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Chapter Text

After the third night of waking up in a sweat, heart beating uncomfortably loud against his ears, and desperate hands clutching at his chest, Roland knew it was time to take some measures.

His sleep schedule had always been convoluted, in between countless meetings and missions outside of Evermore, the need to catch a rest had seemed almost unimportant. He didn’t mind his eyes closing by themselves occasionally, as long as it wasn’t during any relevant activities.

“Catch a good night’s sleep, otherwise you won’t grow up any taller.”, he would reprimand Evan any chance he caught him reading state documents during his supposed bedtime, unbeknownst to him that Roland was being a mere hypocrite on that front. To Roland’s defense, he had grown up tall and older already, so there was no need to exercise anymore caution when it came to his sleeping habits.

He was surprised then, when Leander of all people caught him by the arm before he could tumble to the floor one afternoon. His vision was swimming, and all he could see where the colorful blurs of the hallway and Leander’s bright blue eyes melting into darkness.

When he woke up, he was laying on his bed. The curtains were drawn, blocking out any source of light from outside, so his eyes met with what he knew to be his room. Roland drew himself up to lean against the bed frame, eyelids heavy from exhaustion. He could discern voices speaking outside, quiet hushes that would escalate from time to time. Roland recognized Evan’s light tone, Lofty’s sarcasm and Leander’s soft counters to both.

“Will he be alright? He didn’t hurt himself, did he?”

“Yeah, last time I saw him he looked funny, like he ate a weird bug for breakfast.”

“No, Your Majesty, he is quite well. Sir Roland just needs to rest.”, Leander answered, ignoring Lofty’s comment effortlessly.

Roland could hear Evan’s guilt in his voice, how he clamped up when he was beginning to cry, “I should’ve paid more attention. I give him so many responsibilities, I didn’t think they would overwhelm him this way.”, after a beat of silence, Evan picked up again, “I should apologize right now.”

Footsteps headed towards the door, before they stopped suddenly. Roland could picture Leander holding the lion cub back, “Your Majesty, I am aware that you are worried. But please understand that you have no fault in this situation. Sir Roland and I have similar workloads and I’m currently fine and in good health, so whatever has happened may have to do with how he has been managing his.”

Then, a softer tilt came over Leander’s tone, one Roland had never heard once since they returned from Hydropolis. Or rather since they spoke to the regal mistress of said civilization. It carried a vulnerability that Roland was not used to hearing from the firm tactical genius.

“Trust me with this, Your Majesty. I will talk to him and let him know your worries, and I’ll do my best to treat whatever ails him.”

Evan did not answer for a while, but a quiet affirmation and subsequent steps let Roland know he had left. He was in the middle of sighing and standing up when the door finally opened.

Roland felt like a child caught with his hands in the cookie jar, with the way Leander looked at him from across the room, like he knew he was awake and planning on leaving already.

“Am I correct in assuming you heard our conversation, Sir Roland?”, the blonde questioned, not batting an eye as he brought in a tray with tea and bread. He set the tray on Roland’s bedside table, before turning towards him once more and crossing his arms. “If so, it spares me the trouble of explaining how concerned His Majesty is feeling about you right now.”

Roland scratched the back of his neck, finding his hair free from its usual ponytail, “Yes… I should talk to him when I have the chance. I didn’t mean to make a big deal out of this.”

“Oh, but you have, whether unintentionally or not. A worried king means trouble for everyone, so I suggest you stop whatever has been happening with you.”, Leander was harsh as always, but his eyes softened slightly, his voice taking that uncharacteristic gentleness Roland thought was only reserved for Queen Nerea and apparently Evan, “How is your health? Have you been eating properly? Have you been sleeping well?”

“I’ve been eating the appropriate amount and I’ve been getting the necessary exercise from our missions, so I’m well.”, he smiled, but Leander didn’t seem to be convinced one bit.

“What about sleep? No answer for that one yet.”

Roland chuckled to himself. Of course, Leander would get caught up in those kinds of details. That’s what made him such an asset to their team and to Evermore as a whole. In between Evan’s lack of experience, Roland’s poor knowledge of their world, the sky pirate’s impulsivity, and Bracken’s obsession with keeping all their technology updated and running, they needed someone with a clear mind and cold observations. Someone unafraid of making decisions, decisions Evan would have to make on his own someday, and Roland was grateful someone could ease that burden alongside him.

Resigned, he looked down towards his chest. He was wearing his nightclothes, which meant someone had had to have changed him before. He tried not to think of that too much.

“I… am not sleeping well, I must admit.”

Leander didn’t bat an eyelash, standing in silence. He seemed to be waiting for him to continue.

“I… This is kind of embarrassing, but I’ve been having nightmares. Every night since we returned from Broadleaf. I keep dreaming of…”, he cut himself off. His dreams were always full of smoke and fire, a crashed limousine, that burning bridge forever fresh in his memory. The sound of the missile, the way it zoomed past before exploding in hellish rage, that’s how the dream would always start. After that, the dream would change, either to him awakening to pitch blackness instead of showing up in Evan’s room; or showing up to Evan’s room and the impact of the weapon hitting Evan instead of him. The worst kind of nightmare was reserved after an especially harsh battle, one where the possibility of winning was slim. In that one, he would dream of his son.

He was shaken out of the image of his son alone in a hospital bed, forever unaware of his father’s death, by a hand on his shoulder.

Leander was closer to him this time, actually kneeling down on the floor to address him eye to eye, “Are you… ok, Sir Roland? You appear to be quite pale…”

Roland smiled weakly. He could feel his eyes water as well as sense that his tears were clear for Leander to see. He hadn’t cried since arriving to this new world, opting to be a strong figure for Evan to follow and believe in. He thought that by not crying he would spare the boy of the broken expectation that was Roland, strong reliable Roland. It was now, in his room and with Leander, a man he knew carried his own burdens and broken promises, that he broke down.

His shoulders shook and the blonde propped both hands on them, caressing them as if he was a child. He did not speak as he gazed at Roland’s crying form.

After a few minutes, the sun had begun to melt into the horizon, painting the room in a soft orange tone that made Roland think of autumn and sweets, a small hand on his own bigger one and he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I… I can’t sleep, Leander. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that hurt me and the ones I love. I see my failures, the consequences of my actions… and I thought that I could fix it by not closing my eyes anymore…”, he swallowed wetly, not daring to look up at the other, “But now I see… that by choosing to do that I’ve caused more harm than good… So that’s why I must return to my work and help Evan.”

He began to rise from his position when Leander pushed him back down. Roland’s eyes were wide, Leander was a mage and almost never used his physical strength in battle. It seemed it was reserved for weeping grown men that could slice monsters in half with a sword.

“You are not going anywhere, Sir Roland. Evan is understanding and forgiving, especially when it comes to you. Trust me you are not helping anyone or anything in your current state. You are tired, sleep deprived and as much as you insist, not eating well enough. I will help you with your nightmares, I can prepare a spell for you as soon as I can, but for now, please lie down.”

Roland felt himself tremble when Leander shifted him softly so he could lay on the bed, soft cushion comforting against his taut back. In between his tears he caught the light reflecting off Leander’s eyes, gold and blue mixing into a lush green. The other’s magnetizing eyes swam over his form, before nodding to himself and handing him another pillow to rest his head.

“Please take it easy, I’m sure Evan will be happy to see you healthy and well, so for the love of Poseidon, rest, Roland.”

Roland was about to mention how he hadn’t used the usual title on his name, but his eyelids became heavy and stuck to each other as if by magic.

He didn’t dream that night.

===

He awoke the next day to an empty room and soft sunlight. His bed didn’t have evidence of him moving around and alongside the unusual calm he felt, he could deduce that he hadn’t had nightmares this time.

Roland rose and stretched, back cracking in a satisfying way, before he noticed a small handwritten note on his nightstand. The penmanship was flawless, and he could tell from a mile away Leander was responsible for it.

Dear Sir Roland,

I trust you have slept well. The maids have laundered your clothes and breakfast is at your disposal for whenever you wake up.

Meet me at the gardens before the sun sets.

Attentively,

Leander

Roland almost laughed at the politeness of the letter. He didn’t think Leander would actually help him out, since he felt it was a problem he could deal with himself, eventually. But the relief of a dreamless night made him realize how serious Leander was about his promise.

Suiting up once more, he walked out of his room and set out to do his work with newfound energy he didn’t know he missed.

==

Later that day, he headed to the gardens as the note instructed. He had spent the entire day reassuring Evan that he was ok, that he was working on sleeping more. Roland hugged the boy when he cried, asking him to take care of himself, and the unsaid message stung at Roland’s heart like it usually did when he shared these kinds of paternal moments with Evan.

Don’t leave me too.

He shook away his frown as he found a bench to sit on to wait for Leander. A few minutes went by until he spotted a person walking up to him. Leander sat down next to him, and they both shared a moment of silence between them, the lowering of the sun underneath the city walls the only way to measure time’s passage.

It was when the sky lost its warm hue that Leander turned to him.

“So? How do you feel after taking a break?”

Roland stared at him for a second, “I’m feeling better, thank you. Whatever you did last night… it really helped.”

Leander smiled and Roland’s chest felt constricted, “I’m glad. A simple Goodnight spell can work wonders, can it?”, he looked over to the flowers around them, “I would like to know if you mind if I spoke of myself for a bit.”

Roland frowned, “Leander, you know you don’t have to ask for permission, right? You can talk to me about whatever you want.”

The blonde looked away from him, as if he found it embarrassing to admit that was true and Roland smiled when he nodded.

Leander took a breath and spoke with a voice as if he was telling a story, “I’m actually not used to speaking of myself to others. I often speak about Queen Nerea or about her subjects or affairs of state. I’ve only talked about me and my feelings when she and I were children, and the time loop was not yet placed upon us. As you can imagine, that was a long time ago, so I do feel like I need permission to speak to you about this, even if it’s for my own comfort.”

Leander chose that moment to look at him. Their gazes connected and Roland could feel Leander’s sincerity and anxiety rolling off him, so he smiled once more to reassure him, “Ok. I grant you permission, then.”

Leander sighed, more relaxed, before fixing his glasses and relaying his thoughts, “I have to confess, I often had… convictions like you have right now. I felt a debt towards my Queen and began to convince myself that work was the only way I could repay it. So, I would often exhaust myself, to the point I felt like I had no use anymore if I didn’t do so. That, coupled with feelings that were not met because of our laws, it made me feel… unwanted.”

Roland kept quiet out of respect but couldn’t help but wonder why someone like Leander could have ever felt like that. His sharp intellect and politeness could often keep people away, which sometimes happened even inside Evermore’s walls. But that was entirely different from how he inflicted fear on the people of Hydropolis before the loop was broken. Based on that, Roland could imagine how it felt, to not be welcomed in many groups, all because of the protection of a law that even prevented him from loving the object of his affections. Roland wanted to comfort him, remind him that he was wanted, but he didn’t know how.

“But… after you and Evan came by and solved our issues… I felt free, for once. Of course, I feel indebted to you two as well, since it was you that freed me. I will do my best to help you as long as you’ll have me, but I have learned from my mistakes. I won’t let my devotion destroy me once again,”, their eyes were stuck to each other, and Roland felt his skin prickle at the rapt attention, at words left unsaid that Leander directed at him, “and I won’t let yours do that to you either.”

Roland looked down, breaking their eye contact in a rush.

“Thank you for telling me this, Leander. I didn’t know how you felt about all of this, of Hydropolis, and well… Evan and me,”, he smiled softly at the other, and by now he couldn’t really tell because of the darkness, but he thought he saw Leander flush slightly, “I will try to ease your burden as well, if you’ll have me too.”

Roland almost coughed at the implied intimacy of his words but before he could retort to his own statement, Leander laughed. His voice sounded like clouds, puffs of breath light and gentle like the sea breeze he knew the blonde often missed.

“That is quite a promise. But I’ll accept it.”, his eyes twinkled, and Roland felt an urge to lean in a do something he might regret.

“Now,”, he tried not to seem disappointed when Leander stood up from his place but proceeded to eye with interest the hand that was offered to him to help him up, “we should return to the palace. His Majesty must be worried about you, let’s not keep him waiting.”

“You make it sound like Evan cannot function without me, even though we both know that’s not true.”

“Of course, it’s not true, I’m merely reminding you that you have someone that needs you at your best, so let’s start working on that, ok?”

Roland cackled in a way he hadn’t in a while. Leander’s palm burnt against his, and the lack of it when he removed it stung at his chest.

“Alright, lead the way.”

He didn’t say it, but he felt the words before he could think them.

I would follow you anywhere.

Chapter Text

Following several meetings, council approval and rounding up the townsfolk, they finally began to organize the Spring Ball. The cool air offered comfort to the countless work of every single citizen of Evermore as they gathered the resources necessary for the ball, whether it was food, decorations, security and entertainment, everyone played a part.

Evan seemed especially giddy, even though he often masked it when they held stately affairs meetings, but his twirling fingers and light humming hinted at his excitement.

Roland could imagine he hadn’t been to a party since Ding Dong Dell was overthrown, so it made sense the lion cub was terribly looking forward to a distraction from all the work. They even invited other figureheads, Queen Nerea and Pugnacius and their entourages coming over for the festivities.

He could also sense strong anticipation, but this time it came from another source. Leander had been very quiet since he shared the message that his Queen was visiting, so Roland chalked it up to nervousness. They both had confessed their feelings to each other and their desire to marry, to then immediately have Leander leave to another country. It made sense he felt restless, they left many matters unfinished, and he didn’t know how to act.

Roland took it upon himself to distract Leander, asking him about which curtain color he liked more, which champagne glass they should set or which magic candles to use for the dinner, to which the mage in question would answer unthinkingly, usually with a notebook in hand.

Sometimes Roland caught sight of the abused paper, of the hurried scratches so unbecoming of what he knew Leander’s neat handwriting was like, but he was glad the blonde had somewhere to vent his frustrations to.

The days went by with colorful banners getting ready, temperatures changing drastically in a matter of hours each day and people whispering about who to take to the ball.

The children were, of course, ecstatic when the news of plus ones came out publicly. They argued in the streets of who they would invite, who deserved that girl or that boy, and Roland felt like he was back to his time during prom. It made him chuckle, but it also made Leander uncomfortable at the blatant displays of affection.

That also made him curious. The blonde was engaged but was innocent to the matters of the heart in a way you didn’t expect. It made Roland worry, but he had to admit it was kind of endearing, watching Leander fumble over himself when a lady or man complimented his looks or knowledge.

Finally, the awaited night arrived. Lanterns lit the town streets all the way up to the palace, over the gates up until the front door, where numerous people checked their invitations and hustled through the sea of dresses and suits. The palace guards were in high alert, looking over the safety of the guests with great diligence. This was a night to remember, being the first ball ever to be hosted at the newly founded nation of Evermore.

Roland was getting ready to enter the ballroom and greet the guests. The maids were fixing his tie and suit, even though he told them he could do it himself. His hair was let loose, brushed back in a way that made him self conscious. His ensemble was tailored perfectly to his size, the black fabric feeling very natural to him. He fixed his gloves and walked out of his room.

The excited chattering that welcomed him into the ballroom made him smile. The people were as excited as his king was, which made him feel that all the effort was all the more worth it. A large variety of people from all corners of the world met up in one room: blue skin, furry ears and mechanical citizens, all shared each other’s presence in a colorful union and not for the first time, he wished it could be the same in his homeworld.

A loud blare of a trumpet quieted down all noise and not long after, King Evan was presented into the ball. Evan, for all his childishness and glee, carried himself with regality that seemed to belong to a bigger lion. His long robe was all encompassing and his crown shined with both the candlelight and the electric bulbs of the ceiling. Roland could hear the awe from every person around them, and he felt great pride for Evan. For the sweet boy and the great man he had become.

The music blew to life, couples gliding through the dancefloor with grace, and in some cases with no elegance at all, like the sky pirates would have it. But people were having fun, laughing and smiling all around. Evan himself was speaking to both diplomats and children his own age, the latter being a thing that rarely occurred. Roland chuckled to himself as he watched Evan struggle over town slang and the admiration of girls around him.

He picked up a glass of champagne from a speeding waiter, before spotting Leander.

Roland felt the world skitter to a stop. The music was muted and shapes around him seemed to blur when his eyes caught sight of the blonde, eyes focusing entirely on him.

Leander wore his hair neatly, golden locks brushed carefully to once side. Roland saw a long earring twinkling on his right ear, reflecting soft blues onto pale skin. His suit was completely white, with golden details on his cuffs and vest. He had forgone his glasses, sapphire eyes clear for the world to see, and Roland wanted nothing more than to walk over and gaze at them as if it was the first time.

But Leander’s eyes were trained elsewhere.

Queen Nerea’s demeanor seemed more relaxed than the last time they saw her. She wore her ballgown with colorful scales, rainbow hues painting her attire. Her crown was perched on her head, glamorous but not as extravagant as Evan’s, seeing as she was a royal guest this time.

They were caught in deep conversation, and Roland could gleam Nerea’s various smiles and Leander’s hesitant hands from where he stood.

He suddenly felt unsure of himself. He wanted to greet the Queen, as a good Chief Consul should, but their closeness let him know he would just be a burden in their attempt of catching up.

He gulped down his champagne in a hurry, and set out to assist Evan, when he remembered Evan was having fun with other children, and he couldn’t interrupt that either. Roland snorted over his own complications before walking over to a balcony on the side of the ballroom.

The music was now behind him, excited waltzes meeting his back as he gazed at his glass. The cool breeze of spring caressed his face, and if he focused enough, he could smell the salt of the sea. A shy smile appeared in his mind, blonde hair that rivaled the sun conquering his waking thoughts and he cursed himself quietly. Roland scratched his head, perfectly fixed hairstyle slightly marred now. He took another swing of his drink and had the thought he should restrain himself a bit from drinking more, when a chuckle sounded behind him.

He turned to see Bracken walk over to him, her red suit appearing overly saturated compared to the nighttime that surrounded them. She leaned on the handrail before speaking to him.

“May I ask what has caused you to leave us common people behind in the ballroom? Is something more exciting happening over here?”

Roland laughed, placing his champagne glass on the rail between them, “I promise it’s not anything bad. I just needed time for myself, that’s all.”

Bracken looked over at him, analyzing as if he was a piece of machinery she had to fix, “Did you get tired? I know Leander helped you out with your sleeping patterns and the alarm clock yours truly designed worked perfectly, but maybe it worked too well, who knows.”

“Just because my sleep quality is better doesn’t mean I have the sleeping schedule of an infant, Bracken.”, he retorted, but it came out harsher than he intended to. Leander being mentioned might have something to do with that.

“Sheesh, sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that, Roland. It’s just, I’m so used to seeing you at the front lines, talking over diplomacy and international trade, that seeing you here alone felt weird. Like something was wrong.”, she fell quiet at his lack of answer, before lighting up again, “Have you asked anyone to dance with you yet? I know a lot of ladies and gentlemen that would love to, you know?”

Roland smiled sadly, “It’s ok, Bracken. I need to take a break right now, but I promise I’ll ask someone later.”

Bracken looked him over again before nodding and leaving the balcony, not before saying, “You know, I’m not very experienced with this kind of party, but I’m pretty sure that if you have someone in mind you want to spend it with, you should just ask them.”, she smiled back at him, “I’m sure whoever has caught your eye is a lucky one indeed.”

He felt his heartbeat catch at her words. There was nothing lucky about his situation.

For the first time in a while, he felt like he didn’t belong.

===

He eventually did speak to other diplomats, discussing heavy topics that would normally tire him out, but his resolve to ignore Leander’s careful hands on Queen Nerea’s waist as they danced was stronger than that. Roland would strike conversation with whoever was willing, and he caught sight of Tani’s disapproving frown many times. The pirate girl was still just a child, but her perceptiveness was as sharp as ever, since of course she noticed his insistent attempts to speak about the carpaccio were very out of character for him.

The night drew on and at some point, he was hit with a desire to stop chatting. Seeing as that would put a stop to his distraction from anything Leander, he bowed in front of a young lady and flashed his most charming smile.

He danced and danced with several people, men and women all enamored with his unusual waltz style and his smiling eyes, which he kept stubbornly directed at his dance partner and not the man dancing a few feet away from them.

Roland could still see Leander’s tailcoats drifting after him like some sort of mermaid tail, as if the man wasn’t otherworldly enough. His eyes would unconsciously fall to Leander’s  legs, how his feet stumbled sometimes when Nerea whispered something to him or how his hands would grip her harder when they did a sharp turn. He tried not to imagine his own hands planted on the blonde’s sides, making them fly out the dancefloor into the starry night. How Leander’s eyes would sparkle like the moon and the countless stars.

He accidentally stepped on his dance partner’s foot, a tall man from Goldpaw that seemed more beast than human. The stranger growled a bit, to which Roland apologized profusely and showed him where to get medical assistance.

Left with no partner, he hurried to the banquet tables, where to his absolute luck, he met up with Hau Ling. She was munching on some sweets from Hydropolis before locking eyes with him. Her stance was ever graceful even as she almost choked. The fortune teller patted a napkin to her snout and spoke gravelly, “Good evening Mr. Roland.”

“Um…”, he looked over her, checking she wasn’t choking anymore, “Good evening, Hau Ling. Are you alright?”

She lifted her chin, napkin forgotten, “Yes, I apologize for my previous… accident. But I must ask you, are you well? Your aura, if you don’t mind me commenting, it’s quite dark.”

Roland raised an eyebrow, “Surely it’s well, I feel perfect.”, he retorted, grabbing a few handful of chocolate cake for good measure. Her eyes followed his every move, before touching his shoulder.

He flinched slightly at the contact, thinking of the last time someone touched him like this and he was reminded of a quiet afternoon with a blonde comforting him. He shook his head. It wasn’t a good time to think of that.

“You… your heart is clouded with envy, but most of all, the stars tell me you are in agony.”, she gazed at him patiently and he drew his eyes away from her, “I will ask again, are you well? Your heart is conflicted in a way I’ve seen before, but it’s different somehow.”

Roland sighed. She seemed to read his every thought, and apparently had dealt with this kind of thing before, so why not indulge her?

“I… I think I am interested in someone I shouldn’t be.”, he whispered, but he trusted her big ears could catch that.

She inclined her head to the side, “You don’t wish to talk about this.”

He laughed dispassionately, “Honestly, I would rather not. Talking about it means I acknowledge it exists, and I’m not sure I want that.”

Hau Ling nodded, dropping her hand from his shoulder.

“Would you still like to know what that person thinks of you?”

Roland frowned, “What do you mean?”

She smiled, “I can pick up traces of them from your aura. Desiring someone means you assimilate them somehow to your own self, so I can read them as well to some degree. Of course, if you would want me to.”, her ear twitched, “I will do it without acknowledging who this person is.”

Roland looked around. He found Evan sitting on a table next to a young boy he knew was called Chip, slight blushes on both their cheeks, and sighed to himself. He could at least try this as a means to distract himself further. Maybe Leander actually hates him. That way Roland could easily stop thinking of running his fingers through his hair or kissing his neck.

He nodded, and Hau Ling seemed satisfied. She raised a hand and closed her eyes.

Before she could speak, a finger tapped him on the back.

He turned and his heart stopped in a way that made him think he was dying, because Leander’s bright blue eyes met with his. The blonde looked awkwardly at them, like he was worried he was interrupting.

“Sir Roland, I’m so sorry to bother you, but can I speak with you for a second?”

He could sense Hau Ling about to begin her reading, so he turned over to her and touched her arm. Her eyes flashed open and looked around in confusion, until she saw him and Leander in front of her. Her dog ears twitched in what he hoped was not recognition from what she found in her reading when she spotted Leander and she smiled, bowing goodbye to Roland and her Dimension Lab companion.

Roland turned back to Leander and gave his most convincing smile, to which the other didn’t react.

“Ok, what’s wrong? Is Evan ok? How were things with the Queen?”, he asked, and it felt like he was gritting his teeth. Normally he was stealthier with hiding his mood, but the champagne had rendered him unable to do so successfully.

Leander gazed at him curiously, before coughing into his hand, cheeks slightly flushed. Roland wanted to whack a wyvern on the side of its head, “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this. I had a discussion with my Queen.”

“Alright, and what did she say?”, he hoped he didn’t sound annoyed.

“I talked to her about staying longer in Evermore. I explained the current situation and His Majesty’s disposition towards certain topics of the state, and how I would be able to assist further.”, he looked up at him and Roland felt himself grow slack. God, he was doomed, “I wish to stay with you.”

His heart hammered in his chest, and he thanked whatever kingmaker or god up there that Leander was not dogfolk, for he was sure that that way he would be able to hear his heart beat like a maniac.

“You will?”, Roland whispered.

Leander looked at him inquisitively, “Excuse me?”

“Will you stay?”

Leander gazed at him and chuckled, hiding his smile behind his hand and Roland felt he was melting. His blue eyes looked at him smiling, “I just told you that. Before you ask again in what I can see of your drunken stupor, yes, I will stay.”

Roland was about to retort that he was not drunk when Evan grabbed both of their hands and dragged them over to the center of the ballroom, “Guys, Bracken is going to record this in a memolith! Let’s go over there, please!”

Roland didn’t know why Evan insisted on saying please when they were already successfully moved to where the others stood, Bracken behind the memolith, probably setting it up.

He could still see Leander laughing at the entire thing, as if he, dare he say, felt at home. He looked like he belonged next to their unusual group, like he was meant to be there. Maybe it was the champagne talking, but he was sure he couldn’t blame the champagne for how his heart skipped when Leander locked an arm around his for the picture.

Only Bracken would know that he was not staring at the memolith at all when the picture was taken, opting to let a single mage occupy his attention.

===

The days after the ball made it seem like everything that happened during it was a dream, an oasis in their sea of work. Having his sleeping schedule fixed, nightmares almost completely gone, meant that Roland felt more well rested. It did wonders to his humor, as it did to see a certain blonde-haired mage still in their midst.

Leander had parted from Queen Nerea the day after the ball and Roland felt bad for how he slumped slightly on that harbor. He looked like he was being left behind, but when he turned around to meet them, he was smiling in a way that let Roland know that everything would be ok.

Roland had also thought through what Leander had told him when he said he would stay. What that meant for him. Delaying his marriage, being apart from the one he loved. However one looked at it, it seemed like self-torture. But he knew Leander, his commitment to Evan and what he stood for, and it would be disrespectful to dismiss his decision as something masochistic or martyr-like. He chose to stay. And his decision was his own.

Something Roland knew Leander was happy with, being able to have the freedom to choose.

The months went by, memories and feelings from the ball blurred and hazy. Forgetting them seemed easier with the influence of the champagne taken that night. He could still recall some people he had danced with, some diplomat’s daughter, a fisherman from Hydropolis, an electrical engineer from Broadleaf. Bits and pieces from that evening sometimes gathered in his scattered mind. Roland would think of what Hau Ling was about to say and regretted his past choice. Knowing what Leander thought of him would be a breach of his privacy. It made sense the one moment he would agree to that kind of offer was when he had a few drinks already in his system.

Either way, work still awaited him every day and it tired him out, but thanks to Leander and Bracken, he was working through it.

He was very surprised then, when he walked into Leander’s office and found him asleep.

The afternoon sun was against his back, his jacket strung over his chair. His bangs were scattered over the dark wood, covering important papers that definitely should not be drooled on. But Roland smiled, taking in this rare encounter patiently.

He noticed Leander was still wearing his glasses, so after a few seconds of deliberation, he leaned over to take them off his face.

Leander’s head shot up when his hand came close to his cheek. His blonde hair was disheveled comically, and his eyes were wide, blinking quickly in surprise. When he saw that Roland was in front of him, his face went red, a nice contrast to his light hair.

“U-Um… I am sorry for this—“, he stuttered. Roland was shaken in his place, he was sure he had never heard Leander stutter before, “Did… did you need me for something, Sir Roland?”

Roland coughed and handed some documents to him, “We need to sign this. It’s the bridge proposal we were discussing before. They’re permits to build it around the city.”

Leander breathed heavily, fixing his hair as he read the tiny font with speed that could rival any of Bracken’s analytic computers, “Ok. I’ll send the signed papers in a few hours. I still need to check on some things on my part.”, he was quiet for a few moments, before looking up at him, his face torn in shame, “I apologize for the delay. I had not realized I had fallen asleep.”

Roland laughed, “It’s fine, I guess it makes us even. You’ve seen me faint out of exhaustion and I’ve seen you sleep like an actual human. I honestly thought you never slept.”

“Do I seem as inhuman as that? I may be from Hydropolis but I still have human needs.”

Roland blinked away thoughts that came with that sentence, “Well, I’m glad you’re taking a break, Leander. You of all people need it.”

Leander laughed, his cloud chuckles bursting out of him, making Roland smile, “As if you of all people should say that.”

“Oh, come on, cut me some slack, Leander. We’ve been over this!”

“Sure, sure.”, Leander looked at him once again, tired eyes, unkept hair and the sun beaming behind him caused Roland to short-circuit, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Chief Consul, I have very important paperwork to do.”

“Yeah…”, Roland coughed again and prepared to leave, “Um… hey, Leander?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m glad you chose to stay.”

Roland didn’t turn around. He didn’t want to see Leander’s face as he said that. The blonde’s feelings over his stay were his and his alone, he didn’t want to intrude. He didn’t want to know if his stay was object or cause of any misery to him. But he was sure to always remind him how wanted he was with them. How irreplaceable he was.

He felt more than heard Leander’s smile.

“I’m glad too, Roland.”

Chapter Text

Fighting a rogue manticore proved to be very difficult when they realized they didn’t carry the necessary healing items. By now, they had run into a cave and separated into two groups by several other enemies that interrupted them. Roland felt worried but also slightly relieved to have seen Bracken take Evan away from the ruckus.

He huffed heavily, panting next to a weak Leander next to him. The blonde had been scratched by one of the manticore’s claws, poison painting his arm purple. He was sweating uncontrollably, and Roland wasn’t sure how he was still conscious at all.

He pressed a hand to Leander’s forehead, worrisome heat exuding his skin in waves.

“Leander, do you remember if you have any soreaways left?”, he gently patted Leander’s cheek, trying to wake him up. He frowned when the blonde leaned into his hand, probably searching for a cool surface. Leander’s eyes which were normally blue and lively were glassy, as if they could shatter any moment.

“I…I think I have s-some left in my breast pocket.”, he shivered into Roland.

Roland nodded and took hold of the jacket, cramming his hand in to search for the plant. As soon as he found it, he showed it to Leander so he could eat it. Leander smiled weakly before fainting on his side.

“Leander! Leander, wake up! You can’t fall asleep! Please!”, he shook the blonde’s shoulders and Roland noticed for the first time how thin the other was, how lithe and light his body was compared to his own. He lay Leander on his back and placed his hand above his mouth, checking if he was breathing. He found that he was, but barely. His respiration was ragged and forced and hearing him wheeze broke something in Roland.

He looked at the soreaway and ate it himself, munching as hard as he could before leaning down and pressing his mouth to Leander’s. After sliding every single leaf through his lips, he checked once more to see Leander’s condition. His breathing remained harsh, but it had begun to dwindle into more quiet puffs. The blonde’s frown drew back, face awfully calm for almost having died a few seconds before.

Roland slumped back, sighing heavily.

The situation was solved for now.

===

He had checked if Bracken and Evan were anywhere to be found, but it seemed they had left already, probably to get reinforcements. Roland also visited the mouth of the cavern, and to his dismay it was already dark outside. That meant they had to stay inside for the entire night, which meant good things, like being away from monsters, but not so good things, like being stuck in an awfully cold cave for eight hours.

Roland walked inside, to the small corner where he had left Leander sleeping. He had covered the other with his own blue coat, hoping to create a semblance of heat for him. A pile of sticks rested next to him, and Roland began to rub them until a fire was made.

Sitting down next to Leander, in the quiet of the cave, with only the crackle of the improvised bonfire made him think of the times he would camp out with his mother in the wilderness. It brought back fond memories of him and her eating in front of a tent, a great big lake next to them, the moon reflecting like a mirror just a few feet away. He remembered how the ashes of the fire would remain the day after when they had to leave, the only proof they had actually went to that spot, the only hint of their fun.

His eyes had begun to close when he heard a soft grumble beside him. He looked down to see Leander blinking his eyes open with difficulty and making an effort to rise up.

Roland pressed a light hand to the man’s chest, in a gesture he hoped was tender enough to not scare him, “Shh, Leander. Lay back down. You’re not completely healed yet.”

Leander’s eyes were glazed, but they met his, and once again Roland’s heart broke for him. He looked terrified and confused, an expression he would rather never see on his face again.

“W-What? Sir… Sir Roland…”

Roland placed a finger on the blonde’s lips, quieting him down so he could listen, “You were poisoned. You are still very weak, and you have to rest. Don’t worry about me, ok?”, and then, without intention, “I’ll keep you safe, Leander.”

Leander’s eyes widened, before blinking slowly until they closed completely. His consistent breathing let Roland know he had fallen asleep, and so he smiled and unthinkingly, brushed aside Leander’s bangs.

===

They were rescued at last, Batu and Bracken coming over with medics and some other warriors. They had looked between Leander’s unconscious form and Roland’s tiresome face with worry, but they quickly arrived back to the kingdom.

The next days had been filled with reports of the situation, how they could have managed to have prevented their accident, how they could’ve stopped the king from being threatened to this point. Roland had lost count of the amount of people who had visited his office, whether to wish him a good recovery or to ask on his condition. He didn’t know why he motivated such concern when he had only been hit in the head by the manticore’s tail. In his opinion, Leander needed that attention more than himself. But Leander had been given the order to stay in his quarters for the next four days, for his body to eliminate the poison entirely.

The palace certainly felt Leander’s absence very hard. Some government officials didn’t know who to report to, before being told to take all their qualms to Roland; clients from the Dimension Lab felt a little unsatisfied by Hau Ling’s cryptic responses to their questions, claiming they missed Leander’s more direct instructions. It was horrible that so many people in their kingdom felt so dependent on one person, but it also made him glad, because that meant that unlike Leander thought, he was very much wanted.

Thinking of Leander so much reminded him of how his lips felt against his. He couldn’t recall the entire feeling, since it was a moment of great stress, but he could remember vividly how soft they were. He knew it didn’t count as a kiss; it was foolish to think so, not having Leander’s consent for it completely discarded it as such. But even so, he let himself drift off some afternoons, trying to imagine what kissing Leander might feel like. Or even better, if Leander would ever kiss him.

Jesus, was it that long since he had kissed someone?

He was older than he looked, unknowingly to everyone, aside from Evan. He had told him one night as they travelled through Cloudcoil Canyon, of how his appearance betrayed what his actual age was. The last time he had kissed someone was indeed a long time ago. Which brought to his attention how silly his thoughts were, thinking of Leander as if he was in his teens all over again, eager for physical intimacy and love.

Roland scratched his head, ponytail more disheveled than ever, when a knock sounded on his bedroom door.

It was late in the night, which meant that Evan probably had a nightmare and needed to sleep next to him again. He scoffed and went over to open the door, only to find the object of his thoughts in front of him.

Leander wore a simple nightgown, as if he had just come out of bed. His breath was slightly hurried, implying he had run over from his room. His eyes were full of life again, and Roland couldn’t resist looking at them for a little while.

“I… Can I come in?”, Leander gasped, “If you’ll allow me, of course.”

Roland raised an eyebrow, “Sure, go ahead.”

Leander walked inside, and contrary to the last time he was there, he looked smaller and less sure of himself. He grabbed at his nightgown anxiously, looking around the room before noticing his nightstand. There were two seashells resting on the dark wood, one blue and the other pink, and before Leander could look at them further, Roland coughed into his hand.

“Do you need anything, Leander? Are you feeling better?”, Roland glanced curiously at Leander’s crooked glasses, “Your quarantine is almost done, isn’t it?”

Leander turned back at him, expression more serious than before, “Yes, I was informed that by tomorrow I should be able to return to my responsibilities.”, he looked up at Roland and walked over to him, putting a foot apart from each other.

“Bracken told me you had saved me. I don’t remember much of that night, but I recall bits and pieces. I must’ve been a burden to you, and for that I apologize.”

Roland drew back in surprise, “A burden? Leander, you’re anything but a burden. Your life was in danger, and I wasn’t going to let you die.”

Leander flinched slightly, making Roland feel a bit guilty for his outburst. But how else was he going to let the stubborn mage understand that his life wasn’t anything to laugh at.

“I’m sorry for… implying that. I am truly grateful to you, Sir Roland. I owe you my life.”, their eyes connected, a strange electricity engulfing the room and Roland felt like he had to say something.

Before he could say anything, though, his body moved on his own and hugged Leander tightly. He felt the other tense in his arms from the hurried gesture, but Roland kept embracing him until he relaxed.

He whispered to him and only him, “You don’t owe me anything, Leander. You being here, alive and well with us, is payment enough.”, he gripped his side harder without thinking, “I don’t want to have dreams where I lose you too.”

Roland heard the blonde gasp softly. He felt hesitant hands beginning to climb up his back, returning the embrace shyly. A few moments went by with them just hugging each other, until Roland let go. He could still feel the phantom warmth of the other in his arms, but it was getting late, and Leander needed all the sleep he could get.

“I think it’s time we go sleep. We have a big day tomorrow with you returning to office, so rest well, ok?”, he smiled, before he saw Leander’s expression.

His eyes widened at his red cheeks and the big fat tears rolling down his face.

“O-Oh… Sorry, I, uh...”, he breathed in deeply, “I-I should go.”

Roland had never felt as empty as when the door closed softly behind Leander’s retreating form.

===

The next few weeks, seeing Leander around turned out to be a complete rarity. If they ever saw each other, they were both in their working modes, all grave faces and serious arguments with other officials, before they both went their separate ways. Aside from matters of state, Roland almost never saw Leander. He thought it was a general thing that was happening, maybe Leander didn’t feel like seeing anyone right now, but after a conversation with Evan on how he had visited the beach with the other blonde a few days ago, he began to suspect it was an isolated situation.

He wanted to talk to Leander directly about this, after all, not communicating with each other could result in awful consequences for both of their positions. But he also understood that having been in the brink of death would cause anyone to insist on some time for themselves. He still couldn’t understand what he did wrong, though. He did nothing but try to comfort him that night he came by his room, so that meant maybe he hadn’t done a good job at that.

“Roland? Are you ok?”

He looked up to see Evan holding his teacup to his lips, eyes curious and big. Roland knew what that look spoke of. The young king was keen on knowing about how his subjects were feeling, after all. He tried to smile away his worries.

“Yes, I’m alright. Just stuck in thought, that’s all.”, he looked around, butterflies and leaves brushing past the gazebo. They had met up for tea, since they had found a space of free time in both of their schedules. Evan had looked delighted to know they would share a moment together for the first time in a while. For Roland, on the other hand, it was a chance to relax and stop thinking about stressful things, and instead spend the afternoon with the lion cub.

“Oh, it’s unusual to see you like that. Normally I’m the one lost in thought.”, Evan laughed, and Roland chuckled.

“That is true. It’s just there’s something that has been bothering me, but this is no time to talk about stuff like that.”, he served his king more tea, to which the boy responded with a tilt of his head.

“It’s ok, you always hear me out when I’m having trouble with something. I can at least listen, if you’d like.”

Roland considered blabbering his entire predicament, but he also wanted to keep Leander from being mentioned at all. He didn’t know what he would do if anyone knew he had feelings for another head of state, one that was engaged at that. He opted to lay hints, knowing Evan to be smart enough to put them together but not speak of them.

“Well, if you’re that curious, I’ll talk.”, he smiled at how similar to an interrogation this sounded, “My feelings towards someone are… complicated. I want nothing more than to see this person happy, but they don’t seem to want to see me. What should I do, my king?”

Evan’s ears twitched in interest. His eyes were wide, before his face contorted in a look of concentration. He seemed to be analyzing the situation carefully, and for that Roland could not be more grateful.

“What kind of feelings do you have for this person? I think knowing what you feel might help you out in this case.”

Roland blinked at the very mature answer. Even to this day Evan surprised him with his perspective.

“I feel affection. In a romantic way.”

The boy’s cheeks blushed, not used to this kind of conversation, “So… as in… like-like?”

Roland smiled, eyes crinkling, “Yes, as in like-like.”

“Really? Wow!”, Evan’s face was full of giddiness, curiosity and interest shining in his eyes, “I’m happy for you, Roland! You know, Bracken told me she had found you alone on the night of the ball. I had been worried about that since then, but seeing as you have a special someone, it makes sense that you were waiting for them.”

Roland was brought back to that night, to Leander’s excited news of staying in Evermore, Hau Ling’s offer and how he himself felt when he saw Queen Nerea and Leander together. He was ashamed of what he felt, it wasn’t fair to Leander, and it was completely uncalled for, but that night his feelings had become clear to him, as certain as a harsh blow to his chest. They had overflowed dangerously in a way he didn’t want. He had worked hard to reel them in, long nights of thinking deeply of what he thought of Leander and who he was to him. The time they spent apart also caused him to relax more and accept his current situation easily.

“I was alone that night because I needed to think about it. This person… I’m pretty sure they don’t feel the same way.”

Evan sat in silence for a while. Birds chirped around them, while children playing around the palace could be heard beyond its walls. The sun was strong but soft clouds, and the cover of the trees muted its heat until it was comfortable instead of unbearable.

“How are you so sure? Have you asked them?”

Roland smiled sadly to himself, eyes glued to his tea, “They love someone else.”

By now he could imagine Evan’s ears slumping down, fingers fidgeting awkwardly. He thought of Leander’s fingers, long and delicate, like a pianist, and as skillful. He thought of how he wanted to kiss each individual digit, take his hand and keep it from cramping because of all the writing he had to do each day. He thought of visiting the beach one day with him, of seeing his eyes reflect the blue sky and the blue of the waves, of him telling Roland about the sea and his home.

Thinking of Leander’s home, of who awaited him there, soured his mood.

“I’m sorry, Roland. I didn’t know.”, Evan’s apology sounded far away. The clouds had engulfed the sun, turning the sky gray overhead.

“It’s fine. I’ve thought about it completely. I would want for them to be happy, whether its with someone else or with me, I don’t mind.”

He felt Evan’s smaller hand lay on top of his own, soft palms caressing it.

“If you’re fine, then why do you have that look on your face, Roland?”

He couldn’t tell what expression he wore, which was his first mistake. The second mistake was known to him when a tear fell down his cheek. The one thing he had never wanted to do was to cry in front of Evan, but these past few weeks proved to be working against him.

Evan stood up and patted his back, and Roland didn’t feel like his own age once again, but for entirely different reasons.

He wanted to run away.

Chapter Text

Contrary to what one might think, Roland was not the best at singing. He could hold a tune as best as he could, but his voice was in no way a marvel to listen to, regardless of Evan’s encouraging words.

It had all started when the council had proposed to organize a talent show for the children of the kingdom, a festival to ensure entertainment and good health was promoted, and in turn used as a source of motivation for all citizens before winter came along. To Roland’s chagrin, the members of the council thought it even more interesting if members of the royal court could participate in order to create more momentum within the people of Evermore. A person was chosen to represent each sector of the court, and so Roland was somehow elected to fill that role.

His challenge was to sing a song, any song really, but he was so mortified over his entire situation he couldn’t for the life of him pick one. He was good in stages, would give long and meaningful speeches to huge crowds, but it was all speaking. Here, he’d have to sing and try not to sound like a dying goose.

“Mister Roland, you are slightly out of tune, haha. Let’s go from the top, shall we?”, Nereus laughed, fingers plucking the harp once again, but Roland could note a slight layer of impatience in his voice. He couldn’t blame him, really. They’d been sitting together in one of the many rooms at the palace, practicing scales and other vocal exercises that made Roland very much self-aware of how bad he sounded.

Looking out the window for a brief second, he noticed the sun was beginning to pour over the horizon. Per Nereus’ request, they did one more scale, before Roland mentioned how late it was and how he should return to his duties soon.

As soon as Nereus left, Roland walked out of the palace and went straight to the city walls. He had to climb many stairs, but he had never regretted the effort as soon as he saw over the enclosure of the city, the bright sun, the breeze and most of all, the long beach that stretched as far as his eyes could see. This habit was a new one, one he had cultivated after Evan had advised to go outside more and look at nature, saying that’s what Aranella used to tell him when he became stressed.

Looking out into the world makes you realize how small you are, and how small your problems are in turn, Evan would say, which is no suggestion a child would usually say, but the king was a strong young man, and one who had seen far too much.

It was ridiculous to think of, but sometimes Roland felt like the child between them, thrust in an unknown place and into something akin to a teenage crush. He remembered his previous crushes when he was a boy just like Evan, and even older too, how both men and women had come to his attention and how nerve wracking it was to discover that.

And now, he could feel those nerves coming back, but for different reasons.

Leander… no matter if someone included the time loop or not, he at least looked younger than Roland, but he was more knowledgeable, and he had more potential ahead of him. He had a promising future with a beautiful queen, one who loved him back wholeheartedly and waited the necessary time for his return. It was like a fairytale, perfect in all ways.

Roland couldn’t ruin that. He promised himself that, every time he watched the sea unfurl on itself on the beach, or when the wind blew past him, sea breeze on his nose.

He sighed to himself, ready to leave the matter alone, when he saw a silhouette walking over the sand. From what he could see, this person was barefoot, shoes hanging from one hand. Their gaze was steadfast over the skyline, watching the sun hide away. Roland saw who it was, and his heart did a flip so sudden he felt sick.

Leander was looking out into the sea, jacket flowing with the breeze gently. Roland wanted to come down and talk, but his posture seemed guarded. He saw him breathe in, before stepping into the waves. Slowly, he went into the water, the sea swallowing him up like a blanket and Roland saw no resistance from him. It was when his head began to be engulfed by the now dark currents that he ran without thinking. He jumped down several flights of stairs at a time, arriving at the bottom with bated breath. Roland hurried across the sand, not minding how his shoes sank into it as if the earth wanted to swallow him instead of the sea. Jumping into the water, he looked for Leander urgently, before finding him almost at the bottom, eyes closed and mouth open. Roland swam and swam, arms starting to burn at the effort, until he caught hold of one of Leander’s hands.

He saw blue eyes open in surprise, before fear overtook them.

Roland was suddenly pulled up and he noticed Leander had swum ahead of him to the surface, feet kicking the water aside unnaturally hard. It was as if he commanded the sea, and Roland found that not so hard to believe.

They both gasped loudly when they broke out of the water, and before he could say anything, Leander shouted at him, “What in Poseidon’s name were you thinking?!”

Roland stood up, coat and hair now soaked, dripping into the sand, “What were you thinking?! Suddenly walking into the sea and sinking down! You know you could’ve fainted or died, right?”

Leander walked over to him, “Me? Sinking and dying? Are you jesting, Sir Roland? I can’t do that, as long as I don’t want to. You on the other hand can perfectly do so!”

“They why did it seem like you did want to?”, Roland said gruffly, “You looked pretty content to be down there to me.”

The blonde stopped, face frowning, “It’s where I belong, in case you didn’t remember.”

Roland froze, skin prickling. The nerves were back, rendering him anxious and ready to strike at whatever the other said, but that last sentence brought him to a pause.

“You think I don’t know that? Every time I look into the sea I think that. I am constantly reminded of it, whether I want to or not.”

“Roland.”

Roland had been staring at the sand, but he looked up to see Leander’s blue eyes clear with intention and with something else he couldn’t name. The sound of his own name absent of his regular title gave him a bad feeling this time, instead of the glee it gave him in other occasions.

“Why did you jump after me?”

His heart hammered against his chest, skin wet and shivering and not because of the cold. Those words were sharp, hinting at the answer as if Leander knew. As if he knew what Roland thought of when he jumped.

“You know I can control water, keep it away from my lungs. Why did you jump after me, when you knew that?”

His eyes wavered over his blue ones, wanting to look away but wanting to gaze at them just as much.

Roland shuddered, “I’ve told you. I don’t want to have dreams where I lose you.”

The blonde walked closer towards him, and Roland saw everything, his face, reddened cheeks and soaked hair. His glasses had been lost at sea, so he could now watch his irises glow with the remaining sunlight and Roland wanted to just lean in and break whatever they had. Call it friendship or companionship, he wanted to get rid of it as long as he could offer his feelings to this man one time. His time, himself, anything Leander asked he could get.

But Leander didn’t want him. He wanted the sea. His home, his soon to be wife.

Roland wasn’t willing to break that.

“Why?”, Leander asked below his breath, eyes now downcast, as if afraid of the answer.

He couldn’t help it, he chuckled softly in self-deprecation, “You’re the smartest person I know, I think you know already.”

Leander frowned once again, “No. I am not as smart as you think I am. I want you to tell me, please.”

He looked up and his lips spoke the words he swore to never say, “I care about you. More than I should. Sometimes, I think… I think I might love you.”

Roland watched Leander freeze up, eyes wide and slowly watering, gathered tears about to spill. He looked in the verge of having a panic attack and Roland thought of comforting him but felt that would make things worse. His touch was something he could not offer to him if he didn’t want it, he could utter words that were meant to soften his anxiety, but they could perfectly do the opposite job.

“Why? Why do you… feel that way?”, Leander said in a whisper, his sentence almost stolen by the wind, “I can’t… I can’t do this; you know I can’t.”

“I know. I’m sorry”, Roland stepped away from him slowly, giving him space he most desperately needed, “I love you so much it hurts. Everything makes me think of you, the sea, the wind, splotches of ink on letters, the smell of parchment, the moon, the sky and the stars. Every moment I’ve lived these past few months it has made me think of you. Your elegance and your wisdom, but also how you get flustered easily and are weak to compliments. How you doubt yourself and feel like no one wants you, when everyone around you clearly loves you, and I’m not talking about me. Every single person I’ve seen you talk to leaves with wonder in their eyes. You make them see things in ways they didn’t before. You make me realize how small I am, and how amazingly beautiful you are. You make me consider futures that will never happen, futures I dream about each night.”

Leander was crying, salty tears running down his cheeks and lips trembling. He sobbed quietly to himself, and Roland wanted to break down and cry as well. He was pouring out everything he felt in a cascade of words and for some reason they felt like a conclusion, an ending to their story.

“… But I know you are not mine. I know I don’t exist in your memories like you do in mine. You have someone else waiting for you out there, someone you can have a future with. As long as you’re happy and healthy, I will be. But, Leander, no matter if you live in the corners of this world or in the depths of the sea, I will always be yours.”

He smiled weakly, throat clamping up and he saw Leander look down into the sand, into his shaking bare feet.

Leander muttered something under his breath, before speaking up, “I… I am flattered by your confession, Sir Roland. I believe you could have anyone you’d like with those kinds of words. Which is why I find it so hard that you’d want someone like me.”, he breathed in deeply, “I wish some time alone to myself. Out of Evermore, which I wish you could understand. I have to speak to my queen and serve her for as long as I can.”

Roland nodded weakly; eyes serious as Leander spoke. His heart broke when the blonde turned around and walked away.

He was left alone, with only the moon and the sea to watch him cry.

===

The next few days leading up to the talent show felt like hell. He did not wish to rise up from his bed, but duty dragged him up to practice. Nereus had seemed worried the first few times, fingers awkward on the harp, but slowly grew accustomed to Roland’s dull attitude. He still tried to smile, most people could not tell it was fake, but Bracken, Tani and especially Evan could clearly tell he was hiding something. He eventually told Evan, that he had confessed and was rejected sensibly. His heart still broke when Evan gazed at him sadly, telling him that he still deserved love, and he would get it someday. Feeling like a complete child, he hugged Evan tightly, crying into his hair. Evan stroked his hand on his back softly and Roland could not help but sob harder.

He ended up choosing a song from his world, and when he described its genre to Nereus he looked doubtful. It was a ballad his mother used to sing to him to cheer him up when he scraped his knee or cried over a friend leaving town. Nereus’ told him his voice fit the range of the song, so he guessed it was a good call. He wrote down the lyrics he could remember and had no trouble memorizing them. Soon, he had practiced enough to do a decent performance.

The day of the talent show came up, large crowds forming in the ballroom, of mostly children, parents and grandparents, all eager to watch their family members participate. Roland’s act was left for last, even though he insisted he’d rather not, but as always, the council members seemed adamant in making him the gran finale.

As a couple of girls danced what looked to be some kind of tango from Hydropolis, he scanned the crowd instinctively. His eyes searched for a certain blonde, even though he was sure he had probably left Evermorian shores a few days ago. He wouldn’t be surprised if he left right after their conversation by the sea. A wave of guilt went through him, and he tried to shake it off, to the surprise of the backstage workers around him. The makeup artists looked at each other before coming up to him.

“Excuse us, Mister Roland, we were sent to apply your makeup,”, the girl, clearly from Dogpaw, said worriedly.

“And also, your hairstyling,”, the boy, also from Dogpaw but with a smaller frame, whispered.

Roland could guess they worked for the opera troupe he often saw doing shows in the canine country, so he wondered if his makeup was supposed to be anything similar to that. After sitting down on a chair and watching them work, he realized that that wasn’t the case. They applied some foundation and shading to define his cheekbones, as well as some eyeshadow and eyeliner to accentuate his eyes. He looked at himself and liked what he saw. Roland could picture councilmen from his own world gasping in outrage at his current appearance, while he absolutely adored it.

His suit was tight and dark, no tie around his neck, with a bowtie sitting instead on top of his collarbone. His hair was combed to the side, hair falling gracefully over his shoulder. Combined with the makeup, he felt like an actual singer. Not the straightest singer that’s for sure. But he loved it.

He watched the other performances, trying to smile while he did so. Roland loved watching the children having fun, sometimes tripping over their own feet, or forgetting their lines, but the element of fun never left. Parents in the audience would sing words of encouragement to their children and watching the kid’s eyes light up at that made Roland’s lips rise softly. It made him think of his mother and his own son. How he missed them both.

A child with a mask came up to the stage, presented as a mysterious traveler from afar that had heard of the show. The mask was golden, with a mischievous smile on its lips, and Roland could tell the child was Evan by how they walked and handled themselves. Evan did a sword dance, one he had told Roland that Aranella had taught him, and he felt proud of the small king. His movements were graceful like the feline he was, flying through the air and landing perfectly each time. People were awed at the performance, and Roland saw the judges look at each other in contemplation. Evan had mentioned that if he did win, the price would not go to him, that it would instead be offered to whoever came next, seeing as winning as king could be seen as unfair.

Soon, his time to perform arrived. The presenter was very keen on mentioning how good of a singer he was, which he thought he had gotten the council members to eliminate from the script. The people clapped and he walked up to the stage. Some people gasped when they recognized him, while some children pointed at him in excitement.

Breathing in, he tried to calm himself, but he saw him sitting next to Queen Nerea, arms crossed and gazing attentively at Roland. Leander’s gaze was as puzzling as ever, showing so much but at the same time saying so little.

The orchestra started up and Roland had to mentally review all the lyrics to know when to begin.

His voice leaked out of him without thought, lyrics leaving his mouth like honey. He sang of the moon, of the world and two lovers drifting around it and the lyrics clicked in his mind. Of what he felt, and wanted to say, it all poured out in words his mother used to sing to him. Soon, people hesitantly joined into the chorus, and he smiled, truly smiled for the first time in days.

Quicker than he thought, the song ended, and he was left alone in the stage. The audience clapped and he bowed. When he looked up, Leander and Nerea had left already, their seats vacant in a sea of people.

The show concluded, and the judges chose the winner. It turned out to be a child from Broadleaf that had created a dog robot capable of comforting someone. Roland smiled as the small kid cried while hugging the medal and their mechanical friend, who barked and licked away their tears.

The audience soon began to leave the ballroom and several servants had begun to prepare to pick up the stage and decorations when Bracken called him over. She waved excitedly, with Evan standing next to her, still wearing his mask. He walked over to them and soon they all gathered next to one of the pillars.

“We saw you! And you said you couldn’t sing,”, Bracken winked teasingly.

“He can sing, he has sung me to sleep before, Bracken,”, Evan added, and Roland felt his cheeks go red.

“Evan, I thought I told you not to tell anyone about that.”

Oops, Evan had whispered beneath the mask. They kept chatting about the show and which performance they liked more, when Roland saw Leander leaning against one of the balconies overlooking the city. He considered walking over but decided against it, eyes looking away. Evan saw the gesture and glanced at Leander. He tugged Roland’s sleeve and whispered to him.

“Go, I think he wants to speak to you.”

Roland did not tear his eyes away from a flowerpot nearby, “Why would he want to speak with me?”

He saw Evan put on a worried face, the kind he could not say no to, and he sighed as he walked over to the blonde man. He turned back to look at Evan and Bracken but found them gone already. Roland leaned on the rail, a few distances away from Leander, but close enough to listen to him if he talked.

They remained in silence for many seconds, time sitting still as the night seemed to hold its breath. People below continued to drift out into the streets, various cheering and singing warming up the cold evening.

“I saw you with the queen,”, Roland started, “How is she?”

His heart beat against his ribcage painfully, the tension too hard to ignore. Leander soon answered, quietly, as if the night had asked that question.

“She’s well. I invited her to the celebration. I wanted her to watch how the citizens of Evermore were doing, seeing as she was interested in how we were handling the people’s mental and physical health.”, Leander smiled slightly and Roland could have stared at him all night, “She seemed satisfied when they announced the winner was someone worried over mental health as well.”

“The robot dog was a genius invention, wasn’t it?”, Roland spoke to the sky, “Kind of gives you the urge to have one, if you’re anything like me.”

“That… has something to do with why I wished to speak to you tonight.”

Roland gazed nervously at Leander, who just returned the attention, equally distraught.

“May I speak about me, Sir Roland? About what I think about… this,”, Leander whispered but to Roland it felt as if he spoke into his ears.

“You know you don’t need permission, right? But of course, please do so.”

Leander nodded gently, “I don’t wish to offend you, Sir Roland, but I am nothing like you. I have helped my sovereign rule with an iron fist for centuries. I’ve broken apart lovers and friends, have destroyed the many hopes and dreams of the people that surrounded me back in Hydropolis. I adore my queen; I have nothing but utter devotion for her, and I will continue to exact her rule however she wishes to. And… if she wishes to marry me, I am none to deny her.”

Roland’s eyes widened at his confession, but before he could interrupt, Leander kept speaking.

“I had thought that only someone like her could ever love me. Someone I had known for years and years, practically all of my life. She had taught me magic, spells and incantations that have helped me save and ruin lives. I owe everything I am to her. And even so, she has feelings for me, feelings that I cannot begin to understand because I’m just a follower, a person willing to be loyal to a fault. Sometimes I feel more like a puppet on a string than a lover. But for some reason, she thinks I am deserving of her love.”

Leander looked up at the sky. He wasn’t crying, but his voice betrayed his emotion, sadness creeping out slowly with every word.

“And so, I invited her to watch the performances, to watch you. She loved your song, she mentioned it reminded her of times long lost and I can’t help but agree. I have—”

Roland tried not to panic when Leander knelt down to the ground, no longer gripping the rail but instead holding his head, anxiety dripping out of him so badly that Roland hesitated before placing his hand on his shoulder.

“Leander, you don’t have to tell me. It’s ok—”

“—I have told her about my feelings for you.”

Roland froze. He felt completely stuck in time, his heart the only sound in his ears.

“What?”

“I… remember what you told me. In the cave. In the gardens. My office. Your room. The way you looked at me, how warm I felt… how safe you made me feel. It made me realize that… these feelings, the way my heart beats and my mind just drifts off thinking about how you make me feel, what I wish to say and do, with you… I’ve never felt it before. I get so scared. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what’s happening and I have you to blame.”, Leander looked up at him, eyes red and shining. He had replaced his glasses for a new pair and Roland found him just as beautiful, “And so, I told her about what I feel. She looked sad and I felt incredibly guilty, but then… then she said it was alright. She said that as long as I was happy…”

Roland gazed into his eyes, wordlessly asking for permission, to which Leander nodded. Roland hugged him tightly, feeling his shoulders shake and his back shiver against his touch. By now they were both sitting on the floor, the ballroom already devoid of servants, the streets lighting up the night. His heart shook with every gasp that fought its way out of Leander’s mouth, but he petted his back and caressed him softly, transferring as much warmth as he could to keep him from shaking more.

“Don’t feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t ruin any lives here, Leander.”, he whispered into his ear, “Queen Nerea had probably prepared for this kind of answer for centuries now. There was no way she could know if you felt the same way if even talking about it was forbidden. I’m sure she is sad… but she understands. The same feelings I have for you, she has for you as well. So, I promise you, she understands.”, he took hold of Leander’s cheeks, their faces close to each other. Leander closed his eyes tightly, as if he was afraid Roland would kiss him, to which Roland chuckled and brushed his hair out of his forehead.

“Give her time. And give yourself time too, as well.”, he said as quietly as he could, as if he was sharing a secret with the moon. And in some ways, Leander was like the moon. Shining and guiding others, but at the same time feeling second to the sun, reflecting its light when its own silvery glow was just as beautiful. If you asked Roland, he much preferred the gentle shine of the moon any day.

“Roland…”

“Yes?”

Leander hugged him and lay his head on his shoulder, his nose against his neck and Roland felt himself tremble at the contact. He continued to stroke his back comfortingly, no words exchanged between them, but a million feelings coming across every caress and every breath.

“Is it alright if you wait for me?”

“For what?”

“For the day I can say I love you back, confidently and surely.”

Roland smiled to himself, laughing and caressing his blonde hair sweetly.

“I will wait for you however long you need me. I would follow you anywhere.”

To the moon and back.

END