Chapter Text
Shampoo sat, curled up in the small tent, anxious purrs rumbling from her chest.
How was she supposed do this? Hard enough to seduce a Zhòuquánxiāng blessed when she knew nothing about her, but now it turned out the girl was terrified of Shampoo's cursed form. Worse, she seemed to think her own spring-given form was a curse instead of a blessing, and resented the tribe for it.
A rustling of the tent flaps and subtle sloshing indicated that the hot water was ready for her to change back.
"Surely to saving some to me," an accompanying voice said in heavily garbled Mandarin. Honestly, how Ranma managed to get this deep into China with Mandarin that bad she wasn't sure.
Shampoo poured some of the contents of the pot onto herself with a sigh. Curse it might be, but she had to admit that her Zhòuquánxiāng form felt... nice. Her original height, as useful as it was for combat, carried with it a tinge of discomfort, and she definitely missed being so plump. Even the purring, strange as it was, was comforting, and its sudden ceasing set her teeth on edge.
『Can go inside now,』 she said in Japanese that she hoped was a bit better than Ranma's Mandarin. She'd slacked on her Japanese studies, thinking she'd never need it, but here it was turning out to be the most important language she knew. 『Shampoo not cat.』
The person who entered the tent, however, was not the tiny foxgirl she expected, but instead a large black pig (well, not large for a pig, she supposed. Pigs were huge.) that stood on its hind legs in a way that she knew was typical of highly cursed people, even if she'd never seen one herself.
She hissed at it, following up with "Who are you?! What are you doing in here?!"
『Shampoo-san, it's me!』 the stranger cried, followed by a string of rapid Japanese she had no hope of understanding.
『Who. Is. You,』 she demanded again, hoping they would catch on and speak slower. She punctuated it with another hiss, for good measure.
"Me is Ranma," the pig said in Mandarin no better than Ranma's. "See, clock," they continued, pouring the remaining contents of the pot over themself to reveal a boy who, certainly, looked almost exactly like Ranma. But...
『Ranma ...』 "blessed" 『girl. Not』 "cursed pig." 『You... twin,』 she said in a mix of languages, cursing her lack of proficiency in Japanese.
『No, I... gah,』 Ranma's twin cried. Suddenly shrinking in on himself, he continued in a voice pitched higher, "I can prove it."
He stepped backwards out of the tent and the rain changed him, not into a bipedal pig, but into... Ranma...??
『But... but... not possible,』 Shampoo stammered, her mind feeling like an egg dropped on a rock. "No one can have two Zhòuquánxiāng forms! How..."
Ranma stepped back into the tent, her ears flicking off the excess water. 『Do I tell her...?』 she mumbled.
『She's ??? figure it out anyway,』 Ranma... replied(??), pitching her voice deeper. 『??? tell her now so ??? us alone.』
『???, but you're right about ???,』 she said in her natural voice. 『??? now.』 Taking a deep breath, she turned to Shampoo. "I... am not Ranma. Not really. My name is Tsubasa. Pig is Ryoga."
『Shampoo not understands.』
Tsubasa giggled. "Twins was right? But with one body. Not two."
Shampoo pondered that, her head tilting unconsciously. It seemed like a strange state of affairs, but she'd heard of stranger.
It certainly made more sense than someone having two Zhòuquánxiāng forms.
『So... Tsubasa is』 "fox" 『girl.』
"You can speak Mandarin. I understand most," Tsubasa told her.
Shampoo blinked as she realized that Tsubasa had indeed been speaking much more intelligibly than she'd known 'Ranma' to.
"You're the fox girl. And the pig is... Ryoga, you said?"
Tsubasa nodded.
"And... which of you is Ranma?"
"None of us? All of us?" Tsubasa waffled. "It is... hard to explaining."
Shampoo shrugged. She would figure it out eventually, she supposed. If it even mattered.
Her head tilted again as she realized something. "Ryoga is... not a girl, is he?"
"Big no!" Tsubasa yelled. "Am man of man!"
Or... no, Ryoga yelled that, didn't he? This would take some getting used to.
『Is what?』 Shampoo asked.
Ryoga giggled—no, Tsubasa giggled. "He means 'man among men'." She looked down with a frown. "I'm not girl either. Too bad."
Well, that wasn't true at all. But Shampoo would have plenty of time to convince her otherwise, along with convincing her to marry her. At least, as long as... "It's okay if I travel with you, right?"
"Seems okay," Tsubasa replied. "Can help find dad."
Shampoo made a face. She'd really rather not deal with their awful, ultra-cursed, tournament-ruining father.
But... if that was what it took to get on their good side.
"Fine."
Shampoo growled as Ryoga made the fifth wrong turn in as many minutes. 『How you is so bad at this, Ryoga??』
『Ryoga-san,』he reminded her.
Ugh. Stupid Japanese. The honorifics were the hardest part of Mandarin, and now she had to learn another whole set?
Actually, no. 『You is lost boy now.』 She didn't have to worry about honorifics if she didn't use people's names, just like she didn't have to worry about which "I" to use if she used her name.
『Now stop be so lost. Hard enough to find place always.』
Ranma's—as they eventually agreed to use as a collective name for the two of them—father had apparently been terrorizing a shop owner in the area, but the place was like a maze of winding streets.
It didn't help that they were in the middle of Japantown and the only one of them who spoke Japanese fluently was lost boy.
『Shampoo thinks is this one?』 Shampoo said of an unassuming door with a crooked sign on it.
Ryoga, of course, immediately started heading towards the opposite side of the street. Shampoo halted him with a sharp whistle.
『Lost boy! This one,』 she clarified with a knock on the door.
To her surprise, the door opened before Ryoga got back to her, a disheveled middle-aged man behind it. 『What do you want?』 he demanded.
『Pardon, we were looking for information about ???...』 Ryoga began.
The conversation quickly getting beyond her, Shampoo asked, 『Excuse, do you have...』"phone?"
『A phone?』 the man asked peevishly. (Right, that was the word.) 『Sure, there's one in the back, help yourself, kid.』
『Shampoo thanks.』
It wasn't hard to find, and though Shampoo was surprised to see buttons instead of a dial, it was obvious enough how they worked. Keying in the one and only phone number she knew—that of her village's town hall—she prayed that someone would be inside to hear it ringing.
Luck was on her side, and after four rings she heard a voice: "Ah, hello? Who is this?"
Oh, it was so nice to hear her language. She hadn't realized how much all the Mandarin and Japanese was wearing on her. "It's Shampoo! Ah... who are you?" She didn't recognize the voice, which was weird, but maybe it was something to do with the phone? This was only the second phone conversation she'd had.
"Oh, Shānpú! It's Púlánmù!" That confirmed that it was the phone, then; she should recognize Púlánmù, of all people. "How are things going out there?"
"Not great. I need to ask Kělún for advice, actually. How's your father?"
"He's recovering. The venom is almost out of his system, so he should be able to bathe soon. What do you need advice on? Maybe I can help?"
That was Púlánmù, always trying to help. Shampoo loved her for it, but, "It's a bit private. I probably shouldn't tell more people than I have to. Sorry about his injury, by the way."
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault, the elders just wanted someone to blame, and the cursed girl was convenient."
"I'm not sure I believe that, but thank you for saying so," Shampoo told her friend. "Anyway, Kělún?"
"Right, right, I'll go get her. One minute."
As she waited, she watched idly; Ryoga (she assumed; could be Tsubasa now) was now helping clean the shop as he (or she) talked with the owner. She didn't care enough to try and figure out if it was still about their father, or simply idle conversation.
"Ahh, hello, great-granddaughter I understand?" the phone rasped suddenly.
"Yes, great-grandmother, I need help! Ranma is, is..."
"Slow down, kiddo. Who's Ranma?"
Oh, right. She was getting ahead of herself. "The blessed you sent me to bring into the tribe. Except, they're actually two people! And one of them is a cursed boy! How am I supposed to convince him to marry me?"
"Hm!" Kělún made a pleased sound. "Oh, child. Boys are easy. Just suck his dick and he'll be putty in your hands!"
Do what?! Gross. "... Are you sure?" Shampoo asked hesitantly.
Kělún cackled. "Very sure! You don't get to be my age without learning a thing or two about men!"
"Well, if you say so." Kělún did know best, after all.
"Although... you said he's cursed? Maybe it's better to remove him from the equation, then. I can get you a mind cage, if you can get to Yàocài."
("Where's that?" Akane asked.
"Oh, next town over from home," Shampoo answered.)
A mind cage? That didn't seem better. "He's not an oni, though?"
"Don't you worry about that. It works perfectly well on humans, too."
Shampoo didn't want to know why Kělún knew that. "Okay, I'll give you a call if I make it over there."
"See that you do!" Kělún cackled. "And keep working on that blessed. We'll make a woman of you yet!"
"Yes, great-grandmother," Shampoo replied. "Okay, I think Ranma is almost done"—they weren't, as far as she could tell—"so I should be going, bai bai~"
"Be seeing you," Kělún chuckled.
There was a bit of noise through the line as Kělún fumbled to hang up. When she finally did, Shampoo finally relaxed. She knew Kělún was the oldest and wisest and most blessed of the elders, and therefore was always right, but something about talking to her always made Shampoo tense up.
After a couple deep breaths, she forced a smile on her face. 『So! What needs does?』
Several weeks later, Shampoo was once again waiting in a tent as Ryoga boiled water.
She was starting to get impatient. Not for the water, but for progress. While she'd become decent friends with both of Ranma, she didn't feel she was getting any closer to marriage.
Plus, they were getting closer to actually finding Ranma's awful father, and that couldn't lead to anything good.
Maybe it was time to try... that.
She shuddered.
But, she also stripped down to her underwear. (That helped with seducing, right?)
And after Ryoga dropped off her kettle (they had purchased two shortly after realizing how important hot water was going to be), she arranged herself into a sexy pose. (She thought. She didn't really understand what made a pose sexy.)
『Come in,』 she purred. (Not literally. That would have been much more enjoyable.)
Ryoga entered the tent... and immediately got a nosebleed and turned away from her. 『Wh- Shampoo, why are you naked?!』
『You no like?』 Shampoo asked, trying with all her might to keep her voice smooth. 『Shampoo like you.』
『I– Shampoo, I don't want this!』
『But Shampoo wants,』 Shampoo lied. 『Shampoo wants suck you...』 she didn't know the word, so she just gestured to his crotch. 『Shampoo hears all men like.』
『A-all men?』 Ryoga repeated dazedly. 『I... I'm a man among men... so... I'll like it...』
『Shampoo promises,』Shampoo promised.
Hesitantly, Ryoga poured his own kettle over himself, then began untying his pants–
"Are you okay?" Akane asked. "You're starting to look sick. –I mean, more sick than you already were."
"Shampoo... hates remembers such vile act," Shampoo supplied weakly.
"You can stop," Konatsu replied, pity in her voice. "We understand what happened—you do, too, right?" she asked Akane, receiving a disgusted expression and a nod. "We don't need the gory details."
"Thank you," Shampoo said, voice shaky. Then, with more resolve, she continued, "But, you need hear what happened after."
Shampoo lay on her sleeping bag, staring through the roof of the tent and into her thoughts.
That... was supposed to be enjoyable, right? That was what the other girls said. Or the times it wasn't enjoyable, at least fulfilling. Satisfying.
So why did she just feel empty inside?
Strong, comforting arms wrapped around her, and she felt a distant rumbling rise from her chest. She hadn't realized she'd retained her ability to purr, this time.
"Shampoo? Why are you crying?"
She was crying? She reached up to her face. There were tears. She was crying.
『Shampoo... not knows...』
Except maybe she did. Maybe she knew she was crying because she was a broken person, a woman who couldn't stand to please her man, a warrior who didn't want to hurt anyone, a fool who got cursed and liked it, an objectively bad person that didn't know what was wrong with her.
But she didn't know how to put any of that into words. So she just cuddled up to her bedmate and cried more.
"Hey, you don't need to cry. You've got a great boyfriend now! I'll protect you!"
That just made her cry harder. She shouldn't need protecting! She was a warrior!
And if having Ryoga as a boyfriend brought her one step closer to–
Wait. That... wasn't Ryoga. "Tsubasa...?" she asked hesitantly.
"No? It's Ryoga," her new boyfriend replied.
"If you're Ryoga, then why is your Mandarin suddenly so good?" she asked suspiciously.
"What do you mean? Aren't we speaking Japanese?"
She stared at the mystery person in Ranma's body. 『No, this Japanese.』
『But... can barely understands...』 The person's eyes went wide. 『Who is I...?』
Whoever was in her arms stiffened up, and then said, "Shampoo?"
"Hmm?"
『Why did you do that to us?』
『Lost boy?』 she asked.
『Maybe?』 he said, sounding more lost than she'd ever heard him. 『I mean. Yes, it's me, but... you said all men like that...?』
『That... what great-grandmother says. She says, 'Shampoo, suck that boy...』 she still didn't know the word, and had to resort to crude gesturing, 『'and he marries you for sure.'』
『M-marry?!』 Ryoga yelped.
She cringed. 『...to go home, Shampoo needs marries blessed.』
『Is that the whole reason you've been traveling with us?』Ryoga demanded, getting louder as he went. 『Is that the reason you've been being nice to us?! Being our 「friend」!?!』
Shampoo felt paralyzed—she couldn't answer—
—but apparently her silence was answer enough.
『Leave,』 Ryoga said, turning away from her.
『What?』
『I said leave!』 he shouted. 『Get out! I never want to see you again!!』
Shampoo was crying again, she knew she was, but she couldn't feel it.
She couldn't feel anything.
Silently, she packed up her things and left.