Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Tim: You know, not every problem can be solved with just a gun

Alex: That’s why I carry two guns in my backpack!

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“ Just because I haven’t slept in thirty/six hours that does not mean I have insomnia, I might be awake for cool wizard reasons. You don’t know me! “

- Jay, at some point

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Alex: Hey Brian

Brian: Yes?

Alex: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it's on?

Brian:

Brian: Where's Jay?

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" I've come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck"

             - Jessica

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Brian: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Tim?

Tim: No

Seth: I do!

Brian: I know, Seth

Seth: I'm sad :(

Brian: I know, Seth

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Alex: I am the most responsible person in the group

Amy: But you just set the whole backyard on fire!!

Alex: Yes and I take full responsibility for that incident

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Seth: Well perhaps I should put those therapy sessions to use. Tim, you’re going to therapy

Tim: Wha-? No, fuck that! I don’t want to

Seth: Why not?

Tim: I don’t want to talk about my feelings. That’s gay

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At a tombstone, the name unregarded but Brian’s first thoughts is the third line. “Death by beans”. How curious

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Brian: I hallucinated Alex when I was locked in my room with a severe cold

Jay: Was he like- “Hey guys it’s me, Alex!”?

Brian: HELP?????

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“Hey I left my phone in the burning building, you mind if I go back and get it?”

         - Jessica, more than likely

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Jay: My camera is ✨ infested ✨ with you being fucking stupid

Seth: NO, I AM A DIEASE!

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“Wait.. Hawaii is a state?”
          - Jay

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Brian: Just… just stop

Tim, struggling to climb up a hill: Okay but the 24th time is a charm

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Alex: The world doesn’t owe you anything and neither do I

Seth: You a grown-ass adult. Shouldn’t you be fossilized by now?

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“Is a tiny orbous white woman”

         - Jessica, probably

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Brian: Got the wrong order at Taco Bell. Thinking about blowing up the White House

Tim: The only thing I blow up after eating Taco Bell is the fucking bathroom

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“𝓞𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓩𝓾𝓫 𝓲𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓩𝓾𝓫 𝓸𝓾𝓽”

- Jessica, probably

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Jay: You don’t comprehend the extent to which I exist

Tim: I choose some of the WEIRDEST people to hang out with

Jay: I am on another dimensional plane mannnnn

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Brian: You are a YEARNER

Alex: Oh man speaking of yearning 🙏

Brian: I’m going to bash my face into the wall…

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Masky: The Operator would be so ashamed of you right now

Hoodie: Don’t you ever fucking say that again you little piece of shit. I hope you rot in hell for ever saying that.

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“Two whores make a slut”

- Jessica, probably

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Amy: I hope a truck driving at 150 mph slams full force into you while you are outside and after it hits you the driver puts it in reverse only to run over you again. I hope they do it so much that the only thing left is the the pulp of your body on the sidewalk.

Alex: I love you too

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Seth: I hope the gay clowns don’t get me in the ass

Sarah: I hope so too

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Jay: What’s an orgasm?

Brian: When you fold paper to look like birds and shit

Tim: That’s oregano bitch

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Jay: Heyyyy

Tim: We got the torture labyrinth tomorrow

Jay: What?

Tim: We gotta get tortured for eternity tomorrow

Jay: Ohhh

Jay: Okay

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Amy: Hi. I’m hacking your bank account ❤️

Alex: Woah

Alex: Have fun

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Seth: FUCKK! I can’t find France on this site. This is so humbling

Tim: France erasure just like we need

Seth: HELPF