Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“The least you could’ve done was tell me you were moving out,” Phoenix told his friends, Jett, who laughed in response as though she didn’t completely scare him by packing up her things and leaving their shared apartment. “Who does that? Imagine how it felt seein’ the apartment half empty.” He scolded playfully and laughed along with his friend when he couldn’t keep up the serious facade.

He couldn’t stay mad at her, especially since he’d grown to have a small soft spot for his childhood friend. Although their friendship started off online, the both of them meeting on a multiplayer game one day, it felt as though they were neighbors. Jett and Phoenix promised to play again the next day and then the day after that, their days spent online becoming a daily routine. Despite Jett and Phoenix living in different countries with friends of their own, their bond was different than that of their school friends. They’d talk about moving in together, though Jett always refused the idea of stepping foot in England, and they vowed to be there for each other as they achieved their dreams and grew older. Phoenix was 16 when his family moved to the United States and he got the chance to attend the high school Jett was applied to. His transition from England to the United States wasn’t the smoothest experience in his life, but being able finally to meet Jett and go through various stages in his life with her was worth the struggle.

So that’s how Phoenix ended up in his current predicament, and maybe it was best he stayed in England. He wouldn’t say this out loud, Jett wouldn’t let him live if he did.

“Anyways — a heads up woulda been nice since I gotta to find a new roommate now. I can’t pay the rent myself y’know,” Jett hummed in response, racking up any possible roommates for him. After all, she did feel a little bad. Rent wasn’t cheap these days. “You better have someone in mind if you were just gonna leave like that.” Phoenix’s job as a tutor wasn’t the worst paying job in the world, but it wouldn’t cover the cost of a two bedroom apartment. Jett was also the chef between the two so without her he’d have to constantly order take-out, and he already knew how that would end: an empty wallet and an extremely unhealthy diet. 

“What about that French dude that transferred into your class a couple weeks ago?” She recommended. “You guys talk a little bit right?”

“Listen closely — fuck no,” Phoenix took a sip of his coffee, the cafe he was in had opened up recently near his apartment and phoenix couldn’t complain about easy access to coffee and wifi. “Pretty sure the guy hates me. Have you seen how hard he rolls his eyes when I breathe in his direction? Any wider and they’ll probably roll up into his skull.” Jett snorted at the thought and quickly changed the subject before Phoenix could rant any further about the exchange student, the poor guy can’t even defend himself. 

“You can post an ad.” She suggested when she came up with nothing after a solid minute of thinking.

“Nah, what if some creep sees it?” Jett sighed at her friend’s stubbornness and was slowly losing patience. She knew Phoenix’s options would slowly run out with how picky Phoenix was.

“You could just move out into a cheaper apartment.” Phoenix couldn’t help but scoff lightly at the idea.

“You’re joking right? The apartment’s in the most perfect spot! The campus is nearby so I don’t gotta worry ‘bout parking, there’s good food, and there’s even a new coffee shop here,” he took another sip out of his cup for affect. “That’s the dumbest idea you’ve had so far.”

Jett groaned in frustration. “Why can’t you think of something yourself? Jesus — you complain more than you think.” Phoenix could hear rustling from the other side and knew the girl was in the middle of unpacking. Way to rub it in a guy’s face.

Sage was, and is, the girl of Jett’s dreams — as well as someone she’d been pining over since high school — after they both got together the two of them frequently talked about moving into the studio home Sage lived in. (Phoenix was present in every conversation, of course, he just didn’t think it’d happen so soon.) If there was a couple Phoenix could say would never split up with 100% confidence, it’d be them. Sage, although not as open as jett, was obviously smitten for the girl. Sage would be there to tend to Jett’s various burns and cuts when cooking, ate every dish Jett cooked for her (even if she complained about being on a diet), and understood her as well as Phoenix did, which was extremely well. Frustrations aside, Jett was happy and Phoenix could live with being roommate-less for a little while, though he was still a little bitter his friend had only lived with him for a little under a year before leaving.

“Finding a roommate won’t be easy, it’s not like some guy’s gonna randomly come up to me asking to take the spare room,” Phoenix jumped slightly at the muffin set before him. He knew he never ordered it and was ready to defend his wallet because, as good as it looked, he wasn’t going to pay for it. The college student looked up to lock eyes with one of the baristas. The worker in question had some sharp features; with piercing brown eyes, an earring in his left ear, and the dyed dark blue streak in his hair. He looked…familiar. “I didn’t order this.” He said after a beat of silence.

“I know, I overheard you talking about needing a roommate,” the worker replied. “I, out of the goodness of my own heart, decided I could help you out.” The worker shot him a look, an eyebrow raised as he waited for Phoenix’s answer.

Phoenix stared for a moment more and finally held his phone back up to his ear. “I’ll call you later,” and ended the call before Jett could get another word in. “You heard right, I do need a roommate. You got someone in mind?” Phoenix hesitated before his eyes settled on the worker’s name tag. “Uh…Yoru?” he added quickly.

“Yeah — me.” Yoru said without any hesitation. Phoenix was taken aback at how bold the worker was.

“You?” Phoenix repeated dumbly, still not able to fully grasp the situation.

“Do I need to repeat myself or something?” Yoru asked rudely. “My roommate wants me gone by Friday, his boyfriend’s moving in and they don’t want me in the house.”

“Harsh.” Phoenix concluded, though he did find the coincidence rather funny. He needed a roommate because his moved out for her girlfriend while Yoru needed one because he was moving out after his roommate found a boyfriend, how fortunate.

Yoru shrugged. “They didn’t actually tell me to get lost, I just thought it’d make you pity me if I said it. I’m moving out for my own sake. They told me I could either stay or leave but why would I want to stay? I told them I’d rather die than be present for whatever….activities they were going to involve themselves in,” he leaned against the bar Phoenix was sitting at. “Besides, don’t I know you from somewhere?” Yoru asked. Phoenix scrunched his face in confusion and attempted to finally figure out why Yoru felt so familiar to him.

Then it hit him.

“You’re the asshole from the volleyball team!” Phoenix blurted without much thought, his manners seemed to disappear after he realized the worker in front of him was the absolute menace in his high school’s volley ball team. Yoru was a monster on the court as well as the school’s hallways. He was infamous for his fiery attitude and over confidence, there was even a recording of his coach threatening to threatening to bench him if he didn’t stop patronizing his own team as well as the opposing side (though everyone knew the coach would do anything but bench their best player, especially since Yoru replied with a snide, “I’d like to see you try.” Before running back to the court.)

Yoru and Phoenix talked very minimally back in highschool. They had a couple of classes together and because of the sports they played, Phoenix at the time being in the soccer team, they were always in the same vicinity. Their interactions ranged from simply acknowledging the other person existed to asking each other for notes and answers. Yoru was a little more stingy about sharing his homework than Phoenix was, he was such an asshole.

“You didn’t need to say it like that,” Yoru muttered, rolling his eyes. “But yeah that’s me. Phoenix right? You caused a fire in one of the classrooms?” Phoenix clicked his tongue in annoyance at the reminder. Judging by the confidence in the question, Yoru definitely remembered Phoenix’s small mistake. He just wanted to make fun of him for it.

“Guess I’m never living that one down,” Phoenix muttered dejectedly, and slumped into the seat. “Might not accept your offer since you spied on my conversation, a little creepy isn’t it?” Phoenix set his sights on the chocolate muffin he was given and got ready to dig in. If he was offered the muffin by a worker, who knew he didn’t order it yet still let him keep it, then he was going to eat it. Talking to Yoru was incredibly draining on Phoenix’s part and he deserved to take a bite.

“Then I guess you don’t get this muffin,” Yoru interrupted and snatched the plate back before Phoenix could stuff his face into the pastry. The student deflated in disappointment, staring longingly at the plate. “Also I’m pretty sure everyone in here heard you — maybe if you learned to talk a little quieter you wouldn’t have this problem.”

“Yeah yeah whatever — just give me the muffin and we can discuss the room and shit,” Phoenix begged. Yoru rolled his eyes and pushed the plate back to Phoenix, not without waiting a couple of seconds just for fun, and watched as he took a large bite into the soft desert. “Fuck that’s good, send my compliments to the chef.” He sighed in content.

“Thanks I guess.” Yoru chimed in amusedly, taking Phoenix’s empty cup to throw away and to also hide the blush forming on his cheeks, he wasn’t used to compliments.

“You made this?” Phoenix asked, to which Yoru nodded. “Alright, pack back your bags, you can move in as long as you make me food.” The decision ended with another large bite and Yoru stared in disgust.

Yoru had been through multiple meetings, all of which ended with hours and hours of questions — and a definite no — and all it took for Phoenix to agree to his offer was a plain chocolate muffin? So much of his time wasted.

“That’s it?” Yoru questioned in disbelief. He knew the guy was an airhead but he didn’t think it’d be that empty up there. “No background check or something?” He didn’t even ask about how much Yoru was being paid nor discussed living requirements in case the both of them couldn’t work around things like sleeping hours, laundry, etc. pretty basic questions.

Phoenix just shook his head as though Yoru introduced a foreign concept. “For what?” Basic questions phoenix obviously didn’t bother thinking about.

“For the — you know what? Never mind,” Yoru took out a pen and grabbed a napkin. “Save my number and text me when I can start moving my stuff in, I have to go before my boss yells at me, I’ve already taken too long talking to you.”

Yoru slid the napkin over to Phoenix and adjusted his uniform. Before he could disappear into the staff room, the worker turned his head slightly. “And also thanks…for accepting my offer.” He left in a hurry, rushing into the door and hoping Phoenix would leave before he had to get back behind the counter.

Phoenix stuffed the napkin into his pocket and dialed Jett, still in shock at how easily he gained a roommate. Sure Yoru was, to put it nicely, an asshole — at least he wasn’t some stranger on campus. They were at least acquainted and that was a huge bonus, Yoru being able to cook was an even bigger dealbreaker. It only took three rings before Jett answered. “What happened?” She yelled, Sage’s voice in the background telling her to be quieter. Phoenix flinched and moved his phone further from his ear.

“Looks like I’ve got a roommate.” Phoenix replied, getting ready for the rapid fire questions coming his way.

Chapter Text

“Let me get this straight,” Omen, Yoru’s ex-roommate and friend, said after a few minutes of watching him pack his bags. “You heard someone talking about needing a roommate and decided to go up to him?”

Yoru laughed, also still in disbelief of the events that happened the day before. He wasn’t the type to go up to people first, he had no idea what possessed him to even do such a thing.  “I guess I found an opportunity and took it.”

“Cypher’s going to love to see how this turns out,” Omen joked before he decided to help Yoru fold his clothes since there was still so much left to pack. Yoru would never admit it but he was a huge shopaholic. He’d leave in the morning to go walk around the mall and come back with bags of clothes, some items Yoru would never wear or would return after a couple of days, he should probably donate some of his clothes soon. There was a comfortable silence before Omen spoke again. “I still don’t understand why you’re leaving, we told you we didn’t care if you stayed.”

Yoru smiled softly at the concern in his friend’s voice. They both weren’t the best when it came to expressing their emotions, Omen being extremely awkward and Yoru was just bad at expressing anything aside from sarcasm, but they understood each other, and that was all that mattered. “And get kicked out every week so you can have some alone time?” He teased. Omen rolled his eyes and punched Yoru’s shoulder playfully.

If there was anything Yoru wanted, it was for Omen to be happy, and he knew that was with Cypher. Even though he’d come to terms with the fact it didn’t mean he couldn’t miss moments like this. Days filled with casual conversations and mutual understanding; there was no need for words and they didn’t want it any other way. Omen was there since the beginning and was many of Yoru’s firsts, though they’ve both agreed to never talk about it again. Omen was his first (and only) friend, his first boyfriend, and the person he lost his virginity to. Suddenly transitioning from the comfortable life he had with Omen to attempting to get along with Phoenix, someone he knew almost nothing about, scared him.

Before Yoru could spiral further into the depths of his mind he felt a hand rest on top of his. Yoru looked up to gaze into Omen’s eyes; there was a glint of fondness and the faintest hints of worry. Omen already told Yoru that if he needed him or felt overwhelmed he could always stop by and pay a visit — he allowed Yoru to keep the key he had, of course — but he knew his idiot of a friend would be too scared to stop by. It was obvious that Yoru’s main reason in moving out wasn’t the possibility of walking in while Cypher and him were having sex; it was feeling like an outsider.

Yoru could care less if Omen brought home flings — although it would be extremely out of character of him — because they’d be gone in the morning. There wasn’t a connection between any of them and it didn’t feel like Yoru was interrupting something personal and intimate, it was purely all physical. It wasn’t jealousy nor did Yoru have any romantic feelings for Omen anymore, he just didn’t want to feel like he was on the outside looking in; Yoru knew that sooner or later he’d have to live a life where Omen wouldn’t be there 24/7. As nice as Cypher was, it was obvious the couple would rather not spend their alone time babysitting Yoru when he felt lonely.

“I’ll be fine,” Yoru said in hopes to assure his friend. “Phoenix doesn’t seem like a bad guy, he’s just…a lot. I’ve been around you my whole life so I wouldn’t know too much about enthusiasm.”

“You aren’t very skilled in that department either.” Omen shot back, and those words were enough to trigger another round of teasing. Yoru’s original plan of getting packed in a day and leaving to drop his stuff off in the morning was soon disrupted, not that he was complaining. He’d do anything to stretch the time he had with Omen just a little more.

Before Yoru knew it, his bags were finally packed. It only took half an hour of arguing, another 30 minutes of Cypher breaking in and ruining his progress, and then a small break to eat the takeout Cypher bought to finally get the rest of his room inside a bunch of boxes. He’d already packed some of his stuff when he first started his search for a new roommate, so all that was left was his PC and the rest of his closet. Yoru believed that if he packed up a majority of his room it would motivate him to move out faster, but all it did was terrify him. 

-

“Excited?” Cypher asked simply as they loaded everything into the trunk of the van they rented. It was finally the morning, and Yoru quickly shot Phoenix once he got a message asking if the number was truly him. They finally finished packing the night before and they were glad they could sort things into the trunk instead of ask Yoru if he wanted to keep a shirt or a pair of pants.

Yoru shrugged in response to the question, he couldn’t lie to his best friend’s boyfriend. Not for moral reasons or that he felt bad, of course, Cypher was just too good at distinguishing whether someone was lying or not. It was an amazing skill when it came to dealing with Omen, but the man wasn’t a great liar to begin with. It was always a treat to watch Cypher call Omen out and the man would just stare in embarrassment, he never knew how to react after being caught. Yoru, on the other hand, was amazing at it.

“Calm down, my friend, your excitement’s basically radiating off of you!” Cypher joked and laughed loudly at his own joke, even going as far as to slap his knee and wipe a fake tear from his eye. “Cheer up sunshine, all you have to do is pay rent and live there, no need to socialize.” He said and wrapped his arm around Yoru’s shoulder to lean on the shorter man.

Yoru pushed him off with a scowl. “Don’t call me that.”

Cypher clenched his shirt dramatically. “You wound me.” After a quick second of pretending to be angry, they both shared a quick laugh. Omen came back out with the rest of the boxes, confused at why the both of them were laughing. 

“What’d I miss?” He asked curiously. Yoru watched Cypher remove his arm from his shoulder and walk over to his boyfriend to wrap his arm around Omen, he had found locked onto a new target to tease. When Omen first introduced Cypher to Yoru they didn’t start off on good terms. Yoru was always cautious around him and it took a couple of months before he finally realized Cypher truly wanted to be their friend.

Yoru would secretly stare longingly whenever the two were together. Omen’s cool attitude would melt away and he’d turn into a flustered mess around his boyfriend, and Cypher never teased Omen as badly as he did other people. Yoru would kill to feel the same way they felt whenever they were around each other. It entertained him to watch the two argue and fight before they’d fall into contagious laughter, as if they weren’t yelling at each other seconds prior. Even though Yoru had no idea what they were so hysterical over, as it would only take a minute of silence and staring before they started laughing, he’d still find himself chuckling too. 

After another few minutes of stalling, Yoru finally slammed the trunk of the van shut. He couldn’t walk over to the driver’s seat, not yet. “So…I guess this is it.” He said instead of making his way to the car. 

Cypher chuckled softly. “You’re making this feel like we’re breaking up.” He teased, but it was obvious to Omen and Yoru that he was also sad about the new arrangement. He might not have roomed with them, but he came over frequently enough to feel as though he’d always lived there. He might visit and stay over because of Omen, but Cypher loved to talk to Yoru. They both had similar humor and Yoru enjoyed listening to Cypher rant about anything and everything.

After another minute of silence, and Yoru basking in the last moments of living with his friends, Omen sighed. The man pulled Yoru in by his arm to give him a hug, and that was all it took for him to melt in his friend’s arms. “Don’t be a stranger.” Omen whispered in his ear, a small smile on his face. 

“It’ll be like I never left.” Yoru replied before they pulled away from their hug. Cypher looked watched the scene fondly, going in to give Yoru a quick hug of his own. Finally, after being outside for what felt like hours, Yoru made his way to the driver’s seat. 

No matter how much he would’ve loved to stay with them, he couldn’t stop himself from buckling himself in to connect his phone to the radio. He turned the volume up and pulled away from the curb. He took one last look in the rear view mirror and watched as Omen’s and Cypher’s figures disappeared. With a sigh, he relaxed into his seat and mentally prepared himself to meet with Phoenix again. 

Chapter Text

“Do you need a room for your things too?” Phoenix asked when he finally took in the amount of stuff Yoru brought. 

It took a couple of trips to bring everything up, Yoru’s PC being the hardest to move, and Phoenix wasn’t sure if the closet in Yoru’s room would be enough. Yoru rolled his eyes. “I can work with the space I have.” He rolled his luggage away and shut the door. He planned on showing Phoenix his room once he was finished setting up just to gloat.

Phoenix wondered about how big Yoru’s last apartment was for him to be able to stuff all of that inside. There seemed to be a lot  of book shelves and other shelving units, as well as extremely heavy boxes (all filled to its maximum capacity if the lack of items shaking in the box was anything to go by), so he must’ve had a ton of space before. Either Yoru was serious about his studies or he was a huge nerd and had a thing for collectibles.

Phoenix knocked on the door of his new roommate’s room. “If you need anything just shout.” Instead of an ‘okay’, ‘thanks’, or even just a breath of confirmation, he was met with silence. Phoenix shrugged it off and left to devour the small cake Yoru gave him as a thank you gift, though the student said it was just a small payment.

After a couple bites of the dessert, his phone started to ring. He glanced at the device resting on the table to see the caller ID was Jett.

He picked up and put her on speaker in order to focus on eating and talking. “How’s my favorite ex-roommate!” She yelled into the phone, more excited about someone new moving in than he was. “Did my replacement move in yet?” She asked.

“Yeah he just got here,” he set his fork down and rested his cheek on his palm. “He’s unpacking and locked me out of his room, amazing first impression.” He added sarcastically. He wasn’t expecting much out of Yoru living with him. He guessed their days would go by relatively quietly. They’d come out of their rooms, greet each other, and continue with their lives.

“Might come around soon,” she said and jumped belly first onto her bed and huffed. “Gotta check out the new guy, see if he’s as bad as you tell me he is.”

“He’s…difficult.” Pheonix replied, cautious of his roommate hearing their conversation. Sure Yoru was a dick but Phoenix didn’t feel like being one right now.

“Just ‘cuz you live together doesn’t mean you have to get along,” she chirped. Would it be beneficial if they were to get along? Yes. Could Phoenix even see a day where they would? Not in the near future. “Well, God knows no matter what I say you won’t listen. I’ll let you deal with your own shit!” She hung up before he could even say bye…though, Phoenix knew she’d come over soon.

She’d probably barge in and tell him she set him up on a new blind date as a celebration. He scowled at the thought.

He was an attractive guy and he wasn’t afraid to admit that; but what good would a relationship do him now? School’s kicking him in the ass and work is just the cherry on top. He has no time for anyone and he preferred it that way. What’s so wrong about being single?

‘Are you sure it isn’t ‘cuz you’re into dudes?’ He remembered Jett accused him of when another date went wrong. He remembered how quickly he denied the idea, and also assured her that he, of course, didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Though to be honest, Phoenix had no clue who he liked.

It’s not like he hasn’t found a guy attractive before — but anyone could find the same gender attractive, people were made unfairly hot and it wasn’t a crime to admit it.

He never had the courage to go out and experiment, what if he actually didn’t like other guys? What would he say to the other person? ‘Sorry but after being with you I’ve realized I don’t actually like guys,’ that sounded horrible, and that was an easy way to stomp on a person’s confidence.

Phoenix groaned and buried his head into his palms. Of course he’d be worried about this on some random day. Jett wasn’t pushy so his dates were never frequent, but it was often enough for him to dread the day he’d be set up on a new one. Phoenix knew he could just say no but seeing how happy Jett was when he genuinely enjoyed a date, or more like enjoyed talking to a girl, was nice to see.

Although he was a natural social butterfly his friend circle consisted of Jett, Sage, Raze, and KJ. Sure he had a couple of people to talk to here and there but he wasn’t close to anyone other than the four girls. Jett, though, had a lot of friends. It seemed as though she made a new friend every week. Phoenix was thankful Jett was so worried about his social life but he really was fine with staying home.

Phoenix was so deep in thought, as well as mindlessly shoveling bites of food in his mouth every once in a while, he didn’t hear Yoru walk into the living room. “Why’re you staring at the cake like that,” Yoru asked once he walked into the living room. Phoenix snapped out of his stupor and turned to look at the smug student. “I’d ask if it was bad but I don’t care.” Yoru sat on the seat across from him and leaned back to get comfortable.

Phoenix rolled his eyes. “No it wasn’t bad, I was talking to a friend,” he resumed eating again. “What about you? You were barely in your room, I doubt you got anything done.”

Yoru shrugged. “Same with me, my friend called while I was packing up. Decided to arrange my clothes and call it a day,” Yoru leaned over to grab Phoenix’s fork, taking a piece of the cake and dug in. He hummed in delight. “Not bad, I’m pretty good after all.” He said and set the fork back down on Phoenix’s plate.

Phoenix stared at the fork in horror. “Dude! I put my mouth on that!” He said and picked up the fork to wave around. Yoru just raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“What? You don’t share forks?” He asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah! With my friends!” He said and stood to clean the utensil, and grabbed another fork for Yoru to use in case he wanted to do another surprise attack on his cake. “Here, if you need one.” He placed it in front of Yoru before he collapsed back on his seat in.

Yoru scoffed in disbelief. “You’re such a child.”

“And you’re nasty.” Phoenix shot back, taking another bite of his slice.

Phoenix didn’t expect for Yoru to laugh. He looked up to see Yoru throw his head back before he settled down after the fit. Phoenix couldn’t help but think his new roommate was pretty good-looking…in a roommate kind of way. Once again, no harm in admitting someone looked good.

“What?” Yoru asked when Phoenix’s staring went on for too long. “Is there something on my face?”

Phoenix looked down at his plate, playing around with his food in embarrassment. “Yeah, ugliness.” He mumbled.

Yoru chuckled again before standing from his seat. “You’re such a kid.” He teased, though Phoenix could hear it wasn’t just Yoru saying it to be mean. It was a genuine joke.

Phoenix decided to just laugh in response, and it allowed the both of them to go about their day comfortably.

Chapter Text

“Alright you have five seconds to choose,” Yoru said, holding up two items in his hands. “Cocoa Puffs or Cinnamon Toast Crunch.” Phoenix rubbed at his chin, deep in thought.

“Cinnamon for sure.” He said and watched Yoru throw the box of cereal into the cart.

It’d been about a week since Yoru moved in. The two rarely interacted in the house and the only thing that managed to push them closer together were the groceries. Pheonix told Yoru to just write down what he wanted but his roommate insisted on going with him. Yoru told him it was because he bought groceries depending on what he saw first instead of what he craved, he was an adventurous type.

Phoenix was glad to see that most of their groceries weren’t just frozen foods. There was an assortment of meats and fish in their cart and a few snacks, all of the junk being Phoenix’s choice minus the box of green tea pocky Yoru hid under the food in embarrassment. He had made fun of the choice of snacks but quickly zipped his mouth shut when he saw the box.

“I think we’ve got enough,” Phoenix said as he rummaged through the cart. Yoru leaned over to make sure they had everything and nodded in agreement. “Alright, I’ll pay this week yeah?”

Yoru clicked his tongue between his teeth, deciding against arguing about how they were going to pay in the middle of the market. “As long as you remember I’m paying next time.” He said while pointing a finger at Phoenix.

Phoenix put his hands up in mock surrender. “You have my word.” He put his hands down and continued to push the cart towards the register.  Phoenix pulled his phone out to check the time.

“Actually, you wanna get something to eat before we head back?” He asked and pocketed his phone. They slept in and neither of them had the energy to make breakfast before they agreed to go out and buy groceries. Yoru stayed quiet and pondered his choices. “You can pay?” Phoenix added quickly which caught Yoru’s attention.

“Deal,” he said and loaded their items onto the conveyor belt. “You have a place in mind?” He asked. Yoru wasn’t the type to go out and eat, and when Omen and him agreed on eating out they’d usually have Cypher pick up food on his way to their apartment. The computer science major absolutely hated being their free delivery but he couldn’t say no when Omen asked. Bastard.

“Yeah, I know the staff so we should be able to get a small discount if we beg.” Phoenix replied as he pocketed his wallet after paying.

“Popular aren’t you?” Yoru asked. Phoenix turned to watch him put all their items into the bags Yoru brought with him. Phoenix chuckled at the sight. When Jett moved out, he expected the container of plastic bags to move out with her; Yoru seemed to just replace it with his own.

Phoenix shrugged.

“I wouldn’t say I am.” He said honestly. The conversation ended there. They made their way back to Phoenix’s car, bags in their hands. They threw everything they had into the trunk and climbed into the vehicle. They sat in silence before Yoru connected his phone to the car and shuffled a random playlist he had.

Phoenix kind of enjoyed Yoru’s taste of music. Their playlists were pretty much similar if Phoenix’s artists were Japanese instead of “painstakingly British,” as Jett would describe it.

“So where are we going?” Yoru asked once Phoenix was able to maneuver himself out of the parking lot. Stupid market places and their crowded lots, as well as the shit drivers in the area. 

“A little diner my friend and her dad run, it’s called Ascent,” Yoru hummed in response to let Phoenix know he was listening. “I don’t wanna reveal anything too personal but Brim, my friend’s dad, was a crazy good chef back in his military days — still is. When the guys had nowhere to go during vacations they’d crash at his place and eat for hours. After a bad accident he decided it was time to kick back and enjoy the rest of his life. Thank god he did, no one makes a meaner burger than he does.” Phoenix grinned at the thought of Brimstone’s cooking, mouth already watering at the thought of it.

Yoru smiled softly to himself and leaned against the window. “Now you’re just raising my expectations,” he said as his smile formed into a smirk. “I’m not one to order out so I’ll let you order for me. Nothing expensive.” Yoru added quickly.

“You have my word,” Phoenix said as he turned into the parking lot of a decently sized building. The walls were painted a light pink, almost salmon, color. There wasn’t anything too fancy about the place but Yoru liked the vibes. “Alright! we’re here.” Phoenix said once he found a spot and turned the engine off.

They both exit the car and made their way to the double glass door. “You’re not going to regret this. My old roommate hates eating out but even she can’t resist this place,” He swung the door open to reveal a bored looking girl sitting at the cash register. Her eyes seemed to light up when she met eyes with Phoenix. “KJ!” He yelled.

“Phoenix! Where have you been? Where’s Jett?” She asked when she looked behind to only see Yoru. “Who’s this?”

Phoenix looked behind him and realized he needed to introduce the both of them. “Oh! This is my new roommate, Yoru. Yoru — this is KJ,” Yoru nodded towards the cashier who, in turn, awkwardly waved back. Phoenix smiled as he looked from between KJ to Yoru and saw the way his friend was looking at him. He made a shooing motion when he realized his friend was making that face, the one that meant they needed to talk. He knew this look all too well, especially since Brim had the same face — like father like daughter. “Go find us a table, I need to catch up real quick.” Yoru stood there for another second before he sighed and left to seat himself.

KJ’s eyes followed him and once he was out of sight she went straight to the questions. “What happened to Jett? How’d you two meet? Did she set you guys up on a date? Wait I didn’t know you liked guys.” She asked confused. Phoenix looked taken aback at the idea.

“No! Oh god of course not and no I don’t like guys…not that there’s anything wrong with it of course,” Phoenix shot quickly. He groaned and leaned in closer. “I met him at a cafe, he heard I needed a roommate and offered.”

“And you said yes? Dude, stranger danger?” She reminded him.

Phoenix waved her off. “He went to my high school, we were partners in some classes so he’s not a complete stranger.” KJ readjusted her glasses and cleared her throat.

“Alright whatever, I kinda thought you two were like — together together. Seemed cute at first, he looks like a total bitch though…but so are you in your own Phoenix way,” she rambled on while fixing her focus on the screen in front of her and punched in Phoenix’s usual order. “So what does the Smurf want?” She asked.

Phoenix laughed at the nickname. “Same as me, gotta make sure he tries some of Brim’s best dishes,” She went back to violently pressing on the tablet. “And also it’d be nice if you could ask your dad if we could get today’s meal for free?” He asked hopefully. Before KJ could agree to the idea Brimstone emerged from the kitchen, arms crossed and an annoyed expression on his face.

“I am not paying for you and your boyfriend.” He said firmly.

“Not dating.” Phoenix chimed in.

“I’m not paying for you and whoever this guy is,” Brimstone reiterated. “You and Jett are making this a bad habit, I already agreed that I’ll only give you free meals for special occasions.”

“But this is special,” Phoenix whined. “I’ve got a new roomie!” Brimstone rolled his eyes and looked to his adoptive daughter for help, only to see she was also doing the puppy eyes.

“Alright fine!” He broke and shook his head. “You get half off since he’s new and all, tell your boyfriend it better be his birthday if he wants a free meal next time.” He said and rushed back into the kitchen before Phoenix could say anything.

“Not my boyfriend.” Phoenix muttered. His eyes trailed from the swinging doors to KJ, who was staring with that annoying smug face of her’s. He rolled his eyes and walked away before she could say anything, but even then he could still feel those eyes and that smirk from behind him. What’s up with everyone these days? He’s not all that surprised she’s acting like this, especially since KJ would help Jett set up his blind dates because she liked to see him suffer. Brimstone was always up-to1date with Phoenix’s love life, since KJ liked to talk and Brim was pretty much a father to all of KJ’s friends. Whatever was going on in their lives Brim had to know too.

Phoenix scanned the room to find Yoru sitting in the corner; cheek resting on his palm, his eyes trained on his phone, and lazily typing with the one free thumb he had. Phoenix broke out of his stupor when it felt weird that he was standing in the middle of the diner and staring. He collapsed into the cushioned seat across from Yoru, who was still typing away on his phone.

“Never saw you as a Candy Crush type of person.” Phoenix joked, hoping it’d spark some sort of conversation.

Yoru just huffed. “Just texting a friend,” He replied simply. Wow, Yoru was even worse than he was when it came to small talk. Phoenix leaned back against his seat and looked out the window. It was a nice day. “He’s the nagging type so he’s expecting an essay about my week so far, it’s gonna take a little while longer.” Yoru said just before Phoenix could fully sink deeper into whatever his mind was thinking about.

Phoenix hummed. “‘S all good, take your time.”

It wasn’t until KJ came rolling in with their food did Yoru set his phone down to help situate the plates around. KJ stepped back to marvel at the table with a proud smile as though she cooked everything herself. “Hope you enjoy the food here.” She said to Yoru before glancing at Phoenix and rapidly moved her eyebrows up and down, rolling away with the cart when Phoenix responded to her teasing with a look of pure hatred.

“She seems nice.” Yoru said. He picked up the burger on his plate and inspected it. The bun was warm, the meat was juicy, there was a good amount of caramelized onions, and the cheese looked amazing.

“KJ? Nah, she’s the worst,” Phoenix joked. “Not as nice as your friend, have you known each other for a while?” The economics major looked over to see Yoru take a bite, his eyes brightening at the taste. He didn’t need Yoru to say anything to confirm that Brimstone’s cooking was amazing.

“Yeah, he helped me a lot when I moved from Japan when I was younger,” Yoru said after swallowing his first bite. “He’s a little older than me so he always used that to dote and shit. It was nice though, a little annoying at times, but he meant well.” Phoenix could hear how Yoru’s voice softened when talking about his friend. He must’ve meant a lot to him.

“Was he your old roommate?” Pheonix asked. Yoru just nodded. “Are you jealous that he’s dating someone?” Yoru choked on his drinks, coughing at the accusation.

“Of course not,” Yoru wheezed once he was able to calm himself down. “We’re just friends.” Yoru cut himself off before he could say Omen was like a brother to him considering their past. Weird thing to say about someone you had sex with.

“Alright I won’t pry, just wanted to tease you that’s all.” Phoenix said smugly and returned to his meal. The rest of their time there was spent with short conversations. Although it felt awkward to Phoenix, Yoru looked okay with the amount of talking that was happening.

It would take a while for Phoenix to get used to it, since he’s spent his life with Jett who never ran out of anything to say. Or maybe Yoru could come out of his shell and talk more, but that was asking for too much. He could deal with it for now.

The rest of their meal were spent in silence, with the occasional questions and teasing, but they were both done with the plates after a little under an hour of being there. As they both sat to recover from their food coma, large steps made their way towards them. “I’m guessing the new guy liked my food?” Brimstone asked once he was beside their table.

“Liked? He loved it,” Phoenix answered. “Look at his plate!” Yoru looked away in embarrassment once Brimstone had his attention on him. 

Brimstone grinned proudly at the empty plate. “I’m glad you liked it,” he said and took their plates off the table to load them into a rack. “My name’s Brimstone, by the way, but you can just call me Brim. And you are?”

”Yoru,” he replied quickly. “It’s nice to meet you.” He mumbled shyly. Meeting older people always made him nervous. 

Brimstone laughed heartily at his demeanor. “What’re you so nervous for?” He asked and slapped a hand on Yoru’s shoulder. “I don’t mind it, you’ve probably got better manners than Phoenix over here. Hopefully I’ll see you around more.” With that, he took off back into the kitchen to wash the plates. 

“That’s KJ’s dad, the one I told you about. He’s super nice…well, sometimes. I get on his nerves a lot but we’re pretty much family,” Phoenix said with a laugh. “Keep actin’ like this and you’ll get on his good side.” 

Yoru just nodded at this, and looked over at the kitchen door again. He hoped to see Brimstone again.

Chapter Text

“I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Yoru said once they put their groceries away, he quickly left to his room before Phoenix could stop him and offer to spend some more time together. He threw his jacket onto his chair and collapsed on top his bed. He sighed tiredly and stared at the ceiling and thought about the day he had. He wasn’t expecting to socialize but KJ’s dad was…nice. Brimstone, despite his attitude when they first came in, introduced himself to Yoru and offered for the student to try out dishes he wasn’t sure should be added to the menu. Phoenix knew it wasn’t going to be long before Brimstone took his new roommate under his wing, but he was more surprised that Yoru seemed to enjoy Brim’s presence.

The volleyball player went from making fun of Phoenix to holding onto Brim’s every word as though it were a lifeline whenever the chef decided to sit with the both of them to take a small break. If Phoenix had looked further, he’d see the look of longing whenever KJ and Brimstone interacted in front of them.

KJ and Brimstone had a father-daughter relationship anyone would be jealous of. Yoru was one of them.

“You must really like Brim huh? Can’t say I’m not surprised but he really rubs off on you y’know? You liked the food right?” Phoenix asked once they buckled into Phoenix’s car. Silence. The economics major quickly took a look at passenger’s seat to see Yoru looking out the window. “Yoru?” He called out.

“Yeah?” Yoru asked, breaking his gaze away from whatever he thought was interesting. “Sorry I was just…thinking.” Phoenix hummed in acknowledgement.

“You can always tell me if something’s bothering you,” Phoenix said to hopefully comfort Yoru, and maybe this conversation might even bring them closer. “I’m not the best with advice but I’m a great listener.”

Yoru shrugged, still deep in thought. “Just thinking ‘bout my major,” he confessed, although it wasn’t the whole truth. “Thinking about the future.” He finished wistfully.

“I bet you’re majoring in something crazy like biomedical engineering…or just engineering in general.” Phoenix replied. Yoru seemed like the type of guy to go above and beyond, he could totally see him studying something extremely profound or mentally grueling.

Yoru chuckled. “I’m still undecided, actually.” He confessed, wishing he really were studying something like engineering or architecture, maybe it’d be easier like that.

“And that’s totally fine too!” Phoenix ensured, hoping Yoru wouldn’t get offended at the assumption. “We’re still in our second year, you got time to think...it’s not a whole lot of time but you get what I mean.”

Yoru stayed silent for a second and decided it wouldn’t hurt to rant a little bit to Phoenix, he offered to listen right? Then that meant he could. “It’s just that — I’ve spent almost my entire life thinking I didn’t have a say in what I wanted for myself,” Yoru said bitterly. “And now I have to make a choice for myself? I can’t even name one single thing I’m amazing at.”

Phoenix hummed and tapped on the steering wheel. “Yeah? Well I think you’re amazing at volleyball.” Phoenix said truthfully. If there was one thing Phoenix would never admit — it would be rooting for Yoru during his high school competitions. Every time Yoru was on the court it felt as though he took up the whole stadium. He was confident and Phoenix liked that the most about him, though sometimes his overconfidence was a bit…much. Phoenix wondered how he didn’t recognize Yoru right away.

Yoru blushed at the praise and quickly shot it down to hopefully control himself. “And then live the rest of my life without a job?” Yoru replied with a laugh. Phoenix furrowed his brows, not understanding why Yoru was talking down on volleyball like he was. Didn’t he love the sport?

“Who told you that?” He asked once he got over his confusion. Yoru’s mouth went dry, his father’s image painting a dark picture in his head and decided it was best not to reveal something so personal. The last thing Yoru wanted to do was talk about his dad.

“So much talk about my life, what about you?” Yoru asked. He turned his head to look at Phoenix who was still focused on the road. Yoru, who had his elbow resting on small dip where the window and door met, leaned his head on his hand and admired Phoenix’s side view. “What made you decide on your major?”

Phoenix smirked, knowing Yoru wouldn’t believe his answer. “I enjoyed economics back in high school.” He replied proudly.

“You’re lying — that class sucked,” Yoru said with a scoff; his eyes widened when Phoenix’s smirk stayed where it was. “No way.” He repeated in disbelief.

Phoenix laughed. “I knew you weren’t gonna believe me! What’s up with everyone being surprised, do I not look like the type to enjoy economics?” He asked. “I could care less about the money and the jobs — if I’m going to enjoy something then I might as well go for it, right?”

“Easier said than done when your career ensures a bright future.” Yoru mumbled.

“You think every economics major gets a job? Better yet — do you really think everyone gets a job right after college?” Phoenix asked with an eyebrow raised. Yoru grumbled in response. “You’re gonna have to compete for what you want no matter the path you choose, might as well fight for something you enjoy.”

This was the very conversation that had Yoru pondering over. He turned to his side to stare at the posters he hung on his wall. Various volleyball players and team photos decorated the beige walls, as well as trophies and medals placed neatly on a shelf.

‘You’re amazing at volleyball.’ Yoru felt the blush he tried to hide during the car ride come back to bite him in the ass. He wasn’t expecting Phoenix to compliment him like that…and he wasn’t expecting it to sound so genuine. He didn’t even know Phoenix watched his volleyball games, probably only watched them because he’d get extra credit from it.

“I’m so fucked,” Yoru said while covering his face to muffle his distress. Omen, who had broken up with him during his sophomore year, knew Yoru was the ‘fall in love with any guy who showed any type of interest in him without being turned off by his bad attitude’ type of guy. So when Yoru came stomping into his room ranting about the soccer player in literally all of his classes, Omen knew Yoru had a crush. He, naturally, paid no mind since there were five other guys Yoru would talk about too. “I’m so dumb.” Yoru scolded himself again.

To be honest, Yoru was on pilot mode when he came up to Phoenix. He recognized the student the first day he came into the cafe and was a little hurt Phoenix didn’t even recognize who he was. He was waiting for him to ask whether or not they knew each other and of course the universe wasn’t going to make his life easy.  He was glad he never told Omen Phoenix’s name back in high school and he was even happier that Omen gave absolutely no care in the world about one of the six? Seven? Guys Yoru was obsessing over. Omen was also a year older than him so he’d probably have zero clue who he was talking about. No one hated the underclassmen more than Omen did.

Yoru was getting better at not crushing on every guy who looked at him, so he wasn’t sure if his feelings from high school were resurfacing — he doubts he could call them feelings. Why’d he have to be such an idiot with no relationship experience other than Omen? Who, in fact, had a better grasp on love than he did! The same person who wore a hoodie over his head every day up until the beginning of junior year and had even more piercings than Yoru did. Cypher must really dig guys who could set off every metal detector in the world.

Yoru decided against calling Omen for advice, his friend had heard enough about his stupid infatuations and probably wouldn’t want to listen to another one. Yoru let himself languish in his own self pity before settling his eyes on the worn out volleyball he threw into the corner of his room.

Yoru was a lot of things, a fighter wasn’t one of them. Despite his harsh words and cold attitude, he couldn’t find it in himself to fight for what he wanted. Going to college with absolutely no major in mind was already going against his father’s wishes and he had no intentions of doing something so risky again.

“You good in there?” Yoru’s thoughts were interrupted by a soft knocking at his door. There was a pause, Phoenix was waiting for him to answer. “Alright well…if I said anything that offended you today then I’d appreciate if you told me…I’m gonna be out again for the rest of the day. If you need anything just send a text or something, yeah?”

Phoenix waited a second longer at the locked door and decided it was dumb to wait for Yoru to answer. Before he could step away he heard a soft voice call out. “Be safe.” Yoru said simply. Phoenix froze before realizing it probably felt like he left before Yoru could say anything.

“Thanks man.” He replied and knocked once on the door to show he was leaving. Yoru waited until he heard the front door shut to scramble for his phone and dial Omen. As much as he didn’t want to disturb his friend he also needed to talk, it’d been a couple of days since their last conversation and Yoru needed to hear his voice.

“Yoru?” Were the first words Omen had said after picking up the phone after a few rings. “Did you need something?”

Yoru couldn’t help but relax at the sound of Omen’s voice, the thoughts of school, his dad, and Phoenix going away just from the familiarity.

“Just wanted to talk.” There was a slight slur to Yoru’s words. It hadn’t hit him that he was tired. He spent the entire night before at his computer just doing anything that his brain forced him to do. He played a few matches of an FPS he downloaded, another hour on a random farming game, and the rest of the night searching up college majors and jobs that wouldn’t make him completely lose his mind.

Before he knew it, it was ten in the morning and Phoenix wanted to go grocery shopping.

“Have you slept?” Omen asked after hearing how weak his friend’s voice sounded.

Yoru smiled softly. “Not at all.” He replied with a slight chuckle. There was a sigh of disappointment on the other side that Yoru ignored.

“What would you do without me?” Omen asked lightheartedly. There was a softness to the question that made it so Yoru knew he wasn’t being serious.

“I don’t know.” Yoru replied absentmindedly. Who knew what he’d do without Omen.

Yoru basked in the silence and the white noise. Omen’s voice sounded as though he were away from his phone; he was most likely knitting.

“Would you like to hear about my day?”

Yoru nodded quickly at the offer, forgetting Omen couldn’t see him — forgetting they weren’t in the same room together. “I’d like that.”

Omen hummed in thought, thinking about where he should start. “Remember how I told you I was planning on finding a new job?” He asked, hoping Yoru would answer his questions and eventually fall asleep. By the way he agreed on the other side, Omen knew it wouldn’t be long before he’d fall asleep in the middle of their call. “Cypher’s been helping me with job hunting and found a place he knew I’d be interested in.”

Yoru focused on the Omen’s raspy voice as much as he could. The deeper Omen delved in his story the heavier his eyelids became. Half an hour into the call later, Yoru was fast asleep.

Omen sighed in relief once he heard the steady breathing and put his knitting needles down to reach for his phone. “Take care of yourself…please.” He whispered before ending the call.

Chapter Text

Yoru groaned as he struggled to open his eyes. All he remembered before passing out was Omen angrily ranting about his chemistry class and the sound of his knitting needles clashing. After finally blinking the drowsiness away Yoru sat up slowly to look around his room. Once he was as awake as he could be he reached for his phone. 

He hissed angrily when he was hit with the bright light of his screen and turned the brightness down to a comfortable hue and checked the time. It was eight p.m, he’d been asleep for about five hours. He dragged himself out of bed to raid the kitchen, maybe even have the chance to snag a pack of pocky to eat in his room while he wasted the rest of his day on his computer.

It felt like a normal routine now. 

The both of them would go out to go grocery shopping, which was usually only to restock the junk cabinet, and crash at KJ’s dad’s diner where they’d stay until Brimstone kicked them out. Brimstone was a lot harsher on Phoenix, maybe because he knew him longer, while he treated Yoru a lot like he did KJ. He’d send Yoru off with his favorite foods, track his sleeping habits, and they’d even exchanged numbers. He’d check up on Yoru, send a video or picture he found funny, and even ask about how Phoenix was doing.

After a large meal they’d drive back in a comfortable silence and put away their groceries while busying themselves with random conversation topics that would almost always lead to them arguing. 

Their most recent argument was Phoenix’s use of the word “fries” instead of “chips.” 

Yoru, while putting the potatoes away, remembered Phoenix asking for a plate of fries at Brim’s diner and decided it was a good time to tease the Brit about it. He called his roommate a fake and claimed he was slowly becoming more and more of an American. 

“Who in America even says chips!” Phoenix argued while cleaning the fruit. “People would think I’m mental if they heard me ask for a side of chips, they’d give me a bag of Doritos or something.” He frustratedly dropped the fruit into the decorative basket on the small bar window which had a view of their small dining table as well as connected the kitchen to the dining area.

“You don’t even say chips alone with me, plus I don’t think Brimstone would be confused if you asked for chips.” 

“He made fun of me for asking for a cuppa! It obviously sounds like a cup of tea, right? Tell me I’m right.” Phoenix begged and maneuvered around the kitchen to toss more empty bags into the bag bin under the sink. 

“A cuppa.” Yoru mocked with his pinky up. 

“Are you taking the piss outta me?” 

Yoru couldn’t contain the bark of laughter. He loved making fun of Phoenix’s accent. Even with his years of living in the states his accent remained as strong as ever. 

Not like he could make fun of it, especially since his accent never got better either. 

“Ha ha ha laugh all you want, we Brits are so funny to you,” Phoenix said sarcastically with a small eye roll. Even with his annoyance he couldn’t hide the way the corner of his lips upturned in a slight smile. “With all this joking you’ve become an American yourself.” 

Yoru threw a wadded empty bag at him. “With this accent? No way.” They spent the rest of their task going back and forth. It wasn’t long before their groceries were in place and Yoru excused himself to return to his room and catch up on the sleep he missed out on, and maybe even catch up with Omen again. 

Phoenix would knock on his door and tell him he’d be out and they’d meet in the middle when Yoru woke from his nap and Phoenix came back to the apartment. 

He felt like a snail dragging itself up a tree bark, limbless and heavy. The journey from his room to the pantry was worth the work, though, as he opened the stash of junk they lazily threw into the cabinet. Yoru grabbed the green tea covered sticks and ripped the plastic open. He settled the snack between his lips to munch on while he roamed the apartment. 

Although another couple of weeks had passed Yoru hadn’t looked around the living room.

He hummed around the kitchen before stopping in front of their fridge, the door filled with papers and pictures. He never really studied the mess decorating the fridge door simply because Phoenix was in charge of preparing the ingredients so that Yoru could start lunch or dinner without having to rummage. It was also a nice cooking exercise for Phoenix, who picked up on a couple dishes to cook so he wouldn’t be completely useless in the future. Yoru’s eyes were drawn to the picture in the middle, a photo of Phoenix and a white haired girl, most likely dyed seeing as she looked as old as Phoenix and both students adorned the classic cap and gown. She went to high school with them.

A wide smile graced both their faces, the girl’s arm around the back of Phoenix’s neck and his roommate having to visibly bend down to let her rest her arm comfortably. Yoru ripped his gaze away from the picture to see a grainy Polaroid of Phoenix and the same girl in the middle of a room with packed boxes surrounding them. It was the same apartment. 

Yoru attempted to piece the puzzle together, and he remembered Phoenix told him his old roommate moved out because of their significant other. Then that meant Phoenix wasn’t dating her right? Yoru looked at his reflection in the stainless fridge door and realized the obvious look of satisfaction written all over him. He wiped the look on his face, not even realizing he was reacting positively to the revelation. 

They were probably exes…yeah, that was a good conclusion. 

Yoru took a small step back and thought about his own friends, or really just his one friend. Omen wasn’t the type to take pictures, and Yoru only took them to boost his confidence, so his wall of friends were pretty barren. The only reason Omen took pictures now was because of Cypher, which Yoru might be a little bitter about. The only picture they had together was during Omen’s graduation. Yoru’s small smile, which seemed like a smirk, contrasted Omen’s blank stare; matter of fact, he wasn’t even staring at the camera! His eyes were on Cypher, who casually joined their duo when during Omen’s last year of middle school.

Looking at all the pictures made Yoru feel…small. It’s not like it determined a friendship but he also wanted to be able to relive his memories. 

Yoru wondered if he’d get a spot on the fridge too, they’d gotten close right?

He was so focused on the pictures he didn’t realize the door opening until Phoenix’s voice boomed through the complex. “I’m back!” He yelled. Yoru jumped slightly at the noise and walked into the living room in time to watch Phoenix plop onto the sofa with a tired sigh. 

Phoenix was coming back a lot more stressed lately. It probably had to do with his tutoring job, but he did say he was going to meet up with his friends. Something probably happened between them, Yoru wondered what could’ve been done, or said, to get him so down. 

“What were you doing in the kitchen?” Phoenix asked before his eyes settled on the pocky in Yoru’s hands.

“Wanted a snack, got distracted.” Yoru confessed with a shrug. 

“Distracted?” 

“Was looking at your fridge.”

“Our fridge mate,” Phoenix corrected with a chuckle. “What’s so cool ‘bout the fridge that you’ve noticed it just now?”

Yoru rolled his eyes. “The pictures on it stupid.”  

Phoenix put his hands up in mock surrender. “Calm down mate, just a bit of banter,” he lowered his hands with a smug look. “They’re nice pictures yeah? Jett had a weird photography phase so she had some pretty expensive cameras.” Phoenix recalled as he stood up and walked towards the fridge to marvel at the collage of pictures. 

Yoru followed after him to awkwardly stare at them again. “Jett?”

“Yeah, my old roommate.” Phoenix said as though it was a known fact. So Jett must be the girl in mostly all the pictures. Yoru looked from Phoenix to the fridge and waited for him to elaborate or say anything else. 

Guess he had to break the silence for once. “Glad you’re feeling better, you looked a little angry when you came back,” Yoru studied the way Phoenix’s shoulders dropped and the same tired look formed on his face. “Something wrong? I’m not the best with advice but I’m…also a pretty shit listener, but if ranting helps then I’m all ears.” Yoru said and watched Phoenix let out a small breath of laughter. 

Phoenix gazed a while longer at the photo of him, Jett, and KJ. “Jett and KJ tried setting me up on another blind date,” Phoenix said with a sigh. He opened up the fridge to find his unfinished can of sprite. He pulled the drink out and took a small swig as though it were alcohol. He made a slight face when he realized it was stale. “It was fine at first but I wish they’d realize I’m not interested.” 

“They’re your friends, they’ll understand if you just say you aren’t interested.” 

“Yeah I know…” Phoenix closed the fridge to walk back to the couch and relax into the cushion, Yoru following and sitting cross legged on the other side. “I could probably just hire someone to act like they’re dating me…” Phoenix launched into a detailed plan of acquiring a “date,” going over how they met, and how he hoped Jett and KJ found it believable enough to leave him alone.

Yoru placed his elbow on top of his knee to rest his chin against his palm. He watched Phoenix rant endlessly, his words jumbling together as the idea of Phoenix dating some random person transitioned to Phoenix dating him. 

‘We could pretend we’re dating,’ Yoru thought unconsciously. 

“Are you mad?” Phoenix yelled, eyes widened at the idea. He was off of the couch now. 

Yoru looked at him, confused. “I didn’t even say anything.” 

“You just suggested we should date!” 

Yoru froze. 

He what?

When? How?

“Is it too late to say I was joking.” Yoru replied deadpanned, he wanted Phoenix to say ‘yes’ and let him walk back to his room and pack his bags. His hands twitched to call Omen and beg him to pick him up.

Phoenix looked ready to agree to letting him stew in his room before he stopped himself. “Well…” he said while his hands waved around like it would magically start speaking and confess what was on Phoenix’s mind. Yoru didn’t need magic hands to tell him exactly what he was thinking. 

“Please tell me you’re joking.” Yoru said with a nervous chuckle, his cool exterior melting away. He couldn’t insult his way out of this one.

Phoenix shifted his eyes nervously, trying to find the right words before settling back down on the couch. “I just…it’d be better than having some random person pretend to…date me y’know?” He said softly to hopefully not freak Yoru out even more. “After KJ and Jett get off my back for a bit then we can stop pretending and tell ‘em we broke up. They wouldn’t set up a man going through a break up on a blind date.” 

Yoru couldn’t look Phoenix in the eyes. He chewed at his bottom lip while deep in thought. He pondered over the pros and cons, in which the cons outweigh the pros by a large amount, and silently begged for the universe to open up a hole and drop him into eternal darkness to reflect on every mistake he’s made. 

“C’mon man, I don’t wanna be petty but might I remind you who’s apartment you’re currently staying at?” Phoenix said. Yoru cursed himself internally, wishing he just listened to Omen and stayed. He’d rather hear them be stupidly in love than go through whatever this is. “I won’t say or do anything you don’t want man, promise, and I’m not into guys…at least I don’t think I am.” Phoenix mumbled. 

Yoru tapped his knee nervously. Phoenix was still looking at him with those puppy dog eyes and Yoru was falling into his trap. The tapping increased in speed and the room felt as though it was getting warmer. The feeling in his gut was identical to the feeling he felt back when he heard Phoenix complaining about needing a roommate; before he could say something he’d regret he settled on an answer. 

“Can you give me some time to think about it?” 

Phoenix felt like he was on a spaceship launching to the moon. His plan was almost coming together! As long as Yoru agreed he won’t have to worry about awkward conversation and even more awkward rejections. This was the good karma slowly kicking in, Phoenix thought happily. The weight he felt originally was being lifted, he could finally agree to hangouts without worrying about it being a date.

”Yeah! Yeah — of course,” It felt as though the sun was shining from the wide smile Phoenix was displaying. He picked up the remote to turn on the T.V so he could browse Hulu on his old PS4. “Mate you don’t understand how happy I am right now, I didn’t even think you’d take the time to think ‘bout it!” He was too occupied on scrolling to realize how panicked Yoru currently was.

Yoru felt like a car dropped on top of him, followed by a boulder, and then a building. 

Although they’ve, technically, known each other for four years they hadn’t gotten close until now! They’ve lived together for a little under a month, or maybe it was a month, and Yoru couldn’t confidently say they were close yet. 

How would the both of them together be believable? 

“I have to do something,” Yoru muttered and sped to his room. He was hoping they’d both be able to sit at the couch and watch whatever movie Phoenix could find online. It’s not like it was Phoenix’s fault they couldn’t chill until the sky went dark; he ran his mouth and he’s suffering the consequences of it, he just wished Phoenix would be a little better at realizing how Yoru felt. 

It was just a fake relationship, they’d meet up with Jett and KJ once in a while and go home like nothing happened. They’d go back to being friends. 

If Phoenix even thought of them as friends. 

Yoru froze at the realization. When did he start thinking of Phoenix as a friend? Was it the first day he moved in, the first time they went grocery shopping together, or the first time they ate out together? Even during his daily phone calls with Omen he kept calling Phoenix his friend. Does Phoenix talk about him like he does? Does he casually talk to Jett about him and everything they’ve done together so far? 

Does Phoenix get as frustrated and confused as he does when thinking about him? 

Or was Yoru reading too hard between the lines and mistook Phoenix’s warm personality as an invitation into his life? Was he misinterpreting their relationship like he did with Omen? The need to call Omen slipped from his mind the more he connected Omen and Phoenix together.

Was he even allowed to be someone’s first choice? Was he doomed to be in the background forever?

Were none of his relationships supposed to be real? 

Chapter Text

Phoenix was a proud believer in “trusting the process.” He was well aware he didn’t make the best choices, a trait passed down throughout his family for generations, and assumed that even with his shitty decisions everything would work out in the end. 

Which is why he didn’t think twice when he agreed to Yoru’s idea to pretend they were dating.

Just typical roommate activities, a bro looking out for a bro, and a favor being traded. Phoenix saw absolutely nothing wrong with it. 

Yoru wasn’t the worst option either. Once Phoenix got past the foul mouth, bad attitude, and snarky comments, Yoru wasn’t a bad guy! Phoenix knew his roommate could have a soft side if he wanted to show it; the way he talked about his friend Omen and how he interacted with Brimstone was actually pretty…cute. Not a normal compliment a guy would give another guy but it was the truth. 

Phoenix sighed. He spent the entire night going through Hulu and the movie he put on not wasn’t enough to distract him from the possible consequences of his actions. He also thought it was pretty impressive that he managed to stay up for so long, it was already nine a.m. and he didn’t feel all that tired. 

The only thing he was tired of was the constant notifications he was getting. Jett was blowing his phone up all night, though Phoenix guessed Jett had been scolded by Sage from the way his phone remained silent for a while. Yoru had a point, he could just say he didn’t want to be used as their matchmaking victim, but it was hard to put a stop to something they genuinely enjoyed doing and something they thought was helping him. KJ was especially excited about setting up the blind dates since she was able to meet Raze through them. 

Raze was an extremely charming and funny girl. Phoenix enjoyed the day he had with her and maybe, under different circumstances or in another life, they could’ve been more than friends. Sadly, after a pretty fun day, Phoenix had to tell her he wasn’t interested. After a brief conversation, and a lot of apologies, Jett and KJ emerged from their hiding places and thanked Raze for taking the time out of her day to meet with him. Raze’s personality was so infectious they couldn’t help but stay and talk for a while more. 

KJ was the most excited about meeting Raze. The both of them had a lot in common; they were both struggling engineer majors that had a strange satisfaction in building anything that could possibly self-destruct as well as found pleasure in annoying everyone they knew. Despite all four of them deciding to call it a day, KJ and Raze stayed behind for a little longer and that was the last Jett and Phoenix heard of them the rest of the evening.

Whatever happened after they were left alone must have been an amazing day for the both of them. KJ later called Phoenix and Jett to excitedly retell the events. After KJ and Raze decided the Internet cafe was getting boring, KJ offered to take Raze back to her dad’s diner where they could hang out as well as introduce her new friend to Brimstone. Phoenix had never heard KJ so happy about meeting someone new, and so was she. KJ never thought she’d find someone that understood her and enjoyed her company. Although she knew Jett and Phoenix cared about her she didn’t have the same connection with them like the two had for each other. She dreamed of finding “her person” and was grateful she was able to find them after years of feeling like she’d always be the last choice when it came to her friends; Jett and Phoenix then reassured that she meant everything to the both of them. She’d lecture Phoenix on how lucky she was that she even met Raze and he’d remind her that she wasn’t even the one on the “date.” 

If Yoru decided he wasn’t comfortable with the plan then he’d respect his decision. If all else failed and Phoenix can’t pay someone to act as his pretend partner then he’d tell his friends he wasn’t interested in a partner at the moment. It was a done deal. 

He sighed and snuggled further into the couch. He’d worry about everything later, it’s not like someone was going to bust through his front door. 

His hopes were short-lived.

Phoenix felt himself jump out of his skin when he heard banging at his front door. “Phoenix! Open up!” He relaxed once he realized it was just Jett, though he could feel the sweat that formed on his forehead drop down his temple. She was probably going to ask about what happened the other day. He breathed in and braced himself for the oncoming storm before wearily getting up from the couch and to the door.

Almost immediately after unlocking his door he found himself jumping back to avoid being hit by the violent swing. There, in all her glory, was his best friend. “Jett! It’s so good to see you!” He said nervously and spread his arms to invite her in for a hug. 

“I don’t wanna hear it,” she said after the long moment she took to stare at her friend. She pushed past his open arms and stomped back into her old apartment to stand in the middle of the living room. Phoenix prayed for his well-being and shut the door. “What is going on with you?” She asked once Phoenix closed the door and turned around, his head hung low to avoid her glare. 

“You gotta be more specific than that mate.” He joked weakly. 

“You know what I’m talking about! Every time KJ and I set a date up for you you’re always turning them down! If you don’t want us to do this anymore you can just say so!” She said and crossed her arms with a frown on her face. “Does it feel like we’re forcing you?” 

The angry look she adorned was replaced with a guilty frown. Jett, before every meetup, would constantly ask if Phoenix was fine with it. Despite how headstrong and careless the girl was, she was still an amazing friend. She knew when he was uncomfortable and always stood up for him. He couldn’t blame KJ or Jett for the past couple of months where he suffered, it wasn’t their fault he was too scared to tell them off. 

Phoenix shifted his eyes around the room and hoped on a cloud in the sky that something would stop him from having to confront his friend. He did not prepare for their inevitable talk to end up being so soon. He was still waiting on Yoru’s decision too. “Well…y’know…I just—“ 

He could hear a door from the hallways swing open. Yoru, hair disheveled and eyes puffy, stormed in to stand between the two friends to face Jett with an angry look on his own face. It was a sight to behold. Especially for Jett, who had never seen him in her life. In her perspective it looked as though Phoenix and this mystery guy were a little…occupied the previous night. 

Jett furrowed her eyebrows and looked from Yoru to Phoenix. “Who the fuck are you?” She yelled in shock. 

“I’m Phoenix’s boyfriend, Yoru,” he answered simply without a moment of hesitation. Jett was visibly taken aback. Phoenix’s eyes widened at the bluntness and looked over to Jett who was still trying to recover from the situation. If it hadn’t been for their talk yesterday Phoenix would’ve accidentally called Yoru out on his bullshit and blown their cover. “And I’d appreciate it if you stopped bothering him.” Phoenix felt like a loser. All he could do was watch Yoru defend him, which…wasn’t so bad seeing as it seemed like Yoru had it all planned out. 

“There’s no way you two are dating!” Jett yelled in surprise. Phoenix was glad she didn’t question when he started liking guys. This was all a surprise for him too. “When’d you two even meet?” 

“We’ve known each other since high school,” Yoru replied. “After graduation we lost contact until he started coming by the cafe I worked at. After a couple weeks of talking we decided there was something more between us.” Phoenix was surprised at how well Yoru lied — he was starting to believe him too.

Jett eyed Yoru up and down, a look in her eyes Phoenix wasn’t sure was amusement or her beginning to realize they were lying. “What’s his favorite color?” She asked suddenly. Phoenix felt his heart drop this stomach, he should’ve known Jett was going to pull something as petty as this. 

Phoenix crossed his fingers behind his back and internally thanked Yoru for doing his best to help him out. Before Phoenix could stop Yoru from embarrassing himself his roommate was already ready with his answer.. “Easy — orange.” He replied smugly, eyebrows raised like he was egging Jett on. He was ready for a challenge.

Phoenix gulped nervously. Jett was going to get specific with her questions and Phoenix doubted Yoru knew a whole lot about him.

“Favorite snack?”

“Favorite American snack? Buffalo ranch Pringles. Favorite disgusting British snack? Maltesers.” Phoenix was shocked. He couldn’t even react to the blatant disrespect of his favorite snack, he was that impressed. How’d Yoru remember he liked Maltesers? When’d he even bring that up? 

“Name a weird habit he has.”

“Whenever he’s thinking he starts to nod his head like he’s listening to music.” Phoenix placed a hand behind his neck at the revelation, did he really do that? 

“Something he does that you don’t comment on.”

“Doesn’t stop looking left when he’s making a right turn.” Jett giggled at the answer, and Phoenix wondered if this was just going to turn into a conversation where they’d make fun of him…and he was exactly right. 

For the next couple of minutes the questions were a lot more unhinged and Yoru would answer back with the same energy. Phoenix could tell Jett was at a loss, she was taking longer to think of something to ask. 

“His go-to order at Brim’s diner?” Jett smirked. Yoru scoffed at her cockiness, such an easy answer. “That is…if he’s ever taken you there.” Yoru rolled his eyes at the insult, was he supposed to be jealous? They went there every week. He was Brimstone’s honorary taste tester.

“A large orbital strike smoothie with extra whipped cream, the incendiary chicken burger at medium level heat with no pickles and American cheese, with a side of curly fries.” Yoru cocked his head to the side. “Anything else?” 

Jett seemed speechless. She was still a little skeptical but Yoru answered every question correctly without any time to think. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Jett asked and turned her attention to her stunned friend behind Yoru. It was a funny sight. Phoenix was a head taller than Yoru so seeing him behind the man was strange, especially with how he seemed to shrivel into himself to avoid being brought up during their conversation. “I feel like an asshole!” 

Phoenix stammered and realized he was not as good of a liar as Yoru was. “I wanted him to keep it a secret,” Yoru spoke for him. “But I can’t keep letting him lie and see other people anymore. So if you could—” before Yoru could finish his sentence and kick the girl out, Jett regained her posture and came back with a newfound confidence. 

“Kiss him.” She demanded stubbornly. 

“What?” Phoenix yelled in surprise. He looked down to see that Yoru didn’t look scared about the command at all. How was he so relaxed? 

“If you guys are together — kiss.” She repeated. 

“Jett you’re going too far mate, this isn’t like—“ it seemed as though today was a good day to cut people off. 

Phoenix felt Yoru tug at the collar of his blazer before he pulled him down to meet him with an extremely passionate kiss. Phoenix couldn’t believe his eyes could get any wider, but there was a first for everything. The longer the kiss went on for, the more he realized how good of a kisser Yoru was. With his roommate’s soft lips against his own — it was hard to ignore how nice it felt. Once he started to get into the kiss, he felt his eyes fall shut slowly and his shoulders start to relax. Before he could fully let loose and kiss back, Yoru disconnected with a light blush and let go of the grip he had on him.

“Happy?” Yoru asked with a smirk and turned to look at Jett and basked in the look she gave them. Her mouth was wide open, eyes open in shock, and her eyebrows looked as though they could touch her hairline. “Is that all you need? Or do you wanna watch us take it to the bedroom too?” Phoenix couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He felt steam erupt from his ears and his entire body warm up. Yoru’s comment didn’t seem to affect Jett at all, a large smile formed from her initial reaction and she bounced in excitement. 

“Holy shit!” She yelled and started to pace the room with a slight bounce in her step. “Holy shit! I can’t believe you managed to snag someone!” 

She rushed to Yoru, took his hand in her’s, and shook it violently. “It’s so nice to meet you Yoru!” She released the gripped she had on his hand and turned for the door. “I’ll be back, I need to call KJ!” She said and ran to the front door. 

“You just got here!” Phoenix yelled. 

“I’ll be back in an hour! I’m coming back with KJ, Brim, and maybe even Raze!” She said and slammed the door shut. Phoenix flinched, his neighbors were definitely going to complain. 

Yoru and Phoenix stood in silence. The two weren’t able to look each other in the eyes, but Phoenix’s dumb mouth just had to embarrass him. “You’re a really good kisser.” He admitted without a second thought.

Yoru froze up and his blush spread farther and darker. He delivered a swift punch to his arm. “Don’t say weird shit like that.” 

“Mate you got a good swing too,” Pheonix whined and rubbed his arm sadly. “Why’d you decide to help me?” He asked curiously. 

“You sounded uncomfortable…I guess I felt a little bad.” He mumbled, unable to admit he had been listening from his door. 

Phoenix sighed and collapsed onto the couch. He held his hand up to his lips and let his fingertips rest gingerly on them. “I can’t believe you took my first kiss like that,” he said breathlessly. “Did I take your’s?”

The question made Yoru hunch over as he laughed. “Do you really think I can kiss that well without experience?” He asked rhetorically and walked over to the couch to take a seat. “Sorry to break it to you but you’re not — you’re not the second, third, or fourth kiss and all the kisses after that…sorry ‘bout doing all of that without asking though.” Yoru apologized as sincerely as he could, though he couldn’t hide the fact that he enjoyed seeing Phoenix’s shocked face after they disconnected. 

Phoenix couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that he never had a real first kiss. The deeper he dug into his mind the more he found that there was also a strange emotion after finding out Yoru was involved intimately with someone before them. Not that there was a “them” in the first place. 

“I didn’t really mind it,” Phoenix said honestly. “I never understood the importance of a first kiss…but if Jett really accepted your second offer then I would’ve said somethin’.” Yoru rolled his eyes. 

“Obviously she wasn’t going to say yes, if she did I would’ve called the police.” 

Phoenix fiddled around with his thumbs and contemplated whether or not he should ask the question he was weirdly dying to know. It wouldn’t hurt to ask, seeing as it was the current topic. “Are you also a…y’know — a virgin?” He asked quietly as if it were a scandalous question.

Yoru side eyed him with a look of disbelief. “You don’t need to be so embarrassed,” he reassured him. “And I’m not. Lost it back during my freshman year, greatest day of my life.” He said nonchalantly and leaned back. 

Phoenix felt his face flush again at the bluntness. “Dude! There’s somethin’ called a censor? How are you so comfortable with admitting that?” 

“It’s just sex.” Yoru told him. 

Phoenix huffed. “There isn’t a dull day with you,” he said with a chuckle. “I guess we gotta discuss stuff like this then…I’m not proud of it but if Jett asked me questions about you I’d probably be at a loss.” 

Yoru frowned slightly before he switched his expression to one of indifference. As much as the confession hurt, Yoru knew it wasn’t Phoenix’s fault. He wasn’t the best at opening up so Phoenix would have to be insanely observant to understand him. “It’s alright,” he said and hoped it reassured him. “Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you.” 

Phoenix couldn’t help but smile at the openness. “Thanks a lot, Yoru,” he said softly. “Really — I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this but just know I’m incredibly grateful.” 

Yoru smiled back. “Of course.” He replied simply.

Chapter Text

When Jett said she’d be back soon, they didn’t think she was genuinely going to get back an hour later. Phoenix and Yoru’s panicked session of 20 questions was interrupted by frantic knocking and three voices yelling for them, as well as Brimstone telling them to be quiet. Phoenix opened the door to see them holding bags of food, as much as he dreaded this he was still excited for the meal. He could use some food.

“Are you just gonna stare, kid?” Brimstone asked, who was holding most of the food in his arms. Phoenix wordlessly moved out of the way to let them in and shut the door. He needed to stop opening doors. 

“You must be Yoru!” 

The Japanese student watched as a girl wearing a yellow snapback collapsed onto the couch and held a hand out for him. “I’m Raze! Nice to meet you man.” Yoru raised his own hand, thinking she was going in for a handshake, and was shocked when she went in for a high five instead. He needed to get better at the whole…”meeting new people” thing.

“Yeah — you too.” He said with a nod and internally cringed at the stiffness in his voice. 

KJ squeezed herself between the end of the couch and Raze and kicked her feet on top of the coffee table. Thankfully, she had taken her shoes off before they entered the house, so there was no need for Yoru to tell her to get her feet off the furniture. “I knew you two were a thing! You guys are horrible liars.” KJ said excitedly, which emitted a small laugh from Phoenix at the irony. He quickly shut himself up at the confused stare from KJ.

Jett walked over to the dining table and dropped the bags she had on it. “We came here to eat and celebrate! Get off your asses and help set the table.” Raze and KJ groaned but got up to help. “You too Phoe!” Jett yelled after seeing he stayed planted in his seat. Phoenix whined but shuffled his way to the table to help out with the plates and drinks. That left Brimstone and Yoru to sit in silence. Yoru froze at the feeling of a hand on his shoulder and relaxed when he remembered it was just Brimstone. 

“Can I talk to you kid?” Brimstone asked and nodded towards the front door. “Privately.” Yoru felt like a child again and just nodded. 

“Yoru and I are going back to the car! I think I forgot something.” Brimstone announced before he led the both of them out the door before there were any questions. 

Whatever they were going to talk about must’ve been important, seeing as Brimstone led him further away from the door to one of the benches set outside. Yoru appreciated the way townhouses were designed. It looked as though the complex were a small town, and it was always nice to walk around the outside area when he needed to destress.

“I’m happy for you guys, really,” Brimstone said to hopefully calm Yoru’s nerves. “I’d be even happier if it were real.” He added without a moment of hesitation. Yoru couldn’t help the slight flinch, his first instinct was to ask how he knew, but recovered from the shock before Brimstone could get suspicious.

Yoru picked at his nails, the dark blue polish he had applied a couple weeks ago now chipped, he needed to repaint it soon. “Why would you think that?” He asked as confidently as he could. He was an amazing liar, he could get through this conversation easily. He lied to Omen, Phoenix, Phoenix’s friends, and even his dad. He could lie to Brimstone.

“I’m not asking you so I could tell the girls you’re lying,” Brimstone reassured. “There’s a reason you’re doing this - I know…but this is something I need to know, for my own sake.” Yoru, in the time he’d spent with the older man, looked up to him. Yoru never once thought about yelling at him, but with everything piled up, he couldn’t help but let the stress inside of him slowly turn into anger. It was a shame Brimstone was victim to it.

“What good would it do for you?” Yoru snapped back harshly. The attitude didn’t seem to bother Brimstone, much to Yoru’s surprise. He expected him to yell back, tell Yoru he was the adult here. The older man just sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose.

“Do you think I, a fifty year old man, am going to gossip?” He asked rhetorically. “I’m asking ‘cuz I care about you — both of you.” Yoru turned to look Brimstone in the eyes, and he hoped to call the older man’s bluff. He desperately attempted to search for any type of sign that he didn’t actually care, that once the day was over, and promises were made, he’d go back home and spill everything to his daughter. Yoru didn’t understand family dynamics too well, but wasn’t it a rule to never lie to your kids? They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Never once did Brimstone break eye contact, never once did it seem like he was pretending to care. Instead, there was nothing but worry. 

He couldn’t lie to Brimstone.

“We aren’t dating,” Yoru confessed with a whisper, and Brimstone was surprised he even picked up the confession with how quietly Yoru spoke. Yoru turned to stare straight ahead, not wanting to see Brimstone’s look of worry. He didn’t need to feel guilty as well. “This is just a favor.” It was quiet again. 

“So neither of you actually feel anything for each other.” Brimstone clarified, and Yoru couldn’t help but think he was making fun of him, as dumb as it may seem.

“…that’s right.” He replied, albeit a little hesitant. 

“And you’re fine with it?” 

Yoru breathed in sharply. He wasn’t able to think about how he felt and finally letting everything sink in was overwhelming. Maybe, he thought, the more he pretended like everything was fine he’d forget he was miserable in the first place. “Of course.” He said with a finality in his voice that could even convince Brimstone if he didn’t know any better.

There was a tired sigh from Yoru’s side before it went silent again. They basked in the beautiful day for a moment longer. If Yoru felt like the shit show that happened this morning was the start of something horrible, watching the clouds pass and the sun shine with Brimstone truly felt like the end of an easy life. Yoru closed his eyes and breathed in slowly and felt the man next to him shuffle to his feet. Brimstone pat Yoru on the back before he motioned toward the path back to his complex.

“We should head back,” Brimstone stopped walking to say over his shoulder. “Unless you want some time to yourself.” 

Yoru shook his head without a second to think and slowly got off the bench to make his way into the house before Brimstone. He didn’t need to keep thinking.

Yoru reached the welcome mat and placed a hand on the doorknob. He stopped for a moment. “Don’t say anything, please.” He said. It seemed as though he had something else to say, his mouth opened slightly before it sealed itself shut. Without another word, he opened the door. Brimstone followed shortly after, his concerned glances fell on Yoru occasionally. 

“That was quick!” Jett said with a smile on her face. Yoru looked over the table. It was filled with food he recognized as Brimstone’s cooking, they came at such a short notice he guessed that Brimstone brought back whatever he had left over at the diner before he closed it for the day. Just to celebrate a fake relationship? What a waste of time. “But you guys came just in time, grab a seat and get comfortable.” Yoru scanned the table to see the seat next to Phoenix was empty, it was probably best to sit there. 

Once Yoru settled down he felt Phoenix place a hand on his thigh. He froze at the contact, he knew Phoenix was a touchy person from the stories he’d tell, but was this necessary? He could’ve placed his hand on his knee. 

“You alright mate?” He asked. “Did somethin’ happen with you and Brim? Does he…y’know…” Phoenix trailed off, not wanting to say it aloud in case one of the girls heard. He could just tell Phoenix, lying about Brimstone not knowing about them seemed pointless.

At the same time, Yoru felt as though he betrayed Phoenix by telling Brimstone.

Yoru shook his head. “No, he just wanted to congratulate me,” he said, his eyes still on his hand. Phoenix felt warm, he could feel the heat even through his jeans. “He said he was happy for us.” He added, not exactly lying since Brim did tell him that at the start of their conversation. Yoru felt Phoenix squeeze his thigh to show he was glad…all Yoru could think about was how big Phoenix’s hand was.

Yoru blushed at the thought and reached for the cup of water to distract himself. He hated Phoenix’s love for touch and hoped he’d remove his hand once they started eating.

“Dig in guys!” KJ said from her seat to grab as much food as she could with the tongs. “Here’s the free meal you guys wanted so badly.” Brimstone laughed from the end of the table and reached over to grab some of the bacon he prepared. 

“Don’t get used to it.” Brimstone joked. 

Yoru watched Phoenix grab an omelette and some of the sausages. Instead of shoveling the food, as he always did, he pushed everything in his plate around. Yoru gently pushed Phoenix’s hand off of his thigh and saw his expression morph from a bored, but calm, look to one of stress.

Maybe, in another life, Yoru would’ve held his hand to comfort him; instead, he reached to fill his own plate. He can think about what could’ve been another time. 

“Jett told us everything that happened this morning,” KJ said with an excited grin once everyone settled and started eating. That meant she knew about the kiss. “You come by the diner a lot and I realized I know nothing about you — you wouldn’t mind some questions, right?” 

“As long as they aren’t too personal.” Yoru said. 

“Of course, none of that at the dinner table,” she joked back. Although Yoru wasn’t all that close with her he knew she had a talent at keeping the mood bright and everyone around her comfortable. She was incredibly observant. Yoru shuddered at the thought of having too many observant people in his life, Cypher was already a handful. “Just small things. Your interests, hobbies, what made you like Phoenix, that kind of stuff.” 

“Getting right into it I see,” he joked. As much as he wanted to save himself, and Phoenix, the embarrassment of him having to connect with the sappy portion of his brain and throw up some kind of bullshit lie about what he “loved” about Phoenix…he knew that they came by just to hear them talk about how in love they are. “I’m guessing you don’t want to hear anything about myself right now so…” 

Yoru propped his elbow on top of the table to rest his chin on his hand and pretended to be deep in thought. Whether he was teasing the girl or genuinely trying to think of something was unknown. “He’s a little stubborn isn’t he? The idiot tried talking to me during my shifts and I’d try my best to ignore him, it was pretty difficult when he’d call me over just to ask for a refill on his water every few minutes,” Yoru smiled softly, as though he were reliving the moment. Moments that never happened. Phoenix couldn’t help but stare in awe, it felt nice to see Yoru talk about him with a smile so bright. “No matter how hard I tried to ignore him, I couldn’t help but enjoy his company. Watching him stumble in with his laptop and backpack, asking for the same coffee, talking about his day…it felt like he was always supposed to be in my life.”

Yoru could see they wanted more from him, he guessed stubbornness ran in the friend group. “Before I met him it felt like there was nothing for me here,” he continued. “I was lonely, confused, stressed — but one look from him and I felt…it felt like home, he makes me feel safe. There’s nothing I love more than watching how passionate he gets about something, how his eyes can tell me everything he’s feeling…there isn’t anyone like him,” Yoru convinced himself he was just describing Omen and the way he felt when he first realized he liked him. “I could go on but I’ll just leave it there.” 

The table was quiet. 

KJ and Jett had stars in their eyes. Phoenix knew the two could be quite the romantics, especially since they both had someone in their lives that made them incredibly soft. Raze slapped KJ’s arm repeatedly to show how much the confession made her cringe, but the large smile on her face was proof enough that she didn’t really mind it at all. 

“You guys are so cute!” Jett yelled and slammed her fist against the table. “Think about our double dates! If my girlfriend wasn’t so busy I would’ve introduced you two!”

Raze ignored Jett’s excited planning to turn her attention back to Yoru. “You probably haven’t lived here long, right?” She asked. Yoru responded with a small nod. “Whatever brought you here was fate!”

“My dad had work here,” Yoru answered, he wanted nothing more than to change the topic, even if it meant talking about himself for a little bit. “We were going to go back to Japan once everything was finished but…I guess he found a reason to stay.” Yoru finished with a small laugh and a shrug.

“I’m happy you got to stay then! Who knows what we’d be doing right now.” Jett said with a mouthful of food. Yoru couldn’t help but laugh softly and realized how similar Phoenix’s friends were to him. The entire morning the conversation flowed smoothly. 

Jett, KJ, Raze, and Phoenix bounced off of each other’s jokes and words without hesitation which left Yoru and Brimstone to attempt at decoding what they were saying and pitch in when they felt like it. 

Their stories ranged from the first day they met, their first impressions, and bits of their own lives so Yoru could learn about them too. Yoru didn’t think in a million years he’d be surrounded by people like them, nor did he think he’d even enjoy their company. It was nice talking to them. Yoru, who had nothing to say, was carried along with the conversation instead of put to the side. It was nice.

It wasn’t until Brimstone told them it was time to leave did Yoru check the clock. The table was empty, save for the empty plates, and Yoru told them he’d wash the dishes since everyone set the table. He declined everyone’s offer to help clean up and told them they should head home instead of staying back to do a one person job. He bid his goodbyes to the guest before making his way to the kitchen while Phoenix guided the group back to the door. 

Yoru sighed in relief, happy that the day went by pretty well — minus everything that happened with Brimstone. As much as Brimstone knowing about their relationship scared him, he knew he could trust him. Hopefully. 

Yoru hummed to himself to pass the time. There was a lot to clean but he didn’t mind it all too much. He’s a worker in a cafe, he’s gone through worse than just a couple of plates and cups. 

“Have I ever told you you’re an amazing liar,” Phoenix said from the arched entranceway that connected the kitchen and dining room. “‘Cuz I’ll say it again if I have to.”

Yoru laughed with a shake of his head. “It’s my favorite pastime.” He replied. Phoenix scoffed jokingly and walked over to the sink, and Yoru stepped to the side slightly to allow more space for the man. They worked at the few cups and utensils quickly and Yoru shut off the faucet, leaving them to put everything on the drying rack.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” Phoenix asked after the silence went on for an uncomfortably long time. 

“You just did.”

Phoenix rolled his eyes and decided he’d ignore the awful joke. “You said you only stayed in America ‘cuz your dad found a reason to,” he said as he put the last of the cups away. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Yoru questioned. 

“Have you found your reason?”

No matter where Yoru ended up leaving to, he didn’t care all too much. He loved Japan but it felt like there was nothing for him there. He tolerated America and it felt like he didn’t belong either. “I don’t know yet.” He responded simply. 

Phoenix hummed in acknowledgment. 

“I hope you find a reason.” Phoenix said, a bright smile on his face.

Yoru paused before he sighed. “Me too.” He returned quietly. 

Chapter Text

“Why’re you up so early?” Phoenix asked from the couch. Normally, Phoenix would wake up at a reasonable hour while Yoru only came out of his room to rush out the door to get to work or his first class. When it came to Saturdays and Sundays? Yoru ceased to exist, so his roommate being up and at it, with a subtle smile on his face, surprised Phoenix. “You got somewhere to be? Don’t tell me you got a date, that’s fucked mate.” 

Yoru chuckled as he made his way to the shoe rack, something he had bought for their apartment since Jett took the shoe cabinet with her. They didn’t particularly need the shoe rack, especially since Phoenix displayed his shoes on his wall, but it was nice to keep their frequented pairs in the front. “My bike’s ready to be picked up,” he said and bent down to tie his boots. “I’ve been waiting for months but I can’t complain. I got it repaired for cheap.” Phoenix tilted his head, confused. 

“Bike as in…the pedals?” He questioned.

Yoru scoffed. “I wouldn’t be caught dead pedaling anywhere,” he said. “I meant bike as in y’know — vroom vroom.” Phoenix laughed, he didn’t expect for Yoru to describe a motorbike in that way but it was a welcomed jab. Phoenix knew he was most likely making fun of him by using baby language but he couldn’t deny a good joke. Damn him and his brain.

“I didn’t know you rode a bike, honestly I thought you just didn’t know how to drive...since — y’know, I take you literally everywhere,” Yoru riding a bike was not surprising, he seemed the type of person to own one. Yoru driving a car? Seemed too normal. Yoru zipping around with a bike? Now that seemed right up his alley. “Actually, I’m proper bored right now, you mind if I come with?” He asked and got up from the couch with a stretch, he needed some fresh air.

Yoru thought about it for a moment before he shrugged. “Why not? If you aren’t busy we can take it for a ride.” He offered. The joy on Phoenix’s face after the suggestion was infectious. If he could sparkle he would be able to light up a dark room. There were a lot of experiences Phoenix didn’t think he’d ever go through, and being on a motorcycle was one. Despite Jett’s interest in them she never thought about buying one, but it’s not like she could afford one. Sage would also kill her if she saw her on one.  

“Are you serious?” He asked in disbelief. 

“Of course, you just need a helmet,” Yoru smirked proudly, excited that he finally got to show off his collection. Omen wasn’t a huge fan of motorcycles, despite his dad’s love for them, so he never understood Yoru’s habit of impulsively buying a helmet he thought looked nice. “Which I have tons of, you can choose any helmet you want.” He said and signaled for Phoenix to follow him to his room. Now this was new. 

Phoenix occasionally stopped by Yoru’s room to tell him he was hungry or when he was going out, but he’d never actually seen the inside of his room fully. He guessed that it’d be pretty plain. There’d be nothing hanging on the walls, one bookshelf for his schoolbooks and other random items, and maybe a lone laptop. 

“There’s gonna be some helmets that are off limits but that’s just a few,” Yoru opened the door of his room and Phoenix entered after a moment of hesitation. Yoru’s room was…nothing like he expected it to be. “I didn’t clean up too much, sorry about the mess.” 

Phoenix just stood there as he took everything in. 

Tons of posters were hung on his wall, ranging from volleyball posters to movies to his favorite artists. A number of trophies and medals were displayed on a bookshelf near Yoru’s desk, as well as bookshelves filled with collectibles, and — the most surprising item in Yoru’s room — was a singular, enormous stuffed animal propped up against his bed frame. Yoru didn’t seem embarrassed that he could see the giant blob of a stuffed animal chilling on his bed. Everything in his room must’ve cost a fortune. Yoru probably had a thing for collecting random items. 

Phoenix turned his attention over to the large shelf filled with helmets, each of them looked as though they were bought recently and never used.

“You sure I can use one of these? It’s like you’ve never worn any of them.” He said as he walked up to the display to inspect the gear. Every helmet shined brightly, all except one. The top shelf held an extremely worn out helmet; there were scratches, chipped paint, and from what Phoenix could gather, a large engraving. 

“Why not? I buy them ‘cuz I like the way they look, it’s not like they’re some ancient artifacts — they’re helmets,” He said with a shrug and reached to pull one down to show Phoenix the design. “This one’s one of my favorites.” It was a black helmet with dark blue lines decorating it, the visor was a matte color, and the shape of the helmet was slim. It reminded Phoenix of a cat. 

“That’s insane.” Phoenix marveled and took the helmet into his hands to inspect the design. 

“Right?” Yoru replied with a wide grin, his attention still on the object. He looked excited to talk about his collection, and Phoenix couldn’t help but find it a bit cute. Yoru wasn’t a “smiles” type of guy, it always seemed like his go to face was a pretentious smirk, so seeing him excitedly watch Phoenix take interest in something he was passionate about was nice. “I got it from some yard sale, they were selling it for cheap. Those idiots had no idea how much a helmet cost so I got it for half the price it should’ve been.” Yoru rambled on and picked up another helmet to show Phoenix. 

This one was a midnight blue helmet. The visor was clear this time and it was decorated with a mouth that showed off sharp teeth; it was intimidating. “I commissioned this one and I don’t regret it,” he said and rotated it to show everything off. “I got it painted by a popular Japanese artist in my area before I left for college, once I get enough money I’m gonna ask for another one.” 

Yoru’s rambling came to a stop after he heard Phoenix chuckle. He blushed slightly, embarrassed that he couldn’t stop himself before he mindlessly chattered about something Phoenix probably had no care for. Phoenix noticed Yoru withdraw into himself from the embarrassment and quickly changed the subject to lighten the mood. He didn’t mean to make it seem like he was making fun of him, he thought it was amusing. “Right! We were here to get a helmet right?” Phoenix said and scanned the bookshelf, his eyes landed on a helmet colored red and white with a black visor. He set down the helmet he had in his hands to carefully grab the one he was looking at. “This one.” He said with awe. 

Yoru took a quick glance and nodded. “It suits you.” He replied. He looked over at the time and beckoned Phoenix to move. “We have to go now, he gets grumpy when people keep him waiting.” Yoru left the room in a hurry, leaving Phoenix to follow after; not before taking a quick look at everything in his room, of course. 

The first thing Phoenix felt drawn to was the small cork board in front of Yoru’s desk. KJ had one of her own but the difference between the two boards were the amount of pictures. While KJ had to buy a longer board to fit all her pictures, Yoru had four pictures on his. Two of those pictures were taken at their high-school during two different graduations, another one being Yoru and some guy, and the third one was a worn out picture of a kid and an adult, most likely Yoru and his dad. 

He studied the childhood picture before he decided that Yoru looked nothing like his dad, the only thing he inherited was his dad’s blank look. It might’ve changed over the years, as most kids grow up looking like both parents throughout their lives. The older man looked like he was always angry, though Yoru had a better control over his bitch face than his dad did; he could probably approach Yoru on a good day — but his dad? Not in his wildest dreams. Everything about the picture felt off.

Whenever Phoenix scrolled through pictures of him and his friends on his phone or flipped through pages of an album, he only ever felt happy. Looking at the four photos hung up filled him with sorrow. He had no idea what Yoru’s relationship was with his dad, and he had no clue who the mystery guys were in the other two images, but it was surprising to see that Yoru — of all people — seemed the happiest in every photo. Phoenix snapped out of his stupor to rush out the door before Yoru could get angry and drag him out the room, as well as ask why he was looking at his things. 

“Took you long enough,” Yoru said once Phoenix ran into the living room to fetch his shoes and carelessly throw them on. “What were you doing in my room?” 

“Oh…y’know — I was just,” Phoenix stammered and straightened his back once he was done tying his shoes. “I was looking at your trophies!” He said with a smile. Smooth. Real smooth, Phoenix.

“My trophies?” Yoru repeated slowly with a glint of suspicion in his eyes. “They’re just a bunch of dumb awards.” He said and opened the front door. Phoenix sighed in relief. Yoru probably didn’t want to deal with asking too many questions and souring the mood. 

“Dumb awards?” He asked after he shut and locked the door. “There’s nothing dumb about ‘em, you got ‘em ‘cuz of your hard work.” Yoru just shrugged. 

“I got enough satisfaction from wiping the court.” Yoru smirked at the memory of countless players going through the cycles of rage when playing against him. Phoenix side-eyed him nervously. 

“You’re scarin’ me bruv.” 

Yoru rolled his eyes. “What about you? I’m guessing you got something from soccer, right?”

“I wish,” he said with a laugh. “I only played soccer ‘cuz my friends were playin’ a sport and I didn’t want to be left out. I put the bare minimum into every competition.” Which, even with his average plays, still secured a good amount of wins throughout his high school years. If he wasn’t good then he wouldn’t have made it into the team. 

“Did you enjoy soccer?” Yoru asked.

They stopped at a crosswalk and watched the cars speed by. “It was aight. Made a lot of memories with the team, got to skip class ‘cuz of my games, and I was pretty well-known,” he smiled as he thought about his high-school days. He was a pretty popular guy. He got along with his teachers and underclassmen as well as students from other schools who knew who he was. He didn’t miss high school despite everything that happened, it’s not like every person who engaged in conversation with him was his friend. “It was fun ‘cuz I didn’t take it seriously y’know? Guess that was the only reason why I enjoyed it.”

They crossed once the pedestrian signal indicated they could. “Now that I think about it, you were one of the best players back in high school, how come no one knew you?”

Yoru looked at him, confused. His eyebrows furrowed as though Phoenix said something wrong. “People did know me, they were just too scared to talk to me,” he clarified. “Which was fine, I knew there were students that found me…attractive, they just knew I wouldn’t give them the time of day.” 

Phoenix whistled in shock. “Wow, you really don’t care about how people feel, do you?” 

“What?” Yoru asked. “It’s not like I did anything for them to be so scared of me. Everyone just exaggerated everything I did and next thing you know, everyone’s terrified of me.”

“That can’t be true, you must’ve done something for people to avoid you like that.” 

“I took volleyball seriously and I was quiet,” Yoru said deadpanned. “I seriously cannot control the fact that my face looks like this.” He said and pointed to his resting bitch face. Phoenix had to agree, Yoru couldn’t change his face. 

“Well, I bet you had moments where you weren’t exactly the nicest.” Phoenix argued. 

“Everyone’s an asshole in highschool,” Yoru snapped back. “You were just surrounded by the few good people in school…that or they just changed how they acted around you.” 

“You could’ve been around people like that too.”

“People were nice to you ‘cuz they were scared of getting on your bad side, people avoided me ‘cuz they were scared of getting on my bad side,” Yoru said. “And who am I to change how people see me? They believed a bunch of stupid lies, so how am I supposed to change something I’m not?” 

They decided they wouldn’t take the conversation any further, judging by the lack of response. 

They went the rest of the way in complete silence. Yoru turned up the volume of his music while Phoenix checked his phone every couple of minutes to distract himself from the awkwardness between them. Sure — maybe he shouldn’t have talked about something he didn’t quite understand fully, but Yoru didn’t have to get so defensive about it, right? 

The day was going so well, he should’ve asked about the giant stuffed animal on Yoru’s bed. He knew Yoru was having problems with volleyball and he just had to ask about it. 

“Look, I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Yoru said after the silence carried on for far too long. Phoenix winced internally as he realized his chance to apologize first came crashing down. “I just…I don’t want to think about high school. They were the worst years of my life, I’m not going to let myself think about it any longer.” 

Phoenix nodded in acknowledgement. “Yeah — yeah mate, for sure,” he managed to stutter. “I didn’t mean to pry.” 

Yoru just shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said in an attempt to reassure his roommate. “I…got in a fight with one of my teammates.” Yoru confessed. He knew Phoenix wasn’t a judgmental person, but the thought that Phoenix might think of him as a bad person didn’t stick well with him. 

“You don’t need to tell me anything, really.” Phoenix said. 

“I want to clear it up,” Yoru replied. “He was angry that I never worked with the team. I told him he could take the team and shove it up his ass — I was pissed that day, we almost lost a game because they tried to stop me from playing. Thankfully my coach realized the team couldn’t spike, dodge, or serve even if it hit them in the face — so he put me back in. I turned the game around but…they weren’t happy, they were never happy. It got physical, he pushed me and I pushed him back. I must have super strength because I watched him fly just from that one push. I knew he was faking it but no one on the team was going to take my side so they just told everyone I hit him.” 

As horrible as the story was, it didn’t seem to affect Yoru all too much. His face was completely calm as he recalled the unfair event and Phoenix wondered what would’ve happened if he were in Yoru’s shoes. He sure as hell wouldn’t be able to talk about it as though it were normal. Yoru wasn’t sad or angry when talking about his team, it looked as though he felt nothing at all. 

“I’m really sorry you went through that.” 

“It’s alright, I’m over it. Even when the rumor spread I didn’t really care all that much. I knew I didn’t hurt him and that’s all that mattered.”

It was quiet again before Phoenix had another thought. “If you didn’t care about the rumors and all that, why’d you hate high school so much?” 

Yoru turned his head away at the question, trying to focus on anything else. He was able to admit what happened in high school that prompted his status, but that was all he was willing to share. “Doesn’t everyone hate high school?” He asked instead with a small laugh. “Four years of classes you don’t want to take.” 

Phoenix chuckled. “I hated the idea of taking an economics class but look at me now,” he said and straightened the collar of his blazer for extra effect. “You just gotta live in the moment, yeah?” 

“Easy for you to say Mr. Popular.” Yoru teased with a slight shove at Phoenix’s shoulder. 

Phoenix laughed at the action and shoved him back. “Anyways, how much longer we got?” He asked with a groan. “I thought we was going to take a bus or somethin’.” 

“It’s just across the street over there,” he pointed to a grey building with an open garage door. There stood an extremely large man; his arms crossed and a frown on his face. “We’re going to pay for it and leave, Breach is an asshole and I’d rather not talk to him. There’s a reason he’s never been laid in his life.” Yoru grumbled, anger written all over his face. 

“Shit mate, didn’t have to say all that about the guy.”

“It’s deserved,” Yoru said and crossed the street to the shop. “Don’t make eye contact with him, or else he’ll suck the soul out of your body…actually? He might need it, maybe he’ll finally get one of his own.” Phoenix didn’t respond this time and let Yoru rant about his hatred for the man. Maybe it was time to find a new repairman.

“Yoru,” Breach yelled once they entered the garage. “You’re late.” He said and walked over to the register. 

“Whatever.” He replied and handed the man his card without another word. 

Breach rang him up and finally looked up to see Phoenix standing behind Yoru. “Who’s this?” He asked. “Your boyfriend?” 

Now this? They didn’t plan for this. It’s not like Breach knew Phoenix’s friends, so was there a point in keeping up the facade?

Yoru just hummed in agreement. “Somethin’ like that.” Phoenix felt his face warm up at the reply, he didn’t think Yoru would keep up the act in front of him.

Breach let out a hearty laugh. “Guess assholes like us can find love.” 

“You’re too far gone to find anybody, old man.” Yoru snapped back and swiped his card back from Breach. 

Breach rolled his eyes. “Whatever, your bike is up front. Hurry up and leave.” He said and made his way to the back where he was in the middle of repairing a cruiser. 

“Gladly,” Yoru replied under his breath and left with a grin as he spotted his bike. “C’mon, I can’t wait to take this thing for a spin.” 

Once they spotted the vehicle outside, Phoenix couldn’t help but stare in awe. The bike looked amazing. It was a blue motorcycle with the same design that was on Yoru’s helmet on the nose of the bike. The details were insane, no way Yoru was able to afford this himself. “Holy shit.” Phoenix said in disbelief and circled the bike. 

“Beautiful, right?” Yoru asked and swung a foot over the bike to get himself comfortable. He turned the vehicle on and listened to the engine roar. “What’re you waiting for? Get on.” He said and tilted his head towards the extra space behind him. 

Phoenix cautiously approached the seat and awkwardly sat behind him. “You do know how to drive this thing right?” He asked nervously. 

“Yeah? Why else would I have it? I’ve been learning since high school,” Yoru revved his bike up. “Do you want to fall off or something? Hold onto me idiot.” He ordered and put his helmet on. Phoenix followed after him and secured his helmet in place before he wrapped his arms around Yoru’s waist hesitantly. 

Yoru wasted no time in speeding out of the parking lot. Phoenix felt his soul leave his body at the speed and focused on literally anything but the fact that he was on a motorcycle. How did Yoru enjoy this? He tightened his hold on Yoru and couksnt help but be surprised at how tiny his waist was. 

From the few times he’d seen Yoru dressed casually it wasn’t a surprise that his roommate was incredibly fit. He had legs shaped by the Gods because of volleyball, his arms were well toned (not as well as his thighs, of course), and he had a…well — he had a pretty nice chest…as well as other things that Phoenix didn’t want to admit he’d stared at (volleyball players had were blessed with an ass). So his waist being tiny? That was a surprise. Volleyball really did him a service.

Phoenix shook the weird thought from his head and clutched on tighter when Yoru sped up on a left turn.

He wasn’t even aware that Yoru wasn’t taking them back to the apartment. His eyes were shut tight and his head was stuck looking down. Every left or right turn felt like an out of body experience, no matter how much he wanted for Yoru to slow down he knew his friend wouldn’t listen. Phoenix could honestly care less where they were going, he just wanted off the bike as soon as possible.  

Despite the roar of the wind, the engine, and his helmet doing a good job at muffling everything around him; he could still make out Yoru’s laughter. His head tilted back slightly and the shake of his body from the force of his laughter gave Phoenix the courage to look up and take a look at Yoru’s world. 

Always being faster than everyone around them, every car coming at them looked like flies speeding by, and the only thing that was clear to them was whatever was straight ahead. Phoenix felt his smile grow slowly before it turned into a chuckle, and finally full blown laughter. He didn’t know when he let his grasp on his friend slowly loosen.

The only thing that mattered was the pure joy he felt, a type of joy he had never experienced before he met Yoru.

He felt free.

Chapter Text

The trip felt a lot shorter than it actually was. Never once did Phoenix question why they were on the freeway, though he did get a bit nervous when they turned into it, but the ride was fun. About an hour or two had gone by when Yoru got off the freeway and drove up a hill. The road was extremely bumpy and it took a couple more minutes before they reached the top and Yoru stopped his bike near a lone bench. Phoenix took his helmet off to take in the view, it probably would have been even more stunning when it got later into the night. “Why are we here?” Phoenix asked as he stepped off the bike to walk near the edge and leaned against the railing.

He heard Yoru kill the engine before he got off himself and claimed the spot next to his friend. The hill was barren, just a couple of trees, some benches, and a couple of picnic tables near the middle. There wasn’t a spot that wasn’t packed with grass and it was a nice contrast to the city below. It was empty except for the both of them as well as a couple of people in the picnic area. It was definitely not as popular as a local park would be, the place would be packed. 

“Just thought I’d take you here,” he said and looked over the city. “I can’t give you a good experience on a bike if I just took you back home right away.” 

Phoenix hummed in acknowledgement. “You stop by here often?” he asked as he straightened his back and turned his head to take a look at Yoru, who was busy scanning the view before him. He nodded, a soft smile making way onto his face. 

“I haven’t been here in a while, especially with my bike in the shop,” he said and also leaned his weight onto the bars more. “It’s nice right? Not many people come by.” 

Phoenix couldn’t believe how content Yoru seemed just by being up here. For someone who enjoyed staying in their room all day he always looked happiest when he was outside. Whether it be a short stroll around campus, going out to buy something, or something as tasking as driving up a hill just to sit at a bench. “You never fail to surprise me.” He said with a laugh. 

Yoru looked up at him in confusion, eyebrow raised to silently ask him what he meant by that. “You love being outside, you’re an insane hoarder, and you got that large monstrosity of a stuffed animal on your bed.” 

Yoru’s head tilted in confusion at the last statement before he realized what he was talking about. Instead of being embarrassed about it, as Phoenix thought he would be, he just laughed. Yoru slapped his knee subconsciously before he dragged himself onto the bench before he collapsed from the sheer strength of his laughter. “I forgot about that thing,” he said once he calmed down. “It was a present from my roommate, he knitted that entire thing himself.” 

“Why’s it so funny?” Phoenix asked and turned so his backside was leaning against the railing. 

“He begged me to keep his hobby a secret,” Yoru replied. “Which I think is stupid, what’s so weird about knitting? Guess he got tired of people teasing him.”

Phoenix still looked confused. “Why would he make you something like that – are you even into those kinds of things?” Phoenix couldn’t help but imagine a sleepy Yoru crawling into bed and snuggling into a soft pillow that resembled a blue cat. The more Phoenix thought about it, it kind of looked like Yoru himself. The blue cat had an angry face knitted on him as well as an eyebrow slit on the downturned brows. Phoenix needed a better word other than “cute” to describe his roommate. 

“Cant say no to a pillow, right? He wanted to challenge his skills and ended up making me that fat thing for a present,” Yoru smiled at the memory. It was their one year anniversary and Omen was nervous about handing Yoru a stuffed animal. He knew Yoru would accept it no matter how he felt about the present, but for their one year anniversary Omen was gifted new crochet needles, ten different balls of yarn, a new laptop, and a signed book from his favorite author (a niche author, the only reason he didn’t own a signed copy before was because of his schedule) Omen’s nerves were sated when Yoru took the large item in his arms and gave it an appreciative hug. He wouldn’t trade it for anything. “I don't necessarily like stuffed animals but I…I care about him.” Yoru stopped himself before he could say he “loved” Omen, even if he didn’t mean it that way. 

“Y’know I’m always hearin’ about your roommate this and your roommate that but I haven’t even met the guy yet,” Yoru could only think about how bad that idea was. He knew Omen wouldn’t get along with Pheonix, and he’d hate him even more once he found out about their dumb arrangement, and he did not want Pheonix to be a subject for one of Omen’s shovel talks. “You’ve met Jett, KJ, Brim, and even Raze! Why haven’t you called him over for a visit?” 

Yoru could see the expectedness all over Phoenix’s face, he guessed some time in the near future wouldn’t hurt…right? “I’ll call him up soon,” He said simply. Phoenix accepted the answer and turned his head to watch the cars go by, not knowing how else to keep the conversation going. “I don’t know much about your life.” Phoenix turned back at the revelation, a curious look on Yoru’s face.

“I doubt that, you knew a lot about me when Jett asked,” Phoenix rolled his eyes at the bark of laughter. How could Yoru forget laying down every habit, like, dislike, and trivia in front of his best friend like it was nothing? It was embarrassing. “You two are going to get along just fine.” He forced through gritted teeth, already not liking the dynamic Yoru and Jett might produce once they got closer. He wouldn’t be able to breathe without being attacked. 

“You’re just easy to make fun of,” Yoru said after a sigh. He propped his elbow on top of the bench’s arm holder and leaned his head against his hand. “And even easier to read — not that it’s a bad thing. It’s who you are.” Phoenix traced the way Yoru’s cheek was squished against his hand, to the slit on his upturned eyebrows, and finally down to his eyes. 

“You’re an extremely difficult person, you ever heard that one before?” Phoenix questioned and let out a chuckle of his own at the stifled laughter from Yoru. “Sometimes I can’t tell if you like something or not and if you’re just being sarcastic…” Phoenix shrugged, face drawn to something similar to indifference. 

“You can’t make life easier for me, can you?” He asked with a soft smile, head down to stare at his feet and watched as he kicked small rocks around. 

“Why should I?” Yoru answered, a smug look on his face. “I like when people struggle.” There was no winning when it came to his roommate. 

“No girl is going to like you with that attitude.” 

“I hope not. Seems annoying to tell them I don’t swing that way.” He confessed nonchalantly. 

Phoenix couldn’t hide his surprise. He’d only ever seen Yoru act kindly to two people; Brimstone and girls — it’s not like he was outwardly rude to KJ, Jett, and Raze when they first met. When the both of them first met Yoru insulted him! Called him stupid and explained everything as though he were talking to a toddler. Phoenix assumed that he liked girls because of how much nicer he was around them…though it might just be because Yoru couldn’t be rude in front of his friends. Anyone would be alarmed if their best friend’s significant other was a total douche. 

Brimstone was Brimstone. You can’t be mean to a senior citizen.

“Is it really that surprising?” Yoru asked when Phoenix stayed silent. “I tried things out with some girls and then slowly realized I was into guys…have you only ever been with girls?” 

Phoenix stammered, not knowing how to react to the question. “Well — yeah?” He yelled, exasperated. “How do you even gain the confidence to do that? What if you didn’t even like being with other guys? Are you supposed to stop them and tell ‘em ‘oh yeah, I need you to put your pants back on, I’ve decided this isn’t what I want,’ that takes some real balls!” 

Never in Yoru’s twenty years of living did he think he'd find someone who found the idea of experimenting…insane. “It’s not like I didn’t have a feeling I was gay before. It’s ‘cuz I went out with girls that I kinda accepted that I didn’t like ‘em in that way.”

Yoru has had his fair share of horrible relationships. From crazy exes to finding himself in a relationship with a girl who was questioning her own sexuality. He hasn’t seen her since the breakup, though they did end on good terms. It took a break up for him to say, with confidence, that he was gay.

It was a dumb relationship he had during his second year of middle school, Yoru fully believed that all relationships formed in middle school were a waste of time. They hung out on a Friday night and found themselves running to a local pizza shop to seek shelter from the rain. It was a comfortable kind of silence, and after a couple of slices she told him they needed to break up. He wasn’t all that hurt by it and he understood why she called it quits after she confessed that she was in love with another girl. After she was done with her speech he asked her, after he decided it was okay to ask, how she accepted it. Instead of a look of surprise, she seemed unphased at the question. 

It was amazing to see how mature she was at such a young age. She spoke about her experiences and her feelings as though she’d been alive for years. Never did he think he’d get advice from someone his age, he thought he’d have to ask Omen about it. 

Yoru wondered how she was doing. Although they stayed friends they drifted apart over the summer. They didn’t go to the same high school and he decided it was best to leave the past in the past. 

“So uh…” Phoenix said, breaking the somber silence. “This might seem like a weird question, and don’t yell at me for it, but do you — y’know…have you ever taken - it?” His voice thinned out slowly, the little bit of courage he had left slowly seeped out of his body. 

Yoru stared at him with a look that showed how done he was with Phoenix. “If you had asked any other guy this question you’d end up with a slap to the face,” he said, monotone. “Do you think before you ask something?” 

Phoenix felt his face heat up. Was asking the question a bad idea? Absolutely. Why was he curious? He didn’t know either! It was just something that came to mind and he stupidly decided to act upon his curiosity. “Aight I deserved that one,” he said after a minute of silent panic. “I didn’t ask to be weird! I swear! I remember you told me you weren’t a virgin so I just got curious…” 

“What do you think?” Yoru asked without a trace of embarrassment or shame.

Phoenix’s jaw unhinged; if it could, it would’ve fallen flat onto the ground. “Mate, do you think before you ask somethin’?” Phoenix cried and covered his face in discomfort. No way was he going to think about what position his roommate fancied in bed. “I’m not going to answer that!” 

“Since you were fine with asking me I thought you’d be comfortable enough to guess,” Yoru said with a shrug. “And yes I’ve taken it, if that helps you sleep at night.” 

“Why would you say it like that!” Phoenix yelled and crouched down onto the balls of his feet to further curl himself up in embarrassment. “And you say I have no filter.” Phoenix didn’t think that in the midst of learning about Yoru he’d also learn about his sex life. He thought it’d be a normal and wholesome conversation. They’d bond over their likes and dislikes, talk a bit about their lives before college, then ride back home.

“You had a question and I answered, it’d be rude to leave you curious.” 

“It’s not like I was going to think about it!” He snapped back and picked himself, and his soul, up from the ground. “I’m just going to pretend none of this happened.” 

“The few times we’ve talked about sex you get so embarrassed,” Yoru said and observed his nails. “Are you a virgin?” 

“Would it,” Phoenix hesitated for a moment. “Would it be weird if I was?”

Yoru just shook his head. “Why would it be?”

“You don’t find it weird?” Phoenix asked. 

Yoru’s eyes shot up to look at him, head still down. “Why would I?” He answered. “You could lose your virginity today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or never even lose it at all and I wouldn’t question it.” 

“Lose it today?” Phoenix repeated with a laugh. 

“I wouldn’t even bat an eye.” Yoru replied with a smile. 

Phoenix broke eye contact to stare at the floor and laugh with a soft shake of his head. “You’re a good person, y’know that right?” Yoru just rolled his eyes as a way to show he didn’t believe it. “I’m being real here. You offered to be my roommate, you cook a lot of my food, you let me ride your motorcycle, and you always offer good advice. Once this whole fake relationship thing is over I hope you find a guy that also sees that in you.” 

Yoru ignored the ache in his chest. Right, he forgot about the whole fake relationship thing. Deep down, he knew that person was standing right in front of him; but he knew he couldn’t change how Phoenix felt. There wasn’t going to be a change overnight, especially since Phoenix was so sure he only liked girls.  “Yeah,” he whispered, not trusting his voice. “I hope you find someone like that too.” 

Phoenix smiled in return and stretched his arms up to the sky with a yawn. He couldn’t thank Yoru enough for taking him to such a nice spot, he’d have to ask for directions later. Phoenix wondered if he’d ever find someplace where he could run to, he guessed Brim’s diner didn’t count since tons of people went there too. It wasn’t a secret if everyone in the area went there too. Speaking of his diner. “You wanna stop by Brim’s and annoy him a bit?”

Yoru scoffed in disbelief before he rose to his feet. “Wouldn’t hurt to visit,” He replied and gestured to his bike with a nod of his head. Phoenix followed him to his bike and got ready to drive off. This time, Phoenix didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Yoru. Although they were ready to leave, Yoru hadn’t turned the engine on yet. “You don’t actually want to meet my friends, right?” He asked nervously, and turned his head to look at Phoenix. 

Phoenix looked at him, puzzled. How could someone be so afraid to introduce their friends to somebody? Was it because of him? “Why don’t you want me to meet your roommate? Is there somethin’ wrong with him? Or me?” 

“Of course not, he’s just…” Protective, Yoru wanted to say. Omen would definitely not hesitate to swing; and Cypher, being an amazing boyfriend, would simply stand back and record. Yoru did not want to be in the middle of it, as he always was when his friend caused a scene. For someone majoring in architecture, Omen was a pretty good fighter. His skills most likely stemmed from his mom forcing him into self-defense classes, as well as the many fights he involved himself in during high school. Omen was an incredibly scary person despite how calm he seemed to be. “Not a people person.” 

That was true. 

“You and your friends have a lot in common then, huh?” Phoenix joked. 

‘Just wait ‘till you meet Cypher.’ Yoru said to himself. Cypher did enough talking and introducing for the both of them; once you got him going, he won’t stop. He always found something new to talk about, though, ever since they graduated his conversation starters contained less gossip and more of just complaints. College was too big for gossip. High school Cypher knew everyone and everything. The three of them would meet up during lunch and nutrition to hang out on the steps of the science building and listen to Cypher spill every secret he’s heard. 

“As if you and your friends aren’t carbon copies of each other.” Yoru snapped back lightheartedly. 

“Brim isn’t all that hyper.”

“I don’t think Brim counts as your friend.” Phoenix seemed offended at the comment. 

“Of course he does! Just a lot older than all of us…and he’s our friend’s dad — still counts!” Phoenix rambled under his breath. “Plus you haven’t met Jett’s girlfriend. I think the two of you would get along pretty well.” 

Looks like every group of friends came with an outlier. 

Yoru smiled at the thought and finally turned the engine on. It was nice to finally come back to the park, he’d have to come back alone soon. He needed some time to think. 

He’ll have to worry about the future later. 

Chapter Text

“You wanna do what?” Yoru asked in alarm. He quickly shot up from the lying position he was in, trying to understand what Omen was asking of him. 

“You said Cypher and I should visit one day,” he replied, completely oblivious to Yoru’s panic. “I also bought some plants as well as other small gifts for your room, think of it as a late housewarming present.” 

After the short motorcycle ride, and also an hour for pacing around his room, Yoru called Omen and casually slipped in how it’d be nice if they visited and met Phoenix. Yoru didn’t think that Omen, a week later, would willingly take up the offer. His friend always complained about how busy he was, how’d he find the time to visit?

“You haven’t bothered visiting, so I thought I’d visit you instead,” there was rustling on the other end, Omen was most likely wrapping and bagging all the gifts he had. Typical Omen. “I hope this isn’t too short of a notice.” It was an extremely late notice. 

“When are you guys leaving?” Yoru asked and lugged himself out of bed to busy himself with rearranging things on his desk.  

“We should be there in an hour,” he replied after a moment of thought. “You know how long it takes for Cypher to get ready.” Omen finished with a fond chuckle. Gross. The both of them were only in their early twenties and they were already acting like an old married couple.

Despite how disgusting it was to hear, Yoru couldn’t help but roll his eyes with a smile. “Can I tell you something?” Yoru asked after the call went silent. Omen just hummed in response to give Yoru the initiative to keep going. “Promise you won’t freak out.”

Omen just laughed cautiously. When Yoru started a question off like that, Omen knew nothing good was going to follow after it. “I haven’t heard you sound so nervous in a while. I can’t make any promises because of that.” 

Yoru wondered if telling his friend over the phone would cause less trouble than if he were to do it in person. 

The logical side of him also knew that telling him now would make the visit awkward. Yoru wanted to do everything he could to avoid ruining the day. “Actually…I’ll tell you later,” he said. “It isn’t all that important.” Why would he say that? It was extremely important. 

Omen didn’t question the sudden change, but he did make a quick face of confusion that Yoru couldn’t see, and decided to move on from the odd conversation. “Well alright then…we won’t be there long, no need to get so worked up. You’re a growing boy and you want your alone time, I get it.” 

Yoru could hear the sarcasm drip from his friend’s voice, but for the sake of time he chose to ignore it. He needed to get ready and clean the living room up. Phoenix had a bad habit of falling asleep on the couch after an all nighter. The coffee table was littered with drinks, plates, and snacks. “Whatever old man, I’ll see you soon.” Yoru ended the call before the conversation could go any further. If Omen had something more to say, it’d just have to wait. 

Yoru threw his phone behind him, and hoped it landed back on his bed and not the hardwood floor, and scrambled out of his room to briskly walk down the halls and knock on Phoenix’s door. “I know you’re awake!” Another set of knocks. “Open the door!” 

It didn’t take long for the door to swing open to reveal an extremely bewildered Phoenix. “What’s got you screamin’ bloody murder?” He questioned. “I’ve never heard you get that loud before, Jesus Christ mate.” He whined sleepily. 

“No time to talk, I need you to get ready and help clean up a little bit.” 

There was a pause, and a puzzled look developed on Phoenix’s face. “Why?” He asked after a long moment of silence. Too long of a silence, so much time wasted.

Yoru groaned, he already told him there was no time to talk. “Remember how you wanted to meet my roommate? Well I told him he could visit one day and he texted to tell me he’s coming by right now,” He said quickly, stealing a glance at the clock at the end of the hall and running his hands through his hair. “And since you were so adamant about meeting him you’re going to help me make the house presentable.”

Phoenix just slouched childishly, a pout on his lips. “Why would your friend care ‘bout our place bein’ messy? It’s not even that bad.” He said and peaked his head out the room to look at the living room. Aside from the cups left on the coffee table the room wasn’t all that dirty. 

Yoru just groaned. “Okay fine! But you better be on your best behavior and you’re going to be there to explain our situation.” He said and stomped into the bathroom to fix his hair.

“When have I not been behaved?” He yelled questioningly, which was met with the slam of a door. If Yoru wasn’t being so jittery Phoenix probably wouldn’t have been as nervous as he was, but knowing how Yoru got when even thinking about his friend made him a lot more scared than he should’ve been. 

Out of the goodness of his own heart, as well as the nerves building up inside of him (which, once again, wouldn’t have been there in the first place if Yoru wasn’t being so skittish about everything), he changed out of his sweatpants and muscle tee to throw on his black ripped jeans and grey t-shirt. As much as he wanted to wear his blazer, it was pointless to wear it inside. 

Phoenix assessed himself in front of his full body mirror, muttering to himself childishly. “Be on your best behavior,” he mimicked with an expression resembling Yoru’s usual frown. He exited the room with a sigh to pick up the mess he left the night before in the living room. He needed to stop falling asleep on the couch, it wasn’t even that comfortable of a couch. The cushions were stiff and the color was atrocious. Phoenix couldn’t tell if it was a faded blue or a light green. Whatever it was, Phoenix knew he needed to replace it soon. 

Phoenix heard the soft patters of Yoru’s slippers against the wood floor. “What d’you think about replacing the sofa?” He asked after another moment of listening to Yoru shuffle around the apartment. He wasn’t doing anything of importance, he was constantly checking his phone and rearranging pots and other decorations that seemed “out of place” or crooked. 

“Why so sudden?” He asked simply. Phoenix shrugged as he made his way toward the kitchen to clean up the cups and put away the bag of chips. Yoru followed him in and snatched the bag away. He looked inside and threw it into the bin. “That was empty.” He said with a scowl before grabbing a cup to fill with water.

“There were crumbs still left,” Phoenix replied. “And I ‘dunno, it’s a bit of an ugly couch don’t you think?” Yoru took a sip of his glass and stood in front of the couch to take in the vision Phoenix had. 

He set his cup down on the coffee table before going back to staring at the furniture. “Yeah it is kinda ugly.” He concluded with a chuckle. The couch did not fit the color scheme the living room was going for. Though…there wasn’t much of a theme in the first place. 

Omen was going to hate their apartment. 

Omen and Yoru had very similar likes and dislikes, one of those likes being any shade of blue. When they moved into their apartment Yoru agreed to letting Omen decorate, which resulted in their place being various shades of dark blues, whites, and blacks. Cypher hated it.

“Jett picked it out, said it was her favorite color. Me, being a good friend, let her buy it. Since you live here now, you get the honors of choosing a new couch.” Phoenix said and pat Yoru on the shoulder as he passed by to fix the shoes near the rack he left out. He didn’t have the energy to put them back on the shelf at the time, sue him. 

“You really know how to make a man feel at home.” Yoru said sarcastically before resuming to check every single part of the apartment to make sure it didn’t look too much like two men incapable of taking care of themselves lived there. 

Phoenix just chuckled as he watched Yoru run around the apartment. This was a new but welcomed sight. 

-

The both of them had finally finished and deemed the apartment was presentable enough. It wasn’t long after Phoenix slumped onto the couch to scroll through his phone, and Yoru mumbling to himself from the corner of the couch, did they finally hear a knock on the door. Yoru jumped from his seat to walk nervously to the door, wiping his hands on his jeans, and looked back at Phoenix with a look that said ‘Don’t fuck this up.’

Yoru opened the door to reveal two of the most intimidating men Phoenix had ever seen. 

What was up with Yoru and being surrounded by scary people? Yoru himself was scary, Yoru’s dad, the guy that fixed his bike, and now both of his friends. Phoenix stood to greet the both of them and finally had the chance to take in how tall they were. 

Don’t get Phoenix wrong, he took pride in his height. He was five foot ten and a half , the half really mattered here. But compared to him and Yoru’s height of five foot eight (Which Yoru would then remind him that he was above the average height of Japanese men) they were massive. 

Not only were their heights extremely unnerving, but the stare the tallest among them sported was deadly. 

Yoru cleared his throat to catch their attention. “Phoenix, these are my friends — Omen,” he gestured to the tall figure wearing a dark purple trench coat and black straight cut jeans. “and Cypher.” And pointed to the man wearing a similar coat to Omen but in a cream color. Phoenix lowered his eyes to see both of their hands intertwined, and snapped his eyes back up to their faces. 

“Nice to meet you.” He managed to choke out with his signature smile, although a little strained. He brought a hand up for a shake, in which Omen simply stared at it while Cypher grabbed it and locked him in the firmest handshake in the history of handshakes.

“It’s nice to finally meet you!” He said with a large smile and finally let go of his hand. Cypher looked past Phoenix to invite himself into the room, dragging a quiet Omen behind him.

Yoru and Phoenix stole a quick glance before the shorter of the two shut the door and turned to see Cypher and Omen look around as if they were in a museum. They talked quietly among themselves and Cypher would simply laugh at his own jokes while Omen remained silent. Yoru knew his friend was absolutely cracking up on the inside though. If Cypher had said that in private he’d probably be hunched over and slapping his knee as though his boyfriend had said the funniest joke of all time. 

“Is that the plant you wanted to give me?” Yoru asked as he made his way to his friends. Omen simply nodded and passed the pot to his roommate, as well as a large bag with a tag hanging on the straps.

“It’s fake, you don’t need to worry about killing it,” Omen said with a slight tone of disgust. “You’re lucky I got it, you know how I feel about fake plants.” Phoenix just watched Yoru roll his eyes playfully. 

“Yes I know, you’ve told me a hundred times.” Yoru inspected the pot before nodding. 

“I told my parents you moved out, they wanted me to give this to you,” and motioned at the bag. “My mom gave you some candles and I promised my dad I wouldn’t tell you what was inside until you opened it. You know how he likes attention.” Yoru chuckled at the subtle diss. 

“I’ll be back, let me arrange some stuff first, I already planned a place for this.” Yoru said and quickly left to hurry into his room and shut the door, leaving Phoenix to stare after him with a panicked look on his face. He looked from the hallways back to the two men in his living room. 

“Your name was Phoenix…correct?” Omen asked after some uncomfortable staring. Phoenix shivered slightly, the gruffness of Omen’s voice was not helping with his nerves. 

“Y-yeah.” He stuttered pathetically. 

“How’s Yoru been?” He asked simply. 

The last thing Phoenix needed was an overprotective friend. “He's been doing great.” He managed to squeak out. 

“Is that right…” Omen said, his words trailing off. Cypher, who was watching the interaction with an amused glint in his eyes, cut into their conversation.

“Don’t be so uptight,” he said and lightly slapped his boyfriend’s arm. “Don’t worry about him, he’s just worried about his friend. They’ve known each other since they were kids y’know?” Phoenix gulped, the way Cypher said it meant he knew that fact would affect him. Great. He was an overprotective childhood friend. 

“Of course, yeah — I understand.” Phoenix heard the door to Yoru’s room finally open. He finally let go of the breath he was holding in and watched Yoru walk in with a confused look on his face. 

“What were you guys talking about?” He asked. 

Omen just shook his head. “Just wanted to get acquainted with your roommate,” He said before Phoenix could scream about how much he hated being around them. Omen still had his eyes pointed at him and Phoenix had no choice but to look away. “Also what did you want to tell me? It sounded important.” Omen asked and walked over to the dining room table to set down the bag of food that was originally in Cypher’s hands.

“Do you want to talk about it before or after we eat?” He asked and set the takeout boxes on the table, which gave Cypher the okay to raid their kitchen for plates and cups. “It’s nothing fancy. I got chicken from that Korean chicken place you like so much.” 

Phoenix watched as Yoru’s eyes lit up in excitement at the red boxes. “Did you get soy garlic?” He asked and walked over to the table. Omen opened the box to reveal the chicken Yoru had been craving for weeks. Before he could snatch a wing away Omen closed the top. Yoru pouted slightly and directed his sad eyes at his friend. Omen simply raised an eyebrow as if to challenge him. “You want me to tell you now, don’t you?” He sighed in defeat, to which his friend nodded. His sad eyes don’t work anymore, hasn’t worked since they were kids.

“Well…” Yoru knew Phoenix wouldn’t be able to get him out of this situation. Especially since his roommate looked ready to run out the apartment. “Long story short, Phoenix’s friends kept setting him up on blind dates, he didn’t have the guts to tell them to stop setting him up on these dates, and after talking about it for a while — and being the amazing roommate I am, I offered to be his fake boyfriend so they’d back off and it…worked?” The confidence Yoru had left was finally running thin.

Phoenix didn’t know the relationship between the two of them, so Yoru being that scared of telling his friend he was in a fake relationship confused him. It wasn’t that bad of a situation, it could be worse. 

But in all honesty — what was worse in Phoenix’s world?

“Yoru,” Omen said calmly, which was a lot more terrifying than if he were visibly angry. “Are you stupid?” He asked in Japanese. Phoenix, although still frightened, was amused. He didn’t expect for Omen to be fluent. 

“Can we talk about this later? Please don’t make this awkward.” Yoru begged. This was exactly what Yoru was worried about. 

If Yoru had placed bets with someone prior to this meeting, he’d be filthy rich. Omen scares Phoenix not once but twice? Check, easy five dollars right there. Omen brings Yoru’s favorite chicken ever as a small bribe? Make that ten dollars. His friend scolds him in front of his roommate in Japanese? He’d be swimming in dollar bills by now.

Omen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, he didn’t care that Phoenix was standing right there, it’s not like he understood. “Do you understand what you’re getting yourself into? You know how this is going to end! I know, Cypher knows — fuck — your roommate might be stupid but he’s going to realize when you want something more than… whatever this is.” 

“Don’t call him stupid you don’t even know him.” Yoru bit back, the rest of Omen’s words falling on deaf ears. His friend could’ve gave him the answer to life and he’d still focus more on the fact that he just called Phoenix stupid.

Omen felt his eyes widen in realization. “You like him, don’t you?” Yoru shifted in his spot, he didn’t like how worked up his friend was getting. He also couldn’t say he was particularly fond of Omen putting the pieces together and figuring out how he felt. “Jesus Yoru, what’re you going to do now?” The very question Yoru avoided asking himself. 

What was he going to do now?

It was silent again. There was nothing he could say. 

“Please,” Yoru continued in English. “Let’s just eat, okay? I don’t want to argue. Not now.” 

Omen remained silent. He still stared as though he were ready to keep arguing about it, but Yoru was tired of having to explain himself. 

“I’m not a kid anymore, you can’t keep doing this to me,” Yoru switched back to Japanese when Omen’s intense gaze didn’t falter a bit. “We can talk about this later, I promise.” He added in defeat when his friend still hadn’t budged. Later, just like everything else in his life.

Before Omen could reply Cypher finally came back from the kitchen, most likely listening in and slowly translating everything for himself. “Wasn’t that a great performance? I missed hearing this everyday,” he said with a nostalgic sigh. “Come Phoenix, sit. Don’t pay them any attention, let them be angry babies for the rest of the day, there’s nothing we can do about it.” Phoenix just laughed awkwardly at the joke and side stepped his way around the two friends to take a seat at the table.

Phoenix couldn’t believe how different Cypher was from his friend and boyfriend. The man always had a sardonic smile on his face and was able to ignore the natural brooding nature of both Omen and Yoru. It was pretty impressive. 

After a couple seconds of exchanged glances, Yoru and Omen finally took their places at the table. The rest of the day was spent in silence, other than Cypher’s questions which were mostly directed at Phoenix. 

It was finally Phoenix’s turn for the shovel talk. 

It didn’t look like Yoru was going to be much help in the situation either. He was currently sulking in his seat as he picked at the skin of his chicken. 

“I’m surprised Yoru even came up to you,” Cypher said after a quick sip of his drink. “I’m guessing you two are…friends of some sort?” 

Their quick session of twenty questions did not prepare him for this. “We sorta knew each other back in high school.” He replied.

Now this peaked Omen’s interest. 

“You two knew each other in high school?” He asked.

Phoenix didn’t know why this was so bad, but judging by the tone of his voice it was safe to say he fucked Yoru over immensely. 

He silently apologized to his friend for everything he was going to say. “Well, we had a lot of the same classes together and saw each other ‘cuz of sports…” Omen simply nodded at the information. Phoenix side eyed his roommate to see him clench the chopsticks in his hands before relaxing his grip on the utensils and setting them down. 

“Volleyball?” Cypher asked simply. 

“Ah no, I played football…or — soccer.” He corrected himself to which Cypher laughed. 

“I understood you the first time, no worries,” Cypher popped a pickled radish in his mouth and continued his investigation after swallowing. “I take it you two didn’t talk much during practice, right? Then that’d mean you two were close during classes?” 

Phoenix could probably count every conversation he’s had with Yoru during high school on both his hands. “You can uh…you can say that.” He said. 

Cypher’s eyebrow raised in suspicion. 

Yup, he absolutely fucked up. 

“I think we’ve been here long enough,” Omen said as he stood from his seat. “We had plans today. Thank you for letting us in, it was…a pleasure meeting you.” There was no smile, he simply stared at Phoenix and waited for Cypher to collect his belongings. 

“I’ll talk to you soon.” He told Yoru before turning for the door. Neither Yoru or Phoenix got up from their seats to escort them out. They waited for the door to close and exhaled in relief. 

“That was intense.” Phoenix said in his best attempt at raising the mood. 

Yoru nodded, his eyes glued to the table. “Omen‘s a great friend,” He said. “I know it doesn’t seem like it but he’s just…scared.” 

“Of what?” Phoenix asked, confused.

Yoru just shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, I need to go.” He stood from his seat, ready to dash for his keys and take a long ride. Before he could make a run for it Phoenix grabbed his wrist. He turned his head to see how worried he was. 

“Don’t push me away,” Phoenix begged. “please.”

Yoru felt his knees buckle. There was nothing he wanted more than to let Phoenix in. When was the last time someone looked at him like that other than Omen or Cypher…and even Brimstone. 

“I’m sorry.” He choked out and sped over to the key rack near the front door.

-

Not once did Phoenix think something as small as a fake relationship could unpack so much in such little time. 

This obviously ran deeper than ‘oh, my best friend is in a fake relationship with some guy he barely met, what an idiot.’ Frankly, if Jett had told him this story he’d be a bit overprotective for a hot minute, but then he’d be on the floor laughing. Omen looked as though Yoru had triggered the events of the end of the world. 

Whatever it was, Phoenix couldn’t ask Yoru about it. Not only had Yoru been gone for hours now, but he really doubted his friend would willingly go into detail about what Omen was so…scared about. 

Phoenix groaned and sunk deeper into the couch. Man, best friends were weird. 

He fiddled with his controller a little more, scrolling through his list of shows and movies he's watched recently on Netflix. He didn’t feel like watching something at the moment, the only thing on his mind being the look on Yoru’s face.

In the few months he’s lived with Yoru, as well as the little time they spent in high school together, the image he had of Yoru was unmoving. He didn’t think he’d ever see him so…scared. It genuinely upset Phoenix seeing his roommate like that, he didn’t really understand why it did. 

Phoenix guessed anyone would be a little sad seeing someone else so down in the dumps, but this was a completely new type of sad. The last time Phoenix remembered feeling that way was when his moms had fought over something insanely stupid. 

He couldn’t, for the life of him, remember what sparked the fight in the first place. He could only guess it involved him. 

But his moms were, and still are, in love. If there was anything he learned from his parents then it was most definitely the meaning of true love. 

But seeing them argue like that? Hearing them yell the most horrible things towards each other? That broke him. He was a kid at the time of the fight, he was tiny. Unable to really do anything but watch from behind the doorway with unshed tears in his eyes. 

Maybe Omen and Yoru fighting reminded him a lot of his parents. It wasn’t what the fight was about that was the problem, it was the fact that two people who cared for each other were going through a hard time.

Phoenix laughed as he remembered the last huge fight he and Jett had. 

This argument he remembered clearly. It was recent — it was also incredibly stupid. 

It was the day Jett mentioned wanting to move in with Sage. 

Phoenix wasn’t a jealous person, far from it. When Jett’s social circle grew bigger and bigger by the day, he simply watched with a fond smile. At the end of the day, he knew he was her best friend. Nothing was going to change that. The idea of him sharing such an important part of her life with somebody else? Now that he was scared of. He cut almost everyone off, the only person he had was her, so the fact that she wanted to move out possibly meant the fact that he’d lose her too. 

They yelled at each other for hours before Jett rushed out of the apartment. After a couple of minutes of sitting on the same ugly couch, he finally realized he was being an idiot. Although he wanted to apologize, he felt he wasn’t ready to face his friend just yet. Phoenix thought Jett would be at Sage’s house, so he decided to stop at Brim’s for some comfort and a quick pep talk. 

He didn’t expect to see his friend sitting on a stool at the bar and sipping a vanilla milkshake, a sad look on her face. 

After he had hyped himself up, he sat himself beside her. She looked up from her drink and they just…stared. No words were exchanged but the two friends began to laugh as though they had reconciled, and in a way — they did. 

They sat in silence for the rest of the day, a relieved smile on their faces. They talked about it later, but at the time, they basked in the peacefulness. 

But the difference between those two events in his life, and whatever happened today, was that it affected him personally. Both fights involved him, this didn’t. 

So why? 

Why did he care so much? 

Phoenix sighed and finally decided to watch something to get his mind off of things. 

He hoped Yoru would come back soon.

Chapter Text

“Alright let me get this straight,” Jett said over the phone. “Yoru’s friends came over who you, in fact, wanted to meet — by the way, you knew Yoru wasn’t exactly ecstatic about you guys meeting but you still wanted to meet ‘em anyway. And after knowing each other for less than an hour you guys tell ‘em you two are dating which causes a crazy argument, and now you’re just realizing how protective they are?” She recollected. 

After the hours Yoru had been gone started to stretch to concerning numbers, Phoenix called Jett to take his mind off of things…as well as talk a little bit about what had happened. His best friend needed to know everything after all.

“No, I realized they were crazy protective the moment I saw ‘em. You shoulda felt their aura, it was like I was meetin’ his parents for the first time,” Jett snorted at the comparison. “But yeah, he’s been gone for a bit now. Ran out after they left.” Phoenix said with a sigh, still remembering the hurt in his friend’s eyes. 

“You didn’t run after him?” Jett asked, worried. 

“Took the keys to his bike,” he replied. “Can’t keep up with him even if I tried…though I’m sure he’d appreciate some alone time.” Well…Phoenix had his car but he wouldn’t be able to keep up, nor did he even know where Yoru would go. He still never asked about the address of the park Yoru took them that one day. Jett just hummed, albeit a little hesitant. She didn’t know Yoru like Phoenix did, she’ll let the whole situation slide. Even if it was concerning to hear that someone who clearly wasn’t feeling the best was now on the streets driving a motorcycle. 

“Of course, the boyfriend knows best.” She sing-songs. Phoenix rolls his eyes at the words, close to telling her they weren’t dating. Before he could make that mistake another voice spoke up from Jett’s side.

“What were the names of Yoru’s friends if I may ask?” Sage finally said on the other side of the line. She had been silently listening along to the conversation, she too needed her daily dose of drama. “Jett told me you had a boyfriend, yes, but she failed to tell me his name. Yoru? The name sounds familiar.” 

“Omen and Cypher?” Phoenix replied without much thought. 

It was silent once again, until a lightbulb seemed to turn on in Sage’s head. “Ah! They were in the same grade as me. I had a lot of classes with the two of them, a strange pair they made.” She finished with a chuckle. It was quite the shock to hear Omen, the “scary” student who sat in the back of every class, was dating Cypher — who fed off of gossip. Sage never questioned it. Cypher always looked content sitting in the back with his boyfriend as well as rambling on as Omen only nodded in response whenever they were walking the halls.

“You knew ‘em?” Phoenix asked. After asking the question he reasoned that she only knew him because of her presidential duties. Sage had been the president of both their junior and senior board, probably crossed paths during her campaigns. She was very dedicated to her role. 

“Well…yes I knew them but we weren’t very close, the three of them were always together. Poor Yoru must've been lonely when they graduated,” She sympathized. This was a thought Phoenix hadn’t let cross his mind at all. Having his only friends both be a year above him as well as a bunch of petty rumors floating around and ruining your social status…it must’ve been a lonely senior year. Now that Phoenix thought about it, he doesn’t remember Yoru joining in on any of their senior events. “Unless the two of you were friends?” She questioned. 

God he needed to plan out an elaborate timeline. The lies they were telling were starting to get jumbled. “We talked here and there ‘cuz of sports, and we had a bunch of classes together. We weren’t too close but…I was there.” Make yourself seem like the savior, how elaborate.

“How cute.” Jett sighed dreamily, not noticing the way Sage averted her eyes. 

She decided not to voice her opinions, she’d deal with it in private. “Well…it’s a shame I didn’t get to meet Yoru in person, Jett told me the day went well.” 

“Of course, Jett seemed to get along with Yoru well. Raze and KJ have no problems with him, and Brim is Brim…though I’m pretty sure he likes Yoru more than me.” He added with a chuckle. Phoenix knew this was true. Brimstone cared about him in a ‘he’s my daughter’s friend’ kind of way…but he looked at Yoru almost the same way he looked at KJ. 

Phoenix didn’t think Yoru would worm his way into their group the way he did. As much as Phoenix hated to admit it, he had no faith that his roommate would leave a good impression on everyone…but Yoru most likely thought the same about him. 

“As long as everything’s going well…Phoenix, I don’t mean to intrude but…” another pause from Sage. Phoenix just hummed to tell her he was waiting for her to continue. “I’m not the type of person to believe everything said about someone but you should be careful with Yoru.” 

Phoenix’s eyebrows furrowed at the warning. “Whaddya mean?” He asked hesitantly. 

“It’s just — he doesn’t have the cleanest record.” 

“Is this about his volleyball team? He told me all about it, it was all a bunch of lies.” He said to try and defend his friend. 

Sage just sighed. “It’s not just that, I heard some talk going around about him being kicked out of his house back in high school,” Phoenix didn’t like how personal this talk was getting. As jarring as it was to hear, this wasn’t her business. “I’ve heard his dad was a respected man, Yoru must’ve done something horrible to him. It’s the only reason he’d be kicked out so young.” 

Phoenix clicked his tongue in annoyance. “You can’t  just assume something like that, you don’t know him or his life.” 

“And I’m assuming you do?” Sage bit back. 

‘Of course I do.’ Is what Phoenix would’ve answered back with confidence if it wasn’t for the fact that he didn’t know anything about his friend’s life. He didn’t even know Yoru had been kicked out. What Phoenix did know…or rather assumed, was that it probably wasn’t Yoru’s fault when it came to his living situations. Yoru’s dad looked extremely strict. Whatever it was, it probably wasn’t even that big of a deal. Right? 

“I’m not telling you this to ruin your relationship,” Phoenix didn’t like the way his friend had said that last word. “I’m just warning you. Maybe you’re right, maybe I am wrong. It doesn’t hurt to be safe. I don’t want you getting hurt.” 

There was an ache in his chest that wasn’t going away any time soon. Yoru wasn’t a bad person, it bothered him that someone like Sage would even believe what other people said about him. She always told him that she took gossip with a grain of salt, yet here she is. “I’m not having this conversation right now. I’m ending the call, I’ll talk to you later Jett.” He pushed his thumb on the ‘end call’ button as fast as he could, Jett’s last words cut short. 

He tossed his phone beside him and focused on the show still playing in front of him. Despite his initial anger toward his friend, he couldn’t get rid of the thoughts that stemmed from their conversation. What did Yoru do? Phoenix chewed at his lip, he needed to trust that this was all just a misunderstanding. 

He’ll ask about it another time.

-

“Yoru you can’t stay angry at me for long.” Omen said from the doorway he was leaned against. After a long drive, Yoru decided to stop by his friends’ apartment after Omen texted him that they arrived back home after a quick shopping spree. 

“I’m not angry,” he replied. “I just…I can’t believe you’d do that in front of Phoenix.”

Omen was ready to argue, but Yoru was quicker. “It doesn’t matter that you said it in Japanese, it wasn’t the right time.”

“What would be the right time then? A couple months from now?” Omen asked. “I’m sure that if I didn’t bring it up you would’ve never told me, am I wrong?” 

Yoru stayed silent. 

Omen sighed. “I’m sorry,” He said, finally. Yoru’s eyes widened in surprise, not expecting an apology so soon. “I was just…worried, I wasn’t thinking.” 

Yoru didn’t want to say that everything was fine, but what good would it do if he didn’t accept it. “It’s fine — I guess.” He mumbled. Omen smiled softly at the reaction and sat down beside him, leaning against the couch as comfortably as he could. 

“I’m not being too protective, am I?” Omen asked after getting himself situated. As embarrassing as it was to admit, he could get pretty extreme when it came to his friend. Especially after everything that went on in high school, he’d been more on edge than usual. 

“Well…” Yoru said and looked away from him. Omen nudged him softly and chuckled. “He’s pretty much terrified of you.” He finished with a laugh. 

“I guess I’m doing my job right then,” Omen replied. It went quiet for a moment. “Phoenix? Really?” Omen asked with a laugh when his curiosity finally got the best of him.

“Don’t look at me like that…” Yoru blushed and pushed his friend’s face away when he got too close. 

“No, seriously — he wasn’t any better than those assholes back in high school.” 

Yoru just shrugged. “He doesn’t remember it, high school was like two years ago.” As if the time really mattered. 

Yoru remembered holding back from telling Phoenix he wasn’t completely innocent when it came to the bullying back when they were picking up his bike. Although Phoenix never did anything to him, he still agreed to whatever was being said about him. Phoenix was as fake as he was. Laughing about a couple jokes about him then pretending they were friends in class. 

Yoru guessed it was because he needed answers for their assignments.

Which Yoru would eventually give in and pass his work to him when it was almost time to hand everything in. Yoru thought it was hilarious watching his seatmate quickly write everything down, a stressed look on his face. It was like this every year until they graduated, Yoru wondered why Phoenix didn’t just ask somebody else for answers. Someone that wouldn’t cause him that much distress. 

There were a lot of things Phoenix could’ve done. 

A notification from his phone ended Yoru’s train of thought. He fished his phone out of his pocket to check the number as well as what was sent. Yoru guessed it was just some dumb spam number, or even Phoenix, but the familiar phone number forced a scowl onto his face. He placed his phone with the screen down on his lap. 

“I’m guessing that wasn’t Phoenix,” Omen said. Yoru just huffed and crossed his arms, leaning further back against the cushion. “It was your dad, wasn’t it?” 

Yoru nodded. “Why won’t he just leave me alone?” 

“Why don’t you block him?” Omen asked, his tone curious instead of accusing. Yoru didn’t answer, he was sure his friend already knew the answer to that question. He’s asked it a ton over the past years. “What’s he been sending?” 

Yoru grabbed his phone from where it was on his thigh to go through the one-sided messages, an activity he partook in weekly since read-receipts could be turned off on his phone. “Random shit — he thinks my number’s like a diary for him,” Yoru answered with a scoff, still scrolling through paragraph after paragraph. “Talking about his amazing day, his amazing new wife, and his amazing step-son.” Yoru jumped from his seat to pace the living room floor angrily, eyes glued to his screen. 

“Always calls that little shit my brother and his wife my mom. Mine? Don’t make me laugh.” Yoru remembers the very day his dad texted him about marrying some woman he was talking to in his company. Yoru never responded to it. Why would he? He’s never met her, the only reason he even knew of her existence prior to the surprise was because of how often his dad came home late with a stupid smile on his face. 

A smile that would quickly disappear the moment he realized he was finally home when he saw Yoru walking around the house. Yoru, his biggest disappointment. 

Bastard. 

“Keeps telling me his wife wants to meet me, that he wants to talk,” Yoru shook his head in disbelief, still pacing in front of Omen. “Talk about what? ‘Oh Yoru, I’m so sorry I’ve made your life so miserable that you moved out the summer before highschool, let’s be a family again!’ Who does he think he is? My dad?” 

“Well…” Omen started to say with slight hesitation. 

Yoru was quick to cut him off. “Don’t answer that,” Omen backed off, it wasn’t the time for jokes. “It’s just so — ugh , I’m almost twenty one! And now he wants to be present in my life? I don’t need him anymore!” 

After packing his things and running away to live with Omen and his parents, Yoru believed that the extremely weak tie that kept both him and his father connected had finally been severed for good. He believed his dad wouldn’t care, it’s not like he tried stopping him from running out the door anyway. He simply watched his thirteen year old son leave. It was confusing, especially for a kid like him at the time. Why didn’t his father stop him? Why didn’t he try and bring him back? Why was there even a need to leave? So many questions that Yoru simply could’ve left unanswered — but Yoru knew better than anyone that he needed those answers. It’s why he never bothered to change his phone number after seven years, why he never blocked his father, why he’d stay up at night scrolling and rereading every text and listening to every voice mail over and over again. 

Yoru wonders if his father’s already realized how desperate he was for closure. That’s why he never apologizes or brings up the past in his texts or voicemails. It’s why he goes on about his day and simply asks for Yoru to reply so they could meet in person. He wasn’t going to give Yoru what he needed unless it was in a way he saw fit. Typical. Yoru’s waited his entire life for a reason as to why his dad was the way he was, he could wait another lifetime if he had to. 

“Yoru,” At the call of his name, Yoru finally feels his senses come back to him. The first thought that comes to mind was how he ended up on the floor, and when Omen left the couch to join him there too. The second thought he had was how difficult it was getting to breathe. “Can I touch you?” Omen asked. Yoru just nodded before he felt his cold hand gently grab his own before guiding it to Omen’s chest.

“Can you follow my breathing for me?” Yoru nodded at the request, in the corner of his eyes he spotted Cypher watching from the doorway. A worried look on his face. When’d he get there? He didn’t know. After a moment of quiet breathing as well as Omen’s whispered praises, Yoru finally feels himself come back to his body. 

“Thank you.” He croaked. Omen nodded in response before getting back up on his feet and pulling Yoru up with him. 

After shuffling their way back to the couch, Omen waits until Yoru’s completely fine before announcing his opinion. “I know how much you hate when someone tells you what to do with your dad — and I am, and always will be, the first person to support you when it comes to how you want to deal with that piece of shit — but you need to talk to him one day. For the sake of yourself. ” 

As much as Yoru hated to admit it, Omen was right. It wasn’t going to be easy, but maybe if he just talked to his dad the weight on his shoulder would finally lift. He couldn’t go on with his life like this, there was already enough to worry about anyway. 

“I will,” Yoru replied quietly. “I just need more time.” 

Omen’s eyes softened. “Take as much time as you need.” 

-

After another hour or two of crashing on his friends’ couch, Yoru decided it was time to leave. Phoenix had finally texted him about his whereabouts and that was sign enough that he’d been gone for too long. 

“You’ll be okay driving back right?” Omen asked as he watched Yoru tie his boots back on. 

“Of course,” Yoru replied with a chuckle. “You know this isn’t the worst condition I’ve ever rode in.” A fact Omen hated more than anything. Omen’s parents didn’t like the idea of suppressing the both of them from new experiences, so when Yoru finally turned seventeen his parents allowed him a small glass of beer. When Yoru seemed to handle the small glass perfectly fine, they allowed for him to drink only that amount until he turned the legal drinking age. 

Underage drinking wasn’t illegal if an adult was present, but of course Yoru found a way to sneak a little extra for himself. Even though he wasn’t completely sober at times, he’d still hop on his bike and go for a ride. Yoru hasn’t been that reckless for a while, Omen made sure of it. 

As much as he hated the idea of Yoru drinking, Omen couldn’t stop him. After all, he used the rule his mom and dad set to his full advantage as well. 

His parents still supported that rule to this day. The large bag his parents gave him to give Yoru to celebrate his new apartment were four bottles of soju. His dad loved soju, and would always say his love for the alcohol was only because he was Korean. Omen’s mom couldn’t drink soju unless it was flavored, something his dad would say was because she was American. As much as his mom wanted to just give him a pack of beer they both knew full well how much Yoru liked the Korean drink when Omen’s dad gave him a shot just for the fun of it on his nineteenth birthday. 

“Thank your parents for the alcohol for me by the way,” Yoru said after he finished tying up his boots. “I’ll make sure to drink responsibly.” He added with a salute before turning and walking out the door. 

“You better!” Omen called out. “Only half the bottle every week!” All he got was a thumbs up in return. Omen continued to watch Yoru hop on his bike and speed away until he felt Cypher’s arms wrap around his waist from behind. 

Omen turned his head slightly to look down at his boyfriend, who had his chin resting on his shoulder. “I’m sure he’s happy he has you in his life,” Cypher mumbled sleepily. “ I’m glad you’re part of his life.” Omen smiled softly before shutting the door. 

-

“Mate it’s almost eleven,” Phoenix said as he took in Yoru’s look of indifference, as though nothing happened earlier in the day. “Where were you?”

“Went to talk to Omen,” He replied and leaned to untie his laces and place his shoes on the rack. “I fixed everything between us…not everything but as much as I could.” He said and walked past Phoenix to collapse on their couch. 

“Everything as in he still doesn’t like me.” 

“Exactly,” Yoru said with a snap. Phoenix rolled his eyes and shut the door before taking a seat next to his friend. “You wanna do something fun?” Yoru asked as he observed the polish on his nails.

“Fun?” Phoenix repeated to which Yoru just smirked. 

He got up from his seat and stretched. “Wait here.” He said before walking to his room and locating the mini fridge next to his desk. He picked out two bottles of the gifted soju and walked back to his dumbfounded friend. He gently shook the bottles in his hands with a smirk before setting them down and walking to the kitchen to find a glass for them. 

“I wouldn’t expect you to have shot glasses, right?” Yoru shouted from the kitchen. 

“Uh nah.” Phoenix replied after some hesitance. Yoru huffed in annoyance before picking out two clear glasses and shuffling back to the living room to set the cups down. 

“So you’ve never had alcohol in your life?” He asked. 

“I’ve had some?” Phoenix questioned and watched Yoru pick up one bottle, shake it, and pop the top open. “Just a couple of sips here and there.” 

“You’re gonna love this then,” Yoru said and poured half of the bottle in his cup and the other half in Phoenix’s. Half a bottle as promised. He took his glass in his hands and motioned for Phoenix to grab his own. “To our relationship.” Yoru said with a chuckle and held his glass out, expecting a cheers. 

“Yeah,” Phoenix said and clinked their glasses together. “To whatever the fuck this is.” He said with a laugh before taking a swig. He paused to take in the alcohol, smacking his lips a little. It tasted…nice? 

“Whatever you’re thinking, save it for later,” Yoru said and took another sip. “It won’t even feel like you’re in your own body in a couple of minutes.” Phoenix didn’t like the sound of that. 

His moms, being the wine enthusiasts they were, let him take very small sips from their cups whenever there was a big celebration. His moms also had a very high alcohol tolerance, so he’s never witnessed them drunk — this was going to be a horrible experience. 

At least the drink tasted good. 

“So what’d you do while I was gone?” Yoru asked as he got himself further situated on his seat, only now realizing Phoenix was watching something on the T.V. 

“Exactly what you’re seeing right now,” he replied with a laugh. He was watching a movie that was recommended to him, a movie he’d partly been interested in because of the video reviews he’d been getting online. It was some movie about a break up…at least, that’s all he’s able to chalk it up to. “Same old shit.” He said with a sigh and gulped down the rest of his drink. 

It was strong. 

Phoenix watched as Yoru popped open the second bottle before pouring an equal amount into both of their cups. There was no need for cheers, they simply threw their heads back and drank. 

After emptying both bottles, they decided to just sit there and let it sink in. 

It was going to be a long night. 

Chapter Text

“I’m just sayin’,” Phoenix said after he was done laughing. “What’s a bunch of kids doin’ playin’ with fire?” His speech was slurred, the alcohol had kicked in a while ago. Yoru and Phoenix went back and forth talking about the first thing that came to mind that they found funny. 

“You’re not playing with fire,” Yoru replied, a drunken grin on his face. “That’s the last thing you do in a chemistry class.” 

Their latest topic was Phoenix’s lab mistake back in their junior year. Phoenix, being the curious student he was, left the Bunsen burner on for too long during their chem lab. After a couple minutes of intense staring, he grabbed a test tube that contained a small amount of the liquid they were using for their lab — and poured it onto the ongoing fire. 

He didn’t think it was going to do anything. The liquid seemed harmless enough, the last thing he expected was for there to be a small combustion. Everyone in the science building was later escorted out of the building after the smoke alarms went off. 

Thankfully, no one saw Phoenix’s stupidity.

Except his lab partner at the time, Yoru. 

“I remember you begging me not to tell anyone you did it.” Yoru said with a laugh. After every class was safely out of the building, Phoenix pulled Yoru to the side and made him promise not to say anything. Yoru, being the little shit he was, smirked in return and shrugged. He told Phoenix he didn’t like making promises and walked away to ditch the rest of the class, no way they were going to continue lessons after that.

Phoenix lived in fear everyday that his classmate would go ahead and tell his teacher about the mistake he made. After a couple of months went by, and the accident was now just a funny memory, it was clear to him that Yoru didn’t care enough to rat him out. 

“Did I?” Phoenix asked amusedly, not remembering having any conversation with Yoru outside of homework. Phoenix does remember, kind of, telling someone not to snitch but he always assumed it was one of his friends in class. Guess not.

Yoru’s grin dropped slightly. “You don’t remember?” 

“Uhhhh…” He croaked in deep thought. “Maybe it’s ‘cuz I’m drunk.” He joked, not noticing the way Yoru’s mood seemed to worsen. 

“Man,” Phoenix said with a content sigh. “Tellin’ you all these stories and stuff, I wonder if we coulda been better friends in high school.” He wasn’t expecting much of an answer, and even if Yoru did have one, his mind was too hazy to really process it. 

“Honestly?” Yoru started to which Phoenix hummed in response. “I doubt it.” 

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think so?” 

Yoru thinks back about the way Phoenix used to look at him when he walked down the halls and how he’d chuckle about some stupid joke aimed at him. “I know so.” 

“Who wouldn’t wanna be your friend,” Phoenix with a dopey smile. “You’ve been so nice to me — sometimes, you cook really well, you’re smart, good at sports, and you’re like — really, really, cute. You know that? You’d be so much cuter without all that hair gel crap, and if you frowned a lil less too. You needa work on your expressions a bit more.” Phoenix threw his head back and laughed. Yoru felt steam come out of his ears, he probably looked stupid just sitting there and turning red. 

This would be the last time he’d drink with Phoenix. 

“What are you even saying, idiot.” Yoru mumbled and kicked Phoenix with his leg softly. 

“You’re so mean,” Phoenix whined playfully and rubbed at his leg. “Always callin’ me stupid. You’re like my moms.” He said with a faux pout. 

“Moms?” Yoru questioned, surprised. 

So Phoenix had two moms and was still confused about his sexuality? Did he not ask them for advice at all in his life? 

“Yeah both of my moms,” he repeated as if it would snap Yoru out of his initial shock. At the thought of his parents Phoenix leaned back and stared at the ceiling. He was unable to form any kind of intelligible thought, but this was the first time in so long that he’d be able to talk about his parents. He wasn't going to let go of this opportunity. Even if he didn’t make any sense. “Always callin’ me dumb and shit. I knew they was jokin’ most of the time and all of that but…it still hurt y’know? Man…feels weird complainin’ about them, it’s not like they were bad parents. They were great moms, couldn’t have asked for anyone better in my life.” 

“Even if they were nice they should’ve known they were hurting you,” Yoru said, staring at his friend who still had his focus on the ceiling. “You kinda expect your parents to be able to understand that kinda stuff—basic parent shit.” At least, Yoru thought that should’ve been basic parent etiquette. Yoru’s standards when it came to family dynamics were extremely low. What would he know?

Phoenix just shrugged. Very rarely did he let his parents’ words affect him, especially now that he was older and living away from them. His life was going great, better than anyone expected—better than he expected. “They never said it out loud…I really doubt they thought this…but it always felt like they didn’t think I’d make somethin’ outta myself,” He chuckled. If his parents heard him say this, they’d smack him across the head then proceed to hit each other for making their son feel that way. “My moms used to say the worst thing about me was that I never listened, but I’m glad I didn’t. I coulda spent my whole life thinkin’ I wasn’t meant to amount to anything.”

Yoru stayed silent as he listened to Phoenix laugh quietly to himself, most likely still thinking about his parents. After a moment of thought, Yoru finally found his voice. 

“How’d you do it?” Yoru asked quietly and drew his knees to his chest. “I thought that at some point in my life I’d stop caring about what people thought about me…I made sure I didn’t let anyone in just so I wouldn’t have to hear anyone’s shitty opinions…but I still care so much about what this one person thinks about me.” Yoru wondered if he should’ve just admitted that person was his dad. 

Phoenix just chuckled as if Yoru was telling him a hilarious story and not opening up about his trauma. Phoenix’s laughing fit finally came to an end when Yoru extended his leg to kick him again. “I let people in,” Phoenix answered simply once Yoru retracted his leg. “Because of all that trial and error I found people who I genuinely enjoyed being around and cut off people I just…wasn’t vibin’ with. Like people who thought I was stupid and all that.” He said and laughed. 

Yoru frowned. “Did I ever make you feel that way?” He asked, the question finally getting Phoenix to look at him. The alcohol must’ve really hit different if it had Phoenix staring so intently at nothing. “Do I still make you feel like that?” 

Phoenix just shrugged. “Sometimes,” Yoru appreciated the honesty, even if it did make him flinch. “But I know you don’t mean it.”

“I still hurt you.” 

Phoenix smiled slightly. “No…I don’t think you could hurt me—no matter how hard you tried,” he said and turned his head back to its original position, going back to staring at nothing. “Even if you did, I wouldn’t mind.” 

Yoru, who wasn’t completely drunk off his ass like his roommate was, would remember that. “Neither would I.” He said, knowing Phoenix wouldn’t remember any of this anyways. Yoru could let go completely without worrying about what Phoenix thought. 

“What about you?” Phoenix asked, to which Yoru cocked his head to the side curiously. “Your parents? I told you ‘bout mine, it’s your turn. ‘S only fair.” How childish, Yoru thought with a scoff. 

It wouldn’t hurt to rant, especially with how out of it Phoenix was. 

Yoru hummed in thought, not knowing what kind of story he should tell him. It’s not like he had a wide range of them. They all fell into the same category. “My dad wasn’t the greatest,” Yoru started, a faraway look in his eyes. Yoru clenched his eyes shut at the mention of his dad. “…when I was younger I — tried to find a way out…” He said simply, knowing that no matter how vague it might’ve sounded Phoenix would’ve picked up in the clues anyway. 

Phoenix’s head shot back toward his roommate, concern filled his eyes. He wasn’t expecting something so personal so quickly. Yoru just chuckled. “It was my first year of elementary school after moving here. There was a kid a grade above me whose parents were always too busy for him. They were rarely home, and whenever they were home they’d spend their time asleep. I guess the loneliness got too much for him, so after a huge argument he stormed out of their house and ran into a busy street…you can already tell how that went.”

“Holy shit, is he okay?”

“Yeah,” Yoru replied nonchalantly. “He was admitted to the hospital and his parents never left his side even after he woke up, obviously. From then on their schedules were a lot more flexible. If one of ‘em was at work the other was at home with him.” 

What Phoenix didn’t need to know was that the boy in this story was Omen. Yoru would never forget the days he spent at his friend’s bedside until he felt better again. Yoru doesn’t know what he’d be doing now if the accident was fatal. Omen was Yoru’s safety net. The older boy, who normally spent his time in the library or under a tree reading, marched his way up to Yoru when he found out about “the new kid that doesn’t speak English” and introduced himself as best as he could in Japanese. Omen was interested in the language because of a show his dad watched during his free time and he spent almost a year prior to meeting Yoru practicing the language. Their fate as best friends was sealed that day. 

Yoru paused before continuing his story, the image of a young Omen bed ridden still haunted him. “When my stupid nine year old self heard this story I had the most amazing idea to do the same thing. I thought that if my dad saw me in a similar state he’d finally realize he loved me…I thought my mom would come back if she heard I was hurt,” Yoru smiled bitterly. “When I finally woke up all I saw was anger on my dad’s face — he wasn’t even concerned. I went to sleep every night for the next year wondering why my plan didn’t work…until I finally realized why.” 

“…why?” Phoenix questioned. 

“It’s simple…my parents never loved me,” Yoru admitted. The same five words he dreaded as a kid but was finally able to admit now that he was older. “That kid’s parents? Worked their ass off ‘cuz they cared about him. My dad was never home so he didn’t have to take care of me.”

Phoenix wondered how Yoru could say all of this without even a single tear fall from his eyes. Either way, the look Yoru had was one he couldn’t bear to look at. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered. 

Yoru chuckled and shook his head in reassurance. “Don’t be, I was young and stupid — stupid enough to think my dad cared about me,” Yoru paused as he fiddled with a stray thread that came out of his sweatpants. “As much as my dad hurt me there’s still a part of me that — that loves him. As stupid as this sounds, I can’t help but wonder how my life would’ve been if he wasn’t such an ashsole.” 

“Nothin’ wrong with wishing your dad could’ve been different,” Phoenix replied. When Yoru stayed quiet Phoenix asked the one question he was dying to ask. “What about your mom? What happened to her?” 

“She left when I was born…can you believe it?” Yoru asked with another laugh. “I really thought she would love me enough to wanna see me again.” 

“Of course your mom loved you.” Phoenix added, hoping it’d ease his friend’s hurt.

“She hated my dad more than she loved me.” 

Phoenix sighed and pulled himself a little closer to Yoru. “So how’s you and your dad now? You moved out after high school?” Phoenix’s mouth goes dry after remembering the conversation he had with Sage about Yoru being kicked out. Even if he was shit-faced, he still remembered faintly of the conversation. If only they weren’t having this conversation after a bottle of soju. 

“High school?” Yoru joked. “I ran away before high school even started…but I’ve been checking up on him. Has a new wife who has a son of her own. He takes care of that little shit as if he didn’t ruin my life.” Yoru grabbed his cup, hoping there would still be a little bit left to drink. When all he got was a small drop of alcohol, he placed the cup down angrily. Whenever Yoru imagined his dad, all he would see was a dark figure looming over him — unmoving. He’d picture his dad standing tall, a frown permanently etched onto his face. Despite the image, his dad was young and healthy. 

When Yoru thought about his dad now, all he could think about were the pictures his new wife posted online (Yoru found her account after impulsively looking her up, he won’t admit this out loud). The man he feared, who he once called his father, was a new person entirely. The tensed shoulders were now relaxed, the once healthy hair now greying, and the most surprising of all — a soft and genuine smile that never left his face. 

He wasn’t Yoru’s dad anymore. 

He was his step-brother’s. 

“I guess he realized how bad of a dad he was to me,” Yoru grabbed his phone from his pocket and went straight to his voicemails. “He tries apologizing, wants to see me.” 

Yoru scrolled through the list of voicemails until he landed on a specific message from a month ago. The message started with a long silence before a soft voice spoke up. ‘…Yoru? You still haven’t picked up any of my calls,’ there was a pause before his dad sighed. ‘Though I can’t blame you for that…I was talking to your brother about school and couldn’t help but think of you. He reminds me so much of you when you were younger…I miss that kid — I miss you …please call me back.’ Yoru balanced his phone on top of his knees, a look on his face that Phoenix can’t decipher. 

Phoenix’s eyes trail down to Yoru’s phone after quickly realizing he was still staring at his face. “…Maybe he really has changed,” he said simply. “Isn’t it best to just give him another chance?”

Yoru could feel his blood run cold at the lack of sympathy. He knew Phoenix meant well when giving him advice but the last thing he needed was for someone to tell him to give his dad another chance just because he’s “changed.”

“Why couldn’t I have been the reason he changed?” Yoru spat with venom lacing his voice. “Why did I have to suffer?” Yoru spent his entire time in middle school believing he did something to deserve the way his dad treated him. He reasoned that his dad’s attitude was because his mom left — something Yoru also believed was his fault. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Phoenix said. Yoru shifts his gaze towards Phoenix, who had moved closer while Yoru was still deep in thought. “You didn’t deserve it.” Yoru felt his heart clench. As touching as his words were, Phoenix was still drunk. They’d pass out from the alcohol and wake up with a headache and whatever happened the night before would be forgotten. Everything Phoenix and Yoru confessed would just be a faint memory, and the comfort they found with each other would seem like a dream. 

“I didn’t deserve it.” Yoru repeated quietly. It doesn’t hurt to lie to yourself once in a while. 

-

“Phoenix,” The voice was muffled. Phoenix groaned as he felt someone shake his body lightly. “Phoenix wake up, it’s almost one.” He groaned and rotated his body so he wasn’t facing Yoru. 

“I made breakfast,” Yoru said simply. Despite the raging headache Phoenix was suffering through, he forced his eyes open at the mention of breakfast. If there was anything he looked forward to every morning, it was always the smell of whatever Yoru was cooking. “Eggs help with hangovers, so I made sure I made a lot for us.” Yoru straightened up from the crouching position he was in to walk back to their dining table where he had the table set already. 

Phoenix, after some struggling, finally hauled himself off the couch to walk to the table. He could already feel his mouth water at the smell. He quickly took a seat and picked up the breakfast sandwich Yoru made. It was made simple with a warm croissant, avocados, eggs, bacon, and a slightly spicy sauce. Phoenix took a big bite out of it and deflated in his chair, a satisfied smile on his face. 

“Thank you so much Yoru for the food.” Yoru grumbled sarcastically to himself and took a smaller bite out of his sandwich. 

Phoenix, who had shoved a good amount of scrambled eggs mixed with crispy bits of shredded potatoes, quickly gulped down the bite. “Sorry mate,” he said with a smile. “Thanks for the food.” And was reaching for his glass of orange juice. 

“How’s your headache?” Yoru asked. 

Phoenix just shrugged. “It’s fuckin’ killer,” he joked. “I don’t know how you’re totally fine — fine enough to cook breakfast too! We coulda just went out to eat.” 

Yoru scoffed. “I’m not taking us on our bike when you’re still hungover, and I’m sure as hell not letting you drive after last night.” 

Phoenix placed a hand on his chest dramatically. “You care ‘bout me?” He asked. Yoru grabbed a small piece of scrambled egg and threw it at his friend, who tried and failed to catch it with his mouth. 

“Don’t flatter yourself.” 

Phoenix just chuckled and went back to focusing on his food, as well as trying to remember what happened while they were drunk. All he could make out was the first hour of them drinking and then suddenly waking up…well — that wasn’t all he remembered. When he thought hard enough, which was asking too much from a person with a raging headache, he could make out fragments of different conversations. Things he said about highschool and his life back home, and something about Yoru he couldn’t place a finger on. Maybe a small nap would jog his memory. Maybe it’d also get rid of the pounding in his head. “What happened last night?” Phoenix asked. “If you’re perfectly fine then I guess you remember somethin’ , right?” 

“I don’t remember anything,” He lied without a moment of hesitation. “Maybe it’ll come back to us another time.” And that was the end of that conversation. Phoenix didn’t question his friend further and instead went with the lie. There wasn’t any suspicious about it at all, Phoenix would’ve been more surprised if Yoru remember what happened after all that alcohol. 

Yoru hoped everything they said never came back to them. 

-

After finishing their breakfast in silence, both roommates quickly excused themselves back to their rooms and relaxed until their hangovers were completely gone.

Phoenix spent his time on his phone searching up the effects of alcohol. Sure he’s drunk before but not this much. 

“Do my memories come back after drinking?” He mumbled to himself as he typed the question on his phone. Most of the articles, as well as people who were answering questions, said it just depended on how much alcohol someone drank. 

And it wasn’t that much alcohol if Phoenix was still able to remember a couple of details, so at least he wasn’t black out drunk. 

Phoenix sighed as he tried his best to remember what happened after, or even before, the memories he was able to keep. 

‘I don’t think you could hurt me.’ Phoenix’s brows furrowed at the voice he can make out to be his own. A small flash of Yoru’s flushed face staring at him, and then his own mouth opens to reply to his comment — his extremely cheesy, out of character comment, he’d never say to his friend. 

If only Phoenix could remember what the context was. What were they discussing for him to say that? 

Phoenix groaned in frustration, turning onto his side as he racked his brain for any kind of answer. ‘Even if you did I wouldn’t mind.’ He faintly remembers. 

‘Neither would I.’ The memory comes back to him as if it never left. Yoru’s already red face seemed to shine even brighter at what he had said, his eyes now focused on the floor. It looked as though despite the words being his honest thoughts, it was difficult for him to even admit it. 

Phoenix’s mind wanders, his original mission of trying to make sense of what happened thrown out the window as his brain flashes pictures of Yoru throughout the night. A transition he wasn’t completely aware was even happening. 

Yoru with his head thrown back to laugh. Then a grin. Blushing. Embarrassed. 

Sad.

Angry.

Confused. 

Every new thought and image that materialized in his head was just Yoru. 

Well…obviously, right? The last person he saw was Yoru, so obviously he wasn’t going to see much of Jett or KJ up there in his head. Of course. 

Phoenix tapped at his phone in deep thought, not really focused on whatever popped up on his feed. 

He wondered what they said last night for Yoru to go through such a wide range of emotions. 

Chapter Text

Phoenix knocked lightly against Yoru’s doorframe. After days of ignoring each other, or mostly Yoru avoiding him by locking himself in his room, his roommate finally allowed for his door to stay open just a crack. Phoenix took this as permission to talk to him or even enter his room. 

Yoru took his headphones off after he realized Phoenix was waiting at the door, his body leaned against the frame. 

“Did you need something?” Yoru asked simply.

Phoenix just shrugged. “I was wonderin’ if you wanted to go to the park with Jett and I. She’s bringin’ a whole bunch of food and she wanted to see you again.” 

Yoru tilted his head in confusion. “Just us three?”

“Well…her girlfriend’s gonna be there. She was already talkin’ about a double date and all that.” Phoenix was not excited about this fact. He’d already accepted the invitation, though he should’ve known that Jett was going to bring Sage too. Sage’s schedule was finally clearing up, especially with exams and her labs finally being out of the way. Phoenix only knew this fact because of how the girl excitedly told him about all the fun dates they had planned now that she was free. 

He wouldn’t be feeling this way if Raze and KJ were there. 

“This is kinda last minute…”

Phoenix chuckled. “With how the past couple of days have been I couldn’t really find the right time to tell you this. The park isn’t all that far and we don’t needa bring any food either, doesn’t hurt to stop by for a few hours — also Jett’s food is amazing. She’d be really happy if you tried out her cookin’. She lives off of compliments.” He added. 

Yoru sighed as he contemplated his choices. There wasn’t anything he had to do at the moment — or at all, really. His plan the entire week, and the following weeks, consisted of waking up, working, going back home, and sleeping the rest of the day off (as well as attending his classes but that was the least of his worries.) It’d be a nice change of pace going outside for something other than his job. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” He said as he quickly saved his work. 

“You sure? You weren’t doing anything important right?” Phoenix asked and looked at Yoru’s screen. It was a mess of what looked to be small doodles. He didn’t know he was an artist. 

Yoru just shook his head. “Haven’t been busy for a while,” he said and powered his PC off. He stood from his chair and stretched his arms out with a grunt. He’d been at his PC for a couple of hours watching random videos and sketching new designs for helmets and bikes. It was a new hobby he got into after Omen gave him his old drawing tablet after his parents gave him an iPad for all of his work. Yoru also used it for some games he had on his PC, but he didn’t want to admit it. “I’m gonna change first, just wait for me outside.” 

“Alright, don’t take too long fixin’ your hair and shit, we gotta get there soon. Jett hates when people are late.” He warned before pushing himself off of the frame he was leaning against to walk over to the couch.  

Yoru just scoffed and made his way to his closet to pull out the first pair of jeans and t-shirt he could find. He was going to wear his jacket over it anyway, no point in finding his best black shirt among his other black shirts. He quickly replaced his sweats and muscle tee with the pair of ripped jeans and the shirt he found before making his way to his bathroom. He was originally going to style his hair the same way he always did but after pulling the container of hair gel out of the cabinet he couldn’t help but just stare at himself in the mirror. 

‘You’d be so much cuter without all that hair gel and crap.’ Yoru’s face quickly turned red at the memory. Phoenix’s drunken grin and glazed eyes scanning his body from the bottom up until it landed on his tied up hair. Yoru wasn’t one to get flustered, but the way his friend looked at him that night made it feel as though his heart was going to burst out of his chest. 

Yoru scrutinized the container, his thoughts now torn in two. He liked having his hair styled, it was the only thing in high school that he had control over — especially after his messy break up with Omen and everything that went on with his dad. But it wouldn’t hurt to keep it down once in a while right? Totally not because he had a crush on Phoenix back in highschool and the crush he thought had faded after they graduated was unexpectedly coming back in full force, of course not. It’s obviously because he wanted to try something new. 

“Yeah, something new.” Yoru whispered to himself. 

He wasn’t all that convinced. 

Yoru tossed the product back in his cabinet and stepped back to assess himself in the mirror. He ruffled his hair slightly for a messier look and straightened his shirt. “You look good Yoru. You look hot, you’re the definition of sexy.” He said to himself in hopes to hype himself up. He didn’t know why something as stupid as his hair being unstyled was so nerve wracking to him. Phoenix has seen Yoru without his hair gelled up all the time…well, Phoenix has never seen his bangs down fully. Yoru always made sure to tie his hair back when he woke up. Something Phoenix complained about all the time. 

Would Phoenix react weirdly? Would he take back what he said the night before? Fuck, it was too late to gel his hair back, he already spent too long doing nothing but stare at himself. 

Yoru cursed at himself silently before walking out of the bathroom and turning off the lights. He passed by the coat rack and grabbed his signature jacket off the hook. He quickly made his way to the living room where Phoenix was on his phone, who seemed to hear Yoru walk in from the way his roommate’s necklace and bracelet jingled down the hall. “Took you long enough mate,” he said and pocketed his phone before standing up and finally looking up. “I was just aboutta leave without…you.” His eyes widened as he took in his friend’s appearance. 

“You got a staring problem?” Yoru asked and walked past Phoenix to grab his shoes and put them on to hide his blush. 

Phoenix couldn’t reply, just cleared his throat and grabbed his keys from the coffee table. It was an unexpected sight. In a good way, of course. 

“What’s with the new look?” Phoenix asked, his gaze still fixed on Yoru’s hair. 

Yoru scowled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and made a beeline to the door, hoping Phoenix would drop it and they’d sit in his car in silence. “Hurry up, you said Jett hates when people are late.” Yoru added, speeding his way to the garage first. 

-

As tempting as it sounded, Phoenix decided against riding Yoru’s bike. He’s already gotten his fill of adrenaline, as well as crossing another activity off on his very long bucket list, so it was due time for a break from…everything. Sure the wind and the rush felt good for a couple of hours, but nothing could beat turning up the radio to a concerning volume and just nodding along. Their car rides only recently developed into a comfortable place where they could hum along quietly.

Maybe one day they’ll be able to scream along to the lyrics like he did with Jett and KJ.

Yoru didn’t seem like the type of person to do that, as entertaining as the thought seemed to be. 

“So what were you doin’ on your computer?” Phoenix asked when the volume was turned down a notch, Yoru was complaining about his car’s shitty bass and decided it was time to let his poor speakers rest. 

Yoru, who was going through their shared playlist on Spotify (which he sent the link to Phoenix one random night when he found himself sitting on his chair at his desk instead of asleep), only answered in confusion. “What?” 

Phoenix quickly changed lanes before answering. “When I came into your room you looked like you was drawing,” he didn’t get a good look at his screen but he knew a drawing tablet when he saw one. Jett’s baking class constantly tasked their students to submit designs for cakes and other pastries online, so Jett bought a tablet out of convenience. “Didn’t know you were an artist.” He finished. 

Yoru just shrugged. “Graffiti art,” he replied simply. “I’m not all that good at drawing people and all that — I’m not good at all, actually. I needed an art class in high school and decided to do calligraphy since I heard it was easy, and I enjoyed it. My teacher said I had a natural talent for it or something.” He recalled almost fondly. He didn’t want to admit that he enjoyed the class since Yoru had a reputation of skipping most of his classes. He’d only be there for tests or to drop by enough times so his teachers wouldn’t complain or make him ineligible to graduate. The only class he went to consistently, or at least tried to, was his calligraphy class during his senior year. 

“You post your work on anything?” Phoenix asked.

“Of course not,” Yoru answered. “I rarely draw anyways, it’s just something I do when I’m bored.” 

“You should show me sometime,” Phoenix added, not looking away from the road to catch the way Yoru blushed slightly at the thought. “I’m curious about your raw and natural talent.” He ended with a laugh. 

Yoru rolled his eyes. The moment was gone. It was almost comical how drastically the mood dropped, he could almost hear the record scratch. “You were in my calligraphy class too, you didn’t see any of my work there?” If there was anything his art teacher liked doing, it was displaying all of the best work on the walls as well as the display cases in the hallway. Yoru would always see his work up there, and his teacher always announced how amazing her students’ art was. It was annoying, but the ego boost was nice. 

There was a surprised expression on Phoenix’s face, as if this was the most shocking piece of information ever. “I don’t mean to be a bitch but I don’t remember you in my class like — at all, bruv.” He confessed albeit a little ashamed. 

Why did Yoru think he’d remember. 

Although Yoru sat next to Phoenix a lot during their freshman year, every year onward consisted of them being in every class together but in the opposite sides of the room. Yoru rarely went to class anyway, and made sure to sit in the most secluded parts of the classroom, so he swallowed his hurt and shrugged. 

“Figures,” he replied with a short chuckle. “I didn’t make myself all that known, not like you of course. Always yelling and asking stupid questions.” He recalled with an amused lilt in his voice. Phoenix was a typical high school boy. 

Always walking into class yelling, his soccer ball in his arms. Greeting everyone he saw with a fist bump even if he didn’t know who they were — he usually greeted Yoru like this too. A goofy grin on his lips and his fist raised in anticipation. It took a whole semester before Yoru played along with it, but the greetings quickly lessened after the whole volleyball fiasco. Phoenix never stopped asking for his homework though. 

Yoru remembers most of his teachers being fond of Phoenix’s bursting attitude. After all, he was one of the few people to raise their hand everyday to ask a question or answer one. Every teacher’s favorite student. 

“Guess I must’ve stood out a lot if you of all people remember me.” 

“Who’d forget someone as annoying as you.”  Yoru muttered in defense. 

-

The rest of the ride mostly contained both boys arguing or letting whatever song play out in silence. Once Phoenix found a space to park in he quickly texted Jett to announce they’d arrived. 

Jett replied with a long string of letters followed by a picture of where they had their picnic blanket set up. Phoenix smiled, he didn’t need to ask where they were. They used to meet up at the park all the time to hang out, their spot near the lake always empty for them whenever they were there. 

“We got here just in time,” Phoenix began with a smile. “Follow me, Jett and I found the perfect place for a picnic back when we were in high school.” Yoru simply nodded and followed Phoenix who continued his trip down nostalgia lane. 

“None of us knew how to drive up until our junior year so Brim took us everywhere,” Phoenix recalled. “We told him we needed to go to a park — any park — and he took us here. Used to go here a lot with KJ when she was younger but didn’t want to go on picnics with her old man alone anymore. You know how it is. We think we’re too good for our parents.” He finished with a laugh. 

Yoru averted his eyes, not wanting to agree nor deny the statement. Phoenix didn’t mind the silence and concluded it to Yoru being his usual self. 

“She only did that ‘cuz kids used to make fun of her for being so dependent on her dad, but she turned seventeen and it’s like somethin’ switched inside of her,” He went on to say. “Don’t mean to brag but I’ve never been embarrassed about bein’ close with my parents. My mums didn’t even need to ask if I wanted to go shoppin’ with them. I’d be ready before ‘em.” 

Phoenix chuckled as he thought about his parents before spotting two figures chatting among themselves, not noticing Phoenix coming closer until they heard his voice. “Jett!” He yelled. The girl turned her head to see both of them approaching, her already bright expression only getting brighter. 

Sage also turned her head to take a look at them. Once her eyes met Yoru’s, the boy seemed to stiffen. “Yoru,” she said with a small smile. “It’s been a while.” 

“Not long enough.” Yoru muttered and rolled his eyes. 

Of course the girl Jett was absolutely whipped for was Sage. The stupid student council President who was so committed to her role she thought herself the actual president of the United States. 

Sage ignored the remark and made space for both boys to get situated. “How are Omen and Cypher?” She asked after Jett excitedly placed a foam plate and plastic cup in front of both Yoru and Phoenix. 

“They’re good.” He replied simply. If he was in an okay mood before, then that feeling was gone. Yoru could’ve probably gone the entire day not hating Sage if she didn’t refer to him with that voice. The same voice she used when getting ready to reprimand Yoru for doing something as “heinous” as skipping class or arguing with a kid back in high school. He was a straight A student, what was the point of attending class everyday? 

Jett’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the exchange, but she didn’t want their picnic to get awkward so she called for Yoru’s attention before gesturing at the containers of food. “I heard you like chicken!” She exclaimed before picking up a tin foil container and revealing her homemade yangnyeom chicken. Yoru side eyed Phoenix as if to question where she heard this, but the boy in question simply avoided it. “Haven’t made this in a while, so I hope you like it.” Yoru’s eyes sparkled in interest before grabbing one of the chopsticks in the baggie Jett brought and placing 5 pieces on his plate. 

Phoenix tried grabbing a chicken as well before Jett slapped his hand away. “Not until Yoru tries one.” She warned before her attention was on Yoru again. Phoenix deflated in disappointment, mumbling about how everyone was gravitating towards him now. Yoru took a bite of the seasoned chicken and couldn’t help but smile slightly. Instead of showing it he replaced his expression with a smirk.

“Not bad.” He finally said with his signature tone of indifference, but his tone showed that it was more than just ‘not bad.’

It wasn’t hard for Phoenix to tell his friend was in love with the dish, and Jett caught onto this once she looked over at her friend’s knowing expression. Sage didn’t get the memo. “Now you can fill your own plate with food.” She told Phoenix and set down the container of chicken to cut open the rest of the containers with mostly Korean food and a few Japanese dishes for Yoru. 

“Whenever we go on picnics I like cooking Korean food since I specialize in it, obviously,” she said and snorted. “But since we have a new member I thought I’d crank out my cookbook and try some Japanese dishes. Hopefully they taste alright.” She motioned towards the katsudon, shrimp tempura, and yakitori. Phoenix eyes sparkled at the new dishes and readily took two pieces of everything. 

“She got up early to make all of this,” Sage cut in when Yoru failed to reply because of the food in his mouth. Maybe it was because of how bad Yoru’s judgement was but her tone almost seemed like she expected him to say something negative. “Earlier than I did too, so I also anticipate your reaction.” Yoru just ignored her, only focusing on Jett rambling about whatever she wanted to talk about. 

Phoenix glared at his friend, and Sage noticed the intense energy coming from him. She just smiled at Phoenix as if it’d help calm him down. ‘ Don’t.’ He mouthed to her in which she just looked away. 

There has always been a handful of people Phoenix has respected, Sage was one of them. She was wise and caring. Whenever there was a problem they’d always just seek her out in hopes she’d help them out of their predicament. Sage was known for being kind, and she always felt like an older sister to Phoenix and his friends. But right now? She was getting on his nerves. This was supposed to be a nice little hangout, it wasn’t time for Sage to get protective. She could leave that side of her with Jett.

“And when we’re tired of the main dishes I even made dessert!” She got on her knees to dig into the cooler to set down a large container of sikhye, a sweet Korean rice drink, and a large matcha swiss roll. 

“Mate you gotta try the matcha roll,” Phoenix said and nudged Yoru lightly. “You two should team up and make some cakes together. Jett did I tell you Yoru was a killer baker? He cooks too but it’s not as good as your food.” 

Yoru clicked his tongue angrily at the mention of his own food. “Yet you still clean your plate everytime,” He reminded him. “Say that again and I’m not cooking for you anymore.” 

Jett laughed at the scene befor her and watched Phoenix try and save himself from starvation. “It was a joke, please,” he whined. “You love me too much to do that.” He joked. 

“Can’t believe he’s pulling that card on you,” Jett said with a shake of her head. “Don’t let him do that to you.” 

“You’re sleeping on the couch.” Yoru joked back and took a bite of the spicy dumpling he picked up. He couldn’t help but laugh along with Jett at his joke, Phoenix joining in shortly after getting over his initial shock. 

“I’m so glad you’re actually really cool,” Jett blurted randomly after a long moment of them just enjoying the food as well as the perfect day. “I introduced Phoe to so many amazing people I was starting to think he had horrible taste in people, until he met you of course!” 

At the mention of his name, as well as the accusation, Phoenix tried his best to defend himself. “Maybe I’m just not a speed dater or whatever you call it. You know I’m awkward at the first meeting!” 

“As surprising as it seems.” Sage cut in to add her two cents into the conversation. She’d been quiet up until now.

Jett laughed at her girlfriend’s quick response. “Maybe I’m biased but he wasn’t all that awkward! We met online so maybe that’s why…”

“He wasn’t very awkward with me,” Yoru added casually. “We kinda just started arguing and now we’re here.” 

“He’s a good person to argue with.” Phoenix grinned. “Always has somethin’ to say this guy.” Jett’s eyes sparkled at the fondness in his voice before going on to embarrass her friend.

“Phoenix talks about you all the time,” Jett exclaimed excitedly, ignoring Phoenix’s embarrassed expression. “He even told me you rode a motorcycle! That’s so cool, when’d you learn to ride one?” 

“Does he now?” Yoru asked before stealing a glance at Phoenix who was burying his discomfort in food. Yoru just chuckled before continuing. “My friend’s dad loved them, but my friend wasn’t…fond of motorcycles. Since I’m almost like a son to his dad he decided to teach me how to ride one when I showed some interest. Haven’t driven a car since I got my license for my bike.” He finished proudly. 

“Omen’s father?” Sage asked after a bite of kimbap. 

“Yeah.” Yoru answered swiftly. 

“Why don’t you still live with him?” Sage asked. “I thought you two were friends.” 

Yoru’s eye twitched in annoyance. “Cypher wanted to move in.” 

“Babe what are you—”

Jett was cut off quickly by another one of Sage’s questions. “What are your intentions with Phoenix?” 

“What?” Yoru asked in disbelief. 

“I tried my best to ignore it but I know you. I know how you and your friends are and I know about your dad,” Sage seethed, her glare deadly. From now on until she seemed satisfied with her interrogation, everything around her didn’t exist. Not Jett’s attempts to calm her down nor Phoenix’s surfacing anger. “You’re a horrible influence to everyone around you and you never have a single nice thing to say to anybody that just wants to help. You’re a terrible person and I have no doubt you were kicked out because you did something despicable. I am not going to let you hurt my friends, they might’ve fallen for whatever act you’re putting up but I won’t.” 

It was silent. Sage’s rage seeped out of her once she took in the array of emotions on Yoru’s face. The most surprising of all, was the quick second of hurt at the mention of his father. 

“Okay,” he sighed shakily once the air grew cold. He stood from his spot on the blanket, Phoenix following suit in worry. “You can believe whatever you want. I don’t care .” His voice, despite it being quiet, was grim. His fists were clenched to his side and his head was downturned to hide his clenched jaw. Without another word, he turned to walk up the hill to Phoenix’s car. 

Phoenix, although already out of his seat, took another moment to stare at his friend. He was hoping to see a look of victory on Sage’s face, to make reprimanding her even more satisfying. When he only saw a shadow of regret he decided it wasn’t the right time to yell at her, not yet. 

“I’m sorry about the picnic,” Phoenix said to Jett who just nodded her head in understanding. “Sage? Don’t call if you aren’t going to apologize.” 

Sage just looked away, ashamed. Phoenix took that as his cue to run after his friend. 

After finally catching up to Yoru he grabbed his friend’s hand to spin him around to face him. “Yoru,” Phoenix pleaded. His heart clenched at the sight of Yoru trying to decide whether to get angry or let himself succumb to the small part of himself that wanted to cry. “I should’ve told you about Sage, I know. I just didn’t think she was going to do… that .” 

“You knew something?” Yoru asked, but there wasn’t an answer. “Did Sage talk about me to you before this?”

“She told me about you getting kicked out…and that you weren’t a…” Phoenix hesitated at the choice of words. “You weren’t a good person.”

“And you still invited me?” Yoru asked, defeated. “Did you think about how I’d feel? Or was making sure your friends fell for our lies more important?” 

“No!” Phoenix yelled in defense. He didn’t think this would happen, if he did then he wouldn’t have invited him…deep down Phoenix knew he shouldn’t have in the first place or at least made sure Sage wasn’t going to go off the rails. “I just…I don’t know. You have to believe me when I say I didn’t want this to happen. I just knew Jett wanted to see you again and she genuinely cares about you, I thought Sage would act a little nicer since her girlfriend likes you.” 

Yoru didn’t answer but scoffed. “So what do you think?” He asked. “After hearing all this, do you think I’m a bad person?” Even if you don’t remember everything I confessed to you that night? Yoru thought bitterly. He was fully expecting Phoenix to not want to take sides. 

“I don’t.” Phoenix answered firmly, much to Yoru’s surprise. His answer was final, determined. It was silent. 

“You’re curious, though. Aren’t you?” Phoenix couldn’t help but let his stance falter. It was true — he wanted to know about Yoru’s dad. Yoru smiled knowingly at the lack of response. “I told you the night we got drunk.” 

This seemed to catch his attention. “You remember that night?” 

Yoru shrugged. “I’m used to that amount of alcohol.” 

“And you didn’t tell me anything?”

“I didn’t tell you what we talked about because we talked about my dad,” Yoru inhaled shakily. “I told you I ran away from home ‘cuz my dad was…he was horrible. He wasn’t fit to be a dad, at all. I told you I went through an extremely low point in my life and it made me do something…regrettable. I wasn’t kicked out for drugs or constant fights and whatever insane theory there is about me. I ran away to live with Omen and his family.” 

There was an awkward pause of Phoenix trying to process everything Yoru confessed to him in the middle of a park. “I don’t need you to pity m—” Yoru’s eyes widened when Phoenix grabbed his shoulder to pull him into a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” Phoenix whispered before pulling away at the lack of response. “About your dad and everything that happened today. Really.” 

Yoru turned away. “It’s fine,” He mumbled. “Let’s just…go home.” He added and turned to walk the rest of the way to the car. Phoenix stared after him with a small smile. 

“You must really like him, huh?” He jumped in surprise at Sage’s voice. 

“What the,” he yelled and turned to look at her. “How long have you been here?” 

“Since the hug.” She replied. 

Phoenix sighed, irritated. “What do you want?” 

He was fully expecting Sage to lecture him again. Have him stand for another couple of minutes to listen to her yell about whatever stupid opinion she had of his friend. “I wanted to say I’m sorry,” Phoenix couldn’t hide his shock. “I didn’t mean to say what I did.” 

Phoenix shook his head. “Don’t apologize to me.” 

Sage smiled. “I know,” she said. “I thought apologizing to you was a good start, especially since you care so much about him. Yoru and I…we didn’t start out on the right foot back in high school. I know it’s extremely childish of me to hold such a grudge, but I never got the chance to get over it. Seeing him made that feeling come back again.” 

“He’s a good person when you get to know him.” 

“I bet he is,” Sage replied amusedly. “I can tell by the way you look. You’re smiling.” Phoenix let his smile drop at the observation, his face heating up. 

Sage laughed and patted her friend’s back reassuringly. “I hope you two are happy.” She said and turned to walk down the hill to finish her impromptu date with Jett, as well as grovel for her girlfriend’s forgiveness for ruining her day. 

‘You must really like him, huh?’ He repeated the question in his head before slapping himself. 

He didn’t like Yoru! He just enjoyed getting a reaction out of him when he did something stupid, and the way he laughed when he told a joke, and his face when he got embarrassed — it’s normal…normal bro stuff! 

Phoenix thought about Yoru again, the first memory that came to mind being the night they were on his bike. His laugh filled the air — and if Phoenix thought hard enough, he could probably imagine the look on Yoru’s face through it all. Phoenix didn’t realize he was smiling again at the thought of something as simple as his friend’s laughter.

Fuck. 

Fuck.

Chapter Text

“I want you to tell me everything.” Omen’s tone was rough. There was a poorly hidden anger deep in his voice, and Phenix would have to be an idiot to purposely set him off while he sounded like that. It’d be an immediate death wish. 

There was a long pause after hearing the familiar voice. Phoenix was sound asleep before he heard his ringtone interrupt his slumber. He wasn’t awake enough to understand what was going on, or make good decisions, partially the reason why he picked up the unknown call in the first place. “How’d you get my number?” Phoenix asked after getting over his shock, as well as finally starting to wake up mentally. Apparently, Phoenix was the biggest idiot in the world. 

The events of the picnic ended the day on a rough note, and Phoenix’s newfound “discovery” was enough to knock him out and send him to bed early. Ever since Yoru came into his life there hadn’t been a single normal day. As crazy as everything had been, Phoenix couldn’t help but feel just a little tired of everything going on.

Was it better than awkward blind dates? Of course. Though, in the few months he’s known Yoru he's met a handful of new people, been in multiple arguments, gotten drunk for the first time, and is having his very first sexuality crisis. 

He was, to put it lightly, extremely fucking stressed. 

He just wanted everything to stop. Or at the very least slow down. 

And now he’s having a private conversation with the scariest person he’s ever known after his moms? When was it his turn to be happy?

“Found it on Yoru’s phone,” Omen replied nonchalantly, as though contacting your best friend’s roommate after secretly pulling his number from their phone unknowingly was completely normal; or at least normal in their friendship. “Now are you going to tell me what happened yesterday or not?” 

The question fell on deaf ears, as well as his previous concerns fading into thin air. “What’d he name me on his contacts?” Phoenix asked timidly, scared of how Omen was going to respond but still curious enough to endure it. Phoenix in a couple of hours can mull over the fact that he purposely got on Omen’s bad side. There were more important matters at hand.

“That is confidential,” Omen answered, that was a fact for another day. “Now tell me what Sage said to him. I already asked Yoru to tell me but he refused, so I’m here to ask you since I know you’re just as angry.” 

“How do you know that?” But Omen wasn’t wrong, of course, any person would be ticked off about a friend getting hurt. 

“Do you always ask this many questions!” He shouted in frustration, his voice turned up a couple of volumes. Phoenix winced and pulled his phone away from his ear before placing it back where it was. Never make the man yell, noted for future reference.

“You don’t gotta yell at me,” Phoenix muttered and ignored the long string of vulgarities Omen uttered under his breath. “You’re extremely cryptic — in a bad way.” 

There was a pause. Omen reacted with physical confusion at the statement even though Phoenix couldn’t see the way his face morphed into one of confusion. “Is there a good way?” He asked. 

“Well…yeah?” Never since meeting Omen did he think he’d have a conversation like this. Never did Phoenix think he’d be subjected to talking to him at all.

“What?” Omen asked, confused again. “You know what, that doesn’t matter. I’m still waiting for you to tell me what exactly happened. Ask another question and I will come by your house to break down your door.” 

Phoenix contemplated being annoying, but Omen was completely right before about being angry — and he also wanted his door intact. He was angry about Sage’s outburst; if he were in Omen’s shoes then he’d want all the details too. Especially if it pertained to his friend. “Well…the picnic was going great. I didn’t think Sage was going to blow up like that…'' he started. 

“You must not know Sage the way I do,”  Omen cut in bitterly. “Always acting all high and mighty…” whatever insults he was planning to say in English was quickly replaced with Korean.

Phoenix was a little worried at the tone of his voice. “Hey man, I might be angry about Sage but she’s still my friend. Be careful of what you say.” He warned. 

This was another fact he was stressed over. As horrible as Sage was, she was still a close friend of his. She was there when Phoenix was at his lowest and kept him sane during his most stressful days of high school. If he didn’t have such a strong bond with her then he would have no problem with Omen insulting her, as long as it didn’t go too far, but he did. 

“I said it in a language you don’t understand,” Omen snapped back. “How would you know the extent of my hatred?”

“The way you said it,” he said and rolled his eyes. He thanked the heavens that this was just a phone call. He couldn’t imagine how Omen would react if he saw the small action. “Anyway — long story short you came up in the conversation which forced Yoru to talk one on one with Sage. He hadn’t said anything wrong and she just randomly started yellin’ at him. Talkin’ about how he was…’kicked out’ cuz it was his fault. Started shittin’ on him ‘cuz of his bad attitude and all that. After she was done yellin’ at him he left.”

Phoenix waited for Omen’s response, the static coming from his speakers getting louder every second. “I’m going to assume Yoru told you about his father.” Omen finally said, his voice tense.

“Yeah, I ran after him and we had a small argument but he eventually told me what happened.” 

“And I’m going to hope you hate that bastard as much as I do.” 

‘I went through an extremely low point in my life and it made me do something…regrettable.’ Phoenix clenched his jaw at the thought. The very idea of being hurt so badly — by your parent especially — that it makes you want to hurt yourself; it pained Phoenix to even think about it. 

“Yeah.” He answered without hesitation. He didn’t even know the man personally, only that small conversation with Yoru as well as the photo in his friend’s room. Phoenix can’t remember the last time he resented someone as much as Yoru’s dad. 

Omen hummed at the response. “He must really trust you,” Omen thought out loud after pausing for a dramatic effect. “For him to tell you all of that.” It was obvious he was trying to tease him, and for what? Did Omen have some sort of psychic powers that was able to access the bisexual(?) panic inside of his head? Or was he just trying to get a rise out of him? 

Phoenix ignored it, not liking the idea that this ominous being even knew how to joke around. “Now that I’ve answered your question it’s only fair you answer some of mine,” an extremely risky deal with the devil. “Especially since you woke me up.” He added in hopes it’d make Omen just a little more willing to cooperate.

Phoenix expected him to hang up, maybe even curse at him before doing so. “Okay,” Omen said after contemplating the idea. “If it’s something I can’t or won’t share, then don’t force it. If you push anything too much I’ll end this call and tell Yoru.” Phoenix scoffed, he couldn't believe Omen would do something so childish. 

“Yeah fine, whatever,” he answered. He paused to think about a question that wouldn’t result in Omen ending the call. “What’s up with you and Yoru? Like — what’s your relationship?” Other than the obvious friendship the two of them had, but he was hoping he’d get a bit more backstory on Yoru‘s life. 

“We’re…” Omen started but quickly stopped. “We’re exes. We broke up the summer before Yoru’s sophomore year.” He finished quietly, and Phoenix was even able to detect a hint of shame. 

Phoenix couldn't care less about Omen’s demeanor, he was taken aback at the fact that they were exes. 

It wasn’t the weirdest match. Omen very obviously had a huge soft spot for Yoru and the same for the latter. Their personalities were also very similar, as well as their aesthetics. They weren’t exactly a mirror image of each other, but they seemed extremely compatible. 

No matter how much a relationship between sounded, his mouth was still open wide in shock, Phoenix thought about the way Yoru would talk about his long time friend. The way he, despite living with Omen for so long, never called him his brother. The way he’d smile softly at the mere mention of his name, and how he reacted when Phoenix asked if he was jealous about Omen living with his boyfriend a couple months ago. It all made sense. 

“What are you so quiet about?” Omen asked after a whole minute of uncomfortable silence. 

“This is new information! You can’t expect me to just brush over this fact so quickly!” He yelled. There was an ugly feeling at the thought of Yoru and Omen being involved in such an intimate way. The images of the both of them going out and being happy was quickly thrown out the window to get rid of the squeeze in his chest. There was no reason to be jealous, they weren’t together anymore, and Omen was currently in a happy relationship. “What uh — what happened between the both of you.” 

Omen tapped nervously on his desk. He wasn’t planning on answering the question, but thinking about what happened between him and Yoru after trying so hard to bury his guilt was sending him over the edge. 

Even if Yoru forgave him, Omen hasn’t forgiven himself. “Next question.” He said. Phoenix’s lack of complaints pleased him. Omen knew he couldn’t run from his mistakes forever, and maybe telling Phoenix might free him from his regrets forever, or at least have someone yell at him for the error of his ways. 

Thankfully, Phoenix was not one to give up easily. He was extremely curious about their relationship and he knew he couldn’t just ask Yoru about it. Maybe he could ask the right questions and draw a conclusion for himself. “When’d you and Cypher start going out?” A good start, but it wasn’t going to be easy. 

There was another moment of silence, and Phoenix was a little suspicious about Omen’s hesitance to such a simple question. “Our sophomore year.” He whispered. 

“Wait but you said…” Phoenix paused, his mouth going dry. Omen and Cypher are a year older than Yoru. “You cheated on him.” It wasn’t a question, and it was extremely easy to figure out. Phoenix didn’t want to pat himself on the back for the revelation, especially since it was such a heavy topic, but he’s always had a talent for asking the right questions. 

Omen sighed, not thinking Phoenix would come to the realization so easily — nor did he think he’d disclose it just as easily. “After Yoru broke up with his…‘girlfriend’ back in middle school, he asked me about liking boys and all that. I confessed I knew I was gay before he even asked and I guess that turned some gears in his head. After a couple of days of him ignoring me he told me he liked me,” Omen couldn’t help but smile sadly. The memory of an extremely scared Yoru confessing his feelings on a Saturday night, behind the half ramp of the abandoned skate park they came across. A box of pizza and two cans of coke between the both of them. If the memory weren’t so painful he could probably laugh about their greasy fingers and dirty clothes. “But I liked someone else at the time...or maybe interested was a better word.”

“Cypher.” Phoenix cut in, filling in the blanks Omen didn’t have the heart to reveal. 

Cypher, the new kid who transferred during their last year of middle school. He was stuck sitting in the seat next to Omen, since no one wanted to sit next to the “scary” boy. He immediately introduced himself to the brooding student, and didn’t stop trying to force his way into his life despite how many times Omen ignored him. It was cute, and extremely endearing, that this boy was fine with his scary nature, as well as the rude seventh grader who was glued to his side. It was a nice change of pace to his normal eight grade life of just him and Yoru.

“But I knew how hard everything was, or is, for Yoru,” He admitted. “And I didn’t — couldn’t reject him. I felt…bad. I thought it’d turn into a small childhood crush. I thought Yoru would finally enter high school and find interest in someone else, but he was so happy about being with me. I was a coward, I knew I should’ve ended it the moment Cypher and I were getting closer but every time I thought of Yoru…” 

Shitty. It was the only word to describe how everything felt at the moment. Omen was shitty, Yoru’s life was shitty, and Phoenix felt shitty listening to everything. There was probably a better word for everything but as a college student with no desire to think, shitty was the best word to use. 

“Yoru said he lost his virginity during our freshmen year,” Phoenix recalled sharply. “Was that with you?“

“Who else would it have been?” There wasn’t any malice in Omen’s voice. It wasn’t meant to sound rude, but every word that came out of Omen’s mouth just made Phoenix furious. 

“Was that before or after you and Cypher went out?“ The initial fear he felt towards Omen was gone and replaced with disgust. He wouldn’t be able to think of him without any disdain. “Did he know? Did he think it was funny?”

“ Don’t make him the bad guy,” He growled angrily. “Everything was my fault, Cypher knew nothing about Yoru and I at first.”

Omen roughly rubbed his eyes, wishing for the ability to just rip them out. “At first? So he eventually found out about Yoru and he still stayed with you.” Phoenix pointed out.

“He cared about Yoru as much as I did…as I still do,” he answered, wanting nothing more than to clear Cypher’s name of any cruelty. “He was angry, of course he was. As much as he cared for Yoru he still loved me just as much so he was also conflicted, but he eventually decided enough was enough. He said if I didn’t tell Yoru about everything then he’d leave me, and I knew I couldn’t keep ignoring everything for much longer.” 

It was silent again. “How’d Yoru react?” Phoenix asked once he was able to recollect himself. Omen rested his head against his desk, letting the cold feeling of the wood soothe his headache. That horrible day…

~

Yoru’s face would never not haunt Omen. After his fight with Cypher about his ongoing relationship with Yoru, he eventually agreed to admitting his crimes to him. He came home to Yoru relaxed on their couch, laughing about something on his phone. Omen promised he’d come back from his “group project” so they could have their weekly ritual of watching low rated movies. His head turned once he heard the door open and close, a large smile formed on his face at the sight of Omen. 

The look was replaced with worry once Yoru saw the tears in his eyes as well as how his hand gripped at the strap of his backpack. “What’s wrong?” He asked and rushed off the couch to fret over his boyfriend who was still unresponsive. He grabbed at Omen’s hands to inspect his arms before carefully cradling his boyfriend’s head and turning it around to see if there was a bruise. “Did someone hurt you?” Omen shook his head at the question and removed Yoru’s hands from where they were cupped against his cheeks. 

“I need to tell you something,” Omen said shakily, squeezing Yoru’s hands softly. “And I…I just need you to know that I’m so — so sorry.” 

Yoru laughed nervously, not used to Omen being so vulnerable. “Whatever it is can’t be too bad,” he said in order to comfort his boyfriend, as well as himself. “Whatever it is we can work it out—“

“I cheated on you,” Omen cut in, not wanting Yoru to comfort him in this situation. “I’ve been cheating on you.” He finished. He could feel another set of tears make their way out of his eyes at Yoru’s grip loosening. Not enough to let go, but it was still a noticeable amount of pressure lost. 

“Who was it?” Yoru asked once he found his voice, as well as the will to speak. It was flat, monotone. When Omen failed to answer, Yoru was left to search for one on his own. It wasn’t long before he put the pieces together. There was only one other person Omen tolerated and cared about. “Was it Cypher?” 

Omen nodded. Yoru felt his heart break at the fact that he’d been betrayed by two people he trusted. The only two people he has in his life. 

Yoru inhaled a quivering breath. “Why?” His voice cracked. It was quiet. “Was it because of me? Was it something I did?”  He asked in distress, wanting nothing more than to fix everything.

“No!” Omen yelled desperately and grabbed Yoru’s shoulders, finally building the courage to look him in the eyes. Just the sight of his friend was enough to knock the wind out of Omen’s chest. He looked miserable, it was gut wrenching to see. Especially since it was his fault. “Don’t do this to yourself. None of this was because of you — you’ve done nothing wrong, Yoru.” No matter how much he reasoned with him, Omen knew Yoru was never going to stop blaming himself for it. It was all Omen’s fault, he was no better than Yoru’s dad.

“Did you love me?” Yoru pressed on quietly. There was a voice deep in the back of his mind that told him he wasn’t going to like Omen’s answer. “Be honest with me.” But no matter how much he longed for the truth, Yoru still wanted to be comforted. He wanted Omen to pull him into a warm embrace and apologize over and over again. Yoru wanted to hear him say he loved him. 

There was no comfort, only the weight of regret. There would also be no loving exchanges, just Omen nervously shifting his eyes away from the gaze of a broken boy. “I care about you.” Omen removed his grip on Yoru’s shoulders to seek out his hands again. Yoru unconsciously pulled away, his mind now racing. 

“You care…about me,” Yoru repeated numbly. “What does that have to do with anything?” He demanded. 

“Yoru please—” 

Yoru stepped back. “Did you love me?” He asked again. “Did you love me the same way you love Cypher now?” 

Nothing would be the same after this. “I couldn’t reject you,” Omen cried. “I didn’t want to hurt you — I just…I wanted what was best for you.”

“And you decided that lying would be the best decision for me. You pitied me,” he said bitterly. “You were only with me ‘cuz you felt obligated to. ‘Cuz you didn’t want to hurt the kid with a bastard father and a miserable life.” Yoru wiped his tears away. The anger he built up now replaced with fear. 

If he lost Omen because of this, then what? Would he be alone again? Would he be forced to move back with his father? Yoru felt his chest tighten at just the thought, his breathing picked up dangerously. It felt like the room was spinning, and his only thought was to beg. 

Yoru took an unstable step back to Omen, quickly losing his footing and ending up on his knees. He wrapped his arms around Omen and buried his face against the boy’s stomach. 

“I’m sorry,” his voice muffled against the clothes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” It was as if a switch had flipped inside of him. The fire in his eyes and mirth in his voice was overtaken by his desperate pleas and anxiety. 

Omen gently removed the arms clenched around his waist and dropped to the floor in front of Yoru, cradling the back of his head in one hand to bring Yoru’s face to his shoulder and supporting his friend’s back with his other hand. 

“Why are you apologizing?” Omen asked, his voice breaking.

“I’m sorry you weren’t happy,” Yoru choked on his words. “Sorry for making you feel like you had no choice.” He apologized again, his cries making it difficult to say a single word without having to gulp for air. 

Omen couldn’t stand to hear his friend beg for forgiveness. “ I’m sorry,” he cried. “Please — please stop apologizing.” He begged and buried his face in Yoru’s damp hair. The same hair he helped dye the day after he ran away, the same hair he ruffled whenever Yoru unconsciously did something Omen thought was cute. 

The room was filled with both teens’ sobs and gasps, as well as the occasional apologies that spilled from their mouths before they could even think about what they were apologizing for. Eventually, they had cried themselves dry. Still seated on the hardwood floor in front of the front door, Yoru leaned against Omen’s frame limplessly. 

“Yoru?” Omen called out when he only heard quiet sniffles. 

“I love you.” Yoru said mindlessly, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular. Yoru didn’t know why he had said it. Did he think Omen would say it back? Or that it’d magically erase everything he had done? Whatever the reason, it would forever be Yoru’s last words to Omen as his boyfriend. 

~

Omen wishes he’d said something. With his face pressed against the desk, his phone still on speaker and the memory running through his head like a movie. He could’ve said it back, or maybe it would’ve done more harm than good. “He was,” he began after his moment of thought. “He didn’t take it too well.” He decided to say instead of spill the details of one of Yoru’s worst breakdowns. Yoru didn’t like talking about it, so he won’t do it for him. 

Phoenix snorted sarcastically. “I can tell that’s an understatement.” 

There wasn’t a comeback, he’d lost the privilege to it. “I just want him to be happy,” he said softly, his vision trained on the photo of him and Yoru before they broke up. The same photo Omen would look at after that fateful day, and constantly wonder how their life could’ve been if he loved Yoru the same way. Or what would’ve happened if he were just honest. “That's all I want.” He finished sadly and hung up before Phoenix could say anything more, leaving the boy to simmer in his anger. 

Before he could text Omen the rest of the insults he was planning to spit before the call ended, he heard a knock on his door. “Come in!” He yelled, and put on his best smile when he saw Yoru’s head peek out of the small crack he made for himself. Yoru’s hair was down again, and the sight made Phoenix’s heart swell in a way that confused him. 

“I’m leaving for work, I left some food for you in the fridge if you get hungry,” he said. Before he could shut the door again without another word, he spoke up again. “Sorry for yelling at you after that whole…thing yesterday. It wasn’t your fault.” He refused to make eye contact with Phoenix during his apology.

Phoenix clicked his tongue in annoyance, not towards Yoru but because of him apologizing for something he shouldn’t apologize for. “Nah man you had all the right to yell at me,” he reassured. “Don’t even think about feeling sorry.”

Yoru rolled his eyes fondly before closing the door, not wanting to get stuck arguing with him and risk being late. Phoenix waited a couple seconds until Yoru’s footsteps disappeared before picking up his phone, to see a text from another unknown number. 

‘Omen doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s glad someone’s angry for what he’s done.’ The text said. ‘I know you don’t want him to “move on” since you’re angry, but I hope you know he regrets it. I don’t think he’ll ever stop regretting it, especially since Yoru was never actually angry at him. Drove him crazy, not having any consequences. He feels a lot more human now, if that makes sense lol.’ 

Phoenix’s eyebrows furrowed at the “lol”, not thinking anyone could say something so personal and end it with such a stupid acronym. 

‘This is Cypher btw, I found ur number on Omen’s phone ;)’ The next text said.

Phoenix groaned. Why was his personal information being stolen?! 

Chapter Text

“I don’t understand why you’re so adamant on this stupid fair,” Yoru said once Phoenix found parking for his car. “You’re being weirder than usual.” It was extremely confusing to Yoru. It seemed like the days after the picnic Phoenix fretted over Yoru as if he had months left to live. He volunteered to do the dishes, willingly cleaned up his mess, and a lot of other things Phoenix wouldn’t have done prior to the whole fiasco. 

Phoenix knew exactly why he was acting strange, since they were his own emotions after all.

After his call with Omen he felt an overwhelming amount of concern for his friend. Yoru’s been through the ringer and Phoenix is finally starting to understand why Omen was so overprotective, even though he wasn’t exactly a saint in Yoru’s life. 

Doing all sorts of favors and such for Yoru was, in a way, Phoenix attempting to be a better friend than Omen — not that it was a competition ( Phoenix knew he couldn’t replace the years of good Omen has done for Yoru, he lost the competition before it even started). Although Yoru might’ve “moved on” from everything, Phoenix was still very much angry. So maybe this day out was to soothe his mind instead.

When Phoenix brought up a fair that was currently happening a couple minutes from their complex, and sadly explained he couldn’t go this year since Jett was going with her girlfriend and he didn’t want to go alone, Yoru simply replied with how he’s never been to one nor did he see the appeal.

Phoenix, who’s never missed the chance to go to every annual fair until now, couldn’t believe his ears. He grabbed Yoru’s empty plate, as well as his own, and ordered him to get changed as he washed the dishes. Yoru just stared at him, perplexed. 

“Why?” He questioned simply.

Phoenix sighed. “‘Cuz we’re going to the fair silly,” he joked and rushed off to the sink. “If you don’t get outta your chair and into your room to get changed then I’ll drag you there myself.” He threatened, pointing a spoon at him before focusing on the dishes once more. 

Yoru, still confused, decided to comply anyway. It’s not like he had better plans. Omen was busy with some projects and his friend seemed a little on edge recently, so he couldn’t randomly ask him to hang out. Going to some stupid fair was probably better than laying in bed all day. 

After getting his outfit ready, and surprisingly going past his mirror without staring at his unstyled hair, he walked back to the dining table and took a seat. He peeked into the kitchen to see it was empty, Phoenix had finished cleaning up and was changing as well. 

Yoru took his phone out of his pocket to go through his instagram, liking posts of artists that popped up and checking in on Cypher’s stories that contained anything and everything he felt the need to rant about. Some of the topics got pretty interesting, and Yoru replied to a particular story that debated the need to study at a library. Cypher’s main points were personal; he complained about the atmosphere, the outdated computers, and thousands of books that never contained the information anyone needed for a project. Yoru agreed to his rant and added how studying at a cafe seemed more normal. 

He laughed quietly after receiving a quick and passionate reply from Cypher. He went back and forth with his friend, their conversation going through different topics before his phone sent another notification. Yoru glanced at the pop-up to see another text from his dad. 

‘The weather’s getting nicer,’ it said. ‘I was starting to get sick of the sun haha. It’s a perfect day to go out, isn’t it?’ Yoru scowled. Before he could sink further into a bad mood, he heard Phoenix shuffle into the room. 

“You ready?” He asked, spinning his keys on one finger and awaiting Yoru’s response. 

Yoru stood from his seat. “Let’s just get this over with.” He sighed and retrieved his shoes. 

-

Yoru wasn’t expecting it to be so crowded. Thankfully another ticket booth had opened up nearby so they didn’t have to wait in line for too long. Phoenix insisted he pay for their tickets and bought 75 tickets each, and even said he was willing to buy more in case they ran out. He told his moms he was out at the fair and they sent a hefty amount of money for the both of them to spend, even though Phoenix was perfectly capable of paying himself, but his parents refused to take the money back and even blocked him for a straight minute to get their point across.

“Isn’t it amazing?” Phoenix asked with a smile, taking in the view. “Rigged games, expensive food trucks, and extremely dangerous rides. The American dream.” He said with a dreamy sigh. Yoru chuckled at his antics, letting him rant about the highs and lows of the fair and later transitioning into their plans for the day. 

“We can go on the rides you think look fun and get food when we get tired. We gotta try the bumper cars when it gets darker. So much for fun when you can barely see anything. For now, we can go into the maze of mirrors, try out the spinning cups ride, and play a couple games,” Phoenix led them to a small circular track, where a group of people were being spun at a decently fun speed. It wasn’t too fast and Yoru could tell by their laughter that it was worth the money, there was even a group of teenagers playfully screaming bloody murder to entertain the people in line. “The most important part is the Ferris wheel later tonight.” Phoenix said as they got in line. 

“Jett and I loved ending the day on it,” He recalled fondly, his head turned to the large ride on the other side of the street. “It felt right to have it as the last ride, y’know?” 

Yoru shrugged. “If you say so.” He replied. It was finally their turn to board the ride, and Yoru watched Phoenix happily make his way into a cart.

The carts held two people, maybe three tiny kids if they squeezed in, so when Yoru and Phoenix got into their seats they were practically shoulder to shoulder. Although the close proximity made Yoru’s heart flutter, Phoenix didn’t seem to notice their predicament. He was almost vibrating in his seat. 

“You’re acting like you’ve never been on this,” Yoru said. “Haven’t you been to this fair every year?”

“Never with you though,” he replied thoughtfully. “I’ve always went with Jett, so goin’ with you is like a whole new experience.” Yoru couldn’t help but turn red at the confession. How could he let such simple words sway him? 

“How cheesy…” he mumbled to himself, turning his attention to the speaker on the ride. The worker controlling it announced the ride was finally taking off, and that the louder they scream the faster the ride would go. 

Yoru could see the collective and silent agreements between every person on the ride between the ages of seventeen and twenty; they were willing to absolutely lose their voices if it meant the ride could go so fast it felt as if they were going to fly out. Phoenix was definitely in on this, Yoru could tell by the way he inhaled sharply. Ready to scream. 

“Have fun!” The announcer’s voice rang out before the machine whirred to life and the carts gained momentum around the track. Once it got to a reasonable speed, the screaming began. 

Yoru didn’t know whether to grip onto the metal bar, especially since there weren’t any seatbelts on the ride, or cover his ears. Hearing Phoenix’s voice within the symphony of shrieks unfortunately broke Yoru’s promise of staying quiet throughout the ride. He couldn’t help but let his small grin turn into laughter. As embarrassing as Phoenix was, he was no different from every other person making a fool of themselves. He fit right in and Yoru felt like the outlier in this situation, he’d still rather jump off the ride than start screaming.

In his fit of uncontrollable laughter as well as the uncomfortable position his neck was craned in due to the speed of the ride, he didn’t notice the way Phoenix glanced his way. A fond twinkle in his eyes and a smile that grew even wider. 

-

The rest of the day was absolutely hell. Phoenix dragged Yoru onto every ride that they stumbled upon before Yoru finally called it quits and begged for a break. 

“We’ve been spun, bumped, and shaken all day today! I think we can take a breather and just look around,” Yoru said to a sulking Phoenix. His friend was disappointed about their agenda being cut short, the rides he had wanted to go on now an untouchable dream. As much as Yoru loved roller coasters, most of the rides at the fair were headache inducing. “Let’s just look at the games alright? Then we can go on the Ferris wheel, it’s getting late anyway.”

As painful as the experience had been, time flew by. Yoru was surprised to exit the bumper cars to see how dark the sky had gotten. The large crowd was mostly gone due to families deciding it was getting too late for their kids. The fair was filled with teenagers and other adults, which Yoru was extremely happy about. The amount of kids running around and screaming was giving him a headache, and it meant the games would be empty without parents hogging the counter trying to win something for their kid. 

Yoru’s tongue clicked in distaste. Most of the prizes they were able to win were extremely ugly. Definitely not worth the money. It wasn’t until a particular booth did Yoru stop for a moment, his attention on the medium size stuffed animal in the corner. 

“Somethin’ caught your eye?” Phoenix asked once he noticed his friend was staring. 

“It’s you.” Yoru replied and pointed at the stuffed animal. Upon closer inspection, the booth was filled with pokemon stuffed animals, and Yoru was looking at a Litten. The fire type cat had red stripes and a little smirk on it. Yoru had played the game the stuffed animal was a starter for, and concluded that the fiery animal resembled his friend pretty well. 

Phoenix crossed his arms with a huff. “‘Me? Nah, I’m probably more of that charizard over there.” He argued and uncrossed his arms to motion to the large pokemon in the middle of the booth that stood out like a sore thumb. 

Yoru just shook his head stubbornly. “Looks too mean.” He replied before making his way to the counter, waiting for the worker to notice he was there and give him a shot. 

“Woah wait a minute,” Phoenix panicked and ran after him. “You even know how to play? This stuff’s almost impossible to win.” 

Yoru rolled his eyes. “It’s not a big prize so I only need to make three balls in the basket.” As if it were that simple. Phoenix remembers blowing off all his tickets on a game like this trying to get something for Jett after she wasted all her tickets on the same game. The worker seemed to pity them and allowed them to take a small prize of their choice. They might not have gotten that large rainbow alpaca, but at least their efforts were rewarded.

“You ready to play?” Yoru’s attention broke from the stuffed animal to the worker who was undeniably attractive. The worker sported a wavy wolfcut and an eyebrow piercing, he looked like a Pinterest user’s dreams. He also didn’t look much older than Phoenix and him, he was most likely their age. Working at the fair must’ve paid well if a good chunk of the workers were college students. 

“You know the rules?” The worker asked after Yoru nodded, to which Yoru replied with a simple ‘yup’ and took the small basket full of balls. The worker — his name tag labeled Joshua — eyed Yoru before a small smile was set on his face. “If you don’t manage to get the prize you want I won’t mind givin’ you another chance for free.” He offered sweetly.

Phoenix felt his eye twitch at this. The worker — Joshua — was Phoenix’s height, and obviously worked out by the way his arms bulged out of his uniform (not that it mattered, and not that he was looking). Phoenix rolled his eyes at the tight shirt and the way he placed his elbows on the counter to lean in and display his sleeve of tattoos. What a show-off.

“What’s your name?” The worker asked after Yoru missed the bucket as to not distract him. “Since you know mine.” He said and tapped his name tag.

“Yoru.” He replied simply before taking another shot at throwing. Whatever conversation they had after fell on deaf ears. Phoenix couldn’t stop glaring at the worker, who didn’t notice the bad energy directed towards him. If Phoenix had powers then this guy’s head would’ve blown up by his stare alone. 

In Phoenix’s internal rage he didn’t notice Yoru miss his last ball and fail to win a prize, not even a small one. He sighed disappointedly and watched the worker leave the counter to help him with his next free attempt. 

“I got a tip for you,” he said before placing himself behind Yoru (not fully behind, their bodies didn’t overlap but Phoenix couldn’t tell the difference in his bubble of jealousy) and gently grabbed the hand that Yoru was using to throw. “You gotta bend yourself over the counter so that all you really gotta do is roll the ball inside.” He said and used his own body to lightly push Yoru over the counter so that he was closer to the bucket. 

Phoenix was appalled at the touch and looked around to see if anyone else was weirded out by the display. He was met with no one, forgetting that the fair was almost empty and no one was going to use their time playing stupid games. It was just him, Yoru, and this stupid worker. 

He looked at his friend to see if he was affected by this, but there wasn’t even a blush! He looked totally fine about this man being so close to him and even laughed about a joke that he had said.

“See how close your hand is now?” Joshua asked and squeezed the hand he was holding. “Just gently throw it in.” Yoru followed his instructions and managed to get the ball to roll in and stay. 

Joshua let go of Yoru and stepped away to simply lean against the counter next to him and watch Yoru play. “You an exchange student?” Joshua asked after Yoru made another ball in. 

“Wasn’t born here but I moved from Japan a while back.” Yoru replied casually. 

The worker nodded. “Must be cool to experience your hometown before leaving,” he said. “I was born here and can’t even speak Viet anymore. Went back to Vietnam to visit relatives once and I needed my mom with me every time I talked to someone..” He laughed.

Yoru chuckled at the joke. Although he didn’t understand the struggle personally, since he still spoke Japanese, he still sympathized with him.

Phoenix couldn’t watch this any longer, and was happy to see Yoru had gotten all six balls into the bucket. That meant they could grab the prize and leave. 

“Good job,” Joshua said and held a fist out once Yoru straightened his back from its bent position, to which Yoru returned with a bump. “You can get a large prize.” He said and gestured to the bigger stuffed animals, making his way back behind the counter. 

Yoru shook his head before making his way to the Litten plush. “I came here for this.” He said and tugged at the small prize. 

The worker raised an eyebrow. “You don’t want a big prize? After all that hard work?” He asked with a surprised chuckle. “Tell you what, I can throw in a large prize with the one you’re holding.” 

Phoenix’s eye twitched again at another gracious offer. If he could report him for giving shit out for free then he’d be calling the manager by now. 

“Seriously?” Yoru asked. 

“Why not?” Joshua replied. ”An exclusive deal reserved for cute guys like you.” He said with a wink. Phoenix gagged at the shameless attempt at flirting. Before he could pull out his phone and text Jett he felt Yoru elbow his arm.

“Pick one.” He said, the Litten plush now in his arms. 

Now if Phoenix was smart, had some sort of relationship experience, and knew what to do when someone was flirting with the person he was… confused about (he didn’t want to admit anything he didn’t understand) then he probably would’ve said, ‘awww babe, for me?’ Or ruffled Yoru’s hair and followed it with a sweet, ‘thanks babe.’ 

But Phoenix settled with a friendly, “Thanks bruv.” And looked at all the stuffed animals, his mind screaming at him for being such an idiot. Bruv? BRUV? When has he ever called Yoru bruv? When has he ever called anyone bruv after he left England? He just bruv-zoned Yoru! 

While he was having an internal battle in his mind the worker slid over to Yoru, his phone in his hands. “I was wonderin’ if I could get your number,” he said and offered his phone to him. Phoenix felt his brain shut off at this. “If not that’s totally fine, but I’m cool with just bein’ friends and all that…not that I was hopin’ for something else.” He added quickly, embarrassed. 

Yoru stared at the phone before taking it and putting his number in then handing the phone back. Joshua smiled, taking the phone back. He quickly renamed the contact to, ‘Yoru, cute boy with the blue hair :)’ and texted the number so that he’d be in Yoru’s contacts. 

When Yoru felt his phone buzz, he took it out of his pocket and opened it to see a text from Joshua. 

‘Is this the cutie standing in front of me?’ Yoru rolled his eyes and chuckled before saving the contact into his phone. Before they could make small talk while Phoenix was seemingly frozen in place, his friend finally yelled for the worker’s attention and pointed at the large milotic plush in the corner. 

“I want that.” He forced through gritted teeth, a strained smile on his face. Phoenix wanted the worker to look disappointed at their conversation being cut short so Phoenix could hate him, especially since he’d been nice up until now, but he just smiled with a thumbs up. 

“I’ll get that for you,” He said and grabbed the large prize and handed it over to Phoenix, who snatched the toy away and stepped back. The worker seemed confused at the action but shrugged it off. “I’m guessin’ you’re both leaving now?” He asked. 

“Yeah, there’s one more ride we wanted to check out before we leave.” Yoru replied. 

Joshua sighed disappointedly. “Alright, it was nice meeting y’all,” he said, his friendly grin now back on his face. “I’ll text you once I’m off.” He said expectantly.

“Alright,” Yoru said before giving the worker a small wave. “It was nice meeting you. Let’s go Phoenix.” He said and pulled his friend away by the sleeve of his jacket to start walking around again. 

The walk to the Ferris wheel was quiet, and Yoru snuck a glance to see Phoenix sulking with his hands in his pockets, his prize stuffed between his body and arm. “You good?” Yoru asked. 

Phoenix just nodded his head. “Totally fine, let’s just get in line yeah?” He said and sped up, Yoru trailing after him confusedly.

-

They’d been waiting in line silently for a while before Yoru finally broke the awkward quietude. They were nearing the front of the line, and he didn’t want to be in a Ferris wheel in complete silence. 

“Why’d you get that one?” Yoru asked, poking the large stuffed animal Phoenix held. 

Phoenix looked at the stuffed animal, as if he were surprised he even had it. “Looks like you,” He said; his prior sour mood disappeared shortly after taking a look at the pokemon’s face. The long noodle of a pokemon sported a blue tail and a nasty glare. With a small smile, Phoenix held the face of the plush up to Yoru’s. “Twins.” He said jokingly. Yoru pushed the stuffed animal away, embarrassed. 

“You’re so weird.” Yoru mumbled before stepping up to the gate of the Ferris wheel, waiting for their cart to clear out. Once they got the okay to board, they took their seats and lifted off.

“When it gets to around this time, the person controllin’ this waits a little longer to rotate the wheel again,” Phoenix said. “That’s why the line’s super long. Is it worth the wait every year? Probably not.” He joked, Yoru laughing in return. 

As much as Phoenix wanted to talk to Yoru about Joshua, he didn’t want him to know he was jealous — or jealous adjacent, something like that. “Did you enjoy the fair?” He asked instead.

“It was alright,” Yoru replied simply, turning his head to see Phoenix look at him in disbelief. His mouth wide open in shock, a dead glare. “I’m joking, it was a lot of fun.” He said with a laugh, hoping his friend would have that sort of reaction. 

Phoenix sighed in relief. “Can’t ever tell when you’re bein’ for real or not. Almost gave me a heart attack.” 

It was quiet again as they waited for their cart to ascend higher. 

“Did you have fun?” Yoru asked once they had gotten to the midpoint. 

“Of course I did? Why?” Phoenix questioned, puzzled.

Yoru shrugged as he watched his legs dangle. “You wanted to go on all the rides and I tapped out too early,” he began. “While we were here you kept talking about how you and Jett went on every ride. When we decided to skip a ride — when I didn’t want to go on something — you’d whine about how Jett would’ve gone on. It just…felt like you couldn’t do what you wanted.” He finished.

Phoenix didn’t realize he’d been doing that the entire day. He originally wanted to come here with Yoru so they could have fun, and all he did was guilt trip his friend into going on ‘one more ride’ just because his other friend would’ve done it. He groaned in disappointment. “I’m the worst,” he said seriously and covered his face with his hands, sighing again. He removed his hands once he had his thoughts in order. “I had a lot of fun man, seriously . I go here all the time, I won’t die ‘cuz I couldn’t go on ‘extremely close to falling apart’ ride number seven. Don’t worry ‘bout it, I’m really glad I got to come here with you.”

Yoru didn’t know how to react to such honesty, but he could feel himself relax at the comfort. He was so worried about ruining the day for Phoenix, so it was nice to hear he had fun despite Yoru not being able to keep up with his energy. 

“We’re finally at the top.” Yoru decided to say, peering down the ride to look at the lights from the fair. Despite how the fair might’ve looked, the sight was a lot better up high. 

Phoenix fished his phone out of his pocket, swiping to the camera. “For the memories!” He said happily and wrapped an arm around Yoru’s shoulders, lifting up his phone with his free hand to show Yoru that his camera was on selfie mode. 

As flustered as Yoru might’ve been at the touch, he physically and mentally couldn’t allow himself to look bad in the photo. He put on his best smile, a little wink, and subconsciously went into his default pose: a peace sign. 

It felt weird not having at least one hand in a photo, and the peace sign was the best way to get it in the camera naturally. After Phoenix took the photo, or multiple photos as he spammed the button, he unwrapped his arm from where it was on Yoru to go through the burst of pictures. 

After finding a photo that he liked out of the bunch, he held his phone back up so Yoru could see. “Can I post this?” He asked, and Yoru couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “What? You don’t think it looks good?” He asked before inspecting the photo further.

“Just feels weird, no one’s ever asked that,” Yoru replied, unable to stop laughing. “Of course you can.” 

Phoenix rolled his eyes before going on Insta to post the picture. “I think it’s crazy to think we’re here ‘cuz you offered to be my roommate.” He recalled after realizing it had been a couple months since Yoru moved in. He was feeling strangely melancholic, a power only a ferris wheel had. Being up there felt like the right time to reminisce about life.

“Imagine if I wasn’t working that day,” Yoru replied, feeling the same way. “Or if you knew how to talk quieter.” He teased. 

“Yeah, you’d be stuck with your friend and his boyfriend while they did god knows what.”  Phoenix said and rolled his eyes.

Yoru chuckled at the mention of his friends, a fond sigh leaving his mouth. “None of this feels real…not living with Omen, moving in with you, and having all of these new people in my life,” he confessed. “I’m glad we met.” Yoru said and smiled, his eyes still trained on the lights. 

Phoenix felt his heart beat at the sight. It must’ve been the fair air, or something they ate, because his friend looked breathtaking. From the way the bright lights illuminated his face, how brightly his eyes shined, and the carefree smile on Yoru’s face. He didn’t know how much he longed to see such a sight, especially since the last time his friend felt this way was their little motorcycle outing a while back. Phoenix remembers feeling a little bummed that he couldn’t see Yoru’s face as he enjoyed the world around him without worry or the weight of his past always pushing down on him. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered without much thought. 

“Did you say something?” Yoru asked genuinely, having spaced out after his heartfelt speech. 

Phoenix shook his head quickly. “Just returnin’ the sentiment,” he covered up nervously. “Glad I met you too is all.” 

Their time at the highest point of the wheel was finally over, and they awaited the long trip back down. 

Chapter Text

Phoenix dragged himself out of his classroom, the lecture going on for what seemed like days. He desperately wanted to go home and rest, maybe even ask Yoru if he wanted to watch a movie on their couch, but he was currently on a mission. Ever since they’d gone to the fair, Yoru was always on his phone. For the past three days Phoenix would talk to his roommate over breakfast or dinner, and Yoru’s phone would ping during their conversation. 

Okay, maybe always wasn’t a good word to describe his friend’s recent activities. 

Whenever Yoru got a notification there would be times where he didn’t even bother answering. He never even texted first. The few times Phoenix’s curiosity got the best of him and he’d ask Yoru about what they were talking about, his friend would read their texts out loud. They bonded over volleyball and tattoos, and they talked a lot about artists they enjoyed since they had similar music tastes. It seemed friendly, and if the friend-zone was a text it’d be their entire conversations thus far.

So, really, what was Phoenix so worked up over? Yoru and that stupid fair employee wasn’t making plans together, and there was no guarantee Yoru would say yes. If anything, he’d most likely decline the offer. Joshua, the worker, was getting nowhere with Yoru and yet Phoenix still felt…weird about everything.

Just the thought of Joshua being in Yoru’s contacts and having his number was enough to make him feel sick. It was probably dramatic of him, to be sulking over his friend’s attention now being split among even more people. Phoenix was already fighting for a spot on Yoru’s favorites list with Cypher and Omen — who were in the lead by a large margin — he couldn’t go against some extremely attractive dude with tattoos! Even Phoenix would choose some dude with tats, it was human nature. 

With the way his friends had been acting with Yoru, it was safe to say he’d lost his spot on their list too. He’s known them for years and he lost to his fake boyfriend who they’ve known for a few months. Brooding boys never lose.

Phoenix collapsed into his car seat, the long journey back to his vehicle absolutely grueling. He didn’t bother buying a parking space, and the tiny lot was quick to fill up, so he was always subjected to a long walk across his campus. There were a number of days where he’d need to run to his class on important test and lab days, and those weren’t very fun either. The exams and papers he’d done over the years were no match to the stress he was feeling at the moment, as well as the past few weeks. He couldn’t confide in his friends about the problem because it’d blow their cover. Even if this were a normal relationship problem Jett would be no help, the girl would make fun of him for being so jealous. 

Even though Jett was always jealous. She’d always glare at anyone that approached Sage, even if they were just lab partners asking for help or an update on her part of the project. Her jealousy was even worse when it came to people actually going up to Sage to flirt. Jett was scary, and Phoenix wasn’t afraid to admit the fact. Her glare was enough to scare people off, but Jett wasn’t one to turn down a fight when people refused to get the hint. Sage was perfectly capable of handling her own; if Jett was terrifying then Sage was an otherworldly demon. The two made a strange pair. 

Brimstone would be no help either. What would he know about relationships? The man’s been single his entire life, or close to his entire life. He never wanted to talk about the years before adopting KJ, which was suspicious but they never pushed it. 

There was only one person he could trust — or two people, to be exact. 

His parents.

He and his moms have a funny story, or funny to an outsider at least. Despite Phoenix’s strong accent, neither of his parents had one. Prior to adopting Phoenix they had actually both lived in America. The only reason they adopted Phoenix in England was because one of his moms had work there. 

His mom was an environmental scientist and after her org expanded to England, they decided it was best to move there since the company needed more workers — only until they could find more people in the local area to hire. His parents had no intention of staying long, and they made sure they wouldn’t spend their lives in England. His mom hated how much the country rained but dealt with it since her wife enjoyed the work there. 

Despite their predicament, they were still thinking of adoption. Since they’d both acquired work visas for England, and there was no telling how long they were going to stay there, they thought it was best to adopt there and move back to California in the future. 

Phoenix loves his moms, loves them to death, but driving over to their house to talk about his roommate was more than embarrassing. They were most likely going to tease him about it, as well as ask questions about Yoru, and he wasn’t prepared for it at all. The last time he talked about dating and crushes with his moms he’d told them he was straight. Despite how confident he was about his sexuality, he never told them about any girl he was interested in. Sure — he’d come home and talk about the pretty girl in his class, but he always told them he wasn’t actually interested in going out with anyone. Going back and dropping a bomb on them about a boy he was interested in was going to be a lot. 

-

“Look who’s here,” Were the first words his mom said after the front door opened. She leaned against the door frame and sized her son up. “Ah, this must be a special occasion. You never come by unless it’s something important. Our son doesn’t want to hang out with his parents anymore.” She playfully said with a sad cry, a pout on her face. 

It wasn’t long until his other mom showed up to pull her wife away. “Stop making fun of him, Reyna, let the boy in.” She said, saving her son from another minute of teasing. 

“Viper, my beautiful wife, you wound me,” she teased once more before chuckling. “You heard your mom, come in.” She finished before heading back inside to take her place on the couch. Phoenix could hear a random drama blasting on the large screen from his place at the door. 

Viper rolled her eyes at her wife’s antics before focusing on her son again. “She’s right, you know, you could visit just to hang around,” She said and shut the door once Phoenix made his way inside, quickly taking off his shoes since his moms hated shoes indoors. 

Phoenix smiled apologetically. “My bad ma, you know how college is,” he said. “It’s just…stuff’s been goin’ on.” Viper shifted her eyes at his voice. 

“This must be a big problem,” she said, knowing very well what the tone of his voice meant, it’d been a while since the last time Phoenix came to them about something serious. “Join your mother on the couch, there’s something you need to tell us, right?” 

“Yeah, a lot of shit.” He said with a shake of his head, walking over to the living room to take a seat on the other side of the couch while his mom retreated to the kitchen to fetch something. 

It was nice — being able to forget about college and just be a kid again, even if it wasn’t for very long. He was curled up on his favorite part of the couch that his parents never had the heart to occupy despite not living with them. Him and his mom would laugh about something on screen while Viper scolded them about the noise. She never complained about it more than once. 

As much as he wanted to show his parents he could be independent after being such a big momma’s boy for so many years, there were days where he’d lay in bed and wish he were in highschool again. He wanted to relive the days where he’d wait for his moms to pick him up after soccer practice and reward his efforts with a quick frozen yogurt run. The day he got his license during his senior year, he would sadly treat himself to his own yogurt after practice. 

Phoenix’s train of thought was interrupted by his mom walking into the room with three large cups of coffee, her favorite brand that she shared despite how expensive a single bag was. “Drink up,” she said and placed the tray down so she could take a seat in the middle. After they had taken a moment to take a sip of the hot beverage, Viper spoke. “So? What’s gotten you so worked up?” She asked simply. 

He took a moment to organize his thoughts. With a gentle motion, as to not spill his drink, Phoenix shook his cup to watch the creamer and coffee mix together. “There’s a…” he bit his lip, quickly deciding whether to mention every little detail. “A guy I met recently.” He finished with uncertainty, not catching the way his moms’ eyes met. There was a grin on Reyna’s face while Viper did a better job at hiding her smile.

“He’s been helpin’ me with something and it kinda forced us to get closer, especially since he’s my new roommate and stuff,” Phoenix wonders how differently everything could’ve been if they had just stayed as roommates. “And everything’s been so confusing with him around. He’s got bad blood with one of my friends, I don’t like his friends and they don’t like me, we’re in a fake relationship, and he’s got a lot going on in his life.”

“Wait a minute,” Reyna said as she processed his words. “Fake relationship? You can’t just gloss over that like it’s normal.” 

Phoenix sighed. “Jett and KJ’s been playin’ cupid so my roommate and I decided to pretend we were dating so they’d get off my back.” He answered, not looking up from his cup to see the inevitable look of disbelief on his mom’s face. 

“There was probably an easier solution to that problem,” Reyna said, getting a stern kick from Viper in return. She glared at her wife to see that Viper was glaring too, and decided to back down before they started arguing when their son needed help. “You can continue.” She said stiffly. 

Phoenix rubbed the warm surface of his mug for comfort. “The plan actually worked, they’ve backed off and they genuinely believe we’re together but…” he trailed off before groaning in frustration. “Being with him is so — frustrating! I don’t even know if I like him but everytime he texts this guy he met I feel all weird .” 

Viper raised an eyebrow, amused. “So you like him?” 

“Yes! Or — no! I don’t know!” Phoenix yelled and slumped against the couch. He just got out of class, there was no reason for him to be thinking so much. His brain was going to fry at this point. “That’s the problem! I obviously feel somethin’ for him but the thought of liking him is…scary.” He admitted quietly. 

“Scary?” Viper repeated in curiosity. 

Phoenix shrugged, not really understanding the emotion either. “He doesn’t have the happiest life, and he can’t name a single person he knows that hasn’t emotionally scarred him,” he joked bitterly, not knowing if he had the right to be saying such things in a sarcastic tone about someone’s life. “I don’t wanna end up like everyone else that he knows. It feels like I’m walkin’ on eggshells when I’m with him, especially since he doesn’t share anything with me — but the idea of him sharing something so personal with me is terrifying. What if I can’t help him? What if I say the wrong thing while trynna comfort him?” 

It was a slippery slope when it came to Yoru. Phoenix wasn’t one for conflict, and Jett hated sharing her problems with people other than her parents, so there was never an opportunity for him to learn how to comfort people or feel comfortable talking about darker topics. The weight of someone trusting him enough to share the most vulnerable parts of themselves was a burden he didn’t want to carry. He wasn’t prepared for it.

“So you like him but you don’t wanna deal with his problems.” Reyna asked bluntly, getting straight to the point. 

Phoenix hesitated. “Well…I guess?” He couldn’t lie to his moms. It’s not like they were completely wrong either. Whenever Yoru shared a piece of his life with him he always seemed to respond in a way that never satisfied Yoru. When his friend told him about his dad, his past…attempt, as well as his relationship with Omen he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. He was furious, of course, but there was a small feeling of discomfort that left him feeling sick. The fact that his friend admitted to something so horrible and the one emotion that stuck out, even just for a moment, was his own distress absolutely ate at him. “I just…I want my life to be easy . Does that make me a bad guy?” He questioned. 

“There isn’t a single person in this world that doesn’t think of themselves,” Viper reassured her son, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder to offer extra comfort. “And as much as I — we — want to find an answer to all your problems, you need to understand your feelings fully. You need to decide whether you truly like him or not, then you ask yourself if you’re ready to love someone that obviously needs help. That doesn’t mean you have to be there to “cure” him, he needs help beyond you and you need to understand that he can’t erase his problems just because you don’t want to deal with it. You can’t force him to get better because you like him, that’s not going to happen.” Viper removed her hand from his shoulder to pick up her cup again.

“What if I accidentally hurt him?” Phoenix pondered aloud. 

“Why do you keep assuming the worst?” Reyna asked. 

‘How can I not?’ Phoenix thought to himself. “I dunno.” He answered instead. He truly didn’t know, and he still doesn’t after his talk. Despite that, he’s glad he got to rant about it with minimal judgement. He wasn’t really looking for a solution, god knows it’ll take more than just one miraculous talk from his parents, but sharing the brunt of his problems with other people felt good. Maybe he was weird for not being able to help his friend. Here he was, enjoying the ability to vent to his parents but once someone comes to him for a shoulder to cry on he freezes up and wishes he were anywhere else. 

Reyna smiled softly before opening up her arms, her large cup of coffee safely placed on the coffee table. “Your mom and I listened to you talk about your big problem and we don’t even get a hug? I thought we raised you better.” She playfully scolded, the smile on her face only growing. There was a slight look of anticipation on Viper’s face, her own coffee not in her hands anymore. 

Phoenix chuckled and set his cup on their table before launching himself at his moms. He smiled fondly once he heard his mothers’ laughs and melted at the way his parents rubbed his arm and gently patted his back.

Reyna, who was always tasked with patting his back during a group hug, groaned. “When’d you grow so much? Last time you visited I swear you were as tall as your mom.” She complained. Viper didn’t verbally agree to the protest, just squeezed his arm gently.

“Just shows we need to catch up more often.” Viper whispered.

It felt like he was back in elementary school, or even high school. Being comforted after a bad test or his team losing another game. There was a particular bad day where he was caught cheating on a stupid history test. Although he wasn’t punished for it by the school, his parents were notified of the “horrific” crime. He remembers the quiet car ride back home and finally bursting into guilty tears when his mom placed food in front of him with a tiny smile. He apologized profusely for the mistake, and they simply embraced him (after his crying session Viper told him he wouldn’t be getting his allowance for the month, but he didn’t mind. As long as they didn’t hate him.) “If I fuck up, you guys have my back, right?” He asked quietly. 

“Depends on how severe your fuck up is,” Reyna joked, but Phoenix could pick up on the hint of seriousness in her voice. He let go of his parents to lay back on the arm of the couch. It was silent as he fully took in everything that happened. “So…can we see a picture of your uh — roommate .” She asked excitedly. 

Phoenix couldn’t say no to his mom. He grabbed his phone from out of his pocket to open up his photos, the most recent picture being their selfie on the ferris wheel from a couple days ago. He tapped on the photo and handed his phone to his eager mom.

Viper leaned in to take a glance before whistling. “He’s an asshole, isn’t he?” She asked. 

Phoenix laughed. “The biggest.” He answered without any real malice in his voice. There was a hint of fondness Reyna and Viper could pick up on, and they wondered if their own son could hear how his voice seemed to brighten up when it came to his friend. 

Reyna snickered. “What’s this? Are you two on a date?” She asked when she realized the two were definitely not on the ground. Judging from the lights, she could tell it was the ferris wheel. Phoenix loved going on it as a boy, when all three of them could fit into one seat, and the people in charge of the rides never changed up the attraction’s aesthetics. “Can I scroll? Or am I going to see something weird in here?” 

Phoenix blushed. “There’s nothin’ weird! And no! We aren’t on a…a date ,” he said, embarrassed. He sighed and reached for his phone to go to his folders, ignoring the look Reyna gave him at the phone being snatched from her hands. He had a knack for separating his photos depending on which friend was in it, and he coincidentally had a small (more like decently sized) folder with photos of Yoru. Some were photos Yoru was aware of, some were…taken in secret. He handed his phone back to his moms. “You can scroll.” He grumbled.

The folder had a couple selfies of Yoru and Phoenix in the car, at the market, Brim’s diner, and some more impromptu pictures. There was a blurry image of Yoru in their kitchen, a large sweater hanging off his body and his hair was a mess. Another photo was of Yoru excitedly inspecting his motorcycle the day he got it back from the shop, sparkles in his eyes his hands gently roaming the bike’s exterior. He looked like a kid on Christmas Day. 

Reyna stopped at the long string of photos from the ferris wheel again, quickly scrolling through the collage of selfies. In her search for different photos, her hand stopped at an image of Yoru subtly side eyeing Phoenix who was still focused on the camera. She carefully inspected Yoru’s face before smiling softly. She could tell by the look in his eyes that their son had nothing to worry about, and seeing a small twitch in the corner of Viper’s lips further proved the fact. 

Phoenix would be alright. 

After a long session of teasing, as well as a few questions about Yoru, Phoenix decided to stay the night at his parents’ place. He quickly texted Yoru to tell him where he’d be before silencing his phone to focus on the show his moms were watching before he dropped by. 

Although the T.V was turned on loud enough to distract all thoughts from someone’s brain, he couldn’t help but think about the talk they had. Viper and Reyna could see the distant look on their son’s face but decided against calling for his attention. He needed time to think. 

There was too much for Phoenix to assess. His sexuality, his feelings, his wants, his needs…it was too much. He couldn’t even properly explore his sexuality, his problem with Yoru seemed to rush into his life like a freight train. There were no stops. It was hard enough that he was beating himself up over how he truly felt when it came to Yoru’s problem. It’s not like he wants to feel uncomfortable when Yoru briefly talks about his life, but it’s painfully awkward when Phoenix stays silent. 

His hug that one day was extremely awkward. (Although Yoru’s heart pounded gleefully, the way he pushed Phoenix away made it seem like the hug was a mistake. He promised himself he’d be more careful when it came to touch after that.) It felt right in the moment. His moms hugged him all the time when he had a problem, and KJ liked hugs, so sue him for thinking a hug would’ve worked. People hug their loved ones all the time! 

Phoenix paused at the word.

Loved ones.

Love. 

Phoenix rolled the word around on his tongue, as if to taste it. When he thought about the love he felt for his parents it tasted sweet, pleasant. 

When he associated the word love to his friends it tasted refreshing, like a glass of lemonade on a hot day. 

Putting love and Yoru together tasted…bitter, but not a bad kind of bitter — but it wasn’t a flavor he enjoyed. It was like dark chocolate, green grapes, and tea with just the right amount of sugar. 

It was confusing. Scary. New.

Phoenix loved chocolate, but hated dark chocolate. He enjoyed grapes, but would never pick up a bag of green ones. Tea was his second favorite beverage, but a spoonful of sugar wasn’t enough for him. 

Loving — liking — Yoru was the painful in betweens and the definition of “almost there.” He would be honored, overjoyed, to have someone like Yoru in his life and be able to be more than just friends. He wanted to go to fairs with him again, wake up in the morning and go grocery shopping, cook together, drink an unhealthy amount of alcohol, go on picnics together, and do everything he thought was sweet, the good parts of loving someone. 

He didn’t want to come home to a locked bedroom door, shaking hands, reckless drinking, insults, arguments, misunderstandings — if Phoenix understood relationships then he’d know the bitter parts that came with them were normal; but he didn’t. His moms, even if they bickered, never got to a point where they couldn’t stand being around each other. Their problems never lasted long, and if it did then they did a good job at hiding it from him. His parents’ relationship was good — perfect. He assumed everything should be this way. 

So why was he cursed with such a confusing crush? Was this some sort of sick wake up call? Some powerful deity above thought it’d be funny to cause problems and chose the guy who grew up with a naive filter over his eyes. 

Phoenix thought about Yoru again before asking himself the bigger question:

‘Do I love him?’

This wasn’t a complicated essay for him to write, no multiple choice answers for him to choose from, or a math problem for him to solve. 

It was yes or no, true or false, this or that. 

Maybe. 

That wasn’t an option, but Phoenix liked how it sounded. It was a yes, but it was also a no. Was it true? Maybe. Was it false? Maybe. 

It would just… be. And maybe, along the way, Phoenix would find the eventual answer to such an important question. No one was pushing for him to solve everything now, so he would leave the answer up to fate. Or maybe even force. 

Chapter Text

Yoru tapped the counter lightly, a familiar rhythm under his fingertips. He remembers laying in bed and going through a playlist his streaming service made for him one night. As he was mindlessly shuffling through it, the song he was currently drumming started playing and he immediately recognized the tune. It was an old song he heard repeatedly as a child, and he promised himself to leave it in the past; no matter how catchy it was. He was hoping a day at work would keep his mind off of it, or maybe even make him forget the song, but he should’ve known that it would come with a price.

It was a slow day at the cafe. Most students came in to order a coffee and speed out the door, always sporting an anxious look on their faces as they constantly checked their phones to make note of the time. A lot of students were snappier than usual, but you can never ask for patience when it came to a college student that was most likely minutes away from dropping out. He enjoyed working in the kitchen more than at the cashier, especially since he was less likely to meet these assholes with zero patience and a lack of respect for workers in the food industry. If it wasn’t illegal, he’d charge them twice for their order — to make up for their lack of tips, of course.

The kitchen was always silent, aside from the occasional callouts, but everyone was in their own little world when decorating a cake or making a drink. On slower days, Yoru would plant himself in front of an oven and watch the muffins rise. It amused him in an extremely childish way, but he loved watching normal things do extremely normal things. Was this an extremely boring trait of his? Yes, he knows this, he embraces it; but simple tasks like watching dough rise in an oven is satisfying . 

But now there was nothing to do except greet the few customers that came in and wait for newcomers to scan the menu before finally making a decision, as if they couldn’t have just searched the menu up beforehand. The cafe he worked at was pretty popular, there had to be a picture of their menu online.

‘Oh Yoru, you can’t rush customers. That’s rude.’ Yoru nagged to himself, imitating people who most likely took a lifetime before deciding their orders and had the audacity to complain about his lack of patience. Take a couple of seconds to think, that’s fine; but taking longer than an entire minute was pushing it. Yoru always came prepared with his order before getting to the counter — and no . It’s not because he hates making people in line wait for him. Of course not. (The way he stuffs cash into his pocket or bag instead of taking his time to put it back in his wallet says otherwise.) 

But god, with how boring the day’s been he’ll take indecisive customers over the complete silence any day. He’ll even put up with a shitty customer! He needed a reason to yell at somebody, why not some random person with a short temper. Right before he could let his head fall against the counter to rest his head, the bell to the front door rang. Another customer, finally.

Yoru picked his head up to greet them. “Welco—,” he stopped when he saw who had walked in. 

Sage. 

Yoru cursed whatever omnipotent being was watching over him, if there was any at all. He asked for an indecisive customer, not whatever the fuck Sage was. Despite his burning hatred, he put on his best customer service smile and voice. “Welcome to Pearl, may I take your order?” He asked, albeit a little strained, once Sage walked up to the counter. 

“An iced peach tea and a blueberry muffin please,” she replied, watching Yoru put down the order. “Are you busy?” She asked before handing him her card.

“That’s not on the menu.” He sneered, swiping her card into the reader harshly then handing it back to her to see her reaction. If Phoenix was here, he would’ve laughed at the joke. All he got in response was a blank stare and a slight raise of her eyebrow. He had the humor of a high school boy, sue him. If he wasn’t trying to be professional he would’ve hunched over, slapped the counter, then proceeded to laugh his ass off. 

“I need to talk to you.” 

“I said that’s—”

The swinging door to the kitchen swung open, revealing his manager. “You two can talk,” he snapped his head around to glare at her. She leaned against the wall, unaffected by the same stare that had people moving to make space for him in hallways. “Yoru here was supposed to go on break ages ago, isn’t that right?” His manager was on the younger side, so she never had a problem with how Yoru acted. If anything, she was always ready to bite back. 

“Aren’t you so lucky to have such a dedicated worker? What would Fade do without me.” He mumbled to himself with an eye roll, knowing his manager had heard him loud and clear.

She just smirked. “Well I have plenty of workers who can work the cashier, so go on and have your talk,” she said before retreating back into the kitchen. “I better not see you back there for an hour! You’re too young to be so serious about a part time job, you loser!” She yelled. 

Yoru sighed, glad the building was pretty much empty. He finished putting in Sage’s order as slowly as he could. He knew no matter how long he stalled, Sage wouldn’t leave. Stubborn as always. After putting Sage’s name in for her order he motioned to the back of the cafe with a slight flick of his head. “There’s no one here but I’m not having this talk anywhere near the counter.” He led her over to a cushioned seat in the corner, not looking back to see if she was following. Of course she was, why wouldn’t she be. 

They seated themselves across from each other, the cushioned seat sinking under their weight and Yoru took the opportunity to shrink further into himself. Maybe the cushions could swallow him whole if he just slouched enough. There was an awkward silence, but Yoru would be damned before he spoke first. It’s not like he sought her out, it was her job to say something. “I came here to apologize.” She said seriously, not breaking her gaze from the younger boy in front of her. Yoru felt uncomfortable at such intensity and shifted his eyes away to focus on anything else but the girl in front of her. She had her signature “business” look on, the same one he’d see whenever she walked down the halls to get to the counseling room or told a student off for misbehaving. He felt like a child under her gaze. 

“Took you long enough.” He muttered bitterly. Maybe he really was a child. 

Sage, unsurprisingly, remained unbothered. “I’m sorry for the way I acted at the picnic, and for judging you so quickly. High school was the past, I shouldn’t have let such old feelings cloud my judgement,” she continued, her stoic manner not wavering. It sounded like she was making some kind of deal with him, he hated it. “I’m not expecting you to forgive me, but I wanted to clear any tension my outburst caused.” 

Yoru shrugged. She was always too formal, it’s built into her. “Are you here because you wanted to apologize? Or are you here ‘cuz of Jett.” He asked.

Sage shook her head. “I wanted to apologize. Yes, Jett was appropriately angry at me for what I did, but I’m not here for her. I’m here for you,” Yoru didn’t know how to respond to that, he didn’t like how that sounded. “I saw your face after I had said it and I…I was ashamed. I was doing more harm than good, and I humiliated you in front of everyone. For that, I’m sorry.” She apologized again. Yoru hated how sincere she sounded. He wanted to keep on hating her, he can’t hate her if she was being genuine. Or maybe he can, spite tends to do that to a person, and spite was Yoru’s middle name. 

Yoru tapped his fingers against the table again, the same rhythm from before. “Why do you,” he paused and licked his lips nervously. “Why do you hate me? I’ve never done anything to you… so why?” He asked and finally built up the courage to face Sage, to watch how her eyes filled with disappointment at the question. 

“My number one rule was to never judge based on what I’ve heard from other people…gossip,” she added quickly. “But I kept hearing chatter around you and Omen, and I thought you two acted harshly for no other reason than to be mean.” Silly feelings, stupid mistakes. She heard about how often Omen and Yoru skipped class, how quick they were to snap at a student or teacher, and chalked it up to dumb boys being boys. It was inexcusable behavior. 

“Omen is not afraid to speak his mind,” she continued and chuckled at the thought of him. “It was my first year as president since I lost the last election, and I wanted to be on everyone’s good side — especially since I only won because our freshman president decided not to run again and I was the next best choice. I wanted the teachers to see how dedicated I was to my role as president so they’d write good things about me for college, and I wanted students to confide in me. I needed to prove myself. In an effort to seem like…some kind of savior, I went up to Omen to convince him to — to be better? Nicer? Whatever it was, I can’t remember. He yelled at me, I yelled back. Class had ended, and yet there were students still there listening. My reputation wasn’t ruined, far from it, but I could still remember the disappointment from the teachers and the way everyone looked. It was humiliating, letting myself get angry the way I did. Especially for something as stupid as high school presidential duties.” Her small laugh seemed hollow, it was still hard to admit she took something so minor as seriously as she did. She knew it was better to embrace the parts of her that she grew out of instead of demonizing them, but it would take more time. 

Yoru watched as she paused. Despite being able to look him in the eyes during the entire conversation, she finally looked away. “After the screaming fest had ended, and we both dug into each other’s lives, he stood from his desk to leave the classroom — and you were there, waiting for him. You took him by the hand and dragged him away, not before you glared at me of course. It was lonely, being in the middle of the room as students gawked at me like I was there to entertain them. I used to tell myself at the time that I wasn’t lonely, that I had the support of the student council and the teachers — but despite being reliable I had no one to drag me away from the stares the way you did for Omen. I was jealous.” She finished, melancholic. She felt remorse for the girl she was years ago, if only she had found better ways to cope. 

Yoru’s brows furrowed at the confession. “What about Jett? You had , and still have, friends — what was there to be jealous of?” He asked, confused. Yoru was never the sympathetic type, so he just couldn’t understand what was so wrong in Sage’s life for her to act the way she did. “You have everything you could’ve ever wanted. You were president three years in a row, accepted to almost every university you applied for, had groups of people that liked you, you’re studying something you actually enjoy, you have amazing friends, and a fuckin’ girlfriend. What are you so jealous of?” He finished angrily. If Sage knew so much about his life then she would know there was nothing about him or his life that anyone would desire. 

She only chuckled quietly, as if she were expecting the question. “Is there a reason to feel…anything? Do I need to suffer in order to have these negative emotions?” Yoru wanted to say yes, but he knew that would only draw out their time together. He only stayed quiet, but the fire in his eyes spoke volumes. Sage already knew the answer to her questions. “I have no right to push my selfish feelings onto someone who isn’t as fortunate as I am, but I am only human — just like you, like Jett, as well as Phoenix. There was no reason other than being able to direct my envy towards someone as a way to cope. It wasn’t until after everything happened did I realize I could communicate these feelings to someone that cared about me so they could help me.” 

Yoru scoffed. “And like I said, you had friends, why didn’t you just go to them.” He repeated stubbornly. 

“I pushed them away, I thought I had to keep up the act as a reliable older friend. I thought that was all I was good for, and it was. That role was pushed onto me at a young age — and I thought that if I showed them I wasn’t as strong as they thought I was, they would leave,” she admitted. “After the whole outburst, I finally caved in. I went to Jett and let everything go, and she told me she was happy that I finally came to her. It was stupid of me to hold a grudge against you both even though I finally fixed my problems — but there was a stubborn part of me that wanted Omen to seek me out despite not being in the wrong, like I wanted to argue just one last time,” she bit her lip. “By the time I got over it — or partially over it, it was too late. We’d already graduated and there was no way for me to contact him or clear anything up, so I lived with a bitterness inside of me that stayed dormant…until Phoenix brought you along for the picnic.” 

Seeing that Phoenix’s boyfriend, who Jett talked about like they were best friends, was Yoru overwhelmed her. Years of stress, insecurity, doubts, and her own selfishness had bottled up and aimed itself at the boy once again. It felt like she was avenging her high school self, but she can’t even place a finger on what she was trying to prove. Yoru was right, he hadn’t done anything wrong to her. In the end, she hasn’t fully changed.

Everything was…a lot to take in for Yoru. “I’m surprised you told me all this.” He said quietly. 

“It is the least I could do to let you know I regret my actions.” She replied quickly, earnestly. 

“Why don’t they know about what happened?” Yoru asked. He expected for Phoenix, during their meeting at the cafe all those months ago, to point a finger at him and talk about how he hurt his friend. He expected Jett to say something when they first met. 

Sage smiled softly. “I was embarrassed,” she admitted. “They never asked so I never said anything, they just knew I got into a small argument and that was it.” 

It was silent again. “I take back everything I said that day, by the way,” Sage said when it looked like Yoru was ready to excuse himself from the conversation. “I’m glad you and Phoenix are together, I saw the picture of you two at the fair. It was cute. Jett also sees you as part of our group, especially since you’re her best friend’s boyfriend.” She added sweetly, almost teasingly. 

Yoru blushed at the memory as well as information, not thinking Sage would see the picture or genuinely believe they were dating. Either way, he was not ready for her to talk to him like they were already friends. “Thanks, I guess.” He mumbled, not knowing what to do now that the whole apology part was over. 

It looked as though Sage was going to say something else, but a voice thankfully cut her off before she could. “One blueberry muffin and an iced peach tea!” A worker called out from the front, finally ending their conversation. Sage glanced behind her and smiled softly, a tiny sigh escaping her mouth and she turned back to Yoru. 

“I guess it’s time for me to leave,” Sage said and stood from her seat. “It was nice talking to you, I hope you’re comfortable enough to accept Jett’s invites from now on — for Jett’s sake.” She walked away, making sure to grab her food and thank the cashier before walking out the door. 

Yoru collapsed into his seat even further, finally feeling as if he could breathe. He just wanted to go home. The last thing he expected was for a hand holding a plate to enter his field of vision and set it before him. He looked at the chocolate croissant on the dish in confusion before looking up to the hand’s owner. 

“Why’re you giving me this?” He asked when he saw that the hand belonged to Fade. His manager only shrugged before taking a seat on the spot Sage once occupied. “Are you firing me?” He questioned seriously, scared about what this croissant could mean. Fade never handed people food, especially her workers. 

Fade laughed at this. “Why’s that your first thought?” She asked before pushing the plate closer to Yoru. “I might’ve listened to your conversation and thought ‘ wow that’s kinda rough,’ so I decided to be a good manager and cheer my best worker up.” She said and motioned to the pastry. 

Yoru just stared at it, skeptical. 

“I know how much you like these,” she huffed, annoyed. “You always bring a croissant home, don’t think I haven’t noticed them going missing after you clock out. Just eat it.” 

Yoru rolled his eyes before grabbing the wrapped croissant and taking a bite. He was unable to keep the frown on his face at just the first bite of the pastry. It was flaky, buttery, and the chocolate wasn’t too sweet. The perfect croissant. How was he supposed to be angry after eating it? He hated enjoying things. 

“I didn’t know you were with someone.” She said once Yoru was eating his food without thinking he was getting kicked out of the cafe. 

Yoru gulped his bite down at the question. He could just admit there wasn’t anything serious going on between them, but a part of him enjoyed having people believe Phoenix and him were together. An extremely delusional part of him. Fade’s his manager, whether he was truthful or not wouldn’t matter. “It’s complicated.” He answered. 

Fade just nodded in understanding. “Relationships can be like that sometimes,” she said simply and stood from her seat, stretching as though she had solved all of Yoru’s problems. It was the thought that counted. “I gotta go kid, you can go home after this. Astra’s workin’ overtime after missin’ a couple days of work. Get some rest.” She made her way back to the kitchen, and pat Yoru’s shoulder as she walked by.

Well that was certainly something. Yoru didn’t think he’d have a “heart to heart” with his manager, but it wasn’t surprising. Fade cared about her employees, had even threatened a customer harassing a cashier one day, she just had odd ways of showing it. Yoru stuffed the last bite in his mouth and sighed in content after swallowing it. 

He couldn’t wait to go home. 

-

“What’s with the face?” Was the first thing Phoenix asked the moment he walked into their apartment and removed his shoes. 

Yoru looked at him, puzzled. He didn’t think he was showing any type of emotion other than his normal everyday face. “What? What’s wrong with my face.” He asked. 

Phoenix pointed at him, or his face to be exact. “It just looks like somethin’ happened,” he said and set his hand back down on the couch. “Somethin’ go wrong at work?” 

The room went silent with Yoru’s lack of response, the only noise coming from the television. Yoru made his way to the couch and collapsed onto the empty space Phoenix made for him, his legs drawn slightly to his chest so as to not ruin his lying position. “Sage came over.” He admitted nonchalantly when it seemed as though Phoenix expected for him to dodge the question. 

He sat up at the information, almost choking on his own spit in surprise. “What?” He yelled. He grabbed for the remote to turn the volume down. “Did you two get in a fight in the middle of the cafe?” He asked, shuddering at the image of two stubborn people fighting without Jett and him being there as damage control. 

Yoru shook his head. “She came over to apologize.” He said. 

Phoenix stared at him in disbelief, as though he had grown three heads. “She…apologized?” He knew Sage was going to apologize eventually, he didn’t think it’d be alone. He wouldn’t have guessed she'd go as far as to see him at work too. The look on his face failed to disappear at Yoru’s nod. “Do you forgive her?” He asked hesitantly, not knowing how Yoru would react to the question. 

Yoru shrugged. “No.” He replied simply and reached for the remote to turn the volume back up. He told himself he wouldn’t forgive Sage right away if she ever decided to apologize, he knew she would eventually, and despite how she poured her heart out to him he was still dead set on his initial choice. He never actually told Sage whether he accepted her apology or not either, but he knew she was smart enough to take a hint. He’d come around one day, just not any time soon. 

Phoenix settled back into his previous lying position to focus on his show again, still stealing glances at his friend. 

“You can ask more questions, y’know,” Yoru said, his eyes still fixated on the tv. “I don’t care.” He added. 

“Are you glad she apologized?” He asked after pondering over the many questions he wanted to keep to himself at first.

Yoru laughed dryly. “It’s not like I would have cared if she didn’t. I wasn’t hoping for an apology, so there’s nothing to be happy about. I’m more angry that she decided to come to the cafe, what if she decides to come over more often? I’d quit on the spot.” There goes his safe space. The cafe was the only place that allowed him to argue, sleep, eat, and do his homework all in one. Where else could he do all of this if he lost his job? 

“So you aren’t planning on forgiving her?” Phoenix asked. 

“What makes you say I won’t?” It sounded like a challenge, and Yoru wasn’t above befriending someone for the sake of a challenge. He was currently dating Phoenix to please his friends, what’s stopping him from asking for a couple bucks to become buddies with Sage. 

Phoenix scoffed. “With the way you sound I’d be more surprised if you did.” 

“If I wake up one morning in a ‘ forgiving’ mood, then sure. Maybe I’ll go throughout my day and think, wow, today’s such a good day. Maybe I’ll forgive somebody on my people to forgive list,” he joked. “Don’t assume anything yet.” 

Phoenix rolled his eyes. “Of course, I should’ve never doubted Yoru and his unlimited kindness. How stupid of me.” 

Yoru smirked at the sarcasm. “You know me so well.” He replied, ignoring Phoenix’s groan of annoyance. 

Chapter Text

“Remind me what we’re doin’ here again?” Phoenix asked, his hands full of cans of spray paint. 

Yoru picked up a blue can before plucking a lighter blue can from Phoenix’s arms to inspect the colors side by side. “Gettin’ spray paint,” He mumbled before placing the paint he just picked up in Phoenix’s arms and the old can back on the shelf. “Obviously.” He added sarcastically and motioned for Phoenix to follow him down the wall.

The store wasn’t big at all. It was the back of a small shop skaters frequented, because people associated skaters with spray paint for some reason, and it was extremely dark. The overhead lights were dim and the gray walls and floors didn’t do the lighting any favors, he could feel a headache coming on if they stayed any longer. It didn’t help that the speakers boosted whatever crap was on the radio, what a mess. He’d rather walk into the bright clothing store across the mall than navigate the dark. 

Phoenix was only there because Yoru asked if he wanted to do something together since they went to that carnival together, and he wanted to return the favor — as a way to share a small part of his life with his friend as well. Yoru told him the mall was just the first stop but mall trips could go from “just half an hour” to half the day. Especially for spenders like Yoru and Phoenix. 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Phoenix responded and rolled his eyes. He adjusted the pile of cans in his arms and wondered why malls didn’t have baskets to carry their items in, it’d be pretty useful at the moment. “I meant — why are we buying spray paint.” 

Yoru sighed as though Phoenix had asked this question multiple times during their trip to the mall. “You’ll see,” He returned simply and picked up a bright orange can, keeping it in his hands instead of letting Phoenix suffer to balance them all. Yoru stared at the pile in his friend’s arms before nodding. “I think this should be good enough.” He said and walked over to the cash register, a relieved Phoenix trailed after him. 

“You wanna get some pretzels?” Phoenix asked excitedly. When Yoru told him they’d stop at the mall for a little bit he only had one thing in mind: pretzels. It was the only reason he agreed to go shopping, but he didn’t mind walking around the mall either. “It’s on me.” He added and watched the worker bag Yoru’s items. 

Yoru scoffed as he retrieved the bag. “I think I can pay for my own pretzel,” he said. “You don’t needa keep buying stuff for me, y’know.” Phoenix just shrugged at this. His moms always sent him extra cash so he wouldn’t spend his paycheck on stuff like food and clothes, so he always had an excess of money. He didn’t go out much to eat nor did he buy a lot of new clothes — shoes were another thing, so he enjoyed paying for people’s meals. 

“I know,” he said, walking out of the dimly lit store to the bustling hallways of the mall. It felt like they stepped out of a portal, Phoenix would never take lights for granted again. “Can’t I just spoil you?” He asked with a grin. 

Phoenix expected a quick punch to his shoulder so he quickly dodged Yoru’s incoming fist. “You can’t.” Yoru demanded stubbornly and attempted another swing to his friend’s shoulder, which he quickly dodged again. 

“One step ahead of you,” Phoenix sang and ruffled Yoru’s hair. He pouted at how quickly his hands were batted away and stared at Yoru’s messy hair longingly, it was so soft. “It’s nice seein’ your hair down more often.” He said, his eyes still fixed on Yoru’s head, the messy strands now flattened down.

Yoru blushed and did his best to scowl at the confession. “Don’t wanna waste money on gel anymore.” He lied. 

“You should probably redye your hair again,” Phoenix pointed out, still staring. “I don’t see why you don’t just dye all of it.” They made their way to the second floor where the small pretzel booth was. It was always crowded when Phoenix stopped by and today was no different. There was another pretzel place downstairs, a different company, but the glaze wasn’t as good as the ones they sold upstairs. The pretzels were also hard to chew, he never understood why the mall needed two different pretzel shops. 

“Omen and I were scared the dye would ruin my hair so we just did a small section,” Yoru said and stood at the back of the line. He messed around with his dyed bangs before stuffing his hands back in his pockets. “After we were sure my hair wasn’t gonna melt off, he asked if I wanted to dye the rest — I said no, obviously. Now I can’t imagine my hair looking any different.” 

It was a funny memory. Omen, who was a master at disguising his emotions, was uncharacteristically nervous as he held the boxed dye. His shaking hands held the product as he tried to read the instructions again. He told Yoru multiple times that they could just go to a salon and that his parents had no problem paying for the treatment (said parents were currently situated behind the bathroom door and watching in amusement as their son attempted to understand the mechanisms of dye), but Yoru rejected the offer right away. There was no point, it wouldn’t feel as satisfying if someone else did it. 

“You wanna help me dye it?” Yoru asked when he caught Phoenix staring yet again. “You probably have a better understanding of it than Omen does.” He said and glanced at Phoenix’s fading tips. They weren’t as bright as the first time they met a couple months back. 

Phoenix should probably redye them too. 

“Also, your hair isn’t completely dyed. Why’re you getting on my case about it?” Yoru asked, offended. 

Phoenix rolled his eyes. “People get the tips of their hair dyed all the time, who colors their bangs and just leaves it like that?” 

“It’s a trend now,” Yoru replied quickly, defensively. He scoffed and moved a step in line. “You wouldn’t understand.” 

“You wouldn’t understand.” Phoenix mocked playfully, laughing at the glare Yoru threw over his shoulder as he walked up to the counter to order his pretzel. 

-

“Nah, get this,” Phoenix said between the loud chews of his food. Yoru had the urge to tell his friend to swallow before talking but he could let it go just this once. “We went to watch a movie a while back ‘bout this dad who adopted a kid from another country, and towards the end of the movie I hear somebody from our row sniffin’! So I turned to see if it was Jett or somethin’ but I see Brim cryin’ into his bucket of popcorn!” He recalled with a large smile. The movie was, without a doubt, extremely depressing — but he never would’ve guessed that Brimstone would start crying. They walked out of the theaters that day with a distressed KJ trying to calm her sobbing father down. They ended their day off at Brim’s favorite barbecue joint since good food always cheered the older man up. 

Yoru grinned at the thought of someone like Brimstone crying at something like a movie. “As funny as it is, I think it’s kinda sweet.” He said with a shrug. He couldn’t make fun of Brim, it felt illegal. 

Phoenix scoffed. “You only think that ‘cuz he treats you like you’re his kid,” he said, popping another glaze-covered mini pretzel into his mouth. Yoru told him they needed to stop by another store and promised him they could look around for his sneakers after, and he couldn’t say no to the request. Phoenix was currently carrying Yoru’s bag of spray paint as well as a small bag of t-shirts he picked up on their walk over to the store he initially wanted to go to. Why was he even carrying his stuff? Yoru wasn’t holding a single bag aside from his pretzel. “I can’t believe you fell for it.” He finished jokingly.

“You’re just jealous he likes me more than you.” Phoenix couldn’t argue with that. Whenever he stopped by the diner after work Brim never failed to ask where Yoru was. Not a “hello” or a “how was your day,” but a heartbreaking, ‘where’s your boyfriend,’ the world was cruel. When Phoenix brought up his habit of asking about Yoru, the man looked surprised. He didn’t even notice! He half-heartedly apologized for it and promised he’d say hi before asking about his “better” counterpart. Phoenix was sent home that day with a bag of Yoru’s favorite foods for free. 

“I am not easily swayed by his fatherly charms.” If he were talking to a different person, he’d probably make a joke about how he was content with his two moms — but this wasn’t a different person. He couldn’t make a joke about being fatherless to an actual “fatherless” person, it felt wrong. Before he could think of a more appropriate joke to make, Yoru turned into another dimly lit store. Phoenix sighed and prepared himself before making his way inside to see rows of beauty supplies. There were workers in different corners helping out customers try out products Phoenix had never seen before, and he suddenly felt out of place. 

Whenever he went out shopping with his moms they usually never stopped for beauty supplies, and whenever they did, he’d sit outside since the store was too crowded. He felt like an idiot standing at the entrance, and he could see a worker starting to walk towards him with the intention to assist him. Phoenix looked around the room and spotted Yoru in the corner looking at something and sped over to his friend to avoid talking to a worker. When he finally arrived at his friend’s side, he looked at the products Yoru was looking at to see rows of tubes and…pencils? “You wear make-up?” He asked curiously. 

Yoru shook his head. “Just eyeliner.” he replied and plucked a black pencil off the shelf, looking up to see the price. “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed.” He added absentmindedly, now in deep thought about something.

Phoenix glanced at the price and whistled quietly, deciding not to reply to his friend. “That’s…expensive.” He said instead. Phoenix couldn’t believe such a tiny thing could cost so much, that tiny pencil better be able to apply itself if it wanted to cost that much money. 

There was silence between the both of them, Yoru still deep in thought. He scanned the pencil, turning it over in his hands before looking up at the ceiling and then down the aisle. Phoenix watched Yoru put the product down with a sigh. “You’re right, I could probably order it online.” And walked off.

“You sure?” Phoenix asked, but his question was met with a dismissive wave of Yoru’s hand as he walked out of the beauty store. “There might’ve been a cheaper alternative in there, unless there’s a difference between the…eyeliners?” 

Yoru remained quiet as he walked down the hallway to turn the corner. The store was out of sight at this point. 

Was he sad? Phoenix didn’t understand what the silence meant until Yoru shook his arm lightly as if there was something stuck in the sleeve of his jacket. After a quick second of shaking, Yoru held up his hand to reveal the eyeliner he was looking at before putting it away, or at least he thought he did. Phoenix looked at his friend in shock, not believing he just aided his friend in stealing. Well…he didn’t really aid him, but he was there and he was associated with Yoru. He was a criminal. His moms would be so disappointed. 

“Dude!” Phoenix whisper-yelled, pushing Yoru’s hand down. “When’d you snatch that?” He asked, worried. 

Yoru smirked and dropped the product in one of the bags Phoenix was holding. Phoenix definitely didn’t want to be holding any of the bags anymore. “If you didn’t notice then there’s no problem,” Yoru replied calmly. “Now where’d you wanna go?” 

“Do you do this often?” Phoenix questioned nervously, forgetting all about the shoes he wanted to buy. He couldn’t understand how Yoru was so unfazed by his own actions. “Why’re you so calm?” 

“Cypher and I do it all the time,” he said with a smile. “We’d compare everything we stole and declare a winner…Omen hates it though.” But his friend never stopped them from running around and grabbing a keychain or a beanie. He’d just sigh in disappointment and wait for them outside the store, their bags in his hands. 

Yoru and Cypher were a dangerous pair.

 “I don’t think I can stay here any longer,” Phoenix declared, glancing over his shoulder as if security was going to pop out at any minute. “Forget the shoes, let’s just go to…wherever you planned on goin’. Anywhere but here.” He added quickly and dragged Yoru to the parking lot as quickly as he could. Phoenix’s skittishness was probably suspicious in itself, but he could care less. 

“With how scared you are it seems like you stole something.” Yoru joked aloud, but it was quickly met with Phoenix silencing him. 

“Don’t say that so loud!” He whispered. 

Phoenix promised to never go to the mall with Yoru again.

-

“So you expect me to drive but not know where we’re goin?” Phoenix asked.

Yoru, who was on Phoenix’s phone and scrolling through his playlists, nodded. “Yeah? What’s wrong with it,” he asked. “Take the next exit.” He ordered, inflicting a tired sigh from the driver. 

The sun was finally starting to set, their time on the road taking a few hours due to Yoru’s poor directional skills and Phoenix’s inability to follow directions. In Phoenix’s defense, Yoru waited until the last minute to tell him when to change lanes or turn, so it was mostly his friend’s fault. They were better off turning on a GPS. 

“I don’t see why we didn’t just take your bike,” Phoenix said, quickly side-eyeing his friend who was still on his phone. He’d have to grab it when he stopped at a red light. “Or, better yet, you get a car…do you even have a license for a car?” He questioned after realizing he’s never seen Yoru’s license before.

“Obviously,” Yoru replied. “I can’t have a license for my bike if I don’t have a driver’s license. Who learns how to ride a motorcycle before a car? That’s like…learning how to drive a motorcycle before riding a bicycle.” He compared, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Phoenix wasn’t planning on ever owning a motorcycle, what would he know about the world of bikes? 

Pheonix rolled his eyes and exited the freeway as instructed. “Then where’s your car at? I’m gettin’ tired of drivin’ you around when we go somewhere.” Thankfully, at the end of the ramp, was a traffic light that signaled for them to stop. Phoenix took the opportunity to grab his phone out of Yoru’s hands, purposely ignoring the glare that was pointed at him. 

“Why would I buy a car? Who’s paying for it? You ?” Yoru asked once he got over the phone being taken from him. “You wanna spoil me so badly? Get me a car or somethin’...also turn left here.” He finished.

Phoenix groaned at the late instruction. He was definitely driving recklessly, but the streets were strangely empty so he didn’t need to worry about judgmental stares or obnoxious horns. “Jesus, why’s it so quiet here? Where’d you take me? You plannin’ on killing me here?” He asked, the street he turned into now surrounded by an empty field and a few isolated houses. 

“You see that tunnel on the right?” Yoru asked instead of humoring Phoenix’s questions. He pointed to an extremely sketchy tunnel built into a hill. “Go in and follow the road.” 

Phoenix slowed the car down at this. “You wanna… what? Dude, that’s how every horror movie starts. Are you crazy?” Despite the tunnel being there to connect the road they were on to another street, there was no path a car could take to the tunnel. The streets were completely cut off from it, the barren neighborhood they were in didn’t make the scene any better. 

“Can you calm down? All you’ve been doing this entire time is freak out over everything,” Yoru snapped. “Can you have a little bit of faith in me? The tunnel isn’t even that long, I’ve slept in there once. Am I dead? No. Now get in there before someone sees us.” Pheonix kept his mouth shut the rest of the ride into the tunnel, keeping his complaints to himself until he saw the bright light at the end. He knew better than to keep whining after being scolded, and he didn’t want to get on Yoru’s nerves before the day’s ended. 

True to his word, the tunnel wasn’t anything special. It wasn’t very long, Phoenix could bet it had an amazing personality, and so it wasn’t all that dark even in the middle of it. It’d probably change the later it got into the day but he could see a couple of old lights on the ceiling so he was hoping they’d turn on once it got too dark. 

“The end of this is connected to the Main Street but you can just park behind the bushes,” Yoru said, to which Phoenix complied. His car was now in the space between the large bushes and hill the tunnel was carved into, perfectly hidden from the few cars that drove past the run down tunnel. He quickly killed the engine and followed Yoru out of the car, who was quick to take off his seatbelt and head for the bags in the backseat of his car. “I used to come here a lot when I was younger, when I first learned how to ride my bike. Omen would come with me but…he got busy.” 

Busy was a weird way to say Omen was too busy sucking his boyfriend’s face off. Phoenix made a face at the thought, he didn’t need to think about that. “What would you two do in a tunnel?” He asked, hoping Yoru wouldn’t say something dirty. He did not need to know about the freaky shit that would go down in there, especially since he was now going into that very tunnel with Yoru. 

“You haven’t put two and two together yet?” Yoru asked, shutting the door and starting to make his way in. 

Phoenix stared at the bag of spray paint before it dawned on him. “Oh,” he said simply, following behind Yoru deeper into the tunnel. Despite its obvious neglect, it wasn’t all that dirty. “We aren’t gonna get in trouble, right?” He asked nervously. 

Yoru scoffed in disbelief but decided not to yell at him this time. Phoenix was, understandably, nervous. The only crime he’s probably ever committed was cheating on a test. “Maybe,” Yoru admitted truthfully. “The cops don’t ever chase people here, if they even come down, but we’re still gonna need to book it. When I say run, you run. Got it?” Phoenix gulped, not believing what he was hearing. He took Yoru on a fun outing to a carnival, and Yoru takes him out to break a couple of laws? This wasn’t a cute date at all (it wasn’t a date).

After another quick moment of walking, Yoru finally stopped in front of a part of the tunnel that was already tagged. Phoenix stared in awe at the artwork, the graffiti going from simple lettering to cute doodles of characters from shows he’s watched. “This is three years of work,” Yoru said, drawing Phoenix’s attention away from the wall. “I wanted to bring you here since you brought me to that carnival. You said it meant a lot to you so…yeah. It’s not as great as expensive foods and broken rides but this place means a lot to me.” Although the tunnel’s lighting was horrendous, he could still make out the faint blush on Yoru’s face. 

Phoenix’s face warmed up at the confession and hoped it wasn’t obvious he was flustered. “These are amazing,” He whispered in awe, thanking the Gods that his voice didn’t crack. “All of this was made by you?” 

Yoru shook his head and pointed to a sloppy and crooked tag near the bottom of the tunnel walls. “Omen tried it out a couple of times but he hated working with spray paint. He’d come here just to watch me work,” Yoru recalled fondly, still staring at the dried paint. He placed a hand on the writing and traced the word slowly. “He used to.” Yoru added quickly. 

Phoenix swallowed at the sight, the immediate feeling of jealousy hitting him like a storm. “What’s it say?” He asked when he found his voice. His throat felt like it was closing up. 

“Not found,” Yoru replied with a smile. “Sounds stupid, right? It’s the title of a Japanese song we listened to all the time but you can barely read it. He’s fuckin’ terrible at graffiti.” His small laugh echoed in the tunnel. Before Phoenix could reply, Yoru set down his bag to grab two cans. 

“Now it’s your turn,” Yoru said and shook the cans before holding them out for Phoenix to take. “I won’t make fun of you if you suck…not today, at least.” He joked with a smirk. 

“Very comforting,” Phoenix replied with a forced smile, taking two cans of spray paint in his hands and turning to stare at the blank wall waiting for him to mark up. It was intimidating, as if it were challenging him. “I dunno how to start.” He admitted, embarrassed. 

There was rustling next to Phoenix and he turned to see Yoru fish out an orange, red, and yellow can. “Don’t think, just feel. You’re not here to get critiqued, just do whatever you want,” he said and uncapped the orange spray can. “You can do that graffiti assignment we did in calligraphy, I remember you were proud of it.” He added, taking his phone out of his pocket and turning on music, effectively ending their conversation and focusing on his own piece. 

Phoenix stared at the wall again, trying to remember that stupid project from a few years ago. “Can’t believe you remember it,” Phoenix said and tested the nozzle of his can out, not expecting for the paint to spray so quickly. “Haven’t thought about that class since we graduated.” Phoenix’s graffiti project was, according to their teacher, his best work. He didn’t take offense to that, knowing most of his assignments were half-assed and the only reason he put effort into his graffiti project was because it was the last assignment for that class. 

The project was for every student to pick out a word that gave them hope and encouragement, or something that reminded them of those emotions; and Phoenix chose the word “breathe” as a way to remind him to slow down. Their teacher told them they could make their own font or look something up online, Phoenix obviously chose to use an existing font, and they had to draw a background or make the word pop-out. He can’t remember what he did for that assignment, but he remembers being praised for his hard work and he spent the last few days of that class parading his work around. 

“It’s hard not to remember,” Yoru replied, already making good progress on his side. “Our teacher hung it up and everything.” 

Phoenix chuckled at the memory. “I wonder if it’s still up there,” high school was far behind him, but thinking about the mark he’d left on the school felt bittersweet. From big achievements like the trophies he’d acquired as vice captain of the soccer team to something as small as his shitty art project being hung up on their teacher’s wall; everything that showed he was there, at school and making memories, was left behind the moment he graduated. “I doubt it.” He added. 

Yoru stopped his work just to catch the sad smile placed on his friend’s face. He sighed before continuing to paint. “A lot of my art was put in the yearbook or submitted for contests by my teachers,” Yoru recalled bitterly. “I remember hating it, especially since they’d keep my art as an example for future students. I’d watch them place it in a pile of other students’ works that they deemed were perfect for the yearbook or a good example for students. I didn’t care that I wasn’t actually all that special, I just wanted my art back. All that time and effort for a stupid grade and nothing else — that’s why I like coming here. Even though no one’s going to actually see any of this, I know it’s safe from being taken. No one’s gonna tear down this tunnel or even bother cleaning up the walls, that’d take too long, so now I have years of progress and memories here, all for me to look back on.” 

The sound of cans shaking, the hiss of bottles, and Yoru’s music echoed throughout the tunnel. Phoenix couldn’t help but feel calm despite their situation. “Didn’t think you could say somethin’ so comforting,” he joked. “Thanks, by the way, for takin’ me here…and puttin’ up with my whinin’.”

Yoru laughed softly. “You have nothing to thank me for.” 

It goes quiet again, the rest of their day spent quietly finishing up their art. There were occasional insults thrown at each other, more from Yoru who would stop working to look at Phoenix’s progress, as well as soft humming when a song they liked came on. It wasn’t until Phoenix stepped back to take in his work did he realize how dark the tunnel had gotten. It wasn’t quite night yet, but it was starting to get hard to see, so he decided he was finished. 

He turned to call Yoru over and check his art out but the sight of Yoru’s work took his breath away. 

“You like it?” Yoru asked once he caught Phoenix staring. “I wrote Omen’s name when I brought him over here for the first time, so I thought I’d do the same for you.” 

Phoenix took a step back to take in the full piece. “It’s amazing.” He whispered.

He could hear Yoru chuckle at his quick response before the sounds of the spray cans being put away pulled him out of his trance. “Your’s doesn’t look too bad either.” Yoru said as he cleaned up their mess.

“You’re sayin’ that to be nice.” 

“I’m being honest, it looks a lot better than your assignment.” 

This made Phoenix gasp. “Are you saying my original piece was bad?” 

“Uh…yeah?” 

Unbelievable. Yoru wouldn’t know what good art was even if it hit him in the face. Whatever, he wouldn’t waste his time convincing his friend that his graffiti assignment belonged in museums. He helped Yoru out with cleaning up the last few cans before looking at the wall again. “Why isn’t Cypher’s name here? Aren’t you two friends?”

This made Yoru pause. “Of course we are, I just never found the right time to take him here,” This was a lie. The reason he brought Phoenix to the tunnel was the same reason he brought Omen along. He just couldn’t tell Phoenix that. Yoru sat against the wall of the tunnel, making sure his back wasn’t directly against the drying paint. “I’ll add him to the wall another time.” He’s known Cypher for five years, he could’ve added him a long time ago; but that wasn’t the point. 

“I’m honored to be here, then,” Phoenix quipped with a smile, taking a seat next to Yoru. They basked in the darkness of the tunnel, and Yoru turned the music down slightly. “That song Omen tagged on the wall, what’s it about?” 

This prompted Yoru to grab his phone and change the song. “I want to be deceived by love’s wonderful lie,” he said. “Is a translation to one of the lyrics. Showed Omen this song when we uh…” 

Yoru hesitated. “Have I told you we’ve dated before?” He asked quietly. 

If it weren’t for the acoustics of the tunnel, as well as the both of them being practically shoulder to shoulder, he probably wouldn’t have caught the confession. Not that it mattered, he’s already heard from Omen. “You haven’t.” He replied. This wasn’t the right time to admit he got this info from his ex-boyfriend.

“It was…complicated,” Yoru began again. “We eventually broke it off, but this was the last thing Omen tagged before we decided to stay friends. Guess it spoke to him.” He finished with a small chuckle. 

It wasn’t a very convincing sound, there wasn’t a hint of joy or sarcasm in it; it was void of anything. Phoenix couldn’t blame him, though, there was nothing to laugh about. As desperately as Phoenix wanted to comfort him, Yoru still isn’t aware he knows about everything. “Whatever happened between you two probably wasn’t your fault, especially since you guys are still good friends,” Phoenix nudges Yoru softly. “Omen should be honored that he got to call you his boyfriend.” Phoenix felt himself light up at the way Yoru laughs, obviously embarrassed but delighted at the praise. 

“You wouldn’t know, though, what happened — but it’s nice to hear from you.” 

“Yeah, of course. I’m here when you’re ready to talk about it.” It was a promise. 

Yoru finally looked up, to see that Phoenix was already staring. If he just leaned in a little closer, closed the gap between them, maybe he could’ve worked up the courage to kiss his friend. Even if it meant soiling their developing friendship, even if it meant he’d be alone again. “Phoenix I…” his words were cut short at the echoing footsteps at the end of the tunnel, a dim light barely reaching them. “Fuck — cops.” Yoru cursed, disappointed his small surge of confidence was wasted. He had no time to sink in it, quickly jumping to his feet and dragging Phoenix up by his hand. 

“What are you doing! Run!” He questioned, taking off with Phoenix’s hand still in his, not caring that his friend had barely found his footing before he was dragging him across the tunnel back to his car. 

If Phoenix wasn’t starstruck after being in such close proximity to the person he’s been panicked over, he probably would’ve been yelling at Yoru about putting him in danger again; but he couldn’t find it in him to do so. Not when the thrill and rush of everything felt so… real . He felt like a teenager again, like he wasn’t turning 21 soon and it was about time for him to take his future seriously. Being with Yoru felt exciting, and he’d bask in the few minutes of youth the chase brought to him. 

-

Thankfully, in his attempt to catch up to Yoru before they made their way into the tunnel, the car was left unlocked. Phoenix made quick work of starting his car and speeding back into the street, hopefully finding a group of cars he could blend in with. Yoru doubted the cops would go as far as chase them, but it was always nice to be safe. 

“That was,” Phoenix panted, still tired from the run. “Insane.” He finished dumbly, not knowing how else to describe their night. 

Yoru grinned. “See? Nothing to worry about,” he said and drew in a long breath to steady his breathing before breaking into a fit of laughter. “You should’ve seen your face. I’ve never seen you so scared.” 

Phoenix blushed at this. If he wasn’t driving he would’ve attempted to strangle his friend. “Whatever, you have a shit reaction time,” he barked back. “They coulda caught up to us!” 

“Now why is that my fault? When was I given the job to be on the lookout? That should’ve been on you.” Yoru bit back, a grin still on his face. 

“You always find a way to spin it on poor ol’ me,” Phoenix playfully cried. “What’d I do to deserve such hostility.” 

The rest of the ride out of the neighborhood consisted of small talk, both boys too tired to keep arguing. 

It wasn’t until Yoru checked his phone did he feel his heart speed up. 

‘I need to talk to you. It’s about your mom.’ A text from his dad. 

It was a simple text, and Yoru found himself staring at it. Rereading it over and over again, as if he’d find an explanation.

‘She’s not my mom.’ He quickly sent back, breaking his promise to never contact him again. He didn’t know why he decided today of all days was the right time to text back. 

The response must’ve surprised Yoru’s dad as much as it surprised Yoru. The text bubble appeared and disappeared, like his father wasn’t expecting an answer so soon. 

‘I’m not talking about her.’ 

Yoru felt his heart drop. 

Chapter Text

When Yoru thought about the inevitable day he’d finally see his mother again, he didn’t think he’d be standing in front of a makeshift shrine in honor of her memory. 

He thought a lot about what would have happened once they reunited. What he would've done, what would have been said.

When Yoru was a kid he’d imagine running into her arms, as though he always fit there; like she’d never left. She’d wipe the tears off his face and tell him she was back from work or a trip. That she wasn’t leaving him again. 

As a teenager, Yoru wanted her to hurt the way he did. He imagined his mother begging for forgiveness, and he’d give her the cold shoulder. He’d spout words that were meant to destroy her, in the same way being born destroyed him. No insult or hateful look in his eyes would be enough to sate years of pain, but eventually — unsurprisingly — he’d forgive her. She was his mother after all, and that’s all he’d ever wanted growing up. 

But he was almost twenty-one, and he was standing inside of the same house he ran away from almost six years ago. In front of a picture of his mother he’d never seen before. 

And he felt nothing. 

Phoenix, who offered to drive him and was currently parked outside the house, had asked him about how he felt when the silence got too loud — when Yoru seemed to disappear into the passenger’s seat. 

He told him he didn’t know. That he didn’t feel anything. 

Yoru would turn the volume of the radio up after that, to drown out the occasional glances pointed at him. He’d have to thank Phoenix for driving him over, he didn’t feel like riding his bike over to his dad’s house. It’d spark too many questions. 

The house was just as quiet as the car ride, both Yoru and his father unable to look each other in the eyes. “So uh…” Yoru began with a cough. “Where’s your…wife.” He asked awkwardly, not knowing what else to call her. He didn’t want to make small talk, but the least he could do was act like he cared. His father lost his ex-wife just as he had lost his mother.

There was a slight shuffle coming from beside him. “I know how you feel about her so she’s out with Jun right now…” he replied. The brat he called a younger brother, of course. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable so I told her it was best if they go out for a while.”

Hearing his father worry about him felt extremely out of character. “Being here makes me uncomfortable,” Yoru cut in swiftly, coldly, to correct him. The house felt different from the last time he’d been there. The once plain walls were now decorated with family pictures that Yoru wasn’t in. It felt as though he had never lived there in the first place, like he was never part of the “Kiritani” household. “Being around you is uncomfortable.” He added, making sure to emphasize the word. 

Seeing his father now, after so many years, felt foreign. It was disturbing, finally realizing that the monster in front of Yoru was capable of understanding something as complex as love. That the very person that drove him away from his own home was able to welcome a whole new family into it, as if Yoru was holding him back from getting better. 

It was even stranger to see that his father finally ditched the black hair dye, and finally embraced the physicalities that came with growing old; to see the once distant look in his eyes be filled with such softness that Yoru longed to see as a child. As jarring as the image was, Yoru always failed to remember how young his father was when he had to take care of a child all on his own. Sometimes, deep down, Yoru could find a glimmer of sympathy left for his dad. Sympathy he was able to stomp down with ease, he didn’t deserve it.

“I understand,” his father whispered. “But I wanted to see you again, and I wish it could’ve been under better circumstances.” Yoru felt his blood boil. 

“There are no better circumstances,” he spat. “I never wanted to see you again.” If these words affected his father, Yoru would never know. Instead the man simply smiled at him, accepting the hostility with open arms. If Yoru acted like this as a kid, he would’ve found himself barricading his bedroom door as his father pounded his fist against it, demanding he be let in as Yoru cried apology after apology. He was just a boy. 

Yoru wondered if his father’s new son, Jun, had ever gone through the same. If the brat ever had to clean up the alcohol left in the living room, pulling his father up from the floor and dragging him back into his room, tearfully listening to apologies that never sounded like they were meant for him. 

Or maybe Jun was born lucky.

“I hope,” his father began, inhaling a shaky breath. “I hope you don’t think badly of your mother…she truly did love you.” 

What would he know about love? What would he know about how his mother felt? 

“Then where is she?” Yoru asked without hesitation. “If she loved me so much, where is she?” He repeated. The adrenaline he felt gave him the courage to finally look his father in the eyes, after years of looking away from them. 

Yoru remembered doing an assignment in his eighth grade art class, and the only instructions was to draw a family member. His only option was his father, as everyone on his mother’s side cut them off and he couldn’t remember what his father's parents looked like. They didn’t like calling…or never cared to ask about Yoru, but he didn’t mind. They never had anything nice to say.

It wasn’t a surprise to see he failed the project. 

Although Yoru drew his father’s head and his work attire, he left his eyes blank. No matter how hard he tried to picture his father’s face, it always came out as a blank slate. Now, after twenty years of keeping his head down, was he able to actually look at his father. 

Yoru didn’t look anything like his mother. 

If Yoru had been alone during this revelation, he would’ve broken down at the fact. He was almost a spitting image of the man he had nightmares about, of the man that ruined him. 

His father sighed before turning to stare at the picture frame. “When we found out she was pregnant I was…I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t mind having a kid but your mother,” he trailed off, trying to piece his words together in a way to soften the blow. “She wasn’t ready to raise a child, and so I supported this decision — it wasn’t my choice, after all.”

Hearing that his mother never wanted him should’ve hurt, but Yoru was too tired to feel the emotion. He had a sneaking suspicion as a teenager that he wasn’t planned, he already prepared himself for the crushing reality. It probably would’ve hurt more if those words came from his mother. 

“She needed her space, and so we separated for a while,” he reached out for the photo to hold it in his hand, tracing the outline of a woman he once loved years ago. Yoru wondered what would have happened if he were never born, wondered if his parents would have stayed together. They could’ve been happy together, or maybe they would’ve found someone better. “A couple months passed and she admitted she couldn’t go through with her decision and wanted to start a family, but I knew her parents had made this decision for her — why else do they never call? I tried my best to make the process easier, I wanted to show her that I was there for her…and for a while, everything was fine…sometimes I’d watch her place a hand on her belly and she’d have this look in her eyes that held nothing but love for you…other days she’d look out the window with her hands clenched, and I couldn’t find anything in her gaze. As if she couldn’t feel anything.” He finished wistfully. A feeling Yoru understood all too well.

Yoru watched his father place the photo down on the shrine. The action was so gentle, as though the picture were a living being. Whenever Yoru caught his father staring at a picture of his mother as a kid, he would quickly stuff the photo back into his wallet without much care. It was a miracle the picture was able to stay intact for so long, he wouldn't be surprised if it had finally ripped. “So what, she just…didn’t want me?” He asked bitterly. 

“She didn’t know what she wanted,” his father answered truthfully. “But I know, more than anyone, if things were different, she would’ve loved you. Until the very end.” 

“Would’ve, huh?” Yoru asked under his breath. It would remain unanswered as two strangers stood in the same room. If there was ever a time where he forgave his father, that day wouldn’t be anytime soon. 

Especially since he finally knew what real parents were.

He had Omen’s parents, who never once questioned why the empty guest room was occupied by their son’s best friend nor asked for anything in return. They went on with their lives as if he’d always lived there, and if Omen explained his prior living conditions, they knew he wouldn’t want them to pity him.

And now, he had Brimstone. He never saw Omen’s parents as his own parental figures (especially since they were so young and it felt like he was talking to two friends…dating Omen was probably the biggest reason) so meeting Brimstone was definitely very healing. Whenever Yoru was out on his own, he’d stop by Brim’s diner to talk or just say hello; but the older man would quickly sit him down and complain about how late it was, and that seeing Yoru on a motorcycle was not good for his heart (Brim explained he’d gotten into an accident on his bike, and although he still loved the vehicle he was never taking his chances again. He’d let Yoru off with a warning, but knew he couldn't stop him from continuing to ride his bike). 

He should probably talk to Brim after this now that he was thinking about him. 

“How have you been?” His father asked once the conversation went cold, a smile of anticipation on his face. Was he really expecting Yoru to humor his small talk? “How’s college? As well as your friend…Omen, was it? I want to hear everything you’ll allow me to know.” Too many questions, far too many hopes. Who gave him the audacity to care? 

“I’ve been okay, Omen’s fine, school is school.” He replied curtly. 

His father nodded happily at the vague answers, holding onto them as if he’d learned everything there is to know about him. “Have you found a girlfriend? Someone you like?” He questioned again. 

Yoru paused at the question.

He wasn’t scared of telling him what his sexuality was; if it turned out his father wasn’t accepting then that meant another reason to cut ties with him. Which didn’t sound like a bad idea. “No, actually,” he began. From the corner of his eyes he could see his father deflate disappointedly at the answer but quickly regained his posture. Why would he even care? “But there’s a guy I’ve been talking to.” He added, studying his father’s face carefully.

He was expecting his face to slowly morph into disgust; waited for the repulsed step back and raised fists. It’s not like Yoru wanted his father to get physical, but it would mean he could finally walk out of the house. Yoru braced himself for the incoming negativity, only to be met with his father’s unchanging expression. That stupid smile was glued onto him and he looked…proud. “Aren’t you going to say something?” Yoru asked puzzled. “You’re not gonna yell at me? Chase me out of the house or something?” He probably shouldn’t be starting so many arguments in front of his dead mother’s shrine but it didn’t matter. It was just a picture and some candles that’d be taken down in the near future, what was the point of being polite anymore? 

“Is that what you expected from me?” His father questioned sadly, but it didn’t sound like he was trying to make him feel guilty for thinking in such a way. “I’m really happy to hear that you’ve found someone you like, really. I don’t think I should have a say in what you do anymore, it feels wrong.” 

Yoru furrowed his brows. “You’re not lying?” 

His father shook his head as he chuckled. “What has lying ever done for anyone?” He asked and quickly glanced at the picture of his mother. Yoru didn’t understand the look. 

“I think,” Yoru spoke hesitantly. He wanted to tell his father about how happy he’d been because of the dumb lie between him and Phoenix, that lying was the reason he was happy; but he knew that wasn’t true. Everything that had made him happy quickly turned to be a lie, and it destroyed him more than it gave him peace; his mother, his father, Omen, Cypher, now Phoenix. “I think it depends on the lie.” 

This garnered a tiny look of curiosity from his father. “Depends on the lie?” He repeated, astonished at the words. “Isn’t the act itself bad?” 

Yoru didn’t feel like having this conversation with him. Not when the front door was right there. “If the truth hurts, then why not lie?” A practice Yoru wasn’t very skilled in, but he appreciated when people cared enough to not want to hurt his feelings. He didn’t understand this but if other people wanted to save face, then who was he to judge. 

“There is one thing I want to know,” Yoru started quietly. “Why…why’d you treat me the way you did? What’d I do wrong?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

His father looked surprised at the confrontation. This wasn’t a question most parents had with their kids, Yoru wouldn’t be surprised if his father denied ever even hurting him. “I’m guessing you want the truth?” His father asked, to which Yoru nodded. After a beat of silence he finally spoke. “I don’t know.” He finally said, ashamed. 

“What?” Yoru questioned in disbelief, his eyes glossing over once he processed the pathetic answer. “You made my life miserable for years — and you don’t even know why?” He asked with a scoff, a weak smile on his face to try and force himself to laugh at the situation. He couldn’t believe it.

His father shook his head. “I was young—”

“No,” Yoru cut in. “No — you don’t get to treat me like shit for half of my life and then try and excuse it on you being young.”

“I’m not trying to excuse it.” His father replied quickly in an attempt to calm him down.

“Then why would you even say that!” He questioned. 

“Have you ever considered how hard it was for me?” His father cried, unable to control himself from lashing out. Yoru paused once he saw a tear fall down his father’s cheek, he didn’t understand why he was crying. “To lose the love of my life, take up multiple jobs to support you as an only parent, move to a country and learn a new fucking language — I was seventeen! When I had you! And I was only twenty-four when we moved here! I was stressed and scared.” He ended shakily.

Silence. 

Yoru swallowed the lump in his throat. “Then why didn’t you just give me up?” He asked. 

His father shrugged, unable to stop the few stray tears from falling. “I did it for your mother,” he confessed and rubbed his eyes. “But then one day, I came home from work, and I saw you stumble over to me. I gotta see you walk for the first time that day and you smiled at me and I…I wanted to love you, and I do. You’re my son.” 

He wasn’t going to be swayed by his father’s words, not when he was left in the dark for so long. He had loved his father too, at one point. It was his father’s turn to experience not getting any love back. “I can’t do this anymore,” Yoru said, rushing past his father to grab his boots and walk out the house. “I can’t…don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t try and reach out to me. You may think I’m your son but you’re not my father.” He opened the door and slammed it shut, and ran out the house barefoot. He wouldn’t stay to watch his father lower himself onto his knees and cry, it wasn’t his job to comfort him. 

-

Phoenix, lost in his own mind, wasn’t expecting the furious knocks on his window. The sudden surprise caused him to drop his phone, and he cursed under his breath now that the device was somewhere under his chair. He looked out the window to see Yoru waiting for him to unlock the door.

Once the sound of the lock was heard, Yoru forced his way into the passenger’s seat and slammed the door shut, locking his door before Phoenix could do it manually. “Didn’t go too well?” Phoenix asked when Yoru sunk into his seat with a frown. 

The response wasn’t immediate, and Phoenix watched as his friend searched for an answer. “I look like my father.” 

That wasn’t the answer he was expecting. 

“Sorry?” He replied in confusion, hoping there would be some sort of elaboration to such an odd statement. 

“I look like my father,” Yoru repeated but slower. Phoenix couldn’t interrupt him with a snide comment or a little jab, not when Yoru was looking out the windshield blankly. It wasn’t time for jokes. “He — he’s a fucking asshole, and I look just like him. I don’t necessarily like my mom but I couldn’t have taken a single fuckin’ feature from her? Her nose, her lips, her eyes for fuck’s sake!” He yelled. He didn’t care that the car hadn’t moved from its spot, he told Phoenix not to park in front of his father’s house so that his father wouldn’t notice his friend’s Jeep parked in front of the house and ask questions.

“Is that all you’re angry about?” Phoenix asked slowly, not knowing how to react. 

“It’s not that I’m angry,” Yoru began before he paused, maybe he was angry. “I just…am I a bad person?” He asked quietly.

“What?”

“My mom wasn’t exactly a great parent but the way people talked about her…she sounded amazing,” Everyone in his old neighborhood would recall stories of his mother with a fond smile, they’d talk about the girl in the neighborhood that picked up trash on the weekends and worked at the little convenience store around the corner. She had a lovely voice and performed a lot on the streets for the fun of it. Everytime he asked around about his mother, they never seemed to comment on the fact that she had abandoned Yoru. Of course, Yoru was too young to understand that it was weird that they never pitied him for this, but hearing people talk about his mom like she hung the stars gave him hope that she was nice enough to come back for him. “And my dad was right, if things were different then maybe she would’ve loved me. She would’ve been an amazing mom, and I hate that I don’t look like her. Does that mean I’m just like my dad? Or that I’ll end up like him?” He asked. 

That was a lot to unpack for Phoenix, a little too much if he were being honest. “Just ‘cuz you look like him doesn’t mean anything.” He replied cautiously. 

There probably wasn’t a right answer to Yoru’s outburst, but he truly had no idea how to comfort his friend. “I spent so long trying to forget him — and I did. I can’t even remember the last time I had a father,” Yoru said. “And now? Everytime I look in the mirror I’m just gonna see him.”

A sigh from Yoru at his lack of response was all Phoenix needed to finally start the car and drive away. There would be no comfort from him, not when Phoenix couldn’t understand his problem. “Can we go to Brim’s?” Yoru asked quietly, now leant against the door to stare out the window as they passed by the house. There was a new car in the driveway, two people stepped out of the passenger’s and driver’s seat, a large smile on their faces and three drinks in their hands. 

His father didn’t need him to look back as he rushed out of the house. 

Kiritani Takumi had a son, and it wasn’t Yoru. 

-

The bell of Brim’s diner chimed to alert the girls at the counter that someone had entered. KJ stopped her conversation with her friends to meet the customers only to be met with a worried looking Phoenix and a disheveled Yoru. The latter stared blankly out the window, not sparing anyone a glance as they walked in. “Phoenix! What’re you doing here?” She asked, alerting the three girls who hadn’t turned around; Sage, Jett, and Raze.

“Hey man! Long time no see!” Raze yelled in greeting. “It’s almost been two weeks since we last saw each other! How’ve you been?”

Phoenix smiled. He’d answer her questions once he took care of Yoru. “As much as I wanna talk I gotta ask if Brim’s here? Yoru’s gotta ask him ‘bout uh — bike stuff.” 

KJ frowned at this. “Dad’s going back to riding?” She asked. “I dunno how to feel about that.” 

At this, the door to the kitchen swung open. Brimstone stood there, his apron still tied around his waist. He scanned the crowd until his eyes met Yoru’s and nodded. “I promised I wouldn’t ride a bike again KJ, I don’t break promises,” he motioned for Yoru to follow him. “But I still need to talk to him in private.”

Yoru walked past Phoenix at this, pausing slightly when he felt his friend’s hand find its way to the small of his back to comfort him. He glanced at his friend and gave him a small, shaky, grin. Phoenix lit up at this, and removed his hand as he kept walking on. 

Without another glance at the girls at the counter, except for a glimpse of a worried look from Sage, he made his way into the kitchen and followed Brimstone to his small office in the back. He plopped himself down on the soft couch and felt the cushion dip once Brimstone sat at his side.

“What’s got you worked up kid?” He asked once Yoru settled comfortably onto the couch, his legs drawn to his chest and his chin resting on top of his knees. “Was it Phoenix?” Yoru shook his head at the question, and felt his heart throb at the tone of Brimstone’s voice. It was so soft, as though the older man was talking to his son.

“My dad,” he replied and didn’t need to look up to see Brimstone’s face turn cold. The man knew about his life as a kid since Yoru shared small snippets of it when he couldn’t keep it in anymore. To say Brimstone hated his father was an understatement, he absolutely despised him. “He texted me and told me my mother passed away…my biological mother.” He added.

Brimstone’s face softened at this, and he placed a large hand on Yoru’s back. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He said.

Yoru just shrugged. “Don’t be, I don’t think I care all that much…it’s not like I feel this way ‘cuz she’s gone,” he couldn’t say dead, it all felt unreal. “Seeing my dad again was…a lot.” 

At the words, Yoru could feel Brimstone’s thumb gently massage his back, the motion close to his nape. “I bet it was.” He added to fill in the silence. 

“And I asked him about my mom and stuff, told me she didn’t even want me,” he said with a chuckle, and he felt his eyes tear up at the thought of the conversation. “And I don’t care — but he told me loved me, and I couldn’t…it didn’t feel right.” 

Yoru thought back to his father’s new family getting ready to go back home. “It sounded so genuine, it was everything I would’ve wanted as a kid but,” he wasn’t going to cry. If he was able to stay stoic in front of his father, he can stay calm in front of Brim. “He hurt me but his life’s been amazing. He’s happy now, and he doesn’t even deserve it, I do — I can’t even live life normally after everything he did to me and he gets to just…move on? It’s not fair.” He must’ve sounded like a child, whining about other kids getting better presents than him. It was humiliating. 

Despite his attitude, Brimstone didn’t laugh or make fun of him. “Don’t you think you’ve found your happiness?” He asked softly, feeling Yoru relax under his touch. “Don’t you think you’ve found your reason to stay?” The same words Yoru had told them when they first announced their relationship and talked a little bit about his life.

Hearing it again forced Yoru to assess the relationships he’d made over the years. The close bond with Omen and Cypher to the familial relationship he had with Brimstone, and just the thought of everyone sparked a warm feeling in his chest. It wasn’t until he thought about Phoenix did he feel himself start to smile, an action Brimstone was able to catch. 

“I’m guessing I was right?” He teased and chuckled when Yoru blushed. “I don’t wanna say that you’re happy, that isn’t something I can decide, but you’ve definitely found your reason for it.”

Yoru tapped his fingers against his knees. “What if none of this lasts? Once Phoenix and I decide to end our…plan and Omen and Cypher decide to leave? Then what?” He asked softly. 

“I’ll always be here for you,” Brimstone responded immediately, with a finality in his voice that had Yoru unable to stop the tears from rolling down his face. “You know that.” He added, and wrapped his arm around Yoru’s shoulders to pull him into his side. 

For the first time in his twenty years of living, Yoru was able to say he got to cry on his father’s shoulder. 

He buried his face against Brimstone’s arm and cried, apologizing in between sobs about dirtying the man’s shirt. 

He just shook his head. “It’s just a shirt,” Brimstone said. “I can get a new one.” 

Yoru doesn’t know how long he’d been crying for, and what exactly he was crying about, but he didn’t want to move from his seat. Not when Brimstone was still holding onto him and humming softly, running a hand up and down his arm comfortingly. “You good over there?” He asked once Yoru had quieted down.

Yoru nodded in response, his face still against Brimstone’s arm. “Yeah, I think I’m fine,” he said, his voice muffled. “Thanks dad.” He paused once he caught what he’d said, and hoped his voice was too muffled for Brimstone to hear. 

Before he could apologize for his mistake, he heard Brimstone chuckle. “I like the sound of that,” he said. “Anytime, kid.” 

That was all Yoru needed to hear before breaking out into a small smile.

Maybe it was time to accept the fact that he could finally be happy. 

Chapter Text

I know I said I hate chapters that aren’t updated but I seriously need to edit this fic 😭😭 like- badly.

My writing, as well as my English, has improved a lot over the years (especially since it’s officially been a year since I first started this fic) and going back through everything is super…cringey djakfjekfjdn 

I completely changed how Phoenix talks halfway, there’s some plot points I kinda jumbled up, the grammar is ugh. 

I might also change the name of this fic? It’s super fuckin long and its a pain to have to write out in twt and shit, so expect that in the future (who knows)

I’ll be using the rest of this month to fix everything up (as well as maybe January) so the update might not be exactly a month from the last update. I might update at the end of January instead of the middle of it :”)))) but yeah ! I’ll finally be editing this fic and I just wanted to give u guys a heads up! There might be new dialogue and scenes in the old chapters so if u ever feel like rereading this fic u might find some new things here and there lolol like Easter eggs. 

Anyways yeah !! Tysm for reading this little note and I hope you had an amazing Christmas. Happy new years ! Here’s to an amazing 2023 for all of us <3

Chapter Text

The rest of the day, as well as the couple days after Yoru's mother’s passing, were spent in silence. 

Although he’d told everyone he didn’t care too much about the news, he had woken up one night with the sudden urge to cry. He didn’t expect to mourn so suddenly, nor did he think he even felt the need to. No tears were shed that night, as he had expected, but he still found himself outside of his bedroom and walking to the living room where Phoenix had been watching a show on the old pull out couch. The bright light from the device illuminated his friend’s face, and Yoru could make out the dazed look on him. There was no way to tell if he was genuinely watching whatever was on the T.V or debating if he should just call it a night. 

Phoenix never enjoyed the task of setting up the built-in bed for the couch, but they had finally ordered a new couch one night and he wanted to bask in the furniture’s last few days of being around. The purchase was made impulsively, it was done on a random night where Yoru found himself unable to sleep. Phoenix, who had a horrid sleep schedule and didn’t mind entertaining him, invited him over to the couch where they spent the rest of their night browsing through various online furniture stores. 

They’d found a nice gray couch that could fit the living room space, but upon further inspection, the sofa was also another pull out couch. 

Phoenix decided he didn’t want to worry about canceling the order since they had found themselves ordering much more than just the couch, a lot of the furniture was for Yoru’s room but they had found a nice coffee table for the living room. The one they were currently using was poorly built, since the instructions were in another language and the pictures seemed easy enough to follow. If the table swayed from side to side and it felt a little lopsided, that was not the fault of the two former roommates who built the table. 

It was a nice night, and Yoru couldn’t help but make his way over to his friend once again. It felt like a new nightly routine, but he knew it was only a matter of time before his “mourning” phase ended and he couldn’t keep seeking out Phoenix like this. It felt wrong, his friend could be asleep (or enjoying whatever was on T.V) but he was stuck looking out for someone that…didn’t even feel all too sad. Yoru had yet to mention his mother’s passing to Omen, especially since he was currently swamped in assignments and projects, so he couldn’t annoy his friend about his problems just yet. Yoru could already imagine how angry his friend’s going to get once Omen found out how long he’d been keeping this information from him. 

“Can’t sleep?” Phoenix asked groggily once he realized Yoru had been standing at the doorway for a minute. He’d been expecting for his roommate to emerge from his room, it almost felt like he’d been anticipating it. 

“As always.” Yoru replied and made his way to the bed. Before he could climb in, he paused. 

Sitting on the couch with Phoenix wasn’t weird, but now that the couch was a bed…it felt different. 

Phoenix watched Yoru stand awkwardly with an eyebrow raised curiously. “You gonna get in or what?” He asked teasingly and patted the empty space beside him. “It’s big enough for the both of us.” He added before he turned his attention back to the television. 

Yoru huffed before settling himself on the other side of the bed, making sure to leave a large gap between him and Phoenix. “For someone that gets embarrassed about shit like this, you’re being strangely calm.” Yoru asked and prompted to sit against the backrest of the couch.

“Used to do this with everyone for movie night,” Phoenix replied. “I always ended up on the floor but we all shared this bed at one point. Doesn’t bother me — doesn’t mean anythin’.” 

If it were a different night, one where he felt reckless (or a night filled with alcohol), he probably would’ve asked Phoenix if him being there meant anything, no matter how large the significance was. There was no way you could pretend to date someone for a little less than two months and not have some thoughts.

Instead, there was a long silence. The room was filled with the sound from the speaker, the occasional laugh track from the old sitcom Phoenix was watching made the quiet atmosphere comfortable. If Yoru focused enough, he could probably hear the cricket from the balcony — it was an annoying little thing. He hoped nature would finally take its course on it. 

“You wanna go somewhere in the mornin’?” Phoenix asked once the episode came to an end. He picked up the remote from where he threw it on the bed and quickly started up the next episode. “We can get out the house and get some fresh air. Jett invited us, so she’s got the day planned.” 

Yoru chuckled softly. “I’m guessing Sage is going?” He asked.

Phoenix grimaced at the mention of his friend’s name. “Well…yeah,” he said hesitantly. “She is Jett’s girlfriend — if you don’t want to, it's fine, we can just stay here or go out ourselves.” 

“It’s fine,” Yoru replied quickly. “I don’t mind going with them.”

Phoenix eyed his friend cautiously. “You sure?” 

Yoru rolled his eyes. “Of course,” he reassured. “Sage would be an idiot to cause another scene…it’s not like she would.” He added as he remembered the worry in Sage’s eyes the day he went to Brim’s diner to talk. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t have looked at him like that. If someone Yoru despised looked as though they were going through a rough time, he wouldn’t pity them — he’d probably bask in it.

“Right,” Phoenix drawled out the “I” before he laughed. “Wouldn’t wanna make Jett mad again if I were Sage.” 

The conversation ended in laughter as well as a quick text to Jett to tell her they were tagging along. “So what’s been on your mind?” Phoenix asked as the show came to a scene he hated watching. There was something about embarrassing moments in any sort of media that had the college student shriveling in his seat. 

“Just couldn’t sleep,” Yoru said and shrugged. “What about you?” 

A small, surprised, gasp emitted from Phoenix’s mouth. “You wanna know ‘bout how I’m doin’?” He asked with a small laugh. “I was just thinkin’ about some things.” He answered simply, his attention back on the T.V.

“About what?” Yoru questioned. 

The answer didn’t come immediately. 

“‘Bout us,” Phoenix eventually said, the words had knocked the wind out of Yoru. He wasn’t expecting for them to talk about their situation so suddenly. “How much longer we’re gonna have to do this, or what it’s gonna take for everyone to find out.” 

“Do you…” Yoru hesitated. “Wanna stop?” He finally asked and braced himself for the inevitable answer to the question. No matter how desperately he would’ve liked to avoid it, Yoru knew it was only a matter of time before they had to call it quits, but that time shouldn’t be now. As selfish as the request may be, it truly felt like there was something between them — there were definitely feelings coming from Yoru’s side, he knew that. 

He didn’t know if he could say the same for Phoenix just yet, or if he ever could. Maybe if they kept up the act a little longer his friend could eventually see that they could be more than just a stupid escape plan — or maybe Yoru’s got his head stuck in stupid fantasies, again. 

A shrug. “Well we gotta stop eventually,” Phoenix admitted with a chuckle, as though it were obvious (it was). “The plan was to keep this up until they got off my back, I’m pretty sure we’ve done that.” 

“I guess,” Yoru replied quietly, uncertain. “I dunno if it’s a good time to tell your friends we broke up when we meet up later today.”

Phoenix chuckled. “Obviously,” he said and paused. “We can…we’ll just talk about this later. When there isn’t so much goin’ on, we’re in no rush to break up.” He joked, not focusing on the lack of laughter coming from Yoru. There was too much going on inside of his own mind.

The sudden reminder of their future break up should be a relief. Phoenix had stressed over Yoru a lot for the past few weeks — months, even — the sooner they ended their deal, the sooner he could pull his head out of whatever fantasy world it got itself stuck in. Wherever his heart may be didn’t matter, not now. 

“Yeah let’s just,” Yoru sighed. “Let’s sleep, I don’t wanna be tired for today.” He said and pushed himself off the backrest of the couch to lay on his side. Yoru’s previous worries about being in a bed with Phoenix seemed to disappear into the mattress. If they (Phoenix) were already starting to talk about ending things, then he’d savor the moments of a faux romance a little more deeply. 

Phoenix eyed his friend’s back worriedly before turning down the volume of the T.V and making himself comfortable. He noted the space between himself and Yoru and couldn’t help but wonder if they’d migrate closer to each other during the night. 

With a tired sigh, Phoenix grabbed the throw-pillow for the couch and set it down in the middle of the bed. He didn’t need to worry about accidental cuddles as he slept. 

-

Waking up and getting ready to leave was a task spent in silence, aside from the music from their own phones as well as small conversations made during breakfast. It wasn’t until they seated themselves in Phoenix’s car did their conversations start to pick up. 

“What’s Jett got planned?” Yoru asked as they made their way out of the garage. 

“Nothin’ special,” Phoenix answered. “She’s got an assignment due and she’s gotta go to a museum or gallery. There’s a pop-up downtown, we’re just gonna walk around there and eat after.” 

“Sounds fun.” Yoru replied with his attention fixed on his phone.

“Was that supposed to be sarcasm?” Phoenix asked, confused. 

Yoru scoffed. “Not really.” was the final reply as they enjoyed the car ride downtown. 

Although the drive near the downtown area, as well as in it, was stressful — Yoru loved going there with Omen and Cypher. They’d run their wallets dry as they found new places to eat and stores that sold items they thought looked cool. Despite how adventurous they got when it came to food, they always frequented a tiny dessert shop run by an elderly couple. Their visits were so frequent that the store owners had memorized their orders by heart, and it was kind of cute to see how the couple’s faces lit up when they walked in. It’d been a while since the last visit, and Yoru wondered if the shop stayed the same since then. 

“You think we should up our game a little bit today?” Phoenix asked, interrupting Yoru’s trip down memory lane. “We haven’t been in a situation where we’ve had to show we were datin’ but if Jett expected us to…kiss that one time, then she’s probably expectin’ us to act like a couple — I guess.” The thought sounded reasonable enough, and Yoru’s surprised he hadn’t mentioned the idea first. It’d been a while since they had to display their relationship in front of Phoenix’s friends, so the thought completely slipped his mind.

Even if the idea was good, and Phoenix deserved a pat on the back for it, it was always a good time to tease him. “Yeah? So what’s on your mind?” He asked with a smirk. 

The question had obviously flustered Phoenix, as expected, who was attempting to focus on the road as well as form a coherent sentence. “Y’know…we uh hold hands? And we gotta take like — couple pictures and all that since the gallery’s got stuff meant for pictures…and I dunno, pet names? Is that what you call it? Nicknames? Terms of endearment? Do I sound ridiculous?” He finally asked, defeated. Listening to Phoenix stammer and stutter his way through his thoughts was definitely the highlight of the drive. 

Yoru chuckled. “Well we can start with the basics since you’ve obviously never been in a relationship,” he said. Before Phoenix could argue about being single and proud his entire life, Yoru quickly reached out for his friend’s hand resting on the armrest between them and intertwined their fingers together. Yoru could feel how tense the other had gotten from the simple action. “Not bad right? You’re not gonna explode or anything.” 

“Whatever…” Phoenix grumbled under his breath, and tried his best to focus on the road and not how soft his friend’s hand was, at least, up until his palms. There were a couple of calluses from what Phoenix guessed came from Yoru’s many hobbies, such as fixing his own bike as a teen, but they weren’t weirdly rough. The calluses were actually pretty smooth, probably since it’d long since healed. Phoenix wondered what his hand felt like to Yoru. 

Maybe disgustingly sweaty if his nerves were anything to go by. He had a bad case of sweaty palms, hopefully Yoru won’t mention them as the day went on. 

“And not every couple has pet names, their own names are perfectly fine,” he mentioned. “I’m not the kind of person to have nicknames and all that, never had any for Omen, but if you think you‘re the type then go for it. Name some.” This was a hard task for Phoenix, who opened his mouth and quickly shut it in embarrassment as he tried to build up the confidence to say something simple.

Phoenix always thought he was the pet name kind of guy, something he’d never been able to prove prior to this very moment, but being in a car with his pretend boyfriend was definitely making him second guess his original thought. 

“Uh ba…” it felt as though he’d lost all the air in his lungs, and he couldn’t help but quirk his brows downward at the laughter coming from beside him. He could do this, he needed to sell it today. “Ba - babe?” He managed to wheeze out.

“Is that a question?” Yoru asked, amused.

“I’m trying my best!” He whined. “And get your hands off me.” Phoenix playfully yelled and snatched his hand away from the other’s grasp to grab the steering wheel. He hadn’t noticed they were still holding hands until he felt Yoru’s thumb absentmindedly caressing the top of his own thumb. Must’ve been out of habit. 

“Get used to it,” Yoru said with a chuckle. “It’s not like they’re expecting us to make-out…I hope not.” He made a face at the thought of it, an expression Phoenix chalked up to be a general expression of disgust. It was far from it if Yoru were being honest, but that was something he didn’t need to admit to anyone. 

Phoenix shuddered. “Don’t jinx it.” He begged.

-

“I forgot to tell you but KJ and Raze are here too,” Phoenix said as they scanned their tickets. They were running a little late, something they fully admitted was their fault. Although the alarm rang, Phoenix simply stopped it from continuing and allowed the two boys to sleep for another couple of minutes. It wasn’t until he woke up again to check why his alarm wasn’t going off, despite it being bright outside, did he realize that they’d fallen asleep for another forty-five minutes after the alarm. “They wanted it to be a triple date.”

It didn’t feel like they wasted too much time, it could’ve been an hour before they realized they needed to wake up, but the traffic always seemed to get worse the later into the day it got. As all traffic got.

Jett sent the tickets over to Yoru who texted her about their mistake once they got into Phoenix’s Jeep and told them they’d be waiting inside. Although she let Yoru off easy she quickly texted Phoenix about being an irresponsible idiot, who then complained about hating how much nicer Jett was to his current roommate than her own best friend. “ That’s just how best friends are .” Yoru would reply with a laugh, and Phoenix couldn’t argue with that. 

“KJ and Raze are finally going out?” Yoru asked, surprised. He knew of the girls’ previous status, as well as how complicated KJ liked to make things, so the news was nice to hear. 

They made their way up to the second floor of the gallery, where Jett said they were, and followed the directions the girl gave them in order to find the group. The gallery wasn’t too crowded, there was enough space for the both of them to easily walk around without side stepping for other people or possibly bumping into anyone. 

A lot of the pieces displayed ranged from sculptures, to photographs, and simple canvases. There was a room Jett had told Yoru about on text that she booked later in the day that was meant for pictures, as the artist had intended. It was a decently sized room with a couple of projectors set up to create a 3-D space, they’d only have about twenty minutes before they had to leave the room though. 

“They’re takin’ it steady,” Phoenix answered. “Is what KJ’s sayin’ but Raze told me they were datin’. KJ’s just too shy to admit it.” It was still a surprise to think about how long it took before they made things official, but they were going out now so there was nothing to complain about. As long as they were happy. 

“Good for them.” Was the reply as they turned the corner to see Jett carefully inspecting a piece of art as the three girls behind her laughed at her attempt at explaining the meaning behind it. 

Sage was the first to spot the two approaching, so she quickly waved them over, and gained the attention of the rest of the group. “I’m glad you two could finally join us.” She said with a smile once they were close enough.

“Just in time too!” Jett said from behind her girlfriend. “We gotta get to the exhibit we reserved in like — five minutes. Thankfully I got all the photos I need, so we can run outta here after.” 

“We couldn’t even enjoy everythin’ this place had to offer.” Phoenix sighed disappointedly, especially since it meant he’d have to go back and drive down the streets of the hell he called downtown. The amount of drivers he’d honked at during their trip to the gallery was a new personal record, hopefully they wouldn’t be hanging out here again in the near future. 

Or maybe he could just force Yoru to drive for once. 

Raze slapped his back, hard. “Don’t worry! You can enjoy the art as we walk over!” Phoenix whined as he attempted to rub at his back. Did the girl not know her own strength? “It’s nice to finally have a real hang out with you Yoru! Finally got the triple date we talked about.” 

“Triple date?” Jett sneered. “If I remember correctly, I only mentioned a double date.” 

“Aw c’mon, KJ and I were just sortin’ things out,” Raze said and wrapped her arm around her girlfriend’s shoulder, who was busy staring off into space. “Right babe?” 

The attention suddenly being passed onto KJ made the girl’s face heat up in embarrassment, not prepared for the sudden teasing. “What? I…We should go! We don't wanna be late for our reservations right?” She mumbled quickly and pulled her girlfriend away to walk ahead of her other friends as she drowned out Raze’s cheeky remarks. 

“Aren’t they cute?” Sage asked with a smile. 

Jett couldn’t help but pout at the question as she grabbed Sage’s hand to swing their arms around lightly. “Not cuter than us right?” She whined.

Sage sighed fondly at her girlfriend’s antics, she couldn’t be annoyed when Jett looked at her like that. “Of course not,” she said and pulled her away to follow KJ and Raze. “ We should also head over to the exhibit, right boys?” She asked and looked behind expectantly, waiting for the both of them to follow. 

“Good idea.” Phoenix nodded in agreement, a tiny smile on his own face because of his friends’ relationships. Before he could take a step forward, he felt Yoru grab his hand. 

Right. He needed to turn the fake dating stuff up a notch. 

With Yoru’s hand in his, they followed Jett and Sage to the line KJ and Raze were waiting in, where a worker was standing in front of the door to let in groups with reservations. “Finally!” Raze yelled as they approached. “Let’s hurry up and take some pictures!” 

Jett rolled her eyes in annoyance as she held up her phone to the worker, who quickly scanned the QR code and opened the door to let the group in. “The lights will turn on once your time is up, when that happens please use the other door to exit.” The worker said, bored like every other staff member they’d seen walking around the building. 

Once they made their way into the dimly lit room the door closed behind them, leaving them in the dark. Before Raze could make a joke about the projectors not working, the lights finally came on. Fluorescent lights danced around the large space, the lights going from simple orbs to butterflies, as well as elaborate scenes such as the feeling of being under the tunnels a lot of aquariums had. The effect was a lot cooler with the walls being made of mirrors. 

“What’re we doing standing around? We came for pictures so let’s get them!” KJ said excitedly, her phone in her hands. She took pride in her role as the group photographer, and was always willing to take Sage’s and Jett’s numerous couple photos. A lot of the posts on Jett’s instagram were always captioned with credits to KJ. 

“Sage and I first!” Jett yelled as she pulled her girlfriend to one of the walls, the room now filled with the glow of a deep blue and the effects of falling snow. “Work your make KJ.” She said with a wink. 

Phoenix, with a sigh, turned to Yoru. “This is gonna take a while,” he warned. “Maybe if they’re distracted enough we don’t have to take pictures.” Which probably wasn’t going to happen, if he was being honest. 

Before Yoru, Phoenix always had to wait for the girls to take their couple photos — or the one couple photo then KJ and Raze’s duo pictures — but it would quickly end with him taking his own solo photos. It was annoying at first, but he appreciated how they always tried to make him feel less like a fourth wheel.

Which never really worked since he’d be stuck holding their bags and other accessories while they went off to hold hands, kiss, or hug for the camera. The things he’d do for his friends. 

“I think it’s sweet,” Yoru replied with a shrug, enjoying the entertainment in front of him. KJ, who usually had to warm up when it came to being in public, was now arguing with Jett about what pose would be best for the photos. It was probably the loudest she’d be for the rest of the day. “They’re having fun.” 

They were definitely having fun, if the loud laughter and booming voices were anything to go by. If KJ was serious when it came to taking photos, then Jett was a whole different ball game. With her short career as a photographer, Jett always took the responsibility seriously. Jett made sure to get every angle she could of the two girls; going on her knees, lying on the floor, and even getting up close in case they didn’t want full body shots. 

“These look so good!” KJ squealed in excitement as she scrolled through all thirty photos Jett rapidly took in the span of two minutes. 

“Don’t they?” Jett said with a proud grin, her hands on her waist and chest puffed up to shower in the praise. While the three girls were busy scrolling through their pictures Sage held her hand up to Yoru. 

“Your phone?” She asked with a smile. “Jett and KJ can be overwhelming when it comes to this, I promise to guide you through your pictures calmly.” 

Yoru just stared at the girl’s hand, not knowing if he should just ask Phoenix to hand his phone over, but the expectant wiggle of her fingers had him reaching for his phone. “Fine,” he mumbled. “Just this once.” He did his best to ignore how brightly Sage smiled at this. 

“It’ll only take a second.” She said and motioned for them to get closer to the mirrors. 

Jett cheered from the sidelines, her attention now on the two boys. “How does it feel not having to take pics alone?” She yelled with a grin. “Bet it feels nice to have a boyfriend of your own.” With this, she tried to lean on her girlfriend which led to Sage shooing her away so as to not mess up. 

Before Phoenix could yell back at her Sage finally ordered for them to get in position. “Don’t just stand there, do something,” she joked. “You wanna get this over with right?” 

“Follow my lead,” Yoru whispered and pulled Phoenix down slightly by the back of his neck. “You look stupid with your arms just dangling there, hold onto me.” He whispered again, and Phoenix couldn’t do anything but comply. With his hands wrapped against Yoru’s waist, the only thing he could think about was how much he liked touching his friend there.

He couldn’t exactly wrap both his hands around his waist — his hands were big but Yoru’s waist wasn’t tiny — but there was a small dip where his waist was and it was so nice to map his fingers over it. 

He felt like a freak. He shouldn’t be thinking about his friend like this. 

Yoru’s arms were now loosely wrapped around his neck, his face close enough to Phoenix’s that their noses touched. “You don’t need to kiss me,” Yoru whispered, his breath hot against his mouth. Phoenix could see the way his eyes glazed down to his lips. “Not unless you want to.” He added with a smirk. 

If Phoenix’s brain wasn’t being pulled in different directions, he probably would’ve flung Yoru off of him — but it felt as though he’d shut off all rational parts of his mind. “Sounds like you want me to.” He said with a smirk of his own, before he could test this and effectively ruin whatever sanity he had left, Sage called for the two of them. 

“Alright! I got some good pictures.” she said and waved Yoru’s phone around excitedly. Yoru pushed himself off of Phoenix gently to make his way to the group, shakily exhaling the breath he forgot to let go of. 

Phoenix straightened his blazer and attempted to cool himself off. 

What the fuck was that? 

Chapter Text

Yoru, who stayed behind the group as they walked along the narrow path, watched Phoenix attempt to win an argument with Jett and Raze. Whatever the argument was about didn’t matter to him, not when Phoenix was sadly getting ganged up on by the two girls, as well as KJ who’d been dragged into the fight unwillingly. Despite her reluctance, she seemed to always have something to say to counter whatever Phoenix came up with. 

He was so focused on the scream-fest he didn’t notice Sage slow down to walk beside him, not until he heard her voice. “Have you been having fun?” She asked and smiled softly at the way Yoru slightly jumped in surprise. “I can tell that you have.” 

“Then why ask?” He replied smoothly, eyeing Sage carefully in case she got offended. 

Instead, she chuckled. “There’s no harm in making small talk.” 

“I don’t know if—”

“If I’m allowed to even talk to you?” She filled in quickly when Yoru hesitated to continue. “If I want you to see I truly want to be your friend, I have to make an attempt to talk to you once in a while.” 

Yoru didn’t reply and just sighed, he didn’t feel like fighting. Not when he knew the girl wouldn’t leave him alone. 

“That’s why I offered to take your picture,” she continued as though it were obvious. “You two look good together.” Yoru could feel his face heat up at the teasing lilt in her voice, but tried his best to keep his face neutral. The world would freeze over before he let himself be made fun of by her. 

With his hands in his pockets, and a whispered insult towards the girl next to him, Yoru thought about the picture. After he’d gotten his phone back from Sage, Phoenix didn’t speak to him at all. They still kept up the act, of course, but Phoenix wasn’t as determined as he was before. If there was a chance to release the grip Yoru had on his hand, he’d take the opportunity. Instead of voicing his concerns (disappointment) he’d just give Phoenix a tired sigh and step back to give him some space. He saw the discomfort on his face and didn’t want to worsen it.

Whatever happened between them during the picture obviously affected Phoenix — especially since they were so close to kissing… again . Except this time, there’d be a chance that both of them wanted to initiate it. Or so he thought. Trying to find the meaning of Phoenix’s withdrawal hurt Yoru’s head, and he couldn’t believe how badly he was trying to not equate his friend’s dodgieness to him having some sort of feelings towards himself. 

The thought of Phoenix reciprocating Yoru’s feelings should have made him happy, but there was a small feeling of fear hidden inside of him — and he had no idea where it came from or why it was even there. He promised Brimstone he’d stop believing everything good in his life was something he didn’t deserve, but it was easier said than done. No matter how pungent the feeling of despair was, Yoru couldn’t find a sound reason as to why it was even festering inside of him. 

“I can tell you really like him,” Sage said — and then there was that face. The face Sage would make when she wanted to ask something but knew it wouldn’t end well. Yoru doesn’t know Sage well, but he was always on the receiving end of that stare in high school. Whenever she’d catch him loitering beneath the stairs while she was doing tardy sweeps, he knew she wanted to do more than just ask why he was there. Or, more specifically, she wasn’t asking why Yoru was there under the stairs, but why he even bothered coming to school anyway. Why, despite not caring , he still made some sort of effort to wake up every morning just to ditch his classes. “Can I ask you something?” She whispered, and he was surprised she even asked at all. 

“You would ask even if I said no.” He replied, maybe he did know her after all.

“You two are dating, right?” She questioned, her pace slowing down as Yoru hesitated. 

First Brimstone and now Sage? What were they doing wrong? As he tried his best to stay calm, he thought about Sage and the way she used to talk to him. Before he could say something that would embarrass him, as well as fully reveal their facade, he remembered how she accused him of planning something by being with Phoenix.  “This isn’t a recent thought, right?” He mumbled. 

She looked guilty, a look he didn’t expect to see on her since the last time they talked at the cafe he worked at some time ago. “I’ve always had a feeling but it was…I was never sure,” she admitted. “You two weren’t close in high school, I knew that, so when Jett told me I had my suspicions…” 

Yoru clicked his tongue in annoyance. “What’re you gonna do now? Tell everyone we aren’t dating? If you want Phoenix to hate you, then go ahead.” he sneered, unable to pretend he didn’t have a slight problem with Sage anymore. Sure, he was willing to try and get along with the girl — but not now. Not when she could end everything between them, not when he wasn’t ready to. 

“So you admit it then?” She asked, indifferent to how quickly he blew up on her. 

And it was silent, there was a look of confusion on Yoru’s face as he squinted at the girl. “What’re you trying to do?” Yoru asked instead, a wave of fatigue hitting him like a truck. “Why’re you asking now? Why not during the picnic? Or when you came over to my job — which I still hate you for — or when we met at Brim’s diner a couple of days ago? Is this so you can blackmail me?” 

Sage shook her head to everything. “I’m asking now because then you’d actually be willing to tell the truth,” and it made sense, because Yoru did tell her. Even if he didn’t say it directly, his defensiveness was a clear answer to the question. He couldn’t stop himself from running his mouth in the heat of the moment, and he knew he needed to work on how defensive he got when called out on something. “And, believe it or not, I’m not here to dangle this over your head. You need to stop thinking the whole world’s against you.” If it weren’t for everyone being a couple of steps away from the two of them, Sage would’ve yelled at him. 

“Then why are you asking,” he spat in annoyance, deciding against arguing about Sage’s last remark; because the world truly has been against him. “If it isn’t to chase me away from your friends or get something out of me, then why.” 

“‘Cuz I just want you two to be happy. Truly happy,” she admitted. “I’ve seen Phoenix at his lowest and the way you looked at the diner a couple days ago was…I’ve been there, I’ve had the same look in my eyes and I just need to know that this whole plan isn’t going to ruin you both. Not when we can just prevent all of this — whatever this is.” She motioned to Phoenix and then back to him. 

Yoru prided himself in being able to read a person’s expressions, a talent he’d acquired from his years of friendship with Omen, and he hated to admit that there was nothing but sincerity in Sage’s words. So, with his voice low, he decided to give her an answer. “We aren’t actually dating,” he cringed at the way his voice broke. “Phoenix is — we’re thinking of ending this soon, now that we’ve gotten what we wanted.” There it was, he was finally accepting the fact that everything was coming to an end.

“And what did you want?” Sage asked quickly, catching the way Yoru seemed pained at suggesting he wanted to break up as well as the slip up.

He couldn’t answer this. “I don’t know,” he said once he took too long to reply. “It was — this wasn’t supposed to benefit me, but I owed him for letting me be his roommate.” 

“Then what do you want?” She repeated, a fire in her eyes that was reserved for the people she cared about. Yoru had seen it in the way she defended Phoenix during their picnic as well as glances of it during high school when it came to Jett or her duty as president. “Do you want to be with him?”

Yoru broke their eye contact to glance at Phoenix’s back. If his highschool self heard he was still absolutely smitten for the dumb soccer player in all of his classes then he’d call himself an idiot. He could probably use a couple of lashings from seventeen year old Yoru, maybe he’d start to think a little more clearly; but Yoru wasn’t a clear thinker — he just did whatever he wanted and thought about the consequences later. So, his next words weren’t much of a surprise. “I do.” He whispered, and it felt nice to have the secret be told to someone that wasn’t there to tell him what to do. Not like Omen, who made it clear he wanted them to end it — nor Brimstone who, bless his heart, felt as though Yoru needed to tell Phoenix how he truly felt right away. 

Because Brimstone was the poster-child (adult) of honesty. 

Sage just smiled knowingly. “Then I hope you both make the right decisions,” she turned to look at the group as well, her attention more on her girlfriend who was now slapping Phoenix’s poor shoulder. “I’m always here if you need to talk. I won’t tell anyone, but I do think it’s best you talk about this with Phoenix one day.”

The suggestion would be nothing more than a passing thought, thrown into the street filled with speeding cars right next to them. Having Sage know about the secret felt bittersweet, and there was a strange feeling in his chest that he couldn’t quite shake-off. “You think it’s possible?” Yoru cut into the silence.

“What?”

“That he might… want what I want, feel the same way as I do.” It wasn’t a question he expected an answer to, and he knew by the pitying look Sage gave him that there wasn’t going to be a yes or no from her. It was never that easy. 

Despite her veracious nature, she still found herself reluctant to answer. “I can’t say.” She admitted sadly, a small smile on her lips. It was hard being honest to someone with hopes. 

He appreciated the honesty, it got him ready for the future. “I expected that,” He mumbled and straightened his jacket. Despite the end of the conversation, Sage’s worried look still remained. Yoru could still feel her gaze shift towards him occasionally.

“What’s on your mind now?” She asked once the creases on his forehead seemed to deepen and his frown dipped further. 

He chuckled dryly. “Are you my therapist?” There was only an unimpressed look in return, and he just shrugged it off. Not the time for laughs. “There’s just…” 

It felt weird, confiding in the one person he never thought he’d get along with; but Sage was there and willing to listen — and with the way the sky continued to darken and how quickly time flew by, he couldn’t help but feel as though it was the perfect time to let go. What’d he have to lose? “Is there a way to know he feels the same? Or that maybe I’m just makin’ a mistake and I don’t actually like him, that this is all just my mind playing games with me.” 

She shrugged. “If he’s willing to put up with you for this long then we at least know he likes being around you,” she joked. Her eyes lit up at the way Yoru’s lips twitched slightly. “But…how do you feel around him? What makes you think you feel so strongly for him — that you feel anything at all?”

A question he pondered over every night as he tried to convince himself that being with Phoenix was just going to end in heartbreak; but he couldn’t get his dopey smile out of his head. The way Phoenix’s brows would furrow when Yoru teased him about something and how his voice would raise an octave as he tried to defend himself. Yoru raised a hand to his chest, he formed a fist and bumped it against himself lightly. “Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe around him,” he confessed and dropped his hand back down to his side limply, trying to put his emotions into words. “And it’s…it’s the same way I felt for someone I liked before.” 

Sage stared at him sadly. “Omen?” She guessed, remembering the day she found them kissing under the bleachers. Despite how badly she wanted to chase them out at the time, she was too embarrassed to confront them. 

He loved Omen, and it didn’t take a genius to measure how much he loved his best friend — and the concept was scary, to feel so weak around a person…and now here he was, feeling the same emotions but multiplied.

“I’m not completely over him, I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over him — and every time I thought about loving someone I always imagined it was Omen and I,” Yoru wasn’t proud about thinking of his friend like this, especially since he was in a very serious relationship, but he never got the chance to heal. After he confronted his friends about what they’d been doing behind his back, he made the difficult decision to forgive them. It didn’t feel like there was any other choice but to forgive them, and he had to suck up the hurt he felt so they’d go back to how they were before everything blew up. Yoru knew none of them had gotten over the event, especially with how protective Omen was and overly apologetic Cypher was with him, but he desperately wanted to forget. His friends didn’t make the process any easier. “But then I started having those thoughts with Phoenix and I…I don’t hate it. I was happy that I was finally moving on from Omen, but now I want so much — too much, y’know? I have all these expectations and I can’t keep spending my entire life moving on from people. I’m fucking sick of it.” 

Sage was speechless, a rare phenomenon when it came to the girl, and she knew she wasn’t qualified to help Yoru with all his problems. She was a nursing major, for fuck’s sake, she took one psychology class back in her senior year of high school; but she wanted to comfort him, especially after seeing how tired Yoru looked after laying his feelings out into the open. “If I told you I’m one-hundred percent sure you’re in love with Phoenix, would you freak out?” She asked calmly.

This time, thankfully, Yoru chuckled. “I kinda figured that out while I was talking to you…maybe even before all this,” and it was her turn to giggle at the craziness of it all. “Thank you, by the way, for caring.” He said after their laughter came to an end and all they could hear was the yelling from their friends in front of them. 

She waved him off. “Just looking out for my friend’s friend.” 

Yoru was glad to hear she knew she wasn’t his friend just yet, but he was definitely willing to start trying. 

-

“What were you two talkin’ about?” Phoenix asked as they drove back to the apartment. It was probably the first word he’d spoken to him the rest of the day after the picture, and Yoru wasn’t expecting it. He was moments away from taking a quick nap during the ride. “I was expectin’ a little cat fight between you two.” 

Yoru made a quick face to show that he wouldn’t have minded a little tussle in the middle of the downtown area. “We were just talking,” he assured him. “Not a single argument.” They came close to one, but Phoenix didn’t need to know that.

He looked skeptical, but decided not to question him any further. There was something important they needed to discuss, and with how bad traffic was, it didn’t seem like a bad time to talk about it. Phoenix reached over to turn the music down to a gentle hum, which gained Yoru’s attention. “We needa talk about last night,” Phoenix said, his eyes fixed on the road. “I thought it was best to talk about it now since we’re probably just gonna pass out once we get back to the apartment…”

“Yeah…” Yoru agreed after finding the courage to speak. There was no escape from it this time, he couldn’t just open the car door and run into the busy highway — it was just the two of them in Phoenix’s Jeep. 

“Finals are comin’ up soon and everybody’s gonna be busy so I thought it’d be kinda genius to stage our break up in the middle of it. We tell everyone we got into a small fight ‘cuz of how busy we both were and that we decided it was best we broke up — simple as that.” Phoenix said smoothly. 

“But then they’d ask why we’re still roommates.” Yoru added and watched his friend ponder over it. 

“Then we tell ‘em that we were better off as friends and that you can’t find another roommate,” Phoenix knew it wasn’t the best excuse, but he knew his friends wouldn’t push it further. They enjoyed having Yoru around, so they’d be happy to hear that there wasn’t anything awkward between them and that his “ex-boyfriend” could still join them in their hangouts. Everyone came out a winner in the situation. “Sounds good?” He asked when there wasn’t a peep from Yoru. 

“Yeah,” Yoru finally said. “Sounds good.” 

Phoenix smiled at this. “Perfect, we’ll probably tell everyone sometime next month,” before he could turn the volume back up, his eyes lit up at a new thought that had formed. “Also, I know you’re not gonna like this, but it’s probably best you don’t come to any future hangouts from now on…y’know, make it seem like you’re like — too busy to even be outside.” 

This, much to his surprise, affected Yoru almost as much as breaking up did. He genuinely enjoyed the company of Phoenix’s friends, and if he suddenly stopped hanging around them then he’d most likely lose the bond he’d built with all of them. 

Although they seemed to like his presence, the only thing that bound him to them was Phoenix — there would be no reason to be around them once he and Phoenix were over; but, as much as it hurt, he just complied. It didn’t matter how he felt, he wasn’t part of their group. “Of course,” he choked out. “I’m fine with that.” 

“It’ll go back to normal once we tell everyone we broke up, don’t worry.” Phoenix couldn’t believe his own words. 

As they slowly inched their way through the traffic, he couldn’t ignore the tightness in his chest. The more he talked about their inevitable break up, the more he could feel himself lose all the air in his lungs. 

Despite how he had counted down the days until the end of their plan, there was a part of him that couldn’t let go. He didn’t have time to think about the feelings he had for Yoru, and he spent too much time ignoring them than trying to see if he could take them further. He was a coward, he knew this, but he didn’t know if he was ready for something real — especially with Yoru. 

So with his problems in mind, Phoenix did what he always did best.

He’d ignore the hurt that vibrated all throughout his body. 

Even if it meant he had to push away the thought of having Yoru’s lips on his and how badly he wanted to wrap his arms around him again. 

Because none of it made sense — because Yoru was just a friend. A friend he lost sleep over, a friend he talked to his moms about, a friend he had gotten jealous over. 

Phoenix just needed to convince himself that this was all just his head playing tricks on him, and that everything was just in the heat of the moment. Once they broke up, everything would truly go back to normal. He could go back to being cooped up in his room and Yoru could go back to hating him. That’s how things should’ve been.

So, with his hands holding pieces of his heart, Phoenix wiped them off on his jeans. 

Chapter Text

“So I take it that you aren’t just here to deliver me good news.” Omen said as he watched Yoru slouch further into the sofa. 

After the awkward car ride back to the apartment, and both boys promptly leaving to their own rooms, Yoru used the alone time to think about everything for the hundredth time. Now that there was finally a timer to his fake relationship, confessing was the only thing on his mind. Before that, though, he knew he needed to update Omen on where everything stood. It took him five days after the whole car ride to build up the courage to face his friend, as well as leave his room for something other than food or to leave for work and college. He didn’t want to come face to face with Phoenix yet, he didn’t know if he could handle it. 

Yoru knew his friend would be ecstatic over it, and although Omen wasn’t jumping around his living room and shouting various “huzzahs” or “yipees,” Yoru could see the way his eyes twinkled at the news. If he had told Omen they’d be calling it quits in a little under a month, there’d probably even be a little smile from him. 

All good things came to an end though, just like Omen’s little celebration. 

“I’m thinking of telling him…” Yoru paused and made a tiny circular motion with his hands. “Everything.” He said in defeat when Omen refused to follow along with his train of thought. 

“Everything?” His friend repeated slowly as he processed what that would have meant. 

Yoru nodded. “How I feel — or how I’ve felt, y’know. Back in high school and all that.” The previous twinkle in Omen’s eyes was reduced to nothing but a dying glint of light. He didn’t say anything, just stared at Yoru with a face that fell between betrayal and a very obvious ‘I want to strangle you.’ Yoru quickly saw the shift in emotions and looked to Cypher, who’d been eavesdropping from the reclining chair his parents gifted him, for help. Once they made eye contact — eye contact that the other man in the room was desperately trying to avoid during the whole conversation, Cypher just shrugged with a little grin on his face. Yoru knew he wasn’t getting out of this one. 

“Can you please say something?” He begged when he was still being given a death glare. 

“What do you want me to say?” Omen asked rhetorically. The tone in his friend’s voice was enough to set Yoru off. He was tired of Omen always finding the negative in every person he took interest in — especially when he had been nothing but supportive when Cypher came into their life. At first, the protectiveness was something Yoru was able to brush off, especially when most of the people he took interest in always turned out to be huge jackasses, but Yoru was tired of having some sort of child safety lock placed onto him by his own friend. 

“I don’t understand why you can’t be supportive,” he answered darkly. “You’re always like this! You aren’t my fucking dad Omen! I don’t need you to chase away every person that fuckin’ looks at me weirdly, you know I can take care of myself. So what if I get hurt or whatever other bullshit you’ve convinced yourself is gonna happen — why can’t you just be there for me if it happens? Why do you always need to prevent it?” 

“Because I’m your friend!” Omen yelled in return. “And I’m sorry that my efforts to keep you from getting hurt are so inconvenient to you!” It was probably the loudest Omen had ever gotten in an argument with him, or any verbal altercation for that matter. His parents told him raising his voice meant that he knew he was in the wrong, and that if he was right about something, there would be no reason to lose his cool. It wasn’t until his first word did he realize the volume of his own voice.

This caused Yoru to jump up from the sofa and tower over his friend. “ You’ve hurt me!” He shouted as though to remind Omen of his mistake, although it never really left his conscience. The three words felt like a slap to the face. “I trusted you and you fuckin’ ruined it! So don’t sit here and act like you’re some sort of saint — ‘cuz you’re not! I spent the entire time in high school jumping from person to person, crush to crush , to convince myself that you weren’t all I had — that I could have more than what you gave me…and all you do is chase every opportunity out the goddamn door! Why…why can’t you just let me move on from you?” He couldn’t yell anymore, not when Omen’s face progressed from anger and frustration to genuine hurt. Not because he felt bad for yelling at him, but because of how surprised he seemed to be at the words. As though he didn’t see a problem with how he’d been acting all these years.

The first time Yoru had a tiny fling with some guy in his sophomore year, a few months after his and Omen’s break up, it sent his friend into some sort of panic. The house, at the time, was supposed to be empty. Omen was with Cypher and his parents were out for work, so Yoru thought it would be a good idea to bring him back home. After a couple of sips of the alcohol he kept deep in his closet, and a lot of reassurance, they’d found themselves on his bed and making out. It started off shy, slow — not before Yoru groaned in frustration and deepened the kiss.

Their hands under each other’s clothes, Yoru’s thighs straddling the other boy, and small moans between gasps of breath was not the scene Omen was supposed to walk into. He wasn’t supposed to be home at all, and yet there he was, standing at his ex-boyfriend’s doorway with his mouth open in surprise and embarrassment. 

“What the fuck.” He’d said when both boys hadn’t noticed his presence there. This caused the guy at the time, Yoru couldn’t remember his name for the life of him, to push Yoru off of him — his face glowed a bright red as he realized the intruder was someone from his history class. Whatever happened after was a blur, the only thing he was able to focus on at the time was the ringing in his ears. The poor guy managed to straighten his clothes before running out of his room and all the way to the front door. With the slam of the door shaking the house, it snapped Omen out of his stupor. The yelling must’ve lasted for a while, enough for Yoru to eventually block out his friend and pretend he hadn’t gotten caught for something so embarassing. 

Omen went on about how the guy was a senior, known for flirting with any underclassmen that gave him any sort of attention, and that he couldn’t believe Yoru was dumb enough to fall for it. Then it was something about having the audacity to bring a guy over to his house as if Yoru hadn’t been living there for almost two years. 

The rest of what he said didn’t matter, not when Omen consistently found some sort of dirt on any guy he so much as showed interest in. For someone that “didn’t really know anyone nor cared enough to get to know anybody,” Omen was very knowledgeable about every guy in school. So, when Yoru realized he wasn’t going to get his friend off his back, he stopped telling him the names of any guy he wanted to talk to. 

“I thought doing this would make up for what I did,” Omen finally admitted, his head now in his hands to hide his shame. “I thought it’d stop you from going through the same thing I put you through. I don’t think I could forgive myself if it did.” 

“That isn’t your job.” Yoru said in hopes it’d drill itself into his friend’s head. 

Whether the thought planted itself in Omen’s mind or not, it didn’t matter. He couldn’t stand to watch his friend shut himself out, so he left. The only thing he could hear was Omen calling out for him and the squeak of a chair. 

Before he could hop on his bike, he felt someone’s hand grab his shoulder and spin him around. He expected to see Omen, but there was Cypher instead. There was a look of worry on his face, something Yoru hadn’t seen in a while. If his friend was hurting or sad, he never showed it. Not to anyone but his boyfriend, at least. 

Yoru scowled and jerked away from the hand still on him. “If you’re here to side with Omen—” 

“I’m not,” Cypher said seriously. “Because I know he isn’t in the right here, and I should’ve brought up his behavior before everything blew up — and for that, I’m sorry. I’ve tried to tell him that you’ve got everything figured out, and that you’re perfectly capable of accepting the consequences, but you know how stubborn Omen is.” 

Yoru scoffed at this. “Of course I do.” He confirmed dryly. 

“And I know my opinion doesn’t matter here, ‘cuz you’re here for Omen, but I’m happy for you,” Yoru felt himself freeze at the words, his eyes widening. “I’m proud of you for getting that job at the cafe, for moving out of the house, for doing something as crazy as dating your roommate — and I’m proud of you for admitting that you like him, alright? Fuck Omen, he’ll come around eventually, you go do whatever you want.” Cypher finished without a hint of sarcasm or some sort of joke. 

Despite Cypher’s initial thought, his approval did matter, because Yoru saw him as Omen’s other half. If one of them approved, then the other would too. “Thank you,” Yoru managed to whisper when he felt the blood rush back into his body. The two of them were friends, but they rarely ever had such serious talks alone. So, to show his appreciation, Yoru wrapped his arms around Cypher’s waist and pulled him in for a hug. A much needed one. “Thank you.” He repeated with his face buried in his friend’s shoulder. He could smell the faint traces of Omen’s lemon and honey scent as well as Cypher’s coconut and pineapple scented shampoo. It felt like he was back home.

“If it doesn’t go well, then Phoenix doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Cypher joked softly, his hand coming up to gently stroke Yoru’s hair. It always felt nice to be comforted by him, especially since he was the oldest out of all of his siblings. He always knew what to do to calm Yoru down. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.” 

“Why didn’t Omen think the same?” Yoru replied absentmindedly, and he felt the way Cypher’s hand paused in surprise, because Yoru never brought up the situation in front of him before. He always shrugged it off, never wanting to show anything other than the hardened exterior he’d built way before they even met; because Yoru was the strongest person Cypher had ever met. He’d walk the hallways with his hands in his pockets, his head held high, and a slight scowl as he pushed people out of the way. 

This Yoru, the one hiding his tears in his jacket as the walls around his heart chipped away, was just as strong. “‘Cuz he’s an idiot,” he answered, and there was a tiny snort from his friend in response to the jab. “And I’m an even bigger dumbass for loving him.” Which made Yoru laugh just a little louder, and that’s all Cypher needed to know that his friend was finally healing. 

“I should go now,” Yoru said and finally let go of his hold. “Gotta make lunch and meet up with someone after this.” 

Cypher nodded. “You don’t wanna talk to Omen again before you leave? Clear things up?”

“No, not right now,” Yoru said as he shook his head. “After I come clean to Phoenix, then I’ll talk to him again.” 

“Alright,” he said and pushed Yoru away softly, teasingly. “Go and get your man, I’ll make Omen sleep in the guest room until then.” 

-

Phoenix slouched in his seat, stirring his drink, as he listened to the four girls in front of him talk about something he didn’t understand. He hated to admit it, but hanging out with his friends was a lot more bearable with Yoru there. At least he had someone to talk to. 

He’d been in a bad mood ever since he woke up. After the hangout was a success, Jett texted him about everything she and KJ planned to do before they’d all be swamped with finals, or fall deeper into them at least. There wasn’t a single week where they all wouldn’t be hanging out, and the way the group chat blew up when he told them Yoru wouldn’t be there was already scary enough. 

Yoru was also pretty much nonexistent. When Phoenix was out in the living room, he made sure to stay in his room. With how busy his schedule was, Yoru always had time to cook lunch and dinner so he could store it in the fridge for Phoenix to reheat so they wouldn’t have to be in the same vicinity as the other.

It wasn’t until he was getting ready for the first hangout since their little museum date did they finally cross paths. 

Phoenix was running a little late, as always, and he was ready to leave the house when he heard Yoru’s door open. He looked up from his shoes to see his roommate standing there, flustered. 

“Long time no see.” Phoenix said when the staring contest between them got awkward. It’d only been five days. 

“Yeah,” Yoru replied with a small guilty look. “My bad, was just occupied with some things…you going somewhere?” He asked as his eyes trailed to Phoenix’s shoes.

“Uhh yeah, the girls and I are goin’ out. They wanted to do as much as we could together before finals.”  

Yoru nodded. “Sounds fun.” He said, trying to cover up the bitterness in his voice. 

“Yeah, you goin’ out too?”

“Going to meet up with Omen, maybe stop by Josh’s new workplace. He texted me about it, wanted to support him.” 

The familiar name made Phoenix’s heart stutter. “Josh?” 

“The guy from the fair we went to a while ago?” Yoru reminded him. “He gave us two free stuffed animals.” 

The annoying stall worker that made Phoenix unreasonably jealous. He didn’t even know the two of them were still talking, Phoenix assumed Yoru was finally ignoring him since he didn’t care for his advances nor updated Phoenix on the guy. “You guys are still textin?” He asked quietly, his hands now clenched tightly. What was wrong with him? 

“Yeah? We never really stopped,” Yoru replied with a shrug. “We’ve become good friends since then. Dunno why we never decided to hang out until now.” 

It left a rotten taste in his mouth, and Phoenix knew he needed to leave before he said or did something he’d regret. “Great, I’m so happy for you.” He grumbled and grabbed his coat. He didn’t mean to shut the door so loudly, but he couldn’t hear anything with how loudly his ears were ringing. He felt the same way he’d felt back in the carnival, except the feeling felt a lot worse now. It didn’t matter who Yoru talked to, he should be happy his friend was trying to find a real relationship. 

Yet here he was, sitting inside of Brim’s diner with his head reeling. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in such a poor mood. 

“Look at his little pout,” Jett said teasingly, the attention now on him. He was too busy staring into his cup to realize the way the girls had ceased their conversation. “You should’ve invited your boyfriend if you were just gonna act like this.” 

He felt his eye twitch at the comment, knowing he’d already told them multiple times that Yoru was too busy, and that he wouldn’t be there for the next hangouts for a while. “Well I couldn’t, you should be happy I even came by myself.” It sounded a lot meaner out of his mouth than it was in his head, and he almost felt bad for his sour tone. 

This made Jett roll her eyes, not at all hurt by it. “Then you shouldn’t have come in the first place.” She joked, but the obvious sarcasm still made Phoenix want to rip his hair out and slam his head against the table. 

“We’re glad you came by, is what Jett meant,” Sage spoke to ease his mind. “But I hope Yoru is doing well. I think the both of us are getting along well now, it sucks to see how busy he’s gotten all of a sudden.” 

Even Sage was asking about Yoru? All they ever asked him was about his roommate, he was sick and tired of his name being attached to Yoru’s. “Yeah, it’s such a shame.” He mocked angrily, taking a sip of his melted milkshake. 

Raze looked at him skeptically. “You okay bro? Everytime we ask you ‘bout your boyfriend you always get so pissy,” she said. “Is there somethin’ going on with you guys?” 

He groaned in frustration, wishing they’d go back to talking about whatever they were originally going on about. “No! It’s nothing, okay? Just stop askin’.” 

This made the girls’ eyes shift towards each other uncomfortably. Phoenix rarely got angry in front of them, except for the times he’d get annoyed out of his mind, so having him blow up in public was kind of new. It was obvious he wasn’t going to get better, so they decided to change topics to avoid being the next victim of his anger.

While they eased into a new conversation, Sage kept her focus on the boy picking at his plate. She promised Yoru she wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Phoenix, about what she had learned — so talking to Phoenix about how he was feeling was a no go; but she knew exactly what was going through her friend’s mind. She only hoped they could navigate through their complicated feelings together, and that Yoru kept his promise about confessing.

With a sigh, she picked up her drink and sipped on it quietly. Boys were so complicated. 

Chapter Text

“Can I ask why you’ve suddenly been hangin’ around?” Josh asked as he dropped his napkin onto his empty plate. “It didn’t seem like you were all that interested in texting me back…which I’m not mad about…but you’ve just been weird these last few days.” Yoru stopped chewing for a second before he gulped down the piece of the sandwich he’d bitten into.

“What makes you think that?” He asked as inconspicuous as possible. Was he using Josh as a way to forget the fact that he’d been forbidden from hanging out with Phoenix and his friends? Yes, as horrible as it was to admit, but it wasn’t like he straight out ignored the guy before everything went to shit. Yoru did his best when it came to texting him back, and one random conversation solidified their friendship so it wasn’t like he did a complete turnover. The timing was just too convenient. 

Josh shrugged. “First time I invited you out I thought you’d bring your bodyguard with you,” he said. “When I was helping y’all out at the fair I could feel him glarin’ at me. Still shocked I had the courage to ask for your number while he looked ready to beat the shit outta me.” 

“What’s that gotta do with me acting weird?” Yoru asked skeptically. 

“Just felt like you suddenly wanting to get closer was ‘cuz something happened between you guys,” and Yoru was kind of impressed at how perceptive he was. “Am I wrong?” 

He wasn’t wrong. 

After their first meeting in person since the carnival, Yoru realized he didn’t really mind Josh’s company. Staying at the apartment was starting to feel lonely, and it didn’t help that Phoenix was suddenly developing a bad attitude. Ever since their accidental meeting a couple days ago, he wasn’t even able to look Yoru in the eyes. He’d keep his words short and simple then rush out of the house with a scowl. It felt like he was walking on eggshells. 

Yoru had no idea why he was acting so weirdly, especially since it would’ve made sense if Phoenix was a lot happier these days — with their relationship ending and all that not so fun stuff. 

“We weren’t anything serious,” He ended up saying as explaining everything would’ve been too hard. Yoru didn’t really have the patience, he’d been hanging out with Josh the last couple of days to distract himself from what’s been happening. There was no need to rub salt onto a wound. “And I don’t want your pity, alright? You said you needed to tell me some good news, so spill. We aren’t here for me right now.” 

The topic was dropped, for now. “Remember that guy I was talkin’ to? The one with the green hair?” Yoru nodded as he realized Josh was talking about some dude he’d been seeing way before he agreed to finally hanging out. 

Was he a little jealous that he was able to get his shit together during the time in between their first meeting and the present? A little. 

All Josh talked about when Yoru asked about his life on text as well as their first hangout was the green haired guy he met at the tattoo parlor he was an apprentice at. It was a new shop that had opened up, and it was gaining traction pretty quickly. Yoru agreed to getting a tattoo by him as part of his practice, as well as his portfolio. 

Long story short, the kid (he was only a year younger than him) had walked into the shop to get his first tattoo with a friend. Josh was there to watch the artist tattoo them and even try out the techniques himself, but while he was watching his coworker tattoo the blue haired girl, he could tell her friend wasn’t fairing all too well. Josh finally convinced him to reschedule his tattoo since he looked ready to pass out, and the kid was grateful for it — so grateful that he gave Josh his number. 

“We’ve been textin’ for a while and he asked if I could help him draw out the tattoo he wanted…said he liked my work,” there was a fond smile on his friend, and Yoru couldn’t find it in himself to be jealous anymore. He looked happy. “Told him we should meet up and go over what he wanted and it eventually turned into a date…I think we might be takin’ it further soon.” 

Yoru snorted at the dopey little smile on his face. “Don’t you think it’s a little too early to say that?” He asked, and Josh rolled his eyes. 

“We’ve been talkin’ for like three months,” he said to defend himself. “And I’ve never felt like this with someone, y’know? When I met you I was all confident and shit but for some reason I’m a mess around him. That’s gotta mean something.” 

With one last skeptical look, Yoru finally sighed in defeat. “Probably does — you should go for it then,” he picked his drink up to take a long sip before setting it down. “I’m glad everything’s been looking up for you. You got your lover-boy as well as your apprenticeship, you don’t have to take shitty seasonal jobs anymore.” 

Josh chuckled. “It’s ‘cuz of my shitty seasonal job I even met you, so at least I got something out of it,” he rested his head against his hand and his laughter came to a stop. With the silence hanging over them, he took the time to scan Yoru’s face. “Y’know…the shop can take up another apprentice.”

This made Yoru pause momentarily before he picked up a couple of fries to shove in his mouth and cover up his shock. “Whaddya mean?” He mumbled with his mouth still full. He cringed at his poor manners but he’d been starting to develop bad habits from Phoenix. He’d catch himself chewing too loudly, talking with his mouth full, and forgetting to clean his plates. Phoenix, on the other hand, was getting better when it came to table etiquette. When he’d catch himself talking with food in his mouth, he’d smile cheekily and apologize before swallowing. 

It was endearing.

“Just an option for you. You told me you didn’t know what you wanted to do in the future, so I’m givin’ you something to think about,” Josh picked up his bag to rummage through the mess he left. After digging through the junk, he finally found a folded up piece of paper. It was a flier for the tattoo parlor he was working at, advertising their search for new workers or anyone interested in learning. “I’ve seen your work man, and you always look happy talkin’ about art and tattoos so…” he motioned to the paper, and Yoru finally took the flier in his hands to look over it. 

“And it’s fine if you don’t wanna do this, I just think you’re an amazing artist and I want to see you go somewhere with art, even if it’s just a side job.” He encouraged and hoped he’d get something more than a shrug. Maybe he’d take the paper with him to ponder over it. 

Yoru, after a lot of coaxing, ended up bringing his IPad and sketchbook to one of their previous hangouts to show Josh some of the designs he had made. It ranged from the graffiti he messed around with, to portraits, and a couple of doodles with an art style he’d been experimenting on. From that day on, Josh made it clear that he should start posting his work online or find a job that allowed him to draw. 

It wasn’t like Yoru never thought about working as a tattoo artist, it was an idea that always lingered in the back of his head, but he always assumed he wouldn’t make it far in the industry. Despite not thinking of his future all too much, he genuinely believed that there was a better career out there for him that didn’t involve art. He’d heard of horror stories from artists talking about how pursuing an art career completely crushed the love they had for it, and he didn’t want to lose the one thing that brought him comfort. 

“I’ll think about it.” Yoru finally said as he carefully stuffed the piece of paper into his bag, and it was crazy to think he even took the offer. 

He remembered Brimstone telling him how he should start chasing the things that made him happy, and he needed to stop worrying about potential failures. It was a cold night, and Brim was cleaning up some cups as well as wiping down the tables. Yoru couldn’t fully remember why he’d started to draw advertisements for the older man. It was probably from a conversation they had a while ago, where Brim mentioned wanting to have unique to-go boxes and bags. Ever since they’d had that small conversation, Yoru was always drawing whatever designs came to his mind.

He wasn’t going to show them to Brim, even though he wanted to, but the older man had been watching him sketch mindlessly and finally praised him for the work after staring a little too long. After Yoru quickly shut off his IPad in embarrassment, and surprise, Brim just chuckled before telling Yoru he should sell the design to him. When all he got was a small ‘it’s nothing special.’ Brim made sure he knew that his art meant something — to him at least. 

Yoru exit the diner that day with a small smile on his face, and it was probably the first time he had seriously considered going somewhere with art.

Maybe all he needed was a bit of praise and a hard push into the right direction. 

“I see that smile,” Josh teased, a finger pointed at him. “You wanna take up the offer so bad it hurts.” 

Yoru rolled his eyes and swatted the finger away from him. “You’re an idiot.” He said and chuckled. They basked in the silence once again, small smiles on their faces at the previous teasing. 

“So about your not so serious but totally serious relationship…” Josh started again cautiously.

This earned him a groan, and Yoru tipped his head back in frustration. “What’d I say ‘bout talking about it?” And dropped his head back to stare at the boy in front of him with an unimpressed look. 

“You didn’t say anything,” he responded cheekily. “Just said it wasn’t serious and then told me to talk about my own love life, so it’s your turn. What’s up with you and…Phoenix, was it?.” 

“Yeah, Phoenix,” Yoru confirmed quickly. “And it was just a stupid fling, he wants to end it but I don’t want to. I’ve talked about it with a couple of people already, so I don’t need your advice, but I’m hoping to tell him before we end it for good.” 

“Are you hopin’ for anything? Like — are you telling him ‘cuz you want to?” Josh asked. 

Yoru thought about it for a moment. There wasn’t really a reason as to why, maybe it was just curiosity. “I’m not sure he’ll feel the same way, but I just wanna see how he’d react…hopefully he takes it well since we live together. Don’t have anywhere else to go if he kicks me out.” 

“You can come room with me,” Josh replied with a shrug. “I got an empty room I use for storage, I can clear it out if he decides to kick you out — which I doubt will happen.”

“Why not?” 

Josh looked confused, as if the answer was right there, just sitting on his plate. “‘Cuz he likes you? Duh.” 

“How would you know that?” Yoru blinked dumbly.

“Dude, no casual hookup gets that jealous over a ‘lil flirting,” Josh said, moments away from taking Yoru by the shoulders and shaking some sense into him. “Did you see the way he looked at me the first time we met? He had those crazy eyes man, people wouldn’t be that jealous ‘bout their friends meeting new people.”  

The confused look remained on Yoru’s face and Josh wanted to throw his chicken tenders at his face. “You’re delusional.” Yoru said. 

“And you’re an idiot.” Josh shot back.

Yoru scoffed. “Wow — name calling, how mature.” He joked.

“Shut up you’re deflecting,” Josh said and flicked his friend’s forehead. There wasn’t much impact, now that Yoru’s thick bangs covered his once exposed forehead. “There’s like a five percent chance he’ll take it badly and a ten percent chance he won’t feel the same way. Trust me, I’m psychic.” He said and tapped his temple. 

“And if he doesn’t?” Yoru asked with an eyebrow raised. “Should I blame your psychic abilities?” 

Josh shrugged. “If it’d make you feel better,” he said and crossed his arms to rest them against the table. “I’m never wrong, though…but in case I’m wrong, then I’m warning you now — I’m not licensed.” He said deadpanned before breaking into laughter. 

“You suck.” Yoru mumbled and leaned further against his seat. 

-

“Alright — rock, paper, scissors and whoever loses has to talk to Phoenix.” Raze said, her hands already balled up in a fist to compete in what she thought would’ve been the craziest rock, paper, scissors match she’d ever seen.

Sage lowered her fist slowly, a small smile on her face. “That won’t be necessary,” she said. “Jett will talk to him.” 

“What?” Jett yelled, her eyes widened in disbelief that her own girlfriend would betray her like this. “No I won’t!” 

“Yes you will,” Sage responded smoothly, her attention now on a frantic Jett. “Because he’s your best friend and you’ve known him the longest, he’ll be more comfortable talking to you.” 

Jett bit her lip and opened her mouth to argue but quickly shut her mouth at the glare Sage was giving her. She sagged in defeat and walked past the group of girls to approach Phoenix. “Yes babe.” She mumbled sadly for her girlfriend to hear. 

Once she was close enough to the couch Phoenix was moping on, she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and hopped onto the empty space next to him. “How’s my best friend doing on this fine and lovely day?” She asked chirpily, a forced smile on her face. 

Phoenix gave her a small side eye before sighing. “I’m great.” He said and went back to scrolling through posts on his phone.

“Well I’m doing amazing as well thanks for asking!” She joked in hopes he’d laugh as well, but all she got was a quiet puff of air from the boy next to her. Judging by the stiffness of his shoulders and the way he kept glancing at her impatiently, she knew Phoenix had an idea on why she was there. “I need to talk to you about something…” she finally admitted. 

There was a long pause between them before Phoenix turned his phone off to give his friend his full attention. “Thought so.” He mumbled and waited for Jett to continue her interrogation. 

Jett rolled her eyes, she was getting tired of his attitude. “Can you just tell us what’s been going on? Don’t lie either, we all know something’s been happening with you and Yoru. Everytime we even mention him you blow up on us, are you guys fighting?” 

Phoenix bit his lip and thanked God he planned this whole thing out beforehand. All he had to do was convince Jett that things were rocky between him and Yoru then — voila, it can all finally come to an end. “We’ve just…” he started and sighed, trying to look as miserable as possible. “He’s been busy… too busy. I get it, exams are comin’ up and he’s been stressed about his major, but he doesn’t even bother coming out of his room! I haven’t seen him at all and the one day I finally see him he’s magically able to hang out with a friend, can you believe that?” The sadness he initially wanted to portray slowly turned into anger, and the ugly feeling he’d been trying to push down was starting to bubble back into his stomach. All because he thought about Yoru going out with Josh. He needed to get a hold of himself.

Jett’s eyes widened. She looked nervous. “I didn’t know…” she trailed off before she shook her head to restart. “Is this like…a serious problem? A serious problem as in you want to break up ?” She asked but leaned in to whisper the last part. She didn’t want to alert everyone else and risk Phoenix running away.

“I’ve been thinking about it…and I think Yoru might agree.” 

“No he won’t.” Jett said with a glare.

“I know you guys have become buddies and all that but how would you know?” Phoenix asked bitterly and matched his friend’s glare with one of his own.

“‘Cuz I’m not an idiot. You said you wanted your relationship to be private at first and he agreed, Sage dug into his life and he stayed with you, he’s makin’ an effort to get to know us — what makes you think he’s just gonna agree to breaking up?” 

“‘Cuz he will!” He whisper-yelled as to not alert their other friends, who were obviously spying on their conversations. 

The two friends glared at each other, waiting for someone to break. Phoenix rolled his eyes before going back on his phone and showing Jett the last post he’d been staring at before she came over. The picture was of Yoru and a guy Jett had never seen before. 

“So you’re breaking up with him ‘cuz you’re jealous and you don’t wanna talk to him?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Phoenix argued quickly before bringing his phone closer to himself. The feeling in his chest wasn’t going away, and the more he looked at the photo, the more it spread over him like a virus. 

Jett scoffed. “Sure, you go ahead and tell yourself that.” With that said, she walked away from the sad sight on the couch that was himself.

Chapter Text

Phoenix knew Jett was right about needing to talk to Yoru, but finding the courage to ask him to sit down so they could just have a normal conversation was getting difficult. 

It was five days before his last final, the one test he’d been mulling over for so long. Every study session was centered around this one class and he’d rather take his previous finals twice than take the exam for his microeconomics class. There wasn’t a day that “felt right” to talk to his friend, but Phoenix thought doing it before his test would clear his mind.

So, with his head held high, he left his room to hopefully catch Yoru before he went off to hang out with… Josh. The walls of his apartment were pretty thick, so he really had to strain to be able to hear Yoru in the hallway on the phone with his friend — and Phoenix strained just to hear his soft chuckles. He didn’t know why he’d put himself through it, but letting the dark feeling in his chest fester and grow was a lot more entertaining than rereading his books and notes for what felt like the hundredth time. 

Once he made his way closer to their living room, Phoenix could hear the sounds of what seemed to be a video playing. Yoru was sitting at the table, his back towards the hallway leading to their rooms. Phoenix took a deep breath before making his way to his friend, standing somewhere behind him. It was a surprise he hadn’t alerted Yoru of his presence, especially with his mumbling. 

Phoenix cleared his throat to finally get his attention. This made Yoru turn his head toward the sound, his eyes locking with Phoenix. 

“You need something?” Yoru asked when Phoenix remained silent even after successfully getting his attention. 

Talking was a lot easier said than done. 

“Lunch,” Phoenix would finally reply with a slight crack in his voice. “Needed lunch after a long day of studying.” He chuckled nervously before stacking his plate with the food Yoru brought on his way back home from his classes. Without a second glance or a single word, Phoenix walked briskly to his room and shut the door. 

Once the door clicked shut, and Phoenix leaned against it with a deep sigh. He looked at the plate in his hands and groaned in frustration — he had one job and he couldn’t even go through with it. 

‘It’s fine,’ Phoenix thought to himself and walked to his desk, quickly making space for his food so he could sit and beat himself up for not being unable to get things over with. ‘I’ll talk to him tomorrow.’  

On the fourth day before Phoenix’s final, as well as the day he “promised” he’d talk to Yoru after his first failed attempt, he had just come home from a group study session with some students in his class. 

To say he wasn’t really in the mood to talk was an understatement. He was exhausted. Phoenix wanted nothing more than to change into his pajamas and call it quits for the day, but Yoru was on the couch, talking to someone on his phone. 

Phoenix felt weird, hovering over him as he finished his phone call, but he heard Yoru bid goodbye to the person on the line (it was Josh, much to his dismay) and plopped himself on the couch, a sandwich in his hand. 

“How was your study group?” Yoru asked, to which Phoenix groaned in frustration. “That bad?” He joked, but there was no response to it, just a slight chewing from the other side of the couch.

This was Phoenix’s time to drop the request, he knew that, but he couldn’t find his voice. Instead, he kept munching on the sandwich in his hands as Yoru fiddled with his phone.

“I went out for a bit if you were curious,” Yoru said to fill in the silence, something that had always been Phoenix’s job, but Yoru could see how stressed his roommate was. He could take his job in the meantime. “Josh offered to help me get an apprenticeship at the parlor he’s working at, and I wanted to tell you this when I was a hundred percent sure I got the spot but…guess I couldn’t wait.” 

If there was anything Phoenix wanted — it was to congratulate his friend; but he couldn’t even form a proper sentence, let alone express how happy he was for him. Hopefully Yoru knew, even without him showing it. 

“I think I’m gonna go to my room,” Yoru said when the silence went on for too long, and he couldn’t stand the noise of Phoenix’s nervous chewing. He was hoping he’d get more than a small hum, but he couldn’t blame his friend. Yoru just assumed his exams were finally getting to him. He could be disappointed in his room. “There’s leftovers in the fridge, by the way. Feel free to take them.”

Sitting on their couch alone only made Phoenix’s second failure hit harder, and the guilt he felt for not being able to celebrate something Yoru was obviously happy about didn’t make the blow any softer. He’d talk to Yoru another time…as well as properly congratulate him for the opportunity he’d gotten. 

“Another time” was supposed to be the day after, but Yoru was out the entire day, so it was already two days until his last final and he hadn’t talked to Yoru yet. The small amount of confidence he had before was wearing thin, and he needed to preserve the last of it for his test.

“Dude, you only called me to rant about your boyfriend?” Jett yelled in frustration over the phone. She wasn’t planning on answering Phoenix’s calls, especially with how full her own plate was (pun intended), but he was begging her to pick up his calls. “Get your shit together man, at this rate you’re gonna go take your test with Yoru on your mind. We all know you’re gonna ace your final, but you’re just stressing yourself out. Talk to him .” 

“I’m scared!” He whined into the phone, his forehead pressed against the cool material of his desk. Jett was, once again, right. He wasn’t all that stressed about his exam once he went over the mock test his professor posted the day before. Even if he did fail, he’d still end up with a B, and he’d take a B — he wasn’t picky with his grades. “Everytime I get the courage to talk to him I chicken out, and he wasn’t even home yesterday! He was—”

“With Josh, I know, ” Jett cut in and groaned. “Have you ever thought that maybe they’re just friends?” 

Before Phoenix could tell her that Yoru was friends with them and question why he wasn’t hanging out or talking to the girls, he stopped himself. 

The only reason Yoru was even out all the time with Josh was because of him, and here he was whining about his own stupid problem like a kid. It didn’t mean anything, nothing meant anything — why was he freaking out? It felt like he was going insane, stuck in some sort of limbo where he was doomed to question every emotion going on in his head. 

Every time he needed to collect himself, he’d always ask why he felt so strongly about anything pertaining to Yoru, and yet he denied or pushed away any answer he was able to come up with because it always pointed to him having some sort of feelings for him. 

Why was he in such denial about liking Yoru? Was it because just before he got into this mess, he’d been interested in a girl in one of his classes? Or because he was so sure that he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship? Or maybe it's because he’s failed to actually let himself think about his sexuality.

“I can hear you thinking from over here,” Jett said after listening to the rhythmic tapping of Phoenix’s fingers against polished wood. “Dude, it’s getting late. I know I told you to talk about it, but just worry about your final. You can grovel after the exam.” 

“After the exam…” Phoenix repeated in a hushed voice. 

“And maybe you won’t rush into something as crazy as breaking up,” she continued, taking the dirty plates on her counter and setting them into the sink. Sage didn’t want to eat anymore of her practice dishes, she’ll have to take them to Brimstone. Jett looked at the clock on her phone and sighed, she couldn’t believe she was getting pulled into someone else’s problems on such an important week…what were friends for. “Don’t even think about Yoru tomorrow — I’m hanging up now, get some sleep or study some more I dunno.” The call ended with a long beep, and Phoenix was left there to slump against his seat. 

Jett was right, he needed to worry about one problem at a time. 

Phoenix kept his promise. 

Instead of worrying himself to death about breaking up with Yoru, or whatever else he wanted to accomplish by finally talking to him, he spent the entire day before his final studying. Or he tried to. There were times where he’d stand from his chair and pace around his room, looking from the clock to the door, and he didn’t want to break his promise, but he couldn’t just drop the problem immediately. Studying did nothing to help keep him sane. 

It wasn’t until he got a text from Yoru that dinner was ready did he finally leave his room. Phoenix was hoping he’d hear the soft knocks from his door, something that he knew meant there was food ready for him, but he had told Yoru one night not to knock anymore. Claimed it distracted him, but he knew it was because he was too busy talking about himself and he didn’t want his roommate to hear him.

He wasn’t planning on eating with Yoru, especially since he’d been eating in his room recently, but seeing him at the table alone was a sad sight — and Phoenix was strangely weak to Yoru’s misery, but he could say that for a lot of the people in his life. It just meant he cared for Yoru as a person, like all people with empathy did. 

“I’m surprised you’re sitting here,” Yoru observed, pulling himout of the trance he’d been stuck in. “Needed a break?” He asked lightheartedly, and Phoenix couldn’t believe he had genuinely missed his friend’s smirk and sarcasm. 

Phoenix swallowed the bite he had left in his mouth as he was thinking and shrugged lazily. “Yeah…feels nice to eat without havin’ a book next to me,” It also felt nice to see Yoru after they’d obviously avoided each other for the past few weeks, so maybe missing all the teasing wasn’t so weird. “Feels like I’m going insane.”

But he knew he couldn’t complain about the distance between them, it was all his fault. 

“At least it’s almost over.” Yoru joked, and Phoenix had to remind himself that they were still on the topic of his final. 

“Yeah,” Phoenix said quietly, tapping his spoon against his plate lightly. “Almost over.” 

-

The day of Phoenix’s final was stressful . 

Even though he made it to his campus almost ten minutes before his class started, he was still driving around the parking lot to find a space big enough for his Jeep. Phoenix loved his car, but when he finally found an empty space, he was unable to open his door, and he couldn’t help the curses he muttered under his breath. Good thing his poor baby couldn’t understand him, he’ll have to take her out for a wash as an apology.

Everytime he managed to weasel his way into a tight fit, he would later waste more time trying to back out of it when leaving his car became futile. 

After another trip around the parking lot, he was finally able to find a space big enough for his car — but his search left him about two minutes to rush to his class’ building and run up two flights of stairs. 

He was a mess . He dropped the blank answer sheet he bought at the student store while he made his way up the stairs and didn’t notice until he was at the very top. At that point, Phoenix was ready to call it a day and accept a fail, but he knew his moms would kill him for purposely missing his exam. With a groan, he ran back down the stairs in search of the answer sheet before another student could grab it.

Coming into class panting and sweating wasn’t a good start, and he had used the first five minutes of his test trying to calm himself down. Phoenix was confident he wasn’t going to get anything less than a B, and he was fine with that, but sitting in class for four hours was not how he wanted to spend his Friday. 

Once Phoenix dragged himself out of his classroom, pushed himself through a crowd of equally as tired students, and collapsed into the seat of his car — he couldn’t even find the energy to start the vehicle. 

The entire day was a shitshow, and he wasn’t even able to get a bit of review done in the morning since he’d decided to ignore all of his alarms. Phoenix knew there was no excuse when it came to his poor time management, especially since his class started at 1:30 pm, he shouldn’t have stayed up so late. The breakfast Yoru made was left half eaten as well, so he was running on an empty stomach. 

If it weren’t for the sound of his stomach rumbling, as well as the frantic sounds of wheels in the parking lot, he probably would’ve stayed in his car for another hour and took a nap — but it was already 5:30, and he didn’t want to be on campus any longer. 

When Phoenix came home, he really wanted to just collapse on the couch and nap for the next three days, but the moment he opened the door he was met with Yoru and Josh in the living room, laughing about something. 

The slam of the front door was enough to make both boys turn at the sound, and Yoru offered a small smile. “Josh was just leaving, so you can have the couch all to yourself.” He joked, knowing how much Phoenix loved to come home from classes and take the couch, and pushed his friend towards the door lightly.

“Wow, kickin’ me out once the boyfriend comes in, I see how it is,” Josh rolled his eyes and finally turned to look at Phoenix — who could only glare back. “It’s nice seein’ you again man…if you still remember me, but sorry for crashing your apartment by the way. Yoru said you’d be fine with it?” He questioned hopefully, just trying to make a bit of small talk.

Phoenix knew he needed to do something other than glare. “It’d be nice if he told me before.” He replied, his gaze now looking through Josh and to Yoru who stood near their couch, now uncomfortable at the tone of his voice.

Josh chuckled nervously. “He was just makin’ me lunch, I wasn’t gonna stay for too long,” he turned his head to look at his friend behind him. “Thanks for the food, your cooking is amazing , I’m always here if you need a third.” It was supposed to be a joke, and Yoru knew this, but it just made Phoenix scowl in disgust. 

“Are you done here?” He asked, unable to control the venom in his voice. 

Josh looked taken aback at the attitude and just nodded, his eyes shifted in confusion to Yoru. “Yeah…thanks again — for lettin’ me stay.” He said quickly, scared he’d tick him off even more. He sidestepped Phoenix to get to the door and shut it softly. 

This left Yoru and Phoenix to stare at each other. 

“What the fuck was that,” Yoru asked angrily. “If your test didn’t go well you didn’t need to take it out on him.” 

Phoenix didn’t think his day could get any worse, but hearing Yoru defend his friend and tell him how to deal with his own attitude proved him wrong. “Whatever,” He spat and pushed past Yoru to throw his shoes into the cabinet, immediately finding comfort on the couch right after his little tantrum. “And the test was fine by the way.” He said as calmly as possible, but even he could hear the strain in his voice. 

“So what’s with your shitty attitude?” Yoru asked, not caring that Phoenix was seconds away from blowing up. “You’ve been like this for the past couple of days now, what’s wrong with you?” Phoenix should’ve been thankful he even cared, or noticed, he’d been feeling weird, but the question didn’t feel right at the moment. It felt accusatory. 

And of course Yoru noticed, because everything seemed to set the British man off, especially when it came to what he did everyday – as if Phoenix expected him to just stay in his room all day. He couldn’t bring up how frustrating he’d been acting before, but now that there wasn’t an excuse (Yoru thought Phoenix acting so insufferable because of an exam wasn’t all that great of an excuse), he could finally get to the bottom of it. 

Phoenix sprung up from the couch to make his way to the door. “I’m not doing this right now,” He muttered clear enough for Yoru to hear, and the evasiveness was Yoru’s last straw. “I just wanted to take a nap – not fight about your stupid fling.” He grabbed his shoes off the rack and threw them back onto the floor. Before he could half-heartedly shove his feet back into his sneakers, he felt a hand grab his forearm to pull him back. 

“My what ?” Yoru asked. “What are you talking about?” He questioned a little more desperately, trying to understand whatever was going on in Phoenix’s head. Instead of an explanation, the arm he was tightly gripping onto snatched itself back.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Phoenix said and tried to make his way back to the door, only for Yoru to quickly step in front of him and block his way out. The scowl on his face would’ve terrified Phoenix before, but it only made his chest hurt, because it was never meant to escalate to this. 

“Don’t even think about leaving,” he spat, pushing his friend backwards by his chest before Phoenix could demand for him to get out of his way. “Not until you explain what the fuck is going on with you.” He’d meant to ask what was going on with them, but knew it wasn’t the right time to spring up another confusing topic.

Being forced to stay melted away the last of Phoenix’s patience and he knew he wasn’t going to be leaving the apartment any time soon. To prolong the conversation, he stormed off to the fridge to grab a drink he’d left behind the night before. “Oh yeah, you just gotta tell Yoru everything,” he spat, and he knew from that moment on every word from his mouth would be nothing but filthy — and he wondered what would’ve happened if the day had just started differently; if he had woke up early, ate a full breakfast, or found parking for his car. “Yoru with the sob story, Yoru with a shit dad and dead mom — Yoru who thinks he’s the main fuckin’ character of a shitty movie.” Maybe none of this would’ve happened if he had never accepted Yoru as his roommate; the thought of it made Phoenix frown immediately. 

Yoru couldn’t process the words falling from Phoenix’s mouth. “You can be a real asshole — you know that?” Yoru questioned in disbelief from behind Phoenix who was still looking inside the fridge. The remnants of hurt and betrayal filled his eyes and hung heavy on his brows, and if Phoenix had turned around to see it, he probably would’ve taken it all back (he was weak to his friend’s misery after all). Yoru wanted for him to turn around and look him in the eyes as he spilled every bit of poison that threatened to fall from his Phoenix’s lips; because Phoenix was never good at lying, and Yoru knew that the slight shake of his eyes always uncovered his dishonesty. 

Phoenix slammed the fridge door shut. “Look at that!” Phoenix exclaimed with a chuckle as he walked past Yoru, giving his shoulder a stern pat. “A taste of your own fuckin’ medicine.”

“The fuck are you talking about.” Yoru asked and turned to face Phoenix’s tense back once again. 

The dry chuckle settled uncomfortably in his ears. “I’m just sayin’ you shouldn’t complain about my attitude when you’re the biggest bitch in the room, always runnin’ my ear off about something new everyday.” 

“Like you're any better,” Yoru countered, and it was Phoenix’s turn to face his friend. Yoru wanted more than anything to stay calm, to get through whatever this was without it blowing up into something more serious, but the petty insult cut deeper than it should’ve. He wanted the last word. “Complaining about your life like you don’t have everything in the goddamn world. Complaining about your amazing moms and amazing group of friends.” 

Phoenix’s jaw clenched.

“All these people that care about you, and you — for some fucking reason — think you’ve got it bad,” Yoru pushed stepped up to Phoenix to push him back again, this time with more force. It wasn’t supposed to be so hard. “Your moms care, your friends care — I care about you!” The anger Yoru thought was steadily rising deflated quickly after the confession, as though it were never there. Just the same exhaustion he’d felt every single day. 

Phoenix was taken aback at the confession. “What?” 

“I care about you.” He repeated, this time without anger. 

“Why?” Phoenix asked, unable to stop himself from yelling. He was getting overwhelmed, and it was hard to think rationally with his raging headache as well as how tired and angry he was. All he wanted was an out, anywhere but his apartment having a stupid fight with Yoru. 

“‘Cuz I like you!”  Yoru answered, and although he was yelling again there wasn’t any fire behind his voice, just desperation. This made Phoenix shut down completely. “I’ve liked you ever since we met in high-school, and you never even noticed ‘cuz I was just a stupid kid that never came to class that for some reason always showed up for chemistry — and that was ‘cuz you were there, alright? ‘Cuz you always asked me for answers and I knew it’d be the only time you ever even bothered talking to me, ‘cuz everyone told you to stay away from me and you believed them! And I know you don’t remember but I do, and you were no better than those idiots back then…but I still liked you anyway…and I still do! That’s why I care.”

There it was, his feelings laid out for Phoenix to stare at, to drown in. Yoru watched as Phoenix kept his eyes glued to the floor, his eyes going left to right as though he were trying to look for something. 

Once he seemed to find an emotion to hang onto, his gaze snapped back up to Yoru. It wasn’t a look of affection or understanding, just the same cold stare he had the moment he stepped into the apartment. Yoru could feel his heart drop at the gaze. “I didn’t ask you to — I didn’t ask for any of this! You didn’t have to do all of this,” Phoenix replied and pushed Yoru back harshly. “You didn’t need to listen to my call and ask to be my roommate, you didn’t need to get along with me and my friends, you didn’t need to fake being my boyfriend, and you didn’t need to fall in love with me  — what you need to do is stop actin’ like you aren’t just my roommate!” With every statement said, Phoenix stepped closer to Yoru, who stepped back to create distance.

Until Phoenix’s last words were uttered. 

Instead, Yoru just froze in shock. Not even caring that Phoenix was almost pressed against him. If the situation were different, Yoru would’ve let himself bask in the closeness — would’ve said a few words that would have Phoenix stuttering, but not now, maybe not ever. “What?” Yoru asked quietly, his head pointed down so as to not see the look of anger still on his friend’s face. Phoenix couldn’t bring himself to repeat what he had said, not fully believing it himself. “After all this time you just…I don’t mean anything else to you?”

There wasn’t an answer, and the shame that weighed heavy on Yoru’s shoulders didn’t allow for him to pick his head back up. “You’re lying,” he whispered in disbelief, and he didn’t know why he was even surprised in the first place, because he’d predicted this — but it still hurt nonetheless. “We almost kissed at the museum…you leaned in…” Yoru could’ve sworn they would’ve kissed had it not been Sage interrupting them, maybe even back then at that tunnel they had hung out in about a month ago. Was it all just a misunderstanding? 

It felt like he couldn’t breathe. There was a sinister voice in the back of his mind that sounded eerily similar to Omen telling him that they had told him so. Cypher was wrong, the biggest idiot was himself. 

Phoenix couldn’t stop the next few words from escaping, because there was no use in feeling sympathetic now – and Phoenix was a terrible person, he knew this. “If your own best friend couldn’t return your feelings…what made you think I would?” If Yoru had just looked up, even just for a second, he would’ve seen the way Phoenix’s eyes refused to stay steady. 

But Yoru couldn’t think of anything, not when the voice in his head was yelling for him to run and hide his shame. 

And he did.

While his hands shook and his legs tremored, he staggered past Phoenix to get to the shoe rack. He slipped his boots on and grabbed the keys to his bike. Everything felt like a sick feeling of deja vu, and Yoru felt like he was back in his high school, listening to Omen explain he had never felt anything more for him. That Yoru would be nothing more than something to pity…if he could, Yoru wished he could apologize to the teenaged version of himself for breaking their own hearts yet again. 

Phoenix knew he should’ve run after his friend and stop him before he could run out the door, especially since he shouldn’t be driving in his state, but he couldn’t break free from the guilt that glued him in place. All he could think about was everything he had said to Yoru as well as the way his friend’s shoulders dropped. Phoenix knew he was a terrible person, but he didn’t think he could be so cruel. What was he going to do now?

Chapter Text

Phoenix cursed under his breath as he attempted to call Yoru for the hundredth time to only be sent to voicemail. After being left alone, it took Phoenix about an hour before to rush out of their apartment in search for his friend. He had tried to call Yoru before leaving the house, but hearing the robotic female voice tell him to call back later over and over again wasn’t helping ease his frustrations. 

He had driven over to Yoru’s workplace, the mall, a nearby park, as well as the empty tunnel — but every location left him empty-handed. As badly as Phoenix wanted to check the hilltop Yoru had taken them to, he had no idea what the address was. 

“Come on man…” he whispered to himself, his car parked near the exit of the tunnel. He chewed at his lip as he listened to his phone ring. 

“The number you are trying to—” Phoenix slammed his fist against the steering wheel of his car, ending the call before he could listen to the grating robotic voice any longer. 

Calling Yoru wasn’t going to work, but Phoenix couldn’t help but scroll back down to his name in his contacts to try one more time . He couldn’t give up. Before he could call again, his eyes caught the contact right under Yoru’s. 

‘Yoru’s scary guard dog.’ The contact name read, and Phoenix felt his palms moisten with sweat. Asking Omen about where Yoru might be would probably be his best chance at finding his friend — but talking to Omen after hurting one of the few people he cared about wasn’t a good idea. He’d get more than just an earful from the man.

But Phoenix needed to get over his fear, because finding Yoru was his top priority. He needed to make sure he was at least safe. 

After a silent prayer to whatever higher being was watching over him, Phoenix pressed on Omen’s name to start a call. The more the phone rang, the more his fear escalated. Before he could end the call, he heard a click. 

“What do you want?” Were Omen’s opening lines, and Phoenix could hear the anger from over the phone. He did not sound happy — obviously. Phoenix could only hope he was angry for a different reason, like the fact that he decided to call him in the first place. 

“Omen! It’s so great to hear your voice again,” his voice shook nervously. “Yoru’s just uh — he’s been out for a while and I was wonderin’ if you-” 

“I know what happened,” the man on the other line cut in darkly. “Yoru told me.” At least he didn’t need to explain it himself. 

As frightening as it was to have Omen know of his mistake, Phoenix couldn’t help but sigh in relief. That meant Yoru was okay and there was a possibility Omen knew where he was, or that maybe he was at Omen’s house. “Is he there with you? Or did he tell you where he was goin’?” He asked hopefully. He was ready to beg and grovel for the chance to apologize. 

“Why do you wanna know?” He asked stubbornly. “So you can yell at him again? Not satisfied with what you did earlier?” 

He couldn’t believe his ears. Sure — Omen had every right to be angry at him, but he already felt bad enough, he didn’t need Omen to berate him for his mistakes. Even if he knew he deserved it, he just didn’t want to hear it from him of all people. “You don’t know anything.” But Yoru’s side of the story was probably all the information he needed, ‘cuz there wasn’t anything else outside of the argument…as far as Phoenix was aware. 

Omen chuckled. “I think I do — I told Yoru you’d end up like every guy he’s been with and I was right . You’ve done enough, just leave him be.” 

“I need to talk to him!” Phoenix yelled into the phone, frustrated at the lack of help as well as finding out Omen had already predicted something horrible would happen. He couldn’t help but ponder everything Omen might’ve said about him. Nothing positive, obviously. 

“You’ll just make things worse!” The other man yelled in return. “What do you plan on doing once you find him? If he sees you right now it’ll just hurt him more, he needs to be alone right now.” 

“Did he tell you that?” Phoenix snapped back, annoyed. 

Omen scowled. “I think I know Yoru better than you do.” 

“Of course you would,” Phoenix remarked with a dry laugh. “‘Cuz it was your glorious plan to pretend to like him ‘cuz you — apparently — knew it’d be for the best if you two-timed him. I should obviously listen to you when it comes to what’s best for Yoru.” 

It was silent for a moment, and Phoenix wondered if he had said anything at all. Just as Phoenix was ready to end the call and go back to wasting gas by driving up and down every street, there was finally a sign of life on the other side. 

“Just be honest with me — with yourself,” Omen finally whispered after a moment of reflection, as he let Phoenix’s words fully sink in. “What are your feelings for Yoru?” 

And it was Phoenix’s turn to turn to stone as he was asked the same question he’d ask himself on rough nights. If he was only able to come to a conclusion himself, maybe then he wouldn’t be going through such troubles. “I don’t know.” He finally admitted, but he didn’t even believe himself. He obviously felt something for Yoru, but he wasn’t sure how deep that feeling ran. 

“That’s it?” 

It wasn’t. “How’d you know you didn’t love Yoru?” He asked, and it probably would’ve made more sense if he asked how Omen knew he was in love with Cypher. 

“I do love him,” was the reply. “Not the way he wanted…not the way I should’ve while I was dating him. The way he looked at me while we talked, how he’d run his fingers through his hair, and the smile he reserved just for me — for you.” And Phoenix couldn’t help but be taken aback at the final statement. 

Because Phoenix loved the rare smile Yoru would direct towards him. It was different when he was with Jett as well as Brimstone, and he craved it more than he should’ve. Knowing those smiles were now just for him made Phoenix’s heart beat painfully. Yoru really does love him. 

Another sigh came from the other side. “I’m going to send you the address to Yoru’s location,” Omen said, and Phoenix could feel his heartbeat quicken. “As long as you promise me you’ll think about whatever’s going on inside your head. You might not trust me when it comes to Yoru’s needs, but I do know he’ll want an answer — a real one. If you decide you truly don’t know, or that you don’t like him, don’t bother finding him today…just give him some time to himself.”  

Phoenix was already starting his car up again, unable to stop himself from shaking. The request was heard loud and clear…but what if Phoenix truly did decide he didn’t like Yoru romantically? The thought of not apologizing in person didn’t sit right with him. “What made you change your mind?” He asked, fiddling with the switches that lowered the windows.

“I guess I needed to move on,” Omen replied after a moment of thought. “I’ve deprived Yoru the ability to grow — always thought I was doing it to keep him safe. Now I know I’ve just been holding him captive, and I forced him to stay feeling like he’s still a teenager…but ever since he met you I can see he’s finally found himself. He’s been happier…and I can’t keep that from him.” 

Phoenix set his phone down in the cup holder, resting his hand on the gear stick. “Thank you,” he said. “For helping me out even after I fucked up.”

Omen chuckled softly, and hearing the lack of hostility in his voice was enough to re-energize his spirits. The friendship between them hadn’t solidified, not yet, but Phoenix could only hope he’d be able to interact with Omen civilly one day. “I fucked up and I’m still here…I’ll leave you to think. Make the right choice.” And the call ended with a long beep. 

There was one place Phoenix knew he could find his answers at. 

-

The awkward silence inside of the diner wasn’t how Phoenix expected the conversation to go. Brimstone was getting ready to clock out and allow the closing shift to take over, but the older man knew he’d be staying at the diner a little while longer the moment he saw Phoenix’s face as he walked through the door.

When it became apparent that Phoenix wasn’t ready to talk, Brimstone busied himself by making all of his favorite items on the menu, leaving the boy in his office. It allowed for the college student to gather his thoughts in order to explain everything fully, and the food was just a large bonus. 

After watching Phoenix take small bites out of his chicken tenders, Brimstone finally caved. “Why’re you here kid?” He asked with a sigh — not only was he stuck at work, but he had to lead the conversation as well?

“I fucked up.” Phoenix mumbled, swirling his half eaten chicken around in the ketchup. 

“On your finals?” Brimstone asked in confusion after Phoenix refused to elaborate any further. 

He just sighed, as if the question had annoyed him. “With Yoru,” Phoenix admitted. At the mention of the other male, Brimstone immediately perked up. It was rare for Phoenix to seek him out to talk about something on his mind. He always went to his parents, of course. “Can I tell you something? And can you promise not to freak out?” 

Brimstone nodded in encouragement, already betting silently about what he was going to say. “Go on.” 

Phoenix sighed. “Yoru and I aren’t actually dating…we were pretending so we could get everyone off my back for bein’ single,” if Phoenix wasn’t busy dunking his fries in his ketchup, then he would’ve seen the way Brimstone simply nodded at the information, completely unfazed. “And we got closer because of it! We showed each other our favorite spots and I… he likes me — like actually likes me…and I dunno if I feel the same way.” 

Now this? This wasn’t at all what Brimstone was expecting. The man knew Yoru liked Phoenix, he didn’t even need Yoru to tell him that he did — he just knew . Never once did it cross his mind that Phoenix was finally starting to sort out his own feelings. About time, he was tired of Yoru coming over to the diner to have a small conversation about how dense Phoenix was. Brimstone missed when Yoru would come over and talk about his bike or asked him about the diner. He didn’t want to hear about his boy troubles yet, he’s had enough of KJ’s Raze troubles.

“What makes you so sure you don’t like Yoru back?” Brimstone asked, trying his best to push Phoenix towards an answer. 

It was silent for a moment. “I’ve never felt the same way Jett and Sage feel for each other for another person, y’know? I’m just scared I’m jumpin’ to conclusions.” The more he thought about it, the more he was confident enough to say that the feelings he had for Yoru were different to what he felt for his friends — that was obvious; but it was hard to tell if it was enough to completely admit he liked him. 

“I just…I dunno man,” Phoenix mumbled, unable to find the words to explain his situation. “I’m so fuckin’ stressed. I thought that once my exams were finished I’d finally feel free, and that the reason I was feelin’ so stiff was because of my tests — but they’re over and I still feel like shit.” The feeling had only multiplied during the day, he probably won’t ever stop feeling bad about it. 

“Can I tell you something?” Brimstone asked after a second of thought. He only got a nod in response. “I already knew you guys weren’t actually together.” He confessed simply with a shrug. 

Phoenix’s head shot up in surprise. “What?” He questioned quickly. “How?”

“I had my suspicions the moment Jett told me you guys were together. I asked Yoru to confirm and he did — he made me promise I wouldn’t tell you I knew so I listened. As much as I want to keep my promise I knew I needed to come clean in order to help you,” Brimstone rested his chin on top the back of his hands, as if to pass Phoenix the baton to speak. His chair squeaked slightly at the shift in his weight. “I told you the truth, so I want you to do the same. Don’t hide anything.”  

It felt like his head was spinning, he couldn’t believe Brimstone had kept the lie for them, not even telling his own daughter. Phoenix knew he couldn’t run from everything any longer. He sighed and braced himself for whatever reaction Brimstone would have once he told him what had happened. “I told Yoru he didn’t mean anything to me today…told him we weren’t even friends,” he couldn’t help but recall the way Yoru froze and how his hands shook at the spiteful words. “Even said that me ever liking him would be impossible — like there was something wrong with him.” 

Phoenix paused, his eyes glossed over with guilt as he thought about how his friend had felt — and what he was probably still feeling. He hit Yoru exactly where it hurt, even bringing up his past relationship with Omen. He knew he was an asshole, but the guilt hadn’t fully set in until now. It hit him like a bullet train. “And I swear I was going to talk to him today about how I felt, thought it’d finally get my head outta my ass…but he was with this guy I don’t really like and I was…” he trailed off.

“Jealous.” Brimstone finished for him. 

“Yeah…” he agreed, knowing he couldn’t deny the ugly feeling that had settled in his stomach the moment Yoru started to hang out with Josh more. The fact that he was so jealous should’ve meant something. “So I got a little angry. We had an argument and he told me I’ve been actin’ weird lately, so I said all that awful shit I just mentioned. He ran out the house after and I’ve been trynna find him for hours . I asked a friend of his for help and he gave me his location…but he told me I couldn’t find Yoru until I knew how I felt.”

“So you came to me for help,” Phoenix nodded at Brimstone’s response. The older man leaned back against his chair to relax. “Yoru came in some time ago as well.” 

Brimstone always knew how to surprise Phoenix. “What?” He yelled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugged. “You didn’t ask,” which was an oversight from Phoenix. He should’ve known Yoru would seek out Brimstone. “He wasn’t looking too good…you really hurt him. I’m not here to give you the talk or make you feel even worse — I just wanna make sure you understand how much you affect him so you know how serious your next  decision will be. I know you’re my daughter’s friend, and I’ve known you longer than Yoru, but I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t grown close to the kid. I care about both of you and I want to help you guys.” 

Phoenix bit his lip; he knew that no matter how viciously Brimstone assured him that he cared for the two of them equally, it was obvious the older man cared about Yoru the same way he cared about KJ. Instead of being bitter over the fact, Phoenix was glad that Yoru had someone to turn to now — someone he most likely saw as a father. He deserved the security. “Was it obvious Yoru liked me? At least to you?” He asked quietly.

There was a tiny chuckle. “Absolutely…that’s probably why everyone believed you two,” he admitted. “I could tell the day you guys walked into the diner that he thought the world of you…but I couldn’t say the same about you…now — realizing you guys weren’t actually dating? That wasn’t hard to figure out…but the moment you guys were becoming something more? That was another mystery.” 

“When’d you start to realize that?” Phoenix asked curiously. 

Brimstone didn’t have an answer — not an answer Phoenix wanted at least. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact time and day, but there were times where he’d forget that everything was just an act. “You two remind me of myself back when I was younger,” Phoenix scoffed, what was up with adults and their ‘when I was younger’ speeches? Brimstone ignored the action and continued on. “I was lucky enough to meet someone amazing. What she lacked physically she made up academically. I hated her — she was always running her mouth off and I couldn’t stand her attitude. I talked about her a lot to my friends and she did the same to her’s. One day, we were paired up for some English project. We had to do a presentation on some book…can’t remember what it was…but we had to meet up after school everyday to work on it.”

Phoenix chuckled and busied himself with his fries to escape how cringy the story was starting to sound. “What? And you guys slowly fell in love with each other?” He asked with a bored look. Brimstone knew he couldn’t be angry, Phoenix was confused and hurt. The last thing he needed was for an adult man to yell at him. 

“We did,” Brimstone confirmed, not bothering to sugar coat his words to make his story any less sappy. “It was slow, and we didn’t realize it ourselves until our friends asked us about it. Should’ve seen how surprised we were when we realized we actually did like each other. It’s easier to find love when you’re looking at it between other people.” Brimstone finished thoughtfully. 

“So are you saying we feel the same way for each other? That I feel the same way?” 

Brimstone shrugged his shoulders. “Do you?” He questioned. 

Phoenix, still sort of in denial of everything, attempted to deflect the question. “So? It didn’t work out then? You and her?” He asked again and took a bite out of one of his chicken strips. 

“No,” Brimstone said and laughed. “Had to make a choice. Stay with her or get the chance to finally find the reason I was even alive. I had to chase what I didn’t know so…I chose the latter.” 

Despite knowing the man for years, Phoenix never actually knew much about Brimstone. He kept a lot of information secret, especially his relationships. Hearing Brimstone recall a tiny high-school romance he had felt foreign. Phoenix wondered if KJ knew the story, but the girl seemed as clueless as they were whenever they asked. 

There was only one question to ask. “Do you regret it?” He eventually voiced. “Leaving her?”

Brimstone shrugged. “Do I? I can’t say I do,” he turned his head slightly to look at one of the picture frames sitting atop his office desk. It was a grainy photo of KJ, a large smile on her face as she showed the camera her latest invention surrounded by various building blocks. “I made my choice, and I’m happy I did. If I stayed with her would I have been given the chance to raise an amazing daughter? If you asked me years ago to tell you the reason I kept going in life…I’d tell you it was to serve our country. Now? I’d say my reason is KJ.” 

Brimstone sighed and leaned against his desk again. “The point is, kid, you’ve got a lot of choices to make in life. You might not like them but that’s the beauty of it, there’s always something there for you,” Phoenix nodded along. “I know you don’t want to hurt Yoru, but it’s not wrong to think about yourself. Whatever you choose, he’ll understand — I know he will.” 

“How would you know that?” He asked. 

“‘Cuz of what Yoru told me earlier.” Brimstone replied simply.

Phoenix couldn’t help but ask. “What’d he say?” But he already knew the answer to that.

“Can’t tell you,” Brimstine replied with a chuckle. At least Phoenix tried. “You can ask him yourself when you go to find him.” He added with a smirk, knowing full well Phoenix was going to run out of the diner in search of Yoru again. He didn’t need Brimstone to spell out his feelings.

And he really didn’t, because the more he thought about losing Yoru, the more the thought started to hurt. Brimstone left someone he loved at the time and didn’t regret it, but Phoenix wasn’t able to say the same for himself. He couldn’t not have Yoru in his life. 

“Can I ask you somethin’ else?” He finally asked after realizing he’d gone through pretty much his entire meal, as well as realizing the older man was starting to look a lot more tired as the minutes went on.  

Brimstone nodded. “Go on.”

“If by chance you met her again, would you wanna try again?”

The soft chuckle was enough of an answer for Phoenix. “No…it’s too late to regret my decision, especially when she’s happy now,” he added, and if Phoenix were in his shoes he would’ve sounded a lot more bitter, but there was only a soft fondness in the man’s rough voice. “But I’m glad I was able to spend some of my life with her, even if it was short.”

Brimstone sat back against his seat, getting comfortable against the stiff leather. “And you?” He asked in return. “If you walked out of the diner right now and went back home instead of going to Yoru, would you regret it?” 

There was only one answer. 

Yes, absolutely. 

Because the thought of Yoru made him weak in the knees. From small details like the faded scar on his jaw to the defined muscles that ran throughout his legs. Phoenix dreamt of running his fingers across every crevice of his body — and it took too long to realize they weren’t nightmares. 

Phoenix spent almost every waking hour with Yoru on his mind; whether the boy had eaten yet, what he was going to make for lunch, if he wanted to watch a show with him — the few days they spent avoiding each other created an uncomfortable silence in his head. As though he’d lost his reason to think — to feel. 

If he let go of Yoru, then he’d spend the rest of his days empty. 

Phoenix shot up from his seat, adrenaline rushing through his veins as his mind ran a mile a minute. All he could make out throughout all the noise was Yoru’s name. “Thank you.” He said breathlessly, leaving the office once Brimstone gave him a tiny nod. 

-

Despite how ready he seemed to be at the diner, being a couple steps from Yoru made his heart beat in a way that felt as if he were dying. Closing the distance felt like trudging through muddy waters, but Phoenix knew he couldn’t back out now. 

“Yoru,” he panted once he was a couple of steps from Yoru’s figure. He was leaning against the railing, shoulders hunched. “I need to talk to you.” He pleaded desperately. 

There wasn’t a reaction, not an immediate one. Yoru continued to look down before sighing and turning around to face him. “What?” He managed to spit out, his voice strained. 

Phoenix took another step closer, trying to lessen the distance between them. Yoru eyed him cautiously. “I wanted to apologize,” he said. “For everything I said — everything I’ve done. I don’t wanna lose you ‘cuz of my mistakes, I can’t lose you.”

Yoru scoffed, picking at his fingerless gloves for comfort. “Bold words for someone that doesn’t mean anything to you.” He muttered bitterly.

“You mean everything to me,” Phoenix corrected quickly, determined to convince the man in front of him that he was more than just his roommate…more than a friend. “And I’ve been dumb to try and push my feelings away, as well as trying to convince myself that every thought I’ve had of you didn’t mean anything. Because it does. You don’t know how badly I wanted to kiss you that day in the tunnel — how much I wanted to kiss you back that one time in front of Jett. The only reason I didn’t was ‘cuz I was scared of how you make me feel.” 

Phoenix took another step forward, and if he reached out he would be able to pull Yoru into his arms; but he couldn’t, not yet. “It feels like I can’t breathe when I’m around you — but I can’t breathe when I’m not . It doesn’t make any sense — and it still doesn’t…but I hated the few days without you there. It felt like I was dying, and seeing you again was like learning how to live again.”

Yoru bit his lip, trying his hardest to not allow himself to get swayed too easily. “What’re you trying to say?” He asked quietly, too impatient to listen to Phoenix waltz around his point. 

“I love you,” Phoenix answered immediately, forcing the man in front of him to finally meet his eyes in shock. The sudden honesty was unexpected. “I’m in love with you, and I can’t believe I didn’t wanna admit it until now — that it took almost losing you to say it.” With the space between them now shortened, Phoenix was able to gently grab Yoru’s hands in his and focused on where they were now intertwined. 

“That one time during dinner you said you haven’t found a reason to stay yet,” Phoenix continued. “And I know it’s selfish of me to say this…but I wanna be that reason. I wanna be part of the reason why you even tolerate this place…even if you don’t need me to remind you why you’re still here or that one day you find someone, or something, better — I still wanna be there for you. Even if it isn’t forever, because I love you…and I’d be an idiot to not have someone as amazing as you in my life.” He finished, his voice shaking as he forced himself to stay calm. 

The silence ticked on, and Phoenix was starting to doubt himself. “What you said today…” Yoru started quietly, but quickly shook his head as he let the words from hours prior run through his mind. Phoenix didn’t need him to say it hurt. “I love you, more than I thought I did, but I’m scared too. Up until now you were so determined in telling yourself you didn’t feel anything for me — and I can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong with me.” 

Before Phoenix could respond and attempt to rid him of his insecurities, Yoru silenced him with another small shake of his head. “And the thought doesn’t hurt anymore, not as much as it would’ve before, at least,” he pulled his hands away from Phoenix’s grip. Before Phoenix could express his disappointment, Yoru brought his hand up to his cheek. “‘Cuz I’m sick of pulling away when shit gets hard. I spent my entire life going through the same emotions every day; anger, disappointment…mild joy — I just wanna love someone so much it hurts again.” 

“Yoru…” Phoenix muttered under his breath, unable to process the position he was in. The hand caressing his cheek made its way to the back of his neck, gently massaging the exposed skin. He felt like he was going to melt.

“And I wanna kiss you so badly it hurts,” Yoru whispered, his eyes trained on the other’s lips. “I want you to want me so much that it pains you too.” 

“It feels like I’m dyin’,” Phoenix replied quietly before closing the distance between them, sinking into the kiss. It was everything he had hoped for, and this time he was initiating it. He could only hope this would fully convince Yoru that he meant everything he’d said. They disconnected from the kiss to gasp for air, the overwhelming emotions made it difficult to recollect themselves. “Everytime I think about you with someone else — see you with someone else, it feels like I’m takin’ my last breath. That’s why I acted weird with Josh and why I can’t stand Omen. He was your first boyfriend, kiss, crush — and he hurt you.”

Yoru couldn’t help but chuckle at the confession. “Are you mad you weren’t the first person to make me feel that way?” 

“I’m angry I ended up doing the same thing.”

Another laugh erupted from Yoru’s mouth as he wrapped his arms around the back of Phoenix’s neck. “Well you were my first fake boyfriend, if that changes anything.” 

Phoenix rolled his eyes and proceeded to hide his smile against Yoru’s shoulder. It didn’t help, but at least he got to have his own title. “What are we now?” He asked hopefully, moving his head to the side so his voice wasn’t muffled. 

Yoru pretended to think about his answer, laughing at the tiny whine from the other man. “What were you hoping for?” 

“I was hopin’ we could start all over,” he answered, straightening his back so they were eye to eye once again. “I wanna be with you, for real this time.” 

As tempting as the offer was, and as much as Yoru wanted accept it, there was still one very important problem they had to address. “What’re we gonna tell everyone?” 

Phoenix shrugged, not wanting to worry about the little things. They were finally able to fix their own problems, the only thing the girls needed to know was that everything would be fine. “We’ll tell them the truth eventually,” both boys laughed, knowing it’d be a long while before they told Phoenix’s friends of their old plan. “What would you have done if I…y’know…”

Although he shrugged Yoru very well knew the answer. “Would’ve been sad about it for a while, obviously,” Yoru replied, recalling his talk with Brimstone. “But I also gained a lot while I was with you. I don’t think Omen and I have really talked about… everything until now. I got to talk to my dad for the last time, met Brimstone, and I even met your friends as well as Josh — who, by the way, is obsessed with another guy if you’re worried about that. Jealousy isn’t a good look on you.”  

“Man, how was I supposed to react? This is all new to me.” 

“I dunno, maybe talk to me first?” Yoru snapped with an angry frown, ignoring the sad look on Phoenix’s face at the scolding. He wasn’t going to give into those eyes. “We can’t both be shit at communication.” 

“I swear I’ll talk to you about how I’m feelin’, scout’s honor.” 

Yoru rolled his eyes, unable to hide his grin. He took the time to map out the man in front of him, taking his time on his eyes. Phoenix, with his head in the clouds, leaned in for another kiss but was quickly stopped by a finger on his forehead pushing him back. Yoru grabbed his hand and intertwined them together. “Let’s go home.” He said.

Phoenix didn’t think he’d find the three words so soothing to his ears. “Alright.” He replied simply, and allowed Yoru to lead him away from the railings and to his car parked sloppily against the side of the road. He probably would’ve driven on top of the grass if it meant getting to Yoru quicker. 

With the sun setting low, and the summer air cooling down, Phoenix finally let himself breathe. He knew this wouldn’t be enough to make up for what he’d done, as well as calm his insecurities, but Phoenix finally understood that loving someone wasn’t supposed to be easy. “I love you.” Phoenix whispered into the silent night, unable to hold in his feelings any longer. The more he stared at the man next to him, the more the giddy feeling in his chest grew. He couldn’t contain it anymore, he could probably scream about the love he felt at the top of his lungs and it wouldn’t be enough to sate his excitement. 

The soft smile he received in return was enough to make Phoenix's knees buckle.

“I love you too.” But maybe Yoru’s reply was enough to keep Phoenix sane. 

Chapter Text

“So you two aren’t breaking up?” Jett yelled into the phone, and Phoenix winced as he looked over to the sleeping figure next to him. 

After a long ride back home, as well as a lot of apologies later, Yoru decided he needed to sleep the emotions off and asked (rather boldly) if he could sleep in Phoenix’s bed with him. Although they’ve technically slept in the same bed before, it was much more different now. 

They were together now — officially, for real — and that meant he could actually have skin to skin contact with Yoru without putting pillows between them. It took a lot of moving around before Phoenix was comfortable enough with Yoru’s whole body against him, but he’s seen enough movies to know not to call his significant other “heavy.” 

Yoru wasn’t an easy sleeper, even with how tired he was he couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the time they had, he thought it was a good idea to discuss their relationship fully. Phoenix couldn’t stop how heated his face had become, because during their conversation Yoru had asked what he was comfortable with, as well as what he was willing to try. 

Although the conversation started innocently enough, Yoru eventually asked if he’d be comfortable sleeping with him in the near future…and Phoenix turned down the idea hesitantly. 

He wanted to do it, don’t get him wrong, but it still felt like he wasn’t ready for a relationship — much less sex. Thankfully, being the amazing boyfriend he was (Phoenix was forced to voice this during their conversation), Yoru didn’t mind the wait at all. Even said they never had to if it’d make Phoenix happy. Which…was most likely not going to be the problem. He just needed a lot of time alone, research, and his right hand for practice until then. 

The pressure was getting to him alright? He had performance anxiety.

So now there they were, lying together after a hectic day. With Jett on call, volume turned to its lowest. 

“Nope,” he replied, popping the ‘p.’ Jett could probably hear his smile. “I got my head outta my ass, thankfully.” 

“ Thankfully is correct,” she snapped. “God you’re such an idiot…where would you be if I didn’t tell you to talk to him?” 

Phoenix rolled his eyes; but he knew that technically everything started because of Jett. If Jett hadn’t decided to move out, called him during his study session at the cafe, demanded an explanation regarding his shiftiness for blind dates, and forced him to talk his feelings out with Yoru — he’d probably be in a tiny apartment completely alone, eating takeout. Dreading the day of another blind date. 

“Thank you,” he eventually whispered, nothing but sincerity in his voice. “For everything.” 

The line was silent before Jett chuckled. “You’re so embarrassing,” she joked before calming down and sighing in relief. It wasn’t even her relationship and it felt like she could finally breathe easy. Especially now that Phoenix would be in a far better mood during their hangouts. “Tell Yoru I said hi alright? I gotta go now, I’ll tell everyone about our talk so we can stop freaking out about it.” 

“Alright, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

“Talk to you tomorrow.” She parroted before ending the call, giving Phoenix some time alone on his phone as he awaited the moment he got tired too. 

“You guys are loud.” 

Phoenix jumped in surprise at the groggy voice and looked to see that Yoru was now half-awake, snuggled against his chest. “Sorry ‘bout that.” Phoenix whispered and ran his fingers through Yoru’s hair, encouraging the boy to fall back asleep. 

“Don’t be, I like listening to you guys talk,” he reassured. “It’s funny.” 

He laughed. “Jett says hi.” Phoenix said with a smile. 

“I know, I heard her,” Yoru replied and proceeded to yawn. “We should hang out again soon…to make up for all the times I wasn’t invited out.” 

Phoenix sighed, feeling horrible about his actions once again. He deserved it though, he’ll let the casual reminders slide. “Yeah I know,” he said, removing his hand from Yoru’s scalp. “I’ll tell the girls tomorrow.” 

Yoru nodded. “Alright,” He whispered, getting comfortable on top of Phoenix’s chest again. “There’s still some questions you wanna ask right?” He added after the quiet hum of the AC filled the room. It was obvious there was still a lingering curiosity in Phoenix’s eyes, Yoru could tell on the drive back home. 

“I don’t wanna ask and seem like I’m jealous…”

“This is a judge free zone.” 

This was obviously a lie, as being judgy was one of Yoru’s top five personality traits. “Do you still feel something for Omen? Even if it’s small? Like…do you ever wish you could’ve tried again with him?” 

And he was fully expecting Yoru to dismiss the question, because it was a horrible thing to ask…as well as awkward. “I love Omen,” Yoru eventually began to say, and Phoenix tried his best not to react negatively. “But not the way I love you…and I know it’s been years since we were together but…” 

Phoenix sighed, understanding where this was going. “He was your first.” 

“Yeah,” Yoru nodded. “And I’ll stop feeling this way eventually — I know I will, ‘cuz I have you now. There’s nothing more to it, trust me.” 

It was definitely comforting to hear, and although he’ll always be a little insecure being Omen’s “replacement” (that wasn’t the right word, but it still hung heavy above his head), he wasn’t going to let it get to him as well. 

“I don’t think I would’ve forgiven you if it wasn’t for Brimstone,” Yoru confessed, fatigue still laced in his voice. Phoenix remained silent, deciding it was best to not feel hurt about it. “But he told me to actually think with my heart for once…and I didn’t really understand what that meant at first, but I started thinking about you…I didn’t really need much of a pep talk from him.”

“Why’s that?”

Yoru thought about his dad, Sage, and Omen. “I guess I’ve gotten better at forgiving people.” He joked softly, fighting the urge to fall asleep mid conversation. 

Phoenix smiled before setting his phone down on the nightstand and relaxing under Yoru’s weight. “Thanks…for giving me another chance.” 

Yoru shut his eyes, ready to surrender to his exhaustion. “Don’t fuck it up,” he slurred. “Stay.” 

“Forever.” Phoenix replied and happily fell asleep next to the man. 

Chapter Text

After a year and a half of writing, and very long hiatuses, I’ll Do Better (When you promise me…) has finally come to an end :”)))) 

I’ll be honest, I wanted to drag this on as much as I could but I knew there wasn’t anything else to write. It was mostly just me refusing to believe I was going to end it, and I’m still in disbelief that after this is posted I won’t have a fic to worry about. (At the moment at least, there’s a lot I wanna write, as well as fics that aren’t Yorunix) 

I was in high school when I started this and now I’m going on to my second year of college, have my license, got my own bank account, and even have a job. I kinda grew up with this fic, as cheesy as that sounds. I mostly started this to kinda comfort my doubts and fears about growing up, and although I’m still terrified, I’m glad I’m still working my way through life with just a tiny bit of confidence. 

The support I’ve gotten for this fic is unbelievable, and I’m gonna miss seeing new comments and replying to all of you. I wanna thank you all for reading this and even getting it to the top of the Yorunix tag, I didn’t think this silly little story would entertain and mean so much to all of you. This story was (technically) my comeback to writing, and you all welcomed me back into it so quickly I dunno how much more I can thank all of you. 

To all my casual readers, hardcore readers, commenters, kudosers, and all the fan artists (u know who u are, thank you for drawing at least one piece of fanart for my work I’m so incredibly grateful to u) thank you again, ily :”))) <3 if u guys wanna talk or know if I’m working on anything my twitter is Dyuriann !!! 

I hope you guys have an amazing day/week/month/year, and until next time !!! Bye bye <3