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Chapter Text

Jin Guangyao could barely breathe. 

The pain of his severed arm bit with jagged teeth. He could barely think past the piercing ache. 

Yet worse than that was the bruising grip of the cold arms around him. The arms of one who he had once trusted, who had once trusted him. The one he had so carefully destroyed. 

Those arms nearly crushed his lungs with the strength of their grip. They pulled him down, down into the darkness. 

Fear was his constant companion throughout his life and it was with him now. The helplessness, though…

He hadn’t felt helplessness since he stared at the sneering face of his father from the bottom of the stairs at Koi Tower, the naive dream of a loving father utterly torn to shreds. He had plotted and planned and done everything in his power to ensure he never had to feel that helplessness again. 

Yet, here it was again.

And he no longer had the strength or the will to struggle any longer. 

The only thing stronger than the helplessness was the aching regret. As his vision began to darken, his gaze held onto the pair of anguished amber eyes that stared at him. 

Lan Xichen…Er-ge…

There were very few people Jin Guangyao had never wanted to hurt. He could count the list on one hand. Yet, one by one, they had become collateral damage, until there was only one left.

The one last person that he wanted to keep away from the rotten core of himself. The only person whose good opinion of himself he had tried to hard to keep. The only person who couldn’t know the truth.

But now he knew.

Jin Guangyao had destroyed the trust Lan Xichen had so loyally given him. He couldn’t forget the look of betrayal, of regret, of pain that the Lan Sect leader had gazed at him with as he learned the truth.

Perhaps it was for the best that he had reached the end of his days. He didn’t know how he could live on with that expression haunting him. 

Yet, even now, as he was pulled to his death, Lan Xichen screamed for him, calling his name with agony in his voice and grief in his eyes. 

Amongst the maelstrom of emotion within him, Jin Guangyao felt the smallest drop of vicious joy. 

Someone would grieve for him. 

The world would scorn his name, but the one who mattered the most would mourn him. 

In his last moments, even as his vision faded, he strained to keep his eyes open, to look into the eyes of the one he had loved most in the final moments of his misfortune-laden life. 

I’m sorry.

Then, Jin Guangyao died. 

{***}

Meng Yao woke, head pounding, body aching, crushed by a lifetime’s worth of grief and regret. 

At first, he remained limp, too overcome with pain to move.

Then, a vague confusion rose. 

Wasn’t he dead? Shouldn’t he be sealed in a coffin with a dismembered corpse? Why could he feel sunshine on his skin, then? And hear cheerful voices?

Slowly, he forced his eyes open. His vision was blurry at first. The first thing he registered was the sunlight spilling in through the window. Then, as he slowly took in his surroundings, cold dread slithered down his spine. 

This place was familiar. Not just in a passing sense. He knew this place. Over the years, he had forgotten the details but, now that he saw them again, he knew them once more. 

He was in the room he shared with his mother in the brothel where he had spent the first fifteen years of his life. 

But that couldn’t be. 

This place was destroyed. He had made sure of that. 

Was this some divine punishment, forcing him to return to the site of his earliest humiliations? Would he blink and wake up at the bottom of the steps at Koi Tower next time, doomed to return to the places that had brought him the most misery?

But…it was too peaceful for that. There was no one screaming at him, telling him to stop putting on airs when he would end up on his back like the rest of them. No angry, faceless man railing at him for standing in front of his mother. There were no whispers that plagued him, insulting his mother and denigrating him in one breath. 

He slowly sat up, wincing at the lingering ache in his body. As he did, he felt something…off about his movements. When he looked down at himself, he realized why. 

He was no longer his adult self. Rather, he seemed to be a child again, limbs short and scrawny from the frequent bouts of malnutrition he had endured in his childhood.

He frowned, unable to comprehend what he was seeing. Then, realization slowly sunk into him. 

He wasn’t just back at the brothel. 

He was back in time. 

His breathing sped up with the sudden understanding. 

Why?! 

He clutched at his hair, slowly curling forward as horror, dread, and helpless fury raged within him.

I can’t do this again! Please, I can’t do it again!

Would he have to endure every humiliation again? See the sneering contempt of his own father, hear the constant whispers that followed behind his back, spend another life futilely trying to gain what he would never be able to have?

Hadn’t he experienced enough tragedy, endured enough hardships for multiple lifetimes? Why did he have to do it all again?

Couldn’t he just rest ?

Images swirled in his mind. The disgust on his own father’s face. The fury mixed with contempt in Nie Mingjue’s expression. The horror in Qin Su’s eyes. 

He barely felt the pain of his nails digging into his arms as despair cut through him, making him want to tear his very self to pieces. 

He couldn’t do it again, not again, not again, not again -!

“A-Yao?”

His thoughts froze at the voice he hadn’t heard in so long but was still achingly familiar. 

“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

He looked up as his mother knelt in front of him, hands reaching out to gently cradle his face. She gasped, worry pulling at her brows. 

“A-Yao, what happened, where does it hurt?”

He couldn’t answer, staring at his mother’s face, at her sharp features, intelligent eyes. 

How many times had he wished he could see her again? And here she was, alive . 

“Mother,” he whispered. Then, his breath hitched and suddenly he was crying, hands reaching out to clutch at his mother’s robes like he really was a child again. 

He heard his mother’s worried exclamation of his name but couldn’t respond, words taken by sobs. His mother pulled him close, stroking his hair in comfort. His heart ached at the gentle touch of a parent that he hadn’t felt in over twenty years, making him cry all the more. 

His mother simply held him all the while. “I’m here, A-Yao,” she said a few times. It was a thoughtless phrase, often used to comfort a distressed child. But it meant the world to Meng Yao. 

His mother was here . She was alive . She hadn’t died, abandoned by his father and worn down by hardships. 

He would have given almost anything to bring her back when he had found his way to power, to have the chance to provide her the care she should have gotten. 

But…I can do that now , he realized. 

Suddenly, he was aware of the possibilities. 

He didn’t have to follow the path he had taken before. It hadn’t done him much good, after all. He could do something else. Anything else. 

What exactly that would be, he wasn’t sure yet. But he knew what the first step would be. 

His tears slowed as determination replaced the despair, grief, and shock that had held him.

“Mother,” he quietly said, still sniffling. 

“Hm? Are you feeling better, A-Yao?”

Meng Yao’s fist clenched into the fabric he still clutched. “I want to leave here.”

His mother paused, then pulled back to look at him. “Of course, you won’t live here forever. Your father will take you in someday-“

“No!” Meng Yao lip curled at the memory of his father’s contemptuous words about his mother. He wasn’t worth even an ounce of the faith she had in him. “I want to leave now. With you.”

His mother examined his face with a frown. “A-Yao, that isn’t possible. I have debts here.”

“Give them the pearl he gave you. That should pay them off.” Better the pearl be used to gain his mother’s freedom than be destroyed beneath Jin Guangshan’s heel as it had been in his first life. 

“Absolutely not! That pearl is proof of your parentage. You need it to show your father-“

“He doesn’t care! If he did, you wouldn’t be here. He would have at least checked if he had left a child here. Mother, let’s just leave.”

His mother’s frown deepened. “You’re meant to be a cultivator. That pearl is your only way to claim your birthright.”

“We’ll find another way. Lots of other sects accept disciples of any background. It doesn’t have to be the Jin.”

His mother was quiet for a moment. “A-Yao, you’re too young to understand-“

“I’ll run away,” Meng Yao hissed, impatience biting at him. “I won’t stay here either way. Come with me.”

“A-Yao…” His mother looked at him with shock at first, then sadness. She sighed. “What kind of life am I giving you that you speak with such maturity at nine years old?”

Meng Yao didn’t respond, holding her gaze with fierce eyes. 

She took his hand, squeezing it gently. “Okay. We’ll leave.”

The sudden relief almost made Meng Yao collapse. He smiled, hugging his mother and relishing at the comforting arms hugging him back. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, giving himself this one moment to soak in the present.

After all, he had a new future to plan. 

Chapter Text

Meng Yao left the brothel without looking back, his mother by his side. 

The pearl had paid for Meng Shi’s freedom but not much else. She did, however, have the robes and trinkets that she had been gifted. The mistress of the brothel had refused to allow her to take them, so Meng Yao had taken matters into his own hands and hidden as much as he could carry with him. 

As they left the brothel behind, Meng Yao tugged at his mother’s hand. When she looked down, he wordlessly held up a necklace he had taken. Her eyes widened for a moment before smiled slyly. 

“You think just like your mother, don’t you, A-Yao?” She reached into her sleeve and drew out a bracelet. 

Meng Yao laughed. He had always known his mother was intelligent, though perhaps overly trusting. To see evidence of that was gratifying. 

“Come,” his mother said. “Let’s sell these before we leave Yunping.”

Meng Yao nodded, trotting along after his mother. Her words reminded him that they weren’t just leaving the brothel behind today. Everyone in this town knew Meng Shi and her profession. There was no way for her to fully leave the brothel in Yunping. 

He couldn’t say he would miss this town. Most of its inhabitants looked down at his mother for her job and him for his parentage. Kind words for them were few and far between. 

But, where was the best place for them to go? 

Caiyi , a longing voice in his mind whispered. 

Immediately, the last view he had of Lan Xichen filled his mind, the look of grief and pain that had seared into his memory. He nearly doubled over with the despair that flooded him. 

What right did he have to be close to Lan Xichen after hurting him so deeply? But…he wanted to be close to him. He didn’t even need to see him, just knowing he was nearby would be enough. 

Who am I trying to fool? How could I live close to him and resist the urge to find him? 

He was nearly incapacitated at the mere memory of Lan Xichen. What would happen if he saw him again? 

“A-Yao, what has you so lost in thought?” 

Meng Yao startled, glancing up at his mother. He thought of brushing it off but the concern in her eyes led him to a half-truth. “I’m thinking about where we’ll go next.”

His mother hummed in thought. “I’ve been thinking about that too. I think I’ve decided, though.”

Meng Yao raised a brow in question. His mother smiled. “How do you feel about a town called Yiling?”

{***}

They had been in Yiling for a few weeks and Meng Yao was restless. 

After selling what they could in Yunping, they had travelled to Yiling and stayed at an inn for a few days. His mother had visited the shops in the market in search of work, ultimately finding it in a small store as a scribe, writing letters for those who were illiterate and sending them to their requested destination. 

His mother had brought the cultivation manuals she had purchased and told him to use his time to study. Clearly, she still had her heart set on seeing him a cultivator. However, he already knew everything in those books and more, enough to know that several of them were frauds. 

That left Meng Yao with nothing but his thoughts to occupy his time. 

He was never good at being alone with his thoughts. They were too wild when he had nothing to focus on, prone to dwelling and spirals of dread. The future loomed over him and, when he wasn’t occupying himself with something else, it was all he could think of. 

Now, it was even worse. He had lived the future. He knew what was to come. Yet, he had already diverted a part of it. He would never have to look at his father as he crushed the pearl that had been the symbol of his mother’s hope. His mother, no longer in the brothel that drained her life away, now had the opportunity to live a long, healthy life. 

What about his place in the new future ahead of him? Would he return to the Jin Clan, claw his way back up to the top? He knew the way in was in making himself useful to his father. He could find a way to do that sooner than he had in his first life. 

But, was that what he wanted? Living to please his father in a futile attempt to gain even an ounce of love and respect? He already knew that he would never attain it. He knew Jin Guangshan didn’t have it in him to love anything but himself and power. Even his prodigal son didn’t really have his love, serving instead as a source of pride that his father could claim. 

He had wasted his first life degrading himself, sacrificing what little morals he had, bowing and scraping only to be met with humiliation after humiliation. He had long burned through his desire to gain his father’s approval. 

What was left was spite. 

He wanted to make his own way to success, to spite his father by rising up without ever having to bow to him. 

He knew the future. He knew what was to come and who the major players of it would be. 

Powerful allies. That’s what he needed. And he knew who the most powerful would be. 

But how to get to them? He was after all, the son of a former prostitute, a member of the common folk for now. 

He pondered this as he wandered the market while his mother worked. It was vaguely familiar, looking much like it would over a decade in the future. 

The Jin Clan was out of the question, along with any clans within its sphere of influence. 

The Nie Clan…He knew it well. But he knew it as it was under Nie Mingjue’s rule. He had no idea what it was like under his father’s rule, no idea if the same qualities that gained him success there in his previous life would work now. Then again, if he remembered correctly, Sect Leader Nie was a few short years away from a Qi deviation. Maybe if he joined in the confusion of the shift in power, he could establish himself as invaluable to the Nie Mingjue early in his ascension. 

But, he also knew the precise limits of Nie Mingjue’s trust, the inflexibility of his moral judgements. He didn’t know if he wanted to deal with that again. 

The Lan Clan…he knew it wouldn’t be wise, and yet…

His thoughts trailed off as he noticed a child-a young boy- in front of a pile of trash. He frowned as he watched the child dig through the mound, uncaring of the filth. The boy dug until he found a half-eaten bun. He beamed, seeming utterly unconcerned with the fact that it was dirty and probably stale. 

Suddenly, a dog barked somewhere behind Meng Yao. The boy froze, whipping his head around to look towards the sound. 

Meng Yao gasped when he saw the boy’s face. Gray eyes, pointy chin, sharp nose.

That’s right. He was in Yiling. 

Wei Wuxian. 

Or, he supposed, Wei Ying for now. 

He must be around seven or eight now. Meng Yao vaguely remembered talk of how Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren had died when their son was young, leaving him on the streets until Jiang Fengmian found him. 

Considering how malnourished he looked, it must have been at least several months since Wei Wuxian’s parents had perished. Jiang Fengmian wouldn’t find him for at least another year. 

As he watched, the young Wei Wuxian jumped up at another bark before sprinting away. Meng Yao stared after him. 

Powerful allies . 

He smiled as the first piece of a plan slowly fell into place. 

After all, who was more powerful than the Yiling Patriarch himself?

{***}

Wei Ying huddled in an alleyway, hugging his still-rumbling belly. 

The bun he had eaten had somehow just made him feel hungrier, like his stomach had gotten a taste and now demanded more. He didn’t want to go back to where he had found it, though. He had seen the dogs circling the area, hungry eyes on the pile of scraps. His fingers traced the scars along his arms. 

No…he definitely wasn’t going back there. 

He sighed. I guess I’ll have to look somewhere else. 

He supposed he could just give up for the day. But, he was so hungry . 

Trying to hold back sniffles, he rubbed at his eyes. It was in these moments that he missed his parents the most. He hadn’t seen them since the full moon had come and gone nine times. A bunch of the villagers told him they weren’t coming back. He was starting to believe it. 

He heard footsteps coming towards him and hastily wiped his tears. He stood, expecting to be shooed away like he always was when he stayed in one place for too long. However, when he looked to the sound, he saw a boy that looked a bit older than his own eight years. The boy was looking at him but kept a cautious distance. 

“Hello,” the boy said with a dimpled smile. 

Wei Ying immediately softened at the friendly expression. It wasn’t often that people smiled at him, after all. “Hi,” he responded with a grin. 

“My name is Meng Yao. I just moved here with my mother. What’s your name?”

“I’m Wei Ying. I’ve been here since my mom and dad left for a night hunt.”

“How long ago was that?”

Wei Ying’s smile dropped. “Maybe nine months? Or ten? I’m not sure.”

Meng Yao frowned. “You’ve been by yourself for that long?”

Wei Ying looked down, kicking at the dirt. He didn’t like to think of how alone he had been, with not a single friendly or gentle hand since his parents had left on the night hunt. 

The words slipped out in a whisper of confused longing. “They said they would be back soon.”

Silence for a moment. Then, he heard footsteps coming closer. When he looked up, Meng Yao was holding out a bun. Wei Ying looked between the bun and the other boy’s face, wary at first. Meng Yao shifted closer, still holding it out. “I’m full. You can have it.”

Hesitantly, Wei Ying reached out. He almost expected the other boy to pull back at the last moment and laugh at him like some other older boys had done before. But he didn’t. He simply smiled when Wei Ying took the bun. 

Wei Ying beamed, deciding in that moment that Yao-ge was now his friend. “Thank you!” 

He busied himself with devouring the bun, finally quieting the rumbling of his stomach. When he was done, Yao-ge was still there. Once he saw that Wei Ying was done, he spoke again. 

“A-Ying, do you want to come live with me and my mother?”

Wei Ying’s eyes widened, a sudden frantic hope making his heart beat faster “Huh? You mean it?”

Yao-ge nodded. “My mother will agree if I ask her. Come on, let’s go now!”

Yao-ge grabbed his hand and tugged him along. Wei Ying followed without protest, hope lightening his steps. Would he really be able to have a place to sleep, to get food? A place where he wouldn’t be alone? A place where he could be safe from dogs?

They slowed when they reached a small, rundown building. Yao-ge went straight in, pulling Wei Ying behind him. Inside was a lady that looked a lot like Yao-ge. She looked a bit surprised to see Wei Ying but smiled at him. 

“A-Yao, who’s your friend?”

“This is Wei Ying. His parents went on a night hunt and haven’t come back. Can he stay with us?”

“Haven’t come back? How long has it been?”

Yao-ge waited for Wei Ying to respond but he found himself too nervous to speak. After a moment, Yao-ge answered on his behalf. “It’s been ten months.”

The lady frowned. “You said they had gone on a night hunt?”

Yao-ge nodded. The lady’s eyes turned sad. “I see.”

She came closer, crouching in front of Wei Ying. “A-Ying,” she said in a gentle voice. “Do you have a place to stay or family we can find for you?”

Wei Ying shook his head. “ I don’t have any aunts or uncles or grandparents. It was just my mom and dad.”

“Then, how about you live with us for now?”

Wei Ying looked up at her, meeting her gaze. She looked back with eyes that were sharp yet kind. It reminded him of his own mother, whose sharp eyes always shined with mirth. Without notice, his vision blurred as tears welled in his eyes. 

A place that was safe, where he wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. Could he really have it?

The lady waited patiently. Yao-ge stood beside her, smiling when Wei Ying met his gaze. 

Slowly Wei Ying nodded. Finally answering the question with a whisper.

“Yes, please.”

Chapter Text

Meng Yao wasn’t sure what he expected Wei Ying to be like when he had made the sudden decision to seek him out. He had heard of Wei Wuxian before he had met him in his first life. The rumors spoke of a lively, mischievous, somewhat arrogant young man. By the time Meng Yao had met him, though, the war had taken its toll and the young man he met was haunted, though still prone to stirring trouble and exuding confidence. 

The little boy who now lived with him didn’t match either perception. He was timid, always watching others’ hands carefully, as if anticipating a strike. He seemed to intentionally shrink himself, keeping quiet and out of the way as much as possible. 

“Poor thing,” his mother had whispered to him one night when Wei Ying was asleep. “He hasn’t been treated well by the people here.”

With Meng Yao, however, he acted much more like the Wei Wuxian of earlier rumors. He trailed after Meng Yao, chatting away like a particularly loud duckling. He talked about seemingly whatever came to mind, laughs coming freely and frequently. He didn’t need much input to barrel on, beyond a nod here and a comment there. 

At first, Meng Yao assumed it was simply that Wei Ying had taken a liking to him after being offered food, much like a stray animal. But then, while walking through the market one day, they were momentarily separated. Immediately, Meng Yao heard the boy’s panicked shouts of his name. Quickly, he found Wei Ying, who had already begun to sob in the moments it took to locate him. For the rest of the day, Wei Ying trailed him even closer, a hand clutching at Meng Yao’s sleeve until they were back home. 

So, it wasn’t mere friendliness, Meng Yao realized. It was desperation for survival. 

He knew that feeling well and recognizing it in another, especially one so young, made his heart prick uncomfortably. 

With Meng Yao’s mother, Wei Ying was much more subdued. It seemed his time in Yiling had made him wary of adults, which didn’t reflect well on the inhabitants of the city. It wasn’t until a little over a week after joining their little household, that he cautiously approached Meng Yao’s mother as she cooked. 

“Um,” he hesitantly started, “can I help?”

She glanced down at him with surprise, pausing on her chopping. Meng Yao looked up from where he sat, pretending to read the cultivation manual that his mother insisted he study. His eyes fell to Wei Ying’s fingers, which nervously grasped at the hem of his shirt. 

His mother must have seen the same, as she smiled reassuringly at the boy. “It’s very kind of you to ask A-Ying. How about you stir the broth for me while I finish chopping the vegetables?”

Wei Ying grinned. “Yes, Auntie Meng!”

From then, Wei Ying slowly warmed to her, helped along by his clearly affable nature. After a few weeks, he became a natural part of their small household. Meng Yao began to teach him the basics of cultivation in that time. It wasn’t long before he could see flashes of the brilliance that Wei Wuxian had been known for. 

His intelligence didn’t lay in instant, precise memorization like Meng Yao’s did. Rather, it was in understanding ideas. The boy seemed to grasp complex concepts in cultivation like they were simple child’s play. 

It was no wonder he was able to upend them all and create an entirely new form of cultivation. After all, one must understand something well before being able to systematically take it apart. Meng Yao had done that with the people who stood in his way. Wei Wuxian had done it with cultivation itself.

Between all that, Meng Yao planned. 

He had been able to figure out the precise moment in time he had returned to. He had heard a rumor that Wen Ruohan was planning on sending his eldest son out to subdue the Rong clan. He remembered this as one of the earliest signs of Wen Ruohan’s hunger for power. The small clan lived in the shadow of the Wen and had long been expected to pay tribute to its larger neighbor. Wen Ruohan had apparently decided that simply being a vassal wasn’t enough, that the Rong clan would need to accept his rule in its entirety. He had sent Wen Xu as a twisted coming-of-age task.

If that event was about to occur, he had indeed returned to his ninth year.

Not only that, but he had his first opportunity to wrench the path of fate away from the misfortunes of his first life.

The Rong clan wasn’t far from Yiling, about a day’s journey. He knew that Wen Xu would be there in a matter of days. 

I can get rid of him now,  he realized.

With Wen Xu out of the way, the Wen clan’s power would be crippled. Perhaps it would discourage Wen Ruohan from his plans of subjugation, at least for a while. 

Wen Xu would never have the chance to attack the Cloud Recesses, Lan Xichen would never have to know the grief and pain of his home’s destruction . 

He only had to figure out how to do it. He couldn’t do much at his current age, nothing direct at least. He would have to find a way to be there, first. Then, find a way to distract Wen Xu, just long enough that someone from the Rong clan would be able to get a fatal hit. 

But how?

It came to him when he was teaching Wei Ying as he did every day. He was going over the unique techniques of each sect and had gotten to the musical cultivation of the Lan sect (he had to staunchly ignore the echo of Liebing that whistled in his ears). 

When the realization hit, he trailed off in the middle of his sentence. Wei Ying didn’t seem to notice, his expression thoughtful.

“Yao-ge, if the Lans can subdue things with their music, can they do the opposite? You know, make someone mad or confused instead of calm?”

“Yes,” Meng Yao responded vaguely. “It’s forbidden to the Lan, but it can be done.”

“Forbidden? Why?”

Meng Yao’s forced his attention back to the conversation. “Because it could be used for evil.”

Wei Ying frowned. “So can a sword.”

“Swords can be used defensively. A song of discord can only be used offensively.”

Wei Ying still looked unconvinced. “That’s not true! What if…what if you used the song to confuse someone long enough to get away? Or, you could do that to a whole army and capture them instead of killing them. Wouldn’t that be better?”

Meng Yao thought about it. “I suppose…that would be possible.” He eyed the child sitting innocently next to him, as unorthodox in his childhood as he would be later in life.

They went on with the lesson, but the idea remained with Meng Yao. He knew what to do now.

So, in the quiet of the night, he snuck out into the forest to get a stick of bamboo. He wouldn’t be able to buy an instrument but he could carve a makeshift flute. He spent the next several nights carefully carving it, then hid it away.

Two weeks later, he knew it was time to go.

As soon as his mother left in the morning, he grabbed the bag he had packed. He would leave while she was gone to make it to the Rong clan by the next day. Hopefully, he would be back the following day. He knew his mother would worry but, in this case, it was better to ask forgiveness than permission.

“Yao-ge?”

He glanced over at Wei Ying, who he knew he would have to convince to play along.

“A-Ying, I have to go somewhere important.”

Wei Ying’s eyes lit up. “Can I come?”

“No,” Meng Yao said sharply. He tried to soften his voice so he didn’t frighten the child. “It’s a secret. You can’t come and you can’t tell Mother about it.”

The boy pouted. “Will you be back soon?”

 “No, not for a couple of days. Mother will ask where I am. Tell her you don’t know anything.”

At that, Wei Ying frowned, worry creeping into his expression. “Will you…will you be okay?”

Meng Yao put on a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be back the day after tomorrow.”

Despite the uncertainty still in his expression, Wei Ying didn’t press any further. Meng Yao left, knowing he would need to travel swiftly to make it to his destination before dark. 

As he left Yiling, he was lost in thought, mentally running through his plan over and over again. He had practiced playing the Song of Discord the last several nights, sneaking outside to avoid unintentionally affecting the inhabitants of the house. It had taken him a while to get used to playing with a smaller hand but he had gotten to the point where he could consistently play through the song without mistake. He would practice again tonight, just in case. 

Much of his plan was vague by necessity, as he wasn’t familiar with the land of the Rong sect. If possible, he would scout the area before the Wen troupe arrived. He would prefer not to leave anything to chance-

Snap!

Meng Yao froze at the sound of a twig snapping behind him. Was someone following him? Why? As far as anyone knew, he was just a child. 

Perhaps it was a coincidence?

Without looking back, he took off. If the person behind him wasn’t following him intentionally, they wouldn’t feel the need to go after him. He hoped that would be the case. But, as he ran, he heard hurried footsteps behind him. He picked up speed, looking around for a way to elude his follower. As he did, he heard a voice shout. 

“Yao-ge, wait!”

Wei Ying?

He stopped, looking behind him for the first time. Sure enough, Wei Ying was coming to a halt behind him, sweaty and out of breath. 

Annoyance made his voice sharp. “A-Ying, why did you follow me?”

Wei Ying, flinched, shoulders hiking up defensively. “I was worried. You looked so serious before you left. I thought you shouldn’t be alone.”

“I told you not to worry! This doesn’t concern you!” Meng Yao gritted his teeth, frustrated at the lack of remorse in the child’s expression. “Have you given any thought to how worried Mother will be if both of us are gone?”

That made Wei Ying falter. He kicked at the dirt, eyes dropping to the ground. “She would have been worried with you gone, anyway,” he mumbled. 

“So you decided it was fine to make it worse by leaving too?”

Wei Ying stomped his foot, eyes jerking up to glare at Meng Yao. “No! I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I told you I’ll be fine-“

“But what if you weren’t? Auntie Meng would be so sad. And…” His glare softened, turning melancholy. “ I would be really sad, too.”

Meng Yao stared at the pitiful child, at a rare loss for words. He could have held on to his anger if Wei Ying had decided to tag along out of some childish sense of adventure. But, that wasn’t the case. The boy had seen through Meng Yao’s attempt to reassure him and followed him out of concern. 

He sighed, any remaining anger draining away. There wasn’t anything to be done about the fact that Wei Ying had followed him. What now?

He supposed he could simply find a way to slip away so that he could continue his plan unencumbered. That would mean leaving the child alone when they were a half-day’s journey away from home, but he would probably be able to find his way back to Yiling. 

Or he wouldn’t and he would end up lost. 

“Yao-ge?” Wei Ying wasn’t looking at him questioningly, eyes childishly innocent. 

Not an option, Meng Yao decided. After all, he had already put in the work to cultivate a relationship that would one day bring him significant advantage. He didn’t wasn’t to let that go to waste. 

It seemed he would have to adjust his plan for the little tag-along. 

Decision made, he spoke. “A-Ying, I’m going somewhere that will be dangerous. If you’re coming, you have to listen to me and do what I say. Do you understand?”

Wei Ying nodded, a smile breaking out. “Yes! I promise I’ll listen!

Meng Yao examined him for a moment and saw only earnestness in his expression. “Alright. Let’s go. We have to move quickly.”

And so, they continued on their way. Now that Wei Ying wasn’t trying to hide, he chattered away. Not as much as he usually did, Meng Yao noticed, which was a testament to the child’s understanding of the situation’s seriousness. 

It was a long journey for children on foot, but, just as the sunset was beginning to paint the sky red, they managed to make it. When they reached the outskirts of the Rong sect complex, Meng Yao looked around for a place for them to spend the night. He found a hidden spot between the trees and got them settled. 

There was still a brief pocket of time left before the night fully fell, so he decided to scout the area while he had the chance. 

“I’ll be right back,” he told Wei Ying. “ Don’t follow me.”

Wei Ying nodded with an innocent smile. Meng Yao glanced over his shoulder as he walked away to make sure the boy stayed put, only leaving once he saw that Wei Ying had curled up in a cradle of tree roots. 

Meng Yao crept around the Rong sect’s complex, making note of his surroundings. He looked for a way in, seeing that the main entrance was guarded. He found it in a gap in the surrounding wall, too small for an adult to fit through but wide enough for a child. He kept to the perimeter, eyes scanning the area, committing it to memory. He was planning on staying hidden in the outskirts but having knowledge of the overall layout of the grounds and buildings was essential in case something went wrong. 

Once he had finished scouting, he returned to where he left Wei Ying. The boy was already asleep, seemingly unconcerned with the hardness of the forest floor. Meng Yao pulled out the blanket he had packed and laid it over the child. He laid on top of the excess, more concerned with the discomfort of the hard ground than about warmth. 

He had expected to be unable to fall asleep. His mind always raced beyond his control when he was anticipating something and it usually left him unable to sleep. But, hearing the quiet sounds of the forest and the steady breaths of the boy close by helped calm his mind into a lull and he managed to doze off into a fitful sleep. 

{***}

The next morning, Meng Yao was faced with another dilemma. 

He couldn’t leave Wei Ying alone in the forest, not with an army coming to the area. But, bringing him into what was about to be the scene of a bloody battle was an objectively bad idea as well. Then again, at least he would be within Meng Yao’s supervision and therefore less likely to get himself into trouble. 

Meng Yao let out a huff at what Wei Ying’s misplaced concern had gotten him into. 

“Wei Ying,” he finally said, resigning himself to choosing the better of two bad choices. “You need to stick close to me. Don’t say anything or go anywhere else. It’s very important. Do you understand?”

Wei Ying nodded with an uncharacteristically solemn look on his face. 

With a quiet shadow behind him, Meng Yao snuck back into the Rong sect complex. Making his way to the area on the outskirts of the courtyard hidden by a row of bushes, he sat in wait. Wei Ying was quiet beside him, though the hand clutching Meng Yao’s sleeve belied his anxiety. 

For a while, he was watching a normal start to a day, people bustling back and forth, chatter and laughter ringing in the air. 

Then, a shout came. 

A young man, a Rong disciple, flew in on his sword, face full of panic. 

“The Wen soldiers are coming!”

There was a single moment of silence, then chaos broke out. The Rong disciples gathered themselves in formation in preparation for what was to come. 

It wasn’t long before the first of the Wen army was visible in the air, coming straight for the Rong sect. 

Meng Yao felt his lip curl as his eyes fell onto a young man with an arrogant expression. 

Wen Xu. 

This man was the one who had brought destruction to the Cloud Recesses, who had orphaned Lan Xichen, who had caused Lan Xichen to be so badly injured.

Meng Yao would show no mercy.

Wen Xu landed, along with a small contingent, while the rest of the army stayed airborne. He smirked with the assurance of a man that had never known any form of resistance. 

It didn’t take long for a fight to break out. Wen Xu demanded subjugation, putting on an act of benevolence, as if he was doing the Rong sect a favor by offering to spare them if they bowed to him. Understandably, the sect leader refused. 

Wen Xu glared, the smarmy smile leaving his face. He made a sharp gesture.

In one moment, the old sect leader was struck down. In the next, chaos erupted. 

“Don’t look,” Meng Yao hissed to Wei Ying, hoping to spare the child from seeing slaughter. 

The Rong cultivators attacked the Wen soldiers, rage giving them strength. But, that wouldn’t be enough, not with more Wen soldiers waiting to join as reinforcements at their leader’s signal.

Meng Yao would make sure it never came.

He took out his makeshift lute and began to play a familiar song, one that he had played hundreds of times to Nie Mingjue. The energy was slow to gather, impeded by the subpar instrument he was using. He cycled through to song once, then made to start again when he was interrupted by a sharp pull on his shirt. 

“Watch out!”

He tumbled to the ground just as a stray arrow flew to where his head had just been. He gasped, staring at where the arrow landed in disbelief. 

“Yao-ge, are you okay?”

Wei Ying’s voice was panicked, his hands clutching at Meng Yao’s arm. Numbly, Meng Yao turned to meet the boy’s fearful gaze. “I’m fine,” he said mechanically, still in shock. 

Wei Ying had saved his life, he realized vaguely. He had been so irritated that the child had followed him and yet, had he not, Meng Yao would have been struck down by the arrow. 

Meng Yao had assumed that his gamble for a powerful ally would take years to bear fruit. But, it seemed it was already paying out. 

He remained in a daze for several moments, feeling oddly wrong-footed in the face of the boy’s desperate worry. 

Then, he registered the screams around him again and he remembered what he had to do. Getting up, he went back to playing the song. He carefully gathered the energy of the music and, once he had enough, sent it in a tendril to Wen Xu. 

It took a moment for the effects to become visible. It started with a frown, then a twitch of a hand. Meng Yao could see Wen Xu try to continue fighting at first. But, as he kept playing, his movements slowed. Not anything too noticeable. It was subtle, just the slightest fog of confusion. 

But, that was all that was needed to give one of the Rong cultivators the chance to take him down. It was the sect leader’s son-or the new sect leader now- that got the hit. He plunged his sword into Wen Xu’s chest with a furious roar. 

Wen Xu seemed to blink in confusion, not fully registering the hit at first. Then, the pain washed into his expression. When the sword was withdrawn, he fell to his knees, hand clutching at the hole in his chest. Within a few moments, he lay on the ground, staring vacantly into the air.

Wen Xu was dead.

{***}

Yao-ge was very quiet as he led the way back. 

They had left before the sound of the fighting had stopped. “I’ve done what I needed to do,” Yao-ge had said. 

With that, they left, though the sounds of the fight- pained shouts and clanging swords- rang in Wei Ying’s ears. 

“We’ll try to get most of the way back before it gets dark,” Yao-ge had told him quietly. “That way we’ll be back early tomorrow.”

After that, Meng Yao had been silent. And Wei Ying, mind still full of what he had seen, was quiet as well. 

It wasn’t just the fight that lingered in his mind. It was also the song that Yao-ge had played, what he had done with it. 

Wei Ying was reminded of what they had talked about during one of their lessons. 

“ Yao-ge, if the Lans can subdue things with their music, can they do the opposite? You know, make someone mad or confused instead of calm?”

Well, now he knew it was possible. Yao-ge had done it. 

It had been scary. But, it had also been…amazing. 

Wei Ying wondered what else could be done by using cultivation methods in a new way. 

He thought about it for most of their journey, until, hours later, he heard Yao-ge’s voice. 

“A-Ying,” he said in a quiet tone. “Thank you.”

Wei Ying blinked, not realizing what Yao-ge was talking about at first. 

“You saved my life,” Yao-ge added. 

Oh . 

Wei Ying blinked as Yao-ge’s words registered. He…he had saved Yao-ge, hadn’t he? He didn’t really think much at the time, he just reacted to seeing the arrow coming towards Yao-ge. 

Yao-ge…has nearly died. 

Like Mother and Father . 

Wei Ying tried to smile. “You’re welco-“

Before he could get out the full words, his throat tightened, cutting them off. 

Yao-ge had nearly died!

He stopped, tears clouding his vision. The suddenly stark memory of the arrow flying towards Yao-ge replayed in his head. 

If I hadn’t seen it, if I had been too late…Yao-ge would be dead!

He buried his face in his hands as the realization dawned with the sharpness of ice-cold water and began to cry, shaking with the force of the sobs. 

“Yao-ge,” he wailed, unable to put the weight of his fear into words. He could only repeat the name as he cried, the weight of that fear crashing down on him, the terror of that moment, the anticipation of a familiar grief. It opened the floodgates of an older grief that he had never allowed himself to feel. The weight of it nearly crushed him, overwhelming him with the ache of loss.

Then, he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m okay, A-Ying,” Yao-ge said in a soft voice. 

Wei Ying pressed forward, burying his head into Yao-ge’s shoulder. Thin arms hesitantly wrapped around him, making him cry all the more. 

When was the last time that someone hugged him? 

As the sun began to set, Wei Ying wailed out his grief, his fear, his relief. 

And Yao-ge hugged him all the while. 

Chapter Text

They ended up not getting very far that day. 

Once Wei Ying was calm enough to continue, they traveled slowly. Wei Ying kept a grip on Yao-ge’s sleeve, needing the proof that he was still there. Yao-ge quietly got them settled for the night when it started to get dark. Wei Ying didn’t sleep well that night. From how much Yao-ge shifted that night, neither did he.

The next morning, Wei Ying woke up feeling a little better. The memory of the arrow hurtling towards Yao-ge lingered but, after getting the small amount of rest he had managed, the sharpness of the image had dulled slightly. Yao-ge was still very quiet, even as they set off again. Wei Ying watched him carefully, wanting to talk with him as normal, but hesitant because of Yao-ge’s serious expression. Eventually, though, Wei Ying ventured a question, his curiosity too much to hold back. 

“Why did you want that man to die?”

Yao-ge tensed, whipping his head around to look at him. “You saw?”

Wei Ying nodded uncertainly, somewhat startled by the cold look in Yao-ge’s eyes. “Just a little. I know you said not to look but I saw the black stuff-”

“Black stuff?”

“Yeah, it came out of your flute and went to the man.”

Yao-ge stared at him for several seconds before turning away, beginning to pace as he muttered to himself. Wei Ying caught snatches of what he said. “...perhaps, he was always sensitive…possibly carried over…maybe both…”

Wei Ying was confused, unable to make sense of what the other boy was talking about. After several moments, Wei Ying ventured a hesitant “Yao-ge?”

The other boy paused, looking at Wei Ying like he had forgotten he was there. After a moment, though, his expression smoothed over. “Ah, sorry. It’s just that most people can’t see resentful energy.”

Worry crept into Wei YIng. “Is it bad?”

Yao-ge looked at him consideringly. Wei Ying waited anxiously, suddenly terrified that this revelation would make Yao-ge turn him away. “No,” Yao-ge finally said slowly and Wei Ying let out a shaky breath of relief. “Not bad. Just unusual. Anyways, that man…he was very bad. He would have hurt many people. You saw what he was doing?”

“Yeah,” Wei Ying responded with somberness. “He killed that old man and was attacking the sect.”

“Exactly. He would have done that to many more people. So, I stopped him before he could.”

A strange, scary look entered Yao-ge’s eyes. It was like they had frozen over, no longer the gentle eyes of his Yao-ge. They glinted with mercilessness and, in that moment, he didn’t look like a child. The look in his eyes was the look of a man who had seen terrible things, who had done terrible things. Wei Ying was left speechless, gaping at the sudden change.

Yao-ge seemed to notice, as he blinked and, suddenly, the look fell away, replaced by an earnest expression. “I had to make sure that he didn’t hurt anyone else. You understand, right? If you knew someone was bad, that they would hurt others, had already hurt others, then you have stop them.”

“Right,” Wei Ying responded automatically, despite his uneasiness. That look had to have been his imagination, right? Or maybe he had been mistaken and that look was simply righteous anger over the actions of that man. That look, that cold look, couldn’t have been Yao-ge. 

Yet, as he tried to convince himself, another thought crossed his mind. Why was Yao-ge so certain that the man would try to conquer more sects? 

“Right,” he repeated. “I guess, if you really knew they would do something bad. But how do you know?”

A glimmer of that dark look returned to Yao-ge’s eyes for a brief moment. “I know .” The look was gone in the next second. “You saw what he was doing. He would have kept doing the same.”

Wei Ying frowned, unsure of what Yao-ge was implying. “Do you…can you…see the future? Is that how you knew?” 

Yao-ge smiled cryptically. “Something like that.”

Wei Ying considered Yao-ge’s point. He supposed it was true that the man had already hurt people and that the man didn’t seem like he would hesitate to do it again. He was certainly a bad person. But, the implication that Yao-ge somehow knew the future somehow made Wei Ying think of something else, especially with the worryingly cold look in Yao-ge’s eyes. “Would you have still killed him f he hadn’t done anything bad yet?”

“I know he would have.”

“But…I mean…” Wei Ying struggled to explain himself. “Does that mean you would kill someone because you know that they might do something bad in the future?”

“Yes.” Yao-ge didn’t hesitate. Wei Ying frowned.

“Even if they hadn’t done anything yet?”

“But I know-”

Wei Ying stomped his foot in frustration. “Yao-ge, you can’t hurt someone for something they didn’t do yet!”

Yao-ge’s expression hardened. “Yes, I can.”

“But, what if there were other ways? This man, he already did something bad. But, if you knew someone was going to do something a long time from now, couldn’t you stop them another way?”

Yao-ge stared at him, looking confused. “Stop them another way?”

“Yes! Like…if…what if you knew someone is going to steal some food in 2 months? Couldn’t you stop them by making sure they have food?”

“I…could. But, it’s not relevant in this case. Wen Xu was already full of cruelty. There was nothing to do other than get rid of him. But, others…” Yao-ge didn’t look very convinced but he admitted reluctantly “there could be other options.”

Just like that, Wei Ying’s unease fell away. He knew his Yao-ge wasn’t mean or scary! He smiled for the first time since yesterday morning. “Right? I’ll help you, yeah? We can be partners and work together!”

Yao-ge hummed without giving a straight answer, but Wei Ying didn’t mind. “Hey, Yao-ge, how much longer until we get home? We’ve been walking forever .”

“We’re not far. We’ll be back before sundown.”

“Yay! I miss Auntie Meng.”

Yao-ge smiled. “Me, too.”

“But, she’s going to be so mad! What are we gonna tell her?”

“We’ll tell her we were playing in the forest and got lost,” Yao-ge’s quick response made it seem like he had already planned for this. “I’ll tell her I twisted my ankle and that’s why we took so long.”

Wei Ying eyed him with concern. “ Did you twist your ankle?”

“No,” Yao-ge said simply. 

Wei Ying stared for a moment, then shrugged. Like playing pretend? If that was the case, Wei Ying would play along. They were partners, after all!

With things feeling more normal between them, Wei Ying didn’t hesitate to chatter at Yao-ge to his heart’s content. Like always, Yao-ge let him talk without complaint. In the end, Yao-ge turned out to be right in his estimation and they arrived at the outskirts of Yiling just as the sky was beginning to turn orange. Wei Ying stopped talking as they neared the house. When they reached the door, he stopped, feeling suddenly nervous. Would Auntie Meng be mad at him? Would she make him leave?

Needing reassurance, Wei Ying glanced at Yao-ge, who smiled slightly before taking a deep breath and opening the door. 

“Mother?”

A gasp came from inside. “A-Yao?”

Wei Ying followed Yao-ge inside and saw Auntie Meng staring at Yao-ge with shocked, tired eyes. Her face was pale, like she hadn’t rested much in the past couple of days. Slowly, her eyes watered and relief sank into her expression. She rushed across the room and fell to her knees, pulling Yao-ge into her arms. He went without protest.

Wei Ying shuffled awkwardly in place, not sure what to do in the face the moment between mother and son. But, then Auntie Meng looked up and her eyes met Wei Ying’s.

“A-Ying,” she said, holding out a hand. 

Unthinkingly, Wei Ying stepped forward, taking her hand. Gently, she drew him in until she was hugging him, too.

Wei Ying was stiff with surprise at first. Gradually, however, he relaxed, leaning into her, feeling the worry and relief conveyed in the tightness of her grip.

“I’m so glad you’re both safe,” she whispered.

Wei Ying’s eyes stung even as he smiled.

Chapter Text

In the end, Meng Yao’s mother didn’t press them on their explanation. When he had told her the story, careful to limp slightly to make it more plausible, she had looked at him with searching eyes and simply said “don’t stray too far next time.”

Somehow, Meng Yao got the feeling that she knew he was lying to some degree but chose to let it go. Regardless, things seamlessly shifted back to normal.

Yet, Meng Yao felt…restless. Unmoored. Directionless, which was a very strange feeling for him. He heard through the whispers in the village that Wen Ruohan had been strongly affected by Wen Xu’s death, the death of his would-be heir, and had retreated into grief, leaving the surrounding sects in a wary relief.

Meng Yao knew this wouldn’t stop Wen Ruohan’s ambitions, that he had only delayed them. But, for now, that particular threat was delayed. So, he found himself drifting along in a routine with no clear path forward.

He had, inexplicably, been given a second chance at his life. So far, he had simply been responding to immediate circumstances.

He found his mother still alive, so he got her away from the place that would have eventually killed her.

He found the child Wei Wuxian, so he established a relationship to get the child on his side.

He heard that Wen Xu would be nearby, so he took the opportunity to eliminate the threat.

Now what?

He couldn’t keep drifting along, only making choices as they were presented to him. He already knew what he wanted: to spite his father by achieving prestige without him. He had wasted his first life on the futile endeavor to gain that man’s approval and wasn’t about to waste his second. He would find another way to claw his way up.

The question was how. What events did he need to ensure occurred so that he could benefit from them? What events did he need to ensure never happened? What people did he need to eliminate (for he had to eliminate them, no matter the words that lingered in his mind from Wei Ying’s passionate proclamation).

As he pondered his choices, carefully weighing his options, the days slipped by. On one of those days, as Meng Yao sat with Wei Ying for their now-routine cultivation lessons, he idly thought about how he had never managed to cultivate to any significant power in his first life, not getting any genuine training until too late. 

Perhaps, now that he had the chance to start younger, he might be able to cultivate enough power or skills to make a name for himself. After all, that was just what Wei Wuxian had done, the son of a servant known throughout the cultivation world for his undeniable brilliance and strength.

A part of Meng Yao had always been envious of how a boy with a similarly low background had been able to climb so high because he had the luck of being taken in by Sect Leader Jiang, rather than thrown out with no regard (by his own father, no less). If only he had had the fortune of having a sect leader willing to take him in, maybe…

Wait…

As he watched the child eagerly attempt to write a proper talisman, an idea took root in his mind. 

That’s right, the Jiang Sect .

He had a ticket into the Jiang Sect in the child sitting beside him.

“A-Ying,” he suddenly spoke, breaking the other boy’s focus. “Do you know the Jiang Sect?”

Wei Ying hummed thoughtfully, tapping his nose in a seemingly unconscious gesture that left behind a bit of ink. “Not really,” he finally answered. “I know they’re one of the great sects. And…I think I heard my dad talk about someone named Jiang…um…Jiang Meng?”

“Oh,” Meng Yao’s heart rate picked up in excitement of a new path becoming available. “That’s probably Jiang Fengmian. He’s the sect leader. Seems like your father knew him.”

“Maybe…? But, my father never mentioned the Jiang Sect. And besides, there’s no way my father knew a sect leader.”

“Did your father wear a bell on his belt?”

Wei Ying looked at him with surprise. “How did you know that?”

“That’s what members of the Jiang Sect wear. So your father definitely knew Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Oh. I wonder why we didn’t live there, then.”

“Your mother was a rogue cultivator, right? Maybe your father decided to join her.”

“I guess so.” Wei Ying was quiet for a moment, a complicated expression crossing his face. “Do you think they have any of my father’s things?”

Perfect, a valid reason to go . “Maybe. Maybe we can go there to see. If Sect Leader Jiang really knew your father, maybe we can join the sect.”

“Wow, really?! That would be amazing! Then, we could really be cultivators!”

Meng Yao hid his satisfaction with an excited grin mirroring Wei Ying’s. “We’ll have to ask my Mother but we really should go. You know, Lotus Pier is surrounded by lakes full of flowers.”

“Really? I want to see that! Maybe I can learn to swim. Do you know how?”

Meng Yao shook his head. “No, but we can learn together.”

Wei Ying seemed to vibrate from sheer excitement. “Yao-ge,” he exclaimed, reaching out to clutch Meng Yao’s hand. “Let’s ask Auntie Meng right away!”

“Hold on, A-Ying,” Meng Yao said with a laugh. “Even if we ask now, we can’t go with winter approaching so soon. We’ll have to wait until spring.” Taking a sword wasn’t a possibility, so they were stuck with the limitations of the mundane. 

“Aw,” Wei Ying pouted. 

“It’s better this way, Meng Yao reassured him. “We have time to persuade Mother if she doesn’t agree at first. And, that gives us plenty of time to prepare to move.”

Meng Yao managed to wrangle a promise out to Wei Ying to keep their intentions quiet until he was able to speak with his mother. Despite the child’s innocent earnestness, Meng Yao was skeptical about his ability to keep a secret, so he decided to bring it up to her sooner rather than later. 

He found a good opportunity to do so several days later, when the first snowfall of the season had his mother returning home earlier. 

“Mother,” he ventured when Wei Ying had been sent off to get a bucket of water. “Did you know of a man named Wei Changze?”

Mother considered for a moment. “No, I don’t think so. Is he a cultivator? Only news of cultivators within the great clans ever made it to our previous home.”

“He was. He wasn’t a member of a great clan but he was well-known to Sect Leader Jiang.”

Mother hummed in vague interest. “What brought him to mind?”

“He’s A-Ying’s father.”

Mother raised a brow. “Really? I would have thought A-Ying would have been kept closer to Lotus Pier if his father knew the sect leader.” Mother paused, then frowned. “If Sect Leader Jiang knew A-Ying’s father, why was he left on the streets after the death of his parents? Did he so easily discard the child of his friend?”

“He wasn’t with the Jiang Sect at the time. He had left to be a rogue cultivator with A-Ying’s mother, Cangse Sanren.”

Mother’s brows raised higher at that. “His mother was Cangse Sanren?”

“Yes,” Meng Yao replied, a bit surprised by her reaction. “Did you know her?”

“I knew of her. Even those beyond the cultivation world knew of the woman who had been the disciple of an immortal master and had descended from the mountain to ensnare the hearts of men. Rumor had it that even Sect Leader Jiang had fallen for her charms. Yet it was his friend that she chose?”

Meng Yao nodded. “Sect Leader Jiang regarded him as a friend but Wei Changze was his servant.”

“His servant?! It’s no wonder A-Ying’s parents had to leave the Jiang Sect after such a scandal.”

Meng Yao thought back to the trajectory of Wei Wuxian’s life in their original life, how Sect Leader Jiang had not only taken him in but had adopted him as a ward treated nearly as an equal to his heir. It spoke of the regard he must have had for Wei Wuxian’s parents. “I don’t think Sect Leader Jiang wanted them to leave.”

“Perhaps not, but Wei Changze couldn’t have stayed if he cared about his friend’s reputation. To be known as the man who was rejected in favor of his servant and allowed them to remain…it would have been considered a humiliation.”

“I guess so,” Meng Yao conceded. It was indeed true that, regardless of the feelings of those involved, the situation would have looked damning from the outside. 

Mother eyed him consideringly, an odd look in her eyes. “How do you know all this?

Meng Yao froze for a brief moment, then forced himself to relax, maintaining a bland expression. “A-Ying told me,” he said. 

“I see,” Mother replied, a similarly bland expression on her face, though the look in her eyes remained. 

The conversation lulled for several moments. Despite the impression that Meng Yao got that Mother didn’t quite believe him, neither of them addressed it. 

Eventually, Meng Yao spoke, returning the conversation to the path he wanted to take it. “I think we should go to Lotus Pier, he said. 

“Oh? Why?”

“Don’t you think Sect Leader Jiang might be willing to help A-Ying?”

“I…don’t think it would be wise,” his mother said carefully, as if trying to curate her language for a child. “It’s very possible that Sect Leader Jiang won’t believe that A-Ying is the son of his friend. We might very well be accused of lying to get into the sect leader’s good graces. And, besides, I don’t think his wife would appreciate our presence.”

“A-Ying probably looks like one of his parents. That would be proof enough for Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Perhaps,” his mother conceded. “Though it may not be so simple. That still leaves his wife. I’ve heard of her quick temper. It wouldn’t be wise to expose ourselves to it.”

Meng Yao frowned, trying to piece together what his mother was carefully not saying. He knew that Madame Yu would take offense to Wei Ying due to her own insecurity but his mother likely didn’t know that, so that wasn’t likely to be her point. Why else would Madame Yu take offense? What bone did she have to pick with him or his mother-

Oh. 

“You think she will take offense to the Sect leader having you as a guest,” he realized. 

His mother nodded. 

Meng Yao, unfortunately, understood. While anyone outside of Yunping wouldn’t know of his mother's prior work, she was still an unmarried woman with a child. Most people would make their judgements based on that alone. 

He had already figured that having Wei Ying adopted as a ward to Sect Leader Jiang wouldn’t be advantageous. Both because Meng Yao would have to settle for a lower position and because it could cause Wei Ying to have stronger ties to the Jiang family than he did with Meng Yao, which would defeat the whole purpose of bringing the child in and keeping him close. 

But, he had assumed they might be able to claim a higher position than simply new disciples. He had planned to use Wei Ying’s connection to get them started in the Jiang Sect with an advantage. It seemed, however, that the advantage might come with the consequence of angering the sect leader’s wife, both due to the animosity Meng Yao knew she had towards Wei Ying for his parentage and for what it would look like for an unmarried woman’s child being taken into a higher position in the sect. Tongues would wag and the sect leader’s wife was unlikely to appreciate it. 

So. They would have to approach more carefully. 

But how?

They still needed to use Wei Ying’s connection as a way in. It just couldn’t be a way up. And his mother had to be kept at a careful distance from the sect, lest rumors begin to fly. Within Yunmeng but not Lotus Pier.

But, he refused to leave her alone while he and Wei Ying took up residence in Lotus Pier, as disciples would be expected to. 

No, he would have to play this carefully. They would need to find a reason for him and Wei Ying to live outside of Lotus Pier with his mother, just far enough away for respectability. 

But, before that, they would need to be careful in how they approached the Jiang Sect. There was a simple solution for that. 

“How about we send Sect Leader Jiang a letter? That way, they can decide if they want to allow us to come.”

His mother was quiet but he could tell from her slight frown that she was thinking about it. 

“Okay,” she finally said with a bit of hesitation. “I’ll send him a letter.”

{***}

Wei Ying was so excited!

Ever since Yao-ge had suggested going to Lotus Pier, Wei Ying had been buzzing with anticipation. He hadn’t known of his parent’s friends. For all the time before , it had just been the three of them together. And it had been wonderful! Mother and Father had always been with him and he had always had their full attention. If it had been the three of them, together forever, he would have been so happy. 

But, then they were gone. And he had nobody left. Worse than that, he was…starting to forget them, their faces becoming ever more blurred in his memory. And that had terrified him. If he forgot them, if no one in the world was left to remember them, then they would be truly gone. 

But, he wasn’t the only one left to remember them. There was someone else, someone who had known them and could remember them. Better yet, Wei Ying could meet him and maybe he would be willing to tell Wei Ying more about Mother and Father.

Yes, Wei Ying was very excited!

But, on the other hand, ever since Yao-ge had brought up going to Lotus Pier, he had been…strange. Even more so after he had spoken to Auntie Meng about it. Often, Wei Ying found him staring distantly, a glint in his eyes that Wei Ying hadn’t seen since they had returned home. When Wei Ying spoke to him, he acted normally, gentle smile returning to his face. But, as soon as he was left to his own devices, his eyes turned distant again.

Now, a few weeks after Auntie Meng had sent the letter to Sect Leader Jiang, winter had set in and Yao-ge’s preoccupation continued. Wei Ying glanced at him through the open door, pausing in his delighted play in the snow (it had been a while since the snow was something fun and he fully intended on enjoying it). Yao-ge had opted to stay inside, saying he wanted to study, but, when Wei Ying looked over, Yao-ge was again staring off into the distance.

He paused, the oddness of Yao-ge’s behavior starting ot make him worry. “Yao-ge,” he called, “come play!”

Yao-ge blinked and looked over. He smiled slightly. “I’d rather not, A-Ying. The snow will eventually melt and you’ll be left with wet robes.”

Wei Ying looked down and noticed the dusting of snow on him. He pouted as he realized Yao-ge was right. He fussed over his clothes, trying to shake off the worst of the snow. It wasn’t until several minutes later that he realized Yao-ge had successfully distracted him.

He decided to try again. “Yao-ge, let’s do something together!” Maybe he could get Yao-ge’s mind off of what was worrying him if they did something fun.

“Hm? Like what?”

Wei Ying put his hands on his hips as he considered. All of their usual pastimes hadn’t gotten Yao-ge’s full attention for a while. Wasn’t there something new they could do?

“Oh! Yao-ge, I heard there will be a show in town. Like, with dancing and a puppet show and music. Don’t you want to go?” At least, he thought he heard that the show would be today. Hopefully he remembered correctly. 

Yao-ge had already turned away, seeming disinterested. “It’s too cold out now. Maybe later.”

Wei Ying pouted. “ Please , Yao-ge?”

Yao-ge glanced over, mouth open to respond, but he paused when his eyes met Wei YIng’s. 

“I know you’ve been worried about something, Yao-ge. And I know you won’t tell me. Can’t we go together? Maybe it will make you feel better?”

Yao-ge hesitated for a few more moments, then sighed. “Alright. Give me a minute.”

Wei Ying beamed. He nearly danced in place with excitement as Yao-ge put on a warm robe. As soon as Yao-ge crossed the threshold, Wei Ying grabbed his hand and pulled him along.

“A-Ying, slow down!”

Wei Ying laughed, tugging at Yao-ge’s hand. “Don’t be a slowpoke! Let’s run!”

Yao-ge huffed but gave in, hurrying along behind Wei Ying.

By the time they made it to the center of town, the puppet show was already in progress. Wei Ying let out a small sigh of relief that he had remembered the day of the show correctly as he pulled Yao-ge to sit in the crowd of children.

The show as a familiar story, the story of Chang'e and Hou Yi. Despite knowing the story, Wei Ying was quickly absorbed, forgetting to check on Yao-ge. He didn’t recall until the story was over and, when he looked over, Yao-ge was watching with a complicated look on his face. 

Wei Ying tugged on his sleeve. “Are you okay, Yao-ge?”

Yao-ge startled, seeming to snap out of his thoughts. “I’m fine,” he responded automatically. “Just…to be unable to be with the one you love, it’s…painful.”

Wei Ying tilted his head, confused at the strange sense that Yao-ge spoke from experience. Yao-ge blinked and his expression suddenly shifted into his usual gentle expression. “It’s sad, isn’t it? The story of Chang'e?”

Wei Ying nodded slowly, still a bit puzzled at Yao-ge's odd mood. “Yeah, it is.”

“Come on, let’s get something to eat,” Yao-ge suggested, standing up.

Wei Ying was immediately distracted at the thought of the delicious looking food. “Yay!” he shouted, shooting up to follow Yao-ge.

They spent the next hour wandering through the stalls set up around the stage, some full of food, others displaying trinkets. Wei Ying flitted between them, though he kept an eye on Yao-ge. Though, somewhat subdued, the other boy’s attention was fixed on their surroundings. Wei Ying smiled at the sight, glad that Yao-ge was, for the moment, no longer preoccupied with whatever was worrying him.

Eventually, they had circled through everything and Yao-ge suggested they return home. Wei Ying agreed, knowing that Yao-ge had already indulged him in coming and not wanting to put him out too much.

As they were leaving, though, trouble struck.

After they had made their way out of the town center, Wei Ying had remembered his intention to buy Auntie Meng something from the market. Yao-ge told him that he would wait, so Wei Ying rushed back to get Auntie Meng one of the honey-coated sweets she liked. As Wei Ying hurried back to where Yao-ge waited, he bumped into someone. 

“Sorry,” he said immediately, glancing at who he had hit. When he saw the other person, though, he tensed.

Wei Ying and Yao-ge generally kept to themselves when they went into town. Wei Ying did so out of habit, having spent nearly a year keeping a low profile to avoid being met with anger, while Yao-ge simply seemed disinterested in speaking with others their age. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean that the other children left them alone.

A group of boys just a bit older than them had seemed to take their distance as arrogance and had made it their mission to “take them down a notch,” as one of the boys had put it. 

It was one of those boys that Wei Ying had bumped into.

“Sorry,” he said again, trying to get away. 

“Oi,” the boy said, grabbing Wei Ying’s arm. “Shouldn’t you apologize with some more sincerity? Try again.”

The other boys with him smirked. Wei Ying glared. 

“I’m sorry,” he said through gritted teeth. “It was an accident.” He jerked his arm out of the boy’s grasp, stepping back. He turned away, planning on ignoring them.

“Hey! How can you be so rude to your senior, huh? You think you’re better than us?”

Wei Ying ignored him.

“What about your brother, that other kid that’s always with you,” the boy continued. “Is that even your brother? You don’t look alike. He’s so delicate, like a girl. How disgusting.”

Wei Ying paused, annoyed that they were being mean to Yao-ge. But, Yao-ge always told him to not give in to their taunts, so he gritted his teeth and moved to continue on his way. 

“You know, maybe they are brothers. Half brothers. Isn’t it strange that their mother has two sons that look so different? Where’s their father?” 

This time, Wei Ying felt heat rush to his face, heartbeat picking up with fury. Wei Ying turned around to glare at the terrible boy.

He grinned meanly, seeming to enjoy getting a reaction out of them. “You know, I’ve heard the grown-ups talking about her. It’s strange, how she turned up with two kids and no husband. You know what they’ve been saying?”

Wei Ying’s fists clenched. He could hear his heart in his ears, the rushing sound nearly drowning out everything else. 

The boy continued, speaking deliberately. “They’re saying she’s a whore .”

Wei Ying had heard enough. He threw himself forward, aiming a fist directly at the boy’s face. His aim was true and the boy fell back, clutching his jaw. It was quiet for a moment, the older boys frozen in surprise. 

Then, they shouted, starting toward Wei Ying. 

Wei Ying braced himself, knowing that he couldn’t take them all. But, then he felt a hand grip his arm, pulling him sharply. At first, he tried to jerk away, but then he saw who was pulling him. 

Yao-ge pulled him insistently, shouting “come on!” He went without protest, running behind Yao-ge, who led them through the town, taking a wandering route until they shook off their pursuers. 

In a narrow alley, they were finally able to pause, panting harshly. 

“You shouldn’t have done that, A-YIng,” Yao-ge said as he caught his breath. “They won’t leave you alone whenever we’re in town.”

“I don’t care!” Wei Ying stomped a foot, still furious. “They can come after me if they want. I’ll beat them up!”

Yao-ge sighed. “A-Ying-”

“No! I don’t care if they’re mean to me and I don’t like it when they’re mean to you but you said to ignore them. But, they were mean to Auntie Meng! They called her a mean word!”

Yao-ge tensed. Wei Ying froze when he saw a dark look enter Yao-ge’s eyes, a look he had only seen once before, after he saw Yao-ge kill Wen Xu. “They called her a whore, didn’t they?”

Wei Ying nodded furiously. “They did! So, I had to beat them up! No one can be mean to Auntie Meng!”

Yao-ge stared at him with stunned eyes. He was quiet for so long that Wei Ying shuffled uncertainly. “Yao-ge?”

Yao-ge blinked, then laughed in an odd way. It sounded a bit defeated, a bit disbelieving. 

“I wish more people thought that way, A-Ying. The world would be a much better place. But, you need to understand, people will find a reason to look down on others and humiliate them once they find one. In this world, people will look down on Mother for surviving while they sit in luxury, never having known struggle. I hate it.” He looked up and met Wei Ying’s eyes with blazing eyes. “But fighting it now won’t accomplish anything. The only way to do anything about it is to play along until you’re powerful enough to change it.”

Wei Ying huffed, unsatisfied with Yao-ge’s reply. He understood Yao-ge’s point, but…but- “I don’t care,” he declared. “What’s the point if we can’t protect Auntie Meng now ? I’ll beat them up if they can’t be nice to her!”

Yao-ge stared at Wei Ying for a few moments, then sighed. “If only it was that simple.”

The distant look had returned to his eyes. At the sight, Wei Ying burst into tears.

“A-Ying?” Yao-ge sounded alarmed. 

“I’m sorry,” Wei Ying managed through his tears. “I wanted to help you feel better. But, now everything’s ruined and you look sad again.” 

He had just wanted to come see the show and get Yao-ge’s mind off of what was worrying him. But, instead, Wei Ying had bumped into that awful boy and had fallen for his bait and Yao-ge had to save him and he hadn’t helped Yao-ge at all, he had just made it worse-

Thin arms wrapped around Wei Ying, pulling him into a hug. Wei Ying’s thoughts froze. Yao-ge didn’t mind Wei Ying’s constant touches but he didn’t generally initiate contact. The only time Yao-ge had been the one to hug him was when they were returning from Yao-ge’s trip. This time, though, Yao-ge’s grip was tight.

Wei Ying sniffled, returning the hug automatically.

“A-Ying,” Yao-ge whispered. “Thank you.”

Wei Ying wasn’t sure what Yao-ge was thanking him about but he noticed Yao-ge’s red-rimmed eyes and decided not to say anything. 

They returned home quietly, both subdued. 

When they heard Auntie Meng returning home, however, they both immediately noticed her hurried steps and looked at the door with worry. 

Auntie Meng rushed in, a slightly crumpled paper in hand. Her expression was a bit nervous and a bit excited. 

“Sect Leader Jiang wrote back,” she announced. “We’ve been invited to Lotus Pier!”

Chapter Text

It turned out that, not only had they been invited to Lotus Pier, but Sect Leader Jiang was coming personally to bring them over once the weather warmed enough for the worst of the snow to melt. That meant they had just a few weeks to ready themselves for a move.

They didn’t have much in terms of physical belongings, so it was mostly tying the few loose ends they had managed to develop in their few months of living in Yiling. For Meng Yao and Wei Ying that just meant gathering their meager belongings so that they were packed and ready to go when Sect Leader Jiang arrived. As he was doing so, Meng Yao vaguely registered that he had no emotional reaction to leaving the place that had been home for the last several months. And perhaps it was because they hadn’t been here for long, but he realized that he had never felt the sense of a home to be missed. 

In his previous life, his first “home” was the brothel, and the fact that he had recurring nightmares about it years after he had left spoke loudly enough on how he felt about it. Then, he had spent years drifting, every place temporary, conditional until he had finally made it to Koi Tower. 

Only to realize that it wasn’t a home either.

First, because his father never let him forget that he was a bastard that was only allowed to remain because of his usefulness. Then, when the damned old man was gone and he had finally reached the heights of power, he couldn’t even get rid of the irrational terror that everything might be torn away from him, that a past sin or a single misstep would rip him away from what he had built. 

Well, he supposed it wasn’t irrational, seeing as that was exactly what happened in the end.

Suffice to say, home was never a concept he had been able to experience in his previous life. He idly wondered if he would ever experience it.

As if hearing his thoughts, Wei Ying mused “I wonder if our new home will be as good as this one.”

You think this ramshackle hut is good? Meng Yao barely stopped himself from saying aloud. Instead, he opted for “You liked this house that much?”

“Yeah! Or, well, it’s not really this house, I guess.”

Meng Yao looked up to frown quizzically at the younger boy. “What do you mean?”

“My parents…” Wei Ying looked subdued for a brief moment, “they were rogue cultivators, so we didn’t stay in one place. I think they were my home until…well, you know. So, it’s not this house, just…this is where I met Yao-ge and Auntie Meng and that’s why I’m going to miss it. But, you guys are coming too, so I’m sure our new home will be great!”

Meng Yao thought about Wei Ying’s words. The boy had a vastly different view on what home was. He supposed it made sense considering how Wei Ying had grown up. Without a physical location to call home, his parents became his sense of home. Perhaps that was how Wei Wuxian had made a home in the Burial Mounds. Such a terrible place couldn’t be considered a home but perhaps Wei Wuxian wasn’t calling the location itself home but rather the small community he had created.

While Meng Yao conceived of home as a place of safety, Wei Ying seemed to see it as a place of community.

“I guess that makes sense,” he finally said. “Though I think our new home will be better. After all, we can train to be cultivators there.”

“Oh, you’re right! Then, it will definitely be good! I want to become the best cultivator ever,” he declared.

You were already well on your way there , Meng  Yao thought to himself, recalling the prestigious reputation Wei Wuxian had earned through sheer talent. “Are you going to be able to sit through the lessons?” Meng Yao teased, knowing full well that Wei Ying hated lectures and always wanted to be doing something.

Wei Ying seemed to realize the same thing and pouted. “Yes,” he said mulishly. “And,” he added, immediately brightening up, “we’ll learn how to fight with swords.”

“You know, you won’t be able to fight with an actual sword right away. You’ll have to start with wooden swords.”

“Aw, really? That’s no fun.”

“Neither is a broken bone, which you’ll get if you try waving around a heavy metal sword without prior training.”

“That’s…” Wei Ying puffed up, looking like he wanted to protest, but then immediately deflated. “Okay, maybe you’re right.”

“Maybe?”

“You’re right, you’re right, no need to rub it in, Yao-ge.”

Meng Yao magnanimously let it go and they continued packing quietly.

Mother didn’t return until the early evening, as their near departure meant that she had to spend a bit more time at work finishing any letters that had been requested. When she returned, she looked tired, but still smiled when she saw them preparing dinner.

“My darling boys,” she said, as she had taken to calling them. “Such considerate gentlemen.”

While they were eating, Meng Yao noticed that Mother didn’t eat much. When he met her eyes with a concerned look, she waved away his worry. “I’m just a little tired, A-Yao, no need to worry.”

But, now that he had noticed it, he realized that she wasn’t eating much at any meal. He tried to brush it off, but the faintest worry lingered.

Several days later, when Mother came home late in the evening, Meng Yao noticed that her face was just noticeably pale. He did his best to write it off as fatigue from work and continued his night as usual, he and Wei Ying helping Mother with dinner and cleaning up. But, then, as he was getting ready for bed, Wei Ying already asleep, he heard a sound that made his blood freeze, the barely suppressed worry surging up into a cold rush of dread. 

His mother coughed, a wet, sharp cough that sounded like it shook her lungs. 

It was an innocuous enough sound, but he knew that sound. It had echoed in his nightmares where he watched his mother wither away in the brothel that trapped her. 

He had thought that leaving the brothel would have prevented her from getting sick, had assumed it was that place and the wear it had caused her body that had led to her illness. 

Hearing that cough again struck terror into Meng Yao, the fear racing through his veins and making his fingers tremble. 

“Mother,” he choked out, trying to school his expression. “You’re…You look sick. You’ve seemed tired for a while. We need…we have to go to a healer.”

Mother gave him a bemused look. “No need for that, A-Yao. I’m just a little tired from today.”

“No! You have to see a healer. You have to.” He couldn’t tell her that this illness would kill her in a few short years-his 9-year-old self had no way of knowing that-but he had to get her to agree. He couldn’t wait, not when he had already had to watch his mother’s slow, painful death.

“Thank you for worrying A-Yao, but I’m fine ,” Mother insisted.

“You’re not ,” Meng Yao responded. How could he get her to understand? 

As he struggled to find words, his mother watched him with a strange look. It was the same look she had given him when he had lied about why he had disappeared for two days and when he had told her about Wei Ying’s parents.

“A-Yao,” she finally said. “What do you know”?

The odd question threw Meng Yao off. She must have noticed his confusion, as she continued. “I know my son is wise beyond his age, something I blame myself for. But, even so, my A-Yao is a young boy and still behaves as such. Or, he used to.”

Meng Yao tensed, realizing that all those times Mother had let his oddities go, she hadn’t written them off. She had suspected something but had kept quiet. It seemed that was no longer the case. Meng’s Yao’s mind raced as he tried to figure out the best way to handle this. “I’m…I’m still me,” he blurted out. It felt like a stupid thing to say but he needed his mother to know that he was still her son.

“I know,” Mother said immediately. “I would always know my son. But, I know him well enough to know when something is strange.”

Meng Yao’s first instinct was to lie, to find some plausible explanation without giving away the truth. But, he looked at the patient expression on his mother’s tired face and he couldn’t find it in himself to do it.

“I am not 9-years-old,” he slowly started. “Not in any way other than the physical. I lived for 35 years. Then I died. And I woke up as a child.”

Mother let out a shaky breath. “I…see.”

“When I woke, I remembered my previous life. Most of it…wasn’t happy. I wanted to change that.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell her any more than that. Something about the thought of telling her what his previous life had been, what he had done , made him feel a sickly sense of shame.

“Did I…get sick?” Mother asked after several moments of heavy silence.

Meng Yao’s eyes jerked up to meet hers. “You believe me?” He had expected resistance to such an outlandish truth, or at least skepticism.

Mother shook her head. “I know my son wouldn’t lie to me.” 

Her faith in his honesty made another wave of shame sweep over him. He brushed it off as best he could to answer her question. “Yes. You got sick. Something in your lungs. We still lived in the brothel but the healers they brought didn’t help. And you…” he trailed off, not wanting to say it aloud.

“I died, didn’t I?” Mother said bluntly. Meng Yao nodded.  “How soon?”

“When I was 14.”

Mother took a deep breath. There was a tremble in her voice when she spoke. “Just a few years, then.”

“No,” Meng Yao protested. “It won’t happen this time! We’ll get you a healer.”

“But if the healers in our old home couldn’t-”

“They weren’t cultivators. We can get you to a better one. They must have skilled healers in Lotus Pier.”

The sound of blankets stirring came from the bed where Wei Ying slept. Or, where Meng Yao thought he had slept. The boy sat up, eyes still sleepy but betraying fear.

His voice was small when he spoke. “Auntie Meng is sick?” 

“Please don’t worry, A-Ying,” Mother assured quickly. “I’m alright.”

“But, Yao-ge said you need a healer.”

“She isn’t very sick yet,” Meng Yao told the boy. “So we have to take her to a healer before it gets worse. We’ll take her to a healer when we go to Lotus Pier. Right, Mother?”

He was tense as he watched her hesitate for a moment, hoping that revealing the truth had been what was necessary to sway her. 

“Yes,” she finally sighed and Meng Yao relaxed with relief. 

Wei Ying still looked worried. Mother must have noticed, as she sat beside him and stroked his hair. He flopped onto her lap, tucking in his face as his hands clutched her robes. “A-Yao,” Mother called, holding out a hand.

Meng Yao went, letting himself be pulled down until he was tucked into her side. She hugged him with her free arm and whispered to them both. “Don’t worry, my darling boys. I’ll be alright.”

{***}

In what felt like no time at all, the weather began to slowly warm and the snow began to melt. When they noticed the snow shrinking away, they packed the rest of their meager belongings, knowing that Sect Leader Jiang would be there soon. And, sure enough, just a few days later, Wei Ying came running inside from where he had been playing and announced “they’re here!”

Several minutes later, a contingent in purple was landing just outside their small home. At their helm was a man with elaborate robes, a weighty headpiece, and gentle eyes. 

Jiang Fengmian.

Meng Yao hadn’t met him in his previous life. He had heard that his daughter looked much like him and the vague sense of familiarity he had when looking at the sect leader’s face gave credence to that.

Mother bowed deeply and Meng Yao and Wei Ying followed suit. 

“Lady Meng,” Sect Leader Jiang greeted. “It is a pleasure to meet you. Your letter was greatly appreciated. We thought Wei Ying was lost with his parents.”

Meng Yao glanced up to see the man looking between him and Wei Ying before his eyes finally settled on his old friend’s son.

“Wei Ying,” he said and the boy looked up to meet his eyes. He stared for several moments before letting out a wry chuckle. “I was unsure if there would be a way to verify his identity. But, it seems there was no need to worry. He looks so much like his father did at this age, though I can see his mother in his eyes.” Wei Ying smiled hesitantly. “Ah, and in his smile, it seems!”

He crouched down, smiling gently at Wei Ying. “A-Ying, do you want to come live in Lotus Pier?”

Meng Yao watched the boy carefully, knowing this would be the first test of the boy’s allegiance. Wei Ying hesitated and inched closer to Mother. 

“Of course, Lady Meng would come, too,” Sect Leader Jiang added, noticing the movement. “She would live in town. You would, of course, be able to visit her as you please.”

“And Yao-ge?”

Sect Leader Jiang glanced over at him. “You are Lady Meng’s son, yes?”

Meng Yao nodded and bowed carefully. “This one is Meng Yao, Sect Leader Jiang.”

“What a polite young man! Young Master Meng is, of course, welcome to join the Jiang Sect. Lady Meng, you said his father was a cultivator?”

Mother nodded. “He has also studied cultivation since he was small.”

“I’m sure he will make a wonderful cultivator.” He turned back to Wei Ying, smiling encouragingly. “Then you’ll have your friend with you in the disciples’ dormitory.”

Wei Ying still looked hesitant, though less so than before. 

“Ah, Sect Leader Jiang,” Meng Yao said, putting his plan into motion. “I am honored to be able to join such a revered sect. However, I cannot stay in the dormitories. My mother is sick.”

“A-Yao,” Mother scolded, but he ignored her.

“Sick?” Sect Leader Jiang looked at Mother with alarm. “Do you need a healer, Lady Meng?”

“She does,” Meng Yao answered on her behalf, knowing it was rude but also knowing that she would minimize the urgency. “And I don’t want to leave her alone in the meantime.”

“I see. That is admirable of you, Young Master Meng. It is out of the ordinary for disciples to not live in the dormitories, but exceptions must be made for certain circumstances. And, of course, we will send her a healer as soon as we arrive at Lotus Pier.”

Meng Yao nodded, feeling the relief of one hurdle cleared. Now, it was just a matter of what Wei Ying would decide. He looked over and saw that the boy seemed to be on the verge of tears.

“I don’t want to stay in the dormitories by myself,” he whispered, reaching out to clutch at Mother’s skirt.

“You won’t be by yourself, A-Ying,” Mother reassured. “You’ll make new friends and you’ll see A-Yao every day.”

“That’s right,” Sect Leader Jiang said. “My son is around your age, I’m sure you’ll be friends in no time. He has dogs that you’d be able to play with.”

Meng Yao nearly smirked when he heard that, knowing that Sect Leader Jiang had just unintentionally ensured that things went exactly as Meng Yao wanted them to.

“Dogs?!” Wei Ying squeaked with utter terror. “No, I don’t…I don’t want to go to Lotus Pier anymore!”

Sect Leader Jiang looked taken aback, utterly confused by what had set the child off so suddenly. Meng Yao spoke with a bow. “Sect Leader Jiang,” he said, keeping a level expression over his internal satisfaction. “A-Ying is scared of dogs. They often chased him when he was living on the streets before we found him.”

“Oh dear,” Sect Leader Jiang said with a frown. “Perhaps I can persuade A-Cheng to send them to live with his mother’s sect.”

Meng Yao was surprised at how easily Sect Leader Jiang spoke of sending away his son’s pets. Presumably, the young Jiang Wanyin was fond of his dogs. Meng Yao imagined he loved them as much as Jin Ling had loved Fairy (he ignored the pang in his heart at the thought of the nephew he had wronged). Yet, his father spoke so easily of taking them away. He suddenly realized that he had just seen a root of Jiang Wanyin’s resentment towards Wei Wuxian in that careless suggestion.

Well, no need for that to happen again. “Can’t A-Ying just live with Mother and I?”

Sect Leader Jiang glanced at Wei Ying, who was still sniffing. “I…suppose so. Then, I’ll make sure A-Cheng keeps his dogs away from the  training field when you’re there.”

“That’s very generous of you, Sect Leader Jiang,” Mother said. She patted Wei Ying’s back and smiled encouragingly when he met her eyes. “Isn’t that better, A-Ying?”

Wei Ying hesitated for a few moments before nodding slowly. 

This time, Meng Yao allowed himself a short moment to smile triumphantly.

Perfect.

{***}

The journey to Lotus Pier was rapid now that they could travel by sword. Wei Ying rode with Sect Leader Jiang, along with Meng Yao, since the younger boy had pulled Meng Yao with him  onto the sword despite the fact that the sect leader had only called for him. Sect Leader Jiang had looked bemused for a moment but accepted it easily. Meanwhile, Mother rode with a cheerful young lady who introduced herself as Xing Yue. 

When they arrived, Sect Leader Jiang had them set up at an inn for the night with the promise of finding them permanent accommodations and sending a healer to Mother the next day. 

“Take tomorrow to get settled,” he told Meng Yao and Wei Ying. “I’ll bring my children to meet you in the afternoon. You’ll start training the day after.”

That night, they all slept deeply, worn out by the day. The next morning, as promised, a healer visited them at the inn. It was a middle-aged woman with a stern voice but kind eyes. She examined Mother, slowly sending a thread of energy through various points in her body. She paused when she got to Mother’s chest. “Ah, here it is,” she announced.

Meng Yao’s shoulders tensed as he awaited the diagnosis. This was what had killed his mother in his previous life. He could only hope it wouldn’t do the same in this one.

“You’re lucky your son caught this early,” the healer said. 

“What is it?” Mother asked, echoing the question that rang in Meng Yao’s head.

“There’s a mass in your lungs,” the healer explained. “There are no mundane treatments for such a thing and even methods using cultivation can’t heal it if it grows too large. When it’s still this small, however, it’s easy enough to dissolve. I can do it now, if you’d like.”

“Please do,” Mother said quickly.

The healer nodded and closed her eyes, fingers lightly gripping Mother’s wrist. At first, Mother didn’t react. Then, she frowned. She hissed and hunched over, hand clutching at her chest.

Meng Yao stepped forward in alarm while Wei Ying worriedly called out “Auntie Meng?”

But, just a moment later, her face cleared and she took a deep breath. “Oh,” she said, seeming a bit startled. “I can breathe.”

“It’s gone,” the healer confirmed. “But, you’ll need to get checked regularly. It can grow back and this treatment doesn’t work if it grows too big. There’s too much to be carried away by your bloodstream once the mass reaches a certain size. We’ll need to make sure to catch it early if it comes back.”

“Yes, of course,” Mother exclaimed, relief clear in her expression. “How often?”

“Once a year should do it. If you feel any symptoms, though, don’t wait.” She looked sternly at Mother until she nodded in understanding. She seemed satisfied with that, as she gathered her belongings and departed without further ado, leaving a quiet, disbelieving relief in her wake.

Wei Ying broke the silence. “Auntie Meng isn’t sick anymore?”

Mother laughed a breathless laugh of relief. “Yes. I’m healed.”

Wei Ying grinned, jumping in place with an exultant shout. Meng Yao was still frozen, a part of him still unable to believe how simple it was (and another part furious at the realization that his mother could have lived in his previous life if his father had cared, if she had just been able to get a healer skilled in cultivation that the Jin Sect could have provided).

“A-Yao,” his mother called, pulling him from his thoughts. “I’m going to be okay.”

Meng Yao stared at her smiling face and felt tears begin to sting his eyes. He let out a wet laugh. “Yes,” he managed to say, throat too tight to say much else.

He didn’t have the chance to anyway, as Wei Ying launched himself at Meng Yao, knocking them both into Mother’s waiting lap.

“Auntie Meng is going to be okay!” The boy was laughing and, despite himself, Meng Yao began to laugh as well.

His mother was going to be okay.

{***}

That afternoon, while Mother was taken to view their newly secured accommodations, they met the Jiang children. 

Jiang Yanli was ten years old and as kind as he remembered her to be. Jiang Wanyin was seven and stared at Wei Ying with heavy skepticism. 

“You’re scared of dogs?” He asked, as if it was an unthinkable concept.

Wei Ying flinched slightly but met the other boy’s eyes. “No,” he said defiantly, obviously unwilling to show weakness before the other boy. “I’m not scared. They’re just scary.”

The Jiang children both stared at him with bemused eyes while Meng Yao had to hide a chuckle at the contradiction that Wei Ying had just confidently announced. 

“Well, my dogs are nice,” Jiang Wanyin declared. “They’re not scary.”

Wei Ying shuffled in place, looking very obviously like he didn’t want to admit that he was scared but also unable to bear the thought of being around dogs. Meng Yao decided to take pity on him. 

“I’m scared of dogs,” he lied, knowing that Wei Ying didn’t want to lose face in front of the other children and uncaring of what they thought of him. “Even the nice ones are scary to me. Please excuse the inconvenience.” He bowed, putting on a deferential act.

“Oh,” Jiang Wanyin said. “Um…it’s okay?”

“What A-Cheng means to say is that he’ll make sure the dogs are kept away when you two are in Lotus Pier. Right, A-Cheng?” Jiang Yanli smiled politely as she effectively forced her brother to comply. Meng Yao could respect that.

“Right,” Jiang Wanyin with a pout.

Jiang Yanli patted his head and the pout slipped away. “Father allowed us to skip training today to show you around. Would you like to join us?”

Wei Ying nearly hopped in place with excitement. “Can you show us the flowers blooming in the lakes?”

Jiang Yanli giggled. “I can show you the lakes but the flowers won’t bloom for a few more weeks.”

“Do you know how to swim?” Jiang Wanyin asked. 

“No,” Wei Ying answered, while Meng Yao shook his head.

“Oh. Well, Father can teach you. He taught me and A-Jie how to swim.”

Wei Ying beamed. “Yay! Will you race me once I learn?”

“Sure, if you’re okay with losing.”

Meng Yao raised a brow as they continued to bicker in much the same way they had when they were older. Though, this banter notably lacked the undercurrent of resentment that their later conversations could never fully shake. 

They spent that afternoon exploring town and visiting the lakes. Jiang Yanli was even able to secure them a boat ride on one of the many lakes. By the time they returned to the inn, Mother was back and she immediately told them to gather their still-packed belongings. “Sect Leader Jiang found us a new home,” she told them.

Their new home turned out to be a cottage by one of the smaller lakes. It was surrounded by wildflowers, the colors varied and vibrant. The wood it was built with shone smoothly with age, though the wear didn’t make it look dilapidated. Instead, it seemed…comfortable. Like well-worn robes that were soft with age.

“So pretty!” Wei Ying declared as he stared at the flowers. “Yao-ge, we should swim there once we learn how,” he said, gesturing to the lake within view of the cottage.

“That would be nice,” Meng Yao commented, knowing the Yunmeng was hot and humid in the summer months and the easy access of a cool lake would be welcome indeed.

That night, as they settled into their new home, Mother spoke quietly to him. “A-Yao, how much have things changed?”

Meng Yao was surprised at first. Mother hadn’t spoken about the revelation of his circumstances since the night he had told her. 

“A lot,” he answered. “I don’t know if there are some things that must be, if there are certain fates. But, things have changed enough that the paths of our lives can no longer take the same shape as they did before. Which is…for the best.”

And, that was true, he knew, and he wished he could be satisfied with a life without the hardships of his first. But, he knew he couldn’t be. Their arrival here was only the first step. He couldn’t be satisfied until he had spited his father with a success that was solely his own, until he had ensured that no one that had hurt him in his previous life could do the same in his new one. Even if he had to stain himself again, he would do it.

There was no use trying to play fair in a world full of inequalities, after all.

He was pulled out of the dark spiral of his thoughts by his mother’s quiet voice. “I suppose you’re right.” She was quiet for a moment, then spoke again. “I had always hoped you would be able to take your rightful place in your father’s sect. Sometimes, that was the only piece of hope I had. But, after leaving the brothel, I’ve had time to reflect and…I don’t know if I ever really believed he would happily recognize you as his son. I think I had to believe it while we were there. But, now…well, I’m glad you insisted that we leave. I might have spent my life foolishly hoping for a far-fetched dream. And, you know what? It’s his loss. I know my A-Yao is a brilliant boy and that you’ll be an amazing cultivator. And I am so proud to have you as my son. Jin Guangshan doesn’t know what he lost. I don’t know what happened in your past-future?-anyway I don’t know what happened before and I know there’s a reason you don’t want to tell me but I hope you know that his neglect is a reflection of him , not you . Do you understand?”

Meng Yao nodded numbly, a sharp lump in his throat. He didn’t know why his mother’s words had fallen so heavily. He knew that his father was an awful person and that he had neglected all of his illegitimate children because he simply couldn’t be bothered to care about them in the slightest. But, a small part of him, even as he watched that damned old man slowly die, had cried for his father’s approval, had whispered that there was something wrong with him for his father to reject him so coldly.

And that was something much of the world had thought as well. How many times had he heard that his father was doing him a favor in even allowing him to be a servant of the sect? How many times had he heard that he had risen above his rightful station? 

He hadn’t realized how much it would mean for someone, for his mother, to simply say what he knew, to assure that small part in him that it wasn’t him, it had never been him, that it was Jin Guangshan who was deficient in love and not him who was unworthy of it.

Meng Yao dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, willing the tears to subside. 

“My poor, A-Yao,” his mother said, gently stroking his hair. “I know you’re a good boy. Or, I suppose a great man. I’m sorry you ever had to doubt that.”

But I wasn’t, he wanted to say. I wasn’t good. 

He didn’t regret what he had done to survive. He couldn’t regret it when the choice was so often destruction or damnation. He had chosen damnation so many times but he had to if he wanted to live, to prove to the world that they were wrong about him.

But, in that moment, a pebble of guilt, of shame settled in his gut.

{***}

The first day of training ended up being more of a day of learning where everything was and when each lesson would be. For the most part, it was fairly uninteresting, as they weren’t yet taking part in any of the actual lessons.

Except when they were met with Madame Yu as Jiang Yanli showed them where sword training took place.

As with her husband, Meng Yao had never met her in his previous life. And, from what he had heard of her, he was probably fortunate to have avoided the dubious honor. 

Meng Yao and Wei Ying bowed in greeting while she glared at them. When they rose, her eyes landed on Meng Yao. 

“You're the Meng woman’s son?” Meng Yao frowned but nodded. “Then, I suppose I have you to thank for making sure I didn’t have a pest in my home.” She glared at Wei Ying as she said this.

Wei Ying’s previously cheerful expression faded and he shuffled closer to Meng Yao. 

“Mother, A-Ying is-”

“Hush, A-Li. Why are you showing him around like a servant? He will have to learn just as the other disciples.” She stared at Wei Ying for a moment before scoffing. “Your eyes are just like your mother’s.” 

It didn’t sound like a compliment. Out of the corner of his eye, Meng Yao saw Wei Ying’s fists clench. He refrained from arguing, though, which was probably a good idea.

“A-Li, return to your lessons. He doesn’t need special treatment. He’s just the son of a servant, after all.”

Meng Yao heard a roaring in his ears. It might have been because the spiteful ‘ son of a servant ’ sounded much too similar to a derogatory ‘ son of a whore .’ It might have been because that derisive tone was far too familiar. It might have been because the barely concealed look of disgust on Madame Yu’s face reminded him of a look he had seen far too many times.

Or it might have been the sheen of tears in Wei Ying’s eyes.

“Madame Yu,” he heard himself say. “Pardon me for saying, but A-Ying’s parents were respected cultivators. He’s not just anything.”

Madame Yu looked shocked for a moment, then fury clouded her expression. “You-”

“And Young Mistress Jiang has been a gracious hostess. She will surely be a boon to any sect that is lucky enough to have her.”

That stopped Madame Yu short. She couldn’t protest his words when they came with a compliment for her daughter. She knew that and she was furious.

“Of course she will be,” Madame Yu eventually snapped. “A-Li, go to your lessons. You two,” she glared at him and Wei Ying. “Report to field training. Such scrawny brats won’t be able to cultivate a flicker.”

With that, she stormed off. Meng Yao watched her go, realizing that he had probably made an enemy and cursing himself for letting his anger get the better of him.

Then, he felt a tug on his sleeve. “Thank you, Yao-ge,” Wei Ying whispered.

And he couldn’t find it in himself to regret his decision.

{***}

Training with the Jiang Sect was a new experience for Meng Yao. 

The first sect he had received genuine training from was the Nie Sect and their cultivation style was soaked in blood-thirsty aggression, which he had never been able to master. The cultivation of the Jin Sect was entirely focused on flamboyant moves that showed off the strength of one’s cultivation, which hadn’t worked for him with his stunted golden core.

(The Lan Sect was controlled and elegant, moving like water and wasting no movements, epitomized by the skills of their future sect leader).

Meanwhile, the Jiang Sect’s style was quick and sharp, using more coordinated movements than the other sects. 

Wei Ying took to it so quickly, Meng Yao wondered if Wei Ying had somehow gained the muscle memory of Wei Wuxian. On the other hand, Meng Yao was in an odd place of having to overwrite the ghost of his own muscle memory. He often found himself having to reel back an aggressive strike that was more reminiscent of the Nie style or having to remind himself to not make any unnecessary motions characteristic of the Jin Sect’s showy moves.

At the same time, he had been slowly nurturing his golden core with the knowledge of his first life and it was already stronger than his core had been well into his teens in his previous life. So, while ridding himself of old habits was a struggle, picking up the new skills was not.

Yet, the lessons were mind-numbingly boring, as he was forced to sit through classes for beginners. Wei Ying quickly became bored with them as well, having already learned much of the basics from his insatiable curiosity during his lessons with Meng Yao in Yiling. 

Jiang Wanyin noticed their disinterest and, a few days into their lessons, asked “did you guys already learn all this?”

“Yup,” Wei Ying answered, seeming glad to be able to move around after having to sit still for an hour. 

“How? You weren’t with another sect before coming here, right?”

“No, this is the first sect we’ve been to, You want to know the secret?” Wei Ying lowered his voice, as if he really had an intriguing secret to tell. Jiang Wanyin nodded, eyes wide with intrigue. “It’s simple. Yao-ge is super smart. He taught me everything.”

Jiang Wanyin looked over at him with a frown, the look remarkably reminiscent of the contant scowl he would grow up to have. “And how did you learn all that?”

Meng Yao shrugged carelessly, not particularly interested in getting pulled into the childish bickering that the other two frequently fell into. “My mother brought me books.”

“Oh.” He let it go for the moment but, a couple of days later, Meng Yao heard the boy hesitatingly ask Wei Ying to help him with something he didn’t understand. After that, Wei Ying seemed to be naturally absorbed into the Jiang Sect, spending much of his time outside of lessons and training playing with Jiang Wanyin and the other disciples his age.

Meng Yao, meanwhile, spent most of his free time in the library, uninterested in spending time with a group of children, regardless of his physical age. Much of the knowledge of the Jiang Sect has been lost with the burning of Lotus Pier in his previous life, so he wasn’t missing the opportunity to learn about it now. Wei Ying would check in with him every so often, as if he needed to make sure he was still there before trotting along with his friends. On the occasions when Jiang Wanyin wanted to take his dogs out, though they were usually kept in the residential area while they were in Lotus Pier, Wei Ying would opt to sit in the library with him. 

And so they quickly fell into a routine. They would eat breakfast with Mother before walking to Lotus Pier in time for the first lessons of the day. They would spend most of the day in Lotus Pier, attending lessons and training and occupying themselves between each. Then, when everyone else was preparing to go to dinner, they would return home to have dinner with Mother.

Being within a sect allowed Meng Yao to keep an ear out for any significant events. He knew that, in his previous life, the slow conquest of the Wens had begun with what should have been Wen Xu’s first conquest. But, with that stopped, it seems the Wen war machine had stalled. The earliest skirmishes that had occurred just…didn’t happen. He knew it wouldn’t last forever but he was relieved that his rash actions had actually managed to buy him significant time. The longer it took for Wen Ruohan to resume his conquests, the older Meng Yao would be and the more effectively he would be able to act.

So, he kept his ear to the ground and took the opportunity to focus on growing his cultivation. 

Just as they had settled into a comfortable pattern, they heard that there would be visitors to Lotus Pier. 

“Some people from the Lan Sect are coming today,” Jiang Wanyin told them off-handedly during a break in training. “They’re going to talk to Father about trading or something.”

Meng Yao’s heart skipped a beat but he brushed it off immediately. Just because a delegation from the Lan Sect was coming, that didn’t mean Lan Xichen would be part of it. He was only around eleven years old and he wasn’t likely to be part of a visit about trade routes. 

So, he went about his day, ignoring the ache in his heart. 

As training wrapped up before lunch, he noticed the approaching figures in the sky, a contingent of white and blue. They landed before the gates of Lotus Pier, where they were likely greeted by Sect Leader Jiang.

“Hey, let’s go see them,” Wei Ying whispered to him, tugging at his arm. 

Meng Yao followed, heart thudding at the thought of seeing familiar white robes, even though he knew Lan Xichen wouldn’t be among them. He had to keep reminding himself as they got closer.

But, then they were close enough to see the white-clad figures. And he saw that there were two smaller ones among them, both wearing a cloud-patterned ribbon that denoted their status as members of the main clan.

He froze, pulling Wei Ying to a stop as well. He stared at the taller of the two smaller figures, heart speeding up as the boy’s head turned to glance over at them.

He gazed into warm amber eyes that held no familiarity and drowned in the wave of grief and regret and joy and love as his heart both throbbed and sang.

Lan Xichen was here.

Chapter Text

Yao-ge had been acting strange since they saw the people in white that morning.

There were two boys with them, one with a gentle smile, the other with striking gold eyes. Yao-ge had stared at the smiling one until he had disappeared into the meeting hall. When Wei Ying had shifted to get a look at Yao-ge’s face, he was startled to find him crying.

Yao-ge had brushed him off, saying that he just had something in his eyes. When Wei Ying had pressed him, he had reluctantly admitted “I know that boy. I haven’t met him yet but I know him.”

It was a strange answer but Wei Ying had remembered the secret that Yao-ge had told him, that he knew parts of the future, and so he figured out that Yao-ge must have seen the boy in his knowledge of the future.

Since then, Yao-ge had seemed really sad about it, distracted and solemn during their afternoon training. So, Wei Ying decided that the had a mission. He was going to make sure Yao-ge and the smiling boy became friends!

He heard from Shijie, as Jiang Yanli said he could call her, that the group in white-the Lans-would be staying for two nights. That meant he had to work quickly!

After training, Wei Ying tugged at Yao-ge’s arm, stopping him from heading home. “Yao-ge, come on!”

He tugged Yao-ge along. Yao-ge protested, asking “where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” Wei Ying declared.

Yao-ge huffed but followed without further complaint. Until they neared the meeting hall. He stopped suddenly, refusing to move even when Wei Ying tugged at him. “A-Ying, where do you want to go?” he asked suspiciously. 

Wei Ying smiled innocently, knowing Yao-ge wasn’t going to like his answer. “Let’s sneak into the meeting!”

Yao-ge frowned at him with slight confusion. “Why?”

“Don’t you think it could be interesting?”

“They’re…discussing trade routes.”

“Not what they’re talking about! Don’t you want to see the boy you know?”

That made Yao-ge clam up, shoulders tensing. “I’m sure they’re here to learn diplomacy, not play around.”

Wei Ying pouted. He could tell Yao-ge wanted to see the smiling boy, so why was he being so difficult?

“But, they won’t be in meetings all day! It’s already almost time for dinner, they’ll probably stop soon. Why can’t they play with us then?”

“We have to get home to Mother.”

“Not yet. She only says come back before dark. It won’t be dark for a while.”

Yao-ge sighed. “A-Ying, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Wei Ying huffed. “I know you want to see him.”

Yao-ge’s eyes sharpened, face shuttering. “Do you?”

“Yes,” Wei Ying said confidently. “You said you know him from the future-”

Yao-ge jumped towards him, covering his mouth with a small hand. “ Don’t talk about that,” he hissed. “No once can know.”

Wei Ying started at Yao-ge with wide eyes, startled by the sudden fierceness, but he nodded regardless. Yao-ge let him go after a moment of examining carefully. 

Wei Ying continued, undeterred. “But, I’m right, aren’t I?”

Yao-ge glared at him, but he answered sullenly. “Yes.”

Wei Ying hopped in place excitedly. “Then, you should become friends!”

Yao-ge sighed. “I don’t-”

“Excuse me,” came a voice from nearby. Wei Ying looked over his shoulder and saw the two boys in white. The older one was similing gently, looking between them with amber eyes. The younger one wore a serious expression, even as his hand clutched at the older boy’s sleeve. Wei Ying stared at the younger boy for a moment, finding such a serious look on the face of a child his age to be strange. Did this young boy not smile?

His eyes went back to the older boy when he continued to speak. “Our uncle excused us while they finish their meeting, but we haven’t been shown our rooms. Do you know where they would be?”

Wei Ying glanced at Yao-ge and found him staring at the older boy in white, face pale.

“Um,” he started, realizing Yao-ge wasn’t going to speak. “We can take you to shijie-uh, Jiang Yanli. She would know where your rooms are.”

The older boy in white nodded. “Thank you…”

“Oh, Wei Ying. And this is Meng Yao.” Wei Ying elbowed Yao-ge as he dipped into a bow, startling the other boy into awareness. Yao-ge hurriedly bowed as well.

“Lan Huan, courtesy Xichen,” the older boy said with a bow in return. “And this is my little brother Lan Zhan, courtesy Wangji.”

While they boys in white-Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji-bowed, the tails of their forehead ribbons briefly fell forward, drawing Wei Ying’s attention. He spoke before he could fully think about his question. “Why are you wearing those ribbons?”

“A-Ying!” Yao-ge hissed.

“It’s fine,” Lan Xichen interjected. “We’re from the Lan Sect, Young Master Wei. We all wear these forehead ribbons as a symbol of self-discipline.”

Now that Lan Xichen said it, it sounded familiar. He thought he remembered Yao-ge saying something about this with a wistful expression on his face. “Oh, yeah, I remember! Is it true that only family can touch your ribbons.?”

Lan Wangji, sucked in a breath, as if shocked by the question. He glared at Wei Ying, who tilted his head in confusion. Had the question be so offensive?

“Yes, it’s true,” Lan Xichen answered, looking unbothered in comparison. Wei Ying had to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at Lan Wangji as if to say see, you don’t have to be so mad .

“It seems you have some knowledge about the Lan Sect,” Lan Xichen continued.

Wei Ying grinned, seeing an opening “Yeah, Yao-ge taught me. He's super smart. He knows everything!”

Lan Xichen’s eyes moved to Yao-ge, who froze. “Is that so?”

Yao-ge’s shoulders were tense, but he managed to respond. “A-Ying flatters too much,” he said. “I’ve just had ample opportunity to read.”

“I see. A-Zhan-”

“ Brother ,” Lan Wangji said, speaking for the first time.

“Ah, sorry. Wangji and I are quite fond of reading as well, Wangji even more so than I. The Lan Sect respects scholars of all kinds, including ones like you, Young Master Meng.”

Yao-ge flinched slightly, though Wei Ying wasn’t sure why. “We’ll show you the way to Young Maiden Jiang,” he said, as if trying to change the subject.

“Oh, thank you.” Lan Xichen looked surprised when Yao-ge abruptly turned around and began to walk away. Wei Ying stared after him, somewhat shocked by Yao-ge’s abrubtness when he was normally so carefully polite.

Despite his moment of surprise, Lan Xichen began to follow Yao-ge, hurrying a bit to catch up. His brother lagged behind, not as fast as the older boy. Wei Ying fell into step with Lan Wangji, trying to get Yao-ge to have the chance to talk to Lan Xichen alone. 

“Hey,” he said, trying to be friendly with the stone-faced boy. “Do you want to play together sometime?”

“No,” Lan Wangji said without hesitation.

Wei Ying frowned, offended by the quickness of the response. So mean , he thought to himself. Does he dislike me? Did I do something to offend him ? Surely the question about the ribbons couldn’t have been so bad as to earn such dislike.

“You two should come to our house,” Wei Ying tried again. “We live by a small lake that has lots of little fish.”

Lan Wangji paused. “You…do not live here?”

“No, Yao-ge and I live with Auntie Meng, Yao-ge’s mother.”

Lan Wangji’s eyes dropped to the disciple robes that Wei Ying wore, ones that he had just gotten a couple of days ago. The movement helped Wei Ying understand Lan Wangji’s confusion.

“We’re both disciples but Auntie Meng is sick, so Yao-ge didn’t want her to live alone and I didn’t want to live away from both of them. So, we live together.”

Another pause. “But, you are not brothers?”

“No. Well, Yao-ge is like my brother. But Auntie Meng isn’t my mom. My parents…” Wei Ying paused, a wave of sadness briefly passing him. “...they went on a night hunt and didn’t come back. Then, Yao-ge found me.”

Lan Wangji looked at him with serious, gold eyes for a few moments and Wei Ying knew he drew the logical conclusion. “I understand,” he said simply. 

Wei Ying smiled at the simple acceptance. Lan Wangji was nicer than his serious face made him seem. “So, do you want to come?”

Lan Wangji hesitated this time. “We are required to attend the meetings,” he said. 

“But the meetings won’t take up the whole day, right? You can come during a break? Or after?”

Lan Xichen must have been listening in, as he spoke now. “I can ask Uncle if we can go after the meetings conclude tomorrow. That is,” he spoke now to Yao-ge, “if it won’t be an imposition.”

“No, not at all,” Yao-ge responded, seeming to find it difficult to fully meet Lan Xichen’s eyes. “You’re welcome to visit.”

Wei Ying beamed, inordinately excited about the visit. Yao-ge would have more time to be friends with Lan Xichen and maybe Lan Wangji would want to be Wei Ying’s friend. Now that Wei Ying knew he wasn’t mean-he supposed Lan Wangji’s face was just like that-he wanted to be friends with the serious boy.

They reached Jiang Yanli then, who greeted the Lan brothers with an impeccable bow. “Of course,” she said when they explained their request, “please follow me to your rooms.”

They parted then and Wei Ying and Yao-ge began to head home. Yao-ge was quiet but Wei Ying was dying of curiousity, so he decided to break the silence once they left the bounds of Lotus Pier.

“Did you get to talk to Young Master Lan?”

That earned him a glare. “Did you walk behind us on purpose?”

Oops. “Um…yes,” he admitted.

Yao-ge sighed. “A-Ying, don’t interfere.”

“But, I know you wanted to talk to him!”

“It’s probably not a good idea for us to talk. Lan Xichen is good. So good that some might take advantage of it.”

Wei Ying frowned at the cryptic comment. “Is this one of the futu- ah, you know, one of those things?”

Yao-ge gave him an unimpressed look but he didn’t comment at Wei Ying’s pititul attempt to cover up his mistake. “Yes. So, please listen to me and don’t continue with this.”

Why would Yao-ge be so reluctant to speak with Lan Xichen? Yao-ge had said something that made it seem like someone would try to take advantage of Lan Xichen in some way in the future, but what did that have to do with Yao-ge not talking to him?

“Do…will you do something to Lan Xichen?” It didn’t make any sense to him that he would. Yao-ge seemed to like Lan Xichen despite his odd behavior. Why would he hurt him in the future?

“ No ,” Yao-ge protested. “I won’t, not again.” Wei Ying frowned slightly at the strange wording, but then Yao-ge continued. “In a future, I…something happened. But I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen this time.”

“Then, why don’t you want to talk to him?”

“I don’t want to take the risk.”

Wei Ying still didn’t understand. What risk was there if Yao-ge had decided not to do anything mean to Lan Xichen? He said as much to Yao-ge.

Yao-ge shook his head. “You don’t understand. I did bad things in the future I know. I don’t want to take the chance.”

“But you don’t want to do bad things,” Wei Ying said, sure of the truth of his statement. 

“No, but sometimes circumstances take that choice away.”

Wei Ying huffed. “Yao-ge, you think too much. If you don’t want to do bad things and you already decided you won’t, then you won’t. Isn’t it that simple?”

“I…” Yao-ge paused. “No, it’s not . I’m…I’m not good. I’m corrupted. I can’t trust that I won’t do anything to Lan Xichen if it means saving myself.”

That made Wei Ying stop, stomping his foot. “Yao-ge is good.” Yao-ge looked like he wanted to protest but Wei Ying ignored it, continuing. “And, anyway, what’s bad about trying to save yourself? Isn’t that normal? You just have to try not to hurt anyone if you don’t have to.”

Yao-ge is quiet for several moments. “I’m not good,” he repeated, as if stuck on that single point.

Wei Ying wanted to shake him. “You are,” he insisted. “You’re nice to me and you saved that clan and you worry about Auntie Meng and I know you fed the cat that lived around our old house and…and, you are good.”

Wei Ying glared at Yao-ge, daring him to protest. He looked like he wanted to, but then he huffed, looking away. “If you say so,” he finally said, continuing to walk home.

“I do say so,” Wei Ying insisted, following Yao-ge. When they reached the cottage, Wei Ying ran through the door and excitedly announced to Auntie Meng “we’re going to have guests !”

“Oh?” Auntie Meng said with a curious smile. “Is Young Master Jiang visiting again?”

“Nope, someone new. Two someones. Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji.”

Auntie Meng glanced at Yao-ge with a questioning look. “The two young masters of the Lan Clan,” Yao-ge told her.

She raised a brow in surprise. “Such prestigious guests. Of course, they are welcome to visit.”

Wei Ying beamed and looked over at Yao-ge with excitement. 

His mission was becoming a resounding success!

{***}

Meng Yao’s dreams were restless that night. He dreamed of rage-filled screams and cold arms pulling him into the dark. He dreamed of pained cries born of learning unspeakable knowledge and condemning eyes watching him. He dreamed of standing amongst corpses whose blank eyes seemed to stare at him with accusation.

He dreamed of amber eyes whose gaze burned into him with grief and betrayal.

Suffice to say, he woke up exhausted.

Wei Ying had to practically drag him to Lotus Pier for training, the poor night’s sleep weighing on his limbs.

That entire afternoon, he was distracted. Part of him was still in disbelief at the unexpected reunion. It seemed at once a stroke of luck and a coincidence intended to shake him to his core.

Those amber eyes and gentle smile were the same. He was just as kind at eleven as he would be when he grew into a young man. So much of him was familiar.

Yet, he wasn’t the young man that Meng Yao had first met. His shoulders were still narrow, his cheeks still held the slightest roundness of childhood, his hands were still smooth and lacked the callouses of a swordsman. He was at once awed at seeing Lan Xichen at an age he had never seen in his previous life and grieved at the strange loss of the Lan Xichen had known despite his continued existence in his new life.

Beyond that, he was terrified. 

He had intentionally decided against going to Gusu because he knew that seeing him again would make him falter. He had a goal he needed to achieve, to climb him way to prestige and ensure those who had sought to hurt him in his first life would never have the opportunity in this one. He had just begin planning his next step in tracking down the young Xue Yang - with Meng Yao recently turned physically ten, that meant Xue Yang was just past toddler age - and keeping tabs on him as a precaution. 

But seeing Lan Xichen scrambled his priorities. A small part of him was screaming to forget all he wanted to achieve, forget the world and those within it that would take him away from the one he loved. That part of him had constantly whispered to him in his first life. It had made him dream of what his life could be if he abandoned his ambitions and all that strings he had tied himself to in his efforts to scrape together enough power to keep himself safe, if he just left everything behind and accepted the place Lan Xichen had offered him in his life during a quiet moment when Meng Yao was still simply an expelled former member of the Nie Sect.

Lan Xichen had always made him want to leave everything behind for the chance to stay beside him.

But, he couldn’t do that now, just as he couldn’t in his first life. Before, he couldn’t because he had already tied himself to his ambitions and was too far down his path to turn back. Now, he couldn’t do it for reasons of pure practicality. Not only because he had just tied himself, at least for now, to another sect, but for the simple reality that Lan Xichen didn’t know him.

And that pierced his heart far deeper than he had expected. Seeing familiar amber eyes look at him with no pleased recognition, no gentle welcome…it hurt.

And because of a certain meddling child, he had to spend an evening trying to behave with some sense of normalcy while the greatest love of his first life and his recalcitrant younger brother were there.

When they were finished with the last lecture in the late afternoon, they found the Lan brothers waiting near the door to the lecture hall. Wei Ying gripped Meng Yao’s shoulder, shaking him with excitement. Meng Yao shrugged his hand off, hissing at him “calm down!”

“Young Master Wei, Young Master Meng,” Lan Xichen greeted.

Meng Yao shakily bowed in greeting and could barely manage to meet Lan Xichen’s eyes when he rose.

“I hope it’s alright that we came here. Uncle allowed us to leave early with the discussions going smoothly.”

“Of course,” Meng Yao managed to say. “We’re glad to see you.” He wasn’t sure how true his statement was and he didn’t have time to ponder it. Wei Ying skipped forward and grinned at the Lan brothers before his eyes fell on Lan Wangji. 

“Hey, Lan Wangji, come on! You have to try feeding the fish. Whenever someone walks into the lake, they swim around and wait for food, it’s so cute!”

“Mn,” Lan Wangji said, though he only followed when he saw that his older brother was also moving.

Wei Ying trotted ahead, Lan Wangji trailing behind him. Lan Xichen slowed after a few steps, glancing back at Meng Yao. 

“Young Master Meng?”

Hearing the name made Meng Yao’s heart squeeze. He hadn’t heard it since before he had become Jin Guangyao in his previous life. In his weakest moments, he missed his old name even though he had worked so hard to shed it.

He shook off his thoughts and smiled weakly at Lan Xichen. “I’m coming,” he said, and hurried onward.

They walked in silence a few steps behind the younger boys. Wei Ying babbled in front of them to a silent Lan Wangji.

After several moments, Lan Xichen spoke. “Is your mother well?”

Meng Yao startled. “My mother?”

“Ah, my apologies. Wangji mentioned to me that your mother is ill. I believe Young Master Wei told him.”

Meng Yao sighed. For someone who had kept secrets for decades-to death and beyond-Wei Ying really had a big mouth.

“She’s well,” he answered off-handedly. “She was able to see a healer. But, she’ll need to be careful, as her illness could come back.”

“I see. I’m glad to hear she’s well.”

Suddenly, Meng Yao realized that this would be the first time Lan Xichen met Meng Yao’s mother. By the time he had met Lan Xichen in his first life, Meng Shi was already dead. 

He had always wondered what his mother would have though of Lan Xichen. He supposed he would find out now.

“How have the meetings been?” Meng Yao ventured to ask. 

“Good,” Lan Xichen said with full confidence, only to undermine it immediately after. “I think? Uncle looks pleased.”

Meng Yao chuckled despite himself. “Is this the first time you’ve attended such meetings?”

“Outside of the Cloud Recesses, yes. I’ve learned the workings of the Lan Sect but it seems I still have much to learn about intersect business.”

“Decisions within a sect are a matter of compromise to attain the same goal. Decisions between sects are a battle between two divergent goals. Only one ends with everyone satisfied.”

Meng Yao noticed Lan Xichen’s wide-eyed stare and internally cursed as he realized his mistake. “At least, that’s how I understand it from the outside looking in,” he continued, trying to do some damage control. 

Lan Xichen stared for another moment, then smiled. “You have a good eye, then. I’ve never seen Uncle so politely combative as I did with Sect Leader Jiang about trade routes along the river.”

I suppose that’s where you learned it from , Meng Yao thought wryly, remembering an older Lan Xichen smiling politely as he stubbornly dug his heels in over the provisions of a trade agreement. 

“We’re here,” Wei Ying shouted in front of them, grabbing Lan Wangji’s sleeve and pulling him along in a run.

Lan Wangji looked back and his brother with widened eyes. Lan Xichen simply smiled and waved him along. “Young Master Wei seems to be very friendly. Wangji has always been so shy but I hope he and Young Master Wei can become friends.”

Meng Yao nearly snorted. Friends was putting it mildly, considering they found the time to declare their love when he was…

The thought immediately erased any amusement he felt. 

That’s right, he had…

He stared at the laughing child running in front of him and was suddenly cold with horror. 

He had meant to kill the man that child would become. He had killed him, or at least had a hand in bringing about his death.

“Young Master Meng? Are you alright?”

He barely registered the question. “I’m fine,” he said mechanically, vaguely noting the worried expression on Lan Xichen’s face.

You’re good , Wei Ying had insisted just the day before.

If only you knew , Meng Yao thought with derision. I pulled the strings to help drive you to death and nearly killed you again when you returned against all odds. 

He had done it without remorse, because it was what he had to do to stay in his father’s favor, to slowly climb his way to power. It was what was necessary. He still believed so.

Yet, that didn’t stop the unexpected weight of the guilt, the shame that settled heavily in his gut, making him want to throw up.

“Are you sure? You seem pale,” Lan Xichen insisted.

“Yes, I’m really fine,” Meng Yao responded distractedly, mind whirring with the realization of what he had done to someone who was now important to him in his effort to become and remain Jin Guangyao. 

How could he pretend to be a pseudo-brother to the child when he had not only looked on but subtly encouraged it when the world turned against him, even though he knew that Wei Wuxian was one of the few in the cultivation world that had ironclad morals and a backbone to stand up for them? A small part of him had admired that, but most of him had looked down at Wei Wuxian for allowing himself to be destroyed for the sake of his morals when he could of lived a comfortable life as the first disciple of a major sect.

Wei Ying had insisted on his goodness but Meng Yao knew how easily he brushed away morality when it came to survival.

How could he look Wei Ying in the eyes?

In his distraction, he tripped over his own feet and he braced himself for a fall.

But, then a pair of hands caught him by the arms.

“Meng Yao!”

The name sent a bolt of lightning through him and he looked up into amber eyes that gazed back with concern. 

Meng Yao…

That’s right. He was Meng Yao now. 

Jin Guangyao didn’t exist yet. He would never exist now that he had abandoned his goal of joining the Jin Sect. 

All those things he had done to become Jin Guangyao, to maintain his position under that name, he didn’t need to do them . He didn’t need to commit horrors to gain his father’s approval. He didn’t need to silence anyone that knew of the darkness that rotted his soul.

Maybe he could ensure that it wasn’t only the name that was stricken from the future, but all of the shadows and demons that clung to it.

He had already decided that he would find his own path to prestige, that he would ensure that those who hurt him in his first life couldn’t hurt him again, that the small goup of people he cared about would remain safe.

And maybe the circle of those he would try to protect had grown just a little larger.

He smiled and said with greater sincerity this time. “I’m fine, Young Master Lan.”

Lan Xichen blinked, staring blankly for a few seconds. “That’s, ah, good to hear. Oh, I apologize for taking such liberties earlier.”

Meng Yao had to think for a second before he realized what Lan Xichen was talking about. “There’s no need to apologize. Please feel free to use my name if you’d like.” He wanted nothing more than to hear Lan Xichen call his name as he had before.

“Alright, then please return the favor in kind. Lan Xichen is fine.”

Meng Yao’s heart tripped and he had to suppress a flush in his cheeks. “Then, Lan Xichen, I think our little brothers have gotten too far ahead. We should catch up.”

With that, they finally began to follow after Wei Ying and Lan Wangji, who were at the shore of the lake. Wei Ying was already barefoot and in the water, giggling at the fish surrounding him. Lan Wangji stood to the side, carefully out of reach of the water but watching the fish with mesmerized eyes.

“A-Ying,” Meng Yao called. “You should get out before they start biting your toes.”

“But I like it when they do that. It tickles!”

“You say that until one of them bites a little too hard and you end up with a bleeding foot. Come on, Mother’s waiting.”

“Okay,” Wei Ying acquiesced with a disappointed pout. He waded back to the share, not bothering to put his shoes back on. He carried them with him and they made their way to the cottage.

“Mother, we’re here,” Meng Yao announced as they entered the cottage. 

Mother looked up as she was mending a robe, eyes falling on the newcomers. “Hello,” she said cheerily. She smiled when the Lan brothers bowed precisely. “Such gentleman! A-Yao tells me you are the young masters of the Lan Sect.”

Lan Xichen nodded and introduced himself and his brother, who was as silent as usual. “Thank you for having us,” he continued. 

“Of course, friends of A-Yao and A-Ying are always welcome. If you’re hungry, I’ve made some soup.”

Lan Xichen shook his head. “Thank you, but our uncle is expecting us back for dinner.”

“Mother, we’ll be outside,” Meng Yao interjected. 

“Alright,” she replied, glancing over at him with a twinkle in her eyes. He narrowed his eyes, suspicious of the gleeful look, and ushered the other boys away. 

Once they went outside, Meng Yao and Lan Xichen took a seat a few feet away from the lake’s shore. Wei Ying, meanwhile, made to run back into the water. “A-Ying,” Meng Yao warned. 

Wei Ying pouted but stopped. “Fine,” he muttered. A moment later, his eyes brightened. He dug into his pocket and pulled something out. “Hey, Lan Wangji, look at this,” he said excitedly, showing the other child the wooden puzzle he had been entranced by since he saw it at the market. “Here, see if you can figure out how to take it apart.”

Lan Wangji took the puzzle and studied it, tugging at it experimentally. He turned it in his hands a few times, glancing up questioningly at Wei Ying, who grinned back. “Do you want a hint? It took me a while to figure it out.”

Lan Wangji considered for a moment. “No,” he finally said decisively, turning back to the puzzle.

Lan Xichen chuckled from beside Meng Yao. “Young Master Wei is impressive to get Wangji to play along. He usually doesn’t like to play with other children.”

“A-Ying has his unique charm,” Meng Yao said. “Or perhaps it can be considered stubborn optimism.”

Lan Xichen chuckled. “Not a bad quality to have.”

You have your own brand of it , Meng Yao thought sardonically. “No, but a dose of skepticism is necessary.”

“I suppose that is true. I’m not very good at that, I’m afraid. I have more hope than is wise, I know.”

Meng Yao’s heart squeezed. I know. That’s what made you so different from me. It’s why I love you . “It’s the opposite for me. It seems we sit at opposing extremes.”

“Then, we can teach each other,” Lan Xichen said with a determined look. “Teach me to be more wary and I’ll teach you to hold more hope.”

Meng Yao stared at the gentle amber eyes that looked at him with quiet resolution and, for a moment, he saw another Lan Xichen in front of him, an older Lan Xichen that had disregarded his own injuries in his determination to return to his sect and find his brother. The ache in his heart nearly took his breath away. 

“Okay.”

The word slipped out without conscious thought. After all, how could he deny Lan Xichen anything when he gazed at him with those sincere amber eyes? He had only done it once and it was one of his greatest regrets in a steadily growing pile.

“Are you friends now?” Wei Ying’s voice piped up, starting Meng Yao with its proximity. Wei Ying stood next to him, looking at him with eager eyes. Lan Wangji was a few steps behind him, watching on with his characteristically blank expression, the solved puzzle in hand. 

“Um-” Meng Yao started.

“Yes,” Lan Xichen said simply.

“Yay! I knew you would be friends,” Wei Ying cheered.

“A-Ying!” Meng Yao reproached.

“What? Isn’t it good?”

Meng Yao glared half-heartedly for a moment before rolling his eyes. “Yes,” he admitted reluctantly to Wei Ying. To Lan Xichen, he smiled tentatively. “It’s an honor to be considered among your friends.”

Lan Xichen grinned. “Likewise.

Meng Yao’s breath caught in his chest and he stared, marveling at amber eyes that suddenly looked more like what he remembered, that unsettling lack of familiarity no longer there.

Without restraint, with exhilaration in his veins, he smiled back. 

{***}

Wei Ying was so happy that Yao-ge had made a friend!

Meng Yao was usually alone if he wasn’t there and, even though he didn’t act bothered, Wei Ying couldn’t help but worry about Yao-ge feeling lonely.

 When the Lan brothers were preparing to return for dinner last night, he heard Lan Xichen quietly ask Yao-ge if he could write to him. Meng Yao had smiled shyly and agreed and Wei Ying had beamed and leaned in to Lan Wangji, who watched him warily. 

“Hey, we should write to each other too,” he had whispered. 

“Mn,” Lan Wangji had answered noncommittally, which Wei Ying had taken as a yes. 

The rest of the night, Yao-ge had a small smile on his face. Auntie Meng had noticed too, smiling at him and asking “you really like Young Master Lan, don’t you?”

Yao-ge had groaned a bit at the teasing but his red cheeks were enough of an answer. 

“Well, I liked him as well,” Auntie Meng had continued. “Both of them. Such gentleman and so mature for their ages.”

And Wei Ying agreed wholeheartedly! Lan Xichen was so nice and friendly and Lan Wangji was so quiet and unexpectedly nice. He had listened to Wei Ying without complaint and Wei Ying had even drawn him into conversation when he brought up his interests in cultivation. In particular, Wei Ying had mentioned his interest in the Lan Sect’s musical cultivation and earned Lan Wangji’s full attention for the first time. Seeing those gold eyes looking at him unwaveringly had made a thrill run through him and he vaguely thought that he would like to have those eyes on him again. The thought remained in the back of his head even as they (mostly Wei Ying, really) spoke of musical cultivation. 

The following morning, he and Yao-ge headed to Lotus Pier as usual. As they neared the gate, they saw figures in white standing there. 

Already? Wei Ying thought as he realized the Lan contingent was leaving. He glanced at Yao-ge and saw the same disappointment reflected there. 

Lan Xichen noticed them and unobtrusively nudged his brother, who looked their way as well. Lan Xichen turned to a stern-looking man who Wei Ying assumed was their uncle, and spoke briefly to him. The man looked over at them with what seemed like a scowl (or maybe his face was just that? Could it be that Lan Wangji’s perpetually stern expression was a family trait that had somehow skipped Lan Xichen?). He waved his nephews off, seeming to give his permission, and the Lan brothers headed over. 

“Meng Yao, Wei Ying,” Lan Xichen greeted. 

“Lan Xichen,” Meng Yao returned. “I thought you were leaving in the afternoon.”

“We were supposed to but it seems the negotiations were concluded last night. Uncle decided there was no need to remain longer with the agreements set.”

“Oh? What was the agreement?”

While Meng Yao and Lan Xichen were drawn into a discussion of the trade agreement, Wei Ying sidled up to Lan Wangji. 

“Hey, you’ll write back when I write to you, right?”

Lan Wangji sighed. “Perhaps.”

“Aw, don’t be like that! We’re friends, aren’t we?”

That got him a pause and a suspicious look. “Friends?”

“Yeah! Or, at least, I thought we were.” He was suddenly less sure, though, and a heavy weight curdled in his gut. He shuffled in place uneasily, watching the other boy quietly consider. 

“Okay,” he finally said and Wei Ying was suddenly light again. He beamed, throwing himself at the other boy, who tensed in his grasp.

“Improper,” Lan Zhan insisted, though it was a half-hearted protest considering he didn’t shove Wei Ying off of him.

“Too late, you already said we’re friends,” Wei Ying practically sang. “Hey, now that we’re friends, how about I call you Lan Zhan?”

“No.” The response was immediate.

“Why not?!”

“Improper.”

“Not if we’re friends! And you can call me Wei Ying.”

“No,” Lan Zhan repeated, ears turning red. 

“Go on say it!”

Lan Zhan gritted his teeth. “Wei Ying!” He scolded. 

Wei Ying ignored the tone, taking it as a victory. “Yes, Lan Zhan?” he replied innocently. 

Lan Zhan glared at him. Wei Ying continued to ignore his irritation. “So you’ll write back, right?”

Lan Zhan maintained his glare for a few more moments before visibly giving up. “Yes,” he finally answered. 

“Yay! I’m going to write you every month. No, every week! Maybe every day! And you have to respond to every letter!”

Lan Zhan looked at him with the barest hint of dismay, as if realizing what he had agreed to. 

Lan Xichen chuckled and Wei Ying startled, realizing he had heard at least the last part of their conversation. “Good for you, Wangji. It’s always lovely to have new friends.”

Lan Zhan huffed but didn’t protest. 

Wei Ying grinned.

Chapter Text

Being a disciple of the Jiang Sect was a profoundly different experience to being a servant of the Nie Sect or a pariah-turned-sect-leader of the Jin Sect. Meng Yao belatedly realized a year into joining the Jiang Sect that this was his first time simply being a disciple. No unsavory rumors dogging him, no constant need to prove that he was worthy of being there. He simply attended lessons, trained his core, and was treated just the same as any other disciple. 

He couldn’t exactly say the same for Wei Ying, though. For the most part, the boy thrived and was beloved by his fellow disciples.

The lady of the sect, however, was another story. They didn’t cross paths often, but, when they did, Wei Ying apparently couldn’t do anything right. Madame Yu would try to find any reason to berate him. When she was unable to fault him, she was somehow even more furious, accusing him of trying to upstage her son. “A braggart like your mother,” she hissed on more than one occasion, revealing the seething envy that fueled her hatred. 

Wei Ying usually took her tirades in stride, not particularly bothered by them, or at least not showing it outwardly. When she spoke of his mother, though, his shoulders tensed and his jaw tightened. Each time Meng Yao saw the boy’s barely-hidden distress, a new layer settled over the dark pearl of his grudge against Madame Yu. 

He could perhaps at least respect her if she knew to hide her enmity and quietly sabotage the boy so that her son wasn’t outshined by the son of the woman who had upstaged her. But instead she wore her hatred on her sleeve, inviting the judgement of all those who knew the boy and didn’t appreciate her treatment of the lively child. She stained her reputation with each tirade.

Luckily, Madame Yu was often gone and, with Wei Ying living outside of Lotus Pier, they didn’t often meet. But when Meng Yao knew that she would be around, he made it a habit to steer Wei Ying away from her, determined that she wouldn’t grind away at his self-worth as she seemed to be intent on doing. It was really no wonder that Wei Wuxian had such a tendency to self-sacrifice if Madame Yu had been free to spend years destroying his self-worth. 

He thought about eliminating her entirely a few times but decided against it. As hateful as she was, she was a powerful cultivator and she would be valuable if (or when) the Wen Sect came to Lotus Pier. So, she would remain and Meng Yao would carefully keep Wei Ying away from her. 

Otherwise, he strengthened his core and kept to himself. 

And planned, of course. 

It was a year into joining the Jiang Sect that he had to make a move. 

He had recently turned (physically) twelve, which meant Xue Yang was nearing seven years old. And, though Xue Yang had always been tight-lipped about his past, Meng Yao knew that the event that that had triggered his hatred of the Chang Clan and stained his soul had occurred when the boy was seven. 

When he had initially considered what to do about Xue Yang, his immediate thought was to get rid of him early. 

But, Wei Ying’s words from years ago had echoed in the back of his mind and he entertained the possibility of removing Xue Yang from the streets that twisted him into who he became. After all, even as an adult, he had displayed sparks of humanity in his twisted loyalty to Meng Yao. 

It would be more work than simply disposing of him, certainly, and the fact that he was even considering it was a testament to how much Wei Ying’s words had seeped into his thinking. And couldn’t help but think of how his mother and Wei Ying would look at him if they knew he had killed a child, no matter his reason. 

He had already seen what it looked like when someone who trusted him learned of his bloodied hands. He didn’t want to see it again.

So, he decided that he would at least try to prevent the creation of the cruel man by saving the child. Of course, he would need to keep an eye on him for any signs of that gleeful cruelty. And if he saw a glimmer of it, he would be able to swiftly eliminate Xue Yang with a clear conscience. 

The opportunity to act came when there was a break in lessons due to a festival, just a few days but long enough to get to Yueyang and back. 

“I have to travel somewhere,” he told his mother the day before the break began. 

His mother didn’t blink an eye at the fact that he told her of his plans rather than asking. Since he had told her the truth, she had changed the way she behaved towards his, understanding that he was an adult and treating him as such despite his young body. In response, she simply asked: “Where?”

“Yueyang. It’s about a two-day journey from here.”

“Alright. What business do you have there?”

“There’s a child there who will grow up to be a dangerous man. Allowing that to happen would be…unwise.”

“And you want to what? Kill him?” She asked this in an even tone but a slight frown on her face. Meng Yao saw a bit of his own ruthless practicality in her reaction, but hers was tempered by compassion whereas he had cultivated the ability to ignore the instinct to empathize when necessary.

“I thought about it,” Meng Yao admitted. “But no. There’s a possibility that his path can diverge. He was street child who was mistreated. I think the cruelty he experienced is what warped him into what he became.”

“So, you intend prevent the mistreatment?”

Meng Yao nodded. 

“What will you do with him afterwards?”

“I’m…not sure. I need him somewhere I can keep an eye on him but I don’t think I could ever trust him enough to keep him too close. I’ll have to decide once I find him, I suppose.”

“Yao-ge is going somewhere?” Wei Ying’s voice piped up as he skipped through the door.

“Yes,” Meng Yao said and quickly added “and you’re not coming,” before the boy could get any ideas.

That led to a dramatic pout. “Whyyyy?”

“Because it might be dangerous.”

“Then why are you going?!”

“A-Ying, that’s enough,” Mother scolded. “A-Yao is older and he knows what he’s doing.”

“He’s not that much older!”

Meng Yao sighed. “Didn’t you say you wanted to go to the festival?”

“Yeah, but now I want to go with you.”

“Well, you can’t.”

“Auntie Meng, it’s not fair!”

“Come now, A-Ying, don’t you want to go to the festival with your friends?”

“I do but I wanted to go with Yao-ge, too.”

“I’ll try to be back before the festival is over,” Meng Yao tried. “We can go together on the last day.”

The pout didn’t diminish in the slightest as Wei Ying considered but a trace of worry did make it onto his expression. “If it’s dangerous, shouldn’t someone go with you?”

“I can take care of myself,” Meng Yao responded and it was true in a way that it had never been in his first life. While he had certainly been able to take steps to keep himself safe, his stunted core meant that he had to do that mostly by having forethought and multiple backup plans. But now that he had begun training at an earlier age as a true disciple, his core was already stronger than it had ever been in his first life. He could protect himself in every sense with his newfound strength.

“Are you sure?”

Meng Yao smiled slightly at the honest concern and ruffled the boy’s hair reassuringly. “I’m sure. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Wei Ying gave in glumly. “But you have to promise you’ll be back before the last day of the festival!”

“I’ll try my best.”

{***}

The following morning, when Wei Ying was still asleep, Meng Yao was ready to leave. Mother gave him a tight hug before he left and whispered a fervent “please be safe.”

“I will be,” Meng Yao reassured her and she let go with clear reluctance.

The day-and-a-half journey to Yueyang was quiet and uneventful. Meng Yao had always been good at slipping beneath anyone’s notice when necessary and he put that to good use, mindful of the fact that he appeared to be a twelve-year-old child travelling alone.

By the time he arrived, he still wasn’t sure what to do with Xue Yang. He considered bring him back to the Jiang Sect and couldn’t help but feel reluctant to do so. Perhaps is was hypocritical of him, but he couldn’t imagine ever trusting Xue Yang to be near -particularly near his mother - after all he had seen the man do in his previous life. After all, he had no idea of Xue Yang’s capacity for kindness but he knew of his capacity for cruelty.

On the other hand, Xue Yang would need to be kept under watchful eyes. Ideally his, but at least someone who wouldn’t tolerate sneakiness or cruelty and would nip it in the bud if Xue Yang ever exhibited such behavior. 

I supposed I’ll just have to see what he’s like at this age and go from there , he decided. 

It was early afternoon when he arrived and he immediately began his search. He started by asking around but didn’t get much information. There were, unfortunately, many street children and Xue Yang wasn’t yet infamous enough to be known. He was at least able to find out in which area the street children usually stayed. Before he went, he bought a basket of steamed buns and a small bag of candy. 

When he made his way there, the sight of the children made his heart prick uncomfortably. It was precisely because he knew how street children lived that he had wanted to use his position to build orphanages in his first life. But, after the fight it had been to get the watchtowers, he left the idea for another time. 

If he had managed to get the orphanages built, he wondered if children like the ones around him would have been able to have better lives. If nothing else, they would have food that kept them from looking so gaunt, clothes better than the scraps these children wore, shelter that prevented the injuries he saw on many of the children. They would have at least been better cared for than the children before him. 

Seeing them made him add another goal to a growing list. When he reached a position of power, he would use it to build the orphanages he had never been able to build in his first life. 

Slowly, so as not to startle them, he approached the children and asked after Xue Yang. He gave each child a bun and a piece of candy regardless of their answer. 

Eventually, one of the children pointed him in the right direction. Between ravenous bites, the child said “A-Yang likes to stay by the restaurant. He says sometimes the rich people there take pity on him and give him their leftovers. He doesn’t mind that most of them kick him out of the way.”

Meng Yao had to take a second to compose himself, the mental image of spoiled lords and ladies kicking away a scrawny child hitting too close to home. Then, he thanked the child, gave him an extra bun, and went to the restaurant.

Just as the child said, a young Xue Yang was there, lingering just far enough from the entrance that the owners were unlikely to chase him away. The boy ignored him until he was close enough to hold out his hand.

“Do you want a piece of candy?” Meng Yao asked.

Xue Yang looked at him suspiciously. “What’s the catch?”

“None. I just have too much for myself and I thought I’d share.”

Xue Yang extended his hand carefully at first, then quickly, snatching the candy away. He popped it into his mouth with a victorious grin. 

“I’m Meng Yao. What’s your name.”

Xue Yang eyed him distrustfully. “Not saying. What do you want?”

Meng Yao realized that playing it off as being friendly wasn’t going to work on this child like it had on Wei Ying. He decided to attempt a different method, one that would work better on the distrustful child. Xue Yang had always had a strange sense of superiority, once that Meng Yao suspected was overcompensation for some deep-rooted insecurity. So…

“I’m training to be a cultivator,” he said, making Xue Yang frown in confusion at the abrupt shift in topic. “I could sense it as soon as I saw you. You have the potential to be very powerful.”

Just as he expected, Xue Yang’s eyes lit up. The man he knew in his first life had sneered at a world he believed to be beneath him. Being told that he was above the rest would do far more than friendly overtures.

“Really?” The boy’s expression was a mix of suspicion and excitement

“Yes,” Meng Yao answered with complete confidence. “You can become a great cultivator if you get training.”

Xue Yang grinned. 

“You should join a sect,” Meng Yao continued, mind whirring as he debated where Xue Yang should go. 

“Like the Chang Sect?”

“No!” Meng Yao could only imagine what a disaster that would be. But where to send him? Meng Yao refused to allow him anywhere near the Lan Sect and sending him to the Jin Sect was asking for a repeat of his first life. He supposed he could bring him back to the Jiang Sect but he was still reluctant to do that and, upon further reflection, he realized that Xue Yang and Madame Yu would be a disastrous combination. 

It needed to be a sect that was straightforward, with a strong sense of morality that would even out Xue Yang’s crueler tendencies. 

“The Nie Sect,” he mused, turning the idea over in his mind.

“Yes?”

Meng Yao froze, a sudden primal terror racing through his veins. The voice, though it wasn’t quite as deep as he remembered, triggered the memory of a kick to the chest that left him tumbling down the stairs, the memory of cold arms in a vice grip around him, dragging him to his death.

Slowly, painfully, he turned his head and saw him. Younger, likely around 15 years old. A small boy clung to his robes. 

Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang. 

And, behind him, a man that looks vaguely familiar but who Meng Yao knew he had never met.

If he’s 15, then his father should already be dead. How…?

Underneath the shock and fear, a small realization struck Meng Yao. Wen Ruohan had been in seclusion since the death of Wen Xu nearly 3 years ago. So, he had never had the chance to sabotage Sect Leader Nie and the man remained alive.

That meant that the Nie Mingjue before him wasn’t Sect Leader Nie, but still Young Master Nie.

“Um…are you okay?” Meng Yao startled at Xue Yang’s whisper. He realized that he had been staring at the Nie family and quickly looked away, barely suppressing the urge to run, not just from Nie Mingue, but also from Nie Huaisang, who had woven the web of his demise.

Remembering himself, he bowed to Sect Leader Nie, who he had never met in his first life but who looked remarkably like his son, though he seemed to be shorter than his son would be. The man eyed him curiously but let it go, continuing on his way into the restaurant. Nie Mingjue made to follow him, but Nie Huaisang tugged on his sleeve, waiting until his older brother bent down before whispering something to him.

Whatever he said made Nie Mingjue frown and Meng Yao had to resist the urge to bolt. 

“I’m not telling him that,” Nie Mingjue grumbled. “Tell him yourself.”

Nie Huaisang whispered something again. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, he looks around your age anyway. You-” Meng Yao flinched as Nie Mingjue directed his attention to him. “How old are you?”

“Twelve,” Meng Yao forced himself to respond. 

“Really? You look younger. Anyway, see A-Sang, he’s only a couple of years older than you.”

Nie Huaisang pouted and nervously shuffled so that he faced Meng Yao. “The sleeves of your robe are pretty,” the boy said quietly.

Meng Yao blinked, looking blankly down at his sleeves before he realized what the boy was referring to. His mother had added small patterns of embroidery on his disciple robes, nothing too noticeable but enough to add a personal touch. The robes he wore were decorated with delicate blue birds on the sleeves. “Thank you,” he said numbly. “My mother sewed them.”

“Wow,” Nie Huaisang said with wide eyes, some of the nervousness falling away. “I want to learn how to do that.”

“No,” Nie Mingjue huffed. “Your time would be better spent practicing your saber.”

“Noooo,” Nie Huaisang groaned. “I don’t want to. I want to play with my birds and paint my fans and learn to sew pretty things.”

“Sabers?” Xue Yang whispered to Meng Yao.

“The Nie Sect uses sabers instead of swords,” Meng Yao distractedly explained.

Nie Mingjue must have heard, as he smiled at Xue Yang. “Do you want to see one?”

“Yes!” Xue Yang scuttled a few steps forward, then paused. “Um, please,” he added, seeming to realize that he was being presumptuous.

“Step back,” Nie Mingjue warned Xue Yang, who quickly did. He then drew his saber and crouched down, holding the saber out so that Xue Yang could see it. The boy stared, mesmerized. He reached out a hand as if to touch it but Nei Mingjue jerked it back.

“Don’t,” he barked, then softened his tone at Xue Yang’s flinch. “It’s dangerous for those without training. The sabers store large amounts of energy and they can lash out with it.”

Unsurprisingly to Meng Yao, that didn’t put Xue Yang off at all. Instead, he looked even more awed. “I can feel it,” he said excitedly.

Nie Mingjue raised a brow. “You can?”

“Yeah, it’s cold and it whispers.”

That made Meng Yao raise a brow. It seemed that Xue Yang’s affinity for resentful energy that Meng Yao had seen in the young man was there from when he was a child.

Nie Mingjue looked between them curiously. “You’re both cultivators?”

“I’m not,” Xue Yang said. “But I really want to be.”

“And you?”

Meng Yao met Nie Mingjue’s for a second and, for a moment, he saw them differently, aglow with rage. 

He looked away and responded quietly. “Disciple of the Jiang Sect. Meng Ziyao.” He had recently chosen his courtesy name and had taken the opportunity to spite his father in his own private way. He wasn’t chasing after the Jin name anymore but he would take the name he should have had as Jin Zixuan’s brother. After all, he had actually grown to somewhat like his brother in his first life.

“You’re rather far from Lotus Pier.”

“Yes.” Meng Yao didn’t elaborate.

“Mingjue, Huaisang!” Sect Leader Nie called.

Nie Mingjue glanced toward the restaurant, then looked back at Xue Yang. “What’s your name?”

“Xue Yang.”

“Wait here, Xue Yang.”

Meng Yao released a deep breath as the Nie brothers left. He had never expected to encounter the Nie brothers, had, in fact, intended to avoid them. He knew that Nie Mingjue’s righteous morality would never understand the shades of gray that Meng Yao lived in. Nie Huaisang, meanwhile…well, he was the spider that had pulled the strings that led Meng Yao to his doom. He was somehow more wary of the younger brother than the older, if only because he had never registered the younger as a threat and yet he had been the greatest one of all. The docile songbird he had thought he knew had turned out to be as dangerous as any falcon and he couldn’t see Nie Huaisang in the same way now that he knew. At the same time, he couldn’t muster any anger at him. He would have done exactly the same in his shoes, after all.

“Hey, do you have more candy?” Xue Yang asked, looking completely unshaken.

Meng Yao shook off his meandering thoughts and huffed. “That’s all you have to say after that?”

“I want more candy.”

Meng Yao dug out the pouch of candy and gave another piece for Xue Yang, who shoved it in his mouth happily and spoke with his mouth full. “So, what’s the Nie Sect like?”

“Strong. Just. Formidable.”

“Sounds cool.”

“You want to join?” He had thought he would have to pull the strings more to get Xue Yang to go where he wanted him to.

“Yeah! I want to have a saber.”

Meng Yao belatedly considered that Xue Yang with a saber might not be a good idea but figured that being under the watchful eye of Nie Mingue would prevent any…unforeseen consequences. 

“Oi, you!” Nie Mingjue’s voice called out as he exited the restaurant. “Xue Yang, was it?”

The boy nodded.

“Where are your parents?”

“Gone,” he answered simply, without a hint of distress.

“Why don’t you come with us, then? I think you might do well as a disciple in our sect.”

“Can I have candy?”

Meng Yao cringed internally at the childish question. Nie Mingjue was looked surprised as well, but not annoyed.

“Sure,” came a softer voice from behind him. Nie Huaisang peeked his head around his brother’s larger form, swinging a fan in one hand. “If you like sweets, we have lots of cakes too.”

“Then, I want to join! Will I get a saber too?”

“Slow down, kid, you’ll need to get some training first,” Nie Mingjue said.

“And then I get a saber?”

“If you do well enough, yes.”

“I’ll do well then. I’ll do amazing,” Xue Yang declared with total confidence.

Nie Mingjue laughed. “I like your spirit. I hope you’re as good as your word. Come, I’ll get you a meal.”

He turned back to the restaurant and strode away without a backwards glance, seemingly confident the boy would follow. Xue Yang didn’t hesitate to do so, skipping along to keep up with the tall teenager’s long strides. Nie Huaisang followed at a slower pace, glancing back briefly. Meng Yao met his eyes and saw no recognition but he couldn’t help the instinctual clench of his fists that he hid behind his back. The boy gave him a vague smile and was off behind his brother.

Meng Yao stared at the entrance of the restaurant even when they were out of view. Had he made the right choice? Was this the right place for Xue Yang to be? He wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on the boy and he didn’t like letting potential problems be put outside of his control. But, at the same time, he knew that the exact quality that made him wary of Nie Mingjue made him the perfect man to oversee Xue Yang. 

If all else failed, he would eliminate him before he could be too much of a threat.

{***}

Meng Yao managed to keep his promise to Wei Ying and returned on the last day of the festival. The entire time he was there with Wei Ying, he had to wrange him and Jiang Wanyin, who always seemed to egg each other on, but he was able to enjoy himself as well. 

When they returned in the evening, Mother handed him a letter with a knowing smile. Meng Yao saw the familiar calligraphy on the white envelope and his heart skipped a beat. 

Lan Xichen had been as good as his word and had written Meng Yao immediately after returning to the Cloud Recesses. Meng Yao had responded, not expecting to get much communication beyond that. To his surprise, Lan Xichen had replied. And he did again and again until theirs was a regular correspondence. 

Even at a young age, Lan Xichen was mature beyond his years and that reflected in his letters. He often wrote about sect meetings, special lessons he received as the future sect leader, diplomatic visits that he was beginning to attend. So much of it was similar to what his correspondence with Lan Xichen had been like when they were both adults.

But, sometimes his youth shone through when he would write about how excited he was to master a new maneuver with his sword, about how he hadn’t received high marks on his recent report and was disappointed, about how he had grown and needed new robes. 

It was a different Lan Xichen than the one he had known but Meng Yao couldn’t stem the fondness anyway. He could see the roots of the man Lan Xichen would become and it was wondrous to witness. 

A part of him screamed that he shouldn’t allow himself to get close again, that one such as him could only bring harm to someone as good as Lan Xichen. But, he couldn’t bring himself to cut things off. 

He could only hope he wouldn’t regret it.

{***}

Wei Ying flopped onto his back, worn out by the sword practice that had just concluded. He had recently turned fourteen and was allowed to practice with the older disciples now. He was glad for it, as the disciples his age didn’t provide enough of a challenge and, as much as he liked spending time with them, training was much more fun with the older group. 

“Oi, you’re in the way,” Jiang Cheng said, nudged at him with his foot. He had pouted mightily when Wei Ying had moved up only to be promoted as well a few weeks later. 

“Ugh, let me rest a moment, Jiang Cheng.”

“Do that when you get home. You’re blocking the way.”

Wei Ying groaned dramatically. “Okay, okay, I’m getting up.”

He pulled himself to his feet and stretched, feeling the ache in his muscles. “Do you want to come over and swim in the lake?”

“Can’t. Mom’s here. I have to be at dinner.”

Wei Ying winced. “I’ll make myself scarce, then.” When Madame Yu was around, he didn’t linger in Lotus Pier after lesson were complete. Best to avoid her to prevent the inevitable problem that would arise if she saw him.

“See you tomorrow,” he called over his should as he began to head home. 

Yao-ge was probably already home but Auntie Meng might still be at the scribe’s office. If she was, he and Yao-ge would get dinner together to give her the chance to rest. 

It had been over five years since he had been brought in to live with them, Wei Ying reflected. And, in that time, they had become his family. It was a small unit but one that he cherished. After all, he knew what it was like to lose the little family one had. Auntie Meng treated him as a son and she had become a second mother to him. She was very different from his mother, quiet where his mother had been boisterous, strict with certain rules where his mother had been lackadaisical. Yet, like his mother, she was gentle in her scoldings, generous with her affection, and fierce in her protection. Wei Ying could remember her fury when a villager had shouted at him for knocking over one of his wares by mistake.

“This is what happens when a child has no mother to teach him manners,” the man had sneered. 

Wei Ying had fliched and backed way, only to bump into something. He had looked up to find Auntie Meng behind him, glaring at the man. “He has a mother,” she had hissed, hand gripping Wei Ying’s shoulders and holding him to her protectively. “I wonder about yours, since you seem to find yelling at children to be appropriate behavior.”

Hearing her say that had made Wei Ying cry at the time, overwhelmed as he was with emotion. Even now, remembering her protective hold and her fierce words brought a smile to his face. 

Yao-ge, meanwhile, had become his elder brother in all but name. Though he always had an air of distance, Wei Ying knew that Yao-ge looked out for him, from steering him away from Madame Yu when she was around to talking him down when Wei Ying got a particularly stupid idea in his head. 

Wei Ying worried about him, though. He never lost an air of melancholy, something Wei Ying noticed more and more over the years. It was as if he had experienced some great loss and Wei Ying supposed that might be the case. He realized as he got older that Yao-ge held the weight of a lifetime and his knowledge of the future might not be due to being some kind of seer but because he had lived the future. 

He had never asked because Yao-ge had never offered the information and, as curious as Wei Ying was, he figured Yao-ge must have a good reason for keeping the full extent of the truth to himself. 

“A-Ying!”

Wei Ying heard the voice calling his name as he neared his house and grinned when he saw Yao-ge waiting outside for him. He hurried at first, then slowed again when he saw the mischievous look in Yao-ge’s eyes. 

Yao-ge smiled innocently but Wei Ying didn’t trust that smile for one second. His suspicions were confirmed when Yao-ge spoke, waving a folded sheet of paper. 

“You got a letter from Second Young Master Lan.”

Wei Ying felt a sudden giddiness and he ran forward grabbing the letter from Yao-ge’s hand. 

Lan Zhan had been a reticent writer at first but he had dutifully responded to each letter that Wei Ying sent. And each time, Wei Ying wrote back. With each letter, Lan Zhan’s responses had lengthened and Wei Ying had gotten glimpses of who he was beneath the stoic exterior. He was surprisingly stubborn and admirably intelligent, for one. Wei Ying loved theorizing about the possibilities of cultivation and Lan Zhan had so much knowledge about cultivation that he was able to actually ponder the probability of such a thing, while also scolding him for his ‘unorthodox musings.’ But he kept responding with thoughtfulness to Wei Ying’s ridiculous ideas so Wei Ying kept writing to him about them. 

He was also quietly kind. Once, Wei Ying had written to him that he was feeling a bit ill and Lan Zhan had responded with a novel of a letter that listed remedies for the stuffy nose and persistent cough that Wei Ying had complained about.

Wei Ying couldn’t help but be fond of the way he wrote about his brother, the affection clear in his words, the way that he insisted on adhering to formalities even in writing, the way he responded to all of Wei Ying’s nonsense with thoughtful consideration.

Suffice to say, Wei Ying really liked him and was so glad that Lan Zhan had been willing to be his friend.

He was abruptly broken out of his musings when he noticed Yao-ge’s knowing smirk. 

Wei Ying flushed, knowing what was coming. “Shut up, Yao-ge,” he grumbled. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to. And anyway, you don’t have room to talk. I see how you get when Lan Xichen writes to you.” Wei Ying always knew when Yao-ge had gotten a letter from Lan Xichen. A gentle smile would settle on his face and remain there the rest of the day. 

Yao-ge narrowed his eyes at him. “At least I know why getting a letter makes my day. Have you figured it out yet?”

Wei Ying frowned. “What do you mean? Isn’t it just because I got a letter from a friend?”

Yao-ge rolled his eyes. “Exactly,” he sighed and refused to elaborate.  

Wei Ying stuck his tongue out childishly and went past him into their home. Despite the teasing, Wei Ying was happy to see Yao-ge in light spirits. It was nice to see that shroud of sadness that Yao-ge always seemed to carry momentarily lifted. These moments were coming about more often recently and Wei Ying hoped they would soon outnumber the moments of melancholy.

For just a while, it seemed like that might be possible.

Until a few days later.

That morning, the mood in Lotus Pier was tense, strained. Wei Ying didn’t think anything of it at first, figuring it must mean that Madame Yu was around and had gotten into another fight with Sect Leader Jiang.

Then, in between lessons, a grim-faced Jiang Cheng whispered the news to them. 

“There’s been more movement of the Wen Sect in the last few weeks. Soldiers seen outside the territory of the sect. Now, we’ve received word that Wen Ruohan has left seclusion.”

Wei Ying immediately looked to Yao-ge, who had been the one to cause Wen Ruohan to enter seclusion in the first place. 

He was pale and his hands shook slightly at his sides. He hid them behind his back as Wei Ying watched. 

“Has there been any threatening movement?” Yao-ge’s voice was even despite his obvious disquiet. 

“Not yet,” Jiang Cheng replied. 

Yet. 

The word seemed to ring in the air. 

“Are we…are we going to do anything?” Wei Ying hazarded to ask. “You know, call together a conference or strengthen our defenses.”

Jiang Cheng sighed. “Mother and Father have been fighting about that. Father wants to wait and see what Wen Ruohan does. Mother wants to start bolstering our defenses now.”

“What about you?” Wei Ying asked. 

“Me?” Jiang Cheng looked surprised that Wei Ying asked his opinion. 

“Yeah, what do you think we should do?”

Jiang Cheng hesitated. “I…I don’t agree with either of them.” He said that with an uncertain look on his face, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to disagree with his parents. “I do think we should look over our defenses and make sure we have plans in place, but doing it too obviously might bring Wen Ruohan’s attention. And I think we need to talk to the other Greats Sects, maybe call for a conference without the Wens-“

“No,” Yao-ge suddenly said. “That would be a declaration of war to Wen Ruohan.  Subtlety is necessary.”

“But how?”

Yao-ge eyed Jiang Cheng. “Have your parents spoken to you about lectures they want you to attend?”

“Yeah, some lessons that the Lan Sect organizes. They said they’re supposed to be in a little over a year.”

“Then, we’ll have to wait until then. Focus on our defenses and hope the other sects are smart enough to do the same. Of course, the sect leaders will accompany their disciples and heirs to make sure they arrive safely at the Cloud Recesses. And it wouldn’t be suspicious for them to stay for a few days to ensure their charges are settling in well.”

Wei Ying considered the idea and agreed that it was sound, but… “What if a sect is attacked between now and then?”

Yao-ge shrugged. “Then so be it. We need to be careful to not place ourselves in direct opposition to the Wen Sect until we know the status of our allies.”

Wei Ying frowned at the harsh words. Surely they weren’t just going to let attacks on other sects go on for over a year. “Yao-ge, you can’t be serious!”

Yao-ge turned to meet his eyes and Wei Ying nearly flinched back a step at the cold look in his eyes, a look he hadn’t seen in years. “A-Ying,” he said evenly. “One can’t help others until one’s own safety is assured. How do you propose we neutralize the threat of Wen Ruohan if we get ourselves destroyed?”

Wei Ying opened his mouth to argue but couldn’t find a reasonable argument. He shut his mouth and glared silently at Yao-ge. 

“He isn’t wrong,” Jiang Cheng said. “I’ll suggest that to my parents.”

Yao-ge nodded, then abruptly turned away and left. Wei Ying looked after him incredulously. “Yao-ge, where are you going? We still have lessons!”

“I’m not feeling well,” Yao-ge called over his shoulder. 

Wei Ying huffed in frustration. 

“Come on, Wei Wuxian, we’re going to be late,” Jiang Cheng urged. 

Wei Ying followed, still mulling over their conversation. “You really agree with Yao-ge?”

“I wouldn’t put it like he did but I agree with the general idea. If we jump in without a plan, we’ll paint ourselves as a target. We have to be more careful.”

Wei Ying’s frown remained but he didn’t continue to argue. He understood, he did, but…part of him just wasn’t comfortable with the thought of sitting around while other people were in danger, even if it was to save more lives in the long run. Something about the coldness of weighing the value of lives so calmly felt…wrong.  

The thought weighed on him throughout the rest of the day and, when he arrived home, he went straight to Yao-ge. 

“I don’t like your idea,” he told Yao-ge bluntly. “I get it but I don’t like it.”

Yao-ge’s face betrayed no emotion. “It’s the best option.”

“I know but…how are you so calm about it? Don’t you feel even a little bad at the thought of leaving people to the mercy of Wen Ruohan?”

“No.” The response was swift and certain. “If it’s the best option, why should I feel any guilt?”

Wei Ying’s fists clenched, frustration bubbling within him. “You’re being so…so…”

“What?”  Yao-ge’s voice was so icy, so sharp, it was like Wei Ying had been dumped in a lake in mid-winter. “Monstrous? Evil? Selfish? Go on, say it.”

There was a dare in his voice that Wei Ying refused to take up. “No. I don’t think any of that! But I do think you’re being an ass and I think it’s an act. I know you care and you’re just pretending you don’t.”

Yao-ge glared at him. “What do you know?” he hissed. “I’ve always told you I’m not a good person. You’ve just never believed me.”

“And I still don’t! I saw how scared you looked when Jiang Cheng told us about Wen Ruohan. I think you’re acting like this to hide your fear.” Yao-ge looked away. “It makes sense. I know what things were probably like for you and Auntie Meng where you lived before. It’s like how it was when I was on the streets. It’s dangerous to show you’re scared.”

Yao-ge met his gaze again. “I refuse to feel guilty for making the best choice for myself.”

“I didn’t say you had to! But, would it kill you to acknowledge that it’s sad some people will die because of our decision?”

Yao-ge sniffed with disdain. “Maybe it would.”

Wei Ying rolled his eyes at Yao-ge’s stubbornness. He liked to act like Wei Ying was the stubborn one but he was just as bad. 

“This is the best choice,” Yao-ge insisted after several moments of stubborn silence. “But…the collateral damage it may cause is…unfortunate.” His expression was disgruntled at admitting it.

Wei Ying grinned. “Was that so hard?”

”Yes,” Yao-ge said, like the stubborn ass that he was.

Wei Ying rolled his eyes but let it go.

After a few moments of quiet, Yao-ge spoke again. He was hesitant, contemplative. “A-Ying, would you entertain a hypothetical with me?”

Wei Ying looked over with interest. “Sure.”

It took a few moments before Yao-ge spoke. “Let’s say there was a man who was born in a lowly position,” he started, eyes fixed on his hands. “His father was a noble who refused to recognize him and left him to a life of hardship. Feeling cheated for his own sake and angry for his mother’s, he vowed to himself to take his rightful place, to gain enough power that nobody would hurt him anymore.”

That was reasonable, Wei Ying supposed. Feeling helpless at the world’s cruelty was an awful feeling that he was unfortunately familiar with.

Yao-ge continued, hands tightening to fists in his lap. “So, he started down a path to get what he wanted. He made sacrifices and committed atrocities to make it to his goal. He didn’t relish in it, but it was what was necessary to ensure his survival. And, eventually, he made it. But, when he did, he realized he had soaked himself in blood to get there. He couldn’t let anyone know what he had done and so he silenced those who threatened to expose him and his hands became bloodier and bloodier. But he couldn’t turn back.”

Yao-ge paused for a moment, an aching sadness weighing on his shoulders, drawing his brows together. Wei Ying remained quiet. He realized that, for the first time, he was hearing about Yao-ge’s life. 

“He wasn’t able to escape the consequences forever. The truth of his deeds became known. And he died.”

Wei Ying froze. Yao-ge had died?  How was he speaking of it so calmly?

“Then, he woke up and he was a child again. He remembered his previous life but he didn’t want to repeat it. So he made different choices. But he never forgot what he had done before.”

Suddenly, so much about Yao-ge made sense. The shroud of sadness he wore. His odd reactions to seemingly random things. His insistence that he wasn’t a good person.

Wei Ying’s throat tightened at the realization of the burden Yao-ge carried. 

“So, tell me A-Ying,” Yao-ge looked up and met his gaze with eyes that held the weariness of a lifetime. “Would this person hold the moral weight of the man he died as or the child he woke up as?”

Wei Ying wasn’t sure how to answer and he couldn’t do so flippantly,  not when he knew this wasn’t a hypothetical but Yao-ge’s life. His mind whirled with the realizations of what Yao-ge had gone through.

His first thought was that one couldn’t be judged for something that hadn’t happened yet. Just because someone might do something, didn’t mean that they would . 

But Yao-ge had done those things in another time. They hadn’t happened yet and perhaps would never happen but the person who had done them still held some of that weight.

Wei Ying also considered Yao-ge’s reasons. Wanting to get to a position of safety and doing anything to get there was understandable, even though it didn’t justify harming others. Then again, choices made out of survival weren’t black-and-white matters of morality.

So, where did that leave Yao-ge?

“Neither,” he finally said in answer to the question. “The man did bad things before but the boy hasn’t done them yet. With the man returning to being the boy, he would still carry his past actions but the fact that they haven’t happened yet gives him the opportunity to leave them behind. If he did those things before out of self-preservation, then it’s not that he wanted to cause harm but that circumstances led him to. So, he can take this opportunity to make different choices, do right by those he harmed before.”

He paused, gathering his thoughts. “He might not be able to gain forgiveness but he can seek his own redemption.”

Yao-ge was quiet for several minutes, long enough that Wei Ying thought the conversation was over. 

Then, he looked up at Wei Ying with a hesitant smile. “Maybe you’re right,” he said. 

Wei Ying grinned. For the first time, Yao-ge didn’t resist the thought of his own goodness. 

Maybe one day he would truly believe in it. 

{***}

Meng Yao smirked as he watched a 15-year-old Wei Ying scramble to pack his bag the night before their departure to the Cloud Recesses. 

“I told you to pack earlier,” he said, not making the slightest effort to help him. 

Wei Ying took a second to stick his tongue out at Meng Yao before continuing to pack. Meng Yao rolled his eyes at the childish gesture. 

“I was distracted,” Wei Ying said.

“With what, testing how much spicy food you can eat before you burst into flame?”

“Lan Zhan told me what the food in the Cloud Recesses is like. I’m not going to taste a bit of spice for a year!”

“I’m sure he and Xichen will be fine with you bringing some chili paste.”

“It’s not the same! I need to fill up while I have the chance.”

“You’re being dramatic. Xichen told me that there are some restaurants that sell spicy food in Caiyi, right outside the Cloud Recesses.”

“Really?”

”Really.”

“Yes!” Wei Ying looked inordinately excited, as if he had been truly distressed at the thought of going so long without spicy food. “Let’s go to them together. I wonder if Lan Zhan has tried it.”

“Doubtful. Apparently, most Lan disciples don’t do well with spice after getting used to the lighter flavors served in the Cloud Recesses.”

Wei Ying laughed. “The whole sect can’t handle spice? That’s tragic!”

“And no alcohol tolerance either, apparently.”

“Wait, how does Lan Xichen know that?”

“He didn’t say.”

They both stared at each other for a moment before they both broke into laughter. 

“Oh my goodness, I can’t imagine Lan Xichen getting drunk. Now I’m curious.”

”No,” Meng Yao said, knowing what Wei Ying was thinking. “Absolutely not.”

”Hey, maybe he would be on board. Besides, it’s not like I was suggesting we take the First Jade of Lan to a tavern. I’m not trying to cause a scandal.”

“Don’t you dare sneak in any alcohol, either,” Meng Yao said with steely eyes. 

“Aw, come on, just a little?”

“No.”

“But I wanted to try Emperor’s Smile!”

“Then try some when we visit Caiyi. Don’t bring it into the Cloud Recesses.”

Wei Ying pouted dramatically. “Fine. But only because I think you might actually kill me if I make you look bad in front of Lan Xichen.”

Meng Yao didn’t bother to deny it. He would indeed seek revenge if he had to apologize for Wei Ying’s behavior. 

“Your Lan Zhan would also be disappointed.”

Wei Ying’s pout deepened. “Okay, you didn’t have to go that low. I haven’t seen him since they came to Lotus Pier, I really do want to make a good impression.”

“Then we’re in agreement, yes?”

Wei Ying sighed. “Yes.”

After a few minutes of quiet, Wei Ying spoke. “Are you nervous? About the unofficial conference?”

For the last year, they had quietly planned for a meeting of the sect leaders under the guise of escorting disciples to the Cloud Recesses. There had been no discussion of plans to avoid any chance of that leaking to the wrong ears, so they would essentially be meeting to plan from the ground up. 

“No…not exactly,” Meng Yao said. “I know who is likely to be amenable and who will be resistant. And I know what will likely sway the unwilling ones.”

“But…” Wei Ying prodded. 

He sighed. “But, I also know what the consequences will be if we don’t succeed. It does make the stakes higher.”

Wei Ying reached out and rested a hand on his shoulder in sympathy. Meng Yao hadn’t told him specifics - he didn’t like to talk much of his previous life, wanting to focus on forging a new path in this one - but he had implied enough that Wei Ying probably had a vague idea of what would happen if the sects didn’t take a strong, unified stance against the Wen Sect. 

“If you need to discreetly threaten someone to get them on board, I’ve got your back,” Wei Ying said with a light-hearted smile but serious eyes. 

Meng Yao chuckled, mood lightening at the unconditional support of the young man. He would never have expected that when he took in the young child seeking a powerful ally, he would have ended up with a brother. “Do you even know how to be discreet?”

Wei Ying gasped in faux offense. “Yes! I can be discreet!”

“Really? I seem to remember a time when you were supposed to keep quiet about the present we got for Mother until the tailor finished it but you broke and told her the day before it was supposed to be ready.”

“That was…an exception. I was just excited!”

“A-Ying, you couldn’t be subtle if your life depended on it. That’s not a bad thing,” he added, seeing Wei Ying’s disgruntled expression. “It’s admirable, really. It means you're an honest person.”

Unlike me , he didn’t say. 

“Then, I’ll leave the discreet threatening to you, Yao-ge.  But if you need to beat anyone up, just let me know.”

“Sure,” he replied with a laugh. 

“That also goes for Sect Leader Jin,” Wei Ying added. 

That made Meng Yao’s smile dim slightly. He didn’t really talk about his father. In fact, the last time he spoke of him was several months ago, when he admitted to Wei Ying that Jin Guangshan was his father. A part of him had wanted to keep it a secret but he knew that he would react to the man’s presence at the Cloud Recesses and that Wei Ying would notice, so he had told him. He had done so matter-of-factly, betraying no emotion as he spoke. That in itself allowed Wei Ying to notice that it was a sensitive subject and he seemed to extrapolate from there. 

At the time, he had been uncharacteristically solemn, wrapping an arm around Meng Yao’s shoulder in silent support. 

Days later, he had suddenly gasped while they were walking home. “Yao-ge did you choose Ziyao as your courtesy name to spite Jin Guangshan?”

“Yes,” Meng Yao had admitted, surprised it had taken him that long to figure it out. 

Wei Ying had laughed so hard, they had to stop walking. He leaned over, clutching his stomach as he cackled. “Yao-ge, you petty bitch!” He managed to say between bouts of laughter. 

Meng Yao had smiled despite himself. 

Now, he smiled again at Wei Ying’s earnest offer. “That might not be a good idea,” he said. “Beating up a sect leader will cause more problems than it would solve. Besides, he’s never met me. He probably won’t even realize who I am.”

Wei Ying frowned. “That makes me want to beat him up even more.”

“No beating anyone up,” Meng Yao insisted. Well… “Not yet, at least.”

“Fine.” Wei Ying said with a pout and returned his attention to packing his bag.

That night, Meng Yao was too anxious to sleep, barely managing to drift off a few times. His brain was too preoccupied anticipating every possible scenario. 

For the first time in his current life, all the significant figures from his first life would be in one place. Nie Mingjue, Nie Huaisang, Xue Yang (who, apparently, would be accompanying the Nie delegation), his father, his brother…

Jin Zixuan…he didn’t know how he should act around his brother, in whose death he had played a role. It hadn’t been his intention when he sent Jin Zixuan to deal with Jin Zixun, but he had been the one to send his brother to his death. 

His brother had been kind to him and he had paid him back in death. 

And, of course, Lan Xichen would be there. Lan Xichen, who had dutifully written to him over the last six years, whose letters had been a source of painful joy. 

It would be the first time they saw each other since he had come to Lotus Piers so many years ago. Now, when Meng Yao saw him, Lan Xichen would be the young man he had first met in his previous life. 

The next few weeks would be critical, not only for himself but for the cultivation world at large. 

Meng Yao had to get it right. 

Chapter Text

Meng Yao gazed at the lush mountain that the Cloud Recesses sat atop. They had traveled most of the way to the seat of the Lan Sect the previous day and stayed at Caiyi for the night to avoid arriving too late. Now, they were getting ready to head up the mountain. Sect Leader Jiang led the way while Jiang Yanli stayed a step behind. Jiang Wanyin stuck close to his sister, protective as always and ready to serve as a steadying hand.

Meng Yao, meanwhile, hung back, an odd mix of emotions churning in his gut. Excitement, longing, anxiety, dread, the ghost of grief. It didn’t escape him that he would be seeing a Cloud Recesses he had never seen before. Not decimated by Wen Xu and his soldiers or newly rebuilt with careful hands. It would be the Cloud Recesses that had stood for centuries, unaltered by the greed of Wen Ruohan. 

And it would remain that way if Meng Yao had his way.

As they neared the gate, a pair of Lan disciples guarding the entrance came into view. They bowed to Sect Leader Jiang when the group approached.

“Please follow me,” one of the disciples said, while the other remained to guard the gate. 

They entered the Cloud Recesses and passed by the massive wall on which all the Lan Sect’s rules were inscribed. Wei Ying paused for a moment to stare. 

“Wow. I thought Lan Zhan was kidding when he said they carved their rules into a wall.”

Meng Yao had to wonder what possessed Wei Ying to think that Lan Wangji was capable of kidding.

“You sure you can follow all those?” Jiang Wanyin said, nudging Wei Ying with his elbow with a teasing smirk. 

“Yes,” Wei Ying said with complete confidence. Then he glanced at the wall again. “Probably.”

Meng Yao had to hold back a snort. Wei Ying was almost certainly going to break several rules just by virtue of his existence but he had already promised to try his best so Meng Yao wasn’t too worried. 

As they walked further into the Cloud Recesses, Meng Yao looked around and was struck by how faithfully the Lan Sect had rebuilt their home. At first glance, it was near identical to the Cloud Recesses he had known. But, on closer examination, he could see the small differences. While the buildings were rebuilt in the same places as the originals and as closely as possible to what they were replacing, the wood of the buildings before him was smoothed down with age, the details of the decorative carvings different. Seeing it all gave Meng Yao the strange sensation of seeing something that was almost familiar.

“Sect Leader Jiang, Lady Jiang, your rooms are here,” the disciple said as they stopped at the guest quarters. Sect Leader Jiang nodded a brief goodbye before entering his room while Jiang Yanli left with a sweet smile and a promise to see them later. 

“The dorms for the guest disciples are this way,” the disciple said, gesturing for them to follow. 

“Hey, Jiang Cheng,” Wei Ying said, nudging Jiang Wanyin with his elbow. “You still plan to give Jin Zixuan a shake-down when you see him?”

“He needs one. Maybe it’ll teach him how he should treat A-Jie. Would it kill him to respond to one of her letters?”

Wei Ying nodded, a disgruntled look crossing his face. “Really, though, it’s like Shijie is the only one trying to make something of their engagement.”

“Exactly! Their marriage has been decided anyway, he should try to make the best of it like A-Jie is. Honestly, you should join me in knocking some sense into him.”

Wei Ying glanced at Meng Yao. Meng Yao hadn’t told him much about his half-brother, just that he had grown to like him in his previous life. “Maybe,” Wei Ying finally said, clearly trying to be considerate. “But not while the sect leaders are here or we might doom the alliance before it can even begin to be negotiated.”

“Ugh, that’s true. He better not be rude to A-Jie while she’s here, though. He won’t escape a punch if he does.”

Meng Yao suddenly stopped, a thought occurring to him at Jiang Wanyin’s words. Jin Zixuan was almost certain to insult Young Lady Jiang when they crossed paths, possibly completely unintentionally. If (when) that happened, he would delay his own happiness due to his sheer idiocy and potentially earn himself a beating. 

Maybe, Meng Yao thought to himself, maybe this is my opportunity…

He had been dreading meeting his half-brother again. Jin Zixuan was one of the few on the fairly short list of people that had treated him kindly in his first life. It had been awkward at first but only because of Jin Zixuan’s pitiful social skills. 

Meng Yao didn’t know how he could look his brother in the eyes knowing the role he had played in his death, in consigning his son to live without a father. He knew that he owed Jin Zixuan a debt that couldn’t be repaid.

But, maybe this could be a way to begin to balance the scales. 

“Yao-ge?” Wei Ying looked at him with questioning eyes, waiting for him to catch up. 

Meng Yao shook himself out of his thoughts. “I’m coming,” he said, hurrying forward. 

They were shown to the dorms, where they were assigned with four to a room. All three of them were in the same room, with the fourth not yet present. 

“Who’s our last roommate?” Wei Ying asked the Lan disciple. 

“Young Master Jin is the other guest assigned to this room,” the disciple answered. 

Jiang Wanyin whipped his head around to look at them. “What?! We have to share a room with him ? For a year ?”

The disciple looked uncertain as he answered. “Yes? I believe he was assigned here because of your future relation.”

“Fuck.” Jiang Wanyin stomped further into the room, muttering angrily. 

“Thank you for showing us to our rooms,” Meng Yao said, taking pity on the Lan disciple who clearly wanted to leave. 

“So dramatic, Jiang Cheng,” Wei Ying called out. Jiang Wanyin responded with a rude hand gesture. 

“Will you be okay, Yao-ge?” Wei Ying asked in a quieter voice. 

“Yes,” Meng Yao responded. This would be the perfect opportunity for him to give Jin Zixuan a push in the right direction. “You don't need to be worried,” he added with a reassuring smile. 

“Okay,” Wei Ying said, eyeing him for a few more moments before he seemed to let it go. “Just remember, I’m ready to throw punches, just say the word. 

Meng Yao chuckled. “I’ll remember that.”

{***}

Later, after they had gotten settled, they left the dorms. Jiang Wanyin hurried away to speak with his father, while Wei Ying dragged Meng Yao along on his mission to find Lan Wangji. 

“He’s probably attending lessons,” Meng Yao told him. 

“Then we can wait for him! Do you know where the lessons are held?”

“Mhm. This way.”

He led the way to the lecture halls, glad that the Lans were creatures of habit whose adherence to tradition meant he could navigate the Cloud Recesses just as easily as he had before. 

When they arrived, the lesson seemed to have just ended with the students leaving the hall. Wei Ying looked around, examining the students to look for a familiar face. After most of the crowd had left, a voice came from the doorway.

“Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying perked up, turning to look towards the voice with an excited “Lan Zhan!” When his gaze caught on to Lan Wangji, however, he froze. 

The Second Young Master of the Lan Sect had grown into the elegance that defined his bloodline, though his cheeks still held a bit of the roundness of youth, his jawline not yet fully defined. His intense eyes were locked onto Wei Ying as he stood in the doorway, seeming to have paused on his way out. 

Meng Yao glanced at Wei Ying and immediately had to stifle a snicker. Wei Ying was staring at Lan Wangji with reddening cheeks and a bowled-over expression. “A-Ying,” he whispered, taking pity on the young man and nudging him to pull him out of his daze.

Immediately, Wei Ying slapped his hands over his cheeks, hiding his blush. He began to giggle nervously. “Lan Zhan, it’s so…good…to see you?”

Meng Yao rolled his eyes. Wei Ying prided himself on his charm and yet that was the best he had?

Wei Ying’s words seemed to spur Lan Wangji back into motion and he began to walk towards them. “Mn. Welcome.”

“Uh…thank you. It’s, um, been a while.”

“It has. It is good to see you.”

Wei Ying squeaked, blush deepening. 

Meng Yao couldn’t stand to watch the painful awkwardness any longer. “A-Ying, why don’t you let Lan Wangji show you around?”

“Uh, sure? I mean, as long as Lan Zhan is okay with it?”

“Mn. Please come with me.”

Wei Ying glanced back at Meng Yao with wide eyes as he went to follow Lan Wangji. Meng Yao smiled encouragingly and shooed him on.

He wondered if Wei Ying would manage to figure out his own feelings now that he had seen Lan Wangji again. He doubted it, but Wei Ying had managed to surprise him before. 

He decided to return to the dorms and rest while he had the room to himself. He wondered when the Jin contingent would arrive and somewhat dreaded it. Not because of anything they would do to him. No one knew of him anyway. Rather, he was more worried about what emotions would be dragged to the surface upon seeing them. In the last few years, his resentment towards his father had been pushed to the side in favor of more immediate concerns. He hadn’t forgotten it nor his desire to drag his father from his lofty perch. But he couldn’t afford to have that consume him when a war loomed in the horizon. 

As if summoned by his thoughts, he saw a flash of gold as he neared the dorms. 

Jin Zixuan and the other guest disciples from the Jin Sect were heading to the dorms. His half-brother looked so painfully young, even with the air of arrogance he tried to put on. If anything, it made him look even younger, a boy trying to appear a man with put-upon confidence. 

A rush of emotions swept over him, chief among them a clawing guilt that tore at his gut. He had seen who Jin Zixuan would grow into before and how much struggle it had taken him to get there. He had seen Jin Zixuan leave behind his insecurity to become a truly honorable man. 

And, just when Jin Zixuan was getting to build his life and family, Meng Yao had sent him to his death.

As Meng Yao stared, his regrets crashing over him, he lost track of his surroundings and his foot caught on a stray stone in his path. He braced himself for the fall, cursing his inattentiveness. 

But then a pair of hands caught his arms and, rather than falling to the ground, he fell into a warm chest. He stayed there for a moment, the surprise keeping him still before he jerked away with an apology on his lips. The words stuck in his throat when he saw who had caught him. 

Warm amber eyes met his and a gentle smile greeted him. 

“I was just coming to find you,” Lan Xichen said. 

Meng Yao hurriedly started to bow, taking the opportunity to avoid meeting Lan Xichen’s gaze long enough to gather himself, but before he could lower himself fully, a hand grasped his arm, keeping him upright. 

“No need for that. We’re old friends, aren't we, Meng Yao? Ah, or should I call you Meng Ziyao now?”

Meng Yao shook his head numbly. The name didn't sound right on Lan Xichen's lips. He only ever wanted to be known to Lan Xichen by the name that held no expectations. "Meng Yao is fine," he said quietly. Lan Xichen's smile widened and Meng Yao’s heart clenched. The ache in his heart made the words slip out before he could consider them. “It’s so good to see you.”

Lan Xichen's eyes warmed with fondness. “I am glad to see you as well. Welcome to the Cloud Recesses.”

{***}

Wei Ying headed back to the dorms after spending the last hour with Lan Zhan. His cheeks were still warm, as they had been the entire time he was in Lan Zhan’s presence. 

Lan Zhan had quietly led him through the Cloud Recesses, pointing out where everything was. The entire time, Wei Ying had nervously chattered about whatever thought crossed his mind. He was too occupied staring at Lan Zhan to filter his thoughts. 

After all, the friend he remembered was a cute child with rounded cheeks and startling gold eyes.

Now, though, his friend was a young man with broadening shoulders, a sharpening jaw, a deepening voice, yet with those same golden eyes. A young man of peerless beauty.

Wei Ying suddenly understood the recent talk of the Lan brothers as the Twin Jades.

When they had toured the entire area (Wei Ying didn't remember a single thing, having barely heard Lan Zhan through his racing thoughts), Lan Zhan had led him back to the dorms. They had stood together silently for a moment, Wei Ying feeling strangely reluctant to leave Lan Zhan. 

“Hey, Lan Zhan.”

“Mn?”

“I’ll talk to you soon?” 

A strange uncertainly had made Wei Ying fidget with his fingers. He had felt like he had to make sure that the young man before him was still his friend, the same friend who thoughtfully read his rambles and responded with care. 

“Mn. I look forward to it.”

And, just like that, the uncertainty had been swept away by exhilarated relief. 

He had waved to Lan Zhan and headed into the dorm. When he got to the room, Jiang Cheng was still out, presumably still with his father. Yao-ge, however, was sitting on his bed, a troubled look on his face. As soon as he heard Wei Ying, he wiped the look away, meeting Wei Ying’s eyes with a knowing smirk. 

“So, how was your time with your Lan Zhan?”

“It was good,” Wei Ying said, refusing to rise to the bait. “But what about you? You looked upset.”

Yao-ge looked away. “It’s nothing. Just…the Jin contingent arrived.”

“Oh shit. Are you okay?”

“I didn’t speak with any of them. I saw Jin Zixuan heading for the dorms but I met Lan Xichen and waited until I saw Jin Zixuan leave before coming back to the room.”

“Oh, you met Lan Xichen? I’m sure you were happy to see him,” Wei Ying grinned teasingly at Yao-ge.

“As happy as you were to see Lan Wangji, I’m sure.”

Wei Ying knew that Yao-ge was trying to imply something but resolutely ignored it. “So, did you guys talk, was it a reunion for the ages?”

“Oh, stop, we just spoke a little before he had to leave. He said he came to find me so he could welcome me.”

Wei Ying smirked, poking Yao-ge’s shoulder. “You mean the sect leader himself took the time to see you.”

Yao-ge rolled his eyes. “He’s not the sect leader yet.”

Wei Ying waved a dismissive hand. “He’s as good as. Not like his father has acted as sect leader since before we were born. Anyway, you can’t distract me! You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. You’re such a mother hen.”

“Shut up, you should be grateful for my love.”

“Sure. I’m really fine, though. I had already prepared myself to see them. But, I’ve decided something that I don’t think you’ll like.”

Something I wouldn’t like? Wei Ying frowned. He asked hesitantly “what is it?”

“I’m going to help Jin Zixuan improve his relationship with Young Lady Jiang.”

“What?! Why? He’s the one who hasn’t put in effort into their engagement.”

“I know and he’s an idiot but a better person than you think.”

Wei Ying narrowed his eyes. Yao-ge was saying that with a lot of confidence. “What do you know?” he asked suspiciously.

“I know that Jin Zixuan and Young Lady Jiang will have a happy marriage.”

Ugh , just the thought of that made him irritated. How could Jin Zixuan ever deserve Shijie when he couldn’t be bothered to write a single letter? “If you already know their marriage will go well, why do you need to help him?”

Yao-ge sighed. “Jin Zixuan has truly unfortunate social skills and he bumbled his way to their marriage after ruining his chances multiple times. Really, you should be happy. If I help him now, it will save Young Lady Jiang all the heartache caused by Jin Zixuan’s idiocy.”

“That’s…a good point, actually,” Wei Ying admitted reluctantly. He petulantly added,  “I can help if you need me to. But only for Shijie!”

Yao-ge shook his head. “Thank you, but that won’t be necessary.” A sad look briefly crossed over his face. “It’s my debt to pay.”

Oh . Wei Ying suddenly realized that something must have happened between Yao-ge and Jin Zixuan in his previous life. Something that made Yao-ge feel like he had to make it up to Jin Zixuan. 

“Okay,” he said simply. “I understand.”

“Thank you, A-Ying. But,” Yao-ge added. “It wouldn’t hurt for you to try to befriend him.”

Wei Ying instinctively cringed at the thought. But he didn’t want to refuse after he just offered to help Yao-ge. “Uuuugh. Fine . I’ll try.”

“Try what?” Jiang Cheng’s voice came as he entered the room.

“Nothing!” Wei Ying exclaimed immediately and internally cringed at his obviousness.

Jiang Cheng raised a brow, clearly not buying it. Thankfully, it seemed he decided it wasn’t worth it to press his question, as he switched topics. “Father said that the Nies will be a few days late. Apparently, there were Wen soldiers lingering around the Unclean Realm and Sect Leader Nie didn’t want to leave until they confirmed the soldiers had cleared the area.”

The reminder of the brewing conflict was sobering. “They didn’t actually attack, did they?” After all, the past year had seen the attack of several smaller sects and the annihilation of two that didn’t bow to the rule of Wen Ruohan.

“No, there were a handful of skirmishes but Sect Leader Nie went to deal with them himself and the soldiers retreated.”

Despite the fact that it was technically good news, that didn’t make Wei Ying feel any better. The fact that the Wen Sect was beginning to encroach on one of the Great Sects was a worrisome sign. 

“Wen Ruohan is feeling out the resistance of the larger sects,” Yao-ge said with a creased brow. “The response has to be strong and swift, else Wen Ruohan will see an easy target.”

Jiang Cheng nodded wearily. “That seems to be the approach that Sect Leader Nie took. We should follow their lead.”

“A united response would be the best deterrent. But, I suppose that will be determined at the conference.”

A sound at the door to the dorm stole their attention. The door slid open and Jin Zixuan walked in. As soon as he saw the three of them, he froze. For a few moments, it was silent as they stared at the newcomer and he stared back. Finally, he blinked and came further into the room, silently going to the last available bed.

Wei Ying immediately bristled. What, does he think he’s too good to greet us? 

“Oi,” Jiang Cheng growled. “The Young Master Jin won’t grace us with a greeting?”

Jin Zixuan looked over at Jiang Cheng and his chin tilted up. “I could ask the same of you.”

This peacock !  

Wei Ying’s shoulders tensed as irritation simmered. Jiang Cheng took a step towards Jin Zixuan, face reddening. 

Yao-ge suddenly stood, drawing their attention. “Good evening, Young Master Jin,” he said with a bow.

When he rose, he met Jin Zixuan’s eyes. Wei Ying looked between them and was suddenly struck with a realization as he looked at their profiles. While their feature were otherwise different, which made sense considering how much Yao-ge looked like his mother, Wei Ying didn’t have to have seen Jin Guangshan to realize that they both had his nose.

Oh. Jin Zixuan is really Yao-ge’s brother , Wei Ying belatedly realized. He felt an uncomfortable twisting in his stomach. 

“Good evening,” Jin Zixuan replied. “Um…who are you?”

“Meng Yao, courtesy Ziyao.”

Jin Zixuan nodded awkwardly. “Good to meet you.”

Yao-ge glanced over at Wei Ying and gave him a meaningful look. He knew what Yao-ge wanted him to do, unfortunately, and he sighed internally. But, he had already promised, so…

“Young Master Jin, good evening,” he said with a bow. Jin Zixuan returned the greeting. “I’m Wei Ying, courtesy Wuxian.”

Having greeted two of the inhabitants of the room, Jin Zixuan seemed to feel obligated to drop his argument with Jiang Cheng and greet him as well, which he did reluctantly. Jiang Cheng returned the greeting just as reluctantly, then added “Did you properly greet my sister?”

Jin Zixuan’s expression twisted as if he had tasted a sour lemon. “My father and I greeted Sect Leader Jiang and Young Lady Jiang shortly after our arrival.”

The tension returned to Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. “Do you have some kind of problem with that?”

Jin Zixuan lifted his chin arrogantly and looked away. “Why would I?”

Wei Ying clenched his jaw, irritation building again at the careless remarks. He heard Yao-ge sigh and glanced over to see him rub his temples wearily. 

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Jiang Cheng growled. “You have some nerve acting like greeting my sister is a bother.”

“I didn’t say that, did I?”

“You didn’t have to!”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Wei Ying shouted, moving to stand between Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan. He glared at Jin Zixuan. “If you have a problem with Shijie - which would make you a massive idiot - at least have the decency to not humiliate her with that attitude in public.”

“That’s not…I wasn’t trying to-”

“‘Wasn’t trying to,’ my ass! Are you being purposely obtuse or are you just stu-”

“Young Master Jin,” Yao-ge interrupted, cutting Wei Ying off. “You must realize that if you, as Young Lady Jiang’s fiance, react with distaste to the mere mention of her, people will assume unkind things about her. At the least, you must learn to react neutrally or she will become a laughingstock.”

Jin Zixuan didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. “That…wasn’t my intention.”

“Yet that will be the ultimate result,” Yao-ge responded. He then smiled a bland smile that gave away nothing. “And I’m sure that’s not what you want.”

“Um…no, it’s not.”

Yao-ge’s smile widened. “Wonderful! So, we’ve reached an understanding.”

Jin Zixuan looked somewhat confused at how he had been pulled along to that conclusion but he nodded and wisely decided to remain silent and go about his business. 

Jiang Cheng looked between Yao-ge and Jin Zixuan incredulously. He opened his mouth but, before he could speak, Yao-ge said “Isn’t that great, Jiang Wanyin?” 

Jiang Cheng stared at Yao-ge with a poleaxed expression that was hilariously identical to the look Jin Zixuan had given Yao-ge. After several moments, he sighed. “You and your silver tongue, Meng Ziyao.”

He didn’t say anything else, which was basically an agreement. Yao-ge smirked, having gotten his way just as he almost always did. 

Wei Ying suddenly felt a lot more hopeful about the future. With Yao-ge on their side, they were certain to succeed.

{***}

The rest of the night and the start of the following day was filled with awkward silence in their dorm. Whenever Jin Zixuan was present, an uncomfortable tension was in the air. Jiang Cheng, probably feeling the discomfort, left as early as he could with a final glare at Jin Zixuan. 

After he left, Yao-ge beckoned to Wei Ying. When Wei Ying went over, Yao-ge whispered to him “I want to try to speak to Jin Zixuan before the Nie delegation arrives and things get serious.”

Wei Ying nodded, understanding Yao-ge’s logic. “Right, that makes sense.”

Yao-ge looked at him meaningfully and glanced at the door. 

“Oh! Right, I’ll…find somewhere to be.”

With that, he left the dorm and, at first, did intend on entertaining himself by exploring the Cloud Recesses. But, then his curiosity got the better of him and he stopped. He shifted uncertainly, looking back at the dorm. 

He probably shouldn’t but he really wanted to know what Yao-ge would say to Jin Zixuan. It wouldn’t hurt, right? After all, he needed to know so that he could help Yao-ge out if needed. 

Yao-ge probably won’t mind , Wei Ying decided. He was the one who had repeatedly said that Wei Ying should learn to be sneakier. Really, he was just following Yao-ge’s advice. 

He nodded, having fully convinced himself, and he quickly made his way back.

Wei Ying heard Yao-ge’s voice as he neared their dorm and his steps slowed. He quietly made his way to the door and carefully opened it slightly.

“-should take the opportunity to speak with Young Lady Jiang while she’s here.”

Jin Zixuan seemed to take offense to that. “What right do you have to tell me that? I didn’t ask for this engagement.”

Wei Ying’s fists clenched but he remained silent. 

“No, but you’ve let your resentment prevent you from bothering to get to know your fiance. If you speak to her, you might find that you like her.”

“What is there to like?”

Wei Ying’s nails dug into his palms and he had to force himself to stay put, reminding himself to trust Yao-ge.

“That’s something for you to determine. I’ve found that she has many qualities to admire. But, of course, such things are subjective.”

Yao-ge’s calm, non-confrontational attitude seemed to deflate Jin Zixuan’s irritation. “And if I find nothing to admire?” He asked in a petulant tone. 

“Then, I will help help you get the engagement dissolved. As it stands, you are only hurting her feelings by ignoring her attempts to deepen your relationship. Surely your honor can’t stand to allow you to continue making a young lady cry.”

“That’s…” Jin Zixuan trailed off, seeming unable to maintain the facade of anger.  “I was making her cry?”

“You were. She has sent many a letter with no response, not even a half-hearted letter with the most basic of courtesy.”

“I…haven’t read the letters.

Seriously? Wei Ying thought incredulously. What an ass!

Yao-ge sighed. “Young Master Jin, you understand that reading them would have been the easiest way to begin to get to know your fiance?”

Jin Zixuan seemed to bristle, as he protested “I hated how everyone made such a fanfare whenever a letter came, as if it was something I should be happy about. I was getting letters from a stranger!”

“And she remained a stranger each time you refused to read a letter.”

“...I guess. I still have them,” he added, as if that made the situation better. “They’re in my rooms at Koi Tower.”

“Then, if you find that you may like Young Lady Jiang after spending some time with her, perhaps you should retrieve the letters to read them.”

Jin Zixuan hummed noncommittally. 

After a few moments, Yao-ge spoke. “I could arrange to give you a reason to speak with her,” he offered.

“I don’t need help to speak with my fiance,” Jin Zixuan protested. 

“As you say,” Yao-ge said, not pressing his point.

After a few moments of silence, Jin Zixuan spoke. “But, um…do you know when she’ll be somewhere without her brother? I don’t think Jiang Wanyin likes me.”

“He doesn’t,” Yao-ge said bluntly. “But it’s because you’ve been rude to his sister. He’s likely to stick close to her side while she’s here.”

“But then how can I-”

“ However , I can have him distracted to give you time to speak with Young Lady Jiang without him hovering.”

“Okay. That would be…appreciated.”

Wei Ying decided to slip away, having heard enough. He hated to admit it, but Jin Zixuan actually didn’t seem to be as insufferable as Wei Ying expected. If the other party wasn’t Shijie, he might even be able to spare some sympathy for him.  

Jin Zixuan still irritated him though. He might be biased, but he couldn’t help but think the young sect heir was an idiot for being unable to see all of Shijie’s amazing qualities. 

And there was something else that was making Wei Ying annoyed with Jin Zixuan that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He assumed it was Jin Zixuan’s general snobby existence. It had him hoping that Yao-ge would be able to achieve his goal for Jin Zixuan without needing Wei Ying’s help.

It was a hope that was immediately squashed that evening.

Wei Ying pouted at Yao-ge. “I don’t want to.”

“A-Ying, you’re the one who offered to help.”

“Yeah, but…” He found that he couldn’t describe his reluctance. It wasn’t a resistance to the thought of Jin Zixuan speaking with Shijie. He actually thought it would be good for them to speak so that their engagement could move forward positively or be ended if needed. But, he still didn’t want to.

However, he had promised to help, so… “Okay, I’ll get Jiang Cheng away from Shijie. Maybe I’ll take him to Caiyi for a few hours. Oh, I can ask Lan Zhan to come too!”

Yao-ge smiled. “Thank you, A-Ying,” he said sincerely. 

For some reason, that just made Wei Ying’s stomach twist uncomfortably again.

The following morning, he fulfilled his role and dragged Jiang Cheng to Caiyi under the pretense of getting a decent meal after the last few days of bland food. As they were heading out, he looked around for Lan Zhan. When he found him, he yelled his name excitedly, waving him over.

Lan Zhan approached with a brief glance at Jiang Cheng before focusing his attention on Wei Ying. “No shouting,” he said.

“Oh, right, sorry,” Wei Ying said with a dismissive wave of a hand. “We’re going to Caiyi to get some food, do you want to come?”

Lan Zhan hesitated. “If it would not be an imposition,” he finally said.

“Not at all, come on!”

Lan Zhan nodded and came to his side. As soon as he was, Wei Ying forgot about the mystery of was bothering him. How could he worry about anything with Lan Zhan by him? He looped his arm around Lan Zhan’s, ignoring the swoop in his stomach as he briefly pressed against Lan Zhan’s side, and pulled him along.

Their trek down the mountain was a mostly one-sided conversation with Wei Ying chattering about whatever came to mind, Jiang Cheng throwing in a comment every once in a while, and Lan Zhan contributing hums of acknowledgment. 

“Oh, hey, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said as they were nearing the bottom of the mountain. “I’ve been meaning to ask, can you show me the techniques you use with your guqin? I’ve been wanting to see musical cultivation in person for so long!”

“Mn. Perhaps after the conference.”

“Yeah, that’d be amazing! I’ve heard you can speak with spirits with a guqin, is that true?”

“Mn. Inquiry. The cords are used as a language which the spirits can use to respond.”

“Wow, that’s incredible! You have to show me that sometime!”

“Mn.”

As they neared the town, Wei Ying asked “hey, Lan Zhan, what’s your favorite restaurant?”

Lan Zhan thought about it for a moment. “There is a restaurant by the lake. It is pleasant to sit in.”

“Do they have spicy food?”

“Mn.”

“Then, lead the way!”

As they followed Lan Zhan, Wei Ying noticed Jiang Cheng eyeing him suspiciously. 

“What?” he asked quietly. 

“I thought Lan Wangji was your friend .”

Wei Ying tilted his head in confusion. “He is, though?”

Jiang Cheng just narrowed his eyes, staring suspiciously for a few moments before looking away. “Just don’t embarrass the sect.”

“O…kay?” Wei Ying didn’t understand but he wasn’t going to ask any questions. Maybe Jiang Cheng was upset that he hadn’t been paying much attention to him while he spoke to Lan Zhan?

He nodded to himself. That must be it! He decided to put in the effort to make sure Jiang Cheng was included in the conversation.

The restaurant that Lan Zhan took them to was beautiful. It had multiple, wide windows, giving the interior a bright, airy atmosphere. When sitting by the window overlooking the lake, it was like they were sitting right atop the water. After they ordered, Wei Ying found himself entranced by the view.

While he gazed out on the lake, a shadow swept by the edge of his vision. He turned to look towards it, but only saw sparkling blue water. He frowned. He could swear he had seen something. Something with a whisper of maliciousness. 

A water ghoul ? he wondered, examining the lake.

Jiang Cheng nudged his shoulder. “Wei Wuxian?”

Wei Ying shook his head and looked away from the water. “Sorry, I thought I saw something. It’s nothing, I guess.”

“Something in the lake?” Lan Zhan asked with a trace of concern.

“I thought so, but I guess it was just my imagination. Oh!” Wei Ying’s eyes widened as their food was brought. It was the first time since their arrival at the Cloud Recesses that he saw food with a color other than white or green, and the sizzling red made his mouth water. 

As soon as the food was set down. Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng pounced. It took several minutes for Wei Ying to notice that Lan Zhan wasn’t eating, instead eyeing the food with wariness. 

“Lan Zhan,” he said between bites. “Try it, it’s so good!” He carefully picked out a particularly flavorful piece of tofu and placed it in the small bowl of rice that Lan Zhan had left untouched in front of him. Lan Zhan picked up his chopsticks and hesitantly picked up the piece of tofu. Wei Ying watched with anticipation, excited to see Lan Zhan’s reaction to the food. As Lan Zhan lifted it to his mouth, Wei Ying belatedly remembered what Yao-ge had told him about the Lan Sect members’ spice tolerance. 

“Ah, wait, Lan Zhan-”

Before he could say any more, Lan Zhan ate the small bite of tofu. Wei Ying cringed, waiting for the negative reaction. Lan Zhan chewed slowly, expression completely still. He swallowed and cleared his throat.

“Flavorful,” he commented in a suspiciously hoarse voice. 

Wei Ying felt strangely guilty but also found Lan Zhan’s reaction to be oddly adorable. He giggled, pushing a cup of tea closer to Lan Zhan. “It’s okay, you don’t have to like it.”

“It was good,” Lan Zhan insisted. 

Wei Ying beamed. “I’m glad you thought so. But, you know, I think I want some different flavors. Why don’t you order your favorite dish? I want to try it!”

Lan Zhan nodded, shoulders relaxing ever-so-slightly. When he turned to call for the server, his hair shifted and Wei Ying noticed that Lan Zhan’s ears were reddened. 

So cute , he thought fondly.

When they finished eating, Wei Ying insisted that they walk through the market to buy Yao-ge more time. He pulled Jiang Cheng along, stopping every once in a while to examine the wares. Lan Zhan walked sedately behind them, quietly waiting whenever they got distracted.

When they reached a stand that sold instruments, Wei Ying made to walk by but slowed as he saw how beautiful the wares were. In particular, a dizi carved of dark wood caught his eye. 

“Are you going to get a new one?” Jiang Cheng asked, seeming to notice where his eyes landed. “It’s been a while since the one you had fell in the lake.”

Auntie Meng had taught Wei Ying and Yao-ge how to play a few instruments. “To ensure you’re cultured gentlemen,” she had told them. Wei Ying had tried all of them, but the only one he had really taken to was the dizi. He had bought one to play as a passing interest but, unfortunately, it had fallen into a lake and it was cheap, so the wood had distorted, making it unplayable. 

“I don’t know,” Wei Ying said, staring at the dizi. “I don’t want to get another one that will break as easily as the last one. And the high-quality ones are pricey. Maybe another time,” he decided. 

“There are spare instruments kept at the Cloud Recesses,” Lan Zhan said from behind them. “As a guest disciple, you may use them.”

Wei Ying perked up. “Really?!”

“Mn.”

“Then, we’ll have to play together sometime! Though, I’m sure you’re much better with a guqin than I am with a dizi.” With a last lingering glance at the dizi that had caught his eye, he continued through the market. 

Once they had seen their fill, stopping a few more times to buy some of the snacks sold at various vendors, Wei Ying decided that he had distracted Jiang Cheng long enough and they made their way back to the Cloud Recesses. 

“I’m going to give this to A-Jie,” Jiang Cheng said, referring to the sweets he had saved from their purchases. He went off in the direction of the guest quarters. 

“I must go,” Lan Zhan said, and made to head off.

“Oh, wait,” Wei Ying said, a hand reaching out to grab Lan Zhan’s sleeve unconsciously. Lan Zhan stopped and looked back at him.

Wei Ying gazed back, not sure why he had stopped Lan Zhan. He was again reluctant to part, even though they had spent an afternoon together. It didn’t seem long enough.

“Um, can you show me where the instruments are kept later?”

Lan Zhan nodded. “I will.”

“Okay, um, good. Then, I’ll see you later.”

“Mn.”

Wei Ying reluctantly let go of Lan Zhan’s sleeve and he left.

With the others gone, Wei Ying began to search for Yao-ge, curious about what had happened. He found him in the library, absorbed in a scroll. 

“Ya-ge, I’m back,” he said as he approached.

Yao-ge looked up. He snorted when he saw Wei Ying’s face. “Looks like you had a good time,” he said.

“I did,” Wei Ying declared. “Hanging out with Lan Zhan is fun.”

“I think most people would disagree, considering his reputation.”

Wei Ying sniffed. He didn’t know how rumors of Lan Zhan being the colder of the Twin Jades had come about. “Then they have bad taste. Anyway, how’d it go with Shijie and the peacock?” he asked as he plopped down to sit beside Yao-ge. 

“I didn’t stay for their whole conversation. But Zixuan told me that it went well. He seemed pleased, at least.”

“Of course,” Wei Ying said, noticing the change in how Yao-ge referred to Jin Zixuan and ignoring the irritated twist in his gut. “How could he not like her once he bothered to speak to her?”

Yao-ge chucked. “As you say. I’ll let things play out organically for now, though I think Zixuan might seek out advice. He’s not very sociable.”

“I got that impression,” Wei Ying said sardonically.

“Don’t be too hard on him, A-Ying. After all, consider the example he grew up with.”

Wei Ying thought about it, considered the rumors he’d heard about Jin Guangshan and what Yao-ge had told him about his absent father. “Okay, that makes sense,” he admitted. “Actually, now I wonder how he’s not worse.”

“Exactly. Truly a wonder where he obtained a sense of decency. Neither of his parents have any.”

Wei Ying looked over in interest. “You knew Madame Jin?”

“Unfortunately. She was as fond of me as Madame Yu is of you.”

Oof. Yao-ge didn’t need to say any more for Wei Ying to understand. “She must have bad taste then. Actually, I’m sure she does if she consented to marry Jin Guangshan.”

Yao-ge laughed. “I don’t disagree. Really, you should pity Zixuan.”

The twisting in Wei Ying’s gut tightened. “I guess so. He’s not lucky enough to have someone like Auntie Meng.”

“Truly unfortunate. But, you know,” Yao-ge continued contemplatively, “I actually do pity him in a way I didn’t before. I don’t think I’ve ever told you, we were born on the same day.”

“Really? The exact same day?”

“The exact same day,” Yao-ge confirmed. “So, we’re exactly the same age. Before, when I looked at him, he was a reminder of the life I could have had. Now, though, I just see a teenager who tries to project confidence to hide his insecurity. Even though we’re still physically the same age, I feel like he’s my younger brother.” Yao-ge paused contemplatively. “I feel…oddly protective of him now.”

Wei Ying’s fists clenched. “I still don’t like him.”

Yao-ge shrugged. “He still has a long way to go. I think you’ll grow to like him when he stops trying to act so pretentious.”

Wei Ying frowned. “I doubt it.”

“No need to be so stubborn, A-Ying.”

“I’m not.”

“Sure.” Yao-ge rolled his eyes. “You’ll see eventually.”

“I don’t think I will.”

This made Yao-ge frown and Wei Ying tensed. “A-Ying,” Yao-ge said in an irritated tone. “I’ve told you before, he’s not like you’ve assumed him to be.”

The tension roiling in Wei Ying exploded. “Then, go to the Jin Sect if you like him so much!”

Yao-ge’s eyes widened, hurt, then fury crossing his expression. “How could you say that?” Yao-ge hissed. “I’ve told you about how things were with my father before and you have the nerve to say that?”

“You haven’t, actually,” Wei Ying scoffed. “You give me pieces of what your life was like before but never a full picture.”

“What? Is that what you’re upset about?”

“No!” Wei Ying growled, frustrated. “I’ve figured that things weren’t pleasant for you and you don’t want to relive it. But…”

“But what?”

“But, you seem to like Jin Zixuan so much, so…”

“So? As fractured as our relationship was before, he was and still is my brother.”

“But, you’re my brother!”

The words came out without conscious thought and, with them, Wei Ying finally realized what had bothered him so much. He had always thought of himself and Yao-ge as brothers in all but blood. But, Jin Zixuan was Yao-ge's brother in blood and in truth. What if…

“A-Ying,” Yao-ge said in a softer voice. “Are you worried that I’ll leave you behind for Zixuan?”

Well, now that he said it, it sounded ridiculous, but… “Yes. No. I mean, I don’t really think that, but…he’s your real brother and I’m…not.” He had to look down, feeling the urge to run away.

It was silent for several moments. Then, he heard Yao-ge shift and, for a second, he thought that Yao-ge was going to leave him there. But, instead, Yao-ge moved to face him and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "A-Ying," he said quietly, but Wei Ying couldn't bring himself to meet Yao-ge's eyes. 

Yao-ge repeated his name and something about the patience in his tone made Wei Ying look up. Once Wei Ying had met his gaze, Yao-ge spoke.

“We may not be brothers in blood but we are brothers in every other way,” he said quietly. “I want to help Zixuan and I would like to have a good relationship with him since that wasn’t possible before. But, that doesn’t make you my brother any less.”

Wei Ying’s heart clenched and the discomfort that had gripped his gut slowly released its grip. He silently dropped his head to rest on Yao-ge's shoulder and whispered "I'm glad you're my brother."

He just barely heard Yao-ge's response. 

"Me too."

Later that evening, he found that he was looking at Jin Zixuan with more tolerance than he had before. He was still annoying, Wei Ying decided. But maybe not as bad as he had thought.

{***}

On their fourth day in the Cloud Recesses, Meng Yao awoke to the news that the Nie Sect had arrived. 

“The sect leaders don’t want to waste any time,” Jiang Wanyin told them. “The meeting will begin this afternoon.”

Meng Yao tensed at the news, months worth of anticipation crashing down all at once. Wei Ying leaned into his side in a gesture of silent support. The morning passed by in an anxious haze and, before he knew it, they were making their way to the meeting hall. 

Meng Yao paused for a moment when they reached the doors.

Then, took a deep breath, and entered the hall.

Chapter Text

When they entered the meeting hall, only the Lan contingent was fully accounted for, other than the sect leader’s absence. Lan Xichen, Lan Wangji, and Lan Qiren sat at the head of the room, talking quietly amongst themselves. 

Meng Yao, Wei Ying, and Jiang Wanyin bowed as they entered, then joined Jiang Fengmian and Maiden Jiang to complete the Jiang contingent. 

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whisper-shouted with a complete lack of subtlety and drawing a disapproving look from Lan Qiren. When Lan Wangji met his eyes, Wei Ying waved, as if he hadn’t just seen the second young master the previous day. Lan Wangji nodded in greeting and Wei Ying’s smile widened. 

Jiang Wanyin glared at him. “You’re embarrassing,” he hissed, elbowing Wei Ying to get him to stop staring at Lan Wangji with stars in his eyes.

“Stop, A-Cheng,” Maiden Jiang scolded. She smiled fondly at Wei Ying. “It’s cute that he’s so happy to see his friend.”

Wei Ying nodded with exaggerated agreement. “See, Shijie gets it.”

Jiang Wanyin rolled his eyes. “Right, he’s happy to see his ‘friend .’” 

Maiden Jiang giggled knowingly and Meng Yao had to suppress a chuckle. Really, Jiang Wanyin, of all people, had noticed Wei Ying’s infatuation, yet Wei Ying himself was still oblivious. He glanced over at the Lan contingent and met Lan Xichen’s eyes, which danced with amusement at the display. Lan Xichen glanced pointedly at Lan Wangji and, upon closer inspection, Meng Yao noticed the reddened ears that were the only indication of Lan Wangji being flustered.

Meng Yao could only hope that they would each notice their own and each other’s feelings sooner rather than later so that they could all be spared having to witness such a pitiful courtship.

At the sound of footsteps approaching, they all looked to the entrance. Sect Leader Nie swept in with his sons behind him. It was somewhat comical seeing the hulking figures of Sect Leader Nie and Nie Mingjue that dwarfed the slight figure of Nie Huaisang. 

Sticking close to Nie Huaisang was Xue Yang, who Meng Yao watched closely. He was still young at about twelve years old. The boy had gained a veneer of properness but his potential for cruelty remained in the glint of his eyes. It was strange that he was brought to the meeting at all, being so young. But Meng Yao quickly realized that he wasn’t just a junior disciple. 

For one, he already had a saber that was strapped to his back. Usually, disciples of the Nie Sect had to wait longer to get their blades, since the sabers required a more advanced control of one’s cultivation than a sword did. Nie Mingjue was the only person in recent memory that was able to earn his saber before the age of fourteen, having gotten his at the age of twelve. That meant that Xue Yang had achieved a feat on par with Nie Mingjue himself. 

It seemed that such an accomplishment had earned him a role as Nie Huaisang’s…attendant? Meng Yao examined how he hovered near the second young master of the Nie Sect, eyes watchful as they swept over their surroundings. 

His bodyguard, then. Meng Yao supposed it made sense to assign Nie Huaisang a bodyguard that could also be a companion nearer to his age. It was perhaps one of the better scenarios to result from Xue Yang’s inclusion in the Nie Sect. Nie Huaisang, in general, was unambitious. So long as the circumstances of before were avoided, Nie Huaisang would remain unthreatening and Xue Yang could focus his aggressive tendencies on protecting the delicate second young master. 

Just as the Nie delegation had settled in, the last group entered the hall. 

As soon as Meng Yao heard the footsteps, he tensed, fists clenching in his lap. He steeled himself and looked over to see him.

Immediately, a dormant rage ignited. The smug expression that Jin Guangshan habitually wore made Meng Yao want to tear into him as he remembered countless moments in which he was humiliated by his father as he wore that same expression. 

How dare you look so pleased with yourself? How dare you, when you left my mother to rot in that brothel, when you abandoned your child?

Meng Yao remembered in an instant how satisfying it had been to see his father die a death as undignified as he deserved.

I should kill him again, destroy him utterly, he doesn’t deserve to live a life of luxury after what he’s done, I should-

His thoughts froze when he felt a hand on his clenched fist. 

He looked over to see Wei Ying watching him with concern.

Right. He wasn’t in his first life. He had already decided that he wouldn’t spend another life preoccupied with his father’s approval. Wasting his second life on orchestrating his father’s destruction would still mean squandering his time on someone who didn’t deserve it.

Yet the fury still simmered within him. Despite what he had decided, his instinctive anger called forth the savage pleasure he had felt at watching his father’s funeral. Maybe he could pull a few strings, bribe a few Jin servants, he would just need to ensure their silence-

No.

You know how this goes , he thought in an effort to convince himself. You know the slippery slope that you’d end up on if you start down that path.

He glanced at Lan Xichen, who looked back with a hint of concern. He glanced between Meng Yao and Jin Guangshan, frowning. 

Meng Yao exhaled shakily and forced a reassuring smile.

“Yao-ge,” Wei Ying whispered. “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” Meng Yao said. He couldn’t stop the seething words that came next. “I hate him.”

“He deserves it,” Wei Ying said, not an ounce of judgment in his voice. “Auntie Meng deserved so much better. So did you.”

Somehow, it was that simple acceptance of Meng Yao’s anger, the validation of his feelings, that made the rage finally ebb. 

Meng Yao managed a small smile that was genuine this time. “Thanks, A-Ying.”

Wei Ying grinned and patted Meng Yao’s hand a couple of times before withdrawing his hand.

Meng Yao took a deep breath and looked around the room. He saw the group of distinguished people who had come together to discuss the fate of the cultivation world and he realized with a rush of satisfaction that he had earned a place in such a meeting without ever having to chase his father’s approval. 

The realization energized him and he straightened, ready now to face the coming diplomatic battle.

Silence reigned for a moment after all the participants had settled in. Then, Jiang Fengmian spoke.

“Sect Leader Nie, I hope the Unclean Realm didn’t sustain excessive damage.”

Sect Leader Nie grunted. “Nothing that can’t be rebuilt. We were lucky. The attackers were just a group of overly-confident soldiers. Not an army.”

Not yet , was left unsaid.

“Isn’t that good?” Jing Guangshan said, looking infuriatingly unbothered. “That means Wen Ruohan doesn’t dare to intrude on one of the Great Sects.”

Lan Qiren shot Jin Guangshan an annoyed glare. “That means nothing to the sects that have already been subjugated. Eight clans in just the past year, three of them annihilated for resisting.”

Jin Guangshan’s self-important smile didn’t falter. Meng Yao could practically hear his thoughts. What do I care about those sects? The Wen Sect isn’t a threat to me. “Peace, Master Lan,” he said. “I only meant that Wen Ruohan’s conquest of such small sects is no indication of his threat to us.”

“For now,” Sect Leader Nie said with a disgruntled look. “Wen Ruohan seems emboldened of late.”

Jin Guangshan laughed condescendingly. “Come now, you don’t truly believe that Wen Ruohan would ever launch a true attack on one of the Great Sects. And, even if he did, he would be doomed to failure. Your victory, Sect Leader Nie, is a testament to that.”

Jin Guangshan’s flattery seemed to mollify Sect Leader Nie, though he remained skeptical. 

“I don’t disagree entirely,” Lan Qiren said. “If only in the sense that it would be unwise for us to act in such a way that we would be seen as the instigators of a war.”

Lan Xichen looked troubled by this line of thinking. “In doing nothing, we would also be staying silent in the face of conquest and massacre.”

“And ultimately ensuring the longevity of our own sects,” Jin Guangshan said.

“At the expense of others,” Nie Mingjue said, looking offended at the idea of such an unrighteous act.

Jin Guangshan didn’t look the least bit distressed at the thought. Jin Zixuan looked like he wanted to speak up but couldn’t bring himself to speak so openly against his father. A general sense of reluctance and uncertainty overtook the room.

Jiang Fengmian glanced at Meng Yao. Knowing what he intended, Meng Yao nodded. 

“Wen Ruohan’s attacks will eventually come to our sects,” Jiang Fengmian said. “And he would be met with some success.”

This drew skeptical looks from around the room. “You seem to think lowly of our capabilities,” Sect Leader Nie grumbled. 

“Not at all,” Jiang Fengmian said. “Your forces are worthy of the greatest admiration. However, we have certain knowledge of what might come from a valued member of our sect.”

“A seer?” Lan Qiren asked.

“Indeed,” Jiang Fengmian confirmed, looking meaningfully at Meng Yao.

Meng Yao nodded and addressed the room. “Wen Ruohan’s greed will not be sated. I have seen how it will consume the cultivation world.”

“And who are you?” Jin Zixun sneered like the insufferable numbskull he was.

Meng Yao saw Wei Ying tense out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t concern himself with the ramblings of his idiot of a cousin, though. He smiled instead. “This one is Meng Ziyao.”

“Never heard of you.”

Meng Yao wanted to roll his eyes. He was gratified at the uncomfortable look on Jin Zixuan’s face and the fact that he elbowed Jin Zixun with a quelling glance. 

“Who are you, then?” Wei Ying spoke, glaring at Jin Zixun.

Jin Zixun sputtered. 

“Wei Wuxian, you idiot, that’s Jin Zixun,” Jiang Wanyin said.

Wei Ying put on an exaggerated look of contemplation, then shrugged. “Never heard of him.”

Meng Yao had to suppress a smile as Jin Zixun’s face turned red with embarrassment. 

“A-Xian,” Jiang Fengmian scolded half-heartedly. 

“My apologies,” Wei Ying said with a complete lack of sincerity. 

Sect Leader Jiang turned his attention to Jin Zixun, giving him a reproachful look. “Meng Ziyao is, as I said, a valued member of the Jiang Sect. He has seen what will happen if Wen Ruohan continues unopposed. I have personally verified the veracity of his knowledge.”

Jin Guangshan spoke with clear doubt. “You must understand, Sect Leader Jiang, that this is difficult to believe.”

“Indeed I do. After all, I was similarly skeptical when Meng Ziyao came to me and told me that he had seen a vision of the future. However, he accurately predicted multiple events. He knew information that he could only have known if there was some other force at play.”

“Is there any proof?” Jin Guangshan said.

That drew some uncomfortable shifting. It was disrespectful to ask such a thing when Sect Leader Jiang himself had given his word of the truth. Yet Meng Yao could see that Jin Guangshan was not the only person in the room reluctant to believe the claim. 

Jiang Fengmian looked wrongfooted, seeming to have expected that his word would be enough. Meng Yao had seen this coming, though, and was already prepared.

“Certainly,” he answered, with a saccharine smile. “Is it proof enough to tell you I know about the pearls?” It was a risk to bring up the pearls and potentially have Jin Guangshan look at him close enough to realize why he really knew about them. But it was also the only thing that was subtle enough to say in front of others and pointed enough to prove his claim.

He watched with satisfaction as Jin Guangshan paled. The rest of the room was confused, including Jin Zixuan. Meng Yao maintained his smile.

“Sect Leader Nie,” he continued. “I know about the crypt.”

Sect Leader Nie’s eyes widened, but he otherwise schooled his expression. Nie Mingjue, meanwhile, couldn’t hide his shock. Nie Huaisang hid his expression behind his fan. 

Meng Yao’s smile softened as he turned to the Lans. He had had to think long and hard about what to say to persuade the Lans that Xichen hadn’t already told him in his correspondence and that wouldn’t distress Xichen. “Grandmaster Lan, I know about the inverse songs.”

He gave Xichen an apologetic look before he turned his gaze back to Jin Guangshan. “Have I provided sufficient proof?”

The room was silent for several moments. “I think you have,” Lan Xichen eventually said when it was clear no one else would speak. There was no protestation at his statement. 

Lan Qiren, having gathered himself, asked “Then, Wen Ruohan will truly encroach on our sects?”

“More than that,” Meng Yao replied, the resurfacing memories weighing on his shoulders. “The Wen Sect will nearly annihilate almost every sect present.” Tension seeped into the air, charging the atmosphere in the room. “The Wen Sect will first attempt to exert control by demanding that each sect send its heirs for reeducation in the Nightless City.”

“Who would sink so low as to obey such a demand?” Sect Leader Nie asked, outraged.

An echo of grief sank into Meng Yao as he remembered. “There won’t be a choice. When the Lan Sect attempts to refuse, the Wen army will come to the Cloud Recesses and burn it to the ground. Second Young Master Lan will be taken by force.”

Meng Yao could feel the three pairs of eyes that fell heavy on him. He met Lan Xichen’s eyes briefly and saw the fear that couldn’t be fully hidden. 

“The sects will comply with the Wen Sect’s demand. That won’t stop the destruction. The Wen Sect will proceed to sack Lotus Pier and massacre the sect. A war will start. The Sunshot Campaign.”

“Is this…” Lan Xichen’s voice shook slightly. “Is this really what the future holds?”

Meng Yao met his eyes. Not if I can help it , he thought to himself, remembering how bruised and bloody Lan Xichen looked after the burning of the Cloud Recesses and reaffirming his determination to ensure it wouldn’t happen again.

“Not necessarily,” Meng Yao answered. “Having knowledge of what may be will allow us to ensure it never is.”

“In trying to avoid one catastrophe, we may cause another,” Lan Qiren said, looking uncharacteristically rattled. 

“Meng Ziyao and I have discussed this,” Jiang Fengmian said. “There may not be a way to avoid conflict entirely but there are certainly ways to mitigate it. Wen Ruohan is powerful enough that invading Nightless City outright is unlikely to be anything other than a suicide mission. The best way to proceed is to institute an inter-sect alliance of forces.”

“Wouldn’t it be wiser to avoid Wen Ruohan’s wrath?” Jin Guangshan said, his cowardice getting the better of him. Meng Yao relished in seeing his obvious discomfort. 

“That would only delay the subjugation,” Meng Yao responded, shaking his head. “It may prevent destruction but the best case scenario would be ceding authority to the Wen Sect, allowing them to exert their control through supervisory offices in each sect. One way or another, the sect would cease to exist.”

“Then what do you propose?” Sect Leader Nie asked. 

Meng Yao ceded the floor to Jiang Fengmian, since his role was completed. 

“Our best protection,” Jiang Fengmian began, “is to have a warning system that will allow us to quickly request reinforcements if there is an approaching attack. This will require that we each strengthen our look-outs and that we have a way to quickly alert the other sects of an approaching attack and request reinforcements.”

“And if there are attacks on multiple sects?” Lan Qiren said. “If a sect sends reinforcements to another, it leaves itself vulnerable to attack.”

“We have knowledge of the size and capabilities of the Wen Sects forces. It’s not likely that the Wen Sect would have the forces to launch large-scale attacks on more than one sect at a time. In the unlikely scenario that they still try, the inter-sect communication system will be invaluable.”

“So we would be on the defensive?” Sect Leader Nie interrupted, looking displeased at the thought. 

“Not quite. Meng Ziyao also has knowledge that will help us disrupt the Wen Sect internally. There is a faction that can be persuaded to turn their backs on Wen Ruohan. We will also be able to discreetly disrupt further attempts at conquest, as Meng Ziyao has some knowledge about their tactics and movements. This way, if a war is inevitable, we will have cut into the Wen Sect's power and potentially gained an inside source. In the meantime, we can use this time to prepare for some logistics, should we need to maneuver and supply an army.”

 It was silent for several moments as everyone considered the plans. 

Sect Leader Nie spoke first. “I agree.”

Lan Xichen met Lan Qiren’s eyes and seemed to come to a mutual understanding. “The Lan Sect is in agreement,” he said. 

All eyes fell onto the Jin contingent. Jin Zixuan was looking at his father expectantly. Jin Zixun looked like he had sucked a sour lemon. Jin Guangshan, the coward, clearly didn’t want to get involved. However, refusing to do so in this situation would be a massive embarrassment to the Jin Sect. It was clear that he was aware of this and he finally forced out “agreed.”

Meng Yao's shoulders relaxed and he let out a long breath. 

Over the next few hours, plans were made. 

It was agreed that each sect would strengthen and expand the area of their watches. Should any sect see an approaching army, they would immediately alert the others. The mechanism they would use was of Wei Ying's invention, a set of connected charms that would allow one holder to send a message that would appear on the other charms, though the size of the message would be limited. The sect leaders would hold the charms, with Lan Xichen holding it for the Lan Sect.

Beyond that, they would be cautious about any action against the Wen Sect. Meng Yao provided all he remembered about the supply lines and army routes of the Wen Sect, which they would disrupt as much as they could without gaining suspicion. However, he refused to provide information on the Dafan Wens, as he didn’t trust that everyone present would use the knowledge appropriately. 

Jin Guangshan was furious at his refusal. “What do you gain by protecting these Wens? Where does your loyalty lie?”

The implication was obvious and Meng Yao tensed. However, before he could say anything, Maiden Jiang spoke. 

“Sect Leader Jin, Meng Ziyao’s loyalty is unquestionable. His decision is entirely practical. The identity of our possible allies within the Wen Sect must be treated with the utmost care, lest we put them in danger. Rest assured, I will take responsibility for initiating contact with them.”

Before Jin Guangshan could continue to bluster, Jin Zixuan interjected. “Then, we can rest at ease knowing this task is in your capable hands, Maiden Jiang.” 

Maiden Jiang smiled at Jin Zixuan and he immediately flushed. Jiang Wanyin looked annoyed, glancing between his sister and her fiance. 

They concluded by laying out the framework of the logistics of a possible war. Maps were brought and potential supply lines were routed to allow ease and speed of movement between the sects. They determined what supplies would need to be stocked and decided what strategies they would have their disciples practice across the sects to better allow for cooperation on the battlefield. 

By the time they adjourned, it was dark. The participants left with tense expressions and hurried steps. Meng Yao remained seated, waving Wei Ying off with the promise that he would follow in a moment.

He let out a shaky breath, feeling the day’s tension slowly seep out of him. A smile pulled at his lips with the satisfaction of having secured multiple diplomatic victories. But it faded quickly as the stark reality of what these plans meant sunk in.

This was it. 

They were on their first step back to the Sunshot Campaign. 

Chapter Text

The sect leaders left the morning after the conference. Uncle Jiang and Shijie stayed long enough to have breakfast with them. Just as they were saying their goodbyes, Jin Zixuan shuffled up hesitantly. Wei Ying had to stifle the urge to glare at him when he realized the peacock was looking at Shijie. 

Jin Zixuan glanced at Yao-ge, who simply made a subtle hand gesture, as if to say ‘go on.’ He looked back at Shijie and cleared his throat nervously. “Um, Maiden Jiang, Sect Leader Jiang, I hope you have a safe journey.”

“Thank you, Young Master Jin,” Uncle Jiang responded with an amused twinkle in his eye. 

Jin Zixuan seemed to steel himself before meeting Shijie’s eyes. “M-Maiden Jiang, I’ll write to you.”

Shijie’s eyes widened, a slight blush rising to her cheeks. Jiang Cheng made a choked sound and started to step forward, but Wei Ying grabbed his arm. Yao-ge had assured him that Jin Zixuan was a decent man and he hadn’t seen anything to disprove that, so - very reluctantly - he was going to refrain from interfering with Jin Zixuan’s attempts to improve his relationship with Shijie. 

Shijie smiled and suddenly Jin Zixuan was the one blushing. “Then, I’ll look forward to your letters,” she said.

“Right, of course,” Jin Zixuan’s voice was strained and his blush deepened. “Um, goodbye.”

He bowed jerkily, turned around, and walked away as quickly as possible without technically running. 

Jiang Cheng glared after him suspiciously. “A-Jie, let me know if he writes anything rude in his letters. I’ll beat him up.”

“A-Cheng,” Uncle Jiang said scoldingly.

Jiang Cheng reluctantly muttered “sorry.”

Shijie giggled. “There won’t be any need anyway, A-Cheng. Young Master Jin is a gentleman.”

That didn’t seem to convince Jiang Cheng but he refrained from protesting. 

Wei Ying sidled up to Yao-ge, who watched with faint amusement. “Was that your doing?” he whispered.

Yao-ge shook his head. “No, that was entirely Zixuan. I told you, he just needed a nudge in the right direction.”

“Huh.” Wei Ying had to admit that Jin Zixuan was actually managing to shift his opinion of him. Just a bit though! He was still going to keep an eye on him.

{***}

Lessons officially started the next day. As soon as he walked into the lecture room, Wei Ying looked around until he found Lan Zhan sitting in the front row. 

Of course he’s at the front, he thought fondly. Wei Ying would prefer to sit further back but he wasn’t going to pass up the chance to sit by Lan Zhan. He skipped up to the desk beside Lan Zhan and plopped down. 

“Hi, Lan Zhan!”

Golden eyes met his. “Good morning.”

He wasn’t sure why but having Lan Zhan’s eyes on him made him wiggle in place with excitement. 

Yao-ge sat at Wei Ying’s other side, while Jiang Cheng sat behind him. He ignored the exasperated look he got from both. 

“Hey, Lan Zhan, do you know what the lessons are going to be about?”

“Mn. We will first learn of the Lan Sect rules.”

That made Wei Ying’s excitement dim slightly. “And then?”

“We will learn of the histories of the Great Sects.”

“…and then?”

“We will review the basic principles of cultivation.”

“Argh, Lan Zhan, that’s so boring!”

Lan Zhan gave him a slight frown. “It is essential information.”

“Sure, but everyone here already knows all that! Aren’t we going to learn some night hunting techniques of the Lan Sect? Practice sword-fighting or archery? Learn advanced level cultivation?”

“Eventually.”

“When?!”

“That is planned for the second half of the lectures.”

Wei Ying slumped over his desk. “That’s not for months,” he groaned. 

“Mn.”

Wei Ying turned his head to peek at Lan Zhan. “Won’t you be bored? It’s not like any of this is new to you.”

“It is good to review the basics,” Lan Zhan said sedately. 

Wei Ying pouted. He didn’t have the chance to complain further, though, since Lan Qiren entered the room, quieting any chatter. 

Wei Ying tried to pay attention at first. He really did! But any possibility of that fell to the wayside within a few minutes of Lan Qiren’s monotone lecture. His gaze wandered and landed on Lan Zhan, who sat still, posture perfect and gaze focused. 

How is he able to pay such close attention? He already knows all this and Lan Qiren isn’t exactly riveting. 

He glanced at Yao-ge and saw that he was seated properly, eyes forward and, by all accounts, seemed to be paying attention. But Wei Ying could see the slight distance in his eyes that Yao-ge got when his thoughts were elsewhere. 

He glanced over his shoulder and saw that Jiang Cheng’s eyes were fully glazed, completely unfocused on the lesson.

He turned back to Lan Zhan, who was still looking steadily forward. His gaze lingered on Lan Zhan’s profile. On his sharp cheekbones, still holding the slightest softness of childhood. On the smooth line of his brow. On the gentle curve of his lips. On his startling gold eyes, framed with dark, curling lashes.

He’s so handsome , Wei Ying thought absently. It really was no wonder that he and his brother were known as the Twin Jades. 

He leaned his cheek on his hand, eyes caught on his friend. 

“Wei Wuxian!”

Wei Ying startled at Lan Qiren’s shout. “Huh? I mean, yes, Teacher Lan?”

“What is rule 24?” 

The look he gave Wei Ying made it clear that he had noticed Wei Ying’s distraction and wasn’t expecting him to know the answer. 

Shit, Yao-ge’s going to be so mad at me . He had promised not to get into trouble and somehow managed to do so in the very first lesson. He looked over at Yao-ge and immediately looked away when he saw the glare aimed his way.

Well, it’s good that Yao-ge forced me to learn all the rules before we came . It had been so that Wei Ying would know them so that he could avoid breaking them (as well as he could manage), but he supposed it would come in useful now. 

“Um…be diligent with your studies?” he answered, hoping he had remembered correctly. 

Lan Qiren narrowed his eyes, giving him a suspicious look for a few moments before he sniffed and turned away. “Correct.”

Wei Ying’s shoulders relaxed and he shot a relieved grin at Yao-ge, who rolled his eyes but smiled slightly in return. 

He managed to at least act like he was paying attention for the rest of the lesson, entertaining himself by doodling discreetly and sneaking glances at Lan Zhan. When the lesson was finally- finally- adjourned for a break, Wei Ying shot up to his feet. Once Lan Zhan had stood, he hooked his arm through Lan Zhan’s to tug him out of the lecture hall ahead of the other students. 

“Wei Ying, the next lesson will begin soon,” he protested, though he continued to allow himself to be pulled along. 

“We’ll be back in time,” Wei Ying assured him. “I want to stretch my legs.” He supposed he could have just gone by himself or dragged someone else along, but he really wanted to spend time with Lan Zhan!

Lan Zhan slowed, but didn’t tug his arm away from Wei Ying’s grip. “There is another path that is pleasant for walking. This way.”

He guided them to a path that looped behind the lecture halls, then took a turn towards the forest. Wei Ying gasped as they rounded the turn and he took in the sight of the trees, obviously carefully maintained by the sect, that towered on each side of the path, arching up and over. It created an area that felt enclosed but not confining. Rather, it was like the trees protected the path, filtering the sun into a pleasant, green-tinged light and muffling the sounds of people going about their business nearby. The flowers that bloomed on the trees permeated the area with a lovely, gentle scent. 

“Wow,” he said quietly, not wanting to break the peace. “This is beautiful.”

“This path is used by those who wish to practice walking meditation.”

“I can see why. It’s so peaceful.”

Wei Ying wandered down the path, keeping a small grip on Lan Zhan’s sleeve as he went. 

Suddenly, he wondered if this oasis of peace had been destroyed by Wen Xu in the future that Yao-ge had lived. The thought made his stomach turn and he had to stop for a moment to shake off the image of charred trees framing a scorched pathway. 

“Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying looked over to meet Lan Zhan’s concerned eyes. He managed a small smile. “I’m fine,” he reassured. 

Lan Zhan frowned slightly, clearly unconvinced. 

“Anyway,” Wei Ying continued before Lan Zhan could insist on an answer, “what do you want to do after lessons?”

Lan Zhan examined him for a few more moments before apparently deciding to let it go. “I will go to the library.”

“Why? I’m sure you don’t need to study anything from these lessons.”

Lan Zhan hesitated before he answered. “I have been tasked with copying the most valued texts of the Lan Sect.”

Wei Ying frowned, somewhat confused. Was Lan Zhan being punished? What could he have possibly done that he had to copy nearly a library’s worth of-

Oh. 

Of course. 

It was the Lan Sect’s backup plan if the worst came to pass. 

“Then, I’ll hang out with you while you’re there,” he finally said, determined not to let the somber reality of a looming war prevent him from enjoying the present. “I’ve heard the Lan Sect’s library holds the wisdom of a thousand lifetimes! I want to see what theories have been speculated on by the Lan Sect’s greatest minds.” He paused, suddenly worried he was being presumptuous. He looked uncertainly at Lan Zhan. “Um, that is, if you don’t mind me joining you?”

“I do not,” Lan Zhan responded immediately, and relief swept through Wei Ying. “I would…enjoy your company.”

Wei Ying beamed, all of the troubles of the future forgotten. 

{***}

Meng Yao wasn’t avoiding Lan Xichen, per se. He was simply…avoiding places that Lan Xichen would likely be. 

“That means you’re avoiding him, Yao-ge,” Wei Ying accused, not buying Meng Yao’s weak effort at prevaricating. 

“I am not,” he insisted regardless. “If we were to cross paths, I would not run or hide.”

“The fact that you even have to say that isn’t the argument you think it is.”

“It is. Avoiding is to intentionally keep oneself away from someone or something. I simply have no business in the areas where Xichen would regularly be found.”

Wei Ying narrowed his eyes. “You’re going to hurt his feelings,” he said, landing the jab precisely where he knew it would sting.

Meng Yao didn’t have a rebuttal to that. He knew that Xichen would eventually notice that Meng Yao wasn’t seeking him out and remained distant when they met by coincidence. He knew that the realization would upset him, would likely make him worry that he had done something to offend Meng Yao. 

Yet, his heart, the horrifically weak thing, still trembled at the thought of seeing Xichen again, of slipping back into a place in Xichen’s life when he had once been cast from it. It had been one thing to maintain a correspondence, but to spend significant amounts of time together, to converse as they had in Meng Yao's first life...the thought of it felt like pressing on an unhealed wound. It was what he longed for yet he knew how much it hurt when he was barred from it.

“I can’t,” he whispered. 

He heard Wei Ying sigh, then shift to sit beside Meng Yao, pressing their shoulders together. 

“Well,” Wei Ying said with false cheer and a ham-fisted attempt to change the subject, “today, Lan Zhan-“

Meng Yao immediately groaned. “Please, if I have to hear about your mooning over Lan Wangji any further, I might never be able to look him in the eyes again.”

“I’m not mooning! He’s my best friend.”

“Right,” he replied, the word dripping with sarcasm. 

Wei Ying sniffed in a put-upon offense. “I don’t appreciate your tone. Are you going to accuse me of mooning over Nie Huaisang, too, now that we’re friends?”

Meng Yao tensed. “Of course not,” he said quickly, hoping Wei Ying didn’t notice. 

But, of course, he had. “Do you not like Nie Huaisang or something?” he asked, shifting away to meet Meng Yao’s eyes. 

“No, that’s…he hasn’t even done anything to make me dislike him.”

“Not yet,” Wei Ying said and Meng Yao cursed his perceptiveness. 

“Not ever. He acted against me in response to something I did. I don’t intend to repeat what I did, so he won’t have any reason to bear a grudge.”

Wei Ying was quiet for a moment. “Did you do something to him?”

“No. It was someone he cared about.”

“Do you regret it?”

Meng Yao had to think about that. Did he regret killing Nie Mingjue?

Not really. At the time, it had been that or wait for Baxia to strike him down. 

Perhaps he regretted how he did it, unintentionally making Lan Xichen complicit in the death of their sworn brother. He regretted the hurt that Lan Xichen had suffered when he learned the truth. 

A small part of him regretted the hurt he had brought Nie Huaisang, who had been the only person who didn’t look down on Meng Yao during his time in the Nie Sect. Not to mention it had been that hurt that had caused Meng Yao's death.

“No,” Meng Yao answered slowly. “I don’t regret doing something I had to do to survive. I only regret the collateral harm it caused. However, the circumstances that existed at that time will never come to pass. I have no intention of harming that person. Truthfully, I intend to stay away from him to the best of my ability. We never did see eye-to-eye.”

“Will it make you uncomfortable to be around Nie Huaisang? I don’t want to bring him around if it will bother you.”

Meng Yao smiled fondly at Wei Ying’s sincere concern. “No, I’ll be fine. I have no grudge against him and he has no reason to have one against me.”

The door slammed open suddenly and Jin Zixuan came in, a panicked look on his face. “Ziyao, Maiden Jiang wrote back, what should I do?”

Meng Yao sighed, elbowing Wei Ying when he heard him snicker. 

“What did she write?” He asked, turning to Jin Zixuan and preparing for what was about to be a long talk. 

{***}

Wei Ying had known that the Lan Sect’s library was vast, yet the sheer volume of books had still taken him by surprise the first time he went. Much of it was on subjects he already knew, and a significant number were treatises about the Lan Sect’s disciplines. Even so, there were still volumes upon volumes with information on every method of cultivation, every beast or ghost, every curse ever recorded. 

Over the first several weeks of the lectures, Wei Ying spent time almost every day devouring the information contained in the library. Some days, he would join Lan Zhan in the library after lessons and stay with him until they both left for dinner. Sometimes, he would join Lan Zhan later or leave a little earlier to play around with Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang. On rare occasions, he would wave Lan Zhan ahead with profuse apologies and promises to join him the next day. 

Beyond getting the chance to explore the information stored in the library, he delighted in spending so much time with Lan Zhan. While they sat together, Lan Zhan would quietly copy while Wei Ying read yet another book and pulled Lan Zhan into a discussion whenever something interesting caught his attention. 

One day, nearly two months into the lectures, Wei Ying was wandering along the shelves to look for another book to read. His eyes caught on one tucked at the very end of a shelf, noting the title: “On the Use of Ambient Energy.”

Ambient energy? Curious, Wei Ying pulled out the volume, thumbing through it. He caught snatches of theory on how one could draw on the spiritual energy contained throughout nature to temporarily strengthen one’s own cultivation. 

Seems like something that could be useful in an emergency, he considered. Though the fact that it can kill the plants and animals that are drawn from makes it a method of last resort. 

It made sense that it wasn’t widely taught, with how a power-hungry cultivator might carelessly kill in order to fuel their own power. 

He began to make his way back to Lan Zhan with the book when he noticed something near the end. He stopped to read with his full attention, excitement bubbling. When he reached the end, he rushed back to where Lan Zhan sat and plopped down beside him. 

“Lan Zhan, look at this,” he said, leaning in to show Lan Zhan the book. “Here,” he added, pointing to the lines. 

He waited impatiently as Lan Zhan read. 

“It’s like the theory I wrote you about a few months ago,” he exclaimed as soon as Lan Zhan looked up. He froze, losing his train of thought when he realized how close Lan Zhan’s face was. He belatedly noticed that he had leaned fully into Lan Zhan, making their shoulders press together. 

“Sorry,” he said, hurriedly shifting away. 

“It is fine,” Lan Zhan said, though he seemed unable to meet Wei Ying’s eyes. 

Hesitantly, Wei Ying moved back until his shoulder slightly brushed Lan Zhan’s. When Lan Zhan didn’t pull away, he smiled, somehow overjoyed that Lan Zhan accepted his closeness. 

“Anyway,” he continued, forcing his thoughts back on track, “this proves my theory.”

Lan Zhan considered for a few moments before he spoke. “I disagree. This theorizes on the potential use of ambient resentful energy. Your theory was about taking control of active resentful energy.”

“But it says here that resentful energy could possibly be used, as long as one’s golden core is strong enough to neutralize the energy.”

“Only resentful energy that is not attached to a creature. It would not have a will of its own.”

“Okay, I get what you mean, but if ambient resentful energy can be used-“

“Possibly.”

“-can possibly be used, then the same technique can be applied to resentful energy as a whole. Whatever measures that could neutralize the ambient version can be used against a ghost, they would just need to be stronger.”

“Wei Ying-“

“I think, for ambient energy, just cycling it through one’s core would work, just like when resentful energy from some ghost gets caught on a cultivator during a hunt.”

“Wei Ying.”

“Having a purification talisman, or, better yet, the Lan Sect’s purification songs, would make it safer. For the after-effects of using more active energy, though, it would require more potent purification measures-“

“Wei Ying!”

Wei Ying blinked, pausing his racing thoughts. “What?”

“This is a theory . There is a reason it was never put into practice.”

“ Yet . I know it’s potentially dangerous. It would require creating a safe method to do something no one has ever done before.”

“No one ever should.”

Wei Ying frowned, irritation bubbling up. “Lan Zhan, don’t be so close-minded. This could be a whole new branch of cultivation.”

“It is forbidden.”

“So? That’s just because no one has figured out how to use it yet.”

“It is dangerous.”

“It could be. I’m not saying anyone should try it without precautions, but isn’t it worth exploring?”

“No.”

“Lan Zhan ! Why are you being such a fuddy-duddy?”

“You could be hurt.”

That made Wei Ying pause long enough to actually register Lan Zhan’s expression. He didn’t look angry or judgemental. He looked worried . 

He felt his anger deflate and he sighed. “I’m not going to go out and experiment with resentful energy all willy-nilly. I don’t have a death wish. For now, it’s just theorizing.”

Lan Zhan’s frown didn’t ease. “‘For now,’” he echoed pointedly. 

“How about this: I promise I won’t mess with resentful energy without telling you. If I manage to come up with a theory that I think will actually work, I’ll let you know.”

“…Fine.”

Wei Ying took the reluctant concession as the best compromise he could expect for now and turned his attention to reading the treatise thoroughly. 

Lan Zhan’s shoulders remained tense for the rest of the afternoon. 

{***}

Meng Yao had managed to limit his interactions with Xichen for over two months now and it was wearing on his nerves. His task was made easier considering Xichen’s time was being taken up with meetings and correspondence regarding the looming war. He only saw Xichen in passing and he tried to slip away as soon as he could. 

Somehow, seeing quick snatches of Xichen made it harder to maintain his determination to avoid him. It reminded him of how much he missed Xichen. Each time he caught a glimpse of him or was pulled into a brief conversation, his heart squeezed, both from longing for his beloved and an ache of grief.

His resolution was tested when, one day, he found Xichen waiting for him after the conclusion of the day’s lectures. He froze when he saw him and contemplated running away but then Xichen noticed him and he couldn’t bring himself to so obviously avoid Xichen. So he smiled and went to him. 

“A-Yao,” Xichen greeted with a warm smile. “How was the lecture?”

“Enlightening,” Meng Yao responded neutrally. 

Xichen chuckled. “I’m sure they haven’t been very interesting when you already know the content.”

“They have been a much-appreciated review.” Meng Yao allowed a slight sardonic tone to slip through. 

“I’m glad. But, I hope a bit of a break would be welcome?”

“A break?”

“Nothing you would miss a lesson for. I have a day away from…preparations. If you would like, we can take the opportunity to spend this afternoon together?”

Yes! Meng Yao wanted to say immediately. 

Wait, no, this is exactly what you’ve been trying to avoid!

“I…may be doing something with A-Ying-“

“Nope,” came Wei Ying’s voice. He slung his arm around Meng Yao’s shoulder. “Yao-ge is totally free! Right, Yao-ge?”

Meng Yao glared at Wei Ying, who grinned unrepentantly. He smoothed his expression over when he turned back to Xichen. “Yes, I must have mistaken the day. I have no other plans today.”

Xichen smiled. “Wonderful. Then, would you like to have dinner together? There's a restaurant in Caiyi that I'm quite fond of.”

“Of course. I’ll meet you at the gate in a few minutes.”

Meng Yao grabbed Wei Ying’s arm as he walked away towards the guest dormitories. 

“A-Ying, what did I tell you?” He hissed. 

“You need to actually talk to him,” Wei Ying insisted. “I know that you’re afraid to, that you've got some issues from your previous life, but you’re going to hurt him and yourself if you keep doing this. Besides, I think you owe him an explanation after what happened at the conference.”

Meng Yao didn’t have an answer to that. He glared at the ground, frustrated with himself. 

“Yao-ge,” Wei Ying continued, voice softening, “if things don’t go well, I’ll help you keep away from Xichen-ge. But give it a chance first.”

Meng Yao closed his eyes and sighed. Then, a sudden rush of indignation rushed through him. He had been many things in his life but a coward had never been one of them. Why should he start now?

He opened his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Okay.”

Several minutes later, a small part of him wished that he would have taken the coward’s way out. Xichen had decided that they should fly down the mountain to make the most use of their time. As they each flew on their respective swords, Meng Yao’s eyes had been drawn to his companion. Xichen’s bright white robes rippled from the force of the wind, contrasting with the ink-black hair that streamed behind him. 

He had seen the sight many times in his previous life and had never tired of it. 

He realized now how much he had missed it. 

He wanted so much to be with Xichen. In this life, he had a respectable enough status that he could even meet him as a peer (though, Xichen had always treated him as a peer, despite the world’s insistence that they were not). The only thing stopping him was the same thing that lingered in his nightmares. 

The memory of a pair of amber eyes, staring at him with grief and betrayal. 

That won’t happen again, Meng Yao reminded himself. He had allies this time. He had options . He wouldn’t have to make the same choices he’d made in his previous life. 

His conviction in his newfound path and his fear at seeing those eyes again warred with each other, stirring up knots of emotion that had followed him since his death. 

This is why I didn’t want to go, A-Ying, he thought somewhat petulantly. 

Xichen called his name and indicated where they should land. Meng Yao nodded, as if he hadn’t traveled this same path countless times before. 

They landed together, then began to walk into the town. Meng Yao glanced at Xichen, who looked the very picture of serenity. 

“I’m sorry,” he suddenly said, finding the silence strangely uncomfortable. 

Xichen looked at him with polite confusion. “For what?”

“For not telling you about what I know.”

“Oh. You shouldn’t feel sorry for that. It’s not something that can be said in a letter, is it?”

“I suppose not,” Meng Yao conceded. “Still, I didn’t mean to shock you during the conference. I hope you don’t feel uncomfortable that I know certain information about the Lan Sect.”

Xichen hummed consideringly. “If it was someone I trusted less, perhaps I would be. But, I’ve already divulged much about myself and my sect during our correspondence, so I don’t mind that you know more.”

Meng Yao’s heart throbbed. Xichen had always so easily affected his heart. 

“A-Yao, may I ask you something about the future you saw?”

“You may, though I can’t promise that I’ll be able to answer.”

“Did I…Was I a good leader?”

Meng Yao was suddenly made painfully aware of Xichen’s youth. He looked over at his companion and saw the look of uncertainty on his face. He had seen that same expression many times during the beginning of Xichen’s time as sect leader. 

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m sure you know that my father is not in good health.” Meng Yao nodded in confirmation. “His condition has deteriorated recently and I worry that I will take his mantle earlier than I ever anticipated.”

Meng Yao was a bit surprised at that. In his first life, Qingheng-Jun had survived long enough to see the destruction of the Cloud Recesses, which was nearly two years away. It was odd that his health was declining faster in this life. Though, he supposed such things were often a matter of chance and Qingheng-Jun may have rolled a different fate this time around. 

“Xichen.” Meng Yao said, pausing his steps so that he could look at Xichen fully. “You became a leader admired throughout the cultivation world. The Lan Sect flourished under your leadership. Even after the tragedy that nearly destroyed the Cloud Recesses, you led the Lan Sect through rebuilding and becoming even stronger.” 

To the rest of the world, your only mistake was trusting me. 

Xichen smiled hesitantly. “Thank you for telling me. It…helps.”

Meng Yao smiled back and they continued on their path. 

“May I ask you one more thing?”

“Go ahead.”

“Were we close in the future you saw?”

A fond smile tugged at Meng Yao’s lips. “We were closer to each other than we were to nearly anyone else.”

A lovely smile spread on Xichen’s lips and the tips of his ears reddened. Meng Yao was somewhat thrown by the reaction, not sure why Xichen seemed this pleased at the knowledge that they were close friends in the previous future. Surely he wasn’t…

“I’m glad,” Xichen said. “There are few people outside of my family that I enjoy spending time with this much. I hope we will have more opportunities to spend time together during your stay.”

Meng Yao’s heart, the foolish thing, squeezed at the sweet earnestness in Xichen’s voice. Curse him for a fool but he couldn’t force a distance between them that Xichen clearly didn’t want. 

“Why don’t I help you with your duties? I believe my knowledge will come in useful while you plan for what is to come.”

“That would be wonderful! We can meet in the evenings after dinner, if you’d like.”

“Alright,” Meng Yao forced himself to say casually while he shoved down the giddiness he felt at the promise of seeing Xichen so often. 

He really was a fool.

{***}

Lan Zhan was acting strange. Throughout the entire afternoon, he refused to meet Wei Ying’s eyes and fiddled with something in his sleeve. He didn’t respond to any of Wei Ying’s attempts at conversation. Not that he usually spoke much in response to Wei Ying’s ramblings but Wei Ying could tell that he was listening .

Wei Ying was restless, a strange itchiness under his skin. He had to get Lan Zhan’s attention. 

“Um, Lan Zhan?”

He received only a distracted hum in response. He suppressed a pout and shuffled closer to Lan Zhan, tugging idly at his sleeve.

“I’ve been reading about the theories behind musical cultivation. I’ve been thinking, the idea of using the music to direct spiritual energy can probably be applied to resentful energy.”

That got Lan Zhan’s attention. He gave Wei Ying a sharp look.

“I’m just theorizing! The Lan Sect has specific songs for certain goals, right?” Lan Zhan nodded. “But, you’re not limited to those songs?”

“No. Most prefer to use only the songs, as they are tried and true tools. However, one can use individual notes or short melodies to meet whatever need arises.”

“What about writing new songs?”

“No one has done so in many years. There are no rules against it. Creating a new song would require extensive knowledge and the ability to test it.”

Wei Ying nodded in understanding. “I get it, it’s easier to stick with what you know will work instead of trying to create something that might fail.”

“Mn.”

"But, that means that a song to manipulate resentful energy could be written. It might even be a safer way to use resentful energy, now that I think about it. Pass the energy through the instrument rather than one's own body. Maybe with an instrument that has purification sigils carved into it? What do you think?"

Lan Zhan considered for several moments. Then, very reluctantly, he said "it would be a safer method. Still dangerous," he added on, with a pointed look at Wei Ying.

"Potentially dangerous," Wei Ying replied and received an unimpressed look in response. "I should do some more research into sigils, then. Are there any good references you know of?"

"Mn. I will show you."

Despite his obvious disagreement with Wei Ying's idea, he led the way to a shelf filled with tomes about sigils and arrays. Wei Ying examined them and picked out a few before making his way back to the table where Lan Zhan had already returned. 

Lan Zhan glanced up at him and shifted to allow Wei Ying to sit beside him again. Wei Ying grinned, glad to have gotten Lan Zhan’s attention back. He sat down and slouched until he was leaning his shoulder carefully against Lan Zhan’s arm. Lan Zhan only paused in his writing for a moment before he resumed without protesting Wei Ying’s closeness. Taking that as an approval, Wei Ying leaned his weight fully against Lan Zhan and spent the rest of the afternoon reading in that position, reluctant to move away.

When they got up to go to dinner, Wei Ying ventured to ask “Hey, Lan Zhan, can you show me where the spare instruments are kept? I want to try out musical cultivation now that I’ve learned some of the theories.”

Lan Zhan stopped in his tracks. Wei Ying paused, looking behind him with confusion. “Lan Zhan?”

Lan Zhan took something long and thin out from his sleeve. Was that what he had been fiddling with before? Wei Ying wondered.

Then, Lan Zhan held the object out to Wei Ying, meeting his gaze with intense gold eyes. “For you,” he said.

Wei Ying stared at the object, not registering what Lan Zhan said for several moments. “For…for me ?”

“Mn.”

Lan Zhan got me a gift?

Wei Ying felt his heart squeeze, his cheeks warm, his stomach flutter. He took the object with careful hands. He unwrapped the soft cloth and saw the shine of polished, dark wood. He gasped as he realized what it was. He stroked the dizi he had seen while at Caiyi with Lan Zhan. He heard a soft clack and noticed a tassel hanging off the dizi. It was a lovely jade ornament, decorated with clouds. 

“Lan Zhan,” he whispered, overwhelmed. “It’s beautiful. But, isn’t this too much? Just the dizi was so expensive…”

“I wanted to get it for you.”

He met Lan Zhan’s eyes, saw the determination in them, and couldn’t argue any further. He curled his fingers around the dizi, clutching it to his chest. “Thank you.”

And then his breath caught in his throat as Lan Zhan smiled and completely overturned Wei Ying’s world. “Mn.”

Oh no , Wei Ying thought to himself as he felt his stomach swoop. Yao-ge was right. Jiang Cheng was right.

Wei Ying returned to his quarters in a daze. He went straight to his bed, ignoring the other occupants, and fell face-down into it.

“Oi, what’s wrong with you?” Jiang Cheng asked.

Wei Ying answered into the pillow.

“Huh? Pull your head out of the pillow before you speak.”

Wei Ying turned his head slightly. “I…might like Lan Zhan. Not as a friend.”

His words were met with silence. 

“‘ Might?!’ ” Jiang Cheng said incredulously.

“Oh good, you’ve finally realized,” Yao-ge remarked calmly. 

“Wait, Lan Zhan as in Lan Wangji ?!” Jin Zixuan exclaimed confusedly and, really , who invited him to Wei Ying’s mental breakdown? 

Wei Ying groaned his agony. “What do I do? Yao-ge, please help me.”

“Perhaps you could tell Lan Wangji,” Yao-ge suggested delicately.

Wei Ying shot up, the very thought of telling Lan Zhan making him flush. “No! That would make him so uncomfortable!”

Jiang Cheng snorted.

Yao-ge walked over to Wei Ying’s bed and sat down. “Why do you think so?” he said in the tone of someone talking to a toddler.

“It’s not like he feels the same way. He’s just going to either feel bad that he can’t return my feelings or feel disgusted with them.”

“Oh my god,” Jiang Cheng said in a disbelieving tone.

“I think you’re mistaken,” Yao-ge insisted.

“You like Lan Wangji ?” Jin Zixuan said, still stuck on that point.

Wei Ying shot Jin Zixuan a glare, offended on Lan Zhan’s behalf. “Yes, I do! Why shouldn’t I? He so nice and smart and skilled and handsome and-”

“Please stop,” Jiang Cheng interjected. “I think I might throw up if I have to hear you fawn over Lan Wangji.”

“I am not fawning, that was all the objective truth!”

“Oh my god,” Jiang Cheng repeated. “I can’t deal with this, I’m going to sleep.” He laid down on his bed, pulled the covers over his head, and promptly ignored the rest of the room.

Jin Zixuan wisely decided to follow suit.

Yao-ge patted Wei Ying’s back. “I’ll let you indulge in some wallowing for now,” he said in a deceptively gentle tone. “You may want to do yourself a favor and actually pay attention.”

“To what?”

Yao-ge smiled enigmatically and refused to answer.

Wei Ying shoved his face back into his pillow.

{***}

Over the last month, Meng Yao had been meeting with Xichen almost every night. Most of that time was spent on the progressing plans of war. Often, though, they spent some time in idle chatter. 

Four months after the conference, much of the logistics had been implemented. The sects had each instituted their interconnected warning system and bolstered their defenses. Supply lines were drawn should the worst-case scenario come to pass with a full-scale war. 

And then there was the task that Maiden Jiang had undertaken. She had been sending him periodic updates as she communicated with Wen Qing. So far, she had gotten Wen Qing to tentatively agree to send her any information she came to know about Wen Ruohan’s plans. 

“We’re hoping we can negotiate an agreement for Wen Qing to launch a coup internally if we are able to weaken Wen Ruohan’s forces from the outside,” Meng Yao told Lan Xichen. 

“Do you think there’s a possibility she will agree?”

“Yes. She does not agree with Wen Ruohan’s actions and she likely isn’t the only one. However, her priority is her family and she won’t do anything if it puts them in danger.”

“Ah, I see, so that’s why you refused to name them during the conference.”

“Exactly.”

“Then, we’ll need to ensure her family’s safety.”

“That’s easier said than done. It would require all four of the Great Sects to agree that any non-combatants within the Wen Sect should be left alone. And that one of us houses Wen Qing’s family until Wen Ruohan is dealt with to prevent any chance of him retaliating against her by harming them.”

“Hmm. I’m sure the Elders will agree that the Lan Sect won’t take action against any Wen that don’t participate in the war. Housing them, however, might be a more difficult proposition to convince them of.”

“There may not be a need. Maiden Jiang has already been discussing the possibility with Sect Leader Jiang. She wants to make the offer to Wen Qing with a complete plan in place.”

Xichen nodded. The serious look on his face eased a bit as he smiled slightly at Meng Yao. “We’re fortunate to have your aid,” he said. “I can’t imagine how things would go without you. Not just your knowledge. Your cleverness is incomparable.”

Meng Yao’s cheeks flushed. “You’re too kind.”

“It’s only the truth.”

Meng Yao found himself too flustered to respond. After a few minutes of quiet, he ventured to speak again. “How is your father?”

Xichen sighed. “Not well. The healer said it’s as if his soul is ready to leave this world.”

Meng Yao hesitantly reached out a hand to place it on Xichen’s. 

Xichen smiled at the contact but his smile quickly faded. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before he slowly spoke. “Is it terrible of me to say that I feel no sense of grief over the thought of my father’s death?”

No , Meng Yao thought to himself. I reveled in the death of mine. 

“I don’t think so,” he said aloud. “How well do you know him?”

“Not at all.”

“Then, you can’t mourn him personally. At most, you might mourn the concept of a father rather than the person he was.”

Xichen considered his words quietly. “I think I feel a sense of guilt because I did mourn my mother. But, I did know her, even though Wangji and I were only allowed to see her once a month. During that time, we were made to understand without a doubt that she loved us. And we loved her.”

“I’m glad you were able to have a positive relationship with one of your parents, then.”

Xichen turned over his hand to hold Meng Yao’s. “Thank you,” he said. After a few moments, he asked “what about you? I've met Lady Meng and you’ve mentioned her in your letters but I don’t recall any mention of your father.”

Meng Yao had to take a deep breath to ease the instinctual tension in his shoulders at the mention of his father. “My father was never interested in being a part of my life,” he said. He hesitated for a moment before adding “he isn’t in the habit of claiming children he had out of wedlock.”

Xichen blinked and understanding flashed across his face. “I see,” he said simply. “It’s his loss, then, to lose the opportunity to know you.”

Meng Yao smiled, both at Xichen’s unhesitating acceptance and at how his words echoed what Wei Ying had told him so long ago. 

“Indeed. He’s a cultivator, and my mother had wanted me to join his sect to train.”

Alarm widened Xichen’s eyes. “Wait, it isn’t Jiang Fengmian, is it?”

“No! No, Jiang Fengmian allowed us to join the sect because he knew A-Ying’s parents. I…well, I knew that my father would not accept me, so I didn’t bother to ask.”

Meng Yao watched Xichen’s face and saw the moment that Xichen put a few pieces together and realized who Meng Yao’s father likely was. Tactful as ever, though, he let the subject go. 

“Then, I’m glad you were able to have a positive relationship with one of your parents,” he said with a smile. 

Meng Yao laughed. “Me too. My mother did not have an easy life but she didn’t allow it to wear her out. I admire her for that. She’s the one who taught me to read and to play several instruments.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you knew how to play instruments. We should play together sometime.”

We did, before. It was one of the things that brought me the greatest joy. Remembering all the times they had spent serene afternoons playing music together brought a soft smile to Meng Yao's face. “I would love to,” he answered and met Xichen's eyes, which were strangely transfixed.

Xichen cleared his throat and smiled back. "I look forward to it."

{***}

It was a testament to how dull the last five months of lessons had been that the announcement that lessons were canceled for one day nearly made Wei Ying shout with exultation. He immediately found Lan Zhan, excitement lightening his steps.

Ever since he had realized his feelings for Lan Zhan, he couldn’t help the constant urge to stay close to him. Being close to him made his heart flutter in his chest, made his cheeks flush with excitement. Every time Lan Zhan allowed him close, he felt like he would burst with joy. As he went to Lan Zhan, he bounded with anticipation. 

“Lan Zhaaaan!” He shouted as he ran to his friend. Lan Zhan gave him a pointed look. Wei Ying slowed, rolling his eyes. “I know, I know, you don’t have to say anything. Anyway, come on, let’s spar.”

“Unauthorizing fighting is not permitted.”

“But Teacher Lan said we could study whatever we wished for today! I want to study the Lan Sect’s sword forms. What better way to learn than from a master?”

“It is not permitted.”

Wei Ying sidled closer to Lan Zhan, pouting as he tugged pathetically at Lan Zhan’s sleeve. “Pleeeease?”

Lan Zhan stared at him for several moments before he blinked and turned away. “Not for long,” he conceded.

“Yay! Let’s go!”

They made their way to the training field. Once there, Lan Zhan insisted that they practice forms first to stretch before sparring and Wei Ying took the opportunity to suggest that they show each other their respective sects’ forms. 

Wei Ying went first, enjoying the movement and the pleasant stretch of his muscles. When it was Lan Zhan’s turn, Wei Ying watched his forms with admiring eyes at the fluidity of his movements.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea , he belatedly realized as he felt a blush. 

Once they had gotten warmed up, they stood across from each other, swords drawn and ready.

Then, Wei Ying made the first move and Lan Zhan lightly dodged before mounting his own attack.

Okay, this definitely wasn’t a good idea , Wei Ying thought as their battle brought them within hair’s breadth of each other over and over again. Lan Zhan swung his sword and Wei Ying blocked it with his own in a move that brought them face-to-face. Wei Ying stared at golden eyes that were so close and quickly pushed back, breaking them apart only to come together again. 

Wei Ying pushed away his distraction as the fight wore on. Lan Zhan’s skill was prestigious and Wei Ying couldn’t afford to be any less than fully focused if he wanted to avoid an embarrassing defeat.

Lan Zhan’s movements were smooth, unhesitating. Wei Ying had to retreat at a flurry of attacks that struck from multiple directions. Not seeing where he was going, he stumbled and fell onto his back. He tried to roll away but Lan Zhan grabbed the wrist of his sword hand and held it to the ground, forcing him to remain on his back and preventing him from using his sword. Wei Ying found himself with the cool metal of Bichen at his throat and Lan Zhan panting over him.

He froze as he processed their position. The tight grip of Lan Zhan’s hand on his wrist. The closeness of their faces, with heated gold eyes caught on his own. Lan Zhan’s knee between Wei Ying’s legs…

Wei Ying’s face burst into a deep flush. Lan Zhan blinked and jerked back, the tips of his ears turning red. He let Wei Ying go and stood. 

Wei Ying cleared his throat. “That’s a win for you, Lan Zhan,” he forced himself to say casually as he stood.

“Mn.” Lan Zhan refused to meet his eyes.

“I…uh…I think that’s enough sparring for today.”

“Mn.”

Wei Ying shifted uncomfortably. He considered running away and bemoaning his rash decision to Yao-ge but he didn’t want to leave Lan Zhan just yet.

“Um…can you help me practice some musical cultivation? I think I’m starting to get the hang of it.”

“Mn.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon playing together. A slight awkwardness remained even when they parted ways.

“Yao-ge!” Wei Ying cried as soon as he tracked him down. “I’m an idiot.”

Yao-ge sighed but resigned himself to bearing Wei Ying’s wallowing. “Alright, A-Ying, tell me what happened.”

{***}

Meng Yao rubbed his eyes, feeling a headache threatening after spending so long staring at the map before him. 

He had spent the last few hours making note of everything he remembered about the routes of attack that the Wens had used, the places where their defense would be minimal, supply lines that the Wen forces had relied on, and the layout of Nightless City. They had spent the last six months planning defensively and were shifting to make considerations for a possible offense. The information that Wen Qing had provided filled in any gaps from what Meng Yao remembered.

He leaned back and sighed, looking the map over once more. “This is everything,” he told Xichen. 

Xichen examined the map for several minutes. “Some of their routes rely on waterways that run through Gusu.”

Meng Yao nodded. 

“Good. Then we can disrupt them.”

Meng Yao’s breath stuttered at the fierce look on Xichen’s face. 

Xichen glanced up and they both froze, suddenly realizing how close their faces were. Meng Yao felt a flush creep onto his cheeks and looked away. He heard Xichen clear his throat. 

“Would you like some tea before you leave?”

Meng Yao fell back on formality, still too flustered to pick his words. “If it wouldn’t be an imposition.”

“Of course not. A-Yao, I….” Xichen seemed to struggle with something for a moment. “I really enjoy spending time with you. I want nothing more than to be with you as much as I can.”

That made Meng Yao smile. “I do, too,” he said quietly, glancing up to meet Xichen’s eyes.

Xichen smiled so sweetly that it made Meng Yao’s heart ache. 

Then Xichen leaned closer. And Meng Yao was too startled to move. 

He looked into amber eyes that came oh so near, then closed as something warm and soft touched his lips. 

His mind was wiped of any thought. 

Xichen is kissing me, he realized vaguely. 

At first, he was frozen. Then, he felt Xichen’s hands on his waist and he gasped, hands reaching up to clutch Xichen’s shoulders as he leaned into him, into the kiss that had shaken his world. 

An overwhelming joy burst to life inside him, fueled by the warmth of Xichen being so near. 

Ah, my love, it’s been a lifetime since I last tasted your lips . More than that, really. They had indulged in each other in their youth, before their conflicting responsibilities had taken them apart, before he had become Jin Guangyao, before he had married, before-

The sudden realization of what was happening, of what he should not be doing, was like a bucket of cold water. 

He forced himself to jerk back and nearly wept at the breath-taken look on Xichen’s face, at his flushed cheeks and kiss-darkened lips. 

“I…I can’t, I’m sorry,” he choked out. 

Then he ran, the emptiness in his chest making him feel as if he had left his heart behind.

Chapter Text

Meng Yao couldn’t bring himself to go back to his dorm right away. He didn’t want to answer any questions or field the pitying looks that he knew he would get if he walked in looking so obviously like he had been crying. As the sky began to darken, however, he realized that he would have to return soon before Wei Ying noticed he was gone and came looking. 

He curled in on himself a little tighter as he tried to dreg up the motivation to stand from his self-pitying seat at the base of a tree near the dormitories. 

Just a little longer. A little longer and I'll go back.

“Yao-ge?”

Meng Yao cursed internally. He should have returned sooner. 

He hurriedly tried to wipe his face and stand.

“There you are! I was surprised that you weren’t there when I got back. Lan Zhan and I were…” Wei Ying trailed off as he got close enough to see Meng Yao’s face clearly.

Meng Yao tried to paste on a smile. “Yes? What happened with Lan Wangji?”

Wei Ying frowned, clearly not reassured by Meng Yao’s weak attempt at deflection. “What happened?”

Meng Yao kept his expression even. “Nothing.”

“Yao-ge.”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“You were with Xichen-ge, weren’t you? Did he do something to you?”

“No!” Meng Yao flinched as soon as the word left his mouth, knowing he had said it too quickly and too insistently for Wei Ying to possibly believe him.

“So, he did.” Meng Yao didn’t respond. Wei Ying took it as the confirmation it was. “What did he do?”

Meng Yao considered refusing to answer but realized that doing so would lead Wei Ying to make the worst possible assumption. He sighed and quietly admitted “he kissed me.”

“And you were unwilling?”

“I…” Meng Yao realized that he didn’t quite know how to answer that. Wei Ying saw him struggling to formulate a response and his expression hardened. 

“He’s in his rooms?”

“What? A-Ying, you can’t just storm into his rooms!”

“Sure, I can,” Wei Ying said evenly and made to do just that.

Meng Yao grabbed his arm. “Don’t! I wasn’t exactly unwilling-”

“Not exactly unwilling?” Wei Ying scoffed.

“I kissed him back. I wanted to. It’s just…” Again, Meng Yao’s words failed him.

Wei Ying examined his expression and the anger in his face shifted to worry. “Yao-ge, you don’t have to explain if you don’t want to. Just as long as he hasn’t hurt you.”

“I’m not worried about him hurting me,” Meng Yao burst out. “I’m afraid of hurting him.” The image of those pained amber eyes swam behind his vision. “Before, he was someone I never wanted to hurt. No matter what happened, I wanted him to only know the best version of myself. But I couldn’t keep him away from the choices I had to make. When he learned of them, the look in his eyes…I can’t forget it.”

Meng Yao breathed hard, feeling raw, as if the words has been pulled from his chest. Wei Ying was silent for several moments before he spoke in a quiet voice.

“I know this is something you’ll have to come to believe yourself,” he said. “But, even if you were to do something terrible, I know you well enough to understand that you probably had a reason for it. Ensuring your own survival is a reason. And, even if I thought it was horrible, I would probably still forgive you, even if it took a while. Because, I know you. I know you’re not cruel or malicious. When given the choice, you’re kind. I can’t imagine what awful circumstances you were in that you didn’t have the opportunity to be kind. If the Lan Xichen of that time knew you as well as I do, I think he would have come to the same conclusion.”

The brutal kindness of Wei Ying’s words made Meng Yao’s chest ache. The unflinching acceptable made his eyes sting. Wei Ying seemed to understand his silence and waited with him quietly, until he had pulled himself together well enough to return to their room.

Jin Zixuan and Jiang Wanyin were already asleep by the time they returned, well after curfew. Meng Yao curled into a tight ball underneath his covers and held Wei Ying’s unflinching words close, feeling them scrape at his scars and begin to clear them away.

{***}

Despite Wei Ying’s words, Meng Yao still felt too raw to seek out Lan Xichen’s company and avoided the anticipated awkwardness of their next meeting. For the next few weeks, he kept to his dorm whenever they weren’t at a lecture. Lan Xichen didn’t seek him out and Meng Yao felt slightly disappointed but mostly relieved that Lan Xichen was giving him the space he needed.

A little over a month later, though, he entered the lecture hall to see Lan Xichen standing at the front of the room. When their eyes met, a ghost of a smile pulled at Lan Xichen’s lips before it faded and he looked away. 

Once the other guest disciples had arrived, Lan Xichen announced that lectures were on hold for a week, as Lan Qiren was away. A flurry of whispers followed the announcement and grew to excited conversations once Lan Xichen excused himself. Lan Wangji followed when his brother called his name. 

Meng Yao felt an arm fall over his shoulder and met Wei Ying’s eyes. The excited grin on his face warned of mischief to come. 

“Yao-ge, Jiang Cheng, what should we do?”

“Not whatever you’re planning,” Jiang Wanyin answered, familiar as he was with Wei Ying’s mischievous streak. 

“Ah, come on, we have to do something fun! Oh! We should go to Caiyi to have a drink?”

“A-Ying,” Meng Yao warned. 

“Just at Caiyi! I promise I won’t bring any back with me. We should take the opportunity to loosen up a bit. Right, Jiang Cheng?”

Jiang Wanyin looked reluctantly tempted. “A few drinks wouldn’t hurt…”

Wei Ying beamed. “Exactly! What do you say, Yao-ge?”

Meng Yao’s immediate instinct was to decline but he paused to consider for a moment. Maybe it would be good to get a bit of distance , he thought. Perhaps a step away from the source of his turmoil would help him get a fresh perspective. 

“Okay,” he finally said. 

Wei Ying cheered. “Let’s go,” he said, grabbing Meng Yao’s arm in one hand, Jiang Wanyin’s in the other, and dragging them along. 

They stopped briefly at their dorm and passed by Jin Zixuan, who was returning to the dorm just as they were leaving. He gave them a curious look. 

“We’ll be out for the day,” Meng Yao told him, in case he wanted to take advantage of having the room to himself. 

“You’re not invited,” Jiang Wanyin told him bluntly. 

Jin Zixuan huffed. “I wouldn’t want to go anyway.”

Wei Ying sniggered. “Hey, that’s not any way to speak to your future brother-in-law, is it?”

It was directed to both Jiang Wanyin and Jin Zixuan, who both looked extremely uncomfortable at the reminder. Meng Yao smiled internally at how Wei Ying seemed to have - albeit reluctantly - accepted Jin Zixuan well enough to not only mention his engagement to Jiang Yanli without frowning, but to also tease him about it. 

“Not for a while,” Jiang Wanyin mumbled, shooting Jin Zixuan a glare. 

Oh, maybe he’s coming around as well, Meng Yao noted with interest. 

With that, they headed for the gates. As they neared, however, Meng Yao noticed several figures in white heading the same way. Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji were among them. Su She, as well, reminding Meng Yao of a potential loose end that may need to be tied. 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying called, predictably forgetting his plans as soon as he saw the second young master. 

Lan Wangji paused and looked at Wei Ying, waiting for him to catch up.  

“Where are you going?” Wei Ying asked, happily falling into step beside Lan Wangji. 

“I suppose we’re just some dull stones next to a jade,” Jiang Wanyin said under his breath and Meng Yao had to suppress a chuckle. 

“Caiyi Lake,” Lan Wangji answered. “There are reports of a water ghoul.”

“Can we come too? Yunmeng Jiang is well acquainted with water ghouls. We can help.

Damn it, Wei Ying. I wanted to get a chance to clear my head away from Lan Xichen, not spend the next few hours together!

Lan Wangji looked to his brother, who had turned around at Wei Ying’s question. His eyes briefly met Meng Yao’s before he smiled lightly at Wei Ying. 

“Of course, we would appreciate the assistance of Yunmeng Jiang.”

Wei Ying grinned, then seemed to remember the rest of the world and glanced at Meng Yao with a concerned look. Meng Yao gave him a baleful glare that made Wei Ying wince. He sighed and shook his head slightly in a silent gesture to let Wei Ying know that he was fine. 

Wei Ying was smart enough let Meng Yao be, though, instead dragging Jiang Wanyin along and into a one-sided conversation with an equally unwilling Lan Wangji. It was rather amusing to see a conversation between three people carried on entirely by one. 

The rest of the group was quiet as they descended the mountain. Meng Yao eyed Su She, contemplating what to do with him. He had been an ally before and one of the few who afforded him respect in his previous life. On the other hand, though, his envy of the Twin Jades made him a danger to the Lan Sect, to Lan Xichen. 

Perhaps hurrying him out of the sect will be sufficient, Meng Yao pondered. 

When they arrived, Lan Xichen gave instructions for the small group to split up into pairs to investigate. Wei Ying immediately clung to Lan Wangji and declared that they would be partners. Jiang Wanyin rolled his eyes and wandered over to Meng Yao so that they could pair up. The four other Lan disciples paired up as well and set off in various directions. 

Before Meng Yao could follow Jiang Wanyin, he heard Lan Xichen call his name. Jiang Wanyin gave Meng Yao a questioning look but Meng Yao smiled slightly and waved him off. He lingered for a moment, as if to ensure that Meng Yao would be alright, then went off ahead, letting Meng Yao know that he was heading for the shops along the lake. 

Meng Yao met Lan Xichen’s eyes, waiting for him to speak. Lan Xichen seemed to struggle with uncharacteristic uncertainty before taking a deep breath and - to Meng Yao’s shock - bowing his head. 

“I apologize,” he said in a sincere tone. Meng Yao stared with wide eyes, shock holding his tongue. “I had thought- No, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I shouldn’t have forced myself on you-“

“Xichen-“

“I can only hope you won’t feel too uncomfortable for the rest of your stay-“

“Lan Xichen!”

“I won’t bother you anymore, you have my word-“

“Lan Huan!”

That stopped the flow of words and Lan Xichen jerked his head up to meet Meng Yao’s eyes, a slight flush on his cheeks. 

“I am not upset with you. I could never feel uncomfortable around you.”

“But I-“

“You didn’t force yourself on me. You weren’t wrong in your estimation. It’s just…”

Meng Yao didn’t know how to explain himself, couldn’t fully explain himself, but he looked into Lan Xichen’s earnest eyes and decided to give him as much of the truth as he could. 

“I am not of a high background. I know you’ve figured out the truth of my father. I am no proper match for you.”

Lan Xichen was quiet for a moment. Then, he said firmly “I disagree.”

“You…disagree?”

“Yes. A-Yao is clever and kind and patient. You’re a good brother and a dutiful son to your mother. How can something such as the circumstances of your birth matter against who you are?”

Meng Yao was horrified when he felt tears well in his eyes. Lan Xichen immediately looked panicked, raising a hand as if to comfort Meng Yao before pulling back.

Meng Yao shook his head, trying to reassure Lan Xichen while holding back tears. His heart ached from the sheer love it held for the man before him. 

The him that Lan Xichen had always seen was a version of himself that he could only aspire to be. So many expectations and circumstances had dragged him down, yet something about Lan Xichen made him still want to be the person that Lan Xichen saw. In his previous life, had always felt like the best version of himself when he was with Lan Xichen. He still felt that way now. 

“I really do love you, A-Huan.” The words slipped out, Meng Yao finding himself unable to hold back the words that his heart screamed. 

“I…I, as well,” Lan Xichen said in a breathless tone. He gazed at Meng Yao with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. “I love you.”

Meng Yao smiled shyly and closed the distance between them, popping up onto his tiptoes and pressing a light kiss to Lan Xichen’s cheek. He heard Lan Xichen gasp and Meng Yao giggled, stepping back to meet Lan Xichen’s dazed eyes. 

“I should go before Jiang Wanyin comes looking for me.”

“Right,” Lan Xichen said automatically. “We’ll…we’ll continue our conversation later?”

“Of course. I look forward to it.”

{***}

Wei Ying stared out over the lake. He tilted his head, a faint sound, the slightest breath of a whisper, tickling his ears.

“Do you hear that?” He asked Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan stepped closer to the shore and listened for a moment, then shook his head. “I do not hear anything.”

Wei Ying hummed and crouched down at the water’s edge. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan cautioned, coming closer to where Wei Ying crouched.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Wei Ying reassured. “From what the townspeople have said, this isn’t the kind of ghoul that drags its victims from the shore. I think it only takes people who are already in the lake.” He gazed into the water, looking for any signs of disturbance, but the lake was calm. He frowned. “Are you sure it’s a ghoul? There should be ripples of some kind due to its movements.”

“Perhaps it is dormant or staying in the depths.”

“Maybe. If it’s as active as it sounds, I would expect it to stick close to the surface, though.” He carefully poked at the surface of the lake. Nothing happened. He shrugged, making to stand up when he saw the flash of a shadow out of the corner of his eye. He froze, glancing around the water. A chill flashed down his spine. “Something isn’t right,” he muttered under his breath.

“Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying’s thoughts raced, the near-sighting suddenly reminding him of something from several months ago. “I think…there was something here before. It was here when the lectures first started. I think I saw it.”

“But there have not been any attacks prior to the last few weeks.”

“Are you sure there weren’t any drownings, or even near-drownings before then?”

Lan Zhan was quiet for a moment. “Prior to the past month, there was one person who drowned. Disciples were sent here to purify the spirit the following day.”

“What about near-drownings?”

“The townspeople do not generally report such incidents.”

“Hmm.” Wei Ying tapped his nose in thought.”Let’s ask around a bit before we meet up with the others.”

Lan Zhan hummed in agreement. As they headed back to the center of town where they were to reconvene, they stopped to ask several townspeople about any incidents prior to the last month. The answers they got painted a grim picture.

“I was taking a boat across the lake and the boat…it was pulled down, like there was a heavy weight, but I was the only one in the boat.”

“I was out of a boat with my wife maybe five months ago and I dove into the water to swim for a bit. When I tried to swim back up to the boat, it felt like I was swimming without moving up. I managed to grab the side of the boat and pull myself up but it was like the water didn’t want to let me go.”

“It was about three months ago. My daughter was just barely in the lake where the water is shallow and she disappeared. I found her laying still under the shallow water and had to pull her out.”

Wei Ying met Lan Zhan’s eyes, seeing his own realization echoed in Lan Zhan. “It’s been here the whole time,” he said. Lan Zhan nodded his agreement. “But why was it dormant, or at least less active, for so long?”

Lan Zhan shook his head, just as much at a loss. 

As soon as they joined the others, Wei Ying reported their findings. “I don’t think it’s a simple water ghoul,” he concluded. “There’s a darkness in the water.”

He glanced at Yao-ge, wondering if he knew what the creature was from his past life. Yao-ge shook his head. He didn’t know.

Lan Xichen was frowning, a grim look settling over his expression. “It almost sounds as if there were multiple creatures in the lake. But, that coudn’t be possible. The Lan Sect would never allow the lake to become so infested.” He was quiet for a moment, considering. “There’s a limit to how much we can investigate from the shore. We need to get onto the lake. Su Minshan, request four boats for us to use.”

A brief expression flashed across the Lan disciple’s face, so quick that Wei Ying didn’t have time to interpret it. Then Su Minshan bowed and went off to obey his future sect leader’s order.

“What do you make of this, Wangji?” Lan Xichen quietly asked his brother.

“It is strange. One ghoul could be attributed to a wandering creature. The notion that there are many is contrary to our sect’s policies.”

“Yes, I agree. Something is strange about this.”

When Su Minshan returned, they boarded the boats and paddled into the lake. It was eerily silent, with none of the usual cheerfully splashing of water one would expect. Instead, the boats cut through the still surface silently. 

The further they got into the lake, the more a sense of dread crept into Wei Ying’s heart. He clutched his sword, senses on high alert.

All of a sudden, he felt something rush up from below, heard a distant roaring. He yelled before he could even process it.

“Get into the air!”

He shot up on his sword, glancing around to see that Yao-ge, Jiang Cheng, Lan Zhan, and, surprisingly, Lan Xichen had listened to him immediately. The other Lan disciples lagged behind, as if they waited to follow the Twin Jades’ lead. 

One of them waited for a moment too long.

The surface of the lake exploded into movement, shadowy threads reaching out to the sky. One of them caught onto Su Minshan’s ankle. It pulled him down.

Wei Ying dove after him on instinct and heard multiple voices shout his name. When he entered the lake, the sheer noise surprised him. The usual quiet of being underwater was replaced with the sound of a massive creature shifting what felt like the entire lake as it moved. He looked around to see if he could find Su Minshan and saw a flash of white within the black mass. He tried to swim quickly, to get to him in time, but he watched in horror as the creature devoured the man. 

As he stared at the writhing mass, he saw faces, hands, legs strain to escape and inevitably being pulled back in. 

This wasn’t a single lost soul, a single ghoul. It was an amalgamation of countless souls.

A Waterborne Abyss.

Terror shattered his shock and he began to swim frantically to the surface. Before he could get far, he felt something wrap around his leg and he was being pulled back down. He struggled against it but it was in vain.

The speck of light from just beyond the surface dimmed as he was pulled deeper into the lake.

I’m going to die , he realized. Fuck. I’m going to die .

He reached out an arm but there was nothing he could grab.

No! No, I can’t die, not now, not like this!

Wei Ying squeezed his eyes shut, felt the throbbing of the energy that the creature expelled.

Wait…the energy. 

This was a creature made up of cobbled-together resentful spirits. 

Maybe, I can…

He expanded his senses, allowing himself to get absorbed by the radiating energy. It felt like a toxic pit that tried to pull him in, if only he would give in to his rage, to his grief, to his hatred-

No , he thought firmly. He couldn’t allow the energy to overtake him.

He noticed as he struggled with the mass of resentful energy that it wasn’t…uniform. It wasn’t smooth, like a single entity should be. Instead, he could feel the stitches holding the individual spirits together into this beast. He tried experimentally to tug at the seams but every tug of his was met with a strong pull from the creature.

His lungs began to burn and panic began to creep back in.

Come on, come on, he thought frantically, pulling harder. As he felt his chest seize, he opened his mouth in a silent scream and, in a last moment of desperation, let the resentful energy flood into him and, once it was in his very being, he tore .

The black mass exploded, hundreds of shadows flung throughout the lake. 

I can’t swim . I can’t-

A hand grabbed his outstretched arm and yanked him up and out of the water. As soon as he felt the air he gulped in a deep breath, lungs burning as he coughed and tried to breathe.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan’s voice was right next to him. 

Ah. Lan Zhan is the one who pulled me out .

“A-Ying,” Yao-ge’s frantic voice came closer and he felt a pair of hands hold his hair back as he coughed out lungfuls of water.

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng’s shout came next, along with a hand holding his shoulder to help him stay upright.

Wei Ying struggled to speak. “It’s…it’s not destroyed,” he warned. “The spirits… cough, cough …I split them apart. They… cough, cough , they can be purified… cough …as any other spirit. But, Xichen-ge… cough, cough …someone has to… cough, cough …they have to be purified quickly. I don’t… cough, cough …don’t know how long it will take… cough …for it to reform.”

A few seconds of silent disbelief followed his labored words. 

“You…” Lan Xichen spoke hesitantly. “You destroyed the Waterborne Abyss?”

“No, it’s not… cough …destroyed. Just separated. The sprits… cough, cough …can still reform if they’re not all purified quickly.”

“Al…alright. I will have many questions for you later, Wei Wuxian. But, for now, I will have as many disciples as can be spared brought here to purify all of the spirits.”

“Okay. Good, good.” The world swayed around him and darkness began to blur the edges of his vision. “Lan Zhan,” he forced himself to say, needing to get it out before he fainted, “play Cleansing for me. The energy…I can feel it crawling in me. Please…”

His words trailed off and he fell into darkness.

{***}

Meng Yao sat at Wei Ying’s bedside, watching his recently-calmed breaths. It had taken hours of Lan Wangji playing Cleansing to Wei Ying for the shudders to ease. The entire rest of the day, in fact. Meng Yao had barely gotten Lan Wangji to leave and get some much-needed rest that night and had to pull Jiang Wanyin with him to get some sleep in their dorm. 

The next morning, Lan Wanji was already at the infirmary when Meng Yao and Jiang Wanyin arrived, dutifully playing Cleansing. Now, it was early afternoon and the three of them sat, waiting for Wei Ying to wake up. Lan Wangji continued to play.

As Meng Yao stared blindly at the bedcover, his thoughts wandered to Su She. His body had been recovered following the purification of the lake. Meng Yao was…somewhat relieved. Not that Su She was dead, but that a potential problem had been taken away by fate. Su She may have been his ally but, before that, he had been a traitor to the Lan Sect and Meng Yao would never have allowed for him to become the latter. 

Yes, it was for the best that the Waterborne Abyss had taken the decision out of his hands.

A sudden deep breath caught Meng Yao’s attention. His eyes went to Wei Ying’s face and he saw a twitch of lips, a slight frown, a fluttering of eyelids.

“A-Ying!”

“Wei Ying!”

“Wei Wuxian!”

Wei Ying groaned and slowly opened his hazy eyes. He mumbled out a barely audible “What, what did I do?”

“Wei Wuxian, you idiot, you nearly died!” Jiang Wanyin’s worried expression belied his harsh words.

Wei Ying stared at Jiang Wanyin for a moment, as if he didn’t know what he was referring to. Then, he blinked and said with infuriating nonchalance, “oh, yeah.”

“How are you feeling?” Meng Yao asked. “You nearly drowned, not to mention all the resentful energy your body absorbed.”

Wei Ying smiled faintly. “I’m fine. I feel like I fell off my sword, but I’m fine.”

Lan Wangji came closer to the bedside, eyes sharp with worry. “Wei Ying, what did you do?”

Wei Ying looked away, laughing awkwardly. He shifted to slowly sit up. “Well…about that…I may have…channeled the energy of the Waterborne Abyss.”

Oh, he already figured out how to do it , Meng Yao realized with faint surprise. He recalled that Wei Ying had been at least a couple of years older before he had founded an entirely new branch of cultivation.

“You what?” Jiang Wanyin yelled with reasonable surprise.

Lan Wangji was not surprised, as best as Meng Yao could tell. He did, however, look even more worried. “Wei Ying…”

“I know what I promised, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, seeming to know where Lan Wangji’s concern stemmed from. “But it wasn’t exactly a situation that I could discuss the theory first. I had no choice but to give it a try.”

Meng Yao raised a brow, wondering at the context of the promise that Wei Ying referred to. Wei Ying had told him that he discussed theories of demonic cultivation with Lan Wangji but he had never mentioned a promise.

“More importantly,” Wei Ying continued, “I was right that resentful energy can be controlled.”

“Wei Ying, you nearly died.”

“ Nearly . And, anyway, it was an extreme situation. It’s not like handling that amount of resentful energy would be the norm.”

“Wei Wuxian, you’ve been practicing demonic cultivation?” Jiang Wanyin looked furious, brows pulled together harshly.

“Um…just theorizing,” Wei Ying answered, clearly realizing Jiang Wanyin’s anger. “I really think it can be used with some safety measures.”

“You idiot! Do you know how furious Mother will be about this?”

Meng Yao found it interesting that the root of Jiang Wanyin’s anger seemed to be fear over his mother’s reaction rather than an actual contention with what Wei Ying was doing. Though, having seen Madame Yu’s fury many times over the years, he supposed he could understand.

“Are you going to tell her?” Wei Ying looked at Jiang Wanyin steadily. Jiang Wanyin stared back for several tense moments. Then, he looked away.

“You can’t keep it away from her forever,” he said. “Especially if you’re going to keep practicing it.”

“I…I know,” Wei Ying replied, looking down.

“The circumstances of when and how Madame Yu is informed are important,” Meng Yao said. “To inform her now will lead her to see it as a gesture of misbehavior. Telling her under circumstances where this method could be useful, however…”

Wei Ying gave Meng Yao a grateful look. Jiang Wanyin looked hesitant but less angry.

“Ah, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, turning his attention to the second young master. “This…this isn’t going to be in any official report, is it?”

“It will not,” Lan Xichen’s voice came as he entered the room. “Only those of us in this room are aware of the truth of what happened. I plan to keep it that way for now.” His eyes briefly met Meng Yao’s and he smiled softly before turning his attention back to the rest of the room. “Young Master Wei, Wangji told me you have spoken to him about your theories.”

Wei Ying nodded, briefly glancing at Lan Wangji. 

“I would like to hear your theories. Truthfully, I am hesitant to consider such methods. However, considering the possible events of the future, I am equally hesitant to rule out something that may be a boon to our cause.”

“Oh, I…Of course, I’d be happy to tell you my ideas. They’re really just ideas right now, though.”

Lan Xichen smiled sardonically. “Not entirely. You’ve proven their success.”

Wei Ying nervously scratched at his cheek. “I guess so.” A thought seemed to occur to him and he suddenly sat up straight. “Ah, Xichen-ge, did you guys figure out where the Waterborne Abyss came from?”

Lan Xichen shook his head. “Not with any concrete evidence. But…” He glanced over at Meng Yao. Meng Yao obligingly explained.

“We discussed this yesterday. It isn’t possible that the Waterborne Abyss came into being within the waters of Caiyi Lake. So, it must have come from somewhere else. We looked into the waterways that connect to any waters in Gusu. There are only two. One is in Yunmeng and it isn’t possible that it originated there. The other is Qishan.”

Jiang Wanyin cursed. “The fucking Wens.”

Meng Yao nodded. “Most likely.”

“So, what, they chased out a Waterborne Abyss instead of actually exorcising it?” Wei Ying asked with a frown.

“Precisely.” When he had thought about it, Meng Yao vaguely recalled brief mentions of a Waterborne Abyss when he had been in Nightless City. Between that and his and Lan Xichen’s conjectures, he was certain that they were right in their suppositions.

“Maybe that’s why it was dormant for a while,” Wei Ying contemplated. “It may have had to recover from moving to a different waterway.”

“These Wen, they have no decency,” Jiang Wanyin hissed. “To send such a creature into another sect with no care…that in itself is an act of war.”

Lan Xichen sighed heavily. “And yet, we cannot even accuse the Wen Sect of this travesty. Not without proof, which we unfortunately lack.”

“The Wen Sect has displayed complete disregard for the Lan Sect,” Lan Wangji said, a fierce look in his eyes.

“They have,” Lan Xichen replied, an equal fierceness in his eyes. “And we will not forget.”

Chapter Text

Meng Yao sighed as he left the healing pavilion. Wei Ying, to his loudly stated disappointment, had been forced on pain of death to remain another night for observation. The healer had waved a long needle ominously as she insisted and Wei Ying had wisely given in. Lan Wangji remained with him, playing diligently until he would be kicked out before curfew. 

“Wei Wuxian seems eager to leave the healers’ care,” Lan Xichen noted with an amused smile. 

Meng Yao chuckled. “A-Ying is ever restless. I’m sure he views this as a punishment rather than a concession to his health.”

Despite Meng Yao’s outward placidity, a lingering worry remained. The memory of Wei Ying being devoured by the Waterborne Abyss wouldn’t disappear so quickly. 

Beyond his worry, his mind raced with the implication of Wei Ying’s (re)discovery of demonic cultivation. How could it best be used for the war that loomed ever closer? Was it even worth the backlash it may cause amongst the allied sects? If so, when would be the best time to introduce such a possibility to minimize resistance?

So absorbed was he in shuffling around the pieces in his head that he stumbled in his path. He didn’t fall, though, as Lan Xichen caught him with an arm around his shoulder. Meng Yao froze at the sudden closeness. His first instinct was to jerk away and apologize, and he almost did, until he looked up into gentle amber eyes. He saw the slight flush in Lan Xichen’s cheeks and remembered their kiss, their mutual confessions that they hadn’t even had the chance to talk about. So, instead of moving away, he turned in toward Lan Xichen, resting his head on his beloved’s chest. 

Lan Xichen startled, but didn’t move away. He brought his other arm to rest around Meng Yao’s waist. Meng Yao closed his eyes and felt his shoulders relax slightly. 

They spent several minutes in tranquil quiet before Lan Xichen shifted. “A-Yao,” he started hesitantly. “I…I hope I am not presumptuous in believing that we are courting.”

Meng Yao leaned back slightly, just enough so that he could meet Lan Xichen’s eyes without leaving his arms. “Not at all. I told you of my reservations. If they do not concern you, then I refuse to let them remain between us.”

Lan Xichen smiled shyly. “I’m glad. I confess, I was utterly heartbroken the past few weeks, though it was mostly because I was upset with myself for upsetting you.”

Meng Yao shook his head. “It wasn’t you that upset me. It was circumstances beyond your control. The world is not as kind as you, A-Huan.”

“I know the truth of the world. But, if the world has shown you such cruelty, then I would show you enough kindness to make up for it.”

Meng Yao smiled. “Just being with me is enough.” He lifted a hesitant hand to gently trace along the tail of Lan Xichen’s forehead ribbon. “Besides, the world has been much kinder in the last few years. Far more than it could have been.”

Lan Xichen’s cheeks flushed at Meng Yao’s gesture but he didn’t protest. After a moment, though, a bit of seriousness returned to his expression. “A-Yao, did you know about Wei Wuxian’s theories?”

Meng Yao immediately realized that Lan Xichen wasn’t simply asking about Wei Ying’s recent discoveries. “I did,” he answered. “I saw how powerful his cultivation could be, particularly as a weapon in the war.”

“Then, why didn’t you bring it up before?”

Meng Yao tensed, an instinctual defensiveness making him shift back. But, when he examined Lan Xichen’s expression, there was no accusation, only curiosity. 

“Two reasons,” he finally said. “First, there were specific circumstances that led Wei Wuxian to develop demonic cultivation in the events I saw. Those circumstances are now highly unlikely to come to be. There was no guarantee that he would be able to develop the skill, or such strong mastery of it, under different circumstances. Second, even if I was certain that A-Ying would be able to develop the skill at the same age, with sufficient mastery to be an asset in the war, introducing the concept of demonic cultivation to the rest of the world would have to be done carefully. I think you understand why, given your decision to leave any mention of it out of official reports.”

Lan Xichen nodded thoughtfully. “That makes sense. I doubt most people would be willing to agree with the use of demonic cultivation unless the circumstances were dire. Which,” he sighed tiredly “may soon be the case. He was quiet for a moment before he added contemplatively “I sometimes wonder just how much you know.”

Meng Yao looked away, debating how much of the truth to give to Lan Xichen. “Enough to feel as if I’ve lived another lifetime,” he finally said with an ironic smile. “Though much of it is moot, since certain events were altered and the subsequent future has changed.”

“Is it ever disorientating? Having knowledge of an entirely different future?”

“Occasionally, when I encounter something that I once saw in another time. Though, it has become easier to separate myself from what could have been.” That reminded him… “Have arrangements been made for Su Minshan?”

Sadness tugged at Lan Xichen’s brows. “Yes. His body was brought back up to the Cloud Recesses. His belongings have been gathered and stored until a relative is able to travel here to sort the items.”

Meng Yao nodded. He felt a strange mix of distant grief for someone he once knew and relief that he didn’t have to worry about Su Minshan’s resentment might lead him to do. He hadn’t wanted to hurt someone that had once been an ally. 

If that once-ally had ever made a move against Lan Xichen, however, Meng Yao would have cut him down without a second thought. 

{***}

Wei Ying was ecstatic when he was cleared for release from the healing pavilion, though the head healer had sternly told him that he should continue to have Cleaning played for him once a day for another week. Lan Zhan had nodded sharply, taking on the duty with a grave responsibility. Yao-ge had given him a stern look and said “and you had better not practice demonic cultivation until after that. 

Which…okay maybe Wei Ying was eager to experiment now that he knew it was possibly to use resentful energy but he supposed he could stick to theorizing for a few days. 

A couple of days after his release, a letter from Yunmeng was delivered to their dorm. Two, actually, both from Shijie. One was addressed to Jin Zixuan and the other to Jiang Cheng. 

Jin Zixuan turned red and stepped outside to read his letter. Meanwhile, Wei Ying and Yao-ge read the other letter over Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. 

To my dear brother:

The first vestiges of winter have come to Lotus Pier. The weather has been cold of late. I worry for you with how cold the Cloud Recesses will soon be. 

The renovations have been going well. So many buildings were worn and due for refreshment. The renovations should be complete in the next month. I’m sure that, once they are finished, we will be well shielded from the elements. Father has even opined that they will be polished enough for guests, should we have any. With the changing of the seasons, we haven’t had many guests of late, though I’ve nearly convinced a dear friend that she would be welcome to visit soon. I do hope she agrees, as I would be delighted to see her and her family. Perhaps you will have the opportunity to meet them if they do visit. 

I hope you have been learning much in your lectures. Please give the others my greetings. 

Jiang Yanli

So, the bolstering of Lotus Pier’s defenses was nearly complete, then. And it seemed Shijie had managed to persuade Sect Leader Jiang to guarantee the safety of the non-aggressive members of the Wen Sect in exchange for the cooperation of the mysterious contact in the Wen Sect.

“Will we really be harboring Wen cultivators? Won’t that be dangerous?” Jiang Cheng asked uncertainly. 

“It could be,” Yao-ge said. “But the potential danger is outweighed by the benefit of having some Wen cultivators swayed to our side, particularly the cultivator that Young Lady Jiang has been corresponding with. Anyway, having them at Lotus Pier is the worst case scenario. If all goes well, Lotus Pier will not need to harbor them at all.”

“What do you mean?” Jiang Cheng asked as he folded the letter. 

“If we have someone on the inside, it’s likely that we can rid ourselves of the snake’s head without concerning ourselves so much with its body.”

Wei Ying raised a brow. “A coup?”

Yao-ge smiled enigmatically. “Ideally.”

Jiang Cheng have Yao-ge an impressed look.  “So that’s the plan you and A-Jie have been working on. Do you think it can really work?”

“Perhaps. Our contact in the Wen Sect is quite resourceful. It will be a significant advantage to have such a cultivator working with us. Of course, if it’s going to work at all, it can’t leave this room. The only people who know are me, Sect Leader Jiang, Young Lady Jiang, and now you two.” 

Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng hurriedly agreed. 

Wei Ying felt a rare stirring of hope at the knowledge of what Yao-ge and Shijie were quietly planning. Perhaps they really would be able to stave off the worst of the future Yao-ge had seen.

{***}

After the restriction imposed by Yao-ge was finally over, Wei Ying spent the majority of his free time fiddling with the possibilities of using resentful energy. 

He had realized something in the last week of picking apart his single experience with manipulating resentful energy. He had actually realized it while watching Lan Zhan play for him. Whenever Lan Zhan was playing Cleansing for him, he was very slightly using his spiritual energy to brush away the resentful energy. The brush with resentful energy, filtered as it was through his guqin, clearly had no effect on him. 

“If you were directly expelling the resentful energy,” he said, explaining his thoughts to Lan Zhan, “there would be a small trace of it left. It would be cleared away quickly, but it would be there. I think using an instrument with demonic cultivation is the key. That way, the resentful energy is filtered through the instrument instead of the wielder’s body. At least in theory.”

Lan Zhan hummed consideringly. “Perhaps,” he conceded, skeptical as always when it came to demonic cultivation. “A strong instrument would be necessary.”

Wei Ying grinned and twirled the dizi that Lan Zhan had given him. “Good thing my Lan Zhan have me one.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he froze, a flush rapidly heating his cheeks. Oh no, why did I say that?! Lan Zhan is going to be so uncomfortable.

When he managed to glance at him, though, Lan Zhan didn’t look upset. His eyes were slightly widened, though. The tips of his ears were red. 

So cute , Wei Ying thought and immediately flushed even more. 

Nearly overcome with embarrassment, Wei Ying stumbled to his feet. “Um, anyway, it’s getting late,” Wei Ying rambled, ignoring the fact that it wasn’t near curfew yet. “I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow, Lan Zhan.”

He left without awaiting a response, burying his red face in his hands and resisting the urge to scream.

{***}

To an extent, the weeks of practicing musical cultivation with Lan Zhan made it easier for Wei Ying when he began trying to use his dizi as a channel for demonic cultivation. He had become familiar with what it felt like to use the instrument as a medium for manipulating energy. But resentful energy, he quickly found, felt very different. 

It was more resistant, for one, having what felt like a will of its own. And it came from an external source source rather than his own energy. 

But, several days of experimenting had him slowly able to wrest control over resentful energy, first influencing it, then gradually beginning to exert control. 

Lan Zhan insisted that he continue to play for Wei Ying every night. Wei Ying made a show of it being unnecessary, that “I’m making sure these methods are safe, you don’t need to worry so much, Lan Zhan.” But, truthfully, he loved having more time to spend with Lan Zhan. 

One night, he noticed that the song that Lan Zhan was playing was unfamiliar. It was beautiful, the melody seeming to reach into his very heart. He let himself get absorbed in the lovely sound for a while before speaking.  

“This song is so pretty,” he said. “Is it another purification song?”

Lan Zhan’s fingers froze, bringing the song to an abrupt end. He didn’t answer, eyes fixed on the strings. 

Wei Ying blinked, startled by the reaction. “Lan Zhan?” When no response was forthcoming, Wei Ying started to worry. “Is it…a secret? You don’t have to tell me.”

“Not a secret,” Lan Zhan finally said. “It is not one of the Lan Sect’s purification songs.”

Wei Ying waited while Lan Zhan seemed to hesitate. 

“I wrote it.”

Wei Ying gasped, utterly amazed. “That’s incredible, Lan Zhan! I didn’t know you composed. It’s such a lovely song!”

And it really was. The song was almost…wistful. Longing. 

A stir of jealousy made Wei Ying’s smile fade. 

“Did you write it for someone?” He regretted the question immediately. What was he to do with himself if Lan Zhan said yes? Was he looking to get a broken heart?

And, indeed, his heart cracked when Lan Zhan looked up at him with startled eyes, confirming that Wei Ying had been right. 

“It must be someone spectacular for the Second Jade of Lan to write a song for them,” he said, fighting to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “Whoever it is, they’re incredibly lucky.”

Lan Zhan stared at him, a bit of confusion and something else in his expression. “You truly believe so?”

Wei Ying forced a smile, still unable to fully meet Lan Zhan’s eyes. “Of course. Who wouldn’t be honored to have the regard of someone as great as Lan Zhan?”

He froze when he felt Lan Zhan’s hand tentatively cover his own where it sat clenched in his lap. He looked up to meet intense golden eyes. 

“Then, I hope Wei Ying would be willing to accept it.”

Wei Ying’s thoughts halted, his mind unable to comprehend what had just been said. 

Accept it? Does he mean accept his regard? Am I misunderstanding? I hope not, if Lan Zhan gave me his regard, I would never let it go, not when I…I…

“I love you,” Wei Ying blurted out. He immediately felt his face flame with the admission. 

It was worth it, though. With ears aflame, Lan Zhan responded, “And I, you.”

Giddiness bubbled within Wei Ying, making him feel as light as the clouds that decorated Lan Zhan’s headband. He beamed and, unable to keep still with the force of his joy threw himself at Lan Zhan. “I love you!” He couldn’t help but repeat the words now that he was free to say them. “Lan Zhan, I love you!”

Lan Zhan’s arms wrapped around him. “Mn. I love Wei Ying.”

Wei Ying couldn’t resist the temptation with Lan Zhan so close. Butterflies in his stomach, he steeled himself and kissed Lan Zhan, barely brushing his lips before the embarrassment was too much and he buried his face into Lan Zhan’s shoulder, utterly flustered and enamored. 

Just a moment later, he was shoved into his back, Lan Zhan hovering over him. Wei Ying was startled but didn’t object. Quite the opposite, he was delighted at the turn of events. Even more so when Lan Zhan leaned down and made sure their second kiss lasted much longer than their first. 

By the time Wei Ying was leaving Lan Zhan’s room, his hair was mussed, his robes were rumpled, and his lips were tender. 

He grinned the entire way back to his dorm. Not even the relentless teasing he was subjected to could damped his joy. 

{***}

Meng Yao finished off his letter to Jiang Yanli and looked over it once more. It was written in code, detailing what he knew about how the Wen Sect’s invasion of Lotus Pier so that Jiang Yanli, along with the sect leader and his wife, could ensure all points of weakness had been reinforced in their strengthening of Lotus Pier’s defenses.

Satisfied that he had included everything, he set down his brush and stretched. He glanced over at Lan Xichen, who was still absorbed in his correspondence. Deciding to give into the temptation, Meng Yao moved around the table to sit beside Lan Xichen. He leaned into his side, hooking his arm through Lan Xichen’s.

“You’re finished with your letter?” Lan Xichen asked, unsuprised by Meng Yao’s gesture. Over the last few weeks, Meng Yao had let his caution bleed away and taken every opportunity to be near his beloved.

“Yes. It seems you still have many letters of your own left.”

Lan Xichen sighed, wariness creeping into his tone. “With the recent moves of the Wen soldiers, it seems that there have been twice as many letters and twice as many meetings.”

Meng Yao sympathized, knowing the feeling all too well. Lan Xichen had been resistent to accepting his help, clearly not wanting to burden him, but Meng Yao decided that he would have to insist. 

But, first, Lan Xichen needed a break.

Knowing that Lan Xichen wouldn’t simply agree to a break, Meng Yao decided to go about convicing him another way.

He subtly scooted closer, free hand moving to rest on Lan Xichen’s knee. He heard the stutter in Lan Xichen’s breath and had to hide a smirk. He nuzzled into Lan Xichen’s arm and, when he knew he had the other man’s attention, glanced up through his lashes. 

Lan Xichen’s eyes were fixed on him, letters forgotten. 

“A-Huan,” Meng Yao said in the most innocent voice he could muster. “You have nothing else planned for today, yes? Why don’t we take advantage of having some…uninterrupted time?”

Lan Xichen’s eyes fell to Meng Yao’s lips. He glanced back up to meet Meng Yao’s eyes with a playful suspicion. “Are you tempting me, A-Yao?”

Meng Yao let his satisfied smile speak for itself. In the next moment, he was in Lan Xichen’s lap, large hands gripping his waist, lips pressed hungrily to his. His fingers wove into Lan Xichen’s hair, brushing the tails of his forehead ribbon, and he let himself fall into the kiss.

This was the first time that they had the opportunity to be alone together for an extended amount of time without either of their responsibilities tugging them away and Meng Yao could feel the pent up desire that ignited between them. As Lan Xichen’s lips moved across his jaw, down his neck, the hands at his waist moved to loosen his robes. Meng Yao sighed at the feeling of Lan Xichen’s hand on his bare skin and hurried to return the favor, fingers dancing over broad shoulders and a muscled arms before drifting lower.

They lost themselves in each other and for a brief moment the looming specter of the future disappeared.

Lan Xichen was the first to pull away after they found their mutual pleasure, arms wrapping around Meng Yao’s waist as he fell back and pulled him along to lay on his chest. He was breathing heavily and Meng Yao could feel the rabid beat of his heart. Meng Yao’s own heartrate still thundered from the aftermath of their shared desire. Though he felt a prick of disappointment that they had stopped, longed to invite his beloved into his body, he knew that they would have to content themselves with the plesure of each other’s hands for now. Beyond the matter of decorum, neither of them had the practical necessities to progress further. The logic didn’t dim his desire, however, and he had to wrestle back to urge to give in to further temptation.

Eventually, their breathing evened out, but they remained laying together for a while longer, taking comfort in each other’s warmth. It was only the realization that the sun had set that forced Meng Yao to sit up, robes still falling off his shoulders. Lan Xichen’s eyes lingered. “A-Yao is so lovely,” he said.

Meng Yao flushed and began adjusting his robes. Lan Xichen sat up and began to do the same. When they were both somewhat presentable, Meng Yao sat back at the table and started sorting through the remaing letters. “I’ll help you finish up,” he said, leaving no room for argument. “I’ll read through the letters and make notes with a summary of the contents and what to include in your response.”

Lan Xichen hestitated, clearly wanting to protest, but he seemed to realize that Meng Yao wouldn’t budge and instead smiled ruefully. “A-Yao is too good to me.”

Meng Yao paused for a moment. “There’s no such thing,” he said. “A-Huan deserves the best.”

Working together, they got through the rest of the letters quickly. Lan Xichen sighed with relief as he finished the last one. 

“I heard you were summoned to your father’s bedside,” Meng Yao said. He had wanted to ask right away when he came to Lan Xichen’s room but had seen how busy he was and decided to refrain. “Is everything alright?”

He watched Lan Xichen’s expression carefully but, to his surprise, there was only relief there.

“Yes,” Lan Xichen answered. “He’s been doing a little better in the past few weeks. Well enough that he was awake yesterday.”

“That’s wonderful,” Meng Yao said, more out of happiness for Lan Xichen’s relief than for the stranger he had never met. 

Lan Xichen nodded and smiled. “It is. I didn’t think I’d ever speak with my father again with how much his condition worsened in the past few months. He’s still weak and the healers don’t expect a miraculous recovery, but it seems death has spared him for a while longer.”

Meng Yao smiled at Lan Xichen’s quiet happiness. In sparing Qingheng-Jun for a while, death had spared Lan Xichen a bit more of his youth before he had to take on the heavy mantle of sect leader. 

Perhaps, in this life, he would have just a bit more time before he had to carry that burden.

{***}

Wei Ying was zoned out during the afternoon lecture, thoughts wandering instead to the melodies he had been experimenting with. He was experimenting with using pieces of the Lan Sect’s songs, though he had to adjust them into something suitable for resentful energy. Where the Lan songs encouraged the energy they sought to control, the songs for resentful energy had to order it.

His eyes drifted to Lan Zhan and with them his thoughts. Really, how Wei Ying ever managed to accomplish anything with Lan Zhan around was a wonder. Feeling the ever-present desire to pull Lan Zhan’s attention to him, he reaching into his sleeve and pulled out an experimental talisman he had been messing around with, a little paperman. 

With a push of his energy, the paperman twitched and came to life. It hopped down Wei Ying’s desk, fluttering over to land on Lan Zhan’s lap. Lan Zhan glanced down briefly, then did a double-take when he noticed the paperman. He stared at it for a moment before looking at Wei Ying. Wei Ying grinned and made the paperman plaster itself to Lan Zhan’s arm in an attempt at a hug.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan whispered, his sharp glance making his thoughts clear.

Unable to help the mischievous urge, he nudged the paperman to begin climbing up towards Lan Zhan’s shoulder. Before it could get there, though, Lan Zhan plucked it from its perch - gently, so as not to wrinkle it - and held it down under his hand.

Wei Ying pouted. He thought about taking out another paperman but decided against it when Lan Zhan gave him another sharp look, as if knowing what he had been thinking. Wei Ying resigned himself to enduring the rest of the lesson. 

When the lesson ended and everyone prepared to leave, a messenger came in and handed a letter to Yao-ge. Curious, Wei Ying went over and gasped when he saw Auntie Meng’s name. Throughout the last nine months, Auntie Meng had sent a short note with Jiang Yanli’s letters a few times. In them, she assured of her good health and expressed her excitement for their eventual return. This was the first time she sent a letter individually. Before Wei Ying could read it over Yao-ge’s shoulder, he folded it back up.

“Ah, wait, Yao-ge-”

“Let’s find a quieter place to read it,” Yao-ge said pointedly, and Wei Ying got the message.

They went to their dorm and Yao-ge unfolded the letter, holding it so that Wei Ying could read, too.

To my dear son,

Life in Yunmeng has been busy of late. The town has been bustling with the changes at Lotus Pier. I can only hope that the worst does not come to pass. I can’t bring myself to imagine you and A-Ying in the midst of such danger. I look forward to the day you both return so that I can be assured of your safety with my own eyes.

In regards to your request, Young Lady Jiang has also spoken to me about moving to Lotus Pier for the time being. To be frank, I nearly declined, as I dearly love our home and don’t want to leave it. But, for the sake of your concern, I will. I am moving into guest quarters in Lotus Pier until the future is more assured. 

I will continue to send letters with Young Lady’s Jiang’s missives when I am able. Give A-Ying my loving regards.

Your loving mother,

Meng Shi

“I didn’t know you had asked Auntie Meng to move,” Wei Ying said once he finished reading the letter.

“I included the letter with the last missive Jiang Wanyin sent to Yunmeng. Lotus Pier is safer than the town, especially with the new defenses. And with the recent movements of the Wen soldiers, I worry that danger looms ever closer.”

A dread that had become terribly familiar fell into Wei Ying’s gut. As much as he tried not to think about it too much, it lingered in the back of his mind constantly. Even training and experimenting with cultivation techniques (both spiritual and resentful) had been tainted by the knowledge that he would need all the skill and strength he could get with a war in the horizon.

“Well, I’m glad she’s somewhere safe,” he said, voice grim. “Did Shijie help arrange it?”

Yao-ge nodded. “Mother is staying as Young Lady Jiang’s guest to ensure there are no unsavory whispers about her presence.”

Wei Ying felt a rush of gratitude to Shijie. Though most people in Yungmeng never batted an eye at Auntie Meng, there were a few who whispered about what her background must be to be unmarried and yet have a son. Had Jiang Fengmian been the one to invite Auntie Meng, it would surely cause a scandal. Madame Yu, meanwhile, didn’t actively dislike Yao-ge and Auntie Meng in the way that she did Wei Ying, but she certainly wouldn’t want her name to be attached to someone with a questionable background. But, as Shijie’s guest, Auntie Meng was afforded the cover of respectability. 

Wei Ying sighed, suddenly realizing how much he missed Auntie Meng. When he told Yao-ge, the older man nodded in understanding. “I do too,” he said and a strange look of sadness entered his eyes. “But we’ll see her soon enough.”

“Still another three months before the lectures are over,” Wei Ying contemplated. Then, they would go home to Yunmeng.

Yao-ge smiled teasingly. “I’m sure you’ll be desolate when you have to leave Lan Wangji behind.”

He probably would be, actually, but he refused to think about their inevitable separation when it was still many weeks away. “You’re one to talk with how you are with Xichen-ge,” he shot back.

Yao-ge got a contemplative look on his face. “I’ll certainly missed Xichen as soon as we leave. But, I don’t intend to be separated from him for long.”

Wei Ying blinked, surprised at Yao-ge casual tone. “You guys have already gone that far? Should I be expecting an engagement announcement?”

Yao-ge chuckled. “Not yet. The timing isn’t exactly ideal. But, as soon as the opportunity arises, Xichen will approach Sect Leader Jiang.” Yao-ge paused contemplatively. “Perhaps I should look into a decent place for Mother to move into in Caiyi.”

Wei Ying frowned. “You guys are just going to leave me alone in Yunmeng?”

Yao-ge rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you coming too?” he asked in a tone that seemed to say ‘you idiot.’

“What?”

“You and Lan Wangji…” Yao-ge looked at him meaningfully.

It took Wei Ying embarrassingly long to get the point. When he finally did, his cheeks flushed. He giggled a moment later. “So we’re both marrying into the Lan Sect.”

Yao-ge smiled. “Which is why Mother will have to move to Gusu.”

“Wait, with Shijie marrying Jin Zixuan, poor Jiang Cheng will be left alone! We need to find someone for him. Wait, do you  know if Jiang Cheng eventually got married, you know, before?”

“He didn’t, at least not to the point that I’m aware of. Though, he was only…thirty-three?...at the time, so he still had plenty of opportunities.” Yao-ge paused and frowned. “Actually, maybe not. He was blacklisted by several matchmakers.”

Wei Ying burst out laughing immediately. “Poor Jiang Cheng,” he managed to say between chuckles. “Then we really do need to find someone for him.”

“Circumstances are different now. Perhaps an opportunity that he didn’t have before will arise this time around. Though, I always wondered if he perhaps simply wasn’t interested in love and marriage.”

Wei Ying thought about it, remembered Jiang Cheng’s general attitude to talks of love and romance. “Maybe you’re right,” he said. 

“If that is the case, it doesn't mean he won’t find companionship of some kind. Who knows what the future holds?”

Wei Ying raised a brow. “ You do.”

Yao-ge laughed. “To a certain extent, but the knowledge has become more and more unreliable as more things change. Eventually, I’ll be as clueless about what the future will bring as anyone else.”

{***}

Meng Yao thought about his flippant words to Wei Ying just a couple of weeks later and nearly laughed at how true they were. After all, he never expected the news that Lan Xichen gave him  

He had gone to visit Lan Xichen as usual and had been met with a grim expression.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, worry immediately rising.

Lan Xichen hesitated before he spoke. “The Elders have decided to send the guest disciples home.”

Shock widened Meng Yao’s eyes. “Why?”

“The recent movements of the Wen soldiers have them worried. If an attack is imminent, the guest diciples should be with their sects. Uncle will announce it tomorrow.”

“But…” But that means I’ll have to leave you sooner than I anticipated, sooner that I was prepared for .

“I know,” Lan Xichen said. He took Meng Yao’s hand and gently pulled him into his arms. “I will miss you.”

Meng Yao’s breath hitched and he found that he couldn’t get words past his throat. He buried his face in Lan Xichen’s chest and let his tears speak for him.

{***} 

When Yao-ge told him that they would be leaving the Cloud Recesses early, Wei Ying was devastated. He burst into tears when he saw Lan Zhan the next morning. Despite being startled, Lan Zhan immediately pulled him close and let him cry on his shoulder. 

“Lan Zhan, we’re leaving.”

“I know. Brother told me.”

“We were supposed to have more time.”

“Mn.”

“What if I never see you again?”

“You will.”

“What if something terrible happens?”

“We will have to do what we can to avoid it.”

“Lan Zhan, we’ll be together again, won’t we?”

“Mn.”

Wei Ying cried not only from sadness at leaving Lan Zhan, but also from the terror of what the coming war might bring. He clung to Lan Zhan even after his tears had dried, resenting the circumstances that would pull them apart. 

That afternoon, Wei Ying went into the forest to try to gather himself alone. The cloud of anxiety that hovered over everyone exacerbated his own and he needed a moment away to pull himself together. 

He sat at the edge of a small stream and stared into the water, focusing his attention on the ripples on the surface, the bubbling of the water’s movement, in an effort to clear his thoughts. 

He heard something rustle in the bushes behind him that distracted him from his contemplations. At first, he didn’t see anything. When he looked closer, towards the base of the bush, he saw a little rabbit hidden away. Two actually. An idea formed in his mind and he carefully rose, then stalked nearer to the rabbits.

That night, he went to Lan Zhan’s rooms and brought with him the pair of rabbits. “So you won’t get lonely,” he said. So you won’t forget me , he meant.

Just two days later, they left.

The journey back to Lotus Pier was somber. Rather than being excited to return home, all three of them were grim, knowing that their early return spoke of nearing war.

They were greeted at the gates, and the joy of seeing their friends and family wiped away the fear for a moment. 

“Auntie Meng!” Wei Ying shouted excitedly as soon as he saw her. He hurried to her, Yao-ge right beside him and she hugged each of them with a fierceness that spoke of her worry. She fussed over them and frowned as she looked up at Wei Ying. “How is it that you’ve grown so much taller?”

Wei Ying grinned. “Definitely not from the food at the Cloud Recesses. It’s a wonder that Lan Zhan and Xichen-ge are even taller with the rabbit food they serve there.”

Auntie Meng’s eyes drifted to Yao-ge and she seemed to repress a smile. Yao-ge noticed it too. He chuckled. “I’m sure you can imagine what it looks like when the four of us stand together. A-Ying should do me a favor and stop growing.”

Wei Ying used every ounce of his self-control to repress the laugh that ached to burst out. Yao-ge gave him a dirty look, not fooled at all. 

He didn’t realize in that moment that this would be the last moment of carefree joy he would have for a long while.

It happened just two days after they had returned to Lotus Pier.

The inter-sect alarm system glowed bright white.

The Wens were descending on the Cloud Recesses.

Chapter Text

There is a terrible moment of silence after the warning device hanging on Sect Leader Jiang’s belt glowed. It was as if even the wind, the lapping of the lake’s water, froze for a moment. 

“All disciples to the meeting hall immediately!” Sect Leader Jiang shouted, breaking the silence.

Everyone around him burst into movement, some running to call their friends, others going straight to the meeting hall. 

Meng Yao was frozen to his spot, terror stiffening his limbs. Not only that, he was furious with himself. 

I couldn’t even prevent this from happening, all those plans amounted to nothing, the Cloud Recesses will still fall, Lan Xichen will still be hurt-

A hand gripped his wrist. He numbly turned his head and met Wei Ying’s eyes. He saw his own terror reflected there. But not the panic. 

“You planned for this,” Wei Ying whispered to him. “Trust that the plans we’ve made will work.”

Meng Yao took a deep breath and closed his eyes, needing a moment to gather himself. Right. Wei Ying was right. 

Meng Yao had even helped Lan Xichen with the logistics of reinforcing the Cloud Recesses’ wards. They had been refigured to, ideally, hold off an attack long enough for reinforcements to arrive, especially if members of the sect continually renewed the energy in the wards. 

He could only hope it worked as planned. 

He opened his eyes, set his jaw, and headed to the meeting hall, Wei Ying following swiftly behind him. 

The room was tense when they entered. Sect Leader Jiang and Madame Yu were arguing. Jiang Wanyin stood nearby, a fierce frown pulling at his brow. Maiden Jiang nervously twisted her fingers together as she watched. 

“-terms of the alliance are clear,” Sect Leader Jiang was saying. “It would besmirch the honor of the Jiang Sect if we refrain from sending reinforcements.”

“If Wen Ruohan is bold enough to attack the Cloud Recesses, he will have no qualms about attacking Lotus Pier next. We need our forces here,” Madame Yu argued. “If the Lan Sect didn’t bolster their own defenses and forces in the last several months, it is not our burden.”

Meng Yao clenched his fists at the dismissiveness of her words. Regardless of whether or not an official Jiang force was deployed, he would be leaving to the Cloud Recesses within the hour. 

“Mother,” Jiang Wanyin squared his shoulders when Madame Yu’s sharp gaze cut to him. “We have to send some reinforcements-“

“We don’t have to do anything.”

“We do,” Jiang Wanyin insisted. “The Jiang Sect entered into an alliance for just this possibility. If the situation were reversed, they would send reinforcements.”

Before Madame Yu could argue further, Maiden Jiang interjected. “We owe the Lan Sect, Mother. They allowed us access to their knowledge on wards so that we could strengthen ours. We can’t repay that with inaction.”

Madame Yu continued to frown but seemed to consider their words. 

“A small contingent,” Sect Leader Jiang said, seeing the opening and being taking it. “Made up of volunteers. The rest of our forces will remain here to protect Lotus Pier.”

“I volunteer!” Wei Ying’s shout drew a glare from Madame Yu. 

“I, as well,” Meng Yao said. 

Several more voices chimes in to volunteer, totaling around two dozen. 

Jiang Wanyin opened his mouth, clearly intending to join in but Madame Yu cut him off with a look. 

“You will remain here to protect Lotus Pier as its future leader,” she said. 

Jiang Wanyin looked like he wanted to argue but wisely chose to not push their luck any further. 

“Meng Ziyao will lead the contingent,” Sect Leader Jiang said, to Meng Yao’s surprise. He had expected Wei Ying to be appointed leader, as the head disciple of the Jiang Sect. 

He didn’t waste time pondering this, though. He directed the volunteers to be at the gate in fifteen minutes and headed out to prepare. 

His first stop was to find his mother to tell her goodbye. He didn’t have to search long, finding her anxiously waiting near the meeting hall. 

“A-Yao, what’s happening?”

“The Cloud Recesses has been attacked. A-Ying, I, and a few others are going to aid them.”

Meng Yao could see the worry in her eyes, could see that she wanted him to stay in the relative safety of Lotus Pier. But, she didn’t argue. “Be safe,” she said, a sheen in her eyes. She brought him into a brief fierce hug. 

When she let go, she looked over his shoulder. “A-Ying,” she called out and Meng Yao nearly started in surprise. It was a testament to his occupied his mind was that he hadn’t noticed Wei Ying following behind him. 

While they said their goodbyes, Meng Yao moved on to hurriedly gather what he needed before heading to the gate. The others joined in twos and threes and when Wei Ying ran up, they were all accounted for. 

Meng Yao gave the order and they rose into the air, their swords pointed to the Cloud Recesses. 

{***}

As they neared  the mountain that housed the Cloud Recesses, Wei Ying’s stomach clenched. 

He couldn’t hear the expected sounds of a battle. The clang of swords didn’t reverberate in the air. Neither did the shouts of the wounded and dying.

Had the Wen soldiers already sacked the Cloud Recesses? Or had the Lan Sect successfully beaten them off within the span of a few hours? 

Had the worst-case scenario happened, or the best?

When they neared the gates, Yao-ge stopped and held up a hand to signal everyone else to halt. He was frozen for a second, then he turned to look over his shoulder. His face held a trace of relief. 

“The wards are holding,” he whispered.

Wei Ying breathed out slowly, his fear easing slightly. 

“Hide in the trees,” Meng Yao ordered. “We can’t attack from the rear with just our group and if the wards hold, there may not be a need to engage in battle. Watch and wait.”

Their small group disappeared into the trees. Wei Ying perched on a branch in tree beside the one Yao-ge was standing on. As they watched, the Wen soldiers continued their assault on the wards, trying in vain the pierce through them. Wei Ying could see that their efforts were half-hearted at best, with many of them likely having given up on getting through the Cloud Recesses’ defenses. 

One of the Wens shouted and began to berate the others. “You idiots! Is this all you can manage? Hours of work and not even a crack in the wards?”

It seemed the shouting man was the leader. Too young to be Wen Ruohan himself. Neither did he seem to be the kind of experienced commander that one would expect a general to be. Wei Ying hazarded a guess that the man was Wen Chao. 

“Keep attacking,” the man shouted. 

The soldiers obeyed, despite the seeming futility of their efforts. 

The leader seemed to be rather short-sighted in Wei Ying’s estimation. The Wen didn’t know that the Lan Sect had called for reinforcements, so there was no need to rush an invasion. They could simply wait out the siege while the Lan Sect was trapped in their home.

Of course, that wasn’t going to be possibly for them, but they didn’t know that. 

Hopefully, the wards would hold until the reinforcements from the Nie and Jin sects arrived so that the three groups, in addition to the Lan Sect, could mount an attack. 

Time passed agonizingly slowly as they watched and hoped that the wards held firm.  Wei Ying’s mind whirred, alternating between imagining nightmare scenarios and fretting over how Lan Zhan fared. He was sure that both of the Lan brothers were at the forefront of the defense, pouring out their formidable energy to keep the wards strong. 

Surely, with the Twin Jades protecting it, the Cloud Recesses wouldn’t fall. 

Suddenly, ripple of shouts rang from within the Cloud Recesses and the surrounding Wen army. 

“Sect Leader Lan!”

“Qingheng-jun!”

Shock coursed through Wei Ying and he exchanged a surprised look with Yao-ge. 

Had Qingheng-jun left seclusion? Lan Zhan had told Wei Ying that Sect Leader Lan was doing better in the past weeks but he hadn’t expected him to have improved enough to leave his sickbed. 

“Stop,” the leader of the Wens ordered. He was frozen for a moment before he began to sputter. “You! You’re alive?! That little idiot-!”

“Young Master Wen,” interrupted a stoic man that was next to Wen Chao. 

Wen Chao gave the stoic man a glare but didn’t continue whatever he had intended to say. “Sect Leader Lan,” he sneered. “Come out to offer your surrender?”

Wei Ying couldn’t hear the response that came from within the Cloud Recesses but whatever it was infuriated Wen Chao. “So quick to refuse my mercy. If you don’t surrender, we will burn the Cloud Recesses to the ground.”

A pause while Sect Leader Lan responded. Wen Chao laughed. “A parley? Why should I, when I have a whole army at your gates? Look, even your sons think it’s a ridiculous-“ He cut himself off and seemed to consider something. “Actually, I changed my mind. I’ll accept your parley. But you’ll have to leave the gate. I’ll even meet you there without any of my soldiers. To be fair.”

Oh no , Wei Ying thought. Don’t do it. Don’t trust him . 

If the delay from within the Cloud Recesses was what he thought, it seemed that Lans agreed with him. 

But then, he saw movement at the gate. A frail man slowly stepped just outside the gates. Between his cloud-patterned ribbon and his striking resemblance to the Twin Jades, it was obvious who he was. He looked sickly and his steps were slow and careful. It was obvious that he shouldn’t be out of his sickbed but had forced himself out due to the dire circumstances. 

“Xichen, Wangji, wait behind me,” Sect Leader Lan said. From the distance, Wei Ying could see the figures of the Twin Jades on the other side of the gate, kept back only by their father’s order. 

Wen Chao went to stand a few paces in front of Sect Leader Lan. Their conversation was too quiet to hear. Wei Ying watched with dread. He knew Wen Chao couldn’t be trusted, knew his cowardly nature from what Yao-ge had told him. He didn’t believe for a minute that the rules of honor would necessarily hold him back. 

The minutes passed slowly. Wen Chao’s voice gradually rose. 

Get back inside , Wei Ying wanted to shout. Go back, go back!

And then it seemed that Qingheng-Jun would do just that. He glanced over his shoulder at his sons, who Wei Ying assumed were insisting that he return to the safety of the wards. He stepped back. 

But it was too late. 

Wen Chao drew his sword and swung it in an arc. The blade drew across Sect Leader Lan’s chest. Red bloomed on his white robes. He fell back and was caught in the arms of his sons. 

Shouts of fury rang from within the Cloud Recesses. Lan Zhan surged forward to leap at Wen Chao, Xichen-ge bringing their father back past the gate. Before Lan Zhan could get near, though, the stoic man that had been beside Wen Chao before swept in and dragged his leader back and out of reach of Bichen. 

“Attack!” Wen Chao shouted, reigniting the assault on the Cloud Recesses. 

Wei Ying watched in horror as the wards flickered. The shock of their sect leader’s death must have diverted the Lan disciples’ attention for long enough for a crack to appear in the wards. 

One Wen soldier was able to slip through. Then another. And another. 

And then the wards fell and the army poured in. 

“Go!” Yao-ge’s voice was raw as he ordered their advance. 

The majority of their group targeted the rear of the Wen army but Wei Ying and Yao-ge fought their way into the heart of the battle. as they neared, Wei Ying saw Lan Qiren moving his brother’s body away from the fight. The Twin Jades, meanwhile, were a swirl of white amidst red, fighting off dozens of Wen soldiers. 

Without a word, Wei Ying leapt into the fray. 

“Wei Ying,” he heard Lan Zhan shout in surprise. 

“I’m here, Lan Zhan,” he yelled back. And then there was no more time to spare a word. 

For every soldier they struck down, another came just as quickly. They tried to stand firm amongst the waves but, slowly, they were being pushed back, the Wens making their way into the Cloud Recesses inch by bloody inch. 

Wei Ying didn’t realize how far they had been forced to retreat until he saw one of the Wen soldiers hurl a ball of flame passed him and felt the heat of the now-burning building at his back. 

He looked over his shoulder and saw the rapidly spreading fire and his heart dropped. 

No . 

After all they had planned, after Yao-ge’s painstaking plans, the Cloud Recesses was still burning. 

“Wei Wuxian!” Yao-ge’s desperate shout made Wei Ying jerk his head around with panic, terrified that he would find Yao-ge with a sword in his chest. Instead, he met Yao-ge’s eyes and they were filled with terror, yes, but also determination. 

“Wake the corpses,” Yao-ge shouted.

Wei Ying’s eyes widened. He didn’t waste another moment, though. As he sheathed his sword, he found himself surrounded by Yao-ge and the Twin Jades. They kept the soldiers away while he withdrew his dizi, lifted it to his lips, and began to play. 

Rise , he ordered the corpses of the Wen soldiers. He knew the exact moment the corpses began to twitch. Not only from the feeling of their energy but also from the startled shouts of the soldiers around them. 

He changed his tune to a song steeped in aggression. Attack . 

The corpses obeyed his order. The Wens found themselves facing the corpses of their dead comrades and terror-filled screams quickly filled the air. 

The Wen advance into the Cloud Recesses halted. Then, it began to reverse. 

With each soldier that fell, he had another corpse for his army of the dead. The slow move to force the Wens out of the Cloud Recesses grew faster with each death. 

When a commotion came from outside the Cloud Recesses, Wei Ying’s song stuttered for a moment. At first, he was afraid that Wen reinforcements were arriving. 

But then he saw the green and gray robes and relief began to wash over him. 

The Nie reinforcements had arrived. 

With the corpse soldiers in front of them and the Jiang and Nie reinforcements behind them, the Wen soldiers started to panic. 

“What are you doing?” He heard Wen Chao scream. “Get back there!”

But in that moment, their terror was stronger than their loyalty and they turned away from the Cloud Recesses, attempting to instead escape. 

And as the retreat began in earnest, a flash of gold appeared. 

A small group of Jin reinforcements had arrived. 

That seemed to be the last straw. The army fled. Wen Chao continued to shout insults as he was dragged away by the stoic man. 

It was quiet for a moment after the last of the red robes disappeared over the forest. The noise that erupted after was a cacophonous mix of celebration and grief as some cheered their victory while others tended to the dead and wounded or turned their attention to the burning buildings. 

Wei Ying played a quiet song to lull the corpses back to rest. So distracted was the crowd that no one said anything about the army of the undead at first. 

Wei Ying’s first concern was to ensure that Yao-ge and Lan Zhan were alright. He found them in the same place, along with Xichen-ge and Lan Qiren. They were all kneeling around the frail form of Qingheng-Jun, whose head and shoulders were supported by his brother. 

As he neared, Wei Ying realized that the sect leader wasn’t moving. Not even breathing. His bloodied torso was completely still. 

His stomach dropped when he realized. 

Sect Leader Lan was dead. 

Both of the Twin Jades had complicated expressions of grief as they stared down at the corpse of the man who was their father, yet also a stranger. 

Yao-ge leaned his shoulder against Xichen-ge’s in a silent show of comfort. Xichen-ge took a shuddering breath and bowed his head. 

Wei Ying crouched down beside Lan Zhan and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. There was nothing he could say in that moment. Lan Zhan raised a hand and covered Wei Ying’s, holding his hand in a tight grip. 

A sharp voice from behind them cut into the silent moment of mourning. 

“Is anyone going to explain what just happened?”

It was Nie Mingjue, whose brows were drawn into a fierce frown. 

The Lan brothers both stood, moving to block their father’s corpse from view rather than have his dignity stripped from him in death. 

And also to hide Wei Ying from view, Wei Ying realized as murmurs began to pick up. He slowly stood and Yao-ge moved to stand beside him. 

“He was controlling the corpses,” Nie Mingjue continued. “That was no normal cultivation.”

“What,” a voice snapped from behind Wei Ying. Lan Qiren stood up from where he had been at his brother’s side. He must not have been paying much attention to the battle while trying to heal Sect Leader Lan, Wei Ying realized.

“It’s not dangerous,” Wei Ying started but Yao-ge nudged him in a silent order to stop talking. 

“Wei Wuxian has been developing a strong method of cultivation for precisely this situation,” Xichen-ge said. “And it has already been extraordinarily pivotal.”

“Xichen, you knew about this?” Lan Qiren hissed. “Controlling corpses isn’t a mere method of cultivation. It is demonic cultivation.”

“And it’s what kept the Cloud Recesses from falling to the hands of the Wens,” Yao-ge interjected, keeping his tone even. “They would have ransacked the Cloud Recesses before enough reinforcements arrived if Wei Wuxian hadn’t provided his aid.”

“You.” Wei Ying felt Yao-ge tense at his side when Nie Mingjue’s attention turned to him. “Did you know about this?”

Yao-ge answered carefully. “I knew that Wei Wuxian was developing methods of using resentful energy.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“He didn’t know,” Lan Xichen said firmly and without hesitation. Wei Ying eyes widened in surprise at the lie and Yao-ge had tensed further. “There was no way to know that Wei Wuxian would develop such unprecedented methods at such a young age.”

Wei Ying raised a brow at the careful phrasing that made what Xichen-ge said technically not a lie. 

Nie Mingjue’s frown didn’t abate, however. “You can’t seriously expect me to believe that he didn’t see something like this in his visions.”

“You can ask him to confirm.”

Yao-ge sucked in a breath when the attention returned to him. Wei Ying noticed a slight tremble in Yao-ge’s hand as he met Nie Mingjue’s eyes. “I didn’t see Wei Wuxian developing the cultivation of resentful energy in the future I saw,” he said in what was very carefully not a lie. 

“That has no bearing on the fact that he has developed it now,” Lan Qiren said. “Wangji, were you aware of this as well?”

“I was.”

Lan Qiren sputtered as he looked between his nephews. “Both of you-You condoned such a thing?”

Xichen-ge drew himself up, straightening his shoulders and lifting his chin, and all at once looked very much like the sect leader he now was. “I could not discount something that could be the difference between victory and defeat. I would never have allowed it if I believed it brought an unacceptable risk of danger.”

“So you just decided that it was an acceptable risk by your judgement.” Nie Mingjue’s brows drew lower. 

“I did. And I stand by my decision.”

The firmness of Lan Xichen’s voice quieted the mutterings for a moment as the crowd was briefly swayed by his resolution. 

Jin Zixuan hesitantly spoke up. “I can’t say I know much about demonic cultivation. But, it was certainly helpful in this battle.”

“Engaging with resentful energy harms the mind and corrupts the spirit,” Lan Qiren said fiercely. “It is dangerous.”

“I have worked with Wei Ying on managing the backlash,” Lan Zhan said. “He is not in danger of corruption. I can vouch for him.”

“Why should we take your word for it?” The voice rang out from an unidentified place in the crowd. Wei Ying’s fists clenched at the attack on Lan Zhan’s honor. He stepped forward, ready to stomp around the protective shield of the Twin Jades and give whoever said that a piece of his mind. 

But then he noticed the offended shouts of Lan disciples. He saw multiple people from each clan throw a glare at the direction of the voice. 

Nie Mingjue scoffed. “I would sooner believe in the honor of the Wens before I believed in any dishonor from Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen. If you both vouch for Wei Wuxian’s methods, I have no protest.”

“Neither do I,” Jin Zixuan said after a moment. 

There were a few whispers of dissent but no one dared speak out against their leaders. 

“We will discuss this later,” Lan Qiren said quietly from behind them but he thankfully let the subject go to deal with the many more urgent issues at hand. 

With the crowd dispersing to tend to the wounded, Jin Zixuan came closer, a troubled look on his face. “I apologize that we weren’t here sooner,” he said to the Lan brothers. “My father…he felt that sending reinforcements wasn’t necessary. It took some time for me to find some volunteers on my own and travel here.”

The Twin Jades exchanged a look before Lan Xichen turned to Jin Zixuan with a weary but reassuring smile. “We’re just glad you arrived when you did.”

Jin Zixuan nodded and left to call together his contingent.

Once the crowd has dispersed to address more urgent matters, the Lan brothers turned back to their father. 

Their mourning would have to be shared eventually. They had lost their father but the Lan Sect had also lost its leader. For now, though, their mourning was private. Two sons and a brother morning the loss of a family member. 

Lan Qiren knelt down and hefted up his brother’s body. 

“Uncle-“

“Uncle, wait-“

Lan Qiren ignored his nephews’ protests. “I will carry him.”

Wei Ying watched as the three figures in white took away the corpse of Qingheng-jun, a small funerary procession for the former leader of the Lan Sect. 

{***}

Later, after fires had been put out, bodies had been moved, and injured disciples had been tended to in the infirmary, Wei Ying found Lan Zhan standing by one of the scorched buildings, a lost look on his face as he gazed at the remains. 

Wei Ying went to his side and threaded an arm through Lan Zhan’s. “Come on, Lan Zhan,” he urged quietly. “You should get some rest.” He tugged at Lan Zhan’s arm but he resisted. 

“I cannot,” he said in a dazed voice. “The buildings, the wounded, my father-“ Lan Zhan’s voice cut off and he swallowed hard as if holding back his emotions.  

“The building fires have been put out. The wounded are being cared for in the infirmary. Your father…there’s nothing to be done. Anything urgent has been dealt with. The rest can wait until you’ve slept.” Lan Zhan didn’t respond. “Please, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Zhan finally nodded, weary eyes meeting Wei Ying’s. Wei Ying lifted his free hand to run his fingers along Lan Zhan’s jaw. He leaned forward and laid a gentle kiss on Lan Zhan’s lips. 

“Let’s go,” he whispered when he leaned away and tugged Lan Zhan towards his quarters. 

This time, Lan Zhan followed. 

{***}

That night, Meng Yao went to Lan Xichen’s quarters. The Cloud Recesses had finally quieted. The silence was almost eerie after the chaos of a battle and the aftermath. 

When he knocked on Lan Xichen’s door, there was no answer. He frowned. He had seen Lan Xichen come this way. Perhaps he had left? But he could see candlelight from the window. 

“Xichen?” he called out when he knocked again, getting worried. 

“Enter.” Lan Xichen’s voice was faint, barely audible at all. Meng Yao hesitantly entered the room. 

“Oh, A-Huan,” he breathed out when he saw Lan Xichen. He was sitting at his dressing table, head bowed and utterly still. No, Meng Yao noticed. Not completely still. There was a tremble in his hands. 

He slowly approached. Lan Xichen didn’t move.  Meng Yao saw a comb on the floor beside Lan Xichen and realized he must have dropped it. He picked it up and stood behind Lan Xichen. 

“May I?”

At the slight nod of Lan Xichen’s head, Meng Yao gently took down his hair. He hesitated when he got to Lan Xichen’s forehead ribbon. When Lan Xichen didn’t protest, he removed the ribbon and set it on the table. Then, he began to comb through his hair. He didn’t say anything, realizing that Lan Xichen was in a state of shock after seeing his home invaded, his father murdered right in front of him, the mantle of sect leader thrust upon him so violently. 

Lan Xichen’s shoulders slowly began to relax as Meng Yao continued combing through his hair despite having already untangled all the knots. Meng Yao’s head jerked up when he heard a faint sniffle. Through the mirror, he saw the tear tracks that fell down Lan Xichen’s cheeks as he stared blankly down at the dressing table. 

Dropping the comb onto the table with a clatter, Meng Yao leaned against Lan Xichen’s back and brought his arms up to hug Lan Xichen to his chest. 

“I’m here,” he whispered. “Whatever you need, I’m here.”

Lan Xichen raised a shaky hand to clutch at one of Meng Yao’s. In that moment, Meng Yao decided that he couldn’t leave Lan Xichen, that he wouldn’t be returning to Lotus Pier with the others. He would stay by his beloved and help his through the coming challenges. 

“I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

Chapter Text

There was much to do in the following days. The wounded needed tending.  The buildings needed repairs. A funeral needed planning. 

The reinforcements left soon after the battle is over. 

The Jin disciples returned to Koi Tower the following day. The Nie stayed for two days, as some of them suffered injuries that required rest before they were fit to travel. 

When the Nie left, Wei Ying asked Meng Yao when they would be leaving. 

Meng Yao steeled himself. He looked Wei Ying in the eye and said “I won’t be going back to Lotus Pier.”

Perhaps he was never meant to stay in Yunmeng forever. He had spent the beginning of his life in Yunmeng in both his first life and his second. It had been kinder to him in his second life, certainly, but it seemed his time there was at an end.

“Are you staying longer to help Xichen-ge?” Wei Ying’s expression is open, calm. He didn’t understand. 

“Yes,” Meng Yao answered. “But I won’t be returning later either.” He paused. “Well, I suppose I will need to eventually to make arrangements to leave the sect.”

Alarm crept into Wei Ying’s expression. “You’re leaving the Jiang Sect?”

Meng Yao raised a brow. “You knew this. We’ve talked about it before.”

“But that was supposed to be later. Not so soon.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be so soon,” Meng Yao conceded. “In an ideal world, I would have remained in Lotus Pier while Xichen and I courted and I would move to the Cloud Recesses after our marriage. But I can’t leave Xichen now. The damage to the Cloud Recesses, his father, taking over the sect…I want to be here to help him through it all.”

Wei Ying was frowning, a slight sheen in his eyes. “I…” he shook his head. “I can’t even argue with that. I understand. I’m worried about leaving Lan Zhan, to tell the truth.”

“Stay a while longer then. The rest can return first.”

Wei Ying nodded. “I’ll stay a few more days. I have to go back. I want to go back. I’m not ready to leave Lotus Pier yet.” He paused with a muted sniffle. “We’ll be living so far apart though. Auntie Meng will be sad too.”

Meng Yao’s heart ached at the thought of being away from the small tranquility of what had been his home for the past several years. “I will be too. We’ll be together again eventually.”

Wei Ying sniffled again. “Not for a while.”

“Not for a while,” Meng Yao conceded. “But just a short chapter on what will be the rest of our lives.”

The rest of my life , Meng Yao thought. It wasn’t something he’d had the luxury of pondering at length in his first life. Nor in his second. Perhaps someday he would be able to thing about the future without the past and present weighing so heavily on him. 

Wei Ying wiped his eyes, a hesitant smile pulling at his lips. “I guess you’re right.” He paused for a moment before speaking in a quiet voice. “I’ll miss you.”

“Me too.”

{***}

Meng Yao directed the other disciples to return the following day. He and Wei Ying stayed behind, still busy with helping with the recovery. 

After an afternoon of assisting with funeral plans, Meng Yao’s thoughts were occupied by the former sect leader. From what he remembered in his first life, Sect Leader Lan had declined steadily and was ultimately killed in the siege of the Cloud Recesses. 

The course of his illness had been strange, though. To have been suddenly on the verge of death, only to just as suddenly improve enough that he had been able to rise from his sickbed and attempt to defend his sect…it was so different from how it had happened before. 

These thoughts followed Meng Yao as he went to the disciples’ dorms. One of the buildings containing disciple residences had been slightly burned, though it remained standing and would need only minor repairs. Meng Yao had volunteered to look through the unoccupied residences to check for any damage. It was only a few rooms that were empty, so he had decided to check them over before heading to dinner. 

The first two took were mostly intact, just minor damage to the exterior walls. When Meng Yao got to the third room, he paused in confusion at the clearly personal belongings stacked in a corner of the room. Then, he remembered Lan Xichen mentioning that one of the unoccupied rooms had belonged to Su Minshan, whose family had collected his body but apparently hadn’t taken his belongings with them when they did. 

He decided to look through the items to see if any could be discarded before the rest were moved to a different location while repairs were made. Su Minshan’s clothing had been neatly folded into a chest, which Meng Yao pushed aside. The used brushes could be thrown away, and there was a stack of papers that could likely be discarded. Meng Yao quickly flipped through the papers to check if anything needed to be kept. A familiar sight inked onto one of the papers made him freeze. 

A red, swirling sun. The crest of the Wen Clan. 

Meng Yao’s fingers were cold and numb as he picked up what turned out to be an unopened letter. He opened it and found a short message.

‘Administer the final dose. The flames will descend in one month.’

It only took a moment for Meng Yao to understand. 

Poison. An attempted assassination meant to look like a natural progression of Qingheng-Jun’s declining condition. 

So Qingheng-Jun’s sudden sickness and recovery hadn’t been natural . Meng Yao assumed that the final dose had been meant to be the fatal one. Su Minshan’s death had served to prolong the former sect leader’s life for a few more weeks. Yet, he had still fallen to the Wens in the end. 

It was a decent plan on the part of Wen Chao. Attack while the Lan Sect was still reeling from the death of its sect leader. All he had needed was a useful puppet in the Cloud Recesses. 

A flurry of emotions raced through Meng Yao, chief among them rage. I should have dealt with him sooner, he thought furiously . Su Minshan’s sense of inadequacy had always been his worst quality, his greatest weakness. He was an average, perhaps even above average cultivator, but he could never stop comparing himself against one of the most skilled cultivators of their generation. 

Fool .

As Meng Yao folded up the letter, he wondered what Su Minshan had been promised for his betrayal. Or, more likely, what he had been threatened with. His courage evaporated swiftly when his life was threatened after all. 

Meng Yao couldn’t help a small bit of pity for the man who had once been his ally and had found himself in the clutches of someone more powerful than he. He tucked the letter into his sleeve. Better to take it away and inform Lan Xichen confidentially than have someone stumble upon evidence of an attempted assassination. 

He started to leave the room but paused before he reached the door. He reached into his sleeve and pulled the letter back out. 

What difference would it make for this knowledge to get out? The Lans were already at war with the Wens and evidence of subterfuge wouldn’t change their goal. All that would change was Su Minshan’s name being disgraced after his death.

Before could overthink it, Meng Yao ignited the letter with a quick surge of energy. He watched as the ashes fell to the floor. 

It was his final favor to one who had once been his ally. 

{***}

Later that evening, Meng Yao and Lan Xichen reviewed the orders for building materials after dinner. 

Rifling through the last one, Meng Yao pointed out “the amount is wrong here. We need 15, not 150.”

Lan Xichen leaned over from where he sat at Meng Yao’s side and looked to where Meng Yao pointed. “You’re right, I must have missed it.”

Meng Yao made the change, thinking that it was no wonder the usually careful man had missed a small error. Lan Xichen had been busy from dawn to dusk and late into the evening for the past several days. Meng Yao suspected that he hadn’t been sleeping well. 

Deciding he couldn’t allow this to continue any longer, Meng Yao put down the paper, scooted back, and patted his lap. “Come, A-Huan.”

Lan Xichen blinked at him for a moment before he realized what he meant. “I still have some papers to look through-“

“Nothing urgent. The rest will be here tomorrow morning. Come.”

Lan Xichen hesitated, but the exhaustion got the better of him. He shifted, stretching out his legs and slowly lowering himself until his head rested in Meng Yao’s lap. As Meng Yao gently stroked his hair, he began to relax. He moved again, turning to his side so that he could nuzzle into Meng Yao’s stomach. He wrapped his arms around Meng Yao’s waist and let out a sigh. 

Meng Yao continued to stroke his hair, gently scratching at his scalp every once in a while. So quietly that Meng Yao barely heard it, he whispered “Thank you, A-Yao.”

“No need for that,” Meng Yao protested. “Someone needs to make sure you get your rest.”

Lan Xichen moved back slightly to meet Meng Yao’s eyes. “Not just for this,” he said, “though this merits gratitude. Everything you’ve done in the past weeks…I don’t know how I would be managing without you. Thank you.”

Meng Yao laid a gentle hand on Lan Xichen’s cheek. “It is an honor to ease your burdens.
I can only hope to continue to do so for the rest of our lives.”

Lan Xichen reached up to grip Meng Yao’s hand on his cheek. “I love you.”

Meng Yao smiled. “I love you too, A-Huan. Now, rest.”

Just like that, they sat until Lan Xichen fell asleep. Meng Yao knew he would have to wake him later to bring him to bed. For now, though, he would relish in having Lan Xichen tucked so close and bringing his beloved what comfort he could. 

{***}

Despite them both having remained in the Cloud Recesses, Wei Ying hadn’t seen much of Yao-ge in the past couple of weeks. He was busy helping Xichen-ge with logistics and Wei Ying was busy accompanying Lan Zhan to oversee repairs and find accommodations for the displaced or orphaned. 

Lan Zhan was so occupied with the many tasks to address that Wei Ying often had to remind him to eat. He did so reluctantly, and his eyes were distant throughout his meals, clearly thinking of what needed to be done next. 

Tonight, though, Wei Ying was determined to get Lan Zhan to relax. Tugging at Lan Zhan’s sleeve as they left the damaged dormitories that were being repaired, he said “hey, Lan Zhan, do you want to play music together?”

Lan Zhan stared at him as if he couldn’t quite process what Wei Ying had asked. 

“We haven’t played together in a while,” he prompted after a few moments. “I want to play our song together.”

“Our song,” Lan Zhan repeated, a bit of light returning to his eyes.

“Yeah, you wrote it for me so it’s our song.”

“Mn. I would like to play it together.”

Wei Ying smiled, grabbing Lan Zhan’s hand. “Then let’s go!”

Wei Ying led them to Lan Zhan’s quarters. Lan Zhan’s quickness in settling in with his guqin belied his eagerness to seek a bit of comfort. 

Lan Zhan seemed to come alive as he played. When Wei Ying started to play with him and the sound of dizi music entwined of the guqin, Lan Zhan even smiled just a bit. 

When the song finished, Wei Ying began to play another and Lan Zhan quickly caught on to play an accompaniment. They continued to leisurely play together, transitioning from one song to another. 

Eventually, Wei Ying let a final song come to an end without launching into another. He lowered his dizi and smiled fondly at Lan Zhan, heart exulting at seeing some happiness return to Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan met his eyes and held out a hand. Wei Ying stepped closer and placed his hand in Lan Zhan’s, curious about what Lan Zhan intended. 

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t Lan Zhan lifting Wei Ying’s hand to his lips and kissing his knuckles. Wei Ying’s face heated as Lan Zhan looked up and spoke, lips still so close that they brushed Wei Ying’s hand. “Thank you for accompanying me.”

Wei Ying covered his face with his free hand with a squeak. “Lan Zhan, you can’t surprise me like that. My poor heart can’t take it.”

“Mn. I will take care of Wei Ying’s heart.”

“Lan Zhaaan,” Wei Ying complained. He plopped down next to Lan Zhan and hid his face in his chest. “So mean.”

Lan Zhan wrapped an arm around Wei Ying’s waist, the other hand still holding Wei Ying’s.

Wei Ying indulged in a short sulk before glancing up at the intent gold eyes that gazed back. Feeling a spark of mischief, he quickly leaned up and kissed Lan Zhan’s cheek. 

Lan Zhan blinked in surprise. Then he said, “you missed.”

Wei Ying smiled guilelessly. “Did I?”

Lan Zhan nodded firmly. 

Wei Ying’s smile widened. “Then perhaps here?” He leaned up again to kiss the corner of Lan Zhan’s mouth, letting his lips linger for a moment. When he leaned back, Lan Zhan gave him a petulant look.

My, my, is Lan Zhan pouting? Wei Ying was delighted at the thought. 

“You missed,” Lan Zhan repeated. 

“Why don’t you show me where I should aim?” Wei Ying asked coyly. 

Lan Zhan immediately wove his fingers through Wei Ying’s hair, pulled him close, and kissed him. His lips met Wei Ying’s fiercely and Wei Ying was swept away. Lan Zhan bit at his lips, then soothed the ache with his tongue. 

Somehow, Wei Ying found himself on his back with Lan Zhan weight pressing down on him. He wiggled against the solid body over him and groaned Lan Zhan’s name in complaint and entreaty. 

Lan Zhan leaned back, the hunger in his gaze making Wei Ying flush even more. “Lan Zhan is so fierce,” Wei Ying said in a voice he hardly recognized. “Will you eat me up?”

Heat flared in Lan Zhan’s eyes. “Shameless,” he said but it didn’t sound like he disapproved. 

“You love it.”

“I do.”

Wei Ying covered his face with his hands and squeaked. “Lan Zhan, not again! You need to warn me before you say things that will make my heart stop.”

“Mn. As Wei Ying wishes.”

Wei Ying looked at him suspiciously but Lan Zhan’s expression was as even as ever. His eyes still burned, though. 

“We can’t,” Wei Ying said, even as his body urged him to continue. “Not now.”

Not when so many other things hung on their shoulders, tainting any joy they might briefly find. 

Lan Zhan seemed to understand, though he seemed just as disappointed as Wei Ying. “Not now,” he agreed. 

“Once this is over,” Wei Ying promised. “We’ll court properly. When we can be together without…everything else.”

“Mn.” Lan Zhan shifted down to rest his weight onto Wei Ying, this time with his head laying on Wei Ying’s chest. Wei Ying cradled his head, gently stroking his ink-black hair. 

Their desire cooled as they lay together, taking comfort in each other’s embrace. 

{***}

Wei Ying should have known the moment of peace couldn’t last long. 

The next day, just past lunch, the talisman at Xichen-ge’s waist glowed purple. 

Wei Ying’s felt icy fingers crawl down his spine, numbing him as he stared at the purple light. 

Wei Ying met Yao-ge’s eyes and saw his terror reflected. 

Lan Xichen’s voice cut through the silence. “Wangji, go with Wei Wuxian. We’ll spare what supplies we can but we don’t have enough people to send many reinforcements. Take a dozen with you.”

Lan Zhan nodded and they were off. Just as they had finished gathering what they needed and were about to take off, Yao-ge grabbed Wei Ying’s wrist. His eyes shown with desperation when Wei Ying met his gaze. 

“Take care of mother,” he pleaded. “Make sure she’s safe.”

Wei Ying nodded. “I will.”

And then they rose into the air to head to Lotus Pier. 

{***}

The battle had already begun by the time they arrived. It seemed that Wen Chao had taken his bruised pride and gone after another sect in an effort to soothe his ego. He hovered at the barrier protecting Lotus Pier and struck it again and again with a whip. Each time he hit it, it glowed with a fresh burst of energy to renew itself. 

Wei Ying grabbed Lan Zhan’s sleeve and led him through the barrier, his clarity bell allowing him entrance. The handful of reinforcements with them joined the Jiang disciples who had charged beyond the barrier to repel the invaders. 

Wei Ying’s head swiveled as he looked frantically for Auntie Meng. He saw Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu at the head of the offense outside the barrier. He saw Jiang Cheng behind them, viciously repelling anyone who got past his parents. He saw Shijie within the barrier directing the efforts to hold the barrier while transporting in the injured. 

“Shijie,” he shouted as he neared her. “Where’s Auntie Meng?”

“She’s safe,” Shijie immediately assured him. “She and some others are keeping shelter in a room with additional wards to protect them.”

A tiny bit of tension eased at the news. Immediately, his mind moved to the matter at hand, now that Auntie Meng’s safety was assured. “We’ll join the fighters outside the barrier.”

“Be careful,” Shijie warned. “Wen Zhuliu is here. The Core-Melting hand.” Sadness weighed down her expression. “He’s already taken the cores of nearly a half dozen. Don’t let him touch your chest.”

Wei Ying nodded, then hurried to the center of the fight. 

When they arrived, Wei Ying called out Jiang Cheng’s name to let him know they had arrived. As soon as he saw them, a bit of relief showed in his expression. 

“Cover for me here,” he shouted to them. “I’m going to help my parents.”

Wei Ying nodded and jumped into the fray while Jiang Cheng ran to where Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu fought together against the man who had stayed by Wen Chao’s side at the Cloud Recesses. From the way he kept trying to reach for their chests, Wei Ying assumed he was Wen Zhuliu. 

It became clear fairly quickly that they weren’t facing a well-planned attack. It seemed that Wen Chao, likely in attempt to salvage his bruised ego after his defeat at the Cloud Recesses, had gathered what forces he could muster and attacked a second major sect just weeks later with little or no foresight. 

It wasn’t long before the Jiang forces began to inch forward, forcing the Wen soldiers back. All the while, Wen Chao hovered at the barrier, ignoring the plight of his forces in a futile attempt to force his way into Lotus Pier. 

Madame Yu looked up at him with a furious glare. Extending Zidian to its greatest length, she drew back her arm and hurled the cracking length forward. Zidian wrapped around the hilt of Wen Chao’s sword. Madame Yu yanked it down, sending Wen Chao tumbling onto the ground. 

As Madame Yu’s attention turned back to fending off Wen Zhuliu, Wen Chao scrambled to grab his sword. Before he could return to the air, Jiang Cheng took the opportunity to attack him. And despite being many years younger, it was clear that Jiang Cheng was the better swordsman. 

Within the span of a few minutes, Jiang Cheng had driven Wen Chao back and with a powerful sweep of his arm, he knocked the sword out of Wen Chao’s hands. 

Many thing happened in the next few moments. 

Jiang Cheng raised his sword to strike a final blow and rid them of the remaining son of Wen Ruohan. 

Wen Zhuliu, seeing his master in danger, threw himself towards them, hand glowing as it reached towards Jiang Cheng’s back. 

Madame Yu ran between her son and Wen Zhuliu.

Uncle Jiang shouted and swung his sword to sever Wen Zhuliu’s hand. 

His sword struck true. 

But it was just a moment too late. 

Madame Yu clutched her chest, golden core extinguished. 

With a roar of fury, Uncle Jiang severed Wen Zhuliu’s head in a single blow. 

Jiang Cheng, in those same few moments, had driven his sword through Wen Chao’s heart. 

The battle seemed to come to a halt as everyone around them realized what had just happened. 

A few moments later, the rest of the Wen troops were retreating, their leader slaughtered. 

Cheers rose up as they left. 

Wei Ying watched as Uncle Jiang and Jiang Cheng surrounded Madame Yu, who was hunched over, hands still fisted over where her golden core used to be. Running out from the barrier with a distressed cry, Shijie joined them. Jin Zixuan was with her, though he stayed back out of respect for the family tragedy. 

Wei Ying hadn’t even noticed the Jin reinforcements. There were more of them this time. Perhaps Jin Guangshan had gained a sense of shame and sent soldiers to aid his future daughter-in-law’s sect. 

Or perhaps he had chosen a side after their victory at the Cloud Recesses. 

Uncle Jiang rose and supported Madame Yu’s pained efforts to stand. Amidst the chaos of their surrounding, they slowly walked into Lotus Pier, Madame Yu’s back straight and proud despite her obvious pain. Uncle Jiang’s arm around her waist kept her upright as they made their way inside.

Jiang Cheng and Shijie closely followed, but refrained from trying to help Madame Yu any further. Wei Ying figured that they likely realized that her pride couldn’t allow her to accept any more help.

Wei Ying felt a hand take his and glanced to his side to find Lan Zhan’s steady gaze.

Somehow, just seeing that quiet steadiness helped him regain his equilibrium. He squeezed the hand that held his in silent gratitude.

{***}

After helping transport the wounded to the infirmary and verifying that all of the Lan disciples had made it out with just a few minor injuries, Wei Ying asked where Auntie Meng had been sheltered. Now that the matter of life and death had been addressed, he needed to make sure she was okay.

Once he found out where the protected room was, he hurried over. Lan Zhan followed without a word. When they arrived at the room, Wei Ying paused as he remembered that it had additional barriers to protect those within. 

“Auntie Meng,” he called out hesitantly. 

He heard a shuffle in the room and then Auntie Meng’s voice. “A-Ying?”

“Yes, it’s me. The battle is over. Can you lower the barriers from inside?”

“Yes, Young Lady Jiang showed me how. Give me a moment.”

A few seconds later, the barrier faded away. Wei Ying immediately hurried forward. The door swung open and Auntie Meng ran out. She immediately wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Her voice was shaky. “I’m so glad you’re alright.”

Wei Ying returned her hug fiercely, tucking his face into her shoulder like a child. 

“Did A-Yao stay at the Cloud Recesses?” Auntie Meng asked after several moments. When Wei Ying pulled back, she didn’t look surprised. He nodded and told her a brief version of what Yao-ge had said to him. 

Auntie Meng smiled softly. “A-Yao has always held tightly once he chose a path. I worried that it might be a detriment someday but it seems he’s found himself a path worth dedicating himself to.”

Auntie Meng turned her attention to Lan Zhan and her eyes widened once she seemed to recognize him. “Second Young Master Lan,” she greeted with a bow. “It’s been many years.”

“Lady Meng,” Lan Zhan greeted in turn. 

Auntie Meng smiled at him. “You’ve become the image of a handsome young master. If your brother is the same, it’s no wonder my boys are so enamored with you both.”

Wei Ying blushed. “Auntie Meng!”

“It’s a compliment,” Auntie Meng said. “It can only reflect well on them to have won your hearts.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Lan Zhan said.

That made Auntie Meng’s smile soften. “Then I hope you will take care of A-Ying’s heart.”

Lan Zhan nodded with a gravity that made Wei Ying’s heart flutter. “I will.”

A somberness returned to Auntie Meng’s face, the light-hearted moment fading quickly. “Is…is everyone alright?”

Wei Ying hesitated. “We lost some people,” he said quietly. “Many others were injured. And the Core-Melting hand…he got to several people. Madame Yu was one of them.”

Auntie Meng’s brows drew together. “For some, that might be a fate worse than death.”

Wei Ying nodded in silent agreement. As much as the chaotic rush of using resentful energy was exhilarating, it was nothing like the warmth of using his golden core as easily and naturally as breathing. To no longer be able to feel that…well, he didn’t even want to imagine it. 

He suddenly felt a fierce rush of savage pleasure that Wen Zhuliu has lost the hand that had destroyed so many golden cores before he lost his life. 

It had been too easy a death for both him and his master, but Wei Ying could be nothing but glad that they were both gone.

{***}

That evening, the atmosphere was solemn. Madame Yu had refused to remain in the infirmary and returned to her residences, her pride preventing her from allowing herself to look weak where others could see. Even so, Uncle Jiang apparently refused to leave her side.

Though they had lost very few, many had been injured and they remained in the infirmary  

A part of Wei Ying wanted to return to the cottage that was home and pretend for a while that none of this had happened. 

He found himself unable to sleep that night. Lan Zhan had been put in a room beside Wie Ying’s but he didn’t want to bother him when he was likely already asleep. Instead, he decided to take a walk.

The quiet was somewhat eerie after the noise of the day. The recovery that was needed was much less than what the Lan Sect was contending with. After all, the barrier had held, so Lotus Pier proper hadn’t been damaged. Some of the outlying areas would need repairs but it was all minor damage. 

As he neared the lake, intending to watch the dark surface and take in the cool breeze by the water, he found that someone else had the same idea. 

Two people, he realized as he got closer. 

Jiang Cheng and Shijie were both seated at the dock, talking quietly. He hesitated, thinking he should leave. But then Jiang Cheng seemed to notice his presence, turning around to see him. Shijie turned as well and gave his a tired smile. 

“Join us,” she said. 

He walked over and sat by Jiang Cheng. “How are your parents doing?”

“Not well,” Jiang Cheng said bluntly. “Mother is taking the loss really hard. She…she gave me this.” He held out his hand and Wei Ying leaned over to see Zidian clutched there. He gasped. 

“She said she wouldn’t need it anymore,” Jiang Cheng continued. “This…well, it’s not exactly how I’d imagined getting Zidian.”

“Father has been attentive,” Shijie noted. “Despite the situation, I think she’s a little happy to see Father so concerned about her.”

Wei Ying smiled faintly. “Good for her,” he said. Maybe she can rid herself of her grudge to my mother, he thought far less charitably. 

“The wounded are okay?” He asked. 

Shijie nodded. “None of them are in critical condition. They should all make full recoveries.”

“That’s great,” Wei Ying said, more genuinely this time. 

They were quiet for a few moments, the specter of the dead making the atmosphere grim. 

Trying to improve the mood, Wei Ying nudged his shoulder into Jiang Cheng. “How’s it feel to be the hero of the battle? The fearless warrior who struck down the heir to the Wen Sect.”

Jiang Cheng managed a faint smile. “He was no challenge. A coward who hid behind his servant.”

“Now both of Wen Ruohan’s sons are dead,” Wei Ying contemplated. “A crisis of inheritance. I wonder if he’ll take Wen Chao’s death as hard as he took Wen Xu’s.”

Shijie suddenly straightened to rapt attention. Wei Ying blinked at her, surprised. 

“Shijie?”

She stood quickly. “There’s an urgent matter I must attend to,” she quickly said as she hurried away. 

Wei Ying stared after her, then shrugged. There were plenty of things that might require her urgent attention after a battle, especially with her parents unavailable. 

“Ziyao isn’t returning?” Jiang Cheng asked. 

Wei Ying shook his head. “His heart keeps him at the Cloud Recesses. 

Jiang Cheng frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Uh…you know, Yao-ge and Xichen-ge…”

That didn’t seem to clear up any confusion. “What about them?”

Wei Ying stared at him, flabbergasted. “You…you don’t know that they’re courting? Well, they kind of skipped that stage and act like they’re already married.”

Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened. “When did that happen?”

“Around the same time Lan Zhan and I did.” Wei Ying looked curiously at Jiang Cheng. “You really didn’t know? You knew about me and Lan Zhan before I did!”

“That was because you’re so obvious that a rock could see you mooning over him! Ziyao isn’t as easy to read.”

Wei Ying shrugged. “I guess so. But, anyway, that’s why he stayed at the Cloud Recesses.”

“So I guess both of you will be living there eventually.”

Wei Ying nodded. 

“And A-Jie is going to live at Koi Tower,” Jiang Cheng mused with a slight frown. 

Wei Ying grinned and nudged Jiang Cheng. “Are you worried about being all alone? Should we set you up with someone?”

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng warned. 

“The Jiang Sect will already have ties to the Jin and Lan. Maybe we can find you someone from the Nie Sect? I’ve heard the ladies there are fierce!”

“Wei Wuxian!”

“Oh! What about Nie Huaisang? You get along well and he’s sharper than he looks.”

Jiang Cheng shoved at him and he laughed. “Come on, Nie Huaisang isn’t so bad that you need to be so mad. Though I would be careful trying to court him with the watchdog he has around. Xue Yang looks like he’d bite your fingers off for touching his master.”

“I wasn’t going to!” Jiang Cheng said through gritted teeth. 

“But maybe you wanted to?”

“I will shove you in this lake.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop! No need for a nighttime swim.”

Jiang Cheng looked at him suspiciously but refrained from sending him into the water. 

It was quiet for a few moments. Then Jiang Cheng spoke in a hesitant tone. “You’ll stay for a while, won’t you?”

Wei Ying glanced over, surprised at the question. When he saw the vulnerable look on Jiang Cheng’s face, he realized that he wasn’t asking about this moment specifically.”

“Yeah, I will,” he answered softly. “I don’t want to leave Lotus Pier just yet. I’ll be here a while longer.” 

Jiang Cheng let out an almost imperceptible sigh. “Good,” he said. 

It was clear that Jiang Cheng realized that this was the day when the mantle of the sect would begin to transfer over to him and the idea of beginning to take on his parents’ position was daunting. 

Hopefully it would be many years before he had to take on the role fully. But, while he grew accustomed to the weight, he was clearly relieved to have someone around to help him. 

Wei Ying supposed he would make the best of his remaining time at Lotus Pier to help him out.  

Chapter Text

A somber haze hovered over Lotus Pier in the days following the battle. Despite this, the efforts to repair the damage proceeded swiftly. With Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu otherwise occupied, Jiang Cheng took the lead, with Shijie handling logistical matters of supply and payment. 

Madame Yu had not left her rooms since the day of the battle. The healers went there to provide treatment and Uncle Jiang remained at her side. 

A week after the battle, however, Wei Ying was called to the audience hall and was surprised to find Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu there. 

Madame Yu was pale, her face seeming to have lost some of its vitality. Yet, despite the dark circles that ringed her eyes, her gaze was still sharp, her expression severe as she sat with a straight back, her posture as commanding as ever. 

Wei Ying hurriedly knelt down before them, their serious expressions making him nervous. 

“Wei Wuxian,” Madame Yu started, and Wei Ying immediately flinched at the fury in her voice. “We’ve heard tales of what you did at the battle at the Cloud Recesses.”

Wei Ying had to think for a moment before he realized what Madame Yu was referring to.

Ah, right, the small issue of his use of demonic cultivation. 

After the issue had been addressed and gotten the reluctant approval of the other sects due to its usefulness in battle, he had swiftly forgotten about the issue in favor of more pressing matters. But, though Jiang Cheng knew, Wei Ying had never told his sect leader. 

He bowed his head. “I apologize for not telling you. I should have gotten your approval-“

“Do you understand the severity of your presumption?” Madame Yu interrupted sharply. She leaned forward, her rage making her presence fill the room. “The shame you could have brought to the Jiang Sect if the tide of public opinion had flowed differently? If I had Zidian you would taste its strike for your insolence. Are you a member of the Lan Sect to have gained their approval while your own sect knew nothing about your experiments?”

Wei Ying wanted to say that the future Jiang sect leader had known and approved of his use of demonic cultivation, but he refrained, unsure if Jiang Cheng had told his parents and unwilling to rat him out if that was the case. 

“I apologize,” he repeated. “I only wanted to help in the fight against the Wen Sect.” He didn’t add that a large portion of his motive was intellectual curiosity. 

“You didn’t use it during the recent battle,” Uncle Jiang noted. 

“The battle was already well in hand,” he explained. “I thought it would do more harm than good to raise the dead and cause a panic. 

Madame Yu eyed him. “So you are capable of thinking before acting. What a surprise.”

Wei Ying elected to keep quiet, not wanting to stole her fury.  

“You’re not in trouble, A-Xian,” Uncle Jiang reassured him. 

“Only because you’re lucky enough that your presumption proved useful,” Madame Yu said. “It’s quite a potent weapon.”

“It has other uses,” Wei Ying felt compelled to explain. “It can be used while night-hunting. I’ve thought of some ways that talismans can be altered to influence resentful energy, even some new ones. And they can all be used without a golden core. I can show you some, Madame Yu-“

“Don’t you dare suggest such a thing,” Madame Yu snapped. Her expression made it clear that she had taken offense to the suggestion. “Just because I’m allowing you to practice your crooked cultivation, it does not mean I would stoop to dealing in such filth.”

Wei Ying bowed again despite his annoyance. “I apologize for my presumption, Madame Yu.” He didn’t understand how her pride could prevent her from learning a new method to replace what she lost, but he wasn’t about to argue with her. 

“We have no objection to your continued research,” Uncle Jiang said. 

“As long as you document your methods and keep copies in the sect library,” Madame Yu added. 

“Of course,” Wei Ying quickly said. “I’ve already been keeping notes, and I’ve given some copies to Lan Zha- I mean, Lan Wangji. I’ll make more copies to keep here.”

“Good. Then you are dismissed.”

Wei Ying rose, gave a final bow, then swiftly left. He found Lan Zhan waiting for him outside and grinned. He trotted over and clung to Lan Zhan’s arm, keeping his hold even as they began to walk together. 

Lan Zhan glanced down at him. “Is all well?”

Wei Ying smiled at Lan Zhan’s concern and nodded. “Yup. They wanted to talk about my use of resentful energy. I managed to avoid getting in trouble but I think that’s only because the other sects have already accepted it.”

“Good,” Lan Zhan said, revealing the concern he must have felt. Wei Ying’s heart squeezed at seeing Lan Zhan’s concern for him. Truly, sometimes it felt like Lan Zhan’s mere existence was a danger to Wei Ying’s heart. 

As they walked together, stealing a quiet moment in each other’s company, Wei Ying couldn’t help but think about how happy he was with Lan Zhan beside him and how sad he would be when Lan Zhan left. 

“Have you decided when you’re returning?” He asked, fingers unconsciously tightening around Lan Zhan’s arm. 

“Mn. I will return with Meng Ziyao when he has finished his business here.”

Yao-ge was supposed to arrive at Lotus Pier the next day and stay for a few days to check on his mother and speak to Uncle Jiang about withdrawing from the sect, among other things. 

Wei Ying knew that Lan Zhan had to return, that the Cloud Recesses needed its now-heir. After all, Lotus Pier had been lucky to escape major damage but the Cloud Recesses still needed much work to repair. 

Even so…

“I’ll miss you.”

Lan Zhan stopped walking so that he could face Wei Ying. He lifted a hand to brush away a lock of hair that tickled Wei Ying’s cheek, then cupped his hand around the nape of Wei Ying’s neck. “And I as well.”

That damn Lan sincerity was going to be the death of him, Wei Ying thought to himself as his heart squeezed. He leaned forward until his forehead thumped onto Lan Zhan’s shoulder. Lan Zhan’s arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer. They stayed like that, taking comfort in each other’s closeness, until Wei Ying heard someone calling his name. 

He looked up and saw Jiang Cheng coming towards them, waving a hand. Wei Ying shifted away from Lan Zhan but kept their hands clasped. He smiled and walked over to meet Jiang Cheng. 

When they neared, Wei Ying put a hand on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder and leaned in to quietly speak. “Thanks for not saying anything to your parents.”

Jiang Cheng understood despite the vagueness of the statement. “They asked me about it yesterday, must have heard it from some rumor. I thought it would be better to not say anything rather than risk our stories not matching if they got to you first.”

“They didn’t ask much, but Madame Yu was furious that I didn’t ask for permission from them.”

“Could’ve been worse.”

Wei Ying shuddered at the thought of how things might have went if Madame Yu still had Zidian. “I’m glad it wasn’t. Have you seen Shijie today?”

Jiang Cheng’s expression soured. “She’s with Jin Zixuan.”

“He’s still here? I thought the Jins left yesterday.”

“They did, except for Jin Zixuan. He sent the others back and said he would stay to help. Of course, he’s just been sticking by A-Jie, so him and his noble excuse are full of shit.”

“Isn’t this the first time they’ve seen each other in person since they started exchanging letters? Is he being nice?”

“Yeah. But it’s somehow worse now, with Jin Zixuan making a fool of himself trying to impress A-Jie.”

Wei Ying snickered. “You should be taking notes, making sure you have a good arsenal of blackmail material to bring up later.”

Jiang Cheng’s expression lightened into a mischievous glee. “You’re so right. He’ll never have a peaceful moment. I’ll tell their kids about how their father made a fool of himself.”

“Should we go spy on them now?”

“Absolutely.”

Lan Zhan excused himself from their trouble-making, opting to return to his room. Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng snuck around to watch Jin Zixuan’s fumbling attempts at charm until the snickering that they couldn’t hold back gave them away, Shijie’s exasperated gaze finding them. 

Jiang Cheng immediately apologized, buckling under his sister’s disappointed look. Wei Ying sauntered over to Jin Zixuan and thumped him on the back before propping his elbow on his shoulder. “Maybe someday you’ll be able to string a coherent sentence together in front of Shijie,” he said with exaggerated sympathy. “Maybe even before your wedding.”

That just made Jin Zixuan turn even redder. Taking pity on him, Wei Ying lowered his voice so that Jin Zixuan could hear him. “Yao-ge is coming tomorrow. He might find the time to give some advice. In the meantime, try to finish thinking your thoughts before saying them.”

Jin Zixuan looked at him with surprise, as if he hasn’t expected Wei Ying to be nice to him. Which was uncalled for, Wei Ying thought, seeing as his teasing had become reluctantly friendly months ago.

With a nod and an awkward, “thanks,” Jin Zixuan apparently ran out of whatever tolerance had kept him from flinging Wei Ying’s elbow off of him and shrugged him away. Wei Ying leaned away without protest and watched with amusement as Jin Zixuan tried to initiate a conversation with Shijie while Jiang Cheng eyed him suspiciously. 

It was a small moment of levity and all the more precious for its rarity of late. 

{***}

Yao-ge arrived the next afternoon. Before anything else, he came to Wei Ying and asked where Auntie Meng was. 

“Back at the cottage,” he answered. She had returned to their home as soon as safety was assured. 

Yao-ge turned to hurry away, then paused, pulled a letter out of his sleeve, and handed it to Lan Zhan. “From Lan Xichen,” he said. Then, without further delay, he left to check on Auntie Meng. Wei Ying went to follow but decided to let Yao-ge have a much needed moment with his mother. 

Beside him, Lan Zhan opened the letter. He read through it, a frown slowly pulling his brows together. 

“What is it?” Wei Ying asked. 

“Since the repairs are so extensive, the Elders think it prudent to check if any other buildings require maintenance.”

Wei Ying frowned. That sounded perfectly reasonable. He assumed there was more to it. “And?”

“In particular, they would like the lesser used buildings to be checked, as they are more likely to have issues that haven’t been noticed. Including the former sect leader’s quarters.”

“Ah.” The Lan brothers had so far avoided going into their father’s self-imposed prison, though they would eventually have to in order to clear out the contents. 

“Brother would like to have me present when it is done.”

The corners of Lan Zhan’s mouth pulled down in barely discernible worry. He folded the letter and his tightening grip wrinkled the paper. “Brother rarely asks anything of me.”

Wei Ying understood immediately. Of course, as the older brother, Xichen-ge wouldn’t ask much from his younger brother. For him to ask for Lan Zhan’s support in this was a testament to how upsetting the thought of going into his father’s quarters, looking through his father’s belongings, must be to him. 

Wei Ying leaned into Lan Zhan’s side, offering his silent support. 

Jiang Cheng walked up just a few moments later. He looked around, then gave Wei Ying a confused look. “I thought I saw Ziyao get here.”

“He went to check on Auntie Meng.”

“Well, whenever he’s done, Father and Mother want to speak to him.”

“I think that’s his next stop anyways. But he might be a while. He was really worried about Auntie Meng.”

“Of course,” Jiang Cheng said, clearly understanding the fear for one’s family. “I hope he knew that we would never have taken her safety lightly.”

Wei Ying smiled, a rush of gratitude running through him. He wouldn’t say it publicly but it was Jiang Cheng’s sincerity in saying such a thing that let Wei Ying know that he would be a better sect leader than either of his parents. He had his father’s compassion without the accompanying passivity and his mother’s determination without the accompanying harshness. He had a temper, to be sure, but a kind heart to soften it. 

“I’m sure he knew,” Wei Ying assured him. “Just like I did. But it’s one thing to know logically that she would be okay and another to see her safe.”

Jiang Cheng nodded in understanding. “Let him know to meet with Mother and Father when he gets back then.”

Wei Ying promised that he would. By the time he turned his attention back to Lan Zhan, he had stowed the letter away and his expression had evened. 

“Come on,” Wei Ying said, taking Lan Zhan’s hand and tugging it gently. “Let’s spar for a bit.” He hoped the physical exertion would help Lan Zhan leave his worries behind for a while. 

Lan Zhan nodded and they went to the training grounds. They kept their sparring light, clashing their swords together, then pushing away in a dance without the aggression of a true fight. 

Eventually, rather than moving forward to continue the spar, Wei Ying stepped back and plopped down, laying on his back in the grass as he panted. He heard Lan Zhan sheath his sword and walk over to him. 

Wei Ying grinned when Lan Zhan’s face entered his line of sight. He patted the ground beside him in invitation. Lan Zhan sat and Wei Ying scooted until he could rest his head in Lan Zhan’s lap. Lan Zhan allowed it without protest, brushing Wei Ying’s sweaty hair out of his face. 

They rested together like that for a while, until an amused voice called out “must you do that in public?”

Wei Ying looked over to see Yao-ge walking towards them. He sat up and shot back “like you don’t do the same with Xichen-ge.”

“I don’t, actually. We keep our affection private.”

“You don’t have to be physically affectionate to make people uncomfortable. I’ve seen where your eyes go when Xichen-ge is around and it’s enough to give me nightmares.”

Yao-ge rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. 

“Did you cry when you saw Auntie Meng?”

“I didn’t,” Yao-ge said, shooting him an annoyed look. The slight redness around the rims of his eyes made Wei Ying doubt him, though. “I was just, naturally, happy to see her well.”

There was a vulnerable look in Yao-ge’s eyes and Wei Ying wondered what something had happened to Auntie Meng in Yao-ge’s first life. It wasn’t something he was about to ask in public, though, so he changed the subject. 

“Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu want to speak to you.”

Yao-ge nodded in acknowledgment. “I need to speak to them as well. Are they expecting me?”

“Yup.”

“Then I won’t keep them waiting any longer.” He went off, a frown pulling at his brow. 

Wei Ying laid back down in Lan Zhan’s lap and closed his eyes, intending to remain there for a while longer. 

{***}

When Yao-ge left his meeting with Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu and found Wei Ying at the dock, his expression had lightened. 

“How was it?”

“It went fine. I don’t technically need permission to withdraw from the sect but I preferred to leave on good terms rather than cause a rift between the Jiang and Lan sects.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Wei Ying considered the implications for a moment. “Wait, does that mean you’re now here as a representative of the Lan Sect?”

Yao-ge chuckled. “I suppose so, considering one of the reasons I’m here is to discuss any support that the Jiang sect can provide to help with the repairs. Lotus Pier seems to have fared much better than the Cloud Recesses.”

“The fighting didn’t enter Lotus Pier,” Wei Ying explained. “The wards held long enough for the Wens to be fought off.”

“Good,” Yao-ge’s relief was clear. “After the Cloud Recesses, I was worried…Well, no use worrying about that any longer.”

Wei Ying thought he understood. Yao-ge had been so upset that the Cloud Recesses had burned despite his efforts to avoid it. That disappointment must have lingered, morphed into anxiety. 

“It’s all thanks to you that Lotus Pier was spared,” Wei Ying said. “Without all of the defensive measures you insisted on, Lotus Pier might have fallen.”

There was a slight ease in the tension in Yao-ge’s shoulders. “Let’s just hope my successes continue. Especially now.”

Wei Ying wondered why it was particularly important for Yao-ge’s plans to succeed now, of all times. Before he could ask, however, Yao-ge spoke. “I heard you were called in by Sect Leader Jiang and Madame Yu. How did that go?”

“Fine. It was about my research and using resentful energy at the battle at the Cloud Recesses.”

“Ah. Yes, I suppose it was only right that your sect leader address the small issues of your development of an entirely new method of cultivation. I’m sure they weren’t happy with you.”

“No, not at all. Uncle Jiang seemed more disappointed that I hadn’t gotten proper permission. But Madame Yu was furious,” Wei Ying said, nearly shivering at the memory of her enraged expression. “I’m surprised that the only thing she insisted on was just getting copies of my research.”

Yao-ge laughed. “‘Just’ that? A-Ying, your research is going to change the foundation of cultivation. She’s shrewd. She ensured that the Jiang sect will have leverage over the other sects. Your methods are an invaluable bargaining chip.”

“Oh. But I already told her that the Lan sect already has copies of my research. I don’t plan on keeping any new methods from Lan Zhan. I run basically every idea I have by him.”

“Good.” Yao-ge smiled slyly. “I wouldn’t want the Jiang Sect to have such powerful leverage against the Lan Sect.”

Wei Ying smiled at first but it faded quickly. “I didn’t do any of that research for it to be a political tool, though.”

“I know, A-Ying. But Madame Yu, for all her faults, has the right idea. If…when Wen Ruohan is gone, there will be a power vacuum. It won’t go well if one sect has greater leverage than the others.”

Wei Ying could see that Yao-ge spoke from experience. He didn’t argue, but he still didn’t like the idea. “How much leverage could it even be?” he mumbled, mostly to himself. 

Yao-ge raised a brow. “You mean your inventions that eventually become an essential part of night-hunting?”

“Do they really?”

“They do. Actually, I wonder how much more your inventions will change things, considering…well, it will be interesting to see.”

A voice called out Yao-ge’s name and they both turned to see Jin Zixuan approaching. Wei Ying suppressed a smirk and whispered to Yao-ge “he’s probably about to beg for some advice on how not to make a fool of himself in front of Shijie.”

Yao-ge let out a put-upon sigh. “I think he owes me at this point.”

Wei Ying slipped away, leaving Yao-ge to deal with Jin Zixuan and wishing him luck in his thoughts. 

{***}

The following day, Wei Ying left the guest room at Lotus Pier and returned to the cottage. 

Jiang Cheng had sent his pets away for the past several weeks and had sent word to bring them back now that it was safe. With the dogs returning, Wei Ying had elected to return home. It was unlikely that there would be further danger, at least for now. Yao-ge wouldn’t have let Auntie Meng remain outside of the protection of Lotus Pier unless he thought it was safe enough, after all. There hadn’t been any word of movement of the Wen forces, so it seemed there was no immediate danger. 

It was strange, actually, how quiet it was. It was as if Nightless City had gone silent. It was unusual and something about it made Wei Ying nervous. When he voiced his concern to Lan Zhan as they walked together along the lake by the cottage, Lan Zhan was contemplative. 

“Perhaps Wen Ruohan is in mourning for his son.”

“I guess. But even the small skirmishes have stopped. Don’t you think that Wen Ruohan could be angry and marshaling his forces for a larger attack?”

A worried frown pulled at Lan Zhan’s brow. “It is possible.”

That certainly didn’t help Wei Ying’s worry. But there was no way to predict how Wen Ruohan would react. They could only keep alert and prepared. He decided that he wouldn't let his worries keep him from enjoying the limited time he had with Lan Zhan, so he put the matter out of his mind. 

When they returned to the cottage, Wei Ying smiled at the sight of Shijie just outside. She was speaking with Yao-ge in hushed tones. As they neared, Yao-ge smiled slightly before he noticed them and his expression smoothed over. 

“Second Young Master Lan,” Yao-ge said. “Sect Leader Jiang and Madame Yu would like to meet this afternoon to discuss aid between the Jiang and Lan sects, if you would be so kind as to join.”

Lan Zhan nodded. “I will, though I am certain Brother will trust what decisions you make regardless.”

Yao-ge smiled. “Perhaps. But it would be best to have a member of the Lan sect present and I am not one yet.” He looked over at Shijie. “Will you be joining?”

Shijie shook her head. “I have other matters to see to.”

Wei Ying wanted very badly to ask if those things Shijie had to see to were related to Jin Zixuan’s upcoming departure the next morning. But Yao-ge must of read his mind, as he gave Wei Ying a glare that was clearly an order to keep his mouth shut. 

Wei Ying reluctantly obliged. 

{***}

The following morning, Jin Zixuan left. He put it off so long, clearly not wanting to go, that it was nearly noon by the time he flew off. 

With Lan Zhan and Yao-ge occupied in another meeting to finalize the matters discussed yesterday, Wei Ying kept Shijie company. 

They spoke on lighter topics for a while until Wei Ying couldn’t hold back the question. 

“Has there been any news?” Wei Ying asked Shijie. The relative quiet was twisting his nerves, each day of silence making the dread in his gut heavier. 

Why would Wen Ruohan go quiet after the death of his son? Wouldn’t he be furious, more aggressive than ever? The fact that there has been no movement since the battle was unnerving. 

Shijie shook her head, a perturbed expression crossing over her face. “No word of anything from the Wen Sect.”

Worry roiled in Wei Ying’s gut. He attempted to calm the anxiety. “Isn’t that good?” He tried to convince himself as he spoke. “Less news is good news in war, right?”

Shijie’s frown didn’t ease. “Perhaps. But not now.”

‘Not now .’

Wei Ying was reminded of what Yao-ge had said when he first arrived a couple of days ago, that it was especially important now that his plans succeed. 

Something shifted in Wei Ying’s mind, various pieces slowly gathering together. Something about how Shijie had reacted the night of the battle, how it was so important now that things went to plan. Could it be…?

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. “Come to the training grounds. You’re leading the lesson today.”

The words made Wei Ying forget about his worries and he grinned at what was left unspoken. Trainings has been on hold since the battle to allow time to repair, heal, and grieve.

It was, perhaps, ultimately an ordinary, routine matter to resume lessons. But it was precisely because it was ordinary and routine that Wei Ying felt an odd sense of relief at this small piece of normalcy returning.

His worries couldn’t be banished that easily, but he found that returning to something familiar helped him forget for a while.

{***}

The following morning, Yao-ge and Lan Zhan left to return to the Cloud Recesses. Wei Ying would be lying if he said he didn’t cry. Just a little, though! He clung to Lan Zhan’s side until the last possible moment. Now he watched their backs as they flew away. 

Auntie Meng patted his arm consolingly. “You’ll see them soon,” she said, though her own eyes were wet. 

Wei Ying nodded but found that he couldn’t speak past the knot in his throat. 

“Come, A-Ying,” she said. “I know you didn’t have breakfast today because you were upset. Let’s eat together.”

Wei Ying followed without a word. He couldn’t quite explain that he wasn’t upset just because they had left, though that was a significant part of it. But the dread that he had felt since the first few days after the battle, the fear of not being able to predict what was to come, it had frayed his emotions.

He could only hope that when news did arrive, it wasn’t what he feared. 

{***}

When Meng Yao returned to the Cloud Recesses, there was much to do. So much that he hadn’t had the time to fret over what Lan Xichen intended to do. 

So when Lan Xichen told his several days later that he and Lan Wangji were going to go to their father’s quarters as planned, all that fretting came back with a vengeance. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come too?” Meng Yao held onto Lan Xichen’s hand, worry making him reluctant to let him go. “I can help with organizing what you find.”

He had offered his help when Lan Xichen first told him of their plans. He anxiously wondered if it may have been a blessing in disguise that the former sect leader’s quarters had been torched in the battle that occurred in his former lifetime. He had no idea what they might find there and that worried him. 

Lan Xichen, however, had insisted that this was something he and his brother had to do. He showed no sign of having changed his mind as be lifted Meng Yao’s hand to his lips and brushed a brief kiss to the backs of Meng Yao’s fingers. 

“We’ll be fine, A-Yao. If we need your assistance, we’ll let you know. And,” he used his free and to gently cup the nape of Meng Yao’s neck and draw him closer until he could lean down to press their foreheads together, “if I need my A-Yao to comfort me afterwards, I know where to find you.”

The silk of Lan Xichen’s forehead ribbon was cool against Meng Yao’s skin. Somehow, it helped him regain his composure as he took a deep breath and tried to settle his roiling gut. 

“I’ll be waiting for you here,” Meng Yao said. He tilted his head to briefly press a kiss to Lan Xichen’s lips. 

Lan Xichen smiled softly. He squeezed Meng Yao’s hand briefly before letting go, dropping the hand cradling Meng Yao’s neck and leaning away. “We’ll be back before dinner,” he promised. 

Meng Yao had to distract himself to avoid fretting the day away. He reviewed purchase reports, made notes on some new architectural plans, sorted through the correspondence that Lan Xichen had received.  It became more and more difficult to focus as the day went on. By the time the late afternoon sun was piercing in through the window, Meng Yao couldn’t focus at all. He was staring a blankly at a letter from a supplier when the door finally opened. 

As soon as he heard the door, Meng Yao dropped the letter and surged to his feet. Lan Xichen’s face was drawn, a tightness pulling at the corners of his mouth. He entered his quarters and closed the door behind him, then stopped, as if the wariness weighed too heavily on him to be able to take any further steps. 

Meng Yao immediately went to him, barely noting the bundle of papers in Lan Xichen’s hand. As soon as he was near enough, Lan Xichen lurched forward and pulled Meng Yao into his arms. Meng Yao nearly stumbled as Lan Xichen leaned on him. He returned the hug cautiously. “A-Huan,” he whispered. “What happened?”

Lan Xichen didn’t answer for several moments. Then, he took a deep breath and let go, a bit of the tension seeming to have melted away from his expression. “My apologies, A-Yao. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

The weariness remained on his face, so Meng Yao tugged him into the room and to his bed, where he pulled him down to sit. “Tell me.”

Lan Xichen was quiet for several moments, seeming to need the time to collect his thoughts. “It was…not pleasant. Wangji and I had only ever been in there for a few minutes at a time when Father was ill, so we had never really looked closely at anything. This time, though, we had to and…” He paused for a moment, a frown creasing his brow. “The room…it was empty, unnervingly so. It was as if a ghost had lived there. There were so few personal items, even fewer comforts. I don’t…I don’t understand how he lived like that for so many years. There were leaks in the roof and drafts through the windows. But he never said anything about them. He just let the house degrade around him.”

Lan Xichen paused again, eyes distant. “Mother’s rooms were different. She was a prisoner in all but name and yet her rooms had life. Father was a prisoner by choice and he made his rooms into a tomb.”

He lifted the papers in his hand and Meng Yao saw that they were letters. 

“Wangji and I didn’t want to keep any of Father’s personal belongings, not that he had much. But these…these are letters between Mother and Father.”

Meng Yao stifled a gasp. One of the questions that had haunted Lan Xichen in his prior life was the nature of the relationship between his parents. After his father’s death and the destruction of the former sect leader’s quarters, there had been no way to find out the truth. 

But now the truth was written on the pages held in Lan Xichen’s hand. 

“Wangji doesn’t want to read them. He doesn’t want to risk finding out that Mother had been unwilling in every way. But I…” He paused, an uncertain expression crossing his face. “A part of me feels the same way. What would I do with the knowledge that our mother had never wanted our father, that Wangji and I only exist because she had her choices taken from her? But even if that is the case, another part of me thinks it is only just on our mother’s behalf to know our father’s sin. It could be that our fears are unfounded and their relationship was something else entirely. I…I don’t know.”

Lan Xichen’s lost expression made Meng Yao’s heart ache. He squeezed Lan Xichen’s hand, thumb stroking the back of it. 

“You don’t need to decide now,” he said quietly. “The letters can remain unopened until you decide that you want to read them. If that never happens, so be it. If you want me to read them and tell you their contents, I can do that. If you decide to one day read them, I will be here for you.”

Lan Xichen looked at him for several moments, as if considering words. Slowly, the tension eased out of him. Meng Yao knew Lan Xichen and so he knew that  much of Lan Xichen’s distress was due to feeling like he had to make his decision now, to decide without hesitation, as he was taught a leader should do. But Meng Yao had given him permission to not make a choice now, to wait until he was ready to make a decision. That alone seemed to have been enough to ease the burden on his shoulders. 

Lan Xichen leaned closer until his head rested on Meng Yao’s shoulder. He let out a slow breath. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

Meng Yao wrapped his arms around Lan Xichen’s broad shoulders and shifted to allow his beloved to settle more fully against him. He pressed a kiss against Lan Xichen’s temple, the corner of his lips brushing against his forehead ribbon as he did.

It suddenly occurred to him that, just as much as Lan Xichen was his safe harbor, Meng Yao was Lan Xichen’s in turn. Perhaps that had also been the case in his first life, but he had been pulled in so many other directions that he couldn’t devote himself to being a source of comfort for Lan Xichen, despite how much effort he had expended in being a source of support.

He promised himself in that moment that he would do so in this life. Just as Lan Xichen had been his shelter in his former and current life, Meng Yao would be the same in turn.

{***}

A few days passed and the letters remained unopened. Lan Xichen had put them away with a complicated expression on his face. Meng Yao thought about sneaking them away to read them and destroy them if the contents were distressing. But he couldn’t do that in the face of Lan Xichen’s resolve, no matter how much he wanted to protect him. So, the letters sat in a locked drawer, to possibly never see the light of day. 

With the letters out of sight, Meng Yao pushed them out if mind. Beyond the letters, there were other matters to deal with related to the former sect leader’s home, from the poor state of the building to the small collection of belongings. 

One afternoon, Meng Yao and Lan Xichen were reviewing the list of repairs to be made when a sudden noise at the door startled them. It was an urgent knock that made them exchange worried looks.

Lan Xichen rose and opened the door. A disciple entered, a letter gripped in his shaky hands. 

“It’s from Sect Leader Wen.”

Lan Xichen’s face paled. He took the letter stamped with the seal of the Wen Sect. Meng Yao, however, knew what it would say. After weeks of no word from Nightless City, this letter could only mean one thing. 

After all, Wen Ruohan wasn’t the type to send letters when he soldiers could get the message across. 

Triumph roared through his veins, even more so when Lan Xichen looked up sharply, a wild hope in his eyes. 

Meng Yao knew what he would say but, even so, the confirmation was gratifying. 

Lan Xichen’s voice was shaky when he spoke. 

“Wen Ruohan is dead.”

Chapter Text

The seeds of Wen Ruohan’s death had been planted many months ago. 

Meng Yao had requested the assistance of Jiang Yanli to make contact with Wen Qing. He had instructed her in how to send messages into and out of Nightless City, knowledge that had been gleaned from his own experience in sending secrets messages in the heart of the Wen Sect. 

From there, Jiang Yanli had initiated contact. Wen Qing had been wary, disapproving of Wen Ruohan’s actions but fearful of his retaliation against her family. Jiang Yanli had spent months convincing Sect Leader Jiang to allow sanctuary to Wen Qing’s family if their plans went awry. Eventually, she had succeeded and promised Wen Qing that the Jiang Sect would shelter Wen Qing’s family if needed. 

After that, it was a matter of waiting for the right time to strike, for a moment of vulnerability that they could exploit. That moment came when Wen Ruohan lost his only remaining son and his strongest warrior in one fell swoop. 

Jiang Yanli had sent Wen Qing a message that very night, ensuring that word reached her before the news spread to Nightless City. Wen Qing marshaled the allies that she had managed to gather in the months they had been waiting. Jiang Yanli had also sent word to the Nie Sect to be vigilant in case an outside force was needed. 

Every part of the plan had been set into motion. 

But then things went silent. No word for days, then weeks. 

Until the day that the new Sect Leader Wen, Wen Qing, had sent out letters to the other sects and announced the news. 

Wen Ruohan had been killed the very day of the coup, a dagger to his heart ending his life. But even when the snake’s head was cut off, the body writhed for a time. 

It had taken Wen Qing weeks to solidify her position and oust everyone who defied her. But she had done it. And in doing so, she brought an end to the Sunshot Campaign. 

Lan Xichen looked at Meng Yao with wide eyes as he concluded his explanation. They were sitting just outside the back of Lan Xichen’s quarters, which opened to a beautiful pond. Meng Yao’s arms loosely held one of Lan Xichen’s as they sat contentedly together. 

“A-Yao is amazing,” Lan Xichen said after a few moments. 

Meng Yao automatically smiled at the compliment but demurred. He hadn’t been nearly as instrumental in taking down Wen Ruohan this time around. It was Wen Qing who had navigated the belly of the beast to take him out. 

“I supplied the knowledge I had but the plan would have failed without Young Lady Jiang’s coordination and Young Lady Wen- no, Sect Leader Wen’s valor. 

Lan Xichen shook his head with a smile. “Even so, their contributions were only possible because of you. Really, the cultivation world at large owes you a debt, for this and for everything else you’ve directed this past year.”

Meng Yao couldn’t help the flush that crawled across his cheeks. “A-Huan is too kind.”

“Nonsense. My fiancé deserves even more praise.”

Meng Yao buried his face against Lan Xichen’s arm to hide his fluster. He found himself uncharacteristically cowed by Lan Xichen’s sincerity. After a few moments of companionable silence, Lan Xichen spoke. 

“It must be incredible to be a seer, to know what the future may hold.”

Lan Xichen had spoken casually, an idle remark, but Meng Yao tensed. All of a sudden, he found himself staring at a divergent path. On one hand, he could agree or simply say nothing. He could let the lie stand and spend the rest of their lives hiding part of himself from Lan Xichen. 

Or he could tell Lan Xichen the truth, even though the thought of doing so made his stomach roil with anxiety. 

He could either tell a simple lie or tell a complicated truth. 

The truth hadn’t done Meng Yao any favors in his previous life. And while he had been pleasantly surprised a few times in this life, the memory of all the times the truth had burned him in his previous life remained sharp. 

But then he thought about Lan Xichen’s betrayed expression, the last sight of his last life. He remembered Lan Xichen’s pain upon learning all of the truths that Meng Yao had kept from him…

Meng Yao couldn’t bring himself to continue the lie, to make the same mistake again. 

“I’m not a seer,” he whispered. He moved away from Lan Xichen, letting go of his arm and settling his clenched fists into his own lap. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lan Xichen looking at him with confusion, but he kept his gaze focused on the pond. 

“I…I don’t understand,” Lan Xichen said slowly. “Did you lose your abilities as a seer?”

Meng Yao shook his head. “I never was one.”

“Then how…?”

A spike of insecurity made Meng Yao hesitate. “Will you believe me?” His voice was small, uncertain. The image of Lan Xichen’s distrustful expression hovered in his memory, held his tongue. 

Lan Xichen’s warm hand covered his, the size of it covering both of Meng Yao’s clenched fists. “I will,” he answered simply.  

And just like that, Meng Yao felt the knot in his chest loosen. 

“In another life,” he began, “I made different choices. My mother was unmarried, a young woman when she was sold to pay her family’s debts. Later, my father was a patron of hers at the establishment she was sold to.” Meng Yao paused and glanced at Lan Xichen. “I think you’ve already guessed who my father is.”

Lan Xichen nodded. “Jin Guangshan,” he said and the name fell between them like a weight. 

Meng Yao sighed. “Yes. He promised to take my mother away. But he never came. Not when my mother discovered she was pregnant. Not when I was born, on the same day as his legitimate son. Never. In that life, all my mother wanted was for me to take my place as my father’s son. After she died, that was all I wanted. But you know the kind of man my father is. I did many things I’m not proud of to try to forge the place my mother wanted for me. In the end, I died with only the worst parts of myself acknowledged.” Lan Xichen’s hand tightened around his. “And then I woke up as a child again. Not reborn but returned in time. I knew what would come. I knew the path that my life would take if I made the same choices. I didn’t have many. It was that very limitation that led me down the path I walked in my prior life. And I couldn’t stand the thought of going through the same things again. So I decided to use what I knew to forge new choices, to change the path my life would take. Now they’ve changed so much, I don’t know what will come. I’m not a seer. I had simply lived this life before.”

Lan Xichen was quiet for so long that Meng Yao’s palms started to sweat. He didn’t dare break the silence though. Eventually, Lan Xichen spoke, gently squeezing Meng Yao’s hand as he did. 

“Thank you for telling me. If…if you’re ever comfortable enough to tell me more, I would be happy to listen.”

Meng Yao finally turned to meet Lan Xichen’s gentle gaze. “I don’t know if I can,” he admitted. “I fear you’ll think less of me if you knew the choices I had made, regardless of the reasons for them.”

Lan Xichen didn’t answer immediately. His expression was thoughtful as he genuinely considered Meng Yao’s concern. “I don’t think anything could make me love you any less,” he concluded. “Even if I was disappointed or angry or hurt about something you did, I would still love you. Even if it hurt me to love you, I would be helpless but to keep doing so.”

Meng Yao’s eyes burned, his throat tightening as a wave of emotion crashed over him. He curled into Lan Xichen, tucking himself into Lan Xichen’s chest, hiding his face as he tried to name the ache in his heart. 

Was it joy? Grief? Anger? All of those and more? 

His joy was the easiest to name. To hear Lan Xichen’s unwavering love made him want to shout in exaltation. 

The grief he felt was strange, not a grief for his current self but for his past self. For the agony he died with and carried into his second life because of what he had thought was the ironclad knowledge that Lan Xichen couldn’t love Meng Yao once he knew the full breadth of him. It was grief for the version of himself that had believed he had been forsaken. 

The anger was harder to place. Part of his anger was specific, a fury directed at Nie Huaisang for how he had orchestrated Lan Xichen learning about Meng Yao’s secrets in the cruelest manner possible, leaving no room for the unwavering love with which Lan Xichen had just spoken. But a greater part of his anger was directionless, a rage towards the world at large, at the rot within the cultivation world that had swallowed him in his previous life. 

The storm of emotions raged for several moments and yet began to abate swiftly. His anger slipped away first. What good would it do for him to be angry at someone over something that hadn’t ever happened? As for the rot plaguing the fabric of cultivation society, he was in a better position to chip away at it in this life and he resolved that he would do so. 

His grief lingered longer. Thinking about what he had suffered in his first life always opened a sore wound. It was something he never liked to ponder on for too long, lest he think too deeply on how young he had been when he had tried and failed to protect his mother, when he had tried over and over again to find a place in a world that loathed him, when he had tried and constantly failed to please his father and received only malicious exploitation in response. His grief wasn’t something that could be dealt with in a moment or a day or a year. So he would set it aside and pick away small parts at a time, until the whole of his grief had been examined and released. 

All that left then was his joy. It bubbled within him, but a small kernel of doubt remained stubbornly in place. He lifted his head and met Lan Xichen’s eyes, searching them for any sign that his earnest declaration had been anything less than the truth. 

But all he could see was a steady, certain love. And that kernel of doubt was swept away as easily as if it was a speck of dust. 

The joy was let loose and he couldn’t hold back a wide, genuine smile. Lan Xichen blinked down at him, a slight pink rising in his cheeks. 

“I love you,” Meng Yao said quietly. 

Lan Xichen stroked a gentle hand along Meng Yao’s hair, then leaned forward to rest their foreheads together. “I love you,” he replied. “Very much.”

Meng Yao couldn’t resist the urge to stretch up and press a light kiss to Lan Xichen’s lips. Lan Xichen pressed closer and the kiss lingered, then deepened. Meng Yao wrapped his arms around Lan Xichen’s neck and felt Lan Xichen’s strong arms wrap around his waist, pulling him closer until Meng Yao was practically in his lap. 

A heat ignited in Meng Yao and he squeezed closer, wanting nothing more than to tear away the layers of clothing between them until he could feel the warmth of Lan Xichen’s skin. He had to remind himself that they were outside and reeled in his desires. Just for long enough to get to a bed. 

He pulled away and the fire within him simmered hotter when Lan Xichen tried to follow, eyes half-lidded and wet lips slightly open. 

“A-Huan,” Meng Yao said, letting a bit of coyness into his tone. “Won’t you take me to bed?”

Lan Xichen was frozen for a stunned moment. Then, he grabbed Meng Yao’s thighs and effortlessly stood with Meng Yao held aloft. He hurried them inside while Meng Yao clung on, marveling at Lan Xichen’s show of strength. 

Meng Yao was swiftly laid onto Lan Xichen’s bed, and Lan Xichen resumed their kiss as he laid above Meng Yao. Meng Yao tugged at Lan Xichen’s robes. “Off,” was all he could manage to say with his lips otherwise occupied. 

Lan Xichen, as accommodating as ever, immediately began to loosen his robes. Meng Yao followed suit and soon they had both discarded their clothes. 

Meng Yao hesitantly reached for Lan Xichen’s forehead ribbon. At Lan Xichen’s smiling approval, he untied the ribbon and set it aside. 

“Are you sure?” Lan Xichen asked as his hand wandered down along Meng Yao’s flank. 

“Are you?” Meng Yao returned with a raised brow. He wasn’t the one who had been raised within the restrictive rules of the Lan Sect, after all. 

Lan Xichen laughed. “I’ve never wanted anything more than you I want you,” he admitted with reddened cheeks. 

Meng Yao smiled fondly. “Then have me,” he replied. 

Lan Xichen needed no further encouragement. He was as studious in this as he was with anything else, carefully exploring Meng Yao’s body, watching his reactions to learn what he liked. When Meng Yao urged him to hurry, he only smiled and said they had all the time they wanted. 

And they really did. There were no external circumstances pulling them apart, limiting their time together. As Lan Xichen finally, finally , touched Meng Yao where he burned the hottest, Meng Yao marveled at the knowledge that he got to have this. Not just now, not just a stolen moment, but forever. 

And when Lan Xichen was finally inside him, tears sprung into his eyes. Lan Xichen stopped and worriedly asked if he was hurt. 

Meng Yao shook his head. “No,” he said, a smiled pulling at his lips through the tears. “I’m happy.”

{***}

It was almost strange how swiftly life returned to normal in Lotus Pier. 

It had been several months since the new Sect Leader Wen had announced her ascension and withdrawn all Wen soldiers. For the first several weeks afterwards, tension remained as they waited to see if Sect Leader Wen made any other movements. But she didn’t. And, slowly, a tentative peace settled over the cultivation world. 

In Lotus Pier, the repairs had been completed swiftly and things quickly went back to how they were before the war. Or, at least they mostly did. 

Madame Yu had become withdrawn from public life, rarely seen outside of the residences. It was clear that Madame Yu’s pride couldn’t allow for her to bear the public knowledge of the loss of her golden core.

Uncle Jiang was slowly withdrawing from his position as the sect heir and was training Jiang Cheng in earnest to take over the position. 

For Wei Ying, however, the biggest change was that Yao-ge was no longer in Lotus Pier. He visited every couple of months, but it wasn’t the same. Auntie Meng remained, though, having decided to stay in Yunmeng for longer to avoid leaving Wei Ying suddenly devoid of both members of his family. She didn’t say it, but Wei Ying understood it all the same when she had smiled at him and told him “I hope you don’t mind that we’ll be living together a while longer.”

He was grateful beyond measure, because if both Yao-ge and Auntie Meng had gone and he had suddenly had to move to the disciples’ dorms in Lotus Pier, it would have been too much. 

It didn’t help that, lately, uncertainly had crept into his thoughts when he fantasized about living in the Cloud Recesses. 

Lan Zhan hadn’t been able to visit Lotus Pier since he had left to help his brother with rebuilding the Cloud Recesses several months ago. Wei Ying had at first been too busy assisting with the restoration of Lotus Pier to visit the Cloud Recesses and later was too worried about bothering Lan Zhan when he knew that the Cloud Recesses repairs were still ongoing. There had been regular correspondence in the last several months, of course, but he hadn’t seen Lan Zhan in that time. The separation had left room for whispers of doubt to insist that Lan Zhan would decide that he didn’t really like Wei Ying anymore now that they had gotten time apart. 

When he had voiced his fears to Yao-ge during one of his visits, Yao-ge had given him an incredulous look. “It would take even more than death for Lan Wangji to lose interest in you,” he said with complete certainty. “Besides, don’t you know? Lans only love once.”

And, logically, Wei Ying knew his doubts were unfounded, that if he shared them with Lan Zhan, he would immediately travel to Lotus Pier to ease Wei Ying’s worries. But it was for just that reason that he couldn’t say anything, not when he knew how busy Lan Zhan was. So instead he fell back into daily life at Lotus Pier and pretended he wasn’t spending his spare time moping. 

It was somewhat helpful that the plans for Shijie’s wedding were in full swing, which meant that everyone who might have noticed his moping was busy with wedding preparations. Except for Auntie Meng, who was tactful enough to not bring it up, only bringing Wei Ying a treat when he was particularly down. And apparently tell Yao-ge, who must have taken it upon himself to solve the issue. 

At least, that was the only explanation he could think of when he saw Lan Zhan at the gates of Lotus Pier. 

Wei Ying was still for a moment when he saw Lan Zhan, wondering if he was dreaming. Then Lan Zhan called his name in his deep, soothing voice and Wei Ying shot forward, throwing himself into Lan Zhan’s arms. He relaxed into the scent of sandalwood, the feeling of Lan Zhan’s arms around him, the firmness of Lan Zhan’s chest as he nuzzled into it. 

Lan Zhan indulged him, holding him close and making no move to pull away. Wei Ying could have stayed that way for hours if he hadn’t heard Jiang Cheng’s voice shout his name. 

“Save that for when you’re alone,” he grumbled as he approached. 

Wei Ying wanted to make that happen immediately, but Jiang Cheng’s warning glare and his own reluctant adherence to social mores made him wait while Lan Zhan greeted the acting sect leader. Wei Ying stuck close to him all the while, barely resisting the urge to cling to his arm. 

As soon as the formalities were dispensed,Wei Ying grabbed Lan Zhan’s hand and pulled him away. Once they were away from prying eyes, walking along the shore of a lake, he stopped and turned to grin at Lan Zhan. He felt an unfamiliar shyness when he met Lan Zhan’s heavy gaze. He looked away and shuffled hesitantly closer to Lan Zhan. 

“I missed you,” he said quietly. 

Lan Zhan’s arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. He pressed a gentle kiss to Wei Ying’s forehead. 

“As did I,” he said. 

Wei Ying smiled, soaking up the affection. “I thought you were busy,” he said. 

“There is much to do,” Lan Zhan conceded. “But I wanted to see you and Meng Ziyao insisted that my presence could be spared for a few days. 

So Yao-ge had been behind this , Wei Ying thought gleefully. “Then you’ll be able to stay here for a while?”

“Mn. Four days.”

Wei Ying immediately began to plan all of the things he had to show Lan Zhan while he was in Yunmeng. “We have to go to my favorite restaurant, you’ll love the food there! It’s even spicier than the food at the restaurant you showed me in Caiyi. Ah, but they have milder things too that are also good. And you have to take a boat onto the lakes, and pick lotus pods, and, oh! You definitely have to go to the market now that everything is back to normal. And…” He trailed off, suddenly realizing how much he had been rambling. He glanced sheepishly up at Lan Zhan, hoping he hadn’t annoyed him. But Lan Zhan only looked back with a small smile that made Wei Ying flush. “Ah, you have to tell me if you’d rather not do anything I suggest.”

Lan Zhan stroked his thumb lightly on Wei Ying’s waist. “Whatever Wei Ying wants to do is fine.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Mn. I am sure.”

Wei Ying beamed. “Then let’s start at the market today! Unless you want to rest a bit first?”

Lan Zhan shook his head. “No need.”

Without further ado, Wei Ying hooked his arm around Lan Zhan’s and led him into town to the market. They wove through the stalls, stopping whenever something caught Wei Ying’s eye. 

When they came across a stand lined with sweets, Wei Ying lingered, wondering if the Lan aversion to strong flavors expanded beyond spices. “Hey, Lan Zhan, do you like sweets?”

“Mn. When I was a child, Brother would always give me a bag of candies on my birthday. When I was twelve, I told him I didn’t need such childish things anymore. He said he understood but continued to leave a bag of candies in my room each year.”

Wei Ying smiled. “That’s so sweet. You guys really care about each other.”

Lan Zhan nodded, then glanced over at the sweets Wei Ying had been looking at. “I am unfamiliar with those varieties,” he said. 

“Then you should try some now!”

Wei Ying bought a couple of sweet cakes dripping in honey with a sprinkle of crushed nuts garnishing the top. “These are my favorite,” he told Lan Zhan. “Here, try one!”

Lan Zhan took the cake and bit into it, far more neatly than Wei Ying had ever eaten the cake. He chewed slowly, his expression inscrutable. 

“Good?”

Lan Zhan swallowed. “Good,” he confirmed, then took a second, larger bite. 

Wei Ying bought a few more of his favorites for Lan Zhan to try, then led the way to a quiet dock where they could sit and eat. Lan Zhan obligingly tried each sweet. Wei Ying quickly learned that Lan Zhan seemed to like a variety of sweets, though he was averse to ones that were too sticky, clinging to his teeth as he tried to chew. Wei Ying watched Lan Zhan’s quietly pleased expression as he finished up the sweets and promised himself that he would always keep some sweets on hand, if only to make Lan Zhan smile like that again. 

They both rinsed their sticky fingers in the water of the lake but remained seated, content for the moment. 

“I’m really happy you’re here,” Wei Ying said quietly, leaning his head on Lan Zhan’s shoulder. 

Lan Zhan pressed a light kiss to Wei Ying’s head in a silent reply. He shifted slightly, careful not to dislodge Wei Ying, and pulled something out of his sleeve. “For you,” he said, holding it to Wei Ying. 

It was a jade token. Just like the one that hung at Lan Zhan’s waist. 

Wei Ying’s eyes widened in surprise. He hesitantly reached out to take it. It was cool and smooth in his hand, so light despite the weight of what it meant. Because, by giving Wei Ying this token, Lan Zhan was giving him unlimited access to entering the Cloud Recesses. It was something only a member of the sect should have, something he might have expected to receive after marrying into the Lan Sect. Yet, Lan Zhan was giving it to him now. Basically saying that Wei Ying was already accepted into Lan Zhan’s family. 

Wei Ying clutched the token tightly. He felt a burn in his eyes at the sheer love he felt in that moment. “Thank you,” he whispered. He smiled slightly up at Lan Zhan. “Does this mean I can come visit you whenever I want?”

“Mn.”

“Even if you’re busy?”

“I will always make time for Wei Ying.”

“Even if I’m bothering you?”

“Wei Ying could never be a bother to me.”

“What if I decide to visit you right after you get back?”

“That would please me greatly.”

Wei Ying paused, wrestling with his own uncertainty. “Whenever I want?” He asked one more time, needing the reassurance. 

“Any time,” Lan Zhan replied. 

Wei Ying grinned. “I’ll visit you whenever I miss you. Fair warning, though, I miss you a lot, so I’ll be visiting a lot.”

“Please do. I will also visit whenever I am able.”

Wei Ying’s sheer happiness made him wiggle in place. Suddenly, the mere four days that Lan Zhan was staying didn’t seem so terribly short. Not when Wei Ying could go to the Cloud Recesses to see Lan Zhan whenever he wanted. He threw his arms around Lan Zhan, clinging to his side. Lan Zhan wrapped an arm around Wei Ying’s waist, pulling him closer, nearly in Lan Zhan’s lap. 

With Lan Zhan’s face so close, Wei Ying couldn’t resist the temptation to lean in closer. He brushed his lips along Lan Zhan’s, a thrill racing down his spine at the feeling. Lan Zhan’s arms around him tightened and he pressed into the kiss. Heat ignited between them, even more so when Lan Zan nipped at Wei Ying’s lips. Wei Ying let out a moan. He tilted his head back and Lan Zhan’s turned his attention to biting at Wei Ying’s neck, giving Lan Zhan more skin to explore. 

“Lan Zhan,” he breathed, hands clutching at Lan Zhan’s biceps. Lan Zhan hummed a low rumble in response and Wei Ying shivered when he felt the corresponding vibration in Lan Zhan’s chest.

Though Wei Ying’s thoughts usually raced, the fire that raged whenever they kissed and touched made a haze fall over his mind, quieting his thoughts until he could only relish in the sensations. It was because of that that Wei Ying startled when he heard laughter in the distance. He suddenly remembered that they were on a dock that, while secluded, was open for anyone to walk by. And, while he briefly considered continuing regardless, he didn’t want to share their private pleasure with anyone else.

He moved a hand to Lan Zhan’s chest and pushed slightly. Lan Zhan obligingly leaned back just a bit. “Lan Zhan, let’s go to…” 

He trailed off in consternation. Where could they go to continue? He had already left his guest room in Lotus Pier proper to return to the cottage with Auntie Meng. And Auntie Meng was in the cottage. He supposed that they could go to an inn in town, but he would be too embarrassed to meet Auntie Meng’s eyes when he returned to the cottage with Lan Zhan in the morning.

Wei Ying groaned, realizing that they wouldn’t be able to continue. The best place he could think of where they would have privacy was Lan Zhan’s quarters at the Cloud Recesses…

Wei Ying pouted. “Maybe I’ll go back to the Cloud Recesses with you,” he said. “Actually, let’s go tomorrow.”

“Mn.” Lan Zhan agreed readily. 

Wei Ying huffed. “Lan Zhan, you need to try to talk some sense into me, not just go along with it.”

“It seems sensible to me.”

Wei Ying laughed. “Maybe not tomorrow. I still have so many things to show you. But, I’ll follow you back to the Cloud Recesses as soon as I can.”

Lan Zhan’s arms tightened around him. “The sooner the better.”

{***}

Meng Yao woke in a way that had become a habit in the last few months. Tucked against Lan Xichen, with Lan Xichen’s arm lightly wrapped around him, holding him to his chest. 

He kept his eyes closed, nuzzling against the warmth of Lan Xichen’s chest. He had swiftly become accustomed to the Lan sleeping schedule and he knew that it was nearly time to rise. But they had nowhere to be in the morning today and he decided they could linger for a while. He knew Lan Xichen was awake when his arm tightened around Meng Yao’s waist. 

Meng Yao lifted himself onto his elbows and dropped a light kiss on Lan Xichen’s nose. “Good morning,” he said quietly.

A soft, sleepy smile pulled at Lan Xichen’s lips. “It is indeed, to be able to awake to such a lovely sight.”

Lan Xichen really had a gift for making Meng Yao blush. As his cheeks heated, he dropped his head to Lan Xichen’s chest. “Such a charmer,” he mumbled against the warm skin.

“I must be, to have won you over.”

Meng Yao let a soft kiss to Lan Xichen’s chest serve as his reply. They remained laying together for a while, until Meng Yao felt Lan Xichen begin to shift restlessly. He could tell that Lan Xichen was trying not to disturb Meng Yao, but his Lan habits were difficult to suppress. Meng Yao had long ago learned that, even when Lan Xichen wished to remain in bed for a while, he could only manage lingering for a few minutes before the urge to rise overrode his desire to remain. 

Meng Yao sat up, stretching. Lan Xichen swiftly followed suit and they both began their morning routine, which had become intertwined into their routine. They helped each other with their hair, with straightening their robes, and then sat together to eat breakfast while they reviewed the day’s correspondence, quietly in deference to the Lan rule. They would discuss after they finished eating. 

It was after he had finished his breakfast and was flipping through the last few letters when he saw it. His jaw tightened when he saw the seal of the Jin sect leader. He opened it, ignoring the instinctive tension. 

It was something that should simply be happy tidings, a wedding invitation to Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan’s wedding. It was nearly a year after the war had ended and the wedding preparations were finally done. He had known it was coming. He still kept a regular correspondence with both of them and he was pleased for their happiness. 

But, the thought of returning to Koi Tower and to his father still made his stomach clench. 

“A-Yao, are you alright?”

Lan Xichen’s voice immediately eased the tension. He looked up from the letter and met Lan Xichen’s concerned eyes.

That’s right, he remembered. He wouldn’t be returning in anywhere near the same context that he had ever gone to Koi Tower before. In his past life, he had first gone to Koi Tower as an unwanted bastard, and then later as a barely tolerated asset. 

Now, though, he would take his first steps into Koi Tower in this life as Lan Xichen’s fiance. He would be sure of his position in a way he had never been in his past life. Jin Guangshan didn’t even know of their relation. And Meng Yao had decided that he didn’t want him to ever find out. He didn’t want that relationship. Maybe one day he would tell Jin Zixuan that they were brothers, but he would be damned before he ever went back to being Jin Guangshan’s son.

Meng Yao smiled slightly. “I’m alright,” he reassured Lan Xichen. “There’s a wedding to attend soon.”

{***}

Meng Yao was far more at ease than he ever expected to be in returning to Koi Tower, but a lingering anxiety clung to him as he sat in the carriage that was taking him to Lanling. The carriage was supposed to be for him, Lan Xichen, and Lan Wangji, but his soon-to-be brother-in-law had gotten impatient and decided to go by sword for the last leg of their trip. Meng Yao watched the vaguely familiar scenery move by. The gentle grip of Lan Xichen’s hand around his kept his thoughts grounded, but didn’t stop the stubborn unease he felt.

“I think it’s about time we started planning our wedding,” Lan Xichen said suddenly. 

That snapped Meng Yao out of his own thoughts. 

“Now that most of the rebuilding is done,” Lan Xichen continued, “we should be able to devote resources into a wedding.”

“I suppose so,” Meng Yao said slowly, mind already beginning to run through the sect’t finances, which had admittedly been strained for the past year. Lan wedding ceremonies weren’t nearly as extravagant as most weddings, but they still required more expenses than the sect currently had available. “It would take several months before we could hold the ceremony,” he mused aloud. “Perhaps less so if we are able to secure the deal with the cloth merchants I’ve been working with.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to secure a favorable contract,” Lan Xichen said.

For the rest of the carriage ride, they spoke of their wedding and Meng Yao’s thoughts were so consumed by both the logistics and the wonderful thought of finally being married to Lan Xichen that he forgot about his unease. By the time they arrived at Koi Tower, Meng Yao’s shoulders were relaxed and he a smiled lingered even as he exited the carriage.

He had barely stepped down when he heard a voice shout his name.

“Yao-ge!”