Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

210 Days before the night in the Last City

After three years sleeping in a ratty old canvas hammock outside in all kinds of weather you’d think Newt would be asleep as soon as he lay down on an actual bed. A real bed with a mattress and duvet and even linen covers on the pillows but no. It’s been at least two hours since the lights went out and he’s still lying here awake. Winston and Fry are snoring away and Minho is curled up like a cat under his blanket. Jack has always been a silent sleeper and Newt can just make out his arm dangling over the bed on the other side of the room and Thomas hasn’t made a sound from his bunk since he got up about an hour ago to wash his face. Newt sighs and rolls over onto his side. Trust him to not be able to sleep when he finally gets his own damn bed. He sighs heavily and curses himself under his breath.

That’s when he hears it. He could have confused it for one of the boys breathing or snoring but… no… someone is… crying? Newt stays silent for a moment trying to tell where it’s coming from but he already knows.

Thomas.

Newt bites his lip. Part of him feels that he should leave Thomas alone but he thinks of the events of the last few days, has it really been less than a week since he was sitting with the newbie at the bonfire? Since then nearly everyone Newt has ever known has died and Thomas held Chuck in his arms as he bled out after being shot by one of their best friends. Newt can’t leave Thomas crying in his bed alone.

Newt crawls over to the ladder and as quietly as he can climbs down to Thomas’s bunk. Thomas is facing the wall away from him but Newt can see by the shake of his shoulders that the younger boy is crying. Something inside of Newt breaks at the thoughts of it. He’s seen Thomas cry before, hell he’s seen Thomas sobbing his heart out before but something about him crying alone silently in the middle of the night when he thinks nobody else can hear him is even more heartbreaking.

“Thomas?”

Thomas stills at the sound of his name. He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand before turning to face Newt. Even in the dimly lit room Newt can see his tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes. “Hey,” breathes Thomas quietly, his voice uncharacteristically small.

Newt isn’t really sure what to say. He hadn’t really thought past coming down the ladder to be perfectly honest.

“Did I wake you?” asks Thomas sitting up, he sniffs as he wipes at his eyes again. Newt has never seen him look so vulnerable and he doesn’t know what possesses him but he climbs into the bed and throws his arms around Thomas pulling him into a hug. Thomas freezes against him but only for a second before he’s hugging him back. Newt isn’t one for hugs but he can’t help but notice how perfectly Thomas’s body seems to mould round his own. As if they were made for one another. As Thomas pulls Newt in closer to his own body Newt feels a strange sense of deja vu as they hold each other. Newt could almost swear they’ve held each other like this before…

He feels Thomas’s face buried in his shoulder and the fabric of his shirt is getting damp, he knows by the shake of Thomas’s shoulders that he’s crying again but he just holds him through it. He’d hold Thomas through anything he thinks.

And they sit there curled up on Thomas’s bed, holding each other. Thomas is crying into Newt’s shoulder and Newt is rubbing a pattern on Thomas’s back with his hands. Time seems to stand still. Newt would sit here holding Thomas until he was old and grey if he thought it would bring even an ounce of comfort to the other boy.

As Thomas’s sobs finally begin to quieten out he sniffs. “Sorry for getting your shirt wet,” he says into Newt’s shoulder. His voice sends vibrations down Newt’s neck and Newt feels himself blush at the feeling.

“It’s okay,” says Newt. He pulls away from the hug and looks at Thomas. God he’s beautiful, even as a tear stained snotty mess he’s beautiful. How can someone who has just been crying for ten minutes look that damn beautiful? Newt bites his lip. Now is not the time to be thinking about his colossal crush. “You think you’ll be able to sleep?”

“Doubt it,” says Thomas lying back down and patting the pillow inviting Newt to lie with him.

Newt hopes Thomas won’t be able to make out his blush in the dark room. “Me neither,” he says lying down beside him.

Newt studies Thomas. He toys with asking him if he wants to talk about why he was crying but he feels Thomas would literally rather talk about anything else. Newt knows there’s times when you need to talk about these things and there’s times when you need to be distracted from them and tonight Thomas needs the latter.“Wanna play a game?” asks Newt. “It might help us sleep.”

They are lying together in Thomas’s bed facing each other and sharing a pillow. Newt’s face is so close to his own that Thomas can smell the toothpaste on his breath. Even in the lowlight of the bedroom Newt’s hair shines golden on his head. Thomas’s sleepy brain thinks it’s almost like a halo. Like an angel. He’s pretty sure Newt is the closest thing to an angel he’ll ever see. Realising that Newt asked him a question and he just lay there staring at him and not answering Thomas bites his lip awkwardly and nods. “Okay, what game?”

“Twenty questions?” suggests Newt. “You’ll be good at this, practically everything that comes out of your mouth is a question. I don’t think I heard you make a statement until your third day in the glade.”

“Do I really ask that many questions?”

“Did you just ask a question about asking questions?”

Thomas simply sticks his tongue out at Newt like a child and Newt thinks it should be impossible for him to look as cute as he does.

“I’ll start,'' says Thomas. “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Yellow,” answers Newt instantly. “What’s yours?”

“Blue,” says Thomas. “Basic I know.”

“Well at least you’re sticking to your brand then,” teases Newt and Thomas gives him a gentle shove.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a rude little shit?”

Newt smirks. “Once or twice,” he admits. “My turn.”

“Hey,” says Thomas. “No it’s not.”

“You just asked me if anyone ever called me rude.”

Thomas scowls at him and it’s even cuter than when he stuck out his tongue. “Go on then,” he says.

Newt has so many things he wants to ask Thomas but he also knows Thomas basically only has less than a week of his life that he remembers so it’s hard to know what to ask him. There’s one question that is burning the tip of his tongue but he doesn’t feel brave enough to ask it yet. He wants to ask what the deal is with Teresa but he feels uncomfortable asking that. If Thomas gives him the answer he doesn’t want to hear then he’ll know his little massive crush he’s developing on Thomas can never go anywhere and he isn’t ready to kill that dream yet. “If I didn’t make you a Runner what job would you have liked in the glade?” asks Newt instead.

Thomas bites his lip as he thinks and Newt’s heart is hammering in his chest. How can he be so fucking cute doing basic ass things? It’s not fair.

“I liked working in the gardens with you,” he says finally.

“Yeah, but you were shit at that.”

“Maybe but it meant I got to spend the day with you.”

“You’d want to work in the gardens just to spend time with me?” Newt can’t believe he’s hearing this. What the hell does that mean?

Thomas smirks. “You just double questioned me. That’s not allowed, Newtie.”

“Fuck you,” says Newt and Thomas laughs quietly into his pillow trying not to wake the others.

“Since you asked an unauthorised question,” teases Thomas, his chestnut eyes mischievous as he winks at Newt. “I don’t have to answer it and it’s my turn again.”

Newt just rolls his eyes. He can’t believe him. Of course he would find a loophole to not answer the most interesting question of them all.

“Were you and Alby a thing?” asks Thomas and Newt is taken aback by the abruptness of it all. Thomas really did just go for it with his questions.

“Yes,” he says. “We ummm we were together for eighteen months. We broke up a couple of weeks before I had my ummm my accident and hurt my leg.” Newt hopes that Thomas’s next question isn’t about how he broke his leg or even worse why he and Alby broke up because he really doesn’t want to get into that right now. How can he even begin to explain to Thomas that Alby broke up with him because he was never able to tell Alby that he loved him? How can he explain to Thomas that he doesn’t even know why he couldn’t tell Alby he loved him? How can he explain to Thomas that those three words seem like the hardest to say in the English language and that he doesn’t even know why? There’s a memory deep inside Newt’s skull that he can’t access that holds the reason why he can’t say those words but he can’t remember it and it haunts Newt daily. He isn’t in love with Alby anymore but he was once but he couldn’t tell him that and Newt fears that he’ll never be able to say those words to anyone.

He expects Thomas to ask him another question but he doesn’t. “I’m sorry,” he says instead. “Alby was a good man.”

“Yeah,” admits Newt. “He was.”

Thomas gives him a soft smile. “Your turn.”

Since Thomas asked about Alby Newt figures it’s free game to ask about Teresa. “What about you and Teresa?”

“She was in my memories when I got some of them back,” says Thomas. “I don’t know what we had before the maze but I think we… I think we might have been more than friends? I’m not sure though. She’s pretty and funny and smart and all but I don’t know how I feel about her. I know I like girls but I… I dunno.”

Newt’s heart sinks at Thomas’s answer. It wasn’t a firm admission that he liked Teresa but it was close enough to one. And he said he likes girls. Of course he does. Newt doesn’t really feel like playing games anymore. This was a stupid idea. He should have just stayed in his own bed…

“Do you like girls?” asks Thomas.

Newt shakes his head no. Why would Thomas ask him if he likes girls when he knows he’d been with Alby? Wasn’t it obvious he therefore liked boys? Then it clicks. Maybe.. Just maybe. There’s another question he can ask. One final question and it will let him know if his stupid little crush can ever go any further. “Do you like boys and girls?”

Thomas smiles. “Yeah, I’m bisexual.”

The small flame of hope continues to flicker in Newt’s heart.

They continue to question each other into the night and when Newt asks Thomas if he prefers cats or dogs and he doesn’t answer he realises Thomas has closed his eyes and seems to have fallen asleep.

As gently as he can without disturbing Thomas he tries to get out of the bed but Thomas’s amber eyes flutter open and meet his own. “Stay?” he asks, barely a whisper. If Newt wasn’t looking directly at him he might have thought he hadn’t spoken at all.

Newt gives him a soft smile. There’s an errant curl sticking up over Thomas’s ear and he brushes it back with his fingers. “Sure.”

Thomas returns the smile before scooting over on the bed to give Newt some more room. The bed really isn’t big enough for two grown men to sleep but neither of them care. Newt finally finds a position that’s comfortable and just as he starts to drift off he feels Thomas’s arm drape around his middle. “Thanks, Newt,” he says softly. “I really needed you tonight and thank you.”

With Thomas’s arm around him, and his breaths tickling his neck, sleep comes to Newt quickly and he sleeps better than he has since waking up in the damn box over three years ago.

***

21 days after that night in the Last City

The Safe Haven

Newt blearily opens his eyes and he’s met with the golden sunlight filtering through his canvas curtains and he groans. He takes his blanket and pulls it over his head. He always hated the sun and that was long before he had heard of solar flares or the scorch. It was far too bright and cheerful and all Newt wanted was to lay in the darkness and never get up again. He reaches across the bed but is only met with a cold mattress. He isn’t used to waking up alone yet.

He sighs and opens his eyes. Under the blanket he looks at his bare arms. There’s no sign of sickness anymore. Not even a scratch. The once black and inky veins that trailed up his arms like spider webs are gone and his skin is milky white.

Newt hates his arms.

He hates that he’s here.

He hates that he’s okay.

Healthy.

Alive.

When Thomas’s side of the bed is cold and vacant.

“Newt?” calls a familiar voice from the doorway.

“Go away,” replies Newt.

“Come on buddy,” says Minho, who is absolutely not going away. Newt hears him walking into the hut. “You gotta get up.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

“Newt,” says Minho again and Newt feels the bed dip as Minho sits down in the corner. “Come on man, I’m… I’m worried about you. How about we go and get something to eat and go for a walk on the beach?”

Newt doesn’t respond. Maybe if he just stays really still Minho will think he’s fallen asleep and he’ll leave him alone…

He feels a hand shake his shoulder.

No such luck then…

“Newt,” says Minho again. “Newt, for me?”

“Go away, Minho,” says Newt. “Please.”

“Come on man,” says Minho again, not taking no for an answer, gripping the blanket and trying to tug it away from Newt’s head. “Fry’s making a big batch of that porridge with the berries that you like and it’s a glorious day. We can go for a walk and you’ll feel better.”

Something bursts inside of Newt and he sits up suddenly in the bed. Minho flinches but Newt doesn’t comment on it. How is a bowl of oats and a stroll on the beach supposed to make him feel better? “What part of fuck off are you not getting Minho?” he yells. “I don’t want to have fucking breakfast, I don’t want to go on a fucking walk and I don’t want to fucking talk to you. Just leave me the fuck alone!”

Minho doesn’t say anything. He just looks at Newt but it’s not a look of anger, it’s not the snarky look he gives before he’ll say something sarcastic. Newt has seen this look before.

It’s the same look he gave him the morning he found him crumbled on the maze floor with a broken leg.

Minho stands and walks towards the door but he pauses at the doorway, his shaking hand clutching the frame. “I miss him too,” he says so quietly Newt almost doesn’t hear him. Minho turns to face him and there’s tears in his eyes. “I lost him as well, Newt… And I… I can’t lose you too.”

Before Newt can say anything he’s gone. He knows he should go after him but he feels anchored to the bed. Minho doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t. But Newt just can’t bring himself to get up. He just can’t.

Instead Newt curls back up in his bed and cries until he falls back asleep.

When Newt wakes up again it’s starting to get dark. He sits up in the bed and doesn’t look over at the empty side. There’s a plate with a sandwich on his bedside table and a glass of water. His stomach lurches at the thoughts of the food but he knows he should eat so he gingerly picks up the sandwich.

He replays the argument he had with Minho in his head over and over. He’s been so wrapped up in his head that he never really even thought about how Minho must be feeling. Minho had spent six months being tortured by WCKD daily and he’s finally rescued by his friends and not fifteen minutes later Thomas is…

Newt puts down his plate, he can’t eat anymore. Newt isn’t sure how long it has been since that night in the Last City. He thinks it’s been about three weeks but he can’t be sure all he knows is he’s spent all the time just lying in this bed and Minho has needed him and he needed Minho and he kept pushing him away.

He swings his legs over the side of the bed and reaches down and pulls on his boots. He needs to find Minho.

The air is cold and Newt wraps his jacket, Thomas's jacket, tightly around him. It smells of musk, smoke and Thomas and Newt can't stop wearing it. It makes him feel closer to him somehow.

He has to find Minho. They're both grieving. He knows that and he can't push Minho away, not now. If Thomas was here he'd fix things. He'd make things better. He'd stop Newt from saying awful things.

But Thomas isn't here.

That's the point.

Everyone is sitting together by the fire and Newt feels overwhelmed by so many people. They are laughing and joking and he just doesn't get it. How could anyone be this carefree? This happy? When Thomas is...

Newt feels his chest constrict and he feels sick. The urge to run back and go to his hut burns through him but he has to find Minho.

Minho is sitting away from the others on his own and Newt's chest tightens again for a different reason. He bites his lip and looks back at his hut before crossing the beach and making his way towards his friend.

Minho doesn't look at him as he sits down beside him.

"Hey," says Newt.

"Hey." Minho is playing with the food in his bowl. "Fry's stew is as good as ever."

"Some things never change."

"Good that."

Minho continues to play with his food and Newt doesn't know what to say. He looks over at the others at some of the younger Immunes running around and playing games. They have their childhood back.

Thomas gave them that.

Thomas gave them everything.

"I should have ran," says Minho suddenly.

"What?"

"That night at the Right Arm. I should have ran. I stayed back and didn't follow you guys. If I'd just ran... if I'd followed you and Thomas I wouldn't have been hit with that launcher and I wouldn't have been captured and you guys never would have spent all those months trying to get me back... You wouldn't have broken into WCKD and Thomas..."

Newt sighs through his nose. "None of this is your fault. None of it and don't bullshit me like that we both know Tommy..." Newt freezes, "we both knew Tommy he... He was always going to take on WCKD. They still had Sonya and Aris and the others and he never would have left them there."

Minho nods and puts down his food. "He would have loved this place," he says.

Newt wraps himself up tighter in Thomas's jacket. His scent is getting weaker and Newt hates it. He thinks there will be a day soon when the coat won't smell like him at all. "Yeah," he says.

Minho looks at him. He opens his mouth to say something but seems to think better of it and says nothing.

"I'm so angry at him," says Newt. "So so angry."

"Newt-

"How could he do that Minho? How? How could he give up everything for me? Why Minho? He... Why would he do that?"

Minho shuffles closer to Newt and wraps an arm around his shoulder. “We both know why.”

“I hate him,” says Newt, his voice breaking. “I really hate him. How could the bastard think… How could he think for one minute that I’d want him to-to give up so I could live? What would make him think I’d want that, Minho? I just… I don’t get it.”

Newt can feel hot tears rolling down his cheeks and he wipes them away with the sleeve of Thomas’s jacket. “And now… Now I’m here. I’m here in fucking paradise except it isn’t paradise because all I want.. I just want… I never needed paradise… I’d have… I’d have followed him anywhere Minho… All I ever wanted… all I ever needed was Tommy.”

Minho pulls him closer. “You loved him.”

“I never even gotta tell him that.”

“He knew.”

Newt thinks back to that night outside the church before they left to save Minho and he sniffs. “I’m not… I’m not sure he did.”

Minho is about to ask what he means when Vince calls for their attention. He’s standing in front of that big ass stone that he got Gally, Fry and some of the other Immunes to drag to the common area in the afternoon.

“I promise my speeches won’t become a nightly occurrence,” he starts and there's a rumble of polite laughter in the crowd. Vince waits until there’s silence again and he looks out over all the survivors, his gaze seems to linger on Newt and Minho and he gives them a rueful smile before continuing. “We have come a long way together. So many have sacrificed so much to make this place possible. Your friends, and your family. So here's to the ones who couldn't be here,” his gaze falls back to Newt and Minho again and the empty space between them that should be filled with Thomas feels colder than ever. Newt looks down at his feet and Vince carries on. “Here's to the friends we lost. This place is for you. It's for all of us. But this,” he gestures to the stone behind him. “This is for them. So in your own time, in your own way, come make your peace. And welcome to the Safe Haven!”

Cheers echo out in the crowd and cups and glasses are raised in celebration. It’s too loud, it’s too cheerful, it’s too fucking much.

“I’m sorry,” breathes Newt as he rushes to his feet bad leg be damned and sprints down the beach.

Minho makes a move to follow him but Jorge puts a gentle yet firm hand on his shoulder. “Let him go, hermano,” he says.

Minho watches Newt’s retreating frame get further and further away and he sighs. Jorge leads him back towards the others but laughing and joking is the last thing on Minho’s mind.

Newt runs until the pain in his leg won’t let him go any further and he collapses on the sand. How is this fair? How is any of this fair? And how is a goddamn rock in the middle of the beach supposed to make him feel better that Thomas is gone?

Newt curls up in on himself and stares out at the sea.

He doesn’t understand how the others can just… move on. How can they? How can he ever move on?

Newt remembers that when he first came up in that box almost four years ago he had a hopeful fire burning within him that they would make it out of the maze someday and he would be able to live a happy life. He remembers how every day he spent there that the flame within him became weaker and weaker until that one day in the maze when he jumped and it fluttered out completely.

Newt never thought he’d get that fire back.

And then a scared little Greenie came up in the box and ran across the glade before face planting in the grass. Newt smiled weakly at the memory.

The fire inside him reignited that day and with every second he spent in Thomas’s company it grew bigger and bigger.

Tommy was his lifebuoy in a turbulent sea.

Tommy was his shining star in a dark sky.

Tommy made him believe that he could have a future.

That they could have a future.

Not anymore.

Tommy was the reason he was still alive.

And Newt was the reason Tommy was dead.

Newt stuffs his hands into the pockets of Thomas’s jacket and his fingers brush against something hard. He pulls out the figure Chuck had made all those months ago in the maze.

Tommy had kept it even after all this time. Of course he had.

Newt’s fingers brush over the carved figure. He wonders for a moment what Tommy would do if he was here and Newt wasn’t and with that thought he sighs and gets to his feet. His leg hurts like a bitch but he has to do this.

It’s dark by the time he gets back to camp and a lot of people have already gone to bed. Two torches burn either side of the remembrance stone and a knife and hammer has been left there for people to carve names. Newt studies the stone.

Chuck

Alby

Winston

Rachel

George

There’s a lot of names he doesn’t recognise but the most important name hasn’t been carved yet.

Newt almost slices his hand off at least three times as he’s carving and he can almost hear Thomas laughing at him.

Almost.

When he’s finished he drops the tools to the sand and looks at the freshly carved name.

Tommy

He traces over the letters with his finger before pressing his forehead to the cold stone.

His breath hitches and he can feel the tears streaming down his face.

He finally says the words that he could never say when Thomas, his beautiful, brave, perfect, idiotic fool Tommy was standing in front of him.

“I love you Tommy.”

***

The WCKD Compound

Teresa stands with Ava and Janson and they are all looking in through the glass at the lab room.

They are all discussing the serum and its potency and other factors but honestly Teresa hasn’t heard a word since they stopped in front of his room.

She doesn’t remember ever seeing him so still. Even when he was asleep he was always twisting and turning or mumbling nonsense words but now…

He’s just lying there.

He was sedated of course. He’s been out since they brought him here. But it doesn’t feel right. None of this feels right.

She looks at the full blood bag that has been drained from him.

They’ve taken too much already.

They keep taking and taking.

They’ve always just… took.

She thinks of her mother and how Thomas’s blood could have saved her.

How Thomas’s blood could save everyone.

But as she looks at his prone form on the small bed in his room.

For the first time since all of this started Teresa doesn’t think it’s worth it.

"Teresa?"

The sound of her name wakes her from her thoughts and she jumps.

Ava gives her a concerned look and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. She goes to say something but Janson cuts over her. "We are going to give its body 48 hours to recover and then we are beginning Phase 2 of extraction."

Its body…

"His name is Thomas," says Teresa.

"Oh she speaks," says Janson, his tone icy. "His name doesn't matter. He's WCKD property."

Teresa hates him. She hates him so much.

"You are treating him like he is some sort of lab rat," says Teresa pulling her cardigan tighter around herself.

"I don't remember you having a problem with our methods when it was Minho," says Janson.

"Enough", says Ava. "Both of you. We cannot waste time arguing. We shall work on the serum with the blood we have and we will work on developing both a cure and a vaccine. We will give Thomas time to recover and we will get our next donation in a week when we begin Phase 2. The boy in there is our last chance at saving humanity and we will treat him with respect."

Teresa feels a sense of victory that Ava berates Janson but it’s a hollow victory. Ava is still happy to drain Thomas after all…

Teresa looks in at Thomas once more in the room. He looks so small in the bed and his skin is impossibly pale. She feels sick.

"I've a headache," she says suddenly. “I’m going to bed.” And she turns away and begins walking down the hallway. She can't look at him anymore. Not like this.

Ava watches her walk away and sighs she turns to Janson. "You have zero tact."

Janson ignores her comment. "What do you mean a week until the next extraction?”

Ava gapes at him. “Thomas has lost a lot of blood he is going to need time to recover before we can take more. Even a week isn’t long enough in my opinion but we cannot waste more time than that.”

“We can’t waste a week just letting it sleep.”

“I understand that you and Thomas never got along but now is not the time to take your sick injustices out on him. If you want us to be able to develop a cure we must treat him with respect and not like an object.”

Janson’s anger boils over. “You cannot be serious.”

“Just let him rest, Janson. Please,” says Ava with a shake of her head. “Now, I’m going to bed. I don't have the energy for this right now,” she states walking away in the opposite direction to Teresa.

The door to Thomas's room opens and a doctor walks out. "Sir, we are finished with the withdrawal from today. The subject is ready to rest now."

"No," says Janson. "Take another half pint."

"But sir-"

"Will taking another half pint kill it?"

The doctor shakes his head. "No but the long term effects of taking so much blo-

"The quality of its life is of no concern to me as long as it will survive the procedure then proceed with another withdrawal," he says and he begins to turn away when he senses the doctor hasn't moved he turns to face him. "That is an order, doctor."

The doctor sighs and hangs his head. "Yes sir."

Chapter Text

207 days before the night in the Last City

It is all his fault.

He feels like everyone’s eyes are on him, blaming him and he needs to get out of here. He gets up quickly and walks away. He is pretty sure Teresa says something to him but he doesn’t hear her. He doesn't even think he could answer her even if he wants to. He feels like his throat is closing up.

His legs are like jelly and he only makes it about 200 metres or so away from the others before his knees give out and he collapses behind a sand dune.

He can’t breathe.

He can’t think.

His head is bursting.

The air feels hot and heavy around him.

His heart is threatening to burst right out of his chest.

He can’t stop shaking. He is on his hands and knees now and he swears this must be what dying feels like.

What the hell is happening to him?

Does he have the flare?

He got it from Winston…

The others didn’t have the gun anymore. What if he turned quickly? Becomes one of those… those things? They wouldn’t be able to protect themselves.

What if he kills his friends?

Correction.

What if he kills more of his friends?

“Thomas.”

He doesn’t look up at the sound of his name. He can’t.

“Thomas… Tommy? Look at me.”

He feels hands on either side of his face lifting his head and making him look up. Newt is kneeling beside him. He wants to tell him to go away, that he has the flare and he’s sick and if Newt stays then Newt will get sick too. Thomas couldn’t bear it if Newt got sick. It becomes even harder still to force air into his protesting lungs.

“Tommy. You’re okay. It’s okay. You’re having a panic attack. I need you to breathe with me. Do you think you can do that?”

Oh, a panic attack. That makes sense although it in no way makes him feel less panicked. His eyes meet Newt’s and he shakes his head no.

Newt gives him a weary smile. “You can, Tommy. I know you can. Just breathe. You’re okay. Just breathe with me.”

Thomas feels Newt’s thumbs stroke the moles on his face. The touch is soothing. He falls back onto his ass and Newt doesn’t let go of him. He’s kneeling in front of Thomas now and still has his hands on either side of his face, the pads of his thumbs stroking a pattern on Thomas’s cheeks.

They breathe together.

Thomas can feel Newt’s hot breath on his nose that’s how close they are but he doesn’t mind. He never minds when Newt is close to him.

He focuses on Newt as they breathe in unison.

He’d be lying if he said he’d never noticed how beautiful Newt is before but now as they are here in the sand and Newt is kneeling in front of him his face mere inches away from his own he can’t help but notice how… pretty he is. His golden hair is fluffy and soft and his skin is bright and clear. There’s a small cut on his cheek and Thomas wants to clean it before it’ll get infected. It looks deep enough that it will leave a scar but Thomas thinks Newt will look cute with a scar and that thought confuses him. Since when did he start thinking of his friends as cute?

Newt says something then but Thomas doesn’t hear it. Instead he looks into Newt’s chocolate brown eyes and he looks worried.

Thomas did that.

Thomas made him worry.

He can feel himself spiralling again. It’s his fault Jack and Winston are dead and it’s his fault Newt is hurt and worried. Hot tears are rolling down Thomas’s cheeks.

Newt grimaces and shhhs him. “It's okay Tommy I got you.”

He continues to cup Thomas's face in his hands and brushes away the tears with his thumbs. Thomas feels a sense of tranquillity he cannot even explain at Newt’s touch. He feels like a child’s party balloon about to fly off in a dizzying burst into the sky but Newt holds him firm and keeps him grounded. Newt will always make sure Thomas doesn’t float away. Thomas was lost but Newt found him.

Newt always finds him.

“We are here Tommy. You got us here. You saved us from the maze and we are on our way to the mountains. We're gonna be okay. You hear me? We're gonna be fine.”

Thomas finally feels the pressure in his chest begin to lift and he blinks fresh tears falling and Newt gives him a soft smile as he rubs them away too.

“Okay?”

Thomas nods weakly; he doesn't trust himself to speak.

Newt smiles at him and he is still stroking his cheeks. Thomas finds himself wishing that Newt never lets him go.

“Thanks Newt…” he says, finally finding his voice. “I don't think that's ever happened to me before.”

“It's okay Tommy. You’re not the first shank I’ve guided through a panic attack.”

Thomas smiles. “Way to make a guy feel special, bud.”

Newt laughs then before he takes his hands away from Thomas’s cheeks and pushes him gently. He leans back against the sand dune and folds his arms. “You’re an idiot.”

Thomas instantly misses Newt’s hands on him and like a moth to a flame he needs to be close to Newt so he leans back too and makes sure their shoulders brush. He feels better when Newt is close.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments. Thomas looks at the way their knees touch and he thinks about how natural it feels to be this close to Newt. It feels familiar somehow and he wonders if before the maze if he and Newt used to sit like this. He thinks they probably did. Thomas sighs. “I’ve no idea what I’m doing, Newt.”

“Well to be fair I’m hardly an oracle of information when it comes to how to escape a maze run by evil scientists and survive a trek through the bloody desert to find mountain people. So I think it’s okay to be a bit shaky on the details, Tommy.”

“I don’t get it, Newt.”

“It’s not too bad, Tommy. We just have to ration the food and water and trek when we can… I know it looks far but-”

“No, not that.”

Newt looks at him. He raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“How was I ever okay with any of this? You didn’t see the bodies back there. They were just… hanging… Being drained. How the fuck was I ever okay with doing that to other people?”

Newt opens his mouth to say something but stops.

“I watched you guys in the maze everyday. Every. Single. Day. I watched as runners were killed by Grievers or some of you were stung and banished and I… I did nothing? How could I have done nothing?”

“Tommy…”

“I know you said that the people we were before the maze don’t matter but…well, it matters to me…”

Newt unfolds his arms and takes Thomas’s hand in his own. “Hey,” he says. “We may never know who we were before the maze and that’s… well it’s not okay but we just gotta deal with it.” Newt doesn’t tell Thomas that his own forgotten memories haunt him because now isn’t the time. Thomas doesn’t need to hear that tonight. “The most important thing is the now. Who we were before all this.. We may never remember those people but we have today and if you can get your sorry ass up and lead us to those damn people in the mountains then maybe we will even have a tomorrow and a day after that and after that and a proper bloody future.”

Thomas looks at their joined hands and runs his thumb over Newt’s knuckles. He likes holding Newt’s hand. It seems to fit perfectly in his own like two pieces of a puzzle. He thinks as long as his future includes Newt it will be okay.

“Do you really think that?” he asks.

“I think I’d follow you anywhere you asked me to, Tommy.”

Adoration swells in Thomas’s heart. He doesn’t think it’s possible to care so deeply for a person you met barely over a week ago. Whatever this thing is he and Newt have it runs deep. He knows it does, it simply must. “Do you think we knew each other before the maze?” he asks softly.

He looks back up at Newt and Newt’s dark eyes are almost black in the lowlight of the scorch and Thomas thinks he’s never seen anyone as beautiful as Newt in that moment. Newt is giving him an intense look but he smiles softly before saying “yes, I do.”

Newt raises his hand and brushes it through Thomas’s hair, loosening the sand that has got trapped there. Thomas practically melts into the touch. He thinks he may actually moan out loud but if he did Newt doesn’t comment. Thomas leans in closer still. “Do you,” he starts. “Do you think we were friends before the maze?”

Newt swallows and the bobbing of his Adam’s apple does something to Thomas that he can’t understand. Thomas swears thousands of butterflies are fluttering in his stomach.

“I do,” says Newt.

Thomas’s gaze falls to Newt’s lips as he speaks and he finds himself wondering what it would be like to kiss them. His eyes flicker back up to Newt’s. He shuffles closer to him still and he swears he sees Newt look at his own lips and he wonders if Newt is thinking about kissing him too. They are so close breathing in one another’s air it would be so simple for Thomas to close the distance between them and-

“Thomas?”

They jump apart so violently they clash heads.

Shit.

They both lean back heavily and rub their foreheads as Teresa rounds the sand dune and cocks her head curiously at them. “Oh, there you are,” she says.”Are you two okay?”

Newt flushes pink. “Never better,” he says quickly getting to his feet. He doesn’t turn back to look at Thomas and if Thomas felt like a flyaway balloon before he feels like a deflated one now.

“I’m going to bed,” says Newt as he storms around the sand dune and pushes past Teresa on his way causing her to stumble.

Thomas watches him go dumbly. What the hell just happened between them? If Teresa hadn't interrupted them… Would they… would they have?

“What’s his problem?” asks Teresa looking at Thomas.

Thomas just sighs and shakes his head and stands up. “I’m going to bed too,” he says. Not answering her question. She gives him a confused look and he puts a gentle hand on her shoulder as he passes her. “Goodnight, Teresa.”

Teresa watches him as he walks back towards the others and she sighs.

***

28 Days after the night in the Last City

The Safe Haven

They say time flies but Newt feels paralysed by it. Each day bleeds into the next and he misses Thomas more and more every time the sun rises. He didn’t think it was possible to miss someone this much but it is. Part of him is gone, the most important part and he’s never getting him back.

Ever since that night that he wrote Thomas’s name on the memorial stone he’s tried to keep up appearances. He gets up in the mornings and he goes for breakfast and he does his daily chores in the gardens then he sits with Minho at dinner and he pretends to listen to the idle chatter around the table fake laughing when he has to and nodding when he thinks he should but it’s all on autopilot. If you sat him down at night time and asked him to list off five things that happened that day he doubts he could name you one.

Actually, scratch that. He can name one. Thomas is still dead.

“Hey, man,” says a voice that wakes him from his thoughts and he jumps.

“Shit,” says Gally. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” He places a glass of water down in front of Newt. “I just thought you could use a drink.”

Newt nods. “Thanks Gal,” he says.

Newt can see Gally studying him out of the corner of his eye as he downs the water. Gally doesn’t mention Thomas. He hasn’t since that night and there’s an unspoken tension there. Newt knows Gally feels at least in some way responsible for what happened but he doesn’t know how the boy can blame himself. The only one to blame for Thomas’s death is Newt. Gally is innocent.

“The huts are coming along well,” says Newt after he finishes his water.

“Hmmm?” says Gally, taken aback by Newt’s comment before smiling. “Yeah, I guess. Turns out these Munie kids are half decent with a hammer in their hands who’d have known?”

Newt returns his smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He goes back to his gardening and planting vegetable seeds but Gally doesn’t walk away like he both expected and hoped he would.

“Newt?”

Newt feigns interest in the vegetable seeds but nods to let Gally know he’s heard him. He really isn’t in the mood for small talk; he just wants to be left alone.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” he says awkwardly. “I ummm I was just wondering… I mean I wanted to know if-”

“Just spit it out, Gal.”

“I was wondering if you got your memories back.”

Newt drops his tools and looks up at him. “What?”

“After I was stung and Laurence’s men gave me some serum I got some memories back. Not a lot but… some. And I know Alby got his memories back too before he died and… Thomas did as well. None of us got all our memories back but maybe that was because we were all immune and given a weak serum but… But you aren’t… well, you aren’t immune I mean and you got the real cure so I was wondering…”

“Right,” says Newt tonelessly.

“So ummm have you?”

Newt doesn’t answer.

“Sorry, Newt,” says Gally. “I shouldn’t have asked I-”

“Yes,” says Newt finally. “I’ve got my memories back.”

Gally nods. He waits for Newt to say something else but when he realises he isn’t going to he doesn’t really seem to know what to say. “Good that,” he says finally.

“Yeah,” says Newt, he toys with the gardening tools in his hands but any want to continue working has left him.

“I’ll leave you to your veggies then,” says Gally as he takes Newt’s empty glass.

Newt just nods as Gally walks away.

Newt allows himself to fall back down on his ass and buries his head between his knees and sighs.

He remembers everything.

Everything.

He remembers his mother and that WCKD shot her. He remembers the day he was brought in and how Ava Paige made it seem like it would be an adventure and never once mentioned his mum.

He remembers meeting Minho and Fry and Alby on the first day and that they shared a dorm room. He remembers going to classes and playing with his friends.

He remembers being told he’s different from the other boys because he isn’t immune. He remembers being very scared by this.

He remembers exploring the WCKD compound with Minho and Alby and he remembers the night they found Thomas and Teresa.

He remembers sneaking out of his room every night for years to meet Thomas. He remembers skipping through the halls holding Thomas’s hand.

He remembers lying in Thomas’s bed and talking.

He remembers telling Thomas that he likes boys. He remembers Thomas telling him that he likes girls but that he likes boys too and he remembers how happy that made him.

He remembers on one of his birthdays that Thomas made him a singular cupcake and wrote him a card and signed his name Tommy x and he remembers tracing that x in bed that night.

He remembers lying in Thomas’s bed and he remembers that Thomas kissed him. Both of their first kisses and he remembers thinking it was perfect.

He remembers Thomas asking him to be his boyfriend and he remembers saying yes.

He remembers Thomas telling him he loves him and he remembers saying it back.

He remembers it all.

And he remembers how it was all a masterpiece.

And he remembers how it was all torn apart.

Newt runs his hand through his hair and abandons his tools on the ground. He needs to get out of here. He ignores the other islanders calling after him and he makes a run for his hut. He stops to throw up his breakfast and the water Gally had given him on the way. His stomach is doing twists at the memories.

He finally makes it back to his hut and he throws himself down on his bed and cries.

He had spent years wishing he had his memories back and now that he does. He wants nothing more than to forget them again.

***

The WCKD Compound

The first thing Thomas feels as he wakes up is pain. His head is pounding and his stomach is sick. He groans and his throat feels raw and sore. It was like waking up after the drugged drink at Marcus's party and the Griever stinger multiplied by 1000.

"Tom?" asks a voice to his side. There's only one person who calls him Tom.

Thomas blearily opens his eyes and is met with intense bright overhead lights, his headache worsens and the sick feeling in his stomach intensifies. He groans again and tries to move but finds he can't. He can't move. The sick feeling is overcome by another one. Fear. He tries to move again but he can't.

"Hey," says Teresa. "Tom just calm down. I'll turn the lights down. Hold on."

He hears Teresa run across the room and tap something on the wall and when he tries to open his eyes again the room is still too bright but it's far more manageable this time.

He looks around the room tiredly. It seems to take all his strength just to turn his head and he can't help but groan again. He can see now that he is strapped to a bed. There's shackles around his wrists, ankles, waist and chest and even in his pained state Thomas feels it's a bit excessive. He doubts he could stand up even if he was untethered.

"How are you feeling?"

"Shit," the croakiness of his own voice surprises him. How long has he been out?

Teresa reaches behind him and comes back with a glass of water and a straw. "Here," her voice is soft as she guides the straw to his lips. "Small sips. You've been out for a while."

The tepid water is heavenly and Thomas savours it. When he has had his fill he lets his head drop back on the pillow. "How long?"

"Almost a month," she says. "Janson insisted on having you sedated but we need to wean you off it for the next extraction. We need to have you conscious."

Thomas isn't sure what to say to that. A million questions burn in his mind but he asks the most important one. "Newt," he says and grimaces as a dart of pain goes through his head. "Is he okay?"

"The city was attacked that night," she says. "I'm sorry Tom but I don't know if he and Minho got out or not."

Thomas furrows his brow. "What do you mean attacked?"

"Rebels broke into the city. They bombed some buildings and completely took out the WCKD headquarters. Only Ava, Janson, us and a few scientists and doctors got out. There's only a handful of us here."

"Where's… here?"

"We are back at the compound WCKD took us to when we got out of the maze."

Thomas feels exhausted and the sick feeling isn’t getting any better. His head hurts a lot and even though he’s lying down he feels incredibly dizzy and light headed. “Do you think… do you think they got out in time?”

Teresa really doesn’t know. She thinks back to how weak Newt was that night and Minho was just coming to after being sedated. Honestly, their chances were slim and Teresa doubted it but… as she looks at the pale and broken boy on the bed beneath her. The boy who gave up everything to give the people he loved even half a chance to escape she can’t bear to tell him what she really thinks. “They got a good head start before the bombings began,” says Teresa. “I think they probably did, I mean… I definitely think they did.”

Thomas feels a wave of peace wash over him. “As long as-as Newt’s safe,” he says weakly. He feels like he’s going to throw up the water if he says anymore so he just closes his eyes.

Teresa is worried. She expected Thomas to be a bit woozy coming out of the sedation but he shouldn’t be like this. It was a week since the last blood donation so his body should have recovered considerably. “Hey,” she says, shaking his shoulder gently. “Stay with me okay? Tell me what’s wrong?”

“Feeling sick,” he says vaguely. “My head is pounding, everything is spinning and I think I might throw up.”

He shouldn’t be feeling like this. Unless…

Teresa looks at the restraint holding his left wrist and before she can think better of it she loosens it so she can pull up his sleeve.

The needle marks from the blood withdrawal are recent. Too recent. Someone’s been taking blood from Thomas when he should be resting.

They’re taking too much and with the next round of trials about to begin…

Suddenly she feels like she might be the one who throws up. She holds his forearm in her hand and looks at him. She could free him. Take off all the restraints and they could go. They could leave. She could take him to the hangar and they could take a car or a jeep or hell, even a damn berg and she could get him away from here. The chances of the two of them making it in the scorch though are almost zero. She’s going to need help to get Thomas out of here…

She looks at his face and he’s opened his eyes again and he’s staring at her. She always loved his eyes. She could never understand how eyes so dark could be so bright.

“Thank you,” he says.

“Why?”

He gives her a weak smile. “Newt,” he says. “You saved him… I could… I’d never have been able to live with myself if he died of the flare and I could have saved him the whole time.”

“Tom,” she says. She looks down at her hands and only now realises she’s still holding his arm.

“I understand why you did it now,” he says. “I don’t forgive you… not yet. I’m not there yet but I-I get it, I think. When I found out Newt was sick… I’d have done anything to make sure he was okay. Anything. I’d have burned that damn city to the ground myself just to get one more day with him so I get it. I get it now.”

“You love him,” it isn’t a question.

Thomas smiles for the first time since he woke up. “Yeah, I really do.”

Before Teresa can say anything else the door to the lab opens and Janson walks in. “Oh, it awakens. Good. Ava and I were talking and we are going to begin phase 2 tonight.”

“What?” asks Teresa. “No, you can’t do that. Look at him. He isn’t ready.”

“It has had over a week of rest, Teresa.”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

Janson smirks at her. “You know what Teresa, you look tired. Take the day off. The rest of the team can look after the subject.”

Teresa doesn’t move.

“That wasn’t a suggestion, Teresa.” Janson puts his hands on his hips and his fingers brush the handgun in his holster. He was never subtle when it came to threats. “Go,” he says.

Teresa looks at Thomas and he gives her a confused look. “I’m sorry,” she says, squeezing his arm once more before standing up and leaving the room.

Her mind is made up. She’s getting Thomas out of here somehow but first she has to figure out a way to contact the others.

As she makes her way down the dark hall she notices the door to the comms room is open and she hears Ava’s voice from within. She peaks in and watches as the older lady records a message about WCKD finally uncovering the cure and that it will be distributed amongst the masses as soon as possible.

However, Teresa isn’t really listening to her and her attention is fully on the radio and she wonders if it will be able to carry a message across the ocean…

Chapter Text

203 days before the night in The Last City

Thomas is nowhere to be found. The shank has a tendency to run off places, it’s in his nature but it doesn’t mean Newt won’t worry about him. He’s asked some of the survivors but nobody has seen him for at least a half an hour and Newt curses him. Trust the dumb shank to run off at a time like this…

Newt tries not to think about how he was the one who ran off the other night…

He hasn’t talked to Thomas about their moment behind the sand dune before Teresa interrupted them. He purposely chose to sleep beside Aris that night and the following morning when they were travelling again he hung back and walked with Fry. He did the same the next night and well then they met Jorge and Brenda and got separated from Thomas…

Newt also tries not to think about finding Thomas unconscious in that alleyway or the way his whole world seemed to crumble when he wouldn’t wake up.

Newt definitely doesn’t think about how it was Teresa who got to sit with Thomas when he was unconscious and how she got to run her hand through his hair and whisper sweet nothings into his ear until he woke up.

And Newt definitely doesn’t think about the fact that he wanted to be the one to hold Thomas.

Definitely not.

Then they reached the Right Arm and well everything turned to shit. Teresa betrayed them, dozens of the Right Arm are dead, over half of the Immunes were taken and Minho is gone.

And now the cherry on top of the cake, Thomas is awol. Of course he is. He could really do without stressing over Thomas after everything but when isn’t he stressing over Thomas? The idiot has been a pain in the arse since he came up in that box. Was that really only about three weeks ago? Seems impossible.

Thomas has slot himself into Newt’s life so seamlessly Newt barely even noticed it happening. Newt hasn’t even known Thomas a month, yet he feels like he’s known him his whole life.

And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

He is debating whether to sweep the med tent again when Jorge stands beside him and nudges his shoulder. “Look up hermano,” he says.

Newt follows the older man’s gaze and sure enough there’s Thomas sitting on the cliff kicking his feet over the edge. He’s staring off out of camp towards the horizon where the berg had disappeared the night before.

Newt hesitates. He’s torn on whether he should leave Thomas alone or go up to him. Thomas and Minho were close and he knows that Thomas blames himself for him being taken.

“I think he could use a friend,” says Jorge, seemingly sensing Newt’s indecision.

“I-

“Go to him,” says Jorge. “We’ll be okay. I can feel his dark mood from here, kid. And I think he may need to talk.”

Newt nods. “Thanks Jorge,” he says.

Jorge gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before he goes back to help with the clean up.

It takes Newt longer than he’d like to admit to hike up the cliff and get to Thomas. His bad leg protesting after a day cleaning up the mess that WCKD made. If Thomas hears him coming up the cliff he doesn’t let on.

Newt plonks himself down beside him with a sigh. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” says Thomas. It’s only now that Newt realises he’s crying.

Newt wants to ask him if he’s okay but he obviously isn’t. “It’s not your fault,” he says instead.

“Sure fucking feels like it,” says Thomas with a sniff. He looks back towards the camp at the line of bodies under white sheets. Most of them are kids. Newt doesn’t know what to say. What is there to say? Thomas’s hand is lying flat beside his own and Newt has an urge to wrap his pinky around Thomas’s just to remind him he’s here.

“I should have died that first night in the maze.”

The admission makes Newt jump and he nearly falls off the cliff. “Don’t you ever dare say that.”

Thomas scoffs. “It’s true though,” he says, folding his arms and Newt instantly misses his hand being so close to his own. “Think about it, Newt. If I’d just let that griever get me that night. Everyone would still be alive.”

“You’re deluded.”

“I’m right,” he argues back. “Newt, if I’d let that griever get me, Alby and Minho would have still got out of the maze and Teresa still would have come up with the serum for Alby and then because I didn’t kill the griever we wouldn’t have got the key and we wouldn’t have disturbed the maze and the grievers wouldn’t have attacked us. Alby would still be alive. You guys wouldn’t have left the maze and Chuck… Chuck would still be alive. Jack wouldn’t have died in the mall, Winston never would have been attacked by a crank. Brenda wouldn’t have been bitten. Mary wouldn’t have been shot. Minho never would have been taken either or Sonya or Aris or all the other kids WCKD bundled into that damn berg and… and everyone lying under sheets down there… They’d still be alive. Everything would be better if I’d died. You know it’s true.”

“Tommy,” says Newt so softly he doubts the other boy even heard him. He places his hand on Thomas’s forearm. “You got us out, Tommy. After three years stuck in that prison you got us out.”

Thomas shakes his head. A fresh tear trickles down his cheek and Newt wants to wipe it away.

“You heard Mary and Vince,” he says. “I’d given them the locations of all the mazes and they were breaking into them one by one. You guys were a few weeks away from being rescued. All of you being rescued but I fucked it up. I fucked up so bad, Newt. Look… Look at us… There were like fifty kids in the glade when I came up in that damn box and now? Now’s there’s only fucking three of us. Everyone would still be here if I’d just died.”

Newt blinks. They’re both crying now. Newt lets go of Thomas’s arm and reaches for his hand instead and holds it in his own. When Thomas makes no move to pull away he intertwines their fingers. “But you wouldn’t be here.”

Thomas looks at him. He’s been so strong through it all. Through everything. It would be easy to forget he was still just a kid thrown into a dangerous world. Thomas took everything in his stride, he rolled with the punches and never backed down but the crying boy who sat beside him now wasn’t a soldier, he wasn’t a warrior, he was just a scared kid. This wasn’t like the grief after Chuck died or the panic attack the other night. The boy beside him has truly given up and Newt can’t allow that. He won’t.

“If I died but everyone else made it then… that would have been worth it,” says Thomas.

“Not to me,” says Newt.

Thomas’s amber eyes meet Newt’s again. The setting sun casts a warm glow over Thomas’s face and he looks beautiful. He always looks beautiful, thinks Newt but he looks especially beautiful right now. Another tear falls down his cheek and this time Newt does reach up to brush it away with the pad of his thumb.

“Newt,” says Thomas softly.

There’s so many things Newt wants to say to Thomas, so many things he wants to tell him, he wants to tell him that he believes in him, that he knows Thomas will get them out of this, that they will find Minho and the others, that they will find a place they can all call home. That they will all be okay. He wants Thomas to know that he trusts him, that he cares about him, that he values him. That he matters. That in the very short time of his life that he remembers nobody has ever mattered to Newt like Thomas does.

Newt doesn’t know how to tell Thomas this.

But…

Newt has a theory. He believes actions speak louder than words.

With a newfound bravery he didn’t even know he had in him, he tests his theory.

His hand reaches up and he pulls Thomas towards him and he crashes their lips together. He kisses him hard and he hopes that everything he wants to say but can’t is said in the kiss. He feels Thomas freeze against him and he thinks he’s made a terrible mistake. He’s about to pull back when he feels Thomas start to kiss him back. Thomas keeps holding Newt’s hand and pulls him in closer to him. Their position is a little awkward but Newt doesn’t care. He’s kissing Thomas and Thomas is kissing him back. His lips are chapped yet soft, he tastes sweet because of course he does, he is Tommy after all, how could he not? Time seems to slow down and speed up all at once. They could have been kissing for twenty seconds or twenty years and Newt wouldn’t have had a clue all he knew that he could never spend long enough kissing him.

They finally break apart for air and Thomas rests his forehead against Newt’s. “That was… wow,” he admits.

Newt’s heart sings at his words. “Ever the eloquent one, Tommy,” he teases.

“I think there’s a part of me that has wanted us to do that since my first night in the Glade.”

Newt brushes Thomas’s hair back behind his ear. “Really?

“Really, maybe if I’d had a few more sips of Gally’s brew I’d have been brave enough.”

That's when Newt pulls him close and wraps his arms around Thomas’s neck and kisses him again. Thomas’s hands find Newt’s hips and Newt feels like he’s been struck by lightning. Thomas’s touch is electric. Thomas is his drug and Newt is addicted after one hit. There’s no saving him, he’s a lost cause and when Thomas deepens the kiss and their tongues dance Newt thinks he may just explode. This is what people wrote books about, made films about and sang songs about. This feeling. This sensation of another mouth in perfect harmony with your own. This wasn’t Newt’s first kiss but it was the first time he’d been kissed. Properly kissed. Kissed by someone who mattered, kissed by someone who made him feel like he mattered. It felt familiar somehow yet completely foreign to him but all he knew was he wanted more.

When they finally break apart they just sit there leaning against each other. Newt takes both of Thomas’s hands in his own and traces his knuckles with his thumbs. “Tommy?” he says.

“Mmm?” Thomas is looking at their hands.

“None of this is your fault, okay? None of it. All of this is on WCKD. The only people with blood on their hands are them. Not you, never you.”

“But-

“No if buts or maybes Tommy, just facts. You’re Thomas. You’re the boy who turned his back on WCKD and risked everything to save his friends. You got us out and you’re going to get Minho back. We both are. I’m here with you ‘til the end of the line Tommy. I’m not going anywhere.”

Thomas smiles. He gives Newt a soft closed mouthed kiss that somehow lights a bigger fire within Newt than the deep heated one from moments ago. “Well then I guess I’m not going anywhere either,” he declares.

“Good that.”

His forehead touches Newt’s and his deep brown eyes seem to peer into Newt’s very soul. Newt thinks he could write a book about Thomas’s eyes and still not do their beauty justice. “I could never leave you, Newt,” he says.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

**

33 days after the night in the Last City

The Safe Haven

After the conversation about his memories with Gally, Newt feels even more lost. He is trying. He really is. He goes for a walk with Minho in the mornings and he helps Fry clean up after breakfast. The garden is coming along well and his carrots and potatoes are growing nicely but he really couldn’t give a shit about any of it. The wheel keeps turning but nothing changes. Every day the sun rises and every day Thomas is still dead.

He can’t sleep much anymore. Minho thinks he’s having nightmares but it’s the opposite really. He dreams of Thomas. He dreams of holding his hand on the beach and laughing in the sun. He dreams of decorating their hut together with trinkets and treasures that scream them. He dreams of eating dinner with him. He dreams of kissing him or holding him or being intimate with him. He dreams of Thomas saying his name.

Then he wakes up and Thomas isn’t there.

No, it’s not nightmares that are preventing Newt from being able to sleep. Newt isn’t sleeping because when he wakes up alone in bed that’s the nightmare because Thomas isn’t here.

Thomas only lives in Newt’s dreams and he can’t bear to go there.

So he keeps busy. He works all day and stays out at night because it’s easier for him to be doing something than lying in bed because when he’s lying in that damn bed he’s reminded that Thomas is gone.

He’s never going to fall asleep pressed against Thomas’s back smelling his hair. He’s never going to wake up in the middle of the night with Thomas’s head resting on his shoulder, their legs tangled together and twisted beneath the sheets. He’s never going to wake up to Thomas smiling back at him. His cinnamon eyes staring back brightly at him and sweet kisses easing him into the morning.

He goes to sleep alone, dreams of being truly happy but then the only thing that greets him in the morning is a cold empty space in the mattress beside him.

So he doesn’t sleep.

“Brenda and Vince should be back with the others today,” says Minho sitting down on the grass beside him and taking a bite out of a chunk of bread.

“What?” says Newt.

Minho gives him a sorrowful look and sighs. “They went to the mainland, remember? A scouting mission.”

“Oh yeah,” says Newt. He vaguely remembers a meeting a couple of nights ago when they decided on monthly visits to the mainland to search for medical supplies, grain, livestock and anything else they felt the island was missing.

“Are you okay?”

Honestly Newt was getting sick of that question. “I’m fine, Minho.”

Minho brushes off the bread crumbs from his shorts and goes back to pulling weeds but he doesn’t drop the conversation. “You know you can talk about him if you want.”

Newt feels his heart race. “Minho please drop it.”

“I’m just saying tha-”

“And I’m just saying that I’m fine,” snaps Newt loud enough that some of the others look up from what they were doing. Newt tenses at the eyes on him but continues in a whisper. “I don’t want to talk about how I’m feeling and I don’t… I don’t want to talk about him.”

Minho looks at him. “He’d want you to be happy you know.”

Newt sees red and he throws his tools to the ground and stands. “Yeah, well he should have thought about that before he went and let himself get killed.”

Minho calls after him but he ignores him. He storms back to his hut and just screams. It’s all too much and he’s so sad and so bitter and so goddamn angry. He yells and he throws his bag to the floor and he knocks over his canteen on his table and he punches the wall and kicks his bed and he screams. He screams so loud. He just keeps screaming. He wants to tear this whole damn island down. What is the fucking point of being here? What’s the point in being alive?

Thomas’s sacrifice didn’t save Newt’s life. It cursed it.

Newt falls down onto his knees and wails.

Someone charges into the hut and slides down on the floor beside him pulling him into a tight hug and Newt just cries into their warmth.

“It’s okay,” says Minho softly.

“No it’s not,” sobs Newt. “It’s not… It’s not okay. Thomas is dead. He promised that he’d never leave me. He promised.”

Knowing there are no possible words he can say to his friend to lessen the pain, Minho just holds him.

**

“The two of us were friends before the maze,” says Newt after he’s calmed down. He and Minho have been sitting on the floor side by side of his hut leaning against one of the walls for almost a half an hour now.

Minho wraps his arm tighter around Newt. “I’m not surprised,” he says. “I’m practically perfect in every way. Who wouldn’t wanna be friends with me?”

Newt scoffs and wipes his eyes. “It must be your modest nature that attracted me to you.”

Minho laughs. “That and my boyish good looks.”

“That too.”

There’s a beat. “So what else do you remember?”

“We shared a dorm room,” says Newt. “You, me, Fry and Alby.”

“I willingly shared a room with Frypan and his snoring?”

“It was even worse back then,” says Newt.

“Impossible.”

“Possible,” says Newt. “He kept us up most nights, so you, Alby and I used to just go for walks.”

“For the sake of the island we must make sure Fry stays in a hammock on his own then. None of us will get a wink of sleep if that boy’s snores get any worse. He sounds like a cow.”

“Minho.”

“A cow giving birth.”

Newt laughs then. Really laughs and Minho swears it is the first time he’s heard him laugh since they were reunited at WCKD just before everything went to shit.

Minho promised Thomas that he’d take care of Newt and so far he’s been doing a pretty shit job of that. He knows Newt is struggling. Really struggling. The broken look in his eyes is the same look he had that morning he found him crumpled on the maze floor. Minho has never been great at comforting people but he loves his friends. He loves them so damn much. It’s destroying him every day knowing that Newt is suffering and Thomas is dead and that it’s all his fault but his pain doesn’t matter. Not compared to Newt’s so he’ll keep his promise to Thomas and he’ll look after Newt because it’s the least he can do.

Thomas couldn’t keep his promise to Newt but Minho sure as hell won’t break the promise he made to Thomas.

“What about Thomas?” asks Minho innocently. “Were we friends with him too?”

Before Newt can say anything, the boys hear thudding footsteps bounding up to the hut. “Guys,” yells Gally. “Guys! Brenda is back and she says she ha-” Gally stops talking as he takes in the mess of Newt’s hut but one look at the boys huddled on the floor stops him from asking any questions about it. “Ummmm Brenda and the others are back and they’ve news from the mainland. We’re having a gathering. Everyone has to go.”

Minho moves to stand but Newt stays seated. Despite Minho cheering him up a bit he’s in no mood to sit through a gathering with everyone on the island. “I better start cleaning this shit up,” he says. “I’ll pass on the gathering.”

Gally gives him a strange look. “Brenda said that you have to be there. Whatever it is, you have to hear it.”

Newt opens his mouth to protest but Minho grabs his arm and pulls him along. “We both know there’s no point in going against Brenda.”

Newt sighs. "Fine."

Ten minutes later the whole island is sitting in the common area and Vince and Brenda are standing in the middle talking amongst themselves and setting up the radio for some reason. Newt is getting a bit impatient and he feels everyone is watching him. He didn't get a chance to clean himself up before leaving his hut and he knows it's obvious that he has been crying. He feels awkward and silly and anxious and he just wants to go back to his hut and pretend he doesn't exist until at least tomorrow.

"They look kinda excited," says Fry. "Whatever they found it must be good."

"There wasn't much to unpack so I'm not sure," says Gally.

"Well if they don't tell us in about 30 seconds I'm going back to my hut and you can tell later," grumbles Newt.

Minho cuts him a look but says nothing.

"Good evening everyone," begins Vince. "As I'm sure you all know myself, Brenda and a couple of other volunteers were on a scouting mission for the past few days. We managed to bring back some fresh medical supplies, tools and plumbing equipment and overall the trip was a great success. However we did not call this gathering to go into the details of our haul." Vince nods at Brenda to prompt her to continue with the news.

"We were talking to a group of survivors and we offered them to come back with us. We told them we had a supply of the serum and that our community were all immune to the virus and that they would be safe but they turned us down."

"Why the hell would they do that?" asks Harriet.

Brenda smiles. "I asked them the same question. They told us that an announcement had gone out over the radio the day before. It was from WCKD."

The island instantly erupts in a cacophony of sound.

"That's impossible!"

"No way!"

"That place burned to the ground"

"They're all dead."

It takes Vince a few moments to calm the crowd down. "Come on guys let us finish," he says loudly.

Everyone eventually quietens down and Vince nods his approval and Brenda carries on. "As I was saying," she says. "They said there was an announcement from WCKD the day before. The announcement was from… it was from Ava Paige."

Newt freezes. That's impossible. It cannot be. It must have been an old recording. It had to be…

“The announcement is on a loop so instead of explaining it to you we are just going to let you listen to it,” says Vince as he fiddles with the radio and the voice of a woman they all believed to be dead echoes through the beach.

“My name is Ava Paige and I’m the chancellor of WCKD. As many of you know our main headquarters was blown up a couple of weeks ago and many of our loyal and dedicated workers were killed. However, myself and a few members of my team were able to escape unscathed from the attack and we were also able to keep the cure to the flare secure. Yes, you heard me correctly. We have found a cure to the flare. Three known people infected by the flare have now been treated with the new serum and have fully recovered. We are currently in the development process to try and manufacture as much of the cure as possible. Our supplies at the moment are very limited but we are working tirelessly to ensure that the cure will get out there and be available to all of you. We will use this frequency to issue any updates but please know help is coming. Hope is coming. WCKD is good.”

Newt thinks he's going to be sick. The world seems to both stop around him and be going too fast at the same time. There's a ringing in his ears and he can't remember how to breathe. WCKD is still out there… Ava Paige is still out there… They have developed a cure… That means… That means…

Tommy is alive.

**

The WCKD Compound

He wakes up in the back of Bertha. Jorge is speeding along the city streets and is in deep conversation with Brenda in the passenger’s seat. Thomas blinks. He doesn’t remember getting in the car but he’s been feeling so off lately that it’s possible he could have blacked out for a while… He tries to think back to the last thing he can remember but his mind is drawing a blank.

“What's going on? Where… Where are we going?” he asks but neither of them answer him. They don’t even seem to have heard him. “Guys?”

No response.

Nobody else is in the car. No Fry. No Minho. No Newt…

“Where are the others?”

No response.

Thomas can feel his patience fading away. “Will you guys fucking answer me? What the hell-”

Jorge suddenly slams on the breaks and Thomas is hurled forward and cracks his jaw against Jorge’s headrest. He bites the inside of his cheek and groans. He spits blood onto the floor of the car and looks up. “What the fuck?”

Neither Jorge nor Brenda say anything but he isn’t surprised.

They are both staring at something or rather someone. Thomas furrows his brow and follows their gaze.

About twenty feet in front of them is Newt.

Thomas feels his heart sing at the sight of him and he jumps from the car. “Newt!”

Thomas races towards him; he's almost close enough that he can pull the other boy towards him and envelope him in a hug. “Newt!” he yells again and Newt turns to face him at the sound of his name.

That’s when Thomas realises something is wrong.

It’s Newt alright. But it isn’t his Newt.

His chocolate eyes are black and bloodshot. His skin is so pale it's practically translucent and the dark veins on his neck and arms stand out black like spiderwebs covering his skin like a terrifying tattoo. Black blood thick like molasses drips down his chin.

Thomas freezes in front of him. “Newt?”

Newt snarls like a wild animal and pounces. Thomas barely manages to dodge out of the way and Newt is pouncing again and again. Thomas’s heart is pounding.This can't be happening. It can't. Newt jumps at him again and crashes into him. They both tumble to the ground and Thomas hits his head hard off the tarmac.

Newt is hitting him. He is hitting him again and again. His fists connect with his chest, his shoulders, his neck and his face. Over and over.

He’s scrambling to grab Newt’s arms to stop him but Newt is stronger. Newt adjusts his position on top of him forcing him even harder into the ground and pins Thomas’s arms down with his knees.

Thomas can’t move.

“Newt!” he yells. “Newt… Newt please… It’s me! It’s Thomas! It’s me!”

Newt laughs and it’s an inhuman sound. His fist connects with Thomas’s nose with a sickening crunch. Blood gushes into Thomas’s mouth. “You think I don’t know you? Of course I know you. This is all your fault Thomas! You brought me to this city and I got sick! It’s all your fault!”

Thomas coughs, spluttering blood all over Newt. “Newt,” he breathes. “Newt please… Listen to me… We can fix this. I can fix this. Let me help you.”

Newt stops hitting him and hope floods Thomas’s heart but when he meets Newt’s steely gaze all hope washes away.

“Let you help me?” barks Newt with a sneer. “You’ve killed me Thomas. Look at me! I’m a crank and it’s all your fault!” Newt reaches at Thomas’s holster and pulls out his gun. He studies it for a moment as Thomas continues to try and break free under his weight.

“Newt please… I love you.”

“Oh, Tommy,” he says, his tone softer. He blinks and his eyes appear less clouded. “If only I loved you back.”

Newt turns the gun on Thomas. Thomas’s world stops.

“Please, Newt. Please”

Newt cocks his head and looks at him and Thomas kicks out again and manages to topple Newt from on top of him. Newt falls back and Thomas makes a grab for the gun.

Newt snarls at him as he tries to hold onto the gun and he snaps at Thomas. He finds his target and bites down hard on Thomas's wrist. Thomas cries out and makes a desperate move to pull the gun away from Newt.

Newt finally pulls away from Thomas's wrist and the black treacle like blood is mixed with Thomas's own. "I hate you, Tommy," he breathes against his boyfriend's ear. "I really hate you."

Thomas pulls the gun from Newt's grasp and staggers back. "Newt this isn't you," he says. "You're not thinking clearly."

Newt barks a laugh. "I've never had a clearer mind, Tommy," he sneers. "You've sentenced me to death you bastard. Look at me! There's no coming back from this. If you ever truly cared about me you'd finish what you started and you would pull that damn trigger."

"Newt, please."

"Do it, you coward!" Screams Newt. "Kill me."

"I can't."

Newt blinks at him and the black eyes seem to clear for a moment and Thomas can almost see the beautiful chocolate eyes of the only person he's ever loved looking back at him. "Please, Tommy. Please."

Thomas pulls the trigger.

Thomas is screaming and thrashing hard against the restraints. He can’t breathe. He can’t think. His heart is thumping so hard he feels his chest will cave in. He keeps trying to suck in air but he can’t. He feels like he’s underwater. He needs to find Newt… Where is Newt? He needs Newt. No, no, no he'll never see Newt again because he killed him. He killed him. He shot him point blank in the head.

He killed his own boyfriend.

He hears voices around him but he can’t focus on what they are saying. Then there’s arms on him pushing him down. He thinks of Newt… blood dripping from his mouth… black veins sprouting across his skin. He thinks of putting a bullet through his skull and he screams. He screams bloody murder.

He's a murderer. A murderer. He killed Newt. His Newt. His boyfriend. He shot the love of his life in the head.

He feels a prick on his arm and a coldness seeps through his whole body before the darkness finally blissfully takes him.

Teresa watches on from behind the glass. She digs her nails into her palms so hard she draws blood. This is wrong. This is so damn wrong.

They’ve been subjecting Thomas to the Fear serum induced memory warp trials for a couple of days now but this is the first time he’s reacted like this. The first few times he whimpered a bit or flailed in his restraints as he was shown fake memories of his parents or his life before the maze or the night he was stuck in the maze with Minho and Alby but for tonight’s extraction Janson insisted on upping the dosage of the Fear serum.

And Thomas literally almost had a heart attack because of it.

Janson shoulders past her roughly and turns on the intercom. “Why did you sedate it? We weren’t finished collecting today’s supply!”

“Sir,” says one of the doctors from behind the glass nervously. “His heart rate was getting too high. If we didn’t get him to calm down there was a high chance he could go into cardiac arrest.”

“I decide when the subject is finished with donation,” barks Janson. “Not you, is that clear?”

The doctors in the room don’t say anything.

Janson’s icy glare practically cuts through the glass that separates them. “I said,” he snarls. “Is that clear?”

“Crystal,” says one of the doctors.

“Good,” says Janson. “Now tell me what is the quality of the sample you managed to collect.”

Teresa watches Thomas as the doctors run his bloodwork. She doesn’t know what they showed him in his visions this time but the way he screamed and thrashed broke her. He doesn’t deserve this. They have enough from him now. They should work on replicating the serum without his blood. Just let him go…

“This sample is 60% more effective at fighting off the flare virus cells than the last sample.”

Janson nods. “When the sedation begins to wear off, run another trial. Intensify the visions again. We are not stopping until we are at least 90% more effective.”

“You’re kidding,” says Teresa, finally finding her voice. “Janson, he almost went into cardiac arrest at 60%... Anything more could kill him.”

The doctors in the room echo Teresa’s sentiments but it’s useless.

“I don’t remember asking for your input Ms Agnes,” says Janson.

“Janson this is unethical,” she says. “Look at him! Actually look at him. We can’t keep doing this to him. We’ll kill him.”

Janson laughs. “I don’t remember you having any problems with ethics when it was its friend lying on the table or the dozens of other subjects before it. In fact I think you were eating popcorn and watching the nightmare show like it was a movie. So don’t you dare play the ethics card on me because it’s your little boyfriend on the line.”

Teresa bites her lip. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Oh yes,” says Janson with a scoff. He takes a menacing step towards Teresa and instinctively she takes a step back. “My mistake the little bastard was fucking that skinny little English boy. You’re such an unlovable little wench you turned your own boyfriend gay. How embarrassing.”

Nobody says a thing. Teresa can feel the eyes of all the doctors on her. She's never hated anyone in life like she hates Janson at that moment. “You’re a monster,” she says. She feels wetness in her eyes of tears threatening to fall but she doesn’t want to give Janson the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

“I suggest you look in a mirror Teresa,” he says. “I think you’ll find we’re the same.”

Teresa looks into the room at Thomas lying on the gurney. She’s just as much a part of this as Janson or the doctors in that room. She may not be the one injecting Thomas with the Fear serum but she has been complicit in it all.

But not anymore, she’s had more than enough.

Janson has already turned away from her and is barking more orders at the doctors so Teresa slips out of the room quietly. She makes her way towards the communications room where Ava made her broadcast a couple of days ago. She turns around and there’s nobody there. She’s alone. She tests the door and it’s open.

She’s doing this. She should have done this days ago. Weeks ago. She never should have let this go so far but she’s going to fix it now. She’s going to get Thomas help. She’s going to get him out of here.

She flicks on controls and gets ready to broadcast her message. She has to keep it short. When she has everything on and the system is ready she sighs. Janson could have her killed for this but… but if the message gets out there and they know where Thomas is and they can come for him then it’s all worth it. She has long since given up caring about what happens to her. With her heart pounding and her palms sweating she leans into the microphone.

“Newt,” she says. “Newt it’s me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you but you need to help me. You need to help me help Thomas. He’s here with me but we can’t get out of here without your help. He needs you Newt and you need to come now. We are in the facility that we were brought to after the maze. Hurry Newt. Thomas doesn’t have much time. Please, Newt… Just please come and get him. Please.”

Teresa ends the broadcast and turns off the microphone and leans back in her chair running a hand through her hair. Please God let them hear her message. Please. If Janson keeps draining Thomas the way he is he won’t see the end of the week. The tears that had been threatening to fall when she was arguing with Janson finally do, she wipes her eyes with her sleeve and kicks back from her chair to go back to the dorm when the radio crackles on.

Teresa’s heart stops and then a familiar voice with an English accent says her name.

“Teresa?”

Chapter Text

180 days before the night in the Last City

Thomas promised Minho that he wouldn’t end up like the other kids who were strung up at the WCKD compound and he failed him. All of this is his fault and even though Newt’s words mean a lot and he knows WCKD is to blame for the deaths of his friends and the suffering of pretty much everyone he’s ever met he can’t wash himself of blame completely. There was a time in the past that the old Thomas was complicit in all of this and even if he can’t remember that old version of himself he cannot forget his mistakes. He won’t allow himself to do that.

Destroying WCKD and killing Ava Paige and Janson and getting Minho and the others back and giving the immune children a life is his priority. His only priority.

Except…

That’s not quite true because Thomas’s main priority and the first thing he thinks about in the morning and the last thing he thinks about at night is Newt.

Thomas feels like both everything has changed and nothing has changed in his relationship with Newt. Ever since waking up in that damn box over a month ago Newt has never left Thomas's side and the mere presence of the other boy calms him in a way he could never explain. There's been many times in the recent weeks when Thomas felt he could just crumble under the pressure of it all but Newt has been there for him always with his caring touch and wise words. Newt grounds him in a way Thomas never thought was possible.

At first, Thomas thought after that kiss on the cliff that maybe things could get awkward between them but he couldn't have been more wrong. The transition from playful nudges of their shoulders and friendly pats on the back to holding hands with interlaced fingers and gentle kisses to cheeks and lips has felt like a natural progression to Thomas.

He and Newt hadn’t talked yet about exactly what they are now. They are more than friends…like obviously but they haven’t discussed exactly what they are and it is consuming all of Thomas’s thoughts. Thomas knows what he wants. He wants to go to bed every night with Newt curled up in his arms and wake up beside him each morning. He wants Newt to rest his head on his shoulder when they are sitting by the campfire in the evenings. He wants Newt to run his hands through his hair and try to fix that one curl on Thomas’s head that refuses to obey the laws of gravity. He wants to hold Newt’s hand and never let go. He wants to kiss him all the time. He wants to hug him and never stop.

Thomas has enjoyed their casual touches and soft kisses but what he wants is far more than casual. He wants Newt to be his boyfriend but he has no idea how to ask him. He feels silly that when the world is burning around him all he can think about is Newt but then he takes one look at the blond and he doesn’t know how anyone could think of anything or anyone else when Newt exists. Thomas knows they are meant to be together. To him, It’s a fact and that can’t be disputed. It was always meant to be him and Newt. They were always meant to be this close. Thomas can feel it in his bones. It’s written in the stars. Thomas is certain. In ways he feels destined to be with Newt but the mere notion of that seems almost too cheesy even for Thomas. Although every time Newt has casually grabbed his hand over the last few days and brushed his lips against his own he finds himself thinking about that word more and more.

Destiny.

It was that word he was thinking of when he saw the balls of yellow, blue and green yarn in Harriet’s backpack and asked her if he could borrow them. She’d given him an odd look but he thought back to that first night in the compound when they played twenty questions and he had an idea and he was going to run with it. If he couldn’t find the words to ask Newt to be his boyfriend he would make something instead.

So here he is hours later sitting in the sand braiding pieces of yarn together and just hoping beyond hope that Newt says yes.

Newt sighs and lies back down using his arms as a pillow. "I spy with my little eye something beginning with... S."

Thomas yawns and continues to fiddle with the coloured threads of yarn in his hands. "Sand?"

“Bingo,” says Newt before blowing a raspberry in boredom. "Do people actually find this game entertaining?"

"Doubt it."

For Newt, the days after their kiss on the cliff are some of the most hectic of his life. They had funerals for everyone who was killed in the WCKD attack and the clean up from the gun battle seemed to take forever. When they finally had everything gathered and Vince told them his plans to take them to the Safe Haven that’s when Thomas stood up to say he wasn’t going and he’s going to take down WCKD all on his tod.

Because of fucking course he is.

At that moment Newt wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss him or punch him.

(Or both)

Then Thomas gave that goddamn speech and every single one of the survivors wanted to follow him into No Man’s Land. Newt knows that feeling all too well.

So that is how Newt and Thomas find themselves in the scorch looking down at the train tracks. Rumour has it that WCKD runs a train every couple of weeks through this area and they are sitting here on the off chance that it passes by so they can try and track its movements and hopefully plan a heist in the months to come.

Apparently taking down an evil corporation that kidnaps children isn't as exciting as it sounds though. Newt and Thomas have been out here for hours and not so much as a bird has flown past never mind have they seen a train.

Newt tilts his head and looks over at Thomas. He is sitting cross-legged on the sand and his whole focus is on the strands of yarn in his hands. His brow is furrowed and his tongue is sticking out of the side of his mouth. He is insanely cute. The boy will never fail to astonish Newt. How he can go from giving a speech to rally an uprising against WCKD to playing with knitting wool like a fucking house cat is beyond him. "What are you doing?" he asks.

Thomas looks up at him, his eyes like caramel in the light from the setting sun. He smiles at Newt and Newt smiles back. "I made you something," he says in an unusual vulnerable tone.

Newt raises an eyebrow. "Hmmm?"

Thomas crawls over to him and lifts Newt's wrist onto his knees before showing off the braided strands of yarn in his hands. His hands are shaking slightly as he ties it around Newt's wrist. "Whatcha think?"

Newt lifts his hand from Thomas’s lap to look at the bracelet. It’s a simple one of three different colours of multiple strings of yarn braided together. The braids are a little wonky and the threads have been pulled a little too tightly in places but it somehow adds to the aesthetic of it all. Also Thomas made it so that instantly makes it perfect in Newt's eyes.

Thomas takes Newt’s hand in his own and intertwines their fingers. His heart is pounding and he thinks he might be sick. This is it. “I chose yellow because that’s your favourite colour,” he says and he brings Newt’s hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles. Newt’s skin sends a tingling sensation through his lips. “Blue because that’s my favourite.” More kisses and this time Newt blushes deep red and Thomas’s heart swells. “And green because when you mix blue and yellow you get green.” He takes a deep breath. Just say it. All he has to do is say it. Ask the question. “Seems… fitting y’know… for us… sorta like… we are… meant to be… like de-destiny?” Thomas stumbles over his words. None of this is making any sense. He clears his throat and starts again. “I made it because I want us to-”

"You're such a dork," laughs Newt, talking over him. “I can't believe you made me a friendship bracelet." Newt throws his arms around his neck and breathes in that scent that is so uniquely Tommy. “I love it,” he says.

Thomas freezes. Shit. Shit. Shit. A friendship bracelet? He hadn’t meant the bracelet to be a friendship bracelet but before he can say anything Newt is pushing him back into the sand and kissing him and his mind short circuits. He gasps and when Newt takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss and slide his tongue into his mouth Thomas’s whole world seems to crash out of orbit.

“You two are doing a great job at looking out for trains,” says a voice behind them and Newt jumps up off of Thomas so quickly, he knees him in the stomach and Brenda bursts out laughing. Thomas wonders what fresh hell is this that every woman he’s ever met interrupts him from kissing Newt…

It’s no secret that Newt and Thomas have become more than friends over the last couple of days. A lot of the survivors saw the kiss on the cliff and Fry had declared it the “one bit of good in a horrible no good very bad shit life” which Thomas felt gooey inside about his blessing. It meant a lot to him that his friends liked the idea of him and Newt together. He just hoped Newt wanted them to be together but with him thinking that the bracelet was a friendship bracelet… What if Newt just wanted to stay friends but friends who made out sometimes and held hands? Thomas wanted more than that…

Thomas didn’t just want part of Newt and he didn’t just want to give part of himself to Newt in return.

He wanted to give himself entirely to Newt and have all of Newt too.

But if Newt didn’t want that then… His heart feels heavy even at the thoughts of that.

Thomas is trying not to think about all of this as he is rubbing his tummy where Newt kicked him. He looks over at Newt and the bracelet on his wrist and his heart sinks further still.

Brenda, oblivious to Thomas’s struggle, plops herself down beside him. “Any sign of any trains?”

“We haven’t even seen a hint of a train,” Thomas grumbles, still rubbing his tummy.

“How long have you two been out here?”

Newt checks his watch. “About eight hours?”

Brenda nods. “Head back to camp. I’ll keep watch.”

Thomas gawks at her. “Brenda-"

“Don’t argue with me, Thomas,” she says. “We both know you two were not giving the tracks your full attention head back to camp. I got this.”

Thomas looks over at Newt who shrugs before saying “I won’t say no to going back to camp early and getting some of Fry’s stew when it’s still somewhat edible.”

Brenda makes a gagging noise. “I don’t know what’s worse seeing you two eat the faces off each other or Fry’s monstrosity that he calls stew.”

Thomas blushes and stands and helps Newt up. Warmth shoots up his arms as he pulls Newt to his feet. He’ll ask him. He has to ask him. He feels like he’ll combust if he doesn’t ask him. He puts on a fake smile and tries to pretend he isn’t screaming on the inside. “And on that note, we’re outta here,” he says. “Come on then, Newtie,” giving him a quick kiss.

Brenda makes another gagging noise but Thomas can tell by the big smile and her face that she loves seeing them together really.

“You do know you have killed the mood entirely by calling me Newtie,” says Newt as Thomas intertwines their fingers and begins to drag him away. “If I can survive being kicked in the stomach by you then you can handle a nickname… Bye Bren!”

“Bye guys, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Thomas swings his and Newt’s arms wildly before leaning over and kissing Newt’s jaw. “No promises,” he says back.

It’s almost a half an hour walk back to their camp and after the initial buzz from the banter with Brenda dies down Thomas’s mind drifts back to the bracelet on Newt’s wrist and the question he didn’t get to ask.

It’s getting dark as they near their camp and Newt is looking up at the stars. He’s always loved stars. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” asks Newt.

“Hmmm?”

“The stars.”

Thomas only has eyes for Newt when he says “gorgeous.”

Newt looks over at him and furrows his brow. “You’ve been really quiet since we left Brenda, are you okay?”

It’s now or never…

Thomas looks at him and takes both of his hands in his own. The spark he always feels when he’s holding Newt’s hand travels through his body. “I was thinking,” he says and then he licks his lips.

“Always dangerous,” teases Newt as he rubs a pattern along Thomas’s knuckles.

Thomas rolls his eyes but cannot help himself from smiling. Newt feels something in his chest warm at the sight.

Thomas looks at the bracelet on Newt’s wrist and he runs his thumb over it. “About the bracelet,” he starts.

“I really love it, Tommy,” says Newt and he gives him a quick kiss. “Thank you.”

Thomas smiles. “You’re welcome, it’s just… I… I ummm.”

“Are you okay?”

Thomas feels the heat in his cheeks as he blushes deep red. His heart is thumping in his chest. He’s stared down the barrel of a gun multiple times in the past few weeks yet this is the scariest moment in his life so far. What if this isn’t what Newt wants? He’s too scared to look at Newt as he says this and he looks down at his feet before scrunching his eyes shut.

“Tommy?” says Newt. He lifts his hand to Thomas’s face and strokes the freckles and beauty marks on his cheek paying particular focus to the triangle of moles under his ear that he has adored since he sat with Thomas that first night in the glade. He wants to kiss them but he feels now isn’t the time. “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t mean the bracelet as a friendship bracelet. I was ummmm I was hoping it could be more of a-a ummmm well more of a boyfriend bracelet… I want us to be boyfriends. I want to be with you… I really want to be with you. Will you… will you be my boyfriend?” says Thomas all in one breath.

The hand that has been tenderly stroking his face suddenly stills and Thomas thinks he’s fucked this up. Newt doesn’t want what he wants. Thomas feels something inside him shatter at the thought of it. He keeps his eyes scrunched closed and he doesn’t dare look up at Newt.

The bracelet feels suddenly heavy on Newt’s wrist. Thomas wants to be his boyfriend. His heart is beating wildly in his chest. That voice in the back of his head, the voice that always used to forbid him from ever telling Alby he loved him is screaming at him now. That voice that tells him falling for someone is dangerous and only causes pain is banging in his skull. He looks at the bracelet and back up at Thomas.

“Newt, I-,” Thomas starts but his voice cracks. He still has his eyes screwed tightly closed. Newt looks at him. He looks broken. “I.. it’s too soon.. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry… You don’t have to wear it. I-”

Newt tilts Thomas’s face up and kisses him. He hopes Thomas can see how much he wants this as he takes control by tugging at his lower lip with his teeth before sliding his tongue into his mouth. The voice that is telling Newt to run is still hammering in his brain but as Thomas begins to kiss him back, Newt finds the last thing he wants to do is run.

They only break apart when a gust of cold wind nearly knocks them off their feet. Newt leans his forehead against Thomas’s and wraps his arms around his neck. He feels Thomas’s hands find his sides, his thumbs sliding under his shirt and gently rubbing the skin on his hips.

“I take that as a yes, then?” asks Thomas. His words are cocky but Newt can still hear the vulnerability in his voice.

“Of course, it’s a yes, Boyfriend Tommy,” he says.

“Good that, Boyfriend Newt,” says Thomas and he leans in and kisses him again. The whole world is falling apart but he is Newt’s and Newt is his.

When they break apart Newt leans in and finally kisses the trio of moles underneath Thomas’s ear and it’s just as perfect as he imagined. The voice that tells him that this is dangerous and he’ll only end up hurt is still chattering away in his skull but Newt manages to ignore it for now.

**

33 days after the night in the Last City

The Safe Haven

Tommy is alive. Tommy is alive. Tommy is alive. Tommy is alive. Tommy is alive. Tommy is alive.

Newt toys with his bracelet. He hasn't taken it off once since the day Thomas asked him to be his boyfriend. It has got quite tattered in the last half a year but Newt doesn't care. He loves it as much today as he did that day in the scorch.

For a long time he thought this bracelet was one of the only things he had left of Thomas. His beautiful Tommy. But he’s alive. Tommy is alive and Newt is sitting here and not looking for him and he hates it. How can they just sit here when Thomas is out there?

Newt sighs and looks over at the others. They are in the Safe Haven's homestead and Vince, Jorge, Brenda, Minho, Fry and Gally are crouching over the maps Vince has of all the known WCKD facilities.

Newt thinks they are wasting time looking at the maps here. They should be in the berg heading towards the mainland and studying the maps and making up a plan on the way. Thomas is potentially dying and they are just sitting here talking and it boils Newt's blood. They are wasting time. He could be with Thomas again tonight if they just got a move on. Newt thinks he may never have to wake up in his bed alone ever again and his heart pounds in his chest at the mere notion of waking up with Thomas in his arms again. He can almost feel Thomas’s body curled up against his own.

Almost.

Minho scratches his head as he looks at the maps. Between mazes, and labs there’s twenty-four locations on the maps and they are all spread out across the country. There aren't even two within a day’s drive of each other.

“Thomas gave you all these locations before he was sent up into the maze?” asks Minho.

Vince nods. “He was our source,” he says. “He was pretty well trusted in WCKD to know all of this. He’d been gathering information for a while before he contacted us and we spoke regularly for almost three years before he was sent up into the maze. He wanted to make sure we could really take the place down before he revealed himself but then something happened in the last few months that made him act more rashly and quicker and he pushed our plans forward. It’s how he ended up being caught.”

“What happened?” asks Brenda.

“He never said,” says Vince. “And obviously then he was caught and his memory was wiped so he doesn’t even know himself but it must have been bad. I remember the first call he had with Mary. He was practically inconsolable.”

Minho looks over towards Newt who has started rubbing his bad leg.

And it clicks.

Thomas turned against WCKD and started trying to tear them down from the inside three years ago.

Exactly around the time when Newt was sent up into the maze.

And something bad happened that made him have to speed up his plan which ultimately ended in him getting caught.

The day Newt jumped.

It had always always been about Newt.

Of course it had.

Everything Thomas has ever done was to protect Newt.

“Can the radio broadcast be traced back to where it came from?” asks Gally.

Vince scratches his chin, “It’s possible, yes but we don’t have the tech for it, we could respond to them and talk to WCKD but they aren’t going to just reveal their location to us and if they have the equipment to trace the line back to us they could come back for all the Immunes we have here.”

"Are there at least any locations on the map we can rule out?" asks Fry.

Vince sighs. "Only the headquarters building in the Last City."

“Shit,” says Gally. “That doesn’t narrow things down much.”

“I’ve been to some of these places,” says Minho, finally taking his gaze away from Newt. He circles the table and looks at the map from a different angle. He starts pointing out locations on the maps. “These four don’t have labs and those two are warehouses so I don’t think they’ll have him in any of them.”

Vince marks the locations Minho pointed out with a pen. “Well, that’s slightly better.”

“We’ll just have to get teams together and go to every single one of them,” says Newt, speaking for the first time since they called the meeting. “Let’s head to the berg now, we’re wasting time here.”

“Newt,” says Vince. “You know we can’t risk too many people leaving the Safe Haven. It’ll be one small group and one location at a time.”

“That’s bullshit, Vince! One place at a time? As soon as they get wind we’re onto them they’ll just keep moving him around!”

"Newt," says Vince again. "It has taken us years to get here. Years. A lot of people sacrificed everything to make the Safe Haven possible and I can't risk their safety for one man."

Newt feels like someone has just crushed his heart, tore it from his chest and stomped it into the floorboards. "But this is Thomas," he says simply. He doesn’t understand how that isn’t a good enough reason for everyone in this room to get up now and head to the berg.

"I know it's Thomas," Vince's voice cracks. "Trust me, I know. We wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for him and if I thought it was safe I'd get every man, woman and child out of their huts right now to go look for him but it isn't safe, Newt. It isn't. And we both know Thomas wouldn't want us to risk everyone to save him."

"Don't even pretend to know what he'd want," snaps Newt. “You don't know him like I know him. You don’t know him at all!”

Newt digs the heels of his palms into his eyes and sighs heavily. He can’t cry here in front of everyone, he just can’t.

“Newt,” says Minho, rounding the table towards him. He looks at Newt as if he is some sort of wild animal that may attack at any moment. “I’m going to take you back to your hut, okay? We can have dinner there and tidy up and talk about what we are going to do next.”

“What do you mean talk about what we are going to do? We’re going to go get Thomas. I don’t give two fucks what Vince says. We are leaving tonight.”

Minho gives him that look again. That look he hates.

“Of course we are going to get him back but we need to come up with a plan first. You know that. We can’t just head all the way back to the mainland without any idea of what we are doing or where we are going.”

“The plan is we go to the mainland now and we don’t come back until we find him.”

“Newt,” says Minho again and Newt is getting pretty sick of hearing his own name. “We can’t go right now. We have to think this through. We have to study the maps properly and figure out which compounds to focus on and we have to decide who will travel to the mainland and who will stay here and we need to do a stocktake of all our weapons and-

“Yeah, pretty much all of that sounds like things we could do on the berg to the mainland. We’ll just take everyone who wants to go and every weapon we have,” interrupts Newt.

“You’re not listening to me,” says Minho frustration slipping into his tone.

“No Minho,” snarls Newt. “You’re not listening to me. Do you think Thomas stopped for one damn second when he was trying to save you? No. He didn’t. And look where it got him. We planned everything and he still got taken by those bastards so screw plans. Let’s just go and get him back.”

Minho’s shoulders slump. “Trust me,” he says. “I want him back too.”

“Then bloody act like it,” screams Newt. “If it wasn’t for you getting caught in the first place we wouldn’t even be in this mess and Thomas would be here not… not being kept like some sort of fucking lab rat by WCKD and being bled like a fucking radiator.”

As soon as Newt says the words he regrets them but they are out there now and this time he doesn’t have the flare to blame for his outburst. This was all him.

Minho blinks and a single tear falls down his cheek. “Don’t you think I blame myself enough already without you piling more guilt on?” he asks Newt.

Before Newt can say anything the radio that has been playing Ava Paige’s message on repeat crackles and stops and then a tinny voice says Newt's name.

Teresa’s voice fills the room and she’s speaking directly to Newt. Telling him she’s sorry and that Thomas is alive and that they are at the same compound that they were originally brought to when they left the maze. Newt looks over to Minho who instantly races back to the table and scans the map for the facility.

“Hurry Newt. Thomas doesn’t have much time. Please, Newt… Just please come and get him. Please.” Teresa’s last sentence seems to echo around the room.

Newt scrambles back across the room and begins flipping switches on the radio. “What does she mean he doesn’t have much time?” he asks frantically as he picks up the microphone.

“Newt, wait,” said Vince. “This could be a trap. If you respond they could find out the location of the Safe Haven and-”

“Vince,” says Newt. “I mean this with the utmost respect but if you don’t back off and let me talk to the bitch who stole my boyfriend away from me the security of the Safe Haven will be the least of your fucking worries.”

Vince throws his arms up in surrender and sits back down as Newt lifts the microphone to his lips. “Teresa?”

**

The WCKD Compound

Teresa wasn't expecting a response so quickly and she feels frozen.

"Teresa? We know you're there. Teresa?"

She turns back on her microphone. She has absolutely no idea what to say. "Hey," she says simply.

The silence on the other end of the line is loud. It's Minho who finally says, "you disappear off the face of the earth for a month with my best friend and come back with a vague as fuck radio message about feeling sorry for yourself and then all we get is a hey?"

Teresa has the urge just to hang up on them and walk away but that will solve nothing. All that matters is Thomas.

"How's Thomas?" asks Newt.

Teresa bites her lip and thinks of the sedated boy who just almost had a heart attack and is being drained just down the corridor. "He's... he's not great," she says.

"Can I speak to him?"

Teresa sighs. "No."

"Why the hell not, Teresa?"

Teresa runs her hand through her hair. "The doctors here have him sedated."

"Are you doing the same warped memory trial shit on him that you did on me?" asks Minho.

Teresa hangs her head. She hates this. She hates this so much. She hates that she played such a heavy hand in Minho’s trials and that he will know exactly what kind of torture Thomas is going through.

"Teresa?"

"Yes," she says. "They... we are doing the same trials."

"Shit," says Minho.

"What is happening to Thomas is wrong," says Teresa.

Minho laughs on the other end of the line. "Funny that you think that now when you had absolutely no problem doing these trials on me. I thought we were friends Teresa. None of this absolutely none of this shit would be happening if it wasn't for you."

"I know," she says. "I know. I want to fix this."

"Fix this?" scoffs Minho. "Okay fine, give me the last six months back then."

"Minho," she says. “I’m sorry, I really really am. I’m sorry.”

"”Yeah,” says Minho. “That… that doesn’t help much. It fucking doesn’t help at all honestly.”

Teresa takes a deep breath. She deserves Minho's anger. She knows she does. For six months she allowed him to go through very similar trials to the ones Thomas is being subjected to now and she never once tried to stop it. Minho had been nothing but nice to her in the glade and the scorch and she threw all that back in his face. She treated him like some sort of lab experiment and not a living breathing person and he has every right to hate her.

She hates herself too.

"Janson is intensifying the trials on Thomas," she says. "Everything that was ever done to you Minho... everything... was tame compared to what Janson is ordering on Thomas... I-I'm not sure how much more he'll be able to take. He almost went into cardiac arrest tonight and Janson isn't finished with him yet he's going to put him through another trial. Janson is out of control and he won't listen to anyone."

"You need to stop him," says Newt.

"He won't listen to anyone, Newt. I've tried telling him a couple of times and the doctors here have too. He won't listen to any of us and…," Teresa thinks of the way Janson showed off his gun to her the other night when they were arguing. "He won’t think twice about killing me or anyone else in this building who gets in his way." Teresa knows the others would have no problem with her dying but at least they have the manners not to say it.

"We're coming to you," says Newt. "You're in the same facility we were brought to after the maze?"

"Yes," says Teresa. "I-I can hack into the security systems here so I can help you get into the building without being detected."

“You can hack WCKD’s security?” asks Newt.

“I used to do it all the time when we were kids, how else do you think we were able to run around every night without being caught?”

Newt makes an amused noise but doesn’t say anything.

“How long will it take you guys to get here?” asks Teresa.

She hears the others shuffling around and talking amongst themselves quickly before Minho comes back. "We can be there late tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay," says Teresa. "That works. I'll start working on breaking down the security tonight. If you guys can get here by tomorrow afternoon, wait until it gets dark and I'll have the doors to the hangar unlocked and I'll meet you there with Thomas."

There's a pregnant silence on the line and Teresa bites her lip before speaking again. "I don't expect you to take me with you, I'm only bringing Thomas to you."

"Good," says Minho.

Teresa pretends not to be hurt by his tone but it is nothing more than she expected. It's nothing more than she deserves. If she were Minho she would say the exact same thing.

"Okay then," she says. Her hand hovers over the button to turn off the radio. She feels more than done with this conversation.

"Teresa?" asks Newt his tone is not as harsh as it was before. "Tell Thomas… Tell him... tell him that I-I that I lo… that I miss him. Please tell him I miss him and I'm coming for him?"

It's obvious what word Newt wanted to say but Teresa pretends not to notice. "I'll tell him."

"Thank you," says Newt. "See you tomorrow."

"See you."

The line cuts out.

Teresa feels deflated after the call. She expected the anger from Minho but it still hurt to hear it. However it hurt even more to know she deserved his anger.

She checks the time and frowns. Thomas should be coming to from his sedation soon and Janson was going to put him through another trial. A part of her told her that even if Newt and the others were here tomorrow night it might not be quick enough to save him but she silenced that thought quickly she couldn’t think like that.

With a sigh she makes sure she has all the equipment turned off and that she is leaving the room in the same state as she found it in before pushing back in her chair and tiptoeing out the room. She closes the door gently behind her and sighs in relief before she begins to walk back towards the lab.

“Teresa?” says a voice and she jumps and Teresa looks over to see Ava leaving her office.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” says Ava. “Thomas is about to undergo another round of the fear serum are you coming to the lab?”

Teresa doesn’t trust her voice and nods.

“Come along then,” says Ava leading the way and Teresa follows her along.

**

The first thing that hits Thomas as he wakes up is the pain. His head is pounding and he doesn't dare open his eyes yet because he knows he will throw up if he does. He can't even remember the last time he ate anything so he doesn't even know what he has in his stomach to come up.

He tries to flex his arms but he can't. There's something holding them up and he can feel a cold binding strapped around his middle too. He's not lying in a bed this time. He can tell he's upright and he doesn't understand. Where is he?

He tries to think back to the last thing he can remember but everything is a blur... He remembers... he remembers going to the WCKD headquarters with Newt... and... and... his mind goes blank... He remembers pain. A lot of pain... He remembers Teresa talking to him but he can't remember what she said... He remembers... He remembers being in the car with Brenda and Jorge and... Newt was outside... He remembers going to Newt and Newt attacked him and and and...

He shot him.

"I know you're awake, Thomas," says Janson.

Thomas blearily opens his eyes and the fluorescent lights are like daggers to his skull. He groans and scrunches his eyes shut. His stomach rolls and he spits bile up onto the floor.

"Lovely," sneers Janson. "You always had bad manners Thomas but throwing up on my lovely clean floor is a bit extreme don't you think?"

Thomas groans and opens his eyes again. He looks up at Janson but in his hazy vision there's two of him and he groans again.

Janson swoops in like a hawk and grips Thomas by the jaw roughly. Thomas flinches at the touch and tries to pull away but he can't.

"Not so cocky now, are you Thomas?"

Janson is so close to Thomas that he can smell the other man's dinner on his breath and his stomach flips in protest.

Thomas blinks at him. "Where's Newt?"

Janson laughs in his face. "You don't remember?"

Thomas coughs. His head is spinning and his ears are ringing. There are black spots clouding his vision and he can feel the pull of unconsciousness coming at him but he needs to know where Newt is... He needs... He needs to know he's okay...

He tries to think back to the last thing that he can remember... But all he can think of is Newt begging him to kill him... And he remembers... He remembers having a gun and he... He remembers pulling the trigger.

Thomas gags again but there's nothing else left in his stomach to come up.

"You killed your little boyfriend," teases Janson. "He was sick. He had the flare and you could have saved him, Thomas... but you killed him instead."

“No,” says Thomas. “No I-I wouldn’t do that.. That isn’t what happened… You’re-you’re messing with my head… I’d never… I’d never hurt him.”

Someone is behind Thomas. He can feel their hand on his arm and he feels the familiar pinch and sweep of cold as he’s injected with something.

“You killed him,” says Janson again. “Only person who ever loved you and you killed him. How does that make you feel, Thomas?”

Whatever Thomas has been drugged with is working fast and he can feel himself fading. “You’re wrong,” he says.

“Am I?” questions Janson tilting his head.

“Newt doesn’t love me,” mumbles Thomas as the darkness takes him once more.

Chapter Text

138 days before the night in the Last City

Newt is nervous. Really nervous. He is lying in a ditch looking out on a dirt road. In a few minutes a van from WCKD is due to drive by them. Newt is holding onto the end of a length of barbed wire that they have modified with nails and pieces of broken glass. The wire is strung all the way across the road and Fry is holding onto the other end. The road is so stony and dusty that the wire is practically invisible. As soon as the van appears they are going to hold the wire taut and hopefully puncture the front tyres of the vehicle and then rescue the Immunes. Thomas and Harriet are also going to shoot out the tyres just in case the wire doesn’t work.

In the months since the attack at the Right Arm’s base in the mountains this is their first raid. They've planned this for ages now. They still have people on the train tracks every week spying but the train is going to be a big job. A big big job and when they got wind of a WCKD van going to be in the area everyone saw it as the perfect opportunity to really try and start taking them on.

The van should be easy enough to take down. There should only be two guards inside and if their sources are correct there will also be at least five Immunes in the back. So the pay off will be great if they can take the guards out. Vince has let Newt, Thomas, Harriet, Frypan and Joe head down on their own for this mission.

Newt just prays that Minho is inside.

Joe sighs beside him. “Y’know when I signed up to take these bastards down I didn’t imagine there would be quite so much lying down in ditches. I’m far too old for this shit.”

Newt smiles. He likes Joe. Joe is probably in his mid 50s or so and he’s such a grumpy lovable uncle kinda figure. “It shouldn’t be much longer now,” says Newt.

“Good that,” says Joe and Newt scoffs at the man starting to use some of their Glader phrases. “If they don’t hurry up we won’t be seizing any Munie kids and the only thing seizing will be my back.”

Newt laughs hollowly. He knows that Joe is only trying to lighten the mood but Newt can’t help but think of how dangerous this situation truly is. So many things could go wrong. The wire may not work and the tyres may not burst when Thomas and the others shoot at them, the guards inside could react quicker than them and take them out. Minho or any of the other Immunes may not even be inside and their sources could have been wrong. Newt’s brain is full of what if scenarios, each one increasingly worse than the last.

A hand covers his own and Newt jumps.

“Hey,” says a soft voice beside him. “It’s only me, sorry didn’t mean to startle you.”

Thomas lays down beside him and kisses his brow quickly. He keeps his hand on Newt’s own. “It’ll be fine,” he says as if they are going out for a walk without a jacket on a cloudy day and not about to ambush a van owned by an evil corporation with armed guards that specialises in kidnapping children.

“In five minutes we could all be dead,” says Newt.

Thomas squeezes his hand. “I think it’s your optimistic attitude that gets me through the day,” he says dryly.

Newt cuts him a look. “Dick.”

“Or maybe it’s your kind words…”

Newt shoves him and Thomas laughs before kissing his brow again and finally getting more serious. “Look, Newt,” he says. “We’ve got this. You know we do. We’ve everything planned out. We just gotta all play our part. There’s Immunes in that van and hopefully Minho is one of them.”

“Yeah,” says Newt but he still isn’t convinced. “Just promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

“Me? Doing something stupid?” says Thomas in feigned outrage. “You must have confused me with somebody else.”

“Well there was the time you ran into the maze as the doors were closing or the time you injected yourself with griever venom or the time you led us all into the scorch during a sandstorm or the time-

Newt only stops when Thomas’s hand that had been holding his own covers his mouth instead. “Okay, okay,”he says. “I didn’t need an entire list.”

Newt smiles against Thomas’s hand. Despite the horrors they see daily and the continuous battle to save Minho and the others, in the two months they’ve been officially boyfriends Newt has never been happier. Sometimes when it’s just him and Thomas, Newt can forget what the rest of the world is like. That the world is burning and people are turning into cranks and their friends are being tested like lab rats by WCKD.

“Hey,” says Joe. “Sorry to interrupt you lovebirds but the van is coming.”

Newt feels his heart thumping in his chest as he peaks out over the ditch and sees the van coming towards them.

This is it.

Newt is still scared. So much could and can go wrong. He thinks of the guards in that van and how easy it would be for one of their little group to get shot and killed.

If Thomas gets shot…

Seemingly sensing his panic Thomas takes his hand quickly again. “You’ve got this Newt,” he says before kissing him quickly on the lips. “Okay? I’m going to make my way closer to the road to get a better shot and to cover you when you take out the guards. If anything goes wrong I’m there, alright?”

Newt can’t find his voice so nods instead. He thinks of what it would be like to lose Thomas and he thinks losing him would cause the whole world to stop spinning.

Thomas gives him a soft smile and with far more grace than should be possible for the shank crawls through the ditch.

“Be careful!” whispers Newt after him.

“Aren’t I always?” Thomas says back and he’s gone.

Newt looks down the road and the van is almost here. He looks back down deeper into the ditch but he can’t see Thomas anymore.

What if he never sees Thomas again? What if he gets shot? What if-

The van rumbles closer and Newt is shaken from his thoughts because it’s time. He glances over towards the other side of the road and he can just about make out Fry poking his head out from shrubs and he nods at him.

They both pull the wire taut just as the van drives past. The momentum of the van drags Newt forward and he feels Joe grab him to steady him. He thinks his shoulders are going to pop out of their sockets. “Shit,” he gasps.

The front tyres of the van burst and shots are fired from the ditch and the van rattles to a sudden stop on the road as the back tyres are busted as well. Newt jumps up quickly and races towards it with his gun raised just as the first of the WCKD guards hops out of the cab. Fry races up from behind the van and clobbers the guard across the head with the butt of his gun as Harriet reveals herself from her hiding place and points her shotgun in the face of the other guard still in the passenger seat.

“Don’t even think of trying anything,” she snarls. “Open the back.”

The guard stares her down but when Harriet fires a warning shot through the windscreen he quickly throws the keys out the window and Newt races over and snatches them up as Fry and Harriet focus on the guard in the passenger seat and usher him out so they can tie him up along with the other unconscious one.

Newt’s hands are shaking as he takes the keys around the back and he drops them. Joe bends down and picks them up. “Alright, butterfingers?” he teases.

Newt just scowls but says nothing. He scans the area but he doesn’t see Thomas anywhere and his heart feels heavy in his chest.

“Loverboy is staying at a vantage point so he can take out these WCKD guards if something goes wrong, remember?” says Joe as he puts the keys in the lock and begins to open the doors. “But if he’s as good with the gun as you are at holding keys then I think we may be in serious troub-”

As Joe pulls open the doors of the van a loud shot rings out and Newt jumps as Joe’s body crumples onto the ground.

Newt can’t move with the fear as he looks at Joe’s body on the tarmac, a pool of blood already forming at his chest, staining his once white shirt crimson. His mouth is frozen in a sentence he never got to finish.

He’s gone.

Newt stumbles away from Joe’s body and falls on his ass looking back into the van. Minho isn’t in there. There are no Immunes in there but there is a single WCKD guard with a gun and he’s smiling down at Newt like he’s his prey. Newt has never been more scared in his life.

The guard stands and stalks his way down the van and jumps out, never once taking his gun away from Newt’s head. “You know,” he sneers. “When Janson came up with the idea of a decoy van to draw you little shits out I didn’t think you would fall for it but well… I guess I was wrong.”

It was a set up. There had never been kids in the van. Janson set a trap and they fell for the bait and Joe is dead because of it. Newt shuffles backwards further in the sand and his hand lands in the oozing pool of blood around Joe’s body. Newt feels sick.

“End of the line, kid,” sneers the guard.

Newt scrunches his eyes closed as a second shot rings out through the scorch and once again Newt hears a loud thud as a body hits the ground but Newt feels no pain.

“NEWT!”

Newt hears thumping footsteps coming towards him and strong arms wrap around him pulling him in close. “Newt? Newt! Newt? Talk to me. Did he hurt you? Did he touch you? Are you okay? Newt?!”

Newt finally opens his eyes and sees the body of the guard lying by his feet, blood pooling from the gunshot wound to his head.

He’s dead.

“Are you okay?” Thomas asks again, still hugging Newt tightly. Newt thinks Thomas might be shaking more than he is.

Newt can’t stop staring at the dead unblinking eyes of the guard. “You killed him,” he says.

“He was going to shoot you,” says Thomas back. Newt finally tears his gaze away from the body and looks at Thomas. Concerned tear filled eyes stare back at him. “Are you okay?” asks Thomas again.

Newt, not trusting his voice, simply nods.

Thomas pulls him in for another hug. “I thought I’d lost you,” he whispers.

“I’m here,” says Newt, wrapping his arms around Thomas’s neck even tighter. “I’m here.”

Thomas doesn’t let Newt go for a long time and they kneel there in the dirt hugging until Fry and Harriet finally convince them that they have to go. If this had been a set up from the start there could very likely be more of WCKD’s henchmen hiding close by. They’ve already lost Joe and they can’t lose anyone else.

It’s only when they are standing to go that Thomas finally looks down at the body of the man he killed and he pales but he takes Newt’s hand and turns them away without saying a word.

“Thomas?”

Thomas just squeezes Newt’s hand but says nothing.

The conscious guard that Harriet and Fry tied up is screaming after them yelling obscenities at Thomas but Thomas just stares blankly in front of him and keeps walking. Newt doubts he can even hear the yelling man. However, when Harriet doubles back to knock the guard out with the butt of her gun Newt is thankful.

Thomas doesn’t say anything on the long walk back to the camp and barely acknowledges anyone who speaks to him. He just simply holds onto Newt’s hand as if he is afraid Newt will evaporate into thin air if he lets go.

All Newt can do is squeeze Thomas’s hand back and think that Joe died and it was all for fucking nothing. They had all been so excited to bring more Immunes back to the Right Arm and they are coming back with one member less than they left with this morning.

The mood in the camp is somehow worse than the morning after the WCKD ambush. Joe had been with the Right Arm since its origins and was like a brother or uncle to everyone. There isn’t a dry eye in the camp and Newt can’t help but feel guilty. If they hadn’t fallen for the bait then Joe would be here but instead his body is lying in the middle of a dirt road.

Newt looks at his hands and arms and they are stained with Joe’s blood. His stomach lurches. Thomas is still holding onto him like a lifeline and Newt feels bad but if he doesn’t go and get cleaned up right now he thinks he might just lose his mind.

He gently pries his hand away from Thomas’s. “Hey,” he says softly. If Thomas hears him he doesn’t acknowledge it. “I’m just going to go get cleaned up, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Thomas doesn’t say anything.

When he’s finally alone in the camp’s small bathroom Newt throws up the contents of his stomach before finally working on scrubbing away the blood. There’s some stuck under his fingernails and Newt’s hands are red raw by the time he manages to wash it all away. Watching Joe’s blood drain down the sink sickens his stomach again.

Newt allows himself to slide down the bathroom wall onto the floor and stays there until someone knocks on the door asking if he’s almost done.

A few hours later and they are all sitting in a sombre silence by the fire. It is Vince who finally speaks. “I think it’s time we started to consider going to the Safe Haven.”

Newt, who has been sitting quietly holding Thomas’s hand since he washed up feels Thomas’s grip on his hand suddenly tighten. “What?” asks Thomas, speaking for the first time since they arrived back in camp.

All eyes are on Vince. The man sighs. “We have a lot of Immunes here Thomas,” he says. “We have more than enough people to start a community.”

“But we don’t have all of them,” snaps Thomas back.

“Yeah,” says a woman sitting beside Frypan. Newt doesn’t know her well but thinks her name is Sarah. “And because of you guys we don’t have Joe.”

“What happened to Joe wasn’t Thomas’s fault,” says Harriet.

“He’s the one who brought WCKD in on our asses!” says a man somewhere in the back. Newt can’t see him. There’s a rumbling of agreement from the people standing near him.

“He’s also the one who got a lot of your sorry asses out of those fucking mazes,” retaliates Brenda. There’s an even louder murmur of agreement at her words.

Thomas says nothing and looks at his boots.

Vince stands and manages to calm everyone down. “We are not going to argue about this now,” he says. “Thomas, I know how much Minho and the others mean to you. What they mean to all of us. I’m not saying we should give up, I am just thinking that maybe we should start reconsidering our options.”

Thomas stands too. “I’m not standing down until every single one of those Immune kids has a home,” he says in a firm voice.

Vince grimaces. “The people here deserve to see a home too.”

Thomas looks around at everyone in the camp before he sighs. “I’m going for a walk.”

Vince calls after him but Thomas ignores him and walks away.

Newt races after Thomas but Vince reaches out and grabs his arm. “Harriet told me what happened with the guard. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re okay,” he says.

Newt just nods. “I know.”

“You know I want to rescue every kid WCKD has ever taken, I just… I have to think about the people we have already rescued too,” says Vince.

Newt nods again and gives Vince a weak smile that Vince just about manages to return. “Go check on him,” he says. “He shouldn’t be alone.”

It takes Newt a few minutes to catch up with Thomas and when he does they just walk side by side without a word. They are close enough to grab each other’s hands but neither of them reach for each other.

“I almost lost you today,” says Thomas.

“I’m here,” says Newt.

“I just,” Thomas sighs. “I was so scared. I heard a shot and then I saw you on the ground and I… I’ve never been that scared before in my life.

“Tommy, I-

“When I realised it wasn’t you who had been shot I… I was relieved. Joe was lying there dead and all I could think about was how I was so fucking relieved it wasn’t you. What kinda person does that make me?”

Newt doesn’t know what to say. If their roles were reversed though he knows he’d feel the same and that thought makes him feel guilty about Joe.

“I killed a man today,” says Thomas quietly.

“Are you okay?”

Thomas sighs and looks out at the setting sun. “Yes and no,” he says. “I… I feel bad that I didn’t take him out before he shot Joe and I feel bad that you were so close and had to see that and I feel bad that the mission was all for nothing but… He… He was going to kill you and I don’t feel bad for making sure he could never ever hurt you.”

Newt feels an emotion burning in his heart and he can hear those damn alarm bells blaring in his head again. Those warning sirens that scream to him that falling for someone is dangerous and he should run while he has the chance and before he gets hurt. He’s gotten better at ignoring them but in moments like this they are very very loud. Newt finally reaches for Thomas’s hand. It will never not amaze him how easily Thomas’s hand seems to fit into his own. That thought only amplifies the sirens. “Thank you,” he says.

Thomas leans in and kisses him softly. Newt loves their more heated kisses but it’s the ones like this when Thomas chastely brushes his lips against Newt’s own that are his favourites. They break apart and Thomas leans his forehead against Newt’s. “I should really go back and talk to Vince, shouldn’t I?” he asks.

Newt sighs. "Vince is just trying to keep everyone safe," he says.

Thomas pulls away slightly but keeps holding Newt’s hand. "I know," he admits. "I just… he's been so patient. So… good… I understand what he means. I really do but I… I can’t give up on Minho. I can’t.”

Newt brushes his free hand through Thomas’s hair. "We will find Minho," he says.

"Sometimes I think maybe we should just leave," he says. "Let the others go home. Let them go to the Safe Haven and we can go find Minho on our own."

Newt takes his hand from Thomas’s hair and grabs his other hand instead holding them both in his own. "It's not just Minho who is gone, Tommy. Everyone has someone they are looking for. Harriet is going out of her mind with worry about Sonya and Fry won't shut up about Aris. Mike's nephew was taken and Katie's twins. Everyone has their reasons for sticking with us Tommy. I know you feel like we are delaying everyone getting to go home but home is…” Newt licks his lips and thinks about what he is going to say next. “Home is the people who make it home and until we get those people back the Safe Haven will never be home. If it means getting the people we care about back then the Right Arm will follow you all around the country."

Thomas rests his head against Newt's once more and Newt sighs at the contact. "Do you really think that?"

Newt nods. "Yeah, those people… Our people. They will follow you anywhere. Sure, a couple of people want to go to the Safe Haven now but the majority want to stick with us. You heard the yell of agreement when Brenda spoke back there. Most of them wanna find WCKD and get everyone back."

"No," says Thomas. "Do you really think people are a person's home?"

Newt looks into those rich maple eyes. "Of course I do," he breathes.

Thomas has known for a long time how he feels about Newt. A very long time. He has felt this way before the day with the bracelets when he asked Newt to be his boyfriend. For a while he thought it started that night in the scorch after Winston died, when Newt held him through his panic attack or maybe even further back than that to the night when Newt climbed down into his bed after Chuck died and they just played twenty questions or maybe it might have even been before that maybe his first night in the glade when nobody wanted to talk to the greenie but then Newt sat with him their backs warmed by the fire, knees brushing and sharing a jar of god knows what.

But Thomas knows it goes back further than that still. He knew the first day they kissed on that cliff hadn’t been their first kiss. Far from it.

Thomas still doesn’t remember his life before the maze but he knows Newt was there and he’s certain the before Thomas feels the same way as the now Thomas.

Newt’s fingers are knitted with his own.

“I really thought I lost you today,” says Thomas.

Newt traces a pattern along Thomas’s knuckles with his thumbs before raising Thomas’s hands to his lips and kissing them. “I’m right here, Tommy,” he says.

Thomas smiles. "You're my home, Newt. It's always been you. I don't care where we go or where we are or if we live in a big house in the countryside or a hut by the beach or even even a sleeping bag in the scorch as long as you are there with me… I'll be home. I love you, Newt."

Newt startles, he can feel his heart pounding in his chest and he just stares back blankly at Thomas. “What?”

Thomas’s smile is impossibly soft. “I love you,” he says again.

Newt drops Thomas’s hands. He feels like his throat is closing up. He just stares at Thomas. This isn’t happening. His body and mind feel frozen. He knows he’s supposed to repeat the words back but that voice, that siren in his head that has been screaming for him to run for weeks now is banging in his skull like a drill. It’s blaring. Deafening. It’s begging him to run before he gets hurt. Those words are sacred to Newt. Sacred. He doesn’t remember saying them in this life but he knows he said them before and last time he did it didn’t end well. It didn’t end well at all. He can’t say them. He can’t. He’s never been able to utter those words since coming up in that box. It was the reason why things fell apart with Alby…

He couldn’t say the words to him and he can’t say them to Thomas now.

He isn’t sure if he will ever be able to say them.

Thomas’s smile falters only slightly. Someone who didn’t know every inch of him like Newt did mightn’t even notice it. “You don’t have to say it back,” says Thomas, his voice is shaky. “I just… I wanted you to know but if you’re not ready to say it… That’s-that’s okay, alright? I just… I wanted-needed you to know.”

Newt is the best thing that’s ever happened to him and Thomas feels like he has just blown it. "I'm sorry I shouldn't ha-”

Newt wraps his arms around Thomas’s neck and pulls him in close.

Thomas melts into the hug.

"I-," Newt starts but he can't say it. He just can't. Newt has felt broken for a very long time. So long that in ways he never thought he'd be okay again. He got good at faking it over the years. Smiling and laughing when he was supposed to and stepping up when needed but it was all an act. It had always been an act. Then Thomas came up in the box. Thomas with his hero complex, Thomas with his heart of gold, Thomas with his gorgeous smile and his beautiful soul and every second Newt spent with him he felt a little bit better. He felt like maybe there could be a life out there worth living. He felt whole again. He knew how he felt. He did. He knew what he should say but he couldn't say those words. Not those words."I care about you so much," he says instead.

Newt feels like a fraud. An absolute fraud. He’s going to lose Thomas because of three damn words.

But Thomas, pure and good, just hugs him tighter and brushes his lips against Newt’s temple. "I love you so fucking much, Newt."

Newt swears it would hurt less if he was stabbed with a knife. He wants to say those words to Thomas but he physically can’t. He just… he can’t. He blinks and he feels tears running down his cheeks. "Ditto," he says back.

Thomas kisses his temple again and takes a half step back. “Hey,” his voice is gentle and soft padded thumbs reach up and brush away the tears. “Don’t cry. We both know I’m the crier in the relationship. We can’t have two criers. It’ll upset the balance.”

“Sorry,” sniffs Newt in a voice that isn’t quite a laugh and isn't quite a sob. Thomas gives him one of those impossibly soft smiles and he brushes Newt’s hair back behind his ear.

Thomas killed a man for him today. Thomas loves him. Actually loves him and yet… Newt can’t say those words back.

“Okay,” says Thomas. “We better head back and I’ll talk to Vince.”

Newt gives him a watery smile and wipes his eyes again and takes a shaky breath. He doesn’t want to look like he’s been crying. “Do I look okay?” he asks.

Thomas smiles warmly at him and his heart swells as he looks at Newt and he says the one thing that comes to his mind every time he looks at the man he loves. “You look perfect.”

**

33 days after the night in the Last City

The Safe Haven

Newt sinks back into his chair as soon as they end the call with Teresa.

This is actually happening. Thomas is alive. He's really alive and they are going to go save him. He'll have his Tommy back tomorrow night. This time tomorrow Thomas will be in his arms. He can almost feel him. Smell him.

Newt swears his heart is going to bounce straight out of his chest.

"Okay," says Minho. "We will pack and gather whatever shit we need and we leave in an hour. Brenda, come with me to the armoury and we will gather weapons, Jorge and Vince can get the berg ready. Gally get together a big bag of medical supplies. Whatever we have. If what they’ve done to Thomas is like what they did to me… only worse… then… then we’re gonna need everything we’ve got. Fry can you-"

"I'll pack some food and water," says Fry, talking over Minho. "I'll whip up a batch of my corn fritters. They're Thomas's favourites."

Newt smiles. "He'll love that, Fry."

"Anything for my boy," says Fry. "Meet y'all at the berg."

Frypan races out of the homestead quickly followed by Gally, Jorge and Vince.

On shaky legs Newt stands. "I'll ummm," he starts. "I'll pack some clothes and blankets and stuff like that."

Minho nods and that’s the only acknowledgement Newt gets. "Come on Brenda," he says. "Let's go."

Minho storms out of the homestead and Brenda looks after him before looking back to Newt. She bites her lip. "What you said to him before the call," she starts.

"I know," says Newt. "I'll talk to him."

Brenda gives him a small smile before following Minho. She stops at the door and looks back at Newt. "Just for the record, what happened that night wasn't Minho's fault but it wasn't yours either."

"I know it wasn't Minho's fault," says Newt. "I shouldn't have said that."

Brenda frowns at him. "And it wasn't your fault either," she says again.

Newt just stares at her. "I-

"Brenda?" calls Minho. "Come on!"

"It's not your fault, Newt," she says one more time before running after Minho.

Newt runs his hand through his hair. "Everything that happened that night was my fault," he says. "Everything."

***

About a half an hour later Newt is in his hut packing. He’s throwing all of Thomas’s favourite things into a bag. He’s gone through hell the past few weeks and if having his favourite jumper or favourite pair of socks could even help a little then Newt figures that’s a win.

He scans his hut to see if he’s missed anything but he doesn’t think he has. He looks at his bed and thinks about how soon it will be their bed and his heart swells. He thinks back to the day Thomas first told him he loves him and that he was his home and he smiles at the memory. “You’re my home too, Tommy,” he whispers.

There’s a knock on his door and Newt turns to see Minho leaning against the doorframe. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” says Minho. “Are you almost ready?”

Newt zips up his bag. “Yeah,” he says.

Minho nods and moves to walk away.

“Wait,” says Newt. He bites his lip. “What I said back there… I… I don’t blame you for that night. I don’t blame you for anything, Minho.”

Minho sighs. “I blame me,” he says.

“You shouldn’t.”

“You know, back during that first night. The night in the mall after Thomas told us about… about what WCKD were doing to the other Immunes I told him I didn’t want to end up like that and he did everything he could to try and make sure I didn’t yet I just… I… I left him there. I knew what they were going to do to him. I knew and I just… I left him behind. What kinda friend does that make me? He did everything he could to break me out of that shucking place and in return I just left him there.”

Newt doesn’t know what to say.

“The things they did to me in there, Newt. The things Teresa oversaw them do to me… And they are putting Thomas through even worse? I just… I knew what WCKD was capable of and I walked out of that place without Thomas and I just…”

Minho sits down on the corner of Newt’s bed facing slightly away from him. “They have this drug… they call it fear serum. It conjures up these fake scary memories in your head and it’s like… it’s like you’re actually there. They feel so real. All of it felt so real.”

“What did they show you?”

Minho sighs and looks at his hands. He’s quiet for so long that Newt doesn’t think he’s going to answer him. “The glade mostly,” he says finally. “I’d be running through the maze like I used to every day and then grievers would be chasing me and they’d sting me or sometimes it was that night in the mall with the cranks and I’d get tackled and bitten or you and the others would or…” he trails off and takes a deep breath. “Once they showed me that morning in the maze. The morning I found you, only… I didn’t get to you in time.”

Newt is speechless. “Minho, I-”

“I have nightmares most nights of the visions they showed me but I’ve nightmares about leaving Thomas there too and knowing that that’s the kinda shit they’re doing to him. Only… I know the visions WCKD showed me aren’t real but me leaving Thomas behind to that fate? That’s fucking real and I actually did that. He risked his life to save me and I just… I left him behind. How am I supposed to move on from that Newt?”

Newt looks at his feet. He knew Minho felt guilty about that night, of course he did but he didn’t know his guilt ran so deep. Minho blamed himself for what happened that night just as much as Newt did and that thought is like a dagger to Newt’s heart.

Newt sighs. “I made him promise me that we would get you out of the place,” he says. “Whatever the cost.”

“The cost shouldn’t have been him though,” says Minho. “I wasn’t… I’m not worth all of this.”

Newt drops his bag onto the floor and stomps over to Minho and throws his arms around his neck. His heart is breaking all over again. “Don’t ever say that,” he says. “Don’t ever say you weren’t worth this.”

“Newt, I-”

“You’re my best friend, Min,” says Newt with his head still buried against Minho’s shoulder. “I’d have died out there in that city that night if it meant you got out. You’re the best friend I ever could have asked for so don’t think for one second that you weren’t worth this because you are. You are worth it, mate. You’re worth it to me and you’re worth it to Tommy too.”

Newt feels Minho’s arms envelop him deeper into the hug. “I’m sorry,” he says and sniffs. “I’m sorry that things happened this way.”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for, okay?” says Newt. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Okay,” says Minho. “Sorry.”

Newt laughs and pulls away from the hug and sits with Minho on the edge of his bed. “Stop saying sorry, you shank.”

Minho gives him a lopsided smile. “That only makes me wanna say it more.”

Newt hugs him again and Minho squeezes him hard. “You give the world’s worst hugs, Min.”

“Well,” says Minho, purposely squeezing him even tighter. “Lover boy will be back soon and I’ll be getting zero Newt action so gotta get the hugs in now.”

“I’ll still give you hugs, Minho,” says Newt.

Minho finally releases him from the death grip. “Nah,” he scoffs. “I’m not gonna be your sloppy seconds. I’ve got standards.”

Newt laughs and picks back up his bag. “Whatever you say, shank.”

Minho claps his hands together and stands up. “Right, to the berg! Let’s get Newtmas back together again!”

“Jesus Christ, Min,” says Newt. “Stop fucking calling us Newtmas.”

“Never,” says Minho with a wink before smiling at Newt throwing his arm around the blond’s shoulders and singing loudly “I will go down with this ship.”

***

The WCKD compound

Teresa and Ava walk in silence towards the lab. Teresa can’t believe how close she was to getting caught coming out of the comms room by Ava and she doesn’t even know how she would have begun trying to explain that.

"I was making my way up the ranks in WCKD when Thomas was first brought in, do you remember the day he first came to WCKD?"

Teresa isn't sure where this is going but she just nods.

"His father caught the flare," says Ava. "He developed the symptoms quickly and turned before Thomas's mother even realised he was ill. Her and Thomas came home from doing the grocery shopping and he just attacked them. Thomas's mother was able to beat her husband away but not before he had bitten her and Thomas.

Teresa feels a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Thomas's father was taken away and... dealt with," continues Ava. "And Thomas was tested and it was discovered he was immune to the flare. His mother tested positive for the virus and she surrendered him to our care and his mother passed soon afterwards."

Teresa looks down at her hands. She knew all of the kids who came to WCKD had lost their parents in some way and she knew others had been stolen but it was horrible to think that Thomas had been orphaned at such a young age.

"In those days we had many doctors at WCKD and each of us were assigned our own children to care for. I was assigned to Thomas."

“He was such a bright kid, even at five. He was so far ahead of all the other children. I always knew he was special. Always. I prided myself in not getting attached to the children but Thomas… well it’s hard not to love him really.”

Teresa feels a hopeful spark ignite inside her. She always knew Thomas was Ava’s favourite. She’d never been good at hiding it. If she could just convince her that they had taken enough from him and that it would be best to let him go then their mission tomorrow night would run a lot smoother. They wouldn’t have to sneak around and they wouldn’t have to risk anyone getting hurt. Teresa opens her mouth to speak but Ava starts speaking again first.

“Thomas seemed to really care about the work we were doing and he asked me questions all the time, some of them about work but mostly he just wanted to get to know me. He wanted to know my favourite colour or my favourite book or if I had any pets. He used to give me a hug in the mornings and at night time. He always asked me how my day had gone,” Ava smiles softly to herself. “He was a very affectionate child. I grew to really care about him and spending time with him was always the highlight of my day. I always knew he was special.”

“I-” begins Teresa.

“But I never imagined he was the actual cure,” says Ava. “All those years he was just there. I think the exposure to the maze and trying to save his friends is what triggered that part of him that made him different from the other Immunes. I can’t help but think what could have happened if we had just put him up into the maze in one of the first batches of kids. We could have had the cure years ago.”

The spark of hope in Teresa dims at her words. “But you wouldn’t have been able to spend time with him,” she says. Her words sound weak and childish even to her but she can’t help but to say them.

Ava sighs. “Maybe so,” she says. “But as much as I loved spending time with him I made an oath to find a cure, Teresa. I made an oath to find a way to end this. I didn’t make an oath to make friends.”

And there it is. The last sliver of hope that Teresa had been clinging onto that Ava would stop this. That Ava would see sense. That Ava would let Thomas go flickers out. Deep down Ava was just as cold hearted and meticulous as Janson; she just hid it behind manicured nails and a soft voice.

She’d have sentenced Thomas to a life of torture when he was five years old if she thought it would have found WCKD a damn cure.

Teresa hates her. She hates her and Janson so much. She hates them both. As soon as they release Thomas for the night she’s going to take him back to his dorm and get him settled and then she’s going to go and work on taking down all the security details in the whole building. She’s going to find weapons too because fuck it. Janson is going to have her killed for helping Thomas escape, she knows that but she will cause as much chaos as she can before that bastard can put a bullet between her eyes.

They’ve almost reached the lab when they start to hear sirens and Ava’s walkie goes off.

“Doctor Paige? Doctor Paige?” asks one of the doctors down the line. Teresa can hear the sirens in the background of the call even more loudly. “Doctor Paige we have upped the dosage of fear serum on the subject and he’s… he’s reacted very badly. You better get down here.”

Ava says something to the doctor but Teresa doesn’t hear it because she’s racing down the corridor towards the lab. She can’t lose him now. Not now. Not when the others are coming. Thomas can’t give up now.

He just can’t.

“Please, Tom,” she whispers as she runs. “Don’t give up now. Please.”

Teresa reaches the lab and pushes open the door.

Chapter Text

50 days before the night in the Last City

“Here’s hoping we’ve better luck with this street,” says Thomas as he and Newt walk hand in hand into the cul de sac.

They are in an abandoned neighbourhood on a scavenging mission for food and supplies. They’ve been looking all morning and so far have found absolutely nothing. Most of the houses on this street have very likely been thoroughly picked through by now as well but even if they could go back to Vince and the others with some clothes and tins of food that would be considered a win. It has been very slim pickings for a while now.They have spent the last three weeks eating stale bread and questionable powdered food from paper packets.

Newt looks around at the houses. It looks like it used to be a nice place to live. The kind of neighbourhood you’d see in all those cutesy suburban books, two storey red brick homes with wooden doors and white picket fences. There’s a large children’s play area towards the back of the street with swings and a jungle gym and even a large field with goalposts at either end. Newt sighs. It’s hard to believe there was once a time when families lived in all of these houses and kids ran around in the playground and played football.

Thomas rubs a pattern over Newt’s knuckles and Newt looks down at their joined hands and smiles ruefully. He wonders if in another life he and Thomas could live in a house like the ones on this street. Sleeping in on Sundays and eating breakfast in bed, going for bike rides and walking their dog in the park before curling up on the couch together and reading books and playing with each other’s hair. Newt often finds himself thinking of the life he and Thomas could both be living if they’d found each other at a different time, in a different world, one that wasn’t completely controlled by WCKD.

But Newt doesn’t live in that world.

He lives in this one.

Newt thinks he could live anywhere as long as he has Thomas by his side. Although… The warning sirens still blare in his head whenever he thinks about Thomas in that way. It’s been about three months since the day Thomas told him he loves him and he’s said it to him many times a day ever since but Newt still can’t bring himself to say the words back.

Newt shakes his head as if it will rid the sirens from his brain but it never does.

“Just pick a house at random?” asks Thomas.

Newt sighs. “Doubt we will find anything anyway.”

Thomas nudges his shoulder. “It’s absolutely your positive vibes that attracts me to you the most.”

“You’re a fucking asshole sometimes,” snaps back Newt but he barely holds back his smile.

“Also your poetic language,” teases Thomas. “Clearly your two best traits.”

Newt slaps his arm and Thomas throws his head back and laughs.

It’s times like this when his boyfriend’s loud laughter echoes around an empty street that Newt is reminded that Thomas is just a kid really. He seems to have aged ten years since the day he came up in that box but in reality he can’t be more than about nineteen maybe twenty tops. He gives so much of himself every day to helping others and trying to find Minho and Newt knows that Thomas would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat if it meant the others would be safe and that notion frightens Newt more than he could ever explain.

So Newt enjoys these moments when Thomas is playful and allows himself to just be a kid. He’s stunning when he’s happy. He’s grown his hair out a bit in the last few weeks and it is longer now sticking out in all directions and it curls slightly in the humidity. It really suits him and Newt loves it. The long days spent out in the sun have also suited him as Thomas doesn’t burn he tans because of course he does. Newt goes tomato red even looking at a photo of the sun never mind being outside all day but Thomas just gets that golden beach body glow and Newt is so jealous of him but damn he’s beautiful to look at. His messy hair, sun kissed skin and perfect smile light up Newt’s world. There’s nothing he’d rather look at and Newt feels all mushy inside just thinking that.

“Newt?”

Newt wakes from his thoughts and is met with the concerned gaze of Thomas. His maple syrup eyes are glistening in the sun.

Newt could lose himself in those eyes and damn he’d never want to be found again. “What?” he asks without having a clue what Thomas just said.

Thomas smiles. “I said do you wanna try that house?” he points to a house across the street.

Embarrassed that he’s been caught staring at him, Newt nods, blushes and walks on quickly still holding Thomas’s hand and dragging the boy along with him. Thomas laughs again and the sound makes Newt blush an even deeper red. He cannot believe the effect Thomas has on him.

The playful mood dissipates as they approach the house slowly. Weapons poised in their free hands. The front door is ajar and Thomas nudges it open with his foot and they freeze for a second.

No sign of life or danger.

Thomas shoulders into the house being mindful to keep Newt behind him. Newt knows the dumb shank is trying to protect him and it annoys and charms him in an equal measure.

The house is clear.

They wander through the house quietly and cautiously. It’s obvious that this house used to belong to a family. There’s children’s toys scattered on the floor and multiple pairs of shoes of different sizes by the front door. Thomas finds a dusty old canvas bag in a drawer and puts the shoes inside before swinging the bag over his shoulder and entering the next room. Newt thinks it a bit morbid that they are taking dead people’s things but he also knows it’s a necessary part of living in their world but it doesn’t stop the whole adventure from leaving a sour taste in his mouth.

There’s not much in the living room. Newt spots that the footrest on the couch is still up and there’s a bowl of rotten long decayed food in a bowl on the table. Whoever used to live here had to leave in such a hurry they hadn’t had the chance to kick back the footrest or even get their shoes from the door and that thought sends a spark of fear through Newt.

He looks over to Thomas who has picked something up from the floor. It’s a tattered and obviously once very loved teddy bear.

“Whoever lived here didn’t even have a chance to pack anything before they had to leave,” says Thomas sadly. He’s stroking the teddy’s face softly. “They couldn’t even take this little guy with them.”

Thomas astonishes Newt. He doesn’t understand how the same boy who is lethal with a firearm and would shoot down WCKD soldiers without a second thought can stand in front of him now holding a dead kid’s old teddy bear and grieve for people he never even met. And when Thomas puts the teddy in his bag with the promise that he will find someone new to look after him something inside of Newt melts.

Thomas crosses the room and takes Newt’s hand again before brushing a kiss at his temple. “Come on,” he whispers. “Let’s see what else we can find.”

It’s slim pickings through the bedrooms in the house but they do find a few candles, batteries and towels and a pair of Ray Bans which Thomas instantly puts on and Newt wonders what he ever did in a past life to end up with the kind of dork who wears sunglasses indoors.

"Whatcha think?" Thomas asks, turning to face him grinning broadly. "Am I even more handsome?"

Newt can't help but smile. "You're an idiot."

Thomas puts his hands on Newt's hips and brushes his nose against Newt's own. "A handsome idiot?"

“A slightly handsome idiot,” says Newt, capturing Thomas’s lips with his for a soft kiss.

Thomas smiles against his mouth. “I’m your incredibly handsome idiot.”

Newt’s laugh is lost as Thomas deepens the kiss. He gently nudges Newt backwards until his back is flush with the wall and Newt hums into his mouth. He slides his tongue past Thomas’s lips and his heart flutters at the moan it draws from him. The sunglasses poke Newt a bit in the face but as he feels Thomas’s hand roam upwards cupping the back of his head and his fingers threading through his hair he finds he doesn’t mind. Thomas’s other hand is on his shoulder pinning him against the wall. Newt’s own hands trail down Thomas’s back pulling him closer still until he finds his ass and because he’s feeling brave and because he loves the shade of rosy pink it’ll turn Thomas’s cheeks he gives his ass a squeeze.

Thomas laughs against Newt’s mouth. “Behave,” he breathes and that single word lights a fire in Newt’s stomach. After what feels like forever but also not long enough Thomas breaks the kiss. He takes a half a step back and the sunglasses are askew and it makes him look utterly adorable and Newt's heart sings just looking at him. He leans back in and pecks Newt’s lips quickly twice and rests his forehead against Newt’s gently. “I love you,” says Thomas, his voice soft.

The feeling of warmth that had been flowing through Newt is suddenly replaced by a different one.

Guilt.

Newt pushes it down and tries not to think about how he still hasn’t said those words back. Newt kisses him again. Those words are just not in his vocabulary and he cannot say them... He just can’t. “Ditto,” he says instead.

Thomas’s smile is warm as he finally pulls back from Newt. His hand finds Newt’s and he intertwines their fingers. "If I knew sunglasses would make me irresistible to you I'd have got a pair weeks ago."

Newt leans in and kisses him again and Thomas’s hands find his hips once more. It takes all of Newt’s strength to try and focus on why they are in this house in the first place and he pulls back. "Let's keep looking, yeah?"

Thomas whines against his cheek, "I'd much rather kiss you," he says as he trails kisses over Newt's jaw and Newt thinks it’s probably not healthy for the human body to blush this much.

"I'd much rather kiss you too but if we go back to Vince with only some shoes, a few candles, towels, batteries, an old teddy bear and a pair of Ray Bans I don't think he will be impressed."

Thomas rolls his eyes behind the glasses before taking them off and folding them into the collar of his shirt. "Bold of you to assume I'd hand these puppies over."

Newt gives him a playful shove. "Let's keep looking for more shit then."

Thomas sighs. "Gotta keep the boss man happy," he says as he kisses Newt softly once more before crossing the room and rummaging through one of the wardrobes they haven't checked yet.

Newt grimaces at Thomas’s comment. He knows Vince has been a bit of a pain in the arse recently especially since Joe died but he also understands where the older man is coming from. There’s almost a hundred kids back in their base now and that’s a lot of mouths to feed and take care of. The train heist they are planning to execute in about seven weeks or so is the last excursion Vince plans to help with. After that he says the ship to take them to the Safe Haven should be ready and he can’t ask the survivors to hold out much longer. Thomas argues that they didn’t spend the last five months fighting just to give up now and honestly Newt gets both arguments. He just hopes that it doesn’t come to a point where their friends have to choose if they are going to follow Vince or Thomas.

Newt watches Thomas as he reaches into the wardrobe and pulls out a box. Newt sighs before he opens a door off from the master bedroom and finds the ensuite. There are a few more towels in here and when he opens the cabinet under the sink he finds two multipacks of toothbrushes, a couple of tubes of toothpaste, a box of tampons and some bars of soap. All of the products in here are well in date and Newt thinks the family must have stocked up on everything not long before they were forced to leave without being able to take any of it with them.

He stands back up and opens the cabinet above the sink and finds a couple of bottles of pain killers and other medications that the adults in this house must have been trying to keep out of reach of the children. He’s throwing everything into his bag when a couple of items in the cabinet catch his eyes. It’s a box of condoms and a bottle of lube.

Newt freezes.

Thomas and Newt have been sharing a mattress for pretty much the entire time they have been together but in the couple of months they’ve been dating they’ve only ever kissed and snuggled up in bed and apart from some pretty heated make out sessions their relationship has been relatively PG. They’ve talked about sex before but Thomas said he didn’t feel ready for it yet and that was okay. Newt didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all. Newt picks up the condoms and lube and just like everything else in the cabinet they are in date.

“Take them,” says a voice behind him and Newt jumps so violently he drops everything to the floor.

As Thomas’s loud laughter echoes through the room and Newt tries to calm his pounding heart he thinks they will never need the condoms or lube because he will kill Thomas for sneaking up on him like that.

Thomas bends down and picks them up from the floor before slipping them into the hidden back pocket on his backpack. He stands back up and Newt can see he’s gone a little pink in his cheeks.

“You don’t have to take them,” says Newt. “We can leave them behind.”

Thomas shrugs. “No,” he says. “We should take them. I’m not… I’m not sure I’m ready yet but they’ll be good to have for when we are, right?”

Newt smiles. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, they will.”

“Anyway,” says Thomas, still blushing. “Look what I found in the wardrobe and he pulls a polaroid camera from his bag. “Do you think this works?”

Newt rolls his eyes as he does one final sweep of the bathroom but he’s taken everything worth taking. “You do realise we can’t eat a camera, fuel a jeep with a camera, wear a camera or kill WCKD guards with one right?”

Thomas waves a dismissive hand in Newt’s general direction as he fiddles with the camera in the doorway.

Newt sighs and walks past him and leaves the master bedroom to go back down to the kitchen. Thomas trails after him like a puppy and plays with the camera all the way down the stairs.

The kitchen is reasonably stocked too and Newt quickly finds bags of dried pasta and some tins of soup and peaches and he thinks today couldn’t have gone much better if they tried. He turns to see what Thomas has found in the cupboards but when he looks up the idiot is still messing with the camera.

“Shucking hell Tommy,” he says. “Would you put that damn thing down and help m-”

There’s a flash.

The damn fool took a photo of him.

“You did not just fucking take a photo of me,” he says.

Thomas pulls the photo from the camera and studies it. Within seconds the dark print begins to develop. “That’s amazing,” says Thomas as if he’s just been shown a magic trick.

Newt can feel his rage building. Thomas is really bloody lucky he’s cute.

He closes the distance between them to snatch the photo but Thomas is faster.

He’s always bloody faster.

“Nope,” says Thomas as he dodges away from Newt. Thomas takes a couple of backwards steps and looks down at the photo again before throwing his head back in laughter.

Newt’s shoulder slump. “What?”

Thomas is laughing so hard he can barely speak with tears in his eyes he turns the photo around so Newt can see.

Thomas is a lot of things but a photographer isn;t one of them. He captured Newt mid scowl and in the sunlit kitchen you can very clearly see the icy glare he’s cutting Thomas as he was telling him to put the damn camera away.

“Does my face really look like that when I’m angry?”

“I’ve definitely had that exact face directed at me enough times that I can say yes for sure,” Thomas replies as he pockets the photo.

“You’re not keeping it,” says Newt.

“Of course I am,” says Thomas he closes the distance between them and bumps his forehead against Newt’s. “What if I get in trouble and you’re not around to scowl at me, I might need to see your angry face to remind me how stupid I am.”

“I don’t think you need a reminder about that,” says Newt, capturing Thomas’s lips with his own for a soft kiss.

Thomas smiles against his mouth. “I love you,” he says again, his voice marshmallow soft.

Newt hears those all too familiar sirens. “Ditto,” he says.

Thomas is still smiling as he finally pulls back from Newt. His hand finds Newt’s and he intertwines their fingers.

“Newt?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s still one photo left in the camera, can we… Can we take a photo together?”

Newt smiles. “Your ugly shuck face might break the camera.”

Thomas shrugs, already reaching for the camera on the kitchen counter. “You always say the nicest things, babe.”

Newt makes a fake gagging noise at the pet name. “Don’t call me babe, shank.”

“I promise I’ll never call you that again if you take a photo with me?” He flashes Newt the puppy dog eyes he knows he can’t resist.

Newt sighs. “Okay but then we really need to start looking through this kitchen. I dunno about you but I don’t want another lecture from Vince about how we shouldn’t be messing about on scouting missions.”

“Pffff,” shrugs Thomas. “He’ll never know.”

“There’s literally going to be photographic evidence of it, Tommy.”

“Can we please just take the photo when the lighting is still good please?” says Thomas and he pouts at Newt like a literal child. Newt hates how easily this dork can wear him down.

“Fine,” says Newt. “Come here.”

Thomas shuffles in close to Newt. He wraps an arm around him as his other arm stretches out to hold the camera. Newt looks up at the lens and the ridiculousness of it all gets to him and he starts to laugh just as he feels Thomas lean in and kiss his cheek and click the shutter.

The bastard did not just take a photo of him kissing his cheek.

Thomas, as if sensing his life is in danger, races away from him to the otherside of the kitchen.

“You did not just kiss me and take a photo of it.” Newt is about ready to rip the photo into pieces.

“Gotta wait for it to develop and find out,” says Thomas, pulling the picture from the camera and giving him a lopsided grin. The grin is enough to make Newt want to tear Thomas apart too.

Newt shakes his head, takes a deep breath and turns away from him going back to one of the kitchen cupboards. “Well you got your damn photo now,” he says snappily. “So are you going to help me with this or?”

Thomas is staring at the photo in his hands. He’s looking down at it and to Newt the smile on his face is beautiful. Ethereal even. Any anger Newt felt floats away. Newt thinks at that moment that he doesn’t need a camera to capture that smile because a view like that is so perfect he’ll see Thomas’s face every time he closes his eyes until the day he dies.

“Look at us,” says Thomas, holding up the photo to Newt.

Newt takes the photo and looks at it. The picture captures Newt staring into the camera. His blond hair is golden in the soft light and his dark eyes pop in the sunlight. The camera picked up on the redness on his nose and cheeks from the sun and his lips are plump and full from kissing Thomas. Newt feels his smile looks like a genuine one, not just a staged one for the camera but he can’t take his eyes off Thomas.

He’s truly beautiful.

His dark hair is tousled in all the right ways, his tanned skin is glowing and the splash of moles and freckles glitter his cheek like stars in the sky. He’s smiling broadly as he kisses Newt’s cheek and the light captures the depth of that gorgeous dimple that only shows when he’s really and truly smiling.

The kitchen behind them is slightly in shadow but they stand out golden in the picture. It's like they are the only two people who matter in a colourless world.

If the world is in black and white then he and Thomas are screaming colour.

The photo is perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

“Tommy,” he breathes finally. “This is… this is beautiful.”

“We look pretty damn good together, don’t we?”

Newt looks up at him. What did he ever do to deserve to have this boy in his life? This perfectly charming cleverest person yet dumbest shank he’s ever met, how is he lucky enough to not only have him here but that Thomas wants him too?

He wants to tell him. He itches to tell him how he feels, how he really feels but the words don’t come. They never come. There’s something deep inside him holding him back from ever saying those three words to Thomas.

And every day he’s worried he’ll lose Thomas because he can’t say those three little words.

He looks back down at the photo in his hands. What if he loses Thomas and all he has is this photo?

Newt feels like he’s gone from soaring high to being in a pit of despair in a matter of seconds.

“Now,” says Thomas as he begins to delve into one of the cupboards. “Get back to work, can’t let me be the one that has to break it to Vince that you were slacking off.”

Newt strokes his thumb over Thomas’s face in the photo before putting it in his breast pocket. “You’re a dickhead,” he says as he begins to rummage through one of the drawers beside the cooker and tries to ignore the thoughts of losing Thomas.

“You love me really,” says Thomas looking up and winking at him.

Newt doesn’t say a thing. He can’t.

***
33 days after the night in the Last City

The Berg

Newt is sitting on the floor of the berg with a blanket over his knees. They are about three hours into their journey and the thought that with every second that passes they are a little closer to Thomas is quite overwhelming.

Brenda and Jorge are up front piloting the berg and speaking to each other in whispered Spanish. Vince is sorting through some weapons. Gally is sprawled across one of the benches asleep and Fry is thankfully for once in his life snoring quietly.

Newt wishes he could sleep but he can’t. They are so close to Thomas but still too damn far away. He’d give anything just to see his face again right now. He pulls the photo out from his pocket. It’s got a little tattered around the edges but Tommy’s image still shines perfectly. Newt strokes his thumb over Thomas’s face and thinks soon he’ll be able to hold him. His Tommy and not just a photo of him. He can feel the tears threatening to fall again.

“I cannot believe you had photographic evidence of Newtmas all this time and didn’t show it to me.”

Newt jumps at the voice and looks up to see Minho looking down at him. He sits down beside him and reaches out for the photo. “May I see?” he asks.

Newt holds the photo away from him. “Only if you stop fucking calling us Newtmas.”

Minho simply pouts. “You’re no fun,” he says. “Show me the photo, Newt, come on.”

Newt sighs and passes it over.

Minho looks down at it and smiles. He really smiles and it ignites a warmth in Newt’s chest he hasn’t felt in weeks.

“I can’t believe he took a photo of you guys as he was kissing your cheek. This is the same shank who squashed a griever after being in the glade for about five minutes. Who knew he could be such a cheesy dork.”

Newt wipes his eyes. “He was so bloody excited when he found that damn camera. When he took the photo I was livid.”

Minho laughs a rare sound these days and Newt loves to hear it.

“I wanted to tear it up right there and then when he took it but… The hell with him anyway we just looked so cute.”

Minho smiles as he hands the photo back. “You did.”

Newt strokes the photo again. He thinks of how happy they both were in that moment and then he thinks about how it all fell apart. “I wish that night in the city never happened.”

“He saved your life, Newt,” says Minho genty. “He sacrificed himself to save you.”

Newt studies the photo for a long moment, his thumb strokes Thomas’s face. “It just doesn’t seem like a fair trade.”

“He thought it was.”

“He is an idiot.”

Minho wraps an arm around Newt’s shoulder. “True that, but he’s your idiot.”

They sit in a comfortable silence. Minho with his arm around Newt’s shoulder and Newt leaning into his warmth. Minho has always had this amazing ability to calm Newt down without saying a word. Just being with the other boy makes him feel safe.

“Hey,” says Minho. “Could you tell me more about what you remember from before the maze?”

Newt sighs. “Okay.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” says Minho.

"No, I want to," says Newt as pockets the photo and begins to pull at a loose thread on the sleeve of his coat and leans in a little heavier against Minho. “I remember… I remember…”

"Remember what?"

"Thomas," says Newt simply.

"Tell me what you remember."

“I told you that we shared a room with Alby and Fry, right?”

Minho nods. “Did Thomas share a room with us too?”

Newt shakes his head. “No, Tommy was in another part of the building. The programmers like him and the subjects like us lived on completely different floors. We didn’t even meet him for the first couple of years. They kept him and Teresa isolated from everyone else. As I told you, we used to break out of our room most nights, us two and Alby and just go exploring and one night we decided to explore the higher floors and we bumped into Tommy and Teresa. After that we met up almost every night.”

“We willingly hung out with Teresa?”

Newt laughs. “She was different when we were kids,” he says.

“Gonna have to just take your word for that I suppose,” says Minho nonchalantly. “What was Thomas like?”

“An idiot.”

“Good to see his character has developed a lot over the years.”

Newt scoffs. “We all met up for months, there were some nights you guys didn’t want to but I met up with Tommy every night even if it was just the two of us. We used to hang out in his room a lot.”

“That in no way surprises me,” says Minho.

“He was the first person that I ever told that I’m gay,” says Newt. “I was really scared about telling him but I remember he just hugged me and said that it was fantastic because he liked girls but he liked boys too”

Minho smiles. "Nothing subtle about the Greenie at all, is there?"

Newt shakes his head no. "He was my first kiss," he says. "We were playing some stupid would you rather game and I asked him would he rather his first kiss was with a boy or a girl and he… He just kissed me then and there and Minho I… I just… melted. And the cocky little bastard just says. 'Does that answer your question?'"

Minho throws his head back and laughs so loudly that both Gally and Fry stir in their sleep. "What a legend," he says. "Always knew the dumb shank wasn't that dumb at all."

"We started dating after that," says Newt. "Well as much as you can date when you're like a teenager. I was so fucking happy, Min. So happy. Tommy was… well he was perfect, y'know? Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever needed. It was perfect. It was all perfect. He told me he loved me and I loved him. I loved him so much. I loved everything about him. When I was with Tommy I felt I was with someone who could never ever hurt me. I loved him so fucking much Minho. Until…"

"The maze," says Minho.

"The maze," says Newt with a nod.

This is the most honest Minho has ever heard Newt speak. “And Thomas was part of the other side.”

Newt nods again. “I couldn’t believe he was willingly part of it, he was sending us up into this death trap and watching it on screens every day and then hanging out with me each night as if nothing was happening,” Newt runs his hand through his hair. “Every night I would go to him and tell him how much I missed my friends and how worried I was that I’d be next and every night he held me and kissed me and comforted me and told me he loved me and yet he was part of it.”

Newt is an emotional person and he feels things deeply but he rarely actually talks about it. Minho feels he has to tread softly here because even though Newt's memory was wiped before he came to the Glade, whatever happened between him and Thomas beforehand had hurt him badly. He’d kept that hurt with him even if he couldn’t remember why he was hurt in the first place and now that he had those memories back… Minho had to be careful.

Obviously Minho knows Thomas was on the other side of it when they were younger. He knows that as he and others were fighting for their lives in the Glade that Thomas was behind a screen somewhere watching them all. He feels sick if he thinks about it too much. He doesn’t want to think about that version of Thomas anymore. That Thomas isn’t his Thomas. That isn’t the Thomas who ran into the maze to save him and Alby, who broke them out of the Maze and of the WCKD compound, who led them through the scorch, who fought for six months to break him out of WCKD and sacrificed himself in the process. The two versions of Thomas don’t align in his head and Minho feels there’s something he doesn’t know about Thomas working for WCKD.

"The weeks after you were sent up were horrible,” says Newt. “I was absolutely devastated. One afternoon I skipped classes and I went to find Thomas and… I found him sitting in this control room looking at screens showing the maze and all of you and that's when I found out how heavily involved he was in it all. We fought and I said some really horrible things to him. I told him… I told him that… I told him I hated him,” Newt pauses for a minute. “I always saw him as someone who could never ever hurt me and he shattered me into pieces, Minho.”

"Newt-"

"I brought that hurt with me into the maze," he says as he echoes Minho’s own thoughts. "Funny that. I went up in that box not even remembering my own name but that heartbreak stuck with me. I couldn't shake it off. When Alby and I were together… I was so happy with him, Minho but I could… I could never allow myself to… to love him. I just couldn't. It was like I knew I'd been hurt badly before and I couldn't let that happen again but the thing is I tried so hard not to get hurt myself that I hurt Alby and then… Then when we got back together I hurt Thomas too… And the-the worst thing is that… that…"

"Jorge and I were thinking that we should probably park the berg about a mile from the facility so we aren't spotted we-" Brenda stops talking as she looks down at Minho and Newt huddled up on the berg floor. "Are you guys okay?"

"I'm fine," says Newt firmly. He folds his arm and sits up away from Minho and Minho knows that whatever Newt was about to say is long gone. No chance of him opening up now. "What were you saying about parking away from the facility?" asks Newt.

Brenda gives Minho an apologetic look for interrupting the conversation before sitting down cross-legged on the floor and explaining the plan she and Jorge came up with. Minho tries to listen to what Brenda is saying but his focus is solely on Newt. He has no idea what Newt was about to say but he knows it was important and he knows it has been haunting him since he woke up with his memories back.

Their mission may be to rescue Thomas from WCKD but Minho is determined to save Newt from his demons too.

**

The WCKD Compound

Newt is getting worse. The flare is spreading fast. Too fast. Thomas shares a look with Minho. They both know it.

They won't get back to the berg in time.

"Minho," says Thomas. "I want you to go back to the others and get the serum."

Minho looks doubtful.

"I'll cover you," says Gally, adjusting his hold on his launcher.

Minho still looks unsure.

"Please, Minho," says Thomas.

Minho looks at the way Thomas is holding Newt's hand and he nods. "Okay," he finally agrees. "Be right back."

He moves to get up but Newt reaches out to him. "Thank you, Minho," he says tiredly. "Thank you."

"Just don't die on me ya ugly shank," says Minho.

Newt smiles. "I'll try not to."

That's as reassuring a response as he's going to get and with one last sad look at Newt and Thomas he runs off with Gally.

Thomas watches them leave until they are safely out of sight before he turns his attention back to Newt.

Newt is spacing out; he's watching the sparks from the explosions with an almost childlike fascination. Thomas has to say his name three times before he hears him.

This shouldn't be happening. If Newt had just stayed with Gally when he was getting the serum… If Thomas had insisted. If they had just got out of the building quicker… If Thomas hadn't fought with Teresa. If Gally had taken a vial of the serum back with him… If Thomas had just thought to tell him to…

Newt is dying and it is all Thomas's fault.

"Newt?" He says. "Come on love, you have to get up."

Newt shakes his head.

"Newt," pleads Thomas as tries to get Newt up. "Come on, you can't give up on me now. Please."

Thomas shuffles in closer to Newt and puts an arm around his shoulders and hooks another under Newt's knees. With effort he manages to pick him up.

As he gets to his feet Newt groans and struggles in his arms and tries to move.

"Stay still," says Thomas. "I don't want to drop you."

Newt is clutching Thomas's shirt like his life depends on it.

"Don't leave me, Newt. Please. Just stay with me. We will get the serum soon."

Newt is heavier than he looks and Thomas has already ran through all over WCKD and throughout the city and he's tired but he's getting Newt to safety if it's the last thing he does.

He tries to keep Newt talking but his answers quickly go from monosyllabic to grunts to nothing at all.

Thomas stumbles through the broken door of the train station and adjusts his grip on Newt as he carries on. They are only about half a street away now.

They are going to make it.

Then Newt wakes up.

But it isn't Newt.

Crank Newt startles awake in Thomas's arms with a snarl.

"Newt wait it's only me-"

Newt punches Thomas on the side of his head and they both crash to the ground, Thomas hitting the concrete hard. His ears are ringing with the impact and his vision is dazed as Newt lands heavily on top of him winding him.

Newt growls loudly again and scratches and punches at Thomas with animalistic strength.

Thomas tries to hold Newt off. "Newt!" He screams. "You have to fight this, okay? This isn't you!"

"Tommy, kill me!" Screams Newt.

"What?"

Newt is clutching his head as if he's trying to fight what is happening in his brain. "I can't control this," he says. "I'll kill you if you don't kill me so kill me!"

Thomas manages to flip them and pins Newt underneath him. "I'm not going to kill you, Newt. Okay? Minho will be back with the serum any second you just have to hold-"

Newt blinks under him and his once brown eyes are black and bloodshot.

He kicks out at Thomas viciously and Thomas feels something snap near his knee and he topples over. Newt is on him in a second. "If you won't do it," snaps Newt. "I'll have to do it myself."

Newt pulls Thomas's knife from his belt and Thomas tries to take it from him. They wrestle over the blade.

"Just let me end this!" yells Newt. The virus surging through his system has made him stronger and faster. Newt is winning the fight for the knife but Thomas won't give up. "No!"

"I hate you! You only care about yourself. You never gave a shit about me Tommy! Never! Just let me die!"

"Newt, please," pleads Thomas, he makes another desperate grab for the knife and catches the blade cutting his palms on the sharp edge but he ignores the pain. The pain in his heart is worse than any cut from a knife could ever be. "I love you."

Newt laughs as he rips the knife from Thoma’s grasp, slashing his hands deeply. His eyes are completely black and he’s unrecognisable. Thomas can’t see the man he loves when he looks into his face. "Well if only someone loved you."

Newt stabs down harshly with the knife plunging the blade hard into the fleshy skin by Thomas’s armpit and Thomas yells out in pain.

Thomas kicks out and tries to throw Newt off of himself but crank Newt starts twisting the knife in his shoulder and Thomas’s world is white with pain. He’s never experienced hurt like this.

“This is all on you, Tommy,” hisses Newt as he twists the knife deeper still, Thomas is pretty sure the blade has gone through the other side of his shoulder. “All on you,” continues Newt. “It’s all your fault. Every person who has ever died because of WCKD… Everyone who ever will die. It’s all your fault.”

Thomas is shaking but he reaches up and tries to grab onto Newt’s jacket. “Ne-Newt… This-this is the flare talking… The serum is coming… You’re going to be okay… I promise… I promise.”

Newt laughs and it’s a horrible gurgling sound, black tar like blood drips down his chin. “Just like you promised Chuck you’d get him out of the maze? Or like you promised Minho he wouldn’t end up like WCKD’s other test subjects? Your promises mean jack shit,Tommy.”

Thomas stops kicking and lets the hand that was reaching for Newt drop to the tarmac. All the fight has left him entirely because Newt is right. Of course he’s right. “I’m sorry,” he breathes. “Newt, I’m so sorry.”

Newt stops pressing down on the knife and looks at Thomas and for a second Thomas thinks that it’s his Newt looking back at him but the moment is interrupted by thundering footsteps racing towards them.

Someone grabs hold of Newt to pull him off of Thomas and Newt in the same moment tears the knife from Thomas’s shoulder and plunges it into the stranger’s chest realising all too late that the stranger isn’t a stranger at all.

It’s Minho.

Thomas screams. He tries to sit up but Newt is still pinning him down.

Minho’s gaze drops to the blade in his chest before his eyes drop to Thomas and Newt. “Why?” he asks simply before he drops to the ground like a puppet that has had its strings cut. The vial of serum still in his hand.

He’s dead.

Thomas’s veins feel like they have been filled with ice. He stares at Minho’s body, willing him to sit up but he doesn’t. He looks back to Newt and it’s his Newt that is staring back at him. The once bloodshot black eyes are now tear filled chocolate brown ones. “Newt-

Newt pulls Thomas’s gun from his belt. “If you had just killed me like I asked you to then Minho would still be alive.”

“Newt-”

“You killed us both Thomas,” says Newt as he raises the gun to his own head and pulls the trigger.

All Thomas can do is scream.

When Teresa reenters the lab Thomas is screaming and thrashing hard in his restraints. The heart rate monitor he’s connected to is erratic showing readings that Teresa didn’t even think were possible. Thomas is pulling at the IVs in his arms and kicking at any of the doctors who come near him.

Teresa glances at the tray of medical equipment and spots a vial of a strong sedative. She reaches for it and fills a syringe and before anyone can stop her she plunges it into Thomas’s arm. Thomas’s wild thrashing finally calms and his body falls back limp on the trolley just as Ava finally enters the room.

Janson is practically about to explode but Ava raises her hand to silence him.

Teresa looks at Ava but she can’t read the look she is giving her. Teresa has no idea if Ava is proud of her for sedating Thomas or disgusted at her for ending the extraction prematurely.

Teresa opens her mouth to say something but Ava cuts over her.

“Just get him to his room Teresa, please,” she says tonelessly. “Make sure he’s comfortable and you may have the rest of the evening off to do as you wish. I have to speak with Mr Janson about what just happened.”

Janson rolls his eyes and turns away from them both.

Without saying another word Teresa begins to wheel Thomas out of the lab and back to his room. He’s breathing very raspily and his all too pale skin is covered in a sheen of sweat. His body won’t survive another round of the fear serum. Newt and the others can’t come soon enough.

“We’re going to get you out of here, Tom,” she whispers to him even though she knows he can’t hear her. She runs her hand through his hair. “We’re going to get you out. I promise.”

Chapter Text

5 Days before the night in The Last City

Thomas looks over the maps on the table in front of him. Different coloured pens and pencils marked out where everyone was expected to be for the plan to work.

They had everything worked out. Every last detail.

Thomas just has to pick the right train car.

He runs his hand through his hair and taps a rhythm with his nails on the table.

What if the train doesn't arrive? What if someone gets hurt? What if someone gets shot? What if Newt gets shot?

He undoes the top two buttons on his shirt suddenly feeling suffocated at that thought. What if they get Minho back but lose Newt in the process?

He wouldn't be able to live in a world without Newt. Losing Newt would be like losing a vital organ. His body would simply shut down. Newt is as much a part of Thomas as Thomas’s own legs or his arms or his heart. If he were to lose Newt he would lose a part of himself that he could never get back and he knows he wouldn’t survive it.

"The maps will still look the same in the morning y'know," says a sleepy voice as Thomas feels arms wrap around his middle from behind and the familiar weight of Newt’s chin rests on his shoulder.

"I couldn't sleep," says Thomas, leaning back and melting into Newt's touch.

"I know I woke up and your side of the mattress was cold," Newt kisses his now exposed neck. "You could have at least thrown your share of the blankets over me, ya git."

Thomas smiles and turns in Newt's arms so they are face to face. So close their noses brush and Thomas can smell the toothpaste off Newt's breath. "I'm so problematic," he says. His gaze flutters to Newt’s lips. "How do you put up with me?"

"You're just lucky you're cute," says Newt kissing the line of beauty marks on his cheek.
"Now do you care to explain to me why you're still awake at 3am?"

"Couldn't sleep," repeats Thomas as he turns back to look at the maps, putting his hands on the table.

"I'd figured that much out," says Newt, taking Thomas's hand in his own hand and kissing his knuckles. "Talk to me, Tommy. What's wrong?"

Thomas sighs. "What if this doesn't work?” He says. “What if we don't get Minho back? What if we lose someone? What if Jorge and Brenda are caught? What if-"

"Tommy," says Newt, his voice calm. "Just slow down, okay? We have put a lot of thought into this plan."

"But what if-"

"Love, would you just listen to me for a sec? If things go wrong they go wrong. All we can do is stick to the plan and hit and hope, okay? We can't doubt ourselves now. We do this for Minho. I believe in you Tommy. I believe in you so bloody much and I know we can do this and in a few days time we will all be at the Safe Haven with Minho gagging when he catches us making out on the beach for like the fifth time that day."

Thomas smiles. "You think?"

"I know it."

Thomas looks at their hands on the table. A wave of warmth and adoration flushes through him. "Love, huh?"

"What?”

"You called me Love."

Newt goes beat red and Thomas swears his heart has just doubled in size.

"That just sorta happened," mumbles Newt.

Thomas grins. "Say it again."

"Absolutely not!"

Thomas laughs so loudly he's probably woken half the camp and Newt wishes he could bottle the sound of Thomas laughing and keep it forever.

"I'll need to think of a pet name for you now."

"Nope."

"Baby?"

Newt cuts him a look that could kill. "I'm older than you, that's just weird."

"Sweetie?"

"I'm not a fucking toddler, Tommy."

"Newtie?"

Newt pushes him and Thomas barks a laugh again. "Call me Newtie again and it'll be the last thing you ever say."

Thomas gives him a mischievous grin. The dim light of the candles picking out the dimples on his cheeks and setting his chestnut eyes ablaze. Newt thinks he could live to be 100 and never see anything as beautiful as Thomas in that moment.

Then the idiot calls him "Beauty Newtie" of all things and kills the moment.

Newt goes to push him again and Thomas giggles (actually giggles like a five year old) and dodges him running around the table and Newt gives chase.

Thomas twirls in the middle of the room and lets Newt jump straight into him. Newt puts his arms around his neck and Thomas's hands rest on Newt's hips. They are both laughing now.

"If you value your life, never call me Beauty Newtie again."

"I think it's cute," says Thomas and his face lights up like a Christmas tree as he thinks of something. "Hey! Cute Newt. Cutie Newtie. This could work actual-"

Newt shuts him up the only way he knows how. He kisses him.

(He thinks that Thomas can call him whatever he wants as long as he can keep kissing him but he'll never tell the idiot that)

After either an eternity or a few minutes later neither of them know nor care, they break apart and Thomas rests his forehead against Newt's. Newt closes his eyes. He relishes these moments. The sweet moments when it’s just them. Thomas begins shuffling his feet and swaying slightly. "Dance with me?" He asks his voice so low Newt almost doesn’t hear him.

Newt opens his eyes and meets Thomas's gaze. "There's no music," he whispers back.

Thomas smiles. "We don't need it."

And they don't.

They dance around the warehouse in the low light of flickering lamps and candles. Thomas twirling Newt before bringing him in close and dipping him low and pulling him back up again and Newt loves every moment of it. The last six months have held some of the toughest moments of Newt’s life but they have also had moments like this one. Moments when it’s just him and Thomas. Him and his beautiful Tommy dancing in the middle of the night to no music and Newt doesn’t understand how life can be so cruel and horrible yet so perfect at the same time.

Then Thomas frames Newt’s face with his hands and pulls him in for a kiss and Newt’s mind explodes. Thomas crashes over him like a wave and Newt kisses him back just as intensely. Somehow they end up back across the room with Newt sitting on the table, his legs wrapped around Thomas’s waist holding him close as Thomas kisses him hungrily. Thomas begins trailing kisses down Newt’s jaw before focusing on his neck and sucking hard enough to bruise.

“Can’t believe you-” Newt gasps as Thomas begins sucking harder still. "I can’t believe you are gonna make me see Minho again with a damn hickey.” Newt can feel Thomas laughing against his neck the vibrations like a bolt of electricity through his body and when Thomas pushes in closer to him again and his leg brushes against Newt’s crotch that bolt of electricity threatens to consume him entirely.

“We should go to bed,” says Thomas as he shifts his focus from Newt’s neck to nibbling at his ear.

“Not sleepy,” moans Newt as Thomas’s leg brushes against his crotch once more.

“I didn’t mean to sleep.”

Newt suddenly straightens up and pulls back from Thomas to look at him. Thomas hasn’t mentioned sex at all since that day they went on that scouting mission in the abandoned neighbourhood and found the condoms and lube in that bathroom cabinet. In fact, with planning the train heist and rescuing the Immunes, Newt had completely forgotten about their little secret haul.

“Are you sure?” asks Newt.

Thomas kisses him briefly. “I wanna have sex with you,” he says then blushes and Newt’s heart swells. “Only if you want to as well of course.”

Newt hops down from the table and takes Thomas’s hand in his own and begins to lead him back to their room. “Let’s go to bed Tommy,” he says.

It takes them longer to get back to their room than it should because Thomas can’t keep his hands or mouth off of Newt. When they finally reach their room and Newt bumps the door closed, Thomas is on him in a flash and pins him against it hard.

Thomas peppers his skin with kisses before focusing his attention back onto Newt’s neck. Newt moans and this just seems to spur Thomas on further. He presses himself flush against Newt and starts to tug at Newt’s jacket and it falls to the floor. Newt is clawing at Thomas’s buttons on his shirt and fuck him who wore a shirt with so many damn fucking buttons at a time like this?

Thomas smiles against his neck before trailing kisses up his jaw and finally their mouths meet again. Thomas tastes of everything and nothing all at once. Kissing Thomas puts Newt’s head into overdrive and also shuts it down completely.

He begins to push Thomas towards their mattress, never once breaking the kiss. They kick off their shoes and Newt finally rids him off that god awful shirt and his hands can roam the unblemished perfect specimen that is Thomas. He’s beautiful. His broad shoulders. His chest. His soft yet toned stomach. Newt wants to taste every part of him.

Thomas breaks the kiss. “We are wearing too many damn clothes still,” he says as he pulls Newt’s shirt over his head and throws it to the floor beside his own. Newt throws himself at Thomas again, kissing him desperately. His hands fumble with Thomas’s belt as they stumble back and finally hit the mattress. Newt pulls down Thomas’s trousers and underwear in a swift motion and Thomas steps out of them before he allows himself to fall back into a sitting position on the bed and Newt gets onto his lap straddling him. Thomas groans at the friction against his already half hard cock and Newt blushes knowing he can make Thomas make these noises.

Thomas flips them so Newt is on his back and he sits over him so his knees either side of Newt’s hips and he looks down at him. He undoes Newt’s jeans and pulls them down gently, being mindful of Newt’s bad leg. He pulls down Newt’s boxers too and just takes in the sight of him. His stunningly perfect boyfriend lying naked beneath him. “God you’re beautiful,” he says.

Thomas leans down to kiss him again. He never wants to stop kissing Newt, tasting Newt, being one with Newt. Thomas trails kisses down Newt’s chin, his neck, his chest, his flat stomach… He inches down the mattress and takes in the sight of Newt’s swollen cock and he’s practically salivating. A shock goes through his body at the thoughts of Newt being hard because of him. He looks up at Newt. “Is it okay if I…?

“Tommy, I think I might just kick you if you don't.”

Thomas takes Newt in his mouth and Newt lets out a squeal that shoots straight to Thomas’s own cock. Thomas doesn’t know what he’s doing but he takes Newt deep and works him with his tongue savouring the taste of the man he loves and by the mewling noises Newt makes above him and the hand in his hair that is tugging and tugging he knows whatever he’s doing he’s doing it right. Thomas’s face is flush with Newt and he takes in his scent. He’s beautiful. He’s oh so damn beautiful.

“Tommy… Tommy, yes… Tommy.”

Thomas swears he could come just by Newt’s voice alone. His heart is pounding. Newt is just so perfect. So so perfect. He wants more. He wants more of this beautiful man. He wants every part of him and more. He pulls off and climbs back up the bed to kiss Newt again. He’s a little worried that Newt will throw him off considering where his mouth has just been but if the other man cares he doesn’t say anything. Their mouths collide and his tongue wrestles with Newt’s. He pushes Newt deeper and deeper into the mattress kissing him like his life depends on it and in that moment it feels like it does.

Newt floods all his thoughts and Thomas happily drowns in him.

He breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against Newt’s. Thomas rests his hand on Newt’s chest and he can feel his heart beating against his palm. “I want you,” he says.

Newt kisses him again, he moves and grinds their hips together and Thomas moans. “I want you,” he says again. He blushes feeling self conscious. “I want you inside me.”

Newt smiles and kisses him again. “Are you sure?”

“You’re all I need, Newt.”

They kiss again before Newt flips them and pushes Thomas back on the mattress. He reaches into Thomas’s bag and pulls out the lube and condoms.

Newt isn’t a virgin. You can’t have a group of 50+ young men in a confined place and not expect things to happen. Most of his experiences had been one night things, a need for release more than anything else. Alby had been different of course. But as he looks down at Tommy lying beneath him, his pupils blown, cheeks flushed and his hair dishevelled. None of his nights with the other boys or Alby had felt like this. This is different. This is Tommy.

His Tommy.

Newt wants to cherish every second.

He pours the lube onto his fingers and looks back down at Thomas. He is nervous.

“If anything I does hurts you in any way-”

“I’ll tell you I promise,” says Thomas.

Thomas is looking up with him with such trust that Newt’s heart flutters.

“You’re perfect,” says Newt.

“I know,” says Thomas with a wink.

Newt laughs. “Fuck you.”

“I was rather hoping you would.”

Newt leans in to kiss him again before shuffling back down on the bed between Thomas’s legs. He looks back up at him and Thomas nods. “Please, Newt.”

He slowly pushes his first finger past his entrance and Thomas moans and leans back against the pillows. Newt works him delicately, the tight muscle gradually relaxing around one finger and when Thomas eventually says he’s ready for more and Newt adds a second, Thomas starts saying his name like a prayer and Newt feels impossibly hard from Thomas’s moans alone. By the time he adds a third finger and begins working him harder and harder still, scissoring in and out of that tight heat Thomas is making inhuman noises. Newt has seen many versions of the man before him. He’s seen him as a scared kid the day he arrived at the Glade, a dumb shank running into the maze to save people he’d just met, a warrior fighting off grievers with make shift weapons and sticks…

He’s seen him laugh, he’s seen him cry and he’s seen every emotion in between but this Thomas this gorgeous Thomas who has given himself entirely to him, flailing in the bed and white knuckling the sheets as Newt pistons in and out of him opening him up with his fingers… Well, Newt has never seen anything as hot or as perfect as a desperate Thomas in his life. This is his favourite Thomas.

“I wish you could see how beautiful you look right now,” Newt says.

Thomas pulls Newt down kissing him hard, their teeth clash but neither of them care.

“I’m… I’m ready Newt,” he breathes into his mouth. “Please.”

Newt sits up and reaches for the condoms, opening one up and unrolling it down his length and slicking himself up with some more lube.

Thomas watches him intensely, his pupils are so blown, his dark eyes look completely black. “Fuck,” he says. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Newt smirks and Thomas pulls up and kisses him before lying back down and adjusting himself once more on the bed. The sight of Thomas waiting for him, open for him is… a lot. Newt swears he actually feels his own brain shut down and reboot itself as he watches Thomas.

“Newt, please.”

Newt lines himself up and takes Thomas’s hand in his own, interlacing their fingers before he finally pushes in slowly. He gasps at the feel of Thomas’s tight heat around his cock and he stills completely. “Tommy,” he breathes as Thomas hisses a sound mixed with pain and pleasure. Time seems to stand still as they both adjust.

“Fuck,” says Newt. Thomas’s body seems to meld around his own seamlessly as if they were made for each other.

Newt in many ways thinks they were.

Then Thomas wraps his legs around Newt and pulls him closer and Newt sinks deeper into his heat, they both gasp.

Then they are moving and Newt swears he’s been sent to another dimension. He can see sounds and hear colours and every one of his senses is filled with Tommy.

Tommy.

His thrusts are getting harsher now and the noises coming from Thomas are heaven and when he hits his prostate, Thomas practically bursts like a firework.

“There,” he gasps. “Holy fuck, Newt. There!”

Newt hits him there again and again and again, anything to hear Thomas say his name like that.

They are moving together in such harmony and Newt has never had sex like this before. He's never felt this close to someone before. He’s never felt at one with someone before. Newt feels closer and closer to his climax and he reaches between them and clasps Thomas’s cock in his hand and begins pumping him in tandem with his thrusts into his body.

“Come for me Tommy,” he says. “Please.”

Thomas comes with a shout coating their stomachs and Newt is coming seconds later. They ride out the aftershocks and kiss each other between panting breaths.

Thomas pulls Newt down on top of him and begins kissing him sluggishly.

“That was- '' begins Newt between kisses and panting breaths.

“Fucking amazing,” says Thomas kissing him again.

They laugh and they kiss and Newt collapses down beside Thomas on the mattress, throwing the used condom in the bin and they kiss some more, their tongues dancing lazily together as they lay basking in the afterglow.

When they finally break apart Thomas is staring at Newt, his golden eyes are glistening and his face is flushed. “I love you,” he says.

Newt feels a tug on his heart. He had to go and ruin it all by saying those words. The words he cannot say back. The impossible declaration. “Ditto,” he replies lamely and his voice cracks.

A beat. He can feel the atmosphere in the room shift off its axis and a flicker of emotion passes Thomas’s eyes. It’s gone in a flash but Newt saw it.

Hurt.

Newt sits up feeling awkward. Thomas reaches for him but he stands up and pretends he doesn’t see Thomas’s hand. “We should get cleaned up,” says Newt tonelessly.

Thomas blinks at him. He looks like he’s going to say something but thinks better of it and nods instead and smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, I don't exactly fancy rescuing Minho covered in my own spunk,” he says.

Newt laughs but it’s a hollow one. He makes his way over to the sink. He tries to think of something witty to say back to ease the tension but he can’t think of anything.

They clean up without another word and when they put back on some clothes and lay down on the mattress Newt can feel an atmosphere between them. He watches Thomas as he begins to drift off to sleep.

“Tommy?”

“Hmmm?” the other man opens his eyes and looks at him puzzled.

Three simple words… I love you… That’s all he has to say… Three words…

Newt looks at the beautiful boy beside him. There’s a curl of hair sticking up behind his ear and he reaches out and brushes it back but it bounces back up instantly. Thomas is the strongest person Newt has ever known but still Newt knows he has a heart made of glass and he thinks he’s just cracked it. All he has to say is three words. Three little words and everything will be okay. All he has to do is to say them. But still that senseless voice in the back of his mind screams at him not to. Newt licks his lips and opens his mouth not even sure what he is going to say.

“You’re my best friend.”

Thomas looks briefly confused before he returns his smile and this time he smiles with his whole face. He leans over and kisses him chastely. “You’re my bestest friend.”

“I don’t think that’s a word Tommy.” he says, still playing with the errant curl beside Thomas’s ear. Thomas leans into the touch and the room seems less suffocating as if Newt’s words opened a window and cleared the air.

“You’re better than a best friend to me, Newt. You’re the bestest.”

“You’re so stupid Tommy.” He furls and unfurls the curl. He can feel Thomas drifting off again.

“You’re so beautiful Newt,” he says back.

Newt smiles but before he can think of a response Thomas is already asleep.

Newt studies the sleeping boy beside him. He’s so radiant. So perfect and it kills him that he can’t say those words to him. Why can’t he say them? He itches to say them and Thomas deserves to hear them. Newt cannot for the life of him understand why Thomas puts up with him. Thomas deserves so much better. Thomas deserves the world. Thomas would give him anything.

And Newt can’t even give him three little words.

***

34 days after the night in The Last City

One mile from the WCKD Compound

Newt wakes with a jump when the berg lands. He doesn’t know how long he’s been out but honestly he’s thankful he got some sleep. It’s the first time he hasn’t had a nightmare since before they lost Thomas.

The realisation that this could very well be the last time he wakes up without Thomas beside him lights a flame of joy inside him.

He’s actually going to see Thomas again in a couple of hours.

His Thomas. His Tommy.

During the flight they all decided that it would be best for Jorge, Vince and Brenda to stay on the berg and Newt and the others would make the short walk to the WCKD Compound. Jorge has parked the berg about a mile away from the facility and will fly over to collect the boys once they get Thomas out. In the meantime, they will be setting up medical equipment because if Thomas is even in half as bad of a state as Teresa implied he’s going to need some urgent care before they can make it back to the mainland. Vince had trained in how to use a lot of the medical equipment when he’d been dating Mary. He’s by no means a doctor but he knows what he’s doing. Newt watches as they begin to unpack some of the equipment and he feels sick at the thoughts of what WCKD have been doing to Thomas. Not able to look at what Brenda, Vince and Jorge are doing anymore he turns away.

Gally and Fry are bickering in the corner as they do a last check on their packs and Minho is already outside with his bag slung across his shoulder and when Newt follows him outside he sees he’s loading his gun. Newt’s own gun has been loaded since before they even left the Safe Haven.

“Ready to go get your boyfriend?” ask Minho.

“More ready than you’d ever believe.”

“Shit,” says Minho and he runs his hand through his hair as if he’s just remembered he forgot something important.

“What?”

“I really should have asked Sonya to let me take her camera. I can't believe I’m going to witness the Newtmas Reunion Kiss and won’t be able to take evidence of it.”

“Stop calling us Newtmas!”

“To be fair,” says Gally, stepping down the berg’s ramp. “It sounds better than Thomewt.”

“Thomewt sounds like some sorta disease,” adds Fry. “I can imagine the doctors back home being all like ‘he’s got a bad case of thomewt, he’s gonna have to quarantine alone in a hut for five days’”

“Pretty safe bet that the lovebirds will be happy to be alone in their hut for five days,” says Gally.

Minho starts singing the opening notes of Careless Whisper and Newt pushes him hard but it only makes him sing louder and Fry and Gally join in.

Of course none of these dumb shanks could remember their damn birthday but they know fucking Careless Whisper. Newt honestly cannot believe his luck that this lot are his friends.

It’s a short walk to the facility and as they get closer the mood becomes more sombre. With every step Newt feels he’s both closer to Thomas but also further away. What if all this is a trap and Thomas isn’t even in there? What if it’s like that day in the scorch when Joe died? What if Teresa was lying? What if he’s at a different facility? What if he isn’t even alive? What if-

He stumbles as someone nudges his shoulder and he looks over at Minho.

“Penny for your thoughts?” asks Minho.

“What?”

“I can see those clogs turning in that dusty shuck brain of yours,” he says. “What’s wrong, Newt?”

“What if he isn’t inside,” says Newt.

“He is,” says Minho simply.

“But what is he isn’t?” says Newt. “Minho… If Tommy isn’t in there. If they moved him and we can’t find him then I… I dunno if I’ll be able to handle losing him again.”

“Newt,” says Minho, gripping Newt by the shoulders and forcing him around to look at him. “Listen to me, Thomas is in there. He is. I know it. I just… I know he is. We are going to storm in there and kick WCKD ass and get the dumb shank out. Okay? We are going to get him out.”

Newt still has his doubts but as he looks at the fire in Minho’s eyes he can’t help but believe him. He nods. “We’re going to get him out,” he says back.

Minho pulls him into a hug. “We’re going to get him out,” he repeats.

Newt hugs Minho back tightly. “Thanks, Min.”

“Are you dumb shanks coming or am I gonna have to break it to the Greenie that Minho stole his man?” calls Gally from up on a sand dune.

Newt rolls his eyes and reluctantly breaks away from the hug. “We’re coming,” he calls back.

By the time they make it to the compound it’s getting dark. They duck down behind the sand. Newt can’t help but think of that stormy night when they were here last when Thomas led them to safety now he’s here to lead Thomas out.

Thomas is literally in that building. Thomas is here. He’s here. Newt thought he’d never see him again and now he’s only a few metres away from him. Newt swears his heart is about ready to bounce out of his chest.

“Now what?” asks Fry. “Do we just… go up and open the door?”

“I guess,” says Gally, scratching his head. “Seems a bit simple though.”

“The door out of the maze literally said ‘Exit’ above it so I’ve stopped thinking about shit like this too much,” says Fry.

“I think,” starts Minho. “I think that the four of us should all go in and Newt and I will make our way through the hangar and wait by the door for Thomas. You two hang back a bit just in case Teresa doesn’t come alone and we need reinforcements. At least that way we can take those bastards by surprise. Despite what she said on the call… We’ve no real reason to trust Teresa. I know Thomas is in there, I can feel it in my bones but… I think it would be dumb as fuck of us to assume Teresa will hand him over and let us leave without any drama.”

Gally nods. “I agree.”

Newt is only half listening to what they are saying; he can't stop thinking that Thomas is literally in that building and they are just sitting in the sand. It’s dark enough to make their way in now and it’s now or never.

They all take their weapons in their hands and walk the last few steps towards the compound. As they finally reach the doors to the hangar Newt feels his heart hammering in his chest. This is it. Thomas is somewhere in this building. Newt puts his hand on the metal handle. It’s uncomfortably warm from the heat of the scorch. If Terera’s mission to sabotage the security system worked, the doors should just open. His hand shakes on the handle.

“Come on, Newt,” encourages Minho softly. “For Thomas.”

“For Thomas.”

Newt pulls the handle and the door creaks open.

***

The WCKD Compound

Teresa races down the hall towards Thomas’s room. She’s done it. She’s hacked into the security systems and unlocked the main doors. Newt and the others should be here any minute now and all she has to do is bring Thomas to the hangar. This is actually happening. She’s setting him free. For the first time since betraying her friends all those months ago Teresa feels a strange sense of peace. She finally knows she’s doing the right thing.

She’d spent the whole morning and most of the afternoon breaking down the security features. She’d hacked into the system from her dorm room and completely broke the system from her own bed with just her tablet. It wouldn’t have taken her so long if she had gone into the controls room but there was a higher chance of her being caught if she had gone there so she’d opted for the tablet.

She couldn’t take unnecessary risks now when she was so close to getting Thomas out of this place.

Which is exactly why when she saw on the CCTV that Janson and Ava were both in Ava’s office she’d overridden the locking mechanism on her door so they couldn’t get out. She’d done the same for every room the other WCKD employees were in, there was nobody around to stop them.

She stops running for a moment to catch her breath and yawns. She can’t remember the last time she slept. After she brought Thomas back to his room last night she couldn’t bring it in herself to leave him and had sat up with him for the whole night. She’d pulled a chair right up to his bed and sat there for hours just holding his hand and talking nonsense to him like they used to when they were kids.

He hadn’t so much as stirred during the night and even when she left his room this morning he hadn’t woken up yet. She’d kept one of the CCTV cameras focused on his room as she’d broken the system and she didn’t even see him twitch in his bed and that worried her deeply.

She starts running again.

She loves Thomas but not in the way Janson and Ava think she does. Maybe she used to love him like that, once upon a time but not anymore. She remembers years ago when she was the taller one how she used to imagine marrying Thomas one day and living with him in a house and getting a cat and having a kid or two but it was all just childhood fantasies nothing more than that. She knew from that very first night when they met Newt in the hallways that she had lost Thomas to him but she also knew he was never hers to lose in the first place.

And she is more than okay with that. As long as Thomas is happy she’ll be happy too.

She knows Newt loves Thomas and that he will be able to put him first and treat him in a way she never would have been capable of and for that she is truly grateful.

Newt is the person Thomas is meant to be with and if it’s the last thing she ever does she’s determined to bring them back to each other.

She finally reaches Thomas’s dorm and brushes her hair back behind her ear and takes a deep breath. “”You’ve got this,” she tells herself. “You’re doing the right thing. You’re finally doing the right thing.”

She gently opens the door to his room and grimaces. It’s very dark and stuffy here. She can barely make out Thomas’s prone frame lying under his duvet in his bed. She flicks on the light and makes her way over to Thomas’s sleeping form. She reaches his bed and her heart drops. He’s deteriorated since she left him this morning. He looks terrible. His rasping breathing is shallow and fast and his hair is stuck to his head with sweat. She pushes his hair back off his forehead and he doesn’t react at all at the contact. His skin is clammy and warm to the touch. He’s too warm.

“Tom?” she says softly but she’s only met with Thomas’s shaky breathing. “Tom?” she says a little more forcibly and shakes his shoulder gently.

Thomas comes to slowly and he groans at the sound of his own name. He’s so tired… He just wants to sleep.

“Tom? Thomas… Please… You need to get up. Tom.”

He blearily opens his eyes. The room is too bright and his head spins and his stomach protests. He lets his eyes droop closed again.

“No,” pleads Teresa. “Tom, please. We’re getting out of here, okay? Come on, please?”

Everything hurts. Everything. Thomas feels like there’s a boulder on his chest and that his limbs are being pulled in opposite directions by horses. Thomas opens his eyes again and is met with Teresa’s tear filled blue ones. He always liked her eyes. They look sad now though and he doesn’t want to see her sad. He closes his eyes again.

“Tom please, I know… I know you’re not feeling well but we have to go, okay? We don’t have much time.”

He doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about. He blinks and her image becomes blurry once more. He feels like he’s about to throw up but he knows there’s nothing in his stomach to come up. Teresa’s hands start tugging at him and she’s still talking. Can’t she leave him alone for five fucking minutes? He can feel the dark allure of unconsciousness pulling him in again…

“Newt is coming,” says Teresa.

The mere mention of his name is like a shot of adrenaline to his heart.He looks up at her confused… Newt’s dead… They fought outside the city and he shot him… No, wait… no… That isn’t what happened. They were fighting in the train station and Newt… Newt stabbed Minho and then shot himself and it was all Thomas’s fault.

Thomas killed the best friend he’s ever had and the love of his life.

“Newt’s dead,” he gasps.

“What?” asks Teresa. “No, he’s not.”

“I killed him,” mumbles Thomas into his pillow. “Minho too.”

“Thomas,” says Teresa and she looks at the clock on the wall. The others should definitely be here by now. She needs to get Thomas out of here. “Thomas, you didn’t kill Newt or Minho… The-the things you remember aren’t real. They are trials run by WCKD. They are warping your memories to try and get a stronger blood extraction. They’re alive. Minho is alive. Newt is alive.”

Teresa is talking very quickly and Thomas isn’t making much sense of any of it. But there’s three words that he heard clearly.

“Newt is alive?”

“I made contact with the Safe Haven, he’s coming for you, Tom."

Thomas blinks at her. "Why would you do that?"

She gives him a sad smile. "You deserve to live a life Tom," she says. "I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to… I wanted to save everyone but not like this. Never like this."

Thomas is exhausted. He's too tired to really process any of this. He just wants to lie back down and fall asleep… But if Newt really is just outside…

“Is Newt really here?”

Teresa brushes her hand through his hair gently. “He is in the hangar waiting for us.”

Thomas closes his eyes and all he can see is the knife in Minho’s gut and the way Newt’s body crashed to the floor after he shot himself in the head…

He thinks of seeing Newt in the middle of the road and fighting him in the street… He thinks of Newt begging him to kill him and he remembers pulling the trigger… He can even feel the kickback of the gun rushing up his arm as he thinks about it…

He wants to believe Teresa. He really does… He wants to trust her.

But he trusted her once before and all it brought him was pain…

"Come on," she says, pulling at his shirt. "We need to get out of here."

Thomas moans weakly. “I… I dunno,” he breathes.

“Thomas,” says Teresa. She places a hand on his cheek and her cool palm feels heavenly against his burning feverish skin. “Newt is in the hangar and he’s there with Minho and your friends. I promise you. I promise you he’s here. You just gotta come with me, okay? Trust me one last time, Tom. Please.”

Thomas looks into Teresa’s eyes once more. Thomas used to think he could read her very well. It was almost as if he could see into her mind as if they were telepathic. He often knew what she was going to say long before she opened her mouth and he definitely always knew when she was telling him lies.

When he looks into her eyes now all he sees is the truth.

He believes her.

“Okay,” he nods. “Okay, let’s go.”

Chapter Text

16 hours before the night in the Last City 

Newt really isn’t feeling well. Running around the city for hours on his bad leg was a challenge enough but now his head is pounding, his arm is itching up a storm and his stomach is sick. He knows what this is. He’s seen the signs in others before. He has the flare. The fucking flare. The death sentence that is the goddamn fucking flare. It seems impossible that it was only about 24 hours ago that he woke in the back of Bertha to Thomas kissing him on his temple. He’d only had a mild headache then and hadn’t thought much of it. They’d had a stressful night and he hadn’t eaten or drank much but as the day wore on he started feeling worse and worse and when the veins on his arm began to show. He knew. He had the flare and he was dying. 

But to Newt, the pain of the agonising pulse in his head and the burning heat through his veins and the flipping of his protesting stomach is nothing. Because none of those pains hold a candle to the hurt he felt when he saw the look on Thomas’s face when he saw Teresa again for the first time. 

In that moment it was like the penny dropped and he’d realised it had never just been about Minho. 

Thomas had come back to this city for her. 

Her. 

His head pulses once more and his headache feels like someone is drilling through his skull. He can barely think but suddenly the sirens that had plagued him for months begin to blare again. They scream a truth at him he doesn’t want to hear.

Thomas is still in love with Teresa.  

Of course he is. He’d only ever been some cheap rebound to Thomas. It all makes sense now. The warnings were right. He should have stayed away. He never should have let himself fall for him but he did and now he’s paying the price. His boyfriend is in love with someone else. 

He looks up at Thomas and he feels so angry. He’s never felt anger like this before in his life. He can’t believe that he had actually started feeling guilty for not saying I love you back to him because Thomas doesn’t love him. He doesn’t. He loves Teresa. Newt’s mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour. Every part of him screaming that Thomas doesn’t love him and never did and never will. 

This is their shot at getting Minho back. After six months of nothing. Nothing. They finally have a real shot at getting rescuing him from WCKD and Thomas doesn’t want to take it? Because of her! Newt just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get it at all. How can Thomas still care about her? How? How can Thomas still love her? Newt has walked with him through it all and he’s killed people and almost been killed himself in the process dozens of times. He’s sacrificed everything to save Minho. Everything. And now he’s got the damn flare and Thomas still won’t risk his stupid perfect little Teresa. 

“There’s gotta be another way,” says Thomas as he runs his hand through his hair. 

And it is this little comment which breaks Newt completely and he sees red.

"What?” snaps Newt at Thomas suddenly. “Are you afraid your little girlfriend’s gonna get hurt? Hmm? This has obviously never been just about rescuing Minho. Has it?"

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Thomas has the audacity to give him a confused look and that just angers Newt even more. As if he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Everyone in the room can see Thomas still clearly loves Teresa, how fucking dare he act oblivious now. 

"Teresa,” he hisses as if her name itself is poison. “She’s the only reason that Minho’s even missing in the first place. Now we have finally an opportunity to get him back and what? You don’t want to because of her? Because deep down inside you still care about her don’t you?” He still loves her. He still loves her. He still fucking loves her. The burning embers of anger blaze within him. He is getting in Thomas’s face now and Thomas is backing away from him and this makes Newt angrier still. The coward can’t even face him. 

“Just admit it," barks Newt and he pushes Thomas roughly. Thomas stumbles but manages to hold his ground.

"Newt, I-"

Newt pushes him harder this time and Thomas hits his back against the wall behind him. He grunts but he doesn’t try to protect himself or push Newt away. He lets this happen. Newt’s rage bubbles over like an unattended pot on a stove. “You still love her, don’t you? He pushes Thomas again. “DON’T YOU?” 

“Newt-”

“Why are you still loyal to her, Tommy? Answer me that,” Newt scoffs at his own words. He can’t think straight and his mind is flooded with thoughts that don’t even seem to belong to him. He feels like he isn’t in control of what he’s saying. Like he’s merely a puppet and someone else is pulling his strings. “What am I talking about?” He laughs at himself. “You? Loyal? You’re WCKD’s bitch. Hey, maybe that’s why you want to team up with Teresa so much. You’re thinking she was right all along and you’re still on WCKD’s side. You were more than happy to watch me and the others suffer for years in the Maze so it’s no surprise really you’re still willing to let Minho rot now again for the sake of that little witch. I can see right through you, Tommy and it ain’t pretty.” 

As soon as he says the words he regrets them. It’s as if his head suddenly clears and he realises what he just said. All the air seems to be sucked out of the room entirely. He’s so close to Thomas that their noses brush. Newt’s mind flashes back to Thomas kissing him only a few short hours ago and that thought sobers him. He backs away.

Thomas pushes past him and heads for the door. Gally and Brenda call after him but he ignores them and leaves. Newt can feel all eyes on him. 

His arm itches and burns. He clutches it. “I’m sorry,” he says to nobody in particular.  

“It ain’t us you need to apologise to hermano,” says Jorge tonelessly. 

Newt nods. He doesn’t meet any of their gazes as he follows Thomas out the door. This isn’t him. This isn’t him thinking these things, it's the flare messing with his head. He knows this… He knows this… Yet… 

He can’t stop thinking about how Thomas didn’t deny it… 

Newt is looking for Thomas for almost ten minutes and he finally finds him on the roof. He’s sitting over the edge kicking his feet. It reminds Newt of the day they shared their first kiss on the cliff. That seems like a lifetime ago now. He isn’t sure if he should sit down beside him or not and he hangs back awkwardly.

“You’ve got the flare,” Thomas says without looking at him. It isn’t a question. He’s crying and something in Newt breaks. He’s never been the reason for Thomas’s tears before.

Newt sighs and sits down beside him and pulls up his sleeve revealing the spider web like veins. 

Thomas delicately takes his hand in his own and he traces the veins with his fingertips as his eyes roam over Newt’s arm. Newt wants to brush away the tears on Thomas’s cheeks but he feels like he’s lost that privilege after his outburst. 

 “We’ll fix this,” says Thomas determined. “I’ll fix this.” 

“There’s no fixing this, Tommy.” 

“It’s been six months since Brenda got a serum and she’s still fine. We just need to get more serum and find out how to produce our own. We can use my blood if we have to, I’d bleed myself dry for you if it meant you’d be okay.” 

“Tom-

“I’m fixing this Newt,” he says in his tone suggesting there is no room for argument. 

Newt just stares at him. Because this is Thomas. This is his Tommy. His Tommy who keeps fighting for the people he cares about even when they hurt him. His Tommy who sees the good in everyone. His Tommy with his heart of gold. Suddenly Newt starts to understand why Thomas is reluctant to take advantage of Teresa. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone even if they have hurt him first. 

Although the all too familiar sirens that blare in his skull tell him a different story. They tell him Thomas is still in love with Teresa… 

Newt grimaces and tries to ignore the voices in his head. “What I said inside.” 

Thomas shakes his head and a fresh tear falls down his cheek. “It’s okay.”

“It isn’t,” says Newt hesitating before reaching up and brushing away the tears. His hand cups Thomas’s face and Thomas leans into the touch.  “I don’t know why I said all that… My head… I didn’t even mean it. I’m sorry Tommy. I’m so sorry.” He silently begs that Thomas denies the accusation he made about Teresa.

“It doesn’t matter,” says Thomas. “All that matters is getting you the serum and getting Minho out of there.”

He doesn’t mention Teresa and Newt itches to bring her up but feels he shouldn’t. 

Newt looks at their joined hands. He doesn’t fail to notice how Thomas mentions getting the serum before Minho. “You can’t save everyone, Tommy.” 

Thomas brushes his lips against Newt’s softly. “I can try,” he breathes barely more than a whisper. 

“You have a problem, y’know,” says Newt. “You can’t walk away from people. Even when you should.”

“I could never walk away from you, Newt. I’ll raid WCKD for every last drop of their serum for you and we will break Minho out as well.” 

Newt isn’t worth this. He isn’t. The thoughts of Thomas going after the serum and them all possibly being caught before they can find Minho plagues him. If he gets the serum but they lose Minho then none of this has been worth it. Newt couldn’t live with the knowledge that his survival cost Minho his life. “Promise me something, Tommy?” 

Thomas looks at him with those big toffee eyes. “Anything.” 

“Promise me that Minho is your priority. No matter what happens. We save Minho first, okay? Then we can get a serum. But no matter what we get Minho out. No matter the cost.”

Thomas gives him another chaste closed mouthed kiss and leans his forehead against Newt’s. “I promise.” He kisses Newt again and turns so they are side by side and then he leans his head against Newt’s shoulder. Their fingers are still interlaced and they look out over the walled city. 

He feels Thomas’s hand grip his own a little tighter. “We’ll go back into the city and get Teresa,” he says. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” he sighs. “It’s the only way.” 

“Okay,” says Newt. 

Thomas shuffles into him closer. “Okay.” 

They sit in silence for what feels like an eternity. 

“I love you,” says Thomas so softly Newt almost doesn’t catch it. 

Newt kisses the top of his head. The damning alarms in his head telling him Thomas is lying and that he loves Teresa resurface once more but he tries to shoot them down. “Ditto,” he says. 

**

34 days after the night in the Last City

The WCKD Compound 

The Hangar

Newt groans as he stretches out his leg in front of him. Turns out sitting on the floor of the berg for the guts of a whole day and then walking the mile to the compound hadn’t been the best for his dodgy leg, who knew? 

He looks across the hangar towards Gally and Frypan who are lying underneath a jeep with their weapons raised waiting on the off chance that someone who isn’t Thomas or Teresa comes through those hangar doors. 

Out of the corner of his eye Newt sees a pacing Minho check his watch. “They should be here by now,” says Minho before stuffing his hands back into his pockets angrily. 

Newt sighs. They’ve been sitting by the doors to the main building for about twenty minutes now although it’s felt like much longer. The last five weeks without Thomas in the Safe Haven somehow felt just as long as the last twenty minutes sitting here on the floor knowing he’s somewhere on the other side of the hangar’s door. “Thomas and Teresa will be here soon,” he says.

Minho grumbles a curse word under his breath as he sits down beside Newt. Newt isn’t used to seeing Minho stressed out like that and shuck knows they have gone through their fair share of shitty situations and for the first time Newt begins to think that his friend’s anxiety isn’t all about getting out of here safely with Thomas. “Are you worried about seeing her again?” 

Minho stiffens beside him at the question and that’s all of the answers Newt needs. “Minho, I-” 

“I just,” Minho starts and licks his lips. “I’m grateful that she put out the message, I am and I’m grateful that she is risking everything so we can bring Thomas home but I… Where was this moral compass when I was the one being strung up and drained, huh?” 

Newt doesn’t know what to say. What can he say? There’s no answer to that.

“I really thought we were friends, y’know? Even after that night she betrayed us. I thought maybe it was a misunderstanding or maybe even though she daubed us all in and I got caught that she’d change her mind or realise she’d been wrong or that she would take a step back from it all or… I dunno. But she didn’t, Newt. She really really didn’t. Every day she took blood from me or made me do some shitty new trial or subjected me to that fucking memory drug shit. Now I’m expected to believe she has changed and she’s all of a sudden a good person?” 

Newt looks at his shoe laces. He’d been so stuck in his own head since the radio call that he never really thought much about Teresa but now that Minho said it… He feels he could know Teresa his whole life and never really know her. “You know how she feels about Thomas, he has always been… special to her,” he says. 

“Yeah,” says Minho. “I know… It just makes me think, has she really had a change of heart or can she just not watch her precious little Thomas go through what she was perfectly fine putting me through? If I was the one with the magic blood and had been taken that night, do you think she’d have called you and asked you to come and pick me up because all the trials and experiments were wrong?”

They both know the answer to that question. 

“And now,” says Minho and he sighs. “I dunno how we are supposed to just take Thomas from her at the door and wave goodbye and go on our merry way and let her walk back in there when we both know Janson and Ava will have her killed for handing Thomas over to us. Thomas… Thomas isn’t going to want us to leave her here… And if we don’t bring her with us then he won’t forgive us for that I don’t think… but… I dunno how I’m supposed to just shake her hand and welcome her to come and live with us back at the Safe Haven after everything she’s done to me… But then… Then I think am I just being a hypocrite because Thomas was on the other side of it too and I’ve forgiven him for everything he did when he was a programmer. Should I give Teresa a second chance too? Should I let her come back with us… I just… I dunno. I really just don’t know what to do, Newt.” 

“She doesn’t have to come with us if you don’t think you can live with her at the Safe Haven,” says Newt. 

“I know that,” says Minho and he sighs. “But I’m not sure if I could live with leaving her here either knowing that she will probably be dead before we even fly off on the damn berg.” 

Newt opens his mouth to say something else but Minho stands and checks his watch again. “I’m giving her ten more minutes and then if she isn’t here I’m going in there and dragging Thomas out myself.” 

Newt nods and hugs his knees into his chest. He thinks over what Minho just said and what he said about forgiving Thomas for his days as a programmer and he sighs. He needs to tell Minho the rest of what he can remember from before the glade. He sighs again and runs his hand through his hair.  “I didn’t finish telling you the story about when Thomas and I broke up before the maze,” he says. 

Minho looks at him. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he says. 

Newt shakes his head. “I think I have to, before I see him again… I think I have to get this off my chest.” 

Minho sits back down beside him and puts a reassuring hand on Newt’s knee. 

Newt takes a deep breath and begins telling the rest of the story. 

**

The WCKD Compound 

Thomas’s Room 

Thomas leans heavily on Teresa as he shuffles out of the bed. His head spins as he stands and his knees almost instantly buckle but she catches him before he can fall. His stomach lurches and he gags. 

“Shit,” he gasps. He groans in pain. He clings onto Teresa’s shirt and waits for the room to stop spinning but it doesn’t. 

“It’s okay,” she says hollowly. She rubs her hand gently between his shoulder blades. “Come on.” 

They stumble out of his room and down the corridor and the only sound is Thomas’s raspy breathing. Teresa thinks of the boy who led them through the maze, the boy who fought off cranks in the shopping centre, the boy who raced through the scorch… And now the boy who is hanging off her shoulder and barely able to put one foot in front of the other. 

Thomas doesn’t think he’d be able to stand if Teresa didn’t have her arm around him and with each faltering step his headache worsens and the sick feeling in his stomach grows. Newt is actually here… He’s come for him… He… He isn’t dead. Thomas trips over his own feet and Teresa catches him again but they both nearly topple to the floor. 

“Sorry,” pants Thomas. 

“It’s okay,” breathes Teresa. “It isn’t far now. You can rest soon. Newt and the others are only a few corridors away.” 

Thomas looks at her. “He really is here, isn’t he?” he asks for what feels like the millionth time. Every time he blinks he sees Newt’s lifeless body and no matter how many times Teresa reassures him that it wasn’t real he needs her to keep telling him. “I thought- Thomas starts and shakes his head. “I really thought I killed Newt.” 

“You didn’t, I swear Tom,” she says. “It’s all part of Janson’s experiments. Newt is here. So are Minho and your friends.”

Thomas hums weakly… They have to be here. They just have to… The things he sees in his head can't be real. They can’t be but the more he tries not to think about the lifeless bodies of Newt and Minho the more he can picture them. 

Teresa just holds onto him tighter and tries to quicken their pace. They are only about five corridors away from the hangar now and the weight of what she’s doing really starts to hit her but she doesn’t regret it. She knows she is going to hand Thomas over and Newt and the others will take him home to the Safe Haven and leave her here and she knows Janson will probably shoot her but she doesn’t care. She hates a lot of the choices she’s made in her life but not this one. The weight of the launcher on her belt feels heavy. If Janson wants a bloodbath then she will give him one. She may have already accepted her fate but that doesn’t mean she will go out with a whimper. 

She looks over at Thomas who is leaning a little more heavily against her with every couple of steps and she thinks back to that night when she saw him again after everything went to shit before they brought her back to the church. 

“I do,” she says suddenly. 

“What?” 

“You asked me that night,” she starts and sniffs. “You asked me if I ever regret what I did and I do. I regret it now. I really thought I was doing the right thing but nothing about this is right. If I… If I’d never said anything… Never done anything… Then we all would have gone to the Safe Haven together. Months would have passed and Brenda wouldn’t have gotten sick again and… Mary… Mary would have tested your blood. She knew how to make a serum. Maybe… We could have worked together. We could have made the serum on your terms. We might have even figured out a way to replicate it… So many people died Tom because I picked up that damn radio back at Jorge’s place. So many people. I treated Minho… The way I treated Minho… The way I treated you. And for what? I just wish I could go back.” 

Thomas says nothing. Her words make him think back to that day on the cliff when Newt kissed him. The day he told Newt everyone would have been better off if he’d just died in the maze. He decides at that moment that he and Teresa are very similar.  “We all have blood on our hands Teresa,” he says. “I think of all the kids who went up into the mazes, every kid WCKD ever drained for their blood. I think of Alby and Ben and-and Chuck. I lie in bed and think of Newt giving Winston… Winston th-that gun when I could have saved him. I think of every single person WCKD has ever hurt in the name of finding a cure and it was me all along.” 

“It’s not your responsibility to save the world, Tom.” 

He smiles at her weakly. “Rich that, coming from you.” 

She returns his smile as they continue down the corridor. Thomas is dragging his feet more now and Teresa is struggling to hold him up. 

“What you said about-about making the serum on my terms,” he says. “We should do that. When we go home, I mean. We can do a more controlled blood donation and we can make our own serum and we can work on trying to replicate a serum without my blood.” 

Teresa stops walking. “What?” 

“Nothing like this obviously,” says Thomas he gestures with his arm and the momentum almost makes him fall. “Like you said though… On my terms. We can make our own serum and bring it to the mainland.” 

Teresa just stares at Thomas. Her ears are ringing. He’s saying so much all at once but she can only focus on four words. 

When we go home.  

“You want me to come back to the Safe Haven with you?” she asks. 

Thomas tilts his head. “Of course I do,” he says. 

“Why?” 

“Newt told me once… That I sorta have this problem. I-I can’t walk away from people.”

“Even when you should?”

“Especially when I should,” he says. “I’m not leaving you here, Teresa. You’re coming to the Safe Haven. You’re going home.” 

Teresa opens her mouth to say something but a laugh down the corridor stops her. 

Thomas and Teresa turn to see Janson stalking towards them. The man is smirking at them. "Oh, have I interrupted the little get together? Very rude of you to lock us away and keep us away from the party Ms Agnes. Good job I’m just as good at picking locks as you are I suppose.”

Teresa steps in front of Thomas and shields his body with her own. Shit. She should have known Janson would figure out the security had been hacked. It was naive of her to think he wouldn’t notice. "Janson," she says his name firmly. "Let us go." 

Janson laughs again. "We both know there's no way I'm letting you two out of here." 

Thomas feels sick. His head is pounding and he knows he’s in no position to be able to defend Teresa and himself from Janson. He takes a step backwards and stumbles and has to hold onto the wall to support himself. His stomach lurches and a blinding pain shoots through his skull. 

"That lab rat can barely stand, how do you think it’ll be able to get out of here Ms Agnes?" 

"His name is Thomas," she says. "He's not your plaything or your experiment Janson. His name is Thomas." 

Thomas is leaning against the wall and his gaze falls to the floor. His eyes catch the launcher on Teresa's belt and a sudden clarity whooshes over him. He's only going to have one shot at this. He looks up at Janson. The older man takes a step forward, the hand gun raised and pointed directly at Teresa. Teresa takes a step back and Thomas reaches for her his hand closing around the launcher on her belt. He feels Teresa freeze against him, she reaches back with her hand and wraps her fingers around his own giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. 

"Any last words Ms Agnes?" asks Janson. He clicks off the safety on the gun. 

Thomas takes a deep breath and in one smooth movement whips the launcher from Teresa's belt and shoots. The launcher's grenade sparks as it explodes on Janson's stomach. He crashes to the ground in a heap and before Thomas can't even register what is happening Teresa's hand tightens around his own and they're running. “Quick!” yells Teresa. “If Janson is out that means Ava is too!” 

The hallway is spinning and it takes all of Thomas's strength not to fall over. They are almost at the end of the corridor. Through bleary eyes Thomas can see they are almost at the hangar.  

“We’re almost there, Tom,” pants Teresa beside him. “We’re almost- 

Something is thrown into the corridor in front of them and they stop running. It takes Thomas’s hazy brain a second to realise what it is but by the time he does it’s too late.

The launcher grenade explodes at their feet and Thomas and Teresa are thrown backwards. 

Thomas hits the floor hard and cracks his head against the wall behind him. Spurts of electricity flare through his body and the smell of burning flesh hits him and he knows it’s his own skin sizzling. He tries to move but he can’t. 

He can’t move. 

“Te-Ter-Teresa,” he gasps. “Teresa.” 

He’s still holding her hand so he squeezes it. “Teresa.”

“Tom,” she says and he can barely hear her. “Tom, I can’t move.” 

They hear the click clack of heeled shoes coming down the corridor towards them. Thomas’s gaze drifts up and he sees the blurry image of Ava Paige staring down at him. Her white coat and blood red lips and the launcher in her arms are the only things he can make out. He thinks she looks like an angel of death. 

“Please, don’t,” he says. 

“Thank you for your service, Teresa,” she says. “But it is with regret that I must inform you that your services are no longer needed.” 

“No!” Thomas tries once more to move but he can’t. 

Ava points the launcher at Teresa’s chest and pulls the trigger. 

Thomas expected Teresa to scream in pain but when she remains completely silent that scares him even more. 

“Ter-Teresa… TERESA!” 

She doesn’t respond. 

Ava drops the launcher and kneels down and pushes him hard against the wall. He doesn’t have the energy to even try and fight back. She plunges something into his neck and he feels an all too familiar icy cold fill his veins. 

“Did you really think I’d ever let you leave this place, Thomas?” she asks. “I’ve spent my whole professional life looking for a cure and now I have it. I have you. You’re not leaving this place. I can’t let you.” 

Thomas feels the corners of his vision blackening. “My friends… My… My Newt… They’re here… They’ve come for me.” 

“Oh, Thomas,” she says. “Newt’s dead. Minho too. All your little friends are dead.”

“No,” says Thomas. “They’re here. Teresa sai-

“The same Teresa who betrayed you in the scorch, Thomas? You know you can’t trust her. Your friends are dead and it’s all your fault Thomas. I’m your only friend now.” 

Thomas blinks slowly as the sedative kicks in and the image of Newt’s dead body fills his mind once more. “No,” he breathes. “No.” 

“I always knew you were special, Thomas. From the first day they brought you in. Thank you for proving me right.” 

Thomas takes one last look at Teresa’s crumpled form before his world fades away. 

Ava hoists him up. She should have known the traitorous little bitch would contact Thomas’s friends. It was an oversight on her behalf and if they really are outside the building then she has no time to waste. 

She’s going to need to take everything before they have a chance to steal him away from her and she’s going to need to do it now. 

She’s going to have to drain Thomas completely.

Every last drop. 

Chapter Text

2 hours before the night in the Last City 

It gets dark quicker out here in the city than it does in the scorch, thinks Newt as he wipes the back of his neck with a piece of cloth. Teresa just removed his tracker and it took all of his strength not to take a swing at her as she was working on him. He looks out over the walled city and he can just about make out the lights of the WCKD building. He feels a heaviness in his chest and he sighs. 

He sees no way that they will be able to rescue Minho and the other Immunes and get enough serum for him and Laurence to share. It’s not as if he’ll only need one shot and he’ll be done. He’s going to need a lifetime supply and he doubts Laurence will share a single drop to be honest and it would be naive to think he would. Newt isn’t surviving this, he knows it. He can feel his own body failing him and he knows the end is coming. Going into WCKD is a suicide mission, he just hopes he lives long enough to see Minho get out of that fucking place. He looks up at the night sky and the stars and the moon and thinks this could be the last time he ever sees them. He sighs again and pockets the cloth. It’s a sobering thought. 

He’d sat with Thomas on the roof for a long time before they had decided to head back into the others and come up with a plan on how to lure Teresa back to them. Thomas had firmly rejected any plan that could in any way hurt Teresa. Newt couldn’t help but feel jealous and angry at the thought and when Thomas had run back off into the city with Gally to get Teresa that seed of jealousy had grown and grown inside him. 

He knew that Thomas would be the only one to be able to lure Teresa out of the Last City but the thoughts that these few hours were probably the last Newt would ever experience and his boyfriend was choosing to spend them with her instead hit him hard like a bullet to the head. 

Well, Thomas would be able to spend plenty of time with her soon without having to think of his crank boyfriend, thought Newt bitterly. Thomas would probably be relieved when Newt died…

Newt shakes his head and tries to stop himself from thinking like that. It’s the virus poisoning his thoughts… He knows this… He knows… 

But… 

Thomas’s eyes were on Teresa the whole time while she was working on Newt and pulling out the tracker and that ember of rage Newt had felt since he saw her through the window of the WCKD building had been burning stronger than ever. He hated that she was here and that Thomas still clearly cared about her. He hated it. When he’d look over at Thomas sitting backwards on the chair and his warm chestnut eyes were focused on Teresa and only Teresa, it made him want to burn the whole damn church to the ground. 

He still loves her. He still loves her. He still fucking loves her. 

Newt groans. His head is pounding and honestly he is feeling worse and worse by the minute but he needs to get Minho out of that hell hole. He just needs to, no matter what the cost. If the last thing he ever does is get Minho out of that damn WCKD building then he’d consider that a win. 

He feels arms wrap around his middle from behind and soft lips brush his jaw. “Hey,” says Thomas, his voice vibrating against Newt’s ear. “You okay?” 

Newt stiffens at the contact. The arms that he once felt so safe in feel fake and alien to him now. Why is he pretending to care? Does he just not want Newt to feel lonely before he dies? Newt’s stomach twists at the thought and he thinks he might be sick. He tries to bottle it down. It’s all in his head… It’s all in his head… But still… 

Thomas never denied anything that he had said about Teresa earlier.

“She really went at me with that scalpel,” says Newt, turning around in Thomas’s arms to face him. He wants to see his expression when he says his next words. “I think she enjoyed it to be honest.” 

Thomas gives him a gentle smile. “You know what she’s like,” he says. 

That’s it. That smile and that dismissal is fuel to the fire of anger in Newt’s stomach. Of course he’d just dismiss her actions like that. Of course he would. He still loves her. He still loves her. He still fucking loves her. 

And he never ever loved Newt. 

Thomas leans in to kiss him softly but Newt pulls back and looks out over the city again. “When are we leaving?” he asks, trying to ignore the kicked puppy look on Thomas’s face at being denied a kiss. How can he look so hurt when he is the one who doesn’t want this? Newt feels consumed by rage… 

“About that,” says Thomas out of the corner of his eye Newt can see him bite his lip as if he’s unsure of what to say. “I think you should stay here.”

Newt feels like the world has just crashed down around him and he turns back around to face him. “What?” he spits. 

“Newt,” starts Thomas and his voice is soft, barely more than a whisper. “You’re sick and the infection is spreading and I… I think you should stay here and wait for us to come back with the serum.” 

“No. Absolutely not. I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving Minho! I didn’t… I didn’t go through the last six months just to bail out now.” 

Thomas bites his lower lip. Newt used to find that cute but right now he just wants to hit him in his perfect little mouth. “Newt,” begins Thomas. “I’ve no idea what’s going to happen in there and I can’t… I can’t lose you.” 

Liar, thinks Newt bitterly. Liar. Liar. Liar. 

“I’m not too fond of the idea of losing you either,” says Newt and the words feel like acid on his tongue. “I told you we started this together and we are ending it too.” 

Thomas scowls, he’s starting to lose his patience. “Newt please. You saw what Brenda was like a few months ago. She was fine until she… well until she wasn’t. What if you collapse in there? What if you get sicker? I can’t… I won’t risk that.”

The fiery rage burning inside Newt finally erupts like a volcano. A part of him, the logical part of him, knows this is the flare messing with his head. He knows this. But… 

He’s dying. 

And Thomas is abandoning him.

Leaving him here to die alone. 

To go back to WCKD with her. 

Thomas reaches for his hand but he pushes him off. 

“Newt-”

“No don’t fucking touch me… don’t… just... just don't. You want to leave me here. Alone. And go back to that fucking… place with her? What is it Thomas? Afraid the crank with ruin your little date with your girlfriend?” 

Thomas glares at him and for the first time he begins to look annoyed. “Don’t.” 

“Don’t what?” Newt pushes him again. “I see the way you look at her. I may be absolutely jacked in the head but my eyes still work.” 

“I don’t have feelings for Teresa,” Thomas says simply. 

“Liar,” Newt pushes him again. “Just admit it, Thomas! Stop fucking lying to me. You want to be with her. Anyone can see it. Stop fucking pretending to give two shits about me! In case you haven’t fucking noticed I’M DYING and you want to leave me here alone to swan off holding hands into WCKD with that traitor! She kidnapped Minho, Thomas! She did. Does that not at all bother you? How can you fucking choose her? HOW?” 

Newt pushes him once more and Thomas grabs his wrists stopping him. “I’m choosing you,” he says. “You! This is for you. You. Don’t you hear me?” snaps Thomas finally raising his voice. “I want to go in there to get Minho out and get the serum for you. I want… I want to fix… to fix this. To fix all of this. I want to bring Minho home and I want to be with you, Newt. You. I want to… I just want to be with you and only you. I want to go to the Safe Haven with you. I want to kiss you. I want to build a hut by the beach with you. I want to go to bed with you. I want to wake up every morning beside you. I want to fucking spend the rest of my life with you and only you! Why is that so hard for you to get? Why don’t you believe me?” 

Newt’s head clears somewhat; he blinks and looks at Thomas. The fiery rage that burned inside him fizzles out. He looks down at the shaking hands holding onto his wrists. “Tommy, I-” 

“You’re the one who never says it,” says Thomas and his voice cracks. 

“Says what?” asks Newt but he already knows what Thomas is about to say. 

“I love you.”

And there it is. Newt opens his mouth to say something, anything but no words come. Thomas looks destroyed. A couple of nights ago Newt thought that Thomas’s heart was made of glass and that he’d cracked it. Now he feels he’s shattered it into a thousand pieces. 

“You know how I feel about you,” he replies finally.

Thomas makes a noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh. “But you never say it.“

“I do, '' counters Newt lamely but they both know the truth. He’s never once said those words to Thomas. 

“No you don’t. You don’t!” snaps Thomas. “You say ditto and that’s not the same thing. It’s not the same thing at all!”

Thomas drops Newt’s wrists and takes a step away and pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger letting out a shaky breath. Newt wants nothing more than to take him into his arms and hold him. Hold him tight and never let him go. But Thomas doesn’t need to be held; he needs to hear three words that Newt cannot say to him. 

Thomas looks in through the window of the church. Newt follows his gaze and they see Teresa taking out Frypan’s tag. 

“I don’t know what Teresa and I had before the maze,” admits Thomas. “I know… I know she was important to me but… That’s it, Newt. There’s nothing… There’s nothing like that there between us.” 

He looks back at Newt. He’s crying. He’s made Thomas cry twice today and that’s two times more than Newt would have wanted in a lifetime, never mind a couple of hours. Newt hates it when Tommy cries. It’s not like the way he sobbed over Chuck’s body or when he had the panic attack in the scorch or even on the cliff after Minho was taken. He’s heartbroken. Tears fall silently down his face and to Newt that was somehow worse than when he was a sobbing mess. 

Newt is the reason for the tears. 

“Tommy I-”

“You’re my whole world, Newt,” says Thomas. “My whole damn world. I don’t have a single memory that doesn’t involve you. Not one. And I can’t… I can’t bear the thoughts of living a life of-of creating memories that don’t involve you… You are my life, Newt.” 

Newt can feel the tears burning in his own eyes. “I-

“You lived a life before me, Newt but I don’t have a life before you. I don’t know how to live without you Newt and I don’t want to have to find out.” 

Newt opens his mouth to say something but Frypan chooses that exact moment to come outside and join them holding a cloth to the back of his neck. “That hurt like a bitch and I swear she dug deeper with that scapal then she had to she was carving me up like a Thanksgiving turkey I… ummmm are you guys okay?” 

Thomas stares Newt down daring him to say something. Anything. 

Newt has nothing to say. 

Thomas just shakes his head and checks his watch. “It’s getting late,” he says tonelessly. “I’ll get this damn tracker removed and then we are out of here.”

He storms past Frypan. 

Fry looks towards Newt who hasn’t moved a muscle. “You okay, bud?”

Newt is pretty sure he has never been less okay in his whole life. He leans against the wall heavily and sighs. “I’m fine.” 

“Doesn’t look like it to me. Did you two… have another fight?” 

“I said I'm fine, Fry,” hisses Newt.

Frypan sighs. “I can't wait until we get Minho back so I don't have to be the only one to deal with you two and your domestics anymore,” and he walks back into the church leaving Newt alone.  

Newt allows himself to fall down onto his ass on the cold concrete ground and he covers his face with his hands. 

He’s fucked everything up. Everything. 

This is the worst pain he’s ever experienced in his life and he doesn’t mean the fucking flare. 

**

34 days after the night in the Last City 

The WCKD Compound

The Hangar 

Newt fiddles with the bracelet around his wrist as he struggles to find the words to tell Minho about what he remembers from before the maze. He’s sat on this secret since he woke up in the med hut over a month ago, free of the virus but plagued by memories. In ways having the flare wasn’t as cruel as being landed with the knowledge of what happened in the days before he was sent up into the glade but he knew he had to voice them before he saw Thomas again. He had to speak them out loud and the only person in the world he trusted with this was Minho.  

“Like I was telling you on the berg, Thomas and I had a big fight like a really big fight after I found out he was part of the other side. I told him I hated him and I never wanted to see him again.” Newt twirls a loose thread on the bracelet round his pinky. “He kept trying to explain himself to me but I… I wouldn’t listen. He left me letters in my room but I ripped them up and never read them. He came down to my quarters every night to speak to me but I wouldn’t let him into my room. This went on for weeks and he never stopped trying to talk to me but I wouldn’t even look at him. I couldn’t look at him. About a month after I broke up with him… I ummm I was told that I was the next one to be sent up into the maze and… fuck… I was relieved, Minho. I was actually relieved because it meant I’d finally be away from Thomas. I wouldn’t have to see him every day. Being in that fucking maze sounded like paradise compared to being anywhere near him.” 

Newt stops playing with the bracelet and runs his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. “The morning I was due to be sent up I was just lying down on a bed in some lab waiting for them to do the procedure to wipe my memories. I remember being excited to get my memories wiped. I wouldn’t remember Thomas anymore. I wouldn’t even remember I’d ever even known anyone called Thomas… and I was so fucking happy to think that. The doctor was almost finished up and was waiting for the sedative to kick in before he ran the memory wipe and he had to step out for something and… and Thomas just walked into the lab. I couldn’t bear to face him so I pretended to be asleep. And… I remember… I remember that he took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles just like he used to every night when we were together and… and he told me everything that I never gave him a chance to explain to me.” 

“What did he say?” 

Newt closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall. “He said that in the beginning he used to really believe WCKD were doing the right thing, when he was very young and Ava and Janson filled his head with stories about all of us being the chosen children but… the older he got and the more he got to know all of us and when the kids in the maze were his actual friends and not just names on spreadsheets… and when he realised not everyone was going to make it out of the maze alive things changed for him. He saw WCKD for what they really were. They weren’t nurturing kids to put an end to this virus, they were sacrificing kids. He didn’t believe in WCKD anymore and he argued with the head researchers a lot. Especially Janson. So Janson had to find a way to shut him up. He… He needed something to put Thomas in his place… To blackmail him with… He started following Thomas and he… he found out about us and he knew I wasn’t immune to the flare so he told Thomas that if he didn’t work on the maze project and put his all into finding a cure then he’d purposely infect me.”

“Oh,” says Minho. He feels like he’s just been punched in the gut. He’s lost for words. He always knew Janson was a snake but wow.

“So Tom-Tommy kept quiet and continued working on the maze every day to keep me safe,” says Newt with a sniff. “But… but he… he still couldn’t cope with seeing his friends suffer so the whole time he was working up there he was manipulating the maze to try and make sure nobody died. He reprogrammed the grievers so they were slower and tried to simplify the maze so the gladers would solve it. He got away with it for a long time but Janson… Janson caught him delaying the doors closing on the maze one night so one of the runners would make it back.” 

“Shit.” 

“Janson gave him a choice,” says Newt after a long pause. He starts fiddling with the bracelet again. It suddenly feels tight on his wrist as if it will cut off his circulation. “Either I got thrown into the crank pit or sent up into the maze.” 

Minho has no idea what a crank pit is exactly but he can imagine and he knows if given the choice between a crank pit or the maze he knows which one he’d have chosen. 

“That was the day I found out he was working on the maze. The day I told him I hated him.” Newt is quiet for a few moments. “He told me he was sorry and that he loves me, that he loves me so much and that he was going to fix this. He knew someone who used to work with WCKD called Mary who was going to help him stop all of this. It would take time but he told me he’d get me out of the maze that he’d get us all out… That I just… I had to stay strong and wait for him. To just… to wait for him. And well you heard Vince back in the Safe Haven. You know what happened next.”

Minho sighs. He always knew his Thomas and the Thomas that worked for WCKD didn’t line up in his head as being the same person and he feels relief knowing he hadn’t been wrong about him. Thomas had always been on their side during this war. From the beginning. It brings Minho more comfort than he thought was even possible. The dumb shank always had a heart of gold. Of course he did. “Shit,” he says.

“Yeah,” says Newt. “Shit. That day I saw him in the control room looking at the maze I… my heart broke. I thought  I knew him but he’d been working with them the whole time and I hated him. He broke my heart that day and I hated him. He broke me in a way I didn’t even think a person could be broken. The memory wipe took everything from me Minho except that brokenness. There was always something inside of me stopping me from telling Tommy that I loved him and that was it. That broken feeling that hurt from finding out he was on the other side I kept that with me. WCKD let me keep that and nothing else… It was like I remembered being hurt… being broken in the past and I couldn’t let myself be hurt like that again… So I could never tell him I loved him…  He was the reason I couldn’t love him and none of it was even his fault. It was WCKD. It was always fucking WCKD.” 

“Newt-”

“All his life he’s only ever tried to protect me,” says Newt. “Even when he thought I hated him. He would have died if he thought it meant I’d get out of the maze… I think I could live to be ninety nine and it wouldn’t be enough time for me to pay him back.” 

“We both know he doesn’t want to be paid back, Newt.” 

“I owe him so much.”

“Just tell him how you feel when we get him back, knowing that romantic idiot that will be more than enough.” 

“He deserves so much more than me,” says Newt. 

Minho puts his hand on Newt’s knee. “You’re all he ever needed, Newt. Only you.” 

Newt is about to protest when Fry calls out to them from the other side of the hanger. “Guys? Don’t you think this is taking a bit too long? Where’s Thomas and Teresa?” 

Minho glances at his watch again and grimaces. “He’s right,” he says. “I say we go and find them ourselves.” 

Gally and Fry run over to them. “No way we are letting you run into that freaking Frankenstein lab on your own,” says Gally. 

“Let’s go get our boy,” nods Fry in agreement. 

Newt nods. “Let’s go get Tommy,” he says nobody comments on the shakiness in his voice or the tears on his cheeks.  

Minho stands and tentatively opens the door. 

The hallways are dark and eerie and Newt doesn’t like this one bit. He, Minho, Gally and Fry walk down the corridor gently bumping open each door on their way to check if Thomas is inside but of course he isn’t. The whole place seems deserted. Newt is beginning to think that maybe this is a trick after all and that Thomas isn’t here at all and that Thomas was never here and that-

Then he turns down the corridor and that’s when he sees her. She’s slumped against the wall, her long hair fanned out over her face. 

Teresa. 

“Holy shit,” breathes Newt before the four boys race across the corridor towards her. Newt crashes down onto his knees beside her and ignores the fiery burst of pain that shoots up his leg. “Teresa?” 

She doesn’t react to her name. She doesn’t react at all. 

The first thing that hits Minho is the smell of burning. He glances down at Teresa and sees the singed holes in her shirt from the launcher grenade. He knows all too well what it feels like to be shot by one of those damn things and by the looks of things she was hit twice. His stomach flips at the thought of it. 

“Teresa,” says Newt again. He puts his hand on her shoulder softly and gives her a gentle shake. “Teresa? Teresa, can you hear me?”

Blearily and slowly Teresa opens her eyes and glances up at them. It seems to take all her strength and her eyes instantly close again. 

“Teresa,” says Minho. “Hey… just stay with us, okay? Stay with us.” 

“What happened?” asks Gally. “Where’s Thomas?” 

Teresa blinks up at them again. Her eyes find Newt’s. “I-I tried,” she says. “I-I tried… to… to do the ri-right thing… I tried.” 

“Teresa, what happened?” asks Newt. 

“Ava,” she says. “Ava… she-she knows… She knows you’re here… She’s… oh God… she’s going to dr-drain him completely… She’s going-going to kill him… New-Newt you have to-to find him… Before it’s too late… He’s so-so weak… so tired… He won’t las-last long… Newt… Newt please.” 

Newt feels his body turn to ice. He can’t lose him now. He just can’t lose Thomas now. 

He stands, Teresa’s eyes follow him and he isn’t sure what to say or do. “Teresa,” he starts and he still doesn’t know how he is going to finish this sentence. “Thank you for calling me,” says Newt finally. 

Teresa gives him the weakest of smiles. “Tell him.. Tell him I’m sorry,” she says. Her eyes drift to Minho’s. “Minho… Minho I’m sorry too.. For-for everything. I know… I know it can’t take b-back what I did to you… But… I’m sorry. I really am. I’m so sorry for everything I did to you.” 

“I-,” Minho starts but he isn’t sure what he’s going to say. Suddenly all the anger he’s felt since that day on the mountains when he found out Teresa betrayed them seems to melt away. The hatred he’s held onto for months just isn’t there. Instead of anger when he looks at Teresa and her broken body he just feels… He just feels…

Sad. 

He hasn’t forgiven her. Not yet and maybe part of him never will but she was also a victim of WCKD. He can see that now as he looks at her. After everything she did for WCKD they didn’t hesitate to shoot her down once her usefulness had ended. Less than ten minutes ago Minho thought he’d be able to do the same. He thought he’d be able to take Thomas from her and leave her behind to her fate. Minho is a lot of things.

But he isn’t fucking WCKD. 

“Gally,” says Minho. “I want you and Frypan to take Teresa back to the berg and tell Jorge to come and pick us up. By the time you get back here we’ll have Thomas.” 

“Minho-” starts Teresa and she tries to move but winces. “You don’t have to bring-bring me wit-with you… Aft-after everything I did… I-” 

“I’ve watched too many people die when I could have done something about it, Teresa,” he says. “I’m not watching you die too. So for once in your life don’t fight me on this and just let Gally carry you back to the berg and Newt and I will go get Thomas.” 

Teresa stares at him. She doesn’t deserve this. They should leave her. She doesn’t deserve to step foot in the Safe Haven. To live a life with them. She feels Gally scoop her up into his arms and she has no energy to fight him off, to tell him to leave her there. 

“Just leg it to the berg and get back here as quickly as you can,” says Minho standing up and joining Newt who has already started to run down the corridor in the direction of the lab. “We’ll be right back!” he yells over his shoulder as he pounds after Newt. 

Teresa blinks and her vision becomes hazy as she watches Minho and Newt run towards the lab. Her last thought before she loses consciousness is that she hopes they make it in time. 

**

The WCKD Compound

The Lab 

Thomas opens his eyes and he’s being held back by strong arms. Every part of him hurts. Bones and muscles he didn’t even know he had throb and ache. He itches to fall asleep again to fade away back into the darkness. One second he was holding Teresa’s hand and running down the corridors at the WCKD Compound and now he’s… he’s… 

He doesn’t know where he is. He looks around the space. He is in a dark corridor, a cold concrete wall to his right and a chain link fence to his left. There’s a loud rumble and roar from behind the fence and Thomas thinks there’s something pushing up against it but he can’t make out what that might be. 

“Look at me when I’m talking to you,” barks a voice in front of him and Thomas tiredly brings his eyes away from the fence and looks up. 

It’s Janson. He’s younger. His salt and pepper hair is more pepper than salt. Thomas doesn’t understand… He… he shot him with a launcher just… just a few minutes ago, right? How can he look younger now? Thomas blinks and Janson’s image blurs… It’s his headache messing with him…

There’s something telling him it’s more than that though… Something about this isn’t right… but his mind feels like a fog. 

“You think you can try and tear down all the hard work we’ve accomplished and face no consequences, Thomas?” asks Janson. 

Thomas doesn’t know what he’s talking about. His head is pounding and the strong arms holding him aren’t letting up. “Where’s Teresa?” he rasps. 

"Well I think it’s time you faced your punishment, Thomas,” says Janson, ignoring his question. 

The lights in the corridor flick on and the sudden flash hits Thomas like a bullet. He feels like a firework has just exploded in his head. His head is banging… banging… banging…

Thomas groans. 

The banging isn’t in his head. 

Roaring and howling bodies crash into the fence. Cranks. They spit and growl and snap and claw at the fence. They are well past the gone. The sound is deafening like thunder. Thomas flinches away but the arms holding him are firm and he can’t move. He tries to look up at who is holding him but he can’t see their face. 

“Stay still,” barks the voice of the man holding him. 

This only makes Thomas squirm more. He elbows the man in the sternum and he feels the arms holding him loosen slightly… He’s going to break free and get out of here. He’s-

“Tommy?” 

Thomas freezes at the voice and the arms around him pull him in tight but Thomas can barely feel them. 

“Newt,” breathes Thomas s he searches for him. “Newt!” 

Newt is standing behind the fence in a cordoned off section. The cranks can’t reach him but neither can Thomas. Thomas starts squirming in his captor’s grip once more. 

“Let me fucking go!” 

The arms coil around him more and lift him off the floor. Thomas kicks uselessly as he tries to break free. 

Thomas can’t take his eyes off Newt…. He looks… he doesn’t look like his Newt. This Newt is younger. Thomas doesn’t understand. His Newt is about 21 but the boy in front of him looks to be about 15 or 16. How? 

Thomas’s headache suddenly intensifies… His vision whites out and he screams…

Subject isn’t reacting as anticipated to visions… Upping Fear Serum dosage by 5mgs…  

Thomas’s vision comes back and he looks around… He just heard Ava Paige’s voice but he can’t see her anywhere. Her voice seemed to come from everywhere all at once as if she was on a loudspeaker but nobody else seems to have heard her… 

Thomas… Thomas doesn’t understand what’s going on. His heart is thumping in his chest and he just wants… He wants Newt but the arms holding him won’t let go. 

Newt is just there behind the fence begging him to help him but he can’t… He can’t…  He starts to cry in frustration. 

“You’ve been very distracted recently, Thomas,” says Janson in a singsong voice. “We can’t be having that, I’m afraid.” 

“Don’t,” says Thomas between sobs. “Please. Let Newt go. Please just open the door.” 

Janson quirks an eyebrow at him and smirks and Thomas all too late realises the mistake he’s made. 

“Open the door?” asks Janson teasingly, pulling a remote control from his pocket. “As you wish.” 

Janson releases the door to the section Newt is in. 

Not the door that leads to Thomas. 

The door that leads to the cranks. 

The cranks flood the pen like a wave and Thomas screams and screams as Newt cries out for someone... for anyone to help him…. The sounds of tearing flesh and crushing bones fill the corridors and no matter how loudly Thomas screams he can’t drown out the sound of his boyfriend being torn apart by the cranks. 

Janson yanks Thomas’s chin up so he faces him. Thomas clenches his eyes shut… Newt is still screaming… 

“That boy would still be alive if it wasn’t for you Thomas,” sneers Janson. “How does that feel? Was it worth it Thomas? If you had just left him alone he’d be happy and healthy but you had to seek him out, didn’t you? You couldn’t just leave him alone, could you? You’re a selfish little brat and it just cost your little boyfriend his life.” 

Newt finally stops screaming. Thomas is a sobbing mess. "This isn't real," he cries. "This didn't happen… You're messing with my head… Newt didn't die here…He didn't… He didn't. Thomas's headache suddenly intensifies again. And his world whites out once more. 

Subject still not reacting as hoped to the serum… Increasing dosage again… 

Thomas opens his eyes and he’s running. He’s running so fast he feels like he’s about to cough up a lung. His feet are pounding hard on the concrete floor with each step. 

“That corridor is changing!” yells Minho in front of him. “Come on!” 

Thomas looks around him, he isn’t in the corridor with the crank pit any more. It’s the night they got stuck in the maze. Thomas’s headache pulses harshly.  This... this isn’t right… 

That… that doesn’t make any sense. 

This… this isn’t real… 

His headache flares in his skull and he trips and almost falls but a strong arm reaches out and grabs him and a hand intertwines their fingers with his own. 

Thomas looks up as Newt races on still holding his hand. 

“I-I was nev-er cu-cut out to be a Run-Runner,” pants Newt. 

Thomas freezes…

No. 

This isn’t right… Newt wasn’t in the maze that night. 

Thomas stops running and Newt is jerked back and turns to face him confused. “Come-come on, Tommy,” he says. “R-Run!” 

“This-this isn’t real,” says Thomas. “This… isn’t how this happened. You’re not supposed to be here.” 

Newt tilts his head. “Pretty sure none of us are supposed to be in a fucking maze with a griever chasing us, Tommy.” 

Thomas pulls his hand from Newt’s and sinks to his knees as he puts his hands on his head. He swears his skull is about to burst like a party balloon. 

“This isn’t real,” he gasps. 

“Subject is too aware of the serum and visions and it is affecting the results of the withdrawal. Increasing dosage.” 

Thomas looks around at the sound of Ava Paige’s voice. It was just like before in the corridor.. Her voice was everywhere but nowhere. “Did you hear that?” he asks wide eyed. 

Minho is shouting at them to run but Thomas ignores him. 

“Tommy, I-

Thomas feels a whoosh of air as something big leaps over him and crashes into Newt. 

For the second time in only a few minutes Thomas hears Newt’s terrified screams echo around him. 

Thomas can’t move but this time there are no arms holding him down. He just cannot move his body. He feels anchored to the spot as he watches the griever tear Newt apart. Newt’s screams here are louder than the crank pit… 

This isn’t happening… It… it isn’t real… Newt wasn’t in the maze that night… He wasn’t… It was only Minho, Alby and himself and Alby was unconscious the whole time. Newt wasn’t there. He wasn’t… He wasn’t… 

Newt keeps screaming. Minho has jumped on the griever now too. He’s thumping it and kicking it and hitting any part of it he can reach. He’s screaming for Thomas to help but Thomas can’t move… He… He… He feels dizzy… He blinks and there’s a black fog in the corners of his eyes… 

The griever flings Minho hard against a wall and he flops bonelessly to the ground. He doesn’t move anymore. The griever lifts its sharp taloned foot up and brings it down hard on Newt’s torso.

Newt screams stop. 

The griever lifts its head and turns to face Thomas. Thomas expects it to strike out at him. To kill him too. He finds he wants it to. He wants this all to end… He just wants it to end. 

The griever doesn’t strike him though. 

It opens its mouth and it’s Janson’s voice that speaks to Thomas. 

"You killed your little boyfriend," teases Janson the griever. "He came back to help you and you let me rip him apart like a child opening a Christmas present. You could have saved him, Thomas... but you killed him instead. How does that make you feel, Thomas?” 

Thomas buries his head in his hands. “Just kill me. Please… Just… just end this.” 

“Oh, Thomas,” sneers the Janson griever. “We are only getting started.” 

Ava’s voice booms around him once more… 

Blood samples are 78% more effective at fighting the flare. Still not good enough for a final extraction… Upping serum dosage by another 5mgs 

The scene changes again and Thomas is in the glade. It’s night time and the doors aren't closing. 

Why aren't the doors closing? 

He… he doesn’t remember how he got here. He… he was just in the maze… there was a griever there and Newt and Minho… no… no he was in the basement with the crank pit in he WCKD Compound… No he’d been running to the hangar with Teresa…

Thomas blinks again… He feels really dizzy… The world around him seems to be spinning too fast. He has no idea what is real and what isn’t. 

Then he hears the first monstrous screech and two grievers are racing towards him…  

Shit. He should run. He knows he should but his legs don’t seem to want to. Someone snatches onto his arm and drags him away. He trips over his own feet but manages not to fall. Teresa holds his hand firmly and doesn’t let go. 

Thomas’s headache pulses. He was just running with Teresa, right? But how? How could he have been running in a corridor when they are in the glade? 

They run across the glade and Thomas doesn't let go of Teresa. They are making their way towards the homestead and the whole glade is in chaos. Everywhere Thomas looks he sees bodies. 

So many bodies. 

The screams of the boys and the screeches of the grievers are deafening. He can barely think over the riot. 

Then Teresa trips and takes Thomas with her as she falls and they hit the ground together. 

Thomas tries to get up quickly and that is when he sees what or rather who Teresa tripped over. 

It's Winston and his stomach has been torn apart. His unseeing eyes staring up at the night sky.  

But... but that's not right. Winston... Winston didn't die in the glade. Winston didn't-

"Thomas come on," snaps Teresa as she gets to her feet and begins tugging at Thomas to get up. "We gotta run!" 

Thomas's head hurts... This isn't what happened. "This isn't happening," he says.

Teresa is still pulling at him. "This is happening, Tom! This is real and this is happening. We need to run now!" 

" But," begins Thomas and his headache suddenly worsens, his vision flickers black and when he opens his eyes Teresa is giving him a concerned look. 

"Tom, are you ok-" 

There's an earth shattering screech and suddenly Teresa is thrown across the glade. 

A griever is on top of her and Thomas is frozen. He can't move… He feels as if he’s been superglued to the grass. This... this didn't happen. A griever didn't attack Teresa the night of the griever invasion and Newt and Minho weren’t trapped in the maze overnight and Newt was never thrown into a crank pit... No... this... this isn't real. It can't be… None of this is real.  

“Subject continues to fight against the serum. Increasing speed of withdrawal and upping dosage of serum by another 5mgs.”

The glade fades away and Thomas is in the shopping centre the night they escaped the WCKD Compound. He’s running again… Why is he always fucking running? 

“This way!” barks Minho as he races across what used to be a food court. 

Thomas trudges after him doing his best to keep up but he feels as if he’s running through water. His legs aren’t working properly… It’s getting very hard to breathe as if there just isn’t enough air in the building… 

The lights in the mall suddenly flash before blacking out and they flash again… 

Thomas thinks he might throw up. He just wants to lie on the floor and stay there forever. 

“Subject’s heart rate is getting dangerously low. Body appears to be beginning to shut down. No option but to continue with withdrawal.” 

Thomas stumbles on but runs straight into a table. He falls to the floor. He tries to pick himself up but… he can’t get up. The cranks are coming but he doesn’t care… Maybe if he lets them take him then all this will stop… 

He just wants it to stop. 

Minho turns when he realises Thomas isn’t following him. He never sees the cranks until it’s too late. 

Thomas screams into his hands as Minho’s death cries echo around him and his world whites out once more. 

Subject is reacting better to serum. Upping dosage again. Withdrawal is almost complete. 

He’s on the cliff with Newt the day they kissed. The setting sun warms his skin. He turns and Newt is there. His perfect Newt. There’s no cranks or grievers and he isn’t sick with the flare. He’s just… Newt. His Newt. 

Thomas blinks half expecting Newt to disappear but he’s still there when he opens his eyes again. He throws himself at him and wraps his arms around him. “Please be real,” he breathes. “I need you to be real… I just need you to be real.” 

Newt doesn’t hug him back. “You’re right,” he says. 

Thomas doesn’t let go. His headache booms. “About what?” 

Newt pulls away. “You should have died that night in the maze. None of this would have happened if you just died. Alby would still be alive and Chuck, Zart, Clint, Jeff, Gally, Winston… Minho never would have been taken.” 

Newt stands and so does Thomas. A wave of dizziness hits him and he stumbles… He can hear a faint beeping. It sounds like a heart monitor… But it’s too slow to be a heart monitor… It sounds far away… 

“Newt, I-” says Thomas reaching for Newt. Newt grabs his arms forcibly. Thomas loses his balance and one of his feet slips over the edge of the cliff. He almost plummets over but Newt holds him firm. Thomas scrambles for purchase on the cliff edge but his body is too tired and he can’t find his footing. “I’m sorry, Newt,” he says. “I’m so sorry. I love you… Please, Newt. Please.” 

“You ruined everything, Thomas,” says Newt coldy. He’s holding Thomas over the edge fully now. Thomas wants nothing more than Newt to just drop him. He deserves it. 

Subject’s heart rate is critically low… 55 beats per minute. Body is failing and the subject is struggling to breathe. It won’t be long now. Increasing withdrawal speed once more to collect as much blood as possible as sample collected post-mortem is unlikely to be as effective. 

The words dance around Thomas but he can make no sense of them. He… he’s so tired. He can feel his eyes drooping shut. He’s gasping between sobs. His head is fuzzy and he’s cold… He’s so cold… 

Heart rate has dropped again to 51 beats per minute. I- 

Ava’s voice suddenly stops and Thomas can hear banging and gunshots and shouting. It sounds like Newt and Minho… But that… that doesn’t make any sense… Minho is gone and Newt is here and he isn’t speaking… 

Thomas tries to pull away from Newt but he falls backwards over the cliff. 

Minho! We have to get him down from this thing. We have to disconnect him from all this shit… Now! Thomas? Thomas! Thomas just hold on…. I’m here… I’m coming for you… Can you hear me, love? I’m here! 

Thomas thinks he’s falling in slow motion. If this is what dying feels like he thinks it’s not so bad. His head isn’t pulsing anymore and he can’t feel his aching limbs anymore… He can’t feel anything… Newt said he’s coming for him but he doesn’t understand how. He thinks maybe if he closes his eyes Newt will be there waiting for him. 

Thomas closes his eyes and everything fades to black. 

Chapter Text

The night in the Last City 

The launcher bullets explode against the wall by Thomas's head. He feels the hot sparks burst around him and he feels one or two catch him on the shoulder and burn through his clothes. He reaches for Newt’s hand and Newt grabs onto him. They’ve barely said five words to each other since their fight outside the church yet just holding Newt’s hand in his own sends waves of comfort through Thomas’s whole body. 

An hour earlier when Newt was standing waiting for him in the full WCKD guard gear outside the church after Thomas got his tag removed he didn’t have it in him to fight him anymore. He just… He couldn’t fight him on it so when Newt followed him, Gally and Teresa into the city he said nothing. Newt wouldn’t listen anyway. Every part of Thomas was screaming that Newt should be back at the church resting but as Newt intertwines his fingers with Thomas’s own Thomas finds he is glad Newt is here with him. 

And he feels like a selfish piece of shit for thinking that. 

Another bullet fires past Thomas and this one wasn’t from a launcher. 

Shit. 

He can hear Janson and his men closing the distance behind them and as he, Newt and Minho turn a corner the hallway is blocked by half a dozen armed guards.

Double shit. 

They are cornered. 

One of the guards raises his launcher and Thomas scans the hallway and they are standing just outside an office. “In here come on,” he barks as he pulls open the door and ushers Newt and Minho inside. 

Thomas bangs the door closed behind them. His heart is hammering in his chest. He hears Minho and Newt frantically looking around the room as he deadbolts the door. 

That won’t hold them back for long… He looks around the room and curses under his breath. He couldn't have locked them in a worse office if he tried. 

All that is in the office are papers and files. Nothing to help them. The back wall is purely made of glass and Thomas runs over to it and looks down. They were 20 storeys up and the drop leads to a concrete car park below. 

No fire escape and nothing to hold onto. 

It’s just a drop.

There’s absolutely no surviving that fall.

This is it. 

Over six months of fighting every day, over six months of chasing ghosts, over six months of  losing friends and this was how it ends. In some stupid fucking secretarial office in the Last City. 

A loud bang reverberates through the room as the guards outside begin to use equipment to break down the door. 

He feels Newt take his hand again and lace their fingers together. “It’s okay,” says Newt softly. 

Thomas looks down at their interlocked fingers. He turns his body to face Newt and looks at him. He looks terrible. His skin is pasty and the black veins of the flare have now crawled up his neck as far as his ears. His blond hair is stuck to his head in sweat. His beautiful chocolate eyes are dull and bloodshot. He looks exhausted. He is dying and it is all Thomas's fault. The fight outside the church feels like a millennium ago now. He regrets that one of the last conversations he’s ever going to have with Newt was a stupid fucking argument. They are going to be dead in a few minutes. 

“No it's not,” says Thomas, his voice cracks. “It's not okay.”

Newt gives him the weakest of smiles before kissing him chastely. His lips are dry and warm. He leans his forehead against Thomas's and he is burning up. 

“You're right it's not but we are here together.”

Newt pulls back and looks at Thomas. The fury he felt all day is gone. When he looks at Thomas now he doesn’t see a liar or a cheat or a boy who is in love with someone else. He just sees Tommy. His Tommy. “You'll think of something, Tommy. You always do.”

“Not this time,” says Thomas. 

Newt gives him a sorrow filled look and Thomas thinks if they are going to die here at least he has Newt and that notion that he is a selfish prick for being glad Newt is here flares up in him again but he shuts it down. He doesn’t have time to think like that. Thomas pulls Newt's shirt and he crashes their lips together. This kiss is anything but chaste. 

“I love you so much,” says Thomas between kisses. He doesn’t care if Newt won’t say it back. He has to tell him. He needs to make sure Newt knows before Janson opens that door and shoots them all in the head. 

Minho clears his throat awkwardly and the boys break apart quickly.  

“Can't believe I missed Newtmas becoming canon,'' says Minho with a smirk. 

Despite the situation Thomas laughs and Newt does too. “Newtmas seriously? Why does he get his whole name and I only get mas?”

“Cause I'm the hotter one.”

“Whatever.”

“And the older one.”

Thomas scoffs. 

“And the taller one as well.” 

“Fuck off, Newt.”  

“You know it's true.”

The door bangs again and instinctively Thomas pushes Newt behind him shielding his body with his own. Thomas grips his hand even tighter. Newt’s hand is clammy in his own but Thomas doesn’t care. 

The door swings open and Janson breezes through it like a phantom. 

“End of the line boys,” he says with a sneer as he flashes a devilish smile. 

Janson and three WCKD guards walk into the centre of the room. The guards have their launchers trained on them. 

Newt looks at Thomas. If the younger boy is frightened he doesn’t show it. 

“You know, Thomas,” says Janson stepping forward, he casually swings his gun as if it’s a toy. Thomas takes a step back and tries to make himself bigger to block Newt from Janson’s view.  

“I warned Ava Paige about you. Back when you betrayed us. I told her that even a memory wipe wouldn’t be enough for trouble like you. But you were the golden boy, the cream of the crop, nothing you could do would ever be enough to convince her that you needed to be stopped. Permanently.” 

Thomas grips Newt’s hand tighter still. 

“Ava insisted you were special, she wanted to give you another chance. Wipe your memories and tear away the parts of you that made you you and send you into that fucking maze. I knew it wouldn’t work but she insisted. Anything for you Thomas. You were always the favourite after all.”

Janson stalks forward again and Thomas has backed away so much he and Newt are almost pressed against the window. 

“But we were too fancy,” continues Janson. “We wasted time sending you into that maze and letting you run around the scorch and disrupt our organisation for six months but the game is over now, Thomas. I’m going to do what I should have done back then and it would have saved everyone an awful lot of time and pain.”

Janson raises his gun aiming at Thomas’s head. “You can’t just shoo away vermin and hope it doesn’t come back. The only way to get rid of a rat like you, Thomas, is to exterminate it.”

Thomas isn’t scared. Well, he is, but just not of dying. He’s scared about what will happen to Newt and Minho after Janson shoots him. He never meant for any of this to happen. He silently prays to whoever will listen to him to save Newt and Minho. 

“Goodbye, Thomas,” says Janson. 

Thomas scrunches his eyes shut and waits for the gunshot… 

“JANSON WAIT!”

Teresa bursts into the room holding a tablet and a vial of something blue in her hand. “You can’t kill him. You can’t!”

Janson barely even looks at her. “Oh, I think I can.”

“He’s the cure. It’s him. Thomas is the cure.”

All the air seems to suck out of the room at once. Thomas just stares at her. He understands every word that just came out of her mouth but not in that order. What the hell does she mean that he’s the cure? 

Janson turns to face her. “What?” 

“A serum made from his blood was given to someone who’d been bitten at the Right Arm’s base in the mountains six months ago and they are still functioning now, Janson. No symptoms, no side effects. She never needed a second dose or booster or any other form of treatment. You would never think she’d even been bitten at all. He cured her!” 

Janson gaze flicks to Thomas and then back to Teresa. 

“When I removed his tracker earlier I took a piece of cloth with his blood on it and I ran a test and just take a look,” she slams the tablet into Janson’s hands and he studies it. 

“Janson, it isn’t just slowing down the virus, it’s destroying it.”

Thomas’s head is spinning. He’s the cure. Him. How? It doesn’t make any sense… But he thinks back to that day in the med tent. Mary said that Brenda would always need more serum. But she’s been absolutely fine since that day. He’s never even heard her so much as complain about having a headache. He thinks of Lawrence too and how even on a drip of the serum he was still infected and getting worse. 

Teresa is right. 

He is the cure. 

Him. It’s been him all along. 

That means that… that…  They can’t kill him. 

But the same doesn’t go for Newt and Minho… 

Thomas looks at Newt. Thomas squeezes Newt’s hand and with his heart falling into a black abyss he knows what he has to do. It’s been him all along after all.  He promised him that no matter what the cost he’d save Minho… 

And he damn sure isn’t about to break that promise. 

“Give the cure to Newt and let him and Minho go and then you can do whatever the hell you want to me,” says Thomas. 

“WHAT?” Shouts Newt and Minho 

Janson laughs. “And what makes you think you are in any position to make demands?”

Thomas pulls his gun from its holster and raises it to his own temple.

Newt tugs at him. “Tommy, no!”

“You either give that cure to Newt and let him and Minho walk out of here or I shoot myself in the head and you can say goodbye to your precious little cure.”

“Thomas, no,” Newt is still pulling at his hand. “You can’t… no.”

Thomas looks at Newt but doesn’t lower the gun. “You said I always come up with a plan, Newt. And this is it. This is the plan.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Newt blinks tears filling his eyes.

Thomas gives him a weak smile. “Love you too.”

Thomas turns back to Janson. “Do we have a deal or am I redecorating this room with the inside of my head?”

Janson scowls at him. He curses under his breath. “Teresa,” he sighs defeated. “Give him the serum.” 

Teresa doesn’t move and Janson has to bark at her again before she snaps out of it and shakily steps towards Thomas and Newt with the injector in her hand. She takes Newt’s hand in her own and rolls up his sleeve. Thomas’s heart skips a beat when he sees that the mass of black veins is worse than it was even a few hours ago. His skin is unnaturally warm and clammy under her fingers. She looks up at him. “You’re going to feel a slight pinch,” she says. 

Newt’s whole world is falling apart around him he couldn’t give a fuck about the pinch of a needle when his boyfriend is threatening to blow his own fucking brains out and hand himself over to WCKD. 

She plunges the injector just below the crook of his elbow and Newt instantly sways and Minho races forward and catches him. Thomas tightens his grip on his hand and still holds the gun to his own head with the other. 

“Can you walk?” asks Thomas softly to Newt once the initial wave of drowsiness passes. 

Newt looks over at him. “I think so,” he says barely more than a whisper. 

Thomas gives him a broken smile. “Good,” he says. “Now get the hell out out of here.”

“Tommy, I-”

Thomas finally lowers the gun to lean forward and press his mouth against Newt’s in their final kiss. His first thought is that he wants it to be chaste and gentle, Newt may have just been given the serum but he’s still sick but… He doesn’t want to be gentle and sweet. Not now. If this is to be their last kiss he wants to be able to feel the ghost of Newt’s mouth on his own for hours. He wants Newt’s taste to linger on his lips.  He drops Newt’s hand and puts his hand on the back of Newt’s head and pulls him in closer. Newt parts his lips and Thomas takes the invitation eagerly. Thomas kisses him like he’d always wanted to kiss him. Newt is everything to Thomas. Everything. His whole damn world and he kisses him like that. Like they are one, two halves of the same coin, two inseparable forces, like the very future of the world depends on this. Depends on them. And in a way it feels like it does. 

Thomas may be the cure but Newt has always been his medicine. 

In what feels like an eternity but also no time at all Thomas pulls away. He leans his forehead against Newt’s. The tears streaming down Newt’s cheeks mix with his own. “I love you so much.”

“I-” Newt freezes. Even now he can't say it. He feels like there is a vice tightening his chest he can’t breathe. He can’t speak. 

He can’t fucking say it. 

Thomas gives him a watery smile. “It’s okay,” he whispers. He kisses him softly once more. “You don’t have to say it. It’s okay.” 

“Tommy, I-”

“This is all very sweet,” says Janson. “But please can we get a move on before I change my mind.” 

Thomas pulls away from Newt and the intense emptiness Newt feels is beyond anything he’s ever felt before. Newt sways again. He is feeling very woozy. 

“Go,” says Thomas firmly. “Go and it’s okay. Don’t come back for me. Okay? Just… Go and live, alright?”

This isn’t happening. It can’t be happening. Thomas can’t actually expect them to leave him here… Newt can’t bring himself to say anything. He doesn’t know what to say. His throat feels like it’s closing up and he can’t speak. He can’t even nod. This can’t be happening… It’s the flare messing with his head… This isn’t real… It can’t be. It just… it can’t be. 

Minho puts an arm around his shoulder to steady him but Newt can barely feel it. As soon as Thomas backed away from him to hold the gun to his own head once more his whole body went numb. Only Thomas’s touch can bring him back. It’s only ever been Thomas. They can’t leave him here, they just can’t. 

“It’s okay, Newt,” says Thomas, his voice soft. That special softness Thomas reserves just for Newt and it sounds so wrong when he has a gun to his head and is giving himself up to WCKD. 

Minho squeezes Newt’s shoulder. “This wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”

Thomas gives him a weak smile. “Since when has anything ever happened the way it’s supposed to when I’m around?” 

Minho hates this. He wants to fight. But… He looks at the guards around him. All of them have weapons. Newt is weak from the flare and the cure pulsing through his system fighting it and he himself isn't long awake after sedation. They don’t stand a chance. Thomas is the only one that these sickos need alive; they won’t think twice about killing them… They would just go down as collateral damage. 

Minho can’t believe that barely fifteen minutes ago he was the happiest he’d ever been in his living memory hugging the two people who mean more to him than anyone else in the world and now… He’s never felt more broken in his life. None of the warped visions WCKD had shown him with the fear serum even held a candle to this feeling now. Thomas has sacrificed himself to save him and Newt and there’s absolutely nothing he can do to stop this. “You’re a dumb shank,” says Minho finally. 

Thomas gives him a weak smile and doesn’t quite laugh but doesn’t quite sob either. “True that,” he says. “Now go.”

Minho nods and begins to drag a practically catatonic Newt away. He’s almost at the door when Thomas calls out to him. “Minho?” 

Minho turns to face him. 

“Promise me,” Thomas’s voice cracks. “Promise me you’ll take care of him for me? Please?”

Minho doesn’t trust his voice. He simply nods. 

Thomas smiles. “Thank you.” 

If they want to get Thomas out of this place they need to get out themselves first. 

They need to go. 

Thomas raises the gun to his temple again. “I’m not putting this down until I know they are outside and free.”

Janson scoffs. He turns to one of his guards and whispers something and the guard nods and scurries off. 

Thomas looks down towards the main entrance of the building. About five minutes later he sees the huddled figures of Newt and Minho stumbling together out through the front door. 

They are out. 

They are free. 

He watches as they dart away from the building. 

This is it. 

He is alone. 

Thomas sighs and throws the gun to the floor and faces Janson. 

The guard Janson sent away comes back into the room and hands something to Janson. 

Janson nods his thanks and struts forwards towards Thomas. “Oh, Thomas,” he says. “We are going to have so much fun together.”

Janson suddenly slaps him hard on the neck and Thomas feels a pinch. Janson removes his hand and Thomas reaches up with shaky fingers pulling a small dart from his neck. His whole world sways sideways and he crashes to the floor in a graceless heap. 

Janson barks a laugh and kicks him in the stomach. Thomas grunts in pain. He looks up at Janson’s blurry figure above him.

“Oh Thomas, you’re going to wish you put that bullet in your head.”

As Thomas’s world fades to black he thinks at least Newt made it out and that there’s nothing Janson or WCKD could ever do to him that would make him regret his decision. 

** 

Minho and Newt stumble onwards. They are both exhausted. Newt keeps fighting with himself. He can’t quite wrap his head around what just happened. He wants to go back and get Thomas. 

How could they leave him in that place? 

How could he leave him? 

Newt’s bad leg seizes and he goes down hard on the tarmac, Minho falls too in his attempt to catch him. 

It’s then as he lies on the road that Newt finally allows himself to really and truly cry. 

He still hadn’t been able to fucking say it. 

He is never going to see Thomas again and he still couldn’t tell him… He couldn’t tell him that… 

“What the fuck are you two lying here for?” A helmeted guard races towards them and honestly in that moment Newt wouldn’t care if he was shot. 

The guard rips off his helmet. It’s Gally.  

Minho does a full body flinch beside him and if he wasn’t already on the ground he would have fallen. “What?!” 

“Oh, yeah… I’m alive,” says Gally. 

“Holy fucking shit,” says Minho. 

“Where’s Thomas?” asks Gally, ignoring Minho's Response.  

Before they can answer a loud explosion blasts at the city walls. 

Shit. 

Three more explosions quickly follow and the whole chunk of the east wall surrounding the city is gone. 

“Shit,” says Gally. “They said they only wanted to bring down WCKD, not the entire city. We need to get out of here and now! Is… is Thomas going to be coming?”

Minho and Newt share a look. “No,” says Minho, not trusting himself to say anymore right now.

Newt stares back up at the WCKD building. The urge to run back in hits him again. He doesn’t care if he dies trying. He needs to see Thomas again. He struggles to his feet but the dizziness hits him again and if it wasn’t for Gally wrapping his strong arms around his chest he’d have fallen again. 

“Newt?” he says in a voice too soft to belong to Gally. “Hey, stay with me. I don’t know what happened in there… But I’m guessing that the Greenie… the dumb shank did what he had to to make sure you two got out alive and we need to make sure you two do get out so… so come on.” 

“He’s right, Newt, come on,'' says Minho. 

How can they speak so calmly about leaving Thomas behind? How? They are acting like he’s just some scarf that they left behind in someone else’s house. He’s Thomas. He’s… he’s Tommy. How can they not care? How can they not give a shit about him? 

“How can you possibly be okay with leaving him there?” snaps Newt. 

Minho glares at Newt. “I know exactly what they are going to do to him in there and I also know exactly what they’ll do to us if we go back in. We are no use to Thomas if we’re dead and I hate it, Newt. Trust me… But the only way we can get him back is if we get back to the others. We can’t do this alone, you know we can’t.” 

“But-”

“Thomas didn’t just willingly give himself up to be a human blood bank to save you for you to die like an idiot ten minutes later.”

Another explosion rocks through the city. 

“We’re all going to die here if we don’t move like… now. Come on,” says Gally and doesn’t loosen his grip on Newt’s shoulder as he drags him away. Newt feels it’s just to make sure he doesn’t go back but as a new wave of dizziness hits him he’s pretty sure he’d fall without Gally supporting him. 

They somehow make it all the way to the entrance of the tunnels without meeting Lawrence’s army. 

Newt is exhausted. He is totally beat and he can’t run anymore. His leg is in bits and he feels sick to his stomach. He begins to think maybe the serum doesn’t work after all and Thomas has sacrificed everything for nothing.

His eyes wander back to the WCKD building once more just in time to see it struck by three rockets. 

Newt’s world stops. 

Thomas.

Thomas.

His Thomas. His Tommy is inside. 

“THOMAS!! THOMAS NO!! TOMMY!! TOMMY!!”

He darts forward but everything is spinning and he hits the ground hard. He scrambles to get to his feet again but falls. Someone is screaming and he’s pretty sure it’s him. He feels arms wrap around him and begin to drag him away. The WCKD building is a towering inferno and Thomas is inside. Thomas is inside. 

“He’s in there. He’s inside we have to-” 

“Newt, no!” 

Newt wails and thrashes hard against Minho and Gally. “We can't, we can't leave him, we can’t! We have to go back! We have to go get him!” 

The windows of the WCKD building explode outwards glass scattering across the city like confetti and huge chunks of brick and rubble crash to the ground. 

“He’s gone,” says Gally.  

Newt can’t stop screaming. They need to go back. They need to get to Thomas. They need to save him. He never got to tell him… He never told him that… He never said… 

“We need to go back,” he tries to break free of Minho and Gally but they are holding him firmly. “I never told him… I didn’t… I didn’t tell him that I… that I-” 

Black spots cloud Newt’s vision and all of his strength leaves him as he feels sleep finally take him over. 

His last conscious thought is that he loves Thomas. He loves him more than he’s ever loved anything or anyone. Thomas is his yesterday, his today and his tomorrow.

Thomas is his whole entire life. 

And he never told him he loved him. 

***

34 days after the night in the Last City 

The WCKD Compound 

The Lab 

The air leaves Newt’s lungs when he pushes open the door to the lab and sees Thomas suspended in the air. He’s been held up in some sort of machine by wires and he’s connected to a heart monitor and IVs. One draining him of blood and another pumping him with some sort of drug.

Ava Paige stops speaking as soon as they enter the lab. She’s shouting at them but Newt can’t make out what she’s saying, his whole world is only Thomas. He’s not moving in the restraints. He’s slumped forward. His hair is covering his face and Newt just wants to reach for him and brush it back. Thomas always hates when his hair gets in his eyes. 

Minho is shouting now too and Ava fires her launcher at him. Minho ducks out of the way and the grenade explodes against the cabinet behind Minho and its contents crash to the floor, beakers and bottles smash. 

Newt looks at her as she presses the trigger on the launcher again but she’s out of bullets. 

She did this. She strung Thomas up. She did it all. 

She throws the launcher in Minho’s general direction. She’s crying. How dare she fucking cry. 

“We’re taking Tommy home,” says Newt, calmer than he ever thought he’d be able to speak to this woman. 

“You can’t,” she hisses. “You can’t… I can’t let him go. I won’t. He’s the cure and I’m not giving him up! I always… I always knew he was special. From the day we brought him in I knew he was different and I was right! I was right all along and I can’t let him go. I can’t. I won’t. He’s special. I knew it. I always knew it.” 

She’s deranged. 

“No,” says Newt as he raises his gun. “He’s not just some fucking cure. He’s my fucking boyfriend and you can’t fucking have him. I’m not sharing him.” 

“Are you seriously saying you would sacrifice the human race for one boy?” 

“I’d let the whole goddamn world burn to spend ten seconds with him,” says Newt. 

Ava gapes at him and turns quickly and reaches to press buttons on the panel behind her. 

But Newt is quicker. 

Newt fires his gun twice and Ava falls to the floor in a heap. He doesn’t even spare her a second glance as he drops his gun and steps over her body to close the distance between him and Thomas. He’s pretty sure this moment will probably haunt him later but right now he doesn’t care. 

All that matters is Thomas.  

All that has ever mattered is Thomas. 

He reaches him and looks up at him suspended upright in the machine. 

He looks dead. His skin is pale and gaunt and he’s lost a lot of weight since Newt last saw him, not that he had any to lose in the first place. His lips have a blue tinge to them and so do his fingers. If it wasn't for the heart monitor showing a barely there beat Newt would be convinced he really was dead. 

“Oh my God,” breathes Minho. 

Newt remembers Thomas describing the immunes he and Aris had found all those months ago. 

They weren’t dead but they weren’t alive either.

That’s what Thomas looks like. 

“Thomas?” asks Newt hesitantly as he reaches for Thomas's hand and holds it in his own. His skin is so cold. The sparks Newt usually feels when he holds Thomas’s hand are frustratingly dormant.

He doesn’t so much as twitch when Newt touches him. Newt is trying very hard not to lose it. 

“Minho!,” says Newt, his voice cracks. “We have to get him down from this thing. We have to disconnect him from all this shit… Now!” Newt reaches up and places his hand on Thomas’s cheek. “Thomas? Thomas! Thomas… just hold on…. I’m here… I’m coming for you… Can you hear me, love? I’m here!”  

Thomas stays silent. 

Newt is eyeing the tubes connected to Thomas holding him up for the extraction trying to figure out how best to get him down. Newt doesn’t want to hurt him. 

Hurt him more than he’s already been hurt. 

Minho is tracing the IVs and tubes on Thomas’s body and gently as he can he is removing them one by one. Thomas doesn’t even flinch as Minho pulls the needles from his skin and Newt thinks he’s going to throw up. Thomas’s skin is littered with puncture marks and scabs from needles. 

Newt traces the bonds holding Thomas upright trying to figure out how to open the damn things. He's scared. He’s so fucking scared. He’s never been so scared in his life. He’s so close to Thomas yet he feels further away from him now than when he was hundreds of miles away in the Safe Haven. 

What if he doesn’t wake up? What if after everything he was still too late? 

“They were bleeding him dry,” says Minho simply as he continues to pull out the tubes and wires. His hands are shaking.  

Newt’s fingers can’t find purchase on the harness and he blinks and his vision is clouded with tears. 

“He did this for me,” he says. “All of this was for me.” He really can’t see now as the tears freely flow. He’s torn between wanting to hug Thomas and never ever letting him go and wanting to punch him in the face because Newt wasn’t worth this hurt. He wasn’t worth Thomas so much as getting a papercut never mind being tortured by WCKD.. 

“How could he put himself through this for me?”

Minho purses his lips and just looks at Newt. “We both know the answer to that question,” he says, his voice soft. “And don’t pretend for one second that if your roles were reversed that you wouldn’t have done the same thing for him.”

A soft groan makes them both jump. Thomas blearily opens his eyes and looks at them. He furrows his brow and closes his eyes before opening them again. 

“Newt?” he croaks. He coughs and licks his chapped lips. “Minho?”

“Hey man,” says Minho gently.

Thomas only groans. His eyes droop closed again and Newt thinks he's lost consciousness again but he speaks again. 

“Not real,” he says.

“What?” 

“This isn't real. Another of WCKD's… tests. You're not real. You're dead.” 

Minho releases the last of the restraints holding Thomas up and Thomas falls forward. Newt catches him and holds him firm. His bad leg nearly crumples beneath him and he grimaces but making sure Thomas doesn’t hit the floor is more important than his stupid fucking leg. “You’re okay, I’ve got you,” he says. 

Thomas groans. His shaking hands hold onto Newt’s arms. “Not real,” he murmurs again. 

“Tommy, this is real, we are here to help you to get you out.”

Thomas shakily tries to pull himself up but his knees buckle and Minho quickly surges forward to grasp him under the armpits before he can fall to the floor. Thomas’s eyes are scrunched closed in pain and his breathing is quick and shallow. Finally he opens his eyes again and looks at Newt.

Newt loves everything about Thomas’s appearance. He loves that he’s just about an inch shorter than him, he loves the beauty marks that dot his skin like flowers in a meadow, he loves his broad shoulders and toned arms, his unblemished back and his chest, his stomach, the trail of hair on his chest, his crooked smile and thick brows, his dark hair. He loves everything. But he especially loves his eyes. Never in his life has Newt ever seen eyes like Tommy’s eyes. Dark yet bright, sweet like caramel. They burn brightly like candles on a birthday cake. 

That flame has gone out. 

The eyes that look into his now are broken, sad, tired, hurt. He wants to kiss them. Breathe life back into them. Newt hates WCKD, more than he’s ever hated anything and they’ve done a lot of horrible things but draining the colour from his beautiful Tommy’s eyes is the absolute worst thing. 

Thomas sways again as he reaches and pulls up Newt’s sleeves. 

“Hey what are you-”

“Not real,” says Thomas again, looking at Newt’s pale arms. “The real Newt was sick. You’re not.”

“You cured me Tommy. Remember?”

Thomas shakes his head as if he can jerk himself out of the nightmare. “No, you’re dead… I shot you… You begged me to and I couldn’t… No that’s not what happened… I-I… We were in the city and you-you shot yourself… I couldn’t… I wasn’t fast enough… We didn’t get the serum in time… No… no Janson… he put you in the crank pit… That's what happened… The crank pit… No wait… that isn’t right… A griever got you. It got you in the maze.  I couldn’t save you. I could never save you.” 

“Tommy,” says Newt reaching out and putting his hands on Thomas’s face. “Listen to me, okay? I don’t know what Janson or Ava showed you but it wasn’t real but this is. I’m here and Minho is here and the others are coming and we are going to get you out. This is real.” 

“No Minho… Minho’s dead… The cranks in the mall got him… No-no you stabbed him… You were sick and the flare was bad like really bad and you were scared and you stabbed him. It was all my fault.” 

Thomas pulls away from Newt and his movements are jagged and weak and he trips over his own bare feet and Minho barely catches him this time. They both fall to the floor. Thomas tries to pull away from Minho but the other boy holds him firmly. “Thomas,” says Minho. “Listen to me ya dumb shank. This is real. I know the kinda shit those bastards would have shown you. WCKD did the same to me but I promise you. This is real. We are here and we are getting you out.” 

Thomas looks between the two boys. He looks so unsure of himself and Newt’s heart breaks. He kneels down beside him and takes Thomas’s hand in his own. He intertwines their fingers and gives it what he hopes is a reassuring squeeze. 

Thomas’s grip is loose and he looks at their hands before looking back up at Newt, his dull eyes filled with tears. Newt’s hand feels so damn real in his own. He dares himself to hope this is actually happening. “Newt?” 

“It’s me, Tommy,” he says. “I promise. It’s me.” 

Thomas lurches forward and wraps his arms around him, burying his head in the crook of his neck. Newt feels his hot wet tears tickling his skin and he pulls Thomas closer to him. He’s here, his beautiful Tommy is here and in his arms. He’s alive. He feels like all his prayers have been answered. Tommy is alive. His Tommy. The love of his life. Suddenly the words that seemed so hard to say seem simple. They come to him as easily as breathing. 

“I love you Tommy,” he says. 

He feels Thomas’s arms stiffen around him. “No,” he says. 

He pulls himself off Newt. “I knew it,” he says. “This isn’t real.” 

Newt swears his heart has just dropped to his stomach. “Tommy, what do you mean? It’s me. I’m here. I love you.” 

Thomas shakes his head. He looks up at Newt. The look on his face is broken. “The real Newt would never say that to me.”

Chapter Text

34 days after the night in the Last City

The WCKD Compound

The Lab

Newt feels like he’s drowning, as if Thomas’s words were a wave and have filled his lungs with seawater. His chest constricts and his insides burn and the words echo in his ears. No. No. No. He has to fix this. He opens his mouth to say something… anything but no words come.

“You really had me going,” says Thomas, he’s shaking his head as he tries to get up but he instantly falls back again against Minho who reaches for him to steady him but Thomas squirms away from him too.

Newt can’t help but think of that one night, months ago when they were in the scorch when their group found a stray dog. Newt had tried to approach him to feed him and show that he was friendly but no matter what Newt did or how softly he spoke the dog cowered away from him and refused to get close.

Thomas right now reminds him of that poor dog. So broken and sad and beat down by life and the things that have happened to him that when he’s actually shown care and affection and love he doesn’t believe it. He doesn’t trust it.

Newt thinks he might be sick. “Tommy, I-”

“I-I really believed you for a second there,” says Thomas with a sniff. He raises a shaking hand to his face to wipe at his eyes. “Janson will be loving this..” he adds venomously. “He’ll probably get his strongest serum yet.”

Newt’s ears are ringing. His heart is threatening to break out of his chest. His limbs feel frozen. His mind goes utterly blank. He can’t think of a single thing he can do or say to prove to Thomas that this is real. He feels like he’s lost Thomas all over again, as if he’s stuck in a place that Newt will never be able to reach even though the boy is less than a foot away from him. Newt’s eyes meet Minho’s over Thomas’s shoulder. He’s mouthing something at him. A two syllable word. Newt doesn’t understand. Why is he playing games at a fucking time like this?

Then Newt gets it.

“Ditto,” says Newt. “Ditto. Ditto. Ditto! That’s what I always said, right? You’d tell me you love me and I always said ditto back,” Newt’s voice cracks. “I… I should have said more Thomas. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I should have said those words to you. I should have screamed them from the rooftops and carved them into trees and wrote them in the sand in the scorch. I should have told you every morning after we woke up and every night before we went back to sleep and a hundred times in between. Tommy… I am so so sorry.”

Thomas looks at him again, his dull eyes seem to bore into Newt’s very soul. Newt can practically see the clogs in his head turning and processing his words. Thomas blinks and a lone tear falls down his cheek. “I… I dunno,” says Thomas, his voice small. “I just… I dunno.”

Newt takes a deep breath and scoots closer to him, their knees brush and Thomas doesn’t back away and Newt takes this as a good sign. “Do you remember the first night we shared a bed?” he asks.

“Eh, I’d rather not have that image in my head, thanks,” says Minho.

Newt cuts him a look. “It wasn’t like that,” he says. He turns back to Thomas who is just watching him curiously. Newt continues, “it was our first night out of the maze and we were… we were here in one of the dorms. I couldn’t sleep. Trust me the princess who slept out on the grass and threadbare hammocks for over three years struggling to sleep when I finally get a fucking bed.”

Minho smiles at him and nods his encouragement for Newt to continue. Newt focuses on where his knee touches Thomas’s. “I heard you crying,” he says. “So I… I climbed down to your bunk and we just… We just lay there together for a while holding each other. When you sto-stopped crying we both knew there was zero chance of going to sleep so we played twenty questions, do you remember?”

Thomas says nothing.

“Sounds like your kinda game, Tomboy,” adds Minho teasingly.

“Minho, would you shut up for-

“Yellow,” says Thomas suddenly.

“What?”

“Your favourite colour is yellow,” he says. “You told me that night that your favourite colour is yellow.”

Newt smiles. “Yeah,” he says. “You’re right. My favourite colour is yellow and yours is blue.”

Newt pulls up his sleeve and shows Thomas the bracelet he wears on his wrist. “Do you remember the day you made me this?” he asks. “We were train spotting in the scorch and you made me this… You-you told me you wanted to be my boyfriend, do you remember? You picked blue and yellow because they are our favourite colours and you picked green because blue and yellow make green.”

Thomas furrows his brow and reaches forward and traces the threads of the bracelet with his fingertips. Newt’s breath hitches as Thomas’s fingers delicately brush against his pulsepoint. “I’m really bad at plaiting yarn,” says Thomas.

Newt laughs. “Yeah, but I love it anyway. I haven’t taken it off since the day you tied it on my wrist and I’ll never take it off, Tommy.”

Thomas pulls his hand away as if he’s just been shocked. The memory of how scared he was to admit his feelings to Newt is so vivid… But… But… But… It’s just another trick. One of Ava and Janson’s experiments… Yet…

Thomas releases a harsh breath. “I… I dunno,” he says. He doesn’t know if this is real or not. It feels real… But so did shooting Newt in the head. So did seeing Newt put a gun to his own head and pull the trigger. So did seeing him being torn apart by cranks in that cage. So did watching him being impaled by a griever. Thomas groans. His head hurts so fucking much and he’s so so tired. Thomas buries his head in his hand. “I just… I don’t know.”

Newt bites his lip, he’s getting desperate now. He needs Thomas to see that this is real. He just needs to convince him. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the polaroid and holds it out to Thomas. “Do you remember the day you took this photo of us?”

Thomas lifts his head from his hands sluggishly and stares down at the version of himself captured in the photo. That Thomas seems so far away from the version of himself sitting on the cold floor of the WCKD lab right now. He barely recognises himself. He takes the photo from Newt’s hands and runs his thumb over the smiling Newt and Thomas in the picture, he half expects the image to rub away under his thumb but it doesn’t. They stay there in the photo smiling. He’s kissing Newt’s cheek and he can almost feel the warmth of Newt’s skin against his lips. He looks so… happy. So does Newt… They both look so damn happy. Thomas really hopes the photo is real. He wants to be happy like that again. He wants Newt to be that happy. “I made you take this photo,” says Thomas finally. “You didn’t want to but I convinced you.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“You… You were mad. You didn’t want me to take it and you were mad because I took you by surprise and I kissed you.”

“Maybe I was mad at first but not after I saw the photo, it’s… it’s one of my favourite possessions now.”

Thomas’s eyes meet Newt’s. The Newt in front of him now doesn’t look happy like the picture in his hands. He looks tired and sad and hurt. Something inside Thomas feels cold and a wave of guilt washes over him. He’s making Newt sad again. Even if this isn’t real he doesn’t want to be responsible for making Newt sad. “We looked really happy,” he says as he hands Newt back the photo.

Newt pockets the photo and takes Thomas’s hand in his own. He brushes his thumb along Thomas’s knuckles and Thomas lets him. Thomas thinks even if this isn’t real at least Newt is here and he’s like the Newt he remembers. He loved when his Newt held his hand.

“Do you remember the night before the train heist?” asks Newt as he takes Thomas’s other hand. “You couldn’t sleep and you were studying the maps at like 3am and I got out of bed to find you and you were hunched over the table… That was the first time I ever called you, love.

Thomas gives him a watery smile. “I called you Beauty Newtie.”

Minho scoffs.

“And I chased you around the floor,” says Newt. “Then you asked me to dance. There was no music or anything like that so we just danced the two of us, do you remember? I remember that… that night that I thought even though the world was shit and WCKD had destroyed almost everything, that I was lucky because I was there with you dancing in the candlelight.”

“We went back to bed and you gave yourself completely to me that night, Tommy. I remember thinking that night that we were meant to be together, Tommy. That we were made for each other.”

Newt meets Thomas’s eyes again and he sees something in those chestnut orbs for the first time that night.

He sees hope.

Once upon a time on top of a cliff in the setting sun, Newt sat across from the most beautiful boy he’d ever met and he held his hand as he told him how much he meant to him and he remembers that he had a theory that actions speak louder than words.

Newt intertwines his fingers with Thomas’s own and Thomas lets him.

With a rush of bravery flowing through his veins, Newt tests that theory again.

He leans towards Thomas slowly giving him time to stop this if he doesn’t want it. God he hopes he wants it. He places his hand on Thomas’s cheek and brushes his thumb against the moles he loves so much and then he closes the final few millimetres between them and he kisses him.

Thomas’s lips are dry and warm. He gasps into Newt’s mouth but he doesn’t pull away or push against Newt. Newt reaches out to touch him and pull him in closer and Thomas lets him and when Newt feels Thomas begin to kiss him back he allows himself to hope again.

He breaks the kiss and looks at Thomas.

Thomas tilts his head and studies Newt, another silent tear falls down his cheek and Newt brushes it away for him. Thomas leans into the touch. “That felt real,” he says.

Minho makes a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob. Newt’s crying now too. “That’s because it was, Tommy.”

“This really isn’t in my head?”

“We’re really here, shuckface,” says Minho wiping away his tears. Thomas looks at him before turning back to Newt.

“You really love me?”

Newt smiles, he feels like he’s finally swam through the wave and broken the surface. He feels he can finally breathe again. “I really do. I love you, Tommy.”

Thomas nods and leans in and kisses Newt. It’s soft, delicate and careful but it’s Thomas kissing him. His Thomas who loves him and who he loves back with every fibre of his being actually kissing him. Thomas breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against Newt’s. “I love you, too,” he whispers and his breath tickles Newt’s nose.

Minho clears his throat and the boys break apart to stare at him.

“As much as I’m enjoying the Newtmas Reunion and wish I had a camera to take embarrassing as fuck photos of you two lovestruck dumb shanks, I think it’s time we got the hell out of here.”

Thomas smiles, “that was far too sensible a thing for Minho to say maybe this isn’t real after all.”

Minho scoffs. “Suddenly I’m beginning to wonder why I missed your smartass at all, Tommo.”

“Am I a dumbshank or a smartass, not sure I can be both.”

“You’re a pain in my fucking ass that’s what you are.”

“Love you too, Min,” says Thomas with a shy smile.

Minho pulls Thomas into a sudden hug and holds him close. Thomas hugs him back. “You’re the smartest idiot I’ve ever known,” says Minho against his shoulder. “I love you too.”

Minho pats Thomas on the back before breaking the hug and moving to stand. Newt stands too and Thomas looks up at them before trying to pull himself up. He grimaces. “I’m… I’m not sure I can walk,” he admits.

Together Minho and Newt help him to his feet and coax him to wrap an arm around each of their shoulders. The act of standing up alone seems to drain Thomas of his energy and he’s breathing harshly. Minho and Newt give him a moment to calm his breathing.

Thomas tiredly looks around the lab and notices the body of Ava Paige for the first time. He clutches the fabric of Minho’s and Newt’s shirts tighter. Thomas always figured he’d feel a certain sense of satisfaction the day he stood over Ava’s corpse but instead he feels nothing. He thought he’d want to dance and cheer over her body but instead he just feels empty. He looks at her crumpled form and he thinks that she was literally just one woman.

One woman who believed she could fix the world by sacrificing children.

One woman who stole Thomas’s entire childhood from him.

Thomas can never get those years back but now as he holds onto the shoulders of the people he loves most in the world he knows Ava Paige can never again steal his future.

They begin their slow shuffle out of the lab and don’t look back at Ava’s body.

“Now what?” asks Thomas. His head is pounding and despite both Minho and Newt practically carrying him he still feels utterly exhausted. There’s a dark haze in his vision and the battle to stay awake is one he’s losing.

“We make our way back to the hangar,” says Minho. “And we go outside and Jorge should be there by now in the berg. Gally and Fry went back with Teresa-”

“Teresa’s alive?!” Thomas interrupts, he jerks to attention so quickly his knees buckle and he almost falls but both Minho and Newt hold him firmly.

“Yeah,” says Newt. “She’s… she’s hurt badly but we’ve a lot of medical equipment on the berg. Gally and Fry were taking her back so she could get treatment.”

Thomas visibly relaxes and manages to stand back up straight again. He knows it couldn’t have been easy for either of them to help Teresa after everything that has happened. She had betrayed them all and she’d experimented on Minho for months. “Thank you,” he says. “For helping her. Thank you.”

“She helped us get you back,” says Newt. “She’s never going to be my favourite person but… I’m willing to give her a second chance.”

Minho simply nods. “I don’t think we will ever be friends but… The Safe Haven is a big place and after what she’s been through. I think it’s a place she deserves to call home as well.”

Thomas squeezes Minho’s shoulder reassuringly. “You’re a good man, Minho.”

“Minho smiles. “I know.”

Thomas returns his smile. “Modest too.”

They all laugh before Thomas’s laughter becomes a coughing fit and they have to pause and wait for him to get his breath back. The hand that only a moment ago was squeezing Minho’s shoulder reassuringly is holding onto him for dear life now. Newt rubs Thomas’s back as he tries to steady his breathing. “How-how far away is-is the han-hangar?” asks Thomas when he finally gets his breath back.

“It’s on the other side of the building,” admits Newt.

“Of course,” says Thomas, trying and failing to hide his disappointment. “We… we better keep going then.”

It’s slow work, very slow work. Minho and Newt are carrying almost all of Thomas’s weight. He’s trying, he really is but with every step it just seems to get harder and harder…

“Where the fuck is Janson?” asks Minho. “We haven’t seen him at all.”

Thomas trips over his feet and lurches forward but his friends catch him. “I… I shot him with a laun-launcher before Ava drugged me but I-I don’t think… it wouldn’t have been enough to kill him… If-if you guys didn’t see him on your way to the lab then… Then he must be out here somewhere.”

The silence from Minho and Newt is loud. Shit. The hangar is on the other side of the building and Janson is lurking somewhere in the corridors and they’ve no idea where he is. They need to get out of here and now. Minho and Newt try to quicken the pace as they turn down another corridor.

Thomas is trying, he really is but his body is just not cooperating. He keeps tripping over his feet and stumbling forward. They all also are forced to stop regularly so Thomas can get his breath back. The breaks are spent with Minho and Newt anxiously looking around the corridors for Janson. After they stop for the fourth time and Thomas is leaning heavily against the wall panting, Newt gives Minho a concerned look. The longer they spend here the better a chance Janson has of finding them.

Thomas glances at his friends and seems to read their concerns. “I’m,” he starts but a coughing fit takes him over. He groans. “I’m ready to go on,” he says. “Is it much further?”

“At least eight more corridors,” says Minho.

Thomas grimaces. “Doable,” he says and he sways as he pulls himself away from the wall but neither Minho nor Newt say anything. “Let’s go.”

They’ve barely made it down two corridors before Thomas is really struggling. His raspy breaths are the only sound filling the halls. He doesn’t ask them to stop so they keep going.

And going...

And going…

Until…

Thomas falls and this time Minho and Newt aren’t quick enough to catch him and he ends up dragging the two others down with him to the floor.

“Shit,” says Minho.

Pain shoots up Newt’s bad leg but he ignores it. Thomas is coughing hard again and Newt rubs his back. “It’s okay, Tommy,” he says. “It’s okay.”

When Thomas finally stops coughing he slumps down further on the floor. The black haze that had been floating in his vision threatens to take him over completely. On shaking arms he tries to pull himself up but falls back again almost instantly. He’s completely spent.

“I,” says Thomas weakly, his head falls to the floor. “I don’t… I don’t think I can go any further.”

Before Newt or Minho can say anything a door crashes open at the other end of the hallway. They all flinch as Janson stomps through the door and points a gun at them. Newt reaches in his holster for his own gun but it’s empty.

That’s when he remembers throwing it to the floor after he shot Ava.

He never picked it up again.

Shit.

“Well, hello boys,” says Janson. “Having fun?”

Nobody says a word. Both Minho and Newt tighten their grip on Thomas’s shirt.

“Get up,” says Janson gesturing at them with the gun.

Nobody moves.

“I’m really in no mood for your games you little shits so get up now or I’ll decorate the walls of this hallway with the insides of your heads,” he threatens.

Wordlessly Minho and Newt help Thomas to his feet and they all stand to face Janson.

“Okay,” says Janson. “Now bring the subject back.”.

“My name is Thomas.” His body is failing him and his head is pounding and he’s so damn tired yet despite everything his voice is steely and hard. He’s not some experiment or plaything that Janson can throw around. Not now.

“You’re property of WCKD,” says Janson in a matter of fact tone.

“Not anymore.”

Minho’s free hand is brushing against the gun in his holster. He eyes Janson but his full focus is on Thomas. He just has to pull out his gun without Janson noticing…

“You’ve got enough serum,” says Thomas. “I’ve given you enough, Janson. Stop this.”

Minho is holding his gun now but he hasn’t pulled it from the holster yet. He eyes Janson who is still only looking at Thomas. Minho swallows.

“Thomas,” says Janson, he’s losing his patience. “You either come back right now or I put a bullet in your boyfriend’s head. Your choice. You have until the count of 3.”

Newt swears he’s stopped breathing.

“3.”

Minho pulls out his gun.

“2.”

Thomas tightens his grip on Newt’s shoulder.

“1.”

Newt is sent crashing hard into the wall with a grunt as two shots ring out in the corridor. He expects to feel the burn of a bullet but no pain comes. Newt opens his eyes and looks back towards Janson in time to see his body hit the floor. Perfect headshot. He’s dead. He’s finally dead. Everyone at WCKD is finally gone.

They’re free.

“Thomas!” yells Minho. “Thomas!”

And that’s when Newt remembers he heard two shots…

With his body filled with dread Newt turns to his friends. Minho is holding Thomas and Thomas is slumped against his chest. Blood blossoming at his left shoulder.

He's been shot.

Thomas has been shot.

Thomas's legs give way and Minho gently lowers himself and Thomas to the floor. Newt slides down beside them and checks the wound. There’s so much fucking blood already. He's bleeding profusely and he's already lost too much blood. There's no exit wound so the bullet is still inside him. Newt’s mind is going a hundred miles a minute.

Newt rips the hem of his shirt and folds in and presses it hard against the wound. Thomas writhes underneath him. His bloody hands cover Newt's and Newt looks at him.

"Are… are you okay?" Thomas asks him.

Newt bites back a sob. "You pushed me out of the way," he says. "Why would you do that?"

"He was going to shoot you,” says Thomas simply. “I-I could… could never save you… In the visions… But… I finally-finally saved you.”

Newt lets the sob go this time. It’s quickly followed by another. “You can’t keep risking your life for me, you idiot.”

Thomas blinks tiredly. Everything is fading as if someone is dialling a dimmer switch on the world. He focuses on Newt. His star in a dark sky. “Next time we are in a life or death-” he grimaces as Newt puts more pressure on his wound. “A life or death situ-situation I prom-promise I’ll let you risk your life for me. Deal?”

Newt just stares at him, unable to speak.

“How about we get the hell out of here and nobody risks their lives for nobody?” says Minho as he reaches to hook his arms around the back of Thomas’s knees and his shoulders being mindful of the wound.

“Nobody risks their lives for anybody,” says Thomas.

“What?”

“It’s nobody risks their lives fo-for anybody not nob’bdy risks their lives fo’ n-no-nobo'y.”

“Are you seriously correcting my grammar when you’re bleeding out in my shucking arms?”

“Gram’r’s ‘portant Min,” slurs Thomas.

Minho shakes his head and starts running. Thomas groans in his arms as he’s joustled. “Just keep pressure on that goddamn bullet wound and don’t die.”

“Mmmhmm,” murmurs Thomas, his head falling against Minho’s chest. He can hear Minho’s heart beating through his shirt.

Newt drags himself to his feet and tries his best to quell the panic attack he can feel brewing. He gives chase running after them. His bad leg be damned. “And don’t fall asleep!” he yells.

“So bossy,” grumbles Thomas against Minho’s shirt.

They finally make it outside and Minho has never been so relieved to feel the unnatural air of the scorch. He gently lowers Thomas to the ground a couple of feet away from the building.

Newt pulls the walkie from his belt and calls Jorge.

“Jorge? Brenda? Gally? Do you copy?” We have Tommy but he’s hurt badly. We need help like right now.”

The walkie buzzes before Gally’s tinny voice responds. “We just got back with Teresa” he says. “Be there in five. Tell the Greenie not to die.”

Newt pockets the walkie again and walks over to Thomas and Minho. Thomas's breathing is worse and he's fighting a losing battle at trying to stay awake. Newt sits down beside him and Thomas instantly leans against him.

Minho runs a bloody hand through his hair. "I'm… I'm gonna keep an eye out for the others."

He moves to stand but Thomas reaches out and grabs his wrist. Their eyes meet. Thomas gives him a half smile. "Thank you," he says.

Minho freezes against his touch. He should have shot Janson sooner. If he’d just shot Janson sooner then Thomas wouldn’t have been shot. He wouldn’t-

“Don’t… Don’t bea-beat yourself up for me getting shot. I’m the one who put myself in the way of the-the bullet. You… you made sure Jan-Janson couldn’t shoo-shoot anyone else. I don’t blame you… You-you came back for-for me, Min… You sav-saved me.”

Minho thinks if you looked up the definition of ‘a good person’ that you would just see a photo of Thomas. "Don't mention it Tommo," he says. He tries to keep his voice jovial. "You did the same for me. Just took your sweet time doing it."

Thomas laughs but it quickly turns into a pained cough. "Al-always fa-faster than me," he says.

Minho looks at Thomas leaning against Newt. The way his whole body seems to shudder as he breathes, the rasp in his throat, the paleness of the skin. A voice in Minho's head tells him they weren't fast enough… That he wasn’t fast enough.

"The others should-should be here soon," says Minho standing up. "I'll… I’ll be right back."

If either Thomas or Newt hear the crack in his voice they don't mention it.

The air is cold. Newt feels Thomas shuddering against him. He wants to give him his jacket but he's worried about aggravating his shoulder.

"I’m ruining your coat."

"Hmmm?" Newt looks down to see Thomas’s blood seeping through his coat. He's losing too much blood. He's already lost too much blood. "It’s okay,” says Newt.

"Y-you love th-this co-co-coat."

Newt holds Thomas closer to him. Thomas melts into the embrace. "I love you more."

Thomas closes his eyes. He’s so tired. "More than a corduroy coat? Wow… I better… bet-better not let this get t-to my head."

Newt smiles weakly and presses a gentle kiss to the top of Thomas’s head. Thomas tiredly opens his eyes again and leans in even closer to Newt.

The moon is high in the sky and the stars flicker like fairy lights above them.

"Pretty isn’t it?" says Thomas.

"Hmmm?"

"The sky."

"Oh," Newt looks at the sky before turning his attention back to Thomas. "Yeah, gorgeous."

Thomas shifts in his arms again and hisses in pain. His free hand finds Newt’s and he laces their fingers together. His grip is loose. The sticky warmth of his blood between their palms sends a wave of anxiety through Newt and he feels a tightness in his chest as they look at the stars.

"You’ll be happy at the safe haven," Thomas says.

"We both will."

With effort Thomas lifts his head from Newt’s chest and looks up at him. He’s deathly pale. Their lips meet in a chaste kiss. Thomas’s lips are cracked and dry but Newt doesn’t care. This is Tommy.

His Tommy.

"I love you," Newt breathes.

Thomas gives him a weak smile. "Ditto."

"GUYS!" Minho is racing towards them. Thomas lowers himself back against Newt’s chest.

"They’re here! Look."

"Who’s here?"

"The Spanish Inquisition," says Minho tonelessly. "Brenda and the others obviously you shank."

Newt looks up and the lights of the berg appear in the horizon. Newt has never in his life been so happy to see that damn fucking berg.

They’re here. They're going to get out. They're going to make it. They're going home. All of them.

"Hey To-"

Thomas is limp against Newt and his eyes are closed. Newt’s breath catches in his throat.

"Thomas? Thomas… hey, wake up? Tommy?"

The smile on Minho’s face quickly fades as Newt nudges Thomas gently. “No no no no no no no. Thomas? Tommy! Hey. Wake up.”

Newt is shaking as he lays Thomas down on the sand and leans over him. His ear is practically brushing Thomas’s lips.

"He’s-" Newt’s mind goes blank. The world stops spinning and Newt is filled with an intense cold. “He’s not breathing."

"Not now you dumb shank, no." Minho crashes down onto his knees and checks Thomas's pulse and swears.

He starts chest compressions. Newt watches him frozen. They were free from WCKD, Jorge and the others are coming, they are going to go to the Safe Haven. This couldn't happen now, not now.

Minho breathes into Thomas’s mouth, swears and then continues compressions.

Newt can’t move. Thomas sacrificed everything to save him. Everything. His body, his mind, his life…

Everything.

And now he can’t even move to help him. He doesn’t know how to help him. He is paralysed. He’s supposed to go back to the Safe Haven and hold Tommy’s hand on the beach, he’s supposed to tend to the gardens with him, go to sleep next to him every night and wake up beside him every morning.

He isn’t supposed to watch him die in the scorch.

Time stands still. This just can’t be happening. It can’t be.

But it is.

Minho’s compressions are getting frantic now. He’s crying.

Newt hears pounding footsteps and somebody screaming his name.

He blinks and tears blur his vision. He sees Jorge kneel down beside Thomas and take over compressions. Minho falls back and begins to sob. Someone is screaming and Newt thinks it might be him.

Someone is kneeling in front of him, gripping his shoulders, his eyes meet Brenda’s and she pulls him into a hug.

ThomasThomasThomasThomasThomasThomasThomasThomasThomasThomas

"I can’t lose him," he breathes into her neck. "I can’t."

She just holds him tighter. "Newt I-"

"Don't leave me, Thomas," cries Newt as he watches Gally take over from Jorge on the compressions. It's taking too long. He’s gone… He’s gone… He’s gone… He can’t be gone… He can’t be gone.. He just can’t…… He can’t leave… Newt can’t lose him again. He can’t. He won’t survive losing Thomas again. "Please don't leave me, Thomas. Please. I love you. Please."

He just can’t be gone. Newt sobs into Brenda’s shoulder.

“Don’t leave me, Tommy,” he begs again even though he knows Thomas can’t hear him.

"Please, Tommy. Please."

Newt buries his head further into Brenda’s shoulder and as his heart falls into a black abyss…

Thomas gasps.

Chapter Text

13 days after the rescue mission at the WCKD Compound

The Safe Haven

The Med Hut

The sound of laughter wakes Newt. He groans and lifts his head from the bed. His neck hurts from sleeping in such an awkward position but he’s getting used to it.

He sits up in his chair, yawns and stretches his arm above his head. His other hand is still holding Thomas's limp one.

Newt sighs and scoots his chair closer to Thomas's bedside.

Newt brushes an errant curl behind Thomas's ear and leans forward and kisses him on the forehead. "Morning, love," he says.

It's been almost two weeks since they broke Thomas out of WCKD and he hasn’t woken up yet. Honestly, Newt doesn't remember much of what happened after Gally revived Thomas in the scorch. He’s blacked most of it out. He knows they all bundled themselves into the berg and flew back home. Thomas had to be revived again before they made it back to the Safe Haven and the surgery to remove the bullet had been very touch and go. He’d lost a lot of blood and his body was very weak. The doctors had told Newt to expect the worst.

But they didn't know Thomas. They didn't know his Tommy. Tommy is a fighter. And he’s stubborn as fuck. He’ll come back to Newt. Newt knows he will. He just… needs more time.

Newt brushes his hand through Thomas’s hair.

Even though he’s still in a coma, he is looking better every day. His pale skin has a warm glow to it now and his shoulder wound is healing nicely. He should wake up any day now. Any day now.

(Newt tries not to think about the fact he's been telling himself this for at least a week now.)

The doctors told Newt that there’s strong evidence to prove that coma patients are aware of what’s happening around them and that people should talk to them.

So that’s what Newt’s been doing. He has sat with Thomas every day and tells him about everything and anything.

He tells him that the doctors released Teresa from the med hut about a week ago and she’s been doing well. Despite everything the people of the Safe Haven have been very welcoming to her and most seem to be of the opinion that she was a victim of WCKD in all of this too. Newt agrees for the most part but he knows it will take some time before he’s ready to fully accept Teresa as part of his life. He’s getting there though and despite all the hurt and pain she has caused him and his friends without her help they never would have got Thomas back and to Newt, that is the most important thing.

He tells him that Jorge, Brenda, Minho and Vince travelled back to the WCKD Compound last week to clean them out of their medical supplies. It turns out that some of the doctors who they had left behind had continued working on the serum and they are very close to being able to recreate it without using Thomas’s blood. They agreed to allow Vince to take a lot of the medical equipment as long as they were left with the machinery they needed to reproduce the serum. They are going to keep up contact with the Safe Haven and keep them updated on their progress. They hope they will have a new serum available to the public in a month or two and Thomas won’t have to give so much as a drop of blood.

He tells him that Fry cooks him up a batch of his corn fritters every single day just in case today is the day he wakes up.

He tells him that Minho has started a running club and expects Thomas to join when he’s back on his feet again because all Gally does is complain and he needs Thomas for moral support.

He tells him that all the children in the Safe Haven have been hearing stories about him and drawing pictures of him and can’t wait to meet him.

He tells him that after his run the other day Minho went to ask Fry if there were any leftovers from breakfast and found the cook kissing Aris in the kitchen. Minho has been in his element ever since and has been teasing Frypan relentlessly.

He tells him that Brenda and Teresa have become friends. Brenda and Teresa of all people. Minho thinks that they may be more than just friends but Newt wasn’t sure until he saw the girls going for a walk on the beach early yesterday morning and they were holding hands so he guesses Minho is right. Newt is happy for them. They both deserve some happiness. He also thinks it’s hilarious that two girls who both had crushes on Thomas at one point have found each other. He’s the world’s clumsiest Cupid.

He tells him about the thunderstorm two nights ago and about the cave Minho found when he was running and that the gardens are coming along well and that Jorge is teaching the kids Spanish and some of the adults on the island are considering starting a school for the children.

Newt tells Thomas everything that happens on the island but mostly he just keeps telling him he loves him.

Newt sighs and he rubs a pattern over Thomas's knuckles. "Come back to me Tommy," he says. "Please."

Thomas doesn’t wake up and instead stays frustratingly silent.

Newt kisses his knuckles.

There's a knock on the door and he looks up to see Minho standing there in the doorframe. "Hey," he says.

Newt gives him a soft smile. "Hey."

Minho crosses the room and leans against the table beside Thomas's bed. He reaches out and runs his hand through Thomas's hair. "Any change?" He asks.

Newt just shakes his head.

Minho sighs through his nose and continues to brush his fingers through Thomas’s hair. "I can't believe the dumb shank has been asleep for almost two weeks and he still doesn't even have a hint of stubble."

Newt laughs. His knuckle strokes Thomas's babysoft and hairless cheek. "In the six months you were gone I think he literally only shaved like maybe twice."

Minho scoffs. "Two more times than I was expecting."

A comfortable silence falls between the friends. A gentle breeze blows through the window and the canvas curtain flaps against the window frame.

"Come down with me to the dining area for breakfast," says Minho. His index finger twirls around a curl on Thomas's head.

Newt looks up at him. "Fry usually drops me in a plate of leftovers before noon."

"I know," says Minho. He bites his lip seemingly considering what to say. "I just… I think it might do you some good to come and have breakfast with us. You've hardly left his side since he got out of surgery."

"I don't want him to be alone," admits Newt. He finds himself holding Thomas’s hand tighter. It’s true though. Newt hasn’t slept in his bed once since they got back to the Safe Haven but he’s been scared to leave Thomas’s side. He hates the thoughts of him waking up alone and not knowing where he is, so Newt has stayed here. He’s barely left his side at all in the last two weeks.

"He's not alone,” says Minho. “We are all here for him and you taking a break for an hour or two to have a bacon sandwich and a shower will do you the world of good, Newt. You know it will."

Newt looks back to Thomas. He could really do with stretching out his legs and having some proper hot food for once. He really doesn’t want to leave him but he knows Minho is right.

(He usually is but Newt will never admit that out loud).

“Okay,” he says. “But only because I know Fry makes sourdough every morning but gives me the stale leftover dry shit without any butter.”

Minho ruffles Thomas’s hair and practically skips to the door. “Come on then, one bacon sandwich and a shower coming up.”

Newt kisses Thomas’s forehead again before following Minho. “I didn’t agree to a shower.”

Minho stops so abruptly Newt nearly walks into him. “Newt,” he says seriously. “I’m telling you this as a friend but you stink like a shank who fell into a pig sty. If poor Tommo over there wakes up the smell of you will probably knock him straight back out again.”

Newt rolls his eyes. “Fine,” he concedes. “I’ll head to the shower block first, wouldn’t want to put you off your breakfast.”

“Good that,” says Minho with a wink. “I’ll keep you a sandwich.”

Newt walks off towards the shower block, flipping Minho off as he goes. Minho laughs and looks back in towards Thomas.

“You better not wake up until he gets back or the dumb shank will never forgive me,” he says before heading back to the dining area.

(Of course Thomas doesn’t listen to him because since when has he taken orders off anyone?)

Thomas wakes with a gasp and jackknifes up straight in the bed. A dart of pain shoots up his shoulder but dull enough that he doesn’t think too much about it. He rubs it absently and finds it covered in bandages. He vaguely remembers Janson shooting him and Minho carrying him out of the WCKD Compound and he remembers sitting on the sand with Newt… and then?

Nothing.

Thomas sighs.

He can hear the waves off the ocean lapping up at the shore outside and there is a general commotion of people talking and laughing not so far away. He looks around the room he’s in and he’s guessing he’s in some sort of medical hut. There’s bottles of antibiotics on a shelf and there’s a chair pulled up beside his bed. He recognises the jacket draped around the back as Newt’s and he smiles. He doesn’t care where he is if Newt is close.

And now it’s time to go find him.

Thomas shuffles on the bed for a moment testing his limbs. He has no idea how long he’s been out but judging on how well he thinks his shoulder has healed it’s been a while since he’s been shot. He edges towards the end of the bed and hauls his legs over and uses the bed frame to support himself as he stands. He’s steadier on his feet than he thought he’d be and after a caustous stretch he slowly shuffles towards the door.

The day is hot but not in the way the scorch was hot. This feels… nice. Thomas steps out of the hut and looks around. There’s dozens of huts around him. He can see washing lines with laundry and he hears a dog barking somewhere. It’s like a proper little neighbourhood and Thomas’s chest feels warm at the sight of it. He walks down to the beach and he can see the ship that the Right Arm was reconstructing out in the water. The sand is warm beneath his bare feet and he relishes the feeling. The saltwater air fills his lungs and Thomas closes his eyes and just takes a moment to bask in it. He can hear people laughing and talking towards his right and his feet follows the voices.

Further down the beach there’s a dining area of picnic tables, Thomas smells the food before he sees it. The waft of bacon, sausages and eggs hits him and he licks his lips. He’s no idea when he last ate something but he knows it was a very long time ago.

Then he sees them. His friends.

Sitting around a picnic bench laughing are Minho, Brenda, Teresa, Gally and Jorge. Fry is handing them all out food and drinks. They haven’t seen Thomas yet but when Fry looks up after dishing Jorge up his breakfast their eyes meet and he nearly drops his tray of bacon.

Thomas has to fight hard to hold back his laugh.

The others follow Fry’s gaze and when they see Thomas, Thomas smiles back at them and waves like an idiot.

(In his defence nobody ever told him how you’re supposed to greet your friends after waking up from a coma. It’s not like there was a manual on his bedside table).

Minho jumps over the picnic bench and races towards him at lightning speed, closely followed by the others.

Minho envelopes him in a bear hug and Thomas melts into him.

“Hey,” says Thomas. His voice is a bit croaky from lack of use.

“You dumb shank,” says Minho in greeting.

“Pleasant as always, Min.”

Minho pulls away from him slightly, still holding onto him as if Thomas will float away if he lets go. “For almost two weeks Newt has sat with you at your bedside and when I finally convince him to take a break for a few minutes you wake up.”

“Timing was never ummm my speciality I guess,” says Thomas sheepishly.

Minho just laughs and pulls him in for another bone crushing hug. “You’ve no fucking clue how much I missed you.”

“Minho,” says Brenda, catching up to them and pulling Minho off of Thomas. “You can’t hog all the hugs.”

Thomas laughs as Brenda throws her arms around him. “You scared me so much,” she says.

“I’m sorry,” admits Thomas.

“Don’t ever do that to me again!”

“I’ll try not to, Bren.”

“No, no trying, only doing. If you dare die on me like that again I’m bringing you back to kill you myself.”

Thomas laughs and pulls Brenda in tightly to him kissing the top of her head. “Noted,” he says. “I won’t die again.”

“Good that,” she says with a smile before finally letting him go and allowing Fry to jump in.

Fry lifts Thomas up and spins him. Thomas lets out a very embarrassing squeal at the action and Minho and Brenda both double over in laughter at the sound.

“I’ve whipped up a big batch of your corn fritters,” says Frypan, holding him close. “Gonna have to give you double portions and feed you up, buddy! I’ve missed you so much.”

Frypan finally puts him back down. “It’s great to have you back,” he says with a huge grin.

Thomas returns his smile. “Thanks , Fry.”

Gally stands in front of him wearing his trademark scowl. Thomas doesn’t know what to say.

“Greenie,” says Gally.

“Gally.”

Thomas thinks that is going to be it and then Gally throws his arms around him and hugs him. Thomas hugs him back. “Thanks, Gally,” says Thomas. Gally doesn’t say anything and they hug in silence for a few seconds before Gally steps back, nods and walks to the side.

Jorge pulls Thomas in for a tight hug. “I’ve missed you, Mijo,” he whispers softly. Thomas’s heart swells at the name and he buries his head in Jorge’s shoulder. Jorge rubs a reassuring hand over Thomas’s back and Thomas melts into the embrace. Thomas doesn’t remember his dad but he can’t imagine having any better father in his life than Jorge. “I missed you too,” breathes Thomas. Jorge holds him for a little longer and gives him a quick kiss to the top of his head before he steps away.

Then it’s Teresa. She’s crying. Thomas closes the distance between them and hugs her. She buries her head against his good shoulder and he can feel her tears wetting his shirt. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” she sniffs. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Thomas laughs and holds her closer to him. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now you’re awake,” she says. “Thomas, I’m so sor-

“Uh no,” says Thomas. “No, the S word is not allowed. Okay? Don’t apologise to me, Teresa. You got me out of that place. You’ve nothing to apologise for, okay… You got me out of there.”

“But-

Thomas rests his chin on her head. “You’ve nothing to apologise for, okay? Nothing.”

“I’d forgotten how stubborn you are,” she grumbles but she looks up at him and gives him a watery smile.

“Learned from the master herself,” teases Thomas.

Teresa bats his good shoulder with her palm.

“Right,” says Minho, clapping his hands together. “If the meet and greet with old Tommo here is over I think it’s time for breakfast. There’s a whole tray of bacon over there that’s calling my name.”

“If a tray of bacon is talking to you then I think you may need professional help, Min,” says Thomas as he puts his arm around Teresa’s shoulder and the group of friends make their way back towards the benches.

Minho stops walking and stares at him. “Did Thomas the boring slinthead actually make a joke?”

“I think he did,” says Teresa looking between the friends and smiling.

“I’m a funny guy,” says Thomas with a shrug.

“Yeah, you are,” says Minho but his attention is already back on the tray of bacon. Priorities. Thomas waking up from a fortnight long coma is old news when it comes to Fry’s bacon.

By the time Thomas makes it to the bench and sits down, he’s exhausted. He’s pretty much hugged out by all of his friends and he needs a moment. Fry puts a glass of water in his hand and a plate with corn fritters down on the table beside him.

“Thanks, Fry,” he says and Frypan gives his good shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Thomas takes a few small sips of water and some small bites of the fritters and looks around. There’s a lot of people here. Hundreds of survivors but he can’t find the halo of golden hair of the one person he wants, no, needs to see most.

“Hey,” he starts. “Where’s Ne-

“No fucking way,” says a voice behind him.

Thomas turns and there he is.

Newt. His Newt. His beautiful, perfect Newt.

His hair is wet and his face is flushed as if he’s just been running a marathon. He looks gorgeous.

“Newt,” says Thomas simply. His tiredness forgotten, he stands and walks towards his boyfriend as Newt races across the sand to meet him.

Newt pulls him into a hug and they fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. Thomas thinks they were put on this earth simply to hold each other. Newt is kissing every part of his face he can reach and Thomas feels like life itself is being injected into his veins every time Newt’s rosy lips brush against his skin and when their mouths finally meet Thomas swears he’s been struck by lightning.

Kissing Newt is love. Kissing Newt is art. Kissing Newt is magic. Kissing Newt is hope. Kissing Newt makes time stop and speed up all at once. When Newt deepens the kiss and their tongues battle it out in a tango of passion Thomas thinks this is a new level of euphoric. He almost feels guilty that nobody else gets to experience kissing Newt.

Almost.

Newt is his and he’s not sharing him with anyone.

All too soon they break apart for air. Newt rests his forehead on Thomas’s. His damp hair tickles Thomas’s forehead. “You’re awake,” says Newt simply.

“I’m awake.”

“How are you feeling?”

Thomas looks into the eyes of the man he loves. “Fucking perfect,” he says.

Newt kisses him again.

“Even better now,” says Thomas laughing.

Newt smiles against his mouth before kissing him again. Thomas feels lost and found all at once.

“Hey Newt,” calls Minho from the bench. “Your breakfast is getting cold. You’ve the rest of your life to kiss Thomas but if you don’t get your shuck ass over here in ten seconds I’m eating your bacon.”

The rest of the morning is a bit of a blur to Thomas. The doctors check him over and not a minute seems to go by that someone isn’t coming over to him to hug him and tell him how much they missed him. By noon he is exhausted but he feels a bit stupid saying he’s tired when he’s literally been asleep for two weeks but when he yawns for the fifth time in about 30 seconds Newt seems to get the picture and he excuses them from the others.

They walk along the beach hand in hand towards Newt’s hut or their hut now Thomas supposes. He blushes at the thoughts of that. They have their own hut. Their own bed. A place that is theirs and only theirs. They pass the remembrance stone on the way and Thomas stops to look at it.

He reads the names of all the friends they have lost along the way and he stops at Chuck’s.
He traces Chuck’s name with his fingertip. “Chuck would have loved this place,” he says.

Newt squeezes his hand. “Yeah,” he says. “He would have.”

Thomas studies the other names until he finds his own. He turns back to Newt. “You wrote my name on the death stone?”

Newt blushes and looks down at his feet. “Yeah… well… I thought… I-”

“Can’t believe you just killed me off like that.”

“Well in my defence, when a building is blown up and I think you’re in it your chances weren’t exactly high.”

Thomas shakes his head in feigned annoyance but he can’t quite hold back his smile. He squeezes Newt’s hand tighter and swings their arms wildly as they walk on. “Don’t you know I’m like a cat?” he says. “I have like nine lives.”

“Love, you’ve easily used up about twelve lives at this point.”

Thomas laughs and Newt cherishes the sound. He thought he’d never hear it again and now he will hear it every single day forever.

“Fair point,” says Thomas. He looks over at Newt thoughtfully. “I should probably take it easy, if that’s the case. A week in bed at least I think.”

“Yeah?” Newt smiles and Thomas adores the way his whole face lights up when he smiles.

“Yeah,” says Thomas. “And I think you should stay there with me in bed, you know? Just to make sure I don’t over exert myself.”

“Sounds doable,” agrees Newt as he pulls Thomas into a one armed hug. He kisses Thomas’s neck and the triangle of moles at his ear. Thomas laughs against the kisses and Newt just kisses him some more.

They reach the hut and Thomas smiles. It’s so Newt. It’s so Thomas. It’s so… them. The whole room is decorated in blue, yellow and green. His eyes fall to the polaroid of them pinned onto the headboard and to Thomas this feels like the beginning of the rest of their lives. He hoped that he could one day be as happy as he was in that photo and now he feels he’s going to be that happy every single day forever.

They clean themselves up and Newt changes into comfier clothes and they curl up onto the bed and kiss lazily. Thomas can feel the pulls of sleep tugging at him and Newt holds him in closer to him.

“Tommy,” says Newt and he kisses him softly. “I love you.”

Thomas smiles. He knows there will be hard days. He knows they’ve both been through a lot and it will take a long time to recover from everything that has happened to them but when he’s lying here in Newt’s arms he feels nothing is impossible and he knows they will get through it all because they have each other. It isn’t perfect but who needs perfect when this beautiful magnetic force of a man who he loves with every fibre of his being is here and alive and loves him back?

Thomas never needed a tropical island. Newt was always his Safe Haven. Always.

“I love you too,” he whispers as they lay together arms around each other and legs intertwined. Free, inseparable and in love.