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Chapter Text

"What bullsnot," Shreken snotted, quite snottily. Snotted was not a verb, you say. 

"Oh, snotted innit a verb, is it?" Shreken exclaimed, staring the narrator in the eye (singular). The narrator did not like this; the narrator did not feel comfortable being stared at so intently by an ogre of all things.

"Oh, so ahm a thing now, ah am? Yah noble scum are all the same, anything that's not like yah is a thing ! Yah disgust me. Get oit of me house before ah eat yah."

The narrator would like to point out that this was not his house, and was not even a house, to say; this was but a pile of mud, a mud hut, a shrunken little dwelling, a pile of excrement---

Shreken growled and grabbed the narrator by the throat. 

THE NARRATOR WOULD AGAIN LIKE TO SAY THAT THEY ARE A NEUTRAL OFFICER OF THE COURT AND ARE ONLY HERE TO RECORD EVENTS--

Shreken drew his face closer and closer to the narrator's as slowly as he could. He was so close to the narrator that the narrator felt and smelt a hot puff of putrid air. It smelled like a cat vomiting in hot, sweaty, melting garbage at the municipal dump during a long summer day.

The narrator trembled. Their work was indeed dangerous.

"Ah will eat yah like a banana split sundae, yah dirty little pig shit," Shreken growled seductively.

The narrator squealed and passed out, flopping out of the ogre's grasp and collapsing to the floor. He looked like a shriveled pile of raisins.

Shreken kicked the body as far as he could, launching it into the branches of a large tree. "Disgurstang smell. Smell like asshole."

-----

"someBODY onCE tOLd mE--" the bird chirped outside Shreken's asshole--sorry, his mudhole, as he flew over to the plough.

"da WURLD wAs gOnNa rOlL mE, i aInT dA sHaRpeSt tOoL iN dA sHed," the plough sang. 

"Ya goin tah be dah deadest tool in dah shed if ya continue like this, ya wee lill cunt."

It was now quiet, but Shreken still heard something. What was it? What was that?

"Somebody is trespassin' in MA SWAMP!" he howled, charging in the direction of the sound.

His amazing girth was stopped in its tracks by a large and beautiful piece of ass; it was a large brown bear with purple hair extensions in a ponytail. He carried a very large stick he presumably used to hit people with. 

"Excuse you," the bear said, "That was very rude."

"WHAT ARE YAH DOING IN MA SWAMP?" 

The bear raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Your swamp? Does nature not belong to us all?"

"Listen, yah pussy kicking cock sucking matherfecking son of a bitch, me name is on the contract!" 

"TAKEO, TAKEO, HELP!"

Shreken was interrupted from getting completely Wrecked, both sexually and physically, by the arrival of a weird looking donkey...thing with a black bowl cut on his head, growing out like a bunch of mushrooms on a rainy day.

"What is it now, Tao?"

"EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY, PLEASE, I'M DYING!" The donkey named Tao wailed.

"If you're screaming like that, you're not dying."

"I AM! I ATE….I ATE….A MUSHROOM !"

"Well, there's nothing to be done then. We had a great friendship, but this is where it must end."

"NO TAKEO, PLEEEEEASE! HELP ME!" 

"Alright. I'm doing this because I love you," the bear-man named Takeo sighed.

He took a deep breath, expanding his already very large and voluminous chest cavity (inhabited by his tiddies) and punched Taonkey hard in the stomach. The force threw Taonkey into a tree.

"THANK YOU TAKEO," Taonkey wheezed. 

"What da fek is going on here!"

"You wouldn't understand. Ogres don't have friends."

"Ya lil shite, GET THE FECK OIT ME SWAMP!" 

"Your swamp?" A fairy asked as they fluttered past. "Who would want to own a swamp? Nature belongs to us all."

"Feckin mosquito! Ah will crush ya ah will!" Shreken swatted at her uselessly.

"You're far too fat and hairy," the fairy giggled. 

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YAH BEING IN ME SWAMP?"

"For the last time, no one is in your swamp. The swamp is public property."

"SAYS WHO?"

"Previous Lord!" Taonkey said, excitedly. He had largely recovered from breaking three of his ribs and his large concussion from the tree.

"Who's the current lord?" 

"That's his name," the fairy giggled again.

"His name is Previous Lord?"

"Yes, that is indeed what I said."

"Well, it's a wee bit strange, innit? He's the Previous Lord, not the Current Lord?"

"He's both," Taonkey chirped. 

"And where does this Previous but Current Lord live?" 

"He lives--"

"WELCOME TO DULOC SUCH A PERFECT TOWN HERE WE HAVE SOME RULES LET US LAY THEM DOWN PLEASE STAY IN LINE FOLLOW THE RULES AND YOU'LL BE FINE DULOC IS A PERFECT PLACE WASH YOUR HANDS WIPE YOUR --- FACE," Taonkey screamed.

"DULOC IS--" Taonkey passed the fake megahorn to Takeo.

"Duloc is," Takeo sighed.

"DULOC IS," the fairy yelled.

"YEAH! THANKS LUNARK! DULOC IS A PERFECT PLAAAAACE," Taonkey finished by doing a split.

He then waited expectantly for applause.

"My arms are too small," Lunark said as she tried to clap her hands together, but made no noise.

"I'm not clapping for you," Takeo said.

"Why not? It was a great performance!"

"It only encourages you."

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHERE DULOC IS?"

"Can't you just do a little spell and get a map?" Lunark asked, looking at Shreken skeptically.

"Do a what?"

"A spell. Clap your hands and stomp your feet and ye shall be wherever ye wish."

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" Taonkey gasped.

"I'm not participating in yah witchcraft and ah hope yah burn at the stake. Yah a liar, a thief, and a devil worshiper. Ah will walk," Shreken huffed, as he turned away.

"AND DON'T TOUCH ME SWAMP!" he yelled back at them.

"It's not your swamp, it's everyone's swamp!" Lunark yelled. 

Unbeknownst to Shreken, Taonkey decided to come with him, excited for the prospect of a sightseeing vacation. 

Takeo reluctantly followed as well, concerned that Taonkey would hurt himself (as he usually did). 

Lunark also followed. Her passion in life was tormenting men, and she enjoyed her work; Shreken would be a very lucrative and enjoyable target.

"STOP FOLLOWING ME!" Shreken howled.

"You told us to "git out me swamp!'" Lunark said, mocking him.

"GIT OIT ME SWAMP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"But we're having so much fun!" Taonkey pouted.

"NO, NO WE'RE NOT. I WILL CRUSH YAH BONES AND EAT YAH INTESTINES."

"Sounds fun to me. Takeo, what do you think?" Lunark asked.

"You don't even know where you're going. Let's all go to Duloc, negotiate with the Previous Lord, and then part as friends." 

"AH AM NOT FRIENDS WITH THE LIKE OF YAH!"

"You can't stop me from going to Duloc on the public roads, or do you own those too?"

Shreken growled.

And such began our heroes' quest. Will the unusual accompaniment of a donkey, a bear man, a fairy, and an ogre lead to camaraderie and success, or will it end as the greatest showing of vore this century has so far seen?

Chapter Text

The Previous (but Current) Lord strode into the interrogation dungeon, where Muzaka was tied to a metal slab to await his arrival. He motioned to one of the guards to remove the burlap sack from the man's head. The sack was ripped off, and Muzaka thrown into sudden brightness. 

"My my, if it isn't Lord Muzaka. What are you doing at this lovely establishment on such a fine day?" 

"Let me go," Muzaka growled through gritted teeth, "'efore I rip ya head off. I'm feelin' generous today, so this like is like ya one n' only offer."

"Unfortunately, we both know I can't do that. Not unless you share some information with me."

"I'm nit tellin' a prissy gay peacock owt."

"Tell me where she is, and I'll let you go with minor punishment," the Previous Lord offered.

"'ite me," Muzaka counter offered.

"Tell me where she is," the Previous Lord demanded, slamming his fist on the metal slab. 

Muzaka spat in his face.

"Do you know you're aiding and abetting a criminal?"

"I'm definitely 'edding her, alright. Rawr, if ya knar what I mean," he winked. 

"I can see you won't be cooperative. I was hoping to do this the easy way, but if it is torture you're asking for….I will oblige," the Previous Lord threatened, his eyes narrowing.

"What 'an ya dee to me, ya're a prissy peacock of a lad who spends three hours in the shower weshing his girly long hair n' makin' kissy faces at the mirror while his dick is like so weenie he 'an't even wank off proper," Muzaka snorted derisively. 

"Rosaria," he called, snapping his fingers, "bring me ... The Device ."

The guard named Rosaria saluted and left, presumably to collect The Device.

"Whatever ya try on me winnit work. I've tried petplay, 'ondage play, erotic asphyxiation, whips, canes, electricity, pissplay, whipped cream up the arse n' i've enjoyed it all," he bragged.

Rosaria returned with The Device; it was a round ball made of crystal that flickered and shone in the light of the torches.

"What, are ya goin' to shove that up me fuckin' arse too? i've taken 'igger," he mocked.

"Press the button, Rosaria," the Previous - Current Lord ordered.

Rosaria pressed the button. 

"What---...is like that a squirrel? ha did ya trap a squirrel trapped inside that 'all? ya monster! free them at once!" Muzaka raved and snarled as he fought his bonds to try and save the imprisoned squirrel.

"This globe," the Previous Current Lord explained as he paced around Muzaka, "will show you your greatest desire. A desire so great that it will drive you to insanity with need. I will ask one more time, as I am a merciful lord." He stopped,  bending down so his mouth was at Muzaka's ear, "Where is she?" he whispered.

"I'll never tell ya!” he roared, "I’ll never 'etray her! I dinnit care if she's a witch or a vampire or an alien sex robot, I shagged her, n' that's all that matters to me!"

The Previous Current Lord tsked as he brought himself back to his natural height.

"I suppose this is where we part ways. Remember, only good boys get to chase the squirrels. And you, you've been a very bad boy, Muzaka."

" 'ARK  'ARK 'ARK 'ARK GRRRRR WOOF WOOF 'ARK GRRR RGRRRR GRRGRGRGRGDHASGDFA GRRRRR 'ARK GROWL WOOOF RUFFFFF 'ARK 'ARK WOOOOOO AWOOOOO GRRRRRR," Muzaka thrashed and howled in his restraints. Saliva, under the control of gravity, spread itself all over his face as he thrashed his head back and forth. His canines barred themselves as his face contorted under the mental strain of the crystal ball. 

The Previous Lord and his guards left the room; he did not spare a single glance for the disheveled mess that was now Muzaka. Rosaria, however, looked at him with pity. 

"I love ya, Nova!" was the last that was heard before the doors slammed shut. The sound echoed down the hallway. 

----

"I can't believe we're going to the city! I haven't been there in forever!" Taonkey enthused, stretching the word out into four syllables.

"We were there yesterday. Before we were kicked out by the Previous Lord. Remember?" 

Taonkey paused, his face screwed up in thought. "Hmm, nope, don't remember," he replied. 

"Wow, I didn't know you could think," Lunark teased as she floated alongside them. Shreken stalked behind the trio, determined to not be associated with them, but also not knowing which way Duloc was. 

Taonkey puffed out his chest in pride. "Why, thank you, Miss Lunark! You think pretty well, too!"

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Don't be rude, Takeo. Of course it was."

"If you two are going to fight the entire way to Duloc, I will shut one of you up. Take three guesses who I'll choose."

"Shreken!" Taonkey guessed enthusiastically. 

"Nope, try again!" 

"Hmm….Takeo?" he tried again, hopefully.

"Nope! Wrong again! You have one more try!" 

"....me?"

"Correct! You have won the lottery! Please accept your reward of….Absolutely nothing!" Lunark clapped mockingly.

Taonkey's ears drooped. 

"Don't worry, Taonkey," Takeo said, patting him on the mushroom growing out of his head, "I won't let her beat you up."

"Really?" Taonkey asked hopefully.

"Yes, really."

"Thank you, Takeo," the donkey mushroom hybrid's eyes filled with tears, "you're the best friend I've ever had." 

"I'm the only friend you've ever had."

"But you're the best one."

"That's so sad. I almost feel bad now for making fun of you," Lunark said as she landed on Taonkey's head, "Alright, I've decided. You're part of my clan now. That means we're family, and anyone who hurts my family gets their face ripped off. Sounds good?" 

"Really?" Taonkey asked excitedly.

"Don't make me change my mind." 

"Takeo, now you really are the best friend I've ever--OW." 

"This is hair, huh. Always thought it was a bacterial infection," she mused, tugging on the strands to inspect them, "How did a donkey grow hair, and why a bowl cut of all things?" 

"Excuse you. I'm a magic donkey,"  Taonkey yelled, trying to bat Lunark off his head. 

"If I have to hear any more of this disgusting sappy shite, I will be eating one of ya," Shreken grumbled from the rear. 

"Don't eat me, my mushroom is poisonous!" Taonkey begged.

"He's lying, it's regular hair. Eat him and leave the rest of us alone," Lunark suggested.

"NO IT'S NOT, IT'S VERY VERY VERY POISONOUS!" he shouted, shaking his head wildly in an attempt to dislodge Lunark.

"Yeehaw, little donkey!" Lunark shouted gleefully, riding the strands of hair like a bucking rodeo bronco.

Such ends the first day of our heroes' quest. Who is the criminal Nova Vax, and what has she done? Why is Taonkey a donkey with a bowlcut? Does Lunark have a secret past as a rodeo bullrider? Will Shreken ever get to Duloc?