Chapter Text
At the age of four, Wei Ying was picked up by Jiang Fengmian. Wei Ying thought that he would no longer need to fight with mean dogs for food, that he would have a place to warm himself in the growing snow. Wei Ying thought that Lotus Pier was heaven, that he had a warm bed and sufficient food. Wei Ying had siblings now, to share his joy. Wei Ying thought that Lotus Pier was his sanctuary.
Wei Ying thought wrong. He now knew that there were more cruel things, than the mean dogs and the measly bun he ate on the streets. There was a lady in purple, who beat him up if he walked too slow, if he ate too much, if he were to act as if he belonged. The uncle who picked him up from the street that fateful day watched as he was punished, but he didn’t step in.
‘Why?’ Wei Ying wondered, watching as the siblings turned away as he was dragged into the ancestral hall for the third time that day, for a punishment that he had to take for his ‘brother’. He had protected his brother, but why didn’t his brother speak up for him?
‘Why adopt him then?’ He wondered, feeling as the striking lash of his disciplinary whip landed on his back. The lady in purple called out for his mother, saying so many nasty words about his parents. Why did the uncle lie to him that his parents used to be sworn brothers? If they were close, how could he let this lady insult them?
Wei Ying wanted to return back to the streets.
At the age of six, Wei Ying knew his role by heart. Every day he was whipped, to remind him of his ungrateful parents, to remind him of his position as a servant. Wei Ying thinks it’s a good thing. At least he would never forget about his parents when their names are engraved in his heart.
Wei Ying had never wanted this. Wei Ying would rather be on the streets- at least he wouldn’t be able to hear his parents getting insulted . His parents were good, he wanted to shout, he wanted to defend them, but it just led to more beatings.
As Shijie bandaged his injuries again, he recalled that she told him to “be good, and to stop getting into trouble.” Wei Ying wanted to laugh. He wanted to scream at her, wanted to ask if she could tolerate her parent’s name being thrown and rubbed in the dirt.
Wei Ying wanted to ask her if he deserved the new lashings, just because her brother decided to skip out on it. He wanted to ask her if it was his fault that he could cultivate better than Jiang Cheng.
Wei Ying wanted to leave.
At the age of eight, Wei Ying received his courtesy name- Wuxian, which meant no envies. His parents had wanted him to have no envies for the rest of his life, but Wei Wuxian thought differently. What’s there to be envious of in his life, when more than a hundred scars were adorning his back, some with deep purple webs.
After receiving another heavy lashing out from Madam Yu, just because she was in a bad mood from losing the deals with one of the minor sects, Wei Wuxian decided to devote himself to his practice, when people had gone to sleep, he practiced. When people had taken breaks, he pushed himself further. Wei Wuxian knew he had to protect himself, that he needed to strengthen his core.
Wei Wuxian wanted to leave.
At the age of ten, Wei Wuxian had become the head disciple. It was to be expected considering how hard he trained, yet in the eyes of the Jiang household, the reason why he had gotten it was because of ‘Jiang Fengmian’s adulterous relationship with Cangse Sanren’.
Compared to his bedroom, the ancestral hall seemed to be where he went to the most. He knelt there for his punishment, for daring to do better than Jiang Wanyin. Wei Wuxian couldn’t understand why would Jiang Wanyin feel surprised that he didn’t get the position of a head disciple when he spent his time fooling around.
As he heard Madam Yu step into the ancestral hall, Wei Wuxian bowed his head. He knew what he had to do to be punished lesser. Head facing down, his lip clenched tight, Wei Wuxian braved himself for the sting of Zidian.
At the age of twelve, Wei Wuxian was punished again, for blocking an attack meant for his third shi-di, a small boy who shouldn’t have been on a night hunt. ‘A hero,’ The juniors called him, as Jiang Wanyin looked on sourly.
Wei Wuxian couldn’t understand why Jiang Wanyin would react this way when he was closer to third shi-di, yet chose to ignore what happened to the poor boy. Was Wei Wuxian supposed to let the boy die? Wei Wuxian barely had enough time to grab some medication from the infirmary when he was once again dragged to the ancestral hall.
Ah, so Jiang Wanyin told Madam Yu about what happened during the night hunt.
Wei Wuxian tucked the medication back into his lapels. There was no point bandaging his injuries when he would be whipped again. Somedays, Wei Wuxian was tempted to ask, what crimes did he commit to warrant such punishment? What crimes should warrant a whipping from the first-class spiritual tool? Why was Jiang Wanyin not punished along with him- as the leader of the night hunt?
Wei Wuxian wondered to himself, if this was truly what his parents wanted, to see him like this. ‘What a life of no envies,’ Wei Wuxian mocked himself, as he felt heard the sizzling of Zidian before he heard it.
Wei Wuxian woke up two days later when Jiang Yanli entered the room. Jiang Yanli sat beside him, a bowl of lotus pork rib soup in her hands. “A-Cheng is like that, don’t take it to heart A-Xian. I’ve already scolded A-Cheng. Shijie will feed you some lotus pork rib soup, okay?”
Wei Wuxian wondered if Jiang Yanli was simply naive, or did she truly believed that her brother would change, as if years of inferiority could be removed with a scolded, instead of making the situation much worse. Wei Wuxian had enough of humoring her. Did she think that he never felt hurt? Did she really think that Xianxian was three years old?
“Shijie, why do I get whipped even if it’s not my fault? Tell me, was I wrong in saving the boy during the night hunt? Should I just left third shi-di to die?” Wei Wuxian asked as he stared into her eyes.
Jiang Yanli chose to avert her eyes.
Wei Wuxian decided to leave.
At the age of twelve, Wei Wuxian gathered his belongings, the money he received from selling his talisman to the villages that he went past on his night hunt, and walked towards the Jiang Sect leader’s room.
“Uncle Jiang, thank you for offering a hand that winter night. I’m grateful for what you have done, but I think this is where we should part ways. I would like to resign as the head disciple of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect.” Wei Wuxian stated as he did a deep bow.
“A-Xian! What are you talking about? Why would you leave all of the sudden? Is it because of what happened a few days ago? Don’t worry, I’ll talk to San-Niang about it.” Uncle Jiang said as he watched Wei Wuxian remove the clarity bell off his belt.
“Uncle Jiang, it’s not a thing that I thought off all of the sudden. When I first came here, I thought of it as my sanctuary, as heaven compared to the cold streets with the mean dogs-”
“Then why?!” Uncle Jiang shouted.
“But every time I was whipped, I too wondered, ‘why’ . Why was it that when everyone made mistakes, I was the only one whipped? Why when I felt that I did the right thing, I was whipped? I kept questioning myself if it was worth it. If that was what my parents wanted- for me to be beaten and whipped for a jealous wife’s anger in the hands of the sect leader they trusted . Uncle Jiang, I would just like to ask you one last question. If you truly cared for my parents, if you guys had a sworn friendship, why would you allow your wife to insult them the way she did? Uncle Jiang, I wished...that you never picked me up from the streets.” Wei Wuxian confessed as he did another deep bow, not waiting for Jiang Fengmian’s response before walking out of the room.
Wei Wuxian made his way to the training area, bidding farewell to the different junior brothers, and the healer that constantly took care of him. He was grateful that they understood his choice, and encouraged him on his journey.
With one last look at the ancestral hall that he spent his time at, Wei Wuxian walked out of Lotus Pier, his pockets full with the snacks, talismans, and medication he received from the disciples and healer.
Wei Wuxian left.