Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Yoongi’s deep grunts were sounding off in Daniel’s entrance hall, along with Daniel’s heavy panting.

"Hmm—ah, Dan— I…f-fuck…" Yoongi stuttered out.
"Missed you, missed you, missed you", Daniel chanted behind him.

Yoongi was gripping the wooden cabinet in Daniel’s doorway, on which he was bent over, Daniel’s torso pressed against his back as he was fucking into him, the rest of them fully clothed, Yoongi’s slacks and boxers only pushed down to his knees,Yoongi still wearing sandals.

Yoongi coming back from the tour hadn’t really been planned like that.

After leaving the airport, coming back from their last location in Japan, they had stuff to take care of at the building. Thankfully Yoongi was able to take a shower there and wash the plane’s grime away so he could sustain the meetings they had. Yoongi’s knee was bouncing nervously in the meeting, under Hoseok’s smug glance.

"You can’t wait to be home hyung? Something’s waiting for you there?" the younger had teased him once they were done, seeing Yoongi sort of running to get his stuff and get the hell out of there.
"Shut up", he only managed to say to defend himself.

Three months. He hadn’t seen Daniel in a whole three months. They video called of course but it wasn’t the same.

[Me 21:30]
Omw baby

[Hot neighbour 21:30]
Can’t wait to see you kitty 🐱

Daniel had been waiting patiently back home all evening for him to get back.

Since they had gotten together in September, they hadn’t really been apart at all, not with the group doing promotion and working on their upcoming tour in Seoul.

Yoongi had expected for them to have sex that night of course, but he couldn’t say he had expected to have a physical reaction to seeing Daniel after being apart for so long.

After leaving the building Yoongi had gone straight home and left his suitcases in his apartment, and trotted to Daniel’s, letting himself in. Upon hearing him enter Daniel came hurriedly in the entrance hall, making this smile as his eyes landed on Yoongi, the one that made Yoongi melt. He had opened his mouth to say something, but cut himself off with an exhale of relief before closing the distance between them and throwing himself in Yoongi’s arms. Then they clumsily started to kiss, then they just made out, and Daniel pushed Yoongi back into the door, and they rutted against each other like horny teenagers. Daniel then turned Yoongi around and positioned him over the cabinet and thankfully he had put a bottle of lube inside his sweatpants pocket, which prompted Yoongi to chuckle mischievously, to which Daniel only mumbled something along the lines of ‘always prepared’. A few fumbling minutes involving wet hands and messy clothes and Daniel pressed inside and Yoongi definitely felt like he was home.

"Missed you too—ah—" Yoongi tried to answer back amidst the violent jerks forward of his body, turning his face so Daniel could kiss him messily.
"I’m—mmm—clo—ose…" Daniel pulled back from Yoongi’s mouth to let out.

Daniel reached in front of Yoongi to jerk him off, but Yoongi was also really close, everything accelerated with how fast everything had gone, turned on by how uncontrolled they both were, doing it in the entrance hall, barely a word spoken between the two of them. Yoongi started to come, gasping, clenching down on Daniel’s dick who slowed his thrusts to groan in Yoongi’s hair.
They stayed like that for a while, both catching their breaths, Daniel leaning on Yoongi’s back and Yoongi’s arms shaking, trying to keep them upright, still bent over the cabinet.

"I missed you", Daniel repeated, voice calmer.
"Hmmm, I couldn’t tell", Yoongi teased, the smile in his voice clear.
Daniel chuckled, kissing Yoongi’s nape until Yoongi turned his head and they made out, long, sweet.
"I missed you too", Yoongi replied seriously after pulling back and sighing, facing forward again.
"I want to hug you" Daniel mumbled under his breath as he made to pull out, making Yoongi mewl out a whine, feeling Daniel’s come leak out.
"Shit, no, um...ugh, it’s dripping on the floor", Yoongi heard Daniel fuss as he held Yoongi’s trousers up for a second.
"Yeah well mine’s already all there", Yoongi couldn’t help but let out a laugh as he turned around and sat on the cabinet with a slight wince, Daniel staying close, and they laughed and kissed, Daniel eventually hugging Yoongi, standing between his legs.

Yoongi knew they were both a bit ridiculous, staying there in the doorway, but he didn’t want to let go of Daniel yet.

"Did you eat?" Yoongi asked, hand petting the back of Daniel’s head
"Yeah".
"Bed?"
"Yeah. Just a little more" Daniel answered as he held Yoongi tighter.
"Okay. We can stand here hugging all you want, with your dick out."
Daniel laughed again. His pants were still down, having fallen around his ankles, but Yoongi’s weren’t that better off, halfway pulled back in place at the top of his thighs.

"You like it when my dick is out".
"I do" Yoongi giggled out.

Eventually Daniel sighed and he pulled back, helping Yoongi down. He pulled his pants up and they made their way to the kitchen to get water.
"Oh, where’s the cat?" Yoongi asked eagerly.
"Mmm" Daniel acknowledged with a sip of water in his mouth, 'Gom?!" he called out. "Wait come, usually he’s in the window" he told Yoongi, gesturing for him to follow.

Daniel had been catsitting one of his coworker’s cat for the past two weeks, and it had taken a lot of their phone conversations time, Yoongi incredibly fond to hear Daniel complain about the cat, but also being anxious to have responsibility over it, and also being completely in love with said cat.

They found the cat, who gracefully let Yoongi pet him for a few seconds before snapping a paw at him, Daniel mumbling ‘brat’ in response. Warmth spread through Yoongi’s chest at seeing Daniel trying to parent the fluffy grey thing. Yoongi leaned towards Daniel to take his hand in his and Daniel looked back at him, smiling gently, raising a hand to push Yoongi’s bangs away from his forehead. They made their way to bed, and Yoongi could see Daniel was tired. Yoongi had slept a lot on the plane, so it would take time for him to be sleepy, even with an orgasm in.

"How was your flight?" Daniel asked softly, the both of them facing each other, lying on their sides, Daniel’s hand on Yoongi’s waist and Yoongi’s hands on Daniel’s chest.
"Good. How was your day?"
"Good."
"You’re tired" Yoongi pointed out.
"No. I want to hear you talk" Daniel protested.
"You don’t need me anymore, you’ve got Gom to replace me".
"Mmm, true. But Gom doesn’t meow when I want him to. Unlike you", Daniel replied sleepily, smug, as he squeezed one of Yoongi’s ass cheek through his sweatpants, his palm full of Yoongi’s sweetly balanced butt.

Yoongi let out a little whiny gasp of surprise, playing right into Daniel’s hand.
Smirking back, Yoongi scooted over to mount Daniel, and kissed him as he laid over him, knees on each side of his thighs, and Yoongi started to kiss around his face, his shoulders, his torso.
Before Yoongi could move downwards towards his goal, he brought his face back to look at Daniel and caught his eyes, before letting a ‘Meow’ deadpan in the deepest voice he could muster, and Yoongi felt Daniel’s dick twitch against his hip bone.
Yoongi licked playfully down until he had Daniel’s dick down his throat, the older thrashing under him and fondling his hair, hips bucking up in Yoongi’s face.

They fell asleep not long after, Yoongi’s non tiredness long forgotten when cuddled up next to a sleepy and sated boyfriend.

When Yoongi woke up, Daniel was spooning him. Yoongi shimmied around so he could look back at Daniel’s face.

The older looked tired, even if he was asleep. He seemed to have lost weight. His cheeks had slightly sunken in. He didn’t look that much thinner, but his frame was less bulky, like he had lost some muscles. Overall he was just leaner. Yoongi had felt it more against himself last night than he was seeing it now, but it was still a noticeable change for Yoongi.

Yoongi frowned at that. He had been worried Daniel had been working too much while he was away. He raised his hand to trace lightly around Daniel’s cheek. Yoongi was happy he was home. The tour had been amazing, thankfully, but he was still glad to be back…and Daniel was a big part of that.

The tour had gone incredibly well. Yoongi had been so nervous before it started, but a few shows in and everything had been back to normal, as if a whole year hadn’t gone by since they had needed to cancel everything.

They had done this whole spiel for the first two concerts in London, where the others praised Yoongi’s recovery and the whole crowd cheered for way too long. Yoongi had been flustered and had cutely tried to shut the others down, but in the end, Yoongi had needed that. Reassurance, straight at the beginning of the tour, that he was forgiven, that the fans still rooted for him. Everything had flowed normally after that. After his mixtape had dropped in September, there had been an overwhelming favorable response to the whole break thing from the fans and the news, even internationally, and Yoongi had been really grateful. The tour hadn’t been much different.

The hardest part had been being away from Daniel.

They had video called, and Yoongi had been almost constantly texting him. But looking at him now and having the older close to him was something else. Ever since Yoongi came back to Seoul in September, all the way through the beginning of the tour in February, most of his off time had been spent with Daniel. Yoongi had barely stayed at the dorms during that time, always making sure to sleep at home with Daniel, even if the both of them came back late. Most of the time, they managed to spend evenings together, and Daniel had forgone his early bird lifestyle so he and Yoongi could spend extra time together in the mornings, mostly in bed cuddling, or showering, or eating breakfast. They didn’t do anything special when they were together, mostly because they were quite busy, but also because they didn’t really go out anyway.

Spending time with Daniel was never boring to Yoongi. They talked a lot, about anything, and enjoyed spending time at home together, watching movies or eating in. And having sex.

There weren’t a lot of ways to describe what state Yoongi was in, except for domestic bliss.

Yoongi had learned a few things about Daniel that he never would have thought he’d known, things like:

— Daniel likes to sleep on the right side of the bed.

— And to sit on the right side of the couch. In fact he develops favourite spots every place he goes to.

— Daniel prefers when the dishes are pre rinsed when you put them in the dish washer because "Jesus Yoons, are you a savage or what?"

— Daniel’s favorite colour is blue ("Navy blue, or forest green maybe? Why?")

— Daniel is a big softy around animals (evidence: Holly, Gom, Bam)

— Daniel speaks fluent English and Korean, obviously, but also Japanese, Mandarin and even some French and Italian (He went to Europe a lot when he was a kid apparently, see below)

— Daniel is very patient and is a great teacher (Yoongi’s experience: Daniel helping him with his English)

— Daniel hates drinking (Yoongi had already sort of figured that one out)

— Daniel lost his virginity when he was 12 to some Italian kids while on summer vacation with his family. ("What?! 12?" "Yeah…is that young? How old were you?" "I’m not telling you")

— Daniel never saw a woman naked in person. ("Never?" "Ew, never")

— Daniel used to fence (what the fuck?) in high school. Bonus info: "I think I gave a blowjob or a handjob to at least half the team on one or more occasions. Thinking back, private all boys school wasn’t really the best place to hide my sexuality. I was a horny kid."

— Daniel actually likes to wear suits; he hates wearing casual clothes in public.

— Daniel scrunches up his nose when he comes, which is kinda cute.

— Daniel doesn’t really remember ever seeing his mom smile.

— Daniel doesn’t drink coffee, only tea, but never green, only black, with milk if he’s up for it. But never with sugar.

— Daniel’s favourite BTS song is On. His favourite rapline song is Ugh. (He described listening to Yoongi’s verse in Ugh as a "tantric experience".)

— Daniel hasn’t left South Korea in 15 years. ("Ironic isn’t it? I was all over the place when I was a kid, boarding school, New York, European summer vacations…")

— Daniel would hate to be called hyung by someone who has had his dick up their ass. (Actual quote)

— Daniel likes Yoongi’s friends a lot (speculation)

— Daniel likes it when Yoongi calls him baby (hearsay, from Taehyung, who somehow got this out of Daniel; Yoongi has been calling him baby in his best American accent ever since)

— And Yoongi’s favourite: Daniel likes to be the little spoon.

As Yoongi stared down at Daniel still, he was faced with what he had had trouble dealing with for the past months now, something heightened by the time they had spent apart.

He was in love with Daniel.

Even more than that, Yoongi had realized that Daniel was the love of his life. He had to be. Why else would he be feeling this way?

And Yoongi was terrified.
Not only was he terrified of the love in itself, but also of telling Daniel about it. Every time Yoongi pictured himself saying ‘I love you’, every moment he felt was the right moment to say it, he couldn’t bring himself to. Even yesterday, on the plane, he had pictured saying the words to Daniel as soon as he’d see him. But that had gone off the rails.

The other thing that was aggravating Yoongi’s fear of voicing his feelings was the fact that Daniel hadn’t voiced his either. Whatever they were. Although, Yoongi had accepted the fact that Daniel wasn’t really much in tune with his emotions, much like himself, except worse.
He never really broached the subject, because Daniel would just close off if he did, but Yoongi was pretty sure Daniel had never really acknowledged or faced what had happened between his parents and him.

Based on little snippets he let out here and there, when they were deep in conversation (usually after sex), Yoongi had also kind of gathered that he had been deeply neglected by them all throughout his childhood. But that was impossible to approach, Daniel changing the subject immediately whenever Yoongi would ask a follow up question. So Yoongi never pushed. If Daniel didn’t want to talk about it, he wouldn’t make him.

But all of that didn’t help Yoongi figure out what Daniel felt for him. And Yoongi was still reeling from how they got together, amidst his mental breakdown.

There was only one time Yoongi had genuinely thought Daniel was about to say that he loved him.
Daniel came back home tired one day. But like, tired. He was amidst a tricky case during that time. Yoongi wasn’t supposed to be there, they had said Yoongi was finishing too late to be home that night. (Home meant either of their apartments now, or more suitably, the 34th floor of their apartment building, which was all theirs.) But Yoongi had finished earlier, and just decided to go to Daniel’s and see if he was there. Daniel wasn’t home yet, and it was almost 10 PM. So yoongi waited.

When Daniel got home not too long after, Yoongi called from the bedroom, and he heard Daniel running over, his eyes raking over Yoongi lying on the bed, (with a book and glasses, and Yoongi knew what he must have looked like to Daniel, all soft boyfriendy). Yoongi expected some sort of ‘oh what are you doing here, we said not tonight?’, but there was none of that. Daniel had almost looked like he was about to cry…
"Hey" he simply whispered.
"Hey" Yoongi replied with a smile.
"I…I missed you today" Daniel whispered again.
That was a recurring phrase. There was something about Daniel telling him that he missed him even if they had been all over each other just that morning that was so endearing to Yoongi, making Daniel sound irresistibly cute, as if he couldn’t go a day without Yoongi…
He loves you
"Yeah? I missed you too" Yoongi replied as his heart fluttered inside his chest.

Daniel undressed rapidly and came into bed, and snuggled into Yoongi without saying anything more.
"Did you eat dinner?" Yoongi inquired.
"Mmm" Daniel only hummed in response.
"Long day?" Yoongi asked, assuming why Daniel seemed so tired.
"Mmm" Daniel repeated.

Daniel’s eyes were already shut, and he clung to Yoongi like a koala. Yoongi bent over to put his book down and to turn off the lamp, and he lied back, gathering Daniel in his arms so the older could lie more comfortably on his chest. And then:
"Yoongi?" Daniel asked tentatively.
Yoongi’s heart rate picked up.
"Hmm?" he acknowledged gently.
"I… Don’t…Don’t leave me, please".
"Leave where?"
"Leave me alone."
"Leave you alone?" Yoongi repeated, not really understand the wording of the plea.
"I don’t want to be without you."
"I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, baby. Just sleep, hmm?"

Daniel had held him tighter, and he had been fast asleep shortly after.

So Yoongi didn’t know when to say it. He had had a break while away because he resolutely told himself he wouldn’t say it to Daniel over the phone, but now, the problem was back. And it was a pressing issue.

"Hmm, Yoons?" Daniel asked, voice gruff as he shifted.
"Yes baby?"
"You awake?" he asked again as he opened one eye, face scrunching up.
"Hmm" Yoongi hummed, letting a hand caress Daniel’s face.
Daniel took the hand and brought it to his lips, gently kissing it, before shifting again and sitting up, arms circling Yoongi to drag him down again, kissing his neck.
"Missed you. Missed this", Daniel said again, hands going under Yoongi’s shirt, bunching up the fabric further up Yoongi’s torso, head going down.
"Yeah, what?" Yoongi asked playfully, body tingling as Daniel licked over his nipple.
"Waking up to you" Daniel spoke into Yoongi’s skin. "Hmm" Yoongi simply hummed, hand mechanically going to Daniel’s hair as the older kissed and nipped and licked across his torso.

"Did you suck me off last night or did I dream that?" Daniel inquired in between kisses.
Yoongi chuckled.
"What if it was a dream?"

"I think I’d better suck you off in return anyway, to thank the Yoongi from my dream" Daniel offered matter-of-factly.
"That’s a bit sad for the Yoongi of your dream" Yoongi relplied, amused.
"You and the Yoongi of my dream are the same person".

Something warm and reassuring spread inside Yoongi’s chest. Yoongi knew Daniel was just playing sappy, but Yoongi never tired of hearing things like that. Although he would never admit that to anyone.

"Sorry was that weird? I meant, because you’re like, the man of my dreams and shit…" Daniel explained in a slight panic as he raised his head, making Yoongi incredibly fond again.

"Yes, I got it, baby. Just suck me off, weirdo."

A few days after that, Yoongi brought Daniel to the building with him. Unfortunately, Yoongi had a schedule at 9 on a Saturday since they had to film a run episode. They needed to shoot a few in the upcoming week. They only had a two day break after coming back from the tour, preparations for their upcoming album well under way since before the start of the tour. Those had been spent with Daniel, who only swung by his office for a short few hours so he could spend more time with Yoongi.

Yoongi had started bringing Daniel around often before the tour, and the staff in the building knew who he was. Which was very pleasant to Yoongi. There had been a few times in the beginning where he had let Daniel to himself only to find him somewhere in the catering room afterwards being harassed by women, Daniel completely oblivious that he was being flirted with, innocently telling Yoongi he had only asked for coffee. Which was kinda hilarious. And also illegal.

But now, Yoongi’s claim was pretty much known. It helped that Daniel was always either with him or with Jungkook and the other members, so everyone knew him. Daniel-ssi, Suga’s boyfriend, not to be fucked with, let him do whatever he wants.

Daniel had been freaked out by coming to the building at first, thinking they would need to hide when they were there or something. Yoongi had needed to reassure him that everyone who even as close as set a foot in the building had signed an NDA for it. The staff could be trusted.

"Is Jimin-ah still seeing that guy?" Daniel asked him from where he was sat on Yoongi’s guest couch.
They were in Yoongi’s studio now, the filming done. Yoongi always had trouble getting his head into the episodes when Daniel was looking at him behind the cameras, sat somewhere with the staff. It wasn’t the first time Daniel had sat in on an episode. But it had gone well, all in all. Butterflies in stomach aside.
"I don’t think so".
"He didn’t say anything earlier when I saw him."
"All I know is that he tried long distance and I didn’t hear anything about the guy afterwards, so he probably slipped his mind."

Another thing that Yoongi liked about Daniel: he was gossipy.
Yoongi knew it was because Daniel listened well and always had an ear out for compromising information, so he retained everything. That, and he was extremely charismatic and charming, of course, so anyone spilled in his presence.
He always came back with weird snippets of things to say if he ventured somewhere. He even got out of Sejin that Jungkook was his favourite BTS member to manage, which, seriously, how unprofessional? But also, very understandable.
"What do you want to do tonight?" Daniel asked casually.
"You."

When Daniel didn’t answer his cheesy comeback, Yoongi looked back to Daniel staring at him.
"Very smooth" the other deadpanned, forcing a smile to break out on Yoongi’s face.
"I know."
A glint appeared in Daniel's eyes. "You know what I should do?"
"No?" Yoongi played along.
"I should punish you for losing this badly today."

Daniel was talking about Yoongi’s incredible defeat in the episode’s treasure hunt.
"Oh yeah? How would you punish me?"

Yoongi knew Daniel didn’t mean anything painful, since they didn’t do that anymore.

"I don’t know, maybe I should make you beg or something" Daniel added as he stood up and marched up to Yoongi.
"Beg how?" Yoongi tried to follow with the setting, but he was starting to get hard and he wanted to suck Daniel off, a habit of his. It wouldn’t be the first time they did something in his studio.
Daniel leaned in and rested his hands on either of Yoongi’s armrests, caging Yoongi on his chair.
"Maybe I’ll get you all nicely open, and I’ll let you hanging, ass up, until I feel like you deserve to get fucked".
Yoongi squirmed in his chair and practically whimpered when Daniel licked over his bottom lip, and let his tongue through, Yoongi holding onto Daniel’s hands still laying on his armrest as he moaned into their kiss.

Until the chime of the door rang and Daniel pushed back, Yoongi opening his eyes wide in panic, only to see Jungkook coming in, with a big smile on his face, completely unaware of what he had interrupted.

"Hey! Hyung, hyung", he greeted, one foot inside, one foot outside, as if in a hurry.
"Hey Jungkook-ah" Daniel greeted with a forced smile.
"What is it Jungkook?" Yoongi all but barked.
That brat really.
"I was looking for Daniel-hyung actually, are you coming to dinner later?" Jungkook asked like an eager puppy.

That was another thing. The other members loved Daniel. And Jungkook was head over heels for him, always going ‘Daniel-hyung told me this’, ‘Daniel-hyung showed me that’. It was kind of annoying. But also very endearing, and it made Yoongi warm and fuzzy.

Daniel looked down at Yoongi in interrogation, standing up now next to Yoongi’s chair.
"Here in the building" Yoongi explained. He would have asked Daniel anyway, no need to barge in like that, what the fuck.
"Yeah sure" Daniel told Jungkook.
"Great, see you later then!"

And Jungkook left.

"I will kill that brat" Yoongi mumbled, Daniel chuckling to the side, taking his spot back on Yoongi’s couch (on the right side).
"Don’t do that, I’ll miss the kid", Daniel only protested in return.

Later, when they made their way into the meeting room where the others had gathered with takeout food, Daniel sat next to Jimin and Jungkook, as Namjoon sat next to Yoongi to tell him about something from the album, Hoseok jumping in. Yoongi exchanged glances with Daniel all throughout dinner, and they always resulted in a knowing smile on each of their faces.

Yoongi was deeply content.

And he was in love.

The album preparations were fully under way after that, and time flew by. It was a good two months after coming back now, and Yoongi was making his way to Daniel’s apartment after a late schedule.

"Hey, it’s me" Yoongi called as he came in.
"Upstairs" Daniel called back, and Yoongi removed his shoes and made it to Daniel’s bedroom, where the other was already tucked in, looking into his phone, absentmindedly nibbling at his fingernails.
"Hey" Yoongi greeted again.
"Hey" Daniel called back, looking up at Yoongi.
"I’ll shower and I’ll come back okay?" Yoongi said casually, disappearing into the bathroom, only to come out a short moment later, still towelling his hair.
Daniel was laying on his side now, and Yoongi pushed the covers and climbed into the bed, arms encircling Daniel, hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
Yoongi gave a kiss to the older’s nape, but then he felt Daniel’s hands on his, stopping him firmly from moving them under his shirt.
"Hey…Yoons?" Daniel asked, still facing in front of him, not looking at Yoongi.
"What is it baby?" Yoongi asked, pulling his hands away.
"Do you think we could…that we could sleep?"
"Yeah?" Yoongi replied, not following.
"I mean like, not…"
"Oh, um, yeah sure baby, anything" Yoongi replied, untangling himself from Daniel’s back.
"It’s just…I’m tired and—"
"Of course baby, it’s fine" Yoongi cut him, tone gentle.
"Okay, thanks."
"Do you…do you want me to go back to mine?" Yoongi asked, suddenly feeling like he wasn’t needed.
"No, of course not. Can we just cuddle?"
"Sure" Yoongi hastily agreed.

Yoongi didn’t think any more of it, and spooned Daniel more properly before he fell asleep, forgetting his half-boner, even if he was pressing it against Daniel’s back.

It was only when he woke up with Daniel already gone for work that something seemed out of place.

Objectively, Yoongi knew that nothing was wrong, that Daniel was indeed tired and it was perfectly normal to just want to sleep. But he just felt weird about Daniel not wanting to have sex. That never happened before, and Yoongi had seen him way more tired than that and still be able able to dick Yoongi down.

Yoongi went through his day, making his way to the building, working on his tracks in his studio, going through the meeting with the producers, then with the others to prepare the album lineup.

And Yoongi thought back. Thought back to the last couple weeks, ever since he came back from the tour. Thought back to every time he had sex with Daniel.

And Yoongi realized he had always initiated it.

Yoongi’s heartbeat accelerated, whole body frozen in sudden panic. It was him that started talking about having sex with his cheesy comeback in his studio when Daniel came by to watch the run episode, it was him that let himself in Daniel’s shower to jerk him off, it was him that climbed on Daniel to grind against him when the other was already close to being asleep, it was him that tugged at his tie and sunk down to his knees before the older left for work, it was him that texted him to ask if he could ride him one night, it was him that asked if Daniel would eat him out if he made black bean noodles, it was him him him.

What did that mean?

A week passed. Yoongi didn’t have any kind of sex with Daniel, because Yoongi didn’t initiate anything, which had been Yoongi’s solution to his predicament. Which only confirmed Yoongi’s theory. That Daniel didn’t want to have sex with him anymore.

If Daniel was bothered by the lack of sex, he didn’t let it show, everything going on as usual. Their routine wasn’t even really broken by it. Yoongi still slept in Daniel’s bed or Daniel in his, and Yoongi spooned Daniel most of the time. Yoongi always went to bed with pyjamas on now, not wanting to seem like all he wanted was to have sex. And it wasn’t. It was the lack of explaining that concerned Yoongi.

A week was a lot for them. If they had gone a week without sex before, and Yoongi didn’t remember if that happened, except for when he was on tour, it was because they were both extremely busy and Yoongi needed to stay at the dorms for whatever reason.

They weren’t busy right now, though.

"Hey hyung."

Yoongi looked to the side to see Jungkook taking a seat next to him. They were in the big studio to record a song, and Jungkook had just come inside.

"Hey Jungkook-ah. Came to listen to my part?" Yoongi teased.
Jungkook was early, he needed to record his part after Yoongi’s.
"I always like your part hyung."
Yoongi laughed.
Jungkook looked like he had just showered.
"Went by the gym?" Yoongi asked the younger.
"Yeah. Did you know I lost my gym partner?"
"What?"

As far as Yoongi knew, Daniel was Jungkook’s gym partner now.

"Dan-hyung says he doesn’t want to come with me…I’ll have to bring Jimin-hyung now and hear him complain."

Jungkook had taken a special liking to Daniel, and again, Yoongi couldn’t say he wasn’t touched by it. They had started working out together, Daniel dropping by the building now instead of working out at his own office building, and they were always texting, Daniel always showing Yoongi whatever meme Jungkook had sent him that he found hilarious. Daniel had also been helping Jungkook and Hoseok with their English on a few occasions.

"Did he say why he couldn’t?" Yoongi inquired.
"Um, I don’t know? Something about his schedule? He gave me a rain check" Jungkook explained.

It was the first Yoongi heard about this.

Naturally, later that night, after they ate whatever he had the managers order for him in front of the tv, and Daniel was silently looking through emails on his phone, commenting on the show from time to time, Yoongi brought it up.

"Hey, Jungkookie said you don’t want to work out with him?" he started.
Daniel looked at him, before looking down.
"Oh um…yeah not yet. I wouldn’t keep up."
"Oh?" Yoongi asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I didn’t really work out when you were away" Daniel tried to explain.
Yoongi frowned.
"Oh no? But you like working out?"
"I didn’t really have the time. I like sleep more now."

Yoongi got closer to him and slipped into his lap to look at his face, pushing his hair back with his hands, Daniel’s own hands finding natural purchase around his waist.

"That’s good. I was worried because you had lost weight" Yoongi told him.
"Oh… you…it’s noticeable?"
"Yeah it is. I didn’t know how to bring it up. You’re sure it’s just because you’ve stopped working out? You were eating good? Three meals a day?"
"Yes, don’t worry kitty" Daniel replied with a fond smile. Then he frowned. "I’m sorry I…I know you like my muscles. Shit I…I forgot I…I’ll start going back again soon—"
"Hey, you don’t have to go if you don’t feel like it baby. I’m just worried. I don’t care about your muscles. I can do the lifting from now on."
"Is that so?" Daniel asked raising an unconvinced eyebrow.
"I’m glad. I was also worried that you would just go back to your old schedule when I was away. I’m glad you sleep more now and that you kept it up."
"Okay."

Normally, Yoongi, in this position, would grind down and let everything go on from there. Normally, Daniel would already be hard from Yoongi sitting in his lap.

But not anymore apparently. So Yoongi didn’t make anything of it, kissed Daniel’s forehead, and took the takeout boxes to the trash.

It was week 2 of Yoongi’s self-imposed sexile.

And Yoongi was in a terribly awkward position.

At first it had been fine, because Hoseok had been there as well. But then the bastard left, and he didn’t understand Yoongi’s eye language, begging him not to leave him alone with Do-hyeong.

Yoongi couldn’t bail…since he needed to go over the song with the producer. Yoongi just thought that Hoseok would stay, or that he would have to go over it with the other producers around.

But no. That was just Yoongi’s luck. Late one night, in the other’s studio. The both of them alone, Yoongi barely concentrating as Do-hyeong was tweaking things here and there, headphones on.

There hadn’t been any occasion for the both of them to be alone together since Yoongi had sucked him off on the very couch Yoongi was sat on, well over a year ago now.

Since there was always someone else in the room on the few occasions that Yoongi had crossed path with the older, there hadn’t been a reason for Yoongi to acknowledge what had happened that night. Or to apologize? Maybe he needed to apologize. Yoongi didn’t really remember much of what he might have said back then. He might as well have harassed him for all he knew.

"So the first verse could go like this" the other finally spoke, breaking Yoongi out of his thoughts.

"Uh uh", Yoongi hurriedly acknowledged, getting closer and sitting in the other chair, putting the headphones on, Do-hyeong pressing the button to let the music flow inside Yoongi’s ears.

This song was going to be the shit.

They spoke a bit about the verse, Yoongi fidgeting all throughout, but still saving face, hopefully. Then Do-hyeong went back to the track, keeping one ear clear from his headphone. Oh no.

"So uh…I met Daniel-ssi the other day" he stated casually.

What? Why?
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah…he was lounging around with Sejin, your manager? That was before you guys were on tour. Haven’t really had a chance to talk to you since then though."

Right.
"Yeah."
"He seems nice."
"Yeah…"

The older let out a chuckle.

"You know, you don’t have to feel awkward with me. I get it. It was just a one time thing. It was nice, but we work together, you know? I didn’t think much of it."
"Right, sorry for being awkward."
"It’s all right."
Yoongi sighed, anxiousness evaporating. He thought back to Daniel avoiding having sex with him. Clearly, he had bigger problems than keeping his dignity intact in front of Do-hyeong.
"I’m just…embarrassed I guess" Yoongi admitted.
"Why?" the other asked, concerned.
"It’s just…I wasn’t really feeling my best back then".

Do-hyeong didn’t say anything to that, only nodding in what Yoongi felt was understanding.

"You know, we used to talk more before that, you hung out all the time in the producer studios. I’d hate knowing you couldn’t be my friend anymore because of that."
"You’re right. Yeah you’re right" Yoongi conceded.
"I mean, you’re the only one around with any interesting music knowledge."
Yoongi smiled.
"Yeah I know. What could you possibly talk about with other people?"

They both laughed, and they then proceeded to talk music, as they would have done a year ago if they were both alone. They went over the song and more, conversing for a while afterwards.

It was refreshing to talk music with someone else than Namjoon, and Yoongi had forgotten about that, the last year having been focused on the tour and his own album, which he produced by himself, reviewed by P-Dogg only.

As Yoongi got to the dorms that night, he realized that he missed Daniel terribly. He had an early schedule in the morning and he needed to leave on time with the others, so his apartment was a no. Laying down was a gift, as Yoongi realized he felt nauseous and tired, maybe from spending too much time in stuffy studios throughout the day.

And then it hit him.

The taste still lingered in his mouth.

Yoongi drank whisky.

Do-hyeong offered him a drink, and he hadn’t thought to refuse, completely taken by their conversation, a drink shared in a producer studio being something Yoongi was so used to, it didn’t occur to him that he wasn’t supposed to do that anymore.

He didn’t drink. He was sober. He didn’t drink.

Was that why he was feeling sick?

He only had one glass.

Yoongi hurriedly got up, brushed his teeth, showered and laid back down in his bed.

Yoongi felt like telling one of the others, but just didn’t know how to explain. Was there anything to explain? It wasn’t like he had told them he would be sober forever to begin with. He had only said that he would slow down. Being sober wasn’t something he was actively doing or that he was having trouble with, even. It was just how he was now, trying to keep balance. Drinking wasn’t encouraged with his medication, but just a glass wouldn’t throw them out of balance.

All of this didn’t change the fact that Yoongi was almost 15 months sober. All gone now, because what? He was distracted by habit?

Yoongi felt so stupid. Objectively, it shouldn’t be a big deal, since he wasn’t drunk and he didn’t feel like drinking more. On the contrary.

Yoongi decided he wouldn’t think about it or tell anyone.

And he fell asleep.

It was almost July now, and it was very hot outside. And it was also week 3 of Yoongi’s new abstinent lifestyle.

Yoongi had the afternoon cleared so he could swing by the hospital for a check up on his shoulder. His physical therapy was mostly done now. He did some exercices regularly with a trainer to keep the area nimble, but the medical part of it was done with. It was mostly painless. He couldn’t do some specific movements, but it didn’t hurt if he tried them, it just blocked.

Sometimes it strained, like it had towards the end of the tour, but that was normal. All in all, Yoongi was grateful he could dance again. Even if dancing was never really his thing, he still enjoyed it, and he enjoyed performing.

Daniel insisted on coming, like he did most of Yoongi’s appointments.
They met up in the specific area of the hospital after Yoongi was dropped off with a manager, and while said manager handled the secretary, Yoongi was busy smiling at Daniel, Daniel smiling back smugly.

Yoongi went through some exams, and was told to wait in the doctor’s office, where Daniel joined him.

"How is it" Daniel asked him as he sat down next to him.
"It’s fine, like it has been for the last months."

Daniel only smiled knowingly, and pushed Yoongi’s hair away from his forehead, his fingertips lightly brushing his skin.

The gesture was meant to be sweet, but Yoongi held his breath at the contact.
He really needed to get over this sexile thing, and soon.

"Yoongi-ssi" the doctor’s voice sounded off as soon as the door was opened, and Daniel retreated his hand swiftly, pushing his chair further away from Yoongi in what Yoongi assumed Daniel thought would be a subtle shift.

Daniel was still very fidgety when it came down to anything public. Yoongi couldn’t blame him for that, even if the distance he arbored in cases like these was always sort of hurtful. Especially now, since everything in his brain was screaming at him that Daniel was ashamed of him being his boyfriend, so much so, that he didn’t even want to have sex with him. But Yoongi knew his brain was wrong.

The doctor concluded everything was fine, and this would soon be the end of it, a year now after his surgery. He went back home with Daniel, having the rest of the evening to themselves.

Yoongi knew when he woke up that morning at the dorms that he would have the whole evening to spend freely with Daniel. Hopefully, that meant that Daniel would want to have sex.

They sat down together on the terrace with tea and a light snack since it was late afternoon, even though Yoongi complained it was too hot to stay outside, and Daniel left to go the bathroom.

Yoongi looked down at his hands, starting to get extremely nervous, for no reason. This was just Daniel.

As Yoongi resolutely decided that he would ask Daniel if something was wrong when he came back, Daniel’s phone pinged from the table.

Yoongi leaned over mechanically to look at the notification, and got a good outside look at himself. Jealous boyfriend looks into his hubby’s phone. Yoongi hadn’t really known he was jealous, until he read the texts popping up sideways, unable to stop himself.

[Jihoon 16:24]
…?
So is he still there?
Can I come over?

Yoongi looked back ahead way too fast, head moving as if he had been slapped. He even turned the phone over, without looking back, to make sure he wouldn’t see anything more.

Yoongi pushed the texts to the back of his mind, something familiar turning in his gut.

But like he was used to, he ignored it, and blocked it from his mind, following along with the night pleasantly, speaking normally with Daniel. He didn’t even flinch when Daniel looked at his phone and seemingly replied something to the text. As expected now, Daniel didn’t make a move when Yoongi only started to cuddle in bed later, keeping his pyjamas on, and Daniel cuddled back, soon falling asleep next to Yoongi.
When Yoongi was sure Daniel was asleep, he sat back, and looked down at Daniel’s sleepy face, the turning in his gut too strong to ignore, as tears rose to his eyes.

Yoongi shouldn’t cry. This was to be expected, he told himself. This was okay, this was known territory, this was always how it was supposed to end. This was how it always ended.

Daniel was cheating on him.

Chapter Text

Why would Daniel cheat on him? Why would he go to these lengths to show Yoongi he cared and then just…do this?

There was only one logical answer. Daniel was not cheating on him. Yoongi was being paranoid, completely irrationally paranoid. It went even beyond jealousy, he didn’t even know this Jihoon guy. Just the thought of Daniel going behind his back and deceiving him made Yoongi’s skin crawl, his insides bunch up together and his heart clench.

But this was not happening. This wasn’t like before. Like…Like Chan.
Daniel loved him.

Or did he? He never said it.

Yoongi was pacing nervously across his studio. He was done with his schedule for the day. He didn’t want to be thinking about this for too long at a time, but there was nothing to redirect his mind to now. He was supposed to give another listen to the re-recordings, but he couldn’t do that now.

Why would Daniel cheat on him?

The sex was on the list. Maybe Daniel didn’t like sex with Yoongi as much as he let on, and he broke his act the other day by saying he was too tired.

Maybe Yoongi was just too clingy and Daniel needed a break?
That seemed more likely. What would be the point of faking his pleasure every time they did it? And they did it a lot.
Except not in the last three weeks.

Maybe the tour gave Daniel the perspective and distance he needed to see how much Yoongi depended on him?

Maybe it was because he had gained weight?

Yoongi sat down on the floor to put his head between his hands as the thought crossed his mind.

Don’t go there Yoongi.

There had to be something else. Daniel wouldn’t just cheat on him because he was too clingy.
Yoongi continued his mental investigation, ongoing since the night before. Why would Daniel have the guy’s number when all he ever did before meeting Yoongi was hook up with strangers? Wouldn’t it be easier and more sensible to cheat on Yoongi with another stranger?
Except maybe Daniel had finally met someone worthy of his time, and that was why he was cheating on Yoongi. It wasn’t just sex cheating. It was Daniel being completely disinterested with Yoongi because he was in love with someone else.

But that didn’t make sense. Daniel wasn’t completely disinterested in him. He acted like everything was normal. They were normal for him, but they weren’t for Yoongi, meaning Yoongi was making a big deal out of nothing. It was all on him.

Yoongi knew he could just sit there spiralling until he had an anxiety attack.
But that wouldn’t do any good.

He took his keys and ventured out of his studio, wandering to Namjoon’s. When the younger opened the door for him, he was already in half a conversation with someone else.
"Hey Yoongi hyung, come in", he said simply with a warm smile before continuing what he was saying.

"Yoongi-hyung!" came from the couch as Yoongi stepped in.

Namjoon was talking with P-dogg, and Taehyung and Jimin were sitting on the couch.

"Hey Jiminie", Yoongi replied, "Taehyung-ah". Yoongi greeted as he sat down next to them, Jimin putting an arm around his shoulders to bring him closer.

And Yoongi already felt a bit better.

The younger ones continued their conversation about Jimin’s solo song, and Yoongi soaked in the warmth of their presence before jumping in, putting the thought of Daniel scrunching up his nose as he came inside someone else at the back of his mind.

When Taehyung left with P-dogg and Namjoon got back to his headphones, probably to listen to the rerecordings, as Yoongi should be doing, Jimin took his hand in his.

"Hyungie?" he asked tentatively.
"Yeah?" Yoongi replied casually.
"Are you okay?" Jimin asked with a resigned expression, warning he wouldn’t take a lie for an answer.
"Yeah" Yoongi lied anyway.
"Tell me what’s wrong", Jimin commanded.
Yoongi sighed.
"It’s…it’s Dan…"
"What did he do?" Jimin asked, tilting his head in apprehension.

Yoongi didn’t want to say what was really on his mind, how he thought Daniel was cheating on him. Jimin would ask for Yoongi’s evidence, then understanding he virtually had none, would maybe try to convince him otherwise, and Yoongi would just feel even crazier than he already felt. No.
Anyway, Daniel wasn’t cheating on him.

"Nothing I swear, it’s just…I’m not sure if something’s wrong and it’s killing me."

Jimin motioned for them to move aside, his hand on Yoongi’s arm, so Yoongi could face him.

"Why aren’t you sure? What could be wrong?"
Yoongi sighed deeply again.
"We haven’t had sex in three weeks, and I don’t know what it means. And three weeks is a long time for us by the way."
"Okay…did something happen three weeks ago?"
"He… he said he didn’t want to because he was tired. He never said no before. And I didn’t make much of it at first…but then I just didn’t make a move at all and he…he doesn’t either. We just cuddle. And it freaks me out, I don’t know if I’ve done something wrong."
"Okay…I imagine you didn’t tell him any of this?"
"No…"
"Okay. Did you like, insinuate you wanted to have sex since then or…"
"I did…even though I didn’t ask him point blank."
"Of course you didn’t" Jimin gently sermoned.
"It’s bad isn’t it?" Yoongi asked in a small voice, hating how insecure he was over all of this.
"No hyung, it’s not bad at all. Maybe he’s waiting for you to be blunt about it?"
"He never did that before…and I…I sort of realized that for a while after we came back from the tour…I’m always the one that initiates sex. Him saying no made me realize that."
"Okay… so when he said no that one time what did you do after?"
"We cuddled to sleep?"
"He wanted you to cuddle him?"
"Yeah, he asked me to cuddle him instead."
"Big spoon or small spoon?" Jimin asked as if his question was very scientific.
"Small spoon, him."
Jimin smiled gently.
"This is nothing to be worried about hyung. I think he really was tired that day. Maybe he’s been tired ever since?"
"But he hasn’t told me that…" Yoongi protested.
"I hate to break it to you hyung, but your boyfriend is as talkative as you are."
"Yeah…" Yoongi conceded.
"Tell him hyung. Tell him you want to know what’s wrong."
"I knew you’d say that…"

Jimin ruffled his hair.

Yoongi didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t just talk to Daniel now. If he asked Daniel about what was wrong, the older would tell him they were over, that he had found someone else, and Yoongi didn’t want that.

Since he’d been thinking more about how Daniel might feel about him, there was something else that had been bothering Yoongi.

He practically knew nothing about Daniel.

He knew the overall spiel and what his favourite colour was. And what he sounded out like when he came.

But.

Daniel never spoke about friends or anyone else in his life, nobody ever visited him, he never visited anyone himself…that Yoongi knew of.

He never introduced Yoongi to any of his colleagues. It had been almost 11 months they were together.

As far as Yoongi knew, he was the only person he spoke to all day outside of work.

Of course Yoongi knew he wasn’t being entirely fair, since he knew Daniel didn’t have any family and that he didn’t do much outside of work.

But now…the fact that he never spoke about anyone, ever, was starting to be suspicious to Yoongi. Maybe their relationship wasn’t that serious for him. Cleary it wasn’t, since Daniel was allegedly cheating on him.

Yoongi was sad of course, and wanted to tell Daniel he knew he was cheating on him, wanted to be mad but…he just felt stupid. He had fallen for it again. All these months, things had been too good to be true. There was bound to be a bad ending.

After all, Yoongi couldn’t have everything.

It was only a few days after that that he and Daniel were invited over at Namjoon’s for a party. The others would be there, and also a lot of people from the company, their managers and producers and whomever Namjoon was good friends with. The party had been planned for a while now, and Yoongi had only started to recently dread it, because it meant he would have to play pretend with Daniel. At least, he wouldn’t pretend. Daniel would, since he was cheating on him and he still acted like they were the perfect couple.

Yoongi had secretly hoped that Daniel would make an excuse not to go, and then Yoongi would have known for sure.
But no.
Daniel was excited to go, and was all fluffy about it, humming songs and kissing Yoongi’s nose and cheeks as Yoongi came back into his room after his shower, and Yoongi admonished him to hurry up or they would be late, and everything seemed way too normal and domestic between them for it to be compatible with all the anxiety he was feeling.

Yoongi was scared he would lose all this.

Daniel went back to his apartment to shower and Yoongi was scrolling on his phone mindlessly waiting for him to get back so they could leave.

Yoongi was also dealing with being mad at himself. He recently came to terms with the fact that he was jealous. Who did this Jihoon guy think he was anyway?

"Ready? I’ll drive."

Yoongi looked up from his phone, and was stunned silent.

Daniel always dressed nice, but this…Daniel looked like he was about to attend a wedding. A wedding somewhere fancy. He was wearing some silk modernized hanbok and he looked amazing…

Maybe Jihoon was gonna be at the party?
Was it someone from the Big Hit building, and not Daniel’s work? Daniel went there all the time to work out.

"Everything all right?" Daniel had started to frown in concern now.
"Yeah, let’s go" Yoongi finally said with a smile.

Yoongi let Daniel drive them to Namjoon’s, and on the way Daniel took his hand and held it as he was driving.

Why why why why why why why.

This was torture.

As soon as they got there, Daniel was swept away by Taehyung and Jungkook, and he waved a little goodbye at Yoongi.

Yoongi himself was taken by the arm by Jimin.

"So…did you talk to him?" the younger asked when they were somewhere quiet in the kitchen.
"Not yet…soon."
"It has to be soon hyung…Don’t torture yourself" Jimin admonished.
"I know. I just don’t want to think about that right now."

Jimin looked at him with an understanding smile, and they talked about something else. Soon they were joined by Jennie who started complaining about Jin, and Yoongi laughed. And then they ate from the delicious catered food as they continued talking, and Yoongi was almost having fun. Jimin wasn’t drinking anything, and he definitely would have if Yoongi weren’t there, and the realization made Yoongi terribly guilty. They all had been careful around him, and he just didn’t bother to keep up with his own efforts the other day.

Yoongi realized he hadn’t seen Daniel anywhere since they got there, and he put together a plate to bring to the older, and ventured around Namjoon’s villa, smiling politely to people who accosted him.

When he spotted him from afar, seeing him standing talking with Jungkook and Taehyung, he started walking towards them. Then something made him stop dead in his tracks.

Daniel was laughing, at something Taehyung said, and the younger had a hand on Daniel’s arm.
Jungkook was laughing too, with one hand in front of his teeth, meaning he was really into it.
Taehyung’s hand moved and it was on Daniel’s shoulder now, as he slid even closer to the older, saying something else that made the three of them laugh, Daniel leaning forward into Taehyung’s space as he clapped a hand on his thigh in laughter.

Taehyung looked really nice that night. The whole V getup, a brown vintage designer 3 piece suit, with high waisted trousers, a white shirt and a red tie, his hair wavy on his nape, his big smile taking up all the space on his handsome face.
And Jungkook, who could have worn a weird oversized outfit like he usually did, but had decided, tonight of all nights, to wear black tight slacks and a black shirt open enough to see the dip of his pecs splitting around his sternum, all golden glory of skin, hot messy ponytail hair and face piercings.

And the both of them next to Daniel’s best man attire…They looked good. All three of them. All handsome, no doubt about that.

Yoongi looked down at himself. He was wearing his comfy sandals with lined sports trousers and a classic white fg shirt, another version of what he wore to work that day. If he were to join them, he’d be the odd one out.

Yoongi looked back up. Jungkook was shoving Daniel lightly, their shoulders brushing, Jungkook tugging at the older’s sleeve.

Daniel probably thought Taehyung was way classier, that Jungkook was hotter.
That maybe after Jihoon he could get Taehyung too.

Maybe he already had.

The thought was just burning a hole through Yoongi’s stomach, setting everything ablaze. Not only was it hurtful, but Yoongi felt nothing but shame in mixing up his friends into his suffering. They didn't do anything wrong, they didn’t deserve Yoongi putting the blame on them.

Yoongi turned around and avoided glances thrown his way to hide in the upstairs bathroom, where the guests wouldn’t go.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

He’d never look like Taehyung or Jungkook, but the least he could do was make an effort. First party in almost 6 months that they go to, and he showed up in his everyday clothing.
No wonder Daniel got tired of him.

Yoongi didn’t realize he had started silently crying.

This was really pathetic.

Yoongi just then registered he was still gripping at Daniel’s plate. It didn’t take long for Yoongi to eat everything on it.

Now this was pathetic.

Taehyung had lost weight recently. And Jungkook was at his lowest fat percentage ever. He knew because they talked about it, they were already fully into comeback mindset.

Yoongi looked back at his reflection. He gave a quick glance at the toilet.
A really quick glance. It brought him back from his spiral.

Yoongi knew he was only weighing 59 kilos. He weighed himself every week. Still 59. No matter what he felt, he was still 59. Tomorrow, he’d only have one meal and gain control again. It was a bit drastic, but it was better than what he desperately wanted to do now to punish himself. That’s what his therapist told him to remind himself. 59 was the comfortable number. He was comfortable. Sometimes his diet took control a bit, but sometimes he indulged. Like tonight. Maybe tonight was going overboard a bit, but still. If he made himself sick, just this once, he wouldn’t know how to stop. Losing weight wouldn’t be the answer. If he lost weight, he would be sick again.

Daniel didn’t care about his weight. Or if he wore whatever the fuck he wanted to parties. It wasn’t the reason. He needed to let this go.

He splashed water over his face to try to help will away the queasiness he felt at being a little more than full now, and he went back downstairs, denying any thought of indulging the glance at the toilet.

"Yoongi-ah we need a fourth player" he heard Seokjin shout at him from somewhere, and Yoongi beelined over there, pretending he was fine, playing a game with his hyung, Yeri and Jennie. He barely understood how to play since he couldn’t concentrate on the rules at the beginning. It was all right, it made the others laugh.

"Hey Yoongi-ah, Tae told me there was trouble in paradise for you and Daniel?" Seokjin asked between two plays.
Why would Taehyung be saying anything about it if it was Jimin who asked him…yeah, right.
Jennie looked at him intrigued.
"Something wrong with Daniel? But you guys are so perfect together?" she asked in worry.
"What’s wrong?" Yeri tagged in.
"He…we haven’t had sex in a while", Yoongi disclosed, even though a bit embarrassed to talk about this in front of Yeri and Jennie. And Jin too, to be honest. They never talked about those things together.
"That’s it?" Seokjin asks, incredulous.
"Yeah…"
"Nothing to worry about Yoongi-ah, I’m telling you. It happens when you’re with someone. There are periods where you just…I don’t know…you keep to yourself" Jennie told him softly.
"But…but I don’t want that" Yoongi pouted.
"Just think of something spicy", Yeri told him.
"What?"
"Think of something spicy, just a little setting, to make it clear sex is on the table again, something he won’t resist. Then you’ll be up and running again", she told him with a glint in her eye.
"Oh…"
"When Joon-ah’s playing too busy and he ignores me, I make him acknowledge me" she explained.
"Yeah Yoongi-ah. Trust me. Daniel is mad about you. Anything you’ll come up with, it’ll be a killer" Jennie added, smirking.

Why did they all know what Daniel was feeling and he didn’t?

Later that night, when they got home and got into bed, and Daniel took him in his arms, kissed the top of his head, and fell asleep, Yoongi figured it was time to use the big guns.

Another few days later and Yoongi was scheming to put the girls’ suggestion into play. He had made sure Daniel would get home early that night, since he himself had half of the afternoon off.

Yoongi had done some online shopping. His cheeks had been burning red all throughout the process of ordering.

But what he had gotten…

It was sure Daniel would love this.

They had role-played here and there since they got together. It had started with them recreating the neighbour thing in November. It had been spontaneous a bit. Daniel had texted Yoongi that he had just gotten home and asked if he could come over, since he didn’t want to cross over to Yoongi’s. Yoongi had found it cute, and had rang at the door instead of letting himself in. Daniel had been so spontaneous in answering as if Yoongi was a stranger, that Yoongi had played along, surprising Daniel in turn, and so on…

A success.

The next time had been planned better. It had involved strawberries and whipped cream and Yoongi in an apron, only an apron. Very successful also.

Then the next time, when Daniel asked bashfully if they could do something along those lines again, Yoongi gave him carte blanche, and Daniel pretended to be a fan Yoongi brought home after a concert, after Daniel went to pick him up at the building. Weird, but extremely arousing.

So now here Yoongi was. In the shower, making sure to clean everything thoroughly, and easing himself open in the process.

He got out and stayed completely naked, lubing his fingers, the items he had ordered neatly put on his bed in front of him. He was fingering himself properly, getting fully aroused way too fast, since he was a month abstinent now.

Once Yoongi was satisfied, he redirected his attention to the objects, lightly grazing the buttplug with his fingers. The fluffy end tickled the back of his hand.

He took the other thing in his hand first. Shiny, new and incredibly soft, the black fur identical to Yoongi’s hair colour.

Cat ears.

Yoongi was about to put them on…

But couldn’t.

Yoongi’s smile vanished. In a flash of lucidity he felt so ridiculous.
This wasn’t it. This wouldn’t fix anything. This was what he wanted. It wouldn’t make Daniel interested in him again. Daniel would just find his attempt pitiful. He’d look like he was trying too hard.
If he showed this part to Daniel he would just be even more vulnerable to his rejection.

What if Daniel laughed? What if this Jihoon guy already dressed up nicely when they were having sex?

This wouldn’t do…He couldn’t do this anymore. He’d have to tell Daniel that he knew. He couldn’t let it go on, like he had with Chan.
Except Yoongi was too much of a coward for that. A part of him still believed none of this was true, and that Daniel loved him.
Yoongi went to wash the lube in the shower, and put the objects away, somewhere deep in his wardrobe. He got dressed in oversized clothes and with tears threatening to spill, he grabbed his phone.

[Me 18:21]
Hey baby, I have something early tomorrow after all and I was sort of thinking it’d be best if I stayed at the dorms tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow?

[Hot neighbour 18:22]
Yes, of course. See you tomorrow 🙂

What a fucking coward.

At least it was a little blessing that Daniel didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. Otherwise he’d only think about comparing himself to Jihoon while they did it.

Yoongi knew what he’d be doing right now, if he wasn’t 15 months sober. Or rather, 2 weeks sober now.

A glass of whisky would just take the edge off. It always had.




Just one glass.

Chapter Text

Daniel was in the process of jerking off to Yoongi.

Which was all sorts of embarrassing.

First off because of how Daniel was jerking off to Yoongi. He had the Daechwita mv playing on loop on his laptop and a random photoshoot he found on Pinterest open on his phone.

Then there was that he was actually in Yoongi’s apartment, in his bed, rolling around in his pillows and sheets, which still smelled like him, for now.
And lastly but most embarrassingly, Yoongi had only been gone for a day. He had literally just left for the tour, that very morning, and Daniel was already missing him, hence the desperate jerk off session. The desperation wasn’t so much related to already missing Yoongi, but to the anticipation of missing Yoongi.

Three long months. Without Yoongi.

Daniel came over his hands and laid in the bed (Yoongi’s), all dirty, thinking.

Thinking it wasn’t even time to call him yet, since Yoongi had just landed in London and was busy straight off the bat. All he wanted to do right now was to call him, and Daniel knew the urge wouldn’t go away the more time they spent apart. It would only grow.

Daniel sighed.

For the last weeks he’d been dreading this moment, the moment where he’d be alone again. And it was even worse than Daniel had expected it to be.

For the last months, his whole life had revolved around Yoongi. And Daniel had never been happier. In fact, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever been happy before. Being with Yoongi was simple, comforting.

And Yoongi.
Yoongi Yoongi Yoongi Yoongi Yoongi.
Yoongi had been doing incredibly well. Daniel much preferred this version of Yoongi, the one he didn’t have to be worried over, the one he just needed to be in the presence of.

Attentive, caring, beautiful Yoongi. Soft, witty, adorable Yoongi. All day, everyday. Happy Yoongi.

Daniel had realized in the last weeks, dreading Yoongi’s departure, how much he depended on Yoongi now. His life had mixed with Yoongi’s in a completely organic way, and being with Yoongi was now vital to how he viewed himself as a person. When he was at work, he missed him. When Yoongi couldn’t sleep at home one night for whatever reason, he missed him even more. Daniel wanted his opinion on anything he did, he wanted to hear him talk, laugh, whine, he wanted him near him, he wanted to kiss him, fuck him, lick him, touch him. All the time.

Daniel didn’t know what to do with all of that. So he was holding himself back. To protect himself as best he could, even though his guard was completely down now and the damage would probably be irreversible, if he showed Yoongi how much he needed him, how much he meant to Daniel, how Daniel wouldn’t be able to function if he were to leave his life.

So he was holding himself back.

Rationally, Daniel knew Yoongi couldn’t have done anything if Daniel had begged him not to leave. Yoongi needed to leave, he needed to go on that tour, that was his job. And Daniel would never have asked him to stay.

But Daniel had had to control himself, in the last few days especially, not to crack in front of Yoongi, not to cry about how much he’d miss him.
The last time Yoongi left like that, he barely came back. Of course Daniel knew Yoongi was better now, and there was nothing to be worried about.

Still. Daniel kept having that dream, where he received a phone call from Namjoon, sometimes Jungkook, that told him something had happened to Yoongi. Sometimes, he dreamt he found out on the internet, a notification from whichever that famous idol SUGA of BTS had been found dead in his hotel room.

But those dreams were the least of Daniel’s concerns.

The primary concern was that Daniel was used to people now, and it was like he had forgotten how to be alone. Yoongi was always around, and Daniel was now friends with people from Yoongi's life, and Yoongi’s family considered him their own. Even Holly wagged his tail when he saw him.

The first time Daniel met Yoongi’s bandmates, sometime around early October, it had been a bit hectic. Yoongi had proposed he came by the building, so he could show Daniel where he worked. They had only ever seen each other at their apartments by that point.
Daniel was excited to take a look inside the Big Hit building. But meeting his friends…Daniel had been afraid.

Daniel knew he wasn’t exactly friendly per say, and he never really bothered to be liked or be pleasant to other people. All in all, he just didn’t really care what people thought about him.

But this was different. This was about Yoongi. He had to be liked by his friends. It counted. He hadn’t needed to make friends since high school.

Daniel had already met Jimin, although not under the best circumstances, and also Hoseok and Jungkook, but he didn’t think that Hoseok even remembered him and Jungkook had flat out cussed him out. So…he wasn’t even off to a good start.

The first part of that day had been amazing. Yoongi showed him his studio, the practice rooms, the recording rooms, the grand tour. Yoongi went around introducing him as his boyfriend and Daniel went all fuzzy every time the word escaped Yoongi’s lips. Yoongi had assured him that the building was safe, and Daniel had felt just that all throughout the day.

Daniel had already met Yoongi’s group manager, Sejin, at Yoongi’s place, to sign a contract, three days after their first date. Daniel had been shocked at first that Yoongi had told his management team about their relationship this soon. But also grateful. Yoongi knew what he was doing, and was so sincere, and frank, and unafraid. Yoongi had been terribly embarrassed about the contract thing, but Daniel had understood. Even then, he had felt Sejin was a good person, who looked after Yoongi well. Or at least tried to.

"So…do you want to meet the others?" Yoongi asked him, the both of them in Yoongi’s studio eating sandwiches.
"Yeah, of course" Daniel said, body tingling with nervousness.
Yoongi took him somewhere the six others were all gathered, all springing to their feet the minute they came in.

"Hello Daniel-ssi" Taehyung greeted, bowing in front of him.
"Daniel-hyung, nice to see you. Did hyung give you the grand tour?" Jimin asked with a big smile.

"Yes he did, quite the place" Daniel replied with a smile as well, put at ease by Jimin’s warmth. He hadn’t been anyone’s hyung in a while.

"Daniel-ssi, very nice to finally meet you in person. Yoongi-ah won’t shut up about you" Seokjin spoke up next.
"Shut up" Yoongi told his friend.

"Daniel-ssi, nice to meet you" Namjoon bowed in turn.

"Daniel-ssi, nice to meet you too, Yoongi-hyung does talk a lot about you" Hoseok said cheerfully. He got closer to Daniel with his hand still in his. "I’m uh…I’m sorry I don’t remember much meeting you the other time…"
"It’s fine. I wouldn’t either" Daniel reassured him.

"Hello, Daniel-ssi" Jungkook bowed next, and Daniel couldn’t help but hear the irritation in the younger’s tone.

"Oh um, hyung is fine, you’re all younger than me", Daniel replied, spurred on by Jimin, looking at the rest of them as well.
"Even me?" Seokjin asked, looking at Yoongi in surprise.
"Yes, even you hyung, you old man" Yoongi muttered.
"Daniel-hyung! Amazing" Seokjin gasped in excitement.

They all proceeded to tell him lots of things at the same time. Daniel couldn’t help but smile fondly as he replied and tried to follow the conversation, seeing how Yoongi looked proud to the side.
He could feel Jungkook size him up as the younger was the only one to stay silent.

"Wait Daniel-hyung, Yoongi-hyung tells us you’re good at eating—" Taehyung started to say, speaking over Namjoon.
"Okay, nothing else to see here, everyone met, let’s go" Yoongi cut in, taking Daniel by the arm.

Jimin and Taehyung were giggling off to the side as Daniel waved them goodbye.

"That went well?" Yoongi told him on their way back to his studio, half a statement half a question.
"Did it? I thought Jungkook was about to punch me in the face."
"I thought you didn’t like it when people called you hyung?"
Daniel raised a brow.
"I never said that?" he replied.
"Why can’t I call you hyung then?" Yoongi pouted.
"Because I’ve had my dick up your ass."
"No hyung kink then?"
"Sorry Yoons, we just have to stick to kitty and Dan."
"Mmm. It’s just as well" Yoongi waved off.

This first encounter had been the first of many. Not long after, Yoongi had invited him to the group’s Chuseok celebration, so Daniel had seen the members again. He also met Yeri, Namjoon’s girlfriend, and Jennie, Seokjin’s girlfriend, who were both really funny and kind to him.

"Daniel-ssi, can we talk?" Daniel heard someone address him from where he was sat next to Yeri and Jennie, interrupting their conversation. The two girls shared a look. Daniel looked back to see Jungkook standing next to the couch.
"Sure" he said casually, standing up and following the younger to the balcony of Jin and Jennie’s house, where the party was. They both sat on the deck chairs there, facing one another. Until Jungkook stood up again to begin talking.
"So…I just wanted to say", Jungkook started, tone bored, "the others seem to like you and all, but I…I don’t want to come off as rude but…I’m not sure hyung needs a relationship right now, and I’m not sure you’re the right person for him."

That was worse than how Daniel pictured this conversation would go.

"Excuse me?" he asked.
Jungkook sighed, looking annoyed.
"Look, I know that when hyung was depressed this winter you…you took advantage of him and I just…I don’t really know what to think of you. Everyone seems to think it’s great that hyung’s seeing someone, but I think he needs to think about himself right now."
"Okay…so…what you…you want me to break up with him?" Daniel asked point blank, trying to follow Jungkook’s logic instead of thinking too much about Jungkook's accusation.
The younger seemed taken aback by Daniel’s response.
"I don’t know, you should figure something out" the younger said under his breath.
Jungkook was playing on all of Daniel’s insecurities. He knew he hadn’t been able to do much for Yoongi back then. But things were different now.
"I’ve made mistakes with Yoongi. But we’re together now. So I’ll tell you this" Daniel stood up, standing a good half a meter taller than Jungkook, the younger’s eyes going wider, obviously not expecting Daniel’s defensive tone. "You ever punch my boyfriend again, I’ll end you kid."
Shit. He used his closing statement tone. What the fuck was that about?
"Good night" he added, going back to sit on the couch next to Yeri and Jennie.

"Don’t worry about him you know. He’ll come around. He’s just worried about his hyung" Jennie told him as he sat down, probably noticing Daniel’s crisped expression.
"I know" Daniel replied, feeling even more guilty about his reaction.
"You know, Joon-ah told me that Kook-ah was the one who did resuscitation maneuvers on Yoongi" Yeri added softly.
"I…maybe I was a bit too harsh on him" Daniel said hesitantly.
"No you weren’t. Whatever you told him, he deserved it" Jennie concluded.
Daniel was thankful that the both of them were so understanding, unafraid to address this the way Daniel needed to.

"Everything all right?" Yoongi asked him as they left Jin’s place to get back home, Daniel driving.
"Yeah" Daniel replied with a smile, taking Yoongi’s hand over the armrest.

How was he supposed to say he felt like shit that he had threatened Jungkook like that? Jeon fucking Jungkook? Maknae Jungkook, Yoongi’s child? Who had to bring Yoongi back to life?

The situation at the party was a burden on Daniel’s mind, and a few days later he asked Yoongi for Jungkook’s number to ask him about something, and Yoongi gave it to him without further questions.

[Me 17:32]
Hey Jungkook-ssi, I got your number from Yoongi. It’s Daniel. Listen, I wanted to say sorry for how I spoke to you at Chuseok the other day. I was out of line, you were in the right to voice your concerns for Yoongi, you’ve known him longer than me. I just hope we can start over.

Daniel felt good about his message. Hopefully, Jungkook would see how sincere he was. He didn’t need to wait that long to find out.

[Jeon Jungkook 17:32]
Daniel-hyung
I’m so sorry
Please don’t apologize
I’m so sorry I said those things to you
You were right, Yoongi’s your boyfriend I have no right to meddle in your things
I felt really bad since the dinner
I thought you hated me
And that would be bad, because hyung really likes you and he’s happy and I thought I ruined everything

Daniel smiled to himself, relief flooding through.

[Me 17:33]
Slow down kid.
It’s fine, I’m relieved too, I thought you hated me too after I responded like I did.

[Jeon Jungkook 17:34]
No that was normal
You were just defending Yoongi
I’ve done mistakes with hyung too and you reminded me
So thank you

Daniel sighed, asking himself if he should say this over text.

[Me 17:33]
I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I wanted to thank you. I know you saved Yoongi that day. He wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. So thank you. I don’t want us to fight. I’m sorry I told you those things. We all make mistakes.

Daniel started to get nervous since it took a while for Jungkook to reply, Daniel seeing the dots appear and disappear.

[Jeon Jungkook 17:39]
Thank you, Daniel-hyung

Daniel smiled to himself. Success.

[Me 17:39]
No more threats please.

[Jeon Jungkook 17:40]
I should be the one to tell you that
You were really intimidating hyung
No wonder hyung likes you…
I think he has a thing for big scary guys

[Me 17:41]
Does he now?

[Jeon Jungkook 17:42]
Didn’t you know?

[Me 17:43]
Yes I do know actually.

[Jeon Jungkook 17:44]
Ew! I’m a child!
Also I think I have bigger muscles than you

[Me 17:44]
Is that so?

[Jeon Jungkook 17:45]
Yeah def.
Hey um…
I assume you work out?

[Me 17:46]
Yeah, everyday.

[Jeon Jungkook 17:45]
Do you think you’d like to work out together sometime? You can drop by the building, I work out there and it’s private and all.
It would be cool if we could do something together. I’d like to make up for last time.
And since I don’t have much time to spare and we both work out…you know

[Me 17:47]
I wouldn’t mind that, yeah. That sounds fun

So Daniel went to the Big Hit building one late evening to work out with Jungkook. When the younger greeted him at the building, he looked extremely shy and young, nothing like the intimidating young man that defended his hyung the other day.

They did their thing and they started talking, conversation flowing suprisingly easily. Jungkook was really eccentric, he was really fun to be around. Jungkook told him about what he was working on for solo projects, and between two sets he showed something that an American singer sent him. Jungkook told him he wanted to reply right away, but that his English wasn’t that good. Daniel told him he could help right away if he wanted to send it right now.

"Wait, you’re half American?" the younger asked him in surprise after he had asked where Daniel had learned English.
"Yeah I am."
"Why didn’t I know that?"
"I don’t know, maybe because you hated me?"
"No…I didn’t hate you…" Jungkook replied, embarrassed.
"Show it here, the message" Daniel said smugly.
Jungkook went to his bag to fetch his phone.
"It takes time if I run it by the translators, and I’d love to respond straight away for once" Jungkook explained. "Did you grow up here in Seoul?" he asked before coming back next to Daniel.
"Yeah. Well mostly, I was in boarding school in England before high school."
"Oh…that sounds fancy."
"Too fancy."
"Is it your mom or your dad who’s American?"
"Mom, from New York."
"Do you go there often?"
"New York? No never."
"Oh so she doesn’t have family there anymore?"
"She does…It’s me who doesn’t really have family there anymore. Or anywhere."
"Oh…Oh. Oh! I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to pry…Wow that…that was really insensitive of me, I didn’t know."
"No no it’s okay…it’s just a weird subject. I’ll help you with your message."

They went on after sending the message, and they finished their set. Daniel started to crave Yoongi as it was starting to get late and Daniel knew he’d find him in his studio at this time. Before he left, Jungkook called out after him.

"Hey hyung?"
"Yeah?"
"I’m sorry about your family."

Daniel wanted to say that it was okay, that he had Yoongi now, but it would probably come off a bit too strong.

"Thanks Kookie."

Daniel had also been back in Daegu multiple times, for Chuseok first, spent with Yoongi’s family. It was only a short one day trip, since Yoongi had a schedule, but it meant everything to Daniel. He never celebrated Chuseok. And Yoongi’s parents had seemed really happy to see him again. They went again for the holidays, and for lunar new year, Yoongi’s mom really happy that Daniel was there.
"He wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t for you! He never makes time for us like this. I think he just wants to spend some quality time with you, and we’re the excuse" she had complained to him.

So Daniel felt he was fully a part of Yoongi’s life.

There were still little things that worried Daniel. Physical intimacy wasn’t a problem for them. Daniel was pretty sure he knew Yoongi’s body better than his own at that point, kissing Yoongi being way better than talking about whatever could be wrong. Daniel knew his own emotional incapacities didn’t help Yoongi opening up either. As a result, there were still things that Daniel didn’t understand about Yoongi, things he knew Yoongi wasn’t telling him. Like:

Them being at the company and Yoongi carting him around, only to speed past the TXT boys without presenting them to Daniel, even though they waved at them.

And also like:

Sometime around December, when Daniel needed to attend a fundraiser for a client, a rare occurence for him, since he didn’t usually socialize unless desperately needed to.

Daniel had been the one to come back late. And since they both had off in the morning, they had agreed for Yoongi to just sleep at the apartment anyway.

When Daniel came back home, cheeks hurting from all the fake smiling he had needed to do, he craved Yoongi’s warmth and the space next to him in bed more than anything. After washing up, he slid into bed, where Yoongi was sleeping, bunched up in a ball laying on his side.

Daniel spooned him, since he was spoonable in that position. His eyes fell shut immediately, at the same time as he felt Yoongi shift slightly, and then took an elbow in the face, Yoongi springing up and to the side, falling from the bed, letting out a deep scream.

"Yoongi?" Daniel asked in a panic.
"Wh-what—wh…" Yoongi stuttered, out of breath.
"What’s wrong, Yoongi?" Daniel asked, sitting up and shifting towards Yoongi’s side of the bed to look down at Yoongi’s trembling figure, gripping the sheet he had dragged down with him.

"I…I’m—I—"
"Hey, hey slow down" Daniel shushed as he slid on the floor after him, putting a grounding hand on Yoongi’s shoulder.
"You—you’re…"
"It’s me, it’s just me…What’s wrong? Yoongi?"

Yoongi fell forward on his chest, and Daniel immediately put his arms around him.

"S-sorry…" Yoongi exhaled.
"It’s okay Yoongi, it’s okay. What happened?"
"It was just a nightmare, I’m sorry."
"A nightmare? What was it?"
"I’m not sure. I’m sorry…did I hurt you?"
"I’ll be fine."

Daniel had known Yoongi wasn’t being completely honest. He had been sleeping peacefully until Daniel came into bed.

With Yoongi gone on tour Daniel was all alone, free to think back on every little thing he could have done better, could have said better, could have asked about, if he wasn’t so scared of loosing Yoongi.

Yoongi was so far away now. What if he realized they were spending too much time together? What if when he came back, he’d need a break?

Daniel wasn’t sure what he’d have left if Yoongi decided against having him in his life. He didn’t even enjoy work all that much anymore, since it was time he needed to spend away from Yoongi. Things were getting harder with the other parters too, Daniel always picking fights even though he didn’t want to deal with their fallout, things weren’t running the way he wanted them to and everyone was working against him, very few people on his side. Daniel didn’t really know what he was doing there half the time now. He’d always hated entitled rich people, people like his parents, and he’d gone and made sure he’d be surrounded by people exactly like that, even though he had a way out once.

Anyway.

Daniel turned on his side and tried to sleep, even though all he was thinking about was if Yoongi thought about him too, if he’d miss him at all, even though he was doing what he loved, halfway across the world.

Daniel went in and out of work like a zombie.
The only highlights of his days were when Yoongi called him, or when they had text conversations while Yoongi was busy.

Soon enough, a month had passed.

It was early one morning. Daniel was still at home, even though he’d normally be at the gym at this time. He received a call, and Daniel couldn’t help but be surprised at seeing Jennie’s name when he picked up his phone. He hadn’t seen her since they had dinner at Yoongi’s company for lunar new year.

"Hello?"
"Danny-oppa! How are things?"
"Um good, good. You?"
"Amazing! Listen, Yeri and me we have our upcoming monthly BTS wives night, and we thought that you should come."
"Your what?"
"The BTS wives night, we do it monthly when the boys are on tour. It’s something we made up obviously and it’s always been just the two of us. But since you’re cool we thought you should come! Are you in? Friday night, at my place. And we get shitfaced."
"Oh um…um…I wouldn’t want… I don’t want to intrude on your girl’s night."
"Oh don’t worry, there are no girls there. Come on, please?"
"I’m… I’m not good at drinking I don’t know…"
"Oh don’t worry, Yeri is shit too. You don’t have to drink of course, it’s just a safe space to gossip. And you can stay the night. You in?"

Daniel did like to gossip. And it’d be better than just staying home alone thinking about Yoongi. And he did like Jennie and Yeri, who were both hysterical, so unlike anyone else he was used to be surrounded with, much like Yoongi and the rest of the lot.

"Yeah, okay" he agreed, not really knowing what he was in for.
"Really? Great!!! You won’t regret it I promise, we’ll have so much fun! See you Friday, you know the place right?"
"Okay, yeah I remember, see you Friday."

And that was how he was at Jennie and Jin’s place that Friday, greeted by Jennie, with Yeri coming in not too long after, Jennie complaining about how she was always late.

"I never asked, do you two know each other only because of Namjoon and Seokjin?" Daniel asked curiously.
"Yeah, never saw that girl before" Jennie replied. "Why?"
"You both seem like such good friends, is all."
"I’m just glad Namjoon chose well" Jennie fake whispered to him.
"And we’re glad Yoongi chose well" Yeri added, a hand on Daniel’s shoulder.
"Oh…I don’t know about that."

Jennie and Yeri exchanged a look.

"None of your moping around here. I knew it’d be a good idea to invite you" Jennie sermoned him sternly.
"Your boy will be back for you soon enough Danny-oppa. Now. Let’s have fun" Yeri told him gently.

How did they both know how he was feeling?

"Drink?" Jennie asked him, unsure if she should insist.
"Um…fine. Only one though. Otherwise I’ll end up crying about something."
"It's okay, Yeri always cries."
"Don't embarrass me in front of our new friend!" Yeri protested.
"Why don’t you usually drink? I thought it was because of Yoongi" Jennie asked him cautiously.
"Yes and no. I’m a shit drinker. And…the last time I drank, Yoongi made me drink. And…I…I had sex with him, and I choked him, and he passed out" Daniel explained, deciding on transparency with his new friends.
"Oh baby…" Yeri whispered.
"That’s why you can’t do kinky stuff when you’re drunk" Jennie shook her head solemnly.
"Was it when…" Yeri asked pointedly.
"Yeah…it was shortly before they left for the tour. The first tour, last year."
"I can’t imagine what you had to go through, having to let him leave in his condition" Yeri added sympathetically.

The conversation flowed afterwards, and Daniel did have a lot of fun.
He never had girl friends before. Daniel hadn’t really been exposed to girls growing up, and after that, all the women he met were the career type, not really looking to strike a friendship, same as him.

He did have more than one drink after all, and they played a bunch of games and talked about every nonsense that came to mind. Yeri did cry at some point. Then they got him to say a whole bunch of embarrassing stuff, which had them laugh hysterically, things like: "When I was a kid I was scared of vaginas" and "I once had a dream where Yoongi was an anthropomorphic cat and we banged and I came in my boxers in my sleep like I was 12."

And that was fine, since they had even weirder and somehow more embarrassing stories to tell him. And then:

"Spill. Sex, you and Yoongi-ah. How is it?" Yeri asked him point blank.
The three of them were sat on the floor on the balcony. They had just took turns screaming from there, at the Seoul skyline.
"Ew I don’t want to hear, Yoongi’s a little brother!" Jennie cried out, slurring her complaint. The three of them were pretty drunk by then, although it was starting to fade slowly, the girls keeping Daniel on water.
"It’s…it’s good" Daniel replied sheepishly.
"Good?" Yeri repeated.
"It’s fucking amazing" Daniel laughed out, the thought of Yoongi naked under him sending sparks all over his body.
"AH!!!" Jennie screamed exageratedly again, her hands over her ears.
"Naughty! Me and Joon-ah, we had the best fuck ever before he left, I still have goosebumps" Yeri disclosed unwarranted.
"Before tour fucks are the best, the bittersweet of it makes it so good" Jennie acknowledged. "Did you guys find that out?" she asked Daniel pointedly.
"Um…kind of."
Before Yoongi left, he gave him the best blowjob as of yet, and for Yoongi to surpass himself, it was quite a feat.
"Does Yoongi top you sometimes?" Yeri asked him eagerly.
"Um…wow…um…" Daniel stumbled over his words, even his inebriated mind keeping some inhibition about that subject.
"Jesus Yeri, you can’t ask people if they top or bottom, what the hell?"
"He just told us he fucked cat-Yoongi in his dream, you think that’s worse? What, do you really think Daniel doesn’t top Yoongi? Yoongi? King of twinks Yoongi?"
"That’s stereotype" Jennie countered.
"Yeah it is stereotype" Daniel conceded.
"Okay fine. So Yoongi tops you then?" Yeri asked him.
"No of course not, have you seen him?" Daniel replied smugly.
They all laughed hysterically again.
"I uh…I never asked him if he wanted to top. Do you think I should?" Daniel asked after they had calmed down.
"Well do you want him to?" Jennie said.
"No… Is that bad?"
"Of course not! But you could tell him" Jennie added.
"When uh…when I was 14 I... I was with some guys, they were much older than me and um…that was the only time I tried and it…it didn’t go really well. So I just…I never thought about bottoming since then."
"Oh baby…" Yeri tutted.
"Yeah, you definitely could tell Yoongi that. So he knows. I mean, I’m sure he likes the way you both have sex right now. But it would just…be more open" Jennie said.
"Yeah…something tells me you guys wouldn’t have the best communication. I mean, I know Yoongi-ah is shit. Am I wrong?" Yeri added.
"How tactless are you tonight? Way to go with the vote of confidence" Jennie reprimanded her.
"It’s okay…I’m shit too. If not worse" Daniel replied, lost in his thoughts now.
The girls stayed silent for a bit.
"It’s not supposed to be easy you know. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not easy, to be vulnerable with the person you love. To give them power over you. It has to be done willingly and it’s scary" Jennie told him gently.
"I miss him. I miss him a lot" Daniel stated.
"Oh Dan…" Yeri whined again, putting an arm over Daniel's shoulders.
"It hasn't even been a month yet. I don’t know what to do. I can’t annoy him every day, he’s working."
"Yeah…" Yeri said with a long sigh.
"How do you guys do it?" Daniel asked in a small voice.
"I can’t relate. Missing Kim Seokjin? Never" Jennie said to try to make him smile. It almost worked.
"Shut up, you’re as miserable as the rest of us" Yeri rebuked.

"I love him" Daniel plainly said after they were done bickering, looking into nothing.
Jennie put her hand over his, Yeri holding tighter onto his shoulders. They weren't Yoongi but it was better than nothing.
"Does he know that?" Jennie asked softly.
Daniel shook his head.
"I never told him. I can’t."
"Why not?" Yeri pressed.
"I can’t be the first to tell him. It’s stupid I know."
"It’s not stupid, it’s self-preservation" Jennie reassured him.
"All my life I’ve been on self-preservation mode."
"Oh baby…" Yeri whispered.
"I can’t tell him…I never told that to anyone."
"You never told…" Jennie repeated.
"You never said ‘I love you’ before?" Yeri finished.
"Never. I can’t tell him first. I’ve never said it because there was never anyone to say it back to me."

The girls didn't say anything. What could they say to that?

"What if he doesn’t say it back?" Daniel added before he started crying.

Yoongi was pulling through their meeting with a terrible headache.

He hadn’t eaten all day, didn’t want to, and even if he had tried to deny it since he woke up, he was hungover from the night before, the result of his aborted little catboy fantasy.

Just to make matters worse, they had to get to some showcase later where the company needed to be present. A lot of other idols were gonna be there, along with other representatives. It was strictly industry people, no media. In truth it was just a cocktail reception with a few speeches, and it wouldn’t even be that long, but Yoongi dreaded it. He didn’t feel like going through that sober, as bad as it sounded, and with a headache. And the knowledge of being cheated on.

"Hyungie cheer up!!!" Jimin greeted him with a hug when they stepped out of their cars at the venue, and bubbled over somewhere else.
"Why is he so excited?" Yoongi asked Jungkook.
"I heard the Blackpink girls were gonna be there" the younger said as a reply, sounding just as excited.
"Seriously? They’re coming just for this?" Jin asked, the seven of them gathering together now as they entered.
"They’re not coming" Namjoon cut in.
"Everyone’s talking about the Ahn kid though. He’s supposed to be there" Jin added.

Ahn Young-Min (even Yoongi had heard of him) had debuted with YG not that long ago. Yoongi truly didn’t know if the kid was any good.

"Are you okay Yoongi-ah?" Jin asked him when the others had more or less scattered.
"Yeah, just not too thrilled about being here."
"Yeah I know, it’s kind of boring. Hey, listen…I wanted to say sorry for the other day at Namjoon’s."
"What for?"
"I…put you on the spot by talking about you and Daniel when you hadn’t even told me about it in the first place."
"It’s okay I know you guys talk to each other."
"Still, I’m sorry. I should have known you were more anxious about the issue than what I would have thought. Did you both make things better?"
"Yeah, thanks. Thank you for apologizing."
"Sure. Let’s make it through the showcase shall we?"

Yoongi chose a spot to stand at, accompanied by Taehyung.
"Tae-ah, you should go around like you want to, you don’t want to stick with me."
"I do hyung, let me be."

Bang PD made a speech from afar and everyone applauded. The others were nowhere to be seen, already mingling. Yoongi spotted Namjoon being harassed.

"Hyung" Taehyung suddenly told Yoongi in a warning tone.
"What?"
"Don’t look behind you, but Ahn has been staring at you with puppy eyes non stop."
"What? Why? He’s probably looking at you."
"Shit he saw me looking too much, he’s coming this way, act cool."
"What? I don’t want to act cool, I have a boyfriend."
"No but you tell him that and be nice so you can hook me up with him."
Yoongi tutted with a knowing smile.
"Shit shit shit, he’s coming…"

"Yoongi-hyung" the Ahn kid said.

The voice made Yoongi freeze, nervous tingle spreading all the way from the top of his head to the tip of his toes, every inch of skin alive with a dangerous itch.

Yoongi knew that voice.
"Hey, Yoongi-ssi, nice to meet you."
"We haven’t crossed path again. I thought I’d say hi."

No matter how much Yoongi knew he should, to just be civil or have some dignity or prove he could function normally, he couldn’t turn around to face the other. All he could see was Taehyung looking between the both of them, catching onto Yoongi’s panic, but not knowing what it was stemming from.

"This is my friend, you might have seen him? Ahn—" Yoongi suddenly remembered HK saying.

Yoongi managed to turn his head to the side, purposefully avoiding acknowledging the other, and thankfully, he had Namjoon in his line of sight. He barely managed to catch Namjoon’s eyes.
Upon seeing him, Namjoon’s brows furrowed in worry, and Yoongi only dipped his head towards Ahn. Namjoon’s mouth closed into a thin line.
He understood.

"I don’t think we’ve met", Yoongi heard Taehyung say, his voice strained, trying to understand the situation by talking, probably. "You already know Yoongi-hyung?"
"Yeah, we have one mutual friend from what I got", he answered, and he rounded Yoongi to get closer to Taehyung.
Yoongi caught a good glimpse of his face, a tentative smile spread all over it.
"Shit you’re so tight hyung. You won’t be able to take both of us in."

That was him all right, everything coming back to his mind, the blurry face of his memory completely replaced with this one, all the smoothed out edges of his memory reworked into definite strokes. Every touch, every sensation, every breath, every droplet of sweat, every droplet of blood, all coming back up.

"Don’t ever fucking say no to me again Yoongi"

No not this one, not Chan…

"Yoongi, c’mon, I know you want to, too."

No, not Chan…

"I’m telling you we have time Yoongi, just do as I say."

Not Chan.

"C’mon Yoongi, don’t you want me to be happy with you?"

"It’s not my fault if it hurts Yoongi, it’s supposed to, don’t worry. We can go again."

"Just shut up and turn around okay? I’m kind of in a hurry here."

"Fucking stop Yoongi"

Yoongi blinked, and he wasn’t in the venue space anymore. He was in a backroom, and Namjoon was crouching in front of him, a hand brushing circles on his knee.

Yoongi inhaled a good few breaths, chest screaming in pain.

"Hyung? Hey…can you count to three with me?" Namjoon asked him gently.

"One". Exhale.

"Two". Inhale.

"Three". Exhale.

"Can you tell me three words that start with b?"

"Batch, beach, brown."

"Are you back?"

Yoongi nodded, exhausted.

"It’s okay hyung, you don’t have to see him, when we get out of here he’ll be gone. It’s him?"
"It’s him."
"Did you know who he was? Did you remember who he was?"
"No..no…it was Hk and someone else…and a stranger—and him."
"HK was there too?"

Yoongi nodded.

"It was them…the both of them…they…they placed me around…they were…"
Yoongi's lips wobbled.
"Hyung, you’re okay."
"They… tried…at the same time…it hurt…"
Namjoon let his head fall forward, hiding from him. "It just scared me…" Yoongi added, trying to explain.
"I know hyung, it was a normal reaction", Namjoon let out reassuringly, looking back up at Yoongi. "You did good to go and find Jimin back then."
"It hurt…it was like…it hurt like when he… he…"
"Chan?"
"When he woke me up."
"When you were with HK and Ahn that one time, and you were blacked out, it brought memories back of when Chan raped you and you panicked? That was why you left?"

Yoongi nodded, hearing the situation this clearly unsettling him.

"He’s gone hyung, Chan is gone. He can’t hurt you" Namjoon told him resolutely.

He wasn’t gone. He’d always be there, at the back of his mind.

"He…he…" Yoongi tried to voice it out loud.
"Hyung, Chan is dead."
Yoongi blinked.
"W-what?"
"Chan’s dead. He died in a car accident a few years back. He can’t hurt you anymore."
"You…you…"
"I’m sorry I looked it up. I didn’t know if I should tell you."
"Sin—since when do you..."
"I looked it up a few months ago. He was driving drunk hyung, he killed three other people. I saw the police report. He’s gone. He was an asshole until the end, and he’s gone."

Yoongi closed his eyes, everything unravelling inside his head, memories blurring, thoughts scrambling, the great big fog of his headache clearing under a heavy rain shower.

"Yoons" Yoongi heard to the side, and Yoongi’s shoulders untensed and his breath steadied.

Daniel was in his space now, his beautiful brown eyes shiny and pleading, Namjoon clearing away.
"It’s okay, I’m here, I’ve got you."

Yoongi clung to Daniel like his life depended on it, and maybe it did. He didn’t even care to know what the hell he was doing there, one of the others had probably called him. He breathed in his perfume, the smell of his skin, of his shampoo, as Daniel gathered him in his arms bridal style, and lifted him. As he was carried out, Yoongi caught a glimpse of the others, their worried faces, Jimin’s and Hoseok’s stained with tears. They had been there all along, they had heard everything.
Yoongi buried his face in Daniel’s neck, and didn’t have to see anything else but the inside of his car, Yoongi laying his head on Daniel’s shoulder and almost sitting on the armrest the whole drive to their apartments, and he was being carried again, up the elevator and in front of his door.
Daniel pushed in the code before stepping inside Yoongi’s apartment, and even though Yoongi was held close by him, Daniel felt so far away, so much so, it made Yoongi shiver.

Yoongi pulled back from Daniel’s neck and searched the older’s lips, Daniel stopping in his tracks and Yoongi making it inside with his tongue, clearly surprising Daniel, who readjusted his grip under Yoongi’s knees.
Yoongi held onto Daniel’s neck, forcing himself inside Daniel’s mouth, his lips relentless, his tongue furious.
Daniel dropped him down and put his hands on his’s waist, Yoongi pulling him instantly, pulling and pulling, until Daniel pressed him against the wall, responding to Yoongi’s deep kiss in earnest, Yoongi letting his hands roam, until he put the palm of his hand over Daniel’s bulge.

"Yoongi…You sure? It’s…you were…" Daniel hesitated, breathless.
"I want you, I want you so much, all the time. I want you close to me, I want you inside me…"
"Yoongi…"

Yoongi knew Daniel wouldn’t refuse him now. How pathetic of him, only deserving Daniel's pity.

Daniel kissed him again and Yoongi dragged him to his bedroom, pulling at his own shirt and then on Daniel’s, and he undid Daniel’s belt and slacks.
"Yoongi, slow down" Daniel told him softly, trying to get Yoongi to kiss him again, and Yoongi wanted to cry. He ducked and undid his pants, and moved towards the bed once he was naked. Daniel followed him and they proceeded sort of mechanically.

Yoongi was telling Daniel to hurry up, and Daniel was telling Yoongi to take it slow.

"I’m not gonna hurt you again Yoongi" Daniel admonished him after Yoongi had tried to get him to just get inside, Daniel three fingers deep and Yoongi not nearly as stretched enough as he needed to be.

So even if Yoongi tried his best to spoil everything, when Daniel finally went inside, it was like all the other times, Daniel making sure he was comfortable, that he was feeling good. Sweet. Intimate. Loving.

It didn’t take too long for the both of them to be done.

Daniel didn’t lie back down next to Yoongi to hold him again. He sat on the bed, crossing his legs so he could look down on Yoongi, putting a hand on Yoongi’s hip.
"Yoongi…what was that about, back there?" he asked, his tone unsure, like he was scared to ask, like he didn’t have the right to ask.
"Dan ? Who’s Jihoon?" Yoongi asked back, his voice distant, his eyes redirected to the ceiling.
"What?" Daniel replied, taken aback.

Yoongi didn’t answer. He didn’t know what else to say.

"Why do you ask?" Daniel said overcoming his surprise. He didn’t sound cautious.
"Who is it?" Yoongi asked again in a whine. He didn’t want to cry asking, but he was about to.
"Why?" Daniel asked again, his tone pleading.
"I saw a text, a month ago. On your phone. I didn’t mean to read it. I couldn’t take it out of my head" Yoongi answered honestly, feeling as if Daniel owed him that much.
"And?" Daniel asked, resigned.

He was really going to make Yoongi ask the question, wasn’t he.

"Do you… do you cheat on me?" Yoongi let out in a whisper.

Daniel shifted and sat closer to Yoongi.
"Yoongi… Jihoon is my assistant. I don’t know what that text said Yoongi, how you interpreted it. I can’t be in your head" Daniel said matter-of-factly.

Yoongi took some time to think. Did he want to believe that? He could believe that. Maybe he needed to. To keep Daniel.

Daniel shifted again, raised his arm over the bed to take his phone, which he handed to Yoongi.

"Here. Look through, find the context for the text" Daniel told him gently.
Was he for real?
"Dan…" Yoongi tried to protest.
"Please Yoongi… I want you to be sure."

Yoongi sat up and took it, and realized Daniel didn’t even open it. Yoongi went himself to his contacts, and searched for Jihoon. He rewinded the conversation to about two weeks ago, and as he searched, the texts were all work related. Yes, no, thanks boss, should I do this? Should I do that? They also seemed to insult each other in a friendly way?

He really was his assistant wasn’t he? Why wouldn’t Yoongi have known his assistant’s name?

And then Yoongi’s heart stopped, regret and shame enveloping him all at once.

[Me 13:22]
You could always come and get them at my place since I’ll look them over this afternoon.
They’re confidential dumbass, I can’t take a picture

[Jihoon 13:25]
Yeah sure I can come and pick them up. Asshole
What about the cat?
I’m extremely allergic I told you that before.
Tell me if he’s still there, I’d rather not come and get them if so.

[Jihoon 16:24]
…?
So is he still there?
Can I come over?
Or you’ll just give them to me on Monday?

[Me 16:28]
The cat isn’t here anymore but I’m with my partner right now so just forget it. I’ll give them to you on Monday.
It’s fine anyway, you can do them on Monday.

[Jihoon 16:29]
Yay! What a great boss, giving me my weekend off

[Me 16:30]
Sarcastic brat

[Jihoon 16:31]
You have a girlfriend? Since when?
Who would put up with a workaholic like you
Is that why you’ve been slacking off lately?

Yoongi burst into tears, half from relief, half from shame. He was talking about the fucking cat. The guy was his assistant.

The words came out pouring from his mouth.

"I’m sorry I’m so stupid— I thought— I was— I was so scared— I imagined all sorts of things you said you didn’t want to have sex and then I thought since I came back things were different and I didn’t know how to bring it up and I thought you didn’t want me anymore— I’m such a mess— I’m so sorry I’ve been so stupid—"

Daniel finally stopped him by hugging him, Yoongi started to cry so hard his whole body shook, and Daniel held him tighter.

It was only after Yoongi had calmed down that Daniel spoke up softly.

"Yoongi…why didn’t you tell me it was bothering you?"
Yoongi couldn’t understand why Daniel was still being so fucking gentle with him.
"Why aren’t you mad? Why aren’t you mad I looked at your phone, that I doubted you…"
"Yoongi…I don’t want to be mad at you. I don’t think I could ever be mad at you. Not for something like this. I’m just…I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t trust me."
"I do trust you. It’s just, in that moment, I doubted myself, not you" Yoongi replied, pulling away to wipe at his face. He looked down at his hands. "I doubt my ability to make you stay with me" he added in a small voice.

Daniel didn’t answer and Yoongi looked back up. Daniel’s eyes were all glossy.

"Yoons… I…I’m fucking this up am I not? Our relationship?" he asked, voice wobbly. He said it with a small smile though.
"I know I’m not good at opening up but…you’re quite something" Yoongi said trying to return the smile, although it must have looked like a grimace.
"I’m sorry I’m shit" Daniel replied.
"You’re not shit" Yoongi replied, taking Daniel’s hand. "Why…why don’t you introduce me to your friends?" Yoongi asked randomly.
"What?" Daniel replied, raising his eyebrows, clearly not expecting this question.
"I…I know practically nothing about your work life, except what you tell me of your cases" Yoongi tried to explain. And this was probably why he had never heard Daniel name his assistant.
"Yoongi I…I don’t have any friends."
"But…your work friends? The ones that know you’re gay?"
"Um…I have only two coworkers who know. They’re the ones who get on my nerves the least. They…they’re still competition Yoons. I can’t…I can’t trust them with you."
"You mean…"
"I mean I can’t trust them to keep us a secret. I don’t know them like that. I’m only sort of friends with them because they don’t want to be partners. And they only I'm gay because they used to drag to me to clubs and shit, and...yeah, I'd have way more stuff to get them fired in turn. To trust your career with these guys? Never."
"What about Sun? The one with the cat?" Yoongi tried, completely disheartened by those answers.
"She’s annoying. And she flirts with me. I just like her cat. And she asked me because she knows I’m always in Seoul."
"What about Jihoon? He seems fun". Yoongi couldn’t believe he wanted Jihoon to be friends with Daniel now.
"He is but…I’m his boss."

Yoongi didn’t know what to say.

"I’m…I’m not the best at developing relationships" Daniel added, embarrassed.
"Dan…" Yoongi whispered, bringing a hand to Daniel’s face to caress his cheek.
"Will you think I’m pathetic if I say Jungkook is my best friend?" Daniel asked.
"No I won’t, cause I know him and he’s pretty cool. My friends are your friends. They like you a lot, and it makes me glad."
"I like them a lot too."
"Sometimes I forget how alike we are" Yoongi told him, brushing a strand of hair behind Daniel’s ear.
"That day…when I told you I didn’t want to have sex?" Daniel asked tentatively.
"Yeah?" Yoongi replied wearily, dreading Daniel’s explanation now.
"I…something bad happened. At work."
"What do you mean?"
"It’s just…I just wanted to cuddle."
"Why didn’t you tell me? What happened?" Yoongi pressed.
"A client fired me."
"What?"
"A client fired me…one of the other partners, who hates my guts, he stole my client."
"I…I don’t understand? Why would he do that? If he was already the firm’s client?"
"He tried a lot, in the past, to talk to my clients behind my back, but it never worked. But this time…it mattered and I…I had my guard down or whatever and…yeah."
"Why does he hate you?"
"Cause it took him twenty years to be a partner. And I needed 5."
"Dan…"
"So yeah I…I didn’t really feel good that day. I’m sorry I pushed you away."

It was Yoongi’s turn to take Daniel in his arms, putting his head against his shoulder to pet his hair, Daniel sighing in relief.

"Why didn’t you tell me you had a bad day?" Yoongi asked softly.
"I don’t know. I don’t usually tell anyone when I have a bad day? I’m not sure. It’s already locked away anyway, so it’s fine now."
"Locked away?" Yoongi repeated, confused.
"Yeah it’s in a little box now, it’s fine. Let’s not talk about that. You have all your shit…"
"Dan…your shit is my shit too. Why didn’t you tell me you had trouble at work?"

Daniel sniffled and the sound splintered Yoongi’s heart.

"It’s just…now that I don’t stay until 10 and go over on the weekends…everyone’s out for me, and it feels like…like everyone knows how to get to me now and…it’s not that much fun. I don’t find it fun anymore. I just want to do the day and get home…to you."
"You hate those people" Yoongi said in realization.
"And they hate me back. It’s terrible right?"
"Dan…it’s because of me? That you had your guard down? I've been keeping you from work?"

"No Yoons, it’s not. I’m just…I thought I wanted this. I used to want this, the partnership, the firm. I just…being around you it…it’s made me realize that I’m not really like that, that I was just pretending to be like that. I love being a lawyer, I do. I just… it never bothered me, how toxic it was at the level I’ve pursued. I think I’ve just been able to convince myself I wanted to be successful, and being successful meant going through this, and I was also able to just accept and go with it. I’m not sure I can go with it anymore."
"Dan…"
"I don’t…I don’t really know what to do."
"We’ll find something, don’t worry. I’ll make everything okay, all right? I’ll take care of you" Yoongi told him, holding tighter.

"Yoongi?" Daniel asked again, sounding so young.
"What is it baby?" Yoongi asked softly.
"When you were away I missed you a lot."
"Oh Dan…I missed you too. I know that it’s not easy. I know I don’t make it easy, BTS and all. I’m sorry" Yoongi apologized.

"Yoongi?" Daniel asked again after another while.
"What is it baby?"
"I love you."

Yoongi stilled, and didn’t say anything for too long. For way too long. It took another good while for Daniel to pull back from him, his face terrified.

Yoongi wanted to say something, but everything blocked in his throat.
Daniel turned his face away hurriedly and he sat on the edge of the bed, turning his back to Yoongi.

Another long stretch of time passed, where Yoongi could have said something.

Nothing came out.

Daniel stood up and put his boxers on, gathered his clothes slowly, and without looking back at Yoongi, he left.

Yoongi’s time to say it back was out.

Chapter Text

Daniel was slowly rousing awake, aware that something was making noise close by. His phone was ringing.
He sluggishly lifted a hand to grab it, seeing it was 10:15, and that Jungkook was calling him.
It was kinda late, especially since Daniel remembered he had gone to sleep at around 20:00 last night. But like everyday since he sort of broke up with Yoongi, he had found he didn’t really have anything to do but sleep if he wasn’t working. And Daniel had called in sick all week, telling Jihoon to handle it. ‘It’ meaning his eventual buy out of the firm.

Not yet, no. A week of calling in sick wouldn’t be enough. But soon it would be. If he lost the case it would be enough. Daniel hadn’t been the sole lawyer on any cases yet this year. That wouldn’t do for long. Profits and dependability were what had made him a partner in the first place, navigating the politics of the board and bumping off other senior lawyers almost twice his age.

All of that seemed so futile now, since he could barely work on the one case he did need to work on.

But Daniel didn’t give a shit anymore, which was incredibly terrifying. 15 years of hard work, of pulling himself through law school by the scrape of his teeth, of 80 hours a week, of working himself to the bone, for what? A mid-life crisis? That put his life expectancy at 60, which was scary. What was he even doing right now? Upending his whole life for a boy? For love? 18 year old him would be so disappointed.

But 18 year old him didn’t give a shit about being lonely.18 year old him wanted to be alone.

18 year old him was also a sad little boy, who thought if he just ignored how shit he was feeling, he could get somewhere.

18 year old him couldn’t be trusted anymore.

It had been exactly 6 days and 17 hours since he had broken up with Yoongi. Sort of broke up with Yoongi. He didn’t know, wasn’t sure. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to know wether or not they were still together. He hadn’t spoken to Yoongi since he had left his apartment that night.
The only conclusion Daniel had come up with was that it didn’t matter if Yoongi didn’t love him. He’d beg so they could stay together. Or something. He wouldn’t bring the love thing up again, if it meant he could still be with Yoongi.
Which was really pathetic and probably why Yoongi didn’t love him back in the first place.

And now Jungkook was calling, again.
The younger had called him the day after they broke up, asking how Daniel was, if Daniel wanted him to come over.
Which was also pathetic, since Daniel figured Jungkook was only calling because Yoongi had told him to, to check up on him. All because Daniel had told Yoongi he didn’t have friends, and Yoongi was probably pitying him or something.
Way to go.

The few people interested in his misery were related to Yoongi. Speaking to Jungkook had been almost unbearable. And Daniel had ignored calls from Jennie and Yeri.

‘Hello? Jungkook-ah?’ he finally answered.
‘Oh hyung…were you asleep? Aren’t you at work?’ Jungkook hesitated at first.

Daniel cursed himself. He should have cleared his throat or something before answering.

‘Yeah I’m at work…What is it?’

Daniel heard Jungkook take a deep breath.

‘How are you?’
‘I’m okay.’ Daniel’s skin broke out in goosebumps. What was that tone that Jungkook used? ‘Yoongi?’ Daniel hurriedly added in worry.
‘Yeah…listen hyung…I…I’m calling about something, something that Yoongi asked me to tell you.’
‘Oh…'
‘Have you heard anything from social media or the news today?’
‘What? No?’

Daniel’s heart automatically started to pace away. Social media? News? Why? Was Yoongi in trouble?
‘Okay, good… Don’t go on? At least, what Yoongi asks is that you don’t listen to it.’
‘Listen to what? Kook-ah?’
Another deep breath. And when Jungkook spoke again, his voice was teary.
‘I can’t tell you, it’s too horrible. Don’t look too much okay? I have to go…it’s really bad out here.’
‘Kook-ah?’
‘Just… take care hyung. Yoongi-hyung misses you.’

Jungkook hung up and Daniel still kept the phone to his ear.

No no no no no no.
He had done it.
He had done it to Yoongi as well.

Daniel couldn’t help but start to shake, his whole body violently bracing for what he would read.
Something like Yoongi being gay, BTS being finished.
BTS SUGA has a boyfriend, see the man who ruined the most successful band in the world, name Sung Daniel.
Lawyer Sung Daniel, who thought he had a claim over BTS SUGA.

Daniel got up, blinking tears away. Thinking of those headlines just kept making the box reopen.
With all his well kept indifference, the little box in his head containing the memory of his parents kicking him out was always a thought away from opening.

It was fully open now.

His mom and dad sitting at the dinner table they never used, a neat little folder in front of them, Daniel coming back from fencing camp.

He stopped in front of them, looking between them, waiting for them to speak.

‘You and the Kim boy. Really?’ his father finally asked, prompting Daniel to furrow his brows.

He stepped closer to the table and glanced at the papers there.
Pictures. Of him and Minjun. Kissing in the alley street around school. Through Minjun’s bedroom window, the both of them clearly naked.

Daniel’s stomach turned in on itself.

‘You…You had me followed?’
‘Never having any girlfriends to meet your mother at your age isn’t normal.’

Daniel stared at him. He never looked much at his father. So he took a good look. His greying hair, his stern face. The way he held his judging and unbothered eyes level with his, never impressed.

‘You’re crazy’ Daniel stated calmly, not knowing what to say.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to change his father’s mind, whatever he was thinking about doing to him. He was at his complete mercy. Had always been.

‘You’re 18, I don’t owe you anything anymore. I wish for you to leave my house. I have no use for you. It’s no bother taking anything with you, everything you own is mine. These are your official papers. I allow you to keep my name. I suggest you cancel medical school as soon as you can. You won’t be able to afford it. Maybe if you think hard enough about your life choices, I'll allow you back in.’

There were so many things Daniel wanted to say, through his stunned anger. Things like Since when do you give a shit about what I do? or Does it really matter more than you not having a son in med school? and Isn’t it why I’m here in the first place? So you can say you have a son in med school?

‘You don’t have anything to say?’ he said instead, turning to his mother, all his anger channeled at her and her silence. He’d always been mad at his father, that was nothing new. But this was all her fault in the first place, or so he realized in that very moment.

She looked downwards even more.

Daniel found himself snorting. He stepped closer to her, in hopes of making her look up at him.

‘Why did you marry him? I would have been fine growing up without a dad you know. Even better, you should have had the guts to abort me when you could.’

The words had come out on their own, scornful and mean.

‘He’d be alone like he deserves,’ Daniel went on, ‘you’d still be a doctor, I wouldn’t be here and everyone would be happy.’

Not enough years had gone by that he didn’t regret what he had said to her, how she had flinched, unable to look his way.

He shouldn’t have redirected his anger at her. Ultimately, it wasn’t her fault. His father had always been the big baddie in the story.

Daniel paced around trying to find his laptop, not registering he could just go look into his phone. He opened it, googling as fast as he could.

The headlines weren’t what he thought they’d be.

BTS SUGA ATTEMPTED SUICIDE

BTS RM emergency phone call leaked — bandmate SUGA attempted suicide

RM saved Suga, hear the phone call

A BTS MEMBER ATTEMPTED SUICIDE LAST YEAR

BTS Suga suicide emergency call leak, saved by member RM

Daniel held his breath as he skimmed through the first headlines and articles, and ultimately, he stumbled on a page where the thing played on its own

‘I need help for my friend, we’re at the Capital Hotel…The address is 24 Basil St. He’s unconscious right now.’ Namjoon’s voice came ringing into his ears.
‘I’m sending an ambulance your way. What is his condition?’
‘He overdosed on painkillers…’
‘What kind of painkillers, illegal, or prescription?’
'Yes, they’re prescription…’

Daniel shut his laptop in one go, not wanting to hear more, having already disobeyed Yoongi.

Yoongi was sitting absently through what must have been the 10th urgent PR meeting of the day. The whole team wanted his input on how to handle things, but Yoongi didn’t know what to do.

He knew the others were worried, and Yoongi didn’t know how to make it seem like he was struggling less.

It didn’t help that Yoongi had been functioning at half capacity the whole week. He barely ate and slept in the last days, after he had broken Daniel’s heart and his own.

He had managed not to drink again, but he didn’t know how he was going to keep that up now.

The whole leak wasn’t necessary, really. Yoongi almost found it comical how things kept going wrong.

Namjoon had woken Yoongi up in the night to tell him about what had happened. He had just received a call from the management team. Apparently an emergency worker had leaked the confidential emergency recording of Namjoon's call.

They both had gotten up and had been picked up to get to the building.

The first few meetings had been about legal actions and finding people responsible.

Yoongi felt bad for Namjoon. He was the one in the phone call, the one with his emotions on display.

Namjoon forbid him to listen to it, and Yoongi had complied. Listening to Namjoon on that phone call would probably finish him off.

‘Thankfully we don’t have that much on national television these days but…we’ve already received postponement requests from KBS for the comeback shows’ one manager explained.

Namjoon scoffed.

‘Why would they want to postpone it? It’s us who want to postpone it if we want to, these no good headless bastards.’
‘Joon-ah…’ Yoongi started gently, trying to calm the younger down. Namjoon had been on edge since the morning. Everything that was happening was Yoongi’s fault and his only. Namjoon shouldn’t defend him like he had.

‘We should postpone the comeback if things start getting cancelled’ the manager continued.
‘Oh so they’re cancelled now, not just postponed?’ Namjoon snorted ironically.
‘Namjoon-ah, we’re trying to keep ourselves ahead. We need to release Yoongi’s statement first, then we can see what the media response is’ Sejin replied gently.

Yoongi looked into his lap. This got Namjoon fired up again.

‘He already told you he wouldn’t make a statement about it. This breached so many confidentiality laws in more than one country, we won’t get the blame for things that are out of our control! We told you to fix it on your own.’

‘It’s not the legal part that will pose problems, nor international response but…Korean media and national networks are under strict rules and this…’ the manager tried to explain.
‘What? What’s this that you can’t name? Mental health? Depression? Suicide?’
‘Namjoon-ah’ Sejin nudged calmly.
‘Maybe it would be better if I made a statement as soon as possible. Maybe they wouldn’t make us postpone anything…’ Yoongi finally spoke, his voice wobbly.

‘No hyung, they would. They will. It doesn’t matter what we say. You can explain on your own time, later. Not now when you’re…vulnerable.’

Yoongi knew Namjoon was also referring to his break up with Daniel.

‘We realize the timing is terrible, but Yoongi-ssi,’ the manager said as he looked towards Yoongi, ‘the most recurring response is that you lied about what happened last year, that you’re a drug addict, that the group is about to fall apart. You want to clear these things out, don’t you?’

Yoongi’s heart sank into his chest, bile rising into his throat.

‘Is that…Is that what people are saying?’ he asked uncertainly, eyes shifting to all the people in the room.
‘Sejin-ssi, fire him’ Namjoon said dryly, shocking the manager himself and also Yoongi.
‘Joon-ah he’s just reporting—‘ Yoongi tried to reason with Namjoon, only to be cut off by Sejin.
‘Get out. We’re finding solutions here’ he said to the faulty manager.

They all waited in silence as the manager gathered his things and left the room, Yoongi not only guilty of burdening all his members, but also the whole staff.

‘Yoongi-ah, do you want to wait?’ Sejin addressed him softly once it was just him, Yoongi and Namjoon.

Yoongi nodded, unsure of what would come next.

‘Then we wait. We go as normal with the comeback preparations, the date for digital release is being settled right now.’
‘We’ll handle KBS when we get there’ Namjoon added.
‘Thank you’ Yoongi whispered.
‘Okay. In the meantime, try to lay low all right? We’ll get you out of the spotlight as long as we can. And no statement until you want to make one. You both should head back to the dorms, get some sleep.’

Namjoon sat upright and went for Yoongi, taking him by the arm to rush him out.

‘Are you okay hyung?’
‘Yeah…no…I don’t know’ Yoongi mumbled, adrenaline gone and his fatigue shredding out his brain.
‘Me too’ Namjoon said, sounding vulnerable.

They stayed silent, Yoongi letting Namjoon steer him towards the exit, towards a car, back to the dorms. When he got there he vaguely remembered telling Namjoon he needed some time alone to think, and he was in his room.

A phone call stirred him from his trance like daydream. Upon seeing Daniel’s name briefly on the screen, Yoongi put the thing to his ear swiftly.

‘Dan’ Yoongi whispered in a breath.
‘I…Jungkook just called me. I saw what happened.’

Daniel sounded deeply tired. Yoongi didn’t recognize his voice.
‘Dan…’ Yoongi started, not knowing where to start, if he could even start somewhere.
‘How are you?’ Daniel asked in that same hollow tone, sounding close to tears.

Yoongi stayed silent, both not knowing how to answer and still reflecting on Daniel’s voice.

‘Do you want me to come over?’ Daniel pressed.
Yoongi untensed at the prospect, at the possibility of it.
‘Yes’ he agreed without further thought, when he should have said no.
‘Are you at the building?’
‘I’m at the dorms.’
‘I’m coming over.’
‘Did you listen to it?’
‘Just the beginning, not on purpose. I’m sorry.’
‘Okay.’

It seemed like Yoongi only blinked before Daniel found him in his room, in the same position he had been in since he had arrived there, sat on the edge of the bed, his phone still in his hand.

Yoongi looked up to stare at Daniel’s face. Daniel was already studying him, his face frowning in concern, scanning Yoongi for any hint of something to worry about.

Daniel came to sit next to him, and he put an arm over his shoulders to pull him towards himself, Yoongi immediately laying his head on his shoulder, sighing in relief.

It must have been a long while afterwards that Yoongi finally pulled back. The whole leak thing had left his mind completely.

‘Dan I…I wanted to say it back. I couldn’t say it back. I can’t do that to you.’
‘Do what?’ Daniel asked gently, tone soft and calm.
‘You needed me to say it first and I…I couldn’t say it to you. For months I’ve been meaning to. I’m sorry I’m not what you need. You needed me and I was too scared.’

There it was. The decision Yoongi had unconsciously made, that made him unable to say it back to Daniel.

Yoongi didn’t deserve to love Daniel. It was better for him this way. Yoongi had to do the right thing and let Daniel go. The leak was only proof. That he shouldn’t have let himself drag Daniel into his mess in the first place.

‘I need you now too’ Daniel told him, still calm, when Yoongi couldn’t help the tears falling down his face.
‘I know’ was all Yoongi answered, looking away, feeling Daniel’s gaze on him for a little while more, before Daniel got up from the bed.
‘I have to go’ he said before leaving Yoongi there.

Yoongi was still sat at the edge of his bed. WIshing he wasn't left alone.

‘A vlive?’
‘Yeah! If you say the whole story your way, now that things are settling down, it might just help you clear everything. This way you know you’re doing it for yourself, and for army.’

Yoongi smiled sadly at Hoseok’s suggestion. They were all trying so hard to support him, to make it as if things were normal. But Yoongi knew. That he was just worrying everyone. He looked like death, and he had lost weight already.

‘Things aren’t settling down, Hobah’ Yoongi smiled off, trying to find this funny at least.

It had only been 3 days since the leak. The company was up to its elbows in lawsuits in the UK and on the international board of whatever and some other legal instances that he didn’t get the names of and didn’t know the purposes of. All he knew was that they would win. And that he would ask Daniel to explain how to him, if he could.

But he couldn’t.

‘Tell me you’ll think about it? It could be a compromise? I know the company wants you to make a statement. I know you’d like something clear and impersonal, but a vlive might just do the same, and I know it would make you feel better.’
‘How would it make me feel better?’
‘It’d make you feel like you weren’t lying.’
‘Okay. I’ll think about it. Can we just…get on with the song?’ Yoongi asked to change the subject.
‘Hyung, we can take a break.’

Hoseok was helping him with the choreography for their upcoming mv, to be shot that week, with incredible timing. Yoongi had missed most of their practice in the last two days, with all his legal meetings. And he had made Namjoon miss out too.

Yoongi took up his position again, rising up from where he was sat next to Hobi on the floor.

‘I’d rather not.’

Hoseok was looking at him worriedly.
‘Hyung…you shouldn’t exhaust yourself…I know you’re trying to distract yourself.’
‘That’s exactly what I’m doing. So will you help me or not?’

Hoseok sighed, but he looked resigned.

‘Yeah, sure. Let’s do this.’

When Yoongi got back to the dorms, he was indeed exhausted. He slumped over on his bed. And rejoiced in the blank of his mind.
Someone found their way next to him, petting his hair tenderly, and Yoongi wished it was Daniel.

But Daniel was gone.

‘I miss Dan’ Yoongi blurted out, scaring Jimin, who had probably thought he was asleep by then.
‘Oh Yoongi-hyung…What happened?’ Jimin asked tentatively after resuming his hair petting with even more tenderness.

Yoongi hadn’t told any of them what had happened between him and Daniel. All they knew was that he came to the dorms that night after Daniel left, and cried on Taehyung’s shoulder for the rest of the night, with Jungkook and Hoseok, the three of them the only people a the dorm that night, trying to comfort him as best they could, trying to get him to say what had happened, in more specific terms than ‘Dan hates me’, or ‘I hurt Dan’.

‘I didn’t tell him…I was horrible to him…I…I b-broke his heart…’ Yoongi stuttered out.
‘Hyung…whatever it is, I’m sure you can fix it.’
‘I don’t deserve for it to be fixed.’
Yoongi heard Jimin sigh deeply.
‘Hyung…you think you’re not good enough for Daniel? You messed up and now you think Daniel would be better off without you? I know you hyung, I know how you think.’

Yoongi whined. So what if he was predictable? He couldn’t change now.

‘I’m s-stu-p-pid…’
‘You’re only stupid if you leave things like they are hyung. What about Dan? Don’t you think he deserves to get his happy ending too? You’re his happy ending hyung. Have you ever thought about how you’d hurt him by denying yourself what you think you don’t deserve?’
‘Jiminie…Everyone knows…everyone kn-kno-ows I…that I tried…’

Yoongi didn’t how or why he changed the subject, nor which one made him cry, both things equally upsetting to him. But there he was.
‘Hyung…’
‘Everyone kno-ows w-what I d-did t-to you.’

Jimin held him close that night, and Yoongi didn’t remember falling asleep.

Yoongi was doing slightly better, as another week passed by.

He mostly put everything at the back of his mind and distracted himself with the comeback preparations.

They were practicing choreography for the extra singles. They had just shot the main single mv.

The others took good care of him.

Yoongi looked at his phone, seeing there was nothing from Daniel yet again. Yoongi was about to head for the dorms after another dance catch up with Hobi.

Yoongi had tried to make peace with his decision to let Daniel go, but it hadn’t worked, especially not with everything that was going on. But Yoongi felt even more selfish, wishing Daniel was by his side because he needed him. Not the other way around.

Yoongi had also given a lot of thought to what Jimin had said.

He didn’t want to hurt Daniel. And he didn’t want to let him go.

If he didn’t do anything now it would be too late, he would lose him.

Yoongi told the driver to head to his place instead, forcing himself to keep going, ringing at Daniel’s door, and having no answer, letting himself in.

‘Daniel? It’s me. Can we talk?’ Yoongi called out, trying to sound confident.

He stayed in the hallway for a while more, but nothing from Daniel.

He wasn’t there.

Yoongi’s heart dropped. He was too late. Maybe Daniel was just working, but more likely he was distracting himself at the club with a hookup, trying to forget about Yoongi.

Yoongi’s eyes filled with tears and he started to turn around to leave.

Except he couldn’t just make his mind about Daniel like that all the time. He had to make sure.

Yoongi ventured into the apartment, tried the bathroom, but there were no showers on, and Daniel was indeed nowhere to be found.

Something selfish and self-destructive made him look into the bedroom before leaving for good and aborting the talk project. Yoongi longed to smell him. Just a pillow would do. It wouldn’t be creepy at all.

Except when Yoongi got to Daniel’s bedroom, Daniel was there. He was just sleeping in his bed.

Yoongi sniffled, relieved. He stepped closer.

‘Dan? Are you awake?’ he called again.
‘Dan?’

Daniel grunted, but didn’t move more.
Yoongi rounded the bed to look at Daniel’s face.

His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were shut tight.

‘Dan? Are you okay?’ Yoongi asked again, sitting by the bed next to Daniel, worry in his tone now.

Yoongi put a hand on his forehead. He was burning hot.

‘Dan…’ Yoongi sermoned.

Daniel didn’t wake up but he started coughing, a deep, nasty cough. Yoongi looked around. There was nothing on the side table, not a glass of water or some ibuprofen, nothing.
Yoongi sighed. He went to Daniel’s bathroom and looked through the cabinets.
And there was absolutely no medicine in there either. Nothing at all.

Yoongi shook his head disapprovingly and ran to his apartment to get supplies. When he came back he tried to stir Daniel from his fitful sleep.

‘Mmm Yoongi?’ Daniel asked, between two deep coughs.
‘Yeah, it’s me. Come on, drink this.’

Yoongi handed him a cold water bottle, which Daniel tried his best to gulp down. Yoongi also handed him pills to get the fever down.

‘I’m cold Yoongi.’
‘I know, here, keep this…in there’ Yoongi told him as he shoved a thermometer under his tongue. ‘How long have you been sick?’

Daniel shrugged.

Yoongi sighed. He put a cold towel over Daniel’s forehead, and rearranged the blankets over him.

‘Go back to sleep baby.’
The name slipped out on its own, and Yoongi felt bad he was taking advantage of Daniel’s lethargy to feel like things were normal between them.
Daniel hummed.

Yoongi went back to the kitchen to put together some soup and some tea. Yoongi didn’t know since when Daniel had been sick and when he last ate.

It was almost funny. How easy it was for Yoongi to forget everything else, when he was making chicken soup for his sick (ex)boyfriend. How easy it was to put Daniel first.

Yoongi knew Daniel had put him first all along.

Yoongi went back to Daniel, did his best to feed him the soup and make him drink the tea.

Yoongi eventually lied next to Daniel, and petted his hair, until Yoongi fell asleep himself. The day after, Daniel wasn’t really doing any better. Yoongi woke him up to make him drink, and gave him something for his cough. The fever had gone down slightly, but it was still concerning. He would be bedridden all day again.

Shit, maybe Yoongi should call in at Daniel’s work? Since when had he been stuck there?

Except it was already established Yoongi didn’t know anyone from Daniel’s work.

Or did he?

He went through Daniel’s phone and without further thought pressed the call button.

‘Please tell me you’re not dead, they’ll swallow me whole around here. Where the hell are you?!’

Yoongi was taken aback by the anxious answer.

‘Um…Jihoon-ssi?’

Silence. Stunned silence probably.

‘Um…Hello? Who is this?’
‘I’m sorry to call with Dan…with Mr Sung’s phone like that, but he’s very sick right now and I thought I should call in, say he can’t make it today.’
‘What? Who is this?’

Shit. That was a very important detail. Who could he say he was? Yoongi was also somewhat startled by the youthful voice and manic tone. This was a law student all right.

‘I’m um…I’m the…the maid.’

Fucking terrible.

‘The maid? Uh…okay. And what did you say your name was?’
‘Yoongi. I’ll leave you to your day then, good—'
‘Wait, wait…is he really sick this time? He’s been calling sick for the past two weeks.’

Yoongi’s stomach dropped. Daniel, calling in sick? Since they broke up?

‘Ah…well…he is sick right now. He has fever. He can’t possibly come in today. Or tomorrow for that matter.’
‘Shit. Um…okay. Was he sick yesterday?’

Yoongi felt a sudden wave of sadness that he didn’t know the answer to that, even though every fibre of his being was telling him that he should know how long Daniel had been sick for. That it was his fault he was sick in the first place.

‘I didn’t come in yesterday. I only come on Wednesdays’ was what he thought to say in response, tears welling up in his eyes.
‘Right. Well…thank you for taking the time I guess.’
‘Of course.’
‘He has a fever you say? Like the flu?’
‘Yes he has a terrible cough, the usual.’
‘Okay…tell him to drink honey tea, works every time.’
‘Already done. I’ll get…We’ll get him back on his feet in no time.’
‘Great, that sounds great. Hey um…Yoongi-ssi?’
‘Yes?’
‘Are you his boyfriend?’

Yoongi froze.
He never should have called in the first place. This was a terrible idea, meddling in Daniel’s affairs like this.

Except that something in Jihoon’s voice sounded hopeful, and talking with the kid, Yoongi knew he was loyal. He wouldn’t give a shit if Daniel was gay. Why wouldn’t Daniel have seen that?
Yoongi looked back at Daniel through the doorframe, seeing him sleeping.

Yoongi couldn’t make the decision for him. He had to find out on his own. Even if the kid already knew.
And besides, maybe Yoongi wasn’t Daniel’s boyfriend anymore, and never would be again.

‘Um…no. No, I’m just the maid’ Yoongi ended up saying with a sad tone, only hearing himself settling his breakup with Daniel.
‘Right. Yeah sure. Sorry about that.’
‘No you’re fine.’
‘Well um…if ever you were his boyfriend um…I hope you do. Get him back on his feet, I mean.’
‘Yeah.’
‘All right. Goodbye Yoongi-ssi. Send him back soon will ya? There’s only so much I can do to work on the case, and they’ll fire me if he’s not around.’
‘Will do. Goodbye Jihoon-ssi.’
‘Bye.’

Yoongi paced away around Daniel’s apartment after that, contemplating whether or not he had done the right thing. Seeing time fly by, Yoongi felt a pinch to his heart at having to go to the building for practice.

‘Daniel’ Yoongi whispered softly, brushing his hair.
Daniel grunted.
'I have to swing by the building for a while, I’ll be back soon okay? You rest and stay right here.’
‘Hmm…Yoongi, don’t go’ Daniel all but wailed, his voice cracking from the flu.
Tears immediately welled up in Yoongi’s eyes.
‘It’s just for a little while okay?’ Yoongi assured, rearranging the blankets over him.

Yoongi didn’t tell the others why he was so unfocused during their practice that afternoon, his mind full of sick Daniel, of Jihoon going around the office saying he spoke with Daniel’s boyfriend…
No.

Yoongi told Hoseok he couldn’t do extra practice that evening, that he had to go back home, and Hoseok was about to protest, about Yoongi being alone probably, and not about the practice, but Yoongi cut him off.

‘It’s about Daniel.’
‘Oh…’
‘I need to fix something. I’m trying.’
‘I see. You’ll get him back hyung.’

Yoongi smiled at the encouragement. If only it was that easy.

Yoongi got back to Daniel, who was still in bed sleeping, but he looked like he had showered. He was still sniffling and coughing lightly, but his fever had broken.

‘Hey baby. Do you feel a bit better?’ Yoongi nudged, sensing Daniel was waking.
‘Yoongi, you’re back.’
‘I told you I’d be back. Do you need anything?’
‘What was that tea you were making me drink?’
‘It’s just honey with lemon juice and ginger. And glycerin. Did you like it? It’s sweet and hot.’
‘It was good. Can I have some more?’
‘Good. Min family recipe. I’ll make you some more.’
‘You’re a good nurse.’

Yoongi smiled.

‘Like my mom’ Daniel added.

Yoongi’s smile faltered. The statement surprised him. He thought Daniel didn’t really like his mom, that his parents never really took care of him. Why would she have been a good nurse? Normally, if he were to ask something about that sort of statement, Daniel would just change the subject and brush him off. Yoongi felt bad again that he was taking advantage of Daniel’s weak state.

‘Your mom took good care of you when you were sick?’ Yoongi asked tentatively.
‘Yes’ he nodded, sniffing loudly before entering a coughing fit.

Yoongi brushed his back through it.

‘When I was a kid,’ Daniel went on, voice gruff, ‘I think I was 4 or 5, it was before they shipped me off to boarding school, I took a random bottle from my father’s mini bar. I know now it was scotch, I can recognize the taste anywhere now. I drank from it as much as I could in one go, because I knew it would make me sick. I did that because I figured out the only times my mom would hug me, hold my hand, pet my hair or tuck me in was when I was sick.'

Yoongi’s face fell, and he held tighter around Daniel’s shoulders. He tried to find something to say, but was stunned silent.

‘It worked, I puked my guts out the whole night, and she stayed by me on the bathroom floor. I thought it was worth it at the time, but I barely remember half of it’ Daniel scoffed out, the scoff even more cynical with how deep his voice was from the flu.

‘I was a stupid kid’ he added with a wet laugh.

Yoongi didn’t really say more or tried to pry further, since Daniel fell back asleep. Yoongi made some more tea, woke him up so he could drink it and eat soup, and Yoongi spent the night close to him again, Daniel’s words fumbling around in his head.

No wonder he was shit at communicating.

Yoongi woke up to Daniel shuffling beside him.

‘Hey’ Yoongi whispered.
‘Hey’ Daniel replied, without looking at him.

Yoongi got up.

‘Do you need anything? Are you hungry? I can make you that tea again?’

Daniel stayed silent except for a few coughs, sitting by the edge of the bed, his back to Yoongi. Like he had been, before he left Yoongi’s apartment that night.

‘Yoongi you…you shouldn’t have come’ Daniel said slowly.

Yoongi’s heart sank in his chest for the hundredth time in so short a time.

‘Okay…should I go?’ Yoongi asked, close to tears already.
‘Yes please. I’m…I’m better now, you don’t have to worry about me’ Daniel explained sadly.
‘I’m sorry…I…’ Yoongi managed out, not really knowing what wrong he was apologizing for. There were plenty.
‘Don’t come back to check up on me’ Daniel added, still not looking back at him.
‘Okay…’
‘I just…I don’t need…I don’t need your pity or…or anything like that.’
‘Dan, I—’
‘Please, Yoongi. Just…just don’t come back to check up on me. And don’t send Jungkook either, or make him call me. It’s fine.’
‘Okay…I’m…I’m sorry.’
‘Okay.’
‘I just…I don’t want you to stay alone…’
‘Well. It is what it is’ Daniel replied darkly.

Yoongi’s feet took him to the doorframe, his whole body hunched in on itself in self-pity. Yoongi couldn’t leave things like that.

‘Dan I’m…’ he started, turning around, ‘I don’t think I meant what I told you. That I’m not what you need. I want to be what you need, I do. I mean I’m…Maybe you don’t feel the same about me now, and I would understand. I know maybe you need to think about us, about me…but I’ll be there when you’re ready to talk. If I could say it back now to undo everything, I would. But I can’t. Not like this. I couldn’t say it then either, not like that.’
Yoongi heard Daniel take a deep breath.
‘Take care…I miss you’ Yoongi added, and turned around to leave again.
‘I miss you too’ Daniel said, loud enough for Yoongi to hear on his way out.

As Yoongi was rushing down the stairs, he heard Daniel cry.

‘Hello everybody’ Yoongi spoke into his monitor, the vlive set up in his dorm room, somewhere familiar. He knew the others, all present, were watching everything in their respective rooms. Knowing they were close kept him at ease. The pr staff were close by as well.

‘This is quite something’ Yoongi said with a chuckle, passing a hand over his face with a sigh.

The decision to do the vlive came another week later. Enough time had gone by for people to piece things together, for the lawsuits to be ongoing, for Yoongi to have composed himself.

He wasn’t entirely composed, but he was getting there. This would help.

‘So…I won’t really wait for people to come in, I have things to say today, and well you can all watch it back if you want. I can’t really take your questions or anything like that.’

Yoongi passed a nervous hand through his hair. He was bare faced, only a simple white shirt on, his hair still fluffy and all over the place from the shower he took just before this.

This was him, completely open.

‘I know you all know why. I’m…I’m here to talk about what happened. I was supposed to make an official statement but I’ll do this live instead. I wrote a letter last time, so I’ll do this differently now.’

Yoongi took a deep breath.

‘So…did I try to kill myself? Yes. Is the tape real? Yes. Did Namjoon and the other members save my life? Yes.’

Yoongi willed himself not to look at the comments. He knew they were probably good, wishing him well, but he couldn’t get himself to, if he wanted to get this over with.

‘I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want to lie, but this…this was too personal, you know?
I know some of you might have been in the same situation as me, and I know how guilty you feel, how ashamed. I don’t want you to feel that, but I can’t help but feel that myself. And with this illegal leak, all the work I’ve done on trying not to feel so ashamed of everything I did last year is gone.
I don’t want to tell you all the little details, but basically, last year I had a severe depressive episode, that affected my physical health greatly, and topped with my shoulder injury, and other things in my personal life, I wasn’t doing very good. Logically, I should not have gone on the tour, but at the time I felt so…
I felt like I had to go, that if I didn’t it would make things worse. I was not in the right mindset to go through that, and in a moment of panic, that I don’t remember very well, I tried to commit suicide.
If it hadn’t been for the others checking up on me, I wouldn’t be here.
But it’s nothing new that I owe them my life so… Here we are. I’ve been doing very well this year, and I am on medication now. I had been in the past, but I’m not afraid of needing medication now.
It’s about all I wanted to say. I’ll always be around to make music. That’s what’s important. I hope you’re all doing well. Don’t be ashamed. Take time for yourselves, listen to your bodies.
Thank you, for your support. I’ll be going now, before I cry.’

Yoongi waved, before shutting the thing off, and it felt like a weight had been pulled off his shoulders.
It didn’t take long for the others to come barging in, Jimin being the first to hug him sideways, joined by Taehyung.

‘It went really well hyung. You were amazing’ Namjoon said at some point.

Yoongi just wanted to be alone. They must have sensed it, since not too long after they were gone, ‘good night hyung’s uttered sweetly on their way out.

Yoongi fell on his back in his bed and pulled his phone.

Daniel had texted him.

Since Yoongi last saw him, the older had texted him a few times, the first being the very same day Yoongi left him alone in the morning, still sick. He had asked if Yoongi had spoken to Jihoon.
Yoongi had feared he had fucked up even more, having forgotten about the whole Jihoon thing, but Daniel had only thanked him.
Daniel had asked here and there how Yoongi was doing, following the whole leak ordeal from afar. Yoongi asked back, but Daniel never answered directly.

Yoongi only pictured him all sad, sitting alone on his couch, being heartbroken but still needing to know how Yoongi was doing.

Yoongi didn’t know if he could forgive himself if ever he and Daniel were really over.

[Hot neighbour 19:34]
What you said was very beautiful Yoongi.
I’m so proud of you.

Yoongi smiled sadly to himself.

God did he love that man. He loved him so much. And he let him go.

[Me 19:35]
Thank you
It means a lot coming from you.
I miss you

[Hot neighbour 19:35]
I miss you too

Yoongi sighed out in relief. This would be all he would get today, he knew as much.
It would have to be enough.

Yoongi was a whole hot mess.

He thought he had been doing well, regardless of everything.

Apparently not.

That morning, leaving bed had been excruciating. He had made sure he had taken everything well, not a pill forgotten.
But still. They had learned that there was a hiccup with one of the international lawsuits the evening before, Yoongi hadn’t really followed the details. And then during the day, even though things had cleared up pr-wise after his vlive, they had lost their samsung contract over a stupid clause or whatever.
Needless to say, the staff had been on edge all day, Yoongi whisked away from dance practice he so desperately needed.

He was alone in his apartment. And there was a buzzing at the door.
Yoongi knew it might be one of the members coming to check up on him. He had told them he would be coming here to be alone.

Yoongi managed to get up from where he was curled up on his bathroom floor, and headed mechanically towards the door, not feeling like lying to the members on top of how shitty he was feeling about everything being disrupted because of him.

Of course, when Yoongi opened the door, with his hair in disarray, his shirt all dirty, his face puffy and red from stray tears and strain, Daniel was on the other side.

‘Hey’ Daniel greeted, looking Yoongi over with a slight frown.
‘Hey…’ Yoongi replied, hearing his voice’s gruff tone.

‘Are you okay?’ Daniel asked first, frowning in concern.
‘I’m…I…I just threw up…’
‘Yoons…’
‘Dan…I’m sorry, shit. You don’t have to be here…’ Yoongi cut in, snorting at how pitiful he sounded.
‘Do you want me to leave?’ Daniel asked.
‘No. No I don’t want you to leave. I wanted you to come talk to me. But that’s selfish of me.’
‘I don’t want to leave either’ Daniel replied confidently.

Yoongi turned around, leaving the door open for Daniel to follow him inside.

They sat at the kitchen island and Yoongi poured them both a glass of water, his hands shaking, Daniel watching him intently, following his movements.

Yoongi looked back at Daniel. Yoongi only realized now he was wearing jeans, and an old t shirt, and his hair wasn’t styled, his features were drawn and he had visibly lost weight.

‘You look like shit too. I’m sorry’ Yoongi said apologetically.
‘It’s okay.’
‘It’s not…I made you sad.’
‘It’s okay…’ Daniel repeated.

Yoongi looked around, unable to face Daniel’s stare. Why did he have to choose then of all times to come around again?

‘It’s fine. I’ll be fine. The company are taking—’ Yoongi decided on stating, before Daniel cut him off, taking his hands in his.
‘It’s okay, Jungkook told me. We don’t have to talk about that.’

Yoongi relished in the warmth of Daniel’s hands on his.

‘I missed you’ Yoongi couldn’t help but whisper.
‘I missed you too’ Daniel replied in a breath. ‘You said you wanted to talk?’ he pressed, his thumb rubbing against the back of Yoongi’s hand.

The words came stumbling out of Yoongi’s mouth.

‘I wish this whole leak didn’t happen because…it’s about me again. I don’t want things to be about me. You know that’s why I didn’t say it back right?’
'No I don’t. Why…why did you push me away?’ Daniel asked in a small voice.
‘I couldn’t say it back I’ve been…I’ve been a shit boyfriend. You were going through shit and all I did was make up my mind that you were cheating on me. I should have been the one to tell you first.’
‘Yoongi it’s not your fault I didn’t tell you anything.’
‘No it’s my fault, I know how you are, I should have made you tell me what was wrong. I wasn’t there for you. And then…you told me first, even after we’d established that I was shit.’
‘We never established that.’
‘And then this happens. Right after I told you I would take care of you’ Yoongi almost whined, the tears welling up again in his eyes.
‘I don’t care about that, all I care about is that we stay together. I won’t bring up the love thing again if that’s what you want.’
‘No Dan, of course I want you to bring up the love thing. I feel the same. You know I do right? But I just…what if I’m never enough for you?’

Yoongi finally managed to look up into Daniel’s eyes, seeing only interrogation.

‘Why do you say that?’ Daniel asked quizzically.
‘Dan…it wasn’t the last time I’ll be away.’
Daniel looked down, seemingly guilty.
‘I’ve made up my mind. I’d miss you more if we weren’t together.’
‘Oh Dan…’
‘Why didn’t you say it back?’ Daniel looked back at Yoongi, expression pleading.

‘Tell me something’ Yoongi said instead of answering.
‘What?’
‘Tell me something you’re feeling. Tell me something you’re scared of.’
Daniel stared at him puzzled, until his face smoothed out again, understanding the question.
‘I’m scared you…I’m scared you leave me. I’m scared that I’ll lose you, and that…I won’t even be the first to know.’

Yoongi strengthened his grip on Daniel’s hands.

‘I’m scared I’ll make a mistake. I’m scared I’ll make a mistake and everyone will know, the next headline will be about you being gay, and everyone will turn on you, the way everyone turned on me. It would be my fault. Because I’m selfish enough to want to keep you for myself. I can’t do that to you. But I don’t know what else to do. So I just…I’m holding myself back. Until you…until you decide I’m…’

Seeing Daniel wasn’t going to finish, Yoongi brought a hand up to the older’s face, caressing his cheek, brushing off the stray tear there.

‘Dan. Idols date in secret all the time. That won’t happen. And if it did, it wouldn’t be your fault. It’s not our fault, that we are who we are. It’s better to hide it for now because it’s less complicated, but it’s not us who make it complicated. It’s not your fault if you love me, it doesn’t have to be a problem.’

Yoongi inhaled sharply.

‘It’s not my fault if I love you. I want to be with you too. It wouldn’t be on you.’

Daniel was fighting off his tears now.

‘It’ll be okay. You can let yourself love me. I love you. I want you to love me. You make me happy. I love you so much’ Yoongi added, both hands on Daniel’s face now.
‘I love you too’ Daniel mumbled.
‘I love you, I love you. I told you, that you wouldn’t have to be without me. As long as you’ll have me’ Yoongi managed to say before Daniel engulfed him in his arms, lifting Yoongi from his stool, Yoongi almost floating in the air as Daniel held him close to his chest.

Yoongi held back just as fiercely. They pulled back, their foreheads touching, Yoongi’s feet back on the ground.

‘Are you okay? Are you still sick?’ Daniel asked gently, his fist under Yoongi’s chin.
‘I’m not sick Dan. I threw up on purpose.’
‘What do you mean?’ Daniel asked, his brows furrowing.
‘I ate too much.’
‘What do you mean?’Daniel repeated.
Yoongi didn't feel up to dealing with this for now, choosing to push this subject to another time, when he would be ready.
‘Dan, what’s going on at work? Tell me everything.’
‘But Yoongi…the leak…’
‘No I don’t want to think about it. I want to think about you.’
‘Okay.’ Daniel sighed out, resigned.
‘What do you want to do? Do you want to quit?’
‘No. I mean…I can’t just quit.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s…it’s all I know.'
‘You’re a business lawyer, that’s what you know. Can’t you work somewhere else? With your resume and experience, you could work anywhere.’
‘You’re right…I never thought about quitting.’
‘Is that something you can see yourself doing?’
‘I don’t know’ stated sheepishly.
‘You have to think about it baby, you can’t go on like that either.’
‘I know. I will.’
‘I’ll help you. For real this time.’

Yoongi pressed his head against Daniel’s chest again, indulging in another hug.

‘Are we good?’ Daniel asked, as he was petting the back of Yoongi’s head.
‘We are. Are we?’
‘We are. I…I love you’ Daniel hesitated.
‘I love you too. I’m sorry. For all our misunderstandings.’
‘I’m sorry for not talking to you better.’
‘Same for me.’

Daniel pulled back.

‘Yoongi…that night, when I went to get you…you’ll tell me what it was about?’
Yoongi stared at Daniel's pleading face. ‘I’ll tell you. You’ll tell me? About your mom?’
Daniel thought about Yoongi's question.
‘I’ll tell you.’

Perhaps related to how shitty of a day he had had, and how everything seemed to get resolved, some frantic energy possessed Yoongi.

‘Dan…I know my timing is shit, but…move in with me.’
‘What?’
‘I mean, move in with me somewhere new. Somewhere for the both of us.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘Yes. I am.’
‘I…where would we live? If I quit I won’t have money’ Daniel said, starting to laugh as he said it, Yoongi following.
'Do I have to remind you how much you make a year? And I think I can manage to support my boyfriend’ Yoongi replied sarcastically.
Daniel raised his eyebrows, a grin plastered on his face.
‘Are you saying you’re rich, Min Yoongi?’
‘Could be’ Yoongi shrugged with a grin as well.

They stared at one antoher with a smile on for a while.

‘I’ve been looking up places in Hannam when I was on tour’ Yoongi revealed.
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. They’re really big places so I can’t move in there alone, you see’ Yoongi tried to joke.
‘Yes.’
‘What?’
‘Yes I’ll move in with you. Wherever you want.’

Yoongi got up on his tiptoes, and Daniel bent down slightly so their lips could touch, their kiss sweet, chaste, Yoongi moving his lips over Daniel’s, their arms circling around each other.

When they pulled back, Daniel gestured for them to sit down again, and he held Yoongi’s hand in his, their stools facing each other.

‘Can I tell you something unfunny?’ Daniel started.
‘Go.'
‘After that time when you told me about me not working out with Jungkook…’
‘Yes…’
‘And you were sitting pretty on my lap…’
‘Yes…’
‘You didn’t do anything afterwards and I…I thought I had done something wrong and I…I told myself I would wait until you wanted it’ Daniel concluded.
‘It’s very unfunny’ Yoongi deadpanned.
‘I didn’t realize you not doing anything was related to me saying I was tired that one day. I didn’t realize I didn’t initiate anything myself around then. I guess I…I was so inside my head, that I needed you to pull me away.’
‘I thought…I thought maybe you wanted a break from us fucking…or I don’t know.’
‘And so did I. After that I was very aware that we weren’t fucking.’
‘I thought it didn’t bother you that we weren’t fucking.’
‘And I thought it didn’t bother you.’

‘We’re shit’ Yoongi realized out loud, Daniel smiling despite their stupidity.
‘The shittiest. But I love us’ Daniel added.
‘I love you’ Yoongi replied, blushing at the words now.
‘I love you too. So much. Yoongi…I would never cheat on you’ Daniel said tentatively. ‘These people, that hurt you before, they’re assholes. I’ll make sure you won’t have to think about them from now on.’

Yoongi’s heart clenched, not knowing what to do with this much comfort.
‘I know’ Yoongi acknowledged.
Daniel smiled, brushing Yoongi’s hair away.
‘It’s okay if you forget. I’ll always remind you how much I love you.’

Chapter Text

Yoongi is kneeling on the bed, out of himself with nervousness.

He’s waiting for Daniel to get back from his swim, which should be soon enough.

That is, Yoongi is out of himself with horny nervousness.

Yoongi can’t help the light smile grazing his lips, his skin sensitive around the dry hot air flowing around in the room, breeze coming in from the open double window.

Every inch of his skin is sensitive, since he’s kneeling on the bed naked.

Yoongi is on vacation with Daniel, somewhere on the Adriatic Sea, he doesn’t remember where. He let Daniel choose the place and take care of everything, and Daniel doesn’t do things halfway. He rented an exquisite 18th century private villa close to the sea, with no-one in sight for at least 2 kilometres. He also arranged for a local restaurateur to deliver them food twice a week, so they’re completely cut-off from the rest of the world. The villa has three floors, a terrace glass veranda with a bedroom in it overlooking the sea, a private pool and hot tub, a home cinema, king size beds…

They have everything they need.

To be fair, all Daniel did in the last month was prepare their vacation, so it truly is no wonder it’s this flawless.

Daniel quit the firm a month ago, after he won the case. He made the decision with Yoongi’s whole support. As of now, the plan is for Daniel to take some well over due time off before looking for something else. Yoongi doesn’t know how long Daniel will last unemployed.

The decision to take a vacation just the both of them came quite early, around comeback time. About a month and a half or so after the leak, Yoongi and the other members released the lead single off their mini album and the comeback was in full swing.

Yoongi decided to shut out any reference to the leak. The company is taking care of the lawsuits, and they haven’t lost any other contract publicity wise. They performed on the music shows after all, without a hiccup.

Sometimes, when he was in these sorts of public settings, he felt eyes lingering too much on him, heard whispers when he was close by. Yoongi figures it will take time for it to go away.

As the comeback was in full swing, Daniel made the decision to quit after the end of his case. It was around then that Daniel proposed they take a vacation together.

‘Somewhere far and vacation-y, like the south of France, or Italy. Just the two of us’ he had said.

Yoongi had looked to the side at Daniel, from where he was laying in bed next to him. They had just had sex, of course, and Daniel played with his hair gently.

‘Once you’re a free man?’ Yoongi asked teasingly, already liking the idea of this vacation. A change of air would be greatly appreciated.
‘Once you’re one too. After comeback maybe, before the Asian tour? When I’m done with the case I can whip up something.’
‘That sounds great Dan. As long as it’s you and me.’

During the time between the leak and the start of their vacation, Yoongi handled a few things, the first being the members knowing Chan had raped him, something they hadn’t addressed because of the timing of the mini break-up and then the leak.

Yoongi sat down with them one evening. Yoongi revealed what he had been starting to come to terms with in the last year, ever since he first talked about Chan with his therapist. That Chan had raped him more than once. That maybe, all Chan ever did was rape him, since Yoongi never really wanted to have sex with him, and was always forced verbally and a few times, physically.

The others understood.

The conversation with Dan had been much harder.

The older had been fuming.

‘If he wasn’t already dead I’d kill him myself’ Daniel had hissed between his teeth after having listened to Yoongi calmly.
He had sat silently as Yoongi spoke, letting Yoongi fumble over his words, waiting out his silences.
‘You don’t think I’m…stupid? Or weak? I’d understand if you thought that I was just being naive.’
‘Yoongi don’t say that, please. You can’t mean that.’

When Yoongi didn’t answer, Daniel sat down next to him with a long defeated sigh. He took Yoongi’s hand in his.

‘I wish I could make it go away’ he said, more like himself, tender and sweet.

Yoongi smiled.
‘I know you do. It is what it is though.’
‘I know.’

They had not really addressed it more thoroughly, Yoongi not wanting to linger on it. But since then, there were times when Yoongi felt Daniel study him silently, staring at him. And when Yoongi would catch him, he’d just smile, the smile that made Yoongi’s insides go all gooey and his worries diminish.

There was also the matter of Daniel opening up on his side.
That had been another conversation.

Not long before the close of the case and Daniel’s impending quitting, he came back to Yoongi early one evening, way earlier than he should have been home, since he’d needed to prepare for the following day.

‘Baby? Is that you already?’ Yoongi inquired at the sound, busy brushing his teeth in the bathroom.
‘Hey Yoons.’
Daniel stepped behind Yoongi and embraced him from his back, and breathed in deeply in Yoongi’s neck before nuzzling it, trying to disappear in there.

Yoongi wanted to ask, but he kept quiet. He knew by then that something was wrong, but Daniel would say what it was eventually. Yoongi let go of the toothbrush he was holding and brought his hands up to Daniel’s hair, trying to brush against his scalp without twisting his body too much, and that seemed to be enough movement for Daniel’s face to just close in on Yoongi’s, tipping it upwards so he could kiss it, first down his cheek, his chin and neck, then finally back down to his lips, sloppily, lazily. Daniel spun Yoongi around so he could wrap his arms around him and resume the kissing a bit more aggressively, Yoongi arching his back so his hips could meet Daniel’s, eager to give the older what he was seeking.

Yoongi lowered his fingers to undo Daniel’s belt as Daniel’s tongue pressed flat against his neck, Yoongi not repressing his moans. Yoongi reached inside Daniel’s trousers and worked his cock, hard already. Yoongi kept at it as Daniel’s hands roamed his back, grabbing and fondling.

Daniel gasped into his neck before coming on Yoongi’s hand. Daniel stood there holding Yoongi by the hips.

‘Are you hungry?’ Yoongi asked gently after a while.
‘No’
‘Why don’t you go lie down baby? I’ll clean this up and join you okay?’
‘Okay’ Daniel replied obediently, and made his way towards the bed, while Yoongi cleaned his hands and finished his bed routine.

He went to Daniel in the bed and snuggled up to him.

‘I fucked up’ Daniel half-whispered after a long while. ‘I think’ he added.
‘You think?’ Yoongi prompted.

‘I got angry’ Daniel elaborated. ‘At my co-workers. It was bad.’
‘Bad how?’
‘Junho has been on my back all week and this morning he was a fucking asshole, claiming he could fire Jihoon if he wanted to when he can’t, anyway…and then Sun came to ask something and she came on to me, again, and I fucking snapped.’
‘Snapped how?’
‘I…confronted her about it…you know, like you said I should’
‘That’s really good baby, what did you say?’
‘I told her to stop doing that, that I had been enduring it for years for the sake of good business but that if it didn’t stop I would involve HR or something, that I was not interested in her and even if I was it would be inappropriate work ethic.’
‘And what did she say?’

Daniel stayed silent for a while, and Yoongi didn’t press him.

‘She said that I was under a lot of pressure and that I wasn’t in my right mind if I said I was not interested, that she knew what I felt.’

Yoongi cringed. That woman was embarrassing really.

‘So I told her that until she grew a dick, I wouldn’t be interested in her.’
‘Wow…okay…’ Yoongi sputtered, getting up on his hands to study Daniel’s face.

Daniel took a deep breath, his eyes closed, purposefully not looking at Yoongi.

‘It just came out. And I sort of shouted it, too. She ran out of my office, and I think she told everyone, since when I finally gathered the courage to leave everyone stared at me.’

Yoongi stayed silent until Daniel opened his eyes to get a response from Yoongi.

‘It’s bad right?’ Daniel whined.

Honestly…Yoongi didn’t really think it was bad. Serves her right, and fuck them all.

‘Is it bad? You’re quitting anyway baby. Even if they try to push you out, it'll take time and you'll be done with the case by then’ Yoongi tried to reason, hoping Daniel would see it the same way Yoongi did. Yoongi knew Daniel would probably never see these people again in his life after his career’s…reorientation.

‘Yeah but what if…after…It’s for after. What if everyone knows and nobody wants to hire me or…or…fund me.’

Yoongi quirked an interested brow.

‘Fund you? As in, you’d start your own cabinet?’ Yoongi followed up.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Yes you know, you’ve thought about it.’
‘Doesn’t do good to think about it, it won’t happen now.’
‘Baby, trust me, there are plenty of business owners who would hire you because you’re gay. You’re not out of work just yet.’

Daniel looked away with a nervous twitch after Yoongi’s answer, clearly thinking.

‘It’s stupid anyway’ he ended up mumbling.
‘Why? What is?’ Yoongi pressed.
‘You’ll just…I don’t want to tell you.’
‘Why not?’
‘I’m ashamed that I feel like that. That you know I feel like that.’
‘Feel like what?’
‘Embarrassed. I’m embarrassed that people know I’m gay, okay? I don’t know what to do when people know. Hoewever I look at it, I still have to go in tomorrow and face everyone.’

Yoongi’s expression softened on its own.

‘Baby I won’t judge you for that.’
‘I’m a bad gay person. I should be proud that I like to suck your dick.’

Yoongi chuckled.

‘It’s enough if you just suck it.’
‘And what a dick it is’ Daniel added with a laugh, more like himself, and Yoongi bent down to press his lips against his, snuggling up to Daniel again after lying back down.

‘It won’t be long now, you’ll get out of there’ Yoongi encouraged.
‘Yoongi?’ Daniel asked.
‘Hmm?’
‘Will you top me?’

Yoongi rose up on his hands again to look down at Daniel.

‘What?’
‘Top me?’ Daniel repeated.

‘Like…now?’ Yoongi asked hesitantly, searching Daniel's anxious expression to see where this was coming from.
‘Maybe?’ Daniel said nervously as he looked away. ‘I don’t know. Sometime’ he added quickly.
‘Why?’ Yoongi asked gently, surprised by the subject and its timing.
‘I want to try it with you.'
‘You never bottomed before right? I never asked I just assumed since you’re…’
‘Since I’m what?'
‘Huge.'
‘Yeah, well. No I never. I just thought…maybe I wanted to see what it was like with you. If it’s you I want to try it.’
‘Of course we can try baby. I don’t know if I’d be any good.’

Daniel perked up.

‘You’d like that? We don’t have to try it, obviously I love to top you.’
‘Obviously.'
'It’s just to try. Would you like to try to top me too?’
‘I would. It’s the same. I’d like to try if it’s you.’

Daniel sat down abruptly to be next to Yoongi.

'I lied’ he said matter-of-factly.
‘What?’
‘I did bottom once. I was very young and it didn’t go so well.’

Yoongi put a hand on Daniel’s shoulder, brushing over.

‘Danny…’ Yoongi whispered.
‘When I was a kid I was left alone a lot’ Daniel started. ‘I was a good kid. I didn’t talk much, I studied and I did nerdy things. At boarding school I just faded into the background, and yet… The teachers loved me but I hung out with the bad kids at night. I think there was always some part of me that I was hiding. I think I’ve always known I was gay, it was never something that I had to consciously realize. I always just gave into it. I had some experiences in boarding school, you know, with the other kids. I was never really in trouble for it, nobody called me out on it or made me feel like it was a bad thing, to be attracted to the other boys. It was just part of what I was hiding.

‘I didn’t get any attention from my family, so I had to get it somewhere else I guess. When I was with them I was left alone. I told you we had these long ass vacations in the summer. The summer I was thirteen I just gave into it even more. I was balls deep in the local neighbour one minute and the next we were sat at the five course dinner with our extended families attending.

‘When I came back to Seoul and started high school it was…I didn’t hang out with the kids from school. I partied a lot, but I wasn’t really known for that. It was like I had two different personalities. I slept around a lot, and if it was with the kids from school, it was secret.

‘They’ve always let me do whatever I wanted, as long as I wasn’t in trouble. The one thing that didn’t match what he wanted, he threw me out over it. He was just embarrassed. He didn’t want to be embarrassed of me, and until then he hadn’t had a reason to be.’

‘Your dad?’ Yoongi asked tentatively, trying to understand.
‘Yeah my dad.'
‘What about your mom?’

Daniel smiled sadly.

‘You know, my mom was 39 when she was pregnant with me. She had always been told she was infertile before, until she met my dad. They met at some convention in Europe, I don’t really know what the occasion was, and she got pregnant. I think the story is that she married him because she always wanted a kid, and since my dad had made it happen... I don’t know. She quit the hospital job in New York and she gave up everything to follow him to Seoul and settle there. I don’t think it was what she had expected it to be. He wasn’t like she had expected him to be. And she was unhappy.’
‘Dan…’
‘It’s stupid.’
‘What is?’
‘To hold onto things like that.’
‘Are you talking about your mom holding onto your dad, or you wanting to hold onto them?’

Daniel looked back at Yoongi, and extended his hand to hold his cheek.

‘I know we haven’t been together that long but I don’t want to imagine my life without you in it. For a long time now I’ve been thinking that family is useless. Until you.’

Yoongi was sort of taken aback by this sudden declaration, especially since it was following that background info Yoongi had always been missing.

Unlike last time, Yoongi was ready for Daniel’s declarations now, so he put his hand on the one Daniel had pressed to his face.

'You do have me’ he said, before leaning in and moving his lips against Daniel’s in a sweet, lingering kiss.
‘You’re my family now. You’re all I need. All I’ll ever need’ Daniel whispered against his face.
‘I love you’ Yoongi added for good measure after throwing his hands around Daniel’s neck.

Daniel didn’t have any further trouble from his coworkers after that day, even though he did learn eventually that some of the partners had been preparing something against him. Leaving had been for the best.

And so the vacation now finds Yoongi kneeling naked on the bed, a buttplug up his ass and a red tint to his cheeks.

Yoongi wants to go through with the cat kink this time, see what Daniel’s reaction will be. The vacation is the perfect time for that.

Obviously, they had loads of sex ever since they got there. Daniel ate him out in the shower after the flight and the train ride, then Daniel made love to him when they woke up jet lagged in the middle of the day. Very tenderly, eyes to eyes kind of shit.

And the day after, and the next, in the veranda with his legs in the air, in the kitchen bent over the marble counter, in the living room with his knees in his face, on the beach after Daniel got out of the water all James Bondish…

They’ve been busy. The cat thing has to top it all.

Yoongi even upgraded the attire since last time, packing all of it in his suitcase very intently. He’s wearing the ears, but also a black band around his neck with a little bell attached to it.

Yoongi is disrupted from his nervous buzzing by the villa’s main doors opening. He hears Daniel call out his name from downstairs.

‘I’m in the bedroom!’ Yoongi calls back, before hesitating, ‘…I have a surprise!’

Yoongi has a sort of nervous twitch, wanting to run to the bathroom to ditch the whole thing and hide himself before Daniel gets here.

But he stays in place.

‘The water was great and—’ Daniel starts as he walks in and cuts himself off as his eyes land on Yoongi.

Yoongi’s breathing picks up, but he keeps position. Daniel’s eyes are wide, and he stares dumbly, dropping the towel he was passing over his hair. Yoongi’s eyes take Daniel in. He put a t-shirt over before making it back here, his swim trunks still wet, some water droplets left over his skin.

‘Yoongi—you…you have…’ he finally manages out, and Yoongi breathes a bit better.
‘Do you like it?’ Yoongi asks bashfully, tilting his head, trying to keep a cheeky persona going on. He has a script in his head for this, he wants everything to be like he imagined.
‘Yes! Yes. Yes…’ Daniel hurriedly answers, and takes a step forward as soon as he regains his motor functions.

‘No…’ Yoongi stops him and Daniel halts abruptly. ‘Baby doesn’t get to touch Kitty yet. Why doesn’t Baby stand right there?’ Yoongi says cutely, signing with his head towards the end of the bed.

Daniel moves swiftly and takes position at the end of the bed, his eyes not leaving Yoongi, barely blinking.

Yoongi moves, lays back on the pillows he placed, almost sat up, and he opens his knees, revealing the fluffy black tail attached to the buttplug inserted up his ass, tucked under him. Yoongi moves it aside so it rests behind him, moving the plug inside and causing him to gasp slightly.

‘Baby can touch himself while he’s looking at Kitty’ Yoongi explains to Daniel, looking back up at him.

Yoongi moves his hands over his own body, trying to look enticing even though he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. But it must be good, since Daniel starts to jerk himself in his swim trunks as soon as Yoongi instructs him to.

At first Daniel was looking at him hungrily, but now he’s just closing his eyes.

Yoongi stops his own ministrations to study Daniel’s reactions. Daniel stops moving his hand completely, and takes a deep breath, his eyes still closed.

Yoongi’s heart sinks in his chest. He closes his knees back up and kneels again, in a more appropriate position.

‘Dan…it’s okay if you don’t like it I…’ he tries, and he knows he sounds sad.

Daniel shakes his head.

‘I’m…I’m trying not to come Yoons’ Daniel says in between his teeth.

Yoongi can’t help the relieved chuckle he lets out. Daniel is breathing heavily and his eyes are shut forcefully, visibly concentrating really hard…
Of course.

‘I was so stupid for being afraid you wouldn’t like it’ Yoongi says in his usual tone, letting go of his character temporarily.
‘Yeah. Really stupid’ Daniel agrees, sounding pained.

Yoongi lies back and opens his legs again, teasing his nipples.

‘It’s okay. Baby can come for Kitty’ he instructs again, and Daniel opens his eyes, and he starts again without question. Yoongi watches curiously, never having seen Daniel jerk himself off before, even less to himself. He watches the way Daniel’s arm flexes every time it moves, listens to Daniel’s soft gasps, catches his eyes as much as he can, sees how much Daniel wants him in them, Yoongi wishing he could see Daniel’s body better. Watching the pleasure on Daniel’s face is starting to get a bit too much, and Yoongi starts pushing down on the plug with his pelvis, just enough to make him moan in tandem with Daniel, deliberately leaving his own hard cock to flop on his abdomen. Daniel’s arm goes faster, and he dips forward to brace himself on the bed with his other arm, his knees starting to get weak.
Yoongi tugs cutely at one of his cat ears.
‘Be good Baby, come for kitty.’

Daniel comes over his hand, pushing his trunks further down, Yoongi finally seeing his cock, hard and red, shooting and dripping. When he’s done Daniel slumps over, half on the bed half kneeling on the floor, body racked with tremors, shaking every now and then, gasping for air.

Yoongi watches all of it in awe, waiting patiently for Daniel to get back to his senses. Once he’s at least done shaking, Yoongi moves, and gets on all fours, looking back over his shoulder.

‘Baby’s been good, so Baby can come closer and play with Kitty’s tail.’

Daniel curses with a cracking voice, but he moves on the bed very swiftly again, eager to finally put his hands on Yoongi, diving down to kiss all over his spine, Yoongi arching his back, his body responding to Daniel’s touch so naturally.

‘Baby has to remove his clothes…’ Yoongi sermons, and he hears Daniel fuss over his shirt and trunks, and when he presses against Yoongi again Yoongi feels his damp skin against his own, the tip of Daniel’s erection against his ass.
Yoongi doesn’t need to instruct more. Daniel grabs the plug and moves it inside Yoongi, so that Yoongi’s bell is ringing, and after a while he pulls it out and replaces it with his tongue, Yoongi trying to stay on all fours, and then Daniel makes the bell ring again as he thrusts deep inside Yoongi, holding onto his hips, tugging at his hair and fluffing his ears.

‘I’m—ah…Kitty’s gonna…’ Yoongi chants, between gasps.
‘Good Kitty, co-ome f-for Baby…’

When he’s done coming, Yoongi sinks down and Daniel lays over him, and they both fall asleep.

Yoongi wakes up to Daniel pulling out of him and sliding next to him on the bed with a huffed out breath.
Yoongi hums in reflex, and changes the side of his face on which he’s laying on so he can look sleepily back at Daniel, who’s already staring at him.

‘You have to get those off if you don’t want me to ravish you again’ Daniel lets out, raising a hand to touch the tip of one of Yoongi’s cat ear.
‘Hmmm’ Yoongi hums again sleepily, eyes closing at Daniel’s hand falling on his shoulder, wandering against his naked back.
‘How did they stay on?’
‘I don’t think I moved a muscle while I slept’ Yoongi chuckles.

Daniel is silent for a while.

‘Thank you Yoongi that was…that was amazing.’
‘Pervert’ Yoongi teases, even if he’s just incredibly fond.

Daniel moves closer to him again, his hand that was wandering on his back coming back to insert itself in the strands of Yoongi’s hair, tugging lightly.

‘Kitty is so good for Baby’ Daniel says in a low voice as he grabs Yoongi’s ass and pulls Yoongi over himself.
'Hmm. I think Baby is hard for Kitty’ Yoongi remarks cheekily, his own cock waking back up in interest as Daniel’s hands roam his back and spread his asscheeks.
‘Baby can’t help it because Kitty is fucking hot—‘ Daniel explains before being cut off by Yoongi’s tongue down his throat, circling sloppily inside his mouth.

They spend some time lazily humping each other until Dan reaches for both their cocks, but Yoongi slides upwards, his ass over Daniel’s crotch as he sits atop the older.

‘Hmm…Baby can go inside again since he’s been so good to Kitty’ he mumbles in a deep, wrecked voice.
‘Fuck…’ Daniel eloquently lets out, leaning backwards to let Yoongi do the rest.

‘Ride me Kitty’ Daniel encourages as Yoongi slides down on Daniel’s cock, Daniel’s hands gripping at his waist and pushing him upwards at every slide.

‘Fucking hell the bell?’ Daniel whines as Yoongi bounces up and down over him. ‘Where did you get all that? Kitty’s so…n—naughty’ he stutters out.
’N-naughty K-k-kitty’ Yoongi agrees between Daniel’s upwards thrusts.

It’s not long after that they’re both lying side by side on the bed again. Yoongi’s cat ears have been discarded, for Daniel’s sanity, as he had said.

‘Dan?’ Yoongi asks, breaking the comfortable silence they were in.
‘Hmmm?’
'I wanted to ask you something.’
‘What is it?’
‘I thought that maybe…you’d like to come with me? On tour?’
‘On the Asian tour?’
‘Yeah. I know it would keep you longer from looking around for your new job, but you’d be with me? You can easily pass for staff if you just linger around. You could share my bedroom. There isn’t much to do when we rehearse and stuff like that, but you could hang around. And when we get back we can move into the house, you wouldn’t have to start without me.’

Their new house, somewhere for the both of them. It isn’t theirs yet, but the paperwork is coming through. Yoongi has the best realtors on it.

‘Yes’ Daniel answers with an amused chuckle.
‘Yes?’ Yoongi asks back, excited, raising his head to look at Daniel.
‘Yes I want to go. And be with you. Wherever you go.’
Yoongi smiles and caresses Daniel’s face, his fingers playing in his hair.
‘I love you’ Yoongi whispers.
‘And I love you’ Daniel whispers back, before pressing a gentle kiss to Yoongi’s forehead.

Yoongi hums, satisfied in more ways than one, and lies his head on Daniel’s chest again, making himself comfortable.

‘Hmmm. Kitty needs to sleep again for a while…’
‘You okay?’ Daniel makes sure as he brushes his hand on Yoongi’s back.
‘Yeah…it’s hard work being a cat.’
‘I bet.’