Chapter Text
Chapter 1
White’s life was very tightly controlled by their father, what he did, where he went, who he met, access to his phone, laptop, bank account and credit card account. It had been easy but also very necessary to slip into after he and Black were separated. White had cried and cried and cried, feeling a blackhole in his chest that took any possible light he had and made it disappear. He felt so empty and alone and it just hurt all the time. It wasn’t any specific body part, just most of him ached excruciatingly in a way he couldn’t explain just from being away from Black. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t sleep or eat or shower or go to school or anywhere else. Sometimes it felt like he couldn’t breathe because the pain made it an arduous task just to keep breathing in and out.
The first 3 days in Russia, White didn’t move from his bed. He hated the bed because it was cold and empty but he couldn’t move from it. Their father called him dramatic and that he would get over it. It had taken their father nearly a week to realize that White still hadn’t left his bed. He didn’t eat, drink, or go to the bathroom. Then their father hired a servant/caretaker/tutor, Nikola, to take care of White. He gave Nikola very specific instructions to get White out of bed (even if he had to be dragged or carried) and down to the table for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Subconsciously White still only ever ate about half of what was on his plate, even when the chef started giving him small portions. Nikola taught White Russian for an hour every morning and read him the top newspapers from the US, Russia, Thailand, China and the UK so he would stay up on current events. He made White go to the home gym and at least walk a mile on the treadmill several times a week (which was a struggle.)
White mindlessly let Nikola pull him around from place to place, doing whatever his father had instructed Nikola to do. White didn’t feel anything. He was just numb. If it weren’t for Nikola, their father probably wouldn’t have noticed White slowly starving himself to death until he was actually dead (not on purpose just because he couldn’t feel anything and thus he couldn’t do anything.) Everything was pointless and worthless without Black. Russia was much colder than Thailand. White simultaneously felt the unending cold, both inside his heart and outside, and yet, he couldn’t feel warm or cold. He didn’t feel anything, shutting everything down was the only way he would survive the separation from Black. If he let himself feel, then all he could feel was pain and agony of missing his other half, so he turned it all off to be numb and apathetic.
White was enrolled in the international school in the fall. Half of his classes were taught in Russian and half were taught in English, so Nikola started working with him on his English as well. Nikola drove him to and from it every day, then sat with him as he did his homework after school. White worked on autopilot. Nikola helped him study for exams. He also tried to get White to socialize with some of the other students. A lot of them were like him, children of diplomats and ambassadors or other high class members of society. On more than one occasion, White sat in a cafe drinking an Americano while people talked around him. White didn’t join in the conversation. He wasn’t sure what was being said, and it wasn’t a language issue. He had a buzzing in his head or a ringing in his ears. The silence in his heart was so loud and suffocating that everything else was just a blur.
Nikola lasted a little under 2 years before he gave up on White. From then on it was a revolving door of new caregivers, some staying for only a few months and some made it to a year, but no one made it as long as Nikola. The people their father hired like the pay, the spending account, and all the other perks of the job but none of them knew how to deal with White. Each one tried initially to pull him out of his shell but gave up after a few weeks. A moody teenager he was not.
White graduated from high school, as it was impossible for anyone to fail, too much money flowed into the school from parents. Before the move, White had always been an outstanding student. Without Black, on autopilot, he was just a mediocre student. Money also helped get White into a top university to study political science. Right before he started university, their father hired Dan, after yet another caregiver quit. Unlike the rest, Dan finally stuck and didn’t give up on White.
The separation was supposed to disconnect the twins, make each one easier to handle and control. It worked at least on White, but it worked too well. Their parents didn’t realize how co-dependent the twins had become. White didn’t function without Black. Half of his soul, half of his heart, and half of his mind was missing, gone, left in Thailand with Black. Dan took White to see several different counselors. The therapists didn’t get anything out of White either. In fact, Dan wasn’t positive White had any inclination as to where they were or who was talking to him. He cycled through a few different medications that were supposed to help with his depression but none really had much of an effect on White. Nothing worked and not one doctor knew why. White just continued to drift through life as a by-stander rather than a participant.
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“He’ll get over it,” their father said to Dan.
“Sir, I’ve been working for you for three years. I’ve been here everyday doing exactly as you ask and there hasn’t been any change. White’s not going to get over it,” Dan had come to care for his ward, though he was positive White didn’t care about him, but that was because White didn’t care about anything. If Dan wasn’t there, White would never leave his bed or wherever he had been dumped. He didn’t move, but instead stared blankly at whatever was in front of him. Their father still brushed him off. For him, White was pliable and followed all his orders without any resistance and never caused any problems, which was all he cared about.
Dan didn’t have the whole story. He had been hired because he was fluent in Russian and Thai, as well as had a working understanding of several other languages including Chinese and English. He was discrete and followed orders. Early on he had heard White crying at night, mumbling “P’Black” over and over again. When he asked their father about it, he was told that Black was his other son, living with his ex-wife in Thailand and should never be brought up again.
Dan couldn’t take it, watching White everyday. After White finished his first year at university, Dan began discreetly looking into the family. The ex-wife was a high ranking judge still in Thailand. Dan practically fell out of his chair when he finally found a picture of Black after weeks of searching (computers were not his thing.) Twins, identical twins from the few photos he found. In fact, when looking at the photos of the twins when they were younger, Dan wasn’t sure which was White and which was Black. They had separated twins like The Parent Trap, only, this time, they knew one other. The summer before White started his last year at university, their dad had a 2-week work trip to China. This wasn’t unusual as he often traveled, leaving White in Dan’s care, though usually it was only for a few days. This time though, Dan was going to use the extended time to do something about the twins. He couldn’t go through another day watching White suffer.
Dan booked two round trip tickets to Bangkok leaving the day after their father departed for China and returning 3 days before him. All in all, it was about a 10 day trip. Dan hadn’t been able to find much in terms of contact information for the other half of the family. However, he had some contacts still in Thailand that could hopefully put him in touch with Black and possibly their mother.
Dan wasn’t sure if he was surprised or not, but actually got a reaction from White when he said they were going to Thailand. White had let Dan drag him to the car as usual. Dan drove them to the airport. He had packed them each a small suitcase and placed them in the trunk before getting White to the car. White made eye contact with him through the rear view mirror, “Thailand?” Dan nodded. “Thailand,” White mumbled to himself with a small smile, one of the first Dan had ever seen.
White was slightly more pliable and helpful as they moved around the airport, even pulling his suitcase. Dan still had to tell him everything to do, take off your shoes and jacket, hand them your passport, etc, but White followed instructions quicker than he normally did. Normally, Dan had to repeat himself a couple of times. He could see the cogs very slowly turning in his head before he complied, like there was a time delay, like White’s ears and brain were out of sync.
Dan knew their father would definitely fire him if he found out Dan took White to Thailand without his knowledge, so although he had a spending account to use for things for White, he paid for their flights out of his own pocket. Luckily, he was compensated quite well for what he did so that hadn’t been much of an issue. They had a layover in Dubai but finally after over 16 hours of traveling, they made it to Bangkok. Outside the airport, standing in line to get the car Dan rented, White smiled a real smile as he tipped his head back to feel the sun on his face. That made it all worth it to Dan.
Dan had a feeling that reaching out to their mother wouldn’t be the best option but probably the fastest option to getting Dan fired. Instead, he reached out to some of the others he knew that also worked for the high and mighty of Bangkok. Black had had a falling out with their mother and basically disappeared off the radar to those in the upper class over a year ago. So instead Dan had to turn to some of his more unsavory contacts and one of them pointed him towards a garage that Black supposedly frequented.
Dan went alone first and didn’t tell White where he was going. He made sure White ate and used the bathroom before he left him on the hotel bed Dan had booked upon landing in Bangkok. Dan knew he couldn’t tell White, get his hopes up, only to be disappointed. It might just finally kill the kid.
The large bay door was open to the garage and Dan tentatively walked through it after knocking on it several times. He looked around the space to see an office off to one side, a couch near the back, several motorcycles in the front by the door and several cars and other vehicles off to the other side obviously being repaired with the hood open, on blocks, or up on jacks. “Hello?” He called out.
A man in a jumpsuit exited the office. “Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for someone, a kid, about 21, named Black,” Dan made a motion to about how tall White was, assuming that the identical twins ended up about the same height. “I work for his father.”
“What the fuck does the bastard want after all these fucking years?” A voice came and out from the back strode a very familiar face. If Dan hadn’t been with White for the last several years, he would have easily confused the two, but this twin was darker, rougher around the edges, and much, much more animated than Dan had ever seen White.
“Black?”
“Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want with me?” Black glared at him.
“I’m Dan. Your father hired me 3 years ago to take care of your brother, White,” Dan answered.
That got Black’s attention very quickly and soon he was bombarded with questions. “White? You know where White is? How is he? Where the fuck is he? Is he ok?”
“No, he’s not ok, but I brought him here, to Bangkok.”
“Does our fucking father know?”
Dan shook his head, “He’s on a work trip in China.”
Black grabbed a ripped sleeveless jean vest from one of the lockers and pushed past Dan. “Take me to my brother, now.”