Chapter Text
“And THIS! And this, this, this, and THIS!”, Atsushi keeps clicking something on his computer and then throws away one Post-It at the time. “Is this just to check or in addition to what you bought yesterday?!”, I sigh. “No,no,no, yesterday was just to make the list! Also the plushies, decorations, organizing the personnel… But the flowers have to be FRESH! Now, where are the black roses?!”
The rest of the Agency glares at him. “Must be nice…,” Yosano mutters in a frosty voice. “Young love, huh?”, Tanizaki says with venom. “I guess we singles will just have to go fuck ourselves!”, one of the assistants growls.
Dazai kinda walks around Atsushi’s desk without stopping. “All good?”, I ask him. Atsushi looks up from his computer. “Well, uh,” Dazai stutters, “Atsushi, you are in a healthy romantic relationship, right?” “Romantic?!”, Atsushi slams his computer shut. “Healthy?!”, his voice high-pitches while he crawls over his desk and grabs Dazai’s necktie. “It is the most best, most romantic thing EVER!” He seems to be really close to bursting out into a song. “How do you do that?”, Dazai asks, shyly. “Waaaaaaaaaait,” Atsushi looks at Dazai closely. “I know that face… that’s the face of someone in LOVE!”, he sings the last part.
Dazai looks at him. “I am just afraid of making a mess! Atsushi… how do you do it? How can I be… suave?” Atsushi’s eyes start to shine. “Woo them,” he whispers. “Admire them,” he gets closer. “Make them feel like they are the most sublime creature on earth~”, he gets a dreamy look on his face. “...That’s it?” Atsushi gets mad and grabs his face. DAZAI! Get your head in the game! You want to hold them?!” “...yes?” “Please them?!!!!” “...huh?” “Then you got-ta try a lit-tle tenderneeeeeeees!”, Atsushi starts singing.
“Goddamnit! Now he’s in the zone again!!”
— Meanwhile
“What are you doing there, brother?”, Gin appears behind Akutagawa and looks at his computer. “...What the hell are you looking at?” Akutagawa slams his computer shut. “None of your business!”, he yells. “Too late, I already saw the pink, heart shaped cushions.” Akutagawa growls. “Are these for who I think they aaaaaaaaaare~? …Why though?” “Because I KNOW that Jinko is going to go batshit CRAZY today and I don’t want to be the asshole that doesn’t have anything for HIM!” “Just get him something on White Day…”
“I can’t with all these stupid holidays, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!”, Akutagawa grumbles while scrolling through the website again. “I just know that that idiot will go all out, no matter what I do, he’ll just do it better, that bitch!”
Gin stares at him for a bit. “I think I can help you with that!”, she gets an idea and quickly goes to find Higuchi and whispers something to her. Higuchi blushes and sneaks Gin something without anyone noticing.
“I got it!”, Gin waltzes back and presents the object. Akutagawa inspects it closely. “...Chocolate lipstick? That sounds like the most disgusting thing I’ve ever-” “I bet if you wear that, Atsushi will lose his mind!”, Gin laughs. “Though you may want to take the next day off~.”
Akutagawa blinks slowly at her. “First of all, gross, second, not gonna happen. Me and Jinko agreed to leave all the sexual stuff to when he’s of age.” Gin looks at him as if she was scared. “Wait, what?”, she asks in a shaky voice. Akutagawa huffs. “I know this doesn’t fit into your fundojukin’s brain, but our relationship is just like a normal one! We decided to take things slow.”
Gin raises her finger. “First of all, I can differentiate between your real relationship and the fanfic I read to my fellow fujoshies every tuesday evening-” “Wait what?!” “-and second, I am seriously worried! Atsushi is the second most horniest person I have ever met! And you want to tell me, he agreed to wait for another year? You do realize that he will appear at 00:01 on his birthday and let all his pent up horniness out!” Akutagawa rolls his eyes. “I am not going to discuss this with you!”
To his luck, they are interrupted by a knock on the door. “Excuse me, I have a few deliveries for a Ryūnosuke Akutagawa.” Akutagawa signs the paper. “Alright boys, bring them in!”, the delivery man waves and in a neat line, more delivery people walk into the room and put big rose bouquets on every free surface. Akutagawa, expecting this, just sighs while thinking that he will just give the bouquets to anyone who passes him today. Gin doesn’t know if she should feel happy that her brother’s boyfriend is so caring or if she should burn all these roses in a fit of jealousy. “Fuck you, brother,” she mumbles. “No,” Akutagawa responds.
“Baaaaaaaaabeeeee! Your baby is heeeeeeeere!”, Atsushi waltzes into the room, holding about three more bouquets. “I thought it would be more romantic if I brought everything myself, but I couldn’t carry everything!”, he waves at the delivery people.
“Jinko… Come on,” Akutagawa sighs. Atsushi gives him big cutesy kitty eyes. “I know you don’t care about holidays, especially now when everything is capitalized by big corporations exploiting the feelings of the normal people, but the flower shops don’t have enough roses on the other days…” Akutagawa raises his nonexistent eyebrow. “Also, when I asked for black roses, I was told to go kill myself, so I had to stick to red roses, the sexiest flower, obviously, I also wanted to get some tulips, you know, because it sounds like “two lips” and that’s really romantic, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you, so I’ll do that next year, okay? Since I don’t know what kind of chocolate you like, I just got some of all!” More delivery people get in the room, this time with differently shaped boxes. “Watch out, some of them have alcohol in them!”
“What… the hell?!”, Kouyo sticks her head in the room. “Oh,” she says as she sees Atsushi. “You want help with all that?”, she asks Akutagawa and gestures at… everything. The delivery people are now bringing in balloons. The room is getting kind of full. “Ah, Kouyo, I have something for you,” he hands her a cute little bag filled with cookies. “Ne-chan made Kyu and Kyouka bake some cookies so that the others don’t get depressed and they made some for you!” Kouyo stares at the little bag with its little bow as if it was a national treasure. “Also for you,” he gives Gin another little bag. “And everyone else,” he keeps giving Gin more bags. “...where did you keep these?”
“And I don’t expect anything from you, I know your love language is Quality Time, so I am prePARED! I made a list of all the things we could do today! You can pick whatever you want! My personal favorite, is couple-pottery! But we can also go couple-sailing, couple-crêpe-eating, couple-built-a-bear or couple-killing-a-few-people, I don’t know if Mori got my e-Mail where I asked him to not send you on a mission today, he didn’t respond...” “...One moment,” Akutagawa turns away, sighs, rolls his eyes and puts on the chocolate lipstick. Gin bites her finger to not burst out laughing. Akutagawa turns around and gives Atsushi a deep kiss. “Enjoy,” he says. Atsushi’s mind is blank. His tongue slowly licks the chocolate on his lip. As if he suddenly snapped back into reality, he lets go of the bouquets he has been holding at this time, walks to the wall and punches it, leaving a dent. “Alright, we can go now.”
Gin watches both of them leave. “Rest In Peace, bro. Rest… In… Peace…”