Work Text:
ADULT SHAUNA, ADULT TAI, ADULT MISTY, and ADULT NAT have their backs to the wall as the cult closes in. The four people in front lower their hoods to reveal some familiar faces, as we hear eerie female vocalizing.
ADULT JAVI:
It was always going to end this way.
RANDY WALSH:
For justice delayed will never be justice denied.
REMAINING TWO-THIRDS OF VAN:
*unintelligible mumbling*
CALLIE’S FRIEND ILANA:
You should have known that in the end, Lottie Matthews would never let you escape what you’ve done.
We push back deep into the ranks of the cult, where we find ARIANA from NAT’S REHAB STINT, who elbows CAT WHEELER.
ARIANA:
No, but seriously, who the fuck *is* Lottie Matthews? I feel like I’m still super unclear about that.
We return to our MAIN CAST.
TAI (in Buffy the Vampire Slayer outfit, complete with stake):
Ready, ladies?
NAT (arm replaced with a chainsaw)
Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit drinkin’.
MISTY (has scissorhands):
And the right day to skip lunch.
SHAUNA (inexplicably dressed like Daria):
Because meat’s back on the menu. (She lifts a very heavy-looking club labeled “The Girl In The Train Window.")
Our heroes and the cult charge at each other to the tune of FIONA APPLE’S CRIMINAL as we…
…cut to the private plane back in 1996, as TEEN SHAUNA suddenly jerks awake, gasping for breath.
The camera pans to a concerned-looking JACKIE in the next seat, who lovingly brushes a hand down the side of SHAUNA’S face, PLATONICALLY.
JACKIE:
Whoa, Shauna. Shauna, it’s okay, what’s wrong?
SHAUNA:
Are we crashing???
She leans over Jackie and opens her window, to reveal the plane is clearly at a downward angle to the horizon.
JACKIE:
…no, we’re landing. We’re almost in Seattle. You slept the whole flight.
JACKIE is charmed but confused by SHAUNA’s odd behavior. Well, not *confused* confused, just confused.
SHAUNA leans back into her seat. JACKIE clearly mourns the loss of physical contact.
SHAUNA (still catching her breath):
I had the craziest dream. Our plane crashed in the forest. We did this whole Lord of the Flies thing and killed and ate each other, and then some of us got rescued after like a year and a half, and then we got blackmailed, and there was a cult…
We cut to LOTTIE and LAURA LEE across the aisle, who are looking on with concern, then return to SHAUNA, who turns to them.
SHAUNA (points to LAURA LEE):
You were there! You exploded in a plane crash, but, like, a different plane crash!
Laura Lee looks a little put out.
SHAUNA (to LOTTIE):
And you could see the future!
JACKIE looks at LOTTIE, who shakes her head. Then LAURA LEE catches her eye, and LOTTIE shrugs, adding a “well, a little bit” hand gesture.
VAN and TAI work up the center aisle. VAN’s hair is oddly draped over the left side of her face, but other than that they’re fine because they’re ENDGAME. (WATCH THE WHOLE EPISODE, it makes TOTAL SENSE.)
SHAUNA:
You kept getting lit on fire and living! And *you* were a state senator!
TAI seems intrigued at this possibility. So does VAN.
NAT, COACH SCOTT, and MISTY come up the aisle behind them.
SHAUNA (points to NAT):
You grew up to be Juliette Lewis!
NAT (pumped):
From Natural Born Killers? Sick.
SHAUNA:
And *you* chopped off *your* leg with an axe and then poisoned you a bunch!
MISTY nervously tugs at the collar of her shirt.
COACH (non-plussed):
Uh huh.
He focuses his attention on JACKIE, who is giving SHAUNA a back-rub for no particular reason.
COACH (sternly):
Jackie, did you give Shauna Valium again?
JACKIE (insulted):
No! (Beat, then chagrined) Yes.
COACH SCOTT (with a sigh):
Every time…
Our whole 1996 cast puts their arms around each other, and gives big cheesy smiles direct to camera, as we start to fade out…
SHAUNA:
Oh! (we reverse the fade as she turns to an admiring Jackie) And I f***** your boyfriend.
Jackie:
WHAT?!?!?!?
Smash cut to black.