Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Our story could be called a tragedy and it may be. It had a harsh ending but the middle was full of love and lust. I will always miss Fergus Roderic Macleod but one day I know I will be with you dancing among the stars.
Ok I will admit that our story has a semi-tragic beginning. When Fergus’ was only a small child his mother left him. For most of his childhood life he begged on the street. That was where I first saw him. My mother was taking me to get fitted for a new dress and I saw Fergus sitting on the corner with a brown blanked wrapped around his shoulders. Even though I was very young, from the second I saw him I knew we had a strong connection.
As I grew older I gained more freedom from my parents. We were one of the riches families, we practically owned the village. I could have done anything I wanted. Everyone wanted to be my friend. But I chose to run and play in the hills with Fergus. My mother was always scolding me and telling me how “unlady like” it was to come back to my home with a fresh coat of mud on the bottom of my dress and covering my shoes. I didn’t care. I loved running in the hills and most of all I loved being with Fergus. Not only did we grow up on these hills but we also fell in love.
Fergus would always tell me awful stories of the things his mother did to him and in return I would tell him about my evil governess’. One clear beautiful summer night we were lying on the top of a hill on a bed of green spring grass next to a bubbling stream looking at the stars in the sky. I was telling him the stories of the constellations. Then he started asking me all these deep questions.
“Do you believe in life after death?” the beautiful young Fergus asked me.
“Yes. I believe in a heaven and a hell. I have always been told all the good Christians go to heaven and the bad go to Hell.” I said.
“Yeah. Maybe. My mom used to tell me stories about the creatures from hell. I don’t think anyone would want to go there.” He took a sip of whiskey from his flask, he always appeared to be drunk, and then continued. “I don’t believe that for a second. I think that people turn in to stars and chase the things they never got when they were alive until they crash.”
“What if you catch everything you were looking for?” I asked him.
“Well then you get to sit on your star surrounded by all the things you chased.” I smiled and kissed my Fergus.
We spent many nights like this together. In fact I wasted away my child hood like this.

When I was of marring age my mother pushed me towards any rich man who would be interested in me. They were all the same all they looked at was the outer appearance and most of them were dull. I was still very young. My father didn’t want me to get married so I was able to say no to marriage for a long while.
Fergus was very upset about this whole deal. He was my privet tailor and every time I was to meet a new suitor my mother went to him and got a new gown. Fergus always did his best to make fun of any men that I could possibly like. He always tried to find something wrong with them and sometimes servants liked to talk. Whenever he found something he would go to my parents and tell them. A few times my father kicked men out of our country at early hours of the morning. They really trusted Fergus.
Finally my father and mother had enough. They found me someone who was young, rich, and he also bowed down to my father. They told me that if he asked me to marry him I had to say yes. He did. I had no choice I said yes. That was the first time I cried all night long.
That morning I walked to his chamber and told him that I wanted to bring my own staff. He was so entranced with me that he said I could have anything I possibly wanted. Our wedding was one of the biggest things that happened in our country. Everyone came except Fergus. I waited for him all night. When I went to my new husbands chamber he was there waiting for me to love him. So we were married then we moved to our own castle and Fergus came with me.
My life changed so much. There were no hills to walk on. I now lived in the middle of farming country. I was so very unhappy and Fergus wasn’t helping. He was distant. We spent very little time together. I did talk with Fergus sometimes. Whenever we did talk I never felt like he was really there. I was afraid that he had fallen in with something dark. My heart was broken. I felt trapped with a man I didn’t love. We didn’t even sleep in the same wing anymore. The man I did love didn’t want anything to do with me. I was broke.
One night he came in to my chamber through the window, drunk:
“Did you ever actually love my Y/N?” Fergus practically shouted at me.
“Yes I did and still do.” I whispered. “Now keep your voice down.”
“How can you love me if you live with this man!” He said. He sounded angry but he looked like he was on the brink of tears.
“Oh Fergus, I don’t love him.” I said getting out of bed and walking over to him. “Notice how we don’t even sleep in the same chambers.”
“But you have made love with him haven’t you?” He said as a single tear ran down his face.
“Well yes. It meant nothing to me. We had to make our marriage real. I don’t love him. My love, I love you. Just you. Forever you.” I said as I gently wiped the tear from his face.
“Why are you married to him? Is it because he has a larger member then me? I swear he doesn’t! I’m over 10 inches.” He said as he slumped over into my arms.
“NO! Fergus, I don’t care about that at all.” I said as I guided him over to my large bed.
“You don’t understand. I went through unconventional measures to get it to be that way. I did it to win you.” Fergus said not making eye contact with me.
“I don’t know what you mean. I don’t want to know. You already won me over.” I said to the poor man.
“Well I sold my soul to Hell for you. I still can’t have you!” He sobbed.
“YOU DID WHAT????” I shouted.
“I have 7 years left. I did it all for you. Only for you. Y/N I’m yours.” He said as he shook and shook.
Oh Fergus, oh Fergus, oh Fergus, Fergus, my Fergus…” I keep saying his name over and over until he interrupted me with a kiss. It wasn’t an ordinary kiss. This one was full of lust and true love.

Chapter Text

Fergus got me pregnant that night. I told my husband that I was ill and that the doctor told me I needed to go to the sea for a few months. He didn’t ask any questions and let me go. I took Fergus with me. I called him my protector. I also took my best maid with. She was skilled in midwifing.
We had a wonderful time. I spent every minute with Fergus. We went for all day walks. We acted like a real couple for the first time in our lives. It was actually very bittersweet. The fact of his death covered us like a cloud of darkness. I knew the child would either be an orphan of I would have to raise him with a man I didn’t love. But even with these major problems hanging over our head these months were the best times of my life. I gave birth to a very healthy young man. We named him Gavin. We talked it over and decided it was best if Gavin stayed with Fergus. I didn’t want him to go away from him. He was my son.
I had no idea what would happen to Gavin after Fergus died. I wanted to keep him close to me. The hardest thing I ever did was let Fergus ride away with Gavin. I just prayed he would have a chance. That was another time I cried all night long.
I could see a change in Fergus. Living with Gavin made him happy. Gavin grew up a happy kid. He was always getting in trouble. He was only 7 when his father died. I was with them oh his last night. We ate a big meal together as a family. We put Gavin to bed together. Then we just sat together reminiscing.
“Do you remember when we were kids and we just ran together in the muddy hills?” he asked.
“How could I forget? They were the best times of my life.” I said.
He got up and grabbed two glassed from a shelf and grabbed a bottle of rum hidden away from under his bed.
“It’s the best I have ever got. I have been saving it for… well you know, tonight.” He said as he opened it and began to pour.
“No. I want to stay sober. I want to remember my last hours with my love.” I said.
“Ok.” He said and he put the rum unopened on the table.
“Are you going to stay here until it happens?” He asked.
“Of course. I’m not going to let you do this on your own. If by some miracle you don’t die, I’m NEVER leaving your side. I should have been strong. I should have run away and married you. I love you so much. I never loved him. It was always you. It will forever be you.” I said.
I was sobbing. I loved him. I still love him with everything I have.
Fergus died. It wasn’t peace full. He got torn up by something I couldn’t see. He was looking at me when the life left his eyes. It was over.
I just sat there for a few minutes looking at his mutilated body. Then I opened the rum. I downed almost a quarter before I got the courage to drag his body to a graveyard. I gave him an unmarked cross. Even though it wasn’t marked I always knew which one was his. I went back to his house and put out a loaf of bread for Gavin. Then I took the rum, his flask, and his tattered blanket with me. When I got home I told the maids to leave. I filled the flask up with the strongest stuff I could find. I hid his rum behind a panel in the wall then I wrapped up in his blanket and cried all night long. It was the first time I shed tears over his death but it wouldn’t be the last.
My husband came to me in the morning to tell me that my tailor was missing and assumed dead. He suggested that we take in Gavin until he is of working age. I said yes. I knew I should be happy I got to live with my son for the first time. All I felt was sadness. It was a pain like I had never felt before. He haunted my dreams; waking and sleeping. I wore mourning garments the rest of my life. I didn’t care who saw. I felt no joy through all the seasons. The pain made everything num.
When spring came I felt a force pulling me to the hills. I walked the hills and felt like he was there with me. I picked flowers and took them to his grave. I felt happier but I couldn’t make myself smile. I was so worried about what was happening to his soul in damnation. I said a few words to the spot his body was laid hoping there was a chance for them to reach him.
“Fergus, I’m here. I walked our hills. I brought you some flowers. I miss you.”
From that day forth I spent all my time on the hills. I built a cottage with Gavin. We grew closer. I told him I was his mother. He was still unhappy. In 1723 he got the chance to go to the new world. He left me. I never saw my son again. I was once again so alone.
One after noon there was a knock on my door. I was surprised. Widows never got visitors. I opened the door and there was a man standing there. He looked old. He had very little black hair, meat on his bones, but his eyes were chocolate brown with specks of golden orange; they looked so familiar. When he saw me his eyes sparked up and his smile grew.
“Hello again Y/N.” said the man.
“Not to be rude but I don’t know who you are.” I stated.
“Who am I? Y/N how have you forgotten? Is it my meat suit that’s throwing you off?” he said.
“Your meat suit? I don’t know what you mean!” I said.
“Yes well my old body was wrecked and not in a sexy way. Y/N can’t you tell? It’s me Fergus.” The imposture said.
“No. Fergus is dead. What kind of trick is this reminding me off my long gone love? We are done talking.” I slammed the door in his face.
“Y/N. I’m him. I’m me. This is my afterlife! I’m a demon.” He said.
“My Fergus would never become a demon!” I yelled.
“I sold my soul. I went to Hell. What did you expect?” he said.
“If you really are Fergus, prove it!” I said.
“I have two things. One, Gavin is our child. Two, you were the last things my human eyes saw before I died. I loved you until my life left. And now in the afterlife I still love you.” Said my new Fergus.
“Fergus?” It was all I could say. I tried not to cry.
This new Fergus got down on one knee. I was to in shock to comprehend what was happening.
“Y/N, I have wanted to say this my whole life, dying must have given me courage. Will you marry me?”
I said nothing. I just sat down on the old wicker chair. Fergus got up from his knees. He looked at me for a few seconds then he knelt in front of me again. He placed his hand on my shoulder. I melted off the chair into his arms in a fit of uncontrollable sobs. Fergus just kept rubbing my head and telling me it was going to be ok. And for the first time I believed him.
After I calmed down he asked me the question again. I said yes and I meant it with all my heart.
“May I make a deal with you?” he asked grabbing my hands.
“Ok” I said.
“When were married will you come live with me in hell?” he asked.
“Yes. Is hell really that bad?” I asked.
“For some it can be. But for us it won’t be. We will live in a good part together.” He said.
“Ok but how will I find you when I get down there?” I asked.
“You will never leave my side.” He replied.
“When will I die?” I said in almost a whisper.
“Whenever you want to.” He said.
“Now. I have nothing for me here.” I said.
“Ok we seal the deal with a kiss.”
He pressed his lips against mine. I felt one life of pain and suffering and went to a new life of adventure and love.