Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tulip refused to admit that this was a bad idea.

The doubt had started nibbling at her when she got to the start of the forest trail and kept on gnawing the further she walked. First it was the practical stuff about how she could wait to leave until tomorrow morning and take the bus. Then her brain tried to guilt her into turning back by pointing out how worried Mom would be, and how she would call Dad and then he would be worried, and then they would call everyone trying to find her and it would be a whole mess of worrying.

Plus, when Lake found out that their ‘perfect sibling’ did something irresponsible, they would never let her hear the end of it.

But Tulip smothered every fact with the memory of arguing with Mom. With how she didn’t even try to find another way to get her to camp. With how dad forgot about her just by not living in the same house as her anymore. With how Lake had just stood there and not said anything despite the fact that they were supposed to have each other’s backs. Each attempt by the logical part of her to make her turn back was crushed under the sheer desire to not be in that place with those people.

So Tulip kept walking even after the sun went down, her phone’s flashlight illuminating the path through the woods. It was an old hiking trail that reached the next town. She would get there, pay for a cheap room at a motel, and buy a ticket for the earliest bus the next morning. Yeah, she would get to camp a day late, but that would’ve been the case no matter what, since the buses stopped running for the day by the time Mom broke the news.

Or at least Tulip thought they did. She didn’t check before she left, but it didn’t matter anyway. She was out of that house and that was what she was focused on.

Another hour passed and the snow was starting to fall harder. The town was about three hours away, and according to her phone she had been walking for three and a half. Though that original time didn’t account for snow so it made sense that she was going a bit slower. She would be getting there soon. And then she’d be in a bed and then she’d-wait, if she let her parents know where she was they’d just demand she come home. So she’d wait until she got to camp to let them know she made it and didn’t just disappear. But would they just make her come back? Obviously they’d be upset that she left, but that was their own fault. And she could take care of herself; she got there just fine didn’t she? What would they do, clear their oh-so busy schedules to drive to the camp and bring her back? Of course they would do that to punish her and not to just take her there in the first place. It’s a six-ish hour drive, it’s not that complicated!

Tulip got so lost in her thoughts that when she finally checked her phone again, it said another two hours had passed.

What the hell? How was that possible? That couldn’t be right; she was still surrounded by forest and she would’ve been in the town long by now. She knew the trail couldn’t be that long, even with the snow. Years of hiking with Lake and Dad meant she had walked this trail and every other nearby trail countless times, so she knew what she was doing-

Oh, right; the long trail that led to the next town also connected to a bunch of other trails, some looping and some letting out somewhere. Tulip had been using the distance between the trees to see where the path was, since it was buried under the snow, but that meant all the trails looked the same. She must’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere.

Alright, easy mistake to fix. Just walk back down the path until she got back to the main trail, it was a basic trick in hiking.

Half an hour later, she was still walking when she noticed that footprints in front of her had disappeared. Ok, so the snow filled them in. She still had the path, the large spacing between the trees made it visible even with all the snow. Wow it was snowing a lot, she hadn’t noticed until now but it was coming down hard. W-Whatever. Just follow the path and keep moving-

…Did she pass that rock when she first went this way? She didn’t remember doing that, but she’d been walking for a long time. Wow her legs hurt. Actually, wait, they didn’t hurt as much as they should’ve. They were so cold they were numb.

Now that she’d let the thought slip in, Tulip couldn’t ignore how cold she was. It wasn’t something she thought about much; she lived in Minnesota, you can’t live in Minnesota if you can’t handle the cold! Stuff needed doing, snow or no snow, so she had learned to suck it up and put on a jacket. But God damn it was cold.

And she definitely didn’t climb over that log before.

There was no denying it. She was lost, big time.

The logic part of her brain finally spoke up again, and it would’ve been going ‘I told you so’ if it wasn’t currently terrified. She was lost, in the woods, at night, in winter.

Without any further thought she called 911.

And immediately felt like panicking when the call didn’t go through. Of course it didn’t. It’s the middle of the fucking woods, of course there’s no signal out here. Ok, ok , she just had to keep moving. That’s what you had to do in the snow, right? Keep moving so you stay warmer.

So Tulip kept moving.

And then her phone died.

Oh God it was DARK. It was like the entire world just stopped existing. She couldn’t-Tulip waved a hand in front of her face-she literally couldn’t see an inch in front of her. Don’t panic, she couldn’t panic. Just keep moving, and when the sun came up she’d be able to see and she could find her way home.

What had she been thinking? Why did she try to walk? She could’ve waited until morning to leave and just taken the fucking bus . Lake would never stop lording this over her; every time she made a dumb choice from now on lake would say ‘Well it’s not the worst decision you’ve ever made.’ and then they’d give that stupid smirk they always did whenever she was wrong about something…

But that would only be after enough time had passed that this was a ‘laugh about it later’ moment, because Lake would definitely be too upset to joke about it for a bit. Tulip remembered when they had broken their leg trying to do some stupid tree-climbing trick when they were young. After they were healed she teased them endlessly about their recklessness. But at the time there was a lot of screaming and crying and worrying whenever they stumbled with their crutches.

Mom and Dad would stay in the upset zone for way longer. There would be lectures, and grounding, and I-thought-I-raised-you-to-be-smarter-than-this rants. And there would be hugs, and constant checkups to make sure she was ok, and that kind of parent-type crying that always makes her cry too.

Tulip just had to keep moving. When she got home she would apologize to Mom and probably cry for a while as she warmed up. And Mom was definitely looking for her right now. She always stuck her head into her room to say goodnight, even when they argued. She would see that Tulip was gone and see the open window and put two and two together. Mom would’ve called search and rescue when she and Lake couldn't find her nearby and she’s waiting at home right now. She’s probably had to stop Lake from going out and looking for her themselves and she’s in the living room waiting for an update on the search.

She would’ve called Dad. They’re probably both staying up waiting for news. Or maybe Dad came to the house because he wanted to make sure Mom and Lake were ok, and they’re all waiting together.

Tulip wouldn’t make them wait. She just had to keep moving and everything would be fine. Lake was definitely telling them just that; she would be fine and ok and safe. Lake would always tell her stuff like that when she was upset. Unless they had proof things wouldn’t be fine they would try to make her feel better. And things would be fine. She just had to keep moving.

She had to keep moving.

Was she moving?

She couldn’t see if she was moving.

She couldn’t feel anything anymore.

She was so tired.

Maybe she could rest now.

Just for a while.

Chapter Text

Lake hadn’t been paying attention when Mom called Tulip downstairs.

They had just been getting something to eat from the fridge. Then the plan was to go back upstairs and do whatever while Dad was taking their sister to her coding camp. A full week without any of Tulip’s nagging or smartassery. Or her arguing with Mom about arguing with Dad. Or her arguing with them over how they needed to stop ‘acting out’.

Honestly, Lake was looking forward to this week as much as Tulip was.

When Tulip came out of her room, Lake was expecting to hear that Dad was about to arrive, especially since he was supposed to be there an hour ago, and questions about if she was packed and a suitably snarky confirmation.

What they did not expect was, “Tulip, I’m so sorry, but your dad can’t take you to camp.”

“What!?”

Apparently Dad had forgotten the camp was that week and had made work plans, and Mom would be too busy to drive her. Not really surprising, Lake thought; Dad had always been terrible with dates and Mom was usually busy. So Tulip would have to take the bus-wait, were the buses still running? Maybe Mikayla’s parents would be willing to drive her-

“What, so you’re both too busy to be my parents?! ”

Oh God damn it.

And then Tulip was throwing blame everywhere and Mom was trying to make excuses and clearly any idea of just actually solving the fucking problem was thrown out the window.  For someone who loved going on and on about how smart she was, Tulip could be unbelievably dense. Lake was just glad that Dad wasn’t there, or the whole situation would have spiraled out of control.

“What schedule?! It’s two of you and two kids! It’s not that hard!”

Tulip looked at Lake.

What? Did she expect Lake to say something? She was the one who started this whole mess.

Any time their parents were fighting and Tulip decided to try and intervene, she always expected Lake to join her. Sometimes they did, if the fighting was getting more annoying than usual or one of them really was extremely wrong about something. Or sometimes they joined after Tulip stormed away, because if they were gonna fight then fine, but Lake wasn’t letting them make their sister run away crying without at least calling them out on their bullshit.

But this hadn’t been an argument; it was a problem that could’ve been fixed if Tulip hadn’t been the one to start shouting.

Lake didn’t say anything as they walked back upstairs.

They got to their room just as Tulip came up the stairs. For a second, she looked at them again. She was crying and, for an instant, looked like she wanted to say something.

Lake closed their door as Tulip turned away and slammed her own shut.

------------------

It was dark when Mom stuck her head into Lake’s room.

She did this every night for both of them, and Lake already had the ‘goodnight’ on their tongue when they glanced over to the doorframe. It died in their throat when they saw Mom’s face.

She was afraid.

“Lake, where is Tulip.”

It wasn’t a question. They always knew where the other was, because they always told each other where they were going. Especially when one of them was going out to get into trouble (and with that face Mom was making, Tulip had to have gotten into some serious trouble), they’d tell each other so they could cover for them. It was a part of being siblings, of being twins, to tell each other those kinds of things.

But this time, Tulip obviously hadn’t told them anything.

“I don’t know,” Lake answered, sitting up from their bed, “I’m assuming not in her room?”

“Call her. She might answer if it’s you.”

The amount of fear in her voice got Lake moving faster than they had for most other things. Lunging for their phone, they hit the speed dial for their sister.

*BEEP*

Ok, that wasn’t good.

“It didn’t go through,” they told Mom, who’s fear turned into the kind of focus they’d only seen her have in a crisis.

“I’m calling the police.”

Lake shot to standing, “WHOA! Whoa! What the hell is going on?!” They ran after their mom, who was dialing as she walked into Tulip’s room. They were about to speak again when they noticed three things:

One, the room was freezing cold.

Two, Tulip’s jacket was gone.

And three, the window was wide open.

…

Oh God fucking damn it, Tulip.

“-Yes, I already called her friend and her father-There’s snow in the room so I know it was open for hours-No I don’t know exactly when she left-” As Mom continued talking with the police, Lake barely noticed themself heading downstairs. It was only when their Mom grabbed their arm that they registered the coat they had been putting on.

“Lake, where are you going?”

“I’m gonna find Tulip,” they knew that was the answer before they even opened their mouth, “I know all her spots around town. I’ll call you when I find her.”

“Wha-Lake no, you’re not going out there, it’s pitch black and it’s a blizzard,” she kept her grip as Lake tried to pull their arm away.

“That’s exactly why I need to find her!” Lake didn’t know why she felt like panicking. Tulip was probably in some store somewhere, or with some person they hadn’t thought to call, and was sulking over her dumb camp somewhere safe and warm and they were freaking out for nothing.

But then why were all their instincts screaming at them to find her ASAP?

Judging by the look on Mom’s face, she was thinking the same things. “Look, it won’t help anything if we all run around like headless chickens. We’ll stay here in case she comes back, and you can tell me where she might be and we’ll coordinate that with the search team, ok?”

Of course, now she was being logical.

By three in the morning, Lake was far too worried to be tired.

After looking in every place Tulip would normally go and asking anyone she would normally talk to, the search had deduced that she wasn’t anywhere in town. Then someone on the police called search and rescue and they did a thing (the techy stuff went over Lake’s head, plus they didn’t care as long as it found their sister) to track her phone.

The good news was that whatever they did gave them a general area to search.

The bad news was that said area was in the middle of the fucking woods.

Why and how Tulip had ended up in the middle of nowhere was beyond Lake. But the fact of the matter was that she was out there somewhere, lost as hell, and it was freezing out. So yeah Lake was not too proud to admit they were worried.

Neither was Dad, who had come over a few hours ago because he couldn’t stand waiting for news by himself. For once Mom didn’t argue with him at all. So there they were, Lake and their parents sitting together on the couch for the first time since the divorce, and it was to wait for what would hopefully be not-terrible news.

It was at three am, a time that Lake would forever remember from then on, that they got the call.

Lake had been drinking yet another cup of coffee (which they had never drank before, but they refused to fall asleep until they knew something) when Mom’s phone rang. She answered as fast as humanly possible and Lake felt hope that this nightmare was finally over.

That hope was crushed as their mom’s face slowly morphed into a type of fear Lake had never seen her have.

The drive to the hospital was both quiet and loud.

Loud because Mom kept speaking to Dad. Not fighting, Lake knew what that sounded like and this wasn’t it. This was Dad asking question after question and Mom repeating ‘I don’t know’ as her answer. She only knew what the search and rescue person had told her, which was that Tulip was found and sent to the hospital to treat her condition.

It was quiet because Lake had tuned everything out the first time Mom had told them what Tulip’s condition was.

Found unconscious. Unresponsive. Severe hypothermia and frostbite. Had been unconscious for long enough that she had almost been covered by snow. They only found her because someone noticed her bright red hair amidst all the whiteness. She hadn't been breathing. They'd had to resuscitate her.

Lake felt like they were gonna throw up.

They didn’t notice when they got to the hospital. Someone grabbed their hand and led them inside. Tulip was in emergency care, said the man at the desk. He had them led to a room and sit in some chairs and they waited. Eventually Lake saw their dad in front of their face. He was telling them to breathe. They tried. They honestly tried but they couldn’t breathe, they couldn’t breathe.

A nurse was speaking to them, trying to help them get some air. Another nurse was talking with their parents, something about visiting hours and overnight and they would keep them updated and they could come back in the morning.

They were leaving?

Lake heaved with their next intake of air.

A trashcan was pushed under their face and then Mom and Dad were there. Hands were in their short hair and on their back as they kept retching. When it finally stopped they could hear Mom shushing them and they kept trying to say that no, they couldn’t leave. What about Tulip? They needed to be here when she woke up she needed them they couldn’t not be here.

Before Mom could start talking again, exhaustion finally caught up with Lake and they fell asleep right then and there.

Chapter Text

Megan knew being a parent would be hard.

And not just because she ended up being one without any intention. Though that had definitely not made anything easier; one minute she was in medical school, talking about the future with the man she’d been dating for a few months. The next moment, she was marrying that man a few weeks after being ‘knocked up’ as her father put it.

He’d put a lot of things in a lot of ways when he’d all but threatened to remove Andy’s skin if he walked out on his daughter.

Sometimes Megan wondered if things would’ve gone differently with Andy if they had chosen to be together instead of having the knot tied for them. Don’t misunderstand, Andy was kind and caring and never did anything to make him a ‘bad husband’, in either the modern sense or her father's more old fashioned one.The problems between them weren’t because of anything like that, they just…didn’t love each other. Maybe…maybe if they’d had more time to date, to know what they liked and didn’t like about each other, then their marriage would’ve gone better or at least less disastrous as it had.

But maybe they wouldn’t have stayed together, like lots of college partners didn’t. Since she likely wouldn’t have had her children if that happened, Megan didn’t really regret their shotgun wedding, even if it made things harder.

Speaking of harder, having two kids instead of one was definitely not easy.

Once the ultrasound showed them she was expecting a second daughter, they needed two cribs, two piles of clothes, two bottles and eventually two rooms and two school fees and everything else a person would need for their entire lives. Despite that, however, and despite all the general worries that came with having children regardless of circumstance, she couldn’t deny that she already loved the little ones she would be having and the life she would share with them.

And then one of them almost didn’t make it past the first day.

Those few days…those few days of waiting and praying and holding one daughter so close because she might never hold the other. At the time that had been the worst thing to ever happen to her.

By some miracle-and frankly, Megan didn’t care which one-they still had two children when it was over. Inspired by the doctor’s comment on her incredible recovery, the now-healthy girl was named Tulip. And because Andy insisted that twins should have names at least thematically connected, her sister was named Magnolia.

The years went by faster than she thought they would. Sometimes Megan felt like she would blink and then BAM, her little girls were suddenly a lot less little. And a lot more trouble.

Tulip wasn’t that difficult to look after; true, she could be too clever for her own good and had a habit of overestimating her problem solving skills, but she still had a good head on her shoulders.

But Mag-no, Lake, it was Lake now-had seemed to make it their life’s goal to cause as much trouble as possible.

Fights, vandalism, fights, graffiti, sneaking out, fights . It felt like every other day Megan was getting a call from school or Tulip or the cops. It was a miracle they’d only ever been suspended and not expelled. Honestly-and Megan would never say this to anyone-for a few years it felt like Mag-Lake-had been bad karma for the whole ‘sex before marriage’ thing as her father would have her believe.

The moment Megan had that thought, she stomped it down and vowed to herself that Lake would never know it ever existed. Just as they nor Tulip would know they were-at the start-unwanted; something Andy agreed to take to the grave.

And besides, despite how much trouble it felt like her kid got into, Lake had plenty of goodness to them. Even if they were, admittedly, rough around the edges, there were plenty of times where she got to see how kind and caring and protective they could be. They stood up to bullies, they loved animals, they sketched and hiked and played with Atticus.

Oh, Atticus. They had sobbed for days when he passed away, along with Tulip. But Jesse had helped them through it where their family couldn’t.

That boy, Jesse, had been a surprise. Who would’ve thought a petting zoo would lead to them getting an actual friend that wasn’t someone Tulip had to force them to interact with? Megan wouldn’t claim to understand, but what she did understand was that Lake had seemed…happier…since meeting him.

Yeah, being a parent was hard. But even with all the bad parts, it had its perks.

Today had officially taken the spot of the worst thing to ever happen to Megan, and it was far from over.

After confirming that Lake was just exhausted and stressed rather than actually hurt, their mother carried them back to the car. A part of her wanted to stay and have her ex-husband take them home. The part that was a mom demanded she stay by her daughter’s side. The part that was a nurse knew that her professional objectivity would be compromised. Even if it wasn’t, Tulip already had doctors and nurses taking care of her, warming her blood and airways and treating her frostbite. More people would just crowd the room, especially if that extra person was a worried mother.

Still, the part of Megan that was a mom couldn’t help but cry as she tucked her child in-how many years had it been since she’d done that?-and forced herself to go to bed.

She let Andy sleep on the couch, knowing the part that was a dad wanted to stay close.

Morning didn’t end the nightmare, and she had faintly been hoping.

Lake woke up around eight and immediately tried to leave for the hospital. It was only Andy being woken by their thudding footsteps that let him stop them. Megan soon joined them, awoken by Lake’s screaming.

“You can’t stop me from going!”

“I’m not-just listen to me!” Her ex stood between their kid and the front door, and based on their volume Lake was five seconds away from shoving past him.

“No! NO! You don’t get to play the ‘I’m being unreasonable’ card this time! Tulip’s over there, alone, and I am going and you can’t stop me!”

Megan stepped forward and grabbed Lake’s shoulder before they could make good on that statement. The anger in their eyes almost made them freeze just from how scared it was. She chose her next words carefully.

“We eat, then we’ll go. Unless you want to pass out again, you need to take a bit to calm down,” she looked them straight in the eyes as she spoke, making sure they were listening, “I know you want to see Tulip right now, but that won’t help if you’re a frazzled mess.”

Lake seemed to be reluctantly calming down, which Megan took as a win.

As they all ate cereal-with Andy telling Lake to slow down before they choke-the hospital called Megan’s phone. She signaled for everyone to be quiet as she answered.

“...This is Megan Olsen…yes…yes……yes……I understand…thank you, I’ll be right there. Goodbye.”

Her kid was speaking the moment she ended the call, “Well?! How’s Tulip doing?!”

“Kid, stop shouting and let your mom speak! So, how is she-”

Even with her eyes closed, she knew he was frightened by her face.

It was a face she always tried to hide from her family. It was the face she made when she lost a patient. When the vet told her Atticus was gone. When she told her father to never come near her again. When her little girl hadn’t taken her first breath.

It was a face of loss.

Whenever the family of a patient went through this, Megan had never been able to fully emphasize with them.

It was such a specific scenario that she’d never been able to wrap her head around it. Sure, she knew the appropriate bedside manner and other such things. But putting herself in their shoes? Understanding what that would actually feel like? That was something she never grasped. And quite frankly, she didn’t want to.

But it seemed, as she stared down at her comatose daughter, her ex-husband looking empty and her child grasping their sister’s bandaged hand and weeping, that the universe didn’t care what she wanted.