Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Will, there’s a dog on my chair.”

“Yes,” Will says, not looking up from where he’s seated in front of the fire, legs sprawled in front of him. Crowley has a chair for him – a comfortable leather throwaway from somewhere else in the castle that he dragged all the way up to his office – but the young Ranger almost exclusively sits on the floor, instead.

“There’s a dog on my chair and you’re looking through Brockhold Fief’s paperwork. And – William Treaty, how many dogs are in this room right now?”

Will tosses his head back when he laughs. Halt never laughs like that – he ducks his head, shadowing his smile with his cowl. Crowley moves his head like that when he laughs, though, and his heart warms when he sees Will do the same. It’s almost enough to get him to forget the second dog he’s spotted, poking their head around Will’s knee.

“Only two,” Will promises, rubbing the new dog behind the ears. “This is Ebony. Over there is Critter.”

“Critter?” Crowley says in disbelief, looking over at the dog sitting happily in his chair, tongue lolling out in a puppy grin. “That’s not – that’s her name?”

Will’s grin turns blinding. Crowley blinks at him and turns back to the dog.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” he tells her. She yips pleasantly – it’s alright! As good a name as any, really.

Crowley blinks again.

“She talks,” he says, this time to Will. Will nods understandingly.

“She’s great,” he replies, as if in confirmation. “She’s yours.”

“…oh,” Crowley says quietly. He loves dogs. They’re second only to horses, in his opinion – a constant companion, full of life and personality. He remembers that dog that followed Will around like a little shadow before the Macindaw ordeal – he wonders what happened to her. He asks, and Will’s lips quirk up.

“She’s Critter’s mother,” he says, allowing Ebony to gnaw gently on his hand. “I was allowed the pick of the litter, and that’s how I got Ebony, but I saw Critter, and… well, I brought her back for you. You’re not getting any younger, you know – “ and Will laughs and easily dodges the pencil Crowley throws at him. “ – and I thought you might like the company.”

“Brat,” Crowley mutters fondly, rounding the desk to the puppy, who thumps her tail rapidly on the chair as he approaches. She bends down into a play bow, wagging her tail, and hops up to place her front paws daintily on his chest. She licks his chin. This is one of the best days of Crowley’s life.

“We’ll have to see if she gets along with Cropper.” He gives in and gives the black and white dog a scratch under her chin, and she closes her eyes in delight. Crowley suddenly frowns and looks over at Will, who looks away immediately in faux innocence.

“Will,” Crowley starts. “Did you name her Critter so she would… match?”

“I think it’s very funny that you and Cropper’s names both start with the same letters,” Will says, dissolving into peals of laughter by the end of his sentence as Crowley shoves papers off his desk to find another pencil to throw. “I didn’t want her to be left out! No – how are you going to do all this work if you can’t write anything down? Stop!”

Even as Will complains, a wide grin is splitting his face and Crowley’s smiling too, reflexively. The air feels lighter, and it’s not just because of the window Crowley has open, letting in the crisp late fall air. But as he pets Critter, he’s reminded of the events of the past couple of months and sobers, looking at Will calculatingly.

“I’m sure you’re sick of hearing this,” he starts, and Will’s face falls and he groans a little. “But how are you holding up?”

“I’m fine,” Will grouses, looking into the dancing flames. “I’m a Ranger, and I wasn’t even the one that was poisoned.”

“Yes, but I’ve already pestered Halt about it to the point where I’m quite sure that he’s fine and that he would also shoot me if I asked him about his wellbeing one more time,” Crowley states. “Since I can’t bother him, I have to bother you.”

He watches as Will scratches his dog’s shoulders. Ebony looks over at Crowley, as if to say: Well, you’re the Commandant, aren’t you? Do something about this, please. But don’t do anything that would stop the scratches.

Crowley lets Will have a moment of silence and picks up Critter to put her down on the ground. She’s an excellent dog, of course, and bites the edge of his boot before dutifully sniffing around on the ground, looking busy. Yes, yes. You help the boy, and I’ll inspect the office. Excellent delegation, Commandant.

He crosses the room and sits in Will’s chair, so he’s able to look at the top of the young man’s head. Will won’t look at him.

“Will,” he says once, kindly, then: “Have you been sleeping?”  

Slowly, Will shakes his head. When he speaks, his voice sounds clogged with tears, although he keeps it from shaking.

“I’m trying,” he whispers. “But every time I lay down, I – it starts in my legs, they start shaking and I can’t make them stop. Then my whole body is trembling, sometimes in these awful jolts. Then it gets hard to take a deep breath, because I just – when my eyes are closed, I get this terrible image of Halt just – cold and dead and still – he was so still, Crowley, I really thought he was going to die. And then I just lay there, and I try to calm myself down, I put my hand on my pulse and just try to breathe deeply, but it doesn’t always work. I don’t even want to lay down anymore. It’s easier to just stay up. Even if I do fall asleep, I wake up more tired than I was before I nodded off.”

Crowley drops down next to Will and pulls the young man into his arms, tucking his head to press against his own shoulder.

“Sh,” he says as Will’s shoulders start to shake. “I know. It’s an awful feeling.”

“There’s not even anything to be worried about, now,” he gasps out. “It’s completely – it’s completely illogical but I can’t stop. I was so – I really, really thought he was going to die, and it’s like my mind can’t come back from that. I think – I think you should take me off of active duty.” It’s like he can barely force the last words out, gritting his teeth. Ebony licks Will’s hand where it’s clutching at Crowley’s shoulder in support.

“Thank you for telling me,” Crowley says calmly, leaning his cheek on the top of Will’s head. “It’s good of you to be honest when you think something is affecting your work. But I’d like to see if there’s anything we can do before we resort to that. I don’t want you to feel like this, regardless of your position as a Ranger. Have you spoken to Halt about this?” Crowley knows the answer is most likely ‘no,’ but he has to start somewhere.

“No,” Will says predictably, miserably. “You said it yourself – he’s sick of everyone hovering.”

“Halt would understand if you hovered,” Crowley tells him. “God knows he’d be hovering if it was you.” Will huffs a little laugh.

“That’s probably true,” he admits. “I probably should have just talked to him. I’m pretty sure he knows something is wrong – I kind of drew away when I started having trouble sleeping. I just didn’t want anyone to worry, you know?”

“I know,” Crowley says wryly. “Unfortunately, that probably just means they’ve worried more. Did you at least tell someone where you were going, this time?”

“I always tell someone where I’m going!” Will’s laugh sounds more like himself. “The river flooding was an uncontrollable natural disaster. But yes, Halt and Pauline and Alyss know I rode here.”

“Okay, okay.” Crowley loosens his hold enough for Will to lean back, and Critter immediately swerves over and plops herself in Crowley’s lap. “I’m going to write to Halt. If we can’t solve this, and you still feel uncomfortable returning to full duty, we can work something out, the three of us. And even if you feel like you could do the work, but think you need a break, I want you to take it.”

Will nods. Crowley nods back. “Good. Now, get into the chair, it’s not going to be very comfortable to sleep on the floor.” Will frowns, confused.

“What? I’m not going to be able to sleep, Crowley. And I don’t need to be watched, I’m not six,” Will says, and it probably would come out snappish normally, but all he really sounds is tired.

“You’re closer to six than I am,” Crowley states cheerfully, carefully nudging Critter over so he can get up and pull the blanket from his desk chair.

“That’s not – I mean, that’s true, but… are you giving me the moth blanket?”

“The what?” Crowley asks, looking down at the blanket in his hands. Well. It was clearly moth-bitten. He shrugs and continues tucking the moth blanket around Will’s shoulders. “It’s still comfortable.”

“No, I’m honored. I’ve always wanted to be wrapped in the moth blanket.”

“Well, this is your chance. I’ll be too old to share anything in a few years, I’ll hoard it all.” Crowley’s joking, but clearly Will is a little tender from emotion and lack of sleep, because something in his face cracks and he reaches out to squeeze Crowley’s hand.

“Don’t say that, Crowley, you’re not old.”

“You just called me old ten minutes ago,” Crowley laughs, but squeezes Will’s hand back, letting him know he’s only teasing. Will’s eyes are already drooping, but sure enough, his molars are starting to chatter together. Crowley sees the spark of fear and anxiety beneath the half-lidded eyes.

“It won’t stop,” Will whispers.

“It’s okay,” Crowley promises, moving closer to side cross-legged at Will’s side on the floor, wrapping his hand around Will’s wrist, laying his fingers over his pulse. “I’ll stay with you, and so will Ebony and Critter.” Ebony jumps into Will’s lap, nestling her nose into the hand Crowley’s not gripping.

“Halt is fine,” Crowley continues. “Everyone is fine.” Will nods, and with some effort, slowly draws in a breath and lets it out equally slowly.

Crowley sits with him until he falls asleep.

--

Halt opens the door quietly a few days later.

Will’s slept almost the entire time, occasionally waking up shaking and nervous, but falls back asleep quickly. Having another person around really seems to help, and Crowley does work at his desk and sends pages out to do anything outside the office. It’s unfortunate to be away from Cropper, and he still must take Critter to introduce her to his horse, but Cropper’s an understanding sort. Crowley’s really lucky that there haven’t been any pressing matters in the couple short days it takes for Halt to come over.

Halt nods silently to Crowley when he comes in, closing the door behind himself gently. Ebony pads over, tail wagging wildly, clearly recognizing Halt as a friend. The Ranger gives he a distracted pat, eyes trained on Will’s sleeping form, curled in the chair horizontally. Critter, lounging on Crowley’s lap, snuffling at his paperwork, glances up and also recognizes Halt, but simply turns her head into Crowley’s hand for pets. Halt crosses the room and crouches silently next to him, placing a gentle hand on Will’s side. The young man doesn’t so much as twitch. Halt’s already-lined face seems even graver with deep concern.

“He’s been sleeping alright,” Crowley says quietly. “But he’s so exhausted that I can’t be sure if he’s really feeling better or is just too tired to function.”

Halt takes a deep breath through his nose and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, he rubs a hand across his mouth.

“Will,” he mutters sadly. He turns to look at Crowley. “I wish he would’ve told me. I wish I would’ve pressed harder about what was wrong. I knew he was avoiding me. And I should’ve been less obvious about my exasperation with everyone being so worried – “ Crowley holds up a hand.

“Tell him when he wakes up,” he says, amused. “I know you feel like this. But Halt, it wasn’t your fault.”

Halt’s already shaking his head. “It’s my responsibility to notice these kinds of things, and he – “

Will chooses this moment to shift and blink his eyes open, yawning. He spots Halt immediately, and brightens.

“Halt!”

Halt smiles at him with concern, eyes scanning his face before accepting the armful of young Ranger, wrapping his arms carefully around Will’s shoulders as Will rests his face in the crook of his neck.

“First of all, I’m fine,” Will mumbles, and Crowley and Halt both open their mouths to refute that. “I am, stop, because we’re going to figure this out, right?”

Halt and Crowley look at each other. Halt’s eyes gleam with pride.

“Right,” he says.

“Right,” Crowley agrees.