Chapter Text
By the end of the first week together in the apartment, Steve was ready to pull his hair out.
Clint was incredibly moody and jealous, refusing to allow Tony any time with Steve. Tony, in return, was becoming more and more timid, remaining in his room more often than not, sitting in the window on a cushioned bench Bucky had bought him when he noticed how long Tony would stand by the window looking out at the world. Dinners were tense at best, Clint happily ignoring Tony, Tony not even attempting to join the conversation.
Tony also wasn’t sleeping. He would wake up crying or just not sleep at all. Most mornings, Steve found him curled up on the chair in front of his window, staring aimlessly out into the world. He was barely eating and though he did the workbooks Steve had bought him, he didn’t show as much enthusiasm as he had before.
“That’s it,” said Bucky after yet another unsuccessful breakfast where Clint stormed off to his room as the end and Tony quietly went to his own room. “Steve, you go talk to Clint. I’m taking Tony out.”
“Out where?” asked Steve, who was finishing with the dishes.
“I don’t know,” said Bucky. “Just out. The kid looks like he’s going to wilt away, so we’ll go to the roof. Meanwhile, you go figure out what’s going on with Clint and how we can help him.”
“Don’t you know what’s going on with him? You’ve been with him nonstop for over six months.”
“Do you know what’s going on with Tony?”
Steve paused. “Good point.”
Bucky nodded and went to Tony’s room to collect his charge while Steve finished up the dishes. Tony was sitting by the window like he usually was.
“Let’s find your shoes,” said Bucky, stepping into the tidy room. “We’re going to the roof.”
“What’s on the roof?” asked Tony, displaying some curiosity for the first time since his arrival.
“Not a lot, actually,” said Bucky. “But it’s big and open and maybe we can plant something up there.”
Bucky held out a small pair of shoes to Tony, who put them on, and they went to the stairwell that brought them to the roof.
Bucky hadn’t been entirely truthful. There were some lawn chairs on the roof for sitting on. Most of their building consisted of elderly people, so they had convinced the manager to let them have the roof to themselves. They had paid extra when they bought the place for it, but now that they had renovated to include private access, it was worth it. Or, it would have been worth it if the pandemic hadn’t hit when it had.
Bucky and Steve had plans to make the roof a great place to spend their evenings. They were going to get some plants, nice chairs, lay down some false grass, and put in some shade to make it pleasant during the summer. They wanted to build it with Clint as a fun family project, but then Howard and Maria had died, Steve had gone to Italy to oversee their affairs, and the world shut down. Now it was just a large grey roof that Bucky had managed to build a deck on for a portion and place some lawn chairs out to sit on.
“I know it’s not great,” said Bucky when Tony just stared around at the area. “But it’s a work in progress. Maybe we can pick out some toys for you to play with up here.”
“Can we have a garden?” asked Tony, turning wide eyes to Bucky, and it was the most alive Bucky had seen the kid ever.
“Sure,” said Bucky, sitting on a lounger and pulling out his phone. “Here, help me pick out what type of garden bed you want.”
Tony scrambled up on the seat next to Bucky and leaned into the man to get a better look at his screen. Bucky had pulled up an entire website for rooftop garden beds and scrolled slowly, letting Tony stop and inspect certain ones before moving on.
“Why do you want a garden, Tony?” asked Bucky when they had purchased two large rectangular raised garden beds and had moved on to buying seeds.
“Gardens grow outside,” said Tony softly. “I wasn’t allowed outside before and if I have a garden that means I have to be allowed outside. I have to help it grow.”
“Oh.”
Bucky’s heart plummeted, hearing the innocent desire to just be allowed outside. He knew things had been bad in Italy. It had been and still was bad in New York, but it must have been terrifying, not even being allowed to go outside, to be stuck in the same apartment the entire time, the news and window as your only limited view to the world.
- One Day at a Time –
Late at night, when Steve and Bucky were asleep, Tony sat in his window, looking out at the city lights, and wishing he was outside. Tony had always been an “outdoor” child, as his mother called him. He was active, loved exploring, and wanted to be in the world. The world was so large and Tony wanted to see all of it before he went to bed.
The door slid open quietly, the dim light from the hall illuminating Tony perched in his window seat. Reluctantly, Tony turned from the window and stared at Clint.
“I’m sorry I was a jerk,” said Clint gruffly, standing just inside the door. “Bucky keeps telling me that no one is having a good pandemic and I need to give others the grace I want them to give me. I’m not good at that.”
Tony continued to look at the older boy as though he were a puzzle.
“I’m sorry I took your dad away from you,” said Tony after a moment. “I didn’t mean to do that.”
“I know,” said Clint, leaning against the doorframe. “I’m sorry I blame you.”
“You still blame me?”
“I’m not sure who I blame,” sighed Clint, moving and sitting on the unused bed. “I know in my head that it’s not your fault, that it’s the pandemic for shutting everything down and making it impossible to get people where they need to be, but you’re the one who is here, the um, the tangible thing, that’s what my therapist said, that I can blame. So yeah, I know in my head that it’s not your fault but in my heart, well, that’s another thing. My therapist says trauma is weird like that.”
Tony nodded. It didn’t really make sense to him, Clint blaming him for Steve being away but at the same time Tony understood, because he sort of blamed himself too. Clint was right, trauma was weird.
“Do you think we can learn to live together?” asked Tony softly, pulling his knees to his chest and looking both smaller and far older than his actual age.
“Yeah,” said Clint quietly. “I think so.”
“Good,” said Tony with a very small smile. “How?”
“We’ll just take it a day at a time,” said Clint with a shrug.