Chapter Text
To Jungkook,
I know you think that it was all fake. You think that a person like me is incapable of loving somebody. Let’s say there was something human in me and with that miniature human sod, I have loved you like I never have loved anybody. Right now I’m writing a letter that you’ll never receive. You think I played with you but it’s not true. I fell in so deep for you. Now the lights are so bright and I don’t even see you.. You’ll never hear from me again because I don’t think I can survive anymore. I wasn’t joking when i said that I’m delicate. I’m finally going to the clouds.. to float... you made me feel protected and that’s a feeling I hardly get. It’s almost like I have never felt protected before! I was safe and sound with you!! I wish if I can travel more with you because I’m sure you’ll protect me!! You’re younger but why are you so strong? My muscle bunny! It terrifies me because all of this is fantasy! When I ask you to go travel with me , I know you’ll never again.. I betrayed you because that was my job and i stayed true to my job but now I know I have betrayed my heart! You! I never knew that my heart existed but you have lived there. Thank you for being with me when other people asked you not you! I wish if I’m ever reborn, I’ll be born in a place where I could love you! Somewhere you’ll love me too! Somewhere your sandalwood essence would only be mine! I’m so scared to loose you and now that I have lost you, I’m petrified! One day you’ll know that I also existed and loved you once, and when you realize that, I’ll be long gone! Jungkookah!! Never forget me... I existed and died for you! No I’m not jealous that you’ll marry somebody one day because I know you can never love anybody like you loved me!
I feel worse than I ever have! I know you’ll give me a chance again if I beg you to! What I have done cannot be forgiven. This time I cannot beg! You know when you kicked me out, I got gang banged. I know I’m a whore and should be used to fucking but this was not what I do! I don’t feel like a human anymore. They reminded of me my place! I’m tinier than a sod. Even more insignificant. That’s why I’m writing this to tell you that I have decided to stop this pain.. I will walk in to the sea and fill my lungs with water and drown the heart where you once were and always will be! I know soon you’ll be running everywhere trying to forgive me! I know you cannot live without me but this time I’m worn out more than any other day! We are not meant for this life! May be we always met under wrong circumstances and died for each others with tears dancing in our eyes..
I’m a fucking Catherine to the Heathcliff that you, yourself are! I’m sad that I’m leaving the world now but I’m damaged to the extent that I’m afraid of feelings!! We were meant to be each other’s but we spit on each other’s graves baby! That’s where our heavens be!
Jiminie will always love his muscle bunny!
Forever yours,
Park Jimin hyungie!
Chapter 2
Notes:
So Jungkook has received Jimin’s letter and this is a scene from the future year of 2030. Jungkook is writing a reply letter to Jimin that he didn’t even realize to have loved the most! This also has graphic descriptions of suicide or should I also say open ended? Anyways! Read at your own risk if rape and suicide trigger you! This has an ample of angst and NOT A HAPPY ENDING but that’s where their heavens be!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Date- October 13th 2030
To my darling Jimin hyung,
The olive greens by the massive tower still reminds me of you and your effulgent, emerald eyes reflecting all the sun rays at one glance. I have come to the 9th year of living with you but without you!! Hyung, I feel what you felt that day of your death. I feel so tired just like you felt. It is so miserable. I have continuously lied to myself convincing that your suicide letter was just a trick to hurt me. I always thought hyung would come back to me, laughing and mocking me for crying over a fake suicide letter. It looks like I’m also worn out because of this continuous self deceit. Uri Jiminie!! Where are you at? I look at the sky to see you but you never look back at me. Isn’t this punishment too much for abandoning you just one night? You knew I would come back running at you. The scumbags who raped you, it’s 9 years since I cut them in pieces and showered in their bloods. I know you must have been so hurt. You couldn’t take a playful smack from me without falling down! How can such a delicate person stand rape! Hyungie! I have died thousand times for abandoning you that one night! I was young and stupid. Part of me knew that you loved me but my emotions got the best of me. Hyung I know you loved me! I swear to god! I know that. Hyung did they hurt you so much? I will skin myself alive if I can undo what you did to yourself. They never found your body and that gave me hope but now that I have waited for years, I know you are actually gone. My mind doesn’t realize that. The two years with you were the best times of my life. I killed for my profession and you were the polar opposite of me. They say! Opposites attract! And indeed it did!
Hyung.. The only spot of life in me drained , the day my men gave me your letter. You had my heart in your palms my darling hyungie! Oh how dare you torture me! I hate you! I hate you! And I desperately love you! How do I get my tiny fluff ball back? When would I gently kiss the delicate skin of yours? When will I ever see you pout and cry when I tease you? Oh my darling baby! Tell me! You said you felt safe with me! Like you’re home but tell me why did you leave your home? Why did u leave me? I can forgive you for killing me alive but I cannot forgive your your murderer! None other than you, yourself! You beautiful madness! Take me with you! Monster! Oh dear I have loved you!! Why didn’t you wait my love? Why did you give me the worst punishment ever? I want you in my life! My life has no life in it. It is like an empty, bitter pit without you. Hyung I only had one dream and that was to live with you but one cruel night was all it took to shatter my whole world. I forgive you for being a spy. I forgive you for that and I know you knew that I will forgive. I abandoned you just one night and you were badly hurt. Only if I knew, I would have had set the world on fire to save you my love! You were innocent. You were the most innocent creature, I have ever seen. You were always so pure and it took my breath away.
Hyung! This terror of never having you back is eating me away! I think I have waited enough and I think this is the time that I come and find you. I will make you feel safer than ever. Let’s meet in the new world and fall in love again with the memories of former world but only the happy memories. Hyung I will keep your head in my chest and make you go to sleep so you’ll never have bad dreams. I will never let anyone hurt you in the other world. Remember what you called me? The muscle bunny! It’s funny how it was only you who ever called this 6’ tall mafia man a “bunny”. Just like that I knew that you have no replacements! For the last few months, I cannot tell a day that I wasn’t high on marijuana. I know you will hate me for this. I remember you spitting on my mouth and screaming at me not to do drugs! I hope you remember how I stopped doing drugs for you! I just wanted you to be happy with you. You made me realize about the presence of my non-existing heart and you made it beat in to the rhythm of your life songs! And just one day, you left me and this cruel, maleficent core of world. How can such a soft hearted person take such a decision? I still wonder. I’m not that young man in his pre-twenties anymore. I’m starting to age and no, unlike fine wine. Im aging like a withering flower. I don’t know how long, I can just exist like this. I’m writing this letter to a non- existing Jimin. What breaks me the most is that You existed once and owned my poor heart and now that I have lost you..
Hyung now I’m so desperate. Even more than how I was.. I promise you… We will be safe in each others arms and since we couldn’t do it in this life, I am coming for you. Just you wait! Soon.
Love,
Your muscle bunny, Jeon Jungkook
Jungkook folds the letter and kisses it. He carefully puts the letter in middle of his mahogany table. He sees a wine bottle and he simply takes a shot out of the bottle without bothering to pour in to a glass. He smoothly takes out a rifle and smiles emptily at a small photo card carrying Jimin’s face in it. He puts the rifle in his head and one loud banging noise! The pale white wall is colored in fresh crimson stains of blood. The neighbors could swear that they heard a man screaming “JIMIN” before the sound of loud bang.
Notes:
So how did you like the angst? Comments and kudos might influence my decision to come up with the proper story soon! Thanks for reading!!