Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It starts, as most things do, as something small.

Tsukasa wakes up that morning to Saki shaking him awake, frowning down at him and saying his alarm has been going off for like ten minutes now, and is he okay? Which is certainly a good question to be asking; Tsukasa Tenma awakes on the first ring of his alarm every day, waking up as his fellow star brethren go to sleep. To sleep through its ringing for ten whole minutes is definitely unusual for him.

Groggy, he switches to his first instinct—reassure, laugh off, worry later. He assures his little sister he’s fine, just got to bed a bit late last night, and hits his alarm to cease its ringing. She tells him to say something if he’s not feeling well, to which he promises he will, and she heads out to get ready for school.

It’s not until Tsukasa swings his legs over the side of the bed and pushes himself up that he realizes something is actually off. The room spins with his movement, and for a second he has to just sit there, waiting for the spinning in his head to cease.

It doesn’t.

He grimaces, eventually forcing himself to his feet despite the vertigo, and that’s when he notices the headache. Dull, throbbing, taking up his whole head and radiating down to his neck and shoulders.

He feels bad.

But he has no cough or sniffles, and he doesn’t feel feverish, so he must have just slept in a weird position and irritated his neck. It’ll wear off as the day goes on. He’ll be fine, because a future star does not let a little dizziness or headache dampen its shine.

It does not wear off.

Tsukasa trudges through breakfast, classes, lunch, and yet more classes, all while doing his best to put on a cheerful front. He knows pushing oneself too hard is bad, but he’s not sick, really, just a little tired, so no reason to kick up a fuss about it. And if he is sick, then—Saki had already been in close contact with him that morning, and he could have very well spread what he had to her, and—he doesn’t want to think about that right now, honestly. When he gets home he can check his temperature and let Saki know to keep a wide berth around him, just in case. But right now he’s not sick. Coming down with something, maybe. Something that sent him purely staggering every time he got up, the ground rocking back and forth beneath him. In combination with the headache that has now progressed to a ceaseless piercing in his right temple, he finds himself fighting nausea each time he gets off his seat.

Nothing a moment to steady himself and some deep breaths can’t fix. He’s lucky his classmates don’t pay him too much attention when he’s quiet; if Toya or Rui saw him like this, they’d know something was up.

…Which is why he really has to get his act together for rehearsal tonight.

Tsukasa fights to keep the grimace off his face as he starts walking from the school to Phoenix Wonderland. He is a star. He is a man who doesn’t let little things like headaches and vertigo touch him. He is a pegasus who has wings that can float above any flies that try to bug him.

He pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I’m fine,” he announces to himself, alone on the sidewalk. “Don’t feel a thing. I feel amazing. I feel fine.”

If you keep repeating ‘I don’t have a headache, I don’t have a headache,’ over and over again, it kind of makes the pain go away, a younger Saki, bedridden with an IV stuck in her arm, had told him once with a small smile. …At least, more than dwelling on it does.

So he takes her advice—his darling little sister who has experienced sickness and pain far worse than he’s feeling right now, and taken it in stride—and strictly does not dwell it.

If he wobbles a little side to side as he walks, nobody is around to see it.

As predicted, the others know something’s up about five seconds after beginning the rehearsal.

“Woah,” is the first clue he gets. It’s from Nene, staring at him with a frown. She looks down as soon as he makes eye contact with her, but he knows the jig is already up.

Nevertheless, he tries. “Hello, everyone!” he greets cheerfully, lighting up his face with a smile. He is playing the role of a healthy, everyday Tsukasa Tenma, and he will play it perfectly. No need to stress anyone out over something that’s not bugging him that badly.

“Tsukasa-kun, are you feeling well?” Tsukasa turns to see Rui examining him with a frown. “You’re quite pale.”

He plays dumb. “Am I? I’m not sure why that would be! I feel just fine!” he smiles again, and walks as confidently as he can to one of the benches in front of the stage. He immediately sits down on it, perhaps too heavily, and tries not to sigh in relief. “So, what’s the plan for today, Director?” he asks, swiveling around to face his troupe.

They’re still looking at him oddly, but move to take out their scripts as he keeps talking. Emu has a frown on her face as she stares at him. That girl has a sixth sense when it comes to detecting things other than pure joy, so he tries not to meet her stare. He may be a world-class actor, but he’s not sure anyone can fool Emu.

“I’m thinking of going over the scene on…” Rui thumbs through the script, biting his lip. “…page thirty-four. I want to smooth out the blocking, since all four of us will be on stage…”

“Right, definitely,” Tsukasa affirms. The headache pulses one sharp beat behind his right eye, and he winces, unable to help the urge to press his palm hard against it. All too aware of their hawklike gazes on him, he fumbles for something else to say before they can comment on it. “What about, ah, the scene where I’m lifted on the wires…?”

He wants to kick himself as soon as he says it. He is always up to try Rui’s insane inventions (provided they are compliant to the ruleset of not killing him), but if he tried swinging around in mid-air like this, he might not be able to hide his current condition no matter how well he acts.

Just ask, and I promise I will deliver.

Rui observes him for a beat too long. “…No,” he finally says. “That can wait for another day. We should focus on making sure the base play is good before moving onto effects.”

Tsukasa is only aware that his shoulders are sagging in relief when he feels the tension-pain ease for a moment. His hand twitches up to massage them, before he forces it back down. “Alright, understood. Shall we start, then?”

“Of course.” Rui stands up. “Up on stage, everyone.”

Tsukasa takes a deep breath, and pushes himself off the bench. Immediately, a crowd of black, fuzzy dots tunnels his vision, and for a few seconds he is completely blind. The ground spins, his eyes feel hot, and every muscle in his body screams at him to sit back down.

He is distantly aware of someone saying something. He blinks, once, twice, and on the third his sight finally clears. Rui is to his left, his steadying hand on Tsukasa’s upper arm. He is staring at him very intensely.

“Hi,” Tsukasa manages. He is breathing, and he clenches the fist of the arm Rui isn’t gripping, trying to clear his mind with the pain of his nails cutting into his palm.

“You’ve gone white as a sheet,” Rui says lowly. From on the stage, Emu and Nene are staring worriedly.

“Is Tsukasa-kun okay?” Emu calls from above, eyebrows pinched together. “He looks really tired!”

“I’m fine,” Tsukasa says. He is still waiting for the world to stop spinning. “I just stood up too fast. Sorry. Don’t worry yourself.”

Rui’s dead-serious, piercing gaze doesn't waver. Tsukasa realizes that at some point he started pressing at his temple, trying to soothe the headache. He drops his hand quickly.

“I probably haven’t had enough water,” he declares, and spins, walking towards his backpack. His vision darkens again, but he keeps his head up. He kneels next to his backpack, uncorks his water bottle, and takes a drink, all the while his vision doesn’t quite clear. 

He’s not wrong. He hasn’t eaten or drank much all day, no thanks to the nausea curling in his stomach. Doing something like this will reassure his group that he’s not hiding anything, just a little dehydrated, is all. He stands back up, dizzy, dizzy, there’s no way he’s not weaving from side to side as he walks back to the stage, but he glares forward, mutinously taking each step up the stairs, as if daring anyone to say something about it.

“So even a guy like you forgets to drink water,” Nene mutters as he climbs up on stage.

“Hah?!” Tsukasa huffs, in character, grabbing at the chance to act as normal. “What do you mean by a guy like me?”

“You walk all the way from school to the theme park, right, Tsukasa-kun?” Emu looks up at him with big, worried eyes. “You gotta make sure to drink water! Like giving a car gas!”

“I’m sure he knows,” Nene says dryly. 

“I’m not a car, you know,” Tsukasa shoots back, taking his place on stage. Rui stands next to him, and Tsukasa feels his eyes on him again.

I’m fine. I feel amazing. I don’t have a headache. I’m not dizzy.

Whatever Rui sees, it’s apparently passable, because he focuses on his script instead. “Okay, starting from Act I, Scene 4…”

Tsukasa performs as well as he possibly can, trying his best to remember Rui’s blocking from several days ago. He goes until Nene and Emu take downstage to have their mini-scene. Tsukasa is the lead (of course), but this scene is mostly where Nene and Emu discuss something, while he and Rui take a backseat. He is breathing hard as he moves upstage, where he’s supposed to mime arguing with Rui. But as his body finally has a chance to rest, he finds he suddenly feels—worse. He’s hot. His head is pounding with each beat of his heart, and he noticed earlier when he dramatically pointed a hand out that his arms were shaking. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and hangs his head a bit, trying to soothe the pain for just a moment.

“Tsukasa-kun?” Rui murmurs next to him.

Tsukasa means to say “I’m fine, just a headache,” or “no talking on stage, remember?” but abruptly he realizes that this bout of vertigo is different. He feels sick to his stomach, like if he opens his eyes and needs to see light one more time it’ll make him throw up. He feels—weird, he can’t put words to it but he feels like something is starting to slip from his grasp.

Tsukasa fumbles, and grips Rui’s sleeve.

“Tsukasa,” Rui repeats, a high note of worry entering his voice.

“Sorry, I think—” Tsukasa tries to blink his vision clear, but it’s rapidly going fuzzy-black again. “I think—I’m g’na—”

The next few seconds either pass by very quickly, or Tsukasa is not present for them. He is aware of his knees going weak, a burst of fire somewhere behind his right eye, and a purely piercing amount of noise that makes a pained groan slide out from his throat.

Then there is nothing, but only for a moment.

He blinks, and first notices points of warmth: on his back, on his upper arm. There is a point of ice-cold, on his forehead.

“He’s burning up,” someone says. Every cell in his body wants to sink into the touch and start crying like a child.

Instead, he opens his eyes. His troupe is staring down at him. Disoriented, it takes him a moment to realize he’s been laid out on the floor of the stage. He doesn’t remember falling, nor being caught, but Rui’s hands are on him; one on his forehead, one on his back—but how’s that so, when one hand is so cold and one is so warm—?

“This idiot.” That’s Nene. Despite her words, her tone is thready with fear, and she looks down at him with the same intensity as any of them.

“Tsukasa-kun? Are you okay?” Emu, her hands wrapped tight on his upper arm. He blinks at her.

Say something, he screams in his head. You’re worrying all of them! They probably think you’re really sick! Say you’re fine!

But his head is all fuzz, and for a second all he can do is stare at them and shake. 

“We need to call a doctor.” Rui’s voice is as serious as he’s ever heard it, with all the authoritative control of a stage director. Nene is the first to move, and that finally jolts Tsukasa awake.

“No,” is what he manages to say, and his voice sounds alien to him, faraway and garbled. He pushes himself up off Rui’s supporting hand unsteadily. “No, I’m—I’m okay.”

“You absolutely are not.” Rui’s tone brooks no argument, and he sounds slightly incredulous as he says it. “You went white as a sheet and then collapsed. If I hadn’t grabbed you, you would’ve cracked your head on the stage floor.”

“I’m just—” Tsukasa falls back, and needs to cut himself off for favor of putting his hands to his face. They stall, not sure where to start: the bridge of his nose, his temples pound, he wants to press against his eyes, he wants to run his nails against his scalp, he wants to crush his head in—

“Here,” Rui murmurs, any previous heat in his tone vanishing. “Tsukasa-kun, sit up and put your head between your knees.”

Too out of it to question him, Tsukasa obeys. Well, this is better, at least; this way all he sees is the old wood of the stage, and not everyone staring at him. His face burns, and he’s not sure if it’s from fever or the shame of doing whatever this is in front of his team.

“Do you feel ill?” Rui’s blessedly cold hand presses against the back of his neck. Tsukasa’s breath stutters out in a sigh. “As in, nauseated?”

“…Uh huh,” Tsukasa mumbles, eyes squeezed shut. Now that he really seems to be in the thick of it, he has to take deep, slow breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth to fight the nausea.

There’s a silent beat. “Okay, then I’m going to ask you to change positions once again, I’m afraid.”

Rui guides him down to lay down on his side, knees still pulled up to his chest in a sort of fetal position.

A hand starts carding through his hair. He shivers, once, then a whole-body shudder runs through him and he finds he can’t stop.

“…symptoms,” Rui’s voice fades in. “What else do you feel?”

“Dizzy.” Even laying down, the world still continues to spin beneath him. “My head hurts.” Upon saying this, a hand presses hard at the temple not currently resting against the stage floor. He thinks he mumbles out something resembling a “thanks.”

“Nene is getting help,” Emu says. She sounds different from her usual self, calm and controlled. “You can rest now, Tsukasa-kun. We’ve got it covered.”

The last of his will snuffs out upon hearing that. He drifts off, not quite into sleep; he thinks he sinks into some uncomfortable fever dream where he can hear Rui and Emu speaking in low, worried tones.

His consciousness comes back to him in bursts; he knows, at one point, that he shoots up and says “Someone text Saki,” before he’s pulled right back under. At one point, he is curled up in bed, and alone, and his parents look at him with so much sorrow, saying “I’m sorry, baby, we don’t want to spread it to Saki. Bravely, now.” But that one has to be a dream, because this is a memory from when he was much younger. “But I want you to take care of me, too,” he remembers thinking back then, which is horribly selfish of him; older than Saki, able-bodied, dealing with a simple cold, nothing near what she had to deal with. It may be a simple cold for him, but if his little sister got it, it could very well land her in the hospital for weeks. So he won’t ask his parents to coddle him just to make him feel a little better, when it could possibly make Saki feel a whole lot worse.

He thinks he says it out loud, though. He thinks he opens his eyes for a bit, but the light from the setting sun makes him gasp through gritted teeth in pain. He’s resting against somebody, and they’re in some sort of moving vehicle. They whisper consolation to him. A hand cards through his hair. He cries out when it’s gone, and somewhere, distantly, he is mortified.

“…still got a fever,” someone murmurs in a low, sad tone. It sounds like Rui’s voice, but—no, it’s his mother. He opens his eyes, and sees her smiling sadly at him, hazy and blurred. “Sorry, baby, you’re still contagious as long as you have one.” She pets his head. “As soon as your fever breaks for a full day, you’re all set to play with Saki again. I’ll bring you tea and some medicine, okay?”

I want you to give me the tea, he thinks. I want you to give me the medicine. I don’t wanna take it myself.

He reaches out, and holds his mother’s hand. No, it must be Rui’s, because he remembers this, and he did no such thing. He smiled, and said “Okay, Mama,” and listened to her walk away. Whoever's it is—he wants to take that hand at the wrist and pull it down on the bed with him, wants someone to be there wholly and entirely for him, wants someone to brush away his hair, sweat-stuck to his forehead, wants comfort so stupidly, like he’s a child, and he knows that he resists the urge to beg for it because he’s been doing so his whole life.

He doesn’t need all those things. Plenty of adults live alone and deal with sicknesses with nobody to coo at them in pity. It’s not like he’s been neglected. He simply wants something that he can’t have.

“You should go, I don’t want to get you sick.” He stares at himself in a mirror, rehearsing his lines. The reflection is a child, and frowns at him. 

“That’s not what you want to say,” the child says reproachfully, looking up at him like he’s a few cards short of a full deck.

“Of course it’s not, but I’m not you,” Tsukasa spits. “I’m a star. An adult. I’ve grown out of crying over the sniffles.”

“You are literally looking in a mirror,” the kid points out, with that same condescending stare. “Isn’t it, like, really obvious?”

“Oh my God,” Tsukasa bemoans, and slams his fists into the glass.

He’s in a hospital.

At first Tsukasa thinks this is another dream. When’s the last time he was the one in the bed? But as he blinks himself awake, he feels pretty sure this is real. He turns his head to the side, and is startled to see that the room is dark, the window revealing that the sun has since set.

“Mnuh,” he says eloquently, and reaches up to press at his head. Still hurts. Great.

“Tsukasa-kun?”

He starts, and turns to the other side of the bed. Rui is sitting nearby, eyes wide. He immediately stands at his bedside, and reaches out to feel his forehead.

“Are you fully awake this time?” he murmurs, focused entirely on whatever ministrations he’s doing. Tsukasa stares, dumbfounded.

“What are you doing here?” he asks thickly, and winces. He has a serious cotton mouth situation going on. “What time is it? What happened?” What do you mean by fully awake “this time”?

Rui frowns. “…Your parents are away, and Saki came by earlier, but she couldn’t spend much time. You’ve caught something we absolutely do not want passing to her.”

Tsukasa blinks at the first indication that he’s actually seriously ill. “What’s wrong with me?”

“They suspect some sort of infection. They’re not sure what, yet, since it takes days to culture the specific bacteria, but you’re on a cocktail of general antibiotics at the moment.”

Tsukasa stares at the wall, chest tightening with each word. “Is it airborne?”

“What?”

“How does it spread? Saki was—this morning, she woke me up—”

Rui’s expression clears with understanding. “Bacterial infections spread less easily than viral ones, by rule of thumb. Focus on getting better, Tsukasa-kun.”

Tsukasa sags back into bed, using one hand to rub at the bridge of his nose, which is starting to get sore from all his poking at it. Rui could very well be lying to make him feel better, but he decides to take the comfort where he can.

“As for your other questions, it’s about eight PM right now. You’ve been in and out of it for a good three or four hours.”

“And as for why you’re here?” Tsukasa asks.

Rui is quiet. “I can leave, if you’d rather—”

“No.”

The quiet sound of a heart rate monitor fills the room after that, and Tsukasa kicks himself mentally. Way too fast of a response there, buddy.

“…I was worried. And none of your family could be here, so I thought I’d stay.” He gives one of his showman smiles. “Everyone should have company when they’re sick, no?”

Tsukasa closes his eyes, embarrassed as tears well up. He’s too sick to properly fight them back.

“Sorry I worried you,” he mumbles.

“As long as you learn from your mistakes,” Rui replies with a hint of his usual teasing. “Please take care of yourself, troupe leader, if only to not startle your poor actors.”

Tsukasa laughs weakly. He pauses, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about fully awake this time. “Did I say anything in my sleep?” he asks, carefully detached. He doesn’t look at Rui, even as a long silence follows.

“…No,” Rui says at length. “Nothing coherent, at least.”

A weight lifts off his chest. “Okay. Thanks. For being here.”

Rui smiles warmly. “For a friend? Of course.”

After that, Tsukasa lays back down to rest. He thrown back into the hazy dream-purgatory state as soon as his head hits the pillow, and for hours that’s where he stays. He wanders in the SEKAI, and try as he might, he can’t find any of the virtual singers. He roams, and stumbles over a rocky part of the park he doesn’t remember seeing.

A singing flower unfurls by his feet. “If you forgot it, it was probably for a good reason, right?”

He keeps walking.

He finds himself tired, and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he is in a memory, once again a small child. He is sick in bed with a stomach bug. He clearly remembers the sheer discomfort, how his ribs ached from heaving, body hot and cold at once. A voice filters in from outside.

“I know, honey. It’s terrible seeing someone you love sick.” Hushed, he hears Saki’s voice, high and worried. “You can see him when his fever goes down, love. We have to make sure you don’t catch what he has, okay?”

He retches.

Is it an inconvenience for them, he wonders as he spits into a trash can, to juggle two ill kids? His parents have never implied such a thing, and treated them with nothing but unconditional love, but mustn't it hurt them? Don't they both wish, deep down, that they'd just be happy and healthy forever? It's terrible seeing someone you love sick. What if he passed this bug to Saki, and was the reason for one of her long hospital stays? He shudders at the thought. He has to avoid being sick as best he can, then. Him being sick makes the whole house miserable. Tsukasa rubs his eyes, and begins a mantra he will follow for the rest of his life: wash your hands when you come home. Keep your hands off your face. Don't touch dirt or bugs or doorknobs. Clean, sanitize, do not bring any dirt inside. Anyone who enters the house needs to follow the rules as well. A star stays clean.

Do not get sick, he repeats to himself. He pushes his hair out of the way, and cringes as he realizes he hadn’t pulled it back in time: the ends are all dirtied.

…It’s his fault for letting it get this long. He resolves to get a haircut as soon as he’s better.

Tsukasa opens his eyes, and his body moves before he’s fully aware of what’s happening.

A second later, he processes the light, boiling, piercing through his eyes down to the center of his brain, and a white-hot ice-cold firework behind his eyes that strikes electricity down his whole body. He feels the burn in his chest first, and hears himself retching second. Because great, of course that’ll fix everything. Tsukasa hates the human body sometimes.

He’s not sure, because his eyes are squeezed shut, but he thinks someone is there with him. He hears the sound of whatever the hell he’s spitting up hitting something, so somebody’s put a basin there for him. Distantly, he feels someone sweep his hair back, but he knows he keeps it short enough to not get in the way.

“You’re alright. You’re alright.” A soothing, gentle voice floats by him, but there’s a note of panic in it. “Nurse, please—”

Tsukasa rolls back to laying down, and immediately presses the sides of his head like he’s trying to hold it together. “Lights,” he manages to get out, and blessedly they turn off a few seconds later.

“Sorry about that, hon.” Tsukasa squints his eyes open long enough to catch a glimpse of a nurse. He immediately squeezes them shut. Even with the lights off, everything hurts. “We have you on a strong antibiotic cocktail here. You haven’t eaten in a while, so I’m sure that’s not going easy on your stomach. I’m gonna start you on an antiemetic, okay?”

Tsukasa wants to say what about something for this headache, please but all that comes out is an “nnnghkay”. 

“How are you feeling otherwise, Tsukasa-kun?”

Tsukasa’s eyes jerk open, and he swivels to face who just spoke. For a moment, all pain is ignored in his horror.

The one holding his hair back with one hand and a bucket for him to puke into in the other was Rui.

“I am so sorry,” Tsukasa babbles immediately. His words slur together slightly from the pain. “I, I’m sure that wasn’t how you wanted to spend your visit—”

“None of that,” Rui says, cutting him off immediately. “There’s no shame in helping a friend who’s sick.” He leans forward as he speaks, and puts a hand to Tsukasa’s forehead to check for fever.

Tsukasa flushes. Still, this seems—this is outside the realm of friends, surely? Nobody’s ever done something as deeply personal as this for him before. Maybe his parents, before Saki was born, but he was a baby. Taking care of something helpless as that is a given.

Rui, unaware of Tsukasa’s mounting shame, frowns and leans back, apparently unsatisfied with the state of Tsukasa’s forehead. “Headache the same?”

Tsukasa nods. It’s then he realizes it’s broad daylight outside.

“…Rui, how long have you been here?” Tsukasa says slowly. “Not all night, surely?”

Rui blinks. “…Well, your parents couldn’t be here, and nor could Saki, so…”

Horror grows as Rui continues talking. Okay, this is far beyond the realm of friends, and a favor too great to repay. Fretting at his bedside? Staying all night? Hell, today’s a school day, is he skipping for this—?

“You should be at school,” Tsukasa hears himself say. “I’ll be alright. I've got the doctors and nurses. Thank you so much—truly, I mean it—for being here, but I couldn’t ask any more of you.”

Rui blinks at him. He hesitates, looks like he’s about to say something, but just observes Tsukasa.

Finally, he says: “Are you sure you don’t mind being alone?”

That tickles something at the back of Tsukasa’s head. A dream, at some point, something similar to this situation…

“Yeah, it’s no problem,” Tsukasa says. He is nothing if not an actor. “Go get some real rest, Rui. And something other than hospital food! Goodness, no one should have to suffer through that stuff if they don’t have to.”

Rui smiles absently. “…Very well, Tsukasa-kun. I will speak with the other members of Wonderlands x Showtime and let them know your condition is improving.”

Tsukasa forces himself to smile back and not say a word as he leaves. As soon as he’s sure he’s alone in the room, Tsukasa buries his face in the pillow and counts out his breaths, ignoring the ones that hitch.

He drifts off, but it’s not for long, because it’s still bright in the room when he wakes. Luckily, they’ve left the lights off, but he groans and presses his face against the pillow as he slowly returns to consciousness. Seriously, he’s been sleeping for hours and taking all this medication, when is the headache gonna go away?

“Tsukasa-kun?”

He turns, and sitting by his bed with a notebook in her lap is none other than Emu.

Tsukasa keeps his eyes open long enough to recognize her, then returns to trying to merge his face with the pillow. “Hi,” he greets, voice muffled and utterly miserable. He rallies, and gives a weak smile. “Here to visit?”

“Uh huh! School just ended so I came by to do my homework! I’m happy you’re awake, though!”

Tsukasa doesn’t have the heart to tell her to pipe down just a little. She’s probably not speaking all that loud, and he’s just oversensitive to light and sound right now, so he doesn’t bug her about it. “That’s very nice of you. Thanks, Emu.”

He cracks an eye open again to observe her. “You should wear a mask, though. Or sit further away. I don’t want to get you sick.”

Emu blinks, and tilts her head. “Hm? Don’t worry, Tsukasa-kun! I’m being really careful and washing my hands and all. Plus you’re not coughing or sneezing, so I think I’ll be okay.”

He sighs, reaching up to rub his tense neck. Nobody can really stop Emu once she has her mind set on something.

“You really scared everyone back there,” Emu says after a minute, voice hushing a bit. “Next time, pretty please ask for the day off? I don’t want Tsukasa-kun suffering to put on a show, ‘cause otherwise that beats the point of making everyone smile.”

Tsukasa cracks a small smile. “Of course. I’m sorry, Emu. I thought I was better about not pushing myself, but…” he sighs. “…I just really didn’t want to be sick.”

Emu nods sympathetically. “I know, being sick is so…hm,” she tilts her head, and settles for putting her hands in an X shape. “Not wonderhoy.”

Tsukasa huffs out a laugh. “…There’s several synonyms for ‘bad’, you know.”

“But this one fits best!” And then she surprises him; he suddenly feels her hand on his head, and a warm, soothing presence around his neck and shoulders. He makes an undignified noise of mixed surprise and relief, twisting around to see what she’s doing.

Emu grins. “Ta-da! Sock and rice in a microwave! It makes a really good heating pad!”

Tsukasa melts under the warmth of it, and lets out a sigh that feels several years old. “…Thank you, Emu,” he mumbles into the pillow. “That feels heavenly.”

She giggles. “Nothing but heavenly for the heavenly horse!”

“’s called a pegasus,” he corrects.

“Yep,” she cheerfully ignores. “Get some rest, Tsukasa-kun. Emu will be right here to take care of you!”

He doesn’t respond, face down in his scratchy hospital pillow, a lump forming in his throat that has nothing to do with his illness.

This time, he dreams he is in a black, inky void, curled up on the ground by himself. He isn’t freezing, but he is acutely aware of a complete lack of warmth. His head pulses and aches, and he’s so sick of it he feels like he’s about to start crying out of pure frustration. There’s nobody here. It’s just him, and when he cries out for someone, not even his own voice echoes back.

 A pretty songstress is singing a beautiful, mournful tune. It has no lyrics, and as he listens to it, he feels loose and calm.

“His fever’s spiked,” the pretty songstress sings.

“Fevers commonly get worse at night,” an audience member comments to her. “We’ll monitor it.”

He groans, turning his head away from the unwanted noise. Why are other people here? Are they here to see the show, too? At least the venue is dark, no glowsticks or lights in sight, just a melodic voice and the humming of stage equipment that sounds like a steady beep, beep, beep.

“Tsukasa?” the singer asks quietly. He doesn’t notice until the movement stops, but he realizes somebody has been holding his hand, stroking their thumb down his knuckles. “Are you awake?”

He opens his eyes and sees the songstress. She’s mostly a shadow in the dark room, a splash of gray watercolor, but he can see the light reflect off her eyes.

“You have a beautiful voice,” he mumbles, eyes sliding back shut.

There’s a moment of silence. “What?”

“You can keep singing. Unless you’re a siren here to take me somewhere else.” He lets his head loll to the other side of his pillow, which is blissfully cool. “Then I’d have to…ask you to stop. I have a lot of people here to perform for someday.”

The siren-songstress woman is silent again. “Oh. Wow. Okay. You’re totally out of it.” She peers down at him, frowning. “Emu told me you were coherent this afternoon…”

Fear grips his heart as he hears her tone, something like disappointment. “No. I’m fine. Don’t go.”

She blinks twice, mouth opening. Something unreadable comes over her face, and he feels it’s an expression he’s never seen on her before. “…Oh. Rui wasn’t lying, huh.”

He grips the hand that’s holding his. “I don’t want to get you sick,” he rambles, anxiously, “but, if you’re careful, and wash your hands, it’ll be okay if you stay, right?”

She stalls, then slowly returns to running her thumb over his hand. “I—I can’t really tell what you’re saying, but…I’m not going anywhere, um. So you can go back to bed, okay? I’ll be right here.”

“Please,” he whispers, and feels tear tracks on his cheek. Huh. Hopefully that isn’t him that’s crying. He doesn’t want the songstress to think he’s anything but a shining star.

“I promise, okay? Settle…settle down.”

It’s a nice dream, and he means to thank her for taking him out of the cold, dark, lonely place, but he’s not sure that she understands.

He is woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of a young girl screaming and crying. He shoots up, looking around wildly. The horse-shaped alarm clock at his nightstand reads two in the morning.

He stumbles off the bed, and rushes to his door to see what’s going on. Outside in the hallway, his father is rushing down the stairs, car keys jingling, while his mother holds his four-year-old baby sister in her arms, trying to console her. Saki’s little face is red and streaked with tears as she cries and cries.

“It hurts,” she wails, and five-year-old Tsukasa is frozen in the doorway at such a raw display of pure agony.

His mother looks up and sees him. She bites her lip. “Tsukasa, we need to take Saki to the hospital. We’ll be back when we can, okay?”

“Can I come?” he asks fervently, rushing forward for his little sister. He needs to do something, he’s not even sure what’s afflicting her but he wants to find out right now, and do anything in his power to make it better.

His mother hesitates, before standing up and saying, “Sorry, honey, but you need to get your rest too, okay? You can come visit her if she’s still sick tomorrow, but for now just stay here and hold the fort for us.” She kisses his forehead, and hurriedly goes down the stairs, Saki wailing all the way.

For the rest of the night, Tsukasa is alone. He lays curled up in bed, deeply horrified by the cruelty of a world that would put someone so tiny, so helpless and gentle, under that much pain. He sniffles, and begins to cry, turning away from the shadows in his room that look like people.

Nobody is home. He is alone in a big house. Later, he will grow out of this, but for now he is scared, and deeply lonely. It never, not once, occurs to him to curse his sister or his parents for this; he stares mutinously outside the window, and asks the sky how it could do this to his precious, star-born family.

“Tsukasa-senpai? Please, settle down.”

Tsukasa gasps awake, tear tracks drying on his cheeks, the phantom feeling of deep loneliness lingering from his dream. He feels gross and sweaty, and overall he’s sure he’s a complete mess to look at. 

Which is why of course the person watching after him today is his adored kouhai, Toya. Because of course he has to see him like this.

“Toya,” Tsukasa mumbles, waterlogged. He rubs his eyes, and sees that it’s still dark out. “Wha’ time issit…?”

“Five in the morning,” his junior informs him pleasantly, which has Tsukasa shooting up like a rocket.

“Five A.M?!” he just about shrieks. “What—have you stayed up all night? Or come to visit this early?” He’s not sure which one is worse.

Toya blinks, nonplussed. “I came early. I get up around this time, anyway. Please settle down, Tsukasa-senpai, you’re still quite ill.”

With that, Tsukasa remembers himself. He blinks, leaning back into his pillows, and finds that the headache has dimmed in its intensity. He can at least keep his eyes open now, and feels a lot less confused.

“How are you feeling?” Toya asks, hands folded in his lap. “You seem more alert than your friend let on.”

“My friend?” Tsukasa questions, rubbing an eye. 

“Kusanagi-san, I believe. She said when she was here last night, you were delirious.”

Tsukasa blinks, frowning. “Nene? Nene was here? I don’t remember that at all.”

Toya smiles. “Well, that would make sense. It seems your fever spiked early last night, but a nurse came in just as Kusanagi-san was leaving and said it seems to have broken.”

“Oh. That’s good news, then!” Tsukasa smiles, and it feels like the first genuine one in a while. “Do you mind filling me in on what’s been going on? I’m not entirely sure, but it feels like I’ve been in and out of it for two or three days…?”

“You’ve made it through night two of your stay,” Toya confirms. “I’m not sure entirely what’s been happening. I was only informed of your condition yesterday evening.”

“By who?”

“Kamishiro-senpai sent me a message, and he…” Toya pauses suddenly, as if he’s struck upon something he’s not supposed to say. “…And I decided to check in on you,” he finishes hastily.

Luckily, Toya is the world’s worst liar, so even a sick Tsukasa can tell something’s up…but he’s too tired to press the issue. “That’s very kind of you, Toya.” He suddenly remembers something else very important. “And—and Saki? She hasn’t shown any symptoms, has she? She hasn’t been hanging around here?”

“Saki-san is just fine, but because she was a close contact, she’s getting tested just to be safe. I’m not sure if she’s been around, but I believe she left you voicemails.”

Upon hearing this, Tsukasa fumbles around for his phone, but considering he was unconscious when brought in, he has no clue where it’s been put. Toya takes mercy on him, and goes to the outlet in the corner of the room, where his phone has been set to charge.

As he brings it over, Tsukasa remembers one more thing. “You said Saki is getting tested? Do they know what I have, specifically?”

Toya nods. “Yes. According to Kamishiro-senpai’s account, upon you arriving to the hospital, the doctors immediately suspected a form of meningitis because of your symptoms. It would take a while to find out whether it was viral or bacterial, though, and the bacterial form is incredibly dangerous, and can even be deadly.” Tsukasa swallows nervously at this. “So just to be safe, while waiting for the lab results to get back, they started you on the antibiotic anyway. But it turns out you have the viral kind, which is much milder and can be dealt with at home, so they took you off the antibiotic. I think now you’re just on fluids, and will be able to go home as soon as you feel ready.”

Tsukasa pauses. “…This was mild?”

Toya gives a small smile. “Comparatively, yes.”

Tsukasa takes a slow, deep breath. He is reminded for the millionth time that Saki is far stronger than he is, dealing with things that are not considered “mild”.

“I’m sure the doctors will want to talk to you now, and you probably want to listen to Saki’s voicemails,” Toya continues. “If you would like me to leave you be…”

Tsukasa looks up at him. “Do…do you have somewhere you need to be?”

Toya shakes his head, and looks at him expectantly. But now that he’s lucid, Tsukasa can’t bring himself to ask him to stay. He’s too…well to beg anyone to hang around him. So he just stalls, waffling between silence and saying something.

“Actually,” Toya speaks up, “While I’m here, I may as well help a bit. You should be staying hydrated. I’ll go get water for you.”

Tsukasa smiles warmly and thanks him. As he goes, he lifts up his phone and checks his voicemails. There are four.

The first one is from around six PM the day he collapsed.

“Tsukasa! Rui just—he just called and told me what happened. I KNEW it, I KNEW something was up this morning…!” she certainly doesn’t sound triumphant with this information; her tone is sad and frustrated. His heart aches to hear it. “What do you ALWAYS tell me, Tsukasa? To not push myself and listen to my body! Please, please can you do the same? It worries me to DEATH when this kind of thing…” she trails off and sighs. “I mean I can’t say anything, cause I’ve done the same thing and stressed you out, so now I get how it feels on the other end, but…I mean, we can both agree that this sucks, right? So please don’t push yourself next time, okay? I’m gonna visit you tonight, I know you’re probably passed out right now, but I’ll be careful, okay? Get better soon. I love you.”

He smiles weakly at his phone, feeling ready to tear up. He scrolls to the next one, which is from around 10 PM of the same day.

“Hi Tsukasa! I’m just leaving this for you for when you wake up! I visited you, okay, promise. Your friend Rui can attest to that! You were completely knocked out, though. You didn’t look so good, Tsukasa. You were really really pale. It kind of looked like you had lipstick on because your lips were the only thing with a little color on you.” She lets out a short laugh. “Sorry, sorry, that might be kind of mean. I guess I’m just trying to say…” there’s a silence for a long time on the other end. “…It’s…hard seeing someone in that hospital bed. It’s hard feeling that helpless. It’s hard being back in the hospital at all! It all just kind of sucks, huh. Well, when you wake up and listen to this, make sure you get an icepack for your head, those work wonders…and drink water! Looots of water, stay hydrated, and, ummm…” she laughs again, bright and cheerful. “Ah geez, it feels so weird playing the doting sister role…! It’s always you doing this. Aw, Tsukasa, I’m so sorry for stressing you out all those years. And I'm sorry for basically just yelling at you in my last voicemail, I was just really worried, and—well. I’m rambling! Okay, I’ll hang up, ‘cause I’m just rambling at this point. Feel better soon. I love you to the moon and back, okay?”

The third is from 3PM the next day; that must have been around the same time Emu was visiting him. She tells him about her day at school, and repeatedly apologizes for not being there to visit him.

“I really was gonna keep going to see you. When I called up Mom and Dad—they’re heading back to check up on you, y’know—they told me to stay home because I shouldn’t be in a hospital where I can catch stuff. But it’s not like you guys ever stayed away from ME because you didn’t wanna catch what I had. But, well, a lot of my friends advised against it as well, especially ‘cause we don’t know what you have, and how it could interact with me. But Honami and Ichi gave me the idea to leave you voicemails, so it’s kind of like I’m visiting you!”

Tsukasa closes his eyes, and listens to his sister recount the story of a squirrel at school that took one of her chips. Dimly, he’s aware of Toya opening the door, and hears a cup of water get set on his nightstand.

He means to thank him, and gratefully drink some water, but he finds himself lulled back to sleep, feeling wholly and utterly loved.

Tsukasa dreams that he is on stage, beside his dear, treasured theater troupe. He turns to each of them and smiles a smile that feel like it comes up from the core of his body, and they smile brilliantly back in turn. It is their curtain call, and the audience is giving a standing ovation; in the first row are his two baby siblings, Toya and Saki.

It is hot in the costumes, and bright under the stage lights. And when he shouts “Thank you so much for coming to see our show!”, holding hands with his castmates and taking a bow, he can hear his voice echo throughout the venue, bouncing off the walls, the seats, and against all the people he loves from the bottom of his heart.

Chapter Text

Tsukasa is probably just being paranoid.

He was discharged from the hospital a week ago now, and it’s been two days since he finally felt well enough to venture outside his room and resume his day-to-day life. He’s very glad to put the whole debacle behind him—he can’t help but feel a little embarrassed that he let things get that bad—but he feels like everyone’s been different since.

He can’t blame them. He knows it’s natural to be a little gentler with someone who’s just recently recovered from illness. In fact, most times he appreciates it. He’s still a little sensitive to light and sound, and prone to headaches more often than not (which the doctor assured would wear away with time), so having Rui pull back just a teeny bit on the special effects wasn’t entirely unwelcome. 

But mostly he feels like the way everyone’s been treating him goes just a tad beyond normal concern.

“Want me to walk you back home, Tsukasa-kun?”

A soft touch alighting on his shoulder, Rui’s eyes looking down at him with a gentle, thoughtful sort of warmth.

“Tsukasa-kun, one more hug for the road!” 

His only warning before a pink whirlwind comes barreling at him, wrapping her arms around him tight for nearly ten full seconds.

“Rui’s busy today, since it’s his turn to clean the classroom. But…” 

A furrowing of eyebrows, hands tightening around a small lunchbox.

“...As long as you aren’t yelling your head off, you can have lunch with me, too, every once in a while.”

“Is there anything I can do to help, Tsukasa-senpai?” 

Wide, earnest gray eyes, that shift away when Tsukasa asks with what? “Just in general,” Toya answers, softer.

Yeah, they’re all acting weird.

Toya, Emu, and Rui he might get. Toya’s very considerate, Emu has a freak sixth sense for all things not-wonderhoy, and Rui had the whole Halloween fiasco last time Tsukasa got hurt (he still cringes at the memory). An overprotective streak lasting a bit longer and more intensely than expected might very well be the expected.

But Nene? That Nene, the one that hides her face behind a book when he passes by her classroom like that’ll make her vanish into thin air? It's not like he can't imagine the idea of her caring about him—he knows she does, in her own way—but this isn't her way. Not the soft touches, nor the offers to stay close. 

No, there he draws the line. This isn’t a coincidence, it’s a pattern.

He expects it to just blow over. He doesn’t get sick very often, and never that bad. Maybe Nene just has a secret caring side that he is getting to see for a limited time only. It won’t last long.

…Which is a relief, of course. A star isn’t one to be coddled, worried over. The thought of them looking at him and always just seeing the same guy who got lain out by robots during their Halloween show, the same guy who passed out on stage and had to be caught by his stage director…it's only natural for that to irk him. 

“Tsukasa-kun’s hair is so soft,” Emu says, one day during their break. Her hand runs through the peach-blond strands at the base of his neck. Her nails brush skin, and a frisson of electricity runs down his spine, sharp enough to make him visibly jump. It makes her giggle. “Like a cat!”

…It's embarrassing.

“Tenma-kun!”

“AUGH!” Tsukasa jolts in his seat, head snapping up fast enough to send a dull pain through his neck. He hears someone near him giggle. “Y-Yes?!”

The teacher frowns at him, unamused. “I said, pass your paper to the front.”

Tsukasa blinks, looking around and bringing a hand up to massage his stinging neck. Everyone’s desk is clear, their papers held by the teacher at the front, except for his.

He flushes red. “Ah!! Sorry!!”

The kid in front of him has a smile on his face as Tsukasa hands his paper over, watching it get passed down the row of desks. It’s definitely not a good look for him to be zoning out in class after missing a whole week of school. He’ll have to focus as well as he can for the rest of the lesson.

…A week of school work to catch up on, the show they were working on before Tsukasa’s little health scare, and figuring out why his troupe is being so touchy.

He has…a lot of work to do.

His head hurts.

Before Tsukasa was discharged, the doctor had explained several things about what his recovery would look like. He said that even after the fever went down and he was no longer contagious, after effects could last a few weeks. He went on to explain that fatigue, irritability, recurring headaches, and "brain fog" were all potential symptoms he might have to deal with. Tsukasa was then very emphatically told to not immediately return to his same level of physical activity and rather build himself back up to it. Tsukasa had nodded seriously along, and proceeded to downplay this to everyone around him.

He didn't lie, certainly; he simply paraphrased a few things. "Risk of chronic fatigue" turned into "I'll need to take it a little bit easy". He told his troupe that he may still have headaches here and there, nothing over-the-counter pain meds couldn't fix, and left out anything about nightmares or the more scary, severe side effects the Internet was more than happy to provide him (seizures, hearing loss, memory loss—)

Things that only applied to severe cases. He would be fine. His troupe had already put off their current show due to the amount of time he spent sick, and he wasn't going to hold things off for the weeks it could take for every last after effect to wear off. After all, like the doctor had said, his fever was gone and he wasn't contagious, so therefore he wasn't sick, and there was no reason to cause trouble for anybody.

But it was hard to ignore. Where before he would sleep through the night uninterrupted without fail, now he'd occasionally wake up in a start, heart pounding and cold with sweat for no apparent reason. His head would ache, and still ache in the morning, and through school and rehearsal and dinner and til he went back to sleep again. He'd look at his homework that had piled up over his week-long little "vacation", and the words wouldn't get through to him, like the printed text was just sliding off his eyes instead of going into his brain.

But it was fine. It wasn't that bad. It could be worse. He's seen people go through worse. 

"Tsukasa-kun?"

Tsukasa's head shoots up, and with it follows the long-familiar burning in his neck and a pulse of his headache. Rui is looking at him from offstage with a frown, script folded in his lap. 

"It's your line," Nene says dryly, in front of him, his scene partner.

Tsukasa looks down, but no script is in his hands. That's right, they're supposed to be off book by now. He blinks, and nothing comes to him. It's completely silent in his head except for the beat of his heart.

"Uh." Tsukasa wets his lips, scrunches his eyebrows, and frowns. "Line?"

There's a silence, and Tsukasa feels it like a whip, a lash of disapproval. He holds back an apology; it won't help him remember the line, and it certainly wont save the wasted time.

"You villain, I'm more the man," Rui recites, glancing at the script in his hand. He looks up on stage, expecting that to be enough to jog Tsukasa's memory.

It isn't. Tsukasa brings his gaze to the stage floor. His head hurts. He knows he has to ask for the rest of the line, but the words freeze in his throat. He's already asked for help once; twice feels obscene.

"...Tsukasa-kun, are you alright?"

Tsukasa looks back down to where Rui is sitting. His expression is almost unreadable, except for the slight knot of his eyebrows.

"Yes," Tsukasa replies automatically, almost before he's even processed the question. Then he hesitates. He looks back at Nene, and notices Emu has poked her head out from backstage to watch with a far more readable concern.

Tsukasa lets out a breath. He's at least aware that he's lost all his credibility with pretending to be fine after what he pulled, collapsing on stage after proudly declaring that all he needed was some more water. If he tries anything like that again here, they're probably going to just force him to rest, or cancel practice. The least he can do is admit to it, and hope they don't take drastic measures.

"...My head hurts," he finally admits, and then brings his hands up. "Just the normal kind, like the doctor said it'd be! It's not bad! I just got...momentarily distracted."

He can almost feel the vague concern in the air become concentrated, like they're beaming it onto him from all sides. 

Rui stands and pulls Tsukasa's backpack over. "Which pocket was your pain medication in again?"

"No, it's really nothing I need to take medication for," Tsukasa assures. "I don't want to have to rely on it too much anyway."

"As long as you're taking it within dosage limits and spaced out over the day, there's very little risk," Rui says as he takes it upon himself to rifle through Tsukasa's belongings. "Over-the-counter analgesics are generally not addictive. There's no reason to put yourself through unnecessary pain."

Tsukasa flounders. "Okay, well, I'm supposed to take those with food. I haven't eaten since lunch, so I shouldn't—"

"Emu-kun," Rui interrupts.

She snaps a salute, shouts "yes, sir!", and runs downstage. She then jumps off without using the stairs.

"Emu, don't do that, you could get hurt," Tsukasa calls out tiredly, more out of reflex than anything.

"Okaaaay!" She shouts back, thoroughly ignoring him as she sifts through her bag. "Ahah! Here you go, Rui-kun!"

He reaches a hand out, still elbow-deep in Tsukasa's backpack, and Emu places a packaged snack into his waiting palm.

"Just let them fawn over you," Nene chimes in. He glances back up at her, and is met with a small smile. "It'd be like trying to fight the tide, at this point."

He sighs, and is forced to concede. He makes the walk of shame to the stairs and descends the stage slowly. By the time he makes it over to the bench Rui is on, he's apparently found the small travel bottle of medication that Tsukasa carries. Rui hands him the snack Emu had given him—prepackaged, slightly smushed taiyaki—without glancing up, eyes laser-focused on the medication directions.

Tsukasa sighs, sinking down on the bench next to Rui. Now that he's acknowledged the headache out loud, it feels harder to ignore. He looks down at the taiyaki with faint disdain; he really doesn't have much of an appetite.

Still, it's a gift from Emu, and he's caused enough trouble, so he peels open the wrapper and starts eating from the head.

"Ah! I have an idea!" Emu suddenly shouts, and the bean paste turns to sand in his mouth at the pulse of pain that follows. She, characteristically, does not elaborate, taking off in the direction of the locker rooms.

He swallows with some difficulty, reaching out instinctively for a water bottle that he realizes is definitely not within reach—

—and makes contact with it. His head shoots up in surprise to see Nene standing there, holding out his water bottle to him. She gives him another small smile at his nonplussed expression.

"I figured you wouldn't want to take a pill dry," she explains.

"...Thank you," he says, genuine, but still a bit surprised. "That was perfect. You were standing exactly where I reached."

She just shrugs, moving to take a seat in the bench behind him and Rui. "I mean, it's not rocket science. I was just standing in front of you, is all."

Tsukasa considers in silence, working through the rest of the taiyaki. It's not nearly as flavorful as the fresh ones they get together at the shop, but then again, prepackaged things never are. Somehow, despite that and the headache, it tastes sweet.

"I'm baaaaack!" 

Tsukasa glances up to see Emu charging towards him. He flinches and holds his arms up, but she skids to a halt right in front of him instead of tackling him like usual. She presents him a small washcloth—one of the ones they use after practice to wipe their faces. 

"I ran and soaked it in cold, cold water in the bathroom!" She explains cheerfully. "Then I wrung it out and everything! You can put it on your neck, and it makes you feel a little better!"

"Oh, thank you," he says, and reaches out to take it. She sidesteps him, however, and perches next to Nene. He's about to turn around and ask what she's planning, but then she runs the compress over his neck and shoulders.

It's far more refreshing than he expected. The water isn't ice-cold, likely thanks to Emu's hands warming it up on the way over, so it doesn't startle him enough to agitate his head more. It clears away the dried sweat he hadn't even realized was there. Without meaning to, he relaxes into the bench with a sigh.

"Thank you," he repeats, a bit more sleepily. "Oh, I remember. You did this for me at the hospital, but that time was with heat instead of cold."

"Mhm! I'm not really sure when you use one or the other, but whenever I was sick Onee-chan would give me her heating pad and wipe my skin just like this!"

Tsukasa smiles. He remembers seeing his mother do the same for Saki. He opens his mouth to say as much, but is distracted by a tap on his shoulder.

He turns back around to Rui. "Hm? What is it?"

"You finished your taiyaki," Rui points out, nodding towards the wrapper in his hand. Tsukasa looks down in surprise—he hadn't even noticed. Rui holds out two white pills to him.

Tsukasa just takes one. "I usually take one, then wait to take the second one if I really need it," he explains quickly, sensing that Rui's preparing to launch into reading out the dosage instructions line by line. "No need to use two if one will do the job."

"And does it, usually?"

No. "Sometimes."

Rui squints, but acquiesces. Tsukasa places the pill between his teeth, uncaps his water bottle, then tips the water and pill into his mouth in the same motion.

He moves to screw the cap back on, but Rui blocks his hand. "Drink more," he advises at Tsukasa's confused look. "Might not help, but best to avoid dehydration."

Tsukasa dutifully takes another few sips. In the corner of his eye, he sees Rui folding Tsukasa's practice hoodie in his lap. He'd draped it over one of the benches at the start of practice, but he's not sure exactly what Rui is doing with it.

He doesn't have to wonder for long. Rui finishes folding, stares at Tsukasa, and gives the hoodie a single pat.

Tsukasa stares.

"Lay down," Rui elaborates.

Tsukasa stares, this time at the makeshift pillow.

"You've got half an hour or more before the medication kicks in. Might as well give your eyes a rest."

"That's your lap," Tsukasa points out, because Rui seems to be unaware.

"Yes. If you laid straight on these hard benches, even with the hoodie, it wouldn't be good on your neck or shoulders, and could even make the headache worse."

"So clinical," Tsukasa mutters. "I don't—I don't need that much, okay? You guys have done plenty. We can get back to practice while—"

"No," three voices say at once.

Tsukasa deflates.

"Fighting the tide," Nene reminds from behind him.

"Can I play with your hair while you're laying down?" Emu asks.

And, like the tide indeed, he is pushed down whether he likes it or not. Although, he has to say—once he finally lays down, his shoulders relax, and he realizes just how tense the headache has made them. Emu, with his permission, tries to do tiny little braids in what hair she has to work with. Nene hums something soothing, like a lullaby.

It feels—nice.

Tsukasa opens his eyes to look up at Rui. He's backlit by the sun, which makes it hard to see his face. It kind of reminds him of...

Tsukasa—

...of the fluorescent lights in the...

—right here, not going—

...huh.

"Is something wrong?"

Tsukasa startles. Rui is leaning down, letting Tsukasa see his frown clearly. 

"What?" Tsukasa asks, inexplicably breathless.

"It's just that you suddenly opened your eyes. Is this position not comfortable?"

"No, it's not that," Tsukasa assures, but his eyebrows furrow as he shifts and looks away, then back at Rui.

Something about...the lighting, and the contact...

"I just got a weird feeling of deja vu," is the only way he can put it.

Emu's hands pause in his hair. Nene's note trails off.

Rui sits back up so the shadows once again obscure his face. "Odd," is all he says, and that's that.

"I'm home!"

"Oh, Tsukasa!" Saki pokes her head out from the kitchen. "Welcome back!"

"Saki!" He slips his shoes off and places them neatly in line with the others by the door. "You're home awful early today. No practice?"

"Shiho-chan has a shift tonight, so we left off early today!" She comes into the entryway to give him a hug. He laughs and returns it tightly. "So, how was practice?"

"Ah, it was...!" Tsukasa begins, then frowns, looks up, and tilts his head. "Good! Yes. And normal!"

"I see," Saki replies sagely. "So what happened?"

Tsukasa slumps. "You can always see right through me! I'll never understand it."

"Just a little sister's intuition. Now come on, tell me!"

Tsukasa sighs as he shrugs off his backpack. "Well, I had a little tiny bit of a headache at practice today. And I guess the others could tell, and they...they..." Tsukasa crosses his arms, thinking. "Really read me the riot act! But if the riot act was giving me snacks and water and a cool towel. And reading the full instructions of over-the-counter pain meds before giving them to me. And touching my hair and singing a lullaby. And Rui even—he made a pillow out of my hoodie so I could lay down."

"Awww!" Saki grins, putting her hands together and tilting her head. "You have a funny definition of riot act, Tsukasa, they sound so sweet!"

Tsukasa nods emphatically, almost proudly. "It was very kind of them! I'm blessed to have such good friends!!" 

"But your arms are still crossed and your eyebrows are trying to meet in the middle. So what's the issue?" She hops on the couch, patting the cushion next to her.

He plops himself down next to her. "Well, there's no issue, it's just...it was kind of funny. They were like a well-oiled machine. I said I needed to take the meds with food, and Rui just said Emu-kun, and she went and got a snack like they were using telepathy! Like they'd practiced!"

Saki laughs at the image. "Well, you do all work together like a single unit on stage. They all had the same goal in taking care of you." Her smile softens. "I'm really glad you have such good friends."

Tsukasa looks down at his hands.

"But I wouldn't put it past them that they'd practice the best Tsukasa care strategy," she says, almost just to herself. "Especially that Rui-san. He seems like he keeps a plan for everything. He's the one who got everyone together when you were sick, after all."

Tsukasa blinks, turning to face her. "Got everyone together?"

Saki pauses. The smile on her face freezes for a moment.

"Like," she gestures with her hands, "I mean, contacted. I used the wrong word. Contacted! I told you through a voicemail, right? That Rui-san was the one to tell me what happened?"

"You did," Tsukasa acknowledges. He sits up with a start. "And Toya! He said the same thing."

Toya also said something else, didn't he? Tsukasa tries to remember, but Saki continues speaking before it can come to him.

"Yeah, so that's what I meant!" She twirls a lock of hair in her fingers. "Good at...organization. Guess that's what you want in a director, yeah?"

"Yeah," Tsukasa agrees.

There's a pause. It's broken by their mother's voice from the kitchen. "Saki, could you come dry these for me?"

"Oh! Right! Coming, Mom!" Saki jumps up from the couch and smiles down at her brother. "Real quick, though. Is your head any better? You should turn in early tonight."

"Much better," he affirms, and it's the truth. Usually only one pill doesn't help too much, but with his group making sure he rested for the full duration before it kicked in, it seems to have been a bit more effective. "Thank you for your concern, Saki!"

Her smile is bright as the stars.

Heeding Saki's advice, Tsukasa goes to bed shortly after dinner. The medicine has worn off, and his headache has returned. Nothing too bad, since he took it so easy today—just a dull, passive thrum behind his eyes that he can almost ignore.

What's harder to ignore is the play-by-play of today's events that roll behind his eyes like a film. There's something that's been bugging him all day since practice. When he thinks of his group being so generous, taking care of him like that, it makes something familiar shift in his chest. He thinks of Saki—

He's the one who got everyone together when you were sick...

Kamishiro-senpai contacted me, and he...

Tsukasa sits straight up in bed, nearly shrieking with realization. Toya had said something similar—but he'd shifted uncomfortably, looked away, changed topics quickly—Tsukasa had known he was lying about something, but decided to let it slide and think about it later because he'd been so out of sorts!

And he what?! Tsukasa screams in his head. Rui contacted Toya, and—and what? What would Rui say to Toya that would have to be hidden from him?

No, he's overthinking it. It could be that perhaps Toya was embarrassed to admit something. Maybe Toya wasn't thinking of visiting Tsukasa at all, and Rui suggested it, and Toya didn't want to appear uncaring or like he was being forced to come, so he made it seem like his idea.

...He's still overthinking it. He could just ask Toya tomorrow at school. It's not like something so inconsequential could keep him up all night.

...

God damn it.

"Toya! Toooo-ya!"

Ignoring the dozens of students that turn to stare thanks to his excellently projected voice, Tsukasa fixes his gaze on the neat blue hair a few meters in front of him. After the first yell, Toya turns around, face melting into a warm smile. Akito, walking next to him, not so much—he turns around with a look like he's just bit into a rotten lemon.

"Tsukasa-senpai," Toya greets warmly, shifting to the side of the path so students can pass by them freely. "I'm glad to see you so well."

"Ha-ha-ha! Of course!" Tsukasa plants his fist firmly on his chest. "It would take a hundred times more effort to take down a star! No—a million!"

"What do you want," Akito deadpans.

Tsukasa hmphs at his attitude. "I actually wanted to ask Toya a question pertaining to the very illness that failed spectacularly at taking me down!"

"Why do you talk like that," Akito asks.

At the same time: "A question? Of me?" Toya frowns lightly. "What about?"

Tsukasa ignores Akito with much grace and restraint. "Ah, I was just curious about when Rui asked you to come visit me in the hospital."

He says it casually, easily, watching Toya's reaction like a hawk. He had done some further thinking (not of the over variety!) last night, and come to the conclusion that if Toya was being sneaky, then Tsukasa would have to be at least a little sneaky in return. Unless he wasn't being sneaky at all. Then Tsukasa would just look silly, but it was a risk he had to take, and it looks like—

Toya's eyebrows raise slightly. "Oh, he told you about that? That's odd. He told me not to say anything."

"I KNEW IT!!!" Tsukasa shrieks, causing nearby students to outright glare and Akito to inexplicably cover his face.

Toya just blinks, helplessly confused. "I'm sorry?"

"I'm sorry, Toya!" Tsukasa bows deeply, clasping his hands in front of him. "I'm afraid I tricked you!! He didn't tell me anything! I was trying to bait an answer out of you!"

...Belatedly, he realizes revealing his hand now means he's probably not getting any more information.

"Oh." Toya's shoulders relax. "As expected of Tsukasa-senpai...you're quite clever."

"Thank you! ...No, wait!" Tsukasa shakes his head of any distractions. "It was a bit underhanded of me, so I apologize for that, but I had a feeling there was something orchestrated, and I really am curious about it!"

Toya gives him a soft smile. "No worries, Tsukasa-senpai. It's nothing bad, so I don't mind telling you."

He goes to continue, but Akito interrupts them. "Can it wait? We're gonna be late for class."

"Ah!" Tsukasa gasps, checking the time. "You're right! Thank goodness you're here to keep us punctual!"

Akito squints. "You making fun of me?"

"Akito," Toya says in a warning tone. He sighs, and turns back to Tsukasa with a smile. "I can tell you at lunch?"

Akito's attention snaps to Toya at that. "Hey—wait, but at lunch we—"

"Yes, that'd work wonderfully!" Tsukasa accepts brightly. "Now, we must head to class! Farewell! I will see you at lunch, Toya!"

He takes off.

"...At lunch we hang out," Akito mutters petulantly.

Toya gives him a consoling pat on the shoulder.

Tsukasa meets Toya at the courtyard when the time rolls around.

It's a nice sunny day out. Tsukasa lays out a thin, unfolded hankerchief for them to perch on, lest they risk sitting on the ground.

"Kamishiro-senpai reached out to me asking me to come visit you at the hospital," Toya begins, unwrapping his lunch. Tsukasa listens, removing the lid of his bento and setting it aside. "I was already planning to, of course, but he said he had something in mind, and sent me...hold on, let me see if I can find it..."

Tsukasa watches curiously as Toya flicks through his messaging app. It only takes a moment for Toya to find what he's looking for—his message history with Rui appears to be pretty short.

"Here," Toya says, and inexplicably hands over a color-coded spreadsheet.

Tsukasa takes the phone and squints at the screen. It looks like some kind of time table? There's a list of hours, and each cell has a color. He sees purple, pink, green, blue...

"It's a schedule," Toya adds after a beat. At the same time, Tsukasa notices a key in the corner of the spreadsheet, assigning the colors to names. 

Tsukasa stares.

"Rui scheduled shifts for people to come visit me?"

A couple of birds fly out from the nearest tree. Oops. He may have spoken a tad louder than intended.

Toya says something, but Tsukasa's eyes are glued to the screen. He feels a hot flush spread through his whole body, centered on his face.

Only a few hours on the entire schedule are grayed out. Almost every single one has a person assigned to it.

"Tsukasa-senpai?"

Tsukasa starts. "Ah! Sorry—here, your phone." Tsukasa hands it back, hoping that's what Toya was asking for.

Toya takes it with a bemused expression that suggests it wasn't. "Kamishiro-senpai told me to not mention it during the visit, but didn't swear me to secrecy or anything, so I assumed it wasn't a big deal...I'm sorry, should I not have...?"

"No, no, no!" Tsukasa waves his hands frantically. "Sorry, I was just amazed! I'm truly lucky to have friends that care so deeply for me!" He wipes his eyes. It gives him a good excuse to look away from Toya and his phone.

"I'm glad you have such good friends looking out for you, Tsukasa-senpai." Toya's voice is warm enough that Tsukasa can hear the smile without having to look. 

"Aha...funny enough, Saki said the same thing," he says, managing to look back and smile at Toya. The warm spring weather suddenly feels much too hot.

Saki and Toya said the same thing because it's true. It is nice that he has people willing to take care of him. There's just something up with him that makes it feel so— so—

"It's just a bit embarrassing, is all," Tsukasa says, wearing a sheepish grin.

"Ah, I think that's why Kamishiro-senpai didn't want me to tell," Toya admits. "But, I don't think it's embarrassing at all."

"Of course," Tsukasa says. "Thank you for telling me! My curiosity has been completely satisfied!"

Toya's smile widens, happy to be of help, and Tsukasa lets that give him the strength to finish eating.

It's hubris, is what it is, humanity's fatal flaw.

It's in a million plays from even the oldest civilizations! The nail in the coffin of protagonists from shows worldwide! And yet Tsukasa believed he'd be satisfied with just that, with Toya's account and nothing else.

No, of course he'd want more. Of course he'd only want to get even closer to the sun. Because it just doesn't make sense— yes, his friends are kind, and they are caring, and Rui is good at making schedules and things, but Tsukasa can't imagine how he got from the Point A of "my friend is a bit under the weather" to the Point B of "he needs people in scheduled shifts to look after him". 

Tsukasa wracks his brain trying to remember his time in the hospital. He knows he was fairly sick, but not that bad—he was only hospitalized because they were unsure if his illness was the dire sort. And it wasn't! He came out of it just fine!

But he does remember that Rui had been there when he woke up. On a school morning. Not making eye contact, saying your parents couldn't be here, so... while fidgeting with his hands. 

Would Tsukasa do the same if Rui was sick? Or would he just fall back on old habits—tell him to get well soon, crack a few jokes to try and lighten the mood, then go back home to stress out about it for days on end?

And he remembers Emu had been there, even when he'd been dead asleep, there just to do her homework. And Nene...

He doesn't remember Nene visting.

But she had, hadn't she? Toya said that she'd visited. That she'd said he was delirious, and Tsukasa replied that he didn't remember at all.

A pit of dread opens in Tsukasa's stomach.

"Good work." Tsukasa's head snaps up, startled by the sudden voice right next to his ear. It's Rui, looking not at him but rather at Emu and Nene up on stage. Right, they're fixing some of the choreo in one of their solo scenes, and Tsukasa had taken a seat next to Rui in the meantime. "Nene, if you could cheat out a bit and move downstage...? Hm, no, stay where you are. Yes, that's good."

Rui takes scribbly notes in his script, wholly focused. Tsukasa can't say the same—his fists are tight where they're placed on his knees, and he's aware of the beat of his own heart.

If he didn't remember Nene visting, and he didn't remember being brought to the hospital at all...

Was there more he could be forgetting?

"Tsukasa-kun?"

He snaps to attention, meeting Rui's gaze. "Yes? Sorry, I must have gotten distracted!"

Rui frowns at him for a moment. "I wanted to run over your monologue in the second act now that some of the setpieces are coming along."

Tsukasa quickly stands with a bright smile. All this thinking isn't helping the perpetual headache.

He takes his spot center stage, marked with a piece of tape invisible from the audience view. He takes a deep breath, and empties his mind. There's no place for distraction or doubt or hubris on the stage.

He begins his monologue as rehearsed; falsely calm, tightly controlled. The prince trying not to lose his resolve in the face of the hardships he's faced. He brings out a palm and recites his first few lines. Pulls his hand back in a fist, tight over his heart, and allows the prince's simmering, hopeless rage to leak into his voice.

It's a struggle, timing the slow boil of his emotions so that when the scene comes to its climax, it feels only natural for the pot to bubble over as the protagonist finally howls in his rage. The main reason for Rui stopping this monologue partway through is because he pours out too much frustration too early, so he tries to let it out, slowly, slowly—

A sharp pain behind his right eye.

He stutters in a breath. Closes his eyes. Continues his lines—it can be taken for the protagonist trying to contain his emotion. He can keep going.

"Tsukasa-kun."

His mouth snaps shut, and he's frustrated before Rui even speaks.

"Remember you drift to stage left here," Rui says, gesturing to the desk prop that has been recently been set up. 

"Yes, sorry," Tsukasa replies, clipped. Before anyone can stop him, he continues the monologue where he left off, taking short, calculated steps over to the desk. He stands over the short table, and recites his next line.

And his next.

And then he's blanking. Again.

There's a few seconds of agonizing, terrible silence as Tsukasa tries to think past the fog his headache has suddenly brought on. The prince's frustration snaps like lightning under his skin.

"Tsukasa-kun," Rui repeats, softer, concerned. That same hot flush from when he was speaking to Toya earlier spreads over his skin.

"I'm fine," Tsukasa gets out. He makes the mistake of touching a hand to his temple. "Just—just give me a second."

"Is your head bothering you again?" This time it's Nene's voice, gentle in a way Nene never is.

"We can take a break again if you need!" Emu pipes up.

"I don't—" the thunder claps. "I don't need a break!"

The troupe falls silent as his yell rings out. He immediately snaps his mouth shut, pinches the bridge of his nose, and turns his head away.

Because he knows what this is. The heat over his skin, the electricity, the sour taste, all the things that make him snap like a taut rubber band. Why wouldn't he know? This is the third time it's happened.

He fell and got hurt during their Halloween show, and the same feelings went into his argument with Rui. He remembers the way Emu turned to him, eyes wide in realization, as she asked him are you not mad at Rui-kun, but yourself?

"I don't..." he starts, making a marked effort to bring his voice down. "I don't need to be looked after."

It's shame, what he can't stand more than anything else. What sent him flying off the rails at Nene and at Rui and very nearly again now. 

The rest of his team was looking at him when he wasn't looking at them back. 

They saw him, even when he didn't know he was being seen.

Inexplicably, unreasonably, he is ashamed.

"Tsukasa-kun." Rui's voice is measured, although Tsukasa doesn't turn to see what expression he has as he says it. "What's going on?"

"It's really stupid," Tsukasa mutters. 

There's another silence.

"Come here?"

Tsukasa looks up, hesitantly, and sees Emu raising a hand out to him. When they make eye contact, she waves in a get down here! gesture.

He listens. He sits down and scoots himself off the stage and onto the ground; he makes an exception to his always using the stairs rule, and touches down on dirt and grass.

He shuffles forward to the bench they're all sitting on. It feels weird to be standing over them while they all face him, but if he sat down it would probably feel even more like an interrogation.

"So what's this 'really stupid' thing?" Nene asks first.

Tsukasa takes a breath, and meets Rui's eyes. "Toya told me today about how you guys set up shifts so I wouldn't be alone in the hospital."

A beat. Emu and Nene subtly glance at Rui. 

"Which—is really nice of you. There were a lot of hours. I wanted to thank you." Tsukasa glances down at his hands, picking at his costume's sleeves.

"But there's something else," Rui prods, calm.

It takes a few moments, getting his thoughts in order. His troupe waits patiently. "Something must have given you the idea," he finally starts, words coming out in a rush. "I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. Something—happened, that made you think that I couldn't be left alone, or that I had to be looked after, or that something bad was gonna happen—"

"You don't think I just came up with the idea out of the goodness of my heart," Rui finishes.

It sounds somewhat like a challenge. Actually, it sounds like when Rui is helping him with physics homework and Tsukasa just happens to guess the correct multiple-choice answer. A quirked eyebrow and an amused you're right, but tell me how you got to that conclusion.

But this time, Tsukasa isn't completely guessing. "There are...gaps in my memory. And I know I wasn't unconscious for all of them. And it's been bugging me." Tsukasa crosses his arms, and draws himself up straight. "So I want to hear from you guys exactly what happened. Because my memory gets fuzzy from right after I fell down."

Emu and Nene glance at Rui again. 

"...Or at least, what gave you the—the spreadsheet idea," Tsukasa adds, a bit weakly. "You stayed all night, didn't you? I must—I must have done something, or said something—"

"You did," Rui says, quiet.

Tsukasa's mouth snaps shut. He grips his arms tightly.

"I mean, you said something," Rui continues, glancing down at his clasped hands. "Emu and Nene had gone home. And I was going to go too, but I got stuck...thinking."

Tsukasa can only imagine. The last time Tsukasa passed out on stage, it had torn Rui up, enough so that it affected his directing. The image of Rui sitting over his hospital bed and somehow blaming himself makes Tsukasa want to bite down on his tongue as hard as he can.

"Eventually a nurse came up and told me visiting hours would be over soon. So I got ready to go, and when I went towards the door, you..." Rui takes a short breath. "You asked me not to leave."

Tsukasa looks away. Looks down at his shoes. It burns.

"I don't remember that," he manages to get out. "I was—they were giving me pain medication and stuff. I had a high fever. I wasn't thinking."

It wasn't me, he wants to say. To plead. Don't look at me like that.

"I know." Rui's tone is hard to read, but Tsukasa can't get himself to look him in the face just yet. "It's why I didn't say anything to you. You were vulnerable. Against your will, it seems."

Something about that snags. He doesn't have time to think about it, though; Rui keeps going.

"You asked me not to go. Asked me to stay next to you." His breath catches for a moment. Tsukasa glances back at him, and finds his eyebrows furrowed, hand half-raised like he's fully immersed in the memory. "Then you kind of...moved your hand out like this...and said you didn't want to be alone."

That wasn't me. He can't even picture it. How his voice would sound saying something like that. He tries to, and all he hears is a child. 

"I knew right away that you weren't all there. That it was from the illness, the pain, or the medication—maybe just sleep talk. But you were asking, Tsukasa-kun." Rui gives him a rueful smile. "I couldn't refuse."

"I wouldn't have even remembered it," Tsukasa insists. "You didn't—you didn't have to—"

"You don't like it," Nene suddenly says. Tsukasa blinks, turning towards her. "Why not?"

"No, no!" Tsukasa shakes his head, waving his hands. "It was truly, really kind—and I don't remember everything, but I remember Emu came and gave me a heating pad, and Rui was there even when I was—sick and pretty gross. And that," Tsukasa winces at the heat that fills his whole chest, that feels like it may spill out his eyes. "It was nice."

"You liked us being there?" Emu asks. "Then, does Tsukasa-kun not like that we hid it from him?"

"No, I—I understand why—" he shakes his head again, frustrated.

"Is it because we saw you vulnerable?" Rui's voice is quiet, and he looks at the ground as he says it. There's almost a note of trepidation in his voice.

"No," Tsukasa repeats, quieter. Rui looks up, startled. "No, I wouldn't ever be ashamed of being vulnerable in front of you all. You're my best friends. It's that..."

Tsukasa tries to gather up the heat in his hands, the fire in his chest and the pressure behind his eyes, alongside the memory of someone's hand in his and the feeling of his hair being touched.

"...You saw me, when I wasn't there to show you," he finally manages. 

He wasn't particularly starved for contact. He grew up in a family that gave hugs and ruffled heads freely. But that was exactly it—he'd grown up. And big brothers don't sleep in their parent's bed. And troupe leaders don't cling to hugs. And stars don't ask their director to hold their hand and stay by their side.

Playgrounds, merry-go-rounds, the feeling of someone holding his hair back—these are all things to be outgrown. Someone's hand in his is a favor he just can't ask for, not when there's examples to be set and illnesses that spread.

"Maybe, someday, I'd be able to ask for stuff like that," he continues. "But I don't want it to come at the expense of causing trouble for you, or being looked down on."

The three of them immediately start to object to that, but Tsukasa keeps going. "I know you guys wouldn't. But it's just...it's a fact that I never got really... spoiled when I was sick as a kid, and I can't stand the thought of being pitied for it."

He finally stops, swallowing, trying to ignore how bare he feels. He told them he wasn't ashamed of vulnerability, so he won't be.

"It's not pity, Tsukasa-kun!" Emu is the first to respond, shaking her head vigorously. "I was really happy when I held your hand, and you smiled a little. Well, you were half asleep, so you might not remember. But Tsukasa-kun's face was all squished like a lemon because he was hurting. And I already feel alllll this love and wanted to put it somewhere, so I held your hand, and your face went calm. The only trouble would be if I couldn't help at all—if I knew you wanted someone there, and no one was!"

"I'm not one for hugs or things like that," Nene mumbles, cheeks pink as she picks at her skirt. "But I was singing...and you stopped mumbling in your sleep, so I thought maybe it helped. And singing is normal for me, so it wasn't a big deal. I didn't feel burdened or anything like that."

"Tsukasa-kun is our dear troupe leader." Rui stands up, meeting Tsukasa's gaze. "And it would go against our very creed as Wonderlands x Showtime to cut corners in making someone smile, wouldn't it?"

Ah, Tsukasa doesn't really stand a chance. The heat finally spills from his eyes with a choked sniffle. He brings up an arm, hand in a fist, to hide his face—and is immediately caught off guard by Emu barreling into his stomach, wrapping him in a tight hug.

Rui steps forward, arms out a bit—but he seems nervous to dive in like Emu does, so Tsukasa just takes his arm and pulls him in.

The invitation makes Rui immediately relax. Tsukasa's distantly aware of Emu asking Nene to join—and to his surprise, she does, or at least he thinks she does since he does feel more contact. She could just be resting a hand on his shoulder or something, but he appreciates it all the same.

"I'm sorry it wasn't on your own terms," Rui says, his voice coming out muffled against Tsukasa's hair. "But I'm not sorry for everything else."

"Me neither," Tsukasa mumbles, burying his face against Rui's shoulder. "Don't worry. It...it all did make me feel better. Still a little embarrassing, though."

"Gotta keep doing this til it's not embarrassing at all!" Emu declares, and squeezes him even tighter.

"AGHK—"

Thankfully, she lets him breathe again a short moment afterwards, saying it was just a "squeeze for emphasis". Nene huffs out something about not killing him, and Rui wonders aloud if squeezing Tsukasa could have the therapeutic effects of a stress ball, which is so absurd that Tsukasa breaks apart the hug to just stare at him before asking that they invest in actual stress balls lest he dies.

Like everything else they do, it's a bit ridiculous, and Tsukasa can only hope Mr. Mascot isn't watching this and reporting back to the Ootori brothers. 

But...

It's one thing to let them take his hands, to let them come close. It's another to pull them in, to take instead of receive.  And as hard as it was...

He balls his fist into Rui's jacket, and, on his own, he tightens the hug.

"Oh..."

They've just finished cleaning up the stage and changed back into their regular clothes. It's not until they meet up at the entrance of the Wonder Stage to walk to the exit of the park together that Tsukasa realizes something with a small gasp.

"What is it?" Nene turns to glance at him, frowning. "Forget something?"

"No," Tsukasa says, nervously. "Well! Not something physical. Hm. I just realized...if I'm going to try and be more open with you all...did I ever tell you exactly what the doctor told me? About recovering and stuff?"

Rui zeroes in on him with narrowed eyes. "You said there was little to none."

"Aha. I did, didn't I." Tsukasa fishes out his phone and pulls up the notes from his doctor's visit. "Maybe, ah, you'd just...want to glance over these..."

Rui takes the phone, squinting at it. Emu and Nene crowd at his sides, Emu on her tiptoes to see the screen.

There's a few minutes of quiet.

Rui looks back up at Tsukasa. "Tsukasa-kun."

Tsukasa does not flinch. 

"On second thought, maybe we should walk Tsukasa home." Nene looks away from the screen and pulls out her own phone. "Since he's so hopeless."

"Hey—!"

"We can have a sleepover! And lay out a biiiiiiiig futon so we can all be together if Tsukasa-kun wakes up in the middle of the night!" Emu jumps up and down, eyes sparkling.

"Don't invite yourself to my house—"

"And perhaps I can check up on the schoolwork that's been piling up?" Rui says with his signature catlike smirk.

"That—! ...Well, that would be a big help, but—how do you even know about that?!" Tsukasa shakes his head, sighing heatedly. "Besides! Wouldn't it be too much bother?! It's so last minute!"

"Bother?!" Emu seems appalled at the very thought. "We get to be in Tsukasa-kun and Saki-chan's house and vault off your loft down to the living room and you think that's a bother?!"

Tsukasa might explode. "DO NOT DO THAT?!?!"

"Yes, you might break the furniture," Rui adds— OR YOUR LEGS?! Tsukasa shrieks, which goes ignored— with a forlorn shake of his head. "I'm sure we can think of plenty of other ways to entertain ourselves. Right?"

He turns that blithe smile onto Tsukasa, and...well, Tsukasa knows not to trust offers that sound too good to be true. 

"Maybe we can try climbing out Tsukasa-kun's skylight," Emu muses.

...But this doesn't count, surely?

Nene turns to him expectantly. Emu is practically vibrating with excitement. Rui laughs, and holds out a hand.

Tsukasa sighs, giving his friends a rueful smile.

"No jumping off the loft," is his only condition.

He takes Rui's hand, and swims along the tide.