Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shouta tossed the file down on the desk and leaned back, staring up at the bright fluorescent light on the ceiling, wondering if it were possible for him to die here and now and ascend via that light. 

“You look exhausted,” Tsukauchi commented from the other side of the desk. Shouta gave him a noncommittal grunt in response. 

“You should go home and get some sleep.” 

Shouta shook his head, “I’m fine. Run the details by me again.” 

Tsukauchi raised an unconvinced eyebrow, “Sure. Detail number one: there are no details. That’s the issue.” 

Shouta huffed, “I remember that part, that’s why I’m so frustrated. Run the fine details by me again. Yamada claims that talking through your issues aloud helps more than… ah, never-mind. He was probably talking about emotional issues. I’m not doing that.” 

Tsukauchi snorted, “You know there are therapists that specialize in counseling pro-heroes, right?” 

Shouta waved an exhausted hand through the air. “Tried it once. Not my cup of tea. I prefer working, which is what I’m doing right now.”

“Right, well, maybe his idea is worth a try.” Tsukauchi picked up the first file, cleared his throat, and read from it. “Two weeks ago, we found a villain tied up on a street corner. No evidence as to who did it or why, however, he was missing all money and weapons on his person. Upon being questioned about what happened, he claimed to have gotten, and I quote, ‘lost on the road of life.’ When asked about it yesterday, he said he doesn’t remember what he meant by that.” 

Tsukauchi picked up another folder. “Two days after that incident, a bank was robbed, but only of a small sum of money. The bank teller who gave the perp the money does not remember the perp at all, and claims that he’d been home sick that day. This was clearly not true. When we consulted the security footage, we found that it had been turned off for the duration of the crime. When we asked the security guards about that, they claimed they didn’t remember ever doing such a thing. One of them claims that he went to the bookstore to buy a romance novel during his shift, but hasn’t been able to find it since. Once again, no evidence was left behind as to who could’ve done it.” 

Shouta chuffed under his breath. 

“The third incident was a week ago. A pet shop was robbed of six bags of dog food and several salt licks in broad daylight. No evidence. The girl working the register claims that a deer walked into the shop around the time of the incident, and she’d been so surprised that she must’ve missed whoever stole the items. It wasn’t until her coworkers took inventory that night that they realized things had been stolen. Security footage does not show anyone stealing dog food, salt licks, or the presence of a deer at all.” 

Shouta pinched the bridge of his nose. “A memory warping quirk?” 

“Doesn’t explain the camera footage.” 

“Reality warping?” 

“Maybe. But I can’t imagine becoming a petty criminal with a quirk like that.” 

“‘S not good for heroism,” Shouta pointed out. “But perfect for stealing.” 

“I’ll write it down.” 

“Next one,” Tsukauchi said after a minute and picked up the fourth file, “Game store. Their entire inventory of chess games was stolen. No evidence, no security camera footage, clerk claims that a nine-tailed fox came in and ransacked the building before reciting a bad haiku to him. He was amazed when he snapped out of it and discovered that the store hadn’t been destroyed.” 

Shouta’s lip quirked up into a smile. “Might want to ask all these interviewees if they’ve been dipping into LSD recently.” 

“Maybe,” Tsukauchi huffed. “I’d probably shit my pants if I saw that.” 

“Me too,” Shouta agreed. “A nine-tailed fox? Spitting poetry at me? No thanks.” 

“Hey, it could be worse,” Tsukauchi picked up the last file. “Could be the girl that claims she was in a boxing match against a man in a green jumpsuit with orange leg warmers, but when the man punched her, he punched her so hard that she got rocketed into the sun and burnt to death upon impact.” 

“Jesus… that’s horrifying.” 

“Which part?” 

“Definitely the leg warmers.” 

Tsukauchi tipped his head back and laughed while Shouta returned to staring at the light, occasionally blinking spots out of his vision. “Any other ideas?” he asked once Tsukauchi was done. 

“Nope.” 

“Damn.” 

Tsukauchi got out of his chair and started sifting through his other files. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Well, since we’ve got nothing, and you’re here, you can help me on some of my other cases.” 

Shouta rolled his eyes. “I’m not free labor, you know.” 

“Of course not, you always get paid to assist the police,” Tsukauchi tossed a stack of files in front of Shouta.  

“Yeah, for villain take-downs. Not—” Aizawa gestured to the files, “—filling out your paperwork for you.” 

“You don’t want paperwork?” Tsukauchi asked innocently. “Fine, hand me those files back.” 

Shouta happily handed them back, and Tsukauchi handed him a different folder in turn. “What’s this?” 

“You said you didn’t want paperwork. Well, this one’s outside of our jurisdiction, but it’s still interesting as hell. Take a look, give me your two cents on it.” 

Shouta gave him a suspicious glance before he opened the file, scanning the page. “You want my opinion on… a sinkhole?” 

“That’s what the experts decided that’s what it was, but I’m not convinced.” Tsukauchi ran a hand through his hair. “A massive crater appearing in the middle of a forest that was geologically completely stable beforehand?” 

“Well, this is Japan. Earthquakes happen.” 

“No seismic activity was recorded in that area at the time.” 

“… Alright…” Shouta flipped the page to a separate report that detailed a wildfire happening near the sinkhole. “And what do you think of the wildfire?” 

“Experts can’t find anything that may have started the fire. Just like the sinkhole, it came out of nowhere.” 

“Maybe they were triggered by a quirk.”

“Right. A quirk. In an area that’s roped off to the public.” 

“Teenagers do stupid shit.” 

“Clearly,” Tsukauchi sighed. “It’s been labeled a cold case. No one was injured and since it’s so far removed from everything, it’s not important. But it rubs me the wrong way.” 

Shouta set the folder down. “It’s definitely weird, but I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Maybe just… tell me I’m not going crazy? That there’s definitely something off about that.” 

Shouta looked around at all their folders full of crazy shit. “You’re not. The world is.” 

Tsukauchi huffed, “Fair enough.” 

Shouta sifted through the files once again, trying to find evidence that just wasn’t there. “Why’d you have to bring me in on this case?” He bemoaned. 

“Because you asked for a job to work.” 

“Yeah, well… I’m regretting that decision. I can’t investigate nothing.” 

Tsukauchi hummed. “I know. Look… we’ve been at this for hours. Why don’t you go home, get some rest, and come back tomorrow? Maybe what we need is a fresh start.” 

“I’d gladly do that if I knew you were going to do the same.” 

Tsukauchi picked up his notepad. “I’m going to check the databases for known criminals with quirks like the ones we’ve suggested so far. Then I’ll go home.” 

“Go home first,” Shouta told him. “We’ll start with that tomorrow.” 

Tsukauchi gave him a wry smile, “Alright.” 

Shouta walked through the hallway of his shady apartment building, eyes half-lidded, exhaustion quickly catching up to him after his long day of work. 

The apartment building he lived in was cheap, run-down, and mostly empty. He didn’t have many neighbors, probably because he’d arrested most of them at some point or another. He’d moved into this shitty place purposefully—he was surrounded by criminals, and that meant he was in the perfect place to do his job. Shady drug deals usually took place at the “playground” across the street, there’d been a couple of murders in the building, and Shouta was pretty sure that the old lady living three floors above him was selling drugs, though he had no real proof. He didn’t really intend to follow up on that one—she was like, 90 years old. The problem would solve itself soon enough. 

People moved in and out of the building all the time. Shouta’s favorites were the people that realized a pro-hero was living in the same building as them, panicked, and moved out again. Why? Because they were the easiest to find dirt on. 

Shouta shuffled up to his door and pulled out his keys. Plural. He had four locks on his door. For a reason. 

As he was unlocking the second lock, two figures passed behind him, each carrying boxes. New neighbors, Shouta figured. 

“Shikamaru, get the door,” an exhausted voice said. 

“What a drag,” the other voice replied, somehow more exhausted, and Shouta tuned into the higher-pitched voice quickly. He turned to glance at them and found that the smaller of the two had to be a child. No more than 6 or 7 years old. And the other… was an adult man. A mask covered his lower face, and his silver hair spiked upwards from his head, defying gravity. 

Shouta returned to unlocking the third lock, listening carefully. 

“Why are we here again? This place smells,” Shikamaru muttered, setting down his box in order to open the door. 

“Because it’s out of the way. The less heroes the better,” the man replied, spitting out the word “hero” like it disgusted him. The door opened, and the man pushed at Shikamaru’s back, “Go on, get inside, brat.” 

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I’m not helping you with the rest of the boxes.” 

“Leave it to you to be lazy,” the man sighed, and disappeared inside his apartment. 

Shouta started on the fourth lock. The man stepped back outside the apartment, and saw Shouta still standing there, unlocking his door. Shouta nodded at him. “You new to town?” 

“Yeah.” He eyed the four locks on Shouta’s door. “Do I need to be acquiring more locks?” 

Shouta shrugged. “Depends on how many enemies you make.” 

“Hm. Maybe I should then.” 

Shouta raised an eyebrow, but chose to ignore the implications of that statement. “I’m Aizawa, you?” 

“Kakashi.” 

“Nice to meet you, Kakashi. The kid yours?” 

“Ah… well, I suppose he is now.” 

He is now? What was that supposed to mean? 

“I need to go get the rest of our stuff.” Kakashi said and then walked past Shouta with silent steps. 

Shouta opened the door and stepped into his apartment, confused. He meandered over to his kitchen, eye twitching as he began to overthink the entire situation. 

Kakashi was young. Younger than Shouta had initially thought. Shouta’s age—23—at best, but probably younger. 

Shouta opened his fridge, frowning. A 20-something year old and a 6-year-old? Moving into this shitty place? At—Shouta glanced at the time—11 o’clock at night? 

The entire situation rubbed him the wrong way. He couldn’t jump to conclusions, though. Maybe Kakashi was Shikamaru’s cousin or older brother and a villain attack had displaced the two of them. That was the easiest explanation. Kakashi probably didn’t have a lot of money and therefore had to move the two of them into this shithole so that he could keep buying them food. 

Shouta grabbed a jelly packet from the shelf and shut the fridge, hearing the bottles inside jingle from the force. 

Shouta stood in his kitchen for a long moment, throwing around hundreds of other possibilities to explain the situation regarding his new neighbors. 

The sound of a door creaking open pulled him out of his train of thought. 

“Shikamaru, remind me to fix the door. It’s too loud.” 

Shouta couldn’t hear the response over the sound of the door shutting again, but he could hear some indiscernible murmurs through the drywall. He moved closer to the wall, curious. 

Shouta had always hated how thin the walls were in the building. He hated being able to hear his neighbors going at it at three in the morning, he hated being able to overhear the sounds of someone shitting, and he especially hated the woman with the parrot who lived across the hall from him. He could hear everything that damn bird said, the most memorable being the time it had decided to sing Christmas music for three hours straight in the middle of the night. 

But now? Well, the thin walls were useful. Shouta leaned in and held his breath. 

“—Ushinai is our biggest problem right now,” Kakashi was saying. 

“How about when you’re going to feed me? I’m hungry. We haven’t eaten in two days.” 

“I told you to take a pill.” 

“I did.” 

“Then stop complaining. I’ll feed you when I get money.” 

“What a drag.” 

No more conversation followed after that. Shouta frowned and shuffled away from the wall, heading towards his bedroom; he had a long day ahead of him tomorrow, but… something told him he wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight. 

“Good morning,” Shouta greeted Kakashi as he stood outside his door, locking all the locks. 

Kakashi merely grunted and nodded at Shouta as he began installing several locks that Shouta didn’t know when or where he’d gotten them from. 

“I noticed that Shikamaru is really young,” Shouta brought up. “If you ever need someone to watch him while you’re out at work, I’m right here.” 

Shouta hated children. But the entire situation with Kakashi and Shikamaru was bothering him, and an opportunity to speak to the kid one on one was the perfect way to get information. 

“Don’t think for a second I’ll let you near him,” Kakashi responded in an absolutely bland voice. Not the sort of tone that fit the words he was speaking. His words were a threat but his tone sounded like he was bored. Uninterested. Like Shouta was barely a speck on his radar. 

Shouta blinked in surprise. “Sorry?” 

Kakashi grunted, “He’s none of your business. Stay away from him, and from me.” 

Shouta felt his stomach sink in despair at the second blandly spoken threat. Kakashi didn’t look like much—what with his slim body hidden under baggy clothes and his tired expression betraying that he got even less sleep than Shouta did—but Shouta could tell there was something else about him. Something dangerous. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Shouta responded, and finished locking his last lock. He turned and walked away, heading towards the station to help Tsukauchi follow up on their case.

Chapter Text

Shouta sat down in the cold metal chair and gave the criminal in front of him a bored look. “Good morning.” 

The criminal in question—one Kokyo Junichiro—was a serial thief who’d been arrested yesterday morning. (Did it count as arresting him if he’d been found tied to the ceiling of the precinct? Shouta wasn’t sure). Kokyo didn’t respond to Shouta’s statement, but he did grunt and look away from him, which was enough of a response for Shouta to know that he was listening. 

“Kokyo-san, how old are you?” 

“…” 

Shouta didn’t actually need the response; he’d read the man’s file before he’d walked in here, but if Kokyo wouldn’t even answer that simple question, he was going to have an issue. And a headache. 

“I’d like to ask you about how exactly it is that you ended up on the ceiling yesterday. Care to tell me?” 

Kokyo huffed and shook his head, mumbling a “you won’t believe me.” 

Shouta raised an eyebrow, “I can believe a lot of things, Kokyo-san, but I can’t believe nothing.” 

Kokyo fidgeted with his fingers, face red, occasionally biting his lip. Shouta waited patiently for a response. He knew that on the other side of the double-sided glass behind him, Tsukauchi was observing the interrogation. Their lead regarding the reality warping quirk had gone nowhere—a quirk like that existed, yes, but seeing as it belonged to a 10-year-old girl in Peru, they didn’t really think she had anything to do with it. They’d been in a holding pattern for the last three days, unable to follow up on cases where the only link was that the witness had wildly conflicting memories with what actually happened. 

But then Kokyo had been found, and though the man refused to say anything so far, Shouta and Tsukauchi hoped that there was a correlation between this man and their mystery case.

“I…” Kokyo groaned and put his head in his hands in what Shouta imagined was embarrassment. “A kid put me there.” 

“A kid?” Shouta repeated, trying not to sound incredulous, though it wasn’t really working. 

Kokyo nodded. “A kid.” He sounded humiliated. 

“Can you…” Shouta looked down at his notepad, “describe this kid for me?” 

“Sure. He was about 5 or 6, dark hair that he wore in a ponytail. He told me I was stupid and then next thing I knew, I was on the ceiling of the police precinct.” 

Shouta wrote it down. “Okay. What were you doing before the kid… tied you up?”

“I was locking up my bike.” 

“Locking up your bike?” Shouta repeated.

“Yep.” Kokyo sighed and lifted his hands away from his face in order to scratch at the back of his neck, handcuffs jingling as he moved. “Look, I didn’t do anything.” 

Shouta didn’t respond. He’d learned over the years not to deny anything a criminal said while conducting an interrogation—if he told Kokyo right now that they’d already connected him to a serial robbery case, then Kokyo would just clam right back up. “I know. Can you tell me if you’ve been in any situations that might warrant a child tying you to the ceiling of the police station? Or met with anyone that might’ve?” 

Kokyo hesitated. Bingo. 

“Anything you have can help,” Shouta said, and then waited. 

“I did meet this guy the other day… uhm… brown hair, big scar on his face, wearing some weird clothes. Said he was lost, and that I needed to give him money, otherwise he’d kill me. I gave him what he wanted, and he didn’t come back. Thought that was the end of it.” 

Shouta wrote it down. “Did he give you a name?” 

Kokyo shook his head. “No, he didn’t.” 

“I see. Thank you. Is there anything else you can tell me, either regarding the kid or the man who threatened you?” 

Kokyo frowned. “The man had a weird knife. Like, uhm… it kinda looked like a diamond? But with a weird ring at the end of the handle.” 

“Could you draw it?” Shouta asked, pointing down at his notepad in question. 

Kokyo nodded, and Shouta ripped out a piece of paper from his notebook and slid it forward along with his pen. Kokyo stuck his tongue out slightly as he tried to draw it, concentrating intensely. 

“There, it looked kinda like that. Never seen anything like it.” Kokyo pushed the piece of paper forward. 

Shouta took back the pen and paper and glanced at Kokyo’s drawing, only to find it was exactly what he’d described. A weird diamond-shaped knife with a ring at the end of the handle. “Thanks, I’ll look into it.” He gathered his things and stood. “Wait here, another officer will come in soon to transfer you to your cell.” 

Kokyo slumped. “Yeah, okay.” He said in defeat. 

Shouta left the room, closing the door gently behind him. “All truths?” 

Tsukauchi nodded and held out his hand. Shouta handed him the drawing. “I’ll get this down to forensics. They always have fun with their weapons,” Tsukauchi commented, and then looked up at Shouta. “So, another hallucination?” 

“Had to be. A six-year-old tying an adult man up to the ceiling? I highly doubt that actually happened, though I’d pay to see it.” 

Tsukauchi snorted. “Yeah me too.” 

“Speaking of six-year-olds,” Shouta started as they made to walk back to Tsukauchi’s office, “did I ever tell you about my new neighbors?” 

“Your new neighbor is a six-year-old?” Tsukacuhi asked, confusion lacing his tone as he picked up on what Shouta was laying down. “Don’t you live in Taooine?” 

“I do,” Shouta confirmed. “And the six-year-old’s guardian is a 20-something year old who looks nothing like him and acts very possessive over him.” 

Tsukauchi’s steps slowed a bit, and he raised an eyebrow at Shouta. “If this is just your set up, I don’t think I want to know how much worse this is going to get.” 

Shouta huffed. “I told Kakashi—the guardian—that I could watch the kid for him if he ever needed me to and he threatened me. Then yesterday, I overheard him telling the kid how to properly use a knife. He could’ve been talking about how to dice food, but it sounded oddly like he was teaching him how to kill a man.” 

Tsukauchi breathed out slowly. “Alright, that’s definitely suspicious. You think he kidnapped the kid?” 

Shouta shrugged. “Maybe, but the kid seems more or less content to be with him. He hasn’t made any move to ask for help, and willingly clings pretty close to Kakashi.” 

“That could be due to manipulation, though.” 

“That’s the thing, Kakashi doesn’t seem to like the kid that much. I saw him carrying Shikamaru in one arm and groceries in the other, and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere other than there.” 

Tsukauchi frowned. “Maybe he’s just a good actor? Or he kidnapped this kid, realized a pro lived next door, and is trying to keep up the facade now so you don’t think he’s a criminal?” 

“Maybe. I’m looking into it. I would just question him directly, but I don’t want to spook him and cause him to hurt the kid. He seems relatively complacent right now.” Shouta rubbed a hand over his face. “He just rubs me the wrong way. He’s got this scar over his eye and walks around silently, almost like he’s been trained. Not the behavior you’d expect from a 20-year-old with a child.” 

They stepped into Tsukauchi’s office and Shouta closed the door gently behind him, and then plopped down into the chair that he’d gotten oddly familiar with the last few weeks. 

“Keep an eye on him,” Tsukauchi suggested. “If you can get solid evidence, then I can get jurisdiction to move in on the case. Once that happens, we can question Kakashi without endangering the kid.” 

Shouta hummed. “That’s my plan. Unfortunately, that means I need to keep tabs on them, which is difficult because,” he gestured at their caseload, “we’ve been a bit busy.” 

Tsukauchi snorted, and sat down in his own chair, “We have been—“ 

A knock at the door, “Sir?” 

Tsukauchi tilted his head back, groaned, and then called, “Come in.”

A younger officer that was around Shouta’s age opened the door, “We just got another report involving the hallucinations, thought you might want to know.” 

“Thanks,” Tsukauchi waved a hand through the air and stood from his chair again, looking at Shouta. “Do you want me to do the interview this time around?” 

“Be my guest.” 

Shouta followed Tsukauchi out of the office and back into the interrogation room—Kokyo must’ve been moved out to make room for the new person. Shouta was handed a file and opened it to find that another officer had already conducted a brief interrogation. 

Karasu Akemi, 19 years old, female, works at a small hardware shop. 

Shouta stood in the viewing area and watched Tsukauchi sit down in front of the girl. She was sobbing quietly, and Shouta was glad that he’d taken the last interrogation, because he did not want to deal with that. Better to let Tsukauchi handle her. 

“Karasu-san, my name is Detective Naomasa Tsukauchi. I was told that you may have information for me regarding a case I’m looking into. Have you experienced an oddly vivid hallucination recently?”

She nodded, hiccuping. 

“Can you tell me about it?”

“I— I was at work the other day,” she sobbed, “And this dog walked in, and I didn’t think anything of it at first. But then—“ 

She sobbed more. “I thought I was going crazy until I saw the news about something similar happening to other people. You know, seeing things that couldn’t possibly happen? Because the dog, it— it talked to me. It told me to pet its paws.” 

Shouta lowered his face into his capture weapon and tried not to laugh at the image. He knew that he shouldn’t discredit her, but the fact that she was having a mental breakdown over this, of all things, was just so ridiculous that it was funny. 

“That must’ve been very distressing, miss,” Tsukauchi said sympathetically. “Would you like a moment or would you like to continue answering questions?” 

“I can—“ a hiccup, “I can keep going.” 

“Alright. Did you notice anything missing from the store afterwards?” 

She shook her head. “No. But to be honest, I didn’t look. You’d have to ask my manager.” 

“We’ll do that. Is there anything else you’d like to tell us?” 

She shook her head again. “No, there’s nothing else. I’m sorry if this was a waste of your time, but I just felt so bad that I didn’t come clean with the evidence sooner—“ 

“You’ve helped us a lot, miss. Thank you.” Tsukauchi smiled at her and then stood to leave. 

He joined Shouta in the viewing area, and Shouta pulled himself together. “So we don’t know what our mystery criminal stole from the hardware store?” 

“No, I’ll get some men on it.” Tsukauchi hummed, and then said, “This is our second animal-related hallucination. First the deer and now this.” 

“Do you think there are other people who’ve had hallucinations like this and just haven’t reported it?” Shouta mused. 

“There definitely could be, but if we announce it, that could just lead to a bunch of junkies trying to tell us that they saw All Might wearing a clown suit and twerking on top of the precinct.” 

Shouta snorted. “That would be a funny report.” 

Tsukauchi’s lips quirked up, “It would, wouldn’t it?” 

They left the room and walked back towards Tsukauchi’s office to keep working on the case. 

As Shouta approached his apartment building that night, he noticed that the light inside of Kakashi’s apartment was on, though Shouta couldn’t see anything through the blinds that Kakashi must’ve installed at some point today. The man was busy. First the locks and now the blinds. What other things had he installed? 

He entered the building and trudged up the stairs to get to his place on the second floor, noticing dusty dog prints on the stairs as he went. That was weird… the apartment didn’t allow dogs because the landlord was deathly afraid of them—any other pet was fair game, just not dogs. Maybe it was just a stray that had wandered in. Chances were it would be gone by now.

He opened the door for his floor and immediately caught sight of Kakashi walking his way, a large black bag slung over his shoulder. Shouta narrowed his eyes at the bag, the size and shape being oddly perfect to transport children in. He would know, because about a year ago he’d dealt with a child trafficking ring that used bags exactly like the one Kakashi was carrying now. 

Kakashi kept walking despite Shouta’s presence there, not acknowledging Shouta in any way other than shifting the bag higher up on his shoulder so that it didn’t brush against Shouta as he passed. 

“What’s in the bag?” Shouta asked, trying not to sound suspicious. 

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with,” Kakashi responded, and disappeared down the staircase. 

Shouta stood there, staring at where Kakashi had gone off too, glanced between his inviting apartment that was right there and Kakashi, and then decided that he absolutely did need to concern himself with it. So, Shouta followed Kakashi. He followed him out onto the street, staying far away and in the shadows to make sure that Kakashi didn’t notice that he was being tailed. 

Ten minutes later, Kakashi stepped inside a warehouse and walked through long, empty halls until he reached a closet. Shouta watched through the windows as Kakashi set the bag down inside the closet, closed the door, and then left the building. 

That’s it? 

Kakashi had carried that massive bag for a ten-minute walk just so that he could put it inside a closet? 

Shouta needed to find out what was in the bag. 

He pried open the window and slipped inside, approaching the closet door. His hand landed on the handle and—

Ring, ring, ring

Shouta startled and quickly pulled out his phone, silencing it. Shit.

His screen showed a missed call from Tsukauchi. Ugh, Tsukauchi never called unless it was important. Shouta pressed the call back button, worried. 

“Everything okay?” He asked the second he heard Tsukauchi pick up. 

“Art store was just robbed, hallucinations were involved and everything. Get over here while the scene is fresh. I’ll text you the address.” Tsukauchi’s voice was clipped and Shouta could hear sirens going off in the background. 

Shouta cursed under his breath and turned around, already hurrying to leave the building. The line cut off and his phone buzzed with a text message, the location was about two blocks away. 

“It’s like I was floating,” Sai, the art store owner, said. 

Shouta frowned at his report. “Floating how?” 

Sai shrugged. “I’m not sure how to else to explain it to you. I was just… floating. Right through the store.” 

“Like a balloon?” Tsukauchi asked. 

“Exactly like a balloon,” Sai confirmed with a snap of his fingers. “Just kinda drifting around for at least a few minutes. Except, I’m afraid of heights, so it was a terrifying few minutes. Kept thinking I was gonna fall and crack my head open on one of the shelves.” 

“And was anything stolen from the store?” Shouta asked. 

“Yep,” Sai turned and pointed at a shelf that was oddly empty, now that Shouta noticed it. “All of my ink. I noticed it damn near immediately once I snapped outta it. Kinda hard to miss it when you lose an entire shelf’s worth of supplies while the universe was playing keep it up with your body.” 

“And that’s when you called the police?” Tsukauchi asked. 

“Sure is,” Sai ran a hand through his hair, and Shouta noticed that the man was sweating slightly. “I dunno who the fuck decided to rob an art store, but I want compensation for all the ink I lost. That was the good stuff too, real traditional ink used for paintings and calligraphy.” 

“Traditional ink?” Tsukauchi echoed. “First a pet store, then a hardware store, and now ink? What does this guy even need with all this stuff?”

Shouta pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s what I’m trying to puzzle out. Maybe he’s renovating his house or something. Or maybe we’ve got a chronic hoarder on our hands.” 

“Pfft, I wish.” Tsukauchi sighed, and then waved Sai off before looking at Shouta seriously. “Forensics teams swept the place while you were on your way. Once again, nothing. Whoever our mystery criminal is, they’re good at covering their tracks.” 

Shouta considered it. “Maybe we should look into a quirk that can alter surroundings on a small scale? Or broaden our search into hallucinogenic quirks?” 

Tsukauchi nodded. “Good idea.” 

Shouta ran his fingers along the edge of his capture weapon. “Do you still need me here?” 

Tsukauchi frowned. “Were you busy when I called you?” 

“I was trailing my neighbor. He had a weird bag, and he’d put it inside a closet in a warehouse. I was just about to check it out when you called.” 

“Go ahead and check it out. Chances are we won’t find anything here anyway, if the track record holds.” 

Shouta nodded and handed Tsukauchi the notepad he’d been holding and then left the art store and the police sirens behind. 

When Shouta made it back to the warehouse, the bag was gone.

Chapter Text

GETTTTTT UPPPPPPP!!!

Shouta’s alarm went off, blaring Yamada’s god-awful custom alarm right in his ear, and he slammed his hand around on his nightstand until he found his phone, hitting the stop button probably more violently than necessary. 

Shouta groaned, cursed Kakashi under his breath several times, and then rolled out of bed. 

He stumbled over to his window and pushed back the curtain. 

There they were. Again. Just like the last four days since Shouta had first noticed them. 

Kakashi and Shikamaru were at the playground across the street, illuminated by the only street lamp on the entire road, playing on the jungle gym. 

Shouta turned and face-planted back onto his bed. He wasn't sure why in the world Kakashi consistently brought Shikamaru out to the playground at five in the morning, all he knew what that it was fucking with his sleep schedule, and that he needed to investigate sooner rather than later.

His only issue was that, as a twenty-three-year-old man and pro hero, he had no excuse to plausibly be at the playground at five in the morning.  

But that was a problem for future-Shouta, because now-Shouta was going back to bed. 

“Aizawa?” Iida Tensei looked surprised to see Shouta standing outside his apartment at three in the afternoon. “What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you since graduation.” 

“Nice to see you too,” Shouta grunted, and shifted on his feet. “I need some help on an unofficial case I’m working and… I was wondering if you’d be willing.” 

Iida gave him a look. “An unofficial case you’re working… which… required a house call?” 

Shouta sighed. “It’s a tough case.” 

Iida opened the door to his apartment wider. “Come on in. I’ll put the kettle on.” 

Shouta followed his old classmate into his house and to the kitchen, taking a seat at the chair Iida gestured for him to use. 

“So, what’s this about?” 

“It’s a long story.” Shouta sighed. “But to sum it up, I got new neighbors recently and—“ 

“This is not where I was expecting this conversation to go,” Iida noted, and then made to fill up the kettle with water. 

Shouta sighed again. “Yeah. So I got new neighbors, a twenty-year-old and a six-year-old with him, and I’m pretty sure that the kid was kidnapped. Kakashi—the older one—keeps the kid really close to him and seems like he’s trained in some fashion.” 

“Trained?” 

“Like a soldier,” Shouta clarified. 

“Do you think he’s transporting the kid?” 

“That’s my best guess. He does nothing explicitly bad to the kid and even seems to take care of him. I’m figuring that he moved them into an apartment while waiting for whoever’s buying the kid to come get him.” 

“Do you have any idea who might be interested in that?” Iida asked as he moved the kettle back to the stove. 

Shouta shook his head. “I don’t even have proof that Kakashi kidnapped him, much less that my full theory is correct.” 

Iida frowned and then turned the stove on, heating the water for their tea. “So, why’d you come all the way to Hosu?” 

Shouta sighed. “Kakashi takes Shikamaru out onto the playground across the street every morning at 5 AM.” 

“He does what?” 

“You heard me.” 

“What—why?” 

“Beats me. Best I can figure, he knows that that’s when I’m usually asleep and feels more comfortable doing things with the kid then. I only noticed it because my cat woke me up one morning and I saw them through the window.” 

Iida frowned. “I can’t imagine that he’d stay in the same apartment building as a pro hero if he’s looking to sell the kid. I also can’t imagine that he’d take the kid out to play every morning.” 

“It doesn’t add up,” Shouta agreed. “But I can’t be sure of his intentions if I can’t even have a conversation with him or the kid.” 

Iida sighed and turned around to grab some tea bags. “You’ve got a point there. But still, how does this relate to me? How can I help you with this?” 

Shouta bit his lip, time to drop the bomb. “You… have a little brother, right?” 

Iida’s hand hovered over a cupboard door, and he turned around to shoot Shouta a narrow-eyed glance. “…yes.” 

“How old?” 

“He’s nine. Why do you want to bring Tenya into this?” 

Shouta rubbed at his eyes. “I need an excuse to be at the playground at 5 in the morning. I figured maybe I could… babysit your brother for a night or two and bring him out to the playground in the morning.” 

Iida didn’t respond for a long minute, instead focusing on pouring out the water into twin cups, opening the packets of tea, and dipping the bags into the water. Shouta remained silent. If Iida said no, then he’d just have to figure out some other way to go about this. 

“You want to bring my brother into the proximity of a potential kidnapper,” Iida clarified, and didn’t say it like a question. 

“I’d keep a close eye on him.” 

“I know. But what if Kakashi goes after Tenya later, once neither of us are watching?” 

“He’s the son of a pro hero duo who also has a brother who’s a pro, he’s not exactly the ideal target.” 

“Maybe. But what if he gets hurt because your investigation into Kakashi sets the man on edge? What if Kakashi gets violent?” 

“I’d keep him safe.” 

Iida finally turned to face Shouta, a hard set to his expression. “Aizawa, I don’t mean to downplay your skills or… bring up bad memories… but I remember what happened with Shirakumo. I don’t want—I don’t want to risk putting Tenya in a similar situation.” 

Shouta’s heart stuttered to a stop at the name. 

Silence stretched out between them. 

Shouta remembered seeing blood splatters on the pavement. He remembered looking away for one second, and when he looked back, all that remained of his friend was a corpse. 

He felt empty. 

“Look, Aizawa, I’m sorry but—“ 

Shouta suddenly found his voice. “It’s because of what happened to Shirakumo that I know I won’t let Tenya get hurt.” His voice sounded hollow in his ears. 

Iida pursed his lips. Shouta continued in the man's silence. 

“I know, better than you ever will, how easily things can go wrong. I won’t let that happen to Tenya.” Shouta finally looked up and locked eyes with Iida. “But right now, I need help, I need to make sure that something like that doesn’t happen to Shikamaru.” 

Iida picked up the two cups of tea and set one down in front of Shouta. “I’ll think about it. And I’ll have to ask Tenya if he’s even willing to do it. For now, let’s just catch up, okay? I haven’t seen you in too long.” 

Shouta knew a topic change when he heard one. He picked up his tea and took a long sip of it. “Fair enough.” 

Tenya, Shouta was finding, was basically an enormous ball of energy and robotic arm movements in the shape of a nine-year-old. 

“Chill out,” he muttered as he pulled his shoes on at 5 AM. Tenya was a bit too excited to go out onto the playground. 

“Mom never lets me play this early,” Tenya told him, waving an arm rapidly through the air as if that would encourage Shouta to put his shoes on faster. “You should babysit me more often. I rarely get to see many other pro heroes aside from those in my family; this feels like a wonderful learning experience.” 

“This is a favor,” Shouta clarified as tied his shoelaces. “And talk quieter, the walls are thin. You’re going to wake someone up.” 

Tenya’s face went red. “Apologies.” 

Shouta grunted and pulled on his capture weapon next. “It’s fine. I know you’re not used to places like this.” 

“Why do you live here anyway? I know underground hero work doesn’t pay as much, but you should still have more than enough money to afford somewhere better.” 

Shouta raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at his lips. “Personal choice. Now come on.” 

Tenya followed him outside and onto the playground, and Shouta could see the exact moment that Kakashi noticed their presence and stiffened marginally. 

“Aizawa-san?” Tenya asked, pointing behind him at where Shikamaru was balancing on top of the monkey bars. “Can I ask him to play tag?” 

“You can try,” Shouta responded, distinctly aware of how lazy Shikamaru tended to be. 

Tenya smiled and ran off towards Shikamaru, while Shouta groaned, yawned, and then buried his face in his capture weapon. This might’ve been his idea, but he did not have the energy for this. 

“Is it okay if he asks Shikamaru to play with him?” Shouta spoke up after a moment, directing his voice at Kakashi after having noticed that Shikamaru seemed to be completely ignoring Tenya. 

Kakashi seemed rather amused by the spectacle in front of them. “It’s fine with me. Shikamaru might tell him he’s a drag though.” 

Shouta sighed and then heard Shikamaru say exactly that to Tenya not two seconds later. He couldn’t help the amused smile that crossed his face. 

“What’s with the kid?” Kakashi asked him. 

“Babysitting for a friend,” Shouta explained. “It’s his little brother. Apparently, when the parents can’t watch the child, and the brother can’t, the friend is the next person they turn to.” 

Kakashi hummed. “I know the feeling. Babysitting duty sucks.” 

“Is that what you’re doing with Shikamaru?” 

Kakashi either didn’t hear him, or did and simply chose not to respond, because Shouta was met with resounding silence from the silver-haired man after that. 

Shouta was about to ask another question when Shikamaru stomped up to Kakashi, looking annoyed. “I’m tired,” Shikamaru declared, pointedly ignoring Tenya behind him, who was trying to get Shikamaru to come join him on the slide. 

Kakashi briefly looked up at the sky as if he were praying and then sighed. “Of course you are, you lazy ass deer child. Go on, go home.” He jerked a finger over his shoulder towards the apartment. 

“I’d love to,” Shikamaru snarked, somehow sounding more bored than Kakashi. “But you kidnapped me and won’t bring me back.” 

Shouta’s brain processes stuttered to a stop at that sentence, leaving him silent and staring at the empty space Shikamaru left behind as he returned to the apartment, Kakashi following him. 

If that wasn’t proof, Shouta didn’t know what was. He made to follow Kakashi, needing to question him, only to get interrupted by a loud yelp. 

Shouta whipped around and found Tenya sobbing on the ground, clutching his arm. Shit. Had he fallen? Shouta had literally promised Tensei that he wouldn’t let Tenya get hurt—

He hurried over to Tenya, noticing as he got closer that blood was running down Tenya’s arm. “Hey, what happened?” he asked, already unwrapping his capture scarf so that he could use it as a bandage. The cut on Tenya’s arm was massive, running all the way from his elbow to his wrist.

Through his tears, Tenya managed out a pathetic, “The slide was sharp.” 

Shouta looked up at the slide, having to push his hair out of the way to get a good view. He saw nothing particularly sharp—it just looked like a slide. He refocused on Tenya, putting more pressure on the wound. “Hold this here, okay? The more pressure you put on it, the less it will hurt.”

Tenya nodded, still sobbing, and Shouta got up to inspect the slide closer—there. A large piece of glass was wedged in the side of the slide, covered in blood from where it must’ve cut open Tenya’s arm. Shouta frowned and inspected the rest of the play set. Nails stuck up every which way, half the boards were either splintered or rotten, and pieces of broken bottles littered the ground. Had Kakashi seriously been letting Shikamaru play in this environment for the last week, and possibly longer? Shouta wouldn’t have let Tenya play here had he known. 

Shouta tried to remember if he’d ever seen Shikamaru injured. He could remember the occasional bandage on the boy’s hands, but nothing serious. Of course, he’d been looking for larger injuries—proof that Kakashi was hurting him—but had always come up blank. Shikamaru didn’t even seem bothered by the small wounds on his hands. 

Shouta ran his hand over his face and then returned to Tenya. “I’m gonna bring you inside and bandage that up properly, okay?”

Tenya nodded and let Shouta scoop him up into his arms, even going as far as to bury his face into Shouta’s shoulder, still crying quietly. Oh boy, Tensei was going to have his head for this.

Unless… Tensei didn’t find out. 

Shouta brought Tenya inside and began working on bandaging the cut so that the boy didn’t bleed out, simultaneously dialing an old number. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Recovery Girl,” he greeted. “This is Aizawa Shouta. Sorry to call you so early, but I wouldn’t happen to be able to come by with an injured child sometime soon, would I?” 

Recovery Girl didn’t sound impressed as she answered. “Of course you can, sweetheart.” 

Yes. Bless that old woman, she was totally about to save his ass. 

“Thanks,” he responded. “Still at UA?” 

“Of course.” 

Tenya perked up at that. “UA?” 

Shouta smiled down at him. “Yeah. I’m gonna bring you there so we can heal your arm super fast. You can even meet some other pros while you’re there, but you have to do me a favor in exchange.” 

“What?” 

“Don’t tell your brother about your little cut.” 

Four hours later, he returned Tenya to his brother. 

“Brother, brother, you’re never gonna believe this!” Tenya exclaimed, and then pointed at Shouta. “In exchange for helping him, Aizawa-san brought me to UA! I even met the principal!” 

“Did he now?” Tensei asked, amusedly glancing up at Shouta. “I take it everything went well then?” 

“You could say that it was enlightening,” Shouta confirmed. 

“I’m glad we could help,” Tensei responded. “And you’ve somehow managed to get Tenya even more excited about heroes than he usually is. I haven’t seen him yell this much since I invited All Might to his birthday party two years ago.” 

Shouta chuckled. “Shikamaru wasn’t much fun to play with, evidently, so I figured I had to make the trip up to him.” 

“Well, thanks,” Tensei smiled at him. “I hope your investigation goes well.” 

“Me too.” Shouta sighed. Shikamaru had explicitly stated that Kakashi had kidnapped him. That was huge. Saying that in front of a pro hero—and there was no way that Shikamaru didn’t know that Shouta was a hero by now—was practically a cry for help. 

Shouta opened the door to Tsukauchi’s office without knocking, catching the man in the middle of eating a meat bun while staring at a file in his hands. “Tsukauchi, you are not going to believe this—”

“Yeah, I could say the same to you,” Tsukauchi muttered around his food and then swallowed. “What’s up?” 

“Shikamaru said that Kakashi kidnapped him.” 

Tsukauchi, who’d been in the middle of taking a sip of a soda, choked on it. “He did what?”

“Kakashi told him to go home, talking about their apartment, and Shikamaru responded that he’d love to, but he couldn't because Kakashi kidnapped him. We’ve basically got a blatant confession now.” Shouta was excited, blood pumping with adrenaline. “This is grounds for arrest. We can arrest Kakashi now and bring Shikamaru back to his family—“ 

“Right.” Tsukauchi interrupted. “I ran into a slight problem while investigating the two of them based on the photos and DNA evidence you brought me.” 

“What do you mean?” Shouta felt his excitement plummet, heart sinking deep into his chest. 

“We can’t arrest—or return—people that don’t exist,” Tsukauchi stated, and placed the files he was holding down on the desk between them. 

“What?” 

“Kakashi and Shikamaru? I’ve run their faces, DNA, and names across every database I have access to. They don’t exist.”

Chapter Text

“Kakashi and Shikamaru—the neighbors I’ve seen every day for the past two weeks—don’t exist.” Shouta deadpanned. 

“Nope.” 

“How is that possible?” 

“Well, maybe neither of them were ever documented being born and have lived their entire lives that way,” Tsukauchi suggested. He sounded exhausted, almost like he’d resigned himself to not understanding this case at all. Shouta wished he could reach that level of exhaustion, but he was too strung up with his concern for Shikamaru.

“How did Kakashi get an apartment without any paperwork?” 

Tsukauchi shrugged. “Not sure.” 

Shouta pinched the bridge of his nose. “So you can’t arrest Kakashi?” 

“Well, I could,” Tsukauchi said. “But it would be a headache and a half, especially if this doesn’t turn out to be a kidnapping case.” 

“Shikamaru literally said that he was kidnapped.” 

“He’s six, Aizawa. I have a nephew that age who told me last week that he wanted a piece of my hair to remember me by. Kids that age say weird shit, we can’t exactly call that evidence.” 

Shouta frowned, wondering why Shikamaru would say such a thing if he didn’t actually mean that he’d been kidnapped, and then did a double take. “Your nephew really said that?” 

“Yeah, it was concerning, actually.” 

“Sounds like it,” Shouta commented, and then returned to focusing on the matter at hand. “If we bring Kakashi in for questioning, though, it’ll be much easier to figure out why he seemingly doesn’t exist.” 

“That’s true,” Tsukauchi replied. “I’d still like a bit more basis for interrogation than ‘he may have kidnapped a child and also apparently doesn’t exist’. Especially if there’s a chance that I’m going to have to open a massive investigation about it. We have too many other high-profile cases right now and we don’t have the manpower for it.” 

Shouta scratched the back of his head in thought. He knew that Tsukauchi was dealing with a lot, between the mystery robberies, a serial killer, and a few other troublesome cases. Adding Kakashi onto his workload was too much. “Fair enough. So you want me to get more evidence first so we have reason for an arrest?” 

“If you can. If you think Shikamaru is genuinely in danger right now, then the police can step in, but since we’ve got so many other issues we’re dealing with here, I’d like to leave this case in your hands for a bit longer.” 

Shouta nodded, thinking back to how Kakashi never seemed to have any ill-intent towards Shikamaru, though Shouta wasn’t entirely sure that wasn’t just good acting. “Alright. I’ll keep investigating myself. Speaking of other cases, how’s our mystery case going?” 

Tsukauchi leaned back in his chair. “It’s going.” He pointed to a stack of files, “That’s everything we’ve got regarding the case and that—“ he pointed to a piece of paper next to the stack, “—is the list I’ve compiled of all the useful information from all of it.”

Shouta picked up the paper and read it over. “This has three things on it.” 

“Yep.” 

“Great,” Shouta said dryly. 

“Pick your poison,” Tsukauchi joked. “Either you can have a potential kidnapping case where the people involved apparently don’t exist, or you can have a serial robbery and potential vigilantism case where the evidence doesn’t.”

Shouta snorted. 

“Actually, now that I say that.” Tsukauchi sat up in his chair. “That might be a correlation.” 

Shouta tilted his head to the side, “What do you mean?” 

“You joked about our mystery hoarder renovating his house, right? Maybe he wasn’t renovating, maybe he was moving in.” 

The lightbulb went off in Shouta’s head. Was Tsukauchi implying that Kakashi was their mystery thief? He bit his lip. “It’s a stretch.” 

“Is it?”

“The crimes started two weeks before Kakashi and Shikamaru ever showed up.” 

“Two weeks is a short amount of time,” Tsukauchi said. “This could be it.” 

Shouta remembered one of their cases at that moment. “It doesn’t fit." He shook his head. "I was trailing Kakashi at the time of the art store robbery. Unless he has a cloning quirk or something, there’s no way he had the time to rob the art store.” 

“Damn,” Tsukauchi sighed, and slumped back into his chair, his idea having been shot down. “So he has an alibi for that one?” 

Shouta nodded in confirmation, but then decided that maybe he didn't want to give up on the idea quite yet. “I’ll do what you said and get more evidence,” Shouta said. “Maybe the art store incident wasn’t related—there could be a copy-cat thief that’s throwing us off the trail.” 

“That’s a good point. The crimes are pretty spread out…” Tsukauchi picked up one of the files. “Vigilante justice, six bags of dog food, and traditional ink specifically?”

“Yeah,” Shouta agreed as he headed for the door, already trying to figure out how to get close to Kakashi and Shikamaru next. “But maybe there is a correlation to Kakashi somehow.”

“You do that. If you get any other evidence that could connect the two, tell me.” 

“Will do.” 

“I need help,” Shouta said into the phone, on call with Yamada and Kayama. He was crouched on a rooftop in the middle of night, having paused in the middle of patrol to call them, because it was the least likely place for anyone—namely Kakashi—to overhear his conversation. 

“With…?” Yamada asked slowly over the line. He sounded distracted, like Shouta had called him at a bad time. 

“I need to figure out a way to stalk my neighbor without it seeming like I’m trying to stalk him.” 

“What the fuck—” Something crashed. Shouta winced as he heard something that sounded like Yamada was frantically trying to pick up something he’d dropped. 

“Yeah, Sho, buddy,” Kayama said gently over the sounds of Yamada in the background. “Are you okay? Been taking all of your meds and stuff?” 

Shouta rolled his eyes. “I’m serious about this, guys. I need ideas. It’s an antisocial twenty-year-old with a tired six-year-old and I need to interrogate them and/or stalk them for evidence.” 

Metal clanged around a few more times before Yamada spoke up. “So you mean like family dinner?” 

“Huh?”

“You said interrogate them without it seeming like you’re trying to interrogate them… which is just family dinner, bro.” 

Holy shit. “You’re so right. Okay—“ Shouta pushed his hair out of his face from where the wind was trying to sabotage his ability to see things. “How do I get them to eat dinner with me?” 

“Force them,” Kayama said it like it was obvious. “Make the dinner, invite them over, and I’ll uh… I’ll come help you and start crying if they deny my food.” 

“Genius,” Yamada muttered. Shouta had to agree. 

“Your place, tomorrow night,” Kayama decided. “I’ll bring the ingredients, just make sure your kitchen is ready for a feast.” 

“Am I invited?” Yamada asked hopefully. 

Shouta frowned. “I think having just Kayama on this one is a better idea.”

“Whaaa?” Yamada whined. “But I’m charming!” 

“You’re also incredibly loud, and there will already be two pro heroes there. No offense, but I’m only letting Kayama come because of the crying plan.” 

“I can fake cry too,” Yamada muttered. “Fine, fine. Tell me how it goes, okay?” 

“Will do,” Shouta promised, and heard the receiver click. “Kayama, you still here?” 

“Sure am.” He could hear in her tone of voice that she was grinning. “But I’m thinking that you need to do something for me to repay this favor I’m doing you.” 

Shouta rolled his eyes. “Like what?” 

“Hmmm… maybe do more than tune me out when I try to convince you to teach at UA with me?” 

“Absolutely not. I’d be a horrible teacher. And I hate kids.” 

She groaned. “No, you don’t! Look at you, you’re asking me to come help you make Interrogation Dinner so that you can make sure that kid’s alright. And you care so much—” 

“Would you just drop it? I told you no once already.” 

She sighed, sniffling slightly, like he’d made her cry. After a moment, she spoke again. “Okay, okay, I’ll drop it. Just… give it some more thought, will you?”

“Whatever.” 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” 

“Take it however you’d like.” 

“I plan to. So, what do you want to make for dinner? We gotta impress them, ya know.” 

Shouta blanked on any and all dinner choices in that moment. 

Silence stretched.

“…should I just bring stuff?” Kayama asked after Shouta failed to answer. 

“Please.”

“Alright buddy,” she cooed at him, teasing. “I see that I’m clearly the man in this relationship since I’m bringing home the meat—“ 

Shouta facepalmed and hung up the phone. Her jokes were bad. 

But he had a plan now, a way to get close to Kakashi and Shikamaru. If he was going to get any condemning evidence, it would be over dinner tomorrow night. 

“I come bearing fish!” Kayama exclaimed the second Shouta opened his door. 

“I see that,” Shouta commented, eyeing the many bags of groceries in her hands. 

She pushed her way past him. “So after thinking about it some, I figured we could do salt broiled saury—hence the fish—and then have some miso soup and kelp as the sides.” 

“Sounds good to me,” Shouta said, honestly having no clue if that was actually good because he did not cook. There was a reason he had a kitchen fit for a peasant and it was because his meals comprised of takeout dinners and jelly packets; either that or Yamada made food for him. Or he went to his parent’s house. Shouta had become very good at finding excuses to not cook over the years. 

“I also bought all the seasonings we need because I know that you’re incompetent when it comes to cooking.” Kayama gave him a sympathetic look, and Shouta rolled his eyes. 

“I’m not incompetent. I just never bothered to learn.” 

“That’s the same thing, sweetheart.” 

Shouta wondered if his neighbors could overhear this conversation. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. 

“Alright!” Kayama clapped her hands together. “Let’s get this meal started!” 

Shouta stood awkwardly underneath his door frame as he watched Kayama confidently walk over to Kakashi’s door and knock. 

The door opened to Kakashi’s unimpressed face. 

“Hello!” Kayama greeted. 

Kakashi blinked slowly at her. “Evening.” 

“Shouta and I just made dinner. Saury, miso, and kelp! Will you come eat with us?” 

Kakashi’s eye visibly twitched before he turned around. “Shikamaru, you didn’t have dinner yet, did you?” 

“No, why?” 

“Come on then,” Kakashi sighed. “Our neighbor made us food.” 

“Is that what all the yelling has been about?” 

“Evidently.” 

Shouta’s face burned bright red. Look, he didn’t mean to almost fuck up the fish… 

Kayama turned and gave him a thumbs up and a smile, and Shouta gave her a thumbs up back. At least Kakashi hadn’t put up a fuss with the dinner thing. Just because Shouta had prepared and bought makeup remover so that Kayama could clean up her mascara after fake crying to convince Kakashi and Shikamaru to join them, didn’t mean that he actually wanted to have to bring it out and thus admit that to her. 

The twenty-year-old and child filed after Kayama and into Shouta’s apartment where a table was prepared for the four of them. (Shouta had made it after Kayama had kicked him off cooking duty for almost fucking up the fish). 

“Maa, smells good,” Kakashi commented, eyeing the fish that was already on the plates with interest. 

“Thanks!” Kayama chirped. “I put lots of love into it.” 

“I’m sure,” Kakashi responded. Shouta noticed that the man had carefully angled himself to have his back to the wall while standing just off to the side from Shikamaru—the perfect position to watch Shouta and Kayama, and jump in front of Shikamaru if necessary. 

“Kayama,” Shouta spoke up. “You never introduced yourself.” 

Kayama’s eyes widened. “Oh no, I’m so sorry. I’m Nemuri Kayama, I’m an old school friend of Shouta’s here.” 

“Ah, nice to meet you. I’m Kakashi and this is Shikamaru.” 

Shikamaru gave them a tired nod, before grabbing at Kakashi’s baggy pants. “Can we sit down now? You adults and your formalities are stupid.” 

Kakashi squinted down at the child. “You weren’t this excited when I made food yesterday.” 

“That’s because yesterday’s food sucked.” 

Kakashi looked wounded by that. 

“If this is as good as it smells, then it’ll be the best thing I’ve eaten in weeks.” 

Kakashi looked even more hurt. “Hey, I’m not that bad of a cook.” 

“No, but you’re not good at it either.” 

“Whatever, go sit down.” Kakashi pointed to a seat and followed Shikamaru to the table.

Kayama leaned close to Shouta, and whispered, “These are your concerning neighbors?” 

Shouta had to admit that conversation had been incredibly normal, but he still couldn’t get his suspicions out of his mind. Maybe Kakashi had just taught Shikamaru what to say in order to sound the least suspicious. Instead of answering her question, Shouta moved to the table, taking the seat closest to Kakashi and leaving the one next to Shikamaru open for Kayama. 

“Thank you for the food,” Shikamaru muttered, and Shouta wasn’t sure if he was thanking Kayama for cooking it or if that was part of his prayer. 

Either way, Kakashi, Shouta, and Kayama all echoed it. 

He dug into his food, mouth watering at the smell of the fish. They ate in silence for a few minutes—sans Kakashi, who was staring wistfully down at his food, mask still firmly in place. 

“This is good,” Shikamaru commented. “My mom’s food is still better, though.” 

“Your mom’s?” Kayama asked. “Where is she?” 

“Back home,” Shikamaru replied, and took another bite of his food. 

“Where’s that?” 

Shouta noticed Kakashi tense up at the question. Ha, got you, you child-stealing bastard. 

“To be honest, I’m not sure where it is in relation to here. I was asleep when Kakashi brought me here.”

Shouta’s eyes snapped up from where he’d been looking at his food, about to take a bite. Shikamaru didn’t know where they were specifically? He’d been asleep when Kakashi had brought him here? Fuck, had Kakashi drugged this kid when he kidnapped him? 

“I see, well that must’ve been disconcerting,” Kayama said sympathetically.

Shikamaru nodded. “It was.” 

Shouta noticed that Kakashi still hadn’t taken off his mask to eat. “Are you going to eat your dinner?” 

Kakashi looked startled for a second before he recovered. The man spluttered, as if searching desperately for an answer, before he said, “Sorry. I’m, uhm… allergic.. to.. food.” 

Shikamaru facepalmed. 

“Allergic to food?” Shouta echoed, unconvinced. 

Kakashi nodded after a beat of hesitation. 

“He’s not allergic to food,” Shikamaru cut in, sounding exasperated. “He just doesn’t take his mask off in front of people. Not even me.” 

So Kakashi was hiding his identity from the kid? Only a criminal would hide their face so religiously. Either that or a germaphobe, Shouta supposed. 

“What about when he’s sleeping?” Kayama asked. 

Shikamaru shook his head. “Wears it then too. Trust me, I checked.” 

“So you’ve never seen his face?” 

“No.” 

“Does that bother you? That you can’t see his face?” Kayama asked. Her tone was casual, but it was obvious what kind of answer she was looking for. 

Shikamaru shrugged, dipped his spoon into his bowl of soup, and slurped it up before answering. “Not particularly. You should see his scary mask. That’s what he was wearing when I woke up.” 

“His scary mask?” 

Shouta could see Kakashi subtly shaking his head at Shikamaru as if to get the kid to shut up. 

“Yeah. It’s like—“ Shikamaru paused. “Blank? You can’t tell what he’s feeling when he wears it.”

“That does sound scary. Why was he wearing it?” 

Shikamaru took another bite of his food. “Cause he had to. Since he was working.” 

Kakashi was still shaking his head, but this time a bit more aggressively. Shouta could practically hear Kakashi's inner monologue of stop talking, stop talking, shut the fuck up, Shikamaru, stop.

“Where do you work, Kakashi?” Shouta asked. 

Kakashi froze, head coming to a halt, shoulders tense. “Nowhere you would’ve heard of.” 

Shouta frowned, but Shikamaru cut in before Shouta could ask his next question. 

“Kakashi’s a lot different from my parents. But he’s not the worst person I could’ve ended up with. He keeps me safe.” 

Shouta pursed his lips. The kid probably just thought that Kakashi was keeping him safe. Obviously Kakashi was manipulating the kid into being so complacent. “And why aren’t you with your parents, Shikamaru?” His tone was icier than he meant it to be, accusing. His distrust of Kakashi was obvious. He needed to tone it down and relax, this conversation was getting to intense—

A jolt coursed through Shouta’s body the second he asked that. He froze up—like every muscle in his body had tensed at once—paralyzed. His lungs clawed with a desperate need to breathe, and his heart hammered dangerously in his chest as a crumbling building crossed his vision. He had no escape, no chance to even move as his body was crushed by it, bones breaking under the force of the falling debris—

When Shouta snapped out of it, gasping, Kakashi and Shikamaru were gone.

Chapter Text

Shouta stood from the table in a rush, panicking, heart pounding in his ears, fear coursing through his body like a raging river. 

What the fuck had Kakashi done? Was that a hallucination? It sure hadn’t felt like it. He’d felt like he’d been about to die, like Kakashi had been seconds away from killing him—hell, he’d seen his death flash before his eyes. 

He stumbled away from the table, tripping over his own feet. His vision swam. Did Kakashi have a fear-inducing quirk? Where had he taken Shikamaru? Was Kakashi going to kill Shikamaru now? 

Fuck fuck fuck, Shouta had fucked up. He’d fucked up. Shikamaru was in danger now and Shouta could barely even think straight—

His eyes caught on Kayama. Her skin was deathly pale, hands gripping her silverware so hard that her knuckles were white, eyes blown wide in terror. 

“Kayama?” he asked her. 

No response. She was breathing heavily; her labored breaths coming in and out of her mouth in increasingly longer increments as she tried to steady herself. 

“Kayama?” he asked again, more urgent. 

Slowly, her eyes met his. She nodded, and mumbled out something like, “go,” and Shouta didn’t hesitate. He turned and stumbled towards the door, legs wobbly. 

He couldn’t think straight. Whatever Kakashi had done to them was lingering. It had been far worse in the moment, but this part felt like Shouta was hungover, unable to completely shake off the effects. 

Where would Kakashi have taken Shikamaru? 

Shouta wasn’t sure. Kakashi was a mystery. Shouta had no clue where they would’ve gone. But even if he did know, Shouta didn’t think he’d be able to follow Kakashi in the state he was in. If he had left the building already, Shouta had no hope of finding him.

Start simple, he told himself. Sometimes the simple solution is the best solution. 

If he were Kakashi, he would’ve gone back to their apartment to get their stuff. Shouta wasn’t sure how long he’d spent in that fear-state, but hopefully it hadn’t been as long as it felt. Hopefully, Kakashi and Shikamaru would still be in their apartment. 

Shouta glared at the locks on Kakashi’s door—he hadn’t seen the bastard lock his doors on the way to Shouta’s, so he must’ve done it after leaving Shouta’s place. Shouta didn’t have a key, much less five of them. Instead, he raised his leg and kicked the door in, throwing the full force of his body into it. 

The locks might’ve been quality locks, but the doors here were shitty. Clearly Kakashi hadn’t thought of replacing his door like Shouta had. 

Shouta shook his head to clear the spots from his vision and stepped through the broken wood to get inside the apartment. He braced himself for an attack, for Kakashi to whip out a gun on Shouta and start shooting, but the apartment was eerily quiet. Empty. 

Shouta slowed his breathing, calming himself down. 

Kakashi and Shikamaru were gone, and that meant that Shouta had no idea where they were. He had to focus. Figure out a plan. He needed to find them, and evidence would be a key part of that.

Shouta looked around and noticed that most of Kakashi and Shikamaru’s stuff was still there, so they’d likely taken the essentials and gotten out. 

He could work with this. There was a lot you could tell about a person based on the things they owned. If Shouta was lucky—which he wasn’t—he might even be able to figure out where Kakashi would bring Shikamaru if he’d been spooked by a pro hero. 

Shouta walked towards the bedroom first. 

Two beds. One was an actual bed, the other was a futon on the floor. On top of the futon was a book. Shouta leaned down and picked it up—the cover was bright orange with a crossed out circle on the cover. Shouta flipped it open and skimmed the lines, trying to figure out what sort of book—oh. 

Shouta threw the book back down and forced the image the few lines of text had provided him out of his head. So the futon on the floor was Kakashi’s bed. Shouta refused to believe that Shikamaru would read something like that. 

That meant the bed was Shikamaru’s. Shouta lifted the mattress, searching for something hidden underneath it—there. 

Weapons. Lots of them. All of them were knives or shuriken, no guns. Shouta frowned and pulled the bag of weapons out, lowered the mattress, and set the bag on top of it. Evidence for Tsukauchi. 

Shouta turned to look at the small dresser, opening all the drawers one by one and sifting through the contents. Nothing suspicious, just clothes. Shouta closed the drawer and frowned at it. Something wasn’t right. The drawer was much deeper than—

Oh. The drawer had a false bottom. Of course. 

Shouta opened the drawer again, this time running his fingers along the edges of the bottom, feeling for a ridge or latch that would grant him access to whatever it was hiding. His index finger caught on a small latch. Ha, found it. 

He lifted the false bottom and found several small bags in the compartment underneath it. Shouta pulled them out and set them on the bed, opening them. 

Money. All three were filled with money—stolen, he imagined. He wondered why Kakashi hadn’t brought it with him when they’d ran. Maybe this was the extra stash? Or maybe Kakashi was planning on coming back here? 

Shouta glanced around the bedroom, but noticed nothing else abnormal. He returned to the main room, looking between the small living room and kitchen. 

Something caught his eye on the kotatsu in the living room and he padded forward to check it out. 

Photos. Dozens of them. All of the same guy. He had brown hair and a large scar running down the side of his face. He wore a flak vest and loose pants with bandages wrapped around his ankles and hands in some photos, and normal clothes in the others. In many of the photos, he was carrying weapons similar to those Shouta had found hidden under the mattress. 

Was Kakashi stalking someone? Was this the man Shikamaru was meant to be sold to? Or was he an enemy Kakashi had made along the way and he and Shikamaru were lying low while Kakashi kept tabs on the man? Was this man looking for Shikamaru in order to bring the boy back to his family? A bounty hunter of sorts? 

Shouta furrowed his brow. He wasn’t sure who this man was and why Kakashi had so many pictures of him, but he knew it couldn’t be good. 

Shouta gathered the photos up and returned to the bedroom to get the weapons, money, and figured that he might as well get the porn, too. His arms were overloaded with evidence as he made his way back towards the broken front door—wait, what? 

Shouta backed up and set the stuff down on the kitchen counter so that he could get a second look at the floor. 

On the floor, hidden partially by the rug, was some sort of sigil painted in ink on the hardwood. 

Shouta pushed back the kotatsu and rolled up the rug, revealing the entire pattern. The sigil was massive. Ink covered the floor in swirling symbols and repeating patterns that covered the entire floor, even dipping underneath the kotatsu. Shouta stepped carefully around it, baffled by the markings on the floor. 

Was Kakashi a cultist? 

Shouta pulled out his phone and began snapping pictures. He didn’t know what this thing was, but he couldn’t deny that it was evidence. Baffling evidence, sure, but evidence all the same. 

It was impossible to get the entire sigil in one photo, so he had to break it up into three separate photos. He quickly sent them to Tsukauchi, telling him to have forensics figure out what it meant. 

Tsukauchi: 

Okay. Will do.

Should I be asking? 

Shouta: 

Found it on Kakashi’s floor 

Tsukauchi: 

…Aizawa, I know I told you to get evidence, but you do realize that without a warrant, breaking into Kakashi’s apartment is illegal, right? 

Shouta: 

…

In my defense, he used his quirk on me and disappeared with the child in the middle of dinner. I broke into his apartment on the assumption that they went back to get their stuff first. 

Tsukauchi: 

Okay. I’m not sure that’s admissible in court, but okay. 

Did you find anything other than the sigil? 

Shouta: 

Yes. Weapons, porn, money, photos. 

Since I’ve already broken the law, I’m taking it all up for evidence. 

Tsukauchi: 

Sounds good. 

But for the record, I still have my law books if you need a refresher. 

Shouta: 

Shut up

He closed his phone, grabbed the stuff he’d set down on the counter, and made his way through the broken door and back into his own apartment. 

He found Kayama quietly cleaning up the table from their failed dinner, still looking pale. 

“Hey, you good?” he asked. His investigation had snapped him out of the effects of Kakashi’s quirk pretty fast, but Kayama hadn’t had that pleasure. 

“Fine, just a bit shaky,” she responded. “You kicked in his door?” 

Shouta nodded. “Didn’t want to deal with the locks.” 

“You’re going to want to fix that before your landlord finds out, otherwise he’s gonna make you pay for the damages and then some.” 

“How’d you know that?” 

“I remember you complaining about it last time you broke down someone’s door.” 

Shouta snorted. “Oh, right.” 

“Hey, Sho?” Her voice was uncharacteristically quiet. It unsettled him. “Did—did you see anything when he hit you with his quirk?” 

Shouta remembered seeing himself die and relayed that to her as he set down the evidence he’d stolen onto the kitchen table. He tried to keep the shakiness out of his voice as he told her that he’d been crushed by a building in the vision, but it didn’t stop her eyes from flashing in recognition. Shouta had been shown a death eerily similar to Shirakumo’s, and they both knew it.

She nodded, still focused on cleaning up the dishes and bringing them to the sink to wash. “Yeah, I saw something like that, too. But… it was worse. Kakashi had this…” she trailed off for a moment before speaking again. “It was like lightning in the palm of his hand. He rammed it through my chest and—he looked happy to have killed me. I don’t know. I can’t really explain it.” 

Shouta pursed his lips and stepped closer to her. “Do you want a hug?” 

She set down the dish she’d been about to wash and immediately sunk into Shouta’s arms. He held her close and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. 

“What did you find?” 

“Evidence. Good evidence.” 

“Do you think Shikamaru’s in danger?” 

“Yes.” 

“Do you need my help?”

“No. You should go home and rest. Watch a movie and do your nails, I know you like that stuff. I’ll take care of this. Shikamaru will be safe, I promise you.” 

“Sho… are you sure Kakashi’s going to hurt him?” 

“I don’t know, but I know that Kakashi is dangerous. Why?” 

“It’s just… he seemed like he actually cared about the kid. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but like… like how I care about my students, you know?” 

Shouta didn’t know. He kept rubbing her back instead. 

“Oh by the way… their food was gone.” 

“What?” 

“Their plates… they were empty. Like they’d taken the food with them or eaten before they’d left.” 

“Weird.” Shouta didn’t know what else to say. Had Kakashi really frozen them in that fear-state for so long that they’d had the time to finish their meals? And why did they even bother finishing the food? Kakashi hadn’t seemed keen on eating it. 

“Yeah. I’m not sure what’s going on.” Kayama pulled back from their hug, looking much better now. “But Shouta, I’m trusting you here. You’re a smart guy, so trust your instincts.” 

He gave her a smile and nodded. “I will. Will you be okay to get home?” 

She returned the smile. “Oh yeah, I’ll be fine. You go have fun, but uhm…” she gave him a sly wink, “Not too much fun, ya hear?” 

He rolled his eyes, “Will do. Goodnight, Kayama.” 

And with that, he grabbed his evidence and headed towards the police station. 

“Analysis teams are working on the extra evidence you brought in as we speak, and I’ve opened this up as an official case,” Tsukauchi informed him. Shouta nodded seriously. 

“In the meantime, one of our nerds down in forensics analyzed the photos you sent instead of following up on the serial killer case he’s supposed to be working on, and… well… he says that the symbol that you found was likely ‘drawn with the intention of summoning an elite demon from hell to bring misfortune and pain upon one’s enemies. However, for it to work, it requires a virgin sacrifice.’”

Shouta blinked. “What?” 

“That’s what I said,” Tsukauchi sympathized. “Though I suppose the virgin sacrifice part explains the kid…” 

“So… Kakashi’s a cultist?” 

“Seems like it.” 

Shouta pieced together Kakashi’s actions over the last couple of weeks—and yeah, it kinda did point to ‘cultist preparing to use a child as a virgin sacrifice’, oddly enough.  

“On the other hand, we got another call in tonight while you were at dinner. Our mystery criminal caused a mass hallucination on a group of people, reason unknown. Ash was found at the scene, so there might’ve been a fire involved. Given that Kakashi was attending dinner at your place, I doubt he had anything to do with it.” 

Shouta nodded. Kakashi’s quirk was some sort of fear inducement, and while he certainly had the power to create hallucinations, they didn’t seem to be capable of being as specific as the ones in their other case were. Not to mention that Kakashi now had a solid alibi. 

Shouta locked eyes with Tsukauchi, both of them understanding the weight of the situation they were in. Kakashi had disappeared with Shikamaru and they still had no leads on their serial thief. Two dead ends. “Kakashi may not be related to our mystery thief case, but he’s still a problem that needs to be dealt with. If Shikamaru gets hurt, then it’s my fault,” Shouta said resolutely. 

“We’ll catch him, Aizawa. We’ll clear this entire situation up. We just have to be patient.” 

Shouta nodded. He was generally good at patience… but right now, he wanted nothing more than to get out on the streets and start searching high and low for Kakashi and Shikamaru. He needed to know that Shikamaru was safe. He needed to know that Kakashi wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

Chapter Text

Shouta wrapped up his patrol with a takedown of a small-time villain who he brought to the police station before heading home, thinking about how stressed the secretary had been when he’d stopped by. The police were busy. Shouta knew there’d been a recent uptick in high-profile cases, it was why he’d been brought in in the first place, but he hadn’t realized the extent of it until the secretary had started crying from stress. Poor woman. 

He passed a few run-down buildings as he walked, hands in his pockets, contemplating dinner. With each step he took, he got ever closer to home and therefore his kitchen. He figured he’d eat the leftovers from last night’s disastrous meal, seeing as Kayama hadn’t bothered to take any of it with her when she’d left. At least the meal had been good. He wouldn’t have been happy if she’d left him with shitty leftovers.

Shouta passed the playground in front of his apartment. His steps halted abruptly at what he saw there. Or rather, who.

Shikamaru sat on the black plastic barrier that surrounded the playground, petting a small deer that lay beside him, its ears occasionally twitching as Shikamaru stroked its back. He looked calm. His hand continued its back and forth motion along the deer’s back, each movement illuminated by the streetlamp. 

Why was Shikamaru here? Where was Kakashi? Shouta was sure that he’d scared the silver-haired man into running off with Shikamaru, but here the boy was. Alone. Not being watched by Kakashi in any way that Shouta could tell. This was the first time that he’d even seen Shikamaru without Kakashi somewhere in sight.

Shouta approached the boy and sat down next to him on the cheap black siding; Shikamaru didn’t acknowledge him, not even a twitch. Shouta wondered how long Shikamaru had known he was there. 

“What’s with the deer?” he asked, tilting his head in its direction. 

“It’s my summon,” Shikamaru said by way of explanation, but Shouta didn’t know what that meant. Briefly, he wondered if he should ask, but then decided not to. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Shikamaru shrugged. “Kakashi is off doing stuff. He said that we need to leave soon, and the stuff he has to do is too dangerous. He didn’t bring me this time.” 

“Bring you?” Shouta echoed. 

“Yeah, he usually brings me with him so that he can keep an eye on me. I sleep in my bag through most of it.” 

Shouta paused, confused. “Your bag?” 

Shikamaru hummed. “Kakashi carries around a big bag for me to sleep in while he’s doing stuff. It’s comfortable.” 

So the suspicious bag Kakashi was carrying around did have Shikamaru in it… but it was for the boy to sleep in? Not to discreetly move him for illegal dealings, just… for him to sleep in? Shouta didn’t know what to make of that information. 

“What happens when you aren’t sleeping? What does Kakashi do?” He asked, hoping that Shikamaru knew something. Maybe he even knew where Kakashi was right now. 

“Kakashi’s usually getting money for us. Sometimes he gets other things.” 

“What other things?” 

“He mostly gets supplies… food. Ink. Weapons.” 

“Weapons?” Shouta remembered the bag of weapons Kakashi had in their apartment. Shouta wondered if those were just the back-ups. How many weapons did Kakashi have? How many people had he hurt with them? 

“Kakashi doesn’t trust people. It’s because he’s ANBU.” Shikamaru hummed. “ANBU never trust people. It’s not in their nature. At least, that’s what my father says about them.”  

“ANBU?” Shouta didn’t recognize the term. Was it an acronym for something? The child smuggling ring, perhaps? 

“You wouldn’t have heard of it. I’m a long way from home right now.” 

This was Shouta’s chance. He was speaking one-on-one with the boy, he could finally offer help. Shouta could get Shikamaru somewhere safe, somewhere far away from Kakashi. “I want to help you get back. To your parents. If Kakashi is hurting you in any way or you don’t feel safe—“ 

Shikamaru shook his head, the motion cutting off Shouta’s speech. “I was worried about this.” 

Shouta paused. “Worried about what?”

“I wasn’t sure at first. But that’s why I kept telling you things, but I purposefully made it sound wrong. I wanted to get you to admit to what you’re thinking. You think Kakashi kidnapped me, don’t you?” 

Shouta’s breath hitched. “Of course I think that. You said so yourself.” 

Shikamaru chuckled breathlessly. “That was just an inside joke, Aizawa-san. Kakashi’s been keeping me safe ever since we came here. I wouldn’t be alive without him.” 

Shouta didn’t understand. He pinched the bridge of his nose and told Shikamaru so. 

“Let me explain it to you then,” Shikamaru said, and then turned to face Shouta more directly. 

“I was playing hide and seek with my friends back home, except hide and seek is boring, so I fell asleep.” 

Shouta’s lips upturned. Of course the kid did. 

“But my hiding spot had been in the back of this crate, which was apparently part of a merchant caravan’s shipment. I woke up… hmm, about three hours away from my village. Once I realized what had happened, I jumped out and started walking back. It was troublesome. I would’ve simply gone home to take a nap had I known that I’d have to do that much exercise to get back home.

“About an hour into my walk, Kakashi found me. He doesn’t talk much, but he told me he’d been reassigned from a different mission to come find me and bring me home.” 

“Reassigned?” Shouta asked. 

Shikamaru nodded. “There was a…” Shikamaru frowned, as if he wasn’t sure how to put it. “A bad guy on the loose. Kakashi is one of our best, so he was on the team meant to track him down, but once my mother and father realized I was missing, they must’ve asked to have someone assigned to find me. My father holds a lot of power in our village, and Kakashi is a good tracker.” 

Shouta pictured Kakashi leaning over some animal prints and holding his chin, before deciding that the creature had gone east at 20 kilometers per hour and was slightly injured. He doubted that was what Shikamaru meant by a good tracker—the boy had implied that Kakashi was good at tracking people—but that was the image that Shouta’s brain provided regardless.

“Kakashi found me pretty quickly, I think. He’s fast, and his dogs can track anything. He was annoyed that he’d been reassigned, I could tell. He’s ANBU, not a babysitter.” Shikamaru looked amused. 

“Kakashi has dogs?” 

“Yes. They helped us a lot back before we settled down here. Kakashi was running himself dry trying to keep us safe while we were on the streets, but he doesn’t know that I noticed that. I tried to help him, but there wasn’t much I could do. I’m glad we found a place to settle down so that Kakashi could rest some.” 

Shouta winced. Suddenly he felt bad for thinking that Kakashi was hurting Shikamaru—if Shikamaru was telling the truth, then Kakashi was giving his everything to keep the boy safe.

“How did you get here, though?”

“I was getting there,” Shikamaru said, voice dry like he wasn’t amused by Shouta’s impatience. “On our way back, we were attacked by the man who Kakashi had previously been assigned to take down. I think Kakashi could’ve beat him, but I was there, and he was more focused on keeping me safe. Something happened, or rather, something went wrong, and we ended up here. Kakashi said that he’d accidentally warped the three of us across universes.” 

Across universes? How was that even possible? What did that even mean? Shouta remembered Tsukauchi saying that Kakashi and Shikamaru didn’t exist—which would fit—but logically speaking, it just didn’t make any sense. There was no way this was real. Shikamaru’s story was just as crazy as the ones he and Tsukauchi were investigating.

“Shikamaru…” he said slowly. “Are you sure that Kakashi didn’t brainwash you into thinking this? Are you hearing yourself? Your story is absurd.” 

“I know what I’ve lived, Aizawa-san,” Shikamaru said, and then stood. The boy snapped his fingers twice and the deer he’d been petting disappeared into smoke-like shadows that faded out completely after a few seconds. Shouta startled slightly, was the deer his quirk? 

Shikamaru’s dark eyes gleamed in the light of the street lamp, and shadows cast over his face in patterns that made him look far more intimidating than a six-year-old should. “Don’t interfere with us,” Shikamaru warned. “I can be dangerous when I need to be, but Kakashi is far worse. Get in his way again and it will be your end.” 

The words were chilling. Shouta found himself frozen there, unable to do anything more than watch as Shikamaru walked back towards their apartment building, his small figure disappearing into the shadows. 

Chapter Text

“Regarding the evidence you brought me,” Tsukauchi said as they hurried down the hall towards the forensics lab. “I ran facial recognition on the photos of the guy Kakashi was stalking and got some pretty interesting results.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Remember how Kakashi and Shikamaru didn’t exist? Neither does he.” 

They turned a corner and Shouta almost ran into an intern with a tray of coffees. She squeaked as he dodged and then she began apologizing profusely while Tsukauchi and Shouta kept walking. The scientist working the case had called Tsukacuhi two minutes prior, saying that he had a report on all the evidence Shouta had brought in and they were eager to know what he had to say. 

Tsukauchi opened the doors to the lab and Shouta followed behind them. “Nagasai, what do you have?” 

Nagasai, the forensic scientist in question, started at their abrupt entry. “Oh! You’re here, wow that was fast.” 

Shouta strode up to the table. Laid out across it was the evidence he’d gathered from Kakashi’s apartment.

“So,” Nagasai quickly recovered and began showing them the evidence. “I analyzed everything and was generally pretty confused. This—” he held up a plastic bag with one of the knives in it “—is an ancient kunai. They haven’t been used in centuries, and when they were, they were usually duller and used as farming tools. However, these kunai are clearly being used as weapons. These,” he picked up one of the shuriken next, “are from the same time period and era, but actually used as a weapon. I did some research and found that the shuriken is difficult to find in modern Japan, but not impossible. Both of the weapons seem to have a crafter’s signature.” He pointed to a tiny inscription on the side of the kunai. “But I can’t place it to anyone.” 

“Could it be illegally made?” Tsukauchi asked. 

“Sure could,” Nagasai agreed. He pointed to the money. “Anyway, this is stolen money that I traced to several banks that were robbed of small amounts of money lately. There were also a few partial fingerprints on the money which I traced to several of the small-time villains that you arrested, sir.” 

“Which ones?” Tsukauchi asked. 

Nagasai handed over a file folder, and Shouta leaned in to look at it. One name in particular stood out—Kokyo Junichiro. The tied-to-the-ceiling guy. 

“What you’re saying is that Kakashi has connections to all of these crimes?” Shouta clarified. 

Nagasai shrugged, “Either he committed them himself or he got paid by the guy who did.” 

“This is huge,” Tsukauchi muttered. “Anything else?” 

“Yeah, of course. I’ve got enough evidence here to write a book,” Nagasai joked, and then pointed to a picture. Shouta recognized it as one of the pictures he’d taken of the sigil on Kakashi’s floor. “That is a sacrificial seal used for summoning a demon from hell, but the interesting part is the ink. Of course, I could be wrong here since I didn’t get to test the original ink sample, but I decided to test some ink from our art store case on a piece of wood after I realized that this might have something to do with it. And…” He pulled out a piece of wood from a shelf below the table, and Shouta could see that symbols had been drawn onto it similar to the ones in the picture. 

“It’s a match,” Shouta realized. “The way the ink dried is almost the exact same.” 

“Exactly!” Nagasai cheered and bounced a little on the balls of his feet. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“How is this possible?” Shouta asked. “Kakashi has an alibi for at least two of the crimes. One of them being the art store robbery.” 

“Maybe he has a friend that’s doing the robbing and he’s just reaping the rewards,” Tsukauchi suggested. 

Shouta bit his lip. He’d never seen Kakashi with anyone, and Shikamaru talked like it was just him and Kakashi—well, him, Kakashi, and that bad guy that had apparently come with him… oh shit. 

Shouta grabbed the photo off the table, bringing it entirely too close to his face. “Tsukauchi, Shikamaru told me that—“ 

Shouta’s phone rang. The ringtone loud and blaring, reminiscent of an alarm. He stopped to answer. 

“Is this Pro Hero Eraserhead?” a voice asked before he could even say hello. 

“Yes,” Shouta confirmed, and noticed Tsukacuhi’s inquisitive look. Shouta gave a one-shouldered shrug, not sure what this was about either.

“This is the Hero Public Safety Commission. There’s a large-scale villain fight happening on the corner of Fukitsu and Hattoriten Street. The heroes on the scene are requesting immediate backup. Are you in the vicinity and capable of providing assistance?” 

Shouta tensed. He knew that the HPSC kept a log of heroes and their jurisdictions should backup be needed, but he’d never actually been called to a villain fight before due to being an underground hero. He wondered what sort of fight was going down that warranted the HPSC reaching out to him. “I’m on my way. What heroes are on the scene?” 

He waved a terse goodbye to Tsukauchi as he quickly made his way out of the station and towards the fight. The man on the phone listed out several heroes that Shouta recognized as being daylight heroes in the area, though none of them were particularly powerful. The call ended as he stepped outside. His eyes immediately caught sight of a smoke cloud barely visible over the buildings. Traffic was clogged up, car horns blaring, and people occasionally yelling out their windows. Heroes and police officers were already trying to redirect civilians around the fight, telling them to take detour routes and to avoid the fight at all costs. Shouta overheard a police officer telling off a child with green hair for trying to run towards the fight, hissing that this isn’t a normal villain fight young man, you need to go home.  

Shouta scaled a fire escape and made to start crossing rooftops, sliding his goggles into place over his eyes as he ran. 

Arriving at the scene was less like arriving at a villain fight and more like arriving on the front lines of a war. Flames licked up the walls of the closest buildings, setting the structures ablaze. The ground had been torn up, the asphalt road missing massive chunks that were now scattered every which way. People screamed and cried out and heroes rushed around the scene, trying to deal with the fire, the civilians, and the villains all at once. 

The two villains in question were moving at speeds that Shouta had only seen from heroes with speed-based quirks. But that was impossible, because speed quirks couldn’t explain the attacks they threw at each other. The fire, the decimated road, the carnage.

In a brief lull in the fight, Shouta recognized both of the villains in question. Silver hair, mask covering his face, kunai in hand—Kakashi. The other man had brown hair and a scar down his face—the man Kakashi had been stalking. 

Well, clearly Kakashi had given up on the stalking approach and gone straight for attempting murder. 

Shouta eyed the rest of the heroes on the scene and found that they’d focused their efforts on getting civilians to safety instead of involving themselves in the fight, a good strategy given the sheer destruction these two were causing. 

Kakashi started moving again, running up the side of a burning building, twisting, and leaping off, falling back towards his opponent, arm slinging as if he were throwing a baseball towards the villain. 

Shouta’s eyes widened as Kakashi’s opponent flew backwards, having been hit by an invisible force, as though he’d thrown a powerful gust of wind at the other villain. Kakashi landed back down on the ground and rushed his opponent again, only to get blocked by a wall of flames. 

A scream ripped through the air and Shouta tore his eyes away from the fight towards the origin of the scream, seeing a hero with several civilians around her, their group trapped by the fire that had burst to life from the hands of Kakashi’s opponent. 

Shouta leaped towards them, painfully aware that he wasn’t fireproof, but he had to help where he could. But before he could get there, water swept in front of him in a rushing torrent and put out the fire, steam sizzling up into the sky. Then, the liquid twisted and attacked the brown-haired villain. 

Shouta’s first thought was that a hero with a water quirk had shown up—the Water Hose duo, perhaps. His second thought was less of a thought and more of a shocked realization that the water had come from Kakashi. And it wasn’t normal water. 

A towering dragon attacked the brown-haired man relentlessly; it devoured all the flames that erupted from the villain’s hands, coiling its body tight around pillars of fire and drenching burning buildings in water. A blast of fire so hot it was white slammed into its side, creating a massive plume of steam. Shivers rippled through the dragon’s body from the blow, its liquid form barely contained, but it managed to fight back with another gust of water. 

Shouta watched in awe for a while, far too long for a pro hero, before he thought to act. His eyes flashed with erasure, aimed at both Kakashi and his opponent, but… nothing. 

The water dragon remained. The brown-haired man continued to try to counter it. Neither Kakashi nor the man seemed to notice that anything had even changed. Shouta’s quirk hadn’t affected them at all. 

He hadn’t expected that—it made sense, this sheer range of power just wasn’t possible with quirks—but it hadn’t occurred to him that these two were fighting with any power other than quirks. 

His mind drifted back to what Shikamaru had said about them being from another universe, and this time, Shouta actually considered that he might’ve been telling the truth. 

The water dragon was hit with a flurry of asphalt that had been torn up from the street and lost its form, splashing down around them. The water dampened Shouta’s clothes, but he hardly noticed, too enraptured by the fight. 

The loss of the dragon didn’t slow Kakashi’s attacks in the least. 

Kakashi’s fighting style was crisp and fast, but not deadly. The longer Shouta watched, the more he realized that Kakashi wasn’t aiming to kill his opponent, rather to incapacitate him. Kakashi fought with skills Shouta had learned in high school, though Kakashi’s version was much more intense. The brown-haired man, on the other hand, was absolutely trying to kill Kakashi, his attacks aimed at Kakashi’s vital points. He caused chaos and destruction with no regard to his surroundings, his focus on Kakashi and Kakashi alone. 

Shouta couldn’t help in this fight. They were both fighting on a level that Shouta could never match. He needed to focus on saving the civilians in the area just as the other heroes had, and hope that Kakashi would be the one to come out victorious—though he wasn’t sure what good that would do if Kakashi was just as evil. 

It wasn’t often that Shouta wished All Might was in the area, but this was one of those few times. They could really use the Symbol of Peace right now. 

His eyes locked onto a child cowering behind a piece of debris, hand over his mouth and curled so tight into a ball it’s no wonder Shouta didn’t see him earlier. Carefully, he swung himself down to the ground and made his way over to the kid, occasionally glancing back at the fight to make sure that Kakashi and the other villain weren’t about to decimate the area. At the moment, they were fighting with knives, the screech of metal ringing in his ears. Shouta could handle knives. 

“Hey,” he greeted the kid, who had fluffy purple hair and wide eyes, perhaps a shade darker, that stared up at him in something like hope. “I’m Eraserhead, I’m a hero. I’m going to get you somewhere safe, okay?” 

The kid nodded and held out his arms for Shouta without hesitation. Shouta smiled softly and scooped the kid up into his arms. Shouta figured the boy was about nine years old, probably not old enough to be out alone. “Where are your parents?” He asked, moving towards where he could see an ambulance parked not far away, EMTs setting up a triage station for the civilians injured by the debris and fire. 

The boy shook his head. “Momma ran off to find a hero, but she… she got hit by the fire.” 

Shouta pursed his lips. “And your dad?” 

“He’s at work.” 

Shouta nodded and kept picking his way through the debris, occasionally having to shift the boy around so that he could balance properly on the crumbling asphalt. “Do you know his phone number?”

The boy nodded. 

“Okay. I’m going to bring you to someone who can help you call him and let him know that you’re alright. What does your mom look like?” 

“She looks like me, but her hair is a bit straighter,” the boy mumbled. His fists curled in the fabric of Shouta’s hero costume. “Is she gonna be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Shouta said honestly. He’d learned a long time ago never to lie and say that someone will be alright, no matter how much you want to comfort someone, because you can never guarantee that they will be. Still… “She might’ve already been saved by a different hero.” She might be dead. 

“Eraserhead?” the boy asked, and Shouta hummed to signal that he was listening. “Thank you.” 

Shouta pet the boy’s hair, smoothing down the wild locks in an attempt to comfort him. “You’re welcome.” They’d reached the triage units, and a police officer was already walking up to Shouta, ready to take the boy and bring him to a doctor if needed. “I’m going to hand you over to this nice policeman, okay?” 

The boy nodded and let himself be handed over. Shouta gave him a quick pat on the shoulder before he turned back towards the fight. 

Kakashi and his opponent were still going at it—a fireball, a wall of earth thrown up to block it, a flurry of shuriken followed by a gust of wind so powerful that it knocked over several of the heroes trying to do damage control. These two were fighting viciously, the already intense fight escalating. 

Shouta thought back to the boy he’d just saved and wondered where Shikamaru was. Was he back at the apartment? Was this the “stuff” Kakashi had to do that Shikamaru couldn’t be there for? 

Shouta shook his head clear it. He needed to focus on the here and now. He should look for the boy’s mother.

He picked his way back through the battlefield, narrowly dodging a deflected kunai, and found a hero picking a woman with purple hair up off the ground. She didn’t seem to be conscious. “Hey!” Shouta called. The hero turned towards him. 

“What is it?” 

“That woman, is she alive?”

The hero grimaced. “Yes, but I’m not sure for how much longer. She’s got pretty bad burns, and she’s bleeding a lot. I was just getting her to the triage tent.” 

Shouta nodded. “Go. Be fast. I just saved her son.”

The hero straightened, muttered a tense, “shit,” and then hurried off, moving with even more purpose than before, if that were possible. 

A howl ripped through the air and Shouta tensed, turning back to the fight to see Kakashi surrounded by about eight dogs of varying sizes—the biggest being a massive bulldog that came up to Kakashi’s chest while the smallest was the size of a house cat. The dogs rushed their target and overwhelmed him in a matter of seconds, claws and teeth digging into flesh and holding the villain down between them. 

Shouta’s jaw dropped. 

So these were Kakashi’s dogs…

Kakashi strode up to the man and looked at him for a moment, leaving Shouta to wonder what he was doing. Then the man fell asleep, shoulders slumping and head lolling to the side like he’d just been dosed with horse tranquilizers. Shouta’s head cocked to the side in confusion, but he didn’t get to stay confused for long before Kakashi’s dogs disappeared in puffs of smoke, quickly followed by Kakashi and his opponent vanishing as well.

The only evidence left of their presence was a swirl of leaves and the destruction they’d left in their wake.

Chapter Text

Shouta left the scene as fast as he could. He knew, logically, that there was nothing he could do against Kakashi. He knew, logically, that his help would be more valuable if he assisted in the aftermath of the battle. He knew, logically, that chances were that Kakashi wouldn’t even be at the apartment by the time that Shouta got there. 

But he also knew, emotionally, that he couldn’t just ignore Kakashi and Shikamaru. Skirting around the truth was no longer an option. He had to find them and he needed to do everything in his power to get Shikamaru away from someone as dangerous as Kakashi. At the very least, he wanted to know if Shikamaru had been telling the truth.  

Shouta had replaced Kakashi’s door after the last time he’d busted through it, but this time he didn’t need to break it down to get access to the apartment, as it wasn’t even closed. Shouta pushed open the door the rest of the way and stepped through. 

The apartment was in a state of chaos. The sigil on the floor—the one that was meant to summon a demon from hell via a virgin sacrifice—had been completely uncovered and Kakashi’s hostage was tied to a chair in the center of it. The ropes he was bound with were covered in pieces of paper with similar writing on them. Shouta wasn’t sure he wanted to know what those did. He also wasn’t sure if he wanted to know if the hostage was meant to be the virgin sacrifice, and not Shikamaru. 

Kakashi was slumped over the couch looking seconds away from falling asleep, with Shikamaru bustling around him, packing up various items and throwing things occasionally at Kakashi, who didn’t bother to catch any of the items, instead letting them hit him. Neither of them had noticed Shouta’s presence—or at least, hadn’t acknowledged him yet.

“It took you long enough to find him,” Shikamaru was saying, and then placed a piece of paper on top of a chess set, pressed his palm to it, and the entire board disappeared into the slip of paper. His quirk, perhaps?

Kakashi groaned. “It’s not my fault that he had shadow clones all over the city. I was chasing ghosts most of the time.” 

Shikamaru tsked in response and then looked up, locking eyes with Shouta. “What are you doing here?” 

The question forcibly reminded Shouta of why he was here. His capture weapon flared out and bound Kakashi tightly, securing the man’s arms. “Kakashi, you’re under arrest—” 

“Aizawa-san,” Shikamaru interrupted the second Kakashi made to sit up. “I told you what would happen if you tried to intervene in what we’re doing. Don’t test Kakashi-san.” 

“Shikamaru, you’re being manipulated. Kakashi is a dangerous villain and—” 

Kakashi, proving Shouta’s point, broke out of the binding cloth, his raw strength ripping it to pieces which shouldn’t be possible, and rushed Shouta. Shouta barely had the time to register what was happening before he was slammed against the wall. He hit the drywall with a grunt; the wind pushed forcefully out of his lungs, leaving him gasping and reeling, desperate for air.  

Okay. Maybe Kakashi wasn’t as tired as he’d looked. 

Kakashi’s gaze was dark, burning with contempt. Shouta hadn’t seen the man look this determined to do anything in the last several weeks—not even while he was fighting. Kakashi’s lazy expression had become so ingrained in Shouta’s mind that when faced with this sort of collected rage, Shouta barely even recognized the man. 

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand, hero,” Kakashi hissed out between clenched teeth. “You’ve no idea what you’re getting yourself into.” 

Shouta gulped. “I know I see a child who’s in danger—” 

Kakashi scoffed and released Shouta, heading back towards the couch where the ripped fragments of Shouta’s capture weapon lay strewn across the floor. “I hate the heroes in this dimension,” Kakashi said, but it was unclear if he was talking to Shikamaru or Shouta. “I prefer shinobi. At least we don’t pretend to be saints.” Kakashi flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes. 

Shouta didn’t know how to respond to that.

Shikamaru grunted and nodded, and then picked up more things, packing them away into his slips of paper. 

“Is Ushinai still unconscious?” Kakashi muttered. 

Shikamaru stopped what he was doing with the bundle of clothes he’d been about to put away in order to step towards the man bound in the chair—Ushinai—and prod at his slack face. “Seems so.”

“Good. It’ll be easier to bring him to T&I once we get back.”

Shouta stood there, back still pressed firmly against the now-dented wall even though he wasn’t being pinned anymore, shocked.

Neither Kakashi nor Shikamaru seemed to care that he was still there, though Shouta figured they had no reason to. His quirk wouldn’t work against them, his capture weapon had been torn to pieces, and he couldn’t hope to match Kakashi’s strength. He was now nothing more than a bystander to their schemes. 

“Can you really get us back home?” Shikamaru asked.

“Well, that is what the seal is for.”

“What about your sharingan? That’s how we got here in the first place, why not just use that?”

“It’s too unreliable, I’ve never used it for inter-dimensional travel before. At least with the seal, I know we’ll get where I want us to go. That’s why I spent so long on it.” 

“Troublesome.”

“No kidding.”

“You designed the seal yourself?”

“Well, it’s actually mostly the Yondaime’s design, with a few tweaks of my own to account for cross-dimensional interference. I tested it on Pakkun the other day and he said it worked, so I’m fairly confident.”

Shikamaru sighed and rubbed at his forehead like he was trying to massage away a headache. “Our trip has made me understand what my father meant.”

“Hm?”

“He said that you waste your talents by staring at the memorial stone all day.”

Kakashi cracked an eye open, “Oh?”

Shikamaru gathered up the many pieces of paper that he’d been using and stuffed them inside of a bag, pulling it closed with a huff. “I didn’t see what he meant—I mean, you’re said to be one of the most dangerous shinobi of our time, so what talents could you possibly have to waste? I just couldn’t understand it. But you’ve just designed a seal capable of crossing dimensions like it was nothing.” He sighed. “My father was right. You could do so much more with your life than you already have.”

Kakashi hummed noncommittally, neither confirming nor denying Shikamaru’s claim. 

The boy tied the bag closed and turned, declaring, “Everything is ready.”

“Wonderful. Let’s go. I’m tired of babysitting you.”

“You could’ve been stuck with a worse child,” Shikamaru pointed out. 

“I don’t even want to think about that.” Kakashi stood up from the couch and stretched his arms out, leveling a look at Shouta. “Sorry for worrying you all this time with Shikamaru’s safety. I really didn’t mean to kidnap him, it was an accident. Now, we can finally get out of your hair.” Kakashi’s voice dropped lower, as if talking to himself, “and he can finally get out of mine too.” 

Shouta opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out. 

“I’ll be bringing this little gremlin back to his parents now.” Kakashi reached over and ruffled Shikamaru’s ponytail, who scowled at him. 

Shouta finally found his voice. “Do you promise? Do you promise you’ll bring him back to his family and that he’ll be safe?” 

“He’ll be far safer with them than he will be with me, so yes, I promise. Now,” He waved for Shikamaru to follow him and they both stepped onto the array painted on the ground. “We’ll be off—“ 

“Wait,” Shouta cut in. “I need to know one more thing.” 

Kakashi looked exasperated. “What is it?” 

“The crimes that have been happening, the ones with the hallucinations. Have you been committing those?” 

Kakashi nodded once. “I was.” 

Shouta felt as though a weight was lifted off of his shoulders and he relaxed marginally. “Where are you going?” 

“Home, obviously,” Shikamaru said. “Kakashi’s seal should bring us back to our dimension. We’ll also be bringing this guy with us.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder at Ushinai. “And he’ll be going to prison for all the crimes he committed, both here and in our universe.” 

“Crimes?” Shouta echoed. 

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “You weren’t aware of all the murders happening?” 

Shouta paused. He knew the police had been overworked recently, but he’d never asked what they’d been working on exactly. He’d heard something brief about a serial killer case, but had been too caught up with Kakashi to think much of it. He wondered just how many actual crimes he’d missed while he’d been stressing out over Shikamaru. “Admittedly, I was a bit distracted.” 

Kakashi huffed, “Well, Ushinai was the cause of all the murders that involved the burned or branded victims. You can cross him off your list, he’ll be punished once we bring him home.” 

Shouta nodded tersely. “I see. Thank you.” 

Kakashi waved a hand, “No problem. I was assigned to either kill him or take him into custody before my assignment got switched to finding this brat. Seems I’ve managed to kill two birds with one stone, and also invented a new jutsu while I was at it.” 

Shikamaru scoffed a laugh. Shouta sighed and bowed his head. “Well… next time you start trying to kill multiple birds with one stone, be a little less suspicious about it.” 

Kakashi rolled his eyes and then crouched down, fingers tracing over the inked floor. “I wasn’t being that suspicious, you were just reading everything wrong. Shikamaru did tell you where we’re from and how we got here. It’s not my fault you didn’t believe him.” 

Shouta couldn’t argue with that one. In his defense, accidental cross-dimensional travel was pretty far-fetched. 

“Say goodbye now, Shika-kun. We’re going home.” Kakashi placed his hand down on the floor, palm pressing into one of the inked patterns. 

“Goodbye, Aizawa-san. I hope your next neighbors are less suspicious than us,” Shikamaru said with an amused glint in his eyes, though his face remained unimpressed. 

Kakashi smiled, eyes crinkling up into twin crescents. “And next time you invite your neighbors to dinner, interrogate them more subtly.”

Shouta didn’t have the time to respond before the seal glowed white and the three people disappeared. 

Shouta sat with Tsukauchi in his office, both of them eating takeout, Shouta’s feet propped up on the desk. “—and then they left,” Shouta finished, slurping up more noodles. 

“Just like that?” Tsukauchi asked around a mouthful of rice. 

Shouta nodded. “Just like that.” 

Tsukauchi swallowed. “Damn, alright. This is going to be an interesting case to file. Can’t wait to see what my boss says about this one.” 

Shouta snorted. “No shit. Oh, and have you guys been dealing with a serial killer that brands or burns his victims?” 

Tsukauchi squinted. “Yeah, my superior’s been complaining about it all month. Why?” 

“Apparently, that was the Ushinai guy.” 

Tsukauchi raised an eyebrow and then reached for a notepad and pen. “The guy that Kakashi was fighting and brought back to his dimension?” 

“The very one.” 

Tsukauchi scribbled it down onto his notepad, the sounds of the pen on paper filling Shouta’s ears. “Huh. Well, I suppose it’s good that that guy is gone. I think Haburashi-san was about to have a mental breakdown over that case. ” 

Shouta hummed and shoveled more food into his mouth. 

“They’re really from another dimension?” Tsukauchi said after a while. 

Shouta nodded. 

“I hope they stay there,” Tsukauchi muttered. “Inter-dimensional visitors are annoying, and besides—” he threw his pen down on his desk, “—how the hell am I supposed to get a promotion if all of my cases end up going cold?” 

Shouta snorted. “I’m sure that the Chief will be impressed we even got as far as we did. Also, didn’t you get promoted like three months ago?” 

“Yeah yeah, what can I say?” Tsukauchi shrugged. “I’m looking forward to being the best detective in this whole precinct.” 

Shouta huffed in amusement. “I’m sure you’ll get there. Who knows, maybe you just need a big case to break the ranks.” 

Tsukauchi muttered something under his breath that sounded oddly like, “I’d need to work with All Might himself to do that.” 

Shouta chose to ignore that comment. If Tsukauchi wanted to deal with someone as flamboyant and annoying as All Might, then that was his issue. Shouta would be resolutely staying home if All Might came to town. Speaking of home…  

“Do you know anybody that does drywall?” Shouta questioned. 

“Why?”

“Ah, Kakashi dented the wall of his apartment with my body when he slammed me into it, and that was the wall we shared, so…” he waved his hand around in the air, “my dining room wall desperately needs a renovation.” 

Tsukauchi winced. “That sounds rough, were you hurt?” 

“I’m a bit sore, but nothing hospital worthy,” Shouta grumbled. “I’m assuming that’s a no.” 

Tsukauchi nodded, “Sorry. Doesn’t Midnight work with that uhm… Cementoss guy, though? Maybe he can help you out.” 

“Ah yes, let me just get a cement wall for my dining room,” Shouta said sarcastically. “I’m sure my landlord will love that.” 

Tsukauchi burst out laughing. “That’s not what I meant! I was trying to say that Cementoss might know someone that can do drywall.” 

Shouta chuckled. “Are you trying to imply that Cementoss hangs around other construction-themed people?”

Tsukauchi threw his hands in the air. “Maybe he does!” 

Before Shouta could make a joke about Cementoss’ brother being a drywall hero, his phone buzzed with a text. He picked it up and read the message. 

Kayama:

You okay? Yamada and I saw the news. 

Shouta: 

Fine. 

Kakashi and Shikamaru were apparently from another dimension, which they went back to. 

Kayama: 

That’s not what I was expecting you to say

Shouta: 

It was even weirder in person

Kayama: 

I bet

So is Shikamaru safe? 

Shouta: 

He should be back with his parents now. I don’t think Kakashi ever posed a threat to him. Suppose I was worried about nothing.

Kayama: 

Maybe you were, but that’s okay. You were concerned about a child’s safety, even if he was fine all along. Shows you care. 

Shouta: 

Eh. 

Kayama: 

You clearly care about kids, Sho. You wouldn’t have put so much effort into trying to protect him if you didn’t. 

Shouta: 

I just didn’t want to see him get hurt. That’s different from actually liking children. 

Kayama: 

Maybe it is. But seriously, Sho, you should give my offer of working at UA some more thought. Those kids need someone like you to keep them safe while they’re learning how to be heroes. 

Shouta frowned, remembering how it had felt to watch one of his best friends get carted away in a body bag. He’d be a terrible teacher. He was closed off and impatient, cold and unforgiving. But here Kayama was, telling him that maybe that’s exactly what future heroes needed. 

Shouta: 

Fine.

When does the next school year start again?

Kayama blasted him with a series of excited keyboard smashes that Shouta chose to ignore. He turned off his phone and tuned out the way his phone continued to buzz with texts for the next several minutes. 

“What’s that about?” Tsukauchi asked, eyeing Shouta’s phone warily.

Shouta ran a hand through his hair. “I think I just agreed to teach at UA.”

Tsukauchi snorted. “Oh? Thought you hated kids.”

Shouta leaned back in his chair. “I guess Shikamaru changed my mind. Who would’ve guessed that Kakashi’s going to be causing me headaches for the rest of my life.” 

Tsukauchi barked a laugh and then picked up his soda, raising it up towards the ceiling light. “I can toast to that.” 

Shouta pulled his feet off the desk and picked up his soda to toast, amused. “To Kakashi and Shikamaru being inter-dimensional pains in our asses?” 

“And to them staying in their own dimension,” Tsukauchi chimed in, and their cups clinked together. 

“Cheers,” Shouta muttered in tandem with Tsukauchi. 

Chapter Text

Deleted Scene 1 – Mission Gone Wrong

“You want me to do what?” Kakashi asked, incredulously.  

Lord Third sighed, and repeated his previous statement, “I want you to find Shikamaru Nara.” 

Kakashi was no less confused than the first time he’d heard the statement. 

“As you know, we’re still dealing with the missing nin situation—“ Lord Third started to explain, and yes, Kakashi was well aware of that situation, which was why he was so baffled as to why he was being transferred over to babysitting duty. “—but Yoshino-san has just informed Shikaku-san that Shikamaru-kun is missing and, given the present situation, I’d rather not have to deal with the Nara’s coming at my throat in case the two events are somehow related.” 

Kakashi scowled. There were a hundred other ninja more qualified for finding a child and less qualified for finding a missing nin. Still, he couldn’t say no to a direct order… no matter how much he wanted to. 

“He’ll be returned home safely, Hokage-sama.” Kakashi promised with a bow, and then prepared himself to leave. 

Lord Third gave him a dismissing nod and Kakashi took off. 

The sooner he found the stupid Nara child, the better. 

He bit the tip of his finger, drawing blood, and pulled out a scroll with the other hand, jumping across rooftops as he went. He pressed his finger to the seal written on the scroll and Pakkun joined him.

“Hey boss,” Pakkun greeted, immediately taking to keeping pace with Kakashi, looking around for a threat. “What’s the situation?”

“Missing Nara child. Find him.” 

Pakkun gave him a look, “I’ll admit, that’s not the order I was expecting.” 

“Me neither.”

Pakkun took several moments to scout their surroundings, occasionally turning and leading Kakashi across several rooftops, only to turn around and head back the way they’d come. 

“Found him,” Pakkun eventually said, and led Kakashi towards the main road leading out of Konoha. 

Kakashi could not imagine what Shikamaru was doing on this road— or outside of the gates of Konoha, for that matter. Shikamaru? The Shikamaru that he’d seen fall asleep on the swing set once? No way that child would willingly leave Konoha. 

Kakashi picked up the pace, and Pakkun took the hint. They raced forward, senses on high alert, tearing through the gates and past all the guards. 

Two minutes later, Kakashi skidded to a stop, baffled. 

Shikamaru was… strolling back towards Konoha? Looking extremely annoyed to be in this situation? 

Kakashi locked eyes with Pakkun, asking a silent question. Pakkun denied it. 

Damn… so this wasn’t a trick. 

Well, at least this had been an easy mission. 

“Maa, Shikamaru-kun,” Kakashi said, approaching the boy. 

Shikamaru looked up with exhausted eyes, “ANBU-san.”

“I was sent to come find you and bring you home… might I ask what you’re doing outside of Konoha’s gates?’ 

Shikamaru frowned, muttered, “Troublesome.” And then latched himself onto Kakashi’s leg. “I was playing hide and seek with Choji. Fell asleep. Woke up in the back of a merchant’s caravan all the way back there. Been walking for hours.” 

And with that, his eyes slipped completely closed and Kakashi realized that Shikamaru was out. 

Kakashi blinked. 

“You two look cute,” Pakkun teased. 

Kakashi rolled his eyes at him, and then reached down and pried Shikamaru off his leg, settling the 6 year old on his hip instead. “I’m a dangerous shinobi, listed in the bingo books of several rivaling nations not,” he scowled at Shikamaru’s stupidly adorable face, “a babysitter.” 

Pakkun didn’t look convinced. 

Kakashi turned and made his way back towards Konoha, the return trip being much slower this time because he didn’t want to disturb the sleeping boy. 

In Kakashi’s opinion, the return trek was going well. Then again, he was only judging based on the fact that he had yet to wake Shikamaru up. Still… total victory. 

Shikamaru snored lightly against his shoulder as they walked, his breaths in time with Kakashi’s every third step. The forest around them was peaceful, the branches swaying gently above them, animals flitting between the leaves before disappearing out of view again. The serenity of it all put Kakashi at ease, fingers occasionally rubbing back and forth along Shikamaru’s back. Pakkun walked alongside him, silent most of the time except to point out the occasional squirrel or deer track. 

Kakashi kept having to remind himself that he was supposed to be upset about being reassigned from the Ushinai case. But… there was something about working a peaceful mission for once that made it harder and harder to tell himself that. 

Kakashi let his guard down the closer they got to Konoha, feeling more and more at peace with this simplistic mission of keeping the Nara child safe. That was his first mistake. 

His second mistake was not dodging. 

Several kunai dug into Kakashi’s shoulder before he could react, leaving red-hot blood to bubble up around the metal. Shikamaru stirred in Kakashi’s arms and Kakashi held him tighter, determined to protect him. His eyes searched wildly around for the assailant, but to no avail. Luckily, Pakkun had him covered. The dog leapt forward and ran up the trunk of a nearby tree. It only took a few seconds before his attacker was dragged out of the foliage and into Kakashi’s line of sight. Heh, good dog.

The man in question was familiar. Eerily so. Just Kakashi’s luck that he’d get reassigned off the Ushinai case, began to start liking his new mission, and then immediately got forcibly re-involved with the Ushinai case. Sometimes Kakashi hated being in ANBU, he always had to clean up all the problems. Missing nin were annoying. Why couldn’t most missing-nin just be like Tsunade and go gambling instead of causing mass destruction? Huh?

Kakashi resolved himself to the fight and sprinted up the tree after Ushinai, flashing several one-handed seals before forming a small lightning jutsu. Electricity crackled in the air as it hit his opponent, but the attack was pointless in the end—substitution jutsu. As much as Kakashi loved using that jutsu, he hated it when it was used against him. 

Luckily, this time, he didn’t have to look for long to find Ushinai. The missing-nin rushed up behind Kakahsi, kunai in hand. Kakashi dodged, careful to protect Shikamaru at all costs, while also intending to take down Ushinai. In the back of his mind he knew that in order for Ushinai to be this deep into the forest he must’ve defeated or somehow evaded the ANBU squad that was assigned to his case, which meant that fighting him and protecting Shikamaru at the same time was going to be difficult. Very difficult. 

Kakashi returned Ushinai’s attack with an attack of his own before substituting his body with a nearby piece of wood and then threw up several clones to continue to distract Ushinai. If the nin was anywhere near as good as his report said then those clones wouldn’t give Kakashi much time. Kakashi set Shikamaru down and quietly instructed Pakkun to protect him before pulling off his ANBU mask to reveal his sharingan. He was about to need it. 

When the last clone dissipated, Kakashi threw himself back into the fight, hand signs swiftly forming the familiar seal for Chidori. Ushinai dodged each swipe deftly, defended against the stronger attacks, and returned some of his own during  the lulls in Kakashi’s attacks, but barely. Kakashi watched the intervals in reaction time, they were getting shorter and shorter with each attack. Ushinai was older than him, the scars marring his body showing his age and how many battles he’d fought, but in terms of experience, Kakashi reasoned they were probably on the same level. That meant that right now, Kakashi’s youth was putting him at an advantage. 

…ugh, now he sounds like Gai. 

A bark sounded in his ears and Kakashi glanced over to see a clone,or perhaps the real Ushinai, towering over Pakkun and Shikamaru, fire dancing across his skin. Kakashi’s eyes widened and he abandoned his fight with whichever Ushinai this was, leaping towards Shikamaru’s still sleeping form. Kakashi couldn’t believe the kid was still asleep, but he also couldn’t believe that he’d been so stupid as to leave the boy alone with only Pakkun as protection. He should’ve made another clone, dammit. Kakashi got in front of the attack in time, barely stopping the fireball with his own body. The flames raged along his skin and Kakashi screamed in pain, and that certainly woke Shikamaru up. 

“ANBU-san?” He asked, voice small and timid. 

“Don’t worry,” Kakashi wheezed out. “It’ll be fine. Just stay,” he panted around the pain, and stood up completely, preparing to make another chidori. “Just stay behind me. I’ll keep you safe.” 

It was a promise Kakashi intended to keep, but when the two Ushinai’s launched two massive fireballs at them, Kakashi panicked, the only thought in his mind being ‘I have to keep this kid safe.’

The mangekyou sharingan swirled to life, its tomoe taking root in Kakashi’s eye and sucking up the fireballs into its depths. But that wasn’t all it took. Before Kakashi knew it, he, Shikamaru, Pakkun, and Ushinai were all dragged into its portal and spit out the other side. 

When Kakashi came to, it was to a raging inferno and a small child clinging to his chest whimpering, “ANBU-san, ANBU-san wake up. You have to get up and fight or he’ll kill us.”

Deleted Scene 2 – Fatherhood is hard, okay? 

Shouta sighed as he walked into his apartment, exhausted after a long night of patrol. He stumbled into his kitchen and found only one remaining jelly pack in his fridge—damn, he’d have to go to the store soon. 

Shouta opened the packet and slurped up its contents, absentmindedly noticing that he’d left the window open in the living room. He probably needed to start getting more sleep, if only because leaving his window open as a pro hero—no matter how nice it was outside—was basically an invitation for a villain to break into his apartment. 

Shouta got to the open window and reached out to close it, only for his ears to pick up on a familiar voice. 

“I was not prepared for fatherhood,” Kakashi muttered, and Shouta looked down to see the silver haired man reaching into a dumpster. 

What? 

“Shikamaru, get out of the trash.” 

Incoherent grumbling was the response. 

“Shikamaru,” that sounded like a warning if Shouta had ever heard one. “Don’t make me angry.” 

“How troublesome,” Shikamaru returned and Shouta saw the boy get out of the trash and brush a banana peel off of his shoulder. 

“What were you even doing in the dumpster?” 

“Eating.” 

“Eating?” 

“Yeah. You didn’t feed me.” 

“Shit.” Kakashi grumbled for a moment, “So you went dumpster diving?” 

Deleted Scene 3 – You know that one scene from ICarly? Yeah.

Kakashi kept walking despite Shouta’s presence there, not acknowledging Shouta in any way other than shifting the bag higher up on his shoulder so that it didn’t brush against Shouta as he passed. 

“What’s in the bag?” Shouta asked, trying not to sound suspicious. 

“A smoothie,” Kakashi responded without a beat of hesitation, and then disappeared down the staircase. 

Deleted Scene 4 – He’s Trying His Best… 

“Good morning,” Kakashi said, leaning over Shikamaru who laid in the bed, having been sleeping for the last few hours. “I’ve got good news.” 

“What?” Shikamaru grumbled

“I got you chess games,” Kakashi gestured to all the games behind him. “I wasn’t sure which one you’d want though, so I just… got all of them. See, here we’ve got the All Might and Endeavor themed one, and this is a normal one, and this is a—“ 

“What the…” Shikamaru muttered as Kakashi continued his sales pitch. “Why?”

Kakashi gave him a look. “Why? Because you kept complaining about being bored when I’m gone. You’re a Nara, you like logic games.” 

“Yeah.” Shikamaru agreed. “When I have someone to play them with.” 

Kakashi blinked. He looked at all the chess boards lining their apartment floor. “You can play with Pakkun.” 

Shikamaru facepalmed. 

He pointed at a few random ones, “I’ll keep those. Return the rest.” 

Kakashi didn’t look like he knew how to do that. 

Deleted Scene 5 – The Crimes and the Criminal 

“Let’s match up the crimes to reasons why Kakashi would’ve done them. Some of them don’t add up—especially the one with the criminal tied to the ceiling.” 

Tsukauchi nodded. “You’ve got a point. Our first incident was the villain that was tied up and stripped of all of his valuables.” 

“Road of life guy,” Shouta remembered. “Maybe Kakashi needed cash?” 

“Why? What’s the motive?” 

“Feeding Shikamaru?”

“If he kidnapped the kid, then would he really go out of his way to attack a dangerous villain for money? Why not just a civilian?” 

Shouta thought about it for a while, and then shook his head. “I’m not sure. Maybe he bothered Kakashi somehow and the money was a bonus.” 

“We’ll have to interview him again,” Tsukauchi said, writing that down on his notepad. “Okay, the second incident was the bank robbery. That one seems obvious… the third was the pet shop.” 

“I would’ve noticed if Kakashi had dogs—they’re not allowed at our apartment. Though…” he thought back to the dog prints on the stairs. “I did see dog prints around. Maybe he’s hiding them somewhere?” 

“And the salt lick?” 

“Uhm… maybe one of his dogs has a sodium deficiency?” 

Tsukauchi snorted, “Alright, obviously the pet store case is a bit of a stretch. After that are the chess games.” 

Shouta frowned and then shook his head, “No clue about that one.” 

“Me neither.” Tsukauchi scratched at the side of his face where stubble was starting to grow, “After that was the leg warmers case, but that one wasn’t connected to a robbery of any kind.” 

“Maybe she knew something that Kakashi needed? Had a connection to the kidnapping situation?” 

“Maybe… what about ceiling guy?” 

“Same thing? That guy he mentioned meeting with might be an enemy of Kakashi’s.” 

“Have you ever seen Kakashi use a quirk?” 

Shouta shook his head, “Not once. But his left eye is different from his right… it’s kinda like…” he reached for a piece of paper and drew a circle with three tomoe circling it. “That.” 

Tsukauchi leaned forward, “Weird.” 

Shouta hummed, “After that was the hardware shop and the art shop, right?” 

Tsukauchi nodded. “What do you think he could’ve wanted with those?”

“Locks,” Shouta said instantly. “Blinds. He managed to procure both of those out of nowhere. I never even noticed.” 

“And the ink?” 

Shouta thought about it for a long moment before he gave in and shook his head. “No clue.” 

Deleted Scene 6 – Oh god… not the dinner invite

(Written by a friend after I told her about my plans for the dinner scene)

Kakashi bursts into the apartment. “CODE RED!” he screams! 

“WHAT?!” The child starts to question his forcefully adopted father’s panic. 

“HE INVITED US FOR DINNER. IT'S THE STRONGEST WEAPON,” Kakashi takes a moment to breathe, “H O S P I T A L I T Y.” 

The room goes silent. 

“N O.” The child is distraught. This is it. They can’t say no.

Deleted Scene 7 – Kakashi please stop reading porn in front of children

Shouta crept through the apartment, cautious even though he knew that Kakashi and Shikamaru weren’t home. Shouta wasn’t sure what he was looking for exactly, but he was positive that there would be concrete evidence of some kind in Kakashi’s apartment. Something that Shouta could arrest him with. Laundered money, weapons, or child porn… something, anything. 

He started with the bedroom. Most criminals keep their valuables close to them, hidden under the mattress or in a false bottom of a dresser. Shouta wouldn’t have been surprised to find something there—

Shouta stopped halfway to the bedroom and backtracked. 

There, on the floor, peeking out from underneath the carpet, was some sort of sigil written in black ink on the floorboard. 

Shouta forgot all about his mission to find incriminating evidence in the bedroom, having just found some hidden underneath the living room carpet. He lifted the corner of the rug and found that the symbols continued. 

He rolled back the rug entirely, revealing a massive array of symbols that Shouta didn’t recognize—but he knew that they weren’t good. 

Shouta pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of the symbols—but the array was so large that Shouta couldn’t fit it all in one photo. He spent several minutes stepping carefully around the sigil, snapping photo after photo, making sure that he had the full picture in his camera roll. 

His phone buzzed. Shouta opened the app for the motion sensors he’d installed around the building so that he could tell when Kakashi and Shikamaru were coming home. Shit. 

Shouta quickly laid the rug back down over the sigils and then slipped back into his apartment, closing the door right as Kakashi rounded the corner. 

Shouta pressed his ear to the door, listening intently, “Maa, this haul should cover groceries for another week, don’t you think, Shika?” 

“Sure. Buy food this time and not your gross books.” 

“Hey! My books are not gross.” 

“I read one of them yesterday.” 

An offended gasp, “Shika no! Those aren’t for such innocent little eyes like yours!” 

“Yeah, I figured that out by page twenty. You really read that stuff?” 

“Of course, how else am I supposed to spend my time? Being a good father?” 

Shouta heard the sound of Kakashi’s apartment door closing and had to release the tense breath he’d been holding in. That conversation had been… concerning. What kind of books was Kakashi reading? 

Something told him he would’ve had a chance to find out had he gotten to look at the man’s bedroom. Another time. 

Shouta looked at the photos he’d taken, swiping through them, zooming in on the symbols, trying to figure them out. He didn’t know what they meant… but he knew someone who might. 

Shouta quickly forwarded the pictures to Tsukauchi and asked for someone to analyze them for him. 

Two days later, Shouta got his response. 

Tsukauchi: 

Analysis teams say that “It’s drawn with the intention of summoning an elite demon from hell to bring misfortune and pain upon one’s enemies, however for it to work, it requires a virgin sacrifice.”

…where did you find that? 

Deleted Scene 8 – Pakkun’s Trip 

“You want me to do what?” Pakkun drawled slowly, looking at Kakashi as if he’d grown an extra head. 

Kakashi gestured to the seal. “Test it for me. I’m gonna put some chakra in it, send you back home, hopefully, and then once you determine if it worked or not, you can un-summon yourself, and then I’ll summon you again to bring you back here.” 

“That cannot possibly work,” Pakkun told him dryly. 

Kakashi sighed, gestured almost frantically at the child trying to play chess with himself on the floor not far away, and then pointed at Pakkun. “Look, if I don’t get Shikamaru back to his parents, Yoshino will undoubtedly raise hell to find me, and when she does, I will never see the light of day again. What will you do then, hm? No one will be there to pet your toe beans. Do you want that?” 

Pakkun scowled at him. “Fine.” 

Kakashi, despite his face remaining blank, looked almost proud of himself. “Great, get in the seal.” 

“If I end up in hell, I’m blaming you.” Pakkun warned him as he stepped towards the center of the seal and sat down, giving Kakashi a look that said ‘if I have to test your stupid seal, then I’m making you do all the work to activate it.’ 

Kakashi nodded and then placed his head down on the seal, activating the ink and causing Pakkun to disappear into a flash of light. 

Pakkun looked around the room he was in. He wasn’t sure where he was exactly, but he knew it wasn’t Konoha. A man with white hair looked down at him, sunglasses obscuring his eyes. 

“Huh?” The man asked, leaning down and lowering his sunglasses to inspect Pakkun. “You’re not supposed to be here. Hey!” The man stood up and turned to face a doorway that led to a different room Pakkun couldn’t see into. “MEGUMI! DID YOU GET A NEW SHIKIGAMI?” 

“NO?” Came the distant reply. “GOJO I SWEAR—“ 

Pakkun decided he didn’t want to deal with this bullshit anymore and unsummoned himself. The seal clearly hadn’t worked. 

Deleted Scene 9 – Yet another anime reference, Demon Slayer Edition

Kakashi, activating his inner Inosuke: USHIBITCH GAMPACHIRO I’M GONNA BRING YOU DOWN *throws plastic knives at him*

Deleted Scene 10 – AITA for baiting you guys into thinking this is a social media fic because of the title when it was, in fact, my beta who named it this? 

Kakashi threw up a peace sign, “Yo!” 

Shouta blinked. “Who are you talking to?” 

“The readers,” Kakashi smiled, changing his peace sign into a joyful wave. “Thanks for reading the deleted scenes, I hope you enjoyed them!” 

“What the fuck?” Shouta muttered, looking around wildly. 

“Bye bye!” Kakashi said, picking up Shikamaru’s wrist and waving it around in lieu of a real wave. Shikamaru looked annoyed as all hell, but he did speak up. 

“Aizawa-san?” 

“What?”

“Thanks for posting about all your issues on Reddit. It was entertaining to read while I sat around all day.” 

Aizawa spluttered, but before he could get a single word out to ask what the fuck the child was talking about, Shikamaru and Kakashi vanished.