Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Date night. Everything is perfect, a date you’d see in a romance novel. Please archons, let me have this one night be perfect. Nothing ever lasts, why do the perfect moments have to be so fleeting?

——

  Dear Advisor of Immernachtreich,

  Duties were valiantly completed so as to not create a back-log of duties when monotony is returned to daily life. The Prinzessin of Immanatreich surveyed disturbances in fauna pertaining to the lake surrounding the city of Monstadt, found the cause of such disturbances and made sure of the Knight’s soon coming actions against the perpetrator. 

  A meeting containing oneself and Noelle was held in the fields to the west of Springvale. She had brought the wine, I brought the pastries. The atmosphere was intoxicating, the calm breeze toying with her hair and her laugh when I told her of the lake scandal all made me overwhelmed with love for her. Noelle is my one and only, of that I am sure. We held each other, loved each other. I felt her touch, and it was all I had wanted. 

  But it had to end. I’m so stupid! How could I keep the truth from her? She's my one and only but I never even told her of my assignment which drags me to Liyue. The same breeze that swayed through her hair carried her tears. I was too upset with myself to know if she was crying out of sadness, feeling betrayed, or that I had lied.

  I never meant to hurt her. My own fear of hurting her clouded my thoughts and overtook my logic screaming at me to communicate any of these past two weeks. I wish I could have denied this assignment. I don't want to leave her. I don't want to make her cry. 

  Oz has been comforting me since the events of today have occurred. I couldn't bear to be with only Oz for tonight so I am staying with Bennett for the night. I told Oz to at he could relay the events to Bennett. Bennett also agrees that I should have spoken to Noelle of this sooner. Regardless, Benny’s Adventure Team will be departing in two days. Before then I will apologize to Noelle. I love Noelle, and I feel regret within my entire soul.

  Would apologizing mend our relationship? I am looking forward to your advice.

  From your Prinzessin,

  Fischl von Luftschloss Narfidort

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Before I ruined everything, I waited. Fischl probably thinks the same as what I prevented. Lots of words were said, but even more were kept silent. With the time taken to think things through, I will talk to Fischl before she heads off to Liyue tomorrow morning.

— —

Dear Diary,

  Last night came in waves. Work today left me bone-tired, I nearly collapsed before I met with Fischl. She and I had a date from a dream. I brought wine, she brought the food. Depending on who you ask, both of us seem too young to drink, but wine is weak enough that no one really bothers to stop us. Besides, wine is given commonly at mealtimes of celebration, ours was simply a celebration to the two of us. Oz was off somewhere else, enjoying his time by himself. I got to hear Fischl’s voice all on my own. Her delicately crafted words, her cadence, everything about her I love. 

  At some point, we kissed each other lightly. After the food was eaten, the wine was enjoyed (in moderate amounts, mind you), then things got heated, we were a tangle of limbs. Both of us were feeling every moment of it, every tease, every gasp, but then my world came crashing in.

  It’s been a full twenty four hours since mine and Fischl’s last date. Everything had been so perfect. It was when she was laying (nearly) on top of me that she said she would have to leave. I cried. I can hardly venture out of the city because of my duties to the Knights and all the citizens’ requests, so how could I possibly make it to Liyue?

  I was upset, the kind of upset that’s between sadness and anger, so I cried. Words tumbled out of her mouth, words strung together with extravagance or words any normal person would say. She thought she had ruined everything. I thought she had ruined everything. 

  I made sure to wait until making any decisions between the two of us. Haste is never wise when it comes to the heart, but that doesn't stop the vengeful voice inside my brain saying to hurt her back. As much pain as I feel, I will not hurt Fischl. It would be wrong on many fronts, the biggest of which being my own love for her. I knew of this last night. I said to her “Good night,” and then my throat dried up before I could ruin everything. The words pressing on my tongue with a hot iron engraved “and goodbye” at the end of my last statement.

  I plan on finding Fischl soon. Hopefully, I’ll find her tomorrow morning when she sets off. Only adventurers, Knights, and maids are up at the hint of dawn, so finding the blonde and asking if we will get through this should be simple. If I don't find her tomorrow morning she will get some choice words when she returns!

P.S. Now it’s the morning after. I was able to find her. We talked, I tried to be brief so I wouldn't delay Benny’s Adventure Team but that didn't work out, but Oz, Bennett and Razor gave us space to talk. 

  We talked for a long time. She apologized–I think she had as well when I was crying, no, I’m sure she did– and we were silent for a moment. What to say when you’re trying to repair your own mistake, or guide someone to it as the offended party? Well, Fischl found it.

  Her words weren't elegant, they were disjointed. Obviously she hadn't expected me to find her, especially since how I was when we last talked. Getting back on point, we agreed to never do something similar again. She said that she would treat me to a night incomparable to her homeland of Immernachtreich. We said our goodbyes on each other's lips. She took three steps when our fingers had to slip apart.

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I set out with Oz, Bennett and Razor. The Guild needed more adventurers to go to the Chasm, Benny’s Adventure Team is the perfect candidate in terms of skills. Unfortunately, this means a temporary move to the expansive nation of Liyue.

— —

  Dear Advisor of Immernachtreich,

  The winds that have freedom graced into every breeze feels so different from the solid earth of the land of contracts. The differences are ever so subtle, only detectable to the few who have a keenness of senses and have the expertise to piece together.

  Noelle and I said goodbye.

  It hurts. My heart felt like it was tied to hers and then I let go, and left my heart with her. Before I met her I lived my life as normal, but her charm brought out the best of me. She gives my smiles meaning. 

  It appears my downcast mood has been detected by the others. No one here is dumb enough to be unaware of the cause. O Advisor, please aid me, how can I ruin everything and still be allowed to love?

  I still am thinking of her tears. Were they tears for me? For betrayal? For hate? I suppose that in the brief conversations since my interruption hasn’t been of the topic to quell my anxieties.

  I last spoke to her the morning me and my retinue set out to Liyue, but I still hear her words spoken on my lips. Be safe, my dear. No official “goodbye” needed to be said by either of us. Hands entwined, we allowed our hearts to unfurl and tangle into one another’s.

  She wore a scarf and fur lined coat the first night. The night we met. She recognized me from Flowers for Princess Fischl , the look on her face when she saw a journeyer from another realm spoke wonders to me. It was a slip of the tongue, I first thought, when I couldn’t find the ability in me to say “thy” when referring to her. Advisor, did thy know that in the past “you” was the formal you? There was a lingual switch to be formal towards all. The formality signaled respect.

  I suppose with all the advice thy have given me over the years I should refer to thy with “you”. I hope you don’t mind. You know of my secrets and my worries. Are we friends, advisor?

  The stack of letters for you chronicle all my journeys within Teyvat, when did they become of Noelle instead? This would be discernible if I had them all in front of me. Perhaps, it was when I saw her in that scarf? That stupid little scarf almost swallowed her whole, but it smells like her. Or was it when I wore that stupid little scarf so I wouldn’t be written with malady from the frost of Dragonspine?

  Most likely, it was shortly after that event, because soon after that we were alone together for the first time, me and Noelle. The fact we could still feel our limbs with the amount of blood flushed on our faces was miraculous in itself! After five minutes of silence we ended up reading the same book together. There was a section in the book that mentioned the meaning of roses. I looked at the roses on her headpiece and she looked at my eyes.

  That was when I fell in love.

  With the pieces of my heart left within her, a week's trek away from me, I hope to send her my apologies. The pain I feel from my mistake overtake sensation in my body, leaving numbness in its wake.

  With scrawling all these thoughts onto this parchment, I hope that I can send my wishes into the earth. Forging a contract bounding myself to be kind to Noelle, never again allowing myself to slip and hurt her, and never to leave her again.

  Please take care my dear advisor,

  Fischl von Luftschloss Narfidort

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Whoever said that the Chasm was in our skill set lied. We got caved in, no escape. Food is running low, Bennett got sick— myself as well but I’m keeping my wits about me, a Prinzessin’s role is growing into leadership. So be it. Razor is doing well on keeping monsters at bay. 

— —

  Dear Advisor of Immernachtreich,

  The Chasm from the expansive nation is intertwined caverns of death and disease. Cleansing these caverns is a task suited for one who has travelled across realms. One who has triumphed over all evil. I must cure the Chasm.

  The task taking the utmost priority at the moment though, is curing Bennett. A malady will not kill a princess– I simply cannot die to a malady– but it can kill my dearest friend Bennett. The tunnels collapsed around us, we met up with a group of Liyue natives in the Adventurers Guild prior. As the rocks rumbled and bumped out of place, the natives knew to run. If it weren't for my intuition, the rocks would have crushed my retinue and myself. If it were enough to scare the highest ranked Liyue adventurers, then it was not to trifle with.

  With a bounding leap, I threw Benny’s Adventure Team into darkness. For so long, all I heard was air screaming at my ears. Action had to be taken. Light was not to be seen. At my instructions, we all activated our gliders– Oz, of course, just flew.

  His view and my left eye guided the team to a safe place to land. Animals eyes are unique and are suited to various conditions, a night bird similar to Oz can see in near pitch blackness. 

  After landing, we found makeshift kindling and Bennett set it ablaze. First, we searched for an exit. I sent Oz up the hole we fell from, no exits were found high or low. We then settled into camp, a moment for us to clear our heads. Escape isn't to be found so we must prepare rations. We have enough food for two weeks, provided everyone eats a light lunch and a meager dinner, and enough water for one week. All of us are allowed one drink her day, we might be able to stretch the water to last three additional days– if we’re able to keep our wits.

  Food is running low and water is gone. Oz has the most strength out of all of us, he is an elemental being, so I commanded him to scour for the tiniest drips, our luck has run out. With no way to get water or food, it seems like this is our tomb. 

  Bennett might be the first to be encased. A malady seems to have struck us. His pyro vision is faltering, as if all of its energy has transformed into his fever. The last embers burning brightest before the flame dies. No. No. He can survive, I am sure. His infamous luck never brings death, no matter the hijinks, he has survived, and he will again. 

  I instructed Razor to keep watch over our camp, there are almost no hostiles to be wary here, but Razor’s condition is better than mine. Archons be damned! I’m the princess, I’m the one who should be standing, bow in hand, protecting my retinue. I suppose, Razor had no arguments to their assigned position because I am the second victim of the illness.

  Katheryne and higher-ups in the Liyue Adventurer’s Guild warned us of the black ooze and it’s infectious qualities. But what do the infectious qualities entail? I had enquired, words were anxiously flung around in response and I surmised it drives people into insanity or sickness. Either of the two because any job where you are vaguely told of the hazards is one in which the hazards are lethal and/or unknown. 

  Our fate is dire, but I must venture on. No matter how many times Razor tells me to rest and recover, I will push on. Bennett is delirious and Razor, my love for them overflowing, is not nearly as skilled as I am with investigation and intuition. My dearest advisor, please be proud of me. I haven't cried, but I’ve wanted to each time I think about this becoming a tomb. Prinzessin Fischl and her retinue carved in a plaque in front of an excavated cave, however far in the future.

  I can’t cry right now. I need to search again for an exit,  even if I have to pry one open with my hands, breaking my fingers, I will get us out. The duty of a prinzessin.

  Wish me luck,

  Fischl von Luftschloss Narfidort

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Work is always so exhausting, but lately it’s been worse. Everything has been delayed, strange events are occurring, sickness has fallen over Monstadt. The entire neighborhood around the blacksmith has been quarantined.

— —

  Dear Fischl,

  I hope this letter reaches you, wherever you are. I spoke to Katheryne in one of the few moments I had to spare and asked when you were meant to be back, Katheryne said you were meant to be heading back to Monstadt. It's been two weeks since then. I miss you, I hope you’re ok. 

  Things haven't been going well in Monstadt lately. Hilichurls have been setting up camps all over the place, the Knights are so busy that I’ve been taking all the other jobs. What a lovely little thing!! Not. Well, it is, but since I'm only a maid, I'm just helping out in the headquarters and have barely any time for regular citizens, yet they're all acting like I have time for them. 

  I’m not failing my duties, though! It is the duty of a maid to attend to others, so I am. Master Jean mentioned the dark circles under my eyes but I was able to quickly evade her questions, thank Barbatos. No matter my exhaustion I’m making sure that the Knights’ headquarters is spotless, if I’m not able to be a knight then I’ll just have to work hard to support them. 

  But it’s so hard. I collapsed a few times during my work. Luckily people were able to notify the Church’s healers, and Barbara soothed my sore muscles, getting a moment of rest was amazing– that doesn't mean I’m giving up! It just means I need to work even harder so I can get the stamina to keep up with my duties. 

  Sorry for going on a tangent, I meant to update you on what's been happening in Monstadt. There’s some sickness going around. At first it was only a few people with some flu-like sickness but now it’s almost 50 people infected in 4 days. The church isn’t being allowed to send healers, I’m not allowed to go either. The entire city of Monstadt is quarantined, no one is allowed to enter or exit the area surrounding the blacksmith. The blacksmith’s area is where all the ill people are, but closing off the main entrance of Monstadt was enough of circumstances to close off the entire city. Doctors are estimating that it takes a few days after contact with the illness to actually show symptoms, so the entire city is practically at risk. 

  People keep dying. The few Knights who were dispatched when quarantining began are clearing out all the hilichurl camps and any other duties outside of Monstadt. The rest of the Knights are trying desperately to keep public order. It isn’t working. Every single day I’ve cried myself to sleep because of how helpless I feel. To tell the truth, I’ve been sneaking into the quarantine section and doing all I can to help the sick. I believe I haven't caught the illness because of the outfit I wear to hide my identity, it has full coverage. In the morning, I am going to tell Master Jean about my help to the sick. Hopefully, something can be done to help them. 

  Flowers fill the air, the four winds carrying the scent all throughout the city, for such a horrible time to be in Monstadt the air is so pleasant. It almost feels like the Windblume festival. I still think of our first Windblume festival together, we still thought we were only friends. Friends who would cuddle, whisper into each other’s ear, and kiss. Liking men only ever felt normal to me, I never would've known how I would look at you illuminated by street lamps and fall in love. What a beautiful girl, surrounded by flowers. 

  I have a bouquet of your favorite flowers in a vase. Please come back safely. 

With love,

Noelle

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I found an escape! I told the others I’m scouting before we all pack up and leave. May unobscured light set us venturers aglow. Escape secured. With the whole team packed and ready to travel, we make our way to the secured route. But with what fate has in store it seems Oz and I will share a grave.

— —

 I could’ve escaped. I could’ve finally escaped after however many weeks. 

  I was about to. There was a slight gap in the rocks and I pried until my hands were only red. You could probably tell, I can barely write and the ink is suspiciously red. 

  Razor and Bennett both agreed I should scout ahead. Bennett’s condition is much better as of late, mine has only worsened but that’s my secret. Maybe they both let me scout because of my desperation, the duty of a prinzessin is to lead… I shouldn’t have been so stubborn. 

  Escape was secured, I spelunked my way to the main caverns. So I returned to the camp with joyous news. After packing, my retinue and I pioneered the way to our freedom, no longer trapped beneath the land of contracts. Wait, why did we survive without water? How did we survive without water? The Chasm has secrets that won’t be unveiled. 

  We ran into Fatui, in our weakened state we fled. My lungs were aching. Every single step was posted with a breath that filled fire through my chest. My legs stopped working at some point, yet somehow they still moved. I don’t know when but my location was far from any other soul at my first moment of awareness. Coincidentally, it was when I fell yet again. Without any foresight, my body slammed and scraped against every surface before landing with a crunch. Where had I gone?? 

  Through my left eye I saw Bennett and Razor, so Oz had not been separated. Oz is now scouting. He’s speeding through the air, staring at each and every rock in sight. I can feel our connection getting weaker. Where is that damned bird?! If he finds me our connection will be restored. I hope. Even now, I’m distracted in my daydreams and wishful thinking. There won’t be a moment in which I escape unscathed. My broken corpse will have to be lifted from these caverns. 

  When I said goodbye, I said I'd be back. Noelle, I'm sorry for lying, my love, I wish I could say it to you but my current audience are rocks streaked in red. Noelle, my dearest, know that I love you with my whole heart. 

  To the others who I hold dear, please don’t despair. Your Prinzessin Fischl von Luftschloss Narfidort is ruling her kingdom of Immernachtreich, whether she is alive or dead. Let my legacy live on. Ad astra abyssosque!

  Oz came back. He came for me. Neither of us have any strength left. At least I will not be waking to the afterlife alone. 

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  Please just wrap me in your arms, anyone. Don’t make me have to be alone until my eyes go dark, please… Just one touch, one warm touch… Please…

— —

  Why does death take so long…? Oz and I have been cradling each other for the slightest bit of comfort. I’ve cried so many times.

  Oz has disappeared.

  My elemental companion has fizzed out as I bathe in a pool of my own blood. 

  Wasn’t there a story of lovers who died in each other's arms? Love being the only thing brought with them to the afterlife. My tomb has a feeling of a void. Alone. All I want is one last touch. A sense of comfort.

  Brushing my hair,

  A hand on mine,

  Love silently binding us,

  Life isn't fair.

  I can still imagine the skyline,

  With the silhouettes of us.

  I don't want to die, I don't want to die I don't want to die!

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  Dear Fischl,

  I’m writing this for me (Bennett) and Razor. We both miss you. We both feel guilty. It’s my fault you died. I guess the jokes that you and Razor were immune to my bad luck jinxed it. I’m sorry.

  Yesterday, before the funeral, Razor went to your parent’s house and told them that you were so brave. I wasn’t there, so I can’t say everything that happened but I could tell Razor held back from saying more so that neither of us cried again. My luck’s never killed anyone before. I’m sorry.

  Razor wants me to write this next bit. Oz was scared. Oz knew you were dying but was also dying. Me and Benny were scared. You ran off suddenly. The Fatui weren’t going to hurt Benny’s Adventure Team. We ran after you. I’m sorry that we lost track of you. I should’ve known that Fischl was too sick to lead, you didn’t lie good. I didn’t protect lupical… I am sorry. I don't know what words I am feeling. I want you back. Razor’s gone quiet now. We both pretty much feel the same way about… your passing. Death? I don’t know how to write about this.

  My dads said that I should say something to make you happy. We love you Fischl! You’re part of the team, and a friend neither of us can ever forget. Fischl is lupical. Lupical are lupical after death, too.

  Please rest well,

  Bennett and Razor

— —

  Dear My Love,

  I miss you. We didn't let news spread far of us being a couple, so everyone's giving me well wishes for losing a friend. Except you mean so much more– meant so much more– to me. A few days after you and your belongings were brought back to Monstadt, your parents said I should read a few of your letters. I cried. I’ve cried every day since I heard you died.

  I was thinking of your birthday. For your last birthday you were ecstatic when I gave you a photograph of us and you wore my scarf. The stupid little scarf that almost swallowed me whole. For your next birthday I thought we might try going to the beach, it isn’t very populated during May. We could’ve had a day for the two of us.

  We should’ve gone public before you left. I can still feel your goodbye on my lips from that morning. You wrote in one of your letters that you left part of your heart with me, I did the same. That must be why I feel like part of me has died with you. The coffin you got buried in had gold trim on top. Your vision was placed above your head, showing the ghost of you.

  You didn’t die alone, because we gave each other pieces of our hearts. I will forever be with you.

  I don’t want this letter to end because when it ends will that be the final goodbye? One written on a page, as if you’re just a memory. But you’re so much more. You never made demands of me, no matter how much you were a princess and I am a maid. You would beg me to rest, especially when I showed up to your parent’s house and fell asleep on your bed. It still feels like yesterday when you were yelling at me to rest. I was fine with it, because I was with you. You weren’t actually angry, more… I don’t know, but not angry. I’m sorry that your parents pointed out how you had a difficult time making friends. They then laughed about how you made friends with the Wondermaid.

  But they didn’t know. No one has known. Only three exceptions, Razor, Bennett, and Oz. I wish I weren’t so cowardly to have us be hidden. My love for you spawned a cowardliness that betrayed me. Love isn’t a weakness but I didn’t realize that until too late.

  Rest in peace,

  Noelle 

— —

  Dear Fischl,

  I don’t know the etiquette of how to write this… Happy birthday! You filled my whole life that now I can’t see any day of celebration as one I’m celebrating without you. Have you been doing well in the afterlife? I hope that you’re able to rule Immernachtreich even as a ghost. You always seemed so remiss to be separate from there. One day, when we’re reunited please give me a tour.

  Work has been tiring as usual. I have been resting between tasks, but it feels useless. No matter how much rest I get I still feel bone tired. The massages you would give me when I talked about my aches were heavenly. Every moment with you, I felt like I had the energy of a thousand suns. 

  I’ve adopted a cat since you’ve been gone. He’s very sweet. You always commented on how people don’t understand how to interact with cats. I had been one of those people, and so I thought cats were mean creatures, but– just like you– cats simply need to be treated with kindness and understanding. 

  I don’t know what to say if I want to keep rambling on. I love you.

  For my own sake, this is goodbye. You were the best person I could've known.

  Until we meet again,

  Noelle