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Chapter Text

BAZ

Still crying. This is the second night since his breakup with Agatha. Last time I told him to shut up or leave, he quieted down. Until he thought I was asleep and the sobbing got louder. I obviously can’t force him to leave so I stayed up all night trying to decide if spelling him silent would invoke the anathema. 

With the curtains drawn, blocking most of the moonlight, it’s nearly pitch black. I try to ignore the dread creeping up in me, thinking of the endless night of pain and noise and blood with the Numpties. There was no light then. But right now there’s still a sliver of light peeking through the curtains.

Knowing Snow is right there helps. It’s almost enough to feel calm. 

But the shuddering I see out of the corner of my eye and the quiet sniffles make me feel uneasy. I do take enjoyment out of causing him to feel a fraction of the suffering he causes me, but this doesn’t sate that part of me. He’s crying over a girl who doesn’t even deserve him. She has the magical ability of a ladle and the personality of a cat. And not a nice cat. The kind of cat that tolerates you because you feed it and usually sits on the other side of the room glaring at you. 

If it’s money and looks that Snow cares so much about, then I could- 

Stop being ridiculous. 

Sleep deprivation is getting to me. Another night of this and I might lose my mind. I could probably cast don’t you cry no more from that Kansas song, but why would I help him? All he does is torture me… And comfort me. But that’s it’s own kind of torture.

I get it Snow, you’re tragically hetero and incurably benevolent. You don’t need to remind me of all the reasons you want me expelled at best and dead at worst at three in the fucking morning.  

The agony he’s causing me is far outweighing the comfort. I need to make him stop, but I refuse to help him. What would get him to leave the room other than a fire?

As soon as I think of something, I stretch and loudly shuffle under the duvet to make it clear I woke up. He’s faced away from me so I quietly grab a pen and parchment and head into the bathroom. 

Once the door is closed, I write in The Mage’s handwriting: 

Simon, urgent business regarding The Humdrum has come up. 

I need to meet you in the restricted section of the library.

I’ll be there as soon as I’m able to. 

Do not leave under any circumstances.

Watford is in grave danger.

-The Mage

I go to the window and summon a bird like The Mage does to deliver messages, then cast, “ Take your time! ” on it so it’s arrival won’t suspiciously coincide with me waking up. But it could take two minutes or two hours, but I’m exhausted and can’t think of anything better. 

I flush the toilet, run the sink then go back to bed and get comfortable to try making everything look convincing, then wait. And wait and wait. It’s difficult to keep my breathing sound steady when I’m bracing for my plan to start. 

Tapping at the window, finally. Snow goes to it immediately. The Mage has done this before so he doesn’t question it. Once he reads the message, he puts on shoes and is out the door in a hurry. The dimbow didn’t even put a shirt on. 

Fuck. I know I wrote that it was urgent but I didn’t think he'd be racing there.

I thought I’d have time to change but I guess not. 

I put on shoes, cast, “ There’s nothing to see here! ” on myself and run out the door after him. 

After years of being stalked by him, I’ve learned to be stealthy and he’s still as loud as a symphony consisting of power drills and rocket launchers played by elephants and macaws, orchestrated by a howler monkey. 

All I have to do is get there without being seen in my pajamas so I can prop a chair behind the door, locking him in, then I’ll finally be able to be plagued by nightmares in peace. 

SIMON

My brain is in a fog and I didn’t realize until I was halfway there that I didn’t grab a shirt. But embarrassment is hardly a concern when Watford is in danger. 

I’m surprised when I get to the building and the lights aren’t on. Then more surprised when the library lights are also off. 

I expected faculty members or covenant members. I must be the first person here. 

It’s dark and quiet so I carefully walk through the rows of bookshelves until I reach the back where the restricted section is. Penny and I have been here at night enough times to know it’s not actually as spooky in there as it sounds. It looks like the rest of the library, it’s just on the other side of a wall. I don’t think there’s any dangerous books in there and it’s not even locked. I think maybe there were dangerous books before The Mage was The Mage. Penny thinks he burnt them all. I’m sure he just moved them to somewhere more secure. 

I go in and I’m about to sit when I hear a book fall, so I say, “Hello?” 

A wave of adrenaline hits me when I realize this might be the danger The Mage warned me about, so I walk back into the main room and cast, “ Come out, wherever you are! ”

BAZ

Snow’s undeservingly strong magic is impossible to resist and I come out from behind a bookshelf.

“Baz?” Simon sounds confused. 

If I leave now, it might take him a few hours to even puzzle this together. A few hours which I could be sleeping. 

I’m about to sneer then confidently walk away and hope he doesn’t follow, but then there’s the sound of the main door being opened and lights start turning on. 

It could be anyone but it’s probably a facility member.

Snow would probably get a slap on the wrist for being here after hours, but The Mage would probably use it as an excuse to expel me, so I shove him into the restricted section and close the door behind us.

“What the hell are you doing?” he snaps at me.

“Trying to keep us out of trouble, so be quiet,” I hiss. 

“I’m supposed to be down here! Watford is in danger!” he says in hushed tones. 

“ Stop talking! ” 

“You don’t understand,” Snow says as I hear footsteps coming this way. 

Without thinking, I cast, “ The adults are speaking! ” and it actually shuts him up. He looks so offended and I’m devastated I don’t have the luxury of mocking him at the moment. 

I grab him and he fights me as I drag him into a closet. He probably thinks I’m trying to eat him because he’s trying pretty hard to fight back.

Once the closet door is shut, encasing us in complete darkness, I have my arms wrapped around him tight, I plead with him to stop trying to kick at the door. 

“It was a prank,” I whisper into his ear. 

Snow shudders against me, with my hands pressed into bare flesh and my mouth against his ear. I wish I could enjoy this scenario. He’s so warm. But it’s far from enjoyable when I’m sleep deprived and he’s trying to break my face and his shuddering is out of fear or repulsion. 

But he stills a little. I still hold on tight. I’m strong but he’s broken my nose once and I don’t think it’d improve with a second break.

“I sent the message, not The Mage. I just wanted to fucking sleep.”

SIMON

His breath is hot against my ear and I’m annoyed by how smooth and deep his voice is, like a velvety rumble, even when he’s panicked about getting in trouble. My voice is ordinary at best and cracks too often when I’m nervous. 

Just another reason why Agatha prefers him. 

“I know I’m a horrible monster and just tried to trap you, but can you be the pious self-sacrificing bastard you are and not get me expelled for this,” he whispers. 

I stomp on his foot because I’m so annoyed at how calming his voice is, even when he’s insulting me and holding me against my will. 

“Please,” he whispers. It’s even more annoying that even the holding is having a calming effect. It almost makes me feel secure even though he’s the threat. 

I’m so bloody tired and lonely that if he gave me enough space, I might even lean into his touch.

I decide to stop trying to fight him and relax my body. He loosens his hold. 

I don’t lean into him. 

The sound of the restricted door opening makes Baz tense against me again. He’s still holding me and breathing into my ear. I still could kick at the door, but I’m too exhausted to get him into trouble for this right now. I’d rather just stay like this with him. I don’t want to shirtlessly explain the prank I fell for right now.

His fingertips dig slightly into my abdomen, but it’s not painful. I don’t think we’ve ever touched each other with anything other than fists. The few times Agatha’s put hands on me, it felt uncomfortable, like those spots were overheating. Baz’s hands are cool and it feels relieving.

Even through his shirt, his chest is cool against my back and it’s frustrating and I’m too fucking tired to understand why. Everything feels weird. 

I feel good and angry. I think. There’s too much going on and he’s even more distracting up close.

That cedarwood and bergamot scent he always has almost makes me want to shove my nose against him. What is wrong with me? Can sleep deprivation induce psychosis? I feel fucking crazed in a way I don’t even know how to explain.

Right when I give in and rest some weight against him, we hear the person leave and this door shut. Baz’s arms drop, letting me go and I almost lose my balance. I turn to ask what the fuck, but nothing comes out.

I can’t see anything but Baz must have his wand out because he casts, “ Speak freely! ” 

“What the fuck?” I ask. 

“ Nothing. This didn’t happen. Neither of us were in the library tonight and if you say otherwise, it’s your word against mine,” he says and blindly shoves me a bit, reaching for the doorknob.

I hear him turn it, then jiggle it before saying, “Fuck, it’s locked!” 

“Baz, you-” 

He shushes me and his breathing becomes a bit labored. 

“Just-”

“It’s too dark! I need to get out of here! Now! ” he snaps at me. 

“Baz,” I say again, trying to remind him he has a wand literally already in his hand. 

“ Be fucking useless quietly before I use your thick skull to break the door down! ” 

I huff. If he’d rather be stuck in here than listen to me, that’s his problem. It’s not like I was going to be sleeping anyways. 

His breathing gets louder and hearing his panic makes my stomach feel weird and tighten. It must be out of anger.

After a few moments I’m about to lose my resolve and tell him to use his wand, but he yanks the doorknob right off and pushes the door open. 

Definitely a vampire. 

But I already knew that. 

He breathes heavily then when he steps into the moonlight from the windows, I see his face sparkle.

… Do vampires actually sparkle?

He moves his hands over his face then through his hair, regaining composure. Then without a word he confidently strides back to our room. I trail behind, barely able to keep up with the jammy bastard and his long legs, feeling awkward and confused about everything. 

When we get there, I fall onto my bed. My brain is so overwhelmed by Agatha, Baz’s shit plot, Baz’s annoying velvety voice, the way Baz’s creepy vampire body temperature felt against me, the fact that he forced me to be subjected to his stupid posh soap smell, the way he held onto me like an evil vice grip that wasn’t at all comforting. All that swirls around but then it quickly just burns out and stops, finally allowing me to fall asleep.

Chapter Text

BAZ

I’m a fucking vampire, for Crowley's sake. I can’t be afraid of the fucking dark. And moreover, I can’t be so scared that I need to hold Snow and nuzzle my mouth against his ear just to feel safe. I could have cast hold still on him. 

I didn’t even need to actually go with him. He would have stayed down there all night without me needing to wedge a chair against the door. 

Was I afraid of being left alone in the room? I could have just turned the damn lights on. 

This is an utter disaster. Snow can still tell The fucking Mage about essentially being held captive. For all I know, Snow could have noticed I was holding onto him more for comfort than for confinement.

I have half a mind to flee the school. Flee the country. But midterms are next week. 

SIMON

It’s unfair on so many levels. I’m stuck sharing a room with the only person here that hates me. And Baz is sorta rude to almost everyone, but I’m the only person he actually hates. 

The Mage never takes me seriously so it won’t change anything to tell him what happened. No one was hurt. He’d just say it’s boys being boys. Or chastise me for falling for it. 

Normally I’d just forget about it. I’d put it on my list of things not to think about. But I can’t. It’s the only thing I can think about. It’s driving me absolutely mental thinking about him holding me in the closet.  

I close my eyes and all I can think about are his cold hands against my bare chest and hot breath against my ear. Sometimes I swear he’s put his soap near me but when I go around and sniff things, I can’t find it. My break up with Agatha has actually caused me to go mad. 

I’m going to get him back for this. 

BAZ

I’m about to get ready for bed but there’s a tapping at the window. 

There’s a pigeon so I open the window to get the note it has, then shoo it away before I eat it. 

In Simon’s sloppy handwriting is:

Baz. please come to my office

I want you to organize it as punishment for tricking Simon

- the mage

PS, burn this note as a safety precaution

I blink at this and consider if Simon knows I’ll know it’s him pretending to be The Mage and it’s part of the plot. He’s not as stupid as I tell him he is but he doesn’t think things through. 

Am I supposed to get caught going through The Mage’s things after burning the note?

I sigh and straighten my tie. I need to do something mean to Snow that will confirm I hate him and was not in fact holding onto him like a child with a beloved stuffed animal. 

I’m just going to show The Mage this note and he can make of it what he will. I’m sure he knows Snow’s handwriting. 

I walk straight there. The lights are on. I’m not sure if The Mage is already there and Snow’s plan would have been foiled even if I fell for it, or if he actually had the foresight to turn the lights on to make me feel expected. 

I go up and make my way to the office and before I even reach it, I smell Simon. Enticing like sweet rolls and buttered popcorn jelly beans. 

I silently open the door and quietly step into the room. Hoping to jump scare him, I loudly say, “Snow, I know you’re in here.”

Silence.

“Snow, don’t make me spell you out. It’s a waste of magic.”

He steps out from the coat closet, huffs and asks, “How did you know I was here?”

“For one, your loud mouth breathing. Why are you even here?”

“Uhh. Official Coven business,” he lies. 

“In the coat closet?”

“Yes,” he says, trying to sound confident. 

I hold the note up and he looks so shocked it’s almost comical. 

“You were supposed to burn that!”

“I thought I’d show it to The Mage first. And on a completely unrelated note, I wonder how you knew I was supposed to burn it. Strange.” 

Before Snow can say anything, I hear faint footsteps from far away and say, “Mm. I think I hear him now.” 

“Hide!” he says quietly. 

I give him my bored expression and ask, “Why?” 

“Come on! I didn’t get you in trouble!” 

“You’re literally trying to get me in trouble now.”

He grabs onto me like I did to him and tries pulling me to the closet. Unfortunately for him, I’m much stronger and don’t budge. 

The footsteps are getting loud enough that I’m sure even he can hear them. 

What a scene to stumble onto. Snow wrestling me while I don’t fight back. He’s digging his own grave. 

I wish I could tell him that, but I don’t want this moment to end yet. It may not be the context I want, but Simon griping onto me, pulling me into him still sates a part of me I wish wasn’t there.

Holding me tight, he puts his mouth against my ear and whispers, “Please.” 

That’s all it takes apparently. I relax my body and allow him to pull me into the closet. I even gently close the door for him. 

This closet is significantly smaller than the one in the library. Snow is pushed up against me, warm and breathing against my neck. I couldn’t push him away if I wanted to. There’s only a few extra inches of space. 

Luckily with the light spilling through from under the door, it’s not too dark in here. Also Snow’s arms are wrapped around me like I did to him. I should have come shirtless. But this means I can keep my breathing even as we wait. 

We hear footsteps as presumably The Mage paces around his office. 

Snow’s nearly panting with his cheek against the back of my head. His arms are wrapped around me but his hands ended up under the blazer and his palms are pressed against the shirt I wish I could will away. 

We hear the creak of his chair and I don’t know if it’s been only a few minutes or over an hour, but eventually Snow’s heart stops beating like a jackrabbit and he seems a lot more calm. He hasn’t let go yet though. 

I try not to enjoy him against me as time goes on. But eventually he realizes this might take a while. 

“What are we going to do?” Snow whispers into my ear.

I never thought about what it would be like to have him whisper in my ear, but it’s apparently the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced and I have to fight to stay composed. I want to lean into him. I want to make him do it more. 

I do nothing, but he does it again anyways and whispers my name. If he does that again, I’m going to have to just walk out and face the consequences before I end up stuck in this closet with a painful erection. 

I take out my wand and cast, “ this doesn’t leave the room! ” before either of those things happen.

“What did you do?” Snow whispers, and I shudder. 

I bump him a bit roughly with my shoulder and say, “I soundproofed the room. Stop whispering.”

“Completely soundproof?” he asks. 

“No one will come to help you, no matter how loud you scream,” I tell him. 

He kicks my ankle and I try to elbow him but give up when the first try hits the wall instead. 

“Why are you so hard?” Snow complains. 

“I’m sorry. What?”

“Your hip is digging into my side and every time my chin brushes against your shoulder, I’m afraid it’s going to break.”

“Have you considered you’re just delicate?” 

That gets me another kick to my ankle. 

“Move,” he says, “before I break my nose on your neck.”

“Where do you expect me to go?” I ask as he’s shoving me sideways. 

He shoves his way in front of me and now we’re face to face. And nearly chest to chest. 

We stand awkwardly like this for about thirty seconds before he says, “Christ! I don’t think I can stand still like this. I need to move. I need to do something!” 

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have come here then. Do you ever think before doing, you dull dimwit? Your presence wasn’t necessary for your plan.”

I hope to Chomsky the door isn’t noticeably moving as he starts thrashing about and says, “You didn’t need to go for your plot either.”

I grumble because I was hoping he’d never notice that, and change the subject with, “Don’t tell me The Chosen One is claustrophobic.” 

“Closetphobic?” he asks as he’s bludgeoning me with his whole body.

Before I can correct him, he says, “Do you mean like, because I’m stupid and think there’s monsters in closets?”

“No-”

“Well, there is a monster in this closet and it’s an arsehole vampire.”

I give him a glare he can’t see and say, “If I was a vampire, I’d be eating you right now.” Crowley, I wish I could. 

He growls and I’m a bit worried he's going to break his kneecaps on mine.

“Can you not afford a fidget spinner?” I ask. 

“No!” he shouts. “I can’t afford a fucking fidget spinner!” 

I wasn’t expecting an answer to that. Why the fuck can’t he afford that? It’s like four pounds and he’s The Mage’s Heir. 

I consider if there’s a way to buy him one in a mean way, then he stops thrashing and starts sinking to the ground. When he’s seated with his legs pressed against his chest, I’m all too aware of his head being directly in front of my lower half. I worry that if I get the problem I was having from the whispering, he’d see, then I realize that him sitting like that is blocking the light. 

I’m trapped in complete darkness with no way out. 

Psychosomatic pain flairs in my leg as I think of the endless night, trapped in the coffin. When I was more dead than alive, slipping away and almost completely gone. Fighting just to stay sane. 

SIMON

“ Get up! ” Baz hisses.

“Fuck off.”

“Snow. Get up, now. ”

“My feet hurt,” I complain. I would kick him even with my feet hurting, but there’s no room to do it like this. 

“It hasn’t even been that long,” he snaps. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t stomp on people's feet if you want them to stay standing,” I grumble. 

“ What? ” he snaps, sounding confused and hurried.

“You didn’t know you were doing that?”

His breathing is labored and he snarls, “ GET UP! ” 

It makes me flinch. 

I’m about to tell him I’m stuck and can’t get up, but he hisses, “ I can’t fucking see! I need to leave! ” 

“Why is seeing suddenly a pr-” I don’t finish the question, remembering he has that vampire night vision. 

He’s loudly hyperventilating and I realize, “You’re a vampire who’s afraid of the dark?”

“ Fuck all the way off, ” he says in a voice so menacing it gives me chills. 

I try to get up but I’m pretty wedged in. His loud breathing quiets down but becomes uneven. I think maybe he’s calming down, then I realize he’s almost silently sobbing. 

I reach out and grab his leg and he hisses and tries to pull away, which just causes his leg to thump against the wall, making him growl in pain. 

“Please,” he begs and sniffles. 

“I can’t. I’m stuck.”

He reaches for me and I grab his arms before he has a chance to try to pull me up by the hair. He tugs my arms up and I pull on his arms trying to get up, but I don’t budge. 

He sighs and gives up, loosening his grip on me. He quietly sobs as my arms slide back down but he catches my hands and holds on. 

I give his hands a gentle squeeze. 

He squeezes back. 

“Can you get me up with magic?” I ask. 

He’s quiet for a moment before he lets go of my hands and casts, “ Gravity of the situation! ” 

It makes my world spin. Literally. 

It feels like someone kicked a leg out from under a chair and I spill onto my side.

The door is now the ceiling and we’re laying on a cushy bed of coats.

BAZ

Simon manages to basically slither up my body, which I hate I can’t enjoy right now. 

Once we’re face to face he wraps an arm around me and guides my head to his shoulder. I’m confused why he’s doing this and I know I need to stop this. But I’m weak. 

I cry against him and he pets my hair. I want to tell him I’m not a fucking lapdog to be pet, but it truly is comforting. In his arms like this, I feel like no one could hurt me. 

When I calm down, he questions me but it doesn’t feel like an interrogation. It feels like he cares. It’s stupid, but I actually tell him what happened. 

For a moment he’s angry no one told him and insists he could have found me sooner. He tells me I was all he could think about.

I wish so badly he cared about me the way I care about him. It almost feels like he does. But I know this is just a part of his savior complex. (Is it a complex if he literally is the savior?) Leave it to him to comfort anyone. Even his enemy. Even a monster. 

“You altruistic fuck,” I say with none of the malice I intended for it to have. 

Snow chuckles softly then I feel him kiss the top of my head.

We both freeze. Neither of us breathe and I hear our hearts thud. His faster than mine.

I also hear The Mage typing away on his computer.

“I think we’re going to be stuck in here all night,” I tell him. “We should sleep.”

“Right,” is all he says. 

I awkwardly move away from his embrace. It’s painful. Like having a part of you ripped off. 

He rolls, facing away from me and I do the same. Our backs are pressed together and even through all the fabric, I feel his warmth. 

When I’m almost asleep, I swear I hear him mumble, “Oh, vampires don’t sparkle.” Or maybe I dream that. 

SIMON

I wake up with my face against something hard. I don’t usually have hard things against my face. 

I open my eyes and realize I’m pushed against someone’s chest with their arm wrapped around me. 

It’s Baz. 

The memories of last night flood back. The way he felt in my arms felt so right. After knowing what happened to him, I didn’t want to ever let him go. I still don’t. I can keep him safe. 

But then I fucked it all up. Why’d I kiss him? Ugh, that stupid shampoo his uses. His hair was so close to my nose. 

He opens his eyes and I freeze. He doesn’t move either. 

I stare into his eyes. They’re red from last night. Everything about him is annoyingly impressive except the color of his eyes. It’s nothing special. It’s like wet cement. It makes me think of all the times I’ve left classes to avoid going off and calm down as the soft rain pitter-patters on the ground and slowly washes over me, keeping me from overheating.

The way I feel right now, in his arms. 

Do I have feelings for him? He’s a boy. He’s Baz. 

But I don’t want things to be how they were before. I want things to be like this. 

I should tell him I want him to be mine? Or maybe I should tell him I want to be his? 

He’s not blinking. My heart is racing. I should just tell him I like this, whatever this is.  

“ I don’t want to stop smelling you! ” I yell at his face. 

Realizing what I said, I say, “ I said I don’t want to top while railing you! ” 

Fuck, “ No!, ” I’m just shouting at him. “ I mean- ”

He gently shushes me, so I don’t say anything. Which is for the best because I think I was about to say, ‘I won’t stop old-style impaling you.’ Which sounds very threatening. 

BAZ

I know he gets flustered but as much as I was to believe he wants this, he’s probably just freaking out about seeming gay or some other hetero bullshit. 

His cheeks are red and I want to feel how warm they are. I want to touch him one last time before he avoids me from now on. 

You can’t keep being weak, Basil, I tell myself, stopping my hand before my fingertips reach his skin.

He moves his face until his cheek is in my hand then puts his own over it. 

I was wrong. I can keep being weak. 

I lean forward and kiss him. Without missing a beat, he's kissing me back. His lips are soft and warm. His buttered popcorn jelly bean scent is ensnaring my mind and my soul. (If I have one.)

He pulls back and I’m disappointed but then he’s tracing my lips with his fingers. I’m sure his head is somewhere innocent but I’m resisting the urge to put one in my mouth and suck it. 

“Why can I see you?” He asks.

“Oh. Last night I realized the thing digging into my back was a light-switch.”

He smiles and looks like he's trying really hard not to laugh. It makes me smile too. 

I lean back into him and kiss him again. 

He hasn’t thought this through. I’ve spent years thinking about why I can’t have this. He doesn’t realize the implications of this. He doesn’t realize how this would put The Mage and the old families in chaos and ruin his life.

I can’t keep kissing him when he doesn’t know it’s putting him in danger. 

I break the kiss and warn him, “This was a bad idea.”

His eyes get big and look hurt. Those eyes are impossible not to notice with those thick eyelashes that make him look gorgeous and a bit like a Disney princess.

They accentuate the boring blue colour. Like the sky on a clear day when the sun stings my skin. Him staring at me now with them makes my skin feel like it’s being stung all over.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. 

The room spins, causing us to slam into the door. It flies off its hinges, spilling us out onto the floor. 

The room is empty.

Chapter Text

BAZ

It’s been a week since that night in the closet. As soon as we fell, he got up and ran. At first I thought he was trying to escape getting in trouble. But I had a sinking feeling that wasn’t it. I tried not thinking about the last few words we said. 

Once I fixed the door and went back to our room and saw his stuff askew, I knew he was gone. I didn’t sleep at all that night, wondering if he fled the school. If The Mage took him somewhere. If I’d ever see him again. 

The next day I saw him in class. He wouldn’t look at me. I considered acting like this hadn't changed. Mocking him and coaxing him into nearly going off. But things have changed and I couldn’t pretend otherwise. I tried talking to him after class. I needed to talk to him.

But that walking symphony of jet engines suddenly became a fucking ninja, and I couldn’t find him. 

I lay down on his bed. It still smells like him. Where the fuck did he go? 

My mind has been on a loop this whole time. 

I actively avoid reading into him shouting about not topping while railing me, but the kissing. I’ve never kissed before, but you can’t fake that, can you? And even if he could, he wouldn’t. The kissing was real. The most real experience of my life. Of my unlife. 

The look in his eyes. The last look he gave me. I need him to know that wasn’t a rejection. I was just stating a fact that was unrelated to how I feel. 

But, that fact hasn’t changed. It would make his life impossible if we were together. We’re at war. He’s destined to save the world of mages. I will have to do what is expected of me by my family and he will have to kill me because he’s The Mage’s heir. I don’t want to make that more painful for him by turning this into a Romeo and Julian situation. 

The one thing that I still can’t understand though is, why can’t The Mage’s heir get a fidget spinner? 

It makes absolutely no sense. The Mage has money. The taxes he demands of us are ludicrous. He has enough surplus to fund a damned army. 

Maybe I’ve finally lost what little I had of my sanity when I lost Snow. But I need to understand this. 

I pick up his pillow and press it against my face. I inhale deeply and tell my sanity farewell because I have to follow a fidget spinner shaped white rabbit.   

SIMON

Crying in a closet. All week. I almost never leave. I sit in the dark on the part of the floor Penelope spelled squishy and cry. I wish I could just disappear. 

Sometimes I think I will. I don’t want the school to think I’ve gone missing so I attend class and after I cast, now you see me, now you don’t on myself. I know casting spells on myself is risky but I don’t care anymore. 

Penny knows where I am because I knew she would tear the school apart looking for me if she needed to, and I needed help finding a place to stay. She couldn’t get me into the girl’s dorms even though she can get into ours, but she managed to spell open an empty room that used to be a janitor’s closet. It was spelled closed because students would use it for things I’m not going to think about during my stay. 

I told her it would just be for a while and I had to swear up and down I would explain everything when I’m ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. She thinks it has something to do with Baz and Agatha, which I suppose is half right. 

She made sure I had food and water and that the closet was completely clean but for the most part has left me be. I can see her looking me over in class but she hasn’t pried yet. She must be using a lot of willpower. 

I’m not sure I ever will be ready to explain that I’m more devastated by Baz not wanting to kiss me than Agatha breaking up with me. So devastated I can’t bear to look at him and will probably do anything in my power to avoid him.

I stare into the abyss of the dark closet I’ll be staying in all year and try not to think about the coffin Baz was trapped in. 

BAZ

I’ve always hated The Mage, but this? How did I not know about this? Why hasn’t Snow told me about this?

Of course he wouldn’t tell me. I mock him for everything, so why would he expect anything less?

Being forced into all those dangerous situations he didn’t want. I thought he was a fucking volunteer. 

If Snow stopping The Humdrum is prophesied, it wouldn’t need to be orchestrated. The Mage wouldn’t need to be manipulating him, training him to kill since he was eleven. Often he comes back from those missions injured. No, not missions. Tribulations. 

All that and he owns next to nothing and gets sent to care homes every summer? Fucking isolated. 

He isn’t being cared for. He isn't even being mentored. He’s being fucking groomed.  

I’d like nothing more than to flay The Mage alive. I want him to suffer before I delete him from existence. 

Unfortunately I can’t do any of that. If I could, I already would have for lesser reasons. 

But I’m not going to participate in constructing Snow’s future. I’m not going to hide things to help puppet him. 

I’m going to tell him how I feel and he can choose what to do with that information. 

I try not to punish the rats in the catacombs for The Mage’s sins as I drink my fill before going back to the empty room.

Having gone into the negatives of fucks I give, I sleep on Snow’s bed. A line I wasn’t crossing before. 

I’ll cross any line for him. 

* * *

When I wake up, I’ve lost none of the resolve I went to sleep with. 

I shower to get Snow’s scent off me, get dressed and go to campus. 

Some people give me odd looks as I wander about, seemingly aimless. I sneer and they look away. 

I search the grounds, trying to find his scent before heading into one of the buildings. He’s all too aware of me having superior vision at night and exceptional hearing. But I’ve never mentioned scent to him. When you’re trying to hide being a gay vampire, you can’t really tell people how they smell. 

Except Dev, who I’ve repeatedly suggested getting prescription deodorant. 

I go down one hallway then another. Then I find it. Only a hint of it. 

“Snow!” I yell in the empty hallway. “Once again, I will spell you out if I have to!” 

I hear the creak of a door open behind me. I turn to see Snow walking out of a closet. 

I am going to tell him how I feel and nothing is going to stop me. Before he has a chance to run, I rush him, push him into the closet, closing the door behind us. I stand in front of it.

“Simon, I have things to say and you’re going to stay here and listen until I’m done,” I say, trying to sound calm when I feel nervous and angry. But not angry at him. 

“You called me Simon,” He says. 

“Now that you’ve clarified you can hear me, be quiet,” I say sternly. 

“Baz-”

“ Shut your mouth, ” I say, getting frustrated. 

“BAZ-”

I need him to listen so I take out my wand and cast, “ The adults are talking! ” 

“Snow, I-”

He shoves me back against the door and for a moment I’m afraid I’ve made this so much worse. 

Then he kisses me. 

SIMON

Last night, Penelope came to talk to me. 

She told me that Baz approached her and was asking questions and she was worried she said too much. She said that he was asking about my summers and things from our first year. And asking about The Mage. She said she didn’t share anything that was being kept secret, not that we really have secrets.

Apparently something about it made him seem angry and she wanted to warn me.

I told her not to worry about it, then after she left, I worried about it. 

I spent almost the whole night trying to figure out why he would be upset with me. And what it had to do with anything Penelope said. 

It wasn’t until I woke up that things seemed clear. I don’t know how or why, but I suddenly understood things better. 

He kissed me. And I’m pretty sure he enjoyed it. And if he’s thinking about things like The Mage, it’s possible that he meant it was a bad idea because of politics and not because he doesn’t like me. Even though the idea of him liking me feels foreign and out of place, it really felt like he did when we were in that coat closet. 

I spent a long time trying to decide what I wanted to say to him.

I was pretty sure I wanted to tell him how I felt and I was practicing in front of a mirror, trying to find the right words.

Then I heard him shouting at me from outside the door. I opened it, he shoved me in and I tried to talk to him. 

He spelled me silent, so I did the only thing I could do. 

I kissed him. 

BAZ

His kiss catches me by surprise but I quickly melt into him. I forgot how good he felt. So warm and soft. I missed this so much despite how little of it I’ve had. 

He puts a hand on the back of my neck and another in my hair that was still slicked back from the shower, messing it up a bit. I snake my arms around his waist and pull him close. I feel like I could never be close enough to him. 

His hands make me feel warm when I always feel cold. Make me feel alive. My slow heartbeat thuds faster than normal and I wonder for a moment if he could actually literally make me alive, but my brain cuts out when his lips part. I part my own and his tongue slowly slides in.

The feeling of needing him closer eases as his tongue explores, sliding against mine. It’s like he knows exactly how to make me feel good when I don’t even know how. Or maybe he’s just a well practiced kisser. 

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. I’m pretty sure I don’t. Years of tormenting him, which hurts to think about considering how much he already suffers. But I’ll happily take whatever he’s willing to give. I’ll give him anything he wants. I’ll do anything and everything to retroactively deserve what’s happening now. 

SIMON

The posh soap smells even better than I remember. But I don’t think I have a fetish for cedarwood trees. I think Baz could smell like the catacombs and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m surprised he doesn’t. 

I’m worried that he’s put off by the way I'm indelicately shoving my tongue in his mouth. It’s hard to control. I just want him. I want all of him. I’m shoving him against the door with my body and I know he could easily push me off if he wanted to. 

But I force my face away from his. I can’t bring myself to remove my hands from him, but I look into his eyes and ask, “Is this okay?” Except nothing comes out. 

Baz looks at me in a daze, like he’s forgotten he exists. 

I try to yell “ BAZ! ” but it’s silent, so I punch his arm. 

He snaps back and spells me so I can talk again. 

“Jesus, Baz! Are you okay?”

He nods, looking nervous. I want to say something mean about him not using his words like he always does to me but I’m trying to make sure I didn’t just assault his mouth with mine. 

“Baz? Was any of that okay? Why are you here? Fuck, you asked me to listen to you, and I didn’t let you talk.”

I kick the door next to him in frustration and he startles slightly. 

“Snow,” he removes his arms from around me, and I move my hands down and he catches them before they fall.

After looking at my hands he drops them and grabs my shoulders then pushes me back until I’m against a wall. I’m worried I’m about to get a deserved punch, but then he says, “I’m here for you.”

“You said it was a bad idea,” I remind him. 

“It probably is, but I don’t give a damn about any of it anymore. All the bullshit politics… It’s up to you if this is worth the trouble,” he says, staring into my eyes.

“Baz, I’ve never cared about politics and you’ve always been nothing but trouble and have always been worth it.”

His mouth is slightly dropped as if any of this is a surprise to him. It can’t possibly be, but I take the opportunity to grab his head again and shove my tongue into his mouth. 

This time he’s matching me. He’s pushing himself against me and his tongue is moving against mine. I feel secure and have wild energy that I can safely take out on him. He’s so strong, I can grab onto him as tightly as I want, so I do.

His mouth leaves mine and I’m about to beg him for more but his kisses and sucks across my cheeks and down to my neck. Part of me thinks I’m being stupid but I feel so safe with him. There’s no part of me that’s afraid he’d bite. Maybe a part that wants him to bite. 

He sucks on a spot behind my ear I didn’t even know was sensitive and I shudder and moan. 

Then the door opens. 

I look past Baz and see Penny standing in the door frame. 

I panic and yell, “We’re not gay!” 

Baz takes a step away from me and says, “I am.”

Penelope looks confused and concerned and asks me, “Are you bi?”

“I dunno.”

Baz looks at me incredulously and asks, “How can you not know?” 

Penelope eyes Baz then asks, “But you’re not straight, right? This is consensual?”

“I dunno.”

I look between them as both their eyes go wide and they both nearly shout, “ What? ”

Fuck. “No! I mean- I meant- I- Yes- But no! I-”

Baz looks almost ill and Penny looks horrified. 

Trying to clarify this quickly I say, “I… Dunno.”

Baz groans and says, “Please tell her if this is consensual or not.”

“Oh. Yeah… Sorry. Is that weird?”

“Kinda, yeah,” Penny says. 

“Honestly, on so many levels,” Baz chimes in. 

“But the Baz part and not the gay part,” Penelope elaborates. 

“But I’m not gay.”

Baz turns to face the wall then bangs his forehead against it rather hard. 

“Should I leave?” She asks. 

I look to Baz for an answer and she says, “Don’t look at him. I’m asking you.”

“Oh. Uhh. Yeah, I think so,” I tell her. “I’ll talk to you later.” 

“You better,” she says, glaring at the back of Baz’s head, and leaves, closing the door behind her. 

Baz makes a sound like his soul is escaping his body then asks, “So… Are you gay or is this like a no homo kissing arrangement?...”

“I don’t know. Does it matter?” 

“A bit,” he says, turning to face me and sounding frustrated. “I’m trying to understand what you want.” 

“I don’t really have the words for it… Christ… I want… I want this. I want you.”

“So… Boyfriends?” Baz asks, with a perfect eyebrow raised. 

“You want to be my boyfriend?”

Baz sighs and says, “I suppose I can overlook the fact you curse like a Normal. Is that what you want?”

“Yeah,” is all I say before I kiss him again. 

I trace his lips with my tongue before giving the lower one a soft nip. He groans again but it sounds more like enjoyment than dying. 

We kiss with our lips crashing against each other in a flurry. It feels like we’re making up for lost time. It’s only been a week but it feels like years. 

At some point he pulls away and says, “So… You’re attracted to good looking people with money. I’m not sure if there’s a name for that orientation.”

“Shut up,” I say and punch his arm lightly. 

I try to kiss him again, but he pulls back and says, “Or is it my award winning personality?” 

I’m about to hit him again but he pulls me tight and starts sucking on that spot below my ear again. 

Trying not to moan again, I say, “And what is it about me? The fame or the power?” 

He stops sucking and puts his lips against my ear. The moment stretches as I feel his hot breath along with so much want and anticipation. 

“It’s everything, Simon.”