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Janis finds the orderliness of all this ironic.

She’s always been a chaotic person. From the time she was a little girl, her bedroom looked like a tornado had passed through. In school, her papers and pencils were always haphazardly shoved into her backpack. Even her artworks were unorganized; swathes of colors that clashed in a beautiful way.

But here she stands, staring at herself in the bathroom mirror. On the counter, in a neat little row, lie three envelopes. One for her sister, one for her best friend, and one for her mother; all addressed in Janis’ hasty cursive.

Next to them sits a bottle of pills.

Janis spent a long time walking through how she wanted this to go. She waited until her mom left to drop Juliana at an overnight dance camp, so her sister wouldn’t be the one to find her. Damian is at his theatre camp, so he won’t find her either. She still feels guilty about making her mother be the one to do it, but it’s the best way.

Janis meets her own eyes in the mirror.

It’s strange, now, to see herself without all the lip gloss and glittery eyeshadow and rosy blush and pink. God, there used to be so much pink.

But then it happened.

And now, Janis can’t even look at the color pink without having a panic attack. Can’t so much as think about returning to school or her former best friends or the aliens she used to love without bursting into tears.

Janis can’t live. Not like this.

She looks down at the letters. But it feels like one is missing.

Janis supposes that while she’s getting her last words out, she might as well write one to Regina. It’s not like she’ll have another chance to speak her mind, after this.

So Janis returns to her bedroom and sits at her desk again. Pulls another piece of paper out of her notebook, grabs another envelope. Scrawls Regina’s name on the back.

She stares at a blank piece of paper for a very, very long time.

But when the words finally come to her, they don’t stop. Janis scratches down every thought she’s had for the last three months, every cutting jibe and why can’t I just hate you that’s passed through her head. Every why isn’t it getting better. Every this is your fault. Every this isn’t your fault. Everything.

She seals the envelope and returns to her lineup. Adds it to the end. Opens the bottle of pills. Pours herself some water.

If Janis pretends hard enough, she can’t actually taste the pills as they go down. The chemical burn isn’t there.

If she pretends hard enough, she doesn’t regret this.

She starts taking them two at a time. Four. Six.

She can’t see herself in the mirror anymore.

She can’t feel her fingers grabbing more pills.

She can’t feel.

Anything.

She hits the ground.

—————

Across the world, Cady is being nibbled on.

A lion cub is gnawing on one of her fingers, which isn’t helping her focus on her math homework.

“Nala, I can’t play right now,” Cady huffs. “Go play with your sister.”

Nala is relentless, and grabs the laces of her boots in her teeth. She gives a very vigorous tug and a small growl. Cady puts her pencil down and glares at the cub.

“Fine, ten minutes,” she says. “But then I have to get this workbook done.”

Nala happily trots out of the tent and into the savanna. The sun is setting, and Cady pauses to take a deep breath and appreciate the oranges and the pinks and the stars she can already see. Nala doesn’t, and chomps down on her ankle.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming,” Cady giggles. She runs after the cub, dodging zebras and bushes and at least four snakes. And an elephant, but she saw him from a mile away.

Nala’s siblings, Zuri and Mtoto, come trotting up to join them. Cady checks the ground for any more snakes or other dangerous wildlife before she lies down on the ground. The cubs swarm around her, practicing their hunting by gnawing on her ears and chomping on her arm. She has a few scars, but their teeth aren’t sharp enough to really hurt. Yet.

“Watch it, bub,” she warns as Mtoto gets dangerously close to her bum. He gives a particularly ‘fearsome’ growl and moves to get tangled in her hair instead. “Ow, Zuri, not the fingers.”

Cady is usually a bit more observant. But she also doesn’t usually have all three cubs crawling on her at once.

So Cady doesn’t notice their mother.

Mwanamke is crouched in some tall grass close by. She watches the human girl gently playing with her cubs. The human girl has been nice enough so far.

But standing up with one of her cubs, holding him in her arms and teasing him, tickling his belly, is a step too far.

So Mwanamke attacks.

Cady doesn’t see it coming.

Not fast enough.

Not in time to stop it.

She hits the ground.

—————

Janis wakes up.

That’s her first observation, because it was most definitely not in the plan.

The second observation she makes is that something is very, very wrong.

She’s in the hospital. She supposes she should’ve expected that much, but this hospital is somehow different than all the other ones she’s been in.

But the thing that’s really wrong?

Her entire body burns. Like she’s standing in the middle of a fire and merely watching as she fades to ash.

The doctors that swarm to her when she releases a pained cry don’t sound like they’re speaking English. Something about their inflection, or maybe their accents. And yet, Janis understands them perfectly.

“Cady, honey, you need to calm down,” one of them says. “It’s okay, just breathe.”

“Who the hell is Cady?!” Janis shrieks. “Make it stop!”

The doctors look to each other in concern and mumble something about an evaluation for amnesia. Janis thrashes again and they snap back to action, giving her something for the pain through an IV she hadn’t noticed before. The searing pain is numbed ever so slightly, and she relaxes.

The doctors leave then, presumably to go call for that evaluation they had mentioned. Janis takes a second to assess the situation. She holds up her hands.

“What?” she mumbles to herself. Her hands were not this callused when she… fell asleep. And definitely not this small.

The cuts lining her arms aren’t there. Her pale, marred arms have been replaced with warm, tan ones; marked with freckles everywhere instead of scars. Janis looks down further. Her legs are a lot shorter than they used to be. She can see a few more freckles on the small feet poking out the end of her blanket.

“The hell?” she whispers. Warily, she lifts the blanket and adjusts her hospital gown. Oh, dear god.

Thick, gnarled scars cover every inch of her torso like a spiderweb. Bright red, barely held shut by the stitches and staples and bandages and god knows what else. They’re everywhere.

Someone rushes to her side when she releases a frightened whimper. “Binti, darling, you’re finally awake.”

Janis looks to her side and sees a woman she doesn’t recognize stroking her hair. Her red hair. Another new thing.

“W-what happened?” Janis stutters.

“How much do you remember?” A male voice asks from her other side.

“Nothing,” Janis whispers, deciding to lean into the amnesia angle rather than try to explain what’s actually happening here. The couple looks at one another over her, with matching concerned expressions. “I don’t even know who I am.”

“Maybe she hit her head,” the man offers.

“We would’ve noticed that,” the woman tuts, squeezing Janis’ hand. “Something else must have happened.”

“W-who are you?”

“We’re your parents,” the man says. Something about him makes Janis want to trust him. He doesn’t look like he could hurt anyone. “You… you were-“

“Let’s start from the beginning,” the woman interrupts as the man suddenly gets too choked up to carry on with the story. “We’re your parents. Your name is Cady Heron, you’re thirteen years old, and we live in Kenya.”

“Kenya?”

“Mmhmm,” the woman continues. “We’re both zoologists, we’ve been doing research on the wildlife here since you were three. Almost a week ago, you were… there was an incident, with one of the lions.”

“Lions?!” Janis yelps. So… whoever she is now, was attacked by a lion?

“You don’t need to be scared. We don’t know why she attacked you, but we found you just in time,” the woman concludes. “You’re going to be just fine.”

“We flew you here,” the man sniffs. “We’re in Nairobi, now, until you heal enough to come home.”

“And-and when will that be?”

“Once you get your stitches out and we know for sure there’s nothing wrong with your memory.”

“Oh boy.”

-

As it turns out, it’s later that afternoon. Janis has no fewer than four scans taken of… someone’s brain, and takes a lot of tests with various… brain people. The scans all come back perfectly normal with no signs of trauma, but the tests show she has almost total amnesia.

The doctor who discharges her explains to ‘her’ parents that it’s most likely a result of the psychological trauma the incident caused her, and that her memory should return once she’s back in a familiar environment and given time to heal.

Janis is the only one who knows what’s actually going on. She’s never wanted to be in her own body more.

This one is too small.

————-

Something isn’t right when Cady wakes up.

The first thing she notices is the pain. Her throat feels scratched and raw, and her stomach aches like it’s been trampled by one of the rhinos. Probably not a good sign.

She has to work to open her eyes. Another bad sign. When she finally manages it, she sees she’s in a hospital. Yet another bad sign.

Her stomach gives a particularly painful seize and she releases a quiet cry, trying to clutch it with hands that feel like lead.

She hears a faint gasp from next to her, and suddenly someone is crushing her in a hug. “Janjan! You’re awake!”

“Huh?” Cady mumbles. The voice doesn’t sound familiar. And how do you get the nickname Janjan out of Cady?

“You absolute fucking stale cracker of a human being!” the voice yells in her ear.

“What are you talking about?!”

The person hugging her suddenly pulls back. It’s a tall boy with sad, teary blue eyes and a kind face. Cady feels bad that she’s apparently hurt him, even inadvertently.

“What do you mean what am I talking about?! Why the hell did you even think about doing that? Why-why didn’t you call me, I would’ve come home!” He stammers, visibly trying to hold back sobs.

Cady instinctively reaches out a hand to hold one of his. She gasps when she sees the one he grabs. Her fingers are suddenly much longer, and pale, with chipped black nail polish and multicolored paints dried under her fingernails. Her calluses from carrying heavy pots of water and research equipment around the savanna are gone.

She shifts her blanket to look further up her arm, and gasps again. Her forearm is suddenly covered with scars. Some are old; faded and white. Others are red and newer, stitched closed and covered in some kind of antiseptic solution.

“What’s the matter?” The boy sniffles.

“Um… nothing,” Cady stutters. The boy merely raises an eyebrow. “Uh… who are you?”

“Very funny,” he scoffs. “You know damn well. Why aren’t you- ohhhhh shit.”

“Wait!” Cady calls as he leaves to go fetch a doctor. “Please. It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it?”

“Okay, you seem… nice enough. I know this sounds crazy, but I’m not your girlfriend.”

The boy laughs out loud at that. “Damn fucking right you’re not.”

“I’m not whoever this body belongs to!” Cady yells. “Something is wrong, I’m not-I’m not supposed to be here.”

“What?” The boy whispers. “What do you mean you’re not Janis?”

“I’ve never met anyone named Janis in my life,” Cady says pleadingly. “I know it doesn’t make sense. I’ll prove it to you! Your… whoever, doesn’t sound like someone who would lie to you. Ask me things I should know and I’ll answer them honestly.”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Yellow.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirteen.”

“That’s right, at least,” the boy mutters. “Um… what’s my name?”

“Mmm… you look like a Charles.”

“Ew!” he huffs. “Okay, who… who are you?”

“You believe me?” Cady asks sheepishly.

“Janis would never stoop so low,” the boy pouts. “Charles. Gross.”

“I’m sorry!” Cady says anxiously. “It was just a random guess, you don’t… you don’t actually look like a Charles.”

“You’re on thin ice,” the boy warns. “But really, who are you?”

“My name is Cady Heron,” she responds. “I’m from Kenya, and I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Okay, and how is Cady spelled?”

“Why does that matter? Your friend is in the hospital and I’m inhabiting her body.”

“I need to know you’re not gonna kill me before I agree to help you figure it out,” the boy says like it’s obvious.

“And the way my name is spelled will tell you that?” Cady asks in confusion. The boy nods. “Um… okay. C A D Y.”

“Good lord.”

“Is that bad?”

“That is the least correct spelling I’ve ever heard,” the boy insists immediately. “But I need the real Janis back. So I’ll help you.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Cady says in relief. The boy holds up his hands.

“Whoa, calm down. I just want Janis back. And I’m only thirteen, I don’t know what happened here either. But I’ll try,” he says. “To start with, I’m Damian.”

He extends a hand for Cady to shake. She accepts with a giggle.

“God, this is weird,” he mumbles under his breath. “Sorry. You’re just… very different. Anyhoo. What’s the last thing you remember from being in your own body?”

“Um… I was doing some calculus,” Cady recalls, the memories suddenly hitting her like a tidal wave. “And-“

“Calculus?!” Damian insists. “We’re thirteen!”

“I like math,” Cady says sheepishly. “I’m not even very good at calculus yet.”

“God save us all,” Damian whispers. “Continue.”

“Uh… Nala wanted to play, but I was trying to finish my workbook, so I said no. But she was being so cute, I had to give in,” Cady continues.

“Who’s Nala?”

“One of the lion cubs,” Cady explains. “They’re almost two months old, they’re so sweet.”

“A lion?! Wanted to play with you?!” Damian screeches. “Man, when you said you were from Kenya, I didn’t think you meant, like, the actual wilderness!”

“It’s all I’ve ever known,” Cady shrugs sheepishly. “I was only three when we moved there.”

“Okay, continue, I’ll stop interrupting,” Damian apologizes. “But I will need to hear your life story as soon as possible.”

“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know,” Cady giggles. “Okay, um… Nala and her siblings were climbing on me, they like to practice hunting me. I picked up Mtoto, to tickle his belly. And…”

“What?” Damian asks in concern. Cady pales, and the monitors show her heart rate picking up. “What happened?”

“Their-their mom,” Cady whispers in horror. “They’re very protective, she must’ve-must’ve been there, I-I-“

“Did she attack you?” Damian asks gently.

“It’s the only thing it could be,” Cady says, trying to keep the shake from her voice. “That’s why I’m here, I-I… I died.”

“But you could survive that, right?!” Damian asks frantically. “You could’ve been resuscitated?”

“I don’t know,” Cady says. “It… it would depend what she did, if she hit any major arteries, or-or organs, then… it’s not great odds, but… if I got lucky, then-then I could’ve. I hope.”

“Okay,” Damian says, giving a heavy exhale. “We’re gonna stick with that hope. For now.”

“Okay,” Cady agrees. “Um… can I ask… why your friend is here?”

Damian inhales sharply and looks away for a second. When he looks back, his eyes are red and brimmed with tears. “She… she tried to kill herself. She overdosed on a prescription she found.”

“Oh god,” Cady whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

“She never told any of us how bad it was,” Damian mumbles. “She went through some stuff a while ago, I knew-I knew it was bad. I just never thought she would’ve… tried… that.”

Cady feels her heart break for someone she’s never met. She can’t imagine being in so much pain, hurting so badly, that ending it all seems like the only way out. She may not be able to hug the real Janis, but she gives herself a gentle squeeze and hopes the message gets across. Maybe it will someday.

Janis’ mother suddenly comes barreling into the room and continues the hugging for her. Cady feels a bit odd being hugged and cuddled by a total stranger, but lets it happen. The woman seems to need this right now. “Oh, baby girl, thank god you’re finally awake. I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, I came as soon as I could.”

“It’s okay,” Cady says weakly, trying to keep things vague until she can assess what kind of relationship this ‘Janis’ has with her mother. “When can… um… when can I go home?”

“I’ll go check with a doctor,” she offers. “Damian, thank you for being here for her.”

“Of course, Ms. Sarkisian,” Damian replies, blushing slightly as she lovingly pinches his cheek.

————-

Janis looks around warily as she’s helped into the tent this ‘Cady’ apparently lives in. The stitches might be out now, but the gashes still hurt like a bitch. Janis carefully assesses for any dangerous things around, hoping to avoid another trip to the hospital any time soon. Luckily, nothing, but you can never be too careful. Especially in Kenya.

“Alright, binti, you just… stay here and relax. Look around if you want, maybe something around here will jog your memory,” the mother says. Janis nods warily. She gets a kiss on the cheek and a squeezed hand before she’s left alone with Cady’s dad.

“You take it easy for the day, okay?” he says, pointing in an attempt to seem more authoritative. “And… I know it’s… hard, to be back here. Especially with your memory the way it is. I know you don’t know us, but you can still trust us with anything. We love you.”

“I love you too, Dad,” Janis echoes. It’s the first time she’s gotten to say those words and almost mean them in nine years. He gives her a sad smile and ruffles her hair, and turns to leave. “Wait!”

“Hm?” the man freezes just before he can make it out and turns back to face her.

“Can I… ask you some stuff? About, um… about me?” Janis asks sheepishly.

“Of course,” he chuckles. Janis carefully picks a cot that looks comfy enough and tries to sit down. Cady’s dad helpfully holds her arms to help steady her before he sits down on a stool nearby. “What do you want to know?”

“I dunno,” Janis realizes. “I don’t have many specific, uh… questions, yet. Can you just kinda tell me what I’m like?”

“Brilliant,” Cady’s dad begins. “Your mother and I are amazed by your brains. We haven’t told you this, obviously. You’ve got enough ego. But you’re so smart. You school us both in math, and you’re about on par with us in science already. These books are all yours.”

He points to some absolutely massive calculus and biology textbooks that look to be at least undergrad level. “Whoa.”

“Right?” the man chuckles. “And you have the best heart, binti. It’s gotten you in some trouble before, but you’re so loving, and trusting. You understand all the animals here in a way none of us can. You’re the first one we come to when something is wrong with one of them. You always know just what to do to help.”

“Really?” Janis asks shyly. “She’s- I’m… I’m that good with them?”

“Better than you think,” he nods. “I just wish you got along with people that easily. But you never complain about it. I try… I try to get you to hang out with me sometimes, just so you have some human company. I bet you actually think I’m totally annoying. I just worry about you, sometimes. Your mom thinks I’m being overprotective.”

Janis sneaks a quick glance down at the mess of scars still poking out from her shorts. Maybe overprotective is something the real Cady needs more of. “You sound great, Dad. I just wish I could remember.”

“You will,” the man says. “Someday. Someday soon. Hopefully now you’re back home it’ll come back to you nice and quick.”

“I hope so,” Janis sighs. She has no idea if she’ll ever be in her own body again. She might be stuck here forever, and god knows what happened to the real Cady.

Cady clearly has a family that loves her very much. Janis owes it to all of them to get her back in her proper body.

“You get some rest,” Cady’s dad says, seeming to notice her suddenly getting lost in thought. “This is all gonna work out. One way or another. And we love you no matter what. If you have more questions we can talk when you’ve gotten settled in, okay?”

“Okay,” Janis says, nodding thankfully. The man nods back and leaves her alone after giving her a quick peck on the forehead. She listens until she can’t hear his footsteps on the powdery Kenyan earth anymore, before nodding and pulling herself to stand. “Time to snoop.”

She pokes around on the shelves. Nothing but textbooks. The only information she finds in them are the notes scrawled on post-its and stuck in the margins. Man, Cady really is a genius.

There’s a small chest of personal belongings at the foot of the cot, so Janis eases herself back onto it to peek through. A ratty stuffed lion, clearly a childhood comfort object and very well loved. A small jug that looks like it’s designed to hold water and painted by hand. And, the most horrific handmade doll Janis has ever seen in her life. Moving on.

She sits back, trying to forget the terrors she’s just seen on the ground. There’s a lump in between the cot and the blow up cushion she’s lying on.

When she removes it to see what it is, she finds herself holding a book. Upon closer inspection, it seems to be a diary. Janis hesitates. This is clearly something personal to Cady. But she has to learn whatever she possibly can about this girl. So, she flips to the first entry.

February 11, 2014: Dear diary,

I’m thirteen today! And you were my present this year. Dad says it’ll help me to have somewhere I can get all my thoughts out. Mom says I have too many.

Janis chuckles and skims through some more of the pages.

April 10, 2014: Dear diary,

I hate school. Mom and dad keep telling me to go. They just think the work is too easy for me and I don’t want to go because I’m bored. I am bored, but that’s not why I want to quit.

There’s so many other kids in the village, ones my age, but none of them talk to me. Directly, anyway. They don’t know I speak Swahili really well. But I hear the things they say about me. The way I dress, the way I talk, how I make noises or move sometimes when I can’t help it. I tried to make friends like mom and dad said to. But Kenyan people are fast runners.

So Cady’s been bullied too. Janis feels her heart break slightly for this girl. She skips ahead to the last entry.

August 16, 2014: Dear diary,

Things have been better already this year. I love homeschool. I get to work on stuff that’s actually hard, and do cool stuff with math. Calculus is still a little too hard for me, but mom says I have all the right basic knowledge to start working on it more. I don’t see the kids in the village anymore, but I have the lions. Zuri, Nala and Mtoto are the best friends I could have.

I just wish I didn’t still feel so alone.

Janis gently brushes her fingers over the page. Something about Cady’s stories speaks to her. The two of them are more similar than Janis had originally thought. Maybe there’s more to this than she’s thinking.

Janis carefully tucks the diary back where she found it and gently pushes herself back to her feet. She stumbles a bit, since her legs haven’t been used for six days straight, but quickly manages to regain her balance. Warily, she makes her way to the entrance of the tent once more, and heads out into the savanna.

God, I wish I had my paints, she thinks to herself as she sees the clear afternoon sky meet the orange landscape surrounding her. Maybe I can talk Mama into an African vacation someday.

She sees a couple of zebras grazing together in a bunch. She’s always liked zebras. As she makes her way over, she sees they’re actually surrounding some sort of watering hole. Janis might as well join them, she figures.

She makes her way to the edge of the shallow water and crouches down to her knees. She jumps when she sees a face that isn’t hers looking back at her. That’ll take some getting used to.

But, the face reflected in the pond is almost… cute. A mane of auburn curly hair surrounds rosy, freckled full cheeks; framing wide, curious crystal blue eyes. Definitely Janis’ type, but not necessarily her personal style.

Janis doesn’t know how to handle this. If she tells Cady’s parents the truth, it’ll be right back to that hospital for more evaluations. One helicopter trip was jarring enough, thank you very much. She’ll have to figure this out on her own.

Something tells her it would be much easier if she could have the real Cady there guiding her. Kenya, although beautiful, is terrifying. Like a certain someone Janis… knew.

She has no idea how to navigate this new landscape, no idea if she’ll ever see her own home, her own body, ever again. She has no idea how she even wound up in this one in the first place, let alone how to get back to her own.

She looks over her shoulder at Cady’s parents. They’re discussing something, presumably work or how to continue supporting her as she recovers from her injuries. Her dad gives a dorky wave, which Janis weakly returns.

She yelps quietly when a cold nose nudges against her shoulder. She screams louder and falls backwards when an elephant is standing no more than three feet away.

Janis isn’t totally sure how to handle this, and just extends a hand for it to sniff. It does so trustingly, even going so far as to wrap its trunk around her arm and ever so gently pull her back upright, but it seems to know that something is… different.

“You miss her, huh?” Janis murmurs so that only the two of them can hear. “I hear she’s pretty good to you guys. I’ll… I’ll get her back. Promise.”

But how?

—————

Cady gets discharged from the hospital later that afternoon and taken ‘home’. Damian said he had something to do, which means Cady is left totally alone with Janis’ mother.

“Julie’s been staying with a friend,” the woman says quietly on the drive there. Cady barely hears her, enthralled with the smoothness of the road beneath them and the American landscape flashing by out the window. She snaps back to reality when Janis’ mother continues talking. “I know you’ve been worried about her. She’s not very happy with you, though.”

Cady doesn’t think now is a good time to bring up that she has no idea who this ‘Julie’ character is. So she does her best to play along. “But she’s okay?”

“As okay as we all can be,” ‘her’ mother sighs. “And I’m doing just fine too, now that I know my baby girl is back. I don’t want you stressing about me, especially not now. You just focus on getting better. We’re gonna get you some more help and support once you’re adjusted again, however long that takes you.”

“I’ll try,” Cady agrees as they pull into the driveway.

“Room’s where you left it,” the woman says. “I’ll give you a bit to get settled back in. Call me if you need anything.”

Cady looks at her for a long moment before she throws her arms around her. Her own mom always loves hugs. And Janis’ mom looks like she could really use one.

Cady was right, she feels ‘her’ mother squeeze her back so, so tightly and bury her face in her hair. She thinks she feels a few tears, but decides not to bring it up. “I love you, baby girl.”

“I love you too,” Cady echoes, even though she doesn’t even know this woman’s name. “I’m gonna… go…”

“Go relax,” the woman says, shooing her up the stairs. Cady slowly works her way up, trying to go easy on this new body she’s found herself in. She managed to work out that she had been in the hospital for a whole week, unconscious, and that the ache in her throat and stomach was from the stomach pump she’d had.

There’s a lot of doors when she finally reaches the top. Cady, of course, has no idea which one is correct.

The first door she tries turns out to be a bathroom. The medicine cabinet is left slightly open, allowing Cady to see that it’s totally empty.

She backs out of that room and turns around. She looks down at the clothes she had been given to change into once she got discharged from the hospital. Fishnet tights that had taken her ten minutes just to put on, dark shorts, clunky boots, and an absolutely massive black sweatshirt with a cartoon alien.

After a quick assessment, she decides the door with a large biohazard sign and lots of doodles on it is the safest bet.

Cady feels almost like she’s trespassing in Janis’ room. She supposes she’s technically trespassing in the body she’s found herself in.

Janis’ room is, unsurprisingly, very loud. What is surprising is that the walls are pink. Sort of.

Cady can see that they were pink originally, a happy sort of bubblegum princessy shade. But almost every inch has been pasted over or scratched out or written over. Cady warily steps closer, observing the rough, harsh lines. She tries to piece together what they say.

Space dyke.

It’s like a scene from a horror movie, just those words written over and over and over and over again. Cady isn’t sure what it means, but it clearly can’t be good.

The bed is neatly made, with black bedsheets and rainbow pillows. It clashes a bit with the rest of the room, but it seems much closer to the real Janis’ taste.

Warily, Cady takes a seat on the bed. She hasn’t slept on a real bed since she was three years old. Immediately, she flops backwards and stares at the ceiling, relishing in the plush mattress against her back.

How many times has the real Janis done exactly this? Lied in this exact position, stared at this exact spot on the ceiling?

Cady doesn’t have a spectacular amount of time to think about it as Damian comes quite literally crashing into the room. He kicks the door open in a dramatic fashion and stumbles over to dump a massive pile of library books at the foot of the bed. He straightens and looks at Cady as he pants to catch his breath.

“Hey, how’s it-how’s it goin’?”

“Hi,” Cady giggles. “What are these?”

“Books,” Damian says, like that wasn’t abundantly clear. “For our research.”

“They’re all fiction,” Cady says confusedly as she starts rooting through the pile.

“You honestly think any information about a soul being in the wrong body is gonna be in a nonfiction book?”

Cady considers this. “I guess that’s a fair point.”

“Thanks,” Damian says. “These are all the books the library had about people who swapped bodies. I say we go through them and see if any of them sound like what happened to you and Janis.”

“That sounds good,” Cady nods. “Um…”

“Hm?” Damian hums, looking up at her. He’s still not used to not seeing Janis when he looks at her.

“Can we do something first?”

“Like what?”

Cady looks meaningfully at the walls. “She deserves something nicer to come home to.”

Damian looks around as well, sighing heavily before nodding. “She does. I haven’t even been in here in so long. I had no idea she had done this.”

“We’re gonna get her back to you,” Cady says, quiet but bold. She takes and squeezes his hand, seeming to know what’s running through his mind. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I can tell just from how you talk about her, how you look at ‘me’, that she’s special to you. I don’t… I don’t even know what this stuff on the walls means, and I don’t need to, but… you deserve to be together. You really need each other.”

Damian looks at her with tears in his eyes. Cady reaches for a hug, and Damian leans to sob into her shoulder. “I miss her.”

“I know,” Cady hushes quietly, gently rocking him back and forth. Damian stays there for a long time, crying quietly into her shoulder. “We’ll get her back. I promise.”

Damian sniffles and nods, shutting his eyes and pretending this hug is from the real Janis. “Thanks, Cady.”

“Anytime,” Cady says gently, ruffling his curly hair. “How do we cover this?”

“She likes purple,” Damian offers. Cady looks around, considering what an all purple room would look like. A bit much.

“What about white?” she asks quietly. “She paints, right? We could give her a canvas to work on. Let her do what she wants with that.”

Damian looks at her with something akin to awe. “Y’know, you know Janis, like, really well given the fact you’ve never met her.”

“I feel like I know her,” Cady murmurs. “For some reason. But I can’t, we haven’t even been on the same continent for most of our lives.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Damian says, standing and reaching to help her up. “Let’s go get some paint.”

—-

Cady is immediately leveled walking into Home Depot for the first time. It’s huge, and everything is orange. Damian helpfully picks her up and plops her in the cart so they can get a move on. Cady continues staring at the ceiling as they head to pick a paint color.

“Here, get started on the books,” he offers, handing over one he’d brought with them. Cady takes it and starts skimming through the pages.

“This doesn’t sound right,” she says after a while. Damian looks up from his paint swatches. “Nothing caused this one, they just woke up in the wrong bodies one day. Whatever happened with me and Janis has to be related to… you know.”

“Well, that’s one option out,” Damian sighs. “Let’s get this paint and we’ll check the others.”

Cady nods and settles in as he pushes her to the paint mixing counter.

—-

“You know,” Damian pants as he pauses his very hard job of painting. “When you asked to paint the walls, I was assuming you were going to actually help.”

Cady glances up at him from the plastic-covered bed she’s lying on, marking her place in the latest book with her finger. “Would you rather have help or have answers about Janis?”

Damian pouts at her. Cady giggles as he wipes some sweat from his forehead and accidentally replaces it with the paint.

“Wait,” she says as soon as her eyes hit the page again. “Come here, this might be it.”

“What?” Damian asks, unzipping his smock suit and coming to sit next to her. Cady reads aloud.

“Soulmates, as the name implies, are destined to be together. It has long been believed that true soulmates are actually spawned from the same spirit, and the souls spend their mortal lives desperately trying to reconnect. In a similar vein, this can cause some degree of confusion in the higher powers of the universe. Because the souls are, for all intents and purposes, the same, if the mortal vessels are killed, the souls may be confused for one another and switched.”

It’s quiet for a long moment as both Cady and Damian try to process what they’ve just read. Damian is the first to try to put the pieces together. “So… you and Janis are soulmates. And when you… d-died, the universe got confused and put your souls back in the wrong bodies?”

“That has to be it,” Cady says. “Something like that. It’s the only one that makes sense.”

“So then how do we get you back in the right body?” Damian asks. Cady flips ahead a few pages.

“But alas, no mistake of the universe can exist too long unnoticed. And no mistake noticed can go unresolved. So fear not, dear reader, for all will be well soon.”

“God damn it,” Damian sighs. “Oh, um… no offense.”

“None taken,” Cady hums, marking the spot in the book and putting it aside. “I miss my people too. I want to go back just as much as I want to get Janis back to you.”

“Tell me about it,” Damian says. Cady looks at him. “No, seriously. You said you’d tell me your life story. No time like the present.”

Cady gets a wide smile on her face, and she does. She talks about her family, both human and not, and her favorite subjects in homeschool and her chores in Kenya. Damian listens intently, even as Cady starts slowing down and their eyes start fluttering. Before they know it, they’ve drifted off, side by side and hand in hand.

—————

Janis wakes up with a gasp.

Something feels different. A good different.

She opens her eyes and looks around. She’s… back in her own bedroom. Things are different, but she’s home. These are her bedsheets, her walls, her things.

Almost not daring to believe it, Janis holds up her hands. She’s never been so happy to see the gross old paint under her nails or the scars on her arms. She’s back.

She rips off her covers and makes a beeline for her desk. The envelopes containing her letters sit there in a pile, unopened and unread. Janis snatches them all at once and tears them to tiny shreds. She has more to say, now. Those letters no longer contain her final words.

Janis sighs in relief and barrels down the stairs to where her mother is making breakfast. Her mom gasps when she runs in for the tightest hug she can possibly muster and bursts into tears.

“Mama, I’m so sorry,” she sobs. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Shh, baby girl,” her mother hushes, holding the back of her head and rocking her in that soothing familiar way. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I didn’t mean it, I don’t wanna die,” Janis continues, bearing her soul to her mother. Her own soul, finally back where it belongs. “I’m sorry!”

“Shhh,” her mother hushes again, pulling her somehow closer. “It’s all gonna be okay now. We’re gonna figure it out. Try to make the hurt a little smaller. Now where is all this coming from?”

“I just missed you,” Janis mumbles sheepishly. She feels her mother chuckle slightly.

“Well, alright,” she whispers, kissing her hairline.

“Where’s Julie?” Janis sniffles.

“I’m picking her up at noon, remember?” her mother hums, pulling away slightly and tutting at Janis’ tear stained face.

“O-oh yeah,” Janis lies.

“In the meantime, you want your usual?”

Janis wipes her eyes and nods, giving her first genuine smile in months. “Yes please.”

“Coming right up,” her mother says with a wink. “We’re gonna be okay.” Janis nods.

We’re gonna be okay.

—————

Cady wakes up with a gasp. She doesn’t feel the cushy mattress against her back anymore.

She sits bolt upright and looks around. The light of the rising sun is just barely peeking in through the flap of the tent. She’s back in her cot, all her books are there, and the air smells fresh. Home.

Her parents are already outside and getting on with their days. Cady runs out to find them. “Mom! Dad! I’m back!”

Her father catches her as she pitches herself into his arms. “Hey there, lion cub. What’s shaking?”

“I’m back!” Cady yells again. Her dad raises his eyebrows.

“Your memories?” he asks. “They came back?”

“Sure!” Cady agrees. Her dad chuckles as she throws her arms around his neck.

“Good to have you back, binti,” her mother agrees fondly, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

“You have no idea,” Cady whispers.

—————

three years later

“Another year of hell,” Damian sighs, standing outside the looming doors of North Shore High and staring down the barrel of another school year.

“May it be a painless death,” Janis nods in agreement.

“Ready?”

Janis sighs and nods again, taking his hand as they push the doors open together. The hallways are already bustling with students; panicked freshmen trying to find their homerooms and the seniors lounging against the lockers, probably already stoned.

“Who’s that?” Janis asks, pointing to a small redhead as she comes bouncing out of Ms. Norbury’s classroom.

“I dunno,” Damian shrugs. “Mr. Duvall said we were getting a new student this year, I’m supposed to show her around. Maybe that’s her.”

“She looks familiar,” Janis mutters absently.

“Do you know a Caddy Heron from Kansas?” Damian asks, almost aghast. Janis shakes her head. “Good.”

“Must’ve been the lighting,” Janis shrugs. “C’mon, doofus, we have to get to math.”

“Yes, dear.”

—-

Janis just sits down at the lunch table she usually shares with Damian when she spies that red hair again. This time, the bounce is gone, as her shoulders are hunched and she rushes in the direction of the restrooms.

Damian looks at her knowingly. “Yes, we can go after her.”

“Thank youuuuu,” Janis singsongs.

“Always knew you had a thing for redheads. Ow!“

“Shut the fuck up,” Janis hisses as she kicks the door open. She peeks under all the stalls until she finds the only occupied one, with tiny feet clad in socks and sandals barely touching the floor.

Damian takes over at this point, knocking on the door and loudly calling, “You’ve been in there a very long time, you’re either doing drugs or very constipated from using drugs!”

Janis glares at him before she nearly gets a door to the face. The girl comes flying out, spluttering defenses against Damian’s baseless accusations. She turns to see Janis as well, and they both freeze.

Janis does know that face. She had that face.

“Cady?” she asks, barely above a whisper.

“It’s you,” Cady replies in the same tone, unable to pull herself away from Janis’ eyes. “Janis.”

“Am I missing something, or…” Damian asks, visibly confused.

Cady turns around and pokes out a hand for him to shake. “I’m Cady Heron. I’m from Kenya.”

Damian pulls an almost cartoonish face, eyes bugging out of his head and his mouth dropping open. “No fucking way! Oh my god, you’re so cute when you’re in your own body!”

“Thanks?” Cady replies, tipping her head in confusion. Damian uses her still outstretched hand to pull her into a tight hug. Cady squeaks in surprise, but quickly returns it.

“Oh, yeah, this works,” Damian says, resting his head on top of Cady’s fluffy red curls. “Mmkay, I need to go have several existential crises, so I’ll find you guys later. Byeeee.”

“Bye, Dame,” Janis chuckles. Cady giggles and waves. There’s a noticeable shift in her energy when she turns around.

“We should probably talk,” she says anxiously.

“Yeah,” Janis agrees softly. “Yeah, we probably should.”

Cady hesitates for a moment before extending a hand. Janis takes it and squeezes it with a thankful smile.

“Come on, this way.”

-

“Whoa,” Cady says when she sees where Janis has led her. A beautiful stream in the middle of a small section of forest, surrounded by tall trees and short cliffs. Janis heads for a bridge over the water before she stops.

“I come here when I need to get away from stuff,” Janis says, sitting down in the middle of the bridge and popping her legs through the railing to peer down over the waterfall beneath them. “So. It’s you.”

“It’s me,” Cady agrees. She sits down next to Janis, but doesn’t let go of her hand. Janis doesn’t complain. “It’s… nice to meet you. As me. Well, me not in you. Wait-“

“Cady,” Janis chuckles. “It’s okay. It’s nice to meet you too.”

It’s quiet for a long moment, both of them sitting in peaceful, yet conflicted silence. What do you talk about after you’ve lived in each other’s bodies?

“Did you ever find out what happened to us?” Janis asks softly. Cady looks at her again.

“I think so. Damian tried to help me. We read a lot of books he found,” she recalls almost fondly. “Did you?”

Janis shakes her head. “I was kind of busy hiding from the lions.”

Cady laughs, sweet and clear, and peeks down at her shirt. Her scars are healed and fading now, but they’ll always be there. A grim reminder of a harrowing event, and yet, the scars are one of Cady’s favorite parts of herself. They brought her Janis.

“They don’t usually do that. Attack people,” she explains.

“I didn’t want to risk it,” Janis chuckles back. “What did you and Damian find out?”

“Nothing concrete,” Cady begins with a sigh. “Obviously. I don’t think we’ll ever really know. But I think we got close.” Janis looks at her expectantly. “Um… we, um…”

“Died?” Janis offers bluntly. Cady nods.

“Yeah. We… did that, at exactly the same time. You… you know. And Mwanamke attacked me at the same time,” she explains. “So, if you believe that sort of thing, our souls were… loose. And then when we were brought back, something in the universe got confused, and switched us.”

“So… we’re like… soulmates?” Janis clarifies. “They just put our souls back in the wrong body?”

“I think so,” Cady nods sheepishly. “It’s the best explanation I could find. And then we were switched back whenever they realized the mistake.”

Janis hums thoughtfully. “I’m not sure what I was expecting.”

“But it wasn’t that,” Cady agrees with a sardonic chuckle. Janis leans back and lies down, feeling the soft, worn wood against her back. Cady follows and turns her head to see her new… friend? Something more?

“Definitely wasn’t that,” Janis says. “You don’t seem upset.”

“Why would I be upset?”

“You’re really cool with me as a soulmate?” Janis laughs, looking into Cady’s clear blue eyes. She likes them a lot better from the outside.

“Yeah,” Cady agrees softly. “I didn’t get to know you that well before we got switched back, but I know you’re strong, and brave, and a good friend, and a great daughter and sister. And I know you’re talented and smart and unique. I think you’re a great soulmate.”

Janis is now doing her absolute best tomato impression and refusing to meet Cady’s eyes. She gives a very flustered, “Oh.”

“Are you upset with me as a soulmate?” Cady asks in worry. She hasn’t expected that reaction.

“No! No, of course not,” Janis says hastily. “I just, um. Wasn’t expecting all that.”

“I understand,” Cady chuckles. “And… even though we’re technically, maybe, kinda, soulmates… nothing says we have to act on it. Yet, or ever. If either of us aren’t comfy with it. I’d be happy to have you as just a friend too.”

Janis nods gently, and it’s quiet for a long moment. Both of them listen to the croaking of the frogs in the stream beneath them and the rushing of the water over the rocks.

“What if we’re both comfy with it?” Janis asks, finally looking back up into Cady’s eyes. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” Cady whispers, entranced by Janis’ deep brown eyes. It’s nice to see them so peaceful. They seemed much more haunted last time she got to look close. They have a nice shine, now that Janis is back in her own form. “Yeah, I am.”

“Cool,” Janis whispers back. “Me too.”

Cady’s expecting it, but still feels her heart stutter as Janis rests a soft, cold hand on her cheek and gently brushes an auburn curl behind her ear. Cady inches closer, until their noses are practically touching. It feels like she couldn’t possibly be close enough, like Janis’ heart is a magnet pulling hers ever closer and refusing to let go.

Cady’s not complaining. “Can I-“

“Kiss me,” Janis demands, barely a puff of breath. Cady is close enough that even that mere whisper roars in her ears. She leans into the hand still resting against her jaw and gently presses her lips against Janis’.

It’s not like it is in the stories. There’s no spark, no fireworks, no burning heat in her chest or impossible desire to take it further.

Instead, it feels like home. Like the warm embrace of a familiar place after a long journey. Rather than her heart bursting to try to get out of her chest, she feels it settle, like it’s finally found somewhere it wants to stay.

Like the waterfalls beneath them, she feels a rushing sense of peace. Of home. She’s thousands of miles away from the only place she’s ever called home, and yet, she knows this is where she’s meant to be. Right here, on an old bridge, in the woods, in the arms and in the heart of the brunette next to her.

Janis gasps quietly when they have to break for breath, and Cady knows she’s felt all the same things. They make eye contact for a split second and lean back in.

“What are you so smiley about?” Janis asks in between sweet pecks.

“I dunno,” Cady whispers back. She covers Janis’ hand with one of her own, implicitly demanding they keep that contact. “This just feels right.”

She feels Janis’ face mirror hers, feels her lips split into a wide grin. “Me too. I guess we really do belong together.”

“I’m not complaining,” Cady offers breathlessly. Janis chuckles and kisses her again, slow and sweet.

“I’m not either.”

“Good,” Cady nods. “We should probably get back to school.”

“Fuck it,” Janis mumbles, rolling over to pin Cady against the bridge. “School can wait. Let’s just stay here.”

“And forget the world,” Cady finishes, pulling Janis down to her.

Except you’re mine. And I could never forget you.