Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

You are the Primal of Life.

Nyktos’ words rang through my ears, sending icy shock down my spine. A long moment passed before I pushed up from the dais and stood on shaky legs. I could feel the stares of Holland, Penellaphe, and Nyktos on me, calculating my every step. But even I didn’t understand what I was feeling. There had been too many truths revealed today. From the moment I came upon the Shadowlands to now. The truth about Sotoria. My impending death. Sir Holland’s true identity. I hadn’t realized that I was pacing back and forth until Nyktos stepped in front of me and I bumped into his chest. He reached out and grabbed my forearms to steady me. Ignoring the strange sensation I always felt when we touched—which we now knew was the result of the ember of life reacting to its owner—I looked up at his face with wide eyes and stepped back and away from him. Past the swirl of eather in his bright silver eyes… Did I see genuine concern? But I knew better than to believe he cared. That he felt anything other than hatred and distrust for me.

“Sera,” Nyktos said softly. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

He stared intensely at me, and it felt like he could see into my soul. It made me feel weak. Vulnerable. I glanced at the goddess and Arae watching us silently and inhaled shakily. I could feel Nyktos’ eyes boring into the side of my face but I ignored him. My chest felt tighter every second that passed and I swallowed the burn that was building up my throat.

“Is there anything else we should know about?” I forced out a short laugh. “Another big revelation about my identity?”

Penellaphe smiled sadly and shook her head at me. “I know this is a lot to take in. But you must understand the importance of the role you play in this prophecy. Your future. For the future of all the realms.”

I turned to look at Holland in shock, remembering what he had once told me.

You carry hope within you.

You carry the possibility of a future.

Gods, that felt like ages ago.

I narrowed my eyes on Holland. “You’ve told me these things. Weird bits and pieces that now make sense. Everything you’ve ever told me or done for me, it all hinted to this—this prophecy. My fate. How is that not interfering? How is that fair? This doesn’t make any sense.”

Holland lowered his lashes and stepped forward, his voice low but steady. “I’ve done the best I could for you, Sera. I did more than I should have, but it was the best for you. I know what you’re capable of—”

My eyes were growing increasingly hot as Holland spoke to me. The look in his eyes and tone of his voice were too familiar, taking me back to the times when we would train at the Wayfair Castle and I would try to tell him that I wanted to quit training. He had always refused my protests. He had always believed in me for some gods forsaken reason. And that made me feel upset.

I blinked rapidly and in a surprisingly steady voice, I told him, “What does it matter what I’m capable of? I’m most likely to be dead in a few months’ time.”

“You will not,” Nyktos growled. I slowly turned in his direction and saw his pupils flash a bright silver. He tilted his head and glared at me. “How could you easily accept that fate?”

Anger pulsed through my veins, eliminating the sadness I felt a moment ago. I stood tall and faced him directly. “If you were listening to anything they just said, I don’t have much to work with here. Surely, you know that.”

A muscle ticked in Nyktos’ jaw. He looked away and didn’t say anything. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

He is incapable of love. Hurt settled deep inside me, squeezing my heart.

After a long, painful moment of silence, Penellaphe clasped her hands together and looked at Holland as they stepped toward the entrance where Ector and Rhain were standing guard. “We have told you all that we know, and now it is up to you to decide what is next from here.” 

“Wait.” I shot forward and grabbed Holland’s arm. I saw Nyktos take a step closer to me in the corner of my eye. I opened my mouth and didn’t know what I planned to say, but I had to say something. “I have so many questions still."

Holland looked down at me and laughed softly. “You always do, don’t you?”

“Could I…” I looked him in the eyes and felt my heart pound through my chest. I saw the familiar warmth in his eyes and it made my throat tighten up again. “Could I have a moment with you?

He exchanged a look with Penellaphe and she turned to speak to Nyktos, who was watching me very intensely. “Why don’t we step outside with the rest and let them have a word?”

Nyktos stood still for a moment and glared at Holland, but eventually led Penellaphe out of the chamber. Right before the doors closed, I caught his gaze. “I’ll be outside. Don’t cause more trouble.”

I rolled my eyes as they left, leaving me alone with Holland, who watched us with a faint grin. “He is…”

“Insufferable?” I muttered.

Holland tilted his head to the side, looking curious. “This doesn’t have to be complicated, Sera.”

I huffed at him. “Everything about my life is complicated. And now you throw this prophecy at me. Nothing about this is easy.”

“That is true,” Holland agreed. “But that is not what I was referring to. I speak of Nyktos.”

I gritted my teeth and changed the subject. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I cleared my throat. “Will you go back to Dalos soon?”

I heard him laugh softly, sparking irritation in me, but it quickly went away as he nodded. Pressure pushed against my chest and I looked down, remembering the breathing technique he taught me. He was leaving soon and I wasn’t sure if this would be the last time we would speak to each other.

“I’ve done my part here and I am confident that you are in good hands.” I shook my head, frustrated, as he was speaking but he lifted a hand as if to calm me. “You are a warrior, Seraphina.”

“I am not,” I forced out, my voice cracking. “Stop saying that. I am not what you say I am. I have done wrong against many. I am no warrior—I am a monster. You’ve trained me to kill. That is what I do. That is all I know.”

“Sera.”

I interrupted him, no longer able to hold back my emotions. I trembled as I said in a whisper, “I cannot be the heir to the realms. The gods here do not trust me. Nyktos does not trust me. How do you have so much faith in me?”

“Sera,” Holland said softly, once again. He stepped closer and placed a hand on my shoulder. It was warm, heavy, and familiar. It was comforting. And he was going to leave. Again. I squeezed my eyes shut and stepped forward before I could stop myself. My arms went around his torso and I hugged him, leaning the side of my face to his chest. I felt him stiffen against me, then he relaxed and placed a hand in the middle of my shoulder blades. “If there is anything I know to be true, it is that you truly are capable, Seraphina. You have the power. It is time to accept it.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I squeezed him once more and stepped away. I kept my gaze down, knowing that I would break down if I looked into his eyes once more. “Before you go, I just wanted to say…”

Thank you.

The words lodged in my throat before I could show him my gratitude for the years past. Aside from Ezra, he was one I truly called a friend. Regardless of who he really was or what he was in my life. He showed me kindness and compassion and never judged me for my misdeeds. I cleared my throat. “I won’t see you again after this, will I?”

Holland’s eyes softened as he shook his head at me. “Not even the Fates know what will happen from now on.”

Okay. Well. “You don’t have to be so technical about it.” I muttered. “I’m trying to have a moment with you here.”

He chuckled. “You’ve changed, Seraphina.”

I frowned at that. “Have I?”

“Not in a bad way.” Holland amended. “The Shadowlands  have done you well. You seem to have…come alive.” He looked towards the large doors leading to the hallway outside the chambers, where Nyktos and Penellaphe waited. “You’re stronger now, albeit a little soft.”

I lifted my chin. “I can still fight better than most. So I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My thoughts lingered on his words. Deep down, I knew that he was right. Going back to Lasania would take me two steps back. I felt happier, more comfortable here. I felt like I was home. I started to care for the people—the gods. The draken. Even their Primal. 

Nyktos.

Ash. 

I knew I never would have gone through with the deal. I couldn’t throw all of this away. I made a mistake, and I needed to fix it. To regain their trust. His trust in me.

“Well, then. I know you are delaying the inevitable.” Holland took a few steps forward and looked back at me, his eyes glistening. Or maybe I imagined it. “But I do have to go.”

Sadness took root inside me, but I took a deep breath and drifted toward the doors leading out of the chamber. Holland fell into step beside me, silence settling in between us. I released my breath as I opened the doors, immediately making eye contact with Nyktos, who started to walk towards me.

Holland touched my arm gently, turning me toward him. He ducked his head so we were at eye level. “You are not alone in this, Seraphina.” He looked up, watching the Primal approach us. “He cares for you. Deeply.” He straightened as Nyktos and Penellaphe reached us. The latter smiled at Holland and gently brushed his hand. I suddenly remembered the kiss I shared with Nyktos earlier. How right it felt to me. How quickly he brushed me off after. It sure didn’t seem like he cared much, if at all. Not anymore, after what I did to him. To all of them.

“Shall we go?” I jumped as the man whom Penellaphe called Ward said from behind me. I forgot he was there. Nyktos looked at Ector and Rhain, who nodded and started to lead the three visitors away. Nyktos and I watched them leave, my heart aching as I stared at Holland’s back. Suddenly, Penellaphe turned back to us, giving Nyktos a pointed look.

“Do not forget, Nyktos. It’s time you accept it.”

I reminded myself to ask Nyktos about that later. For now, I kept my eyes glued to Holland’s retreating back. Right before they turned a corner and disappeared from our view, I whispered out to him, and it rang through the empty hall.

“Thank you. Truly.”

Chapter Text

Reaver, the Babysitter

My head throbbed for the remainder of the day. The hollowness I felt in the morning came back, tenfold. The shock of seeing Holland—the Arae—again, just to say goodbye to him crept through and crashed on me. Nyktos barely looked at me after they had left, which bothered me greatly. He seemed to be avoiding my gaze for some reason. I felt unwanted. Hidden, once again.

“Are you listening to me?”

I glanced down at the crimson eyes that were narrowed, waiting for me to answer.

“Pardon me, Reaver. I didn’t catch what you said.” I said sheepishly. I didn’t bother joining Nyktos as he shared the information we learned today to Nektas and the gods in the dining hall. I didn’t have to be in the room to know how they would react. How they would look at me. I couldn’t stand another moment being pitied or scrutinized. It was not what I needed right now.

Reaver was waving his hands animatedly as he told me a story about how Jadis bit the side of his tail and it left a mark on his butt. I smiled. Reaver didn’t have to walk on eggshells around me. He didn’t care what I did or who I was. I was shocked that Nyktos didn’t assign one of his guards to chaperone me back to my chambers, but I was glad to have Reaver distract me. He decided that it was a good time to walk through the gardens instead of where Nyktos asked him to take me, and it’s a good thing that Nyktos had a soft spot for the draken.

I was sitting against a large boulder with Reaver by my side as he talked and picked at the grass. He was truly going to talk my ear off while my headache was turning into a migraine. With all the adrenaline from the day gone, I realized how weak and dizzy I felt from the blood loss from Taric’s bite. Thinking about what happened raised bumps along the skin of my arms, and I shuddered. Yearning for some food and the medicinal tea, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, turning to the side facing Reaver so that my cheek touched the cool rock behind me.

I didn’t realize I dozed off for gods know how long, until I jolted awake when I felt something poking my cheek. Repeatedly.

“Hello,” Reaver said. “You need to go back to your room now.”

“Reaver,” I mumbled, keeping my eyes closed. My body was aching and I didn’t bother moving from the ground.  “It’s okay. I’ll watch you from here.”

“Really?” A deeper voice chimed in. “Because it seems that Reaver is the one watching you.”

My eyes flew open as a familiar citrusy scent reached my nose. I looked up and saw Nyktos towering over me, an amused look on his face. He turned to the young draken. “I’ll take it from here, Reaver-Butt.” My gaze followed Reaver as he bowed and quickly ran out of the garden, joining Nektas—who I didn’t realize was there, waiting for the boy—as they left us alone.

Nyktos knelt down on the grass in front of me and reached a hand out to brush my hair away from my face. He cupped the side of my head and lifted it from the boulder. His other hand held a tankard, and I assumed it was the good stuff. “Drink. Reaver told me about your headache.” 

Surprised, I widened my eyes at him. “How—?”

“He’s more aware than you think.” Nyktos lifted the tankard to my lips. “Drink first.”

Nyktos had said before that the draken had heightened senses, but I didn’t realize that Reaver would already know what pain smelled like at the ripe age of ten. I lifted my weak hands to take the drink as Nyktos held it steady for me. I downed the tea in one long gulp. My nose scrunched as it burned down my throat, warming up my core. Already starting to feel better, I moved to sit up straight, but the ground spun. I fell forward and placed my palms flat on the grass.

“Whoa.” Nyktos grabbed my forearms, gently leaning me back on the boulder. He frowned as he looked at me. “Easy there. How are you feeling?”

“Dizzy.” I breathed out and closed my eyes again. “I think I need to remain a while longer. You don’t have to wait for me. I’m not going to do anything stupid.”

“I never said you were.” He said after a short pause, feeling his gaze lingering on my face. Why was he acting this way with me? It was all so irritating, so confusing. One day he’s cold and aloof, the next he’s kind and caring. “Let’s get you back inside.”

Before I could protest, I was lifted off of the grass and my body met a hard, warm wall of citrus and smoke. I opened my eyes and gasped as I clutched at Nyktos’ shoulders on instinct. He was carrying me. Gods. “You could have warned me!”

Nyktos and I were almost eye to eye from here, his face mere inches from mine. I could see his throat move up and down as he swallowed and looked away. He walked through the halls and started making his way up to our joined chambers. “You’re going to catch a cold if you remain here any longer. I had Aios bring some towels and draw a bath—in my chambers, not yours.”

I blinked as I took in his words. I think he was… referring to the incident with Hamid. How I said that I would never bathe in my chambers again after what happened. A knot formed in my throat as I peeked up at him. Nyktos faced forward, his jaw set, and silver eyes swirling with eather. Even after what I did to him, he was still thoughtful and considerate. Gods, he was making this so hard for the both of us.

Feeling lightheaded, I slowly lowered my head, my forehead resting on the crook of his neck. His skin was warm, and the touch sent tingles throughout my body. I nestled in and inhaled his scent, clasping my hands around his neck, unable to control myself. What was I doing?

It must be the migraine.

That’s what I told myself.

Nyktos tensed under me briefly, then relaxed. He shifted me in his arms and lifted me a bit higher, holding me tighter to his body. I wished we took the longer way back to our chambers. I would give anything for a moment longer with him. With us. Sera and Ash.

Even if it was just pretend.