Archive of Our Own ^beta

Lesson Two:

Don't Be A Show-off!

"Well, you gotta admit, they do look very similar,' said Susie halfway through a mouthful of whatever she'd brought for lunch that day. It looked a bit like a sandwich, but it could just as easily have been a piece of plywood painted to look like a sandwich. The suspicious crunch it gave when she bit into it only seemed to reinforce this notion.

Kris considered this. 'Perhaps. But… well, it was still a bit mean to call them that…'

'What? Didn't you say he liked the nickname?'

'Yeah… but…'

The dragoness snorted, leaning away from the picnic bench the two of them were seated at. 'Then what's there to worry about? We'll probably never see the little weirdo again, so it ain't like it'll ever come up again anyway, is it?'

The human nodded slowly. Susie was probably right – the little guy had friends of his own, after all. And that was good. Kids should hang out with people their own age, it was an important part of growing up and all that.

So when they noticed the small person in the oversized green hoodie sidling up to them, notebook clutched in one hand and lunchbox swinging from the other, it was something of a surprise to both of them.

'Um, hello Kris! H-hello, Susie!' said Falsetto, from somewhere inside his hood, giving them a cheery wave. 'W-would it be alright if I…?'

They turned to look at him and he stopped short, his hand falling limply back to his side, the foolishness of his actions seeming to dawn on him. A small sting of pity hit Kris then, and it seemed that they ought to say something reassuring, or scootch over to give him room, or something. But for whatever reason, they couldn't bring themself to do it. And as the crestfallen boy started to turn away, they found themself at a complete and total loss.

'O… oh, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have… don't worry about it…'

'Hey, Falsei,' Susie called back to him. 'You can join us if you like, we don't bite.'

Kris looked over at Susie, brow creased, wondering whether to tell her off for calling him that name again.

Falsetto looked back over his shoulder, one hazel eye twinkling from out of his dark hood. 'R… really? I can…?'

'Sure thing,' she shrugged. 'Ain't like we got anything better to do. Right Kris?'

'No… I mean, of course,' they replied, finding their voice again. 'Sit anywhere you like.'

And at those words, the little goat gave a small squeal, jumping up and down with excitement. 'Oh, thank you, thank you, Kris! I really wasn't sure if I could… but I'm very glad, so thank you!' Then, almost as if he were embarrassed at such a childish outburst, he stood up straight and still, giving a polite cough, and went on with, 'Um, yes. It's… very kind of you to… th-thanks.'

'Hey, you gonna sit down or what?' said Susie, shooting the child a grin.

'Oh, of course. Thank you.'

And with that, Falsetto walked around to the other side of the bench, hauling himself up on Kris's side with some difficulty. Then, with a great deal of care and attention, he set down his notebook, pencil and lunchbox neatly next to each other, carefully measuring out the distances between them so that they were equal. While this was happening, Susie cocked one eyebrow at Kris, and the human gave a small smile in response.

The clasps of the lunchbox came undone with a snap, and Falsetto pulled out a small, perfectly cut sandwich, crusts removed, with a generous filling of peanut butter. He lifted it up to his hood, whereupon it seemed to just fade out of existence in an instant. Kris almost did a double take – one minute it was there in his hand, and the next… nothing. It was like some sort of magic trick.

'Quite an appetite you've got there, huh?' Susie drawled, ripping a chunk out of her own "sandwich".

'S-sorry,' he chuckled. 'They're my favourite. What did you bring, Susie?'

'Feast your eyes, my dude,' she said, presenting it to him with a flourish. He lowered his hood to get a better look, adjusting his rose-gold spectacles to appraise it as though it were some treasured delicacy.

'It looks… substantial,' he offered, after a moment's pause.

'Hell yeah it is!' she grinned. 'You wanna try a piece?'

Falsetto blinked. 'Umm… perhaps a little nibble wouldn't hurt…'

'Susie, don't feed him your cardboard sandwich,' said Kris quietly.

'Hey shut up, nerd!' she shot back. 'You're just jealous I didn't offer you any!'

'I'm… really not,' the human replied.

'Whatever,' she shrugged, ripping out another chunk of it with her colossal teeth. 'Kris here's a real snob when it comes to food. Nothin' but homemade pie and gourmet whiteboard markers for this weirdo.'

'I don't eat whiteboard markers,' said the human a little too fast. 'O-or moss.'

'Whatever you say, man,' she winked at Falsetto. 'I'll give you some later, ok Falsei?'

'S-sure,' said the little goat boy, uncertain whether he was being made fun of or not. From somewhere behind their bangs, Kris rolled their eyes.

The three of them sat together for a short while, eating in something of a slightly uncomfortable silence. Though it seemed that little Falsetto didn't really notice, as he picked up another perfectly-cut square of peanut butter sandwich and inhaled it into oblivion alongside its earlier sibling.

'You managed to keep hold of your notebook, I see,' Kris ventured after a short while.

'Um, yes!' he replied with a soft smile, laying one sleeved hand protectively across it. 'I've been very careful not to let it out of my sight ever since you found it for me. It's very important to me, you see. My mom gave it me as a gift.'

'Your mom, huh?' said Susie, leaning in to take a look. 'Hey, that's kinda sweet, actually. You gotta keep hold of stuff like that.'

'Yeah…' said Falsetto quietly. 'I… I was very distraught when I thought I'd lost it, so… I really appreciate that Kris found it for me. I d-don't know what I would have done if I'd actually…'

'No problem,' said Kris, trying not to make a big deal out of it, and not quite able to hide their little smile.

'So like, what sort of stuff do you write in there, anyway?' asked Susie. 'Poems and stuff? Or is it like a journal?'

Falsetto's little "w" of a smile froze on his face, and he slid the notebook a little closer to himself. He looked away, almost as if ashamed to have been asked such a personal question.

'It's… secret,' he almost whispered. 'I… can't say.'

'Oh, so like, all your dumb secrets and crushes and that? Gotcha.'

'N-no, Susie…' he almost whined, tears beginning to bead in the corners of his eyes. 'I just… don't like to t-talk about it, th-that's all…'

The dragon girl held up her hands. 'Hey man, I, uh, didn't mean to upset you. Was just curious, is all.'

'Well, well,' said a voice dripping with smugness. 'Looks like the two of you finally found your intellectual equal at last. I'm very pleased for you both.'

At the sound of this new voice, Falsetto gave a little yelp, throwing his hood back up and drawing the strings tightly, while at the same time attempting to hide himself next to Kris, clinging onto their arm for dear life.

'Go away, Nerdly,' Susie growled.

Berdly did not rise to the bait, to his credit. 'Well, we all have to learn to walk before we can run, I suppose.' He extended a wing over to Falsetto. 'A pleasure to make your acquaintance, little woolly one. I am Berdly, one of the, ahem, smarter students attending this fine establishment.'

The dragon girl snickered derisively. 'Yeah right. I think we all know how true THAT is.'

'I… have no idea what you're talking about, Susan,' he grumbled.

Susie said nothing, but her glower spoke volumes.

Kris didn't need to look at Falsetto to know that he was petrified – they could feel his little body trembling through their arm. Instead, they fixed the bluebird with a stare.

'His name is Falsetto,' they said quietly. 'He's very scared of strangers, and you're being rather rude.'

Berdly seemed a little taken aback. 'Oh… well then, allow me to apologise. You see, my towering intellect can be quite intimidating, but I assure you I'm as extraneous as they come.'

'Whatever that means,' said Susie under her breath.

'Um,' said Falsetto, peeking his head around Kris's arm. 'I… I think you meant to say 'extroverted' there, mister Berdly…'

'Oh, I thought I had,' the avian responded. 'Why, what did I say?'

'You said extraneous. As in, unnecessary or obsolete.'

Berdly's beak fell open, and it was all Susie could manage not to burst out into evil cackling.

'Ah, well I, err…' said Berdly, now on the back foot. 'I, well… well… um, well… done, little one! That was a little test of your comprehension, and you, erm, passed with flying colours! S-so good job there, very clever… yes.'

Kris rolled their eyes again – Berdly was so transparent it hurt sometimes. But of course, it wasn't like Falsetto was going to pick up on that.

'R-really?' he said, awestruck. 'W-wow… thanks! You must be really smart then, mister Berdly!'

'Ah, well…' said the bluebird, a goofy smile plastered across his beak. '…I mean, I don't like to toot my own horn or anything, but…'

'Oh, there's no need to be so modest!' Falsetto went on, allowing the drawstrings on his hood to come loose again. Kris considered setting the little goat straight, but something about his innocence and exuberance made them reconsider. Despite his painful shyness, he really did want to see the best in everyone, didn't he?

But Susie had no such qualms. And going by the devious smirk on her scaled face, she was cooking up some sort of mischief.

'Yeah, bird-brain!' she said, grazing his wing with her clenched fist. 'In fact, why don't we have ourselves a little contest? You an' Falsei, head-to-head in a big nerd-off. That's be fun, right Kris?'

'Why're you asking me?' said the human, irked that they were being pulled into another silly altercation when all they'd wanted to do was eat their lunch in peace. Having to deal with Berdly's endless preening was bad enough…

'Ooh, that could be fun!' said Falsetto, clapping his sleeved hands together. 'What sort of game should we play? Perhaps a sudoku? Or, or… ooh, what about a spelling bee? Since mister Berdly knows a lot of long words, that could be quite entertaining, no? And we'd all learn some new words, too!'

'Yeah… spelling could work,' said Susie. 'What about it, bird-boy? You in?'

They all turned to look at Berdly, who appeared strangely apprehensive, the feathers on his head starting to glisten with nervous sweat as he scratched the back of his neck.

'Uhh… I mean, yes, it COULD be quite intellectually stimulating, but… well, that is to say… it seems, mayhaps, a bit… unfair on our woolly compatriot here, wouldn't you say…?'

'Oh, I don't mind at all!' Falsetto chirped. 'I'm just looking forward to learning something new!' So saying, he flipped open his notebook, pencil primed on a fresh page.

'Well, you heard him,' said Susie, with a shrug of her powerful shoulders. 'You're not gonna back out now, are you Berdly?'

'Ah… heh, I suppose it would be rather… unsporting of me not to, at this juncture,' he replied. 'So therefore, I suppose I COULD…'

'Then it's settled! Kris, you judge and give out the words for them to spell.'

'What, why me?' they asked.

'Cause you got the phone, duh. Just look up some long words for these two to spell or something.'

The human grumbled, but dug their phone out of their pocket and running a quick search for some interesting and difficult to spell words. Five ought to do it, right? Then maybe they could just go back to eating their lunch.

'Right,' they said, 'so I guess I'll just throw words out to each of you in turn, and then whoever spells the most words correctly at the end wins? That work for everyone?'

'Yep!' said Falsetto eagerly.

'I see no problem here,' said Berdly.

'Great. Then Falsei… I mean, Falsetto can go first. Spell the word "Incubate".'

He did so without any hesitation. A nice easy one to start them off with, but still impressive for a seven year old.

'Now Berdly, your word is "Disenfranchise".'

The bluebird scoffed. 'Child's play, my dear Kris. A word like that… why, I could spell it in my sleep. Backwards, if the fancy struck me.'

'Go on then,' said Kris.

'Yeah, don't keep us all in suspense over here, Beaky!' barked Susie through a mouthful of coagulated cardboard.

'D-don't rush me, okay?' he said quickly. 'I just need a moment to align my neurons. I can feel the answer coming to me… yes… the letters are falling into place before me, like green lines of code…'

'HURRY UP ALREADY!' the dragoness growled.

'Err, right! Let's see… D-I-S… err… D-I-S-I-N…'

Kris made a clucking noise with their tongue. 'Sorry, that's wrong, Berdly.'

'Huh-wha…?' his eyes boggled. 'That can't be right… there's definitely an "I" in there! You can hear it when you say the word!'

The human shrugged. 'Not according to the online dictionary here, there isn't.'

'…w-well, the dictionary you're using must be wrong!'

'…I can look the word up on another site if you really want me to… huh?'

Kris looked over, feeling a small tug on their arm. Falsetto was looking up at him with an excited little smile and a glint in his kaleidoscopic eyes.

'C-can I try, Kris?' he asked.

They considered this. Sure, it'd wind Berdly up to no end, and that was definitely a plus. But… ahh, you couldn't say no to that pleading, fuzzy little face, could you? Something about that open, expressive countenance just made them want to help him, in whatever way they could. And that wide smile that made his eyes crinkle a little and his cheeks lift up… well, not even Kris's callused, cynical teenage heart could resist melting, just a little bit, to see it.

'Sure,' they said at last. 'I don't see the harm.'

'B-b-but that's…' spluttered Berdly, mere moments before Kris' whip-around, stony stare silenced him completely.

And so, clearing his throat with a small squeak, and sticking out his tongue in thought for a moment, Falsetto began to spell.

'D-I-S… E-N… F-R-A-N… C-H-I-S-E.' Then he gave a small exhale. 'O-okay. How did I do…?'

The human checked his spelling against the word on their screen. Sure enough, it was an exact match. When they told him, his mouth opened up in a joyous smile that was like distilled sunshine.

'Wow! I got it! I really got it!' he said, his voice almost singsong in its jubilance. 'Whew, that was really tough though, I'm not surprised that mister Berdly struggled with it so much!'

The avian's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets, and he was trying very hard not to let his beak curl into a sneer, and not entirely succeeding.

'N-now just a second here,' he huffed, spreading his wings across the bench. 'I didn't… I wasn't… struggling, per SAY… I just… I just flubbed my letters, okay?! See, I was MEANT to articulate the letter "E", and for some reason I can't quite fathom, it came out as an "I" instead!' He pinched the bridge of his beak with one wing, screwing his eyes firmly shut, and gave a nasally sigh. 'I would have got it right if not for that fatal lapse… alright! One more word! This one's for keeps, okay Falsetto?'

Kris was about to point out that he was trailing by two words already, so playing this as if it was some sort of decider didn't reflect all that well on him. Then they thought better of it, deciding it wasn't worth the protracted argument that would result.

Damn it, those chocolate kisses were probably sludge by now…

'…that alright with you, Falsei?' said Susie with a slight frown. 's'just a game, remember. You don't have to if you don't wanna.'

'Umm… err, I…'

'Come now, one more won't hurt will it?' said Berdly. 'Now come on, give us the word.'

Kris and Susie looked at each other.

'Uhh… Berdly, I don't think we should—'

'I said it's fine, Kris,' he cut over them, in a terse tone of voice that very much implied the opposite. 'Let's have the final word now, please.'

Angel help them, this wasn't going to end well, was it? But the stubborn mule was too worked up to leave it there… so with a slightly sick feeling in their stomach, Kris looked up one final word.

'"Manoeuver".'

At this, Berdly gave a triumphant grin. 'All too easy. M-A-N-O-O-V-E-R. Like Hoover, see?'

The human pursed their lips together, feeling the bottom of their stomach drop out from under them. For an instant they toyed with the idea of just acquiescing to him, telling him he got it right and that he was the winner, and let him believe that for the rest of his life. Oh, but he'd never let that go, now would he? And sooner or later, he'd discover the deception, and then they'd end up back here all over again…

'W-well?' said Falsetto, his voice barely a whisper. 'D-did mister Berdly get it right…?'

Gritting their teeth, bracing for the inevitable fallout, Kris shook their head, very slowly.

'Oh, here we go,' muttered Susie opposite them.

Berdly's cocksure grin remained frozen upon his face, one eye twitching ever so slightly.

'Haha, uh… actually, Kris, I think you'll find,' he spoke through gritted teeth, 'if you check it again, that you'll see that I definitely did…'

'I'm sorry, Berdly,' the human shrugged.

'…check it again.'

They blinked at him. 'Uh… why?'

'I insist.'

'O-okay.' Kris looked at the word spelled on their screen. 'Yep. Still incorrect.'

'Check it again.'

'Um… still wrong.'

'Check it again.'

'Nope.'

'Check it again!'

'C'mon Berdly, don't do this.'

'I said, check. It. Again.'

'It's just a bit of fun, alright? Let it go.'

'Fine, then let's see little clever-hooves over there spell it then!' the avian sneered. 'Since he's so apparently omniscient!'

Realising Berdly was referring to him, Falsetto gave a little cry, turning his face away and tucking himself into a little woolly ball

Susie leaned forward. 'Hey man, don't take it out on the kid, he ain't done anything wrong here.'

Berdly rounded on her, quite forgetting who exactly he was talking down to. 'You know what, Susan? You're right. He's just a child after all. It's you and Kris over here filling him with hot air that's the real problem! In fact, how do I know you're not just feeding him the answers? Perhaps through some code you worked out before I came over here?'

'Don't be ridiculous,' said Kris, getting to their feet. 'We were just hanging out here before you barged over and started talking down to us. If you can't handle being wrong, that's on you. But don't take it out on me or Susie, and don't you DARE take it out on Falsetto either.'

Berdly had a retort on the tip of his beak ready to fire, but the minute he caught sight of Kris's clenched fist and the flash of red from behind their hair, he swallowed it straight back down. Then he spun on his heel, holding his plumed head up as high as it would go.

'Well then, I believe I have wasted enough time here with you troglodytes,' he sniffed. 'You continue to enjoy your childish diversions. I, on the other hand, shall continue my studies and attempt to better myself still further. And so I say, adieu to you.'

The three of them watched him storm off. Kris took a sidelong glance over at Susie, whose mouth was set in a terrifying rictus grin as she ground one clenched fist into her open palm. Given her temperament, they were surprised that she hadn't just clocked him there and then. Surprised, but very relieved, and strangely proud, too.

'You'd think he'd learned something after our experience in the Cyber world,' they said to her with a small smile, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

The dragoness just snorted, folding her arms across herself. 'Someone ought to teach him to pull his damn beak out his a… aaahhhh…'

Kris raised one eyebrow at her – not like Susie to cut a curse short. A slight shift over on their left alerted them to Falsetto's presence, his drawstrings done up again as tightly as they would go.

'…aaaaaahh-cademical textbooks!' she finished. 'Yep. Definitely meant to say that the entire time.'

'Of course,' they replied, their smile widening just a touch. 'Nice save, by the way.'

'Sh-shut up Kris,' she shot back, but her scowl softened a touch as she said it.

Satisfied that the worst of the tension had been defused for now, Kris turned their attention back to Falsetto, who was staring morosely at his feet, absently kicking the air beneath the bench.

'Hey… everything okay…?' they asked, feeling a bit foolish as they tentatively pat him on the shoulder. 'He's… he's gone now, okay?'

Falsetto didn't look up. 'I… I upset mister Berdly, didn't I…?'

The question pulled Kris up short. 'Uhh… well, yeah, he was upset, but that… well, it wasn't really…'

'Nah,' said Susie quietly. 'He just worked himself up cause he couldn't stand being wrong. Likes to show off how clever and everything he is, but he sure don't take it well when he's actually pushed. And that ain't your fault, Falsei. Don't take anything he says to heart.'

'…I see,' said the young goat. 'Then does that make mister Berdly a… a bad person…?'

The teens looked at each other.

'I… I wouldn't say bad, exactly…' the human said, picking their words carefully. 'Just… he gets a bit big for his boots sometimes. Thinks he's clever than he actually is.'

He didn't say anything to this right away, and Kris wondered if he'd even heard them. But then after a few moments, Falsetto lifted his head, woolly snout poking out of his hood and jewelled eyes glinting in the darkness.

'Um… I… you didn't… think I was sh-showing off back there… did you, Kris…?'

'N-no,' they answered at once. 'Of… of course not. You were just… just being clever. You did a great job, and you should be proud of yourself.'

Falsetto nodded slowly, though he didn't seem entirely convinced.

'Proud… but not like mister Berdly is…?'

'Well…'

Kris didn't quite know how to respond to this. It felt like no matter what they said, somehow it would come out wrong, and this kid would take the wrong thing from it. The words would not come, though they desperately wanted to tell him that it was okay, that there was no need to hide or be ashamed of who he was, that he was allowed to be his bright, cheerful self without having to worry about how others saw him.

But they said nothing, and the rest of that lunch period was spent in a contemplative, awkward silence. And to top it all off, the chocolate kisses they'd snuck from mom's cabinet had indeed all congealed together in their pocket.

---

The rest of the school day passed by without event. Neither Susie nor Berdly brought up the lunchtime incident, and for all intents and purposes, it was as if it had never happened – just another recess spat that was quickly forgotten with the others. But Kris couldn't stop worrying about how Falsetto had reacted to it, the pained look on his little face, fully believing himself to be at fault for what had taken place. And there they'd been, unable to provide even a single word of comfort, a gesture to alleviate some of the weight of that guilt and sorrow. And the damning thought that accompanied that fact – If Azzy were here, he'd have known what to do. He'd have known what to say.

They spotted him waiting at the foot of the stairs at the school entrance, gazing out expectantly along the road leading into town. No-one else waited with him or approached him – in fact, it seemed like nobody else even knew he was there, walking around him as if he didn't even exist.

Susie nudged them in the ribs. 'You gonna go see what's up, huh?'

Kris nodded. 'You go on ahead. I'll meet you outside the convenience store later.'

She grinned at them. 'Sure. Just text me when you're done, arright?' And with that, she cleared the stairs in one bound and melted into the homeward crowd.

Kris climbed down carefully, coming to a stop just off to the side of Falsetto. Before they could announce their presence, however, he seemed to sense them there, and turned around with his furtive little smile.

'Oh, Kris!' he said. 'Thank you for, um, letting me hang out with you and Susie this lunchtime! I really enjoyed myself.'

'No problem,' they replied, waving it off. 'You waiting for someone?'

'Dad's supposed to be picking me up,' he explained, 'but work must have kept him behind again. What about you? I guess you don't have to wait around, do you?'

'No, but sometimes I wait for mom to finish her marking and catch a lift back with her.' Then a thought struck them. 'Actually, you might be in her class.'

Comprehension emerged in Falsetto's expression. 'Oh, is Ms. Toriel your mom? She's really kind to me! I think you're very lucky to have a nice mom like her.'

Kris gave a little snort, quite without meaning to. Sure, she was all sweetness and light with the kiddies, but Kris knew well enough that she could also be a real authoritarian when she wanted to be. Particularly where sweets and baked goods were concerned.

'I guess so,' they replied, noncommittally. It didn't occur to them until much later, but it seemed an unusual thing for a child to say, particularly when he'd already mentioned that his notebook was a gift from his own mom.

'So, hey, about what happened,' they went on. 'Earlier, with Berdly. You… you're not…?'

'Ah, Kris. A word.'

Speak of the devil…

They looked over their shoulder at Berdly, who'd stopped on the stair just above them. They were about to tell him where to go, but something in his expression told them he didn't come here to gloat this time.

'I…' he began, wringing his featherlike fingers together and bowing his head low. 'It… occurs to me that I was acting needlessly… churlish, I suppose you could say, back at lunch. And I… well, I'd like to… extend my apologies. To you and Susie. And to little Falsetto as well.

'…sorry.'

'Oh,' said Kris, a little taken aback by this sudden volte face. 'That's… uhh, thanks, I suppose.'

'You're welcome. After all, despite all your narcoleptic bouts during classes, and your aberrant little quirks, I've always felt a certain… affinity, I suppose we could call it, between us. So I knew you would understand.'

'Uhhh… yeah,' said the human. 'Sure. I'll… pass your apology on to Susie when I see her next, then.'

'Uh, thanks.'

Now Falsetto, who up until this point hadn't said anything, came up to Berdly and gave him a little hug.

'It's okay, mister Berdly,' he said. 'If Kris forgives you, then I forgive you too, okay?'

'Ahh, well…' said the avian, patting the woolly goat gingerly upon the head. 'That's very… magnanimous of you, little one. Your gesture of felicitation is… unexpected, but not unappreciated. Thank you.'

'That's okay!' Falsetto chirped. 'Sometimes we all get a little too big for our boots, don't we? But it's not a bad thing to be clever. That's what Kris told me, so… so you don't have to feel bad anymore, ok?'

'Ah… is that right?' said Berdly, shooting a little glare at the human. 'That's… an interesting lesson to take from all this.'

Kris shifted uncomfortably. Damn kid didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

'Well, time for me to go,' they said, taking a step back towards the road. 'Don't wanna keep Susie waiting, you know what she gets like...'

Berdly said nothing, but continued to fix them with an uncomfortable glower.

'Oh, bye Kris!' said Falsetto, waving one of his overly-long sleeves in farewell. 'See you tomorrow!'

The human smiled a little to themself as they left. You just couldn't stay mad at the little fuzzball, could you?