth like me and Ebisu so I don’t expect you to understand, but our little queen of jinxes is bad news in the financial world. One time she made physical contact with Ebisu when he was a child, and Japan’s stock market crashed the very same day. Unlike you, Ebisu and I can’t just kill the ayakashi she unleashes and call it a day. We have to constantly keep careful watch over the country’s market and resources. If we,” he gestured to the gods gathered around the table, “don’t take ‘drastic’ measures to end this relationship immediately, both the Near Shore and the Far Shore will be left completely destitute.”

“...I see your point,” conceded Bishamon. “I apologize, Okuninushi; it was presumptuous of me to speak without considering the financial consequences of their affair. But I still think this issue can be resolved peacefully. Binbogami is my friend, after all.”

“Yo, why is Ebisu banging Binbogami anyway?” said Hotei brazenly. “I thought he hated that chick.”

Benzaiten looked at the fat god like she wanted to maul him. “Please, Hotei, refrain from referring to it in such crude terms. Or better yet- don’t speak at all,” she said, her words dripping with venom.

As Hotei muttered a half-hearted apology for his grievous sin of using frat boy slang, Bishamon offered her own theory. “Perhaps this is partly the fault of his new guide. Kunimi’s approach to raising this Ebisu was radically different from Iwami’s method of raising the previous Ebisus, and Kunimi most likely didn’t teach his master about how romantic affairs between gods can be dangerous, so Ebisu was led astray by- ahem- feelings of lust.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense,” agreed Hotei. “A bad guide can turn any good god into a deity that causes disasters.” Fukurokuju and Jurojin murmured in agreement.

Elsewhere in Takamagahara, Kunimi gave a violent sneeze before he resumed downing his seventh cup of black coffee in a row.

Back in the conference room, Okuninushi frowned, deep in thought. “Love is a mysterious, fickle thing. But bad guide or no, Japan’s top god of wealth dating the goddess of poverty completely defies all log-“ He stopped abruptly as a memory came to him.

A series of images flashed through his mind: last year’s matchmaking festival at the Divine Council, the wooden plaques containing people’s fates, the section where the gods’ plaques hung, the goddess of poverty’s plaque-

With Binbogami’s plaque, Okuninushi had done the usual: he snapped it away from the rest of the gods’ plaques, brought it over to the shinki’s plaques section, and tied the knot between Binbogami and her one and only shinki while muttering the blessing he always recited for this particular couple: “May the gods bless and keep you two… far away from us!” That year, however, another plaque had gotten tangled with Binbogami’s as Okuninushi removed it from the gods’ area. The matchmaking god had done his best to untangle the two plaques, but he’d been in such a hurry to get Binbogami’s match over and done with that he only succeeded in removing the extra plaque once Binbogami’s was securely tied to her shinki’s.

Okuninushi slowly replayed the scene in his mind’s eye, trying to remember if he’d seen which god the extra plaque belonged to. To his horror, he realized the name and face on that extra plaque belonged to none other than Ebisu. And it wasn’t Ebisu’s plaque that had been removed from the tied pair- it was Daikoku’s.

“Shit.”

Okuninushi’s chair made a clattering sound as it was knocked over by the matchmaking god leaping to his feet. The other gods swivelled their heads in his direction.

“I just remembered- I have some extremely urgent business to attend to!” he blustered while heading to the door. “Let me know what solution you guys come up with later!”

“Wait, Okuni-“ But Benzaiten’s words fell on deaf ears, the door already swinging shut behind Okuninushi.

“Are you kidding me?!” the celibate goddess whined. “Way to abandon the team, Okuninushi!”

“I wonder what’s up with him,” said Hotei, not sounding interested in the slightest. The other gods shrugged.

Bishamon turned back to Benzaiten. “So, do you have any propositions deal with this situation?” she asked. “If not, I can personally talk to Binbogami and Ebisu-“

“Oh no, simply talking to them isn’t good enough,” Benzaiten cut her off. The celibate goddess’ foul mood was fading and being replaced by a more sinister look. “I fully intend to let other gods know about this. We’re going to humiliate Ebisu and Binbogami before making them break up, and I will ensure that they can NEVER forget the shame they’ll feel.” Her voice rose as the words tumbling from her mouth became increasingly passionate. “Their disgrace will last as long as I live!”

“I don’t think either of them are capable of... feeling shame,” said Bishamon, reluctant to dampen her friend’s good mood. The war goddess knew all too well that neither the fishing god nor the goddess of poverty felt any need to conform to social norms.

“Everyone already hates Binbogami, and Ebisu’s rep isn’t spotless either after his previous incarnation got executed for… y’know,” added Hotei.

Benzaiten shot him a murderous glance, before snapping into a more serene mood. “We can still try to make them feel bad for their actions,” she said pleasantly. “I, for one, will be gathering more evidence on their relationship. I ask that you all do the same. No need to be subtle about it! Get as many rumours going as possible. I’ll come up with a time and date for us to publicly confront Ebisu and Binbogami about this, and an appropriate punishment for the two of them.”

Her charming smile and gracious way of speaking made it seem as if Benzaiten had never been angry in the first place, despite the threatening things she was saying. If nothing else, her fellow Fortune Gods could say her capriciousness surpassed and made her shine out amongst other gods.

Chapter Text

“Why are we going to Takamagahara?” asked Hiyori. She had just arrived at Kofuku’s house, invited by a text from Yukine.

“Because,” said Yato, adjusting his bandana, “Nora told me there’s something interesting going on with the Seven Fortune Gods, and that I wouldn’t want to miss it.”

“Nora told you?” Yukine asked sharply. “How do you know this isn’t a trap, Yato? Maybe she’s leading you to a confrontation with someone, like that time with Kugaha and Bishamon-“

“No, it’s nothing like that!” Yato reassured his shinki.

—-

“So what’s the news you wanted to share with me, stray?” asked Yato coldly, his icy blue stare piercing the kimono-clad girl.

Nora smiled. “Oh, Yato, you know I don’t like being called that...”

“Answer the question!”

“There’s discord among the Seven Fortune Gods,” she said.

Yato narrowed his eyes.

“But,” she continued, “it‘s not because of me or Father, I promise. If anything, you were the one who contributed to the problem.”

“I contributed...? Hey stray, tell me what the hell you mean! What IS the problem?”

“It involves one of your friends,” Nora said teasingly. Yato grit his teeth. There she went again, speaking in mysteries, never telling the full truth.

His former shinki surprised him as she stated outright, “If I tell you it’s because of that time you were hired to steal Binbogami’s diary, would you believe me?”

Yato’s eyes widened. It was true; just recently, two women had called and asked him to steal Kofuku’s diary in exchange for five yen. He felt bad about stealing from his own friend (at least without her knowing- he loved taking all of Kofuku’s money when he tricked her into giving it), but a job was a job. The women had given him the condition that he wasn’t to read any of the diary’s content, and although it had been a powerful urge for Yato, he managed to resist the temptation of opening it up.

“I...” He would never in a million years admit that he believed Nora.

“At any rate, the Seven Fortune Gods will be holding a meeting soon to deal with the issue, and anyone who hears about it is welcome to attend. So do with that information what you will- the meeting might prove to be of value to you.” And with that, Nora was gone, leaving behind only a splash of water droplets.

—-

Yukine remained sceptical, a scowl on his face. “...Well, whatever,” he finally said, resigned. “If worst comes to worst, you have a blessed vessel- me- to protect you.”

“Yayyyy! That’s my boy!” Yato smothered Yukine with a hug which the shinki tried to fend off.

“I wonder what’s going on with the Seven Fortune Gods…” mused Hiyori.

“Hey, Hiyori-chan! Are you coming to the Seven Fortune Gods’ meeting too?” called Daikoku as he stepped out of the front door of the house, joining the three younger people standing outside.

“Good morning, Daikoku-san,” said Hiyori cheerfully. “Yato and Yukine-kun invited me to go with them, so I guess I am.”

Kofuku shot out of the front door like a missile. “HIYORIN! Can you believe it? Daikoku and I have been ordered to attend this meeting, on pain of death if we don’t show up!” the goddess of poverty complained as she clung to the high schooler.

“On pain of death...?” echoed Hiyori, confused. What on Earth could the Seven Fortune Gods’ meeting be about that the goddess of poverty’s presence was absolutely required?

“Don’t act like that, Kofuku. We all know you’re dying to go to Takamagahara to wreak havoc,” said Daikoku, half-joking, half-serious. Kofuku pouted at her shinki revealing her true intentions.

“Oh, so the pain of death part was just a joke?” asked Hiyori, relieved.

“No,” said Daikoku, frowning. “It’s strange that they’re threatening us like this- even when the missus made me her shinki, and when we popped the 80s economic bubble, no one had ever threatened to kill her. What business do they have with us now?”

“It’s a mystery~” smiled Kofuku, not looking the least bit concerned.

Hiyori was starting to get a sinking feeling in her stomach. Kofuku and Daikoku being threatened, the fact that Yato was accepting an invitation from Nora- the circumstances for this meeting were shady and Hiyori didn’t like it.

Yato didn’t give her time to dwell on her growing anxiety as he shouted, “All right, let’s get going!”

The four of them crowded around him as he placed a hand on Hiyori’s homemade shrine. With a flash of light, all five people were transported to Takamagahara.

Chapter Text

Hiyori was surprised to see so many people as she filed into the large conference room with Yato and Yukine. There were gods and shinki sitting down or standing around chattering- some of whom Hiyori recognized from the Divine Council, while the rest were unfamiliar. She could see Takemikazuchi and Kiun (who were thankfully too engrossed in conversation with other people to notice Yato), and even Tenjin and Tsuyu. It looked like almost every god in Japan wanted to know the Seven Fortune Gods’ urgent business.

She spotted all of the Seven Fortune Gods sitting at the front of the room with briefcases placed on the table in front of them. Their shinki- presumably their guides as Hiyori noticed Kazuma and Kunimi among them- were in chairs right behind their masters, talking amongst themselves. Daikoku and Kofuku had been given front-row seats, but neither of them were sitting as Kofuku dashed towards the god Ebisu, with Daikoku chasing her down. The two of them were stopped by men in suits, sunglasses and headsets (What are they, politician’s bodyguards? thought Hiyori) who directed the goddess and shinki duo back to their seats.

“That’s strange,” murmured Yato behind her. “The Fortune Gods don’t look like they’re mad at each other...”

“What?” asked Hiyori.

“Nora told me there was discord between the Fortune Gods, but they all seem to be getting along pretty well right now,” replied Yato in a low voice.

“Discord?!” Hiyori repeated, shocked.

“Not all of them,” said Yukine. “Look at Benzaiten-sama and Ebisu-sama.”

Hiyori couldn’t immediately tell what was wrong with the business suit-clad fishing god since he was wearing his usual blank expression, looking unperturbed. But she began to see Yukine’s point as she noticed that Benzaiten was shooting dirty looks at Ebisu and Kunimi, who were sitting farther away from the rest of the group, and Kunimi had a nervous expression while saying something to his master. The headset-wearing men from earlier were surrounding the god and his guide, forming a barricade around the two.

“Ah geez, how much trouble does that guy have to get himself into?” sighed Yato. “I really hope Nora was telling the truth and none of this is my dad’s doing...”

Hiyori and Yukine murmured in agreement before the three of them settled down in adjoining seats that were placed in a front corner of the room and gave a view of most of the audience’s faces.

A few more minutes passed, more people came into the conference room, when finally the sound of a mic turning on echoed around the room.

“Thank you all for coming,” boomed Okuninushi’s voice. “The matter that the Seven Fortune Gods have deemed urgent enough to call everyone to this meeting for is none other than the ongoing financial crisis in the Near Shore. Bank runs, hyperinflation, government debts, mass unemployment, crop prices dropping, housing market crashes, the stock market collapsing- you name it! Everything that can go wrong is going wrong!”

Whispers erupted around the room. Hiyori herself had heard plenty about the crisis. Even though they were wealthy doctors, her parents and brother were extremely worried about their future. Hiyori, for her part, was studying extra hard for post-secondary and had taken on a part-time job to save up cash that would hopefully help if worst came to worst. She was even praying to Yato daily for his protection against financial woes, although she didn’t know if he could actually help with that, given his own money-management skills. She leaned forward, her focus all on Okuninushi as he spoke.

“Financial crisis? Lame. Where’s the drama?” Yato complained beside her. Hiyori and Yukine simultaneously shushed him.

“But don’t worry, folks! We’ve discovered the divine root of this issue. Yes, this financial crisis is being caused by gods! And this meeting is where we’ll be taking steps to fix the problem.”

More whispers. Hiyori’s gaze wandered to Kofuku, who was looking at Okuninushi like a kid watching a movie at a theatre. Most eyes in the room were on the goddess of poverty and her shinki, the most obvious suspects. But the fact that Okuninushi had said “gods” instead of “a god” made Hiyori think that the blame didn’t lie on Kofuku and Daikoku- or at least, solely on them- this time.

Okuninushi turned to the side and handed the microphone to Benzaiten, who seemed to be trying to contain her excitement.

“Yes, it’s just as Okuninushi said,” she began. “The disasters currently occurring on the Near Shore are because of the gods’ negligence. But we will be negligent no longer.” Her tone became regretful. “We, the Seven Fortune Gods, hesitated to reveal the cause at first, because one of our very own members is involved.”

Murmurs rippled throughout the audience. The Seven Fortune Gods had been causing an awful lot of trouble for both the Near Shore and Far Shore as of late. Hiyori glanced at Ebisu, separated from the rest of the Fortune Gods. He still looked calm, as if Benzaiten was merely reporting the weather.

“It brings me much shame and sorrow to say that this is the fault of our very own Ebisu, who is currently in an intimate relationship with the goddess of poverty.”

The murmurs exploded into a cacophony of exclamations and shouts of confusion and horror. Hiyori was stunned. “K-K-Kofuku-san... and E-Ebisu-sama?” was all she managed to say.

“Holy shit,” said Yato softly.

“N-no way...” stammered Yukine.

Hiyori was aware that Kofuku had always been very fond of Ebisu, but Kofuku also expressed similar sentiments towards plenty of other people, what with her brief ‘relationship’ with Yusuke, calling herself Yato’s girlfriend, and so on. None of it meant she’d actually been in an intimate relationship with anyone other than her beloved Daikoku. And on Ebisu’s end- Hiyori had heard enough from Kofuku about what the god of wealth thought of the goddess of poverty. Spoiler alert: he hated her guts (not that Kofuku cared, of course). Hiyori couldn’t fathom what on heaven or Earth had brought the two polar opposite deities romantically together...

She looked at Ebisu, one of the centers of everyone’s attention. He appeared mildly surprised, as if he’d just been told that his favourite item on a restaurant’s menu wasn’t available. It was a complete contrast to Kunimi, whose eyes were bulging and face had gone very pale. He was gripping his master’s shoulder as he whispered urgently into Ebisu’s ear. Based on his reaction, Hiyori figured Kunimi had been as much in the dark about Ebisu’s relationship with Kofuku as everyone else in the audience was.

Hiyori’s eyes turned towards Kofuku, the other center of everyone’s attention. Daikoku was facing his master with a dumbfounded expression. Kofuku lightly hit herself on the head, a sheepish smile on her face that seemed to say, “oopsie~ the cat’s out of the bag now!”

Benzaiten looked ecstatic at the commotion her statement had caused, while the rest of the Fortune Gods were either turning away from the audience, or staring straight ahead with solemn expressions.

One voice in the crowd rang out above the rest. “You’re lying! There’s no way that’s true!” The rest of the audience started murmuring in agreement. A relationship between Japan’s most beloved god of wealth and the universally reviled goddess of poverty did not make any sense.

“Yeah, are you just doing a repeat of the Jurojin incident?” another voice called out.

“You’re just doing a smear campaign to satisfy your own grudge!” a third one added.

Benzaiten’s euphoric expression instantly became a death glare, her eyes shooting daggers at the three people who dared to contradict her. She brought the microphone closer to her mouth. “First of all, Jurojin’s relationship was a very real issue for the Seven Fortune Gods, as romantic relationships go directly against our group’s policy. He abandoned his godly duties in favour of chasing after some lowly harl- I mean, some random woman!” she spat acidly.

The tottering old god protested against Benzaiten’s contemptuous words in his creaky, unintelligible voice. Benzaiten ignored him.

“Second: The liaison between Ebisu and Binbogami is having far more devastating consequences for both the Near Shore and Far Shore, and thus calls for more extreme measures. And thirdly,” here Benzaiten’s smile and friendly tone returned, “I don’t blame you for not believing me. It is very hard to believe Ebisu would consort with Binbogami of all people, no? That’s why we’ve collected physical evidence of their relationship- to show that we are, unfortunately, telling the truth.”

Hiyori had heard that Benzaiten was prone to mood swings, but it still surprised her to see the goddess’ attitude do a complete 180. But wait, what evidence were the Fortune Gods going to show? Hiyori felt her heart beat with trepidation.

Benzaiten gave the microphone to Bishamon, who was taking something out of a briefcase.

“We have the personal journal of Binbogami, which she has labelled with her pseudonym, Kofuku Ebisu,” the war goddess said. She placed a pink notebook on the table, and a projector lit up, displaying Kofuku’s diary in all its glittery glory on a screen behind the Seven Fortune Gods.

It’s almost like they got married, and now Kofuku-san is Mrs Ebisu… Hiyori quickly dismissed the amusing thought about Kofuku’s fake name from her mind, feeling a twinge of guilt as she remembered Daikoku and his affectionate ‘missus’ nickname for his master.

“Bishaaaaa! How did you get my diary?” Kofuku whined, loud enough for Hiyori to hear.

“Oh crap,” muttered Yato. “So that’s what Nora meant…” Hiyori was too focused on Bishamon and the diary to ask Yato what he was talking about.

Bishamon ignored Kofuku. (“Thanks, skank!” Yato whispered, grateful that the war goddess wasn’t exposing him) “The entry where Binbogami first makes reference to the relationship between her and Ebisu is dated at the first week of two months ago, which is precisely when the stock market crashed and the banking panics started,” she said, flipping open the diary. She took a deep breath, and began to read in a monotonous voice.

“ ‘Just got back from Hawaii. Tan almost everywhere. Ebi-chan almost everywhere. Hee hee. Oh diary, what a week! I had sex with Japan’s top god of fortune! I don’t know if this is going anywhere. Ebi-chan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one-time mistake, but we had sex six times so you tell me. More tomorrow. Xoxo, Kofuku.’ “

Hiyori had to slap a hand over her mouth to suppress a snort. Yato wasn’t as tactful and let loose a loud snicker. Thankfully they weren’t the only ones making noise, with both muffled laughter and cries of dismay echoing around the room, but she still felt horrible for laughing. This was a private matter that none of them had any business in, and it was probably torture for Daikoku to have to listen to the amorous words his missus had written about another man, but at the same time... the way Bishamon’s serious manner completely contrasted with Kofuku’s writing style as she read it out loud, the way Kofuku phrased things, the sheer absurdity of the revelation that Ebisu was Kofuku’s lover- all together it was just too much to take seriously.

She flicked her eyes around the room, checking for other people’s reactions. Yato was wheezing, Yukine was flustered, Kazuma was facepalming, Ebisu was frowning, and Kunimi’s face was a mask of horror. Daikoku was putting on a brave face, but his eyes and cheeks were shining with tears. Hiyori guessed it was taking all his effort to not sting his master right there and then.

Kofuku, completely oblivious to her shinki’s grief, looked beside herself with glee. To Hiyori’s displeasure, the goddess of poverty’s expression was reminding her of the picnic where Yato kissed Bishamon. Kofuku had looked elated there too as she snapped pictures of the outrageous incident and sent them to everyone. No doubt she was enjoying the uproar that was now spreading among the gods because of her.

Bishamon snapped the notebook closed and set it down with a steely expression. Hiyori had to marvel at her ability to remain so calm- the high schooler would never have been able to read that whole diary entry out loud with a straight face.

“There are other entries detailing further… fornications between the two, whose dates coincide with each time an economic disaster occurred. We’ve printed multiple copies of this journal, and everyone is welcome to grab a copy after this meeting is over,” said Bishamon.

“Nobody here has a right to read my diary!” Kofuku objected loudly. Her protesting words didn’t match with her delighted facial expression. Daikoku was hanging his head and slumping in his chair next to her, evidently unable to show his face any longer.

“Crap, I should’ve made them sign a contract guaranteeing my anonymity,” Hiyori heard Yato say under his breath. “Sorry, Kofuku…”

“What was that?” said Hiyori, her attention on him now. “Yato, did you have something to do with this…?”

Yato froze, confirming her newfound suspicions. “Please don’t tell Kofuku or Daikoku!” he pleaded, surprising Hiyori by gripping her shoulders.

“What did you DO?” hissed Yukine. “If you gave the Fortune Gods that diary, Kofuku-san and Daikoku-san will probably hate you just like Bishamon-sama does-“

“What they don’t know can’t hurt them!” Yato said desperately. “Hiyori, Yukine, please don’t tell them!”

“No promises,” said Yukine, a menacing look on his face. “If you pull a stunt like this again, I might accidentally let it slip out that you-“

“Anything but that! I promise to be good from now on!”

“We’ll see,” was all Yukine said, before another voice on the microphone rang throughout the room.

“For Exhibit B, we have a photograph of Binbogami and Ebisu from their time in Hawaii,” Okuninushi announced, placing a piece of paper onto the table. The projector lit up again, and Hiyori was subjected to the sight of- was that Kofuku without a top on?

Panicked, Hiyori averted her eyes from the offensive picture, but found her gaze sliding back to the screen out of a blazing curiosity fuelled by the wolf-whistles of a few bold audience members and appalled exclamations from everyone else.

In the photo, Kofuku was bedecked in tropical flowers and a swimsuit (minus the aforementioned top), and was directing a smile that matched the surrounding sunshine in brightness towards the camera. Her arms were wrapped around Ebisu, who was wearing a straw hat and Hawaiian shirt. His stern demeanour gave the impression that he was at a professional business meeting rather than lounging on a beach with a half-naked girl clinging to him.

“Yukine, don’t look!!!” Hiyori heard Yato say as the god used his hands to cover his young shinki’s eyes.

“What? Was that Kofuku-san?” said Yukine confusedly, unable to see what was on the screen.

“It’s not something for kids to be seeing!” Yato insisted, before speaking in a low, admiring voice. “But wow, leave it up to Kofuku to take a picture like that. I wonder if they’re giving out extra copies of this too...”

Hiyori could practically hear him salivating over the photo, and felt a flash of… irritation? Jealousy? No, it couldn’t be jealousy! She was just upset that Yato was being a pervert again.

“Yato,” she said icily, “you need to set a good example for Yukine-kun, remember?”

“Can you cut Ebisu out of the picture?” one daring audience member shouted, not helping Hiyori’s point at all. The request was followed by hoots and cheers of approval from similar-minded leches. Hiyori tried not to think about Daikoku’s current mental state.

“This photograph was purportedly sent to the majority of Ebisu’s shinki by email. By accident, of course. The sender wishes to remain anonymous,” said Okuninushi over the clamour. Kunimi was burying his face in his hands, most likely tormented by the fact that despite being Ebisu’s guide, he’d been completely unaware of the open secret shared among the rest of Ebisu’s shinki.

Hiyori couldn’t tell what Ebisu was thinking at that moment, because his face was turned away as he stared at the projector screen behind him. She felt a moment of discomfort as she realized the fishing god seemed a little too fixated on the photo of himself and the topless Kofuku.

Kofuku-san is really bringing out the worst in everyone here... thought Hiyori despairingly. She didn’t think she’d be able to look at depictions of Japan’s renowned fishing and commerce god the same way ever again.

The projector screen finally turned off, evoking boos from titillated audience members and sighs of relief from the rest of the crowd.

“We have NOT made extra printed copies of this photograph, in order to respect Ebisu’s and Binbogami’s right to privacy,” said Okuninushi. Hiyori made an effort to ignore Yato’s disappointed sigh. Personally, the high schooler felt that after showing Kofuku’s diary and topless photo to a large room full of people, it was a bit too late for the Fortune Gods to respect the privacy of either Kofuku or Ebisu now. But who was she to question the wisdom of the great Okuninushi? She was just a normal human among gods and immortal spirits, after all.

“Next up, we have witness accounts! Hotei?”

Hotei pulled out his earbuds before accepting the microphone from Okuninushi, and picked up a sheet of paper in front of him.

“Yeah, so… this is all pretty crazy, amirite?” the rotund god said, addressing the audience with a lazy drawl. “Anyways, here’s a written account from a dude named Nanami, who caught Ebisu and Binbogami fuc- erm, I mean, in the middle of one of their trysts.” Hotei cleared his throat before reading nonchalantly.

“ ‘I went to Waka’s room to give him his daily dose of pills where I found a pink-haired girl in a high school uniform on top of him. When they saw me, the schoolgirl dove into the closet and Waka called for Houki. The Houki-possessed Waka then grabbed me by the collar, politely asking me to not tell anyone what I’d seen. I think the reason he didn’t want people to know was because it’d ruin his image if it got out that he was boning high school girls.” Were Hiyori’s eyes deceiving her? Ebisu was rolling his eyes as Hotei went on. “This is going to be anonymous, right? You’re not going to tell Ebisu-sama or Kunimi that I told you this?’ ...Oh, woops.”

“THAT’S what you were doing, Waka?!” Kunimi clutched his head as he cried in frustration. “I thought you’d just been exercising and felt shy about it! Damn it, Nanami!”

All around her, Hiyori could hear people exchanging scandalized whispers about Ebisu’s disturbing tastes- high schoolers, roleplay, and even femdom (Where did that last one even come from? Hiyori wondered). She wanted to yell at all of them that Kofuku and Ebisu were perfectly normal people (no, not just people- adults! In fact, Kofuku was older than Ebisu! Or at least this particular incarnation of Ebisu) with perfectly normal desires (not that Hiyori had any way of knowing for certain, but she had faith in the two gods!) and that school uniforms were just Kofuku’s normal mode of dress.

Stay strong, Daikoku-san! Hiyori silently pleaded as she tried to bleach her mind of the mental image of Kofuku on top of Ebisu. No good. If it was this bad for her, an unrelated party, it must be absolute agony for Daikoku.

The (actual) high schooler was startled by the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. She internally breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it was just Yato, but the serious expression on his face warned her not to relax just yet.

“Yato...?”

“Hiyori, promise me you’ll stay away from Ebisu. I’ve seen that guy give you skeevy looks before, and this just proves he’s got a thing for underage girls,” he said grimly.

“S... skeevy looks? When-“ she began nervously, only to be cut off by Yukine.

“Are you talking about when YOU hijacked Hiyori’s body and tricked the previous Ebisu-sama into thinking she was a model and singer so you could join the Fortune Gods?” demanded Yukine, glaring at his master. Yato flinched as his shinki exposed him, but Yukine wasn’t finished. “You sure didn’t seem bothered by the ‘skeevy’ looks Hiyori’s male classmates and teachers were giving her when you went around seducing them with her body!”

“Yukine-kun!” protested Hiyori, feeling her face flush with embarrassment from both the memory of the incident and Yukine’s wording to describe it.

“That was completely different!” objected Yato.

“Oh yeah? How so? Wait- I don’t want to hear it. Just stop talking badly about Ebisu-sama when you have zero ground to stand on, you damn pervert! Worthless NEET!” spat Yukine, contempt radiating from every fiber of his being.

Yato slumped over in defeat. The disastrous conversation between the god and his two companions was luckily interrupted by Benzaiten’s microphone-enhanced voice.

“We have more photos and witness accounts, which you can all look at later on our webpage.” The projector screen lit up to display the front page of the The Seven Fortune Gods’ blog, of which all the posts were about the fishing god and the goddess of poverty (“So that’s why their website was under maintenance earlier!” Hiyori heard someone behind her say). “But for the moment, you get the idea! Would anyone NOW refute that Ebisu and Binbogami are engaging in illicit relations?” Benzaiten challenged.

No one had any rebuttals. “Binbogami,” said Benzaiten, redirecting everyone’s focus on the goddess of poverty, “do you have any statements to make about this whole affair?”

One of the headset-wearing men held up a microphone to Kofuku. She leaned into it and spoke with a bright voice. “Sure do! I’d like to say that Ebi-chan really lives up to the title of fortune god, especially in bed! His dick is ginorm-“

“Alright, ENOUGH!” thundered Benzaiten.

Hiyori truly regretted coming to this meeting. She would’ve been perfectly happy living her whole life without hearing about Ebisu’s genitals.

“Ebisu! Would you like to say anything in your defense?” Benzaiten asked, clearly desperate to change the subject.

Everyone’s attention was on the fishing god as he put a hand to his mouth, a contemplative expression on his face. At least he could be relied on to not speak as raunchily as the goddess of poverty.

Finally he spoke into a microphone offered by one of the headset-wearing men. “Yes, it’s true. As of two months now, I have been in an emotional and sexual relationship with Binbogami. Mainly just sexual.” His confession set off gasps and whispers among the audience. “And I am aware of the financial consequences our relationship is having on the Near Shore,” he continued, “but I have been naming more shinki to set up purification barriers around Nakatsukuni and mitigate the effects of Binbogami’s curses. I’ve also been using protection.”

‘Using protection’ was another phrase Hiyori never ever ever wanted to hear said about or said by Ebisu. She was unaware that among gods and spirits, the phrase had a double meaning- wearing condoms or using purifying salt to protect against evil energies- and that Ebisu was using it in the latter sense.

“Well, as of today, you two are BREAKING UP!” Okuninushi forcefully announced, his voice rumbling throughout the room even without a microphone.

“Is that absolutely necessary? I am confident in my shinki’s abilities to handle the economic crisis-“

“No, Waka!!! Please, listen to Okuninushi-sama!!!” Kunimi pleaded.

“Kunimi-san has it rough,” murmured Yukine. “It’s probably his fault this whole mess even started. He should’ve been paying more attention to Ebisu-sama.”

“I just feel so sorry for Daikoku-san!” Hiyori said quietly. “This whole meeting must have been terrible for him!” It had been terrible for Hiyori too, but not in the same way.

“Definitely,” Yukine whispered. They could agree that both Kofuku’s and Ebisu’s guides couldn’t catch a break. Could any guide, really?

Meanwhile, Okuninushi was declaring the sentence for the two star-crossed deities with his powerful, reverberating voice. “Binbogami, goddess of misfortune and poverty, and Ebisu of the Seven Fortune Gods, the two of you are to cease all contact with each other for the rest of this century and the next three. Each of the Fortune Gods have assigned a select few of our shinki to constantly supervise you both while this sentence is in effect. Failure to comply with this condition will result in the swift termination of the offending party’s guide.”

The crowd roared, split between approval and disagreement; the people disagreeing felt that the sentence wasn’t severe enough.

Hiyori thought four centuries of no contact with a person you loved was a bit harsh, but reminded herself that a few centuries was nothing to a god. She let herself feel a pang of sympathy and concern for Daikoku and Kunimi instead, whose lives were being unfairly threatened. Why were guides always used as hostages in squabbles between gods?

She glanced at the headset-wearing men, just now realizing they were probably the Fortune Gods’ selected supervisor shinki Okuninushi had mentioned. While looking at the ones surrounding Kofuku and Daikoku, she caught a glimpse of Daikoku openly crying on his master’s shoulder. Kofuku had a small smile on her face as she patted her shinki’s back, but it wasn’t a mean-spirited smile- it reminded Hiyori of a mother comforting her child.

The meeting seemed to be concluded, as the audience’s ruckus wasn’t dying down and people were getting to their feet. The Fortune Gods were crowding around Ebisu, who was also giving his distressed guide a hug, albeit much more awkwardly.

Even with all the noise, Hiyori felt relieved that the ordeal was over. Kofuku was back with who she belonged with, and Ebisu was firmly among his own people again, not to be tempted by Kofuku. The curtain was finally closing on the strange affair between the god of wealth and the goddess of poverty.

Chapter Text

Kofuku and the Fortune Gods were currently being swarmed by crowds of curious spectators who had plenty of questions to ask, although the people around Kofuku were keeping a safe circumference of distance around her. Yukine had run over to Kazuma, dying to talk with his mentor about Takamagahara’s latest scandal, leaving Hiyori and Yato by themselves to join the throng of people filing out of the conference room. They stood in the hallway while waiting for Yukine, talking quietly amongst themselves.

“Yato. Hiyori-chan.” The god and the high schooler froze at the sound of Daikoku’s grave voice. “I saw the two of you laughing. I had to listen to detailed accounts about my missus’ affair with another man, and you were laughing...”

Hiyori let out a small eep as the older man loomed over them, a haunted look on his face.

“Daikoku/Daikoku-san, we’re so sorry! Please forgive us!” Yato and Hiyori simultaneously cried, throwing themselves at Daikoku’s feet. They knew his disappointment in them was well-deserved, and they both felt stricken with remorse.

Daikoku didn’t look impressed with their apology. “Whatever,” he said gruffly. “Just don’t come to our house for the next couple of days. Yukine can stay, though.”

Yato scoffed. “Like I’d leave my boy in a broken home-“ he cut himself off, instantly regretting his words.

Too late. “A broken home, you say?” said Daikoku, his voice dropping an octave. Hiyori felt shivers go down her spine as the room temperature seemed to drop by twenty degrees, and backed away when she saw the shinki cracking his knuckles. “I suppose you’ve got a point there, Yato. Better for all three of you to stay away from me and the missus, where you can laugh at our relationship problems from a safe distance!” He swung a fist at the god, but Yato was already sprinting away. “GET BACK HERE, JACKASS!”

Hiyori didn’t think Daikoku was the type of person to hit women, but she also didn’t want to risk angering him any further, and joined Yato in his escape from the raging shinki.

Once they were out of Daikoku’s range of attack, Hiyori turned to the god to admonish him. “That was horrible, Yato! Why did you say that to Daikoku-san?”

Yato rubbed his neck, looking guilty. “It just slipped out. Sorry,” he said. Hiyori sighed.

“It‘s a sensitive topic, after all,” he went on, surprising her. “Even if we did everything we could to make it up to him, it’s not like we’d be able to help with his pain from learning about Kofuku and Ebisu’s relationship. That‘s something only the people involved can do. But man,” he said exasperatedly, “it’s really not his place to expect fidelity from a god. He’s just a human, and a dead one at that. Hopefully he won’t sting Kofuku too badly after all this.”

Hiyori blinked. She knew from mythology that it was the norm for gods, especially famous gods, to have many lovers. But to hear Yato say it himself- that a human shouldn’t expect a god to be a faithful partner- it made her feel as if her own heart had been stung.

“Wow. That was surprisingly mature, coming from you,” said Yukine, distracting Hiyori from her momentary melancholy. She turned towards him as he jostled up beside his master.

“Hey, give me some credit! I have over a thousand years’ worth of wisdom!” Yato complained.

“Yukine-kun!”

“Hey, I’m back,” he waved, ignoring his master’s protest. “Heard you went and got on Daikoku-san’s bad side... again,” he said, referring to Yato’s tendency to provoke Daikoku into giving him a beating.

“I feel awful! I shouldn’t have laughed!” Hiyori burst out. The sadness she felt from Yato’s earlier words about gods and fidelity was already ebbing away as Yukine snorted at her and Yato’s distress.

“Iki-san!” Hiyori turned to the direction of Aiha’s voice. Bishamon’s combat outfit shinki was running towards the trio, followed by a weary Kuraha and a Kinuha whose expression didn’t match with Aiha’s enthusiasm as they trudged behind her.

“Oh, hello Ai-”

“You’re all close friends of Kofuku-sama, right? Did you know about her dating Ebisu-sama all along? What was their relationship like?!” Aiha asked breathlessly once she caught up to the trio, her eyes shining with excitement.

“W-well, she actually kept it a secret from all of us. Not even Daikoku-san knew about it…” said Hiyori, intimidated by Aiha’s ardor.

The shinki girl gasped. “Of course! He’s a god of wealth, she’s a goddess of poverty- Their love is forbidden, taboo, so naturally they’d have to keep it a secret!” She nearly swooned as her imagination went into overdrive. “And now they’ve been violently torn apart! Will their love survive and conquer all? I’m rooting for you, Kofuku-sama!”

“Don’t pay any attention to her,” Kuraha said gruffly. “She and Tsuguha also got like this when Ojou and Yato-sama… y’know.”

Gah, why did he have to bring that incident up? Hiyori just laughed nervously in response while Aiha rambled on about her fantasies of Kofuku and Ebisu’s tragic romance.

“I think Kofuku-sama and Ebisu-sama’s relationship will be the only thing ANYONE in Takamagahara talks about for the next long while,” said Kinuha casually. She flipped open her phone and showed the screen to Hiyori and co. On her browser app, she clicked through numerous tabs, all showing different websites but all featuring the same thing: videos, discussions, pictures, headlines and articles about the news the Seven Fortune Gods had just dropped not even a full hour ago.

“Woah, news sure travels fast in Takamagahara,” commented Yukine.

“Would you look at that, someone’s already posted Kofuku’s beach picture with Ebisu edited out!” Yato crowed as he checked his own phone.

So much for respecting Kofuku-san’s privacy… thought Hiyori drily, recalling Okuninushi’s statement on why the Fortune Gods hadn’t made extra copies of the photo. She dreaded having to check Yato’s phone.

“Honestly, I’m more interested in what Kofuku-sama said towards the end.” Kinuha exhaled a puff of cigarette smoke before saying, “Is it true that Ebisu-sama is packing?”

“O-Kinu, please! We’re in polite company!” exclaimed Kuraha, disappointed but not surprised by the shamelessness of his fellow Ha clan member.

It took Hiyori a few seconds to understand what Kinuha meant. When she did, her face became heated.

“Woah, woah, woah! There are kids here!” Yato said while covering the ears of Yukine, who just looked confused and irritated by his master’s infantilization. “But if you really want to know,” the god went on, “Kunimi is your best bet for finding out. He’s a possession-type shinki so he definitely knows all about Ebisu’s-“

“Let’s not invade Ebisu-sama’s privacy!” interrupted a flustered Hiyori, unwilling to hear the rest of Yato’s sentence.

“Is that Iwami-san?” Aiha thankfully changed the topic by pointing out Ebisu’s former guide. The group’s eyes turned to the direction she was looking in and found the ancient shinki making his way through the crowd of exiting audience members, accompanied by Mayu.

“I wonder what old Iwami makes of his master hooking up with the goddess of poverty,” Yato snickered.

As if in response to Yato’s mocking question, Iwami and Mayu started to head straight in the group’s direction.

“Yato-san! Iwami-san and I just arrived from Nakatsukuni. Were you at the meeting? Do you know where Michizane-sama is?” demanded Mayu.

“Uhm, last I saw him he was still in the conference room with Tsuyu…”

“I wish to speak with him and Ebisu-sama. I need to leave Tenjin-sama’s shrine and return to my master’s estate! No doubt Waka’s latest indiscretion was because of my foolish negligence,” said Iwami abjectly.

“But aren’t you still in hiding? If you go back to Ebisu-sama’s estate, the heavens will catch wind of it,” Kuraha argued.

“That’s not important right now. I must stay close to Ebisu-sama to keep an eye on him and prevent him from any further immoral behaviours, which Kunimi-san has clearly failed to do.”

Mayu and Bishamon’s three shinki were taken aback by Iwami’s sharp tone. None of them had ever heard the old shinki speak negatively about anyone.

“Oh, now you’re concerned about making sure your master doesn’t get into trouble. Where was that energy when Ebisu was keeping masked ayakashi and dying repeatedly, huh?” Yato retorted, unfazed. He had only met Iwami once before in a brief interaction in which they hadn’t exchanged any words, so he didn’t realize the peculiarity of Iwami’s current behaviour.

“Yato-!” Yukine glared at his master, and the rest of the group made exclamations of disapproval at Yato’s rudeness towards the old shinki.

Iwami deflated. “You are right, Yatogami-sama,” he said. “I have always been a useless guide for Ebisu-sama, and I am unworthy of standing by his side again. But, I will say one thing in my favour: Under my guidance, Ebisu-sama NEVER engaged in sexual relations with the goddess of poverty.”

So this is just going to be, like, a permanent stain on Kunimi-san’s reputation I guess... Hiyori internally deadpanned. It was quite possible that the stigma Kunimi would face from letting Japan’s most beloved fortune god date the goddess of poverty would be greater than the stigma of being a stray.

“Perhaps I am being too hard on Kunimi-san,” Iwami admitted. “I, too, unwittingly played a part in pushing our master towards Binbogami-sama.”

“No way...” Hiyori and the group were shocked. They all leaned in, wanting to hear more details.

“Ebisu-sama sought my advice after he returned from Hawaii- He asked me how to deal with the conflicting feelings that he harboured for a person he had fooled around with during his trip. Ignorant of who this person was, I told him to pursue the object of his affections.”

—-

Iwami was sitting on a bench by a stream, soaking in the afternoon sunlight that shone over the park near Tenjin’s shrine. With his mind in a tranquil, meditative state, he watched as ducks swam and sparrows flew by.

“Iwami.”

He turned to the sound of his master’s voice. “Waka-sama! It’s a fine thing to see you again,” he greeted as he took in the sight of Ebisu standing a few feet away from him. In truth, he was overjoyed to see Ebisu again- how quickly the young god had grown into a fine adult!- but old age made Iwami reluctant to speak or act with too much energy.

“What brings you to me at this hour?” Iwami asked, getting to his feet. The god’s neutral face gave no indication of what he might have been visiting his former guide for.

Ebisu took a seat next to Iwami on the bench, prompting the old shinki to sit back down. “There’s something I want to ask your advice about. I don’t think Kunimi would be of much assistance in this matter,” he said.

Iwami didn’t say anything. He just waited patiently for his master to continue.

“It concerns… carnal feelings. And possibly infatuation,” Ebisu clarified as Iwami glanced at him.

Infatuation? Iwami was surprised. Most incarnations of Ebisu had very little interest in affairs of the heart, only seeing sexuality and relationships as commodities to be profited off of and not something to engage in himself.

All Iwami could say in response was, “Yes? What would you like to know about them?”

“I had sex with someone while I was in Hawaii,” Ebisu said bluntly.

Iwami was far too old to be fazed by something like this. “Only once?” he asked.

“No, six times. All in one week,” Ebisu added.

“...I see. Well, warmer climates tend to affect people that way. Are you still in contact with this person?”

His master nodded.

“Do not fret, Waka. I want you to know that it is completely normal to develop feelings for someone after having sexual intercourse with them,” Iwami reassured him, but Ebisu only frowned.

“Of course I know something as obvious as that, Iwami. My main concern is that the person in question is a... very poor match for me. Before we saw each other in Hawaii, I strongly disliked her and made an effort to avoid her. But now I find myself… thinking about her. Constantly. And not in a negative way.”

Oh, that did complicate things a bit. Nothing Iwami felt too concerned about, though. Young people were so quick to fall in and out of love. “So you already knew this woman before your vacation?”

“Yes.”

Iwami paused to think the situation over. “As your humble retainer who has served you for many generations, I offer my own, simple thoughts,” he finally said, laying a hand on Ebisu’s shoulder.

“I can count on my hands the amount of lovers you’ve had throughout your thousands of years of existence, because you’ve always put the needs of mortals above your own and refused to indulge in your lesser desires while pursuing higher goals. But the goal of taming ayakashi for the sake of mortals always results in your death. Your predecessor… didn’t want to die. And that’s likely how many of your previous incarnations also felt while they were on their deathbeds.” He took a deep breath. “So, Waka… this is only a wish on my part, but I want you to enjoy life. Forget your responsibilities if need be. Don’t be afraid of giving in to your base instincts. Despite the conflict you feel within yourself now, if being with this woman brings you happiness, then I think there’s nothing wrong with going after her- granted she feels the same way, of course. Even a casual or purely physical relationship is fine, if that’s what you would prefer.”

Ebisu was silent for a few moments as he stared at his former guide, a surprised expression on his face. “Hmmm,” he finally said in a contemplative tone. “You may be right. Thank you, Iwami.”

—-

“But if I had known the woman he wanted was Binbogami-sama, I never would have encouraged him!” lamented Iwami, burying his face in his hands. Mayu patted the old shinki’s back in an attempt to console him.

“I’ve never seen Iwami-san so distraught,” Aiha said softly. This was Hiyori’s first time meeting Ebisu’s former guide, so she was unaware that under most circumstances, Iwami gave his master a run for his money in terms of expressionlessness.

“Look, Iwami-san! There’s Michizane-sama,” said Mayu, pointing to her master who was just now exiting the conference room. “Let’s go!” She gently tugged on Iwami’s sleeve, who followed without resistance.

“We better get going, too,” Yato murmured to his friends. “We gotta take Hiyori home, and then Yukine and I will come back to Takamagahara to camp out at my property for the next few days...”

“Wait, what?” Yukine’s tone and face made it clear he was not on board with the idea of staying on Yato’s minuscule plot of land.

“We can’t stay at Kofuku’s house! Daikoku is pissed!” said Yato defensively. “And even if he wasn’t, it’ll still be awkward as hell being around those two because of- you know, all that!”

“Because of Kofuku-san’s cheating heart?” Yukine said bluntly. Hiyori and Yato both felt glad the young shinki hadn’t been with them when Daikoku talked to them earlier. He would’ve provoked the wrath of the older shinki for sure.

“Whatever, I’ll just stay at Bishamon-sama’s place while Daikoku cools off,” continued Yukine. “Have fun staying at your tiny place, though. I’ll make sure to visit and feed you at least once a day.”

Yato isn’t a cat… thought Hiyori.

“You would leave your master homeless while residing with his archnemesis?!” cried Yato, indignant. “If you’re going to stay with the skank, then I will, too!”

“I- I don’t think Ojou would take kindly to that idea…” said Kuraha.

“Yukine is welcome to stay with us, though,” added Kinuha.

Hiyori sighed as her two friends squabbled over where they would live for the next few days, with Bishamon’s shinki occasionally interjecting with their own input. She wanted to get to her own house already, do her homework, and hopefully distract herself from thinking about all the recent revelations.

“Yato, Yukine-kun, I’m still here… Just waiting to go home…”

—-

Hiyori lay on her bed, scrolling through Yato’s twitter timeline. Although she’d been ignoring his tweets as of late, her interest had been piqued when the god texted her: I’m getting a ton of followers on twitter now! Kofuku and Ebisu are really helping with my publicity!

Hiyori had muted notifications from all of her Far Shore friends in an effort to forget about the whole thing. She’d learnt too many uncomfortable details about it, had wanted to die from second-hand embarrassment, felt pained on Daikoku’s behalf, and overall it was just a really awkward topic. But Kinuha’s prediction had proven true and a month later, the affair between Kofuku and Ebisu was still all the rage in Takamagahara.

Daikoku and Kofuku were currently on vacation in Monaco in order to repair the rift in their relationship and to escape the scrutiny of the other gods. Their initial plan had been to go to Jamaica (“If we visit there, we’ll definitely be feeling very eerie when we get back!” “It’s pronounced ‘irie’,” Daikoku corrected his master while taking another hit of his blunt), but Yato had vehemently opposed the idea, saying that a developing nation didn’t need a visit from the goddess of poverty. He suggested a trip to Monaco instead, where Kofuku could extort money from wealthy tourists and gamble to her heart’s content.

The workload on Ebisu’s shinki hadn’t decreased as they were all working hard to fix the damage done to the Near Shore’s economy by their master’s inability to keep it in his pants. Although she felt sorry for them, Hiyori was just relieved that Japan wasn’t going to be plunged into a Great Depression, and that her family felt more relaxed about their finances now.

Her musings about the current situation were interrupted by the sight of a tweet about Ebisu on Yato’s timeline.

@yato
Pervert alert. @FortuneFishingGod is back on twitter. All girls under the age of 18, block him immediately.

@VeenasNumberOneBoy
Are you accusing Ebisu-sama of preying on teenagers? Pics or it didn’t happen

@yato
Sure, here’s your proof!

Attached to the tweet was a picture of Ebisu, staring off to the side of the photo with a mildly confused expression as a familiar girl in an idol outfit clung to him- wait a minute, that girl was Hiyori.

Hiyori’s first mortified instinct was to fling her phone away. She forced herself to calm down as she reminded herself that the girl in the photo was actually Yato inside of her. Wait no, that sounded wrong. At any rate, Yukine had assured her that absolutely nothing indecent happened when Yato hijacked her body to audition for the Seven Fortune Gods. The high schooler groaned as she scrolled down the screen to see the rest of the thread.

@VeenasNumberOneBoy
Is that Iki-san?! To think Ebisu-sama would lay his hands on a minor, and a human one at that...

@HoteiInDaHouse
Woah! Not cool, @FortuneFishingGod. Step away from the underage girls.

@totallynormalguywithamonkstaff
First the affair with Binbogami, and now this? My god, Ebisu’s depravity knows no bounds...

Hiyori was furiously typing a response to debunk the ‘proof’ of Ebisu’s perversions. Oh god, and Yato’s tweets already had so many likes, retweets and responses…

@hiyo
Hiyori Iki here. @yato is lying!!! He didn’t mention that it’s Ebisu-sama’s predecessor in that picture, and at the time the photo was taken, Yato was controlling my body via divine possession (AND without my consent)!! Please don’t use my image to defame Ebisu-sama!

Hiyori let out a deep breath as she hit the send button. Now to wait and see if anyone else would see it and respond. In the meanwhile, she continued scrolling through Yato’s timeline, against her better judgement.

Another tweet about Ebisu caught her eye. It was a link to an article titled “Ebisu Now Considered One of Takamagahara’s Most Eligible Bachelors”, captioned with Yato’s insightful remark: “This is some crazy bullshit LMAO”, followed by the equally witty “hey wait i’m a bachelor too! get me on this list!!!!”

Most eligible… bachelors??? Morbid curiosity compelled Hiyori to click the link. Skimming over the page informed her that apparently, the news of Ebisu having a brief fling with the goddess of poverty had increased his popularity among goddesses and female shinki. What on earth… Hiyori would’ve expected the complete opposite. According to the article, the #1 theory to explain this phenomenon was that by entering a relationship with Binbogami, Ebisu- one of the most famous, affluent gods in the country who’d normally be considered out of everyone’s league- had demonstrated a willingness to date people of a different social class. And the fact that he had been publicly forced to break up with Binbogami against his will- clearly he needed someone to heal his broken heart, or so the article speculated.

He didn’t look that broken-hearted to me, thought Hiyori wryly, recalling Ebisu’s untroubled reaction when Okuninushi delivered his and Kofuku’s sentence for dating each other. He had looked mildly inconvenienced, at best.

Hiyori read on. The article reported that the Ebisu Estate was being flooded with love letters. The fishing god’s official statement on the matter was that while he was flattered by all the attention and kind words he had been receiving, he was not in the dating market at this time as he was happily married to his work, which involved a different kind of market.

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” muttered Hiyori, before clasping her hands and offering up a prayer. “Please, O great Ebisu-sama, for the sake of Japan, don’t let your heart wander!”

She was about to close the article when a headline underneath it grabbed her attention. “Ebisu’s guide opens up about his fall from grace and subsequent redemption, reveals details on the Binbogami scandal!” the headline announced. Oh, an interview with Kunimi? Hiyori hated to admit it, but that did seem a little interesting. She clicked on the headline and read.

Interviewer: Mr Kunimi, thank you for joining us tonight.

Kunimi: It’s no problem, thank you for having me. I’ve actually been wanting to clear up some of the rumours and misconceptions that have been going around lately regarding Ebisu-sama and his company, so this is- this is great, thank you.

Interviewer: That’s exactly what everyone here wants to know as well! So let’s get right into it. First off, were you aware that your master was in a relationship with the goddess of poverty while it was happening?

Kunimi: Regrettably, no. Ebisu-sama had intentionally kept it a secret from me, and his other shinki who did know about the relationship also kept me in the dark, as per his request.

Interviewer: And why did he want it to be a secret from his very own guide? Did he tell you why?

Kunimi: Well, obviously, no guide in their right mind would let their master date Binbogami-sama- not that many gods would be willing to date her in the first place.

Interviewer: I would think not!

Kunimi: But Waka- I mean, Ebisu-sama- was determined to keep seeing her and didn’t want my interference.

Interviewer: Woaw, it sounds like Ebisu-sama was quite enamoured with the goddess of poverty! Any idea how the little queen of jinxes might have enticed the top god of fortune himself?

Kunimi: This one- This one had me stumped for a long time too, to be honest. Waka couldn’t explain it himself, of course, nobody can tell why they themselves fall in love- But Okuninushi-sama came to us a few days after the big conference where the whole affair was revealed.

Interviewer: Okuninushi-sama, you say? What did he have to do with it?

Kunimi: So the funny thing is, he told us that he accidentally tied Binbogami-sama’s plaque with Ebisu-sama’s at last year’s matchmaking festival.

Interviewer: No!

Kunimi: I couldn’t believe it myself. I’ve never heard of Okuninushi-sama making a bad match!

Interviewer: Ha! Well, it looks like we’ll need to keep an eye on Okuninushi-sama at this year’s matchmaking festival! Can’t have him creating any more catastrophic couples, can we?

Kunimi: Definitely not.

Interviewer: But Okuninushi-sama aside, I hope you won’t mind me saying that… A lot of people have been blaming you for the whole affair between your master and Binbogami-sama, since it’s a guide’s duty to make sure their master acts properly.

Kunimi: Oh, yeah. Yes. I completely understand that, and don’t blame anyone who thinks the whole thing was my fault. I’ve been losing sleep over it, and I barely get enough sleep as is! Haha.

Interviewer: Oh, that’s not good. Your master might sneak out for more trysts if you fall asleep on the job!

Kunimi: Ha ha, can’t argue with that. I’d definitely like more resting time too, but you’ll have to take it up with my master- he’s a very demanding employer.

Interviewer: So I’ve heard, so I’ve heard! Especially with the current economic circumstances on the Near Shore- Speaking of employment, is it true that Iwami-san has returned to the Ebisu Estate to work for Ebisu-sama?

Kunimi: Yes. He’s been granted an official pardon by the heavens in light of recent events- they consider him crucial to preventing Waka from committing further moral misconducts. Which, as you can see, I was unable to do.

Interviewer: Ouch! That must have been- that must have been quite hard on you. Have you been demoted?

Kunimi: Not quite. Both Iwami-san and I have made serious mistakes in how we’ve guided our master- Iwami-san stood by and let a lot of Ebisu-sama’s incarnations die, while Waka’s involvement with Binbogami-sama happened right under my nose. But we each make up for what the other lacks: I’m able to keep Waka alive, and Iwami-san has the years of wisdom to keep Waka from going astray.

Interviewer: So you’re still Ebisu-sama’s guide?

Kunimi: Officially, yes. But in reality, Iwami-san and I are more like… co-guides.

Interviewer: Co-guides! Now that’s something new. Maybe more gods should start doing that: appointing more than just one shinki as a guide. It certainly sounds more democratic and efficient!

Kunimi: It would make for an interesting change, for sure.

Interviewer: So how are you dealing with the- with all the public backlash from this incident?

Kunimi: Well, aside from all the letters from Waka’s fans and admirers- yes, it’s true, we’ve been getting quite a lot of those lately- I’ve also had to deal with the exact opposite: lots of people sending hate mail- disappointed messages, harassment, all that- to me specifically.

Interviewer: Oh, dear…

Kunimi: But, you know, it doesn’t actually bother me that much- I accept full responsibility for my own failings, and I’m going to do better now. What other gods and shinki think of me isn’t important- my main priority is keeping Waka safe. I’ll prevent any incidents like this from happening in the future even if it kills me.

Interviewer: Even if it kills you, ha! That might not sound like much, coming from a man who’s already dead.

Kunimi: You got me there.

Interviewer: But your devotion to Ebisu-sama is admirable and every bit fitting for a guide. I think we can all rest assured knowing that someone as loyal as you is looking after him.

Kunimi: Well thanks, ha ha. Really, I’m just trying to fill in the big shoes that Iwami-san left.

Interviewer: And I’m 100% sure you will. Now, I’m going to ask you the question that all of Takamagahara has been wondering ever since that conference. We’ve gotten so many letters, emails, phone calls from people dying to know- As Ebisu-sama’s personal attendant, can you confirm if Binbogami-sama was telling the truth when she said that Ebisu-sama is well-endowed?

Kunimi: Oh, ha ha! Right, that. I’m not exactly sure I’m at liberty to say, but, well- Now I don’t mean to toot my own master’s horn or anything, but yes, I can confirm that he’s hung like a horse. It comes with the territory of being a god of fortune- since ancient times, Okuninushi-sama has also been blessed with

The phone was already flying out of Hiyori’s hand as she hurled it to the other side of her room. If she had to read or listen to one more word about old gods’ genitalia, she was going to straight up become an atheist. Goodbye, Yato! Goodbye, Yukine-kun! If only the Far Shore hadn’t been obsessed with Ebisu’s penis, maybe Yatogami would’ve been able to keep a devotee other than his father!

Hiyori gave an exasperated huff as she turned over on her side, ready to sleep and sink into oblivion, where she’d be able to forget everything she’d seen on her phone today. Just as she was closing her eyes, a beep from her phone alerted her to a new message. She considered for a few moments whether or not to ignore it, and finally got up with a sigh.

@yato
Hiyori, delete your tweet! You’re making me look bad!

She stared at the screen. She was too tired and mentally numb to muster up the energy for an angry reply. She settled on sending a simple message instead:

@hiyo
Delete your account

Chapter Text

Three months prior to Hiyori reading the interview in which Kunimi revealed too much information...

The sun was setting on the glimmering ocean while palm trees on the edge of the resort pool swayed in the breeze. Ebisu sat in the shallow end of the pool, blind to all of it; the only thing he was focused on now was the tablet in his hands as he sorted through excel sheets and statistical graphs. He had seen enough wondrous sights for the day when he’d gone fishing earlier on Okuninushi’s yacht. Being the aquatic enthusiast he was, Ebisu planned to take his favourites among the beautiful Hawaiian marine life he’d seen back to Takamagahara for his fish tank.

His concentration on his work was broken by the feeling of something large pressing on his back. A person was hugging and nestling against him.

“Hiiiiii, Ebi-chan!” a familiar demonic voice chirped behind him.

He whipped his head around with a start. There she was: the goddess of poverty and misfortune herself, her face too close to his for comfort. She had no concept of personal space, as usual. The evil entity disguised as an adorable girl was wearing a polka-dotted swim dress, with tropical flowers adorning her hair.

“Binbogami? What are you doing here??” he choked out, disentangling himself from her embrace. At least, Ebisu’s shock made him feel like he had choked out those words. If anyone else could hear his voice, they’d say the fishing god sounded as if he were just slightly nonplussed, barely even bothered.

“I wanted to have fun at a resort pool, and see my favourite fortune god~” Binbogami said. Her face had a bubbly look plastered to it, but it became a worried expression as she gasped. “Please don’t tell Bishaa I called you that!”

Called him what? Her favourite fortune god? He could not care less whether Binbogami considered him her favourite or least favourite person in the world. What Ebisu felt worried about was Binbogami’s plans. The goddess of poverty wanting to have “fun” spelled disaster for everyone within a half-mile radius. Where on earth was Daikoku? The shinki was supposed to always be by his master’s side to prevent her from doing things like this.

“I meant, what are you doing in Hawaii? Did Okuninushi let you use his shrine to come here? Or Tenjin? Where is your guide??” he asked, managing to regain his composure. Unaware that he had never outwardly lost his composure in the first place, he told himself that it would look undignified if he showed any fear.

“Nusshi and Ten-chan would never let me use their shrines for travelling!” Binbogami complained. She swam up beside Ebisu, which in turn prompted him to move further away. “And I had to sneak out while Daikoku wasn’t looking, because he doesn’t let me leave the house.” She pouted as she recounted her tales of woe. “I took a flight here, but the plane crashed mid-route and everyone on board had to go the rest of the way by lifeboat! It’s sooo hard traveling in a lifeboat, you know that? We had to deal with tsunamis, storms, dehydration- Oh, and some people’s limbs got eaten by sharks! All the rescue ships that came for us got shipwrecked, too.”

Did that woman ever feel sorry about how she affected the Near Shore? Ebisu mentally bemoaned that the goddess of poverty hadn’t just drowned while at sea. But there were more concerning matters at hand. If Daikoku wasn’t around, then it fell to Ebisu to get Binbogami away from the hotel, stat. Or better yet, off the island. Ideally, she’d be dumped in the ocean with her feet stuck in cement.

“Perhaps if I asked on your behalf, Tenjin would let you return to Japan tonight via his shrine, since that would be the quickest route,” suggested Ebisu, opting for a more peaceful solution instead. He just wasn’t cut out for bloodshed after all. Ebisu suspected Tenjin would refuse to let Binbogami get within a mile of his shrine, but he was far more likely than Okuninushi to allow her passage. Maybe they could ask the local Hawaiian deities for help in sending Binbogami back.

“But I just got here!” she protested. She was still following him as he kept trying to put more distance between the two of them.

“How about you, when did you get here?” asked Binbogami, ignoring Ebisu’s blatant discomfort.

“About a week ago,” he replied.

A smile resembling the look a fox might have while toying with its prey slipped onto her face. “Would it make you happy if I said the reason I came to Hawaii was just so I could see you?”

“No, it would not. If you have urgent business with me, you could’ve sent a message instead,” he said, trying to stay calm. He realized to his dismay that he had gone a few steps too far into the deep end of the pool, and the pool’s edge wasn’t close enough for him to hold on to.

“But that’s no fun! I also wanna see and do all the cool stuff in Hawaii, like surfing, going to a real luau, and throwing a virgin sacrifice into a volcano!” said Binbogami, oblivious to Ebisu’s plight.

No response from the fishing god. He was alternating between staying completely submerged in the water and just barely breaking its surface, gasping for air.

“Come, Hou-“ Ebisu’s head went back under before he could finish calling for his trusty motor skill-enhancing shinki.

“Um, Ebi-chan?” A vague memory was starting to ring in Kofuku’s mind. Something she had read before... Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t obvious to onlookers when a person is drowning. A drowning person can’t call for help because water is getting into their lungs, making them unable to breathe. They also don’t wave their hands or splash around because their arms are occupied with pushing down and lifting their head above the water.

“Ebi-chan, are you drowning?!” cried Kofuku.

“Yes,” he managed to gurgle, with only half of his face making it out of the water before sinking again.

“Oh, no! LIFEGUARD!!!” Kofuku hollered. The lifeguard, however, was busy with other emergencies.

“The pool is infested with jellyfish!” one pool-goer was shouting as he dragged himself out of the water. Other swimmers weren’t as lucky and were getting entangled in the deadly tentacles.

“Is that a crocodile?!”

“EVERYONE LOOK OUT, RAGING HIPPO ON THE LOOSE!”

Kofuku had no idea where any of these strange creatures could’ve suddenly appeared from. But it meant the lifeguard wouldn’t be coming to Ebisu’s rescue anytime soon, so Kofuku would have to handle the situation by herself.

She propelled herself towards the drowning god, pushing the water back with her arms and legs. She grabbed Ebisu and hauled him to the surface, feeling extremely grateful that she was good at swimming. The last time she’d felt like that was when she’d been on the lifeboat with all those other airplane passengers, surrounded by nothing but unforgiving waters for miles.

Once his head was above the water, Ebisu coughed and sputtered as he took gulps of fresh air. He wrapped his arms around Kofuku’s neck and shoulders, hanging on for dear life.

Kofuku felt a brief thrill of delight at the fact that Ebisu was purposely touching her- something he’d never do under normal circumstances- but her happiness vanished just as quickly when she realized how heavy he was. With great effort, she managed to drag the adult man almost twice her size onto dry land.

Once he was on solid ground, Ebisu feebly pushed his rescuer away. She let him go without resistance, only watching with concern as he shuddered and hacked up more water out of his lungs. She realized with regret that she didn’t know the first thing about helping a person who’d almost drowned.

The previous Ebisu would’ve been unbothered by the fact that someone saved him from drowning- he hadn’t been able to brush his own teeth without assistance, much less swim. But the current Ebisu had been putting more effort into being able to move and do things on his own, and couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit humiliated that he’d been rescued from drowning by Binbogami, of all people. And it was because he accidentally ended up in the deep end of a swimming pool while trying to escape from her. The cruel irony…

Although his pride had been hurt and Binbogami pissed him off, it would be unbecoming of an esteemed deity like himself to express hostility rather than gratitude in response to being saved. “Thank you for saving me,” he muttered, loud enough for her to hear. There, he’d said his thanks. Maybe now she would get out of his hair.

Not ready to leave just yet, Binbogami replied in an unexpectedly gentle tone. “It’s no problem! I’m glad you’re okay,” she said, giving him a subdued smile.

More hotel employees, accompanied by paramedics and animal control, had entered the pool & bar area in response to all the disasters that had sprung up due to the goddess of poverty’s presence. They were cordoning off sections of the vast pool and checking on the unfortunate victims. One woman stopped by Ebisu and Binbogami, giving the washed out god a blanket and guiding him to a seat that was at a safe-enough distance from the commotion. Binbogami finally left the pool, to Ebisu’s relief.

The hotel employee offered to call one of the medics to take a look at him, but Ebisu assured her he was fine. Mostly. He did mention that he lost his work tablet in the pool, but the employee said the hotel wasn’t responsible for the loss or damage of any personal property. Oh, well. He had plenty more tablets to spare.

Binbogami appeared immediately after the employee left. “I got you a drink,” she offered, holding out the glass with a tiny umbrella. “Luckily the bar is still open.”

“I expect it won’t stay open for long, now that you’ve been there,” said Ebisu, his voice dripping with uncharacteristic cynicism. Something about being around stupid people made him lose his ability to remain polite.

“Good thing I got something before it closed, then!” she replied, unfazed. She set the drink down on the seat next to him. “Oh, sorry- I don’t know if it’s okay for a person to drink after...”

He couldn’t take this any longer. Everything about the poverty goddess- from her lack of remorse to her irritating voice, her inability to read the room, and the fact that she wasn’t leaving him alone- was grating on his nerves.

“Binbogami,” he said sharply, “I believe it would be to everyone’s benefit if you left the hotel. Immediately. I will be taking my leave as well.” He stood up and started to walk briskly towards the pool’s exit, only to trip after a few steps, landing on the floor with a thud.

“Ebi-chan?!”

He was just going to pretend that never happened. He got to his feet again and resumed making his way out, this time at a slower pace. Thankfully, Binbogami didn’t try to follow him.

When Ebisu reached the hotel lobby, he paused. His initial plan had been to go straight up to his penthouse suite to get changed and contact Okuninushi about the Binbogami problem, but he could see through the glass entrance doors and windows of the lobby that the nearby seashore looked dazzling tonight, with the moon and stars’ lambent reflections shimmering on the ocean’s surface. He changed his mind about going to his room, and headed out to the sea instead.

Going past the hotel’s driveway and grassy clearing, he reached the line of palm trees and bushes that were rustling in the breeze. Beyond the trees was a steep descent that sloped down to a narrow beach, which the ocean’s dark waves gently lapped against. Ebisu followed a nearby path that led down to the shoreline.

As he stepped onto the sandy surface, he breathed in the warm, salty air. There were other people on the beach; families packing up for the evening, friends laughing, and couples lounging together. The shoreline was dotted with light, with most of the beach-goers gathering around bonfires or waving flashlights and lanterns around. With the sound of the rustling trees above and the lapping of waves below, it made for an overall pleasant atmosphere. Wasn’t that the reason Ebisu had gone on vacation in the first place, to relax and enjoy himself in an environment like this?

He waded into the water, and settled onto a boulder that was part of a cluster of rocks jutting out from a shallow area. Dipping his toes into the cool waves, he could already feel the stress from earlier dissipating.

He lost track of how long he stayed like that, just staring at the ocean and starry sky while feeling the cool air and water on his skin. The rock wasn’t the most comfortable place to be sitting on, but it gave the nicest view. The only thing that would make him feel even better now was if he had a fishing rod to catch fish with.

“There you are!”

Sadly, all good things had to come to an end. For Ebisu, that meant his moment of tranquility being interrupted by that accursed Binbogami. He slid off his boulder as the sound of Binbogami splashing towards him came closer.

“Wait, Ebi-chan! You can stay there, I just want to talk! I promise to leave soon!”

She had saved him from drowning, and it had been slightly rude of him to reject the drink she’d offered. Telling her to get lost- in his own, subtle way, of course- had also been one of his less refined moments. Ebisu sighed internally as basic decency (or was it guilt? No- he owed Binbogami nothing) compelled him to stop moving.

“What business do you have with me now, Binbogami?”

The poverty goddess hopped up beside him on the boulder. Neither of them said anything for a few moments, with Ebisu leaning back against the rock, his arms crossed as he looked at his companion expectantly, and Binbogami swinging her legs as she stared down into the water.

Finally she broke the silence. “I’m............................... sorry for what happened earlier,” she said with uncharacteristic uncertainty. She scratched her head, an awkward look on her face. “Um, it was my fault you almost drowned, so- I’m really sorry about that.”

Were Ebisu’s ears deceiving him? Binbogami, apologizing for causing something bad??? What was the world coming to? No, wait, he knew what was going on. The Binbogami beside him was an impostor wearing her skin. The word “sorry” coming from Binbogami’s mouth was so bizarre, so surreal to hear- A snort escaped Ebisu before he could stop himself.

If it shocked Ebisu to hear Binbogami apologize, then it was equally shocking for Binbogami to hear the ever-impassive Ebisu laughing. She looked at him with wide eyes, her face reddening as Ebisu put a hand over his own face while quietly shaking with laughter. “Ebi-chan...?!”

“It is... quite remarkable to see you, of all people, acting repentant,” Ebisu managed to get out, before forcing himself to speak calmly. “Truthfully, I don’t know whether to be happy or confused by this turn of events. But in regards to what you said- An apology is unnecessary, as you’ve already made up for it by rescuing me.” He cleared his throat, reluctant to say the next part. “And I may also be... partially at fault. I acted in an irrational manner at the pool.”

Binbogami just gaped at him in surprise, which Ebisu felt was undeserved. Unlike her, he had no problem admitting to his mistakes.

It turned out the source of her surprise was something else entirely. “Ebi-chan, you’re really cute when you smile! You should do it more often.”

Oh, god, was he smiling? No wonder his face felt weird. He hurriedly turned away as he made his face settle down into its normal, serious expression. When he turned back, Binbogami made a disappointed “awwww” upon seeing that the elusive smile had disappeared.

“Putting that aside... In future, if you see me in a dangerous situation like that, I recommend you just leave me be,” said Ebisu, his mood becoming somber. “In fact, it might have been better if you had let me drown back then. You were making too much physical contact with me, and I imagine Japan’s economy is already paying dearly for it.”

“Wha-“ Binbogami was caught off-guard by the shift in Ebisu’s tone. “But I couldn’t just leave you to die!” she argued.

“Death isn’t an issue for me- It’s not like we’re truly alive, anyways. We can always reincarnate.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that!” said Binbogami with an unexpected forcefulness. Her breath caught, and- were those tears in her eyes?

Ebisu continued, ignoring her distress. “Gods exist only to help humans. If my staying alive becomes a detriment to them, then it’s better for me to just pass away and let a new Ebisu take my place. Oh, not that I’d expect you to understand, Binbogami. You’ve always been a god that only causes suffering for people.” Why was he telling her this? Why was he sharing some of his deepest, darkest thoughts with a person he couldn’t stand? It was as if the earlier amicable exchange between the two of them had never happened.

Binbogami’s eyes flashed with anger at Ebisu’s insult. “Well, excuse me. I didn’t ask to be born as the god of poverty!”

“Perhaps not,” agreed Ebisu, “but you certainly appear to enjoy living up to your role.” Alarm bells were going off in his head, telling him to stop talking. Provoking the wrath of the poverty goddess would end in nothing but disaster.

But Binbogami didn’t seem to care about that, as she shot back, “Being selfish has worked out just fine for me! I haven’t reincarnated ONCE in my entire life, and I’m the one of the most hated gods in Japan! Maybe you should try living like me, and see how long you can last before dying again!” Her fierce tone became softer. “Bishaa told me your predecessor cried on his deathbed... He didn’t want to die. I don’t want you to die either- nobody does! Not Bishaa, not Yato-chan, not Nusshi, not Kunimi-kun or Iwami... We all want you to live! And if you can’t stay alive for our sakes, then can you at least do it for your past self?”

Ebisu didn’t say anything for a while. Binbogami used that time to wipe away the moisture in her eyes. Just as she was getting off the boulder, Ebisu finally spoke up.

“This is highly ironic. All of my past incarnations died early deaths because they were so eager to fulfill their predecessor’s wishes. But when I actually want to die, I apparently must not, because it goes against what my predecessor wanted. It seems as if I’ll always be following a dead man’s will...”

In response to his self-deprecating words, Binbogami swivelled her head around to glare at the fishing god.

“FINE!” she said, her voice verging on a shout. “If you want to drown so bad, then HERE!”

The petite Binbogami had proven her strength at the pool when she carried Ebisu while swimming, but the larger man still felt startled by the force of her grip as she grabbed his arms and pushed him into the water. The tide had risen, so there was plenty of space between the surface and ocean floor for him to flounder around in. It was shallow enough that he could stand up in the water, but Binbogami prevented that by continuously pushing him down. Ebisu started to panic as he realized she might actually be trying to kill him.

But didn’t he just say he was okay with dying? He told himself that this was completely different. A fortune god being killed by the poverty goddess would have devastating consequences for the Near Shore. Ebisu could die, he just couldn’t afford to be killed by Binbogami. The stock market crashes, the crop infestations, the mass unemployment, an economic depression- all of the terrible things that were probably happening to Japan right at this very moment and would continue happening if he didn’t fight off Binbogami flashed before his eyes.

With renewed vigour and a will to live, he resumed flailing about and trying to get solid footing on the sandy ocean floor, without success. Binbogami’s grip on his arms suddenly loosened, but he wasn’t free yet as he felt two hands- not his own- cupping his face. Then there was something that felt like a nose bumping against his own, and what seemed suspiciously like a pair of lips clamping onto his own mouth- oh, was Binbogami kissing him?

Some animal species use the flight response to avoid danger. Others rely on the fight response to scare off attackers. But another effective tactic is the freeze response: staying still and blending in with the background in the hopes of escaping a predator’s notice. That was the strategy Ebisu fell back on now as Binbogami kept him prisoner in her grip and lip lock. Maybe if he played dead long enough, the vicious predator would lose interest in her prey and leave him alone.

She stayed glued to him for a few, excruciatingly long moments. Ebisu’s brain had short-circuited and gone blank, already trying to repress the memory of what was currently happening. Or, more likely, it was the lack of oxygen making him unable to form a coherent thought. He didn’t even realize that his mouth had slightly opened or that Binbogami was slipping her tongue in.

So there they were: two people underwater, one kissing the other, in an ocean that was illuminated by a bright moon and twinkling stars on a warm night. If the aforementioned couple had involved anyone other than the goddess of poverty and the hapless fortune god, it might even have been romantic. For the poverty goddess, it was close enough.

When Binbogami finally deigned to release Ebisu, he shot to the surface and took deep, heaving gulps of air.

“I kissed one of the top fortune gods on the mouth- with tongue!” cackled Binbogami as she surfaced beside him, a jubilant expression on her face. “Oh, I should’ve brought a camera! Everyone would FREAK if they knew!” The wretched woman hugged her sides as she laughed hysterically.

Ebisu, meanwhile, was forcing himself to take deep breaths in order to calm down and compose his thoughts. If he spoke now, the only sounds that’d come out of his mouth would be outraged, incomprehensible gibberish. His stomach and chest felt like they were boiling as he seethed with hatred, disgust, and fury.

He had half a mind to summon Houki and use Kunimi’s strength to strangle Binbogami, even if it violated his own policy of never using violence against women. Scratch that, he would summon an army of shinki and order them all to use their borderlines on her. The satisfaction he’d feel from seeing her get sliced to shreds...

But she would probably summon Kokki to defend herself, and where would that leave the Near Shore? Ebisu mournfully put the idea of making Binbogami die a violent, painful death out of his head.

As if the situation wasn’t bad enough, Binbogami somehow managed to make it worse by interrupting his gruesome fantasies with a breathy sigh. “You’re ravishing when you look like you want to brutally murder me,” she told him dreamily. Never had he felt so close to vomiting from revulsion.

“Aww, you haven’t looked at me like that since Daikoku and I popped the economic bubble in the 80s!” She lunged at him again in an attempt to either hug or kiss him- probably both-, but Ebisu was prepared and moved back, escaping her grasp just in time. He strained to quit gnashing his teeth and glaring at Binbogami with burning rage in his eyes as her expression shifted from an adoring gaze to a fiendish smile.

“Ebi-chan, you’re just making me want to kiss you more,” she said. Her sweet tone didn’t match the evil look on her face.

He had to hightail it out of there for the safety of Japan. “Houki!” he bellowed.

Waka?! What’s wrong? Kunimi’s alarmed voice echoed in Ebisu’s head as the shinki took possession of his master’s body. I told you, I’m not changing your clothes for you anymore. You’re a grown man-

“Return, Kuni!” interrupted Ebisu. The suddenly corporeal Kunimi stumbled as he tried to get his bearings in the water.

“Get me out of here! And make sure Binbogami doesn’t touch me!” Ebisu said urgently.

“Binbogami-sama? What are you- oh!” said Kunimi as he noticed the poverty goddess approaching Ebisu with a diabolical expression. “Oh my goodness! Yes, Waka, right away!” The shinki made a slicing motion at Binbogami, erecting a barrier between her and the two men.

“Owww! Hey!” Binbogami whined as she was knocked back by the borderline. She looked offended as Kunimi slung Ebisu’s arm over his shoulders and dragged his master away. “It’s blasphemy to harm a goddess! I’ll curse you, Kunimi-kun! Even if you’re a gorilla-looking stud!”

Kunimi stumbled and almost knocked Ebisu over upon hearing her threat, but righted himself in time. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take!” he called back. “And you flatter me, Binbogami-sama!”

Ugh, she had mentioned she was into men like Kunimi that one time. But Ebisu had to admit that Binbogami comparing Kunimi to a gorilla was amusing as well as a good observation on her part. He didn’t even have time to be mad at his guide for responding positively to Binbogami’s comment as they got out of the water, with Ebisu still leaning on Kunimi for support as the shinki half-dragged, half-carried his master along the beach. To make himself feel better, Ebisu recalled the list of descriptions for the poverty goddess that past incarnations of Ebisu had written in his journals. Nasty woman, insufferable wench, Whore of Babylon, literally Satan, responsible for each and every catastrophe on the face of the Earth, and holy shit I want to bash her and her guide’s skulls in were among the nicer things they’d said. And all of them were completely correct.

When the two men reached the pathway leading away from the beach, Binbogami gone from sight, Kunimi finally asked. “What happened back there? Why is Binbogami-sama in Hawaii?” A worried look came onto his face. “Did she do anything to you, Waka?”

She tried to drown me, and then kissed me on the mouth without my consent. “She was making advances at me,” said Ebisu.

Why did he say that? It was technically true, but he was omitting the most crucial details of all. Somehow, his tongue became tied at the idea of telling Kunimi everything that had happened.

Kunimi, the traitor, chuckled. “Did she? She should have left you alone and made advances to me inste- erm, I mean, that’s awful! I’m very glad we got you away from her in time,” he hastily amended as Ebisu fixed him with an intense stare.

“We will discuss your... faithlessness later, Kunimi. Don’t let your guard down when I return from vacation,” said Ebisu darkly. Kunimi blanched. It seemed like Binbogami’s curse was already taking effect on the unfortunate shinki, but it was nothing compared to what his master had just been through.

“To address your question: Binbogami is on vacation as well, with her guide,” Ebisu continued. Now he’d just told a straight-up lie. Why was he doing that?

“I see. Will you cut your vacation short and come home, Waka? Or should I stay here with you in Hawaii until she leaves?”

“No, I... You may return home without me. Binbogami has Daikoku supervising her, and Okuninushi has agreed to send some of his own shinki to guard me.” What was he saying? He should be alerting Kunimi, Okuninushi, and every deity and spirit on the island that Binbogami was running around in a foreign country unchecked. But here he was, inexplicably covering up for her instead.

“Actually, I’m kind of... stuck here,” said Kunimi.

Oh, right. Ebisu had forgotten that when a shinki was summoned from a long distance, they were unable to return to their previous location in the same manner.

Kunimi, however, saw it as an opportunity to get an actual break for once. “I could take a flight home, but I don’t have any cash or cards on me, so-"

“You can use Okuninushi or Tenjin’s shrine to get back to Takamagahara,” said Ebisu, thwarting his guide’s attempt to slack off from work. Kunimi slumped in despair.

“Yes, Waka...” Kunimi sounded like he was trying not to cry.

The only thing they talked about after that was what each of them had been doing in the other’s absence. Kunimi was overseeing Ebisu’s company (with a much more lax work policy for the employees, not that his boss needed to know that), and Ebisu talked in a relatively animated manner about the sea creatures he’d seen and caught so far. He mentioned that he wanted to catch a whale shark singlehandedly, but Kunimi asked him to please stick to realistic goals. They continued chatting in a lighthearted manner until they finally reached the penthouse suite.

“Will you be needing anything else?” asked Kunimi as he opened the door. “I’m not helping you get changed, though.”

“No, that will be all, thank you. Oh, before you go-“ Ebisu quickly went into the room before coming out again. “Here, take this as bonus payment.” He handed his guide a wad of US $100 bills. “I permit you a few hours of leisure time which you may spend here in Hawaii, but you still have to return to Japan before the day ends.”

Kunimi teared up at the all-too rare sound of his master granting him a break. “You’re too kind, Waka.”

After an emotional Kunimi bowed and left, Ebisu closed the door and went still. He stood in front of the door for a few solid minutes, his hand never leaving the doorknob. Now that he was alone, he was forced to confront the uncomfortable sensation he‘d been feeling for a while now, which he hadn’t felt inclined to let Kunimi know about.

The uncomfortable sensation in question was the feeling that his body had been doused in gasoline and lit on fire. No, he supposed that wasn’t the right description. Burning alive in reality would be much more painful. But he was feeling incredibly warm, and judging by how fast his heart was racing and how deep his breathing had become, he suspected the cause wasn’t from the tropical climate. But most concerning of all was the fact that he’d been thinking about Binbogami non-stop since he‘d left the beach.

Of course, he’d been thinking about her prior to that- namely when she’d been bothering him at the pool and beach- but all his thoughts of her back then had been unfavourable. The thoughts about Binbogami that came to him now were strangely positive.

He recalled when she apologized to him and became flustered, an unheard-of phenomenon. Ebisu was loath to admit it, but Binbogami had looked unusually appealing in that moment. His reluctant acceptance of that fact was followed by the memory of what she’d said after he laughed in response to her apology.

Ebi-chan, you’re really cute when you smile! You should do it more often. That probably didn’t mean much coming from Binbogami, who found almost any person with XY chromosomes attractive in some way. And formality was key in the business world, so smiling wasn’t a priority. Still, it was the kindness of the comment that counted. Ebisu could even begrudgingly admit that Binbogami had looked attractive while saying it.

He realized he was getting an erection from the memory.

Well, that confirmed why his body was feeling so hot. Satisfied that he now knew the reason, Ebisu started to walk towards the bathroom to wash the chlorine and saltwater off himself. He’d then get changed, after which he would...

Why was he lusting after Binbogami?

He stumbled to the floor as soon as the question hit him. But why?, his mind was asking as he lay on the floor, trying to calm down. He could not begin to fathom why, in the name of all things good and holy, he was carnally desiring the abominable goddess of poverty, misfortune, and all things miserable. Was it because she apologized? Or because she told him she didn’t want him to die? Or was it because she kissed him? But that was ludicrous- The blazing anger Ebisu felt after that incident had been like nothing he’d ever experienced before. For that to turn into lust, of all things, was just...

At least it explained why he lied to Kunimi earlier. If Ebisu, heaven forbid, wanted to spend a night with Binbogami (HEAVEN FORBID!), then it made sense that he couldn’t let anyone know what really occurred between the two of them, in the likely event that anyone with half a brain would then block her access to him.

Panic was starting to creep in as he became aware of how badly he wanted the poverty goddess in his bed. If anyone else could see the fishing god, they wouldn’t be able to tell that he was worried, despite the anxiety he was feeling. They would only see that Ebisu looked dead inside as he entertained the idea of inviting Binbogami to his room.

Ebisu got to his feet and resumed walking, but instead of the bathroom, he went to the cabinet, where he took out a box of purification salt he’d had the foresight to purchase a few days prior at a local Shinto shrine. His own feelings aside, cleansing his abode of Binbogami’s spiritual residue was crucial to keeping the Near Shore safe.

Ebisu sprinkled the salt around the room with robotic movements, trying not to think about what devastating consequences Japan’s markets and resources must already be suffering as a result of his encounter with Binbogami. Would only Japan be affected? What if Hawaii was also afflicted because Binbogami kissed him with tongue? Or even all of America? No, the entire world might have already been plunged into chaos! Maybe deities were meant to stay in their country of origin after all. He’d have to check the local and Japanese news once he was done purifying his room and then himself.

After the room was thoroughly salted, Ebisu went to the bathroom where he poured gallons of holy water (also bought from a local Shinto shrine) over himself and scrubbed vigorously all over his body. Washing his upper body was particularly difficult as he kept recalling the feeling of Binbogami’s skin on his.

Once he was clean enough (really, he could swim in a sea of holy water and it still wouldn’t feel like enough to wash off the taint of Binbogami’s touch), he headed towards the washroom’s exit, only to freeze mid-way when the memory of Binbogami’s lips on his sprung up in his mind. He rushed over to the sink where he took a toothbrush and furiously brushed his teeth, then used up 10 cups of holy water to rinse out his mouth. He could almost hear Kunimi weeping with pride at the young master being able to brush his own teeth.

Feeling relatively pacified now that he’d been washed of Binbogami’s unholy contamination, Ebisu went to the dresser, where he pulled on his standard suit and vest ensemble. More tears of joy from Kunimi at the young master being able to put on his own clothes. Ebisu couldn’t sleep yet as there was still work for him to do, so pajamas were off the table. He would have to throw out- or better yet burn- the swim trunks he’d been wearing; nothing polluted with Binbogami’s impurities could remain.

He took out one of his spare electronic tablets from a suitcase. Now came the turning point: If he went on the Internet and saw any bad news from the Near Shore that was clearly the result of Binbogami making physical contact with him, then his vacation would have to be cut short.

To his extreme surprise, none of the numerous news sites he opened were reporting anything bad within the time frame in which he’d been with Binbogami, or after. In fact, all of the most recent news throughout Japan, Hawaii, and the rest of the US reported favourable events.

If things were going well for the Near Shore despite what the poverty goddess just did, it was undoubtedly thanks to the hard work of other deities and shinki. From now on, Ebisu would have to give every god he encountered a monetary token of his appreciation, including but not limited to the rest of the Seven Fortune Gods, the local Hawaiian gods, Tenjin, even Yatogami. Ebisu was certain that the self-proclaimed god of happiness and his blessed vessel were doing their part in keeping the Near Shore safe.

—-

Meanwhile, in Japan...

“Now from the top, make it drop, that’s some wet-ass pussy. Now get a bucket and a mop, that’s some wet-ass pussy. I’m talking WAP WAP WAP, that's some wet-ass pussy! Macaroni in a pot-"

“YATO! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? AND YUKINE, STOP SAYING THERE ARE WHORES IN THIS HOUSE! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS IN ENGLISH?”

“DAIKOKU, NO! MY VIEWER COUNT!!!”

—-

Ebisu could now set his mind at ease, knowing that the Near Shore wasn’t being plagued with disasters because of him or Binbogami. But that still left him with his burning desire to sleep with the poverty goddess.

There was no time like the present. He put the tablet away and took out another box of purification salt, which he dumped onto his king size bed. A necessary safety precaution in case everything went according to plan. He strode out of the room, ready to search for his target.

He decided to check the hotel bar first. As luck would have it (and he had plenty of luck to spare), Binbogami was right there at one of the tables. She was sitting on the lap of an aloha shirt and cargo shorts-wearing tourist, giggling and poking his face as she asked him to give her a few hundred dollars. Despite the language barrier, the tourist was able to catch the gist of what she was saying and happily complied with her request, a ridiculous grin on his face all the meanwhile.

Ebisu made his way over to the poverty goddess and her newest victim. “Binbogami,” he called, interrupting the flirtation and money transaction. She turned her head towards him.

“Hmm? Oh, hi again, Ebi-chan! What’s up?” she said cheerfully, as if the previous confrontation between her and Ebisu had never happened. The fishing god usually hated that aspect of her, but in this instant he felt grateful for it.

The tourist had a sour look on his face as his new arm candy’s attention turned to another man. What the tourist didn’t realize was that Ebisu was saving him from bankruptcy.

Ebisu had never been one to hide his desires. Other gods considered that a flaw on his part (case in point: Bishamon still looked at him with wariness whenever he approached her blessed vessel Kazuma or lion shinki Kuraha), but he personally considered it a strength. Being straightforward about what he wanted always got the fastest results.

So he said it upfront. “Do you want to come up to my room and have sex with me?”

Binbogami’s only response to his blunt question was to look from side to side, checking to see if there was any other person Ebisu might have been addressing.

I’m speaking to you, Binbogami.”

Still no answer. She just stared at him with a blank expression, her brain unable to comprehend what he was saying to her.

Finally she gasped, looking horrified. “Oh my god! Someone’s killed Ebi-chan and taken his place!” She leapt off the tourist’s lap and shot towards Ebisu. “WHO ARE YOU, IMPOSTOR?!”

That was one way of rejecting his advances. But based on her earlier behaviour, Ebisu felt fairly confident that if he clarified he was, in fact, himself, Binbogami would have a more enthusiastic response to his proposition.

“I can assure you, I am the genuine article,” he said.

Her face was just centimetres away from his as she scrutinized him. It was too close for comfort once again, but this time the discomfort was because of something else. Mainly how the sight and scent of her up close was almost driving him to distraction.

Not that the tourist could tell. All he saw was a business suit-wearing man with a professional air, probably a hotel employee, formally addressing a beautiful woman, who was responding to the man with what looked like hostility.

“I don’t believe you,” Binbogami said. “The real Ebi-chan would never have sex in the first place, much less with ME!”

That was just uncalled for. “I have been married with a wife and a child of my own. I’m not a complete stranger to sexual activity,” said Ebisu drily. True, his marriage to Mizokuhi happened several thousand years ago, and to a completely different incarnation of Ebisu, but his point still stood.

“And I understand your confusion in regards to my choice of partner,” he continued, “but I believe it’s fair to say that this is the result of your actions. It was started by your inappropriate behaviour at the beach, to be exact.”

“Oh really?” asked Binbogami, not convinced. Ebisu’s heart skipped several beats as he registered the familiar feeling of her hands on the sides of his face.

“Then I guess you won’t mind if I do THIS,” she said. And her mouth was on his again. This time he responded eagerly, wrapping his arms around her and tilting his head so he could feel more of her.

The tourist looked appalled as the two deities sucked each other’s faces off right in front of his salad.

Their mouths finally broke apart for air. Binbogami’s warm breaths puffed against Ebisu’s skin as she spoke softly. “So you really do want this, huh?”

“Only if you,” he paused to press a kiss on her temple, tempted to lose himself in the warmth and softness of her face, “really want it as well.” That was a lie. If she said no, he would try bribing her with piles of cash. But she didn’t need to know that.

“Just for tonight,” he said. One night seemed safe enough. He mentally apologized to Okuninushi, Kunimi, Iwami, and all of Japan.

“...Alright.” Binbogami closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, her usual cheerful expression had come back. She beamed at her new paramour. “But at least buy me a drink first!”